#edit 2 to everyone trying to guess what the character i made this for was. youre all wrong. this was about kamen rider | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 1 month

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Follow You Anywhere 4

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, controlling behavoiour, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You’re online existence threatens to leak into your real life.

Characters: Captain Syverson

Note: back again.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Asking for more or putting 'part 2?' is not feedback.

Love you all. You are appreciated and your are worthy. Treat yourself with care. 💖

You sit at the dining table with your laptop, hiding behind the screen as you try to figure out what to do. How do you get this man to leave? Better, how do you do that without making him angry?

You stare at the unfinished project in front of you. You're not going to get paid for blurry pixels. Work is the least of your worries.

You peek over the top of the laptop and blanch as the subtle movement catches his eye. He grins and sits up, “need something, sweetie?”

“Uh, nope,” you put your eyes down and the screen goes fuzzy.

“Hm,” he hums into a grunt and heaves himself up, “you haven’t made any videos yet. What about your shopping trip huh? You gonna edit some of that.”

“Erm, maybe later, I have work stuff–”

“You know,” he nears and stands across the round table, looming menacingly with his hands on his hips, “you could probably quit all that if you committed to your streams. Lotsa people wanna watch a sweet girl like you.”

“That’s nice but I don’t even have ten followers,” you chuckle.

“Mm, maybe, but… I could help you,” he offers.

“Really, it’s fine,” your voice trembles, “it’s… it’s just a way to get my thoughts out, that's all.”

He clucks and clears his throat, looking around, “well, I guess I’ll go get my stuff.”

“Um, sure,” you look at him again then peek at the keys hung by the door.

He whistles, “Aika, come, you probably needa go.”

The dog rises from beside the couch and follows him to the door. You get up, heart flipping. You need to just lock the door. As long as he doesn’t–

He grabs the keys and shoves them deep in his pocket. He hooks the leash onto Aika’s collar as she stands obediently before him. He grins over at you, “don’t worry, sweetie, won’t be long at all.”

He turns and unlocks the door, swinging it inward as he lets the German shepherd lead the way. You deflate and fall back onto the chair. Holy shoot! What are you going to do? Nothing you can think of makes sense. He doesn’t make sense. It’s as if he really believes you know each other. That this is his home.

You bend over your lap and hold your head, rocking as you let out a drone. The panic is so bad you can’t hold it in. The noise escaping you is inhuman. You know you’re too weak, too afraid to do anything. So what? You’ll just let him take over your home?

You quiet and stay as you are, hunched over your legs. Are you going to let him do whatever he wants? To you?

Your blood runs cold and you sit up slowly. You’re dizzy as the silence rings in your ears. You stare across the room, only able to see a glimpse of the door frame.

You don’t know what you’re going to do.

You’re paralysed. You hardly believe it yourself, you don’t think anyone else will either. The thought of explaining it is embarrassing on its own.

You’re being stupid. You need to tell someone. Anyone.

You hear him before he enters. He opens the door, pausing as he lets Aika off the leash. She sniffs around as the door shuts heavily.

Sy appears, a large bag of kibble balanced on one shoulder as he carries a military duffle in his other hand. He drops the latter and brings the former into the kitchen. You stand, hollow as you make yourself move. You go to the doorway to the kitchen and watch him search your cupboards.

“Ladybird needs a bowl,” he says, “she’s hungry.”

“Oh,” you utter dumbly and blink. You’re stuck where you are.

His cheek dimples and he returns his attention to his search. He takes out the pink plastic bowl you use for salad and he uses a measuring cup to scoop out the kibble. You just watch as he puts it on the floor for Aika as she sits patiently.

He stands and she does too, eagerly scarfing down the food, flicking slobber all over your salad bowl. Sy faces you and you flinch as he comes near, reaching for you. You back away.

“Sweetie?” He says, “what’re you doing?”

“I… I…” you rub your arm, “how long are you planning on… staying?”

He scoffs, “what? Ah, come on, sweetie, you’re funny. “

“I’m… I’m serious,” you quaver, “I didn’t… we just met.”

His face falls and so does your heart. His expression turns dire and he crosses his arms. Aika seems to notice his shift and quits her loud chomping. She raises her nose, letting out a low growl. You gulp. He has that same glint in his eye as in the truck when he nearly rear-ended that other driver.

“Sweetie, I told you, I've been watching you all this time. You know, I was your first follower,” he takes a step closer and you take one back. “I know you.”

“Right, uh,” you push your hands together and bend your fingers back, “I understand, it’s just…” you can hardly breathe, “I guess I misunderstood. Of course you can stay, but… you know, I only bought enough groceries for me and… and it’s a small place.”

He considers you. He runs his hand over his beard and exhales loudly. He drops his other arm and tilts his head side to side, cracking the bones, “so we can get nice and snuggly, sweetheart.”

He nears you again, quickly, before you can elude him. He catches you around the back of the head and urges you close. He leans in and kisses your hairline. You freeze and let him. He purrs before he draws away.

“Right, I’ll get cleaned up,” he lets you go, “you can finish your work or… get cozy.”

You nod and stare past him. Aika once more chews loudly as your eyes settle on her straight back. You’re trapped. Your home is now a prison.

You stay like that until you hear the pipes whine and the shower buzzes to life. You glance over, the bathroom door slightly ajar. Mortified, you retreat to the table and sit behind the computer. You know the excuse won’t hold up much longer but you can at least pretend to be busy.

Aika’s claws tap on the tile as you hear her lay near the door. You can’t even run. His loyal guard dog isn’t just keeping people out, she’s keeping you in.

You put your hands on the laptop as you hear the faucet crank off. The scented steam seeps out and dampens the air with the scent of your strawberries and cream soap. You shudder and minimize and maximize the window.

You listen to him. He opens and closes the cabinet several times as he lingers in the bathroom. The door opens and your ears tinge as you focus on the laptop. He steps out as you swirl your fingers on the touch pad.

“I feel better,” he sighs, “how about you, sweetie? Maybe you should have a nice long bath?”

“I’m good,” you utter dully.

“Hope you don’t mind, I used your hairbrush,” he crosses the room.

“No, it’s f–” your eyes flick up on instinct. You swallow as your eyes round. He has only a towel around his waist, the rest of him brazenly bare. “Fine.”

You rip your gaze away and accidentally exit out of the editing software. You try to wipe the image of him from your mind. His thick muscles, the dark hair across his chest and stomach, and over his thick thighs. There’s little left to the imagination or doubt. The sight of him confirms his unbeatable strength.

“What’s wrong?” He asks.

“N-nothing,” you insist.

“You’re being all shy. What’s going on, huh?” You shake your head as he comes around the table. He presses the laptop shut until you retract your hands. You sit back and look at your hands. “You’ve been working long enough. Come on, sweetie.”

“I… I have a project to finish–”

“And that’s more important? How long have I waited to be with you? Over there in the sh– in the chaos?” He says, offering his large hand, “I got you something. I wanna show it to you.”

“I…” you rasp and peer up at his face, too afraid to look anywhere else. “Okay.”

You give in. Your surrender. He’s a soldier and he’s won the battle. You take his hand and stand up.

He takes you into the front room and leads you to the couch. He stops you in front of it and gestures you to wait. You do and he disappears around the other side of you.

He returns with his duffle bag and puts it in the chair. He keeps his back to you as he unzips it. You peek up and your eyes cling to the scars along his burly back. Just beneath his shoulder and another along his side. Through the fear, you feel a pang of sympathy for him. He must have been through a lot.

“I bought you something,” he says, “when I was driving up.”

He turns and shows you a dainty piece of fabric hanging from his index fingers. You gape at the pale pink bodysuit; flowers in a darker shade trim the corset and the tops of the cups are subtly scalloped. You love the colours but you would never dare to wear anything like that.

“Uh, wow,” is all you can get out.

“Just you know for a special occasion,” he smiles, “it’ll look real nice on you. It’s your colour.” He steps closer as he holds it out to you, “I showed the lady your picture and she said it would be nice on your skin tone.”

You feel like you’re going to faint. Is he really giving you a piece of lingerie? You take it and examine the thin material.

“Obviously, not tonight since we’re settling in and all that,” he chuckles, “but you know… if you wanted to…”

“I’m… I’m going to put this away,” you croak.

You move past him, slowly as if wading through water. You go to the bedroom and cross to the dresser. You stand before it as you stare at the fabric. Your chest aches as you hold a breath inside.

“Ah, still pretty tidy in here,” Sy comments from behind you.

You pull open the top drawer and hide the bodysuit. A shiver rolls through you as you shut it and turn to the intruder. You watch helplessly as he invades every inch of your life.

“You did such a good job, sweetie,” he praises as he nears the bed and plops his bag on it, “watching you clean… it’s admirable how determined you are.”

He reaches in his bag and takes out a stack of folded clothing. You blink as he strides over to the dresser and pulls open a drawer. You sway as you resist the urge to ask what the heck he’s doing. He makes room beside your clothes and shoves his inside.

As he stands, he adjusts the towel hanging lower on his waist than before. You turn away. As much as you don’t like him touching all your things, his nakedness is even more off putting. Most disturbing is his lack of self-awareness. Frankly, it’s frightening.

He unpacks, bit by bit, and rolls open the closet to put his empty bag inside. He goes back to the dresser to shut the top drawer he left open but his hand curls around the top. He dips inside and lifts out a pair of your panties; the ones speckled with printed on bows.

“I like these,” he says, “they’re cute, like you.”

“Thanks, I…” you murmur. “I…” Your mouth is dry and chalky, “I need some water.”

“Aw, sweetie, you look faint,” he drops the panties and approaches you. “Why don’t you sit down?”

He urges you onto the edge of the bed, his hands on your shoulders. He looks down on you as you tilt your head to peer back at him. He looks so big. He keeps his hands on you, gripping tighter, and for a moment, you’re not sure what he’s going to do and you think he is even less certain.

He pulls his hands away and shakes them out, “I’ll get you some water,” he says, “you had a long day, huh?”

“Mhm,” you hum and lower your chin, your hands shaking in your lap.

You did this. You welcomed this man in. More than letting him drive you home or cross the threshold of your apartment, you put yourself online, exposed yourself to the public. You heard the horror stories before, the true ones, but you just never thought it would happen to you.

#captain syverson #dark captain syverson #dark!captain syverson #captain syverson x reader #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #series #sandcastle #follow you anywhere

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a-bit-of-a-queer-one · 5 months

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I loved Wild Blue Yonder, I thought it was a great episode. But if I see one more person proclaiming that the Doctor saying Isaac Newton was "hot" made the character "finally queer", I'm gonna set fire to sth.

For one thing, since they changed into a woman, the Doctor has, depending on one's definition, been canonically genderfluid/trans/nonbinary/genderqueer. That was made even more explicit last week in Star Beast. So saying that the Doctor as played by a man and using he/him pronouns calling a man "hot" somehow made the character queer is stupid in and of itself.

And secondly, the Doctor has long been regarded as aro and ace-coded by people of those communities and guess what? Aro and ace people really do exist and we are queer. And it would be lovely if other queer people could stop excluding us by saying that characters who provide what little, mostly accidental and incidental representation we get "become queer" by expressing same-sex attraction. It happened with Good Omens and it seems to be happening again with Doctor Who and I am so fucking tired of it

Edit (6th Dec 2023): Several people have pointed out in the notes that there have been quite a few instances of the Doctor ambiguously or indeed unambiguously expressing 'same-sex' attraction and exploring their gender identity/identities in the past, both in the show and in extended media. I just wanted to be absolutely clear on the fact that I was in way trying to diminish the importance of those moments by emphasing the aspect of asexuality and aromanticism in my post. That is not to say that I think anyone was implying that I was doing that, in fact everyone's been lovely (which is why I also wanted to thank everyone for their input, I learnt a lot, especially about the novels!!)

Of course, as an asexual, aromantic and agender/nonbinary person, that is the lens through which I watch the show and relate to the character of the Doctor. This does not make my reading of them any more or less valid than anyone else's. In fact, I absolutely love the fact that the Doctor is a character who speaks to people of so many different queer identities and I am so happy that RTD is exploring their queerness more explicitly, building on what he and so many other writers and also the actors have already established. I just hope that the fandom will respect the aro and ace aspects of the Doctor's queerness the same way they do their gender identities and other sexual and romantic orientations. Part of the reason I was initially quite worried about this was because of my experiences in the Good Omens fandom, particularly post series 2, as indicated in my original post. The other is that I doubt the show will explore the aro and ace aspects of the character as much as they may other queer identities - unfortunately aspecs have a history of being left behind in this regard...

But we will see, maybe I'll be proved wrong! For the time being, I just hope the queer community can celebrate all the different facets of the Doctor's undeniable queerness, including the aspec ones. And as the reactions to this post have been overwhelmingly supportive (I don't think I've seen a single outright negative response), I think this hope is far from unfounded.

(Sorry, this edit turned out to be longer than the original post...)

#doctor who #dw spoilers #doctor who spoilers #wild blue yonder #asexuality #aromanticism #asexual #aromantic #acespec #arospec

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iraprince · 11 months

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I love the entire concept of Cookie... the look, the fashion, the gender... Would you mind telling us a little more about him? I'm also intrigued about why she's named Cooking with Gorgeous!

HI i would LOVE to talk about george thank you so much. also this makes me realize i've never actually sat down and just made a post unabashedly infodumping at length abt an oc before and it seems silly that i haven't. i ask only for all dear readers to please temper their expectations for this post with the knowledge that i just smoked half a joint before sitting down to answer it. a small one. but still. anyway

FIRST OF ALL FOR THE UNACQUAINTED THIS IS COOKING WITH GORGEOUS, aka cookie or george for short. he uses he/him and she/her pronouns interchangeably!

hi sorry that's not cookie that's a horse in a bridal veil that i. found in my stuff while trying to scroll and find my cookie art. i just got distracted and had to show you. okay no for real here's cookie

he's the character i'm playing in a playtest campaign of the absolutely mesmerizing sapphicworld, an in-development ttrpg!!! and if i'm going to be talking about cookie i feel like i HAVE to say i think a huge amount of her charm and dazzle and charisma comes directly from the charm and dazzle and charisma of the setting i created her for. i know i am laying it on really thick right now but that is on purpose. i want, desperately and unashamedly, for this game to get really popular bc 1. it's genuinely that good. and it's not even DONE yet and 2. i want everyone to get into it so that everyone will make sapphicworld characters and then i'll get to see everyone's sapphicworld characters.

EDIT i'm scrolling back up here and adding a readmore bc this is already getting so long lol. you asked for "a little more" and apparently i have graciously decided this means "literally every fact about cookie that exists in my brain"

SO a lot of the info/tidbits i haven't shared about cookie are i guess gameplay-specific stuff... his title (which is like a class/playbook) is "The Noble Sweetheart," though in sapphicworld "nobility" no longer has anything to do with wealth or class, and is instead entirely about amassing a court purely via devotion/popularity; her subculture (which is like, Who You Hang Out With; drifters, goths, poets, debauchers, cowpokes, etc) is Babe; and her kind (which is like ancestries but in sapphicworld is really just like, a physical form, which u can change more or less at will) is Lunarthrope, which is basically a werewolf!! or more broadly a furry, since u always look like whatever were-animal you are 24/7. just MORE at night, tho i suppose i don't represent that aspect much in my cookie art... ANYWAY i am restraining myself from just sitting here and like. transcribing her entire character sheet. but basically what all this means is that cookie's role in the world (at least at the beginning of the campaign) is "Professionally — no, VOCATIONALLY Hot Person who everyone loves so so so so so so much." cookie really enjoys this role.

he's named cooking with gorgeous because he's an avid cook, and he wants to share that with you, and he's gorgeous!! though honestly the cooking hasn't ended up as important to his character as it was when i first came up with him, lol — but my initial concept was kind of like, what's the equivalent of a bouncy normie recipe blogger/lifestyle influencer but in the context of the lush horny trans deathless psychedelic universe of sapphicworld. and it's cooking with gorgeous, a doggirl dyke with big blue boobs (six of them!!) who is so devastatingly cute and darling that a bunch of people just kind of pledge their fealty to him for no real reason other than he feeds them. and is cute

also her name is def influenced by the fantastic names of many canon sapphicworld npcs! like, quick example list of some npc names off the top of my head: the booty commie, death cybernetic, princess eureka!, the culinary goof (whom cookie dislikes. btw.), pizza friday (whom cookie loves!!!)

cookie is very very determined, and she's ALMOST always very confident. even when she isn't feeling confident, she's still very good at forcing herself to keep putting one foot in front of the other — maybe just while screaming or crying or uncontrollably barking or at least very ardently complaining. he has a tendency to be spoiled and, like, tactless-via-obliviousness, so sometimes he can be grating to interact with, and he has a petty/vindictive streak; but in general he's an AGGRESSIVELY kind person and usually aims all his shrill, cheerful stubbornness directly toward the goal of refusing to accept anything but the best for everyone.

at the beginning of our campaign cookie has JUST received a brand new castle!!!! (chateau gorgeous.) which he doesn't actually "own" bc, remember, no wealth or class in sapphicworld, but he's the ENTHUSIASTIC new caretaker and is chomping at the bit to renovate it so ppl can live there and he can throw a bunch of magnificent parties and basically continue living exactly as he has been, But Even More Fabulous. obviously this is exactly when the main plot threat of the campaign shows up and spoils everything and compels cookie to go on his First Ever Adventure!!!!!! she HAS to save the world otherwise NOBODY will be able to go to the first big party at chateau gorgeous :((((

at this point to prevent myself from just like, giving you guys a play by play of the entire campaign so far i am going to just start listing every cookie fact i can think of as bullet points

🎀 he owns a magical sword in the shape of a giant microplane. it's called The Microplane. he pronounces this "mee-crow-plah-nay"

🎀 george desperately wants to resurrect The Dog-Lich, an entity that once ruled over all beasts from its palace on the moon but was murdered and torn to pieces in a cosmic war far in the past. her attitude towards this desire is 50% devoted lunar cultist, 50% parasocially obsessive twitter stan

🎀 this isn't really a cookie fact but going back to how his title is The Noble Sweetheart — just for a glimpse at party composition, his fellow party members' titles are The Intimate Scholar, The Tentacle Advocate, and The Tw*nk Controversial (the * is the canon spelling).

^ aforementioned tw*nk. its name is Mwah ("pronounced like the kiss you blow at someone you just fucked over"). mwah is played by @/squiddelyfather on twitter!

🎀 mwah and cookie used to be very, very tight, BEFORE mwah became the tw*nk controversial. now that it's so.... you know.... controversial, well. they're still very close, but it has gotten a little stilted and weird (and watching them slowly un-weird it together as the campaign goes on has been one of my fav roleplay experiences ever honestly)

🎀 cookie's other adventuremates, skarligge and delaryn, are both very indulgent towards him. delaryn acts the most grumpy/dismissive about it but is honestly sometimes the worst about spoiling cookie out of anyone in the party (skarligge's player is twt@/clown_dream and delaryn's is twt@/glaiveguisarme and hey while im at it our fantastic gm is the sapphicworld dev, twt@/ddemoneclipse. hi guys i hope u don't mind me chattering abt ur ocs here lol it's just hard to talk abt the best of cookie w/o bringing up everyone else's characters and roleplay also!!!)

🎀 cookie is very VERY sensitive and will burst into tears at the drop of a hat. the precursor to this is her eyes getting So So So Big And Wet And Round. one of my favorite bits to menace the other party members with is when something is not going cookie's way i will lean into my mic and say "cookie's eyes are getting so so so big. they're getting so big and wet and round and shiny. they're so so round and fucking big her eyes are like big wet black glass marbles" and this is like kryptonite to them. this is like getting hit with deadly radiation

🎀 oh speaking of fashion!!!! one of cookie's perks from being a Babe is that she can always change her look whenever she wants. she will ALWAYS have whatever outfit she needs and can quickchange instantly. wait this reminds me i have a bunch of seasonal holiday outfits sketched out and i don't think i've ever posted them here but it'll only let me put one more image in this post. well here have this one

🎀 okay well suddenly i have forgotten all other george facts so that's all for now!!! from now on i will try to just dump oc facts like this more often tho this is really fun. ty for getting me going lol!!!

#my ocs #my art #cooking with gorgeous #sapphicworld

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valentinedaughtler · 6 months

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Tainted Opal (Part 6)

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

T/Ws: violence, romantic feelings, blood, mild spice scenes sometimes, fem!reader and she/her pronouns, sexual abuse/trauma (not explicit)

Synopsis: Your boat has been docked in Fjerda and you forgot your coat…. (But Kaz has a coat…👀)

REQUESTS: OPEN✅

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6 - Kaz Brekker Always Had a Reason

The ship was docked on the west coast of Fjerda, frozen plains stretches over the horizon into a snowy oblivion. The ocean was deeply frigid, an innocent plunge would send you to a numbing death.

Everyone, except prepared Matthias, was painfully underdressed. Jesper reminded us all frequently through whiney griping. We teased him about it, saying his fancy hats would not even be able to warm him up. My social circle included all the Crows, but I lingered longer around Inej and Nina. We all seemed to feel a feminine connection to one another; an easy group to complain about the boys' nonsense to.

As Nina and I shivered, we huddled near one another, the long trek around the Fold just beginning. Matthias held Nina close, insuring that she would be warm, despite her heartrender abilities.

Eventually, Nina moved between the cold Crows, circulating their blood into a more rapid speed to keep their temperatures up. Thus, I was left with the massive Fjerdan man. I'd seduced many men, but only a few looked like they could snap me in half like a twig for a fire like he did.

"Do you miss Fjerda?" I asked with an inquisitive tilt of the head. Matthias's face contorted slightly, his jaw shifting and eyebrows stitching together. He stayed silent for a moment before sighing,

"I do miss my people in some ways, but sometimes you find a person who changes your values...," he replied with a thick accent. It was sharp and pronounced, I had a feeling if he yelled at you it would feel like a brick to the face. I nodded as he watched Nina. "Do you miss your life before Ketterdam swallowed it up?"

"No-...," I tried to articulate how I felt about my past, but I guess I wasn't too sure. "I miss the specifics, the small details. Though, when I think about the big picture, I don't miss any of it." I let out a shivered breath before speaking again, "I don't want to think back fondly on what my life had been, trying to write an edited version with only the good plot points. It's easier to not think about it at all, no story is better than a bad one, don't you think?" I craned my neck to look at Matthias's eyes, they looked harsh and painful, but maybe they were pained instead.

"I think you should just keep writing the story," he acknowledged my thought with a nod. "Maybe find new characters to add to it rather than making it a one-man narration." I laughed softly, an unexpected response from him.

"Nina seems to be a good influence on you," smirking at him with a knowing glint in my eye. He really loves her, I thought as I made my way to the heartrender herself. "Nina!" I waddled my way across the tundra to her and Kaz. She seemed a bit exasperated as the dark haired boy begrudgingly allowed her to use her small science on him.

"Y/n, can you tell him that I will not be stopping his heartbeat?" She huffed as Kaz squirmed away from her slightly.

"That's enough," he said, but I heard his teeth chatter a bit through that gravely voice. I laughed, asking Nina to warm me up instead. She excitedly obliged, leaving Kaz to sulk in peace.

She began to chuckle to herself as she contorted her soft fingers to work her 'majik'.

"What is it?" I inquired with growing curiosity. She turned to me with a suggestive smile and a wink.

"Kaz was watching you, earlier, when you were taking to Matthias." Her grin widened, showing her pearly, white teeth. My cheeks burned when the meaning behind her words clicked in my brain. She continued, "I may have called him out on such. He got real defense," she dragged out her words with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"He's always defensive. He's basically a human defense system; a wall." I said, attempting to use logic. He barely knew me, unless we had met somewhere before, Kaz wouldn't trust me this early on, I knew that much.

"Well, yes, but you did pay upfront, he doesn't really need you alive, so..." Nina batted her eyelashes at me, mimicking a lovestruck girl. I flushed as I looked back at Kaz, limping a few feet behind us, when he met my gaze I spun back around, tensing up. Nina leaned close to my ear, "you're blushing... and I can tell your heartbeat has fluctuated frequently when he is near you-"

"Okayy, thank you, my darling, Nina, but I should really be going-,"

"You should be discussing plans with me since we are getting closer to the main path," rasped Kaz from behind me. I stifled a startled scream. Geez, what's with me? I'm never actually flustered around people and I've... been in intimate situations during heists many a time. Nina flashed me a smile and a wink before leaving Kaz and I alone. I sighed with relief as I know her torment would be at bay, for now.

"When we get to the trail's end, we should find shelter for the night, there are abandoned cabins all over Fjerda. That's what my dad told me, atleast," my voice was still a bit shakey as I tried to slow my heart rate down. Kaz nodded.

"It's the safest gamble to set up camp at the first cabin we see that doesn't have occupants in it," his tone was somehow more formal than it generally was, his body seemed tense. Had he heard what Nina had said? I looked at the cheery woman far up ahead, her bubbly laugh echoing across the frozen wasteland we trekked.

I walked with Kaz in silence, maintaining a couple feet of distance between us, I wasn't sure why, but I felt that if I touched him that he might snap. Whether that indicated him imploding or killing me, I wasn't sure. But I respected his need for space. I felt like I yearned to be alone often, since intimate touch was an important part of my job. It often wasn't by people I wanted to touch me too. Maybe it bothered me because I was so young, but no one in Ketterdam stayed young. Instead of a slow climb to adulthood, it was a drowning process. Before, you were something, but after you plunged up for air, you weren't much anymore.

A gust of wind blew hair into my face and sent a shiver throughout my body, like hitting a metal drum and watching it vibrate. Kaz seemed to suppress the chill he felt, huffing slightly as the wind blew towards us.

"Why didn't you bring a jacket?" Kaz grumbled, his glare colder than the snow melting in my boots. "Your chattering teeth is starting to irritate me."

"I originally thought we'd be headed through Shu Han," I said through long breaths. I suddenly felt a thick jacket be placed.., no, more so dropped onto my shoulders. I turned to the Crow beside me, who refused to meet my gaze. With a breathy laugh, I slipped my arms into the jacket. It was soft and warm, but oversized on me. I dug my chilly hands into the lined pockets. "Thank you."

Kaz stayed silent, but I could tell he was cold in only his shirt and vest. "We need you in good health. The Crows, especially Matthias, need your tailoring skills to disguise us. I assume your business partner also knows of me, so that would be a problem." He explained, as if justifying his decision to himself.

We eventually reached a fork in the road, both paths leading to long, winding expanses of lifeless tundra. I indicated the correct road, but as we made our way, we saw a small shack.

The skeleton of the building was stacked logs and eroded wood was sparsticslly laying in chunks near the house. The inside had creaky wooden floors, a small kitchen area and bed rested on opposing sides. Fur hanging from the walls, for decor and warmth probably, a small fire place, and a couch were the only other things of note in the barren room.

"Oh, it reminds me of how Matthias and I had spent our first night together," Nina purred with a silly smile.

"Wylan and I are too fancy to sleep on the floor," Jesper said while sprawling out on the make-shift mattress. No one objected, but Matthias and Nina called the couch. Us single three left mutually decided we were on our own for sleeping areas.

"There's enough fur for the rest of us to just sleep on the floor separately," Inej pointed out, "but I'm okay sharing with Y/n if there is a shortage of blankets." She smiled at me and squeezed my hand. I returned her sentiment by promising to braid her hair later.

Jesper's eyes wandered around the room in observation, eventually landing on jacket-less Kaz and my body that was swallowed by said-jacket. His lips crooked into a sly grin.

"Nice jacket, Y/n," Jesper said and his eyes landed on the coat's owner, who froze.

"I'm going to collect firewood," Kaz grumbled and made his way outside the cabin quite quickly.

"I'll be right with ya', boss!" Jesper shot up from the bed and jogged after Kaz, his giggling and teasing still audible.

"Should we leave them alone in the woods?" Nina asked, "Kaz may kill the poor boy." Everyone laughed a bit, knowing looks shared between everyone besides me. I've been too casual, I've grown too close to them. Maybe... I should stay away from Kaz a bit since we aren't trapped on a boat together any longer.

✵ ♣ ✵

"He gave you his jacket?" Inej repeated the words I just spewed out nervously. I nodded in response as she turned to look at me with shock.

We sat together on the roof, which was very difficult for for me to get up to after Inej did so with grace. Stealth was not my thing. She sat in front of my crossed legs, leaning on me slightly, as I braided her hair ornately. The repetitive motions soothed me as I felt the pressure of the coming heist. "The last couple nights on the boat we've both gotten nightmares from too much time on the sea," I explained. "We've been talking from late to early, until the sunrises, or just sitting in silence."

Inej giggled a bit, I felt her shake against me as the laugh vibrated through her. "He doesn't grow fond of people quickly, I can't be sure, but I want you to stay with us after the heist," Inej said softly.

I hummed in response, "we'll see. Even if we part ways, I'll stay in touch with you and Nina." I couldn't see her face, but I could tell Inej was smiling.

We both looked down to see a babbling Jesper walking next to an exhausted looking Kaz. Inej turned to me as I had just finished braiding her long hair. Her lips were crooked into a michevious grin.

"Let's scare them," she whispered softly. I was pretty sure Kaz would have seen us by now, knowing how observant he is, but the idea was too tempting. We slid behind the slant of the roof and Inej silently leaped to a nearby tree, her wire-y figure wrapping around the limbs on it, gripping the bark. She chucked a pinecone at Jesper, knocking the eccentric hat off of his head. He squeaked as he attempted to get the snow off of his hat. Inej disappeared behind the tree as the two boys looked up at the direction the pinecone came from. As I aimed to hit Kaz with a pinecone, I slipped slightly. His keen eyes landed on the roof, but not before I hid myself from his line of vision.

"Shit. Shit. Shit." I whispered, still wearing Kaz's coat. I stayed silent for a moment before hearing the crunching of boots in the snow. I quickly hurled the pinecone at Kaz's head, but he swung his cane, hitting the pinecone perfectly. He didn't even look up. Before I realized it, the pinecone was headed straight for me. He was aiming for me. I dodged it, but in the process my grip on the roof loosened, causing me to slide down the roof towards Jesper and Kaz. They looked up at the roof, and the sharpshooter leaped to catch me. I fell into his arms with a thud.

I smiled nervously, "hey guys..." Inej shimmied down the tree and quickly came to check on me. Jesper let me down, laughing the whole time, but Kaz had an indescribable expression on his face.

"I told you we can't have you dead," his tone was serious, my smile dropping abruptly. "Stick to what you're good at; making your presence known, Seductress." He admonished my actions as he walked inside with firewood in one hand, cane in the other. Why am I so foolish when I'm around him?

Inej followed after him, sternly explaining it was her idea. I felt a warmth in my heart as she defended me.

"Come, Y/n, let's talk," Jesper said. He had a pelt of fur draped over him, keeping him warmer. I followed him in the frosty woods behind the cabin. He smirked a bit as we made our way around trees and fallen logs, as well as other suffering vegetation.

"Is something wrong? Do you need relationship advice for Wylan?" I asked with a twinge of concern.

"Oh, no, no. It's about Kaz," his self-assured demeanor stayed strong as I attempted to keep pace with his long-limbed figure. "He's taken an unusual liking to you." He gestured to coat I was wearing.

"He was just being polite," I said, but even I had a hard time saying it without becoming skeptical.

Jesper snorted and shook his head, "Kaz isn't nice to for no reason, Y/n. Despite was people say, Kaz Brekker always has a reason."

_____________

Word Count: 2344

_____________

I realize this seems more like a fast paced romance, but don't worry, the girl falls first in this story. We'll get there...

-Valentine

#fanfic #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #nina zenik #shadow and bone #six of crows #soc #grishaverse #matthias helvar #fjerda #wylan van eck #fem!reader #fem reader

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eokami · 5 months

Text

THEORY THEORY THEORY TIME! Can we really TALK or think about a lot of similirities that hit my head more and more every single day? Maybe I'm biased about this, but lemme explain!

qBBH and qAntoine. Yeah, let's start this way. I really think their lore is 100% related to each other. Why? I have some reasons for this:

-Both are Eldritch creatures. (+ qBBH also being Demon or so Fallen Angel) So, They both may have been… met before.

-The temple image. Antoine was the most insistent with asking aBBH about what he think it is. Maybe to confirm if qBBH REMEMBER something about the past. And qAntoine complain to Cucurucho for this thing being "too soon". I could guess the "deal" (The shake hands yellow and black) is something related to both of them in some way.

-The text in the Rebellion about qBBH. The "It is strange that nothing bad has happened. Or maybe it happened a long time ago." Maybe that is about the pact… or what qBBH recently told to his childrens. He has to leave or could be worse. Or, the way he said after talk to qTina: "The more time I spend in a place, the more dangerous it becomes."

-qAntoine has a tittle said by Cucurucho: "The Watchful Scribe". He already has a lot of information about everyone. And it said that Antoine himself know the role of every character for the need of his own role.

-qBBH confirmed in the "Find the buttom" with qAntoine that he "Always watch from afar." in a omninous way. It's possibly a hint about them like a camaraderie elbow blow or just my biased way to think about a randoom chat.

-We cannot forget "The Watcher" himself. It could be other person. it could be something related to both, or just qAntoine, we don't know.

-Egg Island, where "The Watcher" was, appeared more eggs. qAntoine said to Pomme days ago "I know you as if I made you." (Or at least I understand it that way. Could be wrong) So MAYBE qAntoine is the one responsible for that and-

-Could someone finally give importance to the Census Bureau?!?! Is in FRENCH. And okey, I'm like crazy here for some reason but-- qAntoine confirmed to have 3 faces: "Everyone has multiple faces, I'm the only one showing them all" and "I have four actually, the last one is inside, I'd rather not show it" Can we Talk about Cucurucho's original name being ":)" and that are 2 more of them… AND THEN THE DARK ONE?! Am I crazy or not?! qAntoine created them as well?! Maybe are the Cucurucho prototypes inspired by ayrobot?!

-Dapper with his father have become the ones who do experiments like "Elena", the new misterious worker who aparently is part of the hibrid experiments on other residents like qBaghera. Dapper told his dad it could be dangerous if The Federation knows about his investigations. It's a good parallel/way to fusion the concepts. -(I FORGOT THIS ONE !! (Editing editing)) The first day that qBBH returned to Quesadilla Island from Egg Island, he was surprised to see qEtoiles and qBagi and said "how did you get there if you're not dead?" // When qAntoine returned and was chatting with qtubbo, his comment was "I was dead, I think, but not anymore, I was tired of being dead" LIKE--…WHAT.

Sorry my weird english. I talk spanish and now that the translations with the new system are a posibility I'm trying to get into the french lore. I really really love it!

#qsmp #qsmp theory #qsmp dapper #qsmp pomme #qsmp aypierre #qsmp antoine #qsmp bbh #Am I crazy or just somehow that makes totally sense?

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kkarmiic · 11 months

Note

okay so like, the demon bros with a short reader who picks fights with pretty much everyone. like, when mammon is complaining about "babysitting" them when they first arrive the readers first impulse is to give him a rude response. i just think it would be very funny. gn reader please. -⭐

#’ DEMON BROS WITH A SHORT CONFRONTATIONAL GN!READER

🫐’ CONTENT AND WARNINGS

\\ synopsis: hcs of the demon brothers with a short confrontational reader

‘+ genre: fluff

*# warnings: lucifer tries to punish you, suggestive content for asmo

// authors note: sorry it took so long! life got in the way!

‘LUCIFER

When you first meet him, he isn’t shocked by your height, after all, it was on your medical files.

What he wasn’t expecting however, was for you to be so… confrontational, to put it simply.

As soon as Mammon whined about quote on quote ‘babysitting you’ you snapped back.

Oh. Okay!

He instantly knew you either 1. Were not going to take any insults from Mammon or 2. Were going to be the biggest headache for him.

It was the latter.

He tries to punish you?

Not on your watch.

You start yelling at him, not giving you excuses, just fully telling him how his methods and reasonings for punishments are unfair.

For a moment he’s shocked, nobody ever really speaks back to him like this.

You make him age it’s that bad.

When a lower level demon starts talking down on you, to your FACE.

You lose your goddamn (ha god) mind at them.

It’s kinda wild to see.

You’re now the new chihuahua congratulations.

‘MAMMON

Mammon however is extremely shocked by your height.

Obviously you were going to be shorter than he was, he was a demon.

But short by human standards? You’re never hearing the end of this.

He’d come up with the most inventive nicknames you’ve ever heard.

“Hey ankle biter!”

“How are you knee-high?”

The list goes on.

At some points it just gets… annoying?

And you finally snap.

You tell him commenting on your appearance isn’t funny, that you don’t like it, that you’re sick of it.

You tell him exactly how you feel, not sparing any rude comments or gestures as you do.

Huh.

He’s definitely shocked by this.

He’s the great mammon and all that!

He doesn’t make fun of you for your height again.

It clearly made you upset enough for you to call him out on it and he gets it in a way, always getting the punishments from lucifer etc.

If you’re dating him he does call you nicknames RELATING to your height.

Like doll or such, but it’s endearing.

He also appreciates the way you stand up for him, confronting people (lucifer) when he can’t.

He really likes your confrontational nature (and your height)

‘LEVIATHAN

I imagine he teases you at first, mostly about your height.

You yell at him, telling him he isn’t funny.

“A worthless otaku like me isn’t funny.. I know.” Or something like that.

It would probably take both of you off guard.

?? Worthless otaku?

He likes how you stand up to people for him though, even though he’s more than capable of doing it himself.

Mammon is trying to steal a limited edition Ruri-Chan figure from his room?

Nah. You call him out!

Lucifer tries to punish him?

You start yelling, kicking up a fuss, yelling.

Lucifer then tried to punish you.

Yeah that doesn’t work either.

He gives up after that.

Levi would also make you cosplay with him, but you only as the short characters.

OHOH he finds it so funny!

Calls you gorgeous though, so I guess there’s that?

He finds your height quite nice, makes him feel less ‘jealous’ in a way.

“Yeah! MC is mine! See how I can lean?” Does that cute lil shoulder height lean thing that people do.

He also definitely crouches down to speak to you, which obviously gets on your nerves.

‘SATAN

For me this is very fifty fifty, depending on night bringer or shall we date right?

In night bringer, if you call him out, if you’re confrontational, you’re only going to make his anger fits worse.

In shall we date? Sure, he’ll get a little upset, but after literal centuries, he’s calmer, he knows how to handle it.

He finds your height aesthetically appeasing.

Recommends books with a main character or love interest whos shorter than average, just to make you feel less ‘weird’ about it. (If you do)

Satan likes the way you don’t let anyone treat you like shit.

Lucifer trying to punish you?

Oh boy do you have a mouth on you!

You call him out, letting him know how unfair, how unjust his punishments are etc. etc.

Satan thinks he’s found his soulmate, his perfect match.

And now another person for the anti-lucifer club.

Constantly trying to recruit you.

“Hey so you know how you don’t like Lu-“

“Satan. Seriously?”

“…”

If you say no though, he won’t hold it against you.

You’re quite upfront about your feelings, that’s just in your nature.

He won’t get angry, or upset, you have the right to say yes or no.

‘ASMODEUS

Okay this is oddly specific, but I imagine that in the devildom, the demons are weirdly tall.

Almost freakishly tall.

(Biblically accurate demons)

And so because of your height, you find it quite hard to get clothes that actually fit you!

He understands the important of fashion and feeling confident in clothes that actually fit you don’t worry <3

Gets your clothes custom made if he can’t find any that fit you.

“Ooh? You like that style? Okay!”

Just know you’ll never have any issues finding clothes in your style, perfectly fitting to you, with him around.

As for your temper?

He likes your no nonsense attitude.

Infact, he finds it quite hot.

You don’t take shit, especially not from lower level demons.

They comment on your height?

You’re going off.

Fuck scary dog privileges, you are the scary dog.

People underestimate you, expect you to be relaxed, or shy, but in reality you’re the most confrontation human they’ve ever met.

There’s definitely been times where he’s had to pull you away from a demon before because you started confronting them about something they’d said about asmodeus. (Especially following night bringer lore!!)

However, if when you meet, he comments on you in a negative way, at all.

You go off on him too.

He’s shocked!? Nobody ever talks to him like that?!

That’s when he knows he wants you in his bed.

‘BEELZEBUB

Okay, so with your height, and my whole head canon about the demons being taller than average, they’d need to eat a lot more.

He’d be concerned about you, to be completely honest.

Why are you not eating as much as him?

Are you sick, whats happening?

He’s constantly hovering over about you.

Talking to others about you.

He’s so interested in the new human living in the house with him.

To be honest, it makes you a little bit unnerved.

Like ?? Why is this buff fucking demon asking about me??

You confront him about it!

Asking him why he’s basically stalking you.

Why won’t he leave you alone?

He soon explains that he’s worried because you don’t eat as much as him (even though that’s normal) or his brothers.

To which you explain because you’re shorter, your stomach isn’t as big, you don’t need as much food as him to maintain your body and keep yourself healthy with nutrition.

Oh!

Well that makes sense.

He still checks on you though, you’re short, some lower level demon is going to try and eat you alive.

He’s the scary dog now.

Can you imagine the height difference though?

Like… What?!

You’re tiny, that man is huge.

He uses your head as an armrest sorry not sorry.

‘BELPHEGOR

Okay, so this one for me is a little complicated.

I don’t think you’d be as naive to let him out the attic.

But if you do, you hold that shit against him.

He complains about how you’re not a good enough pillow because of your height?

Bringing it up!

It’s like your humour, your inside joke.

And if anyone tries to wake him up from his nap (or his many naps)

You don’t let them.

You tell them, albeit very not politely, to go away.

That he’s sleeping, why do they want to bother him!?

You’re a lil aggressive, he never really knows, after all he’s in a super deep sleep (as per usual).

But the one time he catches you doing it, he was just dozing off when he heard you talking to someone, telling them to leave him to sleep, that he’s tired etc.

He feels a little smile twitch on his lips.

He’s so… happy?

It’s an odd feeling for him.

It feels nice to be protected by you.

posted by: apollo

#obey me x reader #asmodeus x male reader #asmodeus x reader #satan x reader #obey me x male reader #obey me x gn reader #lucifer x reader #mammon x reader #leviathan x reader #Beelzebub x reader #belphegor x reader

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havendance · 7 months

Text

Batman for Dummies

Chapter 3: Starring NIGHTWING as the Cavalry

AO3: Chapter 3 | Read from the beginning

Fandom: Batman

Featured Characters/Relationships: Helena Bertinelli & Tim Drake, but look basically everyone shows up this chapter including, but not limited to: Dick, Barbara, Jean-Paul Valley, and Bruce too I guess.

Wordcount: 9100

Fic Summary:

In the aftermath of the quake that shook Gotham, Helena Bertinelli takes on the mantle of the Bat. (It isn’t like Batman’s using it.) If she’d known the cowl came with a certain moralizing little bird following her around — well, she probably still would’ve done it, but it would’ve been nice to know in advance. (Or: Tim and Helena team up 2: electric boogaloo. Now with more bats!)

We are back, baby! I got so much procrastination on my school projects done while editing this.

After two chapters of drama, it's time for something more chill and fun before we hit the endgame :)

Excerpt:

“Knock knock.”

Helena groaned and blinked. Someone was shining a flashlight in her face. At her side, Robby made some equally unhappy noises as he tried to pull the blanket over his head. It took Helena a second to wake up, but then it happened all at once. Someone else was there.

She kicked out, but her legs were still tangled in the blankets and the intruder easily dodged back.

Robby finally noticed something was wrong and sat up. “’Lena, what?” he said with a yawn. Then, more alert: “Nightwing?”

With the flashlight no longer shining in her eyes, Helena could see the black and blue costume she’d originally missed. She flicked on the LED lamp near the bed, and there he was, looking in far better shape than anyone inside the city had been in months. “What are you doing here?” she demanded.

“When did you get here?” asked Robby.

“To answer your questions: last night and I was sent to fetch you. B called a meeting,” Nightwing said.

Robby crossed his arms. “B knows what I think. You can tell him that sending you isn’t going to change that. No offense,” he tacked on apologetically.

Nightwing nodded. “So you’re both out then?

Helena exchanged a look with Robby. “Both?” she asked.

Nightwing shrugged. “He told me to get both of you.”

“Really?” she asked. “Because he was pretty clear on what he thought of me the last time we met.”

“Hey, I just got here.” Nightwing held up his hands. “I’m just telling you what he told me.”

Robby was looking to her. “Do you think he means it?”

Helena shrugged. “You know him better than I do, kid.”

“Well…” she could see the wheels in his head turning, “maybe. He did kind of try to apologize last time.” To Robin, not to the Bat. “I won’t go if you don’t,” he decided.

Helena turned back to Nightwing. “Who else is going to be at this meeting?”

“Me, Oracle, Azrael I think. It’s an all hands sort of thing.

So either she was actually included in that, or else he just wanted to chew her out in front of a larger audience. Helena knew she really shouldn’t get her hopes up; she’d been burned enough times before, but if he really was serious this time… Well, She never had completely managed to rid herself of the part of her that wanted for Batman to see her, to respect her. Though, admittedly, with the events of the past months, that part had gotten pretty small.

What were the options here? If they went and it turned out he was still an asshole, it’d be annoying, but she could just leave. A waste of morning at worst. But if they didn’t go and it turned out he was serious… Helena was honestly a little surprised that Robin had stuck with her this long. He'd been the only thing keeping her from spilling blood all over his precious bat symbol and he’d still chewed out Batman for her in the end. If Batman was serious, she owed it to the kid to at least give it a try. She knew he didn’t like being at odds with Batman, for all he was willing to be.

“We’ll come,” she said.

“Where are we going?” Robby asked.

“Clocktower,” Nightwing said. “I figured I’d come along with you once you got suited up.”

“How long until we need to be there?” Helena asked.

He shrugged. “Sooner’s better. It starts whenever everyone shows up.

She probably wouldn’t have been able to get back to sleep anyway. Helena stood up and stretched. “Well then, let a woman have her privacy?”

Robby dragged Nightwing out the door.

She could hear them talking in the other room as she stripped off her sleepwear and pulled on the Batsuit.

“You had me worried, you know,” Nightwing said.

“Really?” Robby asked.

“Yeah, I had to hear from O that you were hanging out in No Man’s Land.”

“Oh.” A pause. “I didn’t think you’d notice.”

“Really? You come by every other week to bother me. Of course I’m going to notice when you stop. Then you stop answering your phone and of course I’m worried.”

“Um, I’m sorry?”

A snort, probably from Nightwing. Helena could empathize. “Punk. So, you and Huntress?”

“She’s the Bat,” Robby said automatically. Then, more suspicious: “And what do you mean?”

“I’m just saying, after all that shit you gave me for letting her see my face, where do I find you?”

“It’s not— I’m not— It’s practical!” Robby sputtered. “I’ve known her for longer! And there’s only one bed!”

“Sure, kid.”

“You agreed we weren’t going to bring that up!”

“I’m just saying…”

The conversation devolved into scuffling. Helena pulled on her mask and went around to the doorway. Robin was only half-way suited up and Nightwing had him in a headlock.

She coughed. “So, are we going?”

Nightwing let Robin go and he hurried to finish putting on his tunic. “I’m ready,” he said and headed to the exit.

Nightwing turned to her. “Ladies first,” he said.

She rolled her eyes, but headed for the door.

#helena bertinelli #tim drake #barbara gordon #no man's land #batman: no man's land #my fic #havendance writes #batman for dummies #advancing the tim & helena agenda #the cooler gotham antihero #carthago delenda est #dc #bats + birds + affiliated #dick grayson #last of the flying graysons

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cerealforkart · 1 year

Text

I made myself these little dress up dolls because everyone’s getting changed all the time, here’s the first batch, outfits pre-episode 13

Design notes under the cut

[part 2] [part 3]

Lincoln

* I would first of all like to thank Lincoln for being shaped like a model (long boy) and thus very easy to dress up

* I forgot that Link needed to tear off his sleeves to make Normal a diaper in lesson 14, so in lesson 11 he grabs a sweater when I assume he goes home between escaping the FBI and returning to school

* Lincoln is so comically tall the Teeny costume (which I just moved from Normal to Link and edited to match Link’s pose) only reaches his knees. It actually looked so stupid that I had to edit it to make the Teeny costume slightly longer in the legs

* Link has two roombas in his room, he’s a clean boy, he isn’t walking around Taylor’s house in his bare feet, he doesn’t trust like that, it’s sock time

Scary

* I actually originally planned for Scary to have more piercings, but I forgot to add them in lesson 1. Let’s just say her mom won’t let her go crazy on the piercings, from what we’ve heard in rad facts (wouldn’t let her get a tongue piercing or learn guitar) that sounds in character

* I wanted to do the Shit Garden logo on Scary’s shirt like one of those metal bands that only people who like metal can actually read, but I only have so much time and patience

* I want so badly to play with Scary’s hair more, but I haven’t really had the chance, I hope there will be more excuses to give her different styles in the future, I like the braided bun for fancy occasions a lot

* Big T-shirt and shorts are peak pyjamas, love it for her. Also, you don’t need to know how long I spent trying to come up with something for her shirt to say

Normal

* Don’t tell anyone but I kind of miss drawing Teeny’s big stupid head every day, it was easy comedy

* I did actually draw a Jimmy Buffet design on the shirt before scribbling over it, you can barely see if you look closely

* I don’t actually have anything to say about Normal’s dance outfit so I guess I’ll just take this opportunity to talk about my Normal design in general. He was the one it took me the longest to land on and I’m still unsure if I’m happy with him, I want his hair to be long enough to just sorta hang and be greasy, but not so long that it will get in his face too much and I still consistently fail on it

* Not much to say about his sleepover fit either. Froggy :)

Taylor

* I had originally planned for everyone to be wearing their bracelets on their left wrists but in episode 8 it’s mentioned that Taylor is wearing his on his right, at that point I think I had only drawn Taylor’s bracelet once so it was easier to just change his and let him be a special boy (also, they keep the bracelets on post-FBI because Taylor never really has an opportunity to take it off and the others wear theirs in solidarity)

*After Lesson 10, Taylor swaps out the crest of friendship from Digimon to wear his dad’s ring of swapping as a necklace, he tends to grab at it when his dad or the topic of betrayal comes up

* I hate Taylor for his dance fit. No longer my favourite son

* Not really a design note but I watched the Sailor Moon dub in three parts on youtube with my little sister huddled around our home computer after school, we’re real OGs

Hermie

* I finally decided to add the Joker makeup to my Hermie design, I found a powdery sorta brush to use for it so now he’s a true clown. Good for him I guess

* You may notice that I’ve tweaked my Hermie design and his colour scheme just a little bit. This is because white Hermie is dead and you know what? Good for him. I also made his hair a little wavier for Scam, you’ll start seeing the updated Hermie design (as if you can tell there’s a difference other than the very slight change in hairstyle) in lesson 16, because I drew the lesson 15 pages before episode 23 came out and I wasn’t going to go back and change them

* Stupid Joker tie. Hate it

* No sleepover fit for Hermie. Tragic. They need to have another sleepover and include him

#these are so much fun #love my kids #love their stupid outfits #dungeons and daddies #dndads #lincoln li wilson #scary marlowe #normal oak #taylor swift dndads #hermie the unworthy #doodly

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electronickingdomfox · 5 months

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"The New Voyages 2" review

Another collection of short stories submitted by fans, similar to the first volume (which I reviewed here). This one was published in 1978, and was also edited by Marshak and Culbreath. More uneven than the first volume, but there are still some solid tales in here. It would have been better if Marshak and Culbreath had chosen other stories (ANY stories) to replace the ones written by themselves. But I guess that's the privilege of being the editors...

Some spoilers under the cut:

Surprise! (by Nichelle Nichols, Sondra Marshak and Myrna Culbreath). Nichelle is credited as one of the authors, though judging by the info in the introduction, as well as the unmistakable style, I'd guess that most of it was written by the dreaded couple, while Nichols just provided the general idea and the ending. It's Kirk's birthday, and Uhura, together with the rest of the crew, try hard to keep the party a surprise, while Kirk gets more and more annoyed in the process. The story drags too much, since the plot doesn't really have all that meat to begin with. And everyone behaves weirdly out-of-character, supposedly because it's a comedic story. I found the whole thing more silly than funny, to be honest.

Snake Pit! (by Connie Faddis) is much better. Chapel and Kirk are abducted by an alien tribe who has recently turned hostile, and ceased commerce with a nearby scientific station. The tribe has also started to kill people in sadistic rituals involving snakes. Kirk is tortured in truly Kirk-style, and put naked inside a pit full of snakes, that bite him. He'll die if he isn't given an antidote soon. Then Chapel offers the natives a bet: if she can rescue Kirk from the pit without being bitten once, they'll have to release both of them. If she fails, well... you get the idea. So Chapel jumps also naked into the pit, armed just with a knife, and battles the snakes in glorious cavewoman fashion. There's action and tension, and the opportunity to see Chapel's most badass side.

The Patient Parasites (by Russell Bates). This author wrote the TAS episode "How Sharper than a Serpent's Tooth", and this story is actually the script for another TAS episode, which got rejected. Thus, it's presented in TV script form, not as a narrative. Some crewmembers are captured by a strange machine, whose mission is to retrieve knowledge from any species out there, and bring it to its masters. Kirk and co. must find a way to weaken the machine's force field and rescue the crew, before their allotted time expires. It ends with Kirk making the machine self-destruct through the power of logic. Pretty "meh!" and generic argument. It's no surprise it was rejected as an episode, given the static scenery and lack of action.

In the Maze (by Jennifer Guttridge) turned out to be my favorite story. This is the same author of the also great "The Winged Dreamers", in the first collection. Kirk, Spock and McCoy are investigating a strange cube building, which doesn't fit that planet's culture, when Kirk disappears through a portal. Spock and McCoy follow him, but end up in a total different place of the maze. Kirk is being held in a cage by a disgusting alien, with whom he's unable to communicate, while Spock and McCoy must brave the maze and several dangers to rescue him. All part of an intelligence test by the alien. Spock and McCoy suffer a lot (specially McCoy) and embrace a lot. And they even have to fight a tentacle monster, similar to that one in the lake before Moria (from "Lord of the Rings"). It's dark, it bears a resemblance to "The Empath", and it would have made for a great episode of the series.

Cave-In (by Jane Peyton) is a strange "free texture" poem, so it's up to interpretation, and it's not entirely clear what's going on. The dialogue seems to happen between Spock and McCoy while they're trapped inside a cave, and McCoy is prodding the Vulcan about his mixed heritage. Not much to comment. I don't get this stuff.

Marginal Existence (also by Connie Faddis) has the crew investigating an eerie planet, where all the inhabitants have been placed in "sleeper chambers" and pumped up with drugs. Most of them have been dead for centuries, anyway. It all turns very sinister once automated robots, which respond to the sound of voices, start putting crewmembers inside the chambers, and piercing them with needles and tubes filled with drugs, which causes them great pain. As it's discovered later, this hedonistic society chose to live permanently under the effect of drugs, but it all backfired once the pleasure turned into pain. Poor McCoy also suffers a lot in this one, this time from too painful pleasure. Yeah. It's an interesting, a bit macabre story.

The Procrustean Petard (by Sondra Marshak and Myrna Culbreath). This one gave me actual brain damage. The awkward prose is mostly gone, at least, and replaced with supposedly witty banter (it isn't), and repetitions of the same bad pun that gives the story its title. It also takes a similar plot as "Turnabout Intruder", but turning the misogyny up to eleven. Let me explain. In the TOS episode, Lester can't be a starship captain because a law (described as "unfair") doesn't allow women to be captains. However, Lester doesn't become any better once she gets Kirk's body. She's just as deranged and tyrannical as before, no matter that she has now Kirk's muscles and hormones; that doesn't make her a better leader. And similarly, Kirk doesn't become a hysterical crybaby simply because he's now in a female body. In the end, what counts is the attitude, what is inside, and not the body in particular. This is completely subverted in this story. The Enterprise approaches a planet, which has the stupid quality of luring spaceships just to reverse the sex of everyone on-board, whether they want it or not (the point being what??). As soon as Kirk is turned into a female (not just any female; he's the same James Kirk, just with one chromosome changed), he becomes the most useless being in the universe. Nobody believes him capable of being a leader anymore, and the story proves this point time and time again. He faints in the bridge just because the ship is shaking a bit. He can't go alone anywhere. He distracts all men because he's too beautiful now. Starfleet wants to take away his command and give him a desk job. He can't even drive a shuttlecraft anymore because "oh! the controls are too big". This is a world where aliens of all shapes and sizes are accepted, but it seems that human females are still the most pathetic things in existence... Is Spock also turned into a woman? Hell no. The authors are Spock supremacists, so they spare him that indignity. Instead, the planet gives Spock an extra Y chromosome (because it does that to the strongest male on-board, of course) and this turns Spock into a super-macho, and an insufferable asshole. At once, he stops calling Kirk "Captain", since he's no longer worthy of the rank. Needless to say, everyone reverts back to their usual selves at the end, save Spock. Because super-macho Spock = good. There's also an appearance of the Klingon Kang (from "Day of the Dove"), which has lost his whole crew because they're all now useless women. No matter that in the series, Kang was married to a very capable female Science Officer... Sigh. The only one who remains more or less the same is McCoy, who doesn't see so much difference, save the purely biological, in being a woman. But I think I know what's the logic behind this. As McCoy is the most emotional of the triumvirate, the authors probably saw him as "less of a man" to begin with. Or, in their own rhetoric, as a "beta male".

The Sleeping God (by Jesco von Puttkamer). This author is an interesting case, since he's a NASA scientist, who later would help with technical details for TMP. (He's also, by his own admittance, one of the victims of Shatner's "habit of kissing men on the mouth"). This story is a bit longer than the others, and separated by chapters. A massive super-computer intelligence, called the Nagha, has conquered her own universe after millions of years, destroying every living being in her strive to become the only, supreme intelligence that exists. She's a malevolent counterpart to V'ger, even referenced as a "child" too. Which is curious since TMP wouldn't be released until 1979. Unless it's purely coincidental, it could be that Jesco knew something about the movie script beforehand, and took inspiration from it. Or it was Roddenberry who was inspired by this story instead. Anyway, the Nagha has found out how to invade the normal universe too, and is destroying planets. So Starfleet decides to wake up their ultimate weapon: a mutant with extraordinary mental powers, put in a sleeping chamber years ago. Of course, it's the Enterprise's task to carry the sleeping god and confront the Nagha. But it soon becomes apparent that the mental powers of the mutant are interfering with the crew. The plot isn't terribly original, but it's well-written and keeps the interest. A bit heavy on the technical details (as expected, given the author's background), but not to the point of being boring. McCoy keeps bitching about all the bullshit that's going on, which is fun.

After this come two short poems (Elegy for Charlie, by Antonia Vallario, and Soliloquy by Marguerite B. Thompson). I can't comment much on them, since poetry isn't my thing, sorry.

Spirk Meter: 9/10*. Not evenly distributed, but very much there.

Surprise! has Spock offering to tuck Kirk in bed, and after Kirk accepts, he becomes flustered. Spock also carries him in his arms for a minor injury (though there's a reason for it, since he's preventing him to enter the room with the surprise party). Both of them also share a chess room between their two bathrooms, and it's obvious they're going into there after taking a shower or such.

The Sleeping God has Kirk finding a naked Spock tied to a lab table, immediately running to him, and then being stripped himself and put on another table next to him. Spock keeps calling him "Jim" all the time, even when discussing mission details. Before the whole complex self-destructs, Kirk's last thoughts are for Spock to be safe.

And Soliloquy, a first-person poem about Spock, ends with the bold words: "I love you, Captain, written on my heart". Maybe I should give this book a higher score based in this line alone, but the poem is such a little thing in the scope of the book, that I don't know...

Spones also deserves an honorary mention. Cave-In has Spock and McCoy trapped in a cave and McCoy is really hot ("Hotter than you know"). Presumably because of the stuffy air inside the cave, but this is during an intense banter between both and... well, you get the idea. In the Maze has lots of love between the two, as they're both badly injured and keep comforting and healing each other. So yeah, it's like one of those episodes.

And Kirk is a bit touchy-feely with McCoy in The Patient Parasites.

*A 10 in this scale is the most obvious spirk moments in TOS. Think of the back massage, "You make me believe in miracles", or "Amok Time" for example.

#star trek tos #star trek #spirk #k/s #novel review #star trek novels #spones

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olderthannetfic · 9 months

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Escapade Dance Party 2023 Writeup 2/3

Here is the playlist I ended up with this year, plus my commentary:

First Half

Good Omens | Running in the 90's by Maria Morningstar

Good Omens is so tricky. On the one hand, there are a billion fantastic vids, many with editing that's better than this one. On the other, a lot of the preferred music is syrupy and slow, and GO fans are actively seeking out vids and have already seen many of the ones intended for cons in the English-speaking world.

I wanted something high-energy to open the dance with, and this ridiculous song fit the bill. It woke people up and got them noticing the music had started.

I don't know Maria, but her channel has a bunch of things with cyrillic titles, so I'm guessing she's Russian. That meant a higher chance of this vid being new to people at Escapade.

Tubthumping by Aaronantium

To be perfectly honest, I do not care about this anime, but I was chilling with Aaron at Vidders Chat and discussing my plans, and he offered to make me a vid for his vampire fandom.

I don't generally accept premieres because it means wrangling more people and dealing with uncertainty, but Aaron suggested this song, and it's always a crowd pleaser as is the vid everyone makes to it. This fandom is also unusually perfect for said joke, featuring as it does a repeatedly dying vampire who… well… gets back up again.

Actually, despite it not being most people's fandom, I think this vid got one of the biggest laughs and reactions of anything during the party.

Kirk/Spock | I Knew You Were Trouble by mogo nit

K/S is a perennial favorite with con attendees—more TOS but AOS too. I don't recall why I was specifically looking for it this year. Probably, it ranked best out of things people mentioned on their site profiles.

This is an old-ass vid from 10 years ago, so if people have seen it, they probably haven't seen it lately. It's also a song I love, cliched though it might be for vids.

Word of Honor - Wenzhou - Hit and Run by CelestialMoonDragon

I knew I wanted to include WoH, both for its many fans and for people still dragging their feet about checking out Asian live action m/m stuff. The fandom has a wealth to choose from from vidders all over the globe. The big issue was simply finding vids that weren't too plastered with show audio.

When I heard this song choice, however, I knew it was the one. WoH has some unusual genre elements for wuxia, specifically all the central government focus where wuxia characters usually stay away from politics. The song really highlights that aspect. Those lyric matches! Genius!

【夜访吸血鬼】【莱斯特】【Young and Beautiful】献给我最心中最美艳的吸��鬼——莱斯特 by 欧阳夏右

Obviously, if I was going to celebrate the new IWTV, I couldn't leave out the old movie!

This is a brilliant song choice given what happens to Lestat. It's interesting to me how many Chinese vidders use music I know well. It's always fun to see what they do with a Western source and Western music, and I think bilibili is largely uncharted territory for most Escapade attendees.

【The Sentinel】【Jim/Blair】It's consuming me（Lash视角）美剧-哨兵同人mv by ozakikaoru

The Sentinel still has monofannish fans, but covering it for a dance party is a pain in the butt. I generally end up scraping the depths of Bilibili, and this year was no exception…

So how excited was I to find this refreshing and freaky take! This audio is apparently from some short film and has become something of a meme amongst vidders, but I hadn't heard it before and I don't think anyone at the con had either.

It's always extra surprising and wonderful to find a more serious and darker vid for fandoms everyone associates with camp and retro cheese. The Sentinel fans I included it for were blown away too. It's apparently a pretty good representation of the episode in question.

Forever Knight Vampires | Darkness, Darkness | Gothic 90s by knightvision1228

Because I had the vampires theme, I made a huge list of vampire fandoms to try to include. Forever Knight was one of my fandoms of the 90s and very popular with het shippers and slashers alike. Finding a vid that didn't look like bad VHS transfer, however, was easier said than done.

This one won out for featuring a rare song from the FK soundtrack that was never released. The vid also showcases the main trio instead of just being Nick/Jeanette het.

Megatron x Optimus (Song: Wrecking Ball) by Mellew

We have a lot of Transformers fans, and it's always so hard to find something I can play in the dance party… well… something that's not a 10-minute compilation of explicit fan art to horny reggaeton. Personally, I'm all about that reggaeton, but I've been looking for actual shipper vids that are a little more representative and a little less likely to make the fans combust in embarrassment.

When I heard the song choice… well… no other vid could compete.

But don't let the literalism and hilarious if one-note joke fool you: this is a fantastically edited vid that makes excellent use of the song's varying tempo.

And yes, I made sure to loudly say "WHY ARE YOU ALL LAUGHING? THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS VID" as the vid started.

BakuDeku AMV - Lucky Strike by caliowl 333

Do I watch BNHA? No. Do people at the con watch BNHA? No. Do antis hate this ship? Absofuckinglutely YES!

I love stupid shonen nonsense, and this fandom provides it in spades. It took a while to find an AMV that wasn't littered with not only show audio but dubbed show audio. (What am I, an animal?!)

I also just really love this song for dance parties.

Dancing on My Own - Robyn (Izzy Hands Edit) by auxiliarywardrobe

OFMD is another tough one. It's not due to a lack of vids: if anything, there are too many. But so many aren't suitable for a dance party and many are already familiar to people.

While I did find this on AO3 (honestly nearly a requirement for finding non-show audio vids in this fandom), it hadn't gotten any attention from people I recognized as an Escapade type crowd.

I loved the indignity of pairing Izzy with this ridiculous song. OFMD was a little anodyne for me in some ways, so the sleazy obnoxiousness of Izzy is a welcome antidote to all of the fluff and angst vids about the main ship.

At the same time, I don't particularly ship Izzy with anybody. I enjoy watching him be miserable, and the song is actually quite a good lyrical match for his impotent frustration.

Do You Wanna Touch Me? [Fanvid] by resurrecho

Okay, this one is cheating on my own rules. I'm sure people had every opportunity to see it… But it's also a femslash vid that is very, very horny.

This one's for you ladies tired of ~dewy flower~ soft bullshit!

Cult of Dionysus - Leverage OT3 - Eliot/Parker/Hardison by leverage brain worms

Leverage remains a perennial favorite and the new show had attendees talking, but people often request the same tired old vid choice. I went looking for something that hadn't been played at every con over and over.

I liked that this vid was relatively recent. The song with poly lyrics was a fun touch.

HeiHua FMV~|| Hei Ye falling for the Thorny Flower by Black Flower

When I saw this vid, I said to myself: I don't know who they are, but I ship them!

AND GUESS WHAT? SEEING THE SHOW DID NOT CHANGE THAT OPINION!

Yes, this vid is directly responsible for me watching all these DMBJ adaptations.

I knew a lot of Escapade attendees were vaguely familiar with Reunion because of Zhu Yilong, but I didn't think most had checked out the rest of DMBJ, and this vid was so diametrically opposite of both that adaptation and the vibe of the big ship that I knew I just had to include it.

But seriously, this vidder actually has an excellent grasp of narrative. Now that I've seen the show, some of this stuff is repurposed and out of context, but you wouldn't know it from the eyelines.

Cover Me - A Fanvid by TinTurtle

Ah, Pros. The Professionals has the most dedicated fans at Escapade, hands down. They keep the con afloat and keep their fandom vibrant even after decades. Finding a dance vid to include for them, however, is a bit of a trial.

Realistically, I'm never going to find a vid they haven't all seen unless I make it myself, so I look for songs with a better beat than the typical old fandom vids tend to have.

The Fanged Four - Play with Fire (BTVS/ATS) by SlayerVid

People were talking about the Buffyverse again this year. Was it an anniversary of some kind? I can't recall, but it's a big nostalgia fandom for a lot of attendees, and it's one of the bigger vampire fandoms, so I wanted to include it.

While there used to be a billion vids for Buffy and Angel, only a fraction of them are findable online now. I went hunting for something not by a con regular and with visual quality that would play okay on a projector.

This is a great song for its grinding beat, and the vid is both recent and features a variety of vampire characters.

BL | Mobu ✘ Kikuchi S2 || So What by rosenana708

I suspect I found it by looking for Kei x Yaku vids, but as soon as I spotted it, I knew it was a must-have.

Yes, this is full of stupid show audio, but too bad: Nobody at a slash or BL con should be allowed to escape without knowing that A Man Who Defies the World of BL exists.

The Locked Tomb | Fences (SPOILERS!) by peachy 💕

This fandom was the latest hot flavor for many and f/f to boot. I was skeptical about finding a vid, but what do you know!

die for you / beyond evil by butillmissyou

After being pimped in by last year's vid find, I knew I wanted to include it again.

This music grabbed me by the throat. I'd never even heard of LÉON, but the soulful sound is perfect for this fandom.

Personal Jesus by killabeez

I desperately wanted a vid to this song. The cover isn't my fave, but I couldn't turn down the combo of a vampire fandom and this classic.

True, Killa isn't exactly obscure to anyone at Escapade, but this is a relatively less seen older vid and excellently edited.

BTS Vampire FMV | Bad Things (True Blood OP) by GoldenArmy7

I'm so clever.

Yes, this is mostly here so I can follow the True Blood vid with one to the True Blood theme song. Also to inflict BTS on people.

● Ichiro + Shiro | 'dope' (KeixYaku: Dangerous Partners FMV) by xXScarshadowXx

And now some BTS music, LOL

Sadly no longer online from what I can tell

WEDNESDAY | “Sweet But Psycho” Netflix Serie [HD] by SHIK

There are like thirty vids to this fandom using this song. This one blew the others out of the water.

I'll be honest, everyone was trying to push Wednesday/Enid around the time of the con, and that ship is the most boring thing you could possibly take away from this show. I wanted a vid that showcased what's actually fun here, which is not sucking all the creepy out of an Addams Family adaptation, for fuck sake.

ALIEN SUPERSTAR | Wanda & Scarlet Witch by LittleLaceBoots

MCU is still big with attendees, but it's so sprawling that knowing what to choose is hard. I found this music choice quite interesting for how it showcases the weird schtick of this particular show.

A Cowboy's Love by lilly_the_kid

If there's one AO3 vidder I will always play, it's lilly_the_kid! I wanted something for Star Wars, and I wanted it to be slash. This classic and ridiculous vid fit the bill.

Is it appropriate for a dance party? It is IF I SAY IT IS!

Boss Bitch | Lan Wangji (陈情令 The Untamed FMV) by slowparade

Everyone vids this song, but this example is particularly great!

I like aspects of The Untamed a lot. Sadly, those aspects do not include the central ship. I'm always on the hunt for vids that actually work for me. This take on Lan Wangji is hilarious.

Geraskier - Fine By Me by CainnetreIt delights me to find vids to other versions of popular canons. This is such a classic slash vid. It's not particularly danceable, but it's so fun that I wanted to include it, so it needed to go at the end of a section. It's the kind of song you wave your beer around to.

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mirtola87 · 6 months

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"Tale as old as time", or how Good Omens planted a seed in my soul that's growing more and more (bettah) [1/2]

Hi everyone, I'm new here, and I just wanted to share my totally-personal-maybe-relatable experience with Good Omens, trying to figure out why it became sort of an obsession for me. This is a 9-years story so far, and - spoiler alert! - the passage of time played a major role in the evolution of my perception. (English is not my native language, so please forgive my faults!) I first read the book about nine years ago. I was in a public library in Bologna doing research for my PhD in literature, when I stumbled upon the Italian edition. I was driven by the funny title, which was translated as "Buona Apocalisse a tutti!" (we could back-translate it to English as something like "Merry Apocalypse!" or "Happy Armageddon Everyone!"). I was Christian raised, and among all the books of the Bible, St. John's Apocalypse had always fascinated me, I guess because it was the one that most resembled a fantasy book. So I took the book from the shelf and started reading it. Soon I realized that I didn't need it for my thesis because it didn't fit the topic (I did use Coraline, Mirror Mask and Sandman, instead!), but it bewitched me right from the first lines, so I decided to put the library copy back on the shelf, purchase a copy in English and read it for pure pleasure. I enjoyed it so much that it became one of my favourite books ever. I was young and bold and had no idea that almost ten years later that story was going to mean so much to me and tear me apart. Time passed by, and my life went on. In 2019, when the show came out, I was eager to watch it. The book was a masterpiece, and the show proved to live up to it. David Tennant and Michael Sheen were absolutely perfect in their interpretations and made me love the characters even more. While reading the book, I had found the relationship between Aziraphale and Crowley fascinating and irresistibly funny, but I didn't sense any love vibrations between them (and apparently they weren't supposed to be there yet, as we know from Neil that the love story is canon for the series but not for the book). I didn't read anything about the show before watching it, so I was quite surprised when I realized that there was something between the angel and the demon that I hadn't noticed 5 years before. I didn't see it coming at all, and I was all like, "Wait a sec... are they FLIRTING? I didn't remember that..." It was as in one of my all-time favourite songs: "Barely even friends, then somebody bends, unexpectedly". This unexpected twist left me somewhat bewildered: it was like I had suddenly realized that two long-time friends of mine were having a crush on each other. It was a bit odd as I was totally clueless about it before that moment, but then the season ended more or less like the book did, the way I already knew. That was cozy and reassuring, and all those longing glances between Crowley and Aziraphale were just an extra icing on the cake. At the end of the story, their love hadn't been named (yet), just suggested. That happy ending was nice, gentle and romantic, leaving their relationship open to interpretation and imagination. I turned off my TV with a deep sense of amusement and satisfaction, and kept on with my life. Four more years passed, then a friend of mine told me that S2 was out (I'm not very good at keeping up with news myself, I admit). I knew that there wasn't any sequel of the book, so I was surprised and really didn't know what to expect, but I knew Neil Gaiman himself wrote the script, so I was confident it had to be good. And of course it was. Since my partner hadn't watched S1, I decided to rewatch it with him before starting S2. This time I KNEW that there was something going on between Aziraphale and Crowley, and the bewilderment of the first watch gave way to something different, a sort of complicity. I found myself shipping them fondly and smiling at every little clue of their untold love. "Ever just the same / Ever a surprise / Ever as before / Ever just as sure / As the sun will rise." Life was good. [Continues in Part 2]

#good omens #neil gaiman #terry pratchett #aziracrow #aziraphale and crowley #tale as old as time #neighbour of the beast #ineffable husbands #ineffable love #grow better #david tennant #michael sheen

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zelenbug · 4 months

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GUESS WHAT!!! a tutorial for rayman origins texture mods like how i made uglette

this is for origins only for now, ill make a separate post for legends later (but itd follow most of the same steps)

first of all. use rayman control panel, if you dont have it somehow then what are you waiting for?? make sure its updated to the latest update too (14.0.0.9 as of writing this) for improved modding support

updated on january 10 2024 for the dds portion

step 1: getting the textures

in control panel, click origins and then open the archive explorer

youll get a whole directory of a bunch of folders, what you need for the textures is just the itf_cooked folder. if you want all the textures just right click the folder, click export & convert, and convert them to png or something for convenience

if you converted all the images and dont need any things that arent images, just use windows search on the extracted folder to prune all the remaining .ckd files to save on space, but this isnt as necessary

you can also extract just the sprites you want to work with, or heck get them from spriters resource if you want, but still keep control panel in mind as you need the original directory of the files

if you want to replace the playable characters, their textures are are in the following folders

rayman sprites: itf_cooked/pc/actor/playablecharacter/rayman/animation globox sprites (you will also need mosquito sprites for him): itf_cooked/pc/actor/playablecharacter/globox/animation itf_cooked/pc/world/common/shooter/playablecharacter/shootermoskitoglob/animation teensy sprites: itf_cooked/pc/world/1_jungleworld/friendly/teensy/animation ui icons for everyone: itf_cooked/pc/world/common/ui/ui_bar

step 2: the art itself

once you have the original textures all you need to do is to edit them, or redraw them. this may be a tedious process though! what i did is painstakingly edit each original spritesheet to be 2x size, then aliased to put it into a format that i can easily work with and edit, i mostly did so with a whole bunch of magic wand usage and tweaks

i did finish all the templates for all playable characters, i will see if i can release them somehow eventually? but yeah for now figure out your own way to edit them for now

either way you can figure out some way to draw new art for them. save it in a folder separate from all the other assets obviously. here for example i made a more rayman 3-like grand mimimus. i also frankensteined an icon together

step 3: dds things

now that youve done the textures for the mod, duplicate them and save them as .dds files

this isnt necessary, as larger resolutions will also work (probably as long as the dimensions are still a power of 2), but you can resize the textures to the original resolution as well. i will be doing that personally

if you dont have a program that supports dds files, i just use paint.net. i provide a save configuration for it specifically, you can get it here if you need

this is updated!!! after much experimenting this one looks the best to me. the most important settings are outlined in orange, but try to match the rest too

make sure you have generate mipmaps on specifically or else the sprite will end up pixelly

however some additional, more jpeg-y crust will be applied onto the sprite from the mipmaps themselves. so heres the technical part thats probably complicated... if you dont wanna bother with this try to copy the rest of my save configuration, i think it works the best here

i experimented a bit with what looked best and picked fant with no gamma correction, but you can try saving multiple dds files with different settings, viewing them with whatever lets you view the mipmaps themselves (windows image viewer does) and just picking which looks better at a smaller scale

(to see the differences look closely at the eyes specifically, its probably hard without overlaying these one over another and directly comparing though)

one thing i can say is bicubic and fant are definitely the best for matching the original sprites' mipmaps, as theyre not too blurry (like bicubic smooth or bilinear) while remaining fairly good looking

these are the original dds files' settings as viewed in dxt viewer. most of this doesnt seem to be applicable for the save settings but the compressed format is specifically dxt3 (which is also present in its header if you view it in hxd), so for the first save setting you probably have to pick BC2 (Linear, DXT3) as i have

TLDR: i know this is complicated, try to just copy the dds save configuration from the start of this step i guess???

step 4: renaming things

once you have done that, the weird thing you need to do is to rename the .dds into files that the game can actually read (even though theyre still dds files, and can be renamed back to .dds for them to function). for convenience you can just duplicate the files again

pay attention to the original file formats which you can see in control panel! as you can see, you should rename the majority of the extensions from .dds to .tga.ckd

windows will stop recognizing them, likely the same for the programs you use, but that shouldnt be a big deal. if you want, you can rename them back to .dds to make them usable

the important part here, dont miss it!!! is that all the ui icons are not tga.ckd, but png.ckd!!! even though theyre actually still dds files under the surface. just rename them correctly and pay attention to the right extension, or else the icon wont work

obviously make sure they have the same filename in general ALONGSIDE the extension

step 5: actually making the mod

now that you have the relevant files, click create mod in control panel

select the files module, and then make and select a folder to use as the mod folder, which should give you this result

the files folder should have these two

you should create a GameData folder in added_files, after which the entire regular filepath follows, starting from bundle_PC.ipk, then itf_cooked, then so on. for example, these are (nearly) the full directories of my files

\mod\files\added_files\GameData\bundle_PC.ipk\itf_cooked\pc\world\1_jungleworld\friendly\teensy\animation\teensy_a1.tga.ckd \mod\files\added_files\GameData\bundle_PC.ipk\itf_cooked\pc\world\1_jungleworld\friendly\teensy\animation\teensy_e1.tga.ckd \mod\files\added_files\GameData\bundle_PC.ipk\itf_cooked\pc\world\common\ui\ui_bar\ui_bar_teensy_a3.png.ckd

obviously all the textures should have the same filename and the same file path as the textures theyre replacing

then go back to the base mod folder and edit the metadata.jsonc file in something like notepad++. the file itself has commented-in extensive instructions so just follow them

as the mod creator thingy says you can also optionally create a thumbnail

anyway once youve done all of that, select all the files in your mod folder and zip them. you cant just select the folder WITH the mod things and then zip that, as then control panel wont read it because the base of the zip directory doesnt have the metadata file

step 6: finally implementing the mod!!!

now that you have the zip ready, click the mod loader and select this in the lower left corner

navigate to your zip and select it. it should appear here under installed mods

make sure you press the checkmark to the left of it and then press the apply button in the lower right

after a short wait for the mods to apply you can go turn on the game and test it

and it should hopefully work !

also yeah ill release the minimus soon enough on gamebanana

if you want to make any further edits to the textures, youd have to resave them as .dds files again, and rename them to tga.ckd/png.ckd and such, then just replace them in the mod's directory (or add new files to it) and just zip it again. its fairly easy to work with i hope

this is overall kind of a complicated tutorial but its not too bad once you get the hang of it

#rayman

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writingsfromhome · 2 years

Text

Endgame III

A/N: Long awaited final part of Endgame!! Thanks to everyone who read it all and waited ages (oops). I really enjoyed going back to the characters for this final scene, hope you do too <3

Part 1 / 2 /

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There’s a pit of dread that sits in my stomach, it’s made a home of it there all of Sunday while I work on Angels, and into Monday. It’s 8:30am sharp and I’m sat in the meeting room, nervous as fuck about this meeting with Mr. O’Neil. I’m scared that he hates me because I reacted too emotionally on Friday sending the manuscript back to him. I’m worried he’s going to find my comments on his new chapters worthless. And most of all, because I know it won’t go well, I’m scared about the way he’s going to react to the cover designs.

I don’t expect him to look so…giddy when he arrives 15 minutes later. He looks sharp in a crisp black button up and black slacks. I check my watch again, Harry was officially late which was unusual of him. I guess this was going to be a one-woman show until then.

“Mr. O’Neil,” I shake his hand. “Thanks for swinging by today.”

“Thank you,” he grips my hand tight. “You’re a spark Ms. Y/L/N.”

“It’s just Y/N,” I sit down once he finally lets go of my hand. “Now, I’m hoping those files in your hand are the last chapters?”

“They are,” he says slowly. “I brought them myself so they wouldn’t be sent back.”

My smile drops, “Ahm yeah about that, I-“

“It was the punch I needed,” he grins. He plonks down in the chair and begins pulling out more files from his bag. “Miriam has always treated me delicately, stern woman but always so delicate. You were the spark I needed, those chapters showed back up at my flat and you wouldn’t believe I wanted to chuck them across the room first--well, I did chuck them. Then I picked them all up because I’m afraid of my girlfriend. Then I laughed for five minutes solid, because nobody has slapped me like that without touching my face in a long time.”

“I…” didn’t know what to say. I was expecting major conflict today but this version of him is pumped and creative as he shows me his last chapters, takes in my feedback, and disagrees with me here and there. We flow well, that is until about an hour later. We’d done the copy edits live on the last two chapters together and he was going to take it back to fix everything Miriam and I had circled and underlined. But now it was time to reveal the cover options.

I glance miserably outside the glass room, but Harry is nowhere in sight. Leave it up to him to leave me presenting his shite.

“So…these are some of the options we have so far,” I flip over the mock-ups like I’m reading his tarot. From the look on his face, he hates what the future has in store. “They’re just some-

“No. No. These are shite. Steaming pile of shite, Y/N what is this?”

“Well,” I rack my brain for something. Anything. “We were trying for a modern and trendy cover as an option-“

“I hate all of them, why the fuck is this neon? It’s gonna blind my reader before they can even read my book! Is my book that bad?”

“No of course-“

“So why do the covers make my book look like something I’d wipe my arse with?” He stands in his chair, quickly collecting all the mockups. “These are insulting.”

“Right, okay well we’ve still got time to work on more!”

“I know we do,” he looks me in the eye and it’s intimidating, any traces of the happy-go-lucky O’Neil is gone. “But even presenting these to me is a fucking insult. I know you’ve read my book cover to cover so what’s the meaning of this?”

Ugh, it would be so easy to throw Harry under the bus. Shift the blame, say I told you so. But that wasn’t how I worked, I never wanted to create that kind of dynamic in the workplace.

“Look, Mr. O’Neil…I do sincerely apologize. If I’m honest with you, I don’t think they’re right either. But you know the book business is also now a marketing business and readers do judge a book by its cover. Our department was just trying to make something trendy, but I see very clearly now we should stick to an authentic cover that will show someone the heart of the book.”

He nods along to what I’m saying, and when I’m done he give me a once-over. “I like you kid, you know how to kiss up too.”

“I’m good at my job,” I say before I realize the weight of those words-I was good at my job and a man like Harry Styles wasn’t going to undermine the hard work I do like this. “I meet with you next Friday with your finished edits right? I’ll have new mock-ups then.”

“That’s grand,” he calmy folds over the neon cover, reopens it and tears it in two. I watch with a removed shock. “This is awful, worst of the bunch. Eh, I don’t hate the direction…just tone down those fucking colours.”

“Will do Mr. O’Neil.”

“And I want to meet this Friday for the covers and this fancy marketing bullshite. This book is my baby, I want to make sure it looks beautiful.”

I agree, mentally making a note to make room in my schedule. I shake his hand again and walk him through the office to the lift. He tells me again we work well together, and I remind him that I’ll see him next week.

Then I walk back to the meeting room, kick my heels off, and melt into my seat. What a fucking morning.

“Y/N?” I don’t know if I dozed off but my name startles me out of position. I blink the tiredness away and see a nightmare: Harry in the flesh way after the meeting’s done. “How did the meeting go?”

“What?” I look at the time, almost 20 minutes since I saw O’Neil out. I feel the familiar rage flare up inside me. “Are you asking me how the meeting went? The meeting you were supposed to attend?”

“I was supposed to be there?” Harry steps into the room. Almost sensing my impending explosion, he closes the door behind him. “I wasn’t informed.”

I laugh but nothing is funny. “You weren’t informed? So let me get this straight: we work on this together, we’re told by our director we’re on this together. And our client comes in and you didn’t think to attend? Did I have to personally email you to attend? Send you an email, a notification, maybe even an RSVP?”

“Hold on,” Harry holds his hands out as I stalk closer to him. He glances outside and it catches my attention, a couple of our colleagues stare at the entertainment. I move to the centre console and black out the windows.

“I’m holding on, what genius excuse are you coming up with?”

“No Y/N, I honestly didn’t know. I rarely attend the editing meetings, unless I’m told directly. I attend marketing meetings and-“

“You knew we were presenting the stupid mockups in today’s meeting right? Isn’t that marketing?”

“Right,” he doesn’t meet my eye. “I guess I could have came-“

“Yeah you guess?” I’m back to cornering him, my rage rearing its ugly face. “You gave me the worst covers ever, even though I asked and begged you to change them! Because you were too fucking stubborn to read the damn book or listen to anyone but yourself! And you left me all alone to present the covers I knew he would hate! And guess what? He hated them! And if I was any worse at my job, he would have eaten me for breakfast! All because you wouldn’t bloody listen to me!”

“I listened,” he crosses his toned arms. “I read through your notes and I tried! And you hated what your own notes produced!”

“Oh my god the notes?” I walk away from him, I was shaking. I take hold of the cover ripped in half and throw it by his feet. “You clearly don’t read shit if you’re saying this hideous cover was from my notes! I do my job well, and whatever this thing is, isn’t a product of my notes! It’s a product of your shitty work! And that’s exactly how O’Neil felt about it!”

He stares at the two pieces in front of him. And I don’t know how he’s still so calm, but he looks back at me with a blank face. “I’ll make new ones if he didn’t like them. I can call him personally if you want. It’s not that big of a deal at this stage!”

“Oh my god,” I whisper to the table, balancing on my clenched fists. I had moved past rage, past frustration, and into ballistic. He just didn’t get it: he was undermining my work with a client while I was trying to make a good impression for upcoming promotions, even stripped back he was a man undermining my skills as a woman, making me look like a fool while I presented his shitty work. He just didn’t get it.

“Just leave,” I say to the table because I couldn’t even look at him. “I can’t even look at you Harry just get the fuck out.”

The door opens, he hesitates, and then leaves, the door slams behind him. Only then do I go back to my seat, slide down under the table, and let the tears run freely.

This meeting, the pressure of this client, dealing with Harry and his brick wall…it was a lot but nothing I couldn’t handle. But I think seeing my ex on Saturday, reliving my past and realizing Harry giving me a hard time was an outcome of my toxic relationship. That a relationship I ended five years ago was interfering with my career today. That all men were the same…It got to me, and it just broke me.

***

I don’t plan on seeing let alone talking to Harry for the rest of the day but as I leave the office after staying later than I needed to, the lift doors open to him and him alone. He makes nervous eye contact with me, and it takes me back a little. That he was nervous seeing me. Usually he didn’t give a fuck no matter what happened between us, even bordering on snobbish and cocky.

The silence is a large presence in the small space. Since seeing him this morning, I’d cried under the table and then reapplied my makeup in the bathroom. I downed another coffee and got started on another one of my manuscripts. I could work hard as much as I cried hard.

“Y/N I’m-“

The door opening interrupts Harry which makes it ten times more awkward when someone from the third floor gets on and stands in between us. They must notice the tension because they step forward away from us, ready to bolt as soon as the doors open.

When they do, I hustle off but Harry and his damn long legs catch up. “Wait, I need to apologize.”

I glare at him but lead him out the door to our building courtyard. “Fine. Talk.”

“I am genuinely sorry. I can’t believe I let all that happen, and I don’t know why I let it get that far for something I…”

“What are you apologizing for exactly?” I ask. He was rambling, and some part of me understood what he was apologizing for, knowing what I knew from Saturday. But I wanted him to say it.

He hangs his head, “A lot. I’m sorry I didn’t have your back. I let…other things cloud my professional opinions and I didn’t support you when I should have.”

For a guy who worked with pictures all day, he wasn’t too bad with his words. But I needed more. “What ‘other things’?”

He looks at me with puppy eyes, begging me not to go there. But I wanted to, I needed to. I raise an eyebrow, he could talk.

“The past.”

“You mean other people’s opinions?” I demand clarity.

“I-sure. Yeah, just holding onto what happened in the past and I know it shouldn’t even matter anymore. We’re both adults, well you’ve been acting like one. I’ve been clinging onto the past and I know I should let it go. Even though it was…painful, I know I should put it to rest now. You could have thrown me under the bus and called me to defend my own covers but you handled it. I…thank you. And if I haven’t already said it I’m sorry.”

I don’t exactly follow him but I let my guard down a little. He didn’t need to know my past was clinging onto me, but if he could let go, maybe it would shed itself slowly.

“You owe me so hard,” I say. “Like, the weight of what you owe me indebts you for life.”

“A bit harsh,” he begins to argue but one look at my face and he puts his hands up. “Whatever you say.”

“Great, glad we’ve sorted this.” I move to shake his hand in a silly gesture of good faith. “Apology accepted by the way; thank you.”

“Great, you drive a hard bargain but...nice doing business,” he clasps my hand in his and-oh.

A warm tingle moves through my body and when I make eye contact I can’t look away. I don’t know what was happening, but I was in zero gravity and the only thing keeping me moored was the strong hand that held mine.

He drops our hands first, like he was burned. He looks down, staring at it. I’m embarrassed, and confused, so I do what I do best-confront it head on. “What the hell was that?”

The only way to describe Harry’s expression is wistful. “That wasn’t just me.”

“I think we just like, altered time and space by getting along.” I laugh it off.

“Who knew we were so powerful together,” he grins and I’m fucking floored by how much I wanted to kiss the grin off his face. I take a shaky breath in.

“Fuck,” I take another breath. “We could run this place.”

“Oh that reminds me,” he digs into his pocket for his phone and taps away until he finds what he’s looking for. “I want to change the font but I have a design to show you.”

He turns the phone towards me and I immediately love it. A warm semi-circle goes from orange to golden towards its edges, emitting a transparent glow over most of the cover. A faint moon is present on the back, and the background is an off-white.

“And the shape will actually be raised, either that or the font will be…still workshopping it but,” he scratches his head. “I re-read your notes. You don’t have the neatest writing so I might have…missed a few words. The way you write moon looks kind of like neon?”

My jaw drops, “An apology, a re-read, admitting to being wrong, and a new design?”

“Don’t get used to it,” he nudges me with his shoulder and I ignore the inner waves crashing against my beating heart. “Anyway I gotta go, meeting some friends but I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow?”

I wave goodbye and walk towards my station. What the hell was happening.

***

The office is a lot calmer now that Harry and I have called a truce. And he surprises me with this new side of him. He can still be stubborn, and a bit stuck up. But he’s more agreeable and willing to collaborate with me. And when he turns his dimpled smile at me, I can’t help but beam back. We made a bloody good team.

I sit in the conference room 8:30 sharp on Friday. I put in some more effort this morning, feeling good about everything. Harry comes in just minutes before Mr. O’Neil but we settle down after getting him a tea.

“This is the ‘marketing department’ huh?” Mr. O’Neil winks at me when Harry hands him the new cover. His eyes roam over the whole thing and I hold my breath until I hear him say it: “It’s fucking fantastic.”

“There’s nothing you want to fix?” Harry asks for feedback as I grin from ear to ear.

“My name could be bigger, you know I wrote the book.” He taps at it. “But this is it, you two.”

We chat a bit more about the final version of the book, Harry pretends to know what’s going on since he’s never read the full thing. And finally, Mr. O’Neil calls an end to the meeting to continue working on his manuscript. I walk him to the lift. When I get back to the room, Harry’s organizing the papers that had traveled across the desk.

“We did it!” I shout after I close the door. I walk towards him with both hands raised high. “He loved the cover and the manuscript is on track!”

Harry returns my high-five, but instead of the quick touch, he slips his fingers in between mine and lowers them to our sides. The mood shifts from joyous to…dangerous.

“Who would have thought,” he says to me quietly. “We make a good team.”

I keep the eye contact otherwise I would be making eyes with his lips. And I didn’t want him to know how curious I was to how that would feel. “Who knew respect was a two way street.”

“It…” he looks down at my mouth. “It is. I’m glad I left our disrespect in the past.”

“Right,” I’m barely paying attention as he moves closer to me. But then his words hits, “wait, our disrespect in the past?”

I disentangle myself so quickly he has to balance himself on the table so he doesn’t pitch forward. He blinks away the desire, leaving a puzzled look. “I’m joking…kind of. I mean, it did feel a bit disrespected but we were kids so like I said the other day I’m glad I let it go.”

“I don’t get it,” I feel an oncoming storm, and it kicks my anxiety up a notch. “I don’t get what you just said.”

“I’m just talking about that party it’s-“ he chuckles. “It’s not a big deal Y/N. Anymore. We’re both different people now right?”

“What party?” I demand.

Realizing I had actually known Harry from my first day of uni was one thing, but I didn’t remember him anywhere else. If there was a party where something happened…something that caused him to misjudge me…I needed to know.

“Like, around the end of our second year? Spring. Jared and Dru had this huge year end party? And, this is embarrassing. I don’t care anymore seriously. But Dru was being my wingman, he came up to you to tell you that-jeez saying this is more embarrassing than I thought-“

“Just say it!” I urge, feeling sick. I knew this party. It was the night my whole life changed for the worse but I don’t remember this version of events. I needed to hear this.

“Okay, so I had this massive crush on you? From that first day. When…y’know behind the shed.” Harry chuckles. “Anyway I was too nervous to ever actually ask you out I’m sure you caught me staring at you a lot. All my friends knew how much I liked you and they were sick of hearing about it. So, well Dru was convinced you weren’t my type but he agreed to check you out and ask if you wanted to give me your number?”

I listen numbly as he tells me his version of events. That Dru asked me about his flatmate Harry who had a crush on me, if I would give him my number. How I’d looked at him sweetly and then kissed Dru. My jaw is on the floor but I can’t stop him from talking.

“And it’s whatever now but it felt cruel, I was so sure you were this one person and you ended up just making out with my best friend. And…dating him. And don’t get me wrong, it was your prerogative I didn’t own you or something just because I liked you first but…when you’re 20 everything is just more personal right? Hey, are you alright?”

I wasn’t alright. My head was spinning and yet it was cataloguing everything Harry said against my own memories. And when I think harder, I pin him down; he was the one staring at us when Dru came up to me. Of course he was staring so intensely, he wanted to know if I liked him and Dru manipulated both of us. He fucked us both up.

“That’s not what happened,” I croak. “Harry you have to know I-“

“It doesn’t matter,” he laughs it off but I see the hurt in his eyes. I unknowingly hurt him, left a deep scar, because Dru had manipulated us both. Fuck Dru.

“No Harry listen, Dru is a fucking liar-“

“Okay I don’t want to shit-talk Dru.” Harry interrupts. “He’s a friend, I know you ended up dating him and breaking up but he’s still my fri-“

“Would a friend date the girl you had a massive crush on? If you were in that position, doing that for Dru? Wouldn’t you have pushed me away and feel sorry for Dru that he had to see that?”

“Yeah but Dru and I are different-“

“No! No, Dru is different. He’s not decent. Harry I’m telling you that’s not what happened on my end at the party!”

“You were probably too drunk,” Harry denies my truth. “Anyway it’s not a big deal!”

“I wasn’t drunk. I remember everything!” I insist.

“So you remember seeing me there waiting, and still kissing Dru?” He pauses and this is how I know he was still not quite over it.

“Yes, no-just listen. Dru manipulated both of us-“

“Do you remember it or not?” Harry asks again, his eyes blazing with hurt.

I touch his arm, try to get him to calm down and understand even though feeling gaslit again was driving me crazy, “Harry, Dru isn’t who you think he is.”

Harry shuts down but I try again. “Dru used both of us,”

He grabs my arm so suddenly, jerking me away so my hand falls off. He keep it gripped as he says, “Dru’s my friend, just because you had a shitty relationship doesn’t mean you can turn me against him.”

“I’m not-” I begin to panic as his grip tightens. “Oh my god, Harry please just—let go. Harry let go of me!”

I don’t realize how loud I shout, but the moment makes me feel trapped and small like I had time traveled five years back. The silence echoes my frightened emotions in the spacious room and Harry steps back, almost shocked by his reaction. He looks at where he’d grabbed me, ashamed and scared.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just got…”

“Is everything okay here?” I hear our director say as the door opens. “I heard a shout…what’s going on?”

“Sorry, we got carried away.” Harry plasters on a quick smile. I arrange my face into one too, turning to face her. We lie about celebrating too loudly, she relaxes and congratulates us on the small success before closing the door behind her once more.

“Y/N,” he chokes. “I’m sorry.”

I’m shaking so hard I can’t look at him, I was so fucking weak like this. He comes closer but I shrink away.

We stand in our aftermath in silence, I don’t know what he looks like, I can’t take my eyes off the stray red thumbtack on the carpet. If I break my focus from it, I was going to fall apart. I couldn’t freak out, not here.

Finally, I get through breathing normally, and my eyes dry up. I feel okay enough to look up. Harry’s already looking at me, his jaw set and his hands curled into fists. For a second, I think it’s because of me but when our eyes meet his gaze softens, his fingers uncurl and flex at his side.

“Did he hurt you?” He asks. When I don’t answer he takes a tentative step towards me. “Y/N. Did he hurt you?”

I swallow, my throat suddenly feels parched. “My scars aren’t on the outside, he knew better than that.”

His throat bobs up and down, his face hardening into something fearsome. I always thought Harry gave me his worst side because he had some issues with me, but seeing him look like this, I’m glad I never had this directed towards me. “Dru is…”

“Dru is a fucking narcissist,” I finally say and it’s so freeing. Carrying this around was so heavy, finally saying my truth out loud even if it’s to his friend feel good.

“He fucks people up Harry, including you-wait let me finish.” I hold out my hand when he tries to interrupt. “I only remembered you last Saturday, when you helped me through…my attack. It triggered the memory from our first day--you have to know I used to get so confused and lethargic after an anxiety attack, so I never remembered who you were. I didn’t even see your face! I looked for you a few weeks later because I remembered your jersey number but it was someone else-“

“I was kicked off the team for showing up drunk…” Harry pauses, seeming to process something but he doesn’t voice it so I take it as my cue to continue.

“I actually didn’t remember you at all from uni. I guess because I didn’t remember you from that first day, you never made a first impression on me.” I take a breath. “And as for that party, that awful party. That’s not what happened. When Dru came up to me, he told me he had a bet with his mates-you guys, that a ‘girl like me’ wouldn’t kiss him. So I thought I was helping him by proving to his mates that a girl like me might.”

With the revelation, Harry folds into the chair behind him, processing everything I’m saying. And I continue, telling him what happened that night from my end. I don’t tell him how Dru slowly began to gaslight me, manipulate and isolate me, toy with my feelings. I don’t want to tell him how much he really broke me, I just tell him what he needs to know.

Nobody speaks for a moment, and then several moments pass. He gets up in a rush, running his fingers through his hair. It had grown in the two weeks since he’d cut it and it grows volume as he runs through it again.

“He tried to convince me you were-” he cuts off. “You were high maintenance, you just wanted attention. He told me I didn’t want someone-I didn’t want endgame at 18 but…” he looks at me, crushed. A million thoughts must flicker through his mind as he looks at me for a loaded minute. “I did.”

My words are caught in my throat as I understand how he had felt. How fucking different both our lives could have gone if he was the one to approach me that night at the party.

Before I can say anything he grabs his phone and checks it, he grabs all his things in a frenzy and pauses. “I’m going to fix this Y/N, I’m gonna make it right.”

“Wait what? Harry!” I try to call him back but he moves past me. I rush to move around him, stopping him with a hand to his chest. “Harry don’t do anything crazy. C’mon, let’s just talk.”

“Y/N, there are so many times......” his jaw flexes as he swallows his words.

His hand reaches out to me but they freeze in mid-air before they reach my face. He clenches them, dropping like dead weight to his side. I almost grab them, place them where they would have gone if he had the courage to carry the action out. But he just look at me, a painful faraway look on his face. “I’m sorry.”

His long legs carry him to the door before I can speak another word. I reach for the centre console that make the windows transparent, but he’s out of view by the time I do. I rush out of the room and see him in the doorway of our director’s office. Before I can call his name again, he’s shot off and our director walks out behind him. She notices me, “Y/N. Bring me your notes on Angels--if you’re free right now. Let’s go over it while we still have the momentum.”

God the last thing I can think of doing right now is work but I have nowhere to go, no excuse to give. I get back to the desk and pick up my notes and my laptop, I breathe in and think of all my fragmented pieces reigning back into my chest. I breathe out all the confusion, I put it to the side. Then I go two doors down and present my progress like everything was fucking okay.

***

Rowan’s shows up with wine on Saturday afternoon. I’d been ignoring her calls all of Friday and Saturday because I didn’t know how to break it to her. There was so much I had to hold back from her because I’d never told her the truth about Dru. And it scared me when I thought about coming clean.

“You’re screening my calls now?” She asks, her pup in hand. She lets him down and he shoots through my flat, familiar with it from all the times I dog-sit.

“I’ve just be-I’ve been-I-” I burst out crying before I can finish that sentence. She wraps herself around me and holds me tight and I hate myself for never telling her the whole truth. She holds me until my sobs turn into sniffles.

“Got it all out?” She asks when she pulls away.

“Probably not,” I say miserably. “But come in, sorry for being a shitty friend.”

“Shut up,” she makes herself at home. Unloading the tote from her shoulder that’s filled with food. “I’m going to make you lunch and you’re going to tell me everything about Dru and Harry.”

“What?” I sit on a stool at the bar. “How do you know this is about-“

“I’m with Jared now? I have an ear to the ground!” I look at her shocked. Her and Jared were together? She answers as if she could read my mind. “Yes! Can you believe it? He asked me the morning after, if I wanted to have a serious go at all this. I was like, it took you long enough! But…anyway this isn’t about me. Tell me what happened.”

“No you tell me,” I lean over the countertop. “Did Jared say something? What happened?”

“Okay,” she puts down her ingredients and I take the moment to pick her pup up before he scratches a hole in my jeans. “So I go over to Jared’s on Friday and the house looks like it went through the war. Not like, physically. Well there were things everywhere, but the atmosphere was so dead quiet. Jared takes me to the room and we pass by Harry in the hall. Jared’s like, where are you heading are you alright? And Harry’s all like, I need to get out of here-“

“Harry was there?”

“Yeah he lives in their spare attic bedroom?” She surprises me with the information like I should have already known that. “So I ask Jared what happened when we go and he said Harry came back from work early on Friday. And y’know Jared has odd hours so he was home. And he said Harry was just like a maniac. Jared tried to talk to him but it was like he was going to kill Dru and nobody could talk him out of it. And Jared knew it was serious, because even though they’ve drifted a lot since uni Harry still acted like Dru was his best mate. Jared said…”

Rowan trails off, looking at me curiously. She had this way of telling stories that jumped from one place to another but I couldn’t handle the suspense. I nearly shout, “What?”

“Well Jared said Dru has this way of getting underneath people. He knew how they ticked and he used that against people sometimes. Apparently they used to fight a lot because of that until Jared really put his foot down…Y/N, did he do that to you? Fuck you up like that? Jared said he tried to talk to Dru once when you two were dating but Dru like, got up in his face and nearly bit his head off. He always felt like that’s why Dru and you broke up because that was like the day before you two broke up. Anyway, you never said anything but…did he?”

I swallow. I guess this was it.

Through a brave face, and then a crumbling snotty one, I tell Rowan everything. Everything Dru did, and everything he didn’t technically do. At some point she comes around to sit beside me, holding my hand, my shoulder, and finally pulling me in to hold me while I blubber about how hard it had been.

“I’m so sorry,” Rowan says gently once I quiet down. “Y/N...why did you keep all this to yourself?”

“I just-” I wipe my nose with my sleeve, not caring at this point how disgusting that was. “He took everything away from me, even my identity. I thought if I didn’t tell anybody, nobody had to know how little he reduced me down to. If I didn’t say it aloud, maybe it was only in my head.”

“Oh love,” Rowan’s bottom lip quivers.

“Don’t you dare cry or I’m going to find a whole new waterfall of my own.”

“I won’t!” Rowan laughs but tears trail silently down her face. “That piece of shite. And I...oh god and I always told you to get over it. No wonder you...”

“I always thought it was curious,” Rowan stares off into space when I only shrug. “I only remember Harry from uni because I always found him looking at you, no matter what room we were in, how many people were in there I was always like, this bloke must really like my mate an awful lot because he’s always looking! That or he was a creep. But when you started dating he-who-must-not-be-named, I never looked into it.”

“I didn’t remember him,” I tell her. “He was actually the footballer that helped me my first day. I didn’t realize until that party last weekend.”

“Shut up!” Rowan looks shocked. “That’s so cute.”

“Is it?” I hesitate, realizing Rowan still hadn’t finished her story. “Finish your story, about Dru and Harry.”

“Oh yeah,” Rowan glances to the other side of the kitchen. “I should get back to lunch too.”

She heads around, chopping the vegetables and finishes telling me what happened.

Harry:

I feel fucking on fire, I can’t sit still and the more I move the more I want to punch the living shite out of Dru.

“Just, hold on!” Jared tries to stop me for the fifth time. “What’s this all about?”

“Dru’s fucking-he’s-he’s dead!” I roar. “How did I not see it earlier Jared? That little weasel got in between me and everything I ever loved!”

“What? Har, I know he’s a dick but what did he do?”

“Everything!” I shout. “He’s the reason I showed up drunk to football, he got me kicked off the team! So she never found me! And that internship in first year, he convinced me to be young and free and turn it down! He-Jared he lied to me about her! He knew how I felt and he took her, he fucked her up! He fucked her up!”

“Wait, who is this about-” Jared tries to dig deeper but I push past him when I hear the door open. Jared’s barely taken his jacket off when I have him pushed against the wall, my arm pressed against his throat.

“Harry, mate, what’s-”

“You’re sick, you’re fucking sick for what you’ve done.” I let him go, and he gets a moment to glance from me to his brother before my fist connects with his face.

“What the fuck!” He falls to the floor, clutching his face. “What the fuck’s wrong with you!”

“You lied!” I push him back up. “You lied through your fucking teeth about everything!”

He shoves me in the chest and the narrow hallway catches me on the opposite wall. That only pumps me, I shove him back and with no more words between us we’re a tornado of fists, one to my face, another to his abdomen, his head in a lock, Jared trying to break us apart and gets clipped in the face by his brother.

By the time I have him laying flat on his back, I deliver another fist to his face, but Dru spits blood up at me and laughs. He has the fucking nerve to laugh.

“It’s got to be about a girl,” his voice is hoarse, his breath comes out shaky. “It’s about her isn’t it?”

I lift him by his shirt and crash him back down onto the floor. I vaguely hear Jared, his hand catching my fist before it hits Dru again. I get one more punch with my other hand but Jared is pulling me away from Dru’s defeated form on the ground, sitting my ass on the staircase. But Dru’s sick enough to still have an amused smile on his face.

Everywhere hurts, but I can’t even focus on my own pain when I still want to cause Dru more. Jared holds me back like he knows. Dru props himself slowly on his elbows, shaking his head.

“Did you two talk? Did she finally give you that number Styles? What did she say about me? I’m a monster, I fucked her up? She’s a manipulative bitch-”

“Shut the fuck up-” I jump up but Jared pulls me back again and his hand presses a sore spot on my ribs, I crumple on the step.

“She really did a number on you didn’t she?” Dru sits up. “She knows how to get in your head. Did she tell you I lied? She was obsessed with me Harry, she was a clingy bitch and you don’t know her-”

“I know her,” I use the banister to stand up. “I’ve been working with her since I started my new job, I know her more than you ever did. You were wrong about her. About everything, you only ever gave me shitty advice.”

It gives me satisfaction, seeing the look on Dru’s face. I’d caught him by surprise, he really never knew. “So you’re keeping secrets from me now? You’re letting her come between us?”

“I don’t owe you shite. You’re nothing to me,” I walk over to him still sitting on the ground. “Don’t you ever put her name in your fucking mouth. And if I ever see you talking to her, looking at her, you won’t be able to tell your face from your arse. I know exactly what you are, I can’t believe I was so blind this whole time...you’re fucking dead to me Dru.”

It takes a moment for Dru to focus on me, “I’ll see what happens when she breaks your heart, you won’t have me around when that happens. And it will happen, she’s a slut who’s going to-”

I’m out of body when I swing my fist at his face and it makes a sickening crunch. Dru howls in pain and I stumble back, my fist throbbing in hot flashes.

“Enough!” Jared shouts, jumping in between us. When Dru goes to say something about me Jared blocks Dru from my view. “Enough you fucking dick! Enough! You’ve done enough!”

Dru shuts up; in all the years I’d known them, Jared never raised his voice at his younger brother. I’d heard them bicker plenty, arguing behind closed doors, but Jared never shouted at him like this. The shock is enough to push me out of the fog I was in.

The pain comes to me all at once, I was pretty sure my ribs were badly bruised, and blood gushes down my cheek. My hand feels useless, like the bones had turned to dust.

“Both of you are shutting the fuck up, and getting into the car. I’m driving you both to hospital because Harry’s taken a beating and Dru your nose is broken at the least.”

“I don’t-”

“No,” Jared says calmly to his brother. “In the car. Now. Not a word out of both of you.”

“Shotgun,” Andrew says weakly. Jared throws his jacket in his face and looks back at me. I follow him silently and get into the backseat. ***

Y/N:

I knock and knock but nobody answers the door. I stare at my phone, but I didn’t even have Harry’s number. I move the bottle from one hand to the other, knocking and I take a step back when a face I wasn’t expecting answers the door. It’s Dru, his face is massively discoloured, his nose is bruised and a gash on his cheek is stuck closed with steri-strips.

His grin sends cold dread through my body.

“Looking for your lover boy?” he asks me when I go silent. I stare at his face, at everything that Harry had done and he notices. “He’s good with his hands, but I’m sure you already know that.”

“Y/N,” Jared’s voice comes from behind Dru. “Sorry I was in the shower. Are you looking for Harry?”

It was unreal, how Jared walks up to the door like Dru wasn’t even there. He steps around his brother and in front of him, as if he’d been the one to open the door. I head Dru scoff, mutter something distasteful and move back up the steps.

“Yeah,” I clear my throat when the word gets stuck. “Yeah, uhm, is he here?”

“He moved, you haven’t got his number?” I shake my head no and he texts it to me along with his new address, I have no idea how Dru had my number. He look behind him before stepping towards me, closing the door behind him.

“Y/N, I just want to say I’m sorry. The way my brother treated you, it was wrong. And I should’ve said something to him earlier, but by the time I did it was too late. And then you two broke up and...I know Dru’s younger than me but growing up the way we did...it’s not always been the easiest to stand up to him.”

“Oh,” I wasn’t expecting such a confession.

“Too little, too late—I know. Rowan...she’s not happy with me. I would never hurt her—I’m not trying to get you on my side or anything but I just want to let you know. She said she needed space and it’s made me realize how stupid I’ve been not paying attention to her earlier and...” Jared trails off when he noticed my surprised face. Jared had never said this many words to me, and I also didn’t know Rowan had asked him for space. It was touching.

“I’m talking a lot aren’t I?” He laughs, ducking his head. “You’re probably itching to get to Harry but...I just want to make sure you know I’m sorry. Truly sorry.”

“Thank you,” I say stiffly, not quite sure what to do with his apology. This was the most we ever spoke and he got vulnerable very quickly. Maybe I would speak to Rowan about this break she’s on.

We depart awkwardly and I map out Harry’s new address, it’s less than a 20 minute walk so I go on foot.

My hands nearly drop the bottle in my hand twice, slick with sweat and distracted as I turn the last corner to Harry’s street. A housing complex with a staircase leading to the top level leaves me even more winded by the time I get to the top. I knock and wait a few minutes, just when I think I’m out of luck a movement behind the door stops me from going back down the horrible stairs.

“Y/N,” Harry says from behind the crack in the door he’s opened up.

“Hiya,” I say awkwardly, waiting for the door to open the rest of the way. When it doesn’t, I continue. “Jared gave me your new address...are you free?”

“I don’t know if it’s a good time,” Harry says.

“Right,” shite. “Right, of course sorry I should’ve called. I’ll go, talk to you later. Oh wait, this bottle’s for you and...” Harry still doesn’t open the door wider than a crack so I leave it on the doorstep and scurry down the steps.

What the fuck was that?

By the time I reach home, takeout in hand, my phone lights up with a notification:

Thanks for the wine, I can’t drink it right now with the pills I’m on but maybe I’ll wait to drink it with you.

I don’t know what to say to it, I had this whole speech planned to say in person and now it’s got nowhere to go. I simply heart the message and put my phone away, confused and a little heartbroken.

***

Harry doesn’t show up to work on Monday, apparently he’s out sick. He’s also not in a Tuesday meeting and I would’ve gotten worried but my manager tells me he was working from home. He’d had an injury.

“By the way,” she tells me as I head back after the meeting. “I’m liking the cooperation between you two. I don��t know what you two did to finally get over being enemies but I owe Miriam a big thank you.”

I choke out a laugh, “We realized we’re on the same team.” And even as I say it I realize it, we were on the same team now; he knew about Dru. But I still felt unsettled that he didn’t let me in on Sunday.

I get back to work, happy with the acknowledgement and hoping it gets me somewhere with a promotion. But work is slow moving without Harry, I realize I miss working closely with him. Or popping by his desk to bother him. I take out my phone to text him but upon rereading his strangely removed text he sent on Sunday, I decide against it.

I pour myself a glass of wine as soon as I get home, putting in a load of laundry and taking the work day off. As I’m going to heat dinner, there’s a knock at my door. Somehow, I think I know who it is.

Harry, bruises fading on his face and stitches on his cheek, leans on the doorframe with a massive bouquet in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he says as soon as I open the door.

“I…” I suddenly don’t know what to say. “Do you want to come in?”

He peeks behind me, into my safe space. His expression is unreadable but I don’t know if that’s because of how nervous I am. He looks at me for a solid minute.

“I can’t,” he sighs. “I just want to give you these. And say I’m sorry. About everything. And for shooing you away on Sunday—I looked fucking grisly, I was embarassed and…yeah. I’m sorry. For everything.”

“Okay,” I say tentatively. I take the flowers from his outstretched hand. He flashes me a smile, pushing away from the wall to leave. “Wait.” I stop him from going. “Why can’t you come in? It’s not my murder house.”

“No? Is that a few doors down?”

“It’s actually in the basement if you must know.” I grin. This felt okay.

But he sighs, “I can’t come in Y/N. Not right now, okay?” He brushes back a lock of my hair back and I realize I was no longer wearing any makeup, and my sweatpants definitely had a few questionable holes. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Okay,” I whisper. I watch him hobble off.

The bouquet goes in two vases of water because they’re too big for just one. I keep them on my coffee table and I can’t stop staring at them all night long.

***

“It makes you look rugged, just hit up a few pubs with that mug and you’ll have yourself a girlfriend in no time,” a few colleagues stand around Harry in the kitchen examining his fading bruises. Even though my own floor has a kitchen, I came to his for a tea in hopes of bumping into him. I don’t think he’s noticed me yet since his back’s to me.

“Who’s telling you I need a girlfriend?” Harry laughs.

“Mate,” a few people laugh too. “You’re oozing single bachelor. You never come out to drink with us either, you’re the resident mystery man.”

“Yeah he doesn’t ever come out with us does he?”

“Maybe he does have a missus at home.”

“Not with the way him and Y/N are always going at it, those two are like an old couple. Have you heard ‘em?”

“Yeah what is it between you two?”

“Harry’s a pain to be around,” I finally say. Everyone turns towards me, and when Harry’s eyes finally meet mine there’s an inside joke there.

“I’m in pain when you’re around,” he shoots back.

“That’s because someone finally did something about your face,” I motion to his bruises.

“Oh there they go,” someone grumbles and it doesn’t take long for them to disappear.

“Hello,” I say as Harry approaches the counter. “Was that last hit too fresh?”

“My doctors say it’s healing.”

“Mmm this team of doctors you seem to have.”

He smiles at the reference to an old joke and we stand in silence until I ask him.

“And you? You alright?” I busy myself with steeping my tea, not wanting to know if he wasn’t okay with me anymore.

“Yeah, it’s an oxymoron but I got most of my healing done with some violence. Don’t recommend it but it did feel good. You?”

“Oh,” I look up. “I’m…closer to alright than I was before.”

“Anything I can do to help?” Harry briefly touches his pinky to mine. I get we can’t do anything right now in the workplace, but my sudden urge to go around the counter and hug him tightly scares me.

“You’ve already done a lot,” I link my pinky with his instead when he doesn’t move it away. “It’s just…a me thing.”

“Y/N I am sorry I-“

“Harry,” I cut him off. “It’s okay.”

“But I should’ve-“

“Stop,” I tug his pinky. “It’s neither of our faults.”

“Imagine how different everything could’ve-“

“Don’t do that either,” I pick up my tea and finally walk around to his side. “Trust me, you won’t come up for air in time if you drown yourself in that.”

He sighs. “I think I have been.” We begin walking towards his desk in silence, thinking about this last week. Even though I’m left reeling with all the new information, with the what-ifs and could-haves, I also feel like I could finally close a chapter. I had read it aloud to people I trusted and they believed me. They had my back. I felt supported and I felt stronger in the face of my past than I had in a long time.

“This is me,” Harry says outside his department. When I notice none of his team was around I motion my head towards his desk. We walk in.

“You don’t have to punish yourself y’know that?”

Harry puts his mug down on his desk and stares at me with so much sadness it makes my heart hurt. I realize on the way to his desk that’s what he had been doing, that’s why he wouldn’t let me see him. I’d done enough self-punishing, I knew it wasn’t effective at all.

“I sort of feel like I deserve it.”

“Oh Harry,” I put my mug down and finally give in to that hug. And it nearly takes my breath away when he wraps his arms around my waist, rests his head on mine. It felt so right. Dru had fucked both of us over, but we had found each other even if it was just as friends.

“I’m sorry-“ Harry chokes out before his body shudders and I squeeze him even tighter. I pray nobody walks in because I needed this as much as he did. I keep my own tears locked up tight, not prepared to ruin this morning’s makeup. I just hold him for as long as he needs.

“I should be comforting you,” Harry says, his voice a bit stuffy.

“Nah, things are getting better,” I say as he sits down. Now I’m looking down at him. His eyes are pink but it only adds to his bruised look. He takes ahold of my hand, strokes my knuckles.

“You really squeezed my broken rib,” is not what I expect him to say but he always knew how to surprise me.

“I’m so sorry,” I take a step back. “Are you okay? Did I break it again?”

“As if you could break my ribs, you’re too weak for that.”

“Who are you calling weak?” I demand. “I could flip you over now if I wanted.”

“The only flipping you’re capable of is-“ Harry holds up both fingers and I can’t stop my mouth from falling open.

“Seriously you two?” Harry’s teammate walks in on the scene, Harry flipping me off. “It’s bloody 9am.”

I laugh, and so does he. I apologize for the early morning profanity and head towards the door.

“Y/N,” Harry takes two long strides to reach me, away from his colleague who’s settling into her desk. “You forgot your drink.”

“Right,” I take it from his hands, mischief twinkling in his eye. We had inside jokes now.

“I’m okay by the way,” he says to just me. “My ribs were only bruised. I’ll see you later okay?”

I don’t even hide my smile as I walk to the lift.

***

“Y/N,” my name snaps me out of the focused state I’d been in. “Have you finally lost your mind?”

“It’s perfectly intact thank you,” I roll my eyes at Harry, leaning over my desk. “Did you want something?”

“Ehm yeah, it’s end of the day?”

I look at the time: 5:10. When did that happen. “Lost track of time.”

“I’m following you home,” Harry says as I gather my things and start walking to the lifts.

“Did you just invite yourself over?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Sort of,” he has the decency to blush. “I just want to be around…” he trails off as a few of our colleagues join us in the wait for the lift. I want him to finish his sentence so bad but we file into the lift silently and listen to the chatter going on in front of us. Harry brushes his hand against mine but when I glance at him he stares ahead. I can tell he notices me looking when his lips twitch.

I pinch his hand and he yanks it back, “Ow!”

The group quiets and turn to him. He gives an awkward smile, “pinched my finger.”

As soon as the chatter resumes he glares at me but I smile sweetly and stare ahead.

“How did I ever think you were sweet?” Harry says as he follows me out of the building and towards the station.

“I am. You force me to forget my sweet nature,” I shrug.

He bumps into me, “I think I romanticized you too much in my head. You’re really a prickly cactus.”

“Me!? A prickly cactus??” I push him playfully, not entirely forgetting the rest of his words. We part as the crowd sheppards us into the station and onto the tube. We stand side by side close to the doors. “If I’m a prickly cactus, I’m just protecting myself from assholes.”

“That’s not me.” Harry wraps his arm around my shoulder in the close quarters of the tube and my insides go liquid. “Let me in little cactus. We can protect each other.”

I look up at him as the tube rushes to its next destination, and smile. Because even though we’re joking he’s still serious. And it’s seriously sweet.

He notices me looking and raises an eyebrow, “Well?”

“Fine,” I say with a smile on my face. It falls when he presses a kiss to my forehead, my body flushing with heat.

“Good,” he whispers to me. He pulls me closer into the ring of his arms and I have to say it’s the safest tube ride I’d ever had.

***

“Here’s home,” I say once we reach my flat. The 5 minute walk to my flat was pretty silent. Harry had grabbed ahold of my hand as soon as we left the station and with my insides buzzing I couldn’t think of a single thing to talk about. Harry seemed content in the silence.

“It’s very you,” Harry comments. “That’s a lot of books. And blankets.”

My sofa had half a dozen throws and behind my sofa were stacks of books growing up from the ground; impractical but I never got around to installing shelves. Eventually I liked the way they looked and kept them on the floor.

“I’m in publishing,” I shrug. “Books are my life!”

He flicks through the top few and suddenly I’m nervous that he’s here. So much has happened. He was twenty-one, my innocent saviour on a memorably bad day. He was a thorn in my side, and then he wasn’t. He saw me for who I was, not who people said I was. I think I loved him for it. The intensity of that last emotion sends me into my room, mumbling about changing into something more comfortable.

I sit on my bed, making sure my thoughts were actually my own. This was really something I thought.

But it comes to me so easily, it’s like the drawbridge had lifted and the ship carrying all my baggage was on it’s way out. It left behind so much space and I finally saw so much so clearly. Harry and I had a boatload of twisted history, we were always in each other’s peripheral. Now he was here. In front of me. It was scary and exhilerating.

“Do you want dinner?” I ask as I walk back out in a sweatshirt and leggings.

Harry’s standing by my gallery wall, my certificates and art, and photos of loved ones all gathered above my desk.

“I remember her,” he says sadly. He points at me in a photo from a Halloween party in my second semester. It was the first time I went a whole night with zero anxiety, I loved the new friends I made. It held a special place in my heart. “Look there’s me.”

“What?” I move closer, there’s no way I’ve had a photo hanging on my wall with Harry in it for the last 3 years.

But he’s right, in the background slightly cut off is Harry with Jared and someone else I don’t know. Him and Jared are dressed as what looks like Peaky Blinders characters, he’s smiling and when I take the frame off the wall and look closer I notice he’s smiling in the direction he’s looking in and that happens to be where I’m kneeling. He had been right there and I never even knew.

“Wow,” I say. “I never recognized you there.”

Harry takes the photo from me, he stares at it for a long time.

“Dru, he told me back then I wouldn’t have wanted Endgame at 18, 19 whatever. But I don’t think I would have minded.”

“What?” My mind slows down, trying to understand.

“When he was…manipulating me. He told me I wouldn’t want someone like you. I was young! I could be free and not tied down. I didn’t want endgame at that age. But I think I did. I was just too blinded, and scared, to go for it.”

“Are you scared now?” I ask him.

“What? No.”

“So go for it now,” I point to him in the photo. “He’d be proud.”

He looks at his younger self for a moment, lost in thought, and then slowly puts the frame down. He stares at me, a million thoughts behind his eyes. He was overthinking it, I realize. I link my fingers through his belt loops and tug him towards me and it snaps him out of it. His hand cups my face gently and he finally kisses me. It’s unlike any kiss I’d ever have, I feel every emotion he’s trying to say as he presses into me. I feel every heartbeat that ached for me in the way he holds me. It’s gentle, yet passionate, and I was drunk on it.

“Wow,” I breathe when he pulls away. From the dazed look on his face I can tell he feels the same.

“I think I lo-“

I shut him up by pressing another kiss to his lips and he reacts by pushing me into the wall. When we part again I brush his hair off his forehead.

“I love you,” I say even though it makes me want to shit myself.

He freezes for a moment before closing his eyes, a smile creeping onto his lips. “That’s not fair.”

“It is,” I grin. “I said it first.”

“You stopped me from saying it first!”

“I win,” I pull him back to me but he tilts his head to the side so my lips brush his cheek instead. “Sore loser!”

“That was not fair play,” he whines again.

“Who said I play fair?” I challenge him. “I love you! I even said it to you second.”

“No wait!” I slip away from his arms and saunter away. I hear him come up from behind and he pulls my waist back so my back is flush against his chest. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

With each time, he presses a kiss into my neck and I’m jelly in his hands.

“3-5 is me,” he says as he turns me around.

“I was still first,” I say but with less conviction as I come to face him this close.

“Cheater,” he mumbles into my neck.

“I’ll break your ribs again,” I threaten but it sounds like a joke the way it comes out of my mouth.

“As long as it’s not my heart,” he says and even though it’s a joke I can hear the doubt. The past seeping into the present.

“Hey,” I push him away so we’re looking at each other. “I never would have. And I never will.”

He nods but I hold his face in my hands. His hands come up to grip my arms. “Harry, I might be a prickly cactus but you know I’d never hurt you. That wasn’t me.”

He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. “I know. And I’m not him. You’re the air in my lungs Y/N, if I can have you, I’ll never let you go.”

“You have me,” I swear.

This time the kiss is slower, a promise to each other, to stay tender. We move that way into the bedroom, under the covers. He’s perfect. His hands roam every inch, and then his lips. By the time his hands grasp mine in the sheets, I’m blissed out of my mind. But he takes his time and I savour it, even when he whispers about forever.

***

Harry:

“Something’s changed.” O’Neil states in the middle of our last meeting with him. “You two are calmer together. Have you finally slept together?”

Y/N’s cheeks burn with embarassment but before she can speak I laugh, “we finally figured things out.”

“Good.” He nods. “I like you two together. Even though you didn’t read my book.”

Now I turn red and Y/N barks a laugh. This makes O’Neil grin and Y/N kicks me under the table.

“He’s very good at reading notes,” she says, gloating that someone other than herself has finally called me out. “Unless you write moon, then it’s neon.”

“It’s all good,” O’Neil claps my shoulder as he stands. “You did my book justice. I know she’s the one that deserves the credit but you two are finally a team. Stay that way.”

“We plan to,” Y/N says. I stand with her as we see the author out of the final meeting. He shuts me up when I try to apologize and tells me privately to hold her close. I intend to.

“That was a success,” Y/N says as we tidy up the meeting room. “The book’s on shelves in four weeks and we made that happen.”

“We did,” I can’t help but lean over and plant a kiss on her cheek. I loved when she got flustered at work.

We thought nobody had noticed the change in us at work until last week when our manager asked if we had gone to HR yet. That was an awkward conversation but she didn’t seem too bothered so we’d made the trip to make our relationship work-official. Y/N and I had been spending a lot of time in her flat, wrapped in each other. Sometimes we went out with Jared and Rowan, and Rowan threatened me many times to be good to her. I told her to do the same with Jared.

After everything with Dru, Jared moved out as well because Rowan wouldn’t date him if she had to see Dru around every time she went over. I wasn’t sure what Dru was up to but I know Jared got lonely sometimes. I could never understand their relationship but I was happy to see him with Rowan, they were good for each other.

“What are you thinking about?” Y/N snaps me out of my thoughts.

“Stuff,” I say.

“Sounds juicy,” she teases.

“Might be,” I walk over to her, unable to keep my hands off of her. It was a problem at work since we tried to stay as professional as possible but here in the blacked out room I took the risk.

“Tell me more,” her eyes are glued to my lips as I lean into the table, towering over her.

I draw her into a deep kiss, her hands tangling in my hair which usually tips me over the edge. She knows it. She knows I know she knows it. So I step away instead and her sweet smile vanishes.

“Come back,” she reaches for me.

“I’ll see you at home,” I peck her on the lips and grab my laptop.

“Not fair!” She says after me.

“I’ve got a meeting and you,” I grin. “Have to learn to play fair.”

“You’ll regret this,” she crosses her arms, trying to look menacing.

“You look cute when you don’t get your way,” I say before opening the door and shifting into work mode again. “Great meeting!” I shout back as I leave the room. I wouldn’t see her until the end of the day and with her mounting frustration at me, I couldn’t wait for 5pm to come around.

#harry styles #harry styles fic #harry styles x reader #harry styles series #office!harry #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles imagine #endgame #fic #writingsfromhome #harrystylesxreader #happy these two found their way back to each other #and happy i found my way back to my fics #😅#enemies to lovers #College!Harry #it got so loooong

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