#sorry 4 not being active i have nothing interesting to say
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hiii
#sorry 4 not being active i have nothing interesting to say#sooo school starts this week so might go back on semi hiatus#i miss being active here 💔💔💔💔💔#if any1 of u remember me feel free to send an ask or something#muah#izzie.text
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Bloom. °˖✧✿✧˖°
“I said, don’t. Just shut the fuck up and let me have this. Just one more time, please…”
→ Chapters list ←
⚘4. Spring Is Gone
🔞For Mature Audiences Only🔞
╔══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╗
⚘Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x fem!reader
⚘Synopsis: After being granted with “closure”, you try to enjoy your last night with Jungkook. It’s an emotional and fucking steamy mess.
⚘Genre:Forbidden love
⚘Word count: 13K+ 🥴
⚘Warnings: 18+ for mature audiences only, MDNI, emotional, mentions of cheating, active cheating, HEAVY smut, mouth spitting, wine kissing (idk if it’s actually called this but it’s what I have always called it LMAO), crying during sex, emotional sex, EMOTIONAL EVERYTHING YOU WILL CRY I AM WARNING YOU, grief, breaking up (sort of?), panic/anxiety attacks, alcohol, stealing (lol it’s kinda cute you’ll see,) making love (different from fucking), sort of rough, unprotected sex (always be careful, Y/N is on BC!), SAD JUNGKOOK I REPEAT SAD JUNGKOOK!!!! let me know if I miss anything there is a lot in this chapter.
⚘Disclaimer: This story in no way reflects the characters of those who are mentioned. It is pure fiction and for entertainment purposes only. Please don’t take it seriously. Nothing is real in this story.
⚘A/N: The long awaited chapter. This is a long one. I cried. A lot. Holy shit? It’s actually so sad lol but also has some good smut. This isn’t the last chapter, as I said before this is a full on fanfic, I also have it on Wattpad but it gets barely any reads so if you are interested in that let me know. After this chapter, things get very… drama filled? Idk a good word for it lol. I hope you enjoy, and I’m sorry in advance if you cry. I highly recommend listening to the songs, each of them have a place in every chapter which is why I list them lol. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy. Love you.❤️
╚══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╝
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺ ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ :
♪Merry Go - DPR Ian
♪Gimmie Love - Joji
♪The Astronaut - JIN
♪Dope Lovers - DPR Ian
♪sex money feelings die - Lykke Lie
♪Angel - The Weeknd
♪Nerves - DPR Ian
♪505 - Arctic Monkeys
♪I Love You So - The Walters
♪Apocalypse - Cigarettes After Sex
♪Cry - Cigarettes After Sex
✧━。゜✿ฺ✿ฺ゜。━✧
Since you both agreed on enough of the heavy shit, you spend time together. The mood is heavy for some time, almost awkward, which is why you break out the several bottles of wine you bought this week in an attempt to cope with the end of you and your flower. You’d much rather drink it with him anyway.
You can always buy more.
The wine helps. After you’ve both had a glass, it feels less strained. You continue eating pizza and watching whatever sappy drama is on TV. He picks up on his rant, starts explaining how sex is definitely comparable to pizza; sex creates life, and without sex, we wouldn’t have discovered pizza. Makes total sense. It’s stupid, but he has a point—a very Jungkook thing to think up.
By the time you’re both three glasses deep, you’re a bit wine-drunk. He holds his liquor much better than you do, but you can tell he’s feeling all fuzzy inside. You check your phone as he sits sprawled out on your couch, taking up almost the entire damn thing with his bulky ass. It’s nearly 11:30 pm… around the time he should probably go home.
You glance at him, debating whether to subtly kick him out or not. You don’t want to, god no. It literally makes you sick thinking about it. But you shouldn’t let him stay either, should you? You’re supposed to end this. This was the last night.
But you see how content he looks—like a big, overgrown spoiled dog with a belly full of treats, relaxing next to his favorite person.
You did say one last night… technically the night isn’t over. And he shouldn’t drive in this state, really, if anything, it’s just for his safety…
So you nudge his leg with your foot, and he turns his head lazily towards you, arches a brow, “Hm?”
“Sleep over?”
Oh, he fucking grins. His dimples on show, his eyes crinkling up adorably, and his big bunny like teeth saying hi.
Because what you don’t realize is he wasn’t going to leave. Fuck no. You said one last night, and he was going to milk that for everything it was. No way in hell was he going to go home tonight. If he’s being frank, that’s why he drank three glasses of wine. He didn’t need it. But he knew he could use it as a loophole to staying the night. You wouldn’t let him drive drunk.
He knows damn well what he’s doing, and he’s elated that you offered to let him stay. It means you want him here.
Even after all the bullshit, you still want him here. You want to prolong it, too.
“Hell yeah.”
He winks and then leans up a bit to stretch, causing his shirt to lift and give you the most indulgent peak of his stomach. You shamelessly stare, and he absolutely notices, lifting his arms a bit higher just to give you a better look.
He loves it when you look at him like that.
But then he stands up, casually grabs his car keys from the coffee table, as if he isn’t fucking teasing you.
Fuck. The wine is definitely kicking in. The warm fuzzies in your tummy are spreading elsewhere.
“Gonna go grab some stuff from my car then, make sure it’s locked, I’ll be right back.”
You hum in response and lean back into the couch. Watch him as he walks out the door, and find comfort in the fact that you know he’s coming back… even if it’s the last time.
Jungkook is doing his best not to let his mind wander to the more damning thoughts as he walks out of your complex and into the parking lot. Because he feels the opposite, no comfort at all. His anxiety is spiked now that you’re out of sight. What if you don’t let him in when he makes his way back to you? What if you change your mind about the sleepover? What if you decide you hate him?
Not only that, but he feels like he’s wasting precious time. As if the five minutes he will be away from you (barely) are irreplaceable and he’s just wasting them. It’s literally the end of the world… he shouldn’t be wasting time.
But that’s just his anxiety speaking. In truth, he doesn’t actually need the things in his car… but he packed a few things before showing up unannounced—things he wanted to leave you with.
Such as the little Polaroid camera you bought for him months ago, one that you yourself have used every single time you’re together. You always snap little candid pictures of him, sometimes yourself. He finds your fascination with the thing so fucking cute. He uses it, too, of course. He often takes pictures of you without you even knowing it… and you’ve both definitely taken some more raunchy pictures, pictures that he keeps hidden away in a box for when he misses your touch. For his eyes only. They’re priceless to him, probably some of his most prized possessions.
Speaking of those photos, he also packed a box full of them just for you. Pictures you’ve taken of him, of both of you, of anything and everything. He wants you to have them, wants you to be able to look at them when you miss him a little too much. He went through the photos over the last few days of no contact, greedily picked out his favorites, and put them into his own box for the same purpose. But he picked a generous amount out for you, too.
And as corny as it may sound, he packed a few pieces of his clothing. He knows how much you love stealing his shit, especially his shirts. Several are still missing, but he won’t ask for them back. He’Ll gift you with more, made sure to spray his cologne on them too, so that you can smell him on them. He packed his favorite shirt, hoodie, and something he will reluctantly, but willingly, part with. His denim jacket.
All of them are Calvin Klein branded. The shirt is basic, just a black shirt that’s fitted on him but swallows you whole. It’s the one you often steal when you sleep over at his second apartment, but he never let you take it home because it was his favorite. It’s worn in and soft, that’s why he likes it. But it’s yours now, just like him.
The hoodie is the same, basic black, one that you always tried to steal but never succeeded in doing so. It’ll be like a warm hug when you miss him, he thinks. You’ll love it more than he will. You’ll need it more than him on nights that you feel lonely.
The jean jacket isn’t anything special in appearance. It’s dark denim but is lined in that soft wool that keeps you warm and cozy. He wore it often in the cold months, thought it made him look handsome, but also kept him comfy. He’d rather you have it. He wants to keep you warm forever, hold you in his arms and never let go, make sure you never feel cold again… but he can’t exactly do that. So instead, he’ll give you his jacket.
The last thing is one of his chains. God, he knows you love those damn chains. He almost always wears one, silver or gold, depending on the day. And you always make sure to tell him how much you like them. He never really understood it; it’s something so simple. But you swooned for it. After you guys fuck, you’re always touching it, playing with it. Even when you guys aren’t fucking, you seem to have the impulse to touch it. Maybe it’s a girl thing, he doesn’t know. But he’s giving you one since you liked it so much.
Definitely a girl thing.
He also brought the bottle of perfume you dropped on his floor that night you stormed off… he was going to give it back. Return it to its rightful owner. But as he’s grabbing the bag full of goods out of his car… he impulsively takes it out. Wants to keep it. Wants to be able to smell you, too. He’s sure you won’t miss it.
You won’t miss that perfume as much as he’s going to miss you.
He quickly grabs the bag of stuff, nearly dropping it as he grows more restless because he’s not with you right now. You’re too far away, and every single second counts tonight.
So he rushes back into your complex building, nearly full-on sprinting back to your door.
As he lets himself back in, you’re in the exact same position. Sitting comfy on the couch, eyes on the TV, your wine glass a bit more empty now. Thank fuck.
He wasn’t even gone for more than four minutes. And yes, you did notice, you didn’t like it. But you knew he’d come back. So you waited. Wasn’t a big deal.
He’s just dramatic, for good reason of course. You can see the unease written all over his face as he pads his way back towards you, sets the bag next to your couch. He doesn’t disclose what’s in it and you don’t ask, you just assume it’s the bag he usually keeps in his car for impromptu nights like this.
He doesn’t want to present these little gifts to you yet… because he feels like that’s what’s going to really finalize it. So he’ll wait a little longer.
Would put it off forever if he could.
He takes a seat next to you, obnoxiously close. Your couch isn’t big, but there’s enough for two people to have a comfortable distance from each other. He doesn’t care. He wants to make sure he’s touching you in some way, so he nearly squishes you as he sits down as casually as ever and slings one of his arms on the back of your couch so that his fingertips rest on your shoulder.
He has an almost jittery energy about him right now. Obviously, emotions are heavy; it’s your last night together. It’s kind of hard to act totally ok and normal when you’re both well aware that this is the last night. But even then, somethings a bit off.
You study him for a moment, notice how he’s running his teeth over his lip ring again, how his leg is bouncing up and down a bit even as he tries to mimic a relaxed position on the couch. Maybe he’s anxious?
He is. However, that’s not what this is all about. He wants to kiss and touch you so badly it hurts. But now he’s unsure if he’s allowed. He doesn’t know what’s on and off limits tonight, and he doesn’t want to jeopardize your time together by fucking it up and making unwanted advances.
Overthinking. He wishes he didn’t do that. But he doesn’t even realize it’s happening until after things are said and done, doesn’t know how to stop it.
You assume maybe it’s just nervous energy thanks to the impending sense of doom you both feel. You feel similarly… but you hide it better.
More wine would help, you think.
So you lean forward and grab the bottle which is half empty, this is the second bottle of tonight. You top off each of your glasses as Jungkook watches, and you take a sip.
His eyes stay glued to your lips. He loves your lips. Loves all of you, but especially your lips. He thinks that will be one of the things he misses the most. How soft and pillowy they are, how they’re a bit rosey in color, how they taste, how they pout out a bit when you drink wine, how wine stains your lips so prettily, how they feel wrapped around his—
Yeah. Fuck it. One last night.
“Gimmie some.”
You glance at him and arch a brow, wonder if he’s referring to the wine… or maybe pizza? You literally just topped his wine glass off. He’s being weird.
“I just topped you off?”
He shakes his head, “Nah, I want yours.”
You scoff at him because now he’s just being childish. But he’s looking at you so expectantly, almost stubbornly, as if he’s asking for something more than the wine he’s demanding.
And he is. He doesn’t even really know what though. He’s being greedy, wants your wine because your lips touched the glass, because remnants of your spit might have melted into the wine after taking sips. He doesn’t want his own damn wine.
He wants to be greedy tonight. It’s not like he has anything to lose, he’s already lost it all.
So he reaches over and takes the wine glass from you, gets a bit impatient when he sees you aren’t gonna give it to him right away. He takes a slow sip, places his lips in the same exact spot yours have been every time you’ve taken a drink. It’s ridiculous, really… but he swears he tastes the faintest essence of you on the glass. Closes his eyes, swishes the wine around in his mouth, trying to see if he can taste more of you…
Ok, so, he’s definitely being a bit ridiculous. But fuck, he already feels like he’s going crazy. Can’t really help himself when he is desperately craving any little crumb of you.
You don’t know what to make of this. Part of you is amused, part of you is irritated, because he just stole your damn wine. But you also know there must be more to it, there has to be.
He cracks an eye open, sees you staring at him like he’s crazy, because he kinda is. Only for you, of course. He just swallows the wine and shrugs innocently.
“Yours is better, mine tastes weird.”
You roll your eyes at him because he has the same wine as you do. You can’t figure out what his game is here. So you reach over and take his wine and say, “Yours is literally the same as mine.”
To prove a point you take a sip of his. Just as expected, tastes the exact same as yours. He watches you carefully… gets an idea. An incredibly impulsive,almost intrusive idea.
But again… it’s the last night. And he’s greedy.
You huff at him and point his wine glass (which is now yours apparently) at him as you watch him take a huge gulp out of your glass again.
“Yeah, see, tastes the exact-“
He abruptly grabs the nape of your neck and cups your jaw with his free hand, his thumb coming to rest on your bottom lip and lowering it. He places his lips on yours, waits until your mouth instinctively opens just as it always does for him, and then funnels the wine into your mouth.
Fucking feeding you the wine like a baby bird.
It catches you by surprise at first, causing you to cough a bit and causing the wine to dribble down your chin, but you quickly gulp it down just like he gulps down the little gasp and cough you let out. He kisses you greedily, doesn’t even build up to it before he’s pushing his tongue into your mouth and swirling it against yours, tasting the heady mixture of wine and you. Fuck, you’re his favorite taste.
You don’t protest; of course you don’t. Was definitely a bit bizarre, but also… fuck, that was hot. Was a bit weird but in a super sexy way. You kiss him back, letting out little huffs of air into his mouth as one of your hands also finds the nape of his neck. The other hand automatically rests against his chest, clings to the fabric of his shirt tightly.
You both stay like this as long as possible. The kiss only grows more desperate and aggressive, teeth and tongue clashing beautifully together like thunder and rain. Your soft pants turn into eager breathes at some point, and he knows you need to breathe. But fuck, he wants to stay lip locked with you until he passes out.
This is when you start to second-guess things. Yes, this is the last night together… but knowing it’s ending makes the guilt a bit more prominent. This wouldn’t be ending if it wasn’t wrong, but it is wrong; sleeping with him again just seems so contradictory or maybe even hypocritical.
So you push at his chest lightly, a silent signal for him to slow down. God, he hates the way his stomach lurches. Can’t fathom the idea that you might kick him out right now. Please, god, don’t do this. I’m not a weed, I swear, I’m her fucking flower. I need her one more time, he silently prays even though he’s never been religious or prayed before.
When he pulls back with heavily lidded eyes, you speak up hesitantly, even though you don’t wanna stop, god not at all.
“Kook, we shouldn’t…”
That’s all you say. Because it’s really that simple. You shouldn’t be doing this; you should never have done it at all. But even then, you lack the ability to convince him. Because you want him, one last time. You’re just having a hard time willingly giving in again.
Jungkook knows you well. Knows your body language. He knows that if you truly wanted him to stop, you would’ve been more self assured when speaking. You wouldn’t sound like a meek little mouse, you’d be firm in telling him know. He can see the same thing in your eyes, it’s pure unadulterated want. But maybe you need reassurance, reassurance that one last time is ok, is needed.
You’ve both sinned so much already, one more time won’t change shit.
So his grasp on your jaw firms up a bit, he starts feeling a little too passionate about this. He coaxes your mouth open by smooshing your cheeks a bit before saying,
“Y/N, fucking don’t. Just let us have this, please.”
“But Kook-“
He grunts in frustration. Just as impulsively as he fed you wine kisses, he spits in your mouth. It makes you flinch, makes your pussy clench because fuck it’s so filthy but so hot. So intimate in a sort of fucked up way.
“I said, don’t. Just shut the fuck up and let me have this. Just one more time, please…”
He leans back down and starts kissing you again, licking into your mouth and adding more to the spit he put there moments ago. Doesn’t even give you a chance to protest. He kisses you like he’s going to die if he doesn’t. He’s sure he will. He’ll die a miserable death if he doesn’t love you one more time.
It's a bit harsh, but you know each other enough to know he isn’t trying to be forceful or rude; he’s just desperate. You are too, honestly. You know damn well if you said no and meant it, he would pull away and stop immediately. Your body has always been safest with him. You don’t want to stop, not really. You’re thankful he’s being like this. It’s the push you need to ignore the guilt for a while longer and share your body with him one last time.
When he feels that you’ve melted into him, with no more tension or hesitancy in your body, he pulls away, nipping at your lower lip once and then sucking on it. Then his lips travel down, and he licks the wine staining your chin off before placing sloppy kisses down your neck.
He doesn’t even ask before he starts sucking and licking on your sensitive skin. Not kitten licks, not gentle sucks, no, he’s full-on giving you hickeys, and you know it. You know it’s intentional when you feel him pull back a bit to take a peak, only to lean back in a second later and bite.
The hand on his nape fists into his hair, and your back arches a bit, causing your chest to push against his chest, “Fuck, Kook…”
You should tell him to stop marking you up like this. You don’t like showing up to work or visiting friends with visible hickeys because questions get asked. And as much as you wish you could admit who they’re from, you can’t. No one knows about Jungkook. No one even knows you’re seeing someone right now, and you don’t want to have to come up with some story to cover your ass.
It’s a secret for you too.
But it’s the last night together… and the idea of having his hickeys on your neck, just to remind you a little longer that this was real, he was real, it’s an idea you quite like. Fucking love, actually.
He grunts at you, bites down a little harder, “What? Told you your wine was better…”
You let out a little breathy laugh when he says this, because of course he would play it coy, as if he didn’t just randomly start devouring you. Of course he’d blame it on the damn wine.
That breathy laugh quickly turns into a moan when one of his hands finds your tit, he starts squeezing and groping it through your shirt shamelessly, tweaking your nipple in the way he knows you love. God, he loves your tits. They’re the perfect size for him, he swears. They fit into his palm perfectly, feel like pillows, just like your lips. All of you is just so soft.
He kisses his way down your neck now that it’s all marked up in pretty purple and pink bruises blossoming, much like you do every single time he touches you like this. When he gets to your chest, he looks up at you through his lashes, and then he nearly rips your shirt off of you when he pulls it down.
His eyes leave yours as he looks down at the beautiful pillows on your chest. He just admires them for a moment, as if he’s at an art gallery studying each piece of art. That’s what you are, art. Everything about you inside out is otherworldly beautiful to him, tits included.
At this point, you’re lying down on your couch, legs parted for him. It’s a bit awkward because of how small the couch is, but that doesn’t stop either of you. He doesn’t give a fuck that he barely fits. He’ll make himself fit… just like he’s made himself fit into your life for months.
He wants to fit into your life just one more time, one more night, wants to meld together and tangle your roots so that it’s impossible to untangle them. He knows it’s wishful thinking, but that’s where this is all coming from. He’s not being aggressive and eager and greedy just because he’s horny, no, he’s doing this because maybe, just maybe, if he shows you with his body how much he loves you… how much he needs you… you’ll change your mind one day.
His mouth descends on your left breast, and he starts licking and sucking on your nipple. Your eyes roll back, and your entire body shudders at the sensations, fuck, it always feels like the first time. Before him, men didn’t pay such close attention to your body. Never even had a guy play with your tits before, Jungkook was the first. It was so odd at first, but it quickly became one of your favorite things. Makes you get so wet so fast.
You love how he looks up at you when he does it, his eyes full of asters and stars alike, hearts and moons, lust mixed with love and it’s a dizzying sight. You wonder if this is how you look when you go down on him, if that’s why it unravels him so quickly. You’d understand if so, you wish so badly you could snap a picture of him like this and preserve it.
It’s funny because he’s thinking the same thing. How beautiful you look when he goes down on you, how your eyes mimic his own, and how you have a hard time controlling your facial expressions when the pleasure is too intense. His favorite thing is when you start furrowing your brows and almost pouting at him without realizing it; the little pants and mewls you let out without meaning to, it drives him absolutely insane.
He wants to capture it, too. Fuck, tonight is a night to remember, he wants everything solidified in film. Every single kiss and touch and whisper spoken tonight, he needs to preserve it.
He sucks on your nipple for a few more seconds, his other hand flicking the nipple on your right breast. Wants to get you all worked up for him. he then pulls back, letting go of your tit with a wet pop sound. Lets his hands rest on your thighs and rubs his palms up and down them as he takes you in.
You let out a little whine when he pulls away, but you don’t protest. His pupils dilate heavily as he looks down at you because, holy fuck, you’ve never let him mark you up like this. He doesn’t even like giving hickeys, thinks it’s a bit immature, something meant for college. But seeing you blooming pink and purple from your neck down to your pretty tits? It makes his cock twitch hard in his sweats.
He removes one hand from your thigh, and reaches down to palm himself through his sweats. He squeezes his cock as he takes in your already debauched look. Marked up, tits out, lips swollen, eyes heavy… fuck. You may be what kills him, not heart break.
One last squeeze to his cock to relieve a bit of the pressure, and he lets go of it. He knows you’re getting a bit impatient by how you’re shifting in your spot, but you know he wants to take his time tonight. So you don’t say anything, no matter how much you wanna beg for his dick or his mouth.
He leans over the couch to unzip the bag he brought, grabs the Polaroid, and then readjusts himself between your legs. He sets the camera down on your stomach and brings his hands back to where your thighs are spread prettily for him.
You arch a brow, and he gives you a little smile. He still looks a bit fucked, his eyes black with want and his cock literally tenting his sweats. The smile is much too sweet for what you’re both doing.
“Take as many pictures as you want, there’s a full roll of film in there. Can keep ‘em for when you miss me.”
Now is not the time to cry. Fuck.
You nod at him, grab the camera and keep it close. You wonder if he planned this or if it was a coincidence that it was in his bag. Regardless, you’re thankful. Elated even, that he’s going to let you capture this and preserve it for those nights you doubt he was ever even real. There's no time to be sad now; you can grieve him when he’s gone.
He flicks his tongue over his lip ring as he looks down at you again, there’s so much that he wants to do tonight, but he knows damn well the moment his cock so as much touches you, he’s going to lose control. He needs to lavish you with love and attention first before even thinking of himself.
He grabs the hem of your shirt, gently pulls it over your head. You lay pliant, let him take the lead and do whatever he wants. God, anything for him as long as he keeps looking at you like that, like you’re the reason he breathes.
Next he takes off the pajama shorts you had on, slowly fumbling with them because of the awkward position on the couch. It makes you giggle at him, which makes him giggle at you. Now that you’re both a bit calmed down, not quite as worked up, you realize maybe the couch isn’t the most practical place.
Even then, you take the Polaroid and snap a picture, capturing his bashful smile on camera as he tosses your shorts away. He doesn’t protest; he lets you. Watches as you take the photo it spits out and stare at it lovingly before setting it on the coffee table.
His hands are on your thighs again, and despite the fact you’re nearly butt naked now, his eyes stay steady on your face. He reaches forward, grabs the camera from you, and snaps his photo of you. He focuses the Polaroid specifically on your neck to capture the hickies he left, wants to remember you marked as his. He retrieves the photo after the camera spits it out. He doesn’t look at it yet; just tosses it inside of his bag next to the couch.
At your huff and shy little glare you send him, he chuckles, hands you back the camera, and before you can scold him, he lightly swats your thigh. Then he gets off the couch and picks you up bridal style.
It’s hard to be mad at him when he makes you feel like a princess. You don’t actually mind that he took the picture, as embarrassing as it feels. You know it’ll be for his eyes only.
He easily carries you into your bedroom, kicks the door open, and deposits you on your bed. Wasted no time before he’s taking off his shirt and sweats, and fuck, you swear he’s a Greek god. Perfect, in every way. You could drool every damn time you see any bit of his skin. His broad shoulders, his tiny waist, his subtle and toned thighs, it’s a lethal combination. Any woman who sees him like this surely could keel over at how beautiful he is, how sexy he is.
He gets on the bed with you, and you set the camera on the pillow next to your head. He settles between your thighs once more. He can feel himself starting to get impatient now that you’re both in only your underwear; his cock is still hard. Only getting harder as he stares down at you, looking at how pretty you look with your hard nipples glistening with his spit and your soft thighs spread just for him.
He descends, placing open-mouthed kisses on your tummy. Your hands come to rest in his hair as they’ve done many times because you know you’ll need to hang on. You know where this leads, and anytime he eats you out, it’s an out-of-body experience. The things this man’s mouth can do are unholy, but still feel like heaven.
His eyes stay on you as he kisses his way down to your thighs. He nips at them lightly, causing you to whine. He covers your lower half in kisses, not missing a single ounce of your skin as he lavishes your inner thighs with sweet little declarations of love that just aren’t enough.
You lift your hips ever so slightly, tug on his hair a bit, send him a silent message that says please fucking put your mouth on me before I explode.
He smirks against your skin, looks up at you as he trails his lips upward, “Just feel it, baby, let me love on you.”
You want to roll your eyes at this, but don’t say anything. Just try to regulate your breathing. You know he’s wanting to savor it, savor you. He has every right to.
But he knows what you need; can tell by the way you’re scratching his scalp that you’re itching to feel his mouth on you. And if he’s being honest, he’s growing a bit impatient, too.
So he finally trails his lips past your thighs, onto the mound of your cunt which is still covered by your panties. The moment he sees the wet spot seeping through, smells your arousal, his patience disappears. Suddenly, he’s fucking starving.
He doesn’t even take your panties off before he starts kissing your cunt, sucking on your clit through the fabric. The feeling makes your body nearly jolt, your hips bucking into his face as you tug on his hair and let out an incredibly strained moan. Fuck. So much for taking it slow and dragging it out.
He becomes a man possessed once he tastes you. He’s letting out grunts as he borderline makes out with your panties, suckling the fabric to get every drop of your essence off of them and onto his tongue. It’s genuinely filthy, debauched, but god, it’s hot.
He leans back with flared nostrils and glistening lips, looking like he’s wearing lipgloss. Made specially by you, of course. He nearly rips your panties off and throws them into the pile containing his clothes at the end of the bed.
A coincidence, he tells himself. He’s totally not planning on ‘accidentally’ taking them home with him… not at all.
He leans back down, grabs your thighs, and props them over his shoulders as he maneuvers himself to lay flat on his stomach on the bed, his knees keeping him steady as he presses his face into your pussy.
He inhales you, takes in your scent. So musky and pretty, so uniquely you. He wishes he could bottle it up and wear it as a fucking cologne. He rubs his nose around in it, nudging your clit back and forth, almost as if he’s motor-boating you but instead of your tits, it’s your cunt.
God, it’s lewd. But he can’t get enough.
You already feel yourself becoming a little too turned on but wanna capture this moment. Wanna preserve how fucked he looks when he does shit like this, only ever for you. So you grab the Polaroid with one shakey hand that leaves his hair, and you snap a quick photo. It comes out a bit blurry, but you don’t mind. You place the camera back on the pillow alongside the fresh photo and have to double down on gripping his hair because, holy fuck, this feels so good.
His tongue finds your entrance and starts licking inside, trying to get every last drop of your cream greedily into his mouth. He uses his nose to stimulate your clit, one of the perks of having a big nose. He’s grunting as he licks into your cunt, almost sounds feral doing so. He doesn't even recognize his own voice with the damn noises he's making.
As much as you don’t want to admit it, watching this all unfold has you dangerously close already. Your thighs are quivering on his shoulders, and your toes are curling along his back. The way he’s breathing into your pussy, sucking and licking and nudging it with his nose, fuck, it has you a mess. The noises you’re making you can’t control; you’re starting to sound just as feral as him.
“Mmmph… Koo… gonna cum soon, slow down…”
You babble at him. You wanna cum so bad, but you also don’t want it to stop so soon. If you had one wish at this very moment, it would be that he does this forever. He looks so lovely in between your thighs, licking and sucking you up as if it’s his last meal.
Because it is his last meal. After this night, he’s gonna be starving for eternity without you.
He huffs out a little laugh against your clit, the hot air causing your back to arch and fingers to tighten in his hair; if he doesn’t ease up, your thighs are surely going to crush his damn head.
“Cum then. Fucking give it to me, Y/N. Let me earn it.”
He nearly growls at you before he dives back in with renewed vigor. He replaces his tongue, which was deep in your cunt, with his fingers. He uses his mouth now to suck on your clit. As you look down at him, you’d swear he was kissing it, making out with it, making love with his fucking mouth. The added pressure of two of his long fingers crooking inside of you is quickly bringing you to your end.
But what nearly makes you cum on the spot is the way he starts fucking humping the bed. Acting like a virgin humping a pillow, he moves his hips back and forth on the mattress just for some sort of stimulation to his cock because it started getting so hard it was damn near painful.
He knows how desperate he looks but doesn’t care. Clearly, you enjoy it, judging by the way you start panting, and your pussy starts pulsating and tightening around his fingers. They fuck into you harder, rubbing up against the spongy flesh inside, all while he makes out with your clit.
His eyes open to meet yours, and you’re done for. Seeing that desperation and love in his eyes mixed with the fact he’s fucking humping your bed makes your pussy throb. You begin cumming hard, tugging on his hair as your thighs clasp around his head. He damn near whines into your cunt, the noise only causing vibrations to make it so much more intense for you.
“Nnngh oh shit! Fuck, oh fuck Koo… oh my god, shiiit…”
Your hips buck up into his mouth eagerly; you can’t even control it. Your feet planted on his back, toes curling, thighs trembling around his face, and your face scrunched up in pleasure. You see stars- no- you see an entire fucking galaxy as you cum all over his face. Full of stars, moons, planets, gardens, all of which are full of him and every single fiber of his being.
All for him, just as he is all for you.
He fucks you through it, does his best to prolong it, but he knows he’ll make you cum again on his cock. He is aching to be buried inside of you. He wants to make love to you, not fuck you, he wants to meld your bodies together and become one tonight.
After what feels like forever, your body relaxes, and the spasming of your clit dies down, causing it to become sensitive. He can tell by the way your legs shake and your body jolts when he applies too much pressure with his tongue.
He reluctantly pulls back, licking your juices off of his lips before placing little kisses all over your thighs and pelvis. He looks fucked, his nose and his lips are glistening obscenely in the dim lighting, and his eyes don’t look brown anymore but black.
When your eyes travel downward, you whine at him. His cock is nearly tearing through his underwear, which you now realize he’s wearing your fav, the purple CK’s. There’s a little stain where the head of his cock presses, so much precum, all for you.
He looks down where your eyes are trained, and he snorts at himself. Jesus fuck, he really is acting like a desperate teenager, isn’t he? But he can’t find himself giving a shit. He wants you to know how desperate and unhinged you make him. He can’t say he’s ever been so horny he borderline fucked a mattress, not until now. And it’s all because of you.
He takes off his underwear with shaky hands and tosses them somewhere in your room. Then he settles between your legs again, rubbing up and down your thighs as he takes you in as if it’s the first time.
Your hands come up to his chest, scraping your nails down it slowly, which earns you the most beautiful groan from his lips. He bites down on them, and his cock jumps upward, begging to be touched. So you trail your hands lower until you find his aching length and take it into your hand, start stroking him lazily.
His breathing becomes labored, and his eyes flutter shut. Even just your hand feels so fucking good. His hips jerk forward, seeking more stimulation. Fuck, he can’t get enough.
One of his hands remains on your thigh while the other reaches for the camera. He boldly angles it directly at your cunt, snaps a photo of it, making sure to capture the way your slick folds glisten in the light, along with all of the purple flowers blossoming on your thighs. His tattooed hand is barely in the shot but is visible enough to make it clear it is him in this photo.
He tosses the photo in the same pile his clothes and your panties lay next to the bed, and then angles the camera towards your face and body to take another. He thinks you’re so pretty like this. Cheeks flushed, lips puffy because you always bite them right before you cum, eyes bright with afterglow. You look like an Angel, especially in this moment.
He’s sure you’re an Angel sent from the God he doesn't even believe in.
He snaps another photo and tries to steady his shaky hands because the way you’re stroking his cock feels borderline painful. Too slow; he needs more. Beads of precum drip down his cock as if it’s crying. It may as well be crying for you.
He quickly takes the photo, tosses it in the same pile, and then does the same with the camera without thinking. Is getting way too worked up with how you’re stroking his dick and looking at him like a Greek god.
Because he is one. You’ll say it time and time again.
He leans over your body and settles in between your legs. You remove your hand and wrap your arms around his shoulders, burying your fingers in his hair again. He grinds his cock onto your pussy, coating it in the remnants of your cum and juices, and starts kissing you slowly.
The kiss isn’t like the one with wine; this one is sweet, loving, still desperate, but more patient. His lips work with you in unison, your puzzle pieces coming together once more. You can taste yourself on his lips, and it makes you moan into his mouth, which causes his cock to twitch against your pussy. God, he loves the sounds that you make. Music to his ears, he’d play it on repeat if he could.
He slowly drags the tip of his cock down to your entrance which is well prepared for him, and even more slowly starts thrusting inside of you. He wants to feel you deeply, feel every ripple and ridge of your pussy, every pulse and throb. He wants to catalog it and replay it over and over in his head for when he misses you.
Jungkook is definitely gifted when it comes to his manhood. It’s not too long, a good seven and a half inches, but fuck he’s so girthy. When you first fucked him, you could barely handle how thick he was. Nowadays, you can absolutely handle it, but that first push always gets you fucking squirming. The pressure and stretch are nothing like you’ve ever felt before.
You let out a stuttered gasp into his mouth when he buries himself to the hilt, his balls flush against your ass, and he stays there for a moment so that you can adjust. You break the kiss, wincing a bit as you turn your face to try and hide the way it scrunches up as it always does the first few moments he’s inside of you.
He doesn’t like that. Not at all.
He pulls his face back from yours and steadies himself on his elbow as one of his hands comes up to grip your jaw. He turns your face towards him, doesn’t let you look away or try to hide.
“Uh-uh, you look at me when I fuck you. I wanna see every single detail of your pretty face if this is the last time I get you like this.”
You whine at him, your eyes fluttering shut and cheeks warming. For some reason, that’s embarrassing, like being called out for talking in class or some shit. But even then, your pussy clenches around his cock, because you love it when he takes control like that, when he makes it clear what he wants.
He shakes your jaw a bit when he notices you closing your eyes, causing them to open instinctively. He looks just as fucked as you do, his nostrils are flared, and he’s sweating slightly, clearly holding back.
“Eyes on me, Y/N. Don’t you fucking dare look away. Look me in my eyes while I make love to you.”
Fuck. It takes every single bit of strength you possess not to cry. There he goes, voicing the fact that tonight isn’t going to be some hard fuck. It’s making love.
That terrifies you.
Making love is something entirely different compared to fucking. Some people disagree, but you don’t. Fucking is mindless, meant for pleasure and pleasure alone. Sometimes, there's intimacy after, but it’s mostly just sex. Making love, of course, comes with pleasure, but that’s not its purpose. Its purpose is to come together with your partner, show each other how much you love them, let all of your emotions run wild and free while sharing the most intimate parts of your body together.
Fucking is like buying a bouquet of roses. You get to see them, water them, keep them on display, but the joy dies quickly because the roses die, too.
Making love is like growing a garden of roses. You can’t make love until you grow that love with someone; nurture it, watch it morph and evolve. And then the flowers bloom. The love bursts, the petals are vibrant in colors made up of you and your partner.
Both are lovely. Everyone loves buying a bouquet of roses, but few get to experience growing their own.
You’ve never made love. Tonight will be the first time.
And it will probably be the last.
You nod at Jungkook stupidly, keeping your eyes on his just as he asked you to. Once he sees your eyes remaining on him, he starts slowly moving his hips. His cock slides in and out of you, your arousal can clearly be heard by the noises your cream coating his cock every time he slides in and out makes. It’s beautiful.
This is beautiful… and so goddamn tragic.
He’s also fighting tears. Because, unlike you, he has made love before… or thought he did. He swore on his wedding night he made love to his wife, but it was nothing like this. You’ve barely even started, and he can feel the stark difference. God, it makes him question fucking everything. He never felt this way with his wife, with anyone, only ever with you.
But now isn’t the time to think of such things, to dissect the fact that maybe what he had with his wife was never actually love, but comfort. Now is the time to share your love together, one last time.
He starts moving his hips a bit faster. His arms reach under your body and wrap around you, trying to get as close as humanly possible. He rests his forehead on yours, keeps his eyes on yours, too. He starts panting, is fighting back tears. He is trying so hard not to cry right now.
“I love you.”
Fuck.
You let out another stuttered breath, and then your breathing picks up entirely as you fight back tears. Your arms are wrapped around him now, nails digging into his back like you’re afraid he will float away. Because you are, you’re so scared that if you let go, he will disappear. You don’t want him to disappear.
He starts pounding a bit deeper, grunting with each deep thrust as he grits out again,
“I love you.”
Fuck he needs to stop.
“Jungkook— nngh… don’t…”
He shakes his head, his breathing heavier, and his thrusts bordering on aggressive now. That’s not abnormal for him; sex with you both is regularly rough. But this is so different. It isn’t the dominating kind of aggressive but desperate, full of passion and love and grief.
“No, Y/N, look at me. I love you. I fucking love you so much, Y/N. I love you.”
And you break.
Crying for you also isn’t abnormal during sex with him specifically. It’s always intense, so sometimes you cry. Not out of sadness or pain; it just happens sometimes. He came to learn that quickly.
But just like how he’s making love to you, these tears are different. You’re weeping for the loss of your lover, but also because you are still so full of love for him. You’re crying because for the first time since this mess started between you, you believe him when he says he loves you. Deep down in your core, in every single crack and crevice of your being, you feel his love for you.
You see it in his eyes as he looks at you, you feel it in the way he touches and kisses you, you hear it in the way he speaks to you when he says it. He loves you so fucking much, and you regret refusing to see it until your last night together. You wish so badly you could have savored his love more seriously rather than deny yourself of it.
You wish things were different.
So you cry for him. The moment the first tear falls, you don’t hold back. You let out something between a moan and a sob as he fucks his cock into you, and his hips stutter when he realizes you’re crying. He didn’t want you to cry, fuck, he doesn’t think he can handle that right now without crying himself. He just wanted you to know, needed you to know that you are loved by him. So fucking loved.
He keeps his eyes on yours, watches the tears fall. He tilts his head slightly and starts kissing the tears away, even as they continue to fall. Greedily kisses them away because they are for him. This will be the last time you water his fully bloomed flower, so he will be greedy. Because he knows that after this, his flower will wilt away, maybe he will, too. So he lets you cry and he kisses and fucks you through it.
He feels himself getting close, his cock starting to twitch and his hips grinding harder into your pelvis. He feels you getting close, too, the way your cunt starts pulsing in rhythm with his cock. You’ve never come at the same time before. He hopes that tonight, he can make it happen.
“Fuck, you feel like home… I love you so much…”
A strangled sob escapes your throat at his words. It’s like he can’t stop saying it, can’t get the words out of his mouth enough. You’ve yet to say it back because you’re afraid his glittery eyes will water, too. But god, you need him to know.
“I love you too, Koo… more than anything…”
And you were right. Hearing you say it amidst your tears, combined with the way your pussy starts rippling around his cock, throbbing and clenching directly after you say it, it’s too much.
He cries. Tries to hide it with a moan, but it’s no use because his tears fall onto your cheeks. You both start crying harder, and he starts fucking you faster. His arms tighten around your waist, and he starts kissing you. Lets you taste your melded tears, his sorrow, his devotion, his love all poured out into this kiss and his tears.
You both water each others flower for the last time.
You feel the familiar pressure building as you kiss him back, your tears mixing with his, the taste addicting. You hate seeing him cry; you know it’s going to haunt you for weeks. But right now, you’re consumed with wanting to be as close to him as possible, and you want to share this moment with him.
You wrap your legs around his waist, and your hips start matching his thrusts. The kiss turns a bit sloppy and uncoordinated because he’s very clearly about to cum; you can feel his cock start twitching and pulsing aggressively inside of you.
“I love you, Y/N. I love you. I. Love. You.”
He groans loudly, his voice sounds strained and distraught. “Come with me.”
You assume he means he wants you to cum at the same time as him. He wants you to cum together, which is definitely going to happen; you feel the string about to snap on both sides.
But really, it had dual meaning. Cum with me, but also come with me. Anywhere, everywhere, please run away with me, please love me forever and ever, please save a piece of your heart for me, please don’t stay away from me forever.
One last thrust and his pelvis grinds into yours as his balls draw up taught. He whimpers into your mouth, and his pelvis grinding into you, mixed with how fucking deep his cock is inside of you, is enough stimulation to your clit to cause you to hurl over the edge a second time. You cream all over his dick, your hips writhing beneath him as you whine and moan into his mouth. His cock jerks hard inside of you, shooting hot ropes of cum that seem endless. Your souls meld together much like your tears do, and you both cum harder than you ever have.
It’s like, in this moment, you are one. You both share a garden, flowers at full bloom, no pesky cages or fences to hinder you from flourishing together. There’s sunlight, and bees, and soil, and plenty of water. It’s peaceful, it’s heaven, it’s home. It’s where you both swear you belong.
Both of your orgasms seem to last eternally. It’s endless, his cock jerking and spurting in rhythm to the way your pussy milks him and pulses around him. He stays buried to the hilt until his cock tires out and your pussy stops milking him.
Even after, he stays like this. You both say nothing as you silently cry together, still connected intimately as you share little kisses between tears.
You made love. He made love to you.
You know damn well you’re ruined for any other man going forward after that.
He exhales a shaky breath and starts peppering your face with little kisses. Despite the tears, he feels lighter than before. There’s still that impending sense of doom, but he knows in his heart that you know he loves you now. That’s all he wanted from tonight…
And despite the sex being pretty vanilla compared to what you usually do, Jesus fuck, that was the best sex he’s ever had.
As he attempts to kiss all of your tears away, he starts whispering the sweetest shit to you, even as he continues crying.
“My baby…”
Kiss.
“My love…”
Kiss.
“My pretty girl…”
Kiss.
“My angel…”
Kiss.
“My heart…”
Kiss.
“My soul…”
Kiss.
“My fucking everything…”
Kiss, kiss, kiss.
Fuck, it makes you swoon hearing all of those sweet words. Not sweet nothings, but sweet declarations. Pure truth. You are and have been his everything despite how fucked up it all is.
You always will be. Fucking always.
You cry a bit harder, nearly blubbering now. He keeps crying, too, not quite as hard as you because he doesn’t want this to be harder for you than it already is… but he knows the moment he leaves you in the morning, he will cry twice as hard.
You realize you’re still clinging to him; there are definitely going to be red marks all over his back. Your legs are still wrapped around his waist, keeping him buried inside of you because that’s where you swear he belongs. He would agree with you.
But you remove your hands from his back and bring them to cup his face, and you feel so fucking drained from the intense sex and crying and the entire goddamn rollercoaster of today… but you don’t want it to end. Fuck, you’re so afraid for it to end.
You place a soft kiss on his lips, “I love you. I really do. Always have, always will, forever and ever…”
He smiles sadly down at you, nods. Because he knows. He never once doubted how much you loved him; every single time he was with you, he felt your love. Even when you were mad at him, you made him feel loved. He wishes so badly that he could’ve made you feel as secure as you made him feel.
You will never know how utterly thankful for you he is.
“I know baby, I know…”
You let out another choked sob and bury your face in his neck. He lifts himself off of you slightly, and he moves himself so that he’s lying beside you instead of on top of you. You cling to him again, refuse to let him go. Can’t. Won’t. Don’t want to. Can’t fucking bear it.
He gently slips his cock out of you and then wraps his arms around you, one hand coming to cup the back of your head and stroke his fingers through your hair, the other rubbing your back soothingly.
You cry and cry and cry. It’s pitiful how hard you’re crying; if anyone saw you right now, they’d be certain someone had died. It really feels that way, as if he’s dying while holding you right now. He feels like he’s dying watching you crumble like this, but he doesn’t dare stop you.
He doesn’t even reassure you because all that would do is give you false hope for something that may not happen ever again. For all you know, after this, you will never cross paths. He may just become a ghost to you…
A flower that bloomed in the spring and died come winter.
There were so many things you wanted to do tonight. You wanted to shower together, wash his hair for him, show him how to bake those cookies you know he loves, stay up and talk about a bunch of pointless shit, rewatch your favorite movies together, fuck a few more times, choke on his dick one last time, kiss him and touch him all over all night. So so so much more.
You didn’t want to stop here. You wanted to stay awake and savor every last second together just as greedily as him. But god, as you sob in his arms, you feel yourself growing so heavy with exhaustion that you can’t keep your eyes open.
“Don’t let me fall asleep, Koo, make me stay awake…”
He buries his face in your hair, his tears making wet patches in your strands. He inhales deeply just to get another whiff of your shampoo, fuck, he needs to figure out which one it is before he leaves so he can buy it and use it. Doesn’t even care if it’s weird. Wants to smell like you. Wants to be surrounded by reminders of you forever.
Like you, he’s been crying this whole time but so quiet that you don’t even realize it. He made sure you wouldn’t realize it. This is your time to get comfort from him, he can’t offer you reassurance, but he damn sure can comfort you through the pain that is his fault.
“Rest, baby… I’m here…”
You shake your head at him, keep your face buried in his neck even as your eyes start to lull shut.
“No, slap me, keep me awake… don’t wanna… sleep… please…”
He can feel your body start to go limp, can feel your tears running down his neck. He knows you’ll be out cold soon. You were fighting a battle you just couldn’t win, and god he wishes he could keep you awake. But he knows you’re emotionally overloaded right now…
And maybe if you fall asleep in his arms, you’ll rest peacefully for tonight. You deserve that, he thinks. You deserve so much peace and happiness.
“It’s ok Y/N… I got you. Just sleep. My baby needs rest, hm?”
You try so fucking hard to respond. But he’s right; you’re fighting a losing battle. Your body can’t keep up with your brain to the point you’re slurring your words. Maybe it’s the after-effects of a fight or flight response because it really felt like you were fighting for your love when making love tonight… fighting to keep hold of his roots as they slowly became untwined from yours. And now, you’re simply too tired.
“I… I love you… so… much…”
He lets out a shaky breath and closes his eyes. Holds you a little tighter. Because, fuck, your last words before lulling into a deep sleep were that you loved him. It’s as it should be, but for some reason, it wrecks him, knowing that this is the last time he will hear them.
When your breathing evens out, he pulls back, stares at you. Your brows are furrowed even in sleep, clearly troubled. But you don’t stir and your grip on him loosens. You are so fucking beautiful. He wishes so badly he could just stay like this, watching you rest, in your arms while you’re in his.
Holding each other, as if you’re both one person instead of two.
He knows he won’t sleep tonight. He’s just as overwhelmed as you, but instead of his body shutting down, his adrenaline has spiked. He’s dreading leaving this bed, dreading leaving you.
He stares for an almost pathetic amount of time. Just lays beside you and takes in every soft detail of your face, traces his fingertips over your features. He finds himself wondering, what if he married you instead? What if you met sooner? What if you lived with him and had his babies one day?
What if… he left his wife?
He has to stop himself there. He makes a pained noise and buries his face in your hair again because he knows he can’t think like that. He could leave his wife; he probably should, but he feels like he owes her his life, his devotion. He married her, for fucks sake.
And even if he did leave, he doubts you’d ever be capable of having a healthy and stable relationship. People in these situations rarely do; it’s a form of karma, he thinks. Husbands who cheat and marry their mistresses often get cheated on, or they end up do it again.
He swears, fucking swears on his life that he would never do that to you. But he knows you probably wouldn’t trust him; any woman in your situation wouldn’t. You’d always be left wondering if he’d turn around and do the same to you one day.
Oh, Jungkook, how badly you’ve fucked up…
He has no idea how much time has passed by the time he checks the little alarm clock on your bedside table. He honestly can’t recall when he got here or what time ‘one more night’ started, but as of now, it’s 5 am.
He wants to stay. Wants to fall asleep holding you, wake up and make you breakfast, draw you a cozy bath and massage your back for you… wants to treat you as a lover would.
But he knows that if he doesn’t leave soon, he won’t leave at all. The moment you open your eyes, he will beg again. He will cry and beg and plead for you to change your mind.
Which is way too selfish, considering he’s still a coward, still unwilling to leave his wife both out of fear and knowing the reality of what happens once he does.
So he places one last kiss on your forehead, breathes you in one last time, and then quietly extracts himself from your hold. Standing up and getting off the bed, he looks down at you.
He swears he can see the exact place you keep his stolen heart inside of you. He doesn’t want it anymore, it’s yours. Always will be.
He slowly starts dressing himself again with robotic-like motions. He isn’t crying anymore; he feels kind of numb at this point, or maybe his tears have just run out.
Acceptance? Or the calm before the storm? He isn’t sure.
He doesn’t bother taking a shower; can’t be bothered right now even if he smells like sex… smells like your sex specifically. He can blame it on being lazy, but he knows it’s because he wants your smell to linger a bit longer. He will shower later.
Once fully dressed he pads his way into the living room, grabs the bag full of stuff he packed for you. He takes it back into your bedroom and sits it at the end of the bed.
He carefully collects each Polaroid he took of you for himself and stuffs them in his wallet for safekeeping. After nearly considering changing his mind and taking the camera greedily, he decides he’ll leave it for you, even though it was a gift you got him. He knows you love it, but also knows you’d never buy one for yourself. And if he’s being honest with himself, he doesn’t think he could ever use it again without thinking of you. It would feel wrong to use it without you.
So he sets that on the end of the bed. He opens the bag, carefully takes out the clothing he packed for you, folds them, and arranges them in a neat pile. Next, he takes out the box of Polaroids; he made sure to put a label on it before coming that said ‘For Y/N.’ He sets the box next to the clothes and then carefully places the chain he packed on top of the pile of clothes.
He wants to arrange it almost as a surprise, hoping it’ll feel more like a gift and not so much like a goodbye this way.
Now that the bag is empty, his intrusive thoughts return. He wants so badly to turn into a little thief and take some of your stuff, too. You would have gladly offered it to him, anything he wanted, but you’re asleep. And he can’t stay much longer.
His intrusive thoughts win, and he can’t find himself feeling too guilty.
So he reaches down and grabs the panties you had on earlier, the same panties that he sucked on like a damn popsicle, and he puts them in the bag.
He quietly makes his way into your bathroom, looks around for a moment until he finds exactly what he’s looking for: the star pimple patches. He takes them, noticing that they’re in a cute little case with a face on it. He knows you love these things; they make pimples feel less like some kind of imperfection. He loves them, too. They remind him of a time when you showered him with love.
You won’t miss them, he thinks again. Not as much as he’ll miss you.
He greedily holds onto them, looks around to see if there’s anything else he can steal. He sees your scarf hanging on the back of your bathroom door; it was the scarf you wore one of the first times he took you to dinner. It’s honestly kind of ugly; it’s a dark and muted plaid, but you loved it because of how soft and warm it is.
It smells very strongly of you.
It’s his now.
He takes the scarf and decides that’s enough. He’s greedy, but he’s not an actual thief. Maybe more like a rat. As much as he wants to steal your shampoo, he decides just to make a mental note of the name because he knows you'll need it to shower when you wake up.
He stuffs the patches and scarf into the same bag and stands before you on the bed. Fuck. He doesn’t want to go. He doesn’t want to leave you.
But now is the perfect time; you’re sleeping soundly, dead to the world. If he leaves like this, there will be no hysterical begging or crying from either party.
Still, he finds himself procrastinating. He decides to open the box of Polaroid photos he packed just to make sure none of the ones he kept for himself snuck their way in. They didn’t. He knows they didn’t. But never hurts to double-check.
He comes across one photo in particular… it was a photo he took one night after you both had some very intense sex. He rented a motel that night because he was in Busan for business, and of course, he dragged you along with him. Busan is his hometown, and his wife has always hated it. She was born and raised in Seoul and always claims Busan is too boring, not lively enough. She always refused to go with him, even if it was to visit his parents.
You, on the other hand, you were so fucking excited to go. You talked his ear off the entire ride there, and once you arrived, you were so interested in everything around you. It was so fucking sweet because you told him the reason you were so excited was because it was a part of him. He was born here, which makes the place sacred. It was dramatic, but god, it was precious.
After you guys fucked that night, you both showered together. You got out of the shower before him, and you snapped a few pictures with the Polaroid; he made sure to put those in the box for you. At some point after, you were lying in the bed watching some cartoon on the motel TV, and he was smoking a cigarette. He noticed a vivid handprint from where he was slapping your ass while fucking you from behind. It was the first time he wasn’t really concerned about it, but proud. Because in some fucked up way, he marked you, even if it was temporary. You were his, and even if you doubted it, he was yours.
It was the same feeling he got tonight when giving you those hickeys. Just a little reassurance that you belong to him.
He took the photo to kind of solidify the feeling, preserve it. It was very aesthetically pleasing. One of his favorites, he’s realizing. He almost wants to take this one.
But instead, he decides to leave it with you, and before he does so he grabs a pin from your desk and writes:
I won’t let you forget us
-Kook
It’s cryptic, he knows. Maybe it’s selfish to leave a message like that… but perhaps it’ll keep you open for him. Not that he expects you to wait for him to get his shit together, god never. But maybe you’ll allow him to check on you now and then, maybe you won’t block his number, maybe, just maybe, you’ll save a piece of your heart for him…
He sets the photo down on top of the pile of folded clothes and steps back. He looks at the clock again, sees that it’s now 5:50 am. He has no idea how time passed that quickly because it only felt like maybe ten minutes had passed. He must have been moving slowly; his brain must have realized how much he was fighting this inevitable end.
As he stares down at your sleeping form, he genuinely considers staying. Considers refusing to leave.
And that’s exactly why he chooses this moment to leave. He has to get the fuck out of here before he does something stupid.
He walks over to you once more, leans down, and places a kiss on your forehead, then your cheek, then your chin, and starts peppering your face with kisses all over again. His heart is pounding fast, and he has the urge to run. With one last kiss to your lips, he yanks himself away and grabs the bag now full of items that don’t belong to him.
He wants to take in your space one last time, wants to linger and look around because this has been his safe space for literal months. But he fucking can’t. He feels his resolve weakening quickly by the second and knows one more second here, and he won’t leave.
He quickly makes his way out of your apartment, is nearly panting as he walks out of your complex and down to his car. His hands are shaking, his heart is beating at a scary pace, and he starts to feel fucking sick.
He borderline throws the bag in his back seat, and then gets into his car quickly. His hands shake so severely that he fumbles with his keys as he starts the engine. The moment the car turns on, he’s peeling out of the parking lot.
It wasn’t acceptance. It was indeed the calm before the storm.
He’s never felt like this before. He feels nauseous and almost panicky as he drives robotically down the morning streets of Seoul. His breathing is coming in so fast he gets dizzy.
It all hits him at once. This is the end. FIN. Over.
He swears he feels his flower die at that very moment. It wasn’t uprooted and moved to another garden; someone fucking stepped on his fully bloomed Bearded Iris. One second he was thriving, flourishing, and now he’s fucking dead.
He doesn’t even recognize the sounds of his own choked sobs as he drives down the street. He can’t breathe. He can’t fucking see. He feels like he’s dying, truly, he almost considers calling for help because he feels so full of despair and grief.
But who would he call? His wife? That's a fucking joke. You? He can't call you anymore. He can't call his friends either because none of them know. He's on his fucking own now.
Nothing could have prepared him for what it feels like to grieve the death of a love who is still alive.
He ends up pulling into a random parking lot once he’s a safe distance from your apartment. He slams his palms on his steering wheel and just fucking bawls. Tears fog his eyes, and he sounds almost childish because of the force in which he’s crying.
He knew the day he lost you would be the day that that he died. And right now, he is dying for you.
It isn’t until 10 am that you stir awake. You instinctively reach for him, but your hands only find cold sheets, meaning he left a while ago…
You didn’t expect him to leave so soon. You expected to be able to wake up to him one last time, so you’re disappointed when you realize his clothes aren’t on the floor anymore, and you don’t hear the sounds of him awake and making coffee in the kitchen.
But you suppose that was a smart move. If he had stayed, it would have just made it harder for you both, most likely.
You feel oddly… numb. As of now, no sadness. The only thing you feel is almost like a little zap in your chest; it’s subtle, to the point you aren’t even sure if it’s really there.
It’s off. Somethings not quite right.
You ignore the weird hollow feeling as you sit up and stretch; you realize you never showered, and you smell heavily of sex. So you get out of bed, and you make your way into your bathroom. You start the shower after using the bathroom, and as you wait to warm it up, you look at yourself in the mirror.
Fuck.
You are literally littered with marks. Your neck, all the way down to your chest, all the way down to your thighs. Purple and pink love bites all over you. He seriously fucked you up.
You feel that zap again.
You shake your head and tear your eyes away from the mirror, don’t notice how your star patches are missing from your skincare tub on your bathroom counter yet. You step inside the shower and spend a good while letting the hot water wash over your body, washing the remnants of sex and sweat off of your skin.
After about half an hour, you step out. Dry off. Get dressed. That’s when you walk back into your bedroom and notice the pile of clothing sitting on your bed. Clothing that isn’t yours.
You slowly approach it and quickly recognize the strong scent lingering on it: his cologne. You unhurriedly pick up each piece of clothing, see the shirt and hoodie you often attempted to steal from him, accompanied by one of his favorite jackets.
He left pieces of himself for you.
Zap.
You set them aside and pick up the chain and photo. Fuck, you love his chains. You always loved them because, one, they’re fucking hot, and two, you loved how they would dangle above you when he was fucking you. You doubt he realized it, but sometimes you’d bite it as he was fucking you, tug on it like a damn dog playing with their favorite chew toy just to see if it would break. It never did, and you never stopped being fascinated with his jewelry.
Zap.
You look at the photo and immediately recall the memory. Busan, now one of your favorite places, all because of him. It was such a good little trip. You tried a lot of street food you never had before, saw a lot of pretty things, and he fucked you beautifully that night. It was rough, passionate, and he left hand prints on your ass, and much like him, you loved it. This was one of your favorites, for sure.
But then you read the note.
I won’t let you forget us.
Zap. Zap. Zap.
You drop the photo and the chain on top of the clothes, let out a shaky breathe. Still, you aren’t really feeling much, maybe a bit of nostalgia accompanying the zaps… but no despair, no yearning or grieving…
Calm before the storm.
You decide you need some coffee and painkillers. You have a lingering migraine from all of the wine and crying last night, so you leave your bedroom and make your way into the kitchen.
You start making your coffee and swallow the painkillers dry. You lean against the counter as your coffee brews, then freeze when you look at the floor.
The purple wild flower lays there, stepped on by he-who-shall-not-be-named’s boot. Wilted and destroyed, the petals disconnected from the stem.
The flower is dead.
And now you break.
Those zaps you were feeling, you suddenly understand. It was your fight or flight kicking in again, and instead of your brain responding to it, it blocked it out.
Can’t fight it now.
You drop to your knees, start breathing heavily because you feel like someone placed bricks on your chest. Your heart aches, literally, it hurts, it feels like it’s going to explode and you feel like you can’t breathe at all.
You start crying again… no- you’re fucking wailing. You’re crying out for the loss of your flower, for the death of a lover who isn’t even dead, much like Jungkook had earlier.
It finally hits you that he isn't coming back. He's gone, and now, you're expected to move on. Your heart aches for him. Without him, do you even have a heart?
No, you really don’t, not right now anyway. The moment he stepped out that door, he took it with him. He fucking stole your heart just like he stole your pimple patches and perfume.
All you can do is cry for him, except right now, you don’t have him to cling to for empty comfort. Instead, you reach for the dead wildflower, hold it in your palm, bring it to your chest, and cradle it close as if you can somehow bring it back to life.
Bring him back to you.
Little do you know, he’s currently curled up in his bed at his second apartment. He hasn’t stopped crying since he left. He went back home, took the stolen perfume, and sprayed it all over his damn bed, and now he’s hugging a pillow as if it’s you. Imagining that it’s you, that this is all just a horrible dream, and he will wake up soon.
Both of you are lovers, stars who collided, planets who aligned, flowers who grew side by side.
But it was at the wrong time. And now you’re paying the consequences of your paths crossing when they shouldn't have.
So far away in the matter of hours when you were once so close, yet you’re both doing the exact same thing; clinging to shreds of each other and wishing so fucking badly that things could be different.
Both of you left each other without returning your hearts. Both of your flowers got stepped on instead of uprooted and re-planted somewhere safer.
Spring has passed, no longer bees buzzing and flowers blooming, but the cold harsh winter is coming.
It will be a while before either of you bloom again, if at all.
#bts#jeon jungkook#jungkook fanfic#18+ only#bts fanfction#bts fanfic#bts imagines#bts smut#jungkook#jungkook angst#jungkook x y/n#jungkook x you#jungkook fluff#i love jungkook#jungkook x reader#jungkook smut#jungkook fanfiction
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Top Secret Fiction Ch. 4
Farmers Market
Katsuki Bakugou x Reader
Description: After meeting the one and only pro hero Dynamight on a dating app, you two begin to see each other. Because of the dangers that come with his hero work, you both promise to be completely honest with each other from the beginning; though you can't help but keep one big secret from him.
You write fan fiction, mostly about him.
Chapter Details: nothing crazy. another date, katsuki being sweet, reader uses their quirk
Word Count: 1.4k
previous chapter
It's been about two weeks since you went on your date with Bakugou and you haven't seen him since, unfortunately. But it was for good reason - his hero work.
Going into this, you knew he'd be extremely busy, but you didn't think he'd be this busy. But you could understand it. Though something you did appreciate was the fact that he did make time to talk to you on the phone and would let you know when he'd have to go hours without talking.
In these past two weeks you also thought about his serious talk with you, about honesty.
Guilt ate away at you every time you started writing or even thought about it, which made it harder to stay active on your writing account.
Your secret really wasn't that big of a deal, but it was still a secret. Fan fiction was also something that had a bad reputation among people who didn't read it, so who knows how Bakugou felt about it.
Your phone ringing broke you out of your thoughts.
Looking at the caller ID, you saw that it was Bakugou. Smiling, you answered it and said "Hi Bakugou!"
"Hey, you busy right now?" He asked.
You looked around your room, as if that'd give you an answer. "Uh no, why?"
"Good. Can you be ready in like - thirty minutes? I'm free for the rest of the day and I wanna hangout now that I actually have time."
How sweet.
"Yeah I'll be ready by then. Are we meeting somewhere?"
"No, I'm picking you up."
"'Kay, see you then. Bye!"
"Bye."
Hanging up, you squealed into your pillow and then looked at the time. It was only 3:00 pm, so you'd have to be ready by 3:30.
As you rushed to get ready you wondered where Bakugou was taking you. He didn't say you had to dress a certain way, so you went for a casual and comfortable outfit.
He didn't seem like the type to take you somewhere extravagant randomly, so you were sure it'd be somewhere that was pretty relaxed.
After getting ready you noticed you had a few minutes left to spare so you decided to go check on the plants you had around your home.
You had about three plants in your home, all of them ranging from different sizes and types. You didn't have many plants in your home because you already had many at your work place.
You attended to each of your plants needs after they had told you what it is they wanted. One wanted more sunlight, the other was thirsty, and one was just fine.
You looked at your phone to check if Bakugou had texted you, and luckily he did. He had sent a text saying he was outside waiting for you.
You smiled and slipped your shoes on, saying bye to Cheerios and your plants like you always did.
Sliding into the passenger seat you said, "Hey stranger. How've you been?"
He smiled lightly, "Sorry I haven't been able to see you. Work keeps me busy but I'm good, you?"
"I get it. I've been good too though. Has anything interesting happened at work?"
Bakugou brought a hand up to his jaw and stroked it while he thought. "Eh, nothing major. I did stop a bank robbery with Red Riot a few days ago though."
You gasped and turned to him, "A whole bank robbery? I feel like that's such a stereotypical situation... you know? Like, you just see it in movies all the time."
"I know, which is why people usually don't attempt to rob a whole bank" He laughed, "But clearly these guys were idiots."
You laughed at that. "I can't even imagine trying to rob a bank. I mean - where would you even start?
The two of you continued to talk on the way to your destination, which he actually told you about this time. He said that there was a farmers market happening nearby and he actually went there pretty often, so he thought he should invite you along with him which you thought was sweet.
When you arrived it was just as you expected and it seemed to be quite busy.
"Wow I can't believe I've never been here before! The decorations are so cute." You said in awe, once you both started walking around.
"You wanna go get food? There's this old dude that sells the best takoyaki at his stand." Bakugou said as you two walked through the crowd.
You nodded, "Yeah I'm down. Takoyaki sounds really good right now - oh and after can we stop at that stand?" You asked, pointing to a stand that was selling crocheted stuffed animals.
He nodded and then held out a hand, "So you don't get lost in the crowd."
Yeah right.
You smiled and grabbed his hand, letting him lead the way to the takoyaki stand. Once you got there you met the old man he mentioned and talked to him for a bit. You found out that he made the takoyaki himself and he'd been doing it for over thirty years!
When it came to paying, Bakugou kept insisting that he would pay for your food but you stood your ground and told him you were just fine paying for your own.
He grumbled about it for a while after but eventually got over it. You two then went over to the stand you mentioned earlier, and looked at the stuffed animals for sale.
"They're so cute! I think I'm gonna buy one." You said to Bakugou.
He hummed, "You should get that one." and pointed to a white jumbo bunny wearing pink overalls.
"You're so right." You said and placed your food down so you could grab the bunny and check for a price tag.
Your eyes widened at the price.
"This thing is sixty bucks!" You whispered to him.
"What? Lemme see." He said and grabbed the bunny from you to look at the tag. His eyebrows raised a bit at the price. "Tsk, I can make this shit myself."
"You crochet?" You asked.
"Sometimes..." He said and looked away.
You laughed and then grabbed the bunny back from him. "Well, I guess it's goodbye bunny. You're just too expensive." You said and sadly put the bunny back where it once was, making sure to grab your takoyaki.
"Wanna go sit under that tree?" You asked and pointed to a large tree with a bench underneath it.
Bakugou nodded and you began making your way over to the bench.
Once you got there you both continued to eat your food in a comfortable silence. Looking up at the tree, you used your quirk and listened.
"This tree has seen a lot of things." You smiled.
"Whaddya mean?" He asked around his food.
"My quirk. I just used it and listened to the tree. She said she's seen a lot of interesting things in this spot, good and bad." You said and listened some more, "Proposals are the most common."
Bakugou smiled, "The tree really said all that?"
"Yeah! Trees have such interesting stories because they've been around so long." You said excitedly.
He looked up at the tree, "I guess I never thought about it like that."
After some more talking and eating, Bakugou offered to throw away your trash for you, which you accepted. He told you to wait at the bench for him, so you did.
It was taking him a bit longer than you thought it would so you began to worry a bit. As you were biting your lip in thought, a touch on your shoulder made you jump.
"Didn't mean to scare ya."
You placed a hand on your chest, "Jeez! You walk so quietly I didn't hear anything."
Bakugou smirked, "Here, I got you something."
He handed you a large, brown paper bag and watched as you looked inside.
"The bunny!" You gasped and pulled it out of the bag. "But it was so expensive, why did you buy this?!"
He shrugged, "You wanted it, and I guess it's okay to look at."
You looked at the bunny intensely and rubbed its head.
"It's so cute... Thank you so much." You said.
"It's not problem, just make sure to name it after me." He joked.
You clicked your tongue and smacked him with the bunny.
...
You guys had ended up spending the rest of the day together, finally leaving the farmers market around 8:30 pm.
When Bakugou pulled up to your house, you hesitated before getting out.
"You good?" He asked.
"Yeah, um. Do you wanna come inside?" You asked quietly.
He smiled the widest you've ever seen him smile and said, "Yeah. Will your plants be okay with it?"
"Har har." You said while rolling your eyes and got out the car, leading him into your house.
authors note
sorry for the little cliff hanger :3
also, here's the bunny katsuki bought reader
taglist: @doumadono @54fangirl @andysdrafts @dagger-dragger @lovra974 @l4rsun1vrrse @emmab3mma @littlkittenfan @tatiquichi @cloudxluv @seonne @shonen-brainrot @the2ndl @gold24fish @cxp1d @rv19 @gina329
(those in pink couldn't be tagged)
#@angels-fantasy#fanfiction#fanfic#writers on tumblr#bakugou katsuki#my hero academia#bakugou x reader#topsecretfiction#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugou x you
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The White Raven (Bada Lee Gang AU)
Bada Lee x fem!reader
CW: nothing really tbh, mentions of gang-ish activities, Tatter is a lil asshole to reader, but we forgive her
AN: Thanks for yalls interest in my silly little writings, im so motivated
Chapter 3
Chapter 4 – I like being your hero, Bada.
She was like a book, that was open but written in a different language. You would have to learn the language, to decipher her.
“Thank you for saving me. We are even now.”
You came home after midnight. You had decided to get off a few bus stops earlier to take a walk, to free your head. Quietly you opened the front door and entered the apartment on tiptoes. You saw your mom sleeping on the couch, clutching to her phone. You looked at your phone and saw 17 missed calls from your mom.
“Sorry, mom.”, you whispered and gently took the phone out of her hand and put it on the living room table. Then you got the blanket out of your mom’s room and put it over her. She stirred but didn’t wake up.
When you got to your room, your little brother was sitting on your bed, still in his school uniform, that was stained with dirt and alcohol. He didn’t look up from his hands, as you sat down next to him, but you could see his tears falling.
“I didn’t tell her, but she knew.”, he choked up.
“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Let me deal with mom.”
“She is afraid you will go to prison.”
You hugged him. “I won’t. I struck a deal with them. How long has this been going on?”
“A few months…”
You grabbed his chin. “A few months? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“You and mom already do so much for me, I didn’t want to be a burden. So I decided to deal it with myself.”, he admitted.
You shook your head. “I have made you promise me just one thing.”
“To focus on school and you will deal with everything else.”, he sighed.
“Exactly. So do it.”, you said sternly, but then your gaze softened and you kissed his forehead. “Go to bed now, you have school tomorrow.”
With that he left to his room and went to sleep.
You on the other hand stayed put on your bed and looked outside, your mind went back to the almost kiss with Bada. That girl was trouble, so why did you want to spend time with her? You didn’t need more trouble. You should stay away from her.
Just when you finished that thought, your phone vibrated with a new message.
Bada: [Hope you got home safe.]
You: [I did. Thanks again. You were my hero today.]
Bada: [I’ll gladly be your hero again. Though I also hope you won’t get into trouble again.]
You: [You are trouble.]
Bada: [Can I be your hero when I am your trouble?]
You: [Are you flirting with me?]
Bada: [I would never…]
You huffed and just threw your phone to the side. You still didn’t know what Bada’s intentions were. She would pull you in just to push you away again.
You decided to go to bed then, only to wake up a few hours later, because of the front door falling shut. On your nightstand was a big bowl of fried rice and a home-made coffee, as well as a note.
I know you don’t want to worry me, so I will accept it, if you don’t want to talk about last night. I am grateful to have you as my daughter and you are an amazing sister to your brother. I know you know this, but I want to say it again: Please stay away from trouble as much as possible. I don’t know what I would do without you.
I love you,
Mom
Happily, you ate the fried rice and drank the coffee. Your eyes scanned the room and stopped at the mirror on the other side of the room. You were in dire need of a shower, but also you noticed what you were wearing. Bada’s Shirt. You would have to give it back, even though you kind of liked the way it looked on you.
You: [Good morning, Bada. I still have your shirt, can I drop by this evening and give it back?]
The reply came immediately.
Bada: [Hi! Yeah sure. I am home all day so you can come whenever.]
You: [Neat. I’ll wash it and come around 8pm?]
Bada: [Sounds good, see you later!]
You finally got up then and went to throw Bada’s shirt into the washing machine, before going to shower. Before going to your other daytime jobs, you browsed through the internet, to find a new job for the night. Having been fired from the convenience store, would cut in drastically, so you needed to find something new as soon as possible. Of course, the convenience store was also the one that paid the best out of all your jobs.
Shortly after 8pm you knocked at Bada’s door, but to your surprise Bada didn’t open the door, but another blonde girl. You recognized her as one of the girls that Bada often hung around with. She looked at you with a raised eyebrow.
“Who are you?”
“Is Bada there?”, you asked carefully.
“Depends on who is asking.”
Before you could answer, Bada showed up behind the girl. “Tatter you are scaring her.”
You were relieved to see her. “Hi, I brought your shirt.”
“Thank you, come in! Join us for a moment.”, Bada said.
“Are you sure? I would hate to intrude.”, you said, eying Tatter.
Bada just pulled you inside. Five other girls sat in Bada’s living room, chatting excitedly, and drinking beer. Tatter sat down with them again and all of the girls looked at you.
Bada put her hand on your back. “These are my girls, you met Tatter. The others are Lusher, Cheche, Minah, Soweon and Kyma. Girls, this is Y/N. The convenience store cashier I told you about, the one who beat up one of the twins.”
Lusher grinned. “Ahh, your hero girl?”
“Excuse me we are even, I saved her yesterday.”, Bada pouted and down sat with you, giving you a beer can.
“Really? From what?”, Cheche asked.
“I needed someone who would pick me up from the police station.”, you answered shyly.
“She beat up her brother’s bullies and got arrested for it.”, Bada added.
“Whaaaaat?”, the girls gasped.
“You are cool!”, Lushed grinned. “You really could be part of us.”
“Ah, no no. I don’t want any trouble really.”, you said blushing. “I am happy with my part time jobs… though I got fired from the convenience store.”
“Ah, that sucks.”, Bada said and rubbed your back.
“Getting money is hard, nowadays.”, Tatter said. “Legal work doesn’t pay well. And illegal work… is risky.”
“Like what? Selling drugs or robbery?”, you asked and drank your beer.
“Hypothetically, yes.”, Tatter said carefully.
“Hypothetically…”, you chuckled.
“Or getting back money, that other people owe to some of our friends and we get a commission.”, Bada explained.
“Yeah, like that idiot Shin Seonwoo…”, Kyma muttered.
Tatter immediately shut her up with an angry gaze, but you had heard her.
“Shin Seonwoo? That club owner? I know him.”, you said.
Bada looked at you. “You know him?”
You nodded. “Yeah, I used to go into his club a lot. And he always hit on me.”
“Ew disgusting…”, Minah shuddered.
Bada was silent for a moment, deep in thought, as the chatter died down.
“What are you thinking about?”, you asked and laid your hand on her arm, which made her head jerk up. The look in her eyes was undefinable.
“You need money?”, Bada asked you slowly.
You nodded slowly. “Obviously.”
“I’ll give you your monthly pay from the convenience store, for one hour of your time.”, she said.
“W-What? Bada I am not doing anything illegal. Not even for you.”, you gasped.
Bada shook her head and took your hands. “You wouldn’t be doing anything illegal.”
“What are you thinking about Bada?”, Tatter asked.
Bada kept her eyes on you. “I just need you to distract him. If he likes and trusts you, you are perfect for that. So that we can go into his office and get our money back.”
“And you’d pay me a monthly wage?”, you asked slowly.
The offer was working in your head. Bada nodded eagerly.
“It’s safe? What if he finds out I am distracting him for you?”
“He won’t, we will be in and out fast. And I will always protect you. I promise.”, Bada said.
“And just that? I don’t want to be part of all of this. This is a one-time thing?”
Bada nodded. “A one-time favour. I promise, no risk for you.”
You slowly nodded. The money would buy you some time to find a new job. It was just a one-time thing, with no risk attached. And you would help Bada, getting money back from a well-known asshole.
“Really? You’ll help us?”, Lusher asked excitedly.
“Thank you, thank you.”, Cheche said, beaming.
“Can I pick you up next Friday at 9pm? Do you have a nice party dress?”, Bada asked.
“Yeah, I know what he likes. Don’t worry. I’ll get him to talk to me and concentrate on me.”, you smiled.
“You are saving my day again.”, Bada grinned.
You winked. “I like being your hero, Bada.”
Chapter 5
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𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐘 𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒
hi friends ! i know i'm a bit late with my post but i still wanted to post something regardless . 2023 had been one of the hardest years of my life thus far outside of the rpc , and even in it to be honest . i lost some good friends but gained some too . i've gotten to know so many of you on a deeper level and bonded with a lot of you over shared interests . so many of you have been patient with me on this blog because of school and for that i am immensely thankful ; i know you all followed because of your interest to write and i do apologize for not being able to fully deliver that due to my busy schedule . however , i do want to allot some time this year to be better about my time management . i honestly can't wait to see what this year brings !
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐘𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐎 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡
@diaboelic : courtney . one of my best friends . i know i can write essays on why i am so happy to have you in my life but i promise i'll condense it . it's so crazy to me that we've been friends for almost two full years . it's wild because it honestly feels much longer . i know we're both busy making big moves and even if we don't talk every day i am always rooting for you . you're so down to earth and somehow understand how i'm feeling without me having to say it . please keep sending me fanart and spamming me with ig reels . i take forever to look at them sometimes but i love them !! also , im sorry you lost your streak in duolingo but i still think you're ahead of me by like 4 days everytime i do it . COURTNEY - SAN WA WATASHINO SUKINA HITORIDE ( i think this was right but probably not lmfao ) . i can't wait to hopefully explore japan with you . fingers crossed it's this year haha
@visionhcld : b , i will always write nice things about you no matter what . you've been my friend for like .... what .... this would be 6 years ?!!! GOD . you've seen the best and the worst . crazy to think that we made it !!!!! i love you so damn much and i am so lucky to have you in my life . i know we don't write a million active threads atm or talk every day like we used to , but i assure you it doesn't change our friendship . i love being able to pick up where we left off like nothing ever happened tbh . some people don't have that and tbh , i'm so fortunate to have found that with you . we have a ridiculous amount of inside jokes and years of history to pick apart but i leave you with one . jejota !!!
@fairesky : shado . we found each other through the funniest circumstances but i am so happy we did . you have been one of my closest friends these last two years and through you i met some other amazingly wonderful people ( cough leon cough ) . your kindness is immeasurable and i have truly learned so much from you because of it . you've taught me how to be nicer , how to be a better friend , how to care for others in a way i'd like to be treated , and just overall improved my life the last year with your presence . i love you so much and i'm really happy to have gotten to know you better over the course of 2023 . who else will i be an absolute simp with if not you haha
@iirath: essek , i know you're already aware but i am so damn happy to have gotten to know you better over the last year , even more so the last few months . i enjoy talking to you about life and getting to learn about who you are beyond the surface level . you're honestly SO tilt proof ( lmaoooo ) and surely never get mad when we play league . SURELY . thanks for speed running stardew valley with me and letting me run around not knowing what to do while you carry our farm to its greatest potential . you really have become one of my good friends and please know i always look forward to your good morning message in the server with the tired cat emoji haha
@shokutsus : LEON !!!!!!! ayaki will always reign supreme and have the best ship name . i will fight anyone who says otherwise . okay but let me just say i fucking love you dude . i know we haven't had a chance to have our tea talks on fortnite the last few months but i admit , those were some of my favorites . you've helped me through some really tough times and been there for me as a friend when i needed someone the most . i really enjoy thinking of the wildest plot lines for our characters while sleep deprived and playing fortnite ( tbh crackabella and anakin lore was big brained of us ) or discussing with kaine and courtney which part of the centipede we'd be . weird shit but i laugh typing it out lol . okay but fr i want this year to be the best one yet for you !! ps . send more pixel photos
@rosahope : fae , thank you for becoming one of my good friends this year . i'm so blessed to have met someone as grounded as you and i don't tell you enough . i know i'm too much sometimes and impulsive af , but you are my voice of reason and i appreciate it so damn much . you've helped me think outside the box and take things one step at a time . you're one of the realest people and i always welcome your honesty even if it's not something i may initially agree with . tbh i think that's what makes you such a good friends because you're transparent with me . i really am so happy for your big moves with your new job and i am always rooting for you no matter what !! you'll always be my chibiusa and my jessie <3
@prettyguardian : niniiiiiii . firstly , thank you for coming into my life and being such an amazing friend . i admire your tenacity , your creativity , your openness , your vulnerability . the list goes on . you've been there for me when i sought some direction in my life and for that i want to thank you . i know we have yet to write more aerti things but please know i will always gladly write them with you . you've helped me heal with ff . i know that sentence may sound silly at some level but it is a big thing . really !! your friendship has only added improvement within my life and i can't wait to see where it goes this year . sending you all the good vibes for 2024 !!
@cybrvce : light !!!! i'm so fortunate to have gotten to know you more over the last year and actually write with you . your characterization is truly amazing and i'm always impressed with everything you write . yes im slow as molasses but i promise it doesn't mean it's because i don't care !! i just want to write for you when i'm at my best because i want to give you quality writing !! thank you for being patient with me though . you're so kind <3 i'm genuinely so excited to start this year with your friendship !!
@deadn30n : LOOK HERE ALEXANDRA . YOU MADE IT ON THIS LIST BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST A GEM . i know we only recently became friends but in that short amount of time we bonded by playing league for like 5 hours straight lmfao . thank you for feeling comfortable enough to ask me for advice and direction though . it means a lot to me more than you know !! also i am here to write yone and kai'sa mutually fangirling/fanboying over each other . that thread is so cute and i am excited to see where it goes . ALSO I'M A NOOB AT XIV SO YOU'VE BEEN WARNED . heck im just bad at all video games lmao . but i look forward to playing them with you !!!!
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐈 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
i can't write about everyone , but i can sure as hell tag you all . please know that even if we haven't actively written it doesn't mean i don't want to . i still support you as a writer and creator and enjoy seeing you on my dash !! i have hopes that maybe we can write some day ! but i know we're all busy or overwhelmed with things outside of the rpc so there's obviously no rush . and if we have written or talked then please know that you have truly made my experience here something amazing . i was always a bit scared to come back to such a big fandom , but so many of you have welcomed me in writing ayaka and given me the opportunity to explore her more . so thank you <3
@zaihuos , @autymns , @wcvensouls , @enjomo , @todestochter , @yizao , @ungest , @raikuro , @tealsteel , @sourcewater , @dcndrohime , @rikyos , @nekasu , @meropidas , @scarletooyoroi , @viaetor , @abyssin , @crownlcsking , @raytm , @iedolon , @noctumsilenced , @noctuafought , @capravulpes , @liightbringr , @chiheru , @foliarlight , @mercyburned , @apocryphis , @anostos , @theoneandonii , @gonguji , @sinspast , @mellodiies , @pietys , @knghted , @dualisume , @artificeheart , @erabundus , @momijiba, @supportingfire , @cloudhymn , and honestly all of you .
#˚ ༘ ❅ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ ━━ ❆ ( 綾華 / ooc )#again in sorry if i missed anyone !!#i was rushing to post this before it hit jan 2 here lmao#im truly big fans of you all and hope this 2024 is off to a good start !!#may 2024 be kinder to everyone in the rpc#edit: so i couldn't tag a lot of blogs bc tumblr wouldn't let me so i actually had no choice but to condense it A LOT#ugh im sorry to anyone i left out !!!
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raph vs a volcano day 20
The 1987 episode plot:
Donatello's health scanner predicts Raphael has only 24 hours to live. Raphael goes around doing good deeds and taking ridiculous risks because he's gonna die anyway. Meanwhile Donatello figures out his machine didn't work right and means to tell Raphael, but you see he is distracted doing good deeds and taking ridiculous risks. It culminates with Raph inside an active volcano (trying to stop it from erupting? bro??) and his brothers have to come rescue him.
I love this episode. For so many reasons.
1) What an interesting way to give Raph his role while keeping him in character within the new role they gave him for this show. Because Mirage Raph is the guy who always wants to help without pausing to think about whether they can. He's known for sometimes being impulsive and always being protective. And not just of his fellow turtles! He sees someone in trouble he wants to help. But usually in Mirage that's expressed with violence. So for the show they made the "crazy one" express the same traits through sarcasm instead and he became the witty one, and I love how future Raphs are both. And I especially love when 1987 Raphael himself is both
2) This is such a classic plot. It's like... the tribbles spoof/tribute or 'character gets kidnapped but acts so annoying they get released.' You know the kinds of plots I mean right? Our style of storytelling has changed (it's always changing) but tv shows in late 80s early 90s especially had these. You could pretty much guess the plot from the title because you know the characters and you know the story. The exciting reveal is mostly the jokes. There are words for what I'm saying but I haven't had an english class in a few years, so take this ramble and trust me. It's a beautiful example of whatever this is. And!
---2a, It doesn't have the classic resolution that 'character thought they had one day to live due to a misunderstanding' would have on a kids show. There isn't a 'moral' about seizing the moment and using your time wisely. There also isn't a moral about communication, so instead of the miscommunication being annoying like it would in a preachy episode, it's gloriously hilarious to watch
3) Speaking of that, the obligatory 'he tried to ask' scene is Raphael watching Michelangelo cry on Donatello's shoulder because "I'll miss him so much" "I'm sorry there's nothing I can do for him" it's the oven. The oven is broken. Michelangelo is sobbing in Donatello's arms like his world is ending because they're going to have to get a new oven because this one's beyond fixing. And Raphael fully believes that Michelangelo is begging Donatello to fix him, when this version of Donatello is so very none medic. Like I don't even know how to describe why and how much I love this scene. I think I killed english
4) The scene of Raphael in the volcano. I just. He's so funny. This episode really captures what I love about the whole show, which is that I am absolutely buying into it and feeling deeply about it, and simultaneously enjoying it ironically. Does that make sense? When you can put your whole heart into unironic enjoyment but your brain at the same time gets it's 'make fun of this' treat. So both types of fun at once.
---4a it's not trying to fix the plot holes it's enjoying that in this format you don't have to. I feel like this is severely under utilized in modern cinema. make things not make sense on purpose for fun. don't explain about where they are, how they carried that object with them, why there were not other consequences for certain actions. The fun thing about stories is they don't have to be realistic unless you want them to
so for today I had intended to write a Rise version of this episode. I think it would work well for them. Plus, Raph and Donnie bonding. However. That is going in drafts and will be coming. later (march for raph is my opportunity to collect drafts for the rise turtles apparently.) I'm actually still debating if Donnie would make a health-o-meter or if something goes down in witch down, but either way, ❤️💜
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Ok Andy this had been on my mind for a while now and I really want to hear your thoughts on this!
So we all know that Shouto is pure husband material, the kinda guy you'd be proud to introduce to your parents! But yk all those years of abuse and trauma (our poor bby ;-;) would definitely take a big toll on anyone, right?! So I was reminiscing about the earlier episodes where he is all closed off and cold to everyone, and that really got me thinking... what would dating Shouto REALLY be like.
How much of his behavior in a relationship really be affected by his past? Obviously nobody is perfect and even though our princess man comes close what do you think his shortcomings are as a person/partner? What do you think his toxic traits would be? What could be some of his bad habits? How would he react during an argument? I used to hc that he would be really calm and passive but then I remembered this scene
Ofc us being his partner would change things, but he DOES lash out at times. The police officer hadn't yelled at them, he was just explaining what they did was wrong according to the law (which could be unfair but thats his job) and he straight up called him a slur 💀 (well yk in this society where so many ppl have animal related quirks it probably is a slur? Idk tho). He was sorry later but still. I was so shocked when I internalized the fact that Shouto does infact have quite a temper, even when he's not rude/ aggressive about it. It doesn't make him bad or anything because 9/10 times it's well warranted and I am just a pussy who doesn't handle other's anger well but yk...
WHO WOULD EXPECT A TEMPER FROM THIS LIL FACE?!
I am really wanna take his character and study him under a microscope and I am really interested to see your pov on this. Also don't feel inclined to agree with anything I said if you dont, I asked you precisely cuz I wanted a different way of looking at him from mine.
Btw none of this is to paint him as a bad person or partner because of a few shortcomings or his trauma. We all know he's too precious for that and that would be hypocritical of me especially since I have many of my habits and unhealthy ways of dealing with stuff that I dislike, but I also feel like he has so much angst potential in issues that aren't necessarily rooted in his family but moreso his own personality. Healing is often a "one step forward and three step back journey" and while I hate to watch him struggle, his perseverance gives me a lot of strength. Also obviously people change over the course of time and character development and all that, but we see even after the MASSIVE amounts of character development Bakugo has he still retains a lot of his previous qualities and obviously still struggles with a few things. I wonder if it's similar for Shouto. I wonder what he struggles with 🤔 (idk why I am scared but I don't want ppl to take these dumb sleepy thoughts of mine the wrong way yk lol)
I support my mans rights, his wrongs and everything in between :>
(p.s. I am so sleepy rn I don't even know if any of this is coherent cuz the points are flying all over the place but I hope you get a gist of what I am trying to ask. I love myself some sweet angst when it comes to all my blorbos but when I think of Shouto nothing obvious comes to mind. Also whenever I write even an ask or question like this my respect for writers keeps increasing tenfold! How do you guys write fics at like 4 am and it's still a masterpiece and I can barely string my thoughts together... )
Yes!!! I have so many thoughts about this, particularly as someone who also has daddy issues and a hot temper but actively works to be better as well lol.
I do think for the most part we've really seen Shouto move past who he was in those earlier episodes. That is not to say he still doesn't have those feelings, but he arguably manages them in a more regulated way. He has the temper but now he also has the tools and the perspective to better articulate himself.
I think generally Shouto would work hard to be calm and patient during an argument, but as with any human being, mistakes will be made and tempers will spike. I think during particularly bad arguments he'd get more closed off, like in those earlier episodes, would try to go off by himself so that he doesn't explode with that white-hot rage.
I do think, thankfully, that Shouto's ability to show empathy and compassion even in the middle of what we know are the most emotionally trying times of his life (the fights with Dabi), bodes well for his future ability to communicate and regulate himself on the whole. I do not see him as the kind of man who would yell or break things; I see him as the kind of man who now does everything in his power not to be like that.
And also with a face like that, would we not just let him win any argument anyway?? LOL
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Hii your blog is so inspiring and helpful ❤
I don't know if you already posted about this but I want advice :D
I'm studying the equivalent to High School in my country (two years only) and I'm trying to strive more. Lately I have realised that I never have free time. I spend the afternoons studying, then I have dinner with my parents, watch something on TV, go to sleep and at those hours I'm so tired that I don't have the energy to do anything else I enjoy. Meanwhile, I see my friends and others at my class going out, going to extracurriculars, getting things done faster...
I've always had the feeling that I only do the things I like during summer break.
I can't help but wonder how am I gonna do when I'm in collage (if I actually get there)!
I would like to ask you if you had any advice, or tips about managing time etc
Pd: sorry if this was too long, personal or if I made any gramatical mistakes lol
Hii, sorry it took me so long to answer! From what I heard, it sounds like so kind of burnout. I'm no expert on this topic, so I'm going to leave the links of the sources just in case! (x) (x)
One of main components it's exhaustation. Feeling tired all the time and having no energy. Not only it impacts the mental and physicial health, but the perfomance. This usually stems of being always "on", overwork culture/mentality, pressure (whether internal or external) and the dislike of the tasks. What I recommend is:
Actually rest. Do activities that make mentally rest or dont do any activity, just take some time for yourself. Listen to your favourite music, take a bath, do some breathing exercise. Relax. Here are some more mental rest activities.
Dont beat yourself for resting. A lot of times, we "rest" but it isnt actually rest, because instead of focusing on yourself you are worrying about not doing anything productive 24/7. That looks like rest, but it isnt, it is just more tiring. All the toxic productivity mentality has to go.
Schedule time to do nothing. Establish clear moments for resting.
Take breaks.
Prioritaze tasks. Yes, we all want to have everything done perfectly and complete, but sometimes that is just impossible. The best way to classify them in order is 1) urgent and important; 2) not urgent but important; 3) urgent but no important; and 4) not urgent not important.
Have a good sleep schedule.
Drink water and eat all your meals
Find a hobbie or something you are passionate or at least midly interested on. Something that fills you with joy and seek to. At the beggining it will feel like a waste of time, but once you find something, well, let's just say, try it.
Another thing is the mindset. Negative thinking is unmotivating and tiring. Switching to a more possitive mentality does wonders.There are a lot of ways to reframe negative thoughts, I'm not familiar with most of them so I cant really explain, but here is an article that explains on detail how to do it.
Even though exhaustation and mentality are key to feeling burn out, inefficiency also has an important role. There are millions of study methods, but not a single one works for every person. Maybe you use a "good" study technique, but it isnt the right one for you. I'd recommend trying new ways of studying you havent tried before, see if at least one works for you. I'm going to honest with you, I dont know a lot of methods, since i found the one that works with me I havent tried new ways, here is a list of study methods with explanations that I'm using to draft future posts. Here are the links for the posts are posted about blurting, feynman and pq4r, if any of those sound helpful.
SELF CARE!!!!! Self-care is so important. It's been a common theme in this post, but I will repeat it once more, take care of yourself.
If these are also helpful, I'll leave the links for previous posts about motivation to start, motivation in general, and a reward system for motivation. Not all the tips in those posts will work, actually, some of them may contradict with what I just said, but I posted them with a different situation in mind. Take the tips that will help you and ignore the ones you think will just make it worse.
Hope this helps and good luck!
#-jay#studyblr#study motivation#study#study aesthetic#study blog#studyspo#study-core-101#student#study community#studyinspo#study techniques#studying#study tips#study time#self care#burn out#mental health#studying tips#studying inspo#study methods#students#student life#asks#asks open#asks and answers#ask answered
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so i want (finally after months of this sitting in my drafts) to say some things about dana winters-drake, because she, along with jack and janet fascinate me. and i'm going to preface this and say: yes, i know she was created and written by terrible sexist writers, a lot of her more negative traits are because terrible sexist writers don't understand or care about how to write women and write them as laughably wtf, and none of what i'm saying means that i think she deserved her ultimate fate (she definitely did not, and i am mad about it). but! she is more complex than just a generic good mom and she has some really interesting negative characteristics to me. and i'm gonna put this under a read more, because this is probably going to get long
#1 dana as the worst physical therapist in the world:
so i'm going to start with my main point of contention(? i don't know, maybe not that strong) with her: her introduction. she's introduced as jack's physical therapist, and i will not lie, this comes very, very close to absolutely ruining her completely for me and the only reason is doesn't is because i'm aware of who created her, so it's not her fault. i'm am absolutely biased about this, i will admit it. i find this personally abhorrent on every level due to personal reasons, and there is no way anyone will ever convince me that this is not that bad. there is no situation in which dana is not a total monster for this. and i am correct about this. i promise you i can argue every "but" you have about it. i'm sorry. (unless, of course, your argument is 'but this is comics and we don't ascribe that much real life morality to comics', in which case: fair. that's true.)
because i want to make it clear: jack sucks, but dana is the one in the wrong here when it comes to them getting in a relationship. i see a lot of "but she was way younger than him" kind of framing her as an innocent young ingenue to jack's older, predatory ways and i'm over here like...that's not how this works at all.
because dana was the professional in the patient-provider relationship. jack shouldn't have been weird or flirty with her, absolutely, please don't harass your health care professionals (but it also tracks! a survey of physical therapists showed that 84% reported being sexually harassed at work from a patient during their career. so yes, of course jack, a man in his 40s-50s would absolutely try to flirt with his PT, 100%) but the thing is...there's nothing actually stopping jack from trying to flirt with his PT. it's annoying and he shouldn't, but there's no laws against it. dana is the one who has the moral, legal, and ethical obligation to maintain a solely professional relationship with jack (yes, even if she is younger than him-also, i promise you, she was at least 24-25 even being introduced in the 90s. at that time physical therapy was largely a master's program following a 4 year bachelor program. she has a fully developed frontal lobe. she's old enough to know her responsibilities. you don't graduate from school for physical therapy or any other rehabilitation job knowing anything but getting with a patient is the #1 no-no, go directly to jail, do not pass go, etc). she is the healthcare provider in this relationship. jack can flirt with her until the cows come home and it's her responsibility to shut him down every time.
because!! there's a little thing called a practice act. it governs what a licensed professional is and isn't allowed to do. and look, i found new jersey's. highlighted just for you. no amount of ~but they're in love~ will help here. no excuses dana!!
i just live in a world where she loses her license to practice after she gets together with jack, okay. like, tbf, she doesn't get shown actually going on dates with jack until after he can walk again in robin #15, but this is nowhere near at least 3 months after he's done with his rehab. like. it's heavily implied that their relationship basically started while she was actively treating him. like. is he even done with his rehab at this point? he mentions he's almost there wrt his walking so is she still his physical therapist? it's never made clear when she stops. dana starts sleeping with him a few issues after this, so god, i hope so.
anyways, even if she had waited three months after terminating their patient-provider relationship, there's various other reasons why her choosing to get together with jack at all after being his physical therapist is a little morally sus even if technically legal. because here's a list of things that dana would technically probably have access to/know about jack as her patient:
does jack have erectile dysfunction issues as a result of his neurologic damage from the poison? she has access to his medications, so she knows.
does jack have depression/other mental health issues from the loss of his wife/is he getting therapy/is he on anti-depressants? it's probably in his chart as a part of coordination of care. is that mental health stuff relevant to his care at all? in this case probably, given the fact that his quadriplegia is wrapped up in the incident that also murdered his wife.
has she worked with jack at all about modifying sexual positions on account of his impairments? pts will discuss this with patients if it's relevant to their care. they actually learn in school on how to educate patients with quadriplegia on how they might have to modify their intimacy with their partners in case it's relevant to care.
patients tend to confide in their PTs a lot. a lot. since they tend to see their rehab providers a lot more than other providers, patients are far more likely to confide a lot of really personal stuff to them because of the rapport/trust that builds between them over time. has jack cried over janet in his sessions with dana? has jack talked about his insecurities about how things will never be the same for him or his mobility and how that makes him feel? has he discussed his frustration at his progress or lack thereof? i cannot stress how much dana has probably gotten to know jack over the course of their rehab together, really sensitive stuff, and then to turn around and get into a relationship with a patient after having been entrusted with that sensitive information about them? would be extremely sus on the part of that provider. would you feel comfortable if that was your dad? you shouldn't.
like, this is fundamentally a very intimate and delicate patient case given everything that jack has been through. which makes it even more important that a clear line of professionalism is drawn and maintained. and dana didn't do that, clearly.
#2. dana prioritizes her position as jack's partner over her position tim's "mom"
now, i don't think this is a bad thing, necessarily! she is, after all, tim's step-mom and she made it clear from the beginning she had no intention of taking tim's mom's place. and she and tim do see each other as family and clearly care about each other. i think she's a very good step-mom, actually! she's willing to listen to tim and she tries to be a mediator between him and his dad/advocate for tim.
that being said, she almost always will capitulate to jack's position in the end. she might try to get jack to ease up, but she never really actively fights against jack's final decision on what to do with tim. remember the tv ripping out of the wall incident? in robin #45?
this happens after dana came in and talked to tim and said she'll talk to his dad about jack hearing out tim's side of the ariana story. she does, because jack comes in hoping to talk things out and when tim is ignoring him he does this lovely move. so what does this have to do with dana? well here's the thing: dana is still only dating jack at this point. she's not married to him, she can leave at any time. if she's over at their house, there's no way she missed this happening. did she wonder why jack came back from his talk with tim with tim's tv at all? did she shrug it off when she heard him start screaming at tim (remember, drake manor is big but it's not that big)? she clearly accepted that jack grounded tim for weeks after this. she's clearly not opposed to staying in a relationship with a man who would do this to his son. which says something about her. no matter how awful jack treats tim (in front of her even) she maintains a very harmonious relationship with the man and continues to want to be in a relationship with him, so as much as she might try to surface disapprove of jack's treatment of tim, in the end she'll shrug and accept it because she won't implode her relationship with jack over his treatment of tim. she definitely prioritizes her place as jack's partner. see robin #66, jack yelling at tim for running away back to gotham city right in front of dana. she's still not married to him!! this could be a deal breaker for her and it's not!!
here's her being clearly fine and going with jack on a vacation to blizzard central chicago, il right before the holidays in the dcu holiday bash iii.
here she is being more concerned about when jack is going to ask her to marry him when he's sending tim to boarding school as punishment for no man's land in robin #74:
like none of this is mutually exclusive with her being a pretty nice step-mom to tim. just that is she's okay and is a person who wants to be in a very good relationship with jack drake, she has to be someone who accepts jack's treatment of tim. she doesn't want to actually rock the boat with jack in a way that would actually jeopardize her relationship with him, as much as she tries to soften his treatment of tim.
she's clearly okay with jack just calling tim in robin #78 to tell him they're getting married. she's popping toasting to celebrate as he does this. she never said, hey jack, maybe we should tell tim in person?
#3. dana is kind of judgemental about tim's girlfriends in defense of tim/lowkey a little sexist and she's a fair representation of a republican woman.
now, this one is fair to ignore because it was written mainly by dixon and willingham, but also the sexist things she's said/implies about them is actually fairly realistic imo because the republican older women i know have said things along the vein of things dana has said. in robin #45 she says this weird thing about ariana
by saying she is implying that she knows that ariana is actually the one at fault for this entire mess and tim has to protect her reputation and saying that ariana would have a "reputation" if it came out that she was actually the one at fault. which. maybe in the 90s, but also this is a very old, conservative viewpoint on women so.
and then in robin #124 where she defaults to blaming stephanie for corrupting tim (also, she's like "jack we shouldn't do this" but then. like. doesn't actually fight him and stop him from doing this she let's him do this. then is like sigh, guess i'll make tim's favorite lasagna rather than actually fight and stop jack from doing this).
which yea, willingham. but given that dana has defaulted to defending tim over his girlfriends in the past re: ariana, i actually think it's quite in line for a more conservative woman like dana to be super nice to their son's girlfriends up until their son potentially looks bad and then immediately turning their backs on them because or the idea that their sons ~could never~. like. i hear the following things from conservative women at least 3x/week (paraphrased):
oh, well, girls you know. they're so much more drama than boys.
my boys were so easy, but my daughter? oh god, i can't even begin with her
girls are so catty. boys are so much easier to deal with.
my son has this girlfriend. i just. i. hmmm. i just don't know about her. she's. she's. she's okay, i guess. i have some concerns.
as for how i know she's a conservative woman? she's happily and harmoniously married to jack and she's a PT in bristol township. i am 110% certain she's a registered republican. with her moral ambiguity and slighy sexism she reads as a fairly realistic conservative to me.
anyways in conclusion, i think she's actually a lot more complex than just generic good step-mom! she has a lot of failures and negative characteristics that makes her more interesting to me than just good sainted woman who puts up with jack and tim. she has her own faults. we do have to remember that she had a very good relationship with jack and saw how he treated tim and was largely okay with it. maybe jack was someone she thought she could change. maybe she agreed with him on a lot of things. jack and dana have the harmonious relationship that fandom wants jack and janet (a very volatile and ultimately ill-matched relationship) to have had!
anyways here's one final panel from robin #100 of dana saying that tim could just get a job and help out with the family finances after jack lost the company that i couldn't think of where else to put it (like, she's probably joking. but clearly this is something both she and jack find funny to joke about.)
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Blog Name: Tmf Confessions Blog
Username: @tmf-confessions
Aliases: Freakblrs Beloved Canon Event
Type of Blog: Confessions Blog/Gimmick Blog
Date created: July/August of 2023
Reason Created: To give people a space to share their opinions of the show and the fandom
Last Active: 5/4/2024; still currently active
Identity: @strawberry-pretzels
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The Tmf-Confessions blog is one of the more iconic blogs on Freakblr. It has been used by almost everyone at least once and has remained very neutral in any instances of infighting on Freakblr.
It is, after all, a convenient way to politely air grievances and spread opinions. It is the first place many people in this fandom think to go to with their hot, cold, and luke-warm takes.
Over it's lengthy existence, people submitting confessions have sparked many inter-fandom controversies. Nothing so severe though, that it is worth making note. Most fighting was shut down through calm conversation and back-and-forth's on the confessions blog.
When asked about enemies, the confession blog simply responded, "i don't think this blog has any enemies cause it's a welcoming space for everyone frl."
A huge running joke of the confession blog is the idea of, "Rat's Laying Eggs." This begun when the Confession blog came back from a semi-long hiatus. They posted the following: "yall i died my bad. sorry guys my rat gave birth and laid two or three eggs."
This post sparked outrage amongst many of the confession blog followers. Freakblr Original user @creelby reblogged saying, "IM???????" Another Freakblr Original user, @cringelordofchaos similarly stated, "YOU'RE???????" Finally, Freakblr Original user @rextile sums up everyone's thoughts on the situation. Asking the important question of, "rats lay eggs????"
This one post led to several asks wondering about the state of the confession blog's rats. Led to multiple google searches about whether or not rat's can actually lay eggs. In the end it was determined that no. No they cannot. And the confession blog had been eating eggs from what they thought was a rat for months.
Eventually Freakblr Original user @sobeksewerrat posted this on their other alternate account, @andrew-the-drew-defender: "rat eggs should become a new inside joke on freakblr. We should make it a password or a secret code of sorts so we know who to gatekeep"
While many agreed and liked this idea, it never actually became a secret code. It did however remain an inside joke and led to the creation of the Freakblr discord server.
The confession blog's main account is @strawberry-pretzels. A Freakblr Original user. They post a wide variety of content there, including Music Freaks content.
When asked about blogs of note, they mentioned The Original Freakblr Seven, as well as any other blogs who'd submitted asks. Continuing their pattern of being a safe space for all on Freakblr.
The Tmf Confessions blog continues to post and be active, a bright spot in the lives of many Freakblr users. It inspires discourse and thoughtful discussion of the show. It keeps us entertained in the wait for new content. A pioneer of Freakblr, in my opinion.
And, when asked to sum up their time on Freakblr, this is what they had to say:
"Freakblr is many things. It's a group of 20 people joking around and telling stories. It's a space for so much interesting lore and fandom icebergs. It's a place where creativity and roleplay runs rampant. But above all, it is an amazing home with many memories, that I hope will be remembered even years later."
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FFS, Boston. And there you have my review of Only Friends Episode 5. See you next time.
No but seriously, what the heck? There was nothing subtle or sly this time round, Boston went straight for the jugular with Ray this episode *takes a breath* My poor baby just wanted to drink, get high and avoid his problems. Give my puppy-eyed, depressed, alcoholic cutie pie a break would ya?
Ramble mode activated. I start these with good intentions of having some sort of order to my thoughts but think with every episode I get even more random and all over the place lol. So I shall apologise to anybody reading this in advance.
Where to (try to) focus first? I guess Sand (and Ray) as he opened the episode for us. I like the idea of us and our heroes sharing the same 24 hours. We might not fill them the same way but the fact it’s the same for everyone, not an hour less or an hour more, everybody gets 24, I never thought about it that way. I kind of like it. I don’t really have a ranking for the characters other than Ray, who is currently sitting very pretty at the top. And I think… probably… Top earned himself his position down at the bottom (yes even Boston’s outburst this episode didn’t have me yeeting him into the deepest darkest pit - I hate his actions, but also kind of love it all going to shit - however, this is under the assumption that everything, somehow, will work out for Ray and Sand in the end. If not, then Boston, sorry, I’ll be going ‘This is Sparta’ on your ass and you’re plummeting to the darkest depths of the rankings). The other 4 main boys currently all sit in between Ray and Top, shuffling around depending on the day lol. But I digress, what I meant to say was OMG I love Sand. He earned himself a little best boy badge this episode. For the time being at least, he seems the most grounded and stable.
It was great to get to see into his life and his routines. I love that he allowed Ray to experience his world. And I think that it’s the sweetest thing ever that despite all his whining, Ray went along with everything Sand said so he could spend the day with him - ate his breakfast, got on the bike, played dress up, waited in the crowd to save their spot, let Sand treat him to a beer, sang karaoke. He took an interest. He didn’t poo-poo the secondhand clothes simply said they weren’t his thing. He asked about Sand’s dreams (Like does Ray actually have dreams of his own? The hostel was a dream Mew had FOR him and his future. Does a guy slowly killing himself with alcohol think to dream, hope, plan for a future?). He wanted to help with the ‘debt collectors’ (I think even Sand would be willing to accept Ray bailing him out if for the sake of his mum), asked about Sand’s mum, answered Sand’s question about his own mum (god the way Sand faltered pouring that drink as soon as Ray said how his mum died), and even right at the end offered to answer any questions Sand had about what Boston had said about Mew (The way Ray said ‘okay?’ and ‘Sand’🥺). The little steps Ray, actually both of them had taken were made meaningless when Boston revealed what he did. I hated seeing Ray go straight for the alcohol in order to cope with what had gone down. I just hope they weren’t pushed too many steps back.
That last scene in bed was heartbreaking. They had shared so many intimate moments across the day, and not just the tension between them at breakfast and in the changing room. Ray had gotten to meet Sand’s mom - I couldn’t with his little face when he mouthed ‘Happy birthday’ when they sang the second time, as if it was a whole new world. I would assume his birthdays when his mum was alive were vastly different considering her depression and drinking. The girl at the concert, the way she was introduced to show that Ray’s attention was truly on Sand. And the way Ray was hanging off Sand and leaning against him so easily at the party and… Sighs. The bubble bursts and we’re in bed and Sand is turning away from him, thinking there’s no way he can fit into Ray’s 24 hours, that he isn’t special enough to get his own ‘extra hour’, gah I wanted to cry. I mean Ray had made time for you that very day, Sand! Noooo. It doesn’t help First plays the sad and hurt puppy face so well. There was a lot going on, they’d been drinking so don’t blame Sand for being overwhelmed and thinking it easier to back off, just shut the conversation down, at least right then. Hearing about Top again, the fact Top’s with someone Ray loves probably brought up some unwanted memories of his ex, along with finding out Ray had been in love with Mew for years and he probably couldn’t see how he could possibly compete with that. And then we have Ray, who I don’t know if he’s in any way equipped or sober enough to be able to comfort Sand or express himself in that moment, so just says ‘Happy Birthday’ as it’s now after 1 am. What a way to start the day 😭
Speaking of Ray. He was never going to win to be honest when he said he and Sand were just friends. Granted they’ve been all touchy-feely, and flirty (Ray has been that way from the start - ‘light it for me’) but we’re not aware of them discussing anything beyond the initial ‘friends’ agreement. We don’t know if they’ve had sex again, if Sand had kept to his one time rule. I would assume so. Is it just kissing and making each other feel good? Or has it mostly been Ray going round, drinking, and passing out? At first, when Sand said about Ray wanting to hang with him again I thought he was referencing the music store date and Ray driving him about that day. But when they were getting wasted, he did say any more than this and he would have to start charging rent, which implies Ray’s been hanging out and staying over a few times, probably not wanting to be at home, alone, drowning his sorrows in the bathtub every night. If they’ve been in each other’s company that much, I can understand Sand getting ideas in his head.
But what was Ray supposed to do? Go against what he still considered Sand’s wishes? Friends was what was agreed. Even this episode, regarding his birthday Sand said, “Who are you to think you need to know.” Granted, he’s expressed stuff to his mum and it’s written on his face (especially for the audience) that he does think more about Ray. But as far as Ray’s concerned Sand’s drawn, and keeps redrawing, the line at friends, very flirty friends, but friends nonetheless, and are far from declaring themselves boyfriends (I suppose he could have added they were friends who’d had sex and hang out and Sand likes sticking his hand in his pants… yeah maybe not). It hurts that Sand was hurt by what Ray said, but I can’t really blame Ray for choosing to say they’re friends. If one or both are feeling a way about their ‘friends’ label, they really need to have a proper talk. And soon. Sand saying, ‘It’s nothing to do with him’ and that he’s not special hurt him, Ray and ME!! And next ep we probably get the “What are we to each other?” argument. *Takes a breath* If Boston hadn’t interfered maybe they could have started to figure something out. But nope, he stole away any progress they’d been making, at least for now.
Extra random Ray and Sand things.
1. Sand has some interesting t-shirts. I liked the Home Alone one he had on when cooking breakfast.
2. Ray saying he’s no Bruce Wayne *eyes dead parents* I mean, Ray’s halfway there. Oops 🫢
3. I actually think Ray (Khaotung) suited the tighter fitting t-shirts. The yellow actually looked good, but gotta say that bold pink one… nice.
4. Sand’s mum is an angel (a loud, crazy, pretending to be in trouble to surprise her baby boy for his birthday angel) She’s so friendly and would love for her to dote on Ray a little. BL gods please protect her.
5. That cookie eating scene in the party montage 🫠
6. Yo is a queen and deserves to be treated as such.
Okay. It was quite a Ray and Sand heavy episode so not sure I have as much to waffle on about for the others but here we go. Top and Mew next. I just… why does their relationship fill me with so much anxiety? Taken as stand alone encounters, they’re actually super cute. The little dates this episode were really nice. A cute little bike ride and Mew snuggling up to Top’s arm. Like, they have some really sweet moments… BUT… I just can’t get over the small controlling aspects within it. Like this episode Top continues to trouble me with first saying about swapping the project to his hotel, the small dig at Ray and Boston over their parts in the project, then the LASIK thing (and the fact Mew appears to have gone through with it based on the preview.) The blind dating restaurant, I mean it sounds a really cool idea, but again it put Mew in a vulnerable place. I mean Mew was literally in the dark this time rather than figuratively over the fact Top slept with Boston. Ponders. Am I supposed to feel this way? Is it just because I know more than Mew does? They just leave me uneasy.
So, Mew decided to sleep with Top. I’m a bit sad he had feelings that he had to, though I do think he’d maybe reached a point regardless where he had fallen for Top enough and built enough trust to want to do it. I had wondered if the attention Top was getting from other men was in part Mew’s paranoia, though it might have been happening, whether his imagination was heightened by that fear Top might get bored. Despite the uneasiness I get from them, I do believe there are genuine feelings between the two of them. Mew was looking so enamoured in the end section of the date, but again, was the way that Top was behaving just part of Mew’s imagination. From paranoia to embellishing the romance of the moment?
The fact Mew phoned Boston though? 💀If not for last episode he probably would have called Ray, but as it was Boston was the next bestie in line. I can’t blame him for calling, there’s no reason for him to think Boston is anything but a friend. We don’t know how long they’ve been friends. They’ve been together 4 yrs via the uni course, but did any of them know each other beforehand? Anything Boston has done that we know of against Mew has been behind the scenes. And him sleeping with multiple partners isn’t what makes him a bad person. Also he is the one who introduced Top into the group, the first to voice his ‘concern’ about Top’s track record, and he’d certainly be the one to encourage Mew, and support what Mew had pretty much already decided.
The build up was again a sweet moment, I liked the clumsy knocking of Mew’s legs on the couch *side eyes the fucking huge bed* and I’m glad Top went slow and treated Mew well. And they’ve exchanged ‘I love yous’ so everything will hurt that little bit more when shit hits the fan. I can’t wait lol.
And then we have Nick and Boston. I can’t decide if I should be sad for Nick or a little bit scared of him. I do feel for him thinking that if he changes himself into a Top clone, he’ll maybe get Boston to want him more. But also, like if this was a horror movie I feel like it’d be going the direction of Nick actually becoming Top and taking over his life lol. I did wonder if it was more for revenge purposes, make himself more appealing, lure Boston in and then get revenge, but it seems he’s still as infatuated as ever and I do feel bad for him. Despite his questionable actions, there is something sympathetic about Nick. Well, apart from the fact he keeps walking in and interrupting Ray and Sand’s quality time lol. God damn it, Nick.
The pool scene. I don’t know what Boston is playing at. Part of me is suspicious of whether he’s found the wiretap in his car already (I mean dropping that mention of someone with a video is a bit of a coincidence) so he’s doting on Nick a little more than usual, or is it a kind of rebound thing? So Top’s discarded him but at least Nick is sticking around. Or is he being genuine and he’s looking for a change? Boston, genuine? Hmmm. Seriously, this show gives me trust issues lol especially regarding Top, Nick and Boston’s characters. The other three, I feel they’re more straightforward and as of yet haven’t been shown to do anything with malicious intent. Ray fucks up but his intentions aren’t from a bad place. Everybody looking at each other at the pool though… Top having some weird look of disgust/unease while looking at Boston with Nick, Boston looking back at him, Nick watching Boston, and Mew in his own happy world where Nick is nice and cute and he and Boston should definitely date. What a mess.
As soon as Boston hung up the call from Mew we knew he was pissed. I’m proud of him being able to keep up his performance on the phone to Mew. Boston likes sex, has been advocating for Mew to lose his virginity, so there was no way Mew would expect him to say anything but go for it. Boston - Safe sex ambassador. There’s probably a part of him hoping Top does fuck Mew and dump him, but I believe what Top keeps telling Boston about being interested in Mew beyond that, and think Boston believes it too. From here it was a series of unfortunate events. Because of the call he sticks to Nick for longer and then bumps into Ray and then all hell breaks loose. The way Boston was watching Ray and Sand… I really want to know if there is a reason behind Boston seemingly not wanting to see either of his friends happy. Or is it really just the fact he’s an asshole? Not everybody has some deep meaningful backstory. Some people are just assholes. He was mad Top rejected him, mad Mew and Top were going to have sex and he took it out on Ray? Saw an easy target, maybe thought he could blame it all on alcohol and drugs in the morning? And Sand was collateral damage?
I kinda want there to be something more, like is it Mew or Ray or both he maybe has a problem with? When Top was complimenting Mew and calling him cute in glasses all the way back in episode 1, Boston’s eyes were on Ray and how he reacted. He poked at him by calling him a burden. Was he after fucking Top to mess with Mew in order to mess with Ray? It’s been 2 years since the kiss, no idea what’s been going on since then, but for Boston still to be in the friends group he couldn’t have done anything to the degree he did this episode, and certainly not this direct. Though I guess maybe he could have around Ray, as who’s to say Ray would even remember anything that went down if he got himself blackout drunk like he did in episode 1. Also some of what he said. Why is he so obsessed with the idea Mew and Ray slept together? He keeps saying it like it’s a fact. But I don’t see why Mew’s flashback would be a lie. So I can’t see anything having happened between them after Mew rejected Ray. And then Boston mentioning ‘two-timing’. Is that in reference to anything in particular, or just a way to say loving Mew but dating Sand would be equivalent to cheating/two-timing? And asking why Ray was getting angry??? Dude, you just ruined his night, brought up Mew, told him you took photos of a not traumatic, but a personal and vulnerable moment, and were ‘keeping track’ of him, said him and Mew slept together, and everybody’s emotions were heightened because of drink and drug cookies. Still in love or not, I’d be pissed off too. *Deep breath* It’s fine. Everything will be fine… totally fine… Right?
Random things.
1. Sand telling Boston (and Nick) to go to their room. I love Sand.
2. Nick, come on baby. Everybody be telling you Boston is trash. I know you think you love him but, you know, maybe it’s time to take a hint.
3. Boston, you little shit. It’s a good job you’re entertaining and the whole point of this show is about messy relationships lol.
4. Drake’s character is back?! Why do I get this weird feeling Nick’s gonna go along with something he doesn’t really want to… threesome??
5. Very 6 mains heavy this ep, so hoping to get a bit more of some of the side characters next week at uni and Mew’s party. Though if I’m honest, I was so engrossed in the main boys I didn’t miss them. I’m sorry okay lol.
6. Shit is going down next episode. Am I ready to see Ray getting punched by who up to now has been his one shining light in his shitty life? No 😭
Right, I need to stop lol. I was going off in all directions lol. It’s so hard to believe we’re coming up to the halfway point with next episode. So much has already happened.
Thank you if you read all that.
Can’t wait to see what’s next.
Previous rambles
Episode 4
Episode 3
Episode 2
Episode 1
#only friends series#only friends the series#only friends episode 5#firstkhaotung#firstkhao#sandray#forcebook#topmew#bostonnick#neomark#Ffs Boston#some people just want to watch the world burn
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i do wanna hear all you have to say about baxter and derek’s dlcs!! bc idk not to be a bitter bitch, but never fully understood baxter’s hold on everyone lmao, even prior to his dlc. but even after the dlc i was still kinda just like eh that felt both forced and kinda boring. derek on the other hand…. you’re right. easily the best dlc
AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH ANSWERING ASKS LMFAO (dw i love these please ask me more questions i love being asked questions on things esp this)
Sorry anon but this is a Long one cause this ended up being a thinkpiece
But yeah... Baxter is a weird character you are admittedly not Supposed to like from his introduction. His introduction was essentially a stranger flirting with you so it gives him the impression of a victorian fuckboy. And then you play cove's hang and boating and he's polite and friendly but definitely guarded. Which doesn't admittedly make me a ton excited for him initially because he doesn't allow us to get comfortable in his presence.
However when I got into OL as a whole, it was end of January 2022 and the wedding dlc came out not even a week or so later and I was so pleasantly surprised by how... Humble Baxter became in step 4. You might ask "what does that mean?" but essentially beyond his professional enthusiasm, Baxter actively seemed miserable with his life that didn't involve work from what we could tell in his dance lesson with the mc and you know what! That's actually a compelling plotline! That sold me far more on Baxter than anything step 3 beforehand did
Unfortunately, wedding DLC baxter before any revisions with the release of Baxter's dlc was the best Baxter's writing was going to get. What we got was a TON of Baxter monologuing at the mc and not an actual conversation between Baxter and the mc. There should have been way more points in the DLC where the mc should have interrupted him or done Something but the mc is so actively quiet that their silence is Palpable and that wouldn't be so damn bad if the mc wasn't the character we're playing as. We're just supposed to sit there and take a lot of the asshole behaviors Baxter exhibits in step 4 and then feel bad when he's in his pity party despite the fact he has done nothing but consistently step over his own boundaries with the mc. The whole dlc gets actively weirder if the mc is in a relationship with Cove btw, the platonic route with baxter is Awful and weird.
There's also the fact that step 4 Baxter seemingly is now super well adjusted to being working/ middle class when I know for a fact that the change from being super wealthy to dropping down a few classes when that wouldn't be the case. Baxter should have stayed a mess in the mornings in Step 4 but he cleans up quick. Certain quirks like that actively humanize him in a endearing way.
It seemed like the devs ironed out any of his nuances in favor for a more general easy to digest story that was also quicker to push out but the issue was that when they ironed out any nuances, they also ironed out what originally made Baxter soooo compelling in the first place.
There's no theme or narrative writing that you're supposed to take away from Baxter's story. Cove and Derek's story was about growing up; Cove's more particular theme was growing into himself as a person and being comfortable in his own body and Derek's story was about the consequences of grind culture and overworking yourself at such an early age and where do you go after you realize you pursued a fruitless goal since you were a Child.
Baxter's story should have been about self preservation after cutting off family that are actively awful and the errors of self isolating to the point where you hurt everyone else under the guise of "protecting yourself" but what we got was forced fluff.
TLDR; due to the devs wanting to push out his dlc fast enough, they glossed over so many aspects of Baxter that made Baxter interesting and what we got was just a watered down version of what Could have been.
#candy girl answers#baxter ward#and this isnt even going into the piss poor treatment of the side characters#and i hope that its clear that i Do like baxter and what could have been#but we got none of that and that makes me said cause baxter's story could have as easily been as powerful as derek!#but it wasnt and now i gotta sit here and make my own content
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Rating the NHL mascots - Part 2
Part 1 is here
Minnesota Wild
Nordy
What are you, Nordy? Officially, Nordy is a "wild animal" which is just SUPER helpful, Minnesota. Thanks. He's got a sweet face, though. I like the extra colouring that keeps him from being boring. I feel like he'd benefit from some sharp teeth though. Give the boy some ferocity. Assuming he's the kind of wild animal that can be ferocious? WHO FUCKIN' KNOWS???
Vibes: 7/10
Aesthetics: 9/10
Horror: 2/10
Fuckability: 6/10
Overall, 6/10. Could be better, but the inability to commit hurts Nordy's potential.
Buffalo Sabres
Sabretooth
I may not have much in this world, but one of the things that I do have is a degree in palaeontology. This goofy looking motherfucker is not an accurate sabretooth cat and I have decided to take that personally. This is a cartoon tiger with dental issues. This is Tony the Tiger's inbred cousin. He's not OK. At least he looks relatively kind, if a little concerned.
Vibes: 5/10
Aesthetics: 1/10
Horror: 1/10
Fuckability: 1/10
Overall, 2/10. Is it too much to ask for to have palaeontologically accurate mascots in 2023?
Nashville Predators
Gnash
Is this a joke? Am I a joke to you? ANOTHER sabre tooth cat? Jesus fucking christ. OK, this one isn't AS bad. It's not good, but it's not as bad as the last entry. Actual sabre teeth, a sculpted cat head, team colours can be forgiven for mascot purposes. The lower jaw is all wrong and the stripes are conjecture at best, but the overall effect doesn't fill me with the same blind rage as Buffalo's cat. Gnash is getting by on a loaded comparison. His name is pretty cool though.
Vibes: 6/10
Aesthetics: 4/10
Horror: 5/10
Fuckability: 3/10
Overall, 4.5/10. Literally skating through because Sabretooth is SO bad and SO fresh in my memory. Take the wins where you can, Gnash.
Florida Panthers
Stanley C. Panther
Florida somehow has two mascots? I'm going with Stanley, but please do be aware of, I assume, Matthew Tkachuk's best friend: Victor E. Rat.
Stanley, here, is a panther. Of course. And he's fine. Just fine. Another big cat, underwhelming design, pretty minimal costuming. He's got a reasonably characterful face. I feel like a good performer could make him work, but in still images he's lacklustre. Sorry, Stanley.
Vibes: 6/10
Aesthetics: 3/10
Horror: 3/10
Fuckability: 6/10
Overall, 4.5/10. Middling score for a middling mascot. Maybe I should have gone with Victor...
New York Islanders
Sparky the Dragon
Got myself tied in knots about this one because the Isles have made some attempts to move on from Sparky, it seems. There's an absolutely horrifying fisherman named Nyisles that I won't ever unsee. The NHL website says Sparky, though, so Sparky it is! He's a dragon! Look at his lil wings! Good teeth, bright colours, horns for holding. What's not to love? Literally nothing. Except the fact that he's mascot for the Isles... but that's not what we're doing here.
Vibes: 10/10
Aesthetics: 10/10
Horror: 4/10
Fuckability: 8/10
Overall, 8/10. He's a dragon! I love me a dragon! I don't care!
St Louis Blues
Louie
Louie, OK. Blue, OK. Wipe clean mouth? OK, I guess. Why a bear, though? And why such a pale blue? This thing must be a nightmare to keep clean. Good ear shape, kind face, not quite hitting the bear perfection that is Carlton but a decent effort. The muzzle really is throwing me as a weird design choice. Like, OK, it does make the face more visually interesting but it also just looks like Louie has a skin problem. Does he have mange? We simply don't know.
Vibes: 7/10
Aesthetics: 7/10
Horror: 3/10
Fuckability: 5/10
Overall, 5.5/10. Mostly because I'm concerned about his health. I don't want to catch mange.
Detroit Red Wings
Al the Octopus
Oh yeah, now we're talking. I actively hate this for a million reasons but it's so fucking insane that I also kind of love it! I do wish that Detroit fans would stop throwing octopuses onto the ice because that is no fate for a poor cephalopod. But look! It's a giant tentale monster! He looks MEAN! That's not just a guy in a bad fur suit! it's interesting and that's worth big points. I fully believe that Al would beat the shit out of me for no reason.
Vibes: 10/10
Aesthetics: 9/10
Horror: 9/10
Fuckability: 10/10
Overall, 9.5/10. Horrible, never stop.
Philidelphia Flyers
Gritty
Now, this is podracing! Gritty is how you do weird, undefined monster mascots properly. Gritty emerged following construction work at the Philidephia arena and is best described as a force for chaos. The eyes are wild, the energy is all over the place, the flow is spectacular, and the best part of Gritty's launch was the speed with which Philidelphia went from rejecting their new freak to declaring Gritty the new godking. Oh, you think Gritty is an ugly monster? Fuck you, we love them. Gritty is also undeniably a queer ally/icon/community leader? Hard to say exactly, but it's there. Immaculate vibes. Shame we can't say the same about everyone on the team...
Vibes: 10/10
Aesthetics: 10/10
Horror: 10/10
Fuckability: 10/10
Overall, 10/10. Gritty, hit me up. I have a short list of Flyers I need you to eat. Thanks, babe.
Ottawa Senators
Spartacat
Someone please get this lion a good haircare routine? Dear god, Spartacat. You leave the house looking like this? There's something almost endearing about how wet and pathetic this lion looks. He's just giving nothing. I want to nominate him for Queer Eye.
Vibes: 6/10
Aesthetics: 4/10
Horror: 2/10
Fuckability: 4/10
Overall, 4/10. Honestly, it's a pity fuck as well. Someone please help this lion.
Montreal Canadiens
Youppi!
What IS it? A man? Why is it so hairy? It might be a giant (lol) but that doesn't explain much at all. I HATE this. I think that's a fully body beard. You could shave that and maybe find just a normal man underneath. It's SO orange which just looks jarring with the Montreal colours. Bad. I would turn around and walk the other direction if I saw this on the street.
Vibes: 2/10
Aesthetic: 1/10
Horror: 8/10
Fuckability: 0/10
Overall, a generous 3/10. Please never make me look at Youppi! again.
Vancouver Canucks
Fin the Whale
They anthropomorphised a whale. That feels like it should be a crime. Certainly the way they've gone about it is. Fin loses points for having his dorsal fin on the back of his head and not, y'know, his actual back. He also appears to have no tail which is a real shame. Tails are a great design choice in almost every situation. I do like the sharp teeth and red tongue, though. Very suggestive. This feels like a missed opportunity. Fin could have been a lot better but they took the easy path instead of the interesting one. Boo you, Canucks design team.
Vibes: 7/10
Aesthetics: 4/10
Horror: 5/10
Fuckability: 6/10
Overall, 5.5/10. I really wanted to like this more. I'm going to think about Ethan Bear for a minute to cheer myself up.
San Jose Skarks
S J Sharkie
No points for originality on the name, but for literally everything I just said about Fin? Sharkie gets it right. His dorsal fin is in the right place, he has shark elements beyond his head with those little elbow fins. Clear evidence that it's possible to make a weird sea creature/man hybrid without being boring AF. The head is a weird shape, but I'm feeling too much goodwill towards Sharkie right now to really mind. Nice teeth, too. I would have loved to have seen rows of teeth, maybe with some missing for a real hockey feel.
Vibes: 8/10
Aesthetics: 8/10
Horror: 6/10
Fuckability: 8/10
Overall, 7.5/10. A good score for a very smooth boy. Smooth in every direction.
Arizona Coyotes
Howler the Coyote
Hims feets too big for hims gotdamn shoes! I haven't ever actually seen a coyote before, so I had to go looking for a comparison. Conclusion? Why is his face so wide? I do like the very pointy nose, though. We've seen too many soft faced predators, this boy has a SNOUT. Got some lil teefies too, I like that. And a tail. I keep coming back to the feet busting out of the shoes though, like some teen wolf knock off. I kinda love it.
Vibes: 9/10
Aesthetics: 8/10
Horror: 4/10
Fuckability: 8/10
Overall, 7/10. Very good showing for a pointy faced doggo who needs new shoes.
Columbus Blue Jackets
Stinger
Help. Serously, please help me. Look at this thing. It's a bug, meant to be a play on blue jackets/yellow jackets. But I don't know what a yellow jacket is so any cleverness is kind of lost on me. This is HORRIBLE. They really went all in on making this unpleasant and I can applaud that, even as I hate it viscerally. And I do. The eyes, the butt, the rictus grin, the colour... It is offensive to mine eyeballs. I love it. One note, they should have given it another set of limbs.
Vibes: 1/10
Aesthetics: 10/10
Horror: 8/10
Fuckability: 0/10
Overall, 5/10. Awful. I can't look away.
Honourable mention to Boomer, the other Blue Jackets mascot who is just an anthropomorphic cannon. Great moustache. I wonder if Johnny Gaudreau is afraid of it.
Anaheim Ducks
Wild Wing
I do not believe that Wild Wing's designer had ever seen a duck. I'm not sure that the person who described duck to the designer or Wild Wing had ever seen a duck either. I think the description of a duck may have passed through as many as 15 people who had never seen a duck before reaching Wild Wing's designer. Oh Holly, you're so harsh. It's a duck in a hockey mask. OK, so they hadn't seen a modern hockey mask either. I like the mean expression, somehow through a mask, the Donald Duck-esque nudity, and the feet design. Almost a horse-sized duck.
Vibes: 7/10
Aesthetics: 6/10
Horror: 5/10
Fuckability: 4/10
Overall, 5.5/10. You're no good, duck. You'll never be shit. You're just like your father.
Chicago Bad Team
Tommy Hawk
That's a turkey.
Vibes: 0/10
Aesthetics: 0/10
Horror: 0/10
Fuckability: 0/10
0/10. Boo.
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While Rain Code is a great game, I’ll admit….I’m not sure if I can recommend it to a lot of people who haven’t played DR or doesn’t like DR in general?
I think the best way to go about introducing Rain Code to anyone who hasn't played Danganronpa, yet shows interest, is to play through the Danganronpa trilogy first before playing Rain Code in order for the blood plot twist to have a lot more impact. That revelation isn't anywhere near as impactful as it is without the taught acceptance of the pink blood being natural. It's easy to tell that this specific plot point was written for people who've played Dangan (it might even classify as an unconventional type of fanservice), so having that background knowledge can enhance the experience in that regard.
It's a much harder sell for people who dislike Danganronpa to be introduced to Rain Code. If they don't like Kodaka's writing, there's a decent chance they also won't like his writing here. Rain Code shines brightest with its characters and their dynamics, it's probably the game's greatest feat along with the voice acting and soundtrack. So if nothing else, it's worth attesting to that as the main selling point. I think it's at least worth letting people give it a try. There are plenty of playthroughs out there for people to give it a watch, and if they don't like it, there's no harm in stopping. I can see how chapter 0 could cause people to turn away from it, as it basically pulls a 'Kaede' by killing off characters that are presented to have potential arcs. However, from what I've seen, chapter 0 functions as shock value to those who followed the game during pre-release. But to those who haven't been familiar with the game and its characters at that time, they may actually not be as turned off by it. But that's just a theory, a GAYME THEORY!
Sorry.
Anyway, overall, I personally think it's best to showcase Rain Code with the notion that it definitely isn't everyone's cup of tea and is meant for a pretty niche audience of people who enjoy these types of wacky murder mystery games. I would say to tell them that chapter 4 is what makes going through a majority or all of the game worth it, but ya don't want to sour that experience if they never get attached to the characters. Chapter 4 is the best mystery in the game by a long shot, but it's even better if the player is actively attached and cares for the characters. Spread the good word of Rain Code's highs while remaining aware of its lows.
#me being me id say its worth it entirely for yakou being one of kodaka's best characters#if not THE best#but that's coming from the blog named 'yakool-foolio' so take that as ya will#master detective archives: rain code#rain code#rain code spoilers
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TDP Book 5: Water
So this apparently dropped almost a week earlier than what was announced and I binged all of it at once as usual. Since I only just finished it I can’t quite tell if I like it better or worse than previous seasons (for summary: I loved the first 2 because it looked like they were heading somewhere really interesting, I hated season 3 because it completely dropped the ball and season 4 was starting to head back in the right direction). I feel like I should write a few things down to sort them out. Lots of spoilers below.
I think it was the right decision to split the party up more than they were last season because it no longer feels like Ezran is just hanging around for the sake of it and gives Rayla and Callum more time to interact and rebuild their relationship. I still don’t care one iota about said relationship because they are boring MC-shipping, but at least it doesn’t feel like it is actively eating up others’ screen-time.
The detour to Lux Aurea feel superfluous. It is very disconnected from the other subplot involving Karim and Kim’dael and the one lasting consequence (Zubeia’s wound) is apparently healed by the end of the season with absolutely no input from the main cast. Obviously this is setup for next season and this mysterious mushroom-mage but I can’t help but feel that there had to be a more convenient way to get there.
As usual, Claudia remains the very best part of the show and I will not hear a bad word about her. Her worry for Viren is so absolutely palpable it hurts and for once I think they dodged all the pitfalls of framing it as a sin. Having Terry around proves to be the best change to the show as a whole since the timeskip and he keeps being a positive influence on Claudia without being judgemental about it.
This also makes it pretty jarring when we get to Claudia’s final confrontation with the gang and after a full season of humanizing her and proving that she will listen to reason instead of going for the kill, she goes into full villain-mode from the start with crazy ranting and “I will destroy you all” speeches. All so that the gang can feel uncomplicated in dealing out the most graphic violence in the show so far. I used to joke that I would be ok with Claudia reducing elven cities to ash, I now think I would be fine with her ripping out Ezran’s spine while making Callum watch. As a treat.
Side-note: I am very ok with the trend of Claudia transforming into monster-ladies for big fights.
Please keep that up.
Viren also continues his positive development from last season, but unfortunately it is the exact kind of “redemption” I didn’t want for him and Claudia. The kind where it is all about him agreeing with everyone else that everything he ever does sucks and that dark magic is unambiguously evil. Sorry to people who like this development but I don’t see a lot of moral complexity in doing a 180.
Callum actually has a pretty interesting arc this season. After being convinced last season that it was his curiosity that would make him susceptible to Aaravos’ influence it instead draws direct parallells between him and Claudia by having love for his friends and especially Rayla be the reason he breaks his own moral code. It still relies heavily on the show’s nonsensical policy on dark magic for his guilt to make sense but it is something.
Unfortunately the show seems committed to its policy of character-centric morality. Ezran can make a speech to Callum about how they should focus on containing Aaravos instead of killing him because violence should be a last resort, and yet make no attempt at anything but violence when stopping Claudia.
Overall I just find it ironic how a book called “Ocean” manages to drive home how shallow this whole show is. It paints its main thesis on its forehead but has absolutely nothing of interest to say about it. “It is bad to do bad things for good reasons”. No shit Sherlock. Come back when you actually have something to say about what makes something bad in the first place or how to deal with the things that made someone think the bad thing was necessary.
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Tang and Scorpion Demon friendship headcanons? Please?
Hell yessss
* Scorpion Demoness LOVES to listen Tang’s stories, both of old legends and of his adventures. He may or may not make himself sound more heroic than he actually was, and she may or may not know that he is. She lets him do it anyways; he’s having fun, so why ruin it for him?
* (THIS IS WHAT I MADE BEFORE THE WHOLE SEASON 4 BEING RELEASED FIASCO HAPPENED SO UHH. SORRY FOR THE EXTRA DELAY??? ANYWAYS CONTINUING ON!)
* I think she’s also a bit of a foodie herself, so they really bond over good food. And therefore a lot of their hang outs either end or start at Pigsy’s! (She sometimes feels like the third wheel when it’s her and Tang that are meant to be hanging out bc of him and Pigsy bicker-flirting; she gets back at him tho by gushing over Spider Queen)
* I think she’s super strong. Like so strong she doesn’t even realize her own strength. They pass by the arcade Mei and MK like to play in and decide to try a couple games, one being a test of strength type game. She breaks it the second she touches it. They immediately run away from the crime scene
* Bc I am incapable of not including my ships in some way: Double dates! The first one is always as hell bc. Well. Spider Queen not only flirted with Pigsy (and Tang but that did Not work), but also kinda maybe planned on eating them? Haha, it’s okay she’s past that now! Doesn’t mean she won’t tease them a bit and mumble something like “This would taste better with some mortal blood mixed in” as she sips on her drink, side eyeing the scholar and pig man. Meanwhile Scorpion Demoness is just clung to her arm and when she asks “What was that, sweetie?” (Unaware), SQ just smiles sweetly and says “Nothing~!”
* Tang: Really? Spider Queen? Sure she’s pretty (from an aesthetic point not romantic of course), but she’s evil!No offense but you can do better! SD: … A Pigman- Tang: HES AN AMAZING COOK AND A KIND MAN!!! HE IS ALSO A LOVING (while strict!) FATHER!!! HE’S A DILF SCORPS-! SD: Augh, no, Tangy!! Don’t call him that! Tang: A /DILF/!!!!!!!!
* Now this kind of doesn’t work with most of my headcanons but the scenario is in my head now so: They wingman for each other but by trying to make their respective crushes jealous; SD gushes about Tang like she’s interested in him around/to Pigsy and vice versa. This backfires in the sense that they do get jealous but now SD is banned from Pigsy’s and Tang almost gets eaten again
* They have a book club that’s just the two of them at first but she convives Tang to let Yin, Jin, the purple demon lady (idk what we call her), and the… Little guy… forgot what he’s called, join them! It is the most chaotic and rowdy book club there has ever been
* SD always wanted to have a cliche sleepover and Tang is more than happy to indulge her. They paint each others nails (neither are very good at it; SD is a margin better tho and gets better over time. Tang does not), do face masks and play games like MASH. SD maybe suggests doing a spooky activity like chanting Bloody Mary 3 times in the bathroom. Tang maybe has a heart attack when supernatural stuff actually starts happening. They maybe have to call MK and Mei to save them from said supernatural stuff. They talk about their crushes, oooh~
#lego monkie kid#lmk headcanon#lmk scorpion demoness#lmk tang#lmk spider queen#lmk pigsy#maybe SQ and Pigsy become sorta friends bc of their SOs being besties who knows???#freenoodleshipping#lmk freenoodles#venomqueenshipping#sorry I made it so much about my ships I just have them on the mind#also sorry I made you wait for over a week but. like I said. the season 4 fiasco dropped on us#hope y’all enjoy these nonetheless!!!#word heavy
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