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stuckinapril · 1 year

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how to feel like a person?

digital detox. if your phone was taken away, how much free time would you have? how empty would your day be? do you have things to do outside of scrolling endlessly on different apps? if you come to the realization that a lot of your time consists of being glued to your screen, you need to start considering incorporating no-phone time blocks into your day. a big part of our daily misery boils down to consuming so many things in 24 hours, to the point that we feel too burned out to do anything else that truly nourishes our body and soul.

establish a routine. discipline is so important for happiness. start out small—schedule your day, get consistent with your skincare routine, take daily walks—and then gradually add more and more things. don’t try to revamp your life all at once. that’s a surefire way to quit altogether. be realistic about your limits, but also push yourself where appropriate so you don’t stay static.

journal. mentalize your feelings. don’t suppress your emotions. be curious about your thought processes and what makes you tick. always be self-compassionate, but hold yourself accountable where it’s due.

start pursuing hobbies. make a list of all the things that interest you and try them out. there are so many things out out there; one of them is bound to stick. don’t go into it with the negative mindset that you know you wouldn’t like doing x and y. some things you might know in your heart are not for you, but don’t rule out possibilities you’re ambivalent about. be open-minded and see finding your interests not as a chore, but as an exciting prospect.

practice gratitude. this is such a popular advice bc it works. start off your day by listing 3 things you’re grateful for. it’s crazy how so many people don’t realize it’s a blessing to just be alive, when so many people get robbed of their lives so early on. i’m not saying to never shoot for more, but having a foundation of contentment goes a very long way.

have a solid set of friends, but march your own march. you don’t need anybody; you just want them. same thing with friends. friends are good for us because we are a social species, but if one person were to leave your life, it’s not the end of the world. your life is already colorful, filled with so many things you’re doing for yourself—furthering your career, improving on your skills, working on your fitness—that a person leaving shouldn’t be detrimental. never be so dependent on someone you can’t envision a life without them. you need to make your life exciting on your own; you can’t have someone else doing all the heavy lifting for you.

have an abundance mindset. if one thing fails, that just leaves room for something better to take its place. you are always bound to find better. there are 8 billion people in this world. there are countless different possibilities. failure or loss does not mean it’s game over for you.

see pain as a learning experience. true growth spurts do truly come from heartbreak or failure. it teaches us to pick ourselves back up and try again. always have a growth mindset. that relationship didn’t work out? now you know what to avoid for the next relationship. you’re single again? now you get to focus on and learn more about yourself. that friendship ended? at least you won’t waste any more time on someone who doesn’t value having you in their life. you didn’t get that job? that leaves the door open for other possibilities. you didn’t get the score you wanted? now you know what to work on to do better next time.

action-directed things to improve your self-esteem. you can sit in your room all day and tell yourself you’re the best thing since sliced bread and everyone’s obsessed with you, but truly building up your self-esteem comes not only from thinking positive things about yourself, but also acting on them. work on things you care about. work on yourself as a person. love who you are, but also strive for self-improvement. do things that can act as proof—to you—for why you’re worthy. it’s a game changer.

dispense of the victim-of-life mentality. it’s safe to dwell in your misery and keep blaming things on factors out of your control, but where would that get you? it’s just resulting in you expending your energy needlessly. stop seeing life as jumping from tragedy to tragedy. actively fight against your negativity bias. recognize that for every bad thing that happens, 100 good things happen, but we as humans have a tendency of focusing only on the negatives. sort through your emotions, make peace with what happened, but pick yourself up and move on. the most valuable thing we all have on this planet is time. it’s limited and it will come to an end eventually. you don’t want to look back and resent yourself for not simply letting go of things and appreciating what you have around you.

#ask #a

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mayearies · 7 months

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SPIDERMAN CLASSIC …. miles morales ⟡

… ꒰ঌ ໒꒱

#MILESMORALES brooklyn’s one and only spiderman!

⟡ genre: fluff | warnings: platonic/romantic pov, implied aged up જ⁀➴ note!: first time actually using miles as a graphic wow also hype up my 1610 fics more damn

the large metal doors shut behind you as the music became muffled. your makeup was nicely done, your dress beautiful, but not for the one it was intended to be seen by.

yup. you got stood up at prom.

he was this guy you liked, you considered a friend. and he stood you up. the grey message from your screen illuminated on your face as you leaned against the alleyway. you were disappointed, yeah. but nothing to cry about. the thing to cry about is how humiliating it was.

you left after a few drinks, you friends toning down your sadness. but it didn’t last long. you just wish-

“hey!”

“wh-?!”

well, this was a surprise. here laid infront of you was the infamous spiderman who saved your city every day. or spiderman 2, most people called him. the only thing different was he was wearing a suit with a bowtie and flowers. and it matched your dress. coincidence? also he was upside down. that’s normal.

“spiderman?”

“yeah! that’s me,” he rubbed the nape of his neck “sorry, is it weird to see me out of character like this?”

“more or less. why are you so dressed up?”

“long story short— i’m finding a prom date last minute.”

that was both true and a lie. the boy behind the mask was finding a prom date last minute, yeah, but it was purposeful in a way. you could have swore he was younger. he sounded like a freshman or sophomore to you.

“um.. yeah. that’s all im really in for. what are you doin’ out here? arent you cold?”

“a little. i got stood up tonight by my date. sucks, huh?”

he nodded like he didn’t know. you didnt hear it from me, but, that was no mistake. he webbed the guy to a nearby alleyway a few blocks down. apparently he had been that pickpocket going around all throughout this week.

a win is a win in miles’ eyes.

“…would you like to be my date? you can say no of course i was just asking-!”

“that.. would be nice. amazing, actually.”

his lenses went wide, taking up most of his mask which was pretty cute. underneath, he could feel his face warming up. and not because he was upside down.

“really?”

“yeah! then i can brag to my friends how i went to prom with spiderman or something, it would be fun.”

“.. would you go with me if you knew who was under this mask?”

“mmm. depends. you seem sweet. my parents say you’re a jerk. you know, that week that rhino destroyed my dad’s car and blamed you? i saw the whole thing so i thought different.”

his face was heating up more, definately not because he wasn’t right side up.

truth was, miles may have been stalking you for a while. he liked you a lot but was too shy to directly confront you, so he watched from the sidelines. found out everything you liked. everything you loved. he just wishes he was a part of that list.

“also, you sound familiar. have we met?”

“what? nonononono- i’ve never seen you in my life!”

“uh huh.”

you did wonder who was underneath, now. you never suspected it would have been someone you knew, but the drastic change in tone once he dropped the fake deep voice made you wonder.

you wanted to pull his mask above his eyes to see if you did know him, but he waved his hands at the point where it reached over his nose. he seemed like a really shy guy, despite him being the hero of brooklyn.

you hummed in contentless, “well, my friends might hear an earful from me about this encounter. and how i’m going to be dancing with the savior of new york. so thanks for that, spidey.”

you gave him a small kiss on the cheek and he froze, fully expecting a kiss on the lips. peter told him about this whole ‘spiderman kiss’ thing and he wanted to try it. its how he won over mj, after all.

even if it didn’t turn out the way he hoped.

“woah..”

“didnt expect that?”

“absolutely not!”

afterwards notes: rewrote this twice also hype this up wtf

©hiimayee loves you !

#miles morales #miles g morales #miles morales x reader #across the spiderverse #miles morales blurbs #earth 1610 miles morales #earth 1610 miles morales x reader #spiderman 1610 #miles morales 1610 #earth 1610 #spiderman kiss #1610 miles x reader #miles 1610 #earth 1610 miles fluff #miles morales fic #miles x reader #miles morales fanfiction #miles morales imagine

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lawchwan · 21 days

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love alphabet (law)

note: i found this alphabet template but i can't find the original creator since i found it. if anyone knows, please inform me so i could credit.

Disclaimer: its mostly sfw but P, K, and Y, as p and y are nsfw and k is suggestive. also, i tried my best to keep it as gender-neutral as i could but some may be referenced as fem... but the majority is gender neutral.

crossposted in ao3

A = Affection (PDA, what sort of affection they give)

as many as one would say about him and pda, i’m also a firm believer that law is not a big fan of pda. however, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t enjoy showcasing his love for you. everyone has a love language and law has one, and its quality time. your mere presence calms him down, so he puts in the efforts to incorporate you in all activities he’s in in the modern universe, and all adventures in the canon universe (as long as you’re not injured and are nowhere near in danger).

however, he’ll only do any form of pda if he’s feeling jealous and possessive and sees someone trying to make a move on you, so it's not like he minds it, it's more of his comfort.

furthermore, he’s EXTRA affectionate in private. I’d even argue that he’s much more clingy in private than he is in public. he’ll never showcase that clingy whiny side of his in public and if you so mention it to anyone, then trust you’ll lose all privileges.

B = Babies (Anything you want about babies)

for law, I don’t believe he’s the type to want kids. I don’t think he’s against it, I just think he’d rather have pets/plants than actual babies. I can see him being a cat dad honestly.

but you best believe that if you were to have his kid, he’d be such an attentive and overprotective father and if anyone ever so lay a hand on his child, he’d sure cut their limbs into pieces. (both literally and figuratively)

C = Cuddles (How they cuddle or are cuddled)

it truly depends on the mood and who initiates it. if you saw him lying in bed or on the couch and you got on top of him, he’ll just wrap his arms around you as you lay on his chest. he’ll probably also have a book in his hand, so in true law fashion, he won’t say much so he’ll just do the action more than say anything.

simultaneously, when you lay on the bed and if he’s really tired due to work, he’ll just groan and pull you into him and let himself lay on top of you with his face nuzzling on your neck without suffocating you. you’d simply ask him how his day went and he’d just grumble back an “nghh” which means ‘I don’t feel like talking, let me just lay in peace’ and you just simply rub his back as he falls into a slumber.

TLDR; he can be a baby when he’s tired

D = Darling (Pet names)

He's not the biggest pet name guy but he’s the type to call you “babe/baby” if not by your name or how he’d call you “(y/n)-ya”

E = Enamored (how hard do they fall when in love)

you know the trope “they fell first, he fell harder”? I feel like if law was a trope, he’d be that.

law is nowhere near affectionate or emotional, but once you came into his life, you’ve impacted him in ways no one would think of, and yet you’re all he thinks of. he would even “subtly” mention you from time to time, and he wouldn’t notice how much he talks about you until Shachi and Penguin call him out on it and make fun of him for it (and he’d be in denial about it of course)

“y’know, (y/n) would love this necklace because it has their birthstone on it and I know how much they—“

“We know, bro, you’ve talked about them in the past hour.”

“NO, I DON’T!”

F = Firsts (A first on anything you pick)

if one would ask the two of you how your first kiss went, you’d get different responses from you and Law; with you finding it adorable and endearing, and him finding it embarrassing.

you two were in his room, alone, and watching a movie that you two have been wanting to watch but never got the chance until now. but despite the desire to watch, the two kept glancing at each other (mostly initiated by law, but he could never admit it), one hoping the other to just make a move.

law was never that experienced so he was nervous. using his knowledge from his time as a medical student, a little bit of his general psychology course, and the shows and media he consumes, he just went for it, and to say he went in deep would be an understatement.

although you were shocked at first, you kissed him back but you noticed that he suddenly went stiff and didn’t move as smoothly as he first did, so you pulled away and asked him if he was okay. and he looked at you like a deer in headlights.

“… I froze, didn’t I?”

law refuses to retell that story and is embarrassed every time you mention it.

G = Good Morning (How do they wake you up)

you’re dealing with an insomniac man, you tell me how it goes.

no, but in all seriousness, he’ll be very groggy so he’ll probably be the type to oversleep, so you have to wake him up. but if he ever woke you up, it’d probably be if he accidentally made his presence loud and you crave him.

but if you two happened to oversleep, then you got Shachi, Penguin, and Bepo barging in, yelling, and jumping on the bed to wake you two up like they’re overgrown children.

(in the modern universe; he’ll just push them out and glare at them to get out. meanwhile in the canon universe; he’ll simply use his devil fruit powers and just switch them out with specs of dust around the polar tank)

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs?)

oddly enough, for a cold individual, his hugs are warm and soothing to have around. again, he doesn’t give out hugs to anyone except you and maybe Bepo, but with that fact, his hugs just hit different with you.

he rarely asks for it, and he’ll give it to you if you want it… however, remember how I said he’ll participate in doing PDA if he’s feeling possessive? yeah, you best believe he’s the type to hug you from behind as you talk to the individual in front of you.

think like this:

I = In Labor (Labour and Delivery)

oh, you’re highly blessed to have law by your side. As a doctor, he’s very much prepared to take care of you while in labor and knows how to keep calm in your delivery process.

but deep down, as your boyfriend, he’s highly concerned and scared for you and your baby.

suffice to say, underneath that stoic, calm, and collected doctor, is a very scared man who wishes he could get rid of the pain of his significant other.

J = Jealousy (Are they jealous? How do they handle it?)

I’d say Law is a very secure guy in his relationship and once you’re in a relationship with him, you’re expected to be loyal to him as he is to you, so he has nothing to worry about if you fulfill that promise.

however, he does have his moments where he needs to step in to showcase to the person in front of you that you’re off the market and that you have a boyfriend who’s not afraid to cause chaos for their sake.

I’d say he’s more possessive than jealous.

K = Kisses (How do they kiss? How often?)

oh, his kiss just hits differently as much as his hugs.

while he hates PDA (or so he says), he is the type to give you a quick peck before leaving somewhere for an entire day, whether privately or in front of people. just a quick peck on the cheek or forehead in public, on the lips in private.

speaking of privacy, his kisses are also very loving in private. he loves to get into full-on make-out sessions with you on the bed, sometimes it does get sexual, but other times you two can’t get each other off of each other.

L = Loyal (How loyal are they?)

the law would kill for his crew, and you’re as special as his crew. law gives me the vibes of “I’ll take a bullet for the one I love, and if I survive, I’ll kill whoever tried to hurt the one I love” and it's a big claim since law is a very distrustful person and doesn’t let ANYONE in his life that easy.

so if you ever thought of breaking your loyalty and betraying law in any way, you’re practically dead to him.

M = Memory (Their favorite memory about you?)

when asked about your favorite memory, you’d say “Your first kiss with him” and he would yell at you, “NO!”

all jokes aside, his favorite memory is possibly when you two started working together. he can’t pinpoint why, it's not like you guys met under the best circumstances, but when you two started talking and getting to know each other through work, he started to get enamored by your presence and just wanted to know more about you.

N = Never! (Dealbreakers)

breaking your loyalty to him and you deliberately expose his vulnerable side to other people. Any betrayal is a big dealbreaker to him, but these two would set him off. like I’ve mentioned above in the loyalty section, do either of these and you’re dead to him.

O = On the Rocks (How do they make up?)

law is not the most emotionally intuitive but that doesn’t mean he’s not emotionally intelligent. While Law is not the most talkative, he does try to communicate with you and you two mainly hash out your problems and apologize if needed.

however, law is a levelheaded person, so as long as you don’t pull any dumb stunt like a certain someone, *cough* luffy *cough* you’re fine.

P = Playtime (Any headcanons on sex)

While Law’s not the most vocal, he’s the type to let out groans and slight whimpers in your ears when he reaches his climax.

and while he enjoys being dominant during sex, he does want to tap into his submissive side sometime in the future (which includes pegging), but his pride wouldn’t allow him. maybe it's a trust issue thing, so once he can trust 100%, he can reconsider

Q = Quiet Time (How do they wind down?)

just simply having your presence calms him down, especially when you two cuddle on his couch/bed, that sure puts him at ease.

R = Rapture (What makes them happy?)

your judgment-free perspective and your ability to hear him out without outright criticizing and mocking him makes this man feel so at ease. and with your loving smile, it sure makes his dopamine levels go up.

S = Soulmate (What do they think of soulmates?)

I don’t think Law would be a firm believer in soulmates. I don’t how to explain it but he never came off as someone who believes in such things due to him feeling like each time he gets close to someone, he loses them. so finding a “soulmate” doesn’t sound like something he’d be interested in.

however, with having you and his crew, he believes there’s something deeper to it, just like how he felt with Corazon… but he’s afraid that with that deep feeling, that would mean he’d lose you guys…

it's very complicated and he can never give you a direct answer, so oftentimes he’ll either say no or I don’t know.

T = Together (What do you like to do together?)

lounging around and reading a book together. sounds very typical of law, but what else could he do? he’s not the most extroverted individual and he certainly doesn’t like loud environments so having some quiet sessions with you is ideal for him.

U = Unyielding (How do they handle interlopers in the relationship?)

law is the king of being unbothered and masters the art of not giving a fuck. not to toot his own horn, but Law is hyper-aware that he’s good-looking and anyone would wish to be in your position. while he doesn’t see what you and others see in him, he understands that people do fawn over his intimidating and mysterious aura.

so he does get girls (and sometimes guys) to throw themselves at him and try to get in between you and him, only for him to embarrass them by apathetically rejecting their advances. no amount of luring could ever get to him as he would just hit them with his signature scowl and roll his eyes at them. his love for you is THAT deep.

meanwhile in your case… I’d be a broken record so go back to the jealousy and the whole PDA discourse.

V = Vulnerable (Are they vulnerable often? How do they handle it?)

law is not always vulnerable, thanks to his pride, trust issues, and trauma, but when he does become vulnerable, you better keep that shit to yourself and bury it in your grave. That's an oath you need to keep.

you’ll see him sometimes start tearing up and talk about how much he misses his family, old friends, and Corazon. his face would become red due to his crying as he pouts and starts to talk about his feelings.

you’d comfort him and eye him with a loving and supportive look. he would make eye contact with you through teary eyes and witness your look. that look solidified his trust in you and how comfortable he is talking about his feelings.

W = Wedding (Wedding headcanons)

law is not a big celebratory person, but he doesn’t simply want a courthouse wedding. not because he doesn’t want it, but because he knows that his crew would pester him for it and you would just laugh at their arguments, even if you don’t mind having a courthouse wedding.

so he’ll just have a small wedding, think kind of a backyard type of wedding where only the closest people are in attendance. while it's not big, you two would wear your elegant wedding attire and you two would shine together.

he just loves the small intimate ceremonies where all his favorite people gathered around and no one to disturb this beautiful moment.

X = (E)x (How do they handle exes? What do they do if they see them)

law is not that experienced in relationships so it's not like he had many exes and if he were to have one, he’d not acknowledge them if he saw them from afar. if they did walk up to them, he’d simply just apologize and walk away. it's not that law is not confrontational, it's just, what the hell was he supposed to do? the relationship’s done, there’s nothing to reignite.

I feel like Law’s the type who would not go back to his ex, even if he fell hard for them and still has slight feelings for them.

Y = Yearning (What do they do when they miss you?)

he’ll never admit it, and no matter how many times you’ve caught him, he’ll still not admit and deny it, but this man takes your clothes and/or pillows and constantly smells them until he sleeps.

it started with your pillow from your shared bed. you left to hang out with ikkaku and you may have lingered a bit longer than expected, and you came back later than you should have. you expected to be lightly scolded by law as you walked into the room, but instead, you were met with the sight of him sleeping with your pillow (and your discarded hoodie from earlier?), wrapping its arms around it like how he’d usually do with you.

it was an adorable sight, and when you call him out on it he’d be like “Huh? What are you talking about? I probably moved in my sleep” Yeah sure, Jan.

**NSFW**

furthermore, law has stolen your panties previously. when you were gone, Law, unfortunately, caught himself in a position where he desperately needed you. he eyes down at the imprint between his legs through his sweatpants.

he palms it as he hisses out a light cuss, wishing you could just walk in and take care of him, but he knows you won’t be here anytime soon. so he’ll take the closest thing to having you, he gets up to your drawer and fishes out your lace underwear.

he stared at it as he went back to his chair and he proceeded to palm himself through his sweatpants once again. he gripped your panties as he lowered his pants and boxers, revealing his hard cock, gasping at the air making contact with his sensitive skin.

he cusses at himself and calls himself a pervert for doing what he’s about to do as he wraps your panties around and starts to stroke it.

little does he know, you came in earlier than expected and walked into the hottest sight you’ve witnessed.

Z = Zzz… (Sleeping headcanons)

law is a small spoon, argue with the wall. he loves to lay on your chest as he enjoys the sound of your heartbeat (no pun intended), while he wraps his arms around your middle. he also loves it when you stroke his hair, it makes him go to sleep almost instantly as you see him roll his eyes and began to let out a tiny snore as he falls to sleep.

he sleeps like a baby all in all, and you love to take care of him.

characters are owned by oda. i will not tolerate nor accept translation, reposts on other websites, or plagiarism. divider made by mmadeinheavenn.

#one piece headcanons #trafalgar d law x reader #trafalgar law x reader #law x reader #trafalgar law smut #trafalgar law one piece #sage's trafalgar law #trafalgar law #trafalgar d law #trafalgar law fic

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kangaracha · 1 month

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QUEENMAKER | CHAPTER 13

---

pairing chan x reader

genre ninth member au, angst, fluff, coming of age, social media, cancel culture, anxiety, depression, forbidden love,

summary To JYPE, the solution is simple; take the sole trainee that will not debut with your brand new girl group, and use her to replace the missing vocalist in your male group that insisted on starting as nine.

Unfortunately, to the fans and the members themselves, it isn't that simple.

status ongoing

taglist OPEN

previous | masterlist | next

---

The way that Chan slumps straight down onto your sofa suggests that it has either been a long day or he is expecting a long night ahead. You're almost too scared to ask which is true; not that there's a way for you to wheedle out of blame for either being difficult. It's all related to you joining the group, and whatever was going on with your schedule.

In the end, Chan doesn't give you a chance to ask, his eyes roving around the apartment. "Your dorm is nice," he comments, in the sort of voice that would insinuate his isn't nice if you hadn't already seen it.

You glance around too, at the white walls and years-old pieces of furniture that clutter the space. They've all seen many singers come and go before you, and then were never built for that kind of handing down - but they're robust, if not entirely pretty. Dependable as a place to keep a home. "It's alright," you say, sinking into the seat beside him. "It's small. There's no way all eight of you would fit."

"It's loud enough in our dorm," Chan agrees, cutting a grin. "You should have seen when there was nine of us living on top of each other in one dorm."

Nine of us. Not you, of course, but the long-gone boy you were supposed to replace. You're not sure how the echo of the words over inside your head makes you feel. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you're distinctly aware that you've never heard him say that before (not even since you joined; always, it was the eight of them and one of you).

"Nightmareish," you say dryly, but the response is lacklustre, the joke weak and watery. Chan's smile fades.

"I guess I should stop stalling," he says, mistaking your tone for a different kind of distraction.

For two weeks, a heavy, curling tension has been holding itself steady in your gut; at the reminder of it now, it clenches its fist tight, your ribcage retracting and your breath shallow. You're going to debut, Minseo had said, and you'd thought it and thought it and thought it; but surely, it was unbelievable-

"I want you to perform at K-Con," Chan says, before the thought can finish flashing through your mind, and you freeze. "Not the whole concert, just God's Menu, or whatever you're confident in. Anything you want."

"Isn't K-Con in three weeks?" you question, and try to ignore the pounding of your heart in your chest. "You want me to debut in three weeks?"

A light dances in his eyes, that funny, coy smile he wears when he wants to mess with someone playing on his lips. "Technically, it doesn't count as a debut until the album comes out."

You’re seized by the sudden urge to push him off the couch - not that your hands move. You're still stuck in place, fingers twisted together in your lap; and even if you weren't, it's one thing to make playful threats in a text under his encouragement. It's another to enact them in real life, when he wants to sit across from you and offer you all of your dreams-

"Why?" you blurt out, and then realise belatedly that that might be just as rude as the actions you were trying to avoid.

Not that he cares, that smile slowly fading into something that isn't anger or humour. Even if you'd asked in Korean, you're pretty sure he wouldn't have minded. He was always telling you there was no hierarchy within this group, no reason to treat him with any respect.

"Because I want to," he insists. "The company agreed that you're ready - and you are ready. You've worked really hard."

You can't stop staring at him; that smile that's plastered across his face, the order of the words that come out of his mouth. You can't put your finger on why it gives you a bad feeling, and yet...something is off. You're sure of it. There's something he's not saying.

But what would he be keeping from you? Your mind wanders back through the things you know about him, the conversation you've had. Is this about the agreement you made, that you would stop working so hard once debut came? But he had just offered you a loophole out of that...and you've never known him to be that kind of sly anyway. Unless you don't know him as well as you think you do - which you suppose would be disappointing but not unexpected-

"What's wrong?" he asks, that pleased smile slipping from his face, and you can see it there under the crack; the secret, and the worry that holds itself stiff in his shoulders as he wonders if you've figured it out.

You have to take a deep breath first, and then another. The air won't quite reach the bottom of your lungs.

"It just doesn't make sense," you say, as kindly as you can. Your fingers twist at each other, tight enough to hurt.

"Doesn't it?" Chan asks. "You're ready for this, I promise."

"No," you say, certainty growing with every moment. "There's something you're not telling me."

Chan looks desperate. "There's nothing else to it."

He's a bad liar. You shake your head. "I'm just going to worry about it if you don't tell me."

"It's not something you should worry about," he insists. "I've got it under control."

"But there is something."

"No."

"You just admitted there's something."

He stops, thinking back through what he's said. Blanches. "Chan," you say, leaning forward, your elbows braced on your knees. You're surprised by the surprise on his face at the way you say his name - strong and unquestioning, free of honourifics and any kind of doubt. "Don't keep secrets from me. Please."

It's the weak little please at the end that makes him waver, the cracks of your resolve on the second syllable as the doubt over how far you can reasonably push him sinks its teeth in. He's still not angry though; if anything, he's scared, apprehension holding his tongue and reeling him, straight-backed, into the couch.

"It's better if you don't know," he says like he's delivering an apology. "I don't keep secrets. I just don't tell you things that are only going to hurt you. It's the same for all the boys - I don't see a reason in upsetting any of you when I've already resolved it."

You digest this slowly, your frustration melting word by word. "You're a really good leader," are the first words that blurt out of your mouth, a compliment that has him shaking his head and avoiding your gaze before the words are even out of your mouth. "And I appreciate it. Really."

There's a pause where you swallow the words that were about to come out of your mouth, too afraid to voice criticism, to risk the tenuous position you've built for yourself here.

"But?" Chan prompts as soon as the silence gets too loud.

Breathe.

"But," you say, intentionally slowing yourself down to one word at a time, "I've been around long enough to know when something's up, and I've looked after myself long enough to be able to handle it. If it's about debut and my career, I want to know what it is. Hurtful or not."

Chan's mouth twists unhappily. "I understand," he answers - and though he looks unhappy, you don't disbelieve him. "But also, you're not alone anymore. You're one of my people now, and it's my job to look after my people."

"I know that." Your hands are trembling, you realise suddenly, your head buzzing from the thrum of your heart beating in your ears. "And I know you like taking care of people and making sure the others never have to worry and all of that, but...that doesn't work for me. If I think something happened and I don't know what it is, I'm only going to sit here and think about it."

Inexplicably, a small smile twists at Chan's mouth, his eyes softening. "That's not going to help any more than me telling you is," he says lightly.

"Yeah," you sigh, leaning back. "I know."

For a moment, silence falls, the tension in the air unwinding itself into something a little more comfortable as you work your way through all the things you think you should say. Chan waits patiently; understanding, maybe, that you need a moment to think, that what you're trying to say might not come out the right way the first time you say it. That would be nice. It already feels like you're risking everything to have this conversation.

"Don't baby me," you say eventually, and then cringe at how blunt the statement sounds coming out of your mouth. "I'm old enough, I can handle whatever it is. I've taken care of myself all this time."

"You're not alone anymore though," Chan repeats, stronger this time.

"I still want to know what's happening though," you insist. "Where I stand with you, or the company, or - whatever it is. Even in a group, it's my career. I deserve to know."

"Okay," Chan says, and then again, "Okay." He stops for a moment, eyeing you appraisingly, and then says, "It's important to me that you listen to what I'm saying though. You're not alone anymore. We're a family, and we work so well because we're all committed to each other. If you want to be a part of this, you have to be as well. Do you understand?"

Your chin dips towards your chest - first in a nod, and then to stare at your hands rather than the unyielding intensity of his gaze, waiting for your answer. Waiting to see if he should be worried about you and whatever commitment he's made to you without you knowing. "I'm trying," you say, and you try your best to colour your voice in that raw honesty that burns at your chest. "I really am - I just don't want to pretend to be one of you if you're not all ready to accept me. I don't want to just come in and say I'm part of Stray Kids, I'm the same as the rest of you who have been here from the start-"

"You are one of us," he says over the top of you, cutting you off short. "We've all accepted you. If you want, in the morning, we can go and ask every single member and they'll tell you the same thing, but I need...I need you to let go of that. Forget Midnight and all the other groups that you nearly joined and being by yourself, and be part of Stray Kids. That's the person I want to show to Stay next month. That's the person I need in this group."

You swallow hard, blinking back tears. It feels big, this moment - bigger than the climax of any reality show, or the flight and fall of your time in Midnight, or the countless monthly evaluations that have passed you by in your time here. Bigger than auditions and leaving your home behind, the hardest moment you'd once thought you'd live through, when you were younger and less wary of the world. And for it to be Chan that sits there and asks this of you, his heart on his sleeve and his nature so honest and well intentioned, so hard to let down-

"I can do that," you say, around a tongue that feels thicker and heavier than it was before, a mouth stuffed full of cotton. You look up, meeting his eyes, and you're surprised to find a smile there, slowly lifting his face and crinkling at the corners of his eyes. Pleased. Relieved.

"Okay," he says, a breath blowing out with the word. "Good. Because I really want to keep you."

"Good," you echo. "Because I really want to stay."

He laughs; a small, soft thing that unwinds the tension in your chest. You pull in another breath, push back the tears again; preparing for what you need to say next.

"I meant what I said earlier though," you add, your shoulders squaring and your jaw clenched tight. "This is important to you, and it's important to me that I know exactly what's going on."

You hate watching that smile struggle and fade again, gone as quickly as you had earned it. "You're not going to like it," he warns, but he doesn't try to fend you off again.

"That's okay," you sigh. "Nothing unusual."

His mouth twists against words that he decides not to say. "The company offered last week to let us continue as eight members," he admits, one of his hands reaching up to pick mindlessly at the pillow of your couch. "They were pretty insistent about it, actually. I told them we wanted to be nine."

Your gaze turns sharp, your head swivelling to stare at him. "Why?" you ask, your voice gasping - because you can't fathom, after the back-and-forth of the last three months and the drama of delaying your debut when they'd been so hell-bent on revealing you in time for the last album, why they would turn around and try to take you out just as quickly.

"Because God's Menu did so well." Chan shrugs. "We weren't doing very well as a group before that; the last two albums were rough, and losing a member...I guess they thought without him we weren't ever going to be able to do as well as we did at debut, and then we went and proved to them that we are profitable as eight members. And they thought they could just use you as a backup plan."

"And you-"

"I told them they already spent the last three months fucking around to make us a nine member group, so we're going ahead as nine." You're surprised at the way his voice turns sharp, the hardening of his eyes and the dig of his fingers into the cushion. "They asked me if you were ready to debut, and I told them you could debut at our next concert if they wanted - which I probably shouldn't have said, because they decided that was a great idea, but-"

It's him that's rambling now, you that cuts across him with a, "Chan." He stops short, looking up at you with eyes that remind you of how you'd felt just moments ago - unsure, wary of how you're going to react. Sure that you're going to be angry for some reason, even though what he's done is...

"Thank you," you say, your voice dropping away to almost nothing - tears well in the corners of your eyes, unbidden, dripping down your cheeks even though your throat aches with the effort of trying to swallow them back down. "No one's ever done anything like that for me before."

"Hey, don't cry," he says, alarmed. His weight shifts across the couch, his arms reaching out - before you can wave him away, they envelop you in a hug, pulling you into his chest. It's been a long time since you hugged anyone; you're surprised at just how much you didn't know that you missed this kind of comfort, the tightening of someone else's arms around you and the warmth of another body close.

"You better get used to it," he says over the tuck of your head into his shoulder, your tears drying on his hoodie. "You're stuck with me now."

"You didn't even ask me first," you say, and listen to the way he laughs. "I'm going to do a good job at K-Con. I promise."

"We'll talk about it tomorrow," he says, before you can continue on. "We're going to have to plan how to show those idiots that they were wrong."

"It's my special talent," you joke weakly. "They haven't got rid of me yet."

You can hear the satisfied smile on his face, the amused huff of breath that ghosts over the top of your head. "And they never will," he says, and it sounds like a promise. A prophecy.

TAGLIST

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youremyheaven · 8 days

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The Internal Corrosiveness of Venus: Venusian Women & Self Harm

TW: self harm, abuse, suicide, violence, trauma

Claire had remarked that "Venus is internally corrosive whilst externally pleasant and Mars is externally corrosive but internally pleasant". This led me down a rabbit hole to try to understand whether this "internally corrosive" nature manifests as self harm & eating disorders and unfortunately, it does. Venusian women struggle with perfectionism and are extremely self-critical. Venusian energy is HARSH. Venus natives struggle to uphold a certain standard that they subject themselves too because if I'm being honest Venus is the OG "not like other girls girl", they believe they're better than others, and tbh in many ways they probably are but this also means they put undue pressure on themselves to keep being that way.

All Venusian naks are Ugra or "fierce" in nature and while I've talked about how Venusian violence and cruelty can be directed at others in my other posts, I think its worth mentioning how Venusians can be just as cruel to themselves. This is especially true of Venusian women as women internalise their problems while men wreak external havoc (like causing wards and killing people) but there are many male Venusians who struggle internally as well.

In ancient religions, Goddesses of love also had other functions or powers that had nothing to do with love

the Egyptian Goddess Isis was the goddess of love, healing, fertility, magic, and the moon. She was the goddess of life and magic, Isis protected women and children and healed the sick.

She was a great magician, whose power transcended that of all other deities.

The Mesopotamian Goddess Ishtar is the goddess of love and sexuality, and thus, fertility; she is responsible for all life, but she is never a Mother goddess. She is also the Goddess of War.

I'm using these examples to show that the ancients had a more complex and nuanced understanding of Venusian energy. One cannot worship love without understanding that "war" is a consequence of it. Love & war are not very different from each other. When someone believes in something and is willing to die for it, we find that to be very honourable. Sometimes this belief leads men to kill others over it and depending on the cause, we describe the war as "good" or "bad" (kill a bunch of fascists and then its a "righteous" war, if you kill innocent people, then its an unholy war etc). Being at a state of war describes Venusian nature very well since Venus is also connected to royalty and if you're born into royalty, you get to live a very "exclusive" very privileged life that few get to enjoy but the stakes are also that much higher since you could be beheaded or executed or exiled and live a life that is far worse than the average person.

In this post I want to explore how this "state of war" can manifest internally in an ordinary Venusian and contribute to self harm, eating disorders and drug abuse.

Bella Hadid- Purvaphalguni Moon & Rising

Bella has admitted to smoking since she was a teenager and getting a rhinoplasty at 14. Her pro ana Tumblr from when she was a teen is infamous at this point. She has never openly spoken about it but it is widely speculated that she struggles with an eating disorder and possible drug abuse as well.

“I was the uglier sister. I was the brunette. I wasn't as cool as Gigi, not as outgoing,” she said. “That's really what people said about me.” I also feel like Venusians grow up feeling really ugly and completely unaware of their magnetism. They only really grow into their looks when they're older (obvs there are exceptions) and I think being bullied for what they have and don't have are also big themes.

Demi Lovato- Bharani Moon

Demi has spoken about struggling with self harm, eating disorders and drug abuse.

Lovato said, “growing up, I had been bullied in school,” saying she “felt like an outsider," and "like an outcast,” but then she became friends with a girl who was popular. “One day, I asked her ‘how do you have all these friends?,’” Lovato noted, and the girl asked Lovato “do you party?" Lovato explained, "She asked me, 'Do you drink?,'" with Lovato saying that this was her first experience with drugs and alcohol, adding, “we experienced a lot of stuff together, drinking and using, and growing up.” Bharani being an outcaste nakshatra resulted in Demi feeling like one growing one :(((

Taylor Swift- Purvashada Rising

Taylor opened up about her eating disorder in her documentary

Lindsay Lohan- Bharani Moon

LiLo has struggled with self harm, drug abuse and battled eating disorders

Oscar Wilde, Purvaphalguni Rising wrote The Picture of Dorian Gray

The plot goes like this : An attractive Englishman's image is captured in a painting that keeps him from ageing, when he exchanges his soul for eternal beauty. But for every sin that he commits, his image in the portrait rots.

This is a very deeply Venusian story, and very specifically Purvaphalguni esque because Purvaphalguni is the height of Venus. It can be said that its also true of Venusians in general. They are outwardly splendorous, they seem to have it all together but inwardly they tend to be inflicting wounds upon themselves in order to keep it all together.

Johnny Depp- Purvashadha Moon

He has also battled eating disorders, self harm and drug abuse.

Iggy Pop- Bharani Moon

"THERE IS EXTREME, there is legendary — and then there is Iggy Pop. Beginning in his earliest days with the Stooges taunting Ann Arbor frat boys and small town Michigan folk, Iggy made an art of excess: self-mutilation, self-exposure and self-destruction. His risky theatricality required an audience to respond, participate or get the heck out of there. And the sex and violence hardly stopped after the show was over."- this is how Rolling Stone described Iggy Pop and tbh this is a very Venusian description

In 1974, at his first solo concert dubbed The Murder of a Virgin. "Do you want to see blood?" Iggy asked the crowd, which howled affirmatively back at him. Then, at Iggy's urging, guitarist Ron Asheton, wearing a Nazi outfit, whipped Iggy repeatedly. Iggy began hurling racial epithets at a black spectator, hoping to goad the man into stabbing him with the steak knife he'd brought onstage. No luck, so he closed the set by carving an X into his chest himself.

Marilyn Manson- Purvashadha Sun

He has struggled with self harm in the past (there are images online if you're interested) and in 2013, he tried to simulate self harm on stage by holding a knife to his wrist in the middle of a performance??

Christina Ricci- Purvashadha Moon

Ricci has said she suffered from anorexia as a teenager and was sexually assaulted as a child. “There was no discussion at that time about trauma, and about recovering from those things, about PTSD,” she said. As a result, she ended up “acting out and coping in ways that weren't good."

Robert Downey Jr- Bharani Moon, Mars in Purvaphalguni

its pretty well known that RDJ was severely addicted to drugs at one point and it started when he was a child and drugs was given to him by his dad:///

Megan Fox- Purvashadha Rising

"I have body dysmorphia — I don't ever see myself the way other people see me," Fox said. "There's never a point in my life where I loved my body, never, ever." "When I was little, that was an obsession I had of, like, but I should look this way,"

‘However, at a certain point, I went through some trauma in childhood and I developed a pretty severe eating disorder and manic depression, which runs in my family, so there was definitely some wrestling with chemical imbalance going on,’ she shared.

its interesting how so many of these natives begin struggling with these issues very early in life

Colin Farrell- Purvashadha Rising, Jupiter conjunct Ketu in Bharani

While he did not say that he had cut himself when he was younger, Colin Farrell had some self-inflicting behavior during his younger days. He spoke on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and said that he used to actually enjoy pulling out huge tufts of his hair.

Pete Davidson- Purvaashadha Rising

'I used to bang my head against walls,' he admitted. 'If I couldn't deal with something -- if someone told me something sad or something I couldn't deal with I would bang my head against the wall, hoping I'd pass out because I didn't want to be in that situation because I couldn't handle that.

Melanie Lynskey- Bharani Moon

“I stopped throwing up, mostly. It took a while. But that was a big one. I had, for a very long time, been on this diet that was basically 800 calories a day, and if I ate anything over 800 calories, I would throw up,” she said. “I was never bingey. Sometimes I’d be starving, and I’d have another teacup of Special K. Then I’d be like, ‘Well, now I gotta throw it up.’”

Tila Tequila- Purvaphalguni Moon

On March 7, 2012, it was reported that Tequila had agreed to check into rehab after having reportedly "almost died" from an attempted suicide by overdosing on pills. The incident caused her to be hospitalized for a brain aneurysm. Tequila completed her rehab treatment on April 5, 2012.

Jeffree Star- Purvashadha Moon

images of him self harming once went viral

Till Lindemann- Purvashadha Sun

he's known for his SH scars and has even written poems about it in German??? its called "The poems: Knives on silent nights"

Portia de Rossi- Rahu in Purvashadha 2h

she's struggled with an eating disorder

Padma Lakshmi- Purvaphalguni Sun & Moon

"When filming "Top Chef," I consume about 5,000 to 8,000 calories a day,'' she wrote. "I typically gain anywhere from 10 to 17 pounds every season. Once I get home, what's taken me six weeks to gain takes me 12 weeks to take off. It's always a nail-biting extravaganza at fittings, praying that a few pretty dresses that came down the runway on a teenage model who is a size 0 will miraculously fit my 40-something body,'' she wrote. "Getting ready for the Emmys is always fun, and it's truly an honor to be nominated. But at the same time, in spite of my high metabolism, I worry each year that I'm not going to fit into anything nice. So, this year, I've decided my weight will not be my focus,'' she wrote. "If I need a bigger dress, so be it. That one day — or any day — on the red carpet isn't nearly as important as making sure my daughter doesn't measure her worth by her dress size."

i guess this is a more positive manifestation of Venusian self image struggles

Jessica Alba- Bharani Stellium (Sun, Mercury & Venus)

“I was meant to feel ashamed if I tempted men,” she said. “Then I stopped eating a lot when I became an actress. I made myself look more like a boy so I wouldn’t get as much attention.”

Katie Couric- Purvashadha Sun

“I wrestled with bulimia all through college and for two years after that,” she shared with Lovato while interviewing her, per Glamour. “I know this rigidity, this feeling that if you eat one thing that’s wrong, you’re full of self-loathing and then you punish yourself, whether it’s one cookie or a stick of gum that isn’t sugarless, that I would sometimes beat myself up for that. How do you have a healthy relationship with food, and say, ‘You know what, I can have one cookie and it’s OK?’ That is such a huge thing for people who wrestle with this.”

Zayn Mailk- Purvaphalguni Moon

In his 2016 autobiography, Zayn, he shared it would sometimes cause him to go two or three days without eating a single bite of food. “Something I’ve never talked about in public before, but which I have come to terms with since leaving the band, is that I was suffering from an eating disorder. It got quite serious, although at the time I didn’t recognize it for what it was,” he wrote. “When I look back at images of myself—before the final tour—I can see how ill I was. The workload and the pace of life on the road put together with the pressures and strains of everything going on within the band had badly affected my eating habits. Food was something I could control, so I did.”

Zoe Kravitz- Purvaphalguni Moon conjunct Ketu

“I think it was part of being a woman, and being surrounded by [fame],” she said. “I think it was definitely about being around that world, seeing that world. I felt pressured.” After playing an anorexic character in a movie, she hit her lowest of lows and was so malnourished that her immune system shut down. Months later, she decided to make a change. “I just felt it was different,” she said. “I don’t know… if a f—king spirit came over me and said: ‘You have to stop.’”

Mel C, Purvaphalguni Rising

"When I was in the Spice Girls, the stress of suddenly being thrust into the limelight led me into an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise,” she told The Mirror in 2012. “I became obsessed about what I ate and I cut lots of food groups, like carbs and protein, out of my diet. I survived on fruit and vegetables and little else.”

Nicole Scherzinger- Mars conjunct Rising in Purvaphalguni

"I really struggled with feeling like I fit in. I even had a hard time feeling like I fit into my own skin. I was really hard on myself and had a lot of struggles with self-esteem and a lot of insecurities,” she said. “Later on, that resulted in me having eating disorders because of my body dysmorphia.”

if you're reading this and struggling, you're not alone. please get help!! its not too late to turn things around!! youre so strong and you can do this!!

#venus #purvaphalguni #bharani #purvashadha #astrology notes #vedic astro notes #astrology observations #nakshatras #sidereal astrology #astrology #astro notes #astro observations #vedic astrology #astroblr

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martian-astro · 4 months

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Atmakaraka series - Part 1

Atmakaraka is the planet with the highest degree in the birth chart.

Short note : atmakaraka can give good or bad results depending on the strength of the atmakaraka planet.

Atmakaraka in 1st house:-

In this life the person needs to take care of themselves and focus on their own development.

Sun atmakaraka in 1st house- I like this one the most, I have only met 1 person with this placement, and she's so charming. I feel like people just see them as a leader. Sun is in one of the best positions here and people who have this placement definitely have a high self-confidence unless the sun is aspected by a malefic planet. It's also very easy for these people to focus on themselves. (now that I think about it, I really don't remember any celebrity having this placement, or maybe I've just forgotten, I'll have to check again, and then make a separate post about it because people who have it just have this "I know I'm the best" kind of vibe, you know???)

Moon atmakaraka in 1st house - I have noticed that people who have this are very sensitive, they try to hide their feelings but they are unable to do so. You know when you ask someone if they are okay and then they start crying and say "Nope, I'm okay, everything's fine" and you can SEE that they're not fine, that situation reminds me of this placement. People with this should definitely meditate, and Journaling can help too, and share your feelings with your friends or family. You guys need to learn how to control your emotions and deal with them in a healthy way. (also, not to generalise but be careful when dating a guy who has moon atmakaraka in 1st conjunct Mars because one of my friend was dating a guy with it and let's just say he was.... Aggressive)

Mercury Atmakaraka in 1st house - yooo, I'm so jealous of people with this, you know those people who start studying 1 day before an exam and still manage to score 90+, yup its them. I know a person with this placement who always has such "controversial" opinions but when you listen to why he thinks that, they make so much sense, he doesn't say things just to piss people off, he actually does his research and UNDERSTANDS an issue before talking about it. If afflicted, they can be scared to express their opinions because they know that it goes against the majority. I wouldn't say just express your opinions because I know how the world is but rather make friends who have the same opinion as you and talk to them. (it's okay if you hate Colleen Hoover, I'm with you)

Venus atmakaraka in 1st house - I know 3 people with this placement and their fashion sense is just WOW, not just fashion sense but design sense in general. So I know a girl with this placement, and she lives in a super tiny studio apartment but when you enter, it feels like the house is HUGE, because of the way she has designed it, placed the furniture and the colors that she has used. I also see a lot of people saying that people with this are extroverted and love the company of others but I don't think it's true for everyone. The studio apartment girl is super shy, she doesn't like going to parties or interacting with other people, she mostly keeps to herself. If afflicted, these people can have low self esteem and they can wear baggy clothes because they don't feel confident enough to wear the clothes that they really WANT to wear.

Mars atmakaraka in 1st house - so I know a person with this placement (that person is me), who loves playing sports, people who have it can be very athletic and be interested in activities like hiking and trekking, I also know another person who has this placement and she HATES working out, but she also has a very hard time controlling her anger, because there's no outlet, so when she's angry she just starts yelling and hitting people or just starts crying in the middle of nowhere, I used to be like this, but it got better once I started doing muay Thai and fencing, it's because all of my anger was being used in that. They can also feel their blood boiling when reading about social issues and it can make them really angry to read about things that they don't agree with, and listen to people who don't agree with them(like if someone tells me feminism is not needed anymore, I'm resorting to violence because WHAT THE FUCK??)

Jupiter atmakaraka in 1st house - these people are the definition of "mom friend", they are really good at giving advice and they are good at teaching as well, I have noticed. I have a friend who has this placement and she would teach me maths 1 week before the exam because our teachers were shit, and I would always score well because of how nicely she would teach me the concepts. She also convinced her mother to divorce her husband, and she was literally like "If you take this decision, I'll be with you, we'll figure something out don't worry. But if you don't leave him, then I'll leave and you can suffer alone", 💀, this may seem harsh but her mom needed to hear that. They can also unfortunately become the victims of parentification.

Saturn atmakaraka in 1st house - (everyone who has Saturn atmakaraka deserves a hug). They can be very pessimistic and can give up on things very easily, they can feel like no matter how hard they work they never get good results. I know a person with this, who would study SO hard, like stay in the library for HOURS only to get very low marks. I know that Mars is considered a malefic planet but in this case, if your Saturn is in conjunction with Mars then your situation becomes so much better, like no matter how many times you fail, YOU WILL NOT GIVE UP, and then, in the end, Saturn will give the best result because Saturn wants you to never give up, it wants you to fall and fall again but still complete the race and Mars, in this case, becomes the hand that helps you get up when you fall.

(all pictures are taken from Pinterest, this is not my art)

#vedic astrology #sidereal astrology #vedic observations #astrology observations #astroblr #atmakaraka #Sun atmakaraka #moon atmakaraka #Mercury atmakaraka #Venus atmakaraka #Saturn atmakaraka #Mars atmakaraka #Jupiter atmakaraka #astro observations

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goingbuggy · 9 months

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Sacrifice as an Act of Love in One Piece

Been thinking recently about how Oda uses character sacrifices in One Piece so often. Ace’s death is probably the most obvious example, but you can argue the same for so many others: Zoro taking Luffy's pain, Shanks losing his arm, Bon Clay staying behind at Impel Down... Corazon, Bellmere, Whitebeard, Tom, Pell, Pedro, Zeff, Rouge … it just goes on and on. But why do we see characters make sacrifices for the sake of others? Why are these moments so significant?

In the world of One Piece, sacrifice is a means of protecting someone else's freedom.

It has been established time and time again that freedom is the driving force of life itself. People cannot dream without the freedom to do so. And without dreams, of course, no one has the willpower to achieve anything at all. As a result of this ripple effect, the world's collective future would implode. After all, who creates destiny — the series of events which dictate the world's future — if not people with the willpower to achieve their dreams, interconnecting?

Fate and the willpower One Piece characters have to achieve their dreams is a bit of a chicken-and-egg relationship. (e.g. Did fate lead Luffy to his dream, or did Luffy's dream create his fate?) But regardless, Oda clearly shows us that these three aspects of a meaningful life are all dependent on freedom.

This is why I think Roger's quote is so pivotal to the series at large:

“Inherited will, the destiny of the age, and the dreams of the people. As long as people continue to pursue the meaning of freedom, these things will never cease to be!"

As long as you have freedom, you can dream and do just about anything; the world is your oyster. So, when Ace sacrifices his own life, he protects Luffy in a physical sense, sure. But he also protects Luffy's freedom to live — and by extension, Luffy's dream (whatever it may be).

In One Piece, sacrifice is not the act of valuing someone else's freedom more than your own. It is the act of treasuring someone's freedom so deeply that it becomes equal to yours. Characters like Corazon and Bellemere put their lives on the line without regrets, without expecting anything in return, because of love. Simple as that.

Nothing highlights this idea more than the conversation between Sengoku and Law at the end of Dressrosa. Law believes Corazon saved his life because of his ties to the Will of D., but Sengoku denies this and delivers one of the most beautiful quotes in any piece of media:

"Don't try to find a reason for somebody's love."

True sacrifice is an act of love in its highest form: unconditional, selfless, and entirely free.

#we could also talk about how oda distinguishes love from self-hatred through character sacrifices #sanji and robin are two great examples #they both sacrifice their lives because of how little they value themselves #but they are not rewarded for this behavior narratively #in thriller bark both sanji and zoro are prepared to sacrifice themselves for luffy and the rest of the crew #the only difference is zoro knows his worth and sanji does not #that character growth is saved for whole cake island #long post #one piece #one piece meta #op meta #portgas d ace #donquixote rosinante #corazon #trafalgar law #monkey d. luffy #bellemere #bon clay

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indigovigilance · 7 months

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Why Crowley Rescues Aziraphale

Okay, yes: it's flirtatious, it's cute, it's Anthony J. "Acts of Service" Crowley showing love in the only way he knows how because God forbid he use his words.

But what if there's more to it than that? What if there is a much darker explanation that portends major events in S3?

Allow me to convince you below the cut:

Evidence of Repetition Compulsion

But before we talk about the rescue motif, let's examine a more transparent aspect of Crowley's behavior that will provide a scaffold for the discussion of his Princess Peach obsession.

The Plants

Sure, Crowley is a hobby horticulturalist, but he doesn't do it because he loves plants. He does it because the plants are a representation of himself, and how he treats the plants tells us how he feels about himself. Importantly, how he treats the plants changes over time.

Season 1

He puts the fear of Crowley into them, destroying any specimen with a blemish and making an example out of it to threaten those that remain.

You know, just like God did to him.

This scene is jam-packed with symbolism, and we can simmer on whether his punishment of the plants is simply externalized self-flagellation, or reflects internalized standards of perfectionism, or if he feels so powerless that he creates a new relationship in which he is the one that has the power... We could simmer, but that's not the point of this meta, so let's keep going.

Season 2

In 2023, Crowley is no longer a domineering monarch, ruling over his houseplants with an iron fist; of all the memorabilia he has in his flat (the statue from the church, the original Mona Lisa), the only things he brings with him are his plants.

And for someone living in his car, he's taking pretty good care of them:

Someone else even noted that one of the plants appears to have spots, and clearly he hasn't thrown it in the garbage disposal for its transgressions. I wasn't able to see it myself, but I headcanon it because it fits with the observation that:

Crowley's attitude towards himself is changing.

He is evolving from internalized guilt and sense of inferiority to believing that he deserves care, even if he is a little blemished. It is this shift that brings it within the realm of possibility that he can admit his feelings to Aziraphale.

In both seasons, the unifying theme is that Crowley is reliving his trauma over and over, and then reliving his healing over and over. This cyclical behavior is, to my knowledge, incredibly characteristic of PTSD and CPTSD. In a phenomenon clinically referred to as Repetition Compulsion, the subject recreates and relives events of a traumatic past over and over in their present life, seeking resolution for something that has already happened, where the opportunity for true, satisfying closure is forever lost to the past. A huge part of therapeutic treatment is breaking these maladaptive cycles [citations]. But to our knowledge, Crowley doesn't have a therapist.

If this is how Crowley's CPTSD manifests in his relationship with inanimate objects semi-sentient dependents, how might it manifest in his relationship with his angel?

The Rescue Motif

The cycle of Aziraphale's self-endangerment and Crowley's nick-of-time rescues might look like just a cute part of their flirtationship, a necessary cover for their continued association, but I argue that it something much darker.

Crowley rescues Aziraphale over and over throughout history to try to absolve himself for the one time he couldn't.

But clearly, Aziraphale doesn't know that.

It only took one rescue for Aziraphale to realize that this kind of behavior brings them closer together - and he desperately wants to get close to Crowley. Please forgive the crudeness of the metaphor, but: when you need to drive a screw into a board and all you have is a hammer, you're gonna smack that thing on the head over and over with the only tool you've got. The problem is, this is really bad for the screw.

Aziraphale, by leveraging the damsel-in-distress motif, over and over again, is inadvertently triggering a trauma response from Crowley because he likes what he gets out of it, which is spending time with the demon he loves and growing intimacy. If he knew that this is what he was doing, it would be sick and twisted and go against everything he believes about himself as an angel, let alone being mortified that he was hurting Crowley.

So the only possible conclusion (given we take the above conjectures as fact (see @queerfables, I listen to you <3)) is that:

Aziraphale Doesn't Know About His Own Jimmification

What is it that Crowley could have failed to rescue Aziraphale from that Aziraphale himself is unaware of? Well, at the least, it would have to involve a mind-wipe.

We know, canonically, that the Metatron can and will mind-wipe angels without actually casting them out of Heaven. Just because Aziraphale is an angel does not mean we can assume that this ability was never leveraged against him.

If Crowley knew that they were going to do this to his friend, he would have tried to stop it. The repeating damsel-rescue motif (in context of the existing, plant-based evidence of Repetition Compulsion) is a strong indicator that his mission to protect Aziraphale from the memory-wipe failed, and he is living in an endless loop of rescue behavior to try to resolve his guilt about that.

So why wouldn't Crowley tell Aziraphale that his mind was erased?

To properly address that I will need time to write a part 2. But others are welcome to use this as a jumping-off point, please just cite the inspo; it's a little thing that brings me joy ^_^

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the meantime, if you enjoyed this, you may also like:

Why Crowley is Blind to his Yellow Eyes

A Nightingale Sang in 1941

Baraqiel and Azazel

The Erasure of Human!Metatron

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens meta #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #repetition compulsion #trauma #ptsd #complex ptsd #good omens memory #ivoc #erasure theory

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hockeyandhrsepwr · 1 year

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Off the Sea

Charles Leclerc x yachtie reader

CharlesLeclerc

Charlesleclerc Big thanks to RivaYacht for the fun this summer (and yntakestheseas)

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yntakestheseas Are you thanking me for fun too or thanking them for me?? #Confuzzled

LandoNorris I mean, you did meet because of them

ArthurLeclerc true dat

yntakestheseas no one asked you gremlins

Charlesleclerc be nice to the children!

Bestie you should be thanking me for convincing her to give you a chance

yntakestheseas It didn’t take much convincing

Bestie Babe, i remember differently

yntakestheseas 🤫, he thinks he has swag.

Joris Doesn't even give me photo creds

yntakestheseas Thanks for the photos J!! 📸Always happy to have you around

Joris at least someone appreciates me 👍

Charlesleclerc

Charlesleclerc 4 years of bliss. Happy Anniversary mon amour 💕💕

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yntakestheseas Happy anniversary lover boy 🫶❤️

Fan4 4 Years!?

yntakestheseas we were trying to be private, and it would’ve worked too if it wasn’t for that meddling gossip account!

Charlesleclerc did you just steal a villain speech from Scooby Doo?

yntakestheseas and what if I did?🤨

CarlosSainz55 The two of you are sickeningly cute

yntakestheseas aw, thanks buddy 😘

yntakestheseas

yntakestheseas guys help me to convince Charles that we need this

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Charlesleclerc babe stop being ridiculous

yntakestheseas just imagine how cool we'll look whipping around the port in this bad boy!!

Charlesleclerc who is we? Because it sure as hell won’t be me

PierreGasly I vote yes, but just so I can make fun of him

ScudderiaFerrari Its a yes from us!

Fan847 omg please!

yntakestheseas

yntakestheseas Monaco nights with Bestie

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Bestie never a dull moment with you!!

yntakestheseas you know you love it

LandoNorris next time don't drag me out with you

Bestie you begged to be invited

CharlesLeclerc God my girl is a stunner 😍

yntakestheseas she is isn’t she?

PierreGasly did you seriously just compliment yourself?

Yntakestheseas if you’ve got it flaunt it. And says you mr photo dump

yntakestheseas

yntakestheseas Cheers to the best crew ever, I’m gonna miss you guys

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Stew2 best boss ever

yntakestheseas Aw, I love you sm!!

BoatCapJoe sure I can’t convince you to come back?

yntakestheseas not this time Joe!! Its been amazing working with you over the last 3 years though

BoatCapJoe We’ll miss you but you’re moving on to better things!!

Deck37 Will miss working & nights out with you!

yntakestheseas ill miss you too!! We’ll catch up next time you’re around

User74 what do you do for the winter when yachting? I’m interested in the industry!

yntakestheseas a lot of yachties go and do the Caribbean season which starts around November, do other seasonal jobs like skiing or go home until the following April. I personally stick around Europe (there is still work) and usually end up doing couple of trips to Dubai or the Seychelles, it really just depends on who you work for! But good luck! Its a great job to have

yntakestheseas

yntakestheseas yacht girl summer

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PierreGasly isn’t every summer technically that for you?

yntakestheseas yes but no.

Bestie girlie is thriving

yntakestheseas its a hard life. Although the service is a bit shit

ArthurLeclerc thats rude

yntakestheseas you dropped a whole bottle of champagne on me! And a cup of coffee

ArthurLeclerc THAT WASNT ME!!

yntakestheseas well it wasn’t a ghost

CharlesLeclerc Sure it wasn’t ArthurLeclerc

F1fan so she’s just using Charles for his money then?

Fan23 let her live, she clearly has worked hard

yntakestheseas actually babe, I had a week off because the boat I work on needed some repairs which is why I decided to join my boyfriend on holiday if thats okay with you?

Ferrari23 ooh, get them queen

twitter

F1gossip

The New F1 season is getting underway as drivers head to Bahrain. The question on everyone mind, will we get a Y/N sighting in the paddock this year? Since her relationship with the Ferrari driver was exposed this past summer, can we expect our favourite stewardess to make an appearance & support her boyfriend?

F1 Gossip

Well folks, we're into May now and no y/n sightings. is there trouble in paradise for the fan favourite couple?

Fan56 dude they were private for nearly 4 years. just because she hasn't been spotted doesn't mean they've broken up.

f1user omg just let her exist in peace!! she's probably working

yntakestheseas

yntakestheseas This'll be the first summer since I started yachting at 18 that I'm not on a boat, but 9 years later it’s time for a new adventure with my favourite person by my side 🫶

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Charlesleclerc no one I’d rather do this with mon amour

Ferrarifan84 Oh my god what!!!

Bestie Mama mode!!! Can't wait to meet the little one

yntakestheseas They can't wait to meet favourite auntie!!

Aurthurleclerc Favourite uncle loading!

Lorenzotl sure

PierreGasly dibs on godfather!

Carlossainz55 I don’t think so mate

CharlesLeclerc it’s neither of you

SebastianVettel Congratulations! You’re going to be amazing parents

yntakestheseas Thank you Seb!!

LandoNorris Can I babysit!!

yntakestheseas absolutely not

LewisHamilton Can I?

yntakestheseas Absolutely, as long as Roscoe comes to visit

LandoNorris 😮

Fan565 dad Charles era!!!!

F1gossip holy crap

Estebanocon Congrats!!!

yntakestheseas Merci Estie<3

ScudderiaFerrari New driver to sign!! Congratulations guys

Pascale_leclerc grateful he found you & can’t wait to welcome them into the world

yntakestheseas Love you Pascale!! Youre going to be the best grandma to little bean

Ferrarifan not what I expected but a slay nevertheless

xxx

#charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc #jjs insta edits #formula 1 imagine #f1 instagram au #formula one

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oceanwithouthermoon · 6 months

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i dont know how to articulate this correctly but... sometimes i think about how saiki is so mentally disconnected and isolated from other people, and his powers make it feel impossible to understand them, esp because he hasnt had any faith in humanity since he was a kid (hes also so autistic but shh he probably doesnt know yet)

and so he truly doesnt understand the nuances and complexity of love+friendship+relationships etc... so imagine how confused he could get during times where his relationships get deeper/more complicated

examples ?? (warning for very brief sa+abuse+suicidal thoughts mention in the second one) -

accidentally making one of his friends mad and hearing their thoughts, which are purely from frustration and anger in the moment, about hating and not wanting to be around him.. makes him think they genuinely dont want to be as friend at all anymore, so ONE argument makes him think hes ruined his friendship with them forever and he doesnt think to just apologize, immediately shutting down and just "going away" instead because he thinks thats actually what they want

not understanding why people feel sympathy for him when he talks about tragic things in/about his life, especially when he even dulls it down as to not reveal his powers, (ie: his brother literally trying to murder, humiliate, and borderline sa him OR having one or multiple bullying incidents in elementary school that caused him to lose all his friends and change schools OR saying that the only reason he decidedly hasnt offed himself yet is cuz itd make his mom sad) and mentioning those things a little too casually, then thinking people are trying to pity him and telling the people who are just trying to help to shut the fuck up ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

^a specific but not quite as angsty one, offhandedly mentioning once that he had a big crush on a guy from another class but he helped set them up with someone else even though it upset him, because he just wanted to see him happy and he never had a chance anyway (bro was def straight too) and his friends being like ...hey thats really sad im sorry you felt like that :(( and him being like ?? whats sad about that. hes happy, and its not like im completely devastated or anything. shut the fuck up.

teruhashi getting over her crush on him and no longer seeking him out as often, and he's immediately upset and confused because now he thinks that she ONLY cared about him when she thought she was going to get something more than friendship from it so he doesnt believe she ever saw him as a true friend..

(similar to the first one, slightly different situation) getting into an argument with one of the friends he sees every single day and still expecting them to at least BE there the next day, and when they arent because theyre avoiding him, his first thought isnt "i should seek them out and apologize" its "wow it was so easy for them to just let go of me, i clearly have formed a dependency and feel like i need them more than they need me. especially now that i know they dont feel the same, i should sever that attachment."

SO YEAH anyway, he genuinely does not believe that he has anyone he can trust enough to actually talk through this stuff with+doesn't even think its that bad so he just sits and tries to feel numb at the bottom of the ocean or on the moon haha what a guy...

#these r all pretty good fic ideas i think.. hm..#saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo #meows post

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shuttershocky · 1 year

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Thinking about Riddell again.

Aside from the fact that the best character in Mahoyo only showed up in its last chapter, Riddell's fascinating because Nasu's always written about how living as a mage sucks, but Riddell's maybe the first time he directly compared it to something and the comparison he chose was being a child celebrity.

Riddell's both. A powerful mage (who's even the Lord of Botany at the Clock Tower by Case Files) and a star musician going on world tours (possibly even a rock star given that Aoko's a fan of hers that tapes her shows) as a mere teenager, you would think her most outstanding trait would be her pride or haughtiness or her overbearing sense of superiority, but while she does have all those traits, the first thing you actually notice about her is that she's incredibly pathetic and sad.

In her very first scene, she breaks into the Kuonji Mansion on a helicopter and cancels her concert, furious that she wasn't invited to Alice's birthday party. Alice explains that (even if they've known each other since childhood) they are rival mages that should kill each other, and they have in fact tried to in the past. Riddell agrees but immediately brushes it off, forcibly adding herself to the guests. Alice later literally crushes her heart with magic. Riddell responds by heaving blood and stumbling back up, saying "It'll take more than a heart attack to kill me!" to keep participating in the party.

It becomes a running theme in the very short time Mahoyo shows her off. Riddell flaunts her wealth, power (both socially and magically) and fame, but is constantly upended by how pitiful she is. She'll talk up her legion of adoring fans but cancel her concert last minute to crash the birthday party of someone actively trying to murder her, because Alice is probably her only real friend. She talks up her daddy buying a helicopter for her with a snap of her fingers, but it turns out she's the one actually making money for the family with her music career. She doesn't even enjoy music, it just makes money to be a celebrity, money that she's got to earn herself.

There's even bonus scenes that you might miss. When Riddell talks to people over the phone, she's highly animated, bossy, and temperamental like a true diva, but if you choose to see an optional scene and spy on her when she's alone she's incredibly depressed and mutters to herself repeatedly about how she's ruined before putting her diva face back on to rejoin the party.

Even when Riddell's trying to lord it over other people, she can't stop slipping in how desperate she is for any human connection. When she says she'll simply take a helicopter home, she offers a ride to anyone, literally somebody, anybody, even the complete strangers in the mansion, because she's soooo rich and generous. Totally.

And it makes sense. A mage family putting all the responsibility and burden of learning the family secrets, transferring the crests, adding to the legacy, and finally securing an heir to keep it all going has a lot in common with a family pushing their celebrity child star into showbiz, keeping the money rolling in while monopolizing their time and keeping them from forming normal relationships with their peers.

It's especially notable that the magical rule Alice uses to try to kill Riddell changes its killing method depending on the person. Someone who just thinks of money can turn into bills, a baker that loves bread can be taken out via a flour explosion, etc.

Riddell's method of death is a heart attack. Some of the cast think it's because an extraordinary person like her most fears an ordinary peasant's death, but it can also be commentary on the stress and overwork her dual lives will lead her to, or reflective of the crushing emptiness she feels with the life she's got.

Anyway it's insane that a scene-stealer like her showed up only in the last chapter, serving no purpose other than to be hilariously cringe and to act as a hook for a Mahoyo sequel that never happened.

#Mahoyo

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agirlwithglam · 6 days

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✨Time for Vanilla’s Opinion 🍰

Edition #1: thoughts on hate & caring about what others think of you.

Regardless of what people think of you, you need to understand that it only matters/ means something if you decide it to. What i mean is that i know lots of people say “you should only care about your opinion. Others opinion of you dont matter” but that’s only true if YOU DECIDE IT TO BE TRUE. I will say this again: this is your life!!!!!

If you choose to accept and believe the nonsense that others will think/ say of you, then you are saying “i dont have the confidence and self love in myself to only accept my opinion, so im going to give you the power over my emotions and how i act :)” do you really want to do that? Because that’s what you’re doing when you start acting based on how you think others are gonna think of you and what their perception is.

Remember: what other people think of you is just THEIR PERCEPTION. Stop making your personality & yourself dependent on what another person thinks of you!!

And also, some people will literally just hate on anything because of how sad their life is. I mentioned this before, and im gonna mention it again: there could be a video of CATS PLAYING on YouTube and you’ll find someone criticising and hating on that. That’s how sad some of these people in life are. So stop trying to or thinking that since you love yourself and you’re “perfect” that everyone should/ would like you because THATS NOT TRUE.

I read this quote once: “you could be the most juiciest, yummiest apple in the world, yet there would still be someone out there who doesn’t like apples.”

“So then.. what do i do if I receive hate? It’s still mean and hurtful.”

WHY does it still hurt??? WHY are you giving that person ANY control over how you feel???? If this person is someone who’s your friend or close to you, when they do it, TELL THEM THAT YOU DONT LIKE IT!!! Without communication and understanding, you will only start to build resentment for the other person, creating a toxic relationship. Comunícate your boundaries clearly by telling them that firmly, NOT in a joking manner, that you don’t like it. Now ofc if they do it once more, remind them again. Most of the time, if this person really cares about you, they will respect your feelings and stop doing that. But if it happens more times, you’ve gotta stop giving your energy to them. Reserve that for something that actually matters.

You may or may not have noticed that i did not write “just cut them out” because i know how difficult that can be, especially if you’re a kid still living with your parents. Because at some times, you’re stuck in the situation you’re in for a while (for example: a workplace, living at home, in 1 class at school) so its not as easy to just “cut them out”. And that’s why i wrote “stop giving your energy to them”. Because THATS what the parasites are feeding on! Your energy and attention! Take that away from them and see what happens.

BUT….;

know that what I’m NOT saying is to be a stone-cold bitch who doesn’t care at all about others or their happiness. (Because honestly, doing that shows me that you’re a lot more insecure) A lot of people now would be like “but it’s not my responsibility to ensure they’re happy. They are their own person in charge of their own actions and feelings!” Sure, ok. But then don’t come whining to me about how you have no friends and how you feel so lonely and sad. ‘You’re your own person and in charge of your own feelings’, remember? So if someone decides to leave a relationship (whether it’s a friendship, or with romance) with you because you don’t make them feel happy, then don’t be surprised about that because ‘they are their own person.’

But look, i completely agree with the fact that you and every individual indeed are in charge of their own feelings and actions, but just stop and think about it for a sec; would YOU want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t give a hoot about your happiness? Yuck, no!!

So to put it in more simple/ plain terms: be KIND to people, bring smiles to peoples faces when you can (give them a compliment, help them out, listen to them, offer advice, etc.) but don’t something that compromises your own wellbeing and happiness. Cus like, how is complimenting someone’s hair or eyes gonna hurt you? If anything it would just make you happier. But also don’t live your life constantly on the edge, afraid of what he’s gonna think of you, what shes gonna say about you, etc. etc.

I guess that’s pretty much it. <3 anyyywayys i hope you enjoyed the 1st edition of the series! If you have requests, comment on this post of send an ask using the ‘tea’ button ☕️

Xoxo, Vanilla

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yuritarot444 · 1 year

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PICK A PILE 🫀

˚ ༘♡ ·˚BOOK WITH ME ₊˚ˑ༄

◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆

I’m doing paid readings, here’s the link to my prices :) it’s super cheap to book with me and you won’t be disappointed, so why not take a chance? You will definitely have insight and clarity once you book with me now! 5 dollars for a reading and 10 dollars depending on how detailed you want the reading. (A more detailed reading is 20 bucks) learn more about the prices by checking out my list linked below!

◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆

Pick a pile, 1, 2, 3, or 4.

How to pick a pile:

Choose a picture that’s to your liking, a picture you feel connected to, then read the number of the picture you chose! :) this is a general romance reading.

☽

PILE l ✯

For those who chose pile one, there is a lot of pain here. You’ve lost someone and you are in mourning. Wether be it from death or separation. Right now its hard for you. There is so much conflict that cause you to hurt. The changes you are facing are sad and hurtful and you are trying too cope. Don’t lose hope though because i see there will be new love entering your life. This person is you’re soulmate. They will be your lover. It will be a perfect union that is will help you heal and grow with this person. Beware though you’ll never get better if you continue to hold onto things or people that you have lost. You need to move on in order to find your happy place with the new person coming in. Be careful not to be too possessive either. Try to be humble, everything will come in time and be put in its place for you. On the other hand i see an opportunity for you with career, you will have financial stability when it comes to this opportunity so take this chance and everything will be going good for you.

PILE ll ✯

For those who chose pile two, there’s a lot of change coming your way. It’s been hard for you in you’re life but you will be coming out of a painful situation. Do not be afraid of change because the change that is coming is going to be what you need to get yourself up again. You’re afraid but you don’t have to be. You are indecisive about a situation and you don’t want too make the decision because your scared but you should choose your decision now. It will lead you down a good path. There will be good news coming in for you. You might get a phone call and be making exciting plans, so go out there and make those choices because it’s leading you down an exciting path.

PILE lll ✯

For those who chose pile three, you’ve been overloaded with stress could be because of work or problems in your life. There is too many responsibilities for you to tackle all at once and its hard for you. You feel restricted and that you are being taken for granted. Things may not be going you’re way. Someone might’ve cheated and broke you’re heart. You could’ve fell in love with you’re one night stand but it might have not gone well and turns out they were a terrible person. In this time you are going to be on your way of success, you might be planning or coming up with new ideas. You will have a breakthrough. You will realize the truth and do what you need to. You will be self employed or doing well in your career and you will be manifesting whatever you want and working hard with focus to achieve your dreams and goals, which will come true.

PILE IV ✯

For those who chose pile four, you’re going through a struggle because of you’re relationship, and your at your last breaking point. It’s become so stressful and you might want to leave the connection. There’s a lot of regret, guilt, and remorse. Be strong everything is happening for a good reason, it might not feel like it now, but there is a purpose for all of this. The relationship will end and you will be free of this connection. You will let go of this connection and move on. For this ending will bring about a new beginning. This will transform you and heal you for better to come. It might be a battle, but once you fight for what it is you want it will happen for you.

☻

Thanks for staying and reading if you enjoyed and you wanna know more dm me for a more detailed reading! It's cheap and affordable and you won't regret it! See you soon.

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veliseraptor · 1 year

Note

So that latest Zelkam art of the core transfer has been sucking my brain out of my head all night. And now I can't stop thinking of how much JC's inherited that he never wanted or knew: Zidian (mother), the core (brother), Jin Ling (sister), Suibian (brother x2). I'd include the Jiang name and clan if I wanted to include his father. And it hurts me. He's left with so many remnants of his loved ones and yet how hollow does he feel? How unloved? Answers surely depend on post/canon timeline but idk. I'm just wrecked. *dies quietly*

I have a lot of Feelings about the ways in which Jiang Cheng really does just keep getting handed inheritances he doesn't want to have. People keep giving him things (in a material and metaphorical sense), but it doesn't seem like the give him things as an uncomplicated gift but as this enormous, weighty thing that comes with an immense price. "Here, take my life," people keep saying to Jiang Cheng, "take this and my death with it." And the hideous irony of the core transfer is that that's true even when Jiang Cheng himself tries to give his own life for the people he loves, only with the result that Wei Wuxian turns right around and gives up his own to "fix" it.

But yeah! His mother bequeaths him Zidian in the process of sending him away while she dies. Wei Wuxian dies and leaves him with a flute and a sword he doesn't want. Jin Ling...it's not that he doesn't want Jin Ling, he always would have wanted to be in his life, but not like this. oh I know I'm going to do the thing I do and quote my own fic

You, me, and a-Cheng, said a-jie’s voice in his ear. We must stay together, and never separate.

He’d never learned how to let go, but he’d been the one left behind anyway.

for someone who is in a lot of ways defined by the way that he holds on to the past, for better or worse (and I don't think it's all bad! his success rebuilding Jiang Sect is I think owed in part to his drive to never let what happened to it before to happen again), he does keep end up being the one left, and left holding mementos and reminders that are just a constant chafing reminder of what he lost.

it really adds something fun and spicy too to the bit during the second siege of the Burial Mounds, both in the novel and in CQL:

Jin Ling had never seen so many fierce corpses before, much less at such a close distance. He could feel his scalp tingle, and clenched Suihua's hilt. Yet, suddenly, his fist was peeled open, and a cold object was stuffed inside. He looked down in surprise. "Jiujiu?"

Jiang Cheng propped himself up with Sandu, which had lost its spiritual energy. His figure wavered slightly. "Try losing Zidian, just see what happens!"

[...] When Jin Ling saw that all of the people his age had rushed over, he couldn't hold himself back either. When Jiang Cheng was distracted, he stuffed Zidian back into his hand and sprinted toward the front... (Chapter 80, trans. Exiled Rebels)

The way it's acted here in particular it feels very much like Jin Ling at least has a sense of how loaded this gesture is, whatever Jiang Cheng says about giving it back. Here he is! Continuing the chain of just passing down things as a legacy that in no way substitute for the person they stand for.

just to set those screenshots alongside this:

there's something I think to Jiang Cheng that's not just incredibly painful in all the obvious ways about the core transfer, but specifically in the way that it's related to a sacrifice he very deliberately made - and now he finds out that not only was that sacrifice ultimately utterly pointless, or worse than pointless, the person he originally made it for made it so. It's this "oh, you can sacrifice yourself for me but I can't do the same for you?" that's so bitter to feel, both because I do think there's some amount of "why do you always, always get to come out of things the hero" but more than that, "why did you do this when I made my decisions specifically to protect you; does my desire to protect you not matter? doesn't it mean anything?"

Jiang Cheng standing with his hands full of memorials going "I don't want these," because what he actually wanted was his family, but the world kept taking them away, and apparently in at least one case his family actively didn't get the memo.

#conversating #apprenticedmagician #been a while since jiang cheng feelings but here we still are!#jiang cheng #the sad queer cultivators show

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