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cassandrasimplex · 6 months

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Listen, when I say, as an abuse survivor, that Astarion's storyline is written with care, delicacy, and profound understanding: Since I completed it a few days ago, which I found incredibly cathartic and fulfilling due to points of commonality with the nature and causes of my CPTSD, I've been sleeping 7-8 hours a night straight through (instead of 3-5 at a time), my resting heart rate has dropped almost 10 beats per minute, I've had zero nightmares (based not just on what I remember but also on how much I move and talk in my sleep), and my fitness tracker wants to know what I've been doing different lately and whether I can keep it up.

I don't expect this change to be permanent or even long-lasting, but not even months of therapy at a time have ever had a positive effect so strong my tracker picked up on it. Not even when I was in crisis mode and only able to sleep 2 or 3 hours a day was therapy able to improve my sleep and my well-being so immediately. Astarion's storyline from finding Cazador's prisoners to the final confrontation, which took me a bit over an hour, did. If you want to count all the narrative build-up to that climax that gave it meaning, call it six weeks' investment for such a dramatic improvement.

The idea that trauma-aware roleplay can help people with PTSD and especially CPTSD find short-term peace and even a long-term improvement in overall functioning and mental health isn't new to me. I stumbled across it on my own, unguided, 30+ years ago. It's a bit newer to most therapists, but it's an approach used in experiential therapy and some related strategies and had been studied for much longer before its incorporation in such toolkits. But BG3 isn't being sold as therapy; it's being sold as a fun video game to play in one's free time.

The thing about CPTSD and recovery from abuse in general is that you have to practice new ways of reacting to the world. Therapies like cognitive behavior therapy focus on helping the patient replace old, maladaptive patterns of thinking that helped them survive a traumatic situation but hinder functioning in safer environments with intentionally-created ones that would have been too dangerous to practice in the traumatic environment but are healthier and more supportive outside it. These patterns have to be practiced, though; it's not enough to just correct yourself once with a more affirming statement and wait for results. You have to do it over and over until it becomes your new default. And results matter. If practicing the new behavior or thought results in the kind of negative outcome it would have prompted in the original abusive situation, the effect is that the old, maladaptive pattern is reinforced instead: "See? I knew acting that way would be too dangerous. I knew thinking that way would just be lying to myself. I already know what's best. The way I've always behaved in order to survive is what serves to keep me safe."

Which is why Astarion's storyline is both so effective and so astonishingly well done. Over and over, you get the chance to reassure him that your friendship is not merely a set of opportunistic transactions, that you don't want to control him, that you see him as a person rather than a puppet or a tool, that he can refuse to manage your feelings for you or even outright hurt your feelings without being "punished" for it. You can comment out loud to him when you catch him being manipulative and tell him that's not how your friendship works while still accepting and supporting him as a person, as a friend. You can make your friendship with him an environment completely opposite in nature to his relationship with his abuser. You can teach him -- and, if you need it, yourself -- what a safe environment looks like. And you can teach him that his abuser's behavior was successful in an environment created specifically to reserve all power for the abuser, but doesn't serve as well outside that situation, to encourage him to find healthier ways of dealing with the world than the ones that were modelled for him within that trauma. (Am I projecting? Of course I'm projecting; that's precisely what makes roleplay such an effective tool. It's a natural human tendency that can be used to advantage.)

And somewhere in your psyche, if you're a person who needs to hear all that as much as Astarion does, your mind is taking note: "How I thought the whole world works was wrong. Only that one little part of the world worked that way. The world is much bigger than the limited environment that hurt me. There are better ways to live and be." The parts of the brain where trauma plants its deepest roots can't tell the difference between play and reality, between past and present. They can't tell the difference between "I can make a safer environment for this person in front of me" and "I can go back in time and make a safer environment for the person I used to be." (That's why so many abuse survivors feel compelled to help other abuse survivors -- empathy, yes, and identification, but on a deeper level than that; we try to become the person who never showed up to help us.)

And if "this person in front of me" happens to be a fictional character, well, it can't really tell the difference between fiction and reality either -- especially when the fiction has a visible face and an audible voice and convincing expression in both.

I'm not in the slightest saying, "Go out and buy BG3 to fix yourself!" because using roleplay as therapy is far too highly personal and variable to expect consistent results from a script. There might be people whose trauma is reinforced by the same things that spoke so soothingly to mine. Larian is a video game company, not a therapist. But I can't get over the way a video game company for fuck's sake has created such a sensitive, tender, supportive story that it can even accidentally function this way. They didn't have to go so hard. They didn't have to lean so far into empathy. They didn't have to bring so much realism into it. They could have just told an interesting story. They did tell an interesting story -- but someone here decided they needed to tell it so well, so powerfully, that they were going to need to know exactly what living through events like those would do to a person, and how a friend would have to act to support that person in working toward happiness and health.

Well fucking done, Larian. Extremely well fucking done.

And although I can't reasonably expect the current effects to last, I can carry something lasting from here on; I can add "What would I say to Astarion right now?" to the list of questions I ask myself when triggered, when I realize I'm experiencing an implicit flashback. What would I say to Astarion? What would I say to a friend? What would I say to someone I care about who's been through the same things I have? What would I say to myself if I thought I deserved to be happy and free?

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #astarion #astarion ancunin #Larian #ptsd #complex ptsd #cptsd #child abuse #abuse survivor

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babiebom · 2 months

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Hiiii. I hope ur ok with my just constantly being like *ahem* spencer reid 👉🏻👈🏻🥹🥹. I loved how you wrote him in the last request! I feel like a lot of the time, people write him very ooc - just bc he can be hard to get written the right way, but like that's my boy, look at him spitting random facts for HOURS 🥰🥰?? Like yes, pls info dump on me while I stare at u lovingly, Spence 💞.

I recently came to terms with being ftm, but it's almost impossible to find any male! reader x Spencer Reid content. Which can be very dysphoric 😵‍💫. Which sucks! Bc holy hell, there are some fuckinnn amazing writers out there writing fanfics.

So now, I have come to you, an amazing writer out here writing fanfics, to beg ask if ud be down to write any kind of oneshot with Spencer Reid dating a male reader! It honestly doesn't have to be anything specific - romantic, angsty, enemies to lovers, slow burn, whatever peaks ur interest atm!

I would just love, love to have that content with Spence & a male reader if you're down for the task! Thank you so so muchh 💓. Hope ur having a wonderful morning / afternoon / evening !

A/N:im sorry this took so long!! I’ve been busy working (blegh) and I wanted to write something sweet for you!! I’m happy you’ve come to terms with being ftm!! As a cis identifying person myself I can’t say that I know how it feels, but I am VERY happy that you’re more comfortable with your identity!! Also never worry about being too “crazy” over Spencer I’ve been obsessed with him since I was about 5 or 6 (yes it’s been a long time)!! I’ll try more to write in a more gender neutral way when writing anything reader insert related that way you can enjoy my writing without feeling left out or anything!! Always let me know if there are things I can do better <3

Tw: maybe some cursing but overall should be wholesome

Wc: 0.54k

Criminal Minds Masterlist

Spencer Reid often came home dejected after a case gone wrong, it was often that he came home tired but happy after a successful case. It wasn’t often, however, that he came home excited for a break; but then again he hadn’t had a boyfriend to come home to on previous breaks. Now, as you watch him walk through the front door of your shared apartment, you can’t help but grin at the absolutely goofy look on his face.

“Emily gave us all 4 weeks off to rest after our latest case, so that means I get four WHOLE weeks of you to myself! Isn’t that great?” He lets out a giggle after he finishes speaking, putting his bag down on the kitchen counter. You didn’t even have to ask him why he was so giddy, he answered unprompted.

“It is great!” You try to match his energy, only seeing him this excited for the first time since you’ve met. He brings you into his embrace, hugging you so tightly that you think you might die if he squeezed you any tighter. “So what are your plans now that you’re a free man for four whole weeks?”

“Well we could go to the park and play chess, or stay here and play chess but I think the sunlight would be good for both of us. Or we could go to the movies, or take a class together, or…”

“Your plans are to just have dates with me every single day?” You ask, quirking an eyebrow.

He nods as if the answer is the most obvious, concrete fact in the universe. He looks at you, not as if you’re dumb, but as if to say ‘duh what else would I be planning to do?’.

The two of you move to sit on the couch, enveloped in each other as he talks about the many, many dates you’re going to go on now that he’s free from his time constricting job. “What if I don’t wanna do those things?” You ask playfully. He shrugs.

“It doesn’t matter what we do, as long as I get to do it with you”.

“Oh?” You look at him as if he said something scandalous, “I didn’t know you had that big of a crush on me.”

He shoves you gently, rolling his eyes at your attempt to joke off his sweet words.

“You’re joking but studies have found that couples who have regular date nights more often result in higher relationship satisfaction, better communication, and a stronger emotional connection. Us going on dates during these four weeks will be better for us in the long run.”

You don’t reply, or interrupt. It’s always amusing to listen to him ramble on and on about facts that he finds interesting or applicable to the conversation. And all it does is make you fall more in love with him, seeing how serious he is about your relationship working out in the future. He says that he loves you often, but it’s things like this; seeing and listening to how much he genuinely cares about your relationship.

Being the boyfriend of a pretty boy genius has its perks, and how much he cares about you compared to others is definitely one of them.

#criminal minds x reader #criminal minds oneshot #criminal minds #criminal minds drabble #criminal minds fluff #cm oneshots #cm x reader #cm spencer reid #cm #cm dribbles #spencer reid headcanon #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #cm fluff #spencer reid x male reader

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swabian-princess · 2 years

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The Cheatcode

Hello Ladies,

I’ve found the cheat code when it comes to hypergamy! You’ll only need a little start capital…not that much, only around 1-2k.

You need to rebuild your entire wardrobe. Yes. Throw out your crop tops and your leggings. No high value man wants a woman that is dressed like a yoga teacher all day. I don’t care if you’re only 21. Buy all those long skirts and button up tops and don’t even think about purchasing a bag cheaper than 500 dollars.

Think about what you can do in terms of your appearance. Maybe a nose job or a skinny BBL? If you’re lucky you can get away with only lip fillers.

Only speak about feminine stuff. Home decor. How you’re planning to homeschool your children. Let the man talk about masculine things like politics or finances.

Are you still reading? Well…I have a surprise for you…

…there is no such thing as a cheatcode.

Sorry, but I need to rant a little bit.

I’m so fucking annoyed at posts like this. There is currently and likely never will be a cheatcode for hypergamy.

Don’t believe those feminity influencers – most of them aren’t even married or have bagged a billionaire. Don’t buy books from these people and don’t give them money for strange online classes, that claim you’ll meet a billionaire within a five step program.

The truth is, wether you like it or not, that only very few woman will marry into high society and even fewer will stay in those circles.

I don’t know if you get it but those men are only human and want a honest connection with their partner. (Well, I’m sure there are men that really only care about looks but is this really a man you would like to marry? Even if he’s the richest man on the planet?)

Hypergamy is work. Hard fucking work.

Many of you seem to think that those men only fuck you and look at you. What do you do if you can’t fuck because you’re on a gala or his mothers birthday dinner? You’ll have to open your mouth and start talking.

I’m like 98% sure that you could be a grenade in bed and the most beautiful woman that ever walked on earth, if you can’t hold a conversation for longer than a minute, you won’t be succesful.

I am not that beautiful myself, I’m average with a few nice features but I can entertain my boyfriend for hours just talking about my day. I can discuss current politics with him and talk about his business without googling every second phrase.

He loves to spend time with me because he likes how I make him feel. I make him feel welcomed in his home, I make sure to listen to his problems and about what brings him joy. I am the first person he wants to call when he has a hard or a very succesful day because he know that my reactions are always honest and genuine. I won’t just tell him what he wants to hear – I tell him my opinion.

Another thing that bugs me, is that those feminity influencers make relationships seem like the only things to do are shopping, taking vacations and going out to eat.

Honestly it’s fucking hard to be with a high value man.

High value man = very full schedule.

My boyfriend works from 5:30am to 7pm and sometimes even longer. When he comes home he wants to shower, eat something and talk to me.

I prepare his meals and clean the house while he’s at work. I do grocerie shopping and laundry, I iron his clothes and order his skin and haircare products.

He doesn’t expect me in a full face of makeup and a bodycon dress with heels when he gets home but he wants me to be clean and freshly showered. He want’s no drama and he expects that I know my place – beside him.

A relationship is work, especially if you’re in one with a man that works 80+ hours a week. Don’t expect endless shopping trips with him or a nice dinner every day. There is a reason why he has money – he works for it and his working hours are usually very long.

Okay, thats all I have for now.

Bye Bye

Selene

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likeawildthing · 1 year

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I just wondered, what's your evening closing routine?

Absolutely! Since daylight savings time, darkness has pretty much aligned with my work schedule. And I work from home most of the time so work/home boundaries are super important. Since I started working from my couch, even more so. I started a short closing routine to transition from work to evening — it mostly involves the senses and soft, warm vibes.

Put laptop, mouse, accessories away in a basket so they aren’t visible until tomorrow.

Close all the blinds and curtains, even if there is a little residual light left. I am embracing night and declaring the transition for myself!

Change into evening clothes — soft, cozy, usually fluffy, different from daytime soft and cozy clothes to signal night.

Turn the lamps on. Always anti-overhead lights, I have lamps throughout the bottom floor of my house. They emit a super warm glow throughout the bottom floor. Even when I go to bed, I use lamplight and not overhead light.

Light a scented candle in the kitchen while I’m cooking.

Turn on music — I have been favoring post-modern jukebox, jazz, and Christmas carols during the holidays. The music stays on while I cook dinner, eat, and do clean up.

Bring candle into living room. Think about time to or from winter solstice. To me, thinking of it in these terms has reminded me of the seasonality which has made the darkness easier to bear. Tomorrow will be two full weeks of longer days!

Have a variety of soft blankets to snuggle with.

Embrace the low activity time of year. This is a season of scaling back, resting, and regenerating for most animals. Why not for us, too? I like to try to fill this time with things that bring me joy but might take less energy than, say, gardening or jogging.

Only then do I get on my phone and I engage with online. This is the point that I might scroll, watch tv, or listen to a podcast. If I am reading or working on a project, I will put the fireplace YouTube video or Netflix channel on.

This might only be 20 minutes if dinner is short. And you can adapt it any which way , less or more. As simple as cozy clothes, a light, and a song. The general idea is engaging your senses, embracing night, and connecting mindfully to the idea that this is a season with purpose. That reflection has ultimately been the practice they has changed my mindset and kept SAD at bay this year. In the week leading up to solstice, I lit a taper candle for an hour each night.

A few other winter practices that keep me engaged with nature:

I watch the sunrise or early morning hour for about 5 minutes out of my eastern facing window.

Because I work at home most days, I choose to work in my living room which is sunnier in winter. I also have a simple prism that refracts rainbows on sunny afternoons — I call it gay o’clock.

I open the windows for 15-60 minutes every morning if it’s above 0. Even if it’s 20, the fresh air is invigorating and helps the house feel less stuffy. If it’s too cold, I put bird tv for cats on YouTube for an hour or so. Bird song really does engage our parasympathetic nervous symptom and reduce anxiety, even if we only listen for 5 minutes. A sound app can also do this for you!

When I am driving I tend to take the scenic route even if it adds a few minutes to my trip.

I take advantage of the nice days and go out when I can.

#winter #winter depression

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dk-wren · 4 months

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Buddy Daddies Week - Ep. 1-4 Rewatch

Welcome to Day 2 of my Buddy Daddies Celebration Week! Today, I present to you some of my thoughts and musings from my rewatch of the whole series. Today will focus on episodes 1-4, with my thoughts and reactions for the remaining episodes being posted throughout the rest of the week.

For some reason (I honestly don’t know why), I was very adamant that the main timeline would eventually cross paths with the prologue and we’d see those events again or perhaps it would be referenced in a later episode. Obviously, it never did. And so thinking about it now, if I had to place where the prologue happened, I would guess between episodes 5 and 6 (I know this isn’t necessarily anything new or groundbreaking. This is just me going through my thoughts).

I was originally thinking sometime between Episode 4-6 since Rei had slowly begun his process of opening himself up to loving and taking care of Miri, or accepting that he is her papa. Episode 4 was my starting guess because that’s where we’re introduced to Miss Anna, and Miri actually starts attending daycare. Additionally, Rei is still a little reserved or closed off at this point. However, based on the first scene of ep. 5 and Kazuki’s financial gymnastics, it seems like it’s been awhile since their last mission. Which to me, wouldn’t make sense for them to go on the prologue mission between these two episodes. Rei’s walls start to come down some more in ep 5, and Kazuki and Rei both agree that they kinda need to take on a few more jobs to make a living. With Miri getting mad at Kazuki and fully letting him know how much she loves Rei, I feel anything after ep 6 would make the prologue mission feel out of place in terms of Rei’s behavior. Additionally, by this point it seems like Rei had slowly begun to help out more around the house and with Miri. Therefore, with Rei and Kazuki needing to complete the mission they were on in the prologue, but Rei seemingly not as observant or involved with taking care of Miri, that is why I am placing the events of the prologue between episodes 5 and 6.

The way the kitty just snuggles up next to Rei! She knows she’s safe and protected next to him (and maybe that he’s always been a good person who is capable of loving another!!!)

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Rei seems to have some understanding of Christmas, did he celebrate this when he was younger? Since that seems highly unlikely, did he just pick up on it and learn over time? Or did Rei experience his first true Christmas living with Kazuki?!

Random thought of the episode…is this their truck? Where do they park it/store it since we only see it on missions?

Love how Miri's priorities are cake first, finding papa second

Is it bad that it took me reading someone’s post on here to realize Kazuki and their target, Atsushi Hayami, were meant to look similar? Like I see it now, but on a first watch, I was completely oblivious to it.

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This opening!!! I remember watching this scene for the first time and just thinking to myself, yep, that’s a four year old. And Kazuki, this man is already questioning everything. But also, despite being the one who is more prepared to be a father, I like how this scene shows how there are things that Kazuki is learning and may not have considered without experience

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I don’t know a whole lot about name honorifics or modifies in Japanese, but I love how after Rei rejects “Papa” Kazuki still tries to keep it a family name with “Uncle” (before settling with “Rei-kun” for this episode and part of the following one).

Based on his reaction, I get a feeling this was the first time Kazuki made Rei french toast. If so, I wonder if Miri asked for Kazuki to make it or if he just decided that’s what would be for breakfast

Out of context, this scene is still pretty funny, like Miri managed to destroy their apartment in probably a few hours at most. When I watched this clip the first time, I always thought when Rei said “cover” (at least, according to the translation), he was talking to Kazuki. As in, to keep Miri distracted, they told her they were playing hide and seek, with Miri hiding and they would be the ones to find her. After watching the episode, I picked up that Rei was meant to be directing that comment at Miri, which I love how seriously he says it like its an actual critique. Just goes to show I guess how much Rei has grown over the course of the show in his approach to playing with/talking to Miri.

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Moment of appreciation for this iconic scene!

I feel like I should have taken this post credit scene more seriously when it came out because wow did it do a good job of formally introducing Ogino and just what would be in store when this fun little family comedy took a turn

How do I hug little Rei while simultaneously punch Shigeki?

I really enjoy how despite Kazuki trying to get Rei to take on the title “papa” or “uncle” in the previous episode, both he and Miri respect that he doesn’t want to be called either name and generally will use “-kun” instead

Even though up until this point, Rei hasn’t been actively shown to take the lead in caring for or wanting to keep Miri, I love how he can already see right through Kazuki’s stance that they should return Miri to her mother

I’d argue this exchange just goes to show how much Miri already loves and accepts Rei as her papa, even if he does not actively return the gesture. She wants to know where he is and when Kazuki says he doesn’t know, she actively goes out to try and find him. Then, she comforts him in ways she’s probably familiar with: staying by his side and by saying the smile spell

This man is a hitman and (as we learn in a later episode) used to do gaming all-nighters, but is absolutely dead after playing for no more than a few hours with Miri. Another very accurate portrayal of how draining spending time with children can be, in terms of keeping up with their energy level

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Based on the brief background given about Misaki and the impressions at least I took away from this episode, I wonder if this is what Misaki told Miri about who her father was and why he was not present in their lives

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Nothing to add, just gonna leave this scene here.

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While I totally understand Kazuki and Rei’s reactions, and empathize with the messes Miri is accidentally creating, it says a lot about Miri in how she wants to spend time with both of them and/or help out with chores

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One of my favorite, small moments, is the two times in this episode where music is playing as Kazuki and Miri start walking in one direction, with Rei heading the other way, only for the music to cut abruptly and show Rei forced to go wherever the other two are headed

As Miri is figuring out daycare herself, I think it’s sweet how her future friends, Kotori and Hinata, are the ones to somewhat explain why they don’t want to play with Miri (and why the other children feel the same way)

This post credit scene or the one from ep 4 is probably my favorite. Just another example of Miri showing how much love she has for her two papas. I also can’t help but wonder how many items in Miri’s room were chosen by her (aside from toys and decor) and how many were chosen by Kazuki and Rei? Also, how long did this take them? And please tell me that Kazuki dragged Rei with him as they went furniture shopping.

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Also, if Miri only got her room at the end of the episode, where did she sleep the two nights they went shopping? Because in the beginning of the episode, Miri is still seen sleeping on the couch, but both times all of their shopping bags are covering the area where the sofa is. I think I’m looking to hard into this…

Thank you again for your support and for reading this post!

I hope you enjoyed reading some of my thoughts and random questions I had while rewatching this show (which I decided to edit down since this post would have gotten really really long otherwise-debating if I wanna post my full, unedited thoughts though at a later point). I think they do a good job of capturing the way my brain normally works, so yeah...

Anyways, hope to see you again tomorrow!

-Dakota Wren

#buddy daddies #buddy daddies anime #buddy daddies anniversary #dk wren's bd celebration week #buddy daddies rewatch #Youtube

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woman-for-women · 11 months

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How do you make your infographics if I can ask, and how long does it normally take you to design, do the research, find what quotes you like, etc. I’m very interested in making my own, especially about the drag queen issue but I struggle with adhd and staying on task and get unmotivated easily.

What I use to make Infographics/Posts

You don’t need anything fancy to make infographics! I’m familiar with Adobe InDesign and the Adobe design suite, but those tools are expensive and are hard to learn.

I use Canva to make my material. I don’t pay for their premium account, so my account is completely free! It gives you templates and design elements to work with. I really like Canva because it helps me quickly design and post material.

How long does it take?

Making posts with just a quote usually takes me 5 minutes per post, so they're pretty fast to make.

My infographic posts take the longest to make. My Intersex and Sex Binary posts took me over 30 hours to research, plan, compile, write, design, and edit. Some smaller infographics like Transmasculine Individuals and Binding took ~4 hours.

A lot of the time is spent on the research stage. The good news is I've compiled a lot of my research into this ~300-page master document! It's full of studies and facts, grouped by topic as a resource for other women. It's so big I've really only scraped the surface in terms of what I've been able to adapt so far.

Feel free to take a look for yourself if you want to make your own posts/material, or if you're just curious! If you're interested in making posts about any of the topics listed, this might help shorten your research. I've also named/linked all my sources, so you can click the hyperlinked sources or Google the name of the study and read the whole thing if it interests you.

Work Process & Motivation

I also struggle with motivation and finishing projects. The key (for me) is to organizing my digital workspace.

If I see a statistic or study that interests me, I stick it into my masterdoc. If I see a Tumblr post with an interesting idea, quote, or fact, I save the post as a draft

When I have time, I go through my drafts and pick a few posts I feel like adapting.

On Canva, you can search for keywords like "Instagram Post", "Instagram Story" or "Quote" and Canva will give you suggested templates.

I have a Canva document saved of a bunch of templates I want to use for quotes, for example (you may recognize some of the backgrounds/fonts from my posts):

When I pick a quote I like, I copy and paste the template square into a blank page on my document where I keep all my quotes and I just edit the text and mess around with the design elements until I'm satisfied.

I can then easily export my posts!

My process for infographics is similar. I search "Infographic" and save infographic templates I like, then just add in the information when I have the time and motivation.

I get demotivated sometimes, so it helps to do a lot of posts back-to-back when I'm motivated and have time. I then add the posts to my Tumblr queue, so my blog is posting daily, even on days or weeks when I don't have the time, energy, or motivation to make material.

I know online activism can get really tiring and it can be easy to burn out. Stickering, flyering, reading feminist/woman-centered books to educate yourself, signing petitions and writing letters, meeting with like-minded women, and volunteering for women's shelters/causes are great ways to help women in real life that don't feel as impersonal as a Tumblr blog. If there's a topic you're passionate about, make that infographic or post, but also think about what you can do in real life to advocate for or advance the cause!

I find mailing women radical feminist stickers (which you can order for free here!) is a great way to remind myself that I'm not alone and there are other women like me. Every envelope I pack makes me feel really connected to other women. I also work for an organization that helps women in the Global South and try to read feminist books in my spare time.

TL;DR - Use Canva, spread the word, and try to help women in real life!

#w4w speaks #w4w asks #w4w infographic #w4w how to

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studentbyday · 6 months

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src: study with merve (+ last night's journal entry lol) D-50 DAYS TO FREEDOM

whether or not i think i can, i *do* really feel more motivated to try when i tell myself i can do it. so here i am, in the darkest hours of the semester playing catch up, and telling myself it's possible, regardless of the outcome. also apparently what i need to do is vent out all the negativity and the reasons why and only THEN can i have space for smth more positive/constructive and believe it... ^^

learning:

finish psyc lab ✅ (still not done with the chapters for this week but worse be to worse i double up on psyc this week, doing 1 ch per day for 5 days bc there's only 2 ch next week, wooo!)

finish mol bio sections 1-3 ✅ (i have 7 slides left to section 3 and absolutely need to finish the sections 4-5 tmr bc there's a quiz on monday about this stuff)

finish biochem sections 4-half of 6 (i will be happy if i get this done tmr and finish the last 2 sections on monday bc *technically* this module continues into next week but the homework is due on tuesday. i guess the reason another module wasn't assigned next week is bc we need to get the first draft of our term paper in early the following week 😬 i aM tOtAlLy NoT sTrEsSeD aBoUt ThIsSsSsSs - okayokay DEEP BREATHS. i can do this.)

email questions about biochem assignment feedback i just received ✅

self-care:

physio exercises ✅

(also low-key proud of my screen time today, LET'S KEEP IT THAT WAY SHALL WE???? planning to keep my phone in another room whenever i want/need real unbroken focus time)

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ellieslaces · 14 days

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an ode to my Ellie’s switchblade tattoo 🌿🗡️ ☟

there are pictures of a tattoo under the cut, some may have blood. proceed with caution if you are squeamish with blood <3 / there’s a long explanation of this tattoo under the pictures!

stencil ; I moved the stencil around 3 times before I decided the placement was perfect! (my artist told me I was low maintenance because I only moved it three times and we only had to use one piece of stencil) (also, ft. my Jill shirt another artist complimented!)

freshly done ; around 5 minutes after being tattooed on my arm! (picture by my artist!)

20 minutes later ; in my car about to drive home, covered in sani-derm (which I later realized doesn’t get along well with my skin) excited to go home and get some sleep (really I stared at it the rest of the night)

a week later ; here she is a week later, still itchy and still a little peel-y, but she’s healing really well. every time someone sees it, they ask what the significance is, and I get to talk about Ellie <3

🌿🗡️🌿

when considering my first ever tattoo, I knew I wanted something The Last of Us themed. I contemplated getting Ellie’s tattoo, but it is quite large and would have been very expensive. I also just have no desire to have a tattoo that big.

I considered some quotes as well, such as “when you’re lost in the darkness, look for the light” (double meaning bc it’s the Firefly motto and Ellie’s name literally means ‘light’) or “if I ever were to lose you, I’d surely lose myself”. but I decided against lettering as lettering bleeds if not done in thick lining and runs the risk of being misspelled.

I still have an ambition to get the moths Ellie draws in her journal in pt. 2, but that’s for the future. I also heavily considered getting something like the giraffe scene or something about the birthday flash back from pt. 2. but, for now, I went with a simple decision of getting Ellie’s switchblade.

it is essentially a black and grey replica of her switchblade on my outer left wrist (a twist tattoo basically). it is around 4 inches and actually very detailed for being so small.

I sat on this particular design and location for about a week before I caved and went to talk with my artist. (although I’ve wanted a TLOU tattoo for a little over a year now) he got me in the next day and did my tattoo. in all, I was there for a little over an hour and in the chair for around 40 minutes.

this tattoo actually means so much to me as The Last of Us video game series is one of my all time favorite things in this world, and my favorite games. I’ve Platinumed one of the games and am working to Platinum the other. I have hundreds of hours worth of gameplay of both games combined. this series of games means a lot to me for some emotional reasons. one of them (and maybe the biggest) being it helped me come to terms with my sexuality. which sounds a little silly, but it’s true.

I love these games, and Ellie as well. I find her relatable to me and I have a deep love for her and the plot itself. while I no longer support Druckman or Naughty Dog, these games will always have a huge significance to me and will always be close to my heart <3

#the last of us #the last of us part 2 #Ellie Williams #Ellie’s switchblade #tlou tattoo #don’t support Neil Druckman #don’t support naughty dog!#free palestine #tattoos #I really love this tattoo #it means so much to me

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 8 months

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Hakuoki Shinkai Tenun no Shou Stellaworth Booklet "Her Long Day" Part 1

Sorry this is late... but I was pretty busy yesterday, and I likely will have to push next week's translation to the following Monday or Tuesday as I'll be travelling soon and won't have access to my laptop for a period of time... alternatively, I'll just translate more next Thursday because this story has 12 sections, one for each of the routes.

Though I'm having eye problems again so maybe not... 😢

Hakuoki Shinkai Tenun no Shou Stellaworth Booklet "Her Long Day" Part 1

translation by KumoriYami

Note up top... so before all the "x character moment" text, there's a term... which I'm not entirely sure what to do with. I'm pretty sure there are Japanese equivalents of what the hour ranges are referred to, but I've left them as they are in Chinese since I'm not sparing time to fix things right now but the range of time themselves are then specified in the "《X~Y o'clock》" part that follows after. I have no idea if it's like that in the booklet, but as it was in the tl I translated, I decided to keep it as is.

Maoshi · Souma Moment 《5~7 o'clock》

Everyday, I always begin with hearing birdsongs.

"......Nn.....Nnn......"

The singing voices of the sparrows that rested in the backyard served in place as an alarm clock and reverberated into my eyes.

I wanted to sleep a bit more, I tried to say so as my eyelids fluttered...

The hazy morning light came in through the sliding door and caressed my cheeks.

"......Is it.... morning..... already.......?"

To be honest, I didn't sleep last well last night, but it was my turn to cook breakfast today….

As someone in the care of the Shinsengumi, I can't procrastinate.

"Alright, i need to go wash my face...!"

I got up, and straightened myself up.

After getting dressed, I went into the corridor and the cool morning air enveloped my body.

Everyone was still sleeping, so I need to be careful to not wake them up.

As I thought that while walking toward the well, I was startled by a sound coming from the courtyard.

"——Hei! Ha! Huah!"

"....Huh, Souma-kun?"

His sword carved an arc of light and shadow, repeatedly tearing through the early morning air.

I was drawn to the by the unembellished shining blade without any confusion [???], and stared intently at Souma-kun, who after noticing my presence, stopped training.

"Ah, Yukimura-senpai. Good morning."

"Nn, good morning… You've started training this early?"

"Yes. I wanted to move my body before everyone gets up."

"Even so, you woke up early, right…"

It was almost an hour before everyone else would wake up.

Originally, pages slept later than others due to being busy with chores. Could Souma-kun still rest properly after waking up so early...?

Souma-kun didn't seem to see my concerns, and clenched his fists energetically as he spoke.

"My swordsmanship can't be compared to other people's, so even if it's only for a short while, I don't want to lose out on an opportunity to practise."

"That's why you're already practising...?"

"Yes! One day, I'm going to catch up with everyone…!"

"......How dazzling......"

I unconsciously said that.

Regardless of what happens to us two in the Shinsengumi, he will surely be able to show that dazzling smile I admire while at my side..

"And if I wake up early, I can see Senpai. That's also one of the reasons."

"See me?….You can see me at any time…."

"But, if the first person I see of the day is Senpai, there will be special sense of accomplishment."

"......."

"What is it, Senpai?"

"No, it's nothing. I just think I should be working harder!"

"??"

Souma-kun occasionally things that make people feel embarrassed like this.

For the sake of preventing others from noticing the embarassmened expression on my face this morning, I decided to quickly wash my face.

Chenshi·Toudou Moment《7~9 o'clock》

I washed my face by the well, did up my hair into a bun, and freshened up again.

I renewed my spirit and left for the kitchen which was located at the corner of headquarters.

Ultimately, the Shinsengumi is a large organization, and the number of executives and soldiers alone is quite a lot.

That's why cooking duty is done by several alternating members…

"......Hey, Chizuru."

"What is it, Heisuke-kun?"

"Isn't it torture to ask me to make breakfast while I'm hungry…?"

Heisuke-kun was in charge of breakfast with me today, looked unhappy for some reason.

To be precise, his salivating face seemed somewhat resentful as he stared at the large pot.

"What's wrong with you? You seem more haggard this morning than usual…"

"Uh… I haven't eaten anything since lunch yesterday…"

"Eh…!? You didn't eat dinner yesterday?"

As I recalled dinner last night, I turned my head.

It's true that the Eigth Division's patrol was extended last nigt and they couldn't make it to dinner, but its members had rice balls that they could take back to their rooms… In that case…

"Yeah, I got some rice balls, but on my way back to my room, I noticed a stray cat in the courtyard. Since I felt sorry for it, I shared my rice balls with it."

"In that case, couldn't you have gone to explain that to get another one…?"

"I thought that too, but wasn't Takeda-san in charge of dinner yesterday?"

"Ah..."

"Anyway you must be lying about eating, right? When he said that, he wouldn't give me another one."

“……”

It's true that Heisuke-kun sometimes steals food.

So it's not unreasonable to doubt him from his normal behaviour.

But....

"....Heisuke-kun."

I looked around.

After confirming that there wasn't anyone, I secretly handed him the tamagoyaki that I just made.

"Chizuru...""

"This was just made... eat it while it's still hot."

"Ah, uh…. but is this really okay? Don't you normally get angry when I swipe food…?"

"...Today's circumstances are special. Furthermore, this is just a sample for you to taste, that's all."

It's really pitiful to have done something that was obviously good, but not have enough to eat.

Heisuke-kun stuffed a piece of tamagoyaki into his mouth with moist eyes.

"Delicious…! Thank you, Chizuru. I love this sweet/gentle and soft part of you!"

"Love....?"

"Ah————no, although I said love, I however actually meant this/mean um. I mean there's nothing special!"

"Hm...?"

"Al-Alright, I'm full of energy again, so let's hurry up and prepare breakfast!"

For some reason, Heisuke-kun seemed to be a bit flustered, but he finally regained his spirits.

In order to not lose to him, I also turned around to face the large pot.

----to be continued---

sorry, i meant to do three of these, but i'm short on time right now and trying to rush something else.... (┬┬﹏┬┬)

Also tamagoyaki are a type of Japanese omelettes.

#hakuoki #hakuouki #hakuoki other translation #hakuoki tenun no shou #yukimura chizuru #souma kazue #toudou heisuke

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bethbluebell · 1 year

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new to you [ e.williams ] part 4

ellie williams x fem!reader

summary; being the new person in a tight knit community, you would think it’d be tough to create any meaningful relationships but oh were you wrong; and it might just be one new connection in particular that will ultimately be your downfall

parts; 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 (ongoing series)

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

5 months later

"C'mon, you're gonna have to limp faster than that." You remarked turning around. Staring back at you was Mike, a rugged but comedic guy who tagged along with you just a month back.

You smirked as you watched him hunch over and stare at the grassy terrain beneath you, "Please be quiet, I can't even hear myself losing the will to live." He responded sarcasm coating his words. You chuckled as you sauntered over to him and draped his arm over your shoulder.

"We are almost there big guy, don't die on me just yet." You joked, earning a dramatic huff from Mike as he dragged his feet across the ground.

You could make it out in the distance. The all too familiar layout of the place you once and still called home.

It was dusk and even though you were both exhausted and needed a good meal, you started to feel hot and your heart rate began to quicken. "Hey." Your head shot up as you felt Mike's hand touch your shoulder, "You okay? I thought you knew this place?"

You nodded, abruptly forcing yourself out of the trance you found yourself in, "I-I do. It’s just been a while." You gulped returning his gaze with a sheepish smile. It was pretty obvious you weren’t telling him the full truth but it’s not like you left on bad terms with the whole of Jackson, just one person in particular.

Mike didn’t press the subject any further and began to match your pace. After 20 minutes of trekking through the all too familiar patrol paths you arrived at Jackson. You had to yell your full name to the ones guarding the gate and as soon as a small gap opened Maria was the first to come running out with open arms.

"(Y/N)! How long has it been?" Maria engulfed you in a hug that you quickly accepted. From the corner of your eye you could see Mike smiling awkwardly beside you. You pulled away from the hug and nodded towards Mike, "Maria, this is Mike. He's been kinda my partner for the last few weeks."

"Partner, hmm?" Maria teased making you instantly regret your choice of words.

Mike didn't deny it which lead you to quickly wave your hands in front of you in denial. "God, no. Nothing like that." Maria laughed and ushered you both into Jackson. You were greeted by many familiar faces and a minority of new ones.

You fidgeted as you walked alongside her. There was only one specific reason at present making you this nervous. The way you left things with Ellie was a strange one and it didn’t prevent you from thinking about her every day. Its not like you left Jackson solely for the reason of getting away from her but it was just suffocating. You couldn’t understand the hold she had over you and it didn’t seem to soften for the five months you had left either.

“Hey, Maria..” You trailed off letting out a deep sigh in the process. “Do you perhaps know where Ellie is? I'd love to say hello to everyone but we didn't leave on the best of terms."

Maria gave you a pitiful smile and stopped walking. "I think she went back to her room, she just got back from patrol an hour ago."

"Thank you." You looked over at Mike and laughed as he stared in awe at the small town you once lived in. Maria offered to give Mike a tour to which he gladly accepted. He didn’t fail to mention that Maria was hot before running after her.

There’s no point in avoiding the inevitable any longer, it was time to face the music and speak to Ellie. You rushed around being roped into conversations with the townsfolk that recognised you. Thankfully, you were able to cut the conversations short and race in the direction of Ellie’s place.

You weren't going to deny it, you were absolutely shitting yourself. Ellie has always been a tough nut to crack. You just hope she didn't see you leaving as a form of betrayal.

Your mouth began to feel dry and you stood just before Ellie’s door. You lifted your hand and lightly knocked almost instantly hearing shuffling and footsteps within. You took a deep breath and touched the door handle, "Ellie-?" The door flung open and there she was. You swear you felt your heat flutter and possibly skip 10 beats.

She looked you up and down, bewildered. "(Y/N)?"

"Hi." You smiled, trying to keep your hair in check from the wind. "Can I come in? Just a little bit breezy out here." You laughed causing Ellie to fumble and move out the way.

You stepped in and compared in your mind what furniture had been moved and what items have been added. It’s was only up until now did you realise how much time you spent in Ellie's little safe place.

Ellie slumped down on her couch, resting her elbows on her thighs as she rubbed her hands together, "So, how's it been?" Interrupting your train of thought, you whipped your head around giving her your full attention.

You gradually nodded making your way next to her, “Yeah, It’s been good. I mean it definitely hasn’t been smooth sailing but it’s nothing I wasn’t expecting.” You explained. You knew there was no use in persuading her to suddenly accept your decision but you weren’t going to bullshit her either.

“I’ve brought back one of the guys I met while traveling. I’m sure he’ll love to tell you about the shit we got up too.” You turned your head back towards her and paused. Stupidly, you expected Ellie to be smiling along with you but she wasn’t even looking at you, practically avoiding your gaze altogether.

Your smile faded as you shifted your eyes away from her, "He'll probably tell them better than me anyways." You gave off a dry laugh trying to lighten the mood.

From the corner of your eye you could see her muscles tighten and her face discreetly scrunch up at the second mention of Mike, “I’d rather hear them from you.” She spoke up bluntly. Her expression was stoic, an expression you became quite familiar with after all these months of knowing her. She made this face when she wanted to say something but was holding herself back, as if it was the easier option.

You cleared your throat and leaned back into the cushioned seat, “I’ll hold you to that.”

Ellie looked over at you having to turn her upper body to get a wider view. Her eyes tediously swept over your body studying the newly healed scars scattered along your fingers and face. It was hard to explain but something about Ellie just felt different.

You played with your fingers almost forgetting why you rushed over here in the first place. You weren’t overly keen on dwelling on the past but you didn't want it to haunt you two either, "Look, Ellie. I know we didn't part on the best of terms but I think we need to talk about it." You trailed off sitting up from your previous comfortable position.

Ellie briefly rolled her eyes, "Really, (Y/N). Now? Can't we do this later."

You looked up at the ceiling in frustration, "Seriously? We can't just dance around the subject like it came from nothing." You yelled slightly louder than you anticipated, "This is why we left on a bad note because you are always too stubborn to talk to me."

"I don't want you to hate me-"

"I don't-!" You let out a dramatic sigh and stood up, "..I don't hate you Ellie I'm just as frustrated as you are.” You peered into her eyes searching for the answers her mouth wasn't giving but you were still left with nothing.

You begin to pick up your bag and head towards the door, "Where are you going?" Ellie asked abruptly grabbing your wrist.

"I'm leaving." You say not even turning to look at her shaking off her grip.

You went to turn the door handle until your ears perked up, "Shocker, that’s like the only thing you do nowadays." Ellie muttered under her breathe.

You leaned your head against the door, gritting your teeth, "Well what do you want me to do Ellie?" You pushed yourself off the door and turned to face her, "Please enlighten me."

"I don't know?" She lifted her arms up in defeat, "Just stay." It began to sound like a plea but you have just about had enough of Ellie's little mind games. You knew in your heart that they were never intentional but they consistently ended with you getting hurt regardless.

You keep reminding yourself that things will never go the way you want them too. You are grasping at straws thinking Ellie will ever take more of an interest in you than just pure friendship.

You aim for the handle once more until Ellie takes a quick step forward, "At least give me a chance to make it up to you." She pleaded. Her eyes glistening as she scanned your face for any intention of giving in.

"Please."

After a minor battle with your head and your heart you let your fingers fall from the door handle and crossed your arms, "I'm only taking you up on your offer because I'm intrigued not because I have any intention of staying." Ellie grinned and began walking backwards in the direction of her desk; still holding eye contact.

"Well I hope you haven't made yourself comfortable because we are going on a little adventure."

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

You and Ellie were walking side by side through the forest. Your feet shuffled through fallen leaves as you quietly admired the high-strung trees that blocked out the mild wind and rain.

"You know, I was going to ignore it but I can't help notice the bottles clinking obnoxiously loud inside of your bag." You stated failing to stifle the laughter.

"For the surprise factor please ignore it for now." Ellie sheepishly grinned, pulling her bag strap further up her shoulder earning a small giggle from you.

You looked over at Ellie admiring her. This is something you wanted to avoid doing again but how could you? Your feelings have just continued to grow, your mind constantly clouded with thoughts of her.

You gulped and turned your head away, tightening your lips together. The silence wasn't uncomfortable but it definitely wasn't normal for you and Ellie.

Ellie grunted as she pushed the two doors open. It seems that she has decided to drag you to a pub or what’s left of it.

You shuffled past Ellie as she cursed to herself trying to keep the doors from shutting entirely. You looked up in awe, the engravings within the ceiling took you by surprise. You scanned the dozens of frail photographs decorating the walls of what you can assume were customers enjoying a pint or a classic Sunday roast on the evening.

Sure, Jackson's townly pub was a great way to pass the time but it didn't have the character that most taverns oozed. The majority of people in Jackson you knew and most conversations were far from enjoyable and for the cherry on top; Seth managed it.

Both you and Ellie loved to discuss what life must have been like before it all went to shit, pestering Joel for new stories and filling in the information that the books just couldn't provide.

"You know, I never thought about doing this." You spoke out carefully picking up a photograph that was gathering dust on the floor. Pictured was two women, one was smiling as the other kissed her on the cheek. Your heart fluttered at their happiness yearning for the life they once had.

The two doors slammed abruptly. The bang shocking you out of your trance. Ellie huffed looking over at you, "What, going to a tavern?" You laughed at how silly it sounded.

You lightly placed the photograph on one of the tables and returned her gaze. "Well, I always imagined it in certain scenarios before the infected but I always thought it was just pointless in the world we live in now."

"I mean most booze is just plain off limits and you're afraid to get drunk just in case infected comes wandering in."

"Hm, yeah I can see that.” Ellie trailed off walking further into the building. “But you can relax ‘cause I've got them covered." Ellie exclaimed slamming her bag onto the center table. Her eyes squinted at the impact as she unzipped her bag, "Shit, I forgot I had these in there for a second."

You scoffed a smile stretching on your lips as you eagerly watched her pull out two full bottles of alcohol and rest them on the table. "Okay, so that is one problem solved." You side-glanced at the double doors you just came in through, "What about the infected?"

Ellie turns to you while dramatically rolling her eyes, "You having me here is that problem solved." You stared at her dumbfounded, "What?" Ellie asked, loosening the cap on one of the bottles.

"I'm just waiting for the part where you say 'I'm joking'." Ellie scoffed as she opened the bottle.

"I'm guessing you don't want some then?" She taunted dangling the bottle in front of you.

You looked down at the bottle a smile growing on your face at Ellie's teasing. Provoking her you lowered your voice, "You gonna try and stop me?" You edged forward minimizing the gap between your bodies.

You lightly put your hand over Ellie's and gripped the bottle. Her eyes shooting upwards to meet yours staring curiously before speaking up, "Only if you want me to." She whispered with a mischievous glint in her eye. You couldn't understand her. Yes, you may have flirted first but you weren't expecting her to acknowledge it, never mind entertain it.

You quickly pulled the glass bottle from her grip and pressed it to your lips. Succumbing yourself to the burning sensation as it travelled down your throat. "Too slow." You grumbled handing back the bottle. Ellie laughed as you grimaced at the flavour failing to hide your distaste, "That is vile, fucking hell." You choked, holding your throat.

"Well, you don't exactly drink it for the taste." She commented, taking a sip herself.

"Cut me some slack, I haven't touched alcohol since I left." You wandered over to the bar sitting on one of the stools. You sighed, observing the shelves with broken glasses and more beautifully carved wood.

"I wouldn't even class myself as a sociable person but I would love to just meet new people, get shit faced and make a fool out of myself dancing to cringy pop music." You gushed turning around to Ellie. She was staring down at the bottle as if she couldn't hear you.

"Ellie?" Her head shot up as if her mind was previously elsewhere.

You lightly patted the stool next to you, "I don't even care about the infected anymore, let's get absolutely wasted." The softness in her eyes returned as she looked back at you making your chest tighten.

With no mixers you both were practically taking mini-shots of pure alcohol and having barely anything to line your stomachs beforehand, you both were for sure on cloud nine.

Giggling, you clumsily placed your hand on Ellie's shoulder shaking her lightly, "Remember on your birthday when I was walking you back home and you had wayyy too much to drink that night."

"You-" Cutting yourself off from laughing struggling to catch your breath, "You fell into one of the greenhouses and crushed all the cabbages."

Ellie burst out laughing nearly knocking over the glass bottles you both were very much enjoying.

"It was your fucking fault Maria knew it was me!" Ellie cried out poking your arm, "She had all the people from my party that night lined up and as soon as she said my name you burst out laughing!"

"I-I'm sorry!" You managed to get out. You clasped your hand over hers still failing to calm down your laughter, "I just kept replaying the moment in my head of you tripping over a cabbage and then she said your name-" You stumbled forward briskly falling off the stool and practically into Ellie's lap.

Your laughter was quickly cut off by you groaning, "Uhh, fuck my head." You complained into her clothes. Pushing yourself back you leaned both palms on her torso, your head dizzy from the drink.

Ellie was observing you clearly amused at your drunken state. Your eyes widened as you glanced up. Fuck. You almost sobered up there and then.

You and Ellie's faces were merely inches away from each other.

You sucked in your breath as you locked eyes. You swore you saw her eyes darken as she briefly glanced down at your lips. Your heart thudded against your chest as she began moving at an agonizingly slow pace towards you.

You dared to move hope cascading through your body, "Ellie..I-" You were cut off by her softly pressing her lips onto yours. Heat radiated through your body as she cupped your face pulling you into her your movements getting more eager by the second.

She pulls you up stabilizing you on your feet but never breaking the kiss. You wondered if she could hear your heartbeat and hear how much you want her. How much you have wanted her.

A shiver sped down your spine as her hands left your face and travelled further down your upper-body.

Ellie nuzzled into your neck her lips pecking at your skin until they quickly turned into hickeys. Her touch was intoxicating as she sucked at the skin. You tipped your head back, a light moan escaping from your lips.

This earned a deep chuckle from Ellie as she parted from your neck and came face to face with you again.

Soaking in the memory of you leaning against the bar. Your shirt and hair disheveled with her love bites painting your neck.

You couldn't understand why she had this effect on you. Still, you couldn't help but want her.

Guilt filled your mind as Dina appeared in your thoughts. You felt awful. You looked down at your shirt and quickly fixed it up scared somebody was going to catch you in such a comprising state.

"W-we should go." You stuttered, grabbing both your bags from the bar ledge. You clumsily marched over to Ellie pushing her bag to her stomach. You were still very much drunk but the guilt was eating away at you sobering you up by the minute.

"What- Are you okay? I thought-"

"We shouldn't have done that." You shut her down bluntly. Ellie looked stunned for a second but then quickly regained herself.

Ellie barged past you anger radiating from her body.

You felt awful but you weren't sure which part was making you feel worse. Betraying Dina like that completely went against your moral compass but on the other hand you would never dream of hurting Ellie and seeing her visibly upset stung.

You walked purposely far behind her. The silence causing an eerie tension to build up between you too.

You don't want Ellie to hate you but you didn't want a relationship built on lies. Ellie wasn't the easiest to have an adult conversation with. She would always start raising her voice or just storm off in fustration. You will admit that this situation was your fault but you were terrified of being rejected. Again.

You pushed through the overgrown terrain being careful to survey your surroundings. The drink was still noticeably in your system as you swayed into a tree. You scrunched your eyes shut harshly rubbing the impacted area of your forehead.

Opening your eyes, you spotted a figure in the distance twitching and spewing deep, inaudible sounds. Your eyes quickly darted around to find Ellie. You leaned forward and found her walking through the dimly lit forest, smacking the bushes as she trudged through.

"Psst, Ellie!" You whispered flailing your arms above your head hoping she'll see you from the corner of her eye.

Ellie stopped, turning around like a spoilt child, "I really don’t-!" You abruptly put a finger to your mouth and pointed over at the runner. She turned her head in the same direction and on instinct her hands went straight for her bow.

The runner twitched in aggravation, failing to react to your and Ellie's hideous attempts at miming to each other a plan. You use to work so well together and now it was like you didn't speak the same language.

You huffed pulling out the dagger attached to your thigh. Taking the lead you began to creep up behind the runner, slowing your pace at any frantic movements. Once you were at an arm’s length from its body you lifted your arm up and in that split second it was dead.

Your eyes widened as it's body slumped to the ground before you. An arrow. A few inches from your face penetrated the runners brain. Your arm was still in the air frozen in place.

Did she really just fucking do that?

Your head shot in the direction of Ellie throwing your arms down in rage, "What is wrong with you!" You yelled anger coating your words.

Ellie had just finished putting the bow around her body and crossed her arms in defiance, “I don’t know, (Y/N). Maybe it's because you were taking your sweet goddamn time."

You gasped in disbelief marching over to her, "You could've put a fucking arrow through my head, are you insane?"

Ellie rolled her eyes casually brushing the hair out of her face, "Stop being dramatic."

"Ellie, the arrow was-" you motioned a small gap between your two fingers, "-that far away from me. I think I have the right to be dramatic."

The walk back was practically silent unless you count the muttering you were doing about how Ellie was drunk and still decided on shooting an arrow that close to your skull.

You were staying at Jesse's place for the time being. He was kind enough to give you and Mike his two spare rooms.

Mike was currently off getting accounted with the people of Jackson. He already seemed to be hitting it off with Tommy.

From what you were told there was a small gathering going on and Mike was pestering you to join him. The only problem is that you couldn't control the painful throbbing sensation that plagued your skull. Gotta love the after affects of drinking.

You laid awake staring at the pale white ceiling attempting to push your headache aside and replay the events of this afternoon. Ellie instigated it. Ellie was the one who kissed you but you never viewed Ellie as a cheater. Her loyalty was so unwavering it just felt so out of character. You fidgeted laying on your side unable to get comfortable when a loud knock echoed throughout the building.

You sat up in confusion quickly scrambling out of bed. You seethed as your bare feet hit the cold wood. Oh, what you would give to experience central heating.

Running down the flight of stairs you opened the door with remarkable speed being met with a clearly startled Ellie.

"Ellie?" You questioned leaning out the door and looking both ways, "Is everything okay?" You said stepping back wrapping your arms around your torso.

Ellie looked you up and down nodding as she walked inside abruptly shutting the door behind her, "I'm losing my mind, (Y/N)." Your lips tightened not understanding her statement, "I can't act like that didn't just happen today." She explained pacing within the corridor.

You stood there blind sighted. You hadn't prepared for this conversation so soon, "I really don't think-" Ellie's eyes interlocked with yours and suddenly your mouth slammed shut. Suddenly you didn’t know what to say.

Ellie walked over to you her pace slowing the closer she got. She then softly placed her palm onto the side of your face and stroked your cheek with her thumb. Her touch was tender. It took ever fiber in your body to not lean into her hand and melt into a puddle there and then, "You have to tell me if I'm too late, if you've already made up your mind."

"What?" You muttered searching her face for the answers to her mindless rambling.

You leaned forward your noses barely touching as your eyes roamed over one another. You were fixated on her studying every freckle on her face, all the beautiful shades of green that lurked within her eyes.

You hesitated as Ellie leaned in. A light gasp being the only thing that could be heard.

Until it wasn't.

Faint voices could be heard just outside the front door. A loud, hearty laugh booming throughout the streets of Jackson. A laugh that you have become quite familiar with.

You took a step back away from Ellie just as the front door swung open. A visibly tipsy Mike stumbling through.

One of the other residents was helping him through the doorway. A youngish guy around the same age as you. You quickly ran over to Mike taking him from the young guys hold and thanked him.

"I'll speak to you tomorrow, goodnight mate!" Mike shouted hanging out the door. You pushed him inside cringing at how loud he was being. You almost forgot Ellie was in the house until you turned around seeing both Mike and Ellie staring at each other.

Mike was in the middle of straightening his posture and Ellie looked hostile.

What the fuck is going on?

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Holy shii- it’s nearly the end of this series :O! I don’t think this chapter is one of my best but hay ho.

The next part is the last - very emotional - but I hope you enjoyed this new part and thank you so much for the ongoing support! :)

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taglist; @daddy-jareau @hallows3ve @galacticstxrdust @elliesslut @tomorrowillbecrucified @yamayaki @parkersmyth

#ellie williams #the last of us #ellie williams x reader #ellie x reader #tlou2 #tlou

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doulayogimama · 4 months

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The grocery store is literally a 1 minute walk from our apartment, so I went downstairs to get the coffee pods needed for the machine we have.

It’s an overcast week, but as I was walking down the street I heard so many seagulls and when I looked up there were a handful flying through the air above me. I grew up in Miami, I’ve seen sea gulls, obviously lol but the only way I can explain the difference is that these seagulls are like the ones that are in The Little Mermaid. North American seagulls don’t look / sound quite like these do and I can’t even explain it, but it was like a siren song in my soul hearing THESE seagulls. So lovely ✨

I don’t think I could live on a different continent from our families now that we’re all the way over here. I could’ve done it (and did) when I wasn’t a parent, but I can’t do this parenthood thing without at least SOME family around / nearby.

So while I really thought we’d end up moving to EU and I’ll never say never, I don’t think this trip will result in a move here. Even if Spain knocked my socks off, I can just already feel the lack of family in my life (fewer phone calls because of time difference, not seeing anyone in person) and Sky’s life and it’s not worth it long term for me.

Kevin’s parents love to travel but they’re 70/67 years old. They’re not in good shape to boot. They can’t be world traveling much longer. They have an Australia trip planned this year because they know, it’s now or never. They won’t be able to make that journey in 5-10 years. My 77 yo Mimi can barely be on a flight for 3 hours because of her back / knee issues. Miami to Barcelona is 10 hours.

Still really grateful to my self for allowing this curiosity. For making my wants to travel during this season of life a priority. This trip is a gift to myself. For everything I went through during my HG pregnancy, for the missed birth of my daughter, my Covid labor experience, for the horrible 2 years of PPD that followed. This trip is about breathing life back into myself. Reminding myself that I am indeed alive, and not just barely surviving each day of monotony. It’s a privilege to be able to give this to myself (I know, my years of destitution will never be lost on me) and I’m eternally grateful.

#europe 2023 #portugal

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olderthannetfic · 1 year

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Alright I got kinda a bananas questions for you, but how much time do you think should be divided up between work, hobbies and people. Actually wait more specifically what do you think is a good goal to just sit down and do work, but like actually doing work. Like sitting down for 90 minutes and finishing something not working on said thing for 5 hours then finish it. Over the past couple years I kinda erm, just sorta stopped? My mental health has steadily going to shit and covid fucked that all to hell and I was spending so much time in what was essentially a state of panic(didn’t realize it at the time, but that’s essentially what was happening) that I was too exhausted to do anything and just kind of stopped. I didn’t realize it the time but now that I’m finally getting better Ive noticed how little I was doing and how doing little really negatively effects me. Its become a good marker for me to check that I’ve been actually painting, seeing friends, going for a swim but sometimes it still all goes belly up and I’m trying to figure out what is a good goal.(and whats a good marker for when fucking up) Like a realistic long term goal I can strive for and keep track of. I could real easily just say “go for a swim everyday” but that feels unrealistic. In fact I put exercise in same spot as painting so it would be more like “do hobby for an hour a day” but even that feels like a lot. The thought of that feels exhausting so at least for me it should probs be do hobby thing at least 5 times week. Big goal is to swim 3 times and paint twice or vice a versa. its just hard to do that and then I’ll feel like crap and then notice that I haven’t exercised at all for 8 days and I just don’t move around enough to do that. I’m like a dog or walking house plant that needs to go outside and move around for sunshine and blood flow otherwise I start to physically and mentally feel awful. Its just hard to notice you know? Ugh its annoying because there’s so much shit. Its not just that I need some kinda exercise I also need to do some kinda hobby thing for me and other shit that I like to do. And that isn’t even including the work I need to do. I wasn’t even working before I cannot express enough how much of “doing nothing” I was doing. I’m doing better know with meds and therapy and what not and it is helping but I’ll still get home at 7 and just look at my phone and do some combo of read fanfictin/ play sudoko till I get tired and fall asleep. Then I wake up and shocking, I’m still on bullshit. Sometimes its feels to much to shower (at least with that one I know that I can get away with one at most 2 days with out shower so if I didn’t shower the day before I can mostly just force myself into the shower) that’s what I’m trying to figure out for everything else so I can look at my self force my self to stop looking at phone and paint a shitty flower or something. I was doing pretty good but The other week I house sitter for a friend and was immediately back on bullshit. I barely left her apartment the entire time I was there I’m sure that if I actually went to class, got exercise, painted (I brought all my paints then did fuck all) I would have been able to get more work done. I think Im only actually productive when I’m actually getting up and doing crap. I’m in a contact state of “working” and doing nothing but time is moving forward. I have no idea what this anon is. Ugh whatever I’ll submit it anyway

TL;DR trying to be better at actually do stuff and not doing fuck all. Any idea on what’s a good goal to strive for and what’s a good marker for shits getting fuck go for a walk

Social time is going to be extremely variable. I'm an extrovert and thus lots of social time is no problem. I also do okay not seeing people though as long as I'm busy.

Exercise should be prioritized above most other things, much as I hate this. You should be doing something basically every day. I agree that swimming is likely not realistic on that schedule, but maybe a walk around the block? It sucks, but forcing yourself to get off your ass every day will help with the rest of it. Also, exercise that takes you out of the house, even if only briefly, requires that you put on clothes, which is also helpful.

Get off of social media. If you're having trouble managing things, now is the time to take a break from anything that involves doom scrolling and time just disappearing.

(I say from my bed where I'm wearing the dirty sweatshirt I slept in and no pants while answering asks instead of working on my next novel. Hmm...)

It's obviously important to you to prioritize painting, but I see the difficulty there: you have to get set up and clean up afterwards, and you can't leave paints sitting around or they dry out. I'd try to schedule one longer session per week for now. If you have something else like sketching, you can schedule more frequent shorter sessions because that's easier to pick up and put down without a lot of prep/cleanup.

I do find little morning rituals like making tea helpful. They pry me out of bed and add some structure to my day.

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