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snailmail444 · 4 months

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After reading the Masturbationen headcanons for the Bachelors… Can we get masturbation headcanons for the bachelorettes? 🫶🏻

Bachelorette Masturbation Headcannons

18+ 🌱 NSFW 🌱 MDNI

This took soooo long. So so long. But it’s HERE! I’ll probably be double posting today since the poll said post as I finish and I actually have two asks done hehe. Hope y’all are ready for a double feature! NSFW under the cut!

Penny-

🧡 It’s all or nothing for penny. Either her mom is out and she’s got all the time in the world, or her mom is home and she can’t hide a damn thing.

🧡 Luckily Pam has a solid routine every night, so Penny has been able to find time for herself when the mood strikes.

🧡 It’s not a usual occurrence for Penny. She’s got a lot of deep-seated repression that makes it tough for her to follow through on any sexual urges. She’s still undoing the small-town-youth dynamic that it’s dirty and shameful for women to pleasure themselves.

🧡 Sometimes though she’ll be reading fanfic (because let’s be so real you know she does), and she can’t ignore the ache in her center anymore.

🧡 Bites down on her lip and edges her bottoms off anxiously, still a little worried someone might jump out of the shadows and damn her in the name of Yoba for sinning.

🧡 Settles in pretty fast though, and lets herself get lost in the story. Pretends she’s the character being ravaged, typically in a highly romantic setting.

🧡 Penny seems like a total pillow humper to me. Gets all flushed and red and tries to muffle her moans as she grinds against the fabric.

🧡 Really sensitive so she doesn’t need much more than that. Maybe a free hand to play with her breast, but honestly not even that.

🧡 One and Done. The guilt sets in and she feels embarrassed all over once she finishes, so she throws everything in to wash and showers off the evidence ASAP.

Maru-

💜 Doesn’t have a ton of personal space/boundaries during the day. She has to wait until nighttime to even think of letting off some steam (thanks, Demetrius)

💜 Once she’s certain her parents are asleep—thank god Sebastian doesn’t ever leave his room, the night owl—Maru climbs down into the privacy of her workshop and allows herself to unwind.

💜 Maru is a woman in STEM. A gadget queen, if You will.

💜 She only has a couple of toys, but they’re high-end splurges. Quality over quantity.

💜 Could make her own if she really wanted to, but she’s got more robotics projects on her plate than she can finish. The last thing she wants is to have to wait to finish making her sex toy before having fun with it.

💜 Her favorite is just a plain blue toy that looks unassuming, but it feels like it’s thrusting inside her, and she can just lay back and enjoy it.

💜 Girls arms and wrists are tired after a day of engineering, so it’s a lifesaver to not have to do that work herself. All she wants is to feel fucked full and nothing else.

💜 Maru’s mind is always going, which is good and bad when she’s trying to get off. On the one hand, it makes for some vivid fantasies. On the other, sometimes she doesn’t want to have to think at all.

💜 Her fantasies are often of whirlwind, desperate romances. Stolen away in the nearest closet, shoved up against a tree, spread out on top of her workbench. She dreams of reckless, passionate, I need you this minute sex. It gets her so wet she’s soaking.

💜 On the days when she wants her brain to go quiet, she’ll make sure to keep going until she’s cum three or four times. Until her ears are ringing and her body is completely exhausted. Kind of a stamina queen, to be honest.

💜 She sleeps like a baby on those nights.

Emily-

💙 Lowkey I think Emily would be a licensed sex therapist.

💙 She’s very well educated in the importance of sexual health. For her it’s a spiritual practice of keeping herself balanced.

💙 Haley’s home like all the time which sucks, but she gets an okay amount of privacy regardless because their rooms are on opposite sides of the house.

💙 Lights incense that has properties good for sexual energy or something I dunno.

💙 Has a (body safe!) crystal wand that she fucks herself with.

💙 Loves how cool it feels at first and the fact that it warms to match her body temperature.

💙 Little miss active imagination doesn’t need porn or anything, she just gets right the hell off on her fantasies.

💙 As for what she fantasizes about? Girl goes wild thinking about having three or four partners. Ideally it’s three or four people all focused on pleasing her, every sensation hands and mouths and skin on skin—she gets really hot thinking about it.

💙 Her nipples are really sensitive so she makes sure to stimulate them a lot, pretending she has someone to focus on each one individually.

💙 Enjoys being present with her body and engages her senses. Really wants to sit with all the sensations and draw them out.

💙 Doesn’t cum every time, but that’s not the point for her. Unless she’s specifically trying to cum, it’s an added bonus. Something nice, but not necessary. It’s all about the journey for Emily.

Leah-

💚 Leah has it MADE in terms of getting off.

💚 Queen of living alone in the woods.

💚 Full privacy. Loud noise never carries from the solid insulation and the dampening of the trees. She can’t full out scream without being heard, but almost.

💚 Has a collection of dildos she’s made herself out of scrap wood. She started making them as a joke, but then she was like actually…this could be great for me.

💚 Don’t worry, she’s taken great care in making sure they’re body safe. Made with love and all that.

💚 Her favorites are the ones that she’s left knots on. A smooth fuck is nice, but she loves the added sensation from the bumps.

💚 Her internet isn’t great, but she’s lucky to have a collection of artsy porn films. Again, something that started as more of a fascination, but to be honest it’s super hot.

💚 One in particular is her favorite, with a long shot of eating pussy. It’s supposed to be a love story, the way it’s framed, but more than anything it’s just hot. Reminds her of some of the best oral she’s ever gotten.

💚 Takes her a long time to get off, but she’s learned not to rush it. She’ll finish when she finishes, and it’s always worth it.

💚 Needs a nice, long, relaxing shower afterwards, and unwinds with a cup of herbal tea.

Haley-

🩷 Emily is gone a lot working at the bar until late, so she doesn’t have to worry about finding time.

🩷 Definitely has a collection of toys for whatever mood she’s in.

🩷 Quality AND Quantity babe Haley will not deny herself pleasure.

🩷 Absolutely will treat herself too. A nice glass of wine and some mood lighting. Big fan of setting the vibe (pun intended).

🩷 Soft BDSM girlie. Adores any porn where the sub ends up a whiny desperate mess

🩷 It’s an ego trip. She absolutely wants to think that whoever she’s with would be reduced to absolute pathetic begging for her.

🩷 She finishes faster than she would like sometimes, so she’s mastered the art of edging.

🩷 She’s not gonna put all that effort in for nothing. If she’s set taking her time to enjoy herself she’s going to be TAKING her TIME.

🩷 Finds it really hot to be able to watch herself so sometimes she’ll set up in front of her floor-length mirror. Not as good as it is with a partner, but it’s got a similar draw.

🩷 Really quiet when she cums, her cheeks flushed and a gasp stuck in her chest while her body seizes with pleasure.

🩷 Might go a couple more times depending on how hot and bothered she is.

Abigail-

🖤 Abby has the least privacy out of the bachelorettes.

🖤 Her situation isn’t horrible (read: better than Sam’s), but she’s always got low-grade anxiety that she’s going to be caught and absolutely mortified.

🖤 Never home alone either, but Stardew girls make do. Waits up until midnight or later and makes sure to be radio silent just in case her dad is roaming around.

🖤 Once she gets into it though…she gets into it.

🖤 Little miss visual aid over here be Watching porn. She almost can’t get off without it. She CAN but she doesn’t want to. Which is so real of her.

🖤 LOVES videos of people getting themselves off. Solo masturbation videos are so hot to her because it feels like a steamy mutual session when she touches herself.

🖤 Totally ends up imagining past experiences or current crushes taking up the same as the person in the video. Pleasuring themselves while she watches and watching her get off too…she’s practically gone.

🖤 Sometimes she likes to watch really hardcore, desperate railing if she’s feeling particularly needy or submissive. Every now and again she just wants to be told she’s hot, get spanked, and fucked within an inch of her life. Girl me too the fuck—

🖤 Gets off pretty fast and once just because of the anxiety thing. If she had more peace of mind it would be a marathon for her because with the adventure training she’s got stamina for days.

🖤 Still sleeps way better after and ends up having some very, very pleasant dreams with all of that imagination fuel.

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augiewrites · 6 months

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"secret admirer" - dead poets society (part 3)

summary: y/n joins meeks and pitts for a study session

pairing: anonymous!dead poet x gender neutral reader

word count: 977

previous | next

Y/N approached the bespectacled boy before they could lose their nerve.

“Hey—Meeks, right?”

“Yeah,” he stumbled a bit, surprised to be approached by his usually reserved classmate, “you’re Y/N.”

Y/N chuckled, “that I am.”

He signaled to the taller boy waiting for him by the door—Pitts, Y/N remembered—before he gave them an easy smile, "what can I do for you?"

“You tutor Latin, right? I could use a study partner that actually knows what they're doing,” a laugh, "if you have the time, of course.”

"Oh, sure," he glanced at his watch, “Pitts and I are going to the library during common hour if you want to meet us there.”

Y/N touched Meek’s arm briefly, “thanks, Steven. You're a lifesaver.”

The boy turned a shade of red that rivaled his hair and excused himself.

Relief bloomed in Y/N’s chest as they released a breath they didn’t realize they were holding. Their half-cocked plan was in motion.

_________________________________________

“So much for ‘we’re just going to have to wait and find out’ huh?” Quinn mocked Y/N from their seat at the lunch table.

“Well I can’t just let him be the only player in this whole thing,” Y/N shook the latest letter around, “if he wants to play a game, I want to be the one winning.”

“Y/N, the man is infatuated with you. I wouldn’t exactly call it a game.”

Y/N huffed as they shoved the letter back into their bag, “these things are starting to get annoying.”

“Oh, yeah,” Quinn rolled their eyes, “it must be such a burden to have Whitman reincarnate writing you love letters.”

“Whatever.”

“So, what is your plan, exactly?” Quinn asked around a mouthful of pasta.

Y/N was suddenly bashful, “I honestly didn’t think I would get this far.”

Quinn stared blankly back at Y/N.

“This is the part where you tell me what to do, Quinnie.”

“Torture. Medieval style. Get your answers.”

“You’re truly unbelievable,” Y/N ran a hand through their hair and stood from the table, “I’m going to be nice, and I’m going to study latin. Roll with the punches.”

_________________________________________

Meeks was mildly surprised when Y/N actually showed up at the library. He was well aware that Y/N wasn’t struggling with the subject matter—Welton made sure that its students knew who was at the top of the academic food chain. He was one of the rare lucky ones to be among them. He was curious why Y/N sought him out, but he knew better than to push the subject.

It took nearly all of common hour before Y/N started to feel at ease around the two boys. It seemed the feeling was mutual.

“So, Y/N,” Pitts started, looking bored by his trig homework, “have any hobbies?”

“A few,” Y/N muttered as they finished their last verb conjugation, “I like to read and write. I used to draw, but I barely have time to breathe outside of schoolwork.”

The boys shared a glance that Y/N couldn’t quite decode.

“Welton isn’t exactly a breeding ground for creativity,” Meeks sighed.

“That’s an understatement,” Y/N scoffed, “Welton is where creativity comes to die.”

Another look between the boys.

“Touché,” Meeks drawled, “so…you’re roommates with Quinn, right?”

Pitts grinned as a blush tinted Meeks’ cheeks.

Y/N raised their eyebrows, breaking into a cheeky smile, “yeah, I am.”

Meeks was suddenly very interested in the wall, the bookshelves, his textbook—anything other than Y/N, really.

“Are they…seeing anybody?”

Pitts laughed, earning a scolding hush from the librarian.

“No, they’re not,” Y/N smiled, “I’ll put in a good word for you, Meeks.”

Relief flooded the boy’s features and he was finally able to look at Y/N again, “thanks. I—”

“Like you could pin down someone like Quinn.”

Charlie Dalton had a habit of showing up at the worst times.

“Very nice, Dalton,” Y/N closed their book and slid it into their bag, “that’s my cue to leave.”

“Oh, please. I—”

“Don’t let him get in your head, Meeks,” Y/N looked between their study partners, “see you two around.”

Before Y/N could leave, Pitts called out, “we’re usually here during common hour,” he laughed and nudged Meeks with his elbow, “maybe you could bring Quinn next time.”

Meek’s head turned to Y/N so fast they thought his neck would snap, “could you?”

They grinned, “I’ll see what I can do.”

Y/N could hear the three boy’s rushed whispers as the door closed behind them.

_________________________________________

“So you don’t think it’s either of them? Why?”

Y/N turned onto their side in bed, facing Quinn, who was doing the same.

“I don’t know,” Y/N looked at their nails, “I could just tell they weren’t interested like that.”

Quinn scoffed, “well, we’ve established that you aren’t exactly aware when people are interested like that.”

“Well, they gave me a pretty open invitation to join them again,” Y/N smirked, “maybe you could come and run interference.”

“You’re not taking this seriously enough, Y/N.”

“Whatever,” Y/N flipped to face the wall, “goodnight.”

Y/N couldn’t fall asleep, though.

The issue with infatuation is that it’s nearly impossible to not let it consume you at all times. It burrows deep into the fibers of your very being and suddenly you’re fully engulfed by the idea of that person.

And that’s all this was, really—an idea of a person. Y/N didn’t know what their admirer looked like, how they acted, or even if their proclamations were truthful. Could reality meet the expectations being set by the letters? Y/N didn’t want to admit it to themselves, but they were afraid to find out.

Y/N dreamed of a faceless poet that night.

Their heart ached in the morning.

~~~

part four

#dead poets society #dead poets society x reader #dps boys #dps #dps fanfiction #todd anderson #neil perry #steven meeks #gerard pitts #charlie dalton #knox overstreet #todd anderson x reader #neil perry x reader #steven meeks x reader #gerard pitts x reader #charlie dalton x reader #knox overstreet x reader #dps x reader

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yandere-daydreams · 1 month

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I don't mean to drag on with more ways that twst takes the cake over obey me, but they REALLY take the cake. Main flaws for twst gameplay I've seen is having to do rhythms 5 times every week for gems when you've already done all the difficulty levels for the rhythms and that the lessons take too much time. If this was an obey me issue I doubt either would ever be resolved TBH, but twst adding "quality of life" improvements every year to the app on the anniversary is a really good move. In this update for the jp app they changed 5 rhythms a week to 10 guest room battles, while adding a feature that lets you do 5 guest room battles at once when the gauge is filled so it takes like 2 minutes to finish the weekly gem requirement if you sacrifice a battle refill item AND they made it so you can skip MORE lessons than just 10 a day, albeit with an item you'd have to buy w/ gems, but the item isn't that expensive. In hindsight this ask was actually just about me crying tears of relief bc I hated playing the game weekly with these things, I forgot that this was a comparison to obey me actually

english servers are still a little behind but honestly, quality of life is such an important part of dating sims that so many games just,,, don't consider at all T-T the loop function for the daily lessons + the auto setting for battles is literally a lifesaver when you're in grinding hell and don't have multiple hours to spend on unlocking pretty pictures of anime twinks. i know it sounds weird to be like 'i love that i don't have to play the game i love playing', but dating sims are so grinding-focused that just being able to have it going in the background and chime in for the occasional fun voiceline is just,,, so incredibly nice. i'm pretty sure mystic messenger (my personal gold standard for dating sims) also let your skip chats with occasional dialogue options + was entirely completable by just gathering hearts and hourglasses as you played the routes. it's just really fun to play a game that doesn't hate you. or that had like,,, .5 seconds of thought put into its features, at least.

#personal #anon ask

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11queensupreme11 · 3 months

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Lol that wasn't me but I will let you know when I post on AO3 and credit you. I have a bad habit of jumping around a lot in my writing so it might be a while. Here is a bit from much later that might have to be cut. It features 8 year old Percy and children's fantastic ability to remember complex terms and apply them in the funniest ways possible:

"Percy stared at the man before her. He looked young, with a face she believed would make any of the old ladies from the apartments coo if they saw him. However, pinchable cheeks were probably not a judged criteria when taking the exams to become a doctor. The lady at the department of health office had said that "Medicaid does not cover elective work" and Percy was not even sure they had insurance now that they lived outside the US. Medical debt was a serious issue and would probably spawn paperwork more difficult for Mom to handle than any monster or weird relative. Smiling politely, she said “So are you a pediatrician? What program did you graduate from? Where was your residency and how many years have you been practicing for?”

The man's face was now frozen and Percy decided to press onward continuing “What insurance providers do you accept? I was on Medicaid previously but that won’t apply anymore with the move so you will have to get the new information from my mother. Along with my medical history which would be needed to provide appropriate care.” Pausing and tilting her head racking her brain for more terms she had heard at the real pediatrician’s office, she continued “You did talk to him right? 'Any medical care that is not immediately lifesaving given to minors requires consent from a parent or guardian recognized by the state.' Given my father is not on my birth certificate and has not signed and acknowledgment of paternity his word will not count. If you treat me without mother’s permission billing will be the least of your worries, the medical boards and courts don’t mess around when it comes to unnecessary medical work done on children without parental consent” she finished watching the man’s eyes widen a little more in shock.

However instead of the stuttered backtrack she was expecting, instead Mr. Beelzebub burst into a low and somewhat menacing laugh. With a smile, he said, “To answer your questions, I am not a pediatrician of any kind, I am a researcher specializing in the… hm… how to put it, most unusual of cases, and probably the only god in the three realms capable of treating someone like you.”

“So, you don’t actually know anything,” Percy said folding her arms and feeling rather put out. “And you have no previous experience working with children.” Honestly, she was really starting to wonder what went on in the heads of her father’s family. With a sigh she continued “Uncle Hades, this man is not a real doctor, he sounds like a scammer.”

Normally she tried not to be that blunt (after all mom always said stuff like “discretion was the better part of valor” and all the like) but this was really starting to test her patience. “It is common sense that any strange man offering you free medical treatment in his basement is definitely up to no go. Haven’t you heard of stranger danger? ‘Only trust adults whose credibility can be verified by another safe and trusted adult like your parents’.” She recited while turning to her uncle hoping to see a light of understanding appear in the man’s eyes. Honestly, why did she have to be the adult in this situation? Had these people never seen public television?

Instead, both men broke out into uproarious laughter and Percy considered what the consequences of pelting them both with ice would be. Perhaps if she froze their brains, it would fix whatever mental deficiency they were currently experiencing. Maybe some kind of brain worm?"

OH IT WASNT YOU???? oops 😭😭😭 ok thank you for clarifying then!

ALSO EIGHT YEAR OLD PERCY IS SO PRECIOUS???? and is loki a better mom than og!sally or did he just send percy to a good school cuz she sounds a lot smarter than her 12-16 year old canon self 😭😭😭😭

BUT BEEEEEEELLLLL IS HERE 😍😍😍

im ngl, after i realized beel was in the scenario, i blanked out and just focused on him LMAO. i'm sorry i just love him so much 😭😭😭

i can't wait till you post, ur writing is sooooo 😩👍

#👸🏻| asks #👸🏻| arsenic blues

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lgcminseo · 4 months

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✿ CHARACTER UPDATE

NAME: SEO MINSEO BIRTHDAY: JULY 09, 2003 BIRTHPLACE: SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA BLOOD TYPE: AB ZODIAC SIGN: CANCER CHINESE ZODIAC: GOAT FAVORITE MOTTO: I exist. I am no one else, but myself.

RANDOM FACTS

Part of the debate team and excelled at it. Ask her about her opinion of space, dead fabrics, the lack of originality in the film industry, or her favorite type of ice.

Spent a good chunk of her life as an equestrian! She hides her awards and ribbons in her walk-in closet.

Originally, she wanted to become an actress, but fell in love with singing. How lucky to find different types of loves in one lifetime.

Is known for never being quiet whether she's singing or making weird sounds, her presence is always known. She even created her own unique language with her older brother and ends up using it randomly when she's stressed, but it honestly sounds like gibberish.

Notoriously forgetful whether it's her belongings, or her schedule. Air tags are a lifesaver. She is often seen holding the hand of her manager, Geum Shinhye. ( Give her a raise! )

YEAR END GOALS

feature in a song of an artist she admires ( or an OST )

start studying during her downtime to take the CSAT

host an episode for a music show during comeback season

PREVIOUS APPEARANCES/PROJECTS

TRAINEE INTRODUCTION VIDEO

FUTURE DREAMS S6 — Contestant

노래Battle — Guest

LGC FAMCON 2K23

HOLLY'S COFFE — Model

LEVI'S — Model

LGC GIRLS FN — Member, Filmography, & Discography

...Click HERE for NOVA's Filmography & Discography

MOST MEMORABLE OR FAVORITE EVENT

A cruel question... It has to be a tie between debuting as a member of NOVA and being a part of the special project, LGC GIRLS FN. She still remembers how shocked she was when it was revealed to the members that Nova would be able to collaborate with her favorite girl group. In her opinion, they created magic and she hopes that there can be a repeat of it in the future! Also, she got to fangirl over Eunhye and now has a signed photocard in her possession. ( If everyone has a laminator machine, let her borrow it... ♡ )

#lgc:cupdate004 #( love the bumblebee!core )#( <3 )#( thank you sera )

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stardustandtwilight · 5 months

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Dec 14 - Tell us about an OC you like, either your own or someone else's. Include a drawing, moodboard, or playlist if you'd like to!

🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲

This is based off this Rosamund Pike video and features my OC Sarah. This is an AU where the canon book events don't happen and I'm modifying how pregnancy with a vampire-human hybrid works.

...

Summer 2005

Sarah was convinced that God was making fun of her. That really was the only explanation for the way her life had turned out. Her little sister Sami had gotten leukemia as a kid and she had been a perfect match for a bone marrow transplant, which had led her down a path to studying the pathology of blood disorders as an adult. Then she became infatuated with a man who turned out to be a vampire – which should have scared her more than it did in the beginning, really what the hell was wrong with her – and now she was carrying his half-vampire baby. And if that wasn’t enough, a big side effect of vampire pregnancy was violent dreams about drinking blood, courtesy of intense blood cravings.

Yes. God was definitely making fun of her.

But at least for now, the blood cravings were in check. What she craved now was something decidedly more normal – pineapple. Fresh pineapple from the whole fruit, not the canned variety. Esme had gone to the grocery store to get some for her and she was currently distracting herself from the craving by playing Pokémon on Emmett’s old Game Boy Color. She’d gone from being very busy with her fellowship to having a lot of time on her hands. She’d tried various hobbies and the Cullens weren’t lacking in options, but Pokémon and other video games ended up being the one that absorbed her the most and kept the anxiety at bay.

There was no shortage of things to be anxious about – the fact that she couldn’t go out in public on the off chance someone recognized her as a missing person, whether Mark would eventually find her, what her family was doing, whether she’d even live through the delivery…

Everything was proceeding as normally as possible for twenty-four weeks and Carlisle was hopeful about the plan when the time came, but Sarah could not stop the intrusive thought.

Before she could ruminate further on it, Esme returned carrying grocery bags. Sarah hastily saved her game and turned it off. Her eyes zeroed in on the bag that had the distinctive pineapple leaves sticking out. “You are a lifesaver, Esme.”

In the kitchen, Esme got out a knife and cutting board, but Sarah shook her head. “My brother Shawn had a way to open a pineapple without using a knife and I want to try it.”

Esme raised her eyebrows. “Oh, well, this I have to see.”

Sarah sat on a stool at the island and held up the pineapple. “He could get out the base here and then he’d pull off the segments.” She pressed her thumb to start digging out the base and found there was barely any give and it made her thumbnail hurt.

Esme watched her struggle for a moment. “Do you need help?”

“No, no, I got this,” Sarah said. “I think.” Finally, she felt some give and she saw yellow. “Okay, now we’re getting somewhere.”

“Where did Shawn learn this trick?” Esme asked.

“College.”

“That explains a lot.”

Sarah continued working on loosening the base and remembered what Shawn called it. “I’m trying very hard not to call this a butt plug.” At Esme’s incredulous face, she added, “That’s what Shawn called it. It made my mom smack him on the back of his head. But in his defense, it’s at the base of the fruit and it’s basically like a plug.”

“I have a feeling that Shawn and Emmett would get along well,” Esme said.

“Honestly, yeah, they would.” She almost had the whole thing separated and juice was dripping down her wrist. That was not helping with not making more dirty jokes. “Although if Shawn were here, he’d probably just be one more person to irritate Edward.”

“Why is that?”

“Besides his mind living in the gutter, he also has a know-it-all tendency that would clash with Edward’s.”

“Ah.”

With a last crack, the pineapple base came loose. “Yes!” Sarah tossed it on the counter. “Now to break off these segments into chunks.” It was considerably easier to break them off than digging out the base. She held one up in triumph. “Look at that!”

Esme just laughed.

Sarah ate the chunk and it was like she’d never had a better pineapple. She broke off another, a deep sense of satisfaction kicking in. “Is this what it feels like to hunt down your food?”

“Something like that, yes.”

“I went to a lot of effort for this, so I better not be puking pineapple later. Do you hear me, peanut?” Sarah said, poking her baby bump. She got a light kick in response which she took as agreement. “Good girl.” Another side effect was a nasty case of hyperemesis gravidarum and she had joked to Carlisle that it made her feel like the patron saint of emesis. At least that had calmed down since she began to drink blood, but it still flared up. But as Sarah kept eating her fill, there was no sign of impending nausea.

“That sounded like a mom voice,” Esme said.

Sarah sighed. “Gotta practice it, right?”

The front door opened then and Carlisle’s voice called out a greeting.

“We’re in here!” Esme called. Carlisle appeared a second later, still dressed in his lab coat. Sarah waved at him with the pineapple as Esme asked him how work was.

“About the usual.” He eyed pineapple. “It looks like you two have been busy.”

“Yep. Here.” Esme handed Carlisle the pineapple base and Sarah could barely hold back a laugh.

Carlisle shot Sarah a wary look. “Er…thanks?”

“It’s a pineapple butt plug,” Esme said and she and Sarah dissolved further into a laughing fit.

Carlisle blinked. “Clearly I missed a lot.”

#twilightadvent23 #twilight #my fanfic #oc: sarah

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borninacloud · 2 years

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The Way We Were (2/3) - Steve Harrington X fem!Reader

summary: Following on from Part 1 we discover the reason behind Steve and Y/N's strained relationship and might even see some reconciliation.

word count: 6.7k (I lost control)

warnings: s4 spoilers, swearing/cursing, sexually suggestive remarks (only minor), and I think that's it?!

a/n: I'd suggest reading Part 1 for context! This starts in a flashback somewhere before the start of s3 and then switches to "present day" s4. Honestly I apologize for it being sooo long, things went from 0-100 between the first part and this. There's still one final part planned for this series which will be full of drama and possibly smut 👀 Feedback appreciated as always!

The Way We Were [1] [2] [3]

Masterlist & Requests!

Starcourt Mall, 1985

As Y/N stood waiting outside Scoops Ahoy she couldn’t help her eyes scanning the store, an antagonised looking Steve Harrington catching her attention.

In front of him stood a familiar head of black hair and Y/N chuckled, recognising the unstoppable force that was Erica Sinclair. It wasn't uncommon for the young girl to give him a hard time on the job, demanding too many free samples and taking a torturous amount of time to pick a flavour.

Y/N wandered over to the pre-teen, bound to do her good deed for the day. Of course, it wouldn't hurt if the good deed meant that she got to say a quick hello to Steve, either.

"Erica, give the guy a break won't you? It's bad enough that he's got to wear this getup in front of actual live people, he doesn't need you making his life any more difficult.” She appeared behind Erica, attempting unsuccessfully to hold back a mirthful smile as she caught Steve’s eye.

The girl in question turned to Y/N with a raised eyebrow, an otherwise deadpan expression on her features as an arm came to rest sassily on her hip.

"I don't know, Y/N. That doesn't really help me out in any way now, does it? I think you need to sweeten the deal."

"Fine, I'll pay if you're out of here in thirty seconds." Y/N levelled with her, pulling some cash from her purse and setting it down on the counter for Steve.

Y/N knew Erica through her old babysitting gig and to say that she wasn't the easiest of kids to look after was an understatement. Whilst she was rarely called to look after her any more, or any of the other kids for that matter, Erica and Y/N had managed to reach a mutual understanding and level of respect for each other over the years, though it hadn’t been an easy road getting there.

The secret, Y/N found, was to give Erica a bit more freedom and to ask less questions, and in return Erica would give Y/N a bit more respect and less cheek. Only slightly less, though.

The girls eyed each other for a moment before Erica beamed, turning back to Steve to order the largest cone Y/N's money would allow.

When Erica finally left the shop Steve turned to Y/N with a look of sheer relief, a genuine, heart-stopping smile on his face. It was hard to remember that he was just a friend when he could be so damn charming.

"Y/N, you're a lifesaver."

"It's nothing, I know she can be a handful so thought I'd come to rescue the damsel in distress." She winked at him, leaning on the counter and making herself at home.

"How can I ever repay you?" He grinned back at her, hand coming to rest over his heart dramatically.

"Oh, I'm sure I could think of a few ways."

Y/N knew she was being flirty, maybe a bit more forward than usual, but it wasn't out of character for her and Steve to throw around the odd suggestive comment to each other.

Not that either of them knew, but they had both been dancing around unspoken feelings for a while now. Neither was willing to be the first to admit it so they stuck to toeing the line of casual flirting, still testing the waters.

Sure enough Steve floundered for a second, caught off guard by Y/N's forwardness, before quickly recovering and fixing her with a characteristic grin.

"Yeah? I'd love to hear more about that, how about tonight? It's been a while since we hung out, you know."

"A while? Steve, we caught a movie last week." She laughed in earnest, shaking her head.

"Still, I've missed you - I mean, we've missed you, right Robin?"

"Smooth, dingus." The girl in question rolled her eyes as she scooped up a customer's order and handed it to them carelessly, "Nice of you both to stop flirting long enough to remember that I exist. Thanks for saving our asses with the brat, Y/N."

A light blush crept up Steve's cheeks at Robin's comment and Y/N felt her heart stutter, suddenly keen to avoid eye contact with him.

"Anyway," Steve continued hastily, shooting Robin a look of warning that seemed to amuse her more than anything, "You wanna come over tonight? We can watch Saturday Night Live, maybe order some-"

"Y/N! You coming or what?"

The sound of her voice being called from outside the shop caught her attention, Steve following her gaze to see none other than Billy Hargrove outside of Scoops Ahoy, standing as though he was waiting for the girl in question.

"What's he doing here?"

Y/N had the grace to look a bit sheepish. She knew the history between Billy and Steve having arrived at the Byers house last fall to the aftermath of their fight; a semi-conscious Steve bundled into the back of a car whilst Max alarmingly fixed blocks to the gas pedals - Y/N had put a stop to that immediately, of course - and Billy passed out on the living room floor.

It hadn't been a pretty sight and Steve had definitely come out of it worse off, but then there had been the more pressing issue of Will and the Mind Flayer to deal with.

Besides, that was a while ago now and things had changed, people had started to move on. She and Billy had both started as lifeguards at the pool together and although she wouldn’t exactly call him a friend, and probably never would after everything that had happened, he had gone out of his way to be, dare she say it, nice to her at work, though she couldn’t say why.

They’d just finished a busy Saturday afternoon shift and Y/N was starving, so when Billy offered to give her a lift to the Mall to grab something to eat she’d said yes, truly only thinking of the food and not about how it might look to anyone else, least of all Steve.

"Are you on a fucking date with him?"

Steve's tone and language caught her off guard, a complete shift from how upbeat he had been moments before.

"Steve!" Y/N reprimanded as a couple of Scoops Ahoy customers had turned their heads at his words, looking affronted.

Robin had also frozen at the outburst, mouth agape as she looked between the pair uneasily. Usually she'd be the first to jump in with a silly quip to dispel any awkwardness, but even she didn't seem to have any words to offer.

"Seriously, he beat the shit out of me and you're, what, dating him now?" Steve demanded, eyes fixed fiercely on Y/N. He couldn't bear to look past her to the guy in question again, just knowing that he would have a shit eating grin on his face.

"I'm not dating him, we work together, Steve." Y/N responded firmly. It was the truth, she had absolutely no interest in dating Billy Hargrove, "He just asked if I wanted to grab some food after our shift, it's nothi-"

"You can't go out with him, no way."

Y/N bristled instantly. If there was one thing she despised, it was being told what to do.

"What do you mean, I ‘can't'?" Her eyes flashed dangerously, challenging him to continue. He was evidently on a warpath as he immediately responded to her hotly.

"I mean you can't go out with that asshole, Y/N. He's literally the worst."

"You can't tell me who I can and can't date or hang out with, Steve."

"Yeah? Well how about this, you hang out with him, then you can forget about tonight!"

Y/N had never seen him this angry, let alone with her, and her heart hammered in her chest as she struggled to retain her composure under his furious gaze.

"Uh, Steve, I really think you should calm d-" Robin attempted to cut through the argument, mouth snapping shut and hands raising in surrender as Y/N bit back at Steve, completely ignoring her attempts to mediate.

"Fine! If that's how you're going to be, you can shove SNL up your ass, Harrington!" She turned on her heel, storming from Scoops Ahoy as unshed tears burned the back of her eyes.

Y/N didn't stop to greet Billy as she left the shop not wanting anyone, least of all him, to see the effect that the fight had on her.

She was already regretting the decision to grab something to eat with him, although surely there wasn’t actually anything wrong with that, was there?

Billy had simply offered to give her a lift and Y/N agreed, purely focused on the prospect of a greasy meal at Burger King after a long day working in the heat. Apparently that decision had been a big mistake.

Steve watched as Y/N practically ran from Scoops Ahoy, eyes betraying him as they landed on Hargrove who had been watching their exchange with a greedy interest. His grin widened at Steve, a taunting laugh leaving his lips as he followed after Y/N.

"Shit!" Steve cursed loudly, gaining even more disapproving looks from customers as he ripped off the stupid uniform hat, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. A few had already got up and left during the embarrassingly public fight.

"You need to apologise to her, dude." Robin said quietly but matter-of-factly from beside him.

He whipped around to look at her incredulously, "Me?! She's the one on a date with that asshole!"

"See, if you'd actually used your ears and listened, she specifically said they weren't on a date."

"Yeah right." Steve scoffed loudly, turning to serve a customer who was looking very awkward at being caught in the middle of a clearly intense conversation, “It’s Hargrove for christ’s sake. Of course it’s a date.”

He quickly filled their order and had to fight not to snatch the cash from their hand as they paid. He felt like throwing their change back at them too, not that any of this was their fault, he was just so frustrated and wanted everyone to disappear. Or maybe the ground would open up and swallow him, that could work too.

"Listen, Steve. Y/N is your friend right? You trust her. Why would she lie to you?" Robin reasoned, and he had a fleeting thought that this might've been the most sensible that she'd ever been, "Besides, she's right, you know. You can't tell her who she can and can't date unless you pull your finger out your ass and ask her out yourself."

"I-it's not like that. I'm just trying to look out for her." He lied, knowing full well that Robin had hit the nail right on the head.

If he was truthful, he was angry because he couldn't stand the thought of Y/N dating anyone else, let alone Billy fucking Hargrove.

The worst thing about it all was that he knew he didn't have any right to be upset over it, and instead of just confessing his feelings and asking her out like a normal person he had to go and blow up at her, probably ruining any chance he might've had.

He was sick of everything in his life turning to shit. Surely he was due a break at some point?

"Sure it isn't." Robin rolled her eyes, "While I might be younger than you, Steve, I wasn't born yesterday. It's so unbelievably obvious you two have the hots for each other. You're both just too chicken shit to admit it."

Steve hung his head, thanking god that the crowd in the shop had finally started to thin out, the last thing he wanted was any more of the population of Hawkins watching him have a meltdown.

"No way, she's too good for a loser like me."

"Oh please, spare me the dramatics." Robin threw her head back in exasperation, she'd be damned if she was going to give Steve another pep talk. He looked aggrieved, but she didn't give him time to reply as she pushed on.

"You two have been pissing me off with all your flirting and shit for weeks! Do you know how much I regret going to watch that god-awful Creature film with you both after work that time? Never again. She was pretending to be all scared so that you’d hold her hand, and you didn’t take your eyes off her for a damn second to even watch the movie - it was super annoying!" Steve's eyes widened at this, his mouth opening to protest, but Robin jumped in holding a finger up to silence him, "Oh yeah, I've got news for you buddy, you ain't that subtle!"

A long silence stretched out between them as a lone customer walked up to the cash register to order, Steve ringing them up and Robin scooping up the bubblegum pink ice cream to hand over.

When the customer was finally out of earshot, she turned to him with a gentler tone, but still firm nonetheless.

"If you're going to let one stupid fight ruin things with her then fine, but I don't want to hear any more about it. No moaning, no sulking, no nothing, you got it?"

He sighed, running a hand across his face before he nodded at her.

"Fine. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but do you think you could help me? I don't wanna screw it up any more than I already have."

"Sure thing, dingus. You need all the help you can get."

Resigned to the fact that, annoyingly, Robin was right, Steve resolved to apologise to Y/N.

He didn't think that he could quite manage actually asking her out at this point, but at least it'd be a start if she was willing to accept his apology. They could go back to normal, if nothing else.

That was how he found himself rehearsing his apology in the car the following evening, going over the words he'd come up with, assisted by Robin of course, under his breath as he drove over to Y/N’s place.

As he pulled up to her house he was still muttering to himself, but stopped suddenly at the sight of a familiar car on her driveway. Fucking typical.

Steve almost swung his car around and left right then and there, but Billy Hargrove had already left Y/N's house and was in the process of walking to his own car, so he decided to just avoid him and continue on with his plan as he brought his car to a screeching halt, throwing on the handbrake with unnecessary force.

Steve wasn't intending to speak to Billy, wasn't even going to look at him as he tried to remain focused on Y/N's front door, but as the men passed each other Hargrove spat out a tense greeting.

"What the hell are you doing here, Harrington?"

Steve ignored him, rolling his eyes as he continued up the drive in silence. Nothing good would come from engaging with Hargrove, he'd learnt that lesson several times.

"Just to warn you, I doubt she'll be up to much. We just finished a pretty heavy workout, if you know what I mean."

Steve's jaw clenched in an effort to stop himself snapping back, he was pretty certain that Billy was just trying to get a rise out of him, but he couldn't deny that it was starting to work. Anyone else, he thought, anyone else he could deal with. But this guy was something else.

"I'm sure you do, right? She's alright for an Indiana girl. Nothing special, but at least she's easy."

He swung around instantly at the comment, striding the few steps to meet Billy and they stood face to face, staring each other down.

Steve was almost physically biting his tongue to keep from lashing out, fists clenched tightly at his sides in the hope that by some miracle his glare would be enough to shut Billy up. It wasn’t, of course.

"Huh, maybe you don't know after all. I could describe it to you if you like, Harrington, her tight little -"

It felt like something in him snapped, a hot rage flashed over him at Billy’s words and Steve lunged forward, grabbing him by the collar of his stupid, half-unbuttoned shirt, and shoving him back into the side of his car.

Billy’s head struck the car door, hard, but he just laughed and Steve had to wonder if he actually enjoyed having the shit beat out of him. He was crazy.

"Steve!" Y/N's frightened voice came from somewhere behind him, "What are you doing?!"

He turned to see her running down the drive towards them, appalled gaze fixed on him. Great, things were just going from bad to worse.

"What's wrong with you two, I thought you were over all this!" She berated them, relieved that she’d been passing her kitchen window and had noticed the altercation quick enough to catch it before it progressed any further.

"Y/N, you didn't hear what he was saying about you." Steve looked to her imploringly, not wanting to hurt her feelings by telling her Hargrove's disgusting words, but needing her to know the truth. She frowned, opening her mouth to question him, but Billy jumped in before she could make a sound.

"Bullshit. Stop lying, Harrington, you just can't stand the fact that we're friends now."

"God, just shut up, will you!" Steve turned back to him, hands flying into the air wanting desperately to smack the smirk right off his face. He restrained himself, bringing his hands to his own head and grabbing at his hair in frustration instead.

"Steve!" Y/N called his name again reproachfully, her hand reaching out to touch his arm gently, "What's gotten into you? I've never seen you like this."

Both boys remained silent, Steve finally breaking the glaring contest to turn and walk a few paces away from Billy in an attempt to cool off. Of all the scenarios that had gone through his mind when preparing for this moment, this certainly hadn’t been one of them.

Y/N, reassured by the distance between the two that there wouldn't be any physical fighting, took the moment to glance back at her house and caught her mother's worried face at the window.

She addressed both boys firmly, "I think you'd better leave, both of you."

There was a beat of silence before Billy nodded, much to Steve's amazement, and bid Y/N goodnight as he started to climb into his Camaro.

As he turned away from Y/N he shot a grin and wink at Steve, clearly incredibly pleased with himself. Once in the car Billy brought the loud engine to life quickly, revving it a few times for god knows what reason before he pulled away, tyres screeching.

Steve hung back as the roaring of the engine faded into the otherwise calm evening.

"I don't get it, Y/N. Can't you see he's bad news?"

"Steve, I don't know what the big deal is.” Y/N sighed, pleading softly with him. She hated arguing, especially with Steve, but wasn’t prepared to back down when she hadn’t done anything wrong, “I know you have history and all, but I told you there’s nothing going on with Billy and I. Mom’s been having trouble with her car and I mentioned it at work, so he offered to come over and take a look at it for m-"

"Oh great, so now he's friends with your mom, too?" He responded sarcastically, eyes rolling. He hadn’t intended it to come out so bitter, but the prospect of Billy in her home charming her mother felt too personal, like something a boyfriend would do.

"That's not what I said, Steve. I wish you’d stop being so irrational about this!"

"And I wish you'd tell me the truth! You're fucking him, aren't you?"

He regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth, his stomach sinking at the look of utter betrayal on Y/N's face.

He didn't even believe what he was saying, really. He knew that Billy was just trying to wind him up, that Y/N wouldn't lie to him, yet there was a tiny voice in the back of his head that couldn't seem to stop whispering doubts into his mind.

He was a loser, after all, as much as he tried to put on a front. He'd flunked school, had a god awful job, and hardly had any friends besides a bunch of middle schoolers.

And then there was Y/N who had everything going for her. She was all things good; kind, funny, intelligent, pretty. God, she was so pretty it hurt, especially when she’d grace him with one of her dazzling smiles or laugh at one of his cheesy jokes.

She wasn't smiling now, though. Not even close, and it was all his fault. He hated himself for it.

"I can't believe you'd say that." Y/N choked out, face scrunched up in hurt and anger. The beginnings of tears twinkled in her eyes as she blinked rapidly to hold them back. She wouldn’t let him see her cry.

"I'm sorry. I-I don’t know why I said that. I'm so sorry Y/N, I didn't-"

He reached out to touch her hand, heart dropping even further as she snatched it back harshly, shaking her head at him.

"Get out of here, Steve. Go!"

He didn't know how he'd ever explain this to Robin. She'd told him it was a fool-proof plan, but apparently that wasn't the case. He was a fool, and he had managed to ruin it.

The Creel House, 1986

Y/N watched Steve and Nancy out of the corner of her eye, noting with a small pang of jealousy how easily they seemed to fall back into each other's company as she stood picking cobwebs out of his hair.

Y/N knew she shouldn't feel jealous, that she had absolutely no right to be. It wasn't like she and Steve were dating, or that they ever had for that matter. In truth, Y/N didn't even know whether they could still call themselves friends at this point.

She especially knew that she couldn't be precious over Steve being friendly with another girl, not when their problems had started the way they had. No, that would make her the definition of a hypocrite.

Steve and Nancy parted ways, Robin dragging Nancy down the hall to a different wing of the house as Steve rejoined Y/N in the room she was currently investigating.

She wasn't quite sure how they'd ended up together, but after Robin immediately paired off with Nancy, Steve had practically pounced on Y/N, steering her quickly up the stairs grumbling something about getting stuck babysitting again.

Y/N swung her flashlight around the room, squinting in the darkness at the eerie remnants of furniture and belongings left behind by the Creel’s. From the looks of it they were in the daughter's bedroom, with an unusual amount of dolls that looked like they were straight out of a horror movie scattered around.

“So… You and Nancy.”

It blurted from her lips like word vomit, almost an out of body experience as Y/N heard the words tumble from her without consent.

"What about me and Nancy?” Steve appeared genuinely confused at the question, a bemused frown on his face as he followed her aimlessly around the room. He honestly had no clue what they were supposed to be looking for, but hoped that she did.

"You two seem… Like old times. Are you guys back together?" She hid her face from Steve quickly, pretending to be engrossed in examining a particularly creepy looking doll as she outwardly cringed, silently cursing the betrayal of her own mouth that seemed hell bent on broadcasting her thoughts to the one person she was trying to hide them from the most.

“No, we aren't back together." He gave a short, humourless laugh and Y/N wondered briefly if he was irritated or amused at her for asking. She could understand if he was annoyed, after all she had given him a hard time about questioning her relationship with Billy.

Y/N set the doll down, turning around quickly to cross the room to get some space between her and Steve, embarrassed that she'd even had the nerve to ask him that question. She hoped that the distance would stop her stupid mouth from blurting out anything else she'd regret.

The thing was Y/N loved Nancy, she was kind and brave and an all-round badass, they were friends and Y/N admired her. If there was anyone that was worthy of Steve, it'd be Nancy. And Y/N would never resent them finding happiness in each other, even if she couldn't deny that the thought sat uncomfortably on her chest.

"Me and Nance are just friends, Y/N." She wasn't sure why Steve had felt the need to elaborate for her, or why he had followed her across the room again when they were both supposed to be searching it, but she couldn’t deny that she felt a bit brighter at his words,"Why do you care if we're dating, anyway?"

"I don't, I was just making conversation." She lied, shrugging her shoulders in what she hoped was a nonchalant way. She refused to meet his eye as she continued wandering around, pausing to open drawers and pick objects up wherever possible in an attempt to avoid any further interaction with him.

The whole trip to the Creel house wasn’t going well, they were supposed to be gathering information to help them fight against Vecna and all Y/N could think about was Steve.

"What’s going on with us, Y/N?" His words cut through her thoughts and she jumped, fumbling with a book that she'd been flicking through.

Steve wasn’t usually that upfront, at least not when it came to her, and she floundered, scrambling to find her words. Addressing their relationship, if you would even call it that, certainly wasn't on her list of priorities at that moment in time.

“W-what do you mean?”

“Come on, you know what I mean. Last night I thought maybe we were getting back to normal, and now you can barely even look at me."

"Now isn't the time, Steve. We're supposed to be-"

"When is the time?" He interrupted, snatching a trinket box that she'd been trying to distract herself with from her hands and placing it back down on the table firmly, "After we've all been ripped apart by Vecna? Y/N, what happened to us?”

Recovering from the shock of Steve's forwardness Y/N narrowed her eyes, irritated that he'd not only picked the most inappropriate moment to bring everything up, but mainly because he was acting as though he hadn't been the cause of the problem in the first place.

“You know exactly what happened.” She fixed him with a steely, unwavering look. Steve stared back at her for a moment before turning away and rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, you started dating that douchebag.” He muttered sarcastically. It was quiet, but from his tone he had intended for Y/N to hear him and it achieved the desired effect as she immediately bristled.

“See, this is the problem!” A hand shot up to pinch the bridge of her nose, she already had a god awful headache and this was just adding to it. Y/N stepped towards the door to leave despite having not searched the room properly at all, fed up at the prospect of another argument, “Since when is it any of your concern who I date, Harrington?”

Steve reacted quickly, grabbing her wrist before she could leave and spinning her to face him. He’d be damned if he'd let her slip through his fingers again, especially when they were in the midst of another life or death situation.

“Uh, since he was an absolute asshat, Y/N. And before you say anything, I know I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but you can’t deny that he was. I was just trying to look out for you."

“Well firstly, Steve, I never even dated Billy.” She responded matter-of-factly as he scoffed, disbelieving, “We just worked together like I tried to tell you a million times, but you wouldn't listen to me would you, you absolute bonehead!" She raised her voice at his scoff and lifted a hand to poke a finger in his chest angrily, fed up with how completely pigheaded he was being.

Steve ran a hand over his face, they were going around in circles and although he hated to admit it, he knew it was his fault. All because he couldn’t let go of the Billy thing which seemed so stupid now.

He glanced over at Y/N and despite her angry outburst she looked sad, eyes wide as though begging him to believe her.

“I don’t understand why you won’t believe me.” She said desperately, “After everything we've been through, I don't know what I did to make you not trust me?”

Steve hung his head, knowing she was right. He and Y/N had been through so much together from the Demodogs to the Russians, and everything in between. To think that he had let what now felt like something so small and insignificant come between them was laughable, if it hadn't caused them both so much hurt.

From the looks of it they were headed rapidly into a load more shit too, and Steve suddenly felt emboldened by the realisation. He couldn’t risk going into whatever was around the corner with Vecna without finally apologising to Y/N, without making things right.

He sighed heavily, “I'm sorry, Y/N. Believe it or not I've been trying to apologise to you ever since that day at Scoops, but I just keep screwing it up."

Steve knew he wasn't great at talking about feelings and emotions and all that crap. If he had to guess he'd probably say it had something to do with absent parents, but that was an issue for another time.

If there was one thing that the whole experience with the Upside Down had taught him, aside from how to kill a Demogorgon of course, it was that life was too uncertain.

So even if he had to fumble his way through the conversation sounding like a complete moron, he knew that he had to suck up his pride and not only apologise to Y/N, but to also tell her how he felt about her before it was too late.

"I-I guess when I saw you with him after everything that happened, I felt like you’d picked him over us… Over me.” Sure enough Steve found himself stumbling over his words, embarrassed at how ridiculous it sounded now that he was admitting everything out loud.

“Steve, that's not true. I wasn’t even friends with him, but you still made it seem like I had to make a choice between you.”

“I know, and I’ve regretted it ever since. I just-" He paused to take a steadying breath, preparing to be the most honest and vulnerable that he had been with a girl in a long time, "I couldn't stand to see you with him. The thought of you together drove me crazy, I was so jealous.”

“Why on earth were you jealous?” Y/N's brows knit together in confusion, all traces of anger or irritation were now gone from her voice, replaced with curiosity and perhaps a bit of hope.

“Because I wanted to date you.” Steve answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "And I couldn't get the stupid idea that you were with him out of my head. I should've listened to you, hell I should've just asked you out then and there! Maybe we could've avoided all of this."

“You wanted to date me?” A shy smile graced Y/N's lips and Steve felt his heart begin to race. If he didn't know any better he would've said that she looked happy, maybe even excited at the thought.

“Yeah, I mean, I thought I was obvious about it?” Steve huffed a laugh. Robin always said he was furthest thing from subtle when it came to Y/N, and thinking back to all the awful one liners that he'd used, and the ridiculous excuses he made to get to see her or be close to her, he couldn't disagree with his co-worker turned best friend.

Hell, one time he'd driven all the way out to a record store several towns over to pick up the new Dire Straits album for her after it had sold out in Hawkins.

When he'd turned up on Y/N's doorstep later that evening with the record in his hands, the smile on her face had been heart-stopping. She’d showered him with thanks, throwing her arms around his neck and giving him the tightest hug he'd ever known, before dragging him up to her room and putting the album straight on.

Steve insisted that it was no big deal, that he was already going there to run an errand for his parents anyway, but that wasn't true at all. Y/N's reaction was well worth all the traffic and wasted hours sitting in his car though, and his heart swelled as he sat on her bed watching as she danced around the room while listening to it for the first time.

When he finally left her that evening he wasn't able to control the dopey, lovesick smile that stuck to his face for the entire drive home.

Surely that had been an obvious indication that he saw her as more than a friend?

"I didn't know." Y/N replied truthfully, "I thought maybe… But you used to flirt with all the girls that came into Scoops. If I'd known…" She trailed off, averting her gaze to the floor nervously.

Despite Steve’s confession, a part of Y/N still thought it was too good to be true. She'd always assumed that flirting was just the default for Steve when it came to girls, she had never dared let herself think that he thought of her any differently, despite wanting it desperately.

"If you'd known, then what?" Steve pressed, reaching out to take her hand and squeezing it gently in encouragement. The action seemed to ground Y/N and she looked back up to him, feeling her confidence grow at the look of hope he held in his soft brown eyes.

"I was never interested in dating Billy, or anyone else for that matter. I thought it was obvious that I liked you too." She responded bashfully, a rush of excitement coursing through her at the admission.

She felt giddy at the realisation that all of the small moments she'd clung on to, the seemingly accidental touches here and overly flirty remarks there, they weren't just foolish hope on her part.

Steve actually did like her, he did see her as more than a friend and although it had taken them both too long to admit it to one another, Y/N still couldn't control the exhilaration she felt now that they had finally had.

"I mean, come on, Steve. Alien isn't scary." She grinned, falling effortlessly back into their familiar banter, "To tell you the truth, I love horror movies. I just used to let you pick them so I'd have an excuse to cuddle up to you on the couch."

Steve stood, dumbfounded for a moment, before breaking out into an equally broad smile.

"Yeah, well I hate them." He admitted with a chuckle and shake of his head, "I was always scared shitless trying to hold it together for you. Do you know how many sleepless nights I had over A Nightmare on Elm Street?"

They both laughed, Y/N’s head filled with the image of Steve wide awake at 3AM, sitting in bed holding a baseball bat to fend off Freddie Kruger. She wouldn't put it past him, she was sure he still had those makeshift ones in his closet to this day.

Steve recaptured her attention as he lifted a hand to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and Y/N suddenly found her laugh dying on her lips.

A nervous electricity ran through her at the contact, her body fighting to stop a shiver running up her spine as her eyes met Steve's steadily. His hand hovered next to her, hesitating for just a second before he lowered it to rest against her neck, a thumb brushing across her jaw softly.

“I guess Robin would say we've both been real dinguses, huh?” She whispered, voice suddenly small at the intimate touch.

“It kills me to say it, but I think I might agree with her for once.” Steve took a slow step towards her, brown eyes boring into hers. Y/N felt paralyzed, unable to move under the weight of his gaze as her heart hammered wildly in her chest in anticipation of what would come next.

“Y/N, I knew you were the one the moment you decapitated that Demodog at the junkyard - totally hot by the way." She laughed at his words, there was the same old Steve that she knew so well.

"Thing is, I’ve been a total coward. I should've told you how I felt from the start, but I need you to know now, even if you don’t feel the same. I totally understand if you don't, by the way, I know I’ve been a real jerk and-”

"Steve.” Y/N cut off his rambling, taking another step closer to him boldly. She opened her mouth to continue, but her voice caught in her throat as she saw his gaze flicker to her lips and back.

She swallowed, tongue darting out to lick her lips instinctively.

Steve's hand slid to the back of her head, tilting it back gently as his fingers buried themselves in her hair. He studied her face momentarily, taking in her features that he’d missed so much, before dipping his head to meet hers as her eyes fluttered closed.

“Jesus, what the hell is taking you guys so long?!” Dustin’s irritated voice cut through the room, shattering the moment and causing the pair to jump apart as if burned.

Steve threw his head back, cursing loudly as he turned to Dustin with a glare.

“What?" Dustin, completely oblivious at the moment he'd interrupted, frowned at them both. Steve looked absolutely furious, shaking his head slowly at the teen, and Y/N as though she'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing, Henderson.” Steve smiled sarcastically, it was taking everything in him not to wring the teens neck. That was the second time in the span of 24 hours that he'd ruined a moment between him and Y/N.

“Good. Can you both hurry up then? We’ve found something downstairs.” Dustin responded impatiently, tutting at them as he left the room.

“Sure, not like you were interrupting anything." Steve replied under his breath bitterly, watching his retreating back with venom. He turned to Y/N, disgruntled, "Is that kid ever going to give us a moment's peace?”

“I wouldn't count on it, Romeo. Come on, we’d better go.” She smirked, throwing a wink over her shoulder at him as she disappeared from the room.

Steve followed reluctantly, a smile working its way onto his face as he observed Y/N descending the stairs with a noticeable bounce in her step that definitely hadn't been there when they'd entered the house.

“By the way, did you call me a bonehead?” He called out to her, relishing the sound of her tinkling laugh as it floated up to him.

“You are a bonehead, Harrington."

tags: @rexorangecouny @xceafh

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x fem!reader #stranger things x reader #stranger things spoilers

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anything4any1 · 5 days

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An app for families to manage chores

You know, it’s pretty interesting how chores and allowances have been a thing in families for as long as anyone can remember. Some families see chores as just part of growing up and being part of the household, while others see them as something you get rewarded for doing. It’s like this age-old tradition that’s been around forever.

But what’s really cool is how things have evolved, especially with technology. Nowadays, there are tons of apps out there to help parents manage all this stuff. Instead of just giving your kid a few bucks and tossing it in a piggy bank, you can set up digital accounts for them. It’s like they have their own little bank right on their phone, with all these tools to help them understand money better.

And it’s not just about chores and money anymore. With FamHive, kids can learn about personal finance while they’re playing games or watching videos. It’s like sneaking in a little education while they’re having fun. It’s pretty neat to see how technology is changing the way we teach kids about money and responsibility.

What is FamHive?

FamHive is an app to help parents and kids to keep track of their chores/jobs and earnings.

How FamHive works

FamHive is a comprehensive family management app designed to streamline household chores, rewards, and meal planning. Here’s how it works:

Chore Planner: FamHive makes assigning and tracking chores a breeze. Parents can easily create a list of household tasks that need to be completed, such as cleaning, laundry, or taking out the trash. Each chore is assigned a point value.

Earn Points: When family members complete a chore, they earn points in the app. These points serve as a form of motivation and can be accumulated over time.

Reward System: FamHive offers a flexible reward system, allowing parents to choose between rewarding their children with stars or allowance. Parents can decide what works best for their family dynamics and adjust the reward system as needed.

Redeem Rewards: Once enough points have been earned, family members can redeem them for rewards. These rewards can be customized to suit each family’s preferences, whether it’s extra screen time, a special outing, or a monetary allowance.

Meal Planner: In addition to chore management, FamHive also includes a Meal Planner feature. Users can plan out their family’s meals for the week, create shopping lists, and access recipe suggestions all within the app. This helps streamline mealtime preparation and reduce stress associated with meal planning.

Honestly, FamHive has been a lifesaver for our family. It’s helped us stay organized, motivated, and connected — all while having fun along the way. If you’re looking for a way to streamline your family’s routine and make life a little easier, I highly recommend giving FamHive a try. Trust me, you won’t regret it!

Download FamHive on AppStore

#familychore #choreforkids #familyapp #choremanager #choreplanner

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sugareey-makes-stuff · 4 months

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For the end of year asks I have. So many:

2, 3, 10, 25, and 30!!! 💛💛💛💛💛

Hiya friend! Hell yeah, gimme all the q's! Here's what I've got after putting some thought into it for 2023:

2. How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!) Oh my God. I don't even know?!! I'm an artist at heart, but 2023 became a BIG writing year for me vs. art or craft making. Not by choice, since Adulting was really hard and everything was basically on fire, so I think I took up writing as a way to journal and cope tbh. My guesstimate between finished works AND WIPs together: I must have been working on at least 20 writing works. Which is kinda crazy...especially trying to do that for 2 fandoms. 😁

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer? I'm actually good at writing and extract Feelings when I'm given a limited word count. Like, I can somehow make the story work if I carefully choose my words and/or sentences since that word count makes sure I get to the point and I don't ramble on for too long. I've definitely been more aware of how I write depending on what it's for. Also, those short word counts have taught me to be cleaner or punchier. Which is always a good thing! I started writing microfics in 2022, and in 2023, I started writing more drabbles. When I signed up for a couple of fic exchanges, I graduated to writing short fics that were 2k or less. So, I think if I generally set some kind of word count for myself, that gives me a framework to determine how big the thing will end up being.

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on? OOO, that is a tough one! Okay, I honestly love Pink Lemonade (Sterek, T, 600 words with art) because it's a ficlet with art, and the whole creative process just flowed when I made this whole thing! I wanted to play more with silhouettes for art (which I think we'll see more of for 2024). And then I already had this little story planned out in my head, so I threw those words down. I think this was probably one of the easier works I've put together because everything cooperated. Also, soft boys! ♥️

25. What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.) Scrivener! That program has changed the way I write, and I swear by it every day! The features are awesome (hello to color coding and snapshots), but I absolutely love that I have the ability to link to internal and external links. Lifesaver for a geeky researcher. I feel like I can actually organize my drafts AND my notes without being a trash goblin, so I've definitely been willing to write more because of that. When I had a recent power outage though, I did actually do some paper and pen writing, which was pretty neat. It makes the idea more concrete, and you bet that's going to become a fic soon. It's about...well, being stuck in a power outage...surprise! 😂

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024? I technically want to write sooo many things but I will narrow it down to a couple. The first one would be another installment out for Where do we go from here? I miss making things for Perciver, but 2023 really didn't let me give them the TLC they deserve. I looked back at my fic doc the other day, and I'm glad past!Krissy wrote drafts for 2 possible installments. They've got legs, so it would be amazing to get both of them out! I also want to see if I can get at least one of my longer Sterek fics posted up as well. Maybe it comes down to taking the baby steps to see which one I can finish first...the 50k 10-11 chaptered Beast that I started a year ago, or the 10-15k 5 + 1 Things fic that I started a month ago. We'll find out, I'm sure!

Thanks so much for the asks!

__ Previously asked: 15 and 17 Want to ask me more writer q's? Let me know via the 2023 in review fic writer asks!

#asked and answered #ask meme #2023 in review #fic writer asks #ask game #about me #writing

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imjustheretoseetheprivateblogs · 10 months

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C x H Week 2023 Day 3: Carousel

@senshixshitennouweeks

Her laughter was the first thing he heard from her. He’d been working the carousel on the boardwalk to pay for seminary school (not many career opportunities for someone who could play the organ in the area). He saw her carrying a massive white unicorn plushy, the kind they were giving to winners at the ski ball game who got three hundred points or more. Her hair was her most notable feature, thick and done up in a double bun style which vaguely reminded him of rabbit ears. She wore a ruffled pink top and a pair of jeans. Pretty standard wear for the summer heat but she wore it so, so well. He almost forgot to start the music for the ride he was so busy watching her climb onto the white wooden horse she chose as her carousel steed.

As the ride sped up, more of that angelic laughter rang over the music he played and just made him giddy.

Who are you, he thought, and how do you just make everything so rosy?

The ride ran down and the girl left, joining what he assumed were her friends. Helios could curse the rest of his shift. How would he find her before she left? Already, she was disappearing into the sea of people. A quick check to see if anyone was watching. Helios rose and hoped that they could find an organist before he got back.

He’d been unable to find her between the food stands and the Ferris wheel. Not a single strand of pink hair anywhere.

“Looking for someone?”

From his grizzled rail thin appearance, some said Old Pete had been part of the boardwalk since it’s inception. He usually worked odd jobs around it, but no-one was really sure what he did exactly.

“Yes,” Helios replied, “have you seen a girl; pink hair, carrying a white unicorn doll?”

Old Pete stuck a piece of tobacco into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. Helios was unsure why he would still chew it with all everyone knew about the habit these days.

“Over by the roller coaster,” he said at last.

Helios thanked him and made a beeline for the coaster.

“And don’t worry about the carousel,” Old Pete called after him, “I took piano for five years.”

Honestly, Old Pete was a lifesaver.

Helios had not expected to be accosted by a unicorn plush when he arrived at the roller coaster. It was only after he removed it from his head did he realize that it was the same one the pink-haired girl was carrying. And suddenly, she’s there.

“Sorry,” she said, looking sheepish, “lost that on the ride.”

“It’s no bother,” he replies, handing it back to her. Their fingers brush and he’s conscious of it. Really, he should just forget how his heart’s tightening or that he was blowing off work to chase a girl and just go about his life.

“I’m Helios,” he says instead.

The girl smiles.

“My friends call me Chibiusa,” she replies.

#sailor moon #hxcweek #My Writing #CxHweek #C x H Week #Chibiusa #Helios #Chibiusa x Helios #Helichibi #Chibiheli #reblogs and likes appreciated

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cursezoroark · 3 months

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playing desolation, and by the time I post this I will have Caught up to Desolation! This is my own opinion and review on the game! For the record I've only played Rejuv and now Desolation of the entire series. In terms of pokemon fangames i have played ep 1 of Flux , Gaia, and Unbound. Disclaimer and TLDR: the game is Very good as I expected I had fun :] . The devs worked their ass off and the fact this game is free and has this much shown effort is so awesome. when ep 7 comes out i Will be reviewing once again. It wont be for more than a year though given the recent dev update. either way!

Pros:

I love the spritework sort of thing for the dialogue, when important characters come on. It's very pretty!

the credits system is gen p interesting. motivator for getting exclusive pokemon and items and even the capsules + mints, which imo is much better than the AP system that was in rejuv. its more easier to achieve and more incentive.

also HELL YEAH sidequests! I loved the tidbits of main lore u get from certain ones, and certain choices. Inch resting!

The difficulty still makes me work Hard to think but doesn't kill me with a bajillion reset and planning so that's all fair and good 👍 the only one I had to rlly drive home for was Jarred. Jesus fucking Christ. i had valerie flashbacks from rejuv but its worse cause it was a DOUBLE BATTLE.

the SPARKLES. lifesaver for me who loves the shiny sprite reworks in this game. i have a beautiful shiny greninja, umbreon, hydreigon, and vikavolt. Vikavolt is my favorite shiny i love whoever reworked that. Jade is so so pretty :]

the music is KILLER. Vs Shiv and Vs Nova is Good. Very Good. honestly the ost choices here rock. one of the best ost selections i enjoyed it very much.

interesting story! I can sort of peel bits of it off and it'll probably come back later to haunt me. Act 3 REALLY ramps up stuff so it did sweep a good amount of confusion I’ve had since the beginning. Act 3 was great. I miss Tristan. Nova's character is Great when it reaches a certain plot point.

I love the rangers bases, and the sidequest lore does build up nicely on the side. its starting to interfere with the main story too which hmmmmmmm hm hm hm. i will wonder about that.

Criticisms/ personal nitpicks:

i mentioned this above but i wish the ui for sidequests was a bit more clear. Like location wise, where to go, and all that. Icons above characters would rlly help me distinguish things.also PLEASE add flashing settings and shaking sets automatically to the options board pls pls pls.

I hope there will be more featured fields in the future. I did mention this was the more lax difficulty ive been through involving fields, and i watched playthroughs of reborn and played rejuv myself. (idk if theres more games with the field system but do let me know its literally one of my fav things). Like it went from oh God to oh ok to hmm to Oh God like a cycle. Though I think that’s just on my team balancing rlly

Please..... more TM versatility. While it does allow me to get creative with my team choices, it also limits what I can actually do. My TM pool is so low and i want to get creative so bad :']]]. The TM shop at Sunshell was a huge improvement though. very stingy though at lvl 65-70s though.

i Do Not like the maps for specifically silver forest and blackview. Its either very cluttering and makes me walk in Direct Circles, or leaves me very lost when im searching for a specific area. I do get the "open area" aspect of Silver mountain though, and it was easier once I got all the bridges down but still yk? but i literally couldn't find the move relearner Anywhere in blackview. it took me forever.

I wish i had more time to spend with some of the characters (Scarlett particularly) so i could rlly grow attached. I do understand that these are mostly main plot points blasting off from each other, but i just wish I could have had more interactions with the characters? More funny dialogue, more MC options to talk and affect relationship values, yk? I do anticipate an arc for a particular someone coming up though. so we'll see. the plot did do a rlly good job at the ceilia leaders though I adore All of them.

some of the language i winced at. idk if its just me so ill leave this one in the air. i dont know how to feel because im muddled.

In a way, because the plot blasts off one another, the room for me to acknowledge the changes in characters or their relationship between each other was a bit small. Like Connor and Scarlett, I think I only got like two cutscenes or tidbits of their entire growing friendship, so it didn't rlly hit me when The Scene Happened. Either way I do like themboth thumbs up.

SPOILERS THOUGHTS DO NOT READ IF U HAVENT PLAYED OR DO NOT WANT TO KNOW:

I ADORE Cecilia’s leaders. I’ve seen complaints how we seem to be Stuck There for some time and. Yeah I can sorta agree with that. Despite being Rlly Huge it also makes me Yearn for the Routes yk? either I love them all I Adore them dearly. Garrett is my favorite he got to me. Reeve and Rosetta and Aaron are all so very charming in their dynamics and gym leader squabbles.

Waldenhall is a Great Character in his introduction holy shit what an impact this guy had. also artem's sprite made me laugh so hard because their (idk their gender) portrait is just staring straight at the camera whats up w that.

Conclusion:

Should you play this game? YES. its quality is amazing, the artwork is insane, the gameplay is so good for pokemon fans who enjoy a good challenge, and want to get into some existential crises. In general, this series is So Far the easiest in the reborn deso rejuv trio. but it doesn't by far make it bad, or a cakewalk for players. Have a good ol time with it. My criticisms are my own nitpicks, but i rlly admire how much effort devs put into their fangames, by semblance of story, custom art, custom maps, etc. appreciate them lots and lots more. This game in particular weighs your choices a lot more, so you rlly have to snoop around for a particular result that you want. all in all lots of good fun!

Hope to review this again in Ep 7! and here's a goodbye from my Current Team :]

#talk #jj reviews #pokemon desolation

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teaveetamer · 2 years

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I'm sorry to hear you rage quit Sacred Stones :( it's actually my 3rd favorite FE game. However, I strongly agree with this statement you made: "I also miss being able to see the enemy range of every unit all at once." 100% this. That's the quality of life feature that I miss the most when I go back to play older FE games. The ability to click on range by individual enemies and enemies as a whole. That button is taken for granted in modern FE games and it's a lifesaver! I wish older games had it

I'd be willing to go back to it just... not any time soon lol.

I also recall people complaining about the enemy ranges making the game "too easy" haha. Honestly again, they're such a nice thing to have. A lot of my issue with older FE games isn't even necessarily that they're hard, it's just that sometimes they're unfair? Like if you miss ONE enemy off in the background and forget to check their range, then accidentally leave your healer there and they get killed... that's not really your fault? It's hard to see every single enemy on the map and make sure you check all of their ranges! If you knew they could hit there then obviously you wouldn't have put your healer there. Now you have to restart the entire map because you missed one tiny detail somewhere.

I could also do a whole thing about how "difficulty" often comes at the cost of accessibilty for certain populations... like I have ADHD, I am prone to missing that one tiny detail because I'm trying to get through the turn. And skimming over every single tile looking for enemies to turn the range on for, or worse, trying to keep track of all the overlapping enemy ranges for the games that don't even let you turn on enemy ranges individually, is a nightmare. And then the punishment is "haha you just wasted three hours of your life because your brain skipped over this one tiny thing/couldn't keep track of it all at once and you messed up, restart the whole thing!" is. Ugh. I won't say I've ever cried over it but I might have thrown the laptop.

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lambdalibrary · 2 years

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The Book of the Unnamed Midwife

Triggers

rape and sexual slavery, abuse, childhood sexual assault and child marriage, suicide, child death, homo/biphobia, a bit of transphobia, misogyny, religion, racism, a character is drugged against their will, and I honestly would kind of describe it as a small forcefem section at the ending?

Summary

The Book of the Unnamed Midwife is a post apocalyptic gendercide novel. An unknown virus killed almost all of humanity, where women and children had a higher fatality rate, leaving basically a ten to one ratio of men to women. Because this is a gendercide novel it explores ideas of gender and patriarchy in a world where society has completely collapsed, the triggers above should give you some information as to how those ideas are explored. Because of those triggers we see women in this novel deal with this danger in their own ways, with the protagonist dressing and acting as a man throughout the novel.

Specific to this novel though, is the topic of birth and pregnancy. Not only were women particularly effected by the virus, but the infant mortality rate increased to 100%. So, the titular unnamed midwife, while scavenging for supplies like any post apocalyptic protagonist also scavenges for methods of birth control and abortion. For obvious reasons, it's refreshing to see media treat birth control and abortion as lifesaving healthcare.

Links

Openlibrary link (audio book available)

Meg Elison's website featuring her other works

The YouTube video I heard about this book from, which includes other bisexual book recommendations if you'd like to check it out :)

Thoughts

So this is a book I really enjoyed but not for any of the reasons people will recommend this book. Except for maybe the approach to birth control and abortion I mentioned in the summary. What I liked is how granular the details about survival are, the day to day life after the apocalypse, which I thought was written really well. For me that's something that really pulls me into the world and the conflict, but I can definitely see that going the opposite way for others, in that it could be too slow or repetitive.

I also really liked the occasional changes in perspective. We as the reader, despite the framing device of the midwife's journal, aren't always in her head. We get snippets of writing from other characters who cross paths with the midwife and later find out how their stories ended after they left her, which expanded the plot and the rest of the world in a nice way. It allows us to see even more of the reactions to the collapse of society than we would otherwise get which is important when you're examining that as the central idea of your novel, especially in regards to how the collapse of society would affect women.

And here's where I'm going to get into the things I'm more ambivalent to negative about, which are also the reasons people will tell you to read this book and others like it.

Again this is a gendercide novel, where not only has society collapsed, it has collapsed and left more men than women. Without a coherent civilization, people are living solely to survive or solely for pleasure. But since this is a world where women are rare, violent misogyny has come out in full force. And I'm not sure how much I like this framework, which you see often in these novels, to analyze patriarchy and misogyny.

Two, caveats here: one, this is not me going #notallmen which will hopefully already come through if I phrase things the way I want them but I want to put that up front. Two, I don't really care about spoilers but the rest of the review will contain spoilers from here on out for those who do. I would recommend going in spoiler free but also it's impossible for me to analyze the things I want to without at least vaguely discussing middle portions of the novel.

Okay. So. When we talk about post apocalyptic novels, we're often dealing with authors saying intentionally or not, that this is what humans are like without society. Often, it's humans at their worst, desperate to survive at any cost and sometimes contrasted with people trying to rebuild society in the way they see fit.

When there's a feminist angle to this premise and especially when there's the imbalanced ratio of men to women you see in gendercide novels, we're then discussing specifically men and their misogyny at its worst.

Without society in this novel, we see men within months of the virus decimating humanity viewing women as literal commodities to be traded like food and water, forcing women into sexual slavery, and running after the protagonist to kidnap her and do god knows what the second they see she's a woman.

And here's where I'm conflicted. Obviously, misogyny and problems like human trafficking, rape, and domestic abuse are already common today and I'm not disputing that these issues would get worse with any kind of horrific disaster. We already see that too. But its important to make a distinction between misogyny caused by an array of societal conditions and pressures, and it being inherent.

Obviously these men were alive before the virus, and while society may not be acting on them at the present, they're still carrying over the same values until they come in conflict with them. But what they represent is the equation of men without society, and often men without women. Which makes them desperate and violent for any woman in this story. To me, I feel conflicted because as its presented in the novel, its not bioessentialist, but it doesn't seem to push back on that idea very hard either. Instead it seems to say that this is the eventual outcome of every man, even the ones who are nice to the protagonist. For example, we see the protagonists one time love interest or well, fuckbuddy is more accurate, who once brought her books only written by women end up marrying a child bride he rescued and once treated like his daughter once his wife dies. The theme is that while it may take some time, sex is such a priority to men that they will seek it no matter how violent and disgusting the ways eventually because of their misogyny and inability to see women as human, rendering them interchangeable. And I'm not sure how well that works as a framework. I think its more important in feminist works to discuss not how society holds men's misogyny back, but how it enforces it instead.

And I think I wouldn't have such a problem with the examples I gave if Elison did not also show the way society enforces misogyny very clearly. One section of the novel has the protagonist stumble upon a community of Mormons, still clinging to their religion and way of life in the middle of the hell around them. That includes enforcing gender roles and subservience in the few women in the community. In fact, the situation around them makes them enforce those roles harder in the name of safety. And its a perfect example of showing society and especially religiously enforced misogyny. Which, for obvious reasons, feel way more important to discuss, but its only a portion of the novel.

While we're talking about this novel's approach to gender, I'd also like to say I'm ambivalent on how Elison approaches her protagonist's gender as well. What I expected going in was much less groundbreaking than what I got. The protagonist never really felt like anything more than a cis woman to me personally. In fact, there's very little reflection on her own gender, even though she's full time presenting as a man for her own safety. And it never felt like anything more than that to me. I'm putting the nonbinary tag anyways because I'm not sure, I think this could read differently for other people than it did for me and they might appreciate it more. Other trans people never show up in the novel, except for offhand mentions of them existing and a very...unclear situation at the end that made me put forcefem in the trigger warnings. I wouldn't say this is exactly a problem in the novel, just a blind spot that I think could have been more explored. I can't lie, I was comparing this to Manhunt a lot as a was reading, which is why I wanted more on the subject of gender and gender identity specifically in this world.

One last thing I want to add as a warning is that and I feel like I shouldn't be the one to say this as I am also white, but the writing at times felt very white when it came to characters of color. Its nothing that hasn't been seen before, but I felt like I should warn for it. Especially when there's a very egregious example where the protagonist asks herself if she's wandered into Saudi Arabia when she steps into the Mormon community which, like... just don't.

This is definitely a book which left me very conflicted, but in a way that's good. It's stuck with me, I finished this book weeks ago and I just now finished the review because I kept thinking about how I wanted to phrase things, whether I was reading it right, what I was really saying and what the book was really saying. I think that was worthwhile. Or at least it made me ramble a lot oh my god.

#the book of the unnamed midwife #meg elison #lgbt #lgbtq #bisexual #nonbinary #bookblr #book rec #book recommendations #lgbt books #sci fi books #post apocalyptic #road to nowhere #road to nowhere series #book review

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