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polaroidcats · 7 months

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Ugly crying & the marauders generation - a pseudo-scientific approach (my marauders crying PhD abstract)

Abstract

In recent days, there have been a variety of claims as to who the prettiest and ugliest crier in the marauders generation could be. This paper aims to address the recent surge in opinions on the matter, and categorize different approaches as well as add a new approach to the scientific examination of ugliness/prettiness when it comes to crying. I hope to provide readers with an overview of the current state of research and encourage all marauders scholars to add their own and I intend to make a contribution to the discourse by committing to the bit and writing a pseudo-academic paper about it instead of actually working on my thesis.

Introduction

In the following paper, the discourse about 5 marauders era characters will be examined in regards to their various levels of perceived ugliness whilst crying. Scholars who may ask why Peter [Pettigrew] is not included in this analysis are advised to refer to acclaimed marauders ugly crying scholar @lynxindisguise's (2023) original poll on the popular blogging website "tumblr.com" which did not include Peter, but rather two non-marauders characters named Lily and Regulus. This paper will follow that approach, since Peter is the nastiest skank bitch I have ever met, I do not trust him and he is a fugly slut. The characters included in this approach are as follows: James Potter, Lily Evans, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Regulus Black.

Following the scientific criteria for ugly crying, as stated by lynxindisguise et. al (2023), the question of the ugliest crier can be answered by observing the crying person and assessing their ugly-levels on the following parameters: (1) unbecoming facial expressions, (2) facial swelling/blotching, (3) unsettling noises, (4) snot factor, (5) tear volume, (6) general loss of dignity, (7) glistening eyes/lashes, (8) Victorian heroine factor, (9) elegant tear-wiping, (10) post-cry glow (ibid).

Criteria (1)-(6) can be categorized as the ugly crying parameters whereas (7)-(10) are pretty crying parameters, creating a false binary between ugly and pretty crying, which may be problematised and addressed in another the paper. In contrast to lynxindisguise’s original 10 criteria to measure the aesthetics of crying, this paper proposes to add (11) explosiveness of cry as another ugly crying parameter, in order to get a more clear assessment of where on the ugly-pretty crying scale a character falls.

The ugly crying parameters

(1) Unbecoming facial expressions

James Potter is mentioned in this category by several marauders scholars: @jaylienpotter talks about his red face and ugly sobbing, @artbyace mentions his “scrunched up cry face” and @sectoren claimes “james (…) is that one handsome guy that when the waterworks get going becomes like. Cartoonishly ugly”, raising the question of upkeeping toxic masculinity in order to avoid having to witness more of James Potter’s crying “mug”.

Though James Potter features heavily in this category, another character who is also mentioned just as often is Remus Lupin: @kaaaaaaarf, @appreciatedmoron and @http-starboy all emphasise that Remus Lupin is the one with a red and blotchy face.

(2) facial swelling/blotching

While there is a definitive overlap between the categories of facial swelling/blotching, unbecoming facial expressions and snot factor, Sirius’ and Regulus’ victorian heroine complexions, which give them an advantage in the homonymous category, may be to their disadvantage in the “blotching” category. This will require further research by other scholars.

(3) unsettling noises

James Potter is mentioned in this category by Jaylienpotter (2023), claiming he not only hiccups when crying but also that “his cries are one of the most heartbreaking things you’ll ever hear” and similarly, artbyace states that “James loves and feels so loudly”, whereas “Sirius is silent”, both sentiments are reminiscent of znelda’s (2023) statements that James “was allowed to feel his emotions freely in a loving household” and “Sirius (…) [is] used to hide [his] feelings and [has] become stoic”.

With several other scholars, among them also @jamesunderwater (2023) raising the point that James may be the ugliest crier due to him being “the only one well adjusted enough to have access to his feelings” this raises the question of possibly introducing another category, maybe of emotional awareness/stability to be able to measure this parameter more efficiently, though emotional vulnerability may also just be a part of the unsettling noises parameter, suggesting that there is a correlation between noisiness and the existing environment being welcoming to and accepting of various expressions of emotions.

(4) snot factor

The most popular winner in the snot factor category seems to be Remus Lupin, with several scholars agreeing that his sobs are the dampest and snottiest out of all the candidates. kaaaaaaarf (2023) writes “he turnes all red and blochty and snot drips out of his nose (…) he cant (sic) not cry with his mouth open as well so there is a lot of spit”, and appreciatedmoron (2023) agrees with kaaaaaaarf on this.

It only seems right to me to include spit in the snot category as well, seeing as they’re both crying-related bodily fluids that add to the ugly-cry factor. http-starboy (2023) also mentions snot in regards to Remus Lupin, which compared to both their comments in (1) opens up the question of how unbecoming facial expressions, more particularly redness of the face and snot factor may be related, as several authors seem to write about both specifically in relation to each other. Whether this is just pure coincidence or not would need further research, for which we currently do not have enough funding. This is only one of the many research gaps in the relatively new field of marauder’s ugly crying studies, which cannot fully be addressed in this paper.

James Potter is also mentioned in the snot category, namely by the marauders scholar artbyace (2023).

(5) tear volume

Artbyace (2023) claims James Potter is “full on bawling” which can only be assumed to refer to tear volume, but the most convincing argument for tear volume comes from the acclaimed marauders scholar @fruityindividual (2023), stating that “tsunami warning tones go off in sirius’ brain anytime remus is close 2 (sic) tears” which already indicates high levels of tear volumes. The author then goes on to specify the volume by claiming that “indeed the ocean wishes rj lupin would jump in and help contribute 2 (sic) rising sea levels”, further emphasizing the volume of Remus's tears.

(6) general loss of dignity

@pastaplatypus (2023) writes about James Potter not being able to do a Melodramatic Bollywood Cry, which is perceived as inherently racist by the crier.

I would like to argue that Sirius Black also deserves to be mentioned in this category. While as of today, with less than 1 hour left to vote, 15.5% of voters agree that Sirius is the ugliest crier, the more outspoken voices all argue for different ugly criers. Due to their upbringing, I am tempted to name both Black brothers in the “loss of dignity” category and look forward to reading future contributions to this discussion.

The pretty crying parameters

(7) glistening eyes/lashes

Undoubtedly Sirius Black deserves to be mentioned in this category. I believe his dark lashes and glimmering eyes are part of what makes him the prettiest crier. Whereas Remus’s eyes also sometimes glisten or appear red, and it is usually attributed to be caused by drug consumption, which more often than not is a wrong assumption, but he happily goes along with the pretense of being a weed-smoking bad boy in order to hide his ugly crying damp tendencies.

(8) Victorian heroine factor

It almost seems superfluous to even mention Sirius (and, to a lesser degree, Regulus) Black in this category. This category was made for Sirius, as is apparent when reading lynxindisguises (2023) description of the victorian heroine factor, in response to a question by the scholar @plecotusauritus:

“the Victorian Heroine Factor is a deeply scientific assessment of the Vibes. Is this person giving tragically beautiful, windswept Victorian Heroine, sobbing gently into their hands while sprawled across a boulder or a well or a fountain of some sort? When they look up at you, do their tear-plumped lips part elegantly as a single tear slides down their cheek?”

(9) elegant tear-wiping

There hasn't been a lot of research in this area, but I would like to propose handkerchiefs with embroidered initials and family crests as another potential factor in favor of the Black brothers scoring high marks in this category as well as the Victorian heroine factor.

(10) post-cry glow

Artbyace (2023) claims “lily is always beautiful (…) even when crying”, which is echoed by znelda’s (2023) earlier claim that “Lily (…) [is] a woman and no woman is ugly when crying.”

Sirius is the other popular choice by marauders scholars for this category, with @in-flvx (2023) stating that he “handsomely handsomes while dying after 12 years of torture hell and another year in shackles”, which would mean that “a few tears would[n’t] stop him from being the hottest person in the room at all times” (ibid).

Additional parameters

I am suggesting to introduce an additional metric in order to further specify and better assess the ugly-crying levels:

(11) explosiveness of cry

@felixantares (2023) introduces the idea that Remus “is the type that very few people have been seen cry because he ignores every difficult emotion hes (sic) ever had (…) and it all explodes at once and its horrible to watch when he breaks down”, a sentiment shared by several of the other authors mentioned above in various other categories.

Further opinions & conclusions

The most popular consensus seems to be that Sirius cannot be the ugliest crier, sometimes also in direct comparison to his brother: @spindrifters (2023) answers the question of the ugliest crier with “obviously it’s regulus”, elaborating that “at least [it’s] definitely not sirius bc (sic) reg is canonically less handsome in all ways” which brings up the question if regular beauty plays into ugly crying. This is contrasted by lynxindisguises argument, that Sirius may be an ugly crier because he’s so gorgeous, and his ugly crying subverts the expectations of beauty:

“the most beautiful man alive looks hideous while crying, and his deeply awkward and perpetually damp bf (sic) is literally in his element while crying – dampness becomes him, you might say.”

This statement raises yet another question – does regular crying make the crier more or less ugly? Can an ugly crier become a pretty crier by practice or are we all born either ugly or pretty criers, condemned to this fate for life?

While this paper has given an overview of the current state of research to ugly crying/pretty crying, it has also raised many more questions. Other topics which may be addressed in future papers also include the philosophical question whether ugly crying is in the eye of the beholder and if it is possible to ugly cry without being perceived, and if it is possible to ugly cry if the person perceiving you doesn’t find it ugly. Since the research field of ugly crying is a relatively new one, we can only hope to read many more opinions on these and other topics in the future, and I look forward to reading different scholar’s approaches to these highly relevant topics.

#marauders #idek what to tag this as lol #i don't write fic i only write pseudo scientific papers on fandom analysis (apparently) lol i had so much fun writing this #even if just 1 person reads it i'll be happy i know it's ridiculous #scientific analysis of ugly crying #akso i tried to tag everyone i mentioned to make it feel more like i'm actually quoting them (which i am) but if anyone doesn't want to be #tagged in this lmk and i'll remove it haha #anyways okay i'll post it now #this is what happens when i go on tumblr during work hours and then keep thinking about how much more fun editing papers would be if they #were about the marauders instead of the things i have to read/edit at work #hp #remus lupin #sirius black #james potter #lily evans #regulus black #(this thing has almost 2k words and i wrote it in 2-3hours)#idek what that says about me #that this is how i chose to spend my tuesday evening #but i love it

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bimoonphases · 2 months

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@wolfstarmicrofic March 1 – prompt 1: Aparecium – word count 558

Aparecium - Reveals secret, written messages

It had always been like this between the two of them, since their first year at Hogwarts. When their respective birthdays approached, they wrote down what they would give the other as a gift somewhere and the birthday boy had the right to search for it everywhere he wanted. If he found the note, he could change the gift if he didn’t like it and the other had to get him that. Of course, the list had to be completed weeks before the actual birthday.

“Prongs, please, can you not do this?”

“Keep the door close Remus,” James said. “Peter’s keeping him busy with a game of chess but you know he has no patience,” he added as he meticulously went through every pillow on Sirius’s four-poster bed in search of the note.

“Why do you even need to find that note?” Remus sighed. “You two know each other so well you never got even one gift wrong since you met.”

“It’s exactly that,” James answered, now palming under the covers. “I don’t want him to get me a gift this year.”

“What?”

“Come on, Moony,” James got up from the bed before kneeling to look under it. “He turned up at my house this summer, he’s been officially part of the family since then.”

“I know,” Remus nodded, the tale of the night Sirius had showed up with only his wand and traces of an Unforgivable Curse all over him at the Potters’ still sending shivers down his spine.

“That’s my birthday gift,” James went on, now basically under the bed. “He doesn’t have to give me anything else, having him as a brother is more than enough.”

“That’s… Very sweet, Prongs.”

“Ha! Here it is!”

James remerged with a piece of parchment in his hand and Remus craned his neck from the door to look.

“It’s blank” he said.

“No one hides a blank piece of parchment, Moony,” James rolled his eyes and pointed his wand at it. “Aparecium! See? There’s a whole list! Book: just check he doesn’t own it already. It’s a bit vague but I have a lot of Quiddich manuals I guess. Chocolate. That’s more your thing than mine, Moony, but alright.”

“Uhm, James?”

“I wonder if he circled which one he decided on…” James went on. “Flowers: be careful not to accidentally get wolfsbane. He must’ve remembered my rant about why can’t boys get other boys flowers as gifts, and of course we wouldn’t want to have anything that could harm you in the dorm, Moony.”

“James…”

“Hold on, this one’s crossed out… Ring: too soon. Okay, this one doesn’t make sense, I don’t wear rings. Get his name tattooed. He’s probably already getting my surname when the paperwork goes through, he doesn’t have to get it tattooed... I mean, I know how much he loves tattoos but this one’s a bit excessive in my opinion.”

“James…”

“I’m sure he chose the last one, it’s underlined but he wrote in such a tiny handwriting… Wait in his bed naked and-“

“James!”

James looked up at Remus, noticing his friend was now a deep shade of red. He mumbled something, pointing at the list.

“What?”

“My birthday is before yours, Prongs,” Remus repeated.

James’s brain, busy wondering why on earth would he want his soon-to-be-brother naked in his bed finally clicked.

“Oh.”

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remuslupinslittleslut · 6 months

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I don't want them to be sad and dead we're all so delusional why not just decide that they're alive and well and happy and it's oOkay.

cw: everyone lives, nobody dies, wolfstar, jegulus.

November 3d, 1993. “Shhh, Prongs, you’ll wake him”, Sirius can hear the scolding in Remus’ voice. He’s missed this, has gone 12 years without it, thinking he’d never get this back.

“D’you have the presents”, Jame’s asks, lifting the cake and gesturing for Remus to take the tray with tea, juice, candles, and fresh flowers.

“Yeah, got them.”

As the door opens, Remus coming through first, the three men break out in song, “Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you…”

Sirius sits up in the bed, taking the tray from Remus and receiving a kiss. James places the cake on the bedside table before jumping onto the bed, giving the complementary birthday hugs, while Regulus drops the gifts onto the bed by Sirius’ feet.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY PADSY”, James is loud, kissing his face. Remus is cutting up the cake, ready to feed it to him, oh God, he hasn’t felt like this in so long, “open your gifts”, James says.

“Yeah, open your gifts, birthday boy”, says Regulus, pushing at his brother’s leg, “Harry sent you a card.”He feels like he doesn’t really deserve to feel this good and okay after all that’s happened. But they’re all here now, and Remus is kissing him and James is lying next to him like all his other birthdays and Regulus is here, looking uncomfortable but he’s here, giving him presents and eating cake and wearing a silly birthday hat and oh god here comes the tears, he’s so happy but it’s so much just too much but oh it’s okay because they’re all here now.

#amathelia writes #mywriting #fanfic #james potter #remus lupin #sirius black #regulus black #wolfstar #jegulus #thinking about the marauders #i love them #they're okay #happy late bday

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otrtbs · 1 year

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The thing about the "I love you, that's all." in Art Heist, Baby! really is this moment of reflection for both James and Regulus at separate times and in separate places.

They're both grappling with impending death and taking stock of their lives. All the things they've said and done and all the things they'll never say and all the people they'll never see. It's a jumble of all the could've, should've, would've's in their mind but one thought shines through the clearest.

Love.

That's what they both want to leave with. That's what they want to take with them when they go. In the end, that's all that really matters. They had loved each other and been loved in return. Through crimes and heists and tumultuous families and soul-killing bank jobs, they loved each other. That's what mattered.

That's all.

#like #regulus in his final moments can reflect on what he's accomplished and what he's done #he wanted fame and eternal glory and to go down in history #but when he's actually forced to think of the summation of his life he doesn't care about any of that #when he asks himself what he has done the answer is love #james is the same way in the car chase #love is what it all boils down to #i like to think that ahb! is a story about love first and everything else second #not even just jegulus but like marlene and james and remus and james and regulus and his team and evan and barty and regulus #okay im done im done #i've just been thinking thoughts #art heist baby!#ramblings

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seriousbrat · 1 month

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Hi! I'm interested in your thoughts about Sirius from the tags of your Lily post... What makes you think he didn't understand the consequences of the prank?

ty for asking! I mean mostly the fact that he never shows any real remorse for it. I'm not saying that he didn't feel guilty for hurting Remus, I think he did-- and I also think that academically, intellectually, he understood it was wrong. But in SWM we see it doesn't really change anything about his behaviour. And why would it? There weren't any real consequences for what amounts to attempted murder. He still makes a flip comment about being bored and wishing it were full moon, he's still pretty disdainful towards Remus. Even as an adult, in the confrontation between Snape and Sirius in grimmauld place he behaves extremely threateningly towards Snape, and speaks pretty negatively/unremorsefully about him unlike Remus who tries (likely out of guilt) to maintain civility.

also:

James doesn't really display any remorse in SWM either, but well first of all it wasn't his fault and he actually did the right thing in his situation, and second-- both James and Sirius are a product of their circumstances. James grew up in a loving household with at least a father who had very Gryffindor-ish ideals. That's why I think James saving Snape wasn't just about protecting Remus like many people do, I think it was simply that the moral code instilled in him from childhood wouldn't have allowed him to let Snape die even if Remus hadn't been involved. Yeah this is an inherent contradiction considering James is also willing to torment and bully Snape, but those sorts of contradictions exist in people. Furthermore, I also think in a twisted way it was his "moral code" that justified his bullying in his mind. Snape=Slytherin=Dark Arts=Bad, therefore attacking him=good. This is a very black and white form of thinking common in teenagers.

On the other hand, Sirius grew up in a house where dead house-elves were mounted and stuffed on the walls. There are several murderers in his family tree, and his parents are proud when Regulus becomes a Death Eater. I think his ideas of right and wrong are much more confused. Cruelty is what he's grown up with. I'm not saying Sirius is an inherently cruel person either, just that it's been much more normalised in his life than it has for James. We see him being pretty casually cruel to his friends in SWM, and you'd think that if he felt guilt for what he did to Snape he'd be at least a bit nicer to/about him as an adult. 'we were idiots' is kind of an understatement given Sirius nearly killed him. Unlike James, Sirius (and Remus interestingly enough) isn't above cold-blooded murder if there's motive enough, as evidenced by his attempted murder of Peter. Which is very arguably justified, but Harry's right imo that James wouldn't do it.

See also: this post about Sirius being mean, and this one on why I think SWM coming after the prank makes sense

#remus also is the one who encourages harry to be okay with killing death eaters in DH. thinking about that rn!#this is not meant to be anti sirius i love him!!! but he's definitely got a darkness that harry and james lack #which again makes sense given what he came from #sirius black #sirius #meta

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