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1-800-marvelswhore · 2 years

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Nothing Even Matters (2)

genre>> eventual smut. angst. fluff. childhood best friends to lovers.

synopsis>> he was your best friend. nothing more. nothing less. you never thought he reciprocated your feelings... until he did, but you wanted him to achieve his dreams so you lie and deny any feelings for him. but at what cost?

warnings: a year has passed, brief time skips, reader struggles with alcohol, angst, yoongi is the best human, more hurt feelings , brokenhearted!taehyung, strong language, reader is broken but healing, reader has a heart to heart with her mom, good parenting, emotions!, flashbacks. mention of family death (father), jungkook, jimin, and hoseok all make cameos, brief fluff

word count>> 10.1k

note: Sorry this chapter took so damn long... writer's block is seriously no joke. But I made it longer and there's more in depth information about the reader. Thank you for your patience and Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy <3.

main masterlist series index

🎧: Drink Before the War by Sinéad O’Connor

and

🎧: Stranger by Katie Costello

A year has passed. 365 days. 8,760 hours. 525,600 minutes. That's how long it's been since you last saw Taehyung. That's how long it's been since you told him you hadn't any feelings for him knowing there was nothing more you wanted in life than to be with him and tell him you love him 1000 times.

You decided to get your life together rather than trashing your liver with more alcohol than you should be consuming. You attended Alcoholics Anonymous and you also had a sponsor. Ironically enough your sponsor wound up being no other than Min Yoongi. When you saw him at one of your AA meetings, the first thing you did was apologize and he let you know there was no hard feelings. Addiction is a tough battle, one that you were now prepared to fight because you made a promise and you intended to keep said promise.

You dealt with your alcoholism by deciding to throw yourself into work and while it wasn't the healthiest thing to do and it exhausted you, you figured this was the lesser evil. Not all of it was bad though because all your hard work enabled you to get a promotion one that you've wanted since before you had even landed the job at Kim Corp.

With him sponsoring you it was inevitable that you'd get close. You learned he was 4 years older than you and he didn't just bartend he'd actually own the same bar.

Sighing and beginning to get fed up with the amount of work you needed to complete, you texted Yoongi.

[You]: could use a break, up for coffee?

[Yoongi]: sure, buy me an americano with 2 shots of espresso and 1 cream :)

You snorted. While your addiction was alcohol, Yoongi's was definitely caffeine.

[You]: u should cut down on the caffeine yoongles. next think u know you're going to have a heart attack..

[Yoongi]: You would want that, wouldn't you?

[You]: pfft no, of course not.

[You]: anyways, I'm at the Cafe Jin.

[Yoongi]: No shit Sherlock, where else would you be?

[You]: I have half the mind to kill you right about now.

[Yoongi]: You love me too much, but I'm always there. Calm down, yeah?

As you walked into the cafe the smell of fresh coffee and muffins filled the air making you swoon. You always did enjoy the smell because it reminded you of your sleepovers with Taehyung... back in the good days at least. You ordered yourself a skinny vanilla latte and Yoongi's drink, paying for it before you sat at a table.

[Yoongi]: I'm down the block.

You didn't respond as you saw him strolling towards the cafe through the large glass windows. He was looking down at his phone with one hand in his pants pocket. To be frank, if you weren't madly in love with Taehyung you'd probably would have made a pass at Yoongi already, that man was attractive beyond words. All in all, your heart was spoken for.

"What're you so deep in thought for loser?" Yoongi smirked down at you making you scoff.

"You're the loser." You snorted gesturing for him to sit.

"So what's new?" He asked you. He was a relatively good sponsor and he was good at human interaction.

He dealt with alcoholism in his teenage years, but when he saw what it did to his mother he decided to stop drinking and fix his life up at the age of 18. Granted owning a bar was already the biggest form of self-control you've ever seen an alcoholic do. I mean if you surrounded yourself around liquor and other drunks your liver would have failed with haste.

"Nothing much," You shrugged. "I got a promotion offer, but that means I'll be in the field more and probably be away from home a lot. I don't know if I'm going to accept as of yet though." You fiddled with your fingers. A habit that started as you stopped drinking, you used to think it was a sign of withdrawal when in all reality it was just nerves.

"How could you not want to take that job? If I remember our conversations correctly, you've wanted that promotion since before you joined the company, no?" He asked rhetorically quirking an eyebrow before continuing. "Look kid. Take the job. You'll regret it if you don't." He said simply.

You knew he was right, I mean what did you have to lose? It was more money and an opportunity to travel, how could you even possibly think of passing such an offer up? The thing was though you were concerned about your mom, she was sick and you didn't want to risk anything happening in your absence.

It was just a risk you couldn't take.

"You're right, but what about my mom? Can't just leave her... she's not deathly sick, but she's sick enough for it to be concerning." You groaned.

"I bet you if you told your mom of this opportunity she'd tell you to take it in a heart beat. Stop making excuses, what's the real reason you don't want to take the job?" He quirked an eyebrow at you. In the year you've spent getting to know each other he's learned almost everything about you and vice versa.

It was a breath of fresh air to be able to share such personal matters with someone who wasn't Taehyung. You hadn't opened up to someone since him because you didn't trust easy, but with Yoongi it came naturally and though it surprised you, you welcomed the change with open arms.

"I guess you're right, but the truth of the matter is I'm way too paranoid to leave my mother. She's all I have which you know and I'm all she has too. My father lost his battle to lung cancer when I was three. I can't just leave her Yoongles." You sniffed fighting the tears that threatened to spill over.

Yoongi just smiled at you adoringly. He knew all the tribes and tribulations you faced in your life, but the fact that you had the heart to speak about them made him admire you. He wished you had someone that could be there for you when no one else was; an anchor if you will. He loved you as if you were his own blood.. which is why it was so easy for him to say these next words to you.

"How about... I take care of your mom whilst you're gone?" He saw your eyes widen before continuing, "I mean it's no big deal. You need and want this job and if this is what I have to do for you to take it then so be it. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, just think of me as the big brother you never had." He smiled at the look on your face. Your eyes were welled up with tears and your lips were quivering.

"I-I don't know what to say. I truly don't." You said softly letting one stray tear glide down your cheek before wiping it away quickly. You smiled happily at him. "Thank you so fucking much. I literally owe you my life right now."

"You don't owe me anything. Just remain sober, take the job, and travel the world. That's how you can pay me back." He shrugged.

At that moment your drinks had finally came and you and Yoongi fell into casual conversation. From your sobriety to future plans at least right now you felt happy... and you didn't even need alcohol. You were grateful for your sobriety & you'd hoped you wouldn't fuck up.

"Okay, so we're going to pay your mom a visit and let her know the news of her new caregiver; this guy!" Yoongi wiggled his eyebrows as his thumbs pointed towards himself. The actions made you snort as per usual. You took a sip of your latte moaning in delight when Yoongi spoke again. "Oh and Y/n?" You hummed in response. "Stop calling me Yoongles."

You simply smirked. "Never."

2 hours later...

You'd arrived at your moms house with Yoongi and you couldn't hold your excitement, you missed her so very much and you were happy that you finally got the chance to see her after almost 4 months. You moved the hydrangea flower vase to the side in search of the spare key and unlocked the door.

"Mom?? I'm here and I have a guest!" You screamed just in case she was upstairs. Her hearing wasn't as well as it used to be.

Your mom was relatively young... having you at 19 and all, but she's had lupus from age 14 and since she thought she couldn't carry kids full-term her and your dad never saw a reason to use protection. When she missed her period twice she never thought anything of it because her cycle was quite abnormal, but when her stomach began growing that's when she went to the doctor. She never had morning sickness with you- which was a blessing for her. You were born a month earlier than expected so you stayed in the NICU until you were 8 months. 5 out of those 8 months were tough, but your mom and dad pulled through and showered you with love... no matter how scared they were.

"Aish.. stop screaming so much child. I'm only in the kitchen." She scolded. "Now who's this guest you've brought over? Is it Taehyung? I miss that boy." She was making her tea to get ready to take her medicine so she hadn't noticed the way you froze when you heard his name.

Yoongi rubbed a soothing hand over your back hoping it'd calm you down a bit; it did.

"No, his name's Yoongi. He's my sponsor and kind of like a brother to me." You explained. Your mom turned and looked at you then Yoongi.

"Well you're quite handsome." She swoons with a coy smirk. Leave it to your mother to make a move on a younger guy.

"Ah thank you Mrs. L/n. You're quite beautiful too if I do say so myself." He flirted back which made you scrunch your face up in displeasure.

"Anyways... we've come to talk to you about something important... not for sexual tension. I got offered a promotion at my job, but it requires me to travel a lot and I'll be in the field more." You got right to the point not wanting to drag this any longer then it needs to.

"Okay? You'd better be taking the job," She paused to take her pills. "I don't want any excuses." She waved her hands about gesturing you to follow her to the living room and sit. "You have my answer now what else are you here for child?"

"Well, Yoongi offered to look after you because soon as I accept the job offer more than likely I'll be on the first plane out of here. He'll just make sure all is well and really it's more for my benefit than yours so in a way it works out. Especially given the fact that you seemed to take some weird interest in him." You stated. She simply blinked at you before moving her gaze to Yoongi.

"I'm not a cripple. And I don't expect you to treat me as such. I'm a capable woman, but if this is what it'll take for my daughter to take this job then so be it." She spoke curtly to Yoongi, who nodded in response.

You sighed heavily. That was one problem you could check off. The other? What about Taehyung... wouldn't this put an indefinite halt in your plans to wait for him? Truthfully, you knew you'd never give up on him- never in a million years, but could he wait? What if he's married, or has a child, or-

"Oi, what're you pondering about?" Your mom waved a hand in your face.

"Taehyung." You spoke softly, but honestly. He's been all you've been thinking about since that last day you saw him. It was hard to ignore the thoughts, but the majority of the time you were to your elbows in work so it helped. But just like alcohol it was just a temporary fix.

"Aw. Look I've known you and Tae since you both were 9 and 10. If it's love? You'll find your way back to each other. The universe has it's way of helping those who need help the most. It's so incredibly hard to get over someone whom you've handed your heart over, and there's not a doubt in my mind that Taehyung has been thinking about you just as much as you're thinking about him. You're beautiful smart and funny. That's why he fell for you in the first place. True love conquers all my daughter. True love conquers all." She hugged you and rubbed at your hair as you cried softly. You weren't sure when exactly the tears fell, but they did. And there was no stopping it.

"Look Y/n your mother's right. True love really is such a powerful thing and though I haven't experienced such a concept myself I know that it can be a beautiful thing. Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get- only with what you are expecting to give and that's everything and more. Life isn't black and white; there's no such thing as you love someone or you don't. You never stop loving someone because genuine love never goes away." Yoongi shrugged as if he didn't just give you a sermon on love.

"Wow when did you become a love expert?" You teased wiping your tears, but still hugging your mom.

"Love, Actually. Tons of sappy romantic shit... I don't even know myself I was just spit balling there to be honest." He smirked lazily. "The point still stands, if he told you he loved you don't overthink things... you'll find your way back to each other and your love will blossom- yeah okay that's enough from me."

You simply smiled.

"For you to be "spit balling" you're quite the wise chap." Your mother praised approvingly making Yoongi fluster.

"Ah thank you, but I should be heading to work now. I'll leave my car so you can get home. The bar is 20 minutes away by train so and it was nice to meet you Ms. L/n see you soon." Before you could protest Yoongi dropped his keys in your lap and landed a kiss on your forehead. What a guy.

"What a guy." Your mom echoed your thoughts out loud making you laugh. She always did have a knack for doing such a thing.

"So want to watch the Marvel movies in timeline order?" You suggested beaming when you saw your mom's smile.

"I thought you'd never ask, go get some clothes. I never refurnished your room so all your stuff is still there. I'll get the popcorn and soda." She beamed happily making you coo. She really was the best mom ever.

You stalked upstairs to your room seeing that literally nothing changed in here. You went by your window seat and a cherished memory crept in the back of your mind, you were 14 and Taehyung was 15...

9 years ago...

You were sitting by your window seat reading, Jane Eyre. It was one of the most underrated books by the eldest of the Bronte sisters, but to you? It was one of the finest pieces of literature you've ever read. Of course, Wuthering Heights was indeed a popular read, but that's why you enjoyed the lesser significance of Jane Eyre- it made you feel different from the rest of the world and you loved that.

"Y/n!! Taehyung is here, I'm sending him upstairs okay?" Before you even thought of a response, Taehyung was right in front of your door making you flush.

"Well hello best friend, reading as always I see?" He teased you making you flip the bird. All it did was cause him to laugh and you couldn't stop yourself from adoring the way his cheeks puffed up. You loved his smile. You loved him. At least as much as a 14 year old could love.

"Yeah well at least I'm getting smarter while your brain cells rot away as you just play video games and watch vines all day." You scoffed. He gasped in mock offense.

"How rude! Your best friend title should be revoked!" He hmphed making you snort.

"You'd die before you replace me... we both know that." You joked. "Anyways what're you doing here? I wasn't aware of this impromptu visit." You spoke before marking your page and closing your book.

"Well that's exactly why it's called impromptu little girl. Use that big head of yours." You kicked him in the shin making him howl out in pain.

"That's what you get and stop letting your year over me gas your head. It's quite irritating." You sat with your legs folded in your seat staring out the window.

"When I get older I'm gonna work as a ghost painter. Nobody would know that any of the art I create is mine- except you of course because you're not nobody. My name would be V for Vincent Van Gogh," He smiled cheekily making you blush. "The anonymity would be the best part because while being a ghost painter, I'll also be a photographer, but with my real identity. I'm thinking I'll do candid shots of people admiring my work without them knowing that I know they don't know that it's me who's work they fell in love with." He spoke so passionately about it. He took a beat before continuing. "Hopefully my career as a photographer will take off because I want to move to Paris and see my paintings in the same museums or galleries as Picasso, Michelangelo, Da Vinci , and more!"

He had his whole future planned. All you could do was stare at him longingly, but that was just as far as you could go for you knew he'd never be yours. You fight the urge to kiss him and instead decide to ask him more questions about his plans for his life. And the best part? You were apart of every moment he spoke of. Making your chest get heavy with emotion.

That's Kim Taehyung for you. Your best friend.

*End of Flashback*

Your eyes filled with tears at the memory. You had been stalking the internet for Taehyung- well "V" and noticed that his paintings were a rave internationally. It was no wonder he'd get an invitation to Paris, all his works spoke to you as if telling a story in just watercolors or oils. You were especially impressed by the fact that he'd also become a huge deal in photography, but you had no doubt in your mind that he'd succeed in exactly what he wanted.

You shook your head, wiping your tears, instead deciding to start digging through your dresser for clothes. You were still relatively within the same weight range as your teenage self so you were able to fit the pajama set you picked out with no problem. Your hips grew a bit, but your pants still fit snugly. You proceeded down stairs and saw your mom had the popcorn and soda out just as she said she would.

You didn't know much about what the future would bring, but one thing you knew for sure was you were gonna miss your mom and you were going to miss her a lot.

2 days later...

You sighed heavily as you looked up at the huge building that is Kim Corps, to say you were nervous was definitely an understatement. You were worried that you'd fuck something-anything up and lose the job of your dreams, but you were hopeful. You hadn't lost all faith in yourself and you weren't going to start now.

"Okay let's do this." You muttered to yourself stepping into the building. You ears filled with the sound of people chattering and the smell of the cafeteria filled your nostrils making you sigh contently. As nervous as you were, you always did love the smell of coffee and bagels in the morning. It gave you a homey sense and you loved it. You made your way straight to the elevators pressing the 12th floor.

You were 20 minutes early, but you know what they say; the early bird gets the worm- or in your case the promotion. I mean there was no competition for your spot, but you'd rather not be late to such an important meeting. You were going to figure out where the first place on the field would be and you were nauseous just as much as you were excited. It was nerve wracking how much you'd wanted to go somewhere such as New Amsterdam, Rome, Paris... but you're not sure you want to go to Paris anymore.

It's not that you didn't want to it's more like you'd rather not bump into Taehyung in a foreign country because... well does there need to be a reason?

The elevator stopped at the 12th floor and you braced yourself mentally praying that you'd get somewhere that's beautiful, but not too distracting. But you know how these cliche's go... Of course you'd go somewhere that's beautiful, but next thing you know, you're hit by a bus. You laughed at the thought and you knew it wasn't funny, but if you can't joke about dying can you joke at all?

The sounds of your heels clicking against the tile floors was the only thing you heard as you made your way to the CEO's office. Your legs were shaking and your hands were jittery as you opened the door. You were immediately greeted by the sight of a conference table and 6 other bodies occupying the seats.

"Ah Y/n!" Your boss, Kim Namjoon, greeted. "Your quite early, but that's fine I do love a dedicated employee. Punctuality is a big thing in the business world. Aish I'm talking too much.. please take a seat." He gestured to the chair across from where he was seated.

"Good afternoon Y/n, I'm Park Jimin, I'll be helping you on the field wherever we go." He beamed at you. You almost cooed at the way his eyes crinkled, but you held back.

"Nice to meet you." You spoke quietly. You didn't want to come off too strong, but you didn't want to come off as a shy little girl either so you decided to just speak calm and collected.

"Right on with it then, Y/n your first assignment will be of 8 months in Paris. What you'll be doing is working on advertising with out partner; Dubois Inc. It's pertinent that you make a good impression. Given the fact that you are a foreigner, that doesn't speak French, however will prove to make the transition a little more complicated than it needs to be. But I have no doubt in my mind that you'll be able to adjust. The 2 men to your right will be your assistants and they will help you with whatever you need. Al good thus far?" He looked at you with a strong gaze that almost made you cower.

No it wasn't all good. You were going to Paris... that much was inevitable and you knew that and the reality of the situation you were in was sinking in slowly. You'd be better off not going to Paris, but you couldn't say anything to your boss... no that would make you seem ungrateful plus Paris really is one of the most beautiful cities so how bad could it be?

"Yes all good Mr. Kim, I'm very happy to be able to go to Paris and you won't regret hiring me sir." You nodded curtly.

"Oh I have no doubt in my mind about that. You're free to leave. Your plane ticket and hotel booking have been sent to your email and feel free to request anything in your favor. You're free to leave, Jimin, Jungkook, and Hoseok will all meet you in Paris." And with that you held in your squeal and left the room with haste.

Though you'd be in Paris, how could you possibly bump into Taehyung when it's such a grand city? There was no way. Literally the only way would be fate; and you haven't had much faith in fate so there's that. It was a placebo to you; the idea of fate. It gives hope, but when such a thing doesn’t happen it crushes a persons faith.

As you were walking your phone rang and it read ‘Yoongles’ on the screen which made you immediately pick up just in case it had anything to do with your mom. Jeez you weren’t even in Paris yet and you were worried. This oughta prove to be harder than initially thought.

“Hello?” He spoke first which surprised you because he never spoke first.

“Hey Yoongles, everything alright?” You inquired immediately wasting no time. He simply chuckled.

“Yes everything is fine Y/n, I was just calling because I know the interview was today and just wanted to see where they’d be sending you first.” The thoughtfulness made you smile. You knew he had a soft spot for you, but this was just something else.

“Ohhh, yeah they’re sending me to Paris. Irony truly is a cruel mistress don’t you think? Whatever I guess.” You pouted even though he couldn’t see you.

“Ah though Paris is a beautiful city all I care about is your sobriety and happiness. Do you think you can handle the possibility of seeing him? On the off chance it’s possible, I mean.” He questioned carefully.

“Honestly? I’m not even sure yet, but don’t worry about that… I’ll immediately contact you if I feel as though I might relapse.” You bit your lip. You’d hoped that you would contact him… You hoped that you wouldn’t go off the deep end. You prayed. You’ve come so far and you’d really rather not risk it all.

“Y/n? Are you completely sure you can trust yourself to contact me when the urge comes? I ask because it WILL come and it might throw your mind for a loop. I just want to consider all our options. If you do feel as though you wouldn’t be able to see him then I can talk to Namjoon. He’s an old friend of mine anyway.” Yoongi suggested. That was new information for you. You had no idea Yoongi knew your boss, but then again how could you? You never asked.

“N-no it’s fine I swear. There’s a shit ton of artwalks in Paris so on the off chance I run into him then… I’ll distract myself with some Picasso and Van Gogh. You know me Yoongles. I’ll be fine.” You reassured. Though you weren’t even sure yourself at this point. But you know what they say; fake it till you make it right?

“Alright, well I’m proud of you kid. Can’t believe you’re going to Paris without me.” You couldn’t see him, but you could hear the mock pout on his face which put a smile on yours.

“Don’t be sad Yoongles, when I make enough money then I’ll take you on a trip to Paris.” You teased. You were serious though with all his help through your sobriety he’d deserve a trip out the country. And you’d be more than happy to be the one in order to do so.

“Oh you’re gonna be a big baller huh? I love that for you loser.” He chuckled softly. There was a beat of silence before he continued, “All jokes aside though I am going to miss you. Not that much, but I’m going to miss you.” He sniffed. You knew Yoongi enough to know if he got emotional you meant a lot to him so hearing his sniffles? Definitely made your eyes water. “I love ya kiddo and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. Remember that.”

And remember that you will. How could you forget? You knew Yoongi would be calling you everyday checking up on you making sure you’re still sober and just because he missed you.

“I will and I love you too Yoongles.” You smiled sadly. You were gonna miss him and your banter. It won’t be the same over the phone, but you had to do what you had to do. This job opportunity was one in a million… you’d be insane to reject such a considerable offer. You knew that much. “I have to go because I have to pack, but tell my mom I love her and be sure to take care of yourself.” He hummed and you hung up.

A day later…

This was it. You’d be leaving for Paris in 18 hours and there was still so much that needed to be done. You still have yet to finish packing and you know you shouldn’t be procrastinating this much because you’re usually a prompt person, but something- somehow is holding you back from getting your shit together. You knew what that something was, but you chose to ignore it for the sake of your sobriety and general health. All in all you were still on the verge of an anxiety attack. As if pshycologically sensing your inner battle Yoongi called. He was always good at doing that. You picked up hastily and heard his voice.

“What’s up, kiddo?” He said as soon as you picked up. You sighed in relief at the sound of his voice; he always could calm you down from anxiety attacks.

“H-hey Yoongles.” You replied back shakily. Instantly he knew what was wrong.

“Woah, Y/n are you okay? Do you need me to come over? You sound like you’re hyperventilating and that usually results in anxiety attacks… so tell me right now if I need to come over.” He all but demanded in worry. You inhaled sharply trying to focus on breathing before responding.

“N-no I’m fine… just being on the phone with you is helping me calm down a ton so thank you. You always know when I need your help.” You attempted to joke, but Yoongi remained silent. “I’m serious I’m fine Yoongles.” That nickname always softened him up and you’d hoped it’d do so right now.

It did. Sort of.

“Fuck. I’m so worried about you all the time… I’m gonna be a nervous wreck when you go to Paris and I just-” He stopped talking suddenly and exhaled a large breath. “I’m just going to want to beat myself up if anything happens to you over there.”

“Hey man nothing’s gonna happen. Have some faith in me, yeah?” You teased. You knew his worry was coming from how much he’s seen you struggle this past year, but you didn’t want him to worry this much… you hate being a burden more than anything.

“I have faith in you. I don’t, however, have faith in the temptation of alcohol. You’ve done great this past year, but if you happen to bump into Tae-” You winced at the name so Yoongi corrected himself, “That guy… the temptation and urge to drown yourself in alcohol will become so hard to ignore and I won’t be there physically to help. You know?” He spoke softly not wanting to say anything that you’d take the wrong way. Little did he know… nothing he says does anything but help you.

“Yoongi you’ve done more than enough and let the fact that I just called you Yoongi instead of Yoongles sink in because you know how serious I am once I use your actual name rather than your nickname,” You paused. “Besides you can always come visit; so long as you bring my mom, of course because she’s always wanted to come to Paris too.”

He simply chuckled and there was another beat of silence. One thing that you loved about your relationship with Yoongi was everything was so easy; conversations, admissions, confessions, revelations… it never seemed like a chore with him. It’s blasphemous that you met him in a bar, but you’re grateful you were a regular and there isn’t anything you would change.

“Alright little sis I’m gonna let you get to packing because we both know that you’ve yet to finish and you can’t put this off anymore. You leave tomorrow. Well technically at the ass crack of dawn, but same difference anyhow. I love you and see you tomorrow.” His voice wavered knowing he was possibly on the verge of tears made you bite your lip to refrain from having an emotional breakdown.

“O-okay bye Yoongles.” You quickly hung up and folded into yourself on your bed like a kid. You’d hoped that Paris would be worth all this emotional strain. You really did. If not? You don’t know what you’d do.

You put your “Cure my Depression” playlist on shuffle and got to packing knowing there was no more procrastination that could be done. You needed this job and the benefits that came with it. You inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly. You got this, you told yourself.

17 Hours Later…

You were at Incheon International Airport outside of Gate 6 waiting for the announcer to announce flight 180. Ironic (bit of a Final Destination reference). You were almost ready to board your plane, but right now? You were in a bear hug with your mom and Yoongi. Tears were shed and sad smiles were shared. Some shit you’d see in a sappy RomCom if you do say so yourself. Just without the romance because you knew very well there was no type of romanticism in your life. At least not at the moment.

“Don’t forget to FaceTime us everyday even if just for 2 minutes. If you don’t I will hop on the next flight to Paris with no hesitation.” Your mom playfully scolded to which you just nodded. You’d definitely be calling them; so much so they may just get tired of you. In any case, they’d be getting calls. Whether they’re annoyed or not.

“Oh don’t worry you’re sure to get tired of me with how much I’m going to be calling. Yoongi just make sure you’re by your phone at ALL times. If I happen to bump into that man in any circumstances the first thing I’m doing is calling you. Mom. Please don’t worry yourself about me. I know I’m going rather far, but I’m a call away. Don’t stress too much. I love you both. I should probably get to my gate,” You squeezed them in one more bittersweet hug. “I’ll call when I land.” They nodded and you hauled yourself and your luggage towards your plane.

You internally prayed (to whatever God you may or may not believe in) that you’d have a safe unproblematic flight to Paris. You’d hoped that nothing would happen as you took off. And you really hoped the turbulence wouldn’t be too much to handle. You didn’t have a fear of planes because you knew what came with them and you always expected the expected the unexpected. However, you did have a fear of dying. As you walked to the gates you imagined the song “Worldwide” playing by Big Time Rush. It was one of your favorite childhood songs and you’d imagined yourself as Jo when she was leaving Kendall.

“Last call for flight 180 to Paris, France. Last call for Flight 180 to Paris, France.” The announcement spoke as you arrived in front of the door to your plane. You looked back once more and sighed heavily. “Bye Korea. You will be missed.” You whispered more to yourself than anything. Saying goodbye to your home was a bittersweet feeling. You don’t think you’d survive longer than these 8 months. You hoped all will go well and the time will pass by quickly.”

You handed your ticket to the stewardess outside of the landing gate and made your way inside the plane. Your seat and the seats next to you were empty whilst the rest of the plane was empty. You hadn’t expected that given the fact that you were flying economy, but you were grateful nonetheless.

“Can I help you with anything to eat, drink or read? This is quite the long flight and I will be available at any point in time you may need something.” A flight attendant of the name Sinead told you.

“No thank you.” You responded politely to which she nodded with a smile and walked to the next person. You figured if you slept at least through half of this ride the anxiety you felt creeping into your skin would pass by easier. So that’s what you did. You slept.

12 hours and 25 minutes later…

Much to your surprise you were sleep for the entirety of the flight. Only time you had woken up was to use the restroom, but immediately after you went back into your deep slumber. It felt good and from what you could tell there wasn’t much turbulence… well if there was you didn’t feel it and that pleased you greatly. On your way down from the escalator you saw Park Jimin standing at the bottom with your namecard. You were shocked at how quickly they got to Paris, but you assumed they had a private jet of some sort so you’re not too surprised.

“Hello Ms. L/n” He smiled at you. You thought he was charming and damn near cooed at the way his eyes turn into tiny crescent moons. But you held yourself back.

“Ah greetings Mr. Park fancy seeing you here.” You teased now reaching him. He smelled of wood and vanilla. The cliche man smell you reckon.

“Ah mademoiselle no need for formalities.” He winked, “We should get going we kind of have to get to HQ and I believe we are running late already. Shall we?” Jimin held his arm out to which you hastily grabbed. You almost retracted it, but his smile reassured you.

“Work on my first day in Paris… Such a shame.” You tsked playfully. It was already beyond easy to joke around and converse with Jimin and you were happy about that because you always did hate those typical boss-assistant relationships in which the foundation of their relationship is simply the boss having superiority over the assistant. Yeah, you didn’t believe in that. It was belittling and having been in that position before… you’d be damned if you treated someone as such.

“Ah, but once we settle in HQ and send to Mr. Kim that we’ve touched base then we can explore all of what Paris has to offer. Especially the Lourve because I know you want to go there. Who wouldn’t?” Jimin chuckled softly. He was walking briskly yet calm. His whole demeanor seemed to calm you down tenfold. “Ah right… Hoseok should already be at HQ since he landed before us so hopefully it isn’t too much to be done. I know you must have jet lag.”

You shrugged though he was completely right. “It’s no biggie. At the end of the day this is a promotion so I knew I would have more work then I did previously. I worked hard for this promotion and I’ll do whatever must be done in order to not disappoint Mr. Kim.” Jimin just smiled at you making you flush. You cleared your throat. “Should we?” You motioned to the car in front of you.

“After you.” He winked whilst opening the door to the Lincoln sedan. You would’ve whistled at the sight of it, but you figured it was just any other town car. Except it wasn’t it had tinted windows and from what you could tell… a fresh coat of matte black paint. The interior was leathered up and it seemed as if this car had just came from repo. Whatever the case may be… there was no denying that this car was a beaut. Jimin slid in next to you still smiling. You noticed that he smiles a lot more than the average person and you found that admirable… In a world such as this one, it’s hard to find happiness so you’re quite impressed that he’s able to smile.

“We’re going to HQ.” Jimin told the driver in English. The driver nodded and drove off with haste. Just when you thought you couldn’t get any more impressed by this guy he goes and gives you another reason.

“You’re impressive, Park Jimin. You’ll make for a good assistant I reckon. I hope there is never any tension between the two of us and I hope that you feel comfortable enough to be around me in order to open up to me whenever you see fit. I am your boss, but I never want to make you feel as though you are under me. We shall have boundaries of course, but other than that I’m an open book.” You spoke quick but Jimin was hanging on to every word you uttered.

“Okay Ms. L/n.” He snorted and you nudged him in response. “In any case I’ve no choice but to respect you more than I would those who’re on the same level of employment as me. So thank you for giving me freedom, but I shall not take advantage of it.” He looked at you studiously as if trying to read your expression before it came on your face.

“I’m glad we have reached an understanding.” You nodded sternly yet playfully. You were rather impressed with his work ethic and easy understanding of common principles. You knew you were his boss and that he should have more of a respect for you than the common person, but you didn’t like the feeling of superiority. He just nodded in response and the rest of the drive was silent. However, it was a comfortable silence not one of awkwardness.

“We’re here bosses.” The chauffeur, who’s name you learned is Haechul, stated. You nodded and stepped out the car. From what Jimin has told you you figured that your bags had already made it to the hotel you would be staying at while you were here. You’d wondered if you’d have your own room or if you had to share, but that was a bridge to walk when you got there. As for now… you’re fine with the mystery. (this isn’t that kind of trope so no it won’t be Taehyung)

“Thank you Haechul. You’re free to go on break. Don’t come back until we call you for assistance.” You commanded to which he nodded curtly. You really did despise the way most bosses treated their employees so you swore to yourself when you became successful and had employees of your own you’d never treat them the way you had to be treated before your success. While it may have shaped you to be the kind of employee you are now, you figure you could be way better had you been treated with more respect. Or maybe if your previous boss wasn’t such a womanizer… You hadn’t realized that as your thoughts took over Jimin had said something and you only caught the last bit.

“...Dinner?” You looked at Jimin and blinked. Was he asking you to dinner? That’d be quite inappropriate you reckon. Maybe ask him to repeat himself..?

“I’m truly sorry, but could you repeat that? I only caught on to the last part of the question.” You said kindly to which Jimin just laughed.

“Yes, I asked if after the Lourve you’d want to get dinner? Of course it’d be rather inappropriate of me to try and attend dinner with you which is why I was going to recommend a good diner that you can get takeout from.” He shrugged simply.

“Oh… well yes I guess that’d be good. I do feel as though before we go to the Lourve I’d like to visit an art walk- a street one that is.” You thought about the possibility of seeing one of Taehyung’s paintings there and you really would want to see one in person. You haven’t seen one of his artworks in person since forever and it’d make you happy.

“Luckily for you, there’s always one open about two blocks away from the museum therefore you can go before or after.” He smiled which made you nod with a small smile of your own.

“Thank you Jimin.” He gestured in front of him as if telling you to lead the way which you were baffled by seeing as though this was your first time at Paris’ headquarters. You shot him a look of concern to which he snickered.

“Just go straight to the lift and go to the top floor ma’am.” As you walked in the building you noticed the elegant interior… it gave off the perfect “French Renaissance” theme and you adored it wholeheartedly. There was a front desk; which you assumed was the receptionist. You read her name tag and learned her name was Avril, she smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes so you greeted her with a curt nod and kept walking through what seemed to be an endless corridor.

Without realizing you must’ve stumbled into the lift because the doors were closing and you were on your way to the top of the building. Perhaps you were so in awe you hadn’t minded your step… in any case this life was exceptionally extravagant. The music was the instrumental to “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion. You let your thoughts take over and began feeling bad for Jack Dawson. Personally you thought he could have survived & that there was room for both him and Rose. That whole movie was rather depressing if you did say so yourself.

You adored it though. Such a tragic love story, but written so beautifully. The movie took such a impactful event in history and romanticized it the perfect amount so it doesn’t stray away from the fact that the sinking of the Titanic was indeed a rather melancholy occurrence. You were stripped from your thoughts when the elevator came to a sudden stop. You straightened your posture and walked through the doors ready to take on the day ahead of you.

“Ah, you must be L/n, F/n! I’m Jung Hoseok which I’m sure Mr. Kim told you, however if he didn’t than I must formally introduce myself.” He was smiling- beaming even and you enjoyed the positivity greatly and he put his hand out for you to shake which you did.

So with a smile of your own you responded, “Nice to meet you! I just want to thank you in advance for all of your assistance on this promotion.” You dropped his hand and he bowed.

“No need to thank me! Just doing my job. Now the office here is not so different from the one in Seoul… only difference is you’re working with more foreigners than anything. However, French people are evidently easy to work with and they cooperate because they like to get things done efficiently. Mr. Kim wants our first task to be trying to entrap new clientele.. I’m not entirely sure why, but half of me thinks he just wants us to scour Paris on our first day. Don’t tell him I said that,” He stopped briefly and tapped his chin as if in thought. “Ah and Jimin will take you to the rented house that you’ll be living in. Completely paid for by the company so no need to worry about funds unless for food.” You nodded. Though that was a lot of information to take in so quickly you respected his efficiency.

“Thank you Hoseok, you’ve truly been the most helpful thus far. Now Jimin tells me that there’s an artwalk close by the Lourve… do you know how far the museum is from here? Is it walking distance or might I have to rent a Vespa?” You inquired. You really were anxious, but you were more intrigued at the possibility of seeing one of Taehyung’s pictures and you know what they say; go big or go home. And you just left home so going big was the obvious choice here.

“Ah yes it truly is a sight at night. It’s a 15 minute walk for the “average” walker, but you don’t seem to be an average walker so roughly 10 minutes by foot. It really depends on the speed in which you walk.” He rambled on. You found it admirable more than anything else though.

“Thank you again Hoseok, I’ll see you tomorrow for the first official day of work… well in the office that is.” You smiled at him and he returned the smile with no hesitation. He bowed at you and walked off. The hard part wasn’t necessarily even going to the artwalk itself, the hard part would be not to breakdown in front of all his photographs and paintings because you know there is always a message behind what Taehyung does… you just weren’t emotionally ready to deal with it as of yet.

2 hours later…

You were getting ready for the artwalk when you got a notification to your phone; a text from Yoongi. You were expecting it sooner or later you just didn’t think it’d be this much later.

[Yoongles]: How’s the city of love going for ya?

[You]: there’s currently no loving over here, but for everyone else? I’m sure they’re doing superb :p

[Yoongles]: Ah, don’t be such a Debby Downer baby sis. You got this! So how was the first day? Hectic? Tiring? Boring? Dreadful?

[You]: None of the above actually. It was hardly a first day because well all I did was visit headquarters and met my two assistants, but other then that? It was a pretty calm and chill day.

[You]: Oh and I’m going to visit an artwalk later… for no particular reason at all of course, but you know me! I love me some art :)

[Yoongles]: Y/n… do you think me a fool? (don’t answer that it was rhetorical)

[Yoongles]: You think I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours? You hope to see a work of he who shall not be named.

[You]: I never implied that you didn’t know what was going through my head,,, as a matter of fact I was hoping you did!

[Yoongles]: There’s nothing I can say that’ll convince you NOT to go I’m assuming… just be careful and if by chance- or fate whatever you choose to call it.. You see him? Don’t resort to drinking make sure you call me immediately. Otherwise.. Have fun <3.

[You]: Yes Sir! <3

You turned your phone off and sighed anxiously. You want to believe you’ll be fine, but there is still a chance that you may have to see Taehyung. And while it hasn’t been too long of a time well it’s still been a long time. 365 days? Yeah a very long time in your book. You’d hope that the first time you saw him he wouldn’t be too angry with you, but knowing Taehyung you knew that was wishful thinking. He wasn’t one to forgive easily- especially when it came to his feelings about something. What would he do when he saw you? That same thought was constant in your head and it was one of your biggest worries. However, you hoped for the best. You flinched at the sound of your doorbell ringing knowing it was more than likely Jimin coming to pick you up.

“Coming! Give me a second just going to make sure that everything is off!” You took a quick skim of your apartment and took a deep breath for the nth time this night. To say you were nervous would be the understatement of the century, but you were hopeful. You believed in destiny and you hoped destiny wouldn’t let you down.

You opened the door and saw- not Jimin but Jungkook? He looked up from his phone and gave you a bright smile which you caught yourself almost cooing at.

“Jimin told me to extend his apology for not being able to make it tonight he was needed back in the office for preparation things. But I will happily escort you to the artwalk Ms. Y/n.” He bowed to which you immediately shook your head at.

“No need for the formalities Jungkook. Thank you for your consideration. Let’s go shall we?” To which he stepped to the side extending his arm and nodding the same way fancy waiters do when taking you to your booth. Jungkook closed the door behind you and so the adventure began.

“What are you most excited about seeing?” Jungkook inquired. You found it admirable that he would make small talk during this walk therefore the silence wouldn’t make everything so awkward. You knew you couldn’t really tell him that this was some sort of way to stalk your ex-bestfriend to see how his art has either changed or not changed from when you guys were teenagers, but you didn’t want to lie either.

“An old friend of mine? Well, his name has been big in the world of art lately so I wanted to see if there was a chance I’d see some of his works in local artwalks. He’s always been such a great artist even when we were teenagers so I’m sure he’s been recognized enough around the world.” Jungkook just nodded in response. “Anything you’re particularly interested in?” You countered.

“I like photography, but like vintage and candid. Photography has always been a hobby of mine, but I like the corporate world more which confuses a lot of people.” He shrugged.

“That’s very admirable. Maybe in the future I can see some of your pictures if I’m not imposing of course.” You smiled to which he returned. As you were roaming the streets of Paris you noticed why this was such a tourist spot. The nights were exceptionally beautiful and you enjoyed the finer things in life such as a beautiful night under the stars. The stars in Paris definitely shined brighter which you loved.

“Ah here we are it’s past that alley there.” He pointed in an alley where you heard a violin and other instruments. All of a sudden you were overcame with nerves… what if Taehyung was there? What would his reaction be to you admiring his art after you messed with his heart? Would he mind? Your mind was running every scenario possible (Pipe down Doctor Strange) and of course your own subconsciousness was against you and thought this whole interaction could go wrong rather than right. Why did you decide to give up the alcoholic life again?!

You inhaled and exhaled deeply before smiling up at Jungkook. “Let’s go shall we?” He nodded and led the way. As soon as you reached the alley you were overcome with the smell of fresh French pastry and music. It was honestly the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. Your eyes lit up in admiration as soon as artwork came into your view. There were different types ranging from abstract to realism even cubism which you heard was hard to perfect. “Wow.” You sighed out loud.

“Yeah it’s all very beautiful a lot of these pieces took artists months if not years to finish.” Jungkook explained while admiring some photography.

“I’m going to explore more, if you need me just text me and we can regroup and vice versa.” He nodded and you walked off. Anxiety and excitement both filling you as you were ready to possibly see some of Taehyung’s work. As you were admiring you noticed a painting that looked familiar and sure enough… V was signed at the bottom right of the portrait. I mean of course it looked familiar… It was you. Tears welled up in your eyes. How did he manage to make you look better with nothing but paint and a canvas? You really loved this man. While you were awestruck you hadn’t noticed the artist himself a mere 2 feet away.. Simply admiring you as you admired his favorite painting.

Taehyung’s POV:

All feeling of resentment left Taehyung as he saw you. You looked amazing under the moonlight and lanterns and his heart began racing as if he was a teenager loving you from a distance all over again. This whole year he worked on nothing else but this portrait and seeing your reaction made all that time worth it. In his mind he knew that you would be reunited, but he sure didn’t think it’d be this soon. But is it really that soon if he counted the days he was left without seeing your smile? He wasn’t sure if he should talk to you or not because he didn’t want to possibly say the wrong thing. While he spent this time missing you he also had a lot of pent up anger and resentment towards you. It was a rational reaction he thought.. At least when you weren’t in front of him, but now he’s not so sure. He was about to walk away and leave you to it, but you looked up and he got lost in your eyes. Curse your keen instincts… You always did have a good gut feeling when someone was staring at you. Taehyung didn’t break the eye contact even as his heart got heavy and memories began rushing back in his mind 10 fold. He couldn’t. Your eyes stared back into his and your mouth was slightly agape. It seemed you two were the only ones in the world at that moment and it was as if the Earth itself stopped rotating. It was as though neither of you wanted to ruin whatever on Earth this trance was so you remained still. Staring.

Somehow in the midst of all this staring Taehyung’s legs moved and he was in front of you. Tall as ever. Still no words were spoken… until Taehyung decided he had stared enough and reached his hand up and caressed your cheek softly resting his palm there for a second. “Y/n… I’ve missed you.” Were the first words he said to you. Taehyung let his mouth speak for him before his mind could catch up.

“Taehyung.” You said softly now holding his hand that was on your cheek.

Both of you knew there was tons to speak about but right now in this moment you both thought it could wait a bit. You were in your own old world now and you both wanted to remain there before you had to face the music and face decisions that could possibly alter any sense of normalcy.

No, that’s for fantasy.. This is real life.

Reader POV:

“No… I can’t just pretend everything is okay. You hurt me Y/n.. hurt me too much. It took a lot for me to even confess and you turned me down, I understand why, but no. I’m going to need time before I can just jump back into our regular selves.” Taehyung removed his hand from your cheek and immediately you missed the warmth his hand brought you. You gulped before deciding to speak.

“I know Taehyung trust me I know. But we both needed that time. I dealt with my alcoholism and I’m better. I wanted to be better so that when we found each other again I could be someone worthy of your love. I know it was selfish of me, but I wanted you to pursue your dream here in Paris. But NOT while I was an alcoholic who couldn’t go a day without drinks. I’ve been sober for the past 365 days. You inspired me to be better and I’m so so grateful for you. You’ve made a big name for yourself and I’ve never been more proud. I love you. More than what you may think. Take the time you need, I’ll wait for you no matter what.” You wiped a stray tear from your cheek and took a step back. Taehyung didn’t respond rather he pulled you into a tight embrace and gave you a kiss on the forehead.

“Tomorrow. Meet me at the Eiffel Tower. 8 pm. Sharp. If you’re not there I will leave and we won’t have the much needed conversation we need to have.” And with that he walked off into the night without a glance back. You were shaking, but hopeful.

Tomorrow at 8 pm would change everything. You were sure.

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homo-sex-shoe-whale · 3 years

Text

Online shipping, the fetishisation of gay men, and the romanticisation of queer trauma

An essay by me!

Word count: 2.8k

A link to the Google Doc version of this essay.

A big thank you to my friends Nathan @themeerkatnate, Mav @not-mavv , and Duke @dukedark-ness for reading this essay and giving me their thoughts as mlms on the topic. Make sure to check out their blogs and give them a follow!

So I was on a lovely website by the name of Twitter.com yesterday, just scrolling through while having my afternoon cup of coffee, when I saw that viral post of a girl reading a Larry fanfic through a classroom projector. I'm sure most of you have seen it. It's gone viral on Instagram, TikTok, and likely Tumblr too, and if you haven't come across it I'm positive you will soon.

Now, after getting through my initial reaction to that post which was, holy fuck, that's so embarrassing, I had a second reaction of... wait, this ship is still around?

And after I had some thoughts on the incredible permanence of some online ships and the weird obsolescence of others, I did get to thinking of how lots of these popular ships seem to stem from the same types of perceived relationship dynamics and homophobic stereotypes.

These online fandoms often seem to have an obsession with objects of queer trauma, such as having to hide a relationship, lying about sexuality for self-preservation, and even social rejection. So, after some opinions from my followers and the great archive that is the internet, I've decided to discuss some of the most popular examples of online shipping and the particular nuances they came with.

NOTE: Out of respect for all these people, I won't be sharing viral images or videos of them in perceived romantic proximity (or even kissing, as is applicable for some examples), but I will be describing certain moments I deem to be relevant. So even if you're unfamiliar with them, you won't be confused as to what I'm talking about.

NOTE 2: Although not all people within these fandoms were/are toxic, this essay is focused on the overall toxicity of the fandoms, and how they are toxic more so as a "hive" than as a group of individuals. When I refer to a fandom I don't mean every person involved in the fandom, but rather the collective impact of the group.

1. Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson

This is arguably the most popular example of online shipping. The absolute permanence of this ship, and how its fandom never seems to fully die off even beyond the lifespan of One Direction as it once stood, is downright impressive.

I'm going to be the first to admit I was never in the loop with this fandom. My childhood best friend was actually a massive Larry shipper and asked me to beta read one of her fics, but that was before I even knew who tf Harry and Louis were! Not because I avoided the fandom or even because I rejected the online shipping, but just by coincidence, I delved into the world of pop punk music right when One Direction began gaining its popularity. I bought my first ever album, Riot by Paramore, in 2011- only a year after One Direction made their X-Factor debut. So, this fandom just bypassed me by a sort of weird coincidence.

But I don't need to be in the loop with this fandom to know the astronomical obsession with these two men, no, these two BOYS, was extremely toxic. In 2010, when One Direction made their debut, Harry Styles was only 16 years old. And Louis Tomlinson wasn't much older at 19! This made the two of them incredibly young when this unprecedented wave of shipping hit the internet, and although that must be traumatising for anyone, I cannot even fathom how overwhelming it must've been for two boys that young.

I'm 18, almost 19 now, and I cannot begin to imagine how scary it was for the two of them to have their every interaction nitpicked within an inch of its life by thousands upon thousands of people online. I do not know this myself, but from numerous recounts by some of my followers, this massively impacted Harry's and Louis' nondescript relationship in real life, seemingly driving the two previously close friends apart.

Now, before we move on, there's something we need to talk about. And that is the obsession with the dominance/submission dynamic within the world of gay shipping.

With almost every popular mlm (an acronym meaning man-loving-man) ship based on real people, it seems that fandoms have a particular fascination with power imbalances in these relationships. You don't even need to look at the insane amount of fanfictions based on BDSM to figure this out. In almost all of the examples I'll be citing today, there is an age gap within the perceived relationship and a person the fandom has seemingly decided to be the top/dominant figure.

Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are 3 years apart in age. Although it isn't all that relevant now, an age gap of 3 years when you're in your late teens is a lot more significant. In 2012, for example, when this shipping really started gaining traction, Harry Styles was 18 and Louis Tomlinson was 21. That power imbalance, albeit not that significant, is enough for a fandom to latch on to. We'll see this a lot more in the coming example with Dan and Phil.

2. Dan Howell and Phil Lester

It's impossible to have a discussion about internet shipping without talking about Dan and Phil.

Dan Howell and Phil Lester, although being popular YouTubers individually, are arguably one of the internet's most iconic duos. The two creators published their first videos together in 2009, and while their relationship was already a motive of speculation back then, the peak of the "Phan" shipping definitely came in the 2013-2016 era of Tumblr.

Now, I'm going to admit… I was actually on Tumblr when that happened.

The 2013-2016 period perfectly aligns with my middle school days (I started middle school in 2013 and high school in 2016), and I was not only on Tumblr back then, but I was on Wattpad too! Again, this wasn't a fandom I had much contact with as I had a huge anime phase in middle school and I was on Tumblr posting mainly photography and Soul Eater content more than anything.

But I did watch some of Dan and Phil's videos! And the occasional "Phan" content did not completely evade me as one of my closest friends in middle school had a fanchat for them. I wasn't involved in the fandom myself but they were actually one of the few English-speaking YouTubers I watched once in a blue moon (back then I watched mainly Brazilian YouTubers). One thing I did in fact notice over the years, around 2014ish perhaps, was that the two of them seemed to grow increasingly "awkward" around each other, in a way that many folks on the internet thought was reminiscent to Markiplier/Jacksepticeye, two YouTubers who also dealt with extraordinary amounts of shipping.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. The change in Dan and Phil's relationship, at least to the outside world, was clear to almost anyone who watched their videos for a while. I cannot blame them at all. The shipping was nuts. Between the countless fan videos, speculative comments, and insurmountable number of fanfics, there's no way the two of them didn't feel the weight of the shipping. The term "demon phannie" made its way into internet vernacular and there it stayed for years. Even Shane Dawson, who was one of the largest creators on the platform at the time, made several videos speculating on the nature of Dan and Phil's relationship and their sexual orientations.

There was even porn made in which actors with similar appearances to the creators were made to have sex on camera.

Now, this is actually a rare example where the two people involved in the ship actually came out as gay once the shipping seemed to die down. I'm incredibly happy Dan and Phil both reached a point where they were comfortable being publicly out, but I hate to say I'm shocked this day ever came. If I'd gone through what the two of them did, I don't know if I'd ever trust the internet.

And again, this ship's fandom definitely had an obsession with the power dynamics they thought existed between the people within the ship. Dan Howell is 4 years younger than Phil Lester, and was only 18 in 2009, when they started making videos together. From my personal understanding, the shipping was often quite focused on this dominant/submissive dynamic especially in discussions from their early relationship. And this is in no way exclusive to Dan and Phil.

This general fascination with the older man/younger man dynamic, in my opinion, plays into the homophobic stereotype that gay men are predators. The idea that gay men usually seek younger men, and somehow "convince" them to engage in homosexual relationships, is popular homophobic rhetoric. The popularisation, exaggeration, and fetishisation of these power imbalances, in age and/or in relationship dynamics, is directly harmful to the mlm community.

Not only that, but the romanticisation of a "hidden/forbidden relationship" is also detrimental not only to gay men and the mlm community, but to queer people as a whole. Queer people face huge trauma having to hide their relationships; queer attraction is already a societal taboo. And acting like this is good, or even desirable, is harmful to queer people as a whole, regardless of whether or not it's actually applicable to the people being shipped. It normalises this trauma not only to cisgender, heterosexual people, but to impressionable queer youth who grow to believe this type of trauma is to be expected.

3. Frank Iero and Gerard Way

This is another example where the perceived power imbalances between the two subjects of the shipping were directly exploited online. Now, this ship did precede the others mentioned above. If we're looking at this topic chronologically, this particular ship did come first in the shipping timeline. It's closer to the origin of the shipping extended universe, if you will.

In case you aren't familiar with them, Frank Iero and Gerard Way are both members of the American emo band My Chemical Romance. This ship is the first one here of which I don't recall the full popularity. It really peaked in popularity around the late 2000s, circa 2008. And I don't remember this moment online as in 2008, I was only 6 years old and believe it or not, I wasn't really all that concerned with rumoured homoeroticism as a first grader.

However, the popularity of this ship did carry over into the 2013-2015 Tumblr shipping boom. The emo fandom (or "bandom" as it was called) involving not only My Chemical Romance but other similar bands such as Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, and Pierce the Veil, found its hub on Tumblr.

During this time, I did in fact listen to this style of music, but was focused a lot more on the anime side of Tumblr as mentioned earlier. Of course, I wasn't 13 years old like, "hey, this type of content might be harmful and can inadvertently perpetuate homophobic stereotypes," I just happened to care more about my silly little anime and ended up not getting involved.

This ship does involve a discussion that the others don't, however. With Frank Iero and Gerard Way, there is quite often a certain sentiment of, "Oh, they brought this upon themselves!" as the two band members very famously kissed during a show in 2007. In my opinion, though, this doesn't really justify all the obsessive shipping. If you look at Green Day, a band often grouped in with MCR as another famous pop punk group, the members don't follow too different of a trajectory. Billie Joe Armstrong has, on numerous occasions, kissed both of his fellow band members onstage- particularly Tré Cool, the drummer. And Billie Joe Armstrong is openly bisexual, which none of the members of MCR seem to be but some, or even all of Billie's bandmates, are too.

You'd think Green Day would face a lot more shipping as the more persistent onstage homoeroticism and Billie Joe's openness about his sexuality would warrant more "substantiated" speculation. However, Green Day faces nowhere near as much shipping as My Chemical Romance. Why is this? I actually don't know. It might've been because Green Day has been around for over a decade longer and generally has an older fandom, but I really am not that sure.

It could also be because of the lower lack of potential for forced relationship dynamics. The members of Green Day are all less than a year apart in age and are even similar in height. However, Frank Iero is 4 years younger than Gerard Way, who is not only the frontman of My Chemical Romance, but also considered to be the group's intellectual and creative "leader". Even beyond that, Gerard Way is quite visibly taller, and the perceived power difference between the two of them definitely did not elude their fans.

This difference could even be partly due to the lack of a "mystery" with Green Day. There's not as much to speculate as, well… the members of Green Day are already open about their sexual orientations. It might be that shipping in the Green Day fandom has less of a forbidden appeal for most people.

Of course, I won't just keep repeating myself, but my previous points about forced relationship dynamics still stand.

4. Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch

Better known for their roles in BBC Sherlock as Sherlock and Watson, Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch unfortunately had their roles follow them well into real life. This is the example I know least about, so have these thoughts from a follower by the name of @indubitably-a-goblin, who had the following to say:

"the main issues i had with it were:

a) they were both married at the time, freeman to amanda abbington and cumberbatch to sophie hunter (in which both had children)

b) the main reasoning for it was their chemistry in the many projects they've done together. which is, shockingly, their Whole Job. They're actors! That's what they're supposed to do! if they weren't good at interacting then they wouldn't be good actors! i don't know how people can't understand this.

c) they're real people. we don't know them. we aren't friends with them. we aren't their family members. we have zero right to be pushing this onto them and ruining their friendship by doing so. (this one relates to most of the ships you've mentioned though)

d) healthy friendships between two men are ignored so plainly in most medias and in fandom. its obvious that these two men have a relationship, but that doesn't mean it's a romantic one.

e) its fine to ship their characters, but actors shouldn't be treated as less-than-human or some sort of prop. they're doing a job, and once they are off-screen, they aren't here for your entertainment."

I believe she did a great job of summing it up on her own, and for the sake of avoiding redundancy, I'll leave it at that!

5. Corpse Husband and Sykkuno- an emerging yet subtle example

I am absolutely positive you remember how popular the game Among Us was a couple of months ago. And with the popularity of this game, some of its most prominent content creators became the targets of online shipping- as is the case with YouTubers and streamers Corpse Husband and Sykkuno.

Although the shipping involving these two creators is nowhere near as strong as it was/is with the examples above, I do think there is once again a reemergence of a common theme here. Whilst Sykkuno is known for his happy-go-lucky, almost "innocent" persona, Corpse Husband is the antithesis of this, known for his much darker and moodier personality.

Do I even have to mention what the common theme seems to be?

Again, although the popularity of shipping - at least with real people - seems to have died down a bit since the Tumblr shipping boom of the early to mid 2010s, I do believe this example is worth mentioning. Even though the creators are still close, they have in fact expressed discomfort regarding the shipping, and I can only hope the internet as a whole lets their friendship blossom and exist naturally without obsessive speculation.

My final thoughts

As explored in the essay:

The romanticisation of objects of queer trauma as a part of online shipping normalises queer trauma to both cishet and queer youth.

Online shipping, especially at a high intensity, can end up negatively impacting the very relationships they pine over.

The relationship dynamics often forced on mlm ships perpetuate homophobic stereotypes about non-heterosexual men.

If anyone else has thoughts on this matter, do share! This essay is moreso an opinionated observational piece and isn't meant to be taken as fact but rather just as my thoughts on the matter. I hope it was useful as a reflective piece regardless!

Date of posting: June 16th 2021

#lgbt #lgbtq #gay #mlm #I cannot believe I said the phrase 'shipping extended universe'

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razorblade180 · 3 years

Text

Interdimensional Moms pt4

Part 3 here! <-

The tales had be interesting. The tales had even been emotionally gripping, yet all of them so far didn’t seem to register at the moment as Ruby’s teammates looked at her with the same excitement she used to give her own mother during story time. Ruby couldn’t help but give a little smile.

Ruby:I take it you’re ready for my turn? You do know it’s not exactly a sunshine and rainbows story, right?

Weiss:We figured as much, but....

Yang:You’re so different! From the moment you showed up I could just feel it in my gut. You have this...presence about you. Not to mention intsene confidence.

Blake:Yang is right. You said you beat your Salem when your seventeen. That’s...scary if I’m being honest. Such a drastic departure from any of our worlds.

Ruby:*red* Hehehe ummm I guess I’m just awesome? Really I don’t think it’s the most outstanding feat. At least by my worlds standards I suppose. I mean sure, I’m consider cream of the crop there too but there’s talented people and challenges all over that would put me through my paces still. I’m just...me.

Weiss:Sigh...honestly, I suppose that means our own skills must pale in comparison to our counterparts.

Ruby:Mmmm I wouldn’t say that for sure. My Yang would kill me if she heard this but there’s something about the one right here that has spark I dig.

Yang:Really?

Ruby:Uh huh. Can’t put my finger on it but I think you take her if you want it bad enough. As for Weiss....couldn’t tell ya. Haha, I know better than anybody to not underestimate the power of mother, and you pumped twins out.

Weiss:Not sure if those are pity points or real ones but thanks either way.

Blake:You don’t even have to tell me I’d lose. Just gave an entire story about me an my condition.

Ruby:Don’t feel too bad about it. I can’t imagine much reason for you two to fight for any reason. You’re both too reasonable to not reason with yourself.

Blake:Aw I’m touched.

Yang and Weiss:We aren’t....

Ruby:Hahaha I’m just saying! So, I guess I take things from the top like you all? From what I learned from all of you our Beacon experiences really are more or less the same, not counting certain interactions between a bookworm faunus and an adorkable blonde knight. Enrolled early, blew up the entrance, Weiss was rude, Yang ditched me, all the same beats.

Yang:There’s no super badass change like you beating Cinder the night of dance and making our entire lives easier?

Ruby:Ha! I wish I was that legit. No, I was very much the young girl tripping in heels that night. Vytal festival came around and was attacked, then Beacon fell. Pyrrha was lost and so was Penny. Difference being that was my last time seeing her, unlike Weiss’s story apparently.

Weiss:Yeah that...that’s a little bit of shock to be frank. Sorry.

Ruby:No worries. Not like you did anything and it was decades ago for me now. After that day is when I started to get a bit more serious I think. I had always taken being a huntress seriously and never slacked of in trying to live my dream. However, my perspective may have honed in on just how do or die life his when you’re the one choosing to walk into unknown danger. Team RNJR’s first and only mission, save the world!

Yang:Sub mission: Flirt with Jaune Arc.

Ruby:*blushing* We do not choose who we fall in love with it. But yes, that may have been a personal pseudo mission for me. He’s my first friend at Beacon for crying out loud and I you know.....thought he was cute then too.

WBY:Yeah that checks out.

Ruby:What does that mean!?

Weiss:Ruby, even my Ruby admits to finding Jaune attractive and having a crush on him back in the day.

Blake:Same.

Yang:I already went into enough detail on how my little sister feels about Jaune. Your just the reality where you pounced on the opportunity and never let go. Struck when the iron was hot and none of us were around; sly fox.

Ruby:Gee you make it sound underhanded. It isn’t like I intended to actively pursue him. Everyone was really sad and stressed traveling to Anima. There was a tension in the air. One that really strained us. I did my best to keep focus, but a leader is only as put together as team. Ren and Nora confided one another as usual and I tried being there for Jaune because seeing him emotionally shut down was rough; so I did my best to be there for him. Then...he ended up being there for me and I was the one who needed comfort. All the airing out and late nights just...led to....*red*

Blake: “Breaking the tension?”

Ruby:I guess that’s one way of putting it. We were lonely. I hid my feelings best I could under the veil of comfort in the moment. Not that needed to. He made it pretty clear that he wanted me in the same way I wanted him. I just the two of us were too scared to ask for promises we weren’t sure we could keep so we loved in the moments we could, so to speak.

Weiss:If it wasn’t under dire situations, all that sounds oddly romantic.

Ruby:Right!? Looking back at it makes the entire thing seem romantic but I definitely wouldn’t wish a similar experience on anybody! I guess it’s what I wished for when I fantasized huntress life huh? Things obviously got better along the way. Our relationship got a bit more serious right before we got to Haven. Then Tyrian and other crazy stuff happened that threw all of us into panic mode again before slowly getting better again by a lot.

Yang:We showed up?

Ruby:Bingo! You and Weiss, met Oscar, and then eventually Blake came back. Things were on the up and up.

Weiss:Uh, Haven attack?

Ruby:We lived, up and up. Yeah you got stabbed but you know...that’s not new I’m sure.

Weiss:Yeah I have the scar and I’m still little pissed.

Ruby:Valid. Anyways, so my Atlas experience was different as hell. There was no formation of Remnants armies like Weiss spoke of or even between two kingdoms like Blake. Yang, what happened yours again exactly?

Yang:Nonsense. Cinder showed up with lackeies but not Salem’s lackies. Those people showed up separately, then Adam came back from wherever the hell he- a lot! A lot of people showed up for different reasons but also the same reason and to be frank, we all almost got shot by the military for being in bases that quote unquote, “didn’t exist.”

Ruby:Man I wish we traded. That at least sounds crazy enough to be fun. Just a rollercoaster in the dark basically. My experience was probably as hectic, but also way more streamlined. We showed up, and then all hell broke loose. Specially a mass grimm invasion lead by Cinder and her annoying associates. We were there for about three weeks updating General Ironwood and getting our barrings together when it happened. I wanna call it a hit and run tactic but it was clearly planned in advanced. Mechs were hacked again, traitors in the military, grimm lying in wait before hand; it was chaos! All for the relic.

Blake:Who was the maiden?

Ruby:Never met her. By the time we got there, Ironwood was panicking because she had vanished, taken right from under his nose. It was some young girl apparently, really young. The attack on Beacon looked like child’s play to this. Mantle got attacked, grimm were on the chains, they tried dropping Atlas to the ground; all a diversion for a relic. We all should’ve died, and yet, we didn’t. Winter and Weiss weeded out traitors, huntsman and military held the line, Yang bested Hazel with Nora, Qrow and I cut down Tyrian! Ren, Blake and Jaune helped the kingdoms while Ironwood struck down Watts. Nobody was in the mood to die that day. There wasn’t gonna be another Beacon. By all means, we were pissed. Even Raven showed up of all people.

Yang:What!?

Ruby:You can’t attack a kingdom without the world knowing. Especially when traitors leak info. Honestly she came for you though, or she never left to begin with. Couldn’t tell ya. Thanks to Maria I had a bit more handling with my eyes. That helped a lot. Without them and Os-

She stopped herself, choking on the words. The zest and excitement of recalling the heroic feats of her friends dimmed slightly with her smile. Her joyful smile became bittersweet like the memory.

Ruby:Then there was Oscar, the real warrior on that flamed filled night. That battle had to have been three days at least. We were so driven, and so tired. I was tired, but Cinder, Neo, and the others with her at the time weren’t; always showing up at the worst time. I managed to push Cinder back in a fight but grimm and others still swarmed. We were at a point that grimm very well might’ve did us in and the villains didn’t have to push any harder. But Oscar changed that. Hehe, what’s it about country folk that makes people like him and I not hesitate to grit our teeth? That dork looked at me, gave me the biggest smile on the the steps to Atlas, and then he left. His hair went white as he twirled the cane and then he left, forever. Oz came out, and he left nothing to the imagination. “Limited magic” my butt. He obliterated grimm and made a barrier aroma Atlas while everyone else cleared Mantle long enough for the world to send reinforcements. Salem didn’t get the relic, but she got the maiden and thousands of casualties. Oscar being one of them. Also, Whitley....he was in critical condition for a very long time.

Weiss:What do you mean...critical condition?

Ruby:Everything happened so fast Weiss. Panic was high, buildings fell....a piece on him. I wasn’t there but when I eventually found you, you were nearly hysterical and banged up. By some miracle he lived even though we could not reach him and he did not get aid for awhile. We thought him dead. It was only after everything we learned somebody got him. Being rich never paid off more than with medical bills. Thanks to youth and medicine he can still walk, but he can only do so much before being tired. He also left Atlas. The cold hurts.

Weiss:So, I run the company because he can’t?

Ruby:I wouldn’t put it that way, but it was one of dozens of reasons that made that goal stronger for you. Relax though, both of you get plenty of time to be witty siblings like I told you earlier.

Weiss:I know. It’s just, I guess it’s hard imagining Whitley hurt like that. I don’t think I could handle it.

Ruby:You definitely teetered in the moment. Knowing that happened though probably gave you anger and grit to fight the entire battle. You were a beast. Scarier than Winter. Anyways, that hollow victory was a real wake up call for the world. They didn’t know about Salem and we never told society in earnest. Cinder and other conspirators were enough to make Remnant work together to boost defense. Relief went to places that needed it and I, became the face of hope. Haven, Argus, Atlas, even people from Vale got to chattering of a particular group of people who always seemed to answer the call for help. Then the towns in between chattered. Yours truly had been carving a name in the history books and was only gain popularity the moment I stepped into Vacou, alone.

Blake:Alone!?

Weiss:What!?

Yang:Where were we!!!!!?

Ruby looked at surprised faces around the table, smiling tenderly. She looked down her dress and pulled out the cross she wore around her neck. Her thumb traced its edges as her mind began wandering down an old path paved with emotions raw to the core.

Ruby:I’ve always felt different. Not just because of my eyes but that there was just...a certain spark that never stopped going off for as long as I remember. There are plenty of people who can’t bare to watch others suffer, but there are fewer people I believe that truly feel the agony of other people’s pain. Beacon, Haven, Atlas, Argus; there was no place I went that I didn’t see the faces of others lamenting, and I didn’t make me want to grieve. Atlas took so much out of all of you and I just felt so....driven to stop that ache. For everyone’s sake, but mine as well. I wanted the world to finally get to the happy ending. Enough trauma had be sowed for a hundred lifetimes, so I went on ahead of everyone. I never doubted you all would follow but I wanted to get ahead of the curve and take on as much of the suffering I could do others wouldn’t. If the world wouldn’t give me a miracle than I’d be it myself for everyone else.

Yang:That’s suicidal! Salem wanted you specifically!

Ruby:It’s not like I went marching up to her door and said “1v1 bitch, I’m here” no, I just chose to move forward quicker than what we were all doing. Believe me, all of you were upset when you caught up, after I had already saved Vacou. *smiles* I really like that place. I told the people it was the next target and all they did was double down on pushing back. I managed to pin down the Summer maiden before the villains and thanks with the city on alert, there wasn’t a shift in the sand that didn’t go unnoticed. I got the jump on Mercury and Emerald, personally paying them back. Can’t say I didn’t enjoy it. It didn’t take long before they realized how screwed they were with them being outed like this and Cinder having the nerve to retreat before hand. Both of them threw in the total, outing the plan against Vacou. A wipeout of a win. Not to mention they told me the location Salem’s little hiding hole.

Weiss:We missed all of that?

Ruby:That’s what happens when I leave in the dead of night and running on adrenaline. Like I said before, people were tired. As much as all of you wanted to hoof it, other’s were relying on you. Atlas almost dropped for gods sake. Eventually when you all caught up it was at a good time. Soloing was rewarding but difficult. Fortunately Sun, Neptune, Ilia, and a few other familiar faces were close by if I needed an extra set of hands. My little stunt earned the anger of everyone for awhile.

WBY:Yeah no shit...the leader left.

Ruby:Yang was the most upset, followed by Uncle Qrow, and you Weiss. I was ready for the blowback. Jaune and Nora saw me though and bursted into tears. Hehe, wasn’t ready for that. Felt terrible and cried back. To prevent that stunt again, my Yang convinced Raven to link me. A couple days of apologizing and rest smoothed things over. It also gave time for just a few close friends and colleagues to get together for an assault on Salem’s castle. A few were apprehensive about it at first but at the end of the day I was going. That attitude was infectious apparently. You guys, actually everybody, they started getting this hunger to end it all. Maybe it was the high of victory? Regardless, it sent me racing to the end with those that I loved most.

Yang:You’re a real “my way or the highway” kind of Ruby. I don’t get how that explains what made you so...elite.

Ruby:I’m not sure what to say. A fight needed to to fought so I fought it. A cry for help was heard so I ran to it. A grimm needed slaying so I slayed it. People needed me to win so I didn’t dare think of losing. Dying was never option, even when it stared me right into my eyes. I had things I wanted to do and people I wanted see for years to come. I guess...I am strong because of the fact I want things my way. A moment I’m not giving it 110% is a moment wasted. After all, a huntress is all I ever wanted to be.

A single dream she wanted since birth. The never ending desire to be the hero in stories told to her many nights ago. That’s all it ever was. That’s all it’s ever been. Even in meadow of beautiful red roses, one would be the rose that captured the eyes of many, that bloomed stronger than the rest. As simple as it was, that had to be the answer here. Weiss, Yang, and Blake were in front of that flower. The Ruby Rose that simply bloomed stronger than the rest. The one that clung to her dream as if letting go meant dying itself. The devotion was inspiring, yet also overwhelming. If this was Ruby they had lead them that day in the Emerald Forest, could they have kept up? Could she be the leader they followed? No, they couldn’t have. Something deep down inside them gave them that answer. No matter how she looked and how much she loved, this Ruby Rose was cut from a cloth they simply weren’t off. The same as others, but oh so different.

Weiss:You’re....kinda a monster, you know that right?

Yang:Seriously, I’m so...floored. It’s intimidating.

Blake:Not to mention humbling. I used to think I gave it all I had. Now I’m not so sure.

Ruby:Oh don’t be like that you three! You’re all living proof there was more than way to go about life, this war! Everything you gave was enough because you’re done with it! Nobody failed. Besides, I...am far from ideal. The assault was challenging. Getting around hoards of grimm and making it to Salem was hell made real. Neo tried taking another shot at me but Yang held her off with help. Everyone pushed the obstacles in front of me out of the way as I went to Salem herself. Cinder had been abandoned by her and stripped of a lot of her powers. Angry and desperate, she tried killing me again as a way to prove worth. I beat her. However, I let her walk away.

Yang:What!? Why would-

Ruby:Naive, I was...naive okay? She was all spent and though I hated her, I just couldn’t. Not when I looked into her eyes and saw that same hunger I had to claw and scream at my dream until it was in my hands die inside her. We both knew from this point on there was absolutely nothing she could do where this ends her way. All she worked for turned burned to ash. So I gave her the choice to not burn up with it. Cinder swallow her pride and then fled. A part of me couldn’t help but rationalize killing her didn’t solve or justify any of my beliefs or desires. It would’ve done it because I hated her like she hated me. That was the dumb logic of a seventeen year old who never quite learned to take things slow.

Blake:....I don’t think it’s dumb. Naive for sure, but maybe that’s good? Even my Ruby, she never wanted to act on hate. She didn’t. Salem lives.

Weiss:Mine sent her soul to be at piece instead of passing a cruel judgment.

Yang:As a person who’s seen what you looked like with nothing but vengeance inside, I can say it doesn’t fit you. Before that day you had a warmth inside you to even foes that were somewhat admirable. You chose to leave Cinder’s fate up to those who had that hate and Salem was undone by her own doing at the very end. That’s what really makes you special Ruby. That’s why you’re called an honest soul. Good will is your nature.

Ruby:....Hmm, you sure know how to butter me up. *scratches head* I guess that part of me is uni-I mean multiversal. Strangely, that makes me feel better, to a degree.

Weiss:Do we even have to ask what happened to Salem at this point? I doubt the story ends with you loosing and having to retreat.

Ruby:Who’s to say it doesn’t? I could’ve been beaten to death before the gods themselves descended down to revive me with awesome power.

Yang:....Did you?

Ruby:Wh-No! Haha, I made her an immortal statue.

Blake:I-It was that easy?

Ruby:Well I wouldn’t call rushing into hell’s castle easy, or Salem. I lit her up at least a dozen times. My head pounded from each use, I was tossed around a bunch, magic is annoying, and not to mention running out of ammo. I left nothing to the imagination in that fight. If it were easy then I wouldn’t be rooting my horn and my age doing it. I was so tired I blacked out afterwards. I woke days later with a sore body and the title of “Remnant’s Savior.” Apparently beating Salem had weakened the grimm everywhere and all of you made sure who was to be thanked for it. That’s the tale of how I saved the world with my friends. Love, trust, elbow grease, and a lot of bullets. Before the final battle, Ozpin had struck a deal with everyone involved. In return for saving the world, he’d cut ties with us.

Yang:Seriously? What brought that about!?

Ruby:Good or not, he lied and was a schemer. Sure I was gonna try to save the world regardless of his interference but there wasn’t a person alive that didn’t to finally take a step towards the future after all this. All of us finally had time chase dreams and help the world the way we wanted to before all of this. Blake begin mending hate, Weiss took back her company, if Yang wasn’t with Blake then she was seeking more answers to Raven on wild adventures.

Yang:You mean Raven still left after all that!?

Ruby:In her defense, both of you made everything fucking awkward when she was around. It’s like you both wanted to talk about something but knew any subject was a land mine so you all you ever did was...stare, like weirdos. Glad that’s in the past. She just lives with dad now and you two now to hold a conversation. I dare not ask for more. I’d be a granny by the time I did.

Yang:Sigh...I don’t know what I expected. Shit it the fan several times and children were born before mom and I found solidarity and understanding. What did you do afterwards? Your goal was already met.

Ruby:Like hell it was! I started busting my butt traveling around the world, visiting every place to help in anyways I could. Ren and Nora tagged along for awhile before going off to make an orphanage in Anima near Ren’s old village. That left Jaune and I to do our hero thing.

Yang:As well as other things....

Ruby:Hey, what can I say? We were young and going up in the world. By the time I was nineteen, I was now a married to my partner and best friend.

Weiss:Uhhhh-

Ruby:He’s my partner on RNJR and you’re my BFF, gosh did I really need to explain that hehe?

Weiss:I just had to make sure. Crazier twists could happen.

Blake:Wow you married young. Not that there’s a problem but I’m surprised. Then again you also dated earlier than my Ruby. Hehe, weapons were on her brain for a long time.

Weiss:No kidding. When I learned about you crushing on my brother I was shocked to find out you liked anybody in general. Especially a person who isn’t a weapon nut in the slightest.

Ruby:*shrugs* All you’re telling me is I’m clearly the most impatient or impulsive Ruby you all know. Don’t know how that happened. Maybe I was dropped as a baby or had one too many coffees growing up?

Weiss:I’m willing to bet it’s both.

Ruby:Ruuuuude. So yeah, that’s...the story of how I saved the world and married Jaune. We even built a home just outside Vacou, overlooking the kingdom and neighboring town in the distance where Maria grew up. Yeah, that’s me....more or less. All the triumphant parts anyways. Anything later on is......

.......

Blake:R...Ruby? You okay?

Ruby:Nope, not really. *clenches cross*

Yang:......You know, I never really got religion, especially after learning the truth. It just seemed completely hollow when you learn of the real gods, ya know? However, I changed my tune a bit after being a parent and then some more when uncle Qrow died. It was never really about the truth behind if those other gods were real-

Ruby:It’s the piece of mind in believing in a better place for loved ones and having people watch over you. It’s truly based on blind faith in every sense but that’s okay as long as it gives peace of mind, to stay strong. Yeah....that’s why I wear this.

Yang:If that’s the “why” then I guess the unavoidable question is what happened?

The reaper leaned back in his chair, letting out a long sigh. Ruby brushed her hair out of her face while her face went pale. Then, Ruby’s eyes, her teammates watched a pair of stunning silver eyes dim, becoming akin to a clouded mirror.

Ruby:Being a huntress was all I wanted. The plan of having a family and settling down never appealed to me much. I feel, I felt like being in the field was where I was meant to be. It’s where I was most myself in a way. So the day I learned that I was pregnant was more than a little upsetting and terrifying, until dad and time itself filled me with the most genuine joy I may have ever experienced. Dustin Arc Rose, my first born son. He opened a door to a world and life I never knew I wanted to be apart of. Then...that door was shut minutes after, when Cinder and Neo stole him right from my arms. I couldn’t do a single thing about it other than blackout. That single act of good will I showed, it did nothing but kill me inside. The same way I did to her.

WB:.....

Yang:Ru-Ruby....your eyes.

Ruby:Hmm? Are they clouded? Funny, I would’ve thought your Ruby would’ve had a similar change. Maybe that’s a world exclusive thing, or a testament to the will you Ruby has to endure. Clouded eyes on a silver eyed warrior means the person has lost the desire or rather the mindset of persevering life. Be it their own life or wanting to end another’s life out of resentment, strife. My entire world fell apart when I woke up and learned nobody was able to retrieve Dustin. I was in pieces, Jaune was broken, nobody was the same. There wasn’t a soul we didn’t know that hadn’t tried to find a lead, but we never did. He was just...gone; and I couldn’t cope at all.

Weiss:I don’t think any mother could. Ruby, I’m so sorry that happened to you.

Ruby:I’m sorry too. I lashed out in anger, and shut people out. My eyes clouded and I dove into my work for a little over a year doing nothing but searching aimlessly as I took and every job back to back. The more time went by meant the more people eventually had to go back to their own, and it drove me up a wall inside. No one could reach me. I didn’t want anybody to. Not even Jaune. I....*teary eyed* I left him alone in house. There was no part of me that could even attempt to understand his pain because I was drowning in mine. I was told he tried his best to catch them at the hospital. I never hated him for not succeeding but I...he... I just, I can’t. I don’t know what I thought. All o knew was I didn’t even want him to touch me. How cruel is that? *hugging herself* I made him drown in despair in the same way I was. I wasn’t home so often that I never realized he eventually left it abandoned to live with dad. Yang and Blake I didn’t even show up to your wedding. Jaune did that much. Hell, Raven attended. Ruby Rose as a person didn’t exist any more. I was only a wandering huntress looking for answers or the challenge that might’ve ended me.

Blake:What changed?

Ruby:Oz, he did what nobody else dared to do. He fought me. I don’t think he thought twice about it. He was prepared to accept all the anger I kept inside until I eventually broke down into tears like I’m trying not to do right now. Thinking about that time is still, extremely difficult. Oz let me lament, encouraging me afterwards to finally except the fact Dustin was gone and that I needed to process it properly. First I went to you Yang, in order to have a my big sis to lean on. Can you guess how that went?

Yang:With me holding you tighter than I ever had before.

Ruby:*smiles gently* I don’t deserve you. You and Blake then came to patch with me where everyone else waited for me and helped me face Jaune. That may have been the hardest thing I’ve done. Grieving or not, the fact that I left him in such a state. I know what that does to people firsthand and yet I left. For the first time in over a year we embraced and finally grieved together. The next two years were spent trying to heal and cope. During my time away the world had fully acknowledged me. I even got a proper nickname, but it all felt hollow. Imagine that, achieving your dream but not caring? If that’s not salt in a wound then I don’t know what is.

Weiss:What’s your title?

Ruby:I am the person people want to see when evil comes to cut their story short. I am a symbol that their tale still has more to tell. Remnant has named me The Storyteller. Curtsey of Maria, who spread the name around. Healing was slow and most nights I felt a pain in my heart, but then everything changed. One moment made me dare to try again to open that shut door in my life. *looks at Yang* I held your son in my arms. Sweet little Kovu.

Blake:*smiles* Kovu? Now I wonder who named him?

Yang:*red* Huh...how about that? Hehehe, wish I could meet him. I know he isn’t technically mine but I can’t help but feel all warm now. Also I can’t believe I named him that!

Weiss:I can. Veronica’s middle name is Nala.

Yang:Okay, maybe not marrying Blake was a win? Clearly I can’t be trusted to not name my children after other cats.

Blake:The wrong kind of cat too. I’m a panther faunus, not a lion. Even if they’re blonde that’s still false advertising of what they are.

Ruby:Well Yang was the one giving birth so you lost a majority of the option to complain.

Blake:That is fair.

Weiss:You gave birth to Vee, so I think that solves who picked her first name.

Ruby rested her head in her propped up hands that rested on the table. She felt exhausted reliving that chapter of her life mentally. Still she managed to smile, then smile bigger. Her eyes unclouded and a warm feeling filling her again. What Ruby said earlier about what made her different may have reign true, but her friends could since that there was now more to it. Ruby had spiraled into an unimaginable tragedy, yet was able to bounce back thanks to loved ones. To smile as she does, it was truly a strong sight to see. Even if she wasn’t fully aware of that.

Ruby:Carmine Arc Rose, my second born and the first child to call me mommy. Followed many years later by itty bitty Garnet. He’s my little man, five years old while is big sis is seventeen now.

Yang:Damn! That’s a gap. Oh, also congratulations. Almost forgot that part. I’m glad you got to be the super awesome mom that-

Ruby:I am easily C-teir.

Yang:Oh come on! What!?

Ruby:Listen, I know I got on you all for calling yourselves bad parents, but I will hear no debate about me understand!? I flop a lot of times.

Weiss:That doesn’t make you a C-teir. That makes you a new mom, silly.

Ruby:*grumbling* I agree to disagree but thank you. It’s just a lot okay. Too much to dive into honestly.

Blake:Summarize. Give us an abbreviated version.

Ruby:Ummm so Carmine is real special kid. The absolute love I have for her is unbreakable but gods damnit if she isn’t the most... “me” I could be! In a way similar yet different from myself, Carmine has always had this sense of urgency in her and a love for the world around her. She recognizes that it’s a fragile piece we have and just how hard I’ve worked with everyone to make it. I could tell that from her when she was five. I’d sound crazy, but the fact she used her eyes at the age proves I’m not.

Yang:She has silver eyes!? Why didn’t you bring that up?

Ruby:I thought that was obvious. All of my kids were born with then. Unlike her baby brother though, Carmine was a weird little kid. She didn’t socialize well. Still doesn’t, she’s kinda comes off rude and cold because of her bluntness. She doesn’t really express all her feelings or understand others fully. One might call her a little cold but the passion she had to protect life itself is a testament to how much she cares. Carmine is also a genius fighter. To put in perspective, people use the same nickname for her that they used for Pyrrha.

WBY:Oh....

Ruby:Yeah! It’s not hyperbolic to say ever since Carmine is far beyond any skill I was at her age since she turned thirteen. You called me a monster earlier but no, I merely gave birth to a beast. I mean she could pass the huntsman exam at fifteen if I didn’t make her wait. I can’t call her arrogant, she talks with confidence because she has that right by all means. Still, besides her face, that’s where the similarities start separating; besides terrible grades in general stuff. We’ve never been in step completely. To put simply in her own words, “What I am is a hero, while she is a huntress.” That good will and mercy I try to give everyone isn’t how she rolls. It drives a real wedge that has resulted in us not going on missions together.

Blake:Is she...killing?

Ruby:She has before, and it had valid reasons entirely, but I also know for a fact she is more than capable of bringing down people without taking that step. Not all cases are that intense thank goodness. Her overall aggressiveness is the root of the problem. You don’t have to put you back into it when handling thugs. They aren’t Hazel.

Yang:Ooo okay, yeah I’m seeing what you mean now. It’s like that one comic you always read!

Ruby:Sigh...yeah she channels a bit of Batman energy and I need her to not do that all the time. I suppose being an honest soul isn’t particularly hereditary. It always feels like we aren’t enjoying each other’s company these days. I can’t blame her though. So....you know how all of you have had one serious problem that has both destabilized yourself as well as the kids and their relationship to you? *clouded eyes*

Weiss:Wait...you loosing a child wasn’t that?

Ruby:Oh it was. It just so happened that it never ended. It grew day by day. Night by night. Jaune and I were cautious with Carmine. Going as far to give her contacts and giving birth to her off the record and not at a hospital. Just in case Cinder came back. Well, Cinder and Neo came back, with my Dustin.

Nobody said anything. What do you even say to that!? All they did was let out a stifled breath and tried to gauge Ruby’s look of guilt.

Ruby:Yet again we had gotten too comfortable. It happened when Carmine was thirteen. I don’t think Garnet was even one yet. That’s when the cruelest realization hit me. My son had been alive and hearing about how his so called mother being a person who saves everyone, yet she never came for him. She had moved on, letting his eyes become clouded with such seething hate for the world she did save; the children she had after. It’s been four years since the day he attacked Carmine and helped grimm try to invade Vacou. To this day it’s been a life of staying on gaurd, searching for them as they popped up countless places to tear Remna- to tear me down and I can’t decide what part hurts the most. The amount of anger that prevents me from killing Cinder in a blink of an eye, or looking at my daughter who has told me herself that she is going to kill her older brother because I’m too weak to do so. That I’m in no way as good as the world believes me to be. *puts hood up* Like I said, C-teir mom, at best.

Blake:That’s- you can’t- there’s no way for you to reach him? Maybe if you-

Ruby:He looks at me the same way Neo and Cinder do, Blake. They raised him to hate me. Besides, he hurt Carmine. She’s just not gonna let that slide and frankly I shouldn’t either. Carmine acts tough and for the most part is, but gets terrified like everyone else. In many ways she’s still just a young girl that I wish had never chosen to become a huntress. If I had it my way she’d just be a normal girl with normal knees; but her mother’s weakness and inexperience wrapped her up in yet another war. It’s ironic. I barely remember mom and yet I ended up putting my family in very similar situation as if she lead instruction. Happy endings, I’m not sure if I get-

Yang:You’re better than mom....

Ruby:......

Yang:Yeah I said. Look I love Summer Rose but at the end of the day she wasn’t around, not that she didn’t want to be, but it’s the truth. Several years of pleasant childhood memories and a lifetime of grief is what she left me, and all you got were tales you should’ve experienced first hand. Ruby you have spent seventeen years loving your daughter unconditionally and being there for her no matter if it’s for better or worse. Yeah you might not being doing it perfectly and I have no idea how to even fathom your predicament, but at least you are there trying. Take it from me, that’s all a daughter ever wants from their mother. It’s also what makes a pretty kick ass dad. *smiles* Chin up, hero. Your story isn’t over yet after all.

Silence filled the air and Ruby’s throat ran dry. Ruby pulled out her scroll to go to her pictures and displayed one of her favorite photos for everyone to see. It was Carmine’s fifteenth birthday. Ruby didn’t lie about the resemblance. the girl had short blonde hair that stopped halfway down her neck in the back and was longer in the front, reaching shoulders. Like her mother, the tips of her hair transitioned to red. The beautiful young woman tried to her hide her smile but her gleeful silver eyes were practically twinkling with joy as Ruby hugged her tightly from behind and a tall, more solid version of Jaune was smushing one of Carmine’s cheeks with an overly dramatic kiss to it. A tiny child no older than three at most was in his big sister’s arms. Garnet had his mother’s hair and eyes but something about the chubby face definitely showed Jaune’s features. The child had red frosting on his face and was reaching eagerly for more cake somewhere out of frame.

Yang noticed the girl took page from her father and wore some regular cargo shorts, but clearly didn’t lack flair by wearing a red crop top that showed off a fresh tattoo of the Arc crest on her toroso. Knowing her sister, that tattoo was most likely practical. The family looked happy, proud; and the mother of it currently sat across the table crying with her head face down in her hands cwhile Weiss and Blake hugged her from each side. Roses may have thorns, anyone who knew roses knew a simple truth. They’re still fragile flowers.

Yang:(Carmine Arc Rose. For you and your mother’s sake, I hope things go well)

xxxx

Though Carmine seemed cold by nature, people were quick learn the opposite. The most recent learner of this was a scared little girl that held on for dear life. It was nighttime, nothing but the sound of pouring rain and the distant glow of red and the warmth of Carmine holding the girl against her body while she sprinted through a mud ridden forest. The little payed no attention to the pain in her side, but the glow of roses, eyes, and flames through her tear filled eyes.

Beowulves chased frantically but then severed immediately by something the girl couldn’t understand, but it looked like the person carrying her. The dead beasts brought no comfort. Not when more followed close behind.

Girl:I-I’m sc...scared!

Carmine:Don’t look at them sweetie, it’ll be fine. Just keep being a brave little girl.

Girl:M...Mommy was back there.

Carmine:.....I know, she’ll be just fine. Your village, there are plenty of people there that will be just fine! Huff..... You got a name?

Mary:Mary.....

Carmine:Oh that’s a beautiful name, Mary. You know I was almost a Mary? Yeah my grandma was a really amazing person and I almost got named something similar to her. Mary is a very strong name!

Mary:You’re a liar! I’m sad, not strong. I want my mommy! Everything his dark and hurts and I want her!

The girl began painfully crying as Carmine followed her trail of roses to avoid getting lost. Things were getting worse. The storm raged and she could feel this girl burning in her arms. Not to mention the unsettling warmth the mixed with the cold rain against her body and dripped to puddles below. Any grimm near by could only be dealt with by many copies of her nearby, but that would only go so far when fear was out full force. Carmine’s boots felt like cement, but she still ran.

Carmine:Mary, you know what do when I miss my mommy? I sing! Yeah, my mom sings the best lullabies that made me feel super strong when I was little! It’s a magic song that makes everyone strong. How about I sing it you and they can sing it your mommy later okay!? But you have to close your eyes to really focus on the words!

Mary:*sniffling* Okay....

Baby deathstalkers swarmed the path made ahead as small Nevermores dove at her. Out of options, Carmine broke from the path, trying to rely on memory to go towards the safe zone while also singing lyrics to her favorite song.

Dream of anything; I'll make it all come true.

Everything you need is all I'll have for you~

Carmine never wavered. No matter how badly her lungs her or nearly slipped, she kept singing all the way to her destination where several other clones were seen racing towards with more civilians to injured or young to go themselves. An orphanage where Nora and Ren stood outside rushing people in while Jaune was keeping the grimm at bay. The sight brought a little ease.

Don't worry, I've got you; nothing will ever harm you.

I'm close by, I'll stay here; through all things, I will be near~

Carmine finally reached Nora and passed off the girl who’s grip weakened overtime. A few lyrics in and Carmine knew she was singing mainly for herself.

Carmine:Get her medical attention! I’m gonna go and find more! There’s still-

Jaune:Wait, it’s too dangerous!

Carmine:I know! That’s why I have to go! That fire is spreading and there’s stragglers pinned down! Dad.....I’m pinned down!

Jaune tensed up and looked at Carmine. No scraps on her and her clothes only soiled by others. It didn’t take long to realize. The man resisted the urge to run out to the ruined town and stood firmly.

Jaune:Carmine...end it. We’ll worry about the consequences later.

Carmine:....Okay.

Across the woods amongst the flames the real Carmine stood bleeding and bruised in front of two Beringel that charged over the vanishing corpses of their fallen with more grimm, her sword stabbed into the ground supporting her weight. Behind all living people that remained finally managed to flee. All except for a woman trapped by house debris. The woman watched this young huntsman stand proudly again. She wasn’t sure what happened next. All she heard was one sentence.

“Close your eyes...” before everything went white. Next thing she knew, Carmine was lifting debris off her as rain and wind washed away any evidence. A relief she didn’t care about in the slightest. She neither had the strength, or the time too. Much like Carmine, who began to pant and teeter. It was clear to the woman that whatever just happened didn’t come without cost as she watched the girl fall to her knees. Though she tried moving, Carmine was spent.

Carmine:Don’t worry...we’re safe....let’s-

Woman:Go...

Carmine:Huh?

Woman:I...my legs. Everything...I can’t move. Just go. I d-don’t think I’d las-

Carmine:Don’t talk like that! The hard parts over! I can-

Woman:Barely walk. *smiles* It’s okay. I don’t blame you. You fought hard.

Carmine:.....I...I’m sorry. *teary eyed*

Woman:Say, I know that face anywhere. Your Lady Rose’s kid. Funny, I thought your eyes were red? My daughter, Mary, she loves your mother. Makes me kinda jealous hehe, but hey I love her too. *crying* Do you know if Mary made it? She was wearing-

Carmine:A black dress, pink ribbons in her hair...

Woman:Yes! Is she safe? I saw you- one of you carry her off.

Carmine:...She’s just fine.

Woman:Good. That’s all....that.....

The woman never finished her sentence. Carmine’s body fell limp on the ground, facing the rain. Even with the cold downpour she could feel the warmth of her own tears, containing her emotions best she could as she looked through her clones eyes to watch Nora take Mary away from the survivors and out of sight to not stir further panic.

Carmine wasn’t sure how long she layed there, but it was long enough for Jaune to find her. The man didn’t say a word. The town was in shambles. Grimm were still fading and his daughter looked tired, but not in serious condition. Unlike the those who didn’t make it. Jaune put Carmine in his arms, carrying her away to safety.

Carmine:......Does mom ever save them all?

Jaune:No, but that never stops her from trying; or mourning.

She clenched her father’s shirt and let herself be fragile, to be a Rose.

Carmine:Next time. Mom and I, we’ll both get it right next time. A happy ending for all!

Jaune:Yeah, I know you will. Together....

#rwby #rwby au #the void #jaune arc #ruby rose #weiss schnee #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #carmine arc rose #rwby rosebud #rwby lancaster

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starlightshadowsworld · 3 years

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A Wolf's Pack

(Or Jason wants a family so bad he forgot the one he already has.)

@derpy-grackson

@incorrectjercyquotes

@perseusjackson-jasongrace

You know how Annabeth had the whole mission from her mum, go get the Athena Parthenos. A mission that would prove herself to her mum, or at least so she'd hoped.

Imagine if we had this for Jason. He's finally healing, finally opening himself up to the others and bonding with Percy albeit very slowly and it's pretty awkward.

And this boy who has never met his father, but spent his entire life trying to live up to his name. This boy is one day informed not by his father but another deitie about a mission Jupiter has for him.

Imagine Jason putting everything he has into his mission, so much so he's pushing away others. It takes over his life, consumes him because finally he'll have done is father proud.

And everyone's trying to help him but he won't take it. He leaves in the dead of the night and by some miracle there able to find him.

"Jason...you need to stop this." Says Reyna, she's the first to find him and stop him in his tracks. Around them, the rest of the 7, Nico and Thalia surround the clearing. Jason frowns "what are you all doing here... I believe I made it perfectly clear I was going alone."

"Yeah, no you're not. Jason this quest is far too dangerous for you to go on alone." Says Annabeth, getting straight to the point. "It's not as difficult as getting the long lost Athena Parthenos" He replies, she wants to say something but words fail her. Jason's mad that out of everyone he has to explain himself to her when Annabeth should understand.

"Jason, you've planning this thing for months in secret... You've been missing out on training and I can't remember the last time we hung out. If you go out there, you're not going to just look dead on your feet." Said Leo, seriously and worriedly. Jason had been hiding away from them for months, he'd only seen him a handful of times. "I'm sorry Leo but this is more important, my father has given his orders and I will fulfill them."

"We're not saying you shouldn't, ain't no one wanting to deal with your dad when he's mad but Jase you need to rest before you do something as crazy as this. Your his son you attract that many monsters and as great as you are man you can't fight them alone, let us come with you." Said Percy, softly and calmly like rain after a storm.

It was tempting.

But he couldn't.

"No... I must do this alone, and if rather leave now, so get out of my way." Is what Jason said instead, he was antsy and exhausted but he didn't care. He had to do this, had to do it now.

"Jason, breathe" came Piper's soft voice. Jason hadn't realised it but he was shaking. He looked into her bright multicoloured eyes and gave a big heaving breathe. Frank came forward "Jason, I've asked for your council on many occasions but this time I need you to listen to mine... You are not ready for this mission right now, you need to sleep and than assemble a team to join you. I don't want to pull rank on you but..."

Despite the situation, Jason felt pride well up inside of him. But was bought back to the matter at hand and shook his head firmly "I'm sorry Praetor but even you can't disobey the will of the God's. And this quest means far to much for me to be stopped by you..."

"Why tho..."

Jason blinked turning to Thalia who was standing there, frowning with her arms crossed. "Why are you actually breaking yourself apart just to do a quest for dear old dad?"

It was a sentence so simple and innocent but for Jason it filled him with rage. Sparks danced across his body and the air became thicker, the wind whirled around him, seperating him from the rest. "Why?! Because he's my Father! Because he's asking me, his son to complete a quest for him. Because it's the first time I've ever been adressed by him as his son other than my claiming... And when I do this quest...he'll be proud of me. He'll recognise me as his son, and everything will have been worth it."

"What do you mean...?" Asked Piper, not even needing charmspeak at this moment.

"Being taken from my mother, my sister... Being raised by Lupa and dumped into a camp at 3 years old and spending every waking moment being told I'm not good enough to be Jupiter's son... But now, it'll all be worth it...I'll fulfill my purpose. As his s-.. "

"As his soilder" Said Nico, he didn't want to say it but he had too. The path Jason was on was a dangerous one and he'd be dammed if he let him walk it. The rest were reeling, their hearts going out to their friend... So this was what this was all about.

Jason froze, the wind vanishing instantly. "No" He said as Thalia shook her head and walked towards him. "What? Would you rather we said tool?" Jason backed away as she came forward until his back hit a tree. Thalia grabbed his shoulders "Jason... Everything he did to you wasn't out of love. It wasn't out of protection or anything noble, it was to make you a tool. A machine, something he could control and fight for him like any other soilder. This quest seals that, he could've asked any other demigod and it would've been of no difference to him." She said gravely.

It was something all demigods learned, but for Jason to be holding onto this false hope for 16 years... It was cruel.

"No... You're wrong..." And that plea of her little brother looking up at her with his big blue eyes, begging her to tell him otherwise. That all the suffering in his life was because his father loved him... That broke her heart.

The tears came shortly after, sobbing for the life he'd lost and the life he had. Everyone gathered walked towards him and Jason Grace, blonde Superman himself , the friend they'd all fought for and had grown to love and care for.

He cried in the arms of his family, mourning the one he never had and the life time of loneliness he'd endured all for the hope that one day, one day his father would acknowledge him... Would love him.

But when Jason woke up the following morning, he'd never felt more loved in his life.

#jason grace #percy jackson #reyna avila ramirez arellano #thalia grace #nico di angelo #annabeth chase #piper mclean #frank zhang #leo valdez #hazel levesque #Angst #angst with happy ending #Jason needs a hug #jason grace appreciation squad

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jamieatthebarricade · 3 years

Text

Maids to Wives / Chapter 5

In 1619, one hundred and forty-four English women from good families crossed the Atlantic in response to the Virginia Company of London’s call for maids “young and corrupt” to make wives for the planters of it’s new colony in Virginia. One in six of the maids could even claim gentry status. Although promised a free choice of husband, they were in effect being traded into marriage for a bride price of 150 pounds of best leaf tobacco, the profits to flow to individual investors

In 1619, Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp made the voyage to do one thing: marry a man she’s never met. But when she arrives, she comes to the startling realization that her heart belongs to someone else, a certain James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser.

Chapter 5/? : A Known Stranger

Previous Chapters : 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

Find Maids to Wives on Archive of Our Own!

May 22nd, 1619, Claire’s POV

“Dear diary,

As time passes by here, I find myself enjoying life here more and more. I’ve been less than a week, and since arriving I’ve made a goal for myself to discover something new everyday. Whether it’s a new tree I didn’t notice before or a currant in the river. Yesterday I discovered a field of wildflowers a little aways of me and Frank’s house. I hope to go back there one of these days, maybe take Frank there and have lunch.

Frank and I haven’t had too much time to converse with each other, aside from small pillow talk at night. I ask about his day and he asks about mine. Usually he’s away during the day, in town with peers or overseeing the farms. I suppose I had an unrealistic romantic idea of marriage, that we’d be with each other more.

That’s not to say I mind. Being able to think by myself is a privilege I’m happy to keep. This whole experience has been incredibly overwhelming, so not feeling smothered by my husband is somewhat of a plus, although I’m smothered by a different thought.

The man at the docks. His red hair. His tall statue that stood over everyone else. Since last seeing him I couldn’t stop thinking of him, and guiltily I don’t think I mind. The feelings I have for him aren’t like anything I experienced before. It’s the type of attraction you read about, but never live through. He was this erotic thought in the back of my mind I could pull out whenever I wanted to escape. He was the forbidden fruit, and I wanted nothing more than a taste.

I need to stop myself. As pleasant as those thoughts were, I had a husband. A good husband who was kind and gentle, and who provided graciously for me. I had a roof over my head, and all the free time to frolic and read. I’d been doing better than many of the other women, from what I had observed. Mary was the only other one who seemed happy to be married.

I am seeing Geillis tomorrow, so I’ll ask her then. Although, I can guess her answer. From what she told me of her dream man, her current husband didn’t fit the description. He was old, bald, and fat. From what I observed from far away, she always pulled back when he kissed her. It made me fortunate to have Frank.

I suppose I should stop for tonight. Frank will be home soon, and still have our bed to make. Thank you for letting me release my thoughts.

Love, Claire”

------------

May 23nd, 1619, Claire’s POV

“What are your plans for the day?” For the first time in weeks, Me and Frank were able to sit down together for breakfast. I had opted to prepare a simple meal of bread and milk, as I still had yet to learn to integrate recipes for my husband. I made a mental note to myself to start that.

“I’m visiting Geillis, my friend from the ship” Frank just smiled and sipped his milk, gazing between me and his food. I found his look charming, and I was happy to receive it. He looked at me with a nurture that was warm and inviting, that said ‘I’ll protect you,’

As he looked at me, I took the opportunity to look at him. Everytime we interacted, it seemed like I was noticing more about his features. His face was quite square, and he had these lines along his cheeks that trailed from the bottom of his jaw, and which became more defined when he smiled (thankfully, he did that a lot). He was balding slightly, but I suspected he’d be one of those men who balded nicely. He had a nice face, and I smiled to myself as I looked at him.

Suddenly the door opened, and Frank’s lesser twin came in. I hadn’t seen Jonathan for a while, as he usually kept to himself for the most part. Sometimes I saw him when I went out for a walk, but I always tried to avoid him. There was something about him that caused me to move away from his presence. It was strange, even though him and Frank looked the same, I knew deep down they weren’t the same person at all.

Frank was annoyed at his brother’s outwardly intrusion, and made no effort to hide it. “What can I do for you?” although the question wasn’t ill-spirited, the annoyed tone of his voice gave away his true feelings.

“There’s a shipment down at the docks. We need to help unload,” Jonathan returned with the same annoyed energy, and I saw the sibling tension between them. Growing up an only child, I’d always wanted a sibling of my own. Living with Jonathan and Frank rid myself of that dream.

Frank turned to me, giving a small smile. “I’m sorry our breakfast had to be cut short, we should try doing this more,” He smiled, and leaned in for a kiss. I happily returned it, and we shared a short peck before he was out the door. I hadn’t even noticed Jonathan was still in the room before I heard his voice,

“Goodbye Claire,” He said. I hated his voice so much, because it sounded so much like Frank. If any part of them shared likeness, it was their voices. Though, Jonathan’s always sounded like it was laced with something. Villainy? That’s what I suspected.

I gave him a short nod, and thankfully he was out the door. I let out the breath I didn’t know I was keeping in, and looked around the small room. Me and Frank’s half eaten breakfast, a small table with 3 chairs, and a hearth. It was quaint, but it was home.

‘I should meet Geillis,’ I told myself, taking off my apron and looking at myself in the window. My hair was pulled up, and I was hesitant to change it as my hair tended to be untamed down. It wasn’t like I was meeting the queen or anything, I kept it the way it was.

The walk to town was longer than I was expecting. I’d only ever ridden on horseback, but figured today was a good day to take a scenic route. It was sunny, and quite warm. Some of the wildflowers I passed were blooming, and birds filled the sky and sound with their presence. Everything was peaceful until it wasn’t.

It was like a dark cloud came over everything, and the perfect day turned to something worse. Behind me, I heard the rustling of bushes, and slowly the movement of feet. I didn’t even notice my own starting to pick up the pace. A part of me wanted to keep walking. I’d be to town eventually, it wasn’t too far away. I heard the footsteps getting closer and my other thought was to turn around and fight whoever this demon was.

I chose that option, turning around and screaming, at the same time punching whoever was my chaser one. The person fell to the group, clutching his nose in his hand. It was an old man, with a bushy beard and a smell of alcohol that filled my senses quite quickly. I didn’t recognize him, and surely thought that whoever it was meant to hurt me.

Before I had time to breath, I heard another pair of footsteps being him. ‘This can’t be happening’ was I being set upon by highwaymen? Were these a band of bandits intending on stealing or hurting me? I quickly ran the opposite direction to my house, but whoever was chasing me was faster. At some point I would need to fight and that time would be now.

I turned, and punched at whoever it was quickly. He doubled over, but didn’t fall like the other. When I looked at who it was, my breath caught in my throat. The man had bright ginger hair, and I’d only ever seen that color on one other person.

------------

A/N Thank you all for reading!! I’ve been in a writing mood lately so hopefully expect some new stuff out! Have a great day yall :)

54 notes · View notes

sawyid · 3 years

Text

LOST character headcanons

here's a comprehensive list of my pronoun, gender, sexuality, and relationship headcanons for just about all the characters! this post will not have any spoilers.

when i say "with:" and list a BUNCH of people it doesn't necessarily mean that i think they're dating all of those people. by "with" it could mean anywhere from "dating and in love with" to "they banged once" lol. ill elaborate on which is which, tho. keep in mind i think that everyone on the island was definitely VERY sexually active and didn't give a fuck about keeping it a secret. i mean, they were all surviving on a deadly island together— why bother keeping secrets?

alex

she/they trans girl

bisexual

maybe polyamorous?

with: karl 🥺 they love each other so much

amy (goodspeed)

she/they gnc woman

lesbian

polyamorous

with: definitely dated juliet for a while while they had the chance, maybe even started crushing on kate

ana lucia

she/he/they/it gnc woman

lesbian as FUCK

monogamous maybe 🤔⁉️

with: maybe had/has a thing with kate? other than that i don't really know who she's compatible with

ben

he/it nonbinary (masc aligned)

gay aromantic

monogamous

dating john 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

bernard

he/him trans man

the only valid straight mf on the show

monogamous

married to rose

boone

he/she gnc man

SO SO SO VERY GAY

polyamorous

with: charlie, hurley, jin, michael, sawyer, sayid. id like to think he's dating all of them. maybe started off as a fwb thing but developed into more than that (looking at sawyer specifically)

cassidy phillips (sawyer's "long con")

she/her trans woman

lesbian

polyamorous

with: her and kate definitely had/have a thing

claire

she/they cis woman

bisexual

polyamorous

with: charlie, desmond, hurley, kate, sun. she's dating all of them! she's probably been ... intimate with desmond a handful of times too because they're both dating charlie. hurley is gay and not attracted to women, but he's definitely been in bed with claire a ton of times considering they're both in love with charlie.

charlie

he/they/pup pupgender trans masc

bisexual

so unbelievably polyamorous

with: oh good god here we go... claire, desmond, hurley, boone, eko, jin, michael, sawyer, aaaaand sayid! he loves them all so so dearly! i think he and sawyer definitely started out as fwb (like boone and sawyer). i just think charlie is very quick to fall head over heels. i love him so much 🥺

charlotte

she/it/they trans woman

lesbian

monogamous

naomi is her girlfriend

daniel (faraday)

he/they nonbinary trans masc

gay

polyamorous

with: desmond, hurley, jin, michael, miles, sawyer, sayid. he and desmond are CLASSIC soulmates. i mean, they literally invented the concept of the constant. they're so deeply in love that it's different from his other boyfriends. i honestly think he's also very quick to develop feelings! he and charlie totally would've been in love.

desmond

he/him gnc man

bisexual

polyamorous

with: claire, charlie, daniel, eko, hurley, jin, michael, miles, penny, richard, sawyer, sayid. i'd say charlie, daniel, and penny are the absolute loves of his life. i feel like everyone else he's definitely slept with on a few occasions at the very least. he and sayid are definitely boyfriends. hurley too <3

dogen

he/they gnc man

gay

monogamous

with: lennon

edward mars (the us marshal)

he/him cis man

straight, but maybe did a little experimenting in college ;)

monogamous

eko

he/they gnc man

bisexual

polyamorous

with: claire, charlie, desmond, hurley, jin, kate, michael, sawyer, sayid. of the people here, he's dating charlie, jin, michael, and sawyer. everyone else he had been intimate with/intimate at the same time as his boyfriends because of mutual partners lol.

ethan rom

he/him cis man

straight aromantic

monogamous

frank (lapidus)

he/him cis man

gay

non monogamous

with: richard :) and he's probably done it with dan, miles, michael, sawyer, and sayid a few times

horace (goodspeed)

he/they trans gener maybe 🤔

gay

polyamorous

with: pierre. sawyer and him for sure dated lol. and i'd imagine hurley, jin, and miles were never too busy to help out ;)

hurley

he/they/xe gnc amab dude

gay

polyamorous

with: boone, claire, charlie, daniel, desmond, eko, jin, michael, miles, sawyer, sayid. now with hurley i do think he was dating or at least crushing on everyone here. he has a lot of intimate experiences with these guys when they get together to have fun with charlie. maybe not eko so much? but idk i still think they'd be cute together. but his soulmates are charlie and miles. hurley is gay and not attracted to women, but he's definitely been in bed with claire a ton of times considering they're both in love with charlie.

jacob

he/him cis man

straight aromantic asexual

jack

i REALLY want to just say cishet, but i don't think that's entiiireellyy true... just cus i hate him doesn't mean i can ignore the truth

he/him cis man

bisexual but the type of mf to call himself "heteroflexible" or "heteroromantic bisexual" lmaoo 💀

monogamous

dating nobody ❤️ live alone and die alone ❤️

jae-young lee (sun's friend/ex boyfriend)

he/him cis man

gay

monogamous

with: that "girl" he went to meet in america was actually a guy and theyre gay lovers 😼

jin

he/him cis man

gay

polyamorous

with: boone, charlie, daniel, desmond, eko, horace, hurley, michael, miles, sawyer, sayid. he's just dating everyone here end of story. he and michael are soulmates tho 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

juliet

she/they/fae nonbinary (neutral) + gnc

lesbian

polyamorous

with: claire, kate, sun. they're all dating each other :>

karl

he/xe trans boy

bisexual

monogamous methinks 🤔 or maybe would be considered "non monogamous" because i think he'd be totally cool with alex also dating someone else alongside him

with: alex

kate

she/they woman

VERY bisexual

VERY polyamorous

with: claire, juliet, sun, sawyer. dating all of em! fuck jack all my homies hate jack.

lennon

he/him cis man

gay

monogamous

with: dogen

libby

she/they gnc woman

lesbian

monogamous idk

she was very obviously written into the show as the "romantic interest that hurley didn't have" but everything she does is some shit charlie would do. she's like charlie's cis-sona.

locke

he/him trans man

bi with a preference for men

monogamous

dating ben 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

man in black

they/he nonbinary masc

pansexual (aromantic)

monogamous

michael

he/him cis man

gay

polyamorous

with: boone, charlie, daniel, desmond, eko, hurley, jin, miles, sawyer, sayid. dating everyone!

mikhail

he/him cis man

gay

monogamous

miles

he/they trans man

bisexual

polyamorous

with: claire, daniel, desmond, horace, hurley, jin, kate, michael, richard, sawyer, sayid. i think of him as charlie 2 in that he is also a whore (/pos). he fucks to survive. BUT he is also in love with all these people. other than horace maybe, that was just a fwb thing. and i don't think he and kate dated but they've definitely fucked considering they're both dating sawyer, same thing with claire

naomi (dorrit)

she/her trans woman

lesbian

monogamous

with: charlotte

nikki

she/they cis woman

straight

monogamous

with: paulo!

nour abbed "nadia" jazeem

she/her cis woman

lesbian

monogamous

paulo

he/him cis man

bisexual

monogamoius

with: nikki

penny

she/her cis woman

bisexual

non monogamous

with: just desmond! but she loves her husband's boyfriends endlessly and has definitely been involved in the bedroom with them sometimes too

pierre

he/him cis man

bisexual

polyamorous

with: horace and lara (chang, miles's mom)

richard

he/they gnc man

gay

non monogamous?

with: he's dating frank and miles, but has also been intimate with desmond, hurley, jin, sawyer, and sayid because of mutual boyfriends.

rose

she/her cis woman

bisexual

monogamous

married to bernard

rousseau

she/her trans woman

lesbian

monogamous

sawyer

he/him cis man

he is also VERY bisexual

also violently polyamorous

with: boone, claire, charlie, daniel, desmond, eko, frank, hurley, jin, kate, michael, miles, richard, sayid. i think the only people here he isn't dating are claire, frank, and richard.

sayid

he/him, maybe he/they, gnc man

gay

polyamorous

with: boone, charlie, daniel, desmond, eko, hurley, jin, michael, miles, richard, sawyer. dating all of them! he's also been intimate with a kate pretty often for reasons that stay between sawyer, kate, and himself <3

sun

she/they trans woman

lesbian

polyamorous

with: claire, juliet, kate. dating all.

tom brennan (kate's childhood boyfriend)

he/him trans man

gay

monogamous

walt

he/they trans masc

he's a kid so im not going to headcanon a solid sexuality as that would be weird lol. some kind of mlm tho

extra: i care about him so much he doesn't get enough attention in the fanbase :( my bb had so much potential and the writers just decided to ignore him :/

shannon

she/her female

heterosexual

monogamous

with: nobody. ever. die. die a painful painful death millions of times over again

THE END !

that shit took forever to type out holy FUCK.

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lombredanslaeu · 4 years

Text

magic hour | johnny suh

plot: johnny suh has been alive for centuries now. as the supreme alpha, he is gifted with a soulmate. the catch is: the death of his previous soulmate disabled him from falling in love with the new one. | word count 6948

werewolf & vampire! au (human reader), soulmate! au | angst, fluff, smut

songs: lying to you - keaton henson | see you again - tyler, the creator, kali uchics | magic - she’s only sixteen | ivy - frank ocean

this isn’t proofread so i apologize for any mistakes <3!

The rain clinged to the fur of Johnny’s wolf. Thunder and the sound of rain hitting the forest occupied his ears. He couldn’t think of anything else. A heavy weight pounded itself inside of Johnny’s chest. He didn’t know what true pain felt like until now. After a minute, he dragged his paws towards the scene he was dreading to see.

What used to be the cheerful face of his lover was nothing more than just an ice-cold facade of death. Her lips parted slightly, with no sign of life in its color. There wasn’t any trace of bold which meant that whoever did this to her knew better than leaving a mess. Johnny pushed his snout towards her face, as if to nudge her awake.

Johnny sensed his friends appear from behind the leaves and trees. The ones who are part of his pack and the vampires who backed him up in searching for her. They did nothing but bow their heads in sympathy for their friend’s loss and in mourning for a person they vowed to protect.

As realization was slowly washing over Johnny’s system, he couldn’t help but whimper. A crushing feeling as he felt his friends watch how the supreme alpha turned into a pathetic, broken animal. And a insatiable feeling of despair as he watch his soulmate dead.

For the first time in centuries, Johnny wept.

“Jungwoo, I swear to god.” You warned your roomate as he was threatening to test how foamy dishwashing liquid could be. You signed in desperation as the thought that you couldn’t stop him from one of his measly experiments.

There was something undeniably weird about your roomate. The first time you met Jungwoo, he looked at you with a face full of confusion. You posted a picture of you on your roommate-hunting ad, so why was he looking at you as if he had no idea his roommate was a girl? Not only that but, as a physics major, Jungwoo had a knack for conducting experiments that you never truly understood. Each time you ask, all he would throw back at you was a vague compilation of scientific terms. However, both of you soon became the best of friends. Despite your contrasting personalities and college majors, it was obvious that you treasured your friendship.

“Y/N, I’ll clean the mess up.” He answered. “Stop complaining and go to your room. This might be a splash zone.”

“Whatever.” You rolled your eyes at him and decided to head to your room.

“Oh, by the way,” He spoke. You pivoted to face him. “I was wondering if you want to go skiing at the place Vernon was taking about.”

“Isn’t that place quiet far?”

“Yeah, but my friends and I have a resthouse somewhere in the middle of the way. We could stay there for a night so we wouldn’t be that tired.” He explained.

“You and your friends have a resthouse?” You inquired, boggled at the fact.

“Yeah, since our parents are far away, we decided to chip in for a house that we could all gather too.” Jungwoo replied. “So, you in or not?”

“Sure.” You answered back.

The sound of glass hitting the table interrupted Jungwoo’s reverie. In front of him, Taeyong poured a glass of red liquid in a wine glass. From the smell of it, Jungwoo figured that it was blood.

“I’m sure of this one, Taeyong.” Jungwoo began.

“You better be.” Taeyong replied. He lifted the glass to his lips, his tongue savoring the taste. “The last thing we need is a furious Johnny.”

Jungwoo swallowed a lump down his throat. A growing ball of anxiety was forming in his stomach. He knew better than to mislead Johnny. Johnny wasn’t really the greatest person when he’s mad. The topic of soulmates was a sensitive one for Johnny’s ears. Memories of what happened centuries ago refrained from leaving his mind. Even Jungwoo still remembers how despodent Johnny looked like at that time. He remembers it all as if it was just yesterday.

“They’re coming tomorrow.” Jungwoo said. “I don’t know what I should do. I should have thought this through.”

“You still have three more years in that university.” Taeyong replied, patting Jungwoo on the back. “You have plenty of time for this.”

The road towards Jungwoo’s resthouse was filled with trees left and right. The remnants of the city life began to fade a few miles back. You couldn’t comprehend still why on earth did you agree to spend a night in a house with ten men. You also didn’t know that Jungwoo had that many friends. He said that they are all childhood friends and they somehow preserved their friendship up until this day. You mentally thanked Jihyo for coming with you.

“You know, I don’t really like forests.” She spoke beside you, in the passenger seat.

“Me too.” You answered, looking a bit forward to see if the line of trees will be over soon.

“Are you sure we’re going the right way?” She asked, a bit worried about the apperance of the road,

“Yeah, that’s the address Jungwoo said it was.” You pointed to your car’s GPS. “Ugh, I hate him for going there before us.”

The voice in the GPS announced that you are only two minutes away from their resthouse. Soon, you spot the surprisingly beautiful house that was hidden behind the vast trees. You turned left and followed the concrete pavement that will lead you to Jungwoo’s resthouse. You saw Jungwoo wait for you in front of the house. He waved his hands to instruct you on where to park your cark. You and Jihyo exited the car, in awe of how beautiful and modern the exterior of the house is.

“Wow, this place is beautiful.” Jihyo spoke, still looking up to observe the house.

“How in the hell did you guys afford this?” You asked him.

Jungwoo laughed and said, “Some of the guys are pretty loaded. Come on in, the inside is just as beautiful as the outside.”

He helped you and Jihyo in carrying your bags. The moment you entered the house, your nose was filled with a lavender scent. The living room was clean and spotless. The interior design almost resembled a romanesque mansion. Details were adorned with gold but the whole color scheme revolved around greys and black. It was almost like a scene out of a fairy tale.

A man emerged from what you assumed was the kitchen. He wore a welcoming smile on his face as his cheekes was adorned with dimples on both sides.

“Guys, this is Jaehyun.” Jungwoo introduced the man. “Jaehyun, this is Y/N and Jihyo.”

“It’s wonderful to meet you both.” Jaehyun’s voice was like velvet. There was no denying that he is an attractive man. You felt your cheeks flush as he smiled at you. “I hope you enjoy the night here. We tried to make the house as clean as possible for you.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” Jihyo said.

“Well, it’s just common courtesy.” Jaehyun replied. “I’ll see you around.”

As Jaehyun left, Jungwoo ushered you and Jihyo to the guest room. The guest room looked magical. A princess could live there. You wondered what the other main rooms looked like if the guest room was this beautiful. Before Jungwoo left, he reminded both of you that dinner shall be ready anytime soon.

The aroma of delicious and enticing food made your stomach grumble. A man who introduced himself as Doyoung fetched you and Jihyo for dinner. He has a wide smile and friendly facade. The faint conversation between men was heard from the dining area. The moment you stepped in their line of vision, you were welcomed by such beautiful faces. Jungwoo’s friends were beautiful. They all had welcoming auras. All except for the tallest one.

Johnny moved his vision from his Taeyong to you. A pletora of butterflies swarmed his veins.

No, this cannot be. He thought.

Taeyong nudged the huge man. He gave Johnny a face that told Johnny to keep it together. He remained crossed browed as he forced himself to match the smiling faces of his friends. At the corner of Taeyong’s eyes, he saw Jungwoo fidget.

The rest of the dinner went on smoothly. You spent most of time between Jungwoo and a guy named Haechan.

“And no matter what you do, do not go in the last room on your floor.” Haechan warned you. You nad him decided to stroll around the garden at the back. There was a fountain in the middle. The breeze was a bit chilly.

“Why not?” You asked.

“Let’s just say someone won’t be happy.” He answered.

As you two walked around, you decided to look up at the facade of the house. As soon as you raised your vision up, you saw a curtain immediately close.

Johnny rubbed his hands on his face. Desperation and exhaustion swarmed his veins. He couldn’t accept it. Leona was his mate, his most treasured jewel. And just with a blink of an eye, she was gone. Johnny knew that Leona was mortal and she was bound to face death. However, what he cannot accept was how soon she was taken from him. She didn’t even get to marry him and see the world with Johnny like he promised her. Now there was you. The moment you entered the dining room with the sweetest smile on your face. The way you laugh at something Haechan said only encouraged the raging fire inside of him. He wanted nothing more than to feel your smooth skin against his fingertips. The moment you stepped into the dining room, he knew. He cursed Jungwoo for even thinking about letting you stay in this house for a night. He wanted to be angry at him but he know that this is Jungwoo’s house as it is Johnny’s. The roar of thunder echoed in his room. He sensed Jungwoo approaching.

“How long have you known her?” Johnny asked the second Jungwoo came through his door.

“A year.” Jungwoo replied sparingly.

Silence enveloped the two werewolves. Jungwoo poured himself a glass of whiskey and sat in the couch of Johnny’s room.

“There’s a big storm coming.” He started. “We figured that we can’t travel for the next day or so.”

“So what you’re saying is that my mate is about to spend another night here?”

“I did this for you, Johnny. Why are you so hostile about this?” Jungwoo cocked his head to the side, obviously confused about the way Johnny’s reacting. “You spent all these years moping for Leona. I found your mate for you. Why do you not seem happy?”

Johnny sighed. Jungwoo will never understand him. He knew better than to argue with him. After all, he did go behind his back to make him happy. He sighed and whispered, “I don’t know.”

Jungwoo’s eye softened. It was him and Doyoung who saw Johnny break down every night after Leona’s death. They were the ones who saw how his demeanor changed. Jungwoo doesn’t know a lot of things about the supreme alpha but one thing’s for sure: he loved Leona more than anything else.

Haechan’s warning to you about the last door on your floor only made you curious. You were never one to snoop around especially when you are told not to. But there was something about the way he said it that made you only want to go there more.

The storm only intensified through the night. You were bummed that your ski trip would be delayed but the joyful spirits of the other guys made you feel okay. You tried your best to sleep. You envied Jihyo who was already somewhere in dreamland. You decided to step outside the guest room. Wall lamps illuminated the long hallway. The guys definitely hit the jackpot with this house. You reached the stairwell and leaned down to check if any of the guys are awake. You didn’t bring any slippers so your footsteps are unheard. The center of the stairs were lined with carpet. By the feel of it, it was definitely expensive. You started to wonder just how rich Jungwoo and his friends are.

There was a light that came from the kitchen. You went there and saw the tallest one, Johnny. He might have sensed you since he immediately turned his head around despite you being careful with your footsteps.

“Hi.” You said, offering him a warm smile.

“Hey.” He reciprocated your smile.

“Are the others asleep already?” You asked.

“I’m not sure.” He answered. You started to play with your fingers due to the growing awkward silence. “Do you want me to warm some milk for you?”

“Oh no, you don’t have to.”

“Please, I insist.”

You went along with his offer. Johnny was beautiful. He has a sweet smile and his lips were unique in shape. His body was also very well built. He towers over everyone, especially Taeil. Since you are shorter than Taeil, Johnny definitely towers over you.

“What do you study in university?” Johnny asked, he has his back towards you while he prepared your milk.

“Sociology.” You answered. “I met Jungwoo through my roommate hunt ad.”

“Living with Jungwoo must be hell for you then.” He added.

“Actually if it weren’t for his idiotic science experiments, all would be fine.” You chuckled.

You and Johnny talked through the night. You learned that he was studying multimedia arts at a university a bit far from yours. He also loved doing photography. He showed you multiple photos that he took of his friends. It was safe to say that Johnny wasn’t only beautiful on the outside.

You looked at the scene in front of you. Jihyo seemed to have a liking to the guy named Mark. You groaned at how they ignored you while they lowkey flirted with each other. The sun was shining outside. You hoped that the storm won’t come back tonight so you could go on with your ski trip. You decided to go outside the garden. The garden was still a bit wet from the storm last night. Out of nowhere, a hand was placed on your shoulder. You jumped in surprise but immediately calmed out after finding out that it was just Johnny.

“You shouldn’t wander around after a huge storm.” He advised.

“Why not? The sun feels great.” You answered, feeling the warm tickle of sunshine on your arm.

“The creatures at night didn’t get the chance to have their run last night because of the rain. They’ll do it now.” He explained.

You wondered how the hell does he know that.

You and Johnny kept in touch even after you went back to the city. Though you both of you became very busy with university, you still managed to hang out every once in a while. You never really told Jungwoo about your frequent dates with Johnny. You didn’t know how he would react and you don’t really want him to make a big deal out of it.

The moonlight helped the street lamps in illuminating the dark streets. The spicy flavor the wings you and Johnny shared a while ago still lingered on your tongue. You hid your flushed cheeks onto the thick scarf that was wrapped around your neck.

“That was by far the greatest chicken wings I’ve had my whole life.” Johnny commented beside you. He insisted that he’d walk you back to your dorm.

“Right? It was so good.” You said back. He chuckled beside you.

It wasn’t long before you reached the doorstep of your dorm. You turned to face Johnny who only smiled down on you. Your eyes travelled from his eyes down to his soft lips. You wondered how they taste like. The silence that lingered between you gave Johnny the signal for doing something he might probably regret later.

Your eyes widened when you felt a pair of lips touch yours. Magic burst through your blood. The sweet mix of heaven and spice made you light-headed. You clinged onto Johnny’s neck as you felt something in you and deepened the kiss. You’ve dreamed about touching him for a few nights now. For some reason, he never left your mind ever since you met him. And you for sure won’t forget him any time soon.

You pulled back although you wanted more.

“Let’s do that more.” You spoke.

“I agree.”

A bottle of wine later and you found looking up to the ceiling of your dorm. Your head was spinning. The memory of you and Johnny kissing last night only clouded your brain. It ignited a fire in you that you never knew could exist.

“I like him a lot.” You confessed to Jungwoo beside you.

“Yeah, seems like it.” He agreed. Of course he’ll agree, he knows why.

“We’re going on a date tomorrow night.” You added.

“I’m glad it’s Johnny you like.” Jungwoo said. “Not some playboy that’ll break your heart.”

You smiled endearingly at your friend. Jungwoo’s heart warmed at the sight of you. He saw love in your eyes.

You giggled at a joke Johnny said. The fancy restaurant he took you to had the best champagne and it was starting to get into you. He held your hand as you swayed them back and forth. He blushed at your demeanor.

A faint sound of a slow love song came from a obnoxiously lighted music store. An idea popped inside of your mind. You pulled Johnny towards the store.

“Woah, slow down.” He reminded you but it had no effect as you were practically running towards the origin of the sound.

“Dance with me.” Your droppy eyes looked up at Johnny.

He looked at the greatest sight the universe had given him in centuries. He chuckled at your idea but proceeded in doing so. You rest your head on his broad chest as he held you close. Johnny’s cheek rest itself on top of your head. He wanted so bad to remove the image of Leona from his head. You’re here. He wanted so badly to give you everything. But the fact that you were down the most romantic thing with him only made him feel a punch to his guts. Everywhere he looked, he always only ever saw Leona.

Johnny inserted the key to the door knob of the room. The room was dark yet it contained the light of his life. With the flick of the light switch, dozen of paintings filled Johnny’s vision.

The biggest portrait stood in the middle. Johnny approached it with precaution, afraid that it would break with the slightest touch. The lively colors contradicted the life of the person in the canvas. Rosy cheeks, red lips, and smooth skin. A tear escaped Johnny’s eye. The pain rummaged through his chest. And he remembered it all. Despite it happening years and years ago, every detail was crystal clear in his memory.

“How do I love someone else when I’m reminded of what could have been?” He whispered to the woman in the canvas. Hoping that magic would disperse into the portrait and bring Leona back to him again. The image of you crossed Johnny’s mind. He knew that you were made for him and him only. Werewolves and vampires were given the gift to determine their and their colleagues mates. It was rare for these creatures to be mated to a human. There are only a few werewolves that are destined for humans. And he was unfortunately one of them.

Johnny went outside to the forest. The cracking of his bones and ripping of his clothing accompanied the sound of the rustling leaves. The soil was moist against his paws as he pushed himself towards the air and ran. The adrenaline fueled him and he doesn’t know how long he could run. All he knew was this was the only thing he could do to alleviate the pain.

Night after night you found yourself even closer with Johnny. Earlier today, he helped you with your literature homework. As a thank you, you decided to order chicken and come over to his house that he shared with Jaehyun and Mark. You walked through his street and texted him that you were already there. As you approached the porch, you spotted two huge wolves in their front yard. Your soul almost left your body as the creatures whipped their head towards you. You didn’t know what to do. It was like someone super glued your shoes onto the pavements. The rational part of your brain yelled at you to run but your limbs refused to cooperate.

One of the wolves had a dark grey fur, one was white. As much as they are a beautiful sight to look at, the fangs that slip past their snout made you realize that these are dangerous creatures.

“Johnny!” You yelled, hoping he could hear you from the inside.

The grey wolf grunted and stepped towards you. It boggled you how it was only the grey one who was provoked by your yelling. The white wolf watched the grey one as he slowly padded towards you. The rational part of you once again demanded you to leave or to throw the chicken the other way in hopes that it’s that they’re after. However, fear seemed to have melted the moment the wolf touched your arm with its snout. It was sniffing you. And yet, you didn’t feel scared. Lifting a shaking hand, you touched the fur of the wolf. It was smooth as silk.

“Johnny?” You cooed at the wolf. You must definitely be dreaming. The wolf rubbed its head on your hand. Johnny is a fucking wolf? You moved your gaze to the white one. You were confused as you saw Jaehyun standing to where the white wolf was. You gave him a look that showed concern and confusion. All he did was nod at you. You returned your eyes to what you assumed was Johnny’s wolf. Jaehyun gestured for you to go inside the house. He still hasn’t spoken a word to you. You looked back to the grey wolf and trudged your way inside.

You sat the edge of Johnny’s bed. Your left leg rocking up and down in anticipation. You still couldn’t grasp the whole thing. If Johnny and Jaehyun were werewolves, does it mean the others guys, and even Jungwoo, are as well? The door opened softly and you saw Johnny entering lightly.

“You weren’t supposed to find out that way.” He started. His eyes looking down at his feet.

“I still can’t understand anything.” You admitted.

He sat beside you and held your hand. “I’m a werewolf. I know that seems so fantasy movie-like but I am.”

You nodded and squeezed his hand in assurance.

“The reason why Jungwoo took your roommate offer is because he knew that you are my mate.” He continued.

“Mate?” You asked.

“Every wolf and vampire are destined with a soulmate.” He said.

“Vampires exists as well?” Your eyes widened at the scary thought. Your mother told you that these only existed in fiction and you had nothing to fear about. But, the revelations of tonight told you otherwise.

“Yeah. Taeyong and Mark are vampires.” Johnny answered. “Some are destined to be with their kind and some are destined with humans.”

“How long have you been alive?”

“More than four hundred years.”

“Why did it take this long for you to find your soulmate?”

Johnny paused for a while. You saw how he had to swallow before answering. “I met her before. It was the year 1845.”

“What happened to her? She didn’t turn into a werewolf?”

“No. Humans can’t turn into werewolves.” Johnny explained. “It wasn’t long before she died. We only knew each other for 4 years.”

You swallowed in realization. The whole thing was scary. You didn’t know how to take it all in. All you knew was there was something in you that wanted to just kiss him. You sat still in silence. You sighed before turning back to Johnny. Without uttering any questions, you latched your lips into his.

Johnny knew that you were the one made for him; he knew that the night you went to the pack’s house. But tonight, he accepted it. He accepted the fact that the fates bestowed him a new mate. He knew that he would be gifted another one once his soulmate dies. Since he was unfortunately destined to be soulmates with a human, this cycle will go on and on for as long as he lives.

The tension was thick in the air. Johnny’s face was so close to yours that you could almost taste him. The shade of his eyes turned darker, filled with carnal desire. Raising his hand, he cupped your cheek. Love excreted from your skin. For the first time in centuries, Johnny felt something warm. Without wasting any time, he leaned down to capture your lips.

The synchronization of your lips intensified when he felt your fingers tug lightly at his scalp. The growl that fell from his throat traveled to your core. He pulled back to look at your face. He pleaded the heavens to allow him to see beauty again and they did. You felt your back slowly touch his soft mattress. The light from the moon entered his room through the large windows.

The skirt of your dress rode up as you tangled your legs around his waist. His clothed cock pressed deliciously against your aching core. It wasn’t long before every fabric was shredded from your burning bodies. Johnny latched his lips on your neck. He left a few possessive marks before travelling down to where you needed him the most. Your eyes widened when his tongue came in contact with your folds.

It was safe to say that you knew what every corner of heaven looked like that night.

“You had sex with him?” Jungwoo yelled at you in surprise.

“What difference does it make?” You reasoned out. “We were bound to do it anyway.”

“Yeah, but you just found out that he’s a werewolf and your instinct was to fuck him?”

“Stop talking as if you’re not one! I’m still mad at you for not telling me.”

“I’m scared that you’ll be scared. It was better you find out about it from your mate.” He explained. You rolled your eyes. Your playful banter coming down as he threw an arm around you. “It amazes me how well you’re taking this.”

“Have you found your soulmate yet?” You asked.

“Not yet. Maybe soon.” He said, shrugging his shoulders.

You hugged him and reassured him that he’ll find his mate soon. You two spent the last remaining hours of the night talking about his werewolf abilities.

He knew violence is never the key. But the sight of some guy creeping his filthy fingers across the skin of his mate boiled hell in him. He saw red, he heard nothing but the devil inside his head telling him to punch harder and deeper. It wasn’t until he felt the warmth of your small palm struggling to keep him calm. Lucas held Johnny back as Jaehyun stood in between him and the creep.

“Come on, John.” You said softly, tugging at his arm.

He followed you not before shooting one last threatening gaze at the creep.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” You exclaimed.

“That guy was harassing you.” He growled. The wolf in him threatening to come out but he held it in, in fear of scaring you.

“You could have just come up there and talked to him.” You said, getting the small first aid kid in the compartment of his car.

“Why are you acting like I’m the bad guy here?” He said before hissing as the soaked cotton ball touched one of his wound.

“I’m just saying, you didn’t have to put yourself in such danger. Who knows how strong he is.”

Johnny snorted. No one is stronger than him and that guy in the party knew that. He was part of a rogue pack. He knew better than to mess with the alpha of all werewolves. It was on him to know better.

Johnny’s frustrated gaze softened as he looked at your features. Your soft, feathery touch reminiscent of your soft voice. Johnny knew it, he knew it deep inside of him. He felt it burst through his veins and into his mouth as he muttered.

“I love you.”

The soft chattering of people welcomed your ears as you and Johnny entered an art exhibit. A love for the arts is something you both shared. Your friend, Minghao, invited everyone in your batch to come see his art exhibit. You scanned the walls filled with all kinds of art; some are photos, sculptures, digital art, abstract art, and a whole lot more.

Johnny bounced as he darted towards the wall filled with photos. You smiled at his cute action as you followed him.

“Wow.” He said in amusement.

“Oh, that’s taken by my classmate, Dahyun.” You pointed to a photo of the sky.

“The kids from your university are extremely talented.”

“They sure are.”

You spent the rest of the night gazing over the artworks. Johnny knew it would be best for him to do as well but he couldn’t help but fawn over your amazed face. The way your eyes shine whenever you look at something you really like. The way your mouth form a small “O”. The way your hair fall from your shoulders when you crouch down to look at something. He admired everything about you that night. A smile swept across his lips.

The night was young but the two of you decided to head home early. The incoming winter season was slowly introducing itself by blowing the freezing wind. A thick layer of sweatshirt draped across both of you and Johnny’s arms.

“I hope I’m keeping you warm.” He said to your sleepy air. You only smiled in response.

Although he had your arms and a thick blanket wrapped around him, somehow, he still felt cold.

The sound of rustling leaves filled Johnny’s ears. He slowly opened his eyes and saw sunlight peeking through the branches of the tall trees. He slowly sat up and held his head in his hand. In front of him, an elegant fountain was on display. The water flowed through its different spouts. He stood up and saw the figure of a woman. He knew who it was, he know the person like the back of his hand.

“You should let me go, John.” Her voice is soft yet her words burned.

“I love you, Leona.” He pleaded.

“Y/N is here. You found her.” Her demeanor showed nothing but comfort and sincerity. The sweet smile lingered through her lips. “I no longer exist, John.”

“I can’t.” He whispered.

“Of course, you can.” Her touch shot a blaze through Johnny’s system. “I always believed in you, right? I believe you can.”

The soft light of the sun awakened you. A large, heavy hand was wrapped around your waist. You looked back to see Johnny’s sleeping face. You swiped a stray hair out of his face as you admired. You decided to press sweet kisses to his cheek, in hopes that it’ll awaken him.

Johnny stirred and only pulled you closer. The tightening smile that crossed your face soon vanished at something Johnny said in his sleep.

“Hmm, Leona.”

For the next months you let it go. The sound of his voice whispering that name still haunted your mind but you did your best to throw it at the back of your head. You still didn’t know the status of your relationship with Johnny. It just never occurred to the both of you to talk it out. Were you girlfriend and boyfriends? You said “I love you” to each other, that has to make you both official right? The thought sounded cheesy but you just didn’t know how to introduce him to your other friends.

“It’s not I don’t want you to meet them, it’s just that I don’t know what to introduce you as.” You said, crossing your arms.

“Just say that you don’t want me to meet your parents and go.” Johnny fought back.

You sighed. “All I’m asking you to do is to define what we have right now. Do you want me to tell my parents that you’re just some guy I fuck?”

“How can you still not get it? I told you I love you.”

“Ugh, do you really think saying ‘I love you’ is gonna make everything loud and clear between us?”

He exhaled sharply. Johnny’s mind was clouded. All that’s running through his mind as of the moment are brief memories of Leona. But you were here. You’re the new soul that was destined to be with him. The universe answered his pleads and yearning. He cursed himself as he realized that there was a part of him that wished he never said the three words to you. He didn’t even realize that you left if it wasn’t for the harsh slam of his front door.

Jungwoo sighed as he opened a new pint of ice cream for you. A soft blanket was draped over your shoulders as your head rested on Jihyo’s shoulders. Jungwoo looked over Jihyo and they both exchanged a look of sympathy for you. You hated feeling this way. You know full well that a man shouldn’t be the reason for your tears. But it just hurts knowing that Johnny probably don’t want a future with you.

“I wish I could hug the pain out of you.” Jungwoo said. You sniffed and straightened your position. You have to ask Jungwoo the question.

“Woo,” You called. “Who’s Leona?”

The muscles of Jungwoo’s upper body tensed at the mention of that. That’s a name he hasn’t heard in a while.

“How did you know that name?” He answered you with another question.

“Johnny,” You sobbed but swallowed thickly to continue. “He said it while he was asleep.”

Jungwoo stood up from his seat in the couch and joined you and Jihyo on the floor. He slinged his arm around your shoulders and rubbed them in comfort.

“Leona was Johnny’s first mate.” He said. You remembered Johnny mentioning that he met his first mate before. “We only knew her for a few years. Johnny really loves her and what made her death even more painful is that it happened only 16 hours before their wedding.”

You gasped at the revelation. Were you supposed to feel sorry for Johnny?

“So, there’s a probability that he still haven’t moved on?” Jihyo asked.

“That might be it.” Jungwoo answered.

All you did was sob harder into Jungwoo’s chest. Your two friends enveloped you into an embrace that they wish could take away your pain.

The stars twinkled above the whole city. The wind whistled as it breezed across the trees. The sound of Jaehyun’s party seeped into the walls, making the faint sound of the commotion echo through the balcony. Johnny sensed your presence from behind him.

“Hey.” You said, walking over beside you and leaning your body against the railings.

“Hey.” He replied.

“You said you wanted to talk?”

“Uh, yeah.” Johnny sighed. “I should be over the moon for meeting you.”

“Hmm.” You could only hum out a response.

“I’m sorry.” He said with all the sincerity he could offer. “You’re my mate and nothing could ever change but-”

“You told me you loved me.”

His eyes softened. “I know. I am.”

“Then what’s the matter? Is it me? Is it-”

“I’m not in love with you, Y/N.” He cut you off. He couldn’t bear the pain of hearing you blame yourself over something that’s his fault alone.

Your eyes watered even more. He saw your lips whimper and tremble.

“I wish I could push myself to forget her. To forget the pain and every memory of her.” He started.

“You don’t have to do that. It’s okay, I understand.” You assured in a small voice.

“I’m sorry.”

“When do you think you’ll be ready again?”

“I don’t know.”

You tried to hold back the tears that welled in your eyes. Your breathing became staggered. You stood on your tip toes as you placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

You walked back to your house with a heavy heart. It was as if the world decided to throw boulders on your shoulders. You looked up to the moon and sighed. The tears fell from your cheeks like a storm. You were uncertain if you would see Johnny again.

Oh my god, I’m gonna die as lonely as I feel tonight.

----

“A bouquet of asphodels and purple hyacinths, please.” Johnny said to Taehyung the florist.

Taehyung smiled softly at Johnny as he turned around to arrange the bouquet. After Johnny got the flowers, he walked slowly to your destination. He wasn’t sure if you were ever going to forgive him but he tried. He melted every ounce of pride within him. Johnny hated apologizing but he knows he has to. He could never spend the rest of his painfully, never-ending life without hearing your forgiveness.

He crouched down and place the flowers. Your new home only caused Johnny’s heart to squeeze tight. It reminded him of what could have been. For all the regret and mistakes he made, he exhaled sharply. As if on cue, a stray white tulip landed on your grave.

Johnny smiled behind his tears. He picked up the flower - the sign that you forgive him.

FIN.

a/n: i hope you liked this! feedback and thoughts are always welcome. <3

#nct 127 #nct au #nct imagines #nct johnny #johnny suh #johnny angst #johnny imagines #johnny seo #johnny x reader #seo youngho #nct angst #nct scenarios #jung jaehyun #mark lee #nct x reader #nct x you #seo johnny #nct johnny imagines #johnny smut

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somestansomewhere · 3 years

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Debbie Gallagher: ALL Love Interests RANKED

Okay! I tried to rank all of Debs’ love interests and it was hard to do because I am not set on that ONE PERSON that I ship her with above all else, but these are my thoughts! Keep in mind that these are all MY OPINIONS and you are entitled to yours as well! Let’s talk about it! If you read all this ILY.

Here we go:

...................................

23. The Guy At The Pool (Season 5)

He thought Debs was special needs and she tried to flirt with him...

22. Kelly (Season 9-10)

I LOVE Kelly so much but she was not into Debbie! I really love her with Carl and Debbie should not have tried to interfere! I will however say that I really really REALLY enjoy their friendship and I wish that that would have continued on. They had some really good moments together.

20/21. Eugene (Season 6) & Board Game Guy (Season 7)

Alright so these two don’t technically count because Frank tried to set Debbie up with Eugene so that she’d be written into his will. And the Board Game Guy was from a deleted scene as one of Debbie’s “life partners” from that flyer she made. So enough said.

18/19. Tyler (Season 6) & Erika (Season 6)

Again, Frank attempted to set Debbie up with Tyler and while that “potential relationship” wasn’t as bad as what happened between her and Erika, I am grouping them together because Debbie wasn’t technically into either of them and it was set up to fail right from the start.

17. Larry (Season 6)

The pregnancy fetish guy! I’m not quite sure what the intentions were for this character in the long run but it was a funny joke in the episode he was in. Even in the beginning Larry gave off red flags, but Debbie was happy... until the truth was revealed. Weird.

16. Jared (Season 11)

Another irrelevant love interest: the gay guy that cheated on his husband with Debbie after giving her cocaine. Obvious issues with this encounter/plot line aside, I did feel that their interactions at the bar were flirtatious and I didn’t hate him.

15. Calista (Season 11)

ANOTHER irrelevant character that was used and never brought back!!! I didn’t totally hate her either, she was upfront about her ex-girlfriend and that whole situation. She helped Debbie and didn’t take advantage of her but the second she came on screen; I’m sorry but I did not give a fuck. Her last episode built up a potential friend/relationship opportunity for Debbie and they just did nothing with it. Idfk what else to say, not a fan but I did appreciate Calista trying to take care of Debbie when she clearly was drinking too much.

14. Sandy (Season 10-11)

Oh boy, everyone’s favorite partner of Debbie’s... Yeah, Sandy is so low on this list not necessarily because I didn’t like her for Debbie, or that I have beef with Elise (b/c I love her as an actor sm). I personally just hate the sheer fact that this character EXISTS in the first place. I never understood the hype, but I know that people only like her because she’s a Milkovich ie. related to Mickey. That’s the hard truth this fandom isn’t willing to admit. My disliking Sandy should be a post of its own but lemme get into her relationship with Debbie.

You could tell that Emma and Elise liked working together so the chemistry was sorta there (definitely not soulmate shit tho). Each time that they interacted in s10 I was over it. S11 was better in the sense that whether I would like to admit it or not, they did have some “cute moments” (mainly just Sandy calling Debbie babe/babes). The second shit hit the fan in regards to Sandy’s history, I immediately understood Debbie’s issue with her and why her character would not want to be with Sandy. But, with that being said, Debbie was also in the wrong because she made everything about herself throughout the entire course of this relationship! Sandy did call her out, ex: “who was supposed to take Franny to school?”, and things like that were nice. HOWEVER I am sorry to say, this relationship felt like a massive waste of time and it felt like they were trying to force something that shouldn’t have existed to begin with. I don’t have the patience to even analyze this anymore, but maybe down the line because clearly there is SO MUCH to delve into!

13. Alex (Season 9)

Omg I did not like this relationship/plotline at all. Alex had issues but Debbie was so inconsiderate! I never saw the appeal here! It was nice that Alex had the decency to go and help Debs with Ford after the fact. I just feel “meh” about this tho. They had moments but ultimately I personally wasn’t into it and Debbie’s random newfound self discovery of “lesbianism”.

12. Kyle (Season 3)

Emma Kenney’s first kiss! Kyle was a one episode character that did have the potential to be more than that. I didn’t hate the kid as Debbie’s love interest, but there also wasn’t anything special about him. He was just kinda there and then he left. Debbie really seemed to like him though, spelling his name in her peas, etc.. I do like that one line about cigarettes that Kyle had but again he was such a short lived character and when he turned out not to be related to Kevin it became unnecessary to keep him around... even if the episode alluded to him returning. They were sorta cute!

11. Claudia (Season 10)

So I didn’t like this relationship much either but there was a certain kind of stability in the relationship that felt organic and nice. Partly because I enjoyed watching Constance Zimmer and she made Claudia likeable. Do I ship it? No. Was it a problematic dynamic? Yes. Was it a tolerable relationship? Eh. I didn’t hate it entirely though. Debbie, being a Gallagher, eventually fucked it up. And while I did like the drama, Debbie wasn’t REALLY into Claudia as much as she may have believed she was. So, it totally felt like a one off that would end with Claudia not returning... and it was. So there was no time for an investment of any kind.

10. Hedi (Season 11)

Gosh... Debbie’s endgame(?). Hedi was introduced too late for me to care enough about her (At this point it would have made sense for Debbie to wind up with Calista because at least she was already introduced!). I don’t necessarily like Hedi as a character and quite frankly it was a “who tf does SHE think she is” kinda deal for me. At first I was interested and didn’t hate her (and I don’t), but then she “thought she was Jimmy” and I instantly got annoyed (LOL I GUESS it was a nice nod to him tho... I guess).

My (several) problems with Hedi as a character aside, there IS something about Hedi being presented as this “dangerous badass” who is (somehow) WORSE than Debbie, that worked well. I’m not a fan of the ship, but it is an interesting dynamic in the sense that Debbie could potentially be “living on the edge”. I fear for what trouble this could cause Debbie BUT it’s like Frank referenced: Monica vibes. I don’t think it’s “true love” like Debbie said to Franny. A constant storyline for Debbie has been “why can’t anyone ever love me” and so she falls in quickly. Maybe Hedi will leave her but that’s the thing, “she’s done worse” so idk, either way I don’t think it’s meant to last! But I guess I don’t mind them being together! Karma’s a bitch! Will Carl tell her what Arthur found? Would it even make a difference?

9. Julia (Season 10)

I would have actually rather preferred her with Carl too! It was never love between Debbie and Julia, but the relationship did create good conflict for my viewing pleasure. UNPOPULAR OPINION, I didn’t mind Julia as a character at all. She was fine for me. I also enjoyed how ultimately SHE was only using Debbie in the end. Julia does admit later on that she was experiencing with her sexuality so maybe she did have feelings for Debbie at one point, which I thought was interesting. Debbie got herself into this one. At least Julia was more age appropriate than Claudia... (which is ironic since Debbie got in trouble for being with Julia when the age gap is MUCH bigger between Claudia and Debbie LOL I love it)! I also found Julia annoying Debbie to be amusing, that’s not to say that I liked her a lot either cuz I don’t!

8. Matty (Season 4-5)

Man do I feel bad for Matty! Debbie raped him and it was horrible. From the get-go when Matty was introduced the relationship was hella awkward!! And not only that but Debbie was a MINOR! Matty did do the right thing and said they couldn’t be together but a part of me will always feel strange that he WAS INITIALLY attracted to Debbie before learning her age. That to me is still wildly inappropriate. He shoulda cut it off. He did try to be her friend and took her to that dance which was cute but ahhh this was just a MESS all around. Cringe. At least he didn’t take advantage.

7. Henry (Season 4)

Speaking of Matty and that dance, Henry was supposed to take her. He asked her as a joke in order for Seama to inflict revenge on Debbie. If that weren’t the case however... DAMN THEY WERE CUTE! The potential that this relationship could have had! If only it wasn’t all an act! It was a “day worth of love” and sure that’s not enough for two people to REALLY be IT, yet there was something charming about their connection that I wish was real. Or idk maybe Henry could have reconnected with her later and apologized and it could have been revealed that he did actually like her... but that wasn’t the case. Fuck him!

6. Simon (Season 1-2)

Debbie was NOT interested in Simon at all but at the time he was almost like the male version of her. Their banter back and forth was fun to watch and he probably would have treated her well. It’s unfortunate that we didn’t get to even see their friendship progress. Their interactions were funny and he was a good guy!

5. Batiste (Season 10)

Y’all may not understand why this guy is so high on the list but a part of me wishes this character wasn’t a one off. Batiste is the dude Debbie tried to return her “unused” shoes to. If you can recall, he wanted a blowjob to take advantage of her. While this was a dick move (and the plot went nowhere) a part of me would have liked to see more! He did have an arc where he acted like an ass and realized that it is wrong to degrade women. I just think it could have been built upon and Emma may have had chemistry with this actor. There was something here that I didn’t hate and I felt it could have been expanded upon.

4. Little Hank (Season 2-3)

Debbie’s first real crush! It was interesting to see how he didn’t like her at first and then a “friendship/relationship” slowly started to develop after he gave her flowers. IT JUST NEVER CONTINUED! Little Hank was in no way the most upstanding, but it was cool to see Carl have a friend that Debbie crushed on (when she was little she wasn’t intentionally taking something away from Carl ie. Kelly, so I support it). Their interactions were fun to watch too! The fandom definitely has a soft spot for Little Hank! And at one point everyone was rooting for them to be together. Too bad we never discovered what ended up happening to this character!

3. Neil (Season 7-8)

The bathtub scene tho! Adorable! There was a short moment within this relationship that was super cute where the two of them really did seem to care about each other and may have both been in love. It goes without saying that Debbie was only using him, but they did have SOME potential and they found a common ground where they each benefited each other’s needs. Debbie once again was TOO controlling and self absorbed to make it work, but I don’t think she was entirely happy in a relationship with him. He deserved more respect!

2. Derek (Season 5-8)

Baby Daddy! I really did enjoy them together until Debbie took advance of him and Franny came into the picture, but at the same time that’s one of the reasons that Derek, as a character, has a deeper connection to Debbie and the audience. I always enjoyed their flirting back and forth and the relationship they had (the deleted scene with the card/push up game ahh my heart)! Debbie really did mess up due to her desperation to “belong to a family”, which is another one of her consistent character traits. She just went too far and tried to trap him. Then shit got messed up between their families. Derek did eventually ask for parcial custody and did have a desire to be a part of Franny’s life. Debbie said no and that plot line died until s10. Pepa!! Ahh! RIP to Derek, it was sad to me that he died. Definitely a character and relationship that I wish was incorporated more because I truly enjoyed them together.

1. Duran (Season 8)

Besties with benefits! Stop! Nobody talks about my guy Duran! Sure they both said that this relationship was of a sexual nature and that they were just a couple of friends but damn! The chemistry and dynamic was palpable! It is truly a shame that we didn’t get to see more of this friendship! They were on common ground and really did care about each other! I don’t know why but I really just LOVED them together! Duran was also in her friend group with Farhad and that was a group that seemed to have a positive impact on Debbie as a person. S8 Debbie was cool! These two complemented each other so nicely! Duran wasn’t by any means the best influence on her because he almost lead Debbie down a “Monica path” but come on, Hedi is worse in that department. He was getting his life together like Debbie was with her profession. Just think of the hair convos Duran and Tami could have had Lol. Idk, I just like Debbie with him a lot! It was healthy to an extent and he was supportive of Debs with Franny.

#I could write so much more for each of these but I’ll spare you #guys nobody talks about the AMOUNT of love interests Debbie had over the course of this damn show #I miss characters with a lot of depth!#I want to do more of these relationship lists for other characters #my lists #my favs #shameless #gallavich #debbie gallagher #franny gallagher #sandy milkovich #debbie x sandy

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cvastals · 3 years

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look i kno i said i wasnt gna bring a 6th until i was caught up w replies bt i kno gunner well n therefore felt like he deserved his time to shine in the rp so i beg of u pls plot w him looks at u all like :B

* axel auriant, cis man + he/him | you know gunner paxton, right? they’re twenty-two, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, four years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to bizarre love triangle by new order like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole curling up for days in bed wearing a hello kitty comfort shirt, stuttering in the face of affection, and hand me downs two sizes too big thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is july 31st, so they’re a leo, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( bri, 23, est, they/them )

background.

middle child of the paxton family, cliff being the eldest and wyatt being the youngest :D

they lived at the top of a hill in a trailer in a trailer park neighbourhood in laramie, wyoming so to say the least that fucking sucked for everyone involved

the trailer was so small that all 3 boys ended up sharing a room, gunner and wyatt sharing a bunk bed bc they cldnt fit 3 beds into one room it really was every childs nightmare bt they quickly grew used to it tbh

gunner was always more of an artsy child than invested in sports - though he does enjoy baseball and continued even to this day after their dad made him join SOMETHING in middle school - so he never rly earned their father’s respect, but he was always close with his mom since they had the same calm temperament

(depression/anxiety tw) he also gained a list of mental health issues that their mom had as well, including social anxiety and major depressive disorder

(violence/abuse tw) their father always encouraged pretty volatile behaviour and it caused a lot of physical fights and arguments between the brothers when their dad told them the best way to get over it was to start hurting until someone tapped out, it was just a chaotic and pretty abusive household but no one knew and their mom definitely wasn’t going to say anything about it to their dad

(missing child/kidnapping/anxiety/depression tw) wyatt went missing on a weekend that their parents were gone because of a trip they won, and things just got worse from there, high school was really rough for gunner, his anxiety grew worse as time went on that no one found wyatt, their dad grew more hostile towards them, cliff left home in the middle of the night never to be seen again (merely leaving a note so that the family didn’t think they had a case of two kidnapped children), and their mom just grew sicker, it was rare that she would ever leave her room and if she did it was in fits of random energy where she would do something spontaneous and completely unnecessary to their house as a way of coping

the two years that gunner was at home after cliff left were pretty brutal and as soon as he could, he was fleeing wyoming and going to school in irving

(internalized homophobia tw) things are far better now that he’s out of his home situation, but ofc he still has a few personal things he’s working thru; the paxton’s were raised in an incredibly religious household, and he’s got some classic Catholic Guilt going on upon realizing that he’s not jst attracted to women n he avoided talking abt it forever/stayed in the closet fr far too long bt he’s sort of come out now in his own way even tho he does still get a bit nervous talking abt it rly

he’s also ‘dealing’ rn (just pharmaceuticals) which is frankly funny to think abt bc this man is abt as threatening as a care bear bt money is tight all things considering and a librarian job doesn’t rly cover it, and with the amount of meds he’s on, plus incredibly frequent doctor’s visits, needing to pay for extra epi-pens, inhalers, etcs. bills add up so he’s cutting back his meds n selling wht he can spare which is . so unhealthy bt thts life in corporate america baybee!

details.

is literally allergic to everything. grass, cats, most fruits, milk, most nuts, bees, latex, probably more i cnt even keep up w them its pathetic

u can catch him strutting around town w his blinged out epipen holder (aka blinged out w pins of his fav horrors movies) LKSHDGKLHSKLDG

if things cldnt get worse he also has quite intense asthma so he carries an inhaler with him at all times

n to make matters even WORSE he frequently has dizzy spells n bad memory problems bc of all the concussions he’s suffered from (about 8-9 at this point) as well as consistent migraines that can b literally debilitating sometimes

awkward n jst a bit of a Weirdo to b frank like he barely knows how to converse with ppl

didnt have any friends in high school so took the time to teach himself rly weird things, knows a fuck ton of magic tricks, can yodel, juggle, solve a rubix cube with his eyes closed in under 30 seconds, just extremely weird and specific things

can honestly b a bit mean/barbaric to ppl he’s not close w/doesn’t kno - has told ppl to their face before he doesn’t enjoy talking to them bc he has no concept of social constructs/norms

loves 2 film random things at parties, makes him feel more comfortable at them n he makes short films of them all after

going off that fact he did a film internship in nyc during the summer and is trying to find a job in that field

doesn’t realize demisexuality is a thing so he’s never been that fond of sex but has this stigma in his mind that that makes him Broken so he still Tries n it jst doesnt go well tugs my shirt collar

connections.

ppl who r more into under the counter meds than Hard Drugs n buy off him?? probs wld have to kno him some way hes too scared to sell to Random randoms

ppl he went to school w? :D

some friends………. hes awkward bt he means well…………

ppl he has a crush on/unrequited crushes either way wtvr floats ur boat he crushes quite easily but never does anything abt it fr the most part

a mans he wld Risk It All fr (aka a guy tht he actually has a crush on n is Extra Awkward probs a lil mean to bc hes still New to That)

some enemies tbh, he has a temper n he tends to blow up rarely bt it happens n when it does it actually can b quite scary JKSHDGLHSDG

a muse….. mayhaps?? someone he always wants in his film projects

awkward past hook ups/one night stands where one of them cut ties off cuz every time they got together gunner acted like he was embalming a body for a funeral

current hook ups/fwb’s w ppl he’s actually close w/is comfortable w so its nowhere near as bad SDKHSLDGHKLSDGH

Anything u Desire

#irvingintro #depression tw #anxiety tw #violence tw #abuse tw #missing child tw #kidnapping tw #internalized homophobia tw #tugs my shirt collar at all those tws............. SLKDHGLKHSDGKLHSDKLGHSDG #as per usual i didnt proofread lets all pray bri didnt make a mistake.

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isitgintimeyet · 4 years

Text

Just A Friend

Hope you are all having a good weekend. I’m the only one awake, the sun is shining and I’m enjoying my coffee in peace and quiet. Bliss!

Thank you for the continuing support for this story. it’s lovely reading (and re-reading) all the comments.

Hope you enjoy this next chapter.

Thanks to @wickedgoodbooks for the beta.

AO3

Previous Chapter

Chapter 3: From Relationship To Release

You know, I’m a great believer in relationships. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes — take my relationship with Geillis, for example.

I met Geillis on my first day of postgraduate training at Glasgow Royal Infirmary. I was spending three months in orthopaedic surgery and she was just finishing her training as a theatre nurse. We somehow kept bumping into each other at social gatherings and found we had many things in common — a childish sense of humour, an intolerance of pomposity and snobbishness, and a love of cheesy rom-com movies.

From there, our friendship snowballed, and for many years now, I’ve called her my best friend. Even the arrival of a fiancé and her forthcoming nuptials haven’t lessened our relationship in any way. Our careers have developed in parallel too. So when a vacancy came up for a senior theatre sister at the Children’s hospital, I didn’t hesitate to recommend her for the post. We work well together. For all her joking around and flippant comments she is damn good at her job. And I love her.

I don’t think I love many people. I’m very fond of a lot of people, mainly my friends. But love? No. And certainly not the romantic, live-our-life-together type of love.

I see how it can work. I look at Robbie’s parents, for example. The way they are there for each other, supporting through all the worries with their son, their comforting touches and reassuring glances.They are a solid unit and I admire that.

I also see the way that Geillis’ face lights up when she talks about her fiancé, Dougal, and the way he watches her when we are all together in the pub. And I think it’s great, I really do.

But it’s not something that I’m seeking out for myself. I don’t think I’m cut out for that type of relationship. I don’t think there is someone out there, my soulmate, to spend the rest of my life with. And I definitely don’t think that I need someone else to complete me, make me whole.

That doesn’t mean that I’m a hermit. Far from it, in fact. I do date and enjoy it, but try to steer clear of any where-is-this-relationship-going type discussions.

It may well be to do with my childhood. I’ll admit, I’ve not had the most normal upbringing and that could have coloured my view of happily-ever-after love.

I’ve never been part of a conventional family unit. Well, I mean, I was for the first four years of my life —until my parents died in a car accident. And, at that age, how much can you remember? I do have some vague memories — rough tweed fabric against my cheek as my father’s strong arms lift me up, the smell of ‘Miss Dior’ perfume as my mother’s soft hands caress my cheek, the sound of laughter as we dance around the living room to Michael Jackson. But these are only fleeting recollections, ephemeral, gone in an instant.

All my real childhood memories are centred around one man — my uncle, Lambert Beauchamp. He, unhesitatingly, took me in when my parents died and became my guardian, my parent, my rock. He and I were a team, and I miss him every single day.

He was a confirmed bachelor, and I don’t mean that in a euphemistic way. He lived his life by his own rules and if he had been gay, he would have seen no reason to hide it. No, he had no need for romantic entanglements, no complicated relationships, no messy sexual encounters. He had two loves in his life — me and his work. He was a professor at the University, teaching archaeology and could, quite happily, get lost for hours in the bowels of the archives, studying ancient Somarian drinking vessels.

Growing up he was my role model, my yardstick against which to measure boys.

And over time, I've come to realise that I've always found myself attracted to the type of men which have certain ‘Lambert-esque’ qualities. Which leads me, I suppose, to Frank.

Just like my uncle, he’s a professor at the university. In history — more recent than Lamb’s studies only three hundred years ago, not three thousand. He’s single minded about his research, like my uncle, and he cares deeply about me, which makes me feel bad because I don’t feel the same way. Of course, I care about him, just not enough for a serious relationship that’s going somewhere.

All of this is a long winded way of saying what I’ve actually known for a while now... I need to break up with Frank.

*************

I’m just contemplating whether to brave the canteen or grab a sandwich from the hospital shop, when there’s a knock at my office door and a hand appears brandishing a couple of distinctive Gregg’s paper bags. This hand is closely followed by the rest of Geillis, who plonks herself down on one of my visitor chairs. A wonderful aroma of freshly baked goods wafts across the desk. My stomach rumbles in anticipation.

“Steak bake or sausage roll?” she asks as she places both bags on my desk, although she knows my preference.

“Ooh, how did you know I was just thinking about lunch?” I pick up one of the bags, the oozing gravy on its surface being a clear giveaway.

“We’ve been friends fer long enough,” Geillis smiles. “I ken what ye’re thinking. In fact, ye’ve something on yer mind right now. No’ a work thing. C’mon, spill.”

I swear, it’s uncanny. In the Middle Ages Geillis would undoubtedly have been tried as a witch. Her powers of deduction are that good.

I say nothing for a moment and focus on my lunch, blowing ineffectually on the hot meat filling.

“Weel? I’m waiting and ye ken I’m no’ a patient woman, Claire. This is tae do wi’ Frank, is it no’? Are ye planning on dumping him?”

See what I mean? Witchcraft.

“You make it sound so harsh. But I can’t carry on with Frank, he’s investing more into this… this—“

“Ye can say the word, Claire. Relationship… R… E…—“

“I know, I know. But I have to do something. I know Frank wants more than I want to give in this ‘relationship’.” I enunciate clearly just to make the point to Geillis. I’m not afraid of the word… I can say it.

“Anyway,” I add casually as I dab at the pastry crumbs with my finger. “I thought you’d be pleased. I know you’ve never liked him.”

Geillis tuts. “‘Tis no’ a matter of like. We jes’ havena got anything in common. He’s awfa serious and ye dampen yer personality down when ye’re with him. I’ve seen ye, ye canna deny it.”

I try to interject, but Geillis ignores my sounds of protest and carries on talking. “But it’s no’ jes’ Frank. Ye do this all the time, Claire. Whenever anyone tries tae get serious, ye run. What is wrong wi’ wanting a relationship anyway?”

“I have my work, I have my friends. I date, I go out with men, I have a good, if sporadic, sex life… and a trusty dual speed vibrator. What’s wrong with me wanting my life the way I want it?”

Geillis crams the end of her sausage roll into her mouth and chews vigorously for a minute. I pass her a paper serviette for her greasy hands. She gathers up the flaky pastry crumbs that have settled on her chest, wraps them in the serviette and pops it neatly in the bin.

“Ok, I get it. I’ll back off. But all I’m saying is dinna close yerself off tae the possibility of a real relationship, aye?”

Knowing she's gone as far as she can with this topic, she gets up and heads for the door. “Nae rest fer the wicked. Oh, and Claire, jes’ one thing…”

She pauses dramatically. “Dinna forget… ye’ve gravy on yer chin.”

And with that she disappears, leaving me with a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach caused by more than the calorie ridden pasty.

I am just settling down to dictate some patient letters when Frank texts to suggest dinner at my favourite Italian restaurant. This isn’t good. It’s a lovely restaurant, the kind of restaurant where special occasions are celebrated— birthdays, anniversaries, declarations…

So I have to lie… no, not lie, fib. I text back pleading a heavy day in theatre — aching feet, headache and so on.

His concerned response makes me feel bad. No need for fibbing, I do feel pretty shitty now. However, it also makes me more resolved to do what I have to do. I can’t drag this out, causing him more and more hurt. So, I invite him to my flat this evening instead.

*******

I have a final glance in the mirror in my bedroom. I do actually look a bit worn out. I haven’t really put any makeup on, just a touch of mascara and a slick of lipstick, which I have already managed to chew off.

My hair is, as per usual, a bit wild and untamed. I have a bathroom shelf full of products promising smooth and manageable curls, but have yet to find one that actually delivers on their promises. I tuck my hair behind my ears, pinch my cheeks to try to look a little less pale and head to the front door.

Frank is as punctual as ever. Unlike other things in my life, he’s always delivering on his promises. Which makes me feel even worse. I have nothing to accuse him of, no unacceptable behaviour— apart from wanting more than I’m prepared to give. That old cliché, “it’s not you, it’s me”, really is appropriate here. I’m going to try not to actually say those words though. He deserves more than that.

And so I take a deep breath and open the door. He stands there expectantly with two bottles of wine, one red and one white, in his hands.

“I wasn’t sure what we would be eating, so I got both just in case,” he volunteers as he walks in and leans close to me for a kiss.

I give him my cheek and make a fuss of taking the bottles from him to deflect my lack of affection.

He follows me into the lounge. I’m sure he notices that I make no offer to pour the wine. I set the wine on the coffee table and perch on the end of the settee.

Frank takes my hands. “Claire, darling, are you ok? Has it been a rough day?”

I shake my head. “It’s not been the best. Frank… I…”

I can’t even look at him now. I take a deep breath and plunge in. “Frank, I… the thing is… I don’t know how… I think we should stop seeing each other.” The words tumble out of my mouth like a deluge.

I finally look up as Frank releases my hands and walks over to the window. He stands still, his back to me, as if just taking in the view. Then he turns to face me, staring intently at me, scrutinising my face as if looking for a glimmer of hope. The silence is unbearable.

“Frank, it’s not you—“ I try to fill the void, by resorting to stale old clichés after all.

“Spare me that platitude.” He snaps at me. “We’re not fifteen. This was… is… serious to me, Claire.”

Frank now moves to sit next to me. His hand rests on my thigh, his fingers lightly drawing circles on my jeans. I watch for a moment. Am I supposed to move it? Should I remind him he no longer can touch me like this?

His voice softens. “I lo—“

“No, please, Frank. Don’t say it. Please don’t. You are such a nice man. You don’t deserve this.” Gently, I lift his hand and place it on his leg.

“Then don’t do it. Tell me, Claire, what do I have to do? What changes do I have to make for us to move forward? I’ll do it, tell me. We can make this work, I know.”

What do I say now? Anything I say will only hurt him more. All I can do is apologise and try to explain.

“I am sorry, really. It’s just, well, you want more than I can give. You think about a future—“

“And what’s wrong with that? That’s what most people want, Claire. Planning for a future together— a home, a family… our family.” Frank’s getting angry now, raising his voice.

“Please, I’m trying to explain. You want a future life together and I can’t give you that. I’m sorry that I’m hurting you.”

“Is there someone else? Is that what this is all about?”

I’ve been trying to remain composed, to give Frank the explanation he deserves. But this question annoys me beyond belief, as if I have to be one half of a couple.

“I can’t believe you asked that. No, it’s not about another man. I can’t be what you want me to be and that’s it.”

He stands up now, right in front of me. His hands are down by his sides, so tightly clenched into fists that his knuckles are white against the slight tan of his skin. For a fleeting nanosecond, I wonder if he is going to hit me. But, of course not, he’s just trying to gain control of himself.

“That’s it, then.” The words are spat out with venom.

“You know I’m sorry.”

He shrugs dismissively. “Of course. Well, goodbye.”

He makes for the door.

“What about the wine?” I indicate the two bottles, still on the table. It’s a pointless trivial comment, I know, but for some reason I don’t want him to think I expect to keep them.

Frank doesn’t even look over his shoulder. “Consider them a parting gift.”

And with that, he's gone.

I remain sitting motionless, processing what I’ve just done. It’s not easy hearing those words, but neither is it easy to have to say them. So many emotions are coursing through my body — sorrow, guilt, regret, self-reproach, worry. And in the midst of this maelstrom, there is one thing I can clearly recognise — a glimmering spark of relief.

#outlander fanfiction #outlander fan fic #Just a Friend #Jamie Fraser #Claire Beauchamp #bit more Geillis #Chapter 3

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rovewritesit · 4 years

Text

Angel Of My Dreams (Chapter 5) John Deacon x Reader Series

GIF: @johndeac

Apologies for the delay! Work has been an absolute shit fest. The big show I’m on got canceled, but we still have to finish the season at some point so oof. Also, my boss is moving to Italy? Pray for my sanity, folks.

Series Summary: After reluctantly joining a band with your childhood best friends, you are thrust into oncoming stardom with no sea legs and an overwhelming sense of anxiety. But you just might find your way, thanks to some seasoned pros by your side. And the interest of one particular bassist.

This series is a work of fiction and is loosely inspired by real people and events. Absolutely no offense is meant to actual Queen or their families.

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4

Pairing: John Deacon x Reader

Chapter Warnings: Strong language. Feelings of anxiety. Angst (oooo!)

Chapter Notes: I've rewritten this chapter so many times that I don't even know what it is anymore. Angst is hard, my dudes! Why can't it all be flirty glances and quick banter?!

Song/Title Inspiration: Angel - Fleetwood Mac

Songs Mentioned:

Moonlight in Vermont - Frank Sinatra

Blues Run The Game - Jackson C. Frank

Taglist: @yourlocalmusicalprostitute @brianmays-hair @deacyblues @squishy-geckboye @hae-bee @aprilaady @theresalexis @uglipotata72829

- - - - - - -

September 1982 - The Music Inn, New York City

“Bri, get a load of all these fucking maracas!”

Brian makes his way over to where Roger is gazing at a massive wall adorned with shaker-filled shelves, dipping his head low to avoid the sea of guitars hanging from the ceiling above his long frame.

Queen was back in New York for their first-ever appearance on Saturday Night Live. Finding time in between the intensive rehearsals during the week had been hard, but Freddie insisted they would make the time for his favorite New Yorkers. When the time was finally found, he, of course, was unavailable, off antiquing at some of Manhattan’s luxury spots but promised to meet up with the group later on.

The Limbs managed to snag the other three men for a trip to the historic Music Inn. Nestled in the heart of Greenwich Village, the dingy treasure trove was located a stone’s throw away from the city’s most prominent folk clubs that boasted discovering the talents of Bob Dylan and Simon & Garfunkel.

You were quite confident that your newfound English friends would love it. Every visible space was stuffed or covered with an abundance of musical paraphernalia. So much so that you had been in the store dozens of times without ever finding out what color the walls were. Its layout was always changing to fit the ever-growing amount of items displayed, the familiar specks of dust that sparkled in the sunlight being the only constants.

“Hey, Jeff!” Steve calls out to the eccentric owner. “Where are these from?”

The aging hippie shuffles over. “Mostly South America,” he explains in his usual gravelly drawl. “A customer brought back some new shekeres from West Africa last week that have a nice sound to them.” Jeff motions up the sprawling wall. Roger immediately grabs a few, testing the sounds out against the ones Steve is already playing with - the two of them like kids in a candy store.

Jeff had been a good friend to The Limbs since their early teen years, having let the group spend hours on end attempting to learn every exotic instrument they could get their hands on. Anyone who entered the shop could count on him as a spirit guide of sorts to a wealth of worldly music. And while The Limbs had kept their first album fairly plain in context, they were already itching, particularly Steve, to experiment on the next album. Whenever that would be.

Now that a few more of their singles were moderately successful hits, Columbia Records was focused on milking it for all that it was worth. The execs were currently setting up an extensive American tour of the Mid - West Coast part of the country, all the major cities they hadn’t hit on their first tour.

“Y/N,” Jeff gestures for you to follow him, probably excited to show you a new find seeing as you were always eager and willing to give them a test run. You make your way down the staircase lined with large balalaikas to the musty lower level filled with various sound equipment and electronic instruments.

“What on god’s green earth would you use that for?” you hear Rich’s deep voice implore. He rolls his eyes as Eddie moons over an ornately engraved mandolin.

“It worked for Rod Stewart, didn’t it? That mandolin solo in Maggie May shredded,” he retorts. “Plus, look how pretty she is!”

You watch your feet as you carefully maneuver around the amps and pedals haphazardly strewn around the floor, following Jeff to the back of the room - taking special care to step around John, who is crouched low looking over the wiring of a particularly grody-looking amp.

Upon entering the store, he had taken off on his own right away, immediately entranced by the sprawling selection all about him. But you had caught the worn, far-off look in his eyes when he greeted you with a short wave earlier. You try not to let the lack of attention bother you as you pass him without so much as a glance up. The heartfelt conversation you had the last time they were in town had rooted itself in your memory. Spilling your guts like you did that night wasn't a common occurrence for you- figuring you were already easy enough to read due to the panicked expression often etched onto your face.

Why him? Even your bandmates weren’t privy to the babblings of your intimate thoughts. It couldn’t just be his boyish tooth-gap or the pleasing line of his straight nose. Maybe it was the confusing mix of nerves and comfort you felt whenever in his presence. It was unlike the persistent butterflies you were used to when around attractive humans. Feeling instead like a gentle humming that you somehow sensed everywhere at once.

You’re brought out of your swimming thoughts as Jeff clears his throat loudly to get your attention. You must’ve been staring blankly at the floor for quite a while. He gestures to a bulky item draped in a tarp, as you give him a small apologetic smile.

“Oh yes, very pretty,” you smirk at him.

He rolls his eyes as he attempts to sweep the tarp off in a dramatic reveal, but in reality, it gets stuck. The man scrambles to uncover it, and as soon as it peeks out, you gasp.

“A theremin!”

You gaze at the ordinary-looking wooden cabinet in awe. It must be old, seeing as they were mostly compact now.

“You haven’t had one in ages,” you marvel, locking eyes with Jeff.

“Which means it’s been a while since I’ve heard your ambient screeches plaguing these walls.”

Your finger points to him in protest. “Hey, I was getting better until you sold the last one on me!”

“Well, I didn’t see you making a bid for it,” he playfully shrugs.

“Let’s hear those screeches!” Eddie yells out. Rich claps his hands excitedly beside him. You poke your tongue out at them, but your eyes catch John’s, and you quickly close your mouth. Still crouched, he looks on with mild curiosity wrinkled on his brow. He lightly raises them at you in silent encouragement.

You slowly make your way behind the instrument as Jeff plugs it into the wall. Turning one of the knobs, it hums to life as you check the metal attachments protruding from the wood frame. It really is old. You have no idea how to even begin to calibrate it. Taking a deep breath, you timidly bring your hands up in position.

It lets out a high pitched wail that burns your ears from being so close, and you yank your hands away from the field of current. Eddie and Rich erupt into cheers while John slowly stands, moving a bit closer to see the mechanism properly.

Jeff lightly pushes you back towards it in a gentle coax. This time you slowly bring your curled hand a reasonable distance away from the pitch antenna, keeping your other low on the one for volume. Squeezing your eyes shut to focus on the tone, you slowly move until you find your starting note. It was all about sense memory and your ears to fill the gaps with nothing to physically touch.

Uncurling your fingers, you begin the opening notes of Moonlight in Vermont - the one song you had somewhat taught yourself through hours of painstaking practice. You fumble a bit, eliciting a squeak or two while trying to remember the hand placements that produce the proper notes. While you might “play” many instruments, you were middling at many, master of none. You make it through the first verse before your head starts to pound from your jaw-clenched concentration.

“Fuck the mandolin, let’s get that for the next album!” you hear Rich tell Eddie.

“Ah, yes, you’ve heard Pet Sounds. Now prepare your ears for The Limb’s sophomore attempt, Ghost Sounds,”

Their banter is drowned out as John chimes in. “How on earth did you learn that?” You meet his struck expression and shrug lightly.

“Don’t downplay it, Bun. It’s pretty fucking cool,” Rich assures you. “And her knowing ASL also helps,” he explains to John.

“Sign language?”

“Oh yeah, Y/N’s mom is deaf,” Eddie reveals bluntly. You shoot him a look.

“Sorry, hard of hearing,” he holds his hands out in defense.

John is silent for a moment as he mulls the information over, causing a speck of tension in the room.

“Your mother’s never heard you sing?” he asks incredulously as if he can’t possibly imagine it.

You give a small smile. “No, I guess she hasn’t. But I was in the car with her the first time I heard us on the radio. I turned the treble down and the bass all the way up and she bopped along to the beat pretty well.”

Rich chuckles lightly at the story. “She’s always been hoot, hasn’t she?”

You nod gently. “Aptly put. That’s how she describes herself as a matter of fact.”

John shoves his hands deep in his pockets as he takes a look around the room, his cheeks a light pink. You're unsure of why.

“I’m gonna head out for a quick smoke,” you decide, patting Jeff on the shoulder. “I know how you hate it.”

He gives your hand a light squeeze before you make your way upstairs, hoping to catch John’s eyes, but he avoids yours yet again.

A pleasing blend of harmonies can be heard as you hit the landing. You peek your head around a large assortment of bongos to find Brian strumming a small acoustic on the other side of the store. Roger, Steve, and Lawrence all crammed around, the four of them singing a rendition of Blues Run the Game.

Your heart warms at the sight, remembering the times when you and the boys would sit around a campfire and croon out the same sad tune. Eddie and Rich will be pissed they missed this. Steve notices your presence and silently ticks his head for you to come join. You hold up your pack of Marlborough’s in response to him before finally slipping out the front, trying your best to not jingle the adorned bells too much.

A cool breeze promptly passes through the knit of your sweater. It’s late September, and New York has begun to really cool off. You pull down the sleeves to cover your hands as you light your cigarette, wincing a bit on the first inhale. It was a leftover habit from your college days- scarcely used, only in social situations, or to get out of awkward ones.

Taking in the familiar street, you can’t help but giggle at the day you were having. To be showing Queen around your old hangout still felt absurd. No matter how genuinely they seemed to like the company of your band, you couldn’t fathom them wanting to spend the day with you all. Weren’t there bigger and better musicians in this city to be hanging out with?

The sound of a lighter flicking to life comes from your left, and you turn. John leans against the faded wall as he takes a drag, his eyes trained on the dirty sidewalk.

“I’m sorry, i- if I offended you with my comment about your mother,” he professes quietly.

Your brows shoot up in confusion. “What?”

“We have a friend whose father is deaf. A lovely man. I shouldn’t have been so insensitive.” He sighs, finally turning to face you. “It’s just that the memory of hearing your voice for the first time isn’t something one can easily shake. I mean that in a way that- it’s just a shame really. For her to not be able to share in it when it’s something so...” he looks as if he’s racking his brain for an appropriate word. “Well, singular.”

You suck in a breath at his words. In all your years, you had never gotten that as a response to your mother’s disability. It was mostly a polite, “Oh, really? I’m so sorry to hear that.” His honesty and consideration for your feelings knock the present hum of your body up to 100.

You flinch as gentle burning hits your fingers, and you look down at your forgotten cigarette, quickly flicking it to the ground before crushing it under your heel. John shifts his weight from side to side, never taking his eyes off of you while he waits for you to collect your thoughts.

“I write out my lyrics for her so she can read them as poems,” you state simply, smiling up at him. “Sometimes she makes up her own melodies and sings them around the house. It’s not the easiest on the ears, but she’s pretty inventive.” His eyes crinkle as he returns your grin - his first genuine one of the day.

“So she’s heard music before?”

“Oh yeah. She has nerve deafness, which didn’t start till her late twenties. She actually spent a lot of time around here when she was younger. Bitter End and The Gaslight are just a few blocks away.”

He hums lightly as he stares at you- like you’re a puzzle whose pieces are just beginning to fit together.

“Can you teach me something in sign language?”

Once again, your brows shoot up, shocked by his response. You blink a few times, trying to think of what to say. Going with the only thing that pops to mind, you sign out a phrase as he watches your hands intently.

“And what does that mean?”

You smirk, “You are a cheesy cow.”

“I’m sorry?” he laughs out.

You repeat it back slowly while signing along. “You. Are. A. Cheesy. Cow. It’s the first thing my mother taught me how to sign.”

He runs his hand over his jaw as he chuckles. “Rich was right. A hoot she must be.”

“I’m pretty shit, to be honest, and she read lips, so it’s mostly used for snide comments during extended family gatherings.”

You watch as he puts out his cigarette and carefully takes a step closer to you. “I’m assuming your colourful vocabulary extends to those instances as well.”

“Right you are.”

“Freddie will love that,” he snickers. “He always seems to collect vulgarities in other languages wherever we go.”

Your attention is torn away as a sleek black car rolls up to a stop at the curb. It’s out of place in the middle of the street filled with old and worn buildings, which can similarly describe the people who mill about.

“Speak of the Queen herself,” you laugh as a sunglass-clad Freddie steps onto the sidewalk.

“Oh, isn’t this quaint!” he exclaims, peering into the shop window. He straightens as he turns to you, hands-on-hips.

“Deacy. Thumper. Are we fans of freezing our tits off, or shall we go inside?”

You give John a small smile and push yourself off the wall, making your way over to Freddie, who immediately pulls you into a bone-crushing hug. The bells against the door ring out as you all enter the shop.

“Ah, Deacy,” Brian pokes his head out from one of the narrow aisles, still in a constant crouch to avoid the instruments above his head. “I was looking for you. Found these adorable teeny guitars I thought might be good to bring back for the kids. What do you think?”

“Kids?” you mumble to yourself as John makes his way over to inspect them.

“Brian has two, and John’s already up to 3. Maybe we should’ve nicknamed him Bunny.” Freddie laughs, nudging your arm. “You know… fucking like rabbits,” he expands due to your lack of chuckling.

He leans into your field of vision as he studies your statue-like expression, eyebrows knit in confusion. His eyes take in your ashen face and your lifeless expression. You weren’t even sure if you were breathing. When you lock your eyes with his, you know he understands from the sheer size of how big they become. He straightens up, glancing around quickly as if looking for something to put out a fire.

“Freddie!” Steven dances over, clicking a pair of castanets in his hands. “I wanted to show you thi-”

“So sorry, love, we can’t. Y/N promised to come to a fitting with me, and we’re already late," he announces loudly, pulling you by the arm and out the door before anyone can react.

- - - - - - -

You blankly stare at your reflection in the long mirror. Freddie had instructed his stylist to pull some outfits for you to parade around in as he tried on a bevy of metallic coats.

“You’re an idiot,” you tell the girl staring back at you.

Freddie sashays over, a shag jacket swaying with him as he places his hands on your shoulders, surveying the strappy dress you were currently squeezed into.

“Oh yes, this will do for the after-party,” he instructs.

“I’m not going.”

He heaves a deep sigh. “Darling, you already refused the ticket I got you for the show. You’re coming to the party,” he declares, turning away to look at more options.

“This isn’t really me…” you mumble, gesturing to the dress.

He regards you with a small smile. “Exactly. I say this with love, but you need a look, Y/N. Something that makes you feel unstoppable,” he gestures to his body as he twirls towards you. “Don’t you want to shock them?”

You chew your lip as you ponder that sentiment. Dawn usually just shoved you into whatever ensemble she had picked for you - leather jackets, monochromatic sets, tight jumpsuits. She kept hoping you’d find a style you fancied, but you had yet to find anything remotely likable under the lights of the stage.

“To be honest, I just want to be able to feel comfortable out there," you sigh. "But I can’t strut around in flashy outfits or conduct a whole crowd like you do." Huffing as you collapse onto one of the white couches around you. He perches beside you, throwing an arm around the back of the sofa.

“Then don’t,” he says simply.

You snort a response as you cross your arms over your chest.

“I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but have you tried showing them a bit more of yourself?”

“I can’t do that.”

He turns to you now, grabbing your attention with his eyes.

“And why not?” he questions.

You gaze down at your hands, which you’re now wringing together in your lap. “What if it’s nothing spectacular?” you whisper out the criticism that you'd drilled into your mind for the past year.

Freddie laughs lightly as he stands. “Let’s not start lying to ourselves, shall we?” He moves in front of you and kneels, now at eye level, making so you can’t look away.

“Sometimes people go to a concert for an escape. A big bloody show with dazzling lights and petite men galavanting around a stage in spandex tights,” he smiles.

“But most of the time they just want to find a piece of themselves in it, don’t they? Commonality. They want to hear you, see you, and feel just a little less alone than we all know we are. I saw just a slice of it at your concert, and it was indeed something spectacular. So take that as you will.”

You’re not one to cry much, but your eyes soften as you take in the icon of a man in front of you. A man loved by millions, who was currently filling in as your personal rock n’ roll fairy godmother.

“You’re a fantastic person, you know that?” you tell him genuinely.

“Yes,” he quips as he gets to his feet. “Now, are we done scurrying around the real problem at hand?”

You sigh as you look away, firmly willing yourself not to break the dam of bottled emotions threatening to spill out. Why couldn't you just feel numb? It would be better than the wave of childish self-pity you found yourself in.

Freddie huffs at your reaction. “Oh, you brat. Sorry to tell you, but you’re an open book, my dear. And not one of those big pompous things Brian reads. A bloody children’s book. One filled with pictures.”

You're sure you’ve now bitten through the entire top layer of your lip as you contemplate how to even begin.

“I’m an idiot,” you shrug to yourself yet again.

“No,” he points a finger at you. “You’re decidedly not. Though I am curious as to how someone who’s as big of a fan as your friends say you are, missed out on that detail.”

“I’m not sure either. I mean, I listen to your albums and go to your show, but I guess I didn’t pour over the tabloids or press interviews or anything like that.”

Freddie nods along as he sifts through another rack of jackets, choosing an incredibly tight white leather number.

“I assumed you knew,” he answers while glancing at his reflection. “And I would say Deacy should know better, but he’s not quite himself at the moment.”

“What do you mean?” you press, suddenly much more interested in the conversation.

He turns to you, palms up in explanation. “It’s not that he wouldn’t normally be charmed by your shy presence and occasionally crass mouth… But I’m a bit worried he’s finding comfort in your smiles for the wrong reasons.”

“Huh?”

Sighing heavily as if debating if he should keep skirting around his words, he holds your gaze. “An impending divorce is crippling lonely, even if it is somewhat amicable.”

His mouth is brought into a pout as you suck in a sharp breath.

Divorce. All your previous interactions play through your head from a different angle. Pity sneaks up on you as you remember John’s advice he’d given you. The concept of home is a funny thing. You scoff out loud at how your childlike crush had skewed your interpretation of your relationship with the man.

“I’m usually the one singing his praises,” Freddie muses, breaking you out of your inner monologue of resentment towards yourself. “But he seems more lost than usual at the moment.”

He gently lifts your chin. “I don’t normally meddle in- well, actually I do. Just don’t want to see you get hurt, Bunny. Not when the world is soon to be at your feet.”

"I'm fine," you lie, gently brush away his gesture. "I barely even know the guy. I was just shocked to have my silly fascination with him interrupted. Stupid, really."

"Don't do that," he exhales. "Don't put it on yourself. You'd have to be blind to ignore the fact that he's quite taken with you."

"I'm fine," you repeat, making your way into the back to change out of the ridiculous dress that suddenly felt even tighter now.

Shutting the door slowly, you let out a deep breath. It's all good, you tell yourself. Of course you got caught up in the attention of a world-renown musician. Who wouldn't? It's nothing special. As Freddie said, he's not even acting like himself. Although you were indeed in true form- getting caught up by the slightest of interactions. Unconsciously playing them as a loop in your head. You can't help but cringe at your own escalation of the situation.

Squaring your shoulders, you take in the image of yourself in the dress again. Perhaps it was time for you to shock them all.

- - - - - - -

“And so my grandfather goes out to the alley and sees her just wailing on this scrawny man. I mean, really going to town. So he pulls her off him, and the dude’s got a black eye and a bloody nose. And he’s like, “Thanks mate, thought she was gonna kill me there.”

Roger ruffles your hair in response to your poor attempt at a British accent. The group of cast and crew around you chuckle at the gesture.

You had decided that if you were going to be forcibly dragged to this after-party by your bandmates, you would at least aim to make it worthwhile. A debut of your new mentality. One where you weren't just acting the part of a rising rock star, but living it.

Which is why at the moment, you found yourself the center of attention, surrounded by the cast and crew of SNL laughing along to your amusing story. But this was all hinged on you carefully, avoiding the presence of John Deacon at all costs. Which, in reality, wasn't very hard to do- you had yet to see him since arriving an hour ago.

“Oh my god, who was it?!” the young cast member beside you presses. You think her name is Julia, but the sheer amount of people you'd been introduced to was dizzying.

"That's exactly what we asked him when he told us. All he said was that it was some man with big lips who was in a fur coat and looked like he hadn't eaten in a month..."

The cam op across from you gasps, "It was MICK JAGGER? God bless your grandfather, I would've wept if she murdered him."

"So would my mom AND grandmother," you laugh. "Give us each a glass of wine, and it's basically a Mick fan club."

"Who else?" Brian taps your leg, surprisingly urging you to divulge more gossip.

You can't help but smirk as the group leans forward intently.

"Robin Williams?" you tease as their eyebrows all raise.

"Horrible tipper, but he makes up for it by performing dirty puppet shows with the napkins."

"Sounds about right," funnyman Brad Hall confirms, offering you another drink.

You politely decline, determined to keep your wits about you this evening. "I'm gonna go grab some water. Anyone want anything?"

The group shakes their heads, but Lawrence jumps up to join you on your trek to the crowded bar.

"Wouldn't it be insane if this was us one day?" he exclaims as you weave your way through the mass of bodies littering the Capitol Grill.

You smile up at him, "Dream big, buddy."

"Oh, I intend to," he confirms you as you spot Eddie and Rich waving you over from a spot at the bar.

Rich promptly wraps his arm around your shoulders as you join them. He always had a stoic way of letting you know he saw through the cracks in your poorly constructed armor. Taking the role of a caring older brother, more so than your own.

"Have we lost Steve again?" Lawrence asks the group.

Eddie nods across the room. "He's exactly where you think he'd be," he scoffs as you catch a glimpse of Steve, trailing Freddie like a lost puppy.

"Um, excuse me?" a short girl mumbles from behind Eddies' denim-clad shoulder. He turns, glancing down.

"Hiya," he regards her casually, causing her a deep blush to creep across her cheeks. She shoves a napkin and pen at him.

"C-could I get an autograph? Please?"

Eddie smirks at her flustered appearance, making sure to brush her fingers as he grabs the items out of her trembling hand.

"And what beautiful name should I be making this out to?"

She lets out a jarring high pitched giggle as she stumbles over her words. "Oh, uh, Shelley."

"Well, here ya go, Shelley," he hands the napkin back to her, now adorned with his messy scrawl. "Maybe I'll see you later."

She squeaks as she hurries back to her shrieking friends who are huddled conspicuously off to the side.

"Gross," you state. "She's a child. Probably one of the executive's kids."

He rolls his eyes dramatically. "Gotta keep em' interested, Bun. As the heartthrob of the group, it's my sworn duty."

"Slow your roll there, Rob Lowe," Rich interjects. "I think Y/N's giving you a run for your money in this dress."

You glance down at the Freddie approved ensemble. It was eye-catching for sure, precisely what you were going for. It's black suede straps crisscrossed strategically against your body, giving peaks of the skin underneath.

"It looks good, Bun," Rich assures you.

“Guys,” you all turn your attention to Steve, who has just joined the circle clumsily. His pupils are blown wide from his current blood alcohol content, and he sways slightly on his heels.

"I- I have something to say," he announces to the group, getting your attention. You all wait patiently as he hesitates, clearing his throat twice before lowering his voice. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m gay.”

You glance around to the other boys whose expressions mirror your own warm smile. You’d all known Steve was gay since high school, not that any of you had talked about it. You had just assumed it was something unspoken. That he’d tell you whenever he was ready or met someone good enough to introduce to you all.

Steve gapes at your expressions. "Where is the shock? I was expecting shock and awe, people!"

"Steve, please don’t take this the wrong way. But I’m assuming we’ve all known for a while," Rich says gently. You all nod lightly in agreement.

"How?"

"Do you remember the types of girls who used to throw themselves at you? Like Becky Whale? Man, I would’ve killed for Becky Whale to throw something at me. But you never took them up on it," Lawrence elaborates.

Steve smiles around at all of you, his shoulders visibly relaxing.

“I had a crush on Eddie in high school,” he confesses.

Eddie pumps his fist lightly. “Fuck yeah.”

“Oh, c’mon!” Lawrence exclaims. “You just had to boost that ego, didn’t ya? I know pretty boys are great and all, but I’m the one with the big soft cuddles. People love big soft cuddles!”

Rich expands his arms as he brings you all in for a hug.

You kiss Steve gently on the cheek. “I’m proud of you, bud,” you whisper.

"Thank you guys, I just felt like it was time. And now that that's out of the way," Steve grunts as you all untangle yourselves. “I’m gonna go find Freddie. He said he’s taking me out to a club after this!”

He skips away with a grin, back towards Freddie, who catches your eye with a knowing smile and winks. It seems you weren’t the only band member who had found a fairy godmother in Mr. Mercury.

You all lightly laugh affectionately at your friend until Eddie and Lawrence wander off to scope out the food situation. You lean against the bar next to Rich, glancing around at the loud laughter erupting from the outgoing crowd. One person noticeably sticks out. A sullen John Deacon sits at the end of the bar, hunched over what looks like a glass of whiskey.

"Looks like he's in need of a friend," Rich surmises.

You tear your eyes away from the sorry sight to look at him. "They're around here somewhere," you shrug.

He rubs your arms up and down lightly before slinking into the crowd, knowingly leaving you alone.

You sneak a peek over at John. He runs one hand through his curls as the other absentmindedly stirs the straw of his sweating drink. You watch him sigh, bringing the glass to his lips and gulping down the spirit without so much as a wince.

Hesitantly making your way over to him, you rub your clammy hands over the expensive material of your dress. This is the opposite of avoidance, you scold yourself, silently willing your feet to change direction. But your willpower has seemingly left the building.

You carefully perch yourself on the stool next to his, as not to disturb his brooding. He glances over quickly, doing a double-take when he realizes who it is.

"Oh, hello there," he greets you with a small smile. "I didn't know you had arrived."

You nod your head lightly. "How could you? It seems you set up camp over here."

"Ah, yes," he breathes, straightening his posture. "Wasn't our best tonight, I'm afraid. Not much to celebrate."

You take a sip of your water as you continue to nod silently.

"Actually," he begins, angling his body towards yours, almost slipping off his stool as you notice his apparent intoxication. "I was thinking about that conversation we had. When I met your spritely grandfather."

"Oh?" you question. Keeping your face neutral even though your heart was already buzzing at the fact.

"Yes. Mostly about how naive I was—all that bloody nonsense about finding a home. Do me a favor and never take my advice, will you? You'll end up completely wrecking yours."

This was a bad idea.

"It's just- you draw these lines for yourself in the sand," he drawls, waving his hands about in front of him. "A stupid phrase, really. Where did it even come from?"

"The Bible," you tell him quietly.

He lets out a big sigh, rolling his head back to stare at the ceiling.

"Well, it's gotten it wrong before, hasn't it?"

You simply hum an acknowledgment, too scared to probe for fear of where this was going.

"Anyway, you draw these lines. Moral, physical, promises you make to yourself, things you swear you’d never do, dreams to accomplish," he lists out. "But sand moves about, dunnit? It blows all over the place. Makes a mess. Gets in your sandwich. And those lines blur. Or fade away. And all of a sudden, you've crossed them without even knowing! Broken those promises. Skipped right over those dreams."

He's too far gone in his rant to register the growing panic sweeping across your features.

"You were right. Sometimes you look in the mirror, and it's just a complete stranger staring back at you, isn't it?"

Trying to keep your breathing steady, you stare at the crumbling man before you. He runs his large hands along his face before ducking back into his former position, signaling for the bartender to bring him another drink.

This is precisely why you should've stuck to your original plan. What were you supposed to say to the man who was so obviously hurting from his failed marriage? So much so that it was pouring out of him. You know that if it weren't for the alcohol, he wouldn't be confiding any of this to you.

But there was a reason the boys called you the mom of the group, and it wasn't because you were the only female. You feel a pang of need to comfort him. You gaze at him, not with pity, but an overwhelming sense of empathy for the man and make up your mind.

You clear your throat to answer, brushing away your own warnings about how it would only sink you deeper into your fascination with him.

"I was wrong, actually," you start as he brings his head up to look at you. "And you know what phrase I hate? That people don't change."

He furrows his brow but remains silent as you continue.

"Maybe we're not made up of lines in the sand. Maybe we're the wind?" You try not to cringe at yourself and your poor use of metaphor. "And winds sometimes blow in different directions... but that's okay because it's where life is supposed to take them." Falling silent, you decide to quit while you’re ahead.

You're not ahead. You're not even out of the gate. What the fuck was that?

A slow smile inches onto his face as he holds your stare. "How did you get so wise for someone your age," he teases.

"And what age would that be?"

His mouth opens and closes as he studies your face. "Twenty?"

"Mm, close. Twenty-four."

"Really?" he ponders. "Freddie mentioned you dropped out of university."

"Ah, yes. The university I could only go to after working to afford it," you explain.

He continues to stare, the look in his eyes shifting slightly as he takes you in. A look that matches the color and intensity of uncharted, open water. You need to get out of here.

"Well, that explains your extraordinary use of analogy then."

Dragging your eyes off of his, you glance around at the party you were missing. Gladly missing, unfortunately.

"I should go check on Steve. He's having a bit of a night," you tell him as you stand. "Try not to drown yourself in those," gesturing to the new glass of whiskey in front of him.

"How can I drown myself? I thought I was the wind," he points out with a grin.

Before any more banter can ensue, you simply smile and make your way back to your friends. Thinking to yourself that maybe lines in the sand weren't so bad. And that perhaps it was time for you to start drawing some of your own.

#john deacon #john deacon fic #john deacon imagine #john deacon x reader #angelofmydreams

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sergeant-angels-trashcan · 3 years

Note

for the otp game gimme the og pairing, kate and Matt Murdock c'mon u kno u want to

Getting back to my ROOTS love it

1. What was their first impression of each other?

“WHOMST this garbage can?” with a side of “oh no he’s hot” for Kate like, okay, it was more of a “oh you’re a COMPETENT garbage can” but still, a garbage can.

2. What is their ship name?

Mattkate? amongst my various playlists and document names they are also “feathers and horns” and “evil eyes and daring dodos” “

3. Describe their relationship dynamic.

garbage just kidding. in a lot of ways they are opposites attracting--Kate is good with big plans but has trouble with details while Matt is ALL about details. Kate is a contingency planner, while Matt is more impulsive--at least when fighting crime. Kate has a LOT more practical experience than Matt does. That’s flipped in their romantic relationship--Matt’s more likely to slow play something or be cautious while Kate has a “ah fuck it” mentality. Go for broke, fix the damage later

4. What was their relationship like before they got together?

pftpfpfpf antagonistic but in a dumb way, like, both of them constantly spiritually eyerolling at each other but also secretly impressed with the other’s skill. they were weirdly touchy-feely with each other early on in their friendship, due to checking on each other’s injuries, etc (weird for them, not weird touching)

5. How would they describe each other?

they both think the other is reckless which all of their friends would think was hilarious if they all also didn’t have a stash of bloodstained towels that are Matt and Kate’s fault

Matt thinks Kate is one of the strongest people he’s ever met, and she’s...not forgiving, exactly, but always willing to give people a chance. he also thinks she’s really funny.

Kate describes Matt as simultaneously the smartest person she’s ever met and the dumbest person she knows. He’s brave, selfless to a fault, and has a “look at all the fucks i give” mentality that she really admires

6. What do they love about each other?

Matt loves Kate’s determination and her steadfastness. In a lot of ways, she’s easily distractible, terrible with time, but if she says she’s there for you, she’s there, no matter what. She’s also not afraid to tangle with powerful people, so the have that in common,

Kate loves Matt’s “Stick it to the man” attitude, how deeply he cares for his friends, and that he’s normal, mostly, but saw a problem and decided to do something about it.

7. What do they have in common?

concussions

also looking at people they have no business tangling with and fucking with them anyway.

8. What are some differences between them?

Kate is very aware that she’s human. This is something she’s aware of in fights and forgets after, so she’s bad at taking care of herself.

Matt knows he’s human and ignores this fact during fights but is VERY aware of after. So he makes sure Kate takes care of herself.

Matt also angsts a lot more than Kate about the morality and legality of vigilantism, whereas Kate’s been doing this since before she could vote so she’s kind of over it. Matt also has a lot more doubt over being a superhero and Kate’s all in.

9. What made them realize they were in love?

they’ve lowkey been in love for most of their relationship, honestly, so for both of them it was a lot of little things building up over time. One morning Kate was tying Matt’s tie for court and he had a split lip--he was going over his opening statement, drumming his fingers on her hips and she just went ah. that’s what this feeling is. it wasn’t like, a startling revelation, just something that settled back in her gut, something that was always there.

Matt realized he loved Kate, like, truly madly deeply, one day listening to her snoring in the vents between his office and hers. Looking back, though, he thinks he first started falling in love with her when she threatened to get into a physical altercation with Stick

10. What are their love languages?

cuddling. they’re SUPER physically affectionate. or not even affection, just touching to check in on each other.

they also bandage each other’s wounds

11. Do they get married? Who proposes and how?

i know nobody will believe me but I DON’T KNOW!!!! Because Kate doesn’t see the point but Good Catholic Boy Matt MUST GET MARRIED. Matt probably resigns himself to them never getting married and then Kate proposes to him after some fancy event--basically her in a full length evening gown on one knee (that pops very loudly) and Foggy whooping in the background.

That, or one of them is hospitalized and there’s some Shenanigans with letting the other in and Matt’s like “never again. we’re getting married,” and Kate’s like “fine but we’re using my insurance” (while she’s hooked up to an IV and oxygen)

it’s the least romantic thing ever but both of them think it’s PEAK romance and get very sappy and emotional about it. Sister Maggie is over the moon. Father Latte is stoked. They are completely unaware of the fact that Kate actually has to be convinced to have a Cathoic-ish wedding, and that Clint is very upset he’s not allowed to perform the ceremony

Kate’s dress is fabrics Matt likes to listen to against her skin. Matt wears a burgundy tux with an arrow tie bar.

12. What would happen if they never met? Matt’s life is the show, Kate probably winds up back in California. I hate to be like “Matt dies young” but that’s what happens, folks.

13. Who dies first? How does the other one react? this isn’t real life. fuck death. also, considering Matt has been missing, assumed dead, i can say Kate reacts Not Well, takes down a drug smuggling ring, becomes invested in Frank Castle as a human person, (re)joins SHIELD, and teaches Karen self-defense (seriously, it’s like...a whole thing I started writing)

14. Are there any love rivals? Frank Castle, Elektra Natchios, and movie!Matt. Two of those have polyamory potential. one is just getting his ass kicked

15. Describe your favorite moment of that ship!

their UST cuddle sessions. where they’re like “we’re not cuddling” but they TOTALLY are

16. What do other characters think about this relationship?

mostly varying shades of “oh my god, they’re gonna die”. Most of their friends think it’s cute--Frank Castle doesn’t get it at all, Foggy sometimes wonders if Kate is a bad influence. Father Latte LOVES them together, can’t wait to marry them. Clint doesn’t think Matt’s good enough for Kate, but that’s pretty typical.

17.Describe or write a really fluffy scene!

this is a post-midland scene where father latte yoinks Kate into the church

Sister Maggie glares and bitches—who knew nuns bitched?--but the other bed gets pushed up against Matt’s. Kate’s not entirely certain what Sister Maggie thinks is going to happen—Matt’s clearly not in any position to do much more than sleep and moan in misery—but the nun’s eyes soften a bit when she sees Matt’s hand still clasped between Kate’s.

“I’m not leaving him,” Kate repeats, aware that she’s starting to sound like a petulant child and not much caring.

It’s done, though, and Kate lays on her side, facing Matt and still holding his hand like it’s a lifeline. Exhaustion settles around her like a heavy blanket and Kate fights through it to wriggle just a little bit closer to Matt, close enough to press her forehead against his arm, remembering other times they’d slept like this that seem so long ago.

…

Matt doesn’t wake so much as he slowly drifts toward consciousness. There’s something different about it this time, something he can’t quite remember that makes him anxious and excited all at once.

Someone is holding his hand, something is warm all along his side, and even though his hearing is muffled, Matt can hear someone crying out.

He breaks the surface and gasps for air.

So much pain, his leg feels like it’s on fire and his skull feels two sizes too small and his ribs crackle with pain every time he breathes.

But something--

Someone is holding his hand, hugging his arm and he can’t smell or hear or taste but the calluses and the scars are familiar and Matt's heart leaps into his throat.

“Kate,” he croaks, squeezing at her hand while tugging at her arm. “Kate, it’s nightmare, wake up.”

Matt can’t even count on one hand the number of times that method of waking Kate up has worked, mostly because it never has, but this time, someone’s looking out for them because it does.

Kate jerks upright, her breath coming in sharp pants that echo in the silence, loud enough that even Matt can hear. Her hand tightens around his as she catches her breath, gulping in enough air to make a sad, heartbreaking little noise. “It’s real, you’re alive?”

Matt doesn’t respond because he’s using what little energy he has to reach for her with his free hand, his fingertips clumsily bumping against her cheek.

She makes that sad little noise again, one that Matt knows would rip right through him if he wasn’t already in excruciating pain.

She’s leaning over him, then, the tips of her hair brushing against his bare skin before she’s raining kisses on his face, light, gentle, sweet kisses.

This is familiar, Matt thinks, feeling like this might have happened a few hours earlier, before someone changed the room so she could lay down next to him.

He doesn’t know how to comfort her. Before—this, before everything, he would have listened to her heartbeat before deciding if he should ask her if she wanted pressure or space. And he would have either scooted to the far edge of the bed, or he would have rolled on top of her, setting his weight on her to keep her grounded and present.

18. Describe or write a really angsty scene!

sooo uhhh not strictly mattkate but from a wip where Matt doesn’t let Kate know he survived the explosion at midland and Kate stumbles into the punisher season 1 storyline uhhh i have nothing to say for myself

“He left me.”

“What?” Frank’s thunderous gaze is fixed on Kate now, and she falters under it.

“Matt. He, um. When he. At Midland,” she stumbles through the thought and Frank softens. “he didn’t just—I don’t know what Karen told you—he didn’t just die—he--he stayed. Her name was Elektra.” Kate takes a deep breath and it’s like she’s rehearsed this, how she would say it and the words come too easy.

“She was he ex-girlfriend, former love, from college. She came back into his life about the same time we met you. And it was rough, you know? They still had feelings for each other, but he picked me—or maybe he didn’t, maybe it was because she died and that made the choice for him. There’s a lot of magic bullshit in this story,” Kate answers Frank’s unspoken question. “And it was magic bullshit that brought her back to life, only not quite right. Not quite human. She’s who they were fighting at Midland.” Her eyes prickle hot with tears as she says the worst part, the part her mind worries like a dog with a bone when she can’t sleep at night. “He chose. To, to not let Elektra die alone, he chose her over me. He decided that life with me was worse than death with her,” and there it is, the whole ugly, painful truth, I wasn’t enough, it was Elektra all along, and it burns the back of her throat, it constricts her chest. The tears burn tracks down her cheeks, cooling along her jaw. “I hate him. He made me believe—I thought what we had was real. I thought he loved me--”

Her voice breaks on a sob she can no longer contain, and all at once Frank surrounds her, his arms crushing her to his chest, his gentle shushing ruffling her hair. “Hey there, sweetheart, hey, it’s all right. He loved you, anyone could see that. He could have gotten trapped, could have gotten hit in the head, we don’t know.” His hands drag up and down her spine. “I’m right here, sweetheart, it’s okay.”

19. Talk about a headcanon you’ve never talked about before. so it’s not exactly MattKate but Kate was married to America, once, in space, and they just...forgot to get divorced after they broke up. So there’s a whole thing with the three of them that involves Matt and America becoming really good friends--I mean, they both like punching stuff, that’s a solid basis for a friendship, right? And they get lunch every few months and Kate’s just like “why is my ex-wife texting you” and, of course, the “Kate and Elektra dated” headcanon, which dovetails really nicely with Matt/Kate/Elektra ot3. Kate and Elektra just sprawled on Matt’s couch asking him to bring them food because they’re heiresses they’re too pretty to get things themselves

20. What does a typical date look like for them?

Kate trying to keep Matt from listening for crime. Kate grilling Matt about the kitchen, Kate guessing the relationships of the other diners and Matt telling her if she’s right or wrong. Stopping a mugging on the way home and making out in an alley.

21. What’s a really significant moment in their relationship?

WHOOPS MISSED THIS, but it’s the first time they take Fisk down. it was them working as a team, recognizing their romantic feelings, just. all around a good day. it’s an anniversary they celebrate every year

#Anonymous #mattkate #matt murdock #kate bishop #hawkeye #Daredevil #my stuff #ask meme answers #give me more this was fun #if it's a ship i've written for i'll probably post some stuff i've already written #also what the hell is happening with the formatting what did i do

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yourcoffindoor · 4 years

Text

Bulletproof Heart Pt.2

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Prompt: Request from Anon- “ could you write one where the reader is a rock singer and they and mcr are on warped tour together, and they both lowkey like each other but think they’re both out of each other’s league, and find out that they’re both secretly into nerdy stuff + maybe getting together?

TW: Mentions of an abusive relationship.

AN: The plot thickens. Sorry for the delay in uploading <3

Enjoyyyy <3

That night after everyone had stumbled back to the bus in a tipsy stupor, you couldn't shake the thought of your encounter with Gerard from your brain. And what's more, you hated yourself for it. For awhile you tossed and turned, hoping the unwelcome feelings you had would fade to nothing so that you could fall asleep at last.

But your curiosity got the better of you, and there was only would person who could give you the answers you were looking for.

"Hey Gavin, are you still conscious?" you whispered from your bunk. You heard the rustle of sheets moving in response.

"Hmmm?" a low and sleepy sound of acknowledgement answered.

"I'm just wondering...what do you know about Gerard Way?"

As soon as the words left your lips, Gavin's curtains swung open with superhuman force.

"Y/N are you in love with Gerard Way?!" Gavin's voice was no longer tired, having morphed into a sharp and excited whisper. In addition to being the band's social butterfly, he always knew the gossip about everyone within a 20 mile radius.

"Christ, really Gavin? We only spoke for like fifteen minutes."

"So it was like a love at first sight situation?"

"You are so annoying, I swear to god."

"Do you want info or not?" he threatened.

You sighed. "Fine, yes I do."

Gavin cleared his throat as if preparing for a presentation. "OK, so everyone has something good to say about him, seems like a really genuine guy. I've heard he was in a long term relationship for ages, but its been broken off for awhile now. "

"Hmm," you murmured, trying to sound indifferent, "yeah he seems like a sweet guy."

"Yeah and every girl with a pulse seems to be after him. You got some competition out there." he teased. "But seriously, if you're interested you should go for it. You deserve to be happy, Y/N. It's been three years since...you know who."

Gavin didn't say his name, but he had said enough to bring on a wave of sad memories. "Thanks. I'm uh, feeling pretty tired, so... I'm just gonna get some sleep."

"G'night." Gavin said softly, as if aware he had brought out long buried and very unwelcome feelings.

You rolled over in your bunk, pulling your blankets up over your head, unwilling to dwell on the memories that had been drudged up by only a few words. Three years ago. That's when you finally had the strength to break it off with Alex.

You were a different person when you met him. It was your first relationship, and you were naive and forgiving, unable to see the dozens of red flags that should have made you run away from it all.

You had answered an ad that he had posted asking for potential band members for a punk band he was forming. It had been your dream to pursue music, and you responded right away, hoping you'd hit it off. You weren't expecting Alex to be so damn attractive, and when your audition was successful, it was only a matter of time before a relationship began to develop between you.

He was older than you, more experienced, and eager to take you under his wing where he could have the most control. You mistook his over-protectiveness as a sign of love, and he slowly cut you off from people outside of the band, leaving you isolated and dependent on him.

Eventually he would get angry if he saw you speak to any other man. He took your phone regularly so that he could look through it, questioning you about anything he didn't like. The fights you had were loud and ugly, your voices rising and crashing like cantankerous bursts of thunder. Eventually, they became violent.

You were stuck in a cycle of affection and fear, held there as if caught in a tide that would never bring you back to shores of sanity. But you did eventually find the strength to get out when your friend reached out to you, offering you a place to stay. You packed your bags that night and didn't look back.

Your band was not just a career for you, it was a symbol of healing, proof that you were able to overcome it all and strike out on your own. You rolled over in your bunk, and pushed the unwanted memories aside, reminding yourself of the promise you had made to be the best damn band on Warped tour. Nothing was going to change that now.

x x x

Your first performance went by in a haze of adrenaline and sweat. The crowd was young and eager to see what you had to offer, and you were all to happy to give them something they'd remember for a long long time.

There were several people in the crowd who were fans already, proudly wearing your band's shirts and mouthing along to all of the lyrics. Others were slowly converted, headbanging enthusiastically by the end of your set. When the band's final song was met with deafening hoots and cheers, you'd felt like you'd accomplished your mission.

"We fucking killed it!" Gavin declared as he slumped in the nearest chair, exhausted.

"The crowd was good, huh?" you beamed as you wiped the sweat from your face, still breathless from your onstage antics. "Let's hope they're all like this."

"Can't get any worse than our first show ever, remember?" Liz laughed as she recalled the groups early days. "Never had so much beer pelted at me in my life."

People milled about as you and your band mates caught your breath. A few musicians from other bands popped in to say hi and let you know that they enjoyed your performance.

"Hey you actually made it!" Gavin jumped up from his chair as he noticed a new face entering the backstage area. "Guys did you meet Frank last night? From My Chemical Romance?" A man with wide hazel eyes gave a quick wave from the the entryway.

"This guy was goin on and on about how you guys were the best new band on warped tour. Had to see if he was just full of shit."

"He always starts bragging when he's drunk." you rolled your eyes.

"Well, I'm glad he did. You guys put on a pretty kick-ass show. Plus Gerard really wanted to check it out."

Your heartbeat, which had only just settled from jumping around on stage, began to speed up again.

"Gerard?"you asked softly, caught off guard by the mention of his name. You didn't see the familiar black haired boy near frank. You only saw Gavin attempting to give you a discreet wink, which you returned with a harsh glare.

"Yeah actually we were all there. Mikey and Ray had to run to another show. Don't know where Gee disappeared to though," Frank craned his head, looking around at the hustle and bustle that was happening permanently everywhere on Warped tour. "Ah, there he is. Gerard!"

You saw Gerard, surrounded by a small circle of fans, each holding something they wanted him to sign. You felt a strange pang when you noticed they were all pretty girls, and Gavin's words from last night came back to haunt you. You got some competition out there. You struggled to identify just what emotion was suddenly eating away at you--were you really jealous? Or was it the realization that even if you decided to make a move, it was probably hopeless?

Gerard nodded at Frank. "Be there in a sec!" he shouted, continuing to sign autographs until he had gotten through everyone.

Frank spoke with your band mates, but you were too distracted by the knowledge that Gerard had watched you perform to be sociable. You were anxious as to what his opinion would be, but tried to push it out of your thoughts.

You watched nervously as Gerard spoke to Frank and Gavin, noticing that he would glance over at you every so often. When your eyes finally met he gave you a nod and a warm smile. You gave yourself an internal pep talk to try and stay calm. You can just be friends, you don't need to do anything except be friendly. For the love of god, act normal.

Eventually he made his way over to you,offering another soft and lopsided smile,but his time it almost seemed as if he was shy. "Great show. From one lead singer to another, your band has a fucking killer sound."

You thanked him, grinning like an idiot while cautionary alarm bells went off in your head.

"I might be a bit biased though, because of the shirt your wearing."

You looked down, having forgotten what you threw on that morning. It was one of your favorite shirts, a short sleeved tee with the X-Men symbol emblazoned on the front. You'd had it for years, as evidenced by the smattering of small holes peeking through the bottom edge. Oh no, you thought, he likes comics too?

"You're a fan?" you asked coolly, a stark contrast to the giddy panic that was building up inside you.

"Yes! I actually wanted to make comics before My Chem was a thing." He spoke animatedly, his round hazel eyes widening even further. "But life had other plans. Not that I'm complaining."

That familiar heat rose in your cheeks. This conversation was dangerous, and you were trying desperately to fight the feeling that this man was something close to perfect.

The world around the two of you became an insignificant blur as you both discussed comics at length, and you hung on every word, taking turns revealing how you first discovered them and sharing your favorites. He even recommended a few titles that you had never heard of. His demeanor was passionate and lively, entirely different from the sullen boy you met the night before.

"I uh, I'm actually working on a comic at the moment," he began, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, suddenly bashful, "If you're interested you should stop by the bus sometime--"

Gerard's eyes focused on something just behind you, and you felt a sudden tap on your shoulder. You turned and felt your stomach drop to a sickening low. There, standing next to the drunk who was hitting on you last night, was your ex-boyfriend Alex.

"What are the odds!" he smiled at you, blank looking smug beside him. You found yourself at a loss for words.

"What...what are you doing here?"

He scoffed. "Ouch Y/N, is that anyway to say hello? I'm here for the same reason you are." He turned his attention to Gerard. "I'm Alex. Y/N and I used to have a band together back in the day. Well, a bit more than that actually." He smirked at you, instantly transforming any butterflies you had felt while talking to Gerard into pure revulsion.

This was your worst case scenario, and it was one you had never even considered to be possible. Seeing his face again made you freeze up, and you were at a loss for words. You looked up at Gerard through your eyelashes, wondering if the dark and overwhelming swirl of emotion inside you was showing on your face. His brows were furrowed ever so slightly as if he could sense that something wasn't quite right.

"Nice to meet you," he replied curtly before turning his attention back to you. I'll uh, let you catch up. I'll just be over there with Frank...if you need anything."

You merely nodded, too caught up in your feelings to respond properly. "I'll catch you later then."

Alex saw this opportunity as a chance to reach for an embrace, but you stepped back and out of reach.

"Just what the hell are you doing?"

"What are you implying? I'm just dropping in to say hello before Midnite Heist performs later. I'm their new drummer after all. I can't even do that?"

"No," you said, struggling to maintain a low voice, "You can't. I told you I never wanted to see you again. We may be on the same tour, but that doesn't mean you can approach me. Don't try it again."

He laughed, clearly embarrassed to be spoken too like that in front of his band mate. "If you're trying to get with that Way guy, don't bother. You're punching way above your weight with that one."

You took a moment to steel yourself, and decided to walk away rather than let thing turn into a scene. Before you turned to leave, you offered one final warning.

"I haven't forgotten what you did to me. Speak to me again and you'll regret it."

You walked off, hearing mocking 'Ooooh's from Alex and Brent as you left. You saw heads turning in your direction as you stormed away towards the bus, including Gerard's, but you couldn't be bothered by that now- not when you were struggling to keep it together.

Fuck Fuck Fuck your internal monologue looped on a bitter repeat. This was going to be the longest tour of your life.

#gerard way fanfic #gerard way x reader #gerard way imagine #mcr fanfiction

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