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proudfreakmetarusonniku · 1 year

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38 or 46?

Ohhhhh, when I saw this I KNEW I had to do the AU where c!Dream is convinced c!Tommy is a Prime >:3

TW: Religious themes, religious delusions, kidnapping, isolation, mental health issues, references to self harm and self hatred, abuse, restraints, forced sedation, Tommy not always using the best terminology for referring to mental illness as an uneducated teenager (hes trying), and literal idolisation.

With shaking hands, Dream fastened the gilded necklace around Tommy's neck, the bell on it's chain ringing lightly. All Tommy could think is, fuck, that was going to be obnoxious and there was no way he was gonna be allowed to take that off either.

“They say the bells provide great joy to the Primes, you know.” Dream's voice was the sort of soft Tommy wasn't used to- not sickly sweet nor mocking, a genuine, wavering vulnerability to it. “I know you may not remember things before you were trapped in this form, Tommy, but maybe your fellow Primes will hear it, and…”

Tommy had long since learnt it was pointless to argue Dream on this fact, but it still made his skin crawl. He wasn’t something holy, and it was blasphemy to treat a mortal like a creation of the Gods. After all, they’d created the Primes to watch over the world in their absence- in a sense, the Primes were also gods, the sort that inhabited every shrine and meadow and lake. It was no less sacrilegious than outright declaring Tommy a God, yet nothing he said could change Dream's mind.

Something must have snapped in the prison, that’s what Tommy reckoned. When Dream had… y’know, the whole killing and reviving thing, he was normal. Normal for Dream, at least. But after he’d broke out, he’d been convinced that Tommy was one of the Primes, fallen from Heaven and unable to remember their power. And honestly, Tommy couldn’t help but pity that. In Exile, he'd been convinced the Primes talked to him through the logs- he'd saw them peeking up at him, beauty indescribable. Sometimes, he still saw them out of the corner of his eyes. He'd always seen shit, since he wasn’t even really a Big Man, but it had never felt so real.

He still fucking hated Dream, though. Pity didn’t change that.

“Are you feeling okay, Tommy? I really don’t want to hurt you, y’know.”

“Too late for that.” Tommy's speech still came out embarrassingly slurred, even though he'd tried his best to practice under the potion induced haze he was always in. Because, sure, Dream didn’t hit him anymore, but he still kept him locked up as tight as possible. To prevent the mortal world from corrupting him, he said. So he still had the thick, heavy cuffs around his arms and legs, chained to the wall tightly, and he had the stupid fucking IV injecting Prime knew what into his veins, making him all sleepy and shit. “You killed me, remember.”

Dream had a genuinely guilty look on his face, avoiding eye contact with Tommy. He suspected he might actually be tearing up. “I know you may never forgive me for that. Once you’ve regained my power, you may give me any punishment you see fit. I've been ensuring that I’ve been punishing myself in the meantime, to ensure I do not fall into sin.”

“You've been hurting yourself?”

“Of course. I need to go through your pain a thousandfold to repent.”

“No. No no no, no you don’t, don't fuckin' hurt yourself, man. That’s awful. I don’t want you to do that.” He coughed and added on. “As one of your Primes, I mean. That’s an order.”

Dream stared at Tommy with such awe it made him feel worthless. The kind of look of pure adoration and admiration a man would have for their God, a trust Tommy could never live up to. “I still remember the first time I saw you. I- I thought you were just a human- how little did I know- but your kindness, your unending mercy… it’s always been a sign you're not like them. Humans hurt and beat and torture me. Not a single fucking one has ever really cared!” He sounded incensed at that, before taking a deep breath. “But you? You're… you're made of unending love and compassion, Tommy. Not flesh and blood. You can’t be.”

Dream took a deep breath, and smiled. “If- if you think I shouldn’t debase myself through daring to think I could be the arbiter of my own punishment, I’ll oblige, my Prime. You are truly wise.”

“That’s not what I- sure. Okay.” Tommy would have rolled his eyes if he had the energy. “Yeah, if that’s what stops you from hurting yourself, go with it.”

Dream ignored him, like how he ignored anything Tommy said or did that didn’t play into his delusions- and he didn’t fucking say that to be disparaging, he said that because that’s what he and Puffy had been reading about in one of those big old dumb textbooks, to try and figure out what the fuck was wrong with him. He knew how fucking suffocating they were, and he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy. In fact, he was currently wishing it to stop happening to his worst enemy because at least if he was normal Tommy knew what pain to expect.

Instead, he muttered a prayer under his breath, head bowed, eyes averted yet occasionally glancing at Tommy with the same reverent look when he thought he wasn’t watching, and Tommy felt the same skin crawling sensation as he always did. He wasn’t a fucking Prime, so this was an insult of the highest order to everything he believed in- everything Dream believed in. It was a heresy of the highest order.

Tommy groaned and wished he was dead instead.

#My writing #primeboys (derogatory)#tw abuse #tw religious themes #Tw kidnapping #tw restraints #tw isolatiom #tw referenced self harm #Tw referenced self hatred #tw forced sedation

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milkacchan · 4 years

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Request for anon: Hi! Could you write hcs for poly bakusquad with a quirkless reader who has a serious independent streak but has recently been a target for villain attacks and got injured, but refuses to rely on anyone and tries to ignore their pain and take care of everyone else, please?

This is gonna be a little angsty

• First- it annoyed bakugou that you, someone /quirkless/ made it into the hero class

• On pure fucking spite and anger alone

• You didn't even particularly want to get in to UA

• It was just something you chose to prove someone wrong about

• and it fucking aggravated him- more than aggravated him

• Inspired Deku though, he hated that even more

• and he isn't surebhow- but he ended up talking to you and suddenly you're part of his friend group and he's /okay/ with that

• that irks him too.

• and a lot of things are uncovered when y'all are friendly w eachother

• and they learn pretty fucking fast about your independent streak

• and when you all started dating (crazy how they managed that) they thought it might go away- only it didn't.

• You never asked for help, regardless of what it was- you'd handle it on your own.

• You got hurt during training? Don't worry about it, I'm fine.

• Failed a test? You'd disappear for a few days to study and retake it.

• Didn't know what you were doing in a particular subject? You'd teach it to yourself.

• Aizawa had heard the words 'help' ONCE and he was limited to the help you'd allow him to give you .

• You trained your ass off everyday, you worked hard in school, you took no shit- it was obvious you felt like you had something to prove.

• Bakugou felt like he was a partial reason for that and it made him feel like shit.

• He wasn't exactly the kindest to you when classes started in first year.

• But he was concerned.

• They were all concerned.

• recently, you'd been stressed out. They could tell, even if you weren't giving them signs.

• On top of that, you'd become a big target for villains and no one knew why.

• it seemed like both you and midoryia were a magnet for assholes in masks

• And they tried talking to you about it, they do.

• Denki brings it up, he's holding your hand, Kirishima is threading his fingers through your hair and Seros behind you, holding your waist. Mina is in between your legs, resting her head on your chest and bakugou is at the end of the bed.

• And Denki asks if you need help- whether its coping with it- or dealing with it while its happening- or trying to figure out /why/ they're attacking you

• and you blow him off "it doesn't matter, i'll deal with it if it happens again."

"It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when." Bakugou glares.

"Okay, then when it happens again, I'll deal with it."

"That's fucking stupid," he growls.

Kami squeezes your hand gently. "Maybe we should have a plan-" he glares at Bakugou.

"I was fine last time. Don't do this."

"Do what? Offer fucking help?" Bakugou snaps and Mina cringes. She grips your shirt. She knows what's going to happen, she knows you're going to stomp off to think- it could be a few hours or it could be days. Sometimes, if she held something on you, you'd stay. She hoped this was the case.

"Your fucking pity." You seeth. "I don't need it. I can take care of myself."

"Baby we didn't-" kiri starts but you're already sliding off the bed.

"Babe," Sero looks at you. "please come talk about it,"

You say nothing, and let the door close behind you.

"Fuck." Mina sighs

• Its 2 days.

• 2 days before you resurface, calm and collected, like nothing happened.

• but you're busy- you're training harder. Much harder, you're pushing yourself past your limits and its obvious

• they were already impressed. Theg already knew you could take care of yourself. Why couldn't you see that?

• you push and push and push

• and they don't see as much of you

• when they do see you at the end of the night, you always look exhausted

• and you put on the same fucking front each time

• you smile and laugh and kiss them goodnight but they can see you're in pain

• they don't even get a chance to talk about it with you

• because the next thing they know

• theyre in another attack and youre in the center of it

• You're fighting and you're holding him off but you aren't going to last much longer

• You were tired from the day before- you hadn't gotten proper sleep- and he was strong

• It's all kind of a blur, really, you're thrown a lot, youre bleeding

• he had you by the neck at the end, you were clawing at his hands and he was laughing

• your mates weren't exactly in the best shape either- after all, the attack had happened in the middle of the night

• A strong kick to the center of his nose seemed to do the trick. There was a sickening crack and his hand loosened and he fell back.

• When you regained youre senses you froze- he wasn't breathing.

• you /killed/ him.

• Your stomach churned and suddenly all the pain you felt increased ten fold.

• You scrambled to stand up, Mina was the first one you saw and you fell to your knees in front of her, cupping her cheeks. "Baby? Baby you okay?"

"M fine, but you're not, that's a lot of blood." She looked up at you her eyes wide. "Baby that's a lot-"

"I'm okay, I promise."

• She wanted to yell and scream and you, she wanted to hit you and telling to just accept help but you'd already stood up, moving to look around for the others.

• Denki was next, you met him with a hug and a short but desperate kiss. "You okay?" You whisper, brushing your thumb over his bruised cheek. Mina was behind you now, gently brushing her fingers through the blondes hair, but she stepped away when she saw Kiri and Bakugou.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," he smiked softly.

"Eiji? Katsu?" You mumbled.

"They're okay, they're fine. You don't look so good though."

"M- M okay.." you mutter. Youre tired now. Standing here is nice. You're dizzy- Ashido was right. That was a lot of blood.

Your eyes close and your weight falls.

"Hey- Hey- Jesus! Guys! Katsuki! I don't- I can't tell if she's breathing-"

• You wake up in the hospital 2 days later.

• Mina's in the bed with you, hand thrown gently over your thighs. Sero and Denki are on the left side, heads down, eye's closed and arms over your shin.

• Kiris got your left hand in his, another hand in Minas hip.

• Bakugous on the right side, arms crossed and head down.

• and youre confused because why the fuck are you here?

• what happened?

• you miss Katsukis voice next to you when it all comes back

• and you can't help but scramble to sit up and suddenly you can't breathe

• youre not sure how long you zoned out, but when you finally get back, there's two nurses

• ones replacing and IV bag

• and the other is checking your tempature, you think.

• theres another needle stick in your arm but you can't pay mind to it right now.

• the warmth around you was gone and you desperately wanted it back.

• they weren't in the room anymore

• and when the nurses cleared the room, the tears spilled over.

• your brought your hands to cover your face and your head fell back.

• five minutes? 10 minures? Later there was a gentle tap on your shoulder

• it was ashido

• your arms were around in her seconds

• "You okay?" She whispered as the others took their spots around the bed.

"No," you shook your head. "I killed him- and and I could've gotten you guys hurt because I didn't listen," your breathing had started to get faster again.

"Hey, it's okay. Just breathe," she soothes, thumbs stroking your cheeks.

"I can't- I- fuck /help me/-" you gasp out

• It takes awhile, but they managed to calm you down.

• Ashido just holds you, she lets you cry, and Kiri reminds you that you're okay

• they do most of the comforting usually

• when you're breath has finally started to even out, and you can feel the pain again, you know you'll be asleep soon from the pain meds.

"How bad was it?" You whisper, hands still gripling Minas shirt.

"Bad." Katsuki spoke. "You stopped breathing when we got you here."

Sero rubbed his face. "You needed a blood transfusion. They weren't entirely sure how it was going to end."

"You were...you were just standing in my arms and then you weren't moving. And then you weren't answering-" denki breathed. "There was blood everywhere."

"What about you guys?"

"Can you just stop?" Katsuki groaned. "Can you just let us worry about /you/? Let us help. Don't ask about us. You almost /died/ and your only fucking thought is us. Why?" He was crying, head down, hands gripping his pants.

"He's got a point. It's okay to ask for help," kirishima whispers. "So why don't you?"

• you're quiet for a few moments.

• do you go into detail.

• or do you dodge the question.

• ultimately, the fear of losing them outweighed any shame you would have felt

• "its hard not having a quirk." You mumble, eyes down. "Quirks are practically currency. And power is highly valued. I don't have that. I don't have any of that. I'm in a constant risk of being replaced and if I ask for help, they know I'm weak. I can't ask for help."

• And they all feel their hearts shatter a little bit.

• Bakugou had poked fun at you for quite some time in first year for not having a quirk.

• and Denki wasn't much better- neither was Sero. They'd make jokes about how fast you'd drop out.

• Bakugou would break a little bit, reminding you that you weren't weak. You still being alive was proof of that.

• and slowly

• slowly you get accustomed to ask for help.

• its not necessarily with words- sometimes they ask and you just nod

• or you ask in your own way.

• youre independent streak remains- but its not as bad.

#bakugou katsuki #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #my hero academia #poly bakusquad #bakusquad #poly bakusquad x reader #mina ashido #mina x reader #sero hanta #sero #sero x reader #denki kaminari #kaminari denki #denki x reader #kirishima x reader #kirishima eijirou #eijirou kirishima

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kamilah-the-bloodqueen · 3 years

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Remember Me (4/???)

I AM SO FUCKING SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO FINISH. Honestly I lost a lot of motivation to write after Bloodbound because PB has greatly decreased in the quality of their books. I am still trying to find the time and motivation to write and am forcing myself to finish my series at the very least but if I am being completely honest I feel like the Kamilah fandom has died, PB’s books mostly suck and I don’t even really play choices anymore. Who knows, I’m trying to learn to write the code for episode so maybe I’ll start posting my own stories and choices on that platform with better plot, smut and less diamond focus since it would be a hobby. This chapter is ASS and mostly just moves the plot along - so if you want action I would wait for a different series or later chapter - okay bye!

Pairing: Adrian x MC x Kamilah (Amy)

Tags: I paused the tag list since it’s been so fucking long but if you want a tag please let me know because I’m pretty sure most people think this series died with me :)

Words: ~1500 (Short because I needed to finish a chapter to motivate me to finish the next)

Kamilah took a deep breath as she knelt on the floor beside Adrian, carefully wrapping her arms around her brother, her heart sinking with every sob that left his lips. She didn’t speak, she knew her words would come off too harshly and she couldn’t blame Adrian for feeling that way, after all she knew how much he loved Amy.

“Adrian, I’m sorry. I...I truly don’t know what to say.” As their eyes met Kamilah saw exactly how devastated he was, and even in her two thousand years of life, she had never been in his situation.

“Kamilah, do you think she’ll...well she says we’re just friends but do you think she’ll fall in love with me again?” His lips trembled, his hands shaking and his eyes glistened with tears.

“I don’t know. As much as I believe love is a silly mortal affair, and a simple chemical reaction, it can’t be forced but I’m sure if you just be yourself and do your best to be her friend that any romantic feelings will follow.” Kamilah moved away as Adrian calmed himself, both of them passing a nod of agreement as he wiped his face clean with tissues.

“Your wisdom has always guided me well Kamilah.”

“I suppose that is two thousand sixty three years of experience speaking.”

“Heh, I guess my two hundred years don’t nearly compare...”

“You’re still a simple child in my eyes, I just took a liking to you.”

“Well, thank you Kamilah. It seems I owe you quite a bit.”

They both stood from the floor and took seats on Adrian’s office couch, Kamilah folding her legs and crossing her arms and Adrian crossing his ankles and folding his arms.

“We’re practically siblings - you don’t owe me anything. Just try to take care of yourself and well...don’t expect anything from Amy. I’m sure this is difficult for her, difficult is an understatement. I can’t imagine what she’s experiencing.”

“Maybe I’ve been too selfish Kamilah...I’ve been thinking more about what I want from her instead of focusing on if she’s okay or what she wants.”

“Sometimes it’s alright to be selfish, and I can understand why you felt that way but you are correct, we need to focus on what Amy wants now, not what she wanted before the accident.”

“You’re absolutely right. I can only hope for the best...I just really...I really wanted...I believed she was the one.”

“I know you did. I wanted her to be the one for you as well, I still hope she comes back to you Adrian.”

“Me too.”

Adrian’s phone buzzed at the same time Kamilah’s did, Lily having texted both of them to rendezvous with her and Jax at Amy’s old apartment to talk about the recent events.

“We should go, but do you feel okay?” Kamilah patted Adrian’s shoulder as they both stood from the couch.

“Yes I think so.” They hurried to the elevator and got into Adrian’s black Mercedes as they navigated towards Lily’s apartment. Once they arrived Lily greeted them before guiding them up to the apartment where Jax waited on the couch with a beer in hand.

“Hey guys...how ya doin?” His words were slurred and he was obviously under the influence to a decent extent.

“Tell me you have something other than beer Lily.” Kamilah grimaced as Jax took another swig of the beer. She had no problem with beer but she hated that brand and would rather remain sober than allow herself to drink that brand.

“Yeah, vodka or wine?”

“Vodka.” Kamilah spoke without hesitation while Adrian grabbed a beer from the fridge and took a seat next to Jax on the couch. Lily began to pour Kamilah a shot, and once the glass was full Kamilah took the bottle from her and took two large gulps before sitting on the leather chair and holding the bottle with one hand.

“So we’re here to get drunk? I thought we were supposed to talk about Amy?” Kamilah’s voice broke the deathly silence that filled the room. Adrian leaned in the door before removing his tie, unbuttoning his shirt and, grabbing three bottles of the cheap beer and sinking into the recliner opposite of Lily and Jax.

“I didn’t want to drink...well grieve...alone. I mean I can’t do this with Amy anymore...well I could but it wouldn’t be the same... and I have my friend back but it’s really just...it’s not the same. I don’t know I just didn’t...you can leave if you want but I didn’t want to grieve alone…” Lily began to sob, her tears falling into her glass of wine as Jax and Adrian frowned. Kamilah held her stoic expression, but even the alcohol could not erase the ache she felt in her chest.

“I see, well I guess we all process grief differently…” Kamilah spoke calmly, but deep down she felt her own sense of grief. As she gazed around she realized how messy Jax’s hair and clothes were, and how exhausted and drained Lily was. “You guys look a mess…”

“Thanks Kamilah.” Jax drunkenly snickered and Lily sniffled. Adrian remained quiet, taking a long drink from the bottle in his hand before switching to the other glass and downing it just as quickly.

“Does this not fucking hurt you?” Lily drunkenly scolded as Kamilah flinched ever so slightly. None of them had ever heard Lily so fragile, so devastated. She had every reason to be - she had lost her best friend - even though Amy had survived the accident, the memories were all gone and everything they had once shared was gone.

“It...does...I was just remarking on-”

“I don’t care about your remarks, at least not now. Don’t you fucking get it? I lost my fucking best friend and I have to watch her find everything again! Do you know how that fucking feels Kamilah? I’m sure you do from all your time as a vampire, but please, for the love of god and for the sake of our friendship just shut the fuck up. I can’t handle this.” Lily’s hand gripped on her bottle as it shattered against her palm, the beer pouring onto the tile floor and seeping into the edges of the carpet.

“I...apologize Lily…”

“It’s fine! It’s fine! Everything is fine I guess. I don’t know I just...I’m not coping well...and I feel guilty for saying that because Amy has it the hardest of us all and yet here I am getting wasted to be in her position - to forget everything while also being the person who put her in this position in the first fucking place. I don’t think it’ll ever be the same as it was before…”

“Maybe that’s for the best…” Adrian finally joined the conversation. Kamilah, Lily and Jax turned to face him as he swirled the bottle around in his hand - his brown eyes shiny from the tears that had built up. “...we all lost someone...Amy was a different person to each of us...but maybe we have to lose that person for some reason…”

“Adrian, do not try to give me that ‘it’s for the best’ bullshit.” Lily took a deep breath as Adrian shrugged.

“I’m not. I guess it’s just the alcohol talking, but I was going to propose to Amy that night and maybe it was a sign I shouldn’t have, or maybe the world is punishing me for my sins...but fuck all of that...it’s...it’s a forgotten memory and we need to forget just like Amy...”

---------------- Amy’s POV ------------------

It was a weird feeling that I couldn’t describe. Having people who seemed like strangers tell me all about the things we’ve done together gave me such comfort and anxiety at the same time. I wanted to believe and trust each of them but at the same time, it would be so easy to lie about it. Maybe I’m just being paranoid about the situation - nobody would really benefit from creating an elaborate story just to mess with my mind.

God this IV really stings...and now that I’m thinking about it, my ribs really hurt too. I should call the doctor or nurse but it’s nearly midnight. I mean it’s their job but they’re humans and I don’t want to be that super needy patient…

At least that Lily girl seems genuine, I can see why I was her best friend. I appreciate her sincerity more than I can verbalize to her. I’m still wary of Jax though - that man looks like he could kill in an instant and I don’t want to get on his bad side. I’m glad they’re friends with each other though - they seem to get along really well and...Adrian. Poor bastard. I broke his heart. I broke his heart and I can’t even help it. How am I supposed to even really process that whole fucking mess. He’s so sweet and gentle and genuine and I can’t even reciprocate it back to him...but maybe with time I could…? But Kamilah...she makes my heart skip a beat too...but she’s so unlike anyone I’ve even taken interest in - callous and stoic most of the time with very few soft spots. It wouldn’t be any type of understatement to claim my heart is as confused as my head.

#kamilah x mc #kamilah sayeed #kamilah the bloodqueen post

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mxpseudonym · 4 years

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Just Good Business IV

Pairing: Tommy x Reader

Reader Gender Expression: She/Her pronouns, “wife”

Summary: After Tommy has to put down his horse, you want him to lean on you for once.

Length: 2080 words (allegedly)

Warnings: animal death, cursing, and as usual, underlying tones of forced/arranged marriage

A/N: It’s my bday so I decided to post this part today! I hope you like it, it’s been a journey. I’m going

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part V

You weren't what your mother would call nurturing or sentimental.

Not that you didn't know how to love or take care. You'd just rather live life as freely as you could and not be tied down by attachments to those who don't love you as much as you love them or worrying about keeping a house. Your mother said it wasn't becoming, and men would be turned away. You wished she would have warned you instead. That when there was the right person, one you'd do just about anything for, you can be the thing you never thought you could be, just for them.

It had been the better part of a year, and you were still learning that marriage was simple in definition, but by no means easy. Tommy only made that more accurate. He was driven and focused at work, which made you better at your job as well. You were making a name for yourself as a partnership, and things were as thrilling as ever at home. Tommy talked to you and let you in little by little. It wasn't something you asked for, but it did make you do the same. Even after knowing each other for a mere year and a half, you knew each other reasonably well. Which was why you were pacing in your bedroom, arms wrapped around yourself to stop you from biting your nails. You had asked Tommy not to leave earlier, but he wouldn't listen to you or anyone.

"Tom, please," you pleaded, placing yourself between him and the door.

"Y/n,"

"Just let them do it. Let the stable hand take care of it, okay?" You asked. You thought you had him for a moment, but his eyes lowered, and he stepped around you.

"She's my horse, y/n. My horse that got sick, my horse to see through 'til the end."

It had been hours, longer than was necessary. But it was in Tommy's nature as Romani man to go deep into the land on your property when he was upset. He'd done it before. Johnny Dogs was the one who told you that there wasn't anything to worry about, even if Tommy spent the night out there. It didn't take a professional to know that Tommy could only bottle so much up before he erupted, though. You were on a secret mission to get him to come to you instead sometimes.

The echo of the door slamming knocked you out of your head and nearly sent you running to the foyer. It only took a few moments for him to be at your bedroom door.

Tommy came in with just his socks, the muddy boots in hand were placed by the door. He looked you over but said nothing as he went to the restroom, closing the door behind him. You sighed and hung your head. So it wouldn't be straightforward. It didn't take long for him to wash up. You were just finishing putting on your own pajamas when he finally sat on the edge of the bed.

"How did the meeting with the Commissioner go?" Tommy asked. You walked up to him, ignoring his means of changing the subject by silently wrapping your arms around him tightly.

"I'm sorry, Tom. I'm so sorry you had to do it," you told him in his ear. He tightened the hug and buried his face in your neck. "Whatever you need."

"I need," Tommy began, pulling out of the embrace after a few long moments, "I need to know how your meeting went."

Your comforting eyes met his desperate ones. This was how he was, and there was how you had to take him. You made your way across the room to where your notebook sat on the side table.

"Of course. It went well, and I took notes for you this time."

It was 3:30 in the morning when you were sharply woken up by Tommy's yell and shooting straight up in bed.

"Fuck," you swore and placed a hand over your thumping chest. You turned on your lamp to see Tommy wide-eyed and sweating.

"It's fine," his voice was hoarse as he ran a hand through his hair. He put a shaking hand on your leg to stop your fretting. You stroked his cheek anyway.

"It's not fine, love, and that's okay," you assured. "I'm going to run a bath."

"No," he gasped, still coming down from his terrifying high. "It's late."

"It'll be good, promise. Let's just try, alright?"

The steam of the bath filled the room, and swirled around the curls of cigarette smoke. The French lullaby you sang bounced off the white tile walls, pausing only momentarily when you took your cigarette in your mouth. You continued, reaching your hand forward to place it between Tommy's lips. He took over smoothly like it was what he was meant to do, and stroked the legs you had wrapped around him in gratitude. Asking for a bathtub you could swim in really came in handy, you thought with Tommy's back pressed against your chest in hot water. When you finished the tune, your arms wrapped around Tommy's shoulders, and you buried your face in his neck.

"What do you dream about?" You asked. There were nights when his mumbling or twisting and turning woke you, but it was all brushed away with "the war." This wasn't the first time you'd asked, but it was the first time you had an advantage. If stopping Tommy from driving out into the darkness meant pulling him into the bath and wrapping your limbs around him to keep him there, you'd happily oblige.

"I hear the shovels coming for me. They're loud, and they keep me up at night. When I sleep, I'm digging. I hear the shovels, the men, I see the darkness. There's nothing, no end or beginning. I'm somewhere between being alive and dead, but I don't know if I'll wake up again," he said it like he said everything. Straight to the point and methodical. "Today with Thunder, putting an end to her like that, just put my mind in a bad way."

"Is it the same dream every time?" You asked. It was. Which was a shame. Tommy, one of the most capable people you knew, was to live out his life as a terrifying metaphor.

"Always will be," he concluded.

"Always and never, they're liars more often than not," you told him. "And you belong to me now, so if you can talk to yourself in those dark tunnels of your mind, remind yourself that if you open your eyes, you'll have someone waiting for you."

"Gonna fight my demons for me, are you?" Tommy chuckled. You couldn't help but join.

"Of course, if I get the chance." You kissed his cheek, and Tommy sunk even deeper into your embrace.

"I don't know why I can't shake it. Seeing horses die stays with me."

"You don't know?" You peered down at him. "It's because you're one of them."

"How can you tell?"

"You're gallant like a horse, even who you don't want the medals. You've shown me how strong you are without using your hands. You're as much fire as you are ice, which is beautiful, like a horse."

You slid your hand over Tommy's chest to rest over the tattoo there. Under your palm, his heart thumped away.

"Your heart beats like a horse, a wild stallion who's made himself race. But a stallion that only races himself doesn't know when or how to stop. He will run so hard and so fast for so long that his heart will burst if he isn't careful."

"I don't know how you can see things in me like you do, y/n. I just know you're making everything better." Tommy clasped your hand and pressed his lips against your wrist.

You kissed his shoulders and any part of him you could reach for the short remainder of the soak. You were more than willing to stay up with Tommy, but your body was so tired it made you sick. With Tommy's head on your chest, however, you slept fully to the next morning. Your eyes fluttered open as you registered the light stroking sensation on your cheek.

"Good morning," Tommy greeted you. Your groggy voice delivered an identical, albeit near unintelligible reply. Part of you wanted to tell him to sleep more, but you could feel Tommy hesitate. You allowed your eyes to flutter open to reveal Tommy resting on his elbow next to you. He looked down at you, clearly lost in thought behind those blue eyes.

"I love you."

You could feel your eyebrows crease. Was this a dream? The words hung in the air, impending and waiting for you to reply with something just as sweet.

"What?" You asked, no room for elegance.

"Fuck 'good business.' I don't care about any of that. I love you."

"Oh," you eventually stammered. "Why would you say that?"

You tried to find the words, but in your sleepy haze, you chose the first words that came to mind. Tommy leaned forward, disappointment evident in his eyes, and kissed your forehead.

"It's alright. I just want you to know," Tommy said, then climbed out of bed. You heard him head out of the door, which shook you awake enough to get up.

"Thomas Shelby!" You yelled from the top of the stairs, just as he'd reached the foyer. He turned in his dressing gown and raised an eyebrow at you, only in your pajamas. "What the hell? Thomas, I,"

"It's alright, y/n. You don't have to say anything."

"Would you stop? You know I hate it when you interrupt me," you scolded him. Tommy mumbled an apology then waited for you to continue.

"Listen, you surprised me. I just woke up for christ's sake. I didn't ask why you said it because I don't feel the same. I just wonder if you'd say that if we weren't married."

"What do you mean?" He asked with his own brow creasing.

"I don't cook or clean. I'm not sweet or easy to swallow. Believe me, I do enjoy myself quite a bit. But sometimes I wonder, if you hadn't been made to marry me, would you have found on your own that," you sighed, "I'm not someone you'd want to be with."

You looked to your bare feet and took a breath. Being this emotional so early in the morning was not your speed. After a moment, you heard a soft chuckle growing in volume to become a full laugh. Tommy stood in the foyer, shoulders shaking and cheeks flushing. He made his way up to you on the landing and pressed the back of his hand against your cheeks then forehead.

"Are you ill, Mrs?" Tommy asked, making you roll your eyes.

"Tom, please."

"You're talking nonsense, y/n. Polly told me to find a wife, but I'm the one who suggested it be you, alright? Your reputation proceeds you, love. Stepping into negotiations for your brother and conducting impressive business. That night we met only confirmed it. Every day since that dinner, you have kept me on my toes, and I love it. I love you."

You felt your cheeks warm, and you let out a laugh.

"I fucking knew you liked me."

"Unbelievable." Tommy rolled his eyes, but let you throw your arms around his neck and plant a proper kiss on his lips.

"I love you too, how's that?"

"If you're just saying that to appease me, you don't have to."

"When is it that I go around saying things I don't mean?" You asked firmly then kissed him again.

"Good, then I have something to ask." Tommy lowered himself on one knee, anchoring himself by holding your waist. "Will you, with no deals or debts on the table, marry me and be my wife?"

It occurred to you that you hadn't gotten a marriage proposal at all, especially not one from the heart. Who said Tommy couldn't be romantic? "I don't know how my husband is going to feel about that. I've heard he's quite in love with me," you said, hands running through his hair. Tommy smirked but nodded in approval. "Yes, I will marry you. But only if you'll marry me too."

"I'll have to ask my wife," Tommy said, standing and wrapping you in his arms. You reached up and kissed him once more.

"She approves."

Tommy Tag List: @soleil-dor; @amysteryspot

JGB Series Tag List: @biba3434 ; l0tsofpennies

#tommy shelby imagine #Tommy Shelby x Reader #Peaky Blinders Imagine #Just Good Business #Tommy Shelby

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keytomythoughts · 3 years

Text

Perfection Imperfections | Chapter 1

Chapter Index

»»—————————————-　

Finally, summer break. It’s been a while since I was able to go home. Having to attend high school rather far from my home in Seoul, I never thought that I’d adjust to the new environment. Fortunately, I wasn’t entirely alone, since I stayed with my aunt for the four years of my high school life. School wasn’t so bad, but the homesickness is what killed it for me. Even though it was my parents' idea to send me a rather vast distance—me not being too excited about it, but I knew I wouldn’t get my way in the end—there was some good that came from it. The two only good things, actually.

I glance outside the train window, the buildings of Busan zooming past me. Sure, it may not be my home, but I won’t lie. I’m really going to miss this place. My phone suddenly vibrates in my lap, glancing down to see a text from my group chat, smiling as I respond.

(Binnie)

R u still on the train?

Yeah have been for the past like 30 mins

(Eunuwu)

Going back to ur parents? Or r u moving out?

Funny

Yk I can’t move out, at least not on my own. My parents won’t allow it

(Binnie)

What about Jaehyun?

Idk, they rlly dc what he does tbh

They’re just hell-bent on me getting into the top schools and shit

(Eunuwu)

Damn, rough

Mhm

(Binnie)

Try talking to them, u never know

They might change their minds?

Nah, I already know how it’s gonna end

Me crying and stuffing myself with pints of ice cream

(Eunuwu)

Doesn't sound so bad

(Binnie)

¬_¬

(Eunuwu)

Except for the crying part ofc

But c’mon it cant really be THAT bad

I’ve been over plenty of times, they seem nice

(Binnie)

U’ve been to her house??

Yeah him and oppa are friends too

(Binnie)

Righttt forgot lol

And that’s bc you were there dumbass and half of the time ur either in oppa’s room or out somewhere

Interaction with my parents = minimal

(Binnie)

That sounds awful ngl :( sorry Hyuna

But hey we should all hang soon!

(Eunuwu)

I’ll be in Seoul for the summer too so y not?

I miss y’all :’(

Ok I should be there around like 5 ish so I’ll text then

(Binnie)

Aww I miss u toooo

(Eunuwu)

*puke*

Shut up, ur just jealous

(Eunuwu)

Me? Jealous?? Of what, ur face?

Yea no thx, Ive got a great face already

And personality 0:)

Gr8, explains why ur still single

(Binnie)

LOLL

She got u there bro

(Eunuwu)

Shut up

Ur talking as if u’ve got a gf

Idiot

(Binnie)

At least I didnt reject them as coldly as u did lol

See? My point exactly

Your fAcE scared off every girl in sight bc of tht pErSoNaLiTy

I almost feel bad for them, u little heart breaker

(Binnie)

He made a couple of em cry I heard

Rlly?!?

YAH

U MORON

(Eunuwu)

Bin wtf

(Binnie)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

U JERK HOW COULD U??

Those poor girls omg

Im so kicking ur ass when I c u

(Binnie)

Me 2

(Eunuwu)

Wtf?? Y???

(Binnie)

No reason lol, just feel like it

And this is why ily Binnie

(Binnie)

:D <3

(Eunuwu)

GROSS

Can it u demon

Read 4:02 PM

I snort, turning off my phone and placing it back down on my lap as I go back to staring outside my left-hand window again. Meet Cha Eunwoo and Moon Bin, my two best friends. The only reason I got through high school how I did without major setbacks. Sure, there was the occasional homesickness and all, but had I not met these two, I probably wouldn’t have even attended and graduated.

Being so far away from the place I grew up never really suited me, and they saw it right away from day one how lonely and upset I looked. I didn't seem to fit in, especially since I skipped a grade and was placed in classes that were very advanced for me. Not that I minded the vigor, but it was hard for me to socialize, let alone make friends.

That’s when I met them. Freshman year in homeroom before my first literature class. Moon Bin, a boy with parted, coppery-golden hair accompanied by his shy, puppy-eye smile and sweet nature, offered me an empty seat next to him in class, even going as far as to share his textbook and asking how I found the school. No doubt, I was embarrassed and immensely shy, stuttering over my words and failing to meet his soft gaze. However, he didn’t make fun of me nor find me odd. All he did was smile, laughing lightly at my slightly flustered state. He stuck his hand out, introducing himself (most people just call him Moonbin or Bin) with that smile of his, thus the start of our new friendship. Since then, he became someone who always knew how to cheer me up when I was feeling down. No moment was ever dull with him by my side.

Eunwoo, the tall, brooding black-haired and charismatic student almost everyone knew (and crushed on) of, was usually with Moonbin when we hung out together, but he normally kept to himself. Though quiet and sometimes reserved with his intimidating looks, it didn’t take long for him to break the ice with us, the three of us becoming close friends. Promising to stay like this until we went to college and beyond. Regardless if we all diverge and tread different paths, we would always converge and come back to one another.

Four years flew by and graduation was upon us. Just like that, the two became like family to me, my ride-or-die duo. The two who were able to turn my world upside down, finding solace in a time where I thought it was nearly impossible for me to.

My thoughts are interrupted by my “Move” ringtone—yes, I’m a huge Lee Taemin fan—looking down at my phone again to see it’s my brother calling. I sigh, picking up the call.

“What?”

He gasps dramatically. “Is that any way to address your loving older brother after being away for so long?”

I snort, shaking my head. “Loving my ass, oppa. How are mom and dad?”

“They’re fine, living. Didn’t you tell them you’re coming home?”

“Nope, I don’t even text them that often. You already know this..”

He sighs. “Yeah, I figured.”

There’s a slight pause on his end, but he continues. “You took the three-thirty train, right? So you’ll be here around five or so?”

“Yeah, give or take.”

I look out the window again to see the endless stretch of greenery and flowing springs, sometimes even children playing in the fields. I grin mischievously, deciding to poke fun at my brother when he doesn’t respond right away.

“What, you miss me?”

He makes a sound similar to throwing up. “As if. I got so used to the peace and quiet. I’m not ready for it to go away.”

“Yah!” I realize that I had yelled a bit too loudly and eyes were now trained on me, and I bow my head in apology. I lower my voice, “You’re such an asshole.”

“Oh, I know, but you still love me anyway.”

“Shut up.”

I can hear his laugh resonate through the phone and a smile unknowingly tugs at my lips. I wouldn’t say it out loud, but it’s true. When I lived with my aunt in Busan for the duration of high school, I missed Jaehyun a lot. Though two years older than me, he didn’t seem to alienate me the way my parents do. While I hate the notion that they spoil Jaehyun endlessly and let him do as he wishes, I won’t lie and say that he was a prick about it. He could’ve been, but he never came off as selfish. I’m really close with my brother, shocking as it may be. Sibling relationships are like that—one minute you want to strangle them with their intestines and the next you’re singing duets together. Crazy, but that’s how it is for us. My parents don’t really pay me any attention, so Jaehyun decides to do that instead. Not complaining though. I’d rather take his pranking and teasing over my parents’ demands and reprimands any day.

“Aight, I’m heading out for a bit. Text me when you arrive.”

I smile again. “Will do, but make sure to get me food!”

“Let me think…” He hums, and I can practically sense the smirk on his end. “Nope. Get your own.”

“Oppa!”

Jaehyun laughs. “See you in a bit, Hyuna. Get here safely. Bye!”

He hangs up the call before I get a chance to retort, and I scoff. Typical of my brother. He knows how much I enjoy street food, and every time he goes out, it’s almost certain that most of the time he stops somewhere to eat. Did he ever bring food back? Sure, but by the time I’d get to it, most of it was gone anyways. That only lasted a little while before I had gone upstate anyways, so he had more food for himself, I guess.

As the train barrels down the tracks, I feel my heart racing in excitement, but there’s also a slight ounce of dread. I really don’t know why. I want to believe it’s because I’ve been away for too long, but part of me knows it’s the fact that I’ll have to face my parents again. Knowing that I only have two months to decide where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, I know the bitter truth is that those decisions won’t be left up to me. Last time, I was sent to Busan.

God knows where I’d be sent to now.

***

“Final destination of the KTX Busan-Seoul train at Seoul Station is approaching and will arrive at 05:30 PM. The doors to alight are on the right hand side. All passengers are requested to dismount the train upon arrival. Thank you.”

That’s my stop.

Gathering my bag and hand luggage, I patiently wait for the train to pull up at the station. Seeing the familiar shops and buildings around me makes my legs bounce up and down in both excitement and anticipation.

Four long years away from Seoul...

Before getting off, I quickly text the group chat and then my brother, letting them all know that I’ve reached safely. Side-stepping the other passengers exiting the subway doors, I carefully land onto the platform with my luggage in tow. I breathe in the air around as I stretch my arms up into the sky, the grin widening on my face.

It sure as hell feels good to be back home.

I try my best to maneuver through the crowds, but it doesn’t stop the rush of people knocking into me. At times like these, I curse my genetics for favoring my older brother instead of me in terms of height. Eventually, I come to a clearing and when my eyes glance upwards, I spot a rather familiar dark brown-haired six-foot-tall male amongst the small crowd waving me over.

“Hyuna, over here!”

I gasp, my eyes widening. “Oppa!”

He smiles as I begin walking towards him, my feet hurriedly moving across the concrete. The distance between us shortens and I abandon my luggage as he opens his arms wide.

Only for me to sucker punch him in the stomach.

He yelps in pain, grimacing as he holds his abdomen. “Shit, that hurt. What has Aunt Sua been feeding you up there? Rocks?”

I smack his shoulder, my blood slightly boiling in anger. “Yah, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?! Do you know how much money I blew off for the bus fare?”

He straightens his back before going to rub his shoulder, then behind his neck.

“Fine, fine. My bad. I wanted to surprise you, but I guess that didn’t work, did it?”

I cross my arms over my chest, huffing in annoyance. He sighs, nodding.

“Okay, okay, I’ll compensate you. Dinner’s on me.”

At this I grin, blinking excitedly. I grab onto his arm and shake it vigorously. “Really? You mean it? You’re the best, oppa!”

“Look at this brat..” he taunts, shaking his head. In a flash, he headlocks me and rubs the top of my head harshly with his knuckles, upsetting the neatly-tied auburn ponytail.

“Yah! Quit it!” I smack his arms and flail in protest, but he chuckles, saying this is what I get for cunningly finding a way to exploit him the minute I stepped back into Seoul.

What can I say? It’s a talent.

He lets go eventually, and I try to smooth down my already-tangled hair. I grumble incoherently but Jaehyun pulls me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me. His free hand gently pats the side of my head in comfort.

“Welcome home, sis.”

I stand there stiff for a second before hugging back. He squeezes me tighter and I find myself smiling into his shoulder.

“Good to be back,” I whisper.

We stand like that for a moment before he pats my back a couple of times, us pulling away from each other soon after. He reaches behind me to grab my hand luggage as he shoulders my bag. I tell him that I can carry them just fine, but he starts walking away from the platform to the parking lot. I call out after him as I run to catch up, and I can see the corners of his mouth twitch. Jaehyun leads me to his car, a sleek matte-silver convertible Mustang. My mouth drops open in shock at its stunning beauty, my body forcing itself to remain composed for the sake of avoiding public self-embarrassment.

He throws my luggage in the back seat before he turns to me, smirking at my expression. “You like it?”

“Shit, do I like it? I love it!” I run my fingers over its metallic surface, the silver exterior gleaming in the evening glow. Grinning, I stare up at my brother who catches my gaze as I stand next to the driver’s seat, my fingers already curled on the handle.

“Can I—”

“No.”

“Please—”

“Nope.”

I pout as I pull my hand away and step to the side. Jaehyun chuckles, rubbing my head playfully before getting into the driver’s seat and starting the car. The engine purrs to life as my brother pulls out his shades and wears them. He looks at me and cocks his head to the passenger seat.

“Don’t just stand there. Get in.”

Smiling, I quickly make my way over to the other side and slip into the passenger seat. I barely have time to buckle in before Jaehyun speeds off. I scream in fright, but he laughs heartily, telling me to let loose.

With the wind harshly whipping around us, I close my eyes and tilt my head upwards, absorbing the remnants of my childhood in a place I’ll always call home. A place where my heart always feels at ease.

My name is Jung Hyuna. I’m eighteen years old, and this is my story.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

#moonbin x oc #moonbin ff #moonbin fic #moon bin #cha eunwoo #jung jaehyun #astro #nct #fanfiction #my writings #mine

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millers-planet · 3 years

Text

Makeshift pt 2 - Poe Dameron x F!Reader

Storyline: Parties with a dozen is sometimes less preferable than “parties” with two (set in between ep vii and iv)

Warnings: 2k words of smut, oral (both receiving), teasing, a lil bit of ass slapping, and like an ounce of face-fucking undertones, kind of pet names?????

Pairing: Poe Dameron x F!RebelPilot!Reader (no pronoun usage)

POV: Reader

part one

We all new this new base on Yavin 4 wouldn’t last long, which is why Poe told me to keep our stuff in boxes rather than unpack. Our multi-room living space was now demoted (like Poe’s rank) to a smaller, tent-like space, which was now just a few drawers and a bed. I was content with this, because the only think I needed in a room was Poe.

“Knock knock,” Poe’s fingers glided across the fabric, “or, I guess tap tap?” He made me giggle, grabbing my hips and turning me around to kiss him. I could feel his antsy hands slowly moving lower, “we never finished what we started on the ship back there, on our little makeshift date.”

I pushed his hands up more, onto my hips versus my ass. “These are not walls, Poe, this is fabric. While I am always down to try new things,” he smirked at me, “this is not one of them. We have been interrupted so much lately and I don’t want to risk anything.”

He broke eye contact and I saw his face go from ‘how do I find a place to fuck my girlfriend without people finding out?’ to: ‘I know a place where I can fuck my girlfriend without anyone finding out. “I got something figured out, trust me, you might hate it or you might love it, no in between.” He planted a small kiss to my forehead and walked away, “meet me back here at sunset.”

I’ve been with Poe long enough to decipher whatever his plan or idea is, before he can even get the words out. I know what each eyebrow wiggle of his means, but for some reason, I have no clue what he’s getting me into today. What is he going to do?

I waited on the Millennium Falcon for some time, just playing Dejarik with C3PO, beating the droid every once in awhile “Hey!” I looked up and my face dropped, “I told you to meet me back at the tent at sunset what happened?”

“Oh, Poe, I’m so sorry, I lost track of time playing this game with 3PO. I probably ruined whatever you had in mind, I’m sorry.” I put my face in my hands, utterly disappointed in myself for being so careless. He asked me to do one thing, how incompetent could I possibly be?

Poe crouched down to my height and pulled my face away from my hands, “Y/N, this is where I was gonna bring you anyway. I spent the rest of the day catching up with the General to see if we were making any battle plans, or if the Falcon is in use, which it isn’t...” his voice dragged on, prolonging eye contact with me in the seductive manner.

The dots finally connected in my mind and my mouth dropped, “you want to?” He nodded. “In here?” He nodded again. I looked behind me, seeing if 3PO was still there, Poe probably shewed him out while I wasn’t looking. “What if Rey wants to go check on something... or someone wants to use the ship?”

“Rey is training nonstop, Finn has been making some time for Rose, and Chewy has nothing to do,” Poe began rubbing his thumb on my palm, making eye contact again. “This is a fool-proof plan, you know I can be smart when I choose to be.”

I leaned in, inches from his face, “and it isn’t very often.” I closed the gap and kissed him gently, one of his rough hands grazing the back of my soft neck, sending chills down my spine. “If you think we’ll be fine, then sure, Poe.”

“Yes?” He asked.

“Yes.”

The biggest fucking smirk spread across his face, putting his lips to mine and standing up. He grabbed my hips and hoisted me around his waist, my legs wrapping around him, my arms going around his neck. He carried me to what seemed like a backroom, almost a medical room, on the Falcon, closing the door behind us. Gently he sat me down on the edge of the bed, getting back down on his knees, in between my legs. I knew exactly where this was going, the anticipation growing in me, making heat swell in the middle of my thighs.

With his mouth never leaving mine, the soft kisses never getting rough, just quicker, he untucked my shirt. Placing his warm hands and fingers on my torso, thumbs rubbing my waistline in between my pants. I gave him the ‘go ahead’ by solely pulling out my excess belt strap, leaving him to do the rest. Slowly, just enough to tease, he used two hands to undo my belt, fingertips always grazing my skin whenever possible. Poe undid the button to pants, placing his four finger on both of his hands in the waist of my pants, before I stopped him.

I placed a hand on his chest and pushed him back, “don’t you think the places should be reversed, I mean, we are still celebrating that dreadnaught victory, right?”

He smiled, “it was your victory just as much as it was mine.” Poe put a hand on my shoulder and pushed me back, my elbows on the bed and back just hardly touching the wall. He pulled off my pants and threw them across the room, making me laugh just a tiny bit. To build me up more, he planted kisses from the middle of my inner thigh, up to the center of my body, skipping over it, and going down my thigh. I whined quietly at the missed spot, making him look up to me and wink.

His mouth made contact with my clit, kissing it and sucking on it. He put his hands on either side of my thighs, gripping them and pushing them apart just a little bit more. Poe’s tongue lapped circled on my nub, flicking it every few seconds, making my breath catch in my throat each time. Poe had a rhythm, just one I hadn’t caught onto yet, which was good. This meant that I never knew what was gonna come next, making it remind me of our first time over and over again.

Caught in the flashback, I didn’t even notice his finger teasing my entrance before it was put inside of me. I gasped at the sensation and arched my back slightly, I could feel Poe’s smile grow. His tongue slowly added more pressure with each thrust and curl of his middle finger inside of me. The calloused finger just glided across my sweet spot, causing me to muffle a cry, “right there, oh my god, right there.”

“What do we say?” Poe stopped every movement, pulling his mouth off of me and freezing his finger knuckle-deep in me.

“Damnit, Poe,” I whined, bucking my hips slightly at the lost contact.

He tapped my ass, making me wince, not in pain, just from being caught off-guard. “What happened to manners, Y/N?”

I sucked in a breath of air, “please, Poe.” With that, he began again. His lips returned to my hot nerves and pulled his finger out, glazing over the sweet-spot once more. I dropped my head and gripped my shirt, overwhelmed by the amount of pleasure he was giving me. Just as I thought this, he put his index finger in with the next pump and curl of his middle. I melted like putty, my elbows dropped out on me, making me now flat on the bed with my ass almost entirely hanging off.

“That’s my girl,” his breath was cold, if anything, compared to my hot core. The small exhale from his nose caught me off, making my thigh twitch. With each thrust of finger and suck of his mouth, I became even more wound up. His tongue paused for a microsecond, just as he put my leg over his shoulder, opposite of the hand that inside of me. “C’mon, baby, cum for me.” His fingers pumped faster, the curls dragging out more, and the circles matching the same rhythm and intensity.

“Poe,” I cried out, my back arching and abdomen felt like it was twisting up, about to burst. His free hand slapped my ass and grabbed it, making me stifle a cry and bite my lip. My thighs shake as everything began to unwind. My walls tightened around his fingers and he slowed down his movement, helping me ride out my wave of pleasure.

As I caught my breath, Poe stood up, making the tent in his pants very obvious. I sat up and took his finger in my mouth as he placed them in there, making me cleaning them up and taste myself. He pulled his fingers out, a small pop filling the empty yet heavy air as the pressure broke. His lips met mine, the kiss was slow and meaningful, I stood up and put him where I was without breaking it.

Only when I sat down did I finally break it, getting down on my knees and undoing his pants the same way he did mine, but slower, payback for what he did to me a few minutes ago. When I finally undid the zipper and button, he lifted his hips up a little bit to help me slid his pants and underwear down, his erection springing up.

Precum came out from the top, taking my thumb I spread it around before placing him into my mouth, slowly taking him in to give jaw time to adjust. I couldn’t the entirety of him me, because if I did, I’d probably choke. Poe gathered most of my hair into one of his hands and place it on the back of my head, just a few strands hanging out. His hand wasn’t forceful, just resting there, as is face was pointed towards me, watching me try to take him all in.

I lifted my head up a little bit, going up and down, slowly adding speed. I placed one hand on his thighs and the other at the end of his length where I couldn’t get in, pumping it with the speed of my mouth. As I moved my tongue around slightly in my mouth, low grunts came from the bottom of his throat, his fingers flinching as I went on, eventual moans coming out of him, “Y/N, fuck. Yeah, use your pretty little mouth just like that.”

I could tell he sensed that I was about to do the same thing as he did to me, but before I could lift my face up, he pushed me back down, which was sudden and nearly made me choke... though this isn’t the first time. As Poe got closer, he began to buck his hips and thrust into me, basically fucking my face, which I was fine with. I bobbed my head to match with his speed and gripped him just a little bit tighter until his hand instinctively forced me down to take the full length of him in.

My nose touched his abdomen as his hand wouldn’t let up, him spewing his load into the back of my throat, forcing me to swallow so I wouldn’t choke. Tears went down my face as he finally let me back up, making me cough and wipe my mouth. Poe stood up and pulled up his pants, but didn’t buckle them or anything. He pulled me up and kissed me, passionately, the kiss deep and long. I pushed him back down onto the bed playfully and laid down next to him, pressing my bare ass against his pants. “I love you,” I said softly.

“I love you, too.” He cleared his throat and rubbed circles into my shoulder, “y’know no one has said anything to us yet, so.. if you want we could...” Before he could finished his sentence, I straddled him, looking at him down. “Yes?” He asked, the same tone from earlier.

“Yes.”

“Yes,” he flipped his over, putting me beneath him and making me laugh at the sudden change in places.

tags: @blondekel77 @mysticdeerpolice @gabile18

join the tag list!

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron x y/n #poe dameron smut #poe damn son #star wars #star wars smut #star wars x reader #star wars rise of skywalker

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magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics · 3 years

Text

Fangirl, Interrupted - Becca’s Saturday

Summary: Have you ever felt like you’re too far up your fandoms that you’re not really living your real life? Well, that. But more.

Word Count: 1,817

Pairings: Dean x reader, Sherlock x reader

Warnings: You’re not gonna like it. Sudden fandom changes, bit of smut which is not really smutty, lazy writing, suicidal attempt, usage of drugs and alcohol, OOC scenes.

Original A/N: Because of who I am, I like to exaggerate everything. With that being said, let me tell you that this is how I felt for many years, with multiple fandoms. I have lived a tortous life, therefore I was always seeking to live somewhere else. Almost all of my childhood and teenage years were an on-going loop between my fake life inside my fandoms and my real life. I barely remember anything now outside that make-pretend life I created for myself. Now I am living my life, in a way that I can no longer hide inside that fake life. Call it what you want. Anxiety is coming back to me, fyi, and I tried to hide there but I just can’t. This is my way of expressing it. The Girl, Interrupted theme is because I watched it yesterday after performing Lisa’s monologue at my acting class - a way of giving therapy to myself through art. Anyway, I hope you don’t read this fic. I didn’t like it at all, but I feel the need, nonetheless, to share it somewhere. To have evidence that I went through that. Probably, someone out there has too. Idk.

New A/N: I wrote this MONTHS ago, long before I got diagnosed, and I got scared of posting it because it could be too depressing. But I hate leaving drafts all alone so here goes nothing.

Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought you were moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy… Maybe it was loneliness…

“Put her in restraints!” A woman yelled. “Withdraw blood… Give her five milligrams of Valium, IV”

“Turn her head so she doesn’t aspirate,” another woman advised. I felt my head being turned by a pair of terribly warm hands.

I was attacked. I had been attacked.

“You should check my hand. There’s no bones in it anymore…”

“What were you thinking?” The first woman asked.

“I was trying to save the world…” I replied, “Don’t worry, you’ll thank me later.”

Sometimes it’s hard for me to stay in one place.

“Hey,” I opened my eyes at the familiar voice. The image at first was blurry, but I could recognize the colors of their flannel shirts. My back was killing me, and my arms felt numb. “(Y/N) are you okay?”

“Yo, sweetheart! Wake up!” A rough voice called out. I could see his red flannel.

Red flannel. Dean was wearing a red flannel, and Sam had the green one. That could only mean one thing…

I looked down at my own clothes, I was wearing a brown flannel.

I smiled childishly, and my vision finally cleared. Both men were staring at me, worried. “I’m home,” is all I could say.

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes, Sam smiled back at me.

“Yes, you are,” he said, “you’re home with us. Where else would you be?”

“At a hospital or some shit,” I replied.

“We don’t do no hospitals, sweetheart,” Dean reminded me from afar.

“Did we get him? The djinn?” I inquired, with wide eyes.

“Yup,” Sam nodded.

Dean appeared back again, handing me a cold beer. It was closed. Sam took my hand and guided it to my forehead, so I could press the bottle to my forehead. I was probably wounded there too.

“We Jafar-ed the shit out of him,” Dean snorted. Sam inhaled profoundly, as an attempt to not slap his brother. “I Jas-min that we almost didn’t make it…” Dean continued, “but enough Abu me,” he giggled, “how was your daydream, sweetheart? Where’d Iago?”

“Please, stop,” Sam begged. Dean tried to argue but Sam was already looking back at me. “But do tell us where did you go?”

“I…”

“Where did you go?”

“(Y/N)” a strong light blinded me for a second. I suddenly felt something in my eyes, pulling them open. “(Y/N), we’re calling you!” The voice chanted. “Hello, Earth requires Ms (Y/N)...”

“Wha-what?” I stuttered, pulling away from the light.

The scenery had changed. I was no longer at a motel room with awful wallpaper, but instead at a very nice living room, though the wallpaper was still awful.

“Are you okay?” The man that had been calling my name asked. He kneeled in front of me.

“Are you real?” I tilted my head to the side, and he smiled tenderly.

“As real as your nose,” he said and booped my nose. His touch was soft and warm.

“What happened?”

“You fainted,” another voice answered. I looked back, only to see the familiar figure of Sherlock sitting on his desk, typing furiously on his computer. “I told you not to get too close to the evidence, but did you listen? No, why?” He gazed back, “Because ‘oh Sherlock, don’t be so stern, it’s just a flower bouquet!’ but I was right, as usual.”

“Let her breath,” Watson commanded. “We both smelled it too and nothing bad happened.”

“Yes, but so did the police officers… All male, I must remind you” Sherlock snapped. “The flowers were sent to a woman who, where is she now? Oh, yes, DEAD!”

“I don’t get it,” I interfered.

“I suspect the flowers are poisoned with some sort of chemical that only affects women, by reacting to their production of hormones.” Sherlock informed me.

“Right… And what does that have to do with your intoxication?” The female voice asked again.

I suddenly snapped back to the hospital. I was laying in a hospital bed, with lots of tubles connected to me. There was a woman in white, sitting by my side with a notepad on her lap.

“Well, obviously I’ve been affected… It’s the flowers, you see…” I spoke.

“Flowers? What flowers?” The nurse, she was a nurse, asked again.

“The poisoned flowers!”

“Do you see them now?” She inquired.

“Of course not!”

“No?”

The djinn stood behind her. “Say no,” he said with an ominous voice.

“No,” I obeyed.

The nurse looked behind her and the djinn disappeared instantly. “Are you seeing anything out of the ordinary at the moment?”

“No, why would I? I’m not crazy,”

“At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were…” Dean sighed. He was sitting by my side, in bed, and was connecting his phone to the charger. “I am a little crazy too, you know?”

“Oh, yeah?” I trembled.

“Yeah,” he muttered and finally let go off his phone. He turned to look at me for a second before cuddling me. I was the small spoon, he was shirtless. “I’m crazy about you.”

“Smooth,” I replied sheepishly. I could feel the ghost of his arms around me… Ghost, because I couldn’t really feel him. He was hot, yet cold as if air was blowing over my skin.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked.

“I am.”

I wasn’t. I’m not okay.

“Good night, sweetheart,” he whispered and pecked my shoulder. Again, I felt it but not quite.

“Dean?”

“Huh?” I closed my eyes, not wanting to see what would happen after I said what I wnated to say.

“I feel like I’m still inside the djinn’s daydream,” I confessed.

Dean sat up and fixed a lose strand of hair that was falling over my eyes.

“You’re not inside a djinn’s daydream…” He said, calmly.

“How can you tell?” I asked, still not opening my eyes.

“Because djinns don’t exist, that’s why,” he said.

I finally opened my eyes. Black locks and blue eyes were all I could see for a moment.

“Djinns are mythological, and that is all…” Sherlock continued. I could hear his voice turning from Dean’s to his own. “I understand that maybe the toxins from the flowers could affect your perception of life, but there is nothing to fear. The effects will pass and you’ll be good as new.”

“I don’t feel good as new.”

“Clearly,” he grunted.

Noticing my state, he decided to go a little further from his usual behaviour. He pressed his head to my arm… I was still laying on my side, as if I was still being the small spoon.

“I will be here, by your side, as long as you let me.”

My heart fluttered, but not in love but rather in pain.

“I can’t control that.”

“The pills are having a positive effect on her now, we can get her to be conscious for a bit longer than before…” I heard a voice coming from the hall.

“What is that?” I asked. Sherlock tilted his head.

“What?” He furrowed, “I don’t hear anything.”

“Well, I do.”

I got up from bed and opened the door. At the other side of it was a hospital hall rather than Sherlock’s. All white, with blinding white lights. The nurse was talking to what I assumed was a doctor.

I felt like I would faint again.

Sherlock got up as well and dragged me back to the bed, closing the door behind us.

“You know what could help?” He smirked. “I know… Because I know you.”

He got me back in bed, facing up to the ceiling. I was about to talk, when I felt him pulling down my pijama shorts. A sigh left my lips, as I felt his tongue rubbing my clit in circles. I closed my eyes, filled with pleasure, and tried to keep it quiet so neither Mrs Hudson nor Watson could hear us.

“Come here,” I begged after a while.

I opened my eyes and saw Dean crawling up to my face. His tattoo was covered in sweat and his hair was ruffled.

“You thought I would just leave it there, sweetheart?” He flirted and, without a warning, he thrust inside me. “You feel good today… Tight, and so wet for me…”

I moaned, getting lost in his green eyes. I wanted to kiss him, but I couldn’t.

I didn’t even feel his weight over me.

I blinked.

TARDIS.

I blinked again.

Dean was looking at me, dumbfounded as he made love to me.

I shook my head and closed my eyes again, letting my body fall back into the pillows as I succumbed to the pleasure he… they were giving me. I called both of their names in between whispers until I climaxed.

I sighed and opened my eyes.

I was in my room. Darkness surrounded me. I was alone, and my fingers were still between my legs.

I wiped them quickly with the bed sheets and took my phone to googled Dean Winchester’s name, only to find out that he was not being looked at by the US government, but rather a fictional character. Not only that, but I saw pictures of him in the most intimate moments… Moments I could recall from living them with him.

I clicked on one of his pictures.

Jensen Ackles… Married.

I clicked on Sam’s.

Married.

I clicked on Castiel’s.

Married.

They were all married. Click by click I undercovered the lie I was living in.

“But what about Sher?” I thought to myself.

I googled him. Fictional character, based on the books by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

There he was, my Sherlock, next to others who had also played him.

“I thought I was in a hospital,” I whispered.

“Maybe it’s just your unconscious mind asking to be treated by a professional.” Castiel’s voice spoke.

“Maybe it’s because that is where you’re going,” Sam gestured to the side of my bed. A bottle of vodka laid there empty, next to empty sets of aspirins.

“Is there an end to this?” I asked.

“I’m afraid not,” Jim Moriarty spoke from the darkness. “But aren’t you having fun?”

“What if I die?” I insisted.

“You won’t,” Sherlock said, “you still got enough energy to call an ambulance for yourself.”

“Please do,” Watson begged softly.

I grabbed my phone and dialed the number.

“I need an ambulance…”

“We’ll see you on the other side, sweetheart.” Dean smiled with a glimpse of sadness.

“I love you, guys.”

No tags for this one.

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shhh-no-ones-home · 3 years

Text

liar, liar (2/2) bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

part 1 part 2

i didnt edit this before my computer died so if it sucks sorry lol

song: 5 am by amber run

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

about a week later and i was itching to get back into it. i felt useless sitting at home healing, and bucky new that. so when sam called, though he was hesitant to let me go, he told me what was going down anyway. he helped me get dressed and we made our way to the meeting spot.

when we got there it was easy to tell sam was uncomfortable with me being there. he made it known i should be at home resting. but i made sure he knew i could be useful in other ways. bucky and sam both knew it was a losing battle to argue with me, even if i had a hard time doing anything by myself. so when john showed up again, this time by himself, we all were angrier than we were the first time.

"what is it gonna take for you to actually piss off?"

i asked and he faked hurt.

"wow y/n, that hurts."

i held my hand against my abdomen.

" as much as a bullet wound?"

i asked and he sent me a look.

"you know i didnt do that on purpose."

i side nodded.

"do i?"

bucky stepped in front of me.

"what are you doing here john?"

"im here to help."

"i think youve helped enough."

i could tell bucky was on edge. if anything he was shielding me as best he could incase anything else happened or progressed.

"we both know you need me-"

"just like that?"

same asked, shaking his head and also stepping forward.

"we can just move on, work together-"

"you shot my girlfriend john! you think im just going to move on from that?!?!"

bucky yelled. i could tell he was getting tense. i touched his shoulder gently.

"bucky let it go."

i said calmly, just to him.

"no! i wont! and i find it weird that you arent as upset about this as i am."

he was almost in hysterics, looking from me to john.

"she has done nothing but try to be nice to you and this is the thanks she gets."

he said with a harsh tone, stepping away from me and getting into johns face. i breathed deeply, wincing at the pinching feeling in my side. sam looked worried as he tried to study me and make sure they didnt lunge at each other.

"ive only ever just been doing my job. i cant help it she got in the way."

"oh sure, cause youre job is to hurt innocent people. steve would have never even carried a gun."

john looked away for a second, clenching his jaw.

"im not steve."

"yeah no shit."

"bucky."

i warned and he shook his head.

"youre not steve and youre not captain america."

"i am whether you like it or not."

he quipped back.

"back off john."

i warned but they were still face to face, fuming at each other.

"youll never be captain America."

Bucky seethed. sam hated him just as much and i knew if it came down to it he would protect bucky but he wouldnt get between the two.

"neither will you."

he said and i looked to the ceiling. that was a mistake.

"steve was my friend. you didnt even know him. he was a good man, not some self righteous ass-hat parading around town doing photo ops and signing autographs."

john went to open his mouth until i stepped between them and put my hand on his shoulder.

"we dont have time for this."

i said sternly, placing my other hand on Bucky's shoulder and pushing the two apart. john shrugged my hand off his shoulder, his eyes never once leaving buck.

"i dont see why you all defend him. hes not worth it."

john said and now it was my time to fume over him. before i could even think about what i was doing, my hand was leaving bucky's shoulder and colliding its way into johns jaw.

"y/n!"

sam yelled, bucky holding my arms lightly as john stood back upright.

"hes twice the man youll ever be."

i said loudly, stumbling over and placing my hand at my side my side. bucky tried to keep me steady.

"youll never be captain America because you are the difference between a good man and a good soldier. you only ever do what you think is right in an act of duty, not what you think is right for the good of the people. ive seen it, steve only ever thought about others. he never cared about the title, he only wanted to do what was right."

i was starting to feel light headed

"bucky."

i mumbled out, feeling my legs give out under me.

"shit."

he said and i looked down as he guided me to the floor. i was beginning to bleed through my bandages.

"you dont deserve that shield because you lack empathy john."

i struggled. he just looked down at me with a guilty look on his face. he knew exactly what i was talking about and he could see it now, the consequences of his actions sat on the floor bleeding.

"i hope you get better soon y/n."

he said, gripping the shield tighter against his arm and walking away from us. i looked up at bucky who had his hand over mine, putting pressure against the wound.

"i guess you were right, i should've stayed home."

i labored.

"but god was that punch worth it."

i said and he laughed a little through a few tears.

"youre stupid sometimes but i love you anyways."

he said and i smiled, wincing as i tried to sit up.

"i love you too buck, now help me stand. we have some people to save."

i said, bracing myself against him as he lifted me off the floor. i stumbled into him and he held me tightly.

"maybe we should get you to the hospital-"

"im fine buck, just help me over there."

he did as told, sam coming to help out.

"you guys go make sure he doesnt hurt anyone else. ill be here when youre done."

sam nodded, moving to leave but pausing when bucky didnt move.

"its okay buck. ill be okay."

i touched his face gently. for a split second i passed my vision to him, to let him know i meant it. when it was over he nodded at me, a small smile on his face.

"dont die before i get back."

i laughed a little as he pulled my hand from his cheek.

"ill be right here, alive and well."

he kissed my forehead before looking to sam and taking off.

"make sure you get him back to me sam!"

i yelled and he held a thumb in the air for me to see as they ran around the corner. i sighed, falling back onto my back with a thud and a loud groan. i felt like i did when i had been shot. i was losing a lot of blood but i didnt want anyone to worry about me anymore. but i knew id get out of this, even if i passed out like i felt i was going to. all was going to be alright in the end. like i told him before he left-

"ill be right here."

#wattpad #x reader #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #sam wilson #the falcon and the winter soldier #the falcon #the winter soldier #imagines #one shots #captain america #321

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smndragon · 3 years

Note

Hi there lovely! 🥰 I’m a new follower after seeing Medusa mention you pls pardon the intrusion 💜 do you mind if I could get a reading? My big 3 are Virgo sun, Gemini moon, Aries rising. Sorry if this is sudden but I like how detailed you were with Medusa’s placements ✨

Alright so my hands are kinda sweaty and my screen being cracked doesn't help me typing but let's go!

Hm, Virgo sun, Gemini moon, and Aries ascendant. This probably will be less detailed ask for more if wanted cause I miss things a lot sorry lol.

I'm trying to keep up and I know I'm not pressured but it's a personality thing😭 the first sign that reaches out is probably Virgo sun, since Virgo is my moon it feels more comfortable. It seems to want to fill me with its self, taking on liquid forms of green mush and slime. Mixes of cold blue are in the body of the Virgo sun, they seem to really crave affection and comfort. I see no home until writing this now. The walls of the Virgo Suns home are moist and damp, they feel as if the whole house had been submerged in water and lakey substance. I see myself smiling while messing with the peeled wall with my fingers. The Virgo is comforting. The wet of the walls says it enjoys the ocean and has trouble parting from those it loves. The host is above all a priority but sometimes it clouds it's judgment with this sense of loss somewhere. Many of the bodies Virgo has held have been pained and abused by natural law. They can't cope unless they are one with their host. Pieces of stardust fall from the ceiling, the middle room light is dim and yellow. The walls are now also a yellow. I smell the smoke of cigarettes. Possible influence dealing with your parents in childhood. I keep seeing the word "father" not necessarily bad your relationship could be wonderful it's just certain needs during childhood may not have been met. During your time Virgo sun tried it's best taking care of you, offering pieces of its constellation in the form of smiles and rest. I see freckles on someone. Possible chance of feeling either trans (wanting to be) or non binary at times. Astrology is a coping mechanism as many things now are. Possible placement in the shoulders, arms, neck, or pelvic area. It travels to the chest when It wants to feel closer listening to your heart beat as a gentle melody. The Virgo is asleep so on we move.

The Aries ascendant is trying to get to me. It feels warm, taking me up on its back and running as though the heat of the sun had reached its hooves. A white and black mixed coat adorned in many patches of cloth and silk. They enjoy passionate fires. We walk slower to an area in the trees, further into the horizon is a sunset and sun rising, this world is mixed in variation. I don't believe the moon exists in the rams domain unless it's hot summer nights. The Aries ascendant is a warm orange and red, flickers of white and ash fall around us. The ash of many fires gone and many more to come. You'd think your Aries would not be able to survive but it has been so used to the fire inside it basks in it. Possible problems when younger with anger management or expressing emotion. I see green eyes, mixed with yellow or blue. Wherever I go here there's someone smiling in the clouds around us. The ram adores children. Possible want for them or ability to manage them. They are most associated with children and know how to relate to them. I see people dancing in fall leaves. The Aries offers you the gift of joy, the joy that fills every crevice of your body, pools of lava in your veins that burn those hated and warm those who need it. I don't see much hate from you but with Aries and Gemini it is possible. Possible placements are in the hips, feet and legs, or ears?

I REALIZED IVE BEEN CALLING THEM THE SUN ON ACCIDENT because of this I think you may be more like your ascendant than other signs in outer personality shown to people.

Lastly the Gemini moon is present, the hot fire of the ram disappears and is replaced with a string in my hand. People have tried to cut it, spined out of gold and red. Reminds me of little red riding hood. That thought kinda marks me worried to where it leads. Possible search for love being an unnecessary priority. Your angels tell you to clam down with something. Athena and Ares gift you with eternal guidance. (I don't know many gods but I have theories on how they connect with people I'll talk about someday). Enjoy these days, Ares looks at you with kind eyes, blood hungriness isn't seen. They pity the thought of having to lose you as a patron. "Show your gods they raised a champion" that randomly came up with the thought of flowers. I can't remember which ones but forget-me-(k)nots I think they're called came up? You have many more days to come. Some cut short with anger, relief, rushes of adrenaline losing bits and pieces of memory. Now I feel I know where the line leads. Cabinets and great isles of files are shown. Almost like an office or library. There's still little light here. Aries isn't close enough to offer it's light it seems. I think it could be in the knees. The very stand of the body, the files hold memories of constant things. The reason I think they're in the knees is because it is the base of the body in a way, carries you up with the strength and help of the feet. Giving more light on Aries placement. They work in order to move things throughout the body. Papers, memories, thoughts, recalls. So many things go through them with Aries being the messenger. The Virgo doesn't seem to come out enough to see them often but they enjoy seeing the letters the two zodiacs write them when they feel down or sick. This balance is amazing.

All in all, you have many things ahead of you now and in the next life if you believe in it. I can't tell if you've strayed from your path or not, but in the end to me it really isn't that bad. We all need breaks and that's okay, resting near a tree isn't gonna damage you too much unless you spend months there. "Sing" the Aries tells me. Gift yourself the thought of a tommorow guaranteed.

Possible characteristics are: smaller arms maybe? Or hands. I see nice legs as they are a base of operation. You aren't exactly slim possibly from the Virgo sun. The Virgo gifts abundance like Taurus. It offers endless reassurance in your bones and flesh. Possible like for white shoes or crops and summer shorts. Your skin is either a tanned white or a dark honey kind of? Love of activity and friendships included. I thinks round 5'1-5'5. Your style is lovely in a way where your signs don't feel the need to coat you in fancy designers or great clothing. I see confidence brought on by the Geminis gifts and abilities to train themselves somehow (in a way I see training to love yourself either still ongoing or finished). Gemini cna multitask so probable ability to talk on the phone and cook hard meals someday💀 you have more to offer this world. In the form of a comforting havock. I don't know what more to say. Possible nose ring, piercings on the body, at least 1 or 2 in the ear if not nosed.

Possible pain in the sides. Watch for the woods and sharp things I saw? I keep seeing nails but that's weird at what do u plan on doing😰😰😰 make sure to check for gas wherever you go long term if you do in the future. Even if you're not the one driving.

Your kind of future relationship or now will be filled with love. Nothing more. Sometimes things may be thrown but uh calm down y'all are gonna be fine.

Possible other zodiac influence through other people is: Pisces, Cancer moon, mars, neptune, Taurus Venus, and Virgo suns

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sergeant-angels-trashcan · 3 years

Note

for the otp game gimme the og pairing, kate and Matt Murdock c'mon u kno u want to

Getting back to my ROOTS love it

1. What was their first impression of each other?

“WHOMST this garbage can?” with a side of “oh no he’s hot” for Kate like, okay, it was more of a “oh you’re a COMPETENT garbage can” but still, a garbage can.

2. What is their ship name?

Mattkate? amongst my various playlists and document names they are also “feathers and horns” and “evil eyes and daring dodos” “

3. Describe their relationship dynamic.

garbage just kidding. in a lot of ways they are opposites attracting--Kate is good with big plans but has trouble with details while Matt is ALL about details. Kate is a contingency planner, while Matt is more impulsive--at least when fighting crime. Kate has a LOT more practical experience than Matt does. That’s flipped in their romantic relationship--Matt’s more likely to slow play something or be cautious while Kate has a “ah fuck it” mentality. Go for broke, fix the damage later

4. What was their relationship like before they got together?

pftpfpfpf antagonistic but in a dumb way, like, both of them constantly spiritually eyerolling at each other but also secretly impressed with the other’s skill. they were weirdly touchy-feely with each other early on in their friendship, due to checking on each other’s injuries, etc (weird for them, not weird touching)

5. How would they describe each other?

they both think the other is reckless which all of their friends would think was hilarious if they all also didn’t have a stash of bloodstained towels that are Matt and Kate’s fault

Matt thinks Kate is one of the strongest people he’s ever met, and she’s...not forgiving, exactly, but always willing to give people a chance. he also thinks she’s really funny.

Kate describes Matt as simultaneously the smartest person she’s ever met and the dumbest person she knows. He’s brave, selfless to a fault, and has a “look at all the fucks i give” mentality that she really admires

6. What do they love about each other?

Matt loves Kate’s determination and her steadfastness. In a lot of ways, she’s easily distractible, terrible with time, but if she says she’s there for you, she’s there, no matter what. She’s also not afraid to tangle with powerful people, so the have that in common,

Kate loves Matt’s “Stick it to the man” attitude, how deeply he cares for his friends, and that he’s normal, mostly, but saw a problem and decided to do something about it.

7. What do they have in common?

concussions

also looking at people they have no business tangling with and fucking with them anyway.

8. What are some differences between them?

Kate is very aware that she’s human. This is something she’s aware of in fights and forgets after, so she’s bad at taking care of herself.

Matt knows he’s human and ignores this fact during fights but is VERY aware of after. So he makes sure Kate takes care of herself.

Matt also angsts a lot more than Kate about the morality and legality of vigilantism, whereas Kate’s been doing this since before she could vote so she’s kind of over it. Matt also has a lot more doubt over being a superhero and Kate’s all in.

9. What made them realize they were in love?

they’ve lowkey been in love for most of their relationship, honestly, so for both of them it was a lot of little things building up over time. One morning Kate was tying Matt’s tie for court and he had a split lip--he was going over his opening statement, drumming his fingers on her hips and she just went ah. that’s what this feeling is. it wasn’t like, a startling revelation, just something that settled back in her gut, something that was always there.

Matt realized he loved Kate, like, truly madly deeply, one day listening to her snoring in the vents between his office and hers. Looking back, though, he thinks he first started falling in love with her when she threatened to get into a physical altercation with Stick

10. What are their love languages?

cuddling. they’re SUPER physically affectionate. or not even affection, just touching to check in on each other.

they also bandage each other’s wounds

11. Do they get married? Who proposes and how?

i know nobody will believe me but I DON’T KNOW!!!! Because Kate doesn’t see the point but Good Catholic Boy Matt MUST GET MARRIED. Matt probably resigns himself to them never getting married and then Kate proposes to him after some fancy event--basically her in a full length evening gown on one knee (that pops very loudly) and Foggy whooping in the background.

That, or one of them is hospitalized and there’s some Shenanigans with letting the other in and Matt’s like “never again. we’re getting married,” and Kate’s like “fine but we’re using my insurance” (while she’s hooked up to an IV and oxygen)

it’s the least romantic thing ever but both of them think it’s PEAK romance and get very sappy and emotional about it. Sister Maggie is over the moon. Father Latte is stoked. They are completely unaware of the fact that Kate actually has to be convinced to have a Cathoic-ish wedding, and that Clint is very upset he’s not allowed to perform the ceremony

Kate’s dress is fabrics Matt likes to listen to against her skin. Matt wears a burgundy tux with an arrow tie bar.

12. What would happen if they never met? Matt’s life is the show, Kate probably winds up back in California. I hate to be like “Matt dies young” but that’s what happens, folks.

13. Who dies first? How does the other one react? this isn’t real life. fuck death. also, considering Matt has been missing, assumed dead, i can say Kate reacts Not Well, takes down a drug smuggling ring, becomes invested in Frank Castle as a human person, (re)joins SHIELD, and teaches Karen self-defense (seriously, it’s like...a whole thing I started writing)

14. Are there any love rivals? Frank Castle, Elektra Natchios, and movie!Matt. Two of those have polyamory potential. one is just getting his ass kicked

15. Describe your favorite moment of that ship!

their UST cuddle sessions. where they’re like “we’re not cuddling” but they TOTALLY are

16. What do other characters think about this relationship?

mostly varying shades of “oh my god, they’re gonna die”. Most of their friends think it’s cute--Frank Castle doesn’t get it at all, Foggy sometimes wonders if Kate is a bad influence. Father Latte LOVES them together, can’t wait to marry them. Clint doesn’t think Matt’s good enough for Kate, but that’s pretty typical.

17.Describe or write a really fluffy scene!

this is a post-midland scene where father latte yoinks Kate into the church

Sister Maggie glares and bitches—who knew nuns bitched?--but the other bed gets pushed up against Matt’s. Kate’s not entirely certain what Sister Maggie thinks is going to happen—Matt’s clearly not in any position to do much more than sleep and moan in misery—but the nun’s eyes soften a bit when she sees Matt’s hand still clasped between Kate’s.

“I’m not leaving him,” Kate repeats, aware that she’s starting to sound like a petulant child and not much caring.

It’s done, though, and Kate lays on her side, facing Matt and still holding his hand like it’s a lifeline. Exhaustion settles around her like a heavy blanket and Kate fights through it to wriggle just a little bit closer to Matt, close enough to press her forehead against his arm, remembering other times they’d slept like this that seem so long ago.

…

Matt doesn’t wake so much as he slowly drifts toward consciousness. There’s something different about it this time, something he can’t quite remember that makes him anxious and excited all at once.

Someone is holding his hand, something is warm all along his side, and even though his hearing is muffled, Matt can hear someone crying out.

He breaks the surface and gasps for air.

So much pain, his leg feels like it’s on fire and his skull feels two sizes too small and his ribs crackle with pain every time he breathes.

But something--

Someone is holding his hand, hugging his arm and he can’t smell or hear or taste but the calluses and the scars are familiar and Matt's heart leaps into his throat.

“Kate,” he croaks, squeezing at her hand while tugging at her arm. “Kate, it’s nightmare, wake up.”

Matt can’t even count on one hand the number of times that method of waking Kate up has worked, mostly because it never has, but this time, someone’s looking out for them because it does.

Kate jerks upright, her breath coming in sharp pants that echo in the silence, loud enough that even Matt can hear. Her hand tightens around his as she catches her breath, gulping in enough air to make a sad, heartbreaking little noise. “It’s real, you’re alive?”

Matt doesn’t respond because he’s using what little energy he has to reach for her with his free hand, his fingertips clumsily bumping against her cheek.

She makes that sad little noise again, one that Matt knows would rip right through him if he wasn’t already in excruciating pain.

She’s leaning over him, then, the tips of her hair brushing against his bare skin before she’s raining kisses on his face, light, gentle, sweet kisses.

This is familiar, Matt thinks, feeling like this might have happened a few hours earlier, before someone changed the room so she could lay down next to him.

He doesn’t know how to comfort her. Before—this, before everything, he would have listened to her heartbeat before deciding if he should ask her if she wanted pressure or space. And he would have either scooted to the far edge of the bed, or he would have rolled on top of her, setting his weight on her to keep her grounded and present.

18. Describe or write a really angsty scene!

sooo uhhh not strictly mattkate but from a wip where Matt doesn’t let Kate know he survived the explosion at midland and Kate stumbles into the punisher season 1 storyline uhhh i have nothing to say for myself

“He left me.”

“What?” Frank’s thunderous gaze is fixed on Kate now, and she falters under it.

“Matt. He, um. When he. At Midland,” she stumbles through the thought and Frank softens. “he didn’t just—I don’t know what Karen told you—he didn’t just die—he--he stayed. Her name was Elektra.” Kate takes a deep breath and it’s like she’s rehearsed this, how she would say it and the words come too easy.

“She was he ex-girlfriend, former love, from college. She came back into his life about the same time we met you. And it was rough, you know? They still had feelings for each other, but he picked me—or maybe he didn’t, maybe it was because she died and that made the choice for him. There’s a lot of magic bullshit in this story,” Kate answers Frank’s unspoken question. “And it was magic bullshit that brought her back to life, only not quite right. Not quite human. She’s who they were fighting at Midland.” Her eyes prickle hot with tears as she says the worst part, the part her mind worries like a dog with a bone when she can’t sleep at night. “He chose. To, to not let Elektra die alone, he chose her over me. He decided that life with me was worse than death with her,” and there it is, the whole ugly, painful truth, I wasn’t enough, it was Elektra all along, and it burns the back of her throat, it constricts her chest. The tears burn tracks down her cheeks, cooling along her jaw. “I hate him. He made me believe—I thought what we had was real. I thought he loved me--”

Her voice breaks on a sob she can no longer contain, and all at once Frank surrounds her, his arms crushing her to his chest, his gentle shushing ruffling her hair. “Hey there, sweetheart, hey, it’s all right. He loved you, anyone could see that. He could have gotten trapped, could have gotten hit in the head, we don’t know.” His hands drag up and down her spine. “I’m right here, sweetheart, it’s okay.”

19. Talk about a headcanon you’ve never talked about before. so it’s not exactly MattKate but Kate was married to America, once, in space, and they just...forgot to get divorced after they broke up. So there’s a whole thing with the three of them that involves Matt and America becoming really good friends--I mean, they both like punching stuff, that’s a solid basis for a friendship, right? And they get lunch every few months and Kate’s just like “why is my ex-wife texting you” and, of course, the “Kate and Elektra dated” headcanon, which dovetails really nicely with Matt/Kate/Elektra ot3. Kate and Elektra just sprawled on Matt’s couch asking him to bring them food because they’re heiresses they’re too pretty to get things themselves

20. What does a typical date look like for them?

Kate trying to keep Matt from listening for crime. Kate grilling Matt about the kitchen, Kate guessing the relationships of the other diners and Matt telling her if she’s right or wrong. Stopping a mugging on the way home and making out in an alley.

21. What’s a really significant moment in their relationship?

WHOOPS MISSED THIS, but it’s the first time they take Fisk down. it was them working as a team, recognizing their romantic feelings, just. all around a good day. it’s an anniversary they celebrate every year

#Anonymous #mattkate #matt murdock #kate bishop #hawkeye #Daredevil #my stuff #ask meme answers #give me more this was fun #if it's a ship i've written for i'll probably post some stuff i've already written #also what the hell is happening with the formatting what did i do

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wavbleu · 3 years

Text

Rodrick heffley: Keep quiet

tw: possession and degrading

~~~~~~~~~

"I cant believe she would do that to you!" you say with a short giggle, you look at Rodricks adorable face and my smile grew bigger knowing that the only time hes genuinely happy and laughing is around you. "I was so totally shocked when she bit me, my dick hurt for like the following week." He stroked his fingers through his semi-short hair and continued on his painful story on how he lost his virginity.

You and Rodrick have been talking for 2 and a half months now, you and him have an extreme connection despite the fact that you are totally opposite. You like to wear softer colored clothes and get good grades in school, and Rodrick well... doesn't. He doesn't give a shit what people think or say about him and just goes the way he wants to, Thats what you've always adored him, you were jealous of that.

Sometimes you question how your friends with a guy as corrupted as him.

But when ever you converse the words just spill out of you, it actually feels like hes engaged and actually willing to hear more and learn about you. You've never experienced anything like that before. Speaking that most of your exes just used you for sex.

Whenever your around Rodrick, you feel like yourself. What ever you are scared to be in front of everyone else you show it to him and he strangely accepts it. Obviously, you would even consider him your best friend or 'pal' But lately ... the way he touches you isnt very 'pal-like' . Although it may seem like something small, he would massage your knee and work his way down your smooth thigh, stopping right before he reaches your inner thigh; slowly massaging that area and leaves you wanting more of him.

It could be when your hugging and he lowers his hands from your waist to your hips.. Stuff like that may not seem large but it speaks louder and clear that theres sexual tension in the air.

Rodrick finished up his tragic v card story and you both giggled, Rodrick then abruptly stopped laughing and his once loud laugh turned into a snarky smile. "What's with the smirk." you say smiling nervously not knowing what he will do.

"Are you a virgin?" He says, "Nah." You respond back to him. "Ive only had sex with 2 people though."

Yea you weren't a virgin (at all) but man when you had sex it was just beyond awful, terrible. Butterflies grew in your stomach as you watched him bite his cheek in amazement.

"Wow, Little miss Y/N getting freaky in the sheets." he teased, you droopily looked down at your swinging feet hanging off your bed and sighed before admitting, "Well it wasn't exactly good.. if fact it was absolutely dreadful." , "Well i wanna hear this to see if its just as bad as mines."

You adjusted yourself to lean against the white headboard, looking at Rodrick who was seated at the end of the bed. You wrapped your arms around your pillow and started reminiscing on how you lost your virginity at the ripe old age of 17.

"Well it was a party that was at some random guys house.. gee I dont even remember his name... I think it was like tony or something like that.","We were in this small group with other people in our grade, we were bored so we decided to play 7 minutes in heaven.." , "and it was my turn to spin the bottle, sadly."...

flashback

~~~~~

(skip if you dont like the extra length.)

You anxiously spun the bottle, hoping that it would stop on your crush, Luke Hannington. The bottle spun and everyone watched in awe.

You felt your heart drop to your stomach as the bottle started to decelerate and fixate on a person.. tense but hopeful , you look up at the person the bottle focused on.

Luke.

You tried to hold back your sheer excitement and joyfulness, but it quickly came to a halt after seeing your crushes nonchalant, monotone, bored face. 'He was probably hoping for someone hotter' you think yourself pathetically.

Everyone sneakily snickered and whispered in each others ears after seeing his disappointed face and disgusted eyes.

You felt like bursting into tears after feeling the way you did. You felt hideous.

"So ill set the timer, the closet is on your left sweetie." The host said, obviously trying to hold back her sneaky remarks until you get in the closet.

He quickly gets up and speed walks to the closet, you followed, fondling your fingers and biting the skin off your lip.

You got to the closet, atleast he was sweet enough to hold the door open for you.

You sat down on the carpeted floor, hassling all the jackets and coats off of you. Luke frantically searched for the light so we can actually see in this closet and took a seat after.

He closed the door and minutes later you heard it lock from the otherside, "Begin, lovebirds!"

The only thing that began was the pure awkwardness and his uncomfortable glances. "So um.." You tried to start a convo but failed at it miserably, nothing you were doing was working, he would always give this stupid uncomfy look or mess with his collar. You were milliseconds away from kicking the door down and leaving this stupid party.

"Im sorry." he said noticing your frustration, "I dont think your ugly or anything.", "Ive had sex before, but not with strangers."

Stranger. Neat.

Tension arosed in the closet after he asked out of no where, "Have you ever been fingered before?" ,"I think im a pro if i say so myself."

You nodded your head no, "Im a virgin..","Ive always wanted to though.." You tried to say seductively hoping to make him hard. "Open your legs." He sternly demanded, you obeyed and did just that.

He pulled off your cotton panties and felt you up and down, then awkwardly slid a finger in. You gasp surprised, hoping he would've given more foreplay. "Um.." You moan as he fingered you in an accelerating pace , rubbing your left lip thinking it was your clit.

You felt second hand embarrassment for him, Luke Hannington doesn't know where the clitoris is?

You were drying out and getting turned off by his loud grunts and heavy breathing, actually thinking he was doing something. "Somebody lied to this man.." You said in your head. "No way do i actually have to fake an orgasm for this psychopath to stop."

You prepped yourself and tried replicate the girls off of pornhub, "Oh yes!" you moaned as you shook your legs frantically, a smile grew upon his face as he went faster. "Im gonna-" You dramatically puff your chest up faking an intense orgasm.

He stopped and swiped the sweat off of his forehead, "Good right?" , "Great, i bet you i wont even be able walk straight!" You moan, you cheesily snapped your fingers and giving him finger guns to throw him off your awful acting. The timers alarm rung, "Finally." You thought to yourself.

You stood up and walked out of the closet just fine.

You got back to the group who were snickering and giggling like a bunch of pre-schoolers.

~~~~

end of flashback

"Bad but not as bad as mines." He chuckled competitively, "Whatever." You threw a pillow at him. "Ive been cursed with the spell "awful sex." ever since that night." You dramatically say, "Is that so?" , "No guy has been capable of making you cum.. making you scream?" His voice lowered, looking into your eyes with a hot confused look.

"Yea pretty much." You sneakily adjust your skirt so he can see your soft thighs and a sliver of your panties. The room went silent as he looked you up and down, examining your body and its crevices , he licked his lips struggling to control the urge to squish and carress your thighs. He quickly looked down hoping you didnt notice how long he was staring at your body, so hungrily.

"Hey um.. y/n" He said scooting closer to you.

Your breath became heavy and palms began to sweat as you watched him scoot in closer.

"Have you been feeling it too?" his soft deep voice lowering into a erotic whispering tone. "F-feeling what?" You stumble trying to think straight, his eyes were fixated on your lips, he wanted them badly.

"You know.." "The tension?" He slowly rubs your thigh with his huge hands, maneuvering them up your skirt but stopping right before he hit, you know what. You hated that. You nod slowly to his question.

"You told me you never came before?" He questioned, "No.. never." You responded back. He put a stray hair behind your ear, then smoothly rubbed his thumb over your bottom lip.

"Can i be your first?"

You nod needily.

Biting your lip before going in for a deep passionate kiss. He wrapped his hand around your waist , scooting you up onto his lap. His hands adventured up your skirt again , grabbing your ass and slapping it. You gasp at the loud sound it made.

"My parents are home Rodrick!" You whisper yelled pulling away from the kiss.

Rodrick continued kissing your neck and ear, gripping your firm ass cheek, not giving a fuck about what anyone says. Like usual.

"Baby i truly don't give a shit, just keep it down." He sternly said.

"Mmm ok.." You moan and roll your head back as he made out with that sweet spot on your neck.

He roughly pinned you down and kissed you more this time exchanging tongue. He pulled away from the compelling kiss leaving a small train of spit

He pulled your panties off smoothly and stared at the sight to see. "Have you ever been fingered before?" He jokingly teased giving a little lightheart to this hot and spicy situation.

He trailed his hands up and down your wet pussy, looking for that spot.

When he finally got his hands on it you let out a small gaspy squeal, "Its right here?" You nod, breath getting faster.

"Yes daddy right there please~" You cry out, "Daddy?" He smirks, He slowly rubs his fingers around your clit. "Im your daddy now?" Rodrick bites his lip, "Then i guess your my little slut then."

"Are you my little slut?" He asks you, he picks up his pace sending a small tingle down your spine, he giggled mischievously knowing that its gonna be hard for you to respond. You try to catch your breath but moans and shrieks keep cutting your words off.

"Are you my little.. slut?" He slipped in two fingers and fucked your tight hole and worked your g-spot, so much to a point where you had to grasp one of your plushies to keep from screaming. "Alright I guess ill have to make you say yes."

Your eyes roll back as you felt his mouth attach to your clit, swirling his tongue all around your sensitive clit. For the first time you actually wanted to cum..

"I think im gonna-" You bite into a pillow to cover the loud noise you were gonna let out.

Right before you were about to have an intense orgasm, he stopped. Edging you and all your senses. You whined like a little bitch.

"Shut the fuck up." He said unbuckling his pants, "Your gonna take this dick and your gonna like it, alright? alright." He said stroking his rock hard twitching dick before aggressively sliding in.

"My parents- ah-" , " I swear if you mention your parents one more time im gonna throat fuck you." He said in a pissed off tone.

He threw your legs over his shoulders and slid a pillow under you. Rodrick continued to fuck up into you, hitting that one spot again, and again, and again; and just to torture you, he rubbed your clit you were experiencing bliss, euphoria.

Rodrick swiftly took your legs off his shoulder and spread them wide open so he could get a deeper fuck, "stupid slut your legs are trembling." , "You really like me fucking you hard, hitting that spot just perfectly even when your parents are just sitting in their room ; feet away? " ,"Now when i ask this again, i want a response."

"are you my little slut?" He whispered into your ears, you moaned loudly and threw your head back, "Yes!", "Yes daddy, im your slut." ," I want your parents to fucking hear." He looked you deep in the eyes waiting for your response.

"Yes daddy im your slut.." You moaned loudly.

He grasped on your waist and pounded deep into you, the claps of your skin, the loud moans, at that point you forgot you even HAD parents.

He kept fucking into your tight cunt relentlessly, hitting every single spot perfectly. Humanly impossible.

"Cum whore i know you wanna." Rodrick says, you open your mouth but no moans come out.. that was it . You were actually gonna cum... Your legs began to shake and tumble , it felt like a large sneeze but in your stomach. "Im gonna-" You could barely get out.

You released yourself onto his cock, "Fucking hell." He said as he couldn't bare to last any longer. He pulled out of you and came onto your tired cunt.

"Damn baby." He groaned putting his softening dick away. "was it good?" He hopefully said, "It was amazing." You responded back excitedly.

That stupid curse is gone, yay!

Everything was good until you heard loud footsteps seconds away from your door.

~~~~~~~

Authors note:

This is a pretty long story but i actually enjoyed writing these ones, rodrick was my first story on this book (and my most popular) so you know i had to do the mf again🙄 pegging and femboy kink coming soon⚠️

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haiqyu · 4 years

Text

"I've finally found you. "

Kuroo Tetsurou X reader

Soulmate and Reincarnation au! : one gets flashbacks of their past lives when they reach the age of 10

Warning: ancient Chinese history kind of?? angst??? Fluff??? I have no clue

Sorry for the grammar and spelling mistakes! It kinda sucks so-

Edit: Please don't read this- I did this at 1am- im not proud 😭😭

♡♡♡♡

At the age of 9, I've remembered my classmates being so excited to see what kinds of flashbacks they might get. I was no exception. I really wanted to know how my soulmate looks like. Always dreaming about being married to a perfect man and having a perfect life, I was so happy to be reaching the age of 10 soon. Multiple thoughts ran through my small 9 year old brain.

Is his hot? Is he smart? Is he cute? Does he looks cute? Will he love me back? What if something goes wrong?

I sighed as I laid my head on the classroom table. I closed my eyes and continued to day dream about the perfect man that is going to be in my life soon.

♡♡♡♡

Please stop.

Stop.

Please.

I beg of you.

STOP

I woke up from my nightmare. Drenched in sweat, I sat up on my bed and tried to calm my racing heart. I have just reached 10 years old a few hours ago. I've heard from my parents and friends that flashbacks from the past can come in the form of dreams. That was not the sweat dreams that I've expected.

My whole body dirty from being dragged from the ground. My long white gown being drenched with blood, sweat, tears and mud. My legs and hands being bloody from the chains. My torso bloody from being whipped with a thin long stick. My tears ran down my face continuously. I tried to break through the metal chains as I cried for help and forgiveness.

"I didn't do anything wrong! I was framed! Please let me out! I didn't cheat on the emperor! Please... Stop!" I cried out.

My vision blurred from the tears. The metal chains digging into my ankles and wrists. My body being constantly whipped by the stick. Exhaustion ran through my veins. Please stop. I'm tired. It hurts. I beg of you. Stop!

I shut my eyes to stop remembering the flashback but it just continues to run through my eyes. I thought these dreams and flashbacks are suppose to be sweet andthey should give me a hint of who my soul mate will be. Why do I get such horrible and torturous dreams? Why me?

I remembered the pain on my wrists and ankles vividly. It hurts. I didn't care if I was sweaty or not. I curled up on my bed, my forehead resting on knees as I cried myself to sleep. Why me?

♡♡♡♡

I don't want to have a soulmate. I hate it. I hate the feeling. Every day, I had flashbacks and dreams of being tortured. I have enough. My whole body hurts being being tortured even though it's just a flashback.

I was 14 years old. I've always envied my classmates and friends for having such wholesome and cute flashbacks. I've always heard them gushing about their soulmates and their past lives. As they were talking about it, their eyes lit up with happiness and excitement. Some of my schoolmates were lucky as they figured out how their soul mates looked like by the flashbacks. Lucky.

Everytime someone talked about their soulmate, my anger rose. I hated my soulmate. I had enough. Why can't I have nice flashbacks. Why must my flashbacks be about torture and crying? My fist clenched with anger and frustration. I hate this. I was jealous.

I had frequent panic attacks in public due to the stupid flashbacks. I'm embarrassed. Sometimes I feel that my friends and classmates pity me for being like... like that. I don't often speak about my soulmate as Ive literally never seen him in my flashbacks. I hate it. I don't want to have a soulmate anymore.

How do I stop having flashbacks about my soulmate? Do I have to,,, end myself?

♡♡♡♡

I broke out into a cold sweat from a dream again. My heart beat furiously. This is the first time in my 16 years being alive that Ive gotten a sweet and wholesome dream. I'm still in a state of shock. I was expecting to be tortured again in my dreams, as always. However, I dreamt about being in a garden with my soulmate.

Giggling, I smacked his arm playfully. "you're so mean, my king!" I laughed at him.

We were in a flower garden. The place have been decorated with colourful flowered and plants of many species. Butterflies fluttering around the plants and fishes are swimming in the huge pond. Next to the pond was a huge hut. These wooden chairs and tables are crafted out neatly with patterned of flowers and dragons. Having servants around the perimeter to guard us from potential danger, we were sitting together on the huge chair made of the king.

"..., you're so full of shit. Stop teasing me! If you continue teasing me, I'm actually gonna start crying." I smacked his arm once more as he continued to shame me for my height. "Im have an average height, okay. I'm not short! You're just abnormally long!"

"How dare you just insulted the King? I'll put you to the dungeon if you continue to insult me like that," he huffed. "I'm the nicest person in the kingdom."

I rolled my eyes at his comment. "yea but you love me too much to put me into the dungeon. I didn't insult you by the way, I was just speaking the FACTS!" I scoffed.

I took the chance to look at his face, but his face was blurred out. All I notice was his black messy hair that made him look like he just woke up. I reached up to touch his bed hair. I gasped on the inside. "Your hair is so soft. I love it." I smiled and ran my hand through his surprisingly soft hair.

I felt his hands sneak around my waist and he took this chance to pull me even closer to him, if it was possible. "you pull them everytime I ate you out-" He proudly said.

I blushed furiously and tried to cover his mouth to shut him up. "stop!!? Stop!! This is embarrassing! Shhh!!"

He chuckled and I felt my hands being licked. "AHH! STOP! Did you just lick me?? Ew!!!" I wiped my hand on his clothes.

Wait, I didn't notice our clothing. He was wearing some Chinese looking ancient outfit. Ah yes, a 龙袍 (lóng páo: a dragon gown) which had yellow dragon and auspicious patterns embroideries on it. The silk materi made it easier for us to wear in the summer and winter. It kept us cool in the summer and warm the the winter. That so cool. I looked down at myself. I wore loose clothes with long large sleeves. Under the long skirt was a pair of high-heeled clogs with some embroidery on them. There was a scarf wrapped around my arm, which symbolized that I was a noble woman. I ran my hand my my clothed knees. So smooth. For no apparent reason, I felt a sense of nostalgia and my eyes started to water. I felt,,, loved.

My thoughts were interrupted when I felt my hands being grabbed by his rough large hands. I looked up at him with such a loving look on my face. "I love you," I blurted out. I blushed and wondered why did I suddenly say that.

He slowly let go of my hand and gently used that free hand to push my head down on his shoulder. I snuggled closer to him and smelled a faint scent of his cologne. "I love you too, my love." he gave a gentle kiss to my forehead. I really love you, soulmate.

I really enjoyed the dream. I felt like I was 10 again. The daydreams of being loved and touched by my soulmate really made my heart burst with love and happiness. So this is how my friends felt when they have flashbacks. I smiled to myself. I think I don't hate you anymore, soulmate.

I laid back down on my bed. I couldn't sleep. And then I realised that I missed his touch. Just like the chain, I felt his touch on my skin vividly. I craved his love. I want to find him quick. I want to be with him forever. I love him.

I felt my blood rushing towards my face. I covered my face with my hands and rolled around my bed. I was a love sick fool.

♡♡♡♡

I was transferred to Nekoma high school in my second year. I was devastated to move away from my friends in karasuno. I missed the volleyball club. I was their manager for a year and I really enjoyed my time there. They were my true friends. They comforted me when I was having very bad flashbacks and panic attacks. I am going to miss them.

I'm 17 years old and I have a one sided love hate relationship with my soulmate. I continued to have such bad flashbacks most of the time but sometimes I have such wonderful and heart warming flashbacks. I hate him. But I love him too much.

I was looking down at my phone, scrolling through the memes that the volleyball gAnG sent to me on the group chat. I laughed silently and walked past the school gate. I wasn't aware of my surroundings and I bumped into someone tall and hard.

Oh God did I just hit a pole or something?? Why is it so hard??? I looked up and a wave of flashback just went over me.

"you cheated on me. I trusted you. You cheated on me with my trusted buddy!" he screamed at me. His face red from the anger.

My eyes widened from the claim. "excuse me? I didn't! Bokuto was eating so messily and I just wiped my handkerchief onto his mouth to wipe away the rice!" my hands clenched into a fist.

"what the fuck? Then explain why he hugged you on the bridge a few days ago? I had people watching over you two. I should've listened to the concubine. I shouldve trusted what the concubines said. I shouldn't have trusted you, slut." he slapped me across the cheek.

He was strong. I fell of my feet and fell onto the ground, hot tears spilling from my eyes. "I've never cheated on you with him. He caught me from falling into the the pond. Why don't you trust me? I would never cheat on you..." I cried.

"my servant saw you in the room with him two days ago. I knew you two were fucking behind my back. You shouldn't be the queen. You should be executed." he glared at me. He turned his back on me and walked towards the throne. "Officials, strip her off her title. Send her to the dungeon and punish her by whipping. Death by hanging."

"no! Stop! Stop! Im not cheating on you! I love you so much! Stop it! How dare you do this to your soulmate?" I screamed in fear. I would never cheat on him. Please believe me. Please...

The guards come running in, forcefully grabbing my arms and dragging me away. O struggled and tried to twist my arms to escape from them. There was no use. I looked at my soul mate in fear. "help me, Kuroo."

He looked away from me. His expression with hurt written all over his face. He still love me, right?

I was beaten. Whipped. Tortured. My whole body hurts. My eyes felt tired from crying for hours. My lungs sore from the screaming and crying. My body bloodied. I felt light headed. Just kill me already. I want to die. Die. Die. I really want to die. This flashback was worse than any other flash back I had.

Kuroo... Help me... I didn't cheat on you... I love you... Please.... Let me go... I love you... I want to be with you forever... Please stop...

After sunrise, the guards came in. They slapped me awake. "say your last words before you die, bitch." he spat on me.

I couldn't even flinch at his words anymore. I feel so numb. I just want to sleep. I want to go home. I want warmth. I want his warmth. I want Kuroo.

"I,,, didn't cheat on you, kuroo. I was planning our anniversary with Bokuto as a surprise for you. I wanted to have a party...just us... Having fun... I'm really tired. I will miss you, Kuroo. I really love you. But I don't want to be your soulmate anymore. I'm tired. You don't trust me. But I still... Love... You..."

My eyes slowly closed and my muscles all relaxed. Ah I've passed away. How embarrassing. Declaring my love for someone who doesn't even trust me. How pathetic. I hate my soulmate. I hate... Kuroo.

My head hurts. My whole body hurts. My world just spinning around. Tears poured down my eyes. I started hyperventilating. I bumped into someone and started to get a panic attack? My reputation is screwed. I caught a black headed messy hair stranger in front of me. Haha now I'm visioning of my soulmate. What a joke.

"(Y/N)... You're my soulmate...?" when those words come out from his mouth. My eyes snapped open. He is...

The person standing in front of me is the person I hate and I love the most. Kuroo... All those flashbacks come crashing down on me. I'm scared. "stop! Don't come near me! Don't hurt me! I'm sorry! Don't slap me! " I cried out loud, in front of everyone.

He immediately wrapped his arms around me tightly. "stop! (y/n) I won't hurt you! I love you! Please calm down!"

"don't touch me!!" I screamed my lungs out. "you're going to hurt me!"

"no, I won't! (y/n) please trust me!"

"no, stop! I'm scared. You're going to hurt me like the past. I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared."

I pushed him off and stumbled backwards.

"I hate you."

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honestynhedonismthings · 3 years

Text

Hell and Back

I’d already been through the wringer. I suffered from a case of sepsis which I found out later was caused by a cut I’d received while having my new mirena inserted. I was getting a new mirena inserted after earlier in the year falling pregnant with a unviable embryo, meaning it wasn’t implanted in my uterus. I miscarried that pregnancy, it was never viable to begin with but it hurt just as much to lose it. It was later discovered I’d fallen pregnant because the mirena I’d had in at the time was dislodged and actually broken, hence getting it replaced when I found out. The most shocking thing wasn’t even the mirena saga, it’s the fact that after my ectopic pregnancy, I’d spent a lot of time and money on doctors who all told me that it was very unlikely I would ever conceive naturally. The sepsis was caught early because being a medical student, I know to keep my own records, and was able to help my doctors retrace my steps and figure out how what could be causing me to be so sick as it was an unusual type of sick for me. I’ve been through a lot in my life, I know my body and I know when something isn’t right. Fast forward to post recovery and you’re being helpful and nice and its familiar and we fell into old patters and slept together.. more than once.. A mistake really but when emotions are running high, sometimes you lose control. It stops anyway, we stop talking. I’m doing well, I’m being a teenager for the first time in my life and everything is sorta normal. I missed my period. I never miss my period. I took 12 pregnancy tests and threw out my pack of smokes after taking the first one. I was pregnant. Scared shitless and pregnant. You’re the only person I’ve had unprotected sex with. I couldn’t believe it. After the miscarriage, I double checked with the doctors again and they still said I’d never have a viable pregnancy and here I was, pregnant, with my ex boyfriend’s child when we’re both finally moving on. I spent that night at the hospital. Shortly after finding out I was pregnant I began to have pains in my stomach, I assumed it was anxiety and ignored it for a few hours until the pain got worse and I feared this pregnancy was ectopic as the pain was so similar to that of an ectopic pregnancy and having already had surgery for that when I was 16, I wasn’t ready to do that again. After a few hours and tests at the hospital, I was free to go home and Chad bought me dinner and I cried. I instantly knew you wouldn’t believe me. You were always in denial about things that were right in front of you. The biggest being that we weren’t good together, the second being that Chad and I are the same person basically. You were stalking my private Tumblr blog, as you were known to do. That’s how you found out I was pregnant. I’d written a journal entry about the whole thing and you messaged me accusing me of lying and came to my house to confront me. I had evidence waiting though, I knew you. Everything I said had to come with evidence when we were together so I knew I had to be especially prepared this time. You’d already accused me of lying in the previous unviable pregnancy; even after I took a pregnancy test with you right there, even after you followed me to the pregnancy advisory centre and accused me of not having an appointment, records confirm I did. You came to my house and I gave you my ultrasounds, the 12 pregnancy tests, the discharge letter from the hospital and a pregnancy record book signed and dated from my GP, you still thought it was bullshit. I was devastated and done with the conversation. I was strong. Until I got sick. I had hyperemesis which is morning sickness on steroids and I’d had it the entire time I was pregnant. For 8 weeks I couldn’t drink or eat. Every day I would try and take a prenatal vitamin because I hadn’t decided and I wanted to do but I wanted to do what was right until I had, but every single day it would come back up and I would cry at my own body hating me. My own body had been against me from the very beginning and it killed me. During those weeks you would ask me to come with you to McDonalds and you would sit there and tell me it’s over with her and you want to be with me but we can’t have a child right now. You sat there and told me you loved me and we would be together and have a family the right way but I had to get a termination now. I tried so hard to be strong but I always ended up in tears which made me that much more tired. I could barely stay upright as it was. I was so nauseous, every day I thought I’d pass out trying to get to the bathroom. Chad used to come home during his lunch breaks to find me laying feotal position crying in exhaustion because the nausea meant I never slept, anger for you trying to manipulating me, hunger, sadness, but probably worst of all was the the all consuming love I felt for the baby inside me. I’d been told it wasn’t possible. All I’d ever wanted was to be a mum and there were so many obstacles in the way but there she was, innocent in all of this. Perfect. But you didn’t care. She was your obstacle, she was an inconvenience to you and that made you determined to get what you wanted. I most likely would have come to that decision anyway because right now I can’t imagine having a family with anyone else except for Chad, he’s my soul mate. The problem I have is that the decision wasn’t mine. It was a manipulation. I can’t come to terms with what happened because I know I didn’t make that decision for myself. I respect her memory every single day and every single decision I’ve made since has been so one day I’ll be ready for her. That day you took me to the pregnancy advisory centre, I couldn’t fight anymore, I’d given in to your manipulation. I was so tired and sore and hurt, I needed you to take care of me, you’d been in my life for so long and I momentarily forgot everything else, in that moment I just needed you to make it okay. It was only supposed to be an initial consultation. I’d been there before, I knew the drill. I knew in the back of my head I still had a little time for a sign from the universe, something that would tell me it’s okay and I’d be at peace with it because it would have been my decision. But they had a cancelation and of course I’d already been fasting, I hadn’t eaten for weeks. It was happening too fast and you were right there looking so happy that there was no way out. I couldn’t tell you no and that I needed more time. We both know how that would have gone down. All of a sudden there’s a nurse putting an IV in my arm and I’m crying asking for you but you’re not there. I’m all alone. And before I know it, she’s taken from me. Sucked from me with a medical vacuum cleaner like she’s nothing but she was my everything. And I’m awake and I’m still crying for you, I’m yelling at nurses to get you but it’s like they can’t hear me, begging them to bring you here, trying to get up and not being able to feel my legs. Watching people walk past me like nothing happened and I have nothing to be upset about because I came here, you didn’t put a gun to my head. It was a different type of gun and it was pointing at my heart and when she was taken from me I had nothing. Eventually someone brought me out to see you and I can’t believe what I’ve done. I’m crying and you told me you loved me, I didn’t know it would be for the last time. I had no idea just how alone I really was. She was gone, and the next day so were you.

And it’s really only because of Chad that I’ve come out on the other side better than ever. Instead of putting the pieces back together for me, he gave me the time and understanding I needed to put myself back together in a new way and become a better person. Have I made mistakes, fuck yes, but who hasn’t. I can’t regret a single second of it because it’s all what got me to now and I’m the best version of myself right now. I never thought I’d actually make it to 21 and here I am and I actually want to be here. For me.

#mystoryisntoveryet #schizoaffective #disorder #pregnancy #miscarriage #termination #domesticviolencesurvivor #recovery

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hanjislabig · 4 years

Text

Hanji's Past

"Isn’t it worth trying?"

————-

(Thats an extract from a story me and my friend write. An evening with Levi and Hanji, eating crackers, drinking red wine and talking about old wounds.)

Hanji looks at Levi with loving eyes. "Offer up your beating hearts... that’s a really serious promise... at least that’s what my mother always said." She takes another cracker and slips it into her mouth, while relaxing on the bed again.

Her last sentence makes Levi sit up. "You've actually never told me much about your parents, how comes?"

"There’s nothing special I could tell you,” she answers his question and shrugs casually. “But what do you mean, I already did tell you some things.”

"Right, you did", Levi says. He has noticed her unusual reaction to his question immediately. "But only a few things from your childhood. I mean - what else? Are they still alive, are you still in contact with them, do they know about me, whatever."

Hanji remains silent for a moment. She often talks about her parents casually, but rather with the intention to displace the latest happenings. The ones that she’d rather ban out of her mind completely. Now she gets confronted with everything again, she doesn’t hate to talk about what happened, but she’s definitely not keen to tell it everyone.

Hanji takes a deep sigh before she changes her position and sits up, pulling her legs against her body and wrapping her arms around them. "You really wanna know? I mean you don’t have to ask out of politeness.“

Levi changes his own position a little bit. "Sound like there's something that's not easy to talk about", he says. "So I only wanna know if you wanna tell me."

Hanji sighs again but nods then. She props her chin on her knees and starts thinking where to begin.

"So, my father was a scout in survey corps. He always used to be away for long periods of time, when they went on expeditions. Besides he always needed to leave for Trost to work. In his free time though when he was at home, he did a lot of stuff with chemistry and architecture. I loved to read in his books and rummage in his stuff,“

Hanji chuckles lightly at the memory.

"Altough i didn’t understand anything of these academic textes. You know I just wanted to seem as smart as did. So I assume his interests somehow woke the interest in me too.“

She sighs.

“My moms a botanist. Sometimes she also cared for the kids in our neighborhood. We also had this huge lively garden where I spent a lot of my childhood in. She planted her flowers everywhere, it was beautiful, especially in spring when everything bloomed. Sometimes I simply sat the whole day in the grass, watching the insects flying around and doing their tasks, listening to the birds... I loved the nature, I remember that.“

From one moment to another Hanji gets more serious again and it seems like she came back to reality.

"When I was 12 years old, my father died,” she continues with a voice that doesn’t reveal much, “he was one of the deceased of an expedition. My mother and I didn’t know much about titans back then, no one has ever seen one, they were only known through stories. When I was a child... we didnt have these wall problems yet,” Hanji stares down on her feet, lost in her thoughts.

“We got the message over a letter from the commander. That my father died in war against the so called titans.”

Hanjis eyes narrow, almost not noticeable while she speaks about the titans. Even if it’s only for a short moment, it seems like her attitude towards these monster changes.

"Before that happened I never considered joining the sure corps. I didn’t even think about it. It was nothing more than the job my father had. But after I got to know he got killed by titans...“ she falters, "... I think that could’ve been the trigger for my Titan obsession. But not exactly like I see them now, no... I wanted retribution, revenge, justice for what happened to my father. I got obsessed with titans because of all the hate I carried in myself. So I guess that was the moment when i realized I want to avenge my father and I decided from one day to another that I’ll do the same job as he did. I wanted to kill all of these titans everyone was talking about and afraid of."

Hanji swallows with a dry throat and takes a brief break.

"Like I said, I was twelve years old at this point. My father passed away only a few months before the recruitment for the next legion started. I was completely convinced that becoming a soldier would be my destination so I... I let myself get registered that day... but without telling my mom...“

Hanji lowers her eyes and gazes at her hands, a feeling of guilt coming over her.

“This lead us to heaving the worst fight ever. It was... something worse ive ever experienced in my entire life before at this point,” Hanji can’t help but pulling a slightly pained face as the memories flash her, “I told my mother that I was joining the corps. And she said no. And I said yes. My mother...I realize it now... she was so concerned and frightened. If I just imagine this... her only daughter wants to do the exact same job that got her husband killed only a few months ago."

Hanji presses her lips together.

“She didn’t want me to go... but I didn’t listen. I didn’t care, I thought she’d be too selfish to let me go... how could I-... I was too young to understand how the love of a mother works..."

Silence again.

"I packed my few necessary things and left my mother behind. I was so furious, you can’t imagine. Full of blind anger and a raging, ambitious heart. I can-... still see her face... this expression in her eyes when I-... when I left without turning around a single time...”

Hanji slowly shakes her head in disbelief and breathes out shivering.

“That was the last time I saw my mother. I’ve never seen her again since then.” She has to look away from Levi, her facial expression tormented and hurt as she remembers what happened back then.

Levi listens to her the whole time without saying a word, just focusing on her story. When she talks about her life back then he feels a little pain in his chest. It sounds more than beautiful. So beautiful he's having a hard time even imagining it.

He finds it hard to believe such a happy childhood is even possible. But then he learns how that happiness ended. It's just a story like all the others, nothing they haven't heard a hundred times before. And still it's not. Because it's her story. Her pain, her motivation, her reason to choose the path she chose, the cross she has to bear every day.

There's this picture inside his head, a twelve-year-old Hanji, fuelled by sorrow and hatred, trying to turn that pain into power. This part of the story seems much more familiar and Levi thinks to himself that at least she had something to focus her anger on. In his own story there was no bad guy, no-one who had ruined his life and still it was ruined. So he turned his hatred against the whole world, but the whole world is a bad enemy.

Levi continues listening and it doesn't get better. He feels sympathy for Hanji's mother, what her daughter did to her wasn't fair. But still he doesn't blame Hanji. She was young, passionate, furious, had a goal. If she was anything like she's now that made her unstoppable. But back then she didn't have the far-sightedness to realise how what she was doing affected the person who cared about her most. Sometimes she still doesn't.

Hanji's wish to join the survey corps is just as understandable as her mother's for her to stay. It was a tragic situation with no possible outcome that would have been good for everyone. Still Hanji should have handled it differently. She knows that and this knowledge tears her apart. This is why Levi forgives her immediately. He's as sure that her mother would forgive her as well as he's sure Hanji won't ever. Maybe that's why she suffers from guilt issues whenever something happens to the people and creatures around her.

For almost two decades she's lived with the knowledge that it was her who has caused a person close to her pain and she never wants that to happen again. But whenever something similar happens she thinks it's her fault automatically. The fact that she hasn't found the courage to see her mother again since surely makes it worse. Hanji probably thinks she's a coward, which doesn't exactly help her build self-esteem. Levi moves a bit closer to her and starts massaging her neck soothingly.

"Thanks for telling me this", he says after remaining silent for a while. "What happened between you and your mother is really bad", he begins carefully.

"But you know that you did her wrong and that's the first step in the right direction. You didn't mean to hurt her back then, you just did what we all have to do at some point, you chose how to live your life. She shouldn't have tried to stop you, that's probably what she's telling herself every day, but she was worried. And you shouldn't have left without talking to her about it, but you were a young girl who had just lost her father and got it all wrong. It's awful how it ended..."

Levi stops for a moment and his voice changes.

"...but it didn't end. You're alive, she's alive, thank whoever you want to thank for that. So many of our next of kin are dead, there's no way we can sort anything out or be united with them in this life again. You've got that chance so many of us dream about. Take it."

He gives Hanji an encouraging nudge.

"You've forgiven her and you love her, there's a high chance she's forgiven you as well and I'm a hundred percent sure she loves you. So what are you waiting for? You love each other, you miss each other. You've both made mistakes but we all do. If there's any way you can talk things out and become a family again, isn't it worth trying?"

#attack on titan #levihan headcanon #levihan #angst #hanji zoe #levi ackerman

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calumance · 4 years

Text

LA Devotee - Part IV

Warnings: I literally can’t write without cussing, that’s about it

Word Count: 3k

Summary: Emily’s best friend finally finds out the secret she’s been keeping, but now has to deal with a bigger issue.

A/N: Here’s Part four my lovely little berries. Feed back and requests are always welcomed!!

Part I | Part II | Part III

Being so concentrated on my work, I had no idea how much time had gone by, not until my phone dinged, and I realized the sun was starting to go down. My fingers wrapped around my phone while my eyes glanced at Calum, still sound asleep on my couch. A small smile pulled at my lips, which quickly faded when I saw Mikayla’s “We’re on our way over!” message. Oh fuck. I set my phone down and walked over to Calum. It’s not that I didn’t want her to meet him, it was more of the fact that I literally lied to her last night, and also, she’s a handful if we’re speaking truths now. I placed my hand on Calum’s arm and shook him enough to stir him awake. “Hey,” I said drawn out, a smile stretching across my face. “I forgot that I had made some dinner plans with my friend. She and her boyfriend are coming over.” Calum started to sit up, “I’m not saying you need to leave, you can stay if you absolutely want to, but she is literally a ball of energy, and if you’re not ready for that, then you can either leave, or you can go sleep in my bedroom or something?” Please go sleep in my bed, please go sleep in my bed.

Calum ran his hands through his hair and smiled. “I’d love to meet your ball of energy friend.” Fuck. “Do you mind if I clean up a little?” I nodded reluctantly and stood up, my knees cracking on the way up. A disappointing side effect of getting older. He followed me down the hall and I pointed to the bathroom. “Thanks, mind if I shower?”

“Uh,” I looked in the bathroom and pulled a towel off the linen rack and handed it to him. “I don’t mind, but I don’t have any men’s soap or anything. You can use mine, but it’s all floral and fruity scented.”

He smiled while taking the towel from my hands, “I don’t mind. Thank you.” As he closed the bathroom door, I walked the rest of the way down the hallway to my bedroom and pulled on some jeans and a black tank top, pretending like I hadn’t sat in my pajamas all day long. Right as I walked past the front door, there was a quiet knock. My feet stopped, and I took a deep breath before opening the door. Mikayla was standing there, a huge smile stretched across her face, Trevor standing behind her holding grocery bags. “We stopped and got something to make since you have a really bad habit of just ordering pizza or Chinese food.” I opened the door further letting Mikayla and Trevor into my apartment. Trevor walked past me into the kitchen and set the bags on the counter. Just as Mikayla was about to say something, the shower shut off and Mikayla leaned back looking down the hallway, “I’m sorry, is there someone in your shower?” She looked at me, and I knew she just caught me in my lie.

“Uh,” I looked down the hallway trying to think of something coy to say. Coming up with nothing, I pursed my lips and slid my hands into my back pocket. “Yeah.” Mikayla looked at me a large smile pressing across her face in that “I fucking knew it” way. Before Mikayla could actually vocalize that, Calum came out of the bathroom, fully dressed, just running the towel over his wet hair.

He smiled and threw the towel into the bathroom and started walking towards us. Mikayla’s smile completely disappeared when she saw who was in my bathroom. Without taking her eyes off him, she whispered, “Emily, what is Calum Hood doing in your apartment?”

I smiled at the fact that she is having the same realization I had the other night. “Uh, he’s the one who gave me a ride home from the club the other night. We’re friends now, and he came by this morning after he was done in the studio.”

She grabbed my arm and harshly turned me so our backs were toward Calum. “Emily, tell me the truth, did you sleep with him?” I shook my head, “You’re serious?” The serious look on her face made her eyebrows raise and her lips pull down into a frown. “Well, you have way more self-control than I do. Okay, I’m not mad at you for lying to me last night, only because of who it is.” She turned us back around just as Calum took his last step, “Hi, I already know who you are, but I’m Mikayla and this is my boyfriend, Trevor.” Mikayla grabbed Trevor’s arm and pulled him closer to him. Trevor lifted an arm then Mikayla pushed him, forcing him to return to what he was doing in the kitchen. Sometimes I felt bad for Trevor, never got much of a chance to really speak.

Mikayla joined Trevor in the kitchen and Calum stood next to me, “You’re right, she is a ball of energy.”

Keeping my hands in my back pockets, I shrugged, “Yeah, but sometimes it’s what you need when you’re definitely not a ball of energy.” Calum didn’t say anything to that, just nodded and shrugged in agreement. We joined the other two in the kitchen and helped cook the meal. The table was full of laughter and drinks as we all sat at my little table. I even think Trevor cracked a joke or two. In the time I had been dwelling in my own pain, I had forgotten how good it felt to laugh, and to enjoy the company of other people. I looked across the table at Calum who was laughing, causing the wrinkles on the side of his eyes to show. Why was it that when he walked into my life, a cloud cleared? What was it about him that made the sun shine again?

Mikayla and Trevor left leaving Calum and I alone in my apartment. He was sitting on my couch, drinking a beer and watching something on TV. I sat of the opposite end of the couch from him and pulled my knees to my chest. “Thanks for staying and putting up with my friend.”

After the bottle left his lips, he nodded. “I had a good time, she’s not that bad. Definitely more energetic than I ever was or ever will be.” He said after swallowing his drink. He looked over at me and smiled before directing his attention back to the tv.

I kept my eyes on him, his right ankle resting on the top of his left knee. His right hand held onto his beer bottle which was resting on his right knee. His left arm stretched across the back of my couch, making me want to crawl into the side of his body. My thoughts were racing, wanting to tell him everything that he’s been wanting to know, he’s been so patient with me. Never pushing me to tell him about myself. As much as I wanted to spill my whole life to him, I kept my head level and told him a couple fun facts about me, “My favorite color is a deep red like the color of the lipstick I was wearing at the club, I graduated college with a bachelor’s degree in English, and I absolutely hate mushrooms.”

Calum looked at me, eyebrows pulled in such a way that he was concerned but interested at the same time. “Okay.” He finished his beer with one drink and stood up. “I’m going to head home, thanks for letting me come over.” His hand brushed over my arm as he stepped past me.

I struggled to stand up in my scramble to get over to him. “You don’t have to leave; would you stay if I told you more about myself?”

He pushed his bottom lip out into a pout, but the corners of his lips turned up, “No, I just think it’s time for me to head home. Duke needs to be fed and let outside.” He tossed his bottle into the trash and grabbed his keys from the table by the door. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” With that he opened the door and left.

Something in my stomach burned, like I had done something to upset him. I wanted to run after him, but my heart told me not to. I flopped back onto my couch and pulled my legs up towards my chest. My mind raced, and I grabbed my phone. My nails tapped against the screen as I thought about texting him, but I didn’t. Instead I went to Instagram and searched his name. My heart fluttered at all of the pictures of him, and I couldn’t help but smile. He put on this tough guy exterior in photoshoots, but in reality, he’s this big softy. I saved one of the pictures and set it as his contact photo. Feeling defeated still, I slowly got off the couch and made my way to my bedroom, calling it a night.

Sleep didn’t happen, I spent the entire night staring at the ceiling, with quick bursts of thirty-minute naps here and there. When my alarm went off, I pressed my palms against my eyes and groaned. With a large amount of hesitation, I got out of bed and started my normal daily routine. With my hair pulled into a messy bun, and my coffee ready to make the trek to work with me, I pulled my work flats onto my feet and my blazer over my shoulders and headed out my door, making sure it locked behind me.

When I got to the office, the only person to greet me was Mikayla, which was how it usually went when I walked into the office. We walked together to our desks, hers across from mine. I put my head into my hands and sighed, “I didn’t sleep for shit last night, Mikayla. I don’t know if I upset him or what, but I told him some ‘fun facts’ about myself and he just said ‘okay’ and then decided to leave.” I dropped my hands onto my keyboard, making my computer screen come to life.

Mikayla was typing away but looked at me over the top of her computer screen, “Emily, he likes you, I can tell by the way he was looking at you last night, but he’s a gentleman, so he’s not going to push his feelings on you.” She shrugged and looked back at her computer screen, “He probably just wants to know more about you, but you’re such a tightly closed book.” She continued to type, but then stopped to move her chair so she could see me completely. “You shouldn’t lose sleep over it though. Like, for the first year Trevor and I were together, I had no idea what he actually wanted out of our relationship. It took a while, but we did end up finally spilling everything to each other and it turned out he was just as nervous about our relationship as I was.” Mikayla shrugged and moved back in front of her screen. “Just give it time, you met him three days ago.”

She was right, it’s been three days, why was my mind so wrapped around him? I put the work I had finished at home on my desk and started my work day. When lunch time finally came, I locked my computer and grabbed my bag to head to the lobby of the building to get the same lunch I get every day. Just as I started to walk next to Mikayla, my phone started to ring. Calum’s face showed up, “It’s him, should I answer it?” Mikayla insisted that I should, but by the time I decided I would, it ended, sending him to my voicemail. We made it to the lobby and got in line at the café before the notification of a voicemail appeared on my phone.

I sat across from Mikayla and looked at my phone, a bit afraid of what he had to say. Mikayla told me to listen to it. Reluctantly, I tapped the play symbol and put the speaker to my ear. “Hey, it’s Calum. I wanted to apologize for leaving the way I did last night. I’m not exactly sure what came over me. Uh, anyway, I think you’re crazy for not liking mushrooms, and red looks good on you, so I’m glad that it’s your favorite color. You’re probably at work, because it’s Monday, but I was really hoping to catch you. I wanted to ask you over to my place for dinner sometime this week. Uh, yeah, call me back. Bye.” I blinked a few times still hovering over the fact that he told me I looked good.

“What did he say?” Mikayla said, mouth full of food.

“He apologized for leaving the way he did, and then told me that my red lipstick looked really good the other night?” It was a question, because I still wasn’t sure I actually heard him say that. “He also wants me to go to his house for dinner sometime this week. Should I go?” I put my phone down and grabbed my fork, stabbing at my salad to pick up the lettuce.

Mikayla’s eyes widened, as if it were stupid to even ask that question. “Well of course you should go, I think you’d be crazy not to. You should call him back, I’ll help you through the conversation.”

I shook my head and took the bite of my food. “I’ll call him back after work.” I chewed my bite and looked at Mikayla. “You don’t think he’s like asking me on a date or anything, do you?” Mikayla nodded furiously, then told me the past two times Calum and I hung out were most definitely dates. “I don’t know if I’m ready to date, Mikayla. My life was literally ripped apart by the last person I was with.”

She swallowed her bite, “Yeah, but from what you’ve told me about your ex, he was a piece of shit. What makes you think that’s going to happen again?”

I stabbed the salad in front of me aimlessly. “Trauma, that’s what makes me think it’s going to happen again.” Mikayla sighs, and I sigh after she does. “Maybe it’s not that I think it’s going to happen again, but maybe I’m afraid he’s going to find out I’m divorced and think differently of me? Like he’s going to think I’m not worth his time, because maybe I am worth his time, I was just married to a shitty person.” I stared at my salad as if it was giving me all the answers to the questions of life.

“Maybe that’s what you tell him.” My eyes snapped up towards Mikayla. “Tell him that you married a shitty person and had to get out of it, resulting in a pretty shitty divorce.” She shrugged holding onto her sandwich then took another giant bite, a glob of mayonnaise falling onto the plate. I continued to wonder how he’d react if he found out that I was a divorcee.

The work day ended and, on my walk home, I thought about calling Calum. My fingers grazed over his name a few times, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, not yet. I looked out into the street and squinted at the soon-to-be setting sun. Once I was inside my apartment, I set my bag on the table and opened the fridge to grab a drink. In a fluid motion, I opened the drink, threw the cap onto the counter and walked to the sliding door out onto my balcony. The lawn chair on my balcony squeaked as I sat in it, proving how unsturdy it actually is. My throat felt dry as the first drink ran down my throat.

The only sound I could hear as I sat there was the sound of the traffic on the street below me. A breeze blew across my face and I looked down at my phone that I was spinning in my hand. I wanted to call Calum, but I was afraid; of what I wasn’t sure. I washed my drink down as liquid courage and tapped his name, putting my phone to my ear. He answered, and my throat felt tight. “Hey, I got your message, sorry I didn’t call back earlier.”

He cleared his throat and I could hear a door shutting. “That’s okay, I’m just glad you got it.” He cleared his throat again and I ran my thumb and my pointer finger across my forehead.

Why were we so awkward with each other? Was there that much tension between us? I let out a breath, moving the phone out of the way so he didn’t hear me. After fighting with myself to find the courage, I put the phone to my ear again, “What day did you want me to come over?”

“Is Friday okay?” There was a difference in his voice, I could hear that he was smiling. It made me think about the wrinkles that appear by his eyes when he smiles a real smile. Thinking about him smiling like that caused the butterflies in my stomach to flutter.

I cleared my throat this time, breaking the nervousness out of my throat. “Yeah that sounds great.” Calum started to say his goodbye, but I stopped him, “Wait, Calum,” he paused, “When I was twelve, I fell down the stairs and chipped my front tooth. I’ve gotten it fixed, but about three years ago, the seal they had put on fell off, so instead of sealing it again, they just rounded my tooth to make the chip less noticeable, so one of my front teeth is shorter than the other one.”

He chuckled, “You can’t even tell. Goodnight, Emily. I’ll see you on Friday.”

I smiled, hearing his soft chuckle on the other end of the phone, “Good night, Calum.” After hanging up, I went back inside and found myself in my bedroom. I threw myself on my bed and hugged my phone to my chest. Friday couldn’t come fast enough.

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