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#he’s so funny and prolly serious too
fellowcaniac · 3 months
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mysterious-ocarina · 4 months
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No Control
marauder!Sirius Black x fem!reader
(A/N 1, im american so i’ll prolly get alot of british slang wrong, or just call stuff by what americans say) ( A/N 2, this is kinda an au where Sirius doesn't move in with James and is stuck with the Black family. I had a lot of trouble figuring out what family to put the reader in that would fit my plot and I just ended up putting you in the nott family. I guess if you really wanna think about it (pls don't think too hard about it), your brother is the father of theo nott?) (A/N 3, check this out if anyone wants an explanation of why i've been gone from tumblr for so long)
Warnings: definitely angsty but with some sprinkles of fluff, lots of mentions of abuse (nothing graphic is shown, it's just described to have happened a lot in the past), this is an arranged marriage trope but not enemies to lovers trope, lots of misogyny (lately i've been feeling angry at the world and it's views of women so here is me trying to comfort myself. Sirius black is a woman lover fr). let me know if there is anything else i need to tag cuz this is my most serious fic yet
Main Masterlist HP Masterlist Requests AO3
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(5.6k words)
Sirius Black. A name that's known by the majority of the Hogwarts population. And a face that is known (maybe a little too personally) by many wizards and witches at Hogwarts. But not to you.
You've only ever heard about the notorious Sirius black and the gang of hooligans called the Marauders. You've never got to meet any of them personally. You occasionally would see some of them around, but never Sirius. As a Slytherin, you often ran into his brother, Regulus, but you've never really talked to him either, only ever exchanging pleasantries. 
It was actually kind of surprising that you've never talked to the Blacks before. You both came from pure blood, supremacist families and both you and Sirius were known to be a bit rebellious against your families (or just rebellious in general).
But none of that matters, when your parents force you to come home for the holidays and basically shatter your resolve. 
At Hogwarts, away from the prying eyes of your family, you were most like yourself. Rebellious, outgoing, funny, and even kind. But under the roof of your family's expensive manor, you were nothing more than a quiet, obedient little girl, who's value was determined by whichever man was in charge of her. The perfect, pureblood daughter.
Just as your mother was and is, you are basically a slave to your own blood, specifically your brother and father. And as soon as you're married (arranged to a pure blood. no doubt, without your consent) you'll have to be an obedient little wife for your husband. 
The perfect, doting, obedient, docile, pureblood wife. It was all a load of rubbish, you thought, but you would keep the facade up in order to keep the abuse at bay. You learned pretty early on that speaking up for yourself and speaking out of turn was not going to be tolerated.
You were silently eating dinner with your family. Your father and brother were quietly speaking about matters that even if you and your mother cared, neither of you would be allowed an opinion on.
“Honey, we’ll be having important guests for tomorrow's dinner. So make sure you look your absolute best,” your mother spoke to you. She gave you a sympathetic smile knowing the “show” you both would have to put on in front of guests.
“Okay. Am I allowed to know who these guests are?” you swallowed down your food. You were filled with nerves, thinking about what kind of important guests you were going to have.
Your mother bent down closer to your ear, “I’m not supposed to be telling you this-” she shot a quick look to your father to make sure he wasn’t listening, “but it’s the Black family. I’m not sure why they are coming. All I know is that it’s important business with one of their sons.”
You put your fork down on your plate, placing your hands down on your lap in front of you. You let your thoughts wander and only grew more worried. What kind of important business did one of the Black brothers have with your family? To help a little with your nerves, your mother placed a comforting hand on yours before going back to her meal.
The rest of your night was uneventful after that, until you went to bed. You stayed awake for longer than you should have, your mind way too loud to allow you to sleep. You ran through a list in your mind about the millions of different “important business” that the Black family could have with yours. But none of it made sense why they would eat dinner with us. Usually important business was settled in your father’s study, as it was improper for the ladies to be present.
Eventually, you were able to fall asleep and then the next day would start. You woke up late, which was extremely unappreciated by your brother, who was expecting his morning coffee like usual. You were promptly punished, not only by being woken up by him screaming at you, but also with a beating.
You spent the rest of the day trying to find an appropriate outfit for the dinner that would cover the red marks and newly forming bruises on your arms. Your mother lessened the pain of the marks a little during the day but there wasn’t much else that you could do.
Sometimes when you both sat and drank tea, you would often dream together about running away from all of this. The blood supremacy, controlling men, and just downright evil families. But those thoughts and dreams were quickly quelled when the sound of the men's voices could be heard, calling for the maids- I mean women.
Both you and your mom knew, these were only dreams. It was impossible for purebloods to leave the life that they were born into.
You and your mother waited in the foyer, waiting for the guests to arrive. Your dress was rubbing against the lashes on your skin, making you scratch your arms in irritation but soon stopped when your mothers hand landed on yours.
“You’ll only make it hurt worse. Plus, you know you can show any discomfort in front of the guests,” she said softly. She was trying her best to sound comforting but it only served to remind you of the show you both are forced to put on and the lives you’re stuck living.
A knock was heard and muscle memory forced wide, fake smiles onto both of your faces. Your mother opened the door and welcomed the Black family, “Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Black. I hope you had safe travels here.”
As soon as they crossed the threshold, you were in front of them offering to take their coats. They handed them to you as Mrs. Black spoke, “Thank you for having us, Mrs. Nott.”
“My daughter will show you to the dining room while I finish up making dinner,” your mother informed before quickly making her way towards the kitchen.
After you finished hanging up Mr. and Mrs. Black’s coats, you finally had the chance to look at the two Black brothers. Being in his house, you immediately recognized Regulus, who gave you a tight smile. You then looked over to who you assumed was Sirius.
He certainly was as attractive as the girls at Hogwarts always seemed to make him seem. But he wouldn’t make eye contact with you. He was looking toward the ground, still keeping his posture ramrod straight. He had the same look and body language as someone who had just been beaten for disobedience. A look you were familiar with.
Before anyone could get angry with you, you spoke up, respectfully, “If you would follow me, please.”
With your head down, you brought the family to the dining room. Your father and brother both stood up to shake hands with the Blacks. You stood behind your seat, waiting for the men to sit down first. Your father and Mr. Black sat down and engaged in conversation. You watched Regulus take the chair next to his father and looked to see where Sirius was. You were surprised to find him right next to you.
You backed up, unsure why he was standing there. Of course, you would give up your seat if he asked you to. But all he did was pull the chair out and motion for you to sit down. You sat down and thanked him as he pushed the chair in, “Thank you, young master Black.”
In the corner of your eye, you saw your father give a nod at your use of the title. Salazar, you sounded like a damned house elf. But that was the proper way you were to address him.
Sirius scrunched his nose at the title but gave you an understanding smile, “You’re welcome.”
He surprised you once more by taking the seat directly next to yours. You kept your mouth shut, knowing it was best to keep your curious thoughts to yourself, but you did shoot him a kind smile.
Dinner started without a hitch, conversation mostly being between Mr. Black and your father, your mother and Mrs. Black conversing a little bit with each other too. You, your brother, and both Black brothers mostly stayed silent and ate the meal.
Throughout the entire dinner, when nobody was looking, you had been rubbing at your irritated arm in discomfort. You don’t know how long Sirius had noticed but he grabbed your hand under the table just as you were going to bring it back up again. He continued to eat his meal with his other hand, looking like he wasn’t holding your hand under the table at the moment.
At your confused glance, he leaned closer to your ear, whispering, “I know what you’re doing. It’s just going to make it hurt more, the more you keep messing with it. Just squeeze my hand instead.”
He went back to eating, glancing around to find that no one noticed him whispering to you. You squeezed his hand a bit hard as you went back to eating too. Instead of wincing or doing anything to show discomfort, all he did was rub his thumb soothingly on yours.
The butterflies Sirius stirred up in you was enough to distract you from your irritating arm for the rest of the dinner.
“Now,” your father started, rubbing his napkin on his mouth and setting it down on the table, (the universal sign for “stop eating and listen to me”). “Mr. Black and I have recently come to an agreement.”
Sirius squeezed your hand in comfort as his father spoke up, “Seeing as Ms. Nott is the same age as my Sirius, we have arranged for the two of you to be married. It will be after the both of you graduate from Hogwarts.”
Those words echoed in your head as you looked up to the two fathers in shock. Your silverware clattered as it fell from your hand onto your plate. You must have been breaking the bones in Sirius’ hand, holding it as tight as you were.
Despite the fact that you knew it was a bad idea, your adrenaline forced you to speak up, “You can’t do that, father. You can’t just force me to marry someone that I just met.”
The tears in your eyes didn’t fall, years of “training” keeping them from falling.
Your brother gave you a harsh glare at your disrespect. Suddenly your father stood up, slamming his hands on the table. Staring straight at you, his commanding voice not loud but still thundering all the same, “I can, and I will. Do not forget your place in this family and this world. You will do as I say until you are married. Then you will be your husband’s to command.”
In a haste, you let go of Sirius’ hand, placing your hands on the table to stand up. Sirius, thinking quickly, kept you from getting up by grabbing your legs under the table. That didn’t stop your mouth from speaking harshly, “I am nobody’s to command or control.”
Before you could say anything more, your father reached across the table and slapped you across the face. You held your cheek in shock. He’s hit you before but never in front of guests. The entire table sat in shocked silence.
You looked down at your lap, willing your tears not to fall. You noticed Sirius’ hands clenched in his lap, he looked like he was shaking in anger, but his face had a practiced neutral expression. Regulus’ eyes were wide as he looked at you but had no other reaction at the scene that just transpired. The both of them knew not to speak up.
Your brother had a satisfied smirk on his face. You could just hear the thoughts in his head right now. Thank Salazar, someone put her in her place, his face screamed.
Your father sat down and looked towards Mr. Black, “I’m sorry for my daughter’s behavior. I hope you can forgive me for her impudence.”
Mr. Black simply waved his hand in dismissal, “It’s alright. I understand how women are.”
Picking up his whiskey glass, your father sighed, “It’s a shame we can’t put off the marriage to fix her. Maybe your son will be able to crack her.”
Mr. Black took a swig of his whiskey too, “We can only hope. If not, I can think of a curse that surely helped to fix up my Sirius.”
Sirius tensed up next to you. Your father had never used the Cruciatus Curse on you, but it was clear what Mr. Black was referring to and your father seemed to quite enjoy the idea. The two men simply laughed as if that curse wasn’t named an Unforgivable Curse. They laughed, as if your pain was nothing more than entertainment to them.
The dinner went back to normal for the two men and your brother, not noticing the tension felt between the rest of the group. This time, you grabbed Sirius’ hand under the table and rubbed it soothingly. He let out a shaky breath and squeezed your hand.
Losing your appetite, you spent the rest of the meal sitting in silence, holding hands with Sirius. Your thoughts ran completely wild. You were going to be married to him, for the rest of your life, and you had only spoken once. You didn’t even speak. He whispered to you and you listened. Thinking more about it, there are worse boys that you could have been forced to marry.
At Hogwarts, Sirius was known for being rebellious and against his family's traits and values. Salazar, the boy was sorted into Gryffindor, the opposite of his entire family. But what if that was just in the public eye. You didn’t know anything about Sirius except for what you’ve heard from others. For all you knew, the moment you and he were alone, he would revert back to his family’s pureblood values and abuse you just as most pureblood husbands did to their wives.
No, you quickly thought, stop it. You tried to think about the entire situation with a rational head. Throughout the entire dinner, he did nothing harsh towards you. He offered comfort when your arm was bothering you. He kept you from standing when you argued with your father (who knows how much worse the situation could have escalated if you actually, physically stood up to him). He did his best to offer you comfort without your families knowing it.
He’s not an abuser, you rationalized with yourself. You felt the way he tensed up at the mention of the Cruciatus Curse. He would not be like your father or your brother.
After dinner, you were sent straight up to your room. Before you were separated, Sirius softly spoke to you, “Don’t worry, darling.”
His smile reassured you by a fraction, as you got ready for bed. Maybe all of it won’t be so bad.
You didn’t see Sirius, or his family, at all the rest of the holidays. The next time you did see him was on the train back to Hogwarts. You were simply looking for an empty carriage to settle in, when you noticed Sirius coming towards you.
He grabbed your suitcase and brought it to what you presumed was the carriage he was going to be in. You simply followed him, shrinking under the glare that some of his fangirls were throwing your way.
Once the door was shut and you were alone, he finally spoke up, “So, how are you?”
You sat in the seat opposite of him. You were unsure how to proceed, so you took the safe option and responded, “I’m fine, master Black.”
He opened his mouth in shock, before quickly wiping the look from his face, he basically pleaded, “Please don’t call me that.”
“But-” you went to protest, but he cut you off.
“At least, don’t call me that when we aren’t near our families,” he dismissed what you were going to say. All you could do was stare at him. It really did seem he wasn’t like his family.
Growing embarrassed under your stare, he shyly spoke back up, “I hope you know that you can act like you normally do when you’re around me.”
You looked away from him, face flushing, “This is how I normally act.”
He leveled you with a look, “We both know that’s not true. I don’t know you well but I’m sure you have a number of choice words to call me.”
Seeing the amused smirk on his face, your facade broke. You slightly smirked right back at him, “I don’t have any words to call you… Our fathers on the other hand…”
Sirius’ smirk turned into an almost awestruck smile. Before he could say anything back at you, a gaggle of boys had burst into the carriage.
“Pads, you’ll never guess who sent me a letter during break,” James Potter excitedly said. He went to sit across from his friend only to just now notice you. You gave him a sweet smile.
“Who’s this?” James asked, sitting next to Sirius and throwing his arm around him.
Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin followed James into the carriage, taking their seats. Everyone gave you curious but welcoming looks.
Sirius gave you a look, which you nodded to.
“Put up a silencing charm. I’ve got a story to tell you,” Sirius replied, causing the boys to perk up.
The next hour or so was spent with Sirius explaining your arranged marriage to his group of friends. You were relatively silent, not yet comfortable talking to his friends. He left out the parts where you were abused and berated but didn’t spare the details of his own abuse. It seemed he was comfortable sharing what he goes through to his friends. And evidently you too, since you were there listening too.
This was how you found out that he knew about the betrothal before you did. Apparently, he found out just moments before going to the dinner. He tried to refuse his father (the same way you had, you noticed) and received a beating for his insubordination. That would explain the look he had when you first saw him.
You cringed a little, hearing that he was hit but he gave you a reassuring smile. His friends were also really kind and sympathetic to the entire situation. No wonder he seemed comfortable sharing his familial trauma with them, they were extremely supportive.
“Can they really do that?” James questioned, from next to Sirius.
You sighed and crossed your arms, “Unfortunately, yes. There isn’t anything that we can do to avoid it.”
Remus looked up thoughtfully, “Is it possible for you guys to run away from your families?”
You thought about it, “Hypothetically, we could run away from our families and the blood supremacy world, but it would be extremely difficult.”
Sirius spoke up, “Trust me, I’ve debated it my entire life. If we ran away from our families, no doubt we would be financially cut off from them.”
You added, “Not only would we have to somehow have enough money for a place to live, but we would also need to find a job, to keep the place to live. And trust me, families like ours have a lot of power in the wizard world. One word from them, and no one would want or be able to hire us.”
Peter muttered, “That’s horrible.”
Sirius sighed and slouched in his seat, “You’re telling me.”
“Thinking about it, Sirius, you need to put your womanizing ways away. A married man shouldn’t be parading around with any woman that gives him attention,” you added with a teasing smirk.
“You make me sound like a cheap whore,” Sirius replied with a pout.
“You’re not?” James was quick to rebuttal, causing you to laugh at the offended face Sirius gave the both of you.  It didn’t take long for the entire group of you to dissolve into laughs and giggles.
Sirius smiled at you, teasingly, “Well how about you? I’m sure your long line of lovesick fools will end up sobbing at the news.”
You glared playfully at him, “I don’t know any lovesick fools. I actually swore off dating a long time ago so this doesn’t affect my love life at all.”
Remus looked at you in bewilderment, “Went from swearing off dating straight to marriage.”
“Quite the jump,” you simply offered in reply. “At least I’m stuck with Sirius and not some blood supremacist twat like my brother.”
“That is true,” Remus reasoned. “You could have been forced with someone who actually believes the rubbish their parents feed them.”
You felt comforted by Remus' words, confirming that Sirius wasn’t like both of your families.
The rest of the train ride was spent getting to know each other. It wasn’t hard to become friends with Sirius and his buddies. The longer you spent with them, the more comfortable you became with the idea of becoming Sirius’ wife. Don’t get me wrong. You still didn’t want to be forced to marry someone that you didn’t know or love, but you were comfortable knowing that he felt the exact same way.
Who knows? Maybe you could fall in love with Sirius the same way a plethora of other girls had.
The rest of your seventh year at Hogwarts went alright. It didn’t take long for rumors to spread that you and Sirius were to be married but for the most part, the gossip didn’t bother either of you that much. It’s not like the rumors were false, so what was the point in denying anything.
The only downside was the threats that a multitude of Sirius fangirls made in your direction. Nothing too serious has happened to you yet, but you knew soon enough that it would be too much for the wrong girl. Turns out, that time would come soon enough. 
You were eating breakfast in the Great Hall, Regulus sitting across from you. Since he was to be your brother-in-law, the both of you became friends. You would also find out that he wasn’t like his parents either. He just wasn’t as outward of this fact as Sirius was. Watching what Sirius has put up with, he knew that he wasn’t brave enough to rebel and deal with the consequences.
Earlier in the week, a parcel came by owl for you. In it was a Black family heirloom, a wedding ring. You were told that you had to wear it from now on, even though you guys were still only engaged and not married. Of course, you didn’t argue, though.
You sat staring at the ring. On one hand, you hate what it symbolized. It was your own sick image of slave shackles that tied you down. On the other hand, “It really is quite pretty. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought Sirius picked it out just for me.”
Regulus looked up at you as you spoke. He was confused for a moment until he noticed you glancing at the ring on your ring finger. He swallowed his toast and took a sip of his black coffee, “Well… I mean, it is charmed.”
You gave him a confused look, which only made him look back at you even more confused. His eyebrows raised, “You don’t know?”
“Know what?” you questioned. You looked at the ring and tried to think of what kind of charm it could have been.
Regulus smirked back at you, “Well, Mrs. Black-” you glared at him, only making him smile harder at you, “-When the ring was first made for our grandmother's grandmother, or some other old bat, it was put under some kind of spell. 
“It was always meant to be an heirloom and it was charmed to always look the way that the husband, the male with Black blood, wanted it to look. Hypothetically, it was supposed to be a symbol of great love because the husband should know what kind of ring their wife would like to wear. But with our family being the kind of family it is, it was mostly only ever worn as a symbol of possession.
“Rarely, did the husbands care enough about their wives to know what kind of ring they would like to wear,” Regulus finished his story. He was giving you an unreadable smile.
You stared back at him, your expression almost as unreadable as his, scoffing at him, “Well most jewelry is going to be pretty.”
“Yeah, but doesn’t that look like the perfect ring for you,” he smoothly replied.
You simply ignored him, finishing your breakfast. You did your best to ignore the fluttering feeling in your chest at the thought that Sirius knew what your perfect ring would look like.
The ring on your finger only served as a reminder to all the girls at Hogwarts that you were to be Sirius’ wife, a fact that was not very well received by the female population. Before you had the ring, the most that would be thrown your way was dirty looks and glares, something you could easily handle. But as more and more people noticed the ring on your finger over the next week, the more serious it became.
You started to receive so much hate mail, that you started to only ever open up letters if they had the official Nott or Black seal. Most of the letters only said foul things to you. Not many people were aware of the arranged part of the marriage, mostly only pureblood Slytherins and Black’s friends knew about that, so a lot of the letters consisted of them berating you and wondering how you got the notorious Sirius Black to fall in love with you (A love potion being the most common guess. Because why would the perfect Sirius Black want to be with a nobody girl like you).
People really are dense these days. How could people possibly jump to any sort of conclusions when no one has ever seen you guys kiss… or even hold hands for that matter. The both of you were friends by now, of course. But that’s it. You guys didn’t just magically fall in love now that you are betrothed.
Well… one of you wasn’t in love. Over the course of getting to know Sirius more for the past few months, feelings did start to stir within you. But you always tried to squash them down as soon as you felt them. Which only made you hurt more.
You were going to get married… without your consent… to a guy that you’ve started to truly care for… despite the fact that he could never care for you the same way. It was all kind of sad, when you really thought about it.
You thought about how you were probably, inadvertently, just a symbol of his slavery to his family and their beliefs. Just as he was inadvertently a symbol of your slavery to your family and their beliefs.
But you were able to look past that. So maybe he would be able to look past it too and see the silver-lining to this whole thing.
Breaking out of your thoughts, you muttered a quicked Incendio at the pile of hate mail in front of you, burning it to ash. Slipping your wand back into your robes, you continued to eat your dinner in relative peace.
If only it could’ve stayed in peace. Two girls, a Ravenclaw and a Hufflepuff that you didn’t even recognize, sat down on both of your sides. Your confusion was apparent, only widening the smirk on the two girls' faces.
Understanding what was going on, you rolled your eyes, “Do you guys need something?”
“What’s your secret?” the Ravenclaw girl inquired.
You simply continued to eat your food, unaffected by their intimidation. Dryly, you responded, “Whatever could you mean?”
The girls looked at you in disgust, before the Hufflepuff spoke up, “We want to know how you got someone as amazing as Sirius Black to fall for you. I can’t think of anything good about you.”
With another roll of your eyes (if you had a galleon for everytime you rolled your eyes because of these kinds of girls, you would be rich) you cooly replied, “Have you tried, having a personality? I’ve heard it does wonders in making people like you.”
Both girls huffed at your attitude before standing up. The Ravenclaw haughtily informed you, “You better watch your back, Nott. Wouldn’t want anyone to damage Sirius’ goods.”
Using her wand, the Hufflepuff spilled sticky juice all over you, leaving you floundering in shock. You sat for a second seething in anger, only growing more furious as the gross liquid seeped more into your clothes.
By now, most of the great hall was already watching what had happened but at the glare you threw at everyone, people were quick to go back to minding their business.
You got up quickly, making your way out of the Great Hall. You heard footsteps behind you and someone calling your name but you were too blind with rage to bother turning around to find out what they wanted. You had had enough of the girls in this school looking down at you for something that wasn’t any of their business.
You were almost to the girls washroom, when Sirius grabbed ahold of your arm. You quickly whipped around, seething, “What the hell do you want, Black?”
He faltered, unsure how to handle what was happening, “I saw what happened. Are you okay?”
You glared harshly at him, “Do I look okay to you?”
Gobsmacked, he hesitantly replied, “Well, what can I do?”
“Oh gee, Black,” you spit at him. “Maybe you could fix your fanclub who seems to think that I’m Satan incarnate herself.”
Your anger in the moment kept you from thinking rationally, you mocked, “Oh perfect Sirius Black. He’s so hot and amazing. How could a slag like you end up with a man like him?”
Sirius stood, shocked at your outburst but kept silent and let you continue to tear at him, “I’ve heard it all, Black. Your little group of fangirls are so deep into their delusions that they can’t even see that we aren’t in love. The only thing that they are capable of seeing is that I’ll be your wife, consensual or not.
“Those girls don’t even realize the pain it brings me that I’m forced to do this. Those girls don’t see the pain my family has put me in, time and time again. Those girls don’t see the pain they cause me with their vitriolic jealousy,” You finished your rant off, poking at his chest with each sentence. Breathing deeply after explaining how this all made you feel, you watched as he processed everything you said.
He seemed unsure of how to continue, until anger and what looked like insecurity started to cover his face. He moved your hand away (very lightly, you noticed) and started to step towards you as he raised his voice back at you, “Well what do you expect me to do about literally anything about this situation. I’m sorry that having to marry me is the worst thing that ever happened to you.”
“Sirius,” you sighed, regretfully.
But he was quick to continue before you could, “No, you got to tear me out, so now it’s my turn. Trust me, this hurts me too. I know how horrible our families and their rubbish traditions are. You are just as familiar with the abuse as I am, meaning that you know just as well as I do, that there isn’t anything that either of us can do against this.”
He took a step back and a deep, calming breath. He looked at you with an expression that was unreadable, “I wish there was something, anything, that I could do to help us feel less trapped but there’s nothing to do.”
You took a step closer to him, “Nothing about you, is the worst thing to ever happen to me. Really, if anything, you’re the best thing to happen to me. It’s because of you, that I feel less alone.”
At your admission, Sirius let out a breath of relief, as if you just lifted the world off of his shoulders. Was he really that worried about being a burden to you? You spoke up again, “I’m sorry for yelling at you. None of this is your fault and I shouldn’t have let my anger out on you.”
Sirius sighed, muttering the scourgify charm. The sticky juice was instantly cleaned off you and you already felt a little bit better.
Sirius grabbed your hand, holding it in both of his, “It’s alright. I understand what you’re going through. But we can get through this together.”
“You’re right,” you responded with a soft cry. You fell into his chest and softly cried out your frustrations. Sirius stood there, soothing you as best as he could, unwilling to let you out of his embrace.
“How about tonight, you meet me in the astronomy tower? We can do whatever, it doesn’t matter what. We can just hang out and forget about our families for once,” Sirius offered. He still had his arms around you in comfort.
Once your sniffles subsided, you hugged him just a little bit tighter, “That sounds amazing, Sirius.”
(A/N, I was thinking of doing a part 2 if you guys are interested. I was thinking it would be after the marriage but you guys still dance around the feelings you have for eachother. maybe you guys find a way to run away together too. i dont really know, yall let me know what you think)
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ecoamerica · 25 days
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youtube
Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared
The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!
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vvh0adie · 10 months
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bonnet bust down
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pairing: jungkook x reader | type: oneshot | words: 7k | rating: 18+/M
Jungkook is jealous of a bonnet (yes, gurl), and because he can't ever take shit serious —as if he ever has— the ultimate battle begins.
⇴ genre/au: tooth rotting fluff | light crack | light angst | slice of life ‖ idol | boyfriend ⇴ persona: idol!jungkook | forensic tech!reader | needy!jungkook | willing!reader | possessive!jungkook | anxious!jungkook ⇴ cw: cussing | smut | cuddling | ebonics | words of praise | hurt comfort | jealousy | feelings of abandonment | overwhelment | career burn out | crying ⇴ dynamic: soft dom!jungkook x sub!reader ⇴ sw: dirty talk | groping | overstimulation | french kissing | tongue sucking | tongue fucking | public hair pulling | cunnilingus | anal fingering | vaginal fingering | unprotected vaginal sex | wining | humping | name screaming | sweating | nipple play | whimpering | full body orgasms | growling | mating press | downward dog ⇴ a/n: inspired by this thread from @jaehyunsblkgf cuz it was too funny. I had to make it raunchy too. prolly isnt that crack’d cuz i think this may be my softest fic yet. also metaphors/similes for brown pussies on point. periodt
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© vvh0adie 2022- [do not AI train/copy/repost/translate]
✧༺♡༻✧
Jungkook comes back from a recording session, swinging the door wide open till it hits the wall.
He stands there bright eyed, smiling at you. You, on the other hand, are surprised and slightly anxious of what’s to come.
A moment of silence goes by as light from your tablet illuminates your face. Then Jungkook lifts his fists up and raises his brows. You mimic his face, a giddiness rising within as you smile.
“I’m home!”
You chuckle, “I can see tha-”
He immediately rushes you, jumping onto the couch to wrap you into a big hug as he lays kisses along your neck.
Your hand shoots up, holding your tablet out the way as he moves to the other side of your neck. Jungkook hums, murmuring about how much he’s missed you. You giggle and rub his head, loving the feeling of his soft strands gliding between your fingers.
He’s your big baby. And by that fact, he’s crushing you.
“Kookie! Ah- You’re killing me.” He immediately raises onto his heels, staring at you all balled up with the tablet pressed to your chest. You’re so cute.
Whenever he tries to imagine you, his memory comes up short, always concluding that he can't possibly capture how divine you are. So when he's home, lovingly stalking you like a lost pup, he’s truly amazed at how hard you are to replicate. You need to be seen in person for one to fully grasp the magnitude of your beauty. And if you heard him say this out loud, you'd frown and shake your head. You're just too humble.
So all he says is “You're so beautiful, Baby,” and you giggle, hiding behind your tablet as your head tilts. Then you peer over the device, staring at each other's big, pretty eyes.
His beautiful brown eyes are full of youth and wanderlust. He’s truly a duality of man.
Just yesterday, you were on this very couch, legs spread wide and pushed back, feeling and listening to Jungkook eat your wet, glistening cunt, his dark gaze boring into you the entire time. And when he finally came up, his tongue glided over his pouty lips as drops of your slick dripped from his chin.
But right now, he’s so soft and needy. You truly believe he’d wither away like a faerie just from being away from you. Like he'd grow sad at the possibility of you not believing his existence or the magic that he brings to your life. So he needs to be near, reminding you of his undying love.
It hurts the way Jungkook gazes at you sometimes; like he has no control over how far he’d go to love you. And you often wish the boys would scold him to come to his senses, to hold himself in such high regard as you do. But you don't know when that time will come, so for now, you always make time for cuddles and kisses, like today because he needs your touch.
Setting the tablet on the coffee table, you raise up, cupping his face. Your thumbs smooth over the supple skin of his chubby cheeks as your eyes wander, taking in his beautiful visage: the soft slope of his big nose, curl of his long lashes and wet pout of his lips.
Your lips press to his with firm passion as you move to suck his bottom lip before peppering the top. He hums the entire time, making you smile.
“I love you so fucking much,” he says softly.
“I know.”
He whines, “____~” causing you to giggle. You peck him again, and when you pull back, he follows to push his tongue past your lips. You moan at his taste, your lashes fluttering as he releases you. Then you look at him with wanderlust. He cherishes every moment you spend in vulnerability with him.
You rub his cheeks. “I love you so much too, Jeon Jungkook.”
“You have to say the ‘fucking’ part.”
You snicker. Lord have mercy. He's so lucky he stirs such cute aggression within you or else you'd find the notion overkill.
“I fucking love you so fucking much, Jeon Jungkook,” you playfully growl, rubbing your nose against his.
A grin splays across his lips as his eyes scrunch; such a happy bunny. Your happy bunny.
From the corner of your eye, the tablet screen changes and you stretch to retrieve the device.
Your purchase window has timed out so you have to retype all your info. After sighing, you commence all the previous steps, feeling your legs come apart as Jungkook ducks in between the gap in your arms to lay on your chest.
Large hands find your thighs again, as he throws them around his waist and your feet lay against his back. Then he sighs, his warm breath hitting your neck as he nuzzles into it. His lips softly brush against you. And his body shifts against your’s, as he tries to get comfortable.
“I’m finna make you get up; be still,” you scold, slapping his butt, suddenly turning him into a mess of giggles and wiggles. You shake your head, still entering the info. You can’t be mad at him; he’s too darn cute.
You continue to settle him down by rubbing his butt and occasionally giving it a pat. Jungkook finally gets comfy, resting a hand behind your back and the other on your boob. It lays idle till he lightly squeezes your breast, thumbing over your nipple. You feel a light throb between your legs. Seems a cuddle isn't enough attention.
You feel him looking up at you before he kisses your sternum. Ugh~ he’s softly killing you, and yet if he knows, it's because cuteness comes naturally and he’s not looking to seduce you.
Finally scrolling to the bottom, you tap the ‘purchase’ button; afterwards your hand quickly finds refuge in Jungkook’s soft, dark curls. He hums at the way you massage his scalp; he’s really been needing it. His temples hurt from wearing headphones and listening to the same beat all day.
Jungkook eventually turns his head towards the tablet, prompting your chin to lift.
“What are you buying anyway?”
“A new bonnet.”
“Oooh! Yay.”
You laugh, “Boy, what are you ‘oohin’ for? You’re not the one wearing it.”
“I know but you look so cute in your little bonnet.”
“Well, this one isn’t little. I’m moving up a size ‘cause my hair has grown.”
He lifts to look at your hair in a puff on your head. It’s so shiny and defined. Though his mind drifts to your how you look like a little mushroom in your current bonnet. He finds it cute but it probably isn't good for your hair. Or rather it doesn't stay on.
“When does it get here?”
“In three days.”
“What color did you get?”
You giggle, loving how invested he can get into everything from your hairstyles, to your products.
You click the ‘x’ taking you to the product page.
“This one,” you say, pointing to the XL pink and purple bonnet with little Mangs sprinkled about. “Isn’t it cute?”
“...”
“Jungkook?”
“Uh~ Yeah. It’s got Mang without the mask.”
“Mmh hmm. Now, I have something of all the BT21 gang, but I thought I should upgrade Mang.”
“Did you only buy one?... I know how you like to switch them.”
“Nah, I’m feeling very purpley lately. I don’t think I’ll ever change it. Until it's worn out, of course.”
Jungkook suddenly gets up to stretch, giving you a peak of his tummy. Your hand snakes up his shirt, feeling his slightly taut abs and warm skin. And you giggle at the way he finches a bit when you accidentally tickle him. Jungkook smiles but it's different; more quaint than his toothy, cheerful one.
“You okay, Baby?”
“Yeah, long day; just tired.”
“Mh, yeah. Well, let's get a bath and go to bed, huh?”
He nods with a grin as you reach out for him to help you up. Then he takes your tablet, turning it off and tossing it onto the couch. His large hands circle your waist before he’s pulling you into a tight embrace. It lingers for some time as he begins to sway, waddling you two in a circle.
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
“Does something have to be wrong?”
“Mh, no~ But you've been very clingy, Bunny.”
“…I just missed you.”
You rub his back. “Jungkook, since your break, we’ve been together for six months. Did a few hours really make you this needy?”
“Yes,” he grumbles against your shoulder.
“Okay, okay, alright.” You pat his butt. “Let's get to bed then” You grab his hand and circle the couch, walking down the corridor to the bedroom. “Little spoon or big spoon?”
“Big,” he says with little hesitation, stealing a giggle from you.
“Why?”
He suddenly whines, surprising you. He doesn’t want to answer any more questions; he just wants to hold you, keep you away from everyone and give you kisses so you know how much he loves and needs you.
He kisses your neck. “Because I wanna be able to hit it from the back.”
“...Jungkook.” You pull back to look at his grinning face. He’s smiling but you can definitely tell something bigger is at play. Though, you don’t want to push it because it's clear that he just needs your comfort at the moment.
✧༺♡༻✧
Exhausted from a long day's work, the infamous boy band shuffles into the room before scattering to sit.
Jin sighs, “Man, that's a lot.”
“You think it's too much?” Hoseok asks. “Mmh~ I think we could pull it off but we’re definitely pulling all nighters.”
Jin sucks in a breath, tilting his head. “We’ll, see.”
Jimin bites his lip. “Maybe we should cut some stuff?”
“But we already curated everything with stuff Army really wanted. I'm scared to take anything off,” Tae pouts.
“Yeah…”
Everyone sighs before the room falls silent, though, it's not long till Jungkook breaks it.
“_____ bought a new bonnet with Mang all over it,” he says casually, staring aimlessly at the ground, his eyes wide and still as his lips move.
Some smile; others snicker, watching his brow furrows as he continues to not stare at the floor.
Hoseok jokes. “What? You think you’ll be sleeping with me? What's wrong with that, Jungkook?”
Jungkook scratches under his lip. “Nothing ‘cept it’s on her head.”
Jimin laughs, “You’re acting like Hobi’s putting his crotch in her face.”
Jungkook gasps at the imagery, finally breaking his trance. “Don't say that~” He leans over and hits Jimin who can only laugh, finding Kookie way too cute.
They tussle for a bit; the others are completely unphased by their play; either casually watching or doing other things. Grunts and slapping fill the silence and overtake the blowing of AC, and staff’s footsteps along the halls.
Jimin finally manages Jungkook into a headlock. “Stop,” he says in a little pout, whooping Jungkook’s butt. The youngest suddenly slumps; his lips turning downward. He grumbles to which Jimin giggles, still holding his maknae by the head as he lays a cheek on top and begins to rock. Poor Jungkook seems to relax; now finding comfort in his embrace.
“There’s only one thing you can do, Kook-ah.” Jungkook turns to Namjoon who's scrolling on his phone.
“What?! Hyung. What? Tell me!” Jungkook’s face lights up, the fluorescence overhead reflecting sparkles in his eyes.
Namjoon grins at his eager dongsaeng. “You gotta make her forget.”
“...”
“You gotta fuck her,” a voice grumbles out before smacking.
Everyone turns to Yoongi resting on the couch with his head knocked back and his eyes closed. Suddenly Jungkook pulls his head from Jimin and crawls across the leather towards his hyung, sending snickers throughout the room at the skin sticking sounds he leaves behind.
“I do that, though; like three times a week. Maybe four with just foreplay, if I'm really good.”
Hoseok sputters into his fist, catching a glare from Jungkook.
“You gotta be rough and mean. Throw her around; call her names.” Jungkook just looks. “You don’t ever ‘Dumb-fuck’ her?”
“What? No, we have soft, sensual sex.” Jungkook smiles at his use of alliteration.
Yoongi tilts his head, opening his cat-like eyes to stare at their beloved maknae. His hand finds Jungkook's cheek, lightly patting. “My prodigal son. You can be rough and sensual.”
Hoseok nods. “You dominate her, fuck her guts up-”
“Whoa.” Taehyung finally looks up from his phone, brows raised and eyes wide.
“As you kiss and tell her what she’s not going to do. They like that shit.”
“I know women like rough sex… Just the ones I've been with usually want me to degrade them.”
“All we’re saying is that ____ might be the type to like a rough fucking while being sweettalked.”
“Mmh~ She is really receptive to praise when I'm just slow.”
“Yeah, that works too. Slow and rough. Drives them crazy; turns them dumb.”
“You mean to tell me you two only fuck slow and soft?”
“Mh, yeah. It edges her out longer before she cums.”
“You have a lot to learn, lil’ bro.”
“Slow and rough,” Jungkook murmurs to himself. “Slow and rough.”
✧༺♡༻✧
As the elevator door opens, Jungkook is glad to see that there isn’t a package at his doorstep. He hums a lil’ ditty as he presses the key code and slips himself into the familiar comfort of his home’s scent: crisp, light, and cotton fresh.
Kicking his shoes off, Jungkook looks around before neatly putting his sneakers in the cubby.
“I'm home.”
Silence.
He rifles around his pockets, retrieving his keys and wallet to throw into the bowl.
You’re not in your usual couch spot and the door to the gaming room is closed, so you must be in the bedroom.
“I said ‘Kookie’s home’. Your number one lover… Actually, your only lover!”
Jungkook walks swiftly down the hall, swinging through the bedroom door frame to meet the sight of you. You’re humming a sweet little tune as your hips slightly swaying. He smiles, wandering your pajama clad figure.
And right on top of your head lies the infamously adorable Mang; looking just like their father with their cheery eyes and bright smile. Jungkook does have a habit of being rough with the BT21 children but he's never wanted so badly to punt one of them until now. He’s setting such a bad example for Cooky.
“Hey~ Baby.”
You hum, turning around to give Jungkook a crescent eyed smile. “Hello~ Pookie.” You shuffle towards him, arms stretched out till you can cup his face and mark him with kisses.
Jungkook hums against you, melting into your sweet taste. He needs you so badly like his life depends on it.
Suddenly you’re being lifted and thrown onto the bed. Jungkook kneels onto the comforter, his fingers fiddling with one another as he looks down at you with pleading eyes.
“Please.”
You wander over him. Your sweet baby boy. You don’t know what's going on but you want to make it go away. You have to because, maybe once he’s gotten his frustrations out, he’ll confess.
“Please, what, Kookie?” His bottom lip juts out despite knowing he has to be direct with his sexual needs.
“Can I… Can I fuck you?”
It's so cute the way he’s able to cuss and ask for such lewd things. You can already feel yourself getting wet as your pussy contracts, yearning to bring him home. And the throb of your heart lies deep within your clit.
“Yes, Bunny. You can fuck me.”
You lay down, tilting your head to watch him; your leg rubbing against the other as you feel the anticipation rising within.
Jungkook frantically begins to stripe, pulling his shirt from smooth, bronze skin. The flex of his abs drive you wild, wanting to touch him. Then he pulls both bottom down, lending his hard cock to spring free and touch his lower tummy.
Your eyes wander as you bite your lips. He’s so fucking delicious to look at; you think you could cum now.
The bed dips as he crawls to spread your legs open so that he can undress you.
You watch him admire you, his hands roaming your thighs then squeezing your exposed sides. You're so soft, looking so cute in your lace pajama set. The thin fabric lays taut against your pussy, imprinting your succulent slit and your perky nipples poke through the matching tank top.
Then he stares at the bonnet. Oh, you're so beautiful and it sits so perfectly, protecting your crown. How could he be mad? It isn't the bonnet nor is it true jealousy or anger, is it? It's a deep sadness. A profound yearning.
You're so pretty he needs you to know how he feels. He needs to thrust his love into you like a subliminal that engraves itself upon your eyelids. You need to think about him as much as he does you. But you do and a part of him knows this but his ego says you'll forget about him eventually with all the time you spend apart. Though, how can someone possibly forget Jeon Jungkook? It's simple really because only you could forget the intricacies of Kookie. Your Pookie. Your Bunny.
Jungkook’s emotions heighten as he frantically strips you. You gasp and whimper at his ferocity; his hands feeling everywhere and nowhere, driving you mad, making your clench furiously.
Once done, you lay in nothing but your bonnet and plush socks. His eyes move in a frenzy around your body, taking in your luscious curves, plump pussy and supple breast. He thumbs over your soft patch of hair, lightly tugging to watch the cute little expression on your face.
“Jungk~“
He bends down, shoving his tongue past your lips. You’re overwhelmed, falling into lust as his wet taste swirls around yours. He's over powering you and you relinquish control, letting him ravage your mouth. He lets up a little, breathing heavily. He's so needy. He's about to dive in again but your hand shoots to grab as you whimper.
Searching his face, his brow tenses with worry. You lay a hand to his cheek. “Kookie, calm down. I'm not going anywhere, Bunny.”
Jungkook looks at you with his deep browns as you catch the brief twitch of uncertainty etched onto his brow. He needs you so badly.
You cup his face, bringing him down to kiss; this time softly and slowly. He looks at you through heavy lashes, humming as your tongue invades his mouth. Licking into his inner lips, you occasionally seal a kiss.
Then you lick the expanse of his tongue before sucking the tip. He whimpers, his eyes finally rolling shut. He shuffles his hips closer, lightly teasing your slit with his leaking cock.
You gasp, releasing him. He looks down, seeing you bound by your essence.
“Fuck,” he whispers, closing his eyes and licking his lips.
You rub his cheek, your eyes gazing into one another as you urge him to kiss again. He’s so cute and vulnerable.
Expose your neck, you submit to him, moaning as he attacks your warm skin. His lips caress downward onto your throat, nipples, and soft tummy. He chuckles when your hips roll from his kisses to your inner thighs.
“Mmh~ I’m sorry, Baby, no teasing.” Jungkook thumbs spread you wide, watching your slit open with a messy pop. And your scent hits him as he marvels at your clenching hole. You’re so wet, and velvety like dewdrops on a brown orchid. Your pussy is begging to feed him as a little trickle of slick pushes past your hole, steadily spilling towards your tight rim.
You hear him rumble, breathing his warm breath onto your fold before it's replaced by the hot lapping of his tongue. You moan, arching your back as he slurps at your folds. Jungkook nips at them, pulling and prickling pain for your clit to feel pleasure.
You cry as he pushes your legs back and tucks his arms under. Jungkook’s ministrations are slow and maddening, his lips kissing, sucking, and licking your hole as it pulses to make out with him as well. You squirm when fingers rub your blushing clit, sending your head back and your voice to ring out.
But you really start to claw away when his tongue glides into your swollen pussy, thrusting and swirling around. Starting from your ass, he sucks up all your juices before spreading your pussy to spit. Jungkook sucks and bites your thigh, watching the essence slip into your hole.
Coming up, he graces you with his wet chin then wipes his mouth. And you touch yourself, gasping at how you’re dry everywhere but your pussy. You lift up to stare at him and he meets you with fire in his eyes. He’s a man on a mission.
Jungkook shuffles to line himself up, swirling his leaking tip around your entrance as it kisses him to enter. He hisses, sinking in slowly as your walls flutter to suck him in.
His hands caress up your thighs till he can press your legs against his shoulders. Then Jungkook comes back down, resting his forearms beside you while simultaneously driving his heavy cock deeper. You clench around him and he swallows your cries with a kiss as your hand presses to the back of his head. Jungkook slowly fucks into you and your hips accompany his as you both moan against each others open mouths.
Your back arches as he kisses your neck to your sternum. Jungkook whimpers, loving how flutter around him. He loves the sound of your pussy sucking him in, wanting to drain him mind, body and soul. He moves to lavs over your nipples whining but then he remembers.
Jungkook sits up, pulling out to gaze upon his glistening dick. Your slick needs to be creamy white and coating his cock because that's how he knows you’ve been fucked throughly; that he’s put his all in loving you down.
There would never be a reason to leave. If only he wasn't so busy then he’d be perfect for you. But if you knew he was thinking this it’d break your heart.
Spreading your legs, he stares at your pulsing hole and rosy clit. Your pussy, so dark and ripe for the taking.
You call his name timidly. The way Jungkook worships you is something you don't think you’ll ever get used to.
He runs a hand down your chest, stopping at your tummy then he grabs your breast, squeezing your nipples to perk. You moan, making the sweetest face. Jungkook rubs your hips, pecking your lips before his large hands flip you onto your belly. He lifts your hip then puts a pillow under. Your arch dips and your pussy spreads for him, a lone drop running to your clit. He bends down and kisses it away as you jump and moan. He rubs your ass growling as he takes a lap.
Jungkook comes up to stare at you spread out for him; ready to take his heavy cock in your tight little hole. And while you think it's kind of early for this position, your embrace around his cock is comfort that he needs.
He slowly enters and lifts you up by the throat, pressing your back to his broad chest. As you sink down onto his cock, he kisses your neck and squeezes your breast as he fucks up into you. You moan, putting your hands atop his as you try to bounce. His girthy cock nestles deep, curving to glide along your soft tissue. And deep circles rub into your clit and a pinch hardens your nipple. Your head throws back onto his shoulder and your toes wiggle.
Rising, he guides you on all fours, grabbing your ass as he fucks slowly. “Jungkook~”you whimper before gasping when he picks up the pace. Your limbs feel shaky and your head bobs as you moan his praise.
He switches it up, thumbs spreading your cunt as he eases in before thrusting hard. All your holes clench and tingle at the new sensation and your toes clench this time. Your hand shoots back to run over his abs as you look at him with lust. His dark gaze and thrusts cause your eyes to flutter as you bite your lip. You’re close.
“You like that, Baby?”
You nod, whining, “So fucking big.” You hiss. “Stretch my pussy out, Bunny.”
He thrusts again, becoming harder till your ass slaps against his toned thighs. Your leaking pussy sucks around him and he bends over onto your back to finger your clit. You bite your lip, looking at him as your brows knit. You look so fucking cute.
“There we go, Mama,” he whispers, laying his forehead to yours. Your breaths stir as you gaze into each other's eyes before he licks his lips and kisses you.
“Aaaah~ Fu-” Your legs shake as they try to close but Jungkook pushes them back open, continuing his menstruations on your swollen clit. The whole time there's darkness in his gaze. You don't know what happened today but it changed him.
Though, it really shocks you when he enters hard and drags out slowly. You feel every sculpted curve of his cock, causing you to cry out as your head hangs down and your eyes shut tight.
“Ah- Fuck! Jungkook, fuck my pussy. Ugh! Fuck me, n-”
He grins, grabbing your hair while in the bonnet. It slips off after a hard thrust, staying in his hands. You flop down, moaning loudly. He pulls back and you leak around him. You're not creamy enough yet.
“Oops…" He stares at the back of your head, watching your hair begin to spread and frame your face.
He knows the silky bonnet serves a purpose but he loves waking up next to you as the sun kisses your golden bodies. That must be what Adam saw when he was blessed to gaze upon Eve for another day.
But fuck, do you look so good on his cock in all your natural beauty. He wants to see your face contorting from pleasure as your hair manes around you. He fucking loves “Day 3 Hair” because its that perfect inbetween of defined and voluminous.
The universe knew to birth him after the 70s because he’d have been the greatest stone to ever roll; always surrounded by fine women with their “Big Hair, Don’t Care” attitude and the tightest daisy dukes and bell bottom rompers. But truthfully, he only needs one old soul in particular.
He simply shrugs, deciding not to put it back on. He’ll gladly suffer the consequences later. And knowing you, they're never that bad; only making his yearn for you stronger.
Feeling his hands leave your hips, his own stutter, sloppily thrusting into you as his dick tempts to slip out. What the fuck is he doing? He’s ruining your high and surely his too.
You whine, moving your hips to follow his cock. Not wanting it to slip out, you rock back, trying to find a rhythm. But you can’t really focus with the incessant rustling behind you.
“Who's the captain now?” You finally look over your shoulder, surprised to see the band of your bonnet slapping across Jungkook’s forehead.
“Bruh-“ You go to roll your eyes but Jungkook’s firm hands slap against your ass, digging crescent shapes into your supple skin. Spreading you wide, sweet searing pain pricks at your hole, Jungkook’s cock threatening to stretch and tear you apart. You whimper, but it's cut short by a quick and forceful thrust.
“Oh! Fuc-“
Jungkook watches you gasp as your eyes remain rolled back. Your brow tenses, and so does your grip onto the sheets.
He grins massaging your plump ass, allowing his hands to glide up your sides, squeezing your soft curves. Here comes his favorite part.
Jungkook begins to slowly drag out of you and is immediately stuttered by the clenching of your walls; only dragging his veiny cock even slower against your soft tissue.
You yelp, legs shaking and toes curling as you close your eyes and bite your lip. You’re losing control, your body moving to throw your ass back onto his thick cock.
“Yeah, Baby, fucking take this dick. Fuck me. Put that pussy on me. Fuck~” he growls, his head throwing back and his eyes shuting tight. Jungkook rubs your hips, but soothing measures mean little as you cry.
You’re probably too far gone, so all he can do is help coax you to climax. You whine, clenching hard to build up the sweet pain of impaling yourself on his massive cock.
"I know~ I know, Mama~ Let it out," he coos, feeling you flutter around him; you’re gonna milk him dry and he's gonna let you.
"Mmh~ Jungkook! Fuck my pussy, Baby," you gasp feeling his tip glide along your g-spot. You contract, squelching sounds between you as your slick spills around his cock.
He tilts his head, his face idle as he licks his lips. “I got you, Mama, hm? You like when I fuck this pussy, don’t you?”
“Yes~ Ugh Mmhph,” you cry into the covers.
“Okay, Mama, time to make these pretty legs shake. Gonna cum for me, yeah?” All you can do is give an incoherent cry.
Bending down, his large fingers wrap around your throat to lift you back onto your hands. Jungkook sets a light squeeze before slamming his hips into your ass, rippling waves like the silkiest chocolate.
It's an out of body experience: head airy as if you’re ascending to glory and white heat blooming behind your eyes. But in between you and your lover is hellfire burning; a sin so painful it makes you wet from pleasure.
“Uh uh uh!" Your legs shake and you feel the pressure rising. Each stroke coaxes your pussy to coat his cock in thick white slick as it runs down your thighs and his sack.
You clench and he hisses, slapping your ass. Jungkook spreads you again, watching your tight little rim spasm. Then he drags a thumb from your wetness to massage before pushing knuckle-deep into your asshole.
“Aaah~ Jungkook, no,” you cry, your legs shaking as your hand finds his wrist. But he quickly throws it off, staring at you with dark eyes.
“Stop?” he asks, though, you quickly shake your head, making sure to give him a few pulses of your pussy to suck him back in. But Jungkook pulls out anyway, watching you writhe and cry. He desperately wants to coax you into overstimulation.
Maneuvering you onto your back, Jungkook comes down on top of you, bringing your hands overhead. His dark eyes admire your bouncing breast then his lips wrap around your nipples, lending his tongue to caress them with deep swirls and the light grazing of his teeth. Then he pecks up your throat to find his way back to your soft lips.
Jungkook’s thrusts never falter as you moan against each other, never fully able to seal a kiss. He needs release. He needs to mark his claim into you. So he lets his mind slip into his darkest desires to intertwine his soul with yours.
“Don't ever buy anything that doesn’t represent me ever again,” he growls into your ear. You know he's just in the moment and that the bonnet isn't really the problem. He’s just silently screaming for your attention. And you can’t help but scream his name as he sucks your neck while jackhammering into you.
Jungkook’s fingers interlock with yours as his wet taste invades your mouth once more, sucking and swirling. You’re overcomed, feeling fucked out; eveything’s dizzy and numb except your pussy.
You can feel every throbbing vein and drag of Jungkook’s cockhead against your soft tissue and you can’t escape the sound of your messy, wet cunt running down your ass and his thighs, merging you together in blasphemy. Through blurry eyes, you gaze at your lover, sweat dripping from his face cooling your hot skin, his brows tense as he focuses, the veins riding up his golden skin.
You hiccup his name and Jungkook stares at you with longing before pressing a hard kiss. Then he slips into your neck to release his grunts and whimpers onto soft skin. And his cock pumps inside of you, shooting his hot white load against your cervix. Jungkook moans into your ear causing you to clench; in turn overstimulating him to writhe as you milk him.
Your fingers lazily glide along his back and you press your face against his to take in his scent. It's so enticing; his natural musk permeating the air. You almost want him to fuck you again right away, but you know its just primal.
Instead, you lay silent, feeling and listening to each other's staggered breaths.
Jungkook’s eyes close to basking in your scent as well. Your hand cascades up to rub his head, but you stop at the silky feel of your bonnet. You manage a tired smile.
Jungkook suddenly lifts up. “It’s so fucking hot,” he mumbles. The band is pushed down onto his brows, causing you to giggle. You pull the bonnet off, cringing at the damp feel. It's already in need of another wash. Things truly don't last with a man in the house.
“Phew,” Jungkook sighs, running a hand through his hair. His curls have sweated out but it's not dripping like usual. Maybe there was an upside to his antics.
“See there.” You click your tongue. “You can't even handle a damn bonnet.”
“Pssh~ You can't handle this dick,” Jungkook quips, grabbing his base to swiftly pull out. Your arm shoots out to dig blunt nails into his arm, and you’re shocked as he grins watching you shake through an orgasm.
Jungkook lays his cock between your pussy lips, purposely brushing his tip against your clit, aiding in the release of his warm load. It sputters out of you and he hums at the sound.
A hand comes under your neck, tilting your head back so he can kiss your glistening throat as you reel. Lifting up, he watches your eyes roll back. He smiles a little; you're so cute. He like fucking you dumb now. Jungkook’s thumb rubs over your baby hairs as he watches your hand clench. He presses his lips into your palm to kiss.
You finally settle, whining. “I know, Baby. Your pussy’s still sensitive, hm?” His tone is sly and cocky. “Want me to do it again? Hm?”
You remain still, pondering it over, but then your head lazily shakes. Jungkook chuckles, “Okay,” kissing your cheek then your lips. You hum, wrapping your body around him as he cups your face with one hand while the other rubs your side.
Releasing you, Jungkook’s firm hands squeeze your curves then travel up to grab your breast as he kisses your sternum. He lays an ear to your chest, listening to your heart as he comes down like a weighted blanket onto you, shielding you with warmth.
✧༺♡༻✧
You two lay in bed as he spoons you with his leg thrown over your waist. He’s nuzzled into your neck, his tongue laving against your hot skin, sucking and nipping.
He moans with you as you squeeze his hand interlocked with yours. He grinds his soft cock against your ass, whimpering.
“Huh, fuck-“ he sighs. “I love you so fucking much.” His embrace gets tighter.
“I love you so fucking much too, Jeon Jungkook.” He looks up to gaze at your side profile as a grin spreads on his lips. Then he gives an open mouth kiss to your cheek, making you giggle.
It’s wet and sloppy. “Ew!” you whine, wiping your face.
“You like it wet and nasty,” he quips, his brows tensing like he’s the offended one. You’re shocked, titling your head to decide if he’s really fucking with you. But all you can do is chuckle before you try to roll out of his embrace.
You two tussle a bit as he tries to rangle you back. He pulls you closer, lifting up to cage you with his body even more as he attacks your neck. You squeal, your shoulder raising to shield you.
His determination tires you out and you simply hum at the way he kisses your back up to nip your ear. He maneuvers his hand under yours, interlocking your fingers again so that he can grab your breast, lightly rubbing over your nipple.
The room goes silent again as Jungkook’s arm under your head moves up so his hand dangles over your bonnet. He touches the silk material, eyes wandering over the cute purple chipmunks.
“I hope you know I’m not finna stop wearing this bonnet,” you finally say, turning slightly to face him. His brows raise as he wanders your face. Is he even listening? Yes, he is, your face is just his best point of focus; ebbing his mind to tranquility.
“You saw how expensive it was,” you pout, causing him to smile. “…And I’m not about to let you become some asshole boyfriend who wants to control me.” He finally looks you dead in the eye, his smile faltering. You can’t tell what he’s thinking, causing your pulse to spike a bit.
But soon he’s leaning to kiss you. “Thank you,” is all he says afterwards, caressing your face.
You swallow, now ready to confront him.
“Bunny…”
He hums, rubbing his thumb along your baby hairs.
“I need you to tell me what's the matter… I’m worried.”
He freezes still staring at his thumb. He's quiet for at least ten seconds before he tries to talk but his voice cracks and you watch as tears well in his eyes.
“Our- our schedule is stacked and I may have to leave the country,” he sniffles, tears running down his cheeks.
“Oh, Koo~”
“I hate it. I just wanna be here. I’m honestly so tired. I don't wanna leave,” he says, shaking his head.
You rub his face, swiping a thumb under his eyes. your heart feels shattered.
“I don't wanna do this anymore.” You look at him with shock.
“Jun-“
“Aht- I mean I don't wanna perform how we have before the hiatus. I'm ready for a change. I'm ready for things to slow down. I never had a reason until now,” he says, his dark brown eyes boring into you, intertwining your souls to understand.
You turn into his chest fully, wrapping your arms around his neck to press a hard kiss onto his plump lips. It's needy, all-consuming as you sigh into it. You caress his tongue with yours before releasing him. His eyes fall half lidded as if you’ve sedated him and he melts further into your soothing touch on his cheeks.
“My sweet boy. It's gonna be okay. We’re gonna get it sorted out.”
“But Ar-“
“They’ll understand. They have to.”
You smile at him, scooting up slightly to rest him onto your bosom as you rake through his soft curls, and nuzzle into his crown.
You have to fix this.
✧༺♡༻✧
Night life comes about when the sun sets, and the faint bustling of the city awakens you. You open your eyes to the pitch dark and your hands run along Jungkook who's still sleeping against you.
Your fingers carefully touch Jungkook’s face as you find his cheeks to cup. Still groggy, you press a lazy kiss to the corner of his mouth before trying again for his lips. You hum, feeling love swell within you. You also feel protective, wanting to be the only keeper to his heart. But you can’t. You have to call one of the few people who love him fiercely as well.
You look over your shoulder palming the nightstand before grabbing your phone. The light instantly hits you in the face as you wince and Jungkook suddenly shifts. Jungkook whines, embracing your tighter as he nuzzles your chest and his lips brush your nipple, eliciting a helpless moan. This is not your finest moment. You’re on a very important mission.
You navigate to your contacts, but the time catches your eye. It's 9pm. Who would be up right now?
Biting your lip, you’re about to make the call when Jungkook’s phone startles you. Jungkook’s head lifts, “looking” around. He’s actually still asleep, so you quickly guide his head back down before stretching to switch out the phones. You stare at the phone, a smirk gracing your lips. It seems great minds think alike.
“Yo, Jungkook, I've been meaning to call,” the deep voice says.
You begin to speak but it chuckles a bit.
“So…I presume “Operation Bonnet Bust Down” was a success?”
“Operation what now?”
“Aht- _____?”
“Uh~ Yeah… Jungkook's asleep,” you groan, pointing the phone down to stare at your Bunny’s pouty face. You give him a quick kiss and his brows knit as he licks his lips, nuzzling between your breasts. He's so cute, but you should definitely punish him later. “Namjoon, if it means what I think it does then yes,” you grit, squeezing your eyes shut. You knew men talked about things like that and the boys are no exception. But just the thought of them imagining…
Namjoon just hums, but you can hear the grin on his face. Probably thinking ‘Attah Boy, Kook-ah.’ And of course it would be him; Namjoon may think he’s quite suggestive but you feel he's the main perpetrator of the many things Jungkook comes asking you to do in bed. You’ll never thank him but you won’t discount his expertise.
“Look, we need to talk about Kookie in other ways.”
“Yeah, wassup?”
“We need to talk about your schedule.”
The line goes silent a good while till a book softly closes and glass clinks together as a light pour cascades into crystal.
Namjoon takes a sip of his concoction, hissing. Then he sighs, “Let's talk then.”
masterlist | inbox
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367 notes · View notes
yeokii · 11 months
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# types of tropes w enha !!
₊﹒wc! 2.7k
₊﹒warnings! non-idol!enha, gn!reader (but I kinda wrote it with she/her pronouns in mind so if you see she/her pronouns im v sorry pls ignore), profanity, mentions of alcohol (only in jake's), mentions of skinship, mentions of stalker behaviour (its a joke, nothing serious tho) mentions of being high (ITS A JOKE), mentions of blood in Riki's one, spelling and grammar errors!!
₊﹒note! yen and Kayla my fave bff helped me w the tropes!! ngl got carried away with junwons one
₊﹒requested by this anon !!
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# lee heeseung ⎯ coworkers to lovers
IT JUST FITS HIM SO WELL
heeseung would def catch feelings first when you asked him to help organise the files
HE ALWAYS AND I MEAN ALWAYS takes up the offer whenever you need help with something.
you want a drink? bro will bring you the whole menu
literally will do anything to show that he's into you.
bro just loves being near you.
but this one time where he dropped you home when it started raining heavily, you started to question ur feelings for him.
and so the mutual pining begins 😞
yall both would be mad blushing whenever you both interact w each other.
both of your friends would be so mad because they know you both like each other
like why aren't yall kissing already??
you kinda did know that heeseung did like you back but the man was oblivious
so you asked him out 😁
SUSHI DATE FTW!!
and you both hung out in his car after the date finished and this man did not want to take you home.
it was painful pls 😭
fastfoward to when you both start dating and he come to your house and picks you up so you can both go to work at the same time.
he would bring your daily coffee orders aswell
he would even teach you how to play league of legends help 😭
skinship is a must!!
give it a few months and he would know you more than you know yourself
PLS HES SO CUTE SOMEONE GIVE THIS MAN AN AWARD
"baby, let me take you on a date after you finish work."
"I swear to god, it better not be a ramen date again."
₊﹒other members under the cut !!
# park jongseong ⎯ brother's best friend
no cuz its so jongseong of him to fall in love with his best friend's sibling
he would know you since he was like 3 and he prolly always saw you as his best friend's annoying little sibling 😭
but you were literally completely in love with this man
if you could kiss the ground he walked on, you would.
PLSSS HE WOULDN'T EVEN TALK TO U
just a few glances here and there
but when you started to grow up, you kinda ignored him aswell cuz you started to get a life 💀
BUT U STILL KINDA LIKED JAY THOO
it wasn't very visible as it was before b4
but this hurt jays ego like why aren't you foaming in the mouth whenever you see him???
BYE SOMEONE PLS HUMBLE HIM
so when you both were at a party
YOU LOOKED ETHEREAL
and it bugged him why were you hanging out with other people??
this man really thought you had no social life plss
you looked so pretty and he didn't even look at anyone else, it was just you.
this man fell in love with you gn.
and then from there, he saw you as a romantic aspect or wtv.
IT WAS SO FUNNY BECAUSE NOW HES THE ONE FOAMING AT HIS MOUTH WHENEVER HE SEES YOU
you kinda noticed that he liked you because he believed actions > words
he started picking you and dropping you off to school when your brother couldn't
he would even bring one of your favourite snacks along the way too
he would text you and talk to you more often
so one night while you and ur bsf had a sleepover
jay also had one w ur brother
AND BROOOO HE WAS SO JEALOUS U COULD SEE HIS EYES TURNING RED
jay vamp era frfr
he was being very passive aggressive to ur bsf
SO U CONFRONTED HIM 😁
and bro just straight up said "I like you"
followed by "I don't like when they talk to you"
so ur just there 🧍‍♀️
like helppp it was so awkward
after the confession, he asked you on a date and ofc you said yes
IT WAS SO CUTE TOO
but a few months in the relationship, you both are getting comfy with each other
its either a full on classy restaurant date or staying at home and watching Disney+
theres no in between
and ofc your brother is okay with this as he gets used to it
he loves to act like he doesn't care for you but you know he loves you
"no I'm not blushing!"
"jay you so are! I didn't know you liked backhugs!"
"SHUT UP"
# sim jaeyun ⎯ exes to lovers
it would def be you who broke up w him
I js don't see Jake calling off a relationship
and it would prolly be over the summer when you thought you and the aussie boy (😝😝😝) didn't click anymore.
mans would be sooo devastated like wdym ya'll don't click anymore???
he would spend more time thinking abt why you thought the relationship didn't work than actually being sad
mans really tried to move on but he srsly couldn't do it.
he was so comfortable with you, he couldn't do that with anyone else.
all his friends witnessed him going through the five stages of greif
it was sad actually 😭
he would still have you as his lock screen like he never even bothered to change it
so probably after 8 months of going through crappy dates and drinking his heart away (he got drunk on apple juice) he decided he wanted you back
so he reached out to you
found out you work at a cafe through his 'sources' (jungwon)
and when you see him he's like "whatttt? you work here????"
its giving stalker behaviour
do better jake 😕👎
and now that he KNOWS you work here
he comes there everyday at 4 right when you're shift begins
bro is the master at small talk
and that is when the small talk with you goes on for an hour and you realise its been an hour since your shift is finished.
he offers a ride back home
and you agreed since you didn't want to walk home alone
you didn't really see the problem with exes being friends and you told him abt it too but
NO NO NO
this man did not work this hard for ya'll to just be friends again
so he waited until your shift finished and decided to bring you your fav flowers
and he asked you if you wanted to go out
and he brought you to a picnic
and you're like "Jake??? its night???"
"you always wanted to have a picnic with me so I thought why not?"
plsss you were shocked that he remembered you wanting to have a picnic with him but you both never had the time.
he even brought your fav sandwiches and drinks it was so cute
and when he dropped you back home he confessed everything and he told you he wanted to get back together
after thinking abt it for a few days
you decided you wanted to get back tgt
so you showed up at his house with flowers in your hand (it was rlly cute plss 😭😭😭)
and when you both get back together
he really tried to make the relationship even more stronger an always assured you to talk to him if you had any problem
its cute because this man is never gonna let u go
like whenever ya'll walk tgt, he's gonna be holding your hand
you're making something in the kitchen? he's backlogging you
you wanna pee? this man's gonna follow you into the bathroom
jake's so cute plss😭😭
jungwon swears he's the reason you both got back tgt
"please you looked so funny when you fell on your butt!"
"remember the time where I dumped you?"
# park sunghoon ⎯ first love
I feel like this boy would not fall in love that easily which is why he hadn't had his first love
sure he had his first likes, loads of partners, but never love
and then baam
you came in 😎
he felt like it was one of those tv series where everything was in slow motion and like the spotlight was just on you
he just felt like it was just you and him in the ice skating rink
like bro's brain just flew through the window
and ofc his kdrama moment had to end because u fell on ur ass trying to skate.
and bro let me tell you
this man procreated the loudest snort alive to mankind
and ofc you glared at him
which made him run to you, helping you up
"hi, I'm sunghoon."
"ok"
he thought he would cry right there.
he apologised and asked to make it up by trying to take you out for ice cream.
ofc you couldn't say no
and you both got to know each other well
this man was scared because he thought he wouldn't se you again
so what did he do?
this man used every pickup line known to mankind
NO NO NO
he did not ask your number
INSTEAD he turned into the rizzlord
oh was it a sight to see
NO CAUSE YOU KNEW HE WANTED YOUR PHONE NUMBER
he was js really nervous
so u asked his phone and saved ur phone number
"maybe I could like yk teach you how to skate next time?"
"wtv you say hoon."
# kim sunoo ⎯ best friends to lovers
oh god the mutual pinning..
YOU BOTH LIKE EACH OTHER
WHY ARENT YALL SUCKING EACH OTHERS FACES RN?
riki asked calmly
and I wholeheartedly agree
you thought sunoo was js your bsf
which explains why he always looks out for you
waiting for you at the school gate everyday even if you're like 30 minutes late
or always getting you fav drink
or always covering for you if you got into trouble
LIKE NAHHHHH
be so fr rn
riki could not stand it
bro was about to grow white hairs
this man was the literal definition of a third wheel
everytime riki tried to talk abt you two
you always dismissed it
AND SUNOO WAS BUTTHURT
like were you that blind?
NO
you were js scared you were gonna get rejected and all these years of friendship would go to waste
and ngl sunoo felt the same
so ofc your matchmaker riki pulled sunoo aside and asked him how he felt abt you
and pls sunoo loves you more than himself
he literally only trusts you
and you were the same for him
#goals
so riki used his amazing megamind brain and asked yall to talk abt your feelings
and it took a while to open up after riki left and by the end of it you both had shared your first kiss with each other 😁
NGL IT WAS REALLY CUTE
you both were red
and now since y'all are in a relationship
riki hated it more
"BOOO get a room."
ur dates were so cute
either it was hot choco dates or ''lets go play in the snow' dates
you always enjoyed it
because you are with sunoo (I physically cringed)
"maybe I should call u the sun cuz u brighten up every room u walk into."
"r u high?"
# yang jungwon ⎯ academic rivals
his jaw dropped when he saw the results
HELLO A 95???
man hasn't got anything below a 97
and there you were
waving ur results sheet at him with a clear 96
bro wanted to slap that smirk right off your face
so he asked the teacher to check his paper again
bye the teacher did not give two fucks
so he checked it himself
he was actually supposed to get a 94 but lets keep that to ourselves 😁
he js waited until the next exam to rot around and by that this man took a mental screenshot of every page in the book
a 94???
GOODBYE.
if there was a dissapear button in life
he would press 65 times
and what did you get
a 97.
happiest day of your life ngl
this man had a whole fit
HE COULD NOT BELIVE IT
the teacher actually had enough of you
and gave you both detention
all you had to clean the classroom
'bonding time' she said
'it'll be fun' she said
so when you started to clean the room
all you both could give each other were side eyes and silent curses
it was painful actually
you both divided the room saying this was his side and that was your side
but there were tiny moments were you were staring at him, admiring his side profile
THAT WAS SO UNLIKE U
U WERE SUPPOSED TO HATE HIM
but why did he look so ethereal when he was sweeping the floors
GET A GRIP.
so there was this moment were you both close to each other and you tripped on your untied shoelaces and landed ontop of him
he landed on his ass
so romantic I know.
and you both stared at each other for a long time (5 seconds)
before he pushed you off him
"EW."
he stood up and went back to sweeping and you were still on the floor
you stood and started cleaning again
but what you didn't realise was that he kept staring at you
occasionally having eye contact
after that day, you both became softer to each other
YOUR TEACHER HAD HER JAW DROPPED WHEN HE SAW YOU BOTH NOT FIGTHING WHEN JUNGWON GOT A 94 AND YOU GOT A 96
like hello???
where the hair ripping and shitty insults??
your friend were in school because you stopped talking bt how much you hate him and so were his friends
scary really
both of your friends thought that you both were planning some big revenge or something
but then they caught you smiling at him while walked past you??
they called an exorcist immediately
THIS IS NOT OK??
you both didn't whine and ask the teacher to change when you both were paired up for a project
you both had a fun time and you actually had a good convo
you both called truce
and you both started to not hate each other
and one day while you both talked you had a moment of silence when you just said 'fuck it' and went in and kissed him
GET A ROOM
and the next day in school
you both walked holding hands
everyone was so confused because um what the actual fuck?
"can't believe I used to hate this pretty face."
"ew jungwon"
"shut up before we go back to being enemies"
# nishimura riki ⎯ hates everyone but you
when he heard about love, all he could say was 'bs'
like be so fr
BUT THAT WAS UNTIL YOU ENROLLED IN THE SCHOOL
he swore he could hear wedding bells
everything abt you was so perfect
like he never had an ideal type but god damn bro
might as well have one rn
he like froze for a sec
crazy ik
tbh you didn't acknowledge his existence for a few days
until you saw him playing basketball w his friends
and his basketball met w ur face
bye ur nose did not stop bleeding
man came rushing to u when he realised it was u
he took you to the nurse and when you were all ok
he sheepishly grinned at you and apologised for hitting you w his basketball
you were quick to forgive him and you started to become friends since that day
everyone was in shock because you were the first person he'd ever talked other than his friends
and you were so confused because everyone kept telling this was so unlikely of him
he had never tied someones shoelaces when they were untied
or he had never lent someone his jacket
even to his friends
the privilege was showing
like u were so confused because he doesn't do this with other people
he prolly be like 😐 but when you're there hes like 😁
soo you asked him
"idk I like you"
HELLO???
"oh uhm haha same."
BYE YALL ARE SO AWKARD
it took a few weeks for him to grow some balls and ask you to be his s/o
and this man needed to always be on your side
he's gaming? ur on his lap.
he's playing basketball? ur playing with him.
UR LIKE EVERYWHERE
its so cute
makes me sick
"BABY WHERE R U GOING?"
"riki I need to pee."
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perm taglist!! @flwoie @zuyairus @bubblytaetae @yenqa @haknom
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auttaday · 2 months
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I love how QSMP so far in 2024 is just chaos. It’s kinda funny actually. Here’s my personal analysis:
like, we got roier but not roier because he’s a penguin right now bro . And his evil twin is here.
We got whatever the fuck is going on with Fit and that guys who’s name starts with an M or something idk and he has a really bad cat hoarding situation. Like bro wtf is this dude tryna make a cat army? And what does he need data for like omg bitch mind your business.
We have Phil, who’s currently possesed and evil because of some ender dude from another fuckin universe. Like what does this dude want Phil is the most unserious guy ever. Go find someone else to posses.
Jaiden fucking died, idk how that happened did she just like, randomly drop dead or something? No bro is gone forever. (In a serious note im really going to miss her pov)
Tubbo died, turned into a disk, and then Phil thought he was a Polaroid picture and shook him, and then he undied. And he’s angry now and has early stage of dementia. He’s also ChatGPT now probably. Still blaming Phil for that.
Tina is possesed as well rn to my knowledge. Bro what is with everyone getting possesed rn.
And bad has amnesia. BECAUSE HE ALSO DIED CAN EVERYONE PLEASE STOP DYING.
we have Acau, who is prolly gonna force his son to work in the mines like bro. Why.
AND WE HAVE CAPITALISM!!!!!
And everyone on every side of the fandom are either married or cannot get along at all.
the eggs are all becoming the main characters as well.
Honestly I’m here for egg main character arc honestly. Like yass, go make a bunch of small children have wayyy too many responsibilities on their little hands. We should just get egg pov.
Im still holding onto the theory that the federation is actually run by the Duolingo Owl by the way.
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crimswnred · 2 months
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I've just gotten back home from work so I'm a little late to the party, however...
LITG SEASON 8: TEMPTING FATE — VOLUME 2: thoughts, concerns and prayers
first of all yesss more hair booooo paywall, fusebox get it together??? (at least they are pretty but again that's the bare minimum)
anyway, here's my girl with her new hair
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why do all of the girls' nightwear look like I'm on a strip club and they're asking me if I want something to drink
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it's so over for you Theo
honestly she's too good for him anyway
okay kiss challenge!!!! let me snog everyone
I don't want any more of that "peck" crap we want FULL ON SNOGS, TONGUE AND CHAOS
Jin: "Nap, then results?" Hamish would be so proud of him
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okay, so you rate me EIGHT just so I feel like I have to pay to have one extra kiss, your game is a dirty as ever Fusebox
date time!!!! going with Jin ❤️
LMAO Jack is kinda funny
so sad to see a baddie doing too much to keep a man in love island 💔 Luna I'm so sorry you didn't deserve it your only crime was being coupled up with the one guy I want
oh. so about the terrace scene...
first of all, super sweet gem scene. it seemed like a super important one for it to be a gem scene though. so idk I'm a bit lost.
Jin is a walking red flag 😭 this boy is soooo gonna flip on me when the next hot girl shows up!! but let's enjoy the ride
and Luna... girl... was it ever that serious?
the award for worst outfit design goes to 👇
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and the one for BEST outfit design goes to 👇
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like wow wowza mmmhmm yeah! this man is hot hot HOT 🔥🔥🔥
I had to kiss him HE IS SO FINEEEEEEEEEEE
oh, Jack is kinda sweet... if he looked more like Lewie/Alex he would be favourite boy of the season for sureeee
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keep the compliments coming, darling
I had to kiss him too. you know, to be polite.
but it was just a peck, tho
okay, NOW JIN!!!
having a spicy conversation with the guy I want to fuck and his currently girl isn't how I planned to spend my afternoon but here we go
"You're adventurous. You're fun to be around. And you'd make every sight even more beautiful", "Okay. Where's the punch line?", "There isn't one :)" OKAY GAG ME WITH THE WRITING
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FUNNY BOY WHO'S A HISYORY NERD? OH OKAY!!!! BIG T??? NO IT'S BIG J!!!!!! JIMOTHY!!!
lmao Sophie mixing the boys up she's so me
Claudia is a real one let me tell you that
she's nice, she doesn't force herself upon us, she's polite, she give us all the tea, and she even help us to graft on the boys behind their girls' backs. like, THAT'S MY GIRL
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and if Theo doesn't step up she will DEFINITELY be mine
TIME TO PICK MY BOY LET'S GOOOOOOOO
so sad to see Luna go, I really like her :/
lmao???????????
I TAKE BACK EVERY GOOD THING I SAID ABOUT JACK WTFFFF 😭😭😭😭
he was so out of pocket ?? what's your deal man, are you jealous I picked Jin instead of you? we kissed ONCE. be sooooooooo for real rn
okay Sophie you can join your boy in this bullshit he still cheated on you with me when you weren't looking (and he probably would do it again)
no. I won't forgive you?? you were basically calling me a whore back then and now you are SORRY? don't say something you'll regret later that's not cute.
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and he's supposed to be serious?
anyway, stressful night over. time to go to bed with my babygirl Jin
BITS BITS BITS BITS
29 gems to go all the way? what is this?
they could've make the scene a little longer but they have gotten way better ever since the writers dropped the word crescendo
MR TYLER WHO ARE YOU?
still not 100% sure if I'm going with Jin or Oakley but I'm leaning towards Jin, I'm not gonna lie 😁 I did some stuff that will fuck me over on movie night if fusebox finally learnt how to code (which they prolly didn't so I guess I'm safe)
I really enjoyed this episode except for the part when Jack and Sophie went full on villain mode but if the narrative made sense all of the time it wouldn't be LITG, right?
anyway, let's see what this Tyler guy is about... see you all next week 🫶
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hypnodrea · 3 months
Text
songs/artists i’d force TWST Housewardens to listen to
— Riddle Rosehearts aka Rizzle Smoulderheart
Mans would probably be like, making me study or some shit, hopefully helping me or just around me in general. And I just whip out the nasty ass phone Daddy Crowley gave me and boot up whatever version of Spotify there and bat my eyes at Riddle saying, “Oh, music helps me focus more when studying!” When we all know that is a full on lie.
So he would be around or something and I would just start blasting the most inappropriate music ever. Probably something like Man Areas or Squidwards Nose. One of those, y’know? Just cause I think it’d be funny seeing him get all red and angry, like a raspberry.
He’d prolly yell “Off with your head” at me but that would be useless because I’m magic-less
— Leona Kingscholar aka Mr. Worldwide
Me, personally, me, personally, I’d be rockin’ to take a nap with this homie. He’d prolly hate it, but I would! And y’see, I’d come up with some bullshit that like, music helps with dreams or some shit, just anything to convince him to let me play a playlist as he sleeps.
And it’d be full of Tyler the Creator. But specifically the genre of his songs like, See You Again, What a Day, Earfquake, BEST INTEREST, songs of his like those. Now I think Leona would probably like Tyler, idk, they both have them vibes and them two my favorite men.
But yeah, I’d make him listen to Tyler, he seems like he would like at least one or two songs of his, and I sure as hell know that I would be down on my knees just to hear him sing a song.
— Azul Ashengrotto aka ‘Baka Tako’
I would literally sell my soul to him just to make him listen to every single FNAF song. It has to be FNAF. I want to get at least two or three stuck in his head, so he feels cringe and ashamed to admit liking the songs.
It would be so worth it though, seeing Azul all dripped up for Board Game Club (azul + idia club card when—) and just him humming like, Join Us For A Bite, and Idia slow head turning to him as he experiences flashbacks.
I’d be soulless for the rest of my life just to hear Azul singing Five Nights At Freddys, but god, wouldn’t that be a sight to see.
— Kalim Al-Asim aka the most nicest boy ever
I could not do anything mean to this boy, I would introduce him to like, Kali Uchis or Laufey. This man deserves all the pretty women music. I’d also just give him genuine song recommendations for like, parties too.
Maybe some like, Odetari type of music for like movin’ & groovin’. Definitely some Pitbull, Daddy Yankee, y’know all the good body mover ones. Songs that just make ya wanna swing your hips and drop it down white boy style.
Kalim is such a precious boy I would make it my life’s goal to give him all the classic bangers and new shit. Also Peso Pluma. No words. Just Peso.
— Vil Schoenheit aka the IT Girl
He scares me. I don’t want him calling my music taste ugly 😭 I’d get like, Rook to get him to listen to any of my recommendations. Or literally any one else but me. I’m sensitive :(
Anyways onto the songs/artists, ahhhh, probably K-pop. I like a lot of songs but I also heard that the dances are pretty sick too. So he can like, have fun with that. Maybe specifically like, Red Velvet, or like the BTS members but only their solo songs because I like them better like that.
Also giving him like, serious recommendations because I don’t want him to curse me if I made him listen to like a fucking Lorax song.
— Idia Shroud aka the loser gamer boy
I’m making him listen to every single Tom Cardy song I know. If there is any one in the goddamn school that could appreciate him, it would be Idia. And I wouldn’t go for the obvious choice of making him listen to Hatsune Miku because he has his little Fates idol group thing, and also because it would be too predictable.
Tom Cardy on the other hand, he is extremely unpredictable and I love him for that. Specifically showing Idia all the more funny and mainstream songs of Tom Cardy like Red Flags, Mixed Messages, and Perception Check.
Making him hum Perception Check as he beats the hell out of Azul on online Uno as Azul screeches and everytime he gets a +2 or +4 making him say ‘Nat 20 let’s fucking go’
— Malleus Draconia aka …who?
I think my more modern music taste would kill him, so I’d just give him the entire Nutcracker ballet to listen to because it is such a banger ballet, dude.
Or just ballets in general, I think he’d enjoy them in the background as he does whatever he does in his little Gargoyle club thingy.
Me and him when that beat drops in the Knights Dance from the Romeo and Juliet ballet.
{This is not at all supposed to be close to canon, this is just for funsies. I’ll prolly do the first years next…}
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yuwumeniji · 1 year
Note
Hello there! My request has a bit of angst, but I was wondering what your take would be on when reader-Chan and their Luxiem guy are like after a fight? Like how would they make up? Thanks if you decide to write this!
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Luxiem & Fights
WARNING: Please remember that I am writing about Luxiem based on their characters online and not of the people behind their vtuber avatars, thank you!
EXTRA NOTES: thank you for the request!!!
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SETTING THE STAGE
my comedic attempt at angst lmao
actually this genuinely might be more comedic than angsty because i can't write for my life lmao
proofreader? i hardly even know er
MORE UNDER THE CUT
⊰᯽⊱┈───── ✧ ─────┈⊰᯽⊱
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IKE EVELAND
either the pettiest bitch alive or someone who easily forgives and forgets
if he's being petty, it's probably over something mundane like eating his leftovers or a simple argument like is water wet?
outside of that, ike seems to be the kind of guy who easily forgives most because he thinks there may be good intentions behind an action even if it was expressed poorly
if an argument was HIS fault; ike is the kind to take his time in apologizing
he doesn't want to seem insincere when apologizing too quickly, but he also doesn't want to give off the impression that he didn't learn from his mistakes and recognize what he did wrong
he goes out of his way to write an actual apology and give it to you as a letter though
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LUCA KANESHIRO
mission impossible - it's difficult to get into any kind of argument with luca because of his easy-going nature
like i genuinely can't think of a scenario where luca would purposefully be petty and argue over something except for silly internet kind of arguments
if you seem upset over something he's said or done, he's the type to sincerely apologize as soon as possible
he'll prolly drag you out to someplace nice, do things for you, etc. to cheer you up - he'd rather see you smile more than anything else
oh but that's for personal relations, if we're talking about his whole mafia boss thing... well.... he's ruthless
no apologies, in fact, would anyone make it out alive from an argument from the boss?
i'll leave that up to your imagination
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MYSTA RIAS
ok no, he's THE pettiest in luxiem
he is out here fighting tooth and nail in any kind of argument unless there is solid evidence of said topic - with photos, sound recordings,etc.
if he's wrong, he'll take it like a champ and say he's wrong (but he'll be sulky about it.. just a little)
he's great with apologies too, a little slow with them, but great nontheless
the way he apologizes is just to sit you down and profusely apologize to you
that's it lmao
OR he's the type to move on quickly from an argument (i mean just like my asian parents /slapped)
he won't bring up the argument up again, but he will cry if it was brought up again
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SHU YAMINO
the most difficult to get into a legitimate argument with because he's the most logical one here
this is going two ways - either he's actually correct or this is the most gaslight,gatekeep,girlboss of him ever
when it comes to arguments, shu often gets into mundane arguments that are absolute nonsensical because he tries to reason them out with logic, but other than that he refrains from getting involved with serious matters (unless need be)
when it comes to apologies, shu sends a funny meme and hopes that it brings a smile to your face - he's not that great with words, so to compensate, he'll try his best to make you smile
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VOX AKUMA
I think he would be a big baby over most kinds of argument, especially afterwards
he's a little scary when it comes to arguments (i mean he is a demon after all) and he does raise his voice
but afterwards, no matter what, he'll crawl back to you and apologize profusely to you for raising his voice and for the things he's said
he's in tears man
if it is for serious matters, of course his sincerity can be most felt through just sitting down and chatting about where both parties are wrong, where he was wrong and how to fix these mistakes
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I just wanted to reassure people about the stress around moral superiority around autism, cos it seemed like some people were feeling genuinely bad
the only propaganda that was submitted in the OP for that individual was literally the word autism so i think ppl prolly felt like they were playing into a joke that op made?
like, obvi the submission for the other person was more passionate and included more details - and this is out of your hands as the person who's taking submissions, putting them in a randomizer and doing hard work compiling, tracking and posting everything - but the contrast between the two becomes funny
referring to this individual as a funky autistic man is a pretty common meme in the autism and new wave communities (and the considerable ven diagram overlap therein), and it's likely the submission was made by an autistic person - but at the same time part of what makes that individual attractive is the way he's so unapologetically himself, and the way that manifests is in how he dances, moves, talks and sings - in a way that people call weird but in a way that a lot of autistic people have done in the privacy of our own spaces - even been shamed for if we do it publically. some of the ways he sings is really reminiscent of a lot of vocal stimming for a lot of folks, for example, and his more jittery movements are very relatable so the autism is both a bit of a meme, but also a way that we feel seen - and that individual being (almost certainly) autistic and mainsteam people knowing about it and valuing him and finding him attractive and talented is a source of pride/hope in a lot of ways. There's many musicians, especially in alternate scenes like postpunk/new wave who seem pretty autistic to a practiced eye, but this individual has actually discussed the way he relates to that experience. i understand how, without that context, one could be genuinely worried that people believed that if you didn't vote for him you're abelist - but i really think that it's more of a lack of communication/understanding about how this is joked about in the relevant community, if that makes sense like, no-ones genuinally tracking down who voted for what and taking u to task for it. it's fundamentally a contest about who's hotter, and for some people this particular individual being [likely] autistic is relevant and makes him hotter - in the same way one might find an individual hotter if you enjoy or relate to their music, even if the person they're versed up against is objectively more attractive (if attraction can even be measured objectively, free of social practices/norms!) - and the fact that the only piece of propaganda was the word autism means that if you don't vote for him it must be because you hate the only thing that was mentioned about him is funny because it's so ott, but also cathartic for autistic people to joke about because so many of us have experienced hatred due to having autism. it's nice for that to be something funny and relevant in a real but also absurdist sort of way its very liberating, honestly, for an autistic person to be considered hot (being so often infantilised), so its this sense of pride in it too i guess - it can be okay to move in the world in a way that doesnt hurt and isnt tiring and brings you joy, and not only okay and normal but even desirable i hope this makes sense, i just wanted to reassure people that no-ones actually making a moral judgement, it is a meme but there's also something serious there too and it just seems like a joke that's not translating between communities i appreciate all the work that you've put into this tourney!!!! it's been very fun and i'm excited to keep on voting!
I was so worried when I saw such a long ask, but honestly, very well-put. Glad you're excited to participate!
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rayshippouuchiha · 1 year
Video
youtube
So I was talking with my partner about Rise of the Guardians (Twink Jack, Bear Santa, obvi furry Easter Bunny Hugh Jackman, as you do) and he didn’t remember the name of the movie so he typed in Guardians in search and, I just can’t.
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Apparently a Russian film label made a parody (could be serious I don’t know) version of either MCU or fantastic four in 2017? I honestly don’t know. But I think the bear guy can turn into a full bear? There’s over the top action scenes? The lady can turn invisible? That is clearly an attempt at Iron Man and Winter Solider copy but one of them can teleport into black smoke?!? (And the black widow trope which was already a russian thing so, there’s that too) I don’t know if they ever explain the bear thing. I hope they never explain the bear thing and he’s just vibing there.
It’s also apparently on Youtube and you can watch the subbed version for free with adblock. We died, it’s prolly not as funny as we took it, but god we weren’t expecting it
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Text
Do not cheat you piece of shit
Pairing: Erwin Smith x reader
Warning: author tryna be funny writing, slurs, cheating(not erwin), age gap but not mentioned how much, reader is an adult, secretly simping hard, one sided love, terrible grammar, lotsa misspellings
A/N: so its my first time to write. Lotsa dialogues but mostly reader. I want to read something funny with erwin but yeah those are hard to find so if you know any please i beg of you SHARE!!! Its also based on my dream hehehe. There prolly be parts but i dont outlined shit so im just writing whatever. Teehee.
You walk ran? Ran walk? Whatever that's called, as fast as you could with your little legs towards his house, to the rescue, after receiving news that his girlfriend of six m*th*rf*ck*ng years cheated, got m*th*rf*ck*ng caught in their very own bed!
How can someone do that, cheat on their lover specially when said lover is set in life, from life insurance to complete training attendance on the ways of proper parenting.
Six years, down the drain just because she itch so much she couldn't wait for her boyfriend to come home from an overseas prestigious seminar for genius people by the genius rich people.
Reaching Erwin's two storey mansion with a big ass tree house in the backyard (told you he is serious), you didn't bother to knock, just straight up walk inside his home through his kitchen door at the back. And there he is,looking terrible, hunched over his laptop, grading spreadsheet on screen, and college research papers, scattered all over his dinning table, to grade.
"Wooah wow. You look like shit." Was your greeting.
"Hello, dearest friend, and good afternoon too. Yes, you may come in, the front door is open. And yes, I am well. Thank you for asking." And he have the audacity to smile at you with red rimmed eyes, unshaven face, messy and greasy hair probably from the wax he uses, all in his glory, wearing his tomato catsup stained shirt and avocado printed grey sweat pants.
"S'rry wasn't used seeing you like....that."
"Hmmm. As you can see, I am doing well." Is what he said gesturing at himself as if to say that he look normal as always and then picked up his red pen, started reading lines and lines of boring bordering between intelligent words on paper and straight up bvllsh1t w33d induced jumbled letters on paper.
"Erwin." You always call him eyebrows but this time you know that he is hurting and so that hurts you too. But what comes next out of his lips hurts you more than you should as you are only a friend. "This is probably what I get for waiting too long after buying that ring."
"Erwi-" you tried to stop him.
"Always waiting for the right time and now missing it." He continued.
"Stop-" Hands on your hips and eyes on his downcasted ones, you told him to stop and "saying that as if its your fault she cheated, that as if its your fault she chose to destroy what you both have. Its not. If its anyone, its all hers. She is the one at fault. Not you. Definitely, not you. Alright?"
"I should have given her more attentio-"
"You did! You never miss an occassion." To the point he was never let to go out with the group.
"You're always surprising her with dinner dates, cooking the food yourself." You remembered how lonely you felt when he forgot you invited him for your birthday party. That day made you realized how you felt about him and that you shouldn't feel anything about him you so kept a distance ever since.
"All the low calorie and high protein recipes you keep in mind because she is concious of her figure, you even wear whatever she wants you to wear, whether it be perfum, shirts or whatever." You kept your distance but you couldn't help to notice some changes in him. Like that very serious face he got when browsing the net of food to cook.
"You did gave her a lot of attention so don't give me that self-depreciating shit you're spouting. Stop shitting about yourself, eyebrows. You're too old for that shit." You defended Erwin against himself almost outing your feelings but gladly even thought this man is smart as hell, he is one oblivious thick wall, so you're safe except from Master Levi's disappointed eyes.
"You should really stop hanging out with Levi." Is what the dumbass said after all what you told him.
"You're absorbing him at this point-" a playful eyeroll from you.
"like a sponge from those super grocery stores and that is a lot of absorbing, Cheri." Cheri, the nickname Hange gave you because they couldn't be bothered to practice pronouncing your name right so it sticks in the group.
"Too late. I like hanging out with Master Levi."
"More than me?" He asked you with raised magnificent eyebrows.
"... no. I like hanging out with you more." Well he wasn't feeling well so it wouldn't hurt to be honest sometimes is what you thought.
"You're just saying that now becau-"
"I said I like hanging out with you more. Comfortable. Safe. You're good shit. Thought boring before but eh you make things interesting. Wouldn't even know that Michelangelo is so horny on main he painted nudes in a church or that story about two scupltor brothers making a lucifer statue that was just so hot for a church but the church is just so done with 'em brothers so they just let chad lucifer statue be displayed there." You mumbled jumble hocus focus your way around saying that he is a great person and atlast you heard him chuckle softly. How is this big man be looking stoic but so gentle at heart. Probably the reason college students loves him so much.
"So, what will you do now?"
"For the first time in my life, I do not know." He wore that tiny smile that barely stretch his lips and looked back down at his hands.
"How about gathering her things and burning it. I'll help you." You suggested with a wide evil grin
"I don't want to be arrested for arson." He denied you as he sweep his eyes down your hands and now finally noticing the big eco bag you've got with you.
"That's.." he trailed off.
"A big ass ice cream. Yes." You answered
"Cookies n' cream?"
"My favorite craving at the moment."
"Here." You placed the big pail of ice cream on the table. "Eat this shit for every meal. Its in the 101 ways on how to cope from stupid people by the more stupid people."
"How will.. that won't fit in my freezer."
"Then eat all of it? I help you? Or if we still can't finish it, that's a you problem. I'm out." You told him as you reach in the cupboards for cups but you can't reach it so you forgo cups for ice cream and decided to just eat it with spoon straight from the container. Master levi would be really disgusted at you but good thing everyone else in the group, except you, are super busy and not here. After all you're just an assistant of the assistant in the engineering research department.
"We are going to mope for a few hours, and then we'll gather her things, and also like return that ring so you won't do stupid shit like proposing to her." Is what you listed at him as the two of you eat ice cream like the scroundel you both are according to Master Levi.
"You're moping too? Why?"
"'Coz I've gotta deal with your eyebrows right now."
"I think that's also one of her reaso-"
"Oh shut it. You just want me to say you're eyebrow's game's on flick. I won't so shut it. Eat the damn ice cream I had to bust my ass carrying getting here. I hate your drive way by the way. Why is it so spacious? Such a waste of space and unnecessary." You ranted and let words just flow out of your mouth to disguise your blush. Unknowingly to you, Erwin smiled genuinely, always have felt lighter and safe whenever he is around you.
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ecoamerica · 25 days
Text
youtube
Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared
The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!
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tommyssupercoolblog · 24 days
Text
me and seán are the perfect couple because we're both adhd and both autistic but in like a different way so we're autism rizzing each OTHER
we're like twins because we have so much in common but at the same time we're opposites, like- our personalities click together and we have the same sense of humour and agree on important things, but our interests and the ways we express outselves are sososo different.
and even though if u put our personality traits on a list some of them would be the same, even those are life, executed differently. Seán is funny but in a different way than me- we like the same jokes but talk different and think of different things so he'll come up with a joke i didn't think about and it makes me laugh. He's loud but in a different way than me (sometimes he gets scared and he has to warm up socially like ice into water before he starts screaming. i walk in already all capital letters).
we're like,,, the best of both worlds. the same but also different.
manic pixie bright colours kitty autistic who doesn't understand social cues and has texture problems who needs routine or will explode, who has his partner as a special intrest because he's so very autistic about him X silly softboy all-black-wearing puppy autistic who is always a little scared and will like fall over if there are too many lights and cannot multitask or he'll crash like a computer, and also is obsessed with emo bands and metal music and scary things. thinks kitty autistic can do no wrong and is protect him.
WE ARE BOTH. READY TO BITE U FOR EACH OTHER.
and we're codependent but like so are dan and phil. who cares. yes we both have seperation anxiety and we have to both be fronting together or we panic but it's okay because that doesn't happen. if we had seperate bodies tho we'd still be like that prolly. i would be standing outside the restroom at restaurants waiting for him like a lost animal and we'd be reading notifications together and never go anywhere separately and i'd bring him to job interviews like "hi he's my emotional support husband he has to be here too or i won't take the job, ur hiring both of us". i'm like "we have to go to the grocery store" and he's like "okay" and we both go and buy everything together and then i need to go get a haircut and he's like "i'll go w u" lmao. we would get made fun of alot probobally. holding hands in the dennys (like we already do) but visibly this time. and again dan and phil are already like this so don't even @ me
the upside of being plural is that if you're fucking deranged and cry when the other one isn't around u uh,,, don't have to worry abt it!!!! grins and sticks my tounge out and finger guns AYYY hehe
anyway we're the fucking best don't @ me no romance compares there is nothing greater in the world andddd i love him. soulmates forreal. for serious im /srs /gen
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who1ssheesh · 1 month
Note
Xanxus's s/o being best buds with squalo!!
Xanxus’ s/o being best friends with Squalo
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Pairings: Xanxus/reader, Squalo/reader |PLATONIC|
Notes: maybe I’ve taken “buds” way too serious + Xanxus is a little piece of shit here I’m sorry……I’ll prolly will make Squalo s/o being buds with Xus soon lol. I also think I will expand on this one, feels rushed on some moments here and there
Warnings: swearing, not proofread at all, possible break-up 💀
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If we take the route you’ve become friends with Squalo after starting to date Xanxus, then ooh boy, that’s a rocky start
Superbia admires Xanxus’ strength and specific traits – Squalo never in his life can terrify people around just by mere existing and suffocate with the strength through red wild eyes alone.
But other than that don’t they HATE each other with each letter in capital?
BTW Xanxus, on the other hand, is so ignorant he won’t admit any of Squalo’s strong traits to save his life, and captain acts much more reasonable here. So maybe you’re the one hinting to your man that he should go at least a little bit softer on his right hand
So. Squalo didn’t think Xanxus would date someone….like…….smart…….
He kind of expected a typical mob wife to be a candy of the eye and suck out (pun intended) money since Xanxus doesn’t care about people, you just gotta be useful to him
He can’t even lie he was dumbfounded seeing you for the first time. You are……..normal. He doesn’t mean ugly, you are pretty in a natural? Regular? way, not in a “I want to be a supermodel way too hard” way. Help me, I sound sexist.
It’s not an insult to you, it’s an “I can’t believe someone ambitious and smart got along with HIM”
100% the first time you see him is when Xanxus is beating the shit out of him with glasses again, and you were looking terrified to say the least. And Squalo was so NASTY, he really wished you would see this as the biggest red flag because he doesn’t want to see that bitch happy.
I mean it, there is just no way to get those two along, it’s a weird hate-infused destructive relationship between them.
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You talk for the first time somewhere in the hall after that incident.
“Hey, are you okay?”
Squalo doesn’t answer, but you swear you heard an angry screech of his teeth in return.
You stumbled into each other pretty accidentally. You could be getting coffee for Lussuria (of COURSE you had  to be friends with that-, he would think) and somehow you always got one for Squalo. You are subtle, most of the times not even talking to him, just acting like……you merely treat him as everyone else and don’t pay attention to his tantrums.
You are immune to tantrums with your boyfriend, you’re the reasonable one in the relationship lol
You are the first one to call Squalo out.
“Quit your bullshit”
• You know what’s funny? It worked. Now welcome hell, you can never escape but it’s funny at least.
• You start talking just a little bit, one step at a time, a rare sight seeing Squalo genuinely laugh at something. He enjoys your humor and your brute language, he can now see why you get along with Xanxus.
• You start gossiping with him a lot, he is such a bitch, no wonder Lussuria likes him. As we know, nothing brings you closer than this.
• Anyways, you forgot your furious manchild idiot of a man. And he doesn’t like what he sees, Xanxus unironically thinks you are fucking with Superbia, he is raging and is THIS far from shooting you two
• It’s a long and heated argument, honestly 90% chance it can lead to a break-up. THAT’S IT THANKS FOR READING
• No, but really it’s the first time you have such a scary interaction, it probably includes you having a breakdown.
• Squalo is around there as well, and he is sure to let Xanxus know he won’t let anything happen to you.
• It’s a hard one for your relationship, you probably don’t talk for several days, Squalo will feel guilty despite hating Xanxus with all soul. Xanxus may be a bitch, but you are not.
• Will be your voice of the reason - he can’t and won’t in any way pamper you or pity, but Squalo is good with spitting facts, 10/10 friend material
• Could be having some interactions with Xanxus about the situation, could be not, depends on his mood. But certainly will call his boss a fuck-head
• Sadly, I can’t see your friendship with Squalo go well with Xanxus. Squalo may be the reasonable, but your boyfriend in not
• You both develop a pretty defending relationship, Squalo is sinking with his buds trust me it’s a pride think. So at least you are going to be irritated at him throwing stuff at Squalo -> another argument.
• You don’t go too far though, you both respect each other’s independence and don’t act as mother hen. Rare mature friendship here
• You start going hanging out with Varia a lot, maybe you even meet some of his buds out of Varia. Xanxus is going to be around too btw, some can say he is acting calmer around you
• Squalo is a friend to insult you a lot even as a joke, so thick skin is required. Will be mad at you A LOT, but still is the one to come over at 2am 1000 km away if your car broke down or sum. But if it’s a shitty reason he will get mad and say to fuck your boyfriend’s brain instead.
• Even if you don’t try, you pick up some fencing knowledge lol. Squalo starts rambling a lot and really appreciates you listening. Does so in return, can interrupt you with a dumb joke or some nonsense but just wants to show you he listens
• Squalo can be away for long at missions and develop a habit of bringing you cards with a shitty dad jokes, insults or all together
• You humor synchronizes well, there are a lot of inside jokes, Squalo thinks those are the most important in a friendship lol. Excluding drinking bets
• Has some lines. Won’t get over your house if you are alone. Fair maybe? He wouldn’t be happy if his gf brought Xanxus at their house while he is away. Exception for some emergencies and business questions
• If you ever interested, Squalo will get you tickets to sword fight events. Especially where he participates lol. You don’t have to go, but….he gets you those cause wants to see you ok?? You brobably will go there with Bel or Lussuria
• BROFISTING A LOT AND I WILL DIE ON THAT HILL. Sometimes that piece of shit bumbs you with a metal hand on purpose
• Since you don’t see each other in a sexual or any romantic light at all, Squalo often forgets you are a woman and could be smaller or not so tough (in a physical sense) and can hit you too hard
• You two rating others’ attractiveness 100%💀💀💀💀 Sometimes Luss involved
• It takes a really long time, but the 3am late chats while smoking at a balcony are a thing (I have doomer panelka vibes in my blood, doing that rn whatchu gonna do about it)
• He one day comes you for a serious advice because he’s unsure, and you are the only one Squalo trusts. You appreciate that a lot. Like…a lot
• He will do a lot in return to show his appreciation for your support, you know there is always a man behind your back, ready to catch you if you fall
• I don’t know, to be honest, of Xanxus ever makes peace with your friendship. He is not jealous, it’s about…trust. He is dead inside thinking that in critical situation you can chose Squalo, and Xanxus realizes his tantrums (that fight) break your trust in him even more, which makes Squalo more valuable to you. So in conclusion….Xanxus breaks his life again and is scared.
• But at some point, you don’t have to feel sorry for him, he also wounded you, and he knows that (he should). Squalo 100% will evaluate your ego and aggression a lot, you become confident in protecting your boundaries.
• So if ever Xanxus makes you choose (and holy shit I can imagine him doing this-), you don’t have to chose him just to please him? But it’s hurting someone’s trust either way.
• If you prioritize Xanxus, your relationship with Squalo grow noticeably colder. You obviously won’t develop an “I can’t trust you my life” friendship, but you notice Squalo is not angry about it and even sees a certain reason in your decision. He respects your view on the situation (since you are with Xanxus longer than being friend with Superbia) and sees this as a logical conclusion - that’s the character he likes you because of, ok? You still have a joke here and there or go crazy together rarely just like with any Varia guardian. You will notice Xanxus’ gaze anyway, but it’s a different one - he knows he is the one for you and can’t get enough of that fact.
• Well…….if in the end Xanxus hurts you too much….Squalo is flabbergasted to say the least and feels a lot of responsibility in here secretly, even tho he understands you both are adults + Xanxus can fuck himself piece of shit go and die + voi + ratio. He becomes distant because of this, all while you are weeping here all alone and having second thoughts. I’m the end, he comes at you door in the most Superbia fashion - with a slap and now you have 23 hour training sessions to get your mind clear or sum (he is trying). He gotta get you back to your feet with confidence and pride better as ever, because he is a friend. He goes to help at 2am, gets you when you are all out of breath and here to beat some cense back to you. He helps you get your place in a mafia life once you are chipped off of Xanxus and are all alone, he honestly the one to see you succeed and make yourself a name AND he will hardcore convince you to become a swordsman as well if a potential is seen. It could be decades, but you are still here for Superbia as he is for you, and everyone knows you are always around each other - loud, arrogant, bashful and foul-mouthed. And he still bumps you with a metal hand on purpose istg
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kurooisant · 2 years
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nsfw alphabet // michael afton x gn!reader
CW: smut, nsfw, minors dni, 18+ 
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
he’s an absolute sweetheart, checking if ur okay n if he hurt u in anyway. he will literally smother u with his love after sex. if u want to take a bath then right away he will run a bath for u, but if u just want to sleep then he will clean u up n cuddle with u.
B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
tbh i can definitely see him liking his hands? idk but this man can do WONDERS lemme tell u, his hands may be rough bc of the hard work he does to repair his father’s creations but he holds u as if u might break in his hands if he’s too harsh.  popular headcanon but he loves ur thighs, big, medium or small he doesn’t care he loves them sm. he will fuck ur thighs btw, he finds it hella hot. (also xtra thing if ur afab when he’s eating u out he will push you thighs together while his head is still in-between ur legs, he just loves the feeling.) 
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
he will cum on ur stomach or back
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
he wants to cum in u but too scared to ask so he doesn’t also wants to one day try cockwarming ! maybe if he brings u to work with him? but ofc, waaay to scared to ask.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
i mean he’s prolly kinda experienced, maybe a few one night stands here n there so he’s not completely clueless. but as he gets to know u he knows how to please u lets just say.
F = Favourite position (this goes without saying)
missionary, he loves seeing ur face while he’s on top n when he’s bottom he loves to see ur face while ur fucking him :) butterfly, he loves ur thighs like i said before, this just makes him feel so fuzzy when he fucks u like this.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
first time with u: it was pretty serious, but there were funny moments here n there.
in general: he thinks that sex is very intimate, so he’s pretty serious about it.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
he cares, but doesn’t shave fully. 
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
he’s very romantic, he’s very soft with u almost as if ur putty in his hands. 
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
he’ll jack off if ur busy or not feeling up to it, or maybe if ur gone for too long.  he’d def jerk off during work hours when he’s missing u :)
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
can’t think of any rn :( sry 
L = Location (favourite places to do the do)
bedroom, couch, maybe the kitchen counter(?), basically at home (and maybe at work if u were to go with him one day)
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
bro if u wear something that reveals ur thighs, lord he’s hard as a rock. 
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
anything that could hurt u like impact play or smth
he doesn’t want to hurt u at all
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
he likes giving more than receiving, he just wants to make u feel good. istg if u praise this man will go feral.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
tbh slow n sensual at first but if u want him to go faster and rougher he’ll do it
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
doesn’t like them but also doesn’t mind them either.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
risks are a big no, but he does like to experiment.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
maybe like 2-4 rounds? 
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
he tried to get toys, but when he walked into an adult store he got super embarrassed and ran out. (modern au xtra: he also tried to buy some online, same thing happened he got embarrassed, shut his computer off and covered his red face with his hand)
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
i would say he’s pretty fair, time to time he likes to tease.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
oh yea no he’s VERY loud.
loud moans, whimpering, u name it, he just can’t control himself n his moans. 
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
one time he tried to initiate but instead ended up crying bc he was scared of hurting u :( 
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
prolly like 6.5-7 inches, girth pretty thick but not too thick if yk what i mean.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
it’s a pretty decent sex drive, but if u have a high sex drive he might not be able to catch up with u.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
if he goes for 4 rounds he is falling asleep on the spot, but overall n in general it takes him some time before falling asleep. 
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prismaticpichu · 1 year
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Dunno if you do requests, but I am in eternal pain rn with this neck cramp i have had for hours, and I could really use something to cheer me up, anything really thankyou :))))
Omg I’m so sorry to hear that!! Neck cramps are the worst man. Our necks aren’t meant to be so stiff! I hope you feel better soon! ❤️ And absolutely! I’m happy to answer any asks and fulfill any requests!! (So long as they’re sfw.) Let’s see what I got *ferrets under bed*
Ooh! I’ve had this snippet sitting in my files for a while. I basically flipped on a random word generator as a writing exercise, and the word I got was "journal." Sooo this came to be in the finite time I had during my lunch break! No real start or end, just a puzzle piece in between.
The next page, the last one, was titled Seph. 
I really lucked out. Not the kind of luck where it doesn't rain when it said it would, or when you go and win a poker game. Or maybe it's not luck and just how things turned out. It doesn't matter much, anyways. Meeting him was one of the best things to ever happen to me. After everything with Modeoheim, after Angeal died... I didn't know what to do. I had no one to turn to. There were the guys, sure, and Aerith did everything in her power to help... but none of them could really understand. Seph did, though. He knew Angeal just as well as I did. He cared with all his heart.
The thing was I was super bitter at the time... I kinda hated Seph's guts to be frank. I'm sure he hated mine too. One night though, I was all alone in my place... and Seph came to visit, just to drop off some papers (the guy is never not working, I'm serious). Anyway, he saw me with this photo of Angeal... saw me crying too. I didn't really want him there--but at the same time I couldn't find the strength to tell him to leave. I think he knew that I needed him though, because then, Seph pulled me into a hug and didn't let me go until I fell asleep. It's a little embarrassing thinking back on it, to be frank... Anyway. after that, well, I couldn't be mad anymore. I understood. Seph sent me on those missions... but he didn't mean it. He was hurting inside. He didn't wanna hurt his friends, no more than I did. And I also learned a whole lot more about him after.
Seph is kind, and funny, and the most loyal guy you'll ever get to meet. He doesn't smile much, but when he does, even though his mouth's always closed, it's one of the best things there is. I once thought he was spoiled, but I couldn't be more far from wrong; Seph doesn't flaunt anything he has. He doesn't even want most of the things, or the fame, or all that fancy attention. He seems to appreciate the small, tiny things in life, so I'll always make sure he has them: snacks, plushes, a walk... a friend. I'll always make sure he has a buddy. That's my goal--no, a promise--and I won't let anything break it
I don't know what I'd ever do without him. I'd prolly never be able to be Me--not really, not after everything. Seph let's me be Me. I ... love him so much.
"Seph?"
Zack walked into the room, blinking toward his friend. "Whatcha looking at?"
Sephiroth didn't say a word; he just set the diary back in its place and turned around, floating to where Zack was standing. And then he pulled him into a tight, loving embrace, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and back, Zack's face pillowed against his coat.
"Oh," Zack sounded like he was laughing, "hi, bud."
Sephiroth only squeezed him tighter, his soul melted to dough. “I love you, too."
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casliveblog · 8 months
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Custom Toonami Block Week 145 Rundown
Spy X Family: Yor catches some of the bad guys with the bomb dogs but isn’t able to go after the leader because she can’t leave Anya again so Terrorist Bakugo gets away (it’s really funny that the terrorist boss is voiced by Clifford Chaplin and is talking about explosions all the time). To my surprise Yor actually does find out how serious the situation is with the terrorists and Anya gets a Future Dog Sight vision of Loid getting blown up by the bomb and a lengthy view of how this will also start a World War. So Anya apologizes to Yor for running off on her own and then… immediately runs off on her own again. Loid’s group catches the remaining terrorists so Bakugo is left by himself with one dog that Anya’s dog seems to have beef with so this briefly becomes Up because this dog even kinda looks like Alpha, feel like Doberman Pinschers are up there on the list of dogs that get a bad rap. Anyway Anya finds the bomb and is able to convey the message to Loid without blowing her cover so Loid can go and steal the Minister’s clothes and get Bakugo’s dog to track him instead (idk how long that’d work for like presumably politicians put on fresh suits before big meetings and Loid’s scent would eventually overpower the residuals of his but it’s clever so I prolly shouldn’t think about it too much maybe the Minister’s just a sweaty old guy that never changes idk). But yeah Loid is able to parkour away from Alpha and is just gonna fucking shoot the dog, like he acknowledges it isn’t the dog’s fault and he’s sorry but like I really hope he doesn’t shot that fucking dog like he’s a god damn spy shouldn’t he have tranqs or something?  
Inuyasha: So we’ve entered the Princess Abi mini-arc and she is one of my favorite minor underutilized villains up there with Yura, she’s just pretty dope. She’s using her little pterodactyl birds to suck blood from the human villages around to basically give her phoenix mom a feudal blood transfusion since she was poisoned after eating a big ol’ poison demon. I’m not sure that’s how blood works but it’s the feudal era so the fact that they’re messing with blood at all is kind of a miracle plus idk maybe demon biology is weird. Anyway OG Naraku shows up after not seeing him for a while as Hakudoshi’s currently on Temporary Naraku duty. But he says Abi’s gonna help him get to the afterlife and gives her a bone trident. Because Naraku is the shadiest god damn person in the world Abi and her mother don’t trust him as far as they can throw him but as a show of good will he faces off against the children of the poison demon Mama Abi ate. They start shooting poison and Naraku’s just like ‘aw that’s cute, they think they have poison’ and fucking poison blasts them into the stone age. Abi and Mama Phoenix don’t trust Naraku but their racism makes them overconfident like ‘yeah that guy’s stronger than anyone I’ve ever seen but he’s a half-demon so I can probably still kill him if he gets up to anything’ sound logic guys. Meanwhile Inuyasha’s group is defending the only village in the area left standing and Abi’s Pteradactyls do a pretty cool The Birds parody and start fucking shit up. Of course Abi comes around and Naraku’s gifts of Saimyosho and Bone Trident barriers protect her from the group’s two biggest OHKO moves (prolly still wouldn’t do shit against Kagome’s Sacred Arrow but when was the last time she did shit with that). Since Abi has two brain cells to rub together she puts together that Naraku’s setting her up to fight Inuyasha and dips the fuck out of there because if some shady dude wants you to fight a guy with a laser sword even if you think you can win there’s probably nothing good coming from that. Anyway next week’s a random filler flashback episode that expands on Kikyo’s flashback with Inuyasha, I have no idea why they didn’t air that special BEFORE we started a new story arc with Abi but yeah, what do I know.
Yu Yu Hakusho: I can’t emphasize enough how much this has just become a DBZ fight, like I’ve said that before in this series but Demon!Yusuke vs Sensui is just literally a DBZ fight. It’s kinda funny watching them go through all the DBZ tropes for the first time like the moving so fast you can’t see, the ‘dodge and blow something huge a mile away up’, the casually changing landscape as they demolish rock formations with their sheer manliness, the clash creating weather phenomena, the ‘let’s move this category four brawl to that convenient empty desert so no one gets hurt’ it’s cute, like the meme of the guys on the gallows with DBZ just looking at YYH like ‘first time?’ since with DBZ everyone just kinda got desensitized to it real fast it’s amusing to watch a series with relatively grounded fights just become DBZ and have everyone lose their minds. Also there’s kind of a funny scene where we cut back to the Spirit World SPC and apparently nobody told them S Class demons were really a thing because they wanted to keep their egos up and let them believe they were the strongest since S Class Demons are basically Elder Gods and never interfere with humans anyway, it’s just kind of a bizarre decision to save your police’s sanity by telling them there’s nothing they can’t beat. But yeah Yusuke comes back and is only mildly distressed that his heart isn’t beating anymore which Kurama and Hiei laugh off and are like ‘yeah that happens’ and it’s actually kinda cool that Kuwabara and Kurama and Hiei all get kinda jazzed that Yusuke’s back like it actually gives them a power boost, the comfort of having him return is stronger than the despair of losing him in the first place and it makes no god damn sense on a power scaling level but it’s a nice theme. Yusuke does his DBZ thing and is kinda having trouble getting a read on how strong he is until his demon side just takes over and wants to finish the fight for him and I’m slowly realizing I don’t think Tite Kubo has an original storytelling bone in his body, Bleach just lifted a whole show and gave it a new coat of paint huh.
Jujutsu Kaisen: It’s time for Yuji’s big return! We get a fun little couple of intro scenes and the main takeaway is that Gojo wants Yuji to just cram every finger they have into his mouth right now but everyone else is afraid he’ll explode or some shit if he does it before he’s strong enough to handle or worse turn traitor and let the power go to his head. But yeah Yuji meets back up with Megumi and Nobara and is just kinda thrown into their new squad after not seeing them for two months and NOBODY has a reaction to seeing him alive except for being mildly pissed that he kept it a secret. Megumi vouches for his pure fighting capability outside of Cursed Techniques so the others are on board for letting him join their race to quell a minor spirit while using even minor-er spirits as a tiebreaker. The Yamamoto Kyoto principal dude wants Yuji dead still so he just straight up tells his students like ‘yeah go murder that guy in the games, make it look like an accident if you can but if not no biggie’ like holy fuck even if you consider him a threat, treating him as ‘not a person’ as he calls it seems like Kyoto’s REALLY teaching their students the wrong lessons, aren’t these guys supposed to save people? Guess it goes along with the theme of Yuji having a potentially too high reverence for human life but also the virtue that he places on not killing even the worst people. Todo objects to random murder and more importantly his idol show is on so he’s not gonna go along with that. Meanwhile the bad guys are all healed up and ready to go take the fingers the school has during the event and Gojo warns that the person leading them is probably a school insider of some sort, so yeah we got a standard Chunin Exams situation going on here where there’s a surface test but also like three random backstab plots happening in the background.
Ranking of Kings: So Shield Guy loses an eye and a foot to the chimera things and Hilling cries out to Bosse to save them and Daida!Bosse almost rips his way straight out of his cell to do so but whatever the fuck Miranjo’s got on him to make him do absolutely jack shit in this arc stops him. Hilling doesn’t want to leave shield guy to die so she tries to help and turns out Giant Snake Cerberus is here to save the day and takes out the Chimeras to give Hilling a chance to heal Shield Guy but Gnasty Gnorc is still here and fucks giant snake up. Then Bojji FINALLY returns home and defends the snake and his mom. We get a minor flashback with Despa teaching Bojji how to fucking CUT THE SPACES BETWEEN ATOMS which is badass beyond words. And Bojji uses this power to fucking wreck Gnasty Gnorc’s shit. Bojji wants Hilling to heal the snake but he’s like ten times the size of the stuff she usually heals and she’s out of magical Gatorade. Luckily Kage’s a mobile hammerspace and is able to get her enough to heal the snake AND the chimeras after Bojji feels bad about everyone being hurt. Hilling and Kage are the biggest egos in the room so they clash for a bit but it resolves itself relatively quickly which is kind of funny because if Hilling didn’t trust Kage she sure was quick to drink some mysterious potions he literally pulled out of his ass. But yeah once Gnasty Gnorc wakes up he realizes he’s not about to fuck around with the power to cut atoms and swears loyalty to Bojji which is pretty cool, Bojji’s like gathering his own little One Piece crew to become the Ranking of Kings King. Meanwhile Despa is watching his guards get fucked up by Ouken who’s apparently literally immortal and only gets saved by random unexplained lightning bolt frying him temporarily unconscious. Apparently Ouken used to be a prince of the underworld which I guess would make him Desha and Despa’s third brother? But now he’s immortal and being cut off from the fear of death or urge to watch others grow made him a fucking asshole which is kinda funny because if he really is the third Des brother that means he’s only been immortal for like a couple years probably and it IMMEDIATELY made him an asshole. Also Desha is now arriving at the Underworld gate to beat Miranjo and it’s implied do something to save Ouken.
Vinland Saga: So this is an episode just fucking loaded with religious allegory and how people interpret Christianity and there’s A LOT of room for interpretation so I apologize if I misread anything to leave anything out. It starts with the Those Two Guys of Askeladd’s troupe trying to decipher the kind of love the Christian Priest is searching for and I’ve been forced to read enough about the Four Loves that I’ll spare you the explanation but essentially what the Priest is after is a brotherly love for all humanity that doesn’t distinguish by relation to the person but is compassionate towards all, and only the Vikings telling him of the story of Thorfinn’s dad gets him even close to explaining it. We then cut to a little village where a girl is having an existential crisis about stealing a ring given her family won’t shut up about Jesus and stealing is… you know, one of the Commandments. It’s kind of a refreshingly frank depiction of how generations of Christians use fear and vague moralistic stories to perpetuate the general idea of Christianity while kinda missing some of the details, considering a lot of anime treats Christainity like this weird nebulous mythology to be referenced with cool shit like in Evangelion this is kinda neat to see. But yeah, this is still a story about Vikings so Bjorn breaks into their house while the girl is out and Askeladd’s crew proceeds to fucking murder everybody to steal their food and keep their location a secret. I don’t remember if we see any of their Welsh guardians in this episode and I THINK this part is in England but murdering a bunch of harmless villagers at the drop of a hat should give them some pause about making a deal with these guys. But yeah the ring stealing girl escapes and finds the Coordinate from Attack on Titan and prays to god feeling like her stealing and the Viking genocide is the same deal because Catholic Guilt is a hell of a drug and presumably she dies because she’s out in the middle of the snowstorm with like no food and nothing around, like that’s the reason Askeladd raided the village in the first place so like we don’t see her actually die but I’m not holding my breath for her survival. One thing I wanted to bring up is whenever we get to the pillaging scenes we never see Thorfinn directly participate in the pillaging part like he’ll murder other warriors but we never see him killing civilians on-screen, I’m sure he probably does at some point and that’s part of his infamous turmoil in season two but I just thought that was an interesting choice, like it reminds me of how The Kid is portrayed in Blood Meridian where they’re very vague about how involved he is in the atrocities going on so they leave it up to interpretation of how much blame he carries for it.
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