#i got too overwhelmed with love and have to stop writing this FAR too early into the thank yous bc im about to cry with love
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i got my isbn today for the book. 8 months to go. my mom and i were talking about what the next steps are. i was eating trail mix, standing on one foot, phone tucked into my ear.
"yeah," i said. "the problem is that tumblr as a market is like, not something that can be studied." there's this weird wave of nostalgia and affection for this place that came up over me: how lovely we avoid consumerism. okay, it sucks as a creator. but also? keep stickin' it to 'em.
my mother made the sound at the back of her throat that i also make, the one that means i've got an idea. "you should figure out some kind of reward for presale amounts. maybe you give out poems or a mug or a signed book or something. would your followers like that?" my mother is sweet, and kind, and i have no idea how to explain on this website you can buy someone crabs.
i put more m&ms down the hatch. i had to speak through peanuts and almonds. "if it passes 25 thousand i will print the book out in its entirety and eat it live on camera."
"oh god. no, you don't have to do that." she was anguished. "just tell them that you'd love them to read it, and that they've inspired you to write. you got started on that site, and they helped you keep going. raquel, you love these people. the community? you talk all the time about the other writers and artists and whatever else. tell them that you're hoping for their support, they'll come through."
"no," i assured her. i discovered i had dropped an m&m, but an ant had already found it, so it belonged to him now. i will let his little life have a surprise blue treasure in it, too. "i'm gonna fuckin' eat the book."
#writeblr#:)#the small secret love i have for y'all. the way i am filled with gratitude.#for the nosebleed club. for stephen particularly.#for every artist i've ever been in contact with and collaborated with.#for every person who has commented on my work and passed it along or fallen in love with it#for every silent 'just hitting like' follower and for every person who sends me dms and for each of you#i know i suck at replying bc i have anxiety. but like. you keep being here. so i keep writing.#i legit wouldn't be here without you.#thank you sophie thank you katie thank you carolyn thank you stephanie thank you jess#thank you if you're reading this#i got too overwhelmed with love and have to stop writing this FAR too early into the thank yous bc im about to cry with love
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hello!! this is my first time asking so forgive me if i do anything wrong.
so i just saw your event anddddd first of all, i just want to say congrats on 5k!!! and also happy birthdayy!! if its not a bother, can i participate in the event?? if so heres the prompt,
[lyney, earphones(the wired ones), fluff]
your thawed series really made me fall in love with the way you write lyney😭 and because of that, i want to read more of him from you!!
once again, congrats on 5k!!
a/n HELLO ANON!!! thank you so much + dont worry u sent an ask right! im so happy u like my characterization of lyney hehe hes just a silly guy…
info 500 words, short and sweet, modern college au
5K EVENT SPECIAL | EVENT MASTERLIST
Lynette texted you this morning saying that she had a fever.
Usually, this wouldn’t have been a problem. Get well soon! or an I’ll send you the notes later would be the end of the conversation. Then you’d go on with your day and miss her, but that would be it. That was supposed to be it.
But it was Lynette. And if she was involved—
“Hey.” Lilac eyes overtook your vision, shockingly close. You jumped back, and Lyney grinned. “Are you still texting my sister? I’m right here, you know.”
Lynette
You’ll be fine
You
LYHBEDTTE
Lynette
He’s just Lyney
You
EXACTLY WHY
This was a problem because you had been nursing the biggest crush on Lynette’s brother since you met her—and it’s been years. The color of his eyes, the softness of his hair, the crinkle of his eyes as he smiles—
“I’m telling her I wish she were here instead,” you said, hiding your screen from his sharp eyes.
Lyney wasn’t fazed at all. He matched your steps and easily walked alongside you, his lips stretched into a wide grin. He was so suspiciously happy today.
“Are we going to take the bus there?” Lyney asked, his arms still brushing against yours. His chin was tucked in his windbreaker, muffling his words a little. He looked a little red—did he have a fever as well?
“I guess so,” you said, dragging your gaze away from the sight. You could hear your heartbeat racing.
Lyney’s smile softened, then gestured at the bus stop bench. “It’s still early. Let’s sit over there.”
It was empty, yet when you sat at the far edge, Lyney still cozied up beside you. Seeking refuge, you hid your face further in the safety of your hoodie. This was bad. Lynette rarely got sick; this was your first time alone with Lyney, and you didn’t know how to act.
When you glanced at him, Lyney seemed content with the silence. You weren’t—you could hear the loud thumps of your chest, and soon enough, Lyney would notice it, too.
You pulled out your earphones and swiped to the highest volume possible, ear damage be damned. You were not going to survive today. You’re going to embarrass yourself and make a fool of your impressions, and Lyney would get weirded out and avoid you for the rest of his life.
Your throat made some sort of warbling deflated noise as music drowned out your heartbeat, but not your thoughts. Why was Lyney so warm? Even with layers of clothing, you could feel the heat of his skin, and it was driving you mad. You wanted nothing but to curl into it like a cat with sunlight. Why did Lynette have to get sick while you were still hopelessly infatuated with her brother?
Abruptly, Lyney’s head found its way to your shoulder. Stunned, you sucked in a breath, overwhelmed with all the sensations. Your five senses were being violated left and right—all you could see, hear, and touch was Lyney.
He reached his hand out expectantly. You made a noise of confusion, then belatedly realized what he was pointing at. Careful not to jostle him, you plucked an earphone and gently placed it in his ear. Lyney flinched.
“This is loud,” Lyney chuckled, but he didn’t ask you to mess with the volume. He laid back down with his weight and stayed there, unaware of how your face was a flaming mess.
Your eyes slipped to your lap, feeling shy. From this angle, it was hard to tell what Lyney was looking at, but you could feel his smile. It could be Lyney’s unnaturally warm body heat or your burning embarrassment, but— maybe you were starting to feel feverish as well.
Lyney snuggled closer. You sighed and resigned yourself to a long day.
#606: 5K EVENT#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact x you#lyney x reader#lyney x you#lyney x y/n
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bunny can i beg for daddy izu crumbs if you have any ? whatever you’re feeling (totally can ignore this <3)
hi starr! no need to beg; i always intend to write some daddy!izu but never get around to it. you’re giving me a valid excuse to indulge that desire and avoid updating my masterlist yet again. gonna go with daddy dom izu & little reader bc that’s where i’m at rn. hope that’s okay. 🖤
here’s a brain dump based loosely off of this drabble. bc i know you’re okay with it: age play themes ahead, mention of caregiver/little (dd/lg), fluff ig?
i hc daddy izu as one that’s pretty soft; like i could definitely see him being as mean as they come, won’t put up with bratting of any kind, etc., but i could also see him being content with being soft and loving almost all of the time.
that doesn’t mean he’s not rough in bed tho; i think with him it’s a 50/50 mix, and he’ll usually adapt to what you need and enjoy it just as much.
he likes to plan his scenes out well ahead of time, but he can also do things on the fly with enough experience under his belt.
daddy izu enjoys orgasm control - delay, denial, overstim, ruined orgasms, the whole bit. he doesn’t do it all the time bc it’s not his top favorite thing to do with you, but he likes the variety it allows. he can be as nice or as mean as he wants at any given point without having to be harsh, and he knows harsh can be very overwhelming when you’re not expecting it. and more importantly, it’s all based around pleasure, which i believe a softer version of izu would be all for.
not much of a sadist outside of spanking and maybe some impact play. he really only does it if he knows you want (or need) it. he’s a fan of maintenance spankings bc they can be used for a variety of purposes - to keep his sweet thing in check, but also give you regular times to enjoy being a bit of a masochist if that’s important to you to name two.
he’s the kind of dom that’s not like… a jack of all trades? but he can adapt to what you want or need pretty easily with a little research, and he doesn’t have a specific area of interest outside of ddlg in this context? if that makes sense? anyway.
daddy izu has always known he likes to take care of people. he’s a hero, after all. it takes him a while to accept how far that actually goes. he struggles with it. it’s only thanks to the internet that he figures himself out while he’s young (early 20s).
by the time you meet him he understands dd/lg dynamics in theory, but he’s never been in one. heck, he’s not even sure if he wants that or can give that to someone with his status as a pro hero.
but that doesn’t stop him from slipping here and there and showing that side of him, especially when he sees how you melt under his care. he’s pretty sure he’s picking up hints that you might indeed be a little, but he’s way too embarrassed to ask.
izuku the kind of person that pulls the little side out of you when you’re too ashamed to show it. he showers you with sweet encouragement and doesn’t mind how needy you get. tells you, “it’s okay, sweetie. i love how much you need me. don’t ever be sorry for it.”
he feels his heart get warm and fluttery the first time he gets a real taste that his inkling might be right. maybe it’s the way you swing your feet so cutely when he “pampers” you by putting on your socks and shoes, or how you sort of melted into him and got shy that one time he carried you from the car to the bed because you were too tired.
or perhaps it was the most obvious moment, when he caught you watching a kids show, coloring on your own to de-stress. izuku had mixed feelings, ones of warm confirmation and others of pain watching you fold into yourself so quickly. he hated the way you immediately turned the tv off, snapped your coloring book shut, and tried to hide it like you had something to be ashamed of.
so izuku did the only thing he could think to do. he sat down next to you, gave you a kiss, and said, “hey, princess. whatcha got there?”
his smile was bright and kind as ever; he was trying to show curiosity rather than overwhelming excitement. but the look on your face told him you were hesitant.
“nothing, i’m just drawing,” you said. “sorry.”
his heart fell as he gave you a curious look. “no need to be sorry. can i see your drawings? i bet they’re very pretty.”
you tucked your head as heat prickled the apples of your cheeks; his tone of voice had shifted, but you couldn’t quite place it. “izuku, it’s dumb, really. don’t worry about it.”
“none of that. show me how well my girl draws, hmm? i want to see what you made,” izuku replied.
you considered it for a moment. then without looking up, you pulled the book of sanrio characters from your chest and opened to the page you had been working on. heat flooded your face. tears pricked the corners of your eyes.
“baby, that’s beautiful! i love it,” he said.
“thanks,” you said softly.
izuku’s enthusiastic response was far from surprising, but what caught you was his tone once again. and it clicked - you’d heard that tone of voice before plenty of times. it was the same one he used when he bent down to talk to small children who ran up to see him. you weren’t sure if you should feel humiliated or if -
“you’re doing such a good job, little one,” he said. “i’m proud of you.”
you froze. you looked to him. though you were on the brink of tears, his smile was still bright, albeit nervous.
“really?” you said.
“yeah! of course i am. do you have another coloring book, sweet pea? i’d love to draw with you.”
you pointed to the black backpack at your feet. izuku pulled out the only hero themed coloring book you had.
“i think this one’s perfect, don’t you?” he asked.
you pulled him in for a tight hug and nodded.
#not sure i like it#but i rly tried#also i will always and forever love the ‘first discovery of something abt your partner’ trope bc it’s soft like me 😤#hope this wasn’t too redundant#bakubunny#midoriya izuku#tw age play#tw daddy kink#💖#🧸
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Hii!!
I have so so much homework I'm so stressed. Like I have more than 20 assignments for math and I'm crying. Could you maybe do one where the reader is so stressed and starts slipping and crying because they still have to finish the work?
Lovveeee youu
Hi there love! 💜
Ohh my sweet love i'm so sorry you're overwhelmed so early in the year. No matter the time of the year, school shouldn't be so overwhelming, it's a place where we're supposed to learn and to spend happy time with friends.
I really hope you'll find a way to studie and do your homework without stressing too much. Remember to spend time for yourself, don't focus too much on your homework, it'll just destroy you more.
If you need help to organize your work you can send me a message! i'll be really happy to help you so you don't have too much in once.
I hope you'll feel a little bit better after reading this my love.
I love you too ❤️
Enjoy <33
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Warnings : cries, little reader is overwhelmed by school, too much homework, mention of school and assignements, comfrot of daddies, cuddles, hugs, pet names, kisses, reassurance
Pairings : Daddies!Stucky ; Daddy!Bucky x Papa!Steve x Little!Reader
Summary : A long day, a heavy head from information and big assignements can only bring to one thing...
****
You frustratedly groan as you let your pen falling from your hand. It's been a little bit over two hours now that you're writing and writing and writing across asignements for school and you can feel how big and completed your brain is right now.
Your Papa is in the kitchen, preparing dinner while your Daddy is showering upstairs.
Your Papa doesn't want you to move your butt away from the chair until you finish your homework and the fact that you can't do it is upseting you so much.
Seeing the words written on the assignement, the pen rolling on the table and all the paper spreading across the dining table is stuffing your brain even more.
You can't help the little tears slipping away from your beautiful eyes as you keep gazing the things who's draining you more through the minutes.
You don't want to disappoint your Papa by stopping now. He's always so happy when you finish something for school and is always behind you to push you forward so you can get better but today is just one day too many.
You hear your Daddy walking back downstairs, in a short and shirtless. He has a white towel around his neck and his beautiful metal arm is showing as his skin is still humid from the shower. When his eyes gaze into yours, you can't help all the tears who run out of your eyes.
You drop your eyes on your laps, hoping he was too far away from you to noticed your crying eyes but his fast footsteps that's following your movement is telling you otherwise.
He pulls the seat beside you and sit down in a way to face you. He rests a reassuring hand on top of yours as you silently cry, his thumb gently rubs your hand.
You don't wait for him to say something, you get up from your seat and climb into his laps. He helps you climbing on him and you immediately curl against him, his arms are tightly wrap around your exhausted body as he held you close to him.
He gently swings you from side to side "breath, baby. Just breath, it'll be okay" he whispers "just get everything out, i've got you" he kisses the top of your head
Steve comes into the dining room, thinking he'll find you sitting on your seat, writing one of your assignement for math like you have been doing for hours now. But to his surprise, it's not this sight that he find once he steps in the room.
"baby ?" he says confused, he doesn't lose a time and sits on the seat you were a few seconds before. His hand starts to caress your back in a comfort way as he hears your soft cries who breaks his heart.
"can you tell us what is wrong, sweetie ?" he softly asks.
You sniff and take deep breath to prepare yourself. When you're ready, you turn your head to the side so your cheek is resting against your Daddy's chest and so your Papa can hear you correctly.
"is too much" you sob
"what is too much, beautiful ?" your Daddy asks, his fingers sliding down your hair to calm you down
" 'm assments" you say struggling more and more with your words.
"You had too much work for today ?" your Papa asks. You nod your head before hiding your face back in your Daddy's chest. "sweetie look at me please" his sweet voice ask.
You sniff a few times before finding the strenght to look at your Papa in the eyes "it's okay baby" he softly smiles "look what you did today! It's already so much. You did really great with your homework and it's normal to be overwhelmed with all of this work"
"you don't have to force yourself to work when you have too much. It'll only exhausted you more and it'll be useless. Just tell us when you can't do it anymore baby. Okay ?"
You sniff and nod your head "you don' mad a' me ?" you shyly ask.
"absolutely not, sweetie. I will never be mad at you because you can't do something. The matter is that you tried and that's what happened tonight. I'm proud of you for trying" he kisses your nose "but don't stress too much because of that. You're not in trouble, you're far from that actually"
You giggle and sniff at the same time making him and your Daddy smiles "why don't we go help Papa finishing dinner ? After we can eat the biggest ice cream we ever had while watching movies so we can clear that little head of yours ?" your Daddy proposes as he gently pokes your head with his finger.
You giggle and rest your back against his chest. He wraps his arms around your body and hold you tight once again, knowing that you moved because you needed to be held differently.
"let's put away all of that, mh ?" your Papa grimaces as he points at your assignements "we'll help you doing it later. But we'll do it together, you won't be alone"
You nod and thank him as he moves away your homework. Once the table is clean, your Daddy stands up with you in his arms and walks toward the kitchen, following by your Papa.
He sats you on the counter and winks at you, making you smile. The first true smile since you start your homework...
#@aagn360#little!reader#bucky barnes x steve rogers x little reader#daddies!stucky#papa!steve#daddy!bucky#little space#steve rogers#stucky x little reader#bucky barnes#james bucky buchanan barnes#bucky x steve#steve x bucky#james bucky barnes#bucky fanfic#bucky x reader#bucky x you#bucky x y/n#winter soldier#james buchanan barnes#bucky x female reader#steve fluff#steve rogers fic#stevebucky#steve x little!reader#steve x you#steve x female reader
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The Lost Princess Chapter 7
Jotun!Loki x plus size reader
When Jotunheim and Asgard are on the brink of war, only a marriage of convenience between the two worlds can unite them. The only problem is, Odin does not have a female heir, or does he?
Submit your own character!
Warnings: violence, arranged marriage, angst, enhanced!reader, swearing, slightly unhealthy relationship, Loki is an emotionally stunted person, age gap (I wrote reader as being in her early twenties but can be read as any age)
WC: 8.9k (I'm so sorry hahaha)
A/N: Thank you all for sticking with this series, I find it hard to write sometimes but I promise, the subsequent chapters will be shorter and coming out quicker. I love you all!! 💞💞
Dividers by @firefly-graphics
Minors DNI
Chapter 7
Home Again
“Remove your hands from her or I will do it for you.” Loki’s voice was edged with something dangerous, the tip of a knife doused in poison. Y/N could feel his anger even from yards away but her own fury overpowered her fear of him and his temper. Thor faltered only a moment before his grip tightened on his sister’s shoulders, pulling her behind his bulky body in a vain attempt to shield her from the frost giant.
His glare deepened, his red eyes blazing with a barely contained fire. Adjusting the hold on the hilt of his long blade, his knuckles turn a pale blue with the force. “Let. Her. Go.” Each word is punctuated by a thundering step forward that shook the stone floor. He seemed far bigger than his usual 12 foot-self like this, with his bare chest puffed out, silvery lines of old scars and traditional markings shining in the lamplight. He would look terrifying to Y/N if she wasn’t blinded by the overwhelming feeling of betrayal.
A sour anger curled in her gut as he got closer and closer. The rest of the world faded to a white noise, her focus solely on her husband. She easily side-stepped her brother, fingers curling into fists so tight that her nails sliced through the delicate skin of her palms. Bright red blood dripped from between her knuckles.
The grey cobblestone beneath her bare feet melted, her body radiating a heat she had never felt before. The stone sizzled as her blood made contact with the floor, leaving behind dark stains on the now white hot ground. “You lying, manipulative piece of shit.” She barely caught the falter in his step, the hitch of his breath, as if he was wounded by her words. “You are a selfish worm who doesn’t deserve the air he breathes. Was everything a lie? Did you just make up that little sob story to get me into your bed willingly?”
The oxygen ignited around her, embers burning out before sparking to life again. The air crackled unstably, like the moment before a fire rages out of control. “Are you that pathetic that you have to rely on lies and trickery to force someone to marry you? To have a slave at your every beck and call to make you feel powerful?”
“You know nothing!” Shadows curled around the god. He had stopped in his tracks, blade plastered to his muscular thigh, almost as if he was preventing himself from doing her harm. The dark metal trembled against his blue skin.
“I know enough.” She snarled, also stopping. Wind whipped around her, sending sparks flying through the great halls. She was an inferno, waiting to blow.
They were an arms length apart and he towered over her but she refused to back down, refused to give even an inch as the feared prince glared down at her, his jaw clenched so tightly, she could see the muscles ticking. “All that talk about helping me, about teaching me. All of that, was that a lie too?” His eyes darted away, telling her all she needed to know.
Flames so hot they were blue licked up the bare skin of her legs, singing her husband’s shirt. It flaked away from her body but the fire replaced the silk. “I did what I had to.” The air shimmered with the heat, making her facade tremble before him.
Loki studied her, daring her to make the first move. They were on the precipice of something more but for the first time, Y/N was in control. She had a choice, turn her back and run or make him burn for what he did. She thought about what she had confided in him. Of her pain and fear, and he pretended to care. “I hate you.” Her voice was calm but brittle, on the edge of breaking with even the most gentle of touches.
“You do not hate me.” He urged, his own voice becoming softer as if to cradle her own. “You could never hate me.” The flickers began to die down around her as the fight began to leave her body. She was tired and her body craved his attention, needing to be held and comforted.
But when he took a step forward, she took two back. The tears that escaped her eyes, disappearing as soon as they touched her cheeks, evaporating instantly. “I can’t believe I trusted you.”
She did not fight the hand that closed around her bicep, carefully pulling her away from him and into the embrace of her brother. “I can’t believe I-I lo-“ Her words were cut off with a sob and buried her face into Thor’s chest who had silently followed her every step, her anger burning away like ash in the wind.
“If you know what is best for you, let us leave.” Thor spoke plainly, using one arm to lift her into him so that he could carry her, while the other held Mjölnir at the ready. For a moment, it seemed Loki would let them leave, the ruby of his eyes dulled and forlorn but then, in the blink of an eye, his sword was pressed into Thor’s sternum.
“You are mine! You have always been mine! How dare you disobey me! How dare you even think of leaving me!” But the god did not waver, his hold tightening around her as he prepared himself for battle. The leather of his armour easily gave way to the sharp tip of the blade.
“By order of Queen Frigg of Asgard, the allmother, your marriage is annulled and Princess Y/N must return to her place on Midgard.” Thor took several long strides backwards, Loki followed, his weapon at the ready. He would kill to get her back, the god could see that, but he would not give him the chance.
“You cannot take her from me!” He howled like a wild animal. And Y/N flinched.
“I was never yours, I will never be yours.” She spoke in a whisper but her husband heard her all the same. “Goodbye Loki.” As the light from the bifrost enclosed around the siblings, he lunged but a sudden wall of white flames forced him back as they burned his skin.
“No!”
The air was warm, almost biting against her freezing skin as the sun finally shone on them. The wind was a gentle breeze, shifting the fields of flowers like the waves of an ocean. But the beauty of the scene was broken by a scream.
Y/N slipped from her brother’s arms, releasing a howl from deep in her soul. The ground singed beneath her, burning with the rage and pain she felt. Thor could only watch, helpless as she crumbled before him, crawling at the dirt.
“Sister.” He called but she did not respond. Her sobs broke his heart and all he could do was kneel beside her and pull her back into his arms. She clutched onto his arm which was pressed against her chest as she leaned back against his front. His blue eyes shut, wishing he could take her pain.
By the time her chest hiccuped with quiet cries, the sun had begun its descent, casting a golden glow over the field. “I want to go home.” She whispered against the tanned skin of his forearm. Thor nodded against the side of her head and laid a quick kiss to her temple.
“Then let’s go home.”
Tony kept three photos on his desk. The first was of him and Pepper the day he proposed, the Paris skyline silhouetted behind them as their lips met in a kiss borderline of explicit. The second was of him and Peter, both hunched over his lab bench, focusing on some invention that they had later scrapped.
The final one was a side profile of a woman. Tony had found it in the small bedroom in Y/N’s home. She was younger, not yet burdened by the world. Her smile was easy, her eyes soft. She wore a lilac sundress, a flower tucked behind her ear.
It had been almost seven months since he had last seen her face, heard her voice. The search had been given up when Thor came back, reeking of alcohol and sadness. He had told him that he was too late, that she was already Loki’s and there was no way of getting her home.
She was gone, married to the monster responsible for the death of more than 80 people and the almost complete destruction of New York. He dreaded even thinking of what was happening to her, what he was making her do. Everything he had tried to get her home had failed.
Building a long range rocket to somehow reach Jotunheim. Trying to beat up a depressed Thor and forcing him to take Tony to her. Even trying to bribe Strange. All of it crashed and burned.
It was only last month, during a late night brainstorm that Pepper had convinced him to stop. “She made her choice Tony. She married him of her own free will.” It destroyed her to tell him that but he needed to hear it, he had to know it wasn’t his fault. He had broken down in her arms but he was ok, finally.
AC/DC, as usual, blasted far too loud through his home lab. His ears pounded with the high volume but he kept plotting along, his eyes focused on yet another suit design that FRIDAY had pulled up for him. Pepper was out at a charity gala that he couldn’t be bothered to attend so he could stay up as late as he wished, or rather, how late his body would allow given that the only thing in his system was a smoothie and many cups of coffee.
“Hey boss, Thor has just made a landing on Earth.” The AI pipped up. Tony sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
“And why is that of any importance to me?” There was a beat of silence before the hologram before him disappeared and a video feed filled his vision. Thor was standing outside the gate, a woman held tightly in his arms. His armour looked strangely burnt, the silver metal blackened, his cape ripped.
“Is that?” Tony started, his eyes widening.
“Yes Boss, it’s Miss Y/N.” He stumbled to his feet, knocking over everything on the bench. His chest constricted with panic. She was alive, she was here. “Should I let them in, boss?” But he didn’t respond, lost in a blind haze. Tony ripped through the lab, his disbelief and returning hope driving him forward faster and faster until he was sprinting through his home, FRIDAY’s voice following close behind him.
“Y/N!” He consciously knew she couldn’t hear him but he had to call her name, to make this real. The front doors swung open before him like gates to a new world. The setting sun illuminated a pair of figures, forming a beautiful glow around their heads.
Her head lolled against the god’s shoulder and in the fading light, he saw her smile sadly at him. “Tony.” There was no grace to his movements as he collided with them, only pure relief. Her soft body fell into his embrace and he finally felt like he could breathe again.
“I’ve got you. You’ll never have to leave again.” There was movement in his peripheral vision as Thor backed away from them. Tony chanced a glance at the god who had brought her home. He looked devastated. He could only speculate about what had happened to them both for them to end up here. A sudden wetness forced his brown eyes back down to Y/N.
She was crying quietly, sobs that sounded strained like she had nothing left to give. Tony cupped the back of her head as he wrapped his other arm around her shoulders. “Keep her safe, there's work to be done.” And with that haunting message, Thor was gone.
“Let’s get you inside and put on some human clothes.” She chuckled tearfully against his chest and Tony smiled, feeling the way her own lips curved up in that grin he knew so well.
“I really want a cheeseburger right now.”
“Then let’s get as many greasy slabs of meat as you can stand and a milkshake too.” Her laugh became more joyous, a sound he missed so dearly. “Come on, you also have months of trash TV to catch up on. You won’t believe the shit you missed on the Real Housewives.” He helped her to her feet, noting the shirt she wore that was far too big to be her own. He resolved to burn it as soon as she took it off.
She hummed in agreement. “I miss my phone too, and coffee. Dear lord, I would kill for a coffee.” His arm wrapped around her shoulder, guiding her into the luxurious mansion, leading her away from the nightmare she had escaped.
“Now you’re speaking my language, kid. Coffee and a phone coming right up!”
Cold water washed over her as Y/N stood in the massive shower. She was still running terribly hot, her skin blazing like a bad fever. Emotions swirled in her mind, the anxiety, fear, and sadness. But what made it worse was that every time she closed her eyes, she saw Loki.
She wished her mind showed her his terrifying anger, the evil deeds he had done but instead she watched snap shots of their life together. The way he held her protectively while they slept, his huge arms winding around her soft body to keep her pressed against his muscular chest. The rare instances where he would chuckle under his breath at one of her outbursts. Even those times where he kissed her with a passion she had never encountered before.
Her chest ached with the simultaneous feeling of complete betrayal and the relief to be home with people who loved her. But seeing her ex-boss again, eating their favourite meal together, even watching menopausal white women yelling at each other felt different. Everything was just as she left it, but she had changed fundamentally.
Her fingers brushed the slim chain of her collar which she had not had the heart to take off yet. Everything else had been stripped away and she assumed destroyed in the most violent way possible by the eccentric billionaire but the necklace remained.
Shutting off the water, she dried almost immediately, the remaining droplets evaporating into the chill air of the bathroom. A small pile of clothes were left on the counter for her, suspiciously they weren’t new but in fact from her now abandoned apartment in the Avengers Tower.
She caught her reflection in the huge mirror on the otherside of the blindingly white bathroom. She was not the girl she was before. Her innocence and trust in the world was robbed from her, replaced with an anger and cynicism that would have disgusted her younger self. Her body was now covered in scars, the branding of the torture she endured both mentally and physically.
Y/N traced the lines of her body, now more rounded out than the last time she was on Earth but she did not feel a hatred for those extra pounds that sat on her curves. It meant that she had survived, and now, she would have the chance to live again.
As she quickly redressed, hiding her necklace under the large plaid Tony had given her. Sadly, she glanced at her left hand. Her ring had been the first thing taken from her.
Tony ripped it from her finger as soon as he saw it, tucking it into the pocket of his jeans with the promise that he would melt it down into nothing. She couldn’t admit to even herself that her hand felt wrong without the familiar weight of the bulky ring.
A sudden knock on the door shook her from her thoughts. “Did you drown in there?” Tony said jokingly but she could hear the worry in his voice.
“I’m fine boss, just getting dressed.” His sigh of relief was loud enough to hear through the large door. Double checking her appearance and making sure her scars were covered, Y/N opened the door, the ripped ruins of her husband’s shirt in her arms.
As soon as Tony made eye contact with the younger woman, his shoulders slumped. “C’mon kid, let’s get you downstairs, there are some people that want to see you.” The silk was taken from her grasp with a quick yank and tucked behind his back.
Y/N’s heart rate spiked. The last time she was surrounded by people was her wedding. She had been isolated for months, only seeing Loki or his father on occasion. But still she nodded, painting a strained smile on her face to appease her mentor. He had told her of the effort and pain the whole team went through to find her again, she had to see them.
He took her arm in a friendly gesture. Y/N froze up. Suddenly her belly was filled with fear as bile rose in her throat. They marched side by side to the main sitting room where she picked up overlapping murmuring of voices. Each step brought back memories of her biological father pulling her forward to a fate she agreed to but did not want.
She heard the clack of her heels, felt the weight of the tiara on her head, heard the swoosh of the beads Frigg had given her, with each step. Her fingers curled tightly around Tony’s bicep causing him to hiss. Her eyes were wide with fear.
Logically, she knew these people would never hurt her but yet, she was still terrified. “Hey hey, we don’t have to do this now.” Tony had stopped walking only a few feet from the entryway to the large room and turned to face her.
Y/N shook her head. “It’s fine, I’m fine.” But her words were hollow.
He glanced at her skeptically. “Ok- how about if you need to tap out, say pineapple. It’s my safe word.” That made her giggle, easing the building pressure in her chest.
“Could you get any more basic?” She teased. Taking in a deep breath, she stepped forward once more, entering a window to her past.
The Avengers looked like they had been trapped in time until she returned. There were small differences, like Bucky’s short hair and Steve’s beard but all in all, they looked just as she remembered them. It felt like a dream, an image her mind had conjured up as some sort of unconscious protection from the cruel reality she had been living in.
Her eyes locked with Wanda’s grey ones. The witch gasped, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. This caused the others to look around, searching for the source of her shock. “Y/N!” She threw herself at said woman, enveloping her in the warmest, tightest hug Y/N had ever experienced.
That seemed to break the others from their trance. They swarmed her like ants, each attempting to embrace her but stopped by the arms of another team member. Even as her brain was thrumming with panic, she laughed. Those feelings were shoved down as far as they would go, inevitably to be dealt with when she woke up from her nightmares.
She could barely catch individual words as they spoke over each other, eager to hear of her ordeal. There was only one that hung back. Steve looked like he was about to cry, his blue eyes shone with tears he couldn't hide as he crumpled onto the couch behind him.
Instantly, the way was cleared for Y/N. “Steve.” She whispered. He wouldn't look at her. She knew he must've been wracked with guilt, blaming himself for what happened to her like the noble and slightly foolish man he was. Y/N repeated his name, drawing closer to the soldier, her body trembling.
His broad shoulders shook with silent sobs, becoming more hysterical the closer she got. “I-I can't believe this. You're not here.” The others had gone silent, glancing at each other with looks of worry. They knew Steve had taken her disappearance hard but they didn't think it was this bad.
“I'm here. I'm home.” She fell to her knees before him, dipping her head so she could catch a glimpse of his eyes. “I'm safe.” Tentatively, he reached for her, the tips of his fingers just barely touching her full cheek. As soon as he made contact with her hot skin, something snapped in his mind.
Strong arms wrapped so tightly around her, her ribs creaked with the force. But it didn't hurt. “I've got you.” Tears soaked into her shirt from where he tucked his face against her neck.
Y/N expected that usual warm feeling to settle on her chest from whenever Steve touched her, the butterflies in her stomach and dare she say it but the spark of arousal between her legs. And yet, as she held him more intimately than ever before, emotions flying, she felt nothing.
Well, she did feel sad, she chose to marry Loki and put all of her friends through this. She had a fondness for Steve she knew would never dissipate but it seemed now there was an icy grip on her heart, holding all of her affections back. “Oh Stevie. I'm so sorry.”
The room grew quiet. They had all waited for this moment for so long and yet there was a wrongness to it that no one could identify. Y/N was different. Bucky clocked onto it first, seeing how dull her eyes were, how guarded her body language. She was holding back, fearful of something or someone. Or more likely, a whole room full of people.
“Let's give them some space.” He grabbed Sam by the shoulder as the younger man went to swoop in for another hug, “I'm sure we'll all get our fair share of Y/N time now that she's home.” A grateful look confirmed his suspicions. He nodded as he led the others away.
She watched them leave. He knew that look, it was the same way that he used to look at the world when he first escaped HYDRA. She was questioning if what she was seeing was really real or just some dream. Just as he turned to exit, Y/N shifted, causing her shirt to lift over her hip, exposing a small sliver of skin but it was more than enough to reveal the puckered flesh of a scar, one that looked painful and deep.
Their eyes met and it was like looking in a mirror, a broken and bloody mirror. With a silent promise to himself to check in on her later, Bucky shut the door softly behind him.
“It's just us now Stevie, you don't have to worry any more.” Her knees were getting sore from kneeling on the hardwood floor but Steve wasn't letting go anytime soon so she just resolved to sit there and wait for him to let go.
“I thought you were gone forever. And it was my fault.” He felt so small in her arms, so weak. He was crumbling before her like a sandcastle caught in the incoming tide.
Y/N shook her head. “No Steve it isn't, I promise you that.” And no more could be said. He would insist he was at fault, and she would reassure him that it wasn't the case as more and more shame built up in her gut. So they stayed quiet, holding each other on the floor, both wishing they could turn back the clock.
“Little star, it’s time to wake up.” A smooth voice crooned. A cold hand cupped her full cheek, encouraging her to wake from the light slumber she found herself in. She smiled but quickly stamped it out, keeping her eyes firmly shut. “You cannot sleep forever, my star.”
“I’m not asleep.” Her voice was filled with laughter just waiting to bubble out.
“Oh really?” He hummed. “Then what are you? Because you look asleep to me.” His voice grew closer and she could feel his warm breath against the cup of her ear.
“I've been cursed and only you can break the spell.” Even with her eyes closed, she knew he was smiling in that wicked way he always did before he lathered her with his attention.
“And how do you propose I do that?” He asked like he didn't already know the answer. His fingers trailed down from her cheek, tracing the curve of her jaw, down the softness of her chin, then following the lines of her neck until he reached her collarbone which had been exposed by the t-shirt she wore.
Her breath hitched the lower he went, goosebumps following in his wake. “True love's kiss.” She felt him lean closer, his slim chest pressing against her left shoulder.
His lips were cold, as they usually were, but they were the softest things she ever felt. The kiss was gentle at first, merely a brush of his lips against hers but soon, he rested more of his weight on top of her, his hunger for increasing exponentially.
But far too soon, he pulled away and her eyes fluttered open. “It's time to go, my star.” She frowned.
“But I don't want to go, I never want to leave your side.” Black hair hung over them like a curtain, shielding their faces from the rest of the world. She knew he didn't want to leave, but he had to, just like how she had to go home before her mother got too worried.
“I know my darling but one day, one day we will be together forever.” His green eyes shone with love as he looked down upon her.
“Do you promise?”
“Always.”
Y/N jolted awake, gasping for air like she had been drowning. These dreams were becoming more vivid as if she were revisiting a memory that had only occurred the day before. The boy had been a fixture of both her childhood and teen days, a comforting presence that only a first love could be.
“Little fucking star.” She growled, throwing the sheets from her body and slipping from the too soft bed Tony had provided her that she could never find rest in. Even with the air conditioning on full blast and sleeping naked, Y/N felt too hot, too uncomfortable.
She knew that her body was used to the freezing temperatures of Jotunheim and having a living ice cube sleep beside her but she didn't want to admit that out loud. It would be like admitting that she actually cared for the man that ripped her life apart and destroyed any future hope for an actually healthy relationship.
Darkness still enveloped the wooded area around the mansion, it must have been still early morning. Haphazardly, she grabbed coverup, concealing her naked body, and ventured out into the house, in search of something to occupy her mind.
It had been just over a week since Thor returned her to Earth. And to say it had been strange would be an incredible understatement. No more than three other people would be in a room with her, even movie nights and dinners were split up so she wasn't overwhelmed. Everyone walked on eggshells around her, consumed by their own guilt and frightened by what, if anything, would trigger her.
The only person that had actually treated her normally was Bucky and she supposed that was because he had gone through something similar. Well not the being forced to marry a god that tried to start a war in order to get revenge against his previous adoptive father, but the being kidnapped and experimented on part of it.
And then there was the person she had been avoiding for the six days she had been there, Steve. It was hard to look him in the eye and see that undying love he held for her while her own heart was confused and broken simultaneously.
The house was thankfully silent as Y/N walked along, mindlessly wandering as she got lost in her own thoughts. Most of the Avengers had decided to temporarily stay with the Starks in an effort to provide some sort of normality for her. Only Clint, Bruce and Peter returned to their own homes, leaving the mansion still quite full.
“It's a bit late for a midnight snack.”
“Holy shit!” Y/N jumped at the sound of another voice interrupting her thoughts. Bucky sat at the counter, dressed in a red henley and sweatpants, his short hair still mussed from sleep, sipping a coffee that had gone cold a while ago.
He slyly smiled at her from behind his mug. “Don't scare me like that, asshole.” She grumbled but her scolding only served to make his eyes light up in amusement. Padding over to the pantry, Y/N began searching for something. She didn't know what she wanted but it was so nice to have that choice of just looking at a shelf full of food while she decided what to eat.
“You're the one stalking around a dark house in the middle of the night, I'm just having a coffee. Can't sleep?” She hummed.
“I'm thinking mac and cheese. Do you want some?” She knew she was being obvious with her avoidance of the question but hopefully the super soldier would take the hint and just drop it.
But Bucky was nothing short of persistent. With the silent steps of a weathered assassin, he cautiously approached her. “Go sit, I'll cook it for you.”
“No!” She snapped and suddenly the air in the room got ten degrees hotter. Bucky stepped back preparing for another outburst, but her shoulders fell, and so did the temperature. Her right hand cupped her cheek in a self-soothing manner. “I'm sorry. I just, I need to do this myself.”
“I know. How about I make us some hot chocolate to go with it?” Taking his chance, Bucky moved forward once more, his metal hand coming to rest on her bicep in a friendly touch.
“Y-yes thank you.” Her voice was shaky but her hands were steady, he would take that as a win. With a kiss pressed to her temple that made her release a shuddering breath, he left her to cook her mac and cheese as he started some hot chocolate. Maybe tomorrow she would open up some more.
“Hey Wanda?” The TV played a rerun of an old sitcom the witch was fond of, the volume down low so as to not wake Vis, who was somehow asleep. Her head lolled back on the couch and saw Y/N standing nervously in the doorway.
Her face was illuminated by the flashing lights of the show. Red. Blue. Red. Blue. Wanda could feel how conflicted her mind was, how lost and broken she felt. It was hard not to. Sadness oozed from the demigod like oil spilling into the ocean. “I need help.”
The testing room for Tony's suits was surprisingly empty given how many projects he was working on at once. Already, FRIDAY had a fire safety protocol in place plus a protective shield for Wanda if Y/N happened to go nuclear. “I'm sorry, what do you want me to do?” The red haired woman asked in disbelief.
“I want you to get into my head and find out how exactly my powers work. Lo- he tried to help me control them but I passed out whenever we trained. I need more control.” Her brow was set with determination. “So come on, slap my brain around a bit. It'll really help me out.”
Appalled, Wanda's mouth hung open in shock. “Y/N, that's not going to help. I think it might just make this whole thing worse.” But it seemed, she wouldn't listen to reason.
“I don't know what I'm capable of or even what could set me off. I need to find that trigger before I hurt someone. Please Wanda.” She crossed her arms over her slim chest.
But as she looked at the other woman, feeling her pain and her terror, she relented. “Fine, but I get to stop at any time for any reason. Deal?” Y/N's face lit up and Wanda was suddenly struck by the thought that she hadn't really seen her smile like this since before she disappeared.
“Thank you! Thank you!” She almost jumped for joy and Wanda watched as a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders. How heavy had this burden been and why would she want to carry it alone. Y/N scuttled off to the center of the room, stripping off the oversized long-sleeve shirt and leggings she wore, leaving her in a sports bra and panties.
Catching Wanda's curious gaze, she shrugged. “I don't want to burn up my clothes and have to walk back to my room naked.”
“Fair.” She agreed. The scars were obvious now, standing out like tattoos against her skin. Wanda was fascinated by the morbid beauty of the largest of them. “So how do you want me to do this?”
“Just get in there and poke around, see what sticks.” Red mist curled around her head as she steeled herself for the inevitable onslaught of emotion.
An older man laughing through tears of sleep deprivation as he leaned against her.
Pain, knives slicing into her skin.
Blinding white and cold, the coldness of a hand as he slid a heavy ring on her finger.
Warmth as strong arms encircle her.
The taste of foreign fruit exploding on her tongue.
Tones of blue and red, lips coming closer to her own.
The sound of his amusement.
The smell of his hair.
Suddenly, all of it disappeared with a shocked gasp. Y/N shakily opened her eyes to see the devastation before her. The now previously white walls of the room were black with char, smoke curling from beneath her feet. Wanda still stood behind a protective shield but her face was coloured with terror.
“We have so much fucking work to do.”
“It's not always nightmares.” A lone lamp in the corner of the living room was the only source of light for the pair, casting their faces in soft shadows. Bucky looked at Y/N from over his small plate of leftovers, noodles hanging from his lips as he took in what she said. “I dream of a boy I used to know sometimes.”
He quickly slurped up the rest of his food and put his plate to the side, shrugging. “I sometimes dream about Dot but they are of the damp variety if you know what I mean.” With a disgusted look on her face, Y/N slapped his arm but Bucky could see the way her mouth turned up in a shy smile.
“Shut up Barnes! I don't want to hear about your centuries old conquests!” He chuckled along with her.
“It was barely a century ago and besides who are you to judge, virgin.” He stuck his tongue out at her childishly which made her laugh even more.
Their midnight chats had become a nightly occurrence, a colliding of two alike souls who were destined to drift apart once more like passing galaxies. She spent her days training, learning what she was truly capable of and her nights were for soothing her hurt.
Bucky was of two minds about the whole thing. He knew that he could help Y/N in a way that none of the others could but it broke his heart to see his best friend so hurt. No one knew why she had been avoiding Steve, well maybe Wanda did but there was no way she was going to say.
Steve needed to talk to her, to touch her and make sure she was real but whenever Y/N saw him, she would leave the room and isolate until it was time for her and Bucky to have their little chats. “I just keep dreaming about him. I don't remember his name or really what he looked like, but I know that he made me happy.”
She looked wistfully into the darkness as if trying to conjure him to appear before her. “It could be your mind trying to comfort itself, creating someone to deal with all the trauma you went through.”
Her brows furrowed. “But it feels so real, he felt so real.” Curling her shapely legs beneath her, Y/N leaned against the back of the couch, her eyes shifting upwards to the ceiling. This happened a lot, she would drown in her own mind, overwhelmed by the waves of emotion.
“He might have been, a long time ago. But there is someone who is real that could help you.”
“Bucky-” Her gaze flicked down to him.
“No listen. Steve adores you and he cares for you in a way that I have never seen him care for someone before. You two need to hash out what ever the fuck has been going on.” His words carry a weight that Y/N already felt on her chest. “Let him help you.”
Taking in a deep breath, she tried to find the words to explain to him that she couldn't, when her breath caught in her throat. Emerging from the shadows, Steve loomed over the pair. Evidently, he had been working out, he donned his usual track pants and white t-shirt that was always a size too small. Sweat still glistened on his forehead, making his blond hair appear even darker.
Her head snapped to the former Winter Soldier, leveling him with a glare that sent a shot of fear down his spine. In that moment, he saw her become the goddess they all logically knew her to be, terrifying and beautiful. But her anger was controlled, measured. She knew he had told Steve to come up during their talk and he knew that she would get her revenge one way or another.
“You two need to talk. I'll see you in the morning.” Bucky began to reach out to touch her shoulder in a friendly gesture but faltered when he caught the flash of betrayal in her eyes.
Steve quickly took his place on the couch, his blue eyes boring into her soul. Guilt ignited in her veins. At first she avoided him because she was confused, her feelings were jumbled and running wild. But now, after having her brain turned into soup and put back together again by Wanda, she knew why.
“You, um you're looking a lot better.”
“Thank you. I think I just needed some junk food and TV.” She huffed nervously. Every fibre of her body was telling her to run but she forced herself to stay, she owed him that. Reaching down, she fished her now cold cup of tea from the floor and cupped the ceramic gently between her palms.
You're mine, little one. Heat soon flowed between her skin and the cup, quickly heating it back up. Steve looked at her in fascination as the tea began to steam. “Wow.”
She chuckled and curled into herself even more. “Pretty wild right?” He gave her that dazzling smile she knew so well, the one that made people around the country swoon when they saw it, his fake smile.
“Yeah, it's a neat trick.” She cringed at the insincere tone of his voice. Steve readjusted himself, his knees spreading wide so he could bend forward and plant his elbows onto his strong thighs. His fingers intertwined beneath his nose in a pose that screamed dominance. “So.”
“So?” He exhaled harshly through his nose.
“You've been avoiding me. No, don't try to argue, you have. I've spent days trying to figure out what I did wrong and I couldn't figure out what it was. But then, I overheard you and Wanda training.” Her heart dropped. She knew what conversation he was talking about.
“Y/N, I think we seriously need to talk about what your powers are tied to.” Confused, she glanced over at the witch and in the process, extinguished the flame floating freely before her.
“What do you mean?” She asked. Wanda sighed deeply from her place on the small bench they had dragged into the testing room. Her red hair hung heavily around her face, framing the devastating expression she was sporting.
“Throughout everything, all your thoughts, your feelings, your fears, your hopes, they are tied to one person.” Her voice was soft like she was breaking bad news to Y/N.
“Steve?”
“What? No. Loki you idiot!”
Not convinced, Y/N shook her head. “No, I hate him, I want nothing to do with that piece of shit!” But her words held no conviction. Patting the spot beside her, Wanda gestured for the other woman to sit down with her.
“You say that but I have seen your mind. You may not have liked him at first, but you have grown to care for him. Your souls are intertwined like you have loved each other for decades. No matter what has happened, you do lo-”
“Shut up.” She snarled, suddenly turning on her friend. “You don't know what he did to me, what he caused. He is a monster, nothing more.”
“I have seen him through your eyes! No matter how much you tell yourself that you despise him, it isn't true. I hate this as much as you do but it's a fact. You're in love with him.” There was a clatter from the opposite end of the room, causing both women to whip their heads around but there was nothing there.
Tentatively, Wanda faced Y/N again. “And he loves you. In some twisted, sick way, he needs you more than anything in this universe.” Fat tears streamed down her full cheeks as Wanda took her by the hands. “You need to admit that, and then we can move on.”
“Ok, fine.”
“You're avoiding me because he tricked you into falling in love with him!” The rage came swiftly like a summer storm. “He took you from us, from me! He forced you to marry him! And you're in love with him?!”
But her anger was the tsunami, not the rain. “You know what, fuck you Rogers. You don't know what I've been through and you certainly can't judge me for doing what I had to in order to survive.”
“You need physiological help Y/N! You're obviously suffering from Stockholm Syndrome! I can help you! I can make it better!” He attempted to reach for her but she jerked away. His eyes flashed with pain at her rejection but she truly could not give less of a shit.
“Oh and what do you get out of this? You fix me and then what, I fall at your feet and offer to blow you as a thank you?” A dark pink flush spread across his cheeks and Y/N scoffed. She rose from her seat, slamming her mug of tea back down onto the coffee table in front of them. “That's what I thought. Don't speak to me again unless you're ready to actually fucking listen to me instead of pretending to be my hero. And tell Bucky that he can go fuck himself.”
Smoke rose from the empty cup, the only thing remaining was burnt tea leaves.
“I need to talk to my brother.”
“That's a weird way to say 'good morning my favourite human. Would you do me the honour of using your insanely large brains and good looks to contact my idiot brother?'” Tony didn't even bother to look up from his work as he answered but when Y/N didn't reply, he lifted his head.
She stood in the entryway to his lab, her expression that of pure hatred. He could see the heat around her, making the hardwood beneath her feet warp and curl from the flames within her. Her eyes were pure white, milky like those of a corpse. “My brother. Now.”
He had seen that look before, but it had been four years ago, looking into the eyes of a man that wanted to kill him and his entire species. How far had Loki sunk his claws into her?
“Ok ok just keep your pants on, this could take a minute.” That seemed to appease her as slowly, the colour returned to her irises almost like dye bleeding through white fabric. Her shoulders dropped and she staggered forward collapsing into a chair by his work bench. “You wanna tell me what happened?”
“Not really.” Came her response.
“Does it have something to do with the midnight rendezvous you've been having with the Manchurian Candidate? Or the mind melding with our wicked witch?” Y/N groaned and slipped from the chair, practically melting into the cool concrete of the floor.
“Sort of. It's mostly Steve though.” Tony glanced at her over the line of code he was writing so that Thor could be alerted. “He just- ugh I hate men!”
“You can't have your big brother beat him up. No matter how much I dislike the Golden Boy, he's useful and the press like him, we don't need him dead.”
Y/N sat up onto her elbows. The white streak of hair that she left out of her usual hair styles, falling perfectly over the left side of her face. “Please, I don't want to talk about it right now.”
“Riiight. Do you need your timeout room until point break gets here?”
“Maybe a little bit.” He smiles kindly, as a father would to their child and nods his head towards the door diagonal to him.
“Go on, I'll have FRIDAY let you know when I get through to him.” With a groan, she pulled herself to her feet, staggering only once before she righted herself and slipped into the testing room.
Tony turned back to his code but was interrupted once more as Y/N poked her head out from behind the door. “I know I don't say it enough, but thank you.”
“Go blow something up and stop bothering me.” He said dismissively but she heard the waiver of his voice.
“Whatever you say, old man.”
The sound of small explosions soon became a white noise. The rumbling under his feet turned them numb but Tony didn't want to complain. He had seen her power, spying on her training with Wanda on occasion, only to be struck by what he had seen.
Fire swirled around her like wind, a rainbow of reds and blue and whites. Her face was always at peace, her arms moving gracefully as she conducted an orchestra of destruction. But when she was mad, she really got mad.
The flames became huge waves that would crash over her. Blind with rage, she would let it consume her whole until she collapsed in a heap. And today, seemed like one of those days.
Absent-mindedly, Tony switched on the fire suppression system for when the room got too hot and then returned to his work. The message had been sent out, now all he had to do was wait.
“Where's Y/N? Did something happen? Is she ok?” The lights in the lab had brightened with the rising sun, but as usual, Tony was too absorbed in his own head to realise how much time had passed. The sudden panicked voice broke him from his thoughts.
He went to answer the frazzled god who stood in the slightly damaged doorway but found his throat was bone dry. He really needed to drink more water. So instead, he gestured vaguely to the training room and Thor took off. His huge bulk bumped into several tables, knocking a few important projects to the floor. He ignored Tony's hoarse shouts of protest in favour of almost ripping the door from its hinges to get to his sister.
But evidently, there was no need to panic. Y/N was sitting on the floor in the middle of the white room, covered in a white foam. Her expression was both one of absolute glee and extreme annoyance. “He could have just sprayed water on me and not this shit.”
Thor's head dropped forward in relief. “That is not very dignified for a princess.”
“Suck my royal ass.” She retorted. She held her hand out and her brother wasted no time pulling her to her feet and into a tight hug.
“I'm glad you're alright, sister. Tony's message worried me.” Slowly, his arms unwound from her, letting her take a step back so their eyes could meet.
“I need to talk to you about something that none of the others would understand.” The strained tone behind her words, immediately sobered his mood.
“Very well, get cleaned up and I will take you somewhere private.”
As it turns out, somewhere private was Thor's small cabin in Norway that had been set up for him a month after his sister's marriage. Apparently, he had gone mad with grief, falling into bad habits that put the other Avengers at risk. So they created a home for him in the wilderness where he could indulge without hurting others.
It was small, probably far too small for someone of his incredible stature, especially with all the little trinkets scattered around and framed photos on the walls. There were some generic stock photos of flowers or beaches but there were also candid shots of their friends, a gorgeous one of Jane in her lab, and a copy of the photo of Y/N that Tony had on his desk.
“I hope this is far enough away for you to be comfortable.” Thor said nervously, his anxiety spiked at what she could need from him.
“Thor, we could have just gone to my room, but I appreciate the effort.” She chuckled as she ran her fingers over the photo of her brother very obviously drunk with his arms wrapped around Peter and an inebriated Sam. “You've got a lot of pictures here.”
“Yes! Cameras are such a magnificent invention, certainly better than sitting for portraits for hours on end as a child.” Y/N glanced back at her brother from over her shoulder.
“Do you have any portraits here? I bet you were such a cute kid.” He visibly lit up. With ginger steps, he scooted around her and walked further into the cabin.
He disappeared into what she presumed was the bedroom at the back of the house. There was a brief moment of silence and then a crash, followed by some truly explicit curses. Thor soon emerged with a small box in one hand and a red splotch on his forehead which he was currently rubbing with his free palm.
“I stole these from mother but I guess she knew because she gave me more.” He squeezed into one of the small kitchen chairs. Y/N had the distinct thought that he looked like an adult trying to sit in a child's seat. He laid the box down in front of him and carefully lifted the ornate lid, letting Y/N catch a brief glimpse of the collection of papers inside.
Without needing to be told, she sat opposite him, elbows on the table, hands folded beneath her soft jaw in waiting. The first he pulled out was a simple sketch of Frigg. She looked far younger than Y/N remembered her. She was gazing out a window, wind blowing through her loose hair. “She's beautiful.”
“Indeed, our mother is a handsome woman.” He simply commented and moved on quickly. The next was of him as a baby, she could tell because of the shock of blond hair atop his head and huge blue eyes. He was being held by his mother as Odin stood proudly next to them, his armour gleaming even through the medium of paints.
Many photos followed after, showing his slow progression of growing up, but as he was in the middle of a story about the first time he held a sword (at the ripe old age of three), Y/N froze, her entire body going stock still. “Who is this?”
Thor stood beside another boy, his arm wrapped around his shoulders. He was taller than the other but they looked to be similar in age, around their mid teens. He was smiling broadly while the boy under his arm kept a straight face. His black hair was slicked back, away from his face, highlighting the high cheek bones that would emerge with puberty and his shocking green eyes. It was the boy from her dreams.
Before Thor could answer, she flipped the small portrait over to read the inscription left in the corner of the canvas, written in Frigg's hand. Thor and my little star.
“Oh, I didn't realise that was in here.” He was avoiding the question.
“I-I've been dreaming about this boy. I knew him a long time ago, before my mother died.”
“Are you positive that it's the same boy in your dreams?” He implored, his jaw set and brow furrowed.
“Of course I am! I've been seeing him almost every night and whenever Wanda got into my head.” The air seemed to freeze with tension, and then shattered as a sudden epiphany came over the older god.
“Sister, it seems you have known Loki for far longer than any of us have realised.” Her gaze dropped back down to the image in her hands, focusing on the boy as her fingers unconsciously reached for the necklace hidden beneath her shirt.
“What in the actual fuck?”
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endgame
header by @/earlgreymon
for @ashxketchum!! requested some time ago and finally got to finish it (there's a part that just won't write itself!). i know you asked for takari but your takari for me, my mimato for you (even though it's a little unfair since i love mimato, too). i still do hope you like it! i had a lot of fun writing this and it kinda went on and on as i typed once the part finally wrote itself. anyways! enjoy (i hope)!!
endgame | main characters ; yamato ishida, mimi tachikawa, some taichi yagami and sora takenouchi, can't forget gabumon, palmon, agumon, and piyomon | universe ; au / can be placed anywhere after 02 | ships ; yamato x mimi, taichi x sora, takeru x hikari | genre ; fluff, humor | word count ; 2,235 | rating ; 13+ | edited ; three times - forgive me for any mistakes
Yamato was never in the mood for flirting. He knew people fawned over him, he knew his band was worshiped by those his age, and sure, he did “have a feeling” that flirting was going to be part of his life. But he never even tried to flirt back. Well, maybe he did, but it was usually against his will.
The band was not together anymore, having to go their separate ways, but he still loved them. The flirting, however, did not stop. He knew he was a good-looking guy but now that he was living a life that did not involve anything that required him to “go out there and fly”, maybe a life without people flirting with him 24/7 would be nice.
He and Taichi were having a meal in a small diner with Gabumon and Agumon hidden beside them. The digimons were enjoying their food while their partners talked about school.
Although they took up different courses, they still had some minor classes together, which, despite Yamato not admitting it, was a relief from all the other students they swarmed with. He had made some friends, but no one at the same level he had with Taichi. Everyone came from different backgrounds, and if they were to be honest, it was a little overwhelming, especially since it was their first year in university.
“Are you going to Shinichi’s party on Friday?” Taichi asked.
“Who’s Shinichi?” Yamato questioned, not bothering to look up from his food.
“He’s in one of our minor classes,” Taichi responded, “cool guy. But this party is a little too early, don’t you think? It could be a way to make some friends, I guess. Wanna go together?”
“Can we go?” Agumon asked.
“A party’s always fun,” Gabumon said.
Taichi smiled at them and then looked at Yamato. “What do you say?”
Yamato looked over at the smiling Gabumon and Agumon and sighed. “Okay, let’s go.”
“Great!” Taichi exclaimed.
“But you’re driving,” Yamato said.
“Sora will.”
“Sora?”
“Yeah. She wants to go. But she wants to bring her car so that she can leave anytime she wants.” Taichi shrugged. “Her mom’s car. And she said walking would be a pain, Shinichi’s venue is a little far.”
“We can always ask Birdramon to fly us away,” Agumon jested.
Taichi chuckled, Gabumon laughed, and even Yamato gave a smile.
“So what time do we meet her?” Yamato asked.
“Not sure yet. But we’ll ask her, or message if we don’t see each other anytime soon.”
Yamato smirked. “Right. Anytime soon.”
When Friday arrived, Sora, Taichi, and Yamato, along with their digimon partners, were packed inside Sora’s mom’s car. It was just a four-seater after all, it would only be Mrs. Takenouchi, Sora, whenever Mr. Takenouchi would come home, and Piyomon. And of course, Piyomon rode shotgun, while the men were cramped at the back.
“I think we’re here,” Sora said, looking out the window.
“Finally,” Yamato sighed in relief.
“The place is packed and in full swing!” Taichi said.
“Let’s just find a place to park. Doesn’t look like there’s a lot of cars.”
As they drove around, Gabumon pointed at a spot and Sora immediately swirled to get to it. Both Taichi and Yamato looked at each other, surprised by the speed and sudden jerk of the ride.
They got out of the car and Taichi whispered how his soul nearly left his body after that short ride. Yamato rolled his eyes and stated that he was overreacting.
“His place isn’t that big up-close,” Taichi observed. “It’s just the garden.”
“You think there’ll be beer?” Yamato wondered.
“You three find a spot,” Sora ordered. “Somewhere we can see each other.”
“I don’t think there is a place where we can see each other,” Yamato said.
That could be true. The house was packed. So far, the three have not found anyone they knew. But they were just outside and there were not many people around, perhaps they would find more people inside.
“Think you three can go around without being seen?” Taichi asked.
“Of course!” All three digimons grinned.
The group dispersed, the digimons to the right and the Chosen Children straight ahead.
When they reached inside, they looked around for anyone familiar. After a minute of standing by the door, Sora was called by another young lady and she excused herself from the boys.
“We’ll leave at midnight on the dot,” she told them as she walked away.
“Yes, ma’am,” they both murmured.
After some time of just being together, people-watching, someone came up to them. Taichi straightened up while Yamato raised an eyebrow.
“Hey, glad you two can make it!”
“Thanks for the invite, Shinichi,” Taichi said, smiling.
“Yeah, the party’s great,” Yamato said, although he actually did not find the party that great.
“I’m glad you think so, Yamato. I really wanted your approval.” Shinichi grinned. “I heard you were pretty popular back then, I know you are right now. I wanted the approval of someone who knows how to party.”
“I don’t know how to party,” he replied. “I was in a band, but that didn’t mean we were always partying.”
“I see.” Shinichi pursed his lips. “I’m sorry for assuming. But anyway, enjoy the party.” And he waved goodbye as he disappeared into the crowd.
“I think he likes you,” Taichi joked.
Yamato sighed. “I don’t regret the band.”
“I know you don’t, we all do.” Taichi placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “But come on, enough of this. Time to have fun before the old lady tells us to go home.” He snickered.
Yamato scoffed. “I’m going to tell her you said that, I’m sure she won’t like it. At all.”
They both laughed.
The two did enjoy the party. They made new acquaintances and even stuck with a group. They invited Sora in and the three were glad they had new people by their side.
At some point, as the group was talking, Sora paused mid-sentence and everyone waited for her to continue.
“So—?”
“Mimi!”
Both Taichi and Yamato immediately looked to where Sora saw Mimi, followed by the rest of the group.
“What’s she doing here?” Sora wondered, her voice filled with worry.
“Why?” One of the members asked. “What’s wrong?”
Sora shook her head and headed straight for the young girl. Taichi and Yamato followed suit.
“Mimi,” Sora called her.
Mimi looked back and grinned. “Sora!” She stepped forward and gave her a hug, which Sora returned. When they let go, Mimi hugged both Taichi and Yamato as well. “I’m sure Palmon has found the others already.”
“Mimi,” Sora said softly. “What are you doing here?”
“I was invited,” she smiled. “They said there was going to be a party here and I thought it might be fun, you know. And Palmon’s with me.”
“Mimi,” Taichi started. “Who invited you?”
“Shinichi Ozawa did,” she replied. “Why? Is something wrong?”
“Well, no…” Sora said, tilting her head a little. “But, this is a college party. Does Shinichi know that you’re not a college student yet?”
Mimi began to think. “I went to your campus one time, and that’s when he invited me.”
“What were you doing on our campus?” Yamato asked.
“I wanted to surprise you all,” she answered, grinning at him. “But then I asked if you three were coming to the party. He said he wasn’t sure but I wanted to take my chances and surprise you here instead! Isn’t this fun?” Though she sounded unsure when she said the last part.
Yamato sighed. “I don’t think asking you to leave is an option, especially since you’ll be alone—even with Palmon.”
“So what do we do?” Taichi asked.
Sora licked her upper lip. “Babysit.”
Mimi’s eyes widened. “No!”
“Mimi, we don’t know these people. We don’t know these people. Please, stick with at least one of us. We’ll make it up to you, we promise. Just please, Mimi?” Sora pouted.
Mimi looked at all three of them but focused on Sora last. After a few seconds, Mimi sighed. “Okay. I don’t want to admit it but I am a little nervous about this.” She frowned. “Especially since I wasn’t even sure if you guys would be here.”
The three older Chosen Children sighed in relief.
Just then, the group that group the three were talking to appeared and asked what was happening.
“This is Mimi,” Sora introduced. “She’s one of our closest friends.”
“Really?” One of the guys asked. “I’ve never seen you around campus. What course are you in?”
“She’s from another university,” Yamato said quickly.
“May I visit you there?” the same guy asked, his voice a little flirty.
Yamato was suddenly feeling very protective of the younger girl. He did not like the thought of an older stranger visiting her. “Not at the moment,” he said.
“Why don’t you let her answer for herself?” the guy snapped.
Mimi smiled. “Yamato’s just always been protective of us. I don’t mind him answering for me…sometimes.” She giggled.
Yamato knew she was lying so he wondered why she was playing along.
The party was in even fuller swing about forty-five minutes later. Although the three knew Mimi was not too happy with the situation, they also saw that she was having a good time.
At the stroke of twelve, Sora ordered everyone out of the house after thanking Shinichi for the invite. As they headed for the car, the four digimons arrived by their side.
“Yamato, would you take the car and bring Mimi home?” Sora asked.
“Sure,” Yamato answered. “But what about you guys?”
Taichi intertwined his and Sora’s fingers and smiled.
“Got it.”
Mimi squealed. “You two have fun!”
“Agumon, Piyomon?” Palmon looked at them.
“We’ll protect them,” Piyomon said. “But we won’t ruin their moment.”
When everything was set, Yamato, Mimi, Gabumon, and Palmon entered the car. They were quiet for a while until Palmon asked Gabumon how Takeru and Hikari were.
“They’re still very shy,” Gabumon replied. “But that’s expected, right, Yamato?”
“Either very shy or very guarded,” he said with a laugh. “Taichi is still all over them.”
“And you’re not?” Mimi asked, smiling.
Yamato smirked. “Takeru can handle himself. Even if this is his first relationship.”
“Everyone knows Takeru and Hikari would be endgame,” Mimi said with a giggle.
“And Taichi and Sora, too,” Gabumon added.
“Yamato, didn’t Sora have a crush on you before? Mimi said that she gave you something special for Christmas one time. What happened?”
“Palmon!” Mimi chided.
Yamato sighed. “I’ve only told Taichi what happened.”
“I’m sorry,” Palmon said, bowing her head. “I was just very curious now that the topic came up.”
“I knew that Taichi had feelings for her, and I couldn’t do that to him, especially since I only ever felt feelings of friendship for Sora.”
“And Sora gradually had feelings for Taichi, too. And he didn’t even have to try too hard despite having strong feelings, correct?” Mimi grinned as Yamato nodded. “It just means they’re meant to be!”
The four talked more about their friend’s love lives. Mimi’s home was a little on the farther side so they had a lot of time to gossip.
Finally, Mimi had a mischievous look on her face. “What about you, Yamato?”
Yamato smirked. “What about you, Mimi?”
“Don’t turn this in my direction. I asked first.”
“If there’s nothing to say then it only makes sense the question goes back to you.”
“Oh please, someone like you is bound to have someone in mind.”
“There’s no one, Mimi. And again, what about you? If I remember correctly, you’ve always been a hopeless romantic.”
“I still am,” she admitted. “But my goal is different now. I want to play Cupid.”
“Don’t force it though.”
“I know the limits. Now c’mon, Yamato. Answer me.”
“There’s no one, Mimi.”
“Do I have to play Cupid?”
“If it’s with you then I don’t mind.” A smirk on his face.
“I’m serious!”
“Oh look, we’re here.”
Mimi looked up and sighed when she saw the building she lived in. “Okay, fine. But you owe me an answer, Ishida.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He rolled his eyes, but a smirk appeared on his face. “It’s time to go, Tachikawa. It’s getting late. Too late.”
“Will you bring the car back to Sora’s?”
“Yes. And then Gabumon and I will walk home.”
Mimi smiled. “Okay. Thanks for the ride.” She turned to the back seat as Palmon went down. “Goodnight, Gabumon.”
Yamato raised an eyebrow.
“I’ll say goodnight to you if you give me an answer.”
“The gas is running,” Yamato said, looking at the meter. “Goodnight, Mimi. Goodnight, Palmon.”
“Goodnight, Yamato,” Palmon said with a wave.
Mimi chuckled. “Okay. Goodnight, Yamato. Goodnight again, Gabumon.”
“Goodnight, Mimi. Goodnight, Palmon,” Gabumon said.
Yamato looked at her and smiled. “G’night.”
Mimi smiled once again and closed the door.
Once Yamato saw that the two had gone inside the building safely, he drove away.
“Yamato,” Gabumon said.
“Yeah?”
“You were flirting with Mimi, weren’t you?”
Yamato choked. “Flirting? Me? I wouldn’t say so.”
“You were.”
“I was not.”
“You even said—.”
“Gabumon,” Yamato said in a warning tone. This only made his digimon laugh. “Gabumon!”
“You won’t admit it, but you were!”
Yamato sighed. “You’re not letting this go, are you?” Gabumon shook his head. “Just don’t mention it to anyone. And no, I was not flirting.”
#mimato#digimon#digimon adventure#digimon adventure 02#digimon adventure zero two#mimi tachikawa#yamato ishida#yamato x mimi#mimi x yamato#matt ishida#matt x mimi#mimi x matt#yamato ishida x mimi tachikawa#mimi tachikawa x yamato ishida#matt ishida x mimi tachikawa#mimi tachikawa x matt ishida#post: fandom#f: digimon#ch: yamato ishida#ch: mimi tachikawa#gabumon#palmon#post: dynamic#dy: mimato#ch: gabumon#ch: palmon#post: eve writes#post: eve writes digimon#post: eve wrtes anime
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I think she understood his anxieties, you can hear in her songs over the years and I think just from what we know of her as a person... I think she got tired of waiting for him to do something and decide what he wanted in his life... And you can say that him not deciding has to do with his anxieties, but I think she understood him and just waited as long as she could...
sorry I didn't answer early.. I had this answer in my mind but I was(am) to0 tired.
precaution : it's gonna be long and there will be out of this particular topic disclosure because idk why a box inside was opened by this
so.. while I get people when they say she waited too long (bit skeptical) we can't blame anyone (this is making me cry wow parasocial much?) and:
they both of mental issues as we know . god knows what was their position in times. normal people without any issues (almost everyone has issues cause 'perfect' is just not a thing) can't commit easily , famous people with issues having a hard time is really normal. commitment is big. it's not just a piece of paper (imo)
I can't blame joe at all here. cause look at the position he was in. his career kickstarted and he was with her. something very unsimilar with her other exes.
so, he doesn't have a career close to the people that debuted with him / close to the time he did i.e liz debici (they won a chopard together ) . he doesn't have enough press (lmfao billy lynn had the record for most press(if not collectively) with him until recently ), nominations and stability what so far judging that he is a decent actor (you can disagree for sure but he IS a decent actor objectively (even when miscast) )
I understand he doesn't want fame and hoards of money doesn't mean he doesn't want a stable career ( while tay's is 740 million a year! that's a load even after paying for everyone and everything! (idk why I pointed this out) )(acting is not a stable career choice it self but I bet he wants to have some kind of stability before at least marriage) AND he has to calculate his every word and action since the beginning .
this is gonna sound mean but do you think tay's position screams suitable for marriage and babies?
I'm sorry but she is the position (was before the tour too!) where she literally is on top of the world ! ( yeah I wrote this after the people's article so I'm angry) to get married now and gain a load of attention FOR IT, is sure to be overwhelming for an actor like joe who grew up pretty normal. posh , but normal. I'm sorry but she hasn't step down at all! (not her fault but.. not his either)
considering everything I just pointed out lame excuses (this is gonna get ugly so buck up)
what about her picking fights? (when you are in love, you fight but don't pick them?! ) for example afterglow, false god. she even said she knows it's her fault but wants HIM to apologize first. (i'm a person who used to always apologize first and boy, at a point you don't care and distance yourself from those who keep making ya do that (that's how my rtl with my 8 year long bestie ended, fucking exhausting I tell ya) )
ALSO when SHE broke HIS heart first! sorry but my man is human!
ok , fuck all I said . even judging by ylm , I'm assuming with pressure to work on his career or not he couldn't read her mind cause surprise! he is human! they just needed to talk about where they were or what she actually wanted but clearly she didn't understand that.
also about letting go. do you really think a woman who is still writing songs about jm (something that happened 13 years ago) AND INDICATING ENOUGH THAT IT'S ABOUT HIM KNOWING WHAT HER FANS ARE LIKE , going as far to dress up like she was in the vma's literally a decade ago and announcing her new album on the bday of some guy's ex wife (who every one is done dragging for the last 3 years) on mtv music awards is letting go? that thing icked me soo hard . what is growing up is confusing to me since midnights announce. she needs to stop these little clues to diss people that are perfectly fine with their lives and don't care at all! it just shows she loves dragging things and can't let go or be cool about it after soo many years!(nothing else!) and worst part is she makes it obvious that it's about them. now it has come to the point where it is just a stupid topic for everyone to make fun of. her pain surrounding jm and kanye has been dragged for soo long by none other than her and her fans that either people just roll their eyes and move on or it's just a joke atp!!!!!!!!!!!!
tl;dr : I just made 7 points of why joe might have not proposed to her and was stressing about doing so.
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Perfectly Broken
Pairing: Wylan van Eck x Jesper Fahey
Summary: Jesper Fahey doesn't believe in soulmates.
Wylan van Eck doesn't think he'll ever find the person whose laughter he hears in his head, who'll accept him the way he is.
But once they meet, their beliefs seem to be crumbling.
or
When Kaz needs Wylan's musical talent to get back from Pekka Rollins what is rightfully theirs, he gives him a new home a family right along with it.
Word count: 14.999
Warning/Tags: fluff, mutual pining, found family, head injury, singing, musical reference, dyslexic Wylan van Eck, both of them need a hug, background Helnik, idiots in love, Matthias calling Wylan "little lamb"
A/N: Decided to post this properly to Tumblr as well, but you can also read it on AO3 of course. The song Perfectly Broken by Banners gave the title, it's definitely worth checking out. It's my first time writing for this fandom, and I wrote this while being home sick, but it wouldn't leave my head. please keep in mind that English isn't my first language 💚
Read on AO3
Jesper didn’t believe in soulmates. Technically, he knew that there was supposed to be one person out there for him, but he wasn’t so sure whether he’d ever meet that person or hear their laughter like everyone else did. It wasn’t the same for everyone. Some people heard their soulmate’s laughter in their early teens, some in their late twenties. He’d also heard of people who’d never heard that, who’d never met their soulmate - or had lost it way too early. Jesper had never heard anyone’s laughter in his head so far, but lately, there had been some sort of humming. A tune that he didn’t know, and he had to admit that it distracted him, made him get lost a little in some sort of dream. In fact, it took him back to wonderful memories, let him follow them down the rabbit hole a little time and time again, because it made him happy, made him feel so much all at once, that it was almost overwhelming. But when the humming was gone, he was immediately pulled back to reality, where he was met with two curious eyes, boring almost into his soul.
“Again Jesper?” Inej raised a questioning eyebrow looking him over. He was lucky they were in the Crow Club enjoying a drink together, because otherwise, this could have been dangerous. Of course, he knew that, and he didn’t even want to zone out like that, but it just happened, and since the humming appeared more often, he knew that he had to do something about it.
“Maybe it is your soulmate, and you’re just communicating differently.”
“Yeah. Sure.” Jesper couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. Maybe, Inej was projecting a little on him, hoping for him to find his soulmate like this, because she hadn’t heard any laughter yet as well. Jesper on the other hand knew for a fact who’d heard her laughter. He could see it in Kaz's eyes whenever Inej laughed, and he just wanted to lock them in a room until they figured this out. Until Inej realised that Kaz was really her soulmate and until Kaz allowed himself to show how he felt. He knew that it wasn’t that easy, in fact, it was rather complicated, but Inej was looking for something she already had right in front of her, and who knew when she’d realise it.
“Or you have some kind of disease. But I think I prefer my initial suspicion.” She turned her glass between her fingers and shrugged her shoulders. Oh, Inej was pretty sure that she was right, that Jesper and his soulmate were just communicating differently, but if he didn’t want to believe that or investigate it even, she’d try to leave him alone - as long as he didn’t zone out on a job and got them in danger like that.
“Thought about that as well.” It did scare him a little, that this might be the case, but he was good at pushing stuff like that away from himself, and so he did the same right now, threw back another shot before he got up. Inej’s questioning look made him speak up again: “I have to pick up something for Kaz. I’ll see you in a bit.”
The wind was cold, but Wylan was hungry, and so he wasn’t behind closed doors in an abandoned house where he’d made himself some sort of home, but instead outside on the streets, playing the flute to maybe get a bit of money together so he could afford a warm meal. He hadn’t had a proper meal in days, just bits and pieces to keep him going. Making music in the streets didn’t earn him much, but sometimes, there was at least something that came out of it. If only he had a piano or keyboard, then he could do something more, but that cost money as well, and he didn’t have that, so the flute would have to do. He stuffed his jacket beneath him so he didn’t have to sit on the cold floor. That also meant that his upper body was a bit cold, but he’d manage, he always did somehow. No matter how cold it was here, it was better than being home with his so-called family, who were happier with him gone.
There were a few people who threw some money into the little box he had in front of him, probably because they felt bad for him. Honestly, he didn’t care why they did it, as long as he got some food out of it in the end. He’d played songs people knew all the time, but when it was dying down, less people walking by, he chose to play some of his own music, even got a bit lost in it, until he heard someone’s footsteps coming closer rather quickly. His eyes opened again and he stopped playing, his heart beating rapidly in his chest, because he always had to be ready to run with people being after him. His father’s people specifically.
“Hey! You!”
That was it. Wylan grabbed the money and his jacket and ran, didn’t wait a moment longer, fear being his catalyst and making him run even faster.
“Please stop!”
He heard the voice not far behind him, but since he knew this part of town so well, he found the nearest nook to almost vanish from sight. The darkness helped conceal his figure, now he just had to control his breathing to now be detected. His eyes darted out into the dimly lit alley, and he could see the person who’d called and run after him, dressed in rather flashy clothes, a top hat on his head. His heart jumped in his chest, though he couldn’t really say why. Was it fear or something else?
Jesper turned and looked around, but there was nobody to be seen. People don’t just vanish into thin air, so he had to be here somewhere. His heart was beating rapidly against his ribs, because that melody had sounded so familiar. It didn’t have to mean anything, he just wanted to ask the person where he knew that melody from, so maybe he could finally figure out why he was hearing that melody hummed inside his head. He kept looking for another five minutes or so, but didn’t find anyone, and though he wasn’t prone to giving up, he realised that it didn’t make sense to keep walking around in the cold when he couldn’t find anyone. Especially when Kaz was waiting for his delivery.
“Wylan.”
The well-known voice made him jump, because it was so unexpected, especially here in the darkness. He’d slipped back into his… well, his home of choice, because he couldn’t afford anything, and this was giving him at least a little shelter, and hardly anyone knew that he was here. Kaz did, though, because he’d worked for him a couple of times, desperate to have something to eat, some money. He’d never thought he’d do something criminal, but hunger made you do things you never thought possible.
“Kaz. What are you doing here?” Wylan licked his lips, put down his backpack and let the flute vanish into his pocket, before he reached for the small lamp to turn it on. The electricity was working in here, but he couldn’t turn on all the lights, because that would make people out there suspicious and investigate why there were lights on in an abandoned building.
“I have a business proposal for you.”
“I told you, I’m not feeling good about that.” But desperation had driven him to work for Kaz Brekker, but after finding out that someone had been hurt with his product, his conscience had kicked his behind a little. Yes, it had been someone who’d deserved far more than to break his hand, but it had still not sat right with him.
“It’s not that. I need your musical expertise. You need to create a diversion for us.” Kaz leaned a bit forward onto his cane, letting his eyes wander over Wylan’s body until his eyes cae to rest on his face.
“I- I don’t think I’ll be a good distraction with my flute.”
“I’m not talking about the flute.”
“But-”
“Wylan, don’t forget that I know you.” Kaz knew pretty much everything, knew about his heritage, knew why he’d run from home, why he was staying here, and so he also knew about his skills. “I need you on the piano.”
“I don’t…” He shook his head slightly, not sure whether this was a good idea or not, whether he was doing the right thing with that.
“You’ll get a room at the Crow Club, a warm bed, food.” Kaz took a step towards him, giving him another once over. “Some more food, because you do need your strength. We’re just taking back what’s rightfully ours, nothing more.” This time at least, but since Pekka Rollins had stolen from them, they deserved all that back.
It sounded way too tempting, and with temperatures dropping, did Wylan really have a choice? Not if he wanted to survive. He’d been freezing the night before already, and he knew that it would get worse. And a warm bed and food sounded way too good to say no.
“I might be a bit rusty, though.” Wylan looked up at Kaz who was taking another measured step towards him. Kaz knew that Wylan wasn’t rusty at all, that he was just saying that because he wasn’t sure whether it was a good idea or not.
“You can practise at the club. The nights will get colder.”
“Alright.” It was all the convincing he needed apparently. “Just need to pack up my stuff.”
“Take whatever you need right now, and I’ll send someone to get everything else, especially the chemicals.” They might come in handy at one point, because as much as he needed Wylan on the piano for the next job, he might need his other talents in the future.
“Just tell them to be careful then.” Big eyes looked up at Kaz, because Wylan really didn’t want anything to happen to anyone while they handled these bottles and everything else.
Kaz nodded and waited for Wylan to pack whatever he needed, before he left the building with him, taking him to what was hopefully becoming his new home. But even if it was just temporary or for the winter, Wylan would be grateful, because it meant surviving, it meant some food and a safe spot to rest his head.
“You!” Jesper almost gasped when he opened the door to bring some food to the new guy. Kaz had brought him in through the back door and shuffled him upstairs so that nobody saw Wylan, and then he’d sent Jesper to take some stuff upstairs, some food, water, towels, whatever Wylan needed to settle in. Kaz may look and act like he had a heart of stone and only cared about money, but in fact, he took really good care of the people around him, though he might not always show it that openly. Jesper knew him long and well enough though, knew that the new guy wasn’t just someone they needed, but also someone Kaz wanted around, though he didn’t know what it was about him.
Wylan scooted back from the door, away from Jesper a little bit, startled by his tone of voice and his appearance - though Jesper had had the decency to knock before he’d entered the room. Wylan recognised him straight away, the guy from the alley that he’d run away from. Well, he couldn’t have known that he was with Kaz, but even if he had known that, he would have probably run for his life.
“Why did you run?” The question he was most curious about. Or the second most curious about, but he was so flustered, which wasn’t normal for Jesper, that he had to ask that first as he put down the plate and water, handed the towels to Wylan, waiting for him to take them.
“I…” He licked his dry lips as he took the towels, having that same feeling he’d had in the alley earlier when looking at the other one, his pulse quickening and his stomach doing this weird thing he rather didn’t want to think about. Big eyes looked back up at Jesper as he spoke. “I didn’t know who you were or what you wanted so it was safer to run and hide.”
Jesper’s brows rose on his forehead and he pressed his lips together. Fair enough, he thought. You could never be careful enough. And someone looking like Wylan was an easy target. Though, if he put his mind to it, he could probably learn to flirt his way out of every situation with those plush lips and big eyes surrounded by lashes that were so long that every woman would get jealous. Jesper could at least see himself falling under Wylan’s spell easily, and he didn’t even have to do anything for that to happen. Instead of following down that road, he straightened a little again and crossed his arms, completely forgetting what else he’d wanted to ask Wylan.
“Alright. Eat up and you can take a bath next door. Get some sleep as well and Kaz wants us all to talk tomorrow when we’ve all had some rest.” He’d put it that way, but Jesper knew that he had mainly been talking about Wylan, and he could see why. Some food, a bath and a good night’s sleep would probably work wonders for him.
“Thank you…?” Wylan looked up at him expectantly, since he hadn’t caught his name yet, and since they would be working together, it was probably good to find that out.
“Oh. Jesper.”
“I’m Wylan.”
“I know.” Jesper gave him a lopsided grin before he bowed a little, sent him a wink. “Get some rest, Wylan.”
Wylan caught himself staring at the closed door for a moment longer, trying to figure out what was going on inside him. Oh, deep down he knew what it was, thought that his voice sounded familiar in a way, but he didn’t allow himself to believe in this. So, instead he turned to his food and filled his stomach before he took a much needed bath.
The bathroom was small and dimly lit, and yet, Wylan relaxed for the first time since leaving his home when he settled in the hot water. Finally, he felt his bones warm up as well, the muffled sounds from outside showing him that he wasn’t alone, but that it wasn’t that kind of noise that made you stand on edge, because someone might come after him any moment now. Weirdly enough, he felt safe here, knowing instinctively that not only Kaz but the others as well would look out for him. His fingertips trailed over the surface of the steaming water, his wet hair pushed back from his face, as he began singing quietly. “When I look into your eyes, I free myself of all my lies. Bare to you my soul and bone, knowing I have found my-”
“Home.” Jesper mumbled this one word, staring straight ahead, everything else around him drowned out completely. All the noises from the club, the people around him. Slowly his eyes found Inej’s again, who looked at him a little lost.
“What are you on about?”
“Did someone just sing in here?”
“No? There isn’t anyone singing here, so what - oh my God, it’s not just humming anymore, is it?” The triumphant smile on her lips almost made Jesper roll his eyes and leave her sitting there all by herself. But by now, he realised or at least allowed himself to believe that she was onto something here. That he wasn’t sick, but that it really had something to do with this whole soulmate thing. And the voice sounded familiar, but still different in a way, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.
“Same melody, but with lyrics this time. It’s… I feel like I know that voice.” And he had no idea just where he’d heard that voice before. Maybe because he hadn’t heard that person sing yet.
“This is Wylan,” Kaz introduced him the following day to the rest of the group. “He’ll help us get what Pekka Rollins stole from us back.” Wylan still didn’t know what it was, nor did he really want to know, because when it came to Kaz Brekker, it could be pretty much anything.
“And how is that supposed to work? How do you know he’s not working for Pekka?” It was Jesper who spoke up, who crossed his arms over his chest and cast a quick glance at Wylan, who immediately avoided eye contact. Not because he didn’t want to look at Jesper or because he had a guilty conscience, but because of the things Jesper made him feel. He had his suspicions why it was like that, but he pushed it away. It was understandable that they were weary of him. Wylan had felt the same way when he’d encountered Jesper the day before.
“Because Wylan has helped us before.” Kaz leaned on his cane and fixed Jesper with his gaze. “He’s an expert with chemicals.”
Now, a lot of things were falling into place for Jesper. He trusted Kaz, more than anyone else except for Inej maybe, but there were certain things Kaz didn’t talk about. Wylan was certainly one of those things, so it was no wonder Jesper hadn’t heard of him before, but at least he’d been able to see his work - that had now and then really saved their asses.
“So, what’s the plan?” Inej looked up at Kaz, curious as well since he hadn’t told anyone what he had thought about, what he wanted them to do.
“Pekka Rollins is having a talent show, drawing in big names and all that, and that’s where Wylan comes in. I’ll register him and support him, be the face Pekka sees. Of course, he’ll get suspicious, but more of me than of what might be going on in the background. Wylan will certainly distract them with his playing and his singing.”
“Singing?” Wylan piqued up, eyes wide in surprise. They hadn’t talked about this, Kaz had only mentioned him playing piano, but of course he knew. How could Wylan have thought that he wouldn’t know that as well?
“Didn’t I mention that?” Of course he hadn’t, because he’d needed to lure Wylan in, and now that he was here, Kaz thought it easier to persuade him. “We need that kind of distraction and your voice on top of the piano will render them all speechless.” At least, Kaz was sure that it would work out this way. Wylan on the other hand wasn’t so sure. Yes, he’d played the flute and sung in the streets, and there had been the occasional appearances in the shopping mall where he’d used the piano that was standing there, and it had brought in some money for him. But he’d never actually played and sung in front of an audience that would pay that much attention and judge what he was doing on stage. Well, he’d never been on a proper stage as well, but Kaz believed that he could do that. Being here among the others, having a proper bed and some food to fill his stomach were things that he didn’t want to give up. At least not without trying.
“And you think Pekka will let you register?” Jesper raised a questioning eyebrow, trying to push his curiosity aside that Wylan was apparently able to play the piano and sing as well. I intrigued him to no ende, he had to admit, but right now, he had to focus on the plan.
“He already did. It’s already done, but of course he questioned me about it.” Kaz pulled up one of the chairs and sat down, leaning back a little. “I know he’ll be watching me, and I want Wylan to practise here, maybe even get word out to Pekka, so he’ll focus on that, on us, so that you-” He looked at the other four in the room, including Nina and Matthias that he needed for this little project or job whatever you wanted to call it “-can get back what is rightfully ours. Inej will fill you in on everything.” So that Kaz could retreat with Wylan and be seen with him as well, setting the perfect distraction for Rollins.
They went their separate ways, the other four to talk strategy, to be filled in by Inej, while Kaz took Wylan with him to sit him in front of a piano.
“Have you thought about what to play yet?”
“I’m not sure.” Wylan got comfortable on the piano bench, the room empty except for the two of them, making Wylan feel a little more at ease. There was so much happening all at once, and he was always doubting himself, now wasn’t an exception, but Kaz apparently believed in him, and that at least lifted his spirits a little.
“Look.” Kaz took a step towards him, lay his arm on the piano, his gloved fingers stroking slowly over the wooden surface. “I know that you can do it. Of course you could choose a cover song, but your own song would definitely work better.”
Wylan’s heart started beating against his ribs at that. Yes, he’d played a part of that before, had played and hummed the melody hundreds of times, had even sung it last night when he’d been alone, but he wasn’t sure whether he could sing that in front of other people who were properly listening to him.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that, if I’m good enough.”
“You’re much better than you think you are, you just have to believe in yourself. I certainly do.”
Kaz didn’t wait for a reaction or some kind of answer, he simply turned around and left Wylan alone to practise and make up his mind. Kaz had high hopes that Wylan would decide to play his own music instead of something someone else had written. There was nothing wrong with that, and Wylan’s voice sounded beautiful, almost ethereal no matter what, but something that he’d come up with himself carried way more meaning and feeling, and that was what would wow the audiences. Maybe it was a bit about winning that contest for Kaz as well, to show Pekka Rollins that he could beat him there as well.
Wylan set to work and practised on the piano. He had to admit that it felt incredibly good to be sitting on a piano again, properly this time and not just for a few moments. It was warm here, he had everything he needed, and he didn’t need to worry about anyone shooing him away from the instrument because he didn’t deserve to play, no matter how good he was. And he was good, better than good actually, because he’d learned a lot from his mother. He wasn’t as rusty as he’d led Kaz to believe, it had just been a way to weave himself out of that situation, because he’d been unsure whether it was a good idea or not. In the end, having a place to stay and some food, people that he could feel safe around, was definitely worth making music. After all, he loved it, because it was a part of him that still connected him with his mother. Music conveyed so much, so many emotions, so many thoughts and feelings that you wanted to show others, wanted to make them feel.
This time, he didn’t hum along or sing, just concentrated on playing, but something distracted him, slowed down his playing. Laughter. Clear and bright in his head, and the most beautiful sound. He’d heard it before, a couple of times, for months now, but this time, it suddenly stopped in time with the door to the room opening. And Wylan knew why it had stopped: Because he could hear it in person now. His heart leapt in his chest when he saw just who was laughing while walking next to Inej into the room. Jesper Fahey. Deep down, Wylan had probably known it the moment he’d laid eyes on Jesper, at least deep down, as if he had been drawn to the other one. Yes, Jesper was an attractive man, there was no doubt about this, but it was so much more. It was about the way he carried himself, that lopsided smile, and the way he seemed to look right into Wylan’s soul when he looked at him, hsi eyes lingering longer than was probably appropriate.
He was catapulted back to reality when the laughter died down and he found himself faced with two pairs of curious eyes. Wylan’s cheeks turned a deep shade of pink, as if they both knew what he’d been thinking about, which was ridiculous, but he somehow felt like a deer caught in the headlights of a car, unable to move.
“Sorry, Wylan, we really didn’t want to stop you from playing.” Inej was the one to speak, while Jesper’s eyes seemed to be glued to Wylan, on his expressive face, the blushed cheeks that he wanted to touch so badly right now. Jesper had no idea where this was coming from, but he couldn’t deny that Wylan fascinated and captivated him in a way nobody else had done so far. Sure, he’d had his fun with quite a few people, beautiful people at that, but Wylan still had a different kind of effect on him.
“It’s okay. Really. I was done with the piece anyway.” A lie, and not a good one, but he was still trying to calm his racing heart, his fingers slightly shaky from the realisation that it was Jesper’s laughter he’d been hearing all this time.
“Oh,” Jesper managed to say, usually so talkative, but right now a bit lost for words, and it was all due to Wylan. “We were kind of hoping to hear you play.”
“Just a little bit?” Inej sent him a hopeful smile, tilting her head to the side, trying to persuade him. Wylan looked between the two, and since he was someone who always wanted to make others smile, give them what they wanted, he caved. Well, maybe playing would give him a bit of distraction. But he wouldn’t play just what he’d played before, instead he would opt for something his mother had taught him.
“Alright. Let’s see if I can still get that together. It’s a piece my mother taught me.” He pushed his locks back from his forehead and rubbed his hands together before he laid his fingers on the piano keys. After taking another deep breath, Wylan started to play. He easily got lost in the music, managed to play it from the get go. Not that anyone would probably notice straight away if he made a mistake, but he would know and it would bother him.
Mesmerised didn’t even begin to describe how Jesper felt. His eyes were drawn to Wylan, first to his hands and then to his concentrated face, that still looked completely at ease in this situation. His eyes closed every now and then, feeling the music, and Jesper… Jesper felt something slot into place inside him. He didn’t know what it was exactly - or rather didn’t want to think about what it was in the end. What he wasn’t prepared for was the impact Wylan had on him when their eyes met at the end of the song. The last notes were hanging in the air, their eyes locked on each other, and everything inside Jesper ached to get closer to Wylan, take his hands and pull him close. It was scary in a way, but wonderful at the same time to feel like this. It was unlike anything he’d ever felt before, and it had everything to do with the man playing piano right in front of them.
“That was-” Inej started, but Jesper interrupted.
“Beautiful.” His eyes were still lingering on Wylan until he shook his head just slightly, pulling himself back together. “You’re really gonna blow them away, especially if you do sing as well.” Not that Jesper had heard him sing yet, but if Kaz was as right about his singing as he was about his playing, Wylan would leave them all speechless. Maybe, Jesper would get the chance to hear him sing before that evening.
“Thank you.” Wylan blushed again at the praise, turning his head a little to the side to hide that and the smile appearing on his lips. He needed a moment before he got up from the bench. “I should probably… get something to eat.” Because it was necessary, because he was hungry, and because it was there right in front of him more or less. He wasn’t wolfing down food, he ate normally, just maybe a bit more often than usual, because his body was still craving the food. But he was always very considerate, getting a snack here and there, and right now, it was a good excuse to get out of this situation, give himself a moment to progress what he’d just realised, no matter that he’d kind of felt it before already.
“You should. And thank you for that little demonstration.” Inej smiled at him, still in awe of his talent, but also curious about something else, since she’d never seen Jesper like this.
“You’re welcome.” He bowed with a little, honest smile, before leaving the room, finally able to breathe properly again, but his heart was still beating rapidly in his chest.
When Jesper wanted to follow Wylan out of the room, Inej caught his wrist in her hand and stopped him.
“Oh you like him!” she whispered, not wanting anyone to overhear, but she couldn’t stop herself from saying this.
“Well…” Jesper stopped in his tracks, licked his suddenly dry lips, but didn’t look at his friend. “Let’s say, I’m intrigued by him.”
“Oh, so it’s deeper than just liking him.” She’d seen Jesper when he’d liked someone, when he’d wanted someone for himself, but this… this was different. The soft expression on his face when he’d watched Wylan hadn’t been lost on her. Still, she didn’t want him to feel pushed into a corner, because then his fight or flight mode might kick in, and she didn’t want that to happen. “But I have to admit, he is rather intriguing. Especially when you see him on the piano and know now what he can do with chemicals.”
“Oh yes.” And that was the most fascinating part, the duality of him, this soft, sweet person that played the piano and put people under his spell like this, and the other one that mixed chemicals and helped them steal and get away with it. Yes, Jesper was intrigued, fascinated even, and something else he didn’t want to say out loud.
Throughout the days, they met up, talked, shared food, and Wylan fit in better and better, felt more at home than he had done in his own home since losing his mother. It wasn’t about the place, but about the people he was with. Nina always made sure that he was eating enough, and since she’d snuck in to listen to him play the piano and Wylan had caught her, he kept asking her to join him. At one point. Matthias joined as well, and he was also the one going with him when he needed something. Nobody knew what Pekka would do to get Kaz and Wylan out of his contest, so it was better to be safe than sorry. Wylan had to admit that he really liked having Matthias around, and not just because he felt safe with him around, but also because they had some wonderful conversations. Even to the others, Matthias had said: “Don’t worry, I’ll protect this little lamb.” At first, Wylan hadn’t known what to think of that, but by now, he really liked being called that by Matthias, because it showed that he cared. Something that Wylan still had to get used to a little bit.
They were enjoying dinner, swapping stories, and there it was again, that heart-warming laughter that made his heart skip a beat or two. He’d heard it a couple of times in his head again, but hearing it in person was something else entirely, sent a shiver down his back and made him feel all warm and fuzzy. Jesper had a hold on him without even realising it, and it was probably better this way. Maybe it was just one-sided anyway? Who knew, because he’d heard about people thinking they had found their soulmate, but that person found someone else in the end, or never heard any laughter at all.
What eventually drove that feeling home was that there was no discernible reaction from Jesper when someone made Wylan laugh. Well, it was more of a giggle, but definitely loud enough for everyone to hear - and they hadn’t heard Wylan like that before. Yes, Jesper looked his way, but just like everyone else. Wylan’s giggle died down, and his eyes met Jesper’s, who was wearing a soft smile on his lips. He quickly cast his eyes down, taking a deep breath, before he excused himself to get some fresh air. The wine was getting a bit to his head - at least that was a good excuse for him to really head outside.
Wylan stepped to the side and leaned against the wall of the building taking a few deep breaths. His head was spinning a little due to the mix of alcohol in his system and the cool air hitting his skin and filling his lungs. Was he maybe getting a bit too comfortable here? Would all this be over once he’d done his part in Kaz’s plan?
“Everything alright?” Wylan’s eyes opened again when he heard the - by now - familiar voice, that smooth tone that made the hairs on his arms stand up and his heart give a hard pang against his ribs. Jesper put up the collar of his coat and stepped closer, rubbing his hands together against the cold. Seeing him like that, Wylan realised that he had forgotten to take his jacket with him. Maybe, because it was still up in his room, since he hadn’t needed it today so far.
“Yes, just needed some fresh air.” Wylan pushed himself off the wall again to stand a little taller, but he’d never be as tall as Jesper. Though, admittedly, he definitely liked looking up at him a little. He wouldn’t tell Jesper that he was part of the reason he had needed to get outside.
“But you’re not feeling dizzy or anything?” Jesper was a little worried about him, he had to admit. Wylan hadn’t had that much to drink, but he still wanted to make sure that he was alright. In addition, it gave them a moment alone, and Jesper the chance to study him without anyone watching them, since he couldn’t get enough of seeing that slight flush on Wylan’s cheeks. It was probably due to the alcohol and the cold air as well, but it looked way too good on him, made him want to deepen that colour, just like he’d done before when he’d heard him play the piano together with Inej.
“No need to worry about me, honestly.” He looked up at Jesper through thick, black lashes, before he had to chuckle a little. “Are you worried someone will snatch me away while I’m out here alone?”
“Maybe.” Jesper’s eyes drifted to Wylan’s lips, then back up to these intense eyes. “Would be a shame if I couldn’t look at that pretty face anymore.”
Wylan did this thing when he blushed, where he tilted his head, turned it to the side to try and hide his pretty face a little bit, and it was adorable. It also made Jesper want to grab his chin and turn his face back towards him so that he could kiss him senseless. And that was what he did - at least the first part. Gentle fingers reached for his chin to turn Wylan to face him, but he got distracted by the shiver that went through Wylan’s body, making him forget what he’d wanted to do because he started worrying about him again. Wylan’s eyes widened a little as Jesper’s hand fell away from him.
“Here, you must be freezing.” He shucked out of his coat to hand it to Wylan, who immediately shook his head, raised his hands to push the coat back at Jesper. “I insist.”
“But what about you?”
“Oh don’t worry about me, I’m naturally hot-blooded.” Jesper winked at him, followed it up with a little laugh. Carefully, he wrapped his coat around Wylan’s shoulders, putting up the collar and pulling him a bit closer like that.
“Thank you.” His voice was barely more than a whisper, his heart beating so fast in his chest, that he could hear the blood rushing in his head. Jesper’s scent was intoxicating, the way their breaths mingled in the cold air making him feel a little light-headed, and when he looked up, his eyes lingered on Jesper’s lips for a moment longer than was probably appropriate. But when he cast his eyes further upwards, he was rather sure that Jesper had looked at his lips as well.
“You’re welcome.” Jesper’s fingers lingered a moment longer on the collar of his coat, before he cleared his throat and took a step back from Wylan. It was safer that way, because as much as he wanted to kiss him stupid, feel those soft lips beneath his own, he knew that it probably wasn’t a wise choice to do that. He may be a gambler, but he knew that this job was important, and he didn’t want to risk anything. Not when he couldn’t be sure whether Wylan wanted this as well or not. Not when Jesper was usually a guy for just one night, but Wylan… well, he definitely deserved more than just that.
“Are you coming back inside or do you want to freeze your asses off?” Nina called over to them, stopping in her tracks when she saw how close they stood together. Oh, she’d interrupted something there, she was sure of it. Especially when she saw Wylan’s flushed cheeks and the way he quickly averted his gaze.
“Yes, on our way.” Wylan called back to her and straightened a little more, setting into motion towards the door, only to realise Jesper wasn’t following him. So, he turned back around to look at him. “Jesper?”
“Gimme another minute.” He pushed his hands into his jeans pockets and took a deep breath. When Wylan started to shrug out of his coat, he quickly stopped him. “Keep it. It looks way too good on you.” It may have been a bit too big on him, but he still liked seeing it on Wylan, and he’d realised that the jacket Wylan wore wouldn’t keep him warm when it got even colder. In addition, seeing Wylan wear something that belonged to him… it definitely had a certain effect on him, made the word mine appear in his head, even though he had no right to think or feel like this. Still, it was there.
“I can’t possibly accept that.” His eyes widened, his chest tightened while his heart beat rapidly against his ribs. Wylan wasn’t used to this, to people being nice to him, to being taken care of like this. Getting gifted something like this was in fact a little overwhelming for him.
“Yes you can. I have a few more like that, and you’ll need it when it gets even colder. And you can wear it on the big evening.” Not that Jesper had anything to say against Wylan’s clothes, he was especially a fan of those suspenders he sometimes wore, but he knew that Pekka Rollins would have an eye on Wylan, and that meant they had to plan the perfect outfit for the contest.
“That’s…” awfully sweet. Wylan shook his head just slightly, the smile returning to his lips as he looked up at Jesper again. “Thank you.”
Jesper watched him go back into the building, cuddling into the coat he was wearing. Where it had hit Jesper around the back of his knees, it hit Wylan around mid-calf. Wylan had him in a chokehold without even trying, he realised that, but honestly? He didn’t really mind, because Wylan was endlessly fascinating to him, and he couldn’t wait to peel away layer after layer and find out what else there was to know about him.
Jesper needed another fifteen minutes until he came back inside. For the rest of the evening, his eyes wandered to Wylan time and time again, watched and listened to him talk and laugh - and he felt something warm spread inside him. Wylan fit in so well with the rest of them, and Jesper found himself hoping that Wylan would stay once they were finished with the contest, with their job.
Meanwhile, Nina kept an eye on both of them, to make sure that her suspicions were correct, that she wasn’t just seeing things. And she wasn’t disappointed, could see each of them stealing glances at one another. She’d known Jesper for a while now, had seen him flirt a lot of people into a corner. People he’d had his fun with, but the way he looked at Wylan was completely different. So utterly soft, she’d never seen him like that. As for Wylan, he’d quickly occupied a place in her heart. So Nina took it upon her to take a tipsy Wylan up the stairs and to his room once they all decided to head to bed. She kissed Matthias and told him she’d join him in a moment, but that she wanted to make sure Wylan got up okay. He wasn’t drunk, just tipsy, and he would have been able to do that by himself, but she wanted to have a moment with him.
“You got your water right here, love, so I think you’ll be alright for the night.” She fluffed up the pillow for him and sat down on the chair opposite his bed. The room wasn’t big, but it was cosy, and tidy. Wylan was slowly shrugging out of the coat Jesper had given him, folding it neatly so that he could lay it down. He’d take extra care of this piece of clothing, because it was something special for him.
“Thanks, Nina.” He rubbed his palms over his eyes, before running his fingers through his hair, leaving it a bit dishevelled. Slowly, he settled down on his bed, towing off his boots, for once not caring where they ended up, because he was getting more and more tired, the wine doing its part as well.
“It was a great evening, wasn’t it?” She kept her eyes on him, a soft smile on her lips, when Wylan slowly stretched out on the bed.
“It was. Wonderful. But…”
“But what?” Nina leaned forward a little, an amused smile on her lips as she kept watching him. She was rather sure that she knew what was on his mind.
“Nothing…”
“It’s Jesper, isn’t it?”
Wylan sat up so fast his head started spinning, so he had to lay down again, closing his eyes against the slight dizziness.
“I’m sorry, I interrupted that moment between you two. I had no idea.” But she’d seen the way they’d looked at each other, had seen the longing in Wylan’s eyes.
“Nothing happened. And it probably won’t anyway. I mean…” A soft sigh escaped his lips as he turned onto the side so he could look at Nina. If he could talk to anyone about this, it was her. “I heard his laughter, and when I first saw him, there was this feeling, I can’t even describe.” Underneath the fear that Jesper had been looking for him to kill him, there had been this warm fuzzy feeling inside him, a feeling of utter happiness, just like he’d had as a child when he’d heard the most wonderful melodies from his mother. A feeling of home that had only intensified the more he’d talked to Jesper. “But he doesn’t hear mine.”
“How do you know?”
“There isn’t the slightest recognition in his eyes when he hears me laugh.”
“Maybe it takes a little more time for him?” It could be after all. “And even if it’s not the case, you’re not bound by this, you know?”
“How was it for you?” Wylan hadn’t asked her so far, but he was curious, and if he was being honest, he could use a bit of a distraction from his own thoughts and feelings.
“Oh, we hated each other’s guts.” Nina couldn’t hold back a laugh at the memory, considering how they were acting now, how much love she felt for Matthias. “Kaz brought us together for a job, and we really didn’t like each other at first, but had to pretend to do so. And it was a constant fight over who was right, what the other was doing wrong, I was too vulgar, he was too stuck up.” She shook her head, a fond smile on her lips. “Then we got kinda stranded in a motel, about a year ago, and it was fucking cold, let me tell you. The heater didn’t work and Matthias let me have the bed and the blankets and said he’d sleep on the couch. In the middle of the night, I kinda pulled him into bed with me, because I didn’t want to tell Kaz that he froze to death because we couldn’t share a bed.” She still remembered how much she’d needed to persuade him, and in the end, he reluctantly stripped off his clothes - since body heat was the best way to keep each other warm, skin on skin contact doing a lot for them. “When we woke up, we were toasty warm and had our arms wrapped around each other. I made a stupid joke and he laughed. I joined right in with him, and I guess we both realised that we didn’t only hear the other one’s laugh in that moment, but had heard it before, and could feel it in our bodies as well. It was… strange and wonderful at the same time.” It was hard to describe, really, but she had a feeling Wylan knew exactly what she was talking about, at least judging by the smile that greased his lips right now. “We spent the whole day talking, only got up to get some food into our room. Been inseparable since.”
“That sounds wonderful, Nina. And I can see how much you mean to each other.”
“But it also shows that it’s not always easy right from the start, so don’t give up hope, alright? Promise me that. Jesper might still hear it at one point and realise it then.”
“I’ll try my best.” Because what else was there to do than hope that it would turn out alright? Especially with the tension between them that he’d felt earlier that still had his whole body buzzing a little, and made it difficult for Wylan to fall asleep straight away. But when he did fall asleep, he had a happy smile on his lips.
The next time Jesper caught Wylan alone, was when he was working with his chemicals. While Kaz had gotten him on the team to make music and serve as distraction, Wylan still had his chemicals in a special spot, in the building next to the Crow Club, where he could work and had his peace and quiet. Because they might need his help in that regard as well, and because he knew that Wylan did this to take his mind off things as well.
“Anybody here?” Jesper called ahead, knowing full well that Wylan was here, but making himself known so he wouldn’t get scared. Because that was one thing he’d noticed, that Wylan got frightened easily, and he knew that it was partly due to living on the streets, but he had a feeling, there was a bit more to it.
“Jesper?” Wylan looked up from the bottle in front of him and stepped back from the table. He took off the gloves, before pushing his hair from his eyes. “What are you doing here?”
“Kaz sent me to check up on you, see if you needed anything.” A lie. Kaz hadn’t done anything of the like, but Jesper knew that Wylan was here, that he could finally have a moment alone with him again. He couldn’t say just what he thought might happen, what he was hoping for, he just wanted to spend time with him without having to watch what he said or did, because someone else was around.
“I’m alright, I think I have everything I need.” Slowly, he nodded his head, looking up at Jesper, who came to a stop on the other side of the table. He saw the curious eyes flitting over the bottles, and when Jesper reached out his hand, Wylan quickly captured it with his own. “Better not touch… anything. Just to be safe.” His eyes were glued to their joined hands, to the way Jesper turned his hand so that he could hold Wylan’s in his own. His first instinct was to pull his hand back, but he didn’t. Couldn’t do it. Not when it felt so right and he felt the tingles move from his fingertips up to his elbow and further up until they spread through his whole body. How could something feel so good, so right, when they were not meant for each other? Maybe, Nina was right, and it took a bit longer for Jesper to hear him. Maybe not. But right now, he couldn’t bring himself to pull away.
“Are you worried I might break something?”Jesper tilted his head a little, an amused little smile on his lips that hopefully didn’t give away how nervous he felt all of a sudden, how quick and hard his heart was beating inside his chest, because Wylan’s hand in his felt so incredibly right.
“I’m more worried that you might hurt yourself.”
“Oh, so you’re worried about me, hm?” Jesper pulled him a little closer by his hand, stroked his thumb over his wrist.
“Something like that.” Wylan carefully pulled his hand back and busied himself with arranging the bottles he’d just worked with, putting little stickers with pictures and musical notes on them to arrange them.
Jesper’s hand felt suddenly so cold when Wylan’s was gone, and he couldn’t hide the slight disappointment, though he had to say that it was probably for the best. After all, Wylan needed both hands to handle the bottles, right?
“You have a unique way of labelling your bottles. I kinda like that.”
“Easier for me, and it keeps people’s hands off them, since they don’t know what’s in them.”
“Fair enough.” Jesper smiled to himself, because that really came in handy. It was actually really clever of Wylan. He seemed to know an awful lot about a lot of things, and he was rather sure that he hadn’t learned to play the piano like that out on the streets. “Can I ask you… how did you end up on the streets?” His voice was soft, genuinely curious, not judging him at all, but he really wanted to know more about him.
Wylan stiffened slightly, his eyes glued to the bottles in front of him as he wet his lips with his tongue. He’d thought that the others might have known already, but apparently, Kaz had kept that to himself. Wylan knew, though, that if he wanted to stay here, he had to open up at one point, tell them his story.
“The short version is that I ran away from home.”
“And the long version? The details?” Because Wylan didn’t strike him as someone who just ran away from home because something wasn’t going the way he wanted it to.
“You mean the one where my father is embarrassed of me and doesn’t want me in the public eye, so he tried to get me killed?” Wylan only cast a quick glance at Jesper, before looking down again.
“What?” Disbelieving, Jesper looked him up and down, before he slowly started walking around the table. He wanted, needed to be closer to Wylan. “Why would he be embarrassed of you?” It didn’t make sense to him, not at all, because Wylan was so talented, so wonderful altogether that he couldn’t see why his father was thinking that way.
Wylan took a deep breath, grabbed the edge of the table to have something to hold onto. It wasn’t an easy topic for him, but he also knew that it didn’t make sense to keep it secret, especially because it would come out eventually.
“My father is Jan van Eck.” Slowly, he looked up, could see the recognition in Jesper’s eyes. It was a well-known name, a name associated with money, so that Wylan had run away from that was something nobody understood who didn’t know the whole story. “And he needs an heir to present to the public, someone who’s not dumb like me.”
“Wylan, you are anything but dumb.” Jesper couldn’t believe what he was hearing, stepped up to him and carefully put his hands on Wylan’s upper arms.
“Jesper, I can’t even read!” It came out louder than he’d wanted to, and it took everything in him to not turn around and bolt. It wouldn’t do any good, because he’d still have to face Jesper later on, so he could just stay here and face him, see the pity, the disgust in his eyes.
“Oh.” Nothing more came over his lips in the first moment, as Jesper tried to process what Wylan had just let him know. It didn’t really make sense at first, but then he realised the way Wylan had labelled his bottles, that he’d never written anything down except for musical notes. It didn’t change what kind of person he was, though, still endlessly fascinating for Jesper, with a warm and open heart. “That doesn’t make you dumb, Wylan.” He raised his right hand from Wylan’s upper arm, cupped his cheek to make him look up at him. “That doesn’t change who you are as a person and what you are capable of, alright. It doesn’t define you.” Just like his gambling addiction didn’t define him, didn’t make him a bad person.
“He thinks so, though.” For once, Wylan didn’t pull back and instead tilted his head a little into Jesper’s touch.
“Well, then he’s a goddamn idiot.” Jesper rolled his eyes, rubbed his thumb gently over Wylan’s cheek, enjoying the warmth that spread through his hand and along his arm. He grinned down at Wylan for a moment, before his expression softened again. “Is that… why he tried to get you killed?”
“Yeah.” Wylan bit his bottom lip, cast his eyes downward for a moment, before looking back up at Jesper, taken aback by the soft look, the slight worry in his eyes. “He tried to do that at home, and he sent people after me to get rid of me.”
“That explains even more why you were so scared and ran away when we met for the first time.” That time when Jesper had followed the melody Wylan had played, that had lured him in at that moment. Jesper only took his hand off Wylan’s cheek to pull him into his arms, wrapping them around his body to hold him close, even if just for a moment. “You’re safe with us, you know that, right? Crows watch out for each other.”
“Mhm,” Wylan mumbled against his chest, closing his eyes as his own arms wrapped loosely around Jesper. He knew that, felt it whenever he was around them, but Jesper elicited even more than that feeling of safety inside him. Right now, he gave in to the wish to be close to him, allowed himself to believe that he could have more of this, but he also knew that it was just a momentary state.That Jesper was comforting him, nothing more.
“Wylan.” Kaz’s voice rang through the room, making both of them almost jump apart. Their eyes locked for a moment and Jesper was surprised by the shy smile on his own lips, while Wylan looked once again like he’d been caught stealing. It was adorable really.
“Jesper, what are you doing here?” Kaz walked up to them, either ignoring what he’d just seen or he hadn’t seen it at all.
“I was just making sure Wylan had everything he needed. Checking if he needed some food or anything, boss.” Jesper took another step back to make room for Kaz.
“Inej is looking for you. Go through the plan with her once more, and then we’ll talk strategy tonight. It’s only two more days.”
“Right, boss.” He craned his neck to get another look at Wylan, smiling at him. “Tell me if you need anything.”
“Will do.” Though Wylan was rather sure that it was cleverer to stay away from Jesper or at least not be alone with him, because it was getting increasingly difficult to not just kiss him whenever he got close.
It was the evening before the contest, before they would set their plan into motion, and everyone was doing the last bits and pieces so that they were all set to get going. Jesper knew what his job was, knew what he had to do, but there was something or rather someone else on his mind that made him a little restless.
“He’s practising.” Inej shot him a look, before she returned her attention to her knives, putting them in order before she cleaned them once more.
“Hm?” Playing dumb, he looked at her, his heart skipping a beat at being caught like that.
“Oh you know who I’m talking about.” She rolled her eyes, took the first knife in hand. “Kaz will be gone a little longer. Take some water with you when you go to Wylan.”
While he wanted to protest, he knew that it didn’t make sense. Inej knew him better than anyone, had realised first that Wylan had caught Jesper’s interest, and she could completely understand why. So, instead of telling lies, he walked over to her to place a kiss on her head, before he grabbed some water and headed towards the room where Wylan was playing the piano. He’d caught glimpses of the music he made, had listened to the song his mother had taught him, and he’d felt like he’d been caught in some kind of spell. This time, though, it was a bit different.
When he neared the room, he could hear the music filtering into the hallway. At first, he thought it was just a pretty melody, but then he felt like he recognised it. His feet slowed when he got closer to the door, his heart already beating faster in his chest, as the realisation began to set in. He heard that angelic voice in his head, but also through the door. Maybe, Jesper had known it all along deep down, had been hoping for this, even though he didn’t believe in soulmates, but with Wylan, there was something between them, and that certainly explained why. Very carefully, because he didn’t want to startle Wylan, to make him stop playing, he opened the door. He needn’t have worried, because Wylan was so immersed in his music, in singing, that he would have probably not realised the whole crew stumbling into the room. Jesper felt his heart beat against his ribs, as if it wanted to break out of there and run right over to Wylan. His voice was so crisp and clear, soothing at the same time. It was the most beautiful sound Jesper had ever heard, a sound that filled him with joy, and a beat that made his heart follow it, only to end up right in Wylan’s hands. And Wylan didn’t even know about it, what kind of power his voice held over him.
“Knowing I have found… my home.” Wylan’s voice dropped at the end, while Jesper mouthed the line right along, knowing the lyrics, because he’d heard them before. In his head. But this, hearing it in person and with the melody that had been haunting him for weeks, months even, was something else. He’d never believed in soulmates, hadn’t wanted to believe in something like that, thinking that it made him vulnerable.
“Beautiful,” Jesper heard himself say out loud as he stepped up to the piano, not able to stay this far away from Wylan anymore right now. Wylan on the other hand, jumped a little, because he really hadn’t heard him come in. Eyes wide in mild shock, he looked at Jesper, turned a little on the piano bench. God, his hair always looked a little dishevelled, inviting Jesper to run his fingers through it, but right now, he knew that any sudden or unexpected movement would probably make Wylan scoot further away from him.
“I didn’t hear you come in. Need anything?” He felt vulnerable, not sure just how much Jesper had heard, because he might have inspired some of the lyrics in the song, and Wylan wasn’t ready to reveal that to him. But Jesper had a way of getting him to talk, like he’d proven in his little laboratory if he could call it that, and so Wylan knew that Jesper would probably get that out of him.
“No, just wanted to see if you were doing alright.” Placing the bottle of water next to the piano, Jesper gestured for Wylan to scoot over a little bit, and he followed. Slowly, he sat down on the bench next to Wylan, their thighs touching due to the limited room, and he felt Wylan’s warmth seep into his own skin, setting his heart aflutter. “You gonna play this song tomorrow?”
“That’s the plan.” Wylan kept his eyes on the piano keys, biting his bottom lip.
“I think it’s a wonderful choice.” Jesper raised his left hand, letting his ringed fingers slowly stroke over the white keys, pressing one down, then the next. He didn’t know how to play, but he would gladly watch Wylan do so, maybe even learn a bit from him so they could play together. “Kaz is right, your voice will blow them away.” Jesper cast a glance at Wylan, could see the corners of his mouth slowly turn up into a smile. “I’ve heard that melody before.”
“I played that on the flute when you saw me in that alley.”
“Yeah, it caught my attention, and I just had to follow that melody, see where it came from.” He pressed another piano key down, realised that Wylan’s hands joined his, and he started playing the melody quietly again. “But I heard it even before then. And then I heard it again and again.” he wanted Wylan to know, wanted to tell him, but it was difficult for him to say something like this out loud. In fact, telling him I think you’re my soulmate sounded really strange to him, and how could he be sure that it was the same for Wylan? Jesper had laughed often and loudly even with Wylan in the room, and there had never been any sort of recognition on his side as far as he could tell. Breaching the subject carefully, slowly, sounded better to him.
“What do you mean?” Wylan couldn’t really follow. Sure, Jesper might have heard the melody before that first kind of meeting, but afterwards… he’d played it a couple of times here, yes, but as far as he knew Jesper hadn’t listened to him play. Nina and Matthias, yes, but not Jesper. Except if he’d heard the piano in the hallway.
“I-”
“Jesper! I’m so sorry.” Inej burst into the room, knowing that she was maybe interrupting something here, that Jesper wanted to have this time with Wylan, but this couldn’t wait. “I would really like to give you some more time here, but there’s a change to our plan tomorrow, and we need to discuss that now. Kaz just got back.”
Perfect timing.
“Do you need me to come as well?” Wylan looked a little frazzled, but Inej’s smile soothed that a bit, made him settle back down.
“No, you can just keep playing. Nothing’s gonna change for you.”
“Alright.” Jesper heaved a sigh as he got up from the bench, giving Wylan’s hand a soft squeeze in parting, because he just couldn’t resist doing that. “Talk later?”
“Yes.” Wylan managed to smile up at him, his heart and his head still spinning a little bit, trying to make sense out of Jesper’s words, but not really successful at doing so.
But later never came. At least not like that. Of course, they all sat together, talked, enjoyed their food, and laughed together, but there was no chance for them to talk alone and pick up their conversation again. They exchanged glances, a lot of them, but when it got late, Kaz sent them all to bed, as if they were children that needed to be reminded when their bed-time was. As for Wylan, he really wanted him to get enough sleep and get ready for his performance the next day. He could have sworn that Kaz was standing guard in front of his door so that nobody disturbed his sleep. Still, even with nobody knocking on his door, Wylan needed some time to fall asleep, mulling the conversation he’d had with Jesper over and over in his head.
The day had finally come and everybody knew what their jobs were. They only managed to have a quick breakfast together before everybody had to go their way, which left Wylan with Kaz. They went over the plan once more, Kaz listened to him play and sing, and Wylan could have sworn that he saw something akin to a smile on his lips when he finished the song. It was probably because Kaz was so sure of his plan working out. Once this was done, he sent Wylan to get changed. It was a mix of his own clothes - the suspenders for example were Wylan’s, as was the white shirt that had gotten a good wash - and something Kaz had gotten for him, like the new shoes and the bowtie. Jesper’s coat that now belonged to Wylan completed the look when they left the building.
“You’re gonna do great, Wylan. You have to believe in yourself a little more.” Kaz didn’t look at him when they stepped up to Rollins’ club later on, but he knew that he meant what he was saying. And he was right, Wylan really needed to believe in himself when he wanted to make this work. He’d been working on that, but what had really helped build his confidence, had been the people around him. Matthias who watched out for him and made sure that nothing happened to him, Nina who always took care that he ate enough, who listened to him talk, and told him the most wonderful stories. Inej who had looked at him in awe the first time she’d heard him play. Kaz who’d taken him under his wing, and who’d put him in this contest confident enough that Wylan could win against anyone who was competing. And then Jesper. Jesper who made his heart beat faster, his stomach do one somersault after the other with merely existing. They all treated him like one of them, like he belonged into their little found family. He had to do this, had to win this for them.
“Brekker, you really think you have a chance?” Pekka Rollins sneered, looking from Kaz to Wylan and back. If it weren’t for Kaz, Wylan would feel intimidated, but Kaz stood like a shield between them.
“I wouldn’t be here if I weren’t sure of that, Rollins.” Kaz leaned forward onto his cane, getting into Rollins’ space for a moment, before he pulled back again.
“I know you’re onto something.”
“If you find out what that is, let me know. I’m just here to win your little contest and annoy the hell out of you with that.” It was definitely enough to rile Pekka Rollins up, he knew that, but he also knew that he would keep an eye out for everyone else on Kaz's team.
Wylan didn’t understand what Rollins was mumbling into his beard, and it was probably better this way. He needed to concentrate on the contest - and on not getting intimidated by the sheer size of the crowd.
“You’ll do fine, don’t worry.” Kaz seemed to sense what was going through Wylan’s mind, or maybe he picked up on his slightly fidgety hands. Whatever it was, it managed to soothe Wylan a little bit.
Kaz seemed to be completely at ease here, ignoring Pekka Rollins’ eyes that darted to him again and again. He only took a look at his watch every now and then, applauded the contestants, until it was time for them to head behind the stage to get Wylan ready. Kaz took the coat off him and looked him over once more.
“Show them what you’re made of.” Kaz nodded at him, before he sent him onto the stage.
Wylan’s heart was beating so fast, he thought everyone would hear it, that it might just hop out of his body and run away. But that was something he wouldn’t do in person. Not when everyone was counting on him to do his part. And so, he settled down on the piano, closed his eyes for a moment and thought of the people he was doing that for. Slowly, but surely, a smile appeared on his lips. A smile that widened when his thoughts stopped on Jesper. On the way he looked at him, the way his hands felt against his skin. And so, with that in mind, thinking of Jesper, he started playing.
He played his heart out, the lyrics all the more meaningful because he was thinking about the one person who made the place he was in now a home for him. Everyone had done their part in this, had made him feel welcome, but it was Jesper who had an effect on him that he couldn’t put into words. It felt like an eternity and a fraction of a second at the same time until he was finished. The last notes died down and Wylan opened his eyes to look at the crowd, and all of a sudden, he realised that they were clapping, getting up from their seats, yelling his praise. It was overwhelming, and yet, someone was missing to celebrate this. He knew that this was just their cover, but it still felt like a huge accomplishment for him, that he wanted to share with the others.
“How are you feeling?” Kaz asked him when he stepped down from the stage and they could go back to their table.
“I… feel like my whole body is buzzing.” Wylan couldn’t stop smiling as he sat down.
“I’m really proud of you.” And those were the last words Kaz said to him, making him beam. It filled his heart with joy that he felt that way, that he had played his part well. In the end, it didn’t matter whether Wylan would win or not, because the others were hopefully successful as well.
Still, Kaz and him had to stay until the end of the contest, until they called out the winner, and Wylan tried not to get antsy. He had only been the man in the background now and then, not part of the actual plan, so he had no idea whether they communicated in between or not. Kaz on the other hand seemed to be as cool as always, but that could just be facade. Wylan couldn’t know, and so they sat and waited - until Wylan was called up as the winner of the contest.
He needed a moment to realise that it was really his name being called, and Kaz had to nudge him with his cane to get him to stand up. A little shaky on his legs, he walked up to the stage to accept his prize, give a little thank you, because he wasn’t able to do or say more, and then the party was on. Just the right time for Kaz and him to get away, right? Wylan made his way down the stage and over to Kaz again, offering him the envelope with the money.
“This is yours, Wylan. Keep it.”
“But you-”
“No, it’s all yours. You did the work and won with your song.”
“Kaz.”
Both of them turned, a little surprised and at the same time alarmed when they saw Inej. The look on her face was rather telling.
“What’s going on?” Kaz looked her over, seeing no injuries on her, he allowed himself to breathe. Wylan on the other hand felt his stomach drop.
“We did it, don’t worry.” But deep down, she knew that it wasn’t the job he was worried about. It was what she wasn’t telling him straight away.
“Let’s get out.” Kaz lead the way, watching out the Pekka didn’t catch a glimpse of them, because he knew that he would let someone follow them, and Kaz really didn’t want or need that to happen.
“Speak,” Kaz said as soon as they were far away from the club, already on their way to the Crow Club, to their home.
“It’s Jesper. He fell and hit his head.” Inej cast a quick glance at Wylan before looking at Kaz again. Wylan’s heart sank, his throat felt like someone was squishing it together, making it hard for him to breath, but he had to keep up with them.
“How is he doing?”
“He’ll be fine, that’s what the doc said.” Before Kaz could reprimand her, she added: “No, we didn’t take him to the hospital. He’s got a bump on his head and needs some rest, and his wrist is hurt.”
“So, no major injuries. He’ll be fine.”
“Yes.” Inej looked at Wylan once more, hanging back behind Kaz so she could take Wylan’s hand, squeeze it in encouragement. “He really will be fine, okay? Some rest will do the trick, he just needs someone to watch over him, so that he doesn’t get up if there is no need.”
“Okay. I’ll do that.” Wylan didn’t even have to think about it. He wouldn’t be able to sit still or sleep at all anyway, so he’d much rather stay with Jesper, watching out for him.
When they got there, Wylan realised that he hadn’t been in Jesper’s room before. Jesper had been in his at the very beginning, but apart from that not at all. Wylan cast a look around, the bottle of water in his right hand. There were clothes strewn around, but it didn’t look messy like that, instead, that made the room all the more cosier. It showed that someone was living here who had a thing for nice clothes, who had maybe a bit too many clothes to fit into the closet. Wylan had to smile to himself as he approached the bed and pulled up a chair so he could sit down.
“Hey,” Jesper said as he opened his eyes, needing a moment to focus on Wylan, his voice a little gruff, because he’d just woken up.
“Hey… go back to sleep. You need it.” Wylan put the bottle down and scooted a bit closer to the bed. When Jesper reached for his hand, Wylan’s eyes widened a little, but he didn’t pull back. Apparently, he needed that kind of contact as well to be sure that Jesper was okay. That it was only a small injury that would heal in no time.
“Don’t wanna sleep. Not when I can talk to you instead.” There it was, that winning smile that Wylan loved to see on him, that always managed to elicit that fluttering feeling inside him.
“And here I was told that you need to rest.”
“I can rest later.” He pulled Wylan a bit closer by his hand, still smiling up at him as he placed Wylan’s hand on his chest, right above his heart, covering it with his own hand to keep it there.
“What happened?” Wylan asked quietly, feeling the warmth from Jesper’s chest seep into his hand, feeling his heart beat rapidly, just like his own. It felt like they were beating in sync.
“Well… I got a little distracted. Things like that happen.” Jesper squeezed his hand, not wanting to think about it, or tell him outright just why he got distracted, though he had a feeling that it would come out one way or another. “I heard you sing. You sounded even more beautiful than yesterday.”
“That’s… thank you.” Wylan cast his eyes down, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks, when something hit him and he looked back up at Jesper. “Wait, how could you hear me? You weren’t anywhere near.” It didn’t make sense, not at all.
“That’s what I was trying to tell you yesterday.” Jesper slowly tried to sit up, but Wylan was quick to push him back into the pillows. Jesper seized that moment to pull him into the bed, so that he could sit there. Normally, Wylan would protest, get up again, but with Jesper, he couldn’t, didn’t even want to, because being close to him like this soothed something deep inside him.
“What?” he asked quietly, his thumb beginning to stroke over his chest, the hand still caught against it by Jesper.
“I hear you sing even when you’re not in the same room. It started months ago, but it was only humming, that same melody over and over again. And then I heard your voice, but only those two lines.” Jesper pressed his lips together, looking down at their joined hands on his chest. Wylan had to feel how quick and hard his heart was beating for him, but he didn’t care. In fact, he wanted him to know. “Yesterday, it finally clicked and I realised that it was you all along. That I heard you. I didn’t hear your laughter, but something equally beautiful.” Slowly he raised Wylan’s hand to his lips to press a soft kiss to his palm.
Wylan’s heart skipped a few beats at the realisation. He’d been hoping for this, for Jesper being that person for him, that it wasn’t just one-sided. Now, it made sense that there hadn’t been any recognition on Jesper’s face when he’d heard Wylan laugh. It seemed to be different for him. While Wylan had heard his laughter, Jesper had heard his singing, something equally personal, especially with the lyrics being about him by now.
“Can you please… say something? I’m really not good with silences.”
“I heard you, too. Your laughter.” Wylan eventually looked up and into Jesper’s eyes. “I just didn’t think you’d heard me in any way, so… I was scared to say anything.” He shook his head a little, still a little dazed that this was really happening, that there was a reason why Jesper hadn’t reacted to his laughter. “But you… your laughter really got me through some terrible days and nights.” Not only because he’d heard it now and then, but more because he’d been able to remember it, think of it and realise that there was someone out there. Someone who would probably love him for who he was, not judge him for the things he couldn’t do. With Jesper, he already knew that he didn’t judge him, that he was looking past these imperfections.
“And I will make sure that you won’t have any of these horrible days and nights anymore or at least sit through them with you.” Because he knew that some nights could be terrible no matter where you were, so he would sit by Wylan’s side, hold him in his arms, and do whatever he needed. He wouldn’t let him go anymore, that was for sure.
“Will you just-” he started, but couldn’t finish the sentence because of the most wonderful of reasons: Wylan’s lips finally on his own. Jesper felt like his heart would explode, and it was the same for Wylan in that moment, whose gentle fingers stroked over Jesper’s cheek, while the other one was still on his chest. Meanwhile Jesper managed to pull him close and half on top of him, needing him as close as possible right now.
“You think that’s wise?” Wylan whispered against his lips, trying to push himself up a little bit so that his weight wasn’t completely on Jesper. He was still hurt after all.
“Mhm.. very wise.” Jesper kissed him again, held him close as he let go of the hand against his chest and pushed his fingers into the soft strands of Wylan’s hair - something he’d been dying to do ever since laying eyes on him. A soft moan landed in the kiss, opening up Wylan’s lips so Jesper could softly lick into his mouth, wrapping his arm around him a little tighter.
Wylan’s head was spinning, it was the most wonderful feeling, and he couldn’t keep his hands to himself, let his fingertips trail over Jesper’s cheek, his neck, down to his chest, the little patch of skin left bare where his shirt was unbuttoned. It still felt a bit surreal, but the way Jesper held onto him, held him tight against his own body, made it clear that this was really happening and not something he’d conjured up.
When their lips parted, neither of them could stop smiling. As much as they enjoyed this, they both knew that they needed some rest, Jesper even more so than Wylan, and since he was here to watch out for Jesper, make sure that he got said rest, he pulled back a bit more, earning him a grunt from Jesper, who immediately tried to pull him back.
“I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry. But you need some sleep.”
“Boring.” Jesper sank back into the pillows and gave a sigh.
“Tell you what, I’ll lie down with you and we can both get some sleep, okay?”
“That does sound rather tempting.” Now, Jesper really did pull him back, kept his arm wrapped around him as Wylan cuddled up to his side, placed his hand on Jesper’s sternum. “Maybe, you could sing something to me? Just for me this time?”
Wylan lifted his head to look at him, a fond smile on his lips, as his heart beat a little faster again. “Of course.”
Jesper turned his head to the side to kiss his forehead, realising how tired he really was, how much his head hurt, now that they were both getting comfortable like this. Now that he had the man who’d captured his heart by his side. And when Wylan began to sing quietly for him, he knew that he’d arrived. He hadn’t known that he’d still been on some kind of journey, but now, here in his room, with Wylan by his side, he was finally, finally home.
Jesper Fahey may not have believed in soulmates a couple of weeks ago, but Wylan had shown him just how wrong he’d been.
#wesper#wesper fic#wylan van eck#jesper fahey#jesper x wylan#wylan x jesper#six of crows fanfic#shadow and bone#staffi writes#wesper fanfiction#wesper fluff#six of crows#wylan van sunshine#grishaverse fic#wesper fanfic#six of crows fic
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So, I started university right before the pandemic hit, and demolished all my (barely existent) plans. I'm already almost 23 and more than halfway through a major I picked kind of on a whim based on what I thought I was good at, and tbh I still hate it. And I have no idea what career it would even lead to. I want to get more into music production or maybe even being an artist or something like that, but it's overwhelming and difficult at the same time... I think I love music, I love listening to it, and growing up I loved the energy of performing in bands and choirs and stuff more than anything, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm good at it, and I'm not a computer or instrument expert either... I feel so lacking in pretty much all of the various talents/skills... I know practice makes better, but it's so hard to persist when you feel so far behind, and it's hard not to feel discouraged completely when there's always someone newer, younger, and already so much better...
Babe, you are 22. You have.. SO much life ahead of you.
I know that doesn’t seem like anything to go off of right now, but I cannot express enough how excited I am for you because 22 is a wonderful age to start things. You have time to mess up, time to figure things out, time to really try a bunch of shit and get a grasp on what direction you wanna go for.
Don’t let society or other people tell you you’re too old to start something or too late to try something else. Who cares if there are people younger and better than you at something? Who cares if you don’t have a skill set right now? That’s gonna happen. As soon as you recognize that as a fact instead of a barrier for you to overcome, your mindset is gonna shift to “okay, what can i personally do to improve and get better? what do i myself need to do to get where i wanna be?”
Honestly.. this ask feels like something younger me is writing. Because I compared myself to countless people when I was in my early twenties and lmfaoooooo you know what? That dark place of “thinking I wasn’t gonna do great so why try” has only left me with regrets. You have a choice to make and if you really want what you want, go for it and don’t stop.
If I had actually took music production seriously and kept making shitty beats on FL Studio in my dorm room and didn’t give a shit about people telling me it’s not worth it to pursue? Who knows, I could’ve had a studio by now. I could’ve been on the Big Hit production team. I could’ve been working with Metro Boomin or any world-class producers.
Do those goals seem hilarious? Yes. But they also probably could’ve come true if I worked hard enough. But I’ll never know. Because I didn’t keep going when I did. Because I hit that wall of seeing how much I didn’t know about music and production and everything that goes into it, and I got discouraged and dropped it to focus on other things that were safer, more likely to keep me afloat. Don’t be like me if this is something you really do want.
We can do this together, really. Because I’m going for shit now too because that passion itself hasn’t gone away. I am asking people for advice when I need it. I’m networking with musicians and producers and mixing engineers and managers. I’m figuring out what I need to do and where I need to look for educational pieces and putting in the work that I was too discouraged to put in before. All while trying to tell myself it’s okay that I’m where I am at 30. Do this with me. It’s only gonna help you.
Bottom line: if you wanna do something, do it. So what if people are better than you? So what if you don’t have the skills or knowledge right now? Stay disciplined and do the work. Don’t half ass it and don’t think it’s gonna be something you do on the side. Treat it like it’s your life, and practice the hell out of whatever it is. If you end up thinking “this isn’t what I want,” then at least you know for sure and you can pick something else up. But if you keep that passion, hard work and effort will bring you great things.
And you’re gonna look back at this ten years from now and laugh because you’ll realize 22 isn’t far into life at all.
#anon#*advice#apologies if this was so long#i just have a lot to say about this stuff#life doesn’t end at 25#it really does start at 30#and this is coming from someone#that was sure they weren’t gonna amount to anything at all#mailbox💌
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Royono/Blood red song headcanon’s
Aka Roman X Youngblood X Noise
This ship has me in a chokehold so here we are
Let’s not lie to ourselves here, all 3 of them are absolute dumbasses (before anyone even attempts to say Youngblood isn’t a dumbass, while I agree he has the most brain cells of the group I’d like to remind you all that he was also stood talking to a door for 15-20 minutes before seeing there’s a door handle.) (Also if anyone tries to tell me Noise isn’t an absolute thembo, respectfully you’re wrong😂 He is the embodiment of a dumb smart person and would roast the shit out of Roman for doing something dumb but would then immediately go and do something just as stupid). Now because they’re a group of himbos, it took them a while to get together. As they all started to develop feelings, Roman didn’t wanna say anything because he could tell that Youngblood and Noise have a whole history that he didn’t wanna get in the way of. Meanwhile Noise saw how close Youngblood and Roman had become and didn’t wanna get in the way of that or complicate an already complicated situation. In the end Youngblood confessed first after getting over his whole “dear god why did I have to fall for those idiots?!” Thing😂
Roman and Youngblood introduce Noise to Reston. Needless to say, Noise was a bit overwhelmed at first as he’s typically not great with new people. Him and Youngblood did almost get into a fight with Fast Timmy on the first day which Roman had to stop. However, the village did end up liking them. Noise specifically formed a really good friendship with Samuel, something that absolutely horrified Youngblood. When having a meal with the family, Aunt Patty (not very subtly) kept whispering to Roman about how much she loves his partners and Roman just smiles and agrees
Ryker was very wary when they started dating. He had no issues with Roman being gay or polyamorous. The exact opposite really, he was extremely supportive. His issue came from Youngblood and Noise both being bards. It was especially tricky for him to accept Noise as he’d at least talked to Youngblood somewhat and gathered that he’s a decent person. He also trusted him slightly more because he’d run from the bard collage. Noise however is a different situation as they’re literally first chair and have a complex history when it comes to Roman. He’s also got reason to be a bit wary of Youngblood again since Youngblood used to be first chair and has hurt Noise before, both via the fire incident and by leaving. But over time Ryker begins to warm to them both and trusts that neither of them are going to hurt Roman. The 2 of them also help Ryker work on some of his bias when it comes to bards.
Dice Rollingstone/Mike Ro’phone has been simping for Noise since they first saw him perform and does flirt with Noise at every given opportunity. Noise is just tried and doesn’t really care because he’s not interested and nothings going to happen so whatever. Meanwhile Youngblood and Roman be like “I swear I’m gonna beat his ass for flirting with our partner!” “Damn, that was kinda sweet” “Roman!” “I mean how dare they!” Dice/Mike knows not to take it too far tho. They’re not a total asshole after all. A lot of the flirting is more like “in another life my love😘” while Noise is like “what? Ok…?”
Noise and Youngblood sing together a lot and teach Roman more about music. Roman sometimes joins in with their singing as well. Noise and Youngblood will also write songs for the others and have collaborated on songs for Roman which they perform for him.
When Noise is having a bad dysphoria day, Roman will initiate a cuddle puddle that Noise pretends to hate but secretly loves
Noise is very short and hides it by wearing his boots. Youngblood absolutely (affectionately) bullies him for this and Roman tries to make it better but always inevitably makes it way worse😂
Youngblood and Noise always have to wake Roman up in the morning because they’re both early risers and Roman would sleep in till the afternoon if he could. But if they’re gonna be going on missions, that’s not exactly gonna work.
If anyone dares insult one of the people in the polycule, the other two can and will absolutely beat their ass. Be it making fun of Roman being a bit clueless, someone calling Noise rude or a jerk or someone mocking Youngblood’s caution, best believe it’s on sight
#tw cursing#royono#blood red song#roleslaying with roman#roleslaying with roman spoilers#roman of reston#youngblood#rswr noise#noise rswr#dice rollingstone#mike ro’phone#ryker of reston#aunt patty#rswr#tw dysphoria mention#galaxy polycule#noise????
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Hi, this was inspired by the "top 5 anything" post :)
Top 5 scenes you enjoyed writing in INAP so far and why (and if you want/please also the top 5 hardest scenes to write).
Bless your work 🖤🧡
hi! thanks for asking! ok for those who don't know, INAP is my ongoing tianshan fic on AO3 titled I'm Not A Prostitute. tbh sometimes i regret the title, bc prostitute is a pretty outdated term. but it still is constantly the most relevant name for my fic as its the biggest overarching conflict in the story.
Anyway! these are in no particular order:
top 5 enjoyed writing
1. Chapter 9 "Bath Time" - this entire fic can definitely be divided into two; BBT (Before Bath Time) and ABT (After Bath Time). Its the first major turning point in the fic. BBT chapters were all fun sex scenes with dashes of development. But then in Bath Time, everything completely changed for Red. he admitted to himself that he loved He Tian, and even though this is a He Tian pov chapter, that feeling shift in red is definitely conveyed. it also had great insight in he tian's messed up backstory, the cold mother, not knowing how to comfort, the overwhelming anxiety to stop red from feeling this loving way towards him. plus the sex scene was hot.
2. chapter 11 "Body Shots" - my toxic trait is that i love writing/reading drunk makeout scenes.
3. chapter 19 "The Hotel Room pt 2" - ahhhhh now this one!!!! it was brutal to write but i felt so much satisfaction when i was finally able to write he tian saying "i love you" to red for the first time. i built up this chapter and the ones prior, that red was going to say it, he was going to say it first and it wasn't going to end well bc on the opposite end, he tian was going to end things with red. so i absolutely loved reading everyone's reactions to finding out it was he tian who said it first. regarding the sex scene, i had been saving the ceiling mirror and the lying reverse cowgirl position for a special occasion.
4. chapter 6 "in the kitchen" - the relationship development in this was really fun. he's been spending too much time w he tian, sleeping over often and his mother is worried about his studies. meanwhile he tian is a horndog and wants to fuck in the kitchen. very fun!
5. chapter 14 "the phone call" - hot hot hot just straight up hot.
top 5 difficult chapters
1. chapter 4 "The Video" - when i first started inap, my plan was to only write from Red's pov. but when i got to chapter 4, it was so long ago, but i think i was A) bored of it and B) felt trapped by the single pov. i really wanted to start showing how he tians feelings were developing internally, and you can't do that from Red's pov. so i remember literally having half of the chapter complete and making the difficult decision to scrap it all! ultimately it was the best decision i ever made for the fic bc i thoroughly enjoy writing he tian's pov, and commenters sometimes praise how seeing their different povs for the same scenes really adds layers to the whole story.
2. chapter 22 "coffee & conversations" - ooooh chapter name spoiler~~ its the chapter I'm still working on. i mean it has taken me ehem…over a year to write so….yeah. but it's getting there i swear, I'm hoping end of jan early feb so stay tuned. the difficulty is obviously in the title...CONVERSATIONS!!! GOD I HATE DIALOGUE!!!! ESPECIALLY MEANINGFUL AND IMPORTANT DIALOGUE!!
3. chapter 21 "the hospital" - once again dialogue, well, really its he tian's monologue. I had all of these reasons for why he tian is the way he is that i finally wanted to reveal, but it was difficult to order them, to make it flow nicely between the topics in an orderly manner. this one basically took just under a year to write.
4. chapter 12 "parked" - this was a heavy dialogue chapter and you know how i feel about dialogue. but more importantly, the dialogue had to find the right balance of them returning to the norm, but also have them enter the next stage of their relationship. all sex scenes after this feel pretty meaningful? and its all because of this chapter.
5. chapter 20 "A night out" - it was difficult to figure out how…dark i wanted to go. bc my initial plans went a lot further and when it finally came time to writing it, i kept pulling back. tough stuff.
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A year ago today, I got myself out of a bad situation. Which calls for celebration, don't you think?
I won't name names or go into heavy detail, because I'm not here to stir drama. I have no interest in inviting conflict into my life, after working so hard to escape it.
But this was a big part of my journey.
I spent a lot of time in one very specific fandom, centered around a BNF. I was overwhelmed, and miserable. People I thought were my friends villainized me. Weaponized my feelings against me. Turned on me, because I didn't agree with them. That space was a BNF echo chamber, and dissent was treason.
I am cursed with loyalty and stubbornness to worrying degrees. I don't let go of anything easily. A Taurus, a Hufflepuff, in the worst of ways. I stayed in a bad situation for a very long time. I put a lot of time and effort trying to mend a problem that no one else saw, let alone wanted to fix.
I had panic attacks often. I would sit at my keyboard trembling with dread. I would sit under my desk and cry. I shed so many tears over these people.
Leaving that space was the hardest thing I ever did. Love and fear stayed my hand many times. But I was pushed well past my breaking point by the end. I left in the early hours of morning, while most people slumbered. I shook the entire time. And when the deed was done, a great weight lifted off my shoulders, and all I felt was relief.
Today is a day of many conflicting emotions. Lingering hurt, and guilt. Lingering thoughts of "what if?" If only I'd done more, tried harder, stayed longer, things might be different. But I choose to focus on pride. Being proud that I found enough self-worth and self-love to leave. Proud that I had the strength to get out, however scary it was, however hard it was. Proud of how far I've come since then.
And today, I think it's important to let you know a few things:
You do not owe creators comments, or any feedback. They're nice to give, but they are not owed.
You do not owe creators adulation, or worship, however skilled they are.
You are not required to agree with everything a skilled or popular creator does, says, thinks or feels. It's good to remember that they are as human as the rest of us.
Other people are not bad or wrong for disagreeing with a creator you like.
Other people are not bad or wrong for not liking a creator you like.
It is not okay to mob, or otherwise attack people in "defense" of your favorite creator.
Fandom was built on love, joy, and fun. If you're more miserable than happy, leave.
No person or community is owed your loyalty. It is okay to walk away from people and spaces that are making you uncomfortable, or are hurting you.
Curate your experience. Block tags, block people, block whatever you need to. Real life is hard enough; fandom shouldn't have to be.
You are just as important as everyone else in fandom. You are just as important as people you see as more talented, more popular, more charming, more whatever you see them as. You are just as important as people with more followers, more friends. You are just as important as big names. You deserve respect, and decency, the same as everyone else.
There is no shame in taking care of yourself. Stop reading. Stop commenting. Stop writing. Stop interacting. Take a break. Never return. Change direction. Set boundaries. Make new friends. Explore new places. Pick up new hobbies. Whatever you need to do. You matter. Taking care of yourself is important, whatever that looks like.
Other people matter, too. Be kind.
Though I'm speaking out a bit, I still live with a lot of fear, which is why reblogs are turned off. My old community is not above dragging people through the mud by name. Since I refuse to stoop to that level, I do ask that if anyone from there finds this, please leave me be. You can continue to talk about me behind my back, that's fine, but I don't want vitriol in my inbox. If you want to reach out and talk and not mention how awful I am, that would be fine.
I worked hard for the peace I have. I hope others can respect that. And I hope anyone that needs the encouragement to stand up for themselves, if anyone needs to be told they can get out, I hope this helps. You don't have to suffer. You don't have to "put up with it." If you feel stuck, if you feel alone, you don't have to be. Fandom is a big place. There are people out there and places out there that are right for you.
If you are in a bad situation, and you need someone to talk to, my inbox is open. Take care of yourselves, please!
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Basil - Kel Omori RoleSwap AU
(Stars I need an actual name for this thing-) This is a collection of Notes and Thoughts I have about my interpretation of the AU! Please understand- I've been working on this with an IRL friend who hasn't played through the Faraway segments and doesn't know the Truth yet (soon, but not as of this point), so I haven't had a good way to brainstorm about it yet.
ALSO: I know I may seem somewhat incoherent at points, as a lot of things are based on my and said friend's interpretations of the characters. I'll try to explain if requested.
Headspace will be different! Since Kel (an active force) is replaced with Basil (Significantly more passive), major events and places including either or both of them will have to be changed to keep working, and some character dynamics will be shifted. The fanfic will mostly be the group's adventures through Headspace- As if it were an actual game/mod.
Pre-Vanishing below Read More:
Omori's greeted by Hero, Aubrey and Basil, ofc. Kel isn't part of the initial group because "Kel and Aubrey have been going at it again.' ... 'It’s to the point where Kel won’t even come into the Neighbors room if Aubrey’s here."
Basil's wearing sleepwear, and Kel's got a more awake outfit! The most important thing about this is that Basil's got his Jump Rope as a belt (Where else would I put it?) and Kel has a blanket cape. I'm gonna draw or sprite them later, b/c I'm completely in love with the idea "
Basil still has a flower crown! It would be equipped as a weapon, but he uses his Jump Rope as a whip in fights. When the friends disagree or fight, it starts falling apart and dying faster- Aubrey's Stuffed Toy quest is replaced by Basil needing to find a replacement for his current crown. (Would be called Flower Crown, or something similar) (Bonus: Basil infodumps about each kind of flower in his crowns when he first gets them)
I write the characters as having EMOTIONS (like the colored auras) even out of battle. Kel would experience 3rd tier EMOTIONS, and goes MANIC before he goes missing because he gets over-excited about something.
No watermelons- Instead, there are cardboard boxes or pillows that Omori can slice apart. (Kel can't take care of plants, but he and his brother are Master Blanket Fort Makers, after all! Plus, I figure Kel would be a crafty kid)
Hero's a bit more proactive in this so far, physically stopping Kel and Aubrey's fights and calming Kel out of MANIC. He'll probably be a bit more high strung as well, since he's looking for his little brother. (I kind of want to have him be the one to cry after Space Ex-Boyfriend- "He's not here either... Sniffle... God, I'm such an awful brother."- but I'm not sure if that makes enough sense to put so early.)
Kel has a Camcorder! Its digital, and he uses it to record any and all things he thinks he should remember/are interesting enough. Its a secondhand, off-brand device that he uses so much he's dented it and worn off some of the paint. [In reality, the viewer's been snapped off, and its lost/hidden somewhere in Sunny's house. Kel got it for his birthday the year before the recital, and used it whole year. His parents recorded all of Hero's events- The spelling bee, the cooking competition, and such- and told him that 'we record things so that we can remember them and watch them again later', so he wanted one that he could use on his own.]
The tutorial sections are actually just for Basil! Kel goes into battle and bring Basil with him so that he can teach Basil how to fight and use his skills. (Would break the fourth wall a bit, but Canon does the same, so I'm not too torn up ") (Everyone but Basil would basicallly start at level 2, reasoning that they do fight monsters on their own.)
Kel's got some OP battle skills, because he doesn't stay on the team. [Also, way, way farther than where I am in writing rn- Black space involves Kel fighting of dangers on his own, and I want it to be an overconfident into overwhelmed kinda thing "]
Kel's "Basil's house/garden" equivalent is a Blanket Fort set up between a mountain and forest, with half for Hero and half for Kel. Kel's half (the primary focus) is a sunset colored living room, filled with blankets, pillows, stuffed animals- the usual kind of stuff you might find in a sleepover. (I think? idk I'm weird) It has shelves of movies and comic books, themed by who likes what, and a wall spanning projector screen so they can watch them. It would be the fourth wall if in a game/mod, and Kel would get yoinked after it starts playing his memory of the Truth. [My friend had the idea of him calling out to Sunny before he gets got, b/c we're both shipping trash and Caprisun is The Good Shit, but I'm not sure it makes enough sense.]
I'll talk about a bit more soon, but I've got a thing today, so. It'll have to be later. Soon " Feel free to interact/Give ideas/Tell me it's unrealistic- whatever! Will respond asap "
#Omori au#BasilKel swap#no1sy#long post#omori#omori caprisun#(slight)#omori solar system#(even slighter)#White Noise AU
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ok now i just gotta ask !!!
ANGSTY carrington hcs ? any about his past ?
Okay okay first of all I Love You and Thank You for feeding my Carrington obession but also I've never really thought about his past before??? I just kinda assume he. Spawned in one day. As a Railroad agent. So I might not have a lot for that specifically but I'Il have fun writing it!
Angsty Carrington Headcanons!!
I'm imagining him getting too attached to synths and other agents early in his career
This is back when the Railroad didn't have as many agents and only saved one or two synths per year
Because of the fact that they got to know every agent personally, and that he's really their only real doctor, it got overwhelming very quick.
He got to hear about their entire life story. Who they were, where they came from, if they had any loved ones
While he still has decent bedside manners now and will sit with a dying agent if they have nobody else to be with, when he first joined he would push himself too far to save ones that couldn't be saved
Staying up for nights, giving agents more and more pain relievers that he bought with his own money, refusing to believe they wouldn't make it
He'd deny so ferociously that they were dying that when they did it would sometimes take him a few minutes to actually accept that they stopped breathing a long while ago
I don't know the context of this line, but at some point Deacon says this:
"But for a grieving parent, telling them that their kid ate a courser's bullet in the struggle for synth freedom... that doesn't hold much water"
Surely Carrington was the one who had to break the news to the parents every once in a while
Especially when he had to tell them that there wasn't a body to be buried. It took a toll on him.
Synths as well, because there were so few escaping before Pariot started helping out, every success was huge, and every failure was heart-wrenching
Synths got passed through every agent multiple times, and probably got to stay in HQ occasionally if a safehouse was in danger, meaning they all got to know them personally.
Each death hits Carrington harder than the last no matter how they died because he's a doctor, his only job is to prevent that.
He probably had a breakdown at some point and nearly left the Railroad. Desdemona comforted him and convinced him to stay, maybe ranking him up to second in command as a way to have him do something other than medical work
He hates paper work and fixing other agents mistakes with a passion, but it was a huge show of how Des trusts him and cares about him and he appreciates the act a lot.
He definitely doesn't take proper care of himself, not necessarly in a medical way, because he rarely gets hurt at all, but he neglects his physical and emotional needs a lot
In a lot of ways he acts like a robot, always doing work and only eating or drinking when he needs "fuel", aka when he's nearly passing out from hunger
All the other agents help keep him in check but it's very hard for him to admit that he's wrong or needs help.
He's starting to forget what sun feels like on his skin. Last time he left HQ was months ago when it was raining and the sensory input sent him into a bit of an overload.
Also very touch starved but very touch adverse. Doesn't really trust any agents with non-professional physical touch except for maybe Des and Tom.
He hates the chalkboard with the agents names and safehouses written or crossed out on it. He thinks it's unecessary, a risk, and just reminds everyone of what they've lost.
The movement from Switchboard to the church took a big toll on him mentally
He needs stability and routine in his life and he doesn't cope very well with things he can't control, one of the reasons why he doesn't work in the field
Also the grief of losing what he considered his home for years. Every once in a while he'll wake up and think he's back in Switchboard again and it'll fill him with a sense of comfort for just a few moments before something reminds him that he's not there anymore.
Has to act like he wasn't crying after that, tells people he has an allergy to dust that makes his eyes red and puffy.
#poor carebear#if this doesnt make any sense im sorry i wrote this all at 2 in the morning#that deacon audio might be messed up but thats because it was a last minute addition bc i couldnt remember if it existed or not#i thought DES said it for some reason??? and then i HAD to check right before posting this#fallout 4#doctor carrington#railroad#headcanons#audio
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Tis the end of the 2nd round of our trip. Figured I would highlight the top 10 stops we made.
Stonehenge - we weren't going to visit London and not make this stop. Glad we did cause this pic is EPIC! Look, there is even a dove flying over my head. Just epic...
Large Hadron Collider - Geneva Switzerland is one of the two most expensive places in all of Europe. (Zurich is the other). We went out and had Fondue for dinner and I told the Airbnb host "man, we just went to a really expensive restaurant, but it was good." Turned out to be the cheapest meal we could find during that stop. Our francs were going fast. Like atoms flying near the speed of light.. see what I did there?
Rialto Bridge - Venice Italy has our affection. Next trip we take to France will no doubt include another visit to the City of Love. I miss you, Spritzes!
The Colosseum - Rome overwhelmed us with all it had to offer. We were seeing sites and taking pics trying to collect them all, but the Pokemon were too many. Literally, we would see one thing and be like wow, and then turn around and there was something else. We had to go home the first day and regroup with a plan for what we wanted to see, cause it was out of control. So next we went and saw....
Pompeii - Probably the single most amazing ancient site we saw on this trip (and we saw a lot). Being allowed to explore with no limitations, and experiencing walking through the streets and standing in the rooms the way the citizens of Pompeii once did was enough to keep me looking over my shoulder and asking "did you hear something?"
Roman Aquaducts - totally underrated. These are GIANT structures spanning I don't know how far, bringing water to cities that could not exist without them. It was like seeing dinosaur bones left standing in their tracks in the middle of a field. Too cool.
Baths of Caracalla - it took 9000 workers 5 years to build. When it was completed, 6000 Romans at a time could come bathe in this giant complex. Another underrated site defined as such because I'd never heard of them and this Tumblr is all about me, let's face it.
GGANTIJA - while visiting Malta, we saw the Tarxien Temples, Hal Saflieni Hypogeum, Hagar Qim, Mjandra Temple, and the beast you see above. A solid tour of ancient temples so epic, people make money writing books and TV shows about how aliens must have been involved. The feeling I got, having visited these, is I have to pick one view or the other: either it's AMAZING what early man accomplished or aliens are kind of disappointing in their lack of terrestrial abilities.
I choose to be amazed. We had a guide on the morning of the Spring Equinox who said: "it's kind of insulting to our ancestors that we see what they were able to achieve and say "you couldn't have done this on your own, you had help." Instead, we can stand in awe of what can be achieved when mankind works together toward a common goal."
The Phoenician Cart Ruts - Probably aliens.
Arc de Triomf - Does this belong in the top 10? Maybe not, but I can't just leave Barcelona Spain off the list completely. We intend to come back and visit. If we skip dinners in Geneva, we should be able to afford to stay here for a month or so. That will be nice.
I think we had hit our max on wanting to experience all the sites and sounds of the European Pokemon collecting by our last day in Barcelona, cause instead of rushing from Site A to Site B, we just bought a few Estrella Damms (popular beer in Spain) from a corner market and brought them into a Taco Bell and had a picnic, lol. That's a true story.
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🗣📝🔎
🗣️Talk about your favourite WIP
I could never choose only one of my children like that, so I'm gonna say three 😅🙈
The most current one is a Ted/Trent fic that's an AU based on the 2007 rom com/drama "No Reservations". In this one, Trent is Catherine Zeta-Jones basically, the overworked, overwhelmed guardian of his niece since his sister passed away. And Ted is of course Ted, the manic pixie dream coach who gets the little girl to open up and helps Trent to see that he's not trapped in this situation. So far, I've written two very short chapters and I wanna write more, I just kinda lost focus 🙈
Then there's also the two big projects that I started in 2020 for my two biggest German fandoms. One is called "Hühnerküsse" and it's about the girls from "Die wilden Hühner", a kids' book series by Cornelia Funke about a girl gang - it's from the 90's/early 00's and even though it's mindblowing to me that they already had a canon lesbian character in a children's book in 2003, I decided that I needed to make it even more queer. So I started writing this little story in 10 chapters about how all of them kissed each other at various points in their friendships, for various reasons - I just never finished it because for one pairing, I couldn't decide how I wanted the kiss to happen, I wrote three or four different versions of it, I was never hapy with it and then I stopped. :( Recently rediscovered it again because someone left some lovely notes on it and it really made me want to revisit the story.
The other one is a five part series called "Kontrolle und Chaos" and it's about my two favourite milfs from the German crime show classic "Tatort". They're called Charlotte and Anaïs (the latter played by love of my life Florence Kasumba of Marvel fame and also, more importantly, known from the German cast recording of the musical Aida, in the title role) and god, they've got issues <3 And I had so, so many issues with part 5 of that series. I started writing it just after their second episode, fully committed to writing a lesbian love story and ignoring the uncomfortable love triangle created in the show. But then unfortunately, I fell in love with Daniel Donskoy who plays the man in that love triangle and has openly advocated for polyamory, and suddenly I had to rethink the whole thing. So now I've written four of five parts, trying to figure out how to make the last one fit with the new information I've got, and just like with Hühnerküsse, I wrote several versions I didn't like and eventually dropped it. Sure hope I'll finish this one because I have recently found some notes for it that offer a pretty good solution.
📝Share a snippet of an unposted WIP, with or without context.
Okay, this is technically an outtake from my current Jamie/Roy(/Keeley) WIP, meaning I probably won't be able to make it fit anywhere in the fic but it was too funny not to share so here you go:
“I have one rule,” Roy says. “You do not call me ‘daddy’ in bed.”
Jamie scoffs, pretending the idea has never even occurred to him. Roy doesn’t believe him. “What about out of bed?” Jamie asks and wiggles his eyebrows.
“I have two rules,” Roy says.
Jamie laughs. “Just fucking with you, mate. Out of bed, you’re granddad of course.” He ducks just in time to avoid the pillow Roy throws at his head.
🔍Give a clue (a picture, emoji, a word, etc) and let your followers guess what a WIP is about.
here's a clue for the Jamie/Roy one lol
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on va voir, motherfucker