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cloudsmateria · 4 months

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college roommate - leon kennedy x reader

nerdy!reader x leon kennedy

synopsis: you and leon have just started university, finding yourself in the same university visit, he comes and visits your dorm as he's been struggling in his classes. you kick it off, and you invite each other into your different, interesting lives.

words: like 4500

disclaimer: this isn't proof-read and i actually do need to proofread it and i will when i finish it, this also isn't finished. so if u don't wanna read it now and wanna come back to it when it's pristine and complete be my guest, the edit of this will be very edited like literally whole chunks of texts will be different, i just wanted to post something

content warning: kissing, bit of angst, slight smut/almost smut, sexual themes

A loud knock rings through your door, if it had come even a second later you wouldn’t have heard it at all as you were on a one-way path to passing out on top of your notes.

“Come in.” You mumble, picking your head up off of the desk and watching as a dirt-blonde hunk of a boy you don’t recognise comes through. Maybe it’s one of the frat boys trying to get to know all the girls in his dorm house.

“Hey. Can I ask a favour?”

“Who are you?”

"I'm Leon, I saw you in my engineering lecture the other day and you looked like you understood what was going on. Then I found out you were in my university building. So here, I am. Help. Please. I’m going to fail and we’re only 3 weeks in." His desperation makes you laugh, something you were shocked you could do in this dazed state after a mind-boggling 8 hours of completing work.

"Oh Leon, I'd love to but I think if I even think about that engineering class for another second right now I might actually drop down and die."

"It can wait, you busy right now? Other than you know, spilling drool all over your papers?”

“Yeah, I was just about to go spill some on my pillow too, I'm exhausted." You say, not entirely joking, and begin to gather your things.

“I get it.”

“We have another engineering lecture tomorrow anyway so you can just catch me then."

"You sure, though? I mean I'm already here." He shrugs and picks up a book from her bookshelf. "How do you read any of these? There are no pictures." You laugh again.

"You're asking me how I read physics books when you take engineering… Are you sure you picked the right course? You know, you can read it if you want, and would probably benefit from it. If you can even read."

"No thanks, I'll just get you to teach it to me tomrrow. I’ll see you in a bit, Einstein.”

"You should watch what you call me if you want me to tutor you, that’s usually not free."

"Oh, but the thing is I don't think you're actually going to make me pay for anything. You're too nice for that."

"That's a very bold statement to make to a stranger."

"You'll come round eventually."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"Can I just ask you another question? I'm not going to stop annoying you until you answer it the way I want you to."

"Go on." You sigh.

"Have you eaten today? Cause I haven't and I'm hungry."

"Leon-"

"Please."

"Okay, okay, God, you're persistent. Gonna give me a headache." You groan and sit up.

"It’s worth it, you'll need me to keep you sane later in the year."

"Oh really? You think we’re gonna stay friends that long?"

"I know you've got your nerdy brain, but I've been told I have a great personality." You can't tell if he's implying something with that disgustingly stupid joke or if he really is just an idiot. To be fair, he's funny and managed to pull you out your the room you had been hibernating in for the past few days to get ahead of work. You suppose there are worse people you could be forced to talk to.

"Whatever. Just get out of here." You push him towards the door.

"You're not going to eat with me?" You roll your eyes and lock the door, getting dressed into something that wasn't your pyjamas.

…

Now here you were, eating outside with this boy from your lectures when you had just wanted to be at home sleeping. Although it was nicer than you thought it would be, he had insisted on buying you an energy drink to keep your eyes open as you were eating in some random burger shop.

"How come you're struggling?"

"Been going to too many parties, I've got different priorities."

"..."

"What?" He says defensively.

"Don't make me slap you. You can't be stupid because you got into this university, you're wasting your potential."

"I am not!"

"You're struggling! We're only 3 weeks in! I mean, come on, Leon."

"I don't understand what your problem is, maybe you need to live a little."

"That is rich coming from you. You're going to peak in college and fuck up the rest of your life if you ruin your chance now. And I live fine right now, I go out often enough and put the rest of my time toward my course, like a responsible human being."

"So you're boring?"

"So you're an idiot and can't plan for the future?"

"No, I'm not." He smirks. "And also, I never said I couldn't plan for the future, just that it isn't the only thing I want to focus on."

"Okay, fine, that's it. This is your problem, I'm not tutoring you."

"Got under your skin?" He smiles.

"I'm serious. You're smart if you got into this school, but you're wasting your talent partying and sleeping around."

“You’ve only known me for 20 minutes and you’ve managed to start an argument.”

“I just don’t want to waste my time. If you want me to help with assignments you need to make an effort, and if you want to be my friend, you’re also going to need to make an effort because I’m not going to care about someone who can’t even care about themselves.”

"I care about myself. Why else would I come to you for help on this?"

"Because you can't do it yourself and your friends are too stupid to ask them for help."

"No... Well... Okay fine, yeah that sounds pretty accurate. But in all honesty, I do care about my grade, that's why I'm coming to you. Now you know my intentions, I beg talk about something else, this entire conversation is reminding me of my mom."

"Like what?"

"Like, there's a party next Saturday, and I think you should come with me. You’re pretty entertaining."

"Oh, Leon. You're so clueless, it's pitiful."

"You have to go to the party, it will be fun."

"I have been to parties, I've gone to 2 since the start of the semester. But we have assignments to work on this week."

"One more little party isn't going to kill you. It'll be good, and then we can do the work."

"That's a very backward mindset."

"You'll thank me, trust me."

"You say the reason you’re struggling is because you’re going to many parties, and immediately proceed to invite me to a party." You shake your head and laugh. “You are something else.”

“So are you coming?”

“I’ll think about it.”

…

You and Leon had been going to the lectures together ever since, having lunch at points when he wasn’t hoarded by his friends and even managing a few study sessions into his schedule. You came 5 minutes early for the engineering lecture the next day. Flipping through the textbook notes to top up on your pre-reading beforehand, you had right at the back as Leon begged you to over text the previous night to sit there rather than the front so he’d feel comfortable sitting next to you. It doesn't take long for people to start filtering in, and eventually, that blonde-headed boy pops up next to you, leaning his head on your shoulder immediately.

"Didn't get enough sleep last night." He mutters.

"Up studying?"

"You know me so well."

“I'm not even going to ask what you were doing." You sigh, fully believing he had either gone clubbing or to another party last night.

"I promise you, I was studying. And you can ask me all the questions you want, I'll try my best to answer. I did go a little off track and I'm not doing well at it but your inspirational speech convinced me to try a bit."

"Really?" You ask excitedly, looking down at him. "Leon, that's great!" You feel his cheeks crease into a smile against your shoulder at your enthusiasm.

"You're more excited about it than I am, that's cute." He chuckles. "Keep talking, my head hurts, your voice helps."

"The lecture starts soon."

"Don't care."

"I’m not going to talk over the lecturer." You say, flicking his forehead.

"It's just a lot, okay? I'm trying my best, but I might have reached my full capacity last night." He sits up and sighs, rubbing his temples.

“Welcome to university."

"Yeah, whatever. Can we go back to your room after?"

"Sure."

"Thank you."

"Of course."

The professor finally steps into the lecture hall, and everyone quiets down, preparing for the lesson.

Halfway through, Leon couldn't help but pass out on you again. Your body went rigid, trying to make sure his head wouldn't fall off your shoulder. You pick the paper off of his desk, dragging it toward you as you start to write notes on your own and his paper so he won't miss out on anything.

He's surprisingly cute when he's not cracking annoying jokes and snapping back with snarky remarks. He was even making you lose track of the lecture a bit.

After class, you wake him up and walk him back to your dorm with him, chatting and catching him up on what he missed briefly. When you think about it, you're surprised you only met him yesterday. He feels like someone you've known since secondary school, or maybe he just treats everyone this way. Either way, you wouldn't complain about spending time with him.

"So, we're alone. What do we do?"

"Study?" You say, throwing him a pencil and paper. "Don't ask me stupid questions like that again."

"Come on, we just got out of an hour lecture, we basically already studied."

"A lecture that you slept for half of-"

"And that you caught me up on after."

"We need to make up the time. Now come on, let's work."

"But-"

"Now, Leon."

"Ugh."

…

The next hour wasn't as bad as you had expected it to be, you could still get your work done while simultaneously teaching Leon that content he missed out on. His demeanour quickly became enthusiastic when he saw how proud you were when you understood a concept, and you were genuinely impressed, he caught onto things quickly. After an hour, you both took a break sitting on your bed, him replying to some messages on his phone.

"Hey." You say, poking his arm to draw his attention.

"What?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Making the effort to try, even if it is just a little bit."

"You're definitely making more effort than me." He smiles, leaning his head on your shoulder again.

"If you want to sleep you should just go home, you must be exhausted."

"I'm not leaving you in this depressing room, I'm keeping you company."

"I’m not keeping you from anything? Your phone was blowing up a second ago I assume you have somewhere to be."

"They can wait, I want to stay around for a bit longer. I like the change for once."

"Change?"

"It's quiet, I can think for once. You’re different from the people I’m around smart and stubborn,”

“So you’re aware of the poor choice of people you hang around, you had me fooled for a while.”

“Wait I’m not done, and even after all of that, I can tell that you're a little shy which is adorable. Oh, and my favourite part is how easy you are to annoy."

"I am not."

"You're blushing right now, I can feel your cheek getting hot. Adorable."

"Don’t you even close your mouth?"

"You know I can't, come on, it's not like you mind."

"Oh my god."

"Admit it, I'm fun to be around."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Tell me what you think of me."

"What?"

"Tell me, come on. Please, I'm dying for validation."

"Well. You're nice, and I've never seen you without a smile on your face, it's refreshing.”

“A little more… I know you got it in you.”

“You're not as stupid as you make yourself out to be,. And I honestly can't tell if I'm special or if you treat everyone else this way because you make me feel way more important than I really would be for someone like you."

"You're special, trust me. And that's a stupid question to ask. Do you want a list of the people I've met? The people I’ve made friends with?"

"What?"

"I can count on one hand the real people I've managed to keep around and one of those is my dog. Don't worry about that, because I know you’re gonna be on that list too. I know you think that I have so many friends and I'm surrounded by people all the time, but they're all fake. They're just fun for parties and clubbing when you have nothing else to do."

"But-"

"It's true." He looks at you, his expression becoming serious for the first time since you've met him. "And I've got to tell you, you're different."

"Different?"

"Yeah, you're interesting. You're not fake, and you're actually doing something with your life."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that, I think you’ve just surrounded yourself with one particular type of person, and now you’re shocked when you meet someone who’s not an idiot."

"Come on, I've seen the work you've done in these past 24 hours. You were working for at least 25 of them.”

"You know how to flatter me."

"That's another reason why you should hang out with me more."

"Oh, and why's that?"

"I'm not afraid to admit how much I like you, Einstein. Makes you feel good, doesn’t it?"

"I can't even think about what I should say to that." You say, laughing and burying your head in your hands. "God, you're a mess."

“I suppose, yeah. You’re changing that though.” He lifts your chin up to face him, smiling at your red cheeks. “See? So cute.”

"Why do you have to keep saying things like that?"

"Because you react this way." He grins.

"I hate you."

"Let me ask you something again. Are you going to go to the party on Saturday?"

"I don’t think so."

“Since I’ve got the chance, I think I can change your mind.” He smiles and pulls your face a little closer, close enough for him to feel your shallow breaths against his lips.

"I-" You can't find any words, you're stunned. He's gorgeous, and you can't deny that, but the idea of kissing him feels wrong, you can't do it. Not right now. The thought of getting with someone you're starting to have feelings for is setting off alarm bells, the alarm bells imprinted by your bad experiences from secondary school of guys playing with your emotions. No matter how much your heart is screaming you want to, your mind is screaming no.

"You're gonna go with me right?" He whispers.

"Okay." You say hoarsely, your legs desperately pressed together.

"Good girl." He smiles, getting up and putting his shoes on. "I'll see you on Saturday." He says, before leaving.

"I'm screwed." You mutter.

…

Saturday finally rolled around. You weren't even sure how much time you spent with Leon the day before, but you knew you wanted more. This was starting to become a concern for you. You remember last year, when you were hurt so bad you pledged to never fall for someone again. You can't do this, not with him. You know Leon is exactly that kind of guy, he’s charming, an athlete, with too many friends for his own good, someone who has no reason to be associated with you unless he wanted something, and was patient when it came to getting it.

And yet, here you were, wearing a simple little black dress and the heels Leon said would match. You pray that the feelings are cut off here, hopefully he sees you as just a friend and just likes to tease. But a little part of you has a sliver of hope that maybe this is real.

Leon came to pick you up from your room, as he was only a floor away. When you opened the door you were met with Leon dressed in a black bottom down with the top two buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up which definitely made you feel some kind of way.

"Leon, hi." You say, overly aware of the fabric hugging your skin, you rarely wore tight clothes.

"Wow." His eyes were stuck to everything that wasn't your face.

"Hey! My eyes are on my face, not my chest."

"I know."

"Leon!"

"Just admiring the view." You ended up crossing your arms to try and hide a bit of your figure.

"Can you stop looking?"

"You look great, don't worry." He says.

"Whatever."

"No, I'm serious. I mean it, you look amazing. Just relax and have fun, okay?" He puts his arm around your waist, pulling you close. "You look hot. And it's only going to get better. Just try to have a good time, I'll be by your side the whole time.”

"I've been to a party before, you don't need to baby me."

"I know it’s just this one is a big one. They always end in a mess. I've had a couple of close calls with the police."

"That's not what I'm worried about." I'm worried about what I might end up doing with you, she thinks.

"Just tell me if anything makes you uncomfortable and we can go." He smiles and leads you out of the dorm building and into the street.

"How far is it?"

"Only a few minutes away." He says, leading you along the sidewalk.

The walk wasn't too far, it was about 20 minutes of you both drinking from a wine bottle for some pre-game. Time seemed to fly by as you came to the house. Whoever was hosting this party, probably one of Leon's friends no doubt, was rich. The house was huge and the whole thing was vibrating with the music that blasted through it.

"We're here."

"I think it’s going to collapse.."

"Wait until you see inside." He grabs your hand and drags you in, the house packed. You didn't recognise anyone and felt a little intimidated as Leon led you through the crowd of people, pushing them aside. You couldn't believe there were this many students in the town.

He stops at the kitchen, handing you a drink. You hadn't gone to a party this big before, and that was voluntary, this was just too much. You drink it in one to hopefully get you drunk enough to gain a bit of confidence and hand it back to Leon for it to get refilled.

"I didn't know there were this many people here."

"There's usually a lot." He smiles, handing her another drink. "Don't worry, I'll be with you the whole night. You take a shot before starting to sip on the more tame drink Leon had gotten.

"What do you want to do first?"

"Let’s go find some of my friends.He says, taking your hand and dragging you through the sea of people, most likely dancing, grinding, or drinking.

He pulls you into the living room, finding his friends from one of the lectures and joining in on their conversation. You're introduced and you talk with them, they're all quite funny and sweet. You were happy to have found a fun little group.

The rest of the night is spent with them, the five of you getting progressively drunker and drunker and talking about more and more stupid shit before someone suggests the group should go and dance, you immediately go and hide behind Leon.

"Dancing is definitely not my thing." You whisper.

"You have to come."

"No way."

"Please." He says, looking into your eyes.

"Why?"

"I want you to."

"Leon."

"If you hate it, I'll make it up to you. Please." He whispers, and you sigh, giving in. "I know you'll enjoy it." He smiles and leads her by the hand into the living room where everyone is.

"Everyone's too drunk to be paying any attention anyway." He says, and the group joins in on the dance.

After a few more drinks the alcohol started to hit.

"Isn't so bad, is it?" He says after the first few minutes, watching you find your rhythm.

"No, it's fun."

"See, told you."

"Don't let it go to your head, I'm just drunk."

He smiles, spinning you so your back is pressed against his, the two of you continue to dance. He leans down and kisses your shoulder, wrapping his arms around your waist and grinding into you.

"Leon-"

"It's hard to control myself with you, almost kissed you that time I convinced you to come to this party, could tell you weren’t sure though."

"Because I thought we were just friends."

"That never lasts long, does it? Did you really think it was going to stay that way forever?" He says, running his hand down your thigh.

"We're drunk." You mumble, leaning your head back onto his shoulder. God, you wanted it. You were trying with everything you had to rationalise with yourself. He knew what he was doing.

"That doesn't change the fact that you're irresistible. And that's not the alcohol talking. I've been wanting to do this for a while."

He smirks, spinning her back around to face him and lifting you up, your legs wrapping around his waist.

"Let's go upstairs,"

"Leon-"

"Shh." He puts a finger over her lips and leads her away, finding the stairs and walking up. “Stop doubting yourself. One thing about you is that you always say no, or doubt yourself, let’s change that for once.”

He takes you to the first room he finds, happening to be a bathroom, opening the door and stepping in, kicking it closed and locking it. He sets you down and starts to kiss you, the alcohol making it a lot more forceful than usual. You kiss back, letting him guide you and set the pace, his hands sliding over her body.

"You're so fucking beautiful." He mutters, his lips trailing down to your neck. You feel the pressure of his hands pushing you backwards. Your back hits the counter, he lifts you up and settles himself between your thighs.

"Leon-"

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure? About me?"

"Yes." He smiles, lifting his head. "Now stop doubting yourself, will you? You're too perfect for that." If you were sober, your mind would've had red lights blaring, trying to protect you, but the alcohol flattened out all thoughts. A hint of doubt crossed your mind instinctually. But his touch is so good, and he's making you feel things that you haven't in a long time.

"I-"

"Come on, tell me how much you want me."

"I really like you, Leon. It's just...I have this feeling that I'll get hurt."

"What are you so afraid of? What can I do to change your mind?" He whispers. "I'll do anything for you." He says, pulling your head down to kiss him. The sweet nothings bring back some bad memories, it's starting to feel a bit like deja vu.

"I've been hurt before, Leon."

"What's his name? I'll kick his ass."

"It was in high school, but it happened too many times."

"You have to stop thinking, just focus on me, okay?"

"Leon."

"Come on." He sighs, pressing a finger to your lips. "I won't let anything bad happen to you. I don't want to lose something because someone in your past ruined everything for you, okay?"

"I don't know."

He sighs. "Do you wanna head home ?"

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not upset. Come on, I'll take you back."

"I didn't mean to ruin the night."

"No, I'm not letting you leave thinking you ruined it. I'm sure a million more parties are happening this week if you feel so bad."

"I'm a mess, Leon. Why do you even like me? I'm not worth it."

"Of course you are." He says, cupping your cheek."You're the only person I can stand to be around for hours while sober. And you can't argue with that."

"Okay."

"I'll get us out of here and you can crash in my room."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Now come on, we're leaving."

...

The taxi ride home was short and sweet, but still awkward. You were scared he'd be mad at you for ending the night so abruptly, but when you got into the room he made sure to put his arm around you, whispering reassurement into your ear, stroking your hair.

"You don't have to worry. I'm not angry."

"Really?"

"I don't blame you for wanting to wait."

"It's just, the last time-"

"I'm not him, you can trust me. I've been trying to prove that to you."

"I think... Maybe I can learn to trust you."

"You will, eventually." He says, holding his arms open, gesturing for her to cuddle with him.

"Thank you."

"Anytime."

You cuddle him for a bit, the silence being cut by the sound of the two of you breathing. Leon leans down to kiss capture your lips softly, it feels a lot easier to kiss him back, pressing your body against him.

"I don't know why anyone would ever hurt you." He whispers between kisses. "You're perfect." He runs his fingers through your hair.

"I don't know about that."

"I don't know why you doubt yourself either. Go to sleep, you'll feel better in the morning."

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genericpuff · 3 months

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This has been buggibg me for a while. What is the reason why Rachel dehumanizing nymphs?

Cause from what I'm seeing the nymphs getting the most screen time is Daphne, Minthe, Thetis, Psyche and a little bit of Leuce and Echo.

4 out of the 6 nymphs we see are very open in their sex appeal and flirty. Yet for some reason they get discriminated when Hera, Persophone, and Aphrodite do the same thing but get a pass because the are white coded rich people.

For my knowledge (but I could be wrong if so please correct me) nymphs are known to be seductive and sexy but they were well respected just like any other God. They were given given sacrifices to please them.

Is this just another case of Rachel being the so-called "folkorists" who has done the first Google link she see or could there just be how she interprets then but like the rest of her story misses the mark?

So there are a couple different and equally interesting theories on this.

Rachel has established it as canon that the nymphs are lower class. And there are a lot of stereotypes and prejudices against lower class women going into sex work, which we see in LO through characters like Minthe who work as car girls (notice how in the present story Thetis and Minthe are both personal assistants which is also a role that's commonly stereotyped as "the boss' sidepiece" as it's a role often occupied by women in service to men). Even Leuce isn't safe from this:

Normally I'd just say "good for her" but it's clear with how much Leuce has been turned into the delusional girl who "manifests" her fantasies that Rachel is once again conflating sexuality with more negatively-associated character traits for any woman who isn't Persephone (because when it's Persephone it's sexual liberation always, she's not a "sugar baby", she's a "workaholic" who "earned her position and wealth", but when it's Leuce or Minthe or Thetis they're "homewreckers") And yeah, this is a common disconnect that happens between lower class and upper class people, where lower class people (especially women) are often judged and outcast for doing certain things or behaving a certain way which rich upper class people take and adopt and turn into something "trendy" and "empowering".

But there's... another theory that may explain why so many nymphs in the story are being pigeonholed into the "homewrecking sugar babies" stereotype. And you're gonna hate me for this, because I'm sure the gut reaction to reading this from many is gonna be "goddamit not Lolita again!" buuuttt yeah we're gonna talk about Lolita again.

CONTENT WARNING: We're talking about Lolita again, which means discussion surrounding the sexualization of minors is ahead.

There's a certain term the main character of the book Humbert Humbert uses to describe girls who are specifically, and I quote:

"Between the age limits of nine and fourteen there occur maidens who, to certain bewitched travellers, twice or many times older than they, reveal their true nature which is not human, but nymphic (that is, demoniac); and these chosen creatures I propose to designate as 'nymphets'." - Lolita, Chapter 5, Page 18, paragraph 5

It's also very clear from the way Nabokov specifies the definition of nymphet from Humbert Humbert's perspective that the use of the word 'nymphet' is intentionally referencing the root word of Greek origin:

"...I would have the reader see 'nine' and 'fourteen' as the boundaries - the mirrory beaches and rosy rocks - of an enchanted island haunted by those nymphets of mine and surrounded by a vast, misty sea. Between those age limits, are all girl-children nymphets? Of course not. Otherwise we who are in the know, we lone voyagers, we nympholepts, would have long gone insane."

Though Humbert Humbert is obviously not being literal here, the visual metaphor is strongly relying on the etymology of the word 'nymph', but twisting the depiction of nymphs in such a way to support his own fantasies.

And while I'm definitely not trying to accuse Rachel of having the same mindset of Humbert Humbert (seriously, I want to make it clear that I don't think Rachel is a pedophile, just horribly misled at best), it's interesting to me how this specific definition of a nymphet matches with that of Rachel's old descriptions of her own art:

"You have to be an artist and a madman, a creature of infinite melancholy, with a bubble of hot poison in your loins and a super-voluptuous flame permanently aglow in your subtle spine (oh, how you have to cringe and hide!), in order to discern at once, by ineffable signs - the slightly feline outline of a cheekbone, the slenderness of a downy limb, and other indices which despair and shame and tears of tenderness forbid me to tabulate - the little deadly demon among the wholesome children; she stands unrecognized by them and unconscious herself of her fantastic power."

What's interesting is that I did dig up an old profile of Rachel's that actually acknowledged that what she's doing with her art shouldn't be conflated with, well... child porn.

"It's not THAT kind of lolita" and yet the writing feels like it's been smeared all over the wall with shit. There are so many scenes and artistic choices throughout LO that scream "it is that kind of lolita".

Though it is still a theory, and I don't resort to using Rachel's old art of "proof" of LO's shortcomings, I don't think it should necessarily be ignored that the nymphs in LO seem to be characterized very similarly to Humbert Humbert's description of 'nymphets' - devious and promiscuous, and thus easier to blame when predatory men pursue them, rather than holding those predatory men accountable. And we see this in Persephone too, but unlike the nymphs, Persephone is rich, upper class, and of a "superior pedigree". So she becomes the desirable form of a 'nymphet' that's praised and celebrated by the narrative and characters like Hades, rather than the literal nymphs who are shamed and outcast for simply having sexual independence.

Whatever theory you roll with is on you, you can dismiss all this as just overthinking nonsense, but I do think it makes for interesting food for thought because at this point, LO is undeniably - intentionally or subconsciously - influenced by Rachel's relationship with Lolita, and whether or not that influence is aware at all of Lolita being originally written to be a precautionary tale, that remains to be seen.

#lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus #lo critical #ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything

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bachiras-toaster · 8 months

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aphrodisiacs: what a load of bullshit ~ : ̗̀➛

SATORU GOJO x f!reader

cw: smut, pills (use of the aphrodisiacs), slight breeding kink, dacryphilia

wc: 1.3k

"Four rounds? Okay, that's just insane. Two is crazy enough!" You felt your face scrunch out of disbelief towards your friend, Shoko, who was shaking a small tub of pills that fit between her thumb and forefinger. You watched with narrowed eyes at the tablets while your other best friend, Satoru, seemed to be leaned back on the bench, eyeing the tub out of pure boredom rather than interest.

"These aphrodisiac pills are no joke. I'm serious, (Y/n). I actually felt helpless at times." Shoko exclaimed, holding her hand out towards your sleeve to guide your attention to the pills; you still seemed skeptical.

"Surely it's a placebo. There's no way you can go that long without passing out."

When you tilted your lip with suspicion, Shoko only rolled her eyes and sighed before leaning back on the bench, shaking the tub lightly as she looked up towards the sky.

"I've gone multiple rounds without passing out before." Gojo commented nonchalantly, tensing his shoulders in a shrug as he stated what he believed was his fun fact. However, although he had put forth his own experiences as a way of trying to involve himself in the conversation, both you and Shoko just left him glances of dismissal.

"That's different for you. You're a man." You swiftly commented, turning your nose up at your boyfriend. "Orgasms feel different for us."

"You're telling me you've gone over four rounds before?" Shoko narrowed her eyes at the tall white-haired man, trying to figure out if she should be disgusted or impressed.

"Uh, yeah? I've gone up to seven without aphrodisiacs." He rolled his eyes.

"It's insane how you have that much stamina." Shoko muttered.

"It's (Y/n) here who doesn't have any stamina. Can't even make it past two."

You felt your face flush a little with embarrassment and you immediately went to lightly punch him in the arm, your fist surprisingly landing harshly on his sleeve.

"Sounds like you need the aphrodisiacs more than I do." Shoko saw how your face contorted a little at Satoru’s off-comment and just chuckled lightly, coolly pushing the bottle of pills into your hand and closing your palm before you could reject the offer.

"I doubt they'll have any effect. Like— How does something like this even work?" You let out a scoff as you shook the bottle yourself, flicking off the lid with your thumb and squinting your eyes to peer inside.

"Hey, don't knock it till you try it." The brunette commented.

"You know what?" You puffed your chest up confidently and tilted the entrance of the bottle into the palm of your hand, allowing the pills to roll out. "I'll even take multiple."

Your best friend watched with slightly widened eyes as you optimistically allowed three tablets to tumble into your grasp. It was a concerning amount, to say the least, however it was likely that nothing all too bad would happen to you due to the presence of your cursed energy naturally protecting your body and acting as a second immune system.

"I mean, it's on you." She shrugged, already preparing to hand you her water bottle so you could begin taking the pills.

“Hey, share with the class—“

“Hey—!”

You were caught off guard as Gojo eagerly reached his slender fingers passed the entrance of the tube to take a pill for himself, tossing it into his mouth as if it were a piece of candy- Not even bothering to take any water afterwards. The abrupt action caused a loud giggle to escape the short brunette’s lips and she pinched your cheek with amusement.

“Well, you may be in for a wild night.”

“I don’t feel anything…” You paused, your palms pressing against the skin of your face in an attempt to find any change in temperature or feeling.

“Give it a while. Maybe half an hour.”

Your eyes lingered on her as she got up from the bench and began sauntering away, leaving the bottle clenched in your hands. A short huff escaped your lips as you continued to shake your head in disbelief, your eyes scanning over the small bits of text that was just barely readable on the tube’s label.

“Yeah, right… ‘no joke’ my ass. I can’t believe she believes all this bullshit.” You murmured, tugging at the collar of your shirt as a faint heat crawled up your neck.

Though, it turns out, maybe you shouldn’t have been so cocky to your closest friend. Perhaps just two hours after that very moment, you were pinned strongly beneath one of your other close friends, Satoru, who was panting heavily at his own rapid pace. Sweat drenched the both of you as your wrapped your legs around his waist to force him closer towards you and, in turn, further inside of you. The way your thighs clenched onto his waist and your insides clenched around his cock was enough to drive him wild enough, but the sound of desperate moans and pleads for more was what really gave him his stamina.

Believe yourself when you say that you hadn’t even intended to sleep with Satoru for the purposes of fulfilling your own satisfaction, he just happened to be the only person around willing to give you what you wanted. And he was quick to say yes too, the aphrodisiacs taking its toll on him as well.

“Satoru—! Fuck— More..!” You begged, eyes forming in the corners of your eyes as your nails dragged across the skin on his back. He pumped himself further into you, his large hands landing on your waist for extra support.

“Fuck, (Y/n/n), you’re squeezing me for all I’m worth…” His voice was low and husky, still breathless from the constant snapping of his hips. “I swear you’ve come even more times than I have—“

“J’shuttup—!” You whined, your eyelashes fluttering as your hips rolled involuntarily into his. As you chased what felt like your fifth high, your body shook with that same euphoria that it had done the many times before. The both of you were practically milking each other dry, yet it didn’t satiate any of your needs for one another. One after the other, you still felt like you needed more. Every time you came, the positions switched, the fucking was relentless.

Now, as you were on all fours, taking Gojo’s entire cock into your puffy cunt as his palms gripped onto your shoulders, tears streamed down your reddened cheeks, your lips quivering with both satisfaction and fatigue. You had forgotten what hour it was now and, despite your extreme tiredness, your willingness to go on did not seem to falter. The only thing that seemed to be giving in were your legs, however your pussy still craved his attention.

“T-Tell Shoko I’m never… D-Doubting her a-again—!” You babbled through your relentless moaning, feeling the tears reach the corner of your lips.

“You tell her yourself—“ He heaved his chest, his eyes glistening with another twinkle of lust as he caught a glimpse of that creamy, white ring around the base of his cock before pushing himself into you even more violently now. “God, I love it when you’re wrong…”

“Sh-Shut up—!” You whimpered incoherently, it was clear that your multiple orgasms were affecting you more than his was affecting him.

“I never thought I’d ever get to see you cry while I get to push my cum back into you for the sixth time.” He chuckled, his palms now tightly gripping your neck as he picked up his speed. “This is my lucky day.”

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #gojo satoru #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #gojo satoru x reader smut #gojo satoru smut #gojo x reader #gojo x reader smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader smut

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starberrywander · 8 months

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If men aren't the ones holding up the patriarchy then pray tell, who is? Oppression isn't some non corporeal force, it is created and regularly enforced by the oppressive class. It is the culmination of what a class of individuals think and do that create oppression. I think you should read even just the wikipedia article for Feminism and Patriarchy.

The answer is everyone who isn't actively fighting it. Not just men. Have you really never encountered women who enforce patriarchal gender roles on their families? What about all these female GOP politicians who regularly fight against women's rights?

You are correct, oppression isn't some non-corporeal force. But its not just the actions of individuals either. It is a system and a culture. It is maintained not just by those who actively defend it but also by those who act within it complacently. It's not some cult where people have to be forced to take action to maintain it, the patriarchy is a culture that we are all raised in. It implants itself in the minds of all people who exist within it through social rules and people, all people, will act on and pass on that culture if they do not actively fight to identify and remove it from themselves.

The patriarchy is often passive; meaning it doesn't have to be actively enforced by the conscious will of individuals to have effects on us. It is woven into our environments so deeply that everyone is conditioned to act on it and pass it on, even if we are not consciously aware that is what we're doing. Just like any other cultural element, the people who live within it tend to take it for granted as facts of reality. Ever heard of implicit bias? That is how systems like these maintain themselves.

There is not some active conspiracy among men to uphold and wield the patriarchy. Its not something they, or anyone else who hasn't challenged it in themselves, are consciously thinking about and controlling. It's just a culture that people are raised to think is the natural order of things. Yes, the oppressive class (in this case men) enforce oppression, but a very significant portion of that is done without any intention to oppress. It is, again, what people have been taught by the patriarchy is the natural order. Acting like all men, by virtue of being men, are in on some scheme to oppress women is disingenuous. Some may be (Andrew Tate, for example) but your average garden variety dude is not on some mission to maintain superiority.

Think what you want about me, but I can observe the world with my own two eyes and ears and see that most men are not out to get women. More often than not their harmful behaviors are done without any knowledge or understanding of the damage they can have (Obviously I'm not referring to things like abuse and rape, before you jump to extreme conclusions.). And they are never going to gain that understanding and start pulling the weeds of patriarchy from their minds if we do not allow them to process and discuss the way patriarchy plays out in their own lives.

So yeah, you're right. Men do uphold the patriarchy. It's not just men, but they do have the largest impact. But what I feel you get wrong is this framing that they always do so consciously, that it is an active thing that they are choosing and therefore must answer for. Most of the time it is implicit bias. And the only places those biases are challenged are feminist ones. Or at least ones with feminist influence. If we keep excluding them that fact will never change and they will never stop upholding the patriarchy. They do not hold it up because they're male, they hold it up because that's all they've been taught to do. They have been raised by a culture designed to perpetuate these ideas and pass them from generation to generation.

Idk why it's not obvious to more people, but maleness is not the cause of patriarchy. The ideology of patriarchy is. And ideology can be passed on by anyone, to anyone. If we just ignore this crucial source, nothing is going to change. We are going to fight a constant uphill battle if we just assume that men are changeably in favor of this ideology and give up on rooting it out. We need to root it out. That is probably the most important step we can take toward dismantling the patriarchy right now. And the most effective way to do that is to actually discuss the patriarchy with men and allow them to express and process their perspective and experience without being driven away for their thoughts. No, this doesn't mean just tolerate prejudice silently. What it does mean is to listen, consider, empathize, and start pulling the weeds of prejudice out by challenging biased statements in a way that doesn't make them go on the defensive.

Seriously, how do you propose we end the patriarchy? What's the plan here? Because to me the most obvious course of action is to free men and women alike from the captivity of this harmful ideology until there is no one left to uphold it. And we do that by assessing all effects of the patriarchy and discussing them, including the ways they effect men. In what way would it ever be bad to better understand the patriarchy? Because that's what happens when you allow men's experiences to be discussed.

Maybe you don't see it this way, but when I think of Feminism the goal is to free all of humanity from the grips of patriarchy, not to free women from men. The problem is the culture and ideology of patriarchy, not men for wielding it. Or at very least, that's the problem we should be focusing on if we want to make any progress. I don't see how we could ever stop men from perpetuating the patriarchy if we don't make them stop believing its lies and assumptions.

#feminism #intersectional feminism #ask

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kkyaka · 5 months

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Summary: Running into someone who was a key part in making high school hell for you wasn't what you expected when you settled into college Pairing: Ukai Keishin x black!fem!reader Warnings: friends to lovers (kinda), college!au, a handful of angst, reader kinda overworks herself, ukai is whipped for reader, one random bad encounter with an oc, reader was bullied in high school and is still holding onto that LMFAO, making out, grinding, tit sucking, little bit of marking, fingering, i think that's it, if there's anymore please tell me ya girl is tired Word Count: 21,351 (oops) A/N: Um, it's been a while LMFAO. I'm honestly not very proud of this fic, but I wanted to post it anyway as kinda of gateway to getting back into posting my fics cause I have four more (maybe five) that I wanna post. This was a part of my scrapped follower event (RIP). Reblogs are appreciated, and thank you for reading if you do read this trash!

The first week of classes always makes you anxious. This semester, you’ve got some classes in buildings you’ve never been in, and you didn’t get a chance to walk the campus to find them because you moved in so late. You don’t know why the apartment you moved into decided that moving in the weekend before school started was a great idea.

Luckily, you found your first class with ease, a simple elective that you need to graduate, and you hope that the coursework won’t be too hard. You got here early just in case you had trouble finding it, so you scroll on your phone to pass the time as the class fills in. None of your friends are in this class, so you’re not waiting on anybody.

By the size of the room, it doesn’t look like the class size will be that big, so you hope that the people that are taking it with you are bearable. No one is sitting at the desks around you, and that doesn’t bother you, but what does bother you is that someone sits right next to you when there were other seats open.

You try to keep the sigh you make as silent as possible, not even giving the person a look as you keep your attention on your phone. You put it away when the professor walks in, pulling your laptop out of your backpack as she introduces herself. “Make sure you guys introduce yourselves to the people around you because you’re going to be working with them a lot this semester.”

You try to hide your annoyance, putting on a nice smile before you turn to the person that’s sitting next to you, but it drops the moment your eyes land on them. You feel something run through you that you can’t explain, grabbing the corner of your desk in a tight grip.

“You look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” he laughs, but there’s not a single part of you that finds any of this funny.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” you whisper, thankful that you’re in the back of the classroom so no one can eavesdrop.

“Why so hostile? I thought we were friends.”

“We’re far from that Ukai, and you know it.” His name feels heavy, foreign on your tongue, something you hadn’t even thought about saying in months.

Ukai Keishin. Someone that you’d never thought you’d see again. Someone who’s been haunting your past for way longer than you’d like. You thought that college would give you the chance to get away from him, and yeah sure, you picked a relatively small college, but out of all of the colleges, he picks this one? You can’t help but look over him, seeing how much he’s changed; how much he’s grown. He is not the same boy that you’ve known for so long, and you willfully ignore that part of you that wants to examine that even further.

“You’ve always been so mean to me,” he whines playfully, which makes you roll your eyes because that’s rich coming from him.

“Answer my question,” you say, hoping that you get an answer from him, and then you just go back to ignoring him.

“Same reason you are, no?”

“Why this one, specifically?” you press, looking around with your eyes for somewhere else you can sit the next time you have this class.

“You can ease up, alright? I’m being totally honest when I say I had no idea you would be here too.” It doesn’t sound like he’s lying, looking over his face before finding something else to do. You don’t bother to continue the conversation; thankfully, the professor gets the class's attention again.

She asks if anyone wants to share something about the person that they introduce themselves to, and a few people raise their hands. You sigh slowly, resting your chin on your hand after you put your elbow on the desk. After a few people have shared, she goes over the syllabus, but you’re not paying attention.

Even though you’re not looking at him, the fact that you now know he’s sitting next to you, is the only thing you can focus on. You’ve never wished for a class to be over so fast in your life so that you can just get out of here without having to speak to him again. You sigh a bit, feeling like he’s watching you, but you refuse to look over at him to confirm that.

The longer your professor talks, the more uneasy you start to feel. You knew that the class wouldn’t last the whole time today since it was the first class, but you swear that time has slowed down. You see Ukai move a little bit closer to you in the corner of your eye, and you try to act like you didn’t see it.

“When’s your next class?” you hear him whisper, but you don’t answer, only responding with a quick side-eye. You turn your attention back to the front, and you sigh in annoyance, but that’s not enough to deter him because you feel a nudge at your desk.

“Leave me alone,” you whisper, keeping your eyes forward.

“I will when you tell me.” You ball your hand into a fist, sighing again because you’re pretty sure he’s not going to mess with you anymore; figuring he just said that to get a rise out of you. You shake your head softly. It’s too fucking early for this. She’s starting to get toward the end of the syllabus, so you decide to order some food since you skipped breakfast this morning. You leave your phone on your desk while you put your laptop back into your bag, and when your eyes land on your desk, your phone is gone.

Your head immediately turns to the culprit, and he’s looking at the screen, but you can’t tell what he’s doing. “Are you a child?!” you grit, glancing at the front of the room before you try to reach for it. He’s quick to move away from you so that you can’t reach your phone, and right as your professor dismisses the class, he gives you your phone back.

You frown, thinking that he was going to put up more of a fight, and you notice how he steps closer to you when the other students are leaving the classroom, but there’s nowhere for you to move to. When the last student is out, you quickly make your way out, sliding past him when he puts distance between the two of you.

You have a class in about another hour, so you order your food before you check to see if he did anything to your phone. Nothing looks different, and he cleared your apps, covering his tracks, so you’d have to do some digging to figure out what he did. You don’t bother to find it right now, trying not to concentrate on the fact that you will now be in the same room as Ukai.

You cross your fingers that he’ll drop the class, and you could also do that, but there’s no way you’d go through with it. You had left high school with high hopes that you would never see him again, but it’s just your shitty luck that you do. He made your life a living hell before college, and you were hoping that you could start fresh, leaving all of that behind.

But how long has he been here? You’ve been here a year already and you had no clue that he was here. And even if he was, your mom would’ve probably told you about it since she stays in touch with some of the other parents of your peers from high school. So, why were you unpleasantly surprised today?

You check to see how close your food is to being ready when you get a text. Your walking slows when you see Ukai’s name pop up, and seeing it allows you to figure out what he was doing with your phone. You swipe it away, shaking your head before you pick up the pace, but you falter when you see that he’s calling you.

You stop, stepping off to the side so that you’re not in the way of other people before you answer it. “God, what do you want?” you groan.

“It’s only ten-thirty in the morning, and you’re already this grumpy?” he chuckles, and you ball your hand into a fist, taking a deep breath to try and calm yourself.

“I’m blocking you,” you say.

“Aw, you don’t mean that, do you?” You can hear his voice more precisely this time, but it doesn’t sound like it’s coming through the phone. You turn around to see him walking up to you with a smirk on his face, phone by his ear.

You hang up the phone, sighing heavily. “What do you want?” you repeat, way past annoyed right now, and when you look back at him, you see something flash in his eyes, but it’s gone before you can figure out what it was.

“Just give me fifteen minutes, okay?” He’s lost that teasing tone in his voice, and you chew on your lip softly while you contemplate before you finally give in.

“Fine. I’m heading to the student union to get some food,” you tell him, hoping that this will finally get him to leave you alone. You start walking, and he happily steps in rhythm right next to you. It’s pretty silent for the first couple of feet you walk, and you expected him to continue the conversation, but he stays silent.

You definitely don’t have anything you want to say to him; well, in public at least. Your mind is racing as you walk, and you’re starting to wish that he would talk to you so that you can shut your thoughts out. You can’t help but think about how he treated you when you were younger, and how most of the time he was the aid in your bullying.

As far as you’re concerned, you didn’t think he liked you, or either he loved to make your life a living hell, and his actions justified that. But what he’s doing now is completely baffling to you. You can’t help but scoff, rubbing over your head as you smile. Who knew that your day could be turned upside down in a matter of minutes?

“What’s so funny?” he asks, making you realize that you accidentally reacted to your thoughts out loud.

“So, did you transfer, or…?” you say, not wanting to answer the question.

“Nah, I was here last school year,” he answers, shoving his hands in his pockets. You nod softly, looking at the ground. The school isn’t that small, so you may have just never run into him. But on the other hand, the school isn’t massive either, so you’re a bit surprised that you haven’t seen him.

“I’m assuming you’re majoring in something dealing with agriculture?” you ask next, meeting his gaze, and the smile he gives you makes you feel too many things, and you don’t like it.

“Horticulture, specifically, yeah,” he tells you with a nod, looking at the ground before he looks at you again. “Now, how’d you know that?”

You choke a bit, clearing your throat as you look off to the side. “I mean, who didn’t? Farming was all you talked about in high school,” you try. It’s a horrible attempt at taking the heat off the fact that you know what he’s interested in, and you know there’s no way that it worked.

“You were listening to me in high school?” he questions, and the teasing tone in his voice increases your urge to punch him in the stomach.

“It’s not like I had a choice, you and your friends talked so fucking loud all of the time.” That you say with confidence because there’s a ton of truth to that statement. He’s always been obnoxious, but with his friends, it seemed like it would always multiply. Not seeing him was the best part of your high school career.

He laughs a bit in surprise before he nods. “Okay, I’ll give you that.” One of the bigger classes must’ve gotten out because there are a lot more people around as you walk, forcing Ukai to move closer to you. You try to shy away, but there’s no way you can move without falling off the sidewalk, so you just bite your tongue when you feel his shoulder brush against yours.

“Alright, so how’s your schedule looking this semester?”

“Hectic to say the least,” you chuckle, sighing a bit as you think about your future workload. “So, I hope this class will be the least of my worries.”

“Ah, you’ll be fine, just don’t stress too much about it.”

You scoff. “Yeah, that’s a lot easier said than done.” When you get to the student union, he holds the door open for you, and you thank him softly, picking up your pace a little, but he falls in time with your steps.

You quickly glance at your phone, seeing that your order is ready, and you’re grateful for an excuse to get away from him. “Uh, well, my food is ready, so I should probably go.” You try to turn around as fast as you can, but he must notice that you’re trying to leave because he starts talking right when you finish.

“Do you have any other classes today?” he says quickly, and you stop, trying to hide your heavy sigh.

“No,” you lie, but that isn’t enough to let him drop the conversation because he speaks up again, and you wonder why you haven’t just walked away yet.

“You mind if I join you while you eat?” That sounds like a horrible idea, so you promptly come up with an excuse that thankfully doesn’t sound forced.

“Oh, well, I’m probably gonna go sit in the library,” you say. “Wanna make sure I’m not gonna fall behind since I already have homework.” You feel like you might be playing it up too much, especially when he squints after he hears your words.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say it sounds like you’re trying to avoid me,” he infers, and you start to panic a little bit, trying to think about how to respond.

“I’m not. I promise.” You chuckle, waving your hand out right as you feel your phone vibrate with a text. “I’ve already made plans to meet up with my friend, so…” Perfect timing, you think in your head because if that text hadn’t come through, you don’t know what you would’ve said.

He smirks at you before he nods his head. “Okay, then. I’ll let you go.” You almost curl your body forward slightly in relief, but you hold that urge back. “It was good to see you again.”

“Yeah,” you say tersely, giving him a tight smile. You awkwardly wave before you finally turn around and walk away to get your food. You don’t walk fast, but you do try to get out of there as soon as you can because you can feel his eyes on you without even having to look.

It makes you feel a certain type of way that you don’t even want to try and tackle, so you hightail it out of there. Once you get outside, you feel like you can breathe again, but now you don’t know where to go. It’s not like you could sit inside the student union after lying to Keishin, so you look at the time on your phone to try and figure out where would be the best place to go.

Based on the time, there’s a building you could sit in and not have to worry about a lot of people being there, so you head on over there. You slide your headphones onto your head from around your neck and let the music take over the thoughts that you don’t want to hear right now as you walk.

“It’s only the beginning of the week, and you already look like you want it to be over.” Your forehead is pillowed by your forearms on the table, and you lift your head to set your chin on your arms.

“I had a terrible surprise this morning,” you answer solemnly. You didn’t lie to Ukai entirely. You were meeting up with your friend, but it was after your second class, and you weren’t meeting her in the library. So, it was just a tiny lie. Luckily, you didn’t run into him anymore today, but you hate how you were on high alert the whole day.

You’ve never been more aware of your surroundings, looking around when you leave the building, and making sure you’re continuously looking around as you walked to your car. You could say that you’re being dramatic, but another part of you just wants to consider it “keeping your peace” since seeing Ukai again brought back painful memories.

“What? You tripped in front of a lot of people or what?” You sit up, sighing as you lean back in your chair.

“I saw someone from high school that I thought I’d never see again.” Your friend flips through her textbook, already having homework, as she shrugs.

“So? What’s so bad about that?”

“He made my life a living hell.” Your friend perks up at that, lifting her head to give you her full attention.

“Oh, it’s a ‘he’? Is he cute?” You give her a plain look, which makes her chuckle a little. “Okay, so I need a backstory. We’ve been friends for like a year, and I don’t think I’ve heard about this guy.”

And there’s a reason for that. You would much rather leave painful memories behind, but your luck says otherwise. “Well, I would prefer to not talk about a guy that made my life harder than needed,” you start with a sigh, “but today, he acted like everything from high school never happened.”

“What does that mean?”

“He was nice to me.” You can’t help but scoff a little, laughing because it sounds like the bare minimum, but he was nowhere near acting like that back then. “I thought he hated me or something.”

“Why do you think he hates you?”

“Because he messed with me non-stop! He and his friends humiliated me as much as they could.”

“Are you sure that it was him that was messing with you or was he just in the background?” That makes you freeze, and you slump a little at her question. If you think about it, he’s never physically done or said anything to you, but the fact that he was there, and didn’t do anything to stop it was enough to convince you that he didn’t like you. And it was enough for you to not like him.

“What did he say to you today?” your friend asks after you’re silent for a while.

“He put his number in my phone, and he walked with me to the student union. He said he thought we were friends.” You rub your hand over your face, resting your top half on the table again. There’s so much confusion on a Monday, and you’ve barely been to all of your classes.

“It doesn’t sound like he hates you to me.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s making me sound like I’m fucking crazy,” you say lightly, looking at what’s playing on the TV behind your friend. “I’m pretty sure he’s just trying to butter me up or something to try and make himself look good. And then he’ll make my life miserable again once I let him back in.”

“You’ve always been so dramatic,” your friend laughs. “I’m telling you right now, that I don’t think that’s the case. He definitely would’ve acted differently, right? Did he ever talk to you in high school?”

“Barely. I caught him staring at me all the fucking time. He sometimes tried to talk to me after his friends did something to me, but I never let him speak.” Your friend is a hundred percent invested in this story, all of her attention on you instead of her textbooks.

“Okay, give me a couple of instances where you were messed with,” she tells you after she laughs at your answer. You take a deep breath, preparing yourself to re-live through some of those moments.

You tell her about the time they constantly tripped you while you were walking to your seat in a class you shared with him. You tell her about the time they started rumors about you multiple times. Now, that you’re older, they weren’t that bad, but just the thought of people that stuff about you made you hate half of high school.

You told her about all the times you heard them whispering, knowing that they were talking about you and feeling tears welling up in your eyes at the snickers you would hear behind you. You stop soon after, biting your lip to calm yourself before your friend asks where was Ukai in all of this.

“He never said anything, and like I said, he was always staring at me whenever I looked at him.” You tell her about the times he would come up to you after class, usually after the bullying, but you didn’t give him a chance to speak, darting out of the room before he could even get your name out.

“Maybe he was trying to apologize,” she offers. “I’m not saying that I’m condoning him sitting there and letting it happen, but I don’t think he hates you like you say he does. At all.”

“Well, he had a lot of time to apologize, and he never did.” Yeah, you’re still hung up about it, and you don’t care if you sound like a child. He was a bystander and still dared to call them his friends and hang out with them after what they did to you.

“Well, I’m not gonna tell you what to do, but if you wanna hear him out, I don’t blame you. But if you don’t, then you could always drop the class and find another one to fill your requirement,” she says. “But, I know you’re not gonna drop, so it’s up to you,” she tacks on, making you frown at her. She smiles at you before she goes back to your textbook, and you can’t help but copy it, standing up and making your way toward your room, but not without playfully shoving her first.

You spend the rest of your night torn between completely ignoring your friend or taking her advice. Not having homework is a good and bad thing because you don’t have anything to distract you from your thoughts. You kill the time by watching a show that you’ve already seen a bunch of times, scrolling through your phone while you sit on your bed.

Your friend has a point, but there’s a part of you that’s spent a while trying to lock that part of your life away, and you don’t want to go through the trouble of opening it back up again. You don’t know if you’ll be able to handle it when everything you’ve suppressed comes flying out.

When your eyelids start to feel heavy, you decide to call it a night, hoping in the shower before you do your face routine. When you get in bed, you toss and turn for a little bit, hoping that your dilemma stays out of your dreams.

Wednesday rolls around faster than you’d like, and you find yourself in that class once again in the same seat you picked on the first day of classes. You keep your headphones on as you get comfortable, having about fifteen minutes before class starts. You can feel yourself getting antsier as the class time approaches, wondering if Ukai dropped the class.

You shrug off your thoughts, questioning in your head why you’re so worried about him in the first place. It doesn’t do much though because you feel your heart start racing when you can see someone sitting next to you in your peripheral. You don’t look, keeping your eyes on your phone, but you decide to switch your attention to your laptop.

You think the professor talks starting, so you turn your headphones off, sliding them off your head. “Good morning.” You hear it almost as soon as you take the headphones off your ears, and it nearly scares you.

“Morning,” you reply softly, glancing to the side to confirm that Ukai is sitting next to you.

“How was your day yesterday?” he asks, and you shake your head a little as you shrug.

“Uh, it was pretty okay, I guess. It’ll be more hectic next week once my labs start,” you tell him, and it feels weird to be making small talk with him. Your friend’s words echo in your head as you ask him about his day yesterday.

“Mine was pretty okay, too. You know the first week of classes is always dragging.” You give him a nod, deciding to fully turn your head to look at him, but when you see that he’s staring right at you, you quickly look back at your laptop.

Your professor starts talking, so you attempt to pay attention even though you’re more nervous than you’d like to be. Right as she finishes the discussion about what you’re going to be doing today, someone walks into the class.

No one notices because they’ve all started talking to themselves in the groups that they’re in, and since you’re sitting in the back right by the door, she catches your attention. You look over her, commenting in your head how pretty her outfit is, but then Ukai quickly averts your attention to him.

“You did the readings, right?” he asks, and you squint at him.

“Did you?” you say right back, and he smiles a little which makes you think about how you’re feeling about that.

“I did,” he answers confidently before giving you a synopsis of the reading much to your surprise. “I can’t slack off like I did in high school, so I’m trying to start early so I don’t get behind.” His words leave you a little stunned, but before you can even try and form a response, the girl who walked in late walks up to the both of you.

“You don’t mind if I work with you, do you?” She’s only looking at Ukai when she asks, and she must’ve walked up to the professor and had her fill her in on what you’re doing.

“Well, I’m working with her already, so,” he answers, and you make a face when it looks like disdain appears across her face.

“Oh, well, the professor said I could join a group,” she responds, and you can feel the air taking an awkward turn, but you have no idea what to say. Ukai sighs a little, glancing at you before he looks at her.

“Sure, one more doesn’t hurt.” She smiles widely before moving one of the desks closer to him before sitting down, and he leans towards you, which makes you lean back a little. “Are you okay with this?” he whispers.

“Uh, yeah, it’s fine,” you mumble back quickly, overwhelmed by how close he is. It doesn’t look like your words convinced him, but she’s talking to him again, so he doesn’t get a chance to make sure. While he’s talking to her, filling her in on what you’re supposed to be doing, you pull up your annotations from the readings you had to read for this class.

For about ten minutes, absolutely no work gets done because every time Ukai tries to talk to you, she interrupts with questions that have nothing to do with the work. And she’s only talking to him. You have an annoyed look on your face as you stare at your empty word document. Ukai seems to be just annoyed as you, and you truly don’t know why she’s acting like this. You don’t even know her.

You figure that you’re probably not going to get any work done, and by the conversations you’re overhearing from the other groups, they’re not necessarily talking about their group work either. It seems like there’s a lull in the conversation between her and Ukai, so you speak up.

“I like your outfit,” you say, giving her a small smile.

“I didn’t ask.”

Keishin freezes, his fingers no longer typing on his keyboard, and your face drops. She’s giving you an ugly look, and you’re about to turn and face her, but he stops you by asking you some questions about the work. There’s a look in his eyes that you can’t decipher, but after that, he barely pays attention to her.

Every time she tries to talk, he talks over her, and it’s starting to get to you. “Ukai, it’s okay,” you say softly, and you don’t need to say it that loud because he’s practically in your space, moving over whenever she moved closer to him.

“No, it’s not,” he grits, and you never knew that fifty minutes could be so long. You managed to get some of your document filled, and you start to pack your stuff up once there are about five minutes left in class. You wish you could be out of here sooner. The girl continues to talk now that Ukai isn’t occupied anymore, and you can’t even bring yourself to look their way.

You feel a pit forming in your stomach at what she said to you, her attitude not sitting right with you, but you don’t want to say anything to her. The other part of you just wants to get out of her, and you refuse to let her ruin the rest of your day. Your professor lets the class out a little early once she sees that everyone is finishing up, and since your backpack is already packed, you quickly stand.

Ukai stands up almost at the same time you do, way faster. “So, I was wondering–” The girl is standing as well, and she’s still talking to him.

“I didn’t ask.” You choke a bit at Ukai’s sudden response, turning your head to look away as you try to hold in your laugh, but not before you can catch her stunned reaction. You jump when he grabs your hand and pulls you out of the room ahead of everyone else. You have to walk a little faster to keep up with him, and he doesn’t let your hand go until you’re both well away from the building.

“Are you okay?” he asks, slowing his steps.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be okay?” you say. “I’m a little pissed, yeah, but I’m not stressed over it.” He doesn’t say anything in return, and the silence allows you to remember that he’s still holding your hand.

You feel your face grow warm as you slightly tug, and he feels it, letting go of your hand immediately. “Sorry about that,” he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Don’t worry about it,” you say lightly even though your body isn’t taking it so lightly. You grab your hand gently, rubbing over your palm as if you’re missing the feeling of his hand against yours.

“So, it looks like you’re done for the day,” he says without missing a beat, and you frown a bit before you quickly remember that you lied to him about your schedule.

“Oh, yeah,” you respond slowly, wondering if you want to come clean about it. “I would be, but I do have another class in an hour. My professor canceled the class on Monday for some reason.” You don’t know why you’re telling him this, and there’s a small part of you that regrets it the moment you do.

“Really? What class is it?”

“Uh, quantitative chemistry.”

“Oof, sounds hard,” he grimaces, and you chuckle a little, shaking your head a little.

“I don’t think it’ll be that bad, hopefully. Math wasn’t always my best, but it’s stuff I already learned so I should be fine.” You try not to focus on how close he is to you as you walk, and you know there’s no reason for him to be since the foot traffic isn’t bad. “Do you have anything else today?” you ask, trying to use conversation as a way to keep your thoughts quiet.

“Yeah, I have a stats class in an hour as well,” he sighs.

“God, I do not miss taking that. I’m glad I’m done with it.”

“Lucky you then,” he jests, nudging you with his shoulder. “I absolutely suck at math, so this won’t be fun.” You open your mouth getting ready to say that you remember that from high school, but you quickly shut it. You don’t need to expose yourself anymore.

“It might not be that bad, you’re given the formulas on the exams anyways.”

“Well, if I ever have trouble, I know to call you.”

“Right,” you mumble. The conversation thankfully stops without being awkward, but you don’t want to listen to your head right now. There’s so much going on, your brain is trying to process too much, so you try to think about where you’re going to kill time until your next class.

“Are you gonna be getting food again today?” he asks after a while even though you’re not walking anywhere near the student union. Which makes you notice that he’s just been walking wherever you’re going.

You shake your head. “No, I ate a pretty big breakfast today, so I’m just gonna find somewhere to sit while I wait for my next class.”

“You mind if I join you?” You hesitate for a split second before you answer.

“If you want to,” you say, leaving it at that as you try not to reveal how you’re feeling. But hell, you don’t even know how you’re feeling about this.

You find a place outside since it’s nice and not too hot to sit at, and it’s an equal distance for both of you from your next class. Since you already have assignments due for your classes, you try to get a headstart on it, so you pull out your notes and laptop to get started on that.

Ukai sits across from you, and it takes everything in you to not look at him. He’s on his phone for a while that you can see from your peripheral, but then he’s on his laptop soon after that. You get into your work, finding a groove, and you’re almost done with most of it when you hear someone call Ukai’s name.

Both of you look up, and your heart drops when your eyes land on the owner of the voice. You quickly put your head down, hoping that your undivided attention on your laptop screen will cause him not to notice you. You swallow heavily as they greet each other, and you look at the time to see that you still have twenty minutes until your class starts.

You try to pack up some of your stuff since you’re done anyway, but then you feel your body run cold when Ukai says your name. “You remember her, right?” You hesitantly look up, and you can feel all of the emotions that you’ve been trying to suppress bubble over.

The guy says your name again in disbelief before recognition goes across his face. “Wow, it is you! I almost didn’t recognize you,” he laughs, and you wait for it. “You aren’t as ugly as you were in high school.” There it is.

You barely smile at him because there’s no way you can laugh that off, and you see Ukai frown deeply, turning to the guy, you start to close your laptop. “I’m gonna head out,” you start, and Ukai tries to stop you, but the guy won’t shut up about how much you’ve changed, calling you the names he called you back then, and you can feel yourself starting to break down.

“Don’t leave,” Ukai says, catching your hand before you can put your stuff in your bag.

“Yeah, we have to stay and catch up,” the guy buds in, and you know there isn’t a smile on your face when you look at him.

“You can go,” Ukai orders, keeping his hand on yours, and this situation is so awkward and embarrassing, but your body is frozen at Keishin’s words. The guy tries to laugh Ukai’s sudden change in attitude off, not even the slightest put off by him.

“Come on, man. This is hilarious, no? You remember how much she–”

“I remember how much I wanted to beat your ass,” Ukai states. “Now leave before I do.” You try to keep your breathing even as you look around. No one was around to hear the conversation, but some people are looking as they walk to wherever they are going. The guy stops smiling, looking at Ukai like he’s grown a second head.

“Are you serious right now?” the guy questions incredulously as he looks at you. “Don’t tell me you’re feeling this bitch–”

Ukai is on his feet in a split second, grabbing the guy by the collar of his shirt. “You have two seconds to move your ass before I do it for you. You apologize to her now, and I never want to see your face again.”

Your body is shaking so badly, you feel like you could cry, and you flinch a little when Ukai tightens his grip on his shirt, shaking him just a little. “I’m not playing around here. Apologize. Now.”

“Ukai, it’s okay, he doesn’t have to–” you try, but he doesn’t even look at you, pulling the guy closer to him and nearly off of his feet.

“Yes. He. Does.”

“Okay, okay. Just chill,” the guy pleads, and Keishin lets his grip loose just a little, but he doesn’t let him go. “I’m sorry, okay?” At this point, you don’t care for his half-assed apology, but the high school part of you is feeling a rush from hearing him say those words.

“Mean it,” he says angrily, and the guy turns to look at you.

“I’m sorry,” he says, but that doesn’t satisfy Ukai.

“For?”

“For messing with you. I’m sorry for what I just said. I was just fucking around in high school, and I didn’t mean any of the things I said. I promise,” he rushes out, and you’d never thought you’d hear that from him. You’re so overwhelmed with emotions right now, that you don’t say anything, but Ukai lets the guy go with a rough shove.

“Get the fuck out of my face,” he hisses, and the guy fixes his shirt, giving Ukai a searing glare, but he walks off without another word. You take a deep breath when he disappears out of sight, and you jump a bit when Ukai’s next to you. “Are you okay? I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“I’m fine,” you breathe, finally looking at Ukai, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him look so worried. His hands are on your shoulders, and you give him a smile to try and lessen his worries. “I’m fine. I just thought I’d never see him again,” you say with an airy chuckle, and when you start to relax, he lets his hands slide off of you, but you’re still a little frazzled to notice how long they take to leave your body.

Ukai goes to say something, but you check the time on your phone to see that you don’t have a lot of time until your next class. “Oh, we have to go,” you say softly, packing up your stuff. Ukai stands there, watching you, and you turn to him once you have your backpack on your shoulders. “Thanks, Ukai,” you say softly.

“Of course,” he says just as softly, and you return the smile he gives you. “You go on ahead, I’ll see you on Friday.” You nod, walking off, and he watches you go. He sighs as he starts to pack his stuff up. There’s so much he wanted to say to you.

Maybe next time.

You’re a month into the semester, and your work is already stockpiling. You try to get ahead of it, but it always ends up catching up to you. You’ve piled up on your classes this semester, and you’re starting to hate your past self for doing that. The class you have with Ukai is the only class where the workload isn’t the heaviest, but it still takes a hefty amount of time to do the work for it.

The readings that you have to read before class have gotten longer, and you just barely have enough time to read them. You’re dragging ass when you get to class on Monday, feeling like you might fall asleep at your desk when you sit down. You’re surprised you managed to even remember bringing all of your stuff for class today, and Ukai sits next to you as you slowly take your stuff out of your bag.

“Rough night?” you barely hear him ask, and it takes you a while to blink, your eyelids feeling like they’re tied to weights.

“Something like that,” you whisper before you rub your eyes. “My workload is a bitch especially with midterms coming up, so I’m not getting a lot of sleep.” You yawn as you rest your chin on your hand. He doesn’t say anything else, and the professor starts talking, but he keeps his eyes on you while she does.

You rub your hand over your face, even drinking water to try and keep yourself awake. You feel like you might cry when she announces that you’re going to be presenting in front of the class about the readings you’re doing. Ukai watches you make a face at her words, and then he notices that you’re still working on things all the while.

But when the class breaks off to do work, you immediately start talking about the readings that you had to do for the class. He wants to ask about how you’re doing, but he doesn’t think he’ll get the chance. His concern is only fueled when you keep having to stop to think about what you’re saying. He ends up doing most of the work, which he doesn’t mind, and it seems like class flies by in a blur.

You and Ukai will have to present at least twice this semester, the first presentation being next week, which means you’ll have to get started on your papers now. When class is dismissed, he waits for you to pack up your stuff, and he can tell that you’re really tired especially since you’re not walking as fast as you usually do.

“So, are you going to be free any time to work on this?” he asks you once you’re both walking outside.

“It’s gonna have to be at the end of the week. I’m gonna try and get as much work done as I can so I can focus on this. Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, I can make it work.”

“We can try and start on it now while we wait for our next class if you want to,” you offer, and you both find a spot inside this time since it looks like it might rain, which doesn’t help your grogginess. Ukai sits next to you, but you’re too tired to freak out about it. He starts talking about the readings that you have to do, and what you could potentially write about in your paper.

You don’t know if it’s because you’ve chosen a pretty quiet spot, or if it’s his voice, but something starts to put you to sleep. Ukai can see your head bobbing every time you doze off, but he doesn’t say anything, continuing to talk about the material, and while you start to doze off again, he lets his hand gently guide it to his shoulder.

You don’t protest, going without a fight, and he looks down at you, only stopping when he realizes he’s been staring at you too long. He continues working, making sure not to move his arm too much so that he doesn’t wake you, and he opens up another document, typing up stuff that you could add to your paper.

When it’s almost time for you to go, he hesitates to wake you up because you look like you need sleep, but he knows you’d kill him for not waking you up in time for class. He gently shakes you, and you wake up with a start, looking around. You calm down instantly when you look at Ukai, looking at his laptop screen before sighing.

“God, Ukai, I am so sorry,” you say, rubbing your head. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”

“Don’t sweat it. I wrote down some ideas for you to start with,” he tells you. “I’ll send it to you later. You gotta get to class.”

“Thank you so much. I owe you.” You don’t have to put your stuff up since you didn’t even get the chance to take anything out, and you stand up, stretching when you stand up fully. You check the time on your phone, putting a little pep in your step since you feel a bit energized as you start to walk away. You turn to wave to him as you leave, and the smile doesn’t leave his face even when you’re gone.

“Should’ve taken a picture,” he mumbles.

When you get home, you all but drag yourself to your room. You change your clothes before flopping down on your bed, and sleep is calling your name, but if you go to sleep now, you’ll mess up your schedule. You lift yourself when you hear a knock on your door while you let your roommate know that she can come in.

“Are you getting enough sleep?” she questions the moment she walks in. She sits down at your desk with a feigned stern look, already knowing the answer.

“I’ll try tonight. I just have a lot of work this week. And now I have to write a paper to present with Ukai next week,” you groan, and your roommate raises her eyebrows.

“Ukai? Haven’t heard his name since you mentioned him,” she says. “How’s all that going?”

“It’s going, I guess. I don’t know what you want me to say.” You think about how your head was on his shoulder earlier, and you feel your face start to warm, and your roommate notices the change.

“Yeah, okay. You’re not fooling me. What’s up with you two?”

“Nothing!” you exclaim. “I think,” you add softly, ultimately sighing in defeat, and your roommate moves to sit next to you on your bed, very invested. “I mean, we’ve been hanging on a lot during our breaks in-between classes. And I fell asleep on his shoulder today,” you say, grimacing at the thought.

“So, what? Do you like him or something?”

“I don’t know,” you answer honestly. “I kinda had a crush on him in high school, but it was mostly bittersweet because he was always there whenever I was being messed with. Speaking of, I saw one of the guys a while ago.”

“What?” your roommate says, her mouth open. “What happened?”

“Ukai threatened him and had him apologize to me,” you laugh which you can do now that the situation is behind you.

“Shit, girl, you don’t think he’s into you too, right?”

“No,” you respond quickly with a shake of your head. “There’s no way he likes me now or back then. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Don’t say that,” she tries. “I feel like there might be something there.”

“Maybe,” you say reluctantly. “I just don’t wanna read anything wrong.”

“I don’t think you are. I feel like he might have a thing for you. He has had a thing for you.” You try not to fall too deep into her words, but with the way he’s been acting, it doesn’t sound totally out of the ordinary. “Just keep me updated, I’m invested in your love story now.”

“Don’t call it that!” You shove her playfully as both of you laugh, and she gets off your bed, heading to the door.

“Don’t stay up too late, okay?” she says before she closes the door. Once it gets quiet, you begrudgingly decide to start on your work, so you move to your desk, starting on your chemistry homework since that’s what’s taking you so much time.

You play some music to help you focus, and you try to get into study mode. Which takes you a lot longer than it should because your head is focused on a certain someone. You groan softly as you let your head fall on your desk. Maybe if you think about it now, it’ll help you focus.

You definitely had some feelings for Ukai back then. You thought he was really cute, he actually is still very much cute. He looks even better now than he did in high school. But you were never confident enough to even start a conversation with him all through high school. You shared the same classes, but you just kept it to yourself. Not even your high school friends knew how you felt about him.

But then those feelings started to fade a bit when the guys he hung out with started to bully you. You mostly felt anger at first, but then it turned to hurt and a little bit of betrayal because the guy you liked wasn’t doing anything to stop what was happening. And then you hated yourself for being a damsel in distress. Once the bullying seemed to die down by the time you were in your last year, you were “over” him.

You didn’t have nearly as many feelings for him, they were still there, but you sort of suppressed them. And then you attempted to get rid of them when you got to college because you were under the notion that you would never see him again. But of course, you had to run into him, and now those feelings are starting to bloom again.

You never once thought that he reciprocated his feelings, and you never talked to him because it seemed like the only time he was going to say something to you was after his friends did, and the last thing you wanted to do was talk to him.

“Okay, that’s enough,” you say to yourself, picking up your pencil and trying to get back to where you were. Right as you’re about to start another problem, your phone stops playing music and then your ringtone follows. You pick it up to see who’s calling, and you feel your heart start racing when you see that it’s Ukai.

You were thinking about him, and now he’s calling you. You don’t wait to answer it, putting it on speaker as you set the phone back down. “You cut off my music,” you say lightly, and you bite your lip a little when you hear his laugh come through the phone.

“Sorry. I just wanted to check on you. Making sure you’re giving yourself a break,” he says, and your roommate’s words start to play in your mind.

“I actually haven’t been working for that long,” you say, but then you look at the clock, seeing how much time has passed.

“Really? When did you start?” he questions, and when you go silent, he chuckles again. “Okay, so that means you need to take a break.”

“Okay, fine,” you relent. “Is that all you were calling about?”

“Maybe I just wanted to hear your voice.” You don’t know how to respond to that, his words making you silent again. “I was having trouble focusing so I thought you might be able to help me.”

“And how would I be able to do that?” you ask, trying to calm your racing heart.

“Don’t know,” he answers, which makes you roll your eyes. “I guess I could try and listen to music like you.”

“You should, it helps.”

“I’d rather talk to you,” he replies almost too fast.

“But I don’t think it’s helping you,” you chuckle. “It just sounds like I’m distracting you.”

“I’m okay with that.” You put your hand over your mouth to stop yourself from screaming. What is happening right now?

“So, you called me just to distract you then?” you ask after your quick freak out.

“Yeah,” he answers quickly. “Work doesn’t seem so bad now that I’m talking to you.”

You can’t help but laugh. “Well, obviously. A lot of people would rather be doing anything else other than work.”

He goes silent for a second, and you’re about to ask him if he’s still there, but he talks before you can. “Am I being too much of a distraction?”

You let a shy smile appear on your face as you shake your head even though he can’t see you. “No, you’re not. I like talking to you,” you say, feeling your face warm.

“Good. I like talking to you too,” he says, and you quietly laugh, but you stop the urge to kick your feet like you’re in high school. Time seems to fly by as you talk to Ukai, and you’re having such a good time that you don’t even notice that it has until your roommate knocks on your door.

“Hey, girl, I was checking on you. You haven’t come out of your room,” she says, peeking her head into your room.

“I’m taking breaks, don’t worry,” you tell her, hoping that she won’t see that you’re on the phone with Ukai. “I’ll probably finish up here soon.” That seems to be enough to convince her because she gives you a smile and a goodnight before she closes the door.

“Sorry, that was my roommate,” you tell him.

“Don’t worry about it. Glad to know you have someone that’s making sure you’re taking care of yourself.”

“Yeah, she’s like my mom,” you laugh.

“I didn’t mean to keep you on the phone this long, you probably got no work done,” he says.

“I actually did. So, talking to you helped after all.”

“Well, you’re welcome,” he jokes, and you roll your eyes. “...I don’t wanna hang up,” he whispers after he goes silent, and in your head, you agree.

“Well,” you start. “I could call you after I get out of the shower,” you offer, and your eyes dart around to the things on your desk as you wait for his answer.

“Yeah. That sounds good. I’ll be waiting.”

“Okay, well, I’ll talk to you soon.” You hang up the phone, and you have to get it out, so you do a little happy dance before you calm yourself down. You jump violently when your door burst open.

“I knew you were talking to him!” your roommate yells. “You can’t fool me!”

“Thank you for giving me a heart attack,” you sigh, grabbing your phone and standing up.

“So, what’s going on now? A date?” she presses, and you scoff as you shake your head.

“Absolutely nothing of the sort. I’m getting in the shower,” you say, pushing her out of your room so you can get ready.

“Yeah, okay. You better keep me posted,” she tells you again, and you shake your head before closing the door.

You shower quickly, washing your face, and brushing your teeth before you get in bed. You wait for a little just in case he might be showering too, and it takes you a while to even call him at that. Your finger hovers over the call button in your recents until you finally press it. It doesn’t even ring twice before he picks up.

“I missed you.”

“It hasn’t even been that long,” you say, a laugh leaving your chest against your will.

“Doesn’t matter,” he tells you softly as you start to get comfortable. “You laying down?”

“Yes, I am. I might fall asleep on you if I’m being honest,” you say, a yawn following right after.

“That’s okay. You need to get your sleep.”

Ukai ends up doing most of the talking which is fine by him, and he can’t help but smile to himself when he hears your responses turning into soft hums. A part of him wishes he would’ve video called you so that he could see you, but he’ll take this for now. He stops talking once he can hear you softly snoring, but he doesn’t hang up.

Sleep is right behind him, so he rolls over on his side, getting more comfortable. “Goodnight,” he tells you even though you can’t hear him, and it’s not long until he’s asleep himself.

You had gotten enough work done this week that you had enough time to work on your presentation with Ukai. You decided to meet up at his place this weekend, and you feel so conflicted with yourself as you stand in front of your mirror trying to figure out what to wear.

“Why am I being like this?” you mumble to yourself. You’ve been trying to tell yourself not to worry about it and just put on some clothes, but there’s a part of you that has too much of a say to let you do just that. You’ve put on and taken off so many clothes, the pile on your bed and floor only increasing.

You don’t have time for this, having only about twenty minutes before you have to get there. Ukai lives pretty close to campus while you have to drive back and forth between your apartment and campus. That’s something you and your roommate hate, so you’re currently looking for a new place for next school year.

You groan out loud as the voice in your head tells you that you don’t like the outfit you have on. You jump when you hear a knock on your door, and the familiar sight of your roommate peeking her head in fills your eyes. “You okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” you say, but she’s always been good at reading you, and she frowns before pushing the door open further. Her eyebrows crease when she sees that your room looks like your closet exploded.

“You’re worried about what you’re wearing? You going somewhere special or something?” she questions instantly, but even the question doesn’t give you enough time to come up with a lie, because she quickly puts two and two together. “Don’t tell me you’re going on a date.”

“It’s not a date,” you emphasize. “We’re just working on a presentation we have to do on Monday.”

“Well, where are you meeting him?” she asks, and you look away from her, hesitant to answer. “His place?” she says when you don’t respond, and your reaction to the next question is all she needs to know the answer. “This is news to me! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Because I knew you were gonna make a big deal about it, and I didn’t wanna psych myself out.”

“Okay, okay. Relax, y/n,” she says, putting her hands on your shoulders. “There’s nothing to be worried about. I won’t make a big deal about it because it isn’t if you think about it. It’s just two people working on a project,” she offers, and that perspective does make you feel better. “It’s only a big deal if you make it, and it’s not like it’s gonna be awkward. You both have been in close proximity before,” she adds, and you admit in your head that she’s right.

“I guess you have a point,” you say, but you’re still looking around at all of the clothes you’ve put on.

“But, I can help you with an outfit,” she smiles, and you roll your eyes.

“You just said it wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“Okay, yeah, but that doesn’t mean you can’t dress up a little. You’re going out, why wouldn’t you?” she says, and you chuckle a bit, starting to consider if her words are a contradiction to what she just said, but you let her do it anyway.

While she’s going through your clothes, you quickly text Ukai to tell him that you’re running a little late, and you can’t help but smile when he responds almost instantly telling you it’s no big deal. Maybe you are overthinking this whole thing.

“Okay, here ya go.” You look up to see her holding one of your worn t-shirts, and some shorts, but when you look at which ones she’s holding, you put your hands on your hips.

“I am not wearing those shorts,” you tell her, taking the shirt from her and slipping it on.

“Why not? It’s hot outside, you don’t wanna be sweaty when you get there,” she tries, but you’re not buying it.

“I only wear those around the house,” you argue.

“And you will be around the house! His house,” she says, and you’re starting to realize that you don’t have time for this, but you know that you won’t be able to pick out anything else to wear.

“Fine. I’m only putting them on because I don’t have time,” you say, taking them from her, and she walks out to let you change into them. They’re not that short, but they’re short enough, and seeing that you only have about ten minutes to leave, you can’t waste time debating over what to wear.

You put your shoes on, making sure that you have everything before putting your backpack on. You walk out, tugging on the shorts when you feel like they’re starting to ride up, and you all but glare at your roommate as you walk towards the door.

“Have fun!” she beams, and you squint your eyes at her.

“Mm-hmm,” you mumble. “I’ll be back later tonight.” You both say goodbye, and you close the door, locking it behind you, putting some pep in your step on your way to your car.

You know where his apartment is, so you make your way over there, and you try to repeat your roommate’s words in your head when you feel yourself starting to get nervous. You know there’s no reason for you to be nervous, but you can’t help it. You know that you’re feelings for him are starting to come back, and there’s a part of you that’s trying to fight it, but so far, suppressing things hasn’t been the easiest thing to do.

Your roommate swears that he’s into you, which doesn’t really help your case, but those words alone are enough to make you sweat. You don’t know how you would feel if he felt the same way. You’ve felt something for him for almost all of high school, and if you think about it, those feelings never really left when you got to college.

You text him as soon as you park, and he meets you outside of his apartment. “Sorry, I’m running late,” you tell him when you get to him.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says, and you follow him into the building and up the stairs to his apartment. You pick at your phone case as you will your heart to stop racing because you know it’s not from taking the stairs.

You follow him inside, and you look around, taking in the room. He mentioned having a roommate, but he said he wouldn’t be here while you guys were working. You take your shoes off once you get in, and you see that he already has everything set up on the dining table. It almost has the same layout as your apartment except it’s much nicer. In the back of your head, you think to mention this place to your friend and see if she’d like it.

“Okay, so I’ve already finished my paper, but I wanted you to read over it just to make sure that ours don’t overlap,” he says when he sits down.

You sit down in the chair next to him, taking your backpack off so that you can get your laptop out. “That sounds good, but I’ll admit I haven’t written most of it,” you admit shyly, and he waves you off.

“That’s okay. It shouldn’t take you that long anyway,” he reassures, and you pull up the half-written document. You read over his, and you’re relieved that he ended up talking about something completely different from yours. You tell him what you want to talk about for your presentation, and he helps you out by pulling up the reading and offering what parts of it you could pull from.

Writing your paper takes about an hour, and then you both work on the PowerPoint slides you have to have with questions to ask the class about the readings. Your stomach grumbles suddenly once you’re finishing up, and that’s when you remember that you forgot to eat while you were panicking about what to wear.

“Sorry,” you laugh, and he laughs under his breath.

“I’m getting hungry too,” he says. “There are places around here that we could eat at if you’re okay with that.”

“Yeah, I’m good with that.” You both put your shoes on, and you follow him out onto the street, and there’s a bunch of places that are within walking distance where you could eat. You don’t care where to eat, so you agree on the first place that he offers. You’ve never been there before, but Ukai reassures you that it’s good. You both talk about anything and everything as you walk to the place, and when you get inside, it’s super packed.

“I guess it is dinner time,” he says as he takes the place in. “We can just take it to-go if that’s okay with you?” he offers, and you nod, in no mood to oppose as you look at how many people are in here. Ukai orders first, and instead of paying, he turns to you. “What do you want?” he asks, and you tell him, but then he’s repeating your order to the person at the register, and you realize what he’s doing.

“Ukai, you don’t have to pay,” you try, but he just shrugs you off. You try to memorize the price as you both move to the side while you wait for your food. “I’ll pay you back.”

“Seriously, y/n. Don’t worry about it,” he tells you again, but you don’t look very convinced. “How about you pay me back by helping me with my stats homework?”

“That doesn’t sound like a fair trade.”

“It does to me. I didn’t do well on the first exam, and I need some serious help,” he explains, and you decide that he’s not going to let you pay him back, so you give up.

“Fine. I’ll help you out then.” The smile he gives you makes your heart flutter, and you don’t get much time to take in how you feel because your food is ready.

You walk back to his apartment, and you silently thank your friend for picking out shorts because even though the sun is starting to go down, the air is still really warm. You aren’t walking that fast, so luckily you’re not a sweating mess when you get back to his apartment.

You push your work aside so that you can eat at the table, and he puts on a show that he’s been watching for a while. You’ve never seen it, and when you tell him, he looks at you like you’ve offended him terribly. He starts the show over for you, and it seems like a pretty good show, and you make a note of the name so you can continue to watch it.

You finish eating in the middle of the first season, and you both move to the couch so you can finish it. Ukai tells you that he’ll start on the work once it’s over, and you wonder if he actually means that. Your focus on the show starts to waver when you notice how close he’s sitting to you. He’s wearing shorts, so when his leg brushes against yours, it sends goosebumps across your skin. You try to pay attention because you don’t want to miss anything, but it’s even more difficult when he places his arm on the back of the couch behind you.

You don’t think it’s a cliche move because you look at him from the corner of your eye, and he’s completely engrossed in the show even though he’s seen it probably a million times. You realize how tense you are, and you try to relax, but that means you’d be relaxing into him, and you don’t want to make anything awkward.

You decide to rub over your arms since it’ll keep you from touching him. “Are you cold?” he asks, and you turn your head to him quickly.

“No, no. I’m fine,” you say with a shake of your head, and you quickly turn back to the TV, but you can see him looking over you, so you put your hands on your lap. He finally follows your gaze, and you release a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

The last episode of the season plays, and Ukai groans loudly. “Guess I have to do my homework now,” he says to your surprise. You guess he was serious about actually doing his work.

“Can I use your bathroom?” you ask, standing up and feeling relieved that you’re not sitting directly next to him anymore.

“Yeah, my room’s right there,” he says, pointing at the right door. He’s been fighting it since you got here, but he watches you walk away, and his eyes slide up your legs. He can see some of your ass peeking out from your shorts before you pull them down, and he sighs softly to himself as he diverts his eyes.

He turns his head quickly before he stands and turns the TV off. He sits down at the table while he gets his stuff out, and he hears you come back into the room. You sit down next to him, and he shows you one of the problems that he’s struggling with. You move your seat closer to his so that you don’t have to lean over, and he immediately thinks about how good you smell.

He noticed when he was sitting next to you, and that’s when he also noticed that he had put his arm behind you. He didn’t move his arm because he didn’t want it to be awkward, but he had to strongly fight the urge to pull you into him. He felt his hair stand up on end whenever he accidentally brushed against you, and the entire time he thought about if he should say something to you.

“Keishin.” His eyes snap to yours, realizing that he was just staring at his notebook. “Are you okay?” you ask softly.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I just got lost in thought,” he says, giving a smile so that he doesn’t have to explain that he was daydreaming about you.

“Don’t worry about the exam. I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

“Of course, I will. I have you to help me,” he says, thankful that you think he’s stressed about the exam. His smile widens when yours does, and he feels so much right now that he almost opens his mouth, but then you’re turning your attention back to the work. So, he clears his thoughts and decides to focus on his work too.

He’s relieved when he realizes that he’s not doing as bad as he thought, he was just having some trouble remembering when to do what. You have him go over it multiple times, and it helps, and when you think he’s ready, you have him try some practice problems.

He’s definitely nervous to try them out, but your reassurance is what gets him to try them. You busy yourself with some other classwork, and he’s grateful because he doesn’t know what he’d be able to do if you were watching him. He makes sure to check over his work, even putting his work through the calculator more than once to make sure that he’s getting the same answer as before.

He lets you know that he’s finished, and his professor added the answers to the questions, so you look over his work and the answers. He fiddles with his pencil in nervousness and anticipation as he watches you check. It feels like it takes forever and it almost kills him, but then you finally look up at him.

“You did really well! There’s a couple that you messed up on, but other than that, I’d say that you’d got this stuff down.” He takes a breath of relief, running his hand down his chest as he leans back in his seat.

“Thank God,” he breathes.

“You just have to trust yourself. You know what you’re doing, just don’t get nervous,” you tell him. “I know when I do that, I end up freaking myself out so much that I start to forget things.”

“Thank you so much. I owe you one.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s definitely not something I understood at first, so I’m happy to help.” At your words, for some reason, he feels like you might be about to leave, and he selfishly doesn’t want that to happen.

“Do you mind checking over my work again? I wanna go through some more just in case,” he tries, and he tightens his grip on his pencil, hoping you say yes.

“Of course. While you’re working, I’m getting work done too, so it’s a win-win,” you answer, and he’s never felt more elated. He nods, getting to work on more problems, and you switch your attention back to the work you were doing.

You get up to go to the bathroom again, and you stretch when you do, and Ukai’s eyes catch on your shorts again. He diverts his eyes as soon as you walk out of his line of sight, and he shakes his head. Focus. He sighs, getting back on track, and finishes the problem with ease. He gets to the next one though, and he’s stuck.

He tries to do it himself, but when he feels like he’s not doing something right, he stops so that he doesn’t get too far ahead of himself. Luckily, you come back when he stops, so he asks you right before you sit back down.

“I just wanna make sure I’m starting this right,” he says, and you put your hand on the back of his chair before you lean down to see what he’s doing. You lean down a little bit more to look at his work, and he holds the urge to flinch when your shirt brushes against his ear. He takes a deep breath in, your scent filling his nose, and he desperately wants to know what it is.

He thinks it might be like shea butter or something but before he can get a chance to investigate further, you break him out of his thoughts. “Yeah, you’re fine. Looks good to me,” you say, and he makes the mistake of turning to look up at you.

He was going to say something, but the words die in his throat when he looks at your face. He gets lost in your eyes and the curve of your lips, and he can’t look away. He looks back at your eyes, and to his surprise, you’re looking at his lips too. He has half a mind to just say fuck it and lean in, but then he feels you rub at his back.

“Have more confidence in yourself, Keishin,” you say, smiling at him before you move to sit back down. He’s glad that there doesn’t seem to be any awkward air between the two of you, and he realizes that his heart is racing when he looks back at his work. It feels like the motion of your hand rubbing his back is burned into his skin, and he would give anything to feel it again.

Ukai yawns as he finishes the last of the problems, and he passes the notebook to you. He rubs over his eyes as you look over them, and it doesn’t take you long to look through them. “You did great. You got all of them right,” you say with a yawn.

“I guess we better call it a night,” he says around a laugh that you copy, but then he looks at the time. “Shit, I didn’t mean to keep you here so late.”

You blink sleepily as you yawn again, looking at the time. “Oh, God. I didn’t even know I was here for that long,” you hum.

He once again doesn’t want you to leave. “You can sleep here for the night if you want, I’ll sleep on the couch,” he offers, and at the same time, you look like you could fall asleep any minute now.

“I couldn’t take your bed,” you try, but you end up yawning again.

“Seriously. It’s the least I could for keeping you here so long.” He’s really tired himself. He woke early this morning to make sure that his apartment was spotless. He’s never done so much cleaning, but he won’t tell you that.

Surprisingly, you don’t put up much of a fight, but he can’t really blame you. “Alright,” you say. “Do you have an extra toothbrush?”

“Yeah, of course. Just let me use the bathroom first,” he answers, and you give him a nod, turning to your work to finish it up. He mildly panics when he gets to his room because he didn’t think about changing his sheets. He quickly uses the bathroom, brushing his teeth after, and tries his hardest to change his sheets as fast as he can.

He’s nearly sweating by the end of it, but he can proudly say that he set a record for himself. He kicks the dirty sheets into his closet before grabbing the toothbrush and setting it on the bathroom counter. If you noticed that he was gone for so long, you don’t question it, which he’s grateful for even though he prepared a lie just in case.

“My room’s all yours,” he jokes, and you can’t help but laugh before you stand. You yawn again as you stretch, and Ukai finally fights the urge to look over your body again.

“Are you sure it’s okay if I sleep in your room? I can sleep on the couch, I don’t mind.”

“Yes, it’s fine. You look more tired than me right now. I’ll be fine,” he says, and you give him a sleepy smile that only strengthens his words.

“Well, thanks. Goodnight, Keishin.”

“Goodnight,” he echoes, and there’s a part of him that’s ecstatic that he gets to say it to you in person, and he ignores the pang in his chest that he can’t be laying next to you as he says it. You walk to his room, and he watches until you softly close the door. He already grabbed a pillow from his bed before he walked out, so he throws that onto the couch.

He has a blanket on the couch, so he lays down, throwing it over himself and he tries to get comfortable. This couch isn’t the most comfortable, and he’s fallen asleep on it before, but there was no way he was going to ask you if you wanted to share a bed with him. He finds himself thinking about what would’ve happened if you had said yes.

His thoughts start to derail right after that, and he groans before deciding to turn on the TV. It’s the only way he’ll be able to keep his thoughts at bay. He turns the volume down, and he puts on a show that he can fall asleep to. Of course, it only works for so long. He hasn’t heard you say his first name at all. Today was the first time, and he can’t help but smile widely at the thought.

He always wanted to say something to you in high school, but you never gave him the time of day. Now that he thinks about it, he doesn’t blame you at all. His friends weren’t kind to you at all, and he doesn’t even think he would call them friends. His real friends were in different classes with him, and he really only hung with them after school or on the weekends.

There were times that he told them to stop messing with you, and they took it as him having a crush on you, which was very much true, but he didn’t want that getting out, so he kept his mouth shut. Seeing you again and spending so much time with you has made him realize how stupid he was. He was more worried about himself than you, someone that he really liked, and he hates himself every time he thinks about it.

He hopes one day he’ll get the courage to tell you everything. Right now, he’s more than content with having what he has with you, and he doesn’t want to say anything to ruin that. He definitely wants to come clean about high school, there’s no doubt about it. But there is doubt if you’ll even talk to him after he reveals everything.

He plays back your first interaction in his head every night before he goes to sleep. At first, it kept him up at night. You had every right to act as you did towards him, and he tried to play it cool while he was with you, but after you left, he felt like total shit. He put his number in your phone to see how you would react, and he was more than relieved when you kept talking to him.

As he starts to fall asleep, he thinks about what he’s going to say to you. He hopes that when he finally gets the confidence and the chance, he won’t mess it up. He tries to rehearse it in his head, but he falls asleep as soon as he starts.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been asleep, but as he starts to wake up, he hears a familiar voice. “Dude, why are you sleeping on the couch? Get in your bed.” He recognizes that it’s his roommate, but that’s about all he can register. He was a lot more tired than he thought.

He groggily makes his way to his room, and even in the dark, he can easily locate his bed, like it’s calling to him. He sheds his shirt and nearly sighs in comfort at the relief he feels when his body hits the bedsheets. He notices that he can’t stretch out like he wants to, but he’s starting to fall asleep, so he doesn’t worry about it that much. His bed also isn’t cold like it should be, but he gladly accepts the warmth, wrapping his arm around the pillow, and it takes no time for him to fall back asleep.

Ukai notices that the sun is peeking through the blinds as he starts to wake up. He takes a deep breath in, and he swears his nostrils fill with your scent, but this time he’s getting something different. Mango, maybe? He leans further into it, taking another deep breath, and whatever the source may be is soft against his face. He could stay here forever.

He tightens his arm around his pillow, settling in again as the smell starts to put him back to sleep. But he frowns when he faintly notices that his pillow is moving. He slowly opens his eyes, and his heart drops when he realizes that it hasn’t been a pillow all along. His eyes widen when he sees you laying in his arm, and his heart begins to race.

You’re looking right at him, but there’s nothing that can come out of his mouth. You’re just waking up too, and you blink a bit, but there’s no hint of surprise on your face. “Keishin?” you whisper, and he never thought his name could sound so good coming from you.

“Y-Yeah,” he mumbles, and he can feel his face warm at his stuttering, but he gives himself a break because he’s just waking up. You roll over so that your back is fully against the bed, and you rub over your eyes.

“What time is it?”

“It’s only nine-thirty,” he says after he looks at his clock, and you groan softly.

“God, that is too early for a weekend.” He smiles at your sleepy state, and he can’t take his eyes off of you. You raise your arm over your head to stretch, and he notices that your shirt rises, and he can’t help but let his eyes trail down your body. His breath catches in his throat when he sees how high your shorts have ridden up, and there’s only one thing on his mind.

His eyes cut towards you when you call his name again, and he’ll blame his tired brain later, but he leans down closer to you. “Am I dreaming?” he questions, and his hand is itching to touch you, so he carefully puts his hand on your face.

“I don’t think so,” you whisper, and he can barely hear it over the blood pumping in his ears. He glances down at your lips when you lick over them, and there’s no way he’s going to be able to stop himself now.

“Good.” When you don’t make any move to pull away, he takes the opportunity to press his lips to yours. He sighs at how soft your lips are, and he only gets more eager when you kiss him back. You said he wasn’t dreaming, but this sure feels like he is. He pulls away only for a second, missing the feeling of your lips almost the instant he does.

He goes in for another, and you let your arm loosely loop around his neck as you meet him halfway. He groans when you deepen the kiss as you roll over onto your side, and he grabs your leg, putting it over his body. He’s borderline frantic to feel every part of you, and he lets his hand run up your leg, his fingers just barely getting under your shorts.

You move in closer to him, so he allows himself to let his hands drift up further, and your shorts have moved up so high, that they barely get in the way of him feeling even more of your ass. You moan when he pulls back with your lip in between his teeth, and he’s never felt so hot. He stops for a second to look at you, and your heavy breathing is the only thing that can be heard in the room.

Your lips are swollen from his kisses, and your pupils are blown wide as you look up at him, and he thought there was no way you could get any prettier, but right now, you’re proving him wrong again. “Fuck,” he breathes before he leans back in, rolling the both of you over while keeping your leg in his hand.

Your hands rub all over his chest, and you run your hands up his back, and he shudders at the motions, goosebumps rising all over as blood rushes straight to his dick. Your arms find their place around his neck, and he abandons his hold on your leg in favor of letting his weight press into you.

He pulls away to quickly pull your shirt off, and you easily let your upper half lift off the bed so he can do so. His movements slow when his eyes land on your chest, your boobs are basically falling out of the bralette you’re wearing, and his brain short circuits. He can’t think about anything else, and he swallows heavily when you pull the straps down, fully exposing yourself to him.

He lets your shirt fall next to you, and like he’s in a trance, his hands reach up to squeeze at the underside of the fat, and he wants to pinch himself. There’s no way he’s really doing this with you, but he’ll worry about this being a dream later. He kisses you again, feeling like that’s the only way he can regulate his breathing right now as he continues to fondle your tits.

He kisses down your neck, feeling like he might go crazy as he kisses over your chest before he slips one of your nipples in his mouth. He moans when you do, his name slipping from your lips as your hands slip into his hair. He ruts against you, and he’s definitely drooling as he sucks at your chest, but he doesn’t even care.

You pull him back to your face, and he kisses you sloppily, your legs wrapping around his torso when he grinds even harder against you. “K-Kei,” you keen, and he rests his forehead against yours, his pleasure becoming too much for him to continue to kiss you. You arch into him, and he swears when your chest pushes into his. He’s definitely close to cumming, feeling his pleasure start to mount in his spine, and he digs into his teeth into whatever part of your skin he can reach to try and hold himself back as he pulls at your shorts.

Right as he does though, his burst open, scaring the both of you. Ukai quickly falls on his side to hide you, and he looks over his shoulder to see his roommate standing in the doorway. “What?!” he barks, and the guy holds his hands up.

“Sorry, dude,” he laughs before quickly walking back out, slamming the door when he leaves. Ukai doesn’t even want to look at you, the air now becoming awkward in the silence. He slowly turns his head towards you, and when he makes eye contact, you can’t help but laugh. He internally sighs in relief as he laughs with you, and yours dies down when your phone starts ringing.

He hands it to you, and you give him a small smile as you answer it. He doesn’t listen to the conversation because he’s too busy looking at you. His eyes stay on your lips while you talk before they trail down to your chest, and he can see the marks he left on you which causes him to twitch in his shorts.

“Sorry, I totally forgot. I’m leaving right now.” That makes him look up at you, and you hang up the phone, taking a while to meet his eyes. “I forgot I had plans with my roommate today. That was her,” you tell him, and he pushes down the disappointment that he feels, and he thinks that he hears it in your voice; at least he hopes so.

“No, that’s okay. I should probably see what my friend wanted,” he responds, and you quietly grab your clothes and put them back on. He moves over so that you can get out of bed to get to the bathroom, and he releases a heavy breath through his mouth when the door closes.

He runs a hand through his hair as he tries to think about what in the fuck got into him, and he wills his hard-on to go away. He gets off his bed, sliding his shirt on right as you open the door, and he goes in after you. He doesn’t even try to look at himself in the mirror while he brushes his teeth, and when he walks back out, you’re standing by his bed, looking at your phone.

You look up at him when he walks into the room, and he pulls his shirt down to cover himself. “Sorry, I have to leave so suddenly,” you say, and he waves you off.

“It’s okay. We got a lot of work done yesterday, so it’s all good.” You give him a little nod, and he quickly decides to walk towards the door so things don’t get awkward. You follow him out of his room, and his roommate is sitting on the couch when you walk out. He looks over his shoulder just as your grabbing your backpack.

“Sorry for interrupting earlier,” he laughs. “I’m Takinoue.”

Ukai glares at him as you feel your face warm. “Nice to meet you. I’m y/n,” you say softly, and Ukai’s eyes widen when Takinoue’s does.

“Wait, you’re y/n? The girl that–”

“She really has to go, so end of the introduction,” Keishin rushes out, and he pushes you towards the door. While you’re slipping your shoes on, Ukai smacks his friend on the back of the head, but before he can turn around, he’s already slipping his shoes on and walking with you out the door.

Neither of you speaks as he walks you to your car, and he doesn’t know what to say when you finally get there. “Uh, thanks again for the help last night. I really appreciate it,” he eventually says.

“You’re welcome. Just let me know if you need any more help,” you tell him, and that reassures him a bit that maybe you didn’t hate what you both did earlier. But now, he doesn’t whether to wave, hug you, or kiss you. He definitely wants to do the last one; his hands are itching to touch you again, but he doesn’t know if you’d be okay with that.

You break him out of his thoughts when you take a step closer to him and kiss his cheek. His world seems to stop when you do, and you pull away, having a hard time holding his gaze. “See you on Monday, Keishin.”

He’s too dazed to respond, barely remembering you getting in the car, and the next thing he knows, you’re driving away. He doesn’t jump out of it until your car is long out of his sight, and when he finally does, he smiles widely against his will. He softly touches his cheek, and he doesn’t lose the smile on his face as he walks back to his apartment.

But it drops the moment he opens the door and sees his friend’s smug smile. “You weren’t gonna tell me that you’re sleeping with the girl that you’ve been pining over since high school?” he questions, and you Ukai shakes his head as he rolls his eyes.

“We’re not sleeping together, okay? We were just working on a project last night.”

“For what class? Anatomy?” he jokes, and it actually makes him laugh.

“Ha! Good one,” he muses. “But we finished really late, so I let her take the bed. That’s why I was on the couch.” He rubs his hand down his face as he sighs, but it doesn’t take long for him to smile again.

“Well, it looks like you should’ve just taken the bed anyway. You look like a lovesick puppy.”

“Fuck you,” he retorts with no heat behind it, but it’s not like he can deny it. He’s still not sure if he’s dreaming or not, and in the back of his head, he’s waiting for himself to wake up.

“So, what happens now? Are you actually gonna confess to her? You’ve only been waiting for this moment for like, five years.” He hates how he still can’t answer that question. With the way everything is going, he’s thinking that it’ll be better to not tell you the truth, but on the other hand, he wants to come clean to you and tell you everything. And Takinoue’s right, he’s been waiting for a miracle, and it’s finally here.

He thought he would jump at the opportunity, but with the first interaction he had with you, he held back. “I don’t know,” he eventually says.

“Don’t stress it too much, man. As far as I’m concerned, it looks like she feels the same way,” he says, with a hard clap on his back that makes him stumble forward a bit, and it definitely feels intentional. At least now he knows he’s not dreaming. “And that also explains why the apartment was spotless when I got home. Now where’d you put my shit?” he asks, and Ukai lets himself drop his dilemma for now.

When you get home, you close the door behind you and let your back fall against the door. Even if what happened with Ukai was long ago, your heart is still racing just thinking about it. You don’t know what came over either of you, but there’s not a single bone in your body that hated it. You rub your fingers over your lips as your mind starts to replay the events in your head.

You jump when your roommate opens her door, and you quickly stand up. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine,” you say. “It was really late, so I just slept over at his place since I was so tired.” You try to school your expression so that she doesn’t pick up on anything, and you hope the look on your face is convincing enough.

“So, did anything happen?”

“Ah, no. We just worked on our presentation, it was pretty uneventful,” you say, and to be honest, you’re a little bit embarrassed to admit to her what happened. Maybe it’s because you’re still reeling from it. “Just let me hope in the shower, and I’ll be ready to go.”

Surprisingly, she lets you walk past her without saying anything else, and when you get to your room after closing the door, the events of this morning start to hit you. You go from sitting in shock to flailing in one spot just to get it out of you. You take a deep breath, composing yourself before you get in the shower.

Your shower takes a little longer than you anticipated because your thoughts keep running from you in all the wrong ways. You throw some cold water on your face when you get out, telling yourself to get it together. You get dressed, and your friend is waiting at the dining table for you when you walk out.

She looks up from her from, and her words die in her throat when she looks at you. You frown when her smile disappears, and she points an accusing finger at you. “You bitch! You lied to me!” she yells, and you’re still very much confused until you look down at your chest where she’s pointing. Your eyes widen and you feel your face warm when you see hickeys all over your chest.

You don’t know how you didn’t notice until now, but thanks to the low-cut shirt you’re wearing, you almost showed everyone what you were up to this morning. “Um…” you say weakly, covering your chest with your hands. “I’ll go change and we can get out of here,” you try, but you don’t even get to take a step back before she speaks.

“Absolutely not, missy. You sit your ass right here and tell me everything.” You sigh, knowing that she’s going to get it out of you sooner or later, and you sit down across from her. She looks so invested, resting her hands on her face as she leans forward. “So, did you guys sleep together?”

“No,” you start with a shake of your head before you shrug. “Well, kinda. It was really late, and I was tired, so he said I could sleep in his bed. When I woke up, he was there, and…stuff happened.”

“What happened?! Tell me everything!” she presses, and your face gets even hotter just thinking about it.

“We just made out,” you eventually say. “His roommate walked in, so it didn’t go much further than that.” Honestly, you don’t know what you would’ve done if his roommate hadn’t interrupted. You probably would’ve done anything with him at that moment.

“So, how was it?” she presses.

“It was really good,” you gush, a laugh rushing out of your chest. “It was the hottest thing I’ve ever done,” you add, feeling how hot your face is when you put your hands on it.

“I bet,” your roommate laughs. “I can see that you’re flustered from here.” You can’t help but laugh again, putting your hands over your face and sighing. “So, what’s your relationship now?”

“I don’t know. We really didn’t talk about it. Like I said, it was just a kinda spur-of-the-moment thing.”

“Well, I’m getting that it means you’re admitting your feelings for him,” she responds, and move your hands to look at her.

“I’m scared too,” you answer honestly. “I don’t wanna say that, and then he pulls a complete one-eighty on me.”

“That’s understandable, but truthfully, I don’t think he’s the same guy he was in high school. From what you’ve been telling me, it doesn’t sound like he’s going to do that to you.” You let her words bounce around in your head, both of you going silent as you think.

“Maybe,” you say after a while.

“Have some faith, girl. I bet he likes you a lot more than you like him.” Her words make you smile, and then she stands up. “Alright, we need to get a move-on if we want to make it to this thrifting event on time.”

“You were the one who wanted me to tell you about what happened,” you say after you scoff.

“Well, it was only natural. You tell me it was uneventful, but you have hickeys on your chest? I’d be crazy not to ask,” she counters, and she has a point because you would do the same thing if the tables were turned.

You go back into your room to change your shirt, and then you’re walking out the door with your roommate, putting your situation with Ukai to the side for a while.

Monday rolls around faster than you’d like, and you spend all morning thinking about how the conversation with Ukai will go. You’re not dreading it, you’re just more worried about if your conversation will be awkward or not. You get to class pretty early since you woke up early, and you listen to your music as you wait for Ukai to get here.

You pull up the paper that you have to present while you wait, and you read over it just in case. There’s no point in making any changes since you had to submit it to your professor before class, but you still want to go over it anyway. You freeze for a split second when you see Ukai sit down next to you in your peripheral, and you slide your headphone off your head, but you don’t look his way.

“Morning,” you hear him say, and you turn to him, having a hard time keeping your smile small.

“M-Morning.” You pick at the corner of your laptop as you internally roll your eyes at how nervous you are.

“Listen,” he starts, leaning towards you and lowering his voice. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable yesterday–”

“No, it’s okay,” you say, cutting him off. “It was–I, um…I liked it,” you whisper, and there’s no way you can look him in the eyes after saying that. Both of you jump when the professor announces for you to start your presentation.

Thankfully, it goes off without a hitch, the only thing is, you started to notice about halfway through your paper that someone’s glaring at you. You couldn’t figure out who it was while you were reading, but when you start to ask the class questions, you realize it was the girl that tried to talk to Ukai a while ago.

You try not to let it affect you, but you have no idea why she’s staring you down. You don’t know if Ukai notices her too, but before you know it, it’s all over. You sigh quietly in relief when the professor says that class is over, and you both pack up your stuff. You notice that Ukai is walking way closer to you when you walk out of class, and you feel sparks go up your arm every time his hand brushes against yours.

“I’d say we did pretty good,” he says while you both walk.

“Yeah. She seemed really happy with our questions. I have you to thank for that, though. You did most of the work,” you respond.

“I’d say it was pretty even,” he jokes, and you can’t help but laugh. “Our usual spot?” he asks, and you nod even though the both of you are already walking that way.

The area you usually sit in is pretty empty when you get there, and you and Ukai both sit where you usually do. You sit next to him, but there’s no way you can get any work done. Even though it’s quiet, the air between you is stiflingly filled with attraction.

Since you’re not going to get any work done, you carefully lay your head on his shoulder, and you bite your lip to hide your smile when he wraps his arm around you. “You gonna nap?” he asks, you nod as you press further into him.

“Yeah, I’m gonna try.” You turn your face to press it into his shoulder, and you close your eyes as you breathe him in. He smells so good, and it’s nearly too late when you start to realize that you’re getting warm all over. You will yourself to calm down, but there’s no way you’re going to be able to go to sleep, so you keep your eyes open, focusing on what work he’s doing every now and then.

When you feel yourself starting to go to sleep, it’s too late because you feel him shaking you gently to let you know that you have to get to class. He gets up after you do, and you wait for him to put his stuff in his backpack before you leave. When he stands, he’s nearly in your space, but you make no move to step back. You actually want to step closer to him, but you have to remind yourself that you’re not alone.

You look around, and you see that you are, but there’s no way you’d be bold enough to do anything in public anyway. You both look at each other for a second before you move to kiss him on the cheek again. It’s the only thing you bring yourself to do right now. “I’ll see you later,” you whisper when you step back, but you don’t even get a chance to turn around.

He grabs your wrist softly, pulling you into him with his hand on the back of your neck. His lips meet yours for a hungry kiss, and you can’t help but melt into him, and suddenly you’re forgetting about being in public. You’re dazed when you pull away, your breathing ragged as you let your fingers softly touch your lips.

You look around again, and when the coast is clear, you move towards him again, and he holds you closer to him as he deepens the kiss. Fuck, he’s such a good kisser. Every single one makes you feel like you’re floating, but he pulls away the moment you moan. “You should go,” he breathes, his hands resting on your hips. “Cause if you don’t, I won’t be able to let you go.”

You give him a shaky nod, and it seems like it takes forever for you to step back from him, and you nearly don’t, deciding that class isn’t so important anymore. But you really should go. His hands slip from your hips when you move, and it takes everything in you to walk away from him. You give him a small wave, hightailing out of there before you can change your mind.

Turns out, you should’ve just stayed with him because you reply the kiss over and over in your head the whole class period.

“Hey, are you doing anything Friday?” your friend asks, and you look up from your homework.

“No, I don’t think so. Why?”

“Cause my team’s having a mixer, and I can bring a plus-one, and you need to get out. You’ve been studying all week,” she says, and you roll your eyes.

“I don’t know. I don’t really know any of your teammates,” you tell her, and she waves you off.

“Just bring your boyfriend. It’ll be fun.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” you yell, but she’s already walking to her room.

She has a point though. You’ve been nothing but working all week, and the only time you’ve seen Keishin is during class, which always leads to a heated kiss that has you wanting more. Even when you look back down at your work, you don’t want to think about it anymore, so you decide to take the offer.

You text Ukai about it, and he instantly agrees. You start to feel nervous just thinking about it, especially since you don’t attend things like this very often. You’ve been to a few due to your friend’s outgoing nature, but sometimes you just like to be at home watching your favorite show. But, maybe it won’t be so bad since Ukai will be with you.

When Friday rolls around, you’re waiting on your friend to finish getting ready, so you’re sitting on the couch. You offered to drive since you won’t be drinking that much anyway, and you stand when you hear her heels clicking on the floor behind you. “Why are you wearing that?” she asks, and you look down at your outfit.

“What’s wrong with it? I thought you’d like that I’m wearing a dress,” you muse, even though you’re going to be tugging on it all night. It hugs your body way more than you’d like, but you bought it on a whim and you’ve barely worn it.

“I’m talking about the jacket.”

“What’s wrong with the jacket? It’s gonna get cold tonight,” you tell her, genuinely not understanding what she’s getting at.

She rolls her eyes before she plants her hands on her hips. “You can’t show up with a jacket. Now, he can’t give you one.” You instantly understand what she means, and you can’t help but scoff.

“Are you seriously telling me to ditch the jacket just so Ukai will give me his?”

“Uh, duh. Why else would I be telling you this?” You don’t have much of a choice because she pulls it off of you, throwing it on the couch. You don’t have time to protest because even in heels, she’s moving out of the door quickly.

You must be here early because parking isn’t absolute shit yet, and you can feel your nerves start to hit you as you walk up to the house. When you get inside, you quickly realize that this is nowhere near a mixer; it’s a full blown party. Your friend guides you to the kitchen, handing you a drink once she gets there, and her friends find her almost instantly.

They talk to you for a while, and you check your phone to see that Ukai just texted you. Your friend waits for him to get there before she leaves with her friends, and you both find a corner to occupy as the music pounds in your head. “This isn’t really your thing, is it?” He has to lean down to ask you, and you shake your head as you move your hand side-to-side.

“Not really, but my friend thought I should get out since I’ve been studying all week.”

“She sounds like a good friend,” he yells back, and that makes you laugh.

“When she wants to be, yeah.” The room’s starting to fill up, so you grab his hand to find somewhere else to go. You decide to just step outside since they’re playing music that you don’t really listen to. “Did you drive here?” you ask, finally relieved that you can hear yourself think.

“Yeah. I have a friend that’s on the team, so I’m the designated driver tonight.”

“So am I,” you say, taking a sip of the seltzer, and you offer it to him. He takes a swig before he puts the drink down on the half-brick wall that you’re sitting on.

“Are you not cold?” he asks, gesturing to your body, and you nod your head quickly.

“Oh, I definitely am. My friend told me to ditch the jacket though.” He gives you a questioning look, and you chuckle a bit before you explain. “She said if I ditch the jacket, you would give me yours,” you explain. “You don’t have to though,” you add, but he’s already sliding it off, and your eyes land on his arms which look like they might rip the sleeves of his shirt.

He puts it on you, and it’s so warm that you can’t help but curl into the warmth. You stick your arms in the sleeves, and he moves closer to you. You stand so that you can make your way in between his legs, and his hands land on your hips.

“You look good tonight,” he comments, and you hum as you put your hands on his shoulders.

“Yeah?”

He nods. “Especially in my jacket,” he adds, wrapping his arms around you to pull you closer to him.

“And what are you gonna do about it?” you question, and he grabs both sides of his jacket in one hand to pull you down to him.

“I’ll show you,” he whispers against your lips before he kisses you firmly, and you gladly let your weight fall on him. He easily catches you as you move your arms to hang over his shoulders. He keeps one of his arms wrapped around you while the other falls so that he can trail his hand up your leg. You know the goosebumps that rise on your skin aren’t from the cold because your body starting to heat up and he’s barely started kissing you.

His fingers start to reach under the hem of your dress, and it feels so teasing to you that it makes you leak onto your panties. You’re glad you’re in the backyard because you would be embarrassed otherwise at how easily he’s pulling all kinds of sounds from you. He sucks on your tongue, and you’re pretty sure you would let him do anything to you right now.

He groans when you pull at his hair, and his fingers dig into the fat of your ass as his fingers start to inch further up your dress. You jump away from him quickly when someone yells your name, and you look up to see a girl walking up to you. You recognize her as one of your friend’s teammates, and she carefully steps outside, but Ukai doesn’t let you go.

That’s also when you realize that people could see you from inside since the curtains to the backdoor are wide open, but you don’t have time to think about that because she starts talking to you. “We’re playing seven minutes in heaven. You have to play!”

“O-Oh, I don’t know about that–” She cuts you off with a rough yank of your hand that nearly tips you over, and you grab Ukai’s hand also since there’s no way you’re stopping her. She pulls you upstairs, and you all walk into a room that’s filled with people but not as many downstairs. There’s music playing in here, and when she closes the door, the music blasting downstairs is severely muffled.

She pulls you into the circle, and you quickly fix your dress when you sit down to make sure you don’t flash anybody. “God, it’s like she didn’t stop,” you breathe, turning to Ukai when he sits down next to you.

“Yeah, that’s for sure.”

“I’m sure we can just sneak out of here in like, five minutes,” you say, but it’s too late because someone stands up and starts talking. You look around the room, and you start to feel uneasy when you see the same guy that Ukai nearly beat up. He barely spares either of you a glance, and you definitely feel uneasy when you see the girl that shares the same class with the both of you.

She makes eye contact with you, and she gives you a smile that’s all too friendly. There’s no way you can leave now because there’s no point in explaining the rules since everyone knows how to play. You and Ukai are definitely the only sober ones in the room, and you feel anxious as the girl from your class picks you to spin the bottle first.

You do it just to do it so you can get out of here faster because you’d rather be anywhere with Ukai but here. You chew on your lip nervously as the conversation gets quiet while people wait to see who’s going in the closet with you. You nearly slump in relief when it lands on Ukai, and when you look at him, he has a look in his eyes that gets both of your heartbeats racing.

He gets up before you do, pulling you to the closet faster than you can even process what’s going on. When he closes the door, you try to find a light to turn on, but he’s pushing you against the nearest wall before you can. As he pushes you, you feel something cold run across your forehead, and you assume it’s the string to the light, so you try to pull it while he kisses you frantically.

You manage to turn it on, but the moment it happens, you soon forget about it when his lips find your neck. He pulls the jacket off of you, letting it fall to the floor as his hands rub at your thighs. “Keishin,” you whisper, trying to keep your voice down since you don’t know how soundproof the door is.

“I’m so glad it landed on me. I don’t know if I would be able to handle you coming in here with someone else,” he breathes against your skin, and you’re glad it landed on him too, but there’s no way you’re able to tell him that when he pushes your dress up so that it’s bunched at your waist.

He hikes your leg up so that it’s on his waist, and his other hand runs under the side of your panties. You jump when he finally touches you down there, and you hide your face in his hair to try and muffle your moans. He uses his other hand to pull your dress further up your body so until your tits fall out. The straps of the dress were designed where wearing a bra would’ve looked weird, and you don’t regret not wearing one at all right now.

You can’t even begin to try and get a word in when he starts to suck at your tits at the same time he pulls your underwear to the side. You ball his shirt in your fist when he rubs at your clit, and you dig your teeth into the other side of his shirt. You’re glad he has you up against the wall because you definitely would’ve fallen otherwise.

You wanna try and make him feel good too, but he’s got you trapped between him and the wall, and there’s no way you could, so you just let the pleasure overtake you. You feel tears start to form at the corner of your eyes when he slides his fingers into you, and you’re confident the groan he releases is loud enough for everyone outside to hear.

“Oh, God,” you whine. “Oh, God, Kei–” You stand on your toes to the best of your ability when he presses against your walls, and your fingers hurt from how hard you’re gripping his shirt. He finally abandons your chest in favor of watching your face as he fingers you, nudging your head up with his shoulder, and you bite into your lip as your pleasure builds.

“Fuck, baby, you’re so hot,” he moans as he looks at you, and he pulls your lip out from between your teeth.

“T-They’ll hear–me,” you try to whisper.

“I don’t care. Let ‘em hear how good I’m making you feel, baby.” You can’t fight the urge to bite your lip, and you let your head fall back against the wall. You’re definitely starting to get too loud, so he crashes your lips onto his. He swallows every sound you make, pressing up against you even more when he presses on that spot that has you keening into his mouth.

The knock on the door should startle you but it doesn’t. The only thing you care about now is how good you’re feeling. The second round of knocks are harder, and this time you hear a voice, but you don’t know what they’re saying. He kisses you soundly as he slides his fingers out of you, and you don’t hide your disappointment.

He slides his fingers into his mouth, his breathing just as ragged as yours when he pulls them out. “I’m nowhere near done with you,” he whispers, and he fixes your dress right as the door opens. He picks up his jacket off of the floor, and he grabs your hand, making a bee-line for the exit.

He’s suddenly stopped by a familiar face with another familiar face on his arm. “I knew you could do it,” he says, and he hands Ukai some money. You both frown at him, and the girl laughs.

“You won the bet, Ukai,” she says, and you can feel your heart start to race in the wrong way as your hand starts to slip from his. “It only took what? Like two months?”

“You don’t remember the bet we made before school started?” the guy asks, and you start to feel sick, looking over your shoulder to see everyone looking at you. You feel like you might puke as you wretch your hand from him and run out of the room. You hear Ukai call after you but you don’t stop, running down the stairs and pushing past people, ignoring their comments.

You can’t help but let the tears fall when you get outside once the music starts to fade. Your ears are ringing so badly, and your feet are moving you to your car. You let out a sob as you run, and you don’t even hear your name being called behind you. A hand grabs your arm, and you try to shake it off, but it tightens its grip.

“Let me go!” you scream, turning around to see Ukai, and the only thing you see is the guy that let you get bullied in high school. “You’re a piece of shit!”

“Just listen to me,” he tries, but you continue to fight him. “I don’t know what he’s talking about. I didn’t see him until that day!” he says, but you’re not listening.

You stop moving, and he doesn’t let you go. “You’re still that same guy. Nothing fucking changed and I fell for it!” You take the chance to slip out of his grip, and you succeed, making a run for your car. You unlock it, but right as you try to open it, his hand lands on yours.

“Just listen to me, please.”

“No! I don’t want to talk to you.” He turns you around so fast that it almost scares you, and he pushes you against your car door.

“Are you really going to listen to some people that you barely know instead of me?” he questions. Your lip is still wobbling, and you can’t stop the tears that are running down your face.

“It’s not like I have anything else to go off of,” you bite back, and he presses you against the car a little harder when he thinks you might move.

“Yes, you do. And you know it,” he declares. “I have no idea what the fuck they were talking about. I didn’t even know he was going here until I saw him that day. And I haven’t talked to her since that day in class.” You start to calm down, but your heart is still racing a mile a minute. “I really like you, okay?” he starts. “I have since I laid my eyes on you in high school, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell them to stop messing with you. I was more worried about myself.”

His words hang in the air between the two of you, and when you start to relax, he lets you go. “Nothing that I have said or done with you has been a part of some bet. Everything I did was my choice.”

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” you ask, and you hate how your voice trembles.

“You think I threaten to beat him up all for some bet? I’m better than that, and you know it.” He lets his hands fall into your hands, grabbing them soft but his grip is firm. “I would never do something like that to you. I’ve been thinking about telling you the truth ever since I saw you that day, but I thought if I did, you would hate me. I couldn’t live with that, so I stayed quiet.”

You don’t respond, sniffling heavily. “And now I’m realizing that that was the dumbest decision I could’ve ever made. Spending this time with you has been the best moment of my life,” he breathes. “Don’t tell me that you don’t feel the same.”

You can’t even tell yourself that you don’t feel the same. You know from the start that your feelings for him never left, and there was a part of you that just accepted it. But you were so scared to let your guard down, to be vulnerable with him like you are now.

“I really like you. I mean that. And I’m sorry for letting you be hurt all this time.” You let go of his hand so that you can wipe your face.

“It’s not your fault,” you eventually say. “I do feel the same way, but I was scared. Back then and now, I blamed you for the bullying, but it was never your fault.”

“Yes, it was,” he presses, but you stop him.

“No. It wasn’t.” You sniffle again, taking a deep, shaky breath. “I was letting the past dictate my feelings. I shouldnt’ve let their words get to me. But I was scared that you would hurt me if I let you back in.”

“I won’t hurt you again. I promise. I’ll never make you feel like that again.” He lets his head fall on yours as he speaks. “I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you, but I won’t let it happen again.” You pull away, looking in his eyes, and you lean forward to kiss him softly. He lets his hands move to your neck, kissing you back just as softly.

“I believe you,” you whisper when you pull away. “I’m sorry I didn’t before. I really like you, too.” He can’t help but smile, and he kisses you again just because he can.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” you ask, frowning a bit.

“For letting me say what I’ve always wanted to say. I thought I lost my chance forever.” You shake your head, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him again.

“No,” you say. “Now you have me forever.”

#keishin ukai #ukai keishin #ukai keishin smut #keishin ukai smut #ukai smut #keishin ukai x black!reader #ukai keishin x black!reader #haikyuu!! smut #haikyuu smut #hq!! smut #hq smut #haikyuu!! x black!reader #haikyuu x black!reader #hq!! x black!reader #hq x black!reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #hq!!#hq

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ilygetou · 2 years

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WEEK TWO DAY ONE | NON CON + DEGRADING. FT. ARMIN ARLERT.

PAIRING: armin alert x fem! reader.

C/W: non consensual, creampie, degrading, slight brat-taming, mean! armin, cursing, kinda of ooc cause armin is very sweet & nice but he's very mean here, MINORS DNI!!

N0TE: bro this is kinda rushed + i'm slowly starting to lose motivation for kinktober since my posts aren't appearing in the tags.

P.S: not much degrading, since i forgot this was supposed to have so much degrading in it, sorry for the girlies that have a degrading kink and have been waiting for this, i failed you </3

armin was tired of it. he was tired of you using him. he was so tired of you talking to him just for work.

notes? armin. homework? armin. classwork? armin. projects and assignments? armin.

“armin, homework?” you would always ask to copy form him and he always answers you with a grin on his face, his eyes soft as he hands you the work. even though, deep down, armin was filled with hatred and loathe.

armin is disgusted by you, armin hates you.

but always late at night, armin would find himself fisting his cock to the thought of you, getting off to the thought of you sucking his cock.

armin was more disgusted by himself than you, how can he get aroused by a girl like you? a girl that doesn‘t care about her friends or anyone‘s feelings – a girl who only cares about herself and doen‘t even know what’s happening around her, a girl who uses others to benefit for herself.

but still, everyday, every single fucking day, armin would be stroking his cock while he scrolls through your instagram and zooms on pictures of you with your cleavage out, your ass, zooms on your panties when you have your legs slight apart or when you’re wearing a short skirt revealing your panties to anyone who prays attention to the photo. armins least favorite part was the comment section, opening the comments just to find a bunch of men thirsting over you, along with his friends too.

he would always grip his phone with anger, and immediately log out of his account.

today, as soon as armin finished masturbating a sudden text from you popped up in his notifications.

“todays notes? pretty please :(”

armin huffs in annoyance, all of his hatred towards you comes running straight back. but armin still obliges, sending you an “ok :)” and then sending you the notes right after, without any hesitation.

but after days passed, armin started actually getting sick of you. why don’t you ask someone else for the notes? why don’t you pay attention in class? he was tired of it.

armin started ignoring you, his phone was blowing up with message from you and armin thanked god that you guys got a week off otherwise he probably won’t handle your whining and complaining.

this led you to showing up to armins doorstep, banging on his apartment door. “armin! s’ me!” and he would immediately recognize your voice, armin would let out a scoff as he gets up from his desk to unlock the door. And as soon as he does, you were met with a exhausted looking armin, eye bags under his eyes indicting that he has been studying the whole week with no rest at all.

without wasting a second, you invited yourself into his apartment, “what? do you need anything?” armin said, nonchalantly. a quick fake pout covered your face, “whaat? are you not happy to see me?” you whined to which armin clicked his tongue at.

you quickly brushed it off and went straight to the reason on why you’re here; “why haven’t you been answering my messages?” you said with your phone in your hand, shaking it in your hand while having the chat between you and armin open – showing him how much you’ve been spamming.

“m’ busy,” armin quickly said to which you frowned at, “busy doing what?” to which armin quickly response with; “studying.” you let out a scoff, “yeah right, for a whole week?” armin shrugged to which you clenched your fists at, “busy studying y/n, i don’t have time unlike you” you felt anger boil up inside you by armins words, “i’m busy too!” armin let’s out a chuckle, “busy doing what? busy partying? busy sleeping with a new man every day?” your eyes widened, “what the fuck, armin?”

armin walked back to his desk – he seated himself on his chair, and held his pen in-between his fingers, “do you need anything, y/n?” you almost wanted to say no but who else would send you the notes other than armin? “yeah, need you send me all the notes from last week,” a small smirked formed on the corner of armins lips he placed his hand on his chin before he started speaking.

“sure, i’ll send you the notes” a smile of victory covered your face before armin started speaking again, “but, only if you let me have s-sex with you” armin stuttered – his shy personality still there. your smile immediately dropped when you heard armin, “with you? you’re probably a virgin” you chuckled before armin got up from his place and cornered you between the wall.

“i am?” it was armins turn to laugh, his hands roamed your body, “do you want the notes or not?” armins hand slowly made their way under your shirt – making contact with your breasts. “i-i do!” your breathe hitched, your eyes widened. the armin right now, is a different armin.

armin tucked down your shirt, your tits bouncing from the impact, “no bra?” armin snickered before he started toying with them, pinching and twisting your nipples, enjoying your reactions. as you squirm underneath him.

his hand making their way downwards, toying with the end of your underwear. his pointer finger rubbing your cunt from above the fabric, creating a wet damp on your panties. “oh? you’re enjoying this? what a slut.”

you shook your head, “no, not a slut” you managed to let out – armin gripped your hair, forcing you to maintain eye contact with him. “don’t lie y/n, don’t even try to deny it. i see you throwing yourself at a new guy every day, pressing your breasts against him as you ask for help with your homework later at your place just for it to end up with you stuffed full of his cock, am i right?” for armin, that was just guess. everything he said was a guess. but he knew he was right when he saw how your eyes widened at his words.

“seems like i’m right” he whispered into your ears, you were slightly trying to break free from armins grip on you – but he was way too far stronger than you. “don’t even try,” armin was staring at you from above, his eyes full of hatred.

armin carried you and then seated you on his desk, pushing his books and papers aside. armin forcefully spread your legs apart, “s-stop..” armin shushed you – a wide evil smirk on the corner of his lips, armin pulled your panties before he let’s go of them, watching as they snap back to your aching cunt “this thing is in my way,” armin spoke – referring to your white panties that was keeping armin away from your slicked cunt.

without any hesitation, armin ripped your panties, causing you to let out a gasp — “what the fuck! n-no!” armin let out a light chuckle at your reaction, his blonde hair covering his eyes as he laughed at your weak state.

your dripping cunt was on full display for armin, your wet folds and your tight hole fully exposed for armin to see. armin’s cock throbbed in his pants as he stared at your pussy, he licked his lips before he tugged down his pants, his cock sprung out, causing you to slowly back away.

“want you to help me” armin slurred, you shook your head, repeating “no” as armin got closer to you. “you can’t say no, no isn’t an option.” tears started to swell up at the corner of your eyes and armin could almost feel bad, but the memory of you using him encourages him to continue his vile acts.

armin gave his cock a few strokes before lining it up your entrance, teasing your cunt by pushing his length in and slowly slipping it out — his tip nudging your clit which made you cover your mouth to stop any sounds from slipping. armin then forcefully shoves his cock deep within your pussy, a groan follow right after. “pussy so warm” armin said as he slowly starts thrusting into you.

armin dick was dragging along your velvet colored walls, his thrusts slow and gentle, not breaking his rhythm. “already so obsessed with this slutty pussy, so tight & warm, fuck.” armin uttered. armins thrusts slowly turned into rough-fast thrusts, his hips bucking into you aggressively.

you finally decided to give up and let your moans fall from your lips as armin continued to ruin & abuse your pussy with his mean, rough thrusts. “you like this, don’t you? always having different men use this pussy of yours, s’ finally my turn” armin spat. slight groans left armin as your cunt fluttered around his dick, deliciously.

while armin was whispering degrading words into your ears, he was getting closer & closer to his climax. “oh fuck, getting close, shit.” his dick was hitting your deepest spot, that spongy spot that made you feel so good and made you moan out loudly.

your cries mixed with your moans had armins cock twitch inside your cunt, “ah — fuck!” armin hisses, his thrusts not losing their rhythm, despite turning messy and sloppy.

“g’nna cum, fuckfuck!” armin let out a loud muffled moan as he emptied his balls, deep inside your pussy. his hot spurts making you feel so full.

armins breath hitched, letting out low pants. as soon as armin settled down from his high orgasm, he pulled out of your cunt, slowly. his semen dripping from your entrance and ruining the desk.

armin hummed in satisfaction, a smile of victory on plastered on his face. your messy cunt, your crying face, that was all caused by armin.

armin was proud of himself.

“maybe, you’re g’nna have to do this everytime you want something from me, how about that?” armin questioned in delight. you couldn’t respond, just sobbing silently.

“will take this as a yes, now go on & get yourself cleaned — don’t wanna have you staying here for too long.” armin was ready to leave before he adds on; “ah, also, will send you the notes later, thank you for entertaining me for a bit.” you watched as armin left to clean himself in the bathroom, causing you to cry much harder.

no matter how much you cry though, armin was certain that you will be coming back here, crawling. begging him to send you all the work.

#aot smut #attack on titan smut #aot x reader #armin smut #armin x y/n #armin x reader #armin aot #aot x you #attack on titan x reader

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dianawinchester03 · 2 months

Text

Season 1, Episode 14 - Nightmare

Series Masterlist

Y/N's POV

A man pulls into his garage with Michigan license plates while playing rock music.

He turns off his engine and the music stops when suddenly the garage door closes for itself.

He's startled by this and looks around suspiciously but ignores it until suddenly the doors in his car begin to lock itself.

He tries to unlock it but the engine starts itself and smoke begins to barrel out of the muffler.

He tries turning it off but the keys stuck and the radio turns on, flipping through channels on its own.

The smoke begins to surround the car and enter through the vents, causing him to choke and cough.

He tries urgently to get out but he's trapped, the smoke engulfing his lungs as he begins to scream "Somebody help me!" But no one can hear him.

Soon after he tries kicking the window out but it won't budge and he eventually passes out, dying of asphyxiation.

I jump awake in my bed next to Sam and Dean in the three bedded motel room after that nightmare, sweat beading down my neck. I instantly throw my covers off and bolt to the bathroom to see Sam leaning over the sink, throwing water in his face. He sighs when he sees me and gives me a knowing look.

"You dreamt it too, didn't you?" He asks me and I nod shakily. He moves aside so I can wet my face too, rubbing my back as I try to gasp for air. "What the fuck is going on man?" I ask him, rubbing my face and he shrugs, not knowing what to say.

I walk back to the room and Sam turns on the lights while I shake Dean awake, "Dean, hey charming wake up" I shake him awake gently and he groans. "What're you doing princess?? It's the middle of the night" He groans, getting up as Sam begins to pack our bags.

"We have to go" Sam says urgently and I nod, going to pack my stuff as Dean looks at us confused. "What's happening?" He asks us, concerned. "Just trust us, okay? We have to go. Right now" I plead with him and he sighs, throwing the covers over him.

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"McReady. Detective McReady. Badge number 158. I've got a signal 480 in progress. I need a registered owner of a Sedan. Michigan license plate Mary-Frank-six-zero-three-seven" Sam says into the phone while impersonating a detective to get a location on the car that was in our dream while we make our way to Michigan in the Impala.

"Yeah, okay, just hurry" He urges the officer on the other line. "Sammy, y/n/n, relax. I'm sure it's just a nightmare" Dean assures him and my head snaps up at this. "Yeah, tell us about it" I mutter sarcastically. "I mean it. You know, a normal everyday, naked in class nightmare. This license plate, it won't check out, you'll see" Dean tells us convinced.

I huff and roll my eyes, "It felt different Dean. Real. Like when we dreamt about your old house." I say and Sam nods in agreement. "And like when I dreamt about Jessica" Sam adds, the phone still to his ear. "Yeah, that makes sense. You guys were dreaming about our house, Sam's girlfriend. This guy you dreamt, you ever seen him before?" Dean asks us.

And I sigh, shaking my head. "No. Exactly. Why would you two have premonitions about some random dude in Michigan?" Dean asks. "I don't know" Sam snaps. "Me neither" I add. "Yes I'm here" Sam says into the phone and then looks over at Dean with an 'I told you so' look on his face. He picks up his pen and begins writing.

"Jim Miller. Saginaw, Michigan. Do you have a street address?" He asks the officer. "Got it. Thanks" He finishes before hanging up. "So it checks out" I sigh and Sam nods sadly. "How far are we?" I ask Dean and he looks at me. "From Saginaw?" He asks. "Yeah" Sam responds. "A couple hours" Dean replies.

"Drive faster" Sam urges him and he picks up the pace.

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Saginaw, Michigan

In less than a couple hours, we make it to Michigan. Pulling up infront of Jim Millers house that's swarming with cop cars, we see a ambulance that's loading up a stretcher with what seems to be a dead body. The boys and I look on in disappointment.

We get out of baby and approach the scene, my chest heaving with anxiety. "What happened?" Dean asks one of the many onlookers, "Suicide. I can't believe it" She responds, shaking her head in disbelief. Sam and I share a look before he asks, "Did you know him?"

"Saw him ever Sunday at St. Augustine's. He always seems-" She begins and sighs, before correcting her statement. "-Seemed so normal. I guess you never know what's going on behind closed doors" She says sadly. "I guess not" I mutter to myself. "How did...uh...How're they saying it happened?" Sam asks curiously.

"I heard they found him in the garage, locked inside his car with the engine running" She tells us and we all share stunned looks. "Do you know what time they found him?" I ask her. "It just happened about an hour or two ago. His poor family. I can even imagine what they're going through" She says pity filly and my heart drops as the woman by the front door sobs into the officers chest.

An hour or two ago. It basically happened moments after our dreams. Holy shit.

I can't take this anymore, the surroundings were just so depressing, dark. I decide to walk back to the car and the boys noticed this, following behind me. Sam looks at me with anguish in his eyes, sighing pained. We both lean against baby and Dean approaches us. "Guys, we got here as fast as we could" Dean assures us and we shake our heads.

"Not fast enough" I clench my jaw. "This doesn't make any sense, guys. Why would we have these premonitions unless there was a chance we could stop them?" Sam asks and I shrug, shaking my head. "I don't know" Dean responds. "So what do you think killed him?" I ask them sighing.

"Maybe the guy just killed himself. Maybe there's nothing supernatural going on at all" Dean suggests and I scoff shaking myself, Sam does the same. "I'm telling you. We watched it happen" I try to convince him and Sam nods in agreement. "He was murdered by something, Dean. It trapped him in the garage" I tell him.

"Like what? A spirit? A poltergeist?" Dean asks, agitated and unconvinced. "I don't know what it was. I don't know what we're having these dreams. I don't know what the hell is happening, Dean." Sam snaps and Dean looks between the two of us, an unreadable emotion in his eyes.

"What?" I ask him. "Nothing, sweetheart. I'm just worried about you two" He sighs. "Well don't look at us like that" Sam retorts. "I'm not looking at you like anything" Dean says back defensively. "Yes you are. You're looking at us like we're crazy" I add and he shakes his head. "Though I gotta say, you two look like crap" Dean jokes and I roll my eyes, scoffing.

"Nice, thanks. Just what every girl wants to hear" I mutter sarcastically and he chuckles. "Yeah well....come on , let's just pick this up in the morning, alright?" Dean moves to go back to the car. "We'll check out the house, we'll talk to the family" He says, opening the door to the drivers side.

"Dean, you saw them. They're devastated. They're not gonna wanna talk to us" Sam says and Dean nods. "Yeah, you're right. But I think I know who they will talk to" He tells us and we look at him confused. "Who?" I ask, cocking my eyebrow while he just looks at us with a sly smile. Me and Sam exchange looks that say, 'We're gonna regret asking'

________________________________

"You've had some bad ideas, Winchester, but this. This takes the fucking cake" I growl in annoyance, fixing my coif and adjusting my nun gown as we walk up the porch to the Miller residence. Dean had the wonderful idea to dress up as priests and a nun to infiltrate Jim Millers wake.

Him and Sam were dressed in traditional priests outfits while I was dressed in a long ass gown and a coif over my head. This certainly just adds to my religious trauma, not making it any freaking better.

Dean just chuckles as Sam sighs, "This has gotta be a whole new low for us" Sam shakes his head disappointed while Dean smirks, flashing me a wink. "I don't know, I'm digging the whole nun thing" He smirks at me, allowing his eyes to roam up and down me and I smack his arm.

"Shut up before I drown you in holy water boy" I grumble and he laughs as I reach over and ring the doorbell. A couple seconds later, a middle aged man answers the door and we all plaster fake smiles on our faces. "Good afternoon. I'm Father Simmons, this is Father Frehley and Sister Criss." Dean smiles, introducing us.

"They're new junior priests over at St. Augustine's church and I'm a nun of the church. May we come in?" I say sweetly and the man looks at us with a sad smile on his face, nodding and welcoming us in. "Thanks" Dean says nicely before turning to us with a smug look on his face as he walks in.

"We're very sorry for your loss" Sam extends his condolences to the man who nods gratefully and locks the door behind us. "It's in difficult times like these when the Lord's guidance is most needed-" Dean begins to preach his bull but the man cuts him off. "Look. You wanna pitch your whole 'Lord has a plan' thing? Fine. Don't pitch it to me. My brothers dead" The man puts it bluntly, surprising all of us.

"Roger, please" A woman's voice behind us booms at the man and he sighs, putting his hands up defensively before excusing himself. "Excuse me" He says to us and he walks off. "I'm sorry about my brother in law. He's just so upset about Jim's death" The woman who snapped at Roger, holding a tray apologizes.

We all nod understanding, "It's okay ma'am. Grief affects everyone differently" I assure her with a kind smile, she returns it and interns, "Would you like some coffee?" She offers us. "That'd be great" Dean says giving her a smile.

We're all now on the couch as she pours three mugs of coffee, "It was wonderful of you to stop by. The support of the church means so much right now" Mrs. Miller thanks us gratefully, handing each of us a mug of coffee. "Of course. After all, we are all Gods children" Dean says in a kind tone.

I hold back my snicker at this and Sam watches him weirdly. Dean is currently seated next to me and Sam across from us. The woman nods before walking off, while Dean grabs a sausage from the plate and stuffs it in his mouth. I roll my eyes and give him a disapproving look. Sam does the same at this, scoffing and Dean asks us.

"What?" His mouth stuffed with sausage. "Just tone it down a little bit....Father" I warn him and Sam nods. Dean gives me a sly smirk, leaning in towards me, "That's not the term I'd prefer but I'll take it" He whispers in my ear quietly so Sam doesn't hear. I give him a puzzled look before realization dawns on me and I stare at him agape.

That kinky son of a bitch. I nudge him in his arm a little roughly and he snickers at the blush that's taking over my face. "Shut up you pig" I grumble back at him, clearing my throat. Sam looks at us confused but chooses to ignore it with a raised eyebrow, thankfully. I'm not gonna lie, Dean in that priest outfit slightly has me going for some odd reason.

Dear God, I'm in need of an exorcism because who in their right mind finds a priest outfit attractive?

I could feel Deans eyes roam up and down me, getting the feeling he's just as turnt on as I am right now but now is not the time or the place. I bite my lip slightly to relieve some tension from myself as Mrs. Miller comes next to me and takes a seat.

"So, Mrs. Miller, did your husband have any history of depression?" I ask her gently. "Nothing like that" She says shaking her head and we nod understandingly. "We had our ups and downs like everyone. But we were happy" She tells us honestly, tears welling up in her eyes as her voice cracks. "I just don't understand how Jim could do something like that" She sobs, wiping her tears.

We all look at her, pity etched on our faces. "I'm so sorry you had to find him like that" Sam says sincerely, my heart grieving for the poor woman. "Actually, our son, Max....he was the one who found him" She tells us, pointing to the young man sitting by himself in the far corner of the room.

"Do you mind if I go talk to him?" I ask her and she nods gratefully. "Oh, thank you, Sister" She says gratefully, "I'll go too" Sam chimes him and she sobs. "Thank you Father" She adds and we give her a kind smile. I lean over and put my hand on hers. "God is with you always" I tell her softly and she nods sniffling, leaning over to give me a hug.

I return the hug and soon after letting go, me and Sam get up and walk over to Max, leaving Dean with Mrs. Miller. "Max? Hey, I'm Sam and this is Y/N" Sam introduces us, pulling a chair for me to sit and then another for himself.

I put my hand out to shake Max's hand, which he accepts and the second I take his hand. I feel an odd chill rise at the back of my neck. Max quickly pulls back and I look at him weirdly, almost as if he felt the same thing I did. I clear my throat and pretend as if I didn't feel it but but Sam noticed the interaction.

"So, what was your dad like?" I ask Max casually. "Just a normal dad" He says plainly, a troubled look in his eyes. "Yeah. And you live— You live at home now?" Sam asks him. "Yeah" He answers quietly, his whole demeanor seems off putting. Granted he did find his dad dead so he's grieving but something about him seems....off.

"I'm trying to save up for school, but it's hard" He tells us sadly. "So when you found your dad...." I ask him warily and he takes a deep breath. "I woke up...I heard the engine running.....I don't know why he did it" He pauses between each sentence, horrified. We give him a sympathetic look before Sam says,

"I know it's rough losing a parent. Especially when you don't have all the answers" Sam says calmly, Max doesn't answer but instead looks at us with a tearful expression.

________________________________

Later at the motel, Dean is fixing up his guns while Sam is sticking up any information and research on the walls and I'm by the window smoking a cigarette. "So what do you have?" Dean asks us. "Well I have nothing" I tell him, taking a drag from my cigarette and dusting the ash in the ashtray.

"Same here. Nothing bad has happened in the Miller house since it was built" Sam tells us. "What about the land?" Dean asks, blowing his gun as he cleans it. "No graveyards, battlefields, tribal lands or any kind of atrocity on or near the property" Sam says walking towards his bed and sitting on it.

I sigh as I crush my now finished bud in the tray and discard the ashes in a bin next to my bed. "Hey man, I told you guys. I searched that house up and down. There were no cold spots, no sulfur scent, nada" Dean says as he fixes his gun. "Family said everything was normal?" I ask him, taking a seat next to Sam.

"Well, I mean. If there was a demon or poltergeist, don't you think somebody would've noticed something?" Dean asks rhetorically and we sigh. "I used the infrared thermal scanner, Princess. There was nothing" He assures me and I nod. "So, what, you think Jim Miller killed himself and our dream was just some sort freakish coincidence" Sam suggests as Dean cocks his gun.

"I don't know. I'm sure there's nothing supernatural about that house" Dean shrugs. "Yeah. Well. Maybe you know, maybe it has nothing to do with the house" I suggest and Dean looks at me confused. "I don't know man. When I shook Max's hand. I got this odd feeling....I'm sure he felt it too" I admit, I could feel a pressure rising in my head like a headache.

"Your ESP feeling you mean?" He asks, cocking his eyebrows and I roll my eyes in annoyance as the pressure builds. "Hey, I'm not judging" He defends and just hold my head, Sam doing the same. "Forget it" I mumble. "I noticed it too. He was quick to pull back when you shook his hand" Sam chimes in, giving me a look. "Maybe I'm just being paranoid" I sigh rubbing my head groaning.

"Maybe, it's just- Gosh!" Sam groans, holding his head like me in pain. "Maybe it's connected to Jim in some other way" He says holding his head. "What's wrong with you two?" Dean asks us concerned. "Holy fuck!" I scream, gasping as a blinding pain succumbs me, making me double over in pain.

"Ah! My head!" Sam screams just like me, falling into the ground next to me. "Sam? Y/N?" Dean calls out to us concerned, rushing over to us. "Hey! Hey! What's going on? Talk to me!" He grabs both of us by our shoulders, shaking us as we groan from the blinding pain. As he holds onto us, I see a flashing light that goes into a vision.

Roger walking into an apartment with groceries in his hands.

He rests the bag on a counter and opens a beer, taking a sip when a dark figure walks past him.

Suddenly his window opens on its own, sliding up. He notices this and goes over, closing it and locking it.

He goes back to his groceries and begins packing them in the fridge, only for the lock to unhook own it's down, the window sliding up again, as if someone or something is controlling it.

He turns around slowly to see the window open again, taking a sip from his beer, going over again to try and close it again but it won't budge.

He's confused by this and sticks his head out the window to try and see what's holding it open, only for the window to snap shut in an instant, decapitating him. Blood splattering.

Now I see Dean infront of me again, looking at me and Sam in a panicked concern. Sam has a look of horror on his face and I gasp in shock. "It's happening again!" I gasp lowly. "Somethings gonna kill Roger Miller!" Sam says urgently to Dean.

________________________________

Now we're all in the Impala, rushing over to Rogers apartment. "Roger Miller?...No, No. Just the address please" Sam says into the phone. My head still hurts from the vision, I can't believe that this is happening. "Okay, thanks" He says lowly, hanging up the phone, groaning in pain from his headache like me.

"450 West Grove. Apartment 1120" He tells us the address. "You two okay??" Dean asks us concerned as he drives. "Yeah" I respond and Sam nods. "If either are you are gonna hurl, I'll pull the car over because the upholstery-" Dean goes to say but I cut him off. "We're fine. Right Sam?" I turn to Sam who nods.

"I'm fine" Sam assures him. "Just drive" I order him pleadingly. "Yes ma'am" He responds, speeding up. Sam sighs, "Guys, I'm scared man" Sam admits. "Yeah, me too" I agree. "These nightmares were bad enough. Now we're seeing things while awake?" Sam rants. "And these visions or whatever...they're getting more intense and painful" I admit.

"It fucking hurts man" Sam groans. "Come on guys. It'll be alright. You two will be fine" Dean assures us. "What is it about the Millers? Why are me and Y/N connected to them? Why are we watching them die?" Sam asks, turning to me and Dean. I can't answer and neither can Dean. "Why is this happening to us?" Sam asks frustrated and I shake my head.

"I don't know, Sam. but we'll figure it out, okay?" I try to reason. "Y/N's right. We face the unexplainable everyday. This is just another thing." Dean says and Sam shakes his head. "No. It's never been us. It's never been in our family like this. It makes sense for Y/N because her mother was psychic but why me? It makes no sense." Sam says.

"No offense, y/n/n. But you get what I mean?" He says apologetically and I nod in response. "I get it. Don't worry" I assure him with a soft smile. "Tell the truth, Dean. You can't tell me this doesn't freak you out" I turn to Dean, he takes a second to answer but says firmly, "This doesn't freak me out" Me and Sam scoff, not convinced.

I can see the look of contemplation in his eyes through the rearview mirror as his eyes flicker over to me. I give him a look that says, 'You're a terrible liar' but he just shakes his head at me with a sad look in his eyes.

________________________________

We pull up to Rogers apartment complex just in time to see him walking in with a bag of groceries. "He's walking in" I nudge the boys to draw their attention to him. "Hey Roger!" Sam shouts from the car as Dean parks. "Hey, holdup a second!" Dean calls out for him.

He turns around and scoffs in annoyance when he sees us. "What're you guys, missionaries? Leave me alone!" He shouts back, "Please!" I call out for him and Dean quickly parks. We all bolt out of the vehicle. "Hey, Roger! We're trying to help!" Sam shouts pleadingly, running towards the building entrance, I run behind him.

"Please. Hey! Hey! Hey!" I beg but Roger quickly shuts the door and locks it. Me and Sam bang against it. "I don't want your help" He says angrily and walks upstairs, Dean catches up to us. "We're not priests! You have to listen to us!" Sam tries to reason. "Roger you're in danger!" Dean shouts but he's already gone.

We groan in annoyance and a thought flashes in my head. "Come on, come on, come on" Dean runs to the side, I run behind realizing he had the same idea. Sam following behind me. We end up in the back but the gate is locked. Dean quickly raises his foot and busts down the door and I give him a look of impress.

We run inside to the fire escape and Sam jumps up, climbing up the side. The height is a bit so Dean gives me a boast so I can climb up behind Sam and Dean follows behind us. We quickly run up the side at least six stories when suddenly we hear a window slam shut. My heart beats out of my chest and we all freeze for a moment, sharing a look of horror before bolting back into action.

We finally reach a window that's covered in blood splatters, dripping down the window just like my vision and I gag in disgust, knowing that the vision came through and Roger was decapitated. Sam behind me sees this, his expression etched with horror at the sight.

Dean thinks quickly and hands us each a rag that he had in his pocket. "Here. Start wiping down your fingerprints. We don't want the cops to know we were here. Go. Go. Come on!" He urges us while we're still in a state of shock. I nod curtly, taking the rags and handing Sam one. We begin to wipe the railing and Dean says.

"I'm gonna take a look inside" He tells us, opening another window that leads to Rogers apartment and climbing inside. Me and Sam gulp as we continue to wipe down our fingerprints, tears welling up in his eyes. "We tried to warn him" I say to him quietly. He doesn't answer and just continues to wipe. I can't even fathom what just happened.

"I'm telling you guys, there was nothing in there. There's no signs either, just like the Millers house" Dean tells us as we walk back to Baby. "I saw something in the vision, like a dark shape. Something was- Something was stalking Roger" I admit to them and Sam looks at me surprised. "I saw it too, it was weird" He confesses and I nod.

"Well, whatever it was. I'm pretty sure it's not connected to their house" Dean says as we cross the road, walking towards baby. "No, but it's connected to the family itself" Sam says. "So what do you think? Like a vengeful spirit?" I suggest. "Yeah, maybe. There's a few that have been known to latch onto families. Follow them for years" Dean agrees, opening his car door.

"Angiaks. Banshees" Sam lists as we jump into Deans car. "Basically like a curse" Dean says as we close our doors. "So maybe Roger and Jim Miller got involved in something heavy. Something curse worthy" Dean says. "And now something's out for revenge. And the men in their family are dying" I add.

"Hey, you think Max is in danger?" Sam suggests. "Let's figure it out before he is" Dean says, starting the engine. "Well, I know one thing we have in common with these people" Sam says. "What's that?" I ask as Dean looks over at his brother questionably. "All of our families are cursed" Sam says ironically chuckling a bit and so do I.

"Our families are not cursed" Dean defends. "We just....had our dark spots" He lamely puts it, causing me and Sam to chuckle at this. "Our dark spots are...pretty dark" I retort sassily and Sam nods in agreement. Dean smirks at my sass, "You're...dark" He lamely counters again, making us laugh a bit before driving off.

________________________________

The next day, we're now back at the Miller residence, dressed up again in our priest and nun attire. "My moms resting. She's pretty wrecked" Max tells us. "Of course" Dean responds understandably. "All these people kept coming with, like, casseroles. I finally had to tell them all to go away" Max complains.

"You know, because nothing says 'I'm sorry' like a tuna casserole" He mutters sarcastically. Me and Sam lightly chuckle at the irony of his statement. Max notices and cracks a bit of a smile at our light expressions. Dean then takes a seat on the couch, I settle next to him on his left and Sam settles on my left, sandwiching me between the boys.

"How're you holding up?" I ask Max gently. "I'm okay" He sighs and I give him a sympathetic look. "Your dad and your uncle were close?" Sam asks. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, they were brothers. They used to hang out all the time when I was little" He informs us, a pained look on his face at the mention of his childhood.

"But not lately, much?" I ask. "No, it's not that. It's just- We used to be neighbors when I was a kid. We lived across town in this house and....Uncle Roger lived next door, so he was over all the time" Max tells us, sounding a bit fearful. "Right. So how was it in that house when you were a kid?" Sam asks. "It was fine" Max responds quietly, a pained expression on his face.

As if he's reminiscing about something terrible, I look over at Dean who's intently taking in Max's shaky demeanor, "Why?" Max asks, almost on edge. "All good memories?" Dean queries curiously, Max's face slowly drops. "Do you remember anything unusual? Something involving your father and your uncle, maybe?" Dean asks but Max shakes his head.

Almost guilty, as if he's hiding something, I cock my eyebrow at this, "Why do you—? Why do you ask?" He stutters, feigning a smile on his face. "Just a question, hun" I assure him, the boys notice his shift in demeanor, Sam is now a bit on edge. Max then takes a deep breath and answers. "No. There was nothing. We were totally normal" Max assures us, trying to be convincing but we don't bite the bait.

"Happy" He adds. "Good. That's good" Dean responds, looking over at me and Sam. "Well, you must be exhausted. We should take off" I turn to the boys and they nod. "Right. Yeah. Thanks" Sam greets Max, giving him a tight smile. "Yeah" Max responds quietly as we walk out.

Now walking back towards Deans car, "Nobody's family is totally normal and happy" Dean comments as we walk back. "I mean, did you see when he was talking about his house?" I add. "He sounded scared" Sam responds and I nod. "Max isn't telling us everything. I say we go find the old neighborhood. Find out what life was really like for the Millers" I suggest as I take my coif off, tossing it in the backseat.

I open the door and jump in as the boys do the same.

________________________________

A little later, we're at the old neighborhood across town that the Millers used to live, questioning their old neighbor. "Have you lived in the neighborhood very long?" I ask the man sweetly and he nods. "Yeah, almost 20 years now" He responds kindly. "It's nice and quiet. Why? You looking to buy?" He asks curiously.

"No. No. Actually, we were just wondering if you might recall a family that used to live right across the street" Sam tells him. "Yeah. The Millers. They had a little boy named Max" Dean informs him. "Right" I nod and the man's face drops. "Yeah, I remember them. The brother had the place next door" He says, pointing to the house next door.

"So, what's this about? That poor kid okay?" He asks us concerned and my heart pangs when he says this. "What do you mean?" Sam asks, his expression mirroring mine. "All my life, I've never seen a child treated like that" The man tells us sadly, my stomach beginning to churn. "I mean. I'd hear Mr. Miller yelling and throwing things clear across the street. He was a mean drunk. He used to beat the tar out of Max" He informs us.

The boys expression contort to a sympathetic one. "Bruises. Broke his arm two times that I know of." He adds sadly and I clear my throat. "And this was going on regularly?" I ask lowly. "Practically every day" He says, clenching his jaw in disgust. Me and Sam's heads drop as he continues to explain."In fact that thug brother of his was just as likely to take a swing at that boy. But the worst part was the stepmother" He explains, his tone dropping, my eyebrow cocking at the word 'stepmother'.

I could feel the pressure of the headache from last night building up again in my head but I try to ignore it as he talks. "She'd just....stand there, checked out. Never lifted a finger to protect him. I must've called the police seven or eight times. Never did any good" He tells us. From the corner of my eye I can see Sam's face contort from pain like mine, the blinding headache splitting across my forehead.

"You said stepmother" Dean voices my thoughts. "I think his real mom died. Some sort of accident. Car accident I think" He tells us but I can't take the pain anymore. Me and Sam hold onto each other as we groan, gritting our teeth, holding our heads. "Hey, you two okay there?" The man asks us concerned when he notices us holding our heads.

"Uh, yeah" I assure him and Sam nods. "We're fine sir" Sam smiles tightly, holding onto me. "Thanks for your time" Dean thanks the man quickly, "Uh, yeah thank you" I thank him also as Dean escorts us to the car, holding onto us. He goes to open the door for both me and Sam before another vision starts to take over.

Mrs. Miller in her kitchen, cutting up vegetables while talking to Max.

"I don't know what you mean by that" She says firmly. "You know I never did anything" She adds, looking at him.

"That's right. You didn't do anything" Max growls tearfully, walking closer to her in a threatening manner.

Mrs. Miller jumps in fear when the knife she rest down suddenly starts to move as Max gets closer.

"You didn't stop them. Not once" Max cries as the knife starts to float, Max being the one to control it.

"How did you...?" Mrs. Miller is stunned at the floating knife, inching towards her. She gasps in fear as Max and the knife moves closer.

"Max! Please!" She begs, backing back into the wall as the knife inches towards her eye. But Max doesn't stop, adamant on killing her.

A look of hatred is cast onto Mrs. Miller from Max as the knife floats just millimeters away from her eyeball.

"For everytime you stood there and watched. Pretending it wasn't happening" Max grits his teeth angrily as he cries.

"I'm sorry" Mr. Miller cries, gasping as it moves closer. "No you're not. You just don't want to die" Max shakes his head.

The knife then backs away from Mrs. Miller and she whimpers in relief, only for the knife to rush back towards her.

Stabbing her directly in her eye, jabbing straight through her skull and into the wall, blood splattering behind.

________________________________

After the shared vision me and Sam just saw, we're all headed straight to the Miller residence now. "Max is doing it. Everything we've been seeing" Sam breathes out as I groan, holding my head in pain, still in shock from what I just witnessed. I knew something was wrong with the kid, but I didn't expect it to be so horrific.

I need to stop chalking my feelings up to paranoia and start listening to them God Dammit. "You sure about this?" Dean asks us both. "Yeah, we saw him" I assure him, holding my head in pain, Sam doing the same. "How's he pulling it off?" Dean asks us confused. "I don't know. It looked like telekinesis" I tell him.

"So he's psychic? He's a spoon bender?" Dean cocks his eyebrow in confusion. "I didn't even realize it but this whole time he was there. He was outside of the garage when his dad died. He was in the apartment when his uncle died" Sam shakes his head in disbelief, listing off all that happened when realization dawns on me.

"Wait a minute. These visions the whole time. We weren't connecting to the Millers. We were connecting to Max" I point out and realizations settles on Sams face. "The thing I don't get is why, man. I guess, because we're all so alike?" Sam suggests. "Whatre you talking about? The dude's nothing like you two" Dean scoffs.

"Well, we all have psychic abilities. We're all-" Sam goes to say but Dean cuts him off. "You're all what?" Dean snaps. "Sam. Y/N. Max is a monster. He's already killed two people and now he's gunning for a third" Dean tells us and I sigh. "Well, with what he went through, the beatings....to want revenge on those people. I'm sorry, man. I hate to say it, but it's not that insane" I say honestly and Sam nods in agreement.

Dean looks at us in disbelief, "Yeah but it doesn't justify murdering your entire family" Dean quips up. "Dean-" Sam goes to talk but Dean cuts him off again. "He's no different than anything else we've hunted. Alright? We gotta end him" Dean says determined, parking the car.

Me and Sam look at him like he's crazy, "We're not gonna kill Max" Sam says. "Then what?" Dean snaps. "Hand him over to the cops and say, 'Lock him up officer. He kills with the power of his mind'" Dean says sarcastically. "Dean. Forget it." I snap while Sam shakes his head. "No way man" Sam says.

"Guys-" Dean bellows. "Dean. He's a person" Sam defends, cutting him off. Dean rolls his eyes, taking off the ignition. "We can talk to him" I try to reason, but Dean looks away from us. I nudge him on his shoulder to look at me, "Hey, promise me you'll follow our lead on this one" I plead with him, he then looks at me with contemplation on his eyes.

"Alright, fine" He obliges, reaching over into the glove compartment. "But I'm not letting him hurt anybody else" He says, taking his pistol out. He looks over at us before opening his door and getting out of the car. Me and Sam share a look. "God, please don't let this stubborn man be the death of us" I mutter to myself.

"Amen" Sam mutters back ironically, before we both get out and follow behind Dean. We run up the porch to their house and knock the door in to see Mrs. Miller and Max in a heated confrontation. Mrs. Miller looks over at us in shock, "Fathers? Sister?" She gasp. Max looks at us, teary eyed, with a guilty look on his face.

"Whatre you doing here?" He asks us, trying to block the knife he was going to use to kill his stepmother. "Uh...sorry to interrupt" Dean says awkwardly. "Max, could we....uh....Could we talk to you outside for just one second?" I ask shakily, trying to remain calm and unsuspecting. Me and the boys feign smiles on our faces.

"About what?" Max asks us in a suspicious tone. "It's- it's private. Um- I wouldn't want to bother your mother with it" Sam says with a tight smile as we approach Max slowly. "We won't be long at all, though. I promise" I assure him with a small smile. Max looks over at his stepmother, who looks back at him fearfully before turning to us. "Okay" He agrees.

"Great" Sam says with a smile. Max then approaches the door and Dean looks at him with a smile, opening it so we can all exit. Max then stops all of a sudden and then force slams the door shut. Suddenly all the window shades in the house starts shutting on its own as Max backs away from the door.

We all look around in shock as this happens. "You're not from the church!" Max shouts in realization. Dean goes to draw his gun but Max uses his telekinesis to draw it towards him onto the ground. Dean is stunned and Max quickly picks it up, aiming it at us. Mrs. Miller gasps in shock as we put our hands up.

"Max, what's happening?" She asks panicked as we start at the barrel of the gun. "Shut up!" He snaps angrily. "Whatre you doing- AH!" She screams as a forces knocks her back into the counter, throwing her off her feet, she hits her head on the edge and falls to the ground bleeding.

"I said, shut up!" Max growls, his voice cracking. "Max, calm down!" Sam pleads. "Who are you?!" He barks at us. "Please. We just wanna talk to you" I plead firming. "Yeah right! That's why you brought this!" He screams, still aiming the gun at us. "That was a mistake. Alright? So was lying about who we were. But no more lying Max, okay?" Sam tries to reason with him.

"Just, please, hear us out" I beg him. "About what?!" He orders. Me and Sam exchange a look before turning back to him, our hands still in the air. "We saw you do it. We saw you kill your dad and your uncle. Before it happened" I confess to him and he looks at us stunned. "What?" He asks shakily. "We've been having visions, Max. About you" Sam states.

"You're both crazy" Max growls. "So you were gonna launch a knife at your stepmom? Right here?" I call him out, pointing to my eye. "Is it that hard to believe, Max? Look what you can do" Sam points out, gesturing to his stepmom and how he threw her across the room. "Max, we were drawn here, alright? I think we're here to help you" I reason with him, Sam nods quickly. Dean has yet to say a word.

Max begins to hyperventilate, looking at his step mom and back at us, the gun still pointed at us. "No one can help me" He cries. "Let us try. We'll just talk. You, me and Y/N. We'll get Dean and Alice out of here" Sam tries to reason with him. "Uh-uh. No way." Dean finally chimes in, against the thought of leaving us alone with Max.

Suddenly the chandelier above us starts to shake, "Nobody leaves this house!" Max bellows. "And nobody has to, alright? They'll just- they'll just go upstairs" I try to reason. "Sam, Y/N. I'm not leaving you guys alone with him" Dean says firmly. "Yes you are" I grit my teeth. "Look, Max. You're in charge here, alright? We all know that" Sam says calmly.

"No one's gonna do anything don't wanna do but we're talking five minutes here man" I add. "Y/N!" Dean calls out to me panicked. Max looks back at his stepmother who's unconscious and back at us. "Five minutes" He agrees hesitantly and the chandelier above us stops rattling. "Go!" He orders Dean, pointing the gun at him. Dean slowly walks over to his step mom, kneeling down, he lightly shakes her awake and she groans in pain.

"Come on" He says gently, picking her up and carrying her to the other room. Max tells to sit down, resting the gun next to him. We sit across from him. He then uses his powers to make a letter opener stand up at the tip on the table next to him. Me and Sam share an unease look at this.

"Look, I can't begin to understand what you went through..." Sam begins in a sympathetic tone. "That's right, you can't" Max spits back angrily, his eyes focused on the letter opener. "But Max. This has to stop" I plead with him. "It will. After my stepmother" He breathes out, eyes still on the letter opener that's standing using his powers.

"No. You need to let her go" Sam insists gently. "Why?" Max grits his teeth and I sigh, looking over at Sam who gives me a look that says, 'Remain calm'. "Did she beat you?" I ask him calmly. "No. But she never tried to save me. She's a part of it too." He sobs as he uses his powers to spin the letter opener. Sam sighs, "Look, what they did to you, what they all did to you growing up. They deserve to be punished" Sam says understandably.

"Growing up?" Max's gaze snaps over to us. "Try last week" He grits his teeth, making the letter opener spin faster and my heart drops. He then stands up, a pained look on his face. He lifts his shirt up to reveal his ribcage that's bruised. I gasp quietly in shock, my mouth agape while Sam is speechless.

"My dad still hits me. Just in places people wouldn't see it" Max growls. I can't even look at him and neither can Sam. My sympathy growing for this kid. Even if he might be a monster for killing them, they're the true monsters. We both grimace at the bruises and he puts his shirt back down. "Old habits die hard. I guess" He says bitterly, sitting back down on the couch.

"I'm so sorry" I say apologetically. "You didn't deserve that. No kid deserves that." Sam adds, his tone pained. Max just looks at us while breathing hard, looking back at the letter opener he makes it spin faster. "When I first found out I could move things...it was a gift" He begins to explain.

"My whole life, I was helpless. But now I have this" Max says. "So last week, Dad gets drunk. First time in a long time. And he beats the hell me to hell, first time in a long time. And the. I knew what I had to do." Max grits his teeth angrily. "Why didn't you just leave?" Sam asks him and suddenly the letter opener drops, indicating Max let go of it.

"It wasn't about getting away." He shakes his head. "Just knowing that they'd still be out there. It was about not being afraid." He explains while we both look at him, pity etched across our faces. "When my dad used to look at me. There was hate in his eyes. Do you know what that feels like?" He asks us tearfully.

"No" Sam says softly as we shake our heads. "He blamed me for everything. For his job. For his life. For my moms death" He says and we look up at him confused at the last part. "Why would he blame you for your moms death?" I ask him curiously. Max then leans forward and says the last thing I expected to hear.

"Because she died in my nursery while I was asleep in my crib" He says chuckling tearfully. I look over at Sam, the both of us speechless. "As if that makes it my fault" Max says angrily. Sam finally musters up some words, "She died in your nursery?" Sam asks stunned. "Yeah. There was a fire. And he's get drunk and babble on like she died in some insane way" Max further explains, tears falling down his cheeks.

"He said that she burned up. Pinned to the ceiling" He says angrily and my heart drops. Me and Sam are absolutely stunned by this, both our mouths agape Max's mom died the same way our moms died. The same thing killed his mom, killed our moms and Jessica? What the fuck?!

"Listen to me, Max" I finally get some words out after being shocked to the core. No pun intended. "What your dad said about what happened to your mom...it's real" I breath out and he looks at me like if I'm crazy. "What?" He asks confused. "It happened to our moms too. Exactly the same" Sam adds, his chest heaving.

"Our nursery's. Our cribs. Our dads saw them on the ceiling" Sam explains and Max shakes his head. "Then your dads must have been as drunk as mine" Max denies and I shake my head. "No, no. It's the same thing, Max. The same thing killed our mothers" I insist. "That's impossible" He denies and realization dawns on me.

"Oh my god" I gasp. "What?" Sam asks me concerned. "This must be why we've been having visions during the day. Why they're getting more intense." I point out and it dawns on him too. "Because we all must be connected in some way" Sam says before thinking. Max has a confused look on his face but Sam asks him, "Your abilities, they started six, seven months ago right? Out of the blue?"

"How'd you know that?" Max asks us tearfully. "Because that's when our abilities started, Max" I tell him and Sam nods. "I mean, yours seem to be must further along, but still, this means something, right?" Sam points out. "I mean, for some reason, we all were chosen." Sam says. "For what?" Max asks us tearfully.

"I don't know" I sigh. "But Sam, Dean and I. My friends and I. We're hunting for your moms killer. And we could find answers that can help us all. But you gotta let us go, Max" I plead with him, trying to convince him. "You gotta let your stepmother go" Sam begs him. Max looks as though his contemplating it and our hopes go up.

But he then shakes his head sniffling and I sigh. "No. What they did to me. I still have nightmares. I'm still scared the time, like I'm just waiting for that next beating. I'm just tired of being scared. If I do this, it'll be over" He sobs, then getting up to go to the room Dean and his stepmom are in. But me and Sam run behind him.

"No, don't you get it. It won't. The nightmares won't end, Max. Not like this" Sam tries to reason with him. "It's just...more pain. And it makes you as bad as them" I tell him honestly. "Max....you don't have to go through all this by yourself" I say gently. Max then sighs shaking his head again.

"I'm sorry" He says, gritting his teeth as he sobs when suddenly a force pushes me and Sam into the closet behind us harshly, the locking infront of us. "No!" Sam and I exclaim in unison. "Max!" We yell, trying to push the door but something is infront of it barricading it, it wouldn't budge.

"No! Max!" We yell pleadingly, banging on the door with all our might. The splitting migraine starts to attack my head again and I scream in pain, Sam does the same, clutching onto me in pain. "Fuck!" I scream as a blinding light takes over.

Dean consoling a hurt Alice with blood dripping from her head, hes wiping the blood when the door opens by itself slowly.

In comes Max and Dean stands up quickly, the door shutting behind Max as the two look at him fearfully.

Dean walks towards Max but he uses his powers to throw Dean into the wall harshly causing Alice to scream.

Dean grunts in pain as Max draws Deans pistol he took earlier. "Max" Alice pleads. "Son of a.." Dean groans in pain, pushing himself up onto his feet.

"No! Max" Alice begs. Dean steps forward and Max lets go of the gun, using his powers to allow it to float in the air.

Dean stares into the barrel of the gun, his face contorting in fear as the gun moves closer to him mid air.

The gun cocks and then turns to Alice who gasp panicked. "No. Max!" She pleads, Dean then steps infront of her to shield her but Max turns the gun to Dean.

"Stay back. It's not about you." He warns him. "You wanna kill her, you gotta get through me first" Dean says bravely, gritting his teeth at Max.

"Okay" Max says calmly. Without hesitation he SHOOTS Dean point blank in the forehead. His blood splattering onto the wall behind him.

He drops to the ground, dead. A prominent bullet wound in the middle of his forehead.

"No." I gasp pained. I look over at Sam to see tears streaming down his face. My heart sinking to the ground. "NO!!!!! AHH!!!" Me and Sam scream in agony at the sight of seeing Dean being killed in that vision. A power urges through me as I try to settle my heavy breathing and I hear something move outside.

Me and Sam look at each other in panic and confusion. I lightly push the door to see the cabinet that Max used to barricade us in, was now pushed forward. Me and Sam look at each other in shock at this. "Did we just..." Sam gasps and I nod shakily. "I think so..." I confirm.

"Come on. We gotta go!" I pull him, we both run to the room that Dean carried Alice in. We burst down the door to see the gun mid air, ready to shoot Dean just like our vision. Max jumps in shock as we do this. "Dean!!" Sam cries out in concern. "No, don't! Don't! Please! Please, Max!" I plead with Max.

"Max...we can help you...alright? But this...what you're doing...it's not the solution." Sam begs, trying to reason with him still. "It's not gonna fix anything" I add while Max looks at me with a pained face, sobbing. "You're right" He says calmly nodding. Me and Sam are relieved by this and I give him a small smile.

He then quickly turns the gun to himself mid air, shooting himself point blank in his forehead before anyone could react. "NO!!" Me and Sam scream in shock as he drops to the floor dead.

________________________________

"Max attacked me. He threatened me with a gun" Alice explains to the deputy that's taking her statement. It's now a couple hours later and we called the police after Max killed himself. I'm still a bit distraught at the fact that we couldn't help or save Max. "And these three?" The officer asks her, gesturing to us. He looks at us suspiciously.

Alice then looks over at us with a teary face. "They're um...family friends. I called them as soon as Max arrived. I was scared" She covers for us, now beginning to sob. "They tried to stop him. They fought for the gun" She cries. "Where did Max get the gun?" The officer asks.

"I don't know. He showed us with it, and he..." She croaks sobbing. The officer sighs, giving her a pitiful look. "It's alright Mrs. Miller" He says gently. "I lost everyone" She sobs painfully and I can't help but feel a bit sorry for her. Granted her husband and brother were vindictive child abusive assholes.

While she stood and did nothing. No one deserves this. Max sure as hell didn't and neither does she. "We'll give you a call if we have any more questions" The officer then turns to us. "Thanks officer" I say nodding. "Come on" Dean ushers both me and Sam to leave.

I give Alice one last look before walking out the house with the boys. "If I'd just said something else...gotten through to him somehow" Sam begins to say and I sigh sadly. "Oh, don't do that" Dean groans. "Do what?" Sam asks confused. "Torture yourself. And you too Princess. It wouldn't have mattered what you two said. Max was too far gone" Dean tells us honestly as we walk to the car.

"When I think about how he looked at me man, right before..." I say trailing off. "I should've done something" I sigh and Sam nods in agreement. "I'm with Y/N on this one. We could've done more" Sam agrees with me. "Come on, guys. You two risked your lives. I mean, yeah, maybe if we'd gotten there 20 years earlier" Dean tells us.

He takes out his keys to unlock the car and Sam sighs heavily. The guilt of not being able to help Max rising in my chest. "Well. I'll tell you one thing. We're lucky we had Dad and Mr. L/N" Sam says honestly. "For real. As much as the old man gets on my nerves. I couldn't imagine having a father like Jim Miller" I agree.

Dean looks at us with a bit of disbelief. Chuckling he says, "Well I never thought I'd hear either of you say that" Dean says smiling. I shake my head with a sad smile, "Well, they could've gone a whole other way after our moms" Sam says. "A little more tequila, a little less demon hunting....then we could've had Max's childhood" I say shaking my head.

"All things considered...we all turned out okay. Thanks to them." Sam says honestly. I sigh as Dean looks back at the Miller house and back to us with a slight smile, "All things considered" He retorts smiling, opening the car door and jumping in baby. Sam jumps in the back and I jump in the front and we all make way to the motel.

Later at the motel, we're all packing up to hit the road. Sam and I had a conversation when Dean went to get dinner and decided to talk to him about it. "Dean, we've been thinking.."Sam goes to say but Dean cuts him off, "Well that's never a good thing" He retorts cheekily with a smirk.

"We're serious" I say in a serious tone. "We've been thinking, why would this demon or whatever it is...why would it kill our moms, Jessica and Max's mother, you know? What does it want?" I ask rhetorically as I help Dean fold his clothes and Sam sorts out papers and books from research.

"No idea" Dean responds. "Well, you think maybe it was after us? After Max, Y/N and me?" Sam suggests. "Why would you think that?" Dean asks confused, cocking an eyebrow. "I mean, either telekinesis or premonitions...we all had abilities you know? Maybe it was after us for some reason?" I suggest.

"Guys, if it wanted you, it would've just taken you" Dean says matter of factly. "Okay? It's not after of you guys' fault. It's not about you two" He says plainly. "Then what is it about?" Sam scoffs. "It's about that damn thing that did this to our families. The thing that we're gonna find and kill. And that's all" Dean shuts the topic down.

Me and Sam share a look and he shakes his head, knowing where I'm getting at. I walk up to him and nudge him, "We have to tell him" I mutter softly. "No, y/n/n. He's gonna think we're freaks" He mutters back. "Tell me what?" Dean voice bellows behind us, we jump slightly to see him with his arms crossed, eyebrows cocked.

I have a guilty look on my face, I look back at Sam and he sighs, nodding, "There's uh...something else too" Sam begins. "Oh jeez. What?" Dean groans. "When Max locked us in that closet with that big cabinet against the door. We moved it" I say quickly, clearing my throat.

Dean chuckles, going back to folding his clothes, "You two got a little more upper body strength than I gave you credit for" He laughs and I shake my head. "No man, we moved it. Like Max" Sam reveals and Dean looks at us stunned. "Oh...Right.." He says softly. "Yeah" I respond back in the same tone.

He then picks up a spoon and turns to us, "Bend this" He says and I roll my eyes. "We can't turn it on and off, Dean" Sam says annoyed. "I don't know. We can't control it. I just....We saw you die and it just came out of us. Like a— like a punch" I explain. "You know? Like a freak adrenaline thing" Sam adds.

Dean looks down and puts the spoon away, "Well I'm sure it won't happen again." Dean says. "Yeah, maybe" Sam responds and I look at them like they're crazy. "Aren't you worried man? Aren't you worried we could turn into Max or something?" I snap and Dean shakes his head. "Nope. No way" He says plainly, packing his stuff away.

"You know why?" He asks us. "No. Why?" Sam asks exasperated. "Cuz you guys got one advantage Max didn't have" Dean says. "Dad and Mr. Winchester? Because they're not here Dean" I scoff. "No." He shakes his head, putting on his jacket. "Me." He answers our question with a smug smile, flashing me a wink.

My heart leaps when he does this and heat begins to rise in my face. "As long as I'm around, nothing bad is gonna happen to either of you" He assures us with a smile, picking up his duffel bag. "Now then. I know what we need to do about your premonitions. I know where we have to go" He says in a serious tone walking towards us.

"Where?" Sam asks, genuinely curious. I cock I eyebrow at his sudden change in tone, crossing my arms over my chest. "Vegas" He says, flashing us a cheeky smile. This makes me burst out laughing because I had a feeling he was gonna say some idiotic bullshit. Sam looks at him in disbelief, rolling his eyes he scoffs walking away.

"What? Come on, man. Craps tables. We'd clean up" Dean calls out to him, walking behind Sam as I pick up my back and follow behind them. I shake my head laughing and he looks over at me with a wide smile, "You're an ass, you know that?" I snort chuckling. "I'm a fun ass" He winks at me, giving me his classic shit eating grin that could make panties drop as he locks the door behind us.

I feel my cheeks getting hotter with a blush but I quickly turn away from him, rolling my eyes I toss my bag into the Impala and jump in the backseat. Dean then gets in the driver pulls out, "I'm serious man, with the both of you we co-" Dean pesters Sam again jokingly. "Just drive!" Sam commands him annoyed, making me and Dean burst out in a fit of laughter.

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