#i am 25 now and know what i want to pursue!
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seriously looking into getting a Wildlife B.S.!! anyone who's pursued a similar program, what are some things you wish you had known before / wish you had better prepared for?
#i had a very unconventional high school schooling experience#and didn't have a chance to go to /#didn't know what i wanted yo go to college for#i am 25 now and know what i want to pursue!#and i feel like i would always regret not trying#but its still scary!!
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Mercy | m.v
pairing: mean!dom!max x sub!reader
warnings: smut, chocking, slapping, dacryphilia, spanking, inappropriate usage of a belt, hair pulling, slipknot reference (not an actual warning but i wanted to add it hehe), getting forced to spit cum out, hardcore blowjob
w/c: 2.4K
summary: You were always used to talking back with your bratty mouth and winning the argument in the end, but how is this gonna turn out when you're having an argument with your boyfriend max verstappen? Not very well for you.
song suggestion: mercy by duffy
check this out: my masterlist <3 // my ko-fi to support! <3 // my PayPal to support me! <3 // my Patreon to become a member! (get access to +25 works) <3 // Save a Life carrd made by me! <3
Max is a very impatient person that tends to get angry very easily — everybody knows that, and that’s the exact reason why nobody dares themselves to talk back to the young Dutch driver.
Everybody expect for you.
Growing up with 3 older brothers that sometimes loved to pick on you a bit for fun, taught you quite a lot. You were never able to shut your mouth, you always had to open it and say exactly what you were thinking.
Most of the time it helped you since some people understood the message and left you alone… but some peop-, men… weren’t a fan of your big mouth, like your boyfriend max for an example.
Your boyfriend was only used to people carefully and innocently listening to him, not actually opening their mouth and talking back to the young kart racing talent.
Especially since you were the most innocent and oblivious women he ever met, at least that’s what he taught after the first date the two of you had.
But oh was mad max wrong.
“Shut the fuck up, y/n! I asked you nicely to leave me alone for now, is that so fucking-”
“Do not talk like that to me! Don’t you ever think that you can talk in that tone to me just because you're a man, you-”
And as you should have probably guessed, max hated the fact that you’ve interrupted his sentence and talked back to him.
So he narrowed his eyes at your standing figure before he quickly took long strides over to you and grabbed you by the neck, mercilessly slamming your body against the wall in his driver's room, making you yelp.
For a few seconds he just stared down at your visibly nervous figure, you didn't say anything as well, just looking him deep in the eyes, desperately trying to show him that you do not care.
“Don’t you ever even think about raising your voice like that at me again.” Voice quiet but very stern and strict, “I do not think that I can raise my voice at you just because I am a man, y/n.” Thumb pressing harder into the side of your throat, “But I do think that I can raise my voice at you and speak to you however I want because I know that you would be nothing without me.” He told you harshly.
Then, he raised his other hand to unbutton your navy blue blouse but you didn’t back down, you never back down — so you were the one now to raise your hand and slapped his hand away from your chest area but max hated the fact that you just weren’t able to obey him and be putty in his palms.
He didn’t even say anything, or change his facial expressions, he just quickly threw your trashing hand away and raised his own hand to slap your across the face, eyes not leaving your chest area as he raised his hand again to pursue a second attempt at opening your blouse that’s obviously supposed to represent redbull.
You briefly licked your lips before a grin covered your lips, then you swallowed a tiny amount of fear that build itself up in your throat down and pursued your second attempt at showing him that your not gonna listen to him that easily.
You raised your right hand again and tried to push his big hand away once again, this time you tried to act a little quicker since he almost completely unbuttoned the thin piece of clothing already.
But this time he did look at you. After he pushed your hand away, squeezed your throat harder and slapped you so rough that your head automatically turned itself to the other side, immediately shooting tears into your eyes. You pathetically whined at the impact since it was way harder this time, making him look at you after he unbuttoned the last tiny button.
“If you can’t listen to me, then you have to feel the consequences and believe me, baby,” changing his posture a bit so he stood straighter infront of you, “the consequences that I'm gonna give you are really painful.” he muttered deeply as he quickly removed your blouse, throwing it away before he let go of your throat, making you gasp.
Even though your vision was quite blurry since the slap still hurt like a bitch, you were able to see how max walked backwards and plopped down onto the small, comfy couch in his driver's room.
“Take your clothes off, slowly.” He demanded as he put his arms on top of the armrests and spread his legs, manspreading in front of your still clothed figure as your bottom lip trembled while the tears didn’t stop.
But you only shook your head as you kept your gaze on him, making him throw his back and release a deep and short chuckle.
“You just don’t. want. to. give. up, do you?” Voice harsh and clear but you didn’t care, you just crossed your arms over your chest and repeated your action, shaking your head again.
He briefly sighed before he removed his arms from the armrests and put them on his thighs before he frowned and mumbled under his breath,
“Didn’t even know that I was dating a bitch that needs to be taught some respect and discipline towards her own boyfriend.” He said before he stood up and made his over to his little locker, quickly opening it to obviously look for something specific.
Tears dripped down your red cheeks as he carelessly got a hold of his black, leather belt that he wore today as he arrived at the paddock with his blue jeans and navy blue t-shirt.
If you would think that this is some kind of joke just to make you even more nervous than you already are, you would even laugh but you knew that max was not joking, max was never joking when it came to punishing you for being a brat. If he says that he’s gonna punish you in that and that way, then he’s gonna punish you in that and that way, no doubts.
Without muttering a single word, max sat himself down again, spreading his legs again and motioning your body towards his sitting one with his pointer finger, other hand still holding his belt.
He knew that if you are willing to obey to him, that he doesn’t even need to say anything, you’ll do anything for him without him having to say anything.
And of course, you haven’t made your way over to the visibly angry man sitting on the probably pretty expensive couch in front of you, your ego was way to big for that.
You quickly wiped some of the tears away, briefly sniffing before you stood up straighter and glanced down at the dutch man,
“No?” He asked you, tilting his head to the side before he sighed in a loud tone, rolling his eyes at your childish and bratty behaviour.
“Like I’ve said, little one, who doesn’t want to listen, has to feel.” Max said in a rather calm tone before he stood up, grabbed your upper in a very tight and quite painful way and sat himself down again, throwing you in the process over his thighs.
You loudly complained, trashing with your arms and legs around but secretly you didn’t even wanted to leave his place to be honest, you just couldn’t disappoint your own ego.
“Stay still.” He harshly spat at your trashing figure before he unexpectedly raised his hand and spanked your almost bare ass — great choice to wear a skirt by the way — with his leather belt, immediately making all your limbs stop trashing and gasp in a high pitched tone as tears shot in your eyes, making you grab his racing suit.
He briefly chuckled as he noticed how much you’ve regret doing everything you’ve done earlier, “Oh now we're regretting it? After I’ve told you multiple times already in the past that, that bratty behaviour isn’t gonna get you anywhere in life, especially not when you're with me?” Spanking your poor ass another three times as he went on,
“And your always gonna be mine.” Spank. “You’ll never leave me, “ Spank. “Believe me, I’ll make sure of that.” Spank. He chuckled in a mean way before he swiftly removed your white thong, quickly putting it in front of your face.
“That’s your chance to show me that you are able to listen to me and that I’ve taught you well in the past.” Quickly giving you another hard and loud spank with the long piece of clothing before he continued, “Open. Your. Mouth.” He demanded while his belt glided along your red ass cheeks.
But after a few seconds of watching you removing your gaze from his hand that’s in front of your face and putting your eyes onto your fingers that are currently squeezing his racing suit since the spankings with the leather material really hurt, he got his answer.
“Alright,” he muttered under his breath, “If that’s how you want this to go, then so it’ll be, you little bitch,” your boyfriend spat in a raspy tone before he threw your panties away and grabbed your throat, swiftly pulling your head upwards.
His nose glided along the top of your head as he spoke up, “you better not forget that I gave you a choice and you fucked it up.” Spanking your ass with his leather belt again, “So everything that’s gonna happen in the next hour is not. my. fault,” he told you angrily before he spanked you again, making you gasp and cry out as tears covered your vision.
“H-Hour?” You nervously asked him, you’ve never before had sex for an hour, especially not sex that… rough and painful. But you loved it and he’s knows that.
You heard him chuckle as he wiped one of your tears with his thumb away, “Oh you think I’m gonna spank that pretty ass of yours for a few times, edge you 2 or 3 times, slap that little face of yours and then let you go?, no, that’s not how it works, y/n, baby.”
You gulped, “h-how does it w-work, then?”
He slowly retreated his hand around your throat, dropping your head, before he put his big palm on the top of your head and pushed your wet face in the soft material of the couch.
“You’ll see,” he mumbled in a hush tone, Dutch accent covering his voice before spanked your with his belt another five times, making you jolt every single time the hard leather touched your hot skin.
“P-Please!,” you begged in a quiet tone, voice already quite hoarse, “Please, m-max-”
“What? Please what, y/n… say it, c'mon,” he demanded as his hand didn’t stop spanking your poor ass with his belt, other hand still forcing your face down into the couch.
You sniffled before you spoke up again, “Please m-make it s-stop, maxie.”
He chuckled at the pretty nickname you’ve been calling since the two of you are dating, “Do not call me maxie now, y/n,” he said, spanking your ass with the hard leather one last time before he picked your by your hair up, making you gasp.
After wiping some of your tears way — smudging your mascara and also slightly your lipstick in the process — max quickly put his belt around your wrists, tightened it around your delicate skin before he finally looked you in the eyes.
“Get on your knees,” max demanded in a quiet tone.
Since you knew that you’ve already fucked up, you’ve actually obeyed this time and removed your trembling body from his lap and got on your knees in front of the dutch man, closely watching him as he opened his racing suit and freed his very visible erection, tip already leaking with pre-cum.
You licked your lips at the beautiful sight in front of you. You’ve raised your hands to touch him and make him feel good but the black belt around your wrists didn’t allow that, making you gulp as his big hand grabbed your hair, lifting your head again.
“Stop whining, you are the only one that’s responsible for all of that,” max told you harshly, putting a few loose strands of hair out of your wet and heated face, “C’mere,” he mumbled quietly before he forced your mouth towards his dick.
“F-Fucking shit,” he growled as your mouth went around his dick, forcing his dick down your throat until you gagged, “that’s exactly what your mouth's good for and nothing else you hear me?” Throwing his head back as he noticed how tears glided down your cheeks again and how gagging and sloppy sounds filled the air, making him moan.
You choked on his length, obviously showing him that you want to go a tiny bit slower since the pain of his spanking with his belt still hurt like a bitch, but max didn’t care.
He put your hair in a messy and careless makeshift ponytail before he forced your mouth even further down onto his cock, so far that the tip of your nose was already touching his pelvis, making you squeeze your eyes shut as tears already fell onto his thighs.
“Just like that, baby,” the Dutch driver whined in a deep tone, groaning before he went on, “That’s w-what you get for talking b-back to me, fucking h-hell.” Throwing his back and slightly arching his back as soon as he came into your mouth, hand now slowly leaving your head, dropping your hair again.
Max quickly calmed himself down before he looked down at you,
“Open,“ nodding his chin in your direction before you obeyed and opened your mouth.
You don’t have a lot of sexual kinks, but if there’s one thing that you absolutely love then it’s swallowed his cum, it’s basically some kind of prove for you — the prove that you are the only one that can make him cum that quick and like that.
He briefly bit his and smiled as he saw the amount of cum on your tongue, but after staring at it for a couple of seconds he didn’t order you to swallow it, no — he grabbed the back of your neck and swiftly lifted himself up, dragging you with him as he made his way over to the small sink in the corner of his driver's room.
You gasped as he pressed your shaking body against the hard, white sink, brows furrowing at his action, not understanding what he wants from you.
“Spit. It. Out,” Max demanded from you as he put his other hand on your chin, leaning your head forward while his other hand still held your back in place. Your eyes widened before you let his cum drip it’s way down your tongue that was covered in it, making your boyfriend chuckle.
“Good girl.”
#fanfic#fanfiction#max verstappen x you#max verstappen ff#max verstappen#max verstappen one shot#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen smut#max verstappen fanfic#max verstappen redbull#rbr#red bull racing#f1#smut
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Paid readings
hii! i am shells, i know how to read birthcharts as well as tarot cards. I've been reading charts for like 6 years now and tarot cards for 4. I would love to read for you once given a chance, thankyou!!!
- i accept payment through gpay and paypal
-if you are paying through PayPal please add $3 extra if possible as the transaction fees, I would really appreciate it<3
- make sure that you know your accurate birth time as only then you'll be able to get an accurate reading
- the payment has to be done before getting the reading
- i will give you your almost in 2-3 days but if I'm busy I'll inform
- please drop a feedback in my asks after I've done your reading
- if there is any sort of problem regarding the charges or anything please lmk thru dms I've just started paid readings and I'm myself very confused
Types of readings and the charges!
Birth chart readings
General reading -$18
- how others see you
- what you are are like
- your strengths and weaknesses
Future spouse reading->$25
( only main chart)
- what they look like
- what they are like
- how you will meet them
Future spouse in depth reading -> $40
(main and division chart)
- their profession
- how you both will be like together
- married life etc
Career reading -> $25
- careers you might be good at
- what will you be like in your career
- your finances
Career reading in depth -> $40
- what career you are going to pursue
- what problems you might face in your career
-what will you be like in your workplace etc
+ things that you should be careful about
A twist? -> $23
- five random things about yourself or your life that you might or might not be aware of
- five things that you must be careful about in your life(health, enemies etc)
Full birth chart reading -> $90
- including your main chart and main divisional charts d9 and d10 career and marriage
Tarot card readings
Please remember that the tarot card reading prices may also vary on the number of spreads you want!!
I got the feels -> $18
- How your desired person sees you
- How your desired person feels about you
Daydreaming -> $25
- what you guys are like right now
-What you guys might be like if you get together in the future
Third party -> $35
If you have a question regarding a third party for example how they feel about you and them etc
will this shoe fit? - $30
You can ask me about a particular career in mind, how you will do in it and what would life be like for you if you choose it
NSFW readings
- what would your first time be like? $30
- what would it be like with your desired person? $40
- your fs kinks and what they are like in bed $35
- your next partner in bed $20
NSFW readings might require more days for me to do as I'd have to be more focused
If you have any other questions except these feel free to either dm me or send an ask we can discuss the price!!!
Thankyou!!
#astrology#astrology notes#vedic astrology#astrology observations#free readings#askgames#astrology asks#exchange readings#exchange reading#tarot pac#paid readings#free tarot readings#free tarot reading#tarot reading#tarot#sidereal astrology#kpop astrology#astro notes#astro community#astro observations#astroblr#aries#taurus#gemini#scorpio#aquarius#cancer#leo#saggitarius#pisces
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mitski songs that make me think of reid + a specific lyric
spencer reid is very mitski. but these were the first to come to mind. i do not take criticism.
- working for the knife
honestly, the entire song reminds me of reid, but this in particular:
I always thought the choice was mine
And I was right, but I just chose wrong
I start the day lying and end with the truth
That I'm dying for the knife
- liquid smooth
I'm liquid smooth, come touch me, too
I'm at my highest peak, I'm ripe
About to fall
How I feel this river rushing through my veins
With nowhere else to go, it circles 'round
- class of 2013
Mom, would you wash my back?
This once, and then we can forget
And I'll leave what I'm chasing
For the other girls to pursue
Mom, am I still young?
Can I dream for a few months more?
- i don't smoke
Just don't leave me alone
Wondering where you are
I am stronger than you give me
Credit for
If your hands need to break
More than trinkets in your room
You can lean on my arm
As you break my heart
- abbey
again, the entire song is very reid, but:
I am something
I have been something
I was born something
What could I be?
There is a light that I can see
But only, it seems, when there's darkness in me
There is a dream that I sometimes see
That only appears in the dark of sleep
- i bet on losing dogs
Will you let me, baby, lose
On losing dogs
I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place
By the ring
Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down
I wanna feel it
I bet on losing dogs
I always want you when I'm finally fine
- the deal
Then of course, nothing replied, nothing speaks to you in the night
And I walked my way home, there was no one in sight
Save a bird perched upon a streetlight, watchin' me
So, I stopped and let it watch 'til I found that it said
"Now I'm taken, the night has me
You won't hear me singin'
You're a cage without me
Your pain is eased, but you'll never be free for
Now I'm taken, the night has me"
- fireworks
this is perhaps one of the reid-est. here's the particular lyric:
One morning this sadness will fossilize
And I will forget how to cry
I'll keep going to work and you won't see a change
Save perhaps a slight gray in my eye
I will go jogging routinely
Calmly and rhythmically run
And when I find that a knife's sticking out of my side
I'll pull it out without questioning why
- i don't like my mind
again, the entire song is reid, but this is my pick:
I don't like my mind, I don't like being left alone in a room
With all its opinions about the things that I've done
So, yeah, I blast music loud, and I work myself to the bone
And on an inconvenient Christmas, I eat a cake
- first love / late spring
very cliché, but i HAD to include it! here:
And I was so young when I behaved 25
Yet now, I find I've grown into a tall child
And I don't wanna go home
Let me walk to the top of the big night sky
- there's nothing left for you
You could touch fire
You could fly
It was your right
It was your life
And then it passed
To someone new
It'll keep passin' on
Long after you
- nobody
And I don't want your pity
I just want somebody near me
Guess I'm a coward
I just want to feel alright
- because dreaming costs money, my dear
I once lived in the sea
Bring me to your ear, you can hear
The tide where I used to be
Though now I'm but a shell
- a pearl
Sorry, I don't want your touch
It's not that I don't want you
Sorry, I can't take your touch
It's just that I fell in love with a war
Nobody told me it ended
And it left a pearl in my head
And I roll it around every night
Just to watch it glow
Every night, baby, that's where I go
- real men
Real men keep cool in the face of a fire
Go down with the ship
And real men don't eat
'Cause they're above that, damn it
Oh, I'm gonna be a real man
- crack baby
It's been a long, hard 20 year summer vacation
Both these 20 years tryna fill the void
Crack baby, you don't know what you want
But you know that you had it once
And you know that you want it back
Crack baby, you don't know what you want
But you know that you're needing it
And you know that you need it bad
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midnight confessions
pairing: mark lee x gn! reader
genre: slight angst
word count: 0.3k ( super short blurb)
a/n: this is my first time writing so i’m sorry if it’s bad! i thought of this during one of my daydreams and this is the product. enjoy!
ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚
12:25 am
you woke up to the sound of your phone ringing, wondering who would be calling you so late at night. you rubbed your eyes before checking who it was.
mark was calling you.
you began to question why in god’s name he would be calling you at midnight but decided to pick up anyway.
“ hello?” you answer, sleep laced throughout your voice.
“ hey y/n, *hiccup* what’s up?” he asks you, loud music blaring through the phone.
he was drunk. that’s why he called.
“ mark honey, you should go home and sleep. it’s late and you know you can’t handle alcohol,” you say, subconsciously calling him the same pet name you use for all of your friends.
“ you know y/n, i’ve always loved you. it’s always been you, i just let you keep getting away.” you heard him slur through the phone, probably not grasping the words he let slip.
as soon as what he said registered, your heart dropped.
“ oh... um, thank you for letting me know. you should get some rest though. good night mark.” you responded, trying not to let your voice crack, before hanging up and letting yourself cry.
you began to laugh as tears continued to stream down your face. why did he decide to confess now? you had wanted him for years, but you just kept missing him.
it always felt like something held you guys back from ever pursuing each other, as if destiny kept on trying to let you know that all the 2 of you would ever be was two friends who always longed for each other but never got a chance before it was too late.
you and mark would always be friends, a pair of lovers never meant to be united.
ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚
#nct x reader#nct x y/n#nct dream#nct dream x reader#mark lee#mark lee x reader#nct#nct 127#mark lee x you#mark x reader#nct imagines#nct scenarios#nct blurbs#nct fanfic
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Help! The Woman I Have Been Stalking for Years Is Disinclined to Engage With Me
Carolyn Hax, WaPo, 1 June 2023 (originally 11 March 2009):
Dear Carolyn: About five years ago, I began to realize that a woman I dated 25 years earlier was someone I had stronger feelings for than I was mature enough to appreciate at the time. I had questions for her about why we hadn’t blossomed into the kind of relationship I now think we both believe we were destined for.
In the past five years, I’ve continued to have those questions, then dreams, etc., which led me to do a paid search for her address. I wrote her twice and left a voice mail. My messages have been about old friends I bumped into who reminded me of her, what I’ve been doing and how I’d like to hear from her. That is, nothing too serious or about what’s been on my mind.
I haven’t received an answer. I’ve thought through the reasons she hasn’t corresponded, and why I needed to talk with her, and am still at a loss. Would asking her my questions directly in a letter be a way to coax her to reconnect? Telling her that, apart from this midlife crisis of mine, I’m happily married and successful, and that all I want are answers? -- A 30-year-old question
Dear 30-Year-Old Question,
One might expect a happily married person to do all kinds of things, but topmost among them is paying to find the contact information of an ex-girlfriend and sending said ex-girlfriend multiple unanswered messages, repeatedly and through a variety of means, over the course of many years in the hopes of deceiving her into heady conversations about the details of your long-ended relationship. Yes indeed, when the Bad Advisor thinks of "normal stuff a person who's very happy in their marriage would do," her mind immediately goes to "pretending to ask innocuous questions about old friends in the hope that a woman I dated 30 years ago believes I am solely and only asking her innocent questions about old friends, when in fact I am explicitly and admittedly not."
Women are famously unable to clock the intentions of men, who are very clever, extremely stealthy, and never creepy or dangerous to the extent that they would unsettle people from whom they have demanded interaction and who have time and time again ignored them. Probably this woman received your incredibly blasé letters and voicemail and thought: "Gosh, it seems like this dude who deuced out on me three decades ago is trying to rope me into responding to him multiple times despite my obvious disinclination to engage only and exclusively on the subject of our old friends, what a boring conversation, I shan't respond unless he sends me a lengthy bit of written correspondence detailing his many thoughts and feelings about how our romance ended, I simply can't imagine having a conversation with him unless I know for absolute certain he wants to rehash what happened between us, which is the only possible way I could fathom entertaining such a reconnection, one which I would never have reason to pursue otherwise, as I am so desperately in love with him and have been lo these 30 years but could not in good conscience find a way to broach the subject unless he sends me just one more letter finally making his bonerful intentions plain, that sly dog."
Might you have neglected to include a return address on the previous correspondence about which you were extremely desperate, but in a very casual way, to receive a response? Does your ex-girlfriend own the only cellular telephone on earth that does not log the return-call number of people who leave voicemails? Mayhap she simply does not know how to contact you after multiple attempts over half a decade! These are highly probable reasons she has not sought you out! Vastly more likely than the fact that she sees entirely the fuck through your pretenses and wants nothing to do with you whatsoever.
If you wish to receive a concrete answer about the status of your relationships, your best hope is to CC your spouse on any future correspondence. I think you can expect a prompt response.
#advice#bad advice#carolyn hax#washington post#mid-life crisis#happily married#the gift of fear#just asking questions#sea lion#m'lady#stalking#just regular stuff happily married dudes do#absolutely normal shit
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On the Subject of Pat 2.0
Hello! It’s your resident 25 year old working their first job out of grad school with no family in the area and a friend group that is comprised mostly of people older than them here to talk about "Pat" Phakphum Tangwatthana another resident 25 year old working his first job out of grad school with no family in the area and a friend group that is comprised mostly of people older than him.
I have seen some confusion or distaste around Pat and Pat’s storyline in the most recent episode, and I understand the criticism around the editing needing to be tighter, but I do just want to talk about my own perceptions of Pat and why I didn’t need any more explicit explanations for his behavior than we already got.
It’s essay time :D
Pat and his emotions in Episode 9:
We start the episode on Pat’s point of view, cutting back to the previous evening and establishing Pat’s level of inebriation
Gif from @pharawee
Everything is ghosting and blurry and it is very clear that Pat was out of his head if not out of his body when he was having fun with Jeng on the dance floor. This is evidence enough as far as I am concerned that Pat had absolutely zero knowledge of Jeng’s dance floor confession. But what he does remember is learning Jeng is queer. Which as we are all aware, rocks his fucking world.
Now, I wrote in my previous timeline that narratively, Pat has never had the time to contemplate the sexuality of his boss. At the very beginning, he spills glass jelly on Jeng’s shoe and meets a kind and very attractive man, and then he just simps over this very Lorge Man for awhile while Jeng is actively trying to manage a crush on an employee because he understands would be a huge HR Violation if he were to try to pursue that thread. But Pat has been flirting hard, in ways that are obvious if you are queer and able to identify them, but less so if you are straight and don’t automatically look at the level of familiarity as flirting. However, we have to look at when, where, and how Pat and Jeng break their professionalism and where they maintain it.
Pat only initiates the break in professionalism when he is drunk and/or out of the office. His criticisms of Jeng he gives in the review? Drunk. His commentary about how when he first met Jeng he was nice and he is having a hard time reconciling that Jeng with micromanaging boss Jeng? Drunk. Hanging all over him and tugging at his shirt? Drunk. Hanging all over him and tugging at his shirt round 2? Drunk.
The rest Jeng initiates. He engineers the dinner in his office, he asks Pat to come over on Sunday to work, he suggests Pat get ready at his apartment, he suggests he and Pat share a hotel room, he asks Pat to accompany him to the furniture store, he calls the video of drunk!Pat cute, he asks Pat to go on the restaurant tour with him.
So, from this we know that Pat is aware enough of the office gossip and when in control of his mental faculties, is able to temper his feelings towards Jeng while at work. And that Jeng has been simping hard from the beginning, and Pat has been reciprocating the energy whenever Jeng starts the interaction.
But we also know that Pat has a difficult time handling his other emotions, especially while at work. Partially because he is young, partially because he is exploited, partially because he is almost certainly spending a lot of his time focusing on a) not having a meltdown and b) not hitting on his boss in front of his coworkers.
Anyway, the timeline of Pat’s immediate emotions around Jeng’s sexuality confession I have previously outlined so just keep that in mind while I continue to ramble about Pat in this episode.
Pat learns Jeng is gay, freaks out about it because Jeng is fully aware of everything Pat has been doing, and Pat is fully aware that Jeng has been intentionally flirting with him this whole time. Spirals about it in his dreams the whole night and wakes up hungover and having an existential crisis about what the fuck comes next for him.
He takes the day off, tries to give himself some space to think, process, reassess, and figure out his next steps. But instead…his Mom is in town, and in his kitchen, cooking him breakfast.
What is she doing here? He doesn’t know, it’s a surprise, and a good surprise because we know he has a good relationship to his parents, and you can tell that from the way he interacts with his mother. But a mother is going to mother, so she’s going to comment on his eating habits, and he’s going to lie about how often he eats instant noodles, and she’s going to check in on his health, having seen him absolutely plastered the previous evening, and she is going to ask about the very kind and handsome man that helped Pat home and made sure he was safe.
And she’s going to say a passing comment about Pat being a burden to his friend.
Which, looking at Pat’s face here, was not really what he wants to be hearing at this particular moment. Not when he is trying to get Jeng out of his head, not when he is trying to create space to figure out what he is feeling about that entire situation, the reality that he could have what he wants, the understanding that Jeng has been wise to Pat’s attraction to him this whole time. Not when he got in to that whole situation with Jeng last night because he was trying to distract himself from being sad about breaking up with Put. His parents live in another country, they have no idea what is going on in his life, his mother sees her son was out with a nice man and so has no reason to suspect something would have been wrong. So she stumbles right in to one of Pat’s sore spots.
“Where did you meet him?” she asks and Pat’s goes:
If anyone needs a live action shocked pikachu face, look no further. He knows he cannot tell her. He knows what it would sound like, what it would seem like, how inappropriate it would appear for him to say “I met him at work” and even more so if he has to say “that is my boss.”
He’s had the realization that Jeng is gay, and therefore that a relationship between Jeng and Pat is possible, and he is now having the realization of just how bad it would appear to literally anyone on the outside. Even now, even before they are dating, when they are just coworkers and friends, his mother knowing that he was out, late at night, that drunk around his boss??? Absolutely not. Pat recognizes that and quickly shifts the focus of the conversation away from Jeng, asking his mother about a doctor’s appointment she is supposed to be getting to.
Another outfit, and another day has passed. Pat is staring at the stuffed tiger that he got on his furniture -date- shopping trip with Jeng. A stuffed animal that he has been using as a replacement for the shark stuffed animal that he had when he was with Put and that Put has used to manipulate Pat into talking to him and into considering re-entering into a relationship with him. This tiger here is serving as both a reminder of Put, the fact that Pat was unable to love Put because of his feelings for Jeng, and as a reminder of Jeng, whose sexuality, level of availability, and messy HR potentiality are all front and center in Pat’s mind. So he hides the tiger away in a drawer where he doesn’t have to look at it, so that he isn’t faced with a constant reminder of the personal crises in his life, because he is young, and his parents are here, and he’s never experienced this particular combination of emotions before, and to talk to his parents about his dilemma he would have to explain this situation to his parents and I don’t think Pat believes he can talk to anyone about it. Because all of his friends besides Ae are friends from work, Jaab is Jeng’s brother, Jen and Jaab are going through it and Jen is quitting, Kanon was on the production team and Kanon is married to Ae so whatever Pat says to Ae may get back to Kanon pretty quickly. Chot is fully incorporated into the office life and is fully aware of what is going on (and in fact may think Pat and Jeng are much further ahead in their relationship than they are) but Pat thinks he’s being sly about his feelings for Jeng, and Chot being directly in the office rather than on an outside production team is not going to be a draw to talking about his feelings for his boss.
Meanwhile, Jeng is approaching the other queer in the office to ask if Chot has seen Pat cause he hasn’t been in the office in a few days and realizes that Pat is taking days off without even
notifying him. Readers, I do not need to show you Chot’s face throughout all of this. Chot is 150% convinced that Jeng and Pat are in the middle of a lover’s quarrel. I need a Chot live reaction to finding out that Pat and Jeng haven’t fucked yet, and a gravestone for Chot when he learns that Pat thought Jeng was straight.
Alright, so, Jeng is in his sad boy hours clearly pining after Pat in the office in front of Chot, but pushes that all back down in order to perform his necessary duties as a boss. Jeng too, is trying to keep control of his emotions, but will end up losing his grip of them and having an utter break down.
But this is not about Jeng, this is about Pat
Pat’s Mom is here, but she’s settled in, and Pat’s off work, so maybe now he has time to try to process some of his emotions?
Nope! Dad appears!
And what? Another surprise! Another parent coming to stay at his house without warning, and for what reason?
…
Oh.
Oh shit.
Pat has completely lost track of the passage of time. Which hey, works for Ae going from 0 to 30 weeks out of nowhere. Why does his Dad come to Thailand around this time every year?
It’s almost Pat’s birthday, and Pat has completely forgotten. This man has been juggling all of his work, a ton of his coworkers assignments, MLM schemes (the only mlm Pat is interested in is…nevermind), the Forge project, The Forge commercial shoot, leading the commercial shoot, his relationship with Put, his breakup with Put, navigating remaining professional in a workspace with his recent ex when emotions are still raw, and his mounting feelings for actually gay actually single hot boss man. On top of that, Pat is living alone, surviving off of ramen noodles, and (iirc) waiting to see if he makes it past the probationary period and is actually going to be allowed to stay on as an employee when that window is over. Jen is an adult, and not one Pat knows very well, Chot has his shit together and is engaged, Ae and Kanon are adults, married, and soon-to-be-parents, and Jaab is his age but is just as much if not more of a hot mess than Pat is. Pat gets convinced to go on that restaurant tour by Ae and their other friend, but those two are straight and therefore will not get what Pat is spiraling about after finding out Jeng is gay. So where can Pat go? Who can he turn to for advice? Who is going to have the time and the understanding and the patience to help him navigate all of these rising pressures?
Well, we get a good indication, of where that is heading because Pat’s dad takes one look at Pat’s utter shock at realizing that he has forgotten his own birthday and states:
Life must be pretty hard lately. His father is in the know, he’s gettin’ wise, gettin’ with it. It’s a great dynamic of Pat pretending to be fine for the sake of his mother, and then having no ability to hide from his father because the initial shock of the realization meant he wasn’t able to mask his emotional state.
He burns his ramen noodles, his father cooks for him. Gives him vegetables. Calls it like it is in Pat’s life even though he doesn’t have the full context.
Pat returns to work, and Chot starts doing his gay fairy godmother deal, vague-posting about what he thinks Pat’s problem is through the lens of his own issues. He knows Pat is young, and Pat is coming out of a relationship, and that Pat does not have a lot of guidance on the whole Being Gay in Thailand thing, despite being pretty comfortable in his sexuality and navigating his relationship with Put pretty maturely, if we’re honest. Chot is reaching out, Chot is extending the hand, Chot is trying to turn the tide of their relationship from just work friends to friends who can rely on one another in their personal life.
Now, Pat has been dissociating for the entire conversation thus far, because realizing he has forgotten his birthday because he’s been so caught up in everything has started his death spiral. When Jeng came out he tripped into it and was gripping at the edge of his remaining sanity by trying to give himself time and space to work through his emotions, but the arrival of his father and the understanding that he has not been thinking about himself for however long is what starts this final (and ultimately unsuccessful) attempt at managing his emotional state.
But Chot’s admission that being gay is hard for Krit, snaps Pat out of it a little bit, and we get Pat’s “At least he’s straightforward with showing you that he loves you” and now…Pat has not been paying a whole lot of attention to what Chot was saying, so this is either Pat being very good at processing information while dissociating, and/or Pat picking up on the part of the story that is most relevant to him and attaching his own frustrations with his current situation to it.
“At least he is straightforward with showing you that he loves you”
Okay, so let’s explore who this is about. That’s right. It’s about literally every possible romantic pursuit of his in the last few weeks/months. Put, MLM guy, and Jeng.
On the Put end of things, Put left Pat two years prior, valuing his job over his relationship with Pat while simultaneously struggling with his own queerness. When Pat and Put get back together, Pat pours his whole heart and soul into trying to make the relationship work. Because he needs it to work. Because he’s in love with his boss and he can’t be in love with his boss because that way madness (and job loss) lies. We do see moments of them being lovey-dovey, we see moments of flirtation, but the show is extremely intentional about showing that Pat and Put’s relationship is not a happy one. Put ignores Pat over dinner, that dinner scene where Put is mostly focused on his cellphone is dimly and cooly lit, with the tiniest smidge of warmth behind Pat and nothing anywhere close to Put.
They make out in a hotel and Pat asks if Put likes him, and Put does not give him an answer, he just flips the question back around on Pat. Pat doesn’t answer either, not at first, he just kisses Put, and then realizes that it doesn’t feel the way it used to, and whatever feelings he may have had for Put before are no longer there. Because he is in love with his boss. So he leaves Put and goes to the party to seek out the person he wants to be around/with. When Pat breaks up with Put he calls him out on his attempts to manipulate him. So Pat is sad about the break up, sure, and he is allowed to be. But he is also reconciling here with the fact that Put never showed interest in him, unless and until Pat was threatening to leave.
Then we get MLM guy, who is very forward in his interest with Pat. Pat is picking up what MLM guy is putting down (he thinks), and gets all excited about the prospect of having another Hot Tall Boi to channel his energy into so that he isn’t left to think about Jeng or Put’s return to Thailand. Pat is excited for the “date” and is devastated when it turns out this man wasn’t interested in him at all, he just wants him to join a multilevel marketing scheme. After which Pat is harassed at work and hounded by this man until he is literally threatened. So now Pat has to grapple also with the knowledge that the one person who seemed to be obviously, openly interested in him, was just using those emotions to get something out of him. Yet another manipulation.
On the Jeng end of things, Jeng is forced to be subtle about his love for Pat by nature of the power imbalance inherent in a boss and employee relationship. Jeng has been intentionally engineering his romantic advances to have as much plausible deniability as possible. Which means, Pat, thinking that Jeng is straight, has not picked up on them. Or rather has convinced himself that Jeng wasn’t being intentional about making moves. If Jeng had been more obvious, had pursued him the way that Pat is used to being pursued, that is, more explicitly, if Jeng had even been more obviously queer, then Pat would have known immediately. But Pat has a luxury that Jeng and even Put do not, which is that him being clockable will not ruin his whole life the way that Put and Jeng as famous, prominent people would run the gauntlet if that information were to get out. Put says it himself in Episode 8: “A famous person like you might not be able to come out a lot, right?”
Jeng isn’t clockable as queer to the average person, and as Pat has been actively trying not to read into things, and has been trying to rein in his own horniness for Jeng, Jeng isn’t clockable to him either. SO…all of this to say that Pat feels that Put was not straightforward with their love, and that Jeng has been disguising all of his attempts at wooing Pat under a safety blanket of work. So Pat is feeling primarily hurt, lied to, and betrayed.
So, what we end up getting with Jeng is…manipulation. He has manipulated every situation to get Pat and him alone together, while at the same time not clueing Pat in to the fact that is what he was doing. While additionally not clueing Pat in to the fact he is gay. While also not clueing Pat into the fact that he’s Jaab’s brother until Pat literally walks into the middle of an interaction between Jaab and Jeng. While also not initially clueing Pat in to the fact he is Pat’s boss even after Jeng realized.
The past two people that Pat has been interested in have manipulated him over and over again.
His coworkers have manipulated him over and over again.
How else is Pat supposed to see Jeng not being explicit about his feelings? He’s being manipulated once again by Jeng not saying anything.
Chot lets Pat know that he can talk to him about anything, and Pat says “it’s ok, it’ll pass”.
Why is that relevant? CAUSE OF PARALLELS THAT COME LATER.
Anyway, Pat is giving an explicit invitation to talk about his feelings, and he brushes it off. Because Chot is an office friend in his office where his boss who he is having feelings about works, and Pat is very much oblivious to the fact that any gay within a 20 mile radius can see what is going on between Pat and Jeng. So he thinks he can’t be honest. Because that puts him and Jeng both in a sticky situation.
So he puts on a brave face, because he thinks that he can, because Jeng isn’t supposed to be in the office today. Because Chot told Pat that Jeng was out and Chot was covering. (Yet another reason why Pat may not want to talk to Chot about Jeng, Chot is literally acting as his boss right now). Because the thoughts Pat is having, the feelings that he is having, they are manageable so long as Pat does not have to face Jeng…
Except Jeng appears. On a day that he is most definitely not supposed to be here. They are at working, they are at work. Jeng does exactly what Pat has just indirectly told Chot he wishes someone would do.
He pulls a “boyfriend” and gives his jacket to his freezing love interest.
Now, is this something Jeng would do in the office? I fucking hope not. But currently, Jeng and Pat are sitting in the back of a dark room, with literally all the other queer people in the office. This is a safe space, this is a shelter. It’s why and how Jeng and Pat’s closeness has progressed in the most recent episodes. Because they have been away from the physical office space, around the straight and sometimes homophobic coworkers, and instead, on set with literally every gay boy known to Man. Jeng knows Chot knows, Jeng knows Jaab knows, having realized that Pat had no idea that he was gay, Jeng has decided he has been approaching things wrong, and gets bolder.
But, Pat has a) still not processed everything, b) is still oblivious to the fact that everyone around him knows exactly what is happening, c) is in the office, and d) is in the office with JENG who Pat was explicitly told would not be there. So you can imagine the stress he is under, and you can imagine with his track-record of manipulative men, that he is thinking very much that Jeng is playing with his emotions.
Because Jeng is playing with his emotions. Not intentionally. But Pat himself has never experienced this particular set of challenges before and Jeng is always on the brain. Pat’s emotional state is out of whack and it is at least 50% Jeng’s fault. Pat, again very maturely, hands that token of affection off to Chot, so that it will seem like nothing. So that it will read as nothing to anyone around him. Because Pat doesn’t know that they know.
Pat, who has still not had the opportunity to get the time and space that he needs from Jeng, because his parents are in town on an extended stay, because he had to go back to work eventually, because Jeng is now right there, once again does the mature thing, and walks away from the situation. He makes space.
Jeng follows after him, which again, makes it extremely obvious that Jeng is acting inappropriately close to Pat. But Jeng knows everyone in the room knows, which is why he can get away with it. But Pat just wants to be alone and Jeng is not letting him.
They retreat to an isolated corner. Where they have one of the juiciest conversations to date:
Jeng: “Did I make you uncomfortable in any way?’
Pat: “No, I’m just tired,”
Jeng: “Is it my fault?”
Pat: “No,”
Jeng: “I’m sorry”
Pat: “Why are you saying sorry to me, when I said it wasn’t your fault?”
Jeng: “You didn’t answer my text, ever since that day”
Pat: “Mr. Jeng, could you stop texting me? If it’s not work related. Don’t invite me to go eat. Don’t drop me off at home.”
And Pat says all of this without making eye contact with Jeng. When he finally does look up? He can see how devastated Jeng looks.
It confuses him in fact, to see this strong of an emotional reaction to Pat drawing these boundaries. Because, while Pat has not explicitly stated this yet, he thinks Jeng is fucking with him. This reaction is running very counter to what Pat is anticipating from this conversation.
So he has to say something else to fill the silence, and to soften the blow:
“Uh…I want to thank you. Thank you for everything. But please don’t do it again. Especially in front of everyone.”
“I can’t say no.”
And I take this two ways coming from Pat. First that Jeng being his boss puts Pat in the terrible situation of potentially not feeling comfortable saying no to Jeng. Because Jeng has power over Pat, even though we all know (or I at least hope based on this entire show so far) that Jeng is not the type of person that would take a personal vendetta out on Pat for rejecting his advances in the office”
Which is why I want to take a secondary lens to this conversation, and read that “I can’t say no” line as a double entendre. Jeng has let Pat know he is gay, Pat has placed all of their interactions into the context of that new information, Pat has realized that Jeng has been pursuing him this whole time. Pat realizes there may be reciprocated feelings involved. Pat tells Chot indirectly that he wants someone to be straightforward in their love. Jeng gives him the jacket. Pat has now been offered a much more clear admission from Jeng about his interest. Pat has feelings for Jeng. Pat has very strong feelings for Jeng. Pat hangs off of Jeng at every given opportunity the second he is out of his head. If Jeng pursues him, if Jeng is genuinely interested in him, if these feelings he has are reciprocated, and Jeng does not give Pat space. Pat will give in to his feelings and they will start an incredibly inappropriate workplace relationship.
Pat can’t say no because Jeng is his boss, and Pat can’t say no because he’s been DTF from the moment he laid his eyes on Jeng.
And again, I argue that Pat has actually been navigating this entire situation incredibly maturely. He removes himself from situations where he may be seen engaging in inappropriate workplace relations, and sets firm boundaries around what type of contact he and Jeng can have.
Pat tries to leave, Jeng pulls him back, wraps him in a hug, and does the thing Pat wishes people would do and is straightforward in his love for Pat:
Gif from @bellepark
Now here is where shit gets fun (read: terrible) for Pat emotionally. Because, ya know, he hasn’t already been dealing with enough shit. Pat sees Jeng: handsome, rich, successful, talented and cannot possibly fathom a reality where Jeng is actually in to him, a 25 year old in his first job, no wealth, no successful business ventures, who is feeling very much like the is untalented because of Chris’ mom on the commercial set. Jeng is everything, Jeng has everything, what could Pat possibly offer?
Gif from @bellepark
It legitimately does not compute. It is far, far simpler for Pat to assume that Jeng is fucking with him, toying with his emotions, possibly even trying to get Pat to admit to feelings so he can turn around and have him fired.
And If it is true that Jeng likes him, then how much has Jeng’s crush impacted his ability to accurately critique Pat? Was Pat only told that he was doing a good job by Jeng because Jeng had a crush? Was Pat given the commercial spot because Jeng had a crush? Is Pat even good at anything or does Jeng just want to fuck him and is therefore elevating his positions in order to leverage Pat’s growing importance to get Pat to do what he wants?
Pat has spent too much time lately being manipulated and being bullied and that is where he is coming from in his interaction with Jeng here. He is young, he does not understand what Jeng could possibly, legitimately want in a relationship with him, and if he lets himself believe that it makes sense for them to be together, then he will not be able to stop himself from getting in to a very dicey HR situation.
Jeng goes home, has a #hotgirlmeltdown and this is where I bring up the parallel that Pat told Chot “It’ll pass” and unfortunately for me Gaga has made it so that when I screenshot I get a black screen so I can’t capture the translation there. But I will just write it down:
“I can handle it…I think I can…I’m fine,”
It reminds me of Pat saying “it’s okay, it’ll pass”
Both of them are lying, but Pat was detached from his feelings when he lied whereas Jeng is consumed by his.
But this is not about Jeng, this is about Pat so we are gonna cut to Jen’s going away party.
Pat is wearing the same outfit as when Jeng confessed and Pat rejected Jeng so we know that Pat is coming in to this party riding a massive emotional wave, and trying to temper that storm. Because he doesn’t have time to process that right now, because this is Jen’s party, and because Ae sees Jen sulking and hands Pat the responsibility of talking with him:
Pat is gonna have to compartmentalize whatever feelings he is having to go handle Jen’s emotional state.
The significant beats I picked up on in this conversation with Jen are the following:
Pat saying he wished he had a home in another province to go back to
Jen saying it is a safe zone for him
Pat having the reality of being able to run away from his problems immediately crushed by Jen saying that he cannot pursue his dreams back home because everything is in Bangkok
Pat having the reality of being able to run away from his problems crushed again when Jen says “Well, everything is here and look at how bad it is”
Jen brushes off his own feelings and asks Pat how he is doing, and here is the crucial part. Huge shout out to @lurkingshan for pointing this out in a conversation we had last night. Jen is quitting. Jen is no longer a coworker to Pat. Pat has someone who is gay, who is no longer going to be involved in company business, and who is moving home to another province and therefore Pat can feel comfortable being honest because Jen is about to become very detached from his world.
“I don’t know, I’m very confused,” Pat says. And this is the first time he has voiced an emotion since he told Jeng he was sad about his break up with Put.
“Is it Mr. Jeng?”
Pat has his shit rocked by Jen asking him about Jeng so casually, like it is no big deal, like he is In The Know. Pat has really been operating under the assumption that no one could tell he had a crush on Jeng.
“These two brothers are the same” Jen gets it. Jen is telling Pat he gets it, and he’s telling Pat that neither Jeng nor Pat have been slick.
“I don’t know, it’s like he’s playing with my feelings,”
And I know this line may be a point of confusion for some people, because we know that Jeng is being sincere. We know, as an audience, how much of a fucking simp Jeng is for Pat. Jeng would crawl on his hands and knees for Pat. Jeng would almost certainly renounce his family and his title and his wealth for Pat. And if we didn’t get that from the last eight episodes, we are explicitly told how much Jeng likes Pat immediately before this scene. Pat consumed every waking thought in Jeng’s head. WE know this. Pat does not.
Pat thinks Jeng is playing with his feelings because of what I outline earlier re: all the manipulation Pat has been through recently with MLM guy, with Put, and with the situations Jeng has manipulated to get them alone together.
Pat believes Jeng is too good to be true, because he’s moved past the stage in the office job where he was so burnt out, stressed out, and exploited that every piece of constructive criticism felt like a personal attack. Pat isn’t angry at his workplace anymore, and therefore isn’t channeling his rage at Jeng anymore, and therefore isn’t focusing on Jeng’s flaws anymore, and as a result thinks Jeng reciprocating Pat’s feelings is too good to be true. Also because Pat doesn’t trust himself. Pat doesn’t see the parts of himself that Jeng sees. Pat doesn’t know why Jeng would like hin because Pat doesn’t understand the ways in which Pat brings life and joy and play in to Jeng’s otherwise extremely serious, almost entirely work-related life.
But Jen will not let Pat have that. Jen is older, Jen is wiser, Jen is an outside, relatively neutral third party where Pat and Jeng are concerned (Jaab is a whole ‘nother story). Jen can understand where and how Jeng and Pat are good for each other, and as a result he is quick to tell Pat not to sell himself short.
And he gives one of the most important pieces of advice that he can give to Pat is that if Jeng truly likes him, he’d find a way to tell Pat.
This singular piece of advice is going to save their relationship I tell you.
Whatever hope, whatever resolve that Pat has to navigate this storm. To figure out if Jeng actually likes him, if Jeng will do something that convinces Pat that he’s serious is crushed the instant Chot tells Pat that Jeng resigned.
Now, those of us in the workforce should be screaming “FUCK YEAH!” because Jeng is taking the responsible adult route by stepping away from his role as boss. Which, if Pat and Jeng were to get together would eliminate any conflict of interest, and if Pat and Jeng weren’t to get together would eliminate any fears Pat would have about Jeng a) harassing him b) firing him or c) retaliating for Pat’s previous rejection.
But…to Pat?! Well, he’s just ruined Jeng’s life. Jeng quit his job, from the company that he built. Pat understands that between Jeng’s position and Pat’s position, Pat is by far the more replaceable of the two. This is Jeng’s family’s company. Pat has realized that he fucked up. Pat is realizing that Jeng is not overstepping boundaries because he is trying to harass Pat, but because he has genuine feelings because the second Pat said to keep it work-only Jeng up and fucking left so that Pat wouldn’t have to worry about seeing him around.
Pat is thinking, Pat is contemplating, Pat is dissociating, and as he goes to wander like a zombie back to his house at the end of the day, SURPRISE Happy Birthday, Pat! Mr. Jeng baked you a cake!
AND THIS IS A LOT TO PROCESS CONSIDERING THAT PAT FORGOT HIS OWN BIRTHDAY! But Jeng remembered, and Jeng made something for him. I would love to go on and on and on and on about the lighting in this scene, but this write up is, as usual, far far longer than I anticipated, and a lot of the lighting details were covered in this phenomenal post by @istanchan
So we are just gonna go with the major take away from this scene. The flame is ignited between Pat and Jeng, Jeng is out of focus, and when Pat blows out the candles, extinguishing the flame, Jeng comes in to focus. Pat is now forced to face his feelings about Jeng, in a way he has been desperately trying to suppress for however long of a time frame this episode covers.
Pat goes home, yet again dissociating because the second that he reattaches his consciousness to his body he knows its fucking over.
And at this point, Pat has exhausted all avenues. He tried to get over his initial crush on Jeng by dating Put, and realized that he was not actually interested in that relationship. He tried to give himself distance and time to process his emotions immediately following the coming out incident, and was interrupted by his mother, he tried to brush off his feelings in the hope that they would pass, he returned to work and tried to get back into the groove of things under the safe assumption that Jeng would not be there, only to have Jeng show up. He asked Jeng to keep their interactions work related only to have Jeng hug him and tell him he really likes him, he started to have a conversation about his feelings with the only person who would understand, who is about to leave the province, and he maybe is feeling a bit better, and certainly more resolved. We can tell that also in the way that Pat approaches Jeng’s office after his talk with Jen, only to have the rug pulled out from under him with the update that Jeng has resigned.
He has tried and tried and tried to get over Jeng. He has tried and tried and tried to convince himself that Jeng can’t actually possibly like him back. This man has tried. And he can’t take it anymore. He sits down, his parents sing him happy birthday, they immediately pick up on the fact that Pat isn’t doing well, and they ask the fateful question:
And this is the first time Pat has really had to sit and process everything. This is the point where he settles down, both exhausted and having exhausted all other options…and everything hits at once.
“This is the year I forgot my own birthday” my life has been so busy and chaotic I have fully lost track of time (starting a new job, being exploited at new job, getting new boss, getting micromanaged by new boss, being hate crimed at work by my coworkers, best friend gets pregnant, working to get Forge client secured, trying to do 90% of the labor in a one sided relationship with Put, filming Forge commercial and trying to convince the Forge people that he is competent)
“I even forgot that you’d come back to see me every year,” I am a bad child for forgetting my parents would come to visit.
“It’s like I focused on everything except myself,” I have been avoiding my own feelings and focusing on others (i have been suppressing my feelings for Jeng, I have been trying to put those feelings elsewhere, I poured all my energy in to work and in to the MLM guy and in to Put)
“But I don’t know how to deal with this feeling,” I have tried fucking everything I know to manage my emotional state, which I know is already a weak spot of mine and something I am actively working on and nothing I have tried has brought me even remotely close to working through these emotions.
His parents immediately jump in to help, but the problem is Pat without context is not making a ton of sense, and the only thing they really have to latch on to is “I don’t know how to deal with this feeling” and his parents give him a hard truth.
“You can’t escape anywhere.”
It was something that Pat started to realize in his conversation with Jen, when he told Jen he wished he had a house to escape to, and Jen reminded him that he could have no dreams there. But Jen is heartbroken and fleeing from the bad things in his life, so it hits a little different when Pat’s parents, who he loves, who seem to generally have their lives together, who are divorced but still clearly get along, who love and care for one another despite no longer being married, and who are emotionally very mature, and shining examples to Pat of how to navigate emotional turmoil look right at him and say “you can’t escape this feeling,”
And Pat has a breakdown.
Which, in my opinion, makes complete and total sense and is incredibly justified considering everything that he has been through in recent months. Everything that he has been trying to navigate and manage while he is alone in another country, away from his family, with no friends to talk to because of the ways they are connected to him.
And doesn’t it just suck that you finally have the people who have supported you all your life look right at you and be unable to do anything but hold you through your tears. Physically he has support, but there is no way out of these emotions but through them.
This is the release, and he still has a lot of shit to sort out, but he’s had a good cry and he’s ready to press on. He goes shopping with Ae, and while he does still seem distracted, he is doing better, he is participating in conversation rather than fully dissociating, he is teasing her (“can i have that cake?”) so he is moving more towards a point of equilibrium. Ae has her baby, makes him an uncle, and that is enough to shake Pat out of the depression spiral he has been in because look at the amazing miracle of life he has just witnessed.
He returns home from another chaotic and exhausting evening (helping his bestie deliver her baby on the back of a bus #casual) and finds a package waiting for him.
An incredibly well utilized in-universe ad, of a snack Pat mentioned he liked once, in passing, months ago to Jeng. Jeng has always paid attention to Pat, and I don’t know how much attention Pat has allowed himself to pay to Jeng that would get him to realize that. It’s the aspect of this whole thing that Pat has not been ready or willing to acknowledge. Because the second he realizes that Jeng is gay, the depth of Jeng’s engagement and focus on Pat becomes a lot more clear.
Pat find the happy birthday note from Jeng and collapses on to the bed surrounded by the snacks to think about things.
To think, in particular, about what Jen said about Jeng finding ways to show he cares if he is serious.
It cuts to Jeng, who is being driven to the brink of madness, who has been trying to maintain distance, but needs more than life itself to let Pat know that he is serious. It has been days, days at least since he has last spoken to Pat, and he cannot stop thinking about the final thing Pat said to him “Why do you like me, it doesn’t make sense,”
Jeng sends this message
And the episode ends before we see Pat get that text. I am very excited to see his reaction when he reads that, surrounded by wasabi peas.
Now, maybe I am way way overanalyzing all of this because I will always come to Pat’s defense, maybe I am trying to convince people that if you just follow the lines and the lights and the body language everything you need to understand Pat is right there because there are so many parts of Pat that live in me, (though many that don’t), maybe I am blind to where the gaps in this episode rest when it comes to how they wrote Pat’s story, but I didn’t need more explicitly stated moments for Pat leading up to this breakdown because, well…
It makes sense to me.
(thank you to anyone who made it to the end, I recognize this is a long post even for me, haha oopsie. I would be unsurprised if I hit 10 hours total of work on this post between screen-shotting, double checking scenes, and writing it)
#step by step#step by step the series#step by step analysis post#step by step meta#step by step discussion#jengpat#manben#ben bunyapol#man trisanu#dee hup house#jeng x pat#gonna have to start getting an editor on my posts or something to tone them down#damn#at least y'all are well trained in reading lots of text a la fanfiction style#maybe i can fool you in to reading this whole thing
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f1 fic rec list
self indulgent! my personal masterlist of hits, also theres 25 of them... 25 days of fic christmas, an advent calendar perhaps!
turn back and return by @rudesses
“No! We are climbing together,” Charles says, because Charles is very generous. He likes to phrase it that way—together. They haven’t climbed together in years.
charles/alex mountaineering au, SUCH good characterisation, the universe is so full and it has this like. longing-not-going-for-it that makes me crazy. THEE chalex fic to me. it holds tension so well and really makes you feel nervous in the high adrenaline moments, and you can tell the care that charles and alex have for each other, and their well established relationship immediately as the fic starts, which i think is so well communicated in so little time!
phantoms and pencil marks by cazio
Pierre woke to a boy sitting next to his bed. Amnesia AU
pierre/charles, amnesia au where pierres been in a accident and has severe amnesia, its written so well from his perspective you can feel his confusion the whole time and its amazing piarles but also a standout character study of pierre it has so many painful moments, i love how pierre he... is meeting charles again and again, but warped and you can see how painful it is for everyone. so so so good. it takes everything i love about amnesia fics and elevates it
Second Star to the Right by @gufettogrigio
It is stupid of Nico to even give Lewis the chance to notice.
The hot water kettle is just a bit too heavy at breakfast one morning and Nico loses his grip. Lewis is next to him at the buffet table of the hotel and catches it out of reflex; Nico knows better than to think it’s kindness. He stares at where Nico’s fingers are still refusing to cooperate.
"What happened to your hand?"
"Nerves" - Nico answers with a shrug, glad for the double meaning in the English phrasing.
It's up to Lewis how he wants to interpret it; Nico didn't lie.
nico rosberg/lewis hamilton but also jenson button/nico rosberg but separately, there are alternate endings.
SOO so so iconic, i have reread this multiple times. mind the tags, but it's an incredible nico character study, everyone in this is amazing but especially toto, this line: [Toto laughs, kindly. “You are my World Champion and I’ve only got two of those. I am invested in your continued survival. Always.”] it is everything to me. nicos mentality about himself, his feelings about racing, about the championship, about lewis. wow!
provenance by ecorone
At the end of the world, art curator Lewis Hamilton finds his way back to the artist called no5.
lewis/sebastian, genuinely like. an incredible work of art fic. it's an apocalypse - non driver - surreal fic. its setting is if the end of the world dinosaur times were happening now, and what to do with all your regrets, and follows lewis as the main character. it has so much depth to it, the writing style itself is incredible. the characterisations, the philosophies, the EVERYTHING. i left an insane comment on it just so i could spill my thoughts out better and i can't do it a second time hahaha but i would so so so highly recommend reading, to be honest even if sewis is not your thing just because. imo it is so much more than just a fic about drivers. also read their other stuff bc i do not like lewis/max as a pairing but i will vouch for ecorones interpretation as being. THEE lewis/max thesis.
echo of the future by @tetrapod7
Lewis, once on the path of the Jedi and now in the midst of the Galactic Empire, learns of the chance to save ancient Jedi texts. Max, a stormtrooper, becomes smuggler Daniel Ricciardo's copilot. They too pursue the Jedi texts -- with the hope of selling them to the Empire.
Their stories collide at the Jedi Temple on Genbara. As the danger of an Imperial Star Fleet looms large, Max, Daniel, Lewis, Seb, and Jamie have to figure out what matters most to them, what they owe to each other, and devise a plan for an unavoidable space battle with the Empire -- a battle for their future and hopes.
lewis/sebastian max&daniel i will like. forever and always be a star wars guy x i read this in one sitting it made me feel insane everything about it is perfect, all of the storylines running at once then colliding. lewis in this especially is EXCEPTIONAL, r0s-c0 made me laugh so hard when i read it. droids 4eva! the particular sw verse this is is built up perfectly there are SO many details here and so much world building it makes me want to eat it. the entire atmosphere is quintissentially star wars, a mission running on hope and a few credits. amazing <3
in that iron ground by @lilyrizzy
"Maxy,” Daniel says and it sounds like he’s choking.
Max frowns, deeper. He crouches in front of Daniel, resting his hands on his bare thighs. Daniel is still only wearing the boxers and undershirt he went to sleep in. Nothing’s changed.
“Daniel, what is wrong?” Max repeats.
Daniel swallows. I don’t want things to change, he thinks again.
“My dad’s dead," he says.
Or Daniel takes Max home to Perth for a funeral.
max/daniel incredible scholarship on daniel and max, who they are to each other especially in daniels lowest moment, i love how it... it is the lowest point of daniel that we are seeing which brings out so much depth to his character, and who he is especially behind his like, media/character mask. the characterisation of daniels family, how he struggles to process the grief, the complexities around grief and the consistent running undertone of why-mine-and-not-yours surrounding max and daniels fathers. his internalised homophobia/fear of coming out. amazing
sixteen cadences for children in bloom by distressedgremlin
Pierre flips his cap around and marks it on his calendar: 2021, the year of living selfishly
pierre/charles SUCH A GOOD PIERRE. such a good pierre. he deserves to be selfish and to live selfishly. i think seeing him become so confident is so great in this fic and especially the narrative foils between him, daniil and yuki i love, how he evolves in those relationships, becoming a team leader, becoming someone who HE likes. also obsessed with distressedgremlin's sewis fics. so so so obsessed. the le mans fic is everything to me
constellation falling into place by wraysford
For some reason, the last part is what sticks in Nico’s head, you were quick, in that awed, painfully genuine tone of Lewis’, but, he hastily reminds himself, how fast or slow he was back then doesn’t matter anymore or, wherein Nico goes to university and Lewis races
nico/lewis HEARTBREAKING au to me. nico quits racing and lewis doesn't and they meet again. im obsessed with it as a nico character study and a look inside his strange little brain in this universe... its perfect. the underlying jealous and what-could-have-been in every scene, the way lewis is so. GENUINE about wanting to reconnect with him, it kills me.
tomorrow on every shore by @missyourflight
This season on Below Deck Sailing Yacht...
Six weeks. Nine charters. Lots of hot tub stuff.
*
“Is it not your colour?” Max says. The production team gave the whole crew new uniforms for this season, swapped their usual navy polos for something that apparently pops more on camera. It’s sort of peachy, not Max’s favourite, but it looks good on Daniel.
“Please,” Daniel scoffs. “Everything’s my colour.” He bumps his hip into Max. “You weren’t tempted to go with the skort option?”
Max bumps back, pretending to consider. “I thought about it, but it’s just not practical on deck, you know?”
“Guests are arriving,” Christian says, his smile tight, eyes fixed ahead. “Could we attempt to act like professionals, please?”
And then the guests are on the dock, and everyone puts on smiles to greet them, and it’s almost like a normal charter except for all the fucking cameras everywhere.
max/daniel, below deck au, i read this right after binging below deck med so obvs it was perfect. i love everyones characterisation especially christians. + yuki as the chef is perfect. i love the interview sections paired with whats happening in the fic bc its like... i love an unreliable perspective! fantastic au and they are so 3D fleshed out
striving for goodness while the cruel men win by @misonikomi
Lewis had been at a disadvantage.
Cruelty had never been bred into her; she had to learn it one piece at a time. When she first started karting, she had tried to blend in with the other kids, an impossible feat. There had been so much violence even then, in the way the kids looked at her, spoke to her, and touched her. She had to learn that violence as well, in order to win
lewis/sebastian, gender swap au, i think one of the first and only i read because i get a bit nervous about them, but incredible, incredible thesis material. the characterisations of lewis and charles and amazing, how they change and are the same as women. perfect narrative foils for each other. sebastian and lewis' relationship in this is fantastic, how lewis' past with nico has affected her into her relationship with seb but also with f1 in general. suzie is standout in this to me, the woman-woman relationships in general are perfect
december makes me quiet by @warriorbarnes
“Hallo?” he greets, and gets to his feet.
“There is a snow storm,” are the words he’s met with. He’s taken aback at first, the accented english not what he’d expected, and has to recalibrate his brain from german to english.
His brows knit together when he realizes who it is on the other end of the line. “Charles?” he asks.
or, right before Christmas, Seb gets an unexpected guest.
sebastian/charles, one of my favourite sebchal fics!!! i think it handles that line between awkwardness and getting to know each other so well. any sebchal fic that has charles being normal around sebastian is immediately inaccurate, we know his complexes! i love to read it... so comforting, being snowed in is THE premise!
lucky thirteen by @azzy421
Being the daughter of the most successful racing driver in the world (retired) comes with a lot of privilege and a few very notable downsides.
1. Dad is famous, and it makes people act weird around him and ask Ayla weird things, like what he eats for breakfast or what deodorant he uses.
2. Sometimes he gets talked into going to Germany for the summer to talk about engines and aerodynamics with Uncle Toto’s team for months on end. And this is only really annoying because -
3. He never, ever wants to talk about racing with Ayla.
Ayla, head over heels in love with the world of Formula 1, is determined that she’s going to prove she has what it takes to start karting, even if it means going behind her dad’s back to do it. When she discovers that not only is there a girls-only karting group next to their temporary home in Germany but that it’s being run by four-time World Champion Sebastian Vettel (Ayla’s second-favourite driver of all time) (also retired), she is determined to seize the opportunity with both hands.
And, well. Her dad is lonely. Sebastian seems even lonelier. Solving that problem would be a nice bonus.
lewis/sebastian, i also usually never go for kid fics but this one intrigued me and it is SOOO good. seeing lewis through the lens of his kid, her passion for karting and especially his very, very real fear for her entering that world... so so so realistic and good. it has the exact right amount of self indulgence but also reality, i love seeing the 'future of f1' with mick, lando and george, and how lewis to ayla is still first and foremost her dad. sebastian in this is incredible but also this cannot be prophetic because if he did become an f1 hermit it would make me so sad xx
how to get it, how to live it by grandsprix
Alex wants to say no, because - well, because his ex was a closet case, and Charles is the kind of beautiful Alex is going to feel insecure about, and he has half a tub of strawberry cheesecake Haagen Daaz and a rental of Dune waiting for him at home after his shift, and is that worth giving up to give some French twink a blowjob in the staff bathroom?
or, Alex works in a gay bar in Soho, and Charles is lost.
alex/charles, obviously love every grandprix chalex fic, but this is my favourite! i am so charmed and in love with charles' characterisation here, his clumsy confidence and how he is immediately offended by alex not wanting to have sex-sex with him haha also alex's like... slow sense of impending doom at becoming closer to him. perfect
come on, starboy by @yekoc
Daniel’s just slinging his bag over his shoulder to head out to the parking lot when there’s a noise behind him, the hollow metallic echo of a locker door slamming. Turning, he sees that kid. Max. The running back who always fumbles.
He’s standing in front of the locker he just slammed, muscles tense. His too-big mouth is drawn into a flat line. He has his phone in his hand: he looks at it, puts it in his pocket, and grinds his fist against the bank of lockers in front of him.
“Hey,” Daniel says, because he feels creepy now, just looking.
The kid looks up at him, startled.
“Oh,” he says. “Hi.”
max/daniel, obviously like anyone reading this list will have read this or if you haven't you should?? max and daniel are perfect in this actually perfect. it has that... stuck in a small town that you are outgrowing but will you ever be able to stretch. standout to me: the spectre of max's dad. we hardly see him properly but you can tell the impact he is having on max, and by extent on daniel. this is also possibly my favourite lewis, second only to new wave (new emotion). the way he steals the show for me in every scene he is in, his college aspirations, fears for the future, wanting to gone beyond the simplistic perceptions of him... amazing. number 2 yekoc favourite is glory from a high rise but i am only reccing one per author strictly to not make this list insane
the heartbeat is a hunger by @thelittlebirdthatkeptsomanywarm
2019 FORMULA ONE SPORTING REGULATIONS
Art. 34: BONDING
Teams are required to register all bonds between drivers with the FIA at the beginning of each season. New bonds must be formally recognized through a bonding ceremony under supervision of at least one FIA representative [...].
Art. 34.1 [added on 1.01.1993]
Bonds between drivers competing for different teams are prohibited.
I'm so unused to being - well, understood perhaps.
- Vladimir Nabokov's first letter to his future wife, Véra
lewis/sebastian, lewis/nico, SUCH a good bonding au... a really interesting look into how dystopian something like this could get, and i think a realistic look into how sports is constantly pushing us to the limit so if there were more ways to do so.... they absolutely would take advantage? lewis and nico's relationship is so interesting here, and seb as the trope inversion is SOOO. it is so well executed.
new wave (new emotion) by nothoughtsjustvibes
In which Max realizes he’s in love with Daniel and flies to Colorado to make it Lewis’s problem. Lewis just wants him to leave – preferably on a plane to Australia.
max/daniel lewis&max, my favourite lewis. ever!!!!!! max in this is STELLAR as well, their relationship is so so funny and so well balanced, i mostly love how... lewis deals with AD21 mentally in this? and how he's like urgh max is here? i will be nice. to hey. max is pretty cool :) in a very organic sense and also lewis being a mentor figure when i have 2022 lh superimposed over 2008-2016 menace lh in my mind is very funny. lewis micromanaging max's problems to fix them is my favourite thing, also every small interaction with charles in here is brilliant.
crude generalisations and vulgar simplifications by @janinaduszejko
Alex remembers attending his first Cabinet meeting - he’d been awed by the imposant room, the history this place held, where wars had been declared, disasters averted and ensured, with its stately inner ring of ministers, surrounded by the bustling outer ring filled with their advisors and assistants. The gratitude he had felt in that moment, being a part of the centre of it all, the place where power housed. Almost six hours later, he’d stumbled out of the stuffy room with George at his side, eyes wide with commiseration as he’d led Alex through the narrow halls.
“These ministers.” Alex had said, a hollow look in his eyes. “Are they all-?”
“Afraid so.” George’s voice had been kind, but knowing, like he’d expected this and had grimly prepared himself.
“Halfwits.” Alex had moaned, as George had patted him on the back in sympathy. “Fools and idiots, every last one of them.”
george/alex, so so osos oso os good. i LOVE a political au i love intrigue i love stupidity i love jargon <3 and this baby has it all!!! i love any kind of misunderstanding/torment in a fic and in this one... alex u are so good at torment <3 george also coming up with the weirdest solution to their workplace romance is SO him. christian horner in this made me laugh a lot. this was i think the start of my galex downfall
steal the air out of my lungs (make me feel it) by @baking-soda
Max has never been so tired in his life. He can’t believe he’s going into call like this, that he couldn’t get to sleep last night. What an idiot.
“Hey,” Daniel says, sauntering into a work room balancing a green smoothie and two large coffees from the caf. He puts one in front of Max. “You ready to save lives, Maxy?”
max/daniel obviously like. titular maxiel material, but i read it again and often! i am not a med student by any means but ive done placements in hospitals + medsci papers and reading this was like. it is exactly the feeling! when ur in it and you are a cog in a very big machine made for helping people and it is the most exhausting thing you have ever done but the most fulfilling... max in this fic is so so so amazing. the dissonance between how he sees himself and everyone else around him sees him. scenes that stick with me: when hes going to text his dad about the intubation but then he deletes everything because he thinks it wasn't impressive even though he had just been riding high. and every scene where he comforts the rookies but he like.. doesn't even realise himself he's doing it. to him he is being normal. love <3
Invent us as we were (real tears, hard love) by diamondcrystalink
“Seb, aren't you freaked out?” Every human who doesn’t work with mimic engineering hates seeing mimics down to their components, it's said to ruin the illusion. Sebastian didn't even hesitate to help him.
“Why would I be? It's just you,” Sebastian replied without much thought, his concentration on shaping the lattice to the gash.
-
Charles is an android who should have had his memory wiped at the start of the season per regulation, Ferrari decided otherwise. Sebastian doesn't know.
sebastian/charles, android-au-i-love-you! illegal ferrari goings on i love you!!! i am forever and always a sci fi lover and this hits all the spots for me, the idea of charles as the golden boy of ferrari because he was literally made crafted and perfected by them, the ethics/philosophies of being an android (charles hating remembering that he is), the way it starts and ends with a dream as well, bookended perfectly. so so good
the alps by @grandprix-ao3
Yuki catches his first glance of Pierre somewhere without him in pre-season testing. He’s blue and pink, he’s glowing, a flat-brimmed cap with Alpine’s A emblazoned on it sitting backwards on his head. Pierre and his sunglasses, the microphones in his face, the questions, the novelty, the half-arrogant grins.
“He looks different in pink,” Liam remarks, halfway to a joke. Yuki hates it. It reminds him of all the distance between them, all the words he’s too scared—too late to say. There’s a gap between them, now. It's mountainous. It’s brutal.
yuki/pierre, this is one of my favourite all time yukierre fics so i couldn't not include it. every single thing about it is perfect, yuki struggling with his feelings, the way he and pierre are drawn to each other again and again. the struggle with what people seem to see so easily and making that real. ALL TIME!
cleaner better breed by @toastandvegemite
The lights inside the glass box turned on and Daniel saw the android for the first time. Something hooked in his chest.
“Did they have to make it look so real?” he murmured to Michael, turning his head slightly.
(RedBull builds a robot driver. They call it Max.)
max/daniel this had me on the edge of my seat the whole time, the idea already of technology displacing high risk/reward activities like sport is so fascinating combined with the fact that sports is such a political tool in terms of soft power, almost unmatched, so how to wield that soft power effectively with a robot? make him a bit human and likeable. all of daniels internal monologues feel so true to form throughout this fic, and the ending. AGH! catch! love this au
Everything I do, I'm gonna think of you by @misonikomi
Charles's eyes scan up and down his body, expression somewhat unimpressed. Seb takes inventory of himself. Nondescript jeans, gray Puma sneakers, plain gray t-shirt. Not much to look at, he admits.
Or: Charles is Bella Hadid, if Bella Hadid used to kart and was also a bit disillusioned with modeling, and Seb is still Seb.
sebastian/charles, SUCH A GOOD AU!!! i love fashion and i love f1... this is like a perfect in between. a really really good charles character study again i love taking the drivers out of their... natural habitats! and this as well, it doesn't shy away from how charles in this universe has lead to quitting karting, homophobia, gender etc. and sebastian is so unabashedly seb and them learning how to be together and charles gradually showing more of himself... the modelling world in this as well is so rich. its so good!!!
home (is wherever I'm with you) by actparci
On the drive back to the hotel Max had turned to him, blue eyes fierce and piercing.
“Promise me you won’t stop being angry. You’re angry because you know what you can do. Use it, control it, let it fuel you. Other people won’t understand but that doesn’t matter, you know what you’re capable of.”
You and me, he’d seemed to say, we’re the same.
Charles wonders now how he ever thought Max wouldn’t understand.
Or: Charles leaves Ferrari, tries to win a championship, and learns some things about belonging. All the while, Max is there
max/charles, i do not read much lestappen at all but this was amazing. charles moving to red bull and its done so well, because. i am a forza-ferrari-forza-charles guy forever but i am also addicted to alternate universes! all of the moments where there are differences between the teams, having the cheesy but so emotionally cathartic races and interactions and wins... its too good!
For the thrill of it all by @boxboxlewis
Charles unfolds from his headstand with cervine grace and stands up. “Geooooorge,” he says slowly. “George, George… George.” His eyebrows fly up, and he narrows his eyes at Alex. “Your friend who needs a place to stay for a few days, he is George? The George from your classes? That one? Posh George?”
george/alex, this is a series so technically cheating... essential george characterisations here! they are both so british (deeply derogatory) all of the dialogue is so perfect!!! i love their dynamic as flatmates, charles i love you but if i were flatting with him id kill him xx [If this were real, if they were dating, he wouldn’t fuck George, not tonight; he would draw it out, the anticipation, he would allow them the luxury of a long slow discovery. As it is he pulls back] my favourite line because alex is in every universe deluded. that boy loves you!
transmotion by heroics
Vettel's eyes fly to Lewis's, and he looks as shocked as Lewis feels. Then he grins. "You again."
"Me again," Lewis says. He's lived in Frankfurt nearly four years now, and the German feels clumsy on his tongue in a way it hasn't since those first few months.
sebastian/lewis, literally what can i say. football, fashion designer au. the sebastian in this fic is so well fleshed out, and i love how its the.. uncertainty of being between stages in life, and how they struggle as adults with their relationship. lewis having moments of unintentional cruelty that they have to pull apart, and sebastian the same, the perils of homophobia in sport. charles and pierre in this i love, when pierre and lewis talk about his fashion show. pierre is a lh fanboy in every universe!
okay. that's it! they are literally in no order and also so muddled i am so sorry. if you are on this list i am such a big fan of you and just want to show my appreciation xx
#fic rec#f1#chalex#sewis#maxiel#galex#yukierre#sebchal#brocedes#piarles#f1 rpf#cl16#sv5#aa23#mv33#dr3#gr63#yt22#pg10#lh44
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do you have any advice for dating for the first time in your twenties? im turning 23 soon and I've never dated before but I think I want to have dated at least one person before I turn 25. I'm not in any rush tho, I'm happy to focus on myself and my career in the mean time but I am open to having a relationship now, I just have no idea how to go about it.
This is a great time for you to have fun dating! You really just have to make yourself available for men to pursue you. I don’t know details about your life or how making yourself available would look like so that’s up to you to decide. I personally like to attend different events/places and I am not into the dating apps. Some people enjoy the apps and do both apps and events. It’s really up to you. Keep yourself your main focus while dating. Create a list of deal breakers and leave men at the first red flag and move on to the next. You can date multiple men at once which is what I recommend, but don’t sleep with them. I don’t know what your goals are or what you’re looking for so I can’t really give further advice without details. Since you’re new to dating you probably have yet to discover what you even like or don’t like so this is a time of exploration!
#hypergamous lifestyle#heaux advice#heaux tips#heauxheauxheaux#heauxlife#hypergamy#level up#spoiled heaux#spoiled gf#high maintenance
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God’s Judgment on the Ungodly
1 This letter comes from Jude, a servant of Jesus Christ, and James' brother. I am writing to those who are called and loved by God the Father, and who are kept safe by Jesus Christ: 2 May God's mercy, peace, and love increase in your experience!
3 My friends, I was already looking forward to writing to you about the salvation that we share. But now I need to write urgently to you and encourage you to vigorously defend the truth about God, given once and for all time to God's holy people. 4 For some people have quietly crept in among you. They were written about and condemned a long time ago, for they are wicked people who pervert God's grace, turning it into a license to immorality, while also denying our Lord and master Jesus Christ.
5 Even though you already know this, I want to remind you that though the Lord saved his people out of the land of Egypt, later he still destroyed those who disbelieved. 6 Even those angels that were not content with their God-given positions but abandoned their rightful places—he has placed them in eternal chains of darkness until the great Day of Judgment. 7 In just the same way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the towns nearby that pursued immorality and perverted sex are provided as an example of those that experience the punishment of eternal fire.
8 Likewise these dreamers pollute their bodies, disregard authority, and insult heavenly beings. 9 Even the archangel Michael, when he was arguing with the devil over Moses' body, didn't dare to condemn him with a slanderous insult, but said, “May the Lord rebuke you.” 10 But these people ridicule whatever they don't understand; and what they do understand they instinctively follow like unthinking animals—this is what destroys them. 11 They're in terrible trouble! For they have followed Cain's way. Like Balaam and his delusion, they have abandoned themselves to the profit motive. Like Korah and his rebellion, they have destroyed themselves. 12 These people spoil your fellowship meals, for they are selfish shepherds that don't have the slightest sense of shame—they only take care of themselves. They're clouds blown along by the wind that bring no rain. They're bare trees without fruit—twice dead, pulled out by the roots. 13 They're violent ocean waves, foaming in their own disgrace. They're false stars, doomed forever to utter darkness.
14 Enoch, seven generations on from Adam, spoke prophetically about these people: “Look! The Lord is coming, together with thousands and thousands of his holy ones 15 to judge everyone, to reveal all the wicked things people have done, and all the terrible things hostile sinners have said against him.” 16 Such people are grumblers, always complaining. They follow their own evil desires, speaking boastfully about themselves, and flattering others to get what they want.
17 But you, my dear friends, please remember what you were told by the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ. 18 They explained to you that in the last times mockers would come, following their own wicked desires. 19 They cause divisions; they are worldly people who don't have the Spirit.
20 But you, my friends, are to build yourselves up through your trust in God. Pray in the Holy Spirit, 21 keep yourselves safe in God's love, and wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ who brings eternal life. 22 Show kindness to those who doubt. 23 Save those you can by snatching them out of the fire. Show mercy—but with great care, hating even the “clothing” that is contaminated by sinful human nature.
24 Now to him who can keep you from falling,
and who can bring you into his glorious presence without fault, and with great joy,
25 to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, power, and authority, before all time, now, and forever.
Amen.
— Jude 1 | Free Bible Version (FBV)
The Free Bible Version is a project of Free Bible Ministry; Copyright © 2018, Free Bible Ministry. All rights reserved.
Cross References: Genesis 4:3; Genesis 5:18; Genesis 19:24; Exodus 12:51; Numbers 16:11; Deuteronomy 34:6; Psalm 31:18; Proverbs 25:14; Amos 4:11; Matthew 13:55; Luke 1:47; John 5:44; Acts 6:7; Acts 11:23; Acts 20:29; Romans 2:5; Romans 2:14; 1 Corinthians 2:14; 2 Corinthians 4:14; Galatians 6:6; Ephesians 6:18; Titus 2:13; Hebrews 2:3; 2 Peter 2:10; 2 Peter 2:17
#God's judgment#false teachers#distorting truth#sin#sinners#rebels#Jude 1#The Epistle of Jude#New Testament#FBV#Free Bible Version#Free Bible Ministry
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The Escape - Part 26
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17 - Part 18 - Part 19 - Part 20 - Part 21 - Part 22 - Part 23 - Part 24 - Part 25
After he ended this speech and the crew members were determined to not only escape Baroque works, but also fight them in case they would try to pursue you all again, Buggy stepped towards you, asking you to come to his cabin. You hoped he couldn't see from your face what you had been thinking the whole time.
The tension between you and Buggy was almost unbearable as he sat on his chair and you just stood with your back against his door. The sense of disconnection between the two of you lingered, and it seemed that every attempt to mend the relationship and create a healthier dynamic only served to reinforce its toxicity and strangeness. Each time you strove to bridge the gap and find common ground, one or both of you succumbed to the overwhelming power of emotions.
"How is your hand?" the captain asks, his voice pulling you back to the present moment. You shift your gaze towards your hand, which is still wrapped in bandages, a reminder of the injury you had inflicted on yourself amidst all the chaos.
“It is fine. I have forgotten that I actually had an injury.” You answer honestly.
He seems to be satisfied with this and nods.
“Thank you for coming out and rescuing me.”
“I could say the same, Captain.”
“May I ask now, why are the marines and Baroque works after you? I know we had this conversation before and you are somehow hesitant.. but I feel if I have a crew member on board where I am not the only one who considered her valuable I might have the right to know why others think the same,..”
"I believe the reasons why the Marines and an assassination syndicate find me intriguing might be quite different from what you perceive as valuable," you say, a playful tone lacing your words. Sensing an opportunity to lighten the mood, you decide to employ a flirtatious joke, taking a slow and deliberate step closer to the captain.
Buggy's eyes widen, caught off guard by your sudden approach. He quickly rises to his feet, his expression shifting from surprise to seriousness.
“Y/n. Please, just try to be honest here with me. Is this something you can share or shall I never ask again and just accept that I have a potential danger on board…?”
You sit down on his bed, the comfortable pillow and sheets push back against you, you crave for a comfortable sleeping place like this since your hammock is not the best place to get rest in.
“Sit down again and I will tell you.”, you breathe out heavily, looking into his deep green eyes, you want to feel these eyes on your forever and you want him to trust you and know more about you than anyone else. You feel ready to let him into your life. More than ever before.
Buggy listens, sitting down, his face full of anticipation.
“When I was still in Windmill village and Luffy was still small and innocent, I was 5 years older than him and already in trouble with the world government and the marines.”
Buggy just looks at you, he does not interrupt you now, giving you the time to share your story.
“In fact I was the leader of a rebellious army, nothing serious, just the things you do as a teenager when you are charismatic enough to gather some people around you and if you feel like you want to make a change.”
You cannot endure his gaze any longer and you rest your eyes on your own bandaged hand for a while.
“We were unhappy with the tax collector in Windmill village. I had started a peaceful protest and a campaign against him, although he was sent directly by the world government we thought he was taxing us too much, he came too frequently and the people who had less always had to pay more. It was just a way of terrorizing the oppressed and poor…”
You sigh again, it seemed like this had happened a long long time ago somewhere else, not in the world you lived in now.
“One of my fellow revolutionary members took the whole thing too seriously. I think he also wanted to impress me. His own family was especially affected by this, he was one of the poorest kids in the village and his frustration eventually turned into rage. One day he decided to kill the tax collector in our name and as I tried to stop him, I realized that his anger was beyond my control.”
You gaze at Buggy once more, your eyes filled with sincerity and earnestness.
"He waited for the collector at his house and killed him brutally with a knife. We later discovered that he was not only dispatched by the World Government, but he was also a high-ranking Marine general. Once I learned of this, the World Government began to pursue me as well, as I was the leader of the entire movement," you recount, your voice carrying the weight of the injustice that befell you.
Buggy, with his head slightly tilted, has been attentively listening to your narrative. Now he quickly interrupts you: "But was there no trial? Did they not realize that you were not responsible for these actions?"
You let out a slow, weary sigh. "No," you respond, your voice tinged with sadness. "This individual left a note in his house, claiming that I had inspired him to commit this heinous act. They couldn't find him. Some speculate that he fled on a ship the same day, while others believe he took his own life. Regardless, it does not matter to the World Government who will be punished. They simply require someone to blame, someone to execute."
The absence of a fair trial, the absence of an opportunity to prove your innocence, highlights the unforgiving nature of the World Government's pursuit. You and Buggy both understand the unyielding determination of those in power to find a scapegoat and impose their brand of justice.
Buggy gets up from his chair now, walking towards you and sitting down next to you on the bed. You can feel the warmth of his body, being so close to you you start to feel dizzy again.
“This is why I decided to become a pirate. If I am an outlaw and wanted anyway, then…”
Your voice breaks because Buggy has put his hand on your knees, a very innocent gesture. He did not want to interrupt you, but he also wanted to show his support.
Curiosity fills his eyes as he gently asks, "But if you're wanted, why have I never come across your wanted poster?"
You take a moment to steady yourself, feeling the closeness between you making it difficult to find the right words. With Buggy being so near, you muster the courage to respond, "Different name, different hairstyle." It's a brief explanation, but in this intimate space, it is enough to convey the lengths you've gone to conceal your true identity.
#one piece#buggytheclown#buggy the clown x reader#one piece buggy#buggy x reader#buggy x you#long fanfic#long reads#nanowrimo 2023
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have any of you read “Dancing Girl?” gosh, it just made me sad. Mori Ougai is a really good author haha, hahaha. hah… h-
.
..
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yeah i’m relating this to bsd! Mori. BITE ME!! ahem. so in this essay i will be talking about Elise and Mori’s relationship. i’ve already established i don’t see her as his “wife” or the object of his sexual desires, and i’ve also mentioned i like the “Elise is his daughter,” way of seeing things, however … well, there’s more than just that.
1) Elise represents his inner child
2) Elise preserves the memory of a dead lover and is his “partner”
3) Elise is a child-figure to him
those numbers will be reused in that order to mean the same thing later, but first, background and “Dancing Girl!”
so i think that, within the definition of his and Elise’s relationship, Mori embodies Toyotarou from “Dancing Girl” more than Kanei from “Vita Sexualis” (i think i learned which type of media went in italics and which sort in quotes some time in third grade, but it’s been entirely too long and therefore i’ve forgotten all of it and you’ll have to excuse my poor grammar if im messing it up). why, you may ask? well, first of all, Elise is literally from that novel. second of all, i’ve just skimmed vita sexualis (- an asexual) while “Dancing Girl” managed to catch my attention a lot more. plus, Mori was one of the characters that Asagiri explicitly stated he wanted to add in, and we all know just how evil Asagiri Kafka can be when he feels like it.
… why is the space so long ? why are these spaces different sizes?? this is really bugging me … but whatever, i’ll try my best to ignore it … (nevermind it looks perfectly normal when i post it i guess it’s just a. draft thing)
ahem, so, in “Dark Era,” Mori basically goes “damn Dazai you’re suicidal as hell! you remind me of myself hahah!” and i feel like that’s pretty concrete evidence Mori Did Not have a happy childhood (i mean, duh, considering he was trigger-happy to friendly fire as an important military man at 20 some years old) and was likely suicidal in the past too, to some extent. in that sense, the chains that tie Dazai down, if they’re Odasaku’s last words, are the Port Mafia for Mori. he cannot die as long as he’s sane and capable of leading the PM, because he’s basically the very embodiment of it.
⚠️SPOILERS FOR “DANCING GIRL!”⚠️
alright, onto “Dancing Girl.” i’ll give you a quick rundown. it’s basically about this college dude (25 or so) (haha that reminds me of the, “am i the asshole?” posts. i (M26) just fell in love with a girl (F18) of whom i’ve known since she was a minor and i was still an adult. i got her pregnant by some time after she became of-age, then i left her to pursue my career. am i the asshole?) (godamn it tai you just spoiled the whole novel) (i’ll put a spoiler warning up somewhere in the beginning) (bear with me) with depression who falls in love with a… looks at the parenthesis and sighs deeply.
he doesn’t see any point in anything because his life was just a glorified projection of his mother and school’s desires, so he starts being a little more hedonistic and learning about the arts instead of becoming a lawyer like they wanted him to. he meets Elise (her name) and basically immediately feels attracted to her in some way he can’t put into words (she’s 17ish when they meet btw) and starts teaching her things and basically acting like a sponsor to her. they don’t start getting romantic and/or sexual until some unsaid period of time passes. now i personally choose to interpret this as her turning 18 before they do all that stuff, but since it never explicitly says, well… yeah. Toyotarou is used to living his life in a cushy-ish manner as a child prodigy and what have you, but he eventually gives that away to live with Elise. that being said, his “giving it away” was less of a choice to be with her and more of a digression from a perfect machine into a person with his own stunted feelings.
she makes him satisfied, and he makes her very deeply happy, but eventually he chooses his career over her and she goes crazy because of how betrayed she feels- she really deeply loved him, after all. he pays her mother enough to keep her afloat and to take care of the baby he left in her stomach, and went back to Japan without another word. Toyotarou! you bastard!! (it’s not like he was without remorse, though)
anyway back to the numbers.
1) Mori’s past is pure speculation, but he was a military doctor ranked quite high as a very young man, one that didn’t hesitate to shoot someone on his own side no less (like i said) so it’s probably a given he didn’t have a stress-free childhood. this is an excerpt from “Dancing Girl,” in which i think explains the possibility that Elise represents the angry child inside of Mori that he never got to let out as a real child.
2) given what i said above, this also feels pretty self-explanatory. we basically only know two things about Mori, that he would do anything for the greater good (which is usually the PM/yokohama), and that he longs for a “partner” who will understand and not leave him. it’s possible Fukuzawa filled that role for a while, but Mori is a little unhinged and did some bad things out of obsession, which severed their ties because of Fukuzawa’s innate nature. Mori has called Elise his partner (tsuma, AKA person who stays by my side) (i know nobody says tsuma and means it that way but considering “Yatsugare san” exists (yes i’m looking straight at you, AKUTAGAWA RYUUNOSUKE), i wouldn’t put it past Asagiri to use tsuma in that manner) before and acts dramatic as all hell when she dies. it’s almost like … someone called Elise really DID die before?
3) this requires the least explanation. we already know Mori likes children in a non-pedo way, shown by things like how he helped Atsushi gather his courage in Anne’s room (which did nothing for him, btw) and his profession in the beast AU. but what sort of mafia don has a cute daughter?? that’s like ASKING for her to be killed. so Elise, the product of Vita Sexualis, is the next best thing he can have!
Elise also is a lot like the Toyotarou, while Mori acts more like Elise when they’re together. it’s just something i noticed watching the two interact in BSD and DG. the whole idea of having no autonomy is kinda Elise’s (BSD) thing, isn’t it?
my phone is now 20% and i have no charger. i have probably 69 viruses and also since i have apps like tiktok, wechat, and discord… you can imagine how much this poor device suffers, but i regret nothing. yahoo! hope you enjoyed my rant~
#bungou stray dogs#bsd#dancing girl#a german dancing girl specifically named Elise#bsd elise#bsd mori#mori ougai#Mori Elise#can i call her Mori Elise?? i mean she’s basically his daughter anyway so#Mori and Elise#toyotarou#god they make me sad#Mori is so traumatized and so babygirl#not all would understand#anyway i’m getting carried away even in the hashtags.. is this who we are???#AH MY PHONE IS AT 5% WHAT THE HELL.#okay i’m posting it now i hope this gets some attention because otherwise i might go crazy /j
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Hi all!
I made this blog as a diary, support and recovery blog for my chronic illnessess. I want to find other people like me, pratice acceptance, share what worked and any research you could also discuss with your doctor. I will talk about medication, good and bad days, and try increase awareness.
Diagnoses that affect me the most
- Chronic migraine
This began with 15-25 migraine days per month in 2021, with episodic migraine and migraine-related seizures being diagnosed around 2014.
I started Botox for migraines in 2022 which reduced my migraine days to 1-5 days per month.
However, since October 2023 I developed daily, non-stop migraines. I’ve been bedridden since then and I’m currently on Botox injections, occassional nerve blocks, Ajovy, and sodium valproate as preventatives.
- Endometriosis
I’ve had severe pain, prolonged bleeding, etc since the beginning of puberty, but it got worse each year until I was diagnosed with endometriosis in 2022 via ultrasound and a physical exam after multiple ER visits where I was bleeding out.
Coincidentally, that’s also the time where my migraines became chronic.
I don’t have access to a good surgeon right now or a second opinion, so I’ve had to manage symptoms on Mirena (the breakthrough bleeding and cysts made it worse), then standalone dienogest (it was great for endometriosis but I’m assuming it triggered worse migraines for me, however I gave it 4 months), and now I’m on NuvaRing continously.
Finding relief for chronic migraine and endometriosis is an unequal balancing act, but there’s so much we still don’t know and can do to make our lives better.
Other diagnoses and issues I’m pursuing help for
- Breathing and sleep quality issues
I’ve progressively had issues with shortness of breath, especially after exercise and before sleep, or in bouts where I feel like I have no oxygen at all. I assume this could also affect migraines and muscle pain. I wake up during the night a lot, and can’t breathe before falling asleep.
Strong allergies, heart problems and structural issues with the nose are ruled out except a slightly deviated septum but my ENT doctor doesn’t think septoplasty would be beneficial so I don’t know.
I had turbinate reduction surgery a year ago and now I’m constantly using hormonal nasal sprays because I feel like I have chronic sinusitis otherwise, air literally doesn’t pass through one of my nostrils at least.
I am currently on asthma treatment (Pulmicort and Berodual for a week first, now Symbicort) after inconclusive spirometry, but I will be working with a pulmunologist to figure it out. But the medication has helped me immensely, as I’ve never felt like I could breathe as well as I do now, and I sleep like a baby. The pulmonologist thinks that if asthma medication helps, then it’s asthma.
So all of my breathing issues are under investigation and inconclusive.
- ADHD and Autism
I was diagnosed with autism as a child, but ADHD was a late diagnosis. I struggle a lot with uni and work in terms of understanding requirements, or sensory overload, etc but it’s been much better since starting medication (unsure yet if lisdexamfetamine or methylphenidate is better). It’s not my main issue whatsoever at the moment since I’m not working or studying at a traditional university, but I struggled a lot when I was working or wasn’t able to study everything from home. So I won’t talk about this as much at the moment.
However, I’m interested in research relating gut issues, autism and immune system issues (e.g my breathing problems, inflammation from endometriosis etc could also fall under that) and biologics like Ajovy, but that’s another fringe topic.
Disclaimer about linking research
I will sometimes make posts that link several research articles or literature reviews (all from reputable sources) together after carefully examining them and discussing my questions with my neurologist. I will always provide references and links or DOIs. Whereas I studied some medical statistics, I’m not a doctor and my advice, experimentation on myself, etc is not medical advice but something you should always discuss with your doctor.
#actually chronically ill#chronic migraine#migraine#chronic pain#endometriosis#ajovy#chronic fatigue#disabled#disability#chronic illness#spoonie#asthma#sleep issues#breathing issues
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WRESTLING SCENE Presents RINGSIDE : November 1983
MIKE ROTUNDO
Young Star on the Rise
As told to Jack O’Shea
We would like to welcome everyone to our RINGSIDE interview and this month’s feature was conducted with one of the fastest rising stars on the wrestling scene, Mike Rotundo. Everyone who has seen this talented youngster in action agrees that he is a future superstar! Be on the lookout for this up and coming sensation for you definitely will be seeing and hearing quite a bit more about him in the future.
RINGSIDE: Mike, it’s a pleasure seeing you in action. I’ve watched you quite a bit in the last two months and you are very impressive. I really think that you have a very bright future ahead of you in professional wrestling.
MIKE ROTUNDO: Thank you very much for the compliment. It’s nice seeing you again and like you said, I feel that I do have a bright future. I basically attribute this to my background. I’ve been wrestling since I was 12 and I'm now 25 and since I’ve been in the Mid-Atlantic area I’ve been able to gain plenty of valuable experience from facing the caliber of top competition that is competing here.
[Rotundo drop kicks Howard.]
RINGSIDE: Tonight, competing in Greenville, we have three World’s champions; two former champions as well as the current NWA World’s champion Harley Race. Will you be watching their matches?
ROTUNDO: That’s right! Ric Flair will be here trying to regain the World’s crown from Harley Race and that will be one exceptional match. Besides, Dory Funk Jr. will also be here and every opportunity I get I make it a point to watch the matches. You can learn so much just by watching top stars such as Flair, Race, and Funk.
RINGSIDE: How many years are you wrestling professionally?
ROTUNDO: I’ve only been wrestling a little less than two years.
RINGSIDE: Actually in two years time you have made a great deal of progress. How do you feel you would fare against the World’s champion at this stage of your career?
ROTUNDO: Right now it would take a great effort by me to win that belt but I have confidence to overcome any lack of experience which I may have. I know I am capable of defeating the World’s champion and on any given night anything could happen.
RINGSIDE: What made you pursue a professional mat career?
ROTUNDO: I was approached by a New York promoter after I won the Eastern championship for Syracuse University. He asked me if I was interested in a professional wrestling as a career and I told him that I was. I then began to watch the matches more intently and I became hooked. I always wanted to be a champion someday and when this opportunity came along I felt that I now had a chance to make something of myself. I trained hard and I’m happy that I chose this profession.
[Mike Rotundo stands in the ring and awaits the start of the action.]
RINGSIDE: Were you always athletically inclined as a youngster?
ROTUNDO: Yes I was. In high school I wrestled and also played football and baseball and I was offered scholarships in all three sports to different universities across the country. I accepted a football scholarship to attend Syracuse where I played defensive end and I also wrestled. I‘ve been in sports and physical fitness all my life and I wanted to continue this. That’s the main reason why I got into professional wrestling.
Actually for me, my best sport was wrestling. I really didn’t pursue baseball and I often wonder what would have happened if I pursued that. I caught and I had decent size for that sport too but as it worked out I excelled more in wrestling. I enjoyed playing football but I realized that the longevity of a professional wrestling career is much greater than one in professional football.
RINGSIDE: How tall are you and what is your current weight?
ROTUNDO: I’m 6’2 ½” and I weigh 240 pounds.
[Rotundo has Bill Howard trapped in his airplane spin. Rotundo makes his way to the ring.]
RINGSIDE: You have a very impressive physique. How do you keep yourself in such superb condition?
ROTUNDO: Since I’ve been in this area I’ve been training with Rocky Steamboat who I feel has the best build and is the most athletic wrestler in the profession. He is able to keep that flexibility inside the ring and had numerous opportunities to train with him and he’s really helped me a lot. I’ve worked on the weights and I still do my running and quite a bit of stretching besides working on the various moves to use in the ring.
RINGSIDE: Unlike many of the other wrestlers who have only been wrestling a couple years, you are very aggressive inside that ring. You never hold back and constantly go after your opponent. This oftentimes makes the difference between winning and losing.
ROTUNDO: That’s correct. I feel that if you’re aggressive the people will support you. I go after my competitors with the purpose of pinning his shoulders to the mat. If you go after your opponent then you are in command and it makes it that much easier to come out on top. If you stay within the rules and wrestle, you will always have the people behind you.
[Rotundo applies pressure on Jake Roberts’ leg.]
RINGSIDE: Do you have any favorite finishing maneuvers?
ROTUNDO: I like the airplane spin the best. I feel if i could put my opponent up on my shoulders and spin him, then he has no control at all. I also use the roll-up-and-bridge which pins the man’s shoulders to the mat and when I bridge there simply is no escape. There are a lot of others. Actually I use whatever is best at that particular moment. You have to keep an open mind when you are in that ring and be ready for any situation which may airse.
RINGSIDE: What is your nationality?
ROTUNDO: I’m Italian. My parents are from the U.S.A. but my descendants are from Florence, Italy. So the name Rotundo is definitely Italian.
RINGSIDE: Over the years there have been many Italian superstars.ROTUNDO: That’s right. Bruno Sammartino for one is an idol that I’ve watched many times. I like his style of wrestling. He was aggressive and a former World’s champion too! I would love to go home someday and have the opportunity to wrestle in New York!
[Rotundo applies a side arm lock on Bill Howard.]RINGSIDE: When time presents itself what are some of the hobbies you may have outside the ring?ROTUNDO: I like to do some fishing. I used to hunt but I haven't had the opportunity to do too much hunting and I really love the beach, the sun, and the women. When I have time off I really like to go home to see my family and relax. As a professional wrestler, we have a very demanding schedule with the traveling and all the dates that we have to keep so any kind of hobby that involves relaxation is nice.
RINGSIDE: We see that Jerry Brisco has now changed his style and is not adhering to the rules. The other night you had a little altercation with him. What happened?
ROTUNDO: Gerald and Jack Brisco, since they have captured the World tag team title from Rick Steamboat and Jay Youngblood have changed their outlook somewhat and it was just an incident where I was watching the match and Gerald passed a remark which I didn’t care too much for and we got into a little scuffle. Jack then came out to help his brother but Jay Youngblood was right there with me and we came out on top. RINGSIDE: Just like you have been doing in the Mid-Atlantic area! We hope to see you win a couple of championships here in the Mid-Atlantic and then eventually capture the big one, the World’s crown. ROTUNDO: I hope so too! Thank you very much and I want to also thank the fans who have been rooting for me and pulling for me everywhere I’ve appeared. They really mean a lot to me.
#mike rotunda#IRS#magazine scan#magazine transcript#irwin r schyster#you guys didn’t think dinner was over yet right???
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I don't usually post WIPs, and this might end up being a doodle, and usually they're behind my Patreon wall but uh,, no one's there and I really wanted to share what the fuck I'm trying to do here + all my other WIPs are apparently on hold so not much art are coming
The perspective goes brrr. The only reference I have for this is literally female Turian heads that you can see on the corner, the rest is from my damn head
But who is this gal, you may ask? This, ladies and gentlemen and so-so, is one of the ship kids of my OC, Xiala Hilatus, and Tiran Kandros ship. Her name is Viteltia and she has a twin brother, Lurius (I kinda don't know if the two (Xiala and Tiran) should have twins (+ adopted kids) or just one child (or two with age differences) + adopted kids but my mind is set on twins, so yeet).
This setting takes place like, idk 20-25 years since of birth. For now I can see her becoming a singer, so that's what she's doing (with her brother, I can see him becoming an artist, so neither of them would pursue anything military).
Viteltia's face paint is a mix of her mother's and father's face paints, though I am thinking of just giving her, her own face paint, don't know yet.
#and off rambling i go again#i wonder if people even reads them lol#anyway#art wip#wip#mass effect andromeda oc#ship child#oc x canon ship child#turian#female turian#procreate#oc#original character#mass effect andromeda
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hey t, 🍒 here!!! i’ve seen 🧸 and bby’s messages and it’s kinda made me feel a bit braver to let this out. i recently turned 18 (like 3 months ago) and my further geography teacher has been kinda perving on me 😭 like don’t get me wrong he’s not bad looking and i’d def SMASH but i feel like it’s a bit off since he’s taught me since i was 16. and it’s not just normal ish stuff like he calls me baby and babygirl (tbf tho he calls everyone nicknames, never that though), and he was helping me out with something the other day and his hand was on my thigh. i feel kinda grossed out but i kinda want him uhhh what do i do??? ts so wrong but like sorta hot ughhh do you have any advice because i feel super objectified but i really want his attention because his subject is important to me and also it does seem like he really cares abt me but i’m still really unsureeee
Hi sweetie <3
I want to be super super clear about this and I don’t want you to think I’m being mean in any way. I just have really strong feelings about your situation.
He’s grooming you.
The fact that he’s your teacher, while the situation might be hot in your mind, would be abusing his power over you. It’s beyond creepy that he has known you since 16 and now that you’re of legal age, is making uncomfortable moves on you. He’s an authority figure and he knows better than to be talking to you that way and touching you that way. I assume he’s in his 30s or 40s and when it comes to maturity, there is a HUGE difference between 18 and 30. Even between 18 and 21, I myself am an entirely different person than I was at 18. Your frontal lobe isn’t even fully developed by 25. I know that might not feel good to hear but it’s true.
To put it blunt, your teacher is a creep. If you were 30 and doing your masters or your phd, I might feel differently. But you’re not. You’re freshly 18 and he’s your teacher.
Don’t go for this. Don’t do it. Don’t romanticize it. Don’t convince yourself that you need to sleep with an older guy just because anyone else is. Or even just because you have convinced yourself that you want to. You said yourself that it grosses you out and makes you feel objectified. That is enough for me to see you don’t actually want this. You just want some form of attention and validation that sleeping with him would bring.
Spoiler alert, it won’t. In fact, it’ll probably make you feel worse. It will make you feel even more objectified.
I slept with guys back at 18 for the sole purpose of attention. Looking back now, there are things I did that I definitely wish I hadn’t. And they weren’t even any older than me.
And sweetie… you’re still a kid. Like you said, you can’t even drink yet. There’s no way for me to look at this situation and feel that sleeping with him or pursuing him is a good idea.
It’s not.
Next time he makes an uncomfortable comment or touches you like that, you should probably bring it up with your principle or some other trusted staff member.
I say all of this with immense kindness and concern in my heart.
Be safe my love <3
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