You know how after a grocery shopping trip you're so exhausted in every sense of the word that you wish you could lie down in the middle of a forest and become one with the moss for a while?
god, how i hate having lupus. everyone thinks im fucking helpless, and they underestimate me. and it fucking sucks because normally they're right. on certain days i physically can't participate in my hobbies bec i'm in horrible pain. because of it, people just think im lazy and disgusting. i can never win. i can't do anything right, i don't know why i thought i ever could.
I was diagnosed with amplified musculoskeletal pain syndrome when I was 15, I had been in pain every day since I was 13. I was diagnosed with functional neurological syndrome and chronic regional pain syndrome shortly after the amps diagnosis.
I was diagnosed with post orthostatic tachycardia syndrome at 16, almost 17 in a few weeks. A day later it was confirmed that I deal with chronic fatigue and extreme brain fog.
I'm going under testing to determine if I have Hypermobility Ehlers Dohlers syndrome, as well as mast cell activation syndrome.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't surrounded by the diagnostic process and wish I didn't have to battle to get diagnosed in the first place.
But then, I sit back and realize that I'm not defined by my diagnoses. I am so much more than my disorder, than my disease.
I am creative, and intelligent.
Compassionate and kind.
Resilient and optimistic.
Beautiful and wise.
When you let yourself be defined by your diagnosis, that's when you lose the battle to it.
Something I’ve noticed as I navigate living with chronic illness and connecting with others who are on the same path, nobody really speaks about the guilt that comes with chronic illness. I know in my own life I certainly have felt guilty for being sick and not being able to do the things I used to be able to do with and for myself and my family. My chronic illness is debilitating, which means…
I'm in the process of switching GPs because I'm not happy with the old one, and I had my first appointment with the new one today. After I told them my medical history, they looked at me and said: "How on earth do you manage to work 40 hours a week?
I almost started bawling then and there. First appointment and I already feel like a medical professional finally understands how much of a burden it is to be neurodivergent, have three chronic pain illnesses with lots of symptoms besides only pain, plus all the other chronic shit that I have, and yet have to function like a neurotypical, perfectly healthy human being.
I have a physical next week so we have a baseline to work off of (blood tests, EKG, etc.), but the new GP is already sure that they want me to go to pain rehab to get a condensed, comprehensive picture of my overall health, because only then will I be able to get the proper treatment and also go to the state relief organization to apply for a higher disability rank—which, best case scenario, might make me eligible for financial help from the state so that I wouldn't have to work that much anymore.
I know that all of this won't happen overnight, especially since I started a new job in May and won't be able to take time off for rehab until December (at the earliest), but the thought alone that here there is a doctor who is actively trying to help me, instead of just passively issuing pain meds to me, feels like a huge relief!
aaaugh my pain is so bad with this weather that even an old surgery site from literally YEARS AGO is hurting again???
like the whole area outside and inside where the work was done hurts, does this happen to anyone else or is there something wrong and maybe it’s not the weather????? :(((