#thank god she's here to remind people that the comeback is tomorrow
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hi_sseulgi
#seulgi#red velvet#femaleidolsedit#femaleidol#seulstagram#thank god she's here to remind people that the comeback is tomorrow#i'm so excited#with how little we've heard of the song it's a full surprise#the instrumental is a banger tho
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if you're taking ideas for harmless drabbles, i'd love to see one of bucky on one of those dates he mentioned and reader's shenanigans. if you aren't, feel free to ignore this!
a/n: are we really going to let a word limit define what a drabble is? is the vibe and spirit not enough? i say this bc this is 5.7k words long im so sorry.
also hey thank you to everyone who piped in with their knowledge of violent geese and how apartment security works in new york!! also thanks to my bby @spiderrpcrker for reading this and telling me to publish this bc i wasnt going to fkjghfkj
warning: swearing, bad luck, dates, frustrated bucky, anxiety, mentions of gore but like only a sentence
here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333
Catch up with the rest of the series here: Harmless Masterlist
Bucky returns only two weeks later. His mission lasted longer than expected and all he wants is to lie down and sleep for forty eight hours straight.
“FRIDAY?” he mumbles, kicking off his shoes. His jacket had already been discarded by his bedroom door when he walked in.
“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?”
“How are ya?” He doesn’t miss a beat in asking, even though he’s exhausted.
“As good as ever. Did you have a successful mission?”
“If by successful you mean one sprained limb instead of two, then yeah.” He wasn’t really cribbing. His ankle was already starting to heal anyway and it was worth the roundhouse kick to a Nazi's face. “Do I have anything scheduled for this weekend?”
“You have a meeting on your calendar scheduled for this Saturday.”
“Could you send a text to Y/N and ask if we can push it to the next day?” His muscles feel sore and God, he could definitely use a hot shower but all of that becomes secondary the minute he feels the sheets under him.
“Would you like me to reschedule the other one as well?”
“What’s that?” He opens one eye in confusion. “There’s another one?”
“It’s on Sunday. You’ve labelled it ‘date’.”
Ah, fuck.
“Would you like me to change it?” FRIDAY never sounds like she’s judging him, which is nice. It also reminds him about how she, as an AI, can’t judge him, which is a rude wake-up call to how he doesn’t have friends.
“No,” his voice is muffled against the pillow, “no, let it be. Where is it again?”
“You’ve only specified diner, Sergeant Barnes.”
Public space, daytime, plenty of escape routes. Good on his less delirious self for selecting a diner.
“Thanks, FRIDAY.” Now that he’s a little more relaxed, he can feel himself slip in and out of consciousness.
“One last thing," her automated voice commands his attention again. "Y/N replied. She says sure and to take care.”
“Yay.” Not even a second later he’s out like a light.
____
“Did you bring me any souvenirs?” Is the first thing he hears as he marches into your lair.
“What could I possibly get you?”
“A postcard, a t-shirt.” You don’t look up from your tinkering.
“Decapitated finger, used bullets,” he continues, “cement blocks.”
“Ew.” You snap the lid shut on the thing you’re working on, spinning around on your chair. "That's not nearly romantic enough."
“That’s all you’re going to get from a Russian underground bunker.” He does a mini jog up the stairs of the platform to where you are.
“Does the finger have a ring at lea- oh hello?” You raise an eyebrow at the sight of him. “You look different.”
He peers down. The outfit was still all black. As always.
“Not your clothes, dummy,” you interrupt, making him look back at you. “Your face. What’d you do?”
He unconsciously raises a hand to his cheek.
“Did you wash your face? Is that it?” you squint at him. “Has it been a few months since the last time?”
“Wow, you’re so funny,” he drawls sarcastically. “Top tier comedian right there.”
“No wait, it’s the beard.” You snap your fingers in realisation, completely ignoring his comment. “You trimmed it.”
“So what if I did?” He leans on your table.
“You going somewhere?” you ask, elastic snapping against your hands as you remove your gloves.
“It’s none of your busi-”
“Hold on a second.” A sly smile begins to make its way onto your face. “Are you going on a date, Bucky Barnes?”
His comeback dies down in his throat. That didn’t take you very long for you to figure out.
“I’m right, aren’t I?” You look smug, to say the least.
“Shut up.” A ray of light glistening distracts him. He traces it to the thing you were working on earlier.
“Where are you guys going?” You cross your arm across your chest, a small smirk on your face.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” It’s a silver box, engraved intricately with swirls that, when he observes carefully, looks like a skull. Wow, terrifying.
“I’m literally asking you.”
“What are those?” He shifts the conversation towards a more productive angle instead.
“Evil in a box and some other stuff.” You shrug offhandedly. “Is it a lunch date or just coffee?”
“Like Pandora’s Box?”
“A discount version, sure,” you confirmed impatiently. “Stop changing the topic, listen to me.”
He tilts his head, waiting for you to continue.
“Do you need a chaperone?” The sincerity in your voice for such a bullshit question has him scoffing.
“Good God- no, I do not need a chaperone. I’m 106 years old, I can go out unsupervised.” He reaches over and plucks the box off your table.
“Sir, you’re a geriatric."
“What are those?” He points to a few ray odd ray guns.
“Minor stuff you don’t have to worry about right now.”
He shakes the box in his hand. “What’s gonna happen if I open this?”
“Very bad things,” you whispered ominously before your volume returns to normal. “How’d you meet this person? Online?”
“She’s Natasha’s friend.” He turns the box over, seeing a small latch at the side. “What bad things?”
“Bad luck and misery. Don’t play with it, it’s dangerous.” You pull the box away from him. “Aw, is it a blind date?”
“Why do you care so much?” he shoots back, tugging the box back towards him.
“Just lookin’ out for you, Bucko,” you huff, adjusting your grip on your device. “Need to keep my favourite senior citizen safe.”
“I have a vibranium arm.” Whose force he could use to grab the box once and for all, but wasn’t. “I think I’ll be fine.”
“What if she has one too, huh? Then what?”
“She doesn’t.” As far as he knows, he’s the only one alive with a metal appendage made out of the strongest metal in the world. That could very well change by tomorrow but he's keeping the title for now.
“But what if she does? I swear to- stop trying to take the box!” You pull a little more forcefully, but he doesn’t relent.
“I want this to get over before this evening.”
“What time’s your date?”
“Why do you care?” He’s sure anyone who saw the dumb tug-of-war you both were playing would just automatically assume he was an absolute manchild, not an Avenger.
“Because.” You don’t explain further. “Tell me what time your date is, you weirdo.”
“Five o’clock, now let go.”
“Fine,” you say, suddenly loosening your grip. Clearly, it doesn't make much of a difference since he isn't struggling to keep his balance from the sudden loss of force.
“Fine.” He clears his throat, straightening up.
You don’t say anything. He doesn’t either.
A putrid smell creeps into his nose, one all too similar to spoiled milk and decaying seaweed. He has to physically stop himself from gagging.
“Have a good day.” You smile and lean far back. Too far. It looks like you're almost going to fall out of the chair.
Through the tears that are threatening to line his eyelids, he looks down at the box whose latch you somehow managed to lift, leaving the box open.
“What the fuck is this?” He coughs, swatting at the air in front of him to clear it.
“I told you; bad luck in a box.”
“You can’t scientifically create bad luck, that’s bullshit.” He tosses the box back onto your table. You watch it slide past you, not making any effort to stop it. “What is it really?”
“I’m not lying.” You pull open a drawer, brandishing a small table fan that you set down beside you. “If you open it, you’re going to have terrible luck for the day.”
He glowers at you when you turn the fan on, forcing the fumes back towards him.
“Besides, that’s all I was doing today.” You kick your feet up. “So you can leave now.”
He doesn’t care if you’re lying about not having anything else to do today. You could burn down the world if you wanted to but he needs to take a stupid shower. Again.
“You’re the fuckin’ worst.” He tries airing out his shirt, hoping that the smell would dissipate as soon as possible.
“Have fun on your date, sarge!” you encourage him as he stalks out of the lair. “Remember to wrap it befo-”
He turns it into a sprint before you can finish.
____
Six hours later and he’s absolutely convinced he fucked up.
He isn’t used to having his weekends free.
He realises that this is the first time in months that he’s actually stepped out of the Tower for something that wasn’t directly mission-related. He should probably get some air. Touch some grass. See the sun.
His shirt thankfully manages to rid itself of the odour from the dumb box so he didn’t have to go take a shower. With nothing much planned and a few hours to spare, he heads to the coffee shop instead.
It’s a small place, bustling and alive with a crowd of people. They have a little bookshelf that usually is full of books donated by patrons, free for anyone to read.
The barista smiles at him. The coffee costs more than his high school education. He awkwardly smiles back.
He’s not a regular, but they’ve seen him enough times to know that he usually asks for black coffee in a to-go cup, later adding a sugar or two according to his own taste. They're nice to him, occasionally throwing in a cookie or something on the house. He can't tell if it's because of the Avenger status or the sizeable tip he leaves.
He picks up a random book from the shelf, fully intending not to read it but to just sit there and think. The book acted as a shield for his resting bitch face, resting murder face and his resting rage face. More often than not, a good combination of the three.
He sets the coffee down at the corner table he manages to nab in a quick second, along with the two sachets of sugar.
“Is this seat taken?” Someone asks from beside him. He earnestly shakes his head in a ‘no’, gesturing for them to take it.
They give him a quick thanks and drag the chair away from his table.
He does a quick overlook of the book he picked up.
The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot.
Well, now he’s too anxious to put it back. YA fiction it is.
He reaches for the sugar while glossing over the summary. He reaches a little further when it doesn’t come to his hand immediately, blindly running his fingers across the table.
Bucky peeks over the book, eyebrows knitting together when he notices that they’re missing.
He was sure he picked it up.
He looks underneath the table. It wasn’t there, neither under his seat. Strange, but okay. He picks up the book and the cup, walking back to the station to grab two sugars.
This time he makes sure to tuck it into his pocket, double-checking before going back to his table.
Which was now occupied. He wanted to groan.
His mind automatically reverts back to the box from that morning.
“Come on,” he scoffs quietly to himself. It was a coincidence. “Get yourself together.”
“A seat at the counter just cleared up,” the barista from earlier offers when she sees him standing in the middle of the store.
See? Good luck.
He shoots her a grateful look, venturing over to the barstool to take his place. It’s not the most comfortable, but then again, he wasn’t planning to stay there for very long.
He empties the sugar into the coffee, stirring slowly before opening a random page in the book.
He takes a long sip, ignoring how hot the drink was.
He chokes immediately. Because either he was losing his mind or his order had somehow got switched from ‘no sugar’ to ‘diabetes in a cup’.
He takes another small sip and his face immediately twists in disgust. Definitely too sweet. The sweetener he added only made it worse.
He catches the eye of the barista. She looks on in concern.
“Is everything okay?”
Fuck.
He’s not one to make a scene. He just wants to live as imperceptibly as he could.
“Yep.” The sweetness sticks to the back of his throat. “All good.”
He just closes his eyes and downs the rest of it without thinking twice, trying to hide the grimace in his face. He gives her a weak thumbs up. She doesn't look convinced.
He leaves the shop soon after, hands shoved in his pocket. Maybe he could go sit by the lake at Central Park, watch the clouds. It reminded Bucky of the lake in front of his hut in Wakanda and the hours he'd sit in front of it, feet dipped into the water as his goats fed. He misses it.
He makes a sharp turn at a corner, still thinking about his options when his ankle abruptly twists under him.
He stumbles rather ungracefully, almost hitting the ground, but manages to save himself through the newly built up immunity he has towards falling thanks to all his encounters with you.
His gaze lands on his hardcore combat boots. Their laces had come undone.
Now he just knew that was horseshit. He always double knots them; they had never loosened in the past before.
The box.
He shoves the thought out of his head, crouching down to tie them again. He tugs on them to make sure they’re secure before standing up again.
Central Park is a few blocks away but he’s glad he didn’t bring his bike. The weather was rather nice and the wind in his hair felt good.
He wanders around the park for a while, looking for the lake. He pauses at a board with a map of the park on it, assessing how far it was.
Once he's ascertained which path to go towards, he turns on his heel to go.
He fucking trips again.
“Are you serious?” he says furiously under his breath. “Cut it out.”
He’s half-convinced that he should tie it around his ankle like a sexy lace-up set of heels. He ties a triple knot this time, glares at it until he’s sure it’s fine and checks to see if anyone saw him humiliate himself.
Only a person on a nearby bench who looked like they were passed out drunk, given that their hoodie and sunglasses clad self was slumped over.
No witnesses. No 'You won't BELIEVE what the Winter Soldier did! Critics say it's his biggest blunder yet!' articles the next day on social media.
He manages to make it to the lake in one piece and no more falls, partly because he keeps his eyes fixed on his shoes to ensure no fuckery occurs.
There are a few people rowing and plenty of others lining the bank at scattered locations. There’s a mom and her kid at the place he ends up. She sends him a small smile in greeting and he returns the favour.
There’s a secluded bench that he takes a place on, letting out a small sigh. If he ignores the traffic and the skateboarders and the people in general, it’s actually kind of peaceful.
There are geese and their little goslings swimming around the water close to the shore. Maybe he should have brought some birdseed. Or kale.
The kid beside him is busy fashioning something out of leaves, only occasionally erupting into giggles when it doesn't pan out. His mom watches him fondly, pointing at twigs he could use. Everything seems kind of picture-perfect and his body automatically relaxes, easing further into the seat and closing his eyes for a second.
Until there's a large splash and loud distressed honking. He whips his head around to find the same kid staring straight ahead at the goose with a wide grin. His mother curses quietly, picking herself up off the ground and grabbing his hand, half chastising him for throwing something at an animal and half urging him to walk faster.
The goose turns to Bucky. With no one else to blame for the sudden attack, it logically launches itself at him. His smile drops.
He gets up in a rush. The dumb bird nearly comes for his head, but he deflects with his metal arm.
“I didn’t even do anything.” He swats at it swiftly, trying not to cause any real damage. The goose, understandably, does not speak English.
He flinches when one of them bites at his knee. He can punt it to the sun but he doesn’t want to.
“Stop that.” He sticks his hand out to shove the stupid thing away, retreating back to the road. “Jesus, why are you so aggressive?”
Among the barrage of feathers showering on him, he prays his damn shoelace doesn’t unravel as he shields his head with one arm, the other fending himself while he moves hurriedly away.
The goose honks angrily at him. He scowls at it, not exactly pleased with the reminder that these fucking overgrown ducks were constantly bloodthirsty.
It doesn’t leave him alone till he’s significantly away from where he was sitting. He wants to call it profanity but that’d probably piss it off more.
The box and its effects were definitely starting to feel real.
Fuck it, no more day out for him. The best plan he can think of is to just go to the diner he’s supposed to meet his date at.
The waiter greets him with a courteous nod, which Bucky can only imagine was the best he could muster when a dishevelled 200-pound man walks in covered in goose feathers and irritation.
He won't admit that he’s too scared to eat lunch at this point because he can’t rule out food poisoning. He spends the next two hours on his phone playing Fruit Ninja and plucking feathers that accented his all-black outfit.
Several glasses of water later and a second before he’s about to beat his high score, someone taps on his shoulder, breaking him out of his concentration.
Motherfu-
He clenches his eye shut, inhaling deeply before turning around.
“James?”
“Hey, yeah, that’s me.” Bucky almost falls over the table with how fast he stands up, clearly underestimating his size. “Leah?”
“Hi.” She smiles and he finds himself smiling nervously along with her.
“Hi.” He steps out to pull out her chair for her and she laughs. "Nice to meet you."
“How long have you been waiting here?” she asks while setting down her bag.
“Around ten minutes.” He clears his throat to hopefully hide the fact that he was lying through his teeth.
“Just give me a second, I need to tell my friend I reached,” Leah pulls out her phone and he nods.
“Another glass of water for you?” The waiter seems less enthusiastic about Bucky’s 8th refill.
“Yes,” he answers, hoping he doesn’t call him out on it, “please.”
“You must be really dehydrated."
Bucky turns to look at him slowly. “I like the taste.”
He can’t really blame the guy. Bucky’s been there for hours without ordering anything solid, just leaching off their free water and complimentary bread basket.
“So, James.” She tosses her phone back into her bag, leaning forward on her palms easily. “Tell me about yourself.”
He had rehearsed this a million times. He could do this.
“I, uh,-”
“Menu?” Okay, so someone clearly had a vendetta against him.
“Thank you.” She takes it with a smile.
His morning debacle with the coffee flashes through his mind. Suddenly the idea of a diner didn’t seem so smart.
However, she’s already placed her order and George is standing beside him expectantly, daring him to ask for another glass of water, so he places his usual order and hopes that your stupid bad luck thing wore off.
He quickly learns that his date is laid back, and it isn’t hard to fall into a rhythm with her even though she’s the one asking most of the questions.
“How’d you meet Nat?” Is his attempt at one.
“She used to come in for lunch every week at the place I work.” Leah leans back in her chair. “She can really handle her alcohol.”
He’d be worried about Nat day drinking if he didn’t know about her complete inability to get drunk. She might as well have been downing glasses of lemonade.
“Yeah, she’s-” Intimidating, scary, cool “-really something.”
“She mentioned that you like movies.” He definitely spends a lot of time watching them. “You got any recommendations?”
It’s easier to figure out how different things are or how much he missed out over the years through them. He’s glad he sat out the early 2000s, judging by their fashion sense and hairstyles.
He's watched several movies over the past few months, a few of them critically acclaimed and others who were just there for the cult following.
But now everything goes blank and the only thing that he can remember are the biopics made about Steve that were somehow hilarious for gifting him the mental image of Freddie Prinze Jr. dressed in the stars and stripes, and highly distressing for the number of historical inaccuracies. Contrary to popular belief, Stevie did not, in fact, consider running for president after he took up the shield, nor did he start his own bar chain.
He can’t name Oh Captain, My Captain starring Channing Tatum as his favourite movie on his first date and hope to make a good first impression.
“Despicable Me was kinda fun.” He wants to kill himself. “I mean, it’s the last one I saw.”
Her face twists in mild disgust, but he can tell it isn't ill-intentioned. “It's a good movie, but God, that just gave me some intense flashbacks to my aunt’s Facebook page. Don’t think I can look at a minion ever again.”
He sniggers with her. He doesn’t know what the context is.
He’s a little awkward, and he can definitely tell he isn’t the most open book but she laughs at some of his attempts at jokes. There’s a distinct discomfort he has lingering at the back of his mind prodding at him, telling him over and over again that he isn’t ready for something like this. A warning bell, asking him to leave as soon as possible because he was in a dangerous situation.
He remembers what his therapist told him about breathing and remembering that the resources he had available were greater than his anxiety and he tries to get out of his head. It takes a few minutes of acting like he's fine but he manages to do it.
Other than the one time he scalds his tongue on the coffee but played it off with a pained smile, shoving down thoughts of your stupid invention, things actually went okay.
It was nice, even though they decided by the end that it was better if they both gelled together better as friends. It lifts the strange fear he feels and he can hear Dr. Mendoza say she's proud of him for taking this step before spending three hours psychoanalysing why they decided to stay platonic.
Bucky promises to visit her sushi shop with Nat soon and she says a bottle of sake awaits him for a drinking game. He doesn’t have the heart to tell her that Nat and he share the same tolerance for alcohol.
He makes sure to leave George a tip. A big one. It’s the first time he sees the guy smile the entire evening.
He’s waving goodbye to Leah outside and he thinks that maybe it was a good end to the day and that things actually turned out fine.
Until he turns around to leave, only to have someone walk straight into him with an iced tea.
The cold comes as a bit of a shock, making him jump slightly. He stares at his shirt, using his fingertips to pull it away from his body.
The person melts into a series of apologies immediately, offering to dry clean his shirt but Bucky just forces a shake of his head and says it’s okay even though he can feel the sugar making the shirt stick to his chest. Goose feathers and iced tea. Was there anything else that would like to attach itself to him?
His fists clench and his teeth grit and he has to physically control himself from sprinting to your lair because God knows what else is in store for him and he didn't want to add in any way.
The door to the lair is locked. Fuckin’ brilliant.
When no one answers after minutes worth of waiting, he fishes for his phone and realises that maybe two hours of Fruit Ninja was not the best idea, especially on a phone known for having shitty battery life.
There’s roughly 2 percent left. By the time he opens his app to give you a call, his phone screen goes black.
He groans. He’s desperate at this point and under any other normal circumstances, he would have never, ever considered doing this.
But ten minutes later he’s outside your apartment building. You’re aware that he has your address; no doubt that it was in the SHIELD file he had gotten, and he knows that you know but it was still weird.
The buzzer has your last name listed next to it. He’s sure that he’ll break it if he keeps pressing it at this rate but he really needs you to let him in.
“Who the fu-” your voice comes through the intercom.
“I’m sorry for showing up like this, my phone died and I couldn’t reach you,” He breathes out as soon as he hears you. “But I need you to fix this.”
When he doesn’t hear a reply, he wonders if the thing actually worked. He’s about to start pressing it again-
“Bucky?” You sound a little surprised to hear him. “You’re at my house. Why are you at my house?”
“I need you to fix whatever this is.”
“What are you- fine, I’m buzzing you in,” your voice, initially confused soon trails off into something more dismissive.
There’s a soft click from the door, allowing him to push it open. The elevator is already on the same floor as him so he just uses that.
The elevator goes up a floor or two. His feet tap restlessly against the carpeted floor.
The lights turn off and everything comes to a standstill. His foot stops tapping.
He should have known. He should have fucking known.
Thirty seconds pass. He’s still in pitch darkness with the elevator showing no signs of moving.
In fact, he’s resigned to his fate. He sits down on the ground, only one step away from completely laying down and hoping someone finds his body here someday.
It’s six minutes of plain silence. He might as well get comfortable if he’s going to get stuck here for the rest of his life. Did he change his will? Does he even have a will?
There’s finally a whir. He thinks that maybe he’s going to plummet to his doom as the perfect end to this day, but then the light switches on and it starts moving upward.
It stops at the floor with a ding. He doesn’t get off the ground, only eyes the door wearily. With his luck, it wouldn’t open.
But it does and within a second he’s on his feet, scrambling to get out before it changes its mind.
He remembers your door number, basically charging down the hall to get to it.
The door is white and the paint is starting to chip off it. The handle itself is dented in a few places and he wonders if it was your fault or someone else's.
His knocks are rapid, agitated even. He doesn’t stop until he hears your loud shouts telling him to cut it out.
“What the hell were you doing, trying to break down my door?” It swings open, revealing you in your pajamas. “Haven’t you done that already? And where were you, I’ve been waiting for like, ten minutes.”
He honestly feels bad for showing up uninvited and highly flustered. He can’t imagine it’s a pretty sight either. "This bad luck shit- fix it. My whole day’s been fucked up.”
“What are you-” Your eyebrows knit together in confusion, taking in his appearance.
It takes you a second to realise what he’s talking about but when you do, your face settles.
“How was your date?” You lean against the door frame, arms crossed over your chest.
“Really,” He glowered at you, “that’s what you care about?”
“Yes.” You nod. “Did you have fun?”
He hesitates. “I guess?”
“Was she nice?”
“Yeah.” Where was this going.
“Good, I’m happy for you.” The smile on your face is genuine. “Look at you go, Casanova.”
“We agreed to be just friends, but that’s not the point here. Y/N,” he whines. “I have a mission next week, I can’t afford to fuck up. My whole day was off and I don’t want it to carry over.”
“Your whole day?” you questioned, standing up instead of leaning against the wall. “Buck-”
“Just fix it.”
“Okay.” You lift your hand up, extending it towards his face.
He waits for you to do something.
You flick him on the forehead.
“There,” you declare, going back to your previous position. “you’re cured.”
What.
He says exactly what he’s thinking.
You laugh. “Dude. I was fucking with you.”
Huh?
“Well, actually maybe just like, three things and then I got bored.”
He’s confused.
“You know,” you begin when he doesn’t reply, “taking the sugar packets, switching your coffee order when you were looking under the table, took your place when you left, the shoelaces.”
“The shoelaces?”
“Yeah.” You nod. “That’s the other ray gun you saw this morning. Unties your shoelaces. I stopped after that because I thought you figured it out.”
His face scrunches in puzzlement.
“I mean, you looked right at me and told me to cut it out.”
He racks his brain about what you could possibly be talking about before it hits him. The hungover person on the goddamn bench in the park.
“You were the one in the hoodie and sunglasses.”
“I just followed the Avengers’ code of disguise.” You shrug. “Turns out it kinda works. Also teleportation. So helpful.”
He forgot about the teleportation. That's why you could do all of it so fast without him noticing you were even there.
“What about the fucking geese?”
You pause for a second. “The geese?”
“And the elevator.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” The confusion on your face is apparent. “What geese and elevator? I have no idea what you’re saying right now.”
“Everything’s been a mess today,” he grumbles. “I don’t know what’s real or not.”
“I swear I had nothing to do with it other than what I mentioned.” There’s indignation on your features that quickly gives way to delight. “Holy shit, did I just accidentally invent portable bad luck?”
“Okay-” his palm finds its way to his forehead in exasperation, “-then what the hell was the smell?”
“What smell- oh, the one from the box?”
He nods briskly.
“Secretions Magnifique.” You snorted. “It’s a perfume. The worst rated one I could find.”
“Perfume?”
“With notes of milk, seaweed and sandalwood.”
“It wasn’t an inator?”
“No, it wasn- did you get vibe checked by a goose at the park?” You stifle a laugh when you notice a stray feather on his thigh.
“What does that even mean?” he asks in despair.
“I can see why it attacked you. You got bad juju.” You raise an eyebrow. “Maybe if you stop staring so much-”
“So I just have shit luck.” Is that a fucking relief or even worse?
“Well,” you begin but decide not to continue.
Even with all the irritability masking it, you could see that he genuinely was just not having a good time.
“Wait here a second.”
You leave him at the door. He shifts his balance and sighs, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. He still had to walk back to the Tower. Maybe he could grab a slice of pizza along the way since he skipped lunch.
“Okay, here.” You return with a large glass of water. He only looks at it. “It’s just water, I promise. You look like you ran a marathon."
He takes it from you sceptically, pushing away the urge to sniff at it. It’s gone within a few gulps.
You wait until he’s finished to point at his arm. He draws his eyebrows together, but you only curl your index finger and beckon for him to give you his hand.
He reluctantly extends it towards you.
“Don’t laugh,” you warn him, taking his metal arm. “This usually helps me.”
You tie a small bracelet around his wrist. It has a few beads, which he realises represent the colours of the solar system.
“Keep that for good luck.” You pat it gently after securing it. “I think you just had a bad day; those don’t last very long. Do you want to charge your phone before you leave?”
“Uh-” The bracelet’s pretty, the colours shine against the dark vibranium. “-no, I’m good. I’ll just leave.”
“Okay. Anything else I can help you with or will you be fine?”
He narrows his eyes. “You’re being suspiciously nice.”
“I’m not evil all the time.” You huff. “My hours are in the morning.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” he says again. “I’m gonna go then.”
“See you next week.” You give him a little wave. “I’d say break a leg on your mission but knowing your situation...”
He scoffs. “Thanks.”
You make a move to close the door when starts walking down the hallway towards the exit.
He adjusts the beads slightly so he can see them better. The Earth one has glitter in it. He thinks it’s cute.
“Bucky.”
He turns around.
There’s a hint of a smile on your face.
“Take the stairs.”
He doesn’t have to be told twice.
Next part
#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x reader#mcu fic#bucky fic#bucky barnes fic#bucky fluff#bucky barnes fluff#bucky angst#bucky barnes angst#harmless fic#winter soldier x reader#Winter Soldier#bucky barnes#bucky
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❝𝕔𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕦𝕡❞
𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜:
⇢ hannah meets up with one of her close friends to catch up; alternatively: the fox and the quokka meet again
⇢ set in mid april 2021
𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜:
⇢ conversations written in italics are spoken in english. feedback is highly appreciated!
Hannah shook her head fondly as she watched Yoonmi race down the hall towards the recording studio frequently seen on vlive. She and Yeonjun exchanged amused looks as the young girl excitedly entered the room, yelling the name of her older brother.
“Come on,” Yeonjun placed a hand on her back and sped their pace up, “or else Chan hyung’s gonna use us not being there as an excuse to stay longer.”
She scoffed at that, following Yeonjun regardless. “Please, he’d drop everything for Yoonmi anytime, and you know that.”
Yeonjun’s laugh was the only response she got as they entered the studio. The door opened immediately as they arrived in front of it, revealing Yoonmi dragging a chuckling Chan away to probably her manager’s car.
“Looks like they’ll be gone for a while,” Changbin laughed from the inside before nodding at her with a smile and turning to Yeonjun. “Let’s go before Wooyoung and Haknyeon decide to make us pay for being late.”
Yeonjun nodded and stepped out with Changbin, ruffling her hair on his way out. “See you in a bit, Hannah.
She glared at him a little before turning towards her friend who remained cleaning up the studio. They haven’t been able to see each other since their promotions overlapped. Or since the award shows, actually. “Hey, quokka.”
“Miss foxy,” Jisung playfully bowed at her before continuing to gather up his stuff, “long time no see. You hungry?”
“Always,” she playfully rolled her eyes at him, “or have you forgotten already?”
“Not when you and Yongbok have been constantly sending each other desserts. No cookies recently?”
“Yoonmi makes the best cookies, and she always sends some over to Chan hyung for you guys. Felix told me.”
The betrayed look he had on his face when he realized this made her laugh. It dawned on her that, though Chan may have told Felix to let the others get some cookies whenever they want, Felix must have kept it a secret. He loved Yoonmi’s cookies, so it was no surprise.
“He never told us!”
“Come on, let’s go eat.”
The two friends found themselves in the JYP cafeteria, food paid for with Jisung’s credits. He had a whole set of food in his tray, which was quite a drastic difference from her single bowl of salad. He frowned when he saw her tray.
“Just a salad?”
She shrugged. “We’re in the middle of promotions, so I’m dieting.”
“Nope,” he placed a plate of pasta on her tray and some extra side dishes, “your boyfriend and members are gonna kill me if I don’t feed you. Our food’s all organic, anyway. It’ll be fine. We’re sharing side dishes, by the way.”
She rolled her eyes but followed him to an empty table. They settled across from each other and began digging in. The conversation carried smoothly, as if they didn’t have a solid four or four months of not seeing each other. It switched from the food to normal catching up to preparations.
“Your comeback’s really good, by the way,” Jisung noted. “I listened to the whole album. Really good. You worked on lyrics, too!”
“Just a bit,” her tone was humble as she moved the salad around on her plate. “I thought it was fitting since it’s our first full album, so I did my best. Sorry for bothering you for help, by the way. I know you’re pretty busy with Kingdom.”
“Please,” he shook his head, “I needed the distraction. We were so caught up on preparing for the show, so I needed to forget it just a little.”
“How are you guys, by the way? I’ve seen your past few performances.” A teasing smirk made its way up to her face while she looked up from her food to meet his eyes. “I liked your cover of I’ll Be Your Man. Very impressive high notes there, mister main rapper. Very desperate.”
Jisung snorted and tossed a little sausage from their side dishes onto her plate. “Shut up, you know the performance is supposed to seem desperate.”
“What’s coming up? The collaboration stage, right?” She took a moment to recall the last episode’s ending. “It’s a shame that you guys aren’t working with The Boyz. You, Eric, and Sunwoo rapping together would have been cool.”
“You’re friends with Sunwoo?”
“We’ve met, but you already know I talk to English line the most.” She jolted up straight upon remembering something, startling Jisung into hitting his leg against the table. The boy curled in on himself a little, making her laugh. “Sorry about that. Did you hear? Changmin oppa invited me to co-host your sports day!”
That was the reason why she had been in a meeting the day before right after their schedules. She didn’t expect that she’d be brought straight to the company right after her schedules with NCT Dream, much less did she expect that she’d be meeting with a few higher ups and some Mnet staff alongside her senior for a cameo.
Jisung raised an eyebrow at her. “What? You’re coming to watch our sports day?”
“Co-host, but yeah.”
“This is gonna be so funny,” he laughed. “You know that, even if you have a boyfriend now, Juyeon hyung has an idol crush on you, right?”
“Stop!” Her hand went to her forehead in embarrassment. “Eric always mentions it whenever we talk, I swear.”
The smirk on her friend’s face sent a chill down her spine. “But there’s also Seonghwa hyung and Chani… Oh my god, man! What is it with you and these older guys, huh?”
“One more word out of your mouth, Han Jisung, and I’m telling Chan oppa that you had a crush on Yoonmi.”
Ah, yes. This short-lived crush her friend had on her other friend which amused her to no end every time he’d talk to her about how Yoonmi’s lyrics hit different, how her on stage persona is captivating, how she’s adorable in BTS content, or how her rap is unmatched by any other girl idols. Jisung, like many other fourth generation idols (and some from third generation) had fallen for the international sweetheart, and she made sure to tease him about it whenever given the chance.
Jisung groaned, “Of course I tease you about other’s having a crush on you, but you can’t tease me about people liking me.”
“Hey, if it means anything,” she began, “I used to like you the slightest bit back in late 2019 when we did those collab stages. Nothing much, it died as soon as it started, so don’t get too cocky.”
The slightly astonished look on her friends face made her remind him that it was a momentary thing rather than a prolonged crush. This, of course, didn’t stop Jisung from poking fun at her.
“Aye, I’m so telling your boyfriend,” Jisung laughed.
She gave him a pointed look. “Nothing is kept a secret in our group, and he’s in the same unit as one of the people most overprotective of me.”
The 00-liner wisely kept his mouth shut, making her laugh. A silence passed between the two before they silently agreed on not speaking about these infatuations ever again. She finished the last of her food before rummaging around her bag and pulling out a small bottle. It was something she didn’t use often, but prefered whenever she didn’t have to promote. Black nail polish.
“I brought this, by the way,” she mentioned as her phone started ringing. “I don’t know why you asked for it, but here you go.”
“Nice,” he took the bottle, “now answer your phone while I finish my food.”
The familiar face on her screen brought a subconscious smile to her face the moment she got her phone out of her pocket. It was her none other than her boyfriend, Liu Yangyang. She chuckled a little before answering the phone.
“Hey, Schnucki. I’m with Hannie right now. Jisung, say hi.”
She brought the phone closer to Jisung’s face, where he awkwardly greeted the boy on the other end of the phone. The awkwardness made her laugh and take it back. Maybe she should have waited until after he swallowed before making him say hi.
“Me again!”
“Have you eaten dinner yet?” Yangyang asked her with the slightest hint of concern in his voice. “Renjun told me you skipped out on the food your manager got you guys on the way home.”
“Hwang Injun, that snitch.” Her mumbling was easily caught by Jisung who snorted in amusement. She lightly smacked his arm from across the table then went back to her conversation. “I just ate dinner! JYP Entertainment’s special organic food is pretty filling, don’t worry.”
“Alright,” his voice sounded relieved. “How long are you gonna be there? Will you be back too late? You still have an early start tomorrow.”
She chuckled at her boyfriend’s questions. Ever since their jacket shoot, her schedule had been filled with preparations for NCT Dream’s comeback. Yangyang had been texting her good morning everyday without fail and constantly checking up on her to make sure she was still functioning properly somehow. For some reason, she found this endearing about him. He usually wouldn’t seem like that type of boyfriend, but he is.
“I’ll be here until Yoonmi finishes shopping for her future nephew and Yeonjun oppa comes back from dinner with the 99s. Hannie’s taking care of me, don’t worry.”
Jisung’s scoff from across the table made her send him a pointed look.
“Could you put me on speaker?”
“Hold on.”
One more warning look was sent towards Jisung as she placed the phone on the table. Jisung looked at her curiously before turning towards the phone.
“Yangyang?” he called out cautiously.
“Hi, Han,” Yangyang greeted. “I know we only spoke a few times, but I hope it’s not too much to ask to take care if Hannah?”
“No problem, bro,” the Stray Kids member nodded despite the fact that the WayV boy couldn’t see him. “We’ll just be here in the company, there’s a bunch of places to lounge in and a lot of food.”
There was a laugh from the other end of the phone. “Thanks for taking care of my pet fox.”
“Excuse me,” she interjected, making the two boys laugh, “I will sheer your hair off your head, you sheep.”
“Kidding! Anyway, Han, you’re Hannah’s friend, so I’m trusting her with you. As a friend, right?”
Jisung chuckled. “Of course. No need to worry.”
Hannah snatched up her phone and turned speaker off before the conversation could get any longer. “Is that it?”
“I’m at the dreamie dorm right now, so I’m expecting cuddles when you get back.”
A slight chuckle escaped her lips as she playfully rolled her eyes. “As long as you’re out of the dorms by 1:30am at the latest, okay?”
“Of course, babe.” The wink was evident in his voice, she didn’t even need to see him to know he did. “I’ll see you later, okay?”
“See you later, Schnucki.”
With that, she hung up her phone and looked up to find Jisung looking at her with a teasing smile. “What?”
“You’re so whipped,” he drew out. “Honestly! The smile on your face says it all. It’s different from when you’re talking to your members or your other friends.”
“My smile?”
Looking back on it, Jeno did mention that there was something different in the way she looked at Yangyang. Donghyuck mentioned it as well while jokingly whining about her not giving him as sweet of a smile. Even Yoonmi told her that she sometimes catches Mark smiling at her the way Hannah smiles at Yangyang. Was it really that noticeable?
With a shake of her head, she picked up the black nail polish bottle once again. “What do you want to do with this?”
“Could you paint my nails?”
#hannah.hotsauce#nct 24th member#nct dream 8th member#nct female member#nct female addition#hannah#lee hannah
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written kind of caffeinated, kind of stoned, kind of sleep-deprived
juke | 2043 words | pure fluff
He knew that, rationally, he shouldn’t do it. The word “boundary!” blared in his head and the whole thing was really inconsequential and it was so stupid, but Luke simply couldn’t help himself. Was it because of his crush on her? Most definitely. Should that awareness stop him from doing dumb shit like this? Yes, except here he was.
While Julie was at school, she accidentally let the lights in her room on. And so, Luke poofed from the studio into her room to turn them off. Saving power, right? Doing the right thing, being a good person, definitely not going into her room because it was her room.
There was something relaxing about the space though. A sense of serenity falling on his shoulders every time he stepped inside and let his eyes wander and settle on new nooks and corners he hadn’t discovered yet. F+J scratched in the wood of her wardrobe, a box of pretty seashells, four tubes of the exact same mascara in her vanity. It felt familiar and human and simple and so, so Julie.
He flicked the lights off, the only light source being the sun pouring in and casting the room in a gentle glow. Her pink walls were gentler now, the colour of peaches and reminding him of summer nights with his boys on the beach. (It also reminded him of Julie’s peach deodorant that always hung around her and involuntarily made him zero in on her. Alex would argue he was always looking at her, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that the thought of peaches only held fond memories - new memories that now included her too.)
Alright. The lights were off. He did his good deed. He should go back to the boys…
His feet moved on their own accord and plopped down on her bed, sinking into the mattress. His hands caressed the soft comforter, a smile tugging on his lips that thank the fucking music gods, he could still touch and feel things. He would’ve gone insane in an instant if they weren’t able to be in contact with anything or anyone. It was unfathomable to Luke - not hugging Reggie or massaging Alex’s shoulders or grabbing Julie’s hand. To him, music was just another way to share that sensation of contact with people. Didn’t matter if it was loud and rough or quiet and intimate, a ballad or a rock anthem. Connection: that was all he ever needed.
His fingers slid further and suddenly he was laying on his back, staring at the ceiling. Oh, man. Now he really couldn’t leave. Her bed was so comfortable! Definitely better than the mattress he had at his folks or, even worse, the couch. That thing broke his back the last months. Ha, Luke noted bitterly, maybe it was better that he hit the bucket then. Rather dead and setting the stage on fire than living with a hernia, right?
Though Luke still slept (habit? he guessed?), he has never felt sleepy. The boys just hung around or hit the streets and then eventually felt that tug of human normalcy. “Maybe we should go to sleep, guys. Big day ahead.” He didn’t dream. It was just black. It wasn’t unwelcome; just… empty.
But here, laying on Julie’s bed and letting his eyes blur and rest, Luke felt sleepy. Sufficiently exhausted. He didn’t know where that sudden slam of the hammer came from, but he kind of liked it. It made him feel like he was the one that went to school today, or had a tiring shift at some fast food shack, or played a gig. He stretched himself like a star, grinned as all the joints in his back popped, and then rolled on his side. Fucking heaven.
‘What’re you doing here?’
The faraway voice lulled the groggy Luke awake. He felt like he was hit by a truck. Where was he?
‘Hmph?’
She chuckled, his mind speeding up at just the sound and realising that shit, he did fall asleep on her bed and she caught him. His eyes cracked open, coming face to face with an amused Julie hovering on the side of the bed. His brain supplied him with the thought that she looked pretty, reminding him once again that yup, he still liked her. A sheepish smile crawled on his lips.
‘Hey, Jules.’
She rolled her eyes and then roughly pushed him to the other side of the bed. He squeaked, grabbing onto the comforter as to not fall off and gawked at her.
‘Dude!’
‘This is my side of the bed,’ Julie said, pointing at the indent he made. ‘If you’re going to sleep here, it’s on the other side.’
He let out a relieved breath. ‘You’re not mad?’
‘Depends.’ Her eyes narrowed. ‘Why were you in my room?’
Waving his hands towards the ceiling, he muttered. ‘Your lights were still on.’
His reply visibly mellowed her, so much that it kind of surprised him. Her smile melted into those she gave him whenever he found a gnarly lyric or impressed her with a riff or met her halfway for the mic onstage. During those moments, it was hard to deny there wasn’t more, that both knew there was more, but couldn’t really do anything about it. It was really depressing. “Yeah, Jules, I’m fucking crazy about you. Wanna make out and hope I don’t disappear the next day?” Even his impulsive streak wasn’t that extreme.
He hadn’t expected her to smile like that right now. Not when he laid on her bed and her hair was begging for his fingers to slip through and the spot he slept on was still warm. He almost poofed away. Were they going to touch on the “more”? Was this it?
‘Thanks,’ she eventually whispered, eyes dropping and meeting his again with a shyer smile and he knew he was sporting the exact same. A beat passed between them, eyes locked and unwavering. His fingers twitched.
‘Uh…’ Mustering back some rationality, he said: ‘Do you want me to leave, or?’
Her hands stretched out. ‘No!’ Face twisting to something he could only describe as “cringe”, she went on a little calmer. ‘You can- it’s fine. I’m just going to do some homework anyway.’
He watched as she and her backpack found a place on the bed, both very close and very far away all at once. It shouldn’t be intimate, but it was. He was seventeen and she was sixteen and he was pretty sure his crush wasn’t completely one-sided and she just allowed him to stay. There wasn’t music or a guitar or a songbook to hide behind and it sort of terrified him. But in a good way? Like when he went cliff diving and stood at the edge, stomach whooping at the thought of jumping, or when he was at the top of a rollercoaster and the cart slowly began to tilt. It was that. The feeling of quiet exhilaration.
All of that just cause Julie sat next to him bend over a history worksheet. Get a fucking grip, dude.
He didn’t know how long she worked on her homework or how long he stared at the ceiling, hands weaved beneath his head, but it mustn’t been long. The weight shifted and suddenly Julie’s head fell on her pillow with a sigh.
‘No, no, no, Julie,’ he teased, ‘gotta keep those grades up, right?’
She rolled on her side to stick her tongue out. ‘Very funny. You maybe don’t remember it anymore, but school’s exhausting.’
Luke also shifted on his side, chuckling. ‘Jules, it haunts me. That’s why I dropped out.’
‘Cute pun.’
‘Thanks.’ And then, because Luke was never one to overthink: ‘I like this.’
That smile of her came back, the one he always wanted to see. Her eyes crinkled and her lips slightly parted and so incredibly beautiful. He heard music when he looked at her. Death became sweeter if it meant he’d get to stare at the girl of his dreams. It was a morbid thought, but then again, he didn’t deem himself dead whenever he was around her. Luke probably felt so alive around her that it surprised him later on that he wasn’t.
He wasn’t a ghost. Not to her. She didn’t need to tell him for him to know that.
Julie tentatively held her hand out in the space between, palm up and smudged with ink. When he placed his on top, fingers barely intertwining but the sensation like a shot of oxygen, she murmured: ‘Me too.’
They didn’t plan for it to become routine, but it also felt kind of inevitable. Nearly every day, Luke would go to Julie’s room when he knew her day at school was nearing its end and waited on her. She’d come in and briefly recapitulate the day (usually some story regarding an annoying teacher and Flynn with a killer comeback), sliding down on her side of the bed and hold his hands. Some days, her fingertips quietly wandered the lines on his palms, some days his did. It was always quiet. Though the only ones in her room, they whispered. This wasn’t a secret (the boys were keenly aware where Luke spent his afternoons), but it felt wrong to speak at a normal volume when the other was so close.
As the days progressed, they shifted closer. Not intentional, but once again inevitable. Everything about them felt like that nowadays. The longer he was around, the more he realised that this - the bond he shared with Julie - was always meant to happen. Whenever his thoughts meandered to those cosmically impossible ideas of serendipity and couldn’t wrap his head around it, Julie was always there with her smile to bring him back to earth. Or, well, to bed.
And then one day, Julie came home from school, saw him, and without saying anything, crawled right into his chest. His heartbeat didn’t pick up like he expected. It eased and relaxed, sinking deeper into the matress as his eyes fell shut from pure fucking bliss and hugged her closer. Her peach deodorant overwhelmed his senses in the best way possible, burrowing his face in her neck and her smile stretching against his sweater. She was warm and perfectly fit into the curve of his body and he was in love. The acceptance should’ve ached, but it didn’t. How could he think about tomorrow when Julie Molina was wrapped in his arms?
Time froze those afternoons. As long as she kept her head on his chest, as long as they didn’t leave the bed, their island, then nothing could hurt them.
One afternoon, when the sun was reflecting pink and purple splotches on the walls and he was contently dissecting each curl, his heart so full it could explode, he said it. ‘I wanna do this forever.’
He felt her chuckle. ‘Inspecting my hair like a monkey, or…?’
Luke squeezed her closer. ‘C’mon, Jules.’
Her giggles quieted, chin sliding up his chest to look at him. If she found devotion shimmering behind the green, she was correct. He hoped that the warm flickering in her brown ones was the same.
Her voice was small. ‘You do?’
He nodded, every movement too big or too loud, afraid it would ruin the perfect quietude surrounding them. The room melted away, her face all that was left. Before he let the tug in his chest (the same thread that looped them in this embrace) guide him closer, she got there first. Julie surged upwards, barely needing to close any distance to softly find his lips. He cradled her cheek, warmth brimming from every pore on his skin, love pouring from his lips onto hers. It was short and sweet, but their smiles as they did were anything but. It felt like the first flower blooming in spring. Giddy, he kissed her again. He loved her. (It was inevitable.)
Julie hummed an unknown melody in his ear, lilting and just as giddy, her fingers circling right above his heart. It stammered to blend with hers. Luke met her gaze, noses brushing and smiles private and eyes adoring. She loved him. (It was inevitable.)
‘Then let’s do it forever.’
#aight imma head out#juke#jatp fanfiction#not on ao3 cause its too inconsequential lol#julie and the phantoms#otp: i think we make each other better
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Hi!!! I was wondering if I could get an eternal matchup pls??
- my names Olivia and I’m 17.
- I go by she/her pronouns and I want to be matched with a male character from Haikyuu!! please.
- My birthday is January 6th, 2004 and I’m a Capricorn Sun, Cancer Moon, and Libra Rising (my Mercury is in Sagittarius, my Venus is in Aquarius, and my Mars is in Aries if you wanted to know the rest).
- I’m 5’2, I have brownish-red hair and blue eyes.
- I spend a lot of time doing school work because I’m really driven by it and I’ve had good grades a majority of high school. When I’m not doing schoolwork I enjoy listening to music or going on a walk! I really like going on sunrise/sunset walks bc they’re always really pretty! I try to do community service in my free time because I really enjoy helping others out. I'm currently a summer camp counselor but I hope to be a lab tech one day :)
- If I were to go on a date with a partner I don't really mind what we do, but I like book dates, movie dates, and especially museum dates!! In a partner I'm looking for someone who shares the same interests as me, is kind, has a good sense of humor, and most importantly can understand and work through my emotions with me. I get really bad mood changes so if he can work with me through that I really value it. My love languages are acts of service and quality time.
- I think that one of my fatal flaws is that although I appear kind and respectful when I’m out in public, I have pretty severe anxiety, depression, and anger issues so I struggle with that a lot. I also get really defensive and stubborn when someone says something that annoys me so i kinda never stop talking lol.
- To finish off I’m an ISFP and Enneagram Type 9v1.
- I hope you have a great day! Ty if you do this! ❤
Hello olivia, thanks for coming to my brand new rocket ship!! 🚀
first of all I apologize bcs I'm not really educated about astrology,
so I'll just use your other description as best as I could okay??
I SHIP YOU WITH AKAASHI KEIJI!
"why akaashi?" you might askㅡ
first of all, some part of you reminded me of bokuto.
and some part of you definitely reminded akaashi of bokuto too. it's not a bad thing really.
Akaashi looks at you and think, "ah, she is my home."
because "home" supposed to be comfortable, because home supposed to be familiar. Being with you bring him peace. You are his home, his tranquility, his safe haven.
Most people told him, "God- you are such a boring person, Akaashi." and as the time goes by, he is starting to believe that tooㅡ but thats until you come into his life.
You're one of his classmate. And not gonna lie, at first akaashi only know you as the quiet girl who always buried her nose in books. "If I am boring, she must be a lot more boring than me." that's what he thought of you, bcs really everytime he sees you, its always you and your books. He understands the importance of having good grades, but should you really be doing that everyday?
The first time you two have a really long talk was when one day akaashi saw you still sitting inside your shared classroom, all alone bcs it's almost 6 pm and of course everybody left already. Nose buried deep in books like you always do, but this time he could hear you humming a song- it's a song that he also enjoyed listening to. He never sing in front of other people before, but for some reason he wanted to join your little secret concert at that time, so he did. He sing along to your little hummingㅡ 1 song turn into 2, turn into 3, and you still didn't notice him at all. He laughed a little because "what's so interesting in that clinical laboratory science book that she doesn't even realized I've been here for almost 10 minutes already."
He tapped your shoulder two times, and you jumped at that.
"H-hey? Um, sorry, I just.. I've been waiting here for you to finally notice me but I guess that book is really interesting, huh?" he smiled at you, feeling a little bad after seeing your reaction at his little tap tap on your shoulder.
"Oh, yes... I want to be a lab tech in the future, so um you know, just preparing." you awkwardly smiled back at him.
"Well, uh.. I know you definitely going to be an amazing lab tech one day. I saw you reading tons of books related to that job everyday in class, so... I believe your hardwork will be paid off."
"wait... that was so nice of him." you stared at akaashi who's currently fidgeting with his fingers.
"Thank you for saying that, Akaashi. That really means a lot to me. People have been telling me that my dream job is just that, a dream. Hearing you saying that someday my hardwork will be paid off really motivate me to prove them wrong. I swear I'm gonna rub it on their face once I got the job." you grins at him.
And at that, Akaashi heart beating a little bit faster than the usual. Was it your thankful speech for him? Was it your cute little grin? He doesn't really knowㅡ one thing he knows for sure though, he wants to keep talking to you. From today, tomorrow, and as long as you would let him.
"Hey, uh... it's going to get dark soon. Do you maybe want to go home together with me?"
You could see how nervous akaashi was after asking you that question, so you just nods and start fixing your books into your bag. Right before you zip up your bag, you remembered the main reason you are still in the classroom at that hour is because you were planning to see the sunset on your way back home, "Wait Akaashi, I actually want to see the sunset today..."
"Oh? I usually go home as the sun set due to my volleyball practice. The sight look really pretty if you see it from on top of the hills behind our school. Do you want to go there? I can show you the best spot."
Of course you accept his offer enthusiastically. So yes, that day is the beginning of your friends to lovers type of relationship with Akaashi.
Akaashi confessed to you first.
His friend circle are full of annoying people. They all be like,
"COME ON AKAASHI!! CONFESS YOUR UNDYING LOVE TO OLIVIA ALREADY."
"AKAASHI, DO YOU WANT TO SEE OTHER GUY SNATCH HER UP? HUH? ANSWER ME. AKAASHI!! AKAASHI!! WAIT UP!! "
"AKAASHI, WHAT IF OLIVIA DECIDED TO FALL FOR SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE YOU ARE BEING SUCH A PUSSY AND WON'T CONFESS TO HER?"
"AKAASHI THIS" "AKAASHI THAT" "AKAASHI" "AKAASHI"
so during your usual study date day, he just decided to straight up ask you to be his girlfriend.
"W-what?" you just sat there for a whole minute because... what if things gonna feel different once you two put a real label to your not so friendly friendship? What if being friends with Akaashi is a lot more better than being his girlfriend? What if he ended up leaving you because he doesn't like the real you? There are so many ugly things that you hide from him, would he still love you the same after seeing all those imperfection? so many what if(s) going inside of your head, so little time to actually process each one of it.
"Umm, you can say no, you know...." all the messy thoughts inside your head stopped right away after hearing that.
"NO! wait, Keiji- I mean, not no to be your girlfriend, its no to me saying no to be your girlfriend." God, its hard to be in love. You can't control your heart, your brain, and now your tongue. God bless your soul, olivia.
"So.... is that a yes to be my girlfriend then?" Akaashi looks really small in that moment. He is still not sure if he can finally kiss you or not. Only being a friend to you for these past 6 months kept him from doing a lot of romantic stuff with you. Kissing you, holding your hands for no reason, hugging you any time he wants to, actually go on a study date with you instead of a childish study day. So now he really won't waste a single time if you answer his previous question with a "Yes" ;
After having a long talk about your imperfections, all your insecurities, and also tons of frustrated tears coming from your eyes, you finally say yes and there you have your new title as Akaashi Keiji's new girlfriend. He definitely got his long waited kiss from you too 🌻.
HEADCANON(s)!!
Bokuto once joined you and akaashi's museum date and he broke a statue hand after trying to handshake the statue. He grabbed the broken hand and show it to you and akaashi with teary eyes. Can't do nothing but running for your life and never comeback to that one particular museum 😭
You and Akaashi have the same love language, "Act of Service" ; So the two of you enjoy giving each other little massage here and there.
Just like you, Akaashi love being helpful for others too, so he really enjoyed the time he spent accompanying you to all your community service agendas. People that you two have been helping together ship you guys so much, especially the elderly couple. They keep saying "You two will make it until old days like us two."
After a long time dating eachother, you two decided to adopt a cute siberian husky that you named "Bobo". Akaashi rejected that name at first, because "Honestly love, I don't like how you picked a name so close to Bokuto's name. Our dog deserves better." You gasped at that, "How dare you, Keiji. This is our son! And his name is Bobo. I don't take no for an answer."
RUNNER UP(s) !!
OSAMU MIYA
SAWAMURA DAICHI
SHINSUKE KITA
alright this getting too long haha.
I hope you enjoy the results, love 🦋
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Bar Night - Dean Winchester
Request: could you do a dean one where reader and dean are at a bar and reader is getting hit on and dean pulls her out of the bar and reader gets mad and asks why he cares and she realizes he’s jealous and he eventually tells her he loves her please
A/N: Bear with me, I’m still getting used to writing Dean.
Supernatural Masterlist
✧ ✧ ✧ ✧
Usually this was Dean’s gig, flirt with the cute bartender while they shamelessly dropped hints about what time they were getting off shift. Tonight you’d lucked out though. Not that you were interested in the guy tending bar for anything more than a quick night but he was cute, you’d give him that. In an ‘I stopped aging at 30 and I look like an ex member of a boyband’ way. Which was fine since Dean was keeping you at arms length. Heaven forbid anyone ever get close to him again besides Sam.
“And the guy says-“
“Hey,” speak of the devil (figuratively), you turned in your stool to see Dean standing there, his usual attempt at a stoic expression on his face but you could tell he was pissed. About what, you weren’t sure, but you had known him long enough to pick up on his tells.
You were right too. He was pissed. He’d been sitting at the booth the three of you had grabbed earlier in the evening, watching you sit up at the bar. You had said you were only going up for a refill but next thing he knew you were sitting on the stool, chatting with the too friendly bartender.
“What’s taking her so freakin’ long?” Dean grumbled, “how hard is it to uncap a bottle of beer and walk it over here.”
“She’s talking to the bartender Dean, I know you can see that.” San replied, too busy reading over the paper to bother with this eventual lover’s quarrel. Except, of course, that you weren’t lovers. At least not yet.
“This is ridiculous, I’m gonna be dead before my beer makes it to the table.” He stood up, making his way through the crowd to the bar. Any other given night he would’ve just waited but he could see you leaning against the counter as the bartender told what he imagined was a stupid, fabricated story about something ordinary. “Hey.”
“Oh, hey,” you smiled and your stool turned though Dean didn’t miss the way you glanced back at the bartender, as if to suggest that this new person held no threat to him.
“I thought you were grabbing beers?”
“I am.” You nodded toward the three beers that were sitting on the counter, “see, there are the beers and I’m right here, getting them.”
“Yeah, yeah...I see you sitting here chatting it up with the bartender while Sam and I are over there waiting. Like we got nothing friggin’ else to do.”
“Well you’re here now, take the beers. I wouldn’t want you and Sam to dehydrate.” You replied, rolling your eyes at him as you took a sip of your own beer. You wanted to tell Dean that if the bartender was some skimpily dressed woman, he would’ve parked his ass in the stool all night long. Instead he was bitching because you took five extra minutes to yourself.
“Are you coming?” He asked, grabbing the beers off the counter. He looked back at the booth where Sam was still sitting, completely oblivious to the two of you.
“Back to the booth?” You asked, “in a minute.” You turned back toward the counter, eyes scanning the line of people to see where your bartender was.
“You know we got a case we’re trying to work on here, maybe you could act a little more professional and save the hook-ups for after we gank this thing.” Dean knew how hypocritical he sounded but he couldn’t stop himself, he was seeing red just standing there watching you look for the bartender and there was no way he would be capable of walking calmly back to Sam and going on with the night knowing that you would be with someone else.
You almost spit out your beer when you laughed, the bitter sound letting Dean know you were pissed at him, the laugh only a mocking one. “That’s the fucking most hilarious thing you’ve ever said. Excuse me for enjoying myself and not sulking in the corner with you and Sam.”
“You don’t even know who this guy is, for all we know-“
You cut him off before he could finish the sentence, spinning so quickly in your chair you were thankful you didn’t completely fall off and embarrass yourself. “Do not even finish that sentence Dean.” You snapped. “I can’t believe you, what just cause a guy is interested in me he must be a monster? Is that what you’re insinuating?”
“No I-“ He shook his head, quickly trying to back track. It was too late though, you were already heading for the door of the dive bar, no doubt planning on walking the short distance back to the motel. He wasn’t finished having the conversation though and he’d be damned if you went off and then pretended like nothing ever happened. “hey!” He called after you, putting the beers back on the counter.
“Hey man, you gotta pay for those.” The bartender you’d been looking for earlier seemed to reappear as Dean stepped away from the counter.
“Screw you.” He called over his shoulder, following you outside.
-
You weren’t hard to find or to catch up with. Before you could even get halfway across the parking lot to where Baby was sitting Dean had grabbed your arm, trying to stop you. In the moment you swung back, trying to hit him but he grabbed the wrist of your other arm before your right hook could land on his face. “Hey, whoa, wait a minute.” Dean said.
You yanked your arms away and crossed them in front of you, trying to glare daggers into his skull. Rowena no doubt knew a spell for something like that, you wouldn’t mind having it handy in moments like these.
“I wasn’t trying to say he was a-” He started to say but you rolled your eyes.
“Anyway you spin that it’s gonna bite you in the ass. Try apologizing for once without talking your way out of a problem.”
“I’m not talking my way out of anything!”
“Oh please!” You groaned, “you always do this!”
“Do what? All I did was ask you where my beer was and you’re flying off the handle!” Dean argued though he knew that wasn’t true. He’d pushed you because he was jealous watching you flirt with that guy. Antagonizing you at the bar had worked enough to get you away from the bartender but he hadn’t wanted to get you mad at him in the process.
“What are you gaslighting me now? I’m not crazy! We go out all the time and you flirt with anything that walks by but I flirt with one guy and you immediately lose it!”
“I wouldn’t call it ‘losing it’.” He replied, trying to keep up his indifference.
“I’m not doing this with you again Dean.” You said, suddenly sounding more tired than angry, “give me the keys, I’m going back to the hotel.”
“Absolutely not.” He shook his head. There was no way he was letting you have Baby but there was also no way he was letting you walk back alone. “We’re not done talking.”
You sighed, shaking your head at him. He wasn’t going to give up but all you wanted was to put this behind you. These arguments were all the same, they led nowhere and tomorrow he would be back to the same old Dean flirting with other women and ignoring any inkling that there might be something between the two of you. “We aren’t talking, we’re yelling in a parking lot about nothing. About your need to sabotage every chance I get with-“
“You didn’t even like that guy.”
“Oh, so now you’re the expert on what guys I like?”
“Just, could you shut up for a minute?” He snapped.
“Excuse m-“
You were ready for a comeback, that fire you felt at being practically scolded in front of a bar full of people right there in your throat ready to yell at him when he kissed you. Without warning Dean grabbed your face and kissed you, eyes closed, his shoulders relaxing, until you shoved him back.
As fogged over as the kiss made your brain and as much as you were dying to keep kissing him, you were not going to lose this argument. “I swear to god Dean Winchester if you just kissed me to distract me from-”
“Will you shut up?” He groaned, “fine, you want me to say it, here it goes. I like you. God, I sound like I’m in high school. That bartender, the coroner last week, that lawyer we interviewed two days ago. They’re all crap and as much as I would like to keep you at arm's length and pretend I’m not feeling this way I can’t keep sitting there watching these guys, terrified that one of them will be different than the rest and you’ll leave. And I don’t wanna be the one to condemn you to this life-”
“Condemn me to it? God Dean I’ve been in it as long as you have.” You replied, cutting him off before he could go down the rabbit hole of pitying himself.
“It’s not fair of me to ask you to stick it out and give up any sense of normalcy. And it’s not fair of me to dump all this crap on you in some dive bar parking lot but seeing you with other guys just reminds me that I want that with you. I love you, I can’t keep acting like I don’t.” Dean said, frustration giving way to exhaustion, “there, that’s it.”
“Oh thank you, I can talk now?”
“Always with the smart ass comments.”
“I try.” You grinned, your earlier anger subsiding at Dean’s confession. You’d always thought there was something between the two of you but usually wrote it off as a misinterpretation on your part but to hear him say that he loved you was all you needed. “And you’re not condemning me to anything or dumping your crap on me or any other over dramatic, pain in the ass way you can think of to torture yourself over actually having feelings for me.”
“I am not being dramatic.” Dean argued.
“Are you kidding me, this is the epitome of Winchester drama. Lucky for you, I happen to love you enough to put up with it.” You confessed.
“Yeah well…what? Really?”
“Hey, I’d be hunting with or without you but enduring 48 hour car trips in the backseat of Baby while you and Sam bullshit each other…consider it a testament of my love for you.” You started to head back to the bar when Dean grabbed your arm again, stopping you in your tracks.
“Uh, no, where do you think you’re going?” There was no way he was letting you go back into that bar.
“I still want a beer! And Sam is in there.” You said looking at the door to the dive and then back to Dean.
He shrugged, pulling you closer to him again. He wasn’t about to spend the rest of the night sitting in a booth with Sam when he had just told you he loved you and listened to you say it back. He’d been wanting this for too long. “Sam‘ll figure out we left and there’s beer back at the hotel.”
-
The real question...does Sam ever realize their gone?
#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester fanfic#dean winchester fanfiction#Dean Winchester Imagine#dean winchester fic#dean winchester x you#dean winchester x y/n#supernatural fanfiction#Supernatural fanfic#supernatural imagine#supernatural fic#spn fanfiction#spnfandom#spn fanfic#spn imagine#spn fic#collecting stories imagine
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[11:27] Dating Lee Donghyuck is playing with fire, and everyone knows it. He's everything everyone wants — good grades, Soccer Team captain and handsome face. It's not hard to see why they like him so much, with his eyes a beautiful shade of brown, skin gracefully tanned and attractive proportions, he's quite a sight. Not to mention the positive vibes he radiates, his existence so bright you could only compare it to the Sun's and it still seems like an understatement — and with this, it's a given fact that the boy, or Haechan as he likes to go by, can get what and who he wants easily.
What makes being in love with him like playing with fire, though, isn't his popularity — it's his lack of interest in anyone who trips over their feet for him; you could fall for him for as long as you want but he would never reciprocate. Lee Donghyuck can get what he wants easily, but Lee Donghyuck doesn't like easy. What he likes, or more specifically, who he likes, to everyone's clear knowledge, is you.
Unfortunately, you happened to be the 'most dense, cold hearted, oblivious person to walk on this planet' according to his very own words, and Jaemin has to shake his head no, with a whispered "She just isn't interested, let her be, let her have her peace". Another unfortunate thing, though, is that listening is not a skill Donghyuck was given, and following advices is not something he's known for.
Just to add to the list of the boy's misfortune, you're absolutely willing to do everything to not have to cross paths with him because despite the rather flowery descriptions provided, you're not exactly fond of the boy — you hate him. You hate his guts, the cocky grin that never seems to disappear from his lips whenever he's looking at you, and the teasing from your schoolmates whenever they catch him flirting with you. You hate him, Lee Donghyuck, with every fibre of your being, passionately. Or so you want to believe.
But that isn't enough, apparently, because even if you're bursting with the will to avoid Lee Donghyuck, it proves you hard escape this situation when he's standing at the door of your classroom like he owns the school, "Hey, Y/N-ah, the professor said you can't leave without giving me a hug first. What's up?"
The room echoes with cheers, and it only makes the boy's grin wider. Some of your classmates nudge at you and others whine in jealousy — you cross your arms. The last thing you're about to give Haechan is satisfaction from getting a reaction out of you.
"What's down?" you roll your eyes at him. He's popular, isn't he? Why don't he just ask for a hug for someone else? Pretty sure half the University would trip over their feet rushing to him — why would he even ask you for a hug? "Literally, shut up."
"Why are you so mean to me?" he feigns hurt in his voice and you feel annoyed because the lingering stares only means more teasing you about this later. Somewhere behind Hyuck, you see Jaemin's apologetic eyes and the other boys' cheeky faces, "You were hanging out with my friends just as fine a while ago! I don't like feeling excluded, include me!"
"It's because they don't annoy me and they're pretty cool," you mentain a blank face despite being really pissed, "Unlike you."
He opens his mouth to make a comeback, but before he gets on your nerves, you roll your eyes and does the thing you do best — you run away from your problems, in this case, the problem being Lee Donghyuck.
The rest of the day wasn't anything interesting. Everything went pretty normal — you go home, eat dinner, finish up your homeworks earlier than expected, and you think of things. Okay. Maybe the last part was a bit out of the ordinary, but these days you find it easier to think about things more than just letting the thought slip off your mind.
Things change, people leave, families aren't perfect — you try to convince yourself, and it works. These thoughts are mostly suppressed in the back of your mind, preoccupied with whatever nonsense you have to accomplish, and you wanted to keep it that way.
It makes you heart hurt and you're not afraid to admit that you think it will never stop hurting. Time will heal it, you believe. Realistically, maybe not completely, but you're sure it will heal you to the point where the wound only hurts on the bad days, and you're gonna make sure to have less of those. You succeed, as you expected, keeping the thoughts to the very far back side of your mind until you eventually forget you have them.
But just because you do a good job keeping them away, it doesn't mean they're not there.
On times like this, silent and lonely, a huge house to yourself; when the house you're supposed to call home is empty besides you, your parents absent again, you're reminded of all the certain happy memories and the melancholy they bring; the people you'd rather not yearn for, and the feelings you'd rather keep burried, bottled up until they eventually get left behind, cold, forgotten. Just like they all did to you — just like he will once he gets what he wants, and that's the exact reason you wouldn't give him that.
You shake your head as soon as the words ring inside your head, closing your eyes and luring yourself to sleep to prevent yourself from dwelling on it. You wonder what tomorrow had to offer with a solemn expression, hoping to sleep soundly for tonight — you didn't.
Today was just as bad as the others, you narrate to yourself with a spent sigh, wondering how pitiful you look pinned against one of the book shelves with your nightmares towering over you, "Fancy seeing you here, sugar."
"Yeah. Can we not do that?", you try to push him to no avail, your eyes automatically searching for Jaemin so he could help you but the absence of his friends leaves you helpless. You try to look away, trying to distract yourself from the close proximity of your bodies and the lack of space in between your lips, "Is there any way I could unsubscribe from your life? If there's none, for the meantime, move."
"Say, mom wants to invite you for dinner tonight to say thanks because you know, you helped me with subject I'm struggling with," he says with a low voice, body unmoving, "Come over?"
The smile you lend him makes you look stronger than you feel, and the push you served him lacked in strength, "If your mom didn't tell me back then that you're indeed her son, I would have thought you're adopted because of your parents' kindness. I'm busy. Don't worry, I'll make sure to come over when you're not there."
"Oh? She's playing hard to get?" Hyuck says, still dangerously close and all of a sudden, you feel a sudden urge to wipe the grin he's sporting in his lips with your own, "I — like — that," he punctuates each word with a mocking tilt of his head and your fists shake.
Donghyuck's known for his bad boy reputation, and it's getting on your nerves now. The display on power he shows everyone, the teasing smirks tugging up his lips and the way he flirts — they don't matter, because you just see him as bad. Bad for your health, bad for your mind, bad for your heart. He's not the type who does crazy shit, offends laws and overall throws their lives away, no. He's the type that screams danger, walks on burning wires with a wicked grin on his face — one look at his eyes and you're gone, a taste of his lips and you'll want more. You don't like it.
Whether it was out of anger or just to stop yourself from doing something stupid, you didn't have the time to figure out because not even two whole seconds after the words left his mouth, you're doing the thing again — running away. Although it was not as simple as you made it seem. No, your life is never that simple and Donghyuck just never gives up — you learned that the hard way. For the rest of the afternoon, Donghyuck doesn't stop appearing in your line of view, popping up with the same words as the last.
You would say it angers you that he just won't back off, but that would be lying to yourself and you already lied to yourself a handful of times. To be true, you lived for it — you love the chase, and you notice. You notice the way his eyes linger on you every now and then, the heart fluttering smile he sends you when nobody is looking and the way it drives him crazy when you smile at everyone that is not him, playing the oblivious card to all his antics.
It's like a sick little game for you, and what's crazy is that you don't really want to win. A stronger emotion overpowers your coldness towards him — a feeling you're not yet ready to admit — making you want to give in, but also wanting him to earn it. You don't want the victory — you want to wrestle and lose. You want to feel his love and be overcome by it, you want to be in his arms but not willingly. You want a chase, you want him to play the game that you planned to lose, you want him to drive you wild until you have no choice but let him in. You want to see what he has under his sleeve. You don't want to defeat him — you want to challenge him. Never did you feel guilt.
There is a first to everything, as people say, and if the way something bubbled up your chest during dismissal when you saw Haechan's devastated face after Jaemin came up to you, all sweet smiles and gentle eyes, was something to hold onto, then it's most probably right. "I'm throwing a party later. Wanna come? I mean you always do… but since you know, were kinda friends now, I'd like you to come with us as our friend."
"Later?" you tilt your head to the side and smile, and you weren't even doing this to rile Donghyuck up but you lock eyes with him before grinning widely to Jaemin and the others behind him, "Sure, I don't have anything planned later, anyway."
"Thank God you agreed! I thought you wouldn't," Jaemin's smile was bright but it did not distract you from the sad glint in Haechan's eyes, "I'll make sure to have extra cherries for you, since you seem to love them."
"Oh babe, they're my favorite," you scrunch your nose up, and you watch Jaemin laugh before waving them bye with the words 'I'll see you guys later' and walking away. Once you're out from their sight, you lean to the nearest wall and clutch your constantly hurting chest — guilt is something you hate, and with the pain it brings you, it sure seems to hate you just as much, if not more.
The guilt is long forgotten later that night when Renjun shows up in front of your house by 8pm, making a comment about how nice your house is. You shrug at him, not really fond of the place but you still offer him a kind smile and tell him that he's free to come by whenever he wants, so as the other boys. The ride to Jaemin's house was surprisingly not long, the two of you live pretty close to each other. The whole time you were inside the car was fun, Renjun playfully complimenting you through insults and you two share a banter with the radio tuned down. By the time you arrive at the party, it's already in full swing and you see the rest, Jaemin and Jeno waiting for you and Renjun outside.
"Hey," Jaemin says before slinging an arm to your shoulders, "You look pretty, but I hope you're comfortable because those shoes like a pain in the ass."
"It is," you hum, "and it will be a pain in your ass if I kick you with it later because your party disappointed me."
Jeno just grunts beside you, Renjun following closely behind, and he clicks his tongue, "You get so bratty once you're comfortable with people, don't you?"
You only shrug, offering him a smile as they lead you to the drinks. As promised, Jaemin's left you a bowl of cherries for you to snack on, Renjun not leaving your side even when you insist he go alongside Jeno and Jaemin who are currently enjoying themselves. You already know how to spend your night — just like this, and Renjun assures you that it's totally fine to want to go to a party just because and not socialize, because that's exactly what he does too. You smile at his thoughtfulness, the gentle aura around the boys you never expected but is not unwelcomed, and you wonder if Hyuck is like this too.
Hyuck? Did you just call him Hyuck? You're not even that close!
You planned everything so clearly, you go to the party looking peachy, sit down with the bowl of cherries Jaemin gave you and maybe have a few shots — you had two, and that's enough, but boy, parties can drive you wild. That's the only excuse you have on why right now, you're in the middle of a circle with Lee Jeno, stuck in a game of Too Hot, pressed up against each other with hands behind your backs, "Wait, we have to do it here?"
"Well, how else are we supposed to know you're not touching each other if we're not watching you?" a girl from the circle says, and you remember her from your Math class. You shake your head, "No, I'm not kissing Jeno in front of you, perverts," your comment makes Jeno giggle, agreeing with you but you just roll your eyes when they all just shrug at you — you have to do it, just because you're Y/N and you're too stubborn to back down.
You sigh, offering Jeno a smile which he mirrors and makes a snarky remark about how you're probably gonna give up after five seconds. You roll your eyes playfully, "I'm not drunk enough for this," you say, wanting to grab a shot but before you can do so, Jeno is pulling you close to a kiss, and the last thing you remember was the cheers around you before you drown into it, mind focused on keeping your hands to yourself.
He tasted like the dessert Jaemin served, but there was no trace if alcohol in him nor Jaemin, you realized. You want to laugh at how ridiculous it was, them not even drinking when they were the ones who wanted to throw this party. Through the whole thing, you realized something. Jeno is soft spoken, all about eye smiles and cats but for the whole time you hanged out with them, you realized that Jeno is someone who possesses strong duality, and that's exactly what kissing him felt. He started soft and playfully, ever so often giggling with each other but it only takes a scream of 'you're supposed to make-out, not all that mushy shit' for him to dive in deeper and the moment you to dared to push your tongue out, you knew you were in for a ride, the smirk tugging on his lips proving that he's amused by your daring action.
Jeno is competitive, almost as competitive as you, you're willing to give him that, but letting someone overpower you without much struggle is not something you're known for, and you figure that you should find a way to make him lose after seven minutes passed and neither of you was near losing. You let a moan slip past your lips, Jeno's hands flying to your waist to pull you closer as if on instinct and the two of you burst out laughing alongside the crowd. Somewhere along the blurs, they joke around about how cute Jeno is and the boy just laughs.
You go back to where Renjun is, finally done with the game of Too Hot and he shakes his head at you, showing you that he filmed the whole thing. It's probably not the best idea, but even if you only became friends a couple of months ago, you have been schoolmates with Renjun for so long and you know the boy is harmless. You just laugh at his antics, "Don't use that weirdly, Huang."
"Oh, believe me, I won't. I just want to show Jeno how pathetic that was," he laughs alongside you, shoulders shaking, "You're really wild. I never understood how people approach you when you're so quiet, but maybe they all already saw this side of you and now, I know."
"Yeah, at one point, they all did. And our school is not even that big, everyone knows everyone and I'm friends with them. Well, except…", you shrug instead of saying his name. Renjun nods in understanding, "And I'm not wild. I just do really bad things… and I do them very well."
Renjun almost choking on his laughter was the highlight of the night, and that says a lot because the people who played the game saw you and Jeno almost make out in the middle of the whole party. A half smile forms on your lips as you look around, bodies pressed against each other around you, Jaemin and Jeno stacking cups to build a tower on the side, everything surrounding you felt so close yet so far, soaked in red lights but all you could see is yellow.
And it dawns to you.
This is what cool people do. This is what you don't want to do. And so, with a smile and a kiss on the cheek, you left the boys behind at the party despite their offers of driving you home — you have no intentions to go home; you have no home to go to. What you have is a house, people who gave you life and deprived you of everything else that money can't buy.
You're out of it, walking carelessly without a clear destination. You had enough fun for tonight and it's time to be sad now. You walk, and walk, and walk with nothing and everything inside your head at once, unbothered by the horrors of the dark and humanity. You're out of it, maybe that's why you're in this situation. Your brain is foggy and messy and you're inside your nightmare's car, eyes occasionally meeting every now and then.
He didn't bring you to a romantic place up the hill, he doesn't drive you to a nice park, but he drives you up to a high place, to an abandoned building, led you to the rooftop and offered you the sight of the city of stars and the glistening city lights under your feet — the whole drive was silent, unlike the one you spent with Renjun, but it felt so nice to be silent for a while. It also feels nice that someone found you worthy enough to bring you to a place so dear to them.
Donghyuck seems warm outside the school — his thighs still clad in tight jeans, but instead of the leather, another shitty stereotype he goes along with, he's wearing a much more comfortable hoodie. Outside of the school, you needed to play no roles; Donghyuck is the soft person he is, and you're still his exact opposite.
"Why were you outside?", he breaks the silence, eyes locked to the view in front of you. Your shoulders shake, "I was from the party, and decided it's the perfect time to not be happy," you smirk, "You're probably mad that I went to Jaemin's party and lied to you, but I'm just not the family dinner kind of person. It's fine, you probably hate me right now."
"I don't. I was just curious," he shrugs and it takes you everything to stop yourself from cooing at the way his lips is forming a pout — he's your enemy, you remind yourself, but damn, the things he makes you wanna do, "Although I'm quite surprised. You don't leave parties unless they're over, so why now?"
"Things change." you simply say as if you weren't just thinking about the cruel ways you could leave him wanting more after a kiss, about the way you could treat him good, as if it's the most normal thing in the world, "I already got my fun, I got what I want. I figure I take my leave."
His expression remained lost, ever so subtly scrunching his brows and you laugh at the words that spurt out his mouth, "You, you're interesting."
"I know. That's why you like me, right? Don't try to look shocked now. Yes, I, Y/N, know that you, Donghyuck, is flirting with me more often than not," you roll your eyes at his pout.
"Can I ask a dumb question?", he mutters silently, eyes still not meeting yours and you had to hold a laugh, "Better than anyone I know, if you're wondering."
"You're always mean to me even if you're friends with my friends, and this is the longest conversation we had," he shakes his head, finally looking at you, "Why do you hate me so much?"
A bittersweet smile makes it's appearance on your face, nothing compared to his crestfallen one. You're out of it, you remind yourself again, and maybe that's why you're currently spitting out shit you'd most probably regret later, but you allow yourself to fall apart, the wall you built around to protect you disappearing slowly as a sad smile overcomes the bittersweet one, "I don't hate you. I just know what you want and I like the chase."
His face screamed confusion, and you know it would have been the best if you just let him be instead of providing him with answers — there are things that are better left unsaid, and you're sure that you're pretty sober and conscious, just stupid, "Why do you want the chase so much, then?"
Your lips dripped of sweets and honey as you spoke, a wistful look in your eyes as you stared down to the city lights under the building, "I want to feel wanted." A silence envelopes the two of you and you take it as a request to continue, "People have a tendency of leaving me when they get what they want. My parents stopped being parents when I could already live and take care of myself since they are confident they already have a child to take over the bussiness, and my best friend left when she already knew all my secrets. People stop looking for you when you're no longer interesting, when you no longer serve purpose to them, when they already got what they want. The chase is better than the end game."
Donghyuck makes a sound similar to being punched in the throat, and at that moment, he felt something fall — maybe his heart broke for you, maybe it fell deeper for you, maybe both. Eitherway, that night, the two of you was closer than ever, crying together, and at that moment, you were sure that everything is now changed with Lee Donghyuck.
Your life is a huge spiral of wrong decisions and thoughts, you prove when Monday comes in the form of Lee Haechan harshly pulling you out to a more secluded place, only some students around the corner, and his angry expression tells you that nothing really changed.
"Why the fuck were you kissing Lee Jeno?", you frown at his words, and you remember Renjun's text earlier that day about Donghyuck stealing his phone and most likely seeing the video. You knew it won't end well when he showed it to you, but nobody really is to blame here because why the fuck would Renjun think that a certain Lee would steal his phone? "Y/N, answer me!"
"Jesus, Lee Donghyuck! You can't just lose your temper like this when the slightest of inconvenience happens! You're not entitled of me!", you strip his hands of your wrist, "I kiss whoever I want. My body, my choice — and if you don't respect that, I'll make sure nobody finds yours, Lee."
He finally breathes, arms crossing and clearly annoyed, but his pout almost makes you want to apologize, "I really hate you."
"It was just a game, for the love of fuck," the profanities keep going out of your mouth out of annoyance, and you just want to end this now — possibly with your lips against his, "And in case you're wondering, I hate you too. Why are you even mad?!"
"Hey, what's happening?", Jaemin comes running, panting and moves in the middle of you and Donghyuck. Renjun and Jeno was behind him, the two moving to Hyuck, and the boy just whines, "Jeno! Why were you kissing her?"
"I just told you!"
"I'm not talking to you, Y/N!", he grits his teeth, "Jeno!"
"Why are you so bothered by it anyway?!", you yell loudly at him, annoyed because you're aware that people are starting to stare. Haechan snaps his head towards your direction, annoyed that you won't even let the others speak, "Because I like you, Y/N, and you just kissed Jeno!"
"Oh my God, Hyuck! Can't you just be Elsa and let it go? It's just a kiss — it's not like Jeno and I married behind your back? I literally have to watch you suck faces with people who confesses to you every day of the week, and you're losing your shit over me and Jeno kissing?", you roll your eyes. Now, people are actually staring, "So annoying. Why am I even in love with you?" you make a show of childishly stepping at his foot before walking away, leaving them and the people watching gaping, a hint of smile on your lips.
You walk towards the lone tree on the field, Donghyuck following shortly after, catching his breathe. Once he looks decent enough, he speaks, "W-was that a confession?"
"Eyes up here, loser." you say to him, and once he complies, you step on your toes to catch his lips in a chaste kiss, "You owe me a date, and thanks."
"What?" he says, dazed, and you take pity on the boy. For the first time in years, a soft expression creeps up your face, and you shrug as you speak, "Thank you. Just thank you."
Donghyuck's smile mirrors yours, and it feels like game over to you; there are two ways this would end, you break each other or together, the two of you goes for forevermore. Eitherway, loving Lee Donghyuck is art — there's no right way to do it, you just have to do what feels right. As your hands intertwine, you realize that by the end of the chase, you never really lost. You had Donghyuck, and that's enough to consider it as a win.
Loud cheers from behind Donghyuck erupts, the three boys laughing crazily and basically wheezing. Friends. Finally, they're your friends too, and as they tackle the two of you into a group hug, you felt something you never felt before.
It feels warm, it feels like you belong, it feels like purple. It feels like something you never felt — home. You're home. A place where you don't need to play shitty roles, a place where you can cry and smile and laugh freely, a place where you don't need to be interesting to be worthy. People usually are the happiest at home, and it never made sense to you until now. Maybe you thought wrong before, maybe the end game is better than the chase, and this is the reward for holding on that long. You could live like this. You want to live like this. Forever.
Forever and more.
#so uh#this is a request#lmao#nct dream donghyuck#nct dream jeno#nct dream renjun#nct dream jaemin#mostly 00 line cuz im whipped for them#nct dream x reader#nct blurbs#nct dream blurbs#nct dream fluff#nct dream imagines#nct fluff#nct scenarios#haechan x reader#haechan imagines#haechan fluff#haechan nct#haechan blurbs#i did my best uwu#the dreamies are driving me crazy but i love them
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All Together
This past month and last month were hard on me. I don’t do well during the holiday season and I know a lot of us in this community don’t have great families, unable to see their families, or have people to call their family during this time so I thought I would contribute to the holiday with a comfort piece.
With that said since it is a comfort piece, the villains are going to be soft as heck towards the reader
It’s also because I thirst for the villains lmao
I’m tired af I’ll look over this tomorrow and fix any mistakes
I send my love to everyone and I hope you all have a good holiday if you celebrate!
Taglist of Lovelies: @chrismarium @i-need-a-life-from-life-2-0 @gentlechainsaws @uncle-sev @hibari18fan @spicyramenbakugou @specialagentlokitty @fangirljazzy @crystal-birds-love
League of Villains x Reader (Gender-Neutral/Non-Binary)
Warnings: Profanity, Fluff for days I hope, Dabi and Tomura being themselves
Words: 1761
“Whoa, who the fuck died?” Shigaraki asks, his voice is loud as the door to the bar is slammed shut behind him.
When you glance up you are surprised to see Shigaraki displeased that you are well… not yourself. Dabi is beside him a bit worried. Why? You for once are completely silenced. You are almost never silent, especially in the morning unless it is too early. You haven’t even given them any retort or welcome. It is odd and it nerves them.
That is until a small smile forms on your face. You have an idea for them and if they don’t agree to it, you may very well throw a fit, give Shigaraki a taste of his own medicine or something.
“Wipe that idiotic look off your face,” Shigaraki hisses when your smile grew.
You don’t say a single word as Toga who somehow absolutely adores you, gets in their faces with a happy crazed look in her eyes. You told her of a plan and she immediately fell in love with it so if they don’t like it they will have to deal with her unusual crazy way of getting her way which consisted of begging like a five-year-old.
“(Name), had the best idea ever! They suggested we celebrate the upcoming holiday together!” Toga says jumping up and down with glee.
Shigaraki immediately says, “Fuck that. Why in the hell would we do that?”
Toga’s face falls at the answer but she isn’t the type to give up. Immediately she wraps her arms around herself in a self-hug and starts to swing. “Because silly! We don’t have anywhere else to be! I can’t ever go home, my parents hate who I am so all I have is you guys! It would be so not fun if we didn’t do anything!” She says as she eagerly gives them her puppy dog eyes that have no effect.
“Where are the others and their thoughts on this?” Shigaraki questions with a hiss.
He’s really not having a good time with this idea but thankfully you have another member up your sleeve. Spinner who was watching the scene fold-out and awaited his cue beside Kurogiri stands with ease to be with you and Toga.
His voice is soft and full of thought as he says, “I agree. I would like to spend the holidays here with everyone. The way (Name) had said it earlier moved me and reminded me that we all are in quite the serious predicament of not being able to return home. This is our home now since we are dedicate-“
“Shut the fuck up. If I say yes, will you stop talking before you get to that dumb Stain nonsense?” Shigaraki questions and you light up with Toga.
You finally speak for the first time since they stepped into the room and you resemble an excited animal. “So, it is a yes?”
“For fuck’s sake. Just tell me what your idea is. I don’t want to hear it from the Stain loving freaks,” Shigaraki says in a grumble as he goes to take his normal seat at the counter.
You are quick to speak as to not further aggravate him. “Simple. Let’s celebrate the holiday together! Obviously, we are rather lacking in the money department so any gifts are a no go. I figured Kurogiri can use his resources to get us all the ingredients needed to create a feast. We can do other things as well! What the… Why are you making that face jerk! Listen… What I am trying to say is I consider you my family and I want a night of normalcy.”
Dabi observes you with cold eyes before he lets out a snort.
You somehow amazed him. He wouldn’t ever admit that but just the way you are so caring to them, it’s refreshing to see. He’s thankful that you share similar views about the world and somehow even Shigaraki saw something in you. Your genuine kindness towards them did something and now they all have a soft spot for you.
It was just an obvious yes to begin with.
“Creepy face, just say yes already and stop making it sound like they were asking your hand in marriage. Ain’t nobody want to marry your crusty ass,” Dabi says the smirk on his face prominent.
For once, Shigaraki doesn’t even have a comeback. Instead, he seems intrigued now by the idea of celebrating a holiday. He glances at Kurogiri and asks, “What do you think?”
“It is always good to have a moment together in a family-like way. You haven’t had the taste of something quite like that so I agree with this. Shall I go get ingredients? It will only take but a moment then I can start cooking whatever (Name) and Toga conjure up from their family experiences,” Kurogiri says waiting for approval.
With a simple nod from Shigaraki, Kurogiri leaves to do as planned. Toga jumps up and down with excitement as Spinner has a soft smile on his face.
Dabi places a hand on your head before tousling your hair. “Well, you got the yes. What’s the set-up we’re doing?”
“We need to wait for Twice, Magne, and Mr. Compress. Twice and Magne went to go get the movies and comfort items for this since this place is… well y’know. We’re moving everything to the back in that old room besides Shigaraki’s room,” You explain the plan for the utmost comfort.
Dabi laughs or huffs at the thought before he asks, “How is Mr. Compress contributing?”
“Take a wild guess.”
When Dabi doesn’t say a word you give a small pout before unveiling the answer, “Games! Okay, I am sort of kidding. He’s insisted on bringing a surprise so I’m just trusting him and before you say anything Dabi the answer is no. I do not trust any of your surprises.”
“Ouch.”
~*~
“Did I do this right?” Shigaraki asks his eyes bright with genuine curiosity as he glances over at your own cookie that is being frosted.
You take a look at his and offer him a brilliant smile before saying, “Yes! Yours looks amazing!”
“What the fuck is it supposed to be?” Dabi asks looking over Shigaraki’s shoulder.
Immediately, a sigh escapes you as Shigaraki insults Dabi’s own cookie. You take a moment and look at the rest of the Leauge on your right side. Toga is on her tenth cookie. Hers are so cute in animal shapes. Magne only decorated a few but her cookies are all one colored frosting.
To your left is Shigaraki’s cookie that resembles All for One somehow. Dabi is beside him and his is well… A for effort? You have no idea what it is so he can’t be dissing Shigaraki’s cookie like that. Twice is just chaotically making the different colored frostings mix and match. Spinner at the end has frosted one cookie to resemble Stain.
Kurogiri and Mr. Compress refused to take part in this activity as they were the ones who made the cookies since they had very little trust in you all and baking. To be fair, they had a valid point. After all, cookies have been frosted, dried, and stacked on a plate it was time for something else.
“That was so much fun! I never want to do that again dumbass,” Twice says as he looks at you eagerly for the next move.
You smile and turn to Mr. Compress and speaking softly, “Thank you for getting the cookie supplies. That was a great surprise indeed!”
“My pleasure! Though I am intrigued by the game you had brought for everyone!” Mr. Compress states as you immediately pull out a board game from god knows where.
Twice and Toga do a gasp of surprise before they immediately clear off the table so it can be played by the first four players who want to play which is obviously going to be you, them, and Spinner who helped picked the game. Anyone else will have to wait.
As the game goes on you are surprised you haven’t heard a complaint from Dabi or Tomura in quite a while...
~*~
“Thank you!” You, Twice, Toga, Magne all thank Kurogiri after eating the wonderful dinner he slaved over.
He really did try hard for everyone and it turned out amazing despite every ingredient being stolen. Dabi nods his head towards Kurogiri and Shigaraki looks conflicted. Spinner and Mr. Compress look to be at peace for the first time in a long time.
“Now, I believe we have a few movies don’t we?” You ask getting excited to see what Magne and Twice got.
Everyone piles up together in the room next to Shigaraki’s where a huge television awaits. The movies the two got ranged from horror all the way to romance-comedy. The fighting had started and Kurogiri had to compromise with them like kids until you slyly put a movie in.
Despite how excited you were only moments after the movie started, yours and a few other snores can be heard throughout the room. The movie is paused by Mr. Compress so Kurogiri can toss some blankets at those who had fallen asleep. Which had been you, Toga, Twice, and Magne.
“Weren’t they the one who wanted to watch it that badly?” Dabi scoffs but he has that smirk on his face that shows that he is in fact content at the moment.
Kurogiri is staring at Shigaraki as he asks, “How did this make you feel? Being here all together and celebrating as a family? Indulging in a few of the member’s wishes?”
“I… It was odd. I didn’t like it but I also did. It felt nice to do something together but I wasn’t used to it,” Shigaraki murmurs.
He doesn’t need to explain what else. Those that are awake understand. It was nice spending the day celebrating the holiday as if they were a real family. Seeing everyone happy and at ease felt great but it brought up old and painful memories.
That was the odd thing they weren’t used to. Dabi is watching his boss with a careful eye as his boss watches the ring leader of the idea, sleep. They’re sharing the same idea. Thanks to (Name) they were able to create happy memories for the holiday. This is just what they needed, to spend time all together, without the judgment and pain of people who didn’t care for them. It was odd but they have never felt this content in a long while.
#boko no hero academia#my hero academia#bnha#mha#league of villains#x reader#LOV#fanfiction#oneshot#holiday one shot#i can't believe i made them this soft but i don't regret it#it's cute#fluff#comfort#bnha fanfiction#dabi#shigaraki tomura#toga himiko#it's sappy because i'm a softie and i love it#wholesome
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By Any Other Name
Summary: 5 times Peter called Mr. Stark Tony, and one time he called him something else entirely.
(Still set in the Irondad oasis between Homecoming and Infinity War)
Read on AO3
i. in the lab
It started, as most of their personal conversations do, during a late night in the lab. Peter was alternating between working on a history worksheet and his web-shooters, switching between the two projects when he ran out of steam. Tony was idly tinkering with a box of scraps while he waited for FRIDAY to process his newest idea for nanotech, which would take at least another hour. It was a gentle kind of silence that filled the room, only broken by various lab noises that they had both since learned to tune out-- a whir here, the ting of a fallen screw there, the soft scratching of a pencil on paper.
“Hey Mr. Stark,” Peter said, his voice easily carrying over the room, “What was the main catalyst for World War I?”
There was a short pause while Tony switched his attention from the growing pile of machinery in front of him to the teenager across the room before he answered, “Franz Ferdinand’s death.”
“Thanks,” Peter responded as he quickly wrote something down, “that’s what I thought, but I wasn’t sure about his name.” He laughed to himself softly, but it faded when he looked up to see Tony looking at him intently.
Tony took a breath to center himself before speaking. How could he tell the kid every time he called him Mr. Stark, it just reminded him of shitty fathers and childhoods spent masquerading like adults and drinking to avoid the stares of students and professors alike and-- he cut off his spiral with a short sniff. He decided casual was the best way to approach this.
“Hey kid, why do you still call me Mr. Stark?”
Peter blanched as he chewed on the inside of his cheek.
“It’s just that you’re a billionaire and a literal superhero, and May raised me to be respectful, I guess. There’s nothing more to it.” If it weren’t for the slightly more hysterical than normal nervous laugh that followed, Tony might have believed him.
“You call Rhodey by his first name,” Tony countered, “well, technically by his middle name, but the point stands.”
“That’s different because Rhodey’s not--” the man who spends all of his time either protecting me or poking fun at me, my childhood hero, my quasi-dad parental figure type person “--my mentor.”
“I can safely say that as your mentor, and given that you are also a ‘literal superhero,’” he rolled his eyes, successfully getting an annoyed smile from Peter, “I hereby grant you the ability to call me Tony.” He punctuated his words with a quick flourish of his hands.
Peter sighed before making hesitant eye contact, tapping his fingers against the leg of his jeans, “Okay… Tony.”
“That wasn’t too bad, was it? The world is still standing, the clock is still ticking,” now it was Peter’s turn to roll his eyes, “and speaking of the clock still ticking, looks like we let it tick a little too long. Time for bed, Spiderling.”
Peter reacted quickly to the change in conversation, “I can’t go to bed yet! I still have a few questions on this worksheet, and it’s due tomorrow!”
“You should have thought about that sometime before--” his eyes flitted to the clock and back, “--12:30 am. Jesus kid, you really do have to get to bed. Don’t want you taking after me too much.”
Tony tried to keep his tone light and joking, but it fell flat. Peter and him made eye contact for a second that seemed to stretch towards infinity before Tony looked away, pretending to study something on his desk.
“I mean, red and gold aren’t my colors, but I could manage,” Peter joked.
Tony chuckled at that, letting himself live in a world where his biggest regret was Iron Man’s suit design for a few moments.
“C’mon kid, flattery will get you nowhere. Let’s close up for the night.” He didn’t bother with clearing the scraps off his desk, he would go back down to the lab after making sure Peter went to bed.
“Please let me finish this, I promise it’ll be less than five minutes. I’ll even use FRIDAY so I can go even faster!”
“Kid, only you could make cheating sound like a good thing,” Tony took a beat to decide, as if Peter didn’t already have him wrapped around his finger, “Alright, just don’t tell your aunt that I let you stay up so late, it makes me look irresponsible. Or Pepper, for that matter. Thank God she’s still on her business trip or we would both be in trouble.”
“Thank you so much, Mr. Stark-- Tony. I’ll be out of here soon.”
Tony huffed out a laugh at the kid’s antics as he walked across the room to grab some more tools.
True to his word, Peter finished his homework in record time, thanks to FRIDAY’s seemingly endless database of information. Just as Tony was relaxing into the steady back and forth of their conversation, he heard the harsh zip of Peter’s backpack.
“Alright, it’s all finished, so I can go to bed now,” Peter said, looking pointedly at Tony.
“What’s with the look?”
“I think if you’re forcing me to go to bed, you should too.” Peter normally lost his filter when he was tired, so Tony shouldn’t be surprised that he’s getting rightfully called out.
“How about this-- I’ll walk you up, and then you can pretend I went to bed and not listen to my footsteps as I come back down here.”
Peter rolled his eyes but saved the witty comeback. He instead just walked to the door with his backpack and looked back at Tony like a dog getting ready for a walk. The imagery made Tony laugh to himself.
“Alright, I’m coming. FRI, put the lights to 50% all the way to Pete’s room.” A quick confirmation from the AI was all he needed to open the door and lead the way to the bedroom wing. He slung an arm around Peter, grasping his shoulder as the kid walked sleepily beside him.
They walked in amicable, or just tired, silence until they got to Peter’s door. May let him spend the night enough times that Peter finally felt comfortable enough to take ownership of the room, instead of having everyone pretend it was the guest room. It had a small whiteboard on the outside, reminding Tony of his days in the dorms at MIT. Tony smirked when he saw that someone, probably one of Peter’s Midtown friends, had drawn a spider building a web in the corner.
“Last stop, Underoos,” Tony said, softly breaking the silence. Peter mumbled a thanks as he went to open the door. He looked at Tony expectantly for a beat before walking into his bedroom.
“Goodnight, Tony,” came Peter’s voice from inside as the door closed behind him. Tony frowned. He sounded disappointed. He shrugged it off as lack of sleep.
“Night Pete,” he replied.
He stood still in front of Peter’s door. He wanted to go back to the lab to work on his newest idea for nanotech. He knew FRIDAY would be done with rendering the new models by now. Nonetheless, he signed before continuing down the hall to his own bedroom. That damn kid.
ii. in the kitchen
The kitchen was filled with the aroma of warm spices. Peter followed it like a cartoon character after a pie. He expected to find Pepper, or maybe even Rhodey, baking something to share with everyone. He wasn’t prepared to see Tony Stark wearing an apron with the Mark VII’s arc reactor printed on the chest while singing proudly along to the music playing through FRIDAY’s speakers. Peter could have sworn he saw that apron at a tourist shop somewhere downtown. He walked into Tony’s line of sight, causing him to stop singing and tell FRIDAY to turn the volume down, though he didn’t look at all embarrassed at being caught.
“Hey kid, have you ever had my famous molasses cookies? They’re an old Stark recipe. My mom taught me, her dad taught her, his dad... et cetera. It’s passed onto the firstborn. Top secret stuff.” He shot a silly wink across the room.
Peter shook his head, still shell-shocked from seeing Tony acting so… domestic.
“Well, today’s your lucky day. The first batch just came out.” Tony motioned to where a dozen cookies were sitting on a wire rack, and Peter eyed it hungrily.
“Thanks, Mr. Stark!” As Pete moved to the counter to grab one, Tony stepped in to block his way.
“What’s the magic word?” he asked playfully.
“Please?”
“Nope,” he said, popping the ‘p’ with a smirk, “for me, it’s Tony.”
Peter shook his head as he said, “Sorry. Thanks, Tony.” He was rewarded with a clear path to the cooling cookies. He walked over and grabbed one, nowhere near as excited as he was a few seconds earlier. Tony frowned.
“What’s up, Pete?”
“Nothing,” Tony fixed him with a hard stare, and Peter took a second before continuing, “it’s just that calling you Tony is weird for me.” He grabbed a few cookies and a napkin, and sat at the counter across from Tony, not eating them yet.
“Why would it be weird? It’s my name, right?” Peter nodded, so he continued, “Mr. Stark is what everyone called my dad, or what people trying to brown-nose called me. Neither of those options makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You’re better than them, kid.” A flash of guilt went over Peter’s face, but Tony convinced himself he imagined it.
“It’s just I already had the habit of calling you Mr. Stark, so it’ll take me a while to get used to it. No biggie,” he ended with taking a bite of a cookie, “Oh my God, these are insane! Why have you never made them before?”
Tony wasn’t entirely convinced but was willing to let it slide for now.
“Next time, I’ll teach you the recipe so you can make them yourself,” he said casually.
“Um, didn’t you say the recipe was for Starks only?” Peter looked up from his cookies to Tony, his eyes wide and innocent.
“Yeah well,” Tony scratched his eyebrow, searching for what to say, “just don’t tell TMZ and I’m sure we’ll be fine.”
Peter smiled softly to himself as he continued to eat. Tony failed to suppress his own warm smile as he started to scoop out the next batch. The unsaid message was heard loud and clear.
You’re family.
iii. at home
May and Peter were eating take-out at the table, May’s failed dinner residing somewhere in the dumpster outside. The clinks of their silverware and their warm conversation filled the apartment.
“So what are your plans for this weekend? Ned seemed excited about something last time I saw him,” May asked as she took another bite. Peter made sure to swallow his own mouthful of food before responding.
“He got a new Lego set, and I’m going to help him build it on Sunday. But Friday night I’m going to spend the night at Tony’s, he said he already cleared it with you, and then Saturday I’ll probably be patrolling and doing homework all day.” Peter looked at May to find her smiling at him. He gave her a confused look.
“It’s so funny to hear you call him Tony. Like he’s a high school friend or something.” Peter laughed along with her goodnaturedly.
“He said Mr. Stark makes him feel like his dad, so I’m getting used to saying Tony.”
“I can imagine. If you called me Mrs. Parker I think I’d have to kick you out.” May and Peter shared a playful smirk.
“Yeah well, that’s different. You’re my aunt, he’s Iron Man!” Peter still couldn’t hide his feeling of awe at personally knowing the Iron Man. May just smiled sweetly at him.
“And being your aunt is the closest to a superhero I ever want to be,” May said as she reached over and rubbed his cheek, “and speaking of Tony, you should invite him over for dinner sometime. I’m willing to let him try to win me over after seeing how much he matters to you.”
Peter blushed but nodded. May hummed in response, and they kept eating dinner.
iv. at the front desk
Peter swore under his breath. He’s supposed to be working on Dum-E and U’s little brother right now, but he has to get to the lab first. He was in the lobby of the tower (Tony decided not to sell it after the whole plane crash incident), and couldn’t think of how to get past the front desk. His suit was still being repaired in the lab, so he couldn’t just crawl up the side of the building. Happy didn’t drop him off today, so he couldn’t use his ID card, and his phone died on the cab ride over, so he couldn’t just text Mr. Stark-- Tony.
He’s gotten better with calling him Tony, but it still feels clunky and strange on his tongue. And now, he had the added guilt of making Tony think of his dad every time he messed up. They didn’t talk about it much, but Peter was good enough at understanding subtext to know he wasn’t a good person to be reminded of. He hated to see the hurt look on his face when he couldn’t say Tony with the same excitement as Mr. Stark. But how do you explain to someone that using their first name makes you think of your dead uncle?
Peter knew he’s had a lot of trauma in his life, especially regarding the death of family members-- specifically, parental figures.
He called Richard “Dad” because that’s what he was, and that’s all he thought mattered at that age. He taught him to tie his shoes, he was there when he was born, and he heard his first word. But then, he died. And Peter moved in with Aunt May and Uncle Ben.
He called Ben by his first name because Dad was already taken. It was a simple decision. They had a conversation one night where Peter said he saw Ben as a father in every way except for the title. Ben’s eyes had been misty as he gave him a hug goodnight that evening. Then Ben was also taken from him, and he was left to mourn with Aunt May.
Enter Tony Stark. Peter has known him since just a few months after he got bit by a spider and fell into the persona of a crime-fighting vigilante. In the short time he’d known him, Tony had already made a big impact on his life. An upgraded suit, access to a high-tech lab with the supplies to make anything he could ever want, and, of course, another sort of father figure. Tony isn’t as confident in his emotions as Ben, or as outwardly paternal as Richard, but their bond is already much stronger than a standard mentor-mentee relationship.
It’s depressing to even think about, but Peter is running out of ways to address the influential men in his life. Richard got the title, Ben got the first name, which leaves an awkward “Mr. Stark” leftover. It didn’t make sense, Peter knew that, but calling Mr. Stark by his first name just made him think of all the times he called Ben by his. But he’d gone through worse, and he could handle saying Tony, for his sake.
He shook his head a bit before finally walking up to the front desk. The best way out of the woods is through, after all. He smiled awkwardly at the woman behind the front desk, knowing he must have seemed very out of place.
“Can I help you?” she said, looking at his nerdy graphic tee and jeans dismissively over her glasses.
“Yes, thank you, I’m just here to see Tony.” Peter tried to give his best I’m a sweet kid, please help me smile.
“Tony…?”
“Sorry, Tony Stark. I’m supposed to be in the lab with him right now, but I was running late so I had to take a cab, and my phone died so I can’t text him,” he started to trail off, looking for any reaction in the receptionist.
“Cute,” she said, her bored expression not changing, “but Mr. Stark is very busy right now. You can check the website for when he does meet and greets. If you have any fan mail, you can leave it with me and I’ll send it to his office.”
“No I’m--” Peter cut himself off by running a hand through his hair, “I’m not a fan, I’m serious, can you just tell him Peter’s in the lobby?”
“Listen kid,” and wow did it sound much icier than when Tony said it, “you seem really sweet, but do you really expect me to believe that not only does a middle schooler get to spend one-on-one time with the owner of SI in his personal labs, but he’s on a first name basis with him, too?”
“I’m in high school,” Peter said, but his confidence had already wilted. He wished that he and Tony had actually set up his internship documents instead of continuously putting it off, so he could just scan an ID and walk in.
“Sure. Do you have any other stories, or do I need to call security?”
Peter murmured to himself as he started to turn away, stopping when he saw the receptionist’s face finally change from bored to shocked. Not a second later, he felt a steady hand clap his shoulder. He instinctively looked behind him, only to see Tony, sporting a pair of sunglasses and a suit.
“That won’t be necessary, Miss…” Tony checked the nametag of the receptionist before continuing to speak, “Debbie. Peter here just got a little lost. He’s a high school intern, who I still need to issue an ID to.”
“I’m so sorry Mr. Stark--” Tony cut her off with a raised hand.
“No need to apologize, I’m glad you’re doing your job well. We’ll be going now.”
Tony led Peter to the elevators, leaving the shocked receptionist blinking to herself. Peter waited until the doors slid shut behind them before he spoke.
“Sorry Tony, I left my suit in the lab, and then my phone ran out of battery on the way here--” Tony cut him off by ruffling his hair as he took his sunglasses off.
“What’s with people and apologizing to me today? FRIDAY let me know when you walked in, I just had to finish some boring meeting before coming down.”
“Oh. Okay, cool.” Peter bounced on his heels awkwardly as the elevator slowed to a stop.
“And,” Tony smirked down at Peter and tapped the sunglasses in his hand when he looked up, “I heard and saw everything through FRIDAY. So if you do have any fan mail, please make sure it gets to my office.”
Peter groaned. He would never live that down.
v. on a rooftop
Peter swung to the top of a nearby building and sat with his back leaning against the roof entrance, letting out a huge sigh as he finally got to relax. He slid his mask off and closed his eyes to work through the withdrawal of adrenaline as he waited for Tony’s inevitable lecture. Thankfully (or not), he didn’t have to wait too long. It was only a matter of minutes before he heard the Iron Man suit touch down next to him. He heard the faceplate lifting before Tony’s voice cut through the silence.
“Are you hurt, Pete?” Peter was too tired to try to analyze his mood through his voice. He just shook his head from side to side.
“FRI, do a scan for me.” He couldn’t hear FRIDAY’s response from where he was sitting, but it must have proved he was okay because Tony just huffed and walked to his side.
“Sorry,” Peter muttered.
“Kid, you can’t just apologize and keep doing the same thing over and over. I told you to not meddle with this… goblin guy. If you’re really sorry you wouldn’t keep going against my direct orders.”
Peter just muttered under his breath as he turned to face away from Tony.
“Hey, we’re having a conversation here, look at me,” he ordered.
“Are we?” Peter swung his head back to face Tony, feeling some of his exhaustion fall away at the prospect of an argument, “because it seems pretty one-sided to me.”
“No, you don’t get to do that,” Tony pointed his finger accusingly, “you could have been hurt, you could have died today Peter, are you willing to face that? What would have happened if I hadn’t shown up?”
“I would have been fine,” Peter said, stumbling as he stood up. Despite himself, Tony automatically started to move to help steady him before he was waved off, “I can handle myself.”
“I wish I believed that.”
“I wish you did, too.”
Tony broke eye contact first, stepping back and rubbing his face as he sighed.
“Kid, you remind me too much of myself, which just makes me end up feeling like my dad. You have to listen to me when I tell you to do something. I do, in fact, have a reason behind what I say to you. If you died out there, I’d--”
“You’d what,” Peter interrupted, his temper rising, “you’d feel sad? You’d be guilty? You know what’d I feel if I died? Nothing. At all. So stop trying to guilt-trip me--”
“Guilt-trip? That’s not what’s happening here. Jesus kid, I’m just trying to say that you have people who care about you, and you need to take care of yourself.”
“Yeah well people caring about me won’t stop me from doing the right thing. He would have killed plenty of innocent civilians who also had people that cared about them if I hadn’t stopped him.”
“Listen, I know you think you know what’s best for you and what’s best for the world, but you’re 16, you have no clue what the world can do to a person.”
“I have no clue what the world can do to a person?” Peter was definitely angry now. His filter completely gone, he continued, “My parents died when I was six. I was there to see my uncle die. Aunt May and I were barely living paycheck to paycheck before I met you. My first girlfriend’s dad tried to kill me. Next time try taking the silver spoon out of your mouth before you try to talk to me about knowing what the world can do to a person, Tony.”
The name shot out like a bullet covered in ice. Peter’s shoulders were still shaking with his heavy, angry breaths. He looked up to see Tony’s face passively blank, the same way it looked when Peter asked about his black eye on the way back from Germany. He instantly felt a wave of guilt.
“Look, I’m sorry--” Tony silently raised a hand, cutting him off.
“I know you’ve gone through a lot, Peter. I’m willing to ignore that outburst. I also know that you feel like you need to save the whole world, but you can’t. No matter how good of a hero you are, there’s always going to be people you can’t save.”
Peter looked to his feet as Tony let his final statement float in the air for a beat.
“That’s why I put you on the bench sometimes. You have to let the people who have already lost fight the battles where they’re going to lose more. You’re still young, and you have to let us protect you. Me, your aunt, Rhodey, even Happy. We all want the best for you, kid. You’re going to be the best of us. We want to make sure you stay safe for long enough so we have someone to pass the torch to.” A beat passed before Peter nodded and put his mask back on.
“I think I’m just gonna go back home now.”
“I can handle that,” Tony said cooly. Peter walked to the edge of the roof, about to jump off, when he looked back over his shoulder.
“Tony?” he heard the clink of the faceplate moving back into place before he saw Tony turn around. They looked at each other across the roof for a beat, through the safety of their masks, before Peter continued.
“Thank you.”
vi. in the lab (again)
It was just an average weekend. That is to say, an average weekend for someone who was bitten by a radioactive spider and then taken under the wing of the local billionaire/superhero. Peter and Tony were tinkering in the lab together on Peter’s Mark III suit. The sun was just starting to dip under the horizon, momentarily painting the whole room pink.
“I don’t know if I want the instant-kill mode anymore,” Peter said hesitantly. He looked over to see Tony’s hard stare focused on FRIDAY’s hologram of the suit between them.
“Non-negotiable. You don’t have to use it, but I’ll sleep better knowing you have it.” Peter looked away, suddenly wanting to change the subject.
“What about the web-shooters? Do you still think I need all 576 combinations?” His attempt to lighten the mood worked and Tony looked over at him with a smirk.
“Have you tried all of them yet?”
“Well,” Peter looked to the side as he tried to remember, “I think I’ve used at least 6 different ones.”
“We can keep them until you’ve tried them all, then.” Peter coughed something that sounds suspiciously like “helicopter mom” and Tony jokingly tapped his fist against his shoulder.
“You still like the red and blue?” Tony asked, “I tried adding different colors in different marks of the Iron Man suits, it keeps things fresh.” Peter screwed his face up in concentration, or maybe in disgust at remembering the Mark XXVII’s color scheme.
“I want people to be able to recognize me still. So let’s stick with the same general design.” Tony nodded his head as he typed something into the projected keyboard in front of him and the phrase “similar design” showed up on a growing list of points next to the suit’s hologram.
“How’s your… stickiness working? Is the suit getting in the way?” Peter sighed in frustration.
“I wish I knew how it worked so we could figure out how to help it, but the suit doesn’t bother it. As long as I don’t think about it too hard I can stick to anything.”
“Next week let’s experiment with the ‘anything’ part,” Tony said as he pushed away from the desk they were sharing. He tapped Peter’s shoulder as he walked behind him, “Be right back, coffee break.”
Peter nodded, his focus on the suit. His brain was going a mile a minute trying to figure out what to improve. He remembered that his phone’s touchscreen couldn’t register his fingers in the suit, and they could easily put conductive material in the gloves to solve it. He turned around to get Tony’s attention.
“Hey, Ben--” and he instantly closed his mouth.
Time froze. Tony turned at the noise, and they both stared at each other like two deer in headlights. The amicable silence in the lab turned oppressive. Peter could pinpoint the exact moment when Tony remembered that Ben was the name of his late uncle by how his eyes went from squinting in confusion to wide in shock. They were both somehow blushing and pale as a sheet at the same time, seemingly stuck in that position for hours. Peter tried to think of the best excuse to leave the lab as soon as he could.
“I forgot something in my bedroom,” Peter said, starting time back up again. He quickly skittered to the lab door.
“Wait,” he felt himself stop at Tony’s words, even though he wanted nothing more than to escape this situation, “as much as we both would much rather ignore what just happened, let’s… talk about this.” At least Peter wasn’t alone in his agony. He slowly turned around to face the awkward conversation head-on. They both stood in silence before Peter finally spoke.
“I’m sorry Mr. Stark, it’s just--”
“I’m going to stop you right there,” Tony said, setting his coffee mug down on the counter, “you don’t need to apologize. I’m telling you right now that I’m not offended or upset with you at all about this. I just think we should talk about why it happened.” Peter sighed and ran a hand nervously through his hair as Tony looked anywhere but his face.
“Well… you know how my parents and uncle are dead?” Peter looked over to see Tony’s eyes snap to his as a mix of confusion, sadness, and sympathy. He chuckled a little at the sight before continuing, “sorry, that was a little harsh. But they are. Dead, that is.”
Tony’s face didn’t improve. Peter had to psych himself up a little bit more and took another breath to compose his thoughts.
“Wow, I am just saying… words. But, um, yeah. I called my dad ‘Dad’ because he was my dad. Obviously,” Jesus Parker, get it together, “and then Ben was like a dad to me in so many ways, but I called him by his first name because ‘Dad’ was already taken, you know?” Realization was starting to dawn on Tony’s face.
“Kid…” Peter waved him off and continued, looking pointedly at the ground, trying to ignore the shameful pricks in the corners of his eyes.
“And then you came in, and you do so many things that remind me of them, Mr. Stark,” Peter paused, tears starting to pool up in his eyelids. He forced himself to look at Tony, “so many things. And I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, I just latch onto people in my life, and I don’t let them go. Even for a moment. And I’m projecting this idea of all the expectations of people I’ve lost in my past onto you, and that’s not healthy for me because I’ll just be disappointed when it turns out you--”
Peter’s emotions were coming out of him like air rushing out of a balloon. It’s like calling Tony by his uncle’s name took the cork off a bottle that was now pouring all of its contents down the sink. He couldn’t stop talking now, even if he wanted to. He tried to hide his shaky breaths with a sigh, and Tony looked at him sadly, knowing to let him finish before speaking.
“And I just-- hm. I called Ben by his first name because I couldn’t call him dad. And I called you Ben because I’m just--” he cut himself off as his voice filled with more emotion, and started to pace anxiously around the lab, “--I see you as a father figure, okay? Ben was my father figure for over half my life and calling you by your first name when I already see you in the same light just made my wires get crossed. It’s not the end of the world or anything. It shouldn’t have to be this big secret. I’m an orphan one and a half times over, and you’re-- You’re a superhero, my honest-to-God childhood hero, and you take care of me in so many ways. You make me do my homework, you yell at me when I get myself hurt, we watch movies together, you ruffle my hair and call me kid, am I supposed to just treat you the same as any other adult in my life?
“I know that’s a lot of pressure for you, and I know that we’re both shitty with talking about our feelings but this has just been festering inside of me, and every time I call you Tony I just think of Ben, and I--” a sob, this time not hidden at all as he sat down on a nearby bench, “--I miss him so much, Mr. Stark. Every day. I’m never going to get over that. And I called him by his first name. So I can’t call you by your first name, and I’m never going to call you Dad, and I’m sorry. I just-- They’re taken. And now calling someone by their last name will just make me think of you and I’m just so screwed up that I can’t--”
Peter sobbed again, dropping his head into his hands. He kept starting meaningless syllables and cutting himself off with heavy, ragged breaths. Tony quickly went over and sat next to him. He cautiously placed a hand on his back, trying to move it in circles like he remembered Rhodey doing to him when he found out his parents passed away. Peter’s breath slowly became more even as he gathered himself. Tony decided this would be a good time to say his piece.
“Okay, first of all, I want to make sure you are absolutely certain that I am not going anywhere. You’re going to have to put up with me for a very long time.” Peter smiled softly through his tear-stained face at that, which Tony counted as a win as he continued.
“Kid, I know I don’t say it a lot but I do care about you,” Tony hoped he didn’t notice the waver in his paper-thin voice, “I do love you, Peter. In a very paternal way. Don’t ever be ashamed of seeing me as a father figure, because I suppose I see you as a… son figure.” Tony took a second to rub his eyes and steady his breath. He looked over to see Peter’s face red and puffy, but full of adoration, and warmth, and just pure love. Tony swore he felt ten years get added to his lifespan instantly. He wanted to take a picture and tie it to the end of his suit as he flew above the city, showing off to the whole world what love looks like.
“But you have to let me know when you’re hurting, Pete,” he continued, making sure Peter was looking at him still, “you have to. Especially if I’m the cause of it. I don’t care if I’m about to accept the Nobel Peace Prize and the last time we talked was an argument where you said you hated me. If you need help, I will be there in the blink of an eye. You just have to tell me. Tell me what is going wrong so I can fix it. It’s what I do.
“And as for what you call me, Mr. Stark is perfect. I thought I-- well. It used to remind me of my father, but now it’ll just remind me of you.” He finished his small speech with a smile directed at Peter, his eyes wet but sparkling with love as he looked at his kid.
They sat like that for a few minutes. Just basking in the warmth of their shared love as the pink light of the sunset faded and FRIDAY turned on the overhead lighting. Tony eventually decided to break the silence.
“All those emotions certainly tired me out,” Tony joked, getting a grin from Peter in return, “You ready for bed, Pete?”
“I’m ready to lay in my bed on my phone for a few hours before actually falling asleep if that’s what you mean.” Tony rolled his eyes and chuckled.
“Okay whippersnapper, I’ll never understand your generation.”
Tony opened the lab door and led them both out into the hallway. They walked to the bedroom wing without saying anything, the comfortable silence they had in the lab still covering them like a warm blanket. They stopped outside Peter’s bedroom as usual.
“Don’t let the bedbugs bite, Underoos,” Tony said as he turned to go to his bedroom.
“I love you, Mr. Stark,” Peter blurted out, causing Tony to turn around, “I didn’t say it earlier. But I do.”
Peter was biting his lip nervously as Tony felt his heart beat a little quicker. He smiled warmly at Peter, more genuine than he had smiled in a long time.
“Oh, come on over here, kid. I think we’re there.”
Tony opened his arms and Peter practically ran into him.
“Watch the spider-strength,” He grunted as Peter laughed and tucked his face into Tony’s chest. His nose was just barely brushing against the metal border of his arc reactor. The blue light made Peter’s hair look like a painting.
Standing there, with Peter’s arms wrapped around him, Tony knew that he would do anything in his power to make sure he stayed safe and happy. He felt a fierce fire deep in his chest that almost dared the world to send something at him, just to let him have something to prove his strength to. He felt like he could take down an entire army. Like he could climb to the top of Mount Everest without even breaking a sweat.
But instead, he just wrapped his arms around Peter and took a deep breath, committing this feeling to memory.
“I love you too, kid.”
Tag List: @ironfamjam
#wooo im real proud of this boy#feel free to yell at me about it!#irondad#spiderman#spider man#iron man#irondad and spiderson#tony stark#mcu#peter parker#tony stark has a heart#art writes
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Attempt #14: Tell it to them straight pt.2
<< the thirteenth attempt
wc: 3.8k
You don’t know how you made it all the way to Jeju without directly interacting with Jaehyun. The girls were sympathetic when you lied about having a fight with Jaehyun to explain why you left school early. They kept you busy, making sure you steered clear of Jaehyun until you were ready to talk to him.
On the first day of activities, you were thankful that Joohyun switched you out of your original group at the last minute after finding out you and Jaehyun had fought. But even though you were on opposite teams, you would catch him looking at you. When your teams were going against each other, he’d let you win — which was a complete surprise to you. He’s always been known to be competitive and quite aggressive about it. It was something his team rejoiced, but ended up disappointed when he lost against your team. He was teammates with Yebin, which he was probably irked by already because they didn’t get along well from the get-go, and every time he “messed” up, she would be breathing down his neck.
You’re convinced they’re only putting up with each other because of you.
During meal breaks, your friend group still sat together; but you sat on opposite ends with him on the same side so neither of you could see each other. You’ve never been so thankful that your friend group had grown so much that there was never silence at the table. Jangmi kept you company, finding out that you two shared the same love for photography.
“Did you bring a camera? We should do a photowalk on the free day!” She suggests, catching Minkyung’s attention.
“Photowalk? Do you need a model?” She jokes, “Oh! We should go to the beach!”
Miyoung gasps, “I heard from the others that there’s a carnival! We should go there, too!”
The next day, the final games the council prepared take place. Your team had lost by the second game and by then, it seemed to spark back the same ruthless competitive Jaehyun that won them first place.
Their victory and the end of the games were celebrated through a massive bonfire later in the evening. Some students had spiked the refreshments just for a little kick as people drank, and the council prepared a multitude of snacks for everyone to share. You and Jangmi helped distribute the roasting sticks for the marshmallows.
Taeyong came over, already had his selection of snacks on a paper plate. You pretended to grab something from the table behind you, forcing her to hand him a skewer. When he leaves and you return back beside her, she hisses through a forced smile while still handing out the sticks to other students, “Really, [Y/N]?”
You simpered at her, “I couldn’t help it.”
Jangmi sneers, “Well, an eye for an eye.”
She hands you all the roasting sticks she had all of a sudden and announces she’ll get the remaining box of skewers. You were confused for a second until someone asks for a stick and you turn to face Jaehyun.
“Uh,” You droned out, balancing the skewers onto one arm while handing one to him. “Here.”
“Thanks.” He stands there, awkwardly fiddling with the stick you had handed to him. “[Y/N], I—”
“Hey, Jaehyun.” Jangmi pops back up beside you, much to your appreciation. “Glad you’re here. I, uh, need your… help.”
“With what?”
She gestures towards the back area, “Can you help me carry the box of roasting sticks?”
He looks between the two of you before relenting to her request, giving her the stick you handed before walking to where she directed.
“Thank you.” You whispered once Jaehyun was out of earshot.
“Hey, I’ll hand out the rest of these. Go ask Joohyun if they need help with anything else or go hang with Minkyung and the others; I’ll be with you guys in a minute.”
Jangmi takes the roasting sticks from you and just as you start walking away, she stops you, “[Y/N], not to let the hopeless romantic in me get the better of me, but… you should try and talk things through with him tonight or tomorrow morning. We’ll be out having fun all day, it would be a shame if you two were still awkward by then. I only diverted him just now because you’re clearly still not ready.”
“I… okay.” Behind her, Jaehyun is making his way back with the box he was told to retrieve and you quickly go away to find your friends.
As you left, Jaehyun stalks up behind Jangmi and puts the box down, “What are you doing?”
She gasps, almost dropping the skewers. She pointedly glares up at him, “You said you’d give her time to think things through. She’s clearly not ready yet.”
“So you and the other girls are just going to keep shielding me away from her? I can see what you guys are doing. I’m not blind.”
“Oh, so you finally noticed that but not when she was obviously in love with you for weeks before you found out?”
Jaehyun makes an indignant sound, “Why are you attacking me? Where is this coming from?”
“Because now I know how she feels; I’ve been — still — in her shoes; still hopelessly in love and you know,” She growls, “that I empathize with that.”
While the bonfire party was in full swing with one group loudly singing random songs, somehow the rest of the senior populace have segregated themselves by gender. You’re feeling a little lightheaded, but oddly elated — probably from the spiked cola.
“What did they put in the drinks?” You asked Yebin, a self-proclaimed alcohol connoisseur.
“Rum in the cola, soju in the cider… I think tequila in the juices.” She slurs, “God, we still have more to drink back in the room.”
Minkyung whines, “Save that for tomorrow! It’ll be a great way to unwind after the free day.”
The boys on the other side of the bonfire all exclaim as if someone made the best comeback at a retort. Jangmi rolls her eyes, “They’re always so rowdy.”
Miyoung raises her glass to that, “It’s annoying!”
“I wonder what they’re going on about.” Yebin mumbles into her cup.
The boys grew noisier and almost frantic; from the cacophony of voices, you were able to discern common words they were screaming.
“Jaehyun, stop!”
You don’t know you went from sitting at one of picnic blankets laid out to pushing away the people crowding the scene in a blink of an eye, but whatever you uncovered freezes you on the spot until Jangmi’s concerned voice rings beside you.
“Taeyong!”
You snap out of it when Jaehyun’s fist connects with Taeyong and sends him stumbling backwards. Jangmi moves faster than you, running up to Jaehyun and pushing him away. “What the hell?!”
She immediately turns around to tend to Taeyong. Jaehyun huffs, but once his eyes move to you; he looks guilty and remorseful for what he’s done.
He walks away, parting the people that crowded behind him, and before you could lose sight of him, you pursue after him.
“Jaehyun!” You scold, trying to catch up to him as he takes long strides across the park.
“Not now, [Y/N].”
“What was that back there? What is wrong with you?”
“Do you really want to know?” He spins on his heels, taking one step forward towards you.
You almost bump into him, skidding to a stop. He looked so frustrated, nostrils flaring and breathing shallow. “Jae, what’s wrong?”
“[Y/N].” Jaehyun closes his eyes and breathes in deeply, before staring into your eyes. “Do you remember how I promised I would tell you when I’m in love?”
You feel your heart drop, your throat feels raw for some reason. “Y-Yeah… w-why? How… is that related to Taeyong?”
He looked… scared, almost nervous. “Well, there’s this girl and she’s…”
But Jangmi said he didn’t like her that way; not unless he didn’t at first and he ended up falling for her. You don’t want to look at him; you always thought you’d be prepared for this moment, but you can already hear your heart shattering.
“She’s beautiful,” Jaehyun sighs, the corner of his lips quirking as his gaze softened, “She’s kind and amazing. She’s funny; always so snarky - but in a good way, no one in school even dislikes her.”
You don’t know what to say to him; afraid you’d let out a sob if you open your mouth so you let him continue. Jangmi had told him about Taeyong; how he rejected her and how she still pines for him. That day back in the greenhouse, she must have explained why she was crying.
“She’s incredibly bright and talented.” He licks his lips and for the first time ever, you see tears welling up in his eyes, “I… I love everything about her; her eyes, her lips, the way she smiles, all her little habits, and even her flaws.”
It’s starting to hurt now: how he’s lost all his nervousness and is getting excited and more confident about telling you, how he’s using the word ‘love’ so easily. With every reason he states, the tighter your chest feels and you could feel your resolve in keeping a straight face waning.
“She’s… she means the world to me.”
“D-does she make you happy?” Your voice fails you as the question comes out in shaky, muted whispers.
Jaehyun smiles, “She does.”
Your eyes start to prick and your vision started to blur, forcing you to look down at your feet. You really don’t know what to say and you really don’t want to ask him even though you already knew the answer, but you remind yourself that you’re his best friend and him telling you all this means a lot to him. “So who is it?”
You’re holding your breath in; maybe the impact of his confession would cushion it. Internally, you’re promising that you won’t hold any grudges against Jangmi. You already know her side of the story.
“She’s…” His voice trails off and he doesn’t continue until you peer up at him to question his silence. When your eyes lock, you realize he’s crying with tears gliding down his reddened cheeks. There’s a smile on his face, bringing out the infamous dimples, “My best friend.”
Your hand flies to cover your mouth as you gasp, staring at him with a bewildered expression.
“I’ve been trying to tell you since your birthday but it either comes out wrong, you misinterpret it, or I get interrupted, and I’m so frustrated! I tried giving you hints after hints, but none of them worked. I just…” He gulps, “I’m in love with you, [Y/N].”
“I… Are you…” You can feel yourself crying now, “You must be joking.”
“I’m not.”
“B-but… Jangmi.”
“I told you; we’re only friends, [Y/N]. She’s in love with someone else. She’s not even my type.” He sucks his lips in and lets out a little chuckle, “She’s not you.”
You could hear your own heartbeat in your ears, “Since when?”
He reaches up to wipe your tears with his thumbs with visible hesitation. When he rests his palms on your cheeks, you could feel his fingers tremble. “I’ve been in love with you before I even knew what love was.”
You cover his hands with your own, replaying everything he said in your head. You think this is all a dream; you’re probably at home and asleep. When you wake up, everything will be back to normal - although a part of you wish that if this was a dream, you wouldn’t want to wake up at all.
“Please say something.” Jaehyun murmurs.
“I… I’ve been denying the fact that I’m in love with you. I,” You pause to stop yourself from sobbing, “I didn’t want to risk it - our friendship… You mean everything to me, Jaehyun. I was so scared that I’d lose you if you didn’t feel the same way a-and even if you promised that it didn’t affect our relationship… you know, nothing’s going to be the same after.”
An anguished cry leaves you as the nightmares came back to you; all the painful possibilities you thought about late at night digging up the ache you worked so hard to cover up. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you tight against his warm body like he always does but you have to admit that even this felt different now.
“I was scared, too.” He admits, “But I’m more scared about losing you to someone else.”
You pull away, “Is that why you punched Taeyong?”
Jaehyun exhales, heavily, “Some of the guys were talking about the girls and someone made a comment about Jangmi that Taeyong didn’t like. I just found it weird how he suddenly cared about her when all he did was hurt her… and I said that to him. And he said that’s what I did to you… and I snapped, I guess.”
He’s stopped crying already, but his eyes were still glistening. “Did I… ever hurt you like that?”
“The only reason why it hurt was because I misunderstood everything… I really believed that you liked Jangmi and before she told me last Friday that she liked Taeyong, I thought you two were already dating behind everyone’s backs.”
“What? No, I only hung out with her to help her brother or to… talk about you.” He feebly admits, “Wait, last Friday…?”
You nodded, “She came over to explain everything. I guess it helped that before that, Taeyong already told me that it was his fault she was crying.”
Jaehyun snarls at that, “What’s his problem?”
“He likes her, too, but because of their past, he thinks he doesn’t deserve her. I hope they can work things out.”
“I hope so, too.” He licks his lips, “I should go apologize to him.”
When he steps back, you realize that there was practically no space in between you as you conversed and now you shivered at the evening wind. He starts to lead you back to the vicinity of the bonfire, but you grab his hand and pulled him back.
“Wait,” You whispered; he faces you again and you tug him closer to you. Hopefully you’d get used to being so close to him like this, but somehow the butterflies in your stomach didn’t feel so bad anymore. “I love you, too.”
It takes a second for him to respond, breaking into a contagious wide grin. He draws you by your waist and before his lips touched yours, he teasingly warns you, “You better not pull away all of a sudden.”
“I won’t.” You sling your arms over his shoulders, “I promise.”
This kiss was a lot better than the first one; it was nicely paced and chaste. For a good minute, you kept your fingers running through his hair as you kissed while his tenderly massaged the small of your back. Both of you pulled away, a shy smile on your faces, before going back to the bonfire while holding hands.
Everything seems to have cooled down back the bonfire, some students were already heading back to their rooms. Jangmi and Taeyong were nowhere to be seen. The first people to approach you was Joohyun and a very stressed out Doyoung.
“The teachers want to talk to y—” Doyoung starts, but Joohyun grabs his arm and gasps.
She’s staring at your hands and then looked between the two of you, “Are you… oh my god!!”
“Holy shit!” Yebin screams from the other side of the bonfire, tipsy but not drunk enough to miss you and Jaehyun holding hands. “Are you two finally fucking together?”
Her outburst definitely attracted the attention of everyone left, which was probably still more than half of the senior population. Everyone erupts into applause and cheers, congratulating the two of you. You can feel your face heat up and you almost want to retract your hand, instead you held him tighter.
“I swear, I’m only friends with her because of you.” Jaehyun mutters under his breath and you hit his shoulder. His ears looks like it could bleed from how red they were, even under the glow of the orange fire.
Congratulations were cut short when one of the teachers appeared to scold Jaehyun, asking him to come with him to the teacher’s quarters for an explanation regarding the whole scuffle with Taeyong.
You slipped out of the bonfire as well, wanting to check up on Taeyong, also hoping to avoid everyone else. The clinic of the retreat house was towards the back end of the building so you ventured towards the back entrance instead of the front. Turning the corner of the building, you gasped and practically tumbled over at what you witnessed.
Taeyong and Jangmi both pull away from each other, faces beet red at your sudden presence.
“I… sorry?” You feel yourself blush as well, trying to hide your amusement behind your hand as you raise it up to your lips.
“I guess I deserve it for what happened last Friday.” Jangmi dismisses your apology.
“Are you gonna run away? I can distract him for you.” You joked and Jangmi laughs, but Taeyong pouts and holds her by her shoulders.
“I don’t think so.”
Jangmi leans into him, “Thanks for the offer, but I’m good.”
You grin at them, a little too widely that your cheeks almost hurt. You’re genuinely glad that they were able to talk as well.
“Wait,” Jangmi pushes herself away from Taeyong and rushes towards you, “Where’s Jaehyun? What happened?”
You bit on your bottom lip and half heartedly shrugging your shoulders “We talked.”
She frowns at you, “You don’t look happy. Why? How did he fuck up this time?”
“No, it’s not that I’m not happy.” You correct her, “It’s just that, I guess, my best friend is now… my boyfriend.”
Jangmi’s face splits into a wide beam before she throws her arms around you, “Oh my god! [Y/N]!”
“I feel so stupid for being so scared.”
“I hate to say I told you so.” Taeyong pipes up from behind Jangmi and she scoffs.
She looks back at him, “You’ve been telling her? I’ve been telling Jaehyun!”
“You have horrible advisers.” He steps a little closer and you see the bruise Jaehyun left on his face, just a little to the side beneath his eye.
“Does that hurt? He wanted to apologize but Mr. Ahn took him to their room to talk to him in private.”
He touches his bruise, but doesn’t react to it. “It doesn’t hurt that much. I should go over to them and have this settled.”
After he leaves, you suggest to head back to the room and get ready for bed since you had a busy schedule for the free day tomorrow. The rest of the girls were already passed out on their beds with Sora claiming yours when she and Jangmi were supposed to share the queen-sized bed.
“Let’s just share the bed,” Jangmi offers, “And you can tell me what happened! What did he say?”
“Okay, and then you’d tell me how I ended up finding you and Taeyong kissing.”
She stifles her laughter, not wanting to wake up the others.
You spent almost hours talking; from what went down between you and your now-boyfriends, to plans for tomorrow, and even as far as talking about college. You don’t even know who fell asleep first or what you last talked about, but you woke up to all 8 alarms of everyone’s phones ringing at 8AM.
After an hour of getting ready, making sure you’ve packed the camera Jaehyun got you for your birthday, you and the girls met the guys downstairs for breakfast before setting out for the beach. It was a 15 minute walk, but no one complained. You and Jangmi took photos of everyone and the scenery.
Jaehyun holds you back as the group crossed the bridge and you think something’s wrong, but he just stares at you, fondly.
“Is something wrong?”
“I just wanted to tell you,” He licks his lips, “I love you.”
You can't stop yourself from grinning, but you roll your eyes before snapping a photo of him and quickly spinning around to catch up with the others, laughing when he whines for you to say it back.
Time flew quickly when you arrive at the beach; all of you wished you could stay forever, but at least it’s treasured in your memories — even better that you and Jangmi took plenty of photos and videos.
Before heading back to the retreat to pack up for the flight back home tomorrow morning, everyone sits on the sand even after they’ve washed off the salty sea water off their bodies to watch the sunset. As the waves continued to thrash against the shore and the sky painted everything in shades of yellow and orange, no one talks to savor the moment. This could be the only time everyone could be together like this; spending the last days of high school before separating for college.
Doyoung and Joohyun regretfully tell everyone that they had to go because of their curfew. Yebin reminds them to sneak into the girls’ room for the rest of the drinks, although she wishes they had it here instead. As everyone dusted themselves and started trudging back to the route you have taken, you took one last glance at the setting sun.
You were reluctant to go on this trip, especially since it started out with you avoiding Jaehyun.
“[Y/N]? Let’s go.” He calls out to you, ambling towards him.
His eyes looked even warmer in the rays of the sunset, gazing into yours that made your knees weak.
Now you’re glad you still came; you’re thankful for Jangmi for coming over last Friday because it was her words that put your mind at ease, and even though he got hurt, you’re thankful for Taeyong because if he hadn’t pushed Jaehyun, who knows when you and Jaehyun would actually talk about what happened.
You step closer to Jaehyun and pull him into a kiss, which he doesn’t mind of course, pulling away when your friends started loudly teasing the two of you and you find Jangmi unabashedly pointing her camera towards you.
“Come on, lovebirds! You can still do that back home!” Yebin screeches, making everyone — including the two of you — laugh.
this is the fmv trailer i made for 14ways2 uwu
epilogue >>
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I Still Love You
Pairing : Taeyeon x idol!fem! Reader
Genre : Angst, Fluff
Words : 1,8k
Requested
A/N : This broke my heart and gave it right back with a patch. Hope you like this and have a good day/night.
Don't copy or use this in any way without my permission. This is my work. Thank you ~
‘‘ Why don’t you believe me? Am I so much of a little importance that you don't even believe me anymore?" You said to Taeyeon, who didn’t believe you a word you said before. This argument was stupid and the fact she trusted stupid lies and rumours more than you made you mad.
‘‘ It’s all over the news! How can I not believe that you’re cheating me?’‘ Taeyeon spat at you. Those words hurt you. Didn’t she know that you loved her more than anything? You wanted to say something, anything. But you choked up and tears started streaming down your face.
‘‘ God, I hate this. If you even won’t listen to me and listen to liers instead, why won’t you break up with me then if you don’t trsut me?’‘ You cried out, while trying to keep a strong facade even through your tears. Taeyeon’s eyes widened. Was this what you wanted? Why should she care if you are the one cheated on her? She had no reason to be with you then. And before she could think it through more she said those words that ended your relationship forever.
‘‘ That’s a good idea! I hate you, we are done! I don’t want to see you ever again!’‘
Remembering this now she really felt guilty. It was almost a year since your break up. You didn't want to listen to her and accept her apologies. You were too hurt by what Taeyeon accused you of. And she understood that. She really did.
She missed you and your smile. How your eyes sparkled whenever she told you that she loved you. How hearing your voice made her heart jump and her stomach fill with butterflies. Everything you did together came to her mind as a happy memory every day. And oh how sad it made her knowing she could never have those things again. Her heart sank more and more each day. The reality was too cruel without you by her side.
She still could see you at a lot of award shows, your smile shining brightly. You moved on but what about her? She watched you with sadness, because she realized her mistake too late. She hurt you.
You accepted the award with a big smile that faltered a little when you started thanking people who helped you. Taeyeon helped you too with your album. But you couldn't bring yourself to thank her, not risking getting choked up when you thought of what she said. You glanced her way and saw her sitting there with a sombre smile. Both of you feeling blue behind your facades.
Your new album was about love... and breakups. And it had a lot of lyrics that reminded Taeyeon of your breakup and relationship, things that were too pure and things that were too sad for her to listen to. She watched your showcase performance, fearing how she would feel when she listens to it.
" Our story was so innocent I never wanted to let go."
" But you believed I was a liar and let me go instead."
" Now instead of eyes shining with love we look at each other grimly."
" I miss you dearly but you will never be satisfied with the truth."
Taeyeon started crying. She knew what you meant and because she knew she cried even more. It would be such a weird sight in front of them, if they saw her crying while looking at the TV. A heartbreaking moment that made Taeyeon miss you even more. Miss what you've done together in the past.
Few weeks later almost as to give you an answer to your song, Taeyeon wrote her own song and performed it. The public was watching with slight suspicions to how the lyrics of her song seemed to be an answer to yours. And Taeyeon hoped, because the only thing she could do is hope. That you were listening intently to her songs to the lyrics.
And truly, you did. You were on your way to your dorm from another rehearsal when you got a notification on your mobile. The sound waking you up from your slumber. And the light coming from your phone slightly blinding you thanks to your sleepy state. Taeyeon is performing her new song. And by the articles on the internet it raised many and many suspicions about yours and hers songs.
You listened to her song, trying not to cry. The blinding lights of the street making it harder. And the lively atmosphere making it even harder not to cry. Why did it have to happen?
You never really got over Taeyeon, no matter how you tried to hide it. Your feelings, your love for her never left. And kept tormenting you. Whenever you saw her at an award show or at a TV show, you couldn't help but admire her beauty and start falling for her all over again... Even though you tried not to. If you were a more poetic being, you would say that your souls called for each other. Because she looked right back at you.
She looked so beautiful, her beauty tempting to you. And her eyes glistening, when she looked at you, with tears that she didn't want to shed. You were both miserable with time it stopped being so obvious. But your stares still lingered on the other one. Your love still the same even after a year.
" Is it true? That you are cheating on me?"
The argument running through your mind while listening to her song. Your tears flowing down your face and your body shaking with sobs that were held in for so long. You didn't realize before but you didn't cry after the argument. You kept it bottled up so no one would see.
But now you were crying your heart out, weeping and breaking down in public. In the crowd while everyone looked at you. You could almost see the headlines on the news tomorrow.
" I wish I never got together with you."
You scrambled to your feet and ran. Far away from those crowded streets and stares. No one knew, no one understood at the moment. The pain in your heart overbearing. You soon got breathless and you had to stop running to catch your breath.
Looking around you didn't know where you were but that didn't matter at the moment. The air was still and calming, nothing stopped you here. You were alone and you broke down like never before. You were completely alone.
" I hate you, we are done! I don’t want to see you ever again!"
What is happening? Why are you remembering it after all this time? You can't be hung up on the past, you knew that. So why couldn't you let her go? Did you still love her? That's impossible, she would never accept the truth. So there was no reason to hope for it, right?
After your break down you slowly walked to your dorm, wanting to hide in your bed and never leave your room. You wanted to end your promotions for your comeback and some reality show appearances. But you couldn't, like always.
Your job came first over your feelings. You wanted to call in sick so that you wouldn't meet Taeyeon coincidentally. You didn't want your emotions to let loose again like before. But at the end before you could even call you fell asleep.
The next morning you woke up with a headache and your manager waking you up saying that you're late. You got dressed as fast as you could and got on the car, that your manager drives. Soon enough you were in front of the building where you were supposed to promote your song.
Other idols will be there and will promote their new songs as well. That meant that Taeyeon was going to be there as well, you were excited to hear her sing live but also scared that you'll cry again.
You hurried backstage, your stylists already waiting for you to get you ready for your performance. When you were ready ypu went out of your appointed room to watch the stage from the backstage. Amidst all the people you could see Taeyeon getting ready.
She saw you too and her eyes widened. She quickly ran to you through all the staff members around. The first thing you felt was panic, you were scared by what she could say to you.
You turned around, ready to run away and not face her. But before you could she caught your wrist softly but firmly. She turned you around to face her. Her eyes were filled with sadness but also an emotion that you didn't think would be there, love.
" I know you don't want to talk to me but I want you to at least listen! I'm sorry for what happened, I was wrong and I hate myself for making you miserable. I still love you! And I understand it if you don't want to see me anymore."
She said quickly in one breath, her eyes never leaving yours and her voice laced with determination that you didn't see for a long time.
You were startled by her words, they surprised you. In all that shock and confusion you felt your started sobbing and hurriedly tried to wipe your tears off. But Taeyeon took your hands off your face and wiped your tears away with a tissue.
" Your makeup is ruined now, but you're still beautiful." She said witha lighthearted laugh that made you smile a little.
" How could you not believe me before? I loved you - I still do and it felt like someone broke my heart in two!" You said between sobs to her. You lightly hit Taeyeon on her chest and she smiled warmly and enveloped you in her arms.
" I'm sorry. Sorry for not doing this earlier, but when I heard your song it gave me courage. So I decided to write you one also so you could feel my sincere feelings." She said softly and you looked her in her brown eyes that seemed to shine with tears but also with happiness.
" You have to go on the stage Taeyeon, it'll start soon" A staff member came running to you two and apologized for ruining the moment.
Taeyeon smiled at you, hugged you before she went as a silent, untold I love you. Your tears stopped falling and you smiled at her as well. Accepting her apology, even after all that time.
" I have to go but cheer for me and listen to my song and the lyrics that I wrote for you." She waved at you with a lighthearted laugh before she went on the stage and greeted the fans.
" The word 'love'. That word that resembles you."
" My day remains the same."
" A maze filled with you."
After your performances you had a lot to talk about and a lot of laughs yet to share. And soon you another 'I love you' was uttered in the warm atmosphere.
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it’s always better when we’re together
summary: Rosa straight up cackles at that, “On second thought, you might just want to pull a Kylie Jenner, keep it a secret the whole time.”
Jake and Amy navigate telling the people closest to them about Baby Santiago-Peralta.
read on ao3
Their first task, after the kissing and crying and hugging, is going to the store to buy a big ol’ binder. It was Jake’s idea, he was eager to get to researching and preparing but he knew he wouldn’t get the right tabs because there are so many of them. His initiative makes Amy want to pounce him right there in the kitchen but a binder covering the next nine months of their lives is also very appealing.
So now 2 hours later, new binder and special tabs on the table, Amy starts with the contents list. Jake had been reading one of the books he bought when he told Amy he was ready to start trying but now he’s been staring at her for a few minutes now with a smile on plastered his face and his fingers grazing her abdomen.
“Hey, you know we’re going to need a whole section dedicated to figuring out how to tell Charles right?”
Amy snorts lightly at this very real observation, because there’s no way Charles will react in a calm manner. He fainted when they got engaged, so there’s no telling what dramatic reaction he’s going to have. “I’m not sure any amount of preparation will help us with Boyle.” Amy’s smile only grows when Jake takes her laptop to type his idea down, “I think we just need to… Um…”
“Yeah there’s no way we can approach this without him losing his mind!” Jake is laughing and shaking his head. “And everyone else too, this is a pretty big deal.”
“Yeah, we’re having a baby. A real life tiny human, weird right?” She just wants to take the moment in so she closes the laptop and pushes it to the side. He wraps his arms around her waist, hands falling again on her stomach. “I love you so much Jake.”
“I love you so much too.” Jake says, heart eyes ablaze, “And I am so ecstatic, and terrified but I know we’ve got this. We’re a team. Ultra parenting team of geniuses.”
They were really lucky to be where they were, having only been trying for four months. On date night months earlier, Jake had started to telling her how he’d been doing with his therapist. He revealed that in the past weeks they had been discussing his dad issues, but through that he felt ready to try for a baby if she was also ready.
Amy had instantly begun to draft her trying for baby and pregnancy binder out in her head, it had been bliss. There was some interesting attempts when she was ovulating, and weirdly it made their sex life more amazing. Neither thought that was possible.
After months of trying, finally on a Saturday morning, they got around to taking one of their spare pregnancy tests in the bathroom. Missed period, swollen breasts, nausea and almost fainting on duty. They were certain this was it.
Here they are now, on cloud nine of the knowledge of the life forming in her body. “Ames, seriously, you- I’m so happy we’re doing this. You’re gonna be such a great mom, and I never truly thought I could be a dad. But with you, I feel like I can do it all.”
Amy laughs affectionately as she wipes a tear from her face, “I’m so glad I can use pregnancy hormones as an excuse to cry for a while.”
～
It’s just over a month later when people start to get suspicious of Jake and Amy. She struggles to keep the morning sickness under wraps and her temper is a tad out of control at times. Jake checks up on her more than usual, sends her frequent texts. They aren’t so great at the secret keeping thing.
Rosa confronts them first in the break room. “You’re being weird. Why are you weird?”
Amy scoffs, “Weird?”
“Weird? Rosa you’re weird.” Jake adds, chuckling nervously but they’re both such bad liars. His shoulders slump and he looks over at Amy.
“What’s happening?” Rosa sits at the table with them.
“Amy’s pregnant.” Jake admits bashfully, and she’s watching as Rosa’s mouth twitches into a smile.
“That’s dope. Congrats.” Her eyes scan over the both of them, “The weirdness makes a lot of sense.”
“Thanks Rosa.” Amy beams, “You’re going to be such a cool aunt.”
“Tia Rosa. The coolest. And you guys are gonna such great parents.”
“I would ask for a hug but that would be more suspicious.” Jake mumbles quickly, “We need to up our game.”
“Maybe we should just start telling people…” Amy shrugs, “There’s only two weeks until we’re out of the first trimester.”
“Yeah and maybe letting Boyle have his official meltdown over it will help us relax.”
Rosa straight up cackles at that, “On second thought, you might just want to pull a Kylie Jenner, keep it a secret the whole time.”
“Yeah I thought about that but I don’t think it’s possible.” Amy sighs.
“We just gotta rip off the bandaid.” Jake says, “Then once he’s done his freaking out, then we’ll have a nice stern talk about personal space.”
“Good luck mommy and daddy!” Rosa says in a cutesy voice, “That’s just a taste of what you’re in for.”
～
They invite Charles over for dinner a few nights later, and both Jake and Amy were hyped up as if they’re about to tell their parents. He has of course offered to bring dinner, and Amy is hoping there isn’t anything too weird in it because she’d rather not feel nauseous for this. Jake has a copy of their last ultrasound in his pocket, ready to give to Charles.
Minutes before he’s due to arrive, Jake finds Amy in their bathroom brushing her teeth and he can tell that nerves are getting to her. “You feeling okay?” Jake wraps his arm around her, his chin resting on her shoulder.
“Yeah, this is exciting.” Amy says after rinsing her mouth, “It’s a long weekend in front of us. Boyle, then Holt tomorrow night -”
“Wait what?” Jake’s eyes pop out of his head. For him, telling Holt is more exciting than his actual dad, a person he’d prefer not to tell.
“Didn’t I tell you we’re going to his house for rice with Kevin tomorrow?”
“Uh, no babe.” Jake is laughing nervously now, turning Amy around so they’re facing each other.
“Oh god , there’s no way I have baby brain already? I’m so sure I told you yesterday!”
“You didn’t even put it on the calendar? This is shocking.” Jake is poking her sides teasingly and she is trying to make a comeback but only weird noises came out of her mouth before they both hear a knock on the door. “Don’t think we’re not talking about this again later.”
Amy rolls her eyes with a smile and goes to greet Charles at the door. His energy from when he walks through the door is just as usual, and once he’s got his lasagne in the oven to warm up he gives them both warm hugs. “You saw us yesterday, Boyle.” Jake reminds him.
“Always too long to hang out with my favourite couple!” Boyle is bouncing on his heels, and Amy is glancing at him curiously as she gets them all drinks.
They all sit down on their couch and Jake immediately has his arm wrapped around her shoulder. Jake is engaged in a conversation about the day he spent with Nikolaj, and the excitement on his face makes her heart swell. She’s reminded of how great of a father Jake is going to be any time they talk about Nikolaj, or when interacting with Iggy or Terry’s kids. For a moment, all of her energy goes towards not crying.
“So we actually invited you for dinner tonight for a reason.” Jake says, intertwining his hand with hers and she can see Boyle shift to the edge of his seat in excitement.
“Besides seeing our favourite co-worker, we do have something to tell you,” Amy declared, “I’m pregnant!”
The noise that came out of Boyle was loud, however much more tame than either of them expected. “I am so happy for you two, you’re going to be such amazing parents,” Charles chokes out, bringing his hand to his face. He’s jumping over and holding them both in his arms. His reaction is, timid, to say the least.
“You figured it out.” Amy sighs, understanding washing over her.
“WHAT NO THIS IS MY GENUINE REACTION!” Boyle screeches. “Okay fine, I figured it out three weeks ago.”
“How?” Jake murmured, Boyle sitting back down next to them, with a soft smile on his face. “Well, first look at you, you’re glowing all the time!” He gushes, “But also I noticed how you’ve been sick, a bit snappy I guess… And you guys aren’t subtle, at all.”
Boyle tells them about seeing them come from the bathroom one morning, and Jake had been smiling and talking about an apparent dentist appointment, but he had remembered that Jake had already been to the dentist that year. “And Amy didn’t look so good so I put two and two together. You forget I’m an unlicensed doula.”
“How can we forget that?” Amy cringes.
“Wow, I’m surprised you didn’t freak out on us like we expected.” Jake laughed, “You fainted when we got engaged.”
“Well, I know pregnancy can be overwhelming. And… I know that I can be a bit much so I wanted to respect Amy’s space and wait until you decided to tell me.”
“Wow, Charles, thank you. I really appreciate that.” Amy’s chin begins to wobble at the thoughtfulness of their friend.
“Plus Genevieve got the brunt of my excitement, there was a lot of crying.” Boyle laughs. “Nikolaj is very excited to have a little cousin!”
Amy chuckles tearfully at this. “Doesn’t he already have heaps of cousins?”
“Yes but none of those cousins is YOUR BABY!” He shrieks again. “AMERICA’S DREAM BABY!”
～
Usually if they’re late, it is most of the time Jake’s fault. But today, they are 12 minutes late to dinner at the Holt and Cozner household. And it was this damn fetus’ fault. Amy had spent the hour previously upchucking her breakfast and lunch, despite having felt fine all day. Jake had insisted they reschedule but she didn’t want to delay sharing the news with her captain, mentor and friend any longer.
Neither of them comment on their lateness, but offer them drinks instead. Jake shakes his head while Amy asks for a water and they settle at their dining table while Kevin serves up their rice into bowls. “I’m really excited for a nice plain meal tonight.” Amy whispered to Jake with a chuckle.
“How have your weekends been, pleasant I hope?” Holt asks, his tone plain but somehow caring.
“Yes we’ve had some nice downtime, and Charles came for dinner last night.” Amy recalled.
As pleasant conversation began between the group; Jake ate his rice quietly, stuck in his own thoughts. He didn’t have any reason to truly be nervous, Holt (and Kevin, really) had been there for there the debate on children almost a year ago now and he had always been supportive of both him and Amy. But still, the importance their captain had in their lives made him excited and nervous in a way he didn’t expect to be. Telling his mom (and dad, he guesses), had been easier and more exciting; this was their first grandchild, so their happiness was contagious. Telling Victor and Camila was a bit nerve wracking, but they were thrilled for the pair of course. Telling Holt and Kevin was the last of the big people to tell before telling the last of their squad. It was scary.
“Jake?” Kevin repeated.
“Jacob?” Holt attempted to get Jake out of his stupor.
“Babe?” Amy’s hand rests on his shoulder, concern etched on her face. “Hey, it’s okay.”
“What’s going on Jake?” Holt questioned sternly.
“Well, we have some news.” Amy announced, her hand falling on his knee as an attempt to settle his nerves. “We’re having a baby!”
The happiness in his wife’s voice snaps him out of it, a smile creeping up onto his face again. “Yep, Amy’s, uh, preggo! Bun in the oven!”
Holt spares a glance at his husband before looking back at Jake and Amy. “Congratulations, Jake and Amy, on the ‘bun in the oven’.” Kevin comments with a small grin on his face. “I’m sure the two of you will make competent parents.”
Holt is quiet for a moment more before he speaks up, “I am so delighted by this news and I’m so proud of how far you’ve come as people. Congratulations.”
Amy sucks in a deep breath as she attempts to fend off the tears once again, and taking a glimpse over at her husband she sees the tears forming in his eyes and back at Holt she sees his lips are pursed in an emotional smile. She gives into her emotions and allows the tears to fall down her cheeks with a laugh. “Thank you.”
Holt stands up out of his chair and walks over to the pair, and when the both of them stand, he embraces them both one by one. None of them are trying to keep the tears in anymore, and once the hug is over Amy pulls the ultrasound copy out of her pocket to show it to him. The smile that appears on his face is so bright, Amy clasps onto Jake’s arm. “Is this a spare copy?” Amy nods, “May I keep this?”
“Yeah anything for their favourite grandpa? Grandaptain?” Jake babbled, “Or whatever.”
“I’m sure Raymond and I would be delighted to be included in your child’s life.” Kevin cuts in for his speechless husband.
“I would love to be their Grandaptain.” Holt chuckles, placing his free hand on Jake’s shoulder.
～
The rest of the announcements go smoothly over the next few weeks. Gina reacts in a cool, Gina-esque way, but later pulls Amy inside to offer genuine advice and tells her how happy she is for them. Terry envelopes them in a giant bear hug before Amy begs to be let go before she pukes all over him. Hitchcock and Scully offer their babysitting services, which they politely decline. Amy’s squad downstairs cheers loudly for her, congratulations echo through the room and she almost cries at the support.
Once the entire precinct is aware, Rosa begins tabling out bets on different aspects of Jake and Amy’s kid. Birthday and gender, being the main ones. “I’m sorry, but Amy has SEVEN brothers. No way it’ll be a girl.” Boyle says as he puts $100 down.
“Wow, okay. Genetics are stupid . It’s going to be a girl.” Rosa has her arms crossed, grinning as both Jake and Amy walk over to them, “What do the parents think? Boy or girl?”
“Seven brothers. Boy doiiii.” Jake drones lightly, his arm snaking around Amy’s wait to rest on the side of the tiny bump that is hidden by her uniform. “It’s literally safest bet to make.”
Amy’s smile is bright as she laughs at her husband, the bets are out of control but half of the bet money is going to them as a squad gift so she can’t complain. She takes out her wallet takes out a $20 bill and puts it down on the bet jar Rosa is holding.
“I think we might be surprised.”
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Blank Space - Episode 3
Ready For It
Song Used In This Episode:
Ready For It - Taylor Swift
'Baby let the games begin'
A couple of weeks later, Amanda was back in Caernarfon but everything was different. She was in the countdown for living the most amazing experience of her life.
Her parents and Clint were over the moon when she told them what had happened. More than everything they wanted her to be happy and successful.
Taylor was a bit under the weather. She wanted to spend the last three weeks with her boyfriend but from one day to the other she had found herself being contacted but all kinds of management agencies basically begging her to convince Amanda (by her stage name of Morgan Llewellyn, of course) to sign with them.
On a sunny Sunday morning, they were on a pretty tea shop near Caernarfon Castle discussing future projects.
''I got sent pictures of the place you're staying in NYC.'' Taylor handed Amanda her iPad.
Amanda whistled. She thought that she was going to stay in a hotel. Instead she was getting a beautiful place that looked just like Taylor Swift's dreamy apartment that she had seen on her old Instagram posts numerous times. Now she had one just like that. Sweet.
''Look at this place. In normal circumstances I would've never been able to afford even a room in NYC.''
''And there is more'' Taylor handed her a paper. ''Here's your contract. You'll sign it once you're in New York.'' then she pointed to a string of numbers at the bottom. ''This is your salary.''
Amanda had been too wonderfully happy with getting the lead role of an important movie that she had forgot about the money. Until now, that she was seeing the numbers.
''Hell... eight numbers...'' she laughed out loud. ''I'm a bloody millionaire!''
Some people heard her and looked at her as if she'd had gone crazy.
''You're getting paid a share of it once you get there for your expenses. They'll give you millions, believe me. And that without counting the money you'll make for publicity deals.'' she handed Amanda another paper. ''There you have all the agencies that want to represent you. I suggest you have one here in the U.K and another in New York.'' she pointed to a name on the list. ''This one represents all the big names in Britain: Benedict Cumberbatch, Emilia Clarke, Felicity Jones, Tom Holland and many more.''
''Sign me''
''Okay...'' Taylor wrote something down. ''And in New York I think you'll like this one'' she pointed to another name. ''It represents someone you really like: Chris Evans.''
Amanda felt proud of herself at this moment.
''Sign me up. Now.''
''Okay. And IMG Models wants to sign you too.'' before Amanda could say something Taylor kept talking. ''You'd get good deals with them. They think that in less than a month you can be the face of Chanel, Cartier, Hugo Boss, all the brands that you like and you could never afford. They told me that you'll get those contracts with ease. They told me something about your very rare eye colour and how it reminded them of Elizabeth Taylor's. The brands will go crazy for you and your classic Hollywood look.''
It was true. Since she had started acting she always been told that she had something of classical Hollywood actresses like Vivien Leigh or Elizabeth Taylor. Maybe it was her looks or the grace with she carried herself.
''One thing'' Amanda's mind had wondered off. ''Don't ever make me date anyone for publicity. Not even my co-star or anyone else. If I date someone, let it be real.''
Taylor had to laugh. Amanda was talking as if she knew a lot about relationships when she had never had a serious one. Three dates with the same guy, her co-star in Richard III, was her record and she had kept calling him Richard when his name was Michael. But Amanda in Hollywood was a real danger and she'll have to keep an eye open for her.
''Just don't become a public serial dater. If you want to do it, do it lowkey. I don't want to deal with it.''
''I won't be a serial dater. When had I been something like that?''
It seemed like it was the time for Taylor's daily 'roasting Amanda' session.
''You don't date people here because no one is on your level'' Amanda had to admit she was right. ''But you'll meet handsome and famous people that you're going to like. What happens when you meet Chris Evans or someone similar? I don't doubt it he'll be interested and probably you too. The problem is you'll probably ghost him if you ever get a chance with Stan.''
If that improbable scenario happened, it wouldn't be the first time that Amanda ghosted someone. That had happened so many times before that it was impossible to count.
''You're talking as if I'll knock Chris Evans off his feet. Thank you for your faith. And Sebastian has a girlfriend now'' no matter what, Amanda was still bitter about that. ''I don't have chance.''
''Do you even believe in what you're saying? Or are you being fake modest? You're Hollywood hottest newcomer and the poducers are hyping you and your mesmerizing deep blue eyes up to the roof. And he is on the list of candidates to be your co-star. Just please, don't be a homewrecker.''
Amanda almost spitted out the tea she was drinking.
''Oh. My. God. I can't believe this. A homewrecker? Really? He's not married, you know? He's been with this chick for two weeks, if so. I don't even rememeber the gal's name, just saying. But 'homewrecker' may be one the best things you ever said to me.''
She grabbed a cookie, dipped it in the tea and ate it.
''The best is probably 'Soul-crushing excuse of a human being'. Which you are when you want.''
''If you're worried...'' Amanda went bact to the topic of his co-star. ''Thimothee Chalamet is probably getting the role. I think Sebastian can't do it because of his agenda. I'm not complaining, I like Thimothee. And I got the lead role in an important movie. Why would I want Sebastian?'' she asked with raised eyebrows.
''Because if you have the slight chance of getting both, the lead role and Sebastian, you're going to go for it. I know how your mind works and it's dangerous. If you end up working with the guy just be decent and keep your distance.''
Amanda glanced at her cup of tea.
''I promise I won't get into any kind of trouble'' she said with all the innocence in the world.
Taylor could have sworn that she had seen a subtle smile on Amanda's face for a second but when she looked back at her, she was still looking at the cup of tea. Maybe Taylor was imagining things.
The day before Amanda and Taylor left to NYC, Amanda's parents made a nice farewell dinner for them at the farm. Her brother Clint and his wife Lila were there, as well as Josh Barrowman, who was Taylor's boyfriend, with his brother Adam and Taylor's parents and two sisters.
Amanda was using his usual spot on the table, at the head of it. She's been sitting there since she could sit on a chair without falling.
She wasn't talking with anyone, just listening to Josh Barrowman's loud laugh. She just hoped that with time and distance Taylor made up her mind and dumped Josh's local ass once and for all.
Both of her parents were talking to Taylor's parents about hers and Clint's academic achievements.
''They got five GCSE's'' her dad said, with quite a defeated voice.
''But this is quite decent'' said Taylor's mum. ''Taylor got seven. Just two more than Amanda.''
''Five between both of them. Clint got two and Amanda three.''
Amanda had never been brilliant in nothing academic related. She was smart and she liked learning but she hated studying and she hadn't had time to study for her GCSE's as she was rehearsing for a role she had got at the Shakespeare Globe. It was a miracle that she had turned up to most of the exams and even more of a miracle that she had passed three of them
''That's scandalous" said Josh with his loud voice. ''What are you going to do with your life, Amanda?''
She looked pensive for a second.
''I don't know, Josh. Maybe... star in a movie, work with the best people in Hollywood, be the face of luxury brands, earn millions and someday win an Oscar.'' she shot him a venomous smile. ''I don't need math for this. I'm an actress not an accountant.''
Josh couldn't thing of any useful comeback. After all she was right. Her life was the shining lights, the fame, the thrill before going on stage, the influential people and the applause, not a normal life working 9 to 5 in a normal job.
Taylor just wanted Josh to shut up.
''Who needs good grades.'' said Clint with the same venomous smile as his sister. ''I was a disaster at school and now I'm a successful rugby player. I'm on the Welsh national team and I'm leaving Cardiff to London because I got signed by the last league champions, the Saracens!''
The three Ward-Prowse cheered. They were in a good moment with Amanda getting her first lead role and Clint playing for the most important rugby team in Britain.
''We're taking on the world'' Amanda was quite proud. Then she looked at Lila, who didn't look as happy with the prospect of leaving Wales. The word 'local' formed in Amanda's mind. But she didn't say anything.
There was no bad blood between the two sisters in law but there was not much love either. Lila had always been of the opinion that Amanda was immature, calculating, egomaniac, chaotic, frivolous and had a diva demeanour that was very unsettling and intimidating.
On her part Amanda was of the opinion that her brother could do better. It was the same feeling she had with Taylor and Josh. If the idiot hadn't been so eager to marry young Amanda could have settled him up with one of her future actress or model friends that were going to be as glamorous and dazzling as Amanda herself.
Lila was not going to miss Amanda's chaotic presence any time soon. Good luck to the New Yorkers at handling her.
At some point along the night Amanda quietly left to her bedroom without almost anyone noticing. She was a bit overwhelmed by the situation. She was leaving in less than ten hours and she couldn't wait. Only Adam Barrowman noticed her absence and he told Clint.
''Your sister left.''
''She's leaving tomorrow. She needs to rest.''
''Clint, if I ask her out when she comes back, do you think she'll accept?''
For a moment, Clint thought that Adam was joking.
''You don't get it, don't you?'' Adam shook his head. ''She's epically out of your league and she's not coming back any time soon. She's just starting her career and I bet you all my money that she'll stay in New York for a long time. But forget it, she won't be living here anymore. Next month she'll be befriending glamorous people and leaving fancy places holding hands with Captain America. That will be her life from tomorrow onwards.''
This silenced Adam for a while. These Ward-Prowse had the special ability of shut up the Barrowman brothers whenever they wanted.
Amanda was in her room, packing some last minute things and watching an old episode of Doctor Who. One of her cats were lazily sleeping on her bed.
No matter what, a part of her was going to miss the peace and quiet of coming back to her room after a long day and cuddling her cats with a cup of tea and the company of Doctor Who.
''Amanda, are you here?'' it was Taylor who was calling her.
''The door is open''
Amanda was packing a graphic shirt with the picture of a Dalek and the word 'Exterminate!' on it.
''I can't believe you're taking this thing with you'' she pointed at shirt.
''I'm not leaving it. You know I love my shirts with messages.''
No one could rock a graphic shirt with high waisted pants, a leather jacket and impossible high heels like Amanda.
''Whatever you say. I can picture all the world stealing your look and wearing shirts with Daleks on it. But I wanted to tell you something.'' Taylor braced herself. ''Josh proposed to me.''
To her surprise, Amanda didn't say a thing. She just opened her deep blue eyes.
''That is up to you. If you want to marry him, go ahead. But there's no way in hell I'm taking Josh to New York. This is not a field trip, this is my career. I'll just have to find a new agent.'' she rolled her eyes. ''Great. Fantastic. I'll be your maid of honour if I don't have to film this day. Or go to an award show. Or a date with a hot actor. Or... anything of the sort.''
The subliminal message of her rant was 'Go and ruin your life while I live my dream. You had a chance of sharing a little bit of my fame but you chose Josh Barrowman instead. What a pity, bye.''
''Amanda, just shut up for a second. I didn't accept his proposal. I told him no.''
Amanda, who didn't have a drop of empathy in her body when it came to relationships just smiled.
''Well done! Now you have your job back. I hope you dumped him in the process so you're a free agent once again and I can set you up with someone really interesting that's on your level.''
''Can you stop being so insensitive for a second?'' Taylor didn't got offended anymore with Amanda's crudeness. She had got used to it many years ago. ''We're taking an break that I don't know how much will last. You words got into my head. I don't want to settle down yet. I want to go to New York and see the world.''
''You'll fall in love with it. You'll never want to get back here with Josh.''
''Is it bad that I'm not even sad? I'm relived, to be honest. Oh no, maybe I'm becoming a creature like you'' she look at Amanda as if she were some dangerous alien.
''You say it as if it is a bad thing. Let me remind you that you were the one that got proposed by Josh Localman not I. This creature still wins''.
Her mother woke her up at six a.m the next morning. Amanda was still cuddling her cat and Doctor Who was still playing.
''Am, it's time to go.'' her mother shook her a little and Amanda immediately jump from the bed. ''Your dad already has your luggage on the car and Taylor is waiting for you.'' she noticed her mother's hand shaking a little.
She was perfectly dressed in just a few minutes, with her make up flawless and wearing a perfect 'airport outfit' that consisted in skinny jeans, high heels, a chic white shirt and a leather jacket.
''Do you realise that after an eight hour flight you're going to feel like trash with those heels and jeans?'' asked Taylor when she saw Amanda. Taylor was just wearing comfortable leggings with a shirt and trainers. Comfort was always first for her.
''I'll smile through it.'' Amanda was saying good bye to her two Corgies, Captain Jack Harkness and Doctor River Song. She had said goodbye to the cats already. ''I'll miss my two babies.''
''You haven't said goodbye to the sheep yet.'' her dad told her.
Among all the sheep her parents had, she had a favourite.
''What I'm going to do without you, Lady Macbeth?'' she hugged the animal for a long while.
''She lost her mind'' Taylor mumbled.
After the goodbyes to the animals, they went on their way to Anglesley, that had the nearest international airport. It was just a thirty minute ride that went by too fast.
''Call us when you get there.'' her father hugged her tightly. ''We'll miss you lots. Next time you come you'll be a star.''
''Am, just be careful. Don't cause any scandal and don't break too many hearts.'' her mother kissed her forehead and hugged her.
''You girl...'' Clint gave her a bone crushing hug. ''...are going to conquer New York and become its Queen. I want to see you in every magazine being praised for your talent and beauty. If someone breaks your heart, break their necks afterwards.''
''Clint!'' their mother shouted.
''It was just a joke, mum. Amanda won't murder anyone.''
Taylor was a river of tears while saying goodbye to her parents and Amanda basically had to drag her towards the check in.
''Take her of each other!'' her mother shouted.
''We will, mum!'' Amada shouted because Taylor was crying so hard that she couldn't speak.
Amanda comforted her with coffee and bagels and after a while she was better.
''This is the worst part but when we get into that plane it'll be better'' said Amanda.
''Probably you're right''
Amanda was basically freaking out when she found out that they were travelling in first class. She immediately installed on a seat and before taking off she already had her Spotify playlist ready. Taylor just wanted to sleep. She was terrified of flying and the best was to sleep during most of the way.
''Tay, I guess we should start getting used to my stage name. For now on is Morgan and just Morgan.''
''Even between us?''
''Yeah. At least in New York. You don't want to slip my real name in front of people.''
''Okay, Dear Morgan.''
''That's better.''
Amanda curled up on the seat listening to the soothing voice of Ed Sheeran. Taylor fell asleep almost immediately.
At some point during the flight Amanda may have fell asleep because she suddenly woke up with Taylor shaking her.
''Amanda... sorry... Morgan, we're landing in twenty minutes. Sort yourself because you look like a mess.''
With shaking hands she retouched her make up and tidied her hair. Then she went on to look through the windows.
''I can see New York.'' she was taking pictures.
''You know I hate heights''.
Thankfully for Taylor, the ordeal didn't last and in ten minutes they were safely on firm earth. Amanda couldn't stop talking while they went through customs and during the whole process of leaving the airport.
''Morgan, you made it. We're here'' Taylor said when they had taken one step out of the airport. ''Welcome to New York.''
P.S. Happy New Year!! I hope it brings great things to me and everyone that’s reading this. I wish I can get Morgan’s life in 2019 lmao.
I’ll post the next episode next Monday.
#Sebastian Stan#sebastian stan x ofc#sebastian stan fanfiction#sebastian stan imagine#marvel#mcu#The Avengers#happy new year
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Strangers ch. 15
Xiumin and Lisa both surprise you, albeit with very different stakes.
Pairing: Yoongi x (female) Reader
Word count: 1.4k
Genre: Fluff
|mlist|
<–– Prev Next ––>
“So this is what you meant by see you tomorrow?”
Xiumin shrugs. “I hope you’re not disappointed?”
“How could I be?” you laugh, accepting his offered bouquet. “Here I was, ready for work–”
“Surprise! No work, just brunch,” Xiumin says, procuring a pastry box from behind him. “I bought croissants.”
“Yummy! Come in, let me make some coffee.” you pad back inside and set the coffeemaker to work, swiftly sweeping scrap paper and your latest homework assignments off the kitchen table to make room for two plates.
“Sorry for the mess,” you apologize.
“Not at all! It’s my fault for dropping in on you like this,” Xiumin says, setting down the box.
“You dropped in with flowers and food,” you say, grabbing a spare mug from the cupboard as the coffeemaker announces that it’s done. “You’re totally forgiven.”
“Awesome,” Xiumin says with a goofy grin. “How can I help?”
“Could you put those in that vase over there?” you say, nodding at the brilliant pink peonies. “And how did you know my favorite flower?”
“You did a performance with your improv troupe where you mentioned it,” Xiumin says. “It’s a random thing to make up, so I figured you were telling the truth.”
“You’ve seen our performances?”
Xiumin laughs. “Sure, it’s hard to ignore the posters all over campus.”
“What’s your major again? I forgot you went to Seoul Arts too,” you admit, using the shortened name for the university.
“Visual arts with an emphasis on contemporary painting,” he says. “So basically I’m destined to work at the cafe my whole life.”
“Same. You’re talking to an actress, remember?” you remind him.
“Ah, but you’re good at what you do.”
“I’m sure you are too,” you laugh, biting into a croissant. It’s soft, flaky, and the perfect thing to help you recover from your episode last night. You’ve heard of panic attacks, but surely that’s not what your minor freak-out was.
You finish breakfast with more pleasant chatter, and Xiumin stands to help you wash up.
“I actually had something I wanted to ask you,” he says as he dries off the dishes.
“Yeah? Shoot.”
“I was wondering if you’d like to be my girlfriend?”
Wuh?
“I know it’s fast and all,” Xiumin rushes to say. “I don’t need an answer right now. I… well, you’re pretty amazing, y/n. I don’t want someone else swooping you up while I’m pretending to like you only as a coworker–”
“Xiumin,” you say, elbowing him. “Calm down. I’ll think about it.”
His eyes gleam with happiness. “You will?”
“Of course.” Why wouldn’t you? Xiumin’s a nice guy, and he likes you. You like him too, right?
“Awesome! Then I’m gonna get going,” Xiumin says. “I, uh… I may or may not have told the manager I had a morning class, and I’m supposed to be back at the cafe-” he checks his watch, “Fifteen minutes ago.”
“Yeah, of course! Thanks for breakfast.” you wave him out the door before inhaling deeply. Well, that happened.
Shit, homework! You rush to your desk and open your laptop. With the craziness of yesterday, you’ve still got so much to do before tomorrow. You groan at the realization that you have a huge presentation due Friday, and you need to rehearse a monologue for your Shakespeare unit, plus all of your day-to day homework and your job at the cafe… It’s gonna be a busy week.
And it was. Between your morning classes, afternoon study sessions and night shifts at the cafe, the week goes by quicker than you expect.
You and Yoongi text whenever you can, but with his fanmeets and comeback preparation as well as your own schedule, you only manage rushed conversations. Still, you talk about both everything and nothing at all.
You sit back Saturday afternoon and stretch. It’s been a whirlwind of a week– you had dinner with Xiumin twice and Lisa’s come over just about every day to study with you. Even so, you’re pretty sure you failed your history exam, and your advanced literature essay was ninety percent bullshit.
A buzz behind you, and reach for your phone.
“Hello?”
“Darling y/n, my beautiful wife, the most amazing–”
“Lisa,” you sigh, bemused. “What do you want?”
“How do you know I want anything? Maybe I’m just wishing you a happy early birthday.”
“You only get that compliment-y when you want something.”
Lisa laughs over the phone. “You caught me. My housemates are having a cocktail party tonight, and I really don’t feel like going– you know how snobby they get when they’re drunk off martinis. Can I sleep over?”
“Of course! God forbid you face the wrath of Wendy’s tipsy critiques again,” you giggle. “Yeah, come on over whenever. We can watch a movie and stuff ourselves full of the cheapest ramen money can buy.”
“You know me so well,” Lisa says, sighing wistfully. “I’ll be there in an hour.”
“By which you mean three.”
“Don’t expose me, y/n!”
You laugh. “See you soon.”
Three hours later you hear a knock at your door and Lisa walks in with her overnight bag.
“I’m still jealous that you live alone,” she announces, flopping on your bed.
“In this tiny ass apartment that’s costing me an arm and a leg? I’ll trade you.”
“You’d rather five housemates than a kitchen you can barely turn around in?”
You consider it. “Good point. Never mind.”
“What movie do you want to watch?” Lisa asks, opening her laptop.
“Something American?” you suggest. “I’ve been meaning to practice my English.”
“Ugh, I hate subtitles,” Lisa whines. “But you’re the birthday girl, so I’ll be a good friend.”
“Wow, I feel like royalty,” you tease. “I’ll change into my pajamas. Pick whatever.”
A few hours later find you and Lisa bawling as the Titanic end credits roll.
“Th-that was beautiful,” Lisa sniffles.
“I’m never getting on a boat again,” you announce, wiping your eyes.
Still hiccuping, Lisa looks at her watch. “Woah! We need to sleep!”
You check your phone. “It’s not even midnight.”
“Yeah, but I’m totally taking you out for a birthday breakfast tomorrow, so we have to be up early.”
You smile at your friend. “Alright, fine. But you’re making too big a deal of it. It’s just a day.”
“You’re so weird. Of course it’s a big deal– your birthday only comes once a year! Now go to sleep. Goodnight!”
With the abrupt order, Lisa turns over in your bed and closes her eyes.
Why do I love her, you wonder as you climb into bed next to her. With your friend’s quiet breathing a calming constant, your eyes flutter shut and you let sleep take you.
“Did you see my bag? Did you see my bag?”
You groan, pressing your face against your pillow. “What the–”
“Sorry, sorry!” Lisa scrambles to shut off her alarm. “I forgot that was on.”
“Mm…” you’re about to turn over and fall back asleep when Lisa pokes your cheek. “Whaaat?”
“Happy birthday!”
You yawn, sitting up. “Thanks, hon.”
“Now let’s get going.”
“Excuse me?”
“I, uh… I made breakfast reservations for my bestie!” Lisa says excitedly.
“Ah, really? Thanks,” you reply, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surpri-ise,” Lisa sings. “Now get dressed. Wear something a little sexy, yeah?”
Your raise an eyebrow. “Sexy? For breakfast?”
“Or don’t. You’re the birthday girl,” Lisa tells you, already waiting by the door.
Twenty minutes later you’re speeding down a highway, dressed in a snug black v-neck and high waisted shorts. It’s only breakfast, after all.
Half an hour of driving leaves you drumming your fingers against the dashboard. “Are we there yet?”
“Tsk, you’re so impatient,” Lisa complains. “We’ll be there soon.”
“Good, I’m starving.”
“You’ll be very well fed, I promise,” Lisa says, winking at you.
“O-kay…”
Ten minutes later, the traffic begins getting heavier.
“Jeez, why are so many people out this early on a Sunday?” you say, staring at the line of cars in front of you.
“No clue, maybe they all want breakfast?” Lisa suggests.
“I guess.”
You eventually park in front of a large but nondescript building. Streaming past you are dozens of chattering teenage girls, most of them wearing… what?
“Why is literally everyone wearing Bangtan merch?” you hiss at Lisa.
She laughs sheepishly. “I guess I can’t keep it a secret any longer. Surprise, y/n! I got us tickets to a BTS fanmeet. Happy birthday!”
A/N Thank you so much for reading! As always, my inbox is open and I’d love any feedback you may have :)
#bts#bangtan#bangtan sonyeondan#bantansonyeondan#bangtan boys#beyond the scene#bulletproof boy scouts#yoongi#suga#min yoongi#min suga#bts suga#bts fic#bts fanfic#bts banfiction#bts fluff#bts angst#bts drama#yoongi fic#yoongi fanfic#yoongi fanfiction#yoongi fluff#yoongi angst#yoongi drama#suga fic#suga fanfic#suga fanfiction#suga fluff#suga angst#suga drama
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Love Scenario
Jung Hoseok x Reader
inspired by ikon’s love scenario: mv lyrics
words: 2.3k
“We were in love, we met, that’s good enough.
I loved you.”
Everywhere you went it seemed a piece of him was there, whether it be a fan or a song playing or his face on an advertisement. Although the ending of your relationship was mutual it didn’t make it any easier. You couldn’t accept the being away from him so long, and he couldn’t accept being the cause of your misfortune.
Jung Hoseok was just too considerate to keep tearing you apart like that.
No matter how bad it hurt, however, you often found your mind wondering to precious memories even after a year and a half.
“We met and became a memory that can’t be erased.”
Meeting someone like Hoseok is just like how many would expect. He was very charismatic and lit up the room like a small, personal source of sunshine. You didn’t consider yourself shy but the first time you spoke to him you could barely even get a word out. You were working at a daycare when Hoseok came to pick up his nephew for the first time.
“Uhm, I’m sorry, but I can’t let you take him.”
“Didn’t my sister call?” He was still smiling, despite your denial of his request.
“She didn’t, but would you like to call her and let me speak to her?”
“Of course! Give me a second.”
After the whole situation was settled over the phone, Hoseok didn’t hesitate to show his bubbly personality to you. “I’m glad my my nephew was in the care of someone as persistent as you.”
“I-I wasn’t annoying, was I?”
“No, that’s not what I meant at all!” He flashed a smile your direction bright enough to blind someone, “I’m seriously glad he can be safe with you-…”
“(Y/N).”
“(Y/N), that’s a pretty name. Do you know who I am?”
You were a little confused by his question. “Well yes, you told me a little while ago your name was Jung Hoseok.”
He laughed at this, and at the time you didn’t understand. “That’s good; I’d rather you know me as Hoseok.”
It was mere hours later when you saw him on twitter under the description of ‘J-Hope’ and messaged the number he gave you asking about it. Hoseok simply restated his previous though; “I’d rather you know me as Hoseok.”
“The love scenario that we made, now the lights are off.”
Your first date was thrilling, ‘like a spy movie’ you had told him. All black from head to toe the both of you made your way through small crowds of drunken people in the middle of the night before finding a deserted park. A small part of your mind smiles at the memory now, because leave it to him to have such an unconventional but exciting first date.
When the both of you were finally alone on the top of a small hill you removed your face masks, and the smile he gave you was one of the most genuine smiles you’d ever been given the honor of witnessing. “I’m sorry it’s so late (Y/N), my schedules are getting tougher to work around with the comeback coming up.”
At this time the boys of BTS were getting ready to release The Most Beautiful Moment In Life Pt.1, and you quickly caught on to how hard it’d be to make time for each other. That, of course, didn’t stop you from agreeing to stargaze at nearly 1 am. “I don’t mind but, Hoseok, you can’t really see any stars right now. We’re too far in the city.”
“What if I told you the star I wanted to look at was you?”
“I’d tell you that’s almost too corny to be romantic.” You giggled as your eyes left the sky and met his, and the feelings you had that night still haven’t left your gut, even after being apart from him for so long. If it wasn’t your first date you would’ve kissed him.
It was a good thing he felt the same way and kissed you instead.
“Today was our yesterday and now there’s no tomorrow
It hurts but if we dragged it out more, it would’ve become a scar.”
Hoseok was out promoting Young Forever and you were alone again.
After a year of dating Hoseok you’d figured you’d learn to live with his absence. They all say “distance makes the heart grow fonder” but it was so difficult to find truth in that statement. Why were you feeling so heartbroken when your heart was supposed to grow to love him more?
It was late and you were more emotional than ever, clutching a pillow to your chest and letting a few tears softly fall. Even when hearing the click of the door resonate through your apartment you didn’t budge, because who else would come in at nearly four in the morning?
You heard him walk to and fro through the other rooms before he finally climbed into your bed beside you ten minutes later. His arms wrapped around your middle and pulled you into him, and in this moment you forgot how to handle the silence. The sniffling tone of your voice betrayed you as you revealed, “I miss you.”
“I missed you too.” He furthered his head into the crook of your neck and began placing feather-soft kisses on your shoulder. “Have you been crying (Y/N)?”
“I-”, you take a shaky breath to calm yourself, “I didn’t say I missed you Hoseok. I said I miss you.”
He knew what you meant but continued to play dumb; he obviously didn’t want this conversation to ever pop up. “But I’m right here.”
He shifted his position to place kisses on your neck but you abruptly turned in your place and he physically stiffened seeing your tear-stained face. “I love you so much, but I’m starting to think you’re too busy for me. And that’s okay, I wouldn’t want to keep you from your dream job and I don’t want to be selfish.”
Hoseok was staring into your eyes with so much sadness it was almost unbearable to look at. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“It feels like I’ve already lost you.”
Tears began to well up in his eyes but you knew he wouldn’t let them escape. Feigning strength he laughed, “You’ll always have me. Maybe not physically, but whenever I cannot be here the days are so long and you’re all I can think about. Whenever my courage wavers I know you’ll support me and I’ll never stop loving you for that.”
“I’ll love you forever too.”
You should’ve known with the rising fame of BTS he couldn’t truly promise to make more time for you, but he promised anyways. And you believed it.
He was gone the next morning when you woke up.
“I loved you and I was loved, so that’s good enough for me.”
The hard times apart was why you and Hoseok broke up in the end, but the chills that run down your spine when thinking about the happy memories never go away. You’re glad but deep down know that will only ever cause trouble for you in the future.
Yet, you can’t help but wonder if he gets happy thinking about you too, even still.
One of your favorite memories was a late spring evening when Hobi tried to teach you to slow dance. Being graceful with your body was not your forte, so your movements were very rigid and awkward. He didn’t care and still laughed and swayed with you for hours on the kitchen floor to help you forget the troubles of that day. Thinking back now, you can’t even remember what you had been stressing about, but thank god for it because Hoseok held you in his arms for what felt like a small eternity.
He was such an attentive lover, and would remind you of how much he loved you every chance he got. This meant whispering sweet nothings in your ear, kisses for no particular reason, and a lifetime supply of backhugs.
There was no question of how much he loved you, and the same could be said of how much you loved him. You weren’t ready to admit it, but you were in love with him still. But he ended things, not being able to forget how loud and painful your crying was to listen to when you missed him. He’d sneak in to surprise you by being home but was only met with the distant sounds of your sniffles.
The one specific incident, however, pushed him and you both over the edge.
“A pretty good ending, that’s all I need.”
“You literally just got here.”
“I know (Y/N), I’m sorry. I’ll be home later.”
He was turning to go but you caught his hand, “When later?”
You could tell by the edge in his voice he was getting a little annoyed. “I don’t know, just later.”
“What am I to you?” Even you were surprised by how your voice had risen, and your tone got his attention as well as he was turning back around to face you with remorse written across his face. You continued on, “I feel like a revolving door Hoseok. You walk on through, in and out again but you never stay.”
He sighed and you knew this conversation was old news but you couldn’t help it. “You know there’s nothing I can do about it. I hate it too.”
Inhaling a shaky breath you press on. “I don’t want to cry about you anymore.”
The silence that followed was deafening and you hadn’t grasped the full effect of your own words until it was too late. “I don’t want you to cry anymore either. I’m starting to loathe myself for being the reason.”
“I don’t want you to be angry with-”
“But I am angry. You don’t deserve this.”
The intense look the both of you shared was enough for you to know where this conversation was going, but you didn’t want to believe it. “But I love you.”
“I love you, and because I love you I have to let you go, I have to let you be free of me who is causing your unhappiness.”
Being breathless with emotion you were unable to voice how he was your happiness.
“I already miss you but I’m trying not to, I’ll remember you like
a warm spring in a movie.”
Everyday after that felt like a battle. Wake up. Get ready. Try to look happy. Repeat.
Even the kids at the daycare you worked at noticed something off, but you quickly bounced back outwardly to ward off any suspicion of your misfortune. Hoseok didn’t pick up his nephew anymore.
It wasn’t even until months later you saw him again, and it was only through a television screen.
It was fitting, because the god parts of your relationship made up such a cheesy romantic comedy it was almost too good to be a movie. He always brought the mood of spring and laughter and love with him every time he was near, just like the first time he entered into your life.
Today, as you are walking to work, you can hear music all around the crowded streets of the city, and some of the music includes his voice. He was inescapable and it seemed you’d never be free of him like he had hoped.
Even if you were supposed to be getting over him you didn’t mind. When picturing him in your mind you were reminded of all the good things in life, although he was the best thing and was taken away.
Sometimes it seemed like you’d never see him in person again, but then a familiar face walked through the door to drop off his new niece.
“(Y/N).”
“Hoseok.”
His eyes met yours in the most nostalgic way and you could feel fear bubble up inside you; fear that this moment will be too short and you’ll never see him again. “How have you been?” He’s trying to make conversation.
“Okay.” That’s a lie. “How are you?”
“I’ve been okay too.”
The silence that followed was broken by his sassy niece clearing her throat.
You laughed, along with Hoseok who took that as a hint to check her in. “I didn’t think you’d still work here.”
“I’m content. Bangtan was gotten very popular, congratulations.”
“Thank you, we’re actually going to an American awards show soon.”
He was going to leave very soon, too soon than you liked. There were so many things your heart was begging you to blurt out.
I love you.
I miss you.
Please come home.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you around.”
“Bye then.”
He was halfway to the door when he turned and your eyes locked. His eyes were overflowing with an all too familiar emotion as this very scene felt too nostalgic for comfort. The last time this happened he left your apartment and never came back.
“I’ve missed you (Y/N).”
You mustered all your courage, because as much as you wanted to say it back you knew you couldn’t. There were so many other things you wanted to say but you only had time for one thing before he was out the door and out of your life indefinitely.
In a split-second you decided to tell him what you wished you could have that year and a half ago when he was walking out on you and your relationship for what he thought was for your own sake. You decide to tell him the only thing you could know to be true at this point.
“You were my happiness.”
“We were in love, we met, and that’s good enough.”
did you like it? was it too angsty? did you want a happy ending? let me know all your thoughts!
daisy xoxo
#wow im crying#jung hoseok x reader#jhope x reader#jung hoseok scenarios#bts scenarios#bts x reader#jhope fluff#jhope angst#jung hoseok fluff#jung hoseok angst#bangtan x reader#bts fanfction#bts imagines#jhope imagine#jung hoseok imagines#daisy xoxo
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Being sad is part of life.
(the following is just me talking to my future self who is reading stuff I wrote to get it all out of my head so I don’t cry mid-exams... aka it is insanely long, unimportant, and depressing)
On November 29th, I got a notification that read “Father Adrian San Juan’s Birthday tomorrow.” I had already been counting down the days until his birthday and didn’t need the notification to remind me. But when it did remind me, it hurt.
The following day I shared a post on Facebook:
Yesterday, Father Adrian San Juan turned 44 in Heaven. I’ve faced grief before (4 times this year, c'est la vie) but...
Posted by
Mila Reyes
on
Tuesday, December 1, 2020
but I didn’t share the full story because it was already long (and no one cares lol).
This isn’t the full story but the truth is,
goshdangit,
I miss him.
I miss his loud laugh. I miss his smile. I miss his savage comebacks. I miss his nerdy music moments. I miss his criticism. I miss his tidbits of wisdom.
I miss his random rants. I miss his leadership. I miss his guidance. I miss his witty sense of humour.
I know I’m not the only one, but it certainly feels like it. I feel alone in this.
I still remember the day he died.
I had a rough start to the day and had skipped breakfast (because I had planned on just eating a big lunch) and lunch (because I was too hurt to eat [for reasons I won’t mention]). I was still crying in my room when a friend called to ask about some logistics for a relative’s memorial Mass I was coordinating. Around that time, my mom informed me she received a call from an unknown number in Norwalk. Because I was in a sour mood, I didn’t look up the number and simply dismissed it as a telemarketer. A few minutes later, I received the news that Father Adrian was hospitalized and was in critical condition. When I learned that the cause for his hospitalization was his collapse right before Mass, I knew he had died at the scene. (collapse + delay in CPR + critical condition [usually] = death) It was not officially confirmed that he had died until 1-2 hours later when I received another phone call. I was still in my room but was now on a video call with a friend (discussing the music for the Mass). My friend got the call first so I was already mentally prepared for what was to come. I got called right after and that’s when we (my friend and I) decided to hang up and just spread the news.
I called Ken Weber.
Father Adrian had invited me to attend his parish’s 50th Anniversary concert and I did. Little did I know that he had plans for me to study under Weber’s tutelage. We had dinner with Ken Weber and Father Adrian after the concert and after Father Adrian shared that I love church music (and hinted that I may be interested in learning how to play the organ), Ken offered to give me my first organ lesson the following day. We continued lessons over Skype when Ken returned to Hawaii and Father Adrian had me provide music (on the organ) for Sunday Masses.
Me: Hi Mr. Weber, I just thought you might wanna know this... Father Adrian passed away not too long ago.
Ken: What was that, Mila?
Me: Father Adrian died
Ken: Oh no, not Father Adrian?!
Me: Yes
Ken: Oh no, oh no, no I was just there with him at his parish! Oh God no...
I told him what happened and after he learned I had not even told my parents, he had me hang up and share the news. I didn’t.
I called Alexandra Ramos. Or at least I tried.
I met her at the same concert. She was the featured soprano. Beautiful voice. I had seen her perform in the musical where I first saw Father Adrian and I was in awe. After we met, we worked together on concerts featuring Father Adrian’s music from the musicals. When that was over, she left the country to discern with an order and we lost contact. When she returned, we discovered we had a lot in common (that we had never talked about) and decided to keep in touch. Unfortunately, her return from that order left her without a personal number and we lost touch again.
I left a voice message at the answering machine instead.
I decided it was time to break the news to my family. I opened my door and walked out.
“Guys, Father Adrian died.”
There was no sugarcoating it. It was the truth. I went to each of them. My dad was in his “office”, my mom was in her “office”, and my brother was in the garage. We were all surprised and I was beginning to lose it. After they asked “San Juan? Father Adrian San Juan?” I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I burst into tears. My parents went to me and my dad pulled me into a hug - something he has never done before. After a few seconds, I pulled away and said I needed to be alone. I ran to my room and stayed there for as long as I could.
When I was finally alone, I realized that phone call from that unknown number in Norwalk was from the parish school. Father Adrian’s staff was trying to reach my mother, who Father Adrian had asked to put on his emergency contact list. I had forgotten he did that. And that’s when the guilt set in.
I never got to thank him in words for everything, especially his most recent gift when I last saw him. I told myself “I’ll wait until after this semester to properly thank him.” I didn’t know that would be too late.
My family regularly prays at 6pm but this day I could not even utter a single word of prayer. I was in so much emotional pain that I barely made it to our prayer room without nearly falling. I had cried myself into a headache (yes, it’s a thing) and vertigo. All I could think about was Father Adrian. I couldn’t believe it. Apparently I looked so bad (I did not feel well) that my mom considered taking me to the hospital.
The days that followed weren’t any easier. I thought I would be okay after the funeral (which happened a month later) but I was not. I thought I would be okay after my birthday but I was not. I thought maybe, just maybe, if I celebrated his birthday with his sisters I would be okay. I was not. I still am not okay. I poorly estimated the time I would need to grieve. (I based my estimation on my grieving period when Father Suarez had died which lasted ~90 days.)
I have a monthly calendar in my room. I am usually excited to flip the page when the month is over but I still haven’t flipped the calendar to December. It was hard enough flipping to my birth month, and then to his, but to flip to a month of the year where we made some of the most (and best) memories is a big step. I’m already two weeks in and I still haven’t flipped the page.
I have not figured out how to grieve. I typically turn to music but this year music has failed me. When Father Suarez died I listened to praise and worship until I couldn’t – this song played and I lost it while walking to work.
With Father Adrian, I can’t just listen to music. Nor can I just play an instrument or sing and grieve that way because for much of my life, Father Adrian = music. We listened to the same songs, which was pretty much everything. He used all my musical talents in some way (yes, singing, too). I tried music, but it was much too painful to have anything to do with music.
I even stopped singing at Mass. At first it was because I was always crying at Mass because I could see him celebrate the Mass I was attending. But later it was also because whenever I would sing I would hear his voice sing, too, in my head.
I haven’t exactly figured out how to grieve yet. And it also doesn’t help that I keep on pushing people away. I didn’t notice it at first but now that people keep reaching out to me it has become clear that my first instinct when faced with strong emotions is to distance myself.
A friend sent me this:
I knew all of this already; he didn’t need to tell me. But I think I needed to hear it from someone else for my heart to understand it.
There are no time constraints for grief and I shouldn’t put any on it either. It’s all in God’s time with God’s grace. Jesus knows how I feel. And I am not alone.
I have to remind myself it is normal to feel this even though it is something new to me. I am trying to accept that it is a normal feeling.
Today would have been the first day of Simbang Gabi at the Cathedral. I would have been playing violin and he would have been conducting the choir of priests for the fourth time. But, it’s 2020 and that didn’t happen. Instead I “attended” Simbang Gabi on YouTube. And they decided to share two old recordings of what I had hoped would happen.
I have to remind myself that he is easier to talk to now that he is not limited by time and space and that he now knows my heart better than I can express.
I feel ungrateful. I found it difficult to be thankful this thanksgiving after all that has happened this year even though there is physical evidence God has been taking care of me despite everything going on.
I feel angry. I feel like someone unjustly took away something that belonged to me even though I only own my decisions. I wish I had been the one to go Home first.
I feel sad. I can’t talk to him like I used to and he’s no longer just a text away. He always said “See you in the Eucharist!” and I need to remember that.
I feel weak. I often think that the sooner I do the will of God, the sooner I get to be with Him and can leave this world. I know it’s wrong to think this but I can’t help it. His death makes my journey to holiness more urgent. And I feel like I don’t try hard enough.
I guess I don’t really know how I feel right now. Maybe it’s normal to feel all these at once. I hope it is.
This was definitely a wake up call. Memento mori. (here is something I made on my birthday to try to cope)
There’s no such thing as “I’ll do it later” anymore. There’s no “after I do this thing then I’ll do it.” Whatever it is, it has to be now.
That’s what Father Adrian learned when he beat cancer (among many other near-death situations). It sucks that it took losing someone for me to actually learn this but at least I know now. If I am not actively doing God’s work, I might as well have not been born.
Alrighty, now that I’ve poured most of it out, I really need to get to studying.
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