#i should probably clean this up a bit. but im lazy<3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fandom-blackhole · 1 year

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hi :3 your jackson song as a joel fic is still rent free in my head. could you share your idea? or is it still under wraps?

mwah mwah!! 😘

You know what? You asked for this, you made me think of this fic idea again, so you're getting the full fic rn. I hope you enjoy it lmao <3 <3

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader (gender/race neutral) Summary: Three times Reader sings Jackson by Johnny Cash and annoys Joel, and the one time Joel actually joins in. this is a 3+1 bc i couldn't decide which scene I had imagined for this to write so I went with all of the above (I heavily suggest listening to the song at least once, it's a great tune and will get stuck in your head lol) Warnings: contains spoilers for the show and game (bc as usual I am mixing the two together, mentions of violence and guns, really just reader being annoying to Joel, me shitting on KC (im from KS so im allowed), UNEDITED (bc i am being a bit lazy sorry) WC: 4.5k (how do all of my fics get away from me like this smh)

It had been a long few hours. Emotions were a little high and tension was a bit thick. Neither you nor Joel had been expecting what you found when you finally got to Bill and Frank’s small town. You’d expected a smile and hug from Frank and grumpy complaining from Bill over bringing an outsider, let alone a kid to his town. You’d expected to see Frank take to Ellie and want to show her around, clean her up and feed her like he loved to do. You’d expected to find two of the few you allowed yourself to call friends. Instead you found quiet emptiness, dead flowers, and a note that had your heart breaking for the second time in so many days. Tess' death still heavy on your heart, now had the company of losing Bill and Frank.

So when the first notes softly floated from the speakers of the truck Bill left Joel, you had to do a double take, a grin quickly lighting up your face as you jumped forward in your seat and turned up the radio. The words you knew by heart, the song one of your mother’s favorites, so at the exact time Joel turned to you in question, you grinned widely at him and sang along, “We got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout.”

With a huff Joel whispered to himself an exasperated, “Christ,” but you carried on.

“We’ve been talkin’ ‘bout Jackson, ever since the fire went out.”

You could hear Ellie behind you laughing to herself as Joel shook his head. You didn’t let up, though, you kept singing and pulling laughs from Ellie, making sure to put emphasis on the way you sang every time Jackson was mentioned. You made sure to put on a show as the song switched back and forth between the duet, deepening your voice and acting all suave while Johnny Cash sang and all smooth and flirty during June Carter’s parts.

By the time the song was over, you were a bit breathless from your antics and Ellie was doubled over in the back seat of the truck laughing at you and clapping for you. Joel, though, simply reached over and turned the radio back down til the next song was just barely heard over Ellie's wheezing and the sound of the truck’s engine.

Turning to Joel with a giant grin, you see him simply shaking his head. So you tilted your head at him, as he glanced at you out of the corner of his eye.

“Well? What did you think of my once in a lifetime performance,” you asked with a teasing grin.

Joel simply huffed, “It was, uh, somethin’.”

With faux pride you close your eyes with a nod and confidently say, “Thank you, I worked very hard on that you know. Gonna be singing on the big stage one day.”

That drew a chuckle out of Joel as he grinned and said, “I look forward to seein’ it.”

Kansas City looked a bit worse for wear than you had expected. Though you probably should have really expected this, the rumors that floated around about the city were not favorable. Of all of the cities and FEDRA run quarantine zones it was well known that Kansas City was one of the worst and you better off trying to survive on your own rather try and find refuge within the city. Honestly though it's not too surprising the quarantine zone ended up the way it did, the city was situated in the ass crack of Missouri and Kansas afterall.

You were however caught off guard when you found that the Kansas City FEDRA had finally toppled and the city had been taken over by a group of hunters who were more than happy to use what the soldiers had left behind after their deaths. The hunter were still crafty with their environment, you had to give them that.

The crash had left all three of you disoriented. You had not expected the bus that they had let loose on the truck and you highly doubted Joel had expected it either. When the truck crashed into the convenience store you were thrown forward, smashing you head into the dash so hard spots formed in your eyes and you could feel a piece of glass dig into the skin right above your left eye.

After that things kind of passed in a blur for you. You knew there was a fight and you knew that you had shot at a few guys, though you kind of doubted that you actually managed to hit either with how disoriented you were. Once it was safe for the moment, Joel raced to check on you and Ellie, shoving your bags into your arms. Ellie as it turned out was no worse for wear because she’d been ducked down in the backseat out of sight of the hunters, and your only injuries were from the crash, a small gash on your forehead and a mild concussion from Joel’s estimate.

The three of you didn’t really have time to waste on first aid at that moment, so you’d simply pressed a bandana you had to you head and motioned to a large building a little ways away, whispering, “That’s probably our safest bet right now, we’ll get me fixed up once we know we are all safe.”

Joel had only hesitated for a second before agreeing. He led you and Ellie carefully to the building, safely making sure the three of you stayed out of sight. Once inside, you found that the building was an old hotel, and a nice one at that.

You quietly whistled and said, “This place is nice, could only dream of coming to a place like this before the outbreak.”

Joel just grunted as he looked around for useful things, finding a safe as he replayed, “Isn’t exactly nice anymore.”

You leaned against the counter beside where he was crouched trying to crack the safe and watched as Ellie looked around the lobby with an interest only a child could have. Sighing you shrugged and glanced over your shoulder as you heard the door creak open and replied, “I don’t know. If the outbreak did anything it did bring a certain beauty to the world. There’s something poetically beautiful in the sight of nature reclaiming what once belonged to it.”

Walking around the counter, Joel stood in front of you with a brow raised and shook his head, “Maybe that concussion is worse than I thought if you’re gettin’ all philosophical on me.”

With a huffed laugh you rolled your eyes and just nodded to the stairs, “Come on.”

Your progression upward went smoothly until the fourth floor where per your group’s usual luck you found the stairs blocked with all kinds of debris. You never thought you would miss stairs, but as you picked your way through the floor scouting for a way up you wished that just once the three of you would pick a building that had a simple straightforward way to the top.

You were pulled from your melancholic thoughts by Ellie’s raised voice, “Found a way up!”

You were a little thankful to be pulled away from your thoughts, the action slowly making the ever present headache since the crash throb. Quickly as possible you made your way across the hallway to the room Ellie had been looking through and smiled when you found a concert room with a stage and a beautiful grand piano. You made your way to the stage, noticing the way up Ellie found was on the corner of the stage where the above balcony’s railing had fallen. Gently you ran your fingers over the piano, a little sad to see such a magnificent creation in such disrepair. Looking up to Ellie who stood on the other side you made your way around and hip bumped her.

“You know how to play?”

Ellie laughed and turned to you with a look that screamed she was judging you as she replied, “You really think they’d teach us to play piano in FEDRA school? Let alone find one that actually works,” she shook her head and slowly made her way to the edge of the stage, jumping down. “What about you? You play?”

You hummed and ran your fingers over the keys, cringing at the awful out of tune melody that played. You were stopped from answering though as your fingers fell upon an old rusted microphone. Picking it up you smiled and looked up right as Joel walked into the room. Instantly you laughed, and your grin spread as your eyes met Joel's stoic hazel.

Gently you twirled to the center of the stage, a little dizzy from the sudden movements, but didn’t let it deter you. Looking up at your crowd you heard Joel ask Ellie, “What on Earth are they doing?”

You saw Ellie answer with a shrug and that's when you started to sing the opening notes of the song you had been annoying Joel with for weeks. Ellie laughed and Joel tried protesting but you just carried on. You let yourself get carried away singing the lyrics and making a fool of yourself on stage with your poor excuse of dancing.

It didn’t take Joel long to make his way to the stage, to stop you or figure out how to reach the balcony on the second floor you weren’t sure, but if you had to put money on it you’d guess both. The second he was within reach you grabbed his hand and pulled him towards you as you sang, “Go play your hand, you big talkin’ man. Make a big fool of yourself.”

Rolling his eyes Joel pulled away and you let him go only a second later as you spun yourself again the dizziness became too much and you found yourself stumbling with a gasp. Thankfully Joel had been close enough and had caught you before you fell and hit your head again on the stage.

He led you over to the piano bench and sat you down, taking the microphone from you as he said, “Sit and rest, before you hurt yourself more. Not exactly smart jumping and twirling around with a fresh concussion, nor making a bunch of noise when we are supposed to be keeping a low profile so we aren’t found by those hunters.”

With a sigh you just pouted, over not being able to finish your song but you listened to him and sat there and watched as Joel and Ellie pushed the grand piano over to the wall and watched as Ellie used it to jump up to the next floor. Joel followed but turned to you after getting onto the piano, motioning like he was going to help you up, which he did and then helped boost you to the next floor even if you didn’t need it, getting the feeling he was coddling you now.

Once he was up next to you again, you turned to him with a faux pout, “You said you looked forward to seeing me perform on a stage.”

With a huff, Joel gave you a look that said he was already tired of this situation and only replied, “Do it again when you aren’t a danger to yourself or the rest of us.”

Joel was infallible. At least you had always thought he was. He was the best survivor you knew, there was no question as to why he had gotten this far into the apocalypse, he just knew how to take care of himself and protect those around him. You had seen him get scrapes and bruises from fights and a couple of grazes from near misses from bullets. Never could you imagine that the man you held on such a high pedestal could fall as heavily as he had. You never thought you’d have to watch the man you’d found yourself caring for whole heartedly almost bleed out before your eyes.

But here you are, watching him shiver from the cold and no doubt from the pain wracking his body. Watching him sleep in fits and gazing into glazed eyes when he was barely awake. It was hard to watch, but you tried to be strong for Ellie’s sake. You sometimes would catch her staring at Joel’s fitful body, worry echoing on her face before she threw up a wall on her emotions. You didn’t want to admit it, but of the two she was more helpful. She’d been more successful with finding food and hunting than you have been. Ellie is also the one that had managed to find and bring back the full stocked and sterile first aid kit that you’d used to suture and clean Joel’s wound with, even if the supplies hadn’t done too much for his weakening state. You had found that your main use was only keeping the three of you on track to Salt Lake City and acting as a nurse to Joel, getting him to drink water or broth without drowning him, something Ellie found she didn’t really have the patience or the bedside manner to do.

Still you hid your worries, and shared optimistic thoughts with Ellie during the day even if you didn’t truly believe them yourself.You like to believe you’re helping Ellie by doing this, but in truth you think she’s doing the same for you, just putting on a brave face to make you feel better.

Each night the two of you would take turns taking watch, Ellie always going first, insisting you get rest and not truly trusting you to wake her for the second watch- which was fair because the one time she had agreed to let you take first watch you hadn’t had the heart to wake the exhausted girl to which she’d given you the silent treatment for the next day.

It was only during your watches, once you knew for sure Ellie was asleep, her breaths evening out and her body relaxing, that you allowed your mask to slip, to let your worries out. Each night that passed you swore Joel got paler, that he looked closer to death’s door. You hate watching him wither away like this, hate seeing the strongest person you know, your rock in this world, fall and not be able to help him even though your heart screams at you. You have found yourself sobbing helplessly into your hand in attempts to stay quiet a few times, the hurt and worry building up inside you until it exploded. You hated that you felt weak, but truely what could you do when your strength lay slowly dying on a nasty old twin sized mattress?

Tonight though the tears don’t come. Instead you find yourself feeling empty in your grief as you sit beside Joel’s head gently combing your fingers through his hair in a soothing motion. You weren’t sure if it was meant to sooth Joel or yourself, but either way the action seemed to be grounding you and it could be your imagination but it seemed that Joel’s face seemed somewhat more relaxed so you didn’t stop.

You aren’t sure when, but you caught yourself humming at some point and you couldn’t help but smile and jokingly think to yourself, ‘if anything is going to get a reaction out of him, it’ll be hearing me annoy him with this song again.’

You let yourself hum it a few times, making sure to stay quiet, not wanting to wake Ellie who’d become somewhat of a light sleeper, but eventually you had to laugh and whisper, “Yeah, go to Jackson, and go comb your hair,” as you ran your fingers through Joel’s hair.

You let yourself sing a few more lines, not really paying attention to anything but where your fingers continued their path through his hair, so you were surprised when you felt your free hand, which you had just had laying on Joel’s chest, be enclosed in a rougher calloused hand. Pausing your singing you looked down in surprise and found Joel’s lips turned upward just slightly, and his hand enveloping your own in a loose hold.

With a watery smile, knowing that just moving his hand had to have had taken a lot of energy from him, so you clutched it tighter in your hold as you turned back to running your fingers through his hair as you whispered to him, “Yeah, you go to Jackson, you big talkin’ man. And I’ll be waitin’ in Jackson,” before trailing back off into a hum.

It was over, all of it was finally over. The fireflies were gone, something you would never have to worry about again. Joel was strong again, Ellie was safe, and all three of you were all back in Jackson settling down and making a home for yourselves with Tommy and Maria and all of the townsfolk. And you couldn’t be happier. Everything in life just felt right for the first time since the outbreak. It was odd in a way, but it was so freeing that you didn’t care. You never could have let yourself dream about a life like this, of having a family like this that you could allow yourself to care for. You didn’t think something like this would ever be allowed to live, to thrive in a world so torn apart by a deadly infection and the worst of humanity. But you found it, and you let yourself bask in it. You let yourself be happy.

When the three of you all arrived back in Jackson it had taken a while for each of you to all settle in and relax. It was so foreign after spending months fighting and protecting each other's backs from every danger imaginable. Ellie had taken about a month to situate herself in the town, finding it a bit easier with teens her age being so interested in being her friend and getting to know her as the new kid in town. She settled into the garage and made it her own. Watching her have her own space was a little hard after having her in your sights 24/7 for so long, but you knew she needed it, that she deserved it after everything she went through. You and Joel stayed in the house together, both unwilling to be to far from the teen after everything that went down in Salt Lake City at the hospital and finding the bond between the two of you keeping you together. You each had your own rooms though Joel’s only got used every once in a while, many nights bringing him to your room when your nightmares wake him up. His own nightmares occasionally brought him to you as well, as he found comfort in not being alone, in waking up to find you laying there with soft breaths next to him.

Joel took about a little over a month to settle into the community but once Tommy got him in on the patrol board, he immediately found his place. Letting Joel have some control over where and how the patrols went allowed him to feel a sense of peace. It played into his strong suit of needing to know that the people he cared about were safe and taken care of. Seeing Joel let himself relax and fill the role really warmed your heart, happy to know Joel was finally at peace after so many years of functioning just in fight-or-flight mode.

You, though, took the longest to find your place in Jackson. You didn’t slack, you jumped from job to job filling any empty position in any area that they would let you, but the truth was you didn’t have a strength or a useful skill that could be applied somewhere within the town. You could hunt, but you were not the best at it. You were decent at growing things but the greenhouse didn’t really need anymore volunteers. And while you did love children you neither had the patience or the knowledge to be teaching. So as time passed and Joel and Ellie found their rhythms in the town you found yourself feeling like you were floundering a bit, drowning in a pool of water where your feet should be touching the ground. It wasn’t until you were doing a patrol with Joel a few months after settling back in Jackson that he brought up that the doctor in town was looking to train a new nurse. He had brought it up nonchalantly, but you could tell by the way he glanced out of the corner of his eye that he had a reason behind bringing it up. Later you managed to weasel it out of him, to which he simply replied, “I may not have been all there, but I remember how well you played nurse for me. I think you’d be good at it.”

He had been right of course, you had taken to the position like a duck to water and within no time you found yourself finding your own path in Jackson, letting yourself finally fall into content happiness that Joel and Ellie had also found. In no time at all the three of you all found yourself falling into a routine, each of you revolving around the other two and finding ways to still stay close and not get too busy to not be able to know what the others were up to. Your favorite day in the routine was every three days you’d all have a family meal, Tommy and Maria joining the three of you every other meal.

It was on one of those nights that Joel had come home late from his patrol. You had already started making dinner and had simply shooed him upstairs to take a shower while you finished cooking, knowing that it was only a matter of time before Ellie burst in the back door groaning about being starving.

You weren’t sure how long Joel took to get cleaned up, you had zoned out into your thoughts shortly after hearing the shower turn on, but after what you knew only had to have been a handful of minutes you heard him coming back downstairs, and when he came into the kitchen you simply motioned to the table, asking if he’d set it for you as you had dinner already almost finished.

You however didn’t expect to hear Joel turn on your little portable CD player on the counter and skip through the songs as he said, “Found you something’ while on patrol today.”

You hummed in question, curiosity over taking you as you glanced over your shoulder at him before turning back to stirring what you were cooking. Only a few seconds later you paused as the all to familiar notes floated around the kitchen and a soft smile found its way onto your face. Gently you started swaying as you cooked, but almost as soon as you had started you found a pair of arms wrapped around your middle as Joel pulled you away from the stove, as his deep accented voice sang, “We got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout. We’ve been talkin’ ‘bout Jackson ever since the fire went out. I’m goin’ to Jackson, I’m gonna mess around. Yeah I’m goin’ to Jackson, look out Jackson town.”

Laughing joyfully you join in right as June Carter does and turn to face Joel sticking your spoon in his face as you back up towards the stove to turn it down as you sang, “Well, go on down to Jackson. Go ahead and wreck your health. Go play your hand, you big talkin’ man, Make a big fool of yourself. Yeah, go to Jackson, go comb your hair.”

With a grin Joel grabs the spoon from your hand, laying it on the spoon rest, before grabbing your hand as he picked up his part of the duet once more, “Honey, I’m gonna snowball Jackson, see if I care. When I breese into that city, people gonna stoop and bow. All them women gonna make me teach ‘em what they don’t know how. I’m going to Jackson. You turn ‘n’ loosen my coat, ‘cause I’m goin’ to Jackson.”

Swaying in Joel’s arms as he sang was perfect and you wished more than anything that you could pause time right there and just enjoy this for all eternity. As his part finished once more, Joel twirled you, which you used to sway away from him as you came in singing, “”Goodbye,” that’s all she wrote. But they’ll laugh at you in Jackson and I’ll be dancin’ on a Pony Keg. They’ll lead you ‘round town like the scalded hound, with your tail hooked between your legs. Yeah, go to Jackson, you big talkin’ man. And I’ll be waitin’ in Jackson behind my Jaypan fan.”

You managed to stay out of Joel’s reach until the end laughing as the two of you joined together twirling and dancing around as you sang together.

“Well, now, we got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout. We’ve been talkin’ ‘bout Jackson ever since the fire went out. I’m goin’ to Jackson and that’s a fact. Yeah, we’re going to Jackson, ain’t never comin’ back.”

Joel’s grin was bigger than you’ve ever seen, your happiness radiating off eachother as he swung you out and brought you back in as the two of you finished the song together, eyes never leaving the other’s, “Well, we go married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout. Honey, we’ve been talkin’ ‘bout Jackson ever since the fire went out.”

At the very end Joel surprised you by dipping you low, which pulled a loud gasping laugh from you before he pressed a small kiss to your lips before pulling you back up. You couldn’t wipe the grin off of your face once you were back on your feet, not even when two sets of claps came from the doorway along with a quick retching noise. Whipping your head around you felt yourself heat up in embarrassment to see Tommy and Maria standing there grinning at the two of you while Ellie wrinkled her nose and called the two of you gross.

“Hope the two of you didn’t burn our dinner while you were too busy being all lovey dovey,” Ellie griped while plopping down into her seat at the table.

“As a matter of fact I turned the stove off at the beginning of the song, so don’t worry, your food will be just fine,” you replied carrying the pot to the table as Joel passed around plates and silverware, taking it from you once you reached the table with a soft loving smile which you returned, making Ellie groan about losing her appetite even though she was smiling. All the while Tommy and Maria simply enjoyed the entertainment, though Maria did lean over and whisper, “Why can’t you be romantic, like that?”

To which Tommy grinned and simply replied while filling her glass with water, “You want me to try?”

With a sigh, Maria met his gaze and said, “No, I’m not sure I can hand whatever you think would be romantic.”

#joel miller x reader #joel x reader #ellie is here too <3 #I should also add that Mr Cash was a huge part of my childhood and I LOVE this song so this would 100% be me #especially once I found out that the town Tommy lives in is called Jackson #i hope you like this #also thank you for this #bc it was the perfect excuse to procrastinate HW

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aamethyst000 · 6 days

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Dude, im so bored but lazy (may 14,24 3:58pm)

holy hell, i could not get to sleep last night. i was tossing and turning, too cold then too warm. could not get comfy for the life of me. there was an itchy spot in my throat that would not go away, even after drinking half a cup of water. i was so irritated the majority of the night. i think i actually fell asleep at like 6am this morning, finally woke up at ten to two this afternoon. like what the hell, was it because i missed a a whole week of my anti depressants? probably. mostlikey. anyway. it was so irritating that i was debating whether or not i should even get up, just sleep some more. my body made the decision for me, i couldnt go back to sleep even if i tried. so, i got up, took the dogs out and made a pot of coffee. im not going to lie, even through all of that, i currently feel neutral about having a hard time sleeping last night. usually, id be in a bad mood throughout the day but nope, just neutral. no irritation or happiness. that normal? not that id know. me and the family tend to have shit sleep schedule. especially me and the cousins. it makes meeting up with them difficult for the both of us lol as irritating as it is, i think i should stop getting mad at that. they work and have a family now, so yeah priorities are all jumbled which is okay. mine arent set in stone either lmao i dont know how my older cousins did it, learning how to be a functional adult, taking care of your body more, eating healthier and whatnot. im bloody 25, going to be turning 26 in june and i still feel like im 16-17. is that normal as well? does it depend on the individual? i keep saying i should talk to my thereapist but i never call them. or even message them. summer's coming up so i think thattl be the best time for me to start up my thereapy sessions again. i dont even want to do my laundry, how lazy im feeling, like i know i have to get them done at some point before they pile up again but i just dont want to lol like those goddamn dishes i keep avoiding like the plaque. thats the only thing i dont like about adulthood. endless dishes, laundry and house cleaning every other week and every month. oh and the bloody over priced bills that we now have to pay. welp, onto my second cup of coffee and sit around in my room for a bit till i decide to write in my journal again. whenever that will be. typing on my keyboard seems to be stimulating for me, i almost dont want ot stop.could be old habit from being in highschool, writing a long ass page for my essay and presentaions (god i hated those with a fckn PASSION). being able to type now feels nice, i dont have to go on my phone to write my journal entries in now, i love it so much <3 anyway, back to laying about and being lazy :3

3:01am - it looks like that i wont get much sleep tonight again tonight. so im going to have a few puffins and watch some sherlock funny moments, or i just might play orcarina of time, the 3D version of it. to be honest, im on the lookout for almost every verion of sherlock holmes, in books, tv shows, and movies. i think im becoming obsessed lol not that i mind it. im living vicariously through either sherlock or john. i think mostly john lmao i dont think i can be that brilliant at solving crimes and puzzles. heck i can barely solve a fckn math problem without having a breakdown mid way through the paper, thank god i graduated. i will not have to go through that again, unless i get back into coding. which i do not think so, considering that it involves aboslute complicated M A T H. i despise math, if you couldnt tell lmao any who, i think i am done here, i just wanted to come back and finish the last little bit of my journal entry, i may add on to this tomorrow. i havent decided on that just yet. like i keep sayin, i really like typing on my keyboard lol i might get over this later on in my life, just not now. cause my god, it is very stimulating to type~ have a good night/day, my fellow readers~

may 16,24 12:36pm - so i decided to add more to this journal entry, i dont know how much right now but maybe ill decide later on or once i am done writing. today was weird. i woke up late again, at one thirty this time and my mood was okay, manageable. until i went to go eat at like 6pm (first meal) and also cook my mother lunch. at first, i only felt over heated. then i started getting a small pinch like cramp on the right side of my hip, then, i felt more over heated. i was sweating, i felt like i couldnt breathe, my appetite dropped but i forced myself to eat anyway (for obvious reasons), i came back to my room to open my window, take off my shirt and see if that helps me cool off. mind you, that took forever, like, to the point of the voices in my head getting louder and mean. i tried so hard to ignore it that i even whisperd shut up. obviously that didnt help, considering that i started crying afterwards. i think i remember seeing clear images in my head too, pictures of horrible things, for sure, but that was the first time in a long time that has ever happened. not since my very last anxiety attack. that was nearly 3 yeaars ago now, even i thought i was getting better, this feels like i took a couple steps backwards. which did not help with my breakdown. im not going to go into too much detail about what i went through today. just know that this one breakdown took a lot out of me. i almost wanted to ioslate myself the rest of the evening. i didnt, that would have raised way more human interactions than i personally wanted, so i tried to act like i was "normal" i never knew what that really, genuinly looked like so i dont know if i did well in that department. anyway, i marked this event down in my personal journal for my therapist to read over. hopefully that can help me figure out what method could work for me in the future. i get the feeling ill end up sleeping in tomorrow too. because of today, that is all i want to do. is just sleep. its the middle of the week though, got dishes to wash, dinner to prep and an appointment to make later on. i wihs i can take off from here for a week. maybe even 3 months would be fine. go to a cabin in the woods, smoke, read, watch movies, not have to worry about other peoples dishes other than my own, not have to worry about what conversations i have to prepare myself for, how muc enerygy i have to use up even though i do not have enough throughout the day. i just want a break from being an adult. anyway i think that is enough for the night so im going to sign off and rest as much i can. cause that felt like a lot. good night/day, readers

#lgbt #2spirit #journalist #lgbtq #they/them #journalist amethyst000 #journal #journal entry

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blueempty · 3 months

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I'm cheating today cuz i didnt go outside but my partner did and she sat on a rock and took this

She likes to go for big long drives on her three day weekends and she always gets to go see cool stuff. I'll probably go with her sometime soon. I'm missing out on years of my life because full time employment is beating my head in with a brick

Be that as it may I wasnt fully lazy today. I played more Splats but I also dusted the inside of my PC and cleaned up my whole desk area. It doesnt look too different but it feels a little less cluttered. I dont really know what to say again cuz like the past 3 days Ive gotten to sit down and post I've been like incapacitated by sleepiness

I guess the other thing I did was last night before bed I read the first chapter of Delicious in Meshi's Dungeon. The story all about Meshi and his Dungeon. I've been meaning to read it for a bit but SOMEONE I know just read the whole thing and I was like damn I should do that too. I'm still working my way through Mao but that shit is weird. I like all the characters but like nothing ever happens lol. It's been kinda in a lull for a while where like things are occuring but its just like the book is saying "and then this happened" and I go "okay" and then something else happens. Its very strange. But I gotta read Dungeon Meshi so I can get current on that Kagura🅱️achi. Thats where the real FOOD is. Im only half joking Kagurabachi kinda whips sack so far

But the other other thing besides reading was I did my first like, lesson quiz on my japanese app and got a one hundo. Its just the greetings thing but for some reason for the past few months I just have not been able to retain shit from the actual lesson part. Like I learned hajimemashita, and I'm like okay got it, and then they go douzo yoroshiku and i'm like you lost me I cant process information anymore. I have no idea why. Its like my aversion to school is so strong I cant do any form of lesson at all anymore. Even after passing the quiz I dont know if I remember that one lesson I've been on for months. I need normal pills

But todays kanji is 子 (こ ko). Its one that I'm familiar with from chinese cuz its used in their word for girl. I know that kanji is in japanese too but I dont know what its called. Perhaps information will be revealed to me over time

Peace and Long Life

#skyposting #thoughtposting #kanji of da day

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sleepyivoryrose · 4 months

Text

Well...things come, things go, people come, people go...that's life in a nutshell. I am so emotionally confused right now, and I don't know that comes from the overdose on sugar I had or if I'm just feeling under the weather, but...

Short story long, one of the Vtubers I like stops streaming. Just as I thought yesterday, I have reached peak incel if I'm crying over Vtubers and listening to "eroge girlpop" playlists. Or rather I should say, rock bottom.

But I'm working on myself. These days im spending a few hours with translating again. And I am doing the bare minimum of house work. It helps that my sleep schedule isn't fucked up for once.

Things take time. I can't be a new person from one day to another. I have to be patient with myself.

I can do this, definetly.

Good news are, that tomorrow releases Persona 3: Reload. I was really excited for it, but it's almost...too clean. Too sterile. Maybe I'm just getting old, but from the things I saw, I don't like it as much. I will watch the Let's Play on Youtube anyways. I'm still mixed on the matter, maybe I will like it? Minato (I refuse to call him Makoto) looks very pretty though. It's difficult to go wrong with his timeless style. I'm not a fan of refusing something without even trying, so I will definetly give it a go (unless it's drugs. Don't do drugs, kids)

I guess I'll just vibe a little bit to music.

youtube

These last months I've been really enjoying mashups ( don't mind the thumbnail. I know, it's...quite something.) The rnb x city hop or classical x rnb are really good. It does a lot for a song to just change up the beat or the lyrics to be able to listen to it again on loop. Turns the vibe completely around.

Actually, I don't have a lot to talk about. This month I have a lot of doctor appointments...every one or two months they just pile on. I suppose it's still better than having every month come something up.

But I am glad that I picked up translating again. It makes me feel useful. I hope it flows well enough that it doesn't become a hassle for my friend. I really want to recommend her my favorite book series, but it's all in spanish, so...I am interpreting it into german. I'm quite rusty, after what, well 10 years? But I remember the basics as I go along, and it brings back great memories.

The inflation is killing me, on another note. The food prices are through the roof. If you want to eat fish AND meat, you better pay up. Sometimes I think it would be a bit cheaper, if I enjoyed more vegetables...well, it's never too late to start, I think. But I'm too lazy to google recipes. And I don't enjoy cooking very much...but...I have to get thinner if I want to be able to stand 2 hours in an anime music concert this year...well, if I took this seriously, I probably wouldn't have bought a shitton of chocolate and sweets. Sometimes I think I might have a slight sugar addiction. That's not good for a person, who has a way higher probabilty than others to get diabetes.

Man does only learn from their mistakes, when they're already commited...

...the card is the means by what it all is revealed...in search for knowledge, mankind clings to a dim hope...

#Youtube

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yorumiraki · 3 years

Text

“that’s just how it is”

jjk teachers x retired! reader

prologue

warning: jujutsu kaisen manga spoilers

[editing]

13 years ago

‘god, and to think he couldn’t get anymore worse’

y/n l/n. 19 years old. employed as a starting teacher at Tokyo Prefectural Jujutsu High School, going on 2 years... and is currently watching one of her fellow students, gojo satoru, having... she doesn’t even know what to call it, an awakening? or maybe he’s just that much crazier after he was thought to be killed with a blow to the head. she was a bit surprised to see him standing behind her when she had went to confront toji fushiguro, his alleged killer, as well as the man who killed amanai, the star plasma vessel. he was clearly having what she could call one of his angsty episodes, spouting about how he’s the strongest and throwing in a little comment about how stupid it is protecting the weak here and there throughout his little rampage. gojo happily pranced around waving his arms around with a wide smile and wild look in his azure eyes“throughout the heavens and earth, i alone am the honored one.”

‘a-ah yes, there he goes again.... a bit of a god complex at the moment. i suppose i should stay out of the way. after all...

gojo continued to laugh and spout nonsense, drowning out her thoughts, making her frown in concern,

‘i would probably be the first to die here.’

she winced watching as blows were received and given from both him and the infamous sorcerer killer. in the midst of all this, she had somehow managed to doze off. ‘the star plasma vessel was killed... now what, wait another hundred or so years for another to be born? tengens spell will be even weaker then and-‘ she looked back up after another blast rang out and there was toji fushiguro standing in the smoke, a gaping hole on the side of his body. y/n watched the pain and regret flash through his eyes. he had clearly overestimated himself. him, against the six eyes? he had no chance.

she walked over slowly, her arms raised cautiously. only catching a quiet “...in 2 or 3 years my kid will get sold to the zenin clan. do whatever you want.” he craned his head towards her as he heard her footsteps, before his head slumped over. she put her arms down slowly as she moved closer, nodding over to gojo who stood there staring aimlessly at the man in front of him. his body was still standing. placing a finger on his neck, she felt no pulse. even in death, he didn’t wanna bow down to anyone.

her attention went from the cold feeling on tojis neck to the shuffling of gojo’s feet walking in the opposite direction. “wait, gojo-kun we need to....” he continued to walk away, and she sighed in defeat before making a phone call. ‘he never wants to listen to me anyway.... but what was that earlier?’ speaking to the caller on the other end, she orders for the confirmation of a clean up crew for damages and the body, hanging up after the request was approved. she looked at the body once more, before turning away to catch up with her student.

gojo rubbed his forehead after receiving a flick of your finger. you stood in front of your students, geto suguru, ieri shoko , and gojo satoru, nagging to gojo about not listening to you once more. it had been a year since the incident, and everything was continuing its slow pace back to normalcy.

“and that’s for walking away when i’m talking to you. i get that i’m not that much older than you kid, but at least learn to have some manners or at least like, i don’t know, some kind of restraint or respect when being talked to, especially by me. and no i don’t care that you are stronger than me because at the end of the day i’m your sensei, but please don’t-“

“yeah yeah don’t be like you we get it already, you lazy hag.”

“not WE. IM SPEAKING TO YOU GOJO... and just YOU.”

geto and shoko watched the reoccurring scene in front of them as they sat on cement stairs, stifling laughter from coming out as they watched y/n flick him again, an ‘ack’ slipping out of gojos mouth before he looked away with a pout.

“ now you three, get back to it... i’ll be laying over... i don’t know, i’ll be laying around somewhere but i’ll be watching you.” she said indecisively before glancing over to see shoko and suguru smile and nod, gojo still pouting before looking back towards you. his glasses slipped down the bridge of his nose, giving you a clear view of his eyes. you point to your own (e/c) eyes with your fingers, squinting before turning them and thrusting in the direction of a gojos, making it clear that you were watching them closely. in return, she earned an eye roll. the three blinked and once their eyes were open again, she was already gone.

y/n watched from the top of a tall building on the school grounds, her binoculars in her right hand as she laid her head in the palm of her left, laying flush against the roofing tiles. she had done as she said she would and laid, as she said before, “somewhere”, watching her students lazily through her binoculars. she smiled as she watched an eraser and pen being thrown at gojo, before freezing and being bounced away. ‘working on his technique i see, good.... soon he will be the strongest, no, he already is...’ she yawned before placing the binoculars down next to her. for a while now, more precisely a year, she has been watching gojo, her wariness and worry for him growing after the failed mission. amanai had clearly grown on the boys at the time, and it was a bit of a process to deal with them after she had gotten killed. she had remembered gojos words when they had returned, with amanai laying dead in his arms.

“should we kill these guys? if we do it.... i probably won’t feel a single-“

“stop gojo. there’s no meaning in doing that.”

“meaning... is that really necessary?”

y/n looked at him, not knowing what to say next before walking off in the direction they were going, suguru cutting in.

“it’s very important, especially for shamans...”

she noted that he had been very uneasy then and although he hasn’t fully recovered from it now, he was doing much better than before. but her new problem now, was geto suguru. he had been acting a bit strange as of lately, looking almost as if he was thinking over the same thing everyday in his head, being a little too absorbed in his thoughts. an attribute that was very unlike him. she sighed out loud before turning from her side and laying on her back and closing her eyes.

‘hope no one bothers-‘

“hime-sama.”

y/n opened her eyes, letting out a loud groan before snapping her head in front of her. there stood kana, her house attendant, staring down at her with dull eyes, hand over the other lightly in the front of her skirt.

“your family wishes to have you back now”

“....can’t you see i’m busy now. i’m working, now go...and stop calling me that already.”

“... i’m afraid i can’t don’t that hime-sama. well then, i will wait until the end of your shift, then i will bring you back-“

(y/n) stared at her blankly, not listening to anything she was saying before sitting up while shuffling away from her, bringing her binoculars up to her eyes to continue watching her students

‘....those two....goddamn hags.’

“....and what did we say about having sluggish posture (y/n). you’re not gonna be able to find a suitor if you’re gonna act... like some man or something, have some elegance for once. don’t think we are just gonna watch you do whatever you want while....”

(y/n) was currently sat down with her parents, them going on a rant again about her “unwomanly” way of doing things. anything.

she sighed in relief once her mother finished, her father giving her an unreadable look.

this is the (l/n) clan. full of hot headed men who only cared about themselves and power, while the women only cared about submitting to them and having children in order to keep the line going. stiff, strict and bland. that’s how it was. if you weren’t strong, you were useless. if you couldn’t bear children, you were disposed of. the second option being something she didn’t plan on doing in the future. she became a jujutsu sorcerer and a teacher soon after she graduated. she had expected her parents to be furious but surprisingly, they were quite satisfied,

“at least you’ll be useful to the clan.”

she clenched her teeth at the memory as she walked through the halls of the large manor, the moon shining down through the shoji windows. she had planned to go to sleep right after that nice little “meeting” with her parents. she couldn’t stand it, how goddamn stupid the clan was, thinking that they were advancing and getting better throughout time but in truth, they were holding themselves back, committing to the old ways, rules rules rules and more rules. the ground had rumbled quietly but (y/n) ignored it, brows furrowing in annoyance before turning the corner, approaching the door to her room. she notices kana standing beside her door, almost as if she was on guard. she scoffed before ignoring her and putting her hand on the door, beginning to slide it open when she suddenly heard strange noises echoing through the hallway. she stopped and listened, her eyes looking up to kana in question. she only blinked back with wide eyes, giving clear signs of bewilderment.

she grabbed kana’s wrist before making her way back towards her parents room where the sounds came from. they both moved together slowly as soon as they were outside of the door. (y/n)‘s eyes widened, hearing the distressed noises of her mother and naturally on instinct, opened the door immediately… only to be met with the sight of her mother’s shaking erratically on the bed, her father laying face down on the ground.

“(l/n) sama!”

kana had immediately sprinted towards your mother only to be stopped and smashed through the wall to the hallway by an invisible hand. (y/n) stood still, looking back at kana in shock before putting her hands at the ready as she looked around in the room, making her way around the bed before shaking her mother’s arm. no response, but she’s still shaking. “stay calm shit, what the fu-”

“there you are”

she turned around in surprise, only to be grabbed by the neck by a hand with long black nails, threatening to pierce into her neck.

“ahh it’s definitely you. you look JUST like them.”

she choked a grunt while staring at them, panic slowly taking over. it was a curse clearly, but it seemed to be intelligent, a mass of energy emitting from their cloak. ‘a special grade….’ they had a cape on, the sleeves long and loose, a hood covering their face. she couldn’t identify them. she grit her teeth at the hold on her throat. ‘s-strong’

“now as revenge to that pathetic old man on the ground there, you’re going —————. and i will ————, with nobody knowing hehehe. i ————- will be taking over now.”

(y/n) looks at the hooded figure with a confused look, unable to hear what they had been saying.“what- what did you say… get off me, who are you?!?! why are you here, let go!”

she breathed heavily as she wringles in his hold, punching and kicking at them, but they were quick to act, placing two fingers upon her forehead. her movement paused, and eyes widened as she felt energy surging through her, so much she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer. she fought to resist the feeling of sleep, using her curse energy to attempt to overpower them but to no avail, as her captor pressed his fingers into her forehead even harder. unable to resist the strong feeling, her consciousness slowly slipped away and anything after that, a blank space.

“so you don’t remember anything…”

“...no.”

“nothing... nothing at all? come on.”

it had been like this for the last two weeks. staff of the school questioning her over and over again, only to get “no”s and “i don’t remember”s from her. she had been informed that the clan was dead. she really couldn’t remember anything. she could tell there was something different about her body, she just didn’t know what. and what happened before she was found passed out on the ground? was it actually her that did that? sure she hated her family and wanted to cut ties with them as soon as she could, but did she actually kill them? she hated this, not knowing things, especially about herself. is there something she doesn’t know? she shook her head, looking back up at the principal. kana was still alive, only managing to get away with a broken shoulder and was standing behind (y/n), a stoic look on her face.

“i already told you, i don’t remember anything…”

he looked at her before rubbing his head, contemplating what to do. kana had looked over at (y/n) to see her staring at her shaking hands. she reached over to tend to her before stopping herself and shook her head before straightening back up. ‘hime-sama...’

“(l/n), i need you to listen to me carefully. you have to....”

she looked up at him with her tired eyes, taking in everything he was saying. what had happened to her body. what was inside her. he was giving her a deal. with a certain condition. after listening to the suggestion in its entirety, her head slowly turned back up, a solemn look on her face. she reluctantly made a choice.

“...alright, fine then.”

prologue ... part i

i feel like this is bad i don’t know. a bit vague at the end i know, but i’m not gonna give everything away in the prologue hehe. i didn’t lie about the 2 chapters but i figured i should make a prologue so that’s what i did tonight. i also forgot to say i did end up changing some things.

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jjk series #jjk imagine #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru x reader #nanami kento x reader #utahime x reader #ieri shoko x reader #mei mei x reader #anime

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gayfrenchtoast · 3 years

Text

Okay fine we're doing this. I havent read the books and I'm probably not going to I've only seen the movies so I'm sorry if anything I say is contradictory or has already been stated.

So! Descendants 3 was kinda shit and I dont like it but especially because of the ending because everybody was like "oh yeah island is open and we're all happy with no worries or implications about free villains or people being spiteful about being imprisoned for years!" In fact if anything they joked about those things.

The island is basically its own culture, I can't say how long it's been around, long enough for some almost adult kids to be about and to develop a kind of community.

The Isle is a place of poverty, people are dirty and on the street, eveyone steals from each other and most people don't put much effort into appearance upkeep (personal or of the sourounding area) not because of laziness or being "evil" but because they clearly don't have time or luxury to do such things or possibly even the clean water. Does the Isle have clean water?? How to they get electricity??? Someone tell me!

Another thing that I've noticed is easy to see but is not much explicitly said is the unique style of those on the Isle. As previously stated they don't have much but those who have the most "power" and such on the Isle are the best example of this As they have the most colourful outfits. However these outfits are often made out of patches and ripped things put together, even salvaged things like nets and chains as we can see on thing like Uma and Harry's outfits in D3 they make the best of what they've got and they do fantastic because their outfits are intricate and detailed and just tell you everything you need to know about them. Which is why it's a damn s h a m e when the original VK's ajust their style to be more like Auradon's. That's not an improvement! Be proud of where you came from!! It's like they forgot what it was like being on the Isle in D3!

Moving on, here's something that was touched on in D2 but not enough. Equality. On the Isle there is basically equal opportunity as in saying everything is shit and nome cares what gender and presumably what sexuality you are as long as you can work. Sexism is shown to be almost casual in aurodon from the looks of it, Chad makes sexist comments and litterally none else says anything or seems to see anything wrong with it except Jay who caves to pressure from peers and expectations. He does redeem himself because he's from the isle and he knows you shouldn't give a shit about anyone's gender or anything. If they can do something and ask to be included you give them that opportunity. The sexism is also implied in the way that the rule book has men written specifically in the first place and that it has taken until then for anyone but boys to be allowed on any kind of sports team. We never see it! It seems to be the hetronormative veiw where the boys do sport and girls do cheerleeding and other genders? What other genders? Never heard of that? BAD AURADON!! I bet there's so many trans folk on the island just living their lives, thinking Aurodon is the better place and not knowing that it's a cis het filled nightmare.

Okay no I'm headcannoning now, if their are now a bunch of Isle kids at auradon prep they find it fucking aweful the way all these preppy royals are treating them and make the first LGBT club in Auradon. There is lots of pushback and they get bullied a fuck ton for making themselves the most prominent queer folk in the school until a fight breaks out and the club demand that they should be treated better, taking all the evidence to fairy godmother who is very hesitant because COME ON she's never been that great she is biased to Auradon kids and if putting away those in the Isle is brought up she is all on it, she is jelly spined about doing anything against the royal kids. So the kids are like "Fine, if you won't help us we'll take this to the King himself!" Well mainly the queer mom's of the group (you know the ones I'm talking about) who lead the others and protect the anxious queers as they storm to Ben at his fucking locker and demand an audience because they are being harassed and bullied and none is doing anything. Ben had no idea there was even a LGBT club (too busy ig) and is gassed there is one for a moment before he's like "wait people are harassing you?" So Bisexual King Ben gets his lovely Bi wife and they start coming to club meetings and investing in the pins and stuff the club makes. Most club members are pleased but the queer mom's are apprehensive that this will help until some assholes come to the club to do their usual bullying only to find King and Queen Beast themselves siting there with rainbow bracelets and bi pins and all trying to have a nice old time eating their fucking cupcakes what the fuck are yall doing? The bullying dies down quick once they realise it ain't gonna fly, the other OG VK's that hear about this become members and very protective over their queer children. Did I mention Dizzy and Ceila are a part of the club? They're girlfriend's. Celia is one of the queer moms. Harry becomes one of the biggest protectors over the group as the pan dad. He's been going around snogging everyone and anyone wholl snog him everyone already knew he was queer they just didn't have the balls to try and bully him over it as much as they bullied the lil club members. But now Harry can often be seen in jackets and shit with pan and general queer patches and pins and running around with his gay children yelling "MOVE WE'RE GAY!!" He totally calls them his queer crew. Anyway as a result lots of queer royals start coming out of the woodwork, obvs Lonnie is one of them, and the club eventually serves to bring members of Auradon and the Isle close together.

Where was I? Yada yada auradon expects girls to be pretty princesses and boys to be brave knights or dashing princes. It's shit and should stop being portrayed as good. Moving on!

Food! One of the things we'll established in all movies is that the food of the Isle is shit compared to food of Auradon. The Isle has no fresh fruit which likely means its almost impossible for things to grow there which is fair because again there doesn't seem to be much fresh water and there are always clouds overhead so no sun. Maybe there is some people trying really hard to grow stuff but the general attitude of the Isle seems to be "there is no time for that" and fruits are forgotten so much that the VK's litterally don't knownwhat they are when they come across them. That and anything containing sugar. Actually it's mention by Dizzy and Celia that they enjoy the fact that the cake dosent have dirt or flies so basically food there is terrible. We don't see much food on the Isle but what we do see seems to be beans, eggs, chips and shellfish. Basically protine and carbs that can be easily stored and produced. To be fair beans are kidna good for you but they're likely a sign that if they get any imports from the mainland it is canned stuff. Prison food. There's probably some chef villain that is trying their best to make good food out of the shit but honestly the Isle dwellers should be angry that they've been deprived of good food for so long not happy they're finally been given decency.

Moving on, music! Auradon dosent have nearly as many musical numbers it seems, the Isle songs have a distinct style, to them, the villains that basically "founded" the place were masters of the dramatic songs (with backup or solo) so banging music is basically ingrained in the music's culture, even for battle as we see with the fight between Mal and Uma in D3. Meanwhile Auradon seems to have mainly romance and "I want" songs. Even Audrey's villain song is basically an I want song.

Okay let's talk about the Villains. We've established that the VK's are not inherently bad. However not all of them can be totally good and there are legit OG Villains just kinda chillin on the Isle. They've obviously lost quite a bit of their power, motivation and sanity (isolation will do that to ya as they lost everything and the VKs know no different) but deadass? They were bad guys. You can try to rehabilitate them sure but you've basically just let them free roam, they could make a runner and you wouldn't get the chance. They were also shitty patents which is brushed over/joked about in the interaction between Carlos and...man I feel bad I forgot her name deadass their relationship seemed to come out of nowhere in the second film she didn't seem interested in them at all and friendzoned them multiple times I'm pretty sure Disney did that becaue queer kids were relating to Carlos and headcanoning them as queer (which they deffinatly are) but deadass their mom is an attempted animal murderer and has hurt her child as we can see from how they're afraid of her and her rhetoric and yet it's "haha I'm afraid to meet your ma!" "Me too cus im a dog! Lol!" Fuuuuck offfffff

I think I'm running out of thoughts so here's a last one for now; with the magical barrier down a bunch of magical Villains kids should be coming out for the woodwork. We know Mal has magic basically stored in her so it's is possible, she technically doesn't need the spellbook to do magic it is just inherent to her. So with the diverse range of people from the isle there are deffinatly magic folk in there. Actually if we're following Disney movie law I saw something mentioning Jay being half Genie and yeah! He should be half Genie! Jafar got turned into a Genie he's probably only human because of the barrier! Oh also Ben should be able to go beast on command as long as he had a better beast form than he did in the movies. And give him back the beard and fangs like fuck you he looked so much better

Okay I'm done for now

#decendants #decendants 3 #mal #carlos de vil #jay #harry hook #uma

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justsomefluff · 3 years

Note

Hi I have ADHD and sometimes I forget to take my meds which makes me quite hyper, can you do a reaction with ateez where you forgot to take your medicine and is really hyper?

Guess who’s back-back-back again-gain-gain...After a long time because im lazy lmaoooo. Here it is, thank you for being patient my dearest. and please do take your meds its important <3 Keep yourself happy and healthy always anon

ALSO, i do not have ADHD so this is just based off of what I have been told about it or how friends who DO have it have explained things to me. If i offend or misrepresent ANYTHING please let me know. I tried to write this pretty neutrally without a lot of detail on the actual disorder.

Hongjoong:

Kind of oblivious at first

Like “oh they’re a lil fidgety today”

But as the day goes on he’s like

“something is amiss”

You’re moving all over the place, being a lil chatterbox

And he’s gettin a lil suspicious

“Heyyyyyyy,” pretty much clotheslines you as you speed through different rooms because you won’t (read: cant) STOP

“Did yooooouuuuu… take your meds?”

Smiley face. Wink. “No.”

Immediate understands

But begs you to take your medication because you sometimes get embarrassed of your hyperactivity later

Like you feel like you were annoying him or something

and he assures you that you weren’t bothering him, but anxiety be like that so, ya know

Just doesn’t want you to overtire yourself or feel bad late

Seonghwa:

Overprotective

Always asks you if you took your meds in the morning

Likes a routine and wants to make sure youre always happy and healthy

But if he oversleeps and gets thrown off

And therefore does not remind you to take your medicine…

Freaks out a lil

Mini heart attack

Mostly feels bad because he feels responsible

How could he forget to take care of you this way?

Then you have to expend all your extra energy assuring him that even you forget sometimes

But then he starts setting reminders in both of your phones

Will even text you when he’s away for work uwu

Best of intentions…low-key a nag… but Mama Hwa

Yunho:

Will lowkey bask in your hyperactivity

Like AYYYYYYYY

Like he knows its important for you to take your medication but…

Every once in a while he finds it kind of fun

Will take you to dance practice with him even if its his day off

Thinks it will be the only time you will commit to learning an entire choreo with him lmaooooo

Also kind of lets himself go a little bit

Like lets spend the day being crackheads and just expend all of our energy

And then cuddle at the end of the night when, inevitably, we are too exhausted to move

Loves that he gets to see that side of you and gets to share in good memories like those

But still reminds you to take your medicine the day after

Yeosang:

(he’s so cute im over here sobbing)

Honestly, I see him being the slightest bit overwhelmed by it

Like have you seen him when Wooyoung gets hyper

he’s like Whoa, child

Wants to calm you down ever so slightly

Like “be gentle with me, I am but a child”

But will still laugh at your antics

Of course, he loves every part of you

Everything can just kind of be too much for him sometimes lmao

Will take you places and do activities with you until you are both worn out

Will make you take care of him the rest of the night and tease you

Like “look what I have to put up with. You made me walk so much today”

But its gentle and sweet at the same time

San:

Thinks its funny but is actually concerned on the inside

Kind of worried that you might hurt yourself while youre speeding around

Tries to convince you not to wait until tomorrow to take the next dose

Follows you around just waiting to catch you if you slip

Damn near wraps you in bubble wrap when you stub your toe

Like, San… “I can still function, sir”

“But you stubbed your toe”

“Everyone does that sometimes”

Starts to calm down when he realizes that you really are gonna be okay, you’re just going to experience the day a little bit quicker than normal

Twice the speed of the average human

Speedy, he calls you

Squirrel comparisons on the way

Mingi:

Why do I feel like he wouldn’t even notice lmao

He’d just be like “wow, they have a lot of energy today”

Goes about the day normally

At the end of the day, you tell him about everything that you were able to get done

Whether its work, school, cleaning, errands, binging a TV series, or ALL of the above

And he’s like… “how”

And you’re like, well let me tell you about the lil thing I forgot to do this morning

Clueless lmao… “What did you forget?”

“Mah meds.”

“Ohhhhh…”

Then he tries to understand how you managed to do all of those things without your meds

And you’re like… I probably half-assed them but

At least they’re done!

Wooyoung:

Just makes fun of you the whole time

Like lets be real

He’s hyper on his own

And loves seeing you that way because he can relate to it

Also, you do some stuff that might not be the smartest because you’ve got so much energy to expend

“DONT SLIDE DOWN THE HALL IN SOCKS”

Laughs when you fall

Joins you though because, while mildly dangerous…

Looks fun

Never lets you get self-conscious about anything because he is really good at matching your energy the whole day

Is awesome at just letting you work through the day at the pace you feel is right

Somehow manages to keep up with you the entire time, no matter how hard it can be sometimes

Jongho:

Another one who is a little bit overwhelmed

Kind of shy and introverted and quiet in general

So if you get super-duper talkative and loud he might be kind of thrown off his game

Like how do I handle this

How do I be the best boyfriend during this

Overthin-King

Just internally debating whether he should tell you to take your meds, join in on your activities, or just let you ride out the hyperactivity on your own

Spends the entire day thinking about it’

Ends up letting you just do your thing on your own… not that he decided that was the best option

He was just too busy thinking about it to actually make a decision lmao

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trailshome · 3 years

Note

another potentially angsty one because i love being in emotional agony: how about #9, how do they feel about growing older and eventually dying? personally im more scared about actually getting old than dying (although I am a little scared of dying painfully im more worried about what happens after) but theres something really scary about getting old to me. idk wjsjk anyway fun fact of the day: i have playlists for my ocs!! all of them are over 3 hours long and I also have a playlist for the place some of them originate from!! it's a bit messy and i need to clean them out bc sometimes i just add things in there w/o a second thought lol!! i think my longest oc playlist rn is like. 7 hours long but that's bc he's kinda like my “main” oc in a way??

-spice [extra fun fact!! i have bad eyesight which means i have to wear glasses. my mom says my eyesight is like hers and her eyesight is terrible like she can only see blurs and blobs but i can see w/o glasses?? it's just not as good by far. i’ve also dyed my hair 3 times (pink-purple, purple, and red) and i love short hair. i kinda wanna dye my hair red again but the first time hurt so bad for some reason it was terrible but the color looked really nice on me!!]

// ngl scared of what awaits after death -- top fear aside from large, barking dogs and water, haha!! I should spend some time making character playlists/general playlists for Trails but I'm... far too lazy lol!!

Finlay: Totally chill, their faith is unshakable and they believe they will end up in the Crossroads before journeying with many others to the next life.

Lesilfae: Dying?? Him?? HAH!! He's probably cut a deal with a necromancer or smth to resurrect him after death (which is highly illegal in the Realm) aka he's terrified.

Galeon: Also totally chill about it. Doesn't know what will happen after but he's accepted that it's a part of life. More worried about being separated from his loved ones than death itself.

Hollond: Not afraid of death, but afraid of who (or what) awaits them. Perhaps that means eternal paradise, or, perhaps, they're afraid of meeting their (literal) maker.

Greta: Not afraid of death, more worried about how bored she'll be instead. Eternal sleep? boring. Eternal happiness?? also kinda boring. She want's adventure! Excitement!! How can she do that when she's gone??

#asks #answered #chara: hollond ovara #chara: galeon hughes #chara: lesilfae #chara: greta #chara: finlay uldana #tw: death #tw: mentions of death #tw: religion (kinda)???#I don't think any of them are scared of life ending but more so what happens after #except for Lesilfae #he's worried about his legacy ending. nerd.#spice anon #uwu smooches!!

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m-y-fandoms · 4 years

Text

Kokichi x reader - patching him up after he falls through the floorboard

Request: I felt bad for a Kokichi when no one bothered to check up on him when he fell through the floor so how about a scenario where someone catches up to him after the trial and bullies him into letting them bandage him up. This small act of kindness causes him to fall for them.

Hey! I love this idea, but when he showed up at the trial, all the blood that was on his head and face was cleaned up, and he wasn’t light-headed or anything during the trial, some I’m gonna change up the request a bit to have the reader find him directly after he falls through the floorboard. Also, thanks for suggesting best boy, I will always have time to write for him - Mod Kokichi

SPOILERS FOR EVERYTHING UP TO CHAPTER 3 ENDING. Gender of reader never specified.

NOTE: MONOKUMA WAS OUT OF COMMISSION FOR THIS INVESTIGATION, BUT IM TAKING CREATIVE LICENSE TO ADD HIM BACK IN. WORK WITH ME LMAO.

“Hmmm, I see. Thanks, Kiyo!” You finished up your light but lengthy interrogation of the anthropologist, who elegantly bowed his head and disappeared into his lab. You exited, rounding the corner to investigate further. You headed toward the three empty rooms, wanting to re-examine Tenko’s body after Korekiyo’s statements, even if the thought of your friend’s corpse made you uneasy. It had to be done.

You rounded the corner, a sharp yelp releasing from your throat.

Shuichi, Maki and Kokichi turned to face you, startled by your sudden scream. Kokichi’s forehead was soaked, dripping pink rivulets of blood, and he was leaning on the wall for support.

“What’s going on?! What happened?! D-did someone attack you, Kokichi?” You ran over, joining the group and looking to Shuichi for answers.

“He’s fine.” Maki stated flatly.

“Obviously not, his head is gushing!” You were a bit irritated with Maki’s indifference, but a bit biased with your opinion on Kokichi. You knew many people disliked him, Maki least of all, but you didn’t see a reason to hate him. In fact…you’d been nursing quite the little crush on him. You found him witty, cute, intelligent.

“Yeah, he felt well enough to pull a childish prank on us, so I’d say he’s fine as well,” Shuichi’s eyes narrowed as he spoke, arms crossing as he looked at Kokichi with contempt. Kokichi simply grinned back.

“What prank?” You inquired.

“He pretended he was dead, lying there face-down and bloody only to pop up when we got worried!” Shuichi scoffed, his nasally, nerdy voice getting rather worked up.

“Kokichi…” you warned, seeing Shuichi’s point now. Kokichi merely smirked back at you as well.

“Anyway, we gotta go finish up this investigation before Monokuma cuts us off, so if you’ll excuse me, y/n.” Shuichi nodded, leaving with Maki to investigate Angie’s research lab. That left Kokichi and you in the hallway alone, his eyes drooping now that Shuichi was out of sight. A moment of weakness.

“Kokichi, are you alright? That’s a lot of blood. And you hit your head, yes? What if you have a concussion or something?”

“Why are you standing around? I haven’t seen you investigating at all, you lazy, lazy scoundrel,” he changed the subject. “Gonna leave all the work to everyone else?” He forced a venomous grin that quickly turned into a clenched-teeth grimace, his head pounding. It didn’t escape your notice.

“For your information, Ouma, I have been investigating, it’s just obvious to me who the guilty party is, so I’ve been slowing down. I’m ready for the trial.”

“Hmm so you’re useless and cocky? Great, just what we needed for this case!” He started walking off toward the stairs, still heavily depending on the wall. His words were harsh, but as usual, held an untruth within them. He knew you were smart, and that you probably had figured it out, but he wasn’t going to admit that to you, of course.

“K-Kokichi! Let me help you!” You grabbed his arm before he could stumble down the stairs. He looked to you incredulously, but didn’t pull away, looking at the little drops of pink that stained his white jacket sleeve.

“I don’t need your help, stupid-head! What, you’re the Ultimate Nurse or something? Ultimate babysitter? Go bother someone else!” He was trying your patience now, but you weren’t going to turn your back on someone obviously in pain. You saw pain in his eyes, both from his mysterious past and the current injury. Kokichi was more than meets the eye, and you could easily perceive that. It didn’t hurt that he was attractive.

“No, the Ultimate Psychologist, remember?” You stopped him when he tried to pull away and continue down the stairs alone.

“Ohhhh, pfft! Yeah,” he rolled his eyes, “I had forgotten since you never actually do anything during trials.”

“Monokuma!!!” You yelled out, ignoring his insult. Kokichi jumped at your sudden volume, and the monochrome bear appeared seemingly out of thin air.

“What do you twerps want?” He smiled, hands on his hips.

“How much time do we have left in the current investigation?”

“And why should I tell you...? I think that seems a bit unfair! Then I’d have to tell eeeeeveryone!” He leaned forward at your threateningly. You gestured toward Kokichi.

“Kokichi is obviously in no shape for a trial. He needs to get cleaned up and assessed, at least. I’m asking you to allow me the time to do so, no more, no less?” You challenged him.

“No way! You’re cra-“

“Kokichi is easily the smartest one here, and he keeps the trial fun and interesting, wouldn’t you agree?” You hated using the word fun to describe the killing game. You thought it was horrific and morbid, but a little lie to help a friend in the end wasn’t against your morals. “If he’s down for the count or out of it during the trial, it’s going to be painfully boring, right? No one to harass Miu, and everyone else gets along pretty well. It’s going to be a hand-holding ceremony of cooperation. Do you want that?” You glared at the small robot, Kokichi’s mouth a bit agape behind you. Not only were you defending him, which no one here did, but you were standing up to Monokuma.

“Hmmm...well, I suppose, if it will improve the trial...I must reluctantly agree!” Monokuma’s paw rose to his chin pensively. “You’ve got an hour! Not a minute over, got it?!”

“Deal. Can I have a first aid kit?”

“No!”

“RISE AND SHINE URSINE!” The three remaining Monokubs appeared in front of you, with Monodam holding a large white case in his metal paws.

“HERE. I. WILL. ALWAYS, CONTRIBUTE. TO. THE. CAUSE. OF. GETTING. ALONG,” Monodam spoke in his staccato mechanical voice, handing the plastic container’s handle to you.

“You’re lucky my wittle cubs are so cute and helpful and wesponsible!” He swooned at the smaller bears. “Now get outta here, times ticking!”

“SO LONG, BEAR WELL!”

You turned to Kokichi with a smile, and to your surprise, he smiled back.

You sat in your room in the dorms, with Kokichi leaning his head back gently onto the side of the tub in your small, personal bathroom. You sat on the edge, massaging the dry blood out of his hair as he pouted, arms crossed against his chest and thin legs splayed out in front of him.

“OW!” You touched a sensitive spot, the opening of his wound a little too roughly, and he shook his feet up and down, stomping on the ground like a little kid. “It’s clear you’re trained to take care of people’s minds, not their bodies, you asshole!” He yelled up at you. You chuckled lightly, easing up on his skull and rubbing out a particularly crunchy bit of coagulated blood.

“What ever do you mean by that, my dear Ouma?” You teased, and he stiffened up, before quickly realizing his emotions were plain on his face, and pouting again.

“I mean, it’s clear you know how to unravel someone psychologically and trick them, like how you ‘know the culprit already’and persuaded Monokuma, but you really have no talent for physical care, huh?” You assumed he was referring to your rather rough treatment of his body...well, what he determined as rough.

“I think you’re being a little unfair, Kokichi. I think I’m doing a pretty great job. Do you feel any better after the water?” You’d made him down a few water bottles upon entering your room and examined the wound before rinsing his dark locks out.

“Hmpf! Whatever. I guess I am grateful to you,” he sighed, “but my appreciation will only continue if you prove you’re truly not as dumb as I once thought!” He looked off dreamily.

“And how do I do that?” You wrung out the longer pieces of his hair, playing along.

“Who is the culprit then...if you’re so smar-?” You wrapped his head in a towel and it covered his face and mouth, muffling his words, “HEY!” You giggled and quickly rustled the towel around gently, careful to avoid directly scraping his wound. When you were done you lifted the towel, peeking under to look at his face. He scowled at you, a light dusting of pink on his cheeks.

“Aww, don’t look so angry. It only makes you cuter!” He turned away from you abruptly, embarrassed, then stood until he was hovering over your seated position, playing it off.

“Whatever! I’m outta here. Some of us actually want to live through this trial.” You grabbed his hand as he began to exit your bathroom.

“It’s Korekiyo. It’s obvious, to me at least…he killed them both.” His eyes widened. How did you…? Of course, he had already come to this conclusion. Seeing something like confusion in his eyes, you continued. “It became apparent as I analyzed him. I talked to him for quite a while.”

“Did you... shrink him?” He scoffed, a bit impressed.

“I’m afraid so,” you wore a crooked grin, standing to meet him.

“Aww, poor guy. And he didn’t even make an appointment!!! Though, I guess it’s really your loss after all. You shrinks are expensive! I hope he has insurance!” He laughed loudly, pitying the graceful anthropologist who would shortly meet his doom.

“You knew already, then?” You inquired.

“Of course!! Evil recognizes evil after all, and he is evil.” He waltzed toward your bedroom door, not a hint of a thank-you or appreciative word coming from his lips. You didn’t stop him, knowing the trial would soon commence anyway. But then, your thoughts prodded at you, and your lips opened.

“K-Kokichi?” He paused, hands on his hips as he turned to face you.

“Whaaaat? We haven’t got all day!”

“I need to place a bandage and some antibiotic over your wound...it’s pretty deep.” Why were you so worried about him, he wondered. “A-and...I wouldn’t mind spending more time with you…” your cheeks felt hot and you looked toward the ground. He rolled his eyes, walking over and plopping down, criss-cross-applesauce in front of you. “Kokichi?”

“I can’t blame you for wanting my attention,” he spoke lazily, “I am the most entertaining person in this dump!”

“You really are charming, you know?” You spat sarcastically.

“Well???? Get to it!” He handed you the first aid kit beside your bed, and you accepted it with a relieved, gentle smile. You began to part his hair, looking for the wound, and he was grateful that you couldn’t see the expression on his face from that angle.

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jeonjeonggukenergy · 4 years

Text

Anti-Hero

summary ~ in search of wine at a party that’s so not your scene, you run into jungkook, the weeb from your film class, and become determined to learn just how much he lives up to his big reputation.

pairing ~ jungkook x reader

genre ~ fluff, smut - college!au

wordcount ~ 8.5k

warnings ~ 18+ only! smut, explicit discussion of kinks/sexual preferences (yay healthy communication), dom/sub undertones during both discussion and sex (dom Jungkook, sub reader), mentions of daddy kink and degradation but both are a no, marking, biting, hair pulling, spanking, they both have a srs pain kink lmao, brief oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, creampie

a/n ~ SO excited to finally have this chapter out for yall! it’s a huge one and i’ve been working on it for quite a while, this includes the first full smut scene for this fic and i would love to know how yall like it or any other feedback. i really enjoyed writing the character development in this chapter too! they’re so cute and whipped for each other already hhhhhh. thank you so much for loving this story so far, i’m really looking forward to writing the rest. hope you enjoy! ❣️

previous: chapter 1 | chapter 2 ~ next: chapter 4 (coming soon!)

~ read on ao3 ~

CHAPTER 3 ~ particular, perfect

You concluded your walk home by ditching your shoes at the door, swinging your bag off your shoulders to the floor, and plopping down onto the couch immediately. Pulling all three nearby blankets over yourself, you realized you still weren't quite comfortable. You looked around for a second, puzzled, until an absentminded clutch of your boobs reminded you why. Triumphantly, you reached into a sleeve to untangle your bra and chucked it across the room with a deep stretch of relief. Okay, time to overthink again.

Jungkook? What the fuck?

Wait. A bag of chips on the kitchen counter caught your eye before you could descend any further into panic. The perfect emotional crutch. You clutched it to your chest like a safeguard against your own internal monologue, anxiously shoving handful after handful into your mouth. After about thirty minutes spent motionless on the couch with one hand shoved in the chip bag and the other distractedly scrolling through Twitter, your eyes suddenly widened and your hand froze, dropping your next bite of chips back into the bag. Fuck. You had just eaten nearly an entire family-size bag of chips before what could end up being your first fuck in over a year. Well, maybe this was part of why you hadn't gotten fucked in over a year. No, don't go there. You shoved down your own insecurity, knowing you'd just been too busy for a relationship and honestly, probably still were. But that wasn't going to stop you today.

You shook the chip dust off of your hands and got up to head to the shower, turning up your trashiest throwback playlist of getting-ready bops and resolving to at least shave your legs. Going in with no expectations was probably the best strategy here, but it never hurt to be prepared.

Having cleaned his apartment in record time, Jungkook was now at the gym. After triple-checking that his roommate Jin would be in rehearsal until 10pm at the earliest, he quickly scanned all the common spaces and his bedroom and realized he didn't actually have that much work to do besides politely closing the door to Jin's still-decent-but-somewhat-messier room. To be honest, Jungkook had mainly bought himself the time after class so he could shave just in case. But then he figured if he had to shower, he might as well hit the gym first. So here he was, burning off an unprecedented amount of nervous energy. Settling comfortably into the leg curl machine, he turned his music up and started on a low weight to put in reps until his thighs burned and his head felt pleasantly empty.

After completing his normal leg day rotation and dutifully stretching, Jungkook prepared to head home. He walked out of the gym feeling more energized and centered, barely even flinching when he switched his AirPods off to say bye to the nice girl at the front desk and the action accidentally blasted "Whistle" by Flo Rida from his phone speaker for the whole lobby to hear. As he walked back into his apartment, the kitchen clock let him know it was only 4:30. He had plenty of time. Jungkook hopped straight into the shower, shampooing his hair, shaving everywhere he normally did, and savoring several extra moments to relax his muscles under the hot stream of water. Finally, he toweled off to wrap up in the black t-shirt and cozy matching sweatpants he'd carefully stacked on the counter. Offhandedly singing to himself in the steamy mirror, he checked the time on his phone, deciding he might as well go ahead and text you before he got nervous again and did something stupid. Like chickening out completely.

hey its jk! im ready when u are :) my apt is 344 glencoe rd #1521 (yes its on the 15th floor sry D: )

His charming old-school smileys lit up your phone while you still had a leg perched on the bathtub's edge.

"Fuck!" you reacted. The hiss resounded, thanks to the too-good acoustics of your cramped bathroom. Your razor clattering to the floor, you paused your max-volume 2000s music to check the message, and then the time. Only 5! That wasn't dinnertime yet. Plugging his address into Google Maps, though, you realized it was a 15- to 20-minute drive from yours on the opposite end of campus. Even if you got ready at light-speed, you would get there closer to 5:30. Which was a bit more reasonable. He was being reasonable! You should be ready by now!

You leaned over to pick up your razor and cursed again as the water stream grazed the blouse you'd left on out of laziness. You'd showered this morning, so there was no need to repeat that with your shave, but now you'd have to change outfits completely. Feeling like an idiot, naked from the waist down but now all the way wet, you peeled the shirt over your head slowly to preserve your good hair day and glanced down at the dilemma you'd been facing. The patch of hair between your legs stared back at you like the final boss of stupid societal beauty standards. You'd only shaved down there once, as an anniversary present for your first boyfriend the summer before college, and it had been a fun, smooth novelty for about two hours and then itchy, red, gross-looking, and miserable for about three weeks. Also, it had kind of made you feel like a little girl, which creeped you out when you thought about why guys would prefer it. You'd been debating whether to try it again for the past fifteen minutes, because if there was ever a right time, this was probably it. But now you didn't have time, if you were going to be respectful and not keep Jungkook waiting. Well, this was the real you. He could take it or leave it.

Slathering a quick coat of lotion over your freshly shaved legs, you prepared to get dressed in a soft pastel sweatshirt and a flattering pair of workout shorts. Wait, should you wear lingerie? Was that too try-hard? You didn't really even need to wear underwear with these lined shorts, which could be a cool-girl move, you supposed. You settled on a cute white sports bra to go with the shorts, not wanting to deal with a real bra and hoping it still appealed to Jungkook's casual, athletic style. You checked yourself in the mirror briefly before grabbing your bag, confirming you looked chill enough but still felt like your best color-coordinated self. Heading out, you shoved a tin of chrysanthemum green tea in your water bottle pocket. Why not?

You whizzed over to Jungkook's apartment, yelling along to "Sex With Me" by Rihanna from your throwback playlist to hype you up in the car. When you knocked on his door after a nerve-wrackingly long elevator ride, Jungkook welcomed you with a "C'mon in!" amidst a mouthful of shrimp chips.

"It's not really dinnertime yet," (yeah, no kidding, you thought) "I went ahead and worked out but it's still kind of early, so I figured we could just have a snack and do the homework first."

"Sounds good," you affirmed. "I'm not really that hungry," (read: there's no way I can eat chips AGAIN right now, I'm going to bloat so badly) "but I brought tea so I can go ahead and make that if you want some too!"

"Oh cool, thanks!" Jungkook accepted. "Are you sure you're not hungry though?"

You almost gave into his sweet pout, but managed to convince him, and soon you both sat at the table with laptops open and twin cups of tea. You had a blast working together for the first time, acting out your "conversation" for the discussion board and pretending to respond spontaneously to each other's points like you hadn't already excitedly rambled back and forth through them in real life. You hit "send" five minutes apart, your idea to not seem too suspicious, and kept raving over Rear Window in between. As the sun lowered outside his living room window, you moved on to making the ramen.

After three offers to help Jungkook, all of which he denied, you simply made another steep of the tea, leaving a mug on the counter for him. Standing at the bar counter sipping yours, you enjoyed all the tiny, cute noises he made while chopping green onions and sprinkling extra garlic in the seasoning, like an anime character who came with his own sound effects. You could tell he made these recipe additions every time, because bulk quantities of the same simple ingredients lined the counters of his cozy kitchen. When he beat two eggs and dropped them into the pot, though, he couldn't seem to find a lid, and eventually settled on trapping the steam with a plate. You both waited on the egg for a silent moment, your foot bouncing under the bar while Jungkook restlessly acquired a slight wiggle. As he took a sip of his tea, a strand of hair fell over his eyes, and he yeeted it out of his face. Your inner language nerd cringed, but there really was no more apt word to describe the action.

You offhandedly said you liked his hair long, and he replied with a smile, "Maybe I'll have to keep it then."

"Do you like it too?" you wondered.

"Honestly no, it's kind of inconvenient."

"Oh, then why would you keep it?" you immediately asked back.

"Well..." he dragged out. "You like it? Maybe I should keep it if it looks better this way."

Your eyes crinkled appreciatively at his thoughtfulness, but then you backtracked. "Wait, no, it's okay! If you don't like it, don't feel like you have to keep it just because of something I said. You can do whatever you want."

"Hm, yeah." A demure smile tugged up the corner of his mouth as he lifted the plate from the ramen pot.

You watched him drag a chopstick through the floating, now-cooked egg to tear it into ribbons, then divide the noodles between two generously-sized bowls. He carefully wiped down the drips of broth from each bowl before sprinkling in his fresh toppings, then walked with you to the table.

Serving you with a pleased smile and a slight nod, he announced, "Dinner!"

"Wow," you mused playfully. "So gourmet."

"I'm really particular about my ramen," he admitted. "I have it down to a perfect routine at this point."

You took your first slurp of his particular, perfect ramen. "Well, it's really good. I'm impressed. And thanks for making me dinner, you didn't have to do all that."

"Oh, come on, it's instant ramen," he laughed. "Nothing special. And you brought the tea, so thanks. And thanks for coming over. And doing the homework with me. And...yeah." Rambling again. Why did he seem so...nervous? You were nervous. He couldn't be nervous. What reason did he have to be? But the twitch of his mouth under his wide eyes, his slightly reddened ears, his hand skittering over his neck—fuck—to ruffle his hair...every action turned another page of his open book. It felt infuriatingly unfair that genetics had assigned someone so sweet and shy and unsure of himself to that fucking body.

While you both ate and talked, you kept catching glimpses of any small flashes of skin you could find, as his long sleeves fell to expose his forearms and the wide neckline of his boxy black shirt gaped around his collarbones. What was wrong with you? Even if this did eventually turn into a dick appointment, the boy still had literally all of his clothes on. You tried to refocus on finishing your noodles, while your brain screamed at itself in shame that you could get this turned on by the sight of someone covered from neck to ankle.

Jungkook ate surprisingly slowly, probably because he kept pausing to excitedly explain his favorite things about the Cowboy Bebop episode you were about to watch together. You smiled into your tea through every out-of-context fun fact and "wait, sorry, that might have been a spoiler!"

Finally, he reached the bottom of his bowl and insisted on both taking your dishes to the sink and leaving them for him to clean later. "You sure you want to start on episode 2? Not 1?"

"Yeah, I remember well enough and your summary helped a lot too!"

"Okay, if you're positive!" he double-checked, grabbing the remote.

Gingerly lowering yourselves to the couch in sync, you avoided looking at each other as you both tried to calculate a comfortable distance between you. His hand looked ready to either hold yours or lower to your thigh, but he retracted at the last second, smoothing it over his own leg anxiously and still clearly itching to make a move. You shuffled closer to him until your thighs barely touched, and he shifted to slink an arm around you, letting your head rest on his well-muscled shoulder. After pressing “play”, he began wiggling slightly again, subconsciously grooving to the old-newspaper-style intro. Spike Spiegel appeared on the screen, his broad shoulders squared into a slouch as he listlessly watched TV. Jungkook kicked one leg over another and stretched his arms out symmetrically to echo the pose. Raising an eyebrow, he waited until you acknowledged him with a faux grimace and a hand to your ear, imitating the old man in a lab who’d just called up Spike for a new mission. You both burst into laughter and settled back into your former arrangement, Jungkook holding you imperceptibly tighter. Though you tried to stay staring straight ahead, wanting to genuinely appreciate the anime, you kept catching his doe eyes in the corner of your sight as you both giggled and gasped your way through the episode.

After avoiding eye contact too many times, you finally tilted your head for a cute sideways view of his face. He leaned toward you too, shyly closing the gap to touch his warm lips to your nose, then lower. You responded immediately, rolling your body with his so your chests met as he pulled you up into a full, deeper kiss. The longer you explored each other's mouths, the more Jungkook punctuated your movements with whimpers. He seemed hesitant to let his hands roam away from your face and neck, but his high, breathy moans made it clear that he was just as into this as you. Your hands had naturally found his taut waist, and at some point you started to bring them back up to his face too—but as your short nails grazed his chest, a particularly sensual, voice-cracking moan interrupted you. You drew back in slight surprise, blinking your eyes open to scan from his face to his body.

He followed your gaze, both slowly settling on the massive tent in his pants. You froze. Your breath grew heavier, confronted with evidence of his physical attraction to you, if nothing else. After regaining his composure, he laid a useless hand over his lap in a delicate attempt to distract you and brought his other hand up to tap your face lightly.

"Is this okay?"

His eyes glittered with equal parts hunger and concern.

"Yes!" you nodded, too quickly, too eagerly. "Yes, this is totally okay. Sorry if I'm being weird, I just...it's been a while." You cringed internally at your own words, but couldn't seem to avoid putting your foot further in your mouth. "I haven't really, like, hooked up like this before—like, I've had sex, but never really outside of a relationship. But don't worry, I get this is more your thing, and I'm totally down if you are. I just don't really know what I'm doing, and you clearly do."

Jungkook blinked at your admission, then his face twisted into something curious, inscrutable. Would he decide you weren't worth the potential for drama? His lips flattened out to a tight line, then pursed to speak, and you looked down at your lap, hoping he wasn't as embarrassed of you as you now were of yourself.

"Well, I've never had sex sober."

Your eyes flashed back up to his. A complex half-smirk offset the furrow in his brow as he exhaled in nervous relief. "So, I don't actually know what I'm doing here either."

You tried to delay your response as you processed the implications. "You mean..." You tilted your head for better eye contact, hoping to convey empathy but not pity while you silently contemplated how to proceed. "Never?"

"Yeah, I've always shown up to parties and the hookups just...happened. Nothing I didn't want, nothing bad like that, but always spontaneous. So I guess we're kind of meeting in the middle, because I've never really had to plan ahead for a situation like this and, uh, figure out what I want. Beyond, yknow, wanting to get laid in the moment, of course." Jungkook laughed off the end of his explanation, but the smile never quite hit his eyes.

"Well, okay, let's pause right there." You sighed. Something in his words didn't sit right with you. "What do you want? I want you to be sure about this, of course, but more than that, even—what do you like?"

"I..." he chuckled, sheepish, shaking his hair over his face again. "What, you want me to just tell you? Like, what I'm into?"

"Yeah," you shrugged, trying to project more confidence than you felt in hopes of encouraging him to keep opening up. "I want you to be able to communicate, I want you to be comfortable. And I want to know what you like, so I can make it as good for you as possible."

With your hands still laid flat on his chest, you felt his heart rate jump a tiny bit, and took the liberty of digging your nails in just slightly deeper. His breath caught him, and then he caught himself. "I don't know, I just want what you want."

Jungkook struggled to appear nonchalant as you rolled your eyes with an "Oh, come on," challenging his avoidance. Every instinct was telling him yes. He could hear his mind screaming at him to be intentional for once and let you take him, if not farther, then deeper than ever before. But he still hesitated, because being intentional in this case required him to be real. He had always been a fairly private person, but something about you made him feel so comfortable so fast that it counterintuitively made him more nervous. Of course Jungkook knew you weren't all innocent at this point, but the risk remained that you wouldn't really be down for everything he secretly wanted to explore. Even worse, though he didn't truly think you would, you could easily turn around and spin anything he revealed into yet another graphic rumor. Especially since you had no skin in the game yourself. He glanced down at your fingers, tensed into his chest, and narrowed his eyes.

"Why don't you tell me what you like first? And then I can tell you where we overlap," he grinned competitively. Your eyes widened as he tossed the challenge back your way. Not backing down, you flattened your hands and steeled yourself to settle the stakes.

"Fine—but only if you promise not to just go along with whatever I say. I'll let you know anything that's a hard no for me, but otherwise I want to hear at least one thing that's not on my list. I really do want what you want, that's how I am too, okay? So..." you paused to slide your fingertips over his collar and drag it down with a light scratch, now directly on his skin. You smiled with your eyes, enjoying the way he naturally responded with a hitch of his breath again. "Surely you can think of something specific."

He nodded quickly, before he could convince himself to back out. "Yeah. Promise."

"Okay," you confirmed, slightly nervous but determined to go through with this, for Jungkook's sake if anything. Seeing his body come alive with each new twist of the situation was building your curiosity, not to mention turning you on beyond belief. You could barely stand the warmth of his skin under your hands, so you drew them back to fold in your lap as you began. "So. Uh. To start. I've never really laid it all out like this either. I really like neck kisses? Like, a lot." Equally unused to this kind of directness, you wrung your hands together nervously, but sucked up the boldness to keep elaborating. "That's definitely, like, a big thing that turns me on...and then getting marked up and everything is really hot to me too. Like you can honestly go really rough with me on that, bite me even. I don't know if this is weird but even though it's annoying to cover up, I love taking off the makeup at the end of the day and seeing all the bruises on myself. Knowing I was walking around all day with that as my little secret." You swallowed shyly before continuing, but Jungkook interrupted the brief silence immediately with a hushed "Fuck."

You turned to face him fully and he didn't even move to meet your stare, eyeing the space above your sweatshirt's wide neckline like he was ready to devour you. Emboldened, your smile grew.

"So...yeah. I like being bitten, marked up. Mostly, uh," you rubbed a slightly trembling hand over your shoulder, "I'm just really into pain in general. Obviously not the bad 'I'm too dry and you're jackhammering me' kind of pain, or like, anal. Anal is a hard no. But things like biting, or hair pulling, or overstimulation. Or, like—I don't really know how to explain this, but...getting held too hard? That deep pain like when you get a massage when you're sore and it hurts but it's good, yknow?"

Jungkook looked like he was about to vibrate out of his skin, breathing shallow and rapid. His eyes flicked up to meet yours, just in time for you to whisper in conclusion:

"I love that feeling."

You suddenly looked away, reticent. A thick silence swelled between you, until he composed himself enough to punctuate it. "Okay. Yeah. Pain. So like, BDSM?"

"I mean, kind of? Sure? I don't have much experience with that and I don't really need the whole power dynamic aspect; I just like the, uh, physical pain. I wouldn't be opposed to trying further, but one thing I do know is I really don't like being degraded. And I'm not into the whole daddy kink thing either. I'm just not gonna call you that, sorry," you laughed, and fortunately he giggled too. "But I know that's not, like, necessary to the rest of BDSM, and the part about giving up control is still...interesting, for sure."

"Wait," Jungkook cocked his head, making a mental note of your last sentence before he went back to the previous one. "What do you mean, being degraded?"

You half-chuckled, half-cringed, never having needed to explain something like this, especially to a guy you hopefully were about to fuck. Cheers to better communication, you supposed.

"You know, how some people when they do dirty talk are like 'yeah, you little slut, you're such a whore.' I don't like being called any of that. Like it's fine that other people like it, there's nothing wrong with that, it's just really uncomfortable for me."

His brows knit together as you explained, and he shook his head so fast it almost looked cartoonish, like a little kid refusing vegetables. "Yeah, no. Don't worry, not really my thing either."

You sighed in relief. "That's nice. I feel like it's, like, weirdly common with guys. Maybe just the kind of thing people learn from porn."

"But you still like it rough, huh? Did you learn that...from porn?" he half-joked, trying to overcome both his shyness and his gritted-teeth arousal.

"No, I don’t like porn. Most of it’s really unethical. I learned from experience," you sassed back. "I don't have a whole lot, but enough to know what I like."

"Well. Hm." He worked his tongue over his teeth, poking one cheek out over his tensed jaw. You couldn't get enough of watching him grow fascinated by your every revelation, and you were preparing to keep pressing further when he beat you to it, posing a question. "Is there anything you haven't tried before, but really want to?"

Your face heated up instantly, tasting your own medicine. You looked back to your hands, breaking his intense eye contact to give yourself the courage to be even more uncomfortably honest. "I...I...um." Your first attempt at disclosing your fantasy came out as a squeak. Swallowing, you set your shoulders and tried again, selfishly reminding yourself Jungkook seemed so eager to please that this was 99% likely to get you exactly what you wanted. "I've always been, uh, really into the idea of, um, getting spanked. I've been, uh, too nervous to ever bring it up, before now obviously, but it's definitely one of the biggest kinks I've always wanted to try. Maybe being tied up too, I think I'd like it if I tried but I haven't thought about that as much. But, yeah...spanking, definitely."

"Fuuuuuuuuck."

A lengthened version of Jungkook's earlier under-breath exclamation made you peer up at him. Your thighs already pressed together from the tension of admitting something totally new, you found yourself needing even more friction just from the sight of Jungkook with his head thrown back on the couch, a veiny hand threaded in his hair to pull the long waves back from his forehead. The full reveal of his sharp eyebrows brought a whole new level of intensity to Jungkook's already beautifully carved features. He glanced over at you, then squeezed his eyes shut with a terse exhale. You couldn't place why, but you felt a deep attraction to the way he expertly restrained himself from acting on the lust written over his face—not under your control, but his own.

"Oh, fuck. What the fuck. How the fuck would you fucking know," he swore more in a single burst than he cumulatively had ever in your presence.

"What?" you toyed, heart rate still high but relaxed enough to enjoy agitating him. "Something ring a bell?"

Jungkook shuddered out a long breath, hand ruffling his hair as his other forearm still tried desperately to subdue his boner.

"Everything," he hissed, more willing to elaborate now that you had done the same, and especially now that he could tell you really did enjoy him being more assertive. "Shit. I...I want...I know you said not to just say this but I really do want everything you want. I can't wait to mark you up. I can't wait to hold you down and bruise your neck. I want it all, I want to make you hurt so good. And then—" Breathless. He looked almost embarrassed. "Then you had to go and somehow guess basically my biggest fucking kink, I can't fucking believe you." Both hands had come up to seize his long locks as he held himself back physically, while finally letting his guard down mentally to declare everything he intended to do to you. Letting out a short laugh, he finally met your eyes. "I wanna spank your ass bright red. Fuck. This is crazy. You're perfect."

Your core throbbed at every bold word. Leaning in close to him, you let your lips approach Jungkook's beautifully sculpted jawline as he panted, his chin tossed up to fully expose his neck. You stopped just short of his skin, in awe of how much you'd been able to work him up and still so tempted to take it to the next level. "Fuck," you echoed. "This is so hot," you murmured almost to yourself. Your eyes closing along with his, you dealt the final blow. "I love that we have so much in common. But come on, you promised. One thing that's not on my list."

Jungkook whined. You could tell he needed to touch you so badly, and no one was stopping him but himself. He had no way of knowing that if he cut the whole discussion and just took you, you wouldn't even try to resist at this point. Staring at his trembling mouth from below, you quickly averted your eyes when he opened his, pretending you hadn't been looking. He inhaled a short hiss, and then spoke.

"Okay..." He paused after just the first word, blowing air through the tiny "o" of his mouth as his eyes bugged slightly from nervousness. He couldn't resist a challenge, though, and his urge to please you overwhelmed his reluctance to peel back one more layer. "So, the pain thing. I think we, uh, feel the same about me giving and you receiving. But...I'm really into it for myself too. I don't know if you'd be comfortable with it, I know you maybe want me to be more dominant and I think I like that more too in general, but you can be as rough with me as you want back. I'd love that." Eyes still open but fluttering, Jungkook's tone grew breathier, heady as he confessed. You almost giggled at how bashfully he worded his desire to dominate you, to rough each other up, but the contrast was so hot you couldn't help sucking your bottom lip between your teeth, eager for him to continue. His voice lowered. "I love being scratched, marked, bitten...hit me, push me back, any kind of pain or any way you can hurt me, I want it." He shivered, but his voice firmed up even further. "I want it so bad."

You fought to stay motionless beside him, unable to even process how much more his honesty had turned you on. You felt helpless in your desire for him, your craving to give him everything he wanted and more. He noticed your charged stillness and shifted toward you, removing a hand from his hair to finally reach for your face. Threading his fingers through your hair instinctively like he had with his own, he tilted your head back to access your neck. Jungkook finally felt confident enough to tease you back as he skimmed his lips over your pulse point, tugging your skin between his teeth for a gentle first taste and grinning when you moaned. Seeing someone so satisfied, for reasons better than just his body or their pride, brought the most incredible rush of blood to his head. And his other head.

"And I get why you want it too," he finished with a whisper in your ear. "So trust me when I say I really, really want to give it to you."

In an instant, your hands yanked his hair down to bring his face up to yours, mouths crashing together. Feverish, restless, you kissed him, hastily attempting to straddle his thick thighs before he threw his body over yours and pinned you to the back of the couch. His hands wandered, intrepid, from your waist to a quick squeeze of your breasts before he spiraled you into his strong arms. Pressing your chest flush with his as your mouths meshed, he ground his hips into you shamelessly, enjoying the way you struggled beneath him to align your core with his rock-hard dick.

"Your room?" You rushed out the words.

Jungkook laughed a little, his tone half whine and half dare. "So we're done talking?"

"Come on," you pleaded back. He finally relented, pulling you up with him and dragging you across the living room and through his door, lips not leaving yours for a second. You backed him into the bed with your arms against his strong chest, and once he was sitting perched on the edge, you laid yourself horizontally over his thighs.

"What are you doing?" he murmured, curling a hand over the dip of your waist to hold you gently.

You angled your head back to make unsteady eye contact with him, flipping your shorts down boldly. His free hand automatically reached to slowly conform to the shape of your ass, so eager to touch you but tentative as he grazed your curves.

"Giving you exactly what you want."

"Fuck. Really? You're sure about this?" Jungkook held careful eye contact as you brought your arms back up, crossing your wrists over your head delicately. You nodded slightly and did your best to meet his gaze with confident invitation, convincing him how much you trusted and wanted him.

He smoothed his warm hand over your ass one more time, then brought it up and watched your thighs tighten at the loss of his touch. Breathing in, still a little shakily, he brought his hand down on your right cheek with a loud but mild smack. A grunt of satisfaction involuntarily left him when he saw your face flinch down into the sheets, subduing a small noise of surprise. He returned his hand to caress the light redness he'd left, checking in with you again. "Is this okay? Let me know if I should stop."

You replied with your face still tucked between your arms, muffled by the bed. "More than okay. Please don't stop."

He spanked you again, moving to your left cheek. This time you felt his dick twitch under you and couldn't help grinding down on him a little bit. "Is that as hard as you can go?" you taunted in low tones, brave enough to egg him on but not quite enough to meet his eyes again.

Jungkook's thighs and core tensed under you, and he squeezed his fingertips tighter, digging into the skin of your ass. "Not at all," he said simply.

Deep breath. A few seconds passed, and his hand came down, harshly. You cried out in shock, the timing unexpected and the sting far sharper, and he gave your other cheek a fourth hard smack before you could even process the third one. "Harder?" he tested. "Tell me."

Another spank. "Mmmf."

"You like this, huh?"

"Yes, I told you," you whimpered back, half-teasing even though you were in no position to do so. Immediately, he cut you off with a stinging hit across both cheeks, and you moaned.

"You really do," he breathed lowly. "Fuck yeah. Take it then."

He spanked you again, and again, then paused, tugging down your shorts all the way to your ankles to expose the crease right above your thighs. Rubbing your already sore bottom, Jungkook cupped the underside of its curve in his big, firm hand. Already anticipating your whine, he drew back his touch and hummed in harmony with you. He continued landing satisfyingly hard smacks, alternating to cover your ass evenly. His dick strained through his pants more and more each time you trembled under his touch. Never hitting you hard enough to do serious damage, he still clearly enjoyed his thorough reddening of your ass, and occasionally took a moment just to caress your skin as it warmed from the spanking. The pain lit your senses up from head to toe. Face burning with deep arousal, you mentally thanked yourself for going out of your comfort zone and unprecedentedly admitting your kinks before even venturing into your first time together. Amidst the thrilling sting of his hand meeting your soft curves, Jungkook eventually noticed your thighs clenching together, craving friction but not really wanting relief from the pleasurable burn.

"You're wet," he marveled, sliding two warm fingers up and down your slit.

"Mhm," you mumbled back as you tilted your hips into his hand. He gave you a light slap right on the folds between your legs, eliciting another soft moan.

"So good for me," Jungkook said softly, pulling you up into his lap by your waist. "You look so pretty like this. I wanna see all of you." He tugged your sweatshirt over your head, followed by your sports bra, thankful that it stretched over your head easily. Suddenly grinning, he wound up and shot it across the room like a rubber band, and you smacked his arm, giggling.

"What was that? You cheeseball," you teased, and he blinked, chuckling lightly back. It occurred to him that he'd never laughed, or made someone laugh, during sex before.

"It was so stretchy! Don't make fun of me," he blushed.

"You're so cute," you said, fingers sliding under his t-shirt hem.

"Cute?" His eyebrows rose in mock disbelief, and he reached around to land another hit to your still-red asscheek.

"Hot," you amended. Raising his shirt and finally getting a full glimpse of his enviable abs, you groaned. "You're extremely hot, and also really cute, and it's kind of ridiculous and I don't really know how to handle all of it at once."

His face scrunching up into a smile at the praise, he fell back onto the bed with his arms behind his head. "You are too, you know. Really cute, of course. But really hot too." As you discarded his shirt and moved on to easing his sweatpants down his hips, you held in a gasp as his erection sprung up from the waistband. He was big, thick, and painfully hard, his tip glistening warm with precum and a lone vein running prominently up his smooth shaft. Although you wouldn't be corroborating them, you had to admit to yourself that all the rumors were true. You instinctively curled a hand around it, barely covering half his length, and he winced at your slightest touch. Pulling off with a single slow stroke, you slid his sweatpants and briefs all the way to the floor and then stood, looking up from his legs to his blown-out eyes to take in the glorious sight of his fully naked body.

"You shave," you said, surprised by the clean skin under his arms and between his legs.

"Yeah," he demurred, self-conscious for some reason. He lowered his arms to fold them over his torso, somehow defining his biceps even more. "I'm on the dance team, and it's nice to feel all smooth for practice and stuff. I don't know, I just like it."

"Oh, that's cool! No worries, I like it too. And you don't mind that..." You looked down at yourself, still just standing naked in front of him. "...I don't? Like, down there at least."

"No, you do you!" he said quickly. With a shy smile, he admitted, "I actually kind of like it on you. I do this for me, anyway, not for anyone else," he playfully noted. Slowly, he was sitting up to take hold of your waist and lower you down to the bed with him. Pausing to kiss the sweet spot under your jaw, he continued. "So don't feel like you have to do anything, or not do anything, either."

Jungkook couldn't quite explain the nature of how his attraction to you had developed. Seeing how open and honest you were with him made it easy for him to be honest with you too, and just to feel comfortable being himself. He admired the way he could still tell you sometimes got nervous like him, but it didn’t stop you from getting real or going bolder. Unable to fully express it in words, he just hoped to ensure you felt as comfortable and respected around him as he did around you. He already knew that he wanted this to be more than just a one-time thing, and while he still hesitated to assume that you felt the same, he intended to leave no doubt by the end of the night.

You moaned as he nipped at the skin of your neck. It was so easy to get swept back up in Jungkook. You could barely handle the friction of his dick rutting against your wet folds from below, craving him inside you. "Ughhh. Wait, one more thing. I'm on the pill, are you clean?"

"Yes," he gasped, barely removing his mouth from your jaw. "Are you?"

"Yeah, so we don't need a condom. If that's cool with you!"

"Yeah! But, you're ready?" He seemed surprised.

"Aren't you?" you whined, beyond holding back. He felt so unbearably hard that his coherence and willpower kind of surprised you too. "Please, I want you so bad."

To your surprise, he lowered his head to the crest of your legs, dotting wet kisses down your torso. Keeping his big brown eyes on you, he teased your entrance with a finger and echoed your immediate groan at the welcome stretch.

"You really are ready," he remarked, awed at the ease with which your wetness sucked the digit in. Frankly, you were in awe as well. It had taken your ex-boyfriend months to figure out how to get you this worked up. Jungkook either had even more experience than you'd heard from the grapevine, or he was a natural. Or maybe you were just really, ridiculously, primally attracted to him. He went on to curve his finger in you and lick a messy swipe up your folds, sucking hard once he reached your sensitive clit. You cried out at the delicious burst of stimulation and he rose up to catch your lips with his.

"I had to do that, just once," he grinned breathlessly. "But—"

"Let me suck you off," you interjected, unbelievably fucking turned on and dying to please him.

"No," he gasped with far more fervency than you'd think anyone could refuse a blowjob. "Please, I was about to say—" he choked out a high-pitched moan as you ran a single finger up his shaft in anticipation, sinking the nails of your other hand into his thigh. "—I think I'm gonna explode if I don't get inside you right this second."

So he did have a breaking point. "Fuck," you muttered, bringing your legs around his to tuck your heels under his tight ass as he lined up. He eased his tip in, keeping heavy eyes on you the whole time, and you could feel the hot, thick tension in his thighs as he struggled to hold himself back from just thrusting into your heat. Slowly, he drew closer into you until he bottomed out with a low moan. You whined at the perfect slight pain of the stretch, and Jungkook squeezed his eyes shut, gripping you by your waist. Watching the veins in his forearms stand out as he drove almost all the way out and back into you, you rocked your hips carefully against his with each smooth stroke, getting used to his fullness. When his balls met your ass again, he shuddered a bit and opened his eyes into yours.

You answered his question before he could even ask it. "Jungkook—you feel so good. You can go faster, it's okay."

A smile hit his eyes before his mouth, and he kissed you once, pressing his chest to yours and intertwining your tongues eagerly. You bit his bottom lip as he slowly drew away, tugging it between your teeth to pull a sweet little whimper from his throat. Grinning, he leaned back in to touch his forehead to yours and simultaneously slid a subtle hand under your ass to curve your hips up with his. The slight leftover sensitivity of your skin amplified his light touch, and Jungkook seemed to realize this, curling his fingers to tease you with the tips of his nails. Instinctively, you ducked to bite his neck, not even registering your move to pass the pain back to him until he choked out a beautifully half-restrained moan and snapped his hips into yours. Gasping, you encouraged him to lose himself in you, dragging your lips up to latch around his earlobe. He hissed and thrust into you sharply again, meeting the time of your movements as you swirled your tongue between each of his hoop earrings. Soon he was pounding you rhythmically, finally letting you feel the full force of his strength but keeping remarkable control over both his body and yours. Both of you had gone silent except for your heavy breaths, lost in the moment, but the flexed shivers of his thighs and twitches of his fingers in your hair told you all you needed to know. Suddenly yanking your strands to pull you back from the additional bruise you'd sucked beneath his ear, he earned a new set of scratches on his back as your hands dragged down the muscular expanse in reply. Jungkook switched places with you to draw dark clouds from your skin, a storm brewing under your jaw. Your face fell into pure bliss, eyes shut and immersed in the barrage of sensation from his hands, mouth, and big dick filling you. Already feeling the familiar tension that preceded an orgasm building through your whole body, you chased him closer to his climax too, grinding back roughly into every thrust and raking your hands over every part of his firm body you could reach.

You had really been fooling yourself when you thought you could try something casual for once. You wanted more of Jungkook, all of Jungkook, nothing but Jungkook ever again. Knowing he'd never even gone back to the same hookup twice sank slight anxiety into your stomach, a kind of future nostalgia for this moment you already feared losing. You knew you weren't anything special compared to the catalogue of gorgeous girls he'd had his turn with, but a deviant voice whispered from the back of your mind that you could be, because it was clear none had bothered to learn him like this. You'd still try your desperate best not to want too much from him, but you resolved to do whatever you could to make him crave more.

Rolling your hips in a smooth circle against him, you clenched around his dick and your hands tightened their fierce hold on his tiny waist. You felt his abs tense within your grasp as he tried not to stutter into you.

"Fuck. No." His voice cracked, but held an undertone of ferocity. "You come first." Jungkook rushed a hand to your clit, adding pressure in small, deft motions with a fingertip as he kept fucking you deep. You sank your teeth into his shoulder in response, drawing your hands up his back to clutch him closer to you, and Jungkook cried out. You left your mouth on his golden skin to stifle your moans as he sped up his fingers, and he tried to let you stay there but eventually couldn't help pulling you off him to see your face. Eyes narrowed and eyebrows turning up sharp at the ends, he watched you like a hawk to track the exact moment when he pushed you over the edge. Your face crumpled and you felt your whole body burn under his gaze as you came, squeezing around him in waves of pleasure while he fucked you through your high, unrelenting. Drinking up the bliss obvious on your features, Jungkook's eyes never left yours and his expression grew more and more fucked out. You marveled at how even as you lost control and energy to fuck him back, your body freezing in orgasm seemed to turn him on further. One last pulse of the tension leaving your core made his dick throb inside you, and you impulsively broke your eye contact to lean in and bite down slow but hard on his neck again. He gasped.

"You're amazing." Murmuring into his skin, you kissed the bite marks gently. Jungkook whimpered at the sweet contradiction and lurched into your hips even harder. You recovered to move with him, squeezing him deeper into you every time he bottomed out, and as his breathless moans escalated in pitch, his whole body shivered with each stroke. Pressing wet, heavy kisses all over his neck, you felt his jaw flutter while his lips hung open. His considerable strength spent, Jungkook shuddered one last hard thrust into you and finally let go, coating your walls from within. His hips lightly rocked against yours as he stayed deep inside you, still hard and savoring the euphoric release he'd held back for so long. You felt so incredibly warm and comfortable around his sensitive dick, relaxed but still holding him tight, and he couldn't help holding you up for a languid kiss before pulling out of you smoothly.

He briefly looked into your eyes, and you saw stars. The sun had continued to set outside, and it peeked between the blinds of his window to wrap you both in a warm, slivered glow. Staring down at his hands on your body, Jungkook took a deep breath and collapsed to your side, holding you close. You settled into him, cupping a hand over his head on your chest. With your fingers laced through his sweaty hair, you stroked his temple with your thumb, worrying for a second whether the gesture seemed too intimate but forgetting your fear when he snuggled up into your touch. You felt the need to say something, to figure out what the fuck was next after this, but stayed silent, not wanting to disturb the comforting weight of his frame. Heartbeat still racing, Jungkook stretched out to breathe a long sigh. As he sank back into you, you stretched under him too, letting his solid, warm body drape over you like a blanket. This couldn't be farther from what you'd expected with him, but you weren't about to make it stop. Surely, eventually, he would.

A minute passed. And then five. And then, before either of you could talk yourselves out of it, you were asleep, intertwined.

#jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader smut #bts smut #bts fic #bts fanfic #college!jungkook #college au!jungkook #bts college au #jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #my writing #fic: anti-hero #anti-hero #anti hero

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kingonafiftymetreroad · 3 years

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Fic Rec Post

Hey everybody! One of my secret santas asked me what my favorite fics are so I decided to make a full blown rec post just for them. These are a little all over the place so I hope you can find something that you enjoy here! ☁️✨

Please make sure to read all tags and warnings before reading a fic. And don’t forget to kudos/comment!

🌙 The Finish Line (Is A Good Place For Us To Start) by LoadedGunn 122k

Louis Tomlinson, one-time Formula 1 World Champion, is looking forward to the 2013 season. He’s got Zayn in his garage and Liam in his ear, he’s got Cowell Racing backing him despite former indiscretions, he’s got experience and the best race car out there. Not to mention he’s the only racer they have, after Oliver dropped out late last year.

It hasn’t occurred to him that Oliver would have to be replaced by February. That is, until he finds himself at a party celebrating Harry Styles leaving Ferrari for Cowell. Harry hotshot Styles, who broke a record last year and is probably looking to make a big splash. Harry Styles, who is talented and somewhat intimidating. Harry Styles, who left Ferrari for reasons unknown and seems kind of lonely and harmless in person. Lonely, harmless, hot as fuck. Whatever.

The first thing Louis does is take him under his wing. From there it’s nine months of slow-burning romance, the past catching up to them, turning into the human puppy pile that is OT5 and a lot of feelings until, of course, reaching the finish line.

🌙 a promise lives within you now by sarcasticfluentry 46k

A Lord of the Rings-inspired Middle Earth AU. Louis is an Elven prince, next in line to become King of Mirkwood, and Harry is the orphaned Human boy who grows up alongside him. They fall in love, but Louis’s obligations to the throne, Harry’s mortality, and impending war threaten to tear them apart.

🌙 if you're for real and not pretend by brownheadedstranger 21k

In which Harry works in a bakery and Louis can't seem to find what he's looking for.

🌙 Into The Blue by zarah5 117k (story is locked, ao3 account required to read)

AU. In which Louis is Harry's scuba instructor and quite happy to provide the requested special treatment, pun fully intended. It can't be all that difficult to convince Harry that they're on the same page, right? Also, Niall and Liam may or may not be dating, and Zayn is surrounded by emotionally stunted idiots. He bears it with dignity.

🌙 Don't Unplug Me Or Shut Me Down by slashter 7k

Louis scowls. "He's a photography student. He works with gorgeous models and probably breaks hearts with his smile. I'm a nerd. I earn my money fixing broken crap, and for some stupid reason, I like it. He wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, he's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers, et cetera, et cetera." Louis sighs. "I swear, the coolest thing I've ever done is wear contacts."

Basically, Louis is a self-proclaimed nerd who fixes things and Harry seems too perfect to keep breaking as many things as he does.

🌙 You Are The Blood by sarcasticfluentry 175k

A seventh-year Hogwarts AU in which Niall gets all the girls, Liam goes on a journey of self-discovery, Zayn falls in love, Harry wants something more, and Louis tries to figure out once and for all why he, a Muggleborn, was sorted into Slytherin.

🌙 this must be what all the fuss is about by youcomecrash 3k

"You're sweaty," he mumbles matter-of-factly. Louis opens his eyes and raises his head from between his arms. Harry's just staring up at him with a lazy expression and Louis kind of wants to kiss him to sleep. "That's because it's a hundred degrees in here, babe."

🌙 I Fell From the Sky For You (Like a Shooting Star) [by louserz] by waddupjordan (orphan_account) 8k (This was originally posted on tumblr by @louserz and this person had permission to post it on ao3 for the author. if the original author sees this and wants me to take this off of my rec post please DM me and I will. This fic displays elements of depression and homelessness although it is not tagged that way so please take caution in reading this. I don’t want to accidentally trigger anybody.<3)

Harry owns a bookstore, Louis is homeless, and apparently even shooting stars fall in love.

🌙 Sail Across Me by iwillpaintasongforlou 21k

Harry is a prince that is about to be forced into marriage against his will and running away to sea seems like a much better option. Louis is the captain of the infamous pirate ship The Rogue and he has a thing for helping defenseless creatures. Especially when they're as pretty as this one.

🌙 but maybe im just in love when you wake me up by theonewiththelarrystories 6k

lazy morning sex, prompted by Asher: "like a whole sleepy sunday morning vibe of waking up together and then louis pulling a sleepy harry into a warm bath and louis washing harry all over. a bit of body!worship, louis gently working conditioner into harrys curls and him practically purring. Then louis taking it slow with kisses on harrys neck and gentle touches and then fingering harry until hes whining with his head thrown back against louis’ shoulder little needy noises coming from his perfect fucking lips. and then harrys boneless and content while louis leads him back to their bed and spreads him out face down and rims the fuck out of him until hes screaming and then he fucks him gently and then they cuddle on the couch and harry wears louis’ white sweater and louis calls him ‘sweetheart.’"

🌙 strawberry milk fic by Wankerville 158k (3 parts)

This is a 3 part story. The 1st part was originally written alone and then the author added the rest. You can just read the 1st part (19k), and you’ll still be satisfied without feeling added pressured to read the whole thing. Please read all the tags and warnings for each fic beforehand!

🌙 and we live like legends now by soleilouis 16k girl!direction

harry works at a juice bar, and louis is the cute girl that skates at the park right next door.

🌙 Through Eerie Chaos by MediaWhore 102k (story is locked, ao3 account required to read) @mediawhorefics

For as long as anyone can remember, Old Hillsbridge Manor has always been believed to be haunted. Everyone in the village agrees and keeps a respectful, fearful, distance. New in town after a bad breakup and an internship that led to disappointment rather than a permanent job, Harry Styles figures taking pictures of the decrepit building could be a great new creative project. Or at least a much-needed distraction while he searches for a job and crashes at his parents’ new house. No one warned him about the apparitions though; about the music, the laughter, the people who flicker and vanish when you call after them, the echoes of a past that should be long gone… Harry has never believed in spirits but even he can admit that there’s something weird going on. What starts as mere curiosity evolves into a full-blown investigation and soon enough, Harry finds himself making friends with an aristocrat from the 1920s and struggling with finding the best way to tell him that he’s dead.

The Ghost Hunter AU where Niall lives to prove ghosts are real, Zayn is a skeptical librarian and Harry gets caught up in a century-old mystery and catches feeling in the process.

🌙 jump in the deep end by istajmaal 5k

Louis’s stomach lurches as he closes the last bit of distance, Harry’s nose settling between his arse cheeks and pushing them apart. Harry’s lips brush against the puckered skin around Louis’s hole in a kiss and Louis lets out a whine so high-pitched he barely recognizes it as coming from himself—what if I'm not clean enough, what if Harry hates it, what if Harry pushes me away—but then Harry’s long, wet tongue swoops in a circle around Louis’s rim and Louis feels like all the breath is knocked out of him. He grabs for Harry’s hand, still digging into his thigh, and squeezes over it, until Harry releases his vice grip on Louis’s thigh and laces his fingers through Louis’s.

or, Louis's arse is a sensitive subject, so Harry approaches it gently. With his tongue.

🌙 the wheel breaks the butterfly by embodied 4k girl!direction @aliensingucci

“Out with it, Styles,” Louis groans. Harry’s suddenly regretting this whole thing, and she’s sure she’s beet red now, so she just blurts it out so fast she’s not sure if Louis even understands her right away.

“I’ve never gotten head before.”

AU. harry and louis are roommates. girls' night ends a little differently than usual.

🌙 you flower, you feast by stylinsoncity 18k

He's King of the Underworld, but don't assume Louis has it all. He could stand for some excitement in his monotonous, eternal life and maybe, even.....a soulmate.

(Despite not having a soul.)

And along came "Harry".

🌙 you change, water sea by got2ghost 4k girl!direction (ziam with side larry)

“Zayn wants me to teach her how to make a girl squirt,” Louis says, like it’s the most casual thing in the world. Liam chokes on the water she’d been swigging from her thermos, which makes Louis throw her head back and laugh. Zayn’s brows pinch together and she pats Liam gently on the shoulder, muttering, ‘you okay babes?’

🌙 The Case Of The (Definitely Not Haunted) Styles Mansion by BriaMaria 40k

“So there’s a sense of humor buried beneath all that condescension, huh?” Louis said when he’d stopped laughing.

“It’s not condescension, it’s intelligence. I understand you might not be able to recognize it yourself,” Marcel said, then slapped a hand over his mouth. “Oh god, I’m sorry.”

Louis stepped closer, his eyes on Marcel’s face. “For being an asshat?”

“For being rude,” Marcel said, from beneath his palm.

Louis shifted a half-step closer until he was at the very edge of Marcel’s personal space. It felt like he was nudging at it, asking to be let in. Marcel flushed hot for no reason.

“Lucky for you it takes quite a lot to actually insult me,” Louis said taking one step closer. Too close. Too close.

Marcel met Louis’ eyes. Those blue eyes that reminded Marcel of poetry instead of science, lyrics instead of formulas. They were so pretty he wanted to drown in them.

---

Or the Nancy Drew AU where Marcel is a man of logic, Louis is a private detective who believes in ghosts, and the Styles Mansion is definitely, absolutely, positively *not* haunted.

🌙 You are the Lyrics by TheIfInLife 4k @larryficwriter

or, Harry wears lingerie for the first time and Louis definitely approves.

🌙 Wild at Heart Ain't Hard to Find by QuickedWeen 11k girl!direction @becomeawendybird

Louis and her best friends Niall and Liam always take an annual vacation together. This year Niall has picked Redwater Canyon, a small tourist town where everyone lives like it's the Old West. There are saloons, stagecoaches, and limited access to WiFi.

The town boasts tours, excursions, activities, and the hottest woman Louis has ever seen in the form of the local blacksmith.

🌙 Withdrawal Was the Weeping by QuickedWeen 11k girl!direction

Confined by life and society, Harry spends her Sunday afternoons walking aimlessly about the countryside as it's her only source of freedom. One Sunday she is aided by the most beautiful woman she has ever met, but not everything is as it seems. Was it a trick of the light? Was it Harry's own active imagination? There is nothing to do but try to find her again.

🌙 i must admit i thought i'd like to make you mine by disgruntledkittenface 50k @disgruntledkittenface

Louis fell apart when her ex broke up with her and moved across the country. Just as she’s starting to move on, Zayn comes back to town for their mutual friends’ wedding – with a new girlfriend as her plus one.

Blindsided and scrambling to save face, Louis lets herself get talked into a fake relationship with her new friend Harry. Their arrangement makes Louis feel pathetic and embarrassed, but it’s only going to last a few weeks. She just has to get through the wedding – what could happen?

🌙 tempted by the fruit of another by disgruntledkittenface 3k (zayn/louis/harry)

Zayn didn’t mean to look. And she certainly didn’t mean to watch.

It’s just that Louis and Harry are the worst hosts in the world; they’re in their bedroom, clearly fucking (again), and so loud that Zayn can’t concentrate on her game of Among Us in the living room. Liam has killed her twice. Liam. So she just went down the hallway to make sure their bedroom door was at least closed.

It wasn’t.

Zayn stumbles into a world of possibility when she stays with Harry and Louis for a few weeks.

🌙 I have more favorite fics but they are not included here due to them being deleted from ao3. They’re saved in PDF form both on my laptop and my phone (I go back and read them all the time) so if you’re interested in those you’re welcome to reach out to me and ask privately and I’ll share what I can.

This turned out a lot longer than I had expected. If you read through the whole thing thank you! ✨

#☁️✨#fic rec #masterpost #long post #fic rec masterpost #ls #fav #i plan on adding more fics as i read them too #hope ur able to find something to read ss!#if ur looking for more specific types of fics lmk and ill see what i got :)#fic #larry stylinson #my post #my recs

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harinthedrummerboy · 3 years

Text

You Were Beautiful

Genre: Sad

Pairing: Jaehyun x Dowoon

Summary: After the passing of Dowoon Jae pushes himself to cope with his death one day alone in the office he comes across a file titled "you were beautiful" something that Dowoon would always like to write on his or Jae or both there shared stuff for some reason

Chapter 1

( only 1 chapter )

———

i look to the side of my desk looking at the files that are waiting for me to finish up or if not start before the dead line i look at the tab that is opened on my computer i debate weather to do my work or go on my computer and just do anything

after debating for awhile i decided to put my work on hold to give myself a bit of a small break since i haven't had one yet i hold my mouse as i rest my chin on my hand i start typing away as i keep looking at my clock next to the pile of books

11:42pm i sigh deeply as i stretch a bit in my seat while keeping my eyes glued to the computer taking a sip of my coffee i stop as something catches my eyes a file titled "you were beautiful" i put my cup down next to my clock as i look at the file closely rereading the title over and over again making sure im reading this right

i even take off my glasses cleaning them to make sure i read it right and i did i bite my lip thinking if i should open it or not if i want to unlock these memories that i never wanted to unlock why not just give it a try

i click on the file as a small black screen appears i click on the video as it shows a big screen a video shows a male running in the snow dressed in winter clothes all cozy up I look carefully trying to see the male face as the male turns towards the camera

my eye light up as i see the male face it was me smiling at the camera i smile a bit as i watch the clip it shows me running in the snow smiling and talking to the camera the audio wasn't working because the camera ended up breaking from the audio thing but at least the video was working right

the clip continue as i keep running but ended up tripping and falling backwards onto the snow the camera goes above me as i start making a snow angel the clip changes to me laying on my side looking not at the camera but at the person behind it im smiling it continues with me playing with the snow throwing some towards the camera hitting it

then im leaning a railing i signal the person holding the camera to come towards me they back away a bit going to the side as i start making faces and doing random hearts and other funny stuff

i keep looking at the camera as i just smile at it i keep smiling at the computer like an idiot as the clip ends i assume that it ended but i was wrong another clip comes on as i just get comfy incase more clips start playing after

the next clip shows me waddling to the front of a store window where there are 3 mannequin as i start posing like im a fashion model then there me running down the white stairs as i stop in the middle i pout turning towards the camera looking at it with a hurt expression

the next clips show me in a karaoke room singing i was wearing a blue shirt white shorts and shoes that weren't even mine but they were dowoon i stop the clip as i move my seat back looking down at my shoes i was wearing the same shoes that belonged to him i smile a bit as i unpause the clip as it continue playing

i play around in the karaoke room singing and playing with the random instruments i smile at the computer a big wide smile i start laughing at myself loudly as i start coughing laughing even more I ended up falling in the clip as I laughed it off and got back up having more fun

the next clip is me running on the side walk in the night where no one was around i look at the camera with a big smile one that i haven't had made for a long time till now the next clip was during the summer time

i was playing with a water gun shooting the camera with some water as i hear a bit of the audio it was his soft voice

"yah stop doing that meanie" i chuckle at his response it keeps changing as im squatting down shooting him with a water gun laughing and smiling standing up as i run towards him shooting him hitting him with more water as i hear him whine

Laughing thats my dowoon the clip changes again as i stop laughing looking at the computer closely it was a clip of dowoon singing a song playing with a guitar i put my feet on his lap as he looks at me pushing my feet away

"you nasty" i laugh at his reaction as he puts his guitar down to his side as he goes for my waist tickling me as i laugh since im very sensitive i keep smiling a lot at the computer with my smile becoming bigger and bigger with each moment

The next clip is the camera sitting on the table as i was shown feeding dowoon noodles making sure he doesn't spill anything since i don't want to clean up his mess since he is a lazy man who doesn't like to clean then we play games as i was winning against him while he was losing

Since i was wearing a hat he pulls it down blinding me so he can win the game and not lose again i put my hat up as I start hitting his head as we are laughing loudly im betting that the next door neighbors could probably hear us

it changes again as we are shooting water at each other with water guns running around watching our steps since we don't want to fall and hurt ourselves or watch each other get hurt it was getting dark and it was already past 1:00am but i didn’t care

Then there me looking around as dowoon slides towards me holding popcorn and one sode with two straws with the recipe between his lips i take the recipe as he takes a sip of the soda it changes to us smiling at the movie i don't really know or remember what we were watching but we were both smiling like two idiots

it changed again to us both singing in the karaoke room dancing and jumping around like crazy while singing looking into each other eyes the next clip was me looking at a small white puppy as dowoon looked at me smiling with so much love in his eyes watching me play with the small puppy

it changed to me painting dowoon nails as he was looking up at the ceiling he seems like he is thinking about life haha well kind of but then he went to smile with his unhappy face i don't know why i sigh deeply as i look down at my keyboard

The bad memories started hitting me again when i was in a angry mood and he kept trying to cheer me up but i wasn't in the mood and i got angry at him pushing him away as i walked off he looked at me confused i have never acting like this towards him

then it all went down hill it was the worst time in my whole life i was somewhere one night as i was talking to dowoon over the phone i wanted to end it all with him i don't know why but i just didn't want to be with him anymore i still loved him but i wasn't okay at that time

i ended up breaking up with him that night leaving him crying and all heartbroken then i remember the good times the time where me and him would walk around the streets holding hands kissing each other ignoring every one stares as we were in our own little world

the file closed as i wiped away my tears that i didn't even notice falling from my eyes i sigh deeply turning off my computer as i lean back in my seats he was gone it was all over but i still went to say my last goodbyes i know he in a better place now

he was a beautiful person a nice person...

you were beautiful yoon dowoon i love you so much... I’m sorry

#day6 #day6 ot5 #day6 scenarios

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 28

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k - 4.3k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: filler chapter again sorry! but i tried to make it cute! i didnt plan a sex scene but its there sooo yea haha lol

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : 2 requests! i hope i wrote them right! love them btw! please keep sending them!!!

Chapter 28 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I thought we would have sex before we went to bed but I must have fallen asleep faster than I wanted to. Niall also probably undressed me because when I woke up in the middle of the night, I was wearing his shirt and nothing else. I smiled, keeping my eyes closed, and brought my shoulder closer to my nose. It smelled like him even if he probably didn't wear it for too long since he had a buttoned shirt at the wedding. I turned around in bed, trying to reach him with my arm but he wasn't there and I let out a short whimper before forcing myself to open my eyes.

The room was dark and quiet and it made a shiver run in my back. I got up and realized his shirt was a bit short. I searched through my stuff for a clean pair of panties and put it on before quietly getting out of the room. Everything was dark except for a very low and warm light in the living room. I walked slowly closer and leaned against the wall when I saw Niall sitting on the couch. He was writing very quickly in his notebook and he was so concentrated that he didn't even notice me. It was always special for me to see him when he seemed to be so deep in his thoughts that no one could get in his bubble. His hair was a mess and once in a while, he ran his hand in it, making the mess even worse. I stared at him for a while as he kept his focus on the paper, wearing only his boxers and making me realize he probably woke up in the middle of the night with an idea that he couldn't let go of. Something that he knew he wouldn’t remember in the morning but that he just had to write about.

I didn't know how long I stayed there but I didn't want to interrupt him or distract him. I just walked back to the room after a while and lied down in bed, looking at the ceiling. I couldn't stop thinking about everything that had happened to me in the past few months and somehow, I felt like everything was going for the better. The more time passed, the more It seemed like I was discovering who I was and what I wanted.

It was so obvious that what I wanted was Niall but more than that, what I really wanted was a healthy relationship with Niall. I wanted us to be the kind of couple that would drip with sweetness but that also could spend time without each other without going crazy. I wanted him to be my best friend but not my only friend and I didn't want either of us to be afraid, insecure, jealous or unhappy. I knew I was asking a lot, and I knew not everything could be perfect all the time, but I knew Niall and I together could come very fucking close to perfection.

I tried to stay awake until he came back to sleep but once again, I probably had fallen asleep despite myself because when I woke up again, the sun was already up and I had a small headache. I groaned and this time, I knew he was still in bed. I could feel the warmth of his body close to mine and I turned in the sheets, wrapping my arm around his back. His cheek was flat against the mattress just like his chest and I watched him sleep, his lips parted and slightly twisted as he let out a low snore. Fuck, he was so hot and I just stared at him with my eyes half-open for a few minutes, or maybe 15? 20? Who knew?

When I realized how bad I needed to pee, I finally got up very slowly, making sure I wouldn't wake him up. He was always up before me but I knew he had been up a big part of the night to write something and I wanted him to get the rest he needed and clearly deserved.

I made coffee and stayed next to the coffee machine as I watched it fall down, yawning a few times before adding cream and sugar in my cup. I couldn't stop thinking about him going on tour and being separated from him for weeks and it made something twist in my chest. Of course, I didn't want to be the girl who would follow him everywhere. I was not that girl anymore. I was not dependent of the man I loved, and I had stuff to do and commitments, too. We were about to start filming the new season of my tv show and although I dreaded playing with Dylan I knew it was something we had to do. It would be awkward at first, for sure, but in the end, I knew he was professional and I promised myself I would be, too.

I finished my coffee but left the cup in the sink before walking to the living room. It was supposed to be a lazy day and I was surprised my head didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, or that I wasn't nauseous at all despite all the champagne I had drank the night before.

I sat on the couch and pushed the stuff on it to find the remote. It showed that I was spending time at Niall's : his place had never been so messy and I suddenly felt guilty. I finally found the remote but looked at it before sighing, putting it back on the coffee table as I took the decision to clean a bit while he was still asleep. Something caught my attention and even if I knew I shouldn't, I grabbed hos notebook to the page it was opened and started reading. Niall rarely shared his writing with random people until it was a final product and all the songs I had heard was because I had crept on him somehow. I was not proud of it but at the same time, he never really seemed angry about it. I remembered that time when we were all at his place and I had followed the sound of his guitar until I practically fell in the room like a loser as he was playing a song. At that time, I had thought it was about Heidi but now that I knew it was about me, I wished I could remember what the lyrics were. All I could remember was that I had deeply hoped that it was for me. That thought made something twist in my chest and I licked my lips before letting my eyes roam on the words I was probably not supposed to see.

"I want the world to witness When we finally say I do It's the way you love I gotta give it back to you I can't promise picket fences Or sunny afternoons But, at night when I close my eyes"

A lot of words seemed to be scratched a few times and then I could read something that seemed like a chorus.

"Yeah, I see us in black and white Crystal clear on a star lit night In all your gorgeous colors I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life See you standing in your dress Swear in front of all our friends There'll never be another I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life"

I swallowed and ran my fingers on the ink, feeling the tiny rifts and bumps in the paper and feeling my heart beating so fast in my chest that I had a hard time to breathe.

"Now, we're sitting here in your living room Telling stories while we share a drink or two And there's a vision I've been holding in my mind We're 65 and you ask "When did I first know?" I always knew."

And just when I thought it was probably not about me, I saw a word that was also scratched at the end of the lyrics and I could swear it started with a capital O. I grabbed the notebook, moving it up and putting the simple sheet where the song was written in the light. It appeared clearly. My name at the bottom. I didn't know why it was crossed out and I was not sure I wanted to know. but as I re-read the lyrics for the tenth time, I couldn't lie to myself anymore. It was a wedding song.

After a few minutes, I finally started moving again. I cleaned the living room, washed the dishes, started laundry and even started cleaning the windows. All while thinking about the song, the lyrics hitting inside my brain and doing something incredible to my heart : something I hadn't felt ever before. I would never tell him but if Niall asked me to marry him at this exact moment, I would say yes. Was it because of the great time we had the night before? Or maybe because we were so happy together these days? I had no idea. But I knew I'd say yes in a heartbeat. Tomorrow, I couldn't tell you what my answer would be but today? It would be a million times yes.

I saw him walk behind me in the reflection of the now extra clean windows and my lips immediately curled. He placed himself behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and leaning his chin on my shoulder, and suddenly, I felt so much better than I did only a few minutes ago, even if I was still happy before.

"You should have waken me up." he whispered in my ear. "I would have helped you. Especially that you're cleaning wearing only a shirt and panties. I'd love to see you on all four as you clean the floor."

I laughed and raised my nose up as he kissed a spot near my ear. It was not only my love for him that made my heart jump when he was near, it was more than that. It was who he was, who I hoped he would always be.

"Tell me you'll always do that, that you'll always say things like that."

He pulled away slightly and turned his head more to look at me. I waited for his answer but he was waiting for me to look at him and I gave in, my eyes finally meeting his.

"Hold you? Kiss you? Tell you that I love and lust you?" he asked low, raising his eyebrows. I bit my bottom lip and nodded. "I promise. I swear. You have my words. And my heart. And my body, soul and mind."

My traits softened and I turned in his arms to face him, wrapping mine around his neck, moving my chin up to kiss him. He pushed me gently against the window as we kissed and I felt my butt press against it, making me chuckle.

"I'm gonna have to clean that window again." I let out with a smile as he chuckled against my lips.

"Or, you know, we can leave it like that." he proposed, shrugging a shoulder. "Your butt print seems like a nice decoration."

I'm the one who laughed this time. "You? Leaving a dirty window without touching it? Who are you trying to fool, Horan?"

"Don't call me that." he just said in a serious tone, raising his eyebrows.

"Or what?"I asked, teasing him with a sassy voice.

"Or I'm gonna tickle you." he pointed out, making my heart skip a beat. "I'm gonna tickle you until you beg me to stop."

"Sure, Horan." I tried to provoke him, putting emphasis on his last name.

He stared at me for a few seconds but suddenly and quickly, he picked me up and brought me to the couch. I was surprised that he could actually support my weight and he finally let me fall on the couch as I bounced on the cushions but he quickly straddled me, grabbing my wrists and pulling them over my head. When was the last time we played like that? It had been so long I couldn't remember.

"Apologize now." he ordered, looking down at me.

I could feel his grip tighten on my wrists and I licked my lips. "Never."

"Last chance." he let out, making me smirk.

"Bite me, Horan."

Quickly, he brought his free hand to my waist and started tickling me. Immediately, I started squirming, trying to get out of his grip as I let out a few high pitched yells. It made him laugh and it made me remember how much I hated to be tickled. After a while, he stopped and my lips parted as I started panting.

"You looking like that? God. Makes me want to tie you up and have my way with you."

I let out a short laughter and he started tickling me again until I started screaming his name.

"Niall! Niall stop! I c-can't!"

He did as I asked and smirked. "Beg me." he let out, shaking his eyebrows. "Apologize and beg me."

"Mm, I'm so sorry, Niall." I whispered with puppy eyes. "Please I'm begging you, stop tickling me?"

"Don't you fucking pout like that, it makes me want to fuck your mouth."

I laughed louder this time, tilting my head back slightly and closing my eyes as I felt his hand run up my breasts.

"And you say I'm the horny one!"

"Heyyy!" he argued with a frown. "I fingered you last night and I didn't cum at all, remember?"

My smirk disappeared and I just smiled at him. "You want to cum now?"

He groaned and raised his nose up. "I feel like all we do is fuck."

I shrugged and he finally let go of my wrists. I brought my hands to his pants and slid one in them, raising my eyebrows again but in surprise this time.

"You went commando?"

He didn't answer. Instead, he reached for my shirt and moved it up to expose my breasts as I took his cock out of his pants, stroking him slowly with both my hands. He breathed in and then out, letting out a very short whimper and one of his hands moved back to reach between my legs. He moved two of his fingertips on my panties, brushing against my clit and I pressed my lips together. I tried to focus on what my hands were doing and spit on his cock before running my fingers right under his tip. He groaned and brought his hand back to grab one of my breasts hard and I started stroking him harder.

"That feels so fucking good." he admitted, running his thumb on my nipple. "I tried doing that to myself and it just doesn't work. It has to be your hands."

I didn't tell him but it probably could have been anyone's hands except his and even if he probably knew it, I didn't want to point it out just in case. He took his cock in his hands, making me hold my breath and take my hands away and quickly, he tapped his cock on my tits before rubbing his tip on my nipples.

"Please, petal, push your tits together."

My heart jumped so high in my chest that I had to swallow it back.

"Niall, I don't think my boobs are big enough to-"

"Do it." he cut me.

I bit my bottom lip and did as he asked, just watching him spit in his hand and rub his cock again. My lips parted when he put his cock between my breasts and he was so focused on what he was doing that he didn't even look at me again. I could pretend otherwise but watching him using me to cum was actually exciting and when he groaned, I pressed my thighs together as I felt my pussy throb. I loved the feeling of his cock sliding quickly between my breasts and the thought in itself was driving me insane. After a while, he took his dick back in his hand and started jerking off harder until his lips parted.

"Jesus Christ." he whispered as I held my breath.

He shook slightly over me, moaning low as his cum spurted on my chest and breasts. I just remained motionless as he came down from his high, letting out a low 'fuck" and rubbing his tip on my nipples again, spreading his cum on me.

He sighed and sat on me, putting his cock back in his pants as I stared at him and he shook his head.

"I'm so.. so sorry. I was just so..."

"Horny? Yea I noticed." I chuckled, letting my lips curl as he finally looked back at me.

"I didn't really give you much attention, did I?" he asked, raising his nose up. I could read guilt on his face and my lips curled. "I'm sorry, pet."

"I'm just... I'm glad I made you cum. Didn't think that would be so exciting, but it was." I admitted, pulling my shirt back over my breasts as he laughed. "Also didn't think it was possible with my boobs."

"Your boobs are perfect." he pointed out before getting up and holding his hand out for me.

I put my hand in his and his fingers gripped mine as he helped me get up, letting his eyes roam on my face. He bent down to kiss me and I closed my eyes at the way it made my heart jump in my chest.

"Lazy day yea?" he proposed in a breath, his mouth still pressed against mine. "You go take a shower and I'll close all the curtains, find a good tv show to binge on netflix, and order something, chinese maybe?"

I nodded quickly and smiled. "That sounds perfect."

I took a quick shower and put on a pair of his sweatpants and one of his shirts and when I got back in the living room, he had brought pillows and blankets, a few beers and was waiting for me with the remote in hands. I stared at him for a while, just trying to live the moment and realize how lucky I was, before finally sitting next to him. He looked up at me with a smile and I pushed the pillows away to lean against his chest as his back was against the side of the couch. His legs were spread but they moved a bit close to both my sides, kind of to trap me close to him. He tried to put the blanket over us and I helped him before squirming slightly to be more comfortable.

"Hey, watch the goods, yea?"

I laughed but still took care of where I was moving and he wrapped one of his arms around me.

"Remember this spot because food will be there in half an hour and we're gonna have to do it all over again." he said, making me groan and making him laugh. "Seriously though, it feels good to have you here with me just to have a lazy day."

I felt my heart swell and smiled more, turning to kiss his jaw gently. He looked down and his lips met mine and he deepened the kiss just as the first episode of a series we both wanted to watch started.

"How will I be able to focus on anything but you today, mm?" I let out, half-joking.

He rolled his eyes with a low chuckle and we both focused on the tv for a while. I groaned when the doorbell rang and he laughed again. I sat up to let him get up and when he came back with the food, I realized how hungry I was. we ate again in silence but I couldn't stop glancing at him. There was something endearing in the way he used his chopsticks to push the noddles in his mouth and I only realized I was staring when he turned his gaze to me and chuckled. I blinked a few times and looked away as he swallowed his food.

"It's okay, you can stare. I stare at you too, you know. You just don't notice."

I felt my heart jump in my chest and put my food away.

"Just like I stared at you for about twenty minutes in the middle of the night." I confessed, making him frown. "You were sitting here, in only your boxers, and you were writing. You were so focused on what you were doing that you never noticed me."

I couldn't add that I had found him gorgeous with his messy hair and his tired eyes. I couldn't say that I had felt a wave of love so strong that I almost started crying. I couldn't tell him that because it still embarrassed me to be so in love with him. Not because I didn't want to be, but because I was scared I would end up losing him again.

His lips curled into a smile and he pushed the air out of his lungs. "I was writing a song. For you. About you."

My lips crashed against his and he replied to the kiss quickly, pushing his tongue deep in my mouth as I whimpered. He didn't know that I had read it and I suddenly felt guilty but he literally confirmed that his lyrics were about me and somehow, it made me ecstatic. So ecstatic that I surprised myself wishing he'd ask me to marry him as soon as our lips would part.

"I didn't know if I should tell you but, Olivia, I'm so happy we're both single right now. I know it's wrong to say that but fuck, I'm happy with you. Just you and I. No guilt, no stress, no question. You and me, living this moment."

I kissed him again, not knowing what to answer. I was happy too. I was happier than I had ever been, even before we broke up, and I didn't want anything to change. I didn't want to jinx this by claiming my happiness out loud. I didn't want to risk this happiness with an official relationship because last time didn't end well. It was ridiculous. All my fears made no sense, but it didn't make them vanish to know that.

"I love you, Niall." I whispered, leaving small kisses slowly on his mouth, jaw and cheeks. "I love you more than anything. No one is you."

He finally let go of his chopsticks to cup my face and he breathed in before his mouth found mine again.

"I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life." he murmured quickly before kissing me again.

My heart jumped when I recognized the lyrics and it made me wonder how often he talked to me with his own lyrics. I wanted to hear all of them. One time, twice, three times... a hundred fucking times. I wanted him to play me all the songs that were for me, to sing them, to whisper them, to yell them. I wanted him to make love to me while he'd do it, to hold my hand as we walked outside as he'd sing, to fucking marry me as he'd yell. I wanted him to claim his love for me until I'd be tired to hear it. And deep down, I knew I'd never be.

"I have a weekend left before I leave for tour." he just said sadly, breaking my heart. "I thought we could leave. Pack a bag, take the road, only you and me, for a few days."

My lips curled so much that my cheeks started hurting and I quickly nodded. I really wanted to spend quality time with him while it was still possible and I kissed his lips again.

"That's a yes?" he made sure as I nodded. "Okay then, we're leaving in 3 days. So cancel all the plans you had."

I laughed and licked my lips, licking his at the same time because of the proximity of our mouths.

"Niall? I'm sorry, I had planned to spend all my days with you but this super hot guy just asked me on a road trip so I'm gonna have to rain check."

He laughed and shook his head slightly. "Dork."

He pulled away slightly to stare at me as we completely forgot the show playing. I grabbed the remote and put it on pause before looking back at him and tilting my head. I needed him more than I ever needed him before and it was scaring me so bad I could feel my heart trying to escape my rib cage in intense thumps.

"Tell me you love me." I whispered as I bit my bottom lip nervously. "Please, Niall."

His face changed and he moved closer. I thought he'd kiss me again but instead, he got serious and I felt him grab my hands.

"I love you, Olivia. I'm in love with you. I never stopped, not one second. And I never will. Do you want me to repeat it every day? At which frequency? Every 6 hours? 4 hours? Two? I'll put a damn alarm on my phone to tell you in the middle of the night if I have to." he said in a soft tone. "I know it was different when we dated, but I will never let you believe that you are not perfect the way you are, that you are not everything I want and need, or that you are not loved. Never again. I swear, Olivia. I fucking love you."

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