#non epileptic seizures
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People with physical health issues, what do you think about making a group of us, to support each other? We could also make some representation to spread awareness about our illnesses! Just tell me where you'll be comfortable to chat! And also, there's no matter which diagnosis you have, because we'll represent every physical health issues!
#physical health#physically ill#physically disabled#physical disability#like physically#physically and mentally#chronically ill#chronic fatigue#chronic pain#chronic illness#chronic health issues#chronic issues#chronic injury#movement disorder#parkinson's disease#pansy parkinson#norman parkinson#huntingtonsdisease#epileptic problems#non epileptic seizures#actually epileptic#epilepsy#health issues#high blood pressure#blood pressure#awareness#representation#discord chat#icd10#icd 11
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Seizure types
When someone says the word seizure we typically think of someone shaking on the floor unconscious, but there’s actually a lot more to seizures! They’re different for everyone but here are my most common types and how they look on me and (kind of) how to help during certain types of seizures
Absence seizure: An absence seizure is a lapse in consciousness that can last anywhere from 30 seconds to 5 minutes. I’m completely unaware of my surroundings and unable to respond, but I’ll just look like I’m staring off into space. There’s not much you can do to help besides stay with me and make sure nothing bad happens while I’m ‘gone’.
Atonic seizure: An atonic or drop seizure is a brief loss of muscle tone that looks exactly like it sounds, I just drop. Mostly it’s head drops but sometimes my whole body will give out. These usually only last a couple seconds so no need to help much, but be aware that atonic seizures can often be warning signs of a larger seizure.
Partial seizure: During a partial seizure I’m really out of it and unaware of my surroundings. I may still be able to respond to you or walk around but I’m not myself in these moments. The main thing you’d need to do to help is try to keep me in one place and away from anything dangerous. Do not let me wander off as I’m not really conscious and don’t know what I’m doing, which could end with me getting hurt.
Grand mal seizure: These are the types of seizures most people will think about when they hear the word. Grand mal or tonic-clonic seizures are the violent ones that involve convulsions, shaking, muscle stiffness, etc. follow basic seizure first aid for this type of seizure.
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informational comic abt my main disability, PNES! I've found that little to no one I talk to knows abt non epileptic seizures, so I brought together some information that I would've really liked to see before I was diagnosed.
IMPORTANT EDITS:
- conversion disorder is now known as functional neurological disorder and my comparison was oversimplification. FND is very real, and has its own unique struggles. PNES is closely linked to it in awareness and communities.
- not all PNES episodes are caused by emotional stress. we still don’t know exactly why that is for each person.
- the cause is HEAVILY debated. I just chose the prevailing theory at the time of writing the comic that seems to make the most sense.
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So, a few years ago I started developing random, uncontrollable muscle jerks and spasms, and they've been getting increasingly more frequently. Usually they're small and unnoticeable, like a sudden jerk in the knee or hand, but sometimes they're more severe and disruptive, like the one time I had a muscle jerk in my arm while cracking eggs for breakfast and accidentally slammed the egg into my thigh and made a huge mess.
Anyway, last year I went to a neurologist (only because my uro-gynecologist referred me, to this day she's been the only doctor to take me seriously), and he gave me an MRI and an EEG. As part of the EEG, he triggered a photosensitive seizure. It was horribly painful and uncomfortable, and my mom, who was in the room with me for the support, saw it too. But afterwards, he said he didn't pick up any abnormal electric activities on the machine, and so I didn't have a seizure and he dismissed me and told me all my problems were psychological, and refused to run more tests.
So the other day I mentioned this to my uncle, who is a neurologist who actually has a neurological disorder, and he was like "oh yeah you did have a seizure, not all seizures are epileptic." Like? Nobody told me this?? I've been having seizures this whole time and no doctor ever told me that there's such a thing as non-epileptic seizures???
I obvious don't have a diagnosis yet but god I've been told I was crazy by so many doctors and to hear that I'm actually not y'know imagining my very real physical symptoms......
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guess i learned the hard way that repressing my plurality for literal years can end up causing PNES. so here's your warning not to repress dissociative disorders. or plurality in general since I'm not saying this can't happen to non-dissociative systems.
#julian rants#plurality#pnes#dissociative attacks#dissociative#dissociative system#cdd#complex dissociative disorder#dissociative identity disorder#osdd#didosdd#non epileptic seizures#actually dissociative#endo safe#pluralgang#plural system#actually plural#plural#dissociation
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Y'all ever go awhile without having a seizure which make you pretty proud of yourself and then suddenly you get this feeling and you're like . . . oh no
#i am feeling oh no in this chillies tonight#i'm not actually in chillies#and it's not night#but i am eating chillie and it's mid afternoon so#pnes#psychogenic non epileptic seizures#non epileptic seizures#seizures#seizure disorder#chronic disorder#disability#chronic disability
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Battle Cries hits different when you have a chronic illness
#the amazing devil#chronic illness#chronic pain#joey batey#madeleine hyland#battle cries#the horror and the wild#fibromyalgia#ehlers danlos syndrome#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#psoriatic arthritis#non epileptic seizures#tourettes#my new chronic illness anthem#chronic illness warrior#i could write a whole essay on this
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Dissociative Seizures
Educational post. Trigger warnings: Medical equipment and description of seizure.
Written by Tom and Blade.
Why will we cover this?
Although dissociative seizures are not exclusive for those with dissociative disorders. Some people with dissociative disorders will have seizures.
A dissociative seizure is named differently in different parts of the world.
I will be referring to them as dissociative seizures or Non-epileptic attack disorder (NEAD).
However, may also be seen as a one of the many symptoms/types of Functional neurological disorders (FND) its matching term in the ICD-11 is Dissociative neurological symptom disorder. And this post will focus specifically on only the non epileptic seizures.
It is also known as Psychogenic non-epileptic seizures (PNES), Non-epileptic seizures, and Psychogenic seizures.
If you have known these as "pseudo seizures", it is asked that this is no longer a term that should be used because the name suggests that the seizures are not real or faked by the individual having them or cannot have an ever lasting impact.
What causes a dissociative seizure?
Unlike epileptic seizures they are not caused by abnormal electrical activity in the brain.
A person can get triggered by sensations, thoughts, emotions and difficult situations. Memories of painful events can suddenly come into thoughts or awareness or a build up of stress can happen in a moment. The dissociative seizure can happen as a way to cut off stress or bad memories so that they are not relieved. This can cause a person to start to dissociate. This is when they will feel disconnected from the world around them or make it seem like the world is not real. The brain will "shut down" to protect itself from overwhelming stress. The seizure then happens because the emotional reaction of the person becomes physical. It is known that extreme emotional distress can cause illnesses and disorders such as non epileptic seizures.
Some people who have dissociative seizures have them caused by traumatic events. For some they may happen after the event or for others they could start years later. They may start to happen suddenly with no apparent reason at the moment. However, in some people they can be caused by the build up of stress overtime.
When seizures start they can be triggered by stressful or frightening events, even the worry of having a seizure can trigger one. They could also occur spontaneously in non stressful events. Patients may not be able to understand why seizures happen as for some it is hard to recognise the level of stress they are feeling.
What do dissociative seizures look like?
Dissociative seizures can look different from person to person.
You could have episodes of uncontrolled movements, sensations or behaviour. Some dissociative seizures may look more like epileptic seizures or may look more like fainting. Someone may have palpitations, sweat, hyperventilate and have a dry mouth. Someone may fall on the ground or have jerking and shaking movements either on one side or the whole body. A person may lose control of their bladder or bowels and may also bite their tongue. Some people may go unresponsive to people around them and may stare and go blank.
Having seizures caused by a delayed response to a traumatic event may be a part of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). In these seizures a person may have flashbacks, scream or cry and they may not remember the seizure afterwards.
Diagnosis of dissociative seizures.
A specialist will have many ways to tell whether the seizures are epileptic or not. The doctor may be able to tell from detailed descriptions of the seizures or a video of one happening. However, a doctor may ask someone to have an electroencephalogram (EEG) to determine whether electrical changes occur within the person's brain during a seizure. It may also be suggested for a person to have a video-telemetry. This could be done as an inpatient in a hospital or at home. A person will wear EEG equipment for a few days and is linked to a camera. This means that during a seizure the EEG and a video of it happening can be taken at the same time.
Brain scans such as Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) or Computed Tomography Scan (CT) scans may also be done to rule out any neurological cause for these seizures.
Treatment for dissociative seizures.
Patients may also be asked to see a psychiatrist or psychologist. They can offer Treatment such as psychotherapy, stress-reduction (such as relaxation and biofeedback training), and personal support to help you cope with their seizures.
Talking therapy is useful to understand if there are triggers for the seizures and ways to manage these triggers in daily life. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is often recommended.
Medication will not help treat non epileptic seizures so they will only be suggested if the patient also has epileptic seizures. Taking medication for non epileptic seizures can cause side effects and do not benefit the person.
It is recommended to keep a normal daily routine. And to make sure that their family and friends are aware and understand. This will mean they will likely be able to help the person in a seizure and prevent harm.
First aid for dissociative seizures (Outsider's perspective):
DO:
- Make sure the person is safe. This can include moving objects away from them. If the person is lying on the floor, put a cushion/something soft under their head.
- Speak Calmly and in a reassuring way to the person
- Non epileptic seizures do not cause damage to the brain no matter how long it happens BUT if you are not sure if it is a dissociative seizure and lasts more than 5 minutes an ambulance must be called. If it is epileptic then a seizure longer than 5 minutes can damage the brain. (Again important to note this is advice given by the NHS of the UK)
- Stay with the person until they have recovered
DO NOT:
- Do not restrain the person. This can cause injury and make the seizure worse.
- Do not put anything in the person's mouth
- Do not attempt to give medication
Self-help tips:
- Write down how you are feeling
- Continue to live normally and not become over cautious. This can help to speed up recovery. It is important to talk to your employer about these seizures and make clear your colleagues know what to do as well.
- Eat and Sleep well
- Build up self confidence
- Green exercise is a great way to boost your mood by being outside even if it is for a short while. Going for a walk outside.
- Fitness programmes can be found online and most can be done from your home
- Remaining positive
The sources we have used for this information also have more information on disability rights and benefits for those with dissociative seizures. And on driving regulations. However, these are only applicable to the UK.
Resources we have used to create this article:
Epilepsy Society: https://epilepsysociety.org.uk/about-epilepsy/what-epilepsy/non-epileptic-seizures
Epilepsy Action: https://www.epilepsy.org.uk/info/seizures/dissociative-seizures-non-epileptic-attack-disorder-nead
Sheffield Teaching Hospital document: https://www.sth.nhs.uk/clientfiles/File/pd3922_NonEpilepticSeizures.pdf
Non-Epileptic Attacks: https://sites.google.com/sheffield.ac.uk/non-epileptic-attacks/home.
Further information:
People's experiences:
Documentary film https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MA1EYAg9y5k. Photosensitive Epilepsy Trigger Warning at (9:14 - 9:30 ) and at (45:25 - 46:18)
Websites for more information:
NeuroKid: https://www.neurokid.co.uk/ - This is a website for children and young people with dissociative seizures but also has information for parents of these children. The website is also available in French at https://www.neurokid.co.uk/fr/.
Non-Epileptic Attacks: https://sites.google.com/sheffield.ac.uk/non-epileptic-attacks/home. A page written by professionals. They have more resources and go into more detail about the self help we have addressed.
FNH Hope UK: https://www.fndhope.org.uk/about-fnd-hope/fnd-hope-uk/. Has fundraising challenges across the UK. They also have online classes such as dance, painting, mindful meditation and yoga.
Charities:
FND Action: https://www.fndhope.org.uk/about-fnd-hope/fnd-hope-uk/. They can provide ID cards for those in the UK struggling with dissociative seizures.
Brain Charity: https://www.thebraincharity.org.uk/condition/non-epileptic-attack-disorder/. Provides Emotional support and social support for those in the UK and has a helpline.
Trigger warnings: Medical equipment and description of seizure. Educational post.
#dissociative identity disorder#dissociative system#dissociation#actually dissociative#non epileptic seizures#functional neurological disorder#dissociative disorder#disability#psychogenic non epileptic seizures#did system#actually did#endos dni#complex dissociative disorder#ossdid#other specified dissociative disorder#partial dissociative identity disorder#partial did#did osdd#osdd#fnd#fnd awareness#actually system
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hope this helps
inspired by this post on writing amputees
and this post by @sunnycycle and @snazzzyazzzy
#reference#dissociative seizures#non epileptic seizures#psychogenic non epileptic seizures#writing characters
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hi people with seizures both epileptic and non epileptic. I hope you are having a good day with manageable symptoms.
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"Seize The Day"
A short poem by put system member Atlas about seizures, specifically our seizure disorder, PNES
I can feel the tingle,
It crawls up my fingers.
It goes up the tips,
And there it lingers.
As it spreads up my arms,
And down ny spine,
It claim the muscles,
That I thought to be mine.
The world starts to spin,
It gets hard to breathe.
My joints, they lock up,
And my knees, they freeze.
I'll stand and I'll stare,
And your hand I'll squeeze.
But it's hard staying calm,
When your body is seized.
I'll go limp in your arms,
As my muscles twitch.
My brain sings a song,
My ears hear the pitch.
My body will shake,
As it lies on the floor.
It will tremble and quiver,
As I wonder "what for?"
Life is exhausting,
And also a bore,
When even with your body,
You're always at war.
As the nurse turns the corner,
I wish for nothing more,
Than to be free from this nightmare,
Which I can no longer ignore.
They lift me into the wheelchair,
They will roll me away,
And I'll sit here thinking.
I'll sit here and pray.
I'll wish maybe, after all,
There will be some, any way
For me to not take literally the phrase,
"Seize The Day"
#pnes#fnd#Phycogenic non epileptic seizures#ffunctional neurological disorder#seizure disorder#non epileptic seizures#seizure#seizures#poems on tumblr#original poem#poems and poetry#poem#writing#original work#original writing
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Fellow Epileptics & seizure havers, What's the most ignorant/ableist thing people have said to you?
Some of mine are:
A secretary at my doctors office saying "Sit down your appointment is soon, would you like some water?" when I went to them in a panic to say I feel like I'm about to have a seizure.
2 different nurses dismissing my memory issues because "everyone forgets things" or because I could remember what I was wearing that week, I was "obviously fine" (I wear the same thing 90% of the time)
Being sent a troll link that traps you on a flashing site and when I told them that could have harmed me because I have photosensitive epilepsy, they laughed.
I can't remember if there were anything else but those are the biggest experiences that upset me.
Let me know your experiences, it doesn't have to be anything big. I just want everyone to know they're not alone with being treated wrong 💚
I'm trying hard to spread awareness so these experiences can stop happening because you know It's bad when people in the medical field are as ignorant as the general public..
Also people with non-epileptic seizures, you're included too!!
bonus thing that annoys me: I've been trying to see a neurologist for months now over my seizures changing and concerns about my brain but having no luck. I'm tired of having to keep poking my doctor for a referral...
#actually epileptic#actually disabled#epilepsy awareness#disabled#epilepsy community#seizures#ableism#question#epilepsy#epileptic problems#epileptic#non epileptic seizures#disability pride month#spread awareness#stop ignorance#Xem Post
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Seizure first-aid
Seizure activity and warning signs can look like: Facial twitching, Eye rolling, Myoclonic jerks (these can look like tics but aren’t), Slowed movement or reflexes, Slurred speech, Multiple clusters of smaller seizures(atonic, partial, or absences), Seeming ‘out of it’ or unresponsive, Dilated pupils
If someone near you starts to have a seizure:
1- Time the seizure and have soemone call emergency services(this varies, see below for more info)
2- Stay calm and don’t panic. People are not always unconscious during a seizure and when you freak out it can make the person panic as well, which doesn’t help the situation.
3- If able to, move them to the floor laying on their side(do not try to do this if convulsions are severe) and protect their head with a cushion, jacket, etc. so they’re not hitting it on the floor or anything around.
4- Remove anything from the area that they could hit or bump into, like tables or chairs. Also remove anything that could be a safety hazard such as glasses or tight jewelry/clothes around the neck.
5- Stay with the person until they’re fully conscious and functioning again and make sure they’re okay. Offer things like a snack, water, comfort item, etc if possible(only do this if they can handle it, don’t try to give them food if they’re still out of it and at risk of choking for example).
DO NOT hold the person down or try to stop their convulsions. DO NOT put anything in or near their mouth- it doesn’t help and can be an extreme choking hazard. DO NOT splash them with water, yell at them, or do anything else in an attempt to stop the seizure. It’s not possible and you just have to wait it out
WHEN TO CALL EMERGENCY SERVICES:
If this is a complete stranger it’s always best to be safe and have someone call(unless you find a medical ID stating otherwise). If the person seizing is a friend or someone you know has seizures regularly then there’s usually no need for emergency services(however, ALWAYS ASK the person themselves). If the person has been seizing for 3-5+ minutes non-stop, their lips are blue, they’re choking, or anything else out of the ordinary CALL EMERGENCY SERVICES IMMEDIATELY
Keep in mind that every person is different and they may want/need different things, so make sure to check with friends or people who you know may have a seizure while they’re with you.
#seizures#seizure disorder#seizure first aid#epilepsy#epileptic seizures#non epileptic seizures#seizure safety
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Family Isn't Always Fair
Matildas age: 14 years old
Tw: Seizures, Hospitals, Family Arguing, Yelling, Mentions of shots
Summary: After Matilda's sister got diagnosed everything changed and she didn't get much attention as she used to. That was until she was diagnosed with Epilepsy and their entire family crumbles with one Chaotic night.
______________________________________________________________
Of course they didn't show up. They are always paying attention to my older sister Sophia. Ever since Sophia test results came back they've been acting like I don't exist. It's been like this for 3 years now since I was 11.
My competition was today for ice skating and they promised they would show up but turns out they had something “come up with work” I just know thats a code sentence for something that came up with sophia.
I haven't even had the time to tell them something that's been going on. My teachers and friends notice i blank out a lot and i've brushed it off for awhile but it's gotten to the point where i even got detention for not paying attention in class
***
Walking through the door I don't hear anyone or the house being filled with chaos. “Mom? Dad? I'm home”I shouted. Just as I thought no one, not even Sophia. All I see is a note on the counter with dads card saying I can door dash if I want too.
I heard someone knock at the door and I waited 30 seconds before getting up hoping the dasher had already left.
***
I was finally dozing off when my family came home
“Mattie we’re home” My dad yelled while putting the groceries on the counter.
I walked into the kitchen to see my dad already preparing dinner. “Wanna help?”
“Sure, it's not like I have much to do, '' I replied, finally relieved that I got to do something with my dad for once.
“Hey, so i made first in my ice skating competition” I said, trying to make some small talk
“That's good Mattie, so are you moving onto the final round? Jay asked while finishing up the pasta on the stove.
“Yeah and i'm going up against my biggest comp-”
“Your biggest what?” Jay turned his head towards Matilda when she didn't reply. “Mattie? Can you hear me” Snapping his fingers in her face.
(Authors Note, Even though abscess seizures last less than 15 seconds I'm going to make this last for around a minute reading it may seem longer but it's not that long).
Jays POV
I called Hailey to come downstairs because either Mattie was pranking me or something was seriously wrong with her.
“Yeah jay what's up?”
“Somethings wrong with Mattie, it's like she's just staring into space and she's not moving.”
“What do you mean she's staring into space?”Hailey tilting her head in confusion
Jay waved his hand in his daughters face and she didn't respond
“Alright i'm calling will”
I was keeping an eye on Mattie but before Hailey could call will, Mattie started moving aging.
“Mattie, are you ok? What happened”
“Yeah im fine and i don't know what happened” Her voice obviously confused
“What were we just talking about?” I asked. Will taught me in these situations I should ask questions if something bad were to happen.
“Uhh, I don't really know. It's like there's fog everywhere in my head”.
“Hails stay here with soph im taking her to med” I said almost dragging matilda off the kitchen bench.
“Ok, keep me posted. I'll tell voight you can't come in tonight.”
***
Connor “Ok so we ran some tests and it's epilepsy. It seems like she suffers from absent seizures from what she told and what you experienced with her. “
As Connor checks up on Mattie I feel ashamed to even be a father. How did I not notice this, she had been suffering for a while. I made it seem like Sophia is my only child, I made her feel left out, I made her… I made her feel like a glass child.
“Jay, JAY!” i was snapped out of my thoughts when will was trying to get my attention
“Sorry just thinking about something” I murmured
“I'm going to tell you this now, whatever happened whatever your think isn't your fault. You couldn't have prevented it no matter what you do. She's gonna have to live with it for the rest of her life and you guys will manage it I promise you.” will said while walking to sit down with me.
9 months later
Things are different nowadays. Hails and I have been arguing more now over Sophia on how I never pay attention to her and I spend all my time with Matilda now. We started attending couples therapy 5 months ago, and so far it's working . We've been arguing less and spending an equal amount of time with the girls. I still do spend a lot of time with Matilda but Hailey does have to know.
“Sophia, hurry up if we wanna get good seats then we have to leave now” I yelled upstairs while grabbing my keys and matilda's small bag.
***
“GO MATTIE” i cheered probably louder than everyone else.
Matties POV
Spin, Jump, Spin again anddd pose. I received an applause from the crowd and started to skate off the ice. I headed to the locker room and took my skates off and put my guards on. I walk around to find my family talking with my coach.
“Ahem?”My mom gives a look that means stop and behave.
Finally they finish and come over to me
“You did an amazing job honey, are they not doing awards today?” mom said as she hugged me
“No, they said something was wrong with there scoring so they'll release them out by email to us” I groaned
'`How about we go out for dinner, whose turn is it to pick?’ My dad asks
Before I can answer my sister shouts out “Olive Garden '' I don't really like olive garden that much but I prefer to have a nice family outing than to argue.
***
Once again me and my sister are fighting but this time it's bad. She had snuck out last night and got caught. She blames me because I didn't answer my phone to let her in. She ended up having to go through the front door which sends a notification to our parents phone every time the doors open. In my defense I had to sleep for my competition. I wasn't about to have dozens of seizures because I was sleep deprived.
I was talking on the phone and my sister overheard me saying “She was a spoiled brat and she's annoying” Truthfully i was talking about this girl in school that everyone hates. Next thing I know I was hanging up on the phone then next I was being pushed to the floor.
Haileys Pov
Me and Jay agreed that we would just let the girls fight now. They always made up and the fights were never physical, only verbal.
We caught Sophia coming back home at 3 in the morning. We grounded her until winter break which is in 1 month. The whole fight went on for about 20 minutes before jay told them to shout
Quieter before the cops came.
I was showing Jay an instagram post when there was a loud thud. Me and Jay both shot our heads up towards the ceiling. “Girls stop throwing stuff” i just looked down at my phone then looked back up when i didn't hear them shouting. “Matilda?...Sophia?” Me and jay both shared the same look and got up to see the damage
“Mattie, soph what's going-”Jay's voice in a mad tone “Mattie, oh my gosh.”
Walking in we see matilda having a seizure and sophia just standing there in shock
“She's having a seizure, Sophia. I need you to run downstairs and get my radio” Sophia just stood there looking at me. “Sophia so help me if you don't go get that radio you will wish voight would have dealt with you instead”. By saying that Sophia snapped out of whatever she was in and ran downstairs.
“What happened? She never has epileptic seizure in awhile” i asked
“She could’ve hit her head or something because i don't know how you get from standing the ground” Jay replied while checking his watch as hit the 30 second mark.
Sophia finally brings up my radio and radio for an ambulance. “This is 50-21 gorge. I need an ambulance to my location, 15 year-old female having a seizure.
At a minute and 30 seconds the seizure finally stopped. We rolled Matilda on her side in recovery position. Jay checked her pulse to make sure it's steady.
I ran my finger through matties hair, i couldn't hear jay asking where the ambulance is i just kept playing the scene in my head.
(Forgot to change the pov so this is going to to be in 3rd person until Voight is done yelling at Sophia)
“Hey Mags” will said while putting his tablet down
“Hey will, you need to control your niece”
“What did she do this time?”
“She told me last week that she wanted to live with me because i let her eat ice cream while she was over at my house because "everytime i come to your house you let me ice cream"” She replied and made a squeaky voice
Will let out a small chuckle “She for real said that? I can't blame her i would want to eat ice cream all the time too”
Just then the buzzer went off signaling that someone new came in. Will ran over
“What have we got”
“14 year old Matilda Halstead, found having a seizure in her bedroom” The paramedics said
Will knew he couldn't treat her because she was family. Connor and Ethan stepped in for the place of will.
“Ok, we're gonna move her to the bed on 3, (1-2-3).” Ethan said while getting ready
“Hey matilda, can you tell me how old you are” Connor said while rubbing her sternum
Will just stood there looking through the open door. It took will to fight off every thought to go in there and help.
Just then Natalie walked in to begin her shift. “Hey will, how are you?” When she didn’t get a response she turned around to see Will standing there. “Will are you good?”.Natalie caught a glimpse of what was going on and decided that will shouldn't be seeing this. “Will, how about we go sit down.” Natalie brought will into the waiting room where the rest of his family was.
***
“Ok Matilda you're going to feel a small poke.” Connor was telling Matilda what they were doing even though she wasn't responding.
“I want her taken up for a CT scan and I want the results as soon as possible, say Dr. Goodwin orders it.”
Connor didn't care if he got in trouble for lying about Sharon Goodwin's words. Matilda was family and he would do anything for her no matter the consequences.
***
Connor walked into the waiting room to see Jay, Will and Natalie. “So she had a seizure because of how hard she hit her head. She also has a mild concussion. I want to keep her for 3 nights just for observation. She wasn't reacting to the meds we originally gave her so I want to rey giving her something else.” Connor explained
“Why wasn't she reacting to the meds”. Jay asked obviously concerned
“I don't exactly know why, I wanna take her up for testing if it's ok with you and hailey”
“You can do it, Me and hailey give you permission to do whatever it takes to help Mattie '' Even though hailey was here he knew she would give permission.
“We moved her to a room on the Peds floor, but she is awake so you can go see her,” Connor said.
“I have to go take care of patients but ill make sure to come see her when i can. I’ll find someone to cover you for a couple of hours” Natalie said while getting up
“Thanks Nat” Will replied while walking away from her
***
“ARE YOU INSANE SOPHIA?” Hailey yelled at her eldest child “MATTIE COULD HAVE SOME SERIOUS DAMAGE NOW, DO YOU REALIZE THAT”
“Hailey take a break or go see your daughter, I’ll deal with her” Voight stepped in.
Sophia let out a gulp knowing shes dead. If you were in trouble and Hank Voight stepped in to deal with you, you might as well just go to jail.
But this time was different, something about the way he was talking was completely different from when he would usually yell at the kids when they were in trouble. This time he was…he was Comforting and nice.
Hanks Pov
“Sophia, you do understand that your parents are extremely mad at you”
Sophia was too scared to even talk. She thought if she said something Hank would blow up at her.
(Idk what else to do for this part let's just say that hank didn't yell at her and he listened to why she did what she did)
***
Matilda’s Pov
All I could hear was ringing and muffled voices all around me. When I tried to open my eyes I immediately shut them because of the blinding light. I can feel someone holding my hand and I finally open my eyes to see my dad sleeping in the chair, he moved close to my bed and my uncle will talking to my mom catching her up on what happened, to wherever she went…
My head is pounding and my mind feels hazy. “Did I have a seizure or something?” I think to myself.
Just then my dad wakes up and sees me looking around the room.
Jays pov
I can see Mattie’s eyes and she is obviously confused and wondering why she's here. It's not our first time here and everytime she ends up crying because she doesn't remember what happened and she's confused.
“Hey Mattie, how are you feeling?”
“Like I was thrown in a washing machine on a spin cycle.”
“I can see your humor and attitude hasn't gone away.” I chuckle
Just then will and hailey come into the room asking all type of questions
“Maybe you guys need to calm down on the questions and-” Before I could finish Mattie started crying.
“Why’s she crying?” Hailey asks concerned
“She usually cries after waking up because she's confused and scared. Plus you two bombarded her with questions as soon as you saw her” I reply with a snarky tone
Just then the pager went off“ Shoot i gotta go take care of a patient i’ll be back later Mattie.”
“So did you talk to Soph” I said breaking the silence
“Yeah i yelled at her for like 2 seconds before voight came in.”She said looking down at the floor
“And what did she say?”
“She explained everything and i understand why she pushed her”
“Really hailey, you're protecting sophia again? She's the reason why we're having this conversation right now.” I yell but in a whisper
“Jay, how about we talk about this at home, we're in a hospital.” She says
“Fine, we'll talk at home. ”
***
I am so fed up with Hailey always protecting Sophia in these types of situations and using her disability as an excuse for her actions. “You're never here to see what's going every time she's in the hospital the first night, You're always at home with sophia.” I snap
“Well, yeah who else is going to watch her?”
“HAILEY, she's 16 years old, Mattie was staying at home watching her at 12 when we were at work and when sophia wasn't home” I yell but none it down because it's night time and i don't want Sophia and Mattie to wake up.
“I WAS WITH SOPH ALL ALONE HAVING TO DEAL WITH HER” she yelled back in a whisper.
“You seem to prioritize Sophia over mattie. Did you forget that you have another daughter? You made me feel like i needed to pay attention to Soph more than Mattie”
“Jay I-” She tried to speak but I cut her off. “No, I need to talk. Matilda has felt miserable for 3 years because of us. I didn't even realize I was making her childhood like mine. She felt like a glass child for years hailey…YEARS, and now when i try to hang out with her and be with her you need to put yourself there and say that “You should take Soph with you” I imitated her “Sophia this, Sophia that” I imitated her again “Do you ever get tired of talking about sophia?, NO YOU CLEARLY DON'T” I yell this time “GOD HAILEY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU HAVE TWO KIDS NOT ONE, BUT TWO.” I shout in her face “I am so done with you right now-”
Just then Matilda walks in the kitchen wondering what's with all the shouting
“Dad, what's going on?” she asks
“Nothing Mattie, go back to bed i’ll be there in a minute” I reply with a smile
She runs back up the stairs and I turn back to my wife. “You don't even go to her competitions anymore…” is all i could say. I couldn't stand to see her right now.
I walk up to mattie room and knock on the door frame “Hey my favorite ice skater, can i come in?
“Sure”
I walk into Mattie's room and sit on the bed.
“Hey dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you and mom gonna split up?” she asks me with tears in her eyes
“Oh Mattie, I really don't know honey. Me and mom are just going through stuff and we aren't happy with each other right now” I tell her while bring her in for a hug
“I heard you arguing about me and Soph, but mostly me”
“We just had a disagreement about something that had you in it. It's fine, nothing bad was said about you. I reassured her
“You don't have to talk to me like i'm five anymore dad” She said making the word five very clear
“You're still gonna be my tiny little baby forever though” I chuckle “Mind if I sleep here tonight?” I didn't want to sleep in the same bed with hailey let alone be in the same room with her.
“Why” Shes asks
I quickly come up with a lie that she will believe due to the recent events “Will and Connor said i need to watch you just incase you know”
“Sure you can go get the spare mattress in my closet because i know you wont sleep in my bed because you complain i move in my sleep, plus i don't wanna sleep by someone who snores like a bear”
“You got one thing right, you move in your sleep like crazy and two I do not snore like a bear, I sleep peacefully like a baby.” I say while bringing the mattress and blanket to the room.
While setting up the mattress I realize I don't have a pillow “Hey Mattie do you have a-” I get cut off with her throwing a pillow in my face.
“Here's your pillow you big baby”
“Alright go to bed before i ground you for doing something stupid, i'm gonna use the bathroom real quick”
“Ok”
I came out of the bathroom to see Matilda passed out in her bed. She definitely missed her bed while being at the hospital.
I get into bed, well the mattress and think about what I'm going to do tomorrow. I can't continue living with someone who acts like this and doesn't recognize her other daughter. Let alone see her when she's in the hospital.
***
Things are different now. Hailey wouldn't agree with me on how she's wrong about Sophia and how she “can’t” take care of herself. A few months after the whole thing with Sophia and Matilda we got a divorce. We dropped the charges that were held against Sophia because we didn't want it to hurt her future. Me and her still work at intelligence but i don't come in for work unless i need to. I do cases from home in my office so I can be with Mattie and I don't have to see Hailey as much. I do go into work every couple of days to be with the team and talk about cases and whatnot.
Mattie alsojust celebrated her 15th birthday with family and friends. As an extra gift from me to her I took on her dream vacation to paris. I even tried to ask hailey if she wanted to come but she said no and that she had work that week. I knew it was a lie because I knew her schedule and she probably just said that so she could take care of sophia. Mattie, even a national titIe when she went to Nationals. She was the highest scoring out of the entire competition. I couldn't be happier.
Although I do miss our whole family being together it's been better now that we're apart. I've gotten to know Mattie way more and had to listen though all the girl drama. Even had to help her when she first got her period and i didnt know who to call because Hailey and Kim were undercover.
Life may be different than it was. What maybe a year and a half ago, but were going to be fine and were going to live with it.
“Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family” - Anthony Brandt
This is way longer than it is on wattpad because i combined both chapters into one plus i like changing the title in tumblr for the fun and looks if it. Just a little quote to close out this story
#connor rhodes#will halstead#jay halstead#one chicago#chicago pd#halstead sister#halstead brothers#tw: epileptic content#epilepsy#non epileptic seizures#family#glass child
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There is no worse feeling than knowing that your entire life is depended upon medication. A list of medications that you know, without a doubt, would render your life meaningless or simply gone if not taken
#sad but true#sad thoughts#i'm sad#medication#medicine#actually epileptic#epileptic problems#epilepsy#psychogenic non epileptic seizures#non epileptic seizures#mentalheathawareness#actually mentally ill#mentally tired#mentally exhausted#depresso#tw depressing thoughts
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Would anyone be interested in me making an info post about non-epileptic psychogenic seizures? They are a pretty common comorbidity in people with DID or OSDD and other dissociative disorders but the communities don’t talk about them a lot.
#did osdd#did system#dissociative identity disorder#actually did#polyfrag system#polyfragmented#endos dni#mental health#osdd 1a#osdd 1b#dissociative amnesia#dissociative alters#complex dissociative disorder#cptsd#complex post traumatic stress disorder#psychogenic seizures#non epileptic seizures#pnes
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