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#unsolicited advice
lyraeon · 11 months
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If someone falls overboard on a cruise ship, and there is a life preserver on the wall next to you, you throw them the life preserver.
Yes, it would be great if the ship had better railings so no one fell overboard to begin with. Yes, it would be awesome if everyone knew how to swim well enough to save themselves even in such a wild event as falling off a ship, but that's not a standard thing that's taught most places right now.
Yes, it probably is a good idea to know how to swim before you go on a ship, but even if you know how to swim, the act of falling into the water can startle anyone into panicking, so you don't really have time to ask them if they can swim or not before they need the life preserver. Yes, being careful around the railings is a good idea, but you have no way to know right now whether they were doing it for the Vine or someone just tried to murder them, and either way do you actually think they deserve to die for not being 100% careful 24/7?
No, you should not be expected to jump in and try to rescue them yourself when you aren't trained and don't know them, but that's not what anyone's asking you to do. They just want you to grab the life preserver off the wall and throw it towards them, or even to just hand it to someone who can aim well if you're worried about being held responsible if you miss, or hell, you can just get out of the way so someone else can grab it off the wall.
Don't deprive someone of help right now just because in your ideal world, they wouldn't need it. People asking for accommodations within the current system aren't trying to uphold it, they are trying to survive and improve their lives, so don't deny them those because in the system you want to have in place they wouldn't need that accommodation.
Don't deprive someone of help right now just because you're morally inclined to believe they "deserved it". You don't know anyone else's situation, you can never have full context, and quite often, the time and effort it takes to pass judgement on someone's worthiness is more burden on everyone than just giving them the help. And even if you earnestly feel you don't want to help them, why would you stop someone else from doing it? After all, even if your excuse is "to keep them from helping someone who doesn't deserve it", you felt the first person got what they deserved, so why would you think the person trying to help them doesn't deserve any results too?
Put down your swim class brochure and either grab the life preserver or get out of the way so someone else can.
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tozettastone · 4 months
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Reading through people's feelings about plagiarism has suggested to me that, quite aside from a lot of fear and confusion on the topic of what plagiarism actually is, a surprising number of people simply do not understand how to write an undergrad essay.
When you're writing an essay for university, you are not meant to be mired in a scary bog where you're too intimidated to offer an opinion but still trying to support it with other people's ideas.
You are meant to come up with a single-sentence reply to the essay topic (call that your contention or thesis statement) and then use original arguments and carefully selected evidence from other sources to elaborate upon that single point. You are meant to make other people believe the point you made up could be true. Your job is to draw a bright clear line through all your evidence and analysis to the inevitable conclusion that your contention is right.
Finishing a basic university essay should feel like you have found the hill someone else¹ is going to die on today.
¹ Not you, though. You're going to win the argument, after all.
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Do you ever just receive unsolicited opinion and you're not necessarily mad but you're also unsure how it relates or how it can be avtionable other than floating knowledge but the other person says it in such a way that it indicates significance and you hold the advice in front of you like a baby you didn't ask to hold
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coinandcandle · 7 months
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Fyi there is almost never gunna be a blanket statement that holds true for every situation.
There is always nuance, there are always exceptions.
Be flexible, be understanding, and be willing to hear others out. If you're too set in your own ways and you're mad all the time then you're gunna have a real hard time finding joy in your life.
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dndmomquotes · 14 days
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Unsolicited Mom/Grandma advice
Young tumbles. I swear to f’n God any partner worth having doesn't give a sh1t about your thigh gap. Please for the love of all that is true appreciate your beautiful self. You will look back on pictures of yourself and wonder why you thought you looked bad. I swear that will happen. Love how gorgeous and wonderful and beautiful and amazing you are now. In this moment. Please embrace the wonder that is you. Today. Know you are amazing and enjoy your youth. I am so lucky I did and it breaks my heart how young people keep setting goals to attain something in order to feel good. You are you're best self. Today!
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whatbigotspost · 11 months
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It can be helpful to understand some things we think are normal are not normal, particularly when we’re unpacking toxic stuff from childhood.
But something being “normal” doesn’t make it inherently good. Lots of normalized parts of life are fucked up.
Just don’t confuse “common” with moral or acceptable.
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notetaeker · 1 year
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October 29, 2022 - Saturday | Fall challenges 19/30 + 15/30
I wrote + compiled final exams today for 2 of my classes and it took me way too long… I feel like most of my time was spent formatting the exam rather than on the actual content lmao. Later I went for a brief walk and found some flowers that someone was still growing despite the fact we’re going into November soon (!!)
What can you de-clutter physically or emotionally to find more ease and simplicity honestly i need to get rid of all the cardboard boxes and packing material I have ‘in case I need it later’ personally it’s difficult for me to throw out things that even have a little bit of use. Emotionally I'm also a hoarder lol but honestly these days I’m less cluttered emotionally that I was in the past. Appreciating people when they make me happy and letting people know when they make me sad has given me such a lightness. The simple question of 'how will they know if I don't tell them?' and voila~ no more baggage. Even if they don't listen to what I say, at least I know that I did what I could.
How was your day today was a mixed bag lol there was everything: productivity, wasting time, going on a walk 👍 then not feeling well and coming back early 👎 then thankfully I was blessed with sleep so I couldn’t spend too much time thinking abt it and feeling sad 😌✨when I woke up I did some reading and writing so all in all 7/10 day actually
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crazycatsiren · 6 months
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You know what fries my pancakes? Self proclaimed "health experts" on Instagram who didn't even go to medical school getting on my posts about flare-ups and giving me a lecture on ME/CFS being "just a set of symptoms", and claiming that once I find the "root cause" of those and "re-balance" them (whatever that even means), my chronic fatigue will disappear and I will be all well again (seriously, wtf).
As if that's how any of this works. If it were that easy, lol, not only would I have stopped being disabled and chronically ill 2 and a half years ago, I'd be rich by now, with the great knowledge of a magical miracle relief from ME/CFS for millions of people worldwide.
Scientific fact: the root cause of ME/CFS is ME/CFS. ME/CFS is a neuroimmunological disorder that currently has no cure and no one set of effective and approved treatments. On the optimistic side, approximately 6% of patients recover from it, and that's not even necessarily a 100% complete recovery. Medical professionals still can't do much for us as of 2023. If anything actually worked to alleviate our suffering, we would've all done it ages ago. There's nothing anyone can offer that we haven't thought of and tried already, fucks' sakes, Christ's fucks.
To act like you know more about our bodies and our illnesses than we do, toward those of us whose lives you have absolutely no idea about, whose daily struggles with a debilitating disease you can't even see, to have never walked a minute in our shoes, is incredibly invalidating and not to mention ableist.
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married-to-a-redhead · 8 months
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My experiences on making friends with the many lovely ladies here on Tumblr
Over the years, I have been very fortunate to make good friends with some wonderful ladies here on Tumblr. It’s been very rewarding for me to have these great friends. And almost universally, my female friends tell me they receive unwanted contact from other Tumblrs virtually daily.
You may ask yourself, how did Married-to-a-Redhead make friends with those lovely ladies? A great question! Here are a few of my (unsolicited) tips on how to make friends with the many beautiful ladies on Tumblr. If you think I am just being an arrogant jerk, go ahead and stop reading now. I get it, trust me.
First and foremost, READ THEIR PROFILE. I can’t emphasize this enough. With most Tumblrs, they will inform you whether they are open to chat. If they say they are not open to chat, DON’T CONTACT THEM. At best you will be ignored, at worst you will be publicly ridiculed and blocked. If you want to try and make friends with them when they say they are not open to chat, interact with their blog by reblogging and commenting. If they want to talk to you, they will reach out. Believe it or not, 99% of the friends I have made on Tumblr contacted me first via chat. If they are open to chat, great! Go for it. Be a gentleman and don’t open with a crude or arrogant comment. Don’t just say hello, that’s probably going to be ignored.
Also, try to have an interesting blog with a good theme other than “I love the female form” that’s an overused boring theme. Try and be more creative than that. An interesting blog gets attention. I have been told many times that my bio is what gets people’s attention and got them to follow me before they contacted me.
Make occasional witty comments on their posts, be friendly, and be a gentleman. Don’t like and comment on every post they make, that comes across as weird and desperate. I mentioned this before and I’ll say it again, don’t be crude.
Finally, give them the respect they deserve, be nice, treat them as the human beings they are, and you may be rewarded with a great friendship. I know I have been over the years.
That said, there are no guarantees that any of this will work. If another approach has worked better for you, that’s great. I am only sharing my personal experience and I am certainly no expert on the strange ways of Tumblr. I fully admit I am a bit of an odd duck here on Tumblr.
Good luck. Be the gentleman I know you all can be.
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spacedocmom · 9 months
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Doctor Beverly Crusher @SpaceDocMom "Have you tried..." are three of the most frustrating words for anyone with a disability/chronic illness to hear. The answer is almost always "yes" and it's exhausting to have to constantly defend against ensuing quizzes. Information should come with consent and respect. emojis: black heart, blue heart, masked 2:31 PM · Jun 28, 2023
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santacoppelia · 5 months
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Probably I wouldn't be reporting so many porn-bots if they weren't messing with all the tags I like.
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lyraeon · 9 months
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A while back I learned something important from my therapist, and since I was trying to recount it anyway to share with a friend, I thought I would bring it to y'all as well.
We have all had at least one of those days where we've stayed up way too late doing something fun but we just don't want to stop doing it. Logically I figured that's just because "well yeah I don't want to stop, I have to go to sleep then to work and those suck compared to it."
Except then that starts happening often and you feel bad about always staying up every night, but then you feel worse and get more stressed because you know you're doing something you're "not supposed to", but because you're more stressed you want more fun time... endless cycle.
But as I was talking about it all and told her I thought I was self-sacrificing, the therapist had a very useful question for me:
"How do you normally know it's time to stop having fun? Like you know it's time to finish work because your shift's over, you know it's time to stop doing the dishes when they're all done or the washer's full, what is your signal to stop having fun?"
And I had to search for a while to answer.
"When the activity is done" - okay sure, but many games and books and series, or doing your own creative thing, "done" may take days upon days or even be non-existent.
"When I had to pass the controller" - obvious and easy one! If you knew you had a finite turn then the defined end is readily there, and you're also prepared for it! But requires pre-arranging the limits.
"When I got in trouble for it" - ding ding ding, we found the big problem.
When you grow up with "fun" being a forbidden activity you're only allowed to do after everything else is done to 100% perfection, then you learn to sneak it in where you can fit it. And you need that shit, seriously - you cannot get through life without some source of enjoyment, some tiny glimmer of joy among the tedium.
Many of us learned to read under the covers, or to play our gameboy in the bathroom and hide it under the sink, or that we could get away with running around the backyard for another 20 minutes if we just learned which intonation of "come inside" was the actual trouble line, or whatever other ways to cram in as much joy as we could before the hammer came down, for whatever severity that meant in your house.
And so that feeling of "I shouldn't be doing this, I'm going to get caught, but if I'm going to get in trouble anyway I might as well get as much out of this as I can" becomes part of what you expect to feel when you're having fun. And you only know how to stop having fun when you feel that way when you get in trouble for it - and in absence of anyone else controlling your behavior, that means the bad guy becomes either whatever task pops up to remind you responsibilities exist, or your significant other pointing out it's really late and they wish you'd come to bed, or your boss yelling at you for being tired all the time... or it becomes you.
If you don't learn that fun isn't a forbidden activity, if you stay stuck in the mindset that it's something you have to cram in in secret and hide that you're even doing? It becomes so so easy to hate the voice of reason in your head that's trying to encourage moderation and we're going to regret this tomorrow.
And that escalates. You keep being too tired the next day. You keep feeling even worse when you sit down to enjoy yourself the next night because now you're already tired, so stress gets to you faster, and now you feel guilty about how late you're staying up so you're not really enjoying playing your game or scrolling Tumblr or whatever anymore, you're just nervously glancing at the clock, "have I spent too long yet? How much longer can I do this before I get in trouble?"
Even though now you're in your 20s or 30s and it's been a decade since the last time anyone else told you it was bed time.
Learning that you're allowed to have fun isn't easy; guilt and shame are emotions that run very, very deep. And neither is learning to have a healthier relationship with saying "okay, that's enough for today".
For one, you have to stop threatening yourself. "Tomorrow is gonna suck" and "You're going to regret this" and "we're going to get in trouble at work" don't work. You already feel bad, you already know it's gonna suck, so why wouldn't you try to cram in one more hour now while it's not the day that's going to suck yet? Punishment is not incentive.
Because by now you're in a situation where sleep is a horrifying punishment that ends any fun, but you're not enjoying your fun anyway because you're tired all the time on top of feeling ashamed for doing something fun, and you're spending the entire time beating yourself up for being an idiot with no self control who can't even handle going to bed on time like a normal human being...
etc etc etc.
You will hear a lot of people give advice on how to get rid of the idea of having to "earn" sleep or fun or happiness by doing "enough" other things. To learn to accept that just being alive is enough reason to "deserve" to do those things. That will work for some people, but for others it just ends up one more thing to scold yourself about, especially when you're already in the habit not of denying yourself entirely but instead of doing it and feeling guilty the whole time.
But learning to set limits ahead of time, so that you're not anticipating some unknown time that a nebulous authority figure is going to finally have their horror monster timer run out and leap out at you but instead know when and what to expect? Holy shit it helped.
Don't get me wrong, it hella felt like depriving myself at first, like I was being grounded, and I looked at my phone beeping saying it was bedtime quite often and got annoyed.
But then I stopped treating fun as something that had to wait until the end of the day and everything else had to be done first. It is way easier to stare down sleep and go "I don't need you", especially if you have any kind of insomnia making the idea of being in bed a dreadful one on top of it. It is harder to say that about dinner, or calling a friend, or walking the dog. Plus then the day isn't over yet, so giving up on your fun isn't also accepting that as the defining moment of the end of your day!
So you have to start practicing looking for places to squeeze in a little more fun - "I've got an hour before dinner, that's perfect to make some tea and watch two episodes." "My favorite youtuber just put up a new video, why don't I take a break to watch it before I finish this homework?" "I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow anyway, and if I leave an hour early I could go kick around the bookstore first."
And once you do, fun starts to feel less shameful.
Don't get me wrong, if your issues run deep enough it still does sometimes. But when you get to have these moments of joy that you don't feel the need to hide or apologize for and where punishment isn't part of the routine, then fun stops feeling like something you have to dig your claws into for fear of having it taken away from you once someone catches you with it. And that means that finishing a level and glancing over at the clock is something you do because it actually managed to click a satisfaction switch in your head and you wondered if it was a good note to end on for now, instead of something you do with your breath held and the berating words already cycling in your mind.
I am not offering this advice expecting it to work for everyone or be easy or anything like that. I am someone with Depression, ADHD, and pretty severe PTSD sharing a technique that one therapist told me that really happened to click for and help me specifically, in case it might help someone else be a little nicer to themselves today, too.
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browngonzo888 · 3 months
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Drawing hands (best that I can explain)
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spiced-wine-fic · 2 years
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doomspaniels · 6 days
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If you ever need to remember the symbol for some reason, West and East spell WE. Like, weee when you get it right
(I couldn't remember either until I figured that out. Don't ask me to remember my left snd right still)
It does nothing when I actually KNOW which way is west & east, but just Have. The. Wrong. Word. stuck to it in my head.
I *know* the east side of my farm is the one closer to the Atlantic, andI know where that is, and even so. Ask me to point east, I will point west first.
The words are wrong in my head. It's like that for everything with two or three possibles. The words are wrong in my head. I KNOW the compass rose spells "WE" in English, but that's an abstract, and east a real thing--it's right over th... over THERE.
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When you feel the urge to give unsolicited advice, perhaps ask if someone would even care to hear advice on the topic, and what they have already done.
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Unsolicited advice from a 52 year old lady: Take care of your teeth. Floss in the am and the pm. Take your time brushing. You will thank yourself when you get old. START NOW IF YOU HAVE NOT YET.
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