#god my health has been so fragile these past few days
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officially yours (his)
gojo satoru x fem! reader
fluff, established relationship, marriage, modern au, slightly suggestive in the end
a/n: idk how long it's been, almost about a year but I'm back again. this time school isn't an obstacle anymore :] wrote this while seasons - wave to earth is playing in the background
If years ago you're telling the Gojo Satoru you would marry him, he would tell you it would be a dream out of reach. Because back then, he's not confident in himself to make someone as beautiful- inside and out as you happy. It might be because of his rough past, and he didn't want to risk you going through it as he doesn't want you to get hurt.
You are too delicate, too fragile that he's sure that he doesn't deserve you. Hell, he would even risk letting someone else have you if it meant you don't have to go through a single trouble that he always endures. Though he's used to it by now, but you don't.
So how is it possible that here he is, standing on the shoreline of the vast ocean of your dreams, his shoes a little drenched and stained with sand. But never mind all that. His eyes are on you, teary and red though it won't fall. His lips are trembling, he wants to say something, but he knew that he would be sobbing and he promised himself that he won't ruin the ceremony that unite both of you in sickness and health.
There you are in your white wedding dress, your dream wedding dress, as you held the bouquet of flowers in your hand, keeping up a smile even though you're also on the verge of tears. Your eyes are blurry, but your father guided you to him, letting go of you as you're now standing in front of each other.
You allowed yourself to sniffle. Geto then starts doing the speech and declaration to officiate both of you in your wedding day, Satoru's eyes never fell from yours.
It's time to declare each other's wedding vows, which you anticipate. Satoru fixed his bow tie nervously, as you smiled.
"[Name], my love, my heart, my life, my everything." He starts, and his voice already cracked which earned a few laughs from your families and friends. He was full on sniffling, nose red as the first drop of tears stained his cheek. "First of all, I want to thank you a lot for everything you've done for me. Taking care of me even when I'm whiny and clingy, even though I stained your shirt with my snot as you patted me to sleep. Always being there to comfort me because you know that I'm not fine, even though I insist I am. You always knew before me, and this is one of the reasons why I fall in love with you." He manage to make through the first paragraphs, as onslaught of tears stained his cheeks again.
"Oh my god, I'm crying." He accidentally slipped into the mic, as chuckles are heard again. He's trying to wipe them off with his sleeves now. "Does anyone have a tissue?" He sniffled, as Geto handed him a q-tip. He tried wiping his tears with them, as it didn't do as much. "What does a q-tip gonna do? I need a tissue." He sniffled again, only realising the tissue in his breast pocket when you pointed them out.
"Ah, thank god." He sniffled, as he tried to compose himself while wiping his tears. Now the audiences were laughing, which makes you laugh too even though you're also about to drown in tears. "Okay." He cleared his throat, lifting up the paper in his view which is stained by droplets of tears.
"I'm sure that even if I continue listing them down, words wouldn't be enough to express my love to you- because it runs deep. And it is dangerous, at least this is what I thought when I was so young and naive, still learning what real love means." He sniffled. "But I got addicted to it, you're too addictive that I'm sure the thought of you will never go away. Everyday I wake up, I'm thankful that I even get the chance to be with you. And I try to make it last, even though temporary, these fleeting moments is my motivator."
He inhaled, before reading the next last paragraph. "My love, I want you to know that this has been my dream for the longest time. And to see and experience myself to be officially yours is a dream come true. I'm yours, always yours from the start and eternally. I promise myself from the start, and I want you to know that I'll always be with you no matter in sickness or in health, in the hardest days of your life or the easiest. I love you wholeheartedly in all versions of yourself. My heart, I have devoted myself to you, and should you think that I'm not, I'll always remind you through my actions. I love you, my [Name], my wife now and forever."
Gojo Satoru managed to finish, his tears are now at bay only for it to stream continously again when it's your turn to recite your wedding vows. It is safe to say that Gojo Satoru cried more than you, and he took 1 to 2 business days to process your marriage before finally going back to his 'normal' safe. And you love him all the same.
bonus:
It was late on your wedding night, after making love with him. You laid on his chest, catching your breath as he caressed your hair, his eyes on the ceiling as if lost in thought. It was quiet, but you love it.
"My love?" He starts, his eyes now on you, admiring your features. His hand on your hair is so comforting, that it took you a second to answer him. "Mhm? What is it baby?" You asked, looking up at him with sincereness and love in your eyes.
He pouted, frowning a little. Whatever it is that's weighing on his mind, you want to make it go away. "I'm sorry for ruining our wedding. I just can't hold it- you know. I never thought we would go this far." He mumbled, as you now start cupping his face, making him look into your eyes.
"Hey, it's fine. You know, I love that you're not afraid to show your true self. I love you. You make the wedding more memorable." I reassured him, speaking softly that he might even fall asleep to my voice.
Satoru didn't answer, though it's evident he's happy to know your thoughts now that his frowns and pout go away. "I love you too. You know, we're not even done for the night." He teased, now going back to his 'normal' self.
You slapped his chest playfully, though there's no denying it when your cheeks are flushed.
a/n: this is inspired from one of the videos I came across on ig (iykyk) I wish I copied the link but I lost it ☹️ the video literally screams satoru and you can't fight me.
EDIT: HERE'S THE LINK GUYS!!!
© @qiwoomi
est. 250324
do not copy, translate or repost my work.
#gojo satoru#gojo fluff#gojo x reader#jjk gojo#gojo angst#jjk x reader#jjk fanfic#jjk fluff#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo satoru x female reader#gojo x female reader#jjk x fem!reader#jjk x you#jjk x y/n
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Hello smooches, its been a while since i popped up here. Been busy with school since i missed like a whole semester bcs i was hospitalized 💀 now i have to catch up with everything.. (pls send help-) anyway, I hope u and the others are doing well 🙏💞
Also, i want to share a very messy Capitano brainrot or a very random thought that have been plaguing my mind for the past few weeks 💀 and its about him having separation anxiety (or fear of losing someone he loves), especially towards *cough* fragile!reader *cough*
I know it is VERY ooc of him, but to me just the thought of someone like him having that just tug a string in my heart 😔
Just think about it, that man must have been through a LOT before he became known as the strongest individual in teyvat and being feared by many people, even being called a monster bcs of how strong he is when he is on the battlefield. Even how bloody his hands are, there's still "someone" (cough reader cough) who really cares/loves him, accept whoever he is and makes him happy. But suddenly that person fell sick and their health keeps deteriorating everyday while he doesn't know what to do to make his sick lover better? (Sure, he can protect reader from any harm. But, can he protect them from getting unknown disease?) Don't mind me, i'll just lie down here and cry-
Also i have this scenario in my head, like the way he walked so fast as soon as he finally touches the front door of their shared home when he came back from expedition just to find reader. He NEEDS to see them with his own eyes, even though all of his subordinates and their house attendants already told him that reader is fine on the letter he recieved everytime he asks how's the condition of his sick lover.
The moment he sees reader, weakly trying to walk towards him to welcome him, he just basically grabbing onto them and hugged them and they can hear tiny quiet aborted breaths coming from under his.. Helmet(?), mumbling breathy words that sound jumbled together but due to their proximity they can vaguely make out a 'it's okay, they're here, they're still here.. and alive.. and not gone..' Reader, after hearing that and seeing him like this for the first time, it really made their heart squeeze painfully and hugged him tighter
Again i'm so sorry if this doesn't make any sense, i really need to get it out of my head ASAP but i also tried to make it as not messy as possible 😭😭 anyways, i really hope that u have an amazing day smooches! 🙏🛐💞
(It seems that everyone already completed Fontaine really fast, and then there's me who barely have time to play and missed some events in 3.8 too 😭 æügh- rip primogems 😔 also, Neuvillette.. the temptation of wanting to pull for him is too strong after seeing his drip marketing 😩)
-🥝
🥝 ANON!!! OH MY GOD I MISSED U SM. I WAS WORRIED BUT IM SO GLAD YOU’RE OKAY. Ahh that sounds really stressful I hope you’re making sure to rest and take breaks too :( *hugs you* But I am doing well, thank you 💞💞
But OUH. YOU RETURNED WITH SOME HEART-BREAKING DIDNT YOU 😭. Noooo the way you described his past makes me so sad :( Yes, there are a lot of people who respect him, but of course there will always be people scared of him. His great reputation won’t stop rumors from floating around, but he’s come to accept that. Especially when he has someone as lovely and kind as you, who shows their love without a moment’s hesitation, what other people think doesn’t really matter. Really, he’s come to value your opinion so much, he always takes what you say seriously even when it’s so obvious you’re joking.
OUCHHH I CANT EVEN PUT IT INTO WORDS. He’s so used to fighting things, things that have a physical form of course. That’s how he can protect you. But what can he do when sickness has no form? What use is he when he can’t cut through what’s ailing you with his sword? His hands are made for battle and killing but there is nothing he can kill that would make you better.
Well now you’ve got me thinking about that too 😭 When he walks in he doesn’t even acknowledge his staff, just walks straight to your room to make sure you’re okay. I feel like the Fatui soldiers in his squad have grown to the point where they try to get everything done as soon as possible just so their captain can have even just a moment more of time to spend with you.
He would get so worried just seeing you out of bed, his heart rate would spike for a second and quickly support you and get you back to bed. But first he would just hold you tight, enough so that he can hear your heartbeat, feel your warmth and pulse, and know that you’re still truly here with him. He just needs to know you’re alive, he often finds his hands near your chest and wrist, to feel you breathe in and out. It’s really comforting to Capitano considering how he deals with death every day. After those few words he lets out, you know he didn’t mean for you to hear them, but now you have and you’ll do your best to reassure him. Just guide his big hand to your heart and let him feel the beat of your heart, how as long as he’s by your side you’ll swear to keep it beating for him :(
THANK YOU FOR THIS 🥝 ANON I’ve been missing Capitano a lot and your brain rots with him never fail 😫For the sake of my heart fragile reader got better thank you very much <3 And don’t worry about Fontaine or Genshin in general! It’s not going away and you should focus on yourself and your life first :) But when you do play I promise you’ll have a great time, Fontaine is very pretty and relaxing :) (Yes… join me in pulling for Neuvillette >:)))
#smooches talks#🥝 anon#fragile reader <3#capitano love notes <3#GIVING U A HUGE HUGE AN KITH 🥝 ANON!! I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING AN AMAZING DAY AS WELL LOVE <3
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just rambling about current events in my life happening right now its a stupidly long whinefest
boyf has been hella depressed the past few days and ive been checking in like "hey do you wanna talk" and every time he says no and doesnt engage any further. he also has told me before about how I linger and suffocate him too much so ive been trying to just do my own thing until he wants to engage
this morning I get up and come sit out on the couch w him bc he once again did not come to bed and slept on the couch and he didnt say a fucking word to me didnt even look me in the eyes. which fine he does that, I curl up next to him and try to comment on the game hes playing and I dont even get the vaguest grunt in response.
Clearly he does not want to speak just like he didnt last night. AGain completely fine I will just go do my own thing so I dont just sit around awkwardly in silence and make him upset by being too close.
Cue him telling me out of no where he is going to his aunt's house bc he cant stand being in the house any longer. I have no issue w that but I can hear in his voice hes angry so I ask him whats wrong. Meaning 'what right now is making you angry' and he fucking snaps on me about how he hates being in the house and asks me if I think everything is fine which no I obviously do not think so but whatever I tell him its totally okay its fine he can go I wasnt gonna stop him I was just asking
he starts to say "im just upset that" and then stops himself and just says "well if you think its fine." and just books it out the door
if he comes home at all tonight I am fucking screwed. He is going to lose his fucking mind at me for giving him his space instead of sitting at his feet silently like a dog waiting for him to decide if he is going to give me any ounce of his attention. He will never fucking effectivly communicate when he would rather be sit w him v when I shouldnt I am literally just expected to know. I want to support him through fucking anything he is the love of my life but this depressive episode is coming at such severe cost to my already exceedingly fragile mental health.
hes just so god damn mean to me when hes like this I cant take it. Im exhausted of never having the right answer. Never doing the right thing. He will say I am the kindest most supportive partner to other people but the second I dont magically know which contradicting behavior he is expecting from me I am the cruelest most evil disgusting sociopathic abuser he knows. I dont know what to do about it. I have no family here. I'm completely alone. if this goes sideways my entire life is over
I have to quit my job, abandon all of my things and move back in w my parents across the country. He has roots here he has family who support him here. He likes to pretend hes this sad little island all alone when Im the one who has *nothing* to my name if he dumps me. He owns like 99% of the shit in this house not that I could move back w anything I own anyway I dont own the fucking car.
he holds my life in his hands but he is the persecuted victim here. hes the one who will lose everything bc of me.
Im realizing hes treating me the way his father treated him and he doesnt comprehend that. Hes being exactly like his father.
i dont know if I can fix that. i dont know what to do w this realization. i jsut wnat to sleep for a thousand years and wake up to a partner who doesnt hate me or lovebomb me.i just want a normal life for 5 seconds
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Reminded over and over again the past week or so of how fragile life actually is and how our lives can change in a matter of seconds. Thank god for my loved ones and my health and a roof over my head.
I’m on vacation until Christmas now and I’m determined to unplug from work and enjoy my family. And life in general tbh. I haven’t talked about it but work has been really running me ragged lately. It hasn’t been fun at all. And I’ve let it completely take over my life for the past few months unfortunately. And at the end of the day, it’s so not important at all. At least not enough to stress me out and make me as upset as it has. I am done with that 🙆🏼♀️ I’m very much at the point where it’s a paycheck and I’m glad I have it, but that doesn’t mean they deserve my soul and my sanity.
I just want to make sure I’m appreciating my wild little life and everyone in it and not stressing the unimportant stuff too much. There’s really nothing more important than that.
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So. Life has been wild lately. I know not many people see this or read this, mainly cause I reblog and like fandom things with whatever ship is killing me at the moment and activism things that mean a lot to me. If you wanna read, cool. If not, scroll on but imma get real about life and mental health for a minute.
In December of this year, 2022, after seven and a half years, I did not graduate as expected from my Bachelor's of Nursing program. This was in part because I got lazy, kinda understandable as it's been SEVEN AND A HALF years, I got comfortable with what I knew and didn't get up and do the work like I should have, as I've loved doing, and have been fighting for since a professor told me she believed in me as I was leaving a different nursing program at a different school and the dean was saying I wasn't a good fit but that I should try public health. "Try public health", after I spent TWO years doing nothing but prerequisite classes and making friends and planning and waiting for the moment I finally got into the program just to have a bunch of wild stuff happen and end up failing 2 classes from the overwhelming stress. No. Absolutely not. So I transferred to my current school and went through some more prerequisite classes and finally! Finally! I was in the program and I was doing great! I made dean's list every other semester and some how survived COVID ruining my first semester of actual in hospital practice. I had a rough time with a professor or two (one in particular but that's a different story) and spent many nights staring at my textbooks wondering why I chose this and how I was supposed to remember it all. I got back into regular therapy sessions (thank the gods for free counseling services) and worked through the stress of school and home and finding my place and motivating myself to do better.
This past semester was tough, it was a lot of leadership skills, learning to conduct and understand research (basically mind-numbing tedium but important stuff) on top of my final medical-surgical/intensive/critical care class. The first eight weeks were lab and the same in hospital stuff I'd been doing the last few semesters just in the ICU. The next eight weeks we had preceptorship where we work alongside a nurse on a floor without our school assigned professor with us, usually at the hospital we wanted to work at so we had a foot in the door. I am kinda far from home and have yet to fully decide where I want to be when I graduate so I just picked the hospital closest to campus so I didn't have to go far and I was already working there as a safety sitter (observing mental health patients that were deemed a risk to themselves or others to make sure nothing happens). I started the semester already kinda tired and just ready to be done, I worked my ass off and I have poured all of myself into this for the last several years. About halfway through, right at the critical moment, I started losing all motivation and I couldn't get it back. I did the bare minimum for classes, I showed up to my preceptorship late several times, I sat and observed rather than always getting up and asking questions, and I just could not find it in myself to care. I cared about my patients, I wanted to help, but I couldn't, I have the skills and the knowledge but I was terrified of doing something wrong so I just watched.
I watched one paitent slowly fade the entire day as the family waited for another person to come, hoping she would last until he got there to say goodbye, not wanting to put her on comfort measures because they knew how fragile her situation was and when they finally couldn't stand to see her suffer anymore and put her on comfort, she was gone in less than five minutes. I watched a man get his breathing tube removed only to watch a nurse and anesthesiologist run in to re-intubate him a few hours later as he struggled to breathe. He only got worse and they brought machines in to do the work of his kidneys and heart externally as his family sat with him all day, just hoping he'd improve. I watched a woman, only a few years older than me with two kids, (one a baby, barely two months old) be prepared for organ donation after being declared brain dead from a freak accident where she had a massive blood clot in her lungs and collapsed, and ending up needing 2 rounds of CPR. I supported her arm so her baby could lay beside her for a while as her finace stood opposite and told me how excited she'd been about Halloween. I helped collect breast milk so that her baby could get those nutrients one last time and so that a ring could be made from it, just like she wanted. I stared more than once at the beautiful family pictures they'd just had done and brought in to remember what she was fighting for. I encouraged her fiance to go home and get some real rest for even just an hour or two for the first time since everything started on the day we knew she was scheduled for donation so he could be there to say goodbye. I helped wash and braid her hair to make her look more like herself. I stayed late to participate in her honor walk (where staff and family line the halls as the patient is wheeled to the elevator for donation, to honor the amazing gift they are giving but also to honor their life) and to watch the procurement. I cried quietly with the night nurse and held her hand as she remembered the loss of the fathers of her children also far too young as we slowly walked her past her family. I watched the donor coordinator hug her fiancé and promise to take care of her, and when they left a tiny vase of flowers behind, I clipped two and pressed them in my textbooks. I laughed with a patient about hearing the nursery jingle overhead among all the other noise of the floor and about how many extra laps he made around the unit after his heart surgery. I talked with another patient about his trip to the Philippines and how much he enjoyed the fruit and culture. But I didn't do my assessments without prompting, I waited and sat on my phone at the desk and I couldn't think through issues and plan well without help. As such, I ended up failing clinical and thus the class, meaning I couldn't graduate like I was planning this December.
This is all to say it was tough emotionally and mentally enough on its own but I was also already halfway into a self destructive spiral of depression without really noticing it. I noticed it as the seasons changed, as my cycle was starting or ending, and as the time to graduate grew closer and closer. I talked to my psychiatrist about it last week and she's put me on an additional medication to help with my recurring depressive episodes and my therapist is starting schema therapy with me at the start of the new semester to help with my recurring fear of failing. My amazing professor hugged me as I cried and even called the counseling office they day she told me I didn't pass. She placed me in her clinical group and is going to help me iron out these issues and I know that along with therapy and the new medication I will be able to achieve everything I have been fighting for. My amazing friends took a day to just wander the mall with me and spend time with me and they are rooting for me.
I don't tell this story for pity or sympathy. I tell it because of a girl I met the day I found out I didn't pass. I sat in the waiting room of the counseling office and the other girl was filling out her intake form as I talked to the secretary. When I said I didn't pass nursing, she started tearing up and said that she was in the same boat, only she was just starting. I asked if I could hug her, and when I saw her nod through my own teary eyes, I walked over and hugged her tight as we both cried. When I sat back down after a minute I just said "it sucks so bad, and it hurts so bad right now but if this is what you love, if this is what drives you, then you have to fight for it" and her smile made me smile on a day when I didn't think I could. That moment reminded me so clearly of the moment I decided to transfer and continue nursing because I realized that this is truly what I love and nothing is standing in my way except me. When I realized that, I got so frustrated and angry with myself because this is a pattern and I'm sick of it. I'm so excited for the new semester and to start on this new therapy with my new med. This past semester showed me that I actually really like the ICU and ER as well as renewing my interest in patient advocacy across the board.
I guess what I'm saying, for anyone who made it this far, is that life is bitch sometimes. It can hurt and it's gonna kick you when your down and pour salt in your open wounds and tell you to quit. And if you want to you can lay on the floor and lick your wounds, cause I sure as hell did, hell I encourage some time to cry and feel it out. But when you're ready, there's gonna be people there to help you stand up and figure it out. And who knows. Fingers crossed. One day. It could be me.
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I like Manhwas, specially those cliché isekai or revival ones. But one I absolutely hate in this moment is Lady Baby.
It started very well, with a cool lore to explain what happened before and kind of a investigation to know why she returned. The main character was quite interesting and very traumatized - wich only makes it more interesting, because she'd have to deal with her traumas in this new life right?
Wrong!
Putting aside a few people that makes her shudder, there is absolutely NO progression of character except for absurd changes in her behavior. She was stabilished as a fragile girl with a new purpose in life!... But she turns out to be perfect in every way possible.
One thing that makes me cringe to this day is when she spoke her first words as a baby. I kid you not, she made a whole speach in thanks for being birth. Wich would have been hilarious if it wasn't taken so seriously.
God, she absolutely rules everyone in that family! All the characters do whatever she wants because... because.
Whenever she needs to do something the author pulls a random flashback to show how she was good at it in her first life and rolls with it. And if that's not the case, they say she was very bad at it but practiced in this life - detail: it wasn't shown. Or talked about.
Then there is the male lead, who is... there. No, he does things to the plot and all, but he is just whatever the plot needs him to be. And at first it was said she was completely alone and helpless in her first life, and couldn't have help of a single soul...
But then out of nowhere there's a flashback about her talking to the male lead and having moments.
And it's so inconsistent in it's pacing! Oh my God, it's so annoying! I was literally dying and just went on scrolling through her life as an infant because it was so BORING! In Who Made Me a Princess you can see an amazing example of how to write your character while they're a child. And in Lady Baby it shows things with NO relevance to the plot. Look, there goes Lippe drinking milk again. Look, Lippe is running around and people are cooing. Look, there's Lippe being a model. Come on. And the characters- they are absurd.
You tell me a middle aged man sits down seriously and bargains with a child? And her mother just- sits there cooing? While flashbacks and exposition runs into our faces because without it we would have no clue to what the hell our main character is trying to do.
A great example of good use of flashbacks is Untouchable Lady, where it's shown to us as a way to justify Hilise's reactions and set up some hints of what to expect from each character, and even giving a great delivered (almost) non verbal exposition of the magic system in there. Where in Lady Baby, we get popped up to flashbacks almost every time Lippe has a mood swing.
The other characters are so bland it makes it even worse when Lippe is out of the scene, though it sure is a breath of fresh air - she is ALL over the place.
I have no shame in call her a Mary Sue at this point, since she went through my Mary Sue checklist:
Has no character development for she starts the journey already 'perfect'. Check.
Gets through her problems with no difficulty or struggle, simply moves past them. Check.
Nothing and no event changes her in any way, she always remains the same as before. Check.
Yep. All three categories.
So, these are my thoughts in Lady Baby. I do not mean to offend, of course, and even if I did I would have my rights to do so and spit shit, like every human being.
If you find my opinion trash, tell me why! I really like to know people's opinions about things I know.
I end this post with some nice manhwas recomendations:
Who made me a Princess;
Kill the Villainess;
Untouchable Lady (my current favorite);
Throw me Away;
Lucia;
I have no health;
Beware of the villainess (the best out of the genre and you will not convince me otherwise);
When the villainess loves.
Detail, I do not hate Lady Baby because it was bad to read it. It's fun sometimes. I hate it because it made me invested and then wasted my time.
#lady baby#who made me a princess#untouchable lady#solitary lady#kill the villainess#beware of the villainess#I have no health#when the villainess loves#calliope is a mary sue#fight me
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Devastated | Clark Kent x Reader
Pairing: Clark Kent x Reader
Word Count: 1.5k
Warnings: cancer, angst
A/N: Hey guys! Really hope you enjoy this fic. It’s super angsty. I revisited an old fic that I wrote many, many years ago for a different fandom, but it felt right to rewrite it with stuff that’s going on in my life right now with my dad. Please let me know what you guys think, but please be gentle (me fragile). This is my first fic about one of Henry ‘s characters, but I look forward to getting back into writing. Xxx much love -Stina
My Fic Recs
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Clark stared at the ceiling of his room listening to the clock hanging above his door. To anyone else, this would have been dull background noise, but to Clark it sounded like thunder roaring. It had been a painfully long day working at the Daily Planet and he was beyond glad it was over. Perry had been breathing down his neck all day about a story and his approaching deadline. Relief washed over Clark when he walked through the doors of his apartment building, but something was still missing. All he wanted to do was go see you.
Oh, how much he wanted to see you. You always brightened his day no matter what he had on his mind. The two of you had a complicated relationship. You were technically just friends. However, you tend to do things that only couples do. You've kissed once or twice after a night out and constantly cuddled each other whenever the chance arises, but it never progressed further than that. Neither of you brought up the subject, afraid of the others reaction and afraid to ruin whatever it was you had. Clark wanted to, god he wanted to, but you’ve never been in a real relationship and he hasn’t wanted to scare you away. He cares about you way too much to let that happen. Clark wants to protect you from ever being hurt no matter the cost.
It had been hours since Clark got home. He’s tried texting you around 10 times and has called you five times. This wasn't like you. You practically lived on your phone. You both always update each other throughout the day. Thank god for unlimited texting or else you would both be royally screwed. Clark was starting to get quite worried. What if something happened? Is she okay? were the only thoughts running through his head. He knew you were off from work today and you would have texted him if your job called you to come in. Maybe she's just asleep. She rarely has her volume up ever. Yeah, that has to be it. Clark was tempted to fly over to your apartment to check on you, but decided to text your sister before doing anything rash.
C: "hey, y/s/n. Is everything alright? I've been trying to reach Y/n for the last couple of hours and she isn't responding to me."
Y/s/n: "Clark, can you please go over to her apartment? She's an absolute wreck. I've heard her like this. I'm really worried."
C: "I’m on my way… what happened?"
Y/s/n: "our dad got his results back..."
The text was longer, but that was all Clark had to read before he flew over to your building. He didn’t care if anyone saw him. The whole world could have been burning and he wouldn’t have stopped. Your dad had cancer when you were younger, but he was doing well and had been in remission for quite some time. Recently, he had started to feel the same symptoms as the first time and went to get some tests done. Y/s/n's text only meant one thing. The cancer was back.
If this was true, then it made perfect sense why you wouldn't contact him. You would be devastated. Your dad was the most important person in your life. You loved him unconditionally and looked up to him like he could do no wrong.
Clark reached you within seconds. He knocked on the door and waited. He could hear nothing but silence which surprised him. When you did not come to the door, Clark retrieved the spare key from the top of your door frame. When he didn’t see you on the couch, he made his way to your bedroom and slowly opened the door, careful not to startle you. You laid there on the purple comforter sleeping. You looked utterly exhausted from crying. Your puffy eyes were singed pink. Your cheeks looked wet and sticky from what surely was hours of countless tears flowing. It truly pained Clark to see you in such a state.
Clark climbed into the other side of the bed just like he'd done numerous times before, but this time was different. You looked so broken. He carefully reached over and wiped a few stray tears off your cheeks and placed a gentle kiss underneath each of your eyes. They slowly fluttered open and acknowledged Clark’s presence. You sniffled a few times, but didn't cry.
"What are you doing here, Clark?" you whispered as if just that was taking all your energy.
"Your sister texted me...what happened, y/n? You know you can tell me anything," Clark inquired knowing that she needed to let it all out.
"You don't have to do this, Clark. Go somewhere and have fun. Don't waste your time on me. I know you'd rather be out with your other friends right now. You probably had a rough day and don’t need me to unload my baggage," you spoke immediately biting your lip and blinking your eyes in order to fight back the tears that were already pooling.
"Listen, love. You know that there is nowhere else I would rather be. I'm here for you and I always will be. No matter what happens, I'll be right here by your side. I care about you, Y/n. I care more than you could ever know, just tell me what happened." Clark cupped your cheek as he gently wiped the traitorous tears away with the pad of his thumb.
You broke and told Clark everything that had happened since he spoke to you last. You were a trembling mess laid on the bed next to him. Clark tightly wrapped both his arms around you, never wanting to let go whispering comforting words into your ear trying to make it even a little bit better.
You grabbed his white t-shirt with two fists and sobbed into it which would surely be ruined with your leftover mascara running from your eyes. It didn't matter to Clark though, not even a little. It was worth it. You were worth it.
Once you calmed down hours later, Clark pulled back slowly still holding you securely and stared at you. You looked up at him through your lashes and had the faintest smile across your face.
"Thank you, Clark, genuinely. For everything. You didn't have to lay here with me this entire time. I'm not worth it..."
Clark stopped you instantly. "Don't ever say that, my love. You deserve the moon, the stars, and the sun. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. I would go to the end of the earth for you and it still would never be enough. I care about you, Y/n. More than I can even put into words. The past few months that this has been going on have been the best of my life. You make me feel whole. Like something has been missing all this time and I'm starting to realize what it was. "
The dim smile that you once wore turned into a full-blown smirk. "I don't see what you're getting at Mr. Kent."
That's it. There's my girl. MY girl. God, I love the way that sounds. That sarcastic idiot is my world and I intended to spend the rest of my life proving that to her.
"Shut up," Clark muttered as he slowly leaned in, meeting you in the middle. Your lips collided and the feeling of his lips connected with your soft ones felt like nothing he could ever describe. He would never get sick of this feeling. The way you made him feel was like he was floating high through the sky (which he had plenty of experience with, but this was a million time better). The best high that no drug could every give him. If you were a drug, Clark was happily addicted to your sweet intoxication.
You both pulled back and Clark rested his forehead on yours cupping your face with both of his hands. "Let's get some sleep, love. We can discuss more of this tomorrow if we need to."
You sluggishly nodded with your head still spinning and placed your head on his broad chest curling into the position you had assumed many times before. Clark loved nothing more than cuddling with you. It felt like home. She is my home.
You placed one hand across his chest as he dropped both of his arms comfortably around your waist not letting you go anywhere. Tonight, she is all mine and I can live with that.
One day you would take the next step closer to each other, but not tonight. You were still vulnerable from the news of your dad’s health. Clark wanted your decision to be with him to be a clear one, not just because he was the only one there for you. Tonight, Clark was simply a shoulder to cry on and he was perfectly content with that. Someday, Y/n. Someday, I will have the guts to tell you how I really feel. How I'm quickly feeling that four-letter word that every guy is so afraid of. But the thing is, I'm not so afraid anymore.
#clark kent x reader#clark kent#henry cavill#superman#superman x reader#clark kent angst#clark kent fanfiction
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i have been holding this idea to myself for an entire MONTH AHAHA but here we are , i’m a big gorl now and i really wanted to share the angst — along with finally starting a blog on tumblr . so yeah ! i’m new , pls be kind to me , i have food 👉🏼👈🏼 i hope you enjoy my first story !
𝐒𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐄 .
PAIRINGS : tooru oikawa x fem! reader
GENRE : angst , romance
TRIGGERS : bits of cursing here n there , ig ?
SYNOPSIS : tooru doesn’t understand how special you are to him until he comes close to losing you forever . as he struggles to comes to grips with his feelings and balance it with his future , you still have to recover from your own injuries , but without your memories to assist you .
[ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄 ] > 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎 .
the beginning of a storm ; why was tooru at seijoh so late ?
word count : 1.9k .
saudade masterlist.
SAUDADE
( 𝐧 . ) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant , or that has been loved and then lost ; “ the love that remains ”
⠀"tooru? i've tried calling you for almost an hour now... what are you still doing here?" the janitor had allowed you an entrance inside seijoh, your light jacket pressed against your body as you scuffled through the gym doors, your tongue clicking as you eyed a certain brunette captain serving his god-knows-how-many time of deadly top-spin serves.
⠀his eyes darted in your direction the moment your voice filled the echoey gym walls, your concerned tone ringing back and forth as his brown irises glared at you through narrow eyelids. a nervous lump grew in your throat, your stomach understanding the regret in the decision you made. oikawa was in one of his moods again; you should've known better than to barge in during his serving practice.
⠀still, even with your boyfriend acting the way he was - without saying a single word - there was no use in just leaving aoba johsai as quickly as you arrived. you came to check on tooru, and that was exactly what you were going to do. "it's late, tooru. we still have school tomorrow! you need your rest, please give yourself a break, it'll do more harm than good for you."
⠀"you say that every time, y/n." oikawa rolled his eyes as he bent down to grab a nearby volleyball rolling at his feet, palming it in his right hand and pointing it at the net. his focus was intent - you knew exactly what he was doing. for the past couple of weeks, the captain focused his practice on serving, locking in and applying all of his power to one spot on the court only. it was a feat not many could accomplish, but tooru was scarily coming close to mastering such a challenge. it required extra practice, of course, but certainly not to this extent.
⠀"as your girlfriend and as the manager of the aoba johsai volleyball team, i'm worried about you, you know?" taking a deep, brave breath, you stepped further into the gym, your footsteps creating more echoes for the two of you to listen to as you approached the sweat-covered third year, who had paused his serving practice to watch you come to him. his lips were pursed - and not in a way that sent your heart aflutter. oikawa hated when you disturbed him and tried talking him out of practicing; he'd give any reason and excuse to avoid it.
⠀"just one more serve, alright? then you can drag me out, whatever. i don't really want to listen to your self-health lectures right now." his free hand rested on his hips, the volleyball now resting between his waist and underneath his arm, interrupting you as your mouth opened to say something more. you had grown accustomed to tooru's mood swings as time went on; he didn't mean much by it, and you understood his position. his passion towards the sport was what originally captivated you towards the captain in the first place. you weren't exactly part of his fanclub, per se, but you sure as hell were close enough as a member. the only difference between you and the other girls was that you were lucky enough to snag the job as the volleyball club manager.
⠀"one serve, tooru." your arms crossed as you bit back his nasty glare with one of your own. most of the time, it worked. "push your luck and i'll call iwaizumi here to drag you out of the gym himself." you and hajime were always a tag team whenever it came to putting an iron fist down on tooru, though the stubborn male usually only listened to iwa, since he was the one who packed a nasty punch. oikawa did listen to you occasionally, just not as much as you would've liked.
⠀he rolled his eyes and turned away from you in place of a reply, holding the ball out in front of him. he was silent, and so were you. this was his routine for practice, all of his dirty talk could wait for the matches. you moved to his sports bag, sighing to yourself as you saw his cellphone plopped on top of his club jacket like a cherry on top. he must've had his ringer off, which would explain why he didn't pick up any of your calls. crossing your arms lightly over your chest, you watched with intent eyes as your boyfriend tossed his ball into the air, his gaze directly focused on nothing else but the flying object. he began his standard approach, your breath held as the gym exploded with the sound of his palm coming in contact with the volleyball. your eyes could hardly follow its path; you blinked once, and the ball was already bouncing against the wall.
⠀"damn, another fluke." you were about to compliment tooru's killer serve before you listened to him reprimand himself - you could tell this wasn't the first time he scolded himself for a mistake only he could identify. you noticed him walking to grab another ball, but you ran out to him, kicking his targeted ball out of reach before looking up at him and pressing a finger to his chest lightly.
⠀"enough, tooru. you promised me only one more serve. you've done that already, pack up so we can leave already. you have tomorrow to continue."
⠀"what the hell, y/n? i was just going to-"
⠀you knew him way too well to believe his next lie. "don't even try and say you were going to start picking up volleyballs. i see that look in your eyes, as clear as a cloudless day. you were intent on serving again, tooru; you can't lie to me. you-"
⠀"could you just stop already? who are you, my mother?" he clenched his jaw as he swatted your finger away from his chest, storming away from you as he bent down to pick up another ball, just right behind the boundary line. "i know you care, y/n. you make that very clear. but i can take care of myself, okay? just go home."
⠀"tooru-"
⠀"go, y/n."
⠀oh hell no you weren't.
⠀not without him leaving too.
⠀you turned the corner and pretended to leave seijoh, your face faking its exasperation. leaning against the wall right outside of the gym doors, you reached into your front pocket, your phone warm in your hand. unlocking the screen and searching through your contacts, you tapped the call button for the one person that had the ability to drag oikawa out of the gymnasium.
⠀"hello?"
⠀"iwa! thank goodness you answered."
⠀"it's so late, y/n. do you need help burying a body or something?"
⠀"i wish. i hope this isn't too much to ask, but could you please come to seijoh? tooru refuses to stop practicing, and he won't listen to me."
⠀"god, again?" a sigh could be heard from the other line. "yeah, i'll be right there. open the door for me, will you?"
⠀"thank you so much, iwa. i'll be at the door."
⠀you hung up the call, your eyes gazing at the doors as you waited for your friend to appear. you bit down on the side of your cheek and listened to every sound of contact tooru made with every serve. nothing could get him out of his moods - at least, not anything verbal. you'd need physical force to actually get him to step out of the gym doors. hence, why you needed hajime here.
⠀you heard a knock at the door a few minutes later, and you just about sprinted, a gracious smile stretched upon your lips as you allowed iwaizumi into the school. he looked like he rolled out of bed, his mouth in his natrual scowl. when his eyes laid upon you, his glare softened when he looked at your smile. "alright, where is he?"
⠀"in the gym, where he always is."
⠀"allow me." rolling up his own sleeves, the spiky-haired ace marched through the gym doors with you in line behind him, peering over him to look at oikawa's face the moment he was in the setter's line of vision.
⠀"oh, it's iwa. i'm not surprised, y/n is too stubborn to listen to me."
⠀"you're one to talk, shittykawa. don't you know what time it is?" taking out his phone and shaking it to make a point, he wasted no time in walking towards the brunette. you were nervous; usually oikawa would falter at the sight of hajime alone, but tonight seemed to be different. instead of giving in, he merely gave his new company a dirty glare. "go home already. it's late, we have school tomorrow, and the playoffs are soon. you're just going to tire yourself out, and i'll beat your ass if we don't face the other teams at our best." he then chuckled. "i've pulled you out of here myself multiple times, don't think i won't do it again."
⠀oikawa turned his icy stare at you, before glancing back at hajime with a bored yawn. "fine, fine," he retorted, throwing his calloused hands up in mock surrender, "you win, y/n. happy? i'm leaving the gym now, so don't be any more pushy than you have been tonight. it's giving me a headache."
⠀those words hurt more than you thought they would, tooru antagonizing the fact that you were only trying to care for him. your eyes rested at your feet, letting your hair rest in front of your face as you listened to tooru's volleyball shoes walk across the gym. you could hear iwa's as well; the two of them were picking up the volleyballs around the court, but your legs were in no position to help, not with how fragile they felt.
⠀you looked up on time to see oikawa slinging his bag over his shoulder, his nasty little glare plastered all over his face as he began to walk out of the gym. "goodnight," was the only thing he muttered as he brushed against your shoulder with his own on his way out. your head whirled around as you watched your boyfriend walk away without another word. you didn't have it in you to reply.
⠀"are you sure you two are in a relationship?" you jumped at iwa's voice, just noticing him standing beside you. "he didn't even bother asking to drive you home. some boyfriend he is."
⠀"ah, don't be like that, iwa." you forced yourself to laugh at the situation in a desperate attempt to make light of it, but the effort was futile, and utterly pathetic. "tooru's a good boyfriend! he just gets in his moods sometimes, but it happens to the best of us. nothing i can't handle. after a good night's rest, i'm sure he'll be back to normal in no time."
⠀"i hope you're right." he turned to face you, peering down at you before placing both of his hands in his pockets. "do you need a ride home? i know you live close by, but it's gotten colder now, and we can't have our manager catching a cold on us."
⠀this time a real laugh left your system, shrugging your shoulders as you looked to the outside, before back at hajime. he looked pretty serious, despite looking fatigued. "are you sure, iwa? i don't want to bother you with it."
⠀"nonsense." he shook his head. "since your boyfriend couldn't do his job in taking care of you, i'll just drive you home tonight. okay?"
⠀your heart dropped at his words.
⠀your boyfriend couldn't do his job in taking care of you.
⠀"... yeah, okay."
a / n : JFJSJFJFJF i wrote just a wee bit much , usually i’ll aim for around 1k , maybe a lil less on lazy days . anywho ! ty for reading , i hope you enjoyed part one 🥺
#haikyuu imagine#oikawa tooru#oikawa fic#oikawa x y/n#oikawa angst#oikawa scenarios#oikawa x reader#haikyuu!!#aoba johsai#seijoh#seijou#hajime iwaizumi#iwaizumi x reader#fem reader#female reader#x reader#haikyuu angst#haikyuu oikawa#oikawa tōru
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“Babe, what are you doing?” You finished folding the top you were currently holding and placed it in to your suitcase before turning towards your boyfriend and observing the look of genuine curiosity on his face. Mark had just arrived home after his shift at the hospital; you had a feeling he must have been exhausted and you couldn’t blame him.
Since a few of his colleagues either called in sick or went on vacation this past week, he’s been working overtime and it was obvious the extra hours were taking a toll on his mental and physical health. But he was never one to complain and he sincerely loved being a nurse. Working in the medical field was one of the more tiresome occupations and so you understood that all he probably wanted to do was fall asleep. It was only 8:30 P.M., however, he would always go to bed as soon as he got home from work no matter what time it was.
Seeing you on the ground right outside of your closet, packing multiple pairs of your clothes away probably confused the hell out of him and he was most definitely not tired at all anymore. Sure, he came home wanting nothing more than to take a quick shower and go straight to bed with you wrapped tightly in his embrace, but now he had other plans.
“Packing.” He began to walk closer to where you were sitting and took his place next to you, his dumbfounded expression didn’t falter nor did it waver. You had to stifle back a laugh; you were confident he had an idea as to what you were doing, so you were well aware that your response wasn’t going to amuse him in any way.
“I can see that. Packing for what?”
“Girl’s trip.” Once you admitted your plans and the reason behind your packing, his look of confusion quickly turned in to that of a frown.
“I don’t remember us making plans to go somewhere. With who? Where are we going?”
“Not we Mark. Just Sophia, Riley, Julia and I.”
“Wait, what? Why? When? Where are you going? Why didn’t you tell me?” As much as you wanted to continue your packing, seeing his broken expression as he hesitantly reached for your clothes; as if he wanted to get you to stop tugged all but gently on your heartstrings.
“I told you a couple of days ago. Right after we finished—you know—“
“You mean to tell me, that you told me you planned on going on a trip with your friends after we finished making love? My head was obviously somewhere else—I was too busy in between your pretty thighs to even care about anything else but this beautiful body of yours—you did this on purpose babe. It’s as if you knew I would try to prevent you from going. I mean, you have every right to go and I’m not the kind of boyfriend to hold you back from having your fun and spending time with your friends, but any minute spent away from you feels like a fucking eternity and it’s sucks. I’m happiest whenever I’m with you and I’m sure you know it by now. No matter how shitty my day is at work, I put up with whatever life throws at me because I know I’m coming home to you. Now you’re leaving me all by myself for God knows how long—what am I going to do without you?”
When he first found you folding your clothes and sorting out your luggage, you found his curiosity extremely adorable. You expected this kind of reaction out of him; that’s just who Mark was. For someone who was only a few years away from reaching thirty, he could be such a big baby sometimes. However, that was a trait of your boyfriend’s that you admired the most about him. He was very sensitive; but that’s because he had one of the biggest hearts that anyone could own and he had a small amount of separation anxiety when it came to you.
It never bothered you though, it just showed that he loved and cared about you with his entire being. That information alone never failed to pull on your heartstrings. Seeing him so fragile right now; probably exhausted beyond belief after a long day yet on the verge of tears at the idea of being alone for a little while made you feel terrible. In the three years of your relationship, you never spent more than three days without each other. Wherever you went, Mark followed and vice versa. If you went to visit your family back home, he was right there next to you. If he went with his friends to an arcade, you would tag along even if gaming wasn’t your forte. A lot of your friends would jokingly refer to you and your boyfriend as magnets. The two of you stuck together like glue. You were never not together other than when either of you were at work.
Out of instinct and guilt for not informing him more about your plans, you crawled over to him and sat on his lap; wrapping your arms around his neck and placed a soft kiss on his jaw. He placed his face in the valley of your breasts and released a soft sigh. Mark was a firm believer in actions speaking louder than words. He would shower you with his love on a daily basis—he did almost every single thing for you. He loved being able to help you and support you in any way he possibly could. If you were tired from taking on more hours at your job; he would cook dinner of the both of you. He would also wash the dishes, do the laundry, sweep and mop your apartment and sometimes he would even prepare breakfast for you and pack your lunches.
Your boyfriend was just a very thoughtful and considerate human being. He was the definition of a gentleman and even if he would remind you that he loved you at least five times a day, you could tell by his many sacrifices; you were his entire world. Hearing him confess how bothered the news of the trip made him only caused you to regret not putting more thought in to your decision. What started off as a joke just to see what kind of reaction you would illicit out of him was now something so much bigger; something that could have been prevented.
“It’s only a week Mark—“
“A week? An entire week? Seriously y/n? How long have you been planning this for and why do you seem so okay with the thought of being away from me?”
“Well, I was actually the last one to know. The girls didn’t tell me until the same night I told you. They just assumed I wasn’t going to go because they all know I don’t want to go anywhere you aren’t. God, we sound so pathetic. Sophia is joining the peace core in July, so she wants to spend as much time with us before she has to go away for two years. I wouldn’t go if that wasn’t the reason why they planned this entire trip. Jackson and Jinyoung seemed to take the news perfectly fine and I’ve heard that they are planning a trip of their own. I’m surprised that they didn’t reach out to you—“
“That’s because unlike them, I’m so far up your ass that I probably wouldn’t have any fun at all and it would be a waste of time and money if I were just moping the entire vacation. Plus, I don’t think I’d want to go with them anyway. The last time we went somewhere together, we almost got kicked out of a karaoke bar because Jackson’s dumb ass was being too loud. Humph, I’m really going to miss you. Damnit, what did you do to me? I never used to be this sappy before but here I am acting like it’s the end of the world since my girlfriend is going somewhere; probably going to have the time of her life with her friends while I do nothing but sit here like a loser until she gets back.”
You giggled softly at his words and beamed up at him; cupping his cheek with your palm before placing a few sweet kisses on his lips.
“We’re driving to Vegas—and luckily they already decided that it’s Riley whose in charge of getting us there so I will make sure to call you and text you whenever I get the chance. Trust me, I already tried to hint towards inviting you but they were quick to disagree. No boys on this trip—“
He pouted frustratingly once you said those words and wrapped his arms even tired around your sides. “Why not? I’m the best boyfriend out of our friend group let’s be honest here baby. The girls like me the most. Jackson talks too much and Jinyoung’s a petty asshole. I’m the quiet, mysterious and lighthearted boyfriend. I promise, you won’t even know that I’m there.”
You grazed your thumb against his cheek; trying your best to stifle back a laugh at his attempts to get you to reconsider. You were confident in the love your boyfriend had for you, but you weren’t sure how far he was willing to go in order to be with you at all times.
“Babe—“
“Fine, fine whatever. Go have your fun, you deserve it for all the hard work you had to suffer through in the last few weeks. But once you’re done putting away all your necessities, I want you on all fours. I need to fuck you tonight—no love making. I’m not going easy on you at all. I’m going to make sure your pussy is numb and your legs are jello once I’m done with you. Remember, five photos a day—make it ten. Two of the scenery, three of your gorgeous face I can never seem to take my eyes off of and five nudes. Oh, and I expect gifts. I want one of those five keychains and maybe a shirt that says I left my poor boyfriend home alone so that I could lose all my money playing slot machines—“
A breathy groan fell from his pretty lips as you elbowed him in his rib cage as your way to get him to stop talking. He was guilt tripping you and you’ve been with Mark long enough to know why he would do all that he did. You were also now very horny. It never failed to make you smile at an idiot knowing how soft spoken he was and how everyone around Mark assumed he must have been such a sweet, introverted guy. If only everyone knew just how much of a dominant, rough, animalistic and forceful man he was in the bedroom.
“That sounds like a great plan. Trust me my love, I’m going to miss you just as much as you’ll miss me. Before we do anything though, what are you going to do while I’m gone?”
“Wish I was a girl. Now, take off your clothes and let me hit it from the back. Maybe I can fuck you so hard you won’t be able to move and I’ll have to nurse you back to health. Preferably with my dick.”
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*how the signs are acting during quarantine*
~with a touch of unsolicited advice: my venus in cancer’s specialty~
<3 pick your sun, moon, rising, mars, mercury, venus, or dominant sign <3
aries
overall, restless. the day seems to drag on and on, and they cope with it by playing video games and snapchatting someone every 20 seconds. self-hatred lingers in the back of their mind, because of all the time they have to analyze themselves. at random times (usually at night), they may be hit with big waves of profound emotions, where they just need to cry it out and acknowledge how lost they feel. may wonder what their purpose is, or where they fit in in the big scheme of the world. gets philosophical, but not in that condescendingly vague, optimistic way--they truly want answers, because the nothingness is just getting to be too much.
taurus
is actually doing pretty okay. is reading a lot about how they can improve themselves, and probably have a few google docs open with plans on how to upgrade their life. they’ve probably started a garden of some sort, or bought some plants to take care of. the day may seem to pass by quickly for them. they fill their time with watching movies and discovering new recipes to cook. has started getting more sleep, which makes their alluring eyes even more beautiful. the downside is that they may feel a bit groggy, or their head feels heavy, because even the most security-loving, routine-oriented zodiac sign needs some variety.
gemini
getting really excited about all these new methods for self-improvement: exercise, mental health, new projects, clearing their skin, etc. is consistent with these newfound activities for a few days, then gets annoyed when they don’t have 45 inch hips, a 22 inch waist and graceful, 11-shaped abs after less than a week of the chloe ting hourglass program. talks on the phone as they sit on the toilet. watches youtube videos about how to achieve the glow-up that they crave, but can never commit to a single video’s advice. wants something exciting to happen in their life, so they lean into their big emotions and taboo curiosities to compensate for the lack of stimulation. on their phone a LOT.
cancer
has gotten even more beautiful since the quarantine started. loves the simplicity they’re getting accustomed to, but also constantly worries if they’re “making the most” of all this free time. probably will scold themselves after all this is over for not being more disciplined during self-isolation. goes on walks outside a lot, and finds that connecting with nature significantly boosts their mood. observes the quiet beauty around them as a way to cope with the universal chaos of our world. since cancer tends to be a very empathetic sign, they may feel like a sponge for fatigue and suffering whenever they read the news. being aware of the world is great and necessary, but take care of yourself, cancer. know when to take a break from the news.
leo
is really excited about reinventing themselves--they want it all! new clothes, improved mindset, cleaner room, a kinder social circle, new hair--the works. they want to bust out of quarantine looking even more striking than before, with a wardrobe reflecting their new style. probably has either already done something drastic to their hair (like dying it, or the dreaded 2 am impulsive bangs cut), or is at least seriously considering it. really wants to get out of their house and camp out on the beach or something--they miss seeing their friends face-to-face, and try to make up for it by calling them to hear their voices. is irritated that they happened to be born at a time where the pivotal years of their life are being wasted by such an awful series of world events.
virgo
has upgraded their bedroom to look as aesthetically pleasing and soothing as possible. their social life has most likely downsized to 2-3 super close and genuine friends that they call, text, and/or facetime with daily. since virgo is a mutable sign, they’ve probably done a great job adjusting to their surroundings and are helping their family with domestic tasks. however, they may feel anxious, and unsatisfied with their current mindset and resources, so they feel the urge to expand their horizons and feed their genius mind as much as possible! it may be hard to find motivation, virgo, but the world needs a physical manifestation of your potential right now. if you have an idea you want to pursue but are too scared to, take the plunge. this sounds cheesy and cliche but, this is your sign to start!
libra
reminisces a lot about the past. thinks about how they would have handled past situations differently, and mentally shames themselves for it. is probably doing a lot of self-reflection, which is good for their sweet hearts and furthers the progress of their mental health, but also depresses them, as libra energy tends to be highly critical of itself. sleeping in too late and talking aloud to themselves at ungodly hours of the night. finds their mind going on the philosophical route more often than usual. might be posting passive-aggressive mood quotes on instagram
scorpio
is actually exercising pretty consistently like they said they would. their body has been getting curvalicious and toned, and to that i say WOOHOO GO SCORPIO! however, they’ve probably completely messed up their entire sleep schedule, and may be practically nocturnal some days. probably feels really emotional at the moment, and is overwhelmed with the amount of pain in the world that they wish they could singlehandedly stop. may be pretty loner-ish at the moment, and is probably not very active on their social media, because they’re realizing who their truest friends are. scorpio does well with transformation (they’re ruled by pluto, the planet of regeneration) so rest assured, they will emerge from quarantine new and improved!
sagittarius
is eating too much junk food. sagittarius, if you’re reading this right now, PUT DOWN THE CHIPS BUDDY BOY. is probably finding ways to hang out with their friends in person, like yelling across the sidewalk to them while wearing a mask. has been super active on social media regarding current social justice issues. feels enormous compassion for the oppressed and has been signing petitions at the speed of light. probably getting in fights with their family and being a little feistier than usual. i can’t blame them though...sagittarius is a sign that needs entertainment, so they’re gonna be a little punchy in this stagnant yet catastrophic time.
capricorn
has established a daily routine that keeps them feeling grounded and stable. they may realize how little they’ve actually prioritized their own joy in the past, and they’re using quarantine as a way to get to know themselves again. purchases luxury pajamas and is most likely drinking a hot beverage in a mug right now. probably on a health kick. is getting even closer with their closest friends, and basically forgets about acquaintances. cuddling their pets a lot (or fantasizing about adopting a pet if they don’t have one). misses putting on mascara and stepping into that cute skirt, because that sPeCiAL pErSoN isn’t there to see it lol
aquarius
thinking about ways they can make money. getting bursts of hyper inspiration to flip their life around and start working super hard for their dream life. is masking hopelessness, and finds themselves pondering the fragility of human life. may experience thoughts of nihilism that they don’t act on, and is increasingly worried about the state of their environment. is stuck between feeling motivated and believing in their ability to positively transform, and getting depressed and detached from their earthly obligations.
pisces
probably painting their nails a lot. is finding ways to put a little spice of excitement in their life--like making a nice breakfast (at 4 pm, which is like an hour after they wake up lately), giving their pet a concert of them, naked, singing ski mask the slump god songs into a hairbrush they’re pretending is a microphone. stares at themselves in the mirror for too long, letting their insecurities get the best of them. has probably gotten in touch with their grandparents (or any other relatives they usually don’t keep in close touch with) over the phone. may be dealing with worsened anxiety and feelings of depression at this time, and sleeps a lot to try to escape it. their room might be pretty messy at the moment as well, which they’re overly hard on themselves for. pisces: you are such a uniquely sweet and tender soul. take it one day at a time and never underestimate the power of reaching out to someone <3
#aries#taurus#gemini#cancer#leo#virgo#libra#scorpio#sagittarius#capricorn#aquarius#pisces#the signs during quarantine#covid-19#quarantine#unsolicited advice#i'm psychic i know#astrology#astrologytrash05
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Solangelo - "I Will Follow You into the Dark" - One-Shot
Summary: Will and Nico discuss their upcoming trip to Tartarus and argue about it.
Word Count: 2166
TW: Implied Homophobia (super small, though)
SPOILERS: The Burning Maze, Tower of Nero
Read on AO3
It’s been a shaky morning, to say the least.
Will and Nico had to get up early to go find a gift for the Trogs, and it really was no easy hassle for either of them to get up. So much had happened the day before that it was almost impossible to find the will to rise early.
But somehow they managed it. With sleep still heavy in their eyes and a pale sheen over both their skins, the boys ventured out of Camp Half-Blood to accomplish the first step before the looming chaos: getting a lizard.
It’s about eleven in the morning by the time they find themselves on the subway train. The vehicle creaks and groans as the boys are submerged into darkness.
Will and Nico were lucky enough to get a seat right next to each other. The subway train is packed with people just as tired they are, all zooming forward to complete their mundane, uneventful lives.
Will wonders if they even know how much their life is in danger today. It’s always been a little funny how demigods and gods work behind the scenes to keep the world away from devastation, all just to see that mortals are so painfully oblivious to things happening around them. But Will supposes they have an excuse - many of them can’t see through the Mist, and besides, they all have their own smaller worries to care about.
If only his own worries were as small as theirs.
Will leans into Nico a little, pressing his arm against the son of Hades. Even though it’s barely a show of affection, a burst of pink blooms over Nico’s nose and cheeks. Will decides to lean away a little at the sight. He knows that Nico is not comfortable with too much public affection, especially in public places like NYC, which Will can understand. He’d rather die by the hands of a monster instead of a mere mortal who can’t accept who he is.
Nonetheless, Nico touches Will’s finger with his, just a little, and that’s enough to make Will smile. No one can see their hands touching, but maybe that’s what makes the touch so exciting to Will - they’re doing this in secret, living in their own tiny world.
Will eases into Nico again, just a little bit - not enough to make their relationship painfully obvious, but enough to tell Nico he’s here. A ghost of a smile haunts Nico’s lips.
“Thank you for agreeing to come today,” Nico says, his voice sweet and gentle as honey as it sweeps through Will’s ears. He turns his head to look at Will, and just as he does, the train opens up into the bright sunny light. It flashes against the right side of his face, seeps into his skin, illuminates his dark eyes. He can do anything and make it look like a Renaissance painting.
Will smiles. “Well, I’m not going to let you go alone.”
Nico raises an eyebrow. “I don’t know, Will. You didn’t seem very excited to come with me. You know, what with the whole ‘the Trogs are bad for you, Nico,’ ‘don’t risk your mental health, Nico,’ ‘no, Nico.’”
Will sighs. “And yet you still decided to go.”
“I would be dooming everyone if I didn’t.”
“But do you realize that sometimes you don’t need to take the weight of the world on your shoulders all the time?”
“Well, isn’t that why you’re coming with me today? To help take some of the weight?”
Will lowers his gaze as a trickle of fear slithers down his back. “I’m not really talking about the Trogs anymore.”
“I figured you weren’t.” An icier tone stabs Nico’s words, and Will winces. “I don’t want to talk about Tartarus right now.” His eyes waver around the train. “Not here, at least.”
Will wants to keep talking about it, though. But he sees the shadows behind Nico’s eyes, the underlying fear that plagues him at night.
“Fine,” he whispers boldly. “We’ll talk about it when we get off.”
~
About fifteen minutes later, the subway train screeches to a halt at the station. Darkness has once again infiltrated their space, and the scent of trash and dirt swims around the boys. Will sticks close to Nico, just to make sure neither of them get lost in the chaos of New York City.
As soon as they’re out into fresh air, Will tugs his boyfriend’s hand, stopping the both of them in their tracks. People mill around, pushing past the two, but the boys are stuck in time. Nico looks at Will, a darkness roiling behind his irises, and Will knows that they have to talk about it now. He wants them to.
Nico sighs and steps closer, slipping his hand out of Will’s. He crosses his arms across his chest. “We have a mission, Will. This is important. Why are we talking about this now?”
“We need to.” Quickly, Will rushes the two of them to an empty alleyway, where shadows envelop them in a cold embrace and silence segregates them from the rest of the world. While the day outside is sunny and warm, a cold breeze brushes against their faces in the shade.
Nico scrubs his face in annoyance. “I don’t understand why we have to talk about this now.”
“We haven’t talked about it at all,” Will says. “Every time I try to, you always switch the topic or we get whisked away to something new.”
“Then what do you want to talk about?” Nico grumbles. “We already know that it’s likely I have to go back in. What else is there to discuss?”
“What we have to discuss is who’s going with you. You’re not going down there alone again.”
Nico laughs curtly. “Will, I’m not taking you with me. You already offered and I’m turning you down. I’m going on my own.”
Will shakes his head. “Nico, you can’t. You just started getting voices from someone in Tartarus - who, by the way, we aren’t even sure is real - and you’re thinking that you have to go.” Will steps closer, his curls bouncing mere inches from Nico’s face. “If you have to go, I’m going with you. You went in and almost lost your sanity. It’s a miracle you even made it out alive and with your mind intact. Going back in will be like a shredder to your brain, and not to mention you’re going to be even more mentally unstable than the first time.”
Nico raises a brow. “I beg to differ. I’ll be going in stronger than last time.” He pulls away from the blond. “I’m stronger than I was then, Will. I’m emotionally, mentally, and physically better. You don’t need to think I’m fragile.”
“I don’t think you’re fragile, Nico.” Will’s mouth curls into a frown, and concern laces in his eyes. “I never think that.”
“Then why are you insisting to come with me? If anything, you’re going to be worse off than I am.”
At his words, Will’s heart skips a beat. Red hot rage simmers over his blood, invades his system, folds over his mind. “Why would I be worse off?” Will asks, a scowl flashing over his features. Before Nico can answer, he blurts, “Is it because I’m weak? Because I’m just a kid of Apollo? Because I’m better at healing and that I’m some kind of sweet, innocent child of nature?” Without meaning to, all of Will’s repressed anger spills into his words, puddles out into the open. The ache of tears builds up in his throat, choking him with his rage. Will drowns in his insecurities, suffocates under his sadness.
“Because I’m not a child of the Big Three?” he suggests further, his voice like shards of glass that sink into Nico’s skin. “Is that why I’m going to be worse?”
Nico blinks in surprise. He steps back a little, fear sparkling in his eyes. As much as Will hates to make him feel that way, there’s still that inkling of pride at the back of his mind. He’s making someone afraid. He’s never able to do that.
Nico shakes his head vigorously. “No, Will, I would never think that. It’s not because you’re weak. You’re not weak.”
“Then what is it? Am I useless to you? Nothing more than your pretty, innocent boyfriend?”
“Where is this coming from? Why are you acting like this?”
Nico’s words echo in Will’s brain, prodding through his mind. Will blinks, surprised by his question. Where is this coming from? Will wonders.
A wave of emotions overflows in his chest, surges in his throat, rises to his head. His vision turns red and yellow and he holds his head in his hands, trying to stop the rage in his body. He feels like he’s going to explode, to combust, to burn up. He’s going to destroy everything in this alleyway.
Tears prick his eyes, and one slips out of the corner, creating a crack against the side of his face. He’s breaking. “I can’t let you go alone, Nico,” Will whispers, voice pleading, begging, urging. He grabs for Nico’s hands, yearning for his warmth. “I can’t let you risk your life. I can’t let another person die.”
Nico’s chest heaves with each breath, his own eyes swimming with tears. His mouth is pulled at the corners, stretched with anger and exhaustion and annoyance. For a second, he lets Will take his hands, to hold him. But then he snatches them back angrily, a scowl prominent across his features.
“How do you think I feel letting you come with me?” Nico hisses, his hands shivering at his sides. “I can’t let you die because of me, Will. You’re one of the few people I have left in this world. Jason died. My mother died. Bianca left me. I’m not letting you leave me, too. Not if I can fucking help it.” A teardrop rolls down the side of his face and he wipes it away, but two more slip over his face. “You’re not coming and that’s final.”
Will runs his hands through his curls in frustration. “Why aren’t you understanding this, Nico?” he hisses. “Why can’t you see that I feel the same way? You know how guilty I feel each and every time someone dies. If I don’t offer to come with you, then that’s like saying I’m letting you die. Your blood will be on my hands if I don’t come, because I could stop you but I wouldn’t be able to if you go on your own.” A sob stabs his chest. “I don’t want you to die.”
“That’s how I feel!” Nico cries, his anger ringing in the alleyway. The darkness around them pulses. “I don’t want you to die. Taking you with me is promising that I’m going to be responsible for your death! And I don’t want that! I don’t want… I don’t want to be responsible for your death. I don’t want you risking your life for me. It’s not worth it.”
“But you’re not forcing me to go with you!” Will protests, his fingers twitching. “I’m doing it on my own.” He pulls closer to Nico again, grasping for his hands, grasping for his realness. He needs Nico to understand how willing he is to follow Nico into the dark, the danger, the devastation. “My death will not be in your hands because I’m choosing to go with you. If one of us falls, then we both fall. I’m not letting you go down on your own.”
Nico’s breath hitches as another broken sob echoes around them. Pain chokes his words as he says, “If I go, it’s my choice to go on my own. That isn’t your fault. Why won’t you understand that?”
“For the same reason that you can’t understand my point,” Will says, groping for Nico’s warmth again. “Because we care about each other too much. But, Nico, please. I need to go. I can’t… I don’t… You can’t do this on your own. You don’t need to be the hero on your own all the time. Let someone else be there with you.” Will leans in once more, pressing his forehead against Nico’s. The son of Hades melts into the touch, raising his head just a little. “You’ve been alone too long. You don’t need to be anymore.”
Silence encompasses them again. They’re swirling in a tornado of emotions, lifting off from the ground, joining together in confusion.
Then Nico steps away. He wipes his face against his sleeve, trying to get rid of all the emotion that took over him just moments ago. Behind his dark eyes, Will sees the stubbornness crashing down, the walls crumbling.
But they’re not falling enough. The ruins still stand high.
Nico lets go of the blond’s hand. “We’ll see,” is all he says.
And he steps out of the alleyway, entering the universe once more, leaving Will in the darkness.
#my writing#angst#solangelo#will x nico#nico x will#nico di angelo#will solace#rick riordan#riordanverse#solangelo fanfic#solangelo fic#nico di angelo fanfic#nico di angelo fic#will solace fanfic#will solace fic#riordanverse fanfic#riordanverse fic#trials of apollo#toa#heroes of olympus#hoo#percy jackson and the olympians#tower of nero spoiler#the burning maze spoiler#ton spoiler#tbm spoiler
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the year i turned twenty i stopped waiting for someone to save my life and started eating more vegetables
in the winter of 2018 i got a root canal done on the molar in the upper left-hand corner of my mouth. it had been on the verge of death for a while now; two years prior to that a visiting government-sponsored school dentist had taken a look at it, frowned, and then spent the next two hours wheedling all the rot out of that tiny black hole with a drill. unfortunately the solution he imposed was both extremely painful and temporary, and so two years after the initial incident i found myself once again at the dentist's (this time at a clinic; school dentists don't like to deal with the extra-gritty stuff and are not paid enough to do so). they stuck a needle in my gum, numbed three-quarters of my mouth, then drilled a hole through the center of my tooth and ripped the withering shred of nerve-tissue right out of it.
my dentist helpfully explained all of the above to me during our consultation session in the same office in which he would rip the top half of my tooth off a week later. he was a balding, smiling man whose speech did not, unlike many medical professionals i had met over the years, have an edge of condescension to it. i liked him. i would have liked him more were he not planning to essentially castrated my tooth.
several weeks later i went to another dentist who specialized in helping people in post-root canal limbo, and she stuck a shiny metal crown on what was left of my molar. we then scheduled a series of check-ups to ensure that the crown had not flown off its liege while i attacked an ice cube or something similarly bad for my teeth and mental health, which stretched on for so long that she became, more or less, my primary dental care physician. at first the check-ups were a month apart. then two. time passed. her hair grew longer and our conversations less awkward; she was beautiful and snarky and looked like she would shoot god without hesitation if he stepped into range of her gun. she wore her hair short, red tinged with gold, in a pixie-cut that fell over half of one eye. for a while i thought i was in love with her.
'do you floss?' she asked me on my second check-up.
'no,' i said.
'well.' she broke off a length of dental floss and began to wind it around her fingers. it looked like a death threat and she looked ready to kill, though her eyes were smiling. 'you should.'
for the first year after having an utterly destroyed tooth brought back from the brink of death via a grisly temporary solution that would, at best, buy me one or two decades of peace, i didn't. i didn't floss because when she did it for me in her tiny examination room my gums bled so much it took hours for me to wash the bitter taste of iron out of my mouth. blood is a nice concept and a nicer motif in writing. but it smells awful, and it's worst on the tongue. so i didn't floss my teeth, and i went through life with the kind of casual detached disinterest with which i had approached most things up until then. at my next check-up she asked once again if i had been flossing and i lied that i had. after poking and prodding around in my mouth for a few minutes and taking a scan for good measure she gave me a look and said dryly, 'you haven't been flossing at all, have you.'
disappointing your parents, your favorite high school english teacher, or even your best friend is nothing compared to the sheer embarrassment that comes from knowing your beautiful dentist asked you to do the bare minimum, and you failed to deliver. her voice was arid but we had known each other for long enough by then for me to detect a thin undercurrent of disappointment. i had done it. i had lost the support of the only person in my life who could be counted on to support me. because i paid her for her services. and she was also very funny in a quiet sarcastic way. and she was beautiful.
having had my ego wounded beyond description i resolved to floss from then on and succeeded in dragging my poor aching gums past the bleeding stage to a point where they were merely post-workout sore. then i lost interest and forgot about the white, sterile-smelling clinic that was a fifteen minutes' drive from my house and the little pack of dental floss on the bathroom counter faded into obscurity. two weeks before my next appointment in 2020, an alarm on my phone went off to inform me of the approaching day of judgment. i panicked.
'have you been flossing?' my dentist asked as i lay back in the faded green chair and she put on a pair of new gloves.
'yeah,' i said.
five minutes later, she removed her army of dentistry equipment from my mouth with a satisfied hum. 'i see that you have.' her eyes were smiling. 'your teeth look fine. i'll just clean them a little for you.'
i celebrated impressing my favorite dentistry professional in singapore by forgetting to floss for the next two months. soon after that i got on a plane to america, and then two more for good measure in case i hadn't grown sick of sitting and burning in my own skin already, and then twelve weeks of insanity ensued, the details of which we are surely all acquainted with by now. late nights, walks in the forest, afternoons spent in the sun. mismatched footsteps and strange acquaintances. an elaborate circus act staffed entirely by misguided but well-meaning teenagers. a ring of fire.
two weeks ago i bought a box of dental floss for ninety-nine cents. i think this might be what the anthropologists call 'adulthood'. i was at target with a friend and we were getting toothpaste, which we had both nearly run out of, when i saw the little flat box of dental floss hanging from a hook on the wall. my teeth weren't particularly disgusting (they haven't been, not since i learned how to brush them properly), but they weren't beautiful. it had been a while since i had been on my own mind. for the last three months, others' pain had been my main priority, and now that we had eliminated most of them from the picture, i found myself with more time in the mornings to stare at myself in the mirror and wonder how, exactly, i was doing.
how are you doing? i asked. and the answer was i felt like shit.
while i've stayed in dormitories before for extended periods of time i always got out of doing laundry by either submitting my dirty clothes to an on-campus service which disappeared them into a hole in the fabric of reality and returned them to you a day later, cleaned and folded outside your room so the first time i did laundry by myself in america, a week after arriving on campus, i felt invincible. buying an iced chai from the cafe on a thursday morning and then settling down to work on my laptop until my first class started at noon, i felt like a character in a career advisory ad, like someone who knew where they were going and how they were going to get there. standing in front of the bathroom mirror of my summer dorm, winding a strand of dental floss around my fingers, i felt like i had aged fifteen years in the span of just one, and that just this once, it was for the better.
according to my adult friends, no one ever fully feels or recognizes that they are an adult. adulthood is an ideal that all grown children strive towards the way body-builders aim for more and more muscle mass until there's nothing left of them but a pair of well-toned biceps. there are several industry-approved ways to be an adult, but there are no suggested ways to feel like one. this is part of the gaping maw of inadequacy our generation has fallen into. this afternoon i melted butter in a pan and beat two eggs, milk, salt, and garlic powder together in a bowl. pouring the egg mixture into the pan i began to scrape the edges frantically towards the center with a spatula. the whole process took no longer than two or three minutes. by the end of it my hand was shaking.
according to my adult friends you just wake up one day and start looking for ways to re-organize your pantry and that's when you realize: i'm getting old, aren't i? and i'm getting old, aren't i? twenty's just the start of what a friend recently told me her parents refer to as 'the decade of pain'. but the beginning of something is included in the timeline of its accomplishments, too, and it takes more blind faith to start something than we give ourselves credit for. i have never used a saucepan up until today. in my younger years i often boiled broccoli or cauliflower in a small pot over an electric stove. but the butter, the eggs, the smell of fat sizzling on a pan- this is new to me. this entire life is new to me.
leaving the familiar warmth of your family home, it suddenly occurs to you how fragile life is. how everything your mother has done for you until now has kept you on the path forward, and now you have been given the keys to the basement you have to remember to buy laundry detergent before you run out. it all comes together like this: the humming laundry machines, the hand towels, the fridge full of fruit and cheese. it keeps you alive.
and it's awful. our generation doesn't know what self-care is because we're too busy trying to care for a world which tries, time and again, to kick us off the carousel of life and move on without its ephemeral teenage charges. we are bad at this 'living' thing because we often forget that we are alive at all. look out the window and the world's burning. look into the kitchen, and- quiet. this past year has done nothing to improve the paintings on the wall. we've all known hopelessness. we've all known what it's like to wake up and feel nothing at all.
and yet my flatmate has a new york times cooking subscription that she says we're welcome to borrow if we want to look up a recipe for something like paella, brownies, whatever. the other day she made shrimp scampi and when she knocked on my door and said 'i made food, if you'd like some' i remember thinking living with other people was worth it if you could sit around a table and twirl pasta noodles around your fork in silence. tomorrow i think i'll go to target again and see if i can find more acai. i miss it. i miss singapore's overpriced acai places and their stupid too-high chairs.
and i am living life clumsily, but who cares? a life is a life; all you have to do is live it. the rest can come later, after the dust has settled on the windowsill.
06.09.21
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Chapped Kisses: Seasonal Love
SUMMARY: You’ve been pining after your best friend, Tamaki Amajiki, for years. But as the good, loyal friend you are, you’ve kept your distance and kept your relationship with him purely platonic. But a day of ice skating can change many things, including your relationship with your best friend.
PAIRING: Tamaki Amajiki x gn!reader.
THEMES: pining, fluff, humor. [ONE-SHOT]
TW: mentions of mental health issues and light cursing.
Copyright © 2020 by Veles.
A/N: This writing piece is part of the writing event Seasonal Love! Please check out the other works HERE!
if you love tamaki amajiki, consider checking out my new series A Letter To My Love!
the words in bold (that aren’t at the beginning of a sentence) are the word prompts i was given to create this piece! slippery, sniffle, freeze.
as always, please leave a like, reblog, comment and/or follow if you enjoyed! the feedback and support is GREATLY appreciated <33
Tamaki Amajiki reminded you of winter.
On the surface, many mistook his social anxiety as a cold, harsh, and distant attitude. Others weren't very fond of him- but you didn't fit in either category.
You were a lover of winter.
Winter may be a cold and lifeless season, but has its own type of beauty. The pure white snow that graces your grass and the roof of your house always makes you smile. Watching the snow fall upon your shoulders makes you smile and the howling wind lulls you to sleep.
Despite his internal demons and insecurities, Tamaki overcame all the obstacles that stood in his way. As his childhood friend- along with Mirio, you watched Tamaki grow from a fragile and small snowflake, into a beautiful and powerful blizzard. He was beautiful, fragile at times; but resilient and determined.
And in between years of being his friend, you grew fond of his antics- whenever he got excited about something, his voice would grow louder and his posture less guarded and sometimes, he'd even wave his arms or hands. Or when he tried out something new with his quirk, you were the first one to know and he would do a demonstration for you. You'd invite Mirio over and the three of you would play around and test Tamaki's quirk. There were so many reasons you adored him, so many that you didn’t have enough hands to write them down.
Despite the love and affection you had for your best friend, you knew that being his partner wouldn't be possible. He had problems with himself and it wouldn't be fair to put another weight on his shoulders. With that mentality in mind, you never attempted to approach him romantically and instead, stayed at his side like a loyal friend.
Both of you were stubborn and oblivious to each other's feelings- and it wasn't until the day that you learned how to skate on ice that your relationship with Tamaki changed.
───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───
''I-I don't know, Tamaki,'' you stammered. Your legs trembled like a baby animal walking for the first time, gripping the short dividers in a death grip.
''Come o-on,'' Tamaki slid away and skated in a circle. His movements were firm and fluid, and you watched in awe. How could he move with such ease?
He looked like he was in his element, his shoulders were relaxed and you had rarely seen him express so much body language. The icy cold environment was his comfort zone.
''You'll enjoy it, I, I promise.'' he offered you a small smile and outstretched a trembling hand.
''But this feels awful! I-I don't know how to ice skate, and,'' unconsciously, you removed a hand and began to wave it dramatically.
''And, and- ack!'' you yelped as you were tugged forward, nearly topping on top of the blue-haired boy.
''Tamaki!'' you refused to look down at the ice and stared at Tamaki. You gripped his shoulders in a tight grip, refusing to release him. ''Oh god,'' you felt your legs tremble violently and move in opposite directions.
Tamaki's hands clutched you by your upper back and for a moment, you felt light-headed.
''Calm down,'' Tamaki spoke in a low voice. ''You can do this. You-you, um,'' he averted his gaze, but you noticed how the tip of his ears reddened.
''You can hold my hand if you want.''
You froze. Tamaki slowly raised his gaze to you. The tip of the nose was a bright red, he was cold to the touch and you could even see puffs of cold air when he spoke. When Amajiki noticed you had stiffened and remained silent- he imagined the worst. His eyes widened and he slightly backed away.
''O-or not, if you don't want to, it's-its fine-,'' He began stammering, his face reddening even more, but you quickly interrupted him.
''No!'' you nearly squeaked. Tamaki furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.
''Uhm,'' you cleared your throat. Shaking your head, you offered him a wide smile. ''I'd love to.''
Tamaki perked up. His eyebrows shot up to his forehead and his eyes widened. ''O-oh.'' was all he said and dropped one of his hands to the side, unsure of how to continue.
Tentatively, you slipped your fingers inside his palm. His fingers were cold to the touch. Once your hands were intertwined, you let out a heavy sigh of relief.
You were too nervous to meet Tamaki's gaze and despite the cold air that bit at your nose, lips, and hands- your cheeks heated up. Was he as flustered and embarrassed you?
The two of you stood in awkward silence- well, you tried to balance yourself so you wouldn't fall like an idiot, until you felt a soft squeeze on your hand.
It was light and had you been distracted, you probably wouldn't have noticed but at the moment all you could focus on was the boy standing next to you.
Smiling, you met Tamaki's gaze. He was smiling as well, though you could tell that he was making a great effort, he wasn't very fond and comfortable with physical contact.
But he was trying his best, for you.
Your knees felt wobbly at the thought and your entire face felt like it was on fire- but you were quickly interrupted by Tamaki's soft voice.
''We should get moving now. Come on, what you need to do is slightly bend your knees, don't crouch, but bend them.''
Slowly, you did as you were told and when you felt yourself regain balance, you grinned.
''G-good, that's good,'' Tamaki nodded in approval. ''Do you, um, do you still want to hold my hand?'' His face was far redder once he was done talking.
You nodded vigorously- maybe a little bit too excited, you thought with a wince- but agreed nevertheless.
''If you don't mind, I do.''
Tamaki was about to reply, when Mirio's loud and cheerful voice interrupted your moment and reminded you that you weren't alone with him.
''Tamaki! Y/N! What's taking the two of you so long? Come on, it's much nicer on this side!''
Mirio waved frantically from the other side of the ice ring and you couldn't help but laugh in amusement.
Squeezing Tamaki's hand for support, you pressed your hand on your cheek and shouted.
''We'll be right there!'' your voice was far more ragged and throaty than you'd like. ''Just give us a second!"
You heard Nejire giggle faintly. She was watching the two of you in amusement and shot you a knowing look, which you replied with a playful glare.
''Are you ready?'' Tamaki asked. You swallowed nervously and nodded.
''Let's get this over with.''
Slowly, the two of you began to skate towards your friends- Tamaki instructing you or advising you how to move every now and then.
''God, this ground is so slippery...'' you mumbled, shaking your head in disapproval. ''I fell like in any moment I'm going to fall on my ass.''
Tamaki laughed softly. You smiled when you heard his laugh and squeezed his hand.
''This is ice, Y/N,'' his smile was the brightest so far. ''It's bound to be slippery.''
You grumbled in disapproval and rambled about the 'damn ice' and 'stupid skate shoes'. Tamaki chuckled. On an occasion or two, you nearly fell and he had to grip you by your elbows for support. The chattering of other children and parents echoed in the room.
Once you arrived at the other side of the ice ring- Nejire and Mirio skated towards you and grinned.
''Finally!'' Mirio grinned. ''I thought we would have to wait another hour for your arrival.''
You rolled your eyes but smiled. ''Well, we're here now, aren't we? Nearly died a couple of times, but we're here.''
Nejire snorted. You felt Tamaki's cold hand wrapped around yours and how the girl's gaze drifted towards it before quickly looking up.
''I did see you slip, but there's nothing to worry about! After all, you have your hero Tamaki to protect you. Right, Tama?'' she cooed with a mischievous glint in her wide eyes.
Tamaki stammered next to you and you forced down a gasp.
''Ne-Nejire!'' you scolded her, though you could feel your voice quiver with embarrassment.
Mirio raised an eyebrow at this but said nothing. Instead, he skated away and grinned. ''Come on guys! Are we going to stand all day in this cold ring or actually have some fun?''
You groaned dramatically. ''Miriooo! I just got here and escaped death a few times and you want me to do...'' you waved your hands in circles. ''That?''
Mirio laughed. He spun in a circle and grinned smugly. ''Yes, Y/N.''
You sniffled. Nejire giggled and skated past the two of you and you noticed how Tamaki had gone silent. When you turned around to face him, he was already looking at you. His eyes slightly widened but Tamaki remained silent.
''Do you think you can help me?'' you lowered your gaze to the ice, brushing your thumb across his knuckles.
''Of co-course. C'mon, follow my lead,'' his voice sounded squeakier but you decided not to question him.
───
Though it took you some time to get the hang of it- you were eventually skating along with your friends, racing in silly games with Nejire. Tamaki had drifted towards Mirio and you saw that they would briefly talk about something and whenever you would look towards your crush he would smile shyly. You'd return his smile.
''The two of you seemed real close today, Y/N,'' Nejire stood next to you, grinning like a madman.
Flustered, you averted your gaze and bit the inside of your cheek.
''I don't know what you're talking about.''
Nejire giggled. ''You know exactly what I'm talking about. In fact, I think I should go ahead and tell Tamaki since it seems that neither of you will ever confess.'' And with that, Nejire sped off.
''W-wait!'' you skated after Nejire, but your skating skills were far more amateur.
You felt your heart crawl up your throat as you raced towards Nejire, who was quickly approaching the boys.
''Nejire!" you nearly growled. ''Don't you dare!''
She giggled and winked at you in response.
You were out of breath and your legs felt like jello when you finally reached your friends. Nejire was already talking to Tamaki, who was staring at her with furrowed eyebrows. ''No!'' you exclaimed. Tamaki's gaze snapped towards you and before you could react, Nejire had giggled and moved out of the way.
You were unbalanced and out of control- Tamaki didn't have time to react and before you could blink, you toppled on Tamaki.
''Ah!''
His hands lingered on your waist, your legs between his. The two of you were breathing heavily and you could faintly smell takoyaki. Tamaki's eyes were blown open, jaw slack. He was frozen on the ground. Your hands were pressed on the cold ground, feeling your heart race; ready to leap out of your ribcage.
Swallowing nervously, you smiled at Tamaki. His hands tightened around your waist.
''H-hi,'' you said nervously.
Nejire and Mirio laughed behind you and murmured. But you paid them no mind- being so close to your crush felt as if you were alone with Tamaki- just you and him.
You could sense everything; his cold hands weighing down on your waist, his long legs spread apart and his warm breath fanning your face. After awkwardly staring into Tamaki's deep blue eyes, you were ready to get up and pretend that this never happened, but his grip tightened on your waist.
You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. Gently, you pressed a hand on his shoulder.
''Tama, we have to-,'' you were sharply interrupted by him.
''I like you!'' he blurted out.
You would've staggered backward from the shock if his hands weren't holding you down. Jaw slack, you watched as your best friend's face bloomed red and you felt your own face heat up with warmth.
Tamaki licked his lips and squeezed your waist gently.
''I li-like you, Y/N, and I have for a long time. You're my best friend, the most beautiful person I've ever met and I love you,'' his mouth clamped shut at the last words as if they had escaped without his permission. His eyes widened and they watched you expectantly.
With a relieved laugh, you smiled. One of Tamaki's hands slackened and you slipped your hand inside his.
''I like you too, Tamaki.''
You lowered your head, leaning your forehead against his.
''Oh,'' he murmured, his eyes trailing over your face. ''That's go-good.''
You smiled. His eyes lowered to your lips and he licked his own.
''Ca-can I kiss you?''
Instead of replying, you cupped his head and leaned towards him.
His lips were chapped and cold against your own, but kissing your best friend was bliss; the moment your lips touched, warmth traveled down your threat and bloomed in your heart. You were quickly out of breath, and so was Tamaki. The two of you pulled away and breathed heavily, staring at each other in silence
''Woo!"' you heard Mirio shout behind you. ''Finally, I've been waiting centuries for this!''
Nejire let out a shriek of happiness. You laughed softly and Tamaki joined you.
''Come on, we should get up.'' Tamaki nodded in response. You slowly rose and once you balanced yourself, helped Tamaki hoist himself up.
The two of you approached Mirio and Nejire, who engulfed the two of you in a bear hug. You laughed against Mirio's chest and glanced at Tamaki. He smiled back.
Moments like these, hugging your friends and kissing your best friend on the same day, were moments that you would never forget. They would spread warmth in your heart for as long as you lived.
#tamaki amajiki#tamaki amajiki x reader#tamaki amajiki x you#mha tamaki#my hero academy fanfiction#my writing#my hero fanfic#fanfiction#reader insert#gn!reader#tamaki x y/n#tamaki x gn!reader#gender neutral reader#Seasonal Love#fanfic#bnha fluff#my hero academia
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4/23/2022 DAB Chronological Transcription
1 Chronicles 1-2
Welcome to Daily Audio Bible Chronological. Today's the 23rd day of April. I'm Jill. And every time I feel like we just get going, the week comes to a close. We are winding down this week of my time being here with you today, winding down and starting another brand new book as we would have it again, such as life. As some things come to an end, something new begins today. We're starting the book of First Chronicles. We're reading chapters one and two. And this is the last day in the New Living translation. I just have a thought. And before we begin today reading, isn't it good to know that you're enough already? Not by what you've done, nothing that you have produced, but just simply because of who you are, because of Jesus, because God created the world and looked back at creation and called it good. And you and I, we are a part of that creation made in the image of God, of what God made us in his likeness and stepped back called good. Just needed to start there today. First Chronicles, chapter one.
Prayer:
Father, we thank you for another week as we bring this week to a close. And we anticipate all that you have for us at the start of something brand new. As we turn the page in the story of our lives and the story of your word and the story of creation and what is to come. And the more that you have for us that's awaiting. And we look with awe and wonder as it all unfolds before our eyes and as we get to be a part of our own story, with every thought we think, with every word that we say, every action indeed, that we partake in. Let us be mindful. Let us be accountable, and let us be repentant in changing what we need to make right. And we can do this with you. We can do this through you and we can do this because of you. And we're so grateful. We pray now in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Announcements:
You all have the best week. I will see you the week after next. I place you in the very capable, yet fragile hands of my daughter, China. I love you all. Until then, love one another.
Community Prayer Line:
Hi, this is Whitney again. I'm calling in to try to encourage Cody. I heard his prayer request and I'm praying for your mom to be healed completely from this cancer and your health issues that your dad has. But also I wanted to tell you that for the past ten years that I have been taking care of my mom and dad. My mom passed away in 2015 and my dad passed away September 21, both for different circumstances. My mom passed away quickly and my dad passed away from dementia. I know how hard that is on a child, especially when it's an only child. But I do want to tell you this, that there were so many people that thought it was easy to take care of parents or it was easy to take care of an ailing loved one. But the one thing that gave me comfort is the few people that told me you gave your parents honor. So I want to tell you, you are honoring your parents by taking care of them. And you will be tremendously blessed and that peace you will find because where they took care of you in your life, now you are taking care of them. And that is what God's called all of us to do. I love you, my brother. I hope this helps.
Hello, this is Lady Bray from Arkansas. I'm calling because of Cody from Utah. I heard your prayer request. I'm sorry about your mom, but it sounds like she is leaving you a legacy of faith and strength. If the Lord chooses to take her home with him, just know that she has walked the walk and he is with her as he is with you. Father asked that you would comfort Cody, that you would send your Holy Spirit to bring him peace, to give him rest. Lord God, I know he's carrying a heavy load, taking care of his father and his mother. Lord, it's hard. It's been hard on him, being basically secluded for two years, taking care of them, feeling alone. Lord God, comfort him and let him know that his spirit know that he is not alone and that you are with him, that you will walk with him, that he will see the footprints in the sand, and he will know that those are yours and not his. That you have carried him through this. Lord God, Cody, God gave me Joshua 1:9 many years ago, and I pass it on to you. Be strong and courageous, for he will be with you wherever you go. Thank you, Lord, for that promise. We thank you in the name of Jesus. Amen.
Hi, DABC. It's Renee. I just wanted to come on and pray for Cody. I want to lift him up right now because he just touched my heart. He's been taking care of his mom, who has cancer for a long time. And he said it's getting worse. I know the feeling. I didn't take care of my mother that way. We all took turns. There was four of us girls. But with you being a male and having to take care of your mom at home, it sounds like you don't have a lot of help and you don't get out much. And you said believers or friends around. I know how that feels because I don't drive. And so therefore, it's hard for me to get around and get out and about. So I just feel for you, Lord, will you please help Cody? Will you strengthen him and give him love and peace all day long and help him with his mom. I pray that you will be done with his mom, but let her get out of pain and I pray that other people will come around him where he can find people. You will send people into his life, Lord, that could help him and have a break to get away, to be able to have a little peace and have some more time for himself. Lord, you know, all the times that we were born and the times that we were to die and we're not saying that we would want his mom to go anywhere by any means because he would miss her just as much. But you know, Lord, all the times that we were born and the time that we die, I ask that you help Cody during this time and give him new strength, new love, new hope for his mom and for himself in Jesus. Amen.
This is Rodney from Atlanta. I just want to pray for the young man who called in. I believe his mother has cancer and the doctor has given him six months to live. He said that he was helping take care of her and I believe maybe his father well, he kind of felt like he had no friends because he's been kind of helping with them. But I pray for you my brother, that God will send people your way that will help encourage you and lift you up. I wish I could be a friend to you, but just do it this way. But let me pray, father, I pray for this young man right now, God, that you would give him strength to endure what he has to do with him taking care of his parents. God, you know the situation guy you want to honor him because you said we are blessed if we honor our parents. So God, I thank for right now he takes care of his mom and God, you will touch your body, bring the healing only you can bring. God, this is not a problem you cannot solve. God we pray your will be done. Strengthen my brother God, in the name of Jesus. Give him strength, give him courage. Let someone come his way. Let someone find him God, someone that would minister unto him and be kind to him. God pour, strength into him. God, I thank you right now that your will be done for my brother, in the name of the Lord Jesus. God, you yourself can strengthen him. But Lord, send somebody his way with love, with skin on it that he can be touched and held, God. And I thank you and I praise you right now that it's done in the mighty name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.
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8, 19, 29 & 31 😉, 49 🥰🥰🥰
#8 - Laying a gentle kiss to the back of the other’s hand AND #31 - Pulling away from a kiss, whispering words of love against each other’s lips.
*these are from the kissing prompt list that @cpd5021 and @fromiftowhen reblogged*
Thanks @thetwit for prompting me to do this in the chat!! This may possibly be the shortest and quickest thing I’ve ever written lol but I hope you enjoy it just the same as the long, drawn out fics!
may you always know you have my hand to hold
“Burgess says her CI says this guy’s connected to the South Side Hustlers so hopefully he has some info for us,” Hailey sighed, flipping through the folder she had in her hands.
Jay rolled to a stop at a red light, leaning forward slightly to look around before making a right hand turn, “What’s his rap sheet like?”
She lifted a few sheets, skimming the report, “Popped a few times for possession, a couple of DUIs and on probation from accessory to attempted murder. So, enough to scare him into talking.”
Hailey set the information on her lap, rubbing her eyes briefly before letting her head rest against her headrest, staring out the window as they started to pass into one of the rougher parts of Chicago.
They were in the middle of one of those cases that just seemed to never end.
All of Intelligence was on their last legs with this one, tired of running into dead ends and exhausted from pulling all-nighters to try and get ahead of anything resembling a lead.
And the case before this one had been just as involved and so had the case before that and the case before that.
Honestly, Intelligence had been busier than ever and it was starting to take it’s toll on all of them.
Hailey didn’t think she’d had a full night’s sleep in over two months.
She aimlessly took in the run-down houses as Jay drove deeper into gang territory, her mind a million miles away when she felt Jay take her hand from where it was resting on the console.
Furrowing her eyebrows, she turned her head just in time to feel and see his lips pressed to the back of her hand, his eyes still trained on the road in front of him.
Hailey gave him a strange smile, surprised, “Jay?”
He squeezed her hand comfortingly, lowering it from where he’d had it pressed against his lips but he didn’t let go, instead he intertwined his fingers with hers and kept their clasped hands in his lap.
The warmth and love she’d felt from his intimately familiar soft lips still tingled on her skin and the feeling of being cocooned in his safety and love washed over her like it had thousands of times before.
No matter how often she felt how deeply he loved her, she would never tire of it; her heart beating erratically in her chest and her breath caught in her lungs like he’d just kissed her for the first time.
“What was that for?” Her smile softened, her eyes shining with the love she had for him.
Jay pulled over in front of the address she’d given him, parking the truck and turning in his seat to look at her, their hands still clasped tightly. His eyes bore into hers, affectionate love and comfort reflecting back, “I know how hard we’ve been working these past few months and that we’ve barely had any time alone together where we weren’t working or sleeping.”
His eyes looked a little sad at that and he squeezed her hand again, apologetic.
And it was true. They hadn’t spent any time together as a couple for months.
She wouldn’t lie and say that she didn’t long for a conversation with him that didn’t include the latest lead they’d had or a lazy morning wrapped in his arms.
She needed him, physically and emotionally and she’d been deprived of that far longer than she ever wanted.
Her heart and body missed him.
She missed him. A lot.
Hailey felt tears prick her eyes and she swallowed hard, determined not to cry just because she missed her husband. At least she had her husband by her side and they weren’t separated by distance but god, it felt like there was a gaping emotional chasm between them.
Like ships passing in the night, only to get a few minuets of ‘alone time’ that consisted of stake-outs or commutes around the city like this one.
“This isn’t how it should be,” His voice pulled her out of her thoughts and the disappointment and longing she heard in it told her that he felt the same way, “I know we haven’t spent any real time time together as husband and wife since our honeymoon and for that I am so sorry, Hailey.”
His green eyes were shiny and she suddenly didn’t feel ashamed for the tears that were in her own eyes.
Sniffing, she wanted to tell him that it wasn’t his fault; that she knew it was out of his control but she couldn’t get passed the lump that was stuck in her throat.
Jay rubbed his thumb over the simple wedding band she wore when working, “We jumped right into work as soon as we got home. We should be passionately making love and grossing everyone out with our love-sick gazes and newlywedded bliss.”
Hailey gave a watery chuckle at that and Jay offered up an amused smile, his lips ticking up slightly before sobering, “Instead, we’re falling into bed, asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow and there is literally no time to share love-sick gazes.”
Jay’s gaze burned into hers, his throat working, “I haven’t made love to my wife since our honeymoon or had a real conversation about what’s on her mind and I very much want to so I’m promising you, after we wrap this case, we’re going to the cabin for a few days. Just me, you and some food. No work, no phones.”
His word sounded like music to her ears but was cautious about getting her hopes up because they had barely gotten away for their 10-day honeymoon. She didn’t know how Jay would manage getting them both away again so soon with the workload they’ve been receiving--hence the need to get away.
She bit her lip, “You think Voight will let us?”
Jay scoffed, “I don’t care if he’ll let us or not. We need this for our health and our marriage. I care about that way more than I care about Voight’s possible anger so we’re going no matter what he says.”
Hailey stared at him for a long minuet before breaking out into a beaming grin, her heart soaring, “I can’t wait.”
He leaned across the console, this time pressing a firm kiss to her lips. She let herself get lost in his touch, caressing her reverently with his hands and mouth. Jay pulled back just slightly, breathing against her lips, her hand finding it’s way back into his after their brief make-out session.
His other hand was holding one side of her face, fingers carded through her hair as they rested their foreheads against each other. Jay licked his lips and she felt his tongue against hers, “I love you so much, Hailey Anne Halstead. You are my everything and I can’t believe I have been entrusted to love and care for you my entire life so I’ll be damned if I don’t do the absolute best I possibly can. You are what’s most important.”
Hailey was trying not to a.) jump him right then or there or b.) burst into tears because she was so emotionally fragile not to mention exhausted so she forced herself to settle for taking a deep breath of him and murmuring back, “I love you too, Jay Halstead and you are what’s most important to me.”
Smiling, Jay captured her lips one last time before letting go of her hand and leaning back to open his door. He jerked his towards the house they were in front of, “Let’s go.”
And she gave him a nod and followed him just like she always would.
prompts 19, 29 and 49 possibly coming soon!
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no need for proclamation | a beauyasha fic
a what-if look at what would have happened if Beau and Yasha began dating during the harp scene in episode 98
alternate title: 5 times the Mighty Nein didn't know Beau and Yasha were dating, and one time it was literally spelled out for them
find it on ao3 or read below
They have a conversation, out there on the beach.
Yasha with her harp, and Beau, muscles unfurled, feeling at peace for the first time in a while.
The ocean brings clarity for them. They who were not raised by the sea find their anxieties pulled out and caught in a riptide, their bodies returned to them smoothed and polished like a piece of glass swept out into the waves. In the dry plains of Kamordah, Beau had never seen the ocean. Its vast blue stares back at her, forcing her to appreciate how big it is, how she is miniscule in comparison. Beau: big and brash, loud and bold, a born leader, finds herself taking peace in the vastness. In the grand scheme of things, the ocean remains the same. She means nothing to the waves. There is peace in this. If nothing matters, she can do what she wants.
Similarly, Yasha grows up in the Moorlands, surrounded by hills and grasses, but the rocks don’t best the constance of the waves, crashing and settling on the shore. For her, someone who struggles so much with desire, with understanding that her mind is her own, the waves show an unstoppable force. A small child can try to stop the waves from their end, but they always come to the shore anyway. Her path may deviate, like the waves occasionally fade, but she comes back to the same place. Her harp, calming. The waves, swelling and settling. Her mind is her own, she takes fate by the hand.
In front of the ocean, two women come to similar conclusions, and they have a conversation.
They leave the beach holding hands, a new relationship formed.
-------------------------------------------------
The Nein catch on far slower than they realistically should. Yasha and Beau aren’t hiding it, per say. They’re just not making a grand announcement.
That’s how the Nein does things. You keep a secret until someone weasels it out of you, and then it’s known. There’s no need for a proclamation.
Or so Beau and Yasha thought. After the past three weeks, full of longing glances and not hiding the way they act around each other, they’re beginning to doubt the obviousness of their actions.
------------------------------------------------
They tried to hint to Jester, that day on the boat making statues for the Traveler, through subtle flirting and glances, but she never noticed.
“You have really good legs, Yasha”, Jester remarked.
Beau catches Yasha’s eye as she says it, gives her a little up and down look. Calculating, as if she wants to know each and every inch of Yasha’s legs.
Heat flashes up Yasha’s face.
“Yeah, the slit was very, uh, high. Helped with moving around.”
Another knowing glance from Beau to Yasha. When Beau thinks of that night, she thinks of two things. Firstly, the Ruby’s singing and the hypnotic way the fish moved around her. Secondly, she thinks of the way Yasha looked in that dress, shades of grey, black and white illuminating her eyes and her lips.
As the conversation gets more intense, Beau can’t help her hand from drifting behind Yasha, using it partly to steady herself on the slow rocking of the boat and partly to just get closer.
Yasha makes a similar move, placing her hand on Beau’s lower thigh, as she once again apologizes for running Beau through with Skingorger.
“It just adds to my aesthetic. Makes me look more interesting.” Beau is so focused on the hand, slowly and comfortingly rubbing her thigh that she almost misses Yasha’s flustered compliment towards.
“You’re already very interesting….You’re both very interesting.”
It’s Beau’s turn to flush. Don’t think she hasn’t noticed Yasha’s propensity to hide a compliment to her within a compliment to everyone. It’s cute.
It’s fun to be in those stages of a relationship, learning those new things about each other.
Jester’s probably too busy thinking of Travelercon, they can keep it lowkey for a little longer.
----------------------------------------
It turns out though, that neither of them is *great* at keeping things low key.
If you ask Beau, it’s Yasha’s fault. Yasha’s too beautiful and talented, and she keeps showing it off. That harp haunts a few of Beau’s dreams.
(Harps require some deft finger skills, if you catch the drift.)
Yasha gets up to perform for the village of Vo, and she’s surrounded by all these people. Beau watches the way her hands shake, how she searches the crowd for a familiar face, and yells out “Freebird!” so that Yasha can find her.
For Yasha, Beau’s a grounding face in the crowd of people. Someone who doesn’t care how she does, who just is there to support her. All of the Nein is, but this song is for Beau.
Caleb lights Yasha up with silent bolts of lightning, mesmerizing the entire village of Vo, illuminating Yasha with her own personal spotlight.
It’s funny, you know. Prior to meeting Yasha, Beau had always hated storms. In the winery, grapes that got too much rain produced thin and watery wine, and when there was a thunderstorm, the workers couldn’t harvest the grapes. It meant her dad was always angry when there was a storm. Loss of profit, and all that.
Once she met Yasha though, a storm signified Yasha for her. Thunder became part of the comforting rumble of sleeping with the Nein, and lightning illuminated how different her life looked from five years ago.
Even when Yasha was gone, Beau hoped every night to hear a storm. Maybe it meant Yasha was returning to them.
So it’s not her fault she’s put in a stupor by Yasha’s performance. That’s her girl.
It unlocks a deluge of feelings in her chest. Beau’s shell-shocked, as the Nein discusses the performance absent of Yasha.
She can’t help but allow herself to chime in.
“That was amazing.”
She makes sure to tell Yasha how amazing it is later that night, in hushed tones wrapped up together.
----------------------------------------------
After that, they begin to find their stride in how they act around their friends.
In battle, Yasha has a free pass to be as protective as she wants. Beau’s more fragile than she, and is somehow easily swallowed? Yasha’s confused on how the beasts they keep fighting manage to find Beau in their mouths more than anyone else.
Either way, Beau usually ends up taking more damage than anyone else notices.
Nothing against Jester or Cad as healers, but they tend to focus on the group’s overall health levels, and Beau likes to play off her injuries.
Vulnerability isn’t easy for Beau, so Yasha keeps a watchful eye.
She’s already lost one partner, she doesn’t need to lose another.
They’re traipsing through the forest, and Yasha looks away for one moment, and suddenly Beau is on the ground unconscious.
Nosy Expositor can’t keep her hands to herself, Yasha supposes.
She gets Beau back up, taking lightning damage and healing her.
For Yasha, her healing hands are a way of showing Beau her affection. They symbolize forgiveness, and they symbolize hope. It’s just a way of showing how she cares. Yasha’s not great with words, she speaks through her actions, and she hopes Beau understands.
That being said, as if she’s gonna let her girlfriend get healed by just Fjord.
“It’s not a competition, okay!”
“It’s a competition.”
Fjord’s got nothing on her. She’s there for Beau.
This is re-enforced, of course, when Beau asks Yasha to carry her following the fight. There was a time, when Yasha was just regaining her mind, where Beau asked Caleb to carry her following the fight with Obann instead of Yasha, and while Yasha would never admit it to Beau, it hurt a little.
Carrying Beau is Yasha’s thing. They’ve had this joke running through the time they’ve spent together, and Yasha isn’t a fan of other people trying to butt in on that.
Perhaps she’s a bit protective, a bit jealous of Beau. How is she to not be, though, when she was gone for so long and Beau got so much closer with everyone else. For Yasha, post-Obann was a new fear. The Nein had pursued her for so long, but they also made new friends, and what if the Nein had liked them more than they liked Yasha? It’s hard to feel like part of a group when you’re never there. Plus, she was helping someone raise a terrible god, and killing Beau’s co-workers, and while none of it was in her control, she did it.
The fact that the Nein forgave her? That Beau forgave her and still wants to be with her?
Yasha’s still not sure how she got so lucky.
This thought is reinforced with Beau in her arms as they walk through the forest to face a false god. Yasha loves to be able to help. Jester and Cad might be the healers, but Yasha loves the feeling of Beau’s small, lithe body in her arms.
She just wants to hold Beau forever, shelter her from any oncoming attacks.
It’s with this thought that she misses Beau giving Jester a thumbs up as they venture further into the forest.
Who needs subtlety?
----------------------------------------------
When Yasha catches Beau in the air with her new wings, part of her is sure it’s gonna tip off the rest of the group.
It’s so romantic. It was probably a beautiful visual.
Unfortunately, it seems like the rest of the Nein is either being incredibly dense or incredibly respectful, and Yasha’s too held up in her brand new wings to decide which they are.
She flies up and over the mountain with Beau swooning in her arms, and it’s perfect. The sun casts a beautiful golden haze over the island, and Beau’s skin shines in the sunlight.
Yasha might have the wings, but Beau is her angel.
Then the wings disappear and they plummet into a shallow pond.
Yasha’s not thrilled the wings last for such little time, but at least she gets to see Beau soaking wet from the pond, giggly and delighted at the flight.
In that moment, Yasha is overwhelmed with love. It’s too early to say, but she’s been in love before. She knows what that rush feels like, that off balance feeling of “oh shit I’m in deep”.
A small secret, then. Something to unpack on her own time. There’s no need to speed it up, to burden Beau with this until she’s ready.
This love, it can be just hers to have for a bit. She’s allowed to want that.
Beau brings her back to herself, pulling her out of the pond and her own thoughts in one fell swoop.
Holding hands and giggling, they make their way to the edge of the cliffside, overlooking the mountain awash in sunlight. Looking out, Yasha is overcome and she leans over to give Beau a quick peck on the lips.
“I’m happy to have you here with me.”
“Oh? That true, sap?”
Yasha laughs, nodding her head and breaking eye contact, and leads Beau to the edge to point the way down back to their friends.
“We should probably head back, they’re gonna think we’re dead.”
They take a little extra time on the way down though since the Nein hasn’t noticed their other hints. It’s put to good use.
----------------------------------------------------------------
The day they visit Molly’s grave is when they give up any attempt to be subtle at all. Throughout Rumblecusp and the days after, their relationship has switched from being a complete secret to being something that they could easily explain if asked, but no one has outright asked them if they’re dating, so it just hasn’t happened.
Either the Mighty Nein is very dense or very respectful. Yasha’s sensing it might be half and half, because Caduceus had a very meaningful conversation with her about wanting things and patience, but Jester and Veth keep giving Beau looks when they think she should make a move.
Yasha and Beau talk about it at night. It’s funny to them that everyone keeps dancing around the topic. Neither of them is sure about where they got the idea that they can’t just ask, but it’s fun to just have this to themselves.
Until they go to visit Molly’s...no..Lucien’s? grave.
Yasha has a lot of feelings around Molly and his grave, and she’s not exactly thrilled by Caleb’s suggestion that they dig him up to get some answers to questions they don’t even know yet. Feels almost rude, to take a friend out of the ground to inquire about his personal life.
She mentions it to Beau, in a hushed whisper, and Beau attempts to stop Caleb’s focused energy by hinting heavily at it, but his focus is so intense that he brushes her, and Jester, who picks up on both Beau and Yasha’s discomfort, off.
He gets like that sometimes.
They teleport there, and Yasha is struck by how normal it looks. His coat is still there, though it’s blown off the stake they put in to mark his grave, and for a moment, she lets herself hope that he’s still there.
Beau’s hand finds its way into hers as they watch Veth and Cad dig up the grave, a thread of reality keeping Yasha tethered there, eyes locked onto the now empty grave.
She removes her hand from Beau’s, and instead moves it to the small of Beau’s back, pulling Beau closer to her for comfort. Beau’s body is tiny, but it’s something to grasp as they both figure out what this means for their future.
At one of the lowest moments since she regained her mind, Beau is there with her.
She squeezes Beau’s hand once. Beau squeezes back. They’re ready to tell everyone now.
----------------------------------
They tell everyone in Caleb’s fancy tower, after Yasha decides to throw caution to the wind and make a joke about Beau’s fancy sex mirror above her bed.
Jester and Veth are overjoyed, Fjord and Caleb both want to make sure they’re taking care of each other and won’t mess up the group, and Caduceus just nods happily, though they’re sure he knew all along.
As they sit around the fire, Yasha and Beau link pinkies and bask in the laughter and joy of their family.
Things will be okay.
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