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straykids-97 · 7 months

Text

Soft?

“Soft? I’m too soft?”

Warnings: Reader confides in Felix, relationship woes, mentions of drinking and parties, soft!dom Chan, sub!reader, dirty texting, slight exhibitionism, pet names (goddess, baby etc.), unprotected sex, LMK IF I FORGOT ANYTHING

Word Count: 5.2k

AN: This was only read through once, so please bear with me. It probably has errors and as I am half awake, the end seems a little rushed to me. Anyway, enjoy you filthy sluts :) I also don't put a warning for minors on my stuff bc I feel like it's obvious that minors should not be reading this stuff, but I cannot do anything about that... HOWEVER I am for this one. Reader's discretion is advised and encouraged. There are mature themes in this fic so please, do not read if you a triggered by rough things!

You shift and lay your chin on your forearm as you stare out the window covered in raindrops. You heave a sigh as you watch traffic drive past, waiting for your dear friend Felix to come back with his drink. The Cafe wasn’t very full, but then again, it was the afternoon, and it was normally full in the morning or early evening. You two always hung out at the Cafe- Felix always joked that this was the only place where he could talk to you without one of his bandmates interrupting or eavesdropping. He could tell that something was weighing on you heavily, so he decided to take you to the one place that could be just for the two of you.

“Ah,” he announces his arrival with a satisfied sigh, sliding into the booth in front of you. You sit up slightly, adjusting your posture when he settles. “This is the best place for an americano.” He snorts and takes a sip, “Are you sure you don’t want a coffee?” You shake your head, “Felix, you know I hate coffee.” He smiles, nodding his head, “Yeah. I know, but I thought I would try one more time.” Felix offers you a soft, lopsided smile as he leans forward, “Are you gonna come clean, or am I gonna have to torture you?” You grin at him, waving your hand at him. “No.” You lament, leaning back in the booth seat. “You don’t have to go to that length. I’ll just come clean.” He offers you a teasing smile, “Good, cuz I sorta forgot them at home.” He shrugs, “I thought you would come clean anyway…” He trails off for a moment, before dropping the question, “So… What’s wrong with you? You’ve been kinda acting-”

“Distant?” You give him a sheepish smile before shrugging one of your shoulders. “Yeah, I know… I just… I don’t know if Chris… Likes me… Ya know?” You pick at your fingernail polish, fidgeting to try and distract you from the lump in your throat. Felix didn’t speak for a while, probably unsure of what to say. Of course, Chris liked you- he loved you. Worshiped the ground you walked on. Felix was more confused as to the why, more than anything.

He cleared his throat, “Well… What makes you say that?” He shifts awkwardly in his seat, unsure of how to navigate this very unfamiliar territory. Chris was like the brother he never had, and you the sister he always wanted, so the fact that you were presenting a possible relationship problem, something he didn’t have much knowledge in, was something he didn’t know if he could steer accurately.

“Well, for starters, he’s super against PDA, ya know. And I understand that-” you hold your hand up in defense before going on, “I do. He doesn’t want someone to capture a picture of me before the company is ready for us to come out as a couple officially and all that.” You sigh, “But… He just acts…” You puff out your cheeks, unsure of how to explain your frustrations to Felix. “So… Nice?” Felix frowns at your words, “Nice? Isn’t that a good thing?” You sigh, holding your head in your hands, feeling your skin turning bright red. “Oh my goodness, I don’t even know how to explain this to you- I shouldn’t. It feels like I’m confessing a filthy sin to a pure nun.” He laughs at your analogy, “What are you talking about? Y/n, I’m your friend. I knew you before Chris, if anything, you owe me an explanation for him making you feel this way. Cuz I’ll talk to him if I have to-” Your head snaps up and Felix stops talking when he sees your beat red face. His mouth parted slightly, “Y/n, what- why are you so red?” He chuckled at your face and reached across the table to pinch your cheek teasingly. You bat his hand away, “He doesn’t like… Ask for anything… I feel like if I initiate it… It’ll feel like I’m begging or something…” You trail off and it suddenly hits Felix like a tsunami, “You haven’t had sex yet?” His voice drops to barely a whisper. Your face turns even redder, “Felix!” You hiss at him, “Lower your voice!” He tosses a quick look over his shoulder, “You and I both know, the barista should be retired right now. We’re lucky if he wore his hearing aid’s today.” You slap his forearm, “Lee Felix!” He beamed at you, “What? I had to repeat my order a million times.” He rolled his dark orbs before leaning back into the conversation, “How have you guys gone almost a year and not fucked?” You want to cover your ears but you can’t. This was the conversation you had planned to have anyway, but you just weren’t mentally prepared to hear someone so sweet and kind like Felix talk like that.

“Well, you guys were gone for the tour, and then you had to travel to promote the album so Chris and I spent the beginning of our relationship over the phone.” Felix bobbed his head, “Yeah… But that leaves like, five months unaccounted for.” You sigh, “Yeah… I know… I figured, ya know, the distance and time spent away would spark something…” Felix has completely forgotten about his coffee and is utterly consumed by this new information. “But, he just acts so sweet, like usual, so kind and caring… The second I want to do something, then he’s on it. No dragging his feet, offering to do things like going on dates and stuff but…”

“He’s leaving you hanging?” You groan, “Sorta? I hate to be like, ‘All this stuff is great but when do we start banging?’ Cuz then I feel like that’s all I see him as and I don’t ya know? I feel like if he wants to, he’d tell me or try to ya know, at least grope me.” You whisper the word like God would come down to smite you if anyone heard it. Felix looks perplexed, that much was clear by the look of confusion on his face. “What?” Felix does another scope of the Cafe before leaning to speak, “Are we talking about the same Christopher Bang?” I snort, “Of course we are-”

“That man is always…” He raises his eyebrows, suggesting something. “Frustrated?” You snort at him trying to be coy, “Yeah, sure you can say that… Maybe you’re the reason it seems to be worse these days.” He grabs his coffee, taking a few sips before going on. “He doesn’t even try to pat your bum?” You blush slightly, “No.” You shake your head and peek over your shoulder at the middle-aged man who is staring at his computer very intently, a pair of headphones humming with the beat of a tune you didn’t know.

“He just acts so… cautious. Like I’m a piece of paper or glass he doesn’t want to break.” Felix bobs his head. “Have you tried to ya know-”

“Yes!” You hiss, your cheeks burning red. Felix blushes slightly at your frustration, the conversation you two were having wasn’t one to be talked over coffee in a cafe either. “Ok… Well, why don’t you talk to him?” You groan, holding your head in your hands, “And make him feel ashamed? No thanks, I’d rather dig myself a whole and cover up for eternity.” You huff, “I’m hoping that maybe he brings it up.” You watch Felix shrug, “If he doesn’t, we’ll be having this conversation again next time.”

***

The black off-the-shoulder dress you chose to wear tonight hugged your curves just right. It exposed just enough but covered equally just as much. The small diamond necklace on your neck was a gift from Chris, a random one, which you were used to. But, since you were too nervous to wear it every day like he wanted you to, you decided to wear it for the occasion. They were celebrating a very big award win with staff and friends. Chris guides you through the throng of people to an area designated for the boys and close friends. Chris pauses slightly, his fingertips on your elbow, “Are you alright? I know how you feel about crowds.” His sweetness never seems to melt you, even now. You smile up at him and you can feel heat crawl up the back of your neck, your heart squeezing in your chest. “Yes. I’m ok. This was part of the deal, remember?” He smiles down at you, giving you one of those earth-shattering, blindingly sweet smiles of his that he’s known for. “And what would that be?” He asks, pulling you in by the waist. You feel your pulse throb in your veins as a small gasp escapes your lips and you bounce off his chest. Chris didn’t do PDA. “Uh- um, the parties, the cameras, all that stuff.” You wave your hand and lightly tap his chest, unsure of what to do with your hands. He smiles at you, “All that stuff?” He leans in, placing a soft kiss on your forehead, “What would I be without you?” He murmured, making you giggle and pull away slightly, “Perfectly fine.” You remind him, causing him to roll his eyes, “Fine. But dull.” He admits with a shrug, pulling away and offering his palm to you as you walk toward where Felix and the boys are sitting playing what looks like a card game with jax and random little balls.

You settle beside Minho, who gives you a playful nudge. Chris sits by Felix and Hyunjin, who look to be in a heated debate about something, which is why you decided to sit by Minho. Seungmin, Minho, Changbin, and I.N., were all in the midst of the game when you settled into the couch. You watch them for a while, trying to follow the game but getting confused by all the complicated rules that it has. You sigh and lean back into the couch, tossing a look to see that Hyunjin had left to sit by Changbin, watching the game as well. Felix and Chris seemed to be deep in conversation, but Chris’s eyes were on you. You watch as the muscle in his jaw flexes for a millisecond, and you know what that means, he is annoyed by something. You reach into your bag and pull out your phone, typing a message to him really quickly.

Are you ok?

You know he gets the message, but he ignores it. Instead, he turned his attention back to Felix who looked as if he may have had one too many to drink. You take a breath in and it catches in your throat when you realize that Felix gets a little too chatty when he gets drunk. And that it had been almost two weeks since you had talked to him about the lack of sex in your relationship. Panic sets in as you slowly turn your face to Felix and Chris. Felix was still talking, sipping on water now; Chris probably made him start drinking water out of fear of what else he would say. You watch as Felix leans forward to eat what looks like pretzels, and Chris takes that moment to pull his phone out of his slacks to see what you have sent him. You watch with mixed emotions as Chris’s jaw flexes and unflexes, his eyes and face illuminated by the darkened screen of his phone. You knew that Chris didn’t like having his phone out while at a function but he couldn’t seem to help himself this time. You watch as his fingers dance across the screen and you immediately stare at your screen, waiting for his reply. Your heart nearly falls out of your colon when it does.

Felix has loose lips when he consumes alcohol… Care to share?

As soon as you look back up to him, you pray that the couch will open up and swallow you whole. Anything to escape the way that Chris glares at you. You do a double take, unsure if you should look at your phone or at Chris. Finally, your brain synapses start working once again enough for you to form a reply.

What did he tell you?

He doesn’t offer you the same courtesy of delaying a reply. And you watch with bated breath as he messages you back so fast that it might as well have been said.

What do you think he told me, goddess?

Your breath almost comes out in a squeal. Chris called you Goddess when he was teasing you once. A name that he has mentioned in passing a few times because of the topic of him heckling you about being a muse to him. You told him it made you feel like you were in a Greek story about heroes and villains. So then came the nickname Goddess, because in his words, “Goddess are cooler than muses.”

You try not to shake as you stare at your phone, trying to keep your mouth closed but failing as your eyes gawk at the screen. Before your brain can form another coherent thought, he sends another reply.

Do you think I’m too soft?

You feel your soul leave your body, and heat rushes through your body. But not the embarrassed kind. You squeeze your legs together and toss a quick glance around to the boys who were all oblivious to what was going on between you and Chris only a few feet away.

As your eyes land on Changbin you are talking a little too loud, and slurring so much that he is about to start drooling if he doesn’t slow down. Han hands him a tissue from beside Minho, “Rapper down!” You can’t help but smile as Changbin snags the tissue from Han, fluttering it in the wind. None of the boys waste a second to mimic a damsel in distress, I.N. holds his cheek, fluttering his eyes, “Oh no, I’m drooling! Someone save me!” Changbin puffs out his chest and starts to say something, but the buzzing of your phone causes you to become distracted by the boys teasing Changbin.

Eyes on me baby. I’m not done talking to you.

Your eyes almost fall out of their sockets. What has gotten into him? He never talks to you like this. Not even when you guys get into a heated makeout session. You slowly raise your gaze back to Chris, who smirks at you. Smirks. Fucking smirks. You watch as his eyes lower to his screen for just a moment to type out another reply.

I’ll show you what you’ve been missing then, baby.

You gulp, your stomach doing somersaults as you watch him shift slightly. Chris swipes his dark beverage off the table in front of him, swirling it a few times before looking at you over the rim. His forefinger rubs the rim, and you can’t help but think that he’s trying to work you up. It was working. A heated pulse thrums through your body to your core, causing you to cross your legs for friction. You feel a faint sheen of sweat start to form, and the room seems a little too loud and the people all seem to disappear as he focuses his dark irises back on your face. You watch as he swipes his tongue over this bottom lip before taking a swig of his dark alcohol. With one hand, he types a reply.

Take your panties off. Bring them to me.

You blink a few times; rereading those two sentences over and over again. Your brain didn’t seem to process what it was reading. That or it was short-circuiting. Either way, your brain was not functioning properly. You glance around, before typing a quick reply.

Here? With everyone around?

You glance up to see Chris looking down at his phone. His forefinger was playing with his bottom lip, the rest of his fingers holding the small bourbon glass as he messages you back. The phone vibrates and your eyes read the message before your brain can process what it's reading. Once it sets in, you swear you’re about to faint. Ever since you met Chris all those months ago, nothing could have prepared you for this moment. To read the text that flickered across your screen…

You heard me. Don’t make me repeat myself.

You sit there, dumbfounded and you aren’t sure what to do. You were surrounded by a mixture of friends and strangers, and what he was demanding of you… Was something straight of an E.L. James novel.

You heard me. Don’t make me repeat myself.

You huff out a sigh, flopping back onto the couch. How the hell were you going to somehow, manage to shimmy out of your panties in front of 7 other men? They might be drinking and some close to drunk, but they weren’t stupid. They’d know what you were doing by the time your dark silk panties hit your knees. You glance at the phone in your palm, shaking your head. You don’t have to do this- Chris was just drinking and feeling frisky. But, you can’t help but bite your lip slightly at the thought of what you would do if you somehow managed to get them off. What would you do once they were off? Your face pales and you turn to look at Chris a few feet away.

Chris’s dark eyes seemed to be ignited with something you hadn’t seen in them before.

Power. Authority. Desire. Dominance.

You can’t conceal the shudder that runs down your spine as he tilts his chin up at you, gesturing to your phone with his eyes. You were so lost in thought that you didn’t even realize that he had messaged you again.

You have five minutes to have them in the palm of my hand.

Your eyes bulge and you choke slightly on your spit. Five minutes? Only Five minutes? It was going to take at least that to get them passed your hips. Your brain was kicking into high gear for the first time since you had sat down, “Fuck.” You hiss to yourself. Time was ticking, and you had to get moving because you didn’t want to find out what was going to happen if you didn’t do as he said. You put your phone into your purse and begin to shift your silk panties, which were hard to feel through your dress, down to your thighs. It was surprisingly easier than expected but now came that part that you were unsure of.

How to get them over your bare thighs, knees, and to your ankles without anyone noticing. You take a brief look around, looking twice, three times before taking a deep breath and shoving your dark silk panties to your ankles and swiping them off your ankles. You managed to get them into a wad in your left fist before Minho leaned over to see what you were doing. “Y/n-ssi, what’s wrong?” You giggle, “Oh, I think there’s a hair or something on my leg.” You have your empty hand at him. “I think I got it.” You watch as he smiles at you softly, “Ok.” He turns part way, before turning back, “On your leg?” Your face falls for a split second. He wasn’t as drunk as the others, and you didn’t calculate that. “Well, I’m not sure what it was. I honestly felt like a bug.” You come up with a lie on the spot, kicking yourself for not thinking that Minho hadn’t really drunk at all since you had arrived. He nods his head, “I hope not. I hate bugs.” You nod, “Me too…” You trail off, glancing over to Chris who looked amused by the interaction. You feel a blush creep up your neck when you see that he watched Minho catch you with your panties around your ankles.

Damn him.

“I think I’m gonna go sit by Chan.” You smile and collect your bag before crossing over to the boys’s game, earning a few groans and slaps on the arm as you pass. You wave them all off and make your way to Chris, who sets his glass aside as you approach him. You almost, almost sneakily slide him into your panties. But instead, you stand there, knees almost touching his as he stares up at you expectingly. “Do you have something for me, Y/n?” He asks, his voice dripping with false sweetness. As if this man wasn’t trying to make you melt from the inside out. You clasp your hands in front of you, “I might…” you trail off, meeting his gaze. You watch as he raises a single arched eyebrow and you remind yourself to find out who did his makeup because damn them.

It takes everything in your every molecule to not shift under his stare. But still, he waits. After a few moments, he picks up on what you’re meaning and slowly raises his hand to you, palm up. It was high enough for the boys to see if they were watching close enough, for anyone who was looking your way to see that you were putting something in his hand. It didn’t take much of a rocket scientist to put two and two together and figure out what was happening.

You stretch out your hand and put your black satin panties in his large hand before sinking to the seat next to him.

“Happy?” You grumble, eyes on the boys who were all too focused on the second round of their game. “Elated.” He replied back, crossing his leg and spreading out your panties on his thigh. You gasp, “Chris-” You start to hiss but stop when you realize his OCD ass was really folding your panties in a small square. You watch as he replaces his breast pocket handkerchief with your panties. He smoothes a hand over his chest as he twists his body to you, dangling his handkerchief by your face, “I think we’ll be needing this.” You frown at his words, “Why?”

He grins, face falling for a moment as he wads it up in his fist. What was he about to do- “Are you ok, y/n?” He puts a hand on your forearm. “Is it getting too loud?” You don’t have to look at the boys to know that they’re all watching you now. The boys all knew what crowds did to your tiny little introverted soul. “Y/n? Are you ok?” Felix finally started to sober up a little enough to not be slurring. You gulp, shrugging, “It’s getting a little warm.” You admit, truthfully. “I think I might be getting a headache.”

“I’ll take you outside, yeah? Maybe some quiet and fresh air would help?” You ruefully nod. Chris helps you to your feet like the dutiful boyfriend he is, holding your hand as he guides you skillfully outside of the small gathering. You started to shiver and you weren’t sure if it was excitement or what it was really but adrenaline was coursing through your veins regardless.

You were panting as Chris pulled you into a small alcove right outside the party. It was dark and hidden and no one would see either of you unless they got within a few feet of you. Chris pushed you flat against the wall, his breath on your face as you stared up at him with wide eyes, “Too soft?” He growled, wrapping a hand around your jaw. “Baby, I am greedy when it comes to you.” His voice is so low that it feels like it’s rattling your soul. “I want everything you give me- I want more than you give me.” His lips crush on yours. It wasn’t the usual sweet kiss, no. This was hot, heavy and fuck it felt amazing. You mewl and wrap your arms around his shoulders as you feel his hands grip your thighs. He pauses only for a moment, pulling that light-colored handkerchief out that was in his pocket.

“If this come back wet,” he leans in, his tongue dancing on the bottom of your lip, “then we’re leaving.” Your breathing was ragged and your mind was already fuzzy. “Holy shit-” You gasp, gripping his forearm as he chuckled. It sounded like thick molasses.

This Chris was someone you had never met before. And fuck, no wonder he kept him hidden. If he was out running around you probably wouldn’t be walking or a functioning member of society.

You feel his fingers delve into your folds and a heavy shudder rips through your body. “Oh my god-” You hiccup, eyes rolling back into your head as Chris rubs soft, quick circles around your clit. He doesn’t go any further, the teasing bastard. And to no one's shock, when he stepped back into the hallway, the fingertips that were covered by the fabric were darkened by your slick. You gulp as his eyes slowly raise to you, “I suppose we have our answer then.”

***

Chris didn’t even wait for you to get through the doorway of your apartment before his hands were on you. He didn’t move to take your clothes off, no. He just grabbed, groped, ripped at your body like a hungry man who was so starved of food that he was threatening to eat you. You wrap your hands in his locks as he picks you up by the waist, shuffling you back to the hallway, stumbling slightly. You squeal and he laughs into your lips as he digs his fingertips into your thigh skin, “Whoops.”

He manages to get you both into your room before he puts you back on your feet. You blink up at him to see his puffy lips even more swollen from kissing so hard that your teeth were gnashing together. Chris’s white dress shirt was rumbled, but otherwise intact. He took off his jacket in the car and left it there. He wasn’t really interested in it currently. “Don’t move.” He ordered. His tone was low, full of authority. You stand there as still as a statue as he shifts to walk around you in a slow circle.

Chris stands directly behind you, “I want you to take your dress off for me.” You inhale sharply. “Like… Strip?” You hear him chuckle before you feel his hand dance up your shoulder to your throat, “Yes.” He lightly squeezes your throat before letting you go. You turn to look over your shoulder to Chris who was moving to sit on the shoe ottoman at the foot of your bed, legs spread as he settled. You moan softly to yourself and turn to look at him.

You slowly reach to your shoulders, tugging at the fabric of your dress. You pause for only a moment when it dawns on you that you’ve never been bare in front of Chris before. “Don’t worry goddess.” He laughs softly, “I’ve been dreaming of this day ever since we went to the park and you wore a skirt.” That was before their tour.

“You’ve been holding off that long?” You ask, almost dropping your hands. “Baby, I don’t like to be gentle all the time… I wasn’t sure if that was what you liked, so I was testing the waters gently. I don’t want to make you do something that you don’t want.” You gulp, figuring that was a conversation for another time.

The burning in your gut and between your thighs was what was most important right now.

You take a deep breath and push the fabric down to your waist, exposing your bare chest to Chris before shimming the fabric the rest of the way off, leaving you completely bare to him. You slowly raise your gaze to him to find that he was staring at you so hard that you thought perhaps he was trying to catch you on fire. You almost reach down to put the dress back on but the noise Chris made almost made you fold.

He made a strange mix of a moan and a feral growl. “Jesus fucking christ.” He groans, “Come here.” He almost barks. You don’t wait and he has you pulled into his lap. It takes no time for him to, quite literally, rip the buttons off his shirt and pants to get him bare as well.

“I would say we should do foreplay, but you’re wet enough for the entire night.” He teases, his teeth clamping down on your bottom lip. You groan, “Chris-” you start to complain but stop as you feel his cock at your entrance. You both moan, and he pants raggedly, obviously struggling. “Baby- I’m trying so hard-”

“I’m not glass.” You snap, digging your nails into his biceps, “Quit being a pussy and just-” Before you can get the rest out he thrust into you so hard that it knocks the wind out of you. He wastes no time wrapping a hand around your throat and squeezing it. “Do not say things that you can’t take back, y/n.” The way he spoke made a shudder rip through your body so violently that you thought it would tear you apart.

Chris pulls out ever so slowly and then drives back into you, causing you both to moan into each other’s mouths. This was so good- fuck, better than you ever could have expected.

Just when you thought that it couldn’t get any better, his free hand adjusts the angle of your hips and he starts to fuck you hard and fast. You both become a mixture of animalistic grunts, moans, and whimpers as he fucks you so thoroughly that you debated thanking Felix in the morning.

You felt yourself spiraling toward a third orgasm as Chris moaned, “Fuck-baby- one more, please.” He whimpers, letting go of your throat and holding your hip along with the other hand. You could come at the sight of him whimpering for you, fucked out of his mind, drunk on you, and holding your hips as he fucks you like he hates you. Your eyes roll as your back arches off the mattress, your toes curling and your hands flying down to grip his wrists. “Chirs!” You nearly scream as he slams into you a few more times before frantically pushing away from you, coming all over your thighs and lower stomach.

He sits there, staring at his mess and panting for a moment, before slumping into your body. “Why did I wait?” He scoffed, talking mostly to himself. “Felix and I were talking about that very same thing.” You snort sleepily as you run your fingers down his clammy spine. He sighs, “No- I mean, why didn’t I just say something? I could have been easing you into this so you won’t be so sore in the morning-”

“If I’m sore,” you interrupt, pulling his face up to look into his eyes. “That just means that you did a good job.” He grins at you sleepily, holding himself up just enough to give you a few sweet, passionate kisses before pushing away, so that his chain necklace dangled just above your chin, “I would say let’s go have a shower. But, I’m tired. You’re tired. The shower isn’t going anywhere. And if I have my way, taking a shower would just be wasting water because we’ll need it again.” He winks, before flopping down beside you and pulling you into his side.

Perhaps, talking to Felix was a good thing.

Now, if only you could get it into Felix’s little thought process about the choking part…

#skz drabbles #skz smut #stray kids smut #stray kids hard thoughts #skz hard hours #bang chan smut

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koinotame · 28 days

Text

boob windows. that's it that's the fic

word count: 1.1K content warnings: this is meant to be yandere au and sagau/self aware au so uh. hint of that, but mostly just crack. nothing Super Nsfw but the whole thing is raunchy and suggestive humour

characters included: mostly ei, but childe, kaeya and briefly zhongli also make an appearance with some others mentioned

a/n: this is a repost (slightly edited)! this was on my to-edit-&-repost list for a while now and this seemed like a good day to do so lol. alas this was originally written before the sumeru release so while editing there wasn't really an opportunity for me to add in wriothesley apparently out-butting zhongli or lyney's tigh high garters and i only just realised kaveh could technically also count here so uh. forgive me. i'll write something for them some day

"is… is everything alright, your grace?"

you loudly suck up another boba pearl, not moving your gaze from where it’s been lodged the past several minutes. "mm, everything’s fine."

ei fidgets in front of you, the cup held tightly in her hands still almost full. she looks unsure, but decides that she knows better than to question you. "if you say so."

it’s clear this isn’t what she had in mind when she personally came to see you instead of sending the raiden shōgun to greet and attend to you. the one time she comes out of her plane, all you’re seemingly doing is ignoring all table manners and gawking at her chest.

yes, that’s right, you’re ogling her chest. or, more accurately, you’re ogling her tiddy window.

between her and kaeya, she’s showing off much more chest. but then kaeya knows what he’s doing, while ei just seems to have it there for convenience over aesthetic…

you squint at her while you get lost in thoughts, and ei’s fidgeting intensifies.

ah shit. you forgot about itto. he wins in terms of who shows off their chest the most, you guess. he’s even wearing that… you’re not sure what to call it but tit belt fits well enough. anyway, the tit belt accentuates his pecs very, very nicely, although they do hide his nips from sight. alas.

you suppose gorou and cyno also exist, but they don’t have the same appeal. oh, and navia and la signora, but both of them are just wearing a sleeveless, collarless dress, so you’re not sure that counts either.

but then by that argument, does itto count? he’s not even wearing a shirt. cyno isn’t wearing a shirt either. and what gorou has is more of a tummy window than anything… but he does have that little window?

between gorou and childe, gorou is definitely winning though. you’d apologise for slandering your poor ajax but between the little triangle he shows off and gorou’s entire tummy out… you’re not sorry. though… there’s something to be said about a small slither of skin inviting you to stick your hands into that gorou having his whole tummy out doesn’t have.

wait, wait. you just had a genius idea. actually, two.

first of all, zhongli with a tiddy window… you are considering. then again, you guess his biggest asset is his bubble butt.

second, and way bigger: an idol group with some of your characters… but they all have tiddy windows.

"…your grace?"

you’re brought out of your stupor by ei, who is gazing in concern at you. you blink at her.

she struggles to find words. "are… are you sure everything is alright? is something not to your liking?"

it’s then that you realise you’ve started drooling at some point. shit.

you hurriedly wipe at it and clear your throat. "yeah, I’m sure. sorry, were you saying anything?"

she looks taken aback. "no, please don’t apologise. I should be the one to… I shouldn’t have interrupted your thinking."

it’s then that childe happens to walk by, and, like the attention hog he is, tries to get a foot into the conversation. you stay mostly unresponsive while the two chat (which seems to be mostly childe trying to hold a conversation with you while ei admonishes him), your eyes drifting back to ei’s tiddy window.

you really could stare at that for the rest of your life.

childe then follows your line of sight and chokes.

…though more because of him trying to laugh while choking on the dango he was eating than embarrassment at having caught onto your very appropriate thoughts.

ei looks confused but makes no move to help him other than pushing his head away from the table so he doesn’t make a mess. you honestly can’t bring yourself to be embarrassed.

he finally manages to swallow properly (you almost want to pat him on the back and praise him for swallowing like a good boy) before turning to you.

"do you want me to strip? my chest looks much nicer, I assure you."

you and ei stare at him.

he raises his eyebrows, pointing at her. "her skin looks way too soft and pampered." she looks almost offended. "mine’s covered in scars and I have actual muscles, doesn’t that feel much better for fondling?"

"what if…" you lean closer to him mischievously, like you’re about to tell him some big secret. "I prefer soft chests?"

he deflates. ei flushes, ducking her head into her still-near-full cup of bubble tea. "well, if that’s what you prefer… I can’t get rid of the scars, but I can stop working out. hmm…" he looks like he’s starting to make serious plans.

"no, I honestly don’t really care. all tiddy is good tiddy." you clap your hands. "anyway! it’s more about the boob window. you already have a (sad) tummy window, so it wouldn’t work."

"why not? wouldn’t that be double the sexy?"

"no, it cancels out."

you’re going to ignore whatever gorou has going on, because that works pretty well.

ei looks unfathomably lost.

"and anyway, if we’re talking about tummy windows, gorou wins."

he deflates further.

then he perks up.

"what about…" he brings his fingers to his face. you think it’s an attempt at looking cool. "butt window?"

you deadpan. "have fun getting arrested for public indecency."

he winks at you. "I wouldn’t mind getting arrested if you’re the one punishing me."

you have to physically hold the electro archon back.

"why, I wasn’t expecting to run into any of you here. what are you three up to?" kaeya’s voice cuts through ei’s snarls all of a sudden. he seems amused, but there’s an edge in the way he eyes childe.

"I am definitely sexier than any archon or soldier," childe says at the exact same time that you say "we’re discussing tiddy windows."

kaeya lets out something between a snort and a chuckle. it’s a pretty sound, but you can’t let yourself be distracted by him. he knows what he’s doing.

"oh? in that department, don’t I win?"

you stare intently at his.

"do you want to touch?"

you move your stare to his face. "am I allowed to?"

he smiles, mirth in his eye. "you needn’t ask. all of me belongs to you, and that includes my chest."

you seriously consider it and childe takes the opportunity to shove himself between the two of you.

"wait, wait! I offered first! ignore him, I’m right here!" "your grace," ei cuts in, "if you’d like to, I don’t mind you touching any part of me."

"ugh, fine, fine! I’ll just sample all of you then. if you’re sure you’re okay with it."

zhongli, somehow, picks the absolute worst moment to walk in.

the look on his face is priceless (you can’t tell if he looks offended or jealous), but even that doesn’t compare to the feeling of soft tiddy in your hands.

you were right, tiddy windows really are the best.

#yandere #yandere x reader #x reader #genshin impact #yandere genshin impact #self aware au #self aware genshin #not sfw #lime #realistically ei probably WOULD have muscles (if not more than him) but. 1. none of the nonhuman characters in this game look like #they have an appropriate amount of muscle #and 2. the shogun is a puppet that presumably doesn't have actual muscles in the same sense as humans do in the first place. so.#i THINK this was supposed to take place in your teapot (hence why everyone is there despite logistics) but imagine whatever you want

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fionajames · 4 months

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Christmas with the Clones; Headcanons.

Hey guys! This is basically some headcanons about Christmas for the Clones in my fix-it au on and about Nay Mets!

Enjoy, and send some requests please!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

Rex

He is obsessed with the lights. And the pretty decorations. Everything pretty about christmas basically.

Rex is obsessed with the pretty-ness of the snow. But only to look at! No touch.

Gets everyone really nice gifts and makes pudding.

Obsessed with older Christmas films like Holiday Inn and stuff.

Idk why.

On Christmas Day he’s up at his normal time and makes a coffee and drinks it before doing anything.

Fives

An actual fucking child.

Bro’s fav part is the gifts, and we all know it.

He loves kind of comedy-Christmas films.

I think first Christmas was when he gave everyone their hoodies but from then on, he gets like food or sweets for everyone.

He’s the first up on Christmas.

Boi falls down the stairs trying to race down, but he does wait for the others to arrive before unwraps his gifts. Impatiently. He waits impatiently.

Gives out free hot chocolate for the day.

Echo

Although he doesn’t really like to admit it, he likes the subtly romantic-Christmas films.

He buys everyone books and writes a message on the front page for them.

He loves the peaceful and beautiful side of Christmas. He 100% goes to the Church and listens to the carols even though he’s so not religious.

Gave cards to like, basically everyone. Like, those cheap ones you buy at the fuckin post office but then he writes like a beautiful paragraph for every person.

Jesse

Child number 2.

He likes all Christmas films, but particularly the cheesy and comedic ones.

Gives everyone small but well-chosen and meaningful things.

Holds a snowball-fight that ended up including like 90% of the town.

Cried hearing carols the first time, and refuses to go back to church.

Gave Tundra a Santa hat.

Kix

Kix still worked on Christmas Eve, but not on the day.

He gave all the kids at the hospitals gifts, and all the adults chocolate.

Work up super late on Christmas Day because he got home so late.

Sent Padme a gift.

He gave everyone sweet home-made things no one knows when he made.

Travelled around town with Fives to give everyone hot chocolate.

Cody

Similar to Kix, he gave all the kids at the daycare chocolates.

He got everyone accurate gifts. One of the few normal gift-givers.

Organised a huge dinner for all the close clones plus Jedi and what not.

Got his own Santa hat but in the 212th’s colour and wore it everywhere.

Just loves Christmas films. Like, particularly the ones with meaning.

Wolffe

Bro reminds me of a wet, angry cat.

Real-fucking-Scrooge/Grinch.

Secretly he actually likes Christmas, but he’ll never admit it.

Got everyone something small, probs stationary.

Bought the fucking cheap post office cards too but just wrote ‘Merry Christmas’ in them.

Threw part of the turkey at Fives when he wouldn’t stop singing.

Hates Christmas films.

Got Plo a hoodie saying ‘Best Dad’. Only rea gift he got, basically.

Fox

Bro was chugging coffee the night before because he’d been putting off wrapping the presents.

He went to Midnight Mass though, even though he’s not religious, he thought it was interesting.

He basically got everyone a mug.

A special mug.

He doesn’t really mind Christmas films but isn’t the biggest fan.

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ilovebeingt4t · 7 months

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a (not) little rant about total drama’s portrayal of dissociative identity disorder in ROTI and AS

a few little tidbits before we get into the juice…

-i don’t have DID ! i have a dissociation disorder and i’ve done a lot of research on DID, but that obviously doesn’t mean i know as much as someone in a system would. if i make any mistakes or you want to add/correct anything, please do !

-since there isn’t an official name for the system as a whole, i’m gonna use “mike system” to refer to mike, chester, svetlana, vito, manitoba, and mal as a system

-before anyone says it, i know it’s “just a kids’ show” but it’s a kids’ show i’m insane and not normal about. so i’m very passionate about this. also kids’ shows should still be normal about mental illnesses/disabilities so idc

alright stinkers… let’s get into it

ok ! mike systems DID in ROTI isn’t GOOD representation but it isn’t like. the worst out there compared to some other media. some huge positives are the way the alters have actual triggers, and that everyone in the system IS portrayed as their own person, not just an extension or part of mike. i interpret the “gasp” the body does with switches as a stand in for dissociation (since they couldn’t really have him just sit there and stare into space bc of plot/time reasons) and it’s very easy to assume the role of everyone in the system from their personalities and triggers. the best example of this to me is vito ! vito is a “tough guy” who’s triggered to front by his shirt coming off, it’s easy to put the pieces together and assume his role is a protector who formed due to sexual abuse.

obviously, the use of the outdated term multiple personality disorder, the very quick switches, the fact the writers obviously did not actually research DID and just wanted a silly crazy character, and probably more i’m forgetting rn, are NOT issues to just ignore because of the good stuff. it’s definitely NOT good or super accurate representation by any means, but i don’t think it’s exactly super bad either. it’s iffy but has redeeming qualities to it.

another plus about mike system in ROTI, even though this isn’t really part of the portrayal of DID as a disorder, is that mike has a love interest that isn’t written as a joke. i feel like having mike in a romantic relationship is a BIG positive representation wise. it’s really important to me that even though zoey is confused and weirded out when she didn’t know what was going on, once she found out mike was part of a system she became more understanding and didn’t give up on him. being part of a system doesn’t mean you can’t have a partner, friends, etc and mike being in a wholesome healthy relationship is a nice breath of fresh air compared to other media portraying DID.

NOW. LETS ADDRESS MAL AND ALL STARS. GOOD LORD.

all stars has an issue with watering down characters and making poor plot/character choices in general, and in my opinion it’s the worst with mike system. ROTI had questionable at times but ok DID rep with mike system, which is why it’s so disappointing that AS took the “evil alter” route and whatever the hell the button thing was… bc they were SO close with having ok representation and then they threw it all away for an overdone and harmful stereotype. mike system in ROTI is a MASTERPIECE compared to whatever the hell was going on in AS.

even when you take into account that in a real life system, mal is most similar to the role of a persecutor (an alter who sabotages the body’s relationships and causes harm to the body/other alters as a way to “protect” everyone in their eyes (oops ! i was wrong. a persecutor isn’t always a protector, however they can take the role of a persecutor and protector which is where i got confused. mal is a both a persecutor and protector to me)) which makes SOME of his actions explainable TO AN EXTENT, it’s clear the writers didn’t have that intent and just wanted a spooky evil alter, which is really disappointing. along with the button issue, which is just…. so insane….

i choose to believe for my own sanity that the button was sort of an emergency temporary dormancy button and that chester fr just lied/didn’t know and made something up. but that obviously isn’t canon, and IN CANON the body’s trauma and serious disorder was literally gone because of the PRESS OF A BUTTON and it is absolutely ridiculous. and it’s portrayed as a GOOD THING.

systems are systems because it is the only way the body and brain can maintain stability and live after serious repeated trauma. in a real situation with a system, if there was somehow a way to get rid of alters in literal seconds, the consequences would be ABSOLUTELY DISASTROUS and unstable. obviously, integration and dormancy CAN be a good thing depending on the system, but it is a LOOONG and complicated process and watering it down to the press of a button in your brain is so inappropriate and insensitive. literally why did they do that. it’s just so disappointing to go from what mike system was in roti to what they became in all stars.

sorry u guys i am just passionate about this

#total drama #total drama revenge of the island #total drama all stars #td mike #td mike system #td mal #tdroti #tdas #chester svetlana vito manitoba #are mentioned briefly #sorry for being insane about this #dissociative identity disorder #keeb goes mad about total drama

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kendallroydefender · 10 months

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Somewhere only we know (Kendall Roy x reader) Chapter 2

Masterlist

Chapter two summary: The reader arrives at college and gets closer to Kendall. There are new friends and new dynamics that seem to build between Kendall and her.

Authors Notes: Hey!! Thank you all for the love on the first chapter!! There is so much more coming! Also there’s smut in this chapter so please only read if you’re 18+! On another note everything I know about american colleges is from gilmore girls so if something isn’t accurate blame Amy Sherman-Palladino

Words: 3.4K

You meet your three roommates and they all seem really nice, but you know neither of them. Kendall has more luck in this department, he gets to share with Stewy Hosseini who he knows a little from his days at Buckley. You share with a girl called Laura who seems really nice and you instantly get along really well. She just moved here to study at Harvard. You talk while you unpack all of your stuff. You meet her mom, who seems kind but a bit stressed out and she meets your parents who came with you. After they leave you and your new roommates order some pizza. ”I heard of this super cool freshman party that’s happening in the other dorm, who wants to go with me?“ Ashley, your other roommate, asks and you and Laura agree to also check it out.

Finding Kendall is a bit of a challenge but you manage to meet him at the freshman party

”Kenny!“ you scream once you spot him. He turns and walks over to you with a brilliant smile as he shouts your name back and hugs you. ”How are you? How are your roommates?“ you ask and he tells you about Stewy. ”Ken this is my roommate Laura, Laura this is Kendall-" you begin to introduce them ”Roy!“ Laura says and glances quickly at you with a look that screams 'what the hell?' Kendall chuckles ”Yeah.“ he answers her before saying "Nice to meet you.“ she nods eagerly.

Later, when Kendall gets a drink she turns to you to say ”What the fuck? You know Kendall Roy? THE Kendall Roy? He’s basically famous!“ she rambles and you chuckle, you know that he’s not a stranger to the public, the press is interested in the kids of media mogul Logan Roy but to you he’s always been Kenny.

”Yeah, he’s a friend.“ you answer simply with a shrug. "Fuck, he’s hot.“ Laura says watching Kendall walk back over to you. ”Quick, does he have a girlfriend?“ she asks and you shake your head, no. You don’t know why her question makes you feel slightly weird.

The first weeks of class go over easy. You get closer with your roommates, who are thankfully really nice. You also see Kendall almost every day and that’s really great. You were already close before but now you are like Siamese twins.

You sit at a table outside with Kendall, Laura and Stewy, as you joke around with Kendall who sits next to you, you notice his friend eye you with a glint you can’t name in his eye. ”Are you sure there’s nothing going on between the two of you?“ he ask as he takes a bite of his lunch. ”Shut up.“ Kendall mumbles, Stewy had pestered him before when you weren’t there if you were a couple.

You roll your eyes at Stewys words but you blush a little because lately you had noticed how your heart would speed up whenever Kendall was near and how he made your stomach flutter when he hugged you or just looked at you with his big hazel eyes and big grin.

The next months seem to go by in a blink before it’s time to go home for Christmas. You missed your family even though you do well in college. ”And how are the Harvard boys?” Your aunt asks at the Christmas dinner. ”Oh, you know.“ you chuckle a little embarrassed, yeah there were a few guys that had flirted with you but you didn’t entertained them, really. Part of it might be because of your steadily growing crush on your best friend. ”How is Kendall?“ your mom asks instead and you tell them about what you two have been up to. You also tell them about Laura, who has become a close friend too and Stewy who you also really like. Kendall calls you in the morning of the 25th to wish you and your family a merry Christmas. You tell him that he’s invited to your parents New Year’s Party and you hear him let out a little sigh ”I would love to but I can’t, my father wants me here. He’s doing some deal at his New Year’s party and says it’s a good opportunity for me to learn.“ you are a little disappointed but there’s nothing you can do. You know how important the company is for the Roy’s and that Kendall hopes to become the CEO one day. So you tell him it’s okay and that you’ll see each other back in college anyway.

January comes soon and you’re all back on the Campus. Tonight there’s a party you’re friends dragged you to. You sit on a couch in some room. Kendall sits next to you and some girl is talking to him but he doesn’t seem too interested in what she’s telling him. His arm comes around to rest on the couch behind your head. It’s not in a flirty-sleazy way, it’s just that you’re comfortable with the other. The girl walks away at some point noticing that she won’t get far with Kendall. ”This party fucking sucks.“ Kendall says hiding his head into your neck and you chuckle. "We could dance?“ you suggest and Kendall answers with ”We could leave?“ while he sits up again and looks at you with pleading eyes and raised eyebrows. And how can you say no when he’s looking at you like this. ”Sure, where’d you wanna go?“ you shrug and he answers ”I don’t know let’s just walk.“

You walk around the campus for a bit, its comfortable. The air crisp, its January and it feels like it will snow soon. Your cold hands brush, Kendall takes your hand and puts it inside his coat pocket. You feel your cheeks warm and your heart jumps. ”Wanna go to my room?“ He asks after another minute and you go.

You talk for a moment but the air around you feels different, charged. Theres anticipation all around the room and you don’t know how this will play out.

You see Kendall glancing at your lips while you tell him some story that doesn’t matter. Your eyes drift down to his and when you look back up soon after his eyes hold something else. He clears his throat a little before leaning in. He seems a little unsure, so different from his normal confident self. You lean in too and when your lips meet you take a sharp inhale. His lips move perfectly in sinc with yours. You swear its the best kiss you ever had.

The kiss grows hungier and more feverish as his arms begin to wander, he pulls you impossibly closer. You feel his tongue on your lips and you open your mouth so he can slip his tongue into your mouth.

You two stop for a moment and Kendall let’s out a little laugh as his nose nudges yours. ”This is crazy, right?“ he asks and you open your eyes to meet his dark ones, they’re shining, he looks happy. ”Yeah, but who cares.“ you mumble before you kiss him again. His hands wander down your sides until they reach the hem of your shirt. You pull away for a moment to nod at him okay for him to take your top off. When he gets the piece of clothing off of you, he starts kissing down your neck and your hand grips his shirt. ”Okay, this needs to go.“ you say and Kendall leans back enough to take it off. Your hands feel up his bare chest, you had never touched him like this before. He feels good, strong. He guides you backwards until the back of your knees bump against his bed. He is on top of you as soon as you lie down. ”Wait, jeans.“ You get out between kisses and his hands start to fumble with your belt. Once you shimmy out of your pants, with his help, you see him go down slowly. He kisses up you thigh softly and you breath out, when you feel his breath against your core you have to stop your body from shivering. A moan leaves your lips when his mouth connects with you. It’s the best sound Kendall has ever heard and he would do everything to hear it again. You grab his hair once he starts licking, its almost too much. Your sounds grow louder and as much as Kendall doesn’t want to stop now, he needs to feel you. When he stops you let out a small whine but you see him rummage through his bedside table and pull out a condom,anticipation spreads through your whole body like a forrest fire. He kisses you again, deeply before asking ”Do you want this?“ You give him a small kiss before answering ”Yeah.“. You feel him line himself up against you and soon after you feel him stretch your walls. ”Oh god.“ You moan and he lets out a moan of his own as he enters you. His strokes are slow and you keep looking into the others eyes. Its almost too intimate. He grabs one of your hands and intertwines your fingers, your hands rest beside your head. You wrap your legs around him so he goes in deeper and your moans grow louder with each push of his hips. He takes on speed and you can feel yourself getting close. ”Ken im gonna..“ You can’t even finish your sentence before you let out another moan ”Yeah me- me too.“ Kendall says before he tells you ”Come for me“ and that takes you over the edge, your eyes roll back as the wave of pleasure hits your body. Feeling you clench around him is what brings Kendall his orgasm. He buries his head into your neck while coming down and you feel him leaving a few kisses there.

Afterwards you trace Kendall’s features with the tip of your finger and he thinks he would do everything to stop the time right then, to stay in this moment with you forever. ”I should probably go before Stewy comes back." You say as you reach for your underwear on his floor. He nods knowing you would never hear the end of it if Stewy knew about this. His heart flutters when he sees you reaching for his discarded shirt. You wore his jacket before, when you were out on the beach in the Hamptons and you got cold but this was different.

You pulled the fabric over your head - you took his shirt as a try to elongate this moment. Maybe as a kind of reminder that it had really happened and wasn’t just some daydream of the kind that seemed to happen more often these past months. You know you probably should talk about this at some point but the risk of getting your heart broken right now was too high for you to take it. That conversation could wait. Kendall put on his own underwear and got a new shirt. ”Breakfast tomorrow?“ he asked and you had to bite your lip as an attempt not to let your smile get too big. ”Yeah I’ll see you Kenny.“ he smiles back and you press a last kiss against his lips.

The next morning you walk with Laura towards the breakfast hall, you thought you wouldn’t be nervous about seeing Kendall but you are. What if he regrets last night? What if he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore? What if you fucked it all?

Kendall on the other hand can’t wait for you to step into the room. Thoughts of you have consumed his mind since you left his dorm room yesterday. He is only halfheartedly listening to whatever Stewy is talking about, his eyes darting towards the entry every few seconds. And he visibly lights up when he spots you, it’s so obvious that Stewy starts to snicker across from him. ”Hey Kenny.“ you say as you sit down next to you. He greets you back and you look at him he smiles at you then, and you know you worried about nothing. He’s still your Kendall. It’s like it’s always is but if you’d ask Stewy he would say you two seem extra lovey-dovey today.

It happens again a few weeks later, you and Kendall go to a concert together, just the two of you because even though you like to hang out with all your new friends you and Kendall sometimes need some alone time. And you and your best friend have a great time there, jumping screaming and laughing together. You scream the lyrics back at Kendall and in that moment he stops moving, just looking at you. You’re beautiful in that moment, a little sweaty and a bit tipsy but this moment seems so real that he can’t stop himself from reaching out for you. His hand catches yours and he pulls you closer in one swift movement. You look into the others eye for a second before you both go for the kiss. You decide then to leave the concert earlier, it’s the encore anyway, and head home to his dorm room. Luckily Stewy is out of town for the weekend, visiting home you think, but you also don’t care too much about where he is right now.

Due to Stewy not being there you stay with Kendall the whole night. It feels similar like when you snuck Kendall into your parents summer house. It’s just really easy with him. You sleep peacefully the whole night wrapped up in each others arms.

It’s around a month later and you have had slept together a few more times. You have thought about how you can tell Kendall what’s on your mind for the past days. You have to stop sleeping with him before you get seriously hurt. You know you’re falling in love with him and you can’t do this anymore. Having sex with your best friend was a bad idea from the beginning but you can’t continue before you two ruin what you have forever.

When you go around to his room, later that day and you feel that he’s about to kiss you, you know that this is the moment. ”Hey, hey Kenny I don’t think that’s a good idea.“

”Uh you’re serious?“ he asks and you roll your eyes ”Yeah Kendall. I am. Listen I can’t do this anymore, having sex I mean.“ he looks kind of lost at you then. He thought you two were on the way to becoming something serious. It wasn’t 'just sex' to him and his hearts hurts knowing it was to you. Wich isn’t true of course but he doesn’t know. ”Maybe we shouldn’t see each other alone fora bit.“ You say and he feels like crying ”How- how long?“ he asks and you shake your head ”I don’t know, Ken. Not for long.“

The next few weeks are tense, you still meet with Kendall with others are around but you haven’t seen him alone in two weeks. The longest time since you started college and it hurts you the same it hurts Kendall. He can’t even talk to Stewy about it, he still doesn’t know about you and him.

”Have you seen the girl Kendall is seeing?“ Laura asks you one day while you’re writing a paper. ”What?“ you ask her and she ”The girl Kendall is dating? Leighton? I bet he told you about it?“ she says and you have to swallow ”Oh yeah sorry.. yeah he did but no I haven’t met her yet.“ you lie while your heart is breaking. ”Well anyway I have a course with her… I think… well there’s this girl called Leighton and it’s not really the most common name but-" she ramble’s on and you wish she wouldn’t. ”And yeah she’s absolutely beautiful… like wow.. like model pretty.“ you have to swallow, of course she’s beautiful why would Kendall date you when he could date someone who’s being described as 'model pretty'. You keep it in, joke around with her but when time for dinner comes around you tell Laura that you don’t feel well and want to skip dinner tonight. You feel sick to your stomach. Of course you weren’t together and you have no right to be mad or even sad, Kendall has every right to date whoever he wants. But it still hurts you badly.

As you lay on your bed wallowing, you can’t help a few tears escaping from your eyes. You hear a knock on your door, thinking it’s just one of your roommates who forgot their keys you open it and regret it immediately. Kendall is standing in front of you. ”Hey, you okay?" He asks and his eyes are full of worry. Shit, why does he has to care so much. ”Yeah I’m, I’m okay just a stomach ache.“ you say but your best friend was always able to see right through you. He says your name in a soft voice. ”Shouldn’t you be with Leighton?“ you ask and something clicks in Kendall’s mind, he thinks it’s about him not telling you about her. He knows it had happened fast with him and her. A friend introduced him to Leighton, he was still heartbroken and not over you but she was kind and took his mind off of you for a while. He knew it probably wasn’t right to Leighton but he didn’t just use her as a distraction, he does wants to get to know her better.

”I’m so sorry. I know I should have told you about her but we didn’t really talk and I don’t know.“ and he seems genuinely sorry as he looks like a puppy that got yelled at so you have no choice but to accept his apology. Even if you weren’t upset about him not telling you. ”It’s okay.“ you say softly and he asks if you can hug. Hugging Kendall after these past weeks feels better than it should. He stays for the evening watching shitty movies with you and everything goes back to normal after this night. You also try very hard to get over him because if you can’t be with him you still need him as your best friend. That’s why you find yourself at a bar outside of the campus but still very close. You sit next to Stewy, who seems like he doesn’t really like Leighton, Laura sits at the end of the table and the two seats across from you are empty. The three of you are waiting for Kendall and his new girlfriend. Tonight is the night he wants to introduce you all and you didn’t have it in you to bail. Also you think Stewy knows about your feelings because he told you it would be like "ripping of a bandaid.". You see the door open and a really pretty girl with long brown hair comes in. Kendall walks in behind her, waving at you all as he spots your table. ”Here goes nothing.“ Stewy mutters before standing up to greet the new arrivals. ”Hey, I’m y/n.“ you smile at her and she smiles back ”Oh, yeah Kendall told me a lot about you!“ she tells you. ”Oh?“ you say and she smiles a genuine smile ”You’re his best friend right? The one he knew since he was a child?“ she asks and you say ”Yeah, that’s me.“ you smile.

She is actually really kind and funny and interesting. You like talking to her and Kendall seems happy with her.

So you just swallow your feelings, even though you still have feelings for Kendall but what’s the alternative? Fighting with him? Losing him as a friend? No, it will work this way. It has to.

And it does. Your friendship with Kendall turns back to the way it was before you started to sleep together. You were seeing each other alone again.

One day after a class, you were packing your stuff back into your bag after class, when a guy approaches you. ”Hey, you’re y/n, right?“ he asks and you smile and tell him yes. ”I’m Liam. I’ve wondered if you wanted to go out sometime?“ he asks and even though you’re a little surprised you say yes. He’s cute, he has dark curly hair and brown eyes. You can tell that he’s rich but dresses as if he isn’t. One date turns into two and then three and then you two see each other almost everyday. Well, at least the days you don’t spend with Kendall. At the beginning of spring you and Liam become official.

#kendall roy x you #kendall roy imagine #kendall roy x reader #kendall roy fic #kendall roy fluff

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strqyr · 5 months

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i spent way too much time on this—like, "wrote it in google docs first" amount of time—but, uh. team strq ages let’s gooooooo!!!

first things first, some assumptions™ that i’m basing this on:

1. the remnant school year follows the japanese school year, i.e. begins in april, and ends in march the following year.

2. the years are split based on birth year, nice and clean, since blake (who’s born in january) says ruby is “only two years younger” than wby. this would mean that blake had already turned 18 by the time of V1 (she would have been 17 during the black trailer), while weiss and yang turned 18 during V1-2 and ruby 16 during the small timeskip at the end of V3. (this is also what i’m used to, so it’s easier on my brain. don't @ me.)

the second point isn’t super relevant, but it does keep things simple since we don’t know strq’s birthdays; basically, the year students start their first year, they’ll be turning 18, 19 for the second year, 20 third, and 21 for fourth, with the possibility that some may have already turned 22 by the time they graduate.

so. the year strq graduates, they’re 21-turning-22 years old. since yang is born on july 28th, raven would have gotten pregnant some time around november / december (if i did my math right. i did count with my fingers.) since the school year ends in march, and i’m doubtful raven was already pregnant while still at school, at earliest yang could have been born was during the same year raven would turn 23.

and since yang is currently 19, 23+19=42 <- the youngest strq could possibly be in the present day.

(that is, assuming they were all 17-turning-18 during their first year. depending how you interpret raven’s “and qrow and i were the perfect age”, they could have been either exactly the age they should be to attend beacon (17-turning-18), or close enough for the tribe that they could pass as the right age.)

anyway! next part: figuring out how old they were during the V9 flashback.

first, the kiddos. if we are to take what yang said literally about ruby not being able to even talk yet when summer disappeared, ruby being a 2-year-old at the time is probably the safest bet. does she look like a 2-year-old in the flashback? eeeehhh… while i’d be willing to give a little more leeway there since it’s a short scene, to be extra safe, let’s say ruby is about 2-3yo, with yang being 4-5yo. if the members of strq were 23 the year yang was born, they would be about 27-28 at the time of the flashback.

which, if i’ve done my math right (knock on wood), is cutting it pretty damn close for raven becoming the spring maiden—even more so if she didn’t get pregnant the soonest possible moment after graduation—since as per miles: “As for ‘too old’, we don't like having super hard-fast rules for certain things, but we've sort of unofficially figured that 30 is probably around the cutoff point to become a maiden.” [source]

to be honest, i do think the math checks out. in before the dawn, according to yatsuhashi, theodore is “likely in his forties, maybe older”, and ozpin “had been younger [than theodore] but seemed much older.” per raven, ozpin was already the headmaster when team strq was formed, and prodigy or not, if as the headmaster of beacon he had a seat at the vale council (likely, since both lionheart and ironwood had council seat in their respective kingdoms as headmasters) i’m somewhat doubtful the rest of the council would have been super fine with someone who isn’t even the age of a huntsman graduate being in charge of what is essentially the main defense of the kingdom. so, if theodore is likely in his forties, maybe older (let’s translate that into late 40s-early 50s), and ozpin was younger than him but older than strq by at least 4 years, that would put him at ~45 in V1, and ~47 if he were still alive. maybe subtract a year or two, as a prodigy discount if you so please, but all in all, it fits rather nicely: yatsuhashi’s thoughts about theodore’s and ozpin’s ages are accurate-ish, and raven is just the right age to inherit maiden powers if she did get them during summer’s mission—and similarly, if / when summer joined salem, they’d still have to search for a maiden host since summer is going to reach the unofficial cutoff point of 30 very soon.

#rwby #strq #done thinking about ages for the rest of the year me thinks

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k4katsujin · 6 months

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on the verge of dying falling

🦕miguel x reader

authors note: HENLO MY LOVES I MISSED YOU SM ITS BEEN MONTHS SINCE I DIDN'T POST ANY WORK IM SO HAPPY TO FINALLY BE BACK

author's note 2: i pet a dog today. life? completed.

author's note 3: does that mean my mental health is better? probably not. but we up 🗣‼️

author's note 4: i physically hurt myself while writing this. also dedicated to @unabashedcroissanttreefan (ly pookie wifey)

synopsis: he's on the verge of dying. you're the hq nurse who healed him. you saved him,but it seems he wants something more from you.

content: miguel x gender neutral reader (though fem reader was in mind), reader is hq's nurse, mention of dying, hospital talk, ooc miguel? injury and angst

“Lyla, do you have any tips for migraines?” asked Miguel,

- I don’t, she replies with a smile, but I have to remind you you have to go to the nursery for your weekly check-up.

-Do I really have to go? Asked Miguel with a pout. You know they scare me and -

-Seriously? You’re fighting anomalies all year long and you’re scared of a little check-up? (she laughs) you’re really strange.

- I know but-

-No buts! I booked you an appointment at 2:30pm!

-It’s no fair (he does the same pout as he did before) why don’t you have to go?

- That’s the perk of having no physical body! (she winks) plus I heard they’re super nice!”

While Lyla and Miguel waited for their appointment, you were doing some stuff in your office. Once 2:30pm arrived, you head a gentle knock on your door.

“-Hello! Is this your first time there? You ask with a smile. I don’t remember seeing you there. Lyla told me you’d come but she didn’t tell me your name. You are?

- I’m hum, I’m Miguel O'Hara. He stutters, uncertain.

-Nice to meet you then! (you smile as you wave his hand, check your files and notice he never came to the supposedly mandatory weekly check-ups.) No wonder why I never saw you there! You exclaim on a light-hearted tone. So-

-No need to worry about that! He hurries. I just came there because of my migraines, they’re pretty frequent and-

-Oh! You cut him off. It’s simple, you just have to take this! (you hand him a little box of painkillers.) But if I were you, I’d be careful as frequent migraines can be a sign of early stage brain cancer. So I’d recommend you to do a full body check up, so that we could notice (déceler) some tumors. But if you want to go, I’m not forcing you to stay!

The desperate look Miguel gave you made you understand he was willing to stay.

-Do we really have to do this? He uncertainly asked as you got him laying down on a dentist chair.

-Yes! You say as you put on a surgeon mask. A full body check-up isn’t a full body one if I don’t check your teeth too! Now open wide!

A few moments go by as you inspect his teeth, when all of a sudden you feel a sharp jolt of pain go through your hand.

-I’m sorry! Miguel hurried, I didn’t mean to do that!

- It’s fine don’t worry! You reassure him as you put a bandage on your hand where he bit you. At least I found the issue! If your head hurt so much it was simply because your teeth are moving.

- So the whole brain cancer thing was a lie?

-Partly, but I told you this because weekly check-ups are important! You say as you pout lightly. I was starting to think you never came because you hated me… Anyway, can you please fill in this? It’s a medical about me sheet! The more honest and accurate you will be, the better I will be able to heal you! I know I may look scary, but I mean no harm really! Just see me as a friend, okay?

“A friend?” Miguel thought to himself, and a strange warmth invaded his heart. He has been a loner most of his life, but it sure felt nice to know he could reach out to someone whenever he needed to.

- You WHAT? Lyla exclaimed as you were away to get some medicine.

-I bit them. Miguel admitted shamefully.

- Now they’re the one who’s going to be scared of you! Lyla chuckled between laughter.

- I like you a whole bunch but if you don’t shut up right now I’ll turn the WiFi off.

- Say what you want, I saw how hard you blushed when they got you sitting down!

- Aight that’s it I’m turning you off-

- You better not-

A few moments later, you came back in the room with some syringes and a plaster mold.

-Uhh, what is all that for? Miguel asked, unsure.

- It’s because you need braces! You say as you hand him the plaster mold. Instead of biting my hand, bite this instead please!

-I need… braces?

- Mhm! It’s because of your fangs! For some reason, when they grew they pushed back your other teeth and that’s where all your migraines came from! If you came more often, you would’ve not needed these!

///…A few moments later…///

-There we go! Don’t hesitate to come again if they’re too tight, but normally the painkillers should be enough!

Once Miguel was gone, you treated your other patients until the end of your day, and decided to check Miguel’s file.

-Lyla?

- Yes?

- Can you tell me more about Miguel’s past? I noticed a weird mark on his shoulder and he didn’t mention anything similar in his file.

-I love you a whole bunch sunshine, but you know I can’t do this.

-Please? I need to know if I want to heal him more efficiently!

-Fine, Lyla sighed. Before the whole spiderverse protection thing, he worked at Alchemax and found out some bad stuff happened, his boss found out he knew so he forced him to take some shitty drugs which turned him into an addict.

-But why didn’t he tell me?

Lyla raised an eyebrow and smiled.

- Well sunshine, you know how he is! She chuckled, Always grumpy and never wanting to admit his weaknesses! And probably because he wanted you to have a good first impression of him!

-Ohhh. You think out loud. That makes much more sense now.

-One last thing sunshine! (you turn your head towards her) You didn’t hear this from me,

okay? Don’t mention any of this unless he speaks about it first!

-Mkay! Thanks, you’re the best Lyla!

A few weeks later, you kept on meeting and healing random patients, but you had no sign of Miguel.

-Is there anything new today? You ask Lyla, feeling like boredom getting the best of you.

-Nope, still nothing sunshine. Are you okay? She asked with a hint of worry in her voice.

-I’m fine, you sigh as you laid back on your chair, it’s just… Not being a spiderperson is boring.

- You know, by healing all those heroes, it’s as if you save people as well!

- I mean, if you put it that way… You chuckled. Thank you Lyla, you truly know how to cheer up people! (someone knocked on the door) Miguel? What are you doing here?

- I came here uh… Because I ran out of medicine.

-Oh! Of course! There you go!

-Thank you, he mumbles. I also got you this by the way, he stutters, handing you a wildflowers bouquet. As an apology for uh… Your hand.

-Oh! Thank you, but you really didn’t need to! You thank him with a genuine smile. Did you need anything else from me?

-I’ll be fine thank you!

-Lyla?

-Mmh?

-You’re the one who gave him the idea right?

- You wouldn’t believe me if I told you I didn’t, right?

-Not in the slightest, you chuckled, but it’s still cute though!

A few weeks pass as you find yourself daydreaming again while Miguel and the others were on a mission.

- What do you think of Miguel? Lyla asked you on a soft innocent tone.

-What do you mean by that? You ask her back, intrigued.

- Well, he got you your favorites flowers, and ever since that day he seems like to get injured pretty often, even if it’s just small cuts…

- I see the point you’re trying to make and – don’t you give me that look, you say as you notice Lyla smirking, he’s my boss, OK? He’s probably acting like this because I’m the only person bringing him some comfort and-

-That’s the exact reason he would fall in love with someone! Think about it! I see how he is with you, it’s as if he’d trust you enough to talk to you about his daughter!

- Really? You ask in disbelief.

-Yes! Even though he sucks at showing so, I can assure you he cares about you! I’ve known him for years now, and he acts with you like he acts with nobody and-

At this exact moment, Miguel abruptly came in the room, badly injured? He had a lot of cuts all over his body and was losing so much blood he was on the verge of passing out.

- Please… Need… Healing… he murmured.

- Lyla, scan his vital lifeline and tell me which ones need healing first! You hurried, trying your best to keep your calm.

- There’s a serious wound near his heart! Be quick, he’s losing a lot of blood!

- Lyla… Miguel said, barely whispering. Am I going to die?

- Of course! But not today! You say as you kept on pressing on his wounds, making a fortune bandage out of random fabric you found. Lyla, call Pablo and tell her to come here and put Miguel in intensive care.

-Lyla… Miguel whispered, his eyes closed, tell y/n I love them, OK? Thank you… For every… thing… Think I’m going… to sleep … a little now…

He then put his head on your lap, waiting for the robot to arrive, while you cupped his face, crying silently.

- It’s not your fault, sunshine, you did your best, Lyla tried to reassure you as you both waited in front of Miguel’s hospital room.

- Apparently, it wasn’t enough… you sigh, defeated. Be honest, do you think he’ll survive?

- I don’t know sunshine, I don’t know…

A few hours passed as you both nervously waited for any doctor to give you news of Miguel, but every person you asked didn’t know or simply ignored you. You then started to fall asleep on your chair, the exhaustion getting the best of you, when a doctor gently patted your shoulder to wake you up.

-Y/N? I have news for you. You brought Miguel… (he checks his files) Miguel O'Hara, right? (you nod as you feel your heart miss a beat). He got seriously injured and he lost a lot of blood, so we had to put him in an artificial coma. We don’t know if he’ll make it, but I’m sure he would appreciate some company. Would you mind following me please?

The doctor then led you to Miguel’s room before softly closing the door behind you.

- Hi, uh, I hope you’re doing OK wherever you are. The doctors said you would like some company, so I’m staying here for a while. I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can, well, I’m sorry. I really did try my best to save you. And… if I failed… (a knot starts forming in your throat) if you joined your daughter, well, I hope you’re happy with her. And I hope what you told Lyla earlier, the ‘tell Y/N I love them, was true. Because, even though bringing a smile to your face is the hardest thing to do – you know I always like a challenge! You chuckle with a faint smile, I still want to see that grumpy, but lovely, face of yours. Anyway, I’ll stop talking for a while, but I’ll stay here until I have news from the doctors. Please don’t leave us. The multiverse needs you. I need you.

You then kept on telling him random details of your day, as a way to convince yourself he was still alive. You kept on doing so for so much time you ended up falling asleep with your head on his chest, listening to his slow and steady heartbeat.

- Y/N? Softly murmured Miguel after what seemed to you an eternity. He looked a bit taken aback seeing you like this, slowly waking up from your head on his chest.

- Miguel!! you happily exclaimed as you hugged him, wiping away your tears. I thought you were – you know- I thought you didn’t make it and it would be all my fault and-

- Hey hey, he reassured you, softly patting your back, secretly surprised someone cared about him enough to visit him in his hospital room. I’m alive see? I’m a big boy! (he coughs) can you please go ask the doctors for more painkillers please?

A few moments passed as the doctors gave Miguel more medicine. You and Lyla were now talking with the doctors to see when Miguel could go out of the hospital. By a shared agreement, it has been decided that Miguel could leave the hospital only if he lived with a near caregiver.

- There is my apartment! You say as both reached your doorstep. It’s not that big but it’ll -

-Thank you. You truly saved my life.

- That’s my job, silly! You replied with a bright and relieved smile. At least, by living with me, I’ll be able to heal you right away! However, I have a bad news: now, check-ups won’t be weekly anymore but daily!

- But -

- No but! Now get your ass on the couch and relax before I force you to, and r e l a x! You've been through hell today and you need some rest!

You then headed to the kitchen to make something to eat for the both of you, but to your surprise, when you came back, you found him asleep on your couch, it was truly an endearing view.

///…The next morning… ///

-Time to change those bandages, you say to yourself, as a way to give yourself courage.

You then got on top of him, putting your legs on both sides of his hips. You started to take off the bandages on his face, taking endless precautions to not hurt him.

You didn’t notice Miguel was awake until you felt his hands on your waist.

-You’re cute when you’re on top of me, he chuckled with a sly smirk, we should do this more often.

You firmly push him back on the couch before adding:

- Not now big boy, making me flustered won’t make this faster for both of us, now stay still, will you?

You then lightly push his hair back to not hurt him while taking off his bandages. You tried your best to stay focused, but the thing is he still had his hands around your waist, and you would be lying if you told yourself he didn’t look cute underneath you…

After a few moments, Miguel finally broke the silence:

- I didn’t tell you, but you look very cute, carinõ

You rolled your eyes, but your blushing cheeks betrayed you.

Once you were done healing him, you headed to the kitchen to make breakfast for both of you.

Your thoughts were racing like crazy. What if Lyla was right? What if Miguel did see you as more than a friend? Even worse, what if you reciprocated these hypothetical feelings?

A few more days passed as Miguel could now take care of himself on his own.

- Well, there you go… you sigh, your heart aching a bit from seeing him leave. I’m glad you’ve fully recovered now, don’t hesitate to come agai-

He interrupted you by kissing you, having you slightly pinned against the wall of your apartment’s doorstep. It felt like a relief to both of you, as if none of you dared to do it, yet it was like the physical contact was a life threatening need for the both of you.

The kiss was fierce and passionate, yet there was something – you couldn’t quite put your finger on it – you couldn’t help but find cute.

You both stayed in this position for what seemed eternity, but what is an eternity when you are in love?

On the verge of dying falling

end

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alwaysbethewest · 2 years

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Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso ft. Pedro Pascal (transcript)

I was just going to pull a few choice quotes but this interview was such a genuine pleasure to listen to that in the end I decided to transcribe the whole thing. I know some people will prefer or need to read instead of listening to the podcast so I thought I’d share it here. I tried to capture everything as accurately as possible but this isn’t proofread or anything so let me know if you spot any errors ☺️

To listen to the interview, click here. The transcribed version is under the cut.

Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso Episode 274 - Pedro Pascal: A Life of Dreaming (05/15/22)

SF: Pedro.

P: Sí.

SF: How you feelin’?

P: I feel good. It’s nice to be here. There was no traffic, and I like driving.

SF: People on a podcast love to hear about LA people talk about driving and traffic—

P: (laughs) Right.

SF: Historically, they love this.

P: Well I came over from Venice, so it was a long way.

SF: I do know that, I felt bad, I did.

P: There was no traffic!

SF: Okay, good

P: I mean once you get to the 1—let’s do this, let’s just lean all the way in.

SF: Okay, what did you get to, what highway did you take?

P: Once you get to the 110, you know, you start to go through downtown, of course there was traffic, getting to the 5—

SF: Windows down on the way over here?

P: Uh, on the way over…

SF: Okay. You playing music?

P: …and then it got congested. I was actually listening to KPCC, but normally I would be listening to music, and driving kind of fast.

SF: This film, Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, it’s coming out—

P: Today!

SF: Today. What do you feel like on a day like this? Do you wake up nervous?

P: I don’t know how to feel about it because it’s never been the same. It’s always been, at least through my experience, what seems like unique and different than how I would have expected it to be or feel like, how I fantasized about it as a kid or as an un-working actor. ‘Cause today, this would be like the first thing that I’ve done that is not coming out on a streaming service or during the pandemic or, with me actually in town.

SF: It’s like a movie out in the world, people have to go to theaters to see it, how they used to do.

P: Yeah! Yeah, and we’re still sort of figuring out how to do that again. So, I don’t know what normal is obviously, but, none of it exists in the realm of what my expectations or fears would be, so it sort of eliminates what any expectation would be because I’m like, I don’t know what the hell’s going on on this planet anymore! (laughs) I’m gonna go do a podcast today and there’s no traffic! There’s no traffic, does that mean nobody’s going to the movies?

SF: It’s good to just bring it back to yourself.

P: (laughing) Exactly.

SF: There’s no traffic, does that mean my film is bombing?

P: Exactly.

SF: People aren’t going to the 9:30 showing?

P: Does that mean that the movie that I have a supporting role in is… gonna bomb?

SF: And people say actors are narcissists, and they’re not.

P: They’re just not.

SF: They’re just, they’re like you, you’re selfless.

P: (laughs) Exactly, exactly. I’m thinking about traffic, I’m thinking about the movies.

SF: People please, go see the movie. For his sake.

P: Yeah, seriously. Come on.

SF: In this film, you play a super fan of Nicolas Cage, who offers Nicolas Cage, the actor, in the film, a million dollars to show up to his 40th birthday party in Spain. Now in the film, Nic Cage is playing a version of himself, as actor Nicolas Cage. You are playing I think a slight version of yourself, as someone who actually is a massive fan of Nicolas Cage.

P: Yeah. I think that, um, because of what my timeline is specifically… I was born in ’75, we got cable television pretty early, so there were some of his early movies on HBO, and then my father loved to go to the movies, he would take us to the movies a lot.

SF: On cable, you would watch Valley Girl, Birdy, Racing with the Moon, Rumble Fish…

P: Exactly. Valley Girl in particular because, what do you have, kind of like this sort of, dyed reddish fuchsia hair? Right? What was crazy about that was if you think about it now, it was cool to be in the Valley, and then those crazy delinquents on the other side of the hill in like the cool part of town in Hollywood, and like having real lives… she was just really slumming it. But yeah, so sort of absorbing these movies very young, this was a different time, my parents were very young, we were really kind of unsupervised a lot of the time. As far as TV was concerned, there weren’t too many rules. It took a lot to send us out of the room.

SF: It took them not liking the movie to send you out of the room.

P: Exactly. There were two movies, really, that I remember very vividly having like a huge impact on me. And both of them because I didn’t know what we were going to go see, often, already at a young age I was like ‘I want to see this’ or I knew that we were going to go and I had an expectation around it, but I remember Peggy Sue Got Married, I had no idea what it is, what could it possibly be with a title like that. I had no idea it was directed by Francis Ford Coppola. And the other one was Raising Arizona, and I had no idea, I had never seen… I had actually like, tried to see Blood Simple, because the trailer had appeared before some movie I saw when I was a child and looked so scary? And so visually cool.

SF: I like the image of a 9-year-old Pedro thinking, “yeah I wanna see the Coen brothers’ directorial debut.”

P: I’m telling you—

SF: “Get me in here.”

P: And I remember, like, you know, on drives and stuff like that because there was this kind of—I just remember this… I was really into like scary, thriller-y shit when I was a kid, and still now, but I don’t know, he was like burying a body out in some Texas field or something like that and—

SF: That’s the kind of thing a kid wants to see.

P: (laughs) I just… I guess it was just all the drama that I was after. I don’t know, I remember thinking about the trailer. Did not connect it to when we saw Raising Arizona. And, uh, at the start of Raising Arizona I remember thinking that the whole first few minutes was a trailer for this phenomenal movie? I had never seen anything like that. And had that sort of visual voluptuousness, it was just like, “what is this?” And then the title blazed in and I was like, “oh! This is the movie!” So anyway, there were very impressionable films very very early, with not normal performances from this actor.

SF: Yeah, kind of big, bombastic pieces.

P: Big swings that shouldn’t work, and work… incredibly.

SF: They almost work in spite of themselves. Like they’re so big that they become kind of undeniable.

P: Yeah. But, if you see them again, it isn’t about these performances being big, it’s just completely stylized but also really truthful. I mean, look, I have been kissing. This. Ass. So much—

SF: Oh—

P: (laughs) I know, but I mean it!

SF: I really thought you were going to say, “and I’m tired of it!”

P: (laughs) I’m tired of listening to myself, in terms of the earnestness around this issue, where I guess my favorite thing in life has always been movies, and then going back and re-viewing these performances, I guess I’ve been able to really ponder what it meant to me as a kid seeing something like that for the first time, because it really holds up. It is everything that I would want to be able to pull off, as an actor, is do something completely theatrical, and there be so much truth and skill and believability in the performance.

SF: I think the thing you’re hitting on though is that purity that he seems to have in performing, and I want to kind of understand the pure place from which I think you started to love movies. So, as you said, you were born in Chile, your parents Veronica and José were young liberals in their 20s combating a sort of militaristic regime in that country at the time. They flee, they receive asylum in the Venezuelan embassy. Then they go to Denmark, and then in 1976 you’re one years old, and then you land in San Antonio?

P: I was nine months old when we left Chile. We were in Denmark like under a year, and we ended up in San Antonio.

SF: At what point in your childhood do you begin to understand the origin story of where you came from?

P: It’s hard to piece together because I know that my sister and I went back to Chile without our parents, because our parents weren’t allowed back. I’ve got an enormous family from both sides, and there, visually, the way that I saw it, the presence of what had happened, the fact that my sister and I were the only two out of 34 first cousins, all living in Santiago, Chile, that we were the only two that we were sort of these unique members of the family, being embraced and taken care of with our parents thousands of miles away. And so I started to develop a real fear of like, camouflaged military guards with machine guns that were monitoring, you know… It’s not like they were everywhere or anything like that, I’m sure that there was a sort of normalcy of lifestyle that was achieved for all of my cousins that were—the ones that are older than me, that basically like grew up under a military dictatorship, and yet, the visual of that, knowing somehow, at such a young age, that if my parents were there, they would take them away, and maybe kill them. The way that that lived almost like a kind of supernatural presence in my imagination, was so weird. And then we watched so many movies, and I remember seeing Indiana Jones like running across the plane field with Karen Allen in that white dress and—Karen Allen looked so much like my mother and so I started to imagine things like that, like my father and mother hand in hand like running as like they were being shot at across like a dusty sort of uh, airplane field, what do you call them?

SF: Well you said earlier that, in being interested in Blood Simple, you were searching for a kind of drama, which is kind of surprising considering where you come from, the drama is kind of built in.

P: Yeah. And we’re not talking about it, either. There was a very dramatic mo—

SF: You and your parents aren’t talking about it.

P: No, no, not at all. Nor any of the family members that made it over to us in Texas from Chile. And there was a very dramatic moment in our house when I was a child, ‘cause this Costa-Gavras movie called Missing, with Sissy Spacek and Jack Lemmon, which deals with the military dictatorship in Chile at the time, it’s a true story where an American journalist went missing and was found dead. I remember watching this at home on cable, and there was a moment where Sissy Spacek’s character, she doesn’t make it home before curfew. And she just kind of gets trapped in the city, and um, again, sort of a beautiful, small-framed woman that reminded me so much of my mother and I sort of projected these images of my mother into these characters’ circumstances, and I just remember completely falling apart when she was in danger, when she was so afraid, and imagining that that could have happened to my mother. I remember, yeah, having a little bit of a breakdown.

SF: Well it’s almost like, in the house no one in the family talked about it, and it took film from Hollywood to kind of give language to something no one was giving language to.

P: Yeah. And you know, I could sit through anything at the time and I remember just starting to cry and being like, I can’t watch this. And I was like, gosh, I don’t know, I must have been like, eight?

SF: You’re asking me like I know.

P: Yeah, how old was I?

SF: Maybe eight, that sounds right. Because by the time you’re 12, your family moves to Orange County. You said, “When I was 12 years old, we already enjoyed a very privileged situation and compared to others I was quite a spoiled boy.” Was that true?

P: Yeah, I was spoiled, you know. Our dad was taking us to the movies all the time, we had cable television… You know, eventually once we got into high school years, my mother had found this performing arts program that I had auditioned for and got into, I didn’t like have to work during school, they weren’t comfortable with um, that getting in the way of school work. They didn’t buy me a car, I got like the hand-me-down Volvo for sure. I think culturally what it means to spoil your kid in Chile, at least then, is a little different. Although certainly I was developing needs from lots of John Hughes movies that I was watching when I was a kid, and my dad would literally be like, “Who the hell—” (laughs) you know? Being allowed to see everything, you know, there was one movie I wasn’t allowed to see.

SF: Which one?

P: The Breakfast Club. (laughs) I was dying to see it, I was desperate to see it, and I wasn’t allowed, the argument being it was rated R, but I was like, but, so was First Blood, and you took me to the movies to see that, you know? Essentially, what I came to understand was that my father was like, here are these kids, complaining about their parents (laughs) through the whole movie, their lives look pretty good to me, so no, you’re not seeing that movie.

SF: I like the idea that your dad actually went to go see the movie first, like he screened it for himself, is like, you know what, this is not a picture for my son, he’s gonna start resenting us, he’s gonna develop all these bad habits…

P: Yeah, getting those kind of ideas, like—

SF: He’s smoking weed, then—can’t have that.

P: Yeah, yeah. We could see The Big Chill, you know… the sex, and violence, whatever, but not kids complaining—he’s like, you’re not getting any ideas from this thing.

SF: Was it in high school that you started to develop an interest in acting?

P: No, I wanted to—that was why my mom found this performing arts program, because it was sort of this fantasy that I was sharing with everybody at a very very young age. You know, I knew I wanted to be in movies, started talking about it when I was 7 years old.

SF: And what did people say when you said that?

P: They thought it was cute. I would imagine that maybe I kind of, when given the opportunity to get attention, I would seize it, and entertain and, either annoy or really seduce an audience, as far as um, parents’ friends and stuff were concerned. So maybe they were like yeah, you know, you definitely need a lot of attention. Nobody seemed surprised.

SF: He either needs therapy or he needs acting.

P: (laughing) And I got both. You know, as soon as we moved to California, at the age of—I was 11 turning 12—I immediately was like, oh, we’re getting closer and closer to Hollywood (laughs). You know, really.

SF: That was actually in your head?

P: Absolutely. And so, my mother found like a summer program at South Coast Repertory in Costa Mesa—this was before I got to high school. Other friends found this like, uh, children’s acting program at Laguna Beach, and I auditioned for the kid’s show at the Laguna Beach Playhouse, and got the lead. Uh, it was a play called Wiley and the Hairy Man, and I was Wiley. You know, so at that point, alright, he’s really into this, he doesn’t want to swim anymore, let’s just keep him occupied, and so they didn’t mind it at all as far as how much it kept me out of the house—you know, kept me from wanting to sit in front of the TV all day. Which I do now! ‘Cause I’m an adult and I got what I want. (laughs)

SF: You hear that, kids? If you grow up you can just sit around and watch yourself on TV. (laughs) Oh sorry, he didn’t mention that—

P: (laughing) I didn’t say watch myself!

SF: —he only watches things that he’s in. Or things that he auditioned for and he didn’t get.

P: (laughing) Exactly. Over and over and over again.

SF: We’re not gonna go down that list. It’s, it’d be too—

P: It’s too long.

SF: It’s too fucking long.

P: (laughs) It’s too fuckin’ long, that’s for sure.

SF: The day that changed you, as I understand it—senior year of high school, a friend of your mother’s gives you tickets to Angels in America, downtown Los Angeles, at the Mark Taper?

P: Yeah, before Broadway.

SF: Walk me through that day, that performance.

P: Basically, my mother’s friend said she had theater tickets to something that started at 3 in the afternoon and ended, you know, after 10 PM. And didn’t have the back for it, like, had back issues and so if I wanted these tickets, I could take a friend and she’d give me a note to get out of school early and drive to the Taper and see this play. She didn’t know what it was, and neither did I, but I was like, fuck yeah, get out of school early, go see a play, hell yeah. And it was Oskar Eustis’s production of Angels in America. I think it’s probably one of the 20th century’s, like, most important pieces of literature, much less theater. ‘Cause if you read it on the page it’s as good as a book, you know? And so, I saw that, with this underdeveloped brain, and it was about everything. And I remember it very vividly, so much so that I haven’t really been able to see other versions of it, because of how indelibly marked that first experience was.

SF: What elements in it spoke to you?

P: It just was so fantastic in concept and in drama. I’m sure there were a ton of things that were over my head. It was overtly sexual, it was overtly political, it was overtly intellectual, it was overtly emotional, and so there was just, the visceral experience of these very well-written scenes for one, and these hyper-intellectual speeches, monologues, opening each kind of chapter of the play. And, the political history of it all, and—you know, you started to hear about AIDS before we all hit puberty in my generation, and so little information on that, and I think sex for all of us just seemed so scary.

SF: It seemed scary to you?

P: It seemed scary to all of us, all my friends, you know what I mean? Like, the idea of like, you know, um, being reckless around sex seemed like it just would have such consequences at that point it didn’t matter if you were gay or straight, you know? As we were sort of entering into that phase in life, we started to, you know, look for s—(laughs) have sex, basically. And so, it was just—dealt with all of these things kind of head on—I didn’t know about Roy Cohn, I didn’t know about the Rosenbergs, and I didn’t know enough about McCarthysim, and all of these things, so it just kind of blew my brain wide open. But it was also like an incredible production and the acting was so fierce and I remember particularly between Harper and uh, the character of Harper, the Mormon couple, and Prior and Louis and the way that they had these like, simultaneous kinds of fights, and I just remember being blown away.

SF: Politically and creatively, this piece spoke to you, and it clearly awoke something in a young, 18-year-old version of yourself.

P: I also remember around this time, like, the kinds of impression that certain things made, with movies as well, I remember seeing Sex, Lies, and Videotape, and this four-character piece and just sort of getting into my system. I remember a teacher doing Ntozake Shange’s For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/When the Rainbow is Enuf, and they literally just… completely laying me out in terms of how dramatically effective these things were in that particular form, that play, that movie, but also like, what you were learning as a kid, you know.

SF: However it happened, it stirred something inside of you that made you think, I should go to New York, attend NYU, and try to make a go at this.

P: Yeah.

SF: You’re looking at me almost terrified.

P: Well there was just so many other movies that took place in New York that I had seen and I had sort of already developed—I’d gone to New York with my father when I was a kid, and I knew, and again developed this fantasy of a life that would start in, you know, first it was going to be Hollywood and then I started to understand that real actors came from New York. And I loved it there. I really did. When I was a kid, I saw Little Shop of Horrors. You know that 2nd Avenue theater where, in ’93 David Mamet’s Oleanna was there and then Stomp came and never left, Stomp was there and I think is still there, as far as I know. And that’s where I find, a little in awe of the privilege sometimes because I had these sort of fantasies that I believed—that I ended up having access to, and also just believed intrinsically that would happen. I got into NYU, my parents did not want me to go. They nearly didn’t let me go. ‘Cause, in our house, like, you had to do well in school, and you had to get into college, and then the rest of it it didn’t matter what you were doing. If these things were being accomplished, if these boxes were being checked, then they didn’t care if you were fucking or doing drugs—you know, and so—

SF: But they did let you go.

P: They did, they ended up letting me go to NYU, yeah. And so I went there. A rude awakening.

SF: Which part?

P: Living there. (laughs) Going from being a spoiled kid in Orange County, a relatively sheltered kid in Orange County, to um, living in New York and living in those winters and everyone way cooler than you, more talented, better I—you know, smarter, sort of like, thinking that you’re the shit and then realizing that you are in-sig-nif-icant, you know? And everyone has as much ambition as you, and just finding space for yourself and the kind of existential sort of confrontation that it was to kind of be in a much, much bigger world.

SF: As you start to find your footing in New York, is there any point in college where you started to think, okay maybe this acting thing, it can happen for me? I feel comfortable in this.

P: There was a classmate of mine my freshman year, this amazing actor named Eugene Byrd, who had started very early. He’s from Philadelphia and he’s still, you know, going today, he’s fantastic. And he had professional representation. In his generosity, he said, I think you should meet my manager, I think you’re really good. And I met his manager, so, before I ended up graduating NYU I was being sent on auditions, because I had professional representation. And to me, so that left me under the impression that it was just going to happen, like immediately.

SF: You do get two quick breaks, don’t you?

P: Well, you know, one of the things that happened while I was still in school, I went to an open call for a movie called Primal Fear. Got called back for it, called back for it again, and screen tested for it.

SF: For the Ed Norton role?

P: Yeah. I think it was something that Leonardo DiCaprio was gonna do, and then that didn’t happen so they started looking. And it was like, the big sought after role. I didn’t get it. It left me with the impression that, while being heartbroken over that, I’ll get the next one. Of course, I did not, and then I did not, and then I did not, and then I did not.

SF: Until… you got the role on Buffy?

P: I did get a part on Buffy, which was incredibly exciting to me. It was the first episode of the fourth season, like one scene and I got killed, and I couldn’t have been more excited about it.

SF: So you have representation, you’re 22, 23. Agent, manager, have a couple parts in something—

P: Got my SAG… job, you know.

SF: Oh you got your SAG? So you had some footing.

P: Oh yeah. Yeah, I thought so.

SF: How does a 23-year-old you make sense of your mom’s passing at that age?

P: It was obviously very traumatic. And, uh, the circumstance of it, is one that uh… Because she died in Chile it means, um, the services are immediate. They don’t, uh, embalm. So it was—it was getting the news and then getting on a plane and flying overnight to Santiago to go to the funeral.

SF: So you take a plane from New York—

P: From LA, I was in Los Angeles when I found out. ‘Cause I’d been testing for a pilot called Dark Angel, which was a really big deal at the time because it was sort of the first thing that James Cameron’s name was attached to after Titanic. And it was like a supporting role, it was like, you know, number four on the call sheet for—which again was gonna be the thing that was gonna change my life.

SF: Instead your life changes in a completely different way.

P: Yeah.

SF: On that plane ride, what’s going through your head?

P: You know, I can’t say I know. I remember that there was a man sitting next to me. He didn’t know what was going on. But, airline travel is often a pretty hostile experience. (laughs) I just remember that there was a man sitting next to me and he was just kind of protective in a way. He could see that I was obviously going through something, and I remember—I don’t know, I don’t know, maybe the stewardess was like, I wasn’t very responsive or something, and she wasn’t, like, being sensitive to something that was pretty obviously going on, and he kind of answered for me and he was a complete stranger. He was like, “he said he doesn’t want,” you know, “he said he doesn’t want it.” And, um, I just can remember that. And, I obviously didn’t sleep, and it’s an overnight flight, and so then you go and… It was summer in Chile as well, so it was very beautiful out, and, um, it was a very beautiful day. And none of that seemed to coincide very well with what was happening. And so, I—I remember it being an unbelievable thing to get through, to be honest with you.

SF: What do you mean by unbelievable?

P: I… I just loved her so much, and uh, she was just kind of the, you know, love of my life in a way and, um. The world doesn’t stop, and the sun doesn’t stop shining, and it was meant to. You know, emotionally, it was hard for me to register, just to comprehend that you could be in a car going to a cremation service and see a family kind of like playing in the yard. Experiencing something so drastically different, right in front of you.

SF: That other people could be experiencing joy.

P: Not even mildly, you know, like a beautiful summer day, and, uh, I—I remember that more than anything. Everything stopped, and I was very resentful that nothing stopped.

SF: That’s kind of the most unnerving part of people dying in your life, which is that they mean so much—in your case, she meant everything—and yet the world continues on.

P: Yeah. I had a hard time with that. Part of carrying on was wanting to get work, and yet it seemed so absurd to feel preoccupied by an audition for maybe a television show or something like that, or a beer commercial.

SF: It felt silly, in contrast to what had happened.

P: Yeah, yeah. It was just too… It seemed too ridiculous, and I did—I did kind of, ‘cause I was kind of—the plan was to stick it out in Los Angeles and, having gotten my Buffy, and like, a theater award, you know, I was like, oh, wow, it’s going really good for me in LA, I’ll stay. But, I think I understood that I didn’t feel like it was—it’s not the, it’s not… I love LA, but it isn’t necessarily the most nurturing environment, you know? It can be nurturing in terms of like going to the beach and going hiking and shit like that, but. Emotionally, it’s a challenge I think for everybody, often. And so, I understood pretty clearly that I wouldn't, I don’t know, that I was in jeopardy of not being able to process this. So I moved back to New York.

SF: You throw yourself into it.

P: Yeah, the original goal was to go out there and to do theater and to be a real actor and everything like that and so I must make meaning out of my life. Big mistake. (laughs) Big mistake. New York was like, “really? You’re back? Yeah, and what?” Um, “back to, back to the restaurant, kid.” ‘Cause I graduated from NYU and I had spent a really brutal year after my graduation, waiting tables and not getting anything, and then being convinced to get out to LA and to give it a shot out there. And getting, you know, a SAG job and testing for a pilot, et cetera. So when I went back to New York… (laughs) You know, no matter what it is, whenever it comes down, I—I wouldn’t want to dissuade anybody from being romantic about their lives, or their goals, but it wasn’t a very practical thing to do, and it felt like a really huge detour, because… I got dropped by my agents, and I couldn’t get arrested, and then 9/11 happened, and it was just a really crazy crazy crazy time.

SF: You said once in an interview, “I had to let go of so many ideas I had about what the pursuit of this career was going to be. It’s a child’s fantasy. There were opportunities, the close call started early for me, but, it didn’t pan out. You find yourself suddenly in your mid-30s and can’t live off the next off Broadway show.”

P: Yeah.

SF: How did you keep going when nothing was working out?

P: I… was a waiter. (laughs) A bad one. But how I got through it was friends and family, really. I don’t want to be too sentimental but, uh, you know, my sister was there to bail me out of anything. She lived in New York for some of that, and I guess, as an adult you develop your own family, which I, uh, had to do and, uh very, very, very close relationships. There was just always somebody to bail me out and cheer me on. And so, I, I don’t really know, it’s sort of like, there was always just a little something to keep you going. I got (laughs), I got a play, I remember losing my representation, and there was an audition that had been scheduled before I got dropped, and I think the only reason that I had been submitted for it was because the character’s first name was Pascal. And it was a world premiere of a play at the Merrimack Repertory Theater in Lowell, Massachusetts, outside of Boston. And I was like, when you got that sort of brutal phone call from the agent saying that, uh, “we are no longer going to represent you,” and you say, “well what about that appointment on Thursday? Do I still go?” and they’re like, “Yeah, sure.” So I went, and uh, I got that part (laughs) and I went to Lowell, Massachusetts, to do this play, I think it was called Fallen. This incredible actress named Monique Fowler was in the play and, I don’t know, we just became friends. She realized what my situation was and was like, “I’ll introduce you to my agent,” I met him and went to an excellent, smaller kind of boutique agency, and that sort of got the ball rolling in terms of regional theater. I think the next thing was a play in Washington, D.C., at the Shakespeare Theater Company, and then a tiny theater in Cape Cod, and I really started to do the regional thing. Went out to Oregon, did Massachusetts quite a few times, did D.C. quite a few times.

SF: So it was starting to come together, piece by piece.

P: Yeah. Piece by piece in terms of like, very far away, you know, outside of the radar professional work, which again started to feel… really important to me, as far as these were big, exciting wins. Also, I didn’t have any experience in classical, uh, training, and would get cast in a production of Hamlet, or Troilus and Cressida, and you know, sort of turn this professional environment into training grounds, and that was cool. And then I got my first play in New York, an off Broadway premiere of a Nilo Cruz play called The Beauty of the Father, and this was the first play produced in New York after he had just won the Pulitzer for Anna in the Tropics. Really big deal. Some nobody named Oscar Isaac was one of the other leads, and that got things sort of going within the off Broadway community a little bit. Took a long time, took years. I had gotten back to New York in August of ’01, went into rehearsals for that play in the winter of ’05. And those years in between felt like a lifetime.

SF: And even from ’05 leading up to Game of Thrones in 2014—

P: (laughs) Yeah

SF: You’re putting it together, piece by piece, somehow remaining undeterred by what I’m sure was an immense amount of failure, and rejection. A longtime friend of yours, and great actor, Sarah Paulson, said of you, “He has a rather righteous sense of self. When I look back at it now, I do know there was always this voice deep down inside of him, that said some day he was going to do what he wanted to do, in the manner in which he wanted to do it.”

P: I wish she had told me that.

SF: She told the New York Times that.

P: (laughs) Because in the meantime she was like, giving me her per diem cash, to help me buy groceries. She bailed me out of so many things, I can’t tell you. She—very soon after my mother had passed, I didn’t have a car in LA and she made her younger sister give me her car. I think that her sister had an alternative but um, basically, those kinds of lifesaving moments. Maybe that is the thing that unconsciously does kind of, sort of keep you going, this sort of sense of self that she was able to identify. I had a really hard time identifying that.

SF: You yourself?

P: Yeah, for sure. What it started to feel like, as you got older and start to get into your 30s and you’re still doing this and you’re still going on auditions and everything, and… you’re not developing other skills—if you’re me. (laughs)

SF: And you start to think, maybe it’s too late to develop other skills?

P: I did, it’s completely too late for me to develop other skills, and so it started to feel like a kind of ruthlessly practical way of living your life. Because it was what you knew how to do, I knew how to go on auditions. It was always just enough, you know, and there would be good months, bad months, good year, bad year. And eventually it just started to become a little bit more consistent. I’ve definitely felt there was sort of, kind of a ceiling for me, in New York, that I wasn’t really graduating from as far as the theater community was concerned. There were two plays that I was up for, that I didn’t get, that would have been jobs through the winter of 2010 going into ’11. One was a revival of Angels in America, at the Signature Theater, directed by Michael Greif, and they just didn’t know where to put me in that, and then the other was, uh, I think they were moving Merchant of Venice from the Park to Broadway. I didn’t get either part, which meant that I was available for pilot season. I just started to throw my focus towards that in a really, really practical way, and again the dream sort of became, maybe getting a regular gig on a series that could help pay the rent.

SF: The pilot season works out, you get a bunch of bit parts—

P: In episodic stuff, yeah.

SF: —in a whole bunch of shows. As we leave, I want to sit with a couple things.

P: Yeah.

SF: When you get the Game of Thrones role, I think somewhere in the middle of shooting, you’re in Belfast,sitting in the great hall of the red keep, watching this big, enormous set around you come alive, and activate, and you are part of it. When you’re sitting there looking at the place you’ve landed, after all you had to go through to get to that moment, how do you sit with that now?

P: It’s definitely like one of the best days I’ve ever had.

SF: Period.

P: Period. Yeah. The set was beautiful, so many of the main players were there, I was sitting down. (laughs)

SF: That is key.

P: (laughing) Instead of like, it is key, instead of like hanging from a cliff or, you know, running, or in the elements, you’re on a set, you’re sitting down, and um, you have a view of everything, from where I was sitting. All the background players in their costumes. It was wonderful. (laughs) It was wonderful. I definitely had let go of expectations like that. Really, you know?

SF: Of that dream you had as a kid.

P: Yeah, of having a job of that caliber. Because, again, like I say, like, getting one of the Law and Order episodes at the time felt like a really huge win. You know, the dream was sort of happening, and so, the size of it had just been so adjusted over the years. When I was a child, I dreamed of sitting in a chair on a show in a scene like that, playing a part like that. I remember being kind of really triggered by the audition process of Game of Thrones because I hadn’t made myself totally invulnerable to the desire for a role that could prove successful, but I had definitely created sort of a healthier expectation around work. And when that started to be challenged again, it really scared me. I was like, oh gosh, it doesn’t feel safe to want something as much as I want this, you know? I had learned that that’s very painful.

SF: Because you had been disappointed too often.

P: (laughs) So often. We’re starting with Primal Fear at the age of 19 and I’m like 38 at this point, and it—Primal Fear wasn’t the only one, you know? There were many in between, close calls. And so being able to sit there and being like, gee, I got this part, I’m doing this part, yeah, it was a moment I really enjoyed, to say the least.

SF: It’s like, you had this childhood dream, the dream worked out a little bit, and very quickly, in your early 20s, then the world kind of came crashing down on you and it made you reset your expectations…

P: Yeah.

SF: And by the time you’re in your early 40s, you’re thinking, it’s just too dangerous, emotionally, to want something again.

P: Yeah.

SF: But to bring it full circle, you’ve done so much in the last five years, that childhood dream has been actualized, and yet I’m curious for you as we leave, did you get what you wanted?

P: Yeah, more than what I wanted. I think that, uh, you have to maintain a relationship to the innocence of your imagination, and also parent it with reality, and keep yourself in check because nothing is ever enough, if you aren’t in a relationship to truth—whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.

SF: I was going to ask you—

P: (laughs) Yeah, what is truth?

SF: What is truth to you? At this point, you’re 47 now. Or at the very least, what is your truth?

P: Be good to yourself and be good to people. If you want to do any good, you gotta be good, and that’s gotta start with yourself and those that are important to you. And I guess I would say that relationships and having good relationships is more important to me than everything that’s been going on for the last five years, and I know that that’s going to be the sustaining thing, so that’s what I want to—so it’s a matter of staying in relationship to that and also to how fucking exciting it is for Nicolas Cage to be your scene partner on the first day of work. You know, having been flown out of the Los Angeles apocalypse of the pandemic—of 2020, you know, and starting a shoot day in Dubrovnik, Croatia, where your head was split open in Game of Thrones. Like spitting distance from the arena where I shot that fight. Really “pinch me” kind of shit.

SF: It’s always a challenge to remind yourself to kind of pinch yourself and to be like, oh you know, things are kind of working out. And early on in this conversation, you said, you were a little confused by the fact that you and your sister were two of 34 members of your family to remain in America at that time when you came here. I’m thinking about that now because you have this quote here, you said, “I can’t even imagine everything my parents had to go through when they escaped from Chile. And that has left me with an inhereritance of guilt that perhaps has determined the way in which my brothers and I navigate the world.” That guilt that anyone who grows up with some privilege has, whether your parents fled a dictatorship or not, do you still carry that? Or are you now at this point in your life, able to let it go?

P: Mm, we carry it. You know, it’s a generational thing. I think in spite of what my parents went through, they were also very lucky. I think that they carry the guilt of the humble beginnings of their parents. It’s very contradictory because I feel like they didn’t set any limitations, because both my sisters and my brother have been kind of uncompromising in terms of what their pursuits are, and how important their relationships are. And um, out of the four of us, I—maybe they would be very hurt to hear this—I am so attached to them, like I cling to them so much, which—for, I guess, obvious reasons. I wonder what it is about my parents that made us feel such permission to be and do what we want. And so I guess, for that not to have the clearest shape, the most solid shape to just put in front of myself makes me—it isn’t guilt, necessarily, but it is just sort of, you know, some kind of, I don’t know, some sort of like duty, don’t, you know—be grateful. I don’t know, you know? I wish I could—this isn’t necessarily something that I’ve kind of like figured out.

SF: What were you thinking?

P: I was just thinking about the mystery of it, in terms of how there’s still sort of making sense of things and putting it all together and making shape of it. So that you can kind of see it and just try to understand all of the events that have led to me just sitting in front of you and talking about it. I don’t really know how to piece it together, or what it—what it actually means, and—I guess what I was just doing now is just kind of staring blankly at the mystery of, of what does it all mean? (laughs) Oh god. This is the end, right? (laughs) We’ve gotta… You’ve gotta stop me. (laughs) I’m just gonna stop talking so that I don’t continue.

SF: You’re too hard on yourself.

P: I know. God, I hear that a lot. That’s part—that’s a goal. Stop being so hard on yourself.

SF: I don’t know why your parents gave you the permission they did, to be the creative person that you’ve become, but I think I speak for many people listening that I’m glad that they gave you that permission, and uh, I’m grateful you’ve made good use of it.

P: Thank you, Sam.

SF: Are you okay?

P: I am. (laughs) I’m feeling vulnerable but it’s, that’s a good thing.

SF: Thank you for being vulnerable.

P: You’re welcome.

SF: Pedro, lovely to meet you.

P: Lovely to meet you too, Sam. Thank you.

#pedro pascal #talk easy podcast #interview

504 notes · View notes

kazoohaa · 2 years

Note

Boyfriend headcanon for Jamil please, thank you 😙

𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒. twisted wonderland

— notes. i'm sorry this was super late aaaaa ,, i hope i was able to portray his character accurately

— details. jamil viper x gn!reader. fluff.

like most of the twst boys (especially as part of the overblot squad), jamil would take a while to fully trust you and make sense of the emotions that he’s feeling, and when he finally felt comfortable and brave enough, that’s when he confessed to you <3

he really doesn’t know how to act in a relationship like this, but eventually he’ll get used to the flow

being around jamil means that you’re certainly becoming fast friends with kalim. he asks tons of questions at the start, like, “how did you meet??” “what do you guys do together??” “so YOU’RE the one jamil talks about!!” “ahaha! that sounds really cute! i should’ve thrown a banquet in celebration when the two of you got together!!!”

jamil facepalms in the background

you help him with chores and stuff he needs to do for kalim. at first he was hesitant, because are you looking down on him..?? do you think he really needs help?? or he just isn’t sure if he’d be able to trust someone else other than himself with something which he’s used to doing alone, but he remembered that youre genuinely trying to give him a hand, and that’s what you do for each other

exchanging clothes becomes a regular thing and he finds himself not being surprised at all when he finds one of his hoodies or another item of clothing you are known to be fond of just disappears, or if he sees some of your stuff appear among his own. why'd you have to take his favourite hoodie though >:(

he also ends up cooking an extra serving of food for you while making meals for kalim, it quickly became a habit to include something for you when he’s cooking. he always makes sure that the food he gives you is a good balance of healthiness, and that you aren’t always eating junk foods or sweets.

omg help him with cooking!! or have him teach you!! just a soft quiet personal moment between just the two of you, standing alone in the scarabia kitchens while he guides your hands and gives instructions on how to make certain dishes and how to make the flavours stand out

he doesnt have too much free time with all the responsibilities he’s got, so bonding over the chores he does is a nice way to spend time together

if you need help with homework, he’d definitely be willing to teach you some stuff and get you through the material you need to study. kalim also occasionally joins your study sessions (after lots of bugging from jamil to complete his work).

also you better be okay w bugs and being the Bug Exterminator for him because he’s going to set the entire school on fire in a panic trying to kill a bug in the corner. please save him

otherwise it’s just both of you running for your lives after seeing a centipede on the floor or something

#🗒 . writing #💌 . mail #twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland #twst #jamil viper #jamil viper x reader

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canyouhearthelight · 1 year

Text

The Miys, Ch. 220

First things first: Reader shout outs to

@israfel00

@freakfagot

@lwgph

@butterflies-orgasms

A couple of these names are not new, but I still wanted to extend some appreciation.

Also, thank you to @baelpenrose for helping me get over the over-thinking this chapter and the next one or two.

Content warnings on this chapter for:

Mention of Nazis

Mention of genocidal acts

Mention of the “Saffron Terror” which is not the politically correct name for the event but is, unfortunately, the one that leads to accurate results on Western Google. (Please tell me the correct name if you know it, and I will change it. I hate having to use that name so that people can look it up and get the facts)

Historical recounting of being in a concentration camp. It was way worse to hear in person when I was fourteen years old, and the details are worse, but the facts are accurate. Unfortunately.

Due to the number and severity of the warnings, TL;DR: Sophia and Parvati talk. Parvati isn’t ready to come back to work yet, but they meet at the Undine to talk things over.

Still working on the buffer, but... happy new year, everyone.

The day after I pitched the concept of giving everyone on the ship the chance to pitch every functional idea they had as alternatives to outright killing the Eko-mari once we were on the planet, Parvati sent me a message that she wanted to meet and talk on neutral ground. As much as I wanted to believe this was a coincidence, there was a non-zero chance that she had been copied on the recording of the session. If it meant she was willing to talk, however, I honestly didn’t care.

That is exactly what I reminded myself hours later, when I was sipping a drink in the Undine and evaluating the merit of the soft music that was playing. It was something with soft horns, very mellow. I kept expecting it to crescendo, but instead it would smooth back out like a lazy river. Very good choice, overall.

“Seriously?”

I was snapped out of my soft, grey headspace to look up at a dark and disappointed eyebrow.

“It’s virgin,” I told Parvati, wiggling my bloody mary at her.

She shook her head and took a seat. “I pity whoever your doctor ends up being. Your blood pressure must be insane.”

Snapping my fingers, I winked at her. “Joke’s on you. My blood pressure is around my ankles somewhere, always has been. Super efficient kidneys or something. Tyche’s even worse off.”

“Must be nice,” she whistled softly.

“Spoken by someone who has clearly never had to genuinely worry about fainting every time they stand up.” I cleared my throat. “But you aren’t here to talk about my health. How are you feeling?”

“Not ready to come back to work, for sure,” she sighed, waving Sebastian over. “Wine, please. Just bring the bottle. And a carafe of water.”

He glanced at me and held up two fingers. Draining my salty tomato juice, I nodded. “No rush on coming back to work. You’re only missing the riveting world of housing assignments and bivouac suit inventory.”

“Thrilling,” she deadpanned before smiling gently. “I do plan on coming back, just not yet. I need some perspective that isn’t coming from the Council or someone adjacent…. I’ve basically been couch-surfing for the past week, because I couldn’t sleep in my quarters or be around Xiomara without questioning my life choices.” She sighed again. “Xio doesn’t deserve that.”

“Parvati… Please tell me you’ve talked to her already?”

“Pfft! Sorry, Sebastian, that wasn’t about you. You’re lovely,” she responded as he returned. He grinned, shaking his head, and once he had opened the wine and stepped away, she continued. “I wouldn’t be here if I couldn’t face her first. That would be beyond cowardly, not to mention cruel. No, I spoke with her yesterday, as soon as I was in the right mindset.”

Oh. “So… this isn’t directly because of the proposal to the Council?”

“Not immediately, no. I’ll admit that this meeting happened much sooner because of it, but I was meeting her for breakfast when I got the notification. This would have happened eventually.”

“Thank fuck,” I exhaled. “Theoretically, our department is over-staffed and can survive without you. In reality, I was wracking my brain to figure out if there was anything I could do without directly reaching out to you. I wasn’t expecting you to reach out until maybe a week or three before planetfall.”

“I was pretty angry,” she admitted, finishing her first glass of water and pouring each of us one of wine. “But then I remembered someone else.”

“Who?”

She shook her head before repeating herself, enunciating carefully. “Someone. Else. I remembered Else.”

Even more confused, I cut my glance over to the nearby wall, where multiple fist-sized puffballs trundled and chirped happily in tune with the music. “Vati, you love Else. You event plan around them. What was there to remember?”

Delicately, she held a finger out and picked one up. “I was walking in the corridors, just wandering… And two people were arguing - ironically about the Eko-mari. I didn’t even realize that was what they were talking about when I walked past.” Holding the puff to her face, she nudged it with her nose playfully. “And they I heard one say ‘It’s not like they’re Else, is it?’.”

Oh.

She kept going, petting the Else-chick gently with one finger despite how upset she sounded. “And yeah, they’re cute and useful… now. But they weren’t originally. In fact, they were killing us. They almost did kill several people. It was a close call.”

As much as I wanted to politely say ‘I know’, there was no way for it to sound anything other than sarcastic. Instead, I literally bit my tongue and let her get her mind together.

It didn’t take long. “But we actively saved them. Not just that, we made sure they were given every chance to thrive - a nebula, a ferrous planet, and we brought them with us. Even knowing they could kill us at the time, with no guarantee that the fact would change.” Ruffling the chick elicited a trilling coo, and she smiled. “Humans do that, don’t we? We domesticated predators to the point that we can’t be happy without them… We can survive, but we would be very sad. We love and we love, to the point that we wanted to befriend a lethal emergent species and make allies of a fleet of nightmares.”

By this point, her hands were trembling with emotion, even as she stroked her cheek with the bright yellow ball of chirping fluff. “Charly and you would never go along with outright killing someone if there was any other option,” she whispered hoarsely. “I don’t understand what tells you both, and several others, that it’s the best option, but I knew even before the communication this morning that you would have found another way if there was one.”

“Is that why you’re here?” I asked. “To find out what we understand that you don’t?”

“It’s essential,” she confirmed. “Not just to our role, but to my mind. What am I not seeing?”

At this point, I was flat out confused. I carefully set my glass down, turning it slowly as I tried to think. “Parvati,” I started hesitantly. “When we say the Eko-mari aren’t like Else… Else was emergent, right? They were basically destructive children who didn’t know any better. When a child throws something that feels good to throw, you don’t kill them if they break a window or hit their sibling in the eye with it. You teach them better, right?”

She nodded and gently placed Else back on the wall with the rest.

Bracing, I forced myself to continue. “The Eko-mari aren’t children. They were warring with people from other worlds when we were figuring out how to rub sticks together and make fire. It was in the Galactic Curriculum, we all took it.” I paused and she nodded to confirm. “Okay, so… They aren’t children who don’t know better. They’re… they’re space Nazis,” I finished lamely.

Contrary to her quiet demeanor to this point, her head dropped back, her hands fisted hard enough to whiten her knuckles, and I could hear her teeth clench and grind from where I was sitting. After a low growl, her head snapped up like a woman possessed. “Stop. Saying. That. Word,” she hissed between her teeth. “It doesn’t mean to me what it does to you!”

That was unexpected. I blinked silently and let her keep going.

She blew several breaths from her nose, smoothing her hands flat across the table. “I’m not stupid, I know Nazis were bad. I’m pretty sure everyone on Earth was aware of that. But I did not have family or neighbors, or the family of neighbors who were impacted by it like so many people seem to have. Yes, my country sent soldiers to war. Yes, we hosted an Allied base. Our people starved in droves, but it was due to the choices of the British. Nothing new there. Nazis are, largely, academic to me. But they lost, and as you are so fond of saying, winners write history.”

“This is why I was so frustrated,” she seethed, impressing me with her ability to keep from shouting, “The Baconist Rebellion? I remember. Nihilous Rex? All too well. But even those don’t elicit that gut-level response so many of you have.” Four long, slow breaths as she rolled her glass between her hands, collecting the cool condensation before rubbing it on her throat to cool down. “But Alistair said something else… he called them fascists.” The word sounded funny, telling me it had been translated and translated back. “By the time I had calmed down, I was sitting in the Archive, trying to find peace.”

Arminta was strict about quiet in the Archives, even more so than Alistair had been. I wasn’t surprised when anyone went there looking for quiet and solitude.

“I started doing research - honest to gods, hands on paper research. After all, if what Odvub had said about the Eko-mari was true, I couldn’t trust the digital system with this.” The tension melted from her as she recalled it, and I was more than a little envious. “Topic notwithstanding, it was lovely. But I found what had been tickling my mind about fascists - what the press called the ‘Saffron Terror’.” Given the way she spat the words, I immediately logged them as one to avoid. “In the first decade of the millennium, there was a huge Hindu ethno-nationalist movement. I remember my parents whispering about where the most recent bombing were, praying for people in whispers, and not understanding until I was older that they were praying for the Muslims who had been killed.”

She choked up, causing her to pour and chug two glasses of water before she could compose herself. “I was the Germans,” she whispered. “My family weren’t the Nazis, but we were definitely the Germans. Not even the kind who can say we hid Jewish people.”

“Vati…”

She snapped her fingers in front of my face. “No. We do not pity me. We do not. I learn, and we move forward.” Snap, snap, snap. “I am better than that. Pita did not raise a coward.” Once she was sure I was listening, she relaxed slightly. “That was when I knew I needed to speak with Xiomara. I came here to understand what it is from the side of the people attacked so I can understand.”

I sat back, chin pulled tight to my throat. “Parvati…” I waved at myself: blonde, blue eyed, wide hips. “I have no clue. Only thing my family was victim of was being poor and mostly pagan. And that second one quit being a killing offense wayyyy beyond living memory.”

“Then I will ask someone else, again, as soon as I can. Why do you have such a reaction?”

“Oh, that’s easier,” I exhaled, relieved. “When we were learning about the Holocaust in school, the teacher played a recording of a woman… Miss Rose. She had only passed somewhat recently - my teacher filmed this interview, and it was less than twenty years old at the time. Maybe closer to ten?” I thought for a moment before shuddering. “Miss Rose had survived Buchenwald, one of the concentration camps. The things she talked about… and she was so detached. There’s something you recognize, that you identify with, when someone has survived abuse and treats it like just a part of life. But this was - it was so far above and beyond anything I would ever experience, and she talked about it like it was being spanked for punching her sibling. ‘These little holes are scars from where the mites would eat into us’. So casual…” I shook my head to snap my way out of the memory. “You don’t forget that. I’ve watched interviews with serial killers that didn’t hold a candle to the chills that video gave me. And she survived. How much worse happened to the ones who didn’t?”

It was her turn to blink at me. “What the hell is happening in NorthAm schools?” she hissed to herself before making a comical voice. “Oh, yes, let’s traumatize the children.” Rolling her eyes, she turned back to me with a softer look. “But it makes sense. Still, you have to use a different word if you want everyone to understand what you’re saying.”

I spread my hands, palms open. “As you are aware, I am open to suggestions.”

Planting her index finger firmly on the table, she started stabbing out her points. “Just say fascist, and include a link.” Thunk. “Better yet, have Arthur - no, Simon - record a short lesson on it and send it out as required prior to voting for or against the original plan.” Thunk. “Definitely Simon, but anyway…. So people know what they are voting on, not just ‘Fascists equal bad’.” Thunk “Nils wasn’t the first to call his enemies that name, whether it was true or not. Mandatory informed decisions are better.”

“As much as I love the suggestion, I don’t like having to explain to Arthur why he’s not doing the lesson.”

She flipped her hair over her left shoulder. “I will tell him, and make it clear he does not have a choice.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a threat or a promise, but I’m not arguing. Cheers.”

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#the miys #found family #hard conversations #original fiction #historical basis #tw: genocide #tw: holocaust #tw: saffron terror #tw: abuse #tw: trauma #humans are weird #haw #hfy

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