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wienerbarnes · 3 years

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Italian Heart

Pairing: Bucky x Italian!MobBoss!Reader

Word Count: 4,867

Warnings: canon level violence, possible inaccurate italian slang lol

A/N: ive been watching a lot of the sopranos lately and i feel like ive never seen a bucky x mob boss reader au (ive only rlly seen em where buckys the mob boss. if there are ones where reader is the mob boss PLS SEND EM TO ME I BEG) a lot of the slang and mob stuff here is from sopranos bc... im not in the fucking mafia so forgive me anyway enjoy :)<3

MAIN MASTERLIST

Bucky’s never seen a woman quite like yourself.

Dressed in expensive satin and jewelry that hangs between your breasts, an angry look on your face at the fact you’re sitting before him and Sam in an interrogation room in the tower. Freshly done nails, clean and crisp lipstick, spicy perfume, and an expression of annoyance.

As put together as you look, you don’t look like someone to be fucked with. Which, he supposes is good for a mobster; the Boss of Newark.

Looking at you, though, he’d never thought you to be such a figure of intimidation. While the mafia is still alive, despite how the media tries to deny this, he always pictured an old Italian man that chain smokes cigars. He doesn’t think he’s too far off, to his credit; he can smell the remnants of smoke on you.

“Mind if we make this fast? My cousin’s comin’ for dinner and I was gonna make ziti.” You huff, crossing your legs under the table.

“Sounds delicious. Sorry for dragging you all the way out here.” Sam says, a calm look on his face even though he’s well aware of what you’re capable of.

When hunting down the last traces of the super soldier serum, he never thought Nick Fury himself would suggest getting in touch with you. He didn’t think it was worth the time to question how the two of you knew each other.

Theft. Drugs. Murder. Bribery. The list goes on, and there’s not a single thing that ties you to any of it.

A shrug of your shoulders, “So, what exactly is this about?” You ask.

“What is it that you do for a living?” Sam asks.

“I work in waste management.” You respond, a rehearsed answer.

Not exactly a lie, the environmental facility you manage is one of hundreds of covers used by your crew for your crimes. Environmental facilities, deli shops, strip clubs, auto shops. There isn’t a business in Jersey you aren’t tied to.

“Waste management? Like, garbage disposal?” Bucky asks, knowing exactly what it is you do for work.

You smirk, “Yeah, we dispose of garbage sometimes. What’s that got to do with me being here?”

“It’s to my understanding that you’re in the business of… buying and selling things. You and… the people you hang around got a real knack for it.” Sam tells you.

Bucky holds back a roll of his eyes. More like stealing and selling. Expensive Italian suits, antique watches, cars, electronics, illegal cigars. Who knows what else.

“I don’t know where you heard that… but I’m a popular gal, maybe I know a guy who might know a guy. What are you lookin’ for?” You ask.

You know this game, after being in the mob for so long. After being a part of your own crew for years, your patience and hard work paid off, working your way up to a captain and finally a boss. It didn’t take you long to learn in this business that government officials are jokes. Always wanting to bust my balls and then come crying to my corner for help, it’s a bunch of ugatz.

“Serums.” Bucky finally speaks.

A laugh escapes you, “What, like vitamin C?” You teasingly smirk at him.

His chair makes a loud sound in the small room as he pushes it back harshly and stands, resting his hands on the table in between the two of you. You don’t flinch.

“Enough with the bullshit. Super serums. To create super soldiers. We need to get them before they end up in the wrong hands and make a big ass mess.” He snaps at you, but you don’t seem phased in the slightest. In fact, you seem rather amused.

“You must have a lot of agita with all that anger, Sergeant Barnes.”

He doesn’t hold back this time and rolls his eyes before you speak up again, “Your first name is James, isn’t it? Ain’t that Italian?”

“No, it’s English. Or Scottish. Or Jewish - I don’t know, who cares? Are you gonna help us or not?” Bucky takes his seat again, crossing his thick arms over his broad chest.

“What’s in it for me?” You ask, leaning back in your chair.

“Not being arrested for all the shit we know you’re caught up in.” Sam offers.

You roll your own eyes this time, “I’ll take my chances. Thanks for wasting my time, boys, don’t let it happen again.” You stand, prepared to make your way back to the train station to go back to Jersey.

“Wait,” Sam stops you, “What is it that you want?”

You smile innocently and take your seat again, taking a minute to think before answering, “My little sister’s a big fan of yours. I’m sure she and all her friends would think it’s cool if you showed up to her prom as her date.” You wink at Sam.

Silence fills the room as the men think about your request.

“You’re gonna do it, right?” Bucky looks over at him and sees Sam rubbing the crease in between his eyes. He was expecting you to ask for immunity, protection, money, guns. But after hearing your request, he supposes you have enough of all that stuff anyway.

“Man -” Sam begins to refuse.

“Sam, it’s a fucking school dance in exchange for some of the most powerful and sought after serums on the planet - go to the fucking prom.” He tells him, eyebrows scrunching in confusion as to how he would hesitate on something so simple.

“She’s eighteen, so you won’t have any problems with the media or none of that.” You add, the information not really making Sam feel any better.

“Alright, alright, fine. I’ll go to the dance with your sister if you help us get these serums.”

You smile, happy to have done business with the two men, “What information do ya got for me?”

…

Bucky and Sam wait outside a back room in the facility you own. They passed the garbage trucks parked neatly outside, but could hear your screaming and the smell of Cuban cigars as soon as they entered the building.

She’s with a customer, they were told, by someone in your crew, them meeting Bucky’s expectations for mobsters more than you did. None of them ask any questions, but Bucky and Sam aren’t stupid, they’re sure your crew is aware of what’s going on and know the exact reason they’re there.

“You’re a fuckin’ asshole, you know that? The Bible says, Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit -”

“You listen to me, you take your Bible and your quotations book and shove it up your fat fucking ass! Now get the fuck out of my face!”

Bucky can’t help but scoff listening to you scream at whoever’s inside. Sam elbows him, silently telling him that now isn’t the time to find your work funny, especially not in front of the rest of your crew.

Bucky knows he’s old-fashioned, and while things that were taboo such as body modifications or certain fashion styles don’t phase him anymore, he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to hearing a woman talk like that. He doesn’t think he’s ever even heard anybody talk like you do.

Suddenly a man bursts out of the room, huffing and puffing, and you walk slowly behind him, as if to make sure he makes it outside okay.

“Grab his plate for me, will you?” You say not to anyone in particular, voice smooth and calm as if you hadn’t been yelling and threatening that man’s life for the past twenty minutes.

One of the men from your crew follows outside, seemingly to collect the license plate of the man who just left.

“Nothing’s gonna happen to that guy, right?” Sam asks as he and Bucky enter the room, taking a seat in front of the desk you have in there. He knows there’s no point in asking, that you’ll do whatever you want regardless because it’s obvious you’re passionate about receiving respect, but it was worth a shot.

“Is that what you came all the way to Jersey to ask me? Christ, I’m fuckin’ starving, you boys want anything to eat?” You ask, accent heavy as you reach into the side drawer of your desk and pull out what seems to be some kind of meat wrapped in paper.

“Gabagool?” You offer to them, picking out a slice for yourself and placing it in your mouth.

“Gesundheit.” Sam responds.

“It’s pork, you asshole.”

Bucky silently reaches over and picks off a slice of the cured cold cut, putting the meat in his mouth and savoring the flavor. While he can’t stand the way you make a living or the sailor’s mouth you have, he loves Italian food, and actually chose a neighborhood in New York that has plenty of traditional cold cut markets and restaurants to live in in order to fulfill his cravings.

“There’s a big party staged downtown this weekend, we think that’s when the drop is going to happen.” Sam tells you, bringing the focus to their reason for coming here in the first place.

“I’ll send one of my boys.” You reply in between your chews.

“That wasn’t the deal. The deal was you get the serums.” Bucky speaks up.

“Buck, you know how many people want her dead?” Sam tries to reason.

“What the fuck do I have a crew for then? - No, if pretty boy wants me to do it myself, then I will. The same people that want my head are the same fucks who are terrified to be within twenty feet of me in fear they’ll make eye contact. I’m not scared of nothin’.” You say, narrowing your eyes at Bucky.

“What did you guys come here to talk about?” You ask.

Sam looks confused at your expression, “...To go over the plan? Hash out details? So you know how everything’s gonna go?”

“I’ll be fine; I’ve seen The Godfather once or twice,” You tell him, wrapping up the cappo, after Bucky picks off one last slice, and replacing it in the drawer, “Don’t worry Captain, this ain’t my first rodeo. I’ll get the serums for you.” You open a different drawer and pull out a cigar and a lighter.

Bucky watches as you place the large cigar in between your red-painted lips, bringing the flame of your lighter to the end and hollowing your cheeks until smoke exits from the corner of your mouth. Bucky feels blood travel south as his eyes glaze over your hand grab the cigar out of your mouth and blow out a long string of smoke.

“I guess we’ll be in touch then,” Sam stands and Bucky follows after.

“My sister’s wearing blue, so find yourself a nice tie.” You call out, lifting your feet up to cross them on the desk, dress rising and showing your legs.

Bucky blushes, and then laughs as he exits when he hears you, in a deep and more exaggerated accent than your own, “Just when I thought I was out… they pull me back in!”

…

The morning of the party, Sam and Bucky pick you up from your house, planning to take you into New York to discuss final details before tonight.

You get in the passenger seat, Sam offering it to you and climbing in the backseat. As Bucky begins to drive off, your phone rings.

“I told you to leave that.” Bucky says, telling you explicitly to leave electronics here to prevent anyone finding out where you are, and also to avoid any distractions.

“Wanted to see what you’d about it, Sarge,” You wink at him, pulling out a flip phone and answering the call.

“Yeah… Uh huh… He what? Are you fucking kidding me?... Alright… Tell him not to move a fucking muscle.” You hang up, slamming the phone closed.

“Stop at the facility for a sec, I gotta take care of something.” Bucky sighs and turns away from the route to head to your facility.

“Bucky’s going to be going with you tonight, by the way, he’ll be in disguise. Just in case anything goes wrong.” Sam tells you, not really caring anymore about having to make a stop for you to take care of whatever business you need to take care of.

Your only response is a hum as Bucky can feel the anger radiating off your now tense body.

You slam the car door shut as Bucky parks behind a garbage truck outside, not even waiting for him to fully put the car in park before you exit.

Him and Sam follow quickly behind you to see what’s going on. You enter through a side door that leads to a large room, a garage for the trucks, Bucky assumes.

There’s a large truck inside, and racks of suits wrapped in plastic scattered around. A younger man stands near the truck as your crew peruses around the racks, he couldn’t be older than twenty-five years old. Your heels click on the ground as you approach, slowing down as you glance between the suits and the young man. Bucky and Sam hang around a few feet behind your trail.

You stop, fuming, staring at the man before you speak, “You wanna tell me what the fuck happened?”

“I -” He begins, but you cut him off, raising an open hand at him.

“Actually, I don’t even want to hear your fucking voice right now. Because if what I heard you did is true; if what you did to Vinny’s guy is true, you’re gonna be a fuck load of trouble.”

“Can I -”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“But -”

“I said shut the fuck up, Christopher! What part of that don’t you understand?” You yell, and even Bucky feels intimidated.

You turn to your crew, “What the fuck happened.” You demand, more than ask.

“Kid says he tried to take the truck, Vinny’s guy had a gun that fell outta the seat, went off, shot him.” One of the men summarizes, not looking up from the rack of suits.

You raise a manicured hand to pinch between your eyes, “You keep me skinny, Christopher, with all the fucking stress you cause me.”

“Would you let me explain?” He tries.

“If you don’t do as I told you and shut your fucking mouth, you’re gonna be buried with two assholes,” You threaten before continuing.

“They were fuckin’ suits! All you had to do was take the truck! How did you fuck that up -” You stop yourself and sigh, attempting to calm yourself down.

“Here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna take all this shit, you’re gonna take it back to Vinny, and you’re gonna tell him what happened yourself.” You finish.

“Marone!” He exclaims, rubbing his face with his hands.

“Enough with the theatrics! You’re lucky I don’t put a bullet in your ass! Now, I don’t see you grabbing that rack and that rack and that rack and putting it back in the truck!” You wave your arms around the room.

The kid sighs and begins grabbing the racks one by one and rolling them back in the truck.

“Would it be such a shame if they all went back?” An older man from your crew asks, already wearing one of the expensive suits. You scoff and laugh.

“Bucky, pick yourself somethin’ nice for tonight,'' You turn to face him, and he jumps at the sound of your now calmer voice being directed at him, as opposed to the harsh one used on Christopher, “On me.” You wink.

...

Sam and Bucky sit on the bed and watch as you get ready. A small apartment near the party that’s already been swept for bugs. A favor, you called it, from someone you know.

They don’t question it.

“You and Bucky will go in together and I’ll be waiting at a secondary location watching and listening to everything.”

Bucky can’t tear his eyes away from your dress. A mermaid dress, he thinks it is, black and tight and hugging you in all the right places, curving around your ass and sleeveless at the top, allowing you to show off a nice necklace and your cleavage. It’s an understatement to say that he’ll enjoy accompanying you tonight, even if it’s in a costume.

His mother probably would’ve loved it if he would’ve gotten with someone like you. Someone who loves their family, a spitfire that wouldn’t take any of his shit, and whose god damn gorgeous. She might’ve had to wash your mouth out with soap, though.

“So, why is Bucky goin’ again?”

“Safety.” Bucky answers.

“Is he going for my safety or am I going for his?” You tease, finishing the last few curls of your hair, smoke coming from the iron after each time you pull your hair away from it.

“Once you find our guy, get talking with him and see if you can get him to make you an offer,” He begins.

“One I can’t refuse?”

“Then, you’ll try and get him alone, see if he’ll show you the serums, and once you do, we’ll be taking care of the rest.” Sam finishes explaining.

Bucky plucks a box from his pocket and opens it to reveal a pair of diamond earrings. One, a camera, and the other, a microphone. You’re also given a comm to hide in your ear so both him and Sam can hear everything and you can hear them.

“Easy - peasy.” You respond.

The ballroom is lively, loud music and people everywhere, and Bucky attunes all the action overwhelming him to a sweat and not that fact that you’re pressed up against him, his arm wrapped around your waist.

About a hundred different people come up to greet you, asking about your family, offering you drinks and food. Bucky can see right through all of them though; they’re all putting on the act out of fear. Everyone’s attention is on you, and Bucky’s sure if he wasn’t in disguise right now, no one would even notice.

You bring him to the middle of the crowd and he can’t be surprised when you start to dance with him, pulling at his arms to get him to loosen up. He complies, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close as the two of you move together.

“I’ll let you know when I spot him.” He tells you, voice causing goosebumps to rise on your neck; goosebumps that he notices but doesn’t point out.

It only takes a song or two before he spots who he’s looking for and sends you over, making sure your com is on, and choosing to stick by the bar, giving him a good view of you and allowing himself a break of having your body pressed against his.

He’s impressed listening to you talk to this guy, voice smooth and sultry, yet still commanding.

He knows there was a lot of talk when you took position as boss; not a lot of people in the mob took you seriously and didn’t think you or a woman in general would be good in that kind of position in power. So, you use that to your advantage to get shit done, and Bucky applauds you for that.

It’s not long before the guy offers to go somewhere more private to discuss business and Bucky follows far behind, Sam praising you through the coms from where he waits in the car outside, watching through the camera in your earring.

Bucky waits outside of a closed office door upstairs, listening to the conversation through the coms but hearing your exclamation through the door when the guys give you his asking price.

“5 mil each?! What do you take me for, some kinda stunad?”

“Take it or leave it.”

“Take it or leave it, yeah, I can put a bullet between your eyes and take it, alright.”

“Stop messing around and take the offer, it’s not real anyway!” Sam tells you, not wanting to lose their chance on the serums.

You ignore him prioritizing your need for respect over the stupid mission, “How do I know these aren’t Kool-Aid pouches poured in glass bottles?”

“Well, I’m certainly not going to test ‘em out for you.” The guy scoffs.

“Stronzo. You’re outta your fucking mind offering me that.”

“I’ll lower the price for you if you give me a little dance, how ‘bout that?”

“Vaffanculo.” You curse at him.

“Up yours, lady!” He yells back, and Sam sees through the camera, he grabs at you.

“Buck, get in there.” Sam tells him, and it only takes Bucky a second to kick open the door.

He’s a bit taken aback when he not only sees the case of serums out on the table, but you holding the man bent over the small table in the middle of the room next to the serums, gun held to the back of his head.

He very quickly decides that you’re fine and moves to grab the serums, closing the case and holding it securely in his left hand.

“Don’t kill the guy.”

You stay silent and Bucky looks at you again. He can almost see the steam coming out of your ears and he notices a small cut on your cheek bone. He looks down to the man’s cowering figure and notices a large ring on his hand.

You mumble something in Italian to the man, a threat of some kind that Bucky can guess given how the man shuts his eyes and shakes a bit under your hold. Sam finally enters the room, military grade handcuffs in hand.

“Feds are on their way, get her out of here.” He tells Bucky.

You slowly lift the gun off the man’s head and stand up straighter, walking over to brush past Bucky in the direction of the back door.

He makes eye contact with Sam and gives him a nod before following after you, watching as you scrunch up the bottom of your dress to replace the gun in an ankle holster. Once outside, he stops you under a street light near the car and raises his hand to look at your cheek.

“We gotta get going,” You swat at his hand.

“You’re still bleeding.” He says, using his thumb to brush away the line of blood, smearing a red tinge on your skin.

He looks into your eyes and for a second he sees the tough exterior drop. The face of someone who got smacked across the cheek all for mouthing off at some asshole.

Your vulnerability doesn’t last long, though, as you sniff and walk towards the car, opening the passenger door and sitting inside before Bucky can make it over there to open the door for you.

The drive back to the apartment is silent, and Bucky doesn’t know what to do or say to fill the silence. Stepping into the apartment, you immediately go to change and collect your things. Bucky moves to the bathroom to look for a first aid kit of some kind.

He meets you in the room and you’re now in cotton pants and a large t-shirt, sandals on your feet showing the bright red color of your toenails and the lines indented in your skin from how tight your heels were. You’re hanging up the dress and zipping it back in the cover when Bucky drops the first aid kit on the bed.

“Christ, it’s only a small cut.” You mumble.

“Just - Let me, would you?”

He takes out the liquid of disinfectant and soaks a cotton pad, cleaning off your cheek bone with it before covering it with healing ointment and a bandaid.

You don’t thank him when he finishes and he huffs as he closes the kit, “When do you drop the act, huh?”

“I don’t.”

“Really?” Bucky asks in annoyed disbelief.

“No. People tend to try and have me whacked when I drop the act.”

He sighs, “So, what, nobody ever takes care of you? Treats you? You don’t have any days off? Time to be yourself?”

“This lifestyle doesn’t really allow me to have days off, Sergeant Barnes.” You snap, gathering the dress in your hands and turning to face him completely.

“Take me home, I’m tired and my feet hurt.”

You leave him in the room and he waits an extra few seconds before dropping the conversation and following you out.

...

Bucky opens the back door to the environmental facility with his right hand and sees the door to your office open, you and your crew sitting together surrounded by cigar smoke and he can hear a TV on.

“Sir, please step into the vehicle.”

“Like the cop would be callin’ this asshole Sir if the fuckin’ cameras weren’t around!” You wave a hand at the TV, not yet seeing Bucky standing there.

He finds it funny that the gnarliest criminals - the literal Mafia - spend their time watching shitty, scripted cop shows.

It’s been about two weeks since the mission with you where you retrieved the serums. Sam went to prom with your sister five days ago, which was hilarious for him, especially when he got photo prints of different sizes in the mail at his apartment. He didn’t bother thinking about how you found his address.

One of the men sitting next to you glances his way and sees him standing there, smirking at the vision of him; hair combed slightly back and to the side, and a large bouquet of flowers in his right hand and a small paper box in his left.

“You got company, Boss.” He says.

You look over to the doorway and your jaw drops in an open-mouthed smile.

“Look at googootz! Now this is a man that knows how to treat a lady, are you boys paying attention?” You tease, scurrying over to him and pinching one of his cheeks, resting your free hand on his large bicep to guide him into the room, the rest of your crew ushering out to give the two of you privacy.

“What’s in the box?”

“Cannoli.”

You throw your head back with an exaggerated moan, “You know the way to an Italian woman’s heart, Sergeant Barnes. What’s with all the gifts?”

“Thought I’d treat you.” Is all his response is.

You narrow your eyes at him and stand up a little straighter, crossing your arms over your chest.

The last conversation before he dropped you off that night hasn’t escaped his mind. He understands the difficulties of life - how it’s hard to find time for yourself among the busy schedule that is existing. He catches himself sometimes, too, forcing his body to run with no sleep, burning through all of his energy until he’s completely drained and blaming it on life.

But life’s not always like that. Life allows for days off. For treats. For a bit of kindness. And Bucky’s come to show you just that.

“What, a beautiful woman like you never received flowers and pastries before?” He says, taking a half-step forward to be close enough to look you closer in the eyes.

“Are you flirting with me?” You whisper in amusement.

His eyes glance away from yours to look down at your red-painted lips. He gives you a shy smirk, really turning up the charm. For a big, bad, boss, you’re pretty easy to break down.

“Let me take you out tonight.”

“Maybe I’ve got plans.”

“Cancel ‘em.”

“What makes you think you’re worth canceling plans for?”

“Why don’t you trust me and find out?”

“You should know by now, Sergeant Barnes, that I don’t trust.”

He doesn’t respond for a moment, setting the box of cannoli on your desk before reaching his now free hand up to your face, using his finger to brush away a stray hair and push it behind your ear.

He then takes a hold of one of your hands, turning it over to place a kiss on the top of it, before wrapping your fingers around the flowers in his other hand, forcing you to take them.

“No restaurant you’ve been to a hundred times over, no drama, no business. Just a man trying to treat a lady.” You look down at the flowers before meeting his eyes again.

“I get to pick the place.”

“No.”

“The kind of food.”

“No.”

“The -”

“No. Let me take care of everything.” Bucky insists, determined to get you to give up control for the first time in what he can only imagine has been a very long time.

Bucky knows better than anyone how terrifying it is to give up control. It was terrifying when he was forced to give up control, his free will taken away from him in the war for decades upon decades, but it’s terrifying even now when he has to do it as a free man. It makes a person vulnerable. When was the last time you were allowed to be vulnerable for somebody?

“I’m gonna pick you up here at six. Wear something nice and leave the executive attitude at home.” He finishes, leaving you with the flowers and cannoli before returning back outside, ignoring the stares he receives from you crew who wait patiently outside your office.

He feels your eyes follow him at the door, and he can’t wait to sweep you off your feet tonight.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes mob au #bucky barnes x mobboss!reader #mob au #marvel #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes oneshot #even tho bucky wants her to give up control we all know he prob likes being yelled atin italian #and that the real reason he wants to take you out

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steveandbucky · 3 years

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steve’s ending is never ever going to sit right with me, ignoring the fact that I don't think for a SECOND he'd voluntarily choose to go back in time 80 years and leave behind everything he's come to love about the 21st century bc fuck, man, steve would love it. he literally says so in catws. he may be nostalgic and he'd probably want to visit, if he was able to, to just see people who are long gone - his mum, the howlies, peggy - but he'd come back and im sure about that. besides, steve abandoning his best friend since childhood? sam, wanda, the rest of the team? make it make sense

but actually, even the way he just up and left without saying anything to anyone (aside from bucky, supposedly, off screen). extremely out of character. its literally him running away, which is the one thing he never did? all through engdame he's been running away like a coward. if he's tired of the fight, if he wants to retire, pass the mantle, wouldn't he stand up and say so?

it would have been so satisfying to see, as an ending to his entire character arc. to stand up to the world, the govt, the military, shield, whatever - whoever the avengers are accountable to these days, idk the movies dont make it very clear - and say no. im done.

to choose himself. to come full circle and realise he doesn't have to keep going back to the fight, he doesn't have to give any more of himself, he doesn't owe the world anything more because he's saved it over and over again.

doesn't that actually give him some goddamn character development? from the little guy who had something to prove, who felt the need to lay down his life, as if it's what he needs to do to be less of a burden to the world who treated him like he was disposable, a nuisance, a nobody. to give something back for daring to take up space in the world as a disabled man who had nothing else to offer. to the weary soldier, realising for once in his 38-odd-years that he's a person whose life is worth more than what he can give to others.

it would be so nice to see him be selfish for once. to say ive given enough. im enough. i choose myself. i don't owe the world my life, my happiness, i don't have to sacrifice anything anymore. to look them in the eye and dare them to call him selfish. dare them to make him feel guilty about his choice.

i think he deserves a happy ending. he's not been given the serum and the shield and the status and job security in exchange for his humanity. he deserves to get to live out the rest of his days surrounded by family and friends and a small army of farm animals. to do the things he loves and find himself a new job that'll help him heal.

only slightly related, but this is also why i don't vibe with deserumed steve. aside from strength and height and the superhuman speed and increased intelligence... the serum actually healed his ailments. why would you take that away from him? he doesn't deserve that. he deserves to be able to breathe and hear and see and heal and be in good health im sorry but. he can keep the serum and choose to retire willingly. that's it

#emma.txt #more ideas for my #nurse steve fic #post cacw #steve #anti endgame #mine #fic ideas

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mayraki · 3 years

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mayraki’s 2.4k followers celebration 🕊

so i hit 2.4k the other day and because i haven’t done this in a while i wanted to do one, miss interacting with every one <3 and i decided to name these as a couple of favorite chase atlantic songs so enjoy my comments on each song as well :)

✧✶∘↝ ↜∘✶✧

friends: (you better sing this song with your entire heart and chest or else is on sight mf) send a pic of your celebrity crush and i’ll rate them

slow down: (this song is the best one out of all of their songs and you can’t change my mind) i’ll give you a picture of my pinterest that reminds me of you

right here: (this song is so fucking sexy it always makes me feel things) chase atlantic lyrics are sometimes deep as fuck so send me this and i’ll give a lyric

swim: (is the way mitchel says “i’m swimming” so out of the breath for me) give me six things and i’ll create a tiny moodboard for you

devilish: (my wattpad series is named after this song that’s how much i like it) let’s spread some love, talk about your tumblr crush

the walls: (i want to make out with this song on the background) give me a compliment because im a selfish bitch (i’m gonna give you one back don’t worry)

church: (i— no words) this is only for +18 what’s the best phrase you’ve ever read in a smut? let me hear it

paranoid: (i could hear mitchel singing with his raspy voice all day, yes please) let’s talk about whatever you want about these fandoms that i’m currently in (marvel, obx, harry potter) can be theories, a character that you like, unpopular or not opinion. literally whatever

too late: (HAD YOUR GIRLFRIEND IN MY HOUSE FOR TWO DAYS— that’s it) the usual games, would you rather fuck marry kill cast your mutuales

oh mami: (this is whore city welcome) if you want you can talk to me about whatever you want, your life, something to get out of your chest, ask me for advice, anything you want :)

you can join in anonymously if you want! <3

tagging some mutuals: @sortagaysortahigh @germanmilfs @stfulahey @dmonchld @cognacdelights @chloesapogue @tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar @annab-nana @acvross-the-universe @fleetwoodsmacabitch @fuckyeahmattytkachuk @heybarzy @x-lulu @butgilinsky @bricksatcaleswindow @the-nightmare-before-bucky @love-chx

tagging some mutuals :) @stfulahey @sortagaysortahigh @germanmilfs @x-lulu @heybarzy @bricksatcaleswindow @butgilinsky @annab-nana @acvross-the-universe @cognacdelights @chloesapogue @dmonchld @jellyfishbeansontoast @fleetwoodsmacabitch @fuckyeahmattytkachuk

#games #2.4k followers #celebration

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angstysebfan · 3 years

Text

The Truth Will Set You Free - Part 7

Pairing: Bucky x Female Reader, Thor x Reader (other Avenger characters)

AU: Modern

Summary: You dated for two years, and thought he was the one for you. One day you came home and found him with someone else. After running away from you, you return home and found yourself in the arms of Thor. When Thor decides to introduce you to his friends at a dinner, you realize that there’s something familiar about the house you were visiting.

Warnings: implied cheating, language (not proofread)

You sit in your living room, ignoring the TV in front of you. You think about everything that has happened over the last several days and can’t believe the whirlwind you have faced. Who knew when Thor brought you to meet his friends, you would be faced with the horror that was your old life. Only then to find out that Bucky never cheated on you.

You don’t know what to think anymore. You care so much for Thor. He has been so patient and kind, and you know he cares about you, maybe even loves you. Then there is Bucky, who was your first love. The man you thought you would be married to and have a million babies with. But do you still hold that love for him?

You decided to distance yourself from both of them. Of course you spoke with Thor, who completely understood why you needed space. You decided to not reach out to Bucky, as you told him when you spoke you needed time. Knowing him, you knew he would reach out when he couldn’t stand it anymore. In your distance you decided to try and not think about it, at least for a little while. You needed to destress before you could even think about what to do.

As you sit there, “not thinking about it”, you hear a knock on your door. You get up, hoping and praying it’s not Bucky, because you are so not ready for that conversation. You open the door to reveal yet another person you really didn’t want to see. You say nothing and just stare.

Shuffling her foot against the ground she asks quietly, “Can I come in?”

You open the door wider and allow Nat to enter your apartment. “How did you find me? I don’t remember giving you my new address,” you say flatly.

You see her gulp and again look down, “Uh, Thor actually gave me the address,” she says.

You are honestly shocked he would do that, but keep your mouth shut as you sit back on the couch. “So what do you want?” you ask.

She takes a deep breath as she sits, making sure to keep space, “I-I told everyone the truth. Something that I should have done years ago. I just... I just want to apologize again for.. ruining your life in the process of my bullshit,” she says.

You give a breathless laugh, “Yea, ruining my life is a pretty accurate summary of what you have done to me,” you say.

You look at her again and see the pain in her face. You sigh, so tired of drama, “How did they take it?” you ask.

She looks at you in surprise of your question, “Well. They all still want to be my friend. They were upset with me about what happened with you and Bucky, because I took complete responsibility for that, but they all accept me,” she says.

You nod, “As I knew they would. Which is why I still don’t understand why you would hold onto that secret knowing what happened between you, me and Bucky,” you say, annoyed.

“I wish that I could give you a reason and make things better, but honestly, Y/N, the truth is I was scared. I didn’t want to accept that it was my fault. I didn’t want to lose any more friends, when I already lost the most important one in my life, and the second most important one,” she says.

You look at her confused, “The second?” you ask.

“Bucky kicked me out. He stopped talking to me. He finally spoke with Steve after I came over and apologized, but he still refused to come to most hang outs if he knew I was there. It took almost 2 years before he would be in the same room as me,” she said.

You look at her in surprise, unable to comprehend what she just heard. Nat continued, “Even now he barely talks to me, but at least he will hang out with us. Him asking me to meet to tell you the truth was the first time he has spoken to me in a very long time,” she says.

You knew at this point, you keeping your distance was going to be short lived. You had to speak to them both, but you still needed to time to figure out what to say. You still had more questions that needed answers, especially after this news. You look at Nat, “Well, even if you were scared, it’s not right to make me look like the bad guy. You and Bucky just let me look terrible to our friends,” you say.

You remember what Steve told you, and knew that you said, wasn’t 100% true, but you wanted Nat to feel bad after everything so you said it. Nat nodded, “You’re right. I’m selfish. I always have been. I liked being the center of attention and I love having people love me. When I thought that could slip away, I made sure it didn’t. When I knew Bucky wasn’t going to say anything, I decided to keep my mouth shut too. I never thought I would see you again. I know that sounds bad, but it’s the truth. I--” she stops and sighs.

“I loved you. I would have loved to have you love me back. I was ok with being your best friend because it gave me a piece of you. I would have stood beside you at your wedding and allow my heart to break into pieces to see you happy. When I ruined that? I- I lost myself and decided that if I couldn’t have you as a friend, then... I turned back into the selfish bitch I was. And all I can say to you is that I am so sorry. I know it doesn’t make it better,--”

“You’re right it doesn’t. Because while I can understand you being nervous and afraid to tell the people that you love that you are not who appear to be, it doesn’t give you the right to throw me under the bus to make yourself feel better,” you say and then scoff. “You say you love me, but I honestly don’t think you know the first thing about love, because you would never have let me reputation fall like that if you loved me,” you say.

Nat looks down at her hands and you see tears falling. “You know we can never go back to the way things were, right?” you ask her.

She refuses to look up at you but nods as the tears fall. You sigh, suddenly exhausted, “Whether I am with Thor or.... whatever, we cannot be friends. I will still hang out and will acknowledge your existence, but that will be all for a very long time,” you say.

Nat chokes on a sob as she nods, finally looking at you. “I--I understand. And no matter who you choose, you will have a man that loves you, and I promise to stay out of the way,” she says.

Before you can respond, she stands and walks out the front door. You sit there in silence for a moment before you finally cover your face with your hands and cry. If that was so difficult, how are you going to deal with your next decision?

Part 6 / Part 8

Sorry this took so long and was so short. I needed to get Nat’s part finalized so that we can now focus on the guys. Now who will she choose? I have heard your thoughts, and I have to say I am on the fence. We shall see in the coming parts. Feedback is appreciated.

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#Bucky Barnes #james bucky barnes #Bucky angst #bucky fanfic #james buchanan barnes #james barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x natasha #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #Modern Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes angst

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h0unds-of-h3ll · 3 years

Text

Talking to the moon

The rumors and trauma lived inside his head in fact it ate him alive. Each and everyday lifeless and a black cloud hung over his head. Except when he received and a test message from an unknown number. He knew it was unknown for three reasons. 1) Everyone knew to not text him or disturb him unless he contacted them first. 2) He could recite his entire list of contacts over anything else in his life. And the third was that he didn’t know that this unknown message would change him forever.

Word count: 15,000 *im so sorryyyy*

This is another dreaded Bucky Barnes x reader fic.

Viewers beware you are in for a scare with the: fluff, Bucky is a wanna be alcoholic, blood, angst, cheesy tropes *wrong number,etc*, bad jokes, one liners, awkwardness, sexual innuendos, mentioned sexual harassment, suicidal thoughts, depression, murder, slight dark Bucky who’s just trying to get through life, Sam Wilson mentioned, astrology and planets, knifes, ptsd, nightmares and terrors, flashbacks, sad bitch Bucky missing Steven and using the reader as a better therapist then the certified one, she/her pronouns used for the reader, mostly from Buckys POV, she/you referring to the reader JOHN WALKER SLANDER NO HATE TO THE ACTOR, glass.

(This is dedicated to my friend, tiny adjustments to buckys story and I am dearly sorry if I didn’t write bucky true to his character!)

He choked awake on the air that never left his cold lungs, meanwhile, his skin was afire. A coat of sweat coated him, he slept shirtless since this occurred so often. Always waking in the depth of night to little to no light, only the low gleam of the moon shone through his window near his kitchen along with the soft luminosity of the television sat in front of the sofa. One that he refused to sleep on. He couldn't even sleep on the soft bed tucked in the back corner of the room down the hall in his apartment. He debated why he just wouldn't move into a studio apartment instead of the one he resides in.

He huffed staggeringly and his eyes falling to the ground, searching for something that was never there. Tranquility. His brain trying to calm itself in some form, it never worked it took hours for it to. Even then it never lasted. He suffers another day's trauma trying to sort the world back into order. Sam would often notice but knew to never ask him about it. He knew from the months working together asking and attempting to comfort Bucky often led to arguments. Bucky strongly knew this was nothing and that others were just blowing it out of proportion.

That also led to bias work and Bucky not doing his best, since Sam put him in a bad mood beforehand. Bucky went to therapy. He was more forced than offered, the government felt he was more of a ticking bomb than anything else. Bucky thought of it as more of a joke than anything.

There was no sense in for him to go to the sessions. He often found himself trying to find excuses to skip sessions. He thought that the past is the past and trying to fix it wasn't a possibility. Bucky dealt with it the way he could. He pushed it deep, deep, down in the roaring sea of his mind and dealt with it later. Only in his dreams did it resurface to haunt him. Always making him uptight and tired from the lack of sleep.

However, at this point, he was use to the torture of it all. His brain is his worst enemy. Through shaky breath fanned on his arm, he was crouched over his left leg up his metal arm resting over his knee his other arm holding his weight. He watched the glow of the tv, his chest heaved in exasperation.

Nothing piqued his interest in broadcasting. It was all the same mumbo jumbo of stereotypical things like romance, the reality that was depicting the species as inhumane, the comedy he didn't understand, only one channel did hold his interest.

Perhaps it worsened his mental state but he didn't care and it was the news. It was all the current disasters of the world and the avengers trying to stabilize the circumstances and the best part of it all how disturbing the world is. Even if his bringing was normal to where he is now, he'd most likely be a deeply tormented individual.

He nearly had heart failure when a banner at the bottom of the screen read "John Walker elected as the new Captain America." In blinding letters. Above the banner was John Walker himself standing in front of the podium a hand raised in a gesture to recognize the audience's howl.

Buckys head burst with memories of Hydra and the way it evoked him. The way of how Hydra forced him to be something he wasn't. John Walker was the perfect example of an alternate reality with a substitute Steve. Everything Steve was for John Walker was against.

Images flashed in his head. He put his hands on his head his natural one warm and clammy, in contrast to the bitter cold one. It just gave his flashbacks even more fuel. Living with a constant reminder of who he is. A monster.

He grabbed tightly onto his hair the strands were being plucked as this was being written. He felt small patches of balding from this happening so regularly. His legs parted and creased by the knees. His face strained into pain. His extensive wrinkles from age, noticeable, and worsened from him doing so.

His blanket thrown away to the side with disregard, he started to rock softly front and back. The wood floor burned his tailbone from him sitting on it for so long. Suddenly he felt a different pain. A killer one.

The beige cabinets thrown open papers and documents scattered everywhere. The dark grey of a ceiling of the shelter peered over him judgingly. His arm pushed down into the metal of the chair burned from the uncomfortable position. The bolts leaving deep indentions in his skin. The helmet pressed tightly to his skull leaving him render less against the horror of hearing the words. So many times he had to go through this routine, the monitors loud and buzzing. He bit down strenuously onto the guard in his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. The electricity drumming into his head, his brain setting fire to its system, he feels it in his muscles, in his blood, the veins that pop in his neck. The tubes behind his head generated and pumped large amounts which umped higher and higher in velocity each time an activation word was spoken loud and clearly. Spat carelessly not in his mother's tongue, he would never think of the language to be beautiful only to be a monstrosity of the world one of the greatest. His dull fingernails dug into the chair it did nothing other than to give him some sort of balance. He screamed but it was muffled to an extent of the guard doing its purpose. "Daybreak."

The announcer spoke into the fuzzy black microphone that's the only word he made out to hear. The daily news report drone on for what of which he came back into reality.

He opened his azure eyes and looked to the left the window that sat in the middle of a pale white wall and his kitchen showed the red bloom of the sun and the tall buildings of the city.

He felt resentful towards the time of day since his flashbacks usually only lasted a minute or so.

Lately, they've grown in duration and that stroke dread into him. He was horrified that someone would say or do an act that would put him in a state of mind. One that he wished to not be in.

Somedays he just yearned to be left for dead in the snowfall of the forest. Notably, so far from the arm that was taken from him that it would be hidden to the world for eons. And from the pessimism of the clouds above him.

He grew irritably hot and damp from the excessive sweat he did to himself, he felt everything was his fault, enlisting, going on the train, helping Steve.

He hated himself for a moment realizing what he thought, he felt selfish for thinking that Steve did this to punish him. He sighed and laid his head tilted to the plastered ceiling.

His neck outstretched. His legs and his arm, limp from the compression of him tensing them for so long. His muscles trying their hardest to relax. His figure seeming to be the equivalent of a sack of potatoes.

He didn't care about how he presented, perhaps it was his past with being a soldier the constant thriving to be the strongest and the son of Hercules. He pushed so far that his body couldn't endure the strength he put it through.

Super soldier serum and all, he was still just a man. He was still human deep into the last atom of his DNA. His eyes nonchalantly examined his ceiling a soft pale white like the rest of his apartment, it reminded him of the moon outside.

If he were to take out his ceiling it'd be right above him. He was enamored by how it seemed to have an ever-lasting glow. He let out a shaky huff then fell ever quiet. Until the day grew old.

Yori had scheduled a lunch meeting earlier that week, they had a routine. Yori attended and Bucky paid. This happened every Wednesday they would meet up and discuss whatever they wished. Yori was just an old decaying man who lived in Chinatown, he lived across from Bucky's building. Yori was kind to the ones he knew.

It was otherwise to people he didn't. After Yori's son died it was hard to, if he only knew who Bucky was entirely he'd die out of shock. Bucky swore to tell him but honestly, Yori was his only friend he had out of work, and even that he couldn't let himself go and confide in Sam.

So here he was in a plain-back leather jacket, some jeans and the same pair of boots he had since the war. He didn't understand the fashion trends of late. Last week he and Yori saw a woman in a bright suit, it looked like a second skin from how tight it was.

Yori was simple-minded as he was and had similar morals and interests. It was disheartening to say that Bucky had a sort of envy for Yori, Bucky wished to have lived a normal life of maybe dying in the war or growing old and gray like Yori.

Get married, have a couple of kids, live a normal life. He understood greatly why Steve went back but he never fully forgave him for it. He felt like Steve was selfish for doing so, but isn't everyone? Steve got a normal life while Bucky had to rot in the world alone and was terrorized by his brain.

He crossed his arms, the leather making a strange sound since he gripped himself so tightly. He sat up straight, his shoulders back, his face set with a profound scowl. It forever imprinted on his face the dark scruff of a new beard growing in.

He hated how it meant uncleanliness, but he didn't have the motivation to shave it off, there wasn't a reason to anyway. He hadn't been on a date in years, centuries even.

He poked and played with his sushi that Yori said was great to try at least once. Bucky felt bad and tried a bite, he had to give credit for a thing so small having to be so spicy. That was about the first and last bite Bucky had. Since then he just jabbed at it with one of the sticks.

The other laid across the small complimentary plate with the rest of the remains of the sushi he failed to eat, he lost his appetite a few weeks ago.

He's been nursing a strong drink called Shōchū. Every time Bucky ordered it Yori said that he put an accent on it and that it made him sound like a foreigner. Although Bucky didn't know how since he was fluent but that was an argument for another day.

The employees there grew to know that they should just leave the bottle there since he usually drinks half their supply on each visit.

He just simply didn't think eating was something he needed. Recently things just seemed to bore him to the point where things that he needed to do he couldn't.

All because his brain tells him this doesn't matter. He's just lived so long from numerous life-ending things and he'd be damned if he'd kick the bucket from starvation.

"That scowl of yours is going to scare the women away," Yori spoke, breaking Bucky out of his trance. Bucky only saw the select few people around them and the women that Yori was referring to were a few older women with smiles and when Bucky turned to look they suggestively waved their fingers.

When Bucky looked back Yori smiled and waved and went back to inhaling noodles. Bucky looked at the man across from him in the small sushi restaurant he grew to know too well, they always sat in the same place a small table near the front of the glass doors.

Some posters and decorations were scattered throughout the small building. The dim lanterns gleam radiantly against the cryptic night. It rained before and the droplets of rain still reside on the windows behind Yori.

Yori slurped pounds of noodles into his mouth at a time, the residue of it was left behind on Yori's pale-white mustache. Bucky was surprised that the stick didn't break from the weight of it. Bucky's eyebrows furrowed together in thought, his posture relaxing.

He laughed inside his shoulders coming up and the side of his lips curved in a smirk. The demeanor he held was appealing from afar, (specifically to the cougars adjacent from where they were.)The conversation always breaking Bucky's previous mood, Yori was very light-hearted when he wasn't in a mood. Especially when he had food and good company. He decided to further it:

"What do you know about the ladies here that I don't?" Yori swallowed a big round lump in his throat slowly going down to his stomach, he must've had a pile of noodles in it by now.

"Well first off all, don't test my ways of making them swoon over me," Yori stated it more of a threat than a declaration. He used his chopsticks and pointed them at Bucky and a warning manner.

His eyebrows perked up and the wrinkles on his forehead worsened similar to the ones that grew on Bucky. His eyes became wide at the thought of being disrespected like the way Bucky just did.

"Second of all, you don't understand how to look without your eyes." And with that Yori chowed down once again on his bucket of noodles. Bucky couldn't perceive Yori's advice, what does seeing without your eyes even could mean?

His smirk faltered into his normal resting face which Yori liked to remark and say was the equivalent to people putting the trash into his garbage can. There was no rhyme or reason for people to do so but they just did.

Just like the way Bucky was always in a sour mood it reminded him of himself always being angry at the world because of other people.

"Have you been seeing anyone lately, if not that might be the cause of your problems," Yori spoke as if he knew everything about Bucky and maybe he could Truth it since Hydra and after being the winter soldier and Steve passing.

Bucky hadn't really been ready to mingle. He just knew he had too much baggage for a partner to put on deal with him. Every now and then when he felt completely alone he downloaded some dating app he didn't actually want and deleted it on the same night.

He had flings here and there and since he met Yori he had been setting him up on dates whether Bucky liked it or not. None of them worked out since Bucky didn't try; he was too wrapped up in his own problems to be listening to hers.

Bucky's gloved metal hand wrapped behind his neck and scratched his stubble coming back down.

"You know Yori surprisingly enough I haven't," Bucky spoke grimly and clutched his teeth. He knew Yori was going to tell him off. He winced when he heard Yori's chopsticks fall into the cup of noodles. Yori sat back into his wooden chair, his arms crossed and a displeased look came across his face.

"And why is that?" Bucky began to open his mouth "Don't give me some excuse that you always give me or this will be our last meeting." Yori stated in a harsh manner with his face twisted in that fatherly manner. "I don't understand why it's a great value to you, to know about my love life,"

Bucky spoke of it as a statement but it came out more as a question. Yori quieted and thought for a moment thinking of the proper words to say. "The stars are aligned in your favor, in which that means you should try and put effort into those small details in what is grief, if not love persevering."

Bucky sat there thinking over the things Yori told him. Bucky stretched his arm out to sip on the Shōchū. He was about a quarter way through. They'd only been there for two hours.

Since Yori met Bucky he learned that people can't always be that bad. Unless of course, you're the type who knocks over his trash can and the men don't pick it up and so it rots to hell when he fills it.

Bucky sighed and reached for the half-full glass of Shōchū. Yori never favored seeing him drink. It was too similar to him drinking when his son passed.

So Yori being Yori he made a little catapult with his chopsticks and put a small piece of noodle into his device and flicked it at Bucky. Bucky glared at him and touched the spot where it hit. Right in the middle of his creased eyebrows. The residue of the noodle followed his fingers Yori went back to eating but before he did so he gave a word to Bucky

"You're not supposed to think about how to see without your eyes. It defeats the purpose entirely if you think about it as strongly as you do, I may have some years under my belt of practicing but you are going to go nowhere soon with the troubles that live in your scowl."

He paused searching into Bucky's storm-driven eyes, Yori saw nothing that lived behind them other than sorrow. It pained Yori to see his friend in such a state.

Yori rested his hands on the table interlaced in front of him, trying to find anything worth reviving if it wasn't already killed behind Bucky's aurora. But then all of a sudden a glimmer, a spark you could say flitted inside the fellow in front of him.

Yori leaned back in his chair and smiled softly, his eyes creasing. "Ah, there it is," Yori spoke softly. Bucky confused more than he had ever been in his life questioned everything.

He had no idea what Yori was doing or as to why he endured the unwanted staring contest they just had. Then his answers were spoken by the one who created the questions.

"The way you see without your eyes is simply to be at peace with yourself, look at the moon and the stars.

They have no troubles or worries and they are the most looked at things in the entire universe no matter where you are. They see everything, yet they still choose to have no regard for the ones that judge them. For you young sir, for them to have that happiness you take that amount doubled."

Bucky scoffed that he didn't intend to be disrespectful, but how in the world was he supposed to be calm when he knew Yori's speech was literal. Yori never made jokes or metaphors, he learned that the hard way.

He uncrossed his arms for the first time since they sat down, and rested his elbows on his knees, and leaned forward in the wooden chair. He squinted his eyes, questioning Yori's statement.

He knew Yori hated to be questioned and tested, they always led to night and day-long arguments that never fully were resolved. Maybe it was the half bottle of Shōchū he drank that made him confident. He spoke rough and dry from it taking over his throat and liver.

"So let me get this straight. the only way I can find peace and happiness is if I talk to the stars and the moon? Yori, you've got to be joking." Yori grew agitated but his composure remained ever the slightest of relaxation.

Yori reached towards the back of his pants to retrieve something while glaring at Bucky and the staring contest resumed. Bucky thought for a moment that Yori was going to shoot him in point-blank range in front of the small company that was set at different tables all over the place.

Instead, Yori pulled out a small crumbling paperback book with the cover filled with stars and galaxy-type depictions and inscribed above it was

"Talking to the moon, and other astronomic casualties"

Yori sat the book gently on the side of the table he got up and before he left he looked at Bucky for a long while before turning and walking out the door. Not another word was spoken between them until the next Wednesday.

Bucky walked home that night by himself. Usually, he would walk with Yori but what happened at the sushi place he felt disturbed by. He lost his temper and he never should've.

He's been put in worse situations than thinking that Yori made him out to be a fool for believing that the stars could talk. Who knows if they do. He should've been more open-minded, he's just been riled up from the flashbacks.

Shōchū seemed to make things worse but he'd forget about things for a while. He wanted to apologize to Yori;

he severely drowned the urge. With the rest of the bottle. Yes, the restaurant let him take the rest. He had to pay handsomely. He thought it was worth it until he had to walk up the stairs to get into his apartment. He swayed back and forth mostly to the left. The arm weighed more when he was like this.

He had not a thought in mind about the world other than seeing the bottom of the clear bottle made of glass.

He tried to walk up the stairs he really did but his chunky boots made it hard to judge the height of the stairs. He got about halfway up them and then he fell. He smashed his chin against the wood and his chin started to bleed. He didn't try to stop the fall.

His right hand was occupied with the bottle. His thick scarred fingers tied around the neck of it securely. He'd kill anything that would try to take it away from him. He pushed himself up off the stair and he winced in pain when his right hand was now in the pile of glass. It fell and broke when he did.

His back burned with being indented from laying on the stairs. His chin seeped down onto the pit of his neck where his jaw formed.

He pushed slowly up off the stairs entirely putting his damaged hand behind his back. How ironic that his normal flesh is the damaged one.

He lifted off with the metal one. He clutched his wrist and pinched it tightly with the metal one.

Trying to cut off blood flow so it won't get more infected than it already had. He walked to his apartment shamefully. His head hung down low, too insecure and awkward about what happened. His jaw stern and gritted he was embarrassed.

The alcohol dimmed it but it was still a major event. He'd hit the rock bottom of an endless pit.

He dug out his key in his pocket and went inside. When he entered he always felt worse than he had left. Yet he never had a problem leaving. It always felt like he was welcomed back into a deep aurora of depression.

He stepped on the back of his boots and left them by the door. He walked to the bathroom but he stopped and turned to look at the tv. There he was again in all his glory. John Walker.

Although this time in his clutches was Steve's shield. He grew saddened by the fact Sam gave it over. He felt betrayed. Sam was the only one he knew other than him how valuable that was and John Walker out of all people had it in his possession.

He'd have a long discussion with Sam in the near future about this. He was always infuriated by John but now he couldn't put it into words. Except for the word imposterous.

Bucky felt a sharp pain in his wrist and when he looked down. He soon found that he was nearly fracturing his wrist with his metal modeled fingers. He also took into mind how deep the glass shard was. Some tiny, some huge. He cursed under his breath a soft and crude

"Fuck."

He quickly loosened his grip and shook his head in regret when he looked down to his wood floor. He realized that blood trickled from him since he opened the door.

He hastily shuffled awkwardly to the bathroom trying his hardest to not make more of a mess than he already had. He walked with long strides and his white socks dirtied from blood.

The bathroom was small, with half tiled walls and a tiled floor, beige paint covered the rest of the wall. A shower shoved to the left of him, an off-white bulb accentuated the room.

He swore to change it but he never did. A mirror and sink in front of him, the mirror was a small white rectangular one, matching the shape of the sink. Sandwiched in between the shower and sink was the smallest white toilet imaginable.

He hated going into the bathroom for this reason alone. He saw how weak he was in the mirror.

A busted bleeding wound. That crept close to the imprint that marked the middle of his chin, dark drunk eyes, shaded pink lips, sharp cheekbones accompanied with a keen jawline, scars littered across his body. His face had a few abrasions, and cheeks hidden in the scruff that continued to grow.

His hair tousled and strewn every way it pleased. He never cared about it; he never tried to style it since he'd just put his hands in it. His shoulders were clad in leather and a beige henley that matched the walls. The calmness after getting pounded reminded him of when hydra made him fight the other soldiers. Then suddenly he was there.

It was a day that Bucky would think about for the rest of his life. Bucky had a lot of those days but this one, in particular, was one that made him feel excruciating pain. The fight he was trained to lose. The compound was a dimly lit walkway in between the cells. Two would fight momentarily continuously one was declared the winner and fight the champion. Bucky or the soldier.

The commanders of hydra love to evoke fear. Seeing the men riddled with fear. Some vomit, others beg. Some are like Bucky. Ruthless. They don't care who they are or what they want to be. All they strive to be or do is fight and the blood splatter after winning against the enemy, releases stress so sometimes it's a release unless you have a guilty conscience. For Bucky, it's the latter. He has nightmares, sure, but everyone does.

Bucky had perfect posture, his head tilted into the way hydra trained him to do or to be brainwashed until he was complicit. Bright ocean eyes were unknowingly dead. The thunder of the other candidates to fight by the cells on the sidelines until it was their time to fight.

Although before they went to fight they would have a fistfight with Bucky to higher their combat skills. Bucky was the best soldier they had to let them practice on. That being said Bucky wasn't being used to his full potential. Bucky hadn't fought anyone to his skill level, everyone was either at a lower or average level. They were put into groups of two in fighting whoever won would fight either Bucky or another soldier even crueler than Bucky. Bucky had some remorse and would hold back. He still deep down was a person but the other soldier killed many from going too far. And today was the day that Bucky had to fight that soldier. Bucky had three other men for the soldier to fight until it was him, all skinny and small, scrappy.

The soldier was big and unruly. He was undefeated, sure Bucky was scared but at the compound, it's kill or be killed.

No one knew the soldier's true name, just the series of numbers he was given. His confidence may be the death of him. Bucky believed-knew that he was more than the average man. He had courage, a heart of gold, and the endurance of a bull and here he was amping himself up and nervously fidgeting wondering what would happen if he won this fight. He wondered if everyone would think of him as superior or if he'd be more of a black sheep.

He heard a crack of a hydra man yelling to start. The man in front of him was next and the one that lost had gashes to the bone and blood oozing out of places where he didn't know could.

Bucky felt exposed when the man in front of him went to fight, there was still a very long list behind him to fight but he was next up. The soldier looked at him, his demeanor felt like the grim reaper and Bucky was fixing to pay his toll.

The soldier had muscles upon muscles and as broad as one can ever be. The word powerful couldn't even describe him in the lightest.

Bucky chewed on the inside his cheek he was nervous.

The soldier was known to put the others in the infirmary for days on end and those he hurt abnormally bad gotta not fight for a while and rot in their cell until. More often than none they'd put you back out in the field.

The stories of this soldier were the type you'd tell sitting at a campfire to scare kids, instead, it was grown, men. Even if Bucky was the bravest out there he wasn't like the soldier.

Bucky observed all of his techniques and styles over the weeks. Preparing himself for his scheduled fight. It was an algorithm for the soldier to react to specific hits and counter them with the same thing over and over. The hydra men taught all of the soldiers the same moves except the one Bucky was going to go against. They knew Bucky was their best soldier so they had to at least put him in a good fight. Bucky caught on to this pattern and that made him think that he could win.

The man in front of him laid in a fetal position with mud and red splatter across his pale form, the boisterous crowd making the shame feel unbearable.

Then all of a sudden Bucky felt a harsh shove on his back. One of the hydra men shoving him into the pit with the soldier. Bucky nearly fell face forward on the cement. A burst of loud booming laughter deafened him more than the crowd on the sidelines.

The soldier crouched low and Bucky knew what he was going to do. He took out the legs then beat his component to a pulp like a gorilla. Bucky did the same stance. He looked foolish, his hair stuck to his forehead, sweat-soaked his clothes which were already tightened to his skin from the excessive working out he did. Courtesy of Hydra wanting him to be in top shape. The other soldiers grew restless as they psyched one out. They went into circles staring at one other like vultures testing who was the quickest. Whoever blinks first wouldn't blink for weeks after.

A screech came from the soldier and he came after Bucky.

Now imagine a vicious lion combined with a cyclops coming at you. Bucky psyched him out and pivoted. That just angered him more since the battles never lasted more than a couple of minutes. This one was already the longest. The soldier turned slightly and looked over his shoulder and before he could do so Bucky had gotten close enough to kick the left of his knee in and he fell. It was as loud as the thunder when he did.

Although Bucky wasn't watching his feet and the soldier took his left foot and grabbed Bucky. He fell. The roar of the other soldiers boomed. His ears went out painfully, a ringing sound, and the rain flew harshly against his face.

He couldn't move, the wind knocked out of him that he couldn't breathe. He felt ashamed to have even thought that he could win. The black ceiling littered with golden beams.

The gold reminded him of the stars behind them, how someday he could be out of this dungeon to see them again. Abruptly all the ringing in his ears came back. He heard a low hum of breathing; he thought it was his own until he saw the beast above him. The soldier grabbed his arms and Bucky struggled even through his stupor. Bucky wiggled and tried to get out from his grasp but he was a god amongst men. Bucky then thought of how Steve felt when he'd get cornered in an alley and he'd come and save Steve from being killed. But Bucky didn't get saved. The barbarian struck Bucky over and over. The nurse would later tell him that she was surprised that he didn't have any brain damage. Bucky waved in and out of reality. Every time he tried to open his eyes it'd be welcomed with a fist. Bucky spat the blood out of his mouth onto the soldier. The soldier was just too strong. He was impossible to win against. The soldier rubbed the blood into his face and laughed. He leaned to Bucky's ear only so he could hear "puny."

Bucky screamed loud. Loud enough that the neighbors awoke from their sleep and he'd sure have a lot of complaints to address in the morning. In a split second, he found himself with his fist through the mirror, the glass falling every way onto the tile into the sink and toilet. Into the already damaged hand of his, the glass poked through his palm, and through the other side, the previous glass dug deeper into his flesh.

Severing the tendons. All he could think about was the pain of having to clean everything up. He didn't feel the pain he caused himself because that didn't matter. It made him feel the least bit human. Pain. Everything living thing felt alive and once he lost that. He'd feel like a complete and utter monstrosity.

He looked up from his hand and to the mirror. Shards still hung and it displayed a perfect depiction of what Bucky was. Damaged.

Bucky spent the rest of the night with a bandaged chin that kept bleeding like a waterfall. Hw picking out pieces of glass with the smallest tweezers known to man, that too ruby red water ran down the sides of his hand onto his bare beefy thighs and pooled in the middle of his palm.

He had calmed down after a couple of hours by sitting on the bumped-out window.

He often likes sitting there and watching the city. The cars zooming past the bright casinos.

The one thing he enjoyed the most was watching the constellations and making them out to be the things he liked. Often he'd see a star in the moon and he saw the shield.

He hated that one since it put him in the pain of remembering Steve and how he had no one.

He didn't need anyone. That's what he told himself but he was very wrong. His jacket was thrown over a wooden chair in the dining area. The sleeves of his henley rolled around his elbows showing the veins in his forearms.

He changed out his jeans for a random pair of dark shorts, he threw off his dirtied socks.

To say the least, he was at comfort for the first time this week. He started to read the book a little, the pages were torn and faded. Yori must've read this multiple times.

Bucky wondered why. The book was small and petite and was only a hundred or so pages. It was interesting, it was all about philosophy, it was written as if it was a big life poem.

He hated a lot of it but here and there were a few good points. He was about halfway through the book when a paragraph struck him.

Heart. Mind. Body. Soul. Great beings of life and they can only communicate by stars. Life and everything between can be carried through them. So if you speak to the sky of night. You will often hear a reply.

He thought of it as silly but then his brain began to wonder. What if he could talk to whoever he wished dead or alive. Just from talking to the stars. It seemed too easy and childish.

Although what did he have to lose the majority of the world hated him and the other half tolerated him.

He put the tweezers down and wrapped his hand with the bandage used to box. He had leftover wrappings since he used to do dirty street fighting when he got dumped from S.H.E.I.L.D's payroll.

He picked up the book that was under his thigh, holding the book open. He held it there since that was where the most light surfaced. He didn't exactly have the expenses to pay the electric bill so he always kept it off.

His eyebrows furrowed ever close as he came across a sentence he seemed to not understand.

The book looked like it shrunk in the size of his hand. His fingers twisted and ran over the cover and the letters on the page fell off onto his lap. The shorts rode up about mid-thigh and engraved their way into his skin.

He couldn't read anymore. He sighed when he read the same paragraph twice over.

All he could think about was being able to talk to Steve. He pushed it into the back of his mind, he carried the book carelessly in his hand, the feeling an odd one since he hadn't read anything for ages.

He walked over to his little place where he slept and laid down.

The news wasn't showing anything interesting. He became quite bored. He wondered if Yori was doing okay.

Maybe he should check up on him even if they weren't on the best of terms. He drifted in and out of consciousness, he played with the wrapping of his hand to try and keep him entertained.

He sat up against his wall observing everything around him how bland and monotone everything was.

He felt a buzz in the pocket of his shorts. He begrudgingly went to grab it. He didn't know who or why they were messaging him. Whoever it knew that it was just for emergencies.

He swears that he was going to murder Sam if he sent him one of the pictures with a caption that never related to the image. Sam said that supposedly there was a joke in the caption but that just made Bucky even more confused.

Bucky didn't know why he kept the phone. He never answers it and usually, he finds out everything he needs to know by watching the news.

When Bucky did finally open his phone to see the lock screen. He stared at it in bewilderment for a long while trying to make sense as to why someone messaged him.

He noticed that it was from an unknown number. That being said there was a one in a million chance for someone to know what his number was. He sighed he was going to have to change his number again. He was surprised what the message was.

"Hey! I had a wonderful time on our date today, I was wondering if we could go on another this week? If not I completely understand I'm new to this..um..blind dating thing. I really enjoyed meeting you instead of talking to a screen! Lol! Anyway, Ttyl!"

Bucky didn’t know how or what to feel. What date? Why was she (he assumed so since the person seemed vibrant and bubbly.) So happy to see him? He didn’t even know who this person was! A thought crossed Bucky’s mind.

Perhaps he could initiate the partner she went on a date with. He wasn’t exactly busy and had a girl on his arm. He realized that if he were to go on this hypothetical date that it would be very obvious that he wasn’t the man she was interested in.

He subconsciously stood up and paced his living room to his kitchen to and fro. The soft glow of his phone illuminated his face in the dark. It was wrapped tight in his metal fingers. The yellow stripes that were like a snake coiling around his arm grew more visible.

He threw his right hand into his hair, his henley slightly rising and showing a patch of skin between the waistband of his shorts and where the sweater laid. It allowed a drooling sight of a teasing view of his defined “V” of his hip bone that flowed below his shorts.

It's been a while since he felt any blood circulate under his shorts. He didn’t understand what this girl did to him but it got him going and that was certainly uncommon under his circumstances of life.

Don’t get him wrong back in his day he was a player. Now it's lessened to nothing. Not even dates, so this could be big for him. He stopped when he concluded. What the hell did ttyl and lol mean? It took an embarrassing text to Sam and Sam merely laughed at him and told Bucky to google it. That just made things worse.

What was google? He went through every single thing on his phone until he found the icon labeled google and he did google it. ‘Talk to you later and 'laugh out loud' Oh. Bucky was embarrassed how long it took him to figure that out.

He sloppily used both of his thumbs and stood in the middle of his living room texting out a reply.

'I'm totally down to go on another date with you, sweetheart."

He was proud of himself since he remembered Sam using the word totally in a sentence before. He was confident that the confidence and the suaveness from his past never left. And then the regret started to hit him with a bat.

Why’d he called her sweetheart? What if she didn’t like to be called that. God how could he be so stupid?! He started to give up after he didn’t seem to have a reply in his future.

He sat down, crisscrossed in front of his tv and his couch, and began to swim ever so quietly in his mind. His eyes burned with strain as he watched the bright screen in front of him. A festival celebrating the new captain he nearly lost his mind until he felt a buzz against his thigh and when he looked down he saw that the mysterious girl messaged him again.

He opened his phone to find three little dots appearing and disappearing continuously. He wondered what she was writing that required that attention to thinking of what she was writing to him. He wasn’t anyone special. He was a natural disaster but that was about the unique thing about him.

He grew impatient and shifted his weight every few seconds. He was very nervous about what she was going to say. He felt like a schoolboy asking out his crush and being afraid of rejection. Lord help him because he missed feeling something other than pain. Then another buzz ran up his arm and under his spine, it was the message she sent. It was short and simple of the lines of what remembered to be:

"..."

Bucky nearly threw his phone across his apartment. But then sucked a huge breath through his teeth when another buzz went through.

"It's just no one has ever called me 'sweetheart' before."

That made Bucky feel like he wanted to crawl into the deepest darkest ice chamber and live there for the rest of his life. This was it he destroyed his life by trying to flirt with someone hundreds of years younger than him. He exposed himself and he could never redo it. He should've known that this was a bad idea.

Technically he did but he just ignored it. How could he be so idiotic to spoil his chances of getting out of this cage of death. This was the epitome of a fish drowning. He was overreacting and hyperventilating solely because he doesn't know how to flirt like the modern age. He was doomed.

His fingers resisting the strength of his mind telling him not to type out sent her the message reading:

"Do you like being called sweetheart or do you prefer doll?"

He swore he died when he saw that he sent that. SWEETHEART AND NOW DOLL? He wanted to take a steaming hot bath and maybe splurge with bubbles and fall asleep and hey maybe he'd drown.

At this point, he didn't think it wasn't that bad of an idea. He put his palms on his forehead, his knees on his thighs staring at the pitch-black rectangle below him. Impatiently waiting for her response.

An on-set headache developing from all the stress he's had under the last thirty minutes. His heart jumped at the sight of the glow lighting up his screen. He quite literally jumped out of his sin to read it:

"You have no idea. It's way better than getting called mama and shawty by the fuck boys. Lol!"

Bucky was now in the crisis of not knowing what was a shawty and an *ahem* fuck boy. It was so worrying the amount of googling Bucky has done just talking to this girl. He noted to never call her..shawty or mama and to never be a fuck boy.

When he did figure out what those things were he wasn't exactly surprised. He was jealous and angry that she'd been called things that she didn't want. The feeling was common but never this strongly. It was an odd feeling it rose from his stomach to his throat and made it dry and hard to speak.

It made him clutch the sides of his phone so harshly that webs started to hatch from within the glass. His eyes cold and dead staring at the screen reading over her sentence once, then ten times over.

A little buzz came from his phone gasping for air from Bucky choking it out with his metal hand. (You wish that was you, huh?)

"I do love how polite and gentlemanly you are tho. It's hard to find guys like you."

Such short sentences made his heart gallop so fast in minutes. The logical side of his brain kept telling him that her compliments weren't for him but the attention for someone was much louder.

Maybe his old ways of flirting were beneficial, which caused him to be more at ease. His tensed shoulders relaxed along with his metal arm. Although his body felt he was burning alive. His free hand pulled his collar off his velcro skin, letting his structured collar bones come breathable. His breathing became shallow.

"It's hard not to be when you meet someone so radiant."

He didn't even know who this girl was but all he knew is that he didn't want to lose her and become utterly alone again. Not this time. His hair stuck to his face. He was going to have to take the coldest shower ever to get rid of her and even that he won't.

"LOL, Speak for yourself, I'm nothing compared to you."

He scoffed and typed furiously, how could she think such things about herself. He was deeply frustrated he didn't know why but he felt very drawn to her. He'd do anything in his power to just want her to promise him that she'd never leave him.

God, he sounded like a psycho and maybe he was. Maybe this was his last straw and when she'd break off he would too. He was so afraid of going back to the way things were to going back to being the winter soldier that he felt like he lost his mind trying to prevent it.

"Alright doll, how about this, we meet up this Friday for dinner and a movie at nine o'clock?"

He was scared that she would reject him. Fuck. She didn't even know what he looked like. What if she took one look at him and saw past his facade and into how broken he was and decided that no. All these feelings are what drew Bucky to stop searching and to think that he was a burden to everyone. Maybe that's why he felt the only place he could be himself was when he knew that he was 100% alone.

He huffed softly and threw his head back against the couch staring up at the ceiling once again. His Adam's apple bobbed as he listened to the soft murmur of the tv. All the world's troubles put onto Steve's back for years and he gets a little tongue-tied and that was it for him.

He needed help. He needed to get better. He laughed softly, his face breaking out into creases of his tanned skin, his lips parting and his teeth glowing against the white flush. He was insane and there was no going back. He laughed at himself for what seemed like an hour until he felt the familiar buzz against his heated skin.

"Hell yes man as long as we watch sharknado!"

Bucky's smile grew more and stretched his face into a radiance that made him look like he did when he was young.

Bucky didn't know what the hell sharknado was but he was glad to know she liked him enough to go on a date with him. Bucky Barnes had a date to go on Friday and he couldn't be happier. He didn't have any nightmares that night but he'd rather have a life-ending one than what he told Yori in the morning.

It was a couple of days after the fight with Yori. Bucky finished the book the day after he read it that's why he was here along with wanting to apologize for his actions at the restaurant. He was currently sat on the wise man's couch. His son's shrine right on the small table in front of him. He bit the inside of his cheek hard and let his eyes fall elsewhere. He was ashamed to have kept this secret for so long but he couldn't find a way to tell Yori.

"Yeah, hey I murdered your son but it was fine since I was brainwashed by wanna-be nazis?" He let out a small nervous laugh and ran a hand through his hair. Yori was going to find out somehow sooner or later. Bucky just hoped it was later. He didn't want what he had with Yori to end because of his past.

"What's worrying you?" Yori said softly as he walked briskly into the living room with a cup of green tea. He sat down on the couch on the right side of the Bucky. Nearest to the door. Bucky couldn't but think Yori was in some form afraid of him since he tested him that night at the restaurant. No one ever tried to test Yori.

Bucky was different. A way that Yori wanted to understand. But Yori saw the trouble of the glass downstairs when he went to put the trash away. The brand was still visible and Yori only knew one person who drank that. Bucky. Yori figured bad things came from it.

Partly the reason since he knew what came after from drunken mishappenings. Yori sat the green tea on the brown coffee table in front of them by Bucky and put his focus back onto Bucky.

"I asked a question," Yori said softly. It seemed that Bucky was in a trance his head downward and his eyes shifting searching for something maybe an answer to Yori's question but there were so many things going through Buckys mind that it'd take months for Bucky to explain to Yori everything.

Bucky looked up to Yori with a smile but in his eyes were nothing but disaster. Yori sat uncomfortably. He was disturbed not once in the few months of knowing Bucky did not smile.

Bucky ignored the question instead "I finished the book you gave me," Bucky spoke with a waver in his voice making him sound unsure. While he reached into his pocket to grab it Yori pursed his lips.

"I didn't want you to read it I wanted you to return it to the library," Bucky's smile faltered and his eyes dimmed even darker than the way they did before. "Oh" is all Bucky said before he put the book back into his jacket pocket. He messed with the wrapping on his hand that Yori took notice of. Bucky was acting odder than usual and Yori couldn't put his finger on it.

Yori took out a scratch piece of paper and handed it to Bucky. In scratchy handwriting, Bucky assumed it was another book 'life on mars.' Then Yori spoke up "Are you going to drink your tea if not I will," Yori jabbed a finger pointing to the white cup. Bucky cleared his throat "I'm not that thirsty,"

Bucky handed over the glass cup to Yori and he glared over to Bucky and he glared back. Yori smacked his lips together after he finished. "If you're here just to have a staring contest with me, then I'm afraid you'll be here for a very long time,"

Bucky readjusted his posture and breathed roughly. "I wanted to apologize for the way I acted at the restaurant. I know I shouldn't have lost my temper at something so minor."

Bucky stopped thinking of words to say he gave up. Yori got up and left the kitchen uninterested in Bucky's apology. His son's portrait started yearning to be alive again. He stared brutally into Bucky's existence. It asked to switch position with Bucky and Bucky swore that he was out of his body and then sucked back in when Yori started to swirl a spoon around the top of the lip of the cup.

"Sugar makes green tea flavorful," Yori sat down when he was finished he swirled it into the now full cup. Bucky guessed he made a few more for later. Yori came back up to the lip and dampened it with tea it made and a remarkably loud song.

Around and around it went putting Bucky into a trance his posture regained to straight and his shoulder back head high with eyes dead. "When my son, RJ, was one he used to sing this song 'a longing rusted freight car coming to an end where it went when the furnace descended.' it was quite a beautiful song when he sang it,"

Bucky heard bits and pieces before his brain went to a mush of the activation words being said in his head. "When he was nine had a tumor and we took him to the doctor but we found out it was benign."

Bucky couldn't hear. He couldn't see. The sky was filled to the brim with stars. The moon brightened and removed his appearance from the trace of a normal eye. He stepped carefully on the roof of the building. His suit blending him into the shadows. His hair stuck to his face closing him in and disguising him more than he already is. He saw RJ through the roof's window. This couldn't have gone more perfectly. He slipped behind one of the paintings and was quiet, his breathing irregular. He heard footsteps and assumed it was RJ and punched through the painting and grabbed tightly onto the neck of the man he mistakenly thought was RJ and tossed him back into the debris of the painting. A man came after him and he quickly threw the knife from the back of his belt and plunged it into the neck of his victim. Another man slammed into the stairway when he flew out of the painting the rest of the men flew down the stairs in pursuit of fleeing the winter soldier. As they shot at him he was faster and killed them first he jumped off the stairs and threw the other spare knife at the man in front of him. An old man grey in the green leather jacket he smashed against the wall even threw metal Bucky could feel the man's heartbeat quickening and then faltering to nothingness. "Hail Hydra'' The last words the man heard as he dropped from Buckys grip to a heap of a corpse in a matter of seconds. Bucky turned to his right and watched the RJ struggle to put the key to escape Bucky. Bucky wanted to laugh at how weak and puny his attempt was to get away; he was constantly looking behind him at Bucky. Closer and closer Bucky's strides were to capture his life. Bucky's shoulder swayed a demeanor threatened with authority and anyone who dared to test it would feel the stupidity of their choice. When RJ started to beg Bucky thought that was all he had in him. Bucky didn't care. He raised his hand and straightened it perfectly matching the hilt to the RJs head.

"I KILLED RJ!" Bucky yelled standing upright. Saliva flew onto Yori when he screamed. Bucky's metal arm was tightly tied around Yori's throat. Yori was in pure terror, his eyes wide, his hands in front of him wrapped around the metal as he leaned back to get away from Bucky as he confessed to him who killed his son.

His mouth was wide in shock gasping for air. Bucky's eyes widened in horror, his mind running thousands of thoughts per second he took his hand off Yori's throat and choked on air. Bucky stared down at his metallic pitch-black hand and then Bucky ran. He ran to his apartment. Hands in his hair pacing kitchen to the living room.

What the actual fuck did he just do? He felt tears brim his eyes and he couldn't believe what he just did. He ruined everything he worked for since Wakanda. His reputation was obliterated just like that in a matter of seconds. His breathing became ragged; he managed to take off his dark black leather jacket and tossed it to the couch.

The black t-shirt he had on raised slightly from his arms being on his head. His wrapped hand tore into his skin making him even more upset from the broken mirror in his bathroom that he still didn't clean up. The memory just kept running itself over in his head he couldn't stop thinking about it. Yori's reaction.

There's no way he'd be able to repair what he did to Yori and he'd had to live the rest of his life knowing how badly he fucked up. He wanted to so badly tear this goddamn arm off with everything he had. He remembered trying the old one off that Hydra gave him it never worked. He still had the deep gashes from his nails where they latched onto his shoulder.

The scars never really healed right, instead of being in the skin, they rose like mountains from it. Bucky clutched his head tightly, his form shaking with tremors. He just kept thinking of the word stupid.

"I, John Walker. Captain America has taken the super-soldier serum and in my disregard, I feel as if there are no consequences and it should be open to the public. And in retrospect of the world, I personally think that Steve Rogers was too soft on his components and since I have taken the serum I will no longer be tolerating the life of the terrorists. That being said I will in no regard will hold back. I will do everything in my power to rid this Earth of the monsters we know until their last god-ridden breath."

Bucky lifted his head from its place hanging down into his hands, his jaw gritted tight, his nose flared, and his eyes full of fury. John Walker. He was going to kill that man one way or another. Bucky was pissed so beyond natural anger that he stood up and walked straight in front of the tv.

This man was beyond no right in having that televised. What he said could destroy the world in an instant. Who or why did he get the serum from? And Bucky was the time bomb? Bucky closed his eyes, his hands turned into tight fists, and let the image of John Walker in an interview with a lady sat across from him at John's old school burn in his mind. The white noise of the crowd cheering John's opinion made Bucky's blood boil.

Bucky thought he had calmed himself until he opened his eyes he saw John look into the camera and point.

"The world would be a better place if there were more brave soldiers like me."

Bucky reared his metal fist back and pounded the tv until the screen was ridden of John Walker's face. Bucky came to the idea that when he got another tv maybe he shouldn't watch the news for a while. Glass fell on the table and pieces on the wood floor by his feet.

He fell to his knees. His knees cracked from all his weight on them with no support. His knees being crushed by the glass. His hands hiding his face from the world.

His cheeks and face grew warm from how he felt. His nose burned when tears started to fall ever so gently down his cheeks. Grey eyes becoming the most vibrant of blues. He choked softly, his throat closing as he sat there in the middle of his destroyed living room. His apartment is the greatest amphitheater in the world.

His shoulders rising and falling and stuttering when he gagged on air. He parted his hands from his face and sat upright. His hands fell into fists, his arms tensed and the veins in his neck pulsed when he let out a blood curdling scream. It was a long screech filled with his voice cracking his vocal cords giving upon him.

His tears despite his yelling still fell and stained his cheeks. He thought so many things at once and everything involved him being a monster. He was hurt and this was the worst self-harm. The arm was given to him and the brain that wasn't his own.

He decided that he needed to go on a walk to calm himself down. Maybe he'd go and return Yori's book. All he knew is that the world for Bucky Barnes was getting darker and worse by the day. Who knows how long until he loses who he is. But one thing was for sure. It wasn't going to be for long until he does.

He stayed home for the rest of that day. It was in the evening when he had gotten home from Yori's. He was still greatly upset by what happened. He couldn't think about it until he grew angry with a suicidal rage. He was alone. All over again the monster that kids are scared to go to sleep over.

He sat by the window again just in the same random shorts and no shirt out of fear of coating it in sweat. It was the least of his problems but it was still a burden. He wished he had something to listen to, his thoughts were so loud that he was surprised that mind readers didn't go deaf from it. He watched the people below him walk past the building complex.

Not batting an eye at the monster in the window above them. He wanted to laugh at how normal people were and how he was once like them but now turned into this creature. His shoulders broad and held his form up by the sides of his sculpted waist.

His legs crossed over another he leaned against the wall that joined the window in the corner. He sat across from the kitchen. His stomach growled at the thought of food, the last time he could remember eating something was at the restaurant and that was just a nibble. It wasn't like he could eat something. He never splurged on food, all the food he had was fruit sitting in a white complimentary bowl on the middle of the island.

He pushed his head against the wall swallowing thickly debating whether he should or not. He decided he didn't deserve it after what he's done. Disrupted from his thoughts he felt a buzz on his thigh in the pocket of his shorts.

He fished out the stupid little box and saw that it once again another text from Sam. He's been ignoring them since he's had Sam's contact; he deemed them not worthy of a response. They were all on the lines of are you okay? Bucky smiled at something so incredulous. He started typing out

Yeah. Just losing my mind but other than that I'm just fine. But went against it. When he read more of the missed messages one did pique his interest. Did you hear about the rumor of Steve being on the moon? Bucky's eyebrows furrowed and his face contorted. What? How could Steve be on the moon? Sam and he literally watched Steve grow old in front of them. How absurd to say that Steve was on the moon. But when Bucky thought more of it, it reminded him of what he read in the book.

Talk to the stars and they'll talk back. Bucky groaned in annoyance. Was this what he was resorting to in a desperate measure for interaction? Talking to inanimate things. He let out a deep breath his chest rose then fell shortly after. He closed his eyes imagining Steve back in Brooklyn and all the mischievous things they did.

He remembered the day Steve got rejected and then Bucky being deployed the next day. The day that started it all. The downfall of Bucky's life. Bucky didn't know what he would say to Steve but he thought he started out well enough.

"Do you remember when we were kids and we'd always have to act like we were soldiers because of you. God Steve even when we were kids you had your mind made up. Always wanting to be something when I couldn't even choose what cereal I wanted,"

Bucky stopped and thought over the words he said. It was true. Steve was always headstrong about everything he wanted. Bucky remembered that Steve was going to create this comic of this monkey who shot bananas out of a bazooka. And Steve did.

It never took off or anything it was just the thought of if anything Steve wanted he would never stop until he got it.

While Bucky always had his priorities elsewhere, the majority of the time he made Steve do his homework so he wouldn't fail. Two opposite people were the best of friends, who knew that one of them would turn out to be the villain.

"You know Steve I enlisted because I felt like I had to prove something, I had to prove that I was better at something than you. Just that one thing I ended up not even being better than you at."

Bucky's voice was dry and raspy when he spoke. The screaming fried his throat when he talked. It burned like a good bottle of Shōchū.

He'd kill for a bottle right now. He was starting to understand that this wouldn't work but he grew angrier at the thought of Steve trading him out for some girl. Bucky knew how much Peggy mattered to Steve but he still never got why he'd trade him out for her. He was jealous in a sense over the life Steve got.

"If I could I would change places with you in an instant, to be at peace. You got to live your life and I had to decay for years without my best friend. Maybe this was for the best so you couldn't see me become who I am now. Someone that we swore to never be ever since we were kids, the bad guy."

Bucky chewed on his lip after that. Til the end of the line his ass. Bucky ran his hand through his hair, the strands comforting his hand. He got up from the window and walked over to his little bed and went to sleep. The night's toll took everything out of him.

The only thing he currently wanted was this thing he had with this girl to be good. How wrong he was.

He decided that he was going to go and return the book Yori gave him. He still hated what happened and he knew trying to fix it would make it worse. The least he could do is get him the book he wanted. So Bucky put on his washed-out jeans, his shirt he wore yesterday, shrugged on his jackets and slipped his feet into his boots, and a black glove to hide his metallic arm, and went to the Library.

The library was a little old place with the roof caving in not far from the complex building. He wondered why Yori didn't just go and get it himself, Bucky didn't really care about having to go but he just wanted to know if Yori was okay and doing well.

Bucky went down the stairs and found a few remaining pieces of the glass bottle he broke last week. The memory of him falling and breaking it etched in his mind vividly. He felt a chill run up his spine at the feeling of someone seeing him like that.

He hurried down the last of the stairs and opened the glass door and went outside. The warm air wafted itself around him in a soft summer breeze. It was warm but not hot enough for him to go without a jacket and the chilly breeze lightened it up. It felt relaxing since he forgot how long it's been outside of his apartment.

He took long strides on his walk. But he couldn't shake the paranoia of being stalked. He was about halfway when he saw a shadow mock him. He walked faster not wanting to have to deal with this today.

The other person's shadow grew larger and bigger as Bucky walked further. When Bucky saw the library and a few he nearly bolted to the building. When he was inside he saw that it was just a lost dog. He was losing it. He sighed his mind relaxing and then jolting when he felt a hand touch his shoulder.

"Hey, are you okay mister?"

A warm voice made his heart pump faster than it already was he felt like he was going to have a heart attack. When he turned around he was met by easily the most beautiful girl. It was you. He thought in that instant that everything about you was perfect the way your eyes looked at him, the way your face was adorable, the way your hair fell behind your ears, the way your lips looked the most perfect shade along with your eyes. He promised himself when he got home that he'd paint his whole apartment that color.

He went cross-eyed from staring at the shape of your lips and how they shaped around the words he couldn't hear from being so entranced by you. He started to feel his heartbeat out of his chest. When he thought of how you'd look with pretty lips wrapped around him and dull bedroom eyes looking up at him through thick eyelashes. He needed to stop, he just met you and now he's so hard against his jeans that he was sure that he was bruised.

And your hands on his shoulders shaking him wasn't helping him. His trance was broken when he realized what was happening. "Huh?" That is all he managed to make out through his lust-clouded mind. You did this face that made him die, it was when your eyebrows furrowed and your lips went to one side pursed together. Your eyes were cut at him and he knew he was in trouble but he just couldn't help being enticed by you.

"I asked if you needed help," You stopped and wagged a finger in his way "You're all sweaty." He looked down at himself and you were right, his hair stuck down and his shirt showed pools. Shit. Way to embarrass yourself, Buck. You're sweaty, you're horny for some girl you just met. He was a trainwreck embodied. "I'm okay, it's just the heat," Bucky spoke with uncertainty. He had no idea what was happening why he was acting like this. He usually never felt like this around a girl, especially one he just met.

Your face was still cut, your lips went back into the fullness of how they are naturally. "Weird but okay." You spoke under your breath since it wasn't sweating weather outside. You were going to be the death of him and thankfully there were only a couple of other people in the library since it was the morning of a weekday.

"There's a cool spot where the ac is over there." She turned and pointed towards the left somewhere. He couldn't concentrate in the slightest even if he tried. And god your body from just the standard shirt and jeans you wore he felt his turn into skinny jeans.

"But anyway if you need me just yell, its y/n." And you left and when you walked away to assist someone else he got the perfect view of your ass. He scurried into the thick of the bookshelves and triple-checked if anyone was around him and adjusted himself.

It was so painful to not jump your bones right there. He rubbed his face with his hands and groaned. Get it together Buck. He realizes that he was going to have to go and talk to you again since he had to check the book in. He mentally stabs himself in the neck.

He calms himself down enough so that he could talk to you again. He feels like a prepubescent boy talking to his crush. Bucky guessed that he lost his cool with talking to girls over the years since he stopped. This was hell. You were at the front desk, the one in front of the door. You were reading some book that he didn't know.

He took a moment to admire the way your hair frames your face, the way your ass jutted out so you could lean over the desk on your forearms. Your free hand, the one not holding your page was used as a support beam for your face under your chin. God you were so beautiful, he hooked his finger under the collar of his shirt and started to flick it back and forth to generate air.

He was the human-dog drooling over a mate. He hated himself for not getting to know you and he already felt like this towards you. He was a monster but he wasn't impolite; he drew the line there. He was in the clouds that he didn't notice you staring at him with squinted eyes. "Can I help you, sir?" Your voice hung on sir in his mind.

He couldn't help but envision you beneath him moaning sir. "Uh, yeah, there's this book" He startled himself when his voice croaked out a response. He patted the pocket of his jacket and had a crisis when he thought he left it at home. But when he shoved his hands into his pocket he let out a smile of relief and grabbed it and slid it over to you on the other side of the desk.

"I need you to check that in and then" He stopped and searched for the piece of paper Yori gave him. He found it crumpled as lint in the bottom of his other pocket and the words faded. "Shit, uh, and check out this." He shoved his hands in his pocket and looked at his feet afraid of confrontation. You silently grabbed the book and checked it in and grabbed the note. You couldn't make out a single letter. Your eyebrows pinched together and when he looked up quickly and then darted his eyes away. He knew that you couldn't.

He wanted a sinkhole to open up and swallow him whole. You scratched the back of your neck trying to decipher the note "I can recommend something similar to the book you turned in, I'm sorry but I can't read this." You spoke with sincerity. And walked out behind the desk and poor Bucky followed you like a lovesick puppy.

You cursed Jordan, another employee for putting the desired book on the top shelf. The bookshelves were very tall and you weren't short but you weren't 7' foot either. You pinched your nose shutting your eyes and put a hand on your hip. "Do you see the book at the very top with the red back?" You muttered and Bucky looked up and saw the issue. "Do you want me to grab it for you?" Bucky looked at you with the softest eyes and you couldn't help but admire them.

You shook your head and lord you were about to melt. His body was brushed up against yours, you could've moved but you really didn't. You could feel the texture of his jacket against your soft skin and you cursed yourself for blushing. He took notice and let a small smile creep on his face when he handed you the book and your head was hung low when you walked back behind the desk.

Bucky guessed that he didn't completely lose his effect on girls. When you were checking out the book he noticed the book you were reading. It was The hobbit. He actually enjoyed the book when he read it when it first came out. He didn't take an interest in fantasy and so he shrugged it off until he actually read it.

When you stamped the books inside the page and slid it back. Bucky smirked "You know they all die in the end." The pure confusion on your face was amusing and with that, he left.

When he got home he started to feel the metal of his arm become rusted and thinking back it had been a while since the last time he cleaned it. He was wanting it to fall off so bad that he forgot he actually needed it.

He wondered where the girl went that texted him before. He didn't want to bother her by texting her first that to him was unnatural. It didn't bother him that much since he used to. And that the date was tomorrow so she would either show up or not and he'd suffer the consequences either way.

He went to the bathroom to grab the grease and a rag he uses every time in the cabinet under the sink.

He stopped shortly catching himself in the shattered mirror. The bandage on his chin began to fall off God forbid it started to at the library. He took it off slowly, the hair of his stubble getting caught in the crossfire. There was a bright pink little scar where the gash was. His skin healed relatively fast but it never cured the scars. He figured if his chin was healed that his hand should be.

He unwrapped his hand slowly for some reason he was scared of what it looked like. When he finally finished unwrapping his palm was littered with scars ranging in size. He touched the scars to see if they hurt with his metal hand and nothing.

Just a scar.

Bucky grabbed the grease and took off his jacket and boots and the first time he moved in he sat on the couch.

It was stiff as ever and it never got out of the store phase. He poured some grease on the white rag and it turned brown and he started to put it in the creases where he noticed it too slow. His mind ran back to you that never happened to him. God he was caught red-handed too, he'd have to take a very long and cold shower when he was done cleaning his arm. The rest of the evening all he could think about was what would happen tomorrow and how he'd destroy the girl of his dreams.

Bucky spent Friday constantly checking his phone for two reasons.

1) to see if his admirer would message him and

2) always checking the time.

He honestly couldn't wait; it's been forever and he was excited about something new. For change. The only source of entertainment he had was the book he checked out earlier. It wasn't the book he was supposed to get. The book in contrast was called American Psycho.

Bucky was about halfway and he fairly enjoyed it. Although it disturbed him since he found similarities in himself with Patrick Bateman. Bucky laughed at all the dark jokes and liked all the points where Patrick lost all sanity; it was the highlight of the book.

Bucky flipped one of the knives carelessly in the hand that wasn't occupied by the book. Bucky loved the power a single knife had. A single slip of the wrist could end something as fast as it began. Time flew by when simple hobbies turned into jobs. He cursed himself because it was seven o clock and he had only an hour to go to the restaurant which was the sushi place that he and Yori used to eat at.

He texted the directions to the girl, he grabbed his glove and jacket and shoved the knife in the back of his belt and fled down the stairs and out the door, and ran the rest of the way.

You sat at the small petite table, your phone clutched in your hand carefully watching the time. When it turned to 8:55 your gut twisted. Maybe he didn't like you as much as you liked him.

The waitress came by once again asking if everything was okay and if you'd like to eat and each time and you'd have to politely decline. You crossed and uncrossed your legs, they grew numb from you sitting in the wooden chair for the past hour. You didn't know what to wear so you opted for a sleek white dress and some heels.

You hoped you didn't overdress and make the wrong impression. You sipped on your water looking through the window to find any hint of your lover boy. You knew what to look for since you knew who it was. But maybe he didn't come and you were set up. How embarrassing this was. Yori told you that he was stubborn but he seemed pretty into you at the library. You know Yori through Leah, an employee at the restaurant who was a friend of yours.

She promised you that she would pay for your meal every time you ate there. How could you refuse? You sighed and began to get up and leave since you thought Bucky gave up on wanting to go on the date. You quickly sat down when you heard the bell of the door ring open and then there he was in all his glory.

Bucky Barnes, in the same leather jacket but you couldn't believe how good he looked underneath the dim light. His bandages were now gone and his face was sullen and structured from the shadows that made his face deepen. You smiled your ruby lips catching Bucky's attention and he hadn't seen something so pleasing to the eye in ages. Although he was confused since he didn't know that it was you who he was texting was there something going on that he didn't know about?

He pulled out the chair and sat across from you with his face stern. "Why didn't you tell me it was you that I was talking to?" He spoke slowly and his head tilted in question like a puppy's. "Yori told me about how you are with dating and he was afraid of you always being alone, and he gave me your number, I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

You fiddled with your fingers when you talked you were nervous about his reaction. You knew all about Bucky's reputation and embarrassing enough growing up you developed a crush on him, so you jumped for this opportunity.

You loved how strong and brave he was and even though he was brainwashed you thought of him as a good person. He chewed on the inside of his cheek thinking of what were the right words to say. "Just no more secrets from now on." With that, he waved down the waitress for a bottle of Shōchū.

After the half, the bottle was gone you couldn't help but be in wonder from how he managed to be able to drink all that meanwhile you were still sipping on your first shot. Every sip you took you gagged and your face turned into a kid who took their first sip of alcohol which made Bucky laugh.

Dinner was going along nicely there were many jokes and stories shared but Bucky couldn't help but be skeptical of how this could work. Bucky was severely messed up and couldn't care for another. He wanted to but he was just incapable, maybe he could just live this lie and things could be normal.

When they called for closure Bucky finished laughing at some remark you made, you and he were sat there talking for a couple of hours. It was just so easy to talk to him. Although you did notice a few times he would wince in pain and put his face in his hands. You thought it was odd but shrugged it off from his excessive drinking. Speaking of the devil he asked

"Do you want to go to my place. There have been complications with my tv so we can't watch a movie, but I can keep you company." You smiled a drunken buzz of Shōchū. Not nearly did you drink as much as Bucky but it was still written across your features. Your face flushed pink and your body made of jello hung off of Bucky's arm the whole walk to his house and Bucky every now and then had to pick you up.

Bucky didn't want to do anything rash to you but in the back of his mind, something kept itching it made it so painful that he couldn't ignore it. It kept making him shake his head and wince it was like a headache but much more painful. When he got into his apartment you took notice of what he meant by complications of a totaled tv. You shed off your heels and sat on the tv nervous to be in Bucky's house, your form off-putting to Bucky.

He sat down across the couch from you and he became hurt by you sitting so far away from him. "Are you scared of me or something?" He spoke grimly staring at the floor, his face holding no emotion to his words. "What? no!" You were shocked by his words. How could he assume that you were scared of him? Bucky looked your way and a strange look appeared in his eyes.

"Then why are you sitting so far away from me?" He gritted his teeth and his hands turned into fists, they were clamped tightly together on his thighs and this side of Bucky did scare you. He wasn't Bucky, he looked like him but his whole persona changed in the span of minutes. You wondered if it was something you said or did.

You became fearful when he fell off the couch onto his knees his head clutched in his hands. He started to scream not like the ones before this one was full of pain and torment. The moon's light made this scene unfold a lot more sinister. What was happening to him, why was he acting this way? Then all of a sudden he grew very quiet nothing could be heard other than your breathing.

You were confused and scared but you did care for Bucky and in his position, you assumed he was in serious need of help. You walked carefully taking notice to not step loudly to provoke him. You crouched down your dress falling over your feet, you reached your right hand out hesitant towards Bucky.

You stayed with your hand on his shoulder

"Bucky?"

You whispered softly, scared to disturb him. Everything was at ease at a calm one that felt too unrealistic.

That was true because a few seconds later Bucky grumbled out

"Who the hell is Bucky."

He slung around his body twisted and grabbed a knife from the back of his belt and stabbed you straight into the heart with it. Before you could even have time to run it was over.

The white of your dress now became a soaking deep red. The way your eyes forever open to the moon the way the moon took your life. And that day was when Bucky Barnes lost his sanity and forever came the winter soldier.

*A few months later*

She sat with her legs crossed, her hair tied up perfectly.

Her posture evenly to the ceiling while sitting. The only one that a soldier would perfect. She read over his portfolio over and over to get every last detail to stick in her mind so she wouldn't forget.

She breathed heavily finishing the last sentence. She took off her glasses and shut the case file on her lap, and put her right elbow up on the white seat, her glasses in the same hand.

She pursed her lips staring at the man in front of her and sat on the white couch in front of a forest mural. He was in all black a blank face, his hair a little longer and his stubble now thicker.

He played with the pink protruding scar on his right hand. Pushing and watching the blood rush to it. She wrote that in the notebook.

When he caught notice he stopped and tilted his head slightly. He narrowed his eyes and stared at her.

He was convicted of third-degree murder and numerous accounts of other convictions.

She thought over all the things that were stated in the portfolio but what struck her the most was that he drank excessively and faked being drunk just to feel

"more human."

She thought of a way to form a sentence to not upset him about what he's telling her to see if what he recollected matched what was in the documents but there was no easy way to do that.

She listened to him finish the last of what he was telling her:

"And that's how the story ended."

Fin.

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rogersstevie · 3 years

Note

i wanna preface this by saying im a fan of bucky but christ bucky is the manic pixie dream 2015 wattpad self insert protagonist type character of the mcu cap fandom and i 100% think its bc hes a hot white cis man who's enough of a blank slate for ppl to both obsessively over analyze every little moment he's in and to fill in all the blanks with whatever they want. im not bashing anyone or saying its necessarily wrong to have a blank slate but i wish ppl would just. calm down abt him a bit lmao

(also as a continuation of the bucky anon i just wanna say that this is like something ive noticed over years of being in the stevebucky fandom with how many ppl esp in fic and stuff just make steve play second fiddle in his own relationship and either dumb him down and mischaracterize him so bucky can be the Smartest Best Special Boy or make him an all forgiving saint with no needs or desires so he can be bucky's crutch)

oh my god that last bit about mischaracterizing steve and bucky being a saint sdfks YEAH it happens a lot, i think especially when there's some sort of steve/bucky/peggy love triangle in the mix

but yeah it did get frustrating at a point bc it was understandable post catws when ppl were writing fics and all they really had to draw from was catfa and the flashback in catws to draw from, and post catws bucky wasn't gonna be exactly like that version of himself, even if he was getting his memories back. but post cacw it's like, okay bucky HAS a personality - and fandom has been saying for years that he doesn't, like you are right that he's just enough of a blank slate to take some liberties, but he DOES have a personality in cw, the problem is more that bc it wasn't actually a captain america movie, steve himself didn't get as much focus so bucky especially didn't get as much as he might have if we'd gotten an ACTUAL cap 3 - so it's like. come on y'all can write him as a real person, you don't have to write him as being more in love with steve, you don't have to write him as a perfect angel who's So Good for loving steve despite whenever steve fucks up, which like, again, in fic are often kinda like, would steve be dumb in that way bc i don't think he would! obvs there are different ways to be smart but steve IS smart

i think part of it also has to do with sebastian and that's another thing that does kinda bug me. like let me be clear i do like sebastian and he is a fantastic actor, but he's one of those ones where ppl just yell about how he's the best actor and i don't think it's actually that he's performing better than most of the actors around him in the mcu, it's just that the character he's playing has all the trauma - as if the other characters don't, we just don't see much of it onscreen lmao - so ppl think that makes him more talented than everyone else (kinda think it was the same thing with dylan o'brien on teen wolf he'd shed a tear and ppl would yell about how he's the best actor in the world and fandom used that to push the main character of color to the side and forget about him in favor of the white sidekick ANYWAY that's bugged me forever though i can acknowledge my fave teen wolf ship is half dylan o'brien's character)

but yeah i think it's gotten somewhat worse since endgame bc fandom really loves the narrative that steve is terrible and selfish and bucky is an angel now, even though......y'all like bucky bc you were fans of the captain america trilogy so how can you buy into the idea that steve would do anything he did endgame. but like so many of those supposed fix it fics? would have steve going back to peggy for a WHILE and coming back to be with bucky - i skimmed one bc i was wary of the summary or tags or both and it was like steve came back as an old man and was like "yeah i spent my life with peggy and now i wanna start over and do it with you, you guys can just de-age me like you did with scott in the time machine :)" (as if that wasn't an accident would they even have been able to figure out how to do it on purpose??) that one was horrible - it's like, at that point, if you think steve sucks and bucky is a baby angel with no spine, why do you even want them to end up together? why on earth WOULD bucky be with steve after these kinds of actions? i don't get it

another thing, like i know sebastian outright said he played it like steve and bucky had had a conversation about going back in time - i think he said the directors told him they did like it's not onscreen! come on! i know you don't have to see everything onscreen but...actors/directors saying it doesn't make it canon - so like yeah obvs watching it, it looks like bucky knows about steve's plan before it's revealed to the audience - and hello, endgame steve straight up lied to everyone else about coming back after he returns the stones like how do y'all think it would be okay for him to ONLY tell bucky and not sam, his other best friend - but like idk, my thing is, just bc they said steve and bucky had a conversation, does not mean it's true, you could just make the argument that bucky knew what steve wanted enough to know what he would do - though let's be clear, the endgame ending is NOT what steve ever wanted in mcu canon lmao - it doesn't mean this conversation actually happened because why else would they re-exchange the "don't do anything stupid till i get back" thing if they both knew steve wasn't going to come back unless it was just for show, which still, like, they're the only ones who knew what they said to each other before bucky shipped out in catfa? anyway this bit probs wasn't relevant to anything you said but it BUGS me

anyway yeah i love bucky but you're exactly right about how fandom interprets him and his relationship with steve it's all just Annoying

#Anonymous #ask #bucky barnes #steve x bucky #mcu #anti endgame #as always #anyway endgame steve is not steve in any way whatsoever #and steve deserves a lot better from fandom across all sides tbh

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writefasttalkevenfaster · 4 years

Text

Arranged Chapter I (Poe Dameron x Reader)

Pairing: Poe Dameron x F!Reader (no Y/N)

Rating: None for this chapter (series: E)

Word Count: 4,004

Summary: Prince and Princess of your respective planets you both agree to wed, not for love, but for advantage and the public cannot know. But there’s only one problem -- the two have never met, not until your wedding day.

A/N: so this has been several months in progress. I’ll be tagging folks who liked my original post (if you don’t want to be tagged, just shoot me a message!). there’s a lot of set up in this chapter, but i promise it will pay off. I hope you give this series a read b/c its really something special to me. Special shoutouts to @laneygthememequeen, @bucky-of-the-opera, and @mrsrafaelbarba for all the support!!!

"Come on Poe, you cannot have seriously agreed to this," Poe Dameron did not bother to look from the mirror, eyes concentrated on delicately tucking the wide end into the knot before pulling it down into a nearly perfect loop. But why then, why did it feel like he was tying the noose around his neck before his long walk to the gallows? The dread his stomach certainly sat like it - twisting his guts into a kriffing useless knot, much like the one around his neck.

"I already agreed to it, Finn," the knot hung a little crooked - well perfect enough - just as his life was, "long time ago."

Was it that long? It was an instant. An instant that he went from sitting in his mother’s lap in her x-wing, listening to her hum, as she flipped switches and steered the ship across the sky over the Queen’s palace. The quiet buzz of the engine lulled him sleep, until she would rouse him as they swooped in for a soft landing after the daily patrol of the perimeter. The oranges of the sky now inky black, nothing but a glittering scattering of stars and distant planets he knew nothing of.

And now, he was stuffed in a stranger’s all too stuffy suit, tying a tie, and his feet cramping in tight shoes - and as he stared at himself in the mirror - he barely recognized himself. Probably because he definitely didn’t choose these clothes. A tradition - the bride’s family chooses the groom’s clothes. As he resisted the urge to squirm in his aching feet in his shoes, he wondered if they were hoping he couldn’t run with blue and purple feet.

“Two weeks isn’t that long ago,” But two weeks wasn’t when he decided. Two weeks ago was when he confirmed it - confirmed that he would do anything to please his Queen, the person who took him in when he had no one - when he had lost everyone. And this - this wasn’t a loss - it was a gain. A gain, of another at his side.

Finn shook his head, heaving a sigh, “Just tell me, tell me you’re not just doing this for the agreement.”

Was it the agreement why he was doing this? Yes, the troops the neighboring planet of Shar could give could end the war, the relief from supplies could stop millions from starving, and the bloodshed, the one that had stained his hands for all too long, could stop. He could finally stop — stop waking up in cold sweats from the images of broken children haunting him, the ghosts of families poking and prodding at his subconscious, until he begged for mercy. It could stop.

An offer like this didn't come around twice. Except that it did — and she had said no.

His Queen.

Queen Leia Organa, his mother by all intents and circumstances, received an offer for an alliance a long time ago, and all that was needed was a hand in marriage - and since Ben's hand was already promised - it only left him. It was considered and mulled over and examined time and time again. The Queen couldn't deny the offer was favorable — especially with forces stirring, plotting, scheming in the background. But in the foreground was her son. Barely old enough to read, much less decide on an offer of marriage. She said no, because at that time, she had the choice.

But this time, she didn’t. And neither did he.

“I’m not just doing it for the agreement,” he intoned, mustering up a small smile, “Even if I am, as my advisor, shouldn’t you be trying to make sure I go through it?”

He saw Finn frown at him in the mirror, “As your advisor, I’m trying to assure you aren’t making a rash decision,” he paused, before adding, “and as your friend, I’m trying to make sure you’re not being a kriffing idiot.”

“According to you and Rey, aren’t I always?” he laughs, but it echoes hollowly in his chest, and for a moment he allows himself to feel the weight of his decision - he would spend his life with a stranger. Would they grow used to each other? Would they hate each other? Or worst of all, would they mean nothing to each other? And then the counterbalance weighed in - the war, the shortages, and his mother. He turns to face Finn, “I know it’s the right decision.”

“How do you know?”

He only smiles, “Because Queen Organa wouldn’t have agreed to it otherwise.” And he hopes that’s true, hopes it’s enough.

“We should get going,” Finn says, but his words don’t register. Not really. Instead, Poe stares out the window, and nearly just out of sight, the very tip of the pavement of the landing strip peeked through, the end of an x-wing barely visible. It would be so easy. Too easy to sneak out of here, feet pounding down the pavement, slipping past every guard, until it was too late to stop him. His head against the rest of the pilot’s seat, thrum of the engine buzzing in his ears, and he would be gone. He would fly somewhere, anywhere he did not have to be responsible for the lives of so many people, somewhere he did not have to follow his duty — somewhere he just could take care of himself. Instead of everyone else.

Finn claps him on his shoulder, and he's ejected from his fantasy, “Hey, you okay?" And a small voice nags at the back of his head, after the war, after the war, after the war. Maybe things could be different - maybe he could be free. Things change. People too. As do commitments to treaties. Alliances fall and rise with only the flick of a royal’s finger, and why couldn’t his life too? “We can’t be late, it’s your wedding after all.”

Then why, he thought as he steeled himself, pushing himself to take one step after the other, why did it feel like my funeral?

~~~~

The march from his quarters to the hall was a lengthy one. One in which every doubt rears its unwelcome ugly head again, whatever seemingly committed front he had put up to Finn shattered in its wake. Now his eyes just looked for exits. Whatever instilled duty and steadiness he had long abandoned him as he left his room, now leaving only with traitorous thoughts and antsiness in his fingers. But eyes — eyes were watching him. Even now as he walked towards where the procession was waiting for his arrival, he felt the gazes of every guard he passed, every servant, every nobleman fall upon him with smiles and well wishes. And imagine what those smiles would be if they could hear his actual thoughts? How quickly those smiles would turn to scorn at his own selfishness? How fast those well wishes would turn to hissed sneers? The math was simple. A single hand to save many. A choice with only one right option. But why did he want the wrong one?

But why was it wrong? Why was it wrong to want to want to have a choice? Why was it so wrong to want to choose who to love?

It wasn’t wrong, he swallowed the lump in his throat as he spotted the procession standing at attention, the colors of the Resistance in full thrust, he just didn’t have a choice.

Or rather he did. His family and his planet or a chance at an unknowable future.

He gave Finn a nod, before facing the procession, striding forward to take his place. And he would choose his people - every time.

~~~

“Add more color to her lips,” The Empress of Shar ordered sharply, smoothing her tone over with a saccharine smile that only assured you that this servant would be fired by the end of day, “We want her husband to be completely enraptured by her — anything less will not be tolerated.” Or perhaps, it would be something worse than a simple dismissal.

Instead, your eyes remained concentrated on the delicate designs that had been drawn on the backs of your hand, patterns of vines and leaves intertwined around each other, bound in the same fate. These same hands that saw battle, bruised and battered and bloodied, were now dressed up in rings and bracelets, drawing eyes to the designs that adorned your skin. And while these tattoos were ephemeral, the passage of time scrubbing them from your hands, the ceremony they represented were not.

That knowledge weighed on you, heavier than the weight of your wedding clothes against your body. Your mother had you dressed before dawn had broken, and even your muscles nearly buckled under the weight, the clothes embroidered to the point of absurdity. And now in the sunlight, you could see it clearly, ornate designs painstakingly stitched into shimmering waves and complicated lattices upon the ivory fabric. You resisted the urge to finger the designs, knowing your mother would lose her mind if even a single bead was out of place.

The fingers of the servants tugged and pulled on the strands of your hair into an intricate braid, weaving ribbons, golden thread, and flowers into the complicated knots. You bit your tongue as they yanked particularly hard. Complaining would only incite the Empress’s wrath - and you didn’t wish that upon even your worst enemies.

The Empress of Shar left no enemies behind. And those she did, she left with their heads on a pike. It was in the name of duty. That's what she told you, anyway.

"Duty first, mercy second," and you learned quite quickly that mercy often didn't come. If ever. Mercy was reserved for only those situations where the Empress had something to gain — and was assured she had nothing to lose. And your wedding was one of them. It would have been all too simple to storm the planet of D’qar, beaten into submission after attack upon attack by their enemies. All it would have taken was one unit — the im’petis — the force users and their army would have been razed to the ground. But war is messy. War never ends. Even when all said and done, the seeds of revenge fester in the crevices and cracks of a broken kingdom, until blooming into swathes of rebellion. Too many warm bodies lost. Too much wasted time.

No, it was better - better to forge an alliance, quell any hint of impropriety, instead two planets become one kingdom. And D’qar and the Resistance gain the support of Shar’s vast resources, while Shar’s gains the aid of their technology. The only cost? Your freedom.

Or your hand in marriage. All the same to you.

You couldn’t run. You couldn’t escape. It was a choice of your family or your life.

And you choose your family. Always.

“Now, it is time for you to meet your husband,” The Empress waves the servants away, and as quickly as they came, they disappear through the double doors, “We will bring you out. The ceremony will be performed separately at first, and then you will be brought before each other as husband and wife,” her lips curl into a smile, “and darling, this must go well, for both our sakes.”

“Yes, I understand,” she raises a brow, “my Empress.”

She nods, “Your ladies in waiting will escort you to the procession, and then you and Poe will live on this planet for a time, before returning to Shar. I expect to hear from you, at the end of every month. Especially before your return to Shar."

You would spend a few months on D'qar, here, as the kingdom prepares for the transfer of power from Queen Organa to Prince Ben."

“Yes,” your throat tight, you give another nod, “I understand.”

“I imagine you will have little trouble. The prince is flighty - weak minded and eager, in both romantic and unromantic pursuits,” she stops in front of you, staring, and you wonder if she can see the weakness in your heart, every thought in your mind telling you to run now, to refuse. But she says nothing, only winding a curl framing your face around her finger, tugging on it harshly, a thread of pain running through your head, “but may I remind of the stakes of this. All of Shar is relying on you, as is your mother. Do not forget your place.”

She lets go and the curl bounces back into place, as she turns to leave, her hand pausing on the door handle, “And don’t forget,” she smiles at you warmly, which only makes your blood run colder, “you two fell in love on a diplomatic mission, and now are being wed,” a ploy - to garner support from the public - it was far better in the eyes of the simple folk to marry for love rather than power. Love sells after all, “So don’t forget to smile at your betrothed - you are in love with him after all.”

The door closes with a click. Yes. Love. Of course.

No tears well in your eyes nor do you scream. You sit there, staring at your luggage. You had been flown to D’qar night before last. The air was lighter here — less humid, somehow sweeter than the aridity on Shar. But now, it felt strangling. You rose, bracelets clanging against your wrists, lifting your skirt as you strided forward. You unzipped one of the bags, stuffed with gowns and dress shirts alike, the material heavy as your arm waded through the sea of silk, until your fingers found the false bottom to the bag. Your fingers snaked through the opening, until they closed around what you sought. You pulled the lightsaber from the bag, staring at the intricate design of the hilt, its weight a comfort in your hands. Only days ago you had spent cutting down Shar’s enemies, and now - you would do it again.

Only this time — there was a knock at the door, and you buried the saber as quickly as you could in the luggage — the deaths would not be on the battlefield, they would be in a palace.

~~~~

Poe’s stomach twisted. He did not like this.

A thousand eyes watched him atop the platform set up by both the people of D’qar and Shar alike. All of whom were watching him now as he sat - trying not to fidget in his throne. Drapes of colors of both kingdoms hung - some separately and others in unison, representing the merging of the two planets and of this union. And they hung all around the stage as well, a barrier from the public’s eyes - but only barely - as he could spot their eager eyes between the parting of the banners.

He did not like this at all.

A lone soul, his stomach lurching as he waited for the ceremony to begin. A million eyes on him, and not a soul he knew beside him. He wished Finn or Rey - someone could have joined him. He resisted the urge to squeeze his eyes shut - at least the Queen. But they were following Shar's traditions, down to the dotted line - part of the agreement.

A neutral expression would suffice instead of a smile, hoping he appeared to be an anxious groom rather than a miserable prince. The officiant would be joining him soon enough, but it did not make him feel any less lonely by himself. Usually, the men of the bride and groom would join the soon to be husband, but - his stomach twisted again - neither of them were around were they? The one thing he knew that he shared with you - the lack of a father, or perhaps the fleeting memory of one. More a ghost than anything now.

The corners of his eyes stinged, nails digging into his palms, the nagging thought in the back of his head wrenched to the forefront: what would he think of his son? Marrying a stranger he had never met. Would he be proud of his dedication to the kingdom he had lost his life for? Or would he want something more for him? Something like he and his mom had.

The chatter outside grew, and he readied himself for the officiant. But did it even matter? He was alone in the end - in life and in marriage.

“You look quite sad for a man on his wedding day,” his head snapped to attention, as he moved to get up, but his Queen waved him off, “It is your wedding day, you need not rise for me.”

“But don’t I always anyway, Your Majesty?” he gave a weak smile, rising to his feet as she sat, wrinkling her nose at his formality, but holding her tongue (knowing he would use her title anyway), “How many Sharians heads’ did you have to bite off to allow you to be here?”

The corner of her mouth twitched, “Only one. And I did not bite anyone’s head off - I only had to ask, and made it clear to the Empress I was only going to ask once to be at my son’s side during his wedding.”

Son, his throat tightened, swallowing the feelings that rose with that word - the word that wasn’t a word, but so much more - it was the very reason he had agreed to this. More than the scorn, the hatred he would engender, maybe even the crushing guilt of the lives lost - or maybe he couldn’t — but he knew only for certain: that he couldn’t bear the thought of his mother being disappointed in him.

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” he says quietly, and she looks over, lips curled in a smile now.

She raises a brow, “No remarks to be made?”

Poe looked to the audience as all rose for the approaching officiant, and he knew he wouldn’t run - not because he couldn’t - but because he could live with marrying someone he didn’t know, but he couldn’t live without his home.

~~~

You didn’t want to have this ceremony. You liked the beauty of it all, the elegance, but only from an outsider’s perspective. Not when you were the one sitting like a shyyyo bird in a cage. You hated all the eyes on you — dressed in bright plumage to draw their gazes, as they watched you take part in this forced mating ritual.

Maker, it was your wedding day and all you want to do is take a nap. Especially as the officiant's droning voice led you through the vows, you felt your mind wane, though you kept the outer mask of a bride carefully stitched into your features. Even so, you doubted they could see your face through the thick veil of flowers tied around your head, the string digging into your skull. Even through the thick perfume of flowers, sweet and heady, you could smell the distant aroma of dinner - savory and ambrosial - stewing in pots and warming until this ceremony was over. You almost didn’t care if your stomach growled - after fourteen hours in this outfit and being poked and prodded and watched - you were ready to eat.

And it would be soon enough - as the vows came to an end, with only a word of affirmation needed from the groom and from you. A comlink hooked up to project sound throughout the building - as one was offered to you and most assuredly to him, as so everyone could hear you affirm your love for one another. And it occurred to you, this would be the first time you heard his voice. Curiosity edged in at the corners of your mind - what would his voice be like? Would it be gruff and low? Would it be smooth and dulcet? Would it be pompous and orotund?

It was one Sharian phrase, but you repeated the word over and over in your head - knowing that a second of hesitation (or Maker forbid a mispronunciation) would look suspicious.

You hear the officiant ask, “Hal’e turbi hayatak bihah?” Do you bind your life to hers?

“Nam 'uqad hayati,” Yes, I bind my life to hers. The Shar words rolled off his tongue with clumsy vowels and exaggerated consonants. You had no expectations, and yet his voice was different than you expected. It was neither gruff nor pompous, you supposed it could be smooth or dulcet, but it was still something more than that - and you realized, it was the conviction in his tone.

For Sharians, arranged marriages were second nature - a tried and true practice that made for marriages that would last a lifetime, most by choice, but others by obligation. You thought nothing of it - it was the same risk anyone took when marrying for love, and the same traps that anyone could fall into in a bad marriage. But for D’qar? Their people have married for love almost as long as they have existed. Even Prince Ben, whose hand had been promised to another, it was because he had fallen for another. So for the precious prince, it couldn’t have been easy to agree to this. And yet, he seemed sure - that it gave you pause - when was the last time you had been so sure of anything?

You weren’t even sure when you had agreed to this - though it wasn’t like you were given much of a choice. You were perfect after all - the perfect stand in for the princess, one that didn’t exist. There was never a choice that was yours after you agreed to join the Sharian Guard - and even that was a choice between certain death and indentured servitude.

“Hal’e turbi hayatak biha?”

You swallow the lump in your throat, all hope of running dissipating, as you feel the Empress’s gaze on you, “Nam 'uqad hayati.”

The crowd cheers in time with the band, the low notes a quiet boom in the background, as you and your groom rise from your chairs and are led down the steps of your individual stages — you by the Empress and him by his mother. Other instruments join in with each delicate step you take, building to an inevitable crescendo when the two of you finally see each other for the first time.

The first time.

Your throat is dry, and swallowing does nothing to soothe the very much throbbing heart tangled in your vocal cords. You realize that he’s before you when the Empress’s guiding hand stops, drifting away from your shoulder. Thousands of eyes pierce you from every side, your knees threatening to knock together, but you will them to be still. Princesses of Shar did not shake — but of course, you thought mournfully, you were not one.

“Please lift the veil and allow your eyes to meet your betrothed,” the officiant orders.

Gentle fingers part your flowered veil, lifting it over your head. You blink.

Brown. That’s the first thing you notice when you see them. They were a softer brown than expected. You had heard the rumors about the prince — about his thrill seeking as a pilot and his disregard for the rules (authorizing an attack the Queen had explicitly objected to). You expected more fire, more darkness, and it was there — but there was something more you couldn't place. His eyes blinked as he saw you too, his lips parting, a gentle gaze caressing your face, instead of raking down its sides. His brow only ruffled for a moment, before he smiled Lips pulled wide into a smile and that's when you remembered — oh yes. You were supposed to be in love.

You match him in time, chiseling your expression into a shy gaze, a smile tugging at your lips. And his hand found yours easily, his fingers intertwining with his to face the crowd. Even as your stomach stuck to the soles of your feet, why was it that, even with a thousand eyes piercing you, you couldn't help but stare at him?

~~~

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#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron imagines #star wars imagines #star wars fanfiction #poe dameron fanfiction

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in-a-constant-daydream6 · 4 years

Text

Completely & Utterly

Bucky x reader

Word count: 2,052

A/N: this is my first attempt at writing so it’s probably awful lol :) feedback is very much appreciated and welcomed! hope you enjoy! (hopefully its not too bad) :)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Hey, you okay kid?” Tony asks his voice laced with concern. Returning back to reality your tear filled eyes find Tony’s. You quickly whisper a “yes” which is followed by a poor attempt at a smile. You hadn’t intended for it to come out as a whisper but the softness of Tony’s voice combined with your emotional state creates a lump in your throat.

The bar holds the usual chatter and warmth. It is classy yet cosy, and the monotonous downpour of rain only elevates the warmth and brightness of its interior. However, today Starks bar (called ‘The Iron Man’) didn’t bring the same joy it once did. In an attempt to hold your tears back, you take a sip of your lemonade.

Your hands pick at the corner of the beer mat whilst Tony places his hand on your shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Well, if you need anything you know where to find me.” You nod and Tony makes his way back to the bar giving handshakes and quirky comments to those who come here regularly.

It had been a year since your best friend Bucky had left for New York. One whole year. God, You shouldn’t be this heartbroken still. But you were because he wasn’t just your best friend, he was the person who made you laugh until your stomach ached with pain, he was the person you would have midnight phone calls with…he was the person who you shared your childhood with. You don’t know the exact moment you realised you loved him more than a friend, but maybe there wasn’t a moment. Maybe you had always loved him completely and utterly.

————————————————————————-

1 year ago (the day before Bucky left for New York)

Huddled in a corner of the room, you and Nat speak in hushed tones. “Y/N you need to tell him before he leaves tomorrow.”

“I can’t” you stammer “this is a huge opportunity for him, I can’t just go up to him and say ��hey Bucky I just wanted to say that I’m in love with you and I think I have been for like forever. Have a nice life in New York though,” exhaling a stressed sigh you massage your temple. Why couldn’t I have just plucked up the courage and told him years ago?!

“Y/N look at me. You are one of my closest friends - I consider you a sister, which is why I think you should tell him. I know the timing isn’t ideal.”

“Ideal?” You interrupt “Its awful. It would be selfish of me to tell him now.”

“No it wouldn’t” Nat’s soft tone is comforting “you will be selfish if you don’t tell him. He should leave knowing your true feelings. Perhaps he feels the same way about you and he’s leaving because he thinks you don’t feel the same way.”

“And if he does feel the same way, which I highly doubt he does…what if he then decides to stay. I would feel terrible…I would feel like I was preventing him from reaching his absolute potential and like I was holding him back from chasing his dreams. You know how excited he is Nat.” You say with a dejected tone.

There’s a silent pause. Nat looks at you with a mixture of concern and sadness in her eyes. “Well whatever you decide just know that I’m here for you - no matter what.” She reaches for your hand and gives you a smile which evokes a warmth within you. What would you do without Nat? …What will you do without Bucky?

You return her smile, although it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “Thank you Nat, really, it means a lot. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“Your life would be hell without me” and she’s back to her usual playful self in which you are truly grateful for.

“Im not interrupting anything, am I?” Bucky asks. You look over your shoulder when Nat says “Of course not, I’m just heading to ladies so if you’ll excuse me,” which is followed by a reassuring wink.

“Hey, I haven’t seen you much this evening. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah” you weakly muster whilst trying to give a convincing smile.

“It’s just…you’ve been kinda distant lately and that isn’t like you at all. We always tell each other everything, and I know I’m going to New York but it’s only one year, and you can come and visit, and we’ll FaceTime and call all the time.” He places his hand on your arm and gives you his signature smile, which never fails to send your heart flying.

“Im fine, really….work has just been…stressful lately, thats all.” His glassy blue eyes search yours and you immediately know that he’s not buying it.

“How long have we known each other Y/N? I know when your lying,” he runs his fingers through his hair and lets out a sigh, “I thought you’d be happy for me - I’d be happy for you. You know I thought I’d be able to spend my last day with my best friend, I thought we’d have a great day celebrating with all of our friends which would allow me to feel content before heading onto the plane…but I guess not.” he expresses, hurt entwined with every word.

Thoughts are racing through your head, you thought you’d be able to carry on pretending for just one more day (obviously not). Your pause and absence of words cause Bucky to walk away. You promptly follow him to an empty room, you can still hear Steve and Sam’s laughter which seems to then blend into music and chatter.

“Wait…Bucky” you plead, grabbing his arm. His muscles tense, making you realise how physically strong he has become - unlike his gawky teenage years.

He stops and looks at you with hurt reflecting in his eyes, “What Y/N?”

You don’t know whether a surge of courage or stupidity takes over you but you manage to muster the three words you have always wanted to tell him, “I-I…love you.”

“What-what did you say?” his voice is subdued. You know he heard you but confusion forces him to ask anyway.

“I love you Bucky, completely and utterly.” Your voice breaks and you can feel your eyes begin to fill with tears.

“Why…why haven’t you told me…before?,” he shakes his head in confusion and rubs his face, “why are you telling me a day before I leave for New York?”

“I promise you, I didn’t plan to tell you today”

He cuts in “So when were you going to tell me?! I can’t-I cant do this…not now.”

Your heart breaks “okay,” your voice is almost a whisper, “I’m really sorry Buck, I really didn’t mean to do this right now but…” your voice trails away as you don’t know what else there is to say.

He nods whilst biting his lip, “I know…you- um, don’t need to worry about coming to the airport with me tomorrow… it’s really early so…I’ll give you a ring when I get there.” He walks away before you can say anything, and you let the tears run down you cheeks.

You don’t know how long you are standing there before Nat embraces you, cooing gently “it’s okay.”

———————————————————————

Back to present day

“You know if you smile that much you might pull a muscle.” Looking up you see one of your closest friends, Natasha. The redhead walks over to sit by you with a grin on her face and the usual mischievous glint in her eyes. You couldn’t help but reciprocate the grin.

“And why, might I add, are you drinking lemonade when we are supposed to be celebrating your new job?” She raises her eyebrows at you but then her demeanour changes. She places her hand on top of yours and you look up. “You heard about Bucky?”

You nod, scared that if you try to talk you’ll start crying.

You did speak to Bucky several times after that night but it was awkward, neither one of you knowing what to say, eventually the calls stopped. It hurt, and not just because he didn’t love you back but because you felt like you had lost your best friend.

You tried your best to move on and you think Sam, Steve, Clint and Wanda believed it. However, Tony didn’t - but he didn’t pry and you appreciated that, he did however check to make sure that you were okay. Of course, Natasha knew that you were hurting and you were able to express your true emotions in front of her.

You don’t know how many movies you watched together or how many times she held you while you broke down, but you did manage to move on with your life and things were…good. You and Nat still shared an apartment which was great, and every Saturday the others would come over for drinks and/or a movie (usually ending in fits of laughter). It was actually during the last Saturday get together, that you had overheard Steve and Sam talk about Bucky. And that’s when you heard he was going to propose to his girlfriend. It caught you by surprise, you knew he had been dating her for a while but you weren’t quite expecting a proposal. You had also heard Steve voice his concerns about Bucky and how he didn’t sound like his usual self, but Sam shrugged it off and said he was probably nervous about proposing.

................................................................................

“I’m happy for him - really.” You gave your best attempt at a smile. Nat didn’t buy it but she didn’t say anything further as the others had arrived and were heading towards your table. Sam was first to wrap his arms around you, “Congratulations! Wow, a journalist! Well, if you need any interesting stories-”

“She wont go to you,” Nat interjects, a grin plastered on her face.

Everyone laughs and Steve slaps slam on the back, “you were asking for that.” They all give you a hug and express how proud they are of you and your new job.

Before sitting down Sam asks Tony for drinks. “You do know that I own this place. I don’t work as a waiter. And anyway, I’m off duty now. I’ve spent all day having meetings and talking about possible events, so this is my time to relax and enjoy myself.”

“Don’t worry I’ll get them” Clint states rolling his eyes.

You actually managed to put Bucky aside from your thoughts, and were enjoying your evening. You looked at the faces sitting around the table, laughing and joking, and you couldn’t help but smile. You were so thankful to have them in your life.

“Another round?” You ask which gets a chorus of enthusiastic yeahs, making you giggle.

You head over to the bar and relay the list of drinks to the bartender. Waiting for your drinks you tap your fingers on the counter and glance around the bar. That is until your eye catches a familiar face entering the bar. Your heart drops.

“Bucky?” You muster.

“Hey,” his eyes drop to the ground and he gives a shy smile, “its been a while.”

A mixture of shock and confusion leaves you speechless, “what-what are you…doing here? I thought you were in New York?”

You search his eyes before properly taking a look at him. You then notice he’s cut his hair short, its not long like it once was. You realise you’re staring, so you avert your gaze.

There’s a long pause, and you both just stand there awkwardly.

You go to say something when he says, “I’ve missed you…and yes I am supposed to be in New York. As much as I love New York, its not home-”

“I thought you were getting engaged-“

This time Bucky is the one to interrupt, “No, well, Sharon kept saying how she wanted to get married and everyone just assumed that I would propose. She’s great but the truth is I didn’t love her, I was able to fool myself for a while but…she just wasn’t you.”

He shrugs and gives you a sad smile, “I love you Y/N… completely and utterly….”

#bucky #bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #james buchanan barnes #the winter soldier #the winter soldier x reader #marvel #sebastian stan #oneshot #bucky barnes one shot

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namjoon-koya · 5 years

Text

I’ll see you soon.

ENDGAME SPOILERS so if you haven’t seen the movie don’t read this:)

A/N: I decided to write a short one-shot with Bucky Steve and the reader it’s all ploatnic. I’m just gonna say this when I was writing this I literally almost cried like a little baby I am because y’know endgame played with our emotions a lot :(

Pairing: Bucky x Steve x Teen! Reader (platonic)

Warning: angst/ fluff

———————————

After Thanos was defeated everyone went back home, you hugged Peter on the way back home the avengers lost Tony and Natasha you felt tears sting your eyes.

It wouldn’t feel the same anymore you all were suppose to go back home you let a shaky sigh escape your lips you looked out the window to see the stars and galaxies “thank you Tony.. Nat..”

They had sacrificed themselves to get everyone back home to reunite families back together and friends.

———

You and Bucky walked together to go met Steve he said that he needed to talk to the both of you apparently it was urgent once you saw him you gave him a hug “hey cap.” You said smiling.

“Y/N Bucky..” he inhaled taking in a deep breathe he seemed so serious yes he was serious back then but it felt like he was going to say something that would effect the both of you “I-I’m going back to be with Peggy..” you blinked a few times “w-wait your.. leaving?”

He silently nodded “n-no you can’t!” “Y/N-“ “no dad! What about us Steve?! Do you have any idea how bad that’d effect us?!” He looked down not being able to say anything or look at you.

Why were you acting so selfish? You thought Steve needed to be happy he deserved the happiness in the world but go back? In the past? To the 1940s? You silently cursed at yourself for not supporting him.

“I-I’m sorry Steve.. whatever you want I’ll support you no matter what.” He gave you a warm smile “thank you Y/N.. Bucky?” His best friend gave him a nod “whatever you want Steve im with you till the end of the line.” You didn’t realize that you started crying.

Steve pulled you and Bucky in for a hug you sobbed into his shoulder after a while you guys pulled apart “I’ll see you later captain..” he nodded finally he was gone you stood there for a while “Y/N?” You turned to Bucky “I’m sad.. really sad but.. I’m not angry or upset.. I hope he got that dance with Peggy like he always promised her.”

Bucky smiled “you know how your uncle is he loved her.” You smiled wiping the tears away from your face “yea I know he did that’s why I’m glad he’s happy again with her.”

The music played in the background as Steve wrapped his arm around Peggy they both danced slowly to the music both of them smiling at each other; he pulled her in for a kiss.

You let a sad smile form on your lips, you remembered the stories Steve told you about her the love of his life the girl that saw only him you chuckled he made you believe in true love.

You crouched down and touched the spot Steve was standing on “goodbye.. Captain America..” you got up and looked at Bucky “let’s go home?” He nodded “let’s go Y/N.” You laid your head on his shoulder as he pulled you closer.

#endgame spoilers #endgame spoiler #avengers endame spoilers #avengers spoilers #marvel spoilers #endgame imagine #endgame one-shot #avengers imagine #marvel imagine #avengers one shot #marvel one shot #steve x teen!#bucky x teen!

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papistark · 5 years

Text

Okay. I’ve allowed a night to let everything sink in. I’m ready to talk about Endgame now.

*cinemasins voice* spoilers!! (duh..)

so the wounds are still fresh. v v v v v v v v v fresh. but my thoughts during the entire movie were just OMG IM TRYING TO REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE THING THAT IS HAPPENING SO I CAN REMEMBER IT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE BEFORE i inevitably go see this movie again

This is what the movie reduce me to like 99% of the time btw

now, I’m gonna try and break this up to be as organized as possible into 4 main sections which will be general thoughts, the highs, the lows, and closing thoughts. that may sound organized but I promise it won’t be and as always I’ll have to use bullet holes to even stay relatively "organized"

I'm sure I'm leaving stuff out that I either loved or would wanna discuss but tbh the ENTIRE FILM i was just like GOD I WANNA REMEMBER THIS FOREVER!! Every scene that happened i was like god there's still 3 hours of stuff that's going to happen but I want to remember it all!!!

Overall

this movie was good. and i’m mad it was so good and i found it so enjoyable for how dirty they did me. The pacing was pretty well done for a first viewing, but I'm sure after a couple rewatches I'll get caught up on the occasional misstep in the pacing and general direction the story took, but I really liked it!!

I thought the Thor stuff was kinda distasteful and honestly a joke that ran too long. Like ha ha okay we get it but also? He went through so much fucking trauma can we just lay off him? Damn? I don't wanna linger too much on it bc honestly the more I think about it the more I get upset the russos did him dirty

all the callbacks??? made me so emotional????? eleven years and almost two dozen films guys holy fucking shit it felt like such a good homage to bring stuff back

Yo literally when they went up to busted ass thanos i leaned over to my bf and whispered "are they just gonna kill thanos in the first ten minutes is that allowed" and uh YEP! WOW

Also the opening scene being Clint's family getting dusted... gasps in my theater y'all they went in hard on us

TIME HEIST!!!!!! FUCK marvel knows how to take you on a fun journey!! The concept was so fun!!

I also appreciate them mixing up the plot a bunch to keep us guessing!! Like fuck, when Thanos was finding out through Nebula... future nebula talking to past gamora i was SO SOFT... sisters...

Hulk was... weird. It felt a weird kind of fanservicey for a little bit, and honestly a little out of place? But. Eh. Wasn't the worst part. Certain parts of it were fun! I think I got used to it haha

Everyone looked. So good. After the time jump. Damn. Thank you make up department for everyone's new looks. I live for silver fox tony always.

I loved seeing Loki again i know it was so little content BUT I DONT CARE I'LL ALWAYS LOVE MY FUCKING PRINCE

We didn't get as much Nebula and Tony content as I was hoping but god it was so cute and tender in the beginning. Imagine all that bonding. Nebula finding tony on the floor, knowing he's on the brink of death, and propping him up in the seat :'(((( tony helping fix nebula :(((( the father daughter relationship we deserved and didn't get to see come to fruition.

AMERICA'S ASS. THANK YOU SCOTT LANG.

All the New York flash back was so fucking fun. The elevator scene. Brilliant. I really thought they were gonna recreate but it was such a fun tease. Also cap making fun of his past self for saying "i could do this all day" I SCREAM why do the Russo's get steve so well

Carol taking a direct punch in the face from Thanos without even flinching? We stan a goddess

ALSO SHORT HAIRED CAROL YESSSS I LIVED!!!!! YES!!!! (But also that movie could've used like way more Carol thats just mY OPINION)

Also AGAIN, I DON'T CARE THAT IT WAS FAN SERVICE, STEVE WEILDING MJOLNIR WAS E V E R Y T H I N G. They have TEASED US since that one middle avengers movie we don't talk about that he was worthy and!!! Our!! Son!! Is!! Fucking!!! Worthy. And the scene of thor making him swap w/ him "you get the little one" i screamed bitch

also I was living for how much Steve swore in this film lol literally fuck joss Whedon's characterization we don't know her!

Valkyrie on a Pegasus thank you THANK YOU i was living

That entire final action scene..... holy fucking shit y'all. It was just crazy enough without being too crazy. I loved the callback to the original long continuous shot

THE HEAVENS OPENED UP AND SANG WITH THAT A-FORCE SCENE. YES. ALL THE MARVEL LADIES LINING UP. THEY ARE HERE AND THEY ARE THE STRONGEST OF US ALL. A-FORCE. FUCKING A-FORCE. Thank you Russo's for my LIFE

Carol's little "hi peter parker :)" god i love them. I love peter. My fucking spider son. I missed him so much. I missed Tom Holland's sweet peach little face AH I CRIED WHEN HE SHOWED BACK UP

Also last kind of ~general~ thought i know i don't get time travel at all and it is an instant way to confuse me in any franchise but wouldn't steve doing what he did fuck literally everything up idk we'll get to steve in a bit

Highs

morgan

fucking

stark

I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT FED WITH SUCH GOOD TONY CONTENT THIS FILM ONLY FOR THEM TO STOMP ON MY HEART LMAOOO

DAD TONY BEING AS LOVING AND DOTING AND SWEET AND TENDER W/ HIS DAUGHTER AS WE ALL HAVE HEADCANONED HIM TO BE FOR YEARS!!!

TONY GETTING HIS JUSTIFICATION IN BEING MAD not just mad but PISSED at Cap for how everything fell out. catharsis. felt good scoob.

speaking of good tony content of course i need to just take a moment to YELL ABOUT STONY thank you russos for the fan service thank you for having tony ogle and comment on steve rogers’ ass it almost makes up for all the pain and suffering

btw do y’all think the H. for Morgan’s middle name stands for Harley because I LIKE TO THINK SO

also am i lowkey annoyed that like half of viewers won’t recognize an adult ty simpkin at tony’s funeral at the end even tho i know i shouldn't be because ot everyone is a die hard BUT half the articles im looking up for reviews and shit of that scene literally all the results are “SO WHO IS THAT KID AT THE END OF ENDGAME” YOU FUCKING FOOLS IT’S TONY’S FIRST BORN SON HARLEY KEENER FROM IRON MAN 3. FUCKS. im getting off topic anyway i was just happy they brought him back because I am an iron man 3 enthusiast and his relationship with tony was SO important and this confirms that at the very least tony kept in contact with him over all these years!!! and he wasn’t just some insignificant blip

Not to be stony on main but steve being the first person to hold Tony again once he was back on earth :)))) wrow.

Also the first thing tony telling him being "I lost the kid" WOW BREAK MY HEART MORE HUH!! WHY NOT!!

The first thing Peter doing when he saw Tony again :'') just rambling about everything that happened and tony just so happy to see him alive and hugging him so tight I'M NOT FINE!! NOTHING WILL EVER BE FINE AGAIN!!!

I appreciated the closure with Howard like?? A lot?? I'm the last person to be a Howard stark apologist, but I think his character and his relationship w/ Tony and how Tony viewed him as a father and as a man was so well crafted throughout the series??? Idk I liked that scene it was good to my baby.

And now a pOSSIBLY CONTROVERSIAL~~ opinion but..... I loved Steve's ending. I really did. I thought he got a beautiful and fitting ending and I was so happy. It meant so much especially to hear his reasonging being that in a way, he did it for Tony. He was inspired by what Tony told him. He saw Tony get his happy ending and for so many films now Steve has been searching for that and he missed an entire life. Tony helped him realize that. It just made me!! So emo!! Like Bucky's face when he knew Steve wasn't gonna be coming back. Steve's last convo w/ Sam. It was just amazing. I can't believe I'm seeing hot takes from people calling Steve selfish or blaming the fact that the Russos have a boner for Steggy or whatever. Who cares!!! Steve got his happy ending and it was well deserved and a wonderful arc!! Lay off him bc you ship him w/ Bucky or tony more damn!!!! (Idk about the timeline y'all dont come for me i really have no idea i think the Russos just said fuck it for that one even when talking about not fucking up the timeline)

Lows

Natasha deserved better. She did. I understand why they took her character arc the way that they did, and honestly, this is the first time I've felt we've seen Natasha have even a modicum of actual character traits since like, Iron man 2 and Avengers 1. She found purpose in keeping the family together and trying to help the people left living, while never stopping or losing contact with anyone else in their endeavors to fix what Thanos broke. As tired as I am of seeing a female character die for ~man pain~ this felt like so much more than that. In the end Nat wanted to sacrifice herself for the greater good, and that's what she did. I'm still fucking upset though, even though they've butchered her character across almost all the films she's been in

Thor being turned into an entire fucking joke. That's it. I got nothin left for the writers at this point.

So..... let's talk about Tony's death, shall we

"You can rest now" broke me. It truly did. I've never loved any fictional character across any medium as much as I have loved Tony Stark. But Pepper's line at the beginning "you'll sleep, but will you rest?" Is so fucking telling. I think I immediately knew for sure in that moment. Because she's right. And that's the worst part.

Peter :)))) finally :)))) calling :))))) tony :)))) by :)) his :)))) first :)) name :))) as he was dying :)))) asking him not to go the same way he told tony he didn't want to go when he was getting dusted GOD. AND WE THOUGHT THAT SCENE IN INFINITY WAR WAS ROUGH. HAD N O T H I N G ON THIS.

No offense but where was Rhodey when Tony was dying lmao ok

That funeral scene.... seeing everyone there drawn together..... god. It was beautiful. It really was.

Of course I'm not happy. I'm extremely fucking upset. I knew tony wielding the gauntlet would be coming, but I thought they would find a way for him to make it out alive. As soon as they were showing that even the hulk couldn't handle it with the gamma radiation, I knew the nail was going to be in the coffin.

All that aside... what I can say, is that if they HAD to kill him off, I think it was a proper send off. We saw so many arcs of Tony's come to a close, and I knew it was just a matter of time. Also that being said, I really don't believe in death being necessary to end a character's arc. Yeah yeah blah blah we get the sad and tragic but TRUE message that at the end of the day death is inevitable and that tony had to sacrifice himself for the greater good. He and Strange both knew it, and as soon as Strange held up that finger I knew that was it for him.

It wouldn't be so hard if they hadn't given us everything they did with tony after the 5 year jump. He healed. He was HAPPY. But pepper was right, and as long as Tony was alive... he would never truly /rest/. And that's the only way I'm able to make peace with this death. Tony has always been a character who was just going going going, never going to stop even if it killed him, all to protect the ones he loved, and protect the whole world and make it a better place. He had a beautiful story that was told so well over these past eleven years, with admitted shortcomings here and there. He had the most cohesive trilogy films, the best character development and arcs, and an incredible portrayal. I'm grateful for it, but that doesn't make it any easier that they decided to go and show us that Tony was able to FINALLY settle down with Pepper and see him find the best version of himself as a husband to her and a father to his little baby girl. A baby girl that now has to grow up without her dad, and pepper has to go on without her husband, the love of her life. It's fucking tragic and honestly, we didn't need that imho lmao

The hardest parts is that like.... idk. I feel like the only reason they killed him is for shock factor, but somehow without the shock? A lot of us felt or were worried that this was coming. I think the russos and co. We're just totally set on the idea that like... tony HAD to die and that was the only way for this arc to come to a close not just WITHIN the universe, but meta, outside of the MCU as well. They did the same thing with Hugh jackman as Logan and that shit HURTED me y'all. Eleven years we had RDJ give us this amazing character and he is the SOLE reason the MCU is where it is today. So you know what, the Russo's and everyone can circle jerk about how much ~poetic justice~ there is in this ending for Tony, but at the end of the day... it just ain't it fam.

Realistically I know after wielding the infinity stones there is no way Tony, a human, could've survived, even with his armor on. I knew that. And as biased as I am towards seeing Tony living, if he had wielded the stones and NOT died? It would've felt cheap. So again, if they had to end his life, I appreciate the way they did it and thought it was the best send off they could've given him. I also would've appreciated some kind of alternate option where oh i dont know carol or someone strong enough could've handled the snap and tony could live the rest of his days with his wife and daughter and found family but..... ig that's just me huh.

:(((( Happy asking Morgan what she wanted and her saying "cheeseburgers" SHE'S JUST LIKE HER DADDY I AM SO!!! UPSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And last thought is that I fucking cried AGAIN because the biggest applause moment was during the credits when RDJ's name appeared. My theater gave a standing damn ovation. Also the very last sound after it faded to black... Tony hammering away, building the very first Iron Man suit.... that shit hurted.

If any of y'all read this and wanna yell about stuff w/ me I WELCOME YOU INTO MY DMS LMAO PLS MESSAGE ME I NEED MORE PEOPLE TO CRY WITH!!!

#avengers spoilers #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame #endgame #have my classic word vomit long ass post after a marvel movie mess of a review lmaoo #long post

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karma-was-taken · 5 years

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MY THOUGHTS ON ENDGAME

(mostly focused on Steve and Tony) (95% of this post is pure rambling)

THE GOOD THINGS: • Tony and Nebula…….. just,,,,,,, their entire dynamic. Tony offering her food and her gently nudging it towards him. Them working together. Her being so soft and caring when he fell asleep. Just. So soft……. So pure…… when she helped him down the ramp I was already In Love. • Steve CATCHING TONY WHEN HE STEPPED DOWN FROM THE JET!!!! Tony saying in that absolutely broken voice “I lost the kid, I lost the kid” i----- HELLO?????? Literally the best stevetony scene to date I cannot believe that ENDGAME SAID SUPERFAMILY RIGHTS and also my heart was bursting holy fuck • Still can’t get over how fucking good tony’s monologue/speech with the other avengers was. The catharsis. The satisfaction. “Where were you when i needed you?”, the distaste in his voice when he says “we’re the avengers! We avenge, we don’t prevent” and then the “we’ll lose together. You said we’d do that together too, liar!”. Amazing. Powerful. One of the best moments in this movie and in the entire mcu. Rhodey having to physically hold him back. Tony tearing the reactor off his chest. Him pushing everyone away as he collapses. Everything was so painful and yet so healing oh my god- • EVERYTHING ABOUT MY BOYS 5 YEARS LATER!!!!! The parallel between Steve and sam at the support group. Steve still trying to help others through their trauma despite being unable to do the same for himself. Powerful and heartbreaking, especially in his scene with nat. I didn’t love the “this is my family” thing because it was a tad out of the blue but I still enjoyed nat’s character and her relationship with Steve. • TONY AND HIS FAMILY I CAN’T EVEN EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVED THAT. Tony finally getting a quiet life with his wife and kid. Literally everything he deserved and more. TONY WAS SO SOFT WITH MORGAN. THE PHYSICAL AFFECTION. THE CARE. I LOVE YOU 3000. Like holy fuck,,,,,,,, you cannot tell me that tony isn’t the best dad in the whole universe. • Tony’s bitterness when the avengers came to his house. The jarring difference between how warm and open he was with morgan vs the cold sarcasm he gave the avengers. Steve’s evident pain at seeing tony living the life he never got to have. • Tony telling Steve he had a family he couldn’t sacrifice like,,,,,, I fucking teared up. Tony was so emotional, so desperate to keep what he had fought for his entire life. AND YET!!!! He still couldn’t live with himself without trying to save the world. This is why I loved his conversation with pepper. The clear subtext that connected this to her leaving him when he couldn’t quit being iron man. the development for both of them,,,,,,, she went from “it’s either me or ironman” to “will you be able to rest?”, tony asking her permission but really telling her that if he went for it he would have to sacrifice their life and leave them behind. It was so powerful and so well executed. • The photograph. Yes, that one. That’s all. • THAT STEVETONY SCENE WHERE TONY BRINGS THE SHIELD I--!!!!! WAS LITERALLY SCHREECHING. It felt like an acceptable reunion after the events of CA:CW but tbh I would have loved a “you gave me a home” moment for our boys. BUT STILL VVV GOOD • Tony and bruce teaming up and literally creating a time machine we stan two science bros (plus scott bless his soul) • the throwbacks to the old movies were incredible. It felt like a behind the scenes feature AND a fanfiction all at once. The 2012 one especially Fucked me UP!!! The elevator scene,,,,, Steve’s “hail hydra” being a fucking smartass wink to the audience. Steve vs Steve!!!! Tony telling Scott to disconnect the reactor!!!!! America’s ass. Tony finally being a thot on main for Steve rogers. • I----- didn’t love the 70s time jump. I disliked how howard got redeemed for what he did to tony. Not something that I wanted for either of them. The Steve/peggy scene was so painful and yet powerful, specially because Steve left her behind once again (………. More on this later) • TONY BUILDING A FUCKING INFINITY GAUNTLET HELL YEAH BITCH • I didn’t have many feelings about the whole nebula thing but the reactions of the characters there felt rushed (gamora immediately trusting the new nebula. Past nebula being killed and this somehow didn’t affect the “rule of time travel” or whatever the fuck,,,? Sure jan). loved her dynamic with rhodey and quill. Super fun. • The big three facing thanos was everything I’ve ever wanted from this movie and I’m so glad it was SO FUCKING GOOD!!!! • STEVE LIFTING MIJOLNIR!!!! HE FUCKING USED THOR’S LIGHTNING AND!!!! I LOVE HIM HE DESERVES THIS AND MORE!!! • RESCUE MADE ME CUM!!! That scene where they’re back to back?????? Orgasmic. • Just. That entire fight scene was. So good. Perfect. I wouldn’t have changed a single thing. Absolutely incredible. The subtext was everywhere and it was so powerful. The Steve/t’challa nod,,,,, the clear throwback to iw,,,,,,,,,, amazing. • Listen y’all when strange lifted that finger my heart stopped. I Knew what was going to happen immediately. The sheer relief/terror I felt when I saw that fucking finger is indescribable. • Literally the most powerful and iconic line I’ve ever heard: “I am inevitable.” “I am ironman”. I was bawling at this point. • The entire funeral scene. “proof that tony stark has a heart”. Happy and morgan interacting. “I want a cheeseburger”. Sam getting the shield. Tony’s message at the end. I was crying for the entire thing. Literally the most cathartic thing I’ve ever experienced.

WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE: • Literally my pettiest beef with this movie: carol danvers. Her screentime was a joke. Literally “oh hello carol” *carol fucks off to god knows where for the entire movie* “oh hey carol nice to see u again just in time for the final fight huh”…….. absolutely disgraceful. She should have been part of the planning. Where’s the team dynamic. Where’s the character building. Literally the only good thing about this was her haircut I’m so upset at how fucking badly she was treated in this movie. • thor and bruce were …….. no. it felt like a bad comedy. What the fuck was this character building I have no idea but I’m so sorry for thor and hulk fans because they were done so dirty I’m actually speechless. Bruce’s actions made no sense (he’s just,,,,,, chilling with his fans while the avengers struggle???? Hello????? Where’s his,,,,,, *barf* “relationship” with nat????) and thor was……. His struggle and clear ptsd were just treated like a joke. They literally put him in a fat suit I was speechless. Disgraceful. • They both deserved better. • I’m a bit meh re: natasha’s death. Like,,,,,,, I get it but also Why • RHODEY DESERVED MORE!!!! I WANTED A RHODEYTONY HUG AND I DIDN’T FUCKING GET IT. NO CAROLRHODEY EITHER HELLO?????? I’M BEING DENIED MY RIGHTS. • And now……. The Big Yike: Steve. The mcu has never treated Steve’s character like he deserved. What I wanted for him was the chance to have a new life, in the present, with his family. His entire character arc seemed to go towards it (e.g. his dialogue with tony when tony was leaving the avengers???) and yet. We got fucking robbed. I wouldn’t have minded Steve going back to have that goddamn dance with peggy, hell, they both fucking deserved it. But leaving for good? Not coming back? Hell no. he gave up his friends. He gave up Bucky (stucky shippers I am so sorry Bucky also deserved better) just for the chance at having a relationship with peggy. What I wanted for Steve rogers was the possibility to make peace with what he’s lost in the past so he can live in the present and fight for the people of the future. Instead all we got was this,,,,,,,, weird character regression where he just. Gave up??? No. I hated that.

THE BIG DEATH: A lot of people were unhappy with tony’s death but honestly? It’s exactly what I wanted for him. He had the best possible ending: dying to save the entire universe with his sacrifice, using the infinity gauntlet he built himself. The mcu and the avengers started and ended with tony stark. This was his final redeeming act: he made the sacrifice play once again, this time once and for all. No one will be able to call him selfish anymore and he’ll be remembered forever (“i hope they remember you”) for dying like he lived: always trying to save the world. Sacrifice has always been the core of the im movies and this ending felt perfect for him. He got the 5 years of bliss with his family, and then he had to give it up to save the world. The final sacrifice.

I can’t elaborate more on why I hoped to see this ending because it’s literally midnight but long story short this movie was amazing, final score 10/10 despite the Steve thing, I left the theater literally crying tears of joy and felt high on happiness for the following 2 hours. This movie means a lot to me and I’m so glad I liked it as much as I did.

#endgame spoilers #avengers: endgame #a4 spoilers #endgame #a4

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happinessinthedarkest-times · 5 years

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avengers endgame reaction (spoilers!!!)

**if youre on mobile scroll fast bc idk if the keep reading works

holy shit holy shit fuck fuck fuck

i am an emotional wreak right now

ahhhhh it was so good im crying still

tony fucking stark my heart i guess ill start there

tony stark i love you three thousand. he got his happy ending with morgan and pepper for 5 years they had 5 years together and he knew that the time heist (lol) would jeopardize that and he still went and helped

that scene where he had it out with steve at the beginning fuck my heart was breaking and i was crying .

i cried a lot in this movie. legit sobbing when nat died but ill get to that

that scene was everything i wanted it to be and perfectly executed. of course hes angry and lashing out because they were supposed to do it together and lose together and the emotion behind that ughh rdj killed it

he literally hands steve his heart the arch reactor

tony and howard ugh everything with them together. tony got closure with his dad

everything tony was great.

steve

he got his happy ending. he got his dance with peggy (now im crying again) fuck. and he PICK UP MJOLNIR omg that scene was amazing and everything i never dreamed could happen when the hammer started moving ughhhh omg i was cheering so loud in the theatre and i dont normally do that. that whole scene ugh theres so much to react to

and he got to say assemble.

ok now from the beginning.

i started to cry literally before it even started. the screen was black and i was already tearing up but when clint and his daughter came up and then his family disappeared i was full on crying.

carol coming in clutch and saving tony and nebula yessss

steve and tony’s conversation right when he gets off the ship was everything i wanted it to be. (crying again) everything.

when they go to thanos’s house thing and thor chops off his arm . its what ive been saying they shouldve done on titan

and then he went for the head!

five.......

years later

fuck them. literally when the ‘five’ came up i was like no no no dont you dare do it dont you dare and then they did it. fuck them

five fucking years?!?! they made them live through 5 years of that trauma?!?!?

nat was everything in this film. she became the leader and keeping track of everything and her moment of breaking down was just so human. she couldnt move on in those 5 years and it just shows how much the avengers had become her family.

scott and cassie omg cassie all grown up made me so emotional

tony and morgan i love you three thousand she is the cutest and sweetest thing

tony fucking stark figured out time travel. he did that.

when tony gives steve his shield back my heart could not take it

the scenes where they were trying to pinpoint the exact time to go back and it was like a sleepover sesh and all the domestic avenger fanfics

going back a little bit

clint killing all the people that should have been killed and deserved to be killed and being a total badass showing up all those people who said he was just really good with an arrow and every scene he has with nat.

‘dont give me hope’

thor. oh where to start. he really did lose everything and he was blaming himself for all that happened so i get where hes coming from. every time you could see him remembering and tormenting himself about what happened broke me. his scene with his mother (crying again)

also hulk/bruce was an interesting choice (not a huge fan of it but ok)

the time traveling

everything about the new york scenes were amazing. the aftermath of the end of the avengers, loki turning into cap for a second, seeing rumlow and sitwell come out, steve getting into the elevator and channeling that winter soldier energy (i was slapping my sister on the arm so hard at this part) hail hydra and outsmarting them all. cap fighting cap “i can do this all day” lmao i was dying ‘bucky is alive” again dying they really nailed it with this. i was worried beforehand because like it would change how we would see the og avengers but i still think it works

also can talk about how tony (and scott) was checking out steves ass????

“i forgot how that suit did nothing for you ass” (be still my heart) “i like to think of it at america’s ass” (or whatever the line was)

loki getting away with the tesseract (is that in this timeline im confused about that hopefully someone will explain bc does that mean loki is alive in this timeline or not? lol)

them going back to the 1970s (do you trust me? i do) and tony meeting howard and introducing himself as howard potts. again i know i talked about howard and tony already but i loved their scenes. and JARVIS FROM AGENT CARTER MAKING AN APPEARANCE OMG

PEGGYYYYYYY (crying) when steve walked into her office (grabbed my sister again) and when he was watching her through the window and you could feel his pain.

thor and rocket are the pairing that i never imagined but amazing none the less. i loved that we got the return of mjolnir here even though idk what that does to the timeline (again who knows at this point)

rhodey and nebula again another pairing i didnt expect but are great together. everything about nebula in this film. she really has a great arch. i was stressing out so hard when the alternate timeline thanos found out that they came from the past. the scene where peter quill is dancing and singing to no music was great.

clint and natasha. this pairing thie duo the og. fuck my heart. when they started going off to vormir i knew. i knew it and i cannot handle it. the whole scene where they are fighting each other to sacrifice themself i was SOBBING. LEGIT SOBBING. ‘let me go’ i loved this so much and also hated it. she deserved her happy ending too. after everything she gave up everything to save those people. her arch is so good too. im excited for her origin. i kinda want to see her when shes a bad guy and killing everyone and her journey to shield. i hope thats what we’ll see in her movie.

but also that scene emotionally fucked me up hard.

the og avengers (minus nat) sitting on the edge of the lake

thor trying to put on the glove and redeem himself (in his own eyes not my own bc he doesnt deserve the shit he gets for not going for the head)

hulk doing it and the calm before the storm where everything goes back before that missile comes firing down.

steve tony and thor facing off with thanos. everything about this scene. tony getting a juice-up from thor and lightning to max out his powers. steve jump kicking on thanos’s ass. thanos beating up thor and steve coming in with FUCKING MJOLNIR AGAIN CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW MUCH I WAS CHEERING AT THIS POINT HE IS WORTHY MY BOY STEVE IS WORTHY

also on that note tony coming up to steve and saying “theres my man” or something and giving him back his shield again.

steve standing there with his broken shield ready to face off with thanos’s army and sam coming in on the comm. and then EVERYONE COMING THRU AND KICKING NAMES AND TAKING ASS

legit cheering and crying so much

valkyrie with her pegasus

shuri with her blasters

peter parker and his reunion with tony was heartbreaking. tony looked so broken and complete at the same time. he got him back.

PEPPER FREAKING POTTS

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE (YEESSSSSSSS)

peter quill’s semi-reunion with gamora and how she doesnt know him but he gets her back

also gamora, nebula and still-evil!nebula was a great scene. nebula killing her past self is some symbolic shit right there AND to protect her sister who she hated

CAROL FUCKING DANVERS COMING TO SAVE THE DAY AND KICK THANOS’S ASS

im sad that she wasn’t in the film as much but i get why they did it and it also makes me really excited for her future films

but carol getting the gauntlet and peter saying “i dont know how youre gonna get through that”

and ALL THE BADASS MCU WOMEN COMING UP BEHIND HER READY TO FIGHT AND REPRESENT FOR THE FEMALES (CRYING)

this is something that couldn’t of been done a few years ago because there weren’t a lot of female superheroes in this universe and just the fact that this scene can make such an impression and become probably one of the most badass scenes of the mcu is one of the best things that came out of this movie.

side note: ‘activate instant kill’ great callback

and then we get to the sacrifice.

i knew it. i expected it. i read it in fanfics.

i was still not prepared.

‘I am inevitable’

‘I AM IRON MAN’

FUCKKKKKKKK they really know how to write these movies.

he knew he would die. he knew he would never see morgan again. but he knew what he had to do.

his character arch from a selfish man to a selfless man has been the most profound and powerful story.

rdj and tony stark have really carried this franchise. they were the start. and it makes sense that his death closes out this era of the mcu.

to rdj: i will never forgive my mom for telling me that she didn’t like you way back when. that really influenced how i thought about you and about tony stark for years. and i limited me from really appreciating and loving iron man and those movies and tony’s character. but as i continued to watch more of you in the mcu and in real life and have seen how you have grown and who you are today, i have so much love and respect for you and your character. im just so upset at the time i lost where i could have fallen even more in love with you. thank you so much for everything you have done over the last 11 years for this franchise. thank you for the time thank you for the memories and the laughs. the journey has been amazing.

the funeral scene with ‘proof that tony stark has a heart’

(also was the the kid from iron man 3 in the back?)

VALKYRIE BECOMING KING (queen? i say king but who knows) of new asgard. look at my killing baby all grown up and being the leader they need.

thor becoming a guardian basically.

also was quill looking for his gamora? where was the gamora from this timeline on the ship? she wasn’t there in the scene so idk

also fighting with knives to see whos in charge lol

im glad people mentioned/mourned for nat too

steve rogers

steve.

i knew he wasn’t coming back.

bucky knew it too.

im wreaked

but at least he got his happy ending. he got his peggy (again idk what that does to her timeline)

captain sam wilson america in the house.

(old steve looks like joe biden or is it just me lol)

they ended it with a steggy dance and kiss

it really was a perfect end to his story and it wrapped up his character really well. he got that life he deserved

to chris evans: as this is probably the last time we will see you as captain america let me thank you too for the years and joy that you have brought to my life. youre it for me. you are the reason i became so invested in this world. when you jumped on the fake grenade i was in it with you. chris you are and will always be the best chris in my heart. your passion for this character and understanding of steve rogers and his motivations have created such a memorable performance. steve rogers will always be the og. he will always have my heart. i am so thankful that you took this opportunity and used it and made this character your own. you live up to the standards that steve holds for himself and i am so excited for your future. i am also so glad that you didn’t die in this movie bc i definitely could not have handled it if i had to watch both my favs die. i love you three thousand.

i literally cried throughout the whole movie. there were laughs, cheers, groans, stress, tears, and love throughout this film. i am so grateful that i am alive during this time in cinematic history. there will never be something as great or momentous as this film. a true culmination of 22 films. its never been done and i doubt itll ever be done again

i am also so impressed and amazed by how well this film turned out. it is just amazing how everything fell into place

im sure ill read other people’s reactions and they will bring up points or problematic things that will taint my view on this movie but i dont want that to ruin my own experience

and for me, this was truly emotionally draining and fulfilling. the feeling of being in that theatre with all those people who love the characters as much as i do and experiencing this film for the first time is something i will never forget.

people talk about how they remember lining up for star wars.

well i remember sobbing my eyes out when nat died, cheering along with everyone when cap picked up mjolnir and whipped thanos’s ass with it and when carol and the rest of the badass women of the mcu ready to kick ass, crying with everyone as the light went out in tony’s chest and eyes, watching as history was made in front of our eyes.

and the end credits with the og avengers getting recognition with their photos and autographs.

i love this franchise and these films and these characters i dont know who i would be without them.

one last thing

thank you to the og avengers. steve tony thor nat clint bruce. chris robert chris scarlett jeremy mark. you will always have a special place in my heart. you were there at the start. you were the reason this all could happen you were the reason i became so invested in these movies. you brought these characters to life and embodied them. you are all so much like your characters the casting is perfect. thank you for your dedication to your work to you fans and to your characters. it means so much that you all stuck through this together and that you are such great friends in real life and i can only hope that one day i can be so lucky as to meet you all and thank you in person.

#please dont read if you havent seen the movie i dont want to spoiler anything for anyone #my post #my reaction #mcu reaction #endgame #avengers endgame #avengers endgame spoilers #endgame spoilers #marvel endgame #spoilers #ae tags #ae #the avengers #avengers tags #the og avengers #dont spoil the endgame

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germposting · 5 years

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endgame spoilers!!!

wouldnt it have made more sense for wanda to volunteer to take the stones back in time, find vision, and then fuck off into the 1950’s with him? u’know, setting up that show they’re supposed to star in on disney+? and have steve retire in the future, give bucky the shield and then have bucky pass on the shield and give it to sam??? first of all, wanda has literally nothing left to lose and it would make sense that she would be the one to go back, not just for plot set up wise, but literally the fact that she would be easier to return back in time and be completely unrecognizable. it also makes sense for her to be the selfish one and not come back. shes lost her parents, her home, her brother, her friends, and then her fiancé. shes also got more of an edge than steve does and a bigger chance of holding a grudge and acting on it, so it would make way more sense for her to hide in the 50’s and live a life with vision. just saying.

having steve try to give the mantle to bucky and him passing it over to sam would be perfect?? itd show the growth between bucky and sam and it wouldnt be steve totally spitting in buckys fucking face after ditching him in the fucking future. bucky whos been teased to hold the shield in every captain america movie, whos moved on from wanting to fight but still wants to help? imagine if bucky and sam went from “you couldnt have done that earlier” “i hate you” to “sam deserves that shield more than i do, im done fighting” “thank you, buck” ugh whatever. WHATEVER MARVEL!

thanks for the character assassination for two seconds of steve dancing with peggy. like yeah great scene, cute even, but didnt peggy u know... have a whole other fucking family that just vanished from existence? and i guess steve just sat by and let hydra torture bucky for 70 years huh. makes sense.

#endgame spoilers #spoilers #endgame

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shivercloud · 5 years

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A little trouble never hurt anybody (Loki x reader one shot soulmate AU) part.1

Warnings: a little bit of fluff. And lots of cussing.

Summary: Loki and reader soulmate AU. you were recruited as an Avenger and an agent of Shield you were vicious and NO ONE messed with you. you were vicious yet caring and could be kind you were a tom-boy. Unfortunately, your soulmate happened to be the Trickster Loki Laufeyson/odinson whom you hated since he had killed your whole family in the whole New York incident, his very existence irked you, you wished him dead. But things change once your soulmark appears on your arm. After he escaped the Asgardian dungeon and took over Asgard. So Thor brought him back to Midgard and He was being punished by having to be an Agent of Shield against his will and being under 24/7 surveillance which you hated, you didn't see him ever since you avoided him and shot him a glare every time you DID see him.

Powers and abilities: you are half Asgardian so long life span, stronger then Midgardians, heal faster than Midgardians. You are a master assassin even better then Natasha was also kept in the red room but never had graduation since your younger and your parents found you and took you out before Natasha was graduated. You have the ability to control fire.

Onto the story.....

It was a normal day at the Avengers compound and it was 4 years since New York and almost everybody had a soulmate but you didn't you were thinking to yourself as the sun shone into your bedroom "am I EVER gonna get a soulmate? Will I forever be alone? Why can't I have a soulmate!? I don't want to be ALONE FOREVER!"

You get out of your bed in a pout and change into a pair of ripped jeans and a t-shirt and put your hair up in a ponytail and did your usual morning stuff and then went to the living room.

You saw everyone with their soulmates which made you envious and Tony asks "still no soulmark?" You pull up your sleeve and say grumpily "nope, I'm gonna die alone if only I wasn't half Asgardian, I hate my life and I hate well hated my Dad" Tony says "[Name] we all know you don't or didn't hate your Dad" you reply "I know, but I wish I was just 100% Midgardian, I HATE my life!"

Thor walks in and says "[Name] Being Asgardian isn't all that bad, your more advanced then Midgardians then" you reply "I DONT care! If I wasn't half Asgardian I'd be dead and wouldn't have to worry about never having a soul mate!" Thor says "if it makes you feel better, my Brother doesn't have one either" you reply "dont remind me of that nuisance and egotistical idiot! He doesn't even deserve one!"

Just then the idiot walks in and you scoff "look who's here now, the last person in the nine realms I want to see" Thor says "[Name] my brother doesn't do that anymore" you reply "I HATE his very existence, and I will NEVER forgive him he's the very reason I have absolutely no family" Thor says "[Name] I have no family either the only family I have is Loki" you reply "if you want some pity you've come to the wrong person, why don't you go get pity from your Soulmate! Being your Valkyrie girl" (Brunhilde is Thor's soulmate in this story). You stomp off to your room and shut the door and lock it.

Natasha walked into the living room and says "what was that all about?" Thor answers "Lady [Name], is upset," Natasha asks "about what now?" Tony responds "she still doesn't have a soulmark and she still hates Reindeer games" Thor adds "and I said something I shouldn't have," Natasha asks "did you bring up her family again?" Thor replies "yeah, sort of, I didn't mean to," Natasha says "you, know she's sensitive about that, we all do" Thor replies "I know, I didn't mean to upset Lady [F/N]" Natasha says "I know you didn't, I'll go talk to her."

Your POV

I went to my room angry And thought "I know I need to grow up and stop getting upset everytime someone mentions my dead family, but it's painful, remembering that and I also shouldn't get upset about not having a soulmate i'm not the only one, like sam and neither does Bucky that's it may be one of them are my soulmate, maybe Bucky is he is cute, but I don't even have a soulmark yet."

There's a knock at my door so I answer "who is it?" I hear Natasha say "it's me Nat" I respond "come in" and I unlock the door and Nat comes in and asks "you, ok [Name]?" You reply "good enough, you're lucky you have a soulmark and soulmate," Natasha says "yeah I was shocked when I found out about my soulmark" you reply "I knew that you and Banner were meant for each other."

You sigh "but, I have no one," Nat says "cheer up, I know you'll get one" you reply "I doubt it, everybody has one except me, you have Banner, Steve HAD Peggy Carter, Tony has Pepper, Thor has his valkyrie girl, Wanda has Vision, Clint has Laura, Rhodes has someone no one knows and I have no one its not fair! I don't want to die alone!"

Nat says "[Name] don't lose hope it took me about 10 years at least to find mine, and you age slower so I know you'll get someone, now come on everyone is here at the compound today, even Clint so we can do something with the team. Nat says " come on I thought we were best friends?" You reply "we are but, I'm still jealous that you have a soulmate, even if we have been through the same thing" Nat replies "yeah, I'm glad you didn't graduate."

You reply "I really wish I could've taken you with me when my parents got me out of that shit hole" Nat replies "it's fine, let's just go join the team I'll make sure you sit AWAY from Loki" you reply "fine, just I know those memories haunt you more than they haunt me, have you spoken to Bruce about it?" Nat replies "yeah, talking about it helps even if it was horrifying, but PLEASE let's go?" You reply "fine," Nat says "good, also if you ever get a soulmark, tell me," you ask "why?"

Nat responds "cause then I can help you try to figure out who it is if you won't know it by then" you respond "umm, ok," Nat says "now, come on Bruce and I will make sure you don't sit by Loki".

You respond "good, you're a good best friend" you and Nat get on your way and you say "I wish Shield wouldn't have done what they did with him" Natasha responds "we all do, except Maybe Thor."

You and Natasha go to the living room and see everybody gathered except Loki but that didn't matter anyway he and a tracking device on him and Tony says "we should do something, as a team something fun none of us are working" you ask Tony "then what do, YOU suggest?" Tony replies "hey, you finally came, I don't know 7 minutes in heaven?" You respond "HECK NO, besides everyone has a soulmate already" Tony replies "you dont, and neither do Barnes, or Wilson" you reply "Tony that game stinks and no."

Tony suggests "what about spin the bottle?" You reply "no, like I said you all have soulmates and I don't" you sigh "whatever, I'll be in the library reading until somebody, comes up with an idea of some sort, so goodbye" you leave and Tony says "she's still upset about having no soulmate isn't she?" Nat responds "I think so," Tony says "what if we tried getting Reindeer games and [Name] together?" Nat replies "no 1st of All. She hates his guts 2nd of all. he doesn't deserve my best friend 3rd of all. She doesn't even have a soulmark yet!" Tony replies "that's true, what about Barnes and her?" Nat points out "she and him no and like I already said, she doesn't even have a soulmark" Tony says "that's why we could experiment, because usually, you have to have some chemistry with your soulmate before the soulmark appears" Nat says "no, I think we should Let her do that herself."

Just then Nat's phone rings and she sees its fury calling and says "I have to take this it's Fury, probably a mission" Nat leaves the room and answers the phone and Fury says "Agent Romanoff?" Nat responds "yes, Director?" Fury replies "I have a mission for you, Agent [L/N], and Laufeyson well Agent Laufeyson" Nat responds "but [Name] hates Loki and I dont blame her" fury responds through the phone "that's why your there otherwise it'd just be them, im well aware of her hatred for him and I don't like him either, but, this mission requires him and her and you to make sure [Name] doesn't try to kill him or he try to kill her."

Nat says into the phone "i'll go get them and you can let us know our mission" Fury responds through the phone "ok" Natasha says "I'll put you on hold Fury."

Your POV

I just went to the library and grabbed a book and sat down just then I heard someone walk by and clear their throat and I look up from my seat and see Loki so I give him a sarcastic grin and then look back down to my book and cross my legs on top each other in a comfortable position and I hear Loki say "excuse me?" I ignore him and he says again in a more annoyed tone "excuse me!?" I growl and look up to him and ask "what!?" I look back down and he says "excuse me, mortal?!"

I snap my head up to him and snap "what?! And I am NOT Mortal sadly, I wish I was but I'm not, now WHAT do you want, your highness?" The last part was dripping with sarcasm Loki says "your sitting in my seat" I reply "well, boohoo, get lost because I don't give a fuck! You royal arrogant asshole!"

Loki responds "fine, then I'll sit there" he points to the seat next to me which I quickly put my legs onto and say "NOPE! That's reserved Loki says " oh, really? For who?" I respond "for my legs are you blind?" Loki throws my legs off but I kick him in the face and say innocently but with sarcasm "oops, didn't know that was your face, sorry."

I get up but Loki stops me by trapping me against the bookshelf and asks "why do you hate me so much?" I reply "easy, your arrogant, egotistical, selfish and a jackass!" I try to escape but Loki doesn't let me and Loki says "really, I know it's not just that" I reply "alright, you wanna know the rest then fine, you killed my family mercilessly easy because of your a jackass and a monster."

I snap "now LET ME GO! Or you'll regret it!" Loki replies "please i'm a god, you couldn't harm me in the slightest way" I challenge "oh, really, you think you're better than everyone?" I ignite my hands on fire and squeeze his wrists burning him and I question him "hurts, doesn't it?" Loki tries giving me a straight face but winces in pain and I smirk in satisfactory "I thought so."

He moves so I can escape and winces in pain and rubs his arm so he's no longer trapping me and I flip him off and say "Fuck you little bastard!" I throw my hair that came out of the ponytail over my shoulder and I leave to get a new book since I finished the one I was reading.

Loki's thoughts after that: "I like this Mortal, she's vicious and beautiful also fun to mess with she's feisty, just for a woman she dresses weirdly, no make-up at least I think. boyish- but still girlish yet clothing, no jewellery and a very strange attitude."

I grabbed a new book and went back to the soft bean bags and saw he was sitting on the one I was on before so I give him a glare and he just smirks while reading his book and he has his legs on the other one so I give him an unimpressed expression and he smirks while reading I pull the second beanbag out from under his legs and I 'accidentally' kick him in the crotch.

And he groans in pain and glares at me in pain still and I smirk and say innocently "oops" and I take the beanbag and sit away from him and just when I open my book and start reading i'm interrupted by Natasha which slightly ticks me off.

3rd POV

Natasha says to you "[Name], we have a mission" you groan and place your bookmark in the book and put it on the ground beside you and ask "what is it?" Nat responds "we need Loki as well unfortunately and luckily you two were in the same place at the same time" you say to Nat "I don't think that asshole can hear you."

Nat sighs and you shout "hey bozo!" Loki looks up from his book and glares at you and you shout "yeah, you idiot murderer, with hideous clothing" Loki glares and stays in his spot so you roll your eyes and say "get your ass over here!" Loki growls angrily and comes over and asks "what is so important that you MUST bother me while I read?! Weak Mortal!" You shout for the hundredth time "is not mortal you little shit I'm only half I wish I were completely mortal but I'm not so, shut the fuck up! There's something important to discuss."

Loki scoffs "fine, what?" Natasha puts her phone off hold and says "I suggest that we go to the table" so the three of you go to the table in the library and Natasha puts her phone on speakerphone and says "hello, Fury I've got them here now" Fury says through the phone "ok, well this is an important mission, the mission is there is a terrorist boat full of dangerous weapons and illegal weapons, a small shipment but still and I need the three of you to stop it from making it to the destination and I need you three to destroy them, but however there are hostages aboard the ship which you need to save and stop the shipment do whatever it takes to save the innocents and stop the shipments."

You ask "and why do we need the idiot to help out? Not like he'll be any use to us, why not just Nat and I?" Fury responds through the phone "it's too dangerous for just you two" you ask "then why not replace the idiot with someone I dont know..... Useful?" Fury replies "quit your complaining, you sound like a child and it'll either be just you and Laufeyson or the three of you your choice."

You groan and say "well Fury, I'm sorry as much as I like killing bad guys and saving good peoples lives I am gonna have to respectfully decline and putting bad guys where they belong" you shoot Loki a death glare and Fury says "well, too bad you dont have a choice, any other complaints?" Loki says "yes, I can't do this with HER, so I refuse," Fury says "too damn bad Laufeyson, we technically own you and if we didn't you'd be dead, a Quinjet sill be there soon to pick the three of you up an take you to shield HQ to get your equipment and Romanoff you need to check and take save any Shield intel, I expect all of you to put your hatred aside and work as a team, Romanoff is mainly there so [L/N] doesn't murder Laufeyson or the other way around, get ready the Quinjet should be there in a an hour, which'll leave you three with approximately 2 hours once you reach the destination to stop these weapons from reaching their destination."

With that Fury hangs up and all evidence of that conversation is erased automatically you say to Natasha "Nat?" She asks "what?" You reply "let's spar, I NEED to train a bit and blow off some steam" Natasha replies "I'm sorry [F/N] I can't I wanted to spend time with Bruce and the team" you reply "ugh, ok, then I'll train by myself."

Nat says "sorry, you might hate me for even suggesting this, but spar with him," you say in disbelief "heck no!" Loki says "and I refuse to train well spar with YOU, of all people."

You leave the library along with Nat and you go to your room and quickly go to the training room alone and you sigh unhappily once you get to the training room and you go over to the punching beg.

Using the right gear, you punch it hard and fast repeatedly in a frustrated way and while you're beating up the punching bag you think "ok, actually now I wouldn't mind sparring with Loki, it might be fun to beat the shit out of him, but I'm pretty sure he meant it when he refused" you hear someone walk in and say "I didn't think that the poor thing hurt you" you look and see Loki and you can't help but laugh quietly.

Loki comments "is that laughter I hear?'" You respond in a vicious tone "shut up, why are you here anyway?" Loki replies "because I changed my mind, I'll spar with you" you reply "well, it's too late now" Loki responds "are you sure now?" You reply "ok, fine, but dont get mad if I kick your ass" you leave the punching bag and go over to Loki

Loki says "you won't be able to kick my ass" you reply "sure, sure DONT underestimate me," Loki says "I won't but dont underestimate me either" you reply "weapons or magic?" Loki says "you know magic?" You reply "a bit yes and I can control fire, long-story-short my Dad whom you murdered mercilessly was Asgardian and taught me some Asgardian Magic," Loki asks "do you know how to do illusions?" You reply "not really, I mainly know Asgardian fighting and earth fighting and I can use fire magic."

You make a little flame dance on your hand and then make a little fire Cat appear on your hand and Loki says "that's actually fascinating" you reply "umm thanks? I guess" Loki replies "I'm sorry" you respond "for what?" Loki replies "for everything" you respond "are you ok?" Loki shrugs and answers "perhaps not" you reply "ok, well lets spar I want to get some training done before we have to leave for the mission and you better not screw it up."

Loki replies "more, like you better not" you growl basically and say in a competitive tone "lets spar," Loki says "ok, but weapons or magic?" You reply "just weapons, you're probably crappy with a weapon" Loki replies "oh, really? I don't do just magic, I do daggers as well and not to brag but I'm quite skilled with them" you reply sarcastically "sure."

Loki says "you'll see" you reply "what kind of weapons?" Loki asks "what weapons do you normally use?" You reply "my skills and shield weapons, but when I trained with my Dad I used small blades or well small knives, similar to daggers but different, but if I'm gonna use it I need to go get it" Loki replies "ok, well hurry, I'll just be waiting here."

You leave and quickly go to your room and you go to the drawer that you had it in and unfold it from the cloth you wrapped it in and took it out of the sheath and stroked your finger on it and say to yourself "Dad, mom brother, I'm sorry I would take this opportunity to kill him but I can't, everybody would notice, one day I WILL avenge all of you, I WILL kill him just not now, I'll at least get some of his blood shed onto here."

You put it back into its sheath and go to the training room and you see Loki waiting for you to return patiently and he gets up when you reach and you ask "don't you need your dagger" he uses his magic and makes one appear and says "I already have one."

You attack Loki without warning and just barely miss his arm and he laughs and mocks "you missed" you cuss "crap" and ask "you've got good reflexes huh?" you add "well, I've got better Reflexes" Loki lunges an attack on you but you avoid it and twist his hand around so his own weapon is pointing at his own throat and Loki says "maybe, I did underestimate you, I'm not gonna go easy on you now" you reply "ok, that's fine."

You and Loki spar for almost an hour both with scratches when you cut his cheek and make him bleed and he says "impressive, it's not easy to draw blood, but then again your half Asgardian" he wipes it off but it keeps on bleeding and he cuts your arm slightly leaving a tiny cut.

Natasha walks in and says "you two, quintet just got here let's go, so quickly change and then come on I'll be waiting by the door that leads outside" you nod and you say to Loki "you might wanna clean up that wound" Loki replies "I know" you and Loki leave and you say "as much as I hate saying this, your.... Decent at sparring" Loki replies "as much as I hate to say it as well, so are you."

You reply "ugh, I hate myself for this so much but, maybe we should spar again sometime, ugh your... A good sparring partner" Loki replies stiffly "I agree and so are you."

You and Loki go two different directions and you think "Dad, Mom, Big Brother I am SO sorry I know I shouldn't be making friends with the enemy, I am SO deeply, sincerely sorry, I've failed but I swear on my life I WILL avenge you, all of you, at least I'll try."

You quickly change out of your gym clothes and put deodorant and perfume on you gather some of your equipment since most of it was at shield HQ and you go and find Natasha waiting and she asks "where is he?" You reply "I have no idea, I dont keep fucking tabs on him!" Nat says "woah, sorry [Name] calm down."

Loki comes and sighs and says "let's get this over with" you see he's wearing his armour and say "you are SUCH An idiot!" Loki looks confused at you and asks "what did I do?" You reply "you can't go on a SHIELD mission in THAT!" Loki challenges "oh and why not?!" You facepalm and ask "have you been on ANY Shield missions at ALL?!" Loki responds "no" you reply "of, course you haven't, well what you're wearing it attracts WAY too much attention, working fo Shield you need something that doesn't attract attention but I'm sure shield has something for you to wear."

Natasha says "[Name] is right you can't wear that on a shield mission, it attracts too much attention but I'm sure Fury has something," you say to Nat "he's probably going to have to wear something like what Clint wears" Natasha replies "probably," Loki says "I'm still here and I REFUSE to wear something like that" you reply "your gonna have to."

You, Nat and unfortunately Loki board the Quinjet and fly off to Shield HQ on your way you say to Natasha "It feels like I haven't been on a mission in forever" Natasha replies "yeah, it has been a while" you reply "missions are my life, I've missed them, I'm never gonna give up my life working for Shield, its the best" Nat replies "yeah, Shield is nice they give everyone a second chance."

Loki just sits silently and looks at the ground and asks "how do you two get along so well?" You reply "we're best friends and we went through the same thing."

---------time skip----------

The three of you reach HQ and the door opens and the three of you get off and go in and go to the equipment room and Fury walks in and says "Agent [L/N], it's been a while, one of our top agents its good to see you and Romanoff good see you as well, I see Laufeyson actually came, figured he'd escape somehow" you reply "I'm shocked as well and it's good to see you, director" Fury says "Laufeyson, we, have some equipment for you, seeing as you dont have anything other than your Asgardian armour which will attract too much attention, its still your style but it's dark colours that won't attract attention, follow me Agent Laufeyson."

Loki follows after Fury, while you and Nat get your equipment and once you two have equipment on Loki returns and you can't help but look him up and town and take in how good he looks once you notice he notices you look at your shoes and Nat says "let's go."

-------------time skip-------------

You reach your destination and Natasha says "[L/N], Laufeyson both of you to save the hostages and then destroy the illegal weapons if possible you nod and Loki asks Natasha " why do you get to make the orders here?" Natasha replies "I have way more experience that's why now while I go save any Shield intel and you two NEED to work together, [L/N] you get to give Laufeyson orders" you nod and Loki grits his teeth together angrily and Natasha goes on.

Loki growls quietly "why must I listen to YOU?!" You reply "easy you've never been out in the field and I have, therefore I have more experience, now shut up and stop complaining you sound like a little boy" Loki spits "EXCUSE ME?!" You say nothing but saying "we're supposed to work as a team so just Fucking listen to me PLEASE" Loki scoffs "Fine."

.....later.....

You and Loki find the hostages but see that they're heavily guarded and you whisper to Loki "we need to do whatever it takes to get in their Laufeyson, which means you can kill the bad guys but not, the victims."

He nods and says "I'll go the other direction" you give him a thumbs up and he goes and you go and you both bust the doors down and you attacked by a bunch of guys but burn some of them and kill them by throwing them at the wall with force and snapping there necks another one attacks you and your hand is on flame and you put it on there throat and burn a hole hearing gurgling sound and they fall lifeless to the floor.

Loki says "and you call me merciless" you hiss "shut up" and you speak into your ear com "we've got the hostages, we need someone to come and get them" you hear Agent Hill on the other end "someone will be there right away" you reply "ok."

you and Loki untie the hostages and get rid of their gags and they look scared so you reassure them "someone will be here to get all of you home soon" they all nod and soon a Quinjet large enough for them arrives with one of the shield agents that you recognize but don't remember the name of and after all the innocents get on board they fly away.

Natasha finds you and Loki and asks "the victims are safe?" You nod and she says "well now, we need to destroy those weapons."

You nod and all go to where the weapons are located and find a jackpot you say "if we want to do this the easy way I could just burn this ship down, my fire is so strong that they'll melt" Nat says "check if that's allowed" you nod and say into your com "can I just burn this place down?" You hear Fury "yes, but do it once a ride comes I'll send one immediately."

A few minutes later a Quinjet arrives and you set the weapons on fire you're all on your way out when someone puts something on your mouth and nose and you pass out seeing Natasha ln the Quinjet and no sign of Loki.

After that, it was all black.

#loki laufeyson #loki (marvel)#loki odinson #reader insert #fanfic #romance #x reader #fanfcition

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