“Someone else’s lack of self-control is not a justification for abandoning our own. Nor is it a good look or a recipe for success and achievement.”

Marry a man who wants to be a husband, not a man who just wants a wife. Read that again.

A man who WANTS to be a husband is a man who’s willing to provide, protect, & fulfill your rights. He is READY to do whatever he can to make things work. A man who JUST wants a wife is a man who's only thinking about what YOU can do for him, & not what HE needs to do for YOU.

It’s crazy how low self-worth fucks with peoples lives

i know there were a few people and experiences that led you to have low self-esteem. i know that through these experiences you kept meeting more and more of the same heartaches because you didn’t know you deserved better. you didn’t know what this “better” should, could, or would be. i pray that you fight for your right to love yourself. one day you’ll speak up clearly, you’ll feel confident, you’ll stand up straight, you’ll wear what you want, you’ll learn to say NO and you won’t take shit from anyone anymore. one day you’ll be able to clearly see what better looks like. and you’ll smile because everything and everyone in your life is better for you, because of you.

Hi bb, it’s me again. I very recently let go of someone I was seeing. (A couple hours ago) I like him a lot (I’m very attracted to him ) but something just does not feel right. (I blocked him) I know it’s not mature to just block someone. Am I wrong? Should I unblock and have a covo? Also he’s a surgeon and works long hours but I’ve told him before to communicate with me. He failed to do that again. I was upset so I blocked him. Spill yours thoughts plissss

“Something just doesn’t feel right” - I really like that your analyzing what your intuition is telling you! This is golden.

You don’t owe anyone anything and if you felt the need to block him that’s your prerogative. It seems to me that you were frustrated because he failed to follow through with something that you two might have spoken about and agreed about. Depending on the situation I would’ve done the same but for the most part I do send a final goodbye text or voice note when I am no longer interested in continuing to date someone. Since I don’t know the full context of everything I’m assuming he upset you enough to be blocked and if that’s enough reason for you to block him then so be it. Especially if he didn’t care enough to uphold a certain level of communication with you. I’ve dated very busy men and can be a busy person myself. Trust me when I say that we make time for the people we truly care about. Even if it’s getting someone else to pass along a message. It’s 2024, no one is incapable of sending a message across that takes 30 seconds to type.

You are brilliant. Thank you for sharing with us. I’m taking notes, always. (Ignore the weird haters ew)

Will do😂🥰🥰

so i was talking to this guy i met on a dating app (my friends were like go for it you’ve never been on a date) and we were talking for like 4 weeks we both have very busy schedules. yesterday he asks if im free on sunday so we can finally meet. i tell him yes, ask him for the details of the date. then i ask him to pick me up since he has a car and he says it’ll be a long drive for him and that he could pick me up from the train station. (but the restaurant is like a 15 min walk from there which to me is unnecessary) and that i probably won’t feel comfortable dressing up nice to get on the train, so i should wear something casual and should tell him if that works for me. i tell him i don’t want to get onto public transport and ask if he could get me a ride (thinking this won’t be a problem at all since the guy works everyday all day a 30 dollar uber won’t be nothing😭) and so then he says ‘hmm never mind lol’ and so im a lil surprised because i’ve voiced the fact that 1 i don’t have a car and the train journey will be over an hour and is quicker by car. 2 i wanted to look good for our date so why is he asking me to dress casual?? 3 why is the uber suddenly off putting like i asked him to pay my rent lol wtf (also please bare in mind that i’m a 20 year old student and he’s a 28 and works full time) do u think was i asking for too much? wasn’t really fond of him but id like to know for future reference.

I don’t think that you are asking for too much at all. Knowing that you were communicating with him from a dating app already indicates(to me) that he’s a low effort type of man. I know some people have success with dating apps, but the vast majority of men on there are there because they can easily talk to(a lot of) women that they would never have the courage to approach in real life. Think about it like this: why would he go out of his way to send you an Uber if all he had to do to talk to you was swipe his phone screen? Imagine if he saw you in person one day and he was a nervous wreck thinking when would be the right time to approach you and get your phone number or social media? He replayed the scenario multiple times in his head until he finally made the bold move to come up to you and say something that would be perfect to break the ice. He went through ALL OF THAT, just to tell you “hmm never mind lol.” I highly doubt that if he did all of that, he would not send you an Uber. Instead, he would be thinking to himself that he went through a stressful emotional roller coaster to get your attention and that he didn’t do all that work for NOTHING. So that $30 Uber? He’ll be thinking that’s nothing to him and make it a luxury vehicle while he’s at it.

Again, I am not discrediting those who have success with dating apps. I’m simply giving you my perspective on why I believe MOST of the men on those platforms are not serious. I do not think you did anything wrong or absurd on your part, and any man who asks you to lower your standards (especially when you’re being perfectly reasonable) is not worth entertaining.

Saw a video of a tradwife being like “idk why women wanted to work” and I just- WOMEN HAVE ALWAYS WORKED. What do you think ladies in waiting, maids, servants, school teachers and factory workers were doing? Women worked on farms and in fields for centuries. Rich, royal and noble women were not the majority of the population. 70-80% of medieval europe’s population were peasants and those women did not just stay home and mind the house. They worked in fields (for the lord who owned the property, peasants only had like a small strip of land they could farm for themselves. Everything else belonged to the nobility) took care of babies (who upon becoming children also began to work). We have never not worked. The happy homemaker phenomenon of the late 20th century was not the norm for the majority of human history and the feminist movements of the 60s and 70s were not just about letting women get jobs, but for us to also be fairly compensated and to let us in to male dominated fields. These are problems we still face today. Women have always worked, we’ve just never been fairly compensated.

The original Hello Kitty

I developed a crush on someone ever since we had a really long and thorough conversation that had to do with quantum physics. I think I’m sapiosexual now😂

✨Black cat energy✨

so i was talking to this guy i met on a dating app (my friends were like go for it you’ve never been on a date) and we were talking for like 4 weeks we both have very busy schedules. yesterday he asks if im free on sunday so we can finally meet. i tell him yes, ask him for the details of the date. then i ask him to pick me up since he has a car and he says it’ll be a long drive for him and that he could pick me up from the train station. (but the restaurant is like a 15 min walk from there which to me is unnecessary) and that i probably won’t feel comfortable dressing up nice to get on the train, so i should wear something casual and should tell him if that works for me. i tell him i don’t want to get onto public transport and ask if he could get me a ride (thinking this won’t be a problem at all since the guy works everyday all day a 30 dollar uber won’t be nothing😭) and so then he says ‘hmm never mind lol’ and so im a lil surprised because i’ve voiced the fact that 1 i don’t have a car and the train journey will be over an hour and is quicker by car. 2 i wanted to look good for our date so why is he asking me to dress casual?? 3 why is the uber suddenly off putting like i asked him to pay my rent lol wtf (also please bare in mind that i’m a 20 year old student and he’s a 28 and works full time) do u think was i asking for too much? wasn’t really fond of him but id like to know for future reference.

I don’t think that you are asking for too much at all. Knowing that you were communicating with him from a dating app already indicates(to me) that he’s a low effort type of man. I know some people have success with dating apps, but the vast majority of men on there are there because they can easily talk to(a lot of) women that they would never have the courage to approach in real life. Think about it like this: why would he go out of his way to send you an Uber if all he had to do to talk to you was swipe his phone screen? Imagine if he saw you in person one day and he was a nervous wreck thinking when would be the right time to approach you and get your phone number or social media? He replayed the scenario multiple times in his head until he finally made the bold move to come up to you and say something that would be perfect to break the ice. He went through ALL OF THAT, just to tell you “hmm never mind lol.” I highly doubt that if he did all of that, he would not send you an Uber. Instead, he would be thinking to himself that he went through a stressful emotional roller coaster to get your attention and that he didn’t do all that work for NOTHING. So that $30 Uber? He’ll be thinking that’s nothing to him and make it a luxury vehicle while he’s at it.

Again, I am not discrediting those who have success with dating apps. I’m simply giving you my perspective on why I believe MOST of the men on those platforms are not serious. I do not think you did anything wrong or absurd on your part, and any man who asks you to lower your standards (especially when you’re being perfectly reasonable) is not worth entertaining.

Hi bb, do you have any general dating advice?I honestly feel like I kinda know how to navigate, but I feel my upbringing has made me pre disposed to certain behaviors. And I’d like to just pick your brain. Idk

Xoxo

Hey love,

If you feel like you had a difficult upbringing, taking care of yourself first mentally is the best thing you can do. This is because when you heal your childhood wounds, you become more confident. There is also a level of fog removed from your brain and you’re able to operate at a higher level and see things much more clearly. You stop feeling bad for yourself because you have a better understanding of the way life works finally and that a lot of things that happened to you in your life were out of your control up until now that you decided to heal and take the reins. This will also help you navigate your dating life because you will start to identify the red flags when getting to know men. You start to understand and easily spot what behaviors indicate that the other person has past wounds still open whether they are fresh or not. And from there, you get to decide whether they are someone you are willing to deal with or not versus when you had no clue that you were only bonding with them over similar past wounds or trauma that happened to both of you.

have you ever dated famous men? did you use the same hypergamous techniques or switch them up at all? did you notice differences between rich and famous men vs just rich men? i just wanna be a hot model wife to rich, successful, famous man 😩

I have and I treat them the same way I would any man. 99% of them are used to extreme privilege so they think that they are the ones who should be spoiled. Since this is mostly the case, I prefer to date men who are not famous/known or at least the ones who know how to provide and have a good balance of healthy masculinity if they are public figures.

Ever since my situation ship ended, I haven’t been interested in anyone and really only have been with him no other guys, I haven’t really slept around. It doesn’t matter who they are or what they look like. I’m just not interested in any guy. And I don’t know why...it’s been months like a long time....He and I have been in contact here and there but trying to stick to my boundaries and what I want, (he’s tried seeing me to hookup) which I am interested in but trying to not....Is it normal to not have attraction to anyone after this? We were talking over a year and even in our last conversation he kept on saying “you just want dick” I don’t know why he’s saying that when I was describing how I feel, and how if I wanted to see him I want things to be different....he’s also been stalking my page for months and liking my posts but I’m genuinely having a hard time having interest in other guys and dating again if it’s not him and I just don’t know why? And why do I want to hookup with him again I don’t know why when he’s hurt me a lot

You’re not really allowing yourself to completely move on from him by still giving him access to you even if it is just a little. The small bit of access/communication he has to you is enough to take a toll on you emotionally and is making you think there is still hope for you two. Until you completely cut him off and learn to live without him, you will never know what life without him in the picture will look like. You’re subconsciously clinging on to “potential” that will never come into fruition based on what you wrote. People can form attachments even if they are unhealthy ones. Just because you were attached to him before, doesn’t mean you should continue to be. Hurt people, hurt people. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship and this definitely doesn’t seem to encompass one. Sex to women is usually more emotional than anything, which is why you crave the intimacy. Men are capable of hooking up with someone they don’t even find attractive or like for the simple reason of getting to orgasm. So while your intentions seem pure, to him you’re just another body he can use to “masturbate.”

Hi there! I'm in my 20s and looking to get married. I come from a culture where arranged marriages are a norm. I'm not against it since I don't have a boyfriend and feel like it would be better if my parents would vet the guy before I meet him and decide. In no way am I being forced. The thing is though I have less experience with men and that's what makes me a bit anxious. Like what do I ask him and how? I'm afraid I'll either come off as too submissive or too rude. Could you suggest some areas I should cover while asking questions? This may seem stupid but I don't know anyone else who could give better and honest advice so here it is. Thanks ❤

I’ve actually had a few friends who had their marriages arranged as well(it is part of their culture also) and it was fascinating to watch it all play out beautifully.

If you TRUST your parents judgement, having them vet men for you and suggest their top pick would be a steal because they are thinking very logically on your behalf. They’re not going to be stuck in between all of the emotions that come with dating and really be able to vet/select based on very important factors that get overlooked by a lot of people when dating. And of course there is always the fact that you are their daughter and parents will do the most to set their children up for success.

I would suggest asking him questions about his past and upbringing strategically. You want to know enough of his past that will let you predict what his future will look like with you in the picture. How does he treat his mother/sisters? Does he have a good relationship with his father? What was his childhood like? What are his best friends like, are they good people? Where did he grow up? Etc.

You can try a couple of stress tests to see how he reacts to see if he has a mature temperament. These are telltale signs or indicators that will give you an idea of what he is truly like when he’s not trying to impress someone. Does he get upset easily? Is he patient with you? Is he respectful? Etc.

Keep learning from blogs like this one and pick up some books on dating or male psychology so that you will continue to understand more. If you want, you can try dating just to get a feel of what it is like meeting new men and pick up on their social cues. Some things you have to physically do to understand, reading will only get you so far.

I wouldn’t be worried about coming off too submissive or rude. I think that you should be more worried about how he treats you and acts, and you just be yourself.