#jung hoseok angst | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thebangtancloud · 2 years

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hi! can i pretty please request a bts reaction to when they kick you out of the car during an argument but then when he goes looking for you after coming to his senses, you're nowhere to be found? make it really angsty please i'm in the mood for heartbreak; thank u so much, ily and have a great day ahead!

He can't find you after asking you to leave during an argument ~ BTS Reactions

Genre: Heavy Angst Warnings: Curse Words, Intense arguments, The reason for the argument in Jungkook's scenarios is quite ambiguous so you can choose any situation that you like.

A/n: Since you've asked for angst ;) also struggled to come up with a scenario for joonie who can't drive, like who'd ask the driver to get out of the car LMAO

Kim Namjoon:

The car had been parked at the side of the highway, your fingers trembling because of how firmly you were gripping the steering wheel.

"What is your problem, Namjoon?" you sighed in defeat. "You've been ignoring me for the past two hours. If you have a problem with me then just tell me. You didn't need to behave as though I was invisible to you in front of everyone. That was embarrassing."

Namjoon sat quietly in the passenger seat, bouncing his leg and looking out of the window at the passing cars.

"Just tell me what's the problem," you pleaded desperately. "Namjoon, talk to me-"

He moved away from you when you reached for his hand, staring back at you through the darkness of the car.

"You," he stated simply. "You're the problem."

"What?" you whispered in shock. "What do you mean?"

"I can't believe you, (Y/n). You-" he clicked his tongue. "You're saying that you were embarrassed? You embarrassed me, (Y/n). How could you have spoken that way to my parents?"

You turned to look away, pained at the words that were falling from his mouth.

"That was so unlike you? You're never this way, and it really surprised me to see the way you were talking with them. Not in a good way, by the way."

You nodded meekly. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize it."

"There's a reason why I've not been speaking to you, (Y/n). It angered me so much because my mum was clearly upset. I didn't want to talk about this until I was calm because I know you'd get upset. I just wanted to be by myself, I'm surprised you didn't get the hint already."

At least the darkness surrounding the two of you hid your tears away from Namjoon.

"Okay, alright. We won't be home for another forty minutes, do you think you could handle being with me until then?"

He sighed deeply, turning to look away from you.

"Could you like, give me some time?"

You breathed out shakily, understanding what he was meaning to say.

"Okay."

Without another word, you opened the door and stepped out, leaving the keys and everything that you had with you back in the car. You understood that Namjoon needed to be alone for a while, and truth be told, you couldn't stand staying in the car anymore.

So with the first breath of fresh air that you took in, you let the tears fall, keeping your head low as you closed the door and walked to the other side of the road next to the bridge.

Ten minutes later, Namjoon got off of the phone with his mum. Although she was upset, she explained that after speaking with Namjoon's father who had noticed you being incredibly nervous to be meeting them for the first time, she realized that you speaking casually and oversharing was just because you were afraid.

After giving it some thought, Namjoon understood that it was only natural. He'd seen the way you couldn't sleep the night before because you'd been too scared to meet his parents, and instead of comforting you, he misunderstood your intentions and decided to take his anger out on you.

Maybe he just wanted everything to go smoothly. But at least now he could tell you that his mother didn't take it to heart. So, slipping his phone into his pocket, he opened the door of the car to call for you.

Frowning in confusion, Namjoon looked around for a few seconds in search of you, but he couldn't spot you anywhere. He walked towards the bridge so that he could have a better view, turning his head frantically in almost every direction, hoping that he'd catch sight of you.

"(Y/n)?!"

He immediately reached for his phone to call you, but you didn't answer his phone. He gulped anxiously, suddenly realizing that it was too late for you to be out alone. He walked back to your side of the car to take the keys out and lock the door when he noticed your phone on your seat.

"Shit," he cursed under his breath, grabbing both your phone and the keys before slamming the door shut, turning first to the left and then to the right side of the highway. Which way should he take? You couldn't have gone too far, but he could lose you if he took the wrong way.

"I'm sorry, (Y/n)," he mumbled to himself, deciding to go left because it was in the opposite direction of the car. You could've walked that way so that Namjoon wouldn't notice you. He touched his forehead with fingers that were trembling, his eyes glossing over with tears of fear.

"I'm so sorry, please be safe."

Kim Seokjin:

"I don't understand why you're getting so worked up about this? Like - it's my kitchen too! I can cook what I want and when I want to? Why did you have to go and tell Yoongi to 'drive some sense' into me? What is actually wrong with you?"

"I can't believe you right now," you groaned in frustration.

"I have absolutely no problem with you cooking, Jin! The problem is that you cook like we're cooking for an entire army and then the food goes to waste! You keep saying you're cooking for the boys and then you leave the food back - which you don't even put in the fridge by the way - and then by the time we're both back home from work, the food is spoilt and stinking!"

"Why are you so bothered about it?" He yelled, raising a hand in question.

"Because I pay for the groceries, Jin!"

"Then get your hands off of it! For God's sake," Jin banged his hand on the steering wheel, "I didn't think I'd get married to a mother who never stops nagging! Sometimes I just wish you would shut up!"

"You know what? I will. I thought you'd be mature enough and at least listen to me!"

"(Y/n)," he sighed, clearing his throat and holding a hand up. "Don't give me that shit. I've been listening to you for the past few years. I'm tired of it now, okay? Just... stop. Please, give me a break."

"We're supposed to work through this, Jin."

"Well, I don't want to, okay?" He snapped, turning briefly to glare at you.

"Stop nagging me like a mother!"

"Then stop behaving like a stubborn brat!" You screamed back at him.

Jin's jaw clenched in fury, driving in absolute silence for a few seconds before he reached for the indicator. He stopped the car at the side of the road, unlocking your side of the door and pointing towards it.

"Get out."

"Why should I?"

"Get out of my car, (Y/n). If you think you're so great and mighty, find your own way back home. I can't stand being with you."

"How could you be so insensitive?" You asked him in disbelief, the sun that was streaming in through the window beginning to burn the skin of your arm.

"We're almost home! Just drive back without a fuss, will you?"

"No, I won't. I don't want to be with you right now. Please, just get out."

"Jin," you gasped. "Why are you doing this?"

"Just get out already before I say something that I regret!" He exploded, leaving you dumbfounded. A sudden wave of anger overcame you, opening the door in fury and stepping out.

"Screw you, Jin!"

Slamming the door as hard as you could, you began to walk away from the car, huffing in exasperation and holding a hand over your face to shield yourself from the scorching heat. The roar of the engine behind made you scoff, turning back to see Jin taking off without a second thought.

The screech of the tires over the ground of the basement made Jin wince, aggravating the dull headache that he'd been experiencing due to the heat. After parking the car, Jin reached over to take his sunglasses and wallet from the glove compartment, when he noticed a small carton of an ORS in the corner along with a sweet that you had kept in there.

A sudden wave of concern washed over Jin, realizing that you hadn't eaten lunch because of the fight that had taken place and you'd even left the drink and the chocolate back that you'd normally carry with you on a sunny day in case you felt dizzy.

Jin played with his lip, deep in thought. He reached home in 7 minutes, and the walk back home was around twenty minutes from where he'd left you. Without any hesitation, Jin turned the car back on, driving out of the basement of the apartment complex in search of you.

It frustrated him even more that you weren't answering his calls, hoping that you'd decline his call in anger so that he'd at least know that you're okay and were conscious enough to respond that way. But it kept ringing until he reached the automated voice message that said that you were busy.

After driving around for fifteen minutes, Jin gave up and got out of his car to go looking for you on foot, with the ORS and the chocolate in his hand in case he'd find you sitting down in some place due to weakness.

"Shit, (Y/n)," he whispered dreadfully to himself, not knowing how to find you, overcome with worry and regret. Wiping away the sweat on his forehead, he bent forward and gripped his knees, trying to catch his breath.

He hoped you'd be fine. Even if you would be mad at him for the way he spoke to you, he just hoped you'd be safe and alright until he finds you.

"I'm such an idiot."

Min Yoongi:

Yoongi had been sitting alone in his car for the past twenty minutes, silently cursing himself for behaving so horribly with you. His hair was a mess from the number of times he'd pulled at it in frustration, alternating between resting his head on the steering wheel and cringing at himself and then throwing his head back against the seat to yell out in frustration.

"I'm so glad no paparazzi saw us! I don't want to be seen with you! And even if they did, who would ever think I'll date someone like you?"

To top it off, when you had suggested giving him his space, he agreed and asked you to get out of his car. You did, of course. But you didn't leave. He watched you walk away from the car and sit on the pavement of the road, waiting for him to blow off his steam. But he had to - he just had to - drive off, leaving you stranded and alone.

He regretted it not even a minute after he started driving, but his anger didn't let him turn back. So he continued driving until the words that he had spat at your face finally made sense to him.

How could he have said that to you?

Yoongi really hated that quality about himself. He knew people's weaknesses and he also knew when and exactly how to use it against them when he was blinded by anger. But never had he regretted doing what he did more than he did now, sitting alone in his car after driving around the entire evening with no sign of you.

You'd turned your phone off, and he couldn't find you in any of the places that you usually go to. He called the boys and asked them if you'd gone there, but they all said no. He had even made a trip back home in case you chose to go there, but you didn't.

So, with tears in his eyes, he decided to send you a message, knowing that even when you'd turn your phone back on, you wouldn't answer his call. But he needed you to know what he had to say.

(9:46 PM) Yoongi: Darling, I'm so sorry. I've been looking for you everywhere, but I can't find you. Please, at least tell me you're alright. I don't even mind the 'seen' under this message, as long as I know you're safe and you're reading this.

(9:50 PM) Yoongi: I didn't mean what I said, I was just...so angry. I know it's a horrible excuse, but I swear, I was only angry.

(9:51 PM) Yoongi: What you told me this afternoon surprised me so much. Never did I ever expect you to have a history with Namjoon, and the fact that I didn't know about this hurt me even more. It made me insecure, I guess. I don't know. But I really could only think about why you didn't tell me this as soon as we started dating.

(9:55 PM) Yoongi: Please, believe me, I didn't mean a single word that I said. I even hate myself for telling you to get out of the car. That was so low of me. I understand if you're hurt and you want to be away from me, but all I ask of you is to just tell me that you're okay. Please.

(10:01 PM) Yoongi: I want you to know that I love you.

(10:05 PM) Yoongi: Please, come back to me

Yoongi looked up at the night sky, feeling weak and anxious. He regretted speaking the way that he did with you. He wished he could turn back time and simply apologize to you as soon as he had spoken them, even if you would've given him the silent treatment or cursed at him or told him off, at least he'd be relieved that you were safe and in front of him.

Now he had no idea where to go. He needed to get to you, yet he didn't know how.

"I'm so sorry, darling."

Jung Hoseok:

"I don't know, hyung!" Hoseok yelled out, frantic eyes looking around in panic. "She's not here!"

"Just calm down, she couldn't have gone far. Where did you leave her?" Seokjin tried to calm Hoseok down but he too was worried, although he tried not to show it.

Both Jin and Jimin tried to calm Hoseok down a few hours ago when the two of you were fighting over something as small as who'd cook the dinner that night, but it escalated within a matter of seconds and both the boys were flabbergasted when Hoseok started telling you things he shouldn't have.

It was only natural that Hoseok would feel anxious the way he was now, especially after telling Jin over the phone that he had kicked you out of the car on the way back home because you both had gotten into another fight, and now he couldn't find you.

"I stopped near this pharmacy, I thought she'd at least be safe and could catch a cab if she decided to go somewhere, but she's not here and the guy in the store said she walked to the opposite side of the street after buying a bottle of water from here."

"You little shit," Jin cursed Hoseok under his breath. "You could think of her safety but not about her feelings?"

"I do care about her," Hoseok defended himself with a deep frown. "I don't want her to get lost or hurt."

"What about the way you hurt her, Hoba?" Jin questioned him. "What about that?"

Hoseok sighed shakily, his gaze dropping to the floor. "It's all my fault."

"Damn right."

"I need to find her, hyung," Hoseok whispered into the phone. "It's getting late, I don't want her to be alone."

"What's on the opposite side of the street?" Jin asked.

"Uh..." Hoseok squinted, not being able to read the words on the store.

"Shit, I don't have my glasses."

"Hoba, just take a breath, okay? If you're not in the right state of mind, you'll not be able to find her. Just take a breath and think of where she could go."

"What if something's happened? She tried calling me after I left but I declined the call. What if she needed me?"

Jin fell silent on the other end of the phone. He looked over at Jimin helplessly who'd been listening to the conversation with a frown on his face. Jimin shrugged, not really knowing what to do.

"Wait there for a while and keep trying to call her. Jimin and I are coming, we'll look for her together."

Hoseok nodded wearily.

"Okay, hyung."

Sitting on his haunches, Hoseok gently wiped at the sweat that was forming over his upper lip, sighing sorrowfully and shaking his head in regret.

"You're talking as if I don't do anything in the house, (Y/n)! I pay the bills and I get you things that you like in the house - that are not cheap by the way! I wash the dishes after you cook dinner and make the kitchen into a literal war zone. And now you're telling me that I sit and do nothing?"

"That's because-"

"No. No, you're wrong. I work much harder than you, my job is physically demanding and you don't seem to even bother about how tired I get! You don't even work as much as I do so the least you could do is cook us a meal without making it into a big deal! Why are you being so ungrateful?"

Hoseok groaned, tugging forcefully at his hair and letting out a tiny yell into the distance. Would he ever be able to make it up to you? He wasn't too sure, but finding you was what he needed to do first.

Park Jimin:

"You're not getting it, (Y/n)," Jimin shook his head adamantly. "I can't do that and you know it."

"You've been missing so many events and you get away with the excuse of your work, Jimin. Can't you just make it this time? I'm not even asking you for my sake, it's for your own daughter's annual day at school, Jimin. She'd feel so proud to see you in the audience."

"Look, I get what you're saying..." Jimin pursed his lips in concentration when he had to take a turn onto the highway. Looking around distractedly, Jimin scratched his eyebrow before looking at you.

"Uh... what was I saying?"

"You're not even serious about this," you rolled your eyes.

"My train of thought broke, (Y/n)," Jimin sighed. "You can't blame me for trying not to get us into an accident."

"I never said that at all."

"You didn't need to."

"Jimin, I- ugh," you groaned out loud, slapping your thighs in frustration. "You always do this! You always tell me you can't make it and I'm left to play the bad cop and break the news to our daughter that her father can't make it to someplace she wants him to be at the most!"

"You don't even understand this, do you?" He turned to look at you.

"Do you even understand that I am a part of a band? That if I don't be present during a show, how big of a deal it would be? It's not just me but my managers and staff - including the members - would have to make up an excuse for my absence. It's not just a few kid's parents who would wonder where my child's father is, it will be the whole world questioning me, (Y/n)."

"Right," you nodded, turning to look outside the window. "As if being present in your daughter's life is not big enough of a reason."

"I am present," his voice rose slightly. "What are you trying to say?"

"So you really haven't been listening to what I've been trying to say."

"Can you stop telling me I've not been listening? I am, but I'm not getting your point because it makes no sense!"

"Arguing with you is pointless, Jimin."

"Then why do you even start speaking?"

"Because, Jimin!" You threw your hands up into the air, looking across at him incredulously.

"How are you not even understanding what I'm trying to say? I just want you to come for your own daughter's annual day and not some random stranger and you can't even do that! Why should I always be the one to tell her that you can't come? Why do I always have to hear her tell me how much she hates me because she's upset you're not there?!"

"You're overreacting," Jimin scoffed. "Okay, fine, I'll tell her this time, alright? Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted?"

"For fuck's sake." You closed your eyes, shaking your head at how difficult Jimin was being.

"There's no need to curse, (Y/n). Stop behaving that way."

"I can't stand you, Jimin," you muttered under your breath.

Jimin looked at you for a moment, feeling hurt by your words. Nodding to himself, he stopped the car by the side of the road, pointing out and gesturing for you to step out of the car.

"Go ahead and get to your friend's place by yourself. If you can't stand me then there's no need for me to drive you there. Go."

"Jimin, what are-"

"Get going, (Y/n)."

You stared at him, feeling cornered under his burning gaze, nodding and deciding that you didn't have any more energy to argue with him. You took your bag and opened the door, slamming it shut and walking away without turning back.

"Thank you so much for this," Jimin whispered in a rush, placing his daughter who had fallen asleep on your friend's couch.

"No worries, should I come to help you look for (Y/n)?"

"No, no," he shook his head, sighing shakily and glancing down at his daughter. "Just stay with her until we come to get her back. Thank you once again."

"Anytime, Jimin. I hope you find her soon."

He nodded, walking out of the door. "Yeah, me too."

Jimin had given you a call as soon as he picked his daughter up from school, but you didn't answer, so he'd let it be thinking you were upset with him. But then your friend rang him up asking him why you hadn't reached her place yet, and that's when Jimin got worried.

He did leave you in the middle of the road, and he took it for granted that you'd be fine and safe as soon as he left. But now it had been five hours with no sign of you, while your phone was out of reach for the last two.

To say that Jimin was afraid would be an understatement. The look on his daughter's face when she had fallen asleep had made him feel incredibly emotional, and the fact that he didn't know where you were and if you were fine drove him crazy.

So with one last look at the window behind which his baby was sleeping, Jimin walked back to his car, wiping away the first tear that fell from his eyes.

"Please be safe, (Y/n). Wherever you are, I hope you're safe."

Kim Taehyung:

"How could you make this big of a decision without telling me, (Y/n)?" Taehyung yelled across at you who were equally frustrated.

"Taehyung, this is my life. If I decided to buy that house, then you shouldn't be questioning me. And I've been working hard every year and it's not like I've not told you I won't be buying up a place. This has been my plan all along."

Taehyung looked at you in disbelief. "Your life?"

"Yes, Taehyung."

"So I'm nothing to you?" He turned back to the road, his jaw clenching.

"Don't put words in my mouth. I never said that."

"It goes unsaid, (Y/n)!" He exclaimed, exasperated.

"This situation would only be normal if I was nothing to you! How could you even make such a huge decision without me knowing?"

"It's not like I'm moving right away," you replied, shaking your head at him. His eyes widened comically, raising a hand up in question.

"That's... not even the point? Whether you're moving in three hours or three months, the problem is that you bought a house without me knowing. And it's not even in the state, for heaven's sake! Did you not think about us when you bought the house?"

"It was a great deal, Taehyung," you sighed. "I wouldn't have found a flat at a cheaper rate if I had waited longer."

"So you're fine with us doing long distance? With the kind of work both you and I have? You'll move out of our place?" He inquired urgently.

"Why are you thinking so much? We have a lot of time to sort all of this out."

"I can't help but wonder, (Y/n)," his voice cracked, looking into your eyes with tears glistening in his own. "I don't want us to break up, and I can't help but feel like you don't feel the same anymore."

"That's not true," you disagreed, avoiding his eye. "But just like how you've made your life and lived your dreams, I want to do that too, Taehyung. I want to live...too."

"When did I ever stop you?" Taehyung asked you.

"What do you think you're doing right now?" You questioned with a raised eyebrow.

He fell silent, eyes trembling and looking straight at the road in front of him.

"You think I'm stopping you from living your dream?" He whispered dreadfully. "Is that why you didn't tell me about this?"

You looked away.

Taehyung breathed in sharply, feeling threatened and hurt. Pulling the car over at the side of the road, Taehyung got out of the car and walked to your side of the car. Opening the door, he wordlessly unbuckled your seatbelt and tugged at your hand until you were standing up.

"Go."

"Where?" You whispered.

"Go live your dreams. Do what you want. If I'm stopping you in any way, I'm not the right person for you. I'd rather be alone than be a person you can't even share this big achievement of your life with, (Y/n)."

"Taehyung..."

"No. I can't believe I've made you keep something this big away from me, only because you feel like I will stop you. You're free to go do what you need to do."

You caught his hand for a moment but he slipped it out of your grip with a shake of his head.

"Just...go."

"(Y/n)... I don't know where you've gone, but please, call me back, please. I'm sorry, okay? I won't stop you from doing anything, I promise. I just want to know where you are, and if you're safe. Let me see you once, please. Just...call me back. I love you."

Taehyung sat on the swing after looking for you for the past four hours, not knowing what went wrong. He thought you would've gone back to your parent's house, but you didn't. He called all of your friends and his but neither of them had seen you. Taehyung even went to the extent of walking to every shop that you usually buy things from, but everyone told Taehyung that you hadn't come by today.

To say Taehyung was not afraid would be a big lie. He feared that you had left the state to the house you had recently bought, and the fact that you weren't answering your phone made his heart race in regret. He couldn't bear to let you leave just like that. Not without seeing you, not without holding you and telling you just how much he loves you.

Wiping away his tears, his eyes kept running over the digits under your name on his phone, desperately hoping that you'd call him back. he just needed to know that you were alright.

"I'm so sorry, (Y/n)."

Jeon Jungkook:

"Jungkook, don't do that!" Namjoon gasped from the backseat of the car, reaching over to catch Jungkook's collar before he could get out of the car, but Jungkook was faster.

He sprinted across to the passenger side of the car, opening your door and pulling you out of the car.

"Just... go."

"Jungkook-" Namjoon got out of the car as well. "Just calm down for a second, will you?"

"I cannot stand her anymore, hyung!" Jungkook exploded. "I've had enough!"

"It's okay, Namjoon," you nodded assuringly in Namjoon's direction. "I understand."

"No," he shook his head, grabbing Jungkook by the arm who was fuming with anger.

"Get your act straight, boy. Right this instant!"

"Hyung, please don't ask me to stop. I cannot. I just cannot anymore!" He finished with a yell in your direction.

The cars in the distance were a mere blur, the three of you rendered silent with heavy puffs of breath escaping Jungkook's mouth. He continued to shoot you cold glares which you kept avoiding in guilt.

"You've crossed every fucking line this time, (Y/n)!" Jungkook screamed, reaching you in a single step and shoving an accusing finger in your face.

Namjoon walked closer to the two of you, squeezing his way in between you and Jungkook and holding a hand up against Jungkook's chest.

"Back off, Jungkook."

"She needs to back off," Jungkook's eyes never left yours. "She needs to back the fuck out of my life. I'm done with her."

"Jungkook!"

"It's alright, Namjoon," you simply pulled at his t-shirt. "I don't blame him"

"Get in the car, hyung," Jungkook seethed. "Please! Don't treat me like a child this time. Let me handle this."

"Not if you're not handling it properly."

"It's okay, Namjoon," you murmured, pushing him out of the way. He looked down at you desperately. "It's alright."

"You sure?"

"Mhm," you nodded, hoping to keep up your strong front until he went back in. "I'll be fine."

"Right," Jungkook scoffed lightly. Namjoon looked conflicted, but he touched your arm tenderly before nodding.

"I'm only a call away."

A soft smile tugged at the corners of your mouth. "I know."

And just like that, Jungkook had Namjoon in the car within a few seconds, the tires screeching over the road before the car took off, leaving you in a place you had no idea how to get out of.

"You're a fucking jerk," Namjoon cursed at Jungkook, who sat quietly after they'd parked the car outside of the company building. "She was being honest with you and that's how you treat her? Do you have any idea how difficult it must have been to open up to you?"

"Being honest at what cost, hyung? I'd rather have had her not tell me this at all!"

"Don't you think that she might've not been able to keep it from you any longer? That maybe she trusts you enough to let you in on something that has been draining her with guilt and instead of comforting her, you kicked her out of your fucking car!"

Jungkook bit his lip, knowing that Namjoon was right somewhere down the line. Maybe he did overreact, but in his defense, even Jungkook needed some time to accept the weight of your admission.

"Should we look for her?"

"It's about time you came to your senses, boy."

Three hours in and never in his wildest dreams did Namjoon think he'd have to handle a devastated boy who just wouldn't stop bawling on the pavement of the road. They'd been looking all over, but to much dismay, neither of them could find you.

Three hours was also enough for Jungkook to finally realize the depth of the words that he had so easily spat at your face in a moment of anger, and there was no other word that could describe the fear that he felt in those moments.

"Hyung," Jungkook sobbed, grabbing his own knees pitifully. "Get her back to me, please!"

Namjoon sighed wearily, running a hand across the skin of his forehead and wiping away his sweat.

"I don't know where she could've gone, Jungkook."

"Oh god, no!" He wept, shaking his head frantically. "I need to tell her that I didn't mean anything that I said!"

"She'll be fine. Just wait for a while, Jungkook. Maybe she needs some time to clear her head."

"Fuck," Jungkook cursed in regret. "I'm such a jerk."

"Control yourself, Jungkook," Namjoon winced when Jungkook slapped himself across the face. "Stop that!"

"I need to see her! I need to tell her that I'm sorry, hyung! Help me!"

With tears pricking his own eyes, Namjoon turned away and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"She'll come back when she's ready, Jungkook."

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dollfacerecs · 7 months

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— jung ⋆ ho ⋆ seok

jhs fic recommendation list by clover. 🍀 ↓

♡ = smut ; ♤ = angst ; ♧ = fluff ; ♕ = favorite

main list

♢ the strip ; ♡ || one-shot — by @hamsterclaw

⇝ cop!reader, target!hoseok // reader protecting a member for once is such a breath of fresh air like. i love their interactions n the smut is hmmm.

♢ mindless ; ♡, ♤ || one-shot — by @jungk0oksthighs

⇝ therapist!reader, patient!hoseok // i’m gonna be honest, i read this yearsssss ago and haven’t read it since. i remember it being ethically questionable but i also remember hoseok being so hot and unhinged in this

♢ pending…

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katebacks · 2 years

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Series The Bet: Haunted House - JHK

→ pairing | Jung Hoseok x Reader

→ genre | smut, angst, enemys to lovers!au

→ word count | 6,431

→ summary | Because of your friends, Hoseok thought you hated him, and you thought the same. But after they bet on spending Halloween Eve night in an abandoned house, everything changes.

→ warnings |sex, Adult content(a lot), alcoholic beverages, low slang words.

→ A/N| Please reblog and like if you liked it, Tumblr is loving to end blogs around here by cutting their visibility. DON'T DO WHAT THE CHARACTERS DID. I'm not talking about sex, if you are of legal age and want to, do it. I'm talking about going to abandoned places at night. Be careful, there are a lot of bad people in the world just waiting for a chance to hurt you. Stay safe. The house is not haunted at all, so don't worry, there's nothing terrifying about this story.

“I can’t fucking believe that we are doing this.” It must have been the fifteenth time the boy next to you had said the same sentence, it was almost like it was in a loop. And you completely agreed with him, you didn't believe you were doing such a stupid thing, mostly, you didn't believe you were heading towards an abandoned house next to Jung Hoseok, the most beautiful and most annoying man you knew. The vodka you had been drinking nonstop for two hours before getting in that car wasn't making you any more comfortable with the situation. But you had to take that bet, there was no way you were going to let your friends think you were scared to spend the Halloween night in the most famous abandoned house in town; even if you were hella scared. "Why the hell did you have to bet me too?" He took his eyes off the road for a second, staring at her and then back to the street dimly lit by the car's headlights. "Were you that desperate to be alone with me in a place, but are you so proud to say, that you had to take the two of us to an abandoned house?"

Although you sometimes wanted to beat Hoseok until he passed out, you couldn't deny how cute he was. He had that emo badboy vibe, wore dark eye makeup and painted his nails black, and wore really heavy clothes. He had that hate-filled look in his eyes, but at the same time, his expression didn't say anything. And that black hair, god you wanted to get your fingers into that hair. You weren't sure why you hated him so much, maybe it was to mask all the lust and attraction you felt for him, maybe it was the fact that you felt annoyed that you were the only one of your friends who hadn't slept with him. And you also didn't know why he hated you so much, you just knew that from the first time you saw each other, you started insulting each other.

"You can keep dreaming, Hoseok, because the only reason I bet you is to prove to everyone that you're just a scared chicken."

He snorted.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that, maybe you'll believe it one day." The two then fell silent again, the atmosphere in the car heavy, and it was so quiet outside that you could only hear the car's engine. You then started feeling anxious and rethinking the whole situation. You were going to a place in the middle of nowhere, a house hidden in the middle of the forest, in a place where no living soul had stepped in years; except of course the drunk and drugged wanderers who were likely to commit crimes and hide in the house. It wasn't a place for two young adults to go to at dawn. It was very dangerous and that's how horror movies started: with two idiots snooping around where they shouldn't.

"Okay, maybe this was a bad idea, Hoseok." He arched an eyebrow, but he didn't take his eyes off the road or said a word. "This can be quite dangerous, we don't know what we can find there." And you paused. "Perhaps we should both give up this challenge and accept whatever the punishment is."

"I'll not give up." he scoffed. "If you want wimp out, go ahead, I'll stop the car and you'll go back." He said slowing the car down, and you widened your eyes.

"Are you going to let me go back by my self? Down this deserted road?"

"Or you can just stop being a coward and finish the damn dare."

“Ugh, fine.” You crossed your arms, huffing and leaning back in the seat. "But if I die, I'm going to make your life hell,"

"If you die, I will too, honey."

And for some strange reason, you felt comfortable with the nickname.

A few minutes later, after being silent again, both saw a dirt road that entered the forest, when approaching closer, you saw a huge tree fallen to the ground, blocking the entire passage. Due to its size, you would not be able to go around it, you would have to walk from there. Hoseok stopped the car as close to the side of the road as possible, turned off the engine and both got out of the car, feeling the temperature drop instantly. You hugged your body, while the guy went to the trunk and took out a backpack. After locking the car, he was the first to jump over the tree, turning around and waiting for you. You still felt like that was a bad idea. And Hoseok knew it. He glued his eyes together and moistened his lips before speaking.

"Do you want to stay in the car?" He could see your eyes twinkling when he suggested it. And he found it adorable.

"Will you stay with me?" You had never used such a soft tone of voice with him before, and he might not admit it, but he liked it. And it would be interesting to spend the night in a car with you, but he was too proud for that.

"I'm not giving up on the challenge, (y/n). I'm staying in the house." You shook your head, your jaw quivering too much from the cold to argue, then just sighed and headed towards the tree, climbing it. When you stood on top of the fallen log, Hoseok who was on the other side, adjusted the backpack on his back and stretched his arms towards you, helping you down, and before the mood started to get weird, he started walking again down the dirt road towards the abandoned house.

The road was surrounded by giant trees that covered the sky with their leaves, not letting you see above them. It was cold down there, and the street grew dark as you went further. You could hear crickets, tree branches bumping against each other pushed by the wind, you could hear the wind whistling violently, and you could hear your heart beating in your ear. You've never been afraid of the dark, you've never had to sleep with the light on, you've never been afraid of what could be hiding in your closet or under your bed, but at that moment you were afraid of what might be lurking behind those trees.

You looked at Hoseok, and he didn't look scared at all, in fact he looked thoughtful. And focused. He was a very confident guy, he trusted himself and in his abilities, whatever he wanted, he would go out there and get it. You envied that about him. And your thoughts were interrupted when you heard something like dry branches being broken, as if someone was stepping on them, and it came from the middle of the bush. The sound made you involuntarily jump to Hoseok's side and grab his hand and his arm, both of you stopping walking as you stared at the place where the noise seemed to have come from. The boy looked at you, all curled up as you held on to him and he could only smile, that was the first time you had touched him willingly. Another sound of the same kind came from the bushes and you stifled a squeak, turning all at once towards him, bumping into his body, hiding your face in his chest, closing your eyes tightly, hugging him around the waist. You've never been so terrified, and that wasn't funny.

"Hey, it's okay." Hoseok tried to calm you down, hugging you and running his hand through your hair, not trying to push you away, just trying to reassure you that nothing was going to happen. "You're safe with me, don't worry. It's just a few branches snapping, there's nothing to fear, I promise."

"What if it's some wild animal? A bear or a wolf."

"We don't have animals in these forests, the most it can be is a stray cat, it won't hurt us." His voice was extremely calm, and smooth, and oddly enough, you were starting to calm down. You never thought that one day you would be soothed by Jung Hoseok, but at that moment, he didn't seem to hate you that much. Then you slowly lifted your head, opening your startled eyes and looking at the image of his dimly lit face, he stared back at you, bringing one of his hands to your cheek, caressing it slowly before coming to his senses and realizing what was happening. He cleared his throat and took a step back. "Let's go on, huh?" You blinked slowly before nodding, ducking your head, trying to ignore your burning cheeks. "Come on, hold my hand." He said reaching out his hand to you which you accepted quickly, letting his big hand encircle yours.

The rest of the way to the house was calm, and although you were still startled by the noises of the forest, having Hoseok's palm against yours was helping you not to lose your mind. A few minutes later, you were able to visualize at the very bottom, at the end of that road, a very humble little house. As you got closer, the feeling that something could go wrong increased. And knowing that it wouldn't do any good to ask Hoseok to come back and forget about that damn bet, you just took a deep breath, as if you were already preparing for the worst.

When you finally got to the house, you could see how deplorable it was. The wood was faded and rotten. The window panes were broken and the porch wood creaked as they stepped on it. The front door was half open, and the moonlight that had illuminated most of its way there didn't reach inside the house. Hoseok took a flashlight out of his backpack and you frowned, you didn't know people still used those things even with the advancement of technology and flashlights in cell phones. Although it was better to use up your flashlight battery than to use up your cell phone battery and not be able to call the police if you had to.

Hoseok used the tip of the flashlight to push the door open, It creaked until it hit the wall. The first thing he saw was a large living room, with two old sofas and the upholstery torn apart, a coffee table in front of it with shattered glass strewn across the floor. There was a fireplace across the room, beer bottles crammed into it, and there was also a staircase that led to the other floor of the house. Walking around, following Hoseok, you could see condom wrappers and used condoms scattered on the floor. And couldn't help but notice the strong smell of urine.

"This place is disgusting, ugh!" You complained, covering your mouth and nose with the sleeve of your sweatshirt.

"Let's take a look up there, maybe it's better than down here." Hoseok commented, walking towards the stairs, and you followed him, even knowing that in a dilapidated house like that, the floor could give way under your feet at any moment. Upstairs, there were three rooms on the left side of the hallway and one on the right, at the very end. . Only the door on the right side was closed, while the others were wide open. Those rooms were bedrooms and everything was like downstairs, dirty, with destroyed furniture, and with boards on the windows, there were broken bottles everywhere and used condoms on the floor. "This place is perfect for catching seven different types of diseases. When we get out of here we're going to have to burn our clothes and shower with disinfectant and alcohol.”

“Agreed.” Hoseok turned to you, shining the flashlight into your face, causing you to frown and use your hand to block the excessive light that was in your eyes. “Hey, what are you doing?”

"Did you just agree with me?"

"Yes, can't I?"

Hoseok raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything, despite being curious, he decided not to follow his curiosity and just turned the other way, heading towards the door at the end of the hall, it l led to a bathroom and surprisingly it was the cleanest place in the entire house. And even though it was still dusty and the sink was inside the bathtub, it was still the only place in the house you could sit on the floor, without risking touching someone's sperm or urine.

"Well, I think this is the only suitable place for us to spend the night." Hoseok said bending down, he supported the backpack on his thigh, and pulled out a blanket, unfolding it and placing it on the floor. He also took a bottle of vodka and a juice box out of his backpack, making you wonder why he was carrying those things.

"Why do you carry this stuff?" The boy looked up at you for a second before opening the bottle of vodka and taking a sip. He then extended the bottle towards you, who raised an eyebrow, there wasn't much to do there, so drinking would be your only source of entertainment. Shrugging you reached for the vodka and took a sip, grimacing as you felt the drink burning down your throat. Hoseok laughed and handed you the juice box, feeling much better after drinking it.

"I like to be prepared for any kind of situation. I can get drunk anywhere, and I can get drunk and sleep anywhere." And he smiled, patting the floor beside him, signaling you to sit next to him, and again without many options, you did, leaning against the wall and sharing the bottle of liquor with him;

Two hours had passed and the bottle of liquor was almost half full, you and Hoseok should have had half a dozen fits of laughter while drinking and talking, you had never been together this long without insulting each other or talking, and that made you curious, he actually seemed like a nice guy, so why the hell did you guys hate each other?

"Why you hate me?" You asked amid laughter, causing Hoseok who was catching his breath from his last laugh to look at you before letting out a dry laugh.

“You tell me, preppy girl, why do you think I hate you so much?”

“I have no idea.” You shrugged. "It's just that every time you look at me, I feel like your gaze will penetrate my soul or something. And you always pay so much attention to my girlfriends, but never to me." You giggled, feeling your face numb. "Fuck, my cheeks are numb."

"I don't pay attention to your friends, they chase me up and down, god, I've never seen girls as clingy as they are. It gives me the chills." Hoseok bent one leg and rested one arm on his knee, while leaving the other stretched out and leaning his head against the wall, facing the bathroom ceiling. "And I don't know why you're friends with them, they're not good company, I've seen them badmouthing you to other guys." And so he looked at you, seeing you curiously, with your mouth slightly open and eyes fixed on him. "Even for me."

"They don't do that."

"Yes they do." He laughed. "Don't be innocent, when I asked them if you were single, they told me yes, but that you would have no interest in me, and that you thought I was a junkie with no future."

"I never said that." Your voice came out louder than it should have and you instantly covered your mouth with both hands, starting to laugh, just like him. "I never said that." You whispered, turning around and crossing your legs, facing him. "Actually I think you're very talented, I went to Tequilas on Friday to see your performance and look, you're the best Rapper I've ever met."

He frowned, and because of the alcohol you didn't realize how much his eyes lit up to hear that you had watched his performance and that you liked it.

"You were there?"

"Yeah, I went with the girls, but I left before them as they told me that after the show they would meet with you and have a threesome."

“What?”

“Threesome, ya know, when three people...”

“I know what it is, babe, I'm referring to what they said. I didn't do any of that with them, I can use drugs sometimes but I never forget what I do and I don't usually do stupid things.” And he looked angry. "What other lies were those girls telling you?"

"I don't know… They talk a lot about you." You said thoughtfully, it was only then that it dawned on you that he had called you babe. "Did you just call me babe?"

"Yes babe, but stay focused, what else do these girls say about me?"

"Hmm, well they say you prefer naughty girls, said you hate the quiet ones, that they've had sex with you in several places and that you fuck really good."

“Oh, I do fuck really good but I don’t know how the hell would they know ‘cause I've never had sex with any of them.”

“And they said you said that I'm weird... and gross.” Hoseok's eyes widened and he watched you lower your head for a few seconds before lifting his chin and looking at him again, giving a wan smile. "And that's ok, everyone has the right to have their opinions..." And before you could continue, Hoseok took his hand on the back of your neck and pulled you all at once towards him, your lips collapsing in a violent kiss, where he stuck his tongue in your mouth, leaving you gasping for air. You were forced to unfold your legs and get on your knees as every second he pulled you closer and closer to him, your hands going to his hair, your fingers fulfilling a dream. And when he pulled his lips away, both with deep breaths and racing hearts, he looked into your eyes, again that look that seemed to penetrate your soul making you shiver.

"I don't think you're gross. I think you're the most wonderful, hottest woman in this town. And if every time I look at you, you feel that my gaze is penetrating you, it's because the thing I want most in this world since I laid eyes on you is to fuck you until I come inside you and make you come so hard around my dick that you would forget about any other man that had passed in your life.” And he gave you a peck, a long, hot peck. "I never even touched any of those girls, I just wanted you, I just want you." And he kissed you again, your will matching his at such a rapid rate that the next thing you knew, you were sitting on his lap, his hands squeezing your ass as your nails scratched the back of his neck. "And I don't mind if you're a quiet one, I can make you go pretty loud."

"I've never had sex under the influence of alcohol, that's weird." You chuckled between kisses. He grinned.

"What's weird?"

"The urge I have to just take these pants off and jump on your dick."

"You can do that if you want." He whispered, kissing down to her neck.

"Not here, there are already a lot of condoms scattered around this house."

"Then let's go elsewhere."

"But what about the bet?"

"Fuck this stupid bet, I just want you all over me."

You got up, staggered back, but leaned against the wall to keep from falling, laughing silly. Hoseok gathered all his things and turned on the flashlight once more, leaving the room. He waited for you to follow him and extended his hand towards you, this time you not only intertwined your fingers with his, but also grabbed his arm with your other hand, leaning on him, feeling as if your legs were jelly. Laughing as you went down the stairs, you were much more comfortable with the whole situation, no longer frightened by the creaks coming from the forest. Once again when you reached the fallen tree, Hoseok grabbed you around the waist, helping you to jump over it. Running clumsily towards the car, he unlocked the car alarm and you climbed into the backseat, undressing. The guy tossed his backpack into the driver's seat before ducking in front of the back door and looking at you. His eyes roaming every inch of your body until you were completely naked.

“Someone's eager”

“Aren’t you?” You whispered, slowly spreading your legs giving him a wide view of what he wanted most. Hoseok licked his lips and started to undress outside the car, being tall he wouldn't be able to do it in the car as quickly as he wanted, throwing his clothes on the front seats. And when he finished taking off his pants, he found a packet of condoms in his pocket, getting into his car and slamming the door behind him. Breathing so heavy he could feel his lungs working. With one knee propped up on the bench while he wore the condom, you fingered your wet space, his eyes alternating between down there and into your eyes. You then grabbed his waist, pulling him towards you. Hoseok rested his right hand on the back seat and his left hand on the passenger seat as he positioned himself, hovering over you.

And he swore as he started to get in, feeling you tighten around him, pulsing, your moans echoing throughout the car, invading his ears, making him roll his eyes and with one hand hold your neck. He started slowly, moving his hips slowly, eyes glued to your face, watching the pleasure wash over you, your lips parted, sometimes biting your lips, frowning. He also watched as you gripped the edges of the seat, your fingers sinking into the upholstery, your legs up, curling your toes, your chest pounding, your nipples hard, your body tingling, god, and it was all because of him. It was all because of his thick dick going in and out of you, hard as a rock, stretching your walls, touching your weak spots, it was all about that slim, beautiful, drawn body. It was all because of that face, those eyes upon you, the pleasure that had spread across that long, thin face. Hoseok was more than a man, he was a work of art, a piece of paradise, the male version of Aphrodite. A god who should be treated well, venerated. And you were sure you would do anything for him. You never hated him, it was all lust, desire.

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" His voice was low, lustful and inquisitive, using his thumb to caress your parted lip.

“Only you.” You whispered back, licking his thumb before taking it in your mouth. He let out a low growl, lowering his body and taking your lips in a slow kiss that turned into a fiery kiss as he increased the speed at which his hips moved, bumping against yours, the noise certainly echoed out of that car, onto that deserted street where nothing but the wind could be heard. Your voice was muffled by his mouth, but as soon as he pulled away, kissing your chest until he was sucking on your nipple, you threw your head back, slamming it against the door, your moans getting louder and louder, following the force with which he thrust. “Fuck. It feels so good.” He didn't say anything, just bit your nipple, bringing his hands to your waist, moving your hips against his so easily it was as if he controlled you body with the power of his mind. And when the first orgasm came, so suddenly, you screamed, arching your back as he continued to move, feeling you tighten around him, your pussy so wet it dripped onto the seat, wetting the leather. Hoseok hugged your body, he sat down bringing you onto his lap, burying his face in your hair as you calmed down a little, your body shaking.

"Are you okay?"

"Fuck way more than okay." You laughed, your hips starting to move involuntarily, your body burning with arousal, his cock was buried so deep inside you that you didn't know how long it would be until you were coming again. You leaned your body back, using your arms to lean on the two seats in front, wiggling your hips as you went up and down, the guy let his head fall back, eyes on you, on how your breasts swayed, at how your body danced on top of him. He licked his fingers, and while one hand went towards your breast, pinching your nipple, the other went down to your pussy, and he didn't even need to wet his fingers, as what he found down there was a puddle of water, his fingers sliding in circles over your clit. Your sly moans no longer had control, as well as your body that while riding him, was rubbing against his fingers, needing more contact, needing to release that tension. “Shit i’m com...” And you barely managed to finish your sentence, screaming as you felt your core tighten and release all at once, your body going limp, squeezing your toes and closing your eyes tightly. Hoseok held your waist, pulling your body to him again, hugging you and stroking your hair while laughing with satisfaction.

"Twice, baby? You're being so nice to me." He kissed your shoulder lightly. "Think you can get one more?"

“Fuck, yes.” You stated, pressing your lips to his and hugging him around the neck as you moved your hips again, this time starting faster and harder, with his hands cupping your ass and helping you to ride. "I want you to cum on me, Hoseok."

"If you keep moving like this, I will." And it was what you needed to increase the speed, this time you ran your hand behind your body, throwing your body back a little, holding the back of his neck while the other hand went down to his balls, massaging. And he swore, bringing his fingers to your clit again. “Fuck babe, you’re so good. On Monday we're going to do a blood test, and when we prove to each other that we're clean, I'm going to fuck you so hard and I'm going to come so hard inside you that you will be marked by me forever, fuck."

And the sweat was running down your body, as was his, glistening in the light that came from outside the car. You could feel him coming and you could feel that burning in your core, you were ready to come one more time and you wanted so much for him to fill you all over, until not a drop was left. You just wanted to be his. It was everything you ever wanted.

"Fuck, I'm...." And he grabbed your body, making you stop moving, his cock pulsing inside you, your walls feeling every inch of him, his fingers stimulating you, making you come again, this time not having the strength to move anymore, your body going numb. You hugged each other, your head on his shoulder and his against the seat, so tired and out of breath that you waited a good few minutes for either of you to say something. Who needed drugs to ease the pressure when Jung Hoseok was there to make her come?

"I think we should go back." You whispered, your face against his neck as he stroked your hair. "Everyone must be waiting for us to give up on the bet."

"Keep them waiting, bunch of assholes." he whispered back. "Those bitches made you think I didn't want anything to do with you when I really only wanted you. Let's go to my house, take a shower and rest so we can have a whole day of trick or treat, in my bed, of course." He laughed and you lifted your head, looking at him. "And if you want, of course. "

"This will be the best Halloween of my life."

#jung hoseok x reader #jung hoseok x you #jung hoseok smut #jung hoseok angst #jhope smut #jung hoseok #bts smut #jhope x reader #jhope #bangtanarmynet #thekpopnetwork #houseofddaeng

283 notes · View notes

dearly-somber · 4 months

Text

Falling | j.hs | bts

-> pairing. ex-boyfriend!hoseok x female reader

-> genre. angst, exes-to-lovers, redemption arc (I think?)

-> rating. 13+

-> w/c. 1200

-> warnings. mentions of cheating (it’s bad, don’t do it.)

-> a/n. I love it when my word counts have round numbers (you know what I mean, right? 🤡)

-> collection. songfic

-> started. Sept. 13th, 2020 @ 23:56

-> fin. ???

-> edited. Thurs., Oct. 25th, 2022 @ 21:14

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Main hoe Jiwo😌

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hey, hey!

Just got back in Gwangju!

Come by in 15 minutes so we can catch up~ 😙

attachment.jpng/selfie with hobi

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You knew that she hadn't meant any harm. But, Hoseok smiling like that again made your heart ache. You sniffed, wiping your eyes with your sleeve, cussing under your breath. "God damnit..." You sniffled, going to the bathroom to wash your face and meet up with Jiwo.

•••

Hoseok hugged his mother and father right after his sister did, smiling at them tiredly. It was one of the few breaks he got, and he would only be staying for a few weeks.

"엄마, 아빠," he smiled at them. "It's really good seeing you again."

"You too, son. We missed you." His father said with a heart-warming smile, giving Hoseok enough energy to excitedly start telling them about his most recent tour.

By the time he had finished telling them every last detail, they had sat down and Jiwo had gone upstairs to get ready for something she had refused to tell him about. He assumed that she was going out with someone, though.

Ding dong~ (insert Jungkook here)

"I'll get it!" Hobi said, springing to his feet before walking to the door. He opened it with a smile, speaking before he acknowledged the person standing before him.

"You here for—" his voice trailed off as he took you in. Your hair messily tied up, wearing one of the hoodies he had gifted you for your birthday, a pair of loose fitting trousers and sneakers. He saw the bags under your eyes, but even then, you were glowing. Brighter than the sun ever could.

You cleared your throat. "Hey, Hobi..." He flinched slightly at the nickname leaving your lips, his chest constricting painfully. Yes. It was his fault the two of you split up five months ago. But he was still torn up about it.

"Hi, Y/N." He mumbled back, watching you with dazed eyes, his mind replaying the events of five months ago.

"Y/N, wait—" Hoseok called after you, grabbing your wrist to stop you from leaving the room. You jerked your hand from his grasp aggressively, tears still streaming down your face as you bit your bottom lip to stop yourself from sobbing in front of him.

"Y/N, please! Let me explain—"

"Explain what, Hoseok? That you cheated on me?" You asked painfully, turning to him angrily. "'Cause that's what you did, Hoseok. You cheated! With some random girl at your welcome back party, that I threw for you!" You shouted, your hands flying around as you explained everything to him from your point of view.

The only point of view...

Hoseok took a step toward you, his voice raised as he replied heatedly:

"It meant nothing, Y/N! How many times do I have to tell you that? I got drunk, and she took advantage of that!"

"Then why, Hoseok, did I have to find out through your fucking sister? Why did Jiwo tell me that she was glad I wasn't mad at you? Why did Jiwo, have to tell me that her little brother cheated on me!" You screeched, pushing against his chest harshly, causing him to stumble back. You bit your lower lip as you took a deep breath, trying to regain as much of your composure as you could in this situation.

"I'm done, Hoseok." You said dejectedly, stumbling back tiredly. “This," You motioned between the two of you, "is over. We're done."

You turned around, grabbing your already packed bag and storming out of the house. Hoseok took a moment before he yelled at the top of his lungs, grabbing a nearby lamp and throwing it at the door, the glass shattering... just like his heart. He slumped down against the edge of the bed, crying into his hands.

"Y/N! You're here! Just on time, too. Let's go!" Jiwo said as she came down the stairs, hugging you tightly and turning back to Hobi. She kissed his cheek lovingly, smiling at him gently before walking off with you. "Tell mom I'll be back later! Love you!"

Hoseok nodded without really processing what his sister had told him, closing the door after a few moments of just standing there, doing nothing. "Has Jiwo gone out?" His mother asked him as he turned away from the door.

"Yeah... I'm gonna, uhm. Head up to my room. I'll be down later—"

"But lunch is ready?"

"I'm not hungry right now. I'll be out later, I promise." He kissed her cheek reassuringly before heading back upstairs, closing the door to his room before quietly breaking down.

•••

You had just dropped Jiwo off at her place, smiling apologetically at her mother for keeping her out so late.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Jung?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Could you please tell Hobi that I forgive him? That, and that I'd like to catch up with him again sometime." A sad smile played on your features. Hoseok's mother smiled kindly at you, nodding and closing the door. Leaving you outside on your own to watch your breath as it was released into the atmosphere.

With a sigh you walked back home, the crunch of snow merely background noise as you took your usual route back home.

You cooked yourself some food when you got home, washing dishes after and heading off to bed.

You scrolled through your pictures, your finger hovering over a picture you had taken of Hoseok at a fan meeting you had attended as a surprise.

He was smiling at you with a flower crown atop his head, bright and glowing with the little squirrel plushie attached to the one end of the crown making you smile.

You didn't notice the tears until you were sobbing, covering your mouth in an effort to silence your saddened cries.

You don't know how long you cried, but when there was urgent knocking on your door at god knows what time, you were out of bed and ready to kick someone in the shins.

You opened the door, only to find a tired looking, puffy eyed Jung Hoseok at your door, rubbing his arms in the freezing cold hours of morning. "Y/N..." He muttered in slight shock at your quick answer, his eyes hopeful. Before you could talk, he started talking at a rapid pace:

"Y/N, I'm so sorry for what I did. I was stupid. I loved you more than anything and still do, and if I could I would gladly change what happened that night. I really, truly am sorry and I don't expect you to want to try and reconnect immediately, but—"

You cut him off by wrapping your arms around his neck and jumping into his arms, tears streaming down your face and onto his shoulder.

"I forgive you... I forgive you, Hobi." You said softly, your voice breaking nearing the end, pressing yourself closer to him as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer.

"Now come inside, before you freeze to death."

Hearing the familiar bell sounding laugh of his lifted your spirits and brightened your heart. Oh, how much you had missed your ray of sunshine...

#jung hoseok x reader #hoseok x reader #jhope x reader #bts x reader #bts angst #jhope angst #jung hoseok angst #hoseok angst #kpop fanfiction #kpop fanfic #bts imagine #bts oneshot #bts scenario #ao3 #archive of our own #Spotify

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mirahuyooo · 1 year

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Stranded (III) | jhs

— But, darling, if you hadn’t fallen, you wouldn’t have met him—the one who’ll render you mad and drunk with his love so much that you’ll never want to find sanity again.

word count: 17,476 (PART III) contents: FluFF, skinny dipping (no spicy times tho lmao), deep talks, uncovering trauma, daddy issues, ANGSTY ANGST, y/n discovers the truth behind her abandonment, Theseus, getting drunk, violence (not really graphic), not necessarily accurate (i mixed up a lot of versions and made up some shit), a bit historical?? idk anymore, long explanation & historical refs at to be followed if you're interested, Greek Mythology AU pairing: Jung Hoseok x Reader Inspired by Dionysus and Ariadne

[masterlist] | check out [Elysian Tales] & [BTS as Greek Myth Icons]!

A/N: LAST PART, PEEPS!!! LET'S GOOO!! i hope y'all buLLETPROOF for this about to HURT right in the middle 😭😭😭 I'm so glad to have finally put this piece out here T-T it's truly a fav 💖 i hope y'all enjoy this!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓿 ◁ | END.

It was fortunate that winters don’t last long in Greece, because soon enough, the coldness thaws and spring comes to Naxos. Each day is still wound with the shenaniganry that is Hoseok, and today, he brings you back to the pool where you first met the nymphs.

The two of you had spent the day helping the nymphs with their home and making sure the trees they lived in wouldn't be disturbed by travelers or beasts alike. You, too, would have to prepare your home for the seasonal change soon, perhaps as one of Hoseok's followers to help you with renovations, so you wouldn't have to inconvenience Silenus next winter.

Before settling for the day, Hoseok invited you to come along with him to the pool to end the day relaxed, he says.

“What in the world are you doing?!"

You gasp as you see him unravel his clothes, spinning yourself away from him in an instant. Hoseok only laughs upon your averted gaze, mischief in every note of it.

His shamelessness, you find, has known no bounds the more you let yourself be dragged to his tomfoolery. He has changed, indeed. "I say we have a little dip, hm?" he muses, his words later on followed by a splash of water.

Willing yourself to not look past what the water allows you, you steal a glance and see him resurface with a grin inviting you to join him. His dark curls were swiped back by his hands, which soon led your eyes to his naked chest and carved collarbones. The setting sun dims the light within the cave, leaving the rest of him to your unhelpful imagination.

Gods help you. "I'm not bathing with you!" you squeal, scandalized by the mere thought of it (but admittedly tempted).

The expression on his face tells you just how much Hoseok was enjoying toying with you. "You dare defy the request of a god, princess?" he teasingly lilts, leisurely swimming back so as to not tear his eyes away from you.

"Don’t say it like that," you grumble, eyes still bouncing off everywhere else in the cavern but him for too long. He may be your friend, but if anyone else might hear of thi—

"I kid, (Y/N)," Hoseok assures upon noticing your furrowed brows and pout. The moment you regain your thoughts and look at him, he smiles. "But," he then muses, "some company is nice for a little swim, do you think not?"

Chewing at your lip, you mull over his words. It has been a hot time indeed, attested by the nymphs' whines and lament you've been hearing for the past few days. Has something happened to Yoongi?

You haven't been faring well with the heat either—even now—especially when the activities of the day had left you sore and sweaty. Really, you haven't much else to kill your time with either.

"I'll withhold from any funny business, I swear," Hoseok further invitingly promises, chuckling as he swims in little laps before you. "You don't have to strip either," he then muses, but then thinks to himself for a moment. "Though you would lack a spare for change."

Perhaps it was because you were bored, or because you wanted the upper hand over him for once, or perhaps it was something else entirely, but you found yourself making a rather bold move.

"Never the matter, I can—"

"Turn around…"

Hoseok's eyebrows rose sky high at your words, a fiery blush spreading across his cheeks—one that (fortunately for him) you were too embarrassed to notice. Your words came out rather quiet and weak, but it was enough for him to freeze. “I beg your pardon?” he gawked, the most shocked you've ever seen him—and you almost feel victorious. Almost.

Awkwardly, you stood there, hand reaching where your dress was held together by a pin and idly playing with it as you found the courage to speak aloud once more. "I said turn around,” you tell him, staring firmly at him into doing your bidding.

Hoseok does as you ask, still taken aback.

After leaving your dress and undergarments in a pile by a large rock, you quickly part your hair over your shoulders and drape them over your decolletage. "Don't you dare look!" you warn once more, watching him closely.

His smugness seems to have caught up with him, seeing as he was quick to go back to his teasing after hearing you say those words. "Yes, dear," he playfully sings, "come on in."

Practically envisioning the wolfish grin on his face, you resist chucking a pebble at him. You focus on the present moment, and, finally, set yourself ankle deep into the pool, hands covering your delicate parts. The water ripples at your arrival, and as you go deeper, your hair begins to float around you until you gather them back to cover your upper half.

The moment the water reaches your chin, you realize it's deeper than you initially thought, even back when you were with the nymphs. Perhaps, it's even deeper along where Hoseok is, likely leading further down and somewhere into the sea. And so, heart thrumming against your chest, you idly stay where you were, near the edge.

Hoseok's head twitches to turn around but he catches himself. "Comfortable?" He asks first, turning his head just a little—only to catch a glimpse of you holding onto one of the edges and dipping your head into the seawater to fully submerge yourself, eyes closed shut and lungs holding in as much air as you could.

Immediately, he whips his head away upon noticing you were about to resurface. "Hm?" you ask him in the midst of soothing your hair away from your face, not catching what he said.

"Are you comfortable?" he asks again, swimming a little closer with his back still towards you. "I was about to say you needn't strip but…"

It's dark enough, you decide, for him to not see what he shouldn't, so you manage a little smile. "I'll be fine," you tell him, smiling a little once he turns around. Too late to cower back now anyways.

There were still traces of the wine god's flustered shock, but he does well to steer the conversation away from awkward tension. "Feels nice, does it not?" he says as the two of you languidly circle in the shallow area of the pool. (Hoseok, you notice, doesn't go back to the deeper end. Has he taken note of your inability to swim?)

The thought brings butterflies to your stomach, but you refuse to let it distract you any further. You agreeably hum, looking up to see the sky over the overhead fissure and see the night sky coming in with its twinkling stars. A soft smile makes it to your face as you savor the serenity of the moment, sore muscles easing as you turn back to the wine god, whose eyes seem so fixated on you.

"It is relaxing, actually," you finally admit aloud, sighing blissfully as you watch the water ripple around you. "Though it'd be better to be much more prepared next time."

The wine god breathlessly chuckles, nodding along as the notion of a next time excites him. "No more surprises next time, I swear," he says, his hands raised in mock surrender, though you roll your eyes (affectionately) and know well that won't stop his future nonsense next time.

What you also know is that, at the moment, Hoseok is somber, stealing thoughtful glances your way—the two of you sharing an innocent moment in spite of the bold circumstances. In truth, you had expected a water fight by now. "What is it?" you softly ask, lingering just a little closer as your eyes fully meet.

There's a look of profound pride and joy in his eyes as he gazes down at you. "You've changed, princess," he tells you, voice soft yet it still strikes you hard enough to take your breath away.

"In a good way, I hope?" you manage to jest, dipping yourself a little lower into the seawater as if it'd do well to hide your flustered face—or do anything with the funny feeling in your belly. By now, you're side by side, shoulders and arms mere centimeters apart.

The wine god nods, turning to face you with a wistful smile. "You look happier," he gently notes, tucking a hair behind your ear as he does. "Very much a good way."

While the blush on your cheeks continue to spread like wildfire at his touch, his words plunge you into the memories of your murky past—of being that princess chained to a cruel life—and as you drown in it, you're reminded of what Hoseok actually said—of your change, your happiness that he very much was mostly the architect of. The wine god has broken a hole into the depths that drown you—given you a way out to take if you so please while he waits for you to truly leave it all behind.

You are happier—much lighter, much freer—and that brings a smile to your face. "I suppose I am," you muse, practically glowing in the wine god's eyes, "and I have you and the others to thank for it."

The warmth in Hoseok’s chest is undeniable of his utter reverence for you. "Wouldn't have done it without your trust in my shenanigans, princess," he cheekily claims in spite of his giddy heart. For his sake, he swims back and bit away from you, the two of you beginning to idly swim around until…

SPLASH!

The wine god’s boisterous laughter resonates throughout the cave as you gasp at his betrayal. "Hoseok!" you shriek, retaliating with your own beat of the water towards his direction. With the sweet, innocent moment now gone, the two of you began chasing one another around the pool.

You knew that water fight was bound to come soon.

Eventually, the swim must come to an end before you both end up like raisins, and Hoseok summons Agrios, the large cat seemingly knowing well to bring some towels for the both of you to dry yourselves with. You offer the beast lots of pats and rubs as drape the linen over your shoulders. "Thank you very much," you coo, as you sit by the little fire pit Hoseok conjures.

"I was the one who summoned him," the wine god whines, finally taking a seat next to you two. "How come I don't receive any thanks or pats?"

You laugh, taking a spare linen and reaching forth to drape it over his wet tresses. "Oh, what great magnificence, my liege," you dramatically sung your praises, "such fortune has been blessed upon this humble servant!"

Hoseok half-heartedly rolls his eyes, reaching forth to mush your cheeks together. "Only you would dare to treat me like this," he playfully grumbles as you pry his hands off.

"I thought you said this was a very good change," you grin, as you raise a brow up at him. "Would you like me to go back then?"

Fondly, Hoseok's shoulder nudges yours. "Of course not," he scoffs, resting his head on your shoulder with his damp hair tickling your skin. "You know," he then says after a moment passes, "the day I saw you, I was debating on heading here instead, but Agrios was so insistent on the beach."

You find yourself smiling even more, hands brushing through the leopard's mane as he settles to your other side. "Thank Agrios for that then," you softly muse, "and the Fates for bringing us all together."

The greater part of you knows well you would've never thought the loom of fate would weave your life this way. Behind your struggles on the new path you tread, there is solace and tender appreciation for the banter, the surprises, and the menace.

You rest your head atop his as you gaze into the fire, watching the embers that crackle into the darkness of the night. "My life now is a far cry from what I used to live," you all but ponder, eyes beginning to sting as tears pool in them.

Beside you, Hoseok gazes tenderly, his brows starting to furrow and his lips starting to frown. You haven't talked much of your old life, and he knew just the gist of it—terrible father, terrible half-brother, and terrible lover. “Why have you…” he began, mulling over his words, “Why have you not tried to run away before? If it was so suffocating for you, why did you stay in that place?”

Only then does Hoseok realize his question had been insensitive.

"It's not that easy," you say, a sharp edge to your voice that confirms his belated regrets. Whatever responsibilities you were forced to carry had obviously been heavy if it had left you this scarred.

Hoseok gives a gentle squeeze to your hand, apologetically admitting his fault. "I spoke out of line."

For a moment then, you did nothing but stare ahead with a far away look in your eyes. They carry stories he could only hope you tell him yourself. “I…” you began to say, “I felt responsible, you could say. Though I was young when my mother was cursed to do what she had done—”

“Fucking a bull?” Hoseok surmised.

You recoil at his vulgar tongue. “Yes, well…" you clear your throat, "that.”

Eyes shot wide, the wine god immediately reading his words. “Sorry,” he coughed, looking down and wiggling his toes to idle in silence, "I will say a word no longer."

Truly, when he heard of the accursed rumors while he was in Crete, he didn't think the curse was that forward. It wasn't that he found the events disgusting—he had seen and heard worse—just that he came to think of the gods' temperament. The sinner was obviously your father, and yet Poseidon had seen it fit for everyone else in your family and kingdom to also be roped into the consequences of his greed.

“I was the eldest daughter,” Hoseok hears you go on. “I felt responsible to be an exemplary figure for my sisters and for my people. I thought that if I followed what my father says, it would’ve been the best for everyone. My father is a terrifying man, after all.”

Next to him, you scoff at your naïveté. “I couldn’t have been more wrong,” you humorlessly chuckle, your gaze still so haunted and distant. “I still have nightmares of the people sent down there.”

You shiver, and though Hoseok knew it wasn't just from the night's chill breeze, he takes a drier towel and drapes the fabric around your shoulders, as you, whose mind is barely with him in the present, simply let him.

A shaky sigh leaves your lips. “I often think to myself; had father been humble the first time around and apologized to Poseidon, had he raised Asterion humanely at the very least, perhaps things would’ve gone differently,” you confess, eyes shining with unshed tears as a furrow etched itself between your brows in despair. “I always waited for that change in my father’s greedy eyes, but in the end…” you purse your trembling lips where a bitter smile forms. “I had to wait for a sword to end it all.”

At that part of the recollection, you seem to sober up a little. “Father would’ve had me killed without a second thought if I hadn't left,” your eyes flicker towards him for a moment, and Hoseok recognized fear. "I don't think he even loves me enough to spare me a second to explain myself."

In the best way he knows how, the wine god attempts to steer you away from such terrible thoughts. “Your father’s a foul man, indeed,” he agreeably hums before putting on dramatics. “Perhaps I should make him grow horns and a tail if he's so adamant about the minotaur," he goes to mischievously nudge your shoulder, "or maybe I make him think he's a bull himself! What say you, hm?”

You laugh lightly at his suggestions but shake your head, not really thinking he's serious about his words when he's playfully enacting a charging bull with his hands on his head for horns. “No need,” you hush him, “Theseus already did enough damage by killing his prized monster.”

There's a faint falter to his face following your words and it made you falter—made unease simmer in the pit of your belly. "Theseus?" he quips, "the supposed hero of the tale then, I assume?"

Hoseok's change in attitude doesn't elude you, try as he might to keep it at bay. You could only hesitantly nod. “Why such disdain?” you then ask, a nervous chuckle leaving your lips as you try and decipher his expression. He's angry, you think, but why?

He tears away from your troubled stare and faces the campfire, stoking it with a nearby branch. “Some hero he is then," his grumbled words drip with sarcasm so prickly and cold that it makes you wince as though he had directed such poisonous words to you. You've never heard or seen him like this before—jaw clenched, nose flared, and glaring at the fire.

“I beg your pardon?”

Much more to your shock, Hoseok turns to you, nose stubbornly raised high as he crosses his arms. “You heard me,” he said with much more conviction than before. “Even if he slays a dozen Minotaurs, he will never amount to a true hero in my eyes.”

His displeasure towards Theseus somehow makes your heart shatter—makes you feel stupid for some reason, too. “How can you say such things with such sureness?” you huff, defensive, “have you even met the man you are so heartlessly berating?”

Tension rapidly rushes between you both—Hoseok being offended, and so do you. “No,” he grunts, rolling his eyes, “but from what I see, he is definitely so.”

The wine god doesn't let you butt in, instantaneously laying his ground for arguments. “Leaving a young woman—a princess, mind you—alone on a desolate island to fend for herself isn’t such a heroic feat, is it?” he gritted through his teeth. “Not to mention the possibility that he must've feigned his adoration towards you in order to incite you into helping him kill the Minotaur.”

Your breath hitched, hurt by his insinuations. Theseus didn't really feign his feelings…. did he?

Hands clenching your dress in fists, you glare at your supposed friend. “It was noble of him to bring upon the death of Minotaur,” you sneer, "surely you cannot deny that?"

“Arguably so,” Hoseok scoffs, his piercing gaze pinning you down and making you feel small, “but what of him deserting you here?”

His words were a deadly blow to your heart, quickly killing any of your rebuttals in one fell swoop as that grim day flashes before your eyes all over again—the pounding headache, the empty space beside you, the derelict camp with marks of haste in the sand. The pain you've buried beneath shenaniganry crawls out of its grave to take a ghastly bite out of your aching heart.

You're a fool.

Why are you arguing with him about Theseus? Defending Theseus, no less?

Hoseok's dislike towards Theseus seemed so instant, so easy, that it came to you that maybe you had been blind after all, not seeing the folly of the hero you gave your heart to.

You're still a fool.

You breathlessly laugh with no true mirth that a laugh should have and in that instant Hoseok realizes what consequences letting his emotions get the best of him causes. Your pathetic laughing at your own downfall sends tears down your cheeks that you don't even seem to take note of. “You’re right,” you murmur your words so quietly, so defeatedly that Hoseok almost didn't hear you. “I had not known enough love from a man to have been certain that someone like Theseus would have settled for the likes of me—a princess of such a kingdom.”

You'll always be a fool.

(In truth, Hoseok's heart shatters then and there, guilt seeping in at every crack as he can't find the words to mend what pain he had subjected you to.)

Out of bittersweet reminiscing, you gestured beachwards where a tent of supplies had once been left for you. “At very least, he had the decency to leave a few supplies behind for me,” you poorly attempt to jest, “perhaps, that was enough mercy.”

Alas, the man you knew to be all smiles didn’t budge. Hoseok still gazed over you with a forlorn look on his face. His eyebrows were knitted together, with the ever growing wrinkle between them showing you nothing but frustrations. Why is he still angry?

Realizing then that you had been crying, you quickly wipe your tears away. You've embarrassed yourself. “There’s no need to be so cross with me, Hoseok,” you nudge his side, turning to the fire before you. “If I must admit it to you, I am an idiot to love.”

You feel more of the god’s ire and stare burning onto the side of your face. Was it pity for your circumstances or disdain for your lack of a fighting spirit?

You didn’t know. You didn’t like it.

Hands make themselves at home over your cheeks. Your eyes meet and you see a storm brewing in them—a part of you wanted to revel in it, while the other wanted to run for shelter.

“(Y/N)...” Hoseok began, soft yet firm, taking you aback from one of the few times he’s called you by your name. “You were wronged,” he tells you, “when will you truly tell yourself that?”

His words struck your heart, like lightning would a tree. His eyebrows were furrowed deeper, the upset frown on his face looking so misplaced. This was the storm—Hoseok��s rage for the bastard who broke you to the point where a part of you still felt at fault.

"He should be grovelling," he said with such fury, "rue the day he left you here."

Hearing such words was a validation and a painful reminder put into one. Hoseok’s words were enough to help you slay the little bitch in you that held back your fury, held you back using the tight upbringings of your father.

All this time, if not avoiding the topic overall, you would blame yourself—be it your careless trust in the prince, or your foolish assumptions of being loved by the likes of him and his people.

Your entire life has been nothing but a force of people telling you it was your fault, when it wasn’t. It wasn’t your fault your mother was cursed to consummate with the bull your father double crossed Poseidon with. It wasn’t your fault a monster was born from such a union, and your father only used it further for his greed. It wasn’t your fault Theseus didn’t keep his word and left you here to rot.

You find courage in your heart to free yourself of your shackles for the second time—(yet another set of chains that bind you, just a bit more and you're free)—and to shout into the storm instigated by Hoseok’s anger.

Then and there, sobs rack through your whole being from the hurt dawning onto you all at once. "I know," you cried, shaking fists clenching the fabric of your dress yet again. You were wronged. You were wronged. You were wronged.

Arms wrapped around you tight, resisting the initial protest you gave them. “I apologize for starting such nonsense talk,” Hoseok sighs, hands rubbing circles on the expanse of your back. "I lost control over my anger and I spoke carelessly yet again," he grits through his teeth, partly disappointed in himself, "forgive this fool and his senseless mouth."

The wine god spends a good second looking at the heartache in your face, and feels his own heart suffer. He didn't want to see you like this again and yet he had failed miserably. “Cry all you want,” he then urges you, wiping at the cheeks of your snivelling self. “Let out your pain and I’ll lend you my shoulder, hm?”

You find yourself surrendering to the comfort, starved for the warmth you’ve never been given. Head tucked in the crook of his neck, you let yourself sob in Hoseok’s arms. You have nothing but the comfort of his embrace—nothing but him.

Things don’t quite settle the same after that night.

Hoseok’s eyes have been more keen on watching you—how your smile doesn’t reach its fullest, how you’ve become absentminded, or how you’ve excused yourself from most of the gatherings he invited you to. Your heart is in pieces and you cut yourself in the shards without care. The wine god, in spite of not really being one to gently console, has gone through a lot trying to hold it back together.

Here Hoseok was, leisurely laying against the trunk of a tree as the both of you sat under the canopy of the forest well into the afternoon. Beside him sat you idly weaving together a basket—or at least trying to. Time and time again, you cast him a fleeting glance that he makes no comment of.

Eventually, you decide to break the silence yourself. “You needn’t stay here with me,” you sigh, setting your craft on hold upon your lap as your eyes set a doubtful gaze on him. “I can tell how much this bores you.”

He cocks an eyebrow, his lips tugging upwards just a smidge. “I’m not bored,” he contends, though you still look unconvinced, brows furrowed and lips held in the ghost of a frown. “Truly, I am not,” he softly insists, “I, too, can enjoy some peace and quiet.”

You watch as he lays his head onto your thigh, sharing it with the basket-to-be you now couldn’t care less about. Nonetheless, you pick the weavework up to let the wine god make himself comfortable. "Shouldn't you be spreading your influence or something of the sort?" you huff as you once again busy yourself with the basket in your hands.

Surely, you thought, a promising god making his way up the pantheon such as him would prioritize that instead of a measly mortal like you, would he not?

Instead, the deity remains content on your lap in the midst of a quaint forest like it's the throne he belongs to. "They're fine," Hoseok shrugs with careless abandon as he usually does. "My cult won't crumble so easily."

Deep in thought, his dauntless eyes are piercing as they peek up at you even when they don't mean to—the doing of his intimidating, divine presence you suppose. “Enough about me. How are you truly faring, princess?” it was his turn to ask, placing a gentle hand on your shaking ones and stopping your poor weaving when you used it to hide your face from him. “Tell me.”

Whether it was the tenderness in his voice, the ounce of authority he puts in his words, or something else entirely, you sigh and forgo the thought of lying to him. Hoseok has now sat up before you, eyes awaiting any other sign he could take from your expression alone. You know you can deny or avoid the nature of your mind no longer—how it yearns for sweet release from your past yet becomes ensnared by the scornful chains of your contempt and the many questions left unattended to. “I want to put my past behind me, I truly do,” you confess, a bittersweet smile encapsulated on your lips, “but as much I crave for that, I, too, crave for answers, for justice.”

You would do just about anything else than to endure the silence that followed, eyes unable to look at him in fear of bursting the tears you were keeping at bay.

"What do you intend to do after receiving those answers?" Hoseok says after a good minute, sending you into a silence of thinking.

Lips parting, you try to formulate words, to show that you had some resolve over this, but none came out to your need. "I…" your voice cracks as you stammer an admission, "I don't know."

All but another bittersweet smile forms at your lips, your confession leaving you helpless. "But it'd be nice to know of the truth, would it not?" you weakly muse and pathetically steal a glance at the god beside you, only to see him stare off into the trees, his mind lost to thinking of something else.

Another while passes, the wine god beside you seems to be lost in his own thoughts before he decidedly nods to himself. "Alright then," Hoseok finally turns to look at you with a smile soft and comforting, as though telling you everything will turn out alright in the end.

You stare at him, incredulous. "What?"

Wordlessly, the god stood to his feet before you. “Do you trust me, princess?” Hoseok instead asked, offering no other explanation.

You look at his inviting hand—almost glaring.

The last time someone asked you that, you took the very hand that killed the monster of your kingdom, and jumped aboard a ship to flee the treason you both committed. The last time you trusted someone, you woke up an abandoned fool.

But this was Hoseok.

Hoseok, who may have been all shits and giggles, but always looked out over your wellbeing.

Hoseok, who was a god that took you in—freed you from shackles with him and his madness.

Hoseok, who was warmth in a different way than Theseus—a hearth rather than a torch, a home rather than a beacon.

You find yourself taking his hand before you could realize it, Hoseok’s tight, comforting grip causing you to meet with his eyes. His smile softens your resolve, ultimately leading you to surrender to his grasp. “I’ll trust you,” you tell him and something shifted as you said those words—his eyes sparkled more, his smile grew wider, his expression almost fonder than before.

The sky approaching sunset bathes you both in an orange and golden light, but it almost seems to make him glow. “What an honor,” he tenderly muses, taking the hand you gave him and tucking it on his arm as he begins to lead you elsewhere.

Something in you felt like he meant the words he said so jokingly—and you like it.

"Hoseok…"

The wine god has a lot of surprises up his sleeve, you should've known better than to be shocked when he brought you to a chariot pulled by Agrios and other leopards—let alone to be flying across the sky on it. You don't know what you expected the wine god to do when you took his hand, but it certainly wasn't this.

Around you now are pristine white buildings towering over you both, and in the distance is a statue of the goddess of wisdom you had heard so much about. So late into the evening, there are few people around, and yet you bask in it anyway, wondering how lively the streets become in the daylight when everything exudes such decorum.

Athens is as beautiful as you envisioned it—a marvel to take in and a heartbreak all the same.

Whether it was the cold breeze of the night or Hoseok's touch brushing across your skin as he reaches to catch your buckling form stepping down the chariot, you shiver. The wine god, nonetheless, catches your attention, seeing much of the worry and hesitation in swimming in the pools of your eyes. “You deserve your answers, princess,” he urges as he nods towards the palace, “and I’ll make sure he pays for it.”

And so, the two of you slip to and fro around the palace halls, his powers only getting him so far since he’s never one to visit Athens long—they’re too uptight and rational, he says. The night, fortunately, aids the both of you with the time, having fewer people around to stumble across. Hoseok, all the while, uses his divinity to drive away any guards or servants who become too close to discovering your presence. Your endeavors eventually lead you both to two big oak doors, its golden handles tempting you to open them forth.

This is the king's quarters.

"Go on," Hoseok's hush voice urged from behind you as he set down a now unconscious guard that tried to halt the both of you.

Still, you stood dumbly before the doors, unsure and with no courage to be found. Are you ready to see that face again? What will you say? What will you do?

Should you barge the doors open and say 'Hello, Theseus. Why in the world did you forsake me?' or simply stand before him menacingly like the ghost he left you to become?

Should you let your rage take the mantle and scream 'How could you do this to me?!' to your heart's content or be better and steadily interrogate him?

Should you—

"It'd do you well to think twice before doing anything irrational, mortal."

In panic at the unknown presence, you snap out of your frenzied thoughts and wheel around towards the voice that held an edge to the words uttered. A woman stands tall not far from you both, clad in a white and gold with her head held high, glowing almost otherworldly.

The next thing you hear is Hoseok's own voice, dripping with shock as his back straightens. "Athena?"

Your heart drops in an instant, dread filling your veins. The goddess Athena?

The wine god held the goddess’ stare, dauntless and careless as ever. Hoseok slowly pushes you behind him and opens the doors himself with his powers, locking the doors to the bedroom once you make it inside, too. The handles jiggle, a sign of you trying to come out, but it stops soon enough.

A sigh and a shake of the head is what he receives from the goddess before him. If there was any rage, Athena hid it beneath a collected, tame facade. “You’re as troublesome as ever, Dionysus,” she drawls disapprovingly, but makes no other move. “For such a futile cause, too.”

With hands clasped behind his back, Hoseok remains in between her and the doors. “We’re simply here for answers, sister,” he modestly says, offering no harm to her subjects. “Nothing more.”

Athena’s brow quirks, knowing damn well it’s a lie. He would curse Theseus, if the exchange ever goes awry for you in any way. “If you wanted answers, I would’ve given them,” she quips, the moonlight illuminating her in such an intimidating way.

Alas, Hoseok is too brazen, too foolhardy to be intimidated. “I think she’d rather hear it from him instead,” he retorts, thinking it best for your much needed closure to face the one who broke your heart. (Only then can he truly come to lull you to love again.)

“It’ll only break her heart to know he really did abandon her.”

Such words knocked the wine god to a stupor. Athena’s face remains unreadable as she said it, but there was a gut feeling in Hoseok’s stomach that told him she was in league with the betrayal. Eyes narrowing to glare daggers at her, the wine god could feel anger rising within him. “You…” Hoseok growls, “did you have him abandon her?!”

Then and there, emotion flashed in Athena’s eyes—anger matching his own. “Do not raise your voice at me, brother,” she fires back with her own glare. “Know your place.”

Reminded of his station in the pantheon, Hoseok curses under his breath. You cannot manage to wage a war against a deity more powerful and influential than you.

Athena raises her head as she lays down her judgment of you. "She's not fit to be queen," she puts it so simply that it drags the frown on Hoseok’s lips further. "Her actions have marked her as a blood traitor. She cannot rule alongside Theseus, and so, she became an offering to you while on Naxos—a bride, perhaps."

The words render the wine god speechless. It wasn’t uncommon for travelers to give offerings to the deity of a region they stay amidst their journey. The chances of you having the same fate may have crossed his mind as a possibility once, but—

It was then that the prayer from that stormy night resurfaced.

… as told, to you, we leave a maiden of fair beauty and heart. May she make wonderful company.

You are the maiden offering, after all.

Having such a fact be confirmed to him after the two of you had been vulnerable to one another, it brews sickly guilt within him. To envision your tears and know that sorry state had been left for him, you had truly been nothing but a tool passed around—and that breaks him.

Still, looking at the grander scheme, his rage doesn’t ease. "Not fit enough to be the bride of a king, but fit enough to be the bride of a god?" a scoff leaves Hoseok’s lips as his heart beats erratically, still trying to make peace with what he had learned.

Athena only glowers, her silence enough to answer for her. The goddess doesn’t end her piece there, however. “Theseus will never love her in the way she wanted,” she says the truth and it’s cold—would’ve frozen your heart and made it shatter if you had heard them. “The people will never take it well to have their queen be the same princess who made them suffer either. She would’ve spent her life miserable here.”

“Don’t be so furious either, Hoseok,” she soon levels him with eyes knowing the truth in his heart and the meaning in his name. “I know that look,” Athena tells him, a smirk on her lips both mocking, knowing, and pitying. “If she hadn’t been abandoned, you would’ve never gotten to meet and love her yourself, won’t you, brother?”

Hoseok can’t bring himself to say anything else. The both of them knew that even if he were to deny it right here and then, he’ll only be lying to himself.

The goddess of wisdom sees it fit to end the discussion soon. "Leave," she commands the last of her words somewhat both softly and sternly. "Take her with you before the guards are alerted of your trespass."

Just as she came, the goddess vanished out of thin air, leaving Hoseok alone to his muddled thoughts. The doors behind him seem to stare back, daring him to open them to see you.

Alas, he doesn’t have the chance to ponder any longer. His heart drops when he hears shouting from inside.

The moment you realized Hoseok had sealed you within the room, you were nearly paralyzed where you stood, hands stuck on the handles as you tried to steady your breathing. Go on, (Y/N). You’ve gotten this far. Get your answers.

The room around you is grand—almost grander than yours back in Crete—as it should be for a king’s chambers, you suppose. Soon enough, however, you hear voices.

“...ow has your day been?”

Just as you anticipated, someone’s inside—Theseus. Who’s he speaki—

“It’s been alright. Brother’s letter arrived, the search is yet to be fruitful…”

No. No, it can’t be…

Every step you take, it feels as though your heart is being squeezed right before your very eyes. Your body struggles against what your curious mind wants, as if trying to protect you from whatever was taking place.

It doesn’t protect you fast enough.

Standing in the open, your eyes meet two pairs of shocked ones—Theseus and your sister, Phaedra.

The two of them stood by a vanity table, her hand atop the one he comfortably had on her shoulder. "(Y/N)?" Theseus gawks, the first to speak, eyes wide as though he couldn’t believe he would ever see you alive and in front of him ever again. It twists your heart some more.

In that instant, your brain scrambles to pick apart the scene and make sense of it. Amidst the denial desperate to reserve what’s left of the ounce of respect you had for your time together, your rage is quick to burn the last of your affections for him. You’re a fool. You’re a fool. You’re a fool.

"You seem surprised, your highness," you drawl, voice so cold and sharp that it shocks even you. "Had I truly not been in your plans for your reign, after all?"

The young king before you is eventually knocked out of his stupor, his face molding into an indecipherable stare as he steps forth, his body tense as if you were a threat. “Leave,” is all he says to you after all this time.

It's like a sword stabbed through your heart.

You look at the man you once loved—the very same man who swore to make you his and protect you now fulfill his promise to you to someone else. “You want me to leave?” you couldn’t help the bitter scoff that leaves your lips. “Some hero you are then.”

Questioning his deeds seems to be successful in getting a reaction out of him, his lips tugging to a frown and his eyes narrowing into a glare. "I slayed the Minotaur!" Theseus bellowed. "You do not have the right to insult me so."

Why did you even fall in love with this man?

"You may have been the sword that slayed our brother," you spat, body running hot with anger as your voice starts to strain the more you raise your voice, "but if it weren't for me—for my aid—you wouldn't have made it out of that labyrinth alive. You wouldn't be able to revel in the glory you're in now."

Phaedra and Theseus’ mouths gape at the fiery outburst that’s seized you, angry tears blurring your sight yet you continue your outcry. "To abandon me on that island and leave me for death," your chest heaves with pained, struggling breaths. "To go and marry my younger sister, too," you sob harder, seeing your sister avoid your eyes behind him and he shields her. "How low can your betrayal become?"

Your accusation makes Theseus flinch, but he remains thick-faced. "You weren't left for death," he denies yet again, "I was instructed to leave you there by the great goddess Athena. I have no fault in this."

The news leaves you stunned. "What?"

Theseus takes advantage of your faltering rage, readily giving you the answer you came all this way for. "I was told to leave you on Naxos as a sacrifice for Dionysus," he crossed his arms, raising his head to defiantly stare into your eyes and break your heart even more. "I’m simply being a loyal servant to my goddess."

While you had wondered once if being in Naxos with Hoseok was your new purpose in life, it never came to you that it had been the actual reason for your abandonment in the first place. Your trampled heart is thrown down an abyss you have no idea how to escape out of. The possibility of divine intervention never even came to you, always thinking to give Theseus the benefit of the doubt he never deserved.

Seeing his indifference, however, your shock was all too suddenly overcome with rage once more. You didn’t know what sort of answer you expected to hear from him, but you certainly didn’t prepare your heart for this amount of heartache. The absence of warmth from the man you used to think the world of, the discovery of your sister’s involvement, and the truth behind your tragedy—you hadn’t thought it’d be one blow to the heart after the other.

Even if he had simply been doing as he was told, it’s as if it had been a relief to have been told to leave you. Hands clenching the fabric of your dress, you try to still your beating heart—try to keep another outburst at bay. "Is that what you are then?" you say, voice hoarse and hurt, "obedient, but with no heart, no remorse for what you've done?"

Theseus fidgets once more, idly trying to reason. "I left you supplies—”

"I had no knowledge of survival!" you scream once again, words strained by the rough use and the ache. "I was trapped in that palace growing up and you did no better by leaving me helpless on that island!"

Couldn't he at least pretend to be guilty for having left you there? Couldn't he at least feign a broken heart for being forced to leave the woman he swore to love?

Yet, here he was—a prosperous king married to your dear sister.

Your sister, who knew of your fancy to the hero that snuck into your kingdom.

Your sister, who was the one to encourage you to meet him.

Your sister, who now holds the crown and title you were promised.

Another stab was taken to your heart. Two people you've trusted your love and faith to had stomped it so easily. You take yet another glance at your sister, who cowers at every word you shout yet clings onto his arm still. "Had I not been fortunate to have survived," you dare to ask, "had I died then and there, would you have felt anything for me?"

They were both silent, guilt written on their faces in a way that told you they would've likely not, had it not been for you appearing before them, proposing the concept now. "I loved you,” you whimpered, the fabric of your dress nearly ripping from how tightly you gripped them. “I loved both of you!"

Theseus, your first love turned first romantic heartbreak.

Phaedra, your beloved confidant turned treacherous thief.

Heart trampled and filled with rage, you want to charge at them, screaming and hitting to your heart's content, but you’re tired—so, so tired. Your knees give out in no time, rendering you on the ground with nothing to support you. Even your lungs seem to lose faith in you, struggling to supply you with air and leaving you light-headed by the minute as you hyperventilate through your sobs.

In your sorry state, Theseus could still only think of himself and his queen. “That’s enough, (Y/N),” he all but demands, heartless as ever over your fallen frame. “Leave or I’ll call the palace guards.”

For once, you find yourself agreeing to the Athenian king’s words. You’ve got your answers. You can’t bear to be around them any longer. Leave. You want to—

The doors burst open in a fury, capturing everyone’s attention towards the perpetrator—a certain wine god panickingly looking around the room. The moment your eyes meet with Hoseok’s, they soften for a moment before they harden yet again at the sight of your former lover and sister.

Theseus’ eyes are wide as your crestfallen form is wordlessly lifted in the air and towards the stranger who readily carries you in his arms, while you wound your arms around his neck and cry into his shoulder. The Athenian king’s heartbeat began to quicken as he realized just who this man might possibly be—the very god he left you to, Dionysus.

The queen is the only one that seems to be confused. “Theseus?”

A hand reached out to signal her to keep quiet, head humbly bowing down, as with one last glare sending shivers up their spine, the wine god leaves with you just as they had been wanting. There’s a terrible feeling settling in the pit of the king’s stomach.

They’ve incurred the wrath of a god.

Hoseok couldn't cast aside his worry, no matter how hard he tried—couldn't help but cast his worrying gaze behind him where you sat at the edge of his chariot, feet dangling in the air as Agrios and the others dragged the chariot through the air.

The night breeze brushes colder on the shoulder where your tears soaked his tunic and it all but puts more weight onto his heart. As the one manning the whole chariot, his place on it obstructs him from checking on you for too long. Since you two left Athens, he wonders if you’ve stopped crying, if you’re still with no strength in your knees, or if your cruel mind’s been repeating whatever that bastard may have said.

It was a few painful hours of silence traveling back to Naxos, but it was a safe one nonetheless. Quickly taking care of the reins and wordlessly dismissing Agrios and his siblings to rest themselves, the wine god comes to your side, hesitant to pull you from your trance, lest it summons back your tears. "Princess...?" he gingerly calls out, "We have arrived…"

Before he could place a hold on your shoulder, your body moved on its own, still not with him mentally as you nearly trip over tree roots and crash onto the ground had it not been for him catching you last minute. You seem to stop then and there, letting nearly half your weight be carried by the arm that was wrapped around your middle.

The moment Hoseok notices the slight movement of your head towards him, he seized the chance. "About what happened—"

"We shouldn't have ever come there," your hoarse voice cuts his rambling off, glistening eyes soon looking up at him. He looks back at you with furrowed brows, just as crestfallen. "I shouldn't have listened to you,” your head shakes as you try to pull away from him. ”I shouldn't have."

It wasn't a fair accusation. You knew well you asked for answers, and now that the ones you sought have trampled over your poor, unfortunate heart, your addled mind could only deny it's own fault and blame the one who only intended to help you. You're a fool, through and through.

Hoseok gives you a bit of distance, but shifts his hold onto your wrists instead, keeping you from truly running away from him. "I didn't expect the situation to go so aw—"

“Is it true?”

The wine god is interrupted yet again, and it sparks frustration within him. "What is?” he nonetheless asks, confused for a moment, until he becomes terrified at the realization that Theseus may have told you the truth of what had taken place that day.

You kept your head down, staring down at where his hands held you. “Was I…” your voice shakes, but it's so quiet he almost doesn't hear you. ”Was I really left on this island for you?”

It seems you dread hearing the truth once again, but Hoseok doesn't lie—you don't deserve any more of it. One painful truth after the other will leave you with more time to heal.

Hoseok knew he had yet to take a wife for himself, his reputation infamously paved with numerous lovers and flings just like many gods of the pantheon—especially his father, Zeus. Pairing that with his lax management of his godly duties has ended him in this tragic predicament, entangled with the strings of fate that twist your heart in its bounds and knots.

(He doesn't want to hurt you. He would never want to hurt you. He'll sit down and untangle this mess forever if he has to.)

As he swore, Hoseok tells you what he knows. "When we came around the shrine that day," he shakily began, drawing idle figures on the skin of your wrist. "I did discover a prayer about a maiden offering left for me, but I thought it’d be a coincidence for it to be you. You were left so haphazardly on the beach, I thought it was a separate incident, until…"

Hoseok could sense your chest shakingly heave before your breath hitches, bracing yourself for the next of his words.

“Athena confirmed it herself," the wine god tells you, watching as your lungs give out a big outbreath of shock and ruin that doesn’t ease your heavy heart in any way. "She saw it fit to have Theseus sacrifice you here, said you would’ve been miserable in Athens if you were to be queen as he promised.”

The thought of marriage with you in Hoseok's mind becomes bitter now that it's been soiled by such a cruel trick. No amount of wine could ever wash down the ugly mark of it. How can you love him after this?

For the first time since, you raise your head, your eyes glossy yet they seem to have run out of tears to shed. “Did he…" your words fall short of a whisper, "did he really have no protests to such orders? Did it come that easy for him to get rid of me?”

Hoseok's own heart is upset at the notion of you still letting that bastard have power over your heart, but he casts that aside in favor of your vulnerable self. All he can do now is speak his truth. “I do not know.”

You become silent then and there, slowly moving out of his grasp and he, unsure of what else to do, lets you. Hoseok's heart would burst from his chest if it could. He watches closely as you roughly wipe at your damp cheeks and forcibly draw your lips to a smile. It's bitter and, like the rest of you, unstable. “Well, the fates have certainly decided what my purpose in this world is,” you say aloud, a breathless chuckle escaping your lips.

You don’t think you can ever hate Hoseok for this—even if you did try—but in the grand scheme of things, you're a mere mortal subject to the gods, the fates, and their will. Always a pawn to someone else.

There was an obvious look of defeat and despondency in your eyes. Hoseok doesn’t like it—mourns because of it. All the time you spent together—raising your spirits, encouraging you out of your shell, and instilling confidence in you—was now all for naught, and it doesn’t help that he’s involved with the downfall of it all.

“(Y/N)...”

“It doesn’t matter now,” you’re quick to shut down any more of his attempts to comfort you, now sure that you’re bound for this misfortune in life. “I got my answers.”

Look at what it got me.

In the near distance, you see the cave that served as the roof over your head for months now—a far cry from the palace you knew, but it was everything. It was home, and now, you’re not so sure what it is exactly—if you can still think of it as a home knowing the man you found, built, and shared it with turned out to be someone you were offered and abandoned to, like an unknowing pup passed from one owner to another.

In truth, a part of you—deep down, buried under all that grief and hurt—understood Athena's intentions, and perhaps, you'll come across the acceptance for it after all the pain subsided. Alas, for now, your thoughts are becoming too loud—heartache, existential dread, and wallowing in one. Time—you need time to think, and then, perhaps, something to make your mind go numb for a couple of hours.

Decidedly, you march forth, stumbling a little as you leave the wine god where he stood. Though an apology weighs down at the tip of your tongue, all you could do is shamefully excuse yourself, eyes cast down and body fidgeting. “I’ll get myself something to drink...”

When you said those words, Hoseok indulged your need for space, he, himself, thinking it would do good to let some wine soothe the thoughts and emotions overwhelming you. Alas, it’s hours after the exchange, and by the time he entered your abode expecting you to be passed out already, you were still showing no sign of stopping. You’ll drink yourself to death, at this point. “That’s enough drinking, (Y/N),” he tuts, prying the wooden chalice and bottle from your surprisingly stubborn fingers. "You know Yoongi isn't around to give you the remedy for this."

His light jest doesn't do well to deter you. “Nonsense,” you slurred, sputtering some of the wine onto his robes as you tried to chase what he took.

You end up stumbling in his arms, and, in spite of both hands being occupied, Hoseok wound an arm around your waist to hold you up. For a second, he feels your body tense, perhaps mulling over whether to push him away from you or not, but ultimately, you mouthed no protest, too dizzy and too tired to.

The wine god finds himself beginning to understand why the rational, uptight people held great disdain for his masterpiece. Wine and other spirits numb down the drinker, merely delaying the inevitable reality they'll face, and, especially knowing the heavy reason behind your drinking, Hoseok feels upset with himself even more. “You can’t drink the pain away, princess,” he sighs, setting the wine bottle down so his now free hand can brush back the hair that stuck to your sweaty face.

Face scrunching at his touch, you whine and try to lull away from his hand. Through heavy-lidded eyes you peer up at him, almost in a glare. “But I can forget,” you stubbornly insist, a tear sliding down your cheek as your lips quiver. “I don’ know what else to do.”

There’s a frown on his lips, Hoseok could tell, and his brows are furrowed together like yours as he gently wipes his thumb across your cheek. It's easy to want to forget in a fragile time like this, and while wine can make you forget, Hoseok refused to lose you to it. He places the chalice down onto the table, ridding what keeps him from fully embracing you. "He doesn't deserve your tears," he finds himself saying those words through gritted teeth, "or your love."

You don’t seem to be clearly understanding his words, but you’ve let your head fall to his shoulder, burying it there as your hands raise to rest themselves on his chest. (If you had been a bit sober, you would’ve been aware of how fast his heart beats under your touch.)

"M' heart hurts," you all but murmured weakly against his tunic, followed by a sniffle. The words that follow fall from your lips in a dazed and defeated whisper. "Love always eludes me like this."

The wine god’s heart is clenched so tightly by your words that it leaves his face in a pained expression, as if he had actually been stricken with ichor running down his skin. If this was what you’ve come to believe, you’re sorely mistaken, and damn Theseus and everyone else for making you think in such a way. "You are loved, princess," he arduously declares, burying his head into your hair as he hugged you tighter. “Don’t ever think otherwise.”

At his words, he feels your head turning to the side where it leaves you listening to his heart. Hoseok wonders if you could tell his heartbeat’s pace is quickening now. Surely, you do, right? It’d be further testament to his proclamation—proof of the things you do to him, a god in his own right.

"I am?"

It was a quiet murmur, yet it spoke volumes of the doubt loudly seizing your head. Hoseok is crushed and you’re none-the-wiser to every crack your sadness compels onto his heart. "Mhm," he hums, pulling away so his hands can take a hold of your face as he lists the people you’ve managed to brighten up with your presence in your short time here. "Agrios, Silenus, Yoongi, Aldora, Alenka…"

Hoseok stares into your glistening eyes, a smile so soft on his lips as he sees you slowly coming back to him. For a moment, the wine god thinks to himself, whether or not to make his love known to you after all this time. I love you, such words dangle on the tip of his tongue. More than I ever thought I could love anyone else.

The faint scent of his wine on you, however, reminds him of your delirious state of mind, of how drunk it is. A waste of an opportunity to confess, he thinks. He'd rather have you fully sober when the time comes. "And me," was all he could say at that moment, but he said it with as much heart and warmth as he could muster. "We all love you very much."

(I love you. I love you. I love you.)

The wine god watches as you soften at his words, sobering a little as you take them in with a faint smile on your lips. He knows not if you’ll remember this exchange in the morning, but Hoseok hopes you can at least remember the feeling of it, and know that, even if the rest of the world shuns you, so long as he lives, Naxos will welcome you with open arms. “You best remember that, hm?” he playfully chides you, "You are loved."

Your hands gingerly snake from his chest and up to his hands where they rest upon your cheeks, replying with a gentle, meak nod. The last of your tears eased along with the spirits in your veins, the clarity of your actions the past hours now washing over a new sense of guilt onto you. "Forgive me," you softly tell him, gathering the strength to look up to meet his eyes as you did. "I was unfair 'n a nuisance," your words fall over one another, drowsiness bleeding into them as a result of exhaustion from everything that has taken place. "None of it was your fault."

The wine god earnestly thinks for a moment, as tingles travel up his arm from where you started unconsciously drawing idle circles on the back of his hand. A part of him hurts still—both of you are. “You have the right to be upset over what you just learned.” he began, one hand freeing itself from your hold only to caress your cheek. “I can only hope you'll be able to heal from it soon.”

A mellow beat of silence follows suit, as your eyes softly stare back, warm, grateful, and lost in thoughts as you mull over his words. “Thank you,” you whisper, simple words running deeper as the ghost of a smile lingering on your lips.

Encouraged by a twinkle of soft endearment in your eyes, the wine god rests his forehead against yours, savoring the moment while you let him. Hoseok doesn’t think you’re even aware of how beautiful you look in the dim moonlight like this. With lips only mere inches apart, too, the wine god thinks he's never faced such temptation ever before in his life. Practicing poise unbecoming of the wild-hearted spirit he once was, he settles for a mere kiss on the crown of your head. His lips linger there for a moment, and though he didn't want to part just yet, he does so in order to guide you towards the bed. “Sleep,” he casually urges, “you need it.”

Exhaustion easily comes to you as soon as you hit the covers, eyelids heavy as you try and keep them open. Your hand keeps its loose hold on his, a slight tug wordlessly inviting him to stay with you. "Don't leave," you tenderly say, eyes pleading with him in such a way that it effectively disarms any semblance of reason in his head.

Indulging you and himself, the wine god takes the space next to you (unlike last time). Once the blankets have been laid out over your bodies, Hoseok finally rests his head on the pillow. You face one another with your hands still interlocked together, in spite of the shy boundary existing in between the rest of your bodies.

“Good night, princess,” he quietly murmurs into the darkness of the night, thumb drawing shapes on your skin as you did his. “I’ll be right here with you.”

The moment you wake up, however, an empty space greets you.

Try as you might, the void in your heart persists as you muster the strength to sit up from the bed, the sleep weighing down your bones slowly dissipating the more your consciousness returns to the real world. The search for warmth—for his presence—was so instant, it was practically instinct.

This wasn’t the first time you woke up alone. Why does his absence bother you so?

Pieces of last night come to your mind. Athens, Athena herself, and the confrontation, make your heart hurt more for a moment, but, at the same time, the sweet words, the tender kiss to the forehead, and the comfort of his hand came to you. Though vague and a bit blurry in between, the feeling of it never escapes you, sending you furiously blushing as you bury your head into your palms.

Gods, get a hold of yourself, (Y/N).

The faint sound of music from outside soon draws your attention—a song sounding so familiar. In an instant, your brows furrow together in confusion.

Ultimately, your mind once again wanders to the wine god you spent the night crying to. You need to talk, especially now that you’re sober and a bit better with reining in your emotions. Your head pounds, a sensation you’re very much familiar with, but by some miracle, you manage to get yourself together, and head out into the world a bit presentable.

“Hoseok?” you tentatively call out, looking around the forest that surrounds your cavern for the music.

“I’m sorry to disappoint, princess.”

Heart nearly leaping from your chest, you immediately turn around towards the source of the voice and the hearty laugh you just heard—the speed of which sends a spike of pain to your head. You see Silenus, the old satyr leaning against a nearby tree with his pan flute in hand and a teasing grin. He must've been the one playing the tune. "I apologize," you stammer, flustered to have been caught in such a way. “What brings you here?”

Silenus' smile turns a bit warmer. "A little bird told me to keep watch while he's away," he knowingly says, making your heart skip a beat then and there.

Hoseok?

In spite of the dulling headache, you hold back the urge to go back inside, sleep, and simply wait till the wine god comes back. Instead, you approach the satyr, gathering strength to converse. "Where did he go?" You ask, bashful still but you waited for answers anyway.

"Somewhere," the satyr simply shrugs, and you're left with disappointment you cannot voice aloud. You settle for a seat by a protruding tree root not too far from where Silenus sat.

The moment you sat down, the old man wastes no time to strike conversation. “I heard a lot happened last night,” he hums good-naturedly. “What troubles you still, princess?”

Consciously, you think to yourself if the frown and furrowed brows had settled so naturally on your face for him to have noticed. Either way, whether it was because you needed another set of eyes on the situation, or you needed to vent out what's left of your ire, you tell Silenus the events that unfolded last night—Hoseok taking you to Athens, meeting Athena, confronting Theseus and Phaedra, and learning the truth. “I know the fault isn’t his. I just…” you eventually sigh, struggling to put your emotions into words. “I just feel toyed with?"

Life, in the end, is very much like the palace you grew up in—an elaborate game with harsh rules you must follow to survive. Yet another role was thrusted into your hands to play—a sacrifice? a scrap for the taking?

"Some part of me finds it hard to look at him the same way I once did, but at the same time…”

I'm not entirely against it—

No. You can't say that.

Beside you, Silenus nods, taking in the implications of your words in spite of you not knowing exactly what you mean to say. For once, you realize, he looks a bit more serious. "Well, the Fates toy with everyone," he eventually comes to say, "thread mingling with thread, stubborn knots ruining a patch or two, but in the end, when all the threads are cut, the loom displays the grand tapestry that bears all of the fruits of the game we played—be it good or tragic."

The talk of the Fates brings back a frown on your lips. The strands have a life of their own, full of potential and calling to one another as they’re spun, guided, and cut by each of the Fates. "What if I don't want to play the game of looms and threads anymore?" you dared to idly wonder aloud as you pulled your knees closer to you. It was an ugly thought, you know, but you've been left too exhausted to stop them from resurfacing, dreading how long Lachesis intended to pull along the thread meant for you when it’s so frayed with misery—how long you’d have to be weaved into the tapestry of humanity for before your thread finally meets Atropos' shears.

It’s the satyr who frowns this time, setting his pan flute aside. "One may unravel as a stray thread, but it's one without any other color," he wisely tells you, "without life."

You mull the words over, a bitterness coming over you now that the unkind demons got the better of you. Your part of the tapestry will be ugly anyway, it cruelly hisses—a vile comment a bigger part of you agrees with. "I play terribly with the game of life," you cross your arms over your knees as you idly look into the wilderness spanning out before you.

"Then learn to play better,” Silenus chides, meaning well but it slaps you awake all the same. “It depends on who you play with, does it not?"

Threads calling to other threads allow for millions of possibilities to take shape, lingering around one another until an ultimate choice intertwines two or more together in a game of who wins or loses with their experiences. "The Fates can give us an array of colors to entangle with and Hoseok, that silly boy," the satyr grins with a fond shake of his head, "is vibrant—a great thread and playmate to be entangled with, if you ask me."

No truer words have been said, and because it was the truth, you can't deny yours either. "But I don't understand why I can ever be entangled with him in the first place," you counter, still playing along with the thread analogy. "I'm dull compared to him."

The thread of the gods must be glowing and gilded compared to that of mortals. Even at your very best, you don't think you could ever even amount to him.

The satyr sighs, sparking shame from your conscience. "You ask too many questions, princess," he shakes his head and stares down at you. “What if that’s why you were given the chance to be entangled with him, hm?”

You gawk at the old man, preparing for a stern lecture but he maintains a softer, passionate manner. "The two of you compliment one another in many ways," he says so surely, so confidently that it flusters you. "He's wild and you're tame, and so, you teach him how to calm down while he coaxes you out of your shell."

"You both tend to forget yourselves, but look out for the other," he adds, rendering the blush on your face to be worse. "You're practically attached by the hip, too!"

Ultimately, Silenus's words leave themselves ingrained in your head and bring your butterflies to life. "He very much wants to be in your life, and you, in spite of everything else, deprive yourself of him—of all of this."

Is it really depriving?

You think to yourself if your aversion to the divine and your scars from love had indeed led you to this cruel state of mind—of depriving yourself of companionship from someone else. The more you think of it, the more the denial retaliates against the realization. You can't, right? That sort of thing would mean you lo—oh, gods. Do you really?

Seeing your eyes blown wide, lost in arguing thoughts, Silenus knocks down your doubts some more. "Would it really be so bad to play this game of life with him?" he asks, half sincere and half temptingly.

The question begs you to envision it—a life accepting your sacrifice to Naxos and living with Hoseok. When all wounds heal into fading scars and all ache lay buried beneath many happy memories, when your body is spent contently exhausted from gatherings and shenanigans, when you continue to stand at the end of Hoseok's bright, endearing smile for the rest of your life, would it truly be so terrible of a life?

“No,” the word leaves your lips whimsically, a soft smile tempting your lips at the thought of such things. “I don’t suppose it would.”

If Hoseok were to let you leave Naxos—and he undoubtedly would do it for your sake if you so desired it—then, where would you even go? Who else would you run to?

Silenus grins at you seeing the light out of the darkness. “There you have it then,” he concludes, bringing his hands together in a satisfied clap.

In spite of what's left of your emotions still left with questions unanswered, you are, nonetheless, grateful for the time he spent to impart his advice to you. “Thank you, Silenus,” you say, "and I'm sorry."

The old satyr waves it off nonchalantly, picking up his flute once again to play. This leaves you seeking your own peace and quiet to think more things through—especially that question. “I’ll be going then,” you bid him farewell, pushing yourself up from where you sat and dusting off your wrinkled dress.

It was only when Silenus noticed you were walking away from the cave instead of towards it that he spoke again. “Where are you off to?” he calls out, compelling you to turn around with a reassuring smile after recalling him saying he was here under a favor for the wine god.

“The beach,” you tell him, pointing towards a direction you knew all too well. “Just for a walk. You needn't come with me.”

You need time alone to confirm something to yourself—confirm what your true feelings for the wine god are. Silenus seemed to have understood this need for contemplation, as he simply nodded and remained where he was, readily waiting just as he had waited before you woke up.

With barely any effort, the walk to the beach easily becomes a nostalgic one. Under the canopy of towering trees that used to be so terrifying and foreign to you that stormy night, your feet now wander with a mind of its own, already knowing the path by heart. The sound of the waves that soon reach your ears pluck at your heartstrings in a beautiful melody, and the moment your shoes dip onto the sand, a shiver runs down your spine.

Months ago this was merely some island you were marooned on, and now, it’s everything to you. You know well who’s to blame for this sweet, homely feeling—who’s made it easy to fall in love with this place and hard to ever truly hate for what else it had meant.

A sigh follows one deep breath as you look at the shore, envisioning where the camp had once been—where the Fates had led your thread to meet the stranger wine god. In the struggle within your heart, acceptance was beginning to turn the tide.

Yes, this is your reality now. This is ho—

"Halt!"

Once again, the living daylights were scared out of you, and this time, your heart had reason to pound erratically. In the distance were a group of men, armed with bows and armored in leather. At first, you thought them to be hunters, but as they approached you with the arrows drawn and some with hands on the hilt of the swords on their waist, you began to see familiar faces among them.

Soldiers from Crete.

You were torn between the urge to run and the instinct to stay put, knowing well you won't get far with this many people hunting you down. The latter, however, wins as fear aids to paralyze you. You did your best to seem as collected and civilized as you could, whilst their weapons raised menacingly against you. "So you've found me," it was a surprise to you how you manage to say it so steadily and calmly in one fell swoop. Deep down, you're terribly frightened.

A beat of silence passes.

One of them, you notice, gives discreet commands to another of, what you think, a lesser rank. You're as taut as the bows drawn against you, watching intently as the aforementioned soldier leaves the scene—to rally more of their comrades, you realize.

The moment one of them breaks the silence and makes a charge towards you, you finally feel your body move in response, quickly grabbing sand and throwing it to the soldier's face. As he yelps and clutches his face, you try and make a grab for the sword that fell from his hand, but the slightest touch to the bronze blade was thwarted by a powerful force from your side that sends you flying away from it.

Harshly landing on the sand, your whole body feels on fire. Your chest burns from the half scream and half gasp that escapes you, clutching your side as the pain from the kick brings immediate tears to your eyes. No, you refuse to go down like this. Hoseok, Agrios, Silenus —You have to get back to them. You have to.

You muster all the strength to push yourself from the sand, only to be met with more weapons drawn at you. "Surely, I'm not the only one accountable for this," you sneer at them, chest still heaving. "Father better also have sent his crude soldiers to Athens."

A strong hand yanks your hair upwards, eliciting a pained scream from your mouth. "You're but a felon now," the soldier spat as your thrashing was no match for his vice strong grip. "We do not owe you respect."

Among them was a man who you recognize as a captain of the guards. He has his eyes set on you, stepping closer to tell you a news that shocks you to your core. "The king's dead, princess," he says, voice cold, eyes piercing, and hand guiding his sword to your neck as he watches your eyes widen.

Since your abandonment, you didn't really expect to be able to hear of your father's fate, but you suppose his deeds would've eventually caught up to him as he deserved it.

Two soldiers roughly held you up by either arms, caging you as their leader continued. "Shortly after you fled with the Athenian bastard, he was slain while looking for Daedalus and his son," the captain told you, digging the blade to your skin where it draws a thin red rivulet. "We are here to give him justice."

In spite of your body responding to everything with telling signs of fear—trembling frame, streaming tears, and pounding heart—you speak defiantly and just as harsh. "This is no justice!" you grit through your teeth, raising your head high to glare back at the men surrounding you. "Father's greed is to blame for his own downfall—deceiving Poseidon, getting mother cursed, and having the Minotaur ruin the innocent lives of many. They all lead back to him and you're all as blind as bats if you think otherwise!"

(It's also your father's fault that he managed to build a strong army loyal to him, and now, even in death, he makes life difficult for you.)

The captain's glare turned murderous, nose flaring. "How dare you!" He roared, raising his sword in the air as a look of horror flashed in your eyes.

In spite of your best efforts to escape—wriggling around like a madwoman, stepping harshly on their feet—it's futile, your head instinctively looking away as you wait for the blade to come.

This is it.

This is the end of you.

The wine god's eyes eagerly search for the familiar clearing, and, in his haste, the whole chariot shakes at the rough landing he had gotten himself. Hoseok sees Silenus under the tree where he left him, lips parting from the pan flute to grin at the young god. "Will you finally tell me where in the world you snuck off to this time?" The old satyr stands back on his hooves and rests his hands on his hips in a playful scolding.

"Just somewhere," Hoseok simply shrugs, but the smirk on his lips betrays the supposed casualness of his absence. In truth, he visited Aphrodite and Eros for a little favor. After all, by the wine god's rules, one can easily earn themselves just about anything if one offers great wine and drama.

(The goddess of love was surely not happy with what Theseus had done. He won't be getting any luck with love or lust any time soon—or ever.)

Never the matter, that's the least of his priorities now. “Has (Y/N) woken up yet?” Hoseok asks, wordlessly dismissing the leopards to rest from their trip—save for Agrios who decided to linger.

Silenus' smug grin brings heat to the wine god’s cheeks. “Ah, yes,” the old satyr nonetheless answers, “just a while ago. Had a lot of things on her mind, that one.”

The talk, the kiss, Hoseok immediately thinks, anticipation setting his entire being ablaze. “Where is she then?” he’s quick to ask, his eyes set on the first place he could see, the cavern.

Instead of that, however, Hoseok watches as the satyr gestures to a direction he knew all too well. “The beach,” Silenus tells him, “gone for a walk she says. If you hurry along, you two might go for a little swim together, heh?”

Hoseok could only roll his eyes at Silenus' words (though he does give the fantasy a thought or two). He wastes no time to walk forth with Agrios quietly following suit. There’s something in the air that makes his insides twist. Is it his anxiousness over talking with you again? Will you leave? Will you stay?

“I don’t look too much of an idiot as of now, yes?” the wine god jests to his spotted beast for his sake, a nervous chuckle forced past his lips. Agrios, who can’t talk in the first place, does well to give Hoseok an unimpressed look without even trying, walking ahead without being bothered by the pout the wine god gives him.

“A little support would b—”

A growl reached his ears, cutting his whine short as the sight of Agrios’ alert and defensive stance worsens the terrible feeling in his stomach. All too suddenly, the wine god’s face falls serious, realizing the leopard was glaring towards the beach. “What is it?” he whispers to the beast, cautiously approaching the beach with Agrios.

The moment he heard the pained scream and yelling, Hoseok's heart dropped.

The moment he saw a blade levied against you, Hoseok's body leapt into action.

The moment he had you at arm’s length, Hoseok's mind could only ever think of shielding you.

"(Y/N)!"

Hoseok, assured by the sight of Agrios coming to your aid and mauling any soldier who dared to come at you both, is quick to use the time to look over you as your shaken knees make you fall onto the sand. The moment he hears a whimper and sees the tears, the pounding fear in his heart gives way for rage. This allowed him to focus on what’s left of the men that surrounded you, all three currently hesitant with the spotted beast daring them to so much as take another step forward.

Hoseok is terrifying when he wants to.

"You dare come to hurt her?" he drawls, his furious presence easily towering all over them with his piercing eyes seemingly rendering them frozen where they stood. There’s been a change in the air—tense, heavy, and almost suffocating.

Though their swords and bows begin shaking in their grip, the soldiers remain headstrong in arrogance. “Our business isn’t with you,” the captain tries to negotiate, weapon still drawn. “Give us the woman and we’ll leave you be.”

The laughter that falls past Hoseok’s lips sends a shiver down even your spine. “What makes you think I’ll do as you say?” he dares them, taking another step forth.

An arrow is fired.

Whether it was done intently or instinctively by one of the soldiers, it nonetheless managed to graze Hoseok’s exposed arm and narrowly missed your head. There's a look of fear that sets in their eyes, seeing golden ichor instead of crimson blood running down Hoseok's skin from where the arrowtip struck.

In that instant, they come to realize the grave mistake they’ve made.

All of them fall to their knees, their weapons making a pathetic thud on the sand. Their lips quiver, trying to scramble strings of apologies together but they make no comprehensible noise, all as the wine god proceeds to glare down at them. If they're so bent on such filthy violence, Hoseok decided, then he'll give them the carnage they so seek.

One by one, what's left of the men began screaming, pointing at each other with madness and fear in their eyes. Their own thinking and frenzy fuel the work of Hoseok's curse upon them, and they start running around one another with their weapons drawn.

What horrifying feat befalls them at their own hands, you didn't have the chance to know (nor would you ever want to) as a figure kneels down before you. Shaking hands caress your face, gently guiding you to meet eyes with pools of endless worry. “Are you alright?” he asks, chest heaving as he did.

The most you could muster was a numb nod, thoughts still frazzled from everything that went wrong on your supposed peaceful, reflective walk on the beach. Before you was an unconvinced god, remnants of his rage seething like demons and insisting that the curse on the soldiers wasn’t enough.

That’s the least important matter at hand right now, he reminds himself. Gathering you in his arms and calling for Agrios, Hoseok doesn't waste any more time and usher you away from the scene. The moment he makes the journey towards the forest however, he feels your hand squeeze him tighter.

"Don't," you say, eyes finally seeking his, but they’re filled to the brim with fear and urgency.

Immediately concerned, Hoseok stops in his tracks. "Why?" he asks, setting you down with the intent to look over your body more closely. "Is something wrong? Are you hurt?"

Your hands tremble where they came to hold onto his arms. "No," you shake your head, looking towards the forest. "More are coming."

Hoseok dismissed the worry, no doubt ready to argue he can deal with them and so you quickly retorted. "What if they're in the forest?” you pour out the predictions you’ve constructed in your head. “What if they see the cavern and come back with even more soldiers?"

For a moment, the wine god contemplates this. Even if more do come, Olympus would have to fall first before he’d even consider the thought of letting them take you away, but right now, you need assurance and time to calm down. Looking over to the leopard in a wordless conversation, the two of them share a look of agreement and after a gentle brushing against your skirts in a comforting farewell, the big cat heads into the forest without another word.

Before you could wonder where Agrios was going, Hoseok intertwined his fingers with yours, gently tugging you along a different direction—the pool cavern.

The cavern looks as pristine as you remember, and the fond memories effectively ease your nerves. Hoseok walks over to the wooden chest you two brought here a few days around the return of spring, and fishes out a linen cloth to drape over your shoulders. "You can stay here," he tells you, as he brushes your hair back. "I'll see to it that they'll never come back here again."

Chewing at your lips, you mull over what words to say. His protection warms your heart, but the thought of being a nuisance twists it all the same. You let yourself fall forth to embrace him. "Be careful," you murmur against his chest, and he responds with a squeeze—a wordless assurance that he will, for you.

Your sole purpose here in the cavern pool was safety, and yet, you all but feel emptiness the moment the wine god leaves.

Hours passed, the sun settling high in the sky and well into the afternoon. You’ve taken a seat on the edge of the pool, your calves submerged in the water lapped by gentle ripples made by your lightly swinging feet.

It was fortuitous that the silence you’ve been given here has allowed you to do the reflecting that was cut so short by the ambush earlier on.

Before you were so rudely interrupted, you had been warming to the idea of accepting your fate to be in Naxos, and the events that had taken place had only served to further engrave the sentiment into your heart.

Have you gone mad?! You should be scared! the old part of you hisses from its derelict shell. Have you forgotten what divine wrath did to your life?

Perhaps, you have gone mad.

(What kind of sane person has a heart that skips a beat at the thought of a god cursing someone who dared to harm them, or dare to get even a little bit of satisfaction out of it?)

A new battle brews between mortification and shamelessness at your change in lens towards Hoseok. This was hardly the time for it, you remind yourself. There is much to be done with your father’s loyalist at your tail.

In spite of your best efforts, the time continues bringing your heart’s utter affection for Hoseok and everything on this island to light and clarity, and you grow all the more weary with waiting. You wonder how Hoseok was faring with the soldiers—how everyone else in the forest would be. Mortals may not truly, fatally harm gods, but they are still capable of destruction, and you’d hate for Naxos to fall into trouble if any word of your being here were to get out.

The sound of footsteps makes you jump from your skin, anxiously anticipating who would appear at the entrance with a million questions running through your mind a minute.

The moment you see Hoseok's familiar face, however, relief washes over you, so much so that tears brim your eyes. "You're back," you breathlessly whisper, having enough of your restraint left to stop yourself from pushing up from the edge of the pool and running to him.

It’s a dilemma that solves itself, however, as the wine god, himself, comes to you with a small smile. Hoseok, too, wordlessly rids himself of his shoes and sits at the edge of the pool, easing his legs into the water. "I've sent out people around the island," he informs you as gazed down at your obscure reflections in the water. "We’ve managed to capture a few, but we haven’t a clue yet if there are still others left. We'll have to wait here for news till then."

You could only nod, putting faith in his word as he’s always done his best to fulfill them.

"How are you faring?"

The question was something you expected, especially when the concern in his eyes never went away. "Well enough," you try to dismiss with an assuring smile, but a fleeting glance to his solemn face condemns you to admit just a little bit of truth. "Just a bit sore."

You carefully brush your hand to the side from when the soldier had kicked you away. There was a dull ache that spread across your torso, spiking pain if you breathed a little too deeply.

The grimace on your face as you did so doesn't elude the wine god. “I'll call over Yoongi as soon as I can,” he urgently says, about to leave his place beside you if it weren't for the hand you placed on his knee, compelling him to stay. Hoseok does as you wordlessly ask, but the furrow in his brows remain along with fleeting glances at your side.

His company alone is doing more than he can ever realize, the comforting silence doing well to ease your heart. "Thank you," you speak into the silence after a while, eyes soft with gratitude and a little something more. "For coming to my aid," you further elaborate, but soon correct yourself, "for always coming to my aid."

Hoseok's frown softens, a fond look comes with casual shrug. "I always will," he tells you like it's an absolute truth of the world.

The wine god shifts closer towards you and reaches forth, hand so tenderly on your cheek that you lean into it. His thumb rests just below your eyes, readily there to wipe away teardrops should they come. You, however, hold them back as you muster the strength to tell him what had happened. "My father's dead," you tell him with only a fleeting hint of remorse and a momentary shake. "He died pursuing the architect of the labyrinth and his son," you say, "and they were here for his just revenge."

Hoseok's eyes grew dark at the mention of the soldiers and their twisted sense of justice. "You needn't worry," he declares, "I—we won't let that happen."

The correction he makes to himself twitches your lips upward. "I know," you hum, eyes telling him of the confidence you have for his promise. Hoseok has never failed you before, and even if he didn't you wouldn't dare to hold it against him.

You rest your head on his shoulder, his hand falling onto your lap where it intertwines with your fingers. Returning your gaze to the waters, you abide the time by watching the ripples that form at every languid move of your feet. You pretend not to feel his thoughtful gaze, or feel your own butterflies as you relish idly playing with his fingers.

"(Y/N)?"

Your name falls from his lips, soft yet with a hint of hesitance. Sparing him any intimidation your eyes staring into his might bring, you simply squeeze his hand in assurance. "Hm?" you all but hum in response.

There's a beat of silence—one, two.

"Marry me."

In an instant, you lift your head from his shoulder and look at him for any signs of jesting, only to find none. Instead, you see redness spread across his face as he brings his other hand to fiddle at the lobes of his ear. He's nervous.

Gods, what about you then?! Shock doesn’t even begin to describe what you were feeling. Wha—

Hoseok is quick to sense your frenzied emotions, using the stunned silence to his advantage. “I know it’s what you’ve been left here for in the first place, and the memories of what that bastard did pains you, but I want you to marry me out of your own volition,” he practically vomits all his words, but he's fortunate your heart and mind's utter intrigue over all of this has compelled you to clung onto every word. “I want you to know that I crave to have your being next to mine, regardless of what had transpired for it to happen.”

To hear such words in such desperation, you were taken aback. It may have slid into a passing fantasy once, but it never occurred to you that Hoseok would feel this passionately for you. Gods, you didn't think he'd feel anything strong enough to actually ask for your hand!

The wine god forgoes his anxious habits and has both hands seize yours, both in an attempt to ground himself and in a plea for you to heed his confession—to listen should he never have the guts to spill his heart out ever again. “The moment your heart began to open, I all the more knew you were meant for something greater than how you were treated,” he proceeds to attest, “You're beautiful to me—most beautiful—and when I saw your tears, your grief, there was—is—a strong urge in me to bring a smile onto your face—something that told me you were much more radiant with happiness, instead of melancholy.”

The tears stinging your eyes were becoming difficult to fight back. You look at the god before you, still unsure of what to say. Every word strikes your weary heartstrings, and you could hardly breathe with how blissfully painful it is for your cruel demons.

He wants you to be his? The remnants of your old self can't take it, too skeptical to ever give in to the temptation of love.

Hoseok still tightly holds your hands in his, and you swear you could feel his palms sweating. “If you would so please be my wife, (Y/N),” he tells you, almost pleading in a way desperate mortals would. “I will do my very best to take all of your sorrows away.”

The panicked outcries of your old self—that poor, unfortunate runaway princess—falls into the abyss, only to land onto the plush, homely foundation that is the paradise of Hoseok's affections and yours.

This once-stranger, who saved you on that beach, had stayed with you on this damned island when he could've easily carried on his way.

This wine god, who made you feel worthy of love, had not only made you love him, but also love you.

This Hoseok, who you’ve known through months of splendor, loves you with all of his divine being—loves you more than Theseus ever could.

Hoseok watches as your eyes turn glossy and it all the more makes him despair. “Though I may not reign amidst those in Olympus,” his breath staggers, but determination reigns true in his eyes, “I swear that I shall treasure you and provide to you the life a goddess deserves.”

Your eyes widened even more, tears had long been falling down your cheeks. This is all too much for your heart to withstand.

No longer able to bear holding everything in, you inch closer towards him. “Hoseok, you of all people know well that my heart is in pieces,” your breath trembles. "How much it has lost faith in things such as love."

At that moment, his smile falters.

At that moment, he curses Silenus, Yoongi, and himself for ever hoping.

At that moment, he thought it was all for naught.

“But you're a warmth I will forever be grateful for,” you softly declare, caressing his cheek with a smile and shattering his thoughts. “Frankly, I don’t think you deserve someone like me. I am but a mere mortal compared to you—imperfect, broken, and still hurting,” you tell him, "will you still love me in spite of it?"

"I already do," Hoseok affirms it so ardently that it makes you breathlessly chuckle. "I love you with all of my heart. I'll give you anything," he vows, voice falling so soft you could barely hear it, "even Olympus itself."

He will seize a grand seat on Olympus, one way or another. You will lay on the softest of pillows and dress in the prettiest of silks. You will dine full and drink to your heart's content. You will be there with him and his mother in a palace, safe and sound. “That way, no one will come between us,” he asserts, claiming such a future into fruition. “No one will ever harm you again.”

Fury burned in every word he swore before you, unbecoming of the carefree, grinning man you knew him to be. "There's no need for such lengths," you tell him, eyes soft and endearing as you shake your head at him. You need not the glory of Olympus or the crown of a queen or a goddess. All you could ever ask is to be with him—be loved by him. "This mortal is already yours," you profess, "yours alone."

With a hitched breath, shock befell the wine god—as if your words were so hard to believe, as if he hadn't at all expected you to love him all the same.

Soon, however, his wide eyes are broken by a joyful grin, his senses coming to reality. He wastes no time pulling you into his arms, the motion of which sends a momentary shock of pain through you. The both of you are reminded of your aching side, and Hoseok, immediately frantic, pulls away in a hurry, clumsily sending you both into the cold water.

Damn that soldier for ruining the moment.

Resurfacing with a gasp, you find him with his wet tresses stuck to his mortified face, which compels you to fix your own wet hair. “Are you alright?!” he asks, still oblivious to his ridiculous appearance as he keeps you at an arm's length to look you over.

With the pain long gone, you couldn't help the endearing laugh that escapes your lips as you sweep his hair back from his forehead like you did yours. A soft smile becomes his wordless assurance, which slowly eases the furrow in his brows.

He then saves face by reaching out to you, this time carefully pulling you into his arms. Your legs secure around his waist and Hoseok happily spins the two of you around, the water easily allowing the both of you to float idly. You gleefully laugh once more, and he nuzzles his head into the side of your face, planting a trail of kisses in his wake. "I've been yours," Hoseok's lips tenderly swears this against your skin, pulling away to look at you with eyes twinkling brightly. "I'll always be yours."

In no time, his lips captured yours in a sweet and soft dance that sent the butterflies in your belly soaring. There's a faint, salty taste of the sea on your lips, and the grip he has around your waist tightens in the name of protectively pulling you closer. Your hands find purchase around his neck, taking the time to weave your fingers through his black tresses. Your heart racing even more as your head goes light with bliss. You could hardly think at the moment.

Hoseok, sensing your human need for air, pulls away to let you breathe, forehead resting against yours as you were left gasping. “I meant every word I said,” he then murmurs against your lips. “I’ll make you a goddess, my love.”

Your heart skipped a beat as your mind drifted to an indecipherable haze. You realize now that even without his wine, you were drunk—drunk in his love and devotion.

His fingers dance along your arms until both hands weave themselves with yours, unraveling your hold around his neck. “I will etch my name all over Greece, so much that they can no longer ignore it,” he vows, a certain maddened mischief sparking in his eyes as he raises a brow at you. “Will you join me?”

You realize then that your hands and body have been pinned against something—one of the cave's walls—as your newfound lover awaits your response. A shiver runs down your spine—an indication of thrill.

Mirroring his spirit, you grin and lean close. “Of course, I will, silly,” you muse, playfully rolling your eyes as you lean away just a little inch to look at him with such soft eyes that it makes him melt. "Wherever you go," you sweetly hum, forehead resting against his, "I'll be there, just as you have been with me."

Hoseok's grin is instant, shining brightly like the sun. "What an honor," he blissfully sings, lovingly tugging you into his arms and lips yet again.

In the loom of life, a bright thread fully weaves with a dull one, effectively making it brighter, too, and from now till eternity, they’ll be strands entangled together.

What a blessed woman you are.

𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓿 ◁ | END.

𝓽𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽: @dreamamubarak @unknownwalkingobject @park-jimin-isnt-real

#bts au #bts greek myth au #bts greek mythology au #bts imagines #bts fanfiction #bts scenarios #bts writing #bts fanfic #jung hoseok x reader #jung hoseok imagines #jung hoseok fluff #jung hoseok angst #jung hoseok imagine #bts jung hoseok x reader #bts jhope x reader #jhope x reader #jhope imagines

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sunshinejunghoseokie · 2 years

Text

Jigsaw; jhs.

—summary: Hoseok has always been torn between following the obligations of his title and the pursuits of his heart. When he spends this courting season in your company, the lines between expectation and longing are clearer than ever. He is forced to choose once and for all what means more to him: duty or love.

—pairing: Duke!Jung Hoseok x Reader

—word count: 746.

—genre: Angst. Fluff.

—au: Regency AU.

—rating: PG13.

—warnings: Angst in the forms of: The weight of having to live up to the expectations set by family, society, and self. Mutual heartbreak.

—a/n: this drabble is a part of the "superache summer" collab with the incredibly talented @pjmsdior and @joonlery inspired by the "superache" album by conan gray. This fic is based on the song Jigsaw. A very, very special thank you to @playmetheclassics for beta reading this for me and @rkivian for the stunning banner! This one is short but I hope you all enjoy it nonetheless!

“I will not lie and say that I do not hold any affection for you. I have loved you since I first laid my eyes upon you at the Gregory’s ball at the start of the season. I still remember the lavender gown you wore and the pearls you had woven into your hair.”

Your breath catches in your throat. It’s exactly what you had been hoping to hear from him. The words you had longed for him to say to you.

He loved you.

He truly loved you.

You had become content with admiring him from afar over the months, wishing that the women he danced with were you. Wishing the gloved hands, he kissed as the orchestra song faded and another began in its stead was yours.

“But…love is a luxury that I cannot afford.”

And, just like that, the air is knocked out of you.

You shake your head, hands balling into fists in the layers of lush silk and lace of your gown.

You’re thankful that the two of you are tucked into an alcove away from prying eyes and meddling members of the ton.

You want to cry, to scream out his name and beg him to forsake the fate that has long since troubled him in favor of a life at your side. To tell him that you love him but you’re scared.

Terrified.

Loving Jung Hoseok means giving him the power to break you, which was something you couldn’t protect yourself against. It was out of your control and mademade you feel like you were standing on the edge of a cliff. One wrong move - one misstep - and you would plummet to the ground below.

“It does not matter how much I may long for things to be different. No amount of wishful thinking will change my fate. I live a life bound by inescapable expectations.”

The words feel like sandpaper against his tongue.

He knew they would hurt you before he gives the words life; they would shatter whatever hope you may harbor about a future between the two of you. He knew because they had that very effect on him.

He may have once had any daydreams of retiring to the country at the end of the season with you by his side as his wife vanishes. The illusion of what could have been if only he had drawn a different lot in this lifetime were overtaken by the truths that came from bearing a title such as his.

Hoseok’s entire life has been about molding himself into the perfect heir to the dukedom he was set to inherit one day he was little more than a piece in the game of chess that members of the ton and the monarchy played for their amusement. He had a reputation to uphold, the pressure of having to one day fill his father’s shoes as Duke of Hope.

But you…

You saw him for what he was, bent out of shape and made out of broken parts, and loved him anyway. You had loved him not despite his flaws but because of them. You had become the very tether he had longed for, desperately craved but never dared to wish for. Because of you, his shadows had fallen away like dust. Discarded and forgotten as he basked in your light.

You made his messes matter and his chaos count.

You didn’t care for his title nor the societal advantages it could bring you should you wed. No, all you cared about was Hoseok.

The man, not the duke.

Despite it all, he knew that loving you would only end in heartbreak. For you, for him.

He would live each day as if he was on the outside looking in.

He would marry a woman deemed suitable for his station at his father’s request and follow that path that had been predetermined for him since his birth.

“I see.”

“I do not wish for things to be this way.” His voice cracks, splintering and caving in on itself.

“I…plead with you to understand that if nothing else you understand that what I felt…what I feel for you is real. Please understand that I love you. That you have captured my heart in its entirety.”

He takes your hand in his and brushes his thumb across your knuckles.

You meet his eyes and know that your heart will never again belong to another the way that it does to Jung Hoseok.

#btshoneyhive #btswritingcafe #bangtaninn #castlebangtan #btscarnivalnet #bts imagine #bts angst #bts drabble #bts one shot #jung hoseok imagine #jung hoseok x reader #jung hoseok #jhope #jhope imagine #jhope x reader #jung hoseok angst #jhope angst #bts #bangtan

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jvngkook97 · 1 year

Note

hello, how are you? ☺

I would like to know if there's going to be a 2no part of one night only, and if that's the case, can i be in the taglist? Thank you🥰💜

Daydream

synopsis; in which you and Hoseok take a trip together — the mushroom kind.

pairing; jung hoseok x female!reader

genre; fluff, humor, smut, one night only au, music festival au, drabble

warnings; cursing, drug use (be responsible pls), existential mind trip, sex (also be responsible) though it’s moreso implied and not explicit, and cute moments in between that include hobi and self luuuurv <3

rating; 21+ MINORS DNI

w/c; 2,278

a/n; while this is not a direct sequel, it’s more of a ‘filler chapter’ that takes place the morning after of ONO where she’s still at the music festival but before she leaves and finds out she’s pregnant (spoiler alert oops). so, really it’s just another scene of how she possibly came to be pregnant. anyways, enjoy @jeonmarti!!

Read ONO Here -> 01

The Morning After

J-Hope: wakey wakey, sleeping beauty

If I’m sleeping beauty, why didn’t you kiss me awake?

J-Hope: because that’s creepy af

I wouldn’t have minded 😉

J-Hope: well, now that I have your consent…..maybe I’ll get lucky when your sexy ass COMES OUTSIDE cause we have food

Be right there!!!

You make your way out of the bus, stretching and yawning. It’s the final day of the festival and you can feel it hitting you.

“Morning.”

Hoseok pauses in his conversation with a girl you don’t recognize, but you don’t let it phase you, what with your brain still waking up. He waves the girl goodbye and she walks off, he turns to you as you walk up in front of him.

“Hey, y/n. You still half asleep?”

“Mhmm.” You just nod your head at him, one hand of yours coming up to attempt to rub the sleep out of your eyes more.

He pulls you into a hug and you can feel his chest vibrating from a low chuckle.

“Poor thing. You gonna make it through the day?”

Fully sinking into his warmth, you close your eyes and savor it. The cool morning of the desert hits your skin and causes you to shiver, it only causes his arms to tighten around you more.

“Shhhh. Y/N isn’t awake yet. Please leave a message after the tone.”

You do not make a tone. He waits. You’re silent.

He finally speaks up.

“So, where’s–,”

And so do you.

“BEEEEEEP!”

He snorts into your hair and rubs your back. He then kisses the top of your head and releases you. You hiss at the sudden loss of warmth you were relishing in, but with one more loud yawn it helps you shake off the last bit of exhaustion in your body.

You look around at the people who are with you, scattered around the campsite, and you actually recognize some of them. It’s the rest of Pomegranate Tits as well as several others you don’t recognize, but who are clearly friends with the band.

“Oh, hey! I saw your performance yesterday! Nice job!” They all take a moment to look at you and smile in thanks. The lead singer is the one to reply for the band.

“Thank you! You’re J-Hope’s festival fling, right? You enjoy the show?”

Deep inside, you cringe at being called his ‘festival fling’, but you know it’s the truth. Might as well own it.

“Yeah, it was great!”

Hoseok comes up from behind you, and once he gets close enough he lightly hip bumps you to get your attention. When you turn to look at him, he’s holding out a granola bar in one hand and an orange in his other. He’s smiling widely.

“Your breakfast, babe.”

You take both from him, smiling yourself.

“Thanks!”

He nods his head over towards the bus and you take the hint. Waving goodbye to the group, you follow Hoseok back towards the bus, nibbling on your granola bar.

In the very back, accessible from the outside only, appears to be a little mini greenhouse of sorts. You recognize the plants and fungi that Hoseok mentioned he worked with for….medicinal purposes. However, the dried mushrooms he pulls out of a cooler now are definitely not going to be used for that.

“OoOo what are we doing with those?”

He smirks at you and holds up the bag.

“Some of the guys wanted to skip the festival today and head out to the desert to do some of these. If you want, we could join them?”

His eyes are full of hope, but you know that if you say no, he wouldn’t judge you. Lucky for him, you’re the adventurous kind of gal.

“Let’s get trippy in the desert!”

A smile threatens to split his face with how wide it is at your answer. He offers you his hand, which you take, now having a free one since finishing off your granola bar, and he leads you into the back of a jeep that one of his friends owns. Soon enough, you’re all heading off into the desert, you munching on your orange in the meantime as you watch the scenery pass by you out of the car window.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

After about an hour of driving, you hop out into a picturesque desert scene.

Hoseok walks over to you with two cups of what looks like tea, and a picnic blanket is secured underneath one arm.

“Tommy and JJ are trip sitting. I figured you and I could head off on our own.”

“Sounds good. Cheers!”

You clink your paper cup with his and down the contents. The bitter taste of the ground fungus is masked by a generous helping of lemon. Still, you scowl as you swallow.

Hoseok downs it easily, and quickly, leaving more than enough time for him to poke a bit of fun at the current expression on your face.

“Hey, that’s a cute face!”

You blow a raspberry at him as soon as the contents are done slithering down your throat.

“I see you’ve done this before.”

“Me? Nooo. Never!”

You roll your eyes and then take his hand.

“Let’s find a good spot for us.”

You and Hoseok find a nice little patch of desert sand and a beautiful, blooming cactus.

“Hey.” His voice floats through your ears.

“Huh?” You snap out of your trance of staring at the cactus to look at him. He points to the cactus.

“Don’t touch that cactus when the trip sets in, no matter how enticing it may present itself to be.” When he talks, he has a serious demeanor, but his voice is laced with a lilt of humor in it. He doesn’t want to see you get hurt, but he would be lying if he said he wouldn’t think it was a little bit funny if you did end up touching it.

“What? That cactus?” You point at it yourself with a lazy finger, then put the same finger against your lips in fake thought. “Hmm.” You tap the same finger against your lips once, twice. “I won’t.”

Your answer seems full of sincerity, he thinks, until you wink at him.

You little shit. His face deadpans.

“Y/N. Please.”

He sets up the picnic blanket and you help him smooth it down before both of you settle yourselves on top of it, now sitting on the flat layer of earth. After several minutes, you begin to think that nothing will happen, but then – something does.

The wind moves past you, rubbing against you like a cat. It’s warm and gentle and makes you giggle. Your attention then gets brought back to the cactus.

The cactus is beautiful. Such a vibrant green. It’s needles appear to be swaying in the breeze, dancing. That’s not right. Is it…fuzzy? Is it….looking at you? You steel your resolve as best you can in your current state, shaking your head.

No. You can’t. You said you wouldn’t touch it, you told him you wouldn’t.

Sitting back down next to Hoseok, you watch the swirling colors of the world as they seem to embrace you. It’s as if Mother Nature herself is wrapping you in a loving hug.

No. Maybe it’s you with your arms wrapped around yourself. You love yourself, as you should, because you are you, you are human, and you are flawed. But you are not broken.

You are perfect.

This world, this universe loves you and among the billions of stars and the billions of planets and the billions of people on this one, you are the only you. You are inimitable. You are an original. You are wonderfully and beautifully unique.

In this moment of self love and realization, you look over at Hoseok. His eyes gaze into yours and seem to be peering right through you. His hair flutters around him in a halo.

He’s beautiful.

You can’t help but smile. Hoseok is a kind soul at the end of the day, and he is so warm and gentle. You wonder if Hoseok knows he’s loved, too. You would like him to. Everyone deserves to know.

You lean into him and he leans into you. You close a distance that felt too large to begin with and feel such a deep satisfaction as your lips meet.

Warmth spreads through you and around you. It feels like you are being wrapped in a blanket. Then you realize that he’s embracing you. It’s his warmth that you feel.

Your lips meet once again, but it feels different this time. It’s so pleasant, but hot. Like taking a steaming shower that leaves your skin red. You think you might get burned, but the ecstasy that it brings you will not go away.

As you touch him, you feel a pulling against you. It’s pulling you closer in and up and down…it’s like a tide and you let it take you where it wants. You feel like as long as you are here with Hoseok, you won’t get lost.

When you cling to him tighter, nails digging into cloth and skin alike, you realize that at some point your clothes have melted off. As you gaze at him you wonder what it would be like to just be a little closer. So, you pull yourself closer and touch his bare skin in its entirety. As you do, it feels like you are melting into him and thus becoming one.

He must understand exactly what you want as he positions himself on top of you, entering you gently. Connected, you lose yourself. You feel pleasure everywhere, both inside and out. You no longer know where you end and where Hoseok begins. It is as if you are one being experiencing the most intense joy.

You love yourself, and you love him.

You close your eyes for a moment, or what feels like a moment. But when you open your eyes again, it’s night. The stars are every bit as vivid and bright as the breeze caresses your skin. The moon shines down on you both with a pale glow. You feel groggy and find Hoseok holding you in his arms, just rubbing your back soothingly in lazy circles.

“How are you feeling?” His voice is laced with a hint of sleep, but for the most part it seems like he’s been awake for quite awhile.

You clear your throat before you speak, it feels dry.

“A little thirsty, but–”

Your eyes take in every inch of his face as you softly say your next words, it coming out almost breathlessly.

“–really happy. I don’t know why, I just feel…elated.”

A hint of a smile dances across his lips.

“I know exactly what you mean. I’m glad I got to share this experience with you.”

He helps you to your feet and the two of you head back to the car to depart for the night, fixing your clothes and gathering your supplies in the process. When you arrive to the car, your trip sitter hands you both a bottle of water that you both chug down, gratefully. Then, you all pile back in and head back to the camp.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

In front of his bus, the bright headlight beams illuminate your figures in the background. The hum of the bus’s engine serves as the only noise to fill the silence between you. You hold your car keys in hand.

“So, are you heading out of town?” You ask, though you already know the answer. Still, a sliver of you hopes he’s willing to stay with you longer. But that quickly gets crushed into sand, just like the sand that tickles your ankles as it gets carried by the night desert wind.

“Yeah.” He trails off, scratching the back of his neck. He tries his best to keep his eyes on yours, but underneath your intense gaze, they quickly get directed to everywhere but you. “I’m chasing music festivals. Gotta get across the country for the next one pretty much. But–,”

This time, he finds the courage to keep your gaze, his hand falling to his side as he nervously fidgets with one of his belt loops. A soft smile appears.

“–I’m glad to have met you at this one, y/n.”

You smile back, with warmth, reply sincere.

“Same here.”

Stepping closer, you lean up to press one final kiss to his already puckered lips. Both of your eyes close to savor this last moment. When you open your eyes again, preparing to step back, his hands find the small of your back to pull you in again for another round.

This kiss is full of passion, it’s full of warmth, but at the same time somehow more gentle than the last had been.

A bittersweet goodbye kiss.

Without another word, you successfully pull away from him and try to lighten the sullen mood with a playful wink. And with that, you turn and wave at him as you begin your trek to the parking lot, his own hand comes up in a silent wave, but stays still.

Making it back to your car, you start the engine and buckle up. Turning on the radio and rolling the windows down as you pull out of the parking lot and onto a dark, desert highway, the cool wind in your hair, you let out a sigh of content.

Carrying only the memories of an amazing weekend, you flip the rear view mirror up, refusing to look back.

If only you knew then, what you know now.

Maybe,

just maybe,

you would’ve turned right back around and gotten him to stay.

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vminity21 · 2 years

Text

Dream With Me | jhs

Pairing: actor!hoseok x female!reader, f2l!au, school!au

Word Count: 25,517

Genre: angst/smut/fluff

Warning(s): mega-angst, profanity, unrequited love, mistaken betrayal, mention of an accident, dirty talk, smut, fingering, clit play, oral (m + f receive), smutty kissing, unprotected sex, nipple play, m!dom, slight f!dom, driver roll up the partition please thats it thats the hint it took me years to write this story and some intense editing also there is a surprise guest featured from nct 127 Rated: 18+

Summary: Your secret crush on Jung Hoseok develops into an unexpected friendship because of your encouragement that fueled him to follow his dreams. His feelings for you bloom, but when a strong misunderstanding leads to losing touch, you cope with the immense heartbreak as best as you can. Life has a funny way of leading you to where you belong. Despite the new love interest you have found once the years pass, the man you have loved since you were eight years old seems to find his way back and now you must fight for what it is you truly want.

Credit to: @yoonoclock for creating the perfect cover!

{24}

Tears drip in warm trails off your cheeks when the click of the front door signifies the leaving of Jaehyun. Admitting you are in love with someone else is already hard enough, but the pain of losing someone whom you thought would understand is more overwhelming than you could have possibly imagined. Conversation involving a famous talk show murmurs in the background, but the volume is not enough to drown out the sniffles now pressing onto the back of your hand while your entire frame shudders. Eventually, you plan to reach out to Jae in hopes of reconciling at least a friendship because it is what he deserves, and his heart is in the right place despite the pain you caused.

It is the face on the television screen that captured your heart for sixteen long years and the roller coaster of emotions encircling your chest tightens, producing a lump at the back of your throat as you swallow roughly. The movie premiere has officially been released, and the world has gone feral for the seven men seated before the interviewers who have asked questions the entire time as expected. But it was the words that one of the actors said that confirmed what you needed to know, and when you froze with the remote almost slipping from your hand, you knew that you were still in love with him, and your now ex-boyfriend Jaehyun could tell in your eyes that there is no turning back.

There was a fight that prompted Jaehyun to leave, but he was aware from vague communications that you and the actor in the interview had a history. A long history of almost unrequited love, or so you assumed, to reconnecting in the most unexpected way, but before things could get out of hand this time, you did confront Jaehyun in a warning that maybe things weren’t meant to be, but he convinced you to stay because sometimes everybody goes through their spells of doubt. But, when it came to Jung Hoseok, there were never any doubts.

It’s him.

It was always him. And, when answering a question involving inspiration as to why Hoseok chose the career path he is on- the words you had spoken to him back in high school were repeated, and your heart turned with the longing that never dimmed. You love Jaehyun, and that was never a lie; he unknowingly helped you through a tremendous heartbreak that ultimately revealed to be a misunderstanding that still leaves you humiliated to reminisce upon. And even now, standing within the living room of your home, you no longer can take it; sauntering to the kitchen table, you scoop up your car keys, slipping on your shoes, there is only one destination in mind. Locking the door behind you, the crisp air of the evening that wafts along your face is a reminder of the tears still wanting to fall, and when your car roars to life, your vision adjusts past the tears, and you turn out of the driveway on a mission.

A mission to find some form of healing.

10 years earlier…

{14}

Sunshine reflects off the bleachers enough to cause your eyes to squint toward your notebook where you sketch enough doodles to realize you have not made a dent in your homework. How can you? The pang of a soccer ball bounces off a shoe into the air- kicked with intense force to cause your wandering eyes to view the anger now contorting the player’s expression. His lips stay in a firm pink line, but the dew from the earlier rain unexpectedly slips him onto his back while cocky laughter reverberates beyond the field. Heart turning with sadness, you remain hidden within your favorite spot, though even from a distance, you can see evidently that his feelings are hurt.

“C’mon, Hoseok, you can’t make the team!” Kevin, the most raucous bully of the school clutches at his stomach overdramatically while his posse looms behind him. “You can barely make the tennis team! You’re in over your head, man,” and with that, they scurry off, shoving into each other’s shoulders as if they have accomplished the funniest gig when really, the most they have accomplished is the nausea rearing within your stomach. And, as much as you want to take a stand for the boy now swiping at his clothes, you shyly hold back continuing to seem hidden high up on the bleachers where he never seems to notice you exist.

Here is where you wait until your father comes to pick you up; unless it is overwhelmingly crowded, you tend to wander off in the opposite direction. You will hide within the room where the drama club meets to practice their lines. It may be halfway into your first year of high school, but you have successfully memorized every aspect of the school building, and while the memory dissipates, you cuddle your notebook to your chest when you watch the lanky kid spit out sentences of curse words before swinging his arm around in a mimic of punching someone.

Hoseok is not the only one who has had his fair share of Kevin. It was elementary school when you first became acquainted with the two, and the memory still haunts you at times to this day:

“Piggy! Piggy! You’re a chubby piggy!” Kevin would, for lack of a better term, romantically sing to you, side stepping a full circle around you to where you would feel cornered. At eight years old, you were slightly on the chubby side though by nine years old you slimmed up, but on that particular day at eight years of age, Kevin took his demeaning banter too far pushing you severely to the limit. Jabbing a finger into your face, his snotty nose almost made you hurl on his brand-new sneakers.

“Shut up Kevin!” You warned whilst your stubby digits curled into your palms.

“Make me, four eyes!”

Glaring at him, you wished he would disappear as easily as a magic trick, and your fists remained glued to your sides while you fumed. Your stomach growled above the intense anxiety within your abdomen, and you were livid enough at this kid for interrupting your snack time. Tears gathered when you couldn’t find a swift comeback.

“Hey!” A young voice yelled. “That’s not very nice!”

Turning, you saw a brunette boy an inch or two taller than you with puffy, red cheeks and bright, brown eyes whose mouth pulled into a pucker once his eyebrows knitted together. Instinctively your mouth flew open as you gazed at your knight in shining armor.

“I don’t care!” Kevin blasted. “She’s a four-eyed pickle brain!”

That was it.

Slowly, you faced Kevin, the fire burning in your palms had never felt so real and before you could control yourself, you smacked him as hard as you could across his face. Kevin gasped in terror as he tumbled to the ground, crying dramatically once his hand pressed against his reddened cheek. Embarrassment washed over mingled with immense fear when you realized what you had done. Kids had been so busy enjoying their lunches throughout the picnic tables that they hadn’t noticed Kevin’s relentless sobs. Taking a step back, you lifted your hand to your mouth to stifle the triumphant smile wanting to grow at the sudden action. You smacked Kevin! The biggest bully you had ever known. Your palm and fingers were slightly pink from the aftermath and despite your heart ramming along your ribcage, you enjoyed that subtle sense of pride.

“What happened? Kevin, love, what happened?” The teacher ran quickly toward the tear-stained boy, bending down to rub his shoulder in an attempt to comfort. A blush crept its way to your ears as you watched the teacher lift the child to his feet. Already visualizing Kevin pointing an accusing finger toward you, you felt the ground being ripped from beneath your feet.

Kevin stuttered, hardly understanding a word he blubbered, “"She-he sma -ah-acked muh-muh-muh-me.”

“Is this true?” The teacher questioned, quite stunned to think a quiet student as yourself would ever do such a thing, but in the teacher’s defense, she was unaware of the turmoil Kevin continuously put you through. Frozen stiff, your eyes enlarged in evident fear, swallowing the lump in your throat trying to gather words, but had not had the chance to speak when someone unexpectedly spoke up on your behalf.

“I-I did it, Misses Kim.”

Those were not your words.

Those were from the little brunette boy who feigned being ashamed as he locked his hands behind his back, staring at the ground. His bottom lip jutted out to add to the effect and all you could wonder was what this insane boy was doing. His eyes met yours for the first time when he raised his head, let me handle it, he pleaded with you before returning to Miss Kim. “He called me a bad word so I… I hit him.”

“Oh, Hoseok.” Miss Kim sighed. “I am extremely disappointed in you.”

“Bu-But!” Kevin blurted, but the teacher continued.

“The two of you will have to see the principal. I’ll phone both of your parents as well,” she straightened her frame, leading the two boys toward the school while you remained sticker shocked. Hoseok, head casted downward, slipped his small hands into his pockets, and to this day, you still could not believe the bravery he had. Hoseok was your hero in that moment years ago and risked his school record for a girl who was verbally bullied by some petty kid who has nothing better to do than bring others down.

Hoseok hadn’t known you that well back then and he still took the blame. In fact, that was the day nearly seven years ago when your heart leaped every time you would see him walking the hallways. He and Kevin were let off with a warning by the principal and you hoped that Hoseok would become your friend after his stunt, but unfortunately, it had never happened and he was switched to a different class, so they could keep him, and Kevin separated to prevent further troubles if any were to happen. And as humiliating as it is to admit it, you remember crying when you discovered he wouldn’t be in your class for the rest of the year which kept you from ever being able to thank him for sticking up for you.

Now at fourteen, you watch him from a distance wishing life would bring him to you as it did when you were eight. Hoseok, focused, kicks the soccer ball again where it soars into the goal, the net rebounding the ball back onto the ground. He stands in awe, breathing heavily as he bows forward to place his hands on his waist- hair swooping over his eyes, probably annoyed that Kevin isn’t there to witness the success. I believe in you, you want to whisper to the breeze hoping miraculously that your encouragement would reach him, but instead, you bite the corner of your lip nervously. Of course, Kevin is the current star of the soccer and tennis teams, and he is still the jerk you always knew him as. And, since it has been a solid seven years since the incident from elementary school, between the two boys it has been forgotten.

You jump when your phone buzzes harshly against the metal of the bleacher to see it is a text message from your dad of his arrival. From your peripheral vision, Hoseok’s head shoots up to see you scrambling to compile your books into your backpack, eventually jogging to where your dad typically parks. Praying under your breath, you hope Hoseok isn’t watching you, or finding you weird for sitting out there alone, or here you go overanalyzing absolutely any situation involving him… Again. Heart thudding in your temples, you hope the lad isn’t embarrassed if he were to think that you happened to witness the situation with Kevin earlier on the field. If only Hoseok knew how much you want to support him.

Flinging the car door open, you roughly seat yourself inside.

“Whoa there, Kid. Someone’s in a hurry, eh?” Your dad’s deep voice greets you as he chuckles. Exasperation forms into a sigh, so you shut your eyes momentarily.

“Sorry dad, I just want to go home.”

“Alrighty then, but you’re okay though, right?”

“I am.” You promise in a murmur, shifting to face the window where the countryside zips past. Your father always knows when to let you have your time to yourself which is something you have always appreciated. Plus, you haven’t found the courage to talk to him when it comes to the topic involving boys. As protective as your father is, you know better than to bring it up.

Upon the arrival of home, a small house, fit for a family of three is nestled in a quiet suburban area where the neighbors respectfully tend to themselves and there’s hardly any space to run which you happen to not mind. To your pleasant surprise, your mother greets you and your father at the door. The smell of food wafts prompting your mouth to water.

“You’re home early!” You say cheerfully whilst your mom pecks the side of your forehead.

“A lot of staff today, so they sent me home.” She smiles as she turns to finish preparing dinner. Your parents have always been wonderful at conversation which you are highly grateful for, and once dinner is served, you help set the table before taking a seat across from your mother. Your father sits in the chair to your right. Each of you speak on how your days have gone which your parents enjoy hearing things are going well on your end. Though you normally tell your parents everything, especially your whereabouts when you’re hanging out with a friend, one thing they are not aware of is your distant crush on Jung Hoseok. At times, you almost confess to your mom, hoping she can give you some advice, but the other factor that comes into play is that you and he aren’t… friends really, just acquaintances which others may find bizarre as to why you are so infatuated with him. But you want nothing more than to be his friend if that’s all it takes.

"So,” your mother’s voice breaks the brief silence, dispersing any thoughts involving Hoseok. “Now that you are finally in high school, you know, one step closer to being an adult…" She pauses. “Have you been thinking about colleges yet?" Mom stabs at her salad with her fork, the plate clinking beneath each jab. Pausing mid-chew, eyes wide, her question catching you off guard; you can feel your dad's stare as he remains silent.

"Well," you say reaching to take a sip of water. "I mean, it's a little too soon to tell right now… I think. Maybe." Stuttering, you nervously crumple a napkin in your hand.

When an excruciatingly few more minutes, pass with the same awkward silence, your mom chuckles. "I'm just messing with you. I’m not ready for my baby to grow up!"

"Oh, my goodness, mom, you scared me!" You reply in obvious relief noticing your dad's shoulders shake as he tries to contain his laughter. "She had you there for a minute."

When dinner is finished, after some more frilly laughter, you help with the dishes before running to your room. You shut the door behind you in anticipation for the warmth of your bed covers. It doesn’t take long to put on pajamas after brushing your teeth and once your frame tangles into the comforter, you feel better. The memory of the very first day of high school filling your mind until you drift to sleep.

{15}

Summer break always brings a loneliness that you dread especially in sleep when nothing, but the images of Hoseok’s face haunt you in the sweetest way. How is it that a student, meaning you, counts down the days until they see their crush again? How is it that you actually enjoy being at school because it means Jung Hoseok? You get it. It’s not normal. It’s not normal for a teenager to beg for time to pass swiftly just to roam the halls of school again.

When you find yourself entering your first class to begin your second year of high school, your stomach flips immediately which increases your heart rate at the sight of Hoseok. For the first time since children, you now share a class together which means you will see him up close every day versus a far distance between the bleachers and the field. Refraining from smiling giddily like the maniac you want to say you are, you bow your head as you find a seat to descend into. A seat that rests beside a girl with faded purple strands and kind eyes. She doesn’t seem familiar, so you figure she is new to the school.

Flitting your stare, you see the way a boy with dark hair gazes at the girl before taking his seat. At some point in a span of a few minutes, you learn that his name is Jimin, and her name is Monnie. Something about them makes you smile; it is as if they have a chemistry that is so obvious that even grown adults in established relationships would be envious of the bond they share. If only you could say that about Jung Hoseok… But that would require interacting with him. Which then requires bravery. And that is something you do not know how to collect without humiliation following close behind it.

Weeks pass further into the school year. The more you keep your ears alert, you tune into conversation between the new classmates as well as the whispers in the hallways involving them. Park Jimin is not only a fellow classmate of your first subject but started attending the drama club alongside Monnie. It is rumored that Jimin starred in a childhood movie that used to be popular. And if you heard correctly, Monnie was in the movie also which is how the two initially met. Hoseok, who you have noticed has been adopted into their friend group, smiles widely at the couple and plants himself comfortably into the chair behind Jimin while they giggle about something you didn’t quite catch.

Trying not to gaze too long at the trio, you remember last week Jimin, and Monnie were trying to convince Hoseok to join the drama club because he always had a passion for acting which is something new that you learned about him. Hoseok seemed uncomfortable from what you gathered, but your heart bloomed with the hope that he would show up to the scheduled times the club usually meets. Would this be the year that he changes his mind? And why was he so nervous? If acting is his passion, why not give drama club a chance?

It is a typical Monday morning, one you did not anticipate, after organizing your wardrobe in the order of favorite outfits you plan to wear for the week. A strange urge to style your hair and paint on a bit of makeup surprises you, but you woke early enough to make it happen, and you throw on your first favorite outfit of the week. You feel oddly confident in yourself for reasons you haven’t quite figured out. Regardless, you roll with it. Is this a way to see if Hoseok will notice you for once this morning?

Well, he doesn’t.

Maybe if you busy your mind with something else it will help. So, you do. Doodling along a piece of notebook paper shielded by your binder, you are tempted to write his initials within the hearts you’ve drawn but resist. With your luck, the teacher will catch you and read the drawings in front of the class. Then, your crush will be made known. A crush that he may dismiss or be confused by since neither of you talk. Sometimes, you just wish he simply knew you existed.

Drama Club becomes your primary focus once you near the end of your final class of the day. Mrs. Lee already passed the scripts for Romeo and Juliet last week for everyone to study. Today is the day she will have the students read their parts aloud. When the bell rings, you fumble through your backpack until your fingers grip the side of the play and as the anxiety starts to flutter within your stomach, you gulp.

The walk isn’t far, but your steps halt, tongue mutes, and sweat beads form along the line of your forehead the moment your gaze briefly meets the eyes of Jung Hoseok. He’s here!? In drama club? He decided to join after all!? Jimin who happens to be sat beside Hoseok, nudges his shoulder to show him a funny video on his cellphone which disrupts you from your reverie. Did Hoseok just catch you looking at him?

Your mouth feels dry at this point, and you hurriedly find a seat four chairs away from Hoseok to figure out how to steady your breathing. You thought you were anxious before, but the clammy feel of your palms on top of quivering fingers show that it escalated the moment your eyes met. How can someone have this much of a hold over you unintentionally? None of this makes any sense to you, but there is something about this human being that drives you mad.

Your bag slips to the ground by your side while your eyes glue to the script before you. The words of Mrs. Lee echo in the room once everyone arrives, but you are so muddled you hardly grasp what she is saying. All you know is that you are assigned to be the narrator which is easy for you to find because your part is in italics mostly. And then, you silently breathe a slow sigh of relief when Hoseok is introduced to everyone by Mrs. Lee, and she assigns him the part of Paris since one of the students originally assigned is out sick.

You feel relief because that means Hoseok isn’t going to be assigned Romeo. And that is because you aren’t assigned Juliet. The last thing you want is to see Hoseok, although acting, face to face with another girl. It would hurt and you don’t have time to be hurt. Even though it is you hurting yourself.

One thing you did happen to observe is how timid Hoseok became when he was introduced as the new addition to the drama club. Is he really that shy? Or did he seem like he didn’t want anyone to know that he is going to be a part of the club in itself?

Unfortunately, Hoseok still gets taunted by Kevin which tears your heart into pieces, but Kevin wouldn’t cause Hoseok any hell over this right? Drama club isn’t even embarrassing, so why would Hoseok be embarrassed? Are his parents against him having a passion to become an actor? Maybe it’s a family thing he is worried about.

You really overthink too much; you scold yourself inwardly.

{16}

College planning becomes the ultimate priority when entering the final year of high school. You even gained a friend in a sweet girl named LenLen whose sleek, black hair is tossed behind her shoulders while she concentrates on the task at hand. Last year happens to be a blur, and you spent the summer hanging out with LenLen, but keeping your secret about Hoseok buried until you feel it is safe to bring it to life.

Speaking of Hoseok, he hardly came to drama club all last year until the very end when he became even closer to Jimin and Monnie. They must have done an excellent job encouraging him because he doesn’t want the entire school to know that he loves to act, and it shows, yet he attended much more than you expected the final months of the last semester. What is he so afraid of? You still haven’t figured it out.

Rubbing your fingers along your forehead in exhaustion, jittery nerves bundle at your fingertips as your eyes burn from staring at the computer screen too long. LenLen asked if you would meet her at the library after class to apply for colleges, and she is typing away at the keyboard while you take a mini break.

There is only one college you have your heart set on the second you discovered it over the summer, and the only college you want to attend:

Konkuk University.

It is the top college you can attend to pursue a degree in acting. The constant talk of colleges amongst the teachers have reminded students to start preparing for where they will want to go to begin their dream careers. Your parents have been doing research along with you to colleges you can apply for, but Konkuk seems to be where you want to go. Where you feel, you are destined to go. The excitement of even applying to Konkuk seems to be the only thing on your mind.

Promising LenLen you will save her a seat in the cafeteria, you click off Konkuk’s website, sling your backpack over your shoulder and rush to make it to the lunch line. She arrives around ten minutes later, sitting across from you as your lunch trays almost collide. It’s as if your peripherals pick up her presence, but your pupils do not leave the sight you cannot believe you are seeing.

Hoseok must have gained a new friend too because there he is entering the cafeteria alongside Kevin and his clique. Whatever Kevin said to impress Hoseok is beyond you, but who in their right mind would see Kevin as a good guy? He has bullied so many people, yet Hoseok gave him a chance to redeem himself. Or at least, that is what you are trying to tell yourself. You are stunned by the revelation that you almost miss the statement LenLen makes.

“I see you staring.” She smirks, kicking at your shoe as an equivalent to elbowing you if she wasn’t sitting across from you. You can’t help the way your eyes enlarge in response.

“Wha- what do you mean?”

Winking, “I think you know exactly what I mean.”

Shifting your stare towards Hoseok, you want to cringe at the thought that somebody has figured out your secret. Or maybe you want to cringe because you have made it way too obvious. You decide to play dumb.

“Wh-who?”

“Kevin, silly! You haven’t stopped staring at him all day!”

Oh, the way your jaw drops so quickly and abruptly. It’s as if you are offended because in all honesty, you are. But LenLen is nowhere near at fault for that. Kevin just has no chance with you even if he is to be the last man on earth.

“Kevin!?” You manage to say with your voice cracking. “You think I’m looking at Kevin!?”

She swiftly examines the group of guys just to shrug. “Well, who are you looking at then?” Looking down at your food, which you have been nibbling on, you quickly start eating it again. LenLen gets the point and doesn't press any further. "Well... Whoever it is, just talk to him!" Though her intentions are genuinely pure, it’s easier said than done. You still haven’t worked up the courage to approach him. It has been years that you have known his existence, yet you haven’t said a word to him to try and introduce him into your world.

Months disappear into time and the one day you miss due to being sick is of course a day where one of your teachers passed out a test. So, guess where you are today? Staying after school to make up a test. Once turned in, Mr. Von leaves in a hurry, but you don’t immediately text your dad to be on his way. Instead, you shuffle through your backpack to find the script for A Midsummer Night's Dream to quickly highlight your lines to give yourself some quiet time.

Hearing footsteps reverberate in the hallway, a chirpy whistle is keeping up with the beat of each step. You keep your focus unbroken and manage tuning out the sounds. You do catch, however, the footsteps passing the open door, halting, to then backpedaling as if the person notices you are in the classroom.

“Hey there!” The deep voice is as happy as the melody he had been whistling, but there is something familiar about the sound of his voice. “Y/N, right?”

“Yes!” You reply faster than you mean to, and once your eyes lift to the figure before you, there is a moment where you want to run, but also a moment that makes the world around you disappear into the depths of your brain cells. Jung Hoseok. The person who entered the classroom is Jung Hoseok. Holy shit.

What do you say? How do you speak? Where do you begin? How do you begin if there was never a beginning? How do you breathe? How do you blink? How do you stand? How do you walk? How do you act normal? How do you even even?

“I’m Hoseok,” he offers his hand, and then you must coax yourself to shake it, but even then, you are questioning how you reach your hand forward to slap palms and shake his hand.

“Nice-nice to meet y-you.” You force your biggest smile, but that feels awkward. Amazed, you can’t believe you’re even audible when speaking because your voice is coming out so quiet. You are nervous meaning you’re either going to be too loud or too quiet.

He nods. “You did great today by the way… Playing Titania.” One thing you have gathered about Hoseok this year so far is that he has become so outgoing compared to previous years of knowing him. He is one of those guys who will talk to just about anybody and knows how to keep a conversation going. If only those were skills, you developed because you just make things plain awkward.

“And you did wonderful playing Oberon.” The blush heats upon your chest and cheeks while you return the compliment. Can your heart pound any harder? Any faster? You figure he is bringing this up in general because Mrs. Lee plans on quizzing everybody on their lines in preparation for the play. Your eyes trail him from the tips of his shoes to the handsome curve of his chin, and you hate the affect he has on you even over a small conversation.

Why is he so attractive?

The silence is smothering, but he holds a soft grin as he turns to lean against a desk behind him. “Thank you.” He murmurs, shoving his slim fingers into his pockets. Why does he seem so distant suddenly? Does this mean you leave? Why leave when you have waited to magically be alone with him for years just to be able to obsessively write in your journal every single detail you remember of sharing your first real conversation with Hoseok? Goodness, you need help. He’s just a guy. But you know very well that trying to chalk this up as ‘no big deal’ isn’t going to work. Because him standing before you is, indeed, a big ass deal.

Hoseok clears his throat. “I know this is random, but you seem very passionate about what you do. Have you ever had a dream that you were uncertain about? Like… you knew that it was exactly what you wanted to do, but you were scared maybe… it was too good to be true?”

Looking down for a moment, you know what Hoseok is saying. Everyone has experienced this a time or two in their life. Possibly even more. Chasing dreams can be scary, but that’s what makes it rewarding. He's obviously talking about acting. And from the past few months of the drama club, Hoseok really has it in him. He really can act. Every line he's ever given, he's always shown the right amount of emotion. Each character he's given to portray, he knows exactly what to do and how to depict that character in the most beautiful way. He hardly ever receives criticism from Mrs. Lee, and he receives tons of standing ovations for his outstanding performances from his peers and you know deep down an audience will follow behind in his future.

You can never understand why he's always been so ashamed of his talent. Who cares what anybody thinks? Especially Kevin. Nobody cares about him, nor his thoughts anyway. So, why should Hoseok? After a second, you realize he's still waiting for you to speak.

Deciding to take this opportunity, you give him some advice. If anything, maybe it will help him. Possibly stick with him for the rest of his life. Now that would be too good to be true. You just need to try. You’re so tired of him being ashamed of the drama club. He should never be ashamed of his talent. Or himself.

"Hoseok..." Wetting your lips before you continue, you try desperately to gather your words. "Don't ever be afraid of chasing your dreams. You know you can do it, so why are you afraid of what other people think?" He looks at you, lips parted, his brown eyes deeply searching yours. "You know you're good enough to make it. So, go for it. I mean it." You know you’re coming off a little stern, but it's time for him to know the truth about how you feel. Even if it’s only the brim of the whole damn truth. "You are so talented, Hoseok. I always wish I could perform like you; convey emotion as you do with every character you're given."

Hoseok grins shyly, leaning off the desk and reaching over to give you a side hug. "You know, I have never heard you talk this much before!" He pulls away, his eyes never leaving yours. "Thank you. That means so much.”

"Hey.” You murmur softly. Unintentionally yet boldly, you pinch his chin gently between your fingertips to keep his gaze from faltering. “Don't be afraid anymore, Hoseok. Okay?”

Sincerity fills his eyes as you give him a terse nod. Knowing your dad is probably waiting for you outside at this point since it has been too long for you to not text him, you collect your bag and duck out of the classroom, your heart still pounding as if you just ran a marathon.

Either way, you’re thankful. Giddy, even. That's the first time you and Hoseok have held a conversation, and that's the very first time you've ever told him what you think of him and his many talents. The only thing you left out was the never-ending crush you've had on him because now is not the time to reveal something that most likely wouldn’t make any sense to him. Sometimes, you don’t fully understand how deep your feelings for him go.

And that is okay with you.

The Friendship Phase

{17}

Familiarity in the form of heated bleachers against the skin of the bottoms of your legs bring a subtle comfort while your eyes scan the pages of the book assigned in literature class. With only a few months away from graduation, there is also the spring play to look forward to in a span of a few weeks yet the only thing you can genuinely rejoice about is the newfound friend you have in Jung Hoseok.

Yes, you thought that correctly.

You are now friends with Jung Hoseok which obviously deepened your feelings stronger than you ever thought possible. Shifting your mind, you scope the endless colorful, sticky notes sticking out of all sides of this book. You have always taken your studies seriously which is something your parents are very proud of, but sometimes you are exhausted.

Sounds of enthusiastic footsteps pounce along the metal bleachers which captures your attention to look up. “Hey, y/n,” your heart melts as Hoseok’s dimpled grin includes a brief wave of his thin hand.

“Hey there.” You coo even though you didn’t mean to coo. Hoseok plops next to you leaning into you swiftly to then stretching his long legs on the empty bleacher in front of him. “I heard Jimin pranked you with a fake snake earlier.” Hoseok shudders but in a humorous way at your random statement.

“And they just had the audacity to film the whole thing.”

“You have the best reactions, and you know it.” You can’t help but chuckle with him as he shakes his head. With one hand, he ruffles his bangs, his smile staying intact.

“I’ll get him back.”

“When-”

“Nobody knows. It could be today, tomorrow or Friday the thirteenth.”

Teasingly, you roll your eyes. “Well, I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Hoseok elbows the side of your ribs prompting you to snicker at him. After a moment, the silence only lasts shortly while Hoseok eyes you curiously. “Have you applied to Konkuk, yet?”

You remember the eagerness you felt last night once it was completed and submitted. “Applied last night, have you?”

Hoseok’s dream has also been Konkuk University which you had no idea until months earlier when the friendship blossomed. Acting comes in handy especially at a time like this because hiding feelings from the one person you’ve been infatuated with since elementary school might burn the chance of him staying in your life. If a friendship is all he wants from you, then a friendship from you he will have no matter the pain.

“Of course!” Hoseok’s enthusiasm shows in his voice as he stares out onto the soccer field and the bright, blue sky. “We will have to celebrate!”

Smiling, you shake your head at his optimism with the hope for this dream to come true remaining. “Hoseok, I don’t even know if I’ve been accepted, yet!”

“I have no doubt,” he reaches over and pats your shoulder, his small grin showing his dimples again, inwardly making your heart skip a beat. It’s then the familiar buzz of your phone reminds you of your father’s arrival to pick you up and though you love your father, it takes everything in you not to groan. If you could sit here with Hoseok forever, you would.

“Thank you, Hobi.” You say, nudging his shoulder with your own as you move to stand to your feet. His eyes always show a serenity when you use the nickname you gave him. It happened randomly but also naturally as if he has been your friend longer than he actually has. Hoseok looks up at you, positioning his head where the sun isn’t shining in his eyes.

“What are you doing later?” You wonder, hugging your binder to your chest after slinging your bookbag over your shoulder.

“I’m practicing dance moves with Jimin and Monnie. There are a few moves they’ve been struggling with, so I offered to help.”

Auditions for the spring musical were a few weeks ago, and already being assigned roles, everyone in the drama club has been practicing nonstop in preparation for the play. Hoseok stands to his feet leaning backward to stretch. “You can come if you want to,” he insists, standing straighter. “I’d love for you to join.”

Though disappointment fills you (because when do you not want to be with Hoseok), you remember your mom is planning on cooking dinner tonight, and you need to study not only for a quiz on Friday but study the couple lines you have for the musical as well as the songs of choice. “I can’t tonight, but I’ll catch you tomorrow?”

“I’ll catch you tomorrow.” Hoseok raises his arms in the air, pulling you into a tight hug. As the both of you sway from side to side, you take in the faint smell of his cologne, his smooth chin resting against your forehead. It takes everything in you not to move to kiss him but then you remember that you’ve never been kissed. Pulling away slightly, you notice the atmosphere change, as if a nervous tension has made its appearance between you two. Slowly lifting your head, you see Hoseok’s ajar lips first before he swallows. Refraining from scrunching your eyebrows, you have no idea what to make of this moment with his arms still wrapped around you.

Is there more that he wants to say?

Abruptly, as if lightning has struck, Hoseok presses his lips ever so softly on your reddening cheek. Eyes wide and heart ramming against your sternum, you don’t even have time to react before he sprints off. Your fingertips touch the tingling spot of your cheek and now you will be counting down the minutes until you get to see him again.

The practices for the musical are building excitement for everyone in the drama club. The adrenaline rush of performing in front of a live audience along with the impact of the music when everyone’s voices join in loud harmony; the dance moves growing more in sync with every practice, the pure joy of getting to share this dream with people considered your second family; absolutely all of it gives everyone something to look forward to and you wouldn’t change that for the world.

Turning the page to your wrinkled script, you briefly study the highlighted lines. The air outside has warmed, the cloudy day giving off a strange feeling as you try to focus on the words in front of you.

Instead of pouncing feet, this time the footsteps are slower, heavier, dragging even. Curiosity mingled with concern fills you as you turn to see a quiet Jung Hoseok who is eyeing the ground, hands in pockets, pink lips in a straight line, walking to take a seat next to you. Furrowing your eyebrows, you’re surprised at his sudden change in demeanor. You haven’t seen Hoseok like this in a while.

This morning he was all smiles and dancing his little jigs down the hallway whenever it was time to go to class. At first, you’re at a loss of what to say, and when Hoseok, finally meets your gaze, he swallows a lump in his throat.

“Something’s going on with Monnie and Jimin.” He murmurs, concern evident in his features. Hoseok scratches at his knee then slips his slim fingers into his pocket. Shock fills you.

“What!?” Replaying the day's events, it’s hard to keep up with Jimin and Monnie during the school day versus seeing them at drama club. Observing Hoseok, worry remains in his expression.

“Jimin won’t tell me what’s going on, but he’s been upset all day.” Hoseok chews the side of his cheek, his eyes zoned out in front of him.

“Have you spoken to Monnie?” Now realizing, the two of them haven’t texted in the group chat in a while, and you beat yourself up for being so oblivious.

Hoseok shakes his head slowly, meeting your eyes. “She dodges me and Jimin every time we try to catch her attention.” Running a hand through his reddish-brown hair, he lets out a long sigh through his nose. All you know is whatever is going on is not good. Jimin and Monnie are crazy about each other whether they will admit it or not.

“What about practice? When’s the last time you all got together for that?” Bringing your hand to your mouth, you can’t help gnawing on your nails, anxiety for your friends rising. Also, Hoseok has been practicing dance moves with them a lot recently; with Jimin, playing the prince, and Monnie, playing the main fairy, which are the lead roles, practice for them is imperative.

“A few days ago.”

“And everything was fine then?”

“Yeah.” Hoseok is so quiet that you barely hear him. Your heart breaks, not only for the sadness of this situation. Without thinking, you set your stuff to the side, scooting closer to him, leaning your head against his shoulder. Your heart thumps within you at your sudden gesture, and self-consciously wondering what he may have thought of it. To your surprise he leans his head against yours, his warmth bringing peace after hearing the news about his friends.

Selfishly, you’ve daydreamed about his kiss from the other day, but now you can’t even bring yourself to smile about it giddily as you’ve been. Until Jimin, Monnie and Hoseok are okay, you aren’t going to feel okay.

Inwardly, you hope everything works out for the two of them. They are beautiful souls made just for each other; and whatever is going on, you hope it doesn’t last forever. Staring at the sky, Hoseok and you don’t speak, just sit comfortably in the silence. You can’t help but shove the fear aside- the fear of losing him. The past few months have been nothing, but you and him: becoming closer, encouraging each other, dreaming of your futures as well as the mutual excitement of hopefully attending the same college, dancing together, singing at the top of your lungs purposely missing notes, meeting at your favorite spot on the bleachers (your everyday routine) until your dad picks you up; it has been the most magical few months you’ll forever be thankful for. You just can’t imagine the two of you ever losing touch, and you don’t want to.

Still cuddled up on his shoulder, you look down to see how near his hand is to yours. The back of his hand is so close that the desire to intertwine your fingers with his is hard to ignore. Swallowing, the nerves build within you, contemplating on if you should just do it and see what happens, or not do it for the fear of rejection. The second you slightly move your hand even closer to his, your phone buzzes.

Hoseok lifts his head in response, unaware of your almost gesture, and looks toward your phone. “Is that your dad?”

“Yeah,” you sigh, not in frustration, but more of disappointment only because you’re not ready to leave Hoseok. Meeting his eyes, he gives you a silly grin.

“Well, I will see you tomorrow. I’ll update you if Jimin tells me what’s up.” Hoseok stands along with you as you turn to stuff your notes in your bag. “In the meantime, I think I’m going to go kick some ball with Kevin and his friend Shownu. Shin and Myung-jun may be joining, too.” As soon as you zip your bag up and sling it over your shoulder, Hoseok wraps you in his arms. It is a tradition, you have noticed, that you both do before you leave to meet with your dad.

“I hope you have fun,” your voice is soft, savoring every second of his embrace. You get one more squeeze, nodding once when you both pull away. “Wait!” You spew the moment Hoseok starts to turn on a heel. If you can’t hold his hand yet, then you will return his gesture from what feels like forever ago. A gesture the pair of you haven’t talked about… yet. On your tiptoes, your palms greet his shoulders, and you plant the sweetest kiss you can on his cheek. He is just as stunned as you are, but you do not give him time to react.

You jog up the bleachers toward the direction of your dad’s parked car. The ride home goes by fast because your mind is on full blast. Dad and you make small talk, but you don’t remember it because all you can think about is how soft Hoseok’s skin felt against your lips.

As soon as the car parks in the driveway, you immediately run to the mailbox trying to force a distraction. Because did Hoseok like it? Will he think you’re crazy? He kissed you so why couldn’t you kiss him back? Is he going to act weird about it tomorrow? Will he say anything?

You dissipate the thoughts by roughly shaking your head and return to the squeaky sound of the lid to the mailbox opening. Ever since applying to Konkuk, it’s been your number one priority to check the mail after school each afternoon. With already anxious fingers, you peek inside the dim, small space. A large, white letter outstands the rest of what you assume is junk mail and the panicky jitters swarm in your stomach.

Reaching for the largest letter, you see your name in bold letters, a smile forming on your lips as excitement fills you. Running your eyes to the corner of the letter, there in the most beautifully typed font reads:

Konkuk University.

When school starts the following morning, you’re all smiles as you tuck the unopened letter in one of your folders and settle it into your backpack. If there’s anyone in the world you want to open this letter with, it’s Jung Hoseok. Sitting in the first few classes nearly drives you mad as the nerves build with every second. Not just nerves involving whether you have been accepted into your dream college or not, but nerves from the kisses. They weren’t on the lips, but kissing someone’s cheek is just as much of a big deal, right?

You carefully scan the crowded hallways between each class period, trying to stay alert for any signs of Jimin or Monnie. You texted Monnie last night to check up on her, but she was very concise with her reply, and you knew it was best to let her be until she feels better. Whatever is going on is her business and you never want to pry.

LenLen was also the next person you texted, letting her know you received your letter from Konkuk. She showed her excitement with all caps and exclamation points leaving you a wide smile before you fell asleep. Despite the college excitement, you also scribbled in your journal about the events with Hoseok because you wanted to remember that moment for eternity.

Now, nearing the end of the school day, the sun is shining high in the sky as you cling onto the strap of your backpack that seems to live on your shoulder. Heading in the direction of the bleachers to the soccer field, you hear the familiar joyful voice of Hoseok.

“Y/N! Y/N!” He shouts, and before you can fully turn around, he lifts you in the air and twirls you around in his embrace. You laugh hysterically, watching as he does a little ditty, shuffling his feet in one of his infamous robotic dance moves after setting you down. As soon as he finishes, he rests his hands on your shoulders. “I got accepted! Konkuk accepted me! I am going to Konkuk University!”

“Oh, Hobi!” You shout gleefully, crashing into his arms again while he sways you. “I am so proud of you!”

“Did you get your letter?” He gleams, pulling away from the hug, his hands now lingering on your elbows.

Nervously nodding whilst biting your bottom lip, you turn to unzip your bag, pulling out the folder you kept the letter in. “I haven’t opened it, yet.” You admit. A blush creeps on your cheeks. Confusion clouds Hoseok’s eyes as he looks at you.

“Oh?”

“I wanted you with me.” Holding his eyes, his lips part then relax into a timid grin. With shaky fingers, you thumb at the flap of the envelope, carefully opening it. Your heart pounds loudly as you gulp. Once you free the letter from its thin package, you unfold it slowly, bringing it to your line of vision.

Taking a moment to find the sentence you need to read, your shoulders go rigid, your fingertips are suddenly ice cold as the whole world around you stops. Tears brim in your eyes, as your heart falls to the ground in shattered glass pieces.

To: [Y/L/N] [Y/F/N],

Thank you for your application into our Acting and Arts program as we are very honored for your consideration of us to pursue your educational career path. We are very sorry and regretful to say that we are not able to accept your admission to Konkuk University at this time…

The words blur before you. Your mouth hangs open, but no words are coming out. Every hope and dream you had for attending Konkuk has disappeared along with the excitement you had been feeling since applying. The emptiness in your chest is smothering you, and the worst part is…

“Y/N?” Hoseok steps forward, worry all over his face as his gentle voice brings you back to the present. Realizing you haven’t said a word, your eyes shoot to meet his.

The even worse of the worst part is, the one person who has finally entered your life; the one person who you dreamed of being by your side through college and hopefully further in life; the one person who you’ve been inseparable with for a short span of time, will be far away. Konkuk is about five hours away from your town, and just the thought of hardly getting to see Hoseok destroys you.

Tears spill onto your cheeks. You have no words. Bringing a shaky hand to your face, you run. The letter sways in the wind behind you as you choke back a fit of sobs. Hoseok’s voice calls your name, but it fades in the distance. You run elsewhere. Anywhere that is not you and Hoseok’s favorite spot; any place where you will not be found.

At least, not until your father picks you up from school.

Devastation overwhelms you as the tears continuously soak your cheeks. All your hopes were set on Konkuk University. And, for the first time in a long time,

you feel stuck.

The covers of your bed have never felt so welcoming as you cuddle further under the comforter. The empty feeling in your chest is prominent as you try to shove the earlier humiliation from your mind. Squeezing the bridge of your nose, heavy footsteps catch your attention.

“Hey…” The deep voice of your dad sounds as he cracks the door open. With red, puffy eyes, you look at him, his sad face showing pity. “Mom and I are heading out to visit your grandma.” It looks as if he wants to invite you to come but knowing the information you received today along with your sloppy appearance, he decides against it. “Just wanted you to know that your mom and I are proud of you. Always. Don’t let this end your hope.” Blinking back tears, you force a grin at your dad’s words. “There’s always an answer. Konkuk just happened to not be it.”

Nodding, a tear slides down your cheek while your dad continues. “Don’t give up, y/n. We believe in you.”

Thanking him hoarsely, your dad gives a nod, closing the door behind him. Minutes drag, and you decide to brush your teeth to rid of the sour taste in your mouth and prepare for bed early. Maybe sleeping will help you escape this misery for a while. Once you’re freshened up, you throw on a pair of yoga pants and a loose T-shirt refusing to look in the mirror at your appearance and trying to enjoy the freedom of not wearing a bra. As you make your way to your bed again, you lift the blankets when the sound of the doorbell makes you jump.

Heart thudding lightly, your eyebrows furrow, sniffing back the excess mucus clogging your nose. Your parents haven’t been gone that long and if they had forgotten something, they would have texted you first. Making your way to the door, you open it. Your eyes enlarge in astonishment when you see Jung Hoseok, lips parted, staring into your eyes. Embarrassment flushes through you as your cheeks and chest burn. You know you look awful. You also know that you feel awful. Not a good combination, you scold yourself.

“Hello...” He murmurs. His hands bury in the pockets of his blue and yellow jacket. “Can I come in?” He asks after sixty seconds of silence. Speechless, you nod with a forced grin. Hoseok steps through the front door then you close it behind him. It’s not the first time he has been to your house; he’s been countless times for homework purposes and drama club practices. You just didn’t expect him at your doorstep at this moment right now. You never dreamed he would show up to see you unexpectedly like a movie.

The two of you hold eyes, regret pooling in your heart. Hoseok’s arms loosen to then step forward, pulling you into a tight hug. Your body trembles against him from the tears brimming in your eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” You whisper. You are not only sad about not being accepted by your dream college, but you are in pure devastation at the thought of losing Hoseok. The man you have been longing for since you were eight years old. Why is it that when he is finally in your life, a part of your world, that life wants to strip him away from you again?

“No, no…” He says tenderly, his chest so warm pressed against your cheek. “Please don’t be sorry.”

“I just… I just didn’t know what to do.” You sob. Once you both pull away after your minutes of crying subsides, Hoseok follows you into your room. The both of you sit on your bed, and his knee brushes your thigh as you two shift comfortably facing each other. Silence drowns the room, but only for a few minutes before you speak. “I’m so happy for you.”

Hoseok glimpses at you from his twiddling hands, his pink lips form into a sweet grin. He looks as if there’s something he wants to say, but decides against it, returning his eyes downward, his fingers move to play with a piece of lint he finds on the comforter.

Awkwardly, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and sniff, the emptiness you feel not doing any better. You feel horrible for running off like that; you really are happy for Hoseok, and you hope he knows that despite your devastation of being rejected by Konkuk. Deep down, you know he’s not angry with you for feeling this way, so why you are overthinking it you don’t know.

“Come here…” Hoseok says warmly. Looking up at him in surprise, he moves forward, embracing you once again to you resting into the side of his neck. His warm skin sends those familiar shivers all through your body. How can someone captivate you this much without even knowing it? Without thinking, you whisper.

“I’m going to miss you so much.” Your voice breaks as your chin trembles. “So, so much.”

He moves just enough to meet your eyes again, and his face is so close that you can feel his breath against your chin. Your eyes notice when his lips part, both of you staring without making one sound. You have never been kissed on the lips before, and never in your wildest dreams would you have imagined it to be with Jung Hoseok. Butterflies grip you internally as the tip of his nose brushes the side of yours, his eyes closing as you hold your breath.

As smooth as the touch of a flower petal, Hoseok’s lips press to yours ever so warm and ever so soft making your head spin sporadically. The two of you pull away but only for a second to stare into each other’s eyes, as if he’s asking permission to kiss you again. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.” He smiles so wide; you can hardly conceal the excitement bursting all over your heart that is mending because of him and those words.

The infamous pound of your heart awakes in your temples the second Hoseok kisses you again. His thumbs stroke your cheeks as your hands grasp his forearms following his lead. As your lips move together, you feel yourself laying back onto the numerous pillows against the bed frame. His body aligns with yours, the material of his jeans thick against your yoga pants. There are no words to describe the happiness igniting within you as you get lost in the feel of his kiss, the way his hair feels between your fingers, the tip of his tongue circling yours, and the way your legs tangle together. This day might have started off in the most horrible way, but Hoseok knew exactly how to mold that misery into a bliss you never thought you would ever experience.

There are just no words.

His eyes meet yours once more as a beautiful smile spreads upon his face. “I’m going to miss you more.” And with that, he kisses you repeatedly, and you never want this night to end.

Never in a million years.

{18}

The clinking sounds of silverware interspersed with the numerous conversations populate the atmosphere as you rush from table to table refilling drinks or taking orders. It’s hard to focus on the task at hand after being here all day, but you manage to give polite smiles despite the stress of the crowd growing. It’s been several months post high school graduation since you started your full-time job here waitressing, saving up money until you find the right college for you.

Swiftly, wiping your sweaty palms along your apron, you take a quick break to check your phone.

When you have yet to receive a message from Hoseok, you feel your heart drop in disappointment. Hoseok left for college a month ago at the end of summer, and though you know his schedule is continuously busy, it’s like him and you have barely been able to speak a word since the two of you said goodbye. Fighting the urge to cry, you set your phone back in your locker and sprint to see if any of your customers’ food is ready.

The job continues to keep your mind busy enough to dismiss the sadness from checking your phone a bit ago, but not busy enough from the memories of your friends. You’ve never missed your friends so much; almost seeing them every single day to never seeing them at all took a toll on you, especially when Hoseok left.

The final days of your senior year were eventful other than the suffocating exams that consumed everyone’s time studying. LenLen and Hoseok were the only two who kept you sane through the horrendous time; and now, after finishing the final exam, you make your way toward the front doors of the school, stopping dead in your tracks. Jimin and Monnie are standing a good distance apart; Monnie hugging a binder to her chest, her stiff shoulders apparent as her and Jimin never break eye contact.

“Hey, y/n.” Hoseok’s voice echoes. When you turn to him with nervous eyes, he looks out the glass doors to realize why you’re silent.

“Oh, shit.” He whispers, grabbing your arm and pulling you to a corner to where you both couldn’t be seen easily. Heart-shattering, you watch as Monnie mouths something to Jimin, even from where you’re standing, you can see tears glistening in both of their eyes. Jimin looks down for a moment, returning his eyes to her, mouthing something in her direction as well. As if the moment was lost, Monnie rushes to a car that pulls up, and you assume it’s one of her parents coming to pick her up.

A memory floods your mind from the previous week, when Monnie, with sad eyes, told you the news that nearly broke you.

“I’m moving back home.” She whispered. Shock overwhelmed you at her statement, being her home is basically a plane trip away.

“What?” Stunned, a tear spilled onto your cheek. “Monnie, no-” you remembered the night the spring musical ended, Monnie left immediately afterward without a word to anyone. Jimin, depression evident in his countenance, leaned on Hoseok for strength as the mystery of Jimin and Monnie remained. They never told anyone what happened, and if they had it was very vague.

“I know.” She said, looking down to avoid you seeing her cry. Enveloping her in a tight hug, you held her close as she broke into silent sobs, and you refused to let her go until she was ready.

A warm hand intertwined with yours, the memory slips away as you watch Jimin disappear around the corner of the school.

“Do you think it’s because she’s moving?” You murmur. Meeting Hoseok’s eyes, the both of you share a knowing look of worry, wishing there was something you could do to reunite the couple you two weren’t sure you would ever see again.

“I don’t- I don’t know.” He says softly, wrapping his arm around your waist for comfort.

The memory fades into the evening along with your will to smile. Thankfully, the second closing comes around, you quickly help wipe down tables, tidy up the chairs, and wash dishes before you gather your purse and phone. Refusing to look at your phone screen, you wait for the arrival of your mother to pick you up, wishing you were brave enough to get your license. Although, as soon as you settle in the passenger side, your mom and you make small talk until you both make it to the house.

Running to shower, afterwards, you freshen up with a pair of clean pajamas, soon settling into your room for the evening. Your legs are sore from standing all day. As if on an impulse, your fingers tap along the phone screen and before you know it, you’re dialing Hoseok’s number. After the long day you’ve had, your heart yearns to hear his sweet laugh, hoping maybe it can bring some healing before you fall asleep for the night.

Chewing on your fingernails, the anxiety rising beneath your chest surprises you. Why are you so nervous? It’s not like you and him are strangers. Before you can scold yourself any further, the sound of his voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

“Hey.” Hoseok’s voice sounds frantic once he answers on the fourth or fifth ring. Taking note of his heavy breathing, you wonder if he just came back from dance practice, or maybe he went for a jog.

“Hey.” A grin fills your face just at the relief of finally hearing him after what felt like so long. It has been a while since you and Hoseok have spoken over the phone, and it’s hard ignoring how much you have missed him since his leaving for Konkuk.

“Hey, y/n, I’m so sorry but I can’t talk right now.”

A strange feeling overwhelms you as disappointment knocks on your heart. “Hoseok, is everything okay? I just feel like we haven’t talked in so long and it’s starting to worry me. I just, I-”

“I know, and really I’m so sorry, I promise I will explain everything later but right now, Jin and I are rushing to the hospital-”

“Wha-?” Shock engulfs you, and you can feel your voice thicken with fear.

“One of our friends just got in an accident.”

Your heart had stopped at his words and your whole body went numb. It’s been a few days, and still Hoseok’s words have echoed in your mind continually. Swiftly, you asked Hoseok to update you on everything before the two of you hung up. Of course, he promised, but even now, still waiting, you have yet to hear from him.

Sighing in utter frustration, mostly to yourself for being so selfish, you collapse onto your parade of pillows, pulling up your Facebook app. Just the thought of someone getting hurt tore you up completely. It’s one of those situations where you wish with all your heart and soul that you could help and save somebody from their storms. Then during the healing process, prove to them that they are not alone, and that you will do everything in your power to help them find an escape from their torments.

Turning on your side, you try to ignore the uneasy feeling at the pit of your stomach. You wish misery wasn’t a thing; especially right now, with worry racking your whole brain with everything being unknown. You have no idea if Hoseok’s friend is okay, and you also don’t know if Hoseok and his friend Jin are okay, and overall, you think that’s what’s driving you insane the most. How can you be okay if you have no idea if anyone you know is alright?

Scrolling through your Facebook timeline, you try to distract yourself from the inner turmoil of fear threatening to consume you. As if this week couldn’t get any worse, what catches your eye next causes you to sit up. In the picture sits a group of people, all tagged from what looks to be a middle-aged woman who you assume is somebody’s mother, and as your eyes linger over their faces, you pause at the young girl who is smiling contently with Hoseok’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Hoseok’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Blinking back tears, you take in his dimpled grin expression, the one you had fallen in love with over and over again; realization plagues you and now everything makes sense as to why you haven’t heard from him as much. Clicking off Facebook, you decide to deactivate your account as well as the many other social media accounts you have that Hoseok follows. You don’t even hesitate to block his number. Hoseok has moved on, and even though you don’t want to accept it, you must. Slinging your phone toward the end of the bed, you bury your face into the comforter letting the thick material muffle the wails as warm tears stream down your face.

{22}

Do people truly move on from a broken heart? Or do they suppress the situation so far in the back of their mind that they eventually numb themselves from the pain of the devastation? Either one could be you, but you haven’t given it much thought in four long years. More like forced yourself not to think about it.

Twirling the cold beverage in your hand, the evident taste of beer pools on your tongue once you take a slow sip. You do not necessarily care for alcoholic beverages, but this brewery in downtown has been a nice place to frequent on lonely Friday nights. A few stragglers take a seat at the bar while the bar tenders’ breeze back and forth to prepare the orders.

You never went to college. Almost did, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t the right thing to do at the time. However, you found a job opportunity to become a prop organizer for sets. Did you go for it? You did, training under a family friend, but held the bitterness of not attending your dream college, so you decided to work on multiple television sets for a couple years until you changed career paths. Instead, you applied for a banking job. You have your own desk at least and a set schedule. You also always have weekends off and the pay is somewhat decent.

Are you happy at the job? Not really but are you content with the job? To an extent. LenLen shoots a brief text with a picture of a meme that makes you smirk to yourself. You are grateful that you have maintained a wonderful friendship with this angelic human being. If it wasn’t for her then you would have never gotten over… Him. But as one may question, have you really gotten over him? You have made it clear to your parents, you didn’t move on because you wanted to, it’s because you had to. He found someone else. You finally accepted that you merely weren’t enough for him. LenLen argues that you should have communicated with him to be sure, but you disagree.

Regardless, you refuse to say his name, or create any social media that puts you at risk from seeing something that will rehash the day you discovered he had someone else. The only human being you have kept up with is Monnie from her movie premieres. She has become a highly known actress since you last saw her in high school- a super successful actress in her career. Subconsciously, you wonder if Monnie was ever able to rekindle her relationship with Jimin now that they are adults, but for now, you cheer Monnie on from the sidelines. She deserves her fame, and you will forever be so proud of her.

LenLen still harps about how cool it is that the pair of you attended school with a celebrity. And you definitely agree. You also hope Monnie’s heart has been mended the way you wish yours would. What is it about losing someone special that can take away so much of you? Sometimes you regret letting the initial pain from four years ago haunt you still. Why can’t you just forget about him entirely?

Your stomach gurgles momentarily to remind you that you need to eat something before you get buzzed. Unfortunately, you aren’t a fan of the food at the brewery, so you plan to run by a drive thru when you decide to head home.

The slide of a full glass of beer captures your attention when the lean fit frame of an individual carefully takes a seat beside you. Do you turn to look? Is it appropriate to stare? Your shoulders tense especially when you smell the crisp scent of cologne. You could smack yourself too because it smells delightful.

You’ve dated here and there, but they were never good enough. LenLen blames it on your past heartbreak, but you assure her that is not the case. At least, you wish it wasn’t the case but here you are. Whoever this person is, smoothly leaning on his elbow to face you, is entering dangerous territory if he is going to smell this enticing.

“Waiting on anyone?” His voice is like velvet when he speaks, and you shift in the stool to eye him curiously. Your heart skips a sudden beat, and you have to fight every fiber of your being to put on your best acting skills.

Black strands are tousled though few are wisping at the corners of his brown irises. An amused gaze stays in his expression and along the smooth, pale skin of his face tilts a gentle smirk with pink, thin lips. He is the most beautiful, exquisite man you have seen in a while. And he chose to plant his rump next to you. Great.

“I’m not.” You timidly bite your bottom lip because what else are you supposed to do? You already want to hide from the heated blush running along your chest, but you remain rooted in your seat.

Relief shows in the form of his dropping shoulders as he breathes a swift sigh. “Good because I’m not as tough as I was trying to look.”

“Nonsense!” You giggle profusely, seeing the way his smile grows into one of comfort.

“No, really. I’m not one to fight, but I was going to throw some hands if it means at least getting your name. Jaehyun,” his smile stays intact as he offers his hand. Feeling the warmth of his palm, you are embarrassed when you notice yours is clammy, but Jaehyun doesn’t seem to mind.

“Y/N,” you say softly, having a hard time taking your eyes off him.

He seems as though he wants to say something, but he’s so entranced by you that he clears his throat awkwardly instead. “What brings you here alone on a Friday night?” Jaehyun takes a sip of his beer.

Shrugging your shoulders, you realize your hand is tightly gripping your glass from the nerves. “Honestly… I don’t know. It’s just a place for me to escape to for a while.”

“Do you… Give me permission to join you? Sometimes escaping is fun if you have a partner in crime.” Hope resonates in his eyes at the question and there’s something about him that you can’t shake. Is this a coincidence? Or is this fate? Will he be the one to mend your heart into what it should be? You aren’t sure, but you will gladly find out.

“Of course,” you smile, and that became the beginning of a new love story. Or so you hope.

{23}

The time we all have been waiting for

One year ago, you met your boyfriend, Jaehyun, and one year ago is when you experienced a high you have missed. He was your first everything aside from kissing, and once intimacy became comfortable, it then became addicting. You did learn after a month of courting, that Jaehyun had gone through a horrible break up leading to the night you both first met. As much as you would love to admit that you relate to him, you don’t. You want to keep your former love buried deep in the crevices of your mind, so your heart can breathe.

What really piqued your interest in Jaehyun was discovering he is a cameraman for movies galore. How crazy is that? You have always wanted a career related to film and acting and here you are dating a cameraman. A successful one at that. His father happens to be a well-known director so part of that has contributed to his career, but you have enjoyed the sets you secretly have gotten to visit whether the movie makes it to the big screen or not.

There’s just… something missing. You cannot seem to pinpoint exactly what it is that’s missing. But something just isn’t there. The guilt eats you alive somedays, but Jaehyun has been a dedicated lover and friend, so why ruin what is a decent relationship?

“I’ll be back tomorrow, and by then, I should have more information on where my next job is located.” Jaehyun reaches to hold you then plants a soft kiss to your lips. “Behave.”

Snickering, you shove him. “I can’t promise I won’t fuck something up. The cookie jar was just meant to fall off the counter.”

“Pushed.” He corrects.

“Accidentally.”

Jaehyun shakes his head teasingly at you while his fingers move to grip your hips. “I want everything intact when I get back, okay?”

“Roger that.” You nod once, letting the next kiss linger. The tip of his tongue greets yours which prompts you to moan.

“I’ll miss you.” He whispers.

“I’ll miss you, too. Let me know when you land.”

You hate the loneliness you feel when Jaehyun leaves to travel to his job locations. But you know he must. The pair of you moved in together four months after dating which you know is a bit fast, but he had been so good to you that you couldn’t help but rush it. It’s as if you were chasing a spark, you hoped would remain, but never truly found it. But nobody has to know that but you. You always liked his company because he always stayed so peaceful. You assume that his presence not being in the house makes you feel you might succumb into the sadness you experienced so long ago.

The second Jaehyun calls the next morning, you can’t believe the exhilarating news he shares. “Do you remember the girl you went to school with that became an actress?”

Your breathing hitches. “Monnie?”

“That’s the one!” Jaehyun beams to the point that you can tell he’s smiling on the other end of the line. “She’s starring in the movie I was hired to help film!”

“Are you serious!? Goodness, it’s been years since I’ve seen her!”

“Well about that...” Jaehyun hints, and you steady your excitement.

“Yes? Come on, spit it out!”

“So, they’re doing a table reading of the script while the rest of us crew prepares the sets. And I may or may not have bought you a plane ticket, so you and her can catch up.”

“No way!” You screech. “You mean it? I’m really going to see her!? Oh God, what if she doesn’t remember me?”

Jaehyun’s laugh reverberates through the phone. “Of course, she remembers you, and she’d love to see you again. It was her idea to fly you out here!”

“Oh, you tell her thank you so much! …Am I on speaker?” You lower your voice.

“… No?”

“You’re going to get you some of that goody good the second the plane lands you best believe. I’ll even wear a thong.”

Jaehyun’s chuckle darkens with lust. “I’ll be ready. I love you.”

“Love you.” You nearly scream, jumping on your bed in happiness. You get to reconnect with an old friend, and maybe being with Jaehyun for a bit will strengthen the hope that there shouldn’t be any doubt about this relationship. Scurrying to your closet, you throw all your clothes down to figure out what you’re going to wear and what you’re going to pack.

If only you knew who else was going to be there the moment you arrive.

You’re exhausted by the time the flight ends, but you happily greet your boyfriend who smiles widely at your presence. “There you are.” He coos, pinching your chin before planting a sweet kiss.

“I need some caffeine.” You say, kissing him one more time. “Has the table reading started?”

“It has, but as long as traffic is fine, we may make it on time.”

Throwing your duffel in the back of the rental car, you shuffle to the passenger side letting Jaehyun rest his large hand on your thigh. Why aren’t you as excited to see him as you hoped you would be? In all honesty, you’re more excited to see Monnie more than your own boyfriend.

“Hopefully me and Monnie can reschedule if we end up late.” You are disappointed, but it is also not your fault that your flight was delayed by two hours. Jaehyun squeezes your thigh while your eyes gaze at the scenery passing by. Jaehyun offers to grab you a coffee, but you decline in hopes it will get you to Monnie faster.

Once the car is parked, you, hand in hand with Jaehyun, enter the facility and you halt unintentionally when you see a frantic Park Jimin, a blonde Park Jimin at that, running after who you see to be Monnie who is keeping her gaze downward. Your eyes widen in elation. Have they been in contact this whole time? Then… Why do they look so worried?

You squeeze Jaehyun’s hand and whisper, him leaning closer so he can hear you. “I think it’s safe to say that we’re rescheduling.” Jaehyun sees the scene as the couple in the distance disappear around a corner and he mouths an ‘Oh.’

“I’ll show you around, then.” He clears his throat, and he unintentionally drops your hand when the pair of you round a corner into where a large table with numerous chairs sits. Few sparse, bundles of people are sharing conversation that echoes throughout the building and when someone starts greeting Jaehyun, your eyes scan the room until they stop on an individual whose coffee cup drops right out of his hand in pure, debilitating astonishment.

His shoulders shudder in embarrassment, but your heart is racing so fast, you are not sure if you are breathing. How is this possible? How is this real? Someone with blue hair beside him rushes to clean the mess, but you can’t run because your boyfriend is only a few inches from you, yet you back away slowly to try and calm yourself. You feel lightheaded as if you are in a torturous dream, especially when you catch his eyes again that are equally enlarged with disbelief.

“Ho-Hoseok?”

7 years earlier…

Hoseok smiles triumphantly at the director of the college who unfortunately sent your letter of acceptance to the wrong individual who happened to share the same name as you. Hoseok couldn’t be more thankful to solve this mistake, and to celebrate, he has been working two part time jobs on top of juggling his college classes to save up money to purchase a necklace he has been dying to get you since he moved to Konkuk University.

He knew something wasn’t right that you didn’t get accepted into Konkuk when your grades should have reflected how hard working of a student you are. Secretly, he made it a pact to get to the bottom of it, and now that he has, he cannot wait to share this news with you. You can either start classes this coming spring or start completely the following year and Hoseok will remain by you every waking moment. Even if it’s mostly over phone for now.

He misses you more than words can say, and the exhaustion that plagues him continually is no help on the nights he’d rather stay up talking to you. He does feel guilty on the other hand that he hardly has been able to text much due to his doting schedule. Seokjin, a friend he gained, who has been a much better colleague than Kevin, greets him at the library where they plan to study.

Hoseok has made acquaintances too, one being a guy with blue hair named Yoongi and the other being a girl named Sun Hee who Hoseok believes is Yoongi’s girlfriend from the way they interact. What Hoseok didn’t expect after gradually introducing the small group in his life is the accident that ensues that leaves Yoongi injured and in the hospital.

Of course, you had called right when he finds out the terrifying news that leaves him and a frantic Seokjin scurrying to the car to make it to the hospital. He plans to call you to tell you everything at some point but as the days continue, the nerves involving Yoongi get worse and Hoseok can hardly focus on anything else but his friend. If anything, he wishes he has you to hold, but he knows it would be impossible for you to make it the five hours to him when you don’t have your license yet. Nor does he want to interrupt your job. Or, upset your dad.

Many students who either have classes with Yoongi, family, or friends of Yoongi’s visit him as he recovers which thankfully has been good news. At one point, Hoseok walks over to comfort Sun Hee who is still trying to get past the emotional distress of it all, so he wraps a friendly arm around her shoulder before Yoongi’s mom proudly asks everyone to take a picture. Yoongi’s mom wants her son to remember the endless support he has no matter what and Hoseok grins as the camera flashes before him and Seokjin head back to the dorms to rest.

What Hoseok doesn’t anticipate is the fact none of his messages deliver when he goes to text you. Heart pounding anxiously, he attempts to call but nothing goes through. But… Why? Of course, he goes to check social media to see you are nowhere to be found, and the confusion muddling his mind is no help. Did you block him?

Seokjin consoles Hoseok while he scrambles around the room wondering what to do in order to think thoroughly about it all. Did you find someone else? Why did you cut him off? How is he going to tell you about the good news with Konkuk? Seokjin offers for Hoseok to use his phone, but Hoseok is scared you would mistake Jin’s number for a scam caller since you obviously do not have Seokjin’s phone number. The pain hovers in his chest while he fights the tears. Was it because he didn’t get a chance to talk to you much?

Hoseok, months later, pays a visit to your home with hope to see you again, feel your embrace one more time, but is greeted by your dad who lets him know that you are working at a different location and isn’t sure when you will be back. Your father never told you because he knew exactly what you would do, so it’s a secret he keeps safe since he is the one who saw your heart shattered over the boy he is staring back at.

Hoseok apologizes then visits his parents for a few more days before returning to Konkuk. At this point, the necklace dangles before him once he is in the security of his dorm and tears of guilt drip onto the bed covers. If only he knew how to find you again, he would do anything. For now, he will try and accept that maybe he wasn’t enough for you after all.

{23}

You kept him for years in your every thought, every word you wrote and every pound of your heart. Dancing eyes that glued to your soul the moment he kissed you, and touches as gentle as flower petals loomed all over your skin. His smile haunted you even in times that you begged for it not to and why you are saying this in all past tense is just you trying to hide the truth. He still does. He still resonates with you even as if he never tore your heart to shreds.

You haven’t seen him in almost seven years, yet his memory burns alive as if you physically relive the memories every day. As if his touch is as fresh as it had been the first time, he ever held you in his arms. Why must life be so cruel? To toy with you as if he is ultimately meant to be your forever just to take him away from you repeatedly.

You didn’t give him a chance the last time. You made the choice for him because he found someone else. Why couldn’t he just be yours? Why was he there when you least expected it? Now, every feeling you’ve tried to hide is igniting into the present.

You stand there frozen for a timeless eternity locking eyes with the one man you never thought you would see again. He is just as stunned. You can see it in his eyes and from the way his Adam’s apple bobs at the gulp he swallows. You can tell by the scripts on the table right in front of Hoseok that he must be casted in this movie, and all you can think through your catapulting thoughts is that you would have found Hoseok much earlier if you hadn’t run late to the table reading. After all this time, and from the memories of high school, it is clear Hoseok has finally chosen to follow his dreams, and that, despite the turmoil hounding your chest, you feel a pang of warmth at the realization.

In your peripherals, you remember a very important detail suddenly. What about Jaehyun? Instead of turning, your auditory senses pick up your boyfriend still having a conversation with who you assume is a coworker. He has no idea about the stare down going on behind him.

Now, you know why Monnie ran. She didn’t expect to see Jimin here either. Is this the place where love reconnects? Or was your original thought, correct? Is fate just messing with you? Why now? Why couldn’t you be single right now, so this guilt rising in your chest didn’t exist? Why should you feel guilty though? Nothing has happened other than the immense wave of emotions plaguing your entire system. Would that have something to do with it? Holy fuck.

You do not know how you survive the day avoiding Hoseok the way you do, and Jaehyun is starting to get worried about how frantic you appear as if you want to run. Safely getting to the hotel that evening, you don’t even remember how to do your typical evening routine. With how nauseous you feel, you nibble on your dinner trying to assure Jaehyun that you are fine.

The second day at the set, Hoseok could not take his eyes off you and Jaehyun, though you do not know, happens to notice how often you and the red headed actor keep sneaking glimpses at each other. This day confirms your assumption that Hoseok is indeed a part of this movie. You learn from the second table reading, where you get to briefly wave at Monnie when she arrives, that Hoseok is casted as one out of the seven guys who are hopelessly in love with Monnie’s character.

At one point, Jimin happens to recognize you and sends you a wave as well. You can tell Monnie is also being observant by the way she scans the noticeably awkward way you refuse to interact with Hoseok. Monnie is aware how close you and Hoseok were in high school so how come neither of you are acting as if you once were friends?

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun, all in his camera gear, leans in and whispers. You hum a ‘yes’ in response, but you can tell he doesn’t believe you.

The third day, you feel how tired you are from the lack of sleep due to not wanting to dream about Hoseok while your boyfriend is sleeping right next to you, so you tossed and turned until you couldn’t take it anymore. All the stress of seeing Hoseok is starting to take a toll and when arriving with Jaehyun, at one point, you see Hoseok standing off to the side while a few of the cast members are preparing to film a scene. You aren’t sure where Jaehyun went off to, but you gaze at Hoseok with the longing you wish would stop burdening you. You also wish you could tell Hoseok how proud you are that he is finally choosing to follow his dreams because as you watch him observing the scene being played out, he looks so lovely that the sadness washing over you becomes intense.

It is then that Hoseok sees you. An overwhelming feeling that neither of you can explain becomes existent and he holds your eyes as if that’s the only constant keeping him at bay. You try to read his stare while he looks into your soul, yet your feet remain planted for the moment. There is no way that you are the only one who feels this connection. There is absolutely no way. So, why did he choose someone else all these years ago?

Something breaks the gaze because instead of putting on your best, inner actress, you flee to the nearest restroom. The nausea is intense- much more intense than you realize because you are throwing your hair back immediately in preparation for the retching. Nothing really comes up but some bile since you haven’t eaten yet, and now you are breathing steady to calm your nerves.

Sometimes an overwhelming amount of shock and anxiety can do this to you, so you aren’t surprised. You just are grateful that nobody else is occupying the restroom so that you can think. What in the bloody hell do you do? Do you approach him? Do you continue to ignore him? Do you tell Jaehyun? The thoughts turn into pacing while you clench your stomach because what the hell are you supposed to do? Jung Hoseok is in the same vicinity as you and there is no one else you’d rather… confront for lack of a better term. But is it worth confronting him for all the pain he caused you what feels at this point like a lifetime ago?

Will he even remember? Will he understand why you blocked him from your life? He will just have to because he chose somebody else over you. Whereas you spent majority of your life putting him first. Is this why you feel betrayed deep down? You know ultimately you should have put yourself first which is what you learned before turning twenty-two and prior to meeting your boyfriend. Otherwise, Hoseok was all that mattered to you.

And he still fucking does.

Gritting your teeth, you rummage through your purse for a small bottle of mouth wash that you keep for emergencies and swish it around your teeth and tongue. You rid of the foul taste and rinse with some water before taking a few deep breaths. You can do this, y/n. Just fake a smile and act as if you are going to be in this movie yourself.

Placing your hand on the bathroom door, you shove it slowly as if you are hiding from someone. Which technically you are but you get the picture. You investigate the hallways that echo a small number of footsteps, so you, in relief, step out into the unknown thinking all is safe. Standing, you can’t remember which direction you came from, so awkwardly you just continue to… Stand there. You decide to reach into your purse for your phone to text Jaehyun, but fast steps dissipate your movement.

“Follow me.” A familiar voice halts your heart. He grasps your wrist before you can scream, but it’s not a firm grip, it’s a gentle hold and you jolt your stare to see a hazy view of red hair who leads you into a storage room set off to the side. You should stop him. You should shout. You should fight to call Jaehyun. But you don’t. And repentantly- you don’t want to.

Hoseok kicks the door closed behind him until your back shoves against a wall. Red strands hover over his determined eyes as he breathes heavy, now holding both of your wrists that he pins to the wall. You can’t even respond because your words die in your throat. This is the hottest fucking thing you have encountered, and you will keep that with you till the grave.

There are no words shared, just ajar mouths of panting, but he is so close that you feel his breath brushing your chin. Your body is begging for more of his touch at this point, but you do not move a muscle. It is then that you remember that you are supposed to be mad at him. Yet simultaneously you want to kiss him so bad. He can’t know this though. You have a boyfriend. You must think about Jaehyun.

“Let go of me.” You say through gritted teeth even though it destroys your heart piece by piece to even say it. Hoseok hesitates, but calmly releases his fingers that curled around your wrists and steps back carefully. Your heart is betraying you because you would do anything just to make love with him right here and now, but it isn’t the right thing to do especially with how he broke your heart. And, for the sake of Jaehyun’s heart.

Hoseok turns just to rake thin hands through his hair before he runs a palm along his face. “I don’t know what came over me.”

You do. Because you feel the powerful truth resonating in this very room. You’re hurting over Hoseok and Hoseok is hurting over you. Neither of you truly know the reasons why.

What is mind blowing to you is how seven years flies by and it is like he was never a stranger. The emotions you’ve suppressed are waiting to burst at the seams as if they would even when he was still in your life. You do not know how this is possible. You know it’s crazy. You know nothing right now makes any sense and you want to scream at the top of your lungs. And, you know even if you were to have gone back to Jaehyun, Hoseok would have done exactly what he is doing now and that is confronting the reality that you both are here. In a place far away from your hometown, you both by some twisted form of fate end up in the same place at the same time. Of course, you are pondering the odds of this, of course you fucking are. All you know is you can’t let Hoseok hurt you again. Plus, now you have Jaehyun.

“I have to go.” You finally say in the deafening silence prompting Hoseok to turn swiftly to face you where his widened eyes hold the same desperation that you feel. Yet, he is so beautiful. Fuck. Even to this day. He is exactly how you remember but grown out of the boyish charm from high school and into a man. Your heart is pounding through your temples while you take in his features. He’s just so beautiful.

“Please…” He murmurs, stepping forward as if being even closer to you can make all of this add up. “Before you go, just tell me why.”

His statement catches you off guard. Why? What does he mean why? He can see the disbelief written all over your expression which causes him to question inwardly. How does he have the nerve to question your reasons for cutting him off? He knows good and damn well why. He has to.

You feel unsteady briefly, but you are thankful to hear your phone buzzing within your purse which you figure must be Jaehyun. Hoseok understandably gives up accepting that you must have moved on just as you assumed he has.

Reaching for the doorknob with horribly shaky fingers, you pause for a moment collecting enough strength to end this strange yet alluring moment on good terms. “I’m proud of you.” You whisper, Hoseok’s gaze burning innocently at the back of your head while his heart feels as though it is going to explode watching you leave. “You followed your dreams. There was never a reason for you to be ashamed… Goodbye.”

And with that, you exit the storage room, returning Jaehyun’s call to ask him if he can take you to the hotel while you muster with all your strength not to erupt in a pool of endless tears.

A towel is wrapped around Jaehyun’s waist as he ruffles his dampened hair. He has talked endlessly about his day (as he should) and the excitement he holds for the upcoming film. You, hair wrapped in a towel, rub on a face mask to cleanse your skin as you wearily stare at your reflection in the mirror. You try so hard to listen to every word your boyfriend says, but you can’t shake any thought of Jung Hoseok from your mind.

Vivid flashes of the way Hoseok pinned you to that wall stirs an unwanted wave of desire through your frame and a reoccurring pain that seems to never find closure. If only he slid his teeth along your bottom lip while slipping his hands into your pants while you whimper his name… If only the emotions from the years of longing for his return continued in breathless kisses and gasping in response to the way his lips would trail your neck… Maybe you could ignore the myriad of questions that have plagued you profusely for all these damned years of wishing, and pleading, and fighting to understand why you can’t just let. Him. Go. It’s like, in a way, a spell has been cast on you whether it’s Hoseok himself or something that is preventing, almost trying to keep the two of you from being together in the end. But, why?

Maybe the truth is right in front of you. Maybe you don’t want to let Hoseok go.

Maybe you really just can’t.

Jaehyun eventually moves to wrap his strong arms around you from behind while he places feather-like kisses along your neck. “So, I hope you’re enjoying your time here.”

“I am.” You reply softly. His fingers then slide gently into your sweatpants where he finds your clit, rubbing nice and slow while he continues to place tepid kisses. You wish you were becoming aroused, but you can hardly concentrate on the way his lips press to your skin and his fingers slipping into you pumping gently while you squeeze your eyes shut. There are no goosebumps, no moaning, no excitement- just pure sadness.

Because you know deep down what the truth is, but you do not want to admit it. You know what’s missing in the relationship. Jaehyun is not Hoseok and he never will be. It’s the saddest simplicity of an answer. He is not Jung Hoseok.

“Hey…” Jaehyun’s voice is soft, cautiously releasing his fingers from inside you, he then spins you around. Despite, the face mask covering your cheeks and forehead, Jaehyun looks at you lovingly while he reads your eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Hesitant, you reply anyway. “Nothing.”

Jaehyun flashes a pointed look because he does not believe you whatsoever. “Are you jet lagged still? …Did I do something?”

“No! …No, I’m sorry. I promise I’m not trying to be gloomy. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Are you sure? Because you have seemed off since you’ve been here. Is it because you haven’t gotten to see Monnie much?”

“I mean yes, I do wish I could see her more, but we have plenty of time. Work allowed me a week off, so I’m not too worried about that.”

“Then what is it?”

Guilt pools in your eyes as you visibly see his concern, but what are you supposed to tell him? Okay, maybe the question doesn’t involve what, but how? “I… don’t know.”

You let him kiss you then even though the cream of the face mask gets all over his skin, too but it somehow makes you giggle. You wish you knew how to tell him, but it is way too soon. What happened earlier with Hoseok was probably going to be a onetime thing. You keep replaying the whole scene with Hoseok wishing there could have been a different outcome, but you can’t change the past. And you don’t want to hurt Jaehyun who has been nothing but good to you.

Once you finish freshening up, you try having sex with Jaehyun to rid of the pain inside your chest, but the remorse is so smothering you hardly can enjoy it. It’s not his fault at all so you give it what you got. Except this time, when you close your eyes, all you can see is Hoseok’s face and it takes everything in you not to burst into tears.

It's not until the day before your flight that you finally meet with Monnie. Her management rented out a space in one of the fanciest restaurants to ensure privacy from the spotlight so the pair of you could catch up. She embraced you tightly while the scent of peonies greeted your nose. It’s amazing how much the two of you had to catch up on and the endless conversation is exactly what you needed. Sometimes a friendly face helps lighten the load for a little while.

As a surprise, you facetimed LenLen so Monnie could say hello which erupts into bouts of happy squeals from LenLen. Being with Monnie made you forget how famous she actually is, and you are so thankful that she always maintained her humility amongst the fame.

Neither of you mention Jimin or Hoseok even though you wonder if the question crossed her mind at any point. You also wonder if she kept contact with Hoseok or if Jimin did since all four of you happened to be in the same place in a different location way far away from the high school all of you attended together. It’s surreal, but maybe not bringing the subject up was a good thing.

Anxiously, you stop by Jaehyun’s work to bring him lunch and to go over the time your flight departs tomorrow. Jaehyun, who proclaims he has a surprise for you, says he ordered a limousine to pick you up for your ride to the airport. Speechless, you have never ridden in a limo before, and you cannot believe how thoughtful Jaehyun has been all week which fuels the devastation when you notice Hoseok standing adjacent from you. He’s gripping another coffee cup while he speaks with one of the producers.

Did he just hear every word you said? Did he hear that you are leaving to go back home tomorrow?

“I already told Stan where to pick you up.” Jaehyun attempts to say but he notices your obvious distraction which has pretty much lasted the entire week you have been here.

“Wh-who? Whose Stan?”

“I just told you, silly, the limo… driver.” Jaehyun follows your wavering gaze to see the red headed actor glimpsing at you for the hundredth time. Is this why you have been acting so strange? Do you know this guy? Jaehyun starts to question if you really were with Monnie when you said you were. Or the other times before when you claimed you needed a breather.

An uneasy feeling starts to bud in Jaehyun’s chest. “Um…” He leans forward to get close to your ear. “Can we talk?” Jaehyun lowkey has noticed the tension ever since the first day he brought you here whenever that actor was around, but thought he was going crazy. Jaehyun is typically not the jealous type, but something seems off. Everywhere you were, it seemed this actor followed.

Disrupting your entrancement, you swallow the lump in your throat as your heartbeat spikes. Jaehyun just walks swiftly around a corner and unbeknownst to you, Hoseok has excused himself from the producer to hide away enough to make sure you’re okay. He feels awful to intrude, but he can’t help the strong emotions building within his heart and the indisputable closure he wishes you would give him. Because he never was able to get over you either.

Jaehyun is restless as he tries to gather whatever words he can. “Look, if I sound crazy, I don’t care. Something isn’t right. And if I had to guess, it has to do with that actor you keep looking at. So, what is it? Do you know him?”

Your hands glue to your hips while you uneasily try to keep yourself standing from the uncomfortable blow to the chest. Shit. You want to scream. Jaehyun caught you and now you don’t even know where to start. “I’m sorry.” You whisper which you are surprised sounds audible, but that’s all you can muster.

“Okay, so something did happen then?”

“No! Jaehyun… No, it’s not what you think.” You try to breathe but feel like you can’t from how much your chest tightens.

“Okay well what am I supposed to think? Were you really with Monnie earlier?”

“Yes! Of course, I was!”

“So why are you so distant? If I did something wrong, then I need to know so I can fix it. I also can’t read your mind. Communication is what I need here, y/n.”

“I know this, Jae… I-”

“Okay, then explain. I’m doing all I can to prove to you that I love you. I just need some kind of answer. I’m starting to get really worried, and you know I’m not like this.”

Tears brim because you know deep down, he has done everything for you. You are in the wrong for this and you know it. You do love Jaehyun. You really do, but the love for him will never be as strong as the love you had for Hoseok. The love you know you will always have for Hoseok. The silence hurts. The emptiness and sorrow you feel for Jaehyun… Hurts so deeply.

“Jae…” The tears stream to drip from your cheeks. “I want you to know that I do love you and I am forever grateful for all that you have done for me… I just, um…” You press your lips together to prevent your chin from quivering. You can’t even look your boyfriend in the eyes. You don’t even know how to answer him. How can you? If you were to tell him everything from the beginning to now, not only would it crush him, but would he truly understand where you are coming from?

“You’re not going to tell me are you.” It’s not a question. He says it sternly.

“I… I can’t.” You stifle a sob. “Jae, I’m so sorry. I just can’t right now.”

Angrily, and rightfully so, he glowers at you while his jaw clenches because after a year together, he does not understand how fast everything can change in the span of a week. And after a year, how can you not trust to tell him what is going on? He deserves to know, and you wish you could find the will to just tell him the whole story without holding back.

He is rigidly holding back tears because he is just as hurt, but he can’t bear the thought of you stepping out on him which is what he is starting to believe. Is he wrong to think that? He knows anger causes irrational thinking but right now, he wants space to clear his head. Even if it means being away from you.

“The hotel is yours tonight.”

“Jae-” You rush to step forward, but he holds a palm up to pause everything.

“The hotel is yours tonight. Stan will pick you up for your flight tomorrow… We’re done.” He shoves past you as you spin in panic to watch him leave, but you do not chase him. This is not how you wanted it to go. Not on bad terms, but you feel so devastated yet so relieved that Jaehyun made this decision, yet you feel so helpless simultaneously.

The tears continue as you scramble to order someone to pick you up and if you regret one thing, it’s not telling Jaehyun about your first love the first day you met him like you should have.

The guilt is eating you alive.

Your eyes are dry and puffy from the crying the night before, so to force some way to lift your spirits, you put on a faint amount of makeup and throw on a floral summer dress. What better way to cope with the heart ache by pretending there is no heart ache? You suck at that. It’s visible all over your frame that is weak and exhausted; your mind has done nothing but run vigorously on high speed since landing a week ago and you are not sure how you are functioning properly.

Once you have everything packed and prepared, you triple check the hotel room to ensure you haven’t left anything. The room felt desolate last night without Jaehyun being beside you, but in a way, you appreciated being alone. Maybe it’s for the best that you never try to love anybody else because as long as Jung Hoseok exists in your heart, there is no such thing as anybody else. How can someone have your heart this long and they were never really yours?

Rolling your suitcase behind you, the walk to the outside is brighter than you anticipate. The sun gleams high in the sky while people bustle from left to right to exit or enter the hotel building. It doesn’t take long for you to spot the limo slowly pulling up to the curb. An older man with gentle eyes greets you, introducing himself as Stan.

“Now I finally have a face to a name.” You smile sweetly as he takes your luggage to settle into the trunk. “Thank you.” You murmur. The moment you open the limo door, you duck to begin taking a seat, but something stops you in your tracks.

It’s the scene of glimmering shoes that tilts your head in confusion as you scan from the shoes all the way up the slim legs, to the loose-fitting shirt on a familiar frame to then locking eyes with the one person you never expected to see yet again.

“Hoseok?” You croak with widened eyes. Did you say his name out loud? You have no idea. All you know is your heart is ear piercingly screaming and your fingertips have gone numb. His red hair is gelled back so you can easily see the enchanting curve of his jawline and the quirk of his lips smirking gently. You are in trouble. And you don’t care anymore. But your conscious tries to tell you the opposite.

“I um… Uh, I have to go-” You panic preparing to back away.

“Absolutely not.” Hoseok grasps to pull you in, reaching around you to slam the limo door closed once your body plops onto the seat. When Stan hears the signal, he starts to drive away from the curb and your mind is dizzy with anxiety.

“Hoseok.” You try to say sternly, but his name comes out in a whimper. You are trying with all your strength not to pass out.

“Y/N.” He speaks. His eyebrow cocking. You have remained leaned forward from how he pulled you in and his face is so close, you are doing everything you can to keep your heat from clenching simultaneously with the reaction of your body wanting to tremble.

“What the hell are you doing!? How the hell did you even know I would be here!?”

He shrugs. “A friend.”

“What friend-”

“Monnie. She’s known Stan for a while. So has Jin and bandana guy.”

“Well, Stan is about to be fired!” You try emphasizing the word loudly to kid with Stan even though you are lowkey dead serious. You should be grieving Jaehyun, not letting the desire to tangle with Hoseok be floating subconsciously in the back of a damn limousine. “If Jaehyun finds out that you jacked the limo driver, he’ll be pissed. And who the hell is bandana guy!?”

“I’ll answer your question once you answer mine.”

“Hoseok, I’m not playing fucking games with you.”

“Neither am I.”

Eyeing him in exasperation, you shake your head to hopefully rid of the evident confusion. “You know what- we can’t do this. We can’t be alone.”

“And why not?”

“Because-” Because you just went through a breakup, damnit! Not that you are aware that he knows. But you are trying so hard not to cave into the longing to be with Hoseok the way his eyes intensely look into yours.

After all this time, holding it in all these long, long years:

you explode.

“Because you are just so fucking ruthless, you know that!? I have fucking had you in my head since I was a child and there is no escape from you! No escape! Do you know how much it killed me to see you leave seven years ago? Do you know how fucking insane seeing you again is all these stupid ass years later? I have been losing my shit nonstop and for what!? Because you just think it’s so damn cute to occupy every fucking brain cell I have and tear me to shreds! Like, do you even fucking know the hell I’ve been through!? Seeing you with-”

Hoseok kisses you suddenly stopping your words. This kiss is so desperate and rough yet, it’s so much softer than you would think since you were losing your absolute shit a minute ago, but his lips are as warm as you remember, and your body loosens as his hands cup your cheeks. Gasping into his kiss, the world spins so magically that you forget that you are heading to catch a flight home. You don’t want to stop. The way his mouth moves so good with yours. How are you going to pull away?

So, you don’t.

His fingertips slip to the back of your neck to deepen the kiss while the love you buried revives into the atmosphere.

Because you are so in love with him, and you never once stopped.

Hoseok’s other hand pats along the door refusing to break the kiss and your ears catch the sound of the partition lifting to separate the pair of you from the driver. Something about that whole gesture sends a gush from your heat, wetting your thong that you inwardly hope Hoseok will see. It’s like you are in a dream. If ‘high school you’ knew that seven years from then that you would be making out with Jung Hoseok in a limousine, you would have never believed it. Instead of bottling everything up anymore, you are just going to let go. In this moment, you are with the one person you have always wanted: Jung Hoseok. So why fucking fight it? You are done fighting it.

You have made up your mind. You want to give him your all and you want to give it now. Conversation can be saved for later.

“Hoseok,” you gasp between his kisses. “Please… whatever you do. Don’t… Stop.”

It doesn’t take much until his hands move to grip your waist, positioning you in a straddle. Immediately, moaning loudly against his lips that have eagerly grown hungrier as you cling to him desperately. Humming into his kiss, the relief flooding your limbs eases the tension you have fought this entire week, and your hands slide to grasp the gelled strands of his hair in deprivation. His tongue dances with yours while he fumbles with where to place his hands next.

You moan when you feel his erection beneath your heat though clothes remain on; with the dress, you're wearing, the fabric is spread enough, you're able to feel the material of his slacks along your inner thighs. You unintentionally grind your hips, him doing the same, lips nearly bruised from sultry kisses he refuses to stop.

His palm slaps your ass to then squeezing so hard, you nearly melt into his frame, your teeth sliding along his bottom lip before sneaking the tip of your tongue along it to then snatching his lips once more.

Your fingers trace his jawline, a part of him that nearly makes you faint. Breaking the kiss, his breathing is heavy while your lips linger to trail his jaw, lightly sucking with each contact until you reach his ear. A soft laugh resonates into his eardrum, him groaning with immense desire in response. You can't help yourself especially with the fire dribbling from your heat. Your inner kinks start to arise.

"I don't know if you've ever been given a blowjob in a limo baby, but I’m not going to let you forget it.” You say it so erotically, Hoseok is losing his mind. You're wild when it comes to sex, yet you’ve only ever had one sexual partner. With the way Hoseok's hazy, brown eyes watch your every move, you don't mind giving him the ride of his life. You are going to show him exactly what he has missed.

Squeezing his shoulders once, you move backward off his lap carefully despite the moving vehicle. You kneel on the floor, your antsy fingers unbuckle his belt, the jingle of the metal sending jolts of excitement throughout his limbs. The anticipation is nearly smothering, especially when you unbutton his pants to show his underwear, spreading the fabric to free his erection. The sight causes you to bite your lower lip instinctively.

"Oh baby." You nearly drool. His hands curl around your wrists before you lean in to cover his area with your mouth encasing every bit of his girth. He leans back in immense pleasure while you perform a long, intense suck before dipping your head up and down seductively. Hearing him moan fuels you to continue. Running your tongue over his tip, you let the taste of his precum lead you to yearn for more, pleasuring him so much he could release right then and there. You unlatch your wrist from one of his tightening hands, bringing it to his scrotum that is peeking through the opening of his underwear, massaging softly whilst sucking, his feet pressing harder at the floorboard from the paradise he's been wanting with you and only you.

When you see how much of an effect it has on Hoseok, you continue your bliss, sucking and sucking until his hands grasp the sides of your ribcage causing you to gasp in surprise. Without a second to blink, your back is crashed against the seat cushion with Hoseok hovering above you, strands of his hair glistening over his eyes, his chest heaving as his hands rest on either side of you. Your eyes are wide from the sudden action, but when he lowers to place his lips near your ear, a tingling sensation waves across your figure.

"I don't know if you've ever been fucked in a limo.” He growls. “But I'm gonna make sure you, my dear, will never forget it."

Oh. Fuck. His fingertips feel for your underwear that he slides down to your ankles. He doesn’t even take a second to admire what type of underwear it is before he comes back to kiss you.

You are so aroused that your vaginal walls are sopping wet before Hoseok slams his erection into you. He drums so hard that you can't help the screams of pleasure that are gratefully unheard from the vibration of the speakers reverberating within the small space. This is when you realize music must have started playing to drown out the sounds Stan most likely does not want to hear.

Your hands clasp roughly to Hoseok’s sides which regains your focus. He pounds so rhythmically with the bass of whatever song is playing, your g-spot is being stroked with each thrust. The growing climax sends your eyes rolling back. Hoseok slows for a moment though and aligns his body with yours still keeping himself inside you. You watch him while your chest heaves.

He lifts a finger to trace along your cheek until he caresses your bottom lip with his thumb. You are uncertain why he has stopped, but you are thankful neither of you have cummed too soon because you are not ready for this to end. Even though it has to… Oh, shut the fuck up brain.

“You’re not going to the airport today.” His eyes shift from a lust to a softness that reminds you of when he first became your friend. You want to sit up in surprise, but you don’t because you like Hoseok’s body being on top of you and his erection keeping its rightful place inside you.

“What do you mean? I’m supposed to leave today.”

“I… Have made other arrangements.”

“Did you cancel the flight!? How!?”

“Well, no… But I can reimburse you for the inconvenience of missing your flight.”

“Are you…” In honesty, you are not upset at all. Your heart is flying so high with relief, you could cry. A smirk graces your tingling lips. “Are you kidnapping me, Jung Hoseok?”

“Only if you let me,” he winks, pressing a slow kiss to your bruised lips. “Otherwise, the airport I will take you but only if you say so.”

“What about my job? I have to go back at some point.”

Sadness etches in the corner of his eyes while he exhales slowly. “How about we worry about that tomorrow? … I don’t want to lose you. Not again.”

You don’t either.

Your hand reaches to tangle in his hair while you pull him to kiss you. He starts thrusting again, but this time nice and slow while your tongue swirls with his. The two of you are so lost in intimacy that neither of you notices the pause of the limo and the dimming of the music. It's Hoseok who jolts away immediately, stuffing his being back into his pants, scrabbling to buckle his belt before it dawns on you that the limo is no longer moving. Swiftly, you fix your dress, running your hands through your hair in panic, also hoping your makeup isn't smeared all over.

Your throbbing heat is relentless, and you squeeze your thighs to try and relieve some of the sensitivity, but it's no use. Once Stan opens the door, you and Hoseok smile at him trying to hide the fact the two of you were literally having intercourse directly behind his back.

Stan squints his eyes in suspicion when he notices how embarrassed the two of you chuckle when leaving the limo, but he brushes it off, him tipping his hat for a farewell. You grasp Hoseok's hand while your other hand clings to your luggage. You do not know where you are, but you are assuming it’s where Hoseok lives.

“My roomates are still shooting scenes for the movie we’re in, so we have this whole place to ourselves for the time being.” Hoseok beams. Your feet move faster than they ever have as he follows suit to the front door. He chuckles at how cute your eagerness is because he is just as giddy, too. Being with you just comes so naturally even after all this time. The moment you reach the door, you spin around, dragging his mouth to yours.

Your back hits against the front door nearly bringing you to your knees while he follows your lead. You throw your arms around his neck as his hands press into your waist; the two of you rebuild the itching desire that had been interrupted. The pure addiction of Hoseok's lips on yours is everything you could have dreamed of, so you hate that you have to break the kiss just for him to unlock the door. Snatching his hand once more, you kick off your heels, him slipping out of his shoes while your luggage tips over somewhere near the door.

You follow him up the stairs until both of you are safe in his bedroom. He locks the door behind him once he turns on the lights, and that's when he tackles you lovingly once again, kissing your mouth roughly. Your hands pull off his shirt and in return, he unzips the back of your dress.

When your lacy undergarments taunt his enlarging eyes, you step away from your dress, giving him a seductive smile. Now he notices your thong. Sliding your fingers slowly to your entrance, you coat your digits with the wetness he's caused you, stepping forward to carefully smear it on his lips. His eyes close while his staggered breaths relish in your scent, urging to taste you, he clamps his warm mouth around your fingers, his teeth grazing your skin while he sucks.

"I want you, Hoseok." You whisper. "I want you to never stop wanting me."

That's all it takes before he squats to wrap his arms underneath your ass, lifting you effortlessly in the air prompting a fit of giggles. He sprints to his bed and crashes you onto it. Once the bounce of your bodies settles, his hands desperately tear your thong from your frame as well as your lace bra, his mouth leaving tenderly placed kisses along your ribcage before your trembling hands move to rid of his pants. Unbuckling his belt, Hoseok helps you free himself from his pants and underwear- every article of clothing between the both of you finally plopped on the ground.

Unexpectantly, he rolls you above him, pressing your bare chest against him, his teeth nipping your ear lobe before his breath haunts your ear in the sexiest, deep voice you've ever heard. "If I'm going to taste you properly, I want it all over my face."

Oh. Shit.

Hoseok clings onto your hips once you get into position. You move with him until your folds are above his starving mouth. Now with his heated palms smoothed along your ass, you lower yourself just enough until you hear the sudden sound of his lips caressing along your heat bringing a moan to escape your throat. "Ohhh, baby." You breathe. His tongue circles your heat slowly before he roughly flicks it against you, delighting in your taste while your head thrusts back in ecstasy.

You've never had sex so good- especially with the way his tongue licks so effortlessly underneath your clenching vaginal walls. Your thighs quiver from how strong your climax is building. His lips cover your clit, sucking before returning his tongue to lick rapidly among your slit.

"Ohhh, Hoseook." You can hardly concentrate, him continuing his mission until you slide back, forcing him to raise, his bangs now clinging to his perspired forehead. His lips part just to land to kiss your chin where the scent from your folds is fresh on his lips.

He’s starving for you, and you learn right then that he wasn’t done. His hand finds your chest where he pushes you down until your back bounces on the mattress. His fingers find your nipples first where the ticklish feel from the rising buds causes the fire below to heighten. Whimpering in response to the pleasure, his mouth latches onto your nipple while his tongue dances along it.

You beg for him as he pleasures you. The intensity of how turned on you are is so heavenly, you could do this forever. He then kisses along your body until he stops at where he originally feasted and you can see the lust in his eyes before he dives in, lapping up every bit of you while he slides gentle fingertips to then vibrate along your clit. “Oh Hoseok! Oh baby- ah!” You moan feeling how strong your sense pleads to orgasm while your eyes roll back in ecstasy. His tongue is relentless while he licks along your heat.

When you think he’s done, he repositions to where you are sitting on his face again while his large hands cup your ass.

"Now." He says, his lips tickling your skin when you both find yourselves hazy and twisted together. "Where were we before we were interrupted?"

"I think I remember." You whisper musingly, him rolling you to crash under him- his penis finds your entrance before you can catch a breath, and that's when he starts. Pumping into your walls that are warm and drenched, your screams of delight ring throughout his room, letting Hoseok enthrall every single one of your senses until your legs nearly give out. You moan his name. You moan profanities. You moan it fucking all. "Harder!" Your voice breaks. "Harder! Oh!"

Your climax hits you suddenly and strongly prompting you to squirt slightly which turns Hoseok on even more than he already is. Your legs jolt beneath him while he spills inside you. You’re still screaming in pleasure from the high when he falls next to you, him leaking down your mid-thighs while you squeeze them for friction. Both of you hyperventilating, the sensitivity still presents between your legs while you two try to recover.

"Holy shit." You breathe. "Where the hell have you been again? Holy fuck."

A deep chuckle sounds from Hoseok’s pearly smile, his eyes gleaming from the happiness he feels with you finally by his side. When his long fingers intertwine with yours, you furrow your eyebrows, shifting to rest on your side so that way you can see all of him easier.

Preparing to speak, his free hand reaches to tuck a strand of your fallen hair behind your ear rendering you speechless. Though you've kept your feelings private for so long, he's always made your heart palpitate; but, with everything that has happened, where do either of you start?

You lean your cheek into his palm where he rests it, him moving to sit up just enough to brush his lips to yours before pressing kisses on every inch of your face, his sudden passion surprising you, especially when he turns you to lay you back down just so he can lounge in your beauty from above.

“I like you naked.” He teases causing you to playfully scoff when you shove him. His chuckling smile kisses your smile while you enjoy the feel of his warm skin and the high of his presence. “I’ve missed you…” He whispers when the moment becomes serious which hitches your breathing.

Missing Hoseok is an understatement. You’ve wished to see him again but never thought it would actually happen. You know you shouldn’t ask this, but it has tormented you since he left that you can’t help it. Hearing those words from him should have made your heart swell, but then the picture that changed everything years ago seems to be in the forefront of your mind now. “Then… why did you choose her?”

Hoseok’s eyebrows scrunch as his lips pucker. The confusion is so apparent that you start to feel the budding sense of humiliation. He met a girl at Konkuk, right? The picture showed it all… Right?

“I mean I dated here and there later on in college, but I had to get over losing you.”

You shift to sit up as Hoseok’s body rolls off you. What does he mean?

“But you wouldn’t have lost me if you hadn’t chosen to be with her. I mean, c’mon, Hoseok you hardly talked to me once you left. I spent countless nights wondering what I had done wrong! I knew you’d be busy, but I never thought, nor did I want to believe it’s because you found someone else.”

Hoseok tries so hard to understand what you are talking about as he reads your panicked gaze. But… you blocked him? Why would you block him unless you moved on too? He is uncertain of the girl you are talking about, but he listens as best as he can while he racks his brain of what happened seven years ago.

“Y/N…” He says calmly. “Can you please tell me what you are talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Hoseok! The picture! You had your arm wrapped around another girl! What else was I supposed to think? Do you know how destroyed I was?”

Hoseok flits his sight to the comforter while the pair of you start to distance from your sweaty frames. The smell of sex is starting to fade, and you bundle the comforter over your chest while Hoseok’s lower-half slips under the covers. When realization enlarges his eyes, his heart drops to his stomach. Now, he knows what you’re talking about.

“Wait… Yoongi’s girlfriend?”

“Yoongi? I thought-”

Hoseok’s eyes search yours as if he is trying to get you to telepathically see his memories. “Me and Jin were at the hospital for a few days because Yoongi was in the hospital from- from the accident.” He wets his lips. “Sun Hee was just a friend of mine, and she was stressed from it all, so I was just trying to be there for her. We weren’t dating! I’m pretty sure we’re even related somehow.”

“Wait- wait a minute, what?” The heat hovering over your chest is intensely overwhelming when you realize the huge mistake you have made. “You mean-?”

“When I came home, I tried to get a hold of you so I could tell you everything, but I was blocked! Even years later, I tried checking social media every now and then so I could find you again, but it was like you disappeared!” Hoseok is pouring his heart out to you meanwhile tears of utter humiliation form and begin to drip in so much regret, you can’t believe the fog in your head is allowing you to compute his every word. “Why didn’t you talk to me first? Why didn’t you let me know you were hurt?” Hoseok’s voice is pained as he continues. “I could have explained everything! I even showed up at your place a few months after, but you weren’t home.” He doesn’t mention your dad since none of this involves either of your parents especially when he sees your reaction.

“You… came back?”

“Of course, I did! I was in love with you, y/n! I even planned to tell you about Konkuk’s mix up! They sent you the wrong letter. You were accepted. I had it all ready and planned out to surprise you! There was never anybody else, it was always you!”

The world stops. Everything just stops. The words you have longed and hoped and wished and prayed have just been said to you by Jung Hoseok. The man you have loved to no end. You can’t move. You don’t budge. This embarrassment is so deep and severe, you just want to run.

That’s why Hoseok asked you why.

“Y/N? Y/N?” Hoseok reaches to hold you.

“I was accepted into Konkuk? You- you got it fixed for me? You-”

Your head is spinning, nothing makes sense anymore. All this time, you were robbed of being with Hoseok because of you. Not him, not fate, not destiny, not your parents, not the girl, not Konkuk University:

you.

Dropping the covers, you race to gather your things. You don’t even know if your flight has left yet. You don’t even know the time, but you must go home before you ruin everything again.

“Y/N? Please. Please hold on-”

You blur out his voice while you fumble to grab your things. Hoseok tries to stop you, his eyes pleading- begging. You don’t know how you remembered Stan’s phone number that Jaehyun happened to text you after the argument, but you manage to shoot Stan a text despite the chaos. All you hope is he is right down the road.

Somehow you find a way down the stairs while tears pour non-stop. How will you ever forgive yourself for the mess you made? Grabbing your suitcase, you struggle to put on your shoes while Hoseok tries to slip on his. When Stan arrives, you jump into the backseat where you and the man of your dreams made love paining you as you sob. He’s frantically begging you not to leave but you can’t bring yourself to now that you finally know the truth. You don’t even give Stan time to help you. Rather, you fling your suitcase into the back seat and slam the door before Hoseok reaches you.

“Y/N! Please don’t go! Please! We can figure this out!”

It’s all crashing down so hard as you hear Hoseok’s voice. You beg Stan to hurry, and as the limo turns to head to the airport, you see the man you love more than anything falling to his knees in mirroring agony.

{24}

It’s him.

It has always been him.

Your hands grip the steering wheel until your knuckles are white as your eyes stay focused on the road ahead. You barely made your flight that day, and with hushed tears, the whole flight was nothing but heavy misery.

When you made it home, you were too tired to pack anything, so you stayed bundled in you and Jaehyun’s bed with no will to want to do anything other than cry. It took another week for Jaehyun to return home and that’s when he convinced you to give the relationship another try. You thought staying was what you deserved because after what you did to Hoseok, you don’t deserve him anymore. And you still loved Jaehyun even if it wasn’t completely to the fullest as it should have been.

It was when the movie Hoseok and his friends were in blew up all around the world that you started seeing his face everywhere. Every picture, every magazine, every interview on television. Jaehyun, naturally, questioned about everything that happened between you and ‘that actor’ as he refers to Hoseok, so you summarized as vaguely as you could which still wasn’t enough for Jaehyun. Of course, you suppress the guilt as much as you can since that is all you have seemed to feel anymore.

“There is someone from my past that means the absolute world to me and always will.” Hoseok’s words from the interview that prompted Jaehyun to leave echoes silently in the car. “This person encouraged me and believed in me even when I didn’t know it. They said to not be afraid anymore. So, I took that advice and I’m thankful I did. Now, I’ve gained brotherhood and my dreams have come true.” The remote almost slipped from your hand while you stared in shock. You knew Jaehyun needed to know the truth because Hoseok was your truth.

The fight and the breakup are still fresh, but now that it’s dark, you wipe your fingers along your face to rid of the new tears.

Hoseok is known by the whole world now. Globally. He really did accomplish the dreams that you knew he could and would reach. He is going to make history for the rest of his life, and you will cheer him on no matter what distance. No matter what time. You will always cheer him on. Because he deserves it all.

The bleachers of the soccer field. That is where you wanted to escape to.

Stepping down the metal seats, you find the infamous spot where you would secretly watch Hoseok all those years ago as well as the times the friendship bloomed, and he would come see you every day before your dad picked you up.

You smile through the tears as you descend into the spot. The tall lights glisten with the stars as you sit back enough to feel the breeze and you can smell the mist of the humidity from the earlier evening rain. You don’t know how much time passes, nor do you care. You just want to be here where Hoseok used to be so you can relive all the memories and create memories you wish you could have shared with him during the years you took away.

Unexpectedly, you hear the familiar pounce of footsteps making their way down the bleachers perking your ear drums to tune into the sound. You are not sure who it could be at this time of night and you also aren’t sure if you should be afraid. You stiffen immediately once the steps stop. Silence.

“…Y/N?”

Standing in response ever so excruciatingly slow. You cannot believe the voice you are hearing. No way.

His voice is soft as flower petals when he says your name, and the tears brim as you turn to face him with unshed happiness blossoming along your heart because Jung Hoseok in the flesh is standing there with hope mingled with stunned nervousness evident in his expression. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

Swiping a tear, you hardly can believe it yourself, but now you understand why you felt the urge to come here. It’s because you were meant to because the stars were aligning for him to be here too. Where it all started. “I didn’t know you’d be here either.”

“I come here when I-”

“Need an escape.”

“And, to think about you.”

Your chin quivers as you keep his eyes connected with yours. It’s been a year since you have seen him, yet it still seems so fresh as if it all happened just yesterday. “I’m so sorry.” You whisper, trying to stifle a sob. “It was all my fault why we missed out on so many years we could have been together. It’s honestly even been years since I have been here. But something… something fueled me to come here, and here I am.”

“Well…” Hoseok clears his throat while he slips his cold fingers into his pockets. “I have a new rule for you.”

Looking at him, you wait for his response while you wipe at another tear that escapes.

“Please don’t say you’re sorry anymore. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“But I do.” You sniff to clear your airways. “I should have spoken to you the second I saw that damned picture, but I… I was so hurt and panicked that I let my selfishness take over when you needed me the most…

If I would have just waited for your call. Things would have been different. I should have asked about your friend, too. He was hurt and even though, I didn’t know him personally, I should have asked about him. Asked about you and how you were doing. If Jin was okay. There- there should have been consideration, but I let me get in the way of… Me. And I’m so sorry… Even for a year ago, the humiliation devastated me that I didn’t know how to face you. I think… I think I needed time to forgive myself for taking away time I could have spent being with you.” You stare down at your hands that are quivering from the anxiety.

“We still have time.” Hoseok murmurs. After a few seconds of silence, he speaks. “Now, come here.”

Flitting your gaze in surprise, it’s as if the tradition never ended, but this time, there will not be a single goodbye after this embrace. Immediately, you sprint to crash into his arms, bundling into his frame while the sobs are relentless. “It’s you, Hobi. It’s always been you. I’m so proud of you and all you have accomplished. I will never stop cheering you on or supporting you. You are everything to me.” He squeezes you so tight and fights to prevent his own tears from spilling onto your hair that tucks beneath his chin. He isn’t going to let you go. He holds you while you let it all out, crying all the guilt and the regret into his clothes while he comforts you the way he always will.

Into the evening, the pair of you find yourselves sitting on the bleachers staring at the stars where fingers are interlaced. This time you found the courage to grab his hand, sitting so close that shoulders are touching while the moon glistens above. Early memories begin to bud.

“Remember in elementary school when you took the blame for me smacking Kevin?”

A sly smile fills Hoseok’s face. “Do I! That was the best day of my life!”

You look at him incredulously. “You went to the principal’s office!”

“I know, but you smacked Kevin before I could, so I wanted to take some credit.”

“Oh God, then why were you his friend later on?”

Hoseok’s lips press in a firm line. “He didn’t have the best life growing up… Found him in tears one day so I gave him a chance. Then we lost touch.” He shrugs.

“Well, I hope he’s okay.”

“Me too.”

Silence lingers for a moment before you continue, “I guess my point of bringing up that whole situation is because that was the day, I started having feelings for you.” The serenity that collects in his gaze while he locks eyes with you breathes life into your heart just as strongly as his presence has the entirety of the night. “I don’t want to lose you anymore, Hoseok.” You whisper. “I’m done losing you.”

Hoseok’s eyes reflect serene emotion and after a few minutes of him moving forward to press a slow, sweet kiss to your forehead, you then notice his free hand moves to retrieve a square box from his jacket pocket. Pulling away slightly, you stare at the box then to Hoseok, then the box and then back to Hoseok. Speechless.

“I bring this with me every single time I visit here, but I didn’t realize the exact moment I needed would present itself.” He shifts to face you more while you stare in stunned silence. “This is a gift I’ve been wanting to give you for years… I got it back when I started college. The second I saw it, I saved up all I could so I could surprise you.” He then hands it to you. “Open it.”

Tears are in your eyes as you bring shaky fingers to your lips. You reach for the gift and lift the lid cautiously to see the most beautiful shimmering necklace you have ever seen. The diamonds smile back at you while the symbol of a page from a script beams in the moonlight. “I know it’s not exactly how we met, but it is definitely what brought us together.”

“Hoseok!” You cry, as he reaches for the necklace. You move slightly as he helps you put it on. You can’t take your eyes off the symbol. How did he even find something so perfect and so beautiful? “Hoseok, I- I love it so much! I don’t- I don’t even- I haven’t-”

His hands find your cheeks to force you to look into his eyes which ceases your panic.

“You are enough.” He means every word and you feel his heart connecting with yours beyond what you can fathom. “Also,” he smiles excitingly. “The offer still stands at Konkuk University if you still want to attend. There’s plenty slots open.”

“Oh, Hoseok!” You burst with elation. Immediately, he leans into you, pressing his lips to yours igniting the magic that comes alive because the pair of you have finally found each other and refuse to let it diminish. Not anymore.

“I love you.” You gasp between kisses. “I never stopped loving you.” You cling to him while he deepens the kisses, pulling you even closer.

“I love you, more...” He whispers. “And I will never stop.”

130 notes · View notes

justasparkwritings · 2 years

Text

{Once} II. Dear Seokjin

{Once} II. Dear Seokjin,

Previous: Dear Yoongi

Once Master List

Dear Seokjin,

I got your letter.

I read your apology.

I do not forgive you for what you did.

I do not forgive you for what you said.

I do not forgive you for how you treated me.

I loved you, once.

But I don’t anymore.

Sincerely,

Next: Dear Jimin

#justasparkwritings #OT7 series #once #don't forget that you loved me #BTS angst #break up #love letters #BTS letters #kim namjoon angst #Kim seokjin angst #min yoongi angst #jung hoseok angst #park jimin angst #Kim taheyung angst #jeon jungkook angst #BTS x reader #BTS x you #justasparkanthology

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rmsrkive · 10 months

Text

unconditionally — jung hoseok

summary: for the past three, almost four years, it has only been you and your twins after having been abandoned by your ex-boyfriend. you expected it to remain that way for the rest of your lives until one day you accidentally run into one of his bandmates at the park

pairings: ex-boyfriend/baby daddy!hoseok x f. reader (exes to lovers)

warnings: none

rating: pg-13 (just in case LOL)

word count: 6024

taglist [closed]: @darkphoenix5037 @mushroom-main @tescomealdeals-blog @persnyako @violetpenguinkris @loveforred @thedarkeside @coffeewanderer @inlovewithallmusic @deejay08 @cryinginmyroomsposts @ilikekpop-c @aloverga @as-hs-blog @bangtanlovesk @mintchocoss @hopeonysus @smoltika @jjkluver7 @earth2joon @oricepiphany @ayoo-bangtan @honsoolgloss @shadowyjellyfishfest @nochuel @addictedtohobi @renoirgoh @btsfluffsworld

author's note: honestly the first chapter did not come out the way i wanted to so it's safe to say that this fic is not off to a good start 😭 please have low expectations while reading this LOL

masterlist

Nothing made you happier than a warm spring day. Something about the beautiful blue sky, the temperature slowly rising with a cool breeze while seeing the first hints of green after a dreary winter made you smile from ear to ear. You always took advantage of a wonderful spring day and could stay outside from sunrise to sunset. And today was no exception to that. You sat on a picnic blanket with Jaeyoung on your lap as Jaehee was blowing bubbles in front of you.

Jaeyoung squealed and clapped his hands as the bubbles flew in his direction, reaching out to pop the ones that were within arm's length. One landed on his nose, causing him to go cross-eyed as he tried to look at it. You giggled and snapped a quick picture before popping the bubble. His sweet laugh rang in your ears, making you lean down and kiss his forehead. Jaehee waved her hand around wildly in hopes of making more bubbles form but instead, the soapy liquid flew everywhere.

You stand corrected: nothing makes you happier than a warm spring day with your twins.

"Eomma, do you or JaeJae want to blow bubbles?" Jaehee asked, waving the wand in your face.

"I think you should show JaeJae the wand first." You answered.

She handed Jaeyoung the wand, who merely stared at it. Jaehee frowned but didn't let his lack of response deter her, instead holding it in front of you instead. You took the wand from her and blew bubbles much bigger than they had seen. There was only so much air that Jaehee could exhale and most of her bubbles were tiny. The twins stared at the bubbles in awe before running around to chase after them. You watched them fondly, an overwhelming warmth washing over you from the mere sight of them excited over something as simple as bubbles.

"Jaehee, do you want more fruit?" You called, picking up the container of fruit that was filled with berries.

"Yes, please."

She came running over and took a seat beside you to resume her snacking that was momentarily paused by the bubbles. You called out to Jaeyoung as well but he ignored you, continuing to occupy himself with a stick he had found after losing interest in the bubbles. With a strawberry stabbed into a yellow plastic fork in one hand, you approached your son and squatted beside him.

"Jaeyoung," You said softly so you wouldn't startle him.

"Eomma, look! Stick.”

The widest smile spread across his face at the sight of you. You smiled back at him, holding out the fork in front of him, which he snatched out of your hand and ate in one bite. He then turned his attention back to the stick, waving it around excitedly, almost poking himself in the eye while he was at it.

"Be careful, JaeJae."

Jaeyoung was a splitting image of you. From the shape of his eyes to the fullness of his lips, he was an exact reflection of you. His resemblance to you was one of the first things that the nurses pointed out once he popped out of your womb. Even at three years old, his features remained the same and he was your mini-me.

You left Jaeyoung alone, watching him fondly as he played around in the grass, finding entertainment in ripping handfuls of it before letting the wind blow it away from his hand. Jaehee waddled over towards you, plopping down in your lap with a couple of wildflowers in her hand that she picked.

"Look, eomma, flowers!" She exclaimed.

Jaehee, on the other hand, looked nothing like you. In fact, she seemed to take all of the features of her father. You still were shocked whenever you took a good look at her, wondering how it was possible for her to be a carbon copy of her father. It was amazing how each twin looked exactly like either of their parents and if anybody were to ever see the four of you, they would know immediately that you guys were a family.

"They're so pretty, Petal." You beamed. "Do you want to put one in your hair?"

You gently tucked the flower into her hair, adjusting accordingly so it wouldn't fall out. You couldn't help but snap a dozen pictures of her, giggling at how she posed for every single one. You couldn't believe how photogenic a three-year-old could be; she would be a great model if she ever decided to pursue a modeling career in the future.

"You look so pretty, baby." You cooed, leaving a big smooch on her cheek.

Jaehee smiled at you with a giggle, wiping your kiss off, to which you dramatically pouted. You peppered her face in kisses, making her squeal as she tried to escape your grasp.

"I kiss you too." She leaned in and kissed you smack on your lips.

"Oh, thank you." You laughed.

"Eomma!" Jaeyoung came walking over. "A doggie!"

You looked to your right and saw a rather big dog sniffing his way over in your direction. It looked up at the three of you, letting out a bark before bounding over. The twins excitedly met the dog halfway, being easily knocked over by the sheer size difference. They stood back up, however, laughing as the dog licked them all over their face and sniffed them frantically.

"Why hello there." You greeted the dog, getting up on your knees to pet it. You received a lick on your cheek in response. "What's your name?" You took a look at the collar, reading 'Jeon Bam' which was engraved on the tag.

"Bam!"

A man's voice startled you as Bam barked loudly upon hearing his name. The Doberman quickly abandoned the three of you and ran over to the figure who began scolding him, jumping up onto his hind legs out of excitement.

"Bam, you can't run away like that!"

When you looked up and caught a glimpse of who was in front of you, you felt like throwing up.

It had been over four years since you saw Jeon Jungkook in front of you. The last time you spoke to him was when he stared at you in disappointment as you begged him to let you into his dorm so you could speak with his bandmate. Seeing him in the flesh seemed unreal. You swore that you would never see him again yet here he was, standing in front of you as he smiled down at the twins fondly.

"Did you make new friends, Bamie?" Jungkook cooed, affectionately rubbing his head.

“Puppy!” Jaeyoung shrieked, launching his entire body forward and onto Bam.

You gasped in horror and quickly grabbed him, pulling him off of Bam, who was unfazed. “JaeJae, that was not nice. You have to be gentle, remember? Nice hands.”

Jungkook chuckled. “No worries, he’s so much smaller than Bam that he didn’t even feel it.”

You smiled wearily, waiting for him to realize who he was speaking to.

“Sorry about him knocking your kids over, he usually doesn’t run off when I take his leash off. I guess he saw the three of you and—"

Jungkook's voice left him as he finally looked up, making eye contact with the woman he was talking with for the past few minutes. His doe eyes grew to the size of saucers that you thought his eyes were going to fall out of their sockets. You simply smiled, struggling to hide the overwhelming wave of emotions that were drowning you.

"Y/N?" His voice was small, reminding you of Jaehee when you scolded her for doing something she wasn't supposed to.

"Hi, Jungkook."

Your voice was merely a whisper, for you feared you would burst into tears if you spoke louder. You forced yourself to push down the lump in your throat since you knew that you couldn't afford to break into tears with the twins in front of you. Maybe if you were alone, you would allow yourself to shed a few tears but you couldn't right now.

"Is that really you, noona?" Jungkook asked.

That damn honorific; you always found it weird being addressed as noona by other guys but it was endearing when it came from Jungkook and hearing him call you noona made you wonder if he still saw you the same way he did when he was friends.

"It really is me." You laughed, tears burning your eyes as you watched Jungkook's eyes flash with all kinds of emotions.

He crouched down in front of you, reaching his hand out to wipe the tear that fell down your face. You flinched, jerking your head away from him before he could touch you, wiping away the tear yourself. Your stomach twisted as his face dropped in hurt, gulping when he bit down on his lip and quickly retracted his hand.

"Where have you been, noona?" Jungkook asked.

"I've always been here, Kook. I just made sure to stay out of your way." You responded, uncaring about how harsh the truth was.

He glanced over at the twins, who were still occupied with Bam. The Doberman had taken it upon himself to curl up on the picnic blanket, content with the way Jaehee and Jaeyoung were petting him. Jungkook smiled at the sight for a split second before it dropped as quickly as it appeared.

"Is it because of—"

"Yup."

A heavy silence fell between the two of you. You didn't want to be so rude to Jungkook after seeing him for the first time in four years but you couldn't help but be angry that he was acting as if he didn't dump you on the side of the road after your breakup with Hoseok. He had been one of the people who accused you of cheating and his mere presence was close to sending you into a fit of tears.

"Does hyung know?" Jungkook's tone was cautionary, almost as if he was afraid to ask you.

"No. He blocked me after I sent the first ultrasound pictures that the doctor gave me. He doesn't even know that I have twins." You replied blankly.

Jungkook never experienced being stabbed by someone but with your blunt words and harsh tone, he felt as if you had attempted to stab him countless times. He always knew in the back of his mind that he shouldn't expect you to be kind in the instance that he saw you again but talking to you in real-time made it hurt all the more. And he knew that he had no right to be hurt when he contributed to all of the pain you felt over the last four years since the breakup.

"Oh."

You got up onto your knees and began packing the picnic basket. Jungkook watched helplessly as you quickly placed your containers and bottles in the basket, almost as if you were rushing to get away from him. "Time to go home, say bye bye to Bam."

Jaehee waved at Bam as you picked her up in one arm, holding the basket with the same hand. You grabbed Jaeyoung's hand, grateful that neither of the twins was putting up a fight, and instead found interest in the dandelions that had turned white.

"Y/N—”

"I have to go home, the twins need to take a nap before it's too late in the afternoon. It was nice seeing you again, Jungkook."

Without another word, you headed towards the parking lot beside the car, leaving Jungkook with no choice but to watch you disappear again. He swallowed the lump in his throat, unable to tear his eyes away even after you placed the twins in their car seats and drove out of the parking lot.

"It was nice seeing you too, noona."

"Are you sure it was Y/N?"

"For the hundredth time, yes!"

Namjoon, Seokjin, and Yoongi flinched from Jungkook's sharp tone, muttering an apology under their breath. The maknae had been on edge ever since he came over to the dorm with Bam, clearly agitated from whatever happened while he was out. Seokjin had been the one to gather the other hyungs when Jungkook simply replied with your name after he asked what was wrong.

Jungkook ran his hand through his hair in frustration, irritated with how none of them believed that he saw you at the park. How could he mistake you for someone else when you had left such a distinct mark on his life? You also responded when he said your name and your children were carbon copies of you and Hoseok. How could it not be you?

"And she was there with two kids?" Seokjin asked.

"Yes, one boy and one girl. They're pretty young so I'm sure they're Hoseok hyung's kids."

Namjoon scowled at how quickly Jungkook assumed that they were Hoseok's children. "How do you know that it's not some other man's kids?"

"Because his daughter is him but with long hair! If you took one look at her you would know that they're Hoseok hyung's kids. Y/N didn't cheat like we all thought she did."

The room fell silent at Jungkook's outburst as his words sunk in. It felt as if somebody dump a bucket of cold water over their heads, the reality of what happened four years ago coming to light. All of them had been so convinced that you cheated on Hoseok with how angry he was and with the proof he had that they assumed all these years that you were pregnant with another man's kid.

"We were wrong." Jungkook's voice cracked as tears welled up in his eyes yet again. "We were so fucking wrong about Y/N."

Namjoon placed his hand on his shoulder, rubbing it comfortingly. "It's okay, Kook. None of us knew."

"Yeah, but we still treated her like she was the scum of the Earth and she raised twins on her own for the past four years. We all know that she didn't deserve any of that."

Out of everybody in Bangtan, Jungkook was the most affected by abruptly cutting you out of his life other than Hoseok. Though he wasn't the member you were closest with, he had a kind heart and a pure soul. Refusing to let you see Hoseok after the initial demand to break up and blaming you for cheating on his best friend tore him inside. He didn't want to believe that you would do something as cruel as cheating but Hoseok would always come first. Part of him always felt guilty for pushing you out of his life, even if it had been four years.

"What are we going to do? We have to tell Hoseok hyung, don't we?" Jungkook asked.

Yoongi shook his head. "I think it's best if we don't tell him. He's been better off without Y/N and you saw how long it took for him to move past the breakup. If she stayed in Seoul and none of us have run into her for the past four years, I highly doubt it'll happen now."

"That's not fair, he deserves to know!" Jungkook protested.

"Yeah, I think we should tell him. Just so he knows and isn't kept in the dark." Namjoon agreed.

Seokjin raised his eyebrows. "Does he deserve to know? He blew up on Y/N, accused her of cheating when he could've asked to take a paternity test. He abandoned her and left her to raise their twins on her own knowing that she had nobody in her life to help her. Do you really think he deserves to know?"

Silence could be suffocating. It was amazing how something so simple could grab you by the throat and leave you gasping for air. Seokjin and Yoongi stared at Namjoon and Jungkook, their arms crossed and chins up with defiance while the younger cowered away from their pointed looks. Namjoon may be the leader of the group, but Seokjin and Yoongi were the eldest, and sometimes they knew better. Namjoon understood that and respected it, but this time, he wasn't sure if they really did know better.

Jung Hoseok was observant.

It was a trait he picked up and developed after being the dance leader of Bangtan for nine years. He spotted even the smallest mistakes that the members made during the choreography, keeping it in mind to help correct them after the run-through. In the instances where he missed the mistakes, either the expressions of the members would give it away or they would confess that they messed up. This situation fell under both categories. He could tell some of the members were hiding something from him and knew someone would eventually crack and tell him what was going on. That someone was Jungkook.

Hoseok noticed that Seokjin, Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jungkook seemed to know something other members didn't. He also noticed that it didn't involve Taehyung or Jimin as they acted normally around them. Maybe Hoseok was a bit too observant. Or maybe he knew his brothers well enough to be aware that they were hiding something from him. He didn't know when Jungkook was going to fess up but it wouldn't be long until he did. After all, he could never hide anything from his beloved Hoseok hyung.

"I feel like we haven't talked in a while, Jungkookie." Hoseok collapsed on the floor beside the maknae, leaning against the wall before taking a sip out of his water.

Jungkook looked at him amusedly, his eyes twinkling. "What do you mean, hyung? We talk almost every day."

"No, I mean we haven't talk-talked. We need to catch up." He replied. He then moved closer to Jungkook with a smile. "Anything new in your life?"

Okay, so maybe Hoseok wasn't being as subtle as he thought. He came up with an elaborate plan on how to coax Jungkook into telling him what he was hiding but it didn't seem to be going to plan. His eagerness to find out what was going on muddled his brain and he couldn't help but spit out his immediate thoughts.

"No, nothing new. I've been just playing games at home and lying around when I'm not with you guys." Jungkook answered.

Hoseok narrowed his eyes at him, giving him an accusing look. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yes?"

"Really?"

"I'm not really following right now," Jungkook confessed. "Why are you interrogating me right now?"

"Because I know you're hiding something, Jeon Jungkook." Hoseok hissed, his resolve breaking. "And I know that the other hyungs know too. Now tell me, what are you guys hiding from me?"

The maknae's eyes widened as he backed away from him. "What are you talking about? We're not hiding anything."

Whether or not Jungkook drastically improved his acting and lying skills, Hoseok didn't know but he was doing a magnificent job at not spilling whatever secret was floating around between half of the group.

"Yes, you guys are." Hoseok accused. "I'm not an idiot and have seen you guys whispering for the past week. What's going on?"

Jungkook let out a laugh before shaking his head. "You must be crazy. I think you're misinterpreting normal conversations for something that they're not."

"Are you gaslighting me right now?" Hoseok had to admit that he was acting out of line. He was treading on a hunch and there was no solid evidence that Jungkook and the rest of the hyung line knew something he didn't. But seeing the way Jungkook was pretending as if he wasn't whispering behind his back even if he wasn't keeping a secret was irking him.

"I'm not, promise." Jungkook laughed. "I've got nothing to hide and even if I did, you would be the first person I would tell. Have I ever kept something from you?”

"No," Hoseok reluctantly answered.

"Exactly." Jungkook pointed out. "There's no secret being kept. Don't worry about something that doesn't even exist."

"The universe has never been on your side, Y/L/N, Y/N."

"Tell me about it." You sighed.

You took a sip of your blueberry hibiscus tea, slamming it down against the table miserably. Eunae stared at you sympathetically, patting you on the shoulder in a poor attempt to make you feel better. She perked up when her boyfriend approached the table with a slice of strawberry shortcake in his hand, immediately taking it from him to place it in front of you.

"Here, eat this. You'll feel better after you eat some cake." She urged, picking up a forkful.

"Thanks for the cake, Seungcheol." You mumbled before opening your mouth to take a bite.

Eunae was your delivery nurse while you gave birth to the twins. You were grateful that your nurse was somebody your age, as it brought more comfort to have a person who could understand you. The rest of your delivery team were middle-aged adults and while they were the most excellent team you could ask for, it was hard trying to connect to them. You and Eunae hit it off immediately upon meeting each other and she had been in your life ever since.

For the past three years, she had been by your side to help you raise Jaehee and Jaeyoung without hesitation. After realizing that you were a single mother with no support system, she befriended you and took you in with open arms. Even if you had family and friends to rely on, there was no doubt that the two of you would've remained friends.

Seungcheol, on the other hand, was somebody you met through Eunae. Your first time meeting him was nothing short of awkward and embarrassing, and it was something the three of you never dared to discuss. About a year after the twins were born, Eunae revealed that she had been seeing a guy and that they were officially dating for six months. While you were initially upset that she never told you, she explained that she couldn’t tell you because she quite legally wasn’t allowed to. Your first assumption was that Eunae was dating perhaps some top-secret government worker who could end either of their lives if he wanted to.

What you didn’t assume was that you would find her making out on her couch with Choi Seungcheol.

"What the fuck?" You squawked.

Eunae and Seungcheol immediately jumped apart from one another, scrambling to fix their clothes and hair while avoiding eye contact. You gaped at them, unable to believe that your best friend was dating a K-pop idol, specifically one who was a member of one of the most popular groups in Korea. Their faces were beet red, unable to look you in the eye.

“You’re dating Choi Seungcheol?” You screeched. “Seventeen’s leader S. Coups? User Sound_of_Coups on Instagram?”

“Shut the fuck up, Y/N!” Eunae shrieked, chucking a pillow at your face.

You quickly dodged it, scowling at her as the twins almost flew out of their stroller. Luckily, they remained asleep amidst the chaos, unaware of what was unfolding in front of them. “Hey, you're going to hit the twins if you're not careful. Watch it.”

“I don’t fucking care,” Eunae growled. “Why didn’t you knock?”

“Because you leave the door unlocked for me to walk in whenever you dumb bitch.”

“Are you allowed to be swearing in front of them that much?” Seungcheol piped up.

You and Eunae paused, looking over at the twins for a brief second before shaking your heads.

“They’re asleep, they can’t hear us,” Eunae said.

Seungcheol tilted his head, unsure of how accurate her statement was but accepted it regardless. He then stood up from the couch, bowing to you as he introduced himself. "Hi, Y/N, I'm Seungcheol. It's nice to finally meet you, I've heard a lot about you from Eunae."

"All good things, I hope." You joked, pressing on the brakes from the strollers before Eunae pushed you aside to grab one of the sleeping twins, cooing about how she missed them.

"Only great things." Seungcheol smiled. "Eunae speaks highly of you so I've been excited to meet you. "I'm sorry about the circumstances we met under, I had no idea you would be visiting today."

You shook your head as you swung your diaper bag over your shoulder and picked up Jaeyoung. "No, please don't apologize. It was my fault for not knocking. Eunae usually lets me walk in whenever I come over and I didn't expect her to have a guest. I'm glad to meet you though."

Admittedly, you were a bit skeptical about her relationship with Seungcheol after your past disaster of a relationship with Hoseok but kept your mouth shut about it. You knew you weren't in the place to judge considering that you didn't know much about Seungcheol nor was it fair to assume that all idols were the same. The last thing you wanted to do was displace your ill feelings from Hoseok onto Seungcheol. Over the past two years, however, you learned that Seungcheol was nothing like Hoseok and you had nothing to be worried about in regards to his intentions with Eunae.

They first met during the Ode to You Tour after Eunae had been hired to work as one of the onsite nurses for the group. She and Seungcheol hit it off well during the few months Seungcheol was part of the tour, even remaining in contact after his hiatus from group activities. Eunae became somebody he often confided in, sharing his worries and in return receiving valuable advice. Once the tour was finished, Eunae landed a job at the hospital you delivered the twins which is how your friendship came to be. Not too long after she began working there, Seungcheol asked her out and their relationship soon came to be.

"Are you going to tell Hoseok?" Seungcheol asked. "There's no way Jungkook isn't going to tell him about the twins."

That was the one thing you were certain about following the conversation with Jungkook. The maknae quite literally worshipped the ground Hoseok walked in and while you were dating Hoseok, you had seen many instances of Jungkook's immense love for him. After the fight you and Jungkook had before you cut all contact, there was no doubt that he would go running to his hyung and open his mouth about who he saw at the park.

"I don't know, to be honest. Hoseok doesn't think the twins are his so I don't think he'll care that Jungkook saw me. He'll probably just get angry and end the conversation." You aggressively stabbed at your cake, scooping the piece into your mouth.

"I wouldn't tell him if I was you. He made the choice to accuse you of cheating when he literally could've gotten a paternity test done and left you alone to raise not one but two children on your own. He has no right to know about the twins nor be in your lives. I say fu-screw him." Eunae slammed her fist on the table, startling Jaehee.

Seungcheol gave her a disapproving look, shifting Jaeyoung on his lap so he could take Jaehee away from her. "You're scaring Jaehee."

Eunae snatched her back, settling Jaehee on her lap before ticking her stomach. "Jaehee knows that Eunae imo isn't scary, right, neoguri?"

You rolled your eyes, thinking about all of the times Eunae accidentally scared the twins with her loud voice and enthusiastic personality. She was perhaps the most outgoing and bubbly person you met, which was no match for her tiny figure. Sometimes you felt like she was meant to be six feet tall but was unfortunately trapped in a five-foot body. Her attitude and personality certainly made up for the lack of inches in her height.

"I think it's best if I don't tell him. If Jungkook told him then that's fine because there's nothing I can do. I don't think he's ever kept a secret from Hoseok out of all people." You groaned, dropping your head on the table.

Eunae moved the cake away from your hair, tutting as she wiped some frosting off. "Honestly, Jungkook doesn't deserve to know about the twins either, considering how he treated you when you ran into him at the dorm. He's equally as bad as Hoseok. Public enemy number two in my eyes."

You laughed at her comment as you lifted your head off of the table, grateful that she had been loyal to you from the start. She and Seungcheol, alongside the Seventeen members, were the only ones who you really had in your life. Though you lacked so much compared to them and lived a life that strayed away from the norm, they easily welcomed you into their lives with open arms and brought you in to be part of their family.

"What if you run into him? You ran into Jungkook so surely you'll run into Hoseok at some point too, whether you're with the twins or not." Seungcheol pointed out.

You scrunched up your face at the mere thought of bumping into your ex-boyfriend. You were quite positive that you would punch his annoyingly beautiful face if you ever saw him again and had even learned how to throw a proper punch from Mingyu just in case. "I think I would punch him. Or run back in the direction I came from."

"You better punch him, Y/L/N Y/N or god so help me," Eunae growled. "I'll punch him too so he can walk around with matching black eyes."

"You are so violent." Seungcheol smiled tightly.

"It's the only answer."

He simply kissed her on the forehead, nodding along in agreement as she angrily muttered about how much she hated Hoseok and what she planned on doing if she ever came across him. "You do that, baby."

"I don't know what I'm going to do if I see him again. I truly think I might implode." You mumbled.

Seungcheol laughed nervously, as he glanced over at the door upon hearing the bell ringing. "Would seeing the other members make you implode?"

"I don't know, probably not."

"Good, because Jungkook and Yoongi just walked in,"

Eunae immediately snapped her head up. "What?"

She gasped loudly, swatting at you to get your attention. To your utter horror, Jungkook and Yoongi were approaching the counter as they stared at the menu. They were wearing a hat and masks to cover up their faces but it was obvious to you and Seungcheol that it was them. Eunae narrowed her eyes, wondering how Seungcheol was able to recognize them so easily when their hats almost covered their eyes and their mask hid half of their face. Luckily, the three of you were secluded in the corner of the cafe so that nobody would spot Seungcheol.

"Y/N, move down one seat so you're against the wall. Cheol, go sit beside her."

The two of you immediately obeyed, switching around the seats before Eunae passed Jaehee to the two of you. Your heart was racing as you curled into your daughter, barely registering Eunae telling Seungcheol to wrap his arm around your waist and pull you close to his body to hide you from Yoongi and Jungkook to the best of his abilities.

"I know this is weird but when you guys sit like that it looks like you guys are a random couple. There's no way either of them will be able to recognize you two especially with your backs facing them." Eunae explained in a low tone.

All you could hear was your heart pounding in your ears as you stared down at the table, remaining frozen as Seungcheol and Eunae talked among themselves in hushed tones. Jaehee and Jaeyoung were fortunately distracted by the new coloring books Eunae gifted them, unaware of the panic between the three of you. Bile rose in your throat as you heard Jungkook and Yoongi laughing, their voices becoming louder as they walked closer to your table.

The unfortunate part about the table you had chosen was that it was near the pickup counter. Though there was still a good distance between the table and the counter, there was a higher chance you would be spotted. Seungcheol moved even closer to you, placing his elbow on the table and resting his face on his hand so he could block Jaeyoung's face completely. Eunae watched them discreetly, occasionally glancing at them to assure that neither of them had spotted you. It was shocking that they were at the same coffee shop the three of you were at, considering that it was the most common meetup spot and you had yet to see any of the BTS members walk in. Whether they had already been customers you didn't know but your run-ins with them no longer felt like coincidences.

"I think they're gonna leave soon, Yoongi just grabbed his drink and they're making Jungkook's, I'm pretty sure," Eunae reported.

"What's taking them so long to make two drinks?" Seungcheol grumbled. "How complicated are their orders?" He then glanced down at his arm that was around your face, cringing at the proximity. "Sorry, Y/N, but if I have to hold you like this any longer I might have to spill Eunae's drink on you."

"Not if I do it first." You sneered.

Eunae rolled her eyes at the childish remarks, wondering how Seungcheol was the leader of a thirteen-member band while you were the mother of twins yet both of you acted like elementary school students. "Lucky for you guys, they're gone." She remarked dryly.

Seungcheol ripped his arm away and happily sat back down beside Eunae, sliding his arm around her waist before dropping his face into the crook of her neck. "Thank fucking god, if I had to touch her for another second I was going to call Yoongi and Jungkook over."

Eunae gasped, aggressively slapping him for the rude comment. "Choi Seungcheol, watch what you say!"

"I think you need a new boyfriend." You folded your hands on the table, tightly smiling at the couple in front of you. "A better one."

She ignored your comment, instead turning back to the issue at hand. "It looks like you'll have to be careful for the next few days, Y/N. Running into Yoongi once and Jungkook twice means that you're a lot closer to Hoseok than you thought."

It seemed as if your issue of running into Yoongi and Jungkook stemmed from your recent move. You moved into a new apartment about two months ago after saving up to move to a bigger one. You and the twins lived in a one-bedroom apartment that was far too cramped for the three of you but you couldn't afford to move to a bigger place up until the new year. You spent the past three years saving up to move to an apartment that was well-fit for the twins to grow up. Though you lived in Seoul previously, your new apartment was closer to the heart of the city and it seemed like that was where the Bangtan members were located.

"I knew I should've moved into a different apartment." You lamented, dropping your head back onto the table.

Eunae reached out and brushed your hair soothingly. "Everything's going to be okay, Y/N. If you run into Hoseok, then you run into Hoseok. Whatever happens, just know that Cheol and I are always by your side. Don't worry too much."

You smiled at her, grateful that she was doing all she could to comfort you even to the point where she dragged her unwilling boyfriend along with her. Despite her words, however, tears stung your eyes as you pressed your lips together, trying to stop them from falling. The fears that accumulated over the years were reaching their breaking point and bumping into Hoseok would surely tip you over the edge.

Even though he was the one who had left you and the twins, you had a nasty feeling that you would be fighting to keep your kids within arm's reach.

#jung hoseok #jhope #bts jhope #jhope fic #hoseok fic #hobi fic #hoseok x reader #jhope x reader #hobi x reader #hoseok angst #bts fic #unconditionally

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thebangtancloud · 2 years

Note

Hi! Can you do part 2 to the “they can’t find you after a fight” reaction? Love your writings 💖

He can't find you after asking you to leave during an argument (part 2) ~ BTS Reactions

Genre: Angst, Fluff

A/n: Some won't have happy endings, just a heads up :)Alsooo I TOTALLY got carried away and wrote too much lol, enjoy!

← Part 1 // BTS Reactions // Masterlist

Kim Namjoon:

Namjoon released a sigh of relief the moment his eyes landed on your figure not too far away from him, jogging up to you and frowning when you didn't look up at him.

"Why did you leave?" Namjoon huffed, wiping his brown and sitting down beside you on the pavement. His leg extended across the road, slipping his hand into his pocket to take your phone out.

"You even left this behind, you scared the shit out of me, (Y/n)."

You looked across at the passing cars without responding, the flashing lights occasionally illuminating your face and making the tears in your eyes visible to Namjoon.

"Baby, I'm sorry," Namjoon whispered under his breath. "I really am. Would you please look at me?"

Namjoon tentatively poked a finger into your forearm, testing the waters to see if you'd react badly. When you didn't, Namjoon delicately slipped his hand into your palm and ran his thumb over the skin of your wrist.

"I'm really sorry. I was being such a jerk."

When a lone tear rolled down the side of your face, Namjoon looked pained. He reached up and wiped it away with the back of his hand, giving it a few more swipes when he accidentally got some of the dirt that was on his hand onto your skin.

"Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

You breathed out shakily, dropping your gaze and looking down. When Namjoon shuffled closer to you, a tear in his jeans caught your attention.

"What's this?" You reached for the material over his knee. Namjoon quickly jerked away in panic, letting go of your hand and holding it over his knee.

"Nothing," he squeaked, clearing his throat and repeating it again.

"Show me," you placed your hand over his, tugging it away from his jeans. You tenderly touched the denim material that was darkened with dirt and mud, not missing the wince that came from him when you pulled it away from his skin.

"Did you fall?" You looked up into his eyes through the darkness of the night.

"No?"

"Don't lie to me," you snapped, losing your patience. You unlocked your phone to turn the torch on but his warm hand that covered yours stopped you.

"Don't see it."

"Namjoon," you tried to convince him. "Show me."

"No. I've hurt you enough already." Namjoon swallowed thickly, taking your phone away from you and pushing it back into his pocket.

"Seeing how bad it is won't hurt me, Namjoon."

"You sure about that?" He quipped, giving you a pointed look. You sighed, your shoulders dropping in defeat.

"At least tell me what happened."

"I fell for you, again," he smirked to himself when you clicked your tongue, shoving his shoulder lightly.

"Does it hurt?" You placed two delicate fingers over his thigh, frightened that you'd hurt him.

"A little, not as much as I hurt you, though."

"Right," you scoffed under your breath. "You did hurt me."

Namjoon nodded sadly. "I'm really sorry, baby. I didn't even take a moment to think about what you might've been feeling, that was really bad of me. I'm sorry for all the shit I told you."

"It's alri-"

"I'm sorry for asking you to leave the car. That was very low of me. It wasn't safe and I still let you go. I'm sorry."

"It's okay now," you sighed tiredly. "I knew you needed your time to calm down, so I let you be. I also know that you're genuinely sorry, so it's fine now. Let's just go home."

"At times like this, I wish I passed that stupid driving test," he mumbled under his breath. "I can't even drive you back home like a proper boyfriend should."

You snorted, standing up and holding a hand out for him to take.

"I'll teach you how to drive. Because if this ever happens again, I won't be sitting just a few minutes away from you. You'll need a car to find me, then."

"I'll just stick to running."

You gasped at his words.

"Are you saying that this could happen aga-"

Namjoon quickly covered your mouth with his hand, pushing you in the direction of the car.

"No. It's never happening again. Nope."

Kim Seokjin: (sunburnt Seokjin on demand)

Seokjin felt lightheaded, coming to a stop under a tree and holding a palm over his head.

"Holy shit," he gasped, pushing his fingers into his eyes that were burning. "Why is it so hot?"

Turning to see if he could sit down somewhere for a while, he paused when he caught sight of someone wearing the same shirt that you had worn. Blinking a few times, Seokjin let out a tiny scream, stomping his foot on the ground and looking back at you again.

"At least she's safe," he grumbled, making a run for it and wincing when a drop of sweat slipped into his right eye.

You jumped in surprise when the door of the little shop slammed open, the three heads that were peacefully eating their noodles all turning to look at the source of the noise.

"Looks like you're having fun, huh?" Seokjin exhaled, holding onto the last bit of his anger before deflating into a sigh and shaking his head.

"Why weren't you answering my calls?"

"I didn't want to," you shrugged, picking up your raspberry crush and taking a long sip. "Why were you calling me anyway? I was tempted to just answer and tell you to shut up."

"You should've," Seokjin complained, walking over to sit across from you. You quickly raised your feet from under the table, crossing them and placing them over the cushioned seat that he was going to sit on.

He looked up at you in disbelief.

"Go sit somewhere else."

"Is your name written on this seat that you're not letting me sit?" He sassed, placing the carton of ORS and the chocolate that he had been carrying all this time on the table.

"Actually it is," you took another sip before pointing at the seat. "Look closely."

Seokjin swallowed thickly at the sight of the icy refreshment in your hand, tempted to take it from you and drink the rest of it. Reluctantly detaching his gaze from the glass, Seokjin looked down at the seat to see a tissue placed over it with the words 'Seat reserved for people who are not jerks.'

"Pfft-" Seokjin scoffed, widening his eyes and looking at you like you had grown an extra head. "What the hell?"

"It is what it is, get out. Oh- thank you so much," you bowed gratefully at the old lady who waddled over with a plate of pasta and a warm smile. "This smells delicious."

"Eat well, and don't faint again, okay? I'll get you another juice."

Seokjin's eyes grew twice in size, his head snapping back to you when the lady walked away.

"You fainted?!"

"Not really," you rolled your eyes. "I told her to say that in front of you so that you'd feel like shit."

"You'd never admit that to me if you really did that, (Y/n)," he placed a hand over his hip. "Did you faint?"

"I didn't," you picked up your fork, avoiding his eye. Seokjin breathed out through his nose, taking a step towards you before pushing you further in and sitting beside you.

"Did you faint? I'm asking you for the last time."

"Oh?" your eyebrows raised at his words. "What will you do if I don't tell you? Kick me out of this restaurant?"

"You-" Seokjin resisted the urge to reach for your throat. "Just tell me if you fainted, (Y/n)."

"What will you do if I tell you that I did?" You picked up a lovely amount of the pasta, opening your mouth to take a big bite. Seokjin's eyes followed your movements, silently cursing himself when you sighed at the taste of the pasta.

"You fainted, didn't you?"

"Just for a moment," you mumbled with your mouth full. Seokjin reached for a tissue when he saw the sauce drip down from the side of your mouth, but you wiped it away before he could.

"I walked in here and wanted to ask for a drink, but I fell before I could reach the counter. That old lady helped me up."

"How do you feel right now?" Seokjin bit his lip guiltily.

"I'm fine," you shrugged, "It's been almost half an hour, and I've already had a few sweet things, so I'm alright now."

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, looking down into his lap. "It didn't even strike me that you left without eating. I know how weak you get."

"I left?" you rolled your eyes. "You kicked me out."

"(Y/n)," Seokjin whined, looking away and brushing his hair out of his face. "I'm sorry, I really am. I almost died three deaths while trying to find you."

"You shouldn't have come looking for me," you took another bite of the pasta. "I'd be fine without you."

"But-"

"Actually," you held a hand up in the air. "You'd be fine without me."

"No." He shook his head firmly. "I'm not fine without you. I'm never fine without you."

The corner of your mouth lifted into a smirk, but you hid it by looking back at your plate. "I'd actually love to fight you on that, but I can see that you're not fine without me."

"Huh?"

You laughed lightly when your hand touched the flaming red skin of his forearm. "Poor thing, that probably burned a lot."

Seokjin rolled his eyes, brushing your hand away and taking your glass to finally quench his thirst.

"I went through shit and you're enjoying here."

You shrugged casually, taking the glass back from him before he could finish your juice. "I went through shit too. It's only fair that you get tortured in the heat that you kicked me out into."

"You really have a way of making me feel like I'm the worst husband in the world," he muttered under his breath.

"Are you?"

He grew silent, looking into your eyes that were glassing over with unshed tears.

"I am," he admitted regretfully in a low whisper. "I treated you like shit. I don't even deserve to be your- umph!"

Seokjin almost choked when you shoved a forkful of pasta into his mouth, eyes widening in surprise before trying to fit it all into his mouth. You took the tissue that was already in his hand, waiting for him to fit the rest of the pasta in before forcefully wiping at his lips, making him wince in pain.

"You deserve this much, but don't speak the rubbish that you were about to say."

Seokjin nodded, biting slowly and touching the side of his mouth that was burning.

"Sorry."

"You better be."

Min Yoongi:

It was almost like Yoongi was in someplace he'd probably go to once he'd die; white curtains, the sound of waves from outside the balcony, white walls with little butterflies, and a plain pair of white and black pajamas. He didn't know if he was dreaming, but there was something peaceful about the atmosphere, almost as if he was finally at home.

With you.

The thought made his eyes flutter open, instinctively turning his head to see if you really were there with him. But they landed on the empty spot beside him on the bed.

You weren't there.

Yoongi had somehow gotten used to the fluffy pillow with a lavender case. It reminded him of you. It smelt just like you. It felt like you.

Yoongi wasn't sure if it was normal to personify a pillow the way that he did. He treated it like it was you, live and with him, comforting him when he needs it the most, accompanying him when he felt lonely.

His fingers reached for the pillow again, the flowery scent drawing a deep sigh from the man.

You weren't there.

You hadn't been for the past six days.

Yoongi had begun to wonder if your absence in his life was a hallucination because oddly enough, he didn't hurt as much as he thought it would hurt. It's like you were right there. Somewhere. He couldn't know for sure, but his heart had begun to settle into a peaceful pace.

His soul yearned for you. It made him feel your presence even though his mind knew that you weren't there. It made him hear the uplift of your voice each time you spoke to him. It made him visualize the glistening twinkle in your eye when you gazed up into his own red ones.

He felt you, but he knew you weren't there.

Yoongi couldn't blame you for not showing up. No, he'd never do that. It was entirely his fault, and it took a mere gulp to swallow down his pride and admit that he was wrong.

After that night, Yoongi stopped contacting you. He wondered if you were doing fine, he wondered if you'd been eating your meals on time and if you'd been drinking enough water to keep yourself hydrated.

He wondered if you missed him.

He wondered if you knew how much he missed you.

Perhaps you did... because a knock was all it took for Yoongi to step out of his dreamland and tremble with fear.

"(Y/n)?"

You stood behind the door, holding the handle and pulling forcefully so that he wouldn't open the door. You just needed him to hear what you had to say. You couldn't face him just yet.

"Yoongi," he heard a broken whisper, muffled and soft from the other side of the door.

His own hand shivered as it held onto the handle, giving up trying to open it once he knew what you were trying to do.

"I just needed to hear your voice once before I left."

"Don't go."

Yoongi could feel his heart racing, the blood rushing to his ears, a lone sorrowful tear sliding down his pale cheek.

"Don't go," he repeated.

"I must," he heard you say. "I can't stay here any longer."

"Let me see you once," he pleaded. "Please, just once."

He wasn't sure if you'd already left, because all he got in response was silence.

His breathing fell into a shallow and rapid pace, panicked tears now falling faster than he could control.

"(Y/n)?"

With a little leap that his heart took, Yoongi pushed the handle down, a little cry leaving him when he couldn't feel the force that you had once kept on the handle from the other side. Fearful that he wouldn't see you when he'd open the door, Yoongi stayed frozen with his hand clenched around the handle of the door.

"Let me see you once," he whispered to himself, resting his forehead on the wood. "Please."

It was useless opening the door a few minutes later. You wouldn't have waited. You had probably left the apartment complex and gotten a cab for yourself.

He waited too long. He let himself drown in his own sorrow for too long.

But you had waited longer.

You always did.

Yoongi lost the ability to breath on his own the moment his eyes landed on you.

You'd stayed.

Yoongi felt as though his eyes met yours for a fleeting second, but the burn in his eyes let him know that he'd been staring at you for much longer than he thought.

"Can I hold you?"

Yoongi knew he was testing the limits. He'd been too greedy, too demanding of things when it came to you. But if this was the last of what he'd get to see of you, he could allow himself to be a little more greedy.

"One last time," he breathed out. "Please."

And maybe it had been a dream all along because the scent of your hair had been the same he'd gotten used to. Your skin was soft, just like the pillow that he'd been accustomed to falling asleep with.

Yoongi wasn't sure if the image of you in his arms was one he'd been creating in his mind or if it was real, but if he got the chance to hold you against his chest for the last time, he wouldn't let go of it.

He couldn't let go of you.

"I love you."

Jung Hoseok:

"Hoseok,"

"Ugh," the distraught man buried, his head further into the mattress, covering both of his ears and shaking his head vigorously.

"Stop. Stop. Please stop."

"Hoseok,"

"Stop!"

Hoseok pulled his knees further up against his chest, his arms trembling and eyes already shedding tears.

"You're not here, but why can I hear you? Please stop. Please!"

"Hoseok-ah!"

Hoseok grew silent, finally snapping back to reality at the sound of Seokjin's voice.

"Get up! (Y/n)'s here."

"What?" Hoseok immediately scrambled out of the bed, messily pulling his pants back into place and smoothening out his hair.

"What do you mean she's here? Where's she?"

Seokjin looked disappointed, looking back at the bed with a slight shake of his head.

"She's still outside. She's refusing to come in."

"What?"

Hoseok didn't give Seokjin any more time to respond before he was making his way through the bedroom door, frantic hands wiping at his tears and using the inside of his shirt to wipe away the saliva that had dried around his lips.

Taking in a deep breath, Hoseok's hand trembled as it reached for the doorknob, twisting it and opening it with a racing heart.

"(Y/n)," Hoseok breathed out at the sight of you in front of him. "I've missed you."

You looked across at the man who stood before you with a light frown. Hoseok gazed at you desperately with puffy eyes and twitching hands, wanting to just reach out to you and hold you.

"Hoseok," you trailed off, looking away and swallowing thickly. "I don't think I can be with you anymore."

"What?" Hoseok felt like he couldn't breathe, his chest tight and jaw falling open. "Why?"

"I can't be with you."

"(Y/n)," he took a desperate step in your direction, his heart physically hurting when you took one step away from him. "Please, you know I was just angry, let's work this out, please."

"I'm sorry, Hoseok," you mumbled under your breath. "I can't do that. I can't hold on anymore, I don't have the strength to fight for us anymore."

"Then let me!" Hoseok boldly took a hold of your hand. "Let me fight for us, please. Just give me one chance to show you how much I love you, one chance to prove to you that I didn't mean anything I said that night. Please!"

"Hoseok," you murmured, looking away and sighing. "I can't just get over what you told me, it has scarred me."

"I'm so sorry," he dreadfully rushed, hoping that you wouldn't just kick him as a reflex when he wrapped his arms around you.

"You know how I get, baby, please," he murmured into your hair.

"I was being an ass, and yes, I deserve to be broken up with, I deserve all of this, but please, please don't. I can't live without you."

You tried your hardest to not react to his words, but when a tear fell onto your shoulder, something tugged at your heart. You didn't want to give in so easily, you couldn't. You weren't so weak.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise," he vowed, pulling away and holding your face tenderly within his palms. "Please give me a chance to show you how much I regret doing what I did that day."

"Hobi," you finally exhaled, looking down at your feet. "Truth be told, I want to be with you too, I love you... but I need some time away, can you give me that?"

"Where do you want to go?" he inquired, sniffling hard and tucking your hair behind your ear. "Hmm? Tell me, I'll take you there."

"Hobi, no..." you shook your head. "I need some time away from you."

"Oh," he blinked, nodding a little after that. "Yeah, no problem, take all the time you need, as long as you come back to me. You'll come back right?"

For the first time that evening, your eyes glossed over with tears.

"I can't let you go otherwise," he decided with a firm nod of his head. "I can't risk losing you. I'll let you pull my hair out and kick me out ten times but I'll still stick to you like a leech."

"Right," you rolled your eyes. "I don't need that."

"But I need you."

"Hobi," you whined, pushing him away from you. "I didn't come here for this. I just need you to know that I'm going away for a while."

"But you're coming back right?"

You clicked your tongue, huffing in exasperation and looking back at the door.

"You're being annoying."

"I know," he easily accepted. "But I can't let you go if you're not coming back. No."

"Okay okay fine," you threw your hands up in defeat. "God, you never let me even scare you the way you've scared me."

"You have no idea how scared I am right now," Hoseok admitted.

"I'm sorry, baby. For everything. I really am, I don't know how to prove it to you. I'll let you go, if that's what you need, but I just need you to come back to me. Please, don't give up on us. Not because of how much of an ass I've been. Please."

"Ugh," you groaned in conflict, covering your eyes with both of your hands.

"Okay, fine. I'll come back. That was the plan anyway, I just came here to tell you about it."

"Promise?" Hoseok held his little finger up in the air. You looked at it for a moment before laughing dryly and interlinking your pinky with his.

"Yeah, I promise."

Park Jimin:

"I knew I'd find you here."

You turned to look back at Jimin who stood by the entrance of the church, a bouquet of white roses in his hand. Jimin stood still for just a moment, letting his eyes run over your form before he began to walk towards you timidly.

"Why are you here, Jimin?"

"I came to look for you," he murmured gently, choosing not to sit and instead knelt before you. You looked into his eyes, blinking away your tears and looking back at the alter in pain.

"I want to be alone."

"You've been alone for too long," Jimin whispered, placing the flowers in your lap and looking down at his fingers in regret. "I'm sorry I've left you alone."

"Where is-"

"She's sleeping at your friend's place. Safe, don't worry."

You nodded, breathing in deeply and looking down at the roses.

"When we were here a few years ago, I promised to stand by your side throughout everything. I'm sorry that I failed to do that."

Your eyes flitted up to the empty space before the altar, a red carpet that was once lined with white roses on the day of your wedding pulling a sigh from you.

"I've failed in many ways, and I want to thank you for never making me feel bad about it, even though I should. I deserve to be yelled at, I deserve to be insulted for the way I've been treating you and our daughter, but the one time that you tried to show me just how wrong I've been, I hurt you instead."

"Jimin..."

"I know," he whispered. "I've thought over everything you've said. Everything. You're right. You're right in every way and I'm sorry for not realizing that."

"It's not about who's right and wrong, Jimin," you shook your head. "I just want you to be there."

Jimin swallowed thickly, nodding and quickly looking down to hide the tear that slipped past his eyelid.

"I know, I'm sorry."

You sighed, looking up and closing your eyes.

"I don't know what else to say, Jimin."

"You don't need to say anything," Jimin wiped his cheek when he saw that you weren't looking. "You don't even need to forgive me. I'll work for it. I'll be there, for both of you. I'll show you."

You finally looked into the eyes of your husband, reaching a hand for him and tenderly touching the back of his hand.

"That's all I need."

"I want to give you more than just what you need, dear," Jimin looked down at the ring on your finger. "I also want to give you everything you want. Everything you want but never say."

"It's alright, Jimin," you shook your head. "We don't live in a fantasy world. Having you is all that I need - all that I want."

"I had also promised to treat you like a queen," Jimin turned to look back at the altar. "Not just any queen. My queen. I promised to make you smile over little things for no reason at all and I've failed at doing that too."

"You haven't been smiling much either."

"We'll talk about me later," Jimin insisted. "I've promised you the happiness that I failed to give you. I'm sorry."

"Jimin," you chuckled dryly. "You're making me feel bad now."

"Why?" He searched your eyes for an answer. "You don't need to feel bad, that's my job for now."

"It isn't anyone's job to feel bad," you reminded him. "Let's work through this and just get back to being happy again, Jimin."

"Okay," he nodded, straightening up and reaching for your other hand. "I'll make you happy, I promise."

You smiled softly at him, nodding a little. "Okay."

You noticed a little sparkly in Jimin's eye that you hadn't seen before, but before you could ask him, Jimin touched the side of your face as softly as he could.

"Will you dance with me?"

"Right now?"

"It's raining outside."

You turned to look outside the door, a tiny smile growing on your face at the memory of having your first dance with Jimin in the rain.

"Come," Jimin stood, holding your hand and guiding you up. You barely had a moment to place the flowers down before you were tugged towards the door, little joyous giggles pouring out of Jimin's chest when he ran out with you right behind him.

"Ah," you gasped at the cold droplets of rain that hit your skin, squinting and looking across at Jimin who was already looking at you with a grin.

"Dance with me?"

You looked at his palm that was extended out to you, slipping your fingers into his hand with a firm nod.

"I'd love to."

Kim Taehyung:

"What a sight to behold."

Taehyung's hand froze mid-air, the sound of your voice instantly bringing tears to his eyes.

"The Kim Taehyung is making coffee for himself."

"(Y/n)," Taehyung whispered in disbelief, dropping the spoon onto the counter and rushing towards you. His hand circled behind your head, tenderly holding you right up against him, his chest trembling as he tried not to ugly cry right into your shoulder.

"I thought you left."

"You left me, Taehyung," you reminded him with a muffled voice, turning your head a little so that you could breathe better. Gently resting your cheek against his collarbone, you repeated your words again.

"You left me."

"I'm sorry," he blubbered, inhaling sharply and wiping away his tears with one hand, never once leaving you. "I'm so sorry, that was so stupid of me, I'm so sorry."

Sighed softly, you nodded, finally letting your walls down and taking a hold of his sweater to pull him even closer.

"What you did really hurt me, but I told you then - and I'm telling you now - we have a lot of time to work this out."

"I just don't ever want you to leave," he admitted in a broken whisper. "The thought that you'll be moving away from me scared me to death."

"My little dummy," you cooed, pulling away and lightly hitting the side of his head. "You're too rich to even think of what I had in mind, silly."

"What?" he sniffled. "What does that mean?"

"Shall we sit and talk first? My feet are killing me."

"Oh- yeah yeah, come." Taehyung gripped your elbow, pulling you towards the couch before walking to the corner, disconnecting the lamp and putting it on the floor so that he could lift the little table and bring it for you to place your feet on.

"Here," he put a cushion beneath your feet, lifting both of them up and adjusting it so that you'd be comfortable. "Better?"

"Mhm," you nodded. "Come sit next to me."

Taehyung plopped down beside you, instantly reaching for your hand and pulling it into his lap, holding it as if you'd disappear any moment.

"To be honest," you began, "The moment I bought the house, you were the first person I wanted to tell. I really expected you to be on top of the world. I thought you'd be happy for me."

"I am..." Taehyung trailed off. "But I thought you were being dismissive of our relationship."

"Exactly. When you reacted badly, I got so upset, I immediately built these walls around me, you know?" You looked up into Taehyung's eyes, hoping that he was following you.

"You were the one person I wanted to share my happiness with but when I didn't see you being happy, that made me really upset. So in the heat of the moment, I let my mouth run too."

"How?" Taehyung wondered.

"I didn't mean it when I said that you were stopping me from living my dreams," you sighed sadly. "I guess I just wanted to hurt you at that moment the way you hurt me. I know you always want the best for me, I really do. I'm sorry I said that."

"Baby," Taehyung shook his head. "I'm not even bothered about that. If I'm being honest, I don't even remember the fight, all I could think of was that you left and I didn't get to even hold you once."

You chuckled light-heartedly. "I'm glad you don't remember it, but this is what caused the fight anyway- or rather the part where you kicked me out of your car."

"Shit," he looked away and cursed under his breath. "It sounds so much worse when I hear you say that."

"It was horrible," you nodded. "I didn't even know where I was at that time, but coming back to the point - you told me to leave only when I said that you were stopping me from living my dreams. So I understand where you're coming from."

"You're not supposed to be this understanding," Taehyung frowned sadly. "You're supposed to be mad at me and yell at me for kicking you out of my car. That was the cheapest thing I could've ever done. Shit- I'm so sorry."

"Oh, stop already," you waved him off. "What's done is done, we can't go back in time and make you not kick me out of the car, can we?"

Taehyung's lips pursed into a tight line.

"What I actually wanted to tell you was that me buying that house has a whole different purpose. Sure, I was angry and shit and I just kept telling you things that weren't true, so excuse me for that. The real reason why I bought that house is because it's an excellent investment."

"I know," Taehyung nodded in understanding. "When I explained this situation to Yoongi hyung, he told me the same thing."

"You spoke to Yoongi?"

"Who do you think told me to make the coffee?"

"Yoongi asked you to make coffee?"

Taehyung rolled his eyes. "He said since I hate it so much, at least it would distract me from the guilt of kicking you out of the car. And something along the lines of, 'you might even begin to like coffee,' and blah blah blah."

"Right," you chuckled. "Yoongi can't understand why you don't like coffee."

"It tastes like ass."

"How do you know what ass tastes like?"

Taehyung smirked, shrugging and choosing not to reply.

"Right- so the investment," you continued. "I have something under my name now, and the apartment is in a residential complex that's literally in the center of the city, which means that the value of the flat will increase in a few years."

"I know," Taehyung repeated. "Yoongi hyung told me everything, so you don't need to explain, okay?"

"Taehyung," you patted his thigh to get him to listen to you. "My point is that I don't need to live there."

His eyebrows raised in wonder. "Really?"

"I'll probably put that flat up for rent soon, that's what I've been meaning to say."

"Oh," he trailed off with a distracted nod, "I didn't even think about that."

"It really hurt my heart when you told me that I wasn't thinking about us, Tae," you tenderly ran your thumb over his knuckles. "I'm sorry I made you feel like I wasn't thinking about us."

"Aye," Taehyung waved his hand in the air like it was no big deal. "I was just scared, that's all. Don't stress about it."

"I should," you pressed. "No one should make their partner feel that way. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too, Jagiya," Taehyung lifted your hand so that he could place a tiny kiss on the back of your hand. "I hurt you as well. Probably much more than you think you've hurt me."

"It's okay now," you chuckled lightly. "I'm fine, as long as I'm with you."

"Surprisingly, I'm fine too. I'm so happy you're back home, with me. That's all I've ever wanted, all I really asked for."

"You're being too sweet, no?"

"Only for you, Jagiya."

Jeon Jungkook:

"Jungkook-ah," Namjoon called out for the younger man who stumbled to the side of the stage and fell onto his knees.

"Can someone get me some water?" Namjoon gestured to the staff members who were already crowding around Jungkook.

Jungkook kept his head low, his mic turned off and lying right beside him on the flooring. When Namjoon kindly asked the rest of the female staff to move away, he quietly knelt beside Jungkook and placed a comforting hand over his back.

"You okay?"

Jungkook breathed out heavily with a weak shake of his head.

"I feel dizzy."

"Can you continue the show?" Namjoon gently whispered, running his palm along the length of Jungkook's back. Jungkook took a moment to think, before shaking his head again.

"Not sure."

"No problem," Namjoon instantly nodded, looking up and thanking the staff who returned with a cold bottle of water.

"Have some water and then go rest."

"Hyung," Jungkook looked up weakly. "Did she call?"

Namjoon looked pained, sighing deeply and wiping off the sweat that was dripping from his eyebrow.

"She did."

Jungkook felt his breath hitch, his mind going a bit hazy but fighting hard to hold onto his consciousness.

"What did she say?"

"She's leaving the state for a while, going back to her brother's place."

"Did she tell you when she'd be back?"

Namjoon looked away briefly, setting his own mic down and blowing out a puff of hot air.

"I'm not sure she'll come back, Jungkook-ah."

Jungkook inhaled shakily, falling to the side so that he wasn't on his knees anymore. A few staff members who were standing at a distance instantly rushed forwards to help the boy up.

"I'm not sure he can perform any longer, just let him rest, wouldn't want to hurt him even more," Namjoon briefly explained to his manager who was holding an icepack to the boy's forehead in worry.

"What's happening?"

"He's feeling dizzy, just take him in and let him lie down, I'll explain the situation to everyone."

Jungkook's eyes fluttered closed, the sounds around him tuning out into a ringing buzz, the only thought on his mind was that you weren't coming back.

He drove you away.

At a time when you might've needed him the most, he let you down and pushed you away. Jungkook finally realized that whatever courage you must've mustered up at that moment to finally let down your walls and talk to him about your life had been completely crushed by the weight of his insults.

It had been three weeks since that day. Three weeks since Jungkook spent that entire night out on the streets looking for you. Three weeks since he'd begun to sleep the whole day and spend the rest of the night drinking away his regrets.

Three weeks without you was enough torture for him - the little hope that he had left within him finally evaporating into thin air like it had never even been there in the first place.

With a final heave of regret, Jungkook slumped into the arms of the staff member who was holding onto him, a series of panicked yells filling the confined space backstage.

"Hyung, what happened?" Taehyung and Jimin came rushing towards the commotion, worried eyes following the people who were carrying Jungkook's unconscious form further in.

"Did he pass out?"

"What happened?"

Namjoon remained on the floor, the tips of his fingers pushing into the bridge of his nose, breathing wearily. Maybe this was for the best, for both Jungkook and you. Maybe this distance would somehow heal the two of you.

And if that was the case, Namjoon would have to hold on just a little more so that he could be strong for both of his best friends.

"He's reached his limit."

Taglist: @underratedbitch-number13, @charnease

Permanent Taglist: @hopestastic @mistyaphelion @0xnna0 @cuteipat @koalasandcuddles @fxndomsqueen @sparkyprotectionsquad

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taestefully-in-luv · 4 months

Text

Our Time | JJK (Seven)

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Word Count: 12.4k

Warnings: seriously depressing (for now) swearing, mentions of alcoholism, allusions to cheating

a/n: Hiiiiiii, long time no see!! Sorry for the delay and thank you for waiting. This story is at a depressing point (lol) so forgive me! I hope you guys can enjoy this chapter too 🥺 Well, I hope you guys enjoy and please let me know what you think! Send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat :]

Previous --- Next

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An eternity has passed since you’ve last seen Jungkook…a total of six weeks. Each day has gotten equally harder as it has gotten easier. You think it’s just your body slowly getting used to his absence but your mind is yearning. Yearning and hurting.

But there is something that’s also painful like missing your ex-husband—your best friend—and it’s the videos of your life. A life you know nothing of.

If you thought pictures were hard, videos are much harder.

But you asked for this. You asked your parents and your friends to send you old pictures and videos of times you don’t remember living.

You’re seeing pictures of you and your friends in restaurants you don’t know. Bars you don’t know. Concerts for artists you don’t know. Pictures of you in your bedroom, but it’s a bedroom you don’t know.

You have haircuts and styles you don’t know.

In the videos, you hear yourself laughing at inside jokes you don’t know. You’re using vocab and slang you don’t know. You see yourself giggling and joking around with people you. don’t. know. And you feel more like an outsider than ever. Not just to this world but to the girl you see on screen, you are an outsider to herworld.

Perhaps you’ve gotten too use to separating your different selves. And perhaps that makes it harder to unite with them.

Past you is current you but current you thinks of current you as future you.

It’s all a headache to think about.

You know they’re all you but because you’ve kept them separate, it’s somehow becoming the shackles that stops all the you’s from uniting.

And that’s what needs to happen for all of your memories to return. You have to unite 24 year old you and 33 year old you. It’s only your sanity on the line.

Now that you’ve discovered a couple of things, the only way to go from here is to intentionally spark your memories—in any way. You have to. Because you know 33 year old you has started something...

You quickly tear your eyes from the video on screen to take a quick peak towards the hallway that leads to the bedrooms. You’ve visited the attic a few times because of all of the memories that are stored in there.

But those boxes are filled with more than just memories.

Your eyes go back to your phone in hand as your thumb hesitantly hovers over the screen. You know you should move on to another video but it almost feels like you don’t have it in you. You don’t have it in you to stop listening to the sound of your child’s laughter when you can’t recognize it.

You don’t have it in you to stop the possibility of triggering your brain to suddenly remember him.

You finally force your thumb to the screen and you quickly pause it. You take in a sharp breath before exiting the video to scroll through the five videos your mom sent you. You see Haru in all five. And you can see Jungkook in three of them. You chose one where you couldn’t see Jungkook.

But this video of Haru’s giggles feels just as heartbreaking but more than anything, it feels frustrating. Because you don’t know him.

And that feels like an unbearable heartache on its own.

Suddenly, your eyes bounce from the video thumbnails to the text your mom just sent you.

Mom 7:28am

Good morning! We’re our way to the station and should arrive in Seoul around 2pm. You’re still picking us up, right?

You slowly close your already drooping eyes, the moment way too brief before you open them again, glancing towards the living room windows where the obvious sunlight comes through. Another night you didn’t sleep. Your eyes battling your brain. You might get a few hours if you try to sleep now, at the least.

“I just don’t understand how you can drink those all day,” Your mother’s eyes go from the knife in her hand to the iced coffee in yours. “I know it’s got to be giving you heartburn.” She laughs a little while shaking her head, eyes going back down to the cutting board where she chops onions.

You blink at your mom before dropping your eyes to the coffee in your hand, “Wait, is this why?”

She chuckles again, “Must be from your dads side of the family.” She shrugs now, letting the onions slide off the board and into a pan.

You roll your eyes at your moms playful comment before sliding the coffee away from you as you sit at your kitchen island, “Anyway, dad’s kind of taking a while, no?” You glance around the kitchen as if he would suddenly appear here.

Your mom smiles to herself while her hands remain busy with cooking dinner, “Yeah, he’s waiting for me to text him saying he can come back from the store.”

You can’t help but snort since you know exactly what she means.

Back when you were a teenager and going through life’s woes that made the whole world feel like it was ending, you would have your meltdowns. Period cramps that made you moody, a friend talking behind your back, the boy you liked was seen kissing someone else. All the things your dad left your mom to handle. He would suddenly want to go to the store and she would somehow signal him when it was safe to return—after the two of you got to talk out whatever was bothering you.

You realize she’s done it now.

“You never used to take this long to tell me what was going on though.” Your mom says quietly, eyes trained on the stove. “Especially not about Jungkook.” She sighs as she reaches for the wooden spoon before stirring the ingredients.

You feel something sharp inside your chest, just at the mention of his name, like there’s a sharp knife.

You turn your face to the side, something uncomfortable and electric tightens your jaw. As if it’s a burning signal that even the mere mention of Jungkook, makes you want to cry. But you won’t. “Well, mom.” You take a deep breath before looking towards her again with a sarcastic smile. “Our marriage wasn’t exactly as perfect as you thought.”

You hope this is enough for her to realize that Haru’s disappearance wasn’t the wedge that created such distance between you and your now, ex-husband.

You stare at the back of your mom’s head as she stands at the stove, still cooking. You wonder if she’s in utter shock at the revelation that perhaps Jungkook isn’t perfect. And your marriage definitely wasn’t. You wait and wait. But you see how she starts adding in a few other things.

“I said—”

“—What marriage is perfect?” Your mom finally turns around, cutting you off with a raised brow. “I never thought that. I’ll never think that. About anyone.” She scoffs before turning towards the stove again. “I told you that you didn’t usually take this long to talk about Jungkook with me.”

You don’t say anything.

Your mom turns her head towards you for a moment, you see the corner of her lip barely start to lift, like a knowing smile wants to form but her frown decides not to budge, “You were married to him for years…you don’t think you’ve come to complain to me?”

You understand her almost smirk now. She faces forward towards the stove again.

“Maybe around six months before Haru’s…incident. You came to Busan and I could tell something was up and you needed to talk.” Your mom rests a hand on her hip, while the other reaches for the stove knob as she turns it down. “But just like now…” She turns her head to eye you again, her worries pulling her lips into a deeper frown. “You took a while to tell me.”

You don’t really react. Not as your brain processes this information.

Your mom continues, “So I know your marriage wasn’t perfect. Jungkook’s not perfect. You’re not perfect.” She exhales through her nose in a half laugh. “I’m not perfect. Your father’s not either. But what’s between us…it has to be protected.”

“Unless that person betrays you.” You say in a low voice, eyes going to your fingers as you pick at your cuticles. “And you lose your trust in them.”

You hear your mom at the stove again as she turns it off and puts the lid on the pan. After a moment you see your mother in your peripherals as she comes to the other side of the counter and sits next to you.

“You mentioned something similar back then.” She says quietly, her face looking ahead. “But then I thought…well, that you thought it wasn’t what you thought.”

You quickly turn your head in your moms direction, eyes on hers. What all did you say to her? “Well, it was.” You say firmly.

Your mom’s eyebrows pull together slowly, something similar to confliction rising in her eyes. “And how exactly did Jungkook betray you?” She asks after a moment.

And it feels pathetic, the feeling of all the muscles in your face betraying your collected appearance. So pathetic that the answer to this question makes your expression twist and break off the cracking mask that is now crumbling and falling from your face.

It takes less than an instant for your heartbreak to be written all over.

Your mom puts a hand to your back, letting you cry it out.

Just like you did when you were a moody teenager and the only one who understood your meltdowns was your mom. She lets you know that once again, that no matter how small or how big—you had every right to feel the way you wanted to.

You cry, a soft pat repeating on your back as you mumble how sad you are and how embarrassing this is.

This short cry feels more like relief in the right company rather than something that is rocking your world in the worst way.

Your mom chuckles a little, pulling away from you. “Embarrassing?”

“Yeah.” You nod with a shameless smile and damp cheeks. “I know you know the me that’s been married to him for years but in my eyes we’ve been on one date and he was our neighbor. So I feel like you should be teasing me about us but you’re here with more knowledge about my marriage than me.” You laugh as you cry more, “So it’s a bit embarrassing.”

“Hm,” Your mom chuckles again, “I guess I can understand that.”

You nod while your fingers wipe beneath your eyes repeatedly, they’re only teary now.

Your mom brings her hand away from you, her fingers intertwining on top of the counter. You watch as she stares down at her hands in thought before she finally sighs and turns your way with a small smile. “Talk to me, y/n. You’re convinced Jungkook betrayed you in some way—ways I can only assume—but tell me, do you really think he’s capable of what you’re thinking?”

You study your mother’s expression for a long moment, brows beginning to furrow when you realize she doesn’t buy it. Tearing your eyes away from her, your lips twist in annoyance, “Are you saying I shouldn’t believe in my own memories?”

You hear your mom sigh again, “You remembered something unpleasant, y/n. I’m not saying I don’t believe you…but even back then,” She pauses, hoping you will look at her but you don’t. She finally continues, “Things just didn’t add up…”

You’re quick to find her eye again, “What all did I tell you?”

At this, your mother scoffs lightly, her small smile still on her lips. “Nothing that really made sense. Seemed like you just…couldn’t tell me things. But I’m not dumb, you know? You drop plenty of hints when you get talking.”

“Oh.” You blink at her, wishing you could even remember whatever hints she’s referring to.

“But the issue is that you stopped talking. You got quiet.” Your mother looks back at her hands again, her gaze hardening. “Then when Haru’s incident happened…you shut us all out. Everyone…” She whispers, lines between her brows forming, a hint of disappointment in her voice that doesn’t go unnoticed by you. “Even Jungkook.”

You can’t help but feel that same knife start slicing open the inside of your chest at the mention of his name again. “Probably because it’s his fau—”

“—He lost Haru too, y/n.” Your mom cuts you off, her eyes that are filled with something close to anger land on you. “You both did and what’s worse is that you both lost one another in the process.”

“I don’t remember the process but I’m sure I had a hard time even looking him in the eye.” You spit out. “You don’t know what happ—”

“—Do you?” She throws back at you. “Because you have yet to give me a story that makes even a little sense.”

Your heart starts screaming like someone just squeezed it way too hard. You force yourself to look away because tears that no one invited start to form. You feel done with this conversation but before you can announce its over, your mom sighs again and her palm rests against your back and you don’t have it in you to shove her off.

“I’m sorry.” She mutters softly, almost sounding regretful. “I am. You have no idea…” You feel her hand slowly retreat from your back, “How sometimes I would just pray you wouldn’t get your memories back. So you wouldn’t…”

Your mother’s voice grows much softer, almost too quiet to hear.

“Seeing you heartbroken all over again hurts us, y/n. I thought it would be easier…for you. But I guess it’s just easier for us.” She admits, a sharpness in her tone that indicates her regret. “There’s no way you would live happier if parts of you felt missing.”

You feel her words stick to your skin uncomfortably, like sweat from the hot sun rather than a run you worked for. It’s unpleasant but also unwelcomed.

Unwelcomed because you don’t want to accept a life where that could be the case—forced to live a life even with parts of you missing.

An uncomfortable reality and possibility.

“More than…” You begin, hands lifting to gesture towards nothing. “This is more than just Jungkook.”

Your mom chuckles to herself. “Of course I know that.”

“I’m starting to wonder what would feel worse,” You glance towards your empty hands before your fingers clutch nothing softly. “Remembering my child. Or not remembering my child.” Then your lips curl into a half smile that feels so empty as you silently cringe toward yourself, “It doesn’t even feel right saying ‘my’…” you immediately halt, teeth suddenly piercing into your bottom lip. You don’t even feel right calling Haru ‘your’ child. Because you don’t feel like his mother.

You try to keep the half smile plastered on your face but the sharp shock of tears that fill your eyes betray your wants. You quickly blink them away.

“I want to hate Jungkook so bad for so many reasons,” You admit before clearing your throat, “But I mostly hate him because at least he would recognize our sons laugh while I don’t. I hate him because I blame him but at least he knows the kid that I hate him for.”

Also an uncomfortable reality.

“Well,” Your mothers tone lets you know she’s about to change the subject. “You had a doctor’s appointment recently, right? How did it go?”

You shake your head, “He said the progress can be really slow…and that it’s normal for the brain to block out certain traumatic events. So much…” You pause.

“So much what?”

You sigh, “So much doesn’t make sense. It has me feeling so restless.”

“I’m sorry.” Your mom releases a shaky breathy before you hear her voice crack. “I’m so sorry.”

“You know what’s the worst part?” You decide to keep the venting session going. “I just feel ashamed. I’m a parent but I don’t even know about it. I feel so lost. I don’t think if I was given a child I could—”

“This doesn’t make you less of a mother, y/n.” Your mom snaps her eyes in your direction, a fierceness in them. “You are still a parent. A damn good one at that.”

You study your mother’s expression with a fondness, because you see her sincerity. This makes your eyes sting again. “Thanks, mom.”

After a nice weekend with your parent’s, you decide you’ve been resting enough. You want to start working again, having too much time on your hands seems like a problem nowadays. You find yourself back at that new café.

“I’ll take a honey lavender latte.” You tell the girl at the counter, her eyes immediately widening before she nods her head in approval.

“Great choice. A personal fav.” She grins before continuing, “And I make it the best.”

A new voice joins in from behind, startling you. “Make that two.” A man says. You quickly turn around, eyes rising towards the same man you spilled coffee on. “Oh, it’s you.”

He brings a hand to his heart, “I’m a you? That means you remember me!” He smiles at you, shaking his dark hair from his eyes.

You bite your lip, guilt sinking in from the last time. “Well, I thought you were gonna press charges for burning you last time. So, I guess I would remember.”

He looks taken aback, his eyes going round. “Press charges?” Then he laughs, “No, no. I wouldn’t do that, who wants to deal with cops, anyway?”

“Just the two lattes?” The girl at the counter speaks up in a sing song voice and you immediately spin in your spot to apologize to her but the man beats you to it while he pulls out his wallet.

“Should we get a cookie too?” He asks you, his head tilting a little and you start shaking your head. “You sure?” He smiles.

You’re the one taken aback. This guy is too kind. You wonder if he’s like this with everyone.

“Seokjin, you are going to buy us out again.” The girl sighs as she smiles before glancing at you. “He ordered us all out just yesterday.”

“It was for the elderly! You know they get a little cranky if they don’t get something a little sweet to eat! Hasn’t it brought more customers? You could say thank you.” He gets playfully defensive, pout on his lips and the girl gives a shrug while nodding. “Well, it does make my boss happy. And if he’s happy,” She leans over the counter and whispers. “It’s a better day for everyone.” Then she giggles.

“See!” Seokjin crosses his arms like he’s still offended. “I’m just trying to help you all have a better day!”

You guess he is this nice to everyone.

And before you know it, he’s taking out his card and paying for the drinks. You realize it but it’s too late.

“You didn’t have to pay for that…” You mumble, hand paused on your own wallet. “But thank you.”

“Hopefully you’ll have an even better day too.” He smiles at you and it feels warm.

You take a moment to get a good look at him and you realize just how handsome he is. You remember his chest and broad shoulders from last time but now you see just how full and plump his lips are but you also like his brown eyes.

He smiles at you again.

You’re staring.

“See you around, I guess.” Seokjin puts his wallet back into his back pocket before walking off towards a table near a window.

You know his name but he doesn’t know yours and that feels a little bit like a shame.

But there’s no time for harmless nice guys giving you warm smiles. You’re here to work. Or actually here to retrain yourself on how to do your work.

Your job agreed to help you relearn everything so today, you’re going to sit at a table and get trained. And the girl you knew from college that works at your job will be in contact with you if you have any questions. Mijoo. Apparently you two were a bit acquainted before you started working from home.

When you find a table near the bookshelves, you get to work. There’s updates on old programs you were familiar with but there’s new ones too. Plus, the market is a bit different. It’s a lot to learn but you think you’ll get the hang of it quickly. Just like you did back in the day when you were just starting out.

Two hours or more has passed and you’re buried in your work. But you see a man in your peripherals and a cookie wrapped in parchment paper suddenly on the table right next to your laptop.

You look up and Seokjin gives you that same warm smile before it turns sheepish. “I ended up ordering two for myself a little while ago but I’m too full. You can have it. Well…well, only if you want it, of course.”

You blink up at him before you look at the cookie.

“It’s okay, if you don’t!”

Your eyes go to him again and you shake your head before you give him your own smile. “No, no!” You tell him quickly, “I-I’ll take it. Thank you.”

“Oh.” His lips form the perfect ‘o’ and he gives you a nod. “Nice. See ya.” And he’s smiling again before walking out of the café.

His entire aura is warm and you realize you appreciate people like him even more now. With how cold life has been.

After a long day of sitting at the café, you’re now sitting on the floor of your dusty attic. It’s gotten easy to figure out which boxes were stored here by your own hands and which boxes are the ones that Jungkook packed up to avoid you seeing your life. It’s mostly obvious because Jungkook’s packing is much more organized than yours.

You wonder if this box of framed photos in front of you is so neat because he looked at each one slowly, taking his time as he looked at the memories he knew you wouldn’t remember.

You wonder if he took his time because he misses Haru.

And because he missed you.

You manage to conceal a bitter scoff as you lift your foot and push it flat against the box, forcing it back a few inches. Your concern isn’t Jungkook right now. Stop thinking about him. Stop looking at your photos with him. Stop looking at the life you lived with him.

Right now those are your priority.

A strained sigh leaves your mouth as you eye the boxes you’ve dragged to the other side of the attic. You’ve been trying to organize everything in here so you know what’s what. Eyes slide to the left where all your household memories are. Then they slowly drag across the attic, passing by an old, dusty desk to the right side where your personal mystery boxes are.

It’s taken a few days to really separate everything. Because this attic has more than just some boxes of memories and boxes of mysteries. It also has a few too many creepy crawlers hanging in the corners. And things you’re sure 33 year old you wanted to sell and get rid of.

Buzz.

Your eyes suddenly shoot down to your phone when it lights up and vibrates the attic floor, already seeing that it’s another message from Misuk in the group chat with her and Subin.

Last you checked they were gushing over a new song from an artist they like who you barely even know so you don’t rush to really look. Your eyes stay on the screen until the light dims and it goes black.

You’d be lying if you said you wish you didn’t have help. Someone to guide you to some answers.

Another strained sigh before a half assed chuckle barely rumbles in your chest.

Well, ‘someone’ could guide you to some answers. And that someone is 33 year old you but unfortunately you don’t understand majority of what you’ve found. As if only parts of the puzzle are in these boxes, just edges and corner pieces and you’re missing all the pieces that fill everything in.

Your eyes still linger on the black screen as they begin to lose focus as your mind whirls into your endless list of questions again. The boxes of mysteries are only three boxes. One of them having nothing to do with your son, you think. But the other two have caused some concern.

Something tells you that 33 year old you is really not convinced that your son is dead.

It’s clear you were investigating on your own. But your notes barely make sense. And it is more than fucking frustrating.

You’re about to close your eyes and groan but your phone suddenly lights up again as you feel a slight vibration next to your foot. It’s another text but it doesn’t look like its apart of the group chat.

You squint at the screen but it’s too far to really read anything so you finally give in and reach for the device and bring it closer to your face. And then you feel the sudden thump in your lower belly where your heart just landed.

Jungkook 9:19pm

How are you doing?

A razor sharp sting tightens every muscle in your body, the sudden tension making your breaths stop.

More than a month and a half since you’ve last seen and spoken to him and he’s finally said something to you.

Finally because as much as you hate him, his existence makes you breathe. And you have to breathe to live.

Buzz.

Your hand vibrates along with your phone and you suddenly clench your fingers around it.

Jungkook 9:19pm

I wanted to tell you how sorry I am.

Your heart suddenly leaps up into your throat, choking you a bit as you try to breathe. Is that a confession? It already bothers you that he barely tried to explain himself and now he’s been silent all this time. And now he’s apologizing? He’s guilty, isn’t—

Buzz.

Jungkook 9:20pm

I just wish you would talk to me y/n…

That concealed scoff from earlier has finally broken free, pushing past your lips in something like disgust. Talk to him? Talk to him? You feel an uncomfortable anger start poking your skin from the inside and you squeeze your phone harder in you hand. The fucking audacity.

There’s a brief moment when you consider chucking your phone across the attic but fortunately you only slam it to the floor. Frustration still hot on your skin, you quickly reach for a worn out decorative pillow and hurl it in front of you with a lot of strength, knocking against the old desk as it wobbles for a moment.

You release a short puff of air, head lowering and eyes closing as you try to calm yourself. You’ll admit, it did feel kind of good to release some en—

Thump.

Your eyes snap open as you tilt your head up towards the desk where the sudden sound just came. Did something fall inside? But what? You had checked the desk before. The top drawer only had a few pens and some sticky notes while the bottom drawer was empty minus some loose sheets of printer paper. And the left side of the desk is just two empty book shelves. It is basically empty.

It was probably nothing.

You’re about to move on, mind already wanting to go back to Jungkook when the sudden thump just can’t make sense. Something with some weight definitely fell in or on the desk, right? But you’re sure there’s nothing from when you checked the other week.

Doesn’t hurt to look again, you decide. Maybe this is your intuition talking to you.

You finally lift yourself from the attic floor, giving one last look at the boxes that are filled with your life with Jungkook and Haru before heading towards the middle where the desk is. It’s got an impressive layer of dust that you haven’t found any real reason to clean since the desk isn’t something you’d visit often.

Giving in, you reach for the top drawer and open it, just like you had the other week, but just like last time, the drawer only has three pens, some used sticky notes with doodles and numbers lying around and one black marker.

You knew there was nothing. Shutting the drawer, you quickly open the bottom drawer. It’s a deeper space, like you could fit a small filing cabinet. But instead, there’s only a few loose sheets of blank printer paper.

Not convinced, you shove your hand inside the drawer, feeling around for anything strange and even trying to reach behind but you’re met with nothing. Okay. You step away from the desk for a moment, eyeing it suspiciously because you’re certain something with more weight than any of those things fell. And fell here.

There’s nothing else here besides this raggedy pillow. You glance down at it, the pathetic thing on the floor before you groan, kicking it away from you.

So what? You just imagine all kinds of things now? Is that the new normal?

Suddenly not minding the thick layer of dust, you lean forward in defeat, hands gripping the edge of the desk as you support some of your weight onto it but the desk wobbles forward on its probably broken, unsteady legs. And you know you don’t imagine it when something with some weight definitely shifts inside.

“Uh, what was that…?” You mumble to yourself, eyebrows coming together slowly as you take another look at the desk. Your eyes immediately fall to the left side where the two empty shelves are. It definitely came from this side.

You quickly squat down, eyes trained on the shelves, inspecting every single inch of the empty and terribly dusty space. “Don’t tell me…” You whisper, expression highly focused as you look at the back panel of the shelves. The shelving space is not nearly as deep as of the width of the desk.

You blink at it, breaths now falling from your lips faster as your fingers quickly go to touch the backing panel and when it wiggles freely with enough pressure, you know you’ve found something. Feeling impatient, you jostle the thin wood around until you can figure out how to remove it.

And when it starts poking through the side of the shelf, your heart starts racing while you quickly slide the panel through the wooden desk. You feel it. Maybe it’s instinct because somewhere in your brain you know this is familiar and means something. The panel drops to the floor once its slid out but before it even touches, your hands are already digging inside.

“Okay, okay, okay.” You repeat with shaky breaths. Fingers already grasping what’s here and you feel yourself growing more and more anxious. A shoe box. An open shoe box that’s close to overflowing. You pull it out while you sit down onto the floor, the box settling right in front of you.

“Okay,” You sigh, reaching for the first item on top. It’s a small note book, the kind you’d use to make a check list of sorts. You take a deep breath before flipping it open and a few loose contents fall out. And then you feel the breath of a ghost at the base of your neck.

You pick up a folded sheet of paper along with a bent photo of Nabi. You feel the cold breath travel down your spine as you unfold the paper and read what’s written in someone else’s handwriting.

Yun Nabi

118, Seolleungro-150, Yongsan-gu, Seoul

010-6203-3087

010 3476 9876àweekends

010 9874 3456 new ##

You stare down at the worn paper, confusion clouding your mind. You want to rip her photo to shreds.

You quickly glance to the bent photo in your other hand and before you tell your hand what to do, it’s already crumbling it. Your dark gaze set on the now wrinkled woman who managed to gain Jungkook’s attention.

Maybe it’s not her fault if she’s great.

Maybe it’s your fault.

Your eyes stay trained on the crumbled photo but they’ve lost focus once again. Soon the balled up picture and the folded note fall to your lap as Numbness hugs you over your shoulders and as Insecurity sits next to you and whispers into your ear.

Why did Jungkook cheat on you?

You manage to blink but your throat feels dry.

Why did he do that to you? Why would anyone…?

You want to laugh at yourself. Because you know if this happened to anyone else you would know it wasn’t their fault. The person who cheated…it’s about them and no one else. And you want to tell yourself this, remind yourself, confirm that this isn’t your fault.

But why do you sit here, letting Numbness hug you tighter? And why do you sit here and wonder?

You wonder…you wonder where you went wrong that you were no longer enough for him.

And it doesn’t feel fair that you’re wondering that.

You take the photograph and crumple it even more before throwing it to the side and decide to open the notebook. And you see more puzzle pieces.

Routine

7 he wakes up….sometimes 8

Jungkook takes him to work sometimes for fun

Someone at work?? Who? Another list

Daycare usually Mondays & Thursdays for sure

Busiest days at work

You flip the page

Thursday the 14th, at the bus station,

The 18th when I was going home

There was a car parked outside on the street for 3 days

The 5th

The 8th

The 12th I ran into someone who knew me but I didn’t know them

A man with buzzed hair

Something hot bubbles inside your chest and it feels like it’s burning you. Anxiety has a touch of fire. You flip to the next page.

It just scribbles like you were frustrated.

Just like you are now.

You decide to close to the notebook. Discomfort swallowing you like a dry pill.

But you don’t stop looking through the box. Pictures of people you don’t know. More lists of times and dates. But no context. More frustration building.

Your head snaps up suddenly when you recall something falling so you quickly reach inside the secretive hole in the desk and feel around. Your fingers grasp at nothing until something cold is felt. You can tell what it is immediately as you wrap your fingers around the device. A phone.

You take the cold, shiny device in your clammy hands and rush to turn it on but it’s got a dead battery. You turn the phone upside down to check what kind of charger it takes and remember that downstairs in the kitchen there’s a drawer of random charging cables.

You need to get this thing turned on. Now.

“Are you okay?” You immediately straighten your back, phone dropping to the attic floor, the sudden voice a shock since you live alone. You quickly look around you, eyes darting from place to place but of course, there’s no one here. You feel sick. Especially because…didn’t that voice sound like—

“Are you okay?” Jungkook comes next to you, his eyes avoiding yours but he can’t hide the concern in his voice. You look at him, equally annoyed as he is. But still, you hear in his voice he doesn’t totally hate you.

“It’s fine.” You mumble, fingers picking at the bandage wrapped around your palm. “It just got scraped.”

Jungkook chuckles humorlessly, “Misuk said Subin threw up in her mouth because of the blood.”

You shrug, “Okay, it was pretty bad.”

Jungkook stays silent and the same tension that’s been building since Sana’s wedding is here again. You, Jungkook, Misuk and Subin came to Busan for the weekend to celebrate your mom’s birthday but today, the day of the party, has been anything but fun. One thing after the other, but the cherry on top was around 20 minutes ago when you accidentally sliced your palm open while helping in the kitchen.

Now you’re outside trying to cool off but the last person you want to see has come to check on you.

“Does it hurt?” Jungkook stares up at the tree you two are standing in front of outside your house. He doesn’t bother to try and soften his tone. Sure, it’s concerned but it’s also irritated.

“I told you it’s fine.” You answer, sounding clipped. “Just go back inside.”

“You’re mad at me if I’m inside. You’re mad at me if I’m outside.” He stuffs his hands in his front jean pockets and continues gazing at the tall tree. “I really don’t understand why you’re so up—”

“—Oh? You don’t?” You turn your head to glare at him, “Really?”

You watch Jungkook’s profile, his jaw tightening for a moment before he sighs out.

“I don’t know.” He tells you before turning to face you as well. Your eyes are narrowed but he sees plenty of disappointment in them. “Maybe I do. But I also seriously don’t.”

You look down to the ground, a moment of consideration because you kind of understand him. But then you recall last night and realize that no, he definitely should understand why you’re mad.

Things have changed between you two. Ever since Sana’s wedding, there’s been something different and enticing. Moments that feel way too charged to be platonic. But neither of you have spoken up about it. Maybe he’s afraid you don’t feel it. Or maybe you’re now just realizing you’re afraid he is the one who doesn’t feel it.

Because how doesn’t he understand that having his last serious girlfriend from Busan in your parents living room while they flirt with one another relentlessly in front of you, is not going to make you mad?

“You don’t think flirting with your ex-girlfriend in front of me wasn’t going to make me mad, Jungkook?” You throw the words at him without much care for his reaction. It’s an honest question, in your book.

“Okay,” Jungkook tilts his head back before running his hands through his hair, “So this is about Hanja.” He groans a little before giving in and taking a step closer to you. “I didn’t think it was a big deal…and you call her my ex girl-friend as if she doesn’t have a name. Hanja told me she had a lot of classes with you in High School!”

“And?” You deadpan. “Doesn’t make us friends.”

“Okay.” He nods but now he’s the one with disappointment in his eyes. “But that doesn’t mean you had to be rude.”

“You invited her to my mom’s birthday party!” You throw back, “And have barely even…” It sucks that your voice gets a little softer because you just want to make a point. “You’ve barely even looked at me since she’s been here.”

Jungkook’s lips part and he looks conflicted as he registers your words but you don’t wait for him to get it before you continue.

“Sure,” You manage a stubborn shrug, “Maybe you’re not flirting with her but you don’t stop her when she does with you.”

Jungkook’s brows furrow, “She hasn’t flirted with me, y/n.” He tries to assure you, his tone finally not irritated but instead the same soft as yours. “We just have history, you know? But that was what? 5 years ago? 6? 7? I don’t even know. We ended on good terms so I thought it was harmless. She’s in town too and had nothing to do…I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

“I just…” You finally meet his eye for the first time more willingly, “I don’t know.”

He finally relaxes his features and a pleasantly pleased smile starts tugging at the corner of his lips, “You’re…jealous.” He confirms softly.

You raise a brow at him, feeling annoyed. “So then you do understand why I’m mad.”

“Yeah.” He agrees but you see the uncertainty in his eyes. “But I wasn’t sure. Maybe hoping but I couldn’t be sure, you know?”

“Did you want me to be jealous?” You ask, unsure how that makes you feel but you see genuine and quiet panic all over his face while he shakes his head.

“No, no.” He tells you with big eyes. “But when I realized you were mad at me, I thought it could be because you were jealous. And,” He pauses, swallowing what you think is nerves. “That’s why I became hopeful, I guess.”

“And why is that?” A cool breeze suddenly picks up and it feels nice against your cheeks.

“Because it might mean…” His words grow quieter, seeking your understanding of where he was going. “But without being direct…well, I can’t really be sure, you know?”

“Then why can’t we be direct?” You gesture between your bodies, “I like you, Jungkook.” It doesn’t take a lot of effort to say it, to admit it, but it does take a lot of effort to not tear your eyes away from him in embarrassment. But your gaze remains on his.

“And there’s no way I’m imagining—”

“—You aren’t!” Jungkook panics, his fingers flying to your wrists, holding on to them as he persuades your eyes to remain on his again. “You aren’t imagining it. I know it, too.” He tells you but he looks and sounds conflicted.

“For months, Jungkook.” You say quietly, “I’ve been wondering for months if you’re going to make a real move on me.”

He can’t help but smile at you nervously, his clammy fingers still pressing into your wrists. “I just…” Jungkook’s smile begins dropping as he explains himself, “…I’m so afraid of talking about this because it might change our friendship and you’re just,” He pauses, eyes searching yours because he needs to see if you understand. “You’re too important, y/n.”

“You’d rather never tell me how you feel because it might change our friendship?” You ask him, ignoring the fire burning along the edges of your skin. “You would rather spend forever just wondering if I feel the same as you? Just like I’ve been wondering if you feel the same as me? Too afraid to talk about it because it…might change our friendship?”

Jungkook’s fingers finally disconnect from your skin and into his hair, his nerves only multiplying but he finds the courage to say, “If you didn’t feel the same, things would change.”

“If I didn’t feel the same then things wouldn’t have changed in the first place. Jungkook, things have already changed. And I don’t like wondering. We’re already past platonic so I’ll tell you—”

Suddenly, your head starts pounding.

A new memory unlocked.

And it only makes you sit on your attic floor and cry.

Great timing.

Your fingers feel frozen, maybe even numb as you dig through another random kitchen drawer to find the correct charger for the phone you’ve found. So far you haven’t been lucky. Then again, nothing feels lucky. You’ve been quiet to yourself all day after last night. Not even a thought out loud.

Your eyes grow watery again but you immediately slam your lids shut, squeezing tightly because you refuse to shed anymore tears. You might have to buy a new charger but you really aren’t in the mood to leave the house. You aren’t in the mood for anything except maybe hurling more old, worn out, decorative pillows at dusty furniture. But now you feel afraid for what you might find. The more mysteries you unlock, you’re afraid to unlock a memory along with it.

It's evening now, the kitchen clock says 6:13pm. The day has gone by. You watched the sun rise this morning and now you’re witnessing it set. You have yet to find it in you to sleep today. Maybe you’re afraid you’ll slip into your bed that you once shared with Jungkook and suddenly you’ll remember all the times you’ve slept in it with him. You can’t afford any more of that. Just yesterday you were begging 33 year old you to share some of the life you’ve missed and now that she is sharing some of the years…you’re realizing you aren’t ready.

You take a deep breath, shutting a drawer shut when you decide to order a new charging cable for the phone. Your eyes slide to the device that rests peacefully on the counter while your heart beats uncomfortably in your throat. You stare at it, wondering what contents lie inside but a part of you feels fearful of what you might find.

Taking another breath, you wrap your arms around yourself, hugging yourself for a moment before you decide to take care of this. Sitting yourself at the kitchen island, opening your laptop, you search the phone and get the cable ordered for delivery tomorrow. This is better than driving yourself nuts trying to find it.

You close your eyes, resting your head down to the counter, wishing you could turn your day around.

Ding Dong.

Your eyes snap open.

And something unsettling starts whirling in your belly. As if you can sense who is at your door.

Knock Knock Knock.

You groan quietly to yourself because you just know. You know exactly who it is for some insane reason. You just feel it. You stand from the stool and walk yourself to your front door. Swinging it open without even peeping through the hole to confirm your suspicions.

Jungkook’s doesn’t look too good. For as handsome as he is, he looks rough. His skin is dry, his lips are pale and the bags under his eyes give away how much sleep he isn’t getting. You don’t care though. Not about him. Your fingers grip around the door frame tighter, your skin burning at the sight.

“I just wanted to see how you were.” He tells you, voice so quiet you had to read his lips. You want to scoff bitterly in his face, shut him out and make him feel thrown away.

But your foot pushes the front door further open as you turn around to go into the living room. You’ve invited him in. Though, ‘invited’ feels like a strong word.

You can hear the door creak open even furth from behind you, shoes are shuffling onto the floor and the door clicks shut. You hold your breath as you walk to the sofa, sitting yourself down at the very end of it as your eyes glue themselves to the black screen of the TV.

Jungkook follows your lead and sits at the other end of the couch. In your peripherals, he looks like a big, black scribble of a thousand swirling lines and you don’t have it in you to focus your eyes on him and let him appear as Jungkook. As a person. So, you keep your eyes on the TV.

Nothing is said between you both for a long while, all your senses are heightened though as you anticipate his next words to you. The hairs on your arms rise when the click of the AC goes off as it turns on. You wonder if his next words have to do with apologizing about cheating on you. Apologize to you that you just couldn’t be enough. Apologize to you for losing your son.

Your head slightly tilts in the direction of the kitchen when you notice the soft drip drops of water from the faucet. The distant bark from a small dog. Jungkook’s fingernails scratching his forearm. Every noise is going off in your ears, haunting you, taunting you and driving you insane.

You only want to hear his voice.

“Why are you here?” You finally break the noisy silence.

“To see you.” He says, voice quiet and afraid. “You’re doing better than me, huh?”

Your palms are flat against the couch cushion before you slowly curl your fingers, grabbing nothing of the material at his words. “Do you really think you get to say that to me?”

“This isn’t fair for either of us, y/n.” Jungkook has the audacity to keep speaking. “You just don’t understand.”

You twist your head to eye him, your jaw tight as you watch him sit on the sofa, eyes cowering away from yours. “You’ll stop talking now.” You tell him as your voice becomes quiet and afraid as well. You’re livid but you speak like you’re hurt.

“Then…” Jungkook pauses, his eyes going all around the living room now before he sighs. “Then I’ll just listen.”

You push your head back in disbelief, “I didn’t ask you to come here so I can talk to you. In fact, I didn’t ask you to come here at all.”

He finally turns his head toward you, his eyes are red and watery and you hate that you hate seeing him on the verge of tears. You watch his throat as you pay attention to the hard way he swallows. “I know. But I had to see you.”

Suddenly, your head starts pounding, a harsh banging from inside your forehead. You quickly let your head fall into your hands when those words keep repeating inside your mind. I know. But I had to see you. I know. But I had to see you. I know. But I had to see you.

You groan into your hands. The pain erupting on all sides of your head. The words repeating over and over, making your ears feel like they’re bleeding. I know. But I had to see you.

“y/n?” You hear Jungkook’s quiet and afraid voice.

I know. But I had to see you.

“I thought you didn’t want to see me…” Jungkook’s eyes are blood shot. You know he’s been drinking again.

“I know.” You mutter, “But I had to see you.”

“Oh.” He stumbles backward, his hand widening his front door to his new, shitty apartment. You feel anger bubbling, because you know he’s drunk. You’re doing everything in your power to keep it together and he’s wasting his time drinking.

“You’ve shut out Jimin.” You tell him, cutting to the chase. “So you don’t know anything, do you?”

“W-What’s there to know? I don’t need them anymore. Also, I was fucking fired.”

You snap your eyes to his as he still stands at his open doorway. “You’re pissing me off, Jungkook.”

“I can do this on my—”

“—They’re closing the case.” You say. “They’re saying he’s…that he’s…” You pause, throat growing drier. “You know.”

“I don’t know.” Jungkook drunkenly shrugs, slamming the door shut, making you flinch. “They’re all wrong, anyway.”

You feel your shoulders growing tenser, your lips in a hard, thin line before they die into a frown. “They’re saying we should hold a funeral.”

Jungkook’s body goes still, his hanging arms at his sides suddenly rise to his face when he rubs his temples. “Excuse me?”

“They want to—”

“Just stop!” He suddenly cries out, voice shrill. You see his eyes growing redder and redder as tears fill them up. “None of you know what you-you’re talking about. Just shut up, all of you!”

You flinch.

Jungkook’s fingers go into his hair when he starts pulling on the strands. “This just isn’t right.” He keeps muttering to himself, “I got this. I got this. I got this.” He starts pacing back and forth in front of his coffee table. “Just stop. Stop talking.”

You stand in silence.

“I said stop talking!”

You watch him unravel.

“Jung—”

Glass breaks across the coffee table. A shattered soju bottle that he’s thrown.

You flinch again.

You take a step back.

Jungkook falls to the floor, crying and yelling at no one. The loss of your son is much worse than you could have imagined. But you knew telling Jungkook about the funeral was going to cause something more serious to unravel. But you didn’t imagine this.

“y/n?” Jungkook voice sounds sober now. “y/n?”

Your head is about to split into sections, the pain so overwhelming.

You lift your face from your hands, your cheeks overflowing with tears. Why did you have to remember that?

“Hey,” Jungkook stands from the sofa and comes closer to you. His hand hesitantly landing on your shoulder but just like in your memory, you flinch. He immediately frowns. “y/n…” He brings his hand back to his body. “Talk to me, I’ll just listen.”

“G-go.” You keep your head low as your eyes stay glued to your lap. “Please just go.”

His hands freeze at his sides, using all of his self-control. Even you can feel how tense his body is, just from the heat that radiates off of it. You’re being serious. He needs to go before you spiral into one of your throbbing headaches that give you a panic attack. The kind you can manage on your own—and prefer to.

“Please, Jungkook…” You squeeze your eyes shut. “I’m not feeling well now so pl—”

“—Okay.” His fingers curl into hard fists. “Call me if you need anything. Please.” He stands here for another moment, like his feet have become glued to the floor and he’s unable to move. But after a tentative sigh, they finally move. And your ears bleed again at each sound that can be heard. The click of the AC turning off, the small dog whining in your neighbor’s yard, each drip of water dropping from the faucet and finally the whoosh of the front door opening and closing shut. And you finally let go a long, long breath.

Your head hurts and your heart hurts, the memory fresh in your mind. You never imagined to see Jungkook…like that. You barely recognized him. Does he have a drinking problem? Or did? You need to erase these images in your head, or at least scatter something pretty over them. And that’s when you get an idea that you know is pure torture.

One of the boxes from the attic is sat on your living floor, with your bottom plopped right next to it. It’s a box you organized yourself, you can tell. Just a box of intimate memories with your ex-husband. You pull out a letter you’ve read at least six times now…might as well make it seven.

The envelope is pink with little hearts drawn all over it and though it’s only eight years old, it looks like it’s at least 20. The envelope itself is wrinkly with random water stains and the page inside is soft and used like you’ve read this letter a thousand times. Might as well make it a thousand and one.

You slip the paper out of the envelope, unfolding it carefully, the crinkling paper opening up with Jungkook’s handwriting written all over.

April 10 2015

Dear y/n,

Hi it’s me, your boooooyfriend. >.< sorry I’m still getting used to it. You’re probably wondering why I’m writing a letter when I could just call or text you but you seemed to think it was cute in that movie we watched the other day and so Im writing you one too!! Also, I think my peers are thinking Im working really hard on a case. I wish I was but they won’t give me anything good. I know it hasn’t even been a year since I finally landed here in the Investigation sector as a detective but they still treat me like such a rookie…blaaaahhhhh you know this already. The captain seems to think I have potential though. But ya know what? The guys here said the only thing ive done right so far is getting you as a girlfriend hahaha

Maybe they’re right I mean they’re definitely right

I miss you so much

Im sitting here at my desk writing you and its just making me miss you a kabillzillion times more…….i seriously aaaaahhhh im going crazy because I miss you that much

Im so lucky youre so amazing and my favorite person to exist and so pretty so pretty

I know we’ve only been together for a short while but what if I told you I know exactly how I feel about yoooouuuuu huh what if

Ask me about it when I see you tonight

Love,

Jungkook Your cheerios

You read it. Then you read it again. This is the Jungkook you want to remember.

It’s the next day and you’re opening the package you ordered just yesterday. Pulling out a small box, you get it open and unravel the charging cable to the phone you’ve found. Taking a look at the clock, you realize you’re a bit behind. You wanted to get to the café at noon for work but it’s already 15 after. You quickly plug the charger into the wall and get the phone charging. It’s dead so it’ll take a while to get turned on so you decide to leave it here while you head out.

The café is a bit busy today, more people than you’re used to, but thankfully you see an open table. You set up your laptop and get to work. Taking a pause to message Mijoo about needing some guidance if she can meet any of these days. It would be nice to have some help in person. After working for a bit, you can’t help but lift your face from the screen and dart your eyes around the place. No sign of Seokjin today. Not that it means anything but he’s got the kind of warm, reassuring smile that you could use these days.

And just like clockwork, the quiet bell dings when he walks through the café’s front door. He meets your eye immediately and gives you a small nod and the smile you were searching for. You nod back, eyes going back down to the laptop before you take another peak towards Seokjin. He’s walked up to the counter, talking with the young girl that’s always here. After a moment she hands him a box of what you assume are desserts. Maybe he’s giving them to the elderly again.

Then he walks out.

Oh, he isn’t staying today.

That’s okay, you don’t have time to chat with a harmless nice guy anyway. You have work to do. Something to truly get your mind off of everything else you’ve been going through. You think it’s a miracle you have it in you to try every day. In another universe, you might have already gone insane.

After working a little while longer, you pack your things up and head to your car. It’s a sunny day, barely any clouds in the sky and it feels warm. Warm enough to make you forget this coldness that lingers all around you, all inside you.

You start driving home when you remember you’re supposed to pick up a few groceries so you stop by the market first. It’s not too crowded and since you’re in an okay mood, you decide to put in your earphones and walk inside with a pep to your step. You needed zucchini…what else? Bread for sure was on your list. Peanut butter, eggs, oh yeah and some chips for when you get a craving.

You start heading to the aisle with peanut butter when you recognize someone familiar.

“Seokjin?” You mumble his name but he doesn’t hear you. His eyes fully focused on his jams. He stands here, deep in thought before he finally reaches for one.

“Hi.” You say a little louder and he jumps in his spot.

He turns to face you, ears turning red when he sees you. “Hi.” He stares at you dumbfounded for a moment, “I just realized I don’t know your name.” Then he chuckles.

You can’t help but crack a smile, “It’s y/n.”

“Ah, y/n. Yeah, that suits you.” He tells you confidently.

“Does it?”

“Do you usually shop here?” Seokjin gestures around the aisle, “I’ve never seen you before. Or are you…” He suddenly drops his smile and looks serious. “Following me?” Then he breaks into a huge smile before adding, “Dun, dun, duuuun.”

You feel your stomach swirl with something before you shake your head, feeling embarrassed. “No, no! I live around here actually. This is just a coincidence.”

“A coincidence, huh? A lot of those lately.” He gives you another smile, this time more teasing. “We should just meet on purpose, you know.”

You stand here, taken aback by his words. Is he implying meeting intentionally?

He seems to feel your shift. “Unless, unless…” His eyes avert yours now, his ears turning a deeper shade of red. “Sorry. Unless you don’t want to. Maybe you’re already seeing someone.”

You shake your head quickly, “No. I’m…I’m not.” You’re not but it feels wrong to say it. “But I wasn’t assuming…anything. Like, if you were implying a date or something.”

Seokjin pouts his lips before glancing up at the ceiling, “Why not? You would have been right.”

You blink at him, taken aback again. “Oh.”

“I happen to know a pretty great restaurant. Maybe we can not coincidentally meet there?”

He’s…asking you out.

And it pains you because… “I can’t. Sorry,” You look down at your feet before glancing towards the jams. “Umm, I’m kind of going through something and—”

“—Oh.” Seokjin nods his head quickly. “No, no. I understand…you don’t have to explain. I’m kind of going through something too and I know that a good way to get through it is some nice company every now and then.” He gives you a warm smile, all the teasing gone. “I understand you though. So don’t worry but…” He suddenly pats his pants pockets before looking delighted. “In case you change your mind…I’m learning to…how do they kids say…shoot my shot.” He suddenly pulls out a receipt and a pen and scribbles something on it before handing it to you.

His number.

“Just in case!” He cheeses harder.

“I honestly don’t think it’s a big deal.” Misuk looks at you through the camera, her face looking brighter. “It’s just a date!”

“It is a big deal.” You whine again, “I’m in love with someone else and I have a whole lot of mess going on.”

Subin nods her head sympathetically, “That’s true. But I think Misuk means it’s not a big deal because it could be…” She pauses, clearly thinking of the right words. It’s amusing to you to see they might agree on this. “A good thing? A simple thing! A little, you know, fun thing!”

“Exactly!” Misuk drags out the word, “You don’t have to fall in love but you’re so focused on…you know, your memories…that you aren’t living life.”

“Uh,” You begin to defend yourself, “I’m—”

“—Yes, yes.” Misuk waves you off, “You are getting back into work! And that’s good! But you really should start living a normal life again.”

“And…” Subin looks off camera, her eyes looking softer. “It’s kind of the same. You are missing your memories, yes, and I’m so sorry…but 33 year old you was the same. Divorced. And I don’t think you were in any headspace to even think about wanting Jungkook back.” She finishes quietly.

“You wanted nothing to do with him.” Misuk tells you. “So just live a little…you know, just normal things. And who knows, it might help with your memories.”

You sit still for a moment. You’ll admit that you haven’t exactly been living normally. You mostly sit around all day, alone, surrounding yourself with things you don’t understand and torture yourself with memories of Jungkook.

“Anyway, I’ll let you guys know if anything changes.” You chuckle after you focus your eyes on your friends again. “I just got home so I gotta put these groceries ...away" Your eye notices the list lying on the counter and you realize..."Damn, and I forgot the eggs. Anyway, I’ll call later!” You sing out.

“Okay! Bye!”

“Bye!” Subin sings back. And you end the call.

Maybe they’re right. Maybe you deserve a little break or something simple and fun. You bite your lip, thoughts still lingering but you decide to reach into your back pocket and pull out the receipt Seokjin gave you. You shake your head quickly but reach for your phone and input the number and press call. You need light in this darkness.

You hate feeling defeated.

Sitting on your sofa, blanket wrapped tightly around you as your hand clenches around this cold, empty and useless device.

The phone has either never been used or was completely wiped. You thought you could torture yourself with more information but you’ve come out of this empty handed. There’s nothing on here. No call history, no text history, no pictures or videos…nothing. You squeeze the phone harder, frustration still building. When your actual phone buzzes.

Your eyes shoot down to your now lit up phone and you drop the useless one to the couch cushion. It might be Subin gushing about this band she’s seeing this weekend. You’ll ignore—

Buzz.

You give in, reaching for your phone and your stomach does its usual uneasy swirling.

Jungkook 9:10pm

How are you feeling?

Jungkook 9:10pm

We don’t have to talk but at least tell me how youre doing…

Your eyes slam shut, the urge to cry too strong. Because you’re hurt. You’re hurting. You’re confused. You’re angry. And you’re sad.

Why are you so weak? You should delete him, block him and throw your whole phone away. Because your phone knows him and you don’t.

But you’re weak because you’re going to text back.

Except Jungkook beats you to it.

Jungkook 9:13pm

Did you get hit with a headache earlier? You okay? Have you seen your doctor lately?

All these questions are giving you different kind of headache.

You 9:13pm

Its fine, Im fine

You lie

Jungkook 9:13pm

Liar

You 9:14pm

Jungkook

You 9:14pm

Do you have a drinking problem?

You press send. You see the bubbles pop up your screen, indicating that he’s typing but they disappear. Then they reappear. And disappear again.

You 9:16pm

Jungkook?

Jungkook 9:16pm

Who told you that?

You feel your shoulders tense.

You 9:16pm

No one told me

You 9:17pm

I just remember when I went to your place…there was a lot of alcohol lying around and the place seemed rough

You 9:17pm

And idk I got thinking. Im not trying to accuse you or anything but…is what I saw…what I think it is?

You send. It’s not a total lie. Not what you’re referring to…but not a total lie.

You stare at the screen but there’s no indication if he’s read your message or not. No typing. Nothing. Your eyes glance at the clock and it reads 9:19pm now. It’s okay. Only two minutes. But why does it feel like eternity?

9:25pm and all you’ve done is sit, tightly wrapped in a blanket on your couch, and stare at your phone screen, touching the screen every time it times out. And still nothing.

But then you see bubbles pop up.

Back straightening, you breathe in and out as your eyes remain on the screen.

He’s been typing for three minutes.

You hold your breath now.

Jungkook 9:28pm

And if it is?

You let out a short breath, disbelief crawling all over your skin that you throw the blanket off of you and stand from the couch. Your memories are reliable.

You feel a sting pierce your eyes but you grit your teeth and hold any tears back. This is just too much for you to accept. You walk into the kitchen, frustration raging inside your body. You step up to the sink, hands gripping the edge of the counter before leaning forward, sighing out your anger.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Calming down, you immediately grab a bowl and sniffle to yourself. You’ll just do these dishes and forget all about this.

You take another bowl, the hot water burning your fingers and palms as you absentmindedly scrub it clean.

“Sometimes I think you wash clean dishes at this point.” Jungkook wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest.

You laugh, “Not true.”

“The water is too hot, baby.” He nuzzles his face into your neck, suddenly pecking it softly. “You’re going to melt the skin off your bones.”

You realize he’s right, the water is really hot but you were just lost in thought. Your wedding is in two days. You get out of your thoughts while you set the bowl back into the sink and turn the faucet off. “I’m just—”

“I know.” Jungkook nuzzles his nose into your warm skin. “I can’t believe you’re the one who’s nervous between us.”

You sigh, small smile on your face. “I’m not nervous. But I am, a little.”

“I know.”

“Not in a bad way.”

“I know that too.”

“In a…marrying the love of my life, wow life is crazy kind of way.” You dry your hands before twisting in Jungkook’s embrace and you lean in to kiss him. “You probably know what I mean.”

He laughs against your lips, “I would be the one who knows exactly what you mean.”

Your lips twist into a sheepish smile, “I missed you today.”

“I missed you more.”

You roll your eyes, a teasing smile forming now. “Liar.”

He looks surprised for a second before rolling his own eyes, “I’m serious.”

“You’re only serious about work nowadays.” You tease him, and you are mostly teasing. It’s only lately he’s been zeroed in on a case.

But Jungkook frowns, “It isn’t going well.” He admits to you. “I don’t know that we’ll get this one.”

“You will.” You lean forward more and nudge your nose against his, “You are the best there is.”

Jungkook chuckles, “Unfortunately I’m still in the ‘proving myself’ phase.”

“Here too.” You continue to tease him, “Still deciding if this wedding is happ—”

“—Heeeeey, don’t joke like that.” Jungkook nudges his nose against yours now, “Tell me I’m the best here too.”

Your hands trail down his chest, eyes focusing on his. “You are.”

“I wish Jimin would tell me that too.” He laughs a little but you know he’s serious. You take his hands in yours.

“You guys are new at being partners. Give it time, babe.”

“He hates me.” Jungkook sighs, “He thinks I mess everything up. And honestly, I can’t blow this one, y/n. The captain believes in me, which is good but my own partner doubts me.”

You understand this is hard for Jungkook to accept.

“Listen…” You give his hands a squeeze. “This is your first big one, right? Take it slow and I know you won’t get flustered like the last one.”

He immediately drops his hands from yours, “I can’t get like how I was with the last one.” Jungkook takes a step away from you, “This one is way too serious…the men I’m dealing with, y/n…you have no idea. I can’t mess this up.”

“Baby…” You feel bad for bringing up the last case he took with Jimin. He got too involved emotionally and when things didn’t end up well for the victim…”It’s okay. You have me to talk about this with and—”

“—But I don’t. I’m legally not allowed to. I got in trouble with sharing so much last time and…fuck,” Jungkook pauses. Closes his eyes slowly before taking a step forward and reaching for your hands again. “This is not what we need to be talking about right before our wedding. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” You give his hands another squeeze. “We share our lives. With or without marriage, right?”

“I only wanna talk about us.” He breathes out softly, his lips inching closer to yours. “Let’s focus on you and me.”

And your skin is burning again. It’s on fire. Too much fire, it hurts.

And that’s when you realize you’re still here at your kitchen sink, hot lava rushing to your skin, burning you as you hold the bowl you were cleaning.

You take a deep breath, taking a step back from the sink when you slam your eyes shut and let out a loud groan. You don’t even flinch when the sound of glass hits the floor because you’ve thrown the bowl. You don’t care.

Another memory.

And it seems they’re all out of order.

Another bead of sweat dribbles down the side of Jungkook’s face, rolling right off his skin. And another miserable night. He gently throws his head back against the bathroom wall, his hairline drenched from hour two of hurling in the toilet. He’s drank too much again. Maybe some bad food poisoning in there. But even still, he knows he’s drank too much.

He isn’t abusing the alcohol, really. Not lately. But he knows what it can do to him. He hates it. He hates himself.

He hates this existence.

Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut before he groans to himself, knocking his head back a few more times. What is he doing?

He misses you.

He wants to make things right.

How?

Jungkook wipes his mouth with the back of his hand before trying to stand from the floor. He’s wobbly but he manages. He’s tired and he isn’t sleeping and he can’t because he knows you’re not. This is how he feels like he’s with you, the only real support he can give.

He looks at himself in the mirror, his tired eyes staring back at him. He wants to tell that guy to fuck off, for some reason. He wants to scoff at him and offer him no sympathy. Jungkook wants to raise his hands to that man’s throat and squeeze. He wants to swear at him and curse him. His mouth twists and his eyes grow teary and he sighs. Because all he can do is cry for him.

His head snaps up when the bathroom counter vibrates from his phone. Someone’s texted.

Unknown Number

Its me

Buzz.

Unknown Number

We need to talk

#bts #jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #bts angst #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts fanfic #jungkooks fics #Kim Namjoon #Kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #Kim taehyung #our time chapter 7

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katnisspeetaprim · 11 months

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Always, Us (Suchwita)

Min Yoongi/FemIdol!Reader Requests open!

Warnings: Established relationship, discussion of pregnancy and marriage, idol!au

Word Count: 1506 M.list

‘Today on suchwita, we have someone people have wanted for a long while.’ Yoongi addressed the cameras as you stood at the side, excitedly waiting for your cue. Since Yoongi started his show, fans had wanted you to make an appearance, but there was never a good enough reason for you to appear until now. You don’t know if the reason fans wanted you here because they genuinely liked you, or if they just wanted to be nosey about your relationship now that it was public. Either way, you were happy to do this for Yoongi.

‘It’s Y/N of the group Prima.’ He stood from his seat and welcomed you with a bow, before pulling your chair out for you. You feigned shock as you sat down.

‘This is how you know cameras are around. He’s acting like a gentleman.’

‘YAH! Don’t say that!’ He snorted with a laugh as he sat down opposite you. ‘I’m always kind.’

‘Sure if you say so.’

‘I’m sure you noticed I got your favourite alcohol here. I’ll keep it for myself if you carry on.’ He smirked, gesturing to the various colourful bottles on the table.

‘You wanna play that game?’ You challenged, leaning forwards with a smirk to match his own. Yoongi relented, leaning back and waving his hands with a smile.

‘Ok, we’re getting off topic and we haven’t even started yet.’ You also relaxed, but you knew you had won that round.

‘As I was aying, this is your favourite. Let me pour you a glass.’ You held out your glass and thanked him as he poured.

‘People have been curious about us since we went public right?’ You asked, getting right into why you were there.

‘Yes.’ He agreed, drinking from his own glass. ‘How did it feel for you to finally be open after having to hide it for so long?’ Yoongi had given you a brief run down of the kind of questions that would be asked the night before, so that you could prepare, though you didn’t want to just write and memorise a script, especially when it came to your love life. You wanted your words to be as natural as possible.

‘It felt good to not have to sneak around. I know you were relieved too.’ Yoongi nodded in agreement.

‘It made me feel like we were a couple of horny teenagers sneaking out at night.’ He laughed.

‘Oh yeah you’re right! But looking back I don’t know why we hid it so long. People have been shipping us since we first met pretty much.’ You smiled warmly, thinking back to when you posted a picture of yourself and a young trainee Yoongi onto your groups twitter account. Yoongi wasn’t well know back then, but your fans were curious about your connection to the young trainee.

‘Do you remember how we met?’ Yoongi asked, smoothly moving the conversation along. You didn’t answer right away. You looked down as a subtle blush spread across your cheeks as you thought of the memory.

‘Why are you blushing? Don’t get shy now!’ Yoongi laughed as he called you out.

‘Shut up.’ You mumbled, all in good fun.

‘Ok. I was late for rehearsal and I ended up barging into your guys room by accident.’ You cringe at that part. ‘ You all stared at me and I was so embarrassed, but you also offended me that day!!’ Yoongi raised his eyebrows questioningly. Had he really?

‘Yes!’ You exclaimed, making him a little nervous. ‘You didn’t know who I was! Even though I debuted like 2 years before that!’ Yoongi sighed in relief and rolled his eyes.

‘I told you before! I didn’t know many current groups back then! I was too busy trying to debut myself.’

‘Yeah, sure.’ You crossed your arms with a pout.

‘Why are you pressed about that still? It was over a decade ago!’

‘That’s not the point! I’m your senior so you should respect me!’ Yoongi choked out and exasperated laugh, before he addressed the crew.

‘do you see what I deal with on a daily basis?’

‘You see! This is what I mean.’ You laughed whilst gesturing towards him. ‘No respect...’ Yoongi shook his head, laughing at the interaction.

‘You know, my mom keeps asking me when we’re going to give her grand kids.’ You froze and internally cursed him for bringing up this topic. It’s not like you don’t want babies with him, it just never felt like the right time to try. Especially now with his military service coming up...

‘I always thought we’d try after your enlistment, but we never really discussed it....’ You confessed, feeling the energy of the room die slightly. You saw Yoongi’s eyes widen ever so slightly at your answer, but he covered it up by rubbing his face.

You weren’t lying when you said it hadn’t been talked about, so your answer definitely caught him off guard.

‘We also need to find time for a wedding.’ He played it off cooly, trying to move on with a joke. You frowned to yourself. His reaction was strange. This definitely needed more investigating.

The remainder of filming flew by. You’d managed to avoid any more awkwardness after that and put on a good show. You were fairly certain that part would be cut anyway. It may have been a little too personal to bring it up in that way in hindsight....

‘So, do you want to talk about what you said?’ Both you and Yoongi were sat in his car in the parking lot. You could get a lift from the company driver, but Yoongi proffered the freedom of being able to drive himself. ‘About having kids?’ He looked over to you with an expression you couldn’t quite read. Looking down at your hands in your lap, you began to speak.

‘I meant what I said. I want kids with you, but I ... also don’t want to give up my career...’ You trailed off. He sucked in a breath at your words, but stayed silent. ‘I just said that about your enlistment because I didn’t know what else to say.’ You sniffled slightly, but you were determined to not get upset. Yoongi placed a comforting hand on your thigh and leaned across the console.

‘Hey. You won’t loose your career. You really think Bang PD would let you go after all these years?’ He spoke soothingly. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t stop a few tears escaping your eyes.

‘I know it’s stupid to think this way but-‘ Yoongi quickly shook his head.

‘Don’t talk like that. If you’re upset it’s not stupid, ok?’ He had now moved his hand to the back of your neck, rubbing calming circles into your skin. You slowly looked up at him to see him giving you a reassuring smile. You were unable to stop yourself from reaching up and pulling him into a hug, or as much as you could manage with the gear box between you.

‘I’m sorry I got upset.’ You mumbled into his neck. He craned his neck to place a kiss on the side of your head.

‘Nothing to be sorry for.’ You both stayed like that for a few relaxing moment as you calmed down. Pulling back, you wiped at your eyes before quickly pecking his lips.

‘We need to talk properly at some point, but right now I need you to take me home so I can stuff my face with ice cream.’ Yoongi broke out into his iconic gummy smile as he stared at you.

‘You must be feeling better if you can crack jokes. Now put your seatbelt on woman.’ Yoongi pulled out of the parking lot and started the journey home. You both sat in comfortable silence, only the sounds of the quiet radio played in the car. You thought back to the filming, when you suddenly remembered something he so casually said during the interview.

‘So...’ He glanced at you briefly, before looking back to the road. ‘What was that about a wedding?’ You smirked when he choked on his own spit and clearing his throat.

‘Ah yeah. That...’

‘You haven’t even proposed to me.’ You teased, hoping he might get a hint. Yoongi fully looked at you when he pulled up to a traffic light, smile tugging at his lips.

‘Do you want me to?’

‘I certainly wouldn’t be oppose to the idea!’ You both sent coy smiles to each other and that was that. Conversation over.’ The two of you didn’t need to get married to know you loved each other, but having said that...

And thus, a few weeks later, Korea woke to the news that you and Yoongi had secretly eloped and made your marriage official.

You had a lot of explaining to do to your parents, but you got out of it by promising that you would have a ‘proper’ ceremony at a later date. For now though, you were both content with how things were.

#bts #bts x reader #imagine #one shot #scenario #drabble #reaction #smut #angst #fluff #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #idol!au #Request

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ldysmfrst · 16 days

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American Mate - (4)

First Case of Alpha Space

Paring: Hybrid!BTS Ot7 x Plus-sized Human FemReader

Status: Ongoing series

Chapter number: 4 of unknown

Word count for Chapter: 4132

Work count for Story: 16,244

Genre: Hybrid Playmate Au inspired by works created by @yoongiofmine

A little about the author: I am a mother of two beautiful children. One of which is special needs, and on 3/28, they lost 75% of their vision. I have had to take time off work to accommodate many MANY doctor appointments. I started a Ko-fi if you feel the heart to donate towards helping with the medical costs of appointments, medication, and modifications to the house, which insurance doesn't cover.

Warnings: (I am not good at this, but I will try. Let me know if I missed anything!!) NOT BETA READ!! This story will have a bit of angst, fluff, smut, f/m, m/m, and m/f/m. This chapter does have Injury, Anxiety, Panic attacks, comfort, Alpha Space, and Cultural differences.

Story Summary: The Hybrid K-pop group BTS is on tour in America; of course, things don't start out the way they should, but after an encounter with Y/n, things change but will everyone follow Fate?

Is it really that big of a deal that you got hurt? My god, you were 35 already. You have never lived a sheltered life. You have had your fair share of broken bones, twisted ankles, scrapes, and bruises.

You are always going on adventures, riding horses, and climbing things you probably should not be climbing. The external scars you bear are associated with stories that are good conversation starters when you feel like showing them.

Things would be difficult for a while because you are right-handed. You have a few days of sick time saved up that you can use to start with. Hopefully, this will help you gain some kind of compliance from your award left hand.

Work, however, is going to be the hard part. Luckily, your work is typically done on electronics, meaning nothing has to be handwritten. Even if you tried to write left-handed, no one could read it. You would bet money doctors had better writing than you did. Dictation software to save the day!

Hearing Derek’s voice broke you out of your thoughts regarding your near future. Watching him act cautiously while interacting with the other hybrid was interesting. There is clearly a difference in how he acts with Yoongi than Evie. Giggling to yourself at the mention of being a mate with Derek gains the attention of both.

“Oh, sorry. The thought of being a mate, much less to Derek, was amusing, I guess.”

You missed the slight frown that briefly graced both men’s faces. Derek thought you were implying he wasn’t mate material, and Yoongi thought you believed you were not worthy of being a mate.

“Thanks Y/n. I let you know that I am a catch despite being a Beta. Besides, this isn’t about me right now. We need to get the leadership involved with what to do moving forward. Are you okay if we bring in the others?”

“Yes, please. I need to speak with Director Johnson, fill out an incident report… um or dictate an incident report, and then get to a doctor.” Attempting to stand up, you are blocked by the golden-yellow eyes that have not stopped watching your every move.

”Mr. Min, I need to get some things done and take care of my wrist.”

Yoongi’s eyes narrow, and a soft growl pours through the room, causing your eyes to widen. You look over your shoulder at Derek with a ‘what-the-F-did-I-do’ expression, only to be met with a smirk.

“Y/n, I don’t think you understand what is going on. You haven’t dealt with a situation like this before. You may love hybrids but you still have limited interactions with our culture and this dynamic.”

Walking backward toward the door, Derek continues, “With the state of mind that Mr. Min is in, it might be best if a packmate explains.”

Derek opens the break room door to face Hosek, Teahyung, Namjoon, and Jungkook, who are all staring. “Oh, Hi there.”

Then, as if someone had turned the mute off, they all started talking simultaneously.

“Is Yoongi-hyung dropped yet?”

“그 사람 괜찮아요?”

“Why does she still smell hurt?”

“Wait, wait, wait, please,” Derek puts his hands up, motioning to stop.

“I do not know Korean for one and for two Mr. Min has gone into full non-verbal Alpha Space and I am not sure he will be coming out of it anytime soon. However, one of you should go in to handle the situation and she needs to talk with Director Johnson.”

At the mention of the director, a low growl came from Taehyung, causing Derek to take a step back and lower his eyes in an automatic response to a displeased Alpha.

The scent of calming leather gently flows over the group at the door as Namjoon steps forward. His mind is still reeling a million miles a second with you being their mate and you being injured. To top it off, Yoongi is on a deep level of Alpha Space.

“Sorry about that. I can come in, but the director is busy at the moment dealing with the playmates, corporate office, and Manager Sejin,” Namjoon apologizes as he enters the room.

He follows Derek to where his packmate and Y/n are situated at a table. Taehyung and Jungkook follow quickly.

They both kneel respectfully behind Yoongi. Their Alphas recognize that Yoongi is currently in charge of you, and it would be unwise to display anything that could be considered a threat by approaching you too quickly.

They both need to be close to you, and their instincts to be with their injured mate drive their actions. Looking you over for injuries, their eyes resting on your wrist with furrowed brows and set jaws.

Taehyung’s eyes change to crystal blue as his tail flickers almost in time with Yoongi’s as he slips into Alpha Space.

“Namjoon-hyung, Y/n is hurt. She needs a hospital, I think,” Jungkook says, his ears standing straight up on his head, one-pointedly focused on you and the other twitching between his Prime Alpha and the door.

“It is not that big of an issue, Mr. Jeon, Mr. Min, and Mr. Kim.” Looking up from the trio in front of you and addressing the Prime Alpha, “Sir, I have specific protocols to follow due to company procedure. I have to talk with the Director.”

A growl from one of the men in front of you freezes your words, unsure of what you did to cause their reactions. Internally, you groan because it seems all you get from them are growls, as if you vex them more than you humanly possible.

“Miss Y/n, we have already talked to Director Johnson,” Namjoon says with a look of distaste.

“He has been informed that you are now under the care of Bangtan Pack following hybrid customs. It would be wise to refrain from talking about him at the moment, he did not leave a good impression with the pack.”

Your brows scrunch in confusion, making the hybrids want to coo at your cute face. Clearing his throat (aka his mind), Namjoon continues, “We have more pressing matters to attend to besides paperwork.”

“You are injured, and we have to get you to a doctor. Manager Sejin is currently contacting one of our personal physicians that we normally use while on tour to have you treated.”

“What? Why would I use your doctor? I can just go to the local clinic.” Your scent spikes almost like a heavy perfume with anxiety with the flashbacks of your nightmare.

“Please, I have taken up much of your time, and caused enough problems as it is. I can take care of myself. I don’t want to be a bother.”

At your words, you are surrounded by multiple growls and watched by now golden-yellow, crystal blue, and smokey gray eyes. Scooting back in the chair, you nervously ask, “Derek, what did I do?”

“Y/n, you really don’t get it do you? For as smart as you are, sometimes you can be oblivious.” He smiles and shakes his head, stepping back from the group and heading towards the door.

“Mr. Kim, as Prime Alpha, you might want to explain what is happening and what she should be expecting. Mind you, she has been fiercely independent for the last 15 years of her life.”

“I wish you the best with her. It won’t be easy, trust me, I know. Good Luck.” Derek bows slightly to Namjoon once he reaches the break room door.

Looking at you again, this time with a smile filled with adoration for his best friend and what he thinks your future may hold, Derek says, “Relax and have fun.” Then he turns and leaves the room.

As Derek leaves the room, he smiles at the remaining pack guarding the door. “Mr. Kim, Mr. Jung, and Mr.Park, I think your human does not understand what is happening.”

“Our human? So you know?” Seokjin questions with wide, cautious eyes.

Derek looks over his shoulder at the closed break room door. “At first, I thought it was just a typical Alpha reaction with him being the cause of Y/n getting injured, but his care and gentleness seemed to come from somewhere deeper. Add on the fact that your other two are fighting Alpha space. It would be hard to miss.”

“The other two?” someone asks.

Shaking his head, Derek looks back at the remaining three. “Yes, the younger Mr. Kim and Mr. Jeon’s Alphas surfaced just before I left. Your Prime Alpha is going to try to sort things out, but he may need some back up.”

“Meanwhile I am going to find our boss and see what needs to be done before you all run away with her.” Derek leaves the pack to mull over the new information.

“Tae has never been one to control his Alpha well when one of us is hurt. I am not surprised if he slipped once near her. Kook always runs on instinct too, so it makes sense he slipped as well,” Seokjin contemplates.

“Should we stay out here? Miss y/n’s pack member said it would be better to go in and help Namjoon? Three of us in Alpha space with an injured mate is not going to be easy,” Hosek adds.

Nibbling on his lower lip, Jimin thinks of ways to handle the situation. Even though he is one of the younger packmates, keeping the pack calm is his gift.

He just doesn’t know how to handle you yet, especially since you don’t know what you mean to the pack.

“Good, at least three of you are here, and I assume the rest have made their way into the room with Miss Y/n,” Manager Sejin says while walking up to the group.

“I have spoken with Big Hit, the Director at Playmate Service Incorporated, and Dr. Blackwell. Everyone is onboard and the doctor is ready to go.”

“Thank you,” Seokjin says, feeling relief that no one seems to be fighting this. “Namjoon is in with the rest of the pack and Miss Y/n, we should go in. From what Mr. Gulley says, Miss y/n does not seem to understand the situation to the fullest. I just hope that Namjoon can clear some things up.”

“Relax and have fun? What does he mean by that?” You mumble as you glare at the now-closed door that one of your best friends just shut.

He willingly left you with four Alpha male idols.

Three of them are kneeling on the floor with non-human eyes, and the Prime Alpha, looking around the room like the way to explain what's happening is painted on the walls.

Taking a breath, you say, “Mr. Kim, Prime Alpha… Sir. Derek is right. I have no actual experience with Alphas. I can tell that there must be some kind of instinctual drive going on, and there are trigger words or actions.”

“I don’t want to cause any more trouble than I already have. What do I do to make it easier for your pack?”

At your words, the kneeling Alphas gave a multitude of pleasant chirps. You looked at the three of them, a little confused. They seemingly smiled and made almost the same sound at what you said.

Okay, so they can growl and chirp. Your curiosity spikes when you think of what other animal-like sounds they can make as hybrids.

Drawing your attention back to him, Namjoon finds the words to explain what is happening, “Miss Y/n, you have done so much to help the Bangtan Pack feel welcome today.”

With a gentle smile, he continues, “So please relax, you have not caused any trouble, and we highly doubt that you will.”

Thinking to himself, ‘At least, not in the way you seem to be thinking.’

“Alpha’s run with a higher level of instinct than your Beta packmember. As an Alpha, Yoongi instinctually feels responsible for your injury. In order to calm that instinct, a few things will most likely need to happen.”

Watching as you seem to sit up with interest, he continues, “First things first, he and his Alpha need to get at least your injury treated.”

“He has to be the one to take me to get it treated? I can’t have him go with me to the clinic! There are fans and sasaengs and the media! What about your schedule? You always hear about the tight schedules Idols have and you have already spent all afternoon here over this.”

You start panicking about the hordes of people you hear about following the band around. God, the amount of bad publicity that would come from catching you and THE Suga of BTS at a clinic. You can’t imagine what nonsense they would come up with?

Your scent goes into an even heavier version; it takes on an almost alcoholic aspect. The kneeling Alphas instinctually send out calming pheromones while moving closer.

Yoongi’s tail, still wrapped around your ankle, tightens while he gently rubs the back of your injured hand, which he is cradling protectively.

Taehyung starts to purr softly, hoping that the sound will comfort you.

Jungkook, on instinct alone, scoots up to your left side, nudges his head under your left hand, and rests on your leg.

The feeling of Jungkook’s head on your leg snaps you out of your thoughts and brings you back into the room. You hold still as you start to recognize similar comforting behaviors the Alphas are doing with those that Evie always does, allowing you to take a deep breath.

“Sorry. I was raised to take care of myself and not impose on others.”

“Miss Y/n, you are not imposing. Again, Yoogni ran into you while rushing out of the room, and it's his responsibility to make amends. Actually, as a bonded pack, it is our responsibility, too.”

“The pack? Like all of you? Is this why they are all like this, with their eyes and stuff?”

Absent-mindedly, you run your fingers through Jungkook’s hair, softly scratching his scalp, soothing not only yourself but also the youngest Alpha.

A soft chuckle escapes Namjoons as he watches your instinctual interactions with the youngest mate. “Yes, that is the best way to explain the eyes and stuff, as you put it.”

“Jungkook and Taehyung will find it easier to leave their Alpha Space since they are not the ones responsible for the injury but trying to be supportive to both of you.”

Hearing a knock on the door, he calls, “Who is it?”

“Namjoon-ssi, it's Manager Sejin. I have some updates and a few questions. Can I enter?” The door opens slightly to reveal it’s him.

At Namjoon's nod, he enters. The door remains open as the scents in the room are constricting in their density. He is followed by the rest of the pack, who take up guarding now from inside.

“Did you contact everyone?”

“Big Hit and the Corporate Director are on the same page and will follow the hybrid protocol, but details must be discussed once Miss Y/n has met with the doctor,” Manager Sejin reports to the Prime Alpha.

Moving to look at you, he continues, “I contacted Dr. Blackwell, thinking you may be more comfortable with a female doctor.”

Glancing at the boys surrounding you closely, his scent changes with curiosity. He raises an eyebrow, looking at Namjoon. With a subtle nod, he confirms that something more is happening but does not move to explain.

Looking back at you, he gently smiles, “With the situation at hand, it may be best to limit other males around you until everyone is out of Alpha space. They tend to get territorial. Dr. Blackwell is on standby, ready to assess and treat you once we know where you will be.”

“Why wouldn’t she just come here, or I go to her?”

“Miss Y/n, Dr. Blackwell is a traveling physician. She doesn’t have a permanent office to use but she is well respected in both the human and hybrid communities.”

“Oh, I see. Well, umm…” you look at Namjoon and ask, “What option would be best for your pack?”

Namjoon’s chest puffs slightly at your show of respect to him as the Pack Prime Alpha despite the situation and your pain level. “Not to make you uncomfortable, Miss Y/n, but I think meeting Dr. Blackwell at our AirBnB would be best.”

You take a moment to think, your hand pulsing with pain. They cannot all fit in your flat; it's a mess after you tore through your closet to find the right clothes for today.

They don’t seem to like being here. Instinctually, even Derek and Evie prefer being in their dens when one of the three of you is hurt or sick.

“Okay. If it is best for the pack, then I will go with you to the AirBnB and see Dr. Blackwell.”

It’s almost as if a weight is lifted out of the room, allowing the pack to take a breath.

“Yoon, Kook, and Tae. Can you give Miss Y/n some room? We have to take her to the pack house to see a doctor,” Namjoon says with a firm voice, gaining smiles from the men kneeling on the floor.

Jungkook stands and curls into the Prime Alpha, his eyes returning to their natural color.

Taehyung rocks back on his heels but remains near. His body is more relaxed and his eyes are still crystal blue, shifting between Yoongi and you in wait.

After watching the two younger Alphas move around, your attention turns to the Jaguar kneeling with expectant but questioning eyes.

“Mr. Min, if I promise that you can stay with me, will you let me go get my things and then you can take me to the pack house?”

Yoongi’s face lights up with a gummy smile as he nods. Your breath hitches at the sight. How can the devastatingly handsome rapper look so adorable?

He stands up, his tail unwrapping from your leg. He softly takes both of your hands while he assists you in standing. You smile and mumble a small thanks as you step forward to leave.

“Prime Alpha, do you think I can talk with Derek briefly to let him know what is happening? This way he can talk to the direc… Boss. Talk to the boss and let him know that I am leaving for the day?”

“Yes, talking to him will be fine. He has been established as part of your familial pack and won’t be considered a threat to the pack if he comes around you now,” Namjoon answers, moving out of your way and motioning for the rest to let you pass.

Bowing slightly, “Thank you, Prime Alpha.”

Making it to your desk is more complicated than one would think.

Yoongi won’t leave your right side, while Taehyung won’t leave your left. Both act like it's code red and someone is trying to assassinate you. Then you have the rest of BTS trailing behind like some kind of posse.

You keep your head down to avoid any strange looks or glares from whomever you pass. To your relief, you find Derek waiting at your desk with his head resting on his palms and a mischievous smile.

“I see you are taking things in stride,” glancing at your plethora of bodyguards. “Did the Prime Alpha explain everything to you?”

Speaking up from the back of the group, Namjoon answers for you, “She is aware that we are responsible for her at this time and she will be treated at our temporary pack house by our doctor.”

You don’t miss Derek's look of concern as he tilts his head with curiosity at Namjoon. “I see, of course. You are just responsible for getting her treated.”

“Derek, can you please let the big boss know that I will be leaving with Bangtan Pack to seek medical care and once I have more updates I will let you both know?”

Glancing at Yoongi and still seeing his lovely golden-yellow eyes, you try to ignore the slight flutter in your stomach, “I don’t think it would be good for me to talk with him myself still.”

Derek nods in response, “Manager Sejin has already given the boss a rough time frame for the near future. I suppose his managing skills came in handy. Don’t worry about us here. We can handle it while you heal.”

Standing up, Derek passes you your purse, which Taehyung takes. You try to grab it again, but only to have a black and white tail wrap around your arm and bring it back down to your side.

“No carry. Keep safe.” Taehyung almost grunts out in a deeper-than-deep voice, which short-circuits your brain.

Glancing at Derek out of the side of your eye, you see him briefly nod and smile encouragingly while he whispers, “It’s an Alpha Space thing. Best acknowledge his help.”

“Umm… Th-tha-hank you, Alpha,” you stammer out, willing the heat creeping up your neck to stop as your words pull a boxy grin from the Tiger.

“I think that is it,” you announce to nobody in particular. You smile awkwardly at Derek as he slowly approaches you.

“Y/n, you have been through so much. Not just today but in your life. You have always been the one to take the blame for others, working harder or longer than anyone else and caring for those who never return the favor.”

His eyes glance at the men surrounding you as he sees nods of understanding and looks of concern from them.

As a soft smile blooms on his face, he holds onto your good hand, “Take time for yourself and let this pack of Alphas take care of you. You deserve it more than anyone else I know.”

He pulls you into a hug. You briefly stiffen, waiting for the growling and pulling to start, but to your surprise, it doesn't. Relaxing into his hug, you take his words to heart.

A soft whisper in your ear, “You know you will always have Evie and me as your family pack, but right now, be open to the pack around you,” with one last squeeze, Derek steps back and returns to your desk.

“Now, shoo! Off you go. The boss said I’ll get to man the front desk for now.”

With a nod, you wave goodbye and face the hybrids behind you. After not finding Manager Sejin and a few others missing, your eyes settle automatically on Namjoon, waiting for a clue as to what to do next.

“Manager Sejin went down to get the cars. Seokjin-hyung, Hosek-hyung, and Jimin also went down because we won’t all fit in the elevator.”

“Oh,” you feel a slight tightening in your chest after realizing you didn’t even notice they had gone.

“Miss Y/n, let's take you to get looked at,” Junkook says while inching towards the office doors.

“Yeah, sure. Sorry, I have everything. Lead the way.”

You follow the bunny and wolf hybrid while still sandwiched between the tiger and jaguar. Walking through the halls, you gain some attention from the people you pass.

You’re a mere human surrounded by some of the hottest Idols in the world right now. So why wouldn’t they?

Not willing to look up, you keep your eyes cast down to the feet in front of you as you try to avoid what you are a gazillion percent sure are looks of disgust and hate towards you.

Once the elevator doors open, the tiger lets out a low growl. Glancing up, you see two fellow PMS employees quickly scamper out of the elevator and down the hall.

That added to the embarrassment for now and when you return to work.

Namjoon and Jungkook take the back corners. Looking at the men by your sides, they motion for you into the elevator next.

However, when you go to stand in another corner, you are quickly ushered back into the middle with Yoongi and Taehyung in front of you.

The energy calms down as the doors close. The four Alphas relax now that they surround you and will start taking care of you.

Even if your trust in them starts with an injury, they know this is their chance to show you what it means to be taken care of, acknowledged as precious, and loved endlessly by the seven of them.

As the doors part, you're greeted by the remaining packmates waiting for you, smiles warm and welcoming. They're surrounded by more men in black, whom you assume are bodyguards.

Turning to look at you, Yoongi speaks for the first time since he entered Alpha Space, “Take home. Keep safe.”

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mirahuyooo · 1 year

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[Preview] Stranded | jhs

— But, darling, if you hadn’t fallen, you wouldn’t have met him—the one who’ll render you mad and drunk with his love so much that you’ll never want to find sanity again.

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x Reader Content: ANGST, fluff, romance, betrayal, hurt/comfort, & MANY MORE! [Greek Mythology AU ; inspired by Dionysus & Ariadne]

[masterlist] | check out [Elysian Tales] & [BTS as Greek Myth Icons]!

Leaning the umbrella over to your side, he once again thinks of the quickest path to a shelter he knows of. It’s around here somewhere.

Still, that won't seem to make the journey any less difficult. The rain was stubborn—as stubborn and proud as a man he knows—the thunder bellowing every once in a while to scare the daylights out of you. Though the forest was easier to navigate for the likes of him, it definitely doesn’t make it any less pleasant to tread through. He, himself, feels unpleasant walking through the forest in a state like this.

A surprise, however, soon comes to the young man. It appears that, at some point, you have noticed the position of the umbrella, and your conscience couldn't seem to take the unfairness for his side, because you had let your bodies huddle a little closer. Your hand even lightly holds onto his tunic as you look elsewhere.

Hoseok hides a smile at all of this. How sweet of her to care.

It was fortunate for the both of you that it didn't take too long for you to have reached your destination—just as the umbrella was about to give up, too. He steps under the stone roofing, arm gesturing with a welcome. "Here we are," he sings, tossing the umbrella aside and wringing out the rainwater from his clothes.

You gawk at the structure of the building as you step under its shade, the frown and furrow between your brows deepening. It was dark—especially with much of the moon obscured by heavy rain clouds—but you could make some sense of your surroundings. “This is a shrine,” you tell him, matter-of-factly, staying put where you were.

Hoseok stifles a chuckle. “And?”

A frantic trace of panic besets your face at his lack of concern. “We may offend the deity that reigns over this place,” you scold him, crossing your arms across your chest.

This refusal comes across as puzzling for him. He supposed all mortals are devoted in some sense of respect and fear for the gods, but you were walking too carefully on eggshells—driven mostly in fear. Have you or your family offended a god before?

Hoseok doesn't linger on the thought any longer, giving you an assuring smile instead. “It’ll be alright,” he tells you, “Trust me.”

It’s my shrine after all.

coming this Feb 18, 2023, Saturday at 6:00 PM (PHT)!

A/N: ngl I was hesitant with posting the preview, bUT i only have a few scenes left to write!!! (it's a LONG one) I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS Y'ALL! DIONYSUS HOBI AAAAA (Also, how fortuitous that I can finish it around Hobi's birthday uwu) Hope y'all anticipate this one! 🥰💖

Let me know if you want to join the taglist! ☆⌒(*＾-゜)v

#ITS HERE!#mira gives previews for the shit she writes rawr #bts au #bts greek myth au #bts greek mythology au #bts writing #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts imagines #bts oneshots #bts fics #jung hoseok imagines #jung hoseok x reader #bts jung hoseok x reader #jung hoseok angst #jung hoseok fluff

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kooktrash · 1 year

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fighting heart | jeon jungkook au

summary: never living a life of luxury, Jungkook does what he has to do to make ends-meet. right now that means fighting in underground clubs, getting beat black and blue until he wins. he knows there’s a better life out there for him but he never let himself think about it. until you came along and suddenly a weight is being lifted off his shoulders letting you through his guarded walls. you’re everything he needed and you make him want to fight for more.

warnings: 15k words. smut. angst. boxer!jk x curvy,f!reader. violence [fight scenes]. mentions of blöod. rich y/n. degradation of y/n [a few times] but not by jk. mentions of wounds. y/n got some mommy milkers lowkey. big hips that jk likes t—. unprotected. fingering. handjob. missionary. sweet. y/n is whipped but Jk is whippeder. jin is kinda sketchy kinda not. tw: harmful language, physical violence, anatomical injuries. illegal fight club. gambling.

No where he went could he find silence. Rattling cages, loud chants and even bottles breaking. The room he was currently in was poorly lit. And he could barely see the damage that has been done. The room was in hues of green with dirty white tile showers and sinks with rust on them. The ground was covered in stains of old blood that didn’t wash away from the polished cement. Hanging above his head were fluorescent making hissing noises like the glass would soon burst into flames and shatter across the floor. They were flickering too, he could see them clearly through the dirty mirror he was staring at himself through.

He was a mess himself and he had no clue where to start. His hair was drenched in sweaty locks sticking to his face in strange whimsical lines. There was blood dripping down over his brow piercing somewhere on his hair line but he couldn’t see it clearly yet. There was a large red mark on his rib cages but other than those couple injuries he considered himself pretty clean.

The water pressure from the faucet was poor and when he first turned it on the water had a brown tint to it. He let it run over his wet rag squeezing out the excess before cleaning the blood and sweat off his face. He leaned forward and splashed water onto his face and rubbed some into his hair to at least rinse his sweaty hair a little bit. From behind him he could hear the swinging doors part ways as someone walked in with a huge grin on their face. He waved a stack of papers in his hand smacking it against the palm of his other hand, business suit and shoes sticking out from this room like a sore thumb. His hair was slipped back in a nice style and he looked better than Jungkook did at the moment.

“You killed it out there,” Kim Seokjin said as he leaned against the counter on the wall, staring at Jungkook’s back and the red mark on his side, “He got a few hits in it seems.” As he said that he moved to stand again walking over to the ice machine next to the broken paper towel dispenser. He took the big ziploc bags off the machine and began putting ice into one of the bags. He took plastic wrap with him as he walked over to Jungkook and motioned for the guy to lift his arm.

“Don’t worry kid, your cut is good today,” Jin said, pressing the ice bag to Jungkook’s injured side before bringing the wrap over it and pulling it around his torso to hold the bag down. Jungkook just looked at the drop of blood still leaking from the cut on his forehead making him reach out for his rag again. The sink had a new stain of blood on it from where his rag had been running under the water. He looked at Jin through the mirror, “How much?”

Jin smiled, “Little more than a grand but I got a few more investors out there looking to see another fight. You’ll get there once you focus fully on training.”

“I’m not a fighter,” Jungkook grumbled as he turned quickly once Jin finished up. There was a small limp to his step as he walked to his gym bag looking for clothes to change into. Jin shook his head in disbelief, “Not a fighter? Then tell me what I just watched tonight.”

“I told you this already. I’m not interested in doing anything more than a couple fights here and there,” Jungkook said putting on a worn out, oversized gray t-shirt. Jin groaned in frustration, “I don’t get why you’re so against it. You can make much more money if we go big. You’ll be rich you know? I can already see your fights on pay-per-view. Just think about the money, that’s why you’re doing this aren’t you? Think about your family.”

“I am thinking about my family, that’s why I’m saying no,” Jungkook told him, changing into some black sweats and throwing a hoodie on. The bag of ice was slowly melting but at this point he didn’t care about how ridiculous he looked, “They’d kill me if they knew I was fighting again, I’m sorry man, but no.”

He took his cut of the money from Jin, slipping his hood over his head and hoisting his gym bag on his shoulder, “Call me.”

His leg ached making his entire walk out of the underground club to his car all the more slow. His car lights blinked as it unlocked and he chucked his bag in the backseat finally getting in and starting the engine. Jungkook’s neighborhood was far from being nice but it’s location close to busy streets made night life more active. He got to his apartment shortly after, sirens going off just outside his window where he could see flashing lights and the tops of old buildings.

Despite how late it was, and his need to be alone he couldn’t have that. Not when his phone began ringing. He winced, reaching into his pocket and taking it out. Once he saw the caller ID he debated ignoring it. Now isn’t the time for it when he’s got a pretty girl in his bed telling him you don’t want to go home. But he answered anyway, “Hello?”

“Hi honey, I know it’s late but um,” his mother stuttered, he could practically picture her fidgeting, “We’re behind on rent again. I wouldn’t be coming to you if I didn’t need to.”

Jungkook didn’t say anything, it was the same thing over and over every single time. He was in his bathroom now, pressing his phone to his ear, “When is it due?”

“Well it was due a couple days ago—“ “And what happened to what I sent you the other day?” Jungkook asked.

“Your father needed it for a, well, uh, I can’t remember but you’re my son, you’re more reliable than anyone else,” his mother said, making him roll his eyes. “So why’d you wait till now to tell me? Should I call your landlord and see how long it’s been overdue?”

“Yah, don’t be like that,” his mother begged, “You’re supposed to help your parents. That’s why you moved wasn’t it? Why are you even up so late? What have you been doing? Who were you with? Were you fighti—“

“I’m hanging up. I’ll send the money in the morning,” with a tired sigh he ended the call wincing once more when he reached up for the handle to his medicine cabinet.

His small rectangular window was his only source of light in the bathroom as he rummaged through his medicine cabinet but his first aid kit was empty. With a tired grunt he closed it back up and left looking around for his things pulling the melted ice bag away that was now just a puddle of water. He grabbed his wallet and keys before leaving his apartment once more, this time by foot.

After a five minute walk he found himself in front of a familiar convenience store and he went in, immediately going to the medical section. He probably shouldn’t be walking around with so much money on him but it was too late to worry about that.

“Oh my god hurry up, I’m literally scared for my life,” A girl squealed a couple aisles down and Jungkook tried to ignore her, “We should’ve just gotten it delivered.”

“And if they didn’t have what I wanted?” Another voice piped in, slightly more bearable than the previous one but with the same tone, “Besides everyone can hear you, y’know?” As if he’d been the one spoken to he looked up from under his hood, eyes softening for a fraction of a second as they met your stare. He was the first to look away once he caught his reflection on the fridge doors behind you filled with alcohol. There was a line of red down his forehead again and it made him duck down under the aisle top and look for what he needed.

“I don’t care who hears me, just get a bottle and let’s go. Jimin’s waiting,” The high pitched voice spoke again and Jungkook found a box of wound closure band-aids, pain killers, and icy/hot patches. You rolled your eyes at her looking over to the guy in the hoodie again, there was a red stain on his forehead that you noticed right away. A little after Jungkook found himself standing behind you in line. He didn’t expect to find such a sight in front of him. You were in a hot pink mini skirt and a white blouse that matched your heels. Your legs weren’t super long but your thighs were wider and so were your hips. It made the fabric of your skirt hug your curves in the best way possible.

You and your friend finished up with the cashier and he found himself twisting a lock of hair over the bleeding cut on his forehead to hide it. He could feel your eyes follow him for a moment as you left at that and he moved forward to the counter.

That night he healed his wounds in his studio apartment under the moonlight while you got in the back of a Porsche for a night drinking.

There was a stiffness in the air, like all the poise and class was just an act that was hard to maintain. At least that’s what Jungkook thought because as he looked around not a single person seemed to be what they tried so hard to appear. Now, he’ll admit he’s probably the most out of place here but that didn’t mean he couldn’t notice things. For instance, his partner wore an expensive suit with a shiny Rolex that demanded the attention of everyone in the room. Yet he still seemed gentle, far from intimidating which is what he’s so poorly tried to portray. A hand landed on his shoulder blade giving him a little shake as the man spoke, “Lighten up Jungkook, this is for you. You made me good money last week. Think of this as a sign of my appreciation.”

“Is that what this is?” Jungkook asked looking around the lounge room with expensive alcohol in crystal glasses and 100,000$ leather seats. He started to fix the cuff of his black button-up as he looked around some more. The men in here were either his age or way older, all in designer suits and watches. All the women were young, beautiful, lavished.

Just like the one who crossed his line of sight in a black, shimmery dress that was barely around mid-thigh. A silver, diamond charm bracelet on the wrist that matched every piece of jewelry on your body—from what he can see. You were far across from him, somewhere off with a group he couldn’t see well and the dim light applying a glow to you in particular. And yet he recognized you right away as the person from the store last night.

“I’ve treated you to dinner, I figured I might as well treat you to drinks too,” Seokjin said looking up from his phone just as Jungkook’s eyes snapped back to him, no longer focusing on the stranger. He released a sigh, “Alright, I want to talk about business. There’s another match this weekend. Two fights and a couple grand in your pocket. It’s short notice and you need time to recover but I was hoping to convince you.”

“Against who?” Jungkook asked tipping his glass of scotch back before placing it down on the small glass table between them two. Jin gave a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders, “Some new kid and Park Seungmin. What do you say? Do I get it set?”

“Ask me again after a few drinks,” Jungkook said. Music played behind them but not nearly as loud as a regular night club’s and there was a faint smell of cigar. He hardly paid attention to whatever other small talk the two of them made, he was too tired to say anything on his own. He hadn’t even wanted to come out with Jin at first. It’s not that he didn’t like the guy. He did. The problem was that he could not understand why Jin would want to be a part of the kind of life Jungkook has involved himself in. Kim Seokjin came from money, the good kind of money.

It meant he’s never had to worry about food in his stomach or if the electricity would be cut off. He’s never lied about christmas presents he never recieved or about not having lunch money. He’s grown in gated communities and trips abroad for the holidays. There’s no reason for him to be making dirty money just because he could. Jungkook didn’t hate him, he just couldn’t never fully trust that Jin had his best interest in mind. All he knows is that he’s the only one Jungkook can go to at the moment and he’s going to see how far he can get. The downside was that Jin wanted him to go the professional route. He wants to mentor him and get him in more official rings that could be broadcasted. His boxing was good, Jin saw potential so he badgered Jungkook about it nonstop. He didn’t listen though, he was fine fixing cars and had no intention in being a professional fighter.

If he had paid more attention to Seokjin instead of the marks on his hands he might have noticed the way Jin casually looked around the lounge room. He seemed stuck on someone behind him, brows furrowed together in concentration before his eyes relaxed momentarily. He looked back to Jungkook, “I’ll be right back. I think I see someone I know.”

Jungkook didn’t bother responding, merely waving him off as he looked down at his phone. The money he just earned from his last match was enough to send to his parents but he still needs more for rent and utilities. His job won’t pay him till the day after rent is due and he can’t ask for another extension. If he wants to cover the rest he’ll have to do the fights Jin asked of him. He’s still a little sore from the last fight but if he tries to get back on training he should be fine.

“Look at all the space we have, just take a seat,” Jin said finally making Jungkook look up as three people were filing into the booth. He noticed right away when you were making your way into the rounded booth pretty much inching closer to him. He’ll admit, up close you’re even more beautiful than he thought when he looked at you from afar. Now he can see your features better than he had at the store. What are the chances that he ran into a random stranger twice? And one he thought about on his walk home from the store as a short distraction?

You didn’t shy away from looking him over as you finally sat down just a few inches away from him. Jin flashed him a smile, “Jungkook these are some friends of mine. This is Taehyung, Jia and Y/n. Everyone meet Jungkook.”

Jin didn’t give much time for introductions when he waved over a server and ordered more drinks for the table. Jungkook took his chance to get a look at you again and for the first time that night, your eyes met his. He was the first to crack even the smallest hint of a smile. You had a pretty face, your cheeks slightly rounded but your eyes were what drew him in. He likes the curve of your waist and the way your thighs look soft to the touch. Your dress had been a little higher from the back than the front and he understood why. You were so physically attractive to him. You had wider hips and a slight tummy pouch. The top of your dress was easily filled out by your chest which spilled slightly from the top. Your collarbone still seemed to protrude and a diamond necklace with your name engraved rested prettily on it. Y/n, he remembers the girl next to you saying it the other night.

“So what are you guys doing here? Don’t you have better places to drink at on a Saturday?” Jin asked once drinks came and Jungkook looked over to where the conversation was. Taehyung gave a shrug of his shoulders looking to his two friends, “Just wanted to get a few good drinks in before going out. Are you two free? Want to come with?”

Jin shared a look with Jungkook, “Yeah? Let some stress out.” He wasn’t sure though, he’s already over exerted himself being out with Jin but at the same time now that it’s been brought up he wouldn’t mind. There was a shift on his side and suddenly you were leaning forward to look at his face.

“I agree, if you’re stressed then maybe you should come have drinks with us,” you said with a bright smile. That convinced him way too easily and before he knew it, he was leaving with the rest of you to a club. He stood behind you in line and when you were all inside he was at the bar right there with you.

“You look familiar,” you said bluntly turning away from the bar counter to look at him while your drinks were made. It caught him off guard at first before saying, “You do too.” Your smile was softer now but just as pretty and you batted your lashes, “I know where I’ve seen you.”

“Where?” Jungkook wanted to see if you actually did recognize him or if he just looked familiar to someone else you’ve seen. You pointed a finger at him, “The store. You were dressed all emo and stuff.”

“I was just wearing dark colors,” What you said made him smile a little before adding in, “But yes, I recognize you too. You were wearing pink.”

“Oh you even remember what i had been wearing? Was it because you liked it or because you liked me?”

“Can I say both?” Jungkook said with a lighter tone now. He found you attractive, alluring even, despite your snobbish tone. Your eyes narrowed in interest and you let your eyes travel from the faded scar on his forehead to the belt holding his jeans up. He was attractive in a way you couldn’t explain. An absolutely beautiful intimidating man.“I thought I knew all of Jinnie’s friends, how come I don’t know you?” You asked taking your drinks from the bartender.

He gave a small shrug, “I wouldn’t say we’re close, more like acquaintances. How do you know him?”

“Family friends.” “All of you?” You gave a nod of your head taking a sip from your drink just as he did. You looked down at the hand he had on the bar too. It was covered in ink and rings on his pretty fingers but the more you looked the more you saw. It included red knuckles with faded purple and brown marks like bruises. Jungkook noticed right away where your attention had drifted and he opted for moving his hand off and keeping it to his side.

“Can I be honest with you?” He asked suddenly trying to draw attention away from his hand and also speak some truth at the moment, “I think you’re beautiful.”

So he found himself closer to you later on in the night. His hand had even made itself to your hips as you sat on the stool scooted close to his. The two of you had completely forgotten about the group you were supposed to be with but they didn’t even attempt to intervene. If anyone seemed hesitant it was only Taehyung and Jin just brushed his worries away. He knew you well and you liked the fun, he knew Jungkook needed some fun even if it’s just for one night.

Later on in the night the two of you disappeared into a cab. He was more hesitant than you were to initiate any sort of intimate contact. Even inside the club he only had an arm around you and when he offered to take you home he was only hoping to spend a little more time with you before asking for your number. He didn’t expect for you to be on him in the back of the cab. Your lips were on his and he was kissing back eagerly, uncaring for the way the cab driver looked back at you.

“Just one address or two?” The driver asked as you pressed a kiss against Jungkook’s jaw leaving him breathless. His hand was on your curved back keeping you close as he barely had a chance to look over to the driver. You beat him to it when you pulled away for a quick second to mutter, “One address,” and went back to kissing him. He wasn’t complaining, he hasn’t done this in a while.

With work and all the matches he’s been in on top of training, he doesn’t have much time to go out and meet people who weren’t drunk placing bets on him. Even the women at the fights were drunk, a little more sleazy, not as clean and definitely didn’t have skin as soft as yours. His other hand found it’s way to your thigh, fingernails digging into the plump skin and he wanted to do more than just touch with his hands.

Jungkook’s not sure how it happened but they ended up at his place instead of yours, maybe because it was closer to the club or maybe because he gave it to the man first. Either way it was too late to argue about it when you were already urging him to get out. He quickly paid for the cab and was helping you, kissing you one last time as the cab drove off. He smiled sweetly, “You sure you’re okay with this?”

“Okay with what?” You asked wrapping your arms around his mid section leaning into him when his arms went around your waist. He cleared his throat looking down at you slightly more concerned now, “With this, with me…”

You smiled, “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.” You’re not even asking questions. Not about his bruises or cuts or red knuckles, “Besides, I like you so are you going to take me upstairs or am I just gonna stay out here.” Jungkook took your hand now dragging you behind him inside his building trying not to get your expression. He didn’t want to see how you’d feel about his clearly run down apartment. Even this late at night there were a few tenants just sitting around on the stairs. He moved you in front of him staying close behind you to avoid you being stared at by some creep from the back. Once you were in his dark apartment it was immediate.

You didn’t even look around the place, letting him lead you to creaky twin sized bed he called his own and kissed him roughly, hands pulling at his shirt immediately as he made himself comfortable sitting next to you. You were on your knees looking taller than him deepening the kiss with your tongue now and he was gladly kissing back just as hard. His hands found their way to your legs, squeezing once again at your meaty thighs that pressed against each other with no gap between. The fullness of your figure was so damn tempting and it had his fingers inching under your short dress.

When you didn’t seem to object to his touch he went ahead and let his hands circle around your hips to the back where he could feel a very small pair of panties covering very little. Like your thighs, your butt was squishy making his fingers sink into it as he felt you up and it had him groaning into your mouth in want. His mouth trailed down your jaw, sucking gently against your neck as his hands continued feeling you up, your dress already up and around your wide hips as he played with your underwear. A finger slipped under it holding it out as he let his hand feel underneath.

A breath caught in Jungkook’s throat when your hand was pressing against his thigh now, long nail barely grazing his leg moving closer and closer to his growing member. You seemed just as impatient as he did and it made him wonder how long it’s been for you too. He doubts it’s been as long as him. You took him by surprise when you started unbuttoning his jeans with one hand and with ease and he was helping you move them out of your way. Following your lead when your hand began to palm him over his briefs, he did the same.

You moaned softly into his mouth as his hand pressed against your slicked heat from behind with his arm around your waist pressing you into his side. His head was aligned with your heavy chest and when he leaned it against the silky fabric, he could feel the softness of your breasts. His free hand couldn’t stop himself from reaching up and feeling you better. You wore a thin, flimsy bralette that hadn’t even been enough to conceal your nipples throughout the night but it made it easier for him to feel you better. The weight of your breasts was heavy in his hand, flesh spilling between his large fingers and you were so damn soft, everywhere. It made him want to sink into you, press his face between them and just feel your warmth.

Your breath hitches as he circles your clit, sending small shocks throughout your body. He moved your underwear out of the way, revealing your perfect cunt to his fingers with no barrier. Just as your hand snuck under his briefs, his middle finger was running between your folds, slowly letting more into your tight snatch. Even down between your legs were you soft, just as plump and warm. Your hand held his cock now, almost fully hard and with a gentle stroke you felt him hardening even more. Finally his long finger sinks in just as the strap of your dress slipped off your shoulders exposing more of your breasts to him. Without thinking he tugged your bra down making your tits bulge out from on top even more, “You’re so damn beautiful.”

He was being honest as he kissed the plump flesh feeling it bounce along his tongue and he just wanted to take a nipple into his mouth and suck. You didn’t answer verbally but he could physically feel the light squeeze of his cock on an upstroke and he was groaning around your nipple. His face was still rubbing against your breasts as his middle finger pumped in and out of your wet cunt lathering it in more slick and he took the chance to sink another finger in. You gasp, your tits bouncing against his face and he let them rub over his face while simultaneously hitting that spongy pleasure spot in your tight walls, stroking it everytime his fingers sank back in. You were still on your knees on his bed and he was still holding you against his side as you jerked off his cock but he wanted more.

Fingers still inside your pussy, he began to stand not moving your hand off his dick as he lightly pushed you back to lie down. His hand left your folds from behind and slipped it between your thighs again from the front. His pace quickens, and he uses his weight to hold you down, twirling your thick buds with his tongue. You breathed heavily feeling the twitch of his member when your thumb ran over the slit in his tip over and over again.

Without thinking, and probably too rough, his hands were leaving your breasts and pussy to pull at the fabric of your dress. It’s been teasing him all night and he needed it gone, so that’s what he did. The fabric was no match for the rough yank he did on it making it tear open and he was harsh with the way he yanked it off your body groaning at the sight.

He stood taking his jeans and shirt off as you undid your bra kicking it off exposing large breasts to his hungry eyes. His hands run down your middle, the soft chub on your ribs and stomach sinking his finger in and he was staring down at you with awe, “You’re so beautiful.”

“You already said that, I want to know what you’ll do to show it to me,” you teased wiggling your hips when his hand went to pinch at them, squeezing and groaning at the feel. He could feel a bit of your hip bone but it was mostly covered in plumpness that made his mouth water. Your hips were good for squeezing and he wanted to take you. Suddenly, realization hit him like a truck.

“I—I don’t have a condom.”

“I’m on the pill,” you said already reaching between your bodies at his hard clock begging for attention, “As long as you’re clean and pull out.” He gave a brief nod of his head capturing your lips with his as you lined his dick up with your heat and did the honor of taking him. You moaned into each others mouth as he stopped at the ring of nerves that needed a bit more stretching. You were tight, he felt all the soft walls of your cunt squeeze his thick member as he sank in with a groan, squishing against you, breasts against his chest.

“Oh God,” you moaned against his lips at the first real thrust of his cock into your wet pussy and his hand was sliding down to grip your ass while the other was on your breasts. He squeezed both in time with a second thrust, still testing the waters before doing it again, quicker and rougher now.

His head rested against your neck, moaning your name softly, “So fucking beautiful, all of you, fuck Y/n.”

“You feel so fucking good,” he growled into your skin leaning down to take a fat tit into his mouth matching each lick of your nipple with a rough thrust. Suddenly he’s lifting himself up, hands leaving your sides to press against the bed on either side of your head. He looked down at your naked body licking his lips, slowly bringing his hips back before slamming into you with force that had your tits jiggling and his lips parted at the sight, doing it again so it could happen once more.

Jungkook lets out a long exhale as you continue to cry out his name making him work his lean hips, thrusting in and out of you with purpose.

“Jungkook,” you moaned, hands holding his sides as he fucks you, tight abdominal muscles flexing along with the veins leading to his dick all the way from his navel. The position only lasted a moment before he was laying his full weight on you again wanting to feel you pressed against him, body shaking along his.

“I’m so close,” you groaned when he gripped your ass, not being gentle in the way he squeezed, shaking it a bit and using it to fuck your pussy back into his cock, “Let me cum.”

“Fuck,” he slams himself into you feeling his entire body shudder but he was holding off, “Cum, fuck, cream my cock right now.”

“Oh God,” he groaned against your skin when you did just that, fingers curling as your release hit moaning beautifully into his ear and his body shook slightly. He was gentle but quick in the way he pulled out of you, your orgasm wavering as your slick leaked out of your folds. His cock was on your pubic bone now, spurts of creamy semen spilling onto you, covering you in his cum. His hand was on your knee for support but it was no use.

He was dead weight on top of you, but you don’t mind—you brush your fingers through his hair, giggling when you feel his soft lips kiss your breast, “You’re amazing.”

You felt his breathing begin to get uneven and you wrapped a leg around him continuing the brush of your fingers, caressing him since he seemed to need it. You held him in your arms as he clung to you. Now, you’ll admit, at this time you’d start getting your clothes again and find your things to leave. Maybe you would’ve already had a scheduled Uber but you weren’t doing any of that—and it wasn’t because he tore your dress in half. “You made me feel so good,” you whispered softly into his ear and it made him hum in appreciation, eyes shut slightly. He never realized how much tension he’d been holding onto without release until now that you held him.

You were naked and sticky, even sweaty, but that didn’t stop you two from snuggling after sex, his gentle lips leaving soft kisses along your neck tiredly as his eyes shut in relaxation. Like that, you both let sleep take over and you were warm in each other’s arms.

The sun shined brightly against your sleeping face. You squeezed your eyes shut some more but it did little to keep the light away. You decided to move, roll over and hide your face in one of your many pillows but as you tried to, you nearly fell. A yelp escaped your lips, face inches away from the floor as two arms caught you by the waist. Jungkook was half asleep but alert as he looked over your tired form. You fell back onto the twin sized bed pressed against Jungkook’s chest staring at your surroundings.

In better light and a clearer head you had a better chance to look around his apartment. It was smaller than you pictured when you were lying underneath him. You just didn’t realize it was this small. You’re not sure if you’ve ever been to a place that looked like this. His bedroom, kitchen and living room all in one space with ripped wallpaper and broken cabinets. Jungkook seemed to stiffen under you when he noticed where your mind was going.

Last night was… how should he put it without sounding so dramatic? He just felt very appreciated and not just his body but also the things he had to say. You paid very close attention to what he felt and it was more than anyone has in a while. Sure, the fighting gets him attention but not for anything good. It was abuse and exploitation. That made him hate himself but what he experienced last night was lively. He wouldn’t mind getting this feeling because of you again except you couldn’t be any more opposite and that’s what had him skeptical.

“You okay?” He asked suddenly, nervous because you have yet to say anything after your abrupt awakening and he’s itching to know what you think. His shabby apartment looked even worse than he imagined. You just gave a single nod and that made him anxious now, sliding a little out from under you trying not to pay attention to the way you were both still naked. He released a quiet sigh, “If you want to go home now, it’s okay, you can tell me.”

It was morning anyway, he’s not sure what he would expect differently. You seemed to snap out of your own thoughts turning as best as you could to lay on your stomach over him. He looked down at you with an expression you could only read as dejected, sullen or tired even. Your chest rests on his chest as you look up at him, “And what if I don’t want to go home yet?”

Jungkook couldn’t hide the look of surprise on his face when you ran your hand over his chest turning to look at him, “How about a shower together?”

You stared at the man in front of you expressionless, or well, you were trying to be. He, on the other hand, was open with you. A knowing smile on his face with brows raised in amusement. He was even leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest, head tilted to the right just slightly waiting for you to speak.

“You’re starting to creep me out,” You said with a roll of your eyes as you looked over the roof, city life thriving about sixty stories below you. Jin cleared his throat, “I was wondering if you had anything to say to me.”

“About?” You asked as the waitress came back with your food. You were seated across from Jin at some high end restaurant for lunch. It sat on the roof of some luxury hotel and it’s where you two decided to meet between your classes. You had a feeling you knew what this was about but you weren’t about to give in. A day and a half was spent in Jungkook’s presence. You didn’t even go to class the following day, instead you stayed in his apartment and did absolutely nothing.

“You’re a vixen, y’know? You sank your claws into Jungkook and got him, I applaud you,” Jin said making you roll your eyes again. “What are you talking about? You’ve got a crush on him or something?”

“I’m just saying, I’ve been trying to get that guy to let loose but all he does is push every chance away,” Jin told you as he picked at his plate. Your eyes narrowed leaning forward against the table, “How do you two know each other, anyway? He didn’t really say.”

Jin sneered, “Of course he didn’t. He doesn’t like it.”

“Doesn’t like what? No, don’t tell me,” you shook your head. You wanted to know because you were definitely interested. But was it your business? Jin smacked his tongue, “It’s nothing serious.”

“I’m his manager of sorts, but also an investor?” Jin said with a shrug taking a big bite, “He’s a boxer, like in the ring with glo—“

“I obviously know what a boxer is,” you said clearly annoyed with your older friend who just chuckled knowing he was getting under your skin. You were curious now, “Besides, what does it matter to you? You work in a law firm.”

Jin groaned as if he had a reason to be annoyed with you when clearly he didn’t, “I’ve got a few interests, alright? Sketchy? Maybe, but it is exciting. I met him a year ago when I was watching a boxing match. He was new and he was good, a lot of strength and control. I just have this idea that he can make it big and I can get him there. It’ll be a give and take. I already make good money off his fights from my cut and imagine what a bigger audience can do?”

“So what you’re saying is Jungkook… he makes money from boxing?” You asked and he just shook his head no. “No, well kinda? His family has a lot of debt—“

“Stop, stop talking,” you covered your ears suddenly, “I don’t want to hear about his private stuff unless it’s from him. I get it. You kinda work together?”

Jin rolled his eyes, “Yes but that’s not what I wanted to talk about. I want to know what transpired you to go with him the other night. I didn’t peg muscular, tatted, brooding men as your type.”

“I didn’t either,” you said honestly, “But I don’t know. I saw him one time before that at a store and he had been bleeding from his forehead. I think that’s why I was curious at first.”

“And now?” Jin asked making your brows furrow. “What do you mean now?”

He sighed, “I mean are you curious still? Jungkook is a good guy, great guy even but it wouldn’t work Y/n. Your parents would kill you if they found out you were seeing a guy like him. He’s not… he hasn’t had the same privileges as you and it just wouldn’t look good. He’s a great kid but he’s got real struggles that you wouldn’t understand.”

“Hypocrite much?” You asked with a tilt of your head, “Like you would understand those struggles more than me? Are you going to tell him this too or just me because I don’t think Jungkook would appreciate it.”

“Jungkook’s smart, I’m sure he understands why it wouldn’t work. You’ve been to his place I assume, you had some thoughts on it I know. But at the end of the day, I’m loyal to you as a friend more than Jungkook. I’ve known you since you were five and I’m looking out for your best interest.”

“I don’t need you to Jinnie,” you rolled your eyes as you pushed your finished plate away. He let the topic drop with a reluctant sigh. He really did appreciate Jungkook as a person and even as a friend of sort but at the end of the day… what they had never went beyond business. The dinner the other night was to discuss another tournament, what happened after was a spur of the moment. He had respect for Jungkook for what the kid has been through but that’s what makes him wary. He’s seen how mad he can get, how little he actually has to support himself and how battered his life was. You wouldn’t fit in anywhere and Jin cares about you too much to let you fall for someone like him.

“Besides, I’m seeing him later after class,” you said brightly. Jin couldn’t argue with you anymore, he just wanted you to know what he thought. He knew Jungkook was a good guy, he just didn’t think he was right for you. Suddenly you flashed him a bright smile, big puppy dog eyes and a bat of your lashes, “You’re treating me to lunch right?”

“You probably have more money than me Hotel Heiress,” Jin said with a scowl but you didn’t let up. Your bottom lip curling down, “But you invited me.”

“Aish,” he rolled his eyes at you as he took his wallet out, “You’re so annoying.” “Thank you Jinnie, you’re the best.”

He took you back to campus after lunch and you went to your last couple of classes. Taehyung waited for you outside your last class, “Jia and I want to go shopping, you coming?”

“No, Jungkook is waiting for me outside,” you told him reading over Jungkook’s text telling you where he was. Taehyung’s brows furrowed, “Jungkook? The guy from the other night? Don’t tell me you’re seeing him again.”

“Fine I won’t tell you.” “Y/n I’m serious, I don’t know him but the other night something seemed of—Y/n!”

“Bye!” You sang as you saw Jungkook’s black, tinted car. He was outside waiting for you and a smile spread across his face. He pulled you in for a hug, “Aren't you cold?”

“Shivering,” you said with trembling teeth and he helped you into his car ignoring the rise of your skirt. Once he was inside he kicked the heat up, “So where do we go?”

He was nervous. He hasn’t seen you in a couple days and now that it’s the weekend he’s not sure what he should do. Is this a date? Do you even want to date him? You didn’t ask him anything over the time you were at his place but he could tell you wanted to. Would you run away when you found out the extent of his struggles? You bit your bottom lip in thought, humming as you tried to think of something, “Lets go to my place.”

So he followed the directions to the other side of the city where he’d dropped you off just days ago. He only got to look at the outside of the skyscraper hotel with your last name displayed in metal letters under the hotel’s name. The inside was gorgeous, marble everywhere with white clay walls and curved edges that gave the hotel a seamless image. Even the furniture was the color of the walls and the only pop of colors were deep green and shades of brown. He let you drag him into the elevator where you pushed for the top floor putting your key in to unlock the floor and he traveled the hundred stories up.

The second the elevator to your floor opened Jungkook’s breath hitched. He didn’t realize you had the entire floor to yourself until he walked in and saw the various doors to different amenities all just for you ranging from private gym to an entire room larger than his apartment dedicated to shoes and handbags. You walked down the hall to the main living space and he continued to look around. Large kitchen, large windows that looked over the skyline with a pool on the balcony.

“So this is your place?” He asked obviously as you went to your bedroom which, once again, was bigger than his apartment with a king sized bed and canopy. You gave a quick nod of your head disappearing into your closet to change into something warmer, “18th birthday present.”

He was too nervous to even sit on your bed but you came out all joyous jumping on him and tackling him down on it. Immediately, a jolt of pain shot up his side making him wince and you jumped to get off his lap. His hands gripped your waist keeping you in place and your brows furrowed in concern. You reached for his shirt when he held your wrist to stop you but you pulled it up anyway. Jungkook’s face heated when you stared at the faded bruise on his side. It was worse than it was when you two had sex, it was more brown now with yellow around the edges since it was old.

Your finger just barely brushed over it enough that it didn’t hurt but he still flinched at the contact making you frown as you straddle his groin, “You were fighting?”

His eyes widened at first but relaxed when he realized who would’ve told you. Maybe you were closer with Jin than he thought. Lord knows he only sees Jin when it comes to the business they’ve involved themselves with. You, on the other hand, were at Jin’s societal level and probably saw him at galas and fashion shows. So Jin told you about the fighting and you still let him into your home? Without another word you shimmied off his lap and he could feel his heart drop. Maybe you were rethinking things. Maybe you saw that it was a bad idea to get involved with him and now you’re backing out. He wouldn’t blame you after seeing the way you lived compared to him. He expected you to kick him out, not to lean down and press a soft kiss on his ribs, “Did you at least win?”

Jungkook gave a slight nod of his head in response and you smiled moving to lay on the bed now right next to him. You sat your head up on your palm looking over to him, “Do you like boxing?” He shook his head honestly and it made you frown, “So why do it then?”

He was quiet for a moment, “I’m good at it and it’s easy money.” “This is easy money?” you pointed to his bruise but before he could answer you were backtracking, “I mean… I’m just trying to understand but you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.”

Jungkook couldn’t help but lean forward to press a gentle kiss on your lips before wrapping an arm around your waist pulling you into his side, “Why are you so perfect? Aren’t you a little scared? I’m not a good guy.”

“Why? Because you beat the shit out of people for money? Oh yeah you’re such a thug,” you rolled your eyes, “Besides, I’m not perfect, I’m actually a spoiled bitch.” He laughed along with you snuggling in your bed despite the sun still being out.

“To answer your question from earlier, the only reason why I do this is to help out my parents. They’d kill me if they found out but they’ve got a lot of debt and I want to help them how I can. I dropped out of school my final year and I went straight to work,” Jungkook began to open up, “I didn’t want to leave school but we needed the money so I had to get to work. There weren’t many options where I’m from so I packed up my shit and came here.”

“Wasn’t that hard?” You asked cutely and he could see it in your eyes that even if you didn’t understand, you wanted to. He nodded, “Yeah, I slept on a lot of couches at first. I couldn’t get a good job since I didn’t have a diploma but I started working as a mechanic and was able to get the place I’m at now for cheap if I fix maintenance problems myself.”

“I met this guy who told me he knew how I could make quick money and it was just supposed to be a one time thing but I can’t support myself and my parents with just the car shop.”

“And Jin wants you to be a legitimate boxer? Like one of those lightweight champion fighters?” You asked making him crack a smile as you laid on his chest. He began to play with your hair, “Yeah and I just don’t get it. I’m not going to get far. I don’t how to play by all the rules. I don’t think it’s worth the risk. For now I’m fine working at the auto shop.

“But, you don’t want to see if it actually works out?” You asked curiously, “And would you want to work as a mechanic forever?”

“I’m not thinking about forever, I’m thinking about the present and what gets me by. When I get a chance to live comfortably then I’ll look at the bigger picture but I still don’t think it would be boxing.” He was honest and a little blunt but he didn’t mean to sound that way. He was just being realistic. He knows he’s living paycheck to paycheck and still coming up short but it’s what he needs to do right now. He can’t dedicate himself to a career where he doesn’t get paid frequently unless he trains and devotes all his time.

You didn’t say anything for a moment and it made him wonder if he made you uncomfortable. It’s not that he thinks you had it easy growing up but clearly you’ve grown up with a totally different mindset and endless possibilities. After a while before he could backtrack you spoke, “I see what you’re saying, sorry,” you mumbled and he seemed to squeeze you in his hold. He shook his head no though you couldn’t see him, “Don’t apologize. You were just curious.”

‘So can I go to see you?” You weren’t even done saying what you wanted to say when Jungkook was muttering a few ‘no’s’ making you turn to face him now still laying on him. You went to move back and his arm stayed loose around you but let you move, “Why not?”

“Because it gets really ugly and it’s dangerous. It’s not something I want the girl I’m into to see,” he said mixing in a confession and putting it out there for you to understand what he’s on. He absolutely had no desire to get close to anyone romantically but now that he has, he’s really interested. He finds you attractive but it wasn’t just that. You seemed to listen to him and though you could, you don’t judge him— or at least he didn’t hink you do. You looked at him with an annoyed expression but it was playful, “But I want to see you.”

You didn’t directly say you were into him but you did lean in for a kiss letting his lips meet yours softly. You released a soft moan when his arm tightened back around you turning his body slightly to kiss you better. The two of you pulled apart but his hand was still cupping your face gently and he looked down at you. You opened your mouth to say something but he immediately shut you up with another kiss before pulling away again, “So pl—“ Then another kiss on your lips and you couldn’t help but laugh when he did it again quickly now, “Please let me wa—okay!—“ kiss after kiss on your lips so you wouldn’t keep talking about seeing him fight.

He wouldn’t let you.

Or so he thought. Jungkook held your hand tightly as he led you through the thick crowd watching the fight from before. You looked around anxiously now. It was louder than you imagined, dirtier, rougher. It reeked of alcohol and dirty money. You could feel the stares on you when you walked past and though it made you uncomfortable, you felt a little better with Jungkook there.

He sensed your unease because he pulled you closer until his arm could wrap around your waist, pressing his face against yours to whisper in your ear, “You still okay?”

“Mhm,” you nodded leaning in to give him a quick kiss as he smiled, “Alright, I gotta get ready.”

“Jungkook! My man, you’re late,” a guy with a huge grin on his face approached. You ignored the way he seemed to look at your figure but Jungkook was pulling you closer to his side than before. Jungkook just smiled, “Things came up.”

“I see that,” the guy’s eyes stopped at your legs, then your hips, and chest, “I’m Hoseok by the way.”

“Y/n,” you answered in a snobby tone as you glared back at him. He was way too open with staring you down when Jungkook was there. Jungkook thought the same and it had him pulling you along, “I’ll be out in a bit.”

It was still strange to see you in the locker room with him. The same grimy room he was in last time when he was beaten pretty bad and still came out on top. You tried to hide your disgust but he could see it in the way you avoided touching anything. Jungkook cleared his throat, “I can take you back to the car, if you want.”

“Why would I want to leave?” You asked moving closer to him as he attempted to wrap his fists up by himself. Jin should be here soon to help him with that but until then you’ll just watch him get ready. He looked over to you, in your skirt and sweater making him even more nervous. He asked you to dress down, not because he didn’t love seeing your pretty outfits, but because he didn’t want anyone to get any ideas with you. He’d hate to hop out of the ring so people wouldn’t come at his girlfriend. It still feels weird to say that. Never did he imagine he’d get swept up so quickly and yet here you were, absolutely breathtaking and sweet.

His breath hitched so suddenly, your arms wrapped around his exposed torso in a back hug pressing a kiss to his shoulder plate. He turned his head to look back at you and you took the opportunity to kiss him on the lips.

“Sneaky little snake Y/n.”

You pulled away with a roll of your eyes. Jungkook looked to the swinging doors as Jin walked in. Jin glared at you, “What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like you’re going to a summer Christmas party?”

“I’m covering up,” you said only answering his last question as you let go of Jungkook to give Jin a spin, “Don’t I look pretty?”

“You always do,” Jin said with a shrug as Jungkook’s eyes narrowed in his direction at that comment. He still has to get used to the fact you’re very close with Jin. Tame his jealousy and be less serious all the time. His friend seemed to be thinking the same since he rolled his eyes, “Don’t look at me like that. Why’d you bring Y/n to a place like this?”

“Because I asked,” you said when Jin stepped up to help Jungkook put his gloves on. He scoffed, “And Jungkook is fine just doing whatever you ask?”

When Jungkook didn’t say anything Jin released an annoyed huff of breath as he finished up with the wrappings. Jungkook wasn’t paying attention to anyone but you as he lifted his gloved hands to reach for you. Jin looked between you two muttering something under his breath as he walked out the door giving you two a minute. Jungkook put the gloves on your hips as you moved between his legs looking down at him from where he was sitting on the bench. Your arms rested on his shoulders as he looked up at you with rounded eyes. He leaned forward resting his forehead on your chest, “I’m happy you’re here tonight.”

“Really? I thought you told me no,” you said playfully and he looked up again, still resting on you, squeezing you even closer to him. “But it’s nice to have someone there for me.”

You didn’t know what to say so instead your hands slid up from his shoulders to his face and you leaned down to meet his lips. He kissed back immediately, trying to touch you more but his gloves didn’t let him. It was short and sweet only interrupted when Jin opened the door back up.

He looked to you, “Come on, we’ll find somewhere to be, let Jungkook concentrate before the fight. He’s going up against a new guy first.”

Jungkook gave you a kiss goodbye and you told him good luck and left. You stood with Jin at the closest seats to the ring and he was trying to let you know what might happen tonight.

“So there’s two fights for him. The first will probably be the easiest but if he’s too worn out in the second he might not win. Now, he’s got a winning streak and a lot of people don’t like that so they’ll be fighting dirty tonight,” Jin told you honestly, “A lot of people are mad they’re losing money to him and there’s very few rules here. There’s a couple illegal moves but a lot of it is free game so beware he could get seriously hurt. Hence why I want him to go the professional route but he won’t, his family doesn’t want him fighting. If anyone talks to you don’t even entertain it, alright?”

“Yes dad,” you said, though you were definitely feeling anxious now. Music was loud but yelling was louder. It reeked of sweat, alcohol, blood. It was dirty and crowded and you could feel people looking at you. There were very few females here and they all glared at you too. Jungkook told you to not even bring your purse but you still felt like you needed to keep your possession close.

When Jungkook came out in just a pair of boxing shorts and shoes, mouth guard in looking like a completely different man than the one you kissed just moments ago, you saw him in a new light. Reality was hitting you that he was very much an intimidating man. When he passed you by he didn’t shy away from going to you for a good luck kiss before jumping over rope to get into the ring. When he kissed you it only made more heads turn.

You didn’t pay much attention to what the ref[?] was saying because it was so overwhelmingly loud in here. Practically overstimulating you and suddenly you weren’t so thrilled being here. Jungkook looked scary but so damn attractive, jumping from foot to foot getting his blood pumping as the other guy came in. He was roughly the same size as Jungkook, just less muscle. “You’re in for a show,” a voice spoke as someone plopped down next to you. You looked over to Hoseok who now sat on your left while Jin sat on your right.

“How much?” Jin asked him and they leaned over you to discuss betting amounts. When the bell rang you paid your full attention to the scene before you. Since this wasn’t such a professional fight there were less rounds to go through and the first knockout was a win. Only three rounds and he needed to score high on two to win.

The first round wasn’t a clear win. Jungkook did the first hit making the guy stumble back and you understood why everyone was so energetic. This was nerve wracking and everyone shouting for the one they wanted to win was getting to you. It was during the second round when things began to heat up. This time the other guy did the first hit, a hard fist to Jungkook’s bruised side but he didn’t even flinch. He delivered a harsh blow to the guy’s jaw giving him an uppercut that sent him stumbling against the ropes.

His body slipped to the floor, blood dripping from his mouth and your hands clasped together as the referee counted the seconds for knockout. The guy attempted to get back up but only kept slipping down on the floor. When the whistle blew the round was given to Jungkook. You clapped happily now making him look over to you with a small smile. He was already drenched in sweat, long hair stuck around his face and clearly out of breath. Jin got up with a bottled water and towel taking it to Jungkook as they talked about something you couldn’t here.

“What do you think so far?” Hoseok asked you as the third round started and your eyes locked in on the fight. You have a shy shrug, “It’s… new.”

Hoseok chuckled, “I bet it is, you’re the only one I’ve ever seen wear Cartier here. Better to take it off before someone else sees it.” You nodded but you didn’t take it off in case you’d lose it. Instead you hid it under your sweater now. The third round was quicker, it took one blow for the guy to fall and laughter rose around you.

By the end of the fight, Jin was hurrying you up to the locker room assigned to Jungkook again. Jungkook was already at the sink examining the damage but when he saw you he hid his bruised side. You didn’t even have to say anything when he was reaching for you, “You okay? Is this too much? I’ll have Jin take you to the car, did anyone say anything to you? I’m sorry, this is probably jus—“

You shut him up with a kiss, his body immediately relaxing into it as his head tilted to the side to deepen it with his tongue. Jin audibly gagged behind you, “I miss Jungkook when he was depressed. Now all you two do is eat each other’s faces off. How you feeling Kook?”

“Good, nothing major,” Jungkook cleared his throat awkwardly when Jin passed him an ice bag. The break till the next fight was really short. The guy he would be going up against had already fought his contender when Jungkook arrived. Once they have their fight and marks are tallied they’ll know who wins. If he wins he’ll be able to pay off some of his loans before the loan sharks come knocking on his door again. He’ll send money for his parent’s bills. He’ll pay his car payment, utilities, buy groceries, and take you out on a date. It won’t be as nice as you’re probably used to but hopefully he can do something. He’ll show you that even if he doesn’t have the kind of money you do, he’ll do anything for you to see how strongly he feels.

Having a support system in the audience cheering him on was motivation to win and he promises he’ll win for you. You wanted to watch him fight so he’ll give it his all.

You got back to your seats once the warning for the next fight came. Jin clutched your hand, “You’re holding up better than I thought. You’re usually more high maintenance. You don’t even like going to the gym because it makes you sweat.”

“But sweat looks so good on Jungkook,” you answered looking at Jungkook, “Now shut up. The fights about to start.”

“You think this guy’s got a chance against Seungmin?”

“Nah, he’s not that focused tonight. Probably because his bitch is in the crowd.”

Your brows furrowed at who was talking about you. Jin shook his head when you tried to turn and look, “Just ignore it.”

The first round started heavy. Jungkook’s opponent threw the first blow right in his face. His head whipped back as he was hit in the nose and you visibly winced. Jungkook didn’t feel too much pain from it, probably due to adrenaline, but it made his eyes water and blur for a second giving the guy a chance to hit him in the gut.

The crowd was going crazy around you as Jungkook delivered three hits in but his body collapsed to the floor. The guy had hit the back of Jungkook’s head that had him stumbling down on the floor in pain. You gripped Jin’s arm, “Isn’t that illegal?” He only shook his head, “Not here.”

7…

You waited to see if he’d get up but he couldn’t lift his head. Your leg was bouncing anxiously and before you knew it, the round ended with a knock out. Jin got up immediately going to Jungkook’s aid and he looked worse for wear. The round was given to the other guy and before you could even think you were walking to the rope. Jin was wiping blood off Jungkook’s face grabbing the back of his head checking for blood.

“He’s got a heavy hand,” Jungkook panted out of breath feeling his ears drum. Jin held his head, “Block your fucking head Jungkook. He’s playing extra dirty, he’s going to keep going for it if you’re already injured.”

“Jungkook,” you said softly making him turn, finally noticing you and suddenly he was sitting up on the stool. He sniffled, “Yes baby? Are you okay? I promise I’m fine, if it’s too much don’t look—“

“Fighter’s ready!”

Jin gave Jungkook a kiss on his forehead, “Two rounds. You gotta win this and then you get a pay grade. Alright?” Jin led you back to your seat before you could even talk to Jungkook more but maybe it was for the better.

Jungkook was tired, worn out from the last round and the fight before. His opponent at least had resting time after his fight since Jungkook’s fight was after. Jungkook didn’t get as long of a break before he was thrown into the last fight. He stood in position for the bell to ring but the guy across from him was jittery.

A smirk on his face as he looked over the audience before he snickered, “Brought your toy along? I like her, might just take her from you.”

Jungkook tried to ignore it, jaw tense as he reeled in his anger. The guy was a shit talker, he wanted to get in Jungkook’s head but he won’t let him. He just wants Jungkook to lose focus but he won’t. The second the bell rang Jungkook gave the first hit, getting Seungmin right in the stomach before giving him another hit on the side of his head.

You watched anxiously, Jungkook seemed to have felt better enough to fight back stronger. Hoseok looked over to you, “The kid’s got it, he’ll win.”

You’re not worried about him winning. You’re worried about how hurt he’ll be after and you understand now why Jungkook didn’t want you here. He was strong, he could fight and hold his own but watching him get beat black and blue was heartbreaking. But you couldn’t look away. You were at the edge of your seat, there was blood dripping down Jungkook’s eyes painting it red but he kept fighting, he stayed on his feet even when he was backed into a corner. He blocked his head with gloves and when Seungmin least expected it he punched his nose then jaw. The opponent’s body whipped with the force of the hit and though he tried grabbing rope, he crashed to the floor.

Jungkook was jumping from foot to foot keeping himself moving as the ref counted down to knockout and he released a breath. He sat on the stool in the corner of the ring tipping his head back staring up at the hanging lightbulb over them. They’re tie. This last round will declare the winner of this fight and it has to be him. He can get a few hundred and though most will go to bills he swears he’s going to try and take you out.

Jin was in front of him again, this time he pressed an Enswell to the cut above his brow, “Last round, it’s yours man, I can feel it. You’re faster, you’ve got more coordination. How’s your eye?”

“Hurts like a bitch,” Jungkook confessed through his mouth guard. He turned to look for you but stopped, wincing when Jin wiped the blood away. The cold metal against his skin was numbing the pain but he could still feel his eye swelling, “How’s Y/n?”

“Fine, focus on your opponent not your girlfriend,” Jin said harshly but he only meant it out of concern. He wanted Jungkook to be focused so he wouldn’t get so roughed up in the last round.

Now it was the last round. He shifted his mouth guard to fit better as he stared at Seungmin. He watched his head turn to look at you, eyes wandering up the expanse of your legs to your skirt. His words were mumbled due to the guard but he could understand him clearly, “Yeah, I’ll take her as my prize. She’ll look good as my bitch, bet she’s got a fat ass t—“

Jungkook shoved him, the crowd growing louder as the ref blew the whistle, pulling them apart. The guy only laughed glaring at Jungkook, “Look real nice with her legs spread just for me. She tight?”

The whistle blew.

The first throw Jungkook took didn’t land, it was too blinded by rage that Seungmin touched him first backing him up into the corner again with his larger build, “Bet she likes to fuck dirty with that body.”

Jungkook struggled, moving too quick to cause real damage and block his eye at the same time. Seungmin kept going, “You think she’ll put up a bigger fight than you? I like the figh—“

His breath was knocked out of his body when Jungkook threw a direct punch to his diaphragm making him stumble back. As he clutched his chest Jungkook took the opportunity to hit where his kidney should be, bringing the guy down to his knees in pain.

You were on your feet with everyone else cheering Jungkook on unbeknownst to what was being said about you. Though Seungmin was down, anytime he tried to get up Jungkook would stop him. With an uppercut, Jungkook punched right at Seungmin’s ear sending a ring down his ear drums and he fell to his side.

But Jungkook didn’t stop. The gloves made it hard for him to really get his hands on him but he wasn’t done. He didn’t even care about the round. He cared about beating the fuck out of this piece of shit for talking about you, so he did. He got over the guy, straddling his curled position as Seungmin blocked his own head from being hit. There were no rules outside of no weapons, and no weighted gloves so he wasn’t stopping until he was dragged off of him.

“Jungkook!” Jin called out when Jungkook brought a fist back and hit over the man’s hands getting as much of his head as he could. He raised another arm to do it again as the whistle blew.

He delivered another blow feeling the bounce of the mat, the ref saying he won since it was a knockout but he wasn’t done.

Just as he was ready to give him another hit he was being yanked off but he wanted more. He wanted the guy bloody and bruised for the way he talked about you. He lurched forward to do it but strong arms held him back, two people telling him to stop. The ref raised Jungkook, “The winner! There, you’re done with the fighting!”

He had to be dragged out of the ring by Hoseok and Jin. He could barely see out of his eye and the crowd half cheered half booed, “Where’s Y/n?”

He was feeling dizzy, drained and tired. Jin sat him down on the bench and you went to get ice. You wanted to cry though you had no reason to. He just looked so scary out there but also, he was clearly beat. You had to collect yourself instead of let your emotions show. You’re the one who begged him to let you see him fight. You passed the bag to Jin feeling like you needed to catch your breath. Jin let you sit next to Jungkook who seemed too far into his own world to pay attention.

He was hot, his body was on fire and he was breathing heavy, leg bouncing as he thought back to what Seungmin had been saying. The fucking disrespect. Even if you weren’t his girlfriend, how could Seungmin say things like that and expect Jungkook to not react? He wanted to fight him again, it was all he could think about.

“Take the keys,” Jin told you and you did. Hoseok came in shortly after, “I’ve got the cut. Seungmin’s mad, cussing at everyone saying it’s cheating.”

“Says who?” Jin scoffed making Hoseok shrug, “No one. Jungkook won, everyone could see Seungmin was instigating and now he’s mad he got his ass handed to him.”

He chuckled as Jin took Jungkook’s gloves off and the mouth guard fell to the floor. Jungkook grabbed a t-shirt ignoring his wounds as he stood suddenly. He grabbed his things and like confused idiots you all rushed after him.

The place was still bustling with drunk energy and Seungmin’s voice was heard over it all.

“Take him out the ring and I’ll fucking beat him.”

You stayed a little behind as Jin tried grabbing at Jungkook but he just pushed him off.

“I call rematch and I’ll take the money and his bitc—“

Okay, well now you knew what he had been telling Jungkook. Jungkook turned Seungmin around but before the guy could react, a hard fist was colliding with his nose. Screams erupted, some urging the fight, some calling security. This entire time Jungkook had been silent with only a deadly look in his eyes. You gasped loudly when the guy threw Jungkook off trying to get on top of him but Jungkook wasn’t letting him. His fists weren’t stopping and they were covered in blood now.

“Jungkook!” You didn’t know what else to do. You couldn’t just go in and stop the fight like an idiot but you didn’t want Jungkook to do something he’ll regret. Jin seemed to be thinking the same because he did try and get Jungkook off only to be shoved aside.

Suddenly, security was there, picking Jungkook up with an arm around his neck locking him in. He fought against the hold once Seungmin was sitting up spitting out blood but Hoseok cut in. You didn’t know he was the one in charge of it all but it made sense now.

“Enough!” He yelled out, “If you’re not inside that ring you’re not fucking fighting or your asses are done!”

You walked to Jungkook practically feeling the heat radiating off him but you tried being gentle as he fought against the security still, “Hey, Jungkook.”

He couldn’t even look at you, eyes set on the guy and before he could stop himself he was lunging for him again catching security off guard and accidentally releasing him. Seungmin fell into a group of people when Jungkook did it again. You covered your eyes blocking out the yelling as they tried getting him off.

This time security wasn’t so nice, picking Jungkook up and throwing him on the ground making him gasp for air from his injuries. You immediately went to him, “Stop, please, can you please just stop.”

You didn’t notice you were crying as Jin helped Jungkook up and silently dragged him out. Jungkook was mad even as you made it outside.

“I fucking told you not to come!” Jungkook yelled, “I told you Y/n.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” you apologized, making Jin shove Jungkook into the passenger seat. “Stop acting fucking crazy or I’m leaving your ass here and taking Y/n home.”

You had the keys with you, hurrying to start the car so the two of you could leave but Jin was at Jungkook’s window. You rolled it down for him and the look on Jin’s face was saddened.

“Hoseok took half the cut for fighting outside the ring.”

“What?” Jungkook asked sitting up in his seat. Jin just nodded, “Took it, man I told you not to act out.”

Jungkook took the amount that was in Jin’s hands counting it up before cursing. It wasn’t nearly enough, not for everything. It wasn’t even enough to pay his family’s bills. When Jin pulled back you took the opportunity to drive but you didn’t take him to his place.

You were struggling when you pulled into the parking spot in the hotel parking garage and dragged him out. The garage was connected to the side of the hotel so you took him in the elevator as far as you could go and went up. As long as you avoided the lobby nobody would no how badly your boyfriend was beat.

He was silent now, all the pain finally hitting him at once and he felt hopeless. All that was for nothing. He won but at what cost? He let his emotions get the best of him and he yelled at you. Fuck, why did he do that? He couldn’t even apologize, it’s like his mouth had been sewn shut and look at this. You’re having to drag him yourself because he can’t walk himself. How pathetic.

When you got to a floor you found a cleaner and called to her as you got onto the right elevator hiding Jungkook against the wall, “Take a first aid kit to my room.” Everyone knew who you were and you couldn’t risk Jungkook being seen and your father being notified. The woman just nodded, running off already and you went to your floor. Jungkook didn’t say anything about coming to your place instead of his. He would’ve if he wasn’t trying to faint.

It didn’t take long for the first aid kit to get to your place and he followed you in.

He didn’t feel too awful but he was embarrassed. He didn’t even want you looking at him. His eye is practically swollen shut but thankfully it wasn’t the side with the piercing on it. He could still feel some blood on it but he had to force himself to ignore it as he followed you to your bathroom. You were bent over running the water in your overly large bath tub. You directed him to sit on the marble side of it and he did as told. You reached out to pull his shirt up but he stopped you.

“I can do it,” he mumbled looking down, “I’m fine.” You tried getting him to look and he wouldn’t but when you lifted his head he turned away making you frown, “You sure?”

“I don’t want you seeing me like this,” his voice was raspy, “Fuck I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry for yelling at you earlier.”

“It’s okay,” you said, holding his face gently, “But look at me, please.” It took him a second but when he did you released a sigh. You had a warm wet cloth as you began cleaning his eye area, “I’m here.”

He looked at you close to tears. “You don’t have to do everything alone. I want to take care of you too,” you said, making him sniffle. He shook his head, “I always do it alone, it's okay.”

“It’s not,” you said once he was finally undressed. You checked the water and poured some bath salts in and urged him to get in. He was naked in front of you but you couldn’t look at him, he didn’t want you to see all the pain he went through even if he says it’s not that bad. You sat on the edge of the tub waiting for him to get in and he did so shyly. As he sank into the warm water he looked back at you, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you in the car. I’m sorry you had to see me like that, okay? If you don’t want to be with me because of it I wo—“

“You won’t what? Stop me?” You asked cupping water in your hands and letting it run over his body, “So if I tell you right now that I don’t want you, you’ll just leave without a fight? You must not like me that much.”

“I love you,” he blurted out, happy that he was facing the wall instead of you but he would rather have you in here with him, “That’s why I wouldn’t stop you from leaving me. I’m not good enough for you.”

“Says who?”

“Y/n be serious, please,” Jungkook released a sigh turning to look at you. Now that he’s more cleaned up his wounds don’t look so bad but his eye was still swollen and his knuckles were bloody, “Look at me. Look at what I did tonight and where I live an—“

“I am looking,” you told him with your hands in his hair wetting it, “And tonight made me realize that I’m in love with you. I don’t care about where you live, I don’t care about any of that.”

“But I do,” he said when you started tugging your skirt and sweater off. Yes, he wanted you in his arms in this tub big enough to fit four people, but he didn’t want to just think about himself. He wanted you to know that he understands how different you two are and if tonight scared you, he understands why. He was a monster.

“Why?” You asked, sinking in across from him, “Why do you care about that stuff if I don’t?”

“Because it’s not enough for you. I want to give you so much of myself. I want to treat you the way you deserve to be treated and I can’t,” Jungkook said honestly, voice cracking here and there, “I’m not good enough, I fight to make money and look what happens. I can’t control myself, I yelled at you for no fucking reason and I hate myself so much.”

“Because you yelled at me or because you don’t think you’re enough?” You asked cautiously, making him shake his head no but he didn’t even know what he wanted to say. Yeah, he strongly disliked himself. He worked his ass off and it was never enough. He never had enough money, enough food, enough restraint, stability, or love.

You were careful when you leaned forward placing a soft kiss to his jaw, “I know you didn’t mean to snap. I know your buttons were pushed. I know you were stressed out and I don’t blame you at all. If I did I wouldn’t have you here with me. I don’t know how much more direct I have to be for you to see that I care about you so fucking much.”

“I don’t care about money, or yelling or any of that shit, I care about you and how you make me feel so safe because I know my strong boyfriend will beat the shit out of anyone who talks about me,” you said making your tone lighter at the end and he almost cracked a smile. He would never let anyone treat you any sort of way. That’s true.

His sore hands were holding your waist now underwater trying to pull you onto his lap. Though he’s been hit a few times in the gut, the place he was most hit was his face. His lip was pulled between his teeth, “My fighting scared you.”

“No, it didn’t,” you confessed, “What scared me is knowing that guy could do pretty much anything to you and it wouldn’t be breaking the rules.”

“I know,” he said, agreeing with you. It was getting extremely dangerous. If he gets hit in the head any more times he’ll get punch drunk before he’s 26. It’s not the fighting that’s the problem it’s where he’s doing it that is, “But as embarrassing as it is to confess to you, I need the money.”

“I understand baby, I’m not saying anything about that,” you told him honestly, running your fingers through his hair, “But it doesn’t have to be this way.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I agree with Jin,” you told him making his brows furrow as much as they could. “If fighting is what you’re good at and you want to fight then go ahead. It shouldn’t matter what anyone thinks unless they’re here caring for you instead of putting more stress on your shoulders. I know your family doesn’t like you fighting and honestly, after tonight, I didn’t like seeing that but it’s not because I don’t support you.”

“It’s because I do, that I want you to have better opportunities in a safer, more regulated environment and not some dingy ass fight club,” you told him with a kiss to his shoulder blade, “So I think you should think about going professional. Jin and I have good connections everywhere and with the right training you can get really far. But if you really don’t want to then I won’t ask anymore.”

“You think I can do it? How am I gonna have time to train when I’ve got to make money,” Jungkook asked, suddenly thinking about it. You were a lot more convincing than Jin but maybe it’s because you’re so loving—and naked in his arms.

“I’ll help you with mon—“ “No,” and he was unconvinced, “I’m not taking handouts. I’m sorry baby but not from you. You’re my girlfriend, you’re not supposed to have to let me borrow money. I want to be able to take you out and spoil you and I can’t if—“

“It’s not a hand out, it’s your girlfriend wanting to do things for you because she really loves you and wants you to be at a point in your life when you’re not stressing over every little thing,” you told him. He shook his head, still unconvinced. He can’t. He can’t. He loves you too much to put his worries on your shoulders. You pressed a kiss to his collarbone, “Besides I’m not saying you won’t be able to do it on your own, I know you can.”

“What I’m saying is that you don’t have to do it alone, and if it’s not money that you want help with that’s fine but don’t shut me out because you’re scared of relying on someone else. You’re too used to being the one dealing with your problems and everyone else’s. I want to be the one you have in your corner.”

“So I should go pro?” You nodded making his eyes dart around in thought, “I’ll still be fighting but I know now it’s because I like it.”

“Yes but you’ll be doing it as safe as can be, I don’t want you to go into a fight like this again and the guy do anything he can to get you down,” you told him and he looked up at you.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I am… I am asking for your help,” he struggled to get the words out but he did, “Because I don’t want to keep living the way I am, barely surviving and having to do dangerous things to get by. The reason why I never considered it is because I wouldn’t have the time or the money or even the support but I have you now.”

“You do,” you smiled, “And even if it doesn’t work—it will—but if it doesn’t, I’m still going to be here supporting everything you do.”

“I love you,” he blurted out looking in your eyes, “So fucking much and I’ve never felt like this for anyone else. I’m just sorry you have to see me like this.”

“Shhh,” you pressed your lips to his, “I love you too.”

You gave him a chaste kiss, “But we need you training on defense asap.” His brows furrowed as you continued, “I’m serious, you’re a good fighter but when it comes to blocking hits you suck.”

The two of you laughed lightly at that. It was true. He was a street fighter only using his fists to fight but when it comes to defending himself he’s not so quick. Hence why his face is usually the most damaged. His fingers sunk into your sides, “You gonna be my new trainer, baby?”

“Maybe, I know my way around a fight.” “Mmm, you’re gonna have to show me some moves but not in the ring.”

Your eyes rolled playfully, “Not tonight, you’re probably tired after your rounds.”

“I could still go for another round or two.”

“Are we still talking about fighting?”

::.

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a/n oooo not a boxer jk. still debating how I feel about the fic but it was fun to write

no part two but I will accept requests for drabbles of the fic

also, my blog now has a tipping option to support my writing :) I obv am not expecting any sort of payment but just added it

#kpop #jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #jungkook au #jungkook angst #kim taehyung #bts #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #park jimin #bts smut

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