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#not my best writing but i think it gets the gist
alfheimr · 8 days
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My Favorite Cheap Art Trick: Gradient Maps and Blending Modes
i get questions on occasion regarding my coloring process, so i thought i would do a bit of a write up on my "secret technique." i don't think it really is that much of a secret, but i hope it can be helpful to someone. to that end:
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this is one of my favorite tags ive ever gotten on my art. i think of it often. the pieces in question are all monochrome - sort of.
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the left version is the final version, the right version is technically the original. in the final version, to me, the blues are pretty stark, while the greens and magentas are less so. there is some color theory thing going on here that i dont have a good cerebral understanding of and i wont pretend otherwise. i think i watched a youtube video on it once but it went in one ear and out the other. i just pick whatever colors look nicest based on whatever vibe im going for.
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this one is more subtle, i think. can you tell the difference? there's nothing wrong with 100% greyscale art, but i like the depth that adding just a hint of color can bring.
i'll note that the examples i'll be using in this post all began as purely greyscale, but this is a process i use for just about every piece of art i make, including the full color ones. i'll use the recent mithrun art i made to demonstrate. additionally, i use clip studio paint, but the general concept should be transferable to other art programs.
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for fun let's just start with Making The Picture. i've been thinking of making this writeup for a while and had it in mind while drawing this piece. beyond that, i didn't really have much of a plan for this outside of "mithrun looks down and hair goes woosh." i also really like all of the vertical lines in the canary uniform so i wanted to include those too but like. gone a little hog wild. that is the extent of my "concept." i do not remember why i had the thought of integrating a shattered mirror type of theme. i think i wanted to distract a bit from the awkward pose and cover it up some LOL but anyway. this lack of planning or thought will come into play later.
note 1: the textured marker brush i specifically use is the "bordered light marker" from daub. it is one of my favorite brushes in the history of forever and the daub mega brush pack is one of the best purchases ive ever made. highly recommend!!!
note 2: "what do you mean by exclusion and difference?" they are layer blending modes and not important to the overall lesson of this post but for transparency i wanted to say how i got these "effects." anyway!
with the background figured out, this is the point at which i generally merge all of my layers, duplicate said merged layer, and Then i begin experimenting with gradient maps. what are gradient maps?
the basic gist is that gradient maps replace the colors of an image based on their value.
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so, with this particular gradient map, black will be replaced with that orangey red tone, white will be replaced with the seafoamy green tone, etc. this particular gradient map i'm using as an example is very bright and saturated, but the colors can be literally anything.
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these two sets are the ones i use most. they can be downloaded for free here and here if you have csp. there are many gradient map sets out there. and you can make your own!
you can apply a gradient map directly onto a specific layer in csp by going to edit>tonal correction>gradient map. to apply one indirectly, you can use a correction layer through layer>new correction layer>gradient map. honestly, correction layers are probably the better way to go, because you can adjust your gradient map whenever you want after creating the layer, whereas if you directly apply a gradient map to a layer thats like. it. it's done. if you want to make changes to the applied gradient map, you have to undo it and then reapply it. i don't use correction layers because i am old and stuck in my ways, but it's good to know what your options are.
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this is what a correction layer looks like. it sits on top and applies the gradient map to the layers underneath it, so you can also change the layers beneath however and whenever you want. you can adjust the gradient map by double clicking the layer. there are also correction layers for tone curves, brightness/contrast, etc. many such useful things in this program.
let's see how mithrun looks when we apply that first gradient map we looked at.
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gadzooks. apologies for eyestrain. we have turned mithrun into a neon hellscape, which might work for some pieces, but not this one. we can fix that by changing the layer blending mode, aka this laundry list of words:
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some of them are self explanatory, like darken and lighten, while some of them i genuinely don't understand how they are meant to work and couldn't explain them to you, even if i do use them. i'm sure someone out there has written out an explanation for each and every one of them, but i've learned primarily by clicking on them to see what they do.
for the topic of this post, the blending mode of interest is soft light. so let's take hotline miamithrun and change the layer blending mode to soft light.
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here it is at 100% opacity. this is the point at which i'd like to explain why i like using textured brushes so much - it makes it very easy to get subtle color variation when i use this Secret Technique. look at the striation in the upper right background! so tasty. however, to me, these colors are still a bit "much." so let's lower the opacity.
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i think thats a lot nicer to look at, personally, but i dont really like these colors together. how about we try some other ones?
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i like both of these a lot more. the palettes give the piece different vibes, at which point i have to ask myself: What Are The Vibes, Actually? well, to be honest i didn't really have a great answer because again, i didn't plan this out very much at all. however. i knew in my heart that there was too much color contrast going on and it was detracting from the two other contrasts in here: the light and dark values and the sharp and soft shapes. i wanted mithrun's head to be the main focal point. for a different illustration, colors like this might work great, but this is not that hypothetical illustration, so let's bring the opacity down again.
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yippee!! that's getting closer to what my heart wants. for fun, let's see what this looks like if we change the blending mode to color.
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i do like how these look but in the end they do not align with my heart. oh well. fun to experiment with though! good to keep in mind for a different piece, maybe! i often change blending modes just to see what happens, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. i very much cannot stress enough that much of my artistic process is clicking buttons i only sort of understand. for fun.
i ended up choosing the gradient map on the right because i liked that it was close to the actual canary uniform colors (sorta). it's at an even lower opacity though because there was Still too much color for my dear heart.
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the actual process for this looks like me setting my merged layer to soft light at around 20% opacity and then clicking every single gradient map in my collection and seeing which one Works. sometimes i will do this multiple times and have multiple soft light and/or color layers combined.
typically at this point i merge everything again and do minor contrast adjustments using tone curves, which is another tool i find very fun to play around with. then for this piece in particular i did some finishing touches and decided that the white border was distracting so i cropped it. and then it's done!!! yay!!!!!
this process is a very simple and "fast" way to add more depth and visual interest to a piece without being overbearing. well, it's fast if you aren't indecisive like me, or if you are better at planning.
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let's do another comparison. personally i feel that the hint of color on the left version makes mithrun look just a bit more unwell (this is a positive thing) and it makes the contrast on his arm a lot more pleasing to look at. someone who understands color theory better than i do might have more to say on the specifics, but that's honestly all i got.
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just dont look at my layers too hard. ok?
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lowkeyremi · 4 months
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jjk men and aftercare pt 2 ft. Yuji, Megumi, Sukuna, Yuta, and Toge.
a/n: part 2 babyyy hope u guys enjoy, everyone (except sukuna + megumi) are more on the softer side in this i think (here's part 1)
cw: slightly suggestive, how they are after sex basically :) (all characters are aged up!!)
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Yuji Itadori
He's kind of clueless at first. No doubt he's heard about it because he was nervous about his first time and called up his long time best friend Megumi to ask about.
Of course he told him to look it up himself, which he did but he wasn't patient enough to read through it thoroughly, so he scanned through the article to get the basic idea.
"Ummm, do you want snacks? Water... uhhhhh... um.." he struggles to remember what he'd read.
"Some water would be nice to start out." To start out? What does he have to do next?
Instead of stressing though, he hops up off the bed (naked), "Okay! I'll go get you some water!!" He's quick to leave the room and retrieve a nice, cold bottle of water.
As he's about to hand it to you he snatches it back and cracks it open, "Don't want you to strain anything."
"Yuji, baby, I can open a water bottle." You giggle at how cute and careful he is.
"Oh, right! Here you go." Your fingers touch his as he hands you the bottled beverage. A small smile rises on your face and his smile widens when he sees you smiling.
You gulp down the water quickly which was a terrible idea. Small sips is always the way to go, but sex has left you parched for some odd reason.
"Do you wanna hop in the bath?" His head perks at your questions.
"Oh yeah! You probably wanna get clean, right? I'll give you a massage too if you'd like!" Who are you to tell this beautiful man, "no"?
"Of course, Yuji. Thank you for taking care of me." Pride swells inside of him at the thought of taking care of you.
Megumi Fushiguro
Sigh. Like father, like son. He's not as bad as Toji, but when you guys first slept together he rolled over and fell asleep once you came.
When you told him why you were upset his response was "at least you came, right?"
Which he admits now that that was NOT the best thing to say. He's changed since then, though.
"Here," he throws pain killers and your favorite snack at you. You'd just finished showering about twenty minutes ago. Yes, you invited your boyfriend to join you but he had to resist your offer. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off of you and you already expressed your tiredness.
Anyone else would probably be offended if their partner threw stuff at them, but this is Megumi's way of expressing his love.
"You good?" He asks when you don't move to pick up your snack.
"Mhm, but you know it's best for me to take pain killers before sex. They're useless now." He dodges the pill bottle when you throw it at him.
"They won't reduce the after sex pain? Thought they did. Well anyway, you wanna watch something? I actually started getting into that one show you like."
The way your heart fluttered at his question left you all sappy and excited.
"Yeah get over here."
He's not perfect at aftercare but he's yours and he makes sure to tend to your needs in his own way.
Sukuna Ryomen
Honestly I don't even think I need to write anything for him but ima try my best!
He was confused about the way you stared at him when you joined him in the bathroom. He was brushing his teeth.
"What brat?" He asks staring at you through the mirror.
"You literally split me in half and didn't even bother to take care of me afterward.." You state awkwardly as you sit on the covered toilet seat.
"Eh? What happened to all that independent woman shit? Can't ya do it yourself?" He asks, the toothpaste and toothbrush in his mouth made his words a little bit hard to understand, but you get the gist.
"I mean I can do it myself, but it's more intimate when you do it with your partner!" Honestly it was useless trying to explain yourself because Sukuna is stubborn as hell.
"We had plenty'a intimacy when I was eatin' your pussy like less than ten minutes ago." There's sass in his voice and he rolls his eyes.
It was best to give up, because he wasn't going to listen. The walk of shame was super embarrassing and you made yourself a little spot on the couch to sleep on for the night.
Fifteen minutes later Sukuna's stomping into the living room.
"What're ya doing out here on the couch when we have a whole bed?" It's obviously a rhetorical question, he has a good idea of what you're mad about.
"You know why I'm pissed. You're an asshole, Ryomen. I don't even want to talk to you right now, so go away." The malice in your tone was evident and he switched up upon hearing you call him his full first name rather than that dumb nickname he will never admit that he likes.
"Ugh... so whiny. If I take care of ya, all the domestic shit. Will ya bring your ass back to bed?" He asks, a hand on his slutty waist.
"Yes." You quip quickly.
"Fine. Come on."
That was the start of the aftercare you deserved, and surprisingly he was good at it. When you asked him where he got all this experience from he said, "I was a human with feeling at some point. I know how to care for people, when I want."
Yuta Okkotsu
He didn't want to fuck up so he researched any and everything. From hydration to what foods are good to eat afterwards and so on.
"Thank you Yuta, this is delicious." It really is good, his cooking is phenomenal. It always warms your heart. You'd started on dinner but Yuta distracted you which led to having your legs spread on the counter for him.
"It's the least I can do for you for treating me so well." He says with a suggestive smirk and you know exactly what what he's implying.
"Also food is important to build your stamina back up after sex. Did bathing with those bath salts help any?" He's read that they're supposed to relax and calm the body. He made you soak for twenty minutes.
"It did, I don't feel as sore as I did earlier." And it's true, Yuta knew more about how to care for yourself better than you did which surprised you to some extent. Sometimes it felt more like a nagging parent than helpful advice but he usually doesn't get to that point.
"Make sure you're taking care of yourself too, babe. It's not all about me." You remind him.
He nods while chewing. "I always take care of myself after you. I'll wash up after we tackle the dishes."
Toge Inumaki
Toge is a worrier when it comes to aftercare. He wants you to be satisfied with his efforts.
Never again did you fall asleep without cleaning yourself up or letting Toge help you do it. Last time you did he commanded you to get in the tub so he could scrub you clean.
He wrote an apology on a piece of paper afterward. He just wanted you to get clean.
He cares a lot about you and your emotions, and obviously it's hard for him to do that in words, so he tries his best to do it through his actions.
Tonight is no different, he's washing your hair in the shower. The water is the perfect temperature and you can feel Toge pressed up against you. The way his finger tips graze your scalp are just right/ You about fall asleep.
"Mustard Leaf." He says in worry. He doesn't want a repeat of last week, when you fell asleep in the shower and you slipped almost causing a concussion if he hadn't caught you last second.
"I.. I'm awake. I won't fall asleep again, promise." You yawn and the worry dissipates for the most part. He trusts your words.
"Salmon." He responds and you smile lazily.
Your most earnest moments are when the two of you are in the shower. You feel the need to rid yourself of anything from the day so you tell him everything. He nods along and gives you comforting touches to assure you.
"I love you so much, Toge. Thank you for cleaning me up."
Your white haired boyfriend nods his head at you with a smile. Your eyes follow his hand as he writes " I ♡ YOU" with his finger, on the glass door of the shower.
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dominicfikue · 2 months
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Please weiter a Chris fix Like this 🙏🏽🙏🏽
⃗  ❪  WATCH YOUR MOUTH ! ࣪ ❫ — chris sturniolo.
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starring. chris sturniolo x reader. | wc. 516
includes. lowkey highkey angst. reader kinda gags him 😬😬. chris being the sexy yummy toxic man we all know and love 💝 ^_^.
storyline. what the req says shawty
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⌖.˚◌ you sit at your makeup vanity, curling your eyelashes as a reality tv show plays in the back. tonight, you and chris were having dinner with your family, more specifically your mom and dad. your parents were uptight, strict and not very fond of your boyfriend. this isn’t the first time you’ve planned this. you and chris had agreed on what day, what outfits, which restaurant multiple times but once the night would come, he’d come up with a shitty excuse on why he can’t make it.
you hear the front door open and close from downstairs, heavy footsteps walking towards your shared bedroom. you turn around to see chris; his curls slightly wet and untamed, a green hoodie and grey sweatpants decorating his body. if you couldn’t tell, this isn’t exactly dinner attire. you let out a sigh as you take in his appearance. “c’mon go get dressed. we have to meet them there at eight!” you explain, applying a cool-toned brown lip liner to your lips.
he leans against the doorway, scrolling away at his phone. “i’m not going. i gotta … gotta help nick with some stuff.” he says, his eyes not leaving his screen. you blink at him, confused on what just came out of his mouth. “w-what are you talking about? you promised me.” you whine, growing slightly irritated with this idiotic pattern.
he rolls his eyes before putting his phone in his pocket, looking up at you. “stop whining. just reschedule it for another day, ma. they’ll live.” he replied, hoping you’d just drop it. you rest your head against the wall next to you, trying not to cry.
“that’s not the point. it’s the principle. you can’t keep flaking on them!” you raise your voice to get your point across. his eyebrows furrow as he looks around the room and out into the hallway before speaking. “who the fuck do you think you’re raising your voice at? cause it ain’t me.” he says, pushing himself off the wood before walking over to you. usually, you would let it go to prevent an argument but you couldn’t take it anymore. he got you so hyped up for this dinner just to dip? you were gonna speak your mind this time.
“you! i’m raising my voice at you! you do this shit all the time and i’m sick of it. you’re an actual. fucking. joke, chris.” you basically scream. you stand up and walk over to him, pushing his chest as tears stream down your freshly dolled up face. chris stifles a laugh before mushing your cheeks together.
“you keep talking to me like that and i’ll knock your fucking teeth out. you understand?” he asks, tilting his head. you freeze for a moment before nodding your head the best you can in his bruising grip. his eyes scan over your features before he shoves you away, making you fall back into your vanity chair. you sniffle as you pick up your phone to call your parents, telling them you can’t make it … yet again.
“yeah, that’s what i thought. watch your fucking mouth.” he mutters before walking out the room and heading back downstairs.
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lai speaks. this was kinda sexy i fear. that rafe cameron influence got to my head … had me thinking i was writing this for him and not chris 😭😭😭. toxic!chris have my babies challenge?? this is so short but ermm … you get the gist man.
taglist. @fawnchives @prettyvyll @trickywritters @breeloveschris @sturniolho @lorarri @gnxosblog @firexovni @tylerstacobell @ivonchetooo1239 @bernardsgf @dracoflaco @strniolo @ilovethesturniolotriplets @paibey @hearts4chris @sturniololol @rootbeerworshiper @tillies33ssss @writtenbywonyoung @katluckybear @realuvrrr @junnniiieee07
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xerotiny99 · 19 days
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Antiserum D // Loving Professor Jeong #1
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Antiserum D (Loving Professor Jeong series #1) Professor/College au.
Pairing: Jeong Yunho x (f) Reader [ft. Choi San & Song Mingi]
Warning: smut, prof!yunho, dom!yunho, sub!reader, student!reader, age gap, teasing and suggestive actions, size kink, big dick Yunho, dirty talk and pet names (master and pup), blowjob/throat fucking, spanking, rough sex, unprotected sex, edging, creampie and dacryphilia.
Note: do not proceed if you're uncomfortable or triggered by the mentioned tags. Also note the age gap tag, here the reader is 21 and Yunho is 32, which makes it 11 years of gap.
Side Note: this series will contain 'hyung line' as the professors and the 'maknae line' as minor characters; except for Choi San and Song Mingi, these men are cheeky so look out for them. Again, as my other series, 'the reader' does have a name, i.e, Lee Sherri. Nicknames are bound to follow, so don't worry. I only write names in my oneshots because it's too annoying to write [y/n] everywhere and it ruins my flow of writing. Anyway, enjoy!
Gist: you had a rival in college, yes you did. It wasn't a student, rather the person you hold your grudges against is one of your professors. Now, you're in your senior year of bachelor's degree, running late for a morning class—knowing well he takes this class, what do you think the consequences would be?
Word Count: 12,164
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 'My dog died.'
No, you don't have a pet!
'My bus was late.'
You live on-campus.
'The coffee shop was crowded.'
You don't freaking have a cup in your hand!
'Umm, I overslept.'
Well, he doesn't need to know the truth. 
He really doesn't need to know the truth to why you were running late to his morning class. As time would have it, you did oversleep; lethargic from last night's meaningless meandering from bar to bar, in search of your sober soul, you surely had forgotten about your morning class the next day. Weekends are supposed to be lax and diverting. They're your only shot at having a good time with your friends. You weren't going to let your fear of being reprimanded by your 'favourite' professor stop you from having the fun you deserved. The weekdays were long, tedious and dull with all the lectures and practical sessions to attend.
You're sprinting up the stairs to get to your department; the science building is supposedly long and encompasses all other departments falling into it. Your department (zoology), moreover, your class was situated on the second level of the building. Meeting with the long hallway on your way, which apparently was the physics department, you turn a corner and are merged with another long hallway leading to yours. The grotesque stench of formaldehyde hits your nose the moment you walk past the junior laboratories of your department; that's where they were trying to preserve biological specimens, the 'tingle-your-spine' kind. There are lecture halls and laboratories on one side of the long hallway, while the other side was an open space with concrete railings and pillars; this space opened into the botanical garden the botany department had been tending to, so it housed large trees, a decent number of shrubs and flowering plants, including a variety of cactus and other succulents. 
Rushing in your steps, holding your tote bag close to you, your eyes scramble past the open space and the garden onto the walking street of your campus; it was borne with trees on both sides, and amidst the thicket of greenery you find the main building of psychology department. You almost heave out a laugh, reminiscing of the last night when your best friend (who studies psychology) was drunk out of his mind and had been making out with a lamppost. You pull yourself out of that daze, increasing the pace of your sprint to get to your laboratory.
First red flag of your day, the doors to your lab were open wide. Second, your supposedly 'favourite' professor was midway through an explanation about the experiment you were going to perform today. And third, you were technically thirty minutes late to the lab.
Quiet on your feet, you try to sneak inside; the structure of your lab was a little different, with sitting desks on one side of it, and workbenches on the other. In retrospect, this was your senior year's class where apparent lectures took place, and the workbenches were designated for less involved experiments. At the very front of your class/lab is a podium, a chalky black board, and a desk for professor. You glance at the front after realising all students had occupied the workbenches, you catch up on the glimpse of Professor Jeong carrying on with his explanation till his eyes meet yours.
"Miss Lee," he grumbles, amidst his explanation, "sneaking in—" mumbling he checks the time on his wristwatch, the sleeve of his coat riding up, "—a total of thirty minutes late. You better have a good reason."
He folds his arms over his chest, and stares down at you. While you halt midstep into the class, standing straighter you clear your throat and feel your mind stutter looking at him. Why did he have to dress so provocatively? And the outfit in concern was his beige coat and matching pants, a white long sleeved turtleneck underneath; you didn't quite like how your heart was palpitating watching him, keenly grazing your thirst-filled eyes across his face, noticing the shine on his black rimmed glasses and the plumpness of his pink lips.
"Miss Lee?" he repeats, only to get you squeaking, "yes, professor—uh yeah, I was late because my alarm did not go off in the morning..."
He hums in contemplation, eyes narrowing on you before he sighs and shakes his head, "occupy one of the workbenches and do not touch anything before I tell you to."
You nod, pressing your lips tighter to prevent any sound from escaping your throat; you were certainly anxious and embarrassed to be late, but more precisely you were humiliated in front of your class for coming up with such a lame excuse. Sighing, you stuff your tote bag in your locker at the back. You quickly slip on a lab coat over your outfit, bubbling with disappointment as it was hiding your nubile outfit. Knowing you were running late, you still made extreme efforts to dress yourself up—the reason was quite overt, because you wanted to dress up for yourself—you wore a white blouse under a pastel blue sweater vest and paired it with grey skirt which rode up till your mid-thighs. The lacy thigh-high socks were just an added accessory to make yourself seem cute considering you also had a blue ribbon in your hair, holding it in a high ponytail.
The only workbench unoccupied is the one situated at the very end and far from either the professor's desk at the back near the lockers and the podium from where Professor Jeong was reading every movement of yours. When you get to your designated place, you glance at the workstation to take note of the apparatus, before glancing next to you, finding the most obnoxious person you could. Choi San, Choi freaking San was offering you a guileful smile, one whose intentions did not appear to be right, or even ethical.
Bastard.
"So, Miss Lee is late because she couldn't hear her alarm go off? Pathetic," he rolls his eyes, folding his arms over his chest, his own lab coat creasing by the elbows with his plaid shirt peeking from beneath. "I don't believe you—oh well, but I wonder what your favourite professor would think about you when he knows you were getting pissed drunk last night with your friends."
You weigh his words in your mind for a second before furling back a reply. "Aww, Sannie. If you're so desperate to get in my inner circle, just say so. I didn't know you would be so jealous of us..."
San's smile turns into a curve of amusement, "jealous of you? Me? Jealous?" he scoffs, "darling, you're dreaming. If I wanted to be in your inner circle, I would've just slept my way through it."
"Really now?" you retort, smiling softly, "slept with whom?"
"An easy prey to seduce would be you—" he clicks his tongue, "—if you can be so impressed by that..." he nods his head toward Professor Jeong, "...then I believe you'd be swept off your feet if I genuinely try to."
"You put yourself on such a high pedestal, Sannie," you muse, shaking your head lightly, "do you really think my standards are set so low to be dazzled by you?" 
"Oh, only time would tell, Miss Lee," he rolls his eyes, keeping his sly smile on. "Maybe, you would get infatuated with me or give into your temptations."
"Ahh, such a dedicated wishful thinker you are," you snide, heaving a low chuckle, "the only thing I'm tempted to do is throw a chair in your fucking face—"
"Miss Lee!" you flinch in your skin, body spasming to the deep and coarse voice of the professor. Hesitant in yourself, you peek up to face him, finding him glaring at you without a twitch on his face. "You certainly are not going to pay attention to my class, then why waste my time? You're free to leave. I don't hold my students captive; the ones passionate about learning find a way to attend my class in any way they could."
Your cheeks heat up, turning a shade of faint cherry red; embarrassment licks your spine and head lowers itself, you won't forget this moment ever. San is busy staring at you, feeling a little guilty but of course he won't let you know that. Shortly after, you glance back at the professor, noticing him staring at you with his lips in a scowl and his eyes piercing through you. That alone, that look alone was enough for you to quiver in your shoes; his persona had always been the intimidating kind, the kind who is self-possessed and doesn't really bother himself with the rest of the world.
Professor Jeong wasn't fazed by anything, not even by the number of female students crushing on him in your department, rather in your class alone. He didn't acknowledge their stupefyingly sexual or overly sensual approaches, turned them down if he thought they were invading his privacy. You took that as a challenge; maybe, maybe not. Your rivalry with him wasn't because he was unapproachable or a forbidden fruit to taste, it was because he always found a way to rattle your senses and make you the fool.
You remember it as clear as a day, at the beginning of your senior year, the very first semester—attending his class on genetics, you were simply taken off by him and his way of speaking. His personality was homely, strict where it should be, however. Amidst his lecture, he caught you talking and joking around with your bench-mate and questioned you about the topic he was teaching.
"If you can yap useless things, then why don't you enlighten me with the working of gel electrophoresis, hmmm...?"
It stung. But not more than him adding, "I'm even surprised you could answer. Maybe you should focus yourself more on your academics than other things."
Other things? You realised he was making comments on your appearance, the way you were dressed, the way you had streaks of gold stitched in your hair, the way you always had playful make up on—he judged you based on that, and thus the profound feud between him and you began. After that, you would intentionally skip his classes and not make an effort to attend them; even the practical sessions, except for the mandatory ones where you would bite your tongue and listen to him demeaning your entire existence for not setting the microscope right.
"Alright, now that I'm done explaining the principle and bits of the procedure, you may follow the same with your partners; if you're muddled with any concern then heed my name." He announces out loud, stepping down from the podium.
You raise your head, further listening to his footsteps dither across the floor to the back of where another table had been put up for teachers' comfort. Though, that's what you thought. The mellow sound of his boots takes an unassuming turn to your row of workbenches, taking you off guard. You're trying to find the meaning behind his detour. Also, you had been oblivious from the start that this practical is supposed to be performed in pairs. And you had no one. Because you were late. Even the slow-witted and stolid transfer student, Reagan Keith had a partner; and her partner was San himself, something you definitely did not see coming.
"Miss Lee," Professor Jeong clears his throat, standing next to you, "I suppose you do not have a partner because of your tardiness, and I happened to pair all my students prior to you, which leaves me no choice but to perform this particular experiment with you. So now, take a brief look at the blackboard and what I've etched on it, try to understand it. Once done, we can surely proceed."
You nod, contemplating, biting your cheek, unable to comprehend the proximity between you two. The dense musk of his scent is wafting all your senses—the redolent scent of vanilla and cinnamon is a deadly concoction to drive you wild. His warmth is superficial, yet the kind which melts your mind with stupefying possibilities, just how he could be—you need to keep your thoughts clean and chaste. Still, you suppress your mind to a corner and peek at the blackboard, studying his neat hand etched on it. The title gave you the rough idea of what you're supposed to do. 
'Determination of blood groups.'
Ahh, the title itself foretells the coming inevitable mishap is going to involve blood and blood lancets; you aren't so fond of the needles—no, it wasn't a phobia, you weren't fond of pricking yourself with the help of those lancets. The blue rounded capsules which compassed a sterile needle underneath was beyond torturous to you.
You heave out a deep breath, understanding the further procedure he had inscribed on the blackboard. Familiar with few terms, such as the usage of antiserums, and principle behind the entire procedure, you were relieved. Way more than relieved to know this wasn't something out of your expertise. The nurturing thought of you actually explaining it to him however was too heavy to bear. You clear your throat, fumbling in your words as you dart your eyes anywhere else but at him.
"Yes, Miss Lee, are you done gandering at the procedure?" he gawks, bewildered as if and continues, "now, please enlighten me with the steps so as to we can proceed with the experiment."
"We—we are determining the blood—blood groups," you stutter, not knowing where that came from, you turn your attention onto him, stifling a gasp upon noticing him leaning close to you.
"Go on, Miss Lee," he prompts you with a soft nudge of his head. "I'm sure having to palaver about for the entire day, you could at least narrate the steps to me. All I need is your guidance."
He's playing you again.
"Alright, I will—" your breath hitches in your throat—you witness him effortlessly shrug his coat off, revealing nothing of his skin but the long-sleeved turtleneck he wore under.
"Hmhm, yes...?" he instigates, putting his coat off to a side while he rolls the sleeves of shirt over till his elbows. "What's the first step?"
"Sterilisation." you mutter under your breath.
"Sterilisation of what, Miss Lee?" he teases, keeping a straight; his pushes his glasses further up his nose, which had apparently slipped off a bit.
"Sterilisation of the subject area."
"Okay, tell me which area is most suitable for this test?"
You nod, swallowing thickly as your eyes never leave his. "The tip of the middle finger."
You weren't going to waver, not even when his soft brown eyes were speaking the unbearable at the moment; how can he do that? How can he momentarily torment you with a sly curve of his lips or by the detrimental facade of his eyes?
"And why is that?"
"Tendon sheath—uh, the middle finger has tendon sheath which only limits it to the fingers; as for the thumb and pinky finger, the sheath extends a little further to radial bursae and ulnar bursae—so in case any infection occurs it'll be restricted to the middle finger unlike the thumb or pinky which can lead to the heart." You try your best to explain, forgetting how to breathe in the process.
"You know your stuff," he murmurs, his voice low and cold, "do you see any sterilisation pads on your table?"
Looking around your desk, almost immediately, your eyes lurk on a beaker full of 70% ethanol and cotton swabs. You bring the beaker close to you and reach out for the forceps placed next to it; extending the beaker toward to him, you clear your throat, hoping he'd get on the cue.
"Miss Lee, I'd very much appreciate if you were to perform all the steps involving this practical."
"Right—okay, so..."
You drag your words into a whisper, holding the palm of his hand in yours, while other picks out a cotton swab with the forceps. The piece of cotton rolls to and fro on his skin, rubbing gently. Hearing him wince at the cooling sensation of ethanol against his skin, you stifle a chuckle and let out a sigh; once you were done with sterilising, you reach out for the blood lancets. Picking out one, you rip the cap off to reveal a sterling needle shining with a sharp point.
"Have you done this before, Miss Lee?" he questions as he watches you hesitate with the blood lancet. "Pricking yourself is quite different from pricking others, isn't it?"
You nod because you knew how different it was. In actuality, you're scared. You always were terrified to prick yourself with the needle whenever you were required to and it was mostly during your practical classes involving forensics. The high possibility of piercing your professor's skin, past the point till where it's necessary, was an untold fear you couldn't overcome. But, as you glance up at his docile face adorning an encouraging smile, in addition to the haughty glint in his eyes, you are much more prepared for the consequences.
"I am absolutely terrified when it comes to pricking myself—what if I..." your glance at his hand, then dart your eyes to his, feeling a breath hitch in your throat.
"You won't hurt me," he reassures you, later on compelling you with his words, "any day now, Miss Lee."
The racking nerve in your head forces you to take a deep breath and you're hauling the pointed tip of the lancet close to his finger. You know it takes one sudden nick to break the skin, and you also know you're supposed to be careful and swift with it. Hesitation breaks your conscience, you're still in two minds, still wondering if this was a good idea. Regardless of your abrupt cold feet, you let the lancet pierce through his skin, drawing out a ceaseless stream of blood; Professor Jeong is heedful of his bleeding finger and proceeds to make three blobs of blood on a microscope slide.
He puts the slide back, the glass clinks against the table but it melts into your thoughts—you were ogling him. You notice his veiny hand trembling softly to the unbridled tremors from the cut on his finger, it was attractive. You wouldn't mind admitting it, he has great hands—and sadly, you had a fetish. Trapping your lower lip between your teeth, you admire the little things about him; the proximity faltered to nothing, gave away how spotless his skin was, how sublimely luscious his lips were, and how the tiny specks of green in his eyes were far too evident in the sea of umber. Though, his hands were all you could think about; his porcelain skin, the bulging veins wrapped around his knuckles while they branched further down his hand—uff.
"Miss Lee?" he calls out, snapping his other finger, "please pass me a cotton swab, I need to clean myself."
You were brought back to the reality, seamless kind, a little vapid where you were impelled to keep a safe and healthy 'professor-student' relationship with him.
Hold up!
Where in the world did that come from?
The thought of having something more than 'professor-student' relationship with him.
You and him?
That's a little...
Far-fetched.
Unless...
There was...
There was a way to vex him.
You look back to all the times he's devalued your existence during his classes. The haughty remarks which rolled off his tongue with so much ease to belittle your short-lived efforts in any of his class, or perhaps, in any of the activities your department would plan. A spark in your mind strikes you in a way you couldn't quite explain, but you know you're finding yourself tighten your grip on his wrist. It's oddly satisfying, it's benign in your mind—though, the tiny bulb of tease was going on and off every second you spent staring at him.
There goes nothing.
Without hesitating you bring his hand close to your mouth, your tongue darts out the minute his bleeding finger finds its way in your sight, and you lick up a stripe to clean the blood off his finger. You hear him gasp, a sharp intake of breath which already told you he was bothered by your actions. Continuing to the rhythm of your heart, you wrap your lips around the tip of his finger and give it a soft suckle. Soon, a metallic copper taste slides on your tongue. Such an eerie sight to witness, by your professors and the others too. Especially the spawn of devil who was too busy charming the ditzy transfer student off her feet; if San catches you being this 'type' of friendly with the professor you 'slightly' resent then you probably could never show your face to anyone on the surface of earth. Luckily, San wasn't even sparing a glance at you.
"Miss—Miss Lee?" his voice breaks when he calls out to you again, prompting you to loosen your grip on his hand before you're letting it drop to his side.
"You were supposed to add antiserums to the slide, drop by drop. Now..." he takes a deep breath, noticing your glossy eyes and your plump lips parted; he's definitely resisting his urges. "The blood on the slide is almost..." He glances down at the table. "...it's almost dry. Miss Lee—" he leans in close to your ear, a coarse whisper sending a shiver down your spine, "—I'd like to see you after class."
"Maybe you can justify your actions then."
He leans back and takes a short gander around. Curling his lips up in a riveting smile, he nudges you with a nod. "Add the antiserums now, Miss Lee. All the others have finished performing the experiment."
You're out of your daze, rummaging your eyes around to find many of your classmates are done with their work and had gone to the other side of the lab, where the desks were.
"I'll be checking your practical sheets before you leave, so make sure you complete them all now." he announces out loud in the class, earning muffled groans from his students. "And no excuses."
"You too, Miss Lee," he turns to you, "now, if you will, you have to tell me my blood group. So, go on."
Again, pulling yourself out of the stupor, you nod profusely and proceed to the next step before the blood on your slide is completely dry. You add a drop of each antiserum on the three droplets of blood; waiting for a second, you watch the drop with antisera D and antisera A added begin to clot. To your conclusion, Professor Jeong's blood group is A+ve. All while you did the experiment, his eyes were fixed on you, fixated on your quivering hands and lips every time you tried to do something. In some instances of his mind, he was admiring you and your dedication, and how badly he had rocked your boat into capsizing.
"Good," he muses, his words turning bitter soon, "you sure can do a few things right. Well, all that's left to do is—" he grunts softly as he pulls the sleeves of his shirt back down, while he shrugs on his coat, "—cleaning and writing. Chop chop, Miss Lee.  And do not forget you have to wait after class."
With those spine-chilling words he leaves you stranded to your spot; unfortunately, this time San had overheard your conversation. He slides next to you, eyeing your workstation before glancing over at you.
His lips push themselves out into a pout, and he grumbles, "fucked up something?"
"None of your business," you grit your teeth, "get away before I chop your balls off."
"Oh, I'm shivering," he deadpans, nudging his elbow with your ribs, "come on, Lee. Tell me. What did you do for him to ask you to wait after class? We both know he's never done it—in fact he hates it when someone waits after class to 'talk' to him." he emphasises with finger quotes, rolling his eyes at you. "You fucked up big time then."
You heave out a long sigh, "I—just, shut up, San. You're the most annoying person in my life."
Grumbling, you glance at Professor Jeong, he was sitting on his desk at the back of the class, by the lockers. His stare was on you. It was on you from the moment he sat down. And even though you may not know what he was thinking, or wondering about, the glimpse of him having his teeth scratching on his lower lip was enough to let you know what exactly he intended on doing with you.
"Don't drag it out on me," he mumbles, his pout still intact on his face, "although, you're denying the truth, which means you two had an anomalous interaction..."
As he trails off, you roll your eyes at him. Finding the courage to break your eye contact with Professor Jeong, you glare at San and bite your lip. "Yeah, he made me wait after class. It's pertaining to me being late. Now off you go, make yourself useful elsewhere. Maybe, help Reagan find the remaining of her skirt, pretty sure she left it back at her dorms."  
San muses for a second before leaning over to stare at the said girl's skirt; she was standing by the lockers chattering with someone. His face twitches smugly, his brows creasing as he checks her out.
"Oh, no no! That does seem more important than dealing with you, Lee." he smirks, biting his lower lip, "see you around, try not to get too infatuated with your favourite professor."
Sauntering away from you, he loses his lab coat and then engages himself with Reagan. You project your frustrations into a sigh and begin cleaning your workbench before heading to the lockers to retrieve your bag and other items. Walking past the professor was a challenge in itself because you were too fazed in your mind by everything he did. Though, you could really say you were fuddled over his decision to make you wait after class. Anyone could tell you exactly how much he despised his students waiting after class, 'cause most of the times it would be the absurd number of female students trying to confess their feelings for him. You could sympathise with him, understand where he was coming from because you would find yourself in a similar situation; you were well sought to in your department, endless confessions, profuse gestures of affection, what not.
Regardless, you realised what you wanted in a man. It was the professor himself.
"Miss Lee, I need your practical journal completed." he speaks up as you're walking past his desk with your tote bag on your shoulder and your lab coat neatly folded in your hands. "You know what, I'll go through it after class. Till then, get your write-ups done."
Offering you a redolent smile, he tears his eyes off you. You swallow thickly, knowing well how ineptly stuck you were with him, after class too. And one more fact, your practical journal was incomplete—blank at the most, which was a catastrophe in the waiting. As the fear creeps up your spine, you bite your cheek and stumble onto an empty desk, settling yourself down to catch a breath.
Time passes in a haste, without bounds, and soon the moment you dreaded arrives with a tinkering bell on it. The class is empty, except for you and Professor Jeong. You could listen to him breathe, placidly whistle out a grumble a few times since he was busy with something you didn't feel the need to pay attention to. The clock on the wall ticks again and you're gathering your stuff before 'sneaking' out of the class. If his attention is solely saturated over something useless to you, then he probably won't even notice you gone.
At least that's what you thought.
"Miss Lee, I must remind you of our little parley where I asked you to wait after class." He doesn't even peek from the file he was reading, and continues, "don't think I can't see you sneaking away."
You stop in your steps, right in front of the open door with a few students lurking behind in the corridor. Stifling a groan, you roll your eyes and turn around on your feet. The man is sat poised in his chair, his lips curved in a smirk as he's staring right through you. Your heart skips a beat, yes too cliche, but you felt its arrhythmic vibrations ring your ears.
"Are there any students loitering in the corridor?" he questions and you nod to it, pressing your lips together. "Wait for them to leave and then lock the doors."
Why?
Lock the doors?
Why lock the doors?
Now your heart was pounding in that bony little cage of yours. Sooner or later, you would find it either in your throat or your guts that is if he continues to stare at you with the intensity of sun. Quite lost in the trance of his melancholic yet concupiscent eyes, you start nibbling on your lower lip, wanting to squeeze your thighs together to rid yourself of the tension you felt in your cunt. The chatters start dithering outside, ascending to the wind of nothing and it brings peace to your mind; not that it wasn't peaceful before, but now, it's just you and him caught in a void of infatuation.
"Do not take my intentions in the wrong way, Miss Lee. I am not so fond of disturbances during one-on-one student session..." he explains, going back to reading his file. Though, after a while he clears his throat and prompts you, "any moment now, Miss Lee."
"Yea—yeah," you stutter, sensing your throat close up.
Taking a step forward you close the latches on the door. The exhilaration of you being alone with him is sort of distorted in your head when you make your way towards his desk. What does he have in his mind? What does he want from you? Is this one of his many ways to make you feel small and little? Like all the times he does when you're attending his classes or so.
The look in his eyes has a spark of joy, just humming across the field of brown containing his pep. Those same eyes follow you around, till you're in front of him; his face shows no emotion, except for that straight line of his lips.
"Would you need an invitation, Miss Lee? Your binder, please." he asks, peeking up at through his long lashes and the black rimmed glasses. The glare on them makes it hard for you to read his eyes this time.
You clear your throat, and fumble with your bag to take the thick binder out. Pages furled out of it, a few flying off to fall on the ground, while a few remained stuck in amidst the others; you could tell Professor Jeong wasn't too happy with the condition of your binder. To be fair, this binder was your repository for all performed experiments so far. Nonetheless, your binder was...incomplete. Biting your lip, you place your binder on the table in front of him.
He eyes it for a moment before grabbing it in his hands and flipping the pages. You couldn't resist holding him on a high regard; his sleek fingers pinching the edges of the pages, turning them, eyes rummaging along the lines, and his parted lips which could tell he was contemplating.
"I certainly did not expect this from you, Miss Lee." he clicks his tongue, "now that I see it for myself, I can't help but agree with my initial remark about you. I would suggest you focus more on your academics rather than wasting your time with your friends and ambling through your life."
He sighs in defeat, mostly disappointment and slides your binder towards you across the table. Pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose, he takes a deep breath and turns his head to you, his face expressing nothing at all.
"Life's not all about strolling through one club then to another. And while you do that, I can't sit back and watch you ruin your potential, Miss Lee," he sucks his teeth, as he continues to berate you with his words, "you're in the running for most proficient student in our department, alongside Mr. Choi. Now, would you be delighted to bear a consequence where he holds the trophy and not you? All because of what...? Some fiddling people you call your friends whose only job is to drag you out to buzzing clubs and what not."
Listening to him hound your existence, your heart suddenly weighs down in your chest, it grows heavy till it touches your gut. Oh no, you were letting it affect your state of mind. On the verge of tears, you look away from him and fixate your blurry vision on the floor; it was overbearing to hold his eyes, to wallow in the disappointment he held in them. Moreover, you didn't want him to see you cry, or shed a tear for that matter because you know you were close. Very close.
You sniffle softly, lowering your head furthermore to avoid to his gaze.
"Miss Lee?"
Silence.
You don't care for the concern his voice shows and continue to toil yourself on the contrasting hue of morning sun and the grey tiles. Blurry vision captures the indefinite shadows of lockers, some bookshelves—the sun was crawling overhead, witnessing your derision with your professor. You don't try to pay him any mind, not that you could even if you wanted to. There's a possible reason to why you don't want to, maybe the answer lies in your uncertain infatuation with him, or maybe it does prove your outlandish feelings for him. Which one of it was genuine?
A small moment passes between you two, roiling in tranquil haze before he clicks his tongue and drawls on a breath. "And to speak on your furtive behaviour—"
"Why do you hate me?"
A beat of serenity yanks his attention.
"What do you mean, Miss Lee?"
"I asked, why do you hate me so much?"
You glance up at him, preparing your unfazed mind for his reaction to your reddened cheeks and nose, and the obvious streaks of tears down your cheeks. The muscles on his face twitch even if it was indiscernible to the moment, you study him; he reveals a speck of pity in his eyes, so pathetic for you to think he'd pity you.
"Sherri?"
His lips quiver so delicately, calling out your name in a sleek yet coarse voice. It was the first time he'd ever called out your name, enunciated each syllable in his utmost trepidation as if he really cared for you. That alone was enough to cause a havoc in your heart, dwindling it further down to your...maybe it was the way he spoke your name out, but you were definitely feeling a spark strike in your pussy.
"I do not despise you, Sherri," he softly murmurs, looking away from you for a long minute before trailing his pitiful eyes back on you. "If my actions have made you—"
"—you always belittle me, humiliate me in front of the class and pretend to act as if you do it all because you care." you ramble, "you don't care about my feelings! All you can think is how to make me fall from my grace. Isn't it?"
You shake your head and bring your hands up to wipe your tears off, which had uncontrollably gushed out of your eyes while you had your meltdown. Your tote bag falls onto the floor with a soft thud, and you pay no mind to it. The hyperventilation soon kicks in, suffocating your lungs with a want to break free from your chest, and your stomach littered with unwanted butterflies fluttering along. More tears slide out of your eyes, and you lose your capability to see clearer.
The dainty streaks of torment on your cheeks, your tears, and your flushed face was a huge turn on for him; he could not probably free himself from his fetish, but his philia for tears or anything remotely close to it, always excited his cock. He shifts in his seat, spreading his legs apart under the desk to free himself from the strain in his pants. Oh how badly he had been aroused, by just watching you cry.
"Sherri, you're mistaking my concern for bullying; fuck! Why would I want to torment or humiliate you in front of the class?" he questions, such dainty voice breaking your heart and making you feel pathetic to sob in front of him.
"Come here."
He lures you in with his soft voice, and a frail tug of his lips; his smile had already proved to be devastating to you and even the slightest of it can make you, his puppet. Without realising it, you're taking short strides around the table to be by his side. He has his hand extended in front of you, something you didn't quite understand until you hold it in hesitation, and he pulls you down on his lap.
You gasp, and then yelp when you land on his lap; at first you find yourself uncomfortable in his embrace but giving it a little time, you relax and settle down, still with a bit of unease. His arms wrap themselves around your waist and he leans close to rest his chin on your shoulder as you sit sideways on his lap. Ambiguous swirls of darkness cover his eyes, and your breath hitches trying to unravel his true intentions. Instead, you were starting to get comfortable with him.
"I do not resent you for who you are, Sherri," he begins with a whispery breath, rubbing your back as he does. "I resent myself for being so helplessly bound under your spell."
Your lips part open, your chest heaves up and down erratically to constrain your wildly pounding heart. Oh, you were gone, you most definitely were.
"Projecting my bitter disposition on you was a mechanism I sought to cope my untamed desire—the ugly desire to taste this forbidden fruit." Mumbling, he turns his head and traces his lips along your neck, kissing and sucking. "Holy fuck, this body of yours...those lips, you don't know how much I crave them."
His hands tighten around your waist, and you gasp for air, "Professor Jeong, this isn't ethical. You're violating the university policy...ah!"
He bites down on your neck, grabbing enough flesh in between his teeth to suck on it. That's going to leave a pretty purple bruise behind, all in its glory, on your neck—so fucking attractive to you.  Pressing down on a moan, you drag your hands to his shoulders, hoping to shove him off to disturb his grip on you. Though you thought. It wasn't easy to make him budge, he wasn't letting you go, and you were gradually falling into that realisation.
"I could lose my job," he whispers, chuckling softly, "I can fucking lose my job if I engage with you, if I make my vile thoughts a reality but I can't control myself any longer, I need you, I need to ruin you—I know you feel the same way about me. Don't you, Sherri?" he nibbles on your earlobe, his hot breath fanning your ear. "Aren't your intentions the same as me, huh?"
"No." you mumble.
"No?"
You shake your head.
He doesn't believe you.
"Sherri, oh you beautiful liar," he sighs, his lips now curling into a smirk, "didn't you think of something else when you were sucking my finger off, hmm?"
You pout, not wanting to answer or have him the satisfaction of being right; instead, you start shuffling on his lap to get out of his hold. Squirming in his lap, you press your butt against his crotch, accidentally touching his hardened cock. It continues to poke your ass, and his fingers dig into your skin when his hold tightens on your waist. You were making it worse, it was visible on his face in the form of quivering lips and shut eyes.
"Don't move...!" he warns you, pressing your lower body against his lap, keeping you fixed in one place. "You'll make me...fuck. You do this on purpose, don't you?"
You stop moving—well you had no choice but to when his brute strength was holding you down against him. "I don't. I haven't done anything on purpose."
Lying is so easy. But him believing it has to be easy too. Though at this point you knew you were teasing him.
"Sherri, don't lie." He peels his eyes open and takes a sharp breath in, "get on your knees."
You gulp. Knees? He wants you on your knees...? That's...really fucking hot.
Eagerly, you crawl out of his lap as he gives you the chance to, keeping his hands to his side. He repositions his chair in a way to face you, as you're kneeling down in front of him, by the side of the table. There's not much distance between you, and the dithered proximity makes your heart palpitate with anticipation.
What was he going to do?
Your mind raced with the possibilities. Was he going to shove his 'obvious' boner down your throat? Was he going to make you ride him? What was his hauntingly beautiful mind thinking about?
"An obedient teacher's pet, how adorable," he coos, stroking his hand over your head as if to pet you.
"Professor..."
"Shush...!" he leans over, closely watching you with his fervent eyes. Out of nowhere the warmth of his thumb engulfs of your cheek. "Not a sound."
Brushing his thumb across, he collects a drop of your tear and brings it close to his mouth. He wraps his lips around his thumb and gives it a good suck; his eyes intently fixed on yours, delineating his intentions. You nod your head and watch him straighten his back to relax against the chair. His eyes glance over at the door for a minor second before he fixes them back on you; with a lilting smirk, he grabs the wooden pointer stick from his table and slaps its tip on the palm of his other hand. The same hand rubs along the length of it until his forefinger traces the tip before holding it in his one hand.
You couldn't help but gulp again, feeling aroused by his hand, and the way it was pumping the stick to and fro. Lowering yourself on your calves, you try to squeeze your thighs together. You wanted to ease your muscles, wanted to rid yourself of the tightness in your cunt because you were beyond wet for him.
"Hands behind your back," he commands, and you oblige without hesitation. "I asked you to be on your knees for me..." he softly mutters, tapping the stick twice on the floor to get you back on your knees.
You do that too; completely unaware of his next move. He drags the stick from the ground to you, to the hem of your skirt and lifts it up—exposing your ruined panties to him.
"Tsk, wet already?" he heaves out a breath, "do I really affect you that much?"
"Yes," you swallow and mumble, "you do."
"Hmm," he muses, humming his words along later, "that makes me want you even more."
With his other hand he takes his glasses off and flings them on the table. He pushes the stick further up till your waist to completely expose your dripping wet panties and your cunt; he licks his lips at the sight, his instincts running wild in his mind. Your hands were perfectly slotted in the small of your back, tightly wound together to appease the tension.
"Ah..fuck," you groan when you feel the wooden stick rub your cunt; he had angled it in such a way that it kept your skirt from falling down and it also gave him enough access to drag it along your slit. "Please, professor, I want you."
Listening to you mewl, his smirk widens, and he slurs his words, "now you want me, Miss Lee? Un-fucking-believable."
He picks up his pace, letting the stick rub itself perfectly against your slit; your cunt clenches around nothing, aching to have something in between, something to fill you up. You writhe in desperation, shifting your weight from one leg to another. Unable to contain yourself, you start grinding yourself against the stick, upon noticing it, he halts his movements and watches you with amusement. Casing his lips into a pout, he traces his forefinger on his lower lip; he's contemplating, mirthfully watching you pleasure yourself on the stick. You bring both of your hands to the front, holding the stick to stabilise it before you increase the pace of hips grinding down.
"Aww, is my little brat getting excited?" he scoffs, shaking his head lightly.
You press your lips together and nod your head, closing your eyes shut to the budding pleasure crawling up your body. Second by second, your sanity shrinks to nothing, making you loosen your grip on the stick. From the corner of your half-lidded eye, you watch him offer you a conceited smile, clearing his intentions out when he pulls the stick from between your legs and slides it up to your chin. Tapping its tip twice to your chin, he gets your attention on him with your eyes wide in anticipation.
He spreads his legs wider in front of you, putting his cock on a glorious display as it tightens in his pants; the outline of his cock figuratively makes you swallow a thick gulp of air. Keeping your head high with the stick, he uses his other hand to palm his crotch, gently wrapping his fingers around his cock to give it a few half-hearted pumps through his pants. With a nudge of his head, he drops the stick to a side and gestures you to come close. Biting your tongue, you crawl towards him, your heart in your throat now. Maybe it was the anticipation, the eagerness to see him bare and under the griming influence of your pleasure, but you were slightly alarmed to find yourself slotted in between his legs.
"Let's get my brat what she wants," he whispers further shifting comfortably in his hair. "Such hungry eyes gawking at the sight of my cock," he grabs your jaw lightly and strokes his thumb under your chin. He tuts, "I get these looks a lot but there's something about you— something about the way you're drooling over my cock."
You let your teeth sink deep in your lower lip, while your lips twitch into a soft smile of amusement. "Am I turning you on, professor?"
You release your lip from your teeth's grip, and he watches it wobble in a daze while you lean close and place your hands on either of his thighs. Rubbing circles with your fingertips on his thighs, you take a deep breath to calm your nerves.
"If that wasn't the case you wouldn't be here, Miss Lee. Kneeling between my legs, ready to take my cock in your mouth, hmm?" he suggestively murmurs, dragging his thumb to your lips till he forces it in your mouth. "Now, open wide."
Using his other hand, he fumbles with the buckle of his belt. While he does manage to get it undone, you decide to suck on his thumb which was still fixed in your mouth; you lick around, blatantly ignoring his rugged skin. You hear him grunt ever so gently to your mouth wrapped around his thumb, tingling with excitement to know what it would be like to have this same warmth around his cock. Everything passes in a haze when he restlessly tugs down on his pants and briefs at the same time; you notice him take his thumb out of his mouth and instead he replaces it with his cock.
The reddened tip of his cock nudges against your lips and you open wide, lowering yourself down on his cock—though, only halfway considering his length would take you long to adjust to while the thick girth already made the corners of your mouth sting. He holds your neck, his fingers delicately splayed on the nape as he pushes you down, however he's mindful of you and how much you can take in. You start stroking the remaining of his shaft—which you would eventually have to swallow deep in your mouth.
"Fuck, you're driving me insane with your mouth, I might..." he trails his words off into a low groan, beginning to thrust himself into your mouth. "I'm not going to last long, am I?"
He taunts, digging his fingers into your skin as he pushes your head further down on his cock; his thrusts become too sloppy, and you don't pay much mind to it. You are too focused on widening your mouth around his cock to fit him fully inside. Feeling the tip of his cock brush against your throat, you almost gag; your throat tightens, and the suffocation starts sneaking up on you, but you push yourself through and sink lower on his cock.
"Fuck, such a good brat, taking me in so well," he whimpers coarsely, "but this little brat needs to be punished for making me break my rules."
You gaze up at him with your teary eyes, softening them as he looks down at you too. Nodding your head, you hollow your cheeks and bop your head up and down after adjusting to his size. Your fingers dig into his fleshy thighs, constraining your moans with his cock stuffed in your mouth, you keep staring up at him till a few drops of tears cascade down your cheeks. He brings his other hand to caress your cheeks, thumb stroking off the tears as he doesn't let go of your head. You're on the verge of gagging on his cock, choking even, but disregarding your gag reflex, he bucks his hips into your face and his cock slides further down your throat. Unable to hold onto your moans and whimpers, you try to make a sound—the vibrations send him reeling from pleasure, he throws his head back and tightens his hold on your neck.
"Can't make a sound because my cock is—your mouth is stuffed with my cock, isn't it?" he teases, closing his eyes shut to relish the wetness and warmth of your mouth. "Don't worry—I won't—I won't cum too soon. My brat deserves a little—a little bit of fun even if she's being pun—punished."
His stutter was absolutely beautiful, it showed how much of a mess he was with your mouth wrapped around his cock, engulfed in the devious warmth of it. Somehow, it gave you a sense of victory, a sense of peace to know you had gotten him on his edge with only your mouth and nothing else. The saltiness of his precum floods your mouth—it makes you retch a bit regardless of that, you continue sucking him off while his thrusts are slow and steady. In the meantime, he pulls his untucked shirt above till his chest and holds it there; he pushes your head further down on his cock, till your nose is pressed against his pubic bone and your skin feels ticklish from his trimmed pubic hair.
His chest is rising and falling at an alarming rate; he surely was a mess, and you liked seeing it. When you peek up at him with your still-teary eyes, you notice sweat covering his forehead, making his hair stick to his skin while his cheeks are flushed with a shade of red. How adorable. How fucking adorable. The ever so haughty and stoic professor was writhing under your touches, with how you lapped your tongue under his shaft and purposely sucked your cheeks in to make it tight.
In actuality, you were really driving him wild; his grip on your neck loosens a bit for a hot second and he uses that time to let his hand entangle in your hair. You didn't realise when you groped his thighs for support, even so, your nails had dug deep enough to leave behind crescent marks on his skin, the kind which would fluster with a brutal purple tint tomorrow. Grasping a proper hold on your hair, he pulls you back and frees his cock from his mouth; a vile 'pop' sound resounds in the room while he does so.
The moment his cock is out of your mouth, you gasp for air, you swallow huge lugs of air through your mouth and glance at him with dazed eyes. His thick and veiny cock was slick with your spit, shining softly under the lights while a few strings of your saliva still connected your lips and his shaft. Your drool had covered every inch of his cock and had also slithered down your chin. The sensation in your mouth was a little sticky and salty from his precum. You keep your mouth wide open and wipe off the drool using the back of your hand; he smugly chuckles, eyes on you like a predator.
"Need to take a break?" he taunts you, belittling your presence and you shake your head to a no. Leaning over, he cups your face in both of his hands and grazes his eyes along your chest and exposed thighs.
"Get up."
Again, his domineering voice forces you to oblige, and you get on your wobbly feet—feeling your throat sore and tight from his cock hitting constantly, you swallow enough amount of spit and try to wash the sting down. He notices it but doesn't say much. His hands slide down from your face and hold your waist as you stand in front him; without any doubt, he pushes your front against the desk and makes you bend over. One hand on the collar of your blouse, and other on the small of your back; he keeps you in that position while he takes his time to shimmy his pants and briefs down till his knees. He positions himself behind you, managing to push your skirt up on your back to expose your dripping wet panties and your cunt. Your wet panties were driving him wild; his breathing becomes even more ragged when he snaps at the waistband and pulls them down to your knees. He swallows thickly when his thirsty eyes lurk over your glistening wet cunt, clenching around nothing for the time being.
"This wet cunt is going to take in every inch of me...fuck," he curses his under his breath while he smoothens his hand on one of your buttcheeks. "But we can't forget about your punishment, can we?"
He flattens his palm against your ass, keeping you pressed against the desk with his hand on your neck; you whimper in anticipation and hold onto the edge of the desk till your knuckles turn while. Anticipation makes you wiggle your ass slightly, as you're on your tippy toes and perfectly bent over the desk.
"No, we can't," you heave out a shaky sigh, not able to control your excitement anymore. "How are you going to punish me, professor?"
You sneer in your seductive voice, slurring your words against your rounded lips to get a reaction out of him. Having your vision limited to the empty classroom and the workbenches, the exhilaration of not knowing what he was going to do, makes you even wetter.
Yunho knows how vile your mind is, he knows the wet patch on your panties continues to grow the more he teases you and honestly, he wasn't complaining. He liked it as much as you did, but he hid it well in his composed speech and relaxed movements.
"There's only one way to punish a brat like you," he grunts, slapping one of your buttcheeks, "count them."
So, you were getting spanked. Such a fitting punishment for a brat like you, by a professor too—why did it feel like you were trapped in a low-budget student-professor porn movie? You can't complain anyway, you were absolutely absorbed in the trance of your pleasure and his hands caressing your butt.
You nod and thus begins the punishment.
Slap!
"One," you mewl, feeling his hand burn on your skin.
Slap!
"Two," your breath hitches when you go to say it out loud, your skin stinging from his hand.
Slap!
"Thr—three!" you groan out loudly, the impact jolting your body against the top of the desk.
This one stung like a bitch.
Slap!
Without any warning, he adds one more spank to the same buttcheek before moving onto the other. He offers it a soft squeeze first, and then pulls his hand back and flattens his palm over it.
Slap!
"How many were those, huh?" he asks your mind fiddles with the remaining brain cells—how many were those? Really. How many?
"Si—six," you somehow manage to sputter, your spit falling on the desk in front of you.
"Good girl," he praises, rubbing his hand on your buttcheek before tracing it down to your folds. His fingers press and nudge against your folds until he rams one finger along your slit. Pushing down, wedging his finger deep inside, he watches your juices coat the length of his finger before he brings it to his nose to give it a good sniff. "I wonder if you're enjoying this punishment, pup. Are you? Are you enjoying this punishment...?"
First, your mind goes haywire when he teases you with that nickname. Pup. Well, you were turning out to be his pet, you might as well roll along with it.
Second, you were certainly enjoying the punishment, liking the way his hands were able to engulf your entire buttcheek at once.
Third, you're forced to slip out of your sanity when he aligns his cock with your hole and slowly sinks in. Your aroused juices proved helpful for him to slip right in. You suddenly start feeling full, the stretch of your walls subsiding into a soothing ache and then it sublimes completely into pleasure. Your desires were getting quenched; inch by inch your cunt swallows him whole, the burn on your walls now pacified by him. He doesn't move when he bottoms out, he keeps his cock sucked deep in you. Keeping one hand on the small of his back, he pushes your nimble body further against the desk—your back arches inwards and prodding your ass out for his easy access. 
"Fuck, such a tight cunt. Got no one to loosen it out, Miss Lee?" he smirks, grunting at the way your walls clenched around him and remains unmoving. "Don't worry, I'll fuck it loose—fuck," you tighten around him listening to his wispy words, "do you want me to, huh, pup? Do you want me to fuck you loose?"
"Yeah—yeah, yeah I'd like that," you murmur, your brain turned into a mush and your body shuddering as he slowly, very slowly, starts moving. He doesn't pull out completely, he keeps his cock buried deep in you and slides in and out at a leisure pace.
"Of course, my pup would like to get fucked senseless," he mumbles, slapping one of your buttcheeks again.
You were fully sure his hand was now printed on your skin in a bright red shade; the soreness didn't matter because the thrill was eating you up and turning it into bliss. Biting back a moan, you keep your breathing steady. Though, you feel your chest shatter entirely when he picks up his pace. Your fingernails start scratching at the varnish on the table, a bit of it getting stuck in them.
"Yes, prof—professor..." you groan, stuttering with his thrusts.
"Nuh-huh, for an obedient puppy like you, I'm your master," he slides his cock out, and rams back into you, letting it plunge deep, "what should you—should you call me, pup?"
"Master," you breathe out, exasperated. "Master, please go faster, fuck! Fuck me harder please, breed your little pup." You cry, genuinely letting tears streak down your cheeks; you were weak already, holding out till he would increase the rhythm of his merciless thrusts.
Something goes off in his head, his hips start snapping at an animalistic pace with your body thrashing against the wooden desk; his hands are all over you, touching you, caressing you, leaving his marks on you. Though, at a point he brings one of his hands to the curve of your back, while his other hand winds itself around your thigh. Seeming seconds drag on with his thrusts curt and sharp, his cock reaching deep in your cunt till you could feel it tauten in the pit of your stomach. Yunho could sense your walls clench around his cock, not liking it one bit—his thrusts start faltering, gradually coming to a halt.
Still buried deep in you, he leans over your back—inching close to your neck, he bites down harshly before whispering, "does my pup want to cum?"
You could discern the slyness in his voice, and you nod your head with your mouth agape, drool glistening down your lower lip and staining your chin. Bearing his size, tuning with his blunt thrusts, and the way his tip was abusing your sweet spot, it was all too much, sending you into a sensory overdrive. At this point, you had zero comprehensible thoughts in your mind except for the heinous acts you were weaving into your body: all of them being about your professor and his huge dick.
"Well, then my pup has to wait a little longer," he grunts close to your ear and then straightens himself up, "master isn't done with his pup yet."
"Can my pup wait a little longer?" he presses his hand down on your back, reluctantly making your walls clench around him.
You're left with no choice but to nod your head again, and it satisfies him; his gradually starts moving again, keeping his thrusts steady and slow. He lets you adjust to him again, and eventually increases his pace. Pulling and shoving himself into you, he starts bucking his hips into your thighs, his grip tightening till his knuckles turn white while you hold onto the edge of the table like your life depended on it. Your body oscillates to and fro, colliding and thumping with the wooden table with his every thrust. The sound of clothes crumpling, and the rattling of his belt buckle, makes your heart race harder in your chest.
You had never imagined you'd be caught in this situation; not that you didn't imagine or fantasise it, you didn't think it'd become a reality. Yeah, it's true that you had countless fantasises about your professor, one of them being fucked while you're bent over his desk—but the probability of him actually fucking you was one in a twenty, considering there were twenty female students in your class. Skin slapping against skin, his cock thrashing balls deep in your tight cunt, you were still mewling in your mind for more. The sensation was diabolical in a way, clustering your brain with unwanted thoughts—hell, you had lost it.
A known tightness tangles itself in your gut, your stomach cherishing the last bit of butterflies it felt before knowing you would flood down on his cock soon. Your senses drop, your stomach twists and knots, your heart runs a miles per hour because his thrusts were helping you chase your high. You were so sure he was going to let you take a break, let you ease out the tightness in your stomach; but to your unbridled surprise, he doesn't. His movements dither, slowing down till he comes to a stop again; he's still buried deep in you, and somehow that caused you more pain than his actual thrusts.
"Aww, my pup is too eager to get off," he mumbles, throwing his head back in pure bliss from your walls still clenched around him, but then he feels you loosen, and he starts pounding into you with a gentle tempo. "Not so soon. You're still getting punished."
He drags on for an hour or so, his thrusts stopping completely sometimes, his cock buried deep in your warmth—eventually he would pick up his pace and ram into your tight little cunt as if it was the last thing he wanted. You had been denied your orgasm a few times, counting it, you had been denied three times so far. Though that pleasure was turning into pain, your belly ached with every inch of strain his cock put on your cunt. Your stomach knots itself for the fourth time, your legs trembling and your yearning crossing your threshold to hold your orgasm in.
The familiarity only grows in your gut, your walls puckering around his cock to milk out his own orgasm; but he knows how to play it off well, he wasn't going to cum before you did. Pressing back into your thighs, he remains unmoving for a second before picking up his pace again, his cock plunges into the deeper void of your cunt, almost protruding the walls to your gut. You have lost your voice to make a sound, one thing—but the other thing was you weren't supposed to make a lot of noise. Swallowing your moans and grunts, you feel your high washing over; your walls tighten around his cock one last time before they're coming undone—releasing you juices all over his cock. Some of it squirts around as his cock still keeps plunging deep into you, a few drops stain his abdomen and get absorbed in his clothes, but he doesn't seem too bothered by it.
"My pup made a mess on my cock," he grumbles, closing his eyes shut as he helps you ease your cunt with a few of his concise and brief thrust. His thighs collide with yours, heat growing between your bodies and your skin slick from sweat and your orgasm. "Such a pretty pup, such a beautiful little baby..." he rambles on his own, incoherent and inaudible, but mostly it was him losing his mind over the trickling warmth of your arousal.
His thrusts become sloppy once he knows he's reaching his high; but he doesn't give out just yet. With a couple more longing and concise thrusts, he lets himself drive his cock deep into your warmth—he counts down the minutes with his ambling pokes till it becomes unbearable for him to hold out. Taking a deep breath and arching his back to let his cock plunge deep, he slides one of his hands on your lower back—pressing, pushing, digging his fingers and palm in your flesh, he releases himself in deep in you. With every thrust, he keeps pulling out till he completely slides out of you. He smirks at the sight his eyes behold, twinkling with a yearning no one knows, not even you; his load dribbles down your pussy, staining your skin in stark white shade, as some of it spurts on your inner thighs.
You're breathless, too fucked to understand anything and thus you couldn't register your surroundings quite well when he flips you over. Grabbing your shoulders, he pushes you down on the ground, having you kneel before him with his cock near your mouth. The veins on his cock were less bulged than before, but his shaft was coated in a thin layer of his cum and glints a bit with your juices.
"Clean me up, pup."
His order doesn't go unheard by you, and as the loyal little puppy you are to him, you hold on to the sides of his thighs and lean in to lick his cock off. At first, it's a weird concoction of saltiness and a little bit of sweetness, soon it fades to nothing. You lap your tongue around his shaft, over and under his tip till you've cleared everything off from his cock—you pull back, smiling dizzily because you were delighted to help him out. Half-lidded eyes trace a line up and you find him staring at down at you, his hand in the process to grab your jaw. Caressing your chin, he pulls you up on your feet and helps you sit on the desk before wrapping his arms around your waist to pull himself closer to you.
"Miss Lee," he whispers, "I'm sure the post-orgasm clarity is now sinking in both of our minds, but we certainly need to address the elephant in the room."
You lean forward to rest your head on his chest, closing your eyes shut for a moment, you take a deep breath in and relax your tensed muscles. "Professor Jeong...I've wanted this to happen for a long time."
"So, you have no regard for me losing my job, do you?" he teases, rubbing circles on your back to soothe you, "Lee Sherri, you really are a brat. Making me break my rules."
"What rules?" you grin, peeking up at him as your wrap your arms around his broad chest.
"I don't date my students," he murmurs, pecking your forehead.
"Who's suggesting you date me?" you chuckle, shaking your head, "we can be fuck buddies."
"Is that what you call it nowadays?" he laughs, heartily, pouting down at you as he continues, "we'll have to be really careful, Sherri. Can't have anyone knowing about us—"
Knock knock!
Your eyes go wide, your heart thumps in your chest and your lips start quivering in fear. On the other hand, Yunho is pretty tame, and he only offers you a reassuring smile.
"Straighten out your clothes and relax. It's no stranger, I've been expecting him actually," he mumbles, breaking apart from your embrace to pull his pants and briefs up.
Whilst he is buttoning his pants and buckling the belt, you too tug your panties up and hop off the desk. You try to smoothen out the creases on your skirt and blouse—your white lacy socks were stained with dust at the knees, but you didn't care about it. The clutter of papers on the desk remains as it is, neither of you bothered to organise it. Professor Jeong smiles at you warmly before heading to the door of the classroom, he unlocks the latch and pulls the doors inside to reveal another man with tall silhouette standing there. 
Professor Song.
"Since when have you been locking your doors, Yun?" the latter teasingly mutters and chortles, stepping past his friend and entering the classroom which reeks of sweat and sex. He sniffs the air and along the lines his eyes land on you, "ah. So, you were having "one-on-one" with your student."
Professor Song wasn't a professor from your department, he was the heartthrob of the physics department, seemingly the kind who would definitely not have any sentiments towards his students or anyone younger to him for that matter. Clad in a plaid shirt and khakis, he too had a body worth breaking the laws for; his toned biceps bulged out of the sleeves he had rolled over to his elbows, his thick thighs (which you've fantasied riding on) were defined by his tight khakis, and hazel eyes were piercing through you with curiosity.
"Miss Lee and I were just discussing, weren't we, Miss Lee?" Yunho calls out from behind him, tugging down on the crotch of his pants for some apparent reason.
"Discussing what?"
You shift your weight on your feet, standing an inch away from the desk (where you were just railed by your professor) and you pull down on your skirt, not knowing why you felt the need to. You eye your tote bag fallen down on the floor, then at the mess of your binder on the table, and one thing becomes clear which is you and Professor Jeong did fuck on the table.
"I was chiding her for not completing her experimental write-ups, Min," Yunho adds, scratching the back of his neck as he comes to stand next to him. "Miss Lee, we'll have a proper discussion about your careless behaviour next time, perhaps tomorrow. Now, you may leave."
You nod, "ye—yes professor."
Hastily, you sprint out of the classroom after gathering your things and stuffing them in your bag in a haphazard way; meanwhile Mingi rolls his eyes at his friend and scoffs.
"Lie to someone else, Yun."
"Fuck you," he grumbles before a conceited smirk takes over his face.
"If you keep your trap shut, maybe we can share."
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368 notes · View notes
darkeralmond · 11 months
Note
reader x conrad fisher where she/yn is belly’s bff and has been coming with them to cousins for the past couple summers.. one summer things change between yn and conrad and they kiss on the last night but she says they can’t (obviously bcos she knows how belly feels about him) next summer tho she gives in and they start secretly dating/hooking up and then belly finds out — v angsty with maybe some smut 💗
by far one of my favorite requests, anon! thank u sm for the request!! i love u sm!! ❤️❤️
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Dead To Me
Conrad x fem! Reader
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synopsis: conrad confessed the y/n last summer about how much he liked her, but y/n told him that they couldn’t date. this summer, the night when belly goes out with cam to a drive in movie, y/n finally decides she wants to be with conrad but only in secret. when y/n and conrad are getting hot and heavy at nicole’s party, belly walks in…
warnings: 18+, underage drinking, light smut, vulgar language, y/n playing the victim, angst
word count: 2.7k
a/n: i got a bit carried away, but this shit was SO FUN TO WRITE OML!! I laughed, I loved, and I cried when writing this. thank u sm anon for suggested this, I think this is one of the best works I’ve written in a while.
masterlist | request info
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Cam parked in front of the house and looked over at Belly before glancing back at you. “You girls ready?” he asked with a smile on his face.
Belly turned back to you and nodded her head confidently. “Let’s go,” she said. You hopped out of the backseat and linked arms with Belly. Cam the two of you like a lost puppy as you and Belly both strutted into the house confidently. You held your chin up high as you walked up through the front door.
Loud music blared from the speakers when the three of you entered. There were people everywhere drinking and getting high. “Belly!” a girl called out to her. She ran up to Belly and hugged her tightly while squealing.
Seeing how happy Belly was with this other girl sparked jealousy in you. It made it seem like she’d be fine without you. Belly then let go and turned to you. “Y/N, this is Nicole! She’s my older deb sister!”
Nicole. You knew that name. It was the name of the girl Conrad took to the deb ball previously. “Hi,” you faked a smile. You spoke in a honeyed voice to throw Belly and Nicole off.
“Y/N! I’ve heard so much about you!” Nicole held out her hand to shake. You hesitantly took it and gave it a firm shake before quickly letting go. Something about her seemed fake, and you weren’t saying that only because of her association with Conrad. “Let’s go get some cake!” She grabbed Belly’s hand and dragged her off, leaving you standing alone.
“Well, great,” you muttered to yourself as you looked around for anyone to talk to. Jeremiah was on the couch flirting to some guy you didn’t know and Steven was just running around getting drunk. Your blood boiled as the feeling of loneliness settled in.
You needed a drink to wash away this feeling of anger. You slivered through everyone, making a beeline to the kitchen to find any sort of alcohol. Your eyes landed on the Pink Whiteley bottle on the counter. Something to wash it all away. You popped the bottle open and poured it into a red solo cup. You then started sipping on it while examining the people in the kitchen.
That’s when you met his gaze from across the room. He drank out of a beer bottle while staring at you. You wouldn’t… not with him. Not on Belly’s birthday. But Belky was occupied with her other friends, she wouldn’t notice if you disappeared.
Your eyes shot a look over to the stairs as you jerked your head over. He caught your gist and immediately stopped his conversation with the group he was talking to.
You couldn’t hear what he said to them, the word you could read off his lips was “bathroom”. You then snuck through the crowd and up the stairs. A minute or two later, he ran up the stairs to meet you at the top.
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LAST SUMMER
You sat on the beach next to Conrad as the two of you stared out at the waves. “What’s it like…?” you asked, looking over at him.
He chuckled, “What’s what like?”
“You know… sophomore year.” You had been pretty nervous for your sophomore year, it was all you and Belly had talked about this summer. “Everyone says it’s way harder than freshman year and I’m really nervous.”
“Oh,” he smiled. He looked over at you, something about his blue eyes made your heart flutter. No, stop. This was your best friend’s crush. “Nah, it’s pretty much the same. Just have to take a couple APs and a few state tests.” He placed his hand on yours as he said, “You’ll be fine. You’re smart enough to make good decisions.”
Conrad then squeezed your hands. You felt a surge of electricity run up your arm and straight to your chest. You never realized how badly you wanted to hold his hand until now.
As the two of you sat there you thought about how wrong this felt. You had always felt this way about Conrad, you had always wanted to tell Belly, but she beat you to it. He always managed to give you an amazing feeling that you had to deny. Belly suggested you should get with Jeremiah since she thought he would be perfect for you, but you didn’t want to.
You always thought about Conrad. You thought about how cute he was, but it wasn’t just his cuteness either. Conrad really knew what he did and was confident in himself in ways no one ever had before.
“Y/N, can I tell you something?” he scooted closer to you to the point where your shoulders touched.
You froze, “Uh, sure.”
Conrad sighed softly and leaned toward you, his breath tickling your ear. His words sent shivers down your spine. They sounded almost seductive. “I like you. Like, I think about you constantly. Like, sometimes I dream about you when I’m awake. Like, all the time.” He pulled away and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Sorry if that was weird, I don’t normally say things like that.”
The world fell silent around you. Even though there was nothing but crashing waves, the air felt charged. You looked down to where your feet were buried in the cool early morning sand. You could feel the warm blush spread over your cheeks. You bit your lip nervously.
“I really like you too,” you finally breathed out. “But we can’t be together.” You couldn’t meet his eyes anymore. Not when you knew what kind of expression he was giving you. If you glanced up right now you would make you feel even more guilty.
“What do you mean?” he sounded confused. Obviously he was, he probably didn’t know rejection like this. That’s if you could even consider your answer rejection.
“Belly…”  you swallowed, your mouth feeling incredibly dry. The words stuck in your throat. Your thoughts raced, trying to conjure the sentence together. “She…she likes you. She’s liked you ever since she was 10. I can’t do this to her. It’ll hurt her”
Conrad was quiet for a moment. “I don’t care about that, I care about you, Y/N.” Your heart sank. “I want to at least try.”
There was another long pause. You felt the tension build between you. “No,” you whispered softly. “I don’t think we should.” You didn’t want to hurt Belly. You just felt so conflicted about this whole thing. You stood up, your hand fell out of his. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this to her.”
You walked back to the beach house, taking long and quick steps. He called your name repeatedly, but you didn’t listen. You were a better friend than that.
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THE BEGINNING OF THIS SUMMER
“Y/N,” Belly said as she walked into your guys’ shared bedroom. “I need to tell you something.”
You looked up at her while taking a sip of your Coke. “What?” You placed the can down on the nightstand, kicking your feet as they hung off the bed.
She plopped down next to you and put her hands on your thigh. “Well,” she had an enlarged smile on her face as her cheeks flushed red. “You remember Cam, right?” You nodded your head which warranted her to say, “He asked me out on a date!”
You gasped, grabbing her hands quickly as you turned your body to face her. “Oh, my God!” The two of you squealed and bounced with joy. “Belly, this is huge! Your first date!”
Her eyes sparkled happily as she gushed about her date. Her excitement was contagious; you also couldn't stop smiling. “Yeah! I need you to help me pick out an outfit for tonight.”
Your smile then faded a bit, “Wait, date tonight? Bells, who am I gonna hang out with?”
She shrugged, “You can hang out with the boys while I’m gone. I think conrad’s staying in..”
Right, she doesn’t know. You sighed, looking away from her. You were on the fence of telling her about what happened last summer, but you couldn’t. Not when she was this happy.
You took a deep breath in and met her gaze again. “Alright, but you have to promise you’ll tell me everything when you get back.” You grabbed her shoulders and shook them excitedly.
“Ok, ok.” She laughed as she got up. “Now, help me pick something out!”
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Later that night, you laid on her bed. She still wasn’t back and you were feeling lonely. Not just because Belly wasn’t here, but you wanted to be with Conrad. You had since last summer, you knew it was the right time to finally do so. Belly had a crush on someone who wasn’t Conrad. You knew what you had to do…
You had to talk to Conrad.
You rolled out of her bed and snuck down the hall to his bedroom. The rooms felt closer than usual as you lunged for his room. You held your fist up to knock, but you froze. You couldn’t move anything. There was an invisible force holding you in place. It felt like you were being held against your will.
The door swung open and there stood Conrad in front of you. He looked a little bit disheveled. His hair had fallen down, covering some of his face. “Oh, hey,” he said while looking down at you, running his fingers through his hair in an effort to fix it.  “Did you… uh… need something?” he stepped aside and motioned for you to come into his room.
“Yeah actually,” you replied quietly as you followed him in. He went over to his bed where he sat down, tuning his guitar. You sat down in the rolly chair by his desk and patted your hands against your thighs. After a few minutes, you cleared your throat. “Listen, I wanted to talk about last Summer.”
Conrad looked up from his guitar for a second. “Sure. What about it?”
You bit your lip nervously. “I think we should do it.”
His head snapped up. “What?”
“Belly’s going out with Cam now and she’s lost interest in you,”  you spoke slowly, unsure of where this conversation was headed. “And, well, I like the idea of being together.”
A nervous grin spread across his lips. “So we can do it?”
You nodded, “Yeah. We can do it, but only in secret.”
He smiled brightly, leaning his guitar against the wall. “Are you sure?” He asked, staring into your eyes intently.
“Positive,” you answered.
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PRESENT
He lifted you by your waist onto the dresser before placing his lips on yours passionately. You felt every muscle in your stomach twitch. He kissed you deeply, making sure to pull you closer to him. As his fingers brushed against your chest, you gasped lightly.
Part of you felt guilty for hooking up with Conrad while Belly was just downstairs. Part of you felt angry for the way Belly ditched you to hang out with her “better friends”. Part of you felt scared that Belly would catch you two in the act of hooking up. Part of you liked the adrenaline that came from hooking up in secret. It made things more exciting between you and Conrad, and it sure as hell created more sexual tension.
As you pressed yourself closer to him, your hands found their way under his shirt. His skin was smooth and tanned. He hummed against your lips as your hands traced his skin.
He pulled away and quickly locked his lips onto your chin, leading down to your neck. His tongue trailed along it as he sucked lightly on a spot. You let out a small moan at the sensation. A shiver ran down your spine at his touch. You ran your fingers through his silk hair as he began to suck harder at your skin.
“Conrad…” you moaned, running your fingers through his hair again. He growled low. “Please,” you begged as you tugged gently at his hair. You tried to take control of the situation, but he wouldn’t let you. Instead, he took over.
You felt your mind slip into darkness for a few moments as you felt him press kisses to the side of your neck. His hands then moved to your breasts, caressing them gently. Your body jolted at the unexpected pleasure.
His hands were warm against your skin as they rubbed up and down the sides of your breasts slowly. His breath huffed against your neck as he began sucking hard. His teeth lightly grazed the skin causing your entire body to shake.
“What the fuck?” a voice yelled. You opened your eyes as Conrad quickly let go of you. Belly stood there with her mouth wide open, her eyebrows lowered as she stared at you two. “Y/N, are you fucking serious?!”
Conrad was frozen in fear. “Belly, let me explain!” You quickly hopped off the counter and approached her.
“You’re hooking up with Conrad?!” she yelled.
Conrad glanced down at you, “I think I should…”
“No! You’re staying right there!” She pointed at him as she cut him off. “Y/N, were you going to tell me?”
“I-I wanted to tell you earlier, but you were too happy talking about Cam,” you stuttered. “I didn’t want to hurt you by telling you!”
She scoffed, “You wanna know what hurts? You hooking up with Conrad to begin with!”
Your jaw tightened as you glared at her. “It shouldn’t matter now! You’re gonna end up dating Cam anyways!” You were starting to get upset as she stood in front of you with her arms crossed.
Her eyebrows raised in anger. “Don’t bring Cam into this! You know exactly why I don’t want you hooking up with Conrad.” She stared at you as she saw your expression turn even more guilty.
She noticed as Conrad turned his attention away from her. “You fucking told him, didn’t you?” You stayed silent, just staring at her. She scoffed, “Of course you did.” She let in a long inhale, she was on the verge of tears.
She shook her head as she paced around the room. You had never seen her this hurt before, you didn’t know how to react. She took in a long inhale. “How long…?” She turned to face you. “How long have you been hooking up?”
You frowned, “We started hooking up the night you left with Cam...”
She walked toward you while grasping onto her hair like she could pull it out. “Is this some kind of sick joke?!” Her voice cracked at the end as her fists clenched at her sides. “Why?! Why would you do this to me?!”
You flinched. “I like him, Belly. He likes me.”
“Oh yeah?” She was crying now, from a mixture of sadness or anger. “You’re dead to me…” She made her way to the door to leave.
“Belly,” you called out to her. “You don’t mean that…”
Her eyes flickered back towards you, “We both know I fucking mean it.” She turned and slammed the bedroom door shut.
You stood there, tears falling down your face as you turned to face Conrad. You could see the hurt and regret in his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but stopped himself. He seemed hesitant to say anything.
When he finally decided to speak, he sounded almost ashamed. “This wasn’t my intention.” He looked away from you then.
You walked up to him and hugged him tightly. “I know…” You sighed, “Belly’s just heart broken.” You cried harder, “I’m such a bad friend!”
“Don’t say that” His arms snaked themselves around your waist as you buried your face in his shoulder. “I hate that this is how she finds out about us.”
“Me too,” you sobbed. This whole thing was a mistake. Not telling Belly was a mistake. You should’ve just been honest. Conrad rubbed his hand up and down your back as you cried. “I wanna go home…”
“I can drive you back to the beach house,” Conrad suggested.
“No,” you looked up at him. “I want to go home.”
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topguncortez · 3 months
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Maybe blurb from crying prompt idk if this would be a hide or hold maybe both? But the reader holds her emotions in during a family thing because she's the oldest sibling and she feels like she has to be strong because that's how her family was raised and then she gets a moment and they tell her to stop being strong and that it's okay to let it out. I'm thinking either Bradley or Jake?
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Hold My Hand - J. Seresin x Reader
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synopsis: you get a phone call that no child ever wants to get, and as the "rock" of the family, you aren't allowed to break.
warnings: parental death, trauma, parental abandonment, incorrect medical jargon, mental abuse, grief, depression
note: I know this was supposed to only be a blurb, but I started writing and I couldn't stop. These past 16 days have been hell and there was something about writing this that just felt so freeing, like the cloud hanging over me has finally been lifted.
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it had felt like a lifetime had passed, but in reality, it had only been 10 days.
10 days since that frightening phone call on that cold January day.
10 days since your mother called you, sound incoherent on the phone but you managed to gather the gist of it.
10 days since you had rushed out of your house, your hair half done, your husband chasing after you like you had lost your mind.
10 days since your father so bravely rushed into a burning building, saving other children and leaving you, your siblings and your mother behind.
You were angry, at first. Angry at the world for allowing this to happen. Angry at your father for playing superman when he was just a regular man. Angry at the other people standing around who didn’t have the same courage to run into the fire instead of standing by and yelling at your father to turn back. Angry that this was going to be the end; that your mother would be a widow at a young age, your youngest sisters wouldn’t have their father to walk them down the aisle, your children wouldn’t ever have another “grandpa day”, that you’d never get another hug and an “i love you” from your father again.
You wanted to cry. You wanted to shut out the world, force the cameras away, force the sorrowful looks from others away, force the heavy weight of your heart onto someone else.
But you couldn't. You had to be the strong one. For your mother. For your siblings. For your own children.
Jake had been watching you like a hawk since you had gotten that phone call. The morning started out like any other morning, with the two of you waking up before the sun was in the sky, making sure you had enough time to do a quick at-home workout and a run. You had been working on packing the kids' lunches when you got that call. He had to pry the keys out of your hands, telling you that your mother didn't need you and your father in the hospital.
Jake had eyed you the whole drive, noticing the redness and the unshed tears in your eyes. The way that you clutched the dainty silver cross around your neck between your fingers. The way that you sniffled every so often, trying to hold back the tears. But the second you stepped into the hospital, seeing the distressing look on your mother's face and the waiting room full of fellow firemen, you rolled your shoulders back and pushed back your own sadness and grief.
Those 10 days had been the best and worst of your life. You hardly left the hospital, unless Jake was physically forcing you to leave. You hardly ate, hardly slept, hardly took care of yourself. Your mind was so worried about everyone else except yourself. For 9 days, you had believed that maybe, just maybe, your father would pull through. But that all came crashing down on day 10, when your father's brain had swelled and his doctor's pronounced him brain dead.
"Y/N," Your mother had spoke, looking over at you as the doctor stood in front of your family. Jake shifted in his seat, putting his hand on your thigh, "You need to do it."
"What?"
"No," You and Jake spoke at the same time.
Your mother shook her head, "I can't be the one. . .," Tears clogged her throat, "I can't be the one who takes him-"
Jake scoffed, sitting up straight in his chair, his grip tightening on your thigh, "And you want your daughter to-"
"Jake," You sighed. There was no use in fighting. After all, you were the eldest. You knew eventually you would be the one who gets stuck making the medical choices for your parents. You just assumed you'd have more time to prepare. You rolled your shoulders back and looked at the doctor, "What do I need to sign?"
"It was such a lovely service," Your aunt Marjorie said, patting Jake's hand as he spoke to him. It was true, you had done a fantastic job planning a funeral for your father, all by yourself. Jake had helped you the best that he could, going with you to pick out a casket and a grave plot and music and flowers, "That Y/N was always Lee's favorite."
"I know," Jake gave Aunt Marjorie his best gentleman smile, the one that made his dimple pop out, "She's a special girl."
"Oh and how brave she was standing in front of everyone and speaking?" Aunt Marjorie placed her hand on her heart. Jake nodded his head, wishing that he could be anywhere else than in a conversation with Aunt Marjorie, "And that Miranda," Aunt Marjorie scoffed, looking over at where your mother sat stoic on the couch, "Looks like she's going to be the next to go."
Jake clenched his jaw, pulling his eyes away from your mother. He had his own thoughts and feelings about her, ones that he had shared with you one night during a heated fight.
"She has abandoned you!" Jake yelled, as you angrily pulled the blankets back on the bed. You were exhausted and just wanted to sleep in your bed for one night. You had managed to get your mother to stay with your father for the night, which was like pulling teeth, "You need her to be the parent and she's not."
"She is grieving too, Jake," You sighed.
"And you're not!?"
"I am," You ran a hand down your face, "I just handle it differently. I've always been the strong rock. The one who doesn't cry. The one who holds others when they cry," You sat down on the bed, your body heavy with exhaustion.
"And I know that, baby," Jake rounded the bed, and sat down beside you. He grabbed your hand, holding it in his own, "You are strong. You are incredibly fucking strong. . . but you shouldn't have to be the strong one right now. You shouldn't be the one pulling all nighters by your dad's side. You shouldn't be the one making medical decisions on your father's behalf. Even though you are an adult. . . Y/N, baby, you're still his child. Your mother should-"
"I don't want to have this conversation anymore," You pulled your hand away from Jake, "My mom isn't well, and she needs me to help her-"
"Bullshit," Jake scoffed, "She is abandoning you and you know it."
You clenched your jaw, holding back the anger radiating in your body. Jake held a tiny bit of hope that maybe, just maybe you'd lash out at him. That you'd show some type of emotion after being a near zombie these past 8 days. But instead, you stood up quietly and left the room, choosing to go sleep in your son's room instead.
Jake had drown out Aunt Marjorie's talking, his eyes landing on you across the room. You had opened up your home to your family, your father's fire crew, Jake's squad and friends for a meal and drinks following the funeral. You had done a great job at not falling apart during the service or the burial, but Jake could tell that the rope was starting to fray. And right now, it was about to snap as you were talking animatedly with your sister across the room in a small alcove.
"Hey, Aunt Marjorie," Jake turned back to look at the 80 year old woman, "It was lovely catching up with you, but I need to go help Y/N with something. We should do coffee some time."
"Oh yes, that'd be-"
"Great, see you later," Jake quickly made his way over to you, not bothering to hear the rest of Aunt Marjorie's response.
The last thing you wanted to do in a houseful of guests from your father's funeral, was get into an argument with your sister, but here you were. Claire was the baby of the family, the one who got away with the most. Your relationship with Claire was rocky, as the line between sister and mother-figure had gotten crossed while you were growing up. You wanted what was best for Claire, and sometimes that required extra tough love and parenting.
"You are high!" You exclaimed.
"I am not," Claire's voice was slightly slurred. Jake's nose scrunched up as he walked into the room, smelling the distinct scent of marijuana.
"My whole damn shed smells like marijuana, Claire," You crossed your arms over your chest, "This isn't like you. What is going on? Talk to me."
"Oh god," Claire rolled her eyes, "Here she goes again. Acting like my mother!"
"Well!" You scoffed, throwing your arms in the air. Jake stood behind you, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. In the past couple days, you had shrugged off any sort of comfort that Jake offered you, but now, you welcomed it, "You smoked a joint before you walked into dad's funeral! Smoked another one in my shed, where your niece and nephew play. And don't even get me started on how you reeked like vod-"
"Y/N," Your mother's voice filled the air, making all three of you look towards her, "Let's not do this now."
"No," You shook your head, "Let's do this now. Your daughter is high. She smoked up in my garage and then walked into my house smelling like a dispensary."
Your mom looked over at your sister and then back at you. You felt a pang in your chest as you watched her silently side with your sister. The familiar burning sensation of tears prickled at your eyes and nose.
"She's grieving," Your mother simply answered.
You scoffed, "And who isn't?"
"Y/N,"
"Forget it," You shook your head, "It's nothing, it's fine. It's always fucking fine."
For the rest of the afternoon, you made yourself busy, staying far away from your mother and sister. Jake remained within arms reach of you, his presence comforting and not overbearing. You had finally sat down, and managed to get something in your stomach. It must've been evident on your face, but the guests had only said a couple words to you before going on their way. It took nearly four hours, but all the guests had left, filling your house with a silence you hadn't heard in nearly 10 days.
Jake had taken the burden of cleaning everything up, while you sat on the back porch, watching the sunset with a glass of wine in your hand. The cool San Diego winter breeze felt nice against your heated skin.
"The house is finally, back to normal," Jake announced as he walked out onto the back porch. Natasha had gratefully volunteered to take your children for the night, so you and Jake could decompress.
"Thank you, daddy," You smiled sweetly at him, as he sat down next to you on the porch swing.
"Of course, baby," He said, and held out a white gift box, "Someone left this for you."
You furrowed your eyebrows, taking the box from him and lifting the lid. Your breath caught in your throat as you lifted the small, gold pocket watch from the box.
"Y/N," Jake said softly.
You looked up at him with tears in your eyes, "I always wanted this," You ran your hand over the engraved hummingbird on the gold casing, "It was from my grandfather's jewelry store and it quit working. My dad said he was going to get it fixed and give it to me as a wedding gift, but he lost it. . . I-I don't know-"
"Well, does it work?" Jake asked.
You swallowed, opening the face of the watch open. To your surprise, it did work. The second hand ticked around in perfect time as the watch seemed to already be set to the correct time. The beautiful watch had a colorful humming bird painted onto the face in the middle of the black Roman numeral numbers, and gold watch hands.
"It's perf- oh, c'mon," You cursed, as the watch stopped ticking. You tapped the glass face a couple of times, trying to maybe, just maybe get it up and ticking, "C'mon! You just. . . worked! C'mon!"
"Baby," Jake spoke, gently placing his hand on your wrist.
"No! It has to work! It has to!"
"Baby, it's okay," Jake assured you, "It's o-"
"Nothing is okay!" You snapped, looking up at him as the tears had finally escaped your eyes, "Nothing about any of this is okay!" You pushed yourself up from the porch swing, rushing to the edge of the patio and throwing the watching across the yard with a scream. Jake closed his eyes as loud sobs escaped from your lugs, as the grief had finally seemed to rush to you.
He stood up from the porch swing and enveloped you in his arms. You sagged against him, feeling his arms tighten around you to be able to hold you up. Jake hushed you, placing a hand on the back of your head, and his chin on the top.
"Let it out, baby," Jake encouraged you, running a hand over your hair, "Let it all out, baby."
You weren't sure how long you stood there in Jake's arms and cried, but he eventually picked you up, after feeling your legs grow weak. He carried you through the house, to your shared bedroom, sitting you down gently on the bed. You didn't even need to tell him what to do as he moved through the bedroom with familiarity, grabbing you nightgown, taking you out of your dress, washing the make-up from your face and applying your moisturizer.
"What do you need from me, baby?" Jake asked, as he kneeled in front of you, sliding your socks on your feet.
"I don't know," Your voice was raspy as you looked at him confused, "I've never. . . I've never felt-"
"I know," Jake nodded his head, "I know you haven't, and it can be scary the first time you just. . . lose it all." Jake could remember the first time he had ever broken down like you had. It was terrifying as he cried and destroyed the things around him. It felt like it was never going to end as one thing after another had set him off, until he was on the ground in the fetal position, withering, "But it will all be okay. I'm here to help you. Let me help you."
You nodded your head, tears springing to your eyes again. Jake cooed, and pulled you into his arms again as the tears fell down your cheeks.
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383 notes · View notes
fictoculus · 9 months
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hi! i was wondering if you could do wanderer, tighnari, childe, heizou, and maybe thoma with a reader who suffers from like severe depression? like they have no motivation to do anything and they’re always tired and sad and all of that depression stuff (i put that really mildly but i think you get my gist). and maybe if possible could you include that like, the reader is always helping other people and never helps themself because they don’t think they deserve it?
i’m sorry if this is too heavy a request. no pressure and no worries if you don’t want to do it!
౨ৎ no matter how alone you feel, i am always here...
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send a request!┊masterlist┊taglist applications
FEAT... wanderer/kuni, tighnari, childe, heizou
A/N... hellooo, thank you so much for this request, i'd be more than happy to write this for you! i'm so sorry but i had to remove thoma from the mix as i couldn't come up with any ideas for himmm. also also i apologise if childe's section is super ooc, i really struggle writing for him, but this is good practice! i did include other mental health related topics that can link to depression as i wanted to try and connect with as many people as possible. this does not mean i expect you to be suffering from those things, and in no way do you have to in order to be suffering from depression. if you are, that's ok too ♡
WARNINGS... self harm (heizou), depression, injury, home-neglect/"depression home" (childe), suicidal thoughts (tighnari), references to derealisation (wanderer/kuni), swearing
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✧ wanderer.
♪ wanderer, can be harsh, and has proven to have quite the tough exterior. that doesn't mean he loves you any less. and so, when he found out how you'd really been feeling, and that you'd been having to put up with it alone? he was absolutely heartbroken.
♪ you had forced yourself to get out of bed that morning, feeling almost limp as you stumbled down the stairs. nothing felt real. nothing felt like it mattered.
"morni- are you ok?" tear stains ran down your cheeks, your eyelashes still damp and your eyes bloodshot. the tip of your nose was a soft shade of pink, and the colour of your lips was slightly more vibrant than usual. "have you been crying?"
♪ it would have been one of the only times his shell completely shattered, leaving his interior exposed as he cried; not for you, but with you. the two of you wouldn't have said a word, but instead just sat wrapped around each other, in silence.
♪ with anyone else, he would've been embarrassed. being seen crying was not something many would expect of the wanderer; but it was you. you were hurting, you needed him, and so he wasn't afraid to be vulnerable around you if that's what it takes.
"shhhh, i know, i know... i'm sorry" wanderer, or kuni as you call him, was cradling you in his arms, rocking from side to side and burying his face in your hair. he was trying his best to keep himself together, using your scent to ground himself. "stop- please" tears threatened to spill as you broke apart right in front of him, squirming in his arms, but he refused to let you go. his grip only tightened, pulling your back further into him until you finally stopped thrashing, only to break down into tears. you felt him tremble against your back, his arms shaking slightly as his own tears began to dampen your hair.
♪ he'd known something was off about you, but he had confidence in your strength, you're one of the strongest people he's ever known, after all; but he often fails to realise that everyone can be weak sometimes, and that is one of the beauties of life.
♪ leaving you to handle things alone seemed like the best solution to wanderer; your mind needed the time to rest, to give itself a kickstart and power on like usual... but, oh, how he was wrong.
♪ probably the last thing you needed was to be alone, whether you knew it or not. you needed him; his voice, his gentle touch, his loving kisses, his words - however harsh they may sometimes be.
"it's hard work loving me, isn't it? you... you don't deserve to have to live like this, kuni" "don't say that, it's all work worth doing... you deserve the world, [name], and so much more, more than i could ever give you, got that?" his words carry meaning, so much more than a poem, a song, a kiss. they're unwavering, deeply engraved into the forefront of your mind the moment they slip from his lips. "i'll do this a hundred times if i have to, i don't care. i will still love you all the same, ok? i know i don't say it a lot, but nothing can ever change that, and that's a fact."
♪ he'd hug you until the sun goes down, taking your hand in his own and slowly guiding you to the bedroom once the time to rest arose. physical touch is a love language of his, since he often struggles with his words, and so he cuddled you through the night, instinctively squeezing you just a little tighter than usual.
"i will never leave you, [name]... no matter how alone you feel, i am always here"
✧ tighnari.
♪ tighnari has been out on a trip to aaru village for a few days now - planning to observe how different species of plants grow in different climates - leaving you alone in gandharva ville to watch over collei while he's gone. you do love collei, but sometimes she can be... a bit hard to handle; often getting herself into trouble. it's a lot to deal with, especially with that peculiar numbness which has been dragging you down for weeks now...
♪ unexpectedly, your lover had come home early from his trip; there had been some sort of 'incident' in aaru village which was to remain confidential, even tighnari didn't know the details.
♪ he'd half expected to find you in the kitchen, having lunch with collei, or perhaps reading that book you were obsessed with (which now fails to peak your interest), but instead he finds you curled up in bed, trembling.
"love?" "... nari? y- you're back?" you replied, your voice woven with surprise yet you couldn't bring yourself to show him your face.
♪ concerned, he sat on the edge of the bed, positioning himself so that he was facing the lump which he assumed was you. you shuffled, the sheets rustling as you tried to get closer to him, finding his presence alone comforting.
"are you ok, darling?" "hm? yeah, yeah i'm- i'm ok, i'm good" "would you look at me? i haven't seen you in so long, i want to see the beautiful face of yours"
♪ smart, that's what he was, smart and cunning. he already knew you were crying the moment he stepped into this house, his sensitive ears picking up your sniffles and broken sobs. he wanted to comfort you, to be there for you, maybe (definetely) even hold you, but how was he meant to if you hide yourself away from him?
♪ reluctantly, you turned to face him, showing him your teary eyes but hiding the rest of your face under the bed covers. he reached out and pulled them away from you, leaning down to kiss your nose softly and giving you a weak smile. a couple tears began to fall down your cheeks, but he kissed them away too, trying his bst to show just how much he loves you
"what's the matter, hun? what's been bothering you?" you take a deep breath; this is it, your chance, your chance to tell him everything, to finally confide in him. "things have been hard you know... having to take care of collei, running errands, just- everything, all while having this aching numbness in my chest..." "numbness? love, what do you mean?" "i don't know... it sounds silly i-" he jumps to interrupt you, to reassure you and show how patient he's willing to be with you. he never wants you to dismiss your feelings; he takes your wellbeing very seriously. "no, no it really doesn't, i'm just trying to wrap my head around everything that's all" "are you sure? we don't have to talk about it if-" "no, darling, i'm sure" "ok, well... it's just been lonely, and it's really hurting... i just wish everything would end"
♪ tighnari felt his heart shatter in that moment; you wanted it to end? the love of his life, the one most precious to him, has gotten to the point where they want to completely give up, and it breaks him.
♪ he slowly lowers himself down on top of you, wrapping his arms around you waist and rolling the two of you over so that you were ontop of him, cradling you in his arms and - unbeknownst to you - silently crying with you.
♪ the two of you just lay there in eachothers arms, refusing to let go of the other, tangled together under the covers. it must have been a couple hours before tighnari broke the silence, deciding that you'd had long enough to reflect and attempt to calm yourself down.
"[name], listen to me... no matter how alone you feel, i am always here, ok? i love you so much, and i'm sorry you've had to go through this alone. i will help you, i'm fighting with you now""you don't have to promise me anything, just... please consider coming to me whenever you're thinking like this, ok?" "i will, thank you, nari... i love you"
✧ childe.
♪ both you and childe have a fairly packed schedule, running around liyue day in day out to keep people happy. your beloved seems almost completely unaffected, getting riled up at pesky customers being the worst of his worries, you - on the other hand - had an entirely different load.
♪ due to the fact that the two of you were so busy, you rarely got to see eachother, maybe brushing by eachother but only being able to share a kiss before one of you got dragged off to more business. so, you always made sure to make time for eachother, clearing out at least two days on your calendar (typically wednesdays and saturdays) to spend together, telling the other all the exciting or nerve-wracking things you had encountered in the week
♪ however, what childe doesn't know is that you'd been off the job for almost a month now, spending your days in your own home, stuck in bed despite the voice deep in the back of your mind willing you to get up...
"honey, you home? you kept me waiting you know..." no response... little did he know, you were cursing under your breath; it's wednesday. you paced your room in panic before stopping in front of the mirror, gripping at your hair when you saw your reflection. you practically slammed yourself forward, hands now on the mirror as you traced your reflection's 'imperfections'. you were completely lost in your own head, too lost, in fact, to notice you were the only thing keeping the mirror from crashing down, the already loose screws falling to the floor as soon as you applied pressure. "fuck!!" you yelled, the glass shattering all over your floor, luckily not digging into your skin, but you didn't come out completely unscathed, a couple scratches ;iterring your hands and legs. "love? [name]?! open the door! are you ok?!" he shouts, pounding on your front door, the entirety of liyue must have been able to hear him. "don't come in!! please, just wait, i'll be right there! i'm ok! just please-"
♪ without waiting another moment and completely dismissing your pleas - due to pure concern - he unlocks your door with the key you gave him, walking into your apartment but finding it almost unrecognisable. it was a mess; clothes strewn across the floor, garbage piling up on the kitchen table and beside your bedroom door.
"[name]? hun, what's going on?" you could hear the concern weighing his voice down, it becoming lower and scratchier as he approaches your bedroom. "ah- i told you not to come in!"
♪ he pushes your door open, only to freeze in the doorway when he caught sight of you, greasy hair tangled into a nest-like structure, dark circles making your eyes pop.
"holy shit!! what in teyvat happened? are- are you ok!?" his eyes are wide, hands shaking as he approaches you slowly, holding your shoulders as he scanned you up and down. "archons, what happened... love, is there something going on? is someone hurting you? has someone done something? talk to me! please i just-"
♪ the whole situation was more than just overwhelming; being stood in a ring of shattered glass, exhausted, embarassed, the whole package.
♪ naturally, you began to tear up, lowering yourself down until your were squatting, holding your head in you hands and sobbing, all while childe stood and watched; he didn't know what to do.
♪ he'd never seen you like this before, so vulnerable, so afraid, so hurt; and it hurt him too. carefully, he swept away the glass with his foot, creating a path for you to 'escape' safely and into his arms, which you did; slamming yourself into him and burying your face in his chest.
"i- i'm sorry, i'm so sorry i forgot and- and my place is a mess and i'm- i'm a mess and, archons- childe... childe, i'm falling apart" "shhhh, you're ok, i'm here now, ok? just breath for me, love" "it- it's just so hard, y'know? alone... i'm so alone, i- i can't do this alone, fuck i'm sorry, i just- it feels like i'm losing control of myself; i can't even think straight anymore and i feel so dazed all the time and... i'm lonely, e- even though i'm surrounded by so many people, i'm so lonely"
♪ he let's you talk, not daring to interrupt you, just listening to you, holding you close and stroking your arm in an attempt to reassure you. only when you stop talking does he pull away, peppering your face in loving kisses before planting an especially sweet one on your lips.
"honey, stop, i'm all gross and-" "i don't care"
♪ and he shows you that he doesn't, kissing you again and again; your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, your lips, everywhere. he has so much love for you, and he just keeps on giving. he doesn't care if you don't think you deserve it, if you don't think he should have to 'deal with you'; he gives it to you regardless, and that's something you can't help but love about him.
"no matter how alone you feel, i am always here, understand? i love you, [name], and i care about you, more than anything; more than my job, the fatui, mora, the list goes on. nothing is more important to me than you, and i'm not ashamed to say it. i am the one who doesn't deserve you, i'm blessed to even know you, nevermind have the privilige of loving you. so accept it, please, take my love, my heart, my everything; all my being is here for you." "archons, i love you, childe" "i love you, [name]"
(big ass dramatic speech for our drama queen) (rest assured, he meant every word)
✧ heizou.
♪ the man is a detective, so he quite quickly caught on, but was hesitant to mention it, bringing it up jokingly only for you to completely dismiss it. heizou could tell by the look in your eyes alone that something was seriously wrong; the old sparkle being replaced by a dull void. nevertheless, he would still get lost in your eyes, but feel as if he were falling down a bottomless pit; it was like he could feel what you were feeling, see what you were seeing, and it hurt.
♪ he'd be returning home from a long day of detective work, uncovering clues and deciphering codes to find missing persons, his eyelids dropping as he locked the front door behind him
"honey, i'm home!" he calls out, knowing well how cheesy the phrase was, and using that to his advantage, wanting the first thing he sees after a long day on the job to be your smile. "love?" after hearing no response - not even the shuffling of your slippers against the wooden floorboards - he grew concerned, eyebrows furrowing as he began to wonder: "where could they be?"
♪ someone coming after you must be his most dreaded nightmare; a thought that haunts him late at night, though thankfully the sight of you sleeping soundly next to him always seems to calm him, but this time you aren't there... you aren't there beside him to comfort him, to show him you're safe, to prove to him you aren't hurt. the poor man is stood in the entryway of your shared home, eyes wide and scanning the coat hooks for any missing coats, or the shoe rack for any easy-access pairs you may have grabbed if you were faced with the need to run.
♪ merely thinking about a criminal exploiting heizou's soft spot for you as revenge for proving them guilty sent chills down his spine, the thought of you being hurt scaring you more than anything ever could, even more than some of his worst cases.
"calm down, heizou, they're probably fine" he reassures himself, trying to keep calm and prevent himself from thinking (or acting) irrationally. finally stepping into the front room, heizou's eyes switch from doorway to doorway, trying to decide where you're most likely to be. watching tv in the living room? nope. cooking dinner in the kitchen? not there either. showering in the bathroom? still no. watering the plants in the back garden? this late at night? no way! sleeping in the bedroom? not quite...
♪ peeking through the crack in the bedroom door, he sees you sat on the edge of the bed, hunched over and unmoving. his first thought is to burst through the door and hug you, lifting you off your feet and spinning you around in relief... that is until his eyes recognise the red trickling down your thighs...
♪ you wanted to feel something, anything. an escape from this numbness was all you wanted, all you needed, yet it would slip from your grasp as soon as the pain subsided. it was unloving, unforgiving, cruel; leaving you alone once more, staring a hole into the blank spot of yours and heizou's bedroom wall.
"you thought i wouldn't notice, love? i am a detective, y'know..."
♪ yes, admittedly it wasn't the best choice of words, but in all honesty, he wasn't quite sure how to react. he pushed the door open, poking his head through first with a weak smile before opening it further and sliding through the gap. no matter how hard he tried to hide it, you could see his eyes welling up with tears, his bottom lip wavering as he looked you in the eyes.
"can... would it be ok if i come closer?" his gentle voice calls out, you can hear the sadness in your voice, and it hit your heart with a 'twang'. you nod meekly, reaching out your hand to grab a cloth and covering your leg, but he grabs your wrist to stop you "please, let me see?" "'zou... you don't need to help me" "[name], i want to help you, i'm choosing to do this... so please"
♪ at first you're doubtful, confused as to why anyone would want to give you this kind of help, especially heizou. not because you view him negatively, but because you could tell he was exhausted; being a detective is hard work, and has proven to be very draining.
♪ deep down you didn't think you deserved it. despite always being happy and willing to help others, nobody ever seems to want to return the favour, and so your frozen in shock - not pain - when he begins cleaning your wounds.
"do you maybe wanna talk about it?" he asks, looking up at you with kind eyes, showing you how genuine he was. whatever was bothering you, he wanted to know, he wanted to help, because you deserve his help. "... m- maybe later?" as much as you hate to dissapoint him, you can't bring yourself to even think about how you'd explain all this to heizou; not wanting to scare him or become 'one of his clients', though you know he would never treat you that way. "of course, whenever you need, love... you know i love you, right? and... and that no matter how alone you feel, i am always here" "i love you..."
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thanks for reading ♡ want to read more? my requests are OPEN, so please feel free to let me know what you'd like me to write next!
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☆ a little message i wanted to share... ( feel free to skip)
"i know some random person from the internet saying this may not help, but i want you to know that you are loved, you are cared for, whether you know it or not. there are billions of people on this planet, not one of us are the same, and so no one will ever really know how you're feeling, but that's ok. this is something you are going through and something you will get yourself out of. yes, it will take time, and it'll be hard, but i believe in you. nobody knows you better than yourself. if you think doing something, anything, will make you feel worse, don't do it. you know your boundaries better than anyone, no matter what other people say. take your time. of course, it's good to help others, but sometimes you'd be helping other people more if you took a second to take care of yourself. you do deserve it. please stay safe and take care of yourself. ily ♡"
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© FICTOCULUS 2023; please do not steal, translate, or repost my works as your own
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xo-cod · 5 months
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A fantasy that has been on my mind for some time is being in the poly with the tf141 and having 4 kids that clearly belong to each one of them but all of them treat the others like their own.
I'm just gonna put that idea in your head and run away do what you want with it👀👀👀
ps: I love aaaall your fics but especially how you write the poly ones 😘👌
thank you, my love <33 i hope you enjoy this, i think i misinterpreted this but i loved it so bad :")
4 men + 4 children + you = a recipe for disaster (lovingly)
they all treat the children as their own, there isn't any favouritism shown in front of the children (obvs the dads to each corresponding child would bond a little more closer to them but you get the gist)
it's simply a tradition for each child to receive a kiss before the men go off to work. soap and ghost have rushed out in a hurry but quickly do a u turn and come back to press a tender kiss to the children and then you and then they leave in a hurry
it's a loud chaotic house (assuming you all live together) but you're never alone in taking care of the kids
simon does cooking, price does the cleaning, gaz and johnny washes up and you entertain the children and get them all ready for bed (yes they do the cooking and the cleaning ‼️)
bedtime stories. all the babies cuddled up on their own dad's chest while you read a story for them, resulting in most days waking up to see them sleeping all in one bed since no one had the heart to move the sleeping babies from their chest
deployment can get very hard even if their hours are cut and it draws heavy on their hearts too, being away from you and their baby. each man makes it up to you always <3
but each of the children taking after their dad :") i made the kids into girls, they're such girl dads 😩
price's daughter: a gem. naturally a little more quiet but she's compassionate and a great listener. her heart is gold, always making sure that those around her are good and well. she's is a natural charmer, an observer and a listener. somehow always knowing the solution to the problem wherever all the kids get into trouble.
simon's daughter: she's got the sass from her father. doesn't take shit from no one but a total affectionate baby underneath. loves deeply, always wants the best for everyone. fiercely protective even from a tiny age, somehow always managing to get into trouble in wanting to use the "grown up" weapons instead of the baby ones simon had to buy to make sure there were no injuries since she was so curious. get into a lil bit (or a lot bit) of trouble because they want to train like the soldiers
gaz's daughter: a curious little thing, she is. her eyes always hold interest in whatever is placed in front of her. interested in how everything works, a hard worker. albeit she get into trouble sometimes because she likes testing her limits and somehow always falling off from things which results in her dad getting mini panic attacks everytime she isn't in sight.
johnny's daughter: a breath of fresh air. so much laughter packed in her tiny lungs, hyperactive always, trying to make the best of every situation. always able to make you smile, no matter what state you're in. little ball of sunshine, giggles sure to put you out of a bad mood. and the total prankster of the group. so very sneaky but so innocent looking so nobody suspects a thing
and then imagine if the kids all had total different personalities. price's kid is like gaz, simon's kid is like price, gaz's kid is like johnny and soap's kid is like simon lmfao. it would be so fun to see how they react <3
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moonrisecoeur · 5 months
Note
IM BACK CUZ IM MENTALLY UNWELL OK. and yes you’re the best sub Leon writer 😏🥱 and yes I liked it, SITTING ON HIS FACE? 😍🥱
I’m so sorry for blasting ur req box but YOURE AN ACTUALLY GOOD SUB LEON WRITER SO can you blame me? concept: idk why but re4 Leon is so free use coded and so imagine he is on a mission with a new assigned partner but she’s an asshole to him (“fuck off man, I can do it myself, “I don’t need your help”, “you’re too nice and gonna be taken advantage of 😐”, etc. You get the gist) and his goofy ass just tryna be nice and helpful, cuz this is leon we are talking about. But the fun part ⁉️ they have cameras installed in the hideout they are saying at for security purposes. But ofc, Leon always tries to check on reader to make sure she’s ok - even if she’s an asshole to him. AND YK WHAT READER DOES 😭 she’s way too horny and just goes at it, girl got a masturbation problem on god. Every night. One night - wrong time and place - Leon opens his laptop to see the cameras making sure she’s ok AND HELP HE SEES HER … yk. And he feels guilty like he shouldn’t watch but he does anyways. And this goes on for weeks. Until one night he’s sick and tired of her always being so mean and he accidentally lets it slip that he’s been watching her LOL AND SHES LIKE UHM BOY WHAT 🙄⁉️ and he tries to play it off like “I didnt mean to” but like, my brother in Christ… you’ve been watching every night for weeks 🤨 wdym you didn’t mean to? ANYWAYS LONG STORY SHORT SHE PUNISHES HIM AND HEAVYYYY ON THE FREE USE THING. Love you bae 😘
i made a couple minor changes just for convenience :) fem reader she/her pronouns!
also i didn’t write the smex scene IM SORRY but i have been working on this all day and i need to get to other asks but i promise i’ll write some more free use in the future because it’s so smexy
-
"look, i know you don't like me-"
"oh? really? tell me what you think you know, kennedy," you scowl at him, and though it spooks him just a little, he tries to seem unphased.
he frowns, not hurt by your words but definitely concerned that you'll make a bad partner, "you don't need to be this hostile. we're allies. we're supposed to have each other's backs."
"right..." your voice echos, and leon knows that if it came down to it, you wouldn't protect him, wouldn't save him, would barely help him. he's practically on his own for this mission, just has an extra body with him to shoot at the bad guys.
it hurts, to some degree, because even without knowing you well, and even with you being cold and rude to him, he knows he'd come to your rescue in a heartbeat. something about him feels fond of you, even though in your entire time knowing leon kennedy, you haven't said one nice thing to him.
he thinks that maybe he likes that you've never been nice to him. he doesn't really know what to do with that thought.
-
leon is proved wrong.
despite the harshness of your words, you come to his rescue, fighting off the villager who almost decapitated him with an axe like both of your lives depend on it (because they do).
he watches you fight nervously, but when you come out on top, aside from the gash wound you take to the hip, he feels his heart skip a beat.
"this is what happens when you hurt my partner," you groan, holding your side, trying to speak through the pain even though leon can see the blood seeping between your fingers.
you whisper something in your victim's ear, something leon can't quite make out, before you kill him. leon wonders what it was briefly. he decides it doesn’t matter.
you both breathe a sigh of relief, but it's short lived as you collapse to the ground. you saved him. you got hurt saving him.
"here, let me help you," he mutters, coming over to you, not even stopping to ask if you want his help because he knows you'll say no, "stop fighting me. you're hurt and i need to patch you up."
the pain is agonizing, but even through gritted teeth and tense breaths, you push through it. he has to commend you a little bit, you're tougher than you look.
but when you try to push his hand away, claiming "i'm fine, kennedy," he sees the struggle in your face, hears the hurt in your voice. his heart seems to stop. he's worried, "i can do it myself, you don't have to- fuck, dude, i don't need your help-."
"-just relax, okay? i got you..”
you don't have the strength to push him away, but you know you shouldn't anyway, so you just slouch back against the wall and try to breathe, "fine, just fuckin... hurry up."
"i'm just trying to take care of you. we're partners, right? i gotta look out for you," he smiles, trying to lighten the mood even slightly. he wishes that this would be the time the barriers come down, that those skyscraper walls that prevented him from coming any closer to you emotionally could come crashing down, if only for a moment.
"you don't have to do anything. you're choosing to put yourself in danger to help me," you groan as you lean back, looking up at the ceiling, "suprised that no one's tried to take advantage of your willingness to help before."
"someone did," he mutters annoyedly, focusing more on the wound then it being your wound, on your body. his eyebrows, almost naturally furrowed from years of stress, somehow make his face even more sad to gaze upon. it's not that he's unattractive, far from it, but he's... worn. tired. a piece of your heart, no matter how far you keep away from him, aches in sympathy.
-
leon carries you back to the safe room, a hideout you both are using to rest and recover in while you plot your next move. he lays his jacket on the ground to at least give you something comfortable to lie on. you don't look comfortable, but he can't do anything else to help you.
he looks through his things, trying to concoct something that will at least make you feel a little bit better. he finds a first aid spray, and his heart jumps out of his chest in excitement. he uses it to take care of your wound, and waits for you to wake up from your unconscious state.
he decides to go back out, hoping to maybe find some other things to help you both on your mission. he knows you'll berate him for leaving on his own, risking his own life needlessly. but god if he didn't imagine what it would be like if he found something you could really use, and watch your eyes light up. even if you didn't like him, you'd be happy. he wants to see you smile, to praise him for a job well done.
he cringes at how pathetic it sounds, but he sets off either way, leaving you wrapped in his jacket with a note from him saying what he's doing.
-
he doesn't do it intentionally. at least... not the first time. genuinely, he just wanted to check up on you, make sure you were alive and breathing and safe. and you definitely were.
he doesn't know why its so hypnotizing, why he can't put his goddamn phone away with the stupid security app on it. of course it's you, though. you're hypnotizing.
he watches every pixel, every distorted view of you touching yourself in the safe room, obviously unaware that he could... see this. he's glad there's no audio, or else he'd be unable to control himself, even in an abandoned building surrounded by zombies. maybe its the years that haven hardened him, burned the fear out of his soul and numbed him to the presence of those things, but he doesn't feel anything but uncontrollable desire right now.
have you been doing it the whole time? you both had spilt off from each other multiple times, and he would almost be upset at the idea that every time he was fighting for his life and barely, barely winning that fight each time, you were getting off a couple hundred feet from him in another room... if it wasn't so fucking hot to watch you masturbate.
he keeps watching until he notices that you're having an orgasm, body twitching and your chest heaving up and down as you take deep breathes. it's so fucking sexy, leon probably could have cum on the spot if he watched anymore.
-
you keep doing it. he keeps watching it. over the course of the mission (of course he had to be stuck on a long, secluded recon mission with you of all people) he's watched you too many times. he doesn't think he has enough fingers to count how many times, which either means he's been on this mission longer than he thought or you have a fucking addiction. he's almost kind of impressed at how efficient you are. takes you 10 minutes tops, and then you just get back up and keep on trucking? his sentimental, post-nut ass could never.
and, though you recovered from your wound, you haven't displayed any sense of gratitude for leon taking care of you when you passed out after getting hurt. not that he expects it, truthfully. you saved his life, he saved yours. you were even.
he just doesn't feel like he's broken any new ground. he feels like, if anything, you feel even further away, emotionally. he's about had it.
"hey, we need to talk," he says, ominously; he doesn't intend it to be so, "i understand you don't like me. it's fine. i don't even care anymore. but i am tired of you talking to me like i'm a pushover."
you look over at him, reloading your gun with a displeased look on your face. leon hates the inner urge he has to cave and apologize to you, as if his body would rather give up any sense of dignity he still has in favor of being slightly more tolerable to you.
"well? are you going to say something?"
you scoff, looking away, "didn't know you were so fucking sensitive, kennedy," and you turn around, ready to walk out, before he snaps, "this isn't a pleasure trip. sorry you're not having a good time."
"clearly you're having a good time with all the pleasure you're giving yourself while i'm trying not to die."
he stops. panicking. trying to think of how to spin the words he just said and make it not sound like he knew every tell you had when you were about to cum or exactly how you touch yourself in order to get yourself off quickly.
you stop as well. and you look back at him with this expression on your face that is completely unreadable.
maybe it wasn't the best move to reveal the only card he had left to play if it mean he would get this reaction out of you considering that, again, you so clearly do not like him.
... right?
"what... did you say, kennedy?" you ask, pure venom in your voice. it's not a question, you so clearly heard him correctly.
"i- i'm sorry, i didn't mean to say that-"
"have you been watching me?" you take a step closer, eyes boring into his soul so intensely he can't make eye contact. he has no way out of this situation. he feels out of breath, nervous, god why are you getting so close to him? "answer me, leon," not kennedy, leon, "have you been watching me masturbate?"
he looks up, trying to keep himself from making eye contact. he knows the second he looks into your eyes, he will be putty in your hands, free for you to mold into whatever you'd like. he knows you're not looking at him with distain like usual, it's something else.
something hungry.
"yeah," he breathes, barely getting the world out at all. you take a deep breath, as if you're debating what you're going to do.
"what you did was wrong, you see that, right?"
"yes, i know, but-"
you scoff, annoyed. god why in this moment, just inches away from you, you notice the moles on his neck, the angle of his jaw, the entrancing aura of his eyes. it's so damn distracting, and you have to pull yourself together, "but nothing. you watched me without my consent, you got off on it, didn't you?"
"god, you're making it sound so bad, i... i'm sorry, okay? how can i make it up to you?" he asks, trying so damn hard as always to please.
this is where you come to realize that maybe you didn't hate leon kennedy all this time. maybe you found yourself too comfortable, too at ease in his presence. maybe he was safe and sweet and gentle and it didn't sit right because nothing in a world with zombies and bioweapons and cults and parasites was gentle. but leon is.
you look down, considering your options, "i have an idea. you're free to refuse and we go back to before, and you get nothing from me. do you want to hear it?"
"sure?"
you take a breath, going for it, "i’ll be… blunt. if you couldn’t tell, i’m a bit.. insatiable. i need something to get myself off now that i’m getting bored of my own hands out here. you help me, and i’ll forgive you for watching me.”
his thoughts stop. he genuinely can’t put together a coherent thought, what did you mean? "are you.. are you fucking serious? you barely speak to me, every time you do speak to me you act like i'm the scum of the earth, you act like i'm not here when i saved your ass and carried you and patched you up, i-”
you cut him off with a kiss. it’s not gentle, it’s rough and messy and your fingers dig into the skin of his cheeks, leaving him red and breathless. he finally gets it. you don’t want him to help you, you want to use him.
he lets you push him down, pin his body to the wall as you kiss him breathless. he lets you dig your nails into his neck even if it hurts. he lets you touch and kiss him as rough or as gentle as you like. and you don’t like being gentle, clearly.
“use me,” he whispers between kisses, and when you pull away, eyeing him intently, as if urging him to explain himself, he does, “do whatever you want. just keep going until you’re satisfied. don’t… don’t hold back. whatever pleases you… i want that. i want to please you.”
“awh, you just want me to be happy with you, don’t you?” you coo at him, endeared by his selflessness. truly a good man in a bad world, “that’s all you’ve ever wanted, hm? for me to like you?”
his resolve cracks just a little bit more, “uhm, yeah…” he his voice is shaky, unsteady, and he just needs to give in.
“then you’re going to let me do this every single time in horny and need something to get myself off. i’m going to do whatever i want to you, and i’m not going to ask. you’re just going to let me. if you don’t, then we go right back to being enemies, and you really don’t want that, right?”
he stutters aimlessly, his knees going weak. he’d truly be done for if you weren’t hold him up with a strength he did not know you had.
and you just keep going, “i’m not going to ask or care if it’s a bad time. i want it to be inconvenient, uncomfortable, ill-timed. i want it to be permanently in your head that i can have you whenever i want you. that i can do whatever i want to you.”
“only i get to have you, got it?”
“g-got it,” he mutters weakly, feeling your hands on him, touching him in places he hasn’t been touched in a while. he didn’t realize how desperate he was.
“only i get to touch you, only i… get to fuck you.”
he nods helplessly.
“it’s too bad i didn’t bring a dildo in my bag when we set off for this mission, because i would so fuck you with it until you’re seeing stars and apologizing for going behind my back… but i suppose i’ll just have to satisfy myself with your cock…”
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lunar-years · 11 months
Text
Okay. Let's talk Jamie and Roy getting beers and being idiots.
I know we are all still processing that whirlwind of a finale. I'm understanding that a lot of people hate the Roy & Jamie scene because it is 1) backslide-y (true) 2) they treat Keeley like a prize to be won (true) and 3) it's OOC (I actually disagree with this one, but I can understand why it's complicated). I want to start off by saying I completely see where this opinion is coming from and I respect everyone who just hates the scene because it shows normally kind characters being very unkind to each other etc. This is less me arguing against that as it is me trying to articulate (at great length, sorry) why it not only worked for me, but I genuinely liked it.
I like to think I strike a balance between loving everything the show has done and hating overwhelmingly on a show I claim to enjoy, but sure, you could definitely argue that I'm just giving my favorite characters the benefit of the doubt, or making excuses for them, because they're my favorite characters. I'll admit I'm historically very forgiving of all the main characters' many fuck-ups on Ted Lasso, but that's because I think the show works best when it emphasizes how kindness, forgiveness, friendship and love can still operate between imperfect, flawed people. I like seeing them make realistic mistakes much more than I like everyone handling everything perfectly, I'll bite.
So, back to Jamie and Roy. I enjoyed their finale plot because despite them making a world of mistakes, the regression felt very, very human. I don't agree at all with the take that this somehow erased all the progress they've made this season or the friendship the show has lovingly crafted between them. In fact, I think this actively reiterated it! (Note: I am operating with my ot3 goggles on at all times, so I'm going to write this with that at least partially in mind, but I think the gist of it works even if you ignore the bits that get a little shippy.)
For both Jamie and Roy, Keeley and their love for her is a major beacon guiding them. I think that is the crisp, clear thing in both of their heads this episode: Keeley is the love of my life. And they both believe that wholeheartedly, and they both want to be with her. (and it's goofy to pretend this came out of nowhere for Jamie/since when is Jamie still in love with her/etc. because he literally told her and us this last season and nothing that has happened since has indicated otherwise, btw.) But there's also something else now, which is their relationship with each other, battling with their Keeley thoughts. It's like, in Roy's head, for instance, I imagine there are two wolves: on the one hand he loves Keeley, and wants to be with her, and plans to win back her heart. On the other hand, there's his love and care for Jamie Tartt, which is much less defined and inarticulate and maybe still a little repressed, but just as overpowering. His love for Keeley feels so simple and clear in comparison, while his love for Jamie is something complicated and unsure, and in this episode, he's leaning hard into the first to avoid unpacking the second.
So Roy starts off strong. He sees Jamie with Keeley in the hallway and he doesn't flip out!! Instead, he approaches Jamie calmly, and invites him out for beers. Think about how different this is from his reaction to Jamie's love confession to Keeley in season 2. This is Roy's growth in action, and it's a resounding sign of just how important Jamie is to Roy now. Even when he is feeling jealous of the woman he loves potentially leaving him behind for a man he loves (a completely natural reaction, let's be so real, if not a "good" one), he also knows that for as much as he wants to be with Keeley, he doesn't want to lose his friendship with Jamie.
As for Jamie, I know some people took his reaction and subsequent response to Nate's question as like, shock at the realization that he and Roy are actually friends now, which I agree is something that had to have come earlier in the timeline (what was Mom City if not that) and would seem very out of place at this point. What I saw it as instead was Jamie's brain more just. sort of short-circuiting? Because: holy shit isn't this the best day ever? First Keeley agreed to go to Brazil with me and now Roy is asking me on a date for beers? this is so sound. This invite is out of place behavior from Roy even within the parameters of their friendship, because they still have a match to win and Roy has banned Jamie from beers as part of his training and despite them being close now I find it hard to believe that Roy often comes up to him right there in dressing room to ask him to grab a beer with no pretense.
Therefore, they're already walking into that bar in completely different head-spaces. Jamie isn't planning to discuss Keeley, and for Roy that is his major intention behind the evening. Jamie is nervous and downing his beer, and Roy is internally panicking, I'm imagining, over when and how to bring Keeley up. I think Roy is thinking: Well, I don't intend to stop pursuing Keeley, I genuinely don't want Jamie's feelings to be hurt when I get back together with her (and yes, it is a huge presumption for him to assume Keeley's going to eventually take him back. But I think it's also an understandable one), so I've got to tell Jamie I care about him, and that I'm going to keep going after Keeley, and he needs to be okay with that so that this won't get in the way of our friendship, which I also desperately need and am unwilling to give up. In his mind, Jamie is of course going to accept all of this, because Roy and Keeley are soulmates, which Jamie will clearly recognize deep down because it is so obvious and right and anyway, Jamie always does what Roy tells him to do (again, this is all misguided thinking. But we can see how Roy's anxious little brain that's bad at processing feelings and holding space for emotions could get himself here, can't we?).
So again, we start off strong with Roy saying he's proud of Jamie and them both thanking one another. But then Roy's blurting out nonsense about how Jamie just needs to pull himself out of the running and just let Roy be with Keeley. Which is obviously not on. And Jamie responds, simply, with No. I'd argue this is also a huge step for Jamie. Jamie really doesn't tell Roy no anymore, he doesn't tell anyone no. Jamie has spent so much of his time since coming back to Richmond working to be the person everyone around him wants and expects him to be. This is him fighting for something he wants for once, doing what is best for him. It was a fabulous progression to see. In the moment, boy does it work Roy up, because why is Jamie not agreeing with me, Jamie always agrees with me? but obviously at this point, Jamie is in the right. His relationship with Keeley was no less meaningful than Roy's just because Roy says it was, Roy doesn't have any claim on her, and there's no real reason Jamie should not try and shoot his shot with Keeley if Roy is going to do the same.
Here's where things start to spiral. Established flaws we know about Roy: he's competitive. He's bad at voicing his feelings productively. And he is territorial about the people he loves, a category that safely includes both Jamie and Keeley at this point in time, for better and sometimes worse. Yes, his next actions are grossly possessive over Keeley, yes Roy has made a lot of effort over the past year to do and be better than that, to break free of that cycle. But look, it's not a linear process. He's going to still mess up, and he does here. In fact he's downright mean, weaponizing Keeley against Jamie and throwing having sex with Keeley a month ago into Jamie's face, bragging about it, boasting. Same old cycle, same old patterns of ego-driven, prideful mistakes.
Which promptly prompts Jamie to also fuck up by bringing up the leak. It's a concentrated response intended to get a suitable rise out of Roy, because Roy has really, genuinely hurt him here, and Jamie knows bringing up that video is the one thing that will hurt Roy just as much in turn. It's not the right thing to do, obviously, but again, it's such a human thing to do. Hurt the person who's hurt you right back, even if you're hurting someone else (Keeley) by extension. Mind you, Jamie came here expecting a hangout (/date) with Roy over a rare beer, and instead he got Roy being a complete asshole and lecturing nonsense at him out of seemingly nowhere. He reacts to this change-up, well, not greatly. There is something so messy and emotionally complicated happening here and it hinges on how very much Jamie and Roy care about each other, not negates it.
Keeley, queen that she is, rejects them both out of hand and kicks them out not the curb immediately because they're both being complete idiots, acting like they're so gracious in giving her the honor and privilege of choosing between them. Not to mention they've clearly got something going on between them they haven't worked through and that sure as shit isn't her problem, is it? Keeley (presumably, and I wish we had seen this) calls them out their shit and tosses them right back out the door.
Which leaves Jamie and Roy to lament how they've let their egos get away from them, they've been idiots (which they acknowledge immediately) and decide that now they should go for kebabs, presumably to actually hangout this time, not to interrupt themselves with inflated talk about who "deserves" Keeley more. They both screwed up, they acknowledge it, and all they can do is try again tomorrow, and in the meantime, go on that kebab date.
I guess....I can just see where both of them are coming from? it's not mature behavior, obviously, it's maybe not what we would have liked to have seen from them in the finale episode of the show. But it was regression that I didn't feel impeded their overall progress. Roy in particular was being a complete dick about it, but that's why the very next morning he's finally knocking on the Diamond Dogs' door. And honestly, that conversation was heartbreaking. When Roy admitted he'd expected, after a year of putting in the work, to be a whole new person...god. This is a man who still completely hates himself, to the point where he can't quite grasp that he can be better where he's at now, that he doesn't have to transform magically into someone new in order to do right by himself and others. And so he has to consciously determine, once again, to do better, be better.
The message is: change isn't linear, you're going to fuck-up, and fall back into old patterns. What matters is trying every day to do better together, and be better for one another, than you were the day before. That is the meeting point all three sides of the royjamiekeeley triangle were heading towards by the end of the episode.
So yes, it was rushed, because no one gets much screen time in a finale (and the overarching issue with this season anyway is god awful pacing. The last three episodes could've easily been the second half of the season, while the first half of the season was stretched out and largely extraneous). And yes, I would've liked a more thoughtful follow-up conversation between Roy and Keeley or all three of them. My biggest issue was that we didn't get to hear Keeley's voice hardly at all. I would at the very least have liked to have seen her setting them straight at her kitchen table, because turning both of them down signifies very important growth in her, too, and I would've liked exploring that more explicitly. So it wasn't perfect. But I still liked it, I really did.
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csuitebitches · 1 year
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How To Build the Woman You Want to Be - 2
Please go through the first part before doing this. It’s imperative that you understand the basics.
Step Five:
We will use Pinterest to visualise your new life so that you can attain it faster. Create a new board “My Story” and start sourcing the following:
* 3 pictures of your ideal hair
* 3 pictures of your ideal body
* 5 pictures of ideal physical accessories (bags, shoes, nails, jewellery, sunglasses… whatever resonates with you)
* 5 ideal outfits you want to own (casual, underwear, red carpet, brunch, pyjamas)
* 3 ideal hobby pictures (ballet? Horses riding? Reading?
* 5 ideal life pictures (meditating, working out, attending events, getting make up/hair professionally done…. Your ideal lifestyle!)
* 5 free time pictures (how you and your friends would hang out; how you and your S/O would hang out; family, pets…)
* 7 ideal home pictures (what’s your aesthetic - minimal/ Woodsy, what would the bathrooms look like, house or apartment…)
* 3 work life pictures (if you want to work - where would you work, what position, etc)
* 5 pictures of your ideal partner (how they would look, where they would work, dress, etc)
* 3 pictures of how you would relax alone (go for a walk with your pet? Massages? Read alone? You get the gist)
* 7 pictures of your ideal vacation
* 4 pictures of your ideal meals (breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner)
This is your visual diary. Whenever you feel down, not motivated, lazy, go through this board. This board visualises the best version of you. This is your best self (not was, or will be - this is your best self).
If you can print everything out and stick it on your wall - even better. Nothing like seeing exactly who you’re going to be everyday and claiming it!
Step 6:
It’s analysis time. This is probably going to be the most time-consuming part of the work that you have, but also the the first actual building block towards your Ideal Woman.
- Take a look at your New Story.
- As you read it, make a note (maybe write it on a piece of paper) of all the qualities that you see. Written them as keywords as bullet points. Qualities include all things belonging to your ideal personality (respected, kind, decisive…) and ideal skill set (strategic, creative….).
Ex:
• respected
• kind
• strategic
- Then read the story again and start making a separate note (with bullet points and keywords) about your material life (body type, healthy lifestyle, being clean, attending events, brunches, travelling, your hobbies…)
Ex:
• Toned body
• Clean space
• Reading
- Now read your two lists again. Put a tick mark next to the ones you think are realistic but attainable in at least 3 months. Put a heart next to the ones you feel will take more time and levelling up.
Ex:
Qualities:
• respected ❤️
• kind ✔️
• strategic✔️
Material:
• toned body ✔️
• clean space ❤️
• reading ✔️
• attending events ✔️
- The tick marked list is the list you will start working on immediately. Choose any 2 qualities and 3 material life from the tick marked list. We won’t work on all of them at once because you need to build that habit.
Ex:
• Kind
• Strategic
• Toned body
• Reading
• attending events
- For the next 3 months, you will actively work on your 5 to-dos. With your material life - let’s say for example, a certain body type - start working out from tomorrow itself. I don’t care whether it’s YouTube workouts or gym, you’re going to work on that first step. Or if it’s things like attending events - start by attending events and conferences in your industry or what interests you. Look up online for events happening in your city and go for at least one a month. Everything begins with baby steps.
- With your qualities, let’s say you want to be a good conversationalist. Start researching on the tactics of being a good conversationalist. Also search the opposite - how to recognise a bad conversationalist. Read articles, books, journals and scholarly articles. Practice on strangers when you go grocery shopping or at work. You need to put in the work.
- Not only will you work on your 5 to-dos, but you will set monthly goals for them. You will note down everything - in a journal or your notes app or maybe by taking pictures, however you feel comfortable- you need to quantify your progress.
Ex:
This Month’s Goals:
• Kind - tell my friends that I love them and that they deserve all the love
• Strategic - play brain games like chess to improve myself - play at least 2 times a week online
• toned body- work out for 20 days this month
• attending events - go to 2 conferences this month that are happening in my city or online
• Reading - finish one book this month.
- Every month you will check yourself. Only when you’ve accomplished at least 85% of the tasks will you add a new item from the tick marked list or remove an existing item that you finished.
- Every three months you need to go back to the New Story and your Pinterest board with greater detail. How close are you to your goal? If you think you’ve achieved something, give yourself a pat on the back!
The last and final part of this series will be uploaded after two days.
Part 3
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skz317cb97 · 1 year
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The Haze
Jisung x Thick female reader
Word count: 4.6K
Synopsis: You call your friend Jisung and ask him to smoke with you after having a terrible week.
A/N: 18+ ONLY! A little idiots to lovers for you all! We're already half way through another thick reader series! How? Thank you all for always being so supportive of this series and my writing in general. If you enjoy this one please reblog, like, comment, jump in my asks, your feedback fuels me! As always warnings and smut below the cut!
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Warnings: 18+ ONLY MDNI! Casual drug use/pot smoking (it centers around it quite a bit), cursing/strong language, pet names (gorgeous, pretty etc), dry humping, protected piv sex, choking/breath play, oral (m receiving), cum eating/cum shot, masterbation/guided masturbation (m&f), slight Jisung dom/MC sub dynamic. I think that's all but if I ever miss anything please let me know and I'll add it asap!
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You were not a stoner. You weren’t even a social pot smoker but every now and then, after a particularly bad week, you would call your friend Jisung and ask him to get you stoned. Not that he was a pothead either but he always had something set back in case of a party or, like today, you needing to unwind. This week your boyfriend broke up with you in the most heinous way and you cried in the bathroom at work at least once a day. You needed to turn your brain off for a minute, you needed to get high, you called Jisung.  
“Heyyy!! What’s up gorgeous!” Was what you heard when he answered. Jisung was sweet, he always called you little nick names like that and it made you smile. You were bigger and a little self-conscious about it and Jisung always seemed to know when you needed a compliment. It made you smile this time too but only momentarily and then you sighed. 
“Hey Ji...” He could hear how down you sounded. 
“What’s wrong?” He was concerned immediately. You sighed again trying to fight off tears while also trying not to think about every horrible thing your ex had said to you. 
“Can I come over and smoke with you?” His heart broke a little. You sounded really upset and he knew you only smoked when life had been too rough to handle. 
“That bad?”  
“I... I can explain everything when I get there.” You sighed again.  
“No no you don’t have to explain anything to me beautiful. Of course you can come over and smoke, I’ll unlock the front door and just walk in when you get here okay?” 
“Okay Ji, thanks.” You could hear his smile in his voice. 
“Really it’s nothing. I’ll see you soon, bye!” You hung up with Jisung and tossed on some comfy clothes, a pair of sweats, a cropped band t shirt, zip up hoodie and slides then you hopped in your car and drove to Jisung’s place. When you got there you let yourself in and Jisung was sitting on the couch in his living room watching anime. When he saw that you had walked in he paused it. 
“Hey you made it!” He got up and gave you a hug squeezing your soft body with his strong arms. Jisung was always warm, you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders and when you rested your head on one, he held on to you understanding that you needed a little skinship. Jisung was one of your best friends and he was affectionate and sweet, he rubbed your back up and down, holding you for a moment. 
“You wanna talk about it.” You shook your head and nuzzled into his warmth a little more. 
“Not really...but... TLDR Chase broke up with me. He said he felt that I was ‘letting myself go already’ and that ‘we should see other people’, which I assume means he already has been. He said other things but that was the gist of it.” You got a little choked up at the end and Jisung squeezed you tighter. 
“I haven’t even gained any weight...” You said softly fighting tears, embarrassed and upset that the body you already weren’t confident in was the reason your ex gave you for leaving. 
“Fuck that guy, you look great, and so what if you had gained weight. Shit like that doesn’t matter if you love someone.” You nodded quietly against Jisung’s shoulder 
“He’s fucking idiot...and... and a verb!” You giggled a little. 
“A verb? Sungie what are you talking about?” 
“Chase, it’s a verb. Who wants to date a verb and not even a very good one. I can think of a hundred other verbs that are so much better than Chase.” Jisung finally managed to get a genuine laugh out of you. 
“We should smoke and forget about that dick head. What do you say?” You nodded as your laughter died down to a chuckle and Jisung could feel you smiling against his shoulder. Good, he thought. He loved your smile. He let go and offered you a seat. 
“Here sit there, it’s warm I was just sitting there.” You giggled and sat down in his spot. Jisung sat next to you and pulled out a joint. 
“I took the liberty and prepared this on your way over.” You didn’t think you’d ever been so ready to smoke and just relax, slow down. 
“I could kiss you! I’m so glad you have that ready.” Jisung puckered up and made a cute kissy face at you, leaning in pointing at them. 
“Well come on then ppoppo!” You laughed pushing at his firm pecks to stop him. 
“Light that you goofball.” He gave you his big toothy smile and pulled out his lighter, flicking it and lighting the joint. He inhaled then passed it to you and you took a drag. You unzipped your hoodie and sat back. Jisung couldn’t help but notice how good you looked, that crop top showing a flash of your bra underneath. What was that Chase guy even thinking? Jisung thought your body was perfect, ideal even. He’d flirted with you for years but you always shot him down so he assumed you only wanted to be friends.  
In your defense it wasn’t like you were trying to shoot him down, you just thought he was being nice when he said the things he said. You didn’t think someone like Jisung would go for.... well a big girl like you but when Jisung called you gorgeous it’s because he thought you were gorgeous. Even sitting there now on his sofa, wearing sweats and a t-shirt, just regular lounge wear but you were beautiful. You sat up and passed the joint back to Jisung. 
“Got any new playlists?” Jisung inhaled again and held it, nodding his head then blowing out the smoke. 
“Yea actually, here take this...” He passed the joint back to you and ran to get his laptop. Jisung’s job was in the music industry, so he always had the inside scoop on the new stuff coming out. You and Jisung finished smoking the joint while you listened to the first few songs of his new playlist. You were starting to feel better, calmer. Your head was the fun kind of fuzzy and the muscles of your body felt so relaxed. Then you heard the beginning of a song that you actually knew. 
“Oh my god I love this song.” Jisung was more than a little surprised. It was pretty new and not the type of music he thought you listened to. He’d forgotten it was even on the playlist. 
“Really?! You know this song?! Are you sure?” You were feeling good now. You jumped up took off your hoodie and threw it on the couch. 
“YES!” You started to dance and sing along as the lyrics began. 
“Don’t look at me like that, ohh unless you really like that, you know my body I don’t have time to waste oh no...” To say that Jisung was utterly shocked would still be an understatement. One. You could actually flow. Two, he’d never pegged you for a raunchy bump and grind r&b type and three, you had started to move your full body to the beat as you went on reciting the lyrics perfectly while he struggled to breathe. 
“If I seduce you bae, will you come take the bait? Is you gon’ do that thing, that makes me wanna say, got me like ooh...” You rolled your soft body along and Jisung’s mouth was dry, he wasn’t sure if it was from the weed or you. 
“She wanna ride me while she smoke weed, she said keep your chains on while you choke me...” Jisung was trying to be a good friend and not get a boner at the sight of you moving your curvy body and singing such provocative things, that line about choking definitely not helping, he was only a man, flesh and blood and your ass was swaying eye level. He watched hypnotized until the song ended and he snapped out of it as you slunk back down on the couch with a smile. 
“I think that would be so much fun to try...” You said not really thinking. Your filter had kind of gone out the window as soon as you jumped up and started dancing. Jisung’s eyes shot over to you laying back on the couch. 
“What? What would?” You looked over at him and saw the way he was looking at you wide eyed. You sat up straighter realizing what you’d just admitted out loud and you started to feel a little self-conscious. You pulled your zip up hoodie back on covering yourself. 
“Nothing never mind forg-” You just wanted to drop it before you made a complete ass of yourself. 
“What would y/n?” Jisung wasn’t dropping it. Not if you were saying what he thought you were saying. 
“I... well... you know have sex and smoke weed at the same time. My body is always buzzing after I smoke so I can only imagine it would heighten the experience.” Jisung’s dick was definitely hard now. He fidgeted in his seat trying to make sure it wasn’t obvious. 
“And... you’d like to try that some time, with... uh someone?” Jisung swallowed hard, his Adams apple bobbing and you nodded shyly. You couldn’t believe you were telling Jisung this. The two of you never talked about sex or preferences or anything like that before, so this was all new territory and you were a little embarrassed. You weren’t sure exactly why he even was asking you this. When you looked at him again, Jisung looked as nervous as you and then cleared his throat. 
“Uh.... would you... I mean... would you... want... to... do that with me?” Your jaw dropped. Was he... did he... hold on. 
“Jisung... I’m sure it would be a lot of fun...” He was already feeling the sting of rejection and like an absolute ass for suggesting it. You’d always ignored his other advances, why would you suddenly want to fuck him just because of some lyrics? 
“I really like you Ji... a lot... more than I probably should... more than a friend. I just don’t think I’m in the right head space to handle casual sex right now, not after the things Chase said and especially not... well not with a guy I have deeper feelings for.” Wait a minute, feelings? Deeper? 
“You have feelings for me?!” You hesitated. Your mouth was betraying you left and right. You started biting your lip but you had already admitted it so you nodded. Jisung couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 
“y/n I flirt with you all the time! You always shy away. I thought you didn’t like me!” Now you couldn’t believe your ears. 
“I thought you were just being sweet!” Jisung shook his head trying to get it on straight. 
“y/n I’m crazy about you and if we ever did anything it would be anything but casual for me.” Your brain was lagging from the weed and you were struggling to keep up with what Jisung was saying. Your filter was still not working also. 
“Why would someone as beautiful as you want to be with someone that looks like me?!” Your ex’s words still echoed in your head and came flying out of your mouth. Jisung’s face scrunched up and he turned his whole body towards you, sitting on one of his legs, letting the other dangle off the couch. 
“First off don’t say things like that. y/n not that it really matters, because you are kind, funny, and smart as fuck, and that’s enough but you’re also the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on.” You shook your head and looked down at your hands in your lap feeling underserving of such feelings from such a beautiful man inside and out. 
“Jisun-” You stopped talking when he tilted your chin to look at him in the eyes. His big sparkling brown eyes. 
“Can I kiss you?” He asked as his eyes flicked down looking at your lips, his hands sliding your zip up hoodie off again. 
“Y-yes...” He pressed his lips against yours, then pulled away and looked at you. You were flushed, hot, he pressed his lips to yours again more forcefully and this time your hands rested against his jaw and neck and his cupped your face. He pecked your lips over and over again then his lips parted and his teeth nibbled and his tongue invaded your mouth, forcing a breathy moan from you. Jisung’s arms wrapped around your squishy midsection and pulled you over onto his lap as he sat with his back against the couch again, one juicy thick thigh on each side of him. You pulled away from the kiss to protest. 
“No no Ji I’m too heavy...” He grabbed hand fulls of your big ass and made you sit down on his lap completely. 
“There’s no weight limit on this ride beautiful so sit down.” You’d never heard him say anything like that before, it made you flush with arousal.  
“Ji!” He smirked and you did what he said. The moment you sat down you could feel Jisung’s hard on pushing against your clothed core. He pulled you down into another make out session as you gently moved across his lap. Both of you were still buzzing from the joint you’d smoked so you were enjoying kissing, groping, grinding. Jisung started to drag his lips down your neck, nipping and licking. 
“You’re so cute in this little crop top...” His hands traveled up it and squeezed your full breasts over your sports bra, then pulled it down freeing them. Your nipples were already hard from how worked up you were getting dry humping Jisung. He started sucking on your nipples, gently biting every now and then as you rode his clothed erection. You were a little breathless and Jisung loved the soft pants coming from you while you tugged on his hair with both hands. 
“J-Ji I’m g-gonna...” He hummed sweetly at you then let go of the nipple he was sucking on. 
“It’s okay, it’s okay, cum, I want you to cum.” You held on to Jisung’s strong broad shoulders and rode him faster until you reached your peak. Jisung pulled you down into another kiss swallowing any moans coming from you as you wrapped your arms around him tightly and rode out your orgasm against his cock. You sat there for a moment to collect yourself and Jisung waited, giving you a minute, his hands gently holding your wide hips. Once you had firmly landed back on earth Jisung nuzzled his nose against yours. 
“You know you make the prettiest little faces, it's so cute when you scrunch up your nose and cum on top of me like that.” You were blushing and out of breath, you buried your face in his neck, hiding. 
“Jiiiiii...” He giggled. 
“So shy, cute. I saw how your body moved to that song, how those words affected you.”Jisung lifted your crop top off and then removed your sports bra. You sat on top of him naked from the waist up, every curve of your body intoxicating to him, your big soft tits right in his face, begging to be sucked on again but he controlled himself... for now. Jisung took his own shirt off and your mouth watered. His muscular broad shoulders, his pumped-up pecs and toned biceps. He was firm but still soft somehow, his skin smooth and warm. 
“Can I take your pants off?” Jisung asked toying with the waist band of your sweatpants. You nodded. 
“Stand up for me gorgeous.” You got up off Jisung’s lap and he drug your pants down to your ankles. You stepped out of them and he tossed them aside. You stood there and the only thing stopping Jisung from burying his face in your pussy was little cotton boy shorts with pink hearts. He stood up in front of you making you take a step back. 
“How are you so damn cute!?” One of his hands gently wrapped around your neck, his thumb softy caressing the side. 
“Do you have any idea what that does to me?” He leaned in closer and you shook your head no. 
“Makes me want to teach you how to do the dirtiest things to me, teach my sweet girl how to be bad for me. Would you like that pretty?” His hand let up off your neck and you ran your hands across Jisung’s chest and shoulders, feeling his soft skin under your fingertips. 
“Y-yes Sungie.” He cooed at you. 
“There’s my good girl.” Jisung dropped his own pants and underwear and stood in front of you, his cock firm and long. You bit your lips, it looked delicious. He cupped your face and softly pressed his lips against yours. 
“You wait right here okay? I’ll be right back! Lose the undies!” Jisung winked at you and dashed off, his cute bare ass disappearing down the hall and you giggled, taking off your panties as told. When he came back he had a condom and sat down on the couch like he had been only a few moments before only now completely naked. He patted his lap. 
“Come on now princess, sit on your throne.” You laughed shaking your head at him but climbed onto his lap again. Jisung ripped open the condom and rolled it down his cock, then held it up for you to sit on. 
“Go on jagiya show me how you take my dick.” The tip slipped into your wet hole and squeezed Jisung making him moan. 
“Ooh fuck so tight...” You slowly slid down his shaft taking more and more of him until your juicy cunt was resting on Jisung’s lap. You both sat there for a moment enjoying the feeling of Jisung, hard and full inside you. Jisung’s hands were on your hips, steadying you. He went to grab something from behind his ear and that’s when you realized he’d grabbed another joint when he’d gotten the condom. He smirked at you as he lit it. 
“Do you wanna ride me while you smoke weed?” You pushed him and giggled at his use of the lyrics but Jisung felt you clench too. He turned the joint around getting ready to put the end burning in his mouth. 
“Come on then, lean down here gorgeous...” He put the joint in his mouth backwards and you leaned down, his cock sliding inside you, your lips almost touching as you puckered yours around the other end of the joint, allowing Jisung to blow you a big shotgun. You braced yourself against Jisung’s shoulders and held it in before breathing out, your head getting that immediate hazy feeling, your body already buzzing. Jisung took the joint out of his mouth, flipped it and hit it before setting it aside. Then both of his hands were holding onto your thick hips again as he looked into your glassy eyes and smiled that big cheesy grin of his. 
“How you feeling pretty?” You held onto his shoulders, rolled your hips a little and let out a soft moan. 
“Sooo good Jisungie.” Jisung had to choke back a moan himself feeling you grind your hips against him with his cock deep inside you. 
 “Fuck, you feel good wrapped around me too. Go on ride me jagi.” You started riding Jisung as he set the pace with his hands on your hips. 
“Oh my god! Ji!” It felt so intense. Like someone took the dial on pleasure and turned it way up. One of his hands came up and his fingers wrapped around your throat gently as you continued bouncing on his cock, your big ass jiggling each time you sat on him. He gave your neck a gentle squeeze and you let out another little moan. 
“Does this make you uncomfortable?” You shook your head, the feeling of his hand around your throat was sending electricity throughout your body as you anticipated what was next. 
“N-no Jisung, it’s okay.” He nodded and added just a little pressure. 
“What if I wanted to squeeze harder?” Jisung could feel your arousal coating him. 
“You like that huh? God you’re so wet.” You nodded biting your lip. 
“Y-yes Sungie.” He squeezed just enough, not enough to restrict air but enough to add to the buzz in your head the weed had provided. 
“Good girl, keep riding me now, don’t slow down.” His other hand let go of your hip and then both of his hands were around your neck, again, not enough to prevent you breathing just enough to make your cunt throb around Jisung’s cock as you continued bouncing on it. He pulled you down by your neck face to face with him and kissed you. It was insane how tender it was in comparison. There you were riding Jisung’s dick like you were president of the porn star’s union, both his hands wrapped around your throat and he kissed you like he might break you. Jisung let go of your neck and wrapped his arms around your full body then flipped you so your back was on the couch and he was hovering over you. He lined up with your gushing plump pussy and pushed into you again. He rolled his hips and his cock hit every mind numbing spot inside you. 
“Yes! Oh fuck! Ji right there!” He rolled his hips again, harder, faster. It was like every few minutes that pleasure dial was getting turned up higher and higher. You were about to scream Jisung’s name as he hit your g spot again. 
“Ji-” His hand clamped down over your mouth as he kept fucking you, his hips thrusting into you. Your breasts jiggled when he started fucking you harder and you moaned into the hand over your mouth muffling your screams. 
“Shhhshhhshh, keep it down now jagi I’m not even fucking you hard yet.” Jisung whispered as if someone would hear him, he kissed the back his hand that was planted over your mouth firmly and gave you the most mischievous look before he started absolutely railing you. He slammed into you, rolling his hips, knowing exactly what he was doing to you because his hand clamped harder down on your mouth as you screamed for Jisung, your eyes rolling back as you came so hard the stars you saw were full on constellations.  
Jisung’s hand came up off your mouth so you could get a full breath of air as you rode the wave of ecstasy he set you on. The wave he prolonged as he continued thrusting into you slower but deep. Jisung pinched your chin between two fingers and made you look at him. He was starting to sweat, the veins on his neck becoming more prominent. He leaned forward caging you between his muscular arms and continued slowly rolling his hips as you held on to his shoulders. He kissed down your jaw and neck then hovered by your ear. 
“Pretty?” You hummed your eyes closed, your whole body felt like it was filled with bumble bees between the weed and the orgasm. 
“Can I cum in your mouth?” You nodded and Jisung looked at you to confirm. 
“Yea?” You opened your eyes, kind of, and smiled at him nodding again. 
“Yea Sungie. You can.” He was having a hard time figuring out just how you managed to look so cute all stoned and fucked out on his couch. He gave up trying and took off the condom then helped you sit up. 
“Here jagiya, use this pillow and get on your knees.” You put the pillow down then knelt on it. Leave it to Jisung, sweet even when he asks you to get on your knees for him. Jisung’s dick was in his hand, holding it out for you to wrap your lips around. You started gently sucking on the head of his cock and Jisung let out a soft moan. It sounded so sweet you wanted to hear more so you took more of his cock into your mouth. 
“F-fuck gorgeous, feels so good. Can you take a little more?” You looked up at him with his cock in your mouth, you hummed and nodded. Jisung had died and gone to heaven it’s the only way that cute face was stuffed with his cock and looking up at him. You let his tip hit the back of your throat and it gagged you. You pulled off and spit trailed from your lips to Jisung’s dick that he still held steady for you. You took him into your mouth again until he bottomed out in the back of your throat gagging you again. Jisung moaning louder as you deep throated his cock a wet squelch coming from your throat every time his tip hit the back. 
“Oh... oh fuck I’m gonna cum jagiya... I’m gon-” Jisung’s warm seed started filling your mouth, you tried to swallow fast enough but there was so much it dribbled down your chin a little. Jisung pulled out and you wiped your mouth. He made you stand and he kissed you his tongue sliding into your mouth quickly. He was worked up still, hot, already half hard again and he’d just blew a big load of cum into your mouth. 
“Bet that cunt is so wet from sucking my cock. Is it beautiful? Are you dripping?” He wasn’t wrong you were wet from blowing him mainly those moans and the soft panting.  
“Get up on the couch there, spread those thick thighs and show me that juicy pussy.” You did as you were told, your legs spread wide. 
“Spread those pussy lips too gorgeous... wanna see you tease your clit.” You started rubbing your clit softly and Jisung sat across the couch from you watching, stroking his cock. 
“That’s it two fingers... real slow, circle it.” You did as directed and Jisung kept tugging on his dick. 
“You want to watch me cum on myself while you play with your pussy?” You nodded. 
“Y-yes Ji wanna see you cum.” He hummed and focused stroking the head and twisting his wrist. 
“Spit on your fingers rub it around... fuck yes like that... now stick them inside your hole... fffffuck yes...” Jisung was jacking off fast and started tugging on his balls gently. 
“There you go jagi fuck yourself with your finger, don’t forget your clit gorgeous, use that other hand and play with it.” You started rubbing your clit with one hand as you pumped your fingers inside you with the other. Jisung was sweating, panting, blushing, he looked like he was ready to blow any time. 
“FFFFUcck! Cum for me pretty want to see you cum on your fingers, wanna see that cute scrunched up face you make when you cream for me.” You focused on rubbing your clit until you were coming and clenching around your fingers. 
“Ji Ji Ji Ji Ji...” Was all you chanted as he watched your hole contract around your fingers, your juices dripping from you. Jisung let out a strangled moan as he jerked his cock and came on himself the sight of it almost enough to make you cum again. You crawled across the couch between Jisung’s legs as he stroked his dick slowly. You leaned over and started licking his abs, slurping and savoring the cum from his perfect body until he was clean again. Jisung pulled you on top of him and you both laid there basking in your high from the sex and the weed. He huffed out a big breath wiping sweat off his forehead and looking down at you. 
“Feel better?” You giggled and nodded against his chest nuzzling in closer. 
“Yea Sungie, I’m better now.” He smiled and rested his head back on the arm of the couch, squeezing you and letting out another heavy breath. 
“Fucking... now THAT’S a verb!”  
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nisuna · 3 months
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Hiii, Helloooo. I'm back :^)
I've made a separate post about how much this idea means to me, and I hope I did it justice. This is like my baby, one of the very first scenarios I've ever thought of. Something that motivated me to start writing in the first place and made me want to share my writing at all, so yeaaahh, please be gentle♡. I've made a detailed post about it, so feel free to check that one out here.
The gist of it is: It all happened one evening when your best friend came to pick you up from a party for the first time, being tipsy and sexually frustrated one thing led to another and you slept together and from then on it kind of became your guys' thing
You refuse to call him by his first name, but he'd really like you to. Even worse, you even add -san to his last name whenever you're tipsy
Oh, and no kissing, bcs that's too intimate am I right ha ha
What's the worst that could happen this time?
he miiiighhtt make you call him by his first name and maybe just maybe you do finally kiss???! who knows hahaaa
Without further ado Fwb!Suguru x f!reader, let's gooooo
<3masterlist<3
~2,4k words~ Strictly 18+ MDNI
TW: fwb!suguru x f!reader, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, cream pie, marking, biting, hickeys, multiple positions, get fucked stupid, first times, teasing, dirty talk, tit sucking, nipple play, multiple rounds, leg humping, so much happening did I miss anything?? lmk xoxo
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He never understood why you liked going out to the most shabby and stuffed clubs. It reeked of alcohol and smoke mixed with all kinds of bodily fluids. As he was making his way through the dancing crowd of sweaty people grinding against each other, he finally found you sitting at the bar while some guy was leaning in your direction way too close for comfort.
He had his usual fit, hair half up with a black over sized sweater and loose black joggers. Making him look so huge that if there were any guys bothering you, they would leave you alone as soon as they saw him.
"Yo~ y/n", he touched your exposed shoulder and gave you his signature eye smile, before staring down the guy next to you that was trying to get in your pants or in this context in ypur skimpy little dress. The guys' annoyed look turned into a worried one after seeing who he was up against.
"Aahhh Geto-saannn you're here early" you mused, leaning against his hard chest. That damn honorific, he cursed but still managed to squeeze out a smile.
"Haha "-san", so you aren't her boyfriend then." the stranger snarled but soon gave up as Suguru raised an eyebrow at him and snapped a "watch it". "Alright, alright, I give up", he put his hands up in defeat. "Maybe next time, sweetcheeks."
As soon as the guy left, Suguru took both of your hands in his and knelt down in front of you. "Y/n we've talked about this. If you don't want to call me Suguru, at least drop the honorific. We've known each other for years now, don't you think it's about time. Also, don't you think it's weird when you call the guy you fuck by his last name, hm?" He turned his head looking at you expectedly.
"But Geto-saaaan-"
"Ah ah, what did I just tell you"
"Okay, okay, Geto" you huffed, "You know I'm not comfortable with that", you whined, squeezing his hands.
"I just want to hear you say it at least once. Say it and I'll fuck you real good tonight.", he smirked.
You considered it, after a hard week you really needed a good fuck. "Sugu-", is all you could manage before snapping your head away, "Nope can't do it."
He let his head drop with a loud sigh. "It's alright, I was just pushing my luck. C'mon, let's get you out of here." And with that, he rose back to his full height, grabbed your hand, and pulled you from the bar stool. While making your way through the crowd and to his car, your thoughts kept wandering.
Suguru... that's such a pretty name.
The car ride was mostly quiet, but as soon as you stepped inside his apartment, you were shoved against the closest wall and found yourself underneath him soon after.
"What's up with you today? If you keep squeezing me that hard, you might actually snap my dick off.", he chuckled. He's way too cocky. You have to do something about that.
"Have I ever told you how annoying you can be. If you don't stop talking, I think I might have to shut that mouth of yours up myself.", you whispered, putting your hands on his cheeks and pulling his face close so that it was right in front of yours.
His usually narrow eyes were blown wide open, his hips stopped moving and you became uncomfortably aware how close you two were right now. So, instead of the kiss he was so desperately awaiting, you opted for blowing on his lips and hugging him close.
"Just kidding.", you hid yourself deeper in the crook of his neck. However, when there was no remark coming from him, you pulled away to look at his blank face.
"Sorry I didn't-"
"You're really cruel, you know that", you felt goosebumps rise as he whispered against your neck. "It's payback time."
Before you could react, he pulled out, latched his mouth onto your neck and began sucking.
"Wait, ah- you're gonna leave a mark.", in a futile attempt, you raised your hands to try and push him away, only to have your hands pinned next to your head.
"If I can't have your lips, I'll take everything else.", he pulled away to take a look at you. "Tell me if you're uncomfortable."
Nod.
In between licks from your neck down to your breasts, he encouraged you to touch yourself. "Want you to cum from me playing with your nipples.", he smiled, oh so sweetly, while rolling the hardened nubs between his fingers.
Cheeky bastard, but you would lie if you said that he wasn't pushing all the right buttons right now. So your hand made its way down between your legs while you rubbed yourself in sync with his twisting and sucking.
"What happened? You're awfully quiet? Cat got your tongue?" and before you could snap back at him, he dared to smirk and pulled on your nipples making you moan.
"Fuck, stop teasing.", you whined.
"Say my name and I'll make you cum myself" he whispered after pulling himself off of you with an obnoxious pop. "What do you say? Good deal right?", he mused while kissing the skin between your breasts up your neck and to your ear. His hot breath kept hitting you as you arched your back off the bed, but to no surprise you remained silent.
"So stubborn for no reason", he shook his head in disappointment. "Then you better work for it yourself."
He really made you work for it. You always came so quickly when it was his fingers rubbing your clit, when it was his long and thick finger dipping into your dripping heat from time to time. Once you go Geto you never go back huh. Your fingers just didn't cut it anymore, so it took a lot of sucking and encouragement from him for you to tip over the edge with a silent scream of his last name.
He kissed your sensitive skin through it as you desperately clung onto him.
"Good job.", he grinned with a kiss to your cheek.
"Shut up.."
"Aww, don't be like that, c'mere", he mused, pulling you onto his lap. You let yourself fall forward against his sweaty chest as you tried to catch your breath. In your delirious state, you kept nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck, giving him a few cheeky bites, smoothing the area over with your tongue afterwards.
When you deemed him marked up enough, you pressed your forehead against his. As you were staring into each other, you mumbled, "Now we're matching."
"How cute. You're so kind, thanks."
You basked in eachothers warm embraces, breathing in each other until your hips grew impatient and started to grind against him.
'Someone's in a hurry, huh?", he quirked an eyebrow at you. You shrugged and whispered into his ear. "Gotta take care of you, too."
He expected you to go slow, but to his surprise you took a hold of his cock and slammed your hips way down meeting him in an instant.
"Whoa slow down you're gonna hurt yourself ah-" he looked at you in disbelief, "Is it okay? Does it hurt?"
You took a few deep breaths before continuing with overflowing confidence, "No, it feels really good. I can feel you all the way up here", you smiled, leaning back and tracing your fingers from your pubic bone to just over your belly button.
"Fuck, you can't just say those things out of the blue" he mumbled sitting up, finally starting to pound into you from below.
"That's what did it, huh?" you chuckled, arching your back and clawing at his shoulders. "How naïve, men are so simple." you kept that thought to yourself, tho.
As he kept bouncing you up and down you felt yourself go stupid on his cock. Each thrust was hitting your sweet spot just right and the stretch was to die for. You couldn't keep your voice down.
It didn't help in the slightest that he was playing with your breasts all throughout his mean thrusts. You went especially crazy when he fondled the fat of your ass and spanked the reddening flesh in between thrusts. As he felt himself get close he snuck a hand between your bodies to rub your throbbing clit. Your mewls and loud moans, slowly but surely pushed him over the edge.
He had to hold down your squirming hips as your breath hitched with the intensity of your orgasm and with how deep you were feeling him right now. He pulled you off of him and hugged you close, trying to calm you down.
"Shh, I got you, calm down you did so good", with a kiss to the top of your hair, you felt yourself relax. But that relaxation didn't last long, as you started to desperately grind against his leg. With your ass rubbing against his cock so perfectly he just couldn't help himself.
"Fuck, I'm hard again.", he admitted matter-of-factly.
"Then keep going. Give it to me until I pass out."
"Shit, you little minx." he cursed in his head but eventually gave in.
"Y/n?"
"Hmm?"
"Turn around for me."
You reluctantly got off his lap and got ready, face down ass up.
He really wanted to take you like this, but curiosity got the best of him.
"Fuck that" he thought as he flipped you and pulled your back flush against his chest, sitting down. After hooking his hands under your knees, he he picked up his pace as his hungry mouth ravaged your already sensitive neck.
"Feel good, yeah?", was the last thing you heard before he wrapped his huge hand around your neck.
Your mind went fuzzy as his hand was skillfully restricting your airflow from time to time. Which is exactly why you didn't register the next few words that tumbled from your mouth.
"Kiss me."
You made him stop dead in his tracks.
"What did you just say?", he had to make sure he heard you right.
Your hand was already at his nape, pulling him close.
"Kiss me..."
"Kiss me...", he gulped, "Who?", he was pushing his luck, and his heart rate picked up, afraid he might've pushed you too far. But the gamble paid off as he heard the words leave your mouth, that he had been waiting to hear from the moment he set his eyes on you.
"Kiss me, Suguru."
He wasted no time as he grabbed your jaw and smashed his lips against yours. It was so messy, so so nasty, teeth clashing against each other, but it was everything he could've ever wished for. He was on cloud nine. It was embarrassing how excited he got from just kissing you, but he couldn't care less at this moment. Your mouth fell open as you felt him spill inside of you. His tongue dipped into your awaiting mouth, while he fucked you through his second high.
He had to catch his breath while holding your limp form. He was sure you needed a break but when he tried to pull you off of his sensitive cock you stopped him. "Wait", you mumbled against his lips. "Don't pull out. Keep fucking me. Hurry up." How could he say no to you, even if he felt like he was about to die from overstimulation, he couldn't possibly deny you.
Which is how you ended up on your side, leg held up by his strong arm as he pounded into you from behind. Your sweet moans had him riled up impossibly more as his hips went to town on your pliable body. Even in this position, his eager mouth never left yours. The fat of your tummy and thighs kept jiggling so deliciously with each thrust that he just couldn't get enough of you. He soon felt you tighten around him and knew you were close, so he spurred you on.
"You feel so good like this, god you're so tight. Shit. About to cum?"
"Yeah, feels so good."
"Who makes you feel this good?"
"You do, Suguru. I love this so much. My god I'm gonna cum again."
"Yeah, yeah good, cum on my cock."
With a few delicate swipes of your fingers over your nub, your back arched as you came all over him. And he was there to swallow all of your moans with his greedy mouth.
When the heat of the moment subsided, you were a huffing and puffing mess. He held you close throughout and rubbed your lower back reassuringly.
After a while you were the first to break the silence.
"Holy shit, best sex we've had so far."
"Can't agree more.", he kissed your lips and continued. " Sooo, I assume you won't be calling me Geto anymore, right?"
You turned your head avoiding eye contact, but he stopped you, squishing your cheeks to look at him and raising an eyebrow. " Riiight, y/n? What's my name from now on? C'mon, don't break my heart."
"Suguruuuu....", you trailed off, but before he could celebrate, you quickly added, "-san.."
"Aah, so close", he chuckled, disappointment evident in his voice. "But it's a good start, so I'll take it.", he said truthfully, squeezing you tight. It was a huge step for your relationship. He was incredibly happy. He will make you drop the honorific no matter what. Now that he's got a taste, he will never let you go. Heck, he might even ask you out now that you're on a first name basis.
But he won't rush things. He's more than content with the current development of your relationship. You've come a long way, and only time will tell what it'll evolve into. The only thing he cares about right now is making you call his name over and over again, in one way or another. Life is good.
-----
I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing this 🙆🏻‍♀️❤️ Please let me know your thoughts. See ya next time<3
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"Probably one of my biggest writing-related takeaways of 2023 was the brain science behind being overwhelmed by writing. So often, we put so much pressure on ourselves to meet goals, and get so frustrated with ourselves when we fail, that we end up making writing time something that fills us with anxiety. So our brains perceive that activity as a threat, which makes us want to avoid it."
I'd love to learn more about this cause it's my biggest problem when it comes to writing. The avoidance of the task, but it also manifests also as feeling overwhelmed by writing a long story/novel.
Some Brain Science Behind Avoidance
I encountered this idea of fear-based avoidance in a few workshops and summits over the past year, but I have to give a shout out to author/coach Monica Hay whose "Overcome Writer's Resistance Bootcamp" explained it the best. I can't find my notes so I'm going from memory here, but the gist of it was that our brains are hard-wired to avoid things that make us feel fearful or uneasy. This is an evolutionary throwback to when those instinctual feelings helped us steer clear from danger. As I remember Monica putting it, "Don't go that way, there are cheetahs there that will eat us."
So... how does this apply to avoidance of writing?
When we heap unreasonable goals and deadlines on ourselves, and berate ourselves for falling short of them, we inadvertently turn writing into a stressful activity. So, when we sit down to write, our brain picks up on that stress and says, "Don't go that way, cheetahs will eat us," and your gut instinct tells you to avoid this stressful activity at all cost. And then it becomes kind of a vicious cycle because you feel even worse because you're avoiding writing, and that makes you feel more overwhelmed and makes writing more stressful, and well... you can see the problem.
The solution? De-stress the writing process for yourself as much as you can. Start by de-stressing yourself when you sit down to write... take a relaxing walk first, do some yoga or a meditation exercise, or try some grounding techniques. See if you can do some things to make your writing environment more relaxing and inviting. Put on some soft lighting and relaxing music, use your favorite method to lightly scent the air, grab your favorite drink and snack. Then, just try to move the needle forward in any way you can.
My suggestions: try editing a sentence. Maybe see if you can add a paragraph or two. Don't think about deadlines or word count or what others are doing. Just focus on adding something to the page, even if it's changing a word or adding a sentence. Don't push yourself. Congratulate yourself on whatever progress you made. Ultimately, if you do this every day, the stress should start to melt away and writing becomes an activity that your brain no longer tells you to avoid.
Another suggestion: try to avoid setting arbitrary deadlines, or if you have to set a deadline, take a look at your schedule/calendar and be really honest about how much time you actually have to write. Because so often what happens is we say, "I want to finish this 80k word draft in eight weeks..." but the reality is we're not going to write all 56 of those days. In fact, when we take an honest look...
-3 days per week for days with both class and work = 32 days -5 days for a cruise next month = 27 days -1 day for bestie's birthday celebration = 26 days -Sundays because that's hiking day = 18 days Suddenly, that eight weeks is actually only 18 days... and that's not even taking account things that come up unexpectedly. But, let's say you do get to write all 18 days, and let's say you know you can commit three hours a day to writing but you'll probably take two ten-minute brakes... so 48 hours worth of writing. But here's the problem: you know on a good hour, you're probably only going to write 1200 words. And guess what: 1200 words per hour over 48 hours is only 57,600 words... far short of your 80k goal... and that's assuming you get to write all 18 days and hit 1200 words every hour you write. In other words... you've set yourself an impossible deadline, and when you fall short of it without understanding why, you're going to be disappointed in yourself. And that's why it's so, so important to be honest about the time you have and how much you can reasonably accomplish within that time. Also: just don't be hard on yourself. It will never make you write faster, more, or better.
I hope you can use this to overcome your own resistance to writing! ♥
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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!
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dustykneed · 4 months
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for context: star trek into darkness (specifically, my take on the implications of bones doing what he had to do and the emotional fallout of those missing scenes) (not that ive seen it!! but ive read enough fic to know the gist of it LMAO) (can you believe this started as an impulse draw to see if i could use pastels to convey heavy emotions and now im writing a very very long headcanon in my notes app.)
...
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Leonard goes and he plays god, and injects Jim with that godforsaken blood, and then there is nothing left to do but wait.
He sinks into the chair at his desk, and steeples his fingers together. It occurs to him that these circumstances are the sort that would drive any religious man to bow his head and clasp his hands together, like so, and pray.
--but he is a doctor, and he has never been religious, and he has a duty to do, and he has broken his oath, and there is blood on his hands and flecking his shirt.
Leonard sits very still at his desk and weeps, and he does not pray.
...
sorry to all of y'all who had to find out i was an angst goblin this way <///3 but basically the hc/rough fic is an extension of the angst potential of that one scene where jim wakes up and fixates on spock (and his lack of response towards bones is never addressed afterwards i think? not sure but it's an interesting premise imo)
brief summary: bones never gets closure from jim after he wakes up because jim and spock get together immediately after and it just slips their minds, so bones is stuck in "oh god jim's dying" mode and feels absolutely terrible, but the bridge crew helps a bit by being there for him to hang out with, but still bones does overwork while trying to work through the sense of wrongness of not being able to have his emotional needs met after the whole jim dying fiasco and feeling like his best friend has forgotten him. he admittedly makes good progress (by which i mean he's able to take really big overwhelming feelings and put them away well enough in his daily life to function relatively normally) but the crushing grief is always in the background. about a month or so after spirk gets together, spock accidentally brushes bones' arm and is absolutely slammed by a wave of unexpected exhaustion and emotional pain and is like ??????!!!????????? long story short he drags bones to jim and bones cries for the first time since jim "died" and it is immensely cathartic and then jim blurts out a confession because he has horrible timing and asks bones to join him and spock and obviously bones cries harder and spock is about to smack jim upside the head lmao (bones says its way too much to process and he needs time but hes not exactly opposed, and they all start spending more time together, and then eventually bones is like fuck it and asks for a kiss and they finally get together !!!!!!)
as a treat for reading all of my mildly insane word vomit y'all get a soft bittersweet aos mcspirk scribble<33
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gotta love aos jim's majestic eyebrows and aos spock's general sort of >:[ expression!! really growin on me tbh
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lizzaneia-elizalde · 6 months
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Male Yandere Husband x Pregnant Female Stepford Wife Reader
(I don’t think you’ve done anything like this yet? So if not, think you can try?)
I want him to be a master manipulator, but really delusional in a loving/devoted sense. Believing that what he’s doing is for our best interest, as well as the baby’s. That includes confining us at home, always being with us 24/7 when we’re outside our home, etc. And generally getting us to be 100% dependent on him, (like we already weren’t heavily dependent on him before…)
Thank you!!! 💝
Yandere! Husband! Politician x Pregnant! Fem! Stepford! Wife! Reader
SORRY IT TOOK ME LONG TO GET THIS REQUEST DONE!
I got busy with University that I only got to write right now. I'm so tired lol
Journalism is... Something...
I had a hard time incorporating the yandere stuff with such a willing reader, but I tried LOL.
This one's only got two sections, since the both of you are married already, so it went straight to the yandere-ness.
But here ya go! Requests will be back on once more!
BTW, the master list is up now! It's my pinned post.
Yandere! Politician name: Maximus
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Maximus.
Just like his name, he was the greatest Politician out there. Whatever that means.
He's charming, intuitive, generous, kind, and compassionate.
Every election season, if you ask people who will they vote as a mayor or whatever position Maximus ran as, they'll say
"Isn't it obvious? Of course it's Maximus!"
So it didn't faze the people that he won whenever he ran.
As young as he is, he's always been active in the political sphere. From the student council, he's always been in the highest positions out there. Secretary, Vice President, and President.
Hell, if you ask him to do treasury, then he'll gladly accept and do it much better than the current treasurer or auditor. No specks, no crumbs, a clean liquidation sheet.
And when he graduated as the University president, local parties flocked towards him to invite him in their political party.
So many choices for the great Maximus.
After many days of researching and finding out the dirt, secrets, strengths, and weaknesses of each political party, he chose a party suited for the straight laced man.
That, and that you were there.
You were the unlisted assistant of your father, who was running as vice mayor, and is finding a mayor to be with.
This was perfect.
Maximus has always liked you.
Scratch that.
He always loved you.
You were the daughter of a well known governor inside your city. Pristine, shy, quiet, and always had a smile in your face, everyone back in school liked you. You were the epitome of etiquette and manners. If parents want somebody to compare to their child to belittle them, it would be you, little miss perfect.
Both of you live in a small city, almost a town size. So everyone knew each other, and you both lived in the same district.
it's just that he didn't fly under your radar from how busy he is.
Unlike your father, you never joined politics. You just sat there, studied, did some small knitting projects or sewing. Maybe even drawing if you felt like it.
At first, Maximus didn't really pay you any attention, until he heard your conversation with your friends.
"What? Seriously?"
"I am serious." Your melodious laugh echoed through the empty halls. It was already 5pm, and only a handful of students are left.
"But... That's so traditional lol."
"I know, but really. I just want to stay at home, serve my husband, take care of our kids... You know, the gist."
"But, you said you'll do Social work, Home eco, or culinary in Uni. So what's up with that?"
You just smiled at your friends until they said "oh..." in understanding.
Those courses can help develop your home rearing skills.
"I mean, sure. If you're happy with that." One of your friends finally broke the silence, followed by "meh's..." "eh..." and grunts of approval.
"Thank you for accepting for who I am." You smiled once more at them and they gave you an understanding grin.
Then and there, Maximus became curious about you.
Maximus also had a traditional way of thinking. Not all women, but his wife should just be staying pretty in his home, while taking care of their children...
He knew that only a small percentage of people would be open to that notion, and he was fine with it.
It did made him feel lonely sometimes. He's always dreamt of a domestic life, but the woman is always a faceless grey glob. He just can't see somebody in his life who would be willing to be like that.
So when he heard your conversation, that night in his dreams, he woke up sweating and confused when the faceless glob greeted him. But rather than the glob, it was you. Smiling with two children who looked like the exact perfect mix of the both of you.
"What the fuck..." He breathed out of his mouth, shaking his head.
Now, every night, his dreams were infiltrated with you.
And that started in highschool, all throughout University, up until you both graduated.
Your paths never crossed once more, since he's in AP classes most of the time, both of you were on different blocks in senior highschool despite having the same strand, and he chose Political Science in University while you did BS in Home Economics. But he always peeled his eyes for you. Dismissal, lunch, even breaks.
His friends teased him for having such a long time crush, and he just laughed and waved his hand.
And when the both of you graduated, he's about to confess his feelings when he saw you talking with a man, with eyes so wide and filled with adoration.
He felt his heart break.
He was numb, standing there and looking at you interact with the man who was smiling down at you with a ruffle on your hair.
He felt irrationally jealous.
Wait, him? Jealous?
He never felt jealous.
Did he?
He doesn't know anymore.
All he could see is you holding a bouquet of lilies and smelling it while the man hugged you.
He wants to rip the man limb from limb, desecrate his body, and feed it to the alligators.
Why is he wrapping his arms around you like that? He never heard you getting a boyfriend?
And he has a lot of connections to know.
Then he scoffed, like a breath of fresh air rushing into his lungs.
He needed a break.
When did he act like this? When did he become so...
He doesn't even know what it's called.
He's always been a good man. One that doesn't know anger, jealousy, possessiveness...
But what's this? Feelings that stirred inside him threatened to spill out.
So he ran away before it would get worse.
Years later, seeing your name in that certain partylist, he knew he had to join it. Just for a one sided closure he needed.
"Hello! You're Y/N right? You went to the same... School as me!" Maximus said, leaning his upper body to meet your face. His face soft, gentle, and mellow.
"O-oh! Hello sir Maximus! I knew we did, but I didn't know you knew me..." You shyly answered, your thumb brushing against the back of your other hand.
Maximus gulped.
He didn't realize how much he is missing you.
His eyes scanned towards your desk and his eyes widened a bit when he saw the man once more with you in a photo, but this time, with your father and mother.
So, with his trembling lips from the sudden hope bubbling inside him, he pointed.
"Is that your family?" He whispered and you nodded with a soft smile of adoration.
"Yes. I love them a lot." You said, caressing the photo. "That's my dad, mom, and my big brother."
"Oh! That's amazing. It's rare to see a tight knit family nowadays. I mean, families falling left and right, can't people just communicate and--" Maximus rambled, not even caring if the things he's saying is insensitive. He was just so happy that he actually has a chance to woo you.
"Is that so? I mean, my family had fallouts, and sometimes communication is not enough. Actions speak louder than words, of course." You said, carrying the conversation further.
Maximus grinned before taking a seat beside you and talking about deep, familial stuff. With him sprinkling hints of him being a traditional man.
You didn't miss the hints, evident from the blush forming on your cheeks and the shyness emanating from your words faltering.
And he found it adorable.
Once you both ran out of things to debate, he held your hand gently.
"Hey, y/n, what do you think about going on a date with me?"
The rest is history.
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"Darling, I'm home!" Maximus yelled once he got inside the mansion. "Today was a bit of a mess..."
Maximus heard an excited gasp and shuffling before he saw you waddling towards him, with a 7 month pregnant belly.
"Welcome home, darling." You greeted him with the smile he loves.
You took off his coat and hung it on the rack, before guiding him towards the kitchen.
"I helped cook today! The dinner for this night is lamb ch... Maximus?"
Maximus has a frown on his face, looking at you with such a disapproving look.
"Darling, why are you working in the kitchen?" He gently asked, caressing your belly. "You're pregnant, you need to rest always!"
You shrunk down a bit, sad.
"But I want to serve you again..."
Maximus' eyes softened at your words before giving you a loving kiss on your forehead.
"I know, darling. But that's what the chefs are for right? The servants too. I hired them to take care of you. Of us." He said, guiding you to the couch and gently sitting you down. "I don't want you getting tired. You're already being burdened by being pregnant and nurturing our child."
You nodded, easily swayed by his words.
"I know... Give me a kiss?" You asked, tilting your head up. He chuckled and gave you a soft peck.
"There. Now stay there, alright? We'll be eating here in the living room. You're already walking too much." Maximus said before hugging you and going to the kitchen.
Once he got to the kitchen, he grabbed a knife and threw it at the chef that was already cowering in the corner.
"Why did you let Y/N work?" He growled out, his eyes sharp, deadly, and authoritative.
Ever since you got married to Maximus, his protectiveness shot through the roof. He doesn't like it when he doesn't know where you are, he doesn't know when he doesn't know what you are doing, he doesn't like it if you talked to people he doesn't know personally.
He installed cameras, mics, and planted people around you that he knew he can scare into submission.
Especially now you're pregnant, he's making sure you always stayed beside him.
When did he become so twisted, from the nice, generous, and kind politician, to something like... Him?
"S-sir, the madam insisted on cooking for you!" The chef trembled out.
You were a rare type of woman who was so open to just being at home, and be the wife he needed to see every time he goes home.
He can't let you go.
Ever.
Maximus sneered and bit his nail, eyes sharp with thoughts.
"I need to drill in more thoughts into her pretty head..." Maximus grumbled.
You were already so willing just being inside the mansion, and so open to his manipulation that you weren't aware of.
He told you that you don't need to go out, that the world was a scary place for a wife like you. And that whenever you go out, you needed to be by his side.
He's already working so hard serving the city, and serving you is a bonus, and a privilege.
He's so occupied with taking care of the place both of you growing up, yet had the time, love, affection, and care to single you out and shower you with his attention. Why would you need to do anything other than serving him as his wife? That's blasphemy, and selfish.
He drilled that in your mind.
And you were so accepting of the fact too.
"If she insisted on helping in the kitchen once more, tell her 'what would sir think?', okay?" He spat out at the poor chef before suddenly smiling. "Don't tell anybody this, or else your family gets it."
He walked away with a triumphant smile and grabbed the food from the counter.
He walked towards you, and saw you scratching your cheek softly confused and scared, almost.
"What's wrong, darling?" Maximus asked, worry etched on his face as he sat down beside you.
"Oh, uh, I just..." You gave him your phone, which was ringing with the number of the exclusive nursery room designer he hired. "C-can you talk to him? I don't know what to do..."
Maximus shivered, seeing you so dependent on him.
Clueless on what to do, on what to say.
He smiled before taking the call for you, with his hand holding yours.
You didn't even start eating yet, waiting for his words to start.
His cute little wife can't even eat by herself.
How... perfect.
This was his perfect life.
With the perfect wife.
And he'll be damned if he didn't protect this.
If he didn't protect you.
So just be swayed with his words and put yourself in his palm.
He will make sure you are well taken care of, and that your pretty little brain will not hurt from thinking too much.
That's a promise.
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