#but I’m gonna be normal about it now I promise <3
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Wait for your love Pt 3
summary: you wait in silence, waiting for wonwoo to finally love you
inspired by Ariana Grande's We Can't be Friends (AKA Wait for your love)
a/n: as promised the final part of wait for your love :D literally just finished it. Enjoy 💞
Don’t wanna feed this monstrous fire
On a bright Saturday morning, you found yourself nestled in a booth opposite Chan. A week into your move, Chan was finally able to convince you to join him at a nearby cafe for lunch. He insisted that this cafe was “hidden” and such a “hole in the wall” that someone cool like you-know-who would never step within 5 feet of the place.
Chan sipped his ice americano silently, thinking of the best way of approaching the topic of you-know-who. He was becoming increasingly concerned about your maladaptive habits: barely eating meals, sleeping less than 4 hours each night and studying every waking moment. That wasn’t even the scariest part, the scariest was when he’d catch you staring into space, as if your soul had left your body.
You were too busy admiring at your iced latte to notice a familiar figure walking pass the window adjacent to your table.
Chan, however, immediately noticed his tall friend. He prayed to all the gods that his friend was too tall to see anybody. Sadly his prayer went unanswered
Kim Mingyu immediately doubled back when he noticed his two friends sitting by the window. His eyes met Chan’s. Chan tilted his head towards you and shook his head.
Now to any normal person, that would have meant do not come over.
Clearly, Mingyu was anything but normal.
“Y/n! Dino!”
Mingyu’s voice pulled you out of the staring contest you were having with your latte. You looked up to find the tall man sliding himself into the booth, shoulder to shoulder with Dino. The massive grin on his face almost blinding you.
Dino nudged Mingyu hard on the shoulder. “Bro, what are you doing here?”
Here being halfway across town from where Mingyu lived.
“Basketball!” Mingyu beamed at the younger man, “I’m meeting the others at a court nearby! Won- FUCK!”
Chan dug his heel into Mingyu’s toe, keeping a smile on his face.
You jumped, startled by Mingyu’s sudden outburst. “Are you alright?”
“Dino just-,”
“He just hit is knee on the table,” Chan gave Mingyu a warning look as he pushed his foot down harder. “Long legs can be such a curse huh, bro?”
Mingyu pulled his foot away and glared at Chan.
You blinked at the odd behaviour from your friends.
Your eyes met Mingyu’s, you sent him a small smile before returning to stare at your latte.
Mingyu noticed the stark contrast from your usual bubbly self. From memory, you were the girl who offered him a cup of coffee when he dragged Wonwoo’s drunk ass home at 5AM in the morning. Mingyu remembered you pestering him to send you a text when he got home so that you would know he was safe. You, who was barely his shoulder height, were worried for a tall, muscular boy like him.
Mingyu looked at Chan and gestured towards the door. Chan nodded.
“Sorry y/n, I’m just gonna talk to Gyu about something.” Chan spoke gently.
“Male stuff.” Mingyu nodded as he slid out of the seat.
They were both pretty sure your soul wasn’t even in your body at the moment from how you blankly nodded.
Mingyu and Chan stood outside the cafe, making sure not to be in your line of sight.
Mingyu crossed his arms. “What happened?”
“You don’t know? Wonwoo didn’t tell you?”
“I’m seeing him for the first time today.” Mingyu explained. “He’s been refusing to leave the house.”
“He busy fucking other girls?” Chan sneered.
“I-,” Mingyu stopped, taken aback. “What?”
“Bro. Come on.”
“I genuinely have no idea what you are talking about.” Mingyu said as he held his hands up.
Chan stared at the taller man for a few seconds and sighed.
“Don’t tell anybody what I’m about to tell you.”
As you sat waiting for Chan, droplets of water began appearing on the table.
You furrowed your brows.
Was the ceiling leaking?
You looked up only to feel tears rolling down your cheeks.
You brought you hand up to your face.
Ah, you were crying.
The tears continued. Just like your memories of Wonwoo.
“God,” You muttered, reaching for a bunch of tissues. “I’m pathetic.”
“Why can’t it be me?” You whispered as sobs started leaving your mouth.
“Why am I so unlovable?”
You tried to be as silent as possible, covering your face with your hands.
That’s how Chan found you when he came back.
He quickly guided you home. Hoping to hell that Wonwoo would stub his toe against a particular hard piece of furniture.
Me and my truth (again)
Wonwoo watched Vernon argue with Soonyoung as they threw the ball back and forth, Jeonghan stood in between the two of them mediating the argument. He wasn’t sure what they were arguing about, for all he cared they could plotting a bank robbery.
He brought his eyes down to this palms. A small smile on his face as he remembered the first time you held his hand.
The two of you were rushing to catch the train. Back then he was still around your height and you were still much faster than him. He lagged behind you, huffing and puffing as you ran ahead. He stopped to catch his breath, bending over and placing his hands on his knees.
You had turned back to check on him. Once you were sure he was fine, you grabbed his hand and pulled him into another sprint. Flashing him a grin.
For the rest of the day his face was burning hot. When you asked him about it, he just blamed it on his poor stamina. He didn’t want to be that loser that got flustered when a girl touched him. He was. But at least he hoped he didn’t seem that way to you.
“JEON WONWOO!”
A red-faced Mingyu was storming towards him.
Mingyu grabbed Wonwoo by the collar and lifted him up from his sitting position.
Wonwoo blinked, “What-,”
“The fuck is wrong with you?” Mingyu snarled. “I thought you were in love with y/n?”
“I am! What on earth-,”
“Then why’d you sleep with another girl?” Mingyu bellowed, tightening his grip on Wonwoo’s collar.
Audible gasps could be heard from Soonyoung and Vernon as they abandoned their argument. Jeonghan’s eyes were as wide as saucers.
Not waiting for a reply, Mingyu pushed Wonwoo to the ground.
“It didn’t mean anything.” Wonwoo retorted, adjusting his glasses.
“Not to y/n it didn’t!” Mingyu fumed.
“I wanted to talk to her about it! She left before I could!” Wonwoo reasoned from his position on the ground.
“Did you ever try to reach her? Try to find her?” Mingyu fumed, “No! All you’ve been doing is rot at home while she’s crying everyday at Chan’s place!”
Wonwoo mouth fell open. You were crying?
“Mingyu that’s enough.” Jeonghan placed a hand on Mingyu’s shoulder, he had to stop this before it turned into a full blown fight.
“You better fix yourself,” Mingyu pointed a shaky finger at Wonwoo, “before you completely lose her.”
I’m still here hanging
After the event at the cafe, you decided you weren’t ready to leave the house. Or your room for that matter.
You gave Chan free reign over your door. He’d pop his head in and out of your room, sometimes leaving the door open even if all you were doing was lying on the floor. Chan would bring food into your room, trying to coax you into eating even if all you could manage was one or two spoonfuls.
Minghao came over more often, bringing with his snacks from China and various tea leaves.
“Let’s do some therapy!”
“What?”
“I read this thing online,” Minghao started, “it’s you burn all the stuff you have that reminds you of the person causing you pain.”
You stared at him like he’d grown a second head.
“According to Reddit, it works.” Minghao crossed his arms and nodded. He would do anything to try to get you to leave your room.
“Firstly, I’m not into trusting strangers on Reddit.” You turned back to the ceiling. “Secondly, burning things and the environment are a no-no for me.”
“Well, good to know you love the environment.” Minghao muttered as he sipped his tea.
A loud knock came from the front door.
“Were you expecting someone?” Minghao asked.
“No, you?”
“No.”
It was a relatively safe neighbourhood, but you never knew who would want to rob poor Lee Chan and his collection of electric shavers in the bathroom. Minghao picked up a frying pan and headed to the door.
“Who is it?” Minghao sang.
Hearing no answer, Minghao held up the frying pan with one hand and swung the door open with the other. He came face to face with Jeon Wonwoo.
Wonwoo eyes were wide. “Hao?”
Minghao didn’t lower the pan, maybe he should whack the boy. Sure, Chan’s collections of razors were safe, but you weren’t.
“I come in peace I swear.” Wonwoo held up his hand.
“Debatable.” Minghao muttered, “Why are you here?”
“Is y/n here?” Wonwoo got straight to the point.
“What if she is?”
“I just need to talk to her.”
“Don’t you think you’ve done enough?” Minghao crossed his arms.
“Please,” Wonwoo was not above begging when it came to you. “If you’d just let me explain to her-,”
“Hao?” Wonwoo’s ears immediately perked up at your voice. “Who is it?”
“Please.” Wonwoo whispered.
Minghao stared at Wonwoo for what seemed like ages before letting out a sigh.
“30 minutes.”
“Thank you!” Wonwoo’s lips stretched into a grin.
“But if I hear anything I don’t like, I’m coming straight back in with this pan.”
It’s something like a daydream
“Hao?”
You sat up when you didn’t hear a reply from your friend. Was he murdered by the robbers? You knew Chan’s collection of razors were well sought after but you didn’t expect people were willing to kill for it.
Wrapping yourself up in a blanket, you stepped out of your room.
“Hao?” You called out again, making your way towards the living room.
Instead of Minghao, there was a familiar boy in the living room.
You froze.
“Wonwoo.” You whispered.
“Y/n.” Wonwoo breathed.
You were both relieved and anxious. Relieved because it wasn’t some random stranger, anxious because it was Wonwoo.
You cleared your throat. “Where’s Hao?”
“In the hallway,” Wonwoo answered.
“Oh.”
“Can we talk?” Wonwoo said, sounding almost hopeful.
“Sure.”
You made no move to the couch or towards him. You remained standing in the hallway. Partially because you didn’t expect him to stay long, partially because you didn’t trust yourself not to burst into tears.
Wonwoo’s shoulders fell when he realised you were just going to stand there. Just a year ago he was able to anticipate your every want and need. It was shameful that now he couldn’t get a read on what you were thinking or feeling.
Wonwoo took a deep breath and began.
“I’m sorry for treating you the way I did. You shouldn’t have to come and pick me up when I’m drunk at a party.” He paused and waited for your reply.
When nothing came he continued. “I’m so sorry for not speaking to you at home or in school. It wasn’t my intention to hurt your feelings. I just didn’t know how to face you after-,” Wonwoo’s face turned red. “-after kissing you.”
“The night that I brought a girl home.”
You stiffened.
“I swear I wasn’t in my right mind. I was drunk and I don’t remember anything from the night before. I promise it didn’t mean anything, I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings.”
Wonwoo eyes searched your face, “Please, y/n, you have to believe me.”
After a long period of silence, you finally spoke.
“It’s fine Wonwoo, you don’t have to apologise.”
Your voice was devoid of emotion.
It wasn’t Wonwoo’s fault you couldn’t control your feelings. You were just unlucky to have fallen for him.
Wonwoo blinked.
“If that’s all you came to say,” You forced a smile before turning back towards your room. “I’m really tired so if you could please leave.”
“No, wait!” Wonwoo closed the distance between the two of you.
He grabbed your hand and pulled you towards him. You were so shocked you dropped your blanket to the ground. You were basically nose to nose with Wonwoo right now.
“Please.” He begged, “Please come back home.”
“Wonwoo,” You whispered, tears threatening to slip out of your eyes. “I don’t think I can live with you anymore.”
The way he was holding you, the way he was speaking to you. The false hope that grew in your heart every time Wonwoo gave you the time of day. This was the reason why you couldn’t live with him anymore.
It hurts to know he would never love you the way you loved him.
It hurts to know you would never be enough for him.
“Wonwoo-,” your voice broke, fresh tears started rolling down your cheeks.
“Y/n, please,” Wonwoo begged, “tell me what I can do to make you come home.”
“Wonwoo, I-,”
“Please, y/n.”
“I can’t go with you because I’m in love with you.”
“I-,” Wonwoo paused, “What?”
“I know you don’t see me that way and that’s completely fine.” You blubbered, “Just please don’t make me live with you. I can’t go through that again-,”
Wonwoo kissed you. Completely sober this time.
He pulled back to look at you.
Your eyes were wide, still sniffling from crying.
“I love you too.” He said, resting his forehead on yours as he stared into your eyes.
This was the best day of his life.
“What?” You whispered in disbelief, was this some sort of cruel joke?
“Been in love with you since the day you sat with me in school.” He confirmed.
“But Wonwoo, that was the first day you met me.” You said softly, as Wonwoo used his thumb to wipe away your tears.
“I guess it is.” He whispered. “I’ve loved you since day one.”
“Are you kidding me?” You said in mock annoyance. “If you had told me sooner, we wouldn’t have to go through all this.”
Wonwoo didn’t really care about all that, right now he was just happy to have you in his arms again, the fact that you loved him back made the moment all so much sweeter.
“I can tell you again.” Wonwoo suggested with a nod.
He began peppering kisses all over your face. With each kiss he’d stare into your eyes and very seriously say “I love you” before moving onto another site.
You giggled at Wonwoo’s silly antiques.
When he had finally decided you had enough of his love, he tried again.
“Please come home.”
You eyed him hesitantly.
“Y/n, I will personally pack all your stuff up here and bring it over. I’m not taking no for an answer.”
You gave him a real genuine smile. “Of course I’ll move back with you.”
Wonwoo’s face lit up, he looked like a kid who’s Christmas came early.
“Ok guys, I’m coming back in!” Minghao’s voice came from the other side of the door. “I swear if you guys are doing any hanky panky in there you two better stop it!”
You and Wonwoo exchanged amused looks before bursting out into laughter.
Wonwoo vowed to spend the rest of his life making up for all that he had done and for all the time you two had lost. He thanked whoever or whatever made you sit next to him that fateful day in high school. Most of all he’d spend his days showering you with love and affection until you physically and mentally couldn’t stand it anymore.
a/n: hope it wasn't too bad, was rushing cause i want to sleep soon. always open to comments and criticism!! 💗
#jeon wonwoo#wonu#seventeen wonwoo#seventeen jeon wonwoo#seventeen wonu#svt wonwoo#svt jeon wonwoo#svt wonu#wonwoo#wonwoo fic#wonu fic#wonwoo x reader#wonwoo x y/n#wonwoo x you#wonu x reader#wonu x y/n#wonwoo fluff#wonwoo angst#jeon wonu#svt fanfic#svt fic#svt x reader#svt fluff#seventeen#svt#seventeen fic#svt imagines#seventeen x reader#seventeen imagines#seventeen fluff
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he’s an alien and also an angel and also a robot, he’s incredibly competent but also the most silliest man you will ever meet, he’s 1000000 years old and he’s the #1 baby girl, he believes in pacifism and kindness above all even when his life constantly begs for violence and death. I didn’t say his name, but you thought of him—
#ok sorry SORRY I’m going to be normal now#sometimes I remember Trigun exists and I go off the rails a little bit#but I’m gonna be normal about it now I promise <3#stick ur hand into my enclosure I won’t bite i PWOMISE 🥺
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Earth 42!Miles x Reader
The buzzing of the drill was soon drowned out by the shattering glass.
Summary: After a talk with Miles, reader finds herself at the nail salon. She was treating herself, just as he had requested. But that self care day soon turns into much more. Part 1. Here
Warnings: A little angst? Violence | Cursing | Some spice I suppose. | I’m gonna warn y’all now, I do not speak Spanish fluently at all, so if anything is wrong grammatically please correct me. | I’m actually thinking of making this into a mini series? Maybe a part. 3 after this. Also! Open to some title ideas.
Miles kept his promise. He sent her money to get her nails done. Which is why now she sat in her usual salon, her friend Roxanne drilling at her nails. The salon was hidden deep within the city, a little hole in the wall. With New York in shambles, people had to find some sort of way to feel normal. “What design are we doing this time Y/N? Freestyle again?” Y/N shook her head at her pink haired friend, causing her Roxy to smirk. “Oh, I see. What’s the idea then?”
“Was thinking of doing purple and black. Maybe a little green.” Those were Miles signature colors. His prowler costume consisted of different shades of purple and black, and she was sure her friend could come up with something good. “Hm, that’s new. Alright whatever you say.” Roxy gave a fond smile before getting to work. As she did so, Y/N found herself pondering on what to do after getting her nails done. Maybe go get some food, check on a few friends, avoid the crooks on every street. Possibly invite Miles over for a late night rendezvous. She sighed at the thought. She was completely smitten with the guy.
As time went by, and Roxy made quick progress, a low rumble began to stir beneath their feet. Followed by the loud roar of an engine. She traded a look with Roxy, who had a brow raised in suspicion. “You feel that too?” She questioned as the drill buzzed just above Y/Ns nail. “Yeah, what the hell is that?” She replied to the woman with dyed hair. It wasn’t just the two who noticed. Most people within the nail salon glanced around, concerned and confused by the sudden rumbling. The same rumbling that suddenly stopped. “Maybe it’s construction.” Roxy chimed, doing her best to stay optimistic. Then she got right back to work. The drill buzzed, shaving down the black base of the nail. “What’s got you so preppy? You still with that guy?” Y/N flushed at the question, her gaze averting from Roxy’s. “Yeah, we’re still together. He’s a really good guy, just really busy.” She fawned. “That’s good, glad you’re doing well girl. Was getting worried about you after the whole..” Roxy’s voice trailed off, and Y/N took this as a chance to cut in, “I’m fine Rox, he makes me feel happy. I promise.” She gave her a look of confirmation and Roxanne only nodded.
The atmosphere of the salon was pleasant, relaxing. She found herself spacing out, her eyes focusing in on nothing too important while she lightly bopped her head to the music playing in the background. Then the rumbling returned, and much louder this time around. It sounded close, too close for comfort. Following the noise, her eyes landed on an incoming cop car. She could barely make out the sparking metal of the rim where the missing tire was before the car skidded onto the it’s side and tumbled into the big front window of the salon. The crashing of glass filled the shop, along with the blaring siren and tumbling debris. Y/N ducked down at the sight of the crash, pulling Roxy along with her as the broken down car came to a slow stop in the middle of the salon.
Amidst the carnage, she could faintly make out the crumpled figure of a cop within the drivers seat. She had no clue who the guy was. In fact, she had no clue what was even going on. All she knew was the salon was in utter ruins, and the car was spilling oil into a large puddle beneath it. She felt overwhelmed by the sight. By the sirens ringing in her ears, by the smoke rising from the cars engine. “Holy fuck..Rox we gotta get out of here!” She half whispered half shouted. Her hand found Roxy’s, giving it a light tug as she led the shell shocked woman to the wide opening left by the car. “Hurry up girl..! I’m not trying to die here..” She almost hissed. As they made their way past the wrecked car, the smoke from the debris and vehicle flooded their lungs. Roxy began to cough, heavy and intense. This would’ve caught her attention if the incoming villain didn’t. He was large, bulky, and clad in dark angular armor. His aura oozed superiority, while his hardly visible eyes were stuck on the cop unconscious in the car. It would seem the armored man had a target. With this new found knowledge (assumption), she made haste towards the exit, somehow managing to slither out without catching the attention of the man in armor. “Rox..we gotta get out of here man. Before that big dude spots us..” She muttered as they hid behind large pieces of debris. Her eyes took a glance over the fallen pieces of building, the sight of the man approaching the car bringing a sort of relief to her. “What are you talking about Y/N? We can’t leave that cop in there. That guy will kill him..!” Y/Ns jaw slacked, shocked by her friends desire to rush into danger. “The hell are you talking about? We’ll be squashed like bugs if we go in there..” She found Roxy’s arm, and have it a harsh squeeze as she tried to get the woman to stay back. Though it would seem to be pointless. Roxy was already slipping away and sneaking her way back into the building.
Y/Ns hands found her hair. Her fingers tugged at the root as she watched frantically as her friend entered the building once more. “What the hell am I supposed to do. I can’t fight that dude he’s fucking huge..and I’ll be caught if I-“ She paused mid sentence as she came to a realization. And soon she was dialing Miles’ number, hoping that the fool would answer his phone.
“Please pick up..please..fuck.” Click, “Yeah, what’s up ma?”
“Oh thank fuck-“ A breath of relief left her now chapped lips, she had never been so thankful to hear his voice. “Miles, baby, you need to come quick!.. I was getting my nails done and then a cop car bursted through the damn window..now some big armor dude is about to kill him and my friend is trying to be a hero tryna save him..” Her words were quick, breathy, and frantic. And Miles immediately took notice of this. “Im..im at my usual place. Need you to hurry.” She whispered into the phone as she attempted to peek over to the scene that was unfolding.
“I’m on my way now.” Was all she received from her boyfriend. She wanted to respond, truly. But her tongue was tied, and her friend was about to be fighting for her life. Roxy had managed to get the cop out of the car, now dragging him out as quickly as she could, slippery streams of oil leaving a trail behind. “Cmon Rox..” She had long forgotten about her phone, and found herself at a crossroads. Should she help, be the good person she was raised to be? Or should she sit there and do nothing? She gulped, her hand visibly shaking around her phone as she mentally began to hype herself up. She had no clue what the rhino was doing this in the middle of the day, or any clue why he was only after the cop. But what she did know was that her friend was in danger. “Y/N? What’re you about to do?” She heard from the other side of the line. However, she didn’t reply. Instead she rushed over, still crouched down behind rubble as she made her way inside. “Rox! Rox..cmon grab his heavy ass and let’s get the hell out of here.” She cursed out as she found the man’s arm and tugged him away from the car, he was much more heavy than she had anticipated. “Thank you Y/N.” Roxy replied before tugging at the cops other arm. They worked to pull him out as quickly as possible, but the rhino took notice of this. His hard glare turned deadly, and he visibly uttered something inaudible to the panicking woman. “Hurry! Hurry!”
He growled, his head lowering as he changed positions. At first, she wasn’t sure what he was doing, and then she realized. He was charging, at them.
She dropped the cops arm and attempted to pull Roxanne off of the cop, her movements quick and frantic. And she almost budged, but it would seem as though shock had gotten to her, her grip unbreakable. “Roxy cmon!” She screamed, shrill with panic. They were going to die. They were going to die in a broke down nail salon because her friend wanted to save a cop. Y/Ns eyes slammed shut as she waited for the inevitable. Her breath caught in her throat at the incoming impact, but it never came. Instead the crash of another vehicle caused her ears to ring, followed by large hands shaking her out of her fear. “Hey. Hey you okay? Talk to me!” Her eyes shot open, her hands coming up to wrap around the figures wrists. “M- Mil- prowler.” She was absolutely relieved to see him, to hear that robotic filter on his voice as she stared at his mask. “I’m..okay..where’s uhm.” She took a moment, swallowing as she gathered herself. Her heart was still pounding in her chest, and her body was shaking with unease. She swallowed, spit wetting her dry mouth. Quickly she collected herself. “Roxy, where’s Roxy? And that cop?”
“They’re fine, but we gotta go before that dude wakes up. Cmon.” He said as he turned around and pulled her onto his back. She didn’t bother arguing, she didn’t have the energy. Somehow, Miles managed to drag all three of them out of the crash sight and far enough out of harms way. It was a dingy alley way, trash and other none-sense tossed around. Y/N was still resting on his back, her cheek pressed against his shoulder as her arms wrapped around his neck. “Thought I was gonna die back there.” She uttered the words, but he heard them loud and clear. “Nah, I would never let that happen. You know that mami. I called the cops for your friend and that man. You’re coming home with me.” He wasn’t asking, he was telling, and she was perfectly fine with that.
-
Miles slipped into his apartment through the window, and trudged inside. He tossed his metal gauntlet onto the floor, his hands free to lay her onto his bed. The plush mattress underneath her body managing to relax her muscles. Miles didn’t join her in bed immediately. Instead he was packing his suit up along with his gauntlets, before stepping back over. Now in a simple black tank top and sweats. His gaze was soft, solemn even. His hand found a strand of her hair, fiddling with it as he watched her cautiously. “Wanna go clean up? I can start a bath or shower for you..” He asked as he took a seat on the bed beside her.
“Yeah, all this damn dust and sweat is gonna make me look a hot mess.” He gave a small chuckle at her joke, though he wasn’t all to amused by the entire situation. He figured it was best to get her comfortable before talking about anything. “Ight. Cmon then ma.” His hands went under her body, picking her up princess style and bringing her over to the bathroom. “I’ll bring you a towel and wash cloth, just gimme a sec.” He gently set her down, his hand lingering on her arm before he left only to briefly return.
“I left some clothes for you on the counter.” He mentioned before placing a kiss upon her forehead and departing from the restroom. She smiled, thankful for his presence. And soon she hopped in the shower. It was relaxing, the hot water pattering gently across her skin. The feeling of cleanliness as she washed the remainders of the day away.
Eventually, she was hopping out of the shower and putting the clothes he had given her on. It wasn’t anything special. Just a pair of his shorts and a shirt, but it felt special to her. Y/N made her way through Miles (Rio’s) apartment, finding her way into the kitchen to snatch up a few snacks. Thankfully Mrs. Morales was fast asleep in her room, so she went without questioning. Y/N made her way back to Miles’ room, entering and shutting the door behind her. His room was mature, calm colors, basic necessities. The usual stuff. Plus his punching bag that she played with on the occasion. From the windows opening, she could see the moons light shining through. She was a bit surprised to see how dark it had gotten. But, she had no issue with it. Not when she was still alive. She gave Miles a faint smile, “Don’t think I’ve ever been so thankful for a shower.” She chimed jokingly as she set the snacks down onto the bedside table. Then she plopped back down on his bed and wrapped herself up in his blanket. Miles was currently standing in front of his closet, fiddling with a glove from his suit as though he was contemplating something. This caught her attention. Sitting up, she sighed. “So, how exactly did you beat that guy?” She inquired, which caused his eyes to meet hers.
“Threw my motorcycle at him. Knocked him down long enough to get you out.” He said before tossing his glove onto his desk chair and making his way over to the bed. Her jaw was wide at his explanation, surprised at his confession. “Your motorcycle? Are you serious babe? That’s fucking crazy.” He only smirked as his hands intruded the blanket and his arms wrapped firmly around her torso. “I’ll just make another one with Unc.” His weight caused her to fall back on his bed, her head now snug in his pillow. His arms felt comforting around her as his head rested on her chest, his soft breaths managing to calm her down. Her hands found his hair, now fiddling with the ends of his braids. Sure, it wasn’t her first time seeing them, but she certainly thought the style suited him well. “I like them, they’re cute.” She said, which caused him to shift and rest his chin on her chest. He had a satisfied look on his face, one only a victor would wear.
“Knew you did. Mom thought they made me look weird, but eh, I think I like them.”
“Good, they suit you.” She nodded in agreement. They sat in silence for a moment, watching each other with gentle eyes. Her hands scratched lightly at his scalp, managing to make his eyes shut. It would seem that the only time Miles could truly allow himself to feel vulnerable, was around her. After a few minutes of pleasant silence, Miles spoke again, his tone much more serious. “Me dejaste preocupado mami..” He muttered, his words muffled as he burried his face back into her chest. This made her heart ache, her brows knitting with concern. “Mi vida, I’m okay now. You saved me..and my friend. Thank you.” He shook his head. “Next time you run. Call me, I’ll help your little friends. For now though, you’re my main priority.” He proclaimed before sitting up from her chest and leaning up to kiss her lips. “I’m serious Y/N. You run.” He spoke against her lips.
“Okay..” She mumbled, her eyes shut and her hands resting on his jaw. Her lips grazed his, the distance growing tantalizingly close. And finally he pressed back into her, lips meshing into hers as his hands traversed her sides. “So glad you’re okay..” He said in a hushed manner as he poured his love into every movement. His kisses slowly began to lower, finding her neck, then her collar bone, and- she hissed. Wincing beneath him, her body tensed and he froze. His hard stare lingered on her, awaiting a sign to stop or continue. “Sorry, think I got a bruise or something. You can keep going Miles.” He didn’t. Not there.
His hands found her legs, now pulling her thighs apart just enough to get closer to her. Her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, the anticipation of what’s to happen making her giddy with excitement. “Relajate, Y/N. You’re tired and need to rest.” He said as he shifted them around, the two of them now lying on their sides wrapped in one another’s arms. This caused her to sigh, a frown on her face as she glared up at him. “Don’t look at me like that. You just went through a lot, don’t want you hurting yourself more.” He said as he tugged the blanket over their forms.
“Next time don’t start it if you’re not gonna finish it Miles.” She scoffed before scooting into his chest, his familiar scent drawing a small grin from her. “Who said I wouldn’t finish it mami? Just letting you get better first.” She could feel him smirk against her head as he rested his face against the crown of it. His words were enough to silence her, along with the sudden depletion of adrenaline. The two snuggled together, the soft blankets paired with the warmth of one another was enough to make them dreary. “Fine..Goodnight, love you Miles.”
“Te amo ma.”
Taglist? - @willowcxmilee @rinouko @chims-kookies @bbybubbles @supremeshrimpy2 @marice23top @korizzybee @otaku-degenarate @movie-enthusiast22 @corpsebridenightamare @thoughtfulbelieverstrawberry @marsbars09 @dystop4in14nd @ethanlandrysgf69 @mmxinne @brxght-world @rinisfruity14 @repostingmyfavs @sammarvel123 @idkwhatimdoingherehonestlyy @frissy @d4ridi0rsworld @julie03 @sakura-onesan @oh-kurva (Yall I’m never making a taglist again 🙁 props to y’all who do bc this is too much work.)
#x reader#spider man x reader#spider man across the spiderverse spoilers#spider man across the spider verse#prowler#miles morales prowler#earth 42 miles morales x reader#earth 42#fluff
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come morning light
chapter 2 • series masterlist
pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader
summary: An injured Joel and Ellie stumble into your home in the middle of the night. Against your better judgement, you decide to help them.
word count: ~2.5k
tags/warnings: post outbreak, slow burn, found family, age gap (sorry not sorry), able-bodied reader, angst, reader has a sad sad backstory and ptsd, hurt/comfort, fluff, eventual smut, vague description of an injury
a/n: i'm finally finished with chapter 2, and once again nervous af about it haha. there's not terribly much happening in this one, but i promise we'll get there, it just needs the buildup :)
thank you @catchallfangirl for beta reading <3
follow @janaispunknotifs for fic updates and find my full masterlist here :)
dividers as always by the lovely @saradika-graphics 🤍
You don’t feel like you’ve slept at all, but after hours of tossing and turning in the darkness of your bedroom, you think it’s probably time to get up.
You’re halfway convinced that last night’s events were a product of your imagination, that your mind has felt so lonely that it conjured up the whole scenario. But when you step out of your bedroom and find the door of your parents’ bedroom only halfway closed, the way you have never left it before saying good night to Ellie earlier, you have to come to terms with the fact that this might actually be your reality.
Ellie seems to be sound asleep, a lump under the covers, softly breathing, but when you head to the living area and switch on one of the smaller lamps, you’re met with the piercing glare of Joel. He’s still lying on the couch, much like you left him, still pale, still dark shadows under his eyes, but he’s much more awake now, his gaze following your every move.
“Hey,” you say softly, sinking down on the same armchair that you sat in when you watched him last night while Ellie took a shower. You suppress a shudder at the way he regards you, his eyes flicking up and down your body, taking in your size, you presume, searching for weapons. Your gun is tucked into the waistband at the back of your pants, which you’re sure he’s already aware of. You don’t like the way he makes you feel, like somehow you’re intruding on him. You should have the upper hand, this is your home and he’s injured, you helped him for crying out loud, and here you are, nervously watching his every move. You did the right thing. It’s gonna be fine.
“Where’s Ellie?” he asks, ignoring your greeting, his voice gruff.
“Sleeping,” you reply, nodding your head to the bedroom door. “She’s okay, I promise.”
Some of the tension seems to release from his body and he slumps back down a little, but the distrust in his expression when he looks at you doesn’t waver. Then again, you’re probably not much different.
“Look,” you sigh, “I’m not playing some kind of game here. You came into my house, I saw that you needed help, so I helped.” You try to infuse your voice with as much confidence as you can. “Don’t make me regret that, okay?”
He shrugs, a noncommittal grunt the only verbal answer. It could potentially be interpreted as a thanks, you guess. In a less tense situation, you’d probably grow annoyed by now. Shrugging yourself, you get to your feet and head to the kitchen. Anything to escape the way he’s watching your every movement.
“Hey, do you want coffee?” You don’t really want to offer him any, but you’d feel weird drinking it yourself without asking.
He pipes up at the question, head turning in your direction, his face the most open that you’ve seen it yet. “You have coffee?”
“Yeah.” That’s why I’m fucking asking.
“I– yes.” A breath, a second of him not meeting your eyes. “Thanks.”
You smile, small, fleetingly, busying yourself with the ground beans and the boiling water, reveling in the smell that slowly spreads throughout the room. It reminds you of happier times, when the world was still normal.
He has pushed himself into a sitting position, breathing heavily, when you walk over to hand him the steaming cup, still careful to keep your distance.
After you sit back down, the both of you stay silent for a few minutes. You enjoy the bitter taste on your tongue, the way you slowly feel your energy rising.
“Does it hurt much?” you ask eventually, gesturing towards his stomach.
Another grunt, the hint of a head shake.
“So it does.” He opens his mouth, the protest most likely already on his tongue, and you raise an eyebrow. “I have painkillers, are you sure that you–”
“No.” It comes fast, his voice raised, no room for arguments.
You instinctively flinch back at the unexpected louder sound, the cup shaking in your grip. You set it down on the table in front of you. Have your hands free, just in case.
There’s a hint of regret in his eyes, his free hand slightly raised, palm open. He’s trying to calm you down, you realize.
“Okay,” you breathe, working hard to keep your voice steady, “no painkillers, got it.”
“Sorry,” he mutters, his face half hidden, words almost lost behind the cup. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s alright,” you tell him as much as yourself.
You’ve gotten jumpy, not used to loud sounds anymore, raised voices, not used to humans in general, you suppose. You hadn’t fully realized it until now, until there’s other humans around you again.
“Thank you,” he continues unexpectedly, “not just for the coffee, but– you know.” He’s struggling, the words not coming easily, but you think that he’s being earnest. “Patching me up.”
“Of course.” You nod hastily, your heart still beating a little too fast.
Another moment passes in silence, both of you slowly sipping the coffee. He’s looking around, taking in his surroundings, eyes lingering on the closed wooden doors and the stairs leading up. You try not to get nervous about it. It’s normal that he would want to know more about where he is, after all.
“This is the basement, right? Is it safe?”
“Yeah,” you breathe. “No way to get in from outside.” As long as you stay inside, you’re safe.
He hums, appreciatively, you think.
“How long have you been living here?”
“Always. It’s my parents’ house. I mean–” you laugh, but it comes out hollow, “we lived upstairs, obviously. But my dad was… kinda crazy. Or– not that crazy, I guess, all things considered.” Your lips curl into a wry smile.
Your mind flashes back to long lectures about survival techniques, learning how to shoot, your father going on and on about first aid, hunting, all the things that you couldn’t have cared less about as a teenage girl, but were ingrained in your brain nonetheless. You’re grateful, now, but it’s laced with guilt about how often you snapped at your father, how often you told him he was paranoid, seeing dangers that weren’t there, that he was wasting your time. You couldn’t have known, the rational part of you argues. But you can never take it back now, the guilt whispers.
When you look up, Joel’s eyes are on you, eyebrows raised in question. You shake your head, trying to clear it. Stay in the present.
“Sorry, what did you–?”
Worry is painting his expression. “Are you okay?”
Don’t show weakness. “Yeah, of course. Just spaced out for a second.”
You force a smile onto your face and stand up rather abruptly, gathering both cups and putting them into the sink. Joel hasn’t moved, but you feel his eyes on you as you move.
“Do you, um, do you want to shower, maybe? Or just wash up, I don’t know, how–” You gesture towards the dried bloodstain on his flannel, forcefully keeping your tone light. “I have clean clothes, too, if you want.”
A shiver runs through you at the thought of going through your dad’s things, of someone else wearing them. He doesn’t need them anymore. He’s not coming back.
You know that you’ve gone silent for too long again even before you see Joel’s expression. He doesn’t ask this time, but there’s something in his eyes that you can’t place, something that almost looks like understanding.
“Yeah, I guess cleaning up a bit would be nice. I– thank you. Again”
His voice is gruff and he avoids your eyes. You think that he doesn’t like it, having to thank you. Owing you.
Giving him a nod, you head to the bedroom, hoping not to disturb Ellie, but she’s awake already, her eyes glinting in the light that’s falling into the dark room from the living area. You clench your jaw, heading for one of the drawers, trying hard not to think about what you’re doing. It’s not like he ever wore this stuff, it was just sitting down here. It’s fine, you’re fine.
“Don’t worry, it’s not about you,” Ellie says quietly from beside you, breaking through your racing thoughts.
You turn towards her, confusion on your face. “What is?”
“Joel,” she shrugs, still keeping her voice low. “He’s like that with everyone. He’s a bit of an asshole, really.” She sounds fond, saying it, like it’s an endearing character trait.
A surprised laugh escapes you. “I– okay, thanks, I guess.”
She waves it away, swinging her feet out of the bed. “No, thank you for not murdering me in my sleep.”
“Yeah, likewise.” You shake your head, still laughing to yourself. It’s so easy to like the girl, to feel like you already know her.
You hand Joel a pile of clothes, purposefully avoiding to look at them too closely, explain where the towels are and he grumbles his approval before the bathroom door closes behind him.
You release a breath and close your eyes for a second. You are undeniably warming up to Ellie, finding it almost impossible not to, but her companion is a different story.
“Hey, do you drink coffee?” you ask in the direction of the bedroom.
“Ew, no!” comes her reply as she steps out of the door, collecting the wild mess of hair on the top of her head and securing it in a ponytail.
Her offense at the mere suggestion makes you chuckle under your breath as you busy yourself with preparing breakfast in the form of porridge instead. She’s leaning against the doorframe, watching you, her eyes wide as she takes in the cupboards full of supplies.
You’re glad that you don’t need anything from the storeroom, keeping that door in the corner firmly closed. You want to trust her, want to trust them, but a feeling of unease still lingers at the thought of letting them know just how much you have.
Instead, you voice another question, a thought that fills you with unease as well.
“Hey,” you begin, keeping your eyes trained on the stove, “I’m sorry, but you and Joel, there– there isn’t anything weird going on, is there?”
“Like what?” She sounds slightly defensive, but when you steal a glance at her, she’s eyeing you with curiosity.
“I don’t know, like…” You shrug, stirring the mixture of water and oats, “you want to be here, he’s not forcing you to come with him or anything, right?”
“No, don’t worry about that,” comes her reply, almost amused. It was a bit of a stupid question, when you think about it, considering how worried she was about him last night, how protective.
“Okay,” you smile at her. You’re curious nonetheless, how they ended up together and where they’re headed, but it’s probably not really your place to ask.
You divide the porridge into three bowls and hand her one, while you carry yours and one for Joel back to the living area and set them down on the wooden table.
Ellie starts shoveling the food down immediately and you’re left wondering once more what happened to them and when they last ate something.
“So…” Ellie begins, her mouth still half full, “you’re just down here with all this food? Because your dad stored it here, before… things went to shit?”
You can’t blame her for her curiosity, you’re aware that you’ve probably found yourself in a better living situation than most people. Your thoughts go to the storeroom again, basically stuffed with enough supplies to last you multiple lifetimes, especially now that it’s just… No.
You hum in affirmation, not trusting your voice and you’re thankful that she’s too distracted by her breakfast to notice anything weird about your reaction.
“So you don’t go out hunting or anything?” comes her next question. You freeze.
You did go hunting, back when you cared about variance in the meals you prepared, about using fresh ingredients when you could. Until there was no need for that any more.
You realize that Ellie is saying your name, not for the first time, judging from the look on her face.
“Sorry,” you mumble, your hands tightening around the bowl. “No, I- I don’t go hunting.”
If she finds the situation weird, she shrugs it off impressively fast.
She nods to herself, eating quietly for a minute, before she speaks up again. “So what do you… do? Down here all day?”
“Uh…” What is it that you do all day? Time has been blurring together, days without anything happening repeating on a constant loop. You realize that you don’t remember, can’t talk of any activities that are part of your day. How long has it been like this?
You’re relieved from having to answer by Joel emerging from the bathroom, his face pale and his breaths going heavy. He has put on the sweatpants you gave him, but his torso is bare, the skin around the injury still an angry red.
He sinks back down into the cushions with a heavy sigh and you quickly get to work, cleaning the wound once more and giving him more antibiotics before you redo the bandages and hope for the best. Your hands don’t shake as badly as they did last night.
Ellie gets him some water and pushes his bowl of porridge into his hands, urging him to eat, before she turns to you. She’s trying to be strong, to hide her worry, but the pleading look in her eyes when she asks you if he’s gonna be okay tells a different story.
“Of course,” you say, giving her what you hope to be a reassuring smile.
Joel does look better after he’s eaten something, but his eyelids are drooping and after a few more minutes, his eyes close and his breath evens out. You do the dishes and check the cameras, calming down a bit more when you’re sure that everything seems to be quiet upstairs.
When you return to the living area, Ellie is rummaging through her pack, muttering to herself, until she pulls a book out of, proudly turning the cover for you to read it. No pun intended - Volume Too.
She starts reading them to you while you settle back down with a second cup of coffee and you share her laughs, enjoying the way it makes her look lighter, allows her to be a kid who can laugh at stupid jokes. You ignore the sting it causes in your chest because you once knew someone who would have loved this book just as much as Ellie does.
thank you for reading 🤍 if you liked this, please consider reblogging, leaving a comment or sending an ask, it truly makes my day every single time!
#fic: safe and sound#janas fics#joel miller#ellie williams#the last of us#the last of us fanfiction#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fic#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x female reader#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fandom#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedrostories
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You telling jj that you’re horny when sitting on his lap?? Maybe shy!reader 🤨 thx babe💗💗
so so sorry it’s taken me ages! hope you enjoy <3
You try not to be embarrassed when you start feeling all hot and bothered in public, but with the way JJ has his hands on your skin it’s hard not to be.
You’re sitting on his lap whilst the other Pogues are perched around the fire. Sticks with marshmallows on the end hanging over the fire as half drunk bottles of beer rest against their ankles.
You fight off the feeling of the growing heat between your legs, but it’s getting hard to ignore and JJ was starting to take notice.
“If you keep moving around you’re gonna get me hard.” He whispered into your ear, not wanting the others to hear the conversation about to go down.
You fight back a whimper. “I can’t help it.”
JJ lets out a low chuckle. “Something bothering you, sweetheart? Tell me and maybe I can help.”
“I need…” you start, but your words drift off your tongue as JJ begins to press featherlight kisses along your neck and jawline. His lips against your skin make you even hotter.
“Hmm?” You can hear the smirk in his voice. “What do you need, sweetheart? Tell me.”
You grind on him. The growing hardness under your thighs makes your head swirl. “I need you to touch me, Jay. Really badly.”
JJ lets out a slow laugh, the sweetness of his breath fans over your cheek and you bite your lip. “I’ll do anything you tell me to. Where do you want me to touch you?”
Your eyes dart around you. The others are too deep in a conversation to even notice the sudden shift in atmosphere around you both. May as well get some sort of relief whilst they’re busy.
“Here.” You grab his wrist, bringing it under your t-shirt to your breasts. You silently thank yourself for not wearing a bra. “I want you to touch me here.”
JJ groans deeply in your ear, his cock twitches against your thigh and you teasingly wiggle your hips to make him more flustered. “Since when did you get so confident? Normally you’re my sweet, innocent girl.” His fingers graze over your nipples, sending a shiver down your spine to your toes.
You lean your back against his chest, your hips continue to move in slow circles. The feeling of his length pressed against your backside makes your core clench. “I can’t help myself. You make me so horny.”
JJ presses a wet kiss below your ear. “If you control yourself now, I’ll reward you later.”
“Really?” You stop moving and look over your shoulder at him. His cheeks were turning a pretty pink shade and his pupils were heavily dilated. “You promise to fuck me so good I see stars?”
“Fuck.” JJ grits his teeth. He has to force himself not to excuse the two of you right now. “I promise to fuck you so good you see stars. But later. Right now, I’m gonna enjoy the fire and the feel of you pressed against my cock.”
You bite your lip in anticipation. “Yes, sir.”
#kay’s askbox#asks•lindsaypankow#outer banks#obx x reader#obx fanfiction#obx imagine#jj maybank x y/n#jj maybank smut#jj maybank x you#jj maybank imagine#jj obx imagine#jj maybank x reader#jj obx#jj outer banks#outer banks jj#jj maybank#jj obx fic#obx smut#hardthoughts
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₊˚★﹟ 에이티즈 : when they cheat on you in a dream
⟢ pairing : ateez x fem!reader ➖ genre : fluff ➖ requested : no ➖ warnings : none really, mentions of cheating, petnames, playful hitting in san’s hc
ss: having a nightmare about atz cheating on you and waking them up about it lmfao
. ⁺ .. 홍중 | hongjoong.
is actually startled when you wake him up
what is it that you need at 3:37 am..
nah cause mans has been working too hard in the studio and on that stage for you to come to him about some dream..
“what? what?” he sat up quickly, eyes squinted with his hair pointing in different directions.
“you really have the nerve to ‘what’ me after that?” you sat up against the headboard, arms folded.
he rubbed a hand down his face, “y/n what are you talking about..?”
“you cheated on me!” you shoved his shoulder causing him to glare at you in the moonlit room.
“y/n,” his face literally read ‘wtf’ all over. “i’m promoting right now. where and when would i have time to cheat on you?”
“..so if you weren’t promoting would you be cheating on me?”
he threw his pillow at you before turning over and going back to sleep.
. ⁺ .. 성화 | seonghwa.
he’s the one that feels you jolt awake
mother mode on
is kinda like ‘😕’ but he also laughs it off
doesn’t really take you seriously after that
“hey honey, you okay?” he props himself on one elbow, long hair in his face.
your eyes open up halfway before you realized what you just dreamed about. you furrow your eyebrows, pushing hwa away with a hand on his chest.
“i don’t know, considering my future husband just cheated on me..” you pouted.
ok first of all his heart fluttered at ‘future husband’
“i did what?” he chuckled, scooting back closer to you.
“hwa, it’s not funny! i saw it in my dream.” your hand came to shove him again but this time he caught it, bringing you into his embrace.
“oh, my baby. shh, you’re tired, go to sleep.” he smiled, patting your head as it laid against him.
. ⁺ .. 윤호 | yunho.
he’s the calmest one tbh
for some reason, he acts like it’s normal for you to wake up and accuse him of cheating 😭
he’s really good at comforting trust me
even if you did just interrupt his rest
“what’s wrong, baby? hm? tell me.” he reached over, rubbing your arm before yawning a bit.
“yunho, have you cheated on me?” you look up at him with big eyes, a frown on your face.
he cooed, giving you two pecks on the lips, “no, baby. why would i ever do that?”
you shrugged, still a bit skeptical. he read your mind, pulling you into his chest.
“i promise you, there’s no one i’d rather be with.”
. ⁺ .. 여상 | yeosang.
laughs at you pt2
no because what are you talking abt 😭
you better be glad he loves you cause sangie doesn’t like anyone interrupting his sleep
“y/n, you better have a good reason for waking me up at 2am.” he mumbled, his eyes still closed and cheek squished against the pillow.
“um, i think you’re the one who needs to have a good reason for cheating on me. oh wait, there isn’t one!” you threw the blanket off of you, pushing them to yeosang’s side.
he opened his eyes slightly to look at you before snorting.
“babe, are you serious?”
“no, don’t call me ‘babe’ now.” you scoffed, climbing out of bed to head downstairs to the couch.
“babe!” he called after you but the door was already closed.
“she’ll come back.” he murmured, closing his eyes back.
..and he was right.
. ⁺ .. 산 | san.
he’s actually kind of scared
thinks you’re a bit crazy but would never tell you that <3
san was still fast asleep, his breathing slow before you landed a smack on his bare back
“ow! what the-?!” he jolted awake, cheeks puffy while his eyes squinted as he looked around.
“so when we’re you gonna tell me you were seeing someone else, huh?” you propped yourself up, waiting for him to notice that the harsh action had definitely come from you.
he turned around, his eyebrows furrowed as he winced, touching the stinging spot.
“w-what? no, i- baby, who else would i be seeing?”
“whatever chick was in my dream, san!”
“oh, no, i swear, baby. i’ve never seen anyone else. my eyes are only on you. ah-!” he buried himself in your embrace and his face in your chest, continuing to rub at his back.
he peppered your cheek and neck with kisses, continuing to reassure you.
eventually you kissed him back, wrapping your arms around him and rubbing the now red spot on his back.
. ⁺ .. 민기 | mingi.
is just as confused as the rest
probably even more confused 😭
“song mingi, wake your ass up right now.” you shook him by the shoulder, causing his head to pop up.
“yeah? what is it, babe?” he rubbed his eye, trying to wake up.
“did you seriously betray me like that? you cheated on me?”
“what? babe, no, I-“
“THEN WHO WAS THE GIRL IN MY DREAM?” you whisper yelled, causing mingi to look at you like you had two heads.
“a-a dream, you said?”
“yeah!” you folded your arms.
mingi was way too sleepy for this and he was sure that you weren’t even aware of how crazy you sounded.
“babe.. I-“ he stopped mid sentence, face palming. he let you have your moment, knowing you’d be better in the morning.
. ⁺ .. 우영 | wooyoung.
laughs at you pt3
he’s actually amused
we all know wooyoung, so of course he thinks you’re hot when you’re angry
doesn’t take you seriously the second you accuse him of cheating
he felt you shifting in his arms and woke up to you trying to leave the bed.
“babe, where are you going?” he spoke in a groggy voice, eyes adjusting to the dim room.
“somewhere where there’s no cheaters.” you grumbled, still trying to get out of wooyoung’s grasp.
ok now he was confused.
“huh?”
“you cheated on me wooyoung.”
“okay..” he laughed.
“is this funny to you?!”
“yes. 100%.”
you scoffed, smacking his arm.
“no, seriously, babe. why would i look at someone else when i already have the sexiest woman in front of me?” you knew he had that smug smile on his face even if the room was still dark.
he kissed your cheek, bringing you back into the sheets to cuddle with him, laying your head on his chest.
. ⁺ .. 종호 | jongho.
probably annoyed with you
not mad but like, “are u serious rn 🤨”
another one who clearly does not take you seriously 💀
“babe,” you patted his arm, a frown already sat on your face.
“hm?”
“are you cheating on me?” you asked, sadness clear in your voice.
jongho opened his eyes, giving you a questionable, yet annoyed look.
his face softened a bit when he saw that you actually seemed worried.
“go back to sleep, y/n”
⟢ milan’s note: more ateez fics coming 😼
TAGLIST: @haechansbbg @contyynishimura @sasfransisco @kgneptun @m1ko-xu (message or comment to be added)
#kairoot#ateez#ateez x reader#ateez x y/n#ateez hongjoong#ateez seonghwa#ateez yunho#ateez yeosang#ateez san#ateez mingi#ateez wooyoung#ateez jongho#ateez reactions#ateez imagines#ateez fluff#ateez scenarios#ateez headcanons#ateez fanfic#ateez fic
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in which roommate!heeseung insists on decorating, and you're sure he's up to something (why has he got so much mistletoe?) ୨୧
tw. yellinggg, kissing, idk what rlly went through my head when writing this its kinda cringe bro wc. 887
“ok, i give up.”
heeseung looks over in confusion, holding a box of christmas decorations in his hand.
“just tell me! i give up.”
“what are you talking about?” he squints, shifting the box in his arm.
you shift on the couch agitatedly, pausing your tv show. “why are you hanging all these up? like, do you want my room, or you feel bad because you broke something that’s mine, or you’re trying to hint you want-”
“it’s for christmas spirit!”
you roll your eyes. you’ve been trying to figure out your roommate’s obsession with decorating the apartment for the last week, but every time he’s answered with the same response. ‘christmas spirit.’ christmas spirit your ass. you’ll figure it out, you just need a couple more days.
“sure.”
he raises his eyebrows innocently. “i don’t know why you don’t believe me.”
“maybe because in the 3 years we’ve lived together you haven’t ever even lifted a finger to help me put decorations up?”
he shrugs. “change of heart.”
definitely up to something.
–
heeseung is being weird. he keeps trying to hide his decorations when you walk in on him, like he’s scared of you seeing them. even though you’ll see them anyway, because it’s your apartment.
after seeing him drop his box for the third time in two days, it clicks. a party. that explains his controlling of the decorations to look his way, and the secret phone calls he’s been making. you absolutely hate crowds, and your one rule the only time you’ve lived here has been no parties. he’s never complained before, but you suppose he’s finally gotten tired.
you’ve never felt more betrayed. heeseung, the most considerate roommate you’ve ever had, heeseung who keeps track of the amount of chocolate in your storage, heeseung who buys you things just because they reminded him of you, heeseung who is in charge of all the groceries, no discussion. heeseung, who you think you might be in love with, that heeseung, trying to throw a holiday party in your apartment without your permission when you leave tomorrow.
and as you see him emerge from the doorway, his head brushing the mistletoe he hung, fiery anger builds up inside you. how dare he hum, act all normal like you didn’t just watch him try to hide his decorations, how dare he do this secretly, how dare he make you love him while he’s betraying you like this?
so when he asks what you want him to make for dinner, you want to hit him in the face.
“you what?” he asks, and the way his nose scrunches in confusion only makes you angrier, and you snap.
“lee heeseung, i hate you!”
his doe eyes widen in surprise.
“what? i-”
“you’re so stupid! i can’t believe you would do all this just for a stupid holiday party! over me!”
you’ve stepped up to him, him backing up slightly as you walk forward.
“i don't know what-”
“and i wouldn’t have cared if you just asked! i’m not even gonna be here! but i thought that you at least cared about me enough to ask instead of sneaking around.”
“y/n, i-”
“and you find it so amusing when i ask you why, and this whole time it’s been for a party? you’ve been lying to me, sneaking around, just so you can throw a party without my permission? do i mean that little to you,” your words are choked by a sob, “that little, that-”
“y/n, i promise i-”
“that little, that a party is more important to you than me.” tears cross down your cheeks, tracing over the edges of your face.
heeseung’s brows are furrowed now, a concerned frown pushed onto his face. “y/n, i swear-”
how dare he act concerned, when it’s his fault.
a yell rips out of you, “you don’t get to care about me now! not after, not after this, not after i’ve spent three years loving you and you’ve just thrown all my trust away for a party.”
he’s broken now, you can see it on his face in the way his brows are drawn in and you know you’ve hurt him, and you feel awful. he watches you carefully, taking a deep breath before he moves almost imperceptibly closer.
“y/n.”
you sniff weakly, “yeah?”
his voice is soft with hurt. “i love you, too. and i’d never throw a party without your permission, and it wasn’t that, and i’m sorry i was being so secretive but i promise it wasn’t because of that and i think- i think you should look up.”
you hadn’t realized how close you were to him now, your hands brushing his. you turn your head up slowly, your lips almost pressing against his, and you see it.
the mistletoe.
“i love you, y/n. and i thought- i wanted to tell you, before you left and i didn’t know how, but since you were always decorating instead of me doing anything i wanted to do something nice for you, and then i realized maybe if i could put mistletoe up then you would get the hint and i wouldn’t have to say anything.”
his arms slide around your waist tentatively, pulling you into him, and you look down, falling into him as your lips push into his.
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
part of winters of us, an advent calendar : day 009 prev
extremely late sry
comment or send an ask to be added to the taglist !
general @bucketofhiros @addictedtohobi @ariadores enhypen @cutesiepatootsie @sammm5225 @eupherbia
#❄️ — winters of us.#enhypen x reader#enhypen imagines#enhypen heeseung#heeseung x reader#heeseung imagines#heeseung angst#heeseung fluff#enha x reader#enha soft hours#enha soft thoughts#enha imagines#enhypen scenarios#lee heeseung x reader#heeseung#lee heeseung
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the dinner party
A/N: Filling out this request. Enjoy!
Pairing: David Loki x F!reader
Summary: David and his girl spice things up at her boss's annual dinner party.
Warnings: SMUT. 18+ ONLY. Language, unprotected p in v sex (wrap your willy, kids), oral play, cumplay, not proofread
SHARING IS CARING, SO PLEASE REBLOG
Parties in general were David’s least favorite things. He rarely gets time off and the last thing he wants to do is spend it sharing you with people he doesn’t know.
Sure, they were your co-workers and superiors and he trusted you more than anyone in the world. But you looked way too sexy to be at this stupid dinner party.
He wanted to have you to himself tonight. He didn’t want to socialize; his social meter was already natural low and he’d been there for almost half an hour now, enduring the small talk with the strangers you introduced him to and all their invasive questions about the job he mostly just didn’t want to think about.
You noticed his discomfort when he excused himself to get more wine after one of the most obnoxious guys of your workplace asked him what the most disturbing thing he’d seen on the job was.
It was disturbing for a reason and he wished he could forget it.
“Uhm, that’s rather a hard question to answer. Guess I’ve just seen too much” David answered curtly. “Excuse me, I ran out of fuel” he confirmed raising his glasses.
You co-workers laughed it off with his little joke, but you knew he wasn’t trying be funny, so you followed him into your boss’s kitchen.
“Sorry about that. I didn’t-“
“Not your fault, babe. People are just assholes sometimes.”
“Just 30 more minutes? I don’t wanna be here anymore than you do, but I have to. You know how my boss is. He takes it personal if we don’t show up. I don’t wanna be iced out at work.”
“What if I planted drugs in his house?” he smirked picking at the charcutarie board on the kitchen island to pop some salami into his mouth. “Ooh, that’s good salami. I think that’s salami, at least.”
“Please tell me you’re joking.”
“Of course, I am. But he is a douche. I’d be doing you a favor.”
“I couldn’t agree more, but this job pays for all the sexy lingerie I wear for you.” You smirked filling up both your glasses. “And the hours are really flexible too.”
“Almost as flexible as you” he smirked back idling around the kitchen. “I’ll be on my best behavior, I promise. I know it’s important. It’s just fucking boring as shit. If I have to hear your boss talk about his Italian inspiration for the house, my head might actually explode. I can literally feel the vein in my temple throb every time he says ‘venetian’.”
You chortled with a sip of your wine.
“I know he’s a lot to handle, but it’s just for 30 minutes. And I already introduced you to everyone, so we can just hang out with my friends out back until then. They’re pretty normal, like us.”
“I can’t believe it’s only been half an hour. It feels like it’s been at least 3 hours.”
“What can I do to make it easier hm?” you smiled rubbing your palm against his chest.
“Well…” he smirked lowering his gaze to scan your body. He loved how your black dress hugged your curves just perfectly. “There is one thing that would make me really happy. You know I have a sweet tooth, right?”
You narrowed your eyes with a mirroring smirk.
“You want dessert already?”
“It’s the best part of the course, if you ask me.”
“Fine. But we gotta keep it quiet” you nodded with a mischievous smile.
"Wait. Are you serious?" he asked in disbelief. He didn't think you'd actually agree.
"Yeah, I am. This party is a total dud. I wouldn't be here unless I had to. Might as well make it fun," you smiled nonchalantly, dipping your fingertip into your wine and dabbed the red liquid on his white shirt.
“Hey! What’d you do that for?”
“You’re a cop, David. Rule number one: always have an alibi. And I’m not gonna ruin my dress. It was more expensive than your shirt.”
“Ey, I paid 10 dollars for this shirt at the good-will.”
“My point exactly,” you smirked taking his hand to lead him out of the kitchen and back into the crowd. “You’re such a klutz, Davy. Let’s try to get you cleaned up.”
“Yeah,” he smirked with suspicious eyes squinted at you.
Fighting back the excited smile was hard to do as you led him to the upstairs level. Running off to a secret place to do secret things had you both feeling like young teenagers in love again.
If there was one thing David loved more than you and his job, it was going down on you. And, if that wasn't enough already, it was one of the many things that he excelled at.
"C'mere, beautiful" he smirked turning you around once you'd locked the door.
His hands snaked around your hips as lips collided with you in a feverish kiss, hitching up your dress. Your lower back met with the marble countertop of the sink in the lavish bathroom.
David opened his eyes to look at the reflection of your ass, beautifully on display in your black lace panties.
"You look so pretty, baby" he groaned at the twitching of his hidden cock.
Your cheeks bloomed with warmth as praises spewed from his mouth.
Once his knees met the floor, he wasted no time getting to work. David loved seeing you in black lace. He loved your pussy even more.
His moans were muffled as he buried his mouth over your clothed cunt, nose rubbing and circling your sensitive nub as he inhaled your delicious scent.
"Got this pretty pussy all dressed up for me too huh?" he asked with a devilish gleam in his eyes.
His hot breath and warm tongue nuzzling your cunt had your panties growing wetter and wetter with a combination of his saliva and your slick.
You moaned as your hand reached for his head, legs welcoming his mouth as you sat back on the edge of the countertop.
With a hand wrapped around your thigh, he hooked a finger under the lacy fabric and pulled it to the side in order to display your juicy cunt to him.
"Ain't nothing tastier than this right here."
His open mouth quickly latched onto your exposed pussy. His tongue eager as it licked up the sopping mess that only flooded from your spongy walls.
His thumb circled over your delicate clit as his tongue stroked over your plushy folds up and down, over and over again, sending electricity throughout your body and curling your toes.
The sticky sounds of your incredibly wet cunt and his mouth along with David's expertly technique altering from your pussy, down to your puckering asshole, had your head hanging back. Heat burned in your cheeks as you wondered if anyone could hear you from the outside.
David's eyes were locked on your contorting reaction, coming undone with your mouth hung open in an ecstasy only he could provide. So desperate for your release, you ground your hips against his face, caressing his head of luscious hair as you chased your high.
Your spined arched forward as you relished every greedy movement of his flickering tongue, panting when his thumb slowly sped up its circling over your tender clit.
David's low chuckle at your frantic chase for climax sent chills over your hot skin.
"D-Dave, I-I'm gonna-" you gasped, trying your best to stay as quiet as you possibly could.
"Cum for me," he ordered adding more pressure and speed to his teasing thumb.
The blinding white light of sheer pleasure rippled through your body, letting it tremble under his unyielding mouth. Despite your attempt to shut your thighs, he chuckled darkly as he forced them apart, pushing you further back and folding you over on the countertop until your knees met your chest and your back met the cold surface of the mirror behind you.
“Look at this pretty pussy, all soaked just for me.”
With a teeth baring grin, his long fingers glided easily between your slick folds, toying with the sensitive mound of flesh.
“Came so good for me, didn’t you? Gonna let me taste it?”
You nodded eagerly at him unable to speak with heavy breaths, trying to ease yourself from your newfound high.
“Be a good girl and spread your pussy for me then" he ordered politely quickly bringing your hands under your thighs to pull your pussy apart to hold it open yourself in the raunchiest way.
“Atta girl” he grinned maliciously.
His tongue shoved into your soaked hole, delving deeper and deeper into your open cunt. David was addicted to your pussy, to your taste. He loved how wet you could get, how much of a mess you could make just for him to see.
You watched as he fucked you with his tongue, lapping at your pulsing walls as he impatiently licked for every single drop.
"Baby, fuck me. Please. I need your cock in me so fucking bad right now" you begged, reminded by his tongue of his dick.
He didn't hesitate for a single moment before unbuckling his black pants to let his throbbing dick bounce freely from its confines. He spat into his hand and wrapped it around his cock to give it a few tugs, eyes hungrily staring your gaping pussy.
"Jesus fucking Christ" he groaned as the saliva and his pre-cum mixed and coated his heavy cock.
Aligning his heavy tip´to your welcoming pussy, he slid it up and down your swollen slippery lips to gather your slick. You hissed as he tapped it over your sensitive clit, making your hips as they chased his cock eager to fill up your pussy with his sizeable dick.
He would've teased you far more if he hadn't remembered where you were, so instead, his tip slipped past your folds and into your warm wet cunt.
He pushed in and pulled out slowly at first to wet his dick enough until he could glide in and out of you with ease. You both watched completely hypnotized by your pussy lips wrapped around his heavy member with a shiny glazed hug.
"Keep this pussy open for me, baby girl. Take it all in. I know you can take it."
You felt so wonderfully full and stretched with his thick, long cock slowly moving inside you. Every ridge and vein of it massaged your walls in the perfect way, eliciting even more wetness from your body.
"Ah, fuck" he growled lowly unable to tease.
He needed to cum so badly. His dick was already throbbing and aching for release. Not to mention that eventually someone would knock on the door or come looking for you.
His belt buckle jingled as his hips began to piston against yours. His large hands moved to your chest, pulling your bra and dress to watch your breasts bounce freely with his every thrust.
"Ain't gonna last long like this, baby" he panted softly as he mumbles against the smooth calf of your leg.
He pounded balls deep into you quickly, watching your slick lips squelch around his cock as the sounds of wet slapping skin echoed softly in the bathroom.
It was just too much for him. Your perfectly drenched pussy hugging his cock beautifully, his balls smacking around your ass cheeks, your breasts jiggling to his rhythm.
It all overwhelmed him, bringing him to finally cum heavily into your womb.
Your walls squeezed around his cock, milking him of every single drop until he had to force him to pull out from the oversensitivity of it.
A couple of strands of his pearly white cum squirted over your lips as he gave his final couple strokes to his sensitive tip, aimed at your gaping pussy hole to fill it to the brim.
He smirked proudly as he admired his white load inside your cunt, overflowing like a waterfall from your used pussy and down to your pulsing asshole.
"You're gonna keep this pussy just like this, alright?" he smiled darkly as he gently moved your lacy black panties to cover your cunt and soak in all your - and his - juices.
"No cleaning up. I want to feel it when you walk around out there."
#david loki x reader#david loki x y/n#david loki x you#jake gyllenhaal#detective loki#detective david loki#detective loki x reader#detective loki smut#david loki prisoners
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Negan x teen!reader - friends become family
can you writes more depressed reader x rick/negan i reader your other work and i just loved them <3 - anon💜
TW: mentions of depression, thoughts of wanting to disappear and self harm
This wasn’t the world you were born into, this was the life you thought you were going to have when you grew up.
You were born into this world, maybe you should have been used to it, but your parents always told you that it wasn’t going to last forever.
They told you stories about the old world, what it was like, and promised you that it was going to go right back to that.
Then the world tore them from you, right in front of your own eyes, and it left you all alone until Gabriel and Aaron stumbled across you and brought you back to Alexandria with them.
But it wasn’t home.
Nowhere was home anymore, despite how much they tried to connect with you, make you feel at home, it just wasn’t home and it never would be.
You spent most of your time trying to find a place to hide from them, they always found you, and you remembered the one place Michonne told you to stay away from.
The cell block, warning you to never go in there.
You made your way down the steps and knelt down by the door, quietly picking the lock and you pushed it open before slipping inside.
Closing the door, you turned around and walked over to the corner, sitting down.
“Well, not that I’m not thankful for the company but I get the feeling since you picked that lock you shouldn’t be in here.”
You looked up, finding a man standing against the cell bars as he looked at you.
“Got a name?”
You shrugged a little bit, looking back down again.
“Alright, I’ll call you kid.”
“Not a kid…” you grumbled.
“Well apparently you don’t have a name so your shit outta luck there kid, why’re you here? Cause no offence but I’m gonna be the one getting it in the ass if they find you here.”
You looked at him, resting your chin on your knees.
“Don’t tell them…”
“Well im not fucking stupid, course I’m not going to tell them.”
He rested his arms between the gaps of the bars, and he glanced up to the window before turning his attention back towards you.
“Names Negan.”
You nodded your head, letting you know that you had heard him.
You didn’t stay long, you didn’t answer any of his questions before you left, locking the door before finding somewhere else to go.
But it soon became a daily occurrence, you would turn up at the cell between certain times, knowing the routines of when they brought him food.
Negan would talk, he didn’t like sitting in silence, and you would just listen to him, or read from one of the books he would slide under the cell bars for you.
You did eventually tell him your name, but he still liked to annoy you and refused to use it.
Today was no different, you came in, locked the door and walked over to your corner.
“Hey.”
Negan sat up from where he had been laid reading and he looked at you.
Negan swung his legs over his cot, and he rested his arms on his knees.
“Kid? What’s up?”
You shrugged a little bit, resting your head against the stone wall.
“Now don’t get me wrong, I love the fact you break into here and barely say a whole sentence to me, but this shit isn’t normal for you.”
You turned around, looking over at him.
“Do you ever feel alone…?” You asked quietly.
“Yeah, sometimes. But I only got myself to blame for that, I know that. I did shit things and it made me alone.”
“What did you do?”
Negan sighed, looking down at his hands.
He explained everything to you, what he had done, the saviours, the lives he had taken and everything he had done before landing in that cell.
When he finished he looked at you, giving you a little grin.
“See? Shit person.”
“My dad used to say that sometimes good people did bad things because they didn’t have a choice…”
He hummed a little bit.
“Yeah? What if that person is just a shit person?”
You shrugged a little bit, turning away to go back to resting your head against the stone wall.
Negan sighed heavily, getting up and he made his way to the front of the call, sitting down in the corner, resting his head on the bars.
“Your parents know you come down here and see a fucked up asshole like me?”
You didn’t reply and Negan looked at you, he heard you sniffled a little bit, and saw you wipe your eyes with the backs of your hands.
“Shit kid, I’m sorry.”
You turned around, keeping your back to him.
“Fuck, come on kid, I’m so sorry I had no idea. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
He sighed again.
“You know I had wife.”
You turned around and looked at him, wiping your eyes again.
“Yeah, yeah. I had a wife, I bet you’re looking at me thinking how can this old bastard have had a wife? Let me tell you she was… she was so beautiful.”
“What happened to her…?”
Negan smiled sadly.
“She died too, cancer.”
“I’m sorry…”
“Yeah, so am I.”
You looked at the door before turning back to him.
“What was she like?”
Negan smiled, and he told you about his wife Lucille, what she was like, and how things were with them all while smiling as he recalled the memories.
Sometimes his smile would fall, and then he’d smile when he told you another happy memory.
“What about your mom and dad?”
“They were optimistic things were going to change… happy… despite everything…”
You told him a few stories, and he listened carefully, not wanting to interrupt you since this was the longest you had spoken to him for.
But you seemed to realise this and quickly jumped up, taking the photo back from him and you left.
You didn’t turn up for the next few days, and he went back into his routine of solitude.
You finally came back one evening, the only giveaway it was you was the small click of the lock as you closed the door once.
“Hey kid.”
You had a lantern, and a bag and you walked over to the cell, sitting down by the bars, you passed him a few of the candles and he walked over to take them.
Negan put others back on your side of the bars, and he set one to the side, taking the lighter you had given him so he could light it and went to hand it back but you shook your head.
“You know the check my shit right? Make sure I have nothing I shouldn’t have.”
“Oh…”
You took the lighter back, and the spare candles to put back in your bag.
It added some light to the place, helping you see around better.
Negan rested his back on the wall, staring at the window on the opposite wall.
“What made you come by so late?” He asked.
You shrugged a little bit, resting your arms on your knees.
Negan turned to look at you, and he could slightly see inside of your bag, and he noticed that it seemed to have food inside, some water.
He furrowed his brows.
“Going somewhere?”
You didn’t say anything.
“Where are you going?”
Again you ignored his question, instead you pulled out a book, and you passed it through the bars to him so he could take it.
“Tell me about the old world?” You asked quietly.
“What do you wanna know?”
“Everything I guess…”
Negan thought for a moment, and he told you about the places that he had been to, what they looked like, about normal schools, aeroplanes, whatever came to mind.
You asked him questions, curious about wanting to know more, and hours passed like that.
You shared some of your food and water with him, and you set your bag down next to the bars of his cell, laying yourself down.
“Come on kid, you can’t sleep in here.”
“I don’t want to go anywhere else…”
“Why not?”
Negan got up, heading to his cot he grabbed all the bedding on there, brining it over and he shoved a blanket through the bars for you, and made his bed on the other side.
You stared up at the ceiling, covering yourself with the blanket before turning your back to him.
“They pity me…”
Negan didn’t miss the slight growl in your tone when you said that.
“They all try to act like they’re my parents… they… they never leave me alone and I hate it…”
“You hate having people around you?”
“I hate people who pretend… they only pity me… they don’t actually care.. just see some teenager with no family…”
Negan nodded his head, but didn’t say anything.
“They’re not my family… my family is dead… I’m alone…”
“Now come on, don’t spout that shit. That’s not true, you’re not alone.”
You didn’t say anything else and he sighed.
“Okay yeah, maybe they pity you. How do you know I don’t pity you?”
“You don’t look at me like they do… it’s why I come here… they look at me and.. and they see right through me… you actually see me…”
Negan didn’t tell you to leave, it was late now, and he wasn’t sure how safe it was out there for you to be wondering around in the dark.
You fell asleep there, and you slept through the sound of the door opening.
What woke you up was the sound of arguing and you slowly sat up.
“I told you not to come down here!” Michonne snapped at you.
You blinked a few times in confusion.
“Hey! Leave the kid alone!” Negan growled at her.
“You shut up, you don’t get a say in this. Gabriel take (Y/N) outside and place an extra guard in front of this place.”
Gabriel walked over to take your stuff and you quickly took it back, and he stopped, raising his hands as he smiled softly at you.
“Come along now, we should leave.”
You looked over at Negan and he gave a small nod his his head, letting you know it was okay to go.
You left your stuff behind, leaving the room, making a quick get away to another one of your hiding places, though it never took them long to find you there.
Aaron was the one to come looking for you.
“Hey…”
He walked into the small room you had called your home since you had arrived here.
“You know why we told you to stay away from the cell right? What Negan had done?”
You nodded.
“Then you understand why we want you to stay away from him? He’ll get inside your head, use you for his own benefit, to manipulate you into helping him escape or something along those lines.”
You stayed quiet, only getting up to leave and Aaron sighed.
You wanted nothing to do with anybody from the community, you never spoke to any of them, the most they got out of you was your name.
You went back to that cell, but the guard at the door looked at you, and you sighed.
Sitting on the steps, you stayed there all day.
Nobody really spared you a glance, it was like you were there but you weren’t really there all at the same time.
Maybe you would be better off if you weren’t there, it’s not like anybody would notice.
You didn’t have much, so it’s not like they’d even notice you were missing.
Getting up, you went back to your makeshift home and stayed there for the rest of the day, lost in your own thoughts.
How you were alone.
You had nobody.
Nobody cared about you.
Nobody loved you.
Nobody would miss you.
The only person who would notice would’ve been Negan but since you weren’t allowed to see him he’d forget about you too.
So you made up your mind, you were going to disappear.
You left that night, making your way back to the cell to see the guard was asleep and you snuck in like always to find Negan was asleep.
You sighed a little, and you looked at the guard before turning to Negan.
“Thank you…” you whispered.
“For what?” He mumbled out.
You jumped a little bit.
Negan was looking at you and you shrugged slightly.
“For being my friend…”
Negan quickly sat up, and he walked over, resting a hand on the bars.
“What’re you doing?”
“I.. I have to go away…”
Negans eyes widened a little bit, he saw your arm when your sleeve rolled up as you reached up to wipe some of your tears.
He saw the bloodied bandage wrapped around it.
“Listen me kid, now Im not saying that you’re gonna do what I think you’re gonna do, but I’m telling you right now down you fucking dare.”
“I’m sorry…”
“(Y/N)!”
You quickly left, forgetting to close the main door, and you ran away.
You didn’t think, you just went to the first place you could think off, the tallest building in Alexandria, and you stood up there.
You looked down at the dark streets, and you took a small breath, turning your back on it, facing the way you had come from.
You didn’t realise that your commotion had alerted the guard who had alerted the council, but you could hear the pounding of footsteps getting closer.
Gabriel, Aaron and Michonne stood there.
“Come down.” Michonne said.
You shook your head.
“Please, let us talk about whatever is going on. What makes you feel like you must do this.” Gabriel said softly.
You shook your head again, shuffling back and they all tried to branch out, but nobody dared to get any closer.
“Just talk to us.” Aaron whispered.
“No…”
“Then who will you talk to? If there’s somebody out there that can stop you who is? Who do you want to speak to?” Michonne asked.
“Please, we don’t want you to do this..”
You didn’t reply, and suddenly Michonne ran off while Gabriel and Aaron watched you.
You didn’t know what they were doing and you were trying to work up the courage so you could see your family again, so you could take those last few steps back.
A few minutes later Michonne came back, and she shoved Negan forward making him stumble a little.
“Fucking hell, push me any further and I’ll be going over that edge.”
“That would be the day.” Michonne scoffed.
She gestured for the other two to back away, and they all walked away slightly.
Negan looked up at you.
“Hey, let’s talk, yeah?”
“I don’t want to talk…”
He hummed a little.
“Do you want to jump?”
“I… I don’t know…”
Negan sighed, and he looked up at you, holding out his hand.
“Come down (Y/N)…”
“I can’t…”
“Why not?”
You didn’t say anything.
Negan sighed, lowering his hand, bringing it up to run over his head as he tried to figure out what to do.
“You know, I wouldn’t forget you. I’d remember.”
You looked at him.
“You think everybody will forget you right? You’ll be able to disappear like you want right?”
You nodded.
“Hate to break it to you kid, but that’s not true. I wouldn’t, I’ll always remember you. We’re friends right?”
“Yeah…”
“Then let me help you, that’s what friends do. They help each other, and I’m not about to stand here and watch you throw your life away. You’re not alone, and I know it’s hard.”
“Does it get easier…?”
“No. It doesn’t. But you learn to live with that pain, and you just grow around it, but you have to be willing to just try, if you take that step, if you let yourself go, you’ll never know what will happen in your future.”
You shrugged a little.
“I don’t have one…”
“You don’t know that. How about we find out, together? Yeah?”
“What if you leave too…?”
Negan smiled softly at you.
“I’m not going anywhere kid.”
“You can’t say that…”
“Maybe not, but I don’t give a shit. I mean I’m in a cell, do you really think I’m running off anywhere?”
You shook your head.
“Come on, come down now.”
You looked down at the ground, and Negan took this as his chance to run forward and grab you, pulling you down.
He fell over with a heavy thud and slight groan of pain, and you fell to the side, sitting on your knees as you cried.
Negan sat up, pulled you into a hug, placing his hand on the back of your head.
“I’m sorry…” you cried quietly.
“It’s alright… you’re okay…”
Negan held you tightly, sighing heavily, running his hand up and down your back.
“Don’t you ever try anything like this again…”
Negan placed a hand on your arm.
“And stop hurting yourself… you don’t deserve this pain…” he whispered
#the walking dead#the walking dead x y/n#the walking dead x you#the walking dead x reader#the walking dead imagine#twd#twd x y/n#twd x you#twd x reader#twd imagine#Negan smith#negan smith x reader#negan smith x you#negan smith x y/n#Negan smith imagine
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fried egg I'm in love
Eddie makes you breakfast.
Contains: Eddie x Reader, fem!reader, established relationship, pet names, Eddie fries you some eggs because you should always eat breakfast before a big day. No mention of reader’s physical appearance, no use of Y/N.
Warnings: mentions of food & eating (obvi).
Word Count: 1,200-ish
i am completely delighted by @mcbeanzontoast 's artwork and these sweet lil drawings (1, 2) of Eddie are all i can think about, thank u for the inspo bb! <3
btw srry if this isn't how you like your eggs or if u hate alt-rock themed puns. but personally i feel very strongly about the over-medium thing.
“Eddie. Eddie.”
There’s still no response from the motionless lump on the bed. He’s twisted up in the thin, pilled sheets like he tried to fight them and lost.
His breathing is slow and even, clearly still in a deep sleep. You hope his dreams are pleasant, but not so pleasant that he’ll be upset with you for what you’re about to do.
You lean closer to where you think his ear might be. It’s hidden under a mass of thick curls, but you're pretty sure you’re in the right spot.
“Eddie!”
It comes out even louder than you intended. Oops.
“Huh!”
Eddie jolts awake and tries to roll over, but only succeeds in tangling himself further in the bedding. He squirms and struggles against the taut fabric for a minute, before giving up and letting his body go limp. His face scrunches against the brightness of the room, peering at you with squinted eyes.
You, who have already been awake for an hour. You, who have already washed and dressed and tidied yourself up. You, who are looking at him rather expectantly…? His full lips pull down in a frown.
“What gives?” he grumbles, unhappy to be conscious before noon. As usual.
“Sorry honey, but you didn’t hear me the first four times I tried.”
He sighs, then lets out a sudden gasp. He tries to sit upright, lurching sideways, still thrashing against that damn sheet. “Your interview!”
Bingo!
“Yes, my interview,” you say, too amused and in love with him to be exasperated. “Don’t worry, we still have plenty of time. But you can barely function when you first wake up and I can’t have you falling asleep behind the wheel. I figured I’d get you up now so you have time to adjust.” You reach out and cup his face, rubbing a thumb over his stubbly cheek.
He turns his head in your hand so he can kiss your palm. “Good thinkin', sweetheart. That’s why you’re the brains of this operation.”
You help untangle him and wander out into the kitchen while he heads for the bathroom. Because even bone-deep exhaustion is no match for Eddie's mouth, he pokes his head out so he can talk to you. “How’re you feeling, baby?” The words are garbled and foamy with toothpaste.
“Okay,” you call back from your seat at the table. Well, that’s kind of a lie. “Actually, I’m really nervous, but that’s normal, I guess.”
You really want this job to work out. Eddie’s dying for you to come and live with him in his apartment, but you want a little more financial stability before you move out of your place. You promised him that once you landed a higher paying job you would take the leap. The shiny prospect of perpetual domesticity with your favorite boy is riding on this position, and it's making you gut-wrenchingly antsy.
“You’re gonna be great!” he shouts from around his toothbrush.
Eddie joins you in the kitchen, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He’s in nothing but his boxers and mismatched wool socks. One is maroon, the other is green with stripes. “Great. You hear me? They’d be lucky to have you. In fact, you should be interviewing them, asking why they deserve to be your employer.” He’s teasing you, but he also means it.
Your stomach flutters at the praise, and at the sight of all that skin he’s showing. You know in your heart that he’s still so warm from sleep.
He yawns, and stretches dramatically. “Have you eaten yet?”
You chuckle and shake your head. “No way. No appetite.”
“Well, you gotta eat. You need fuel on a day like today.” He crosses his arms and frowns at you.
That's humorous, coming from the guy who attended six years of high school running on nothing but mini-pretzels and Mountain Dew. “Eddie, I’m way too anxious to eat right now.”
“Listen, you’ll feel worse if you don’t eat. Because if you don’t have something in your belly, and you’re nervous, you’ll get lightheaded and pass out in the middle of the interview, in which case you won’t get the job, 'cause then they’ll all be thinking, ‘This girl has the temperament of a fragile Victorian woman. Why is she even here? She should be sent to the seaside for her health.’ You know?”
“I…guess so?”
“Trust me, sweetheart, you have to eat breakfast. Let me make you something.”
The Something in question is simple: toast with butter, and fried eggs, over-medium. “Runny enough to dip, but cooked enough so there’s no snotty white stuff,” he says sagely. “It’s the only way to eat 'em.”
You hum in agreement, but you’re more focused on the way he looks standing half-naked in front of the stove, spatula in hand, a cigarette dangling from his lips.
He insists on making your portion first, sliding the plate in front of you and kissing your head when it’s done. “Eat up, doll.”
You thank him quietly and start to eat, watching as he goes through the process over again for himself. Now that he’s taken care of you, some of the tiredness he was staving off returns. His movements get clumsier as his attention oscillates between assembling his breakfast and being your personal cheerleader. He bumps into the counter, nearly burns his fingertips on the stove, and knocks over a glass of orange juice, but steadfastly refuses your offer to take over. Stubborn. You put a pot of coffee on for him.
You feel calmer now, watching his ministrations, listening to his reassurances. You've found that Eddie’s presence seems to be the salve for all your silly little troubles. His throaty morning-voice and dimpled smile send a rush of warmth through you, putting you at ease, like a cup of something hot on a cold day. You feel so lucky to be loved by him.
While you’re adoring him, trying not to get misty-eyed thinking about it, your sweet boy’s about to transfer his second egg to his plate. He's almost done it when he’s wracked with another full-body yawn. It's powerful enough that his eyes close, and his arm jerks the wrong way, and the egg slips out of the pan. It hits the kitchen floor with a wet slap.
Quickly, he looks down, then at you, and then back at the egg. In one swift motion he scoops it up off the floor. “Five second rule.”
You wrinkle your nose. “Ed…” You’re tempted to chastise him more thoroughly because who knows when that floor was last cleaned? Certainly not Eddie. But the way he’s doting on you today makes you hold your tongue.
He shrugs. “Fine. I’ll wash it off.”
He turns the sink on so a thin stream of water comes out. He picks the egg up with his hands, and holds it under the faucet, turning it carefully so that each side gets a gentle rinse. It gets tossed casually back onto the plate.
Completely unbothered, he joins you at the table and digs in.
He finally catches the look on your face. Without swallowing the huge bite of food he just popped in his mouth, he goes -
“What?”
Afterwards, Eddie drives you to your interview just like he promised he would. When you emerge from the building some thirty odd minutes later, feeling victorious, he's right there to celebrate with you.
Neither of you say it, but you're both thinking the same thing. One bed. One kitchen table. One little apartment. One home.
#eddie munson#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x female reader#stranger things fanfiction#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson oneshot
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“Ain’t Shit.” - c.springer
(part two here.) (part four here.)
part 3
you and connie always get into what seems like your final argument.
more arguing, mentions of violence, heavy weed smoking, cursing, overthinking, angst.
you weren’t scared of connie.
i mean, he always promised to never hurt you in any way you wouldn’t want or any way where it was out of pure violence. and he always kept that promise, even when you two were on and off. even when you were on bad terms or even when he was so mad at you, he didn’t even wanna speak to you.
and you hated yourself a little for questioning whether he was gonna keep that promise tonight.
so you were in the passenger side of ony’s car. he didn’t trust you enough with your own, making sasha and mikasa drive yours to your house.
you stared at the floor of the car, resting your elbow on the door. your nail had a bandaid around it. “you good?” ony glanced over at you. your left hand rested between your thighs for comfort. you nodded. your outfit had went from a party outfit to just that same crop top and a pair of shorts.
“why you lookin all depressed and shit?” he asked again, eyes on the road. “i’m not.” you spoke back. ony frowned and looked at you. “nah, for real? cus i ain’t never seen yo ass like this.” he played with his earring as one hand was on the steering wheel. “why are you tryna make it seem like it’s not normal to be quiet?” you chuckled a little to brush away the unintentional sad look on your face.
“that shit ain’t normal for you.” he mumbled. you looked at him and stared for a while.
“you think connie mad at me?” you asked. “connie? oh hell yeah, that niggas is pissed. like straight up.” he answered. you smacked your lips. “ony, i’m being for real.” you furrowed your eyebrows.
“what? you think i’m not?”
you paused. “…you serious?”
“what i just say.” he looked at you.
you frowned at him and rolled your eyes. “you really make me sick, bro.” you mumbled. “so you regret what you did.” he said. “hell naw. he cheated on me and tried to make me jealous, i only flirted with one nigga since we stopped talking.” you defended yourself, but ony hummed mid sentence.
“but the thing is, you fucked wit’ the opps.” he corrected you. you squinted. “okay so it’s good that he can cheat but i can’t fuck with somebody he don’t like? you saw him flirting with another bitch right there.” you sat up a little.
“he was flirting with somebody you don’t like, he wasn’t flirting with one of yo’ opps. that’s different. and fucked up.”
you stared at him again before sighing and sitting back. “i’m not even bouta talk to you right now.” you said. ony shrugged and sat back, resting his arm on the door.
ony was always like your big brother, and you always went to him when mikasa and sasha weren’t available. especially about connie, he’s the one that kept getting y’all back together in the first place. but you hated to be told the right thing. he spoke his mind, only sugar coated a little to not make you mad, but you just despised when someone told you something different from your original thought.
you knew he was telling the truth tho.
you stayed silent the whole ride until he finally made it to his house, where everybody else was, normally after every party. you got out the car, walking up to the door and opening it, waiting for him when you went behind the stairs.
he walked in front of you, opening the basement door. like just at the party, your nose filled with the scent of weed. you slowly walked in behind him, all eyes on you.
“y/nnn!” sasha smiled, waving you over to her. you smiled and waved back. mikasa was sitting beside eren and jean was beside armin, they were cracking silent jokes, seemingly.
“this one got all mad in the car when i tried to tell her right from wrong.” ony nudged the back of your head. you smacked his hand and rolled your eyes. “that’s why she always getting into a fight.” eren said while rolling up a blunt.
you sat beside sasha while grabbing the blunt from her, hitting it for a few seconds before exhaling and putting your phone in your lap.
the whole basement went silent as everyone did their thing. but what you didn’t dare to do was look up in front of you, because you’d be looking straight at connie. and you could tell he was piercing holes in your forehead as you picked your phone up again to find something to distract yourself with.
“so… what happened? between you and brooklyn. i mean— i saw everything but… y’know.” sasha said. “she beat her ass, that’s what happened.” jean mumbled, passing his blunt to armin while armin played some game on his phone.
“it’s really nothing now. i don’t care bout her.” you shrugged. “really.” ony raised his eyebrow. “ony shut up.” mikasa laughed as you grabbed the blunt you and sasha shared again. “nah she was so quick to beat her ass and wanna act like a baby now.” he chuckled a little while glancing at you.
“okay you act like you don’t be fighting a lot.” you looked at him. “i fight when i have to, not when i feel like i want to.” he mumbled before grabbing a bottle of tequila and drinking it.
“well she was being a bitch.” you mumbled with a shrug.
everyone went silent once again. and your eyes, who apparently have a mind of their own, moved over to connie who stared at you with low, bored eyes of his own.
the stare held for a good couple seconds. you didn’t know what he was thinking or what he wanted to say, but when ony moved over to sit beside him, you looked at sasha, who looked at you and then connie.
“y’all not gon’ try to make up?” armin suddenly spoke, glancing at you and connie.
“i’m not finna keep apologizing for stuff that don’t even be my fault.” connie said, slouching down on the circular couch. you squinted at him.
“don’t do that.” you mumbled while blowing smoke. “what? defend myself for the… fifth time?” he cocked his head back a little. you frowned. “connie, you act like you wasn’t rubbing all up on her ass and shit.” you sat up and held your hand out.
“y/n, you was kissing on floch and shit. dude was grabbing yo ass and shit. now if it was any other mu’fucka then i’d let that shit slide. but yo ass fuckin wit the opps.” he sat up. “might as well be one.”
you raised your eyebrows and your lips parted a little. “oh that’s what we doin now? nigga-“
“cut that shit out now, talk like adults.” jean waved at both of you.
“i don’t give a fuck.” you frowned. “shit, and you think i do?” connie laughed a little. that laughing shit pissed you off, especially when you was being deadass. you stared at him for a few seconds before standing up. “i’m finna get a drink.” you mumbled before walking towards the door.
you walked upstairs from the basement before walking to onys kitchen, going in the fridge to get a bottle of water.
why couldn’t you just be high?
~
“she piss me off with that shit bro.” connie mumbled, already getting mad. everybody looked at him. “you know how she is connie, she get mad easy, you get mad easy, y’all need to stop that shit.” mikasa shook her head, mixing some of her wine with orange juice, trying not to get too waisted again.
“straight up. y’all need to stop all that arguing and then fucking two hours after. ‘shit don’t make you happy, cus two days later yall finna be arguing bout the same shit.” jean spoke, eyes slowly getting pink from the smoke that burned his eyes from time to time.
connie stared at the floor. “i gotta piss.” he stood up to walk out of the basement.
~
you closed the fridge, opening the bottle of water to drink a little. “not tryna get drunk.” you whispered to yourself before downing the water.
you heard the bathroom door close as you leaned on the counter, wiping some water that dripped down the corner of your lips. you swallowed the last bit before staring down at the counter, exhaling and biting your lip.
you heard a noise behind you before turning your head, seeing connie.
you stared at each other for a couple seconds.
“what you doin in here?” you asked. “came to get space. thought you would’ve been back in the basement by now.” he said, opening the fridge to get a bottle of water. you stared at him and his movements, unintentionally backing away a little as he closed the refrigerator.
he paused and looked at you. “what’s wrong witchu?” he asked before drinking his water. “nothing.” you frowned at him. “why you acting like that?” he said quietly. you tilted your head forward. “like… what?” you leaned on the counter while looking at the ground.
connie shook his head, putting the water bottle back in the refrigerator before closing it again.
you looked at him as his back was towards you. you bit your lip softly. “you…” you started, but didn’t know what to say.
he raised his eyebrows at you, glancing at you.
“you still mad?”
he turned towards you and looked you in the eye. you didn’t know what he was thinking, just like all tonight.
“go back with the group before me.” was all he said before hopping on the counter.
you tilted your head a little. but choosing not to start another argument, you left the kitchen and went into the basement.
god, you wanted to punch him hard. and tell him how he really hurt you. but you wanted to kiss him, and tell him you forgave him, and how it was petty of you to do the things you did, and how you didn’t mean it.
“where’s connie?” sasha asked.
you looked at her and raised your eyebrows. “i didn’t know he left. ion know.” you said before sitting down.
everyone continued their conversation, and you stared at the ground, hands resting under your thighs. he really didn’t care anymore.
he didn’t.
you didn’t realize that your eyes were starting to burn. they also darted around the room, trying to make sure no one else saw you.
that’s when connie entered the room. his eyes only on you for a second before he walked over to ony, laughing at a joke he told.
your throat started to hurt and burn.
don’t cry. don’t cry. don’t cry. please don’t cry.
cry. cry. cry. cry. cry right now.
the same things repeating in your head. you inhaled deeply, looking at the ceiling.
you’ll be okay.
‘ex factor’ on REPEAT while making the last part. 😣 almost made myself cry shiddd.
part 4? :)
#aot headcanons#aot x reader#angst headcanons#connie springer#connie x reader#poc reader#aot angst#aot connie#connie springer x black reader#connie x black reader
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This Week in BL - I'm DELIGHTED by so much goodness, also I lust after a boy's robot's pants
Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.
Feb 2024 Wk 1
Ongoing Series - Thai
The Sign (Sat YT) ep 11 of 12 - I support the fact that the producers seem to have decided that even in uniform Yai never needs to wear sleeves. Hear hear.
No sleeves for Yai ever again!
On the other hand, why doesn’t anyone ever wear gloves? Going around touching evidence all willy nilly like that.
No to sleeves. Yes to gloves.
People. Sheesh. Get with the program.
Anygay, this is such a fun show. I could watch 50 episodes of this abject nonsense. I’m sad it’s gonna be ending. And I don’t say that often about Thai BL.
Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 12 of 14 - Oh has Jeff been kidnapped again? Here, let's throw fruit at Babe and think about it for a bit. Tra la la. Trash watch happening here.
Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 9 of 12 - They are such very good boyfriends. Also, this is a ton of kissing for OffGun. I’m at a loss as to how they are going to turn this into a decent 12 ep show. Unfortunately, I’ve foresee it going off the rails - pacing seems off.
For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - We have our little No Comebacks twist. The sides are growing on me, but now the mains are boring me. The sudden gun-toting new characters are just weird. It’s like they took the script and just threw it down a staircase, gathered it back up again, then filmed that.
City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 1 of 12 - Fueang is an actor in the midst of crisis and scandal. Normally I don’t like Thai BL when it’s tackles celebrity and this is... yep, the same. Our actor is pitted against an older worried nerdy app developer, Krom. And I feel that dynamic - hyung romance, jock/nerd? Very nice. But it’s also very Star Hunter. Never met a trope they didn’t wanna do a million times over - in the very first episode. Also I think I’m not a fan of the actor playing the lead.
My Universe (Sun iQIYI) ep 24fin - The blond who comes to get his hair shaved looks just like Fluke T (SOTUS et al). And even more like him after the shaving (My Bromance et al). Is that him? MDL doesn't say.
Anygay... something something: Orphan. Cancer. Kisses. Dream. Death. 'Bout what I expected. 2/10 even with a decent kiss I don’t do dream sequences and I don’t like death in my BL
All in all, I’m relieved that that’s over. The series is a slog. And in general I don’t recommend it. I plan to promptly forget its entire existence.
Ongoing Series - Not Thai
Love For Love's Sake (Korea Weds iQIYI) eps 3-4 of 8 - There is so much to adore about this show. The two younger guys who are suddenly in competition for the one older one. You know hyung romances are my favs. A hyung love triangle? COME ON. Also, I got to say this one’s giving me second lead syndrome. I do love me a brat. Add in all this on honorific play and linguistic flirting (as their should be in age gap). This is just THE BEST show.
Look I gotta say this: the "Who did this to you?" trope (AKA who hurt you?) is the single most popular romance trope right now, remarkable to see it turn up in a BL. And pleasing. Trust Korea to be ON TREND. It's their national agenda. *respect*
Perfect Propose (Japan Fri Gaga) eps 1-2 of 6 - From Fuji TV (who brought us the Pornographer series) adapted from Mayo Tsurakame’s manga, production team includes Tadaaki Horai (My Love Mix-Up!) and Takeshi Miyamoto (scriptwriter for Old Fashion Cupcake). Hiro’s so stressed at work he barely has time to eat so he passes out on the sidewalk. An unfamiliar face saves him and insists that they once promised to marry each other.
Ready?
Oh I fucking love it. Sullen, out gay, younger seme with serious grumpy overprotective tendencies and beautiful possessive cat eyes? Well, it’s not dimples, but it’s still my catnip. Also they are moving very quickly. Hand jobs already? + dub con seasoning? Say it with me everyone:
Oh Japan, must you?
Apparently, you must. And I must enjoy it. Carry on.
Please reread those producer creds and understand what we are in for. Okay? I would urge you to avoid this one if you get squeamish when JBL does what... JBL does.
AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) eps 1-2 of 10 - I really enjoy the character of an OCD intellectual automaton professor, contrasted to a warm and sunshine actual robot. Out the gate, this is oozing Taiwanese domesticity, we can only hope they juice it with their usual standard of heat too.
All puns aside: It’s charming and I’m charmed. Does Taiwan finally have another winner on its hands?
I do adore Taiwan's aesthetics: The house designs, the suit designs, the human designs. I wouldn't say no to the robot’s pants either. Very cool. Can I order them in black?
Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - The birthday confession was a bit much. But I love how mature the reactions were. It reminded me a little bit of I Cannot Reach You. Always a good thing.
Girl: I like you.
Sakae: sorry, not intersted
Girl: what am I lacking?
Sakae: a dick
What you mean it didn’t go that way?
Happy Ending (Korea Tues YT) 2 of 3 - Oh it’s lovely, exactly as I expect from Strongberry.
I gotta say all of the above are pretty neck & neck for top spots for entirely different reasons. BL is seriously giving right now!
Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 8fin - In the end this is mostly a piece about courage, and the rewards and disappointments that being courageous entails. Sadly, I personally didn’t have the courage to enjoy it. Featuring a chaos nugget bad boy student who falls madly in love with his teacher, this should’ve been My Thing. But Japan failed me. It happens sometimes. The leads had no chemistry, and the age gap rather than being a narrative driver and source of conflict, was just ignored. 7/10
It's Done
What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.
The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam so I assume it's on YouTube. I never even noticed. Anyone got a link?
Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - Is TRUST Entertainment bringing us the first ever Burmese BL? I don't know if it's really the first, but @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch through.
The Whisperer (Thai Horror) - @all-you-had-to-do-was-neigh commented with the following: "MASSIVE content warning for extreme ableism, homophobia, and rape plots done for shock value. I don't recommend it, and if any of your followers decide to watch it proceed with caution."
So... yeah, I won't be watching it.
It's Airing But...
[NO INTERNATIONAL] Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - yeah Japan put the smack down on our boys. Sadness. You can use a VPN if you like. Read all about it here.
Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.
Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.
7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 12 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if safe.
Dead Friend Forever (Thai Sat iQIYI) 12 eps - horror, meh, tell me if it's worth my time?
Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - dropped it at ep 4.
Next Week Looks Like This:
Still Coming in Feb
2/17 A Secretly Love (Thai WeTV) - Khonprot, a third-year head hazer of the engineering faculty, has a secret crush on Pluem, a tsundere fourth-year head hazer. Over the years, he's seen Pluem cycle through many girlfriends. Recently, after a public breakup, however, Khonprot thinks maybe a boy has a chance.
2/24 Unknown (Taiwan Youku) 12 eps - Older brother tough guy criminal breadwinner looks after his sister and defacto adopted little brother. Little bother falls in love with him and is sent away after a stolen kiss. But when he comes back…
Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.
THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS
GMMTV is officially stalking me.
I do love OffGun's particular brand of domesticity. It's fun that they and TayNew are both getting to be so soft on our screens. It's very comforting, like a family favorite warm toddy. (Cooking Crush)
Korea, what's gotten into you? Are you feeling okay? Such bold weaponized gayness isn't like you at all. (Love for Love's Sake)
The Sign, forcing me to ask the eternal question.
I LOVES THEM YOUR HONOR. (Pit Babe)
(Last week)
#pit babe the series#alanjeff#pit babe#the sign#the sign the series#the sign is the best#cooking crush#offgun#thai bl#Love For Love's Sake#who hurt you#who did this to you#Perfect Propose#japanese bl#korean bl#AntiReset#Taiwanese bl#Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka#although i love you and you#Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun#Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun review#happy ending the series#strongberry#Love Supremacy Zone#isekai
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Dos and Don’ts IV
A/N: hello my loves this final part to this fic completes the birth of one of my favourite fics I’ve written. Thank you for reading and enjoying it just as much—every like, comment, and dm meant the world <3
Parts: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4
—————————————————
We have an extra day in Barcelona and the team is buzzing to enjoy their nightlife since we could sleep all day tomorrow. I’d visited here while I was a uni student so I give some suggestions.
Harry’s a little on edge the whole time. Earlier today some headline from a musician Harry worked with was taken out of context and thus took the internet by storm. Now he was being flooded with people wanting to know his thoughts and feelings. It was a hot topic.
With a joint effort of me, Jeff, and Graham, we tried to keep the spotlight on his Barcelona show. Well my role was mostly to screen Harry from seeing any further discourse online.
The show itself was one of the loudest I’d been to—I was glad I had my own ear protection. The tense Harry falls away and he’s electric on stage. Even coming backstage he’s on a high; he hugs the crew and thanks everyone like he usually did at the end of shows and disappears into his dressing room with Jeff. They look like they’re talking intensely.
“So,” Sarah slides in beside me. “We noticed you’re a bit different coming back. What’s happened?”
I try to play dumb but the girls keep pushing.
“Me and my fiancé ended things,” I confess. They gasp, Claire’s eyes actually fill with tears.
“Shh!” I shush them. “Keep it on the down low please I don’t want anyone to know.”
“But y/n why are you even here!? Is it because of tour! I’m sure Harry could have rearranged things-“
“No no,” I appreciated their support but I didn’t want to hash things out. “It’s just…I think it was a long time coming. God, I don’t wanna cry. I’m good. For now. And I want to be on tour I need the distraction.”
“I get it,” they sympathize. “We’re gonna make you forget so hard tonight.”
“Okay but don’t,” I look around us to make sure there was nobody else around. “Please don’t tell Harry. Seriously please. I don’t want him to know especially. I don’t want him to treat me differently or something.”
“Lips are sealed.” Sarah zips her mouth. “But we can all tell you’re off. It’s hard not to practically living together these last couple months. If he asks we’ll say…”
“Just say she’s on a break?” Charlie suggests.
“Yeah,” I shrug. “Things are complicated, I’m on a break, whatever that’s fine.”
The girls lean towards me and envelop me in a hug. It reminds me of my friends I’d said goodbye to.
“Thanks,” I say through tears.
And the girls hold me to their promise.
After we get dressed for the night—I chose a corset-style top and trousers—we head out. The sun dips below the horizon and the old city is cast in a warm orange glow that could inspire anyone who set eyes on it. String lights come on and music plays from various doors; the city is alive.
We tease each other about looking so glam as we wander the narrow cobblestone streets. Aside from the shows we all wore sweats and tees.
Every place we pass sets my senses alight. We grab tapas from a place that smells irresistible and chat over each other about tonight’s wicked show. I continue avoiding Harry by sitting as far away from him as I can get.
As we wander off in search of the club I can’t help but feel a twinge at how incredibly romantic the moonlit streets felt.
The club is loud and alive, the noise levels even feel normal after the roar of the last few of Harry’s shows. My mood starts shooting up steadily as I drink in the energy around me.
We join the crowd and I give away my worries and my annoyances to enjoy the music. I feel it in my chest and for a blissful moment I’m grateful for my whole damn life despite everything.
“Cute guy!” Someone shouts in my ear.
Charlie nudges me to one of the guys dancing nearby. “Get distracted!”
I shake my head no.
“Do it!” She cheers. It barely travels to me. She grabs Claire’s hand and tugs her, letting her in on the plan and they goad me into going for it.
I motion a drink. I’d need another shot for the courage.
We trail back to the bar and do a round of shots, and they grin with thumbs up as I hesitantly enter the crowd again.
The dude they pointed out is tall and beautiful. Like beautiful not even handsome. I get stuck looking up at him in awe, he wasn’t really my type. A tad too pretty boy but when he notices me looking he smiles and I’m won over. I couldn’t deny a good smile.
“Hey!” He turns his body to me. At least I think he say hey.
“Hey!” I shout back.
“Que pasa?”
“What?!” I couldn’t hear a single thing. What did I expect.
He smiles and takes my hand that had been anxiously playing with the edge of my top. The other has a hand splint that I’d received in Madrid. Apparently I sprained my fingers.
The stranger wriggles both my hands to loosen them, raising his brow at the splint. I laugh.
He asks in my ear but I don’t understand. It sounds like a question, something bylar. When I scrunch my brows he laughs, “Dance! We dance!?”
“Dance!” I laugh. He was cute! “Yes! I want to dance with you!”
“Vamos,” he pulls me in. I understood that at least.
I used to do this in uni, I think. I should be able to do it again.
He teases me a little because I’m so tense. His hands knead down my back to my waist to get me to relax. It feels nice, being touched by a man that looks like he was carved from marble but filled with music.
I begin to find my rhythm and sway with him, eventually letting go completely. He compliments me as I start to move with him and pretty soon I’ve channeled my 20-year-old self. It feels pretty spectacular.
When his lips ghost my cheek I don’t protest. Right now, I felt good. Everything was on the back burner’s back burner and I felt grounded in this nighclub with this random stranger who was paying attention to me, just me. And it’s just us. And it’s just temporary. And I feel good.
When I turn around, my back to his chest, he moves my hair to the side and kisses down my neck. It felt good.
I run my hand up into his hair and he moves lower murmuring foreign words on my skin, our bodies still dancing in the same language, his hands still gripping my waist and my hips. I feel blissed out.
It ends in a split second.
“What are you doing?” Harry’s suddenly tugging me towards him. His mouth makes the words I just fill them in with his annoyingly bossy voice.
“Hey man,” the guy I’m dancing with tries to get in between us.
“What are you doing!?” I snatch my hand away from Harry.
Harry puts his hand on my partner’s chest and says something to him, maybe in Spanish. He looks at me with puppy dog eyes and I look at Harry. What had he said.
“What did you say?” I ask. I try to call back my dancing partner but he just salutes me with a smile and fades into the crowd. No wait, I’m being dragged away.
“Y/n what are you doing out there?”
“What am I doing?” I shout. “What are you?! I was having a nice time with that guy what did you say to him?”
He walks away, further back into the edges of the club. There’s a few people milling about with a number of them involved in heavy makeout sessions.
Harry turns to face me finally. “You’re engaged y/n, Claire and Sarah said things are complicated at home is that why you’re doing this?”
“What!” I throw my hands up, tears prick my eyes. What the fuck was his problem! Since when did he care? “Why do you care?! Yes, things are complicated and I was getting my mind off of said things—what is your issue? You want to drag me back here and remind me of how shitty things have been?”
“This isn’t the way,” Harry insists. “You don’t even know that guy!”
“Whatever I’m over this convo.”
I turn to leave but Harry grabs my hand, the one in the splint, and pulls me back.
“Sorry,” he lets go of the splint. Then picks it up again. “Look. I’m worried about you. This isn’t you, you’re not the girl that goes home with another guy when your fiancé is back at home! I just don’t want you making any regrets.”
“Oh is that it,” I step towards him so my hand isn’t so outstretched. He stands still but on my second step he inches back. “Since when did you get a high horse huh? Don’t tell me who I am and who I’m not. You barely know me! If I want to make decisions I regret I can do that. They’re mine to make.”
“No. Y/n, as mad as you are don’t go home with a stranger.”
“As if you don’t!” I scoff. “What’s your real agenda here? What’s going on?”
“Nothing!” He insists.
“Why do you suddenly care so much about my chastity?”
“It’s for your own good!”
He’s lying. I know he’s lying and I don’t know why he pulled me away from my beautiful Spanish dance partner but I was actually relaxing and now he’s put me right back into this crazed and tense headspace I kept finding myself in.
Fine, I decide. I could make him regret it.
“Really? You care about my morality that much?” I ask.
With my hand flat on his chest I’ve pushed him further into the wall behind him. He watches me with a guarded look.
But I want him unguarded, vulnerable. The same way he’s made me feel. I lean in, “Are you really worried about the technicalities of me cheating on my fiancé?”
I hover a half foot from his lips. Finally his eyes flicker down to my lips and I know I’ve got him.
I slide my hand up his chest and when my hand inches up the skin of his throat his eyes grow unguarded and heady with lust. He doesn’t push me away. He doesn’t say no.
Hypocrite.
I drop my hand.
“That’s what I thought Mr. Styles.”
I watch for a wonderful moment as the lust clears from his eyes and he realizes what happened. Shame, embarrassment, resignation, and then anger.
I spin on my heel and head away from him. He could deal with the consequences of his actions all on his own.
I’m half-afraid he’ll come after me but luckily I make it out of the club alone.
“He’s such a dick,” I say more to myself. Just to get it out because I’m pissed. “Who the fuck does he think he is!?”
My night is over. I just want to take this all off and forget about it. Maybe I can lock myself in my room and raid the mini-fridge, get drunk and cry myself to sleep. Those seemed like the best options right now.
I take an uber to the hotel. As I walk up to it I notice a weird crowd outside. For nearly 2am I wasn’t expecting this and my instincts kick in that this wasn’t normal. Especially when I notice all the camera straps.
“Excuse me,” I ask the front desk. “Why are there a bunch of paparazzi outside?”
“Is there?” The man behind the counter asks. “Sorry we will tell them to leave. Are you staying with us?”
“That’s a privacy concern out there, and a concern with your staff because they’re here. How do they know who’s staying here?!”
It seems to dawn on him I wasn’t just asking out of curiosity. He promises me he’ll get management. In the meantime I call Jeff and explain the situation. He starts to panic the way I hated, looking for something to blame. He calls Graham who sounds like he’s driving in nascar. It’s a very noisy and over-stimulating conversation.
“Call Harry!” Jeff orders. “Tell him he cannot go back to the hotel no matter what! Fucking vultures man!”
“Y/N,” Graham says in a calmer voice. “You need to go back to where Harry is with some sort of disguise. A hat or sunglasses. That sort of thing-“
“It’s night.”
“Yes night. No glasses. Book the closest hotel you can find. Tell his band they can come back, but to go through the back. They might get spotted but they’re trained on dodging questions. That will keep the vultures there waiting for Harry and we can pick you two up back to the airport tomorrow morning. Where’s after this?”
“Glasgow,” I bite my nail as I think. I had to call Harry asap. What if he was on his way back. “I gotta go now to call him though. Talk later.”
I hang up and call Harry. He picks up the second time.
I explain the situation and he reacts the same way as Jeff, swearing and cursing the papps. I tell him what I was going to do and tell him to go right back into the club. To pass on the word to the team even though I was going to send them a text.
I head up to my room and grab what fits in my bag. I didn’t have Harry’s room key so I decide he’d have to wear my hat and head back out. The vultures stay waiting, now just a few feet further away from the entrance.
I speak briefly to management—I figured Jeff could talk to them and give his classic earful.
On the drive I find a nearby hotel to the club and collect Harry to get him there. We’re too tense to talk when we meet up. Once inside again, I tell him to sit in the lounge while I go up to the desk.
Act above it all, I channel a rich bitch. We needed privacy and we needed nobody to know Harry was here.
“Hi I need a room.” I say.
“Of course, how many night will you be staying with us.”
I glance back to see where Harry sits. He’s in a wingback chair that’s mostly turned away and with his hair stuffed in the baseball cap you can hardly tell it’s him.
“Just a night. I need your best room please.”
“Absolutely,” the woman smiles and I feel bad for only giving a tight-lipped smile back. I wait as she clicks away, finally looking back to me with a slight frown. “So miss unfortunately we are very booked tonight. There are a couple events going on in the city making things very popular.”
“The best room will do. Preferably large.”
“Well,” she hesitates. “A lot of our larger rooms are taken um. I can offer you a bed with one king, it is a bit smaller because it’s by the elevators. I also have one with a queen that is tucked away in the corner with a better view.”
I wanted to be as far away from Harry as possible but by an elevator was asking for trouble.
“Well, I’d rather stay far away from noise so we’ll take the queen.”
“Is that just you or…” she glances at Harry.
“Yes. Two. We’ve had a rough day of travel he’s just resting.”
I hand over ID and my card, trying not to balk at the total. At least I’ll get reimbursed.
“Do you have any bags?” The concierge swoops in as I get the key card.
“No! No. Like I said, bad travel day. We just need somewhere to sleep and we’ll reunite with the bags once they arrive tomorrow.”
They leave us alone after that. I hoped it was because I’d been standoffish enough and not plain weird.
The elevator ride up to the 8th floor is stony and I spend the spare second to text Jeff and Graham the hotel’s address.
The room itself is pretty sub-par and the adrenaline of getting Harry here safely wears off.
I drop my bag by the door and pull out my toiletry bag.
“I don’t have clothes for you to change into, I didn’t have your room key.”
“Yeah. S’fine. I’ll just sleep shirtless unless that bothers you.”
We stare at each other for a tense moment.
“I’m fine with that, you’re the one with the high horse.”
After doing all this for him I wasn’t going to be easy to deal with if he wasn’t going to be easy to deal with.
He chooses to ignore me.
“How the fuck did they know I was staying there? We were under a-“
His phone rings and he answers. Sounds like Jeff.
I use the time to go to the bathroom and finally take off the makeup. I realize I should have grabbed my pjs from my bag too. I take my hair down and massage my scalp with my fingers, letting myself calm down despite the aggressive voices outside.
“Yeah whatever. Keep me updated.” I hear. Great. That was done with.
I leave the bathroom and Harry’s still pacing the floor.
“You’re gonna wear the carpet down if you keep doing that.”
He stops and looks at me, his eyes trail down my body.
“You didn’t bring yourself a change of clothes either?”
“You wish,” I head for my bag again and grab the tee and shorts. “I just forgot them out here.”
“Do you always have to be so snarky?”
Oh, so he wanted to fight. Good news for him, so did I.
“Depends. With you? When you’re being a dick? Yeah. I do.”
“It’s really quite unbecoming.”
“Is it?” I mock his accent. “It’s not proper for a lady to be snarky?”
“I don’t sound like that. You just never let anything go.” He continues.
“I never let anything go?” I repeat.
“Yeah! Ever!”
“What do you want me to let go?” I ask.
“Everything. You’re bothered by everything just let it all fucking go.”
“No like specifically what should I let go?” I turn on him and with each question I stalk towards him. “Being treated like trash by you? Being told I’m replaceable and unnecessary? Getting bossed around about who I can and can’t dance with because you suddenly decide to be the morality police!?”
“Jesus take it down a notch y/n.” We’re fuming as we square off. “I’m not your bloody fiancé.”
“And thank fuck you’re not!” I throw the clothes in my hand on the bed. “You’re my employer Mr. Styles and I’ve been nothing but a good fucking employee for the last year! I try to keep my patience and do everything I can to do my best! You’re the one always trying to blur lines! You’re the one always getting in my damn business when I don’t pay you to!”
With every accusation I poke my finger into his chest and it’s like literally pushing buttons. His face gets stonier and stonier until I’m sure he’s going to crack.
“You wanna know what your fucking issue is?” He swipes my hand away.
“Oh sure tell me, wise Harry Styles who definitely has no issues at all. Tell me.”
“This. This is your fucking issue,” he spits. “You’ve always got such a temper on you! I’m not blurring any bloody lines I check up on you and you get all offended over nothing!”
“Over nothing?” I ask. I laugh sarcastically and walk away from him. I was seeing red. “Over nothing?”
“Yes! I don’t do shite and suddenly you’re trying to bite my dick off.”
“You fucking wish,” I turn on him. “It’s crazy you don’t realize what an absolute jackass you are! We should be refunding all those fans who’ve come out to see you because the man they’re paying for is a fake! You’ve treated me like nothing and embarrassed me countless time-“
“Embarrassed you,” he scoffs.
“Yes!” I go on. “What do you call what you said on our way to Paris huh? You can be so cruel! So if I have a temper it’s justified because you’re one of the worst people I’ve met!”
“What did I say?”
“Are you kidding? You’re going to make me repeat it?” He was crazy. He was depraved and absolutely insane. Or he just hated me.
“I’m not playing a game just tell me!”
“You said I could have skipped the whole tour and nobody would notice.” I say the words that had looped through my head. And of course, he has the audacity to look surprised. “Thanks. A lot! It makes it even worse that you were so casual with your cruelt-“
“You need to stop being so sensitive,” he has the nerve to say. “Then maybe you can manage your temper.”
“I can manage my temper any time but you’re moody like a pre-pubescent teen and that looks to be a lifetime fucking problem!”
“What’s your fucking problem Y/n! What is your problem with me!? Why do you still work for me if you are this angry all the time!”
“I’m not this angry all the time, you just makes me this angry! And I hate you for it!”
“Then quit!”
“Maybe I will!” I had to. After tonight and this blowout I had to. How could I work for Harry like this.
“Great! Then you can take your problems with you.”
“Don’t gaslight me,” how dare he. “You’re not innocent in this! You create my problems and blame me for being this way.”
“Whatever y/n.”
“No.” I wasn’t letting him off the hook. I get in his face again. “Why did you stop me tonight? Why did you keep me from doing what I wanted tonight?”
“What? I told you I was looking out-“
“Bullshit!” I cut him off. “That’s a bullshit excuse, I want to know why!?”
I feel like I’m made of flames and in desperate need of a lobotomy. How could one guy make me this crazy. How could it all revolve around him.
“I was doing it for your own good! But clearly I understand why it’s so fucking complicated with your partner-“
“Don’t you dare talk about him,” I seethe. I was mad. Fuming. I want to get physical, I wish I could throttle him or at the very least access one of the pillows from across the room and smash it to the floor. I want him to see how angry I am because my words are twisted with every angle Harry could find. I wanted him to admit to something he’s been skirting for a long time. “Tell me.”
Harry stares at me with hate in his eyes and I know I have the same look. I wasn’t going to let him get away.
“You don’t even have the balls to admit it,” I poke. “Is this why you’re so hard-headed to anything I say? Because you can’t even admit something like this to yourself?”
“Just shut the fuck up y/n and stop being so mental.”
“I refuse to shut up. I want you to talk.”
His breathing gets faster and I watch him flex his hand. He was as angry as I was. Good.
“You’re a fraud. And I hate you.” I step into his space. Our bodies are a hair’s breadth away from each other’s. I want to show him how mad he makes me. I want to do something. I want him to admit this thing he’s been dancing around. It makes me so mad!
When he starts to shake his head at me I lose it. Instinct takes over where I want to physically show him how angry he was making me. I grab his face in my hands and push my mouth against his. I meet teeth.
But it doesn’t take long for him to respond. To correct the unadulterated anger with purpose.
He pushes back, kissing me harder whilst pushing me against the wall. I feel sandwiched, my chest crushed against his and I bite down on his lip trying to get back some control.
My hands are all over him, grabbing his shirt, running through his hair, pushing under his shirt to touch skin. Harry does the same, pulling at my hair and lifting me onto him.
Our tongues clash together, his hand grabs my ass, squeezing and moving up. His hands feel hot on my skin, his metal rings an icy contrast. Neither of us want to give up control. We keep fighting, just now with our bodies.
“Why can’t you ever just let it go,” he traces his teeth over my collarbone. It all feels too much.
In response I push him back, he stares at me for a heated second before we crash into each other again. We don't care where we are. All that mattered was here and showing the other who was in control. Who hated who the most.
Harry pulls away, his mouth a deep pink from our fight. His eyes are half lidded, his pupils dilated. I can tell he wants this but a part of him hesitates.
"We're doing this," I commit, not taking my eyes off his lips.
"I’m doing this," he growls and lifts me up, any hesitancy washed away. I wrap my legs around him, not thinking about anything but what I was going to do.
He whirls me around and deposits me onto the bed, and his body covers mine while his mouth attack my neck.
He wasn't gentle or slow, but then again, I didn't want him to be. I pull off his shirt, not wanting anything between us, not caring that my nails would leave marks down his back. Leaving something permanent on him sounded exactly what I needed.
I tug on his hair as his teeth come down on my chest. I feel heated as he swears, “Teasing me with this top all night was a fucking sin y/n.”
“Fuck off,” I gasp as he figures out the row of clasps at the front and the icy rings of his fingers presses against my sternum. I grit my teeth, “I didn’t wear this for you.”
His abs contract as he pushes himself back up, his eyes dark as his hands find the clasp on my trousers, undoing them with ease and tugging them off. His other hand comes back up to tilt my chin up.
“D’you really hate me?” He asks.
“Yes,” I respond with zero hesitation.
He moves his body, covering mine with his own again. My breath catches in my throat as he presses his lips to my neck, slowly moving down. He drives me crazy with anticipation and I wriggle up to keep up the pace but he holds me in place. I let out a moan as he kisses my inner thighs, his fingers gripping the tops of them. I'm squirming under his hold, the heat pooling inside of me.
“Do you hate me?” He asks again.
“Yes,” I cry, not wanting to relent to him.
“Good,” he says and that’s the last thing I remember.
The rest is a tangle of limbs, an out-of-body sensation, and seismic wave after wave coursing through my body. It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced before; the fury we felt with each other fuzes to the passion of the moment and it blitzes every damn thought out of my head.
Hours later, or maybe the whole night later—I don’t know but all I do know was that my body was spent and I was barely hanging on.
“I can’t,” I plant my hands on his shoulders and nearly pitch forward just from pausing. His hand splays on my back, keeping me in place as he turns us around.
“Okay?” He asks low.
I nod, grateful that he was taking over.
And after riding out what I know would be my last wave he rolls off of me, and we lay there just trying to catch our breaths.
After a few minutes, I sense him tilting towards me, his eyes on my face. When he stares for so long it becomes obvious, I look back at him.
His eyes are not the same ones that started this mess, they’re breezy meadows of green compared to the icy sea glass from before. But it’s not surprising. With each round and each minute we spent with other tonight, things had grown softer. Not gentle, but softer.
And as we look at each other with the awareness that the anger had bled into the threads of these tangled sheets a long time ago, we’re left with something neither of us want to distinguish. At least I don’t.
His gaze holds something too real for a place like this and I quickly look away and back at the ceiling. I feel his eyes on me a moment longer before he himself turns away to stare at the same ceiling.
“Y/N,” someone suddenly calls my name, tapping my cheeks with a gentle pat. I have to pull myself from the depths of wherever the fuck I just went to open my eyes and look up, at Harry. He looks concerned and asks me a question that I don’t register—I was truly out of it. I must have dozed off.
I push his hand away and grab the closest piece of clothing to wrap around myself in which ends up being a sheet. I take myself to the bathroom to clean up.
I hardly recognize the girl in the mirror. My eyes are blown out and my neck looks like it was rammed by a bull. I can hardly look at the rest of me. I would need to buy something high necked before we got picked up tomorrow morning and use all the concealer I had. I know I marked every inch of him I could find too.
I had never felt that level of passion with anyone. It was unnerving.
My knees collapse under me as I sit on the toilet and try to count the tiles on the opposite wall, just to come back to earth. To my body.
I sense a shadow under the door after I’m in there for a while, I watch it move from one side to the other and then move away. I wait longer, nearly falling asleep there before going back out.
The bed looks a right mess and most of the duvet is twisted to the side. I don’t bother with it, I use the sheet I’m wrapped in and crawl right into bed. Harry seems to have fallen asleep too but as I near sleep I feel the bed dip and the heavy weight of the duvet drapes over me.
I don’t have enough clarity or energy tonight to think about what any of this meant but I know I was right about leaving.
***
We return to London on a Wednesday morning and nearly kiss the ground. Harry was still playing two shows here but getting to go back home instead of a hotel room was enough to make us weep.
I didn’t really have a home to go back to. I’d been thinking about that a lot as the tour took us closer and closer to London. I had texted Gray yesterday and we agreed I could crash there until this weekend to get my stuff together.
London had a metaphorical grey fog over it in my mind. Nothing felt appealing about it and the only thing on my mind these days was home—my childhood home.
I already knew I was going to give in my resignation letter to Harry after tour but I had a 3 week period under contract. I don’t think I could afford a hotel for three weeks and staying with any of my friends is out of the question.
These thoughts kept me preoccupied.
It helped me not to think about that night though. I avoided Harry unless it was for work, returning to the solitude of my first few months working for him. He does the same: curt and avoidant. I know others notice but nobody dares to ask.
It was the most intense thing I’d done in my whole life and that was saying something. There was a way that Harry got under my skin that nobody else could. And it was hard to find a balance after the scales had shifted so far in that direction.
I felt like I had to block it out until I could have space to process it. And yet memories still seeped through when I was quiet for a moment too long or when he’d walk past me with the same cologne as that night and I’d catch a whiff. I was doubly sure this chapter had to close.
When I get back to the flat on Wednesday Gray has vanished as he promised. He told me he’d drop by that evening to talk. Surprisingly, I felt calm about it. I don’t know if it was getting all of that ferocious energy out that had been churning for months, but I feel level-headed and I appreciate the space to myself.
Gray texts me before he arrives. Like this wasn’t the flat he was now paying for alone.
I know what he wanted to talk about—we were all supposed to go to Harry’s last show at the o2 since I had tickets for everyone. Josie was stoked and based on the way she’s been texting me leading up to the day I don’t think she knew. Gray confirms it.
“So,” he rubs the back of his neck. He looked nice in a beanie and corduroy jacket. I wonder if any of the effort was for me, then vanish the thought.
“So,” I echo.
We stand awkwardly across from each other—him propping himself up behind the couch and me leaning against the dining table. Like we needed to get as much furniture between us. Like we hadn’t shared a bed a few weeks ago.
“We should sit?”
“Yeah,” he attempts a laugh and sits on the sofa. I choose the closest chair and turn it to face him. “Yeah. Um, I don’t know how you feel about Saturday. But I haven’t told Josie yet. I haven’t really told anyone.”
I nod, “Me too. Not really. People at work think we’re on a break.”
“Right. Good.” He says. “I’m not tryna lie to people but I don’t really want to get into it…”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “So Josie?”
“I’ll let her know once…once you move out?”
Move out. Of this flat. It’s been home for nearly 3 years.
Gray had surprised me with it when he found it—I had been broke and only been able to pitch in for utilities and groceries but he’d been gracious. He’d been supportive once. But I guess his support had boundaries too. I didn’t entirely blame him for that.
“Sounds good. Or later, maybe when she’s done her exams.”
He leans back on the couch, arms spread over the back and sighs as he studies me. “Yeah of course. I should’ve thought of that. You’re always good at that stuff. She’s gonna be gutted.”
I nod. Not sure what to say to that.
“So you’ll be out on Saturday yeah?” He asks after a while. It seemed both of us had a lot on our minds. But his question stings a little.
“Yep. I’m off for most of the week so I’ll just pack things up. Uhm, with Josie and whatnot I guess we’re still acting like a couple? Will that be weird?”
“Yeah. It will be but we’ve got no other option.”
“Right.” I respond. His voice grows an edge I’m not a fan of. “Well. Thanks for letting me stay here. If you need anything else I guess you can grab it now.”
I want to ask how he’s doing, who he’s staying with, and just hold his face one last time to really remember. But his cold apathy grows like frostbite over the room and creeps into my heart. I always thought where there was love there would always be love but I’m not as sure tonight.
I stay busy and when I can’t sleep at night; I map out a dream, an exit plan home. I write up my resignation letter, I look at flights and rentals and talk things out with my family, I cancel wedding and couple shit, and grieve a fair bit.
On Friday afternoon, my only formal shift this week, I head to Harry’s with an anxious weight in my chest and a buzz in my head from the hope. Hope that this chapter of my life could end soon, and I can head home and recuperate and plan out what my life was going to look like.
Harry’s on a call when I get in. He spares me a glance but I head to the office with my stack of mail. Today was mostly for some housekeeping/admin but I hope to avoid Harry for the most part like I’ve done since that night. My letter sits like a bar of gold in my bag.
I hear him move about the flat. I restock some pantry items, and we speak as little as possible. Going with him to his meeting was my final task for today so I decide it’s a good time to hand in my letter.
I find him sitting in the studio, tapping a pen against the table.
“Mr. Styles?”
“Hm?” He drags his eyes away from his screen to look at me.
“So we’re heading to your meeting in 10. Before then I just wanted to hand this in.”
The envelope stays outstretched in my hand and he eyes it, not taking it.
“What is that?”
“Can you just take it?” I shake it a little, like a bag of treats for a puppy.
His muscles move one inch every ten seconds, that’s how slow he is to sit up in his seat and finally take the letter from my hands. I almost let out a big sigh of relief. The process was finally in place.
“What is it?” He asks again, tearing the corner and down the side like he usually did.
I wait for him to unfold the thirds before answering, “my resignation letter.”
His eyes scan the sheet left to right right to left and when he looks up at me it’s hard to say what he’s thinking.
“Is this a joke?”
“No? Obviously not? I’m handing in my 3 weeks. I’ll also email a copy to Jeff and you.”
“Why are you doing this?” He stands, his tall frame rigid.
“Why? Because I’m…I’m quitting? I think I’ve learned everything I could here a-and it’s time to move on.”
By here I don’t mean working for Harry Styles and co but just here as in London. I’ve learned a fuck ton of life lessons here, and it was time to process them elsewhere.
“Is this to get back at me somehow? I don’t understand,” the papers crinkle in his fist as he grips it tighter. “Do you want a raise? Can we talk about this?”
“No.” I say and even though there’s so much more I could say I think that sums up my answer.
He looks puzzled, then annoyed. Just then my phone buzzes. The car was downstairs.
I grab my laptop and we head down. I was coming along to take minutes and then head home. In the car I reassure Harry,
“I plan on wrapping things up in the next three weeks and making sure everything is set up for an easy transition. I’ll leave continuity notes and reach out to people I regularly communicate with to break the news. The next couple months are pretty easy anyway coming out of tour and going on holiday so there should be plenty of time for the new PA, whoever your hire, to catch up.”
He doesn’t say a word. It reminds me of our first drive to the studio together. How naïve I was. How things changed.
He continues staring out the window, resting his face on his fist. I remember my teeth dragging over that jaw. I blink the image away; this was why I had to go.
When we get to Graham’s office Harry tells Jeff, “we don’t need minutes.”
Jeff looks over at me for answers and I shrug. I guess I came here for no reason but at least I had my laptop to work.
“Uh y/n please come i-“
“She’s fine working out there,” Harry cuts Graham off. Graham looks offended, his gaze drawing between Harry and I. Again, I shrug. I wasn’t leaving today I don’t know why he was acting like it.
For the next hour or so I sit at a spare cubicle and do just as I said in the car. I type out lists for upcoming interviews and studio days. I send emails for information to note for whoever the poor person was to replace me.
I had been keeping the Dos and Don’ts updated over the last year and it feels like a baby the way it came together with so much thought. I was almost sad to part with it.
Nobody tells me the meeting is over. The door simply opens and Harry breezes past.
“I’ll be in the car.” He mutters. Any faster and I would have to hold down the papers around me.
When he’s gone beyond sight, I turn back to the open door.
“What’s the matter with him?” I hear Graham asking inside.
“You keep pushing him,” Jeff responds with irritation. “That’s not his brand Graham.”
“Well that’s a different tune. Prior to this you were singing my praises with these new ideas.”
“I don’t know. Something’s been up with him for…a while-“
“Since that article isn’t it?” Graham references the Harry Styles slander when we were in Spain. Little did they know other things had also happened.
“We dealt with that article.”
Shit, I think. Has he been any different? I think I was keeping too much distance from him to notice.
“Y/n,” my name snaps me out of my thoughts.
“Mhm?” I’m beckoned to the meeting room. “Yes?”
“Find out what’s wrong with him. Or better yet just convince him to be a bit more alive at his last show tomorrow with his usual charm? He hasn’t been his full capacity the last few shows has he?”
Shit. “Um. Burnout?”
The two men look at each other. They make a face like that couldn’t possibly be why. I tell the men what they want to hear, that I’d try to find out and get him back to his charming self (yuck) before joining Harry in the car.
“Jeff and Graham aren’t all that happy with you,” I say when we start driving. Harry was giving me a lift home. “They’re insisting you do it right at your final tomorrow. Be your charming self.”
He grunts in response, head facing the window again. Was he allergic to look forward in the car or something?
“Are you coming?” He asks after a good ten minutes of silence.
“Tomorrow?”
“Mhm.”
“Yeah. I gave my extra tickets to…my fiance,” my brain fumbles my words as it remembers what he was and now is. And the lie I had to keep up. “And his sister and her friend.”
He just nods in acknowledgement, somehow stonier.
When the car pulls up to my familiar building I thank his driver and begin my shimmy out but Harry puts a hand to my knee to stop me. His touch sears right through my stockings and he must feel it too because he slides his hand back.
“Answer this,” he looks at me for the first time tonight. Wow, this really did feel like my first week on the job.
“Sure,” I reply.
“Is it because of that night?”
It’s the first time it’s been mentioned, and his gaze burns brighter than a forest fire. It’s mesmerizing and I can’t look away.
Wait, he wanted an answer.
“It’s because of a lot of things,” I answer truthfully.
He clenches his jaw. Leans back in his seat. The seatbelt reverses to hold him in place again and he’s no longer looking at me. I take that as my cue to go.
***
Josie bursts into the flat dressed to the nines in a groovy floral jumpsuit and boas in her hand. “Don’t worry. I have one for each of us.”
Her friend trails behind her in an equally 70s inspired look.
“That’s what you’re wearing?” Josie judges her brother’s hoodie and jeans. “You’re lowering the vibe Gray do better. Y/n? Why didn’t you brief him?”
“I did!” I eye Gray. “Don’t blame me.”
This was way more awkward than I thought. Or I really was not as good of an actress as I wished.
“What am I supposed to wear?” Gray asks. “I’m not wearing a jumpsuit.”
Josie rolls her eyes. “Y/n please drag him back and find a decent tee or something?”
“Yes ma’am,” I take Gray by the arm and take him back.
“This is kinda weird hey?” I whisper when we close the door.
“I don’t really like it either,” Gray scratches his head. “But it’s for the best.”
I nod and then louder announce, “Well it’s Jo’s night so find something a tad more retro?”
We end up with a red tee and find a belt to tie the look. Josie hugs her brother with thanks when she sees it.
I had on a pair of black bellbottoms paired with a blank tank. My hair was in spacebuns and Josie plucks a few boa feathers to accessorize my hair. It’s cute.
We head off and I have to make a conscious effort to remember my mannerisms with Gray before all this. I feel woozy while I slide my hand into his on the ride there, as Josie snaps our pics on her disposable, as she tells us to get one of us where Gray’s kissing my cheek and she’ll save it to show our kids. It makes me sick.
He keeps an arm on my waist as we walk. I want this night to be over so bad but every time I look Josie’s way I perk back up a little. I wanted her to enjoy this.
And she does. I’m sure she’s lost her voice by the end of the concert. At one point we drift away a little and breathe easier to drop the act but when she’s back Gray wraps his arms around me from behind and we act like a happy couple. Again, I felt sick.
Being in Gray’s arms held none of the spark it used to. I just feel awkward and sad.
At one point Harry looks my way, I don’t know how he spotted me in such a big crowd. It’s between songs and he looks at the group I’m with. I give a pathetic wave and he nods ever so slightly, his gaze sliding off soon after. Gray’s arm tightens around my shoulder and my heart gives a squeeze in response. I’m reminded: this era was ending.
The band told me to meet them backstage at the end, to join in on the final-show celebration. Josie and Gray would wait at a local pub and with the way Josie’s Instagram stories were glowing I could imagine her sitting there uploading it all.
“I couldn’t have done it without any of you,” I catch Harry saying as I slip behind stage with my pass. “I know I’ve not been the easiest to be with but you all sit in my heart. This is our Euro tour, concluded.”
Somebody pops bubbly and I congratulate the whole team as they drink. They insist on going out for proper drinks and I’m denied not going. They tell me to invite my guests to party with them and I know, based on where we were going, Josie was going to flip.
Juniper, a club that gets us all in on Harry’s face card, is opulent and lively on the inside. Josie is buzzing about with her friend—Gray had opted to go home, claiming he had early morning sessions. Josie didn’t think twice about him, but we pretended to go back and forth with a final warning from Gray to Josie to behave.
“He’s a broody one,” Charlie comments on Gray as we chatter while we get drinks. “Sister?”
“Yeah. Doesn’t know yet though so,” I put my finger to my lip.
“So no Barcelona dancing tonight?” Sarah teases. I laugh and tell them to keep me tamed. “We gotta do some shots with the team though where is everyone?”
We gaze around the room and manage to get everyone together. After one round of shots and another that Harry forced on all of us I feel the tension I’ve been carrying with me most days slide away.
We end up sticking together as a group and dance together, laughing and cheering each other on. Even Harry’s in a cheery mood—I suspect the alcohol. I catch him watching me at one point and when I raise my brow he takes my hand and spins me in a friendly twirl. I trip on my wide-legged pants and he catches me from behind. With my back to his chest I have the urge to turn around and kiss him and feel the peculiar comfort I had received from him before. That thought drives me away from him again. Despite the tight knit group there’s too much between us to even attempt being close.
I call it quits when Josie finds me and announces she was going home. I hug the newfound family I had made over the last few months one final goodbye, knowing I might never see them together like this again.
***
Jeff’s reaction to my news surprises me the most. He’s visibly upset and tries to sell me anything to stay. I tell him there was nothing to keep me at my job but I would rely on him for a good reference. I think it’s the first time he’s ever reassured me.
Between Harry and I it remains curt. Sometimes even edgy. I post my own job replacement and Jeff keeps me updated on potential candidates. By the time my last week rolls around I’m host to a roil of emotions.
The first week homeless, Charlie had let me crash on her couch and promised not to say a word to anyone. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome and so I had checked into a hotel and called it home for now.
I’m on my way back home to the hotel after being at Gray’s. We’d invited Josie over for dinner now that her exams were over and she’d been suspicious from the start.
We had told her the truth and she refused to believe it, hurt and betrayal in her eyes as she looked at me and realized she had been kept in the dark for the last week. I felt worse then, than I did when Gray and I called it quits.
I promised her a lunch together this week to talk more. Just because I was out of Gray’s life didn’t mean I had to be out of hers. I thought I could also tell her then that I was leaving to go back home.
On my second last day at work, Harry sends me on an errand near the end of the day. When I get back there’s a small group of friendly and familiar faces waiting to surprise me. I’m touched by the gesture, and I try to corner Harry to say thank you but it feels he avoids me at every chance, always in a larger crowd.
I finally catch him while I’m heading out of the bathroom and he’s heading down the hall.
“Oh hey,” I step in his way. He looks cornered. “I just wanted to say thanks for throwing this.”
“Yeah,” he gestures it was nothing. “It was Jeff’s idea.”
Ouch. I hide the sting. “Well. Thanks regardless.”
He nods, staying mute, but his eyes speak a thousand words—just none that I can read. They stay trained on me, communicating whatever.
Slowly the furrow between his brows eases and the sharp edges of his face give way to a softened expression. I’m scared to move in case I break the trance and don’t get to hear whatever his racing thoughts spit out. Just when it looks like he’s about to say something, a guest turns the corner up the hall.
“Anyone in the toilet?” It was Mitch. Damnit.
“Nope,” I step out of the way, inadvertently brushing Harry. A shiver runs up my spine and I try to act casual but he stiffens beside me. Was it that awful being around me, jeez.
I give up. If he wanted to continue staying moody, so be it. I leave to go back to the party and don’t look back.
My final days in London are hard. The same way I arrived, I go: alone and unsure of what’s ahead.
I always thought here was where I would stay forever. And maybe one day I would return but there was a little too much friction between me and the Capital.
I finish work on an unremarkable note after going through processes with the new hire, and dotting all of my i’s. Harry is nowhere to be seen and I’m gone before he gets back. I’m frustrated that he’s behaving this way but there’s also too much between us for the simple goodbye I yearn for.
I visit all of my old favourites, have one last drink at my old local pub somewhere in between Gray’s flat and Harry’s. I shed a lot of tears on my pilgrimage through the city’s veins. I promise the paved and cobblestone roads I would be back one day.
The walls of my lungs ease open on the flight home. Still, tears cascade down my face silently as the plane sleeps. Eventually I do too. When I wake the sky is filled with bright blinding sunrise, and American soil peeks out below me: I was finally home.
••••••••••••••••••••
Present (2 years on):
My heart flutters seeing Harry here, I chalk it up to anxiety. But it annoys me that despite all the distance and the growth, he still had an effect on me.
Harry’s head turns and before I can be smart about it our eyes lock. His eyebrows raise ever so slightly before his face falls into a nonchalant facade again. I don’t even want to know what my face looked like.
Then he gets the nerve to smirk, hang his head, and then grab his drink and walk towards me.
“If I had a cross I would be holding it up right now.” I have to shout a little so he hears me before he gets to me. He was an emotional vampire feeding on all of mine.
“Now why’s that?” He continues towards me. My emotions swirl through me. “I thought time heals all wounds. Why the unfriendly welcome Mrs. Duran?”
I grit my teeth at the name, he was still filled with poison. “Right, the timeless wisdom of clichés.”
“I like to think I’m pretty timeless.” He smiles.
“I’ve found that time may heal wounds, but scars make sure you never forget.”
“Well, scars aside, you look good,” he moves on and I feel like an idiot the way I was used to feeling around him.
“Of course I do.”
“What are you doing in London? Last I checked I was getting a reference check from America.”
I debate not answering him but I was trying to straddle the line between indifference and confidence. It was like walking a tightrope.
“I’m in London for a little while,” I give vaguely.
“Ah,” he smiles and damnit I forgot how handsome he could be. How handsome could then turn into seductive so quickly. I had to remember: Still a devil. “Are you looking for a new employer? Because I could be hiri-“
“No.” I cut him off. “I finally have a job I love so I’m good.”
Something flickers in his eyes but surprisingly he stays quiet.
“What are you doing here?” I ask. I sort of wish I still had a drink in my hand, they feel awkward and clunky and I want to avoid playing with my hair. Gah. “Global star drinks alone at his local bar?”
He laughs but I can tell I hit a minor nerve. “Here I’m just a local. Always have been—it’s nice to be anonymous for a little bit.”
I roll my eyes. I didn’t believe that for a second. He loved his fame and everything that came with it.
Plus I used to come here all the time, I would’ve known if my employer was a local too. He was lying for some reason.
“Mr. Styles if there’s one thing I remember about you, you’d choose death over anonymity.”
“Firstly,” he leans in and I get a whiff of his usual cologne with a hint of malt. “A person can change a lot. So maybe you don’t know me as much as you think you do-“
“Oh I don’t think anyone can change that drastically in only a year-“
“You seemed to have.”
His words take mine out of my mouth. I hadn’t changed, not really. I’d always been this y/n but the further I got away from him the more reassured I had gotten being that y/n.
“And secondly,” he continues before I could think of a response. “You no longer work for me. Harry is fine.”
The smile he throws me is almost sweet if I didn’t know the cruelty that could hide underneath. I don’t return the smile, I only raise my brow and look back down at my phone. My cell service hasn’t gotten any better and I’d missed the wifi password.
I could connect to Harry’s wifi, ask him so that I could order an uber.
I’d rather van gogh my ear.
I weigh all my options and consider the last one again. I look up to see what Harry was doing in the silence and find him looking at me. A shiver runs up my spine as our eyes clash. So much history and words unspoken fall in between. A very specific night flashes through my mind. I wonder if it does him because he looks down first. Damn.
“So I’ve gotta get going,” I say.
“Let me buy you a drink.” He says at the same time.
He laughs awkwardly and repeats, “One drink?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“We’re not drinking buddies.” I pull my purse to my chest, wanting to hop off this stool and run home if I need to. Put as much distance between myself and this man that was put on this earth to confuse me.
“Then what are we y/n?” He asks, his voice silky smooth as he leans in. The voice that whispered sweet nothings into my ear in my worst nightmares, nightmares of cotton sheets and heated limbs, of passion and shame.
“Ex-employer,” I point to him. I point to myself, “Ex-employee.”
“Exes have drinks together,” he grins full well knowing the double meaning.
“Never ends well,” I eye the door.
“Just as stubborn as I remember.”
“And you were saying people change?” I raise my brow.
He drops the smile and sighs, “I’m not gonna be able to convince ya am I?”
I shake my head. He should know that by now.
“Can I walk you out at least?”
I shrug, couldn’t hurt.
“What is this?” I ask as he opens the door for me.
“What?”
“This? Why are you trying to be so friendly?”
“I thought we could be friendly exes.”
And when did he get so cheeky.
“Something weird is going on,” I watch him stay in step with me as I walk up. With no service I was going to take the tube. “And I don’t like it.”
“Nothing weird is going on don’t get all paranoid on me.”
“Don’t call me paranoid! You never call a woman paranoid.”
“I thought that was conspiracy theorists?”
“Nooo. You’re being weird.”
"Alright, no need to get all Freudian on me. Just trying to be a decent human here."
I shake my head, somehow in our exchange my face had decided it was okay to smile. To forget what he put me through and remember instead that when things were good between us we actually got along.
Damnit. The devil knew how to play tricks. I wipe the smile off my face while he continues walking with me.
“So…what have you been up to?” He asks.
“Working, you know me.” I say after trying to figure out what his angle was but unable to find one.
“Oretta Smith I hear, how did you manage that?”
“I’m just that good Harry,” I say. His name is weird in my mouth. Sure I called him that in my head but I usually used Mr. Styles. I can tell he feels the same with his quick glance my way.
“How do you like that?”
“Yeah, she’s a great employer like I said. Very professional. Lots of flexibility.” Each praise is a knock to his ego. But it was all true, plus with Winnie joining the team I had a friend my age that felt great.
But there was also a darker side called burnout that I barely admitted to myself. Ever since we landed in London and I had time to orient my new self in a city that molded my old self, I felt the familiar singe of purposeless. But I keep it to myself of course.
“Great.” Harry responds curtly. “What about yourself? How’s your life, are you finally married?”
My instinct is to raise my defences and chew him out, he must know Gray and I were done what with me living in the States.
And yet, when I peer past the defences and take a long hard look at him I realize he is asking earnestly and without another angle.
We’re nearing the tube now. I hesitate in lying or telling the truth.
“We broke up,” I choose to confess. I peek at him and he looks surprised, even sorry.
“I didn’t know. Sorry.”
“I’d hope not,” I reply. “Otherwise you’d be an asshole calling me Mrs. Duran.”
He huffs an awkward laugh.
“Anyway this is me—
“I can give you a ride home—wherever that is right now?” He asks.
We’re stood in front of the glass doors. There’s not a lot of people this time of night. And as tempting as his offer was, the way he looks at me right now sends poisonous butterflies to my stomach and I think it’s best I get home for the big day tomorrow and not make any regrets.
“I’m not too far,” I lie. I point a thumb to the doors behind me. “I’m just gonna…”
“Yeah. Yeah right.” He’s awkward, which is a first. He clears his throat and stuffs his hand into his pocket. I watch him with a removed sort of curiosity. Eventually he coughs out his question. “How long are you in London for?”
“A few weeks,” I reply.
He finally meets my eyes again—and there goes my stomach. He was supposed to have zero effect on me, I was supposed to stay mad at him. Why was my body betraying me? Why did it continue to loop memories from that night and remind me of the things he whispered in the dark?
“A few weeks,” he murmurs back.
His gaze travels over my face openly, no longer holding back the barely-hidden expressions from before. Because I told him Gray and I weren’t a thing? Because I was entertaining whatever bullshit this was?
“Yep,” I nod. Awkward. Nervous. Cautious.
“My number’s the same,” his eyes snap back to mine. “If you want to go for that drink later.”
“Harry,” I try to break it to him another way. I wish I could just say I never want that drink. “I don’t think-“
“Don’t think,” he cuts me off. He laughs when I furrow my brows. “I mean, I’m right here for most of the next few weeks. When you feel like you want to have that drink just give me a call. Or text.”
Why, I want to ask him. Why, after all this time, after everything that happened? And it’s like he reads my mind in the silence.
“I know you left on a pretty poor note.” He shuffles his feet. “I know a lot of that was my fault. I apologize for that. Um, but I did enjoy having you around. You were excellent at your job and…you are missed. Even Jeff remembers you fondly. Which is saying something.”
This was some sort of prank. Or Harry had gotten so famous he now had a doppelgänger roaming the streets as him. It couldn’t be that Harry, my Harry, would say something so sentimental and so…genuine.
“So uh yeah, I would love to see you again while you’re in town.” He says when I don’t respond.
“Right.” I choke out.
He shrugs when I can’t bring myself to say anything more. “We do change, whether you believe it or not y/n.”
I swallow, hoping to lubricate my vocal cords and find my voice. “I-I really do have to go.”
Crestfallen, he nods. His hand comes up to touch my elbow. “Yeah ‘course. Just…think about it?”
I look down at his hand and he lets go, we stay in another bubble of silence. His eyes flicker down to my lips and I feel a wave of warmth as I try not to do the same.
“Goodnight,” I blurt and get to the other side of the glass doors. He watches me go.
On the escalator down I risk a glance back and he’s still there, watching until I’m out of sight. That ended incredibly awkward.
Leave it up to Harry to confuse me in coming back into my life. Damn him, he could never be consistent.
***
Waking up super early to catch the train out to Cambridge is so worth it because I get to watch Josie walk the stage and graduate with distinction wearing her famous smile that beams over the vast room.
Despite what happened with Gray and I, Josie and I have kept in touch steadily over the last year. It started as weekly facetimes which reduced down to monthly calls and have now become a steady stream of texts and memes swapped back and forth.
When she found out I’d be in London around her graduation dates she gave me no choice but to show up, sending me a ticket without asking.
I knew I’d see Gray, and a part of me was nervous and curious how that was going to go. But mostly I was grateful to still be in Josie’s life and spend time with her in person. She was the part of this life I missed most.
I’m sat somewhere in the middle of the room and Josie was smart enough not to seat me with the rest of her guests. But I know I would see everyone during photos and the dinner we were having later on. I try keep my focus on the ceremony however.
“Y/N!” Josie rushes towards me when she sees me after the ceremony. The group she departs from I recognize is a mix of her girl friends, her family, and a few others.
“Josie!” I return the same energy and she leaps into my arms. I squeeze her tight to me. “I’m soo proud of you my girl.”
We sway side to side, until we get enough hug.
“Look at you!” She exclaims when she leans back. “Your hair looks amazing and you are glowing. Please tell me you have a boy in your life.”
“No,” I laugh.
“A girl?” She asks hesitantly.
“No! I’m just…happy where I am right now! How about you look at you! You look phenomenal as per.”
“Oh thanks,” she takes the compliment and giggles. “I asked my dad to grad gift me a salon and spa visit so I am rejuvenated and blown out.”
“Aren’t you ever,” I touch a lock of her hair. “Congratulations.”
“Eek!” She squeals. “Finally finished this hellscape! I can’t wait to never write an exam again—ooh wait I want you to meet my boy…”
“So that’s why we’re actually glowing,” I tease as she tugs me towards the group. That definitely has Gray. My stomach drops the closer we get, he doesn’t seem to notice. He looks busy talking to one of Josie’s friends.
“Anyway,” she deposits me in front of a 6 foot something guy made of angles. “This is Jax. My boyfriend. We met during a Friendsgiving Myles threw last year.”
“Nice to meet you,” Jax smiles. “Y/N right?”
“Yes!”
“I was supposed to get around to that,” Josie huffs.
“Sorry she talked about you a lot when she found out you were coming. She was really excited.”
“Ugh,” she turns to me like she was embarrassed but her face is glowing. Josie was in looove.
“You two are so cute,” I tease which just makes Josie blush a little harder. “So are we getting any pictures?”
“Oh yeah,” Jax swivels his head. “Liliya has the good camera if you want to get-“
“Oh we can use our phones,” Josie cuts him off.
“No get the high res one—Liliya, camera?” Jax motions a shuttering action to the friend Gray was talking to. He’s so tall above the crowd that both look up at him and comply.
“Y/N,” Josie drags my arms back and takes me on the outskirt of the crowd. “I’m so sorry I never mentioned because I thought you wouldn’t come if I did tell you but you-“
“Y/N?”
Josie’s rushed whispers are cut short when Gray notices me and calls my name. He looks stupefied. I spare a glance to Josie and she’s paled.
She didn’t tell him.
“Hey,” I force a friendly tone. I was going to kill that girl.
“Did you all want a photo?” Josie’s friend Liliya shoulders her way back into the circle with the camera on a strap. She turns to Gray, “Babe?”
It’s an odd sensation, like all oxygen has left my lungs and they’re being squeezed as if tightened in a vice. Gray’s eyes drag away from me to his…girlfriend? Definitely not Josie’s friend.
It shakes me in the moment how much I realize I still cared, still carried a shred of hope for…something. And not consciously knowing this makes this moment feel a little like a slap in the face.
What did I think? I was going to leave this country for a year and people were going to pause where I last left them? Of course Gray’s moved on. Aside from the end he was a great partner and anybody would want that.
These thoughts race through my head in the few seconds Gray responds to his girlfriend and I look at Josie. She looks guilty as charged.
“I tried to tell you just now?” She whispers.
Deep breaths, I remind myself. You’re not the hot-headed y/n these people knew last. This day is not about you. It’s about Josie.
“It’s cool. Let’s get some photos,” I smile. “Don’t want to miss having them with you.”
She sighs but keeps her eyes on my face as we walk farther out.
“I am really sorry,” she whispers.
“Hey it’s alright,” I lie. This was the worst of it—Gray had moved on, had a great girlfriend, and I was living the life I wanted. No harm and no foul. “Honestly Jo I get it, you wanted me here reallllly bad.”
“I did!” She says. “But I’m also gonna kill Jax.”
I laugh and we straighten up when we realize the camera was already pointed at us. Josie flashes her degree and a few of her friends join the pictures too. We hustle back to Gray to see them and flipping back on the first few makes my breath catch in my throat. There’s one in particular where Josie is turned to me talking and my mouth is in a big grin because I’m laughing.
I catch eyes with Gray in an uncomfortably intimate second.
“Send me that one for sure wow Gray that’s a really good shot.”
“Oh wow,” his girlfriend peers over. “That’s a great candid.”
“Yeah,” I agree. I’d love a copy too. And of course that’s when Gray’s girlfriend notices me and introduces herself.
“I don’t think we’ve met—is that an American accent I detect?”
“It is,” I smile. “I’m Y/N.”
“Oh!” Two spots of pink appear on her face. It seems she’s heard of me. “Well it’s nice to meet you—nice that Josie invited you! I’m Liliya but Lily works too.”
“C’mon!” Josie interrupts the awkward by grabbing her brother’s arm and pushes him in the direction of where her friends are posing for photos. He takes some shots but Josie hates the look of them and gives the camera to Lily instead.
With just Gray and I left behind it grows very awkward.
“I thought Josie told everyone I would be-“ I say just as he says, “I didn’t realize you would be-“
We stop and chuckle awkwardly.
“Sorry,” I shake my head.
“No,” he shrugs. “It’s cool. It’s cool you’re here actually.”
“Okay,” is all I can say. Until the awkward silence stretches. “So…Liliya?”
“Yeah. Yeah, Liliya. You?”
I want to lie, but I shake my head. “No. Sorta needed the year to breathe a little.”
“Fair. How’s America?”
“Oh y’know, still super-sized and politically a guessing game.”
“Have you turned on our news while you’ve been down at all?” He raises a brow. I laugh because he was right. It was all a shitshow everywhere.
He asks me about my family as Josie jogs up to us.
“Okay, tell me the truth is my hair going flat?”
“No,” I look behind her where her friends are hovering over Lily and the camera going over their photos.
“Good. Where’s mum and dad?” Josie asks Gray. “Dad was just here 10 minutes ago he said he’d come by for—oh there’s mum! Look!”
We turn to where she points. Michelle—what I’ve always called Gray’s mom, spots her daughter at the same time and waves. She starts to walk towards us.
It’s nice to see her but I also feel a bit nervous; going cold turkey on relationships you only had because of an ex are always weird to come back to. Especially ones you were fond of.
“Mum! You’re missing all the pictures!” Josie says. “Where’ve you been!?”
“I just saw somebody I knew back from my first job as a librarian can you believe that?” Michelle says as she joins the group.
“Crazy. Well mum look who got to show up today! Isn’t that crazy too?”
Michelle looks at me and the bright smile that was intended for her daughter dies like a flower in overnight frost. The look wipes the anticipation off my face.
“Who?”
That one word shades the sun from the sky and brings forth a gust of western winds through the group.
“Mum,” Josie look between me, her mum, and Gray. She’s confused. “Y/N?”
“Hey Michelle,” I croak. Maybe my hair was too different for her to recognize me, or maybe she had early onset alzheimers. Surely this woman who I’ve had a better relationship with than her own son has wouldn’t be treating me like your worst frenemy at your high school reunion.
But Michelle looks right through me. I can’t explain how it feels, not in the moment. I’m gutted, and feel an unexplainable wave of sadness.
“Mum…” Josie sounds hurt and Gray finally decides to swoop in.
“Mum let’s check out the photos we took already. We gotta get some of the three of us.”
They walk away and I feel seven inches tall but I turn to Josie with a brave face and face her teary one.
“That was kind of awkward,” I downplay.
“Y/N I’m honestly so sorry I-,” Josie blinks rapidly.
“No it’s ok!”
“I don’t know why she acted like that-“
“Hey It’s natural for her to feel that way I’m alright don’t get upset-“
“It’s not alright though! That was such a…she never acts like that.”
It was true. Michelle was a free-spirit as she called herself. That’s why Gray had such a hard relationship with her; in his words, she was too emotional and ungrounded for him.
Yet apparently, she was able to find enough ground to stand on when it came to treating me like a nobody. I wonder if it’s because she heard Gray’s biased side of the story or she was hurt herself—still, the way she’s always talked about herself never struck me as someone who would believe a one-sided story. Or be a bitch to someone they previously called their daughter. It hurt like a mofo.
I didn’t want Josie to find out this way, here of all places, that her mom was just human after all. She idolized that woman.
So even though it hurt, I comfort her instead.
“She probably just feels betrayed by me leaving and stuff since we were close too. Imagine if Jax broke up with you and she gave him the cold shoulder—wouldn’t you feel justified?”
Josie scrunches her brows to think about the simplified story I’ve just fed her to feel better. I can tell it still doesn’t sit well with her but she nods in acceptance, “I guess.”
“Yeah, just forget it Josie. Plus you’ve got pictures to take so dry those eyes.”
“Shit I know,” she blinks some more. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to invite you here and twist the knife at every bloody turn.”
“Jo I’m honoured to get to be here and see all your hard work pay off. Don’t worry about anything else.”
“It’s unfair,” she says before she drifts to her group of friends. “I feel like nobody understands how…how understanding you are. But I’m really glad we’re still in touch. And you came for me.”
Her words bring tears to my eyes and I nod, afraid that talking would bring them forward. I watch her crash her group and start instructing photo coordination. I help hold things for people while they take photos and feel like a stranger outside the crowd. If it weren’t for Josie, I think I would have regretted coming here. I feel homesick and unwanted. A tough combo.
I was supposed to crash on someone’s couch tonight and do brunch with Josie tomorrow before going back to London but from the last half hour alone I know I’m going back to the city no matter how late it gets tonight. I think of the hotel room that was home right now, of how lonely that was going to feel to go back to too.
Home right now was in America, in the same time zone as my family, and comfortable in my shared apartment with one of my high school best friends who I reconnected with after going back home. I miss it so bad. And I feel like I’ve bitten into an unripe fruit coming back to the UK before I was ready apparently. My experience feels soured.
I shake off the doom and gloom when the party breaks. We were all going to meet at the restaurant at 6–my plan was to explore the university city and find a place to kill some time in. Maybe go outside to a park with lunch. Josie tries to convince me to join her and her friends for their mid-day celebration but I lie and tell her I had some work to do.
I call Winnie on my stroll through the city. I insist she update me on last night first, and she has more to tell—the guy had a yacht and he was inviting her to a party tonight. She tells me to join if I came back early and we cross our fingers that Oretta wouldn’t need her before then.
I originally called her to rant about Michelle and Gray but I don’t, I didn’t want to kill her vibe. So I scroll through my other contacts but don’t want to worry my mom and it was too early back home to reach anyone else.
My eyes catch on Harry’s name, he was at the top of my texts currently because he sent me a link this afternoon asking me for thoughts on it. I hadn’t opened it yet, I wasn’t sure what to think about this new persona he was wearing or that he thought yesterday’s run-in went okay enough to casually message me for my thoughts.
I remember the weird electricity of yesterday and shove my phone back into my pocket.
He genuinely wanted to have a drink? And talk??
I did enjoy having you around. You were excellent at your job and you are missed.
Was he trying to make up for his cruel words? But he also seemed a lot more mellow than before. Maybe that was just because I didn’t work for him. What did he want? And was I twisted for believing the new schtick?
Most curious of all was him at the pub in the first place. He was not a local there—that was a big lie.
I try to conjure up my previous hatred, calling him the Devil in my head. But it’s harder to do. Seeing him yesterday, he was just a man standing in front of a woman with a head full of cautionary tales and bad experiences.
Without warning images from that night come back and I feel my heart flutter. I shut them down just as quick. Not all bad, my body tries to remind me. I tell it to shut up.
I’ve barely stepped foot in this country again and already my mind was running circles around my heart. How exhausting.
***
I’m early to the restaurant, before anyone else apparently. As the hostess finds my name on her floor plan Josie comes in behind me with Jax.
“Oh! Y/n you’re early!” She seems flustered.
“Yeah I didn’t think I would be,” it was only a few minutes to 6.
We make small talk while we’re led to the table, Josie’s eyes keep darting to where our table might be.
“Sorry I was hoping to do this before you came,” she says when we get there. There are name cards along the 7 seats and she picks the one in front of me. “I’m just gonna move mum to my other side so it doesn’t get weird. Which means she’ll be closer to dad but…I think he’s bailing since his girlfriend doesn’t want to do this.”
Josie shrugs, I know how she feels about her dad’s girlfriend. She begins explaining the plans she has to do dinner with her dad later this week and the more she talks the more I can tell that she feels awkward. And I hate that it’s because of me. At one point Jax and I catch eyes and pass an awkward smile.
“Josie,” I walk up to her fiddling with the name tags. She stops talking immediately. I grip her shoulders. “Thanks.”
“Sorry,” she whispers. I wrap my arms around her and she melts into me.
“Stop apologizing.”
“Sorry. I can’t help it. It’s a disease.”
We let go with a laugh and she seems more stable. “This is going to be fine.”
Famous last words.
It’s definitely not fine and very awkward. Jax ends up sitting in front of me, and even though Liliya’s name tag was beside mine it’s suddenly swapped as they slide in and Gray sits beside me. I guess it might be too awkward for her but not awkward enough to fit someone we both dated between us.
I can sense Michelle’s pinched face as she notices us sitting beside each other and I feel badly for Josie the most as she tries to play the gracious host. At one point I sense Jax laying a hand on her arm and taking over, asking Michelle questions about her yoga and getting her talking.
“Did you need more?” Gray turns to me with the wine bottle, it’s the second thing he’s said to me tonight. Otherwise he mostly just watches me talk and leans back enough when others are talking so I can be involved.
“I’m okay,” I whisper. I didn’t want to draw any attention while Michelle was talking. She hadn’t said a peep to me, even when Josie tried to involve us both in a shared memory. She continued acting like I was Casper the ghost.
I can feel Lily’s eyes on us as Gray offers wine, of course they would be. No wonder Gray barely spoke to me all night. Fuck me, what was I doing here.
Jax is a sweetheart, asking me about my job and encouraging conversation between the both of us. I’m so happy for Josie that she found a partner like him.
By the time dinner is over I mostly want to cry. I feel spent. But I also feel like I crashed an intimate dinner and everyone’s polite enough not to mention it. Despite Josie, I do actually regret coming.
As we pay the bill and shuffle out, Josie grabs my arm.
“So I have two friends where you can crash at their place or Jax can sleep over at mine and you can sleep at his or-“
“I think I’m gonna head back to the city.”
Her face falls. But it’s like she knew I was going to say that.
“Sorry Jo. I think you should come to the city next week—maybe visit your brother? And while you’re down we’ll do brunch then. I’m mostly free while I’m here. I’m just pretty tired and have to help Winnie with something tomorrow.”
“Really?” She says in the smallest voice I’ve heard out of her. Salt to my wounds.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. I know we were looking forward to getting time together.”
She juts out her lip and I’m reminded of the girl I met when I first started dating Gray. How she’d taken to me so quickly. How the whole family had. How things could end up like this.
And suddenly I see the future laid out in front of me. After tonight it would be hard to keep this relationship going—Josie and I. She’s just seen her mom be an unreasonable bitch for the first time, I can tell she’s been trying to compensate all night but the cracks won’t go away. It’ll always be a sitting duck between us.
We might try to stay in touch, maybe I’d reach out if I was ever in London or if she ever visited the west coast. But this would fizzle out.
She was still young and naive enough that her mom hung the moon and stars; mom’s beliefs were gospel, her opinions were rulings, and she’d just delivered my ultimate sentence: I was a black sheep to the family. How could sweet Josie walk through a mess like that?
“I’m so proud of you,” I tell her as I fight tears. “Congratulations again and thank you for inviting me.”
“Thanks. And you don’t have to be so nice. I know it was kind of a shitty invite.”
“No,” I insist. “I loved being here. I don’t regret showing up for you. I can’t wait to hear what you get up to.”
“I’m going to make sure to make it to the city next week,” she squeezes my arm. “We’ll see each other soon.”
“Exactly,” I look over at the rest of the group, where her boyfriend waits for her. Her family. “And I really like Jax, so good on you for that.”
“He…” she twists her lips, swallowing what she was going to say before vomiting it out. “I always aspired to have a relationship like yours and Gray’s. I never wanted to settle for anything less so that’s…that’s why Jax.”
“Hm I think you made us the bar and you leapt over it babe,” I wrap my arms around her again. I ache with the loss of what we used to be.
“See you soon,” she says before she drags herself back to the group.
I stand off to the side, awkwardly ordering an Uber. The group begins to walk the opposite way waving bye to me. I breathe easier without the weight of them around.
As I tap my foot in anticipation of the ride to the station arriving, I feel a hand tap my shoulder.
“Y/n,” it’s Gray. “Hey I…I just wanted to say something before you left.”
“Oh. Hey yeah. Shoot.”
What was it with everyone wanting to say something to me.
“Uh…ok give me a minute,” he laughs in the way I know to mean he was feeling nervous. “I just sort of jogged back impulsively.”
“Yeah well you have,” I glance at my phone. “4 or so minutes.”
“Damn,” he ruffles his hair. “Alright. I think I just wanna say sorry.”
“Oh.” That was it. Everyone had something to say to me and the something was apparently sorry.
“Yeah I’m sorry. I…when we broke up I was so upset and caught up in my own head. I blamed you for everything. I think it only hit me when you just up and moved out of the country how things actually went down.”
I hadn’t told anyone but Josie that I was leaving.
“Yeah you were just like gone.” He continues. “I guess a part of me thought we’d get some space, maybe circle back later…”
“You really betrayed me,” I remind him.
But even I know what he means. He hurt me bad and it might be crazy stupid but on some level we were both aware we were in an ugly place and maybe with some space we might come back to the place that was good for us again. Maybe bump into each other one day, strike up a conversation, find there might still be a small amount of love left. Enough to water and grow again.
“I know,” he sighs. “I know. I hate that I hurt you like that. I regret…I actually don’t really hang out with that group of friends as much anymore. I sorta have myself to blame but I didn’t like who I was with them.”
I listen, letting him speak. It hurt too, knowing this was the Grayson I had fallen in love with. Kind and supportive, and now apparently he’s learned to communicate. Maybe that was a Lily thing.
“I guess,” he blows the air out of his cheeks. “I want to say I’m really truly sorry. I missed you a lot after you left. Nothing was the same and life was fucking hard. I wish things didn’t end the way they did and I stayed mature but I was just jealous and angry.”
I nod to acknowledge what he’s saying and watch him take a breath to continue.
“And I always appreciated how you never let us shake your relationship with my sister because she bloody loves you—I don’t think how mum treated you was right today but I never really understood her in the first place. I’m sorry about that.”
“Yeah,” is all I can manage without making it obvious how emotional this was all making me. How one year could make me feel like a completely different person. How this man I loved, and still love in some way, could stand in front of me talking about us as something in the past. Because we were. Long past.
My phone dings with a notification that my ride would be here. We glance down and out into the street.
“Anyway,” he swallows. “I just wanna apologize. And say I genuinely hope you find love y/n. Love that’s as fierce and loyal as you are. I hope you can forgive me one day. And I hope you’re successful as hell in whatever you pour yourself into.”
“Thank you Gray,” I want to say I was sorry too. For what it was worth. But my car pulls to the curb.
I wave at the driver to let them know I’d ordered it and we walk the few feet to the back door.
I face Gray and open my mouth to say it. Say something more: how I appreciated his words, how I was sorry for how things ended too, how I hope he is happy. But nothing comes out of my mouth. I just stare at him, my eyes welling with tears instead.
Gray holds out his hand and I look down at it. I knew those hands well and it’s like walking into a place you used to frequent in the past and have memories rush towards you as you remember: those hands held me and wrapped around my own and comforted me, they made me food and stroked my hair, and carried my bags when they got too heavy. They once wore an engagement band I gifted, they once held a small box with a life-changing question I had said yes to.
Now it was just a hand.
I clasp it and he squeezes.
“I know,” he says, his eyes trained on my watery ones. He squeezes again and lets go.
I rush into the car, those two words nearly cracking me in half. I wave goodbye through the tinted window and feel a wave of despair that pulls me down into the depths of darkness.
Too much was happening at once.
My emotions spiral out of me and I feel alone in this foreign country; I needed comfort where none could be found.
I don’t mean to. Or maybe I do. But on the train back to London I text Harry: is it too early to cash in on the drink?
His response is immediate: no, I was waiting for this text last night
I smile, despite myself.
Can I come over? I text with shaking hands.
H: For drinks?
Y: For drinks
H: Ofc.
***
The taxi drops me in front of the familiar building. I feel an echo of anxiety pierce through me as I go through the familiar doors. I nod at the concierge, the night replacement was new and I’m grateful nobody can recognize me making this potentially stupid decision.
For a brief second I wonder if Harry had other plans tonight but decide not to overthink it. He’d invited me openly. And maybe I was making a decision based on sadness and loneliness and grief and needing to be wanted but I make it. And I would make it like a grown woman—ready to accept the consequences.
I didn’t want to go back to my lonely hotel room. I didn’t want to call anyone and talk about what just happened. I didn’t have words. My body was taking the beating, feeling everything under the sun and now bruised and battered for it. I just wanted my body to forget that. And there was only one person in this godforsaken city that could help.
I’m let up to the penthouse and I forgot it had a distinct smell, wood-like and something indescribable. Weird that it felt comforting.
“You made it,” Harry comes into view in a simple pair of shorts and a long-sleeved white tee pushed up to his elbows. It’s the sleeves that really do it.
“I did.”
I leave my bags beside the elevator next to the umbrella stand, keeping my eyes on him. He doesn’t take his off mine either. I’m glad he doesn’t. Now I know he knows we both said drinks but meant something more.
He reaches out for me before I even get to him, and I know I would think about that later. A lot. But right then in the middle of his entryway I wrap my arms around his neck and lean up on my toes to reach him too.
His lips are soft against mine and he tucks me into him, his hand splayed out on my lower back. It feels like a return to a lover, someone who knows you, like I would’ve thought seeing Gray again would feel. But it’s just Harry, and the thought of baseless familiarity freaks me out a little.
The next time I feel his lips they’re on my jaw and neck and down to the base of my throat. He murmurs my name as he makes his way down and my body reacts immediately. He takes me by the waist and backs me up against the nearest wall, and I have a feeling I might fall.
I had made the conscious decision to walk into the devil’s lair because it was the only place I could get what I needed.
My fingers dig into his shoulders. My body wants this. Every part of me wants to pull him close and hold him and never let go. I wanted all of it tonight.
But I am so tired.
I put a hand on his chest and press gently. I can feel the warmth of his skin, the firmness of his muscles and the beat of his heart as he pauses.
“Sorry, I should have started with a hello. That was too fast was it?” He whispers, looking me straight in the eyes.
I have a million answers, but nothing comes. He puts his hand over mine and I feel it as a shiver runs up my spine.
"Is this too fast?" he asks again, and I hear the worry in his voice.
I shake my head.
He gives a breathy laugh, "Then tell me."
"I think I-“
“Don’t,” he covers my mouth with a laugh. “Please please. Don’t think.”
I smile under his palm and he drops his hand, I can tell he’s proud of lightening the moment by the sheen in his eyes. The moment is tender in a way that takes me back.
He brushes back my hair and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes, breathing in his cologne.
“That’s not where I want to be kissed,” I tell him.
“Then where?” He plays along.
“Anywhere but there.”
He kisses my nose. “There?”
“Not there,” I open my eyes to look up at him. “I’ll have you know that was very snotty just an hour ago.”
He groans, “you really have a way of taking the desire out of a situation.”
But his brows furrow and he watches me even closer.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I respond to his unasked question.
With that statement he takes a painful step back and I nearly slide down the wall without his support.
“What?” I ask.
“We should take that drink first.”
I feel the loss of his body pressed against mine, I realize miserably.
“What do you mean? I thought the drinks were just an excuse?” I ask.
He laughs a little, “Maybe tonight, but I really did want to have a drink with you. And talk.”
“Harry,” I groan. “I’m all out of talking tonight. Truly.”
“As much as I want to say forget talking and take you to bed I need to do this…just follow me,” he leads me and my flushed body through to the main living area which I was well familiar with but it’d gotten a facelift. I make commentary on the changes and he tells me more about it as he pulls a wine he wants out for us.
“I changed things around a little after you left,” he says as he hands me the wine glass. “I needed it. The change.”
“Oh.” Is all I can muster. I follow him to the sofa, tonight he doesn’t leave as much space between us but it still feels like a weird parallel to the night I landed in the hospital; a confrontation with Gray leading me to wine with Harry. “Look Harry I don’t know if I can do this.”
“Why not?”
“I…I’m at minimal capacity right now I just-“
“Just let me talk then.”
“Why does everyone want to talk!”
“I need to tell you what I should have said a long time ago and I want to apologize-“
“You already did-“
“Properly.”
I cross my arms and sigh.
“Y/n bloody hell I forgot how quickly you can get under my skin.”
“So this isn’t a great thing then.”
“Y/N,” he says my name like a warning and I want to comply. I roll my eyes and knock back my glass of wine, the buzz from the glass at dinner has long since worn away.
“Part of me wants to top you up but another part remembers what happened last time.” Harry eyes me.
“No I’m okay with just one glass. Drinking when I’m upset doesn’t end well.”
“Yeah…I don’t want you concussed on my watch again.”
“No we don’t want that,” we smile at each other, a soft and sentimental smile that gets the anxious stuttering of my heart to calm down a little. He just wanted to talk, so what?
But the anxious voice runs through the scenarios he might want to—his recent text, or something I did as his PA he wants to take up now. Gah.
“I really have missed having you around,” he says softly.
“Didn’t feel like you would with how you treated me.” I raise my brow.
“I know.” He pauses then mumbles something before talking to me directly. “You must have heard about the PA before you? Maybe from Riley?”
“Kind of.”
“Kind of?”
“Hmmm this feels like a trick question.” I say but he tells me he just wants to know what I knew. So I rip the bandaid off. “You had a fling with her.”
He hangs his head back over the seat of the sofa and sighs. “I knew that piece of…Riley makes me really mad when I think about him sometimes.”
“Does he?” I raise my brow. “I can think of someone else who makes me madder.”
“I know that’s supposed to be me. And I don’t know what to do about that except come clean right now.”
“And why is that?” I ask. “Coming clean? I came here just to get distracted in bed with you. I never thought I’d live to see the day where a guy like you wants to talk instead.”
“Y/N,” he says with such an intense look my way my stomach flips. “Trust me. I want to have you in my bed more than you do. But I told myself if that day ever somehow happened it would be after this.”
I shrug, let him continue. In reality his words make me weak and I can’t speak. Which kind of annoys me—why did he have such a strong pull over me? How did he so easily admit he’s thought about me, about having me in his bed!?
My heart flutters amongst other things.
I remember a brief conversation I had with my mom last year when she asked me why I wasn’t putting myself out there and dating again and I told her I just didn’t have the heart for it. She had said it seems I left my heart in London—my passion and my heart. Sitting here with Harry stirs something inside of me, scares me, and I want to distract that with more wine. But I manage to control myself.
“I was fairly new to the industry when I hired Riley and it was his second proper job or something so we were both a bit young and we ended up being friendlier than we should have.” Harry starts. “But he was great at his job and never gave me any issues. I stayed naïve that people in this industry would look out for my best interest-“
“That’s really naïve,” I can’t help but comment but he throws me a look and I zip my lips. “Sorry.”
“I was lucky that the first few relationships I built as I got my foot in the door were genuine but I realized too late that it wasn’t a norm. Everyone wanted a piece of me and they all wanted me to be someone else. Some angle. Shit hit the fan pretty quickly. So when I needed more help I decided to create a new role for Riley and hire a PA. She was seasoned and came highly recommended.”
I nod along to his story.
“Long story short, she started out good but she kept trying to get me alone and get me talking. And back then after being friends with my old PA I didn’t have the wisdom of setting boundaries—don’t give me that look.”
“What!” I raise my hands. “I’m just listening.”
“You’re judging me.”
“Just continue,” I encourage. I was judging a little.
“Anyway, where I thought we were just friendly she thought I—I dunno I was falling for her or something. And one night she was working late so she had dinner here. She kept refilling my drink I didn’t realize she wasn’t drinking as much. It’s not much of an excuse but by the time she came onto me I was pissed and it didn’t take much.”
He continues the story like it was nothing but his voice catches a little and he doesn’t look me in the eye. My insides grow colder. I want to reach inside of him and hold the old Harry, the naive one who didn’t know better.
“Please don’t feel bad for me,” he cuts my sympathy short. “I didn’t turn into a great person after that. Especially with how I treated you.”
“That’s right.” I pretend to be unaffected by his story like he wanted me to be. But it’s near impossible.
“So that’s how I decided it was best for me to play the asshole. I couldn’t fire her after that—it would look awful and she could report me and screw me over. But I could make working for me a nightmare and so I did. A few months later she quit.”
He sighs and takes a swig of his wine, “Then you came along and I thought ‘I should play the asshole from the get go.’ I had gotten good by then at compartmentalizing my personality in the industry.”
“Hmph,” I raise a brow. He has the decency to look embarrassed but he continues.
“But the more time we spent together the worse I felt. You were nothing like the previous PA. You were genuine and down-to-earth. Pretty fiery but I wouldn’t find that out until later,” he grins. I roll my eyes. “I tried to ease up a little but things kept happening to push me back into the asshole box.”
“But you were so snappy, and a dick.”
“I know. I didn’t know how to tell you you worked too hard without dropping the asshole act and making you feel even shittier.”
“What do you mean?”
“I had to be the villain in your story-“
“What?” What was he talking about?
“Yeah like, you were working all the time even though there were some times I told you to wrap it up for the day.”
I remembered that, thinking he was kicking me out.
“But you took the job so seriously. I appreciated everything you did but you were dogged at making sure you did the best at any cost.”
“What do you mean? At any cost?” I ask, a cold sensation running down my back.
“For example take that one time a few months in when I asked you to call me because you forgot to order wine. You bloody came all the way back to hand deliver it-“
“Yeah because you said to call you and you were gonna be pissed if I-“
“No, y/n,” he lays a hand between us. “I just wanted you to call to know where you usually ordered from so I could order that for myself. You weren’t in any trouble! But I could only blame myself for playing the hard asshole too well.”
I think about that night, Josie’s birthday party. How I left early and upset Gray. How I didn’t need to but I had been following the Dos and Dont’s list.
Shit, the lists. They were added onto by the last PA who, now I know, was having her life made into hell just so she would quit. Some of those lists were on an extreme I didn’t even have to follow. Fuck. That was on me.
My face must be a painting of regret because Harry apologizes again.
“I’m sorry but I didn’t want you to…I just felt like I had to play the villain so you could do what you had to do. So you could continue hating me and we could establish the clear boundary.”
“Right.” I have a bitter taste in my mouth.
“But I genuinely liked you, I thought you were funny and sensitive-“
“You don’t like my sensitivity.”
“I do. I just hated how angry you were-“
“Because of you.”
“I know. I created a monster, I’m Frankenstein.”
“Damn straight.” I agree and we pause a beat before laughing.
“Anyway,” he continues. “You were funny and sensitive and resilient, passionate and smart, and you cared so deeply. It was rare meeting people like you in this field. I wanted to wrap you in bubble wrap but I think I shattered you instead. I’m sorry for the way I just let my past colour your time here. I feel like you left because of me-“
“It was really a lot of reasons.”
“I know but I was part of that and I felt no good. After you left I was a miserable son of a bitch for a while. I couldn’t even enjoy my holiday because I kept thinking of you. I was miserable so I barely even said goodbye—I didn’t realize you were going to run away so far. But I also didn’t want to say goodbye because I was scared I would convince you to stay by spilling my truth.”
His words sit on my chest and they slowly sink down to my stomach. I don’t know what it meant, what he wanted me to do with this confession. It’s too much.
“Mostly,” he continues, shifting closer to me on the sofa. He lowers his voice, “Mostly I’m sorry about Barcelona.”
I flush at the mention of it. At the heat and passion from that night. His eyes roam my face.
“I’m not that guy. I should have treated you nicer, should have been the one to keep my patience.”
“I didn’t make it easy,” I admit.
“No,” he chuckles. “You really fucking did not.”
We smile.
“But you’re so much more than anger y/n. I could barely sleep that night, I kept regretting giving into the anger and not being slow and soft with you the way you deserve. I regret it all the time.”
His confession pulls the veil off my eyes and I see a sharper image of my past. Of everything. It all comes at once and I can’t sort through it in the moment but I know what I want to do.
I shuffle over until I’m up against Harry, I hold his face in mine and he cups my face in his hand.
“You drove me crazy,” I tell him. “Made my life hell.”
“I know. But you drove me crazy too. Nobody got under my skin like you did.”
“Same.”
His hand snakes down to my thigh and he nudges it over his lap so that I’m straddling his body. I feel vulnerable and scared—not the first time these emotions have coursed through me in this very room. But today I don’t feel powerless.
His lips are soft against my cheek, my jaw, down my neck. Unlike the first time he’s slow and deliberate like someone who’s waited so long to unwrap a cherished gift and can’t stand ripping even the gift wrap. He pushes my hair out of the way and trails his fingertips down the back of my neck.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers in my ear. The more he talked the more nervous he was making me. I turn my head to capture his lips, run my fingers through his hair which is too short to really grasp. I missed his old hair.
We break apart for a breath and I can feel the tension. The desire to have him near clashing with the need to go slow. To savour this. Somehow we both feel it.
“We don’t have to do anything tonight,” Harry promises me, his finger trailing down my arm. “Just having you here is enough.”
Oh god. How did he know just the things to say. This man was way too suave. He really was the devil.
But I needed him. It’s scary to admit but I did. I wanted to be here, I really did. I needed to be in this moment with him. Fulfill some shut-out desire that had grown dusty in the corner of my heart.
“I want to do this.”
With a gentle kiss he gets us up and takes my hand. I feel myself being pulled through the living room and towards the bedroom. The sheets are cool, but not cold and when he crawls in beside me I forget that I had ever been anywhere else.
He’s attentive and deliberate and I’m buzzing with anticipation. I decide to pick up the pace, propping myself up to take off my blouse. I watch his throat bob up and down like he’s never seen me like this before even though he has. It’s endearing.
The way his hands fit in the curve of my waist makes it harder to breathe. He moves his hands up my torso and to the straps of my bra. He pauses, as if asking permission, and when I nod, he kisses me. He unhooks it and slowly slides it off my shoulders, eyes fixed on mine.
The intensity of his gaze is overwhelming.
I pull him close to kiss him again, and he pulls me under him so I can feel the full weight of him against me. This is what I needed. To be physically present and not stuck in the after tremors of the earthquakes of my past. Not that he wasn’t part of my past but this is different. A non-verbal agreement to just be present. I knew his ways with women, it could be a one-night thing and that’s what I needed.
But that’s why the moments of tenderness and adoration nearly take my breath away. I don’t know where to put these things.
He kisses down my shoulder while his hand trails down to my trousers. He hooks his finger into the belt loop and tugs gently, looking up at me for consent.
I nod.
He slowly takes them off, and when his fingers brush against my bare legs, my breath hitches.
It happens again when he presses his lips against my hip bone.
He stops for a moment, and I can almost see the cogs in his brain whirring.
He moves up to press his forehead against mine.
"I don't know how to do this right," he says quietly, and his eyes search mine.
“What do you mean?”
“This is always how I should have treated you,” he whispers. “I want you to know-“
“Harry,” I smooth out the lines on his forehead.
"No," he grabs my hand and kisses it. "I don't want you to feel like I don't care because I do. I don’t want to hurt you. I'm not good at saying these things. But I want you to know how much I value you. That I like you as a person. I respect you. I want you to be okay.”
“I-“ who was this Harry, seriously!? “I get it. I’m okay. I am.”
He smiles at me tentatively and my heart does a somersault.
I grab the back of his neck and pull him down, pressing my lips against his. I could taste the sweetness of the words he had said.
I tug at his shirt and it flies into the darkness of his bedroom. His skin is heated against mine.
It feels like an eternity before he finally reaches the band of my panties, and my heart thumps wildly.
"May I?" he looks up.
"Please," I whisper.
For the first time since I’ve met him he doesn’t make it about himself or what he needs. It’s almost intimidating how intense he is as he looks after me and it’s hard to reconcile this man with the man in my head. We’re of one mind and it’s like he knows everything I’ve been through in the last 24 hours; he just attends to my every need reminding me that I was here, right here, in his arms and in this body.
And it doesn’t go unnoticed.
“Are you staying the night?” He asks later with a final kiss to my shoulder.
“If that’s alright?” I ask. I didn’t want to be alone in a cold hotel room.
“I’d love nothing more.” He says earnestly.
Love. I brush the word away.
He warns me that he was a slug if I stayed and he’s not exaggerating, with his arm draped over me and tucked up against him he’s like a child with a plush. He falls asleep just as quickly.
I should too but can’t. I feel so intensely about this body laying beside me, I want to crawl inside of him, understand him, understand us and how this worked.
Or maybe I wanted to just understand me, and why I felt a piece of myself sliding back into place tonight. I had to be the most fucked up person in this city.
Instead of sleeping I lay awake thinking about everything and I can’t help it. I go over this morning—god it felt like weeks ago. Josie’s graduation. Josie. Gray. Even Michelle.
I feel slightly paralyzed by everything that transpired today—it truly felt like peering through a glass window into a life I used to have. I try to break open the glass, sort it all out.
On one side is me and everything I’ve done this whole year to move on from the crumbs of my life here in London. I don’t know why but I really did think that coming back I would be 100% untouchable by my past. I was an idiot for thinking that because I was bothered that Gray seemed to have a steady girlfriend. Why did I think anything would rekindle between us?
I dig deeper, did I even want that to happen? Or did I just want to prove to myself that I was the one Gray let get away because I was too scared to face the possibility that I was the one who let Gray get away.
But clearly something didn’t work with us, I think bitterly. A few months with his new girl and he found the balls to open up with me and communicate his grievances and his apologies.
Love that’s as fierce and loyal as you are, he had said. Was I too much for Gray? Is that why we were made to burn out? It hurt too that he had damaged all my relationships I made in my life here in London only to cut those same people out of his life immediately after I left. The more I think about it the angrier I feel.
And his mom, I still feel bruised by her acting like she didn’t even know me. It stokes the anger higher. Her own son has called her crazy on multiple occasions, I was always nothing but kind to her. Gray was the one who put the final nail in our coffin yet the woman who called me her daughter and claimed to love me had been cruel. Even in the face of getting along for Josie’s sake she had put her petty feelings in the forefront.
These people made me so angry.
How did I ever think I could rekindle anything with Gray? As much as I was to blame, I realize, Gray couldn’t even be kind in the end. Just because the year apart was good to him didn’t mean he would still be good for me.
I think about the man laying beside me, in a hypothetical situation if things got ugly I instinctively want to say he would be cruel too. But I have to push past the persona he claimed to have put up and think about the glimpses of the man I saw underneath. Something tells me he would be just as fiery in letting me know how he was feeling. But with his recent apologies I’m not as convinced he would go out of his way to hurt me again.
Even in the bar last night, I just assumed he called me Mrs. Duran to be cruel but he hadn’t known. Or when I had assumed at Josie’s birthday party I would be fired for forgetting wine because he was an asshole when really he just acted like one so I wouldn’t feel worse.
How many times had I judged people because of how skewed my own lens was? It’s a sobering reminder.
Josie’s face flashes through my mind and I tear up at knowing we were going to cut each other out. No matter how much we loved each other staying in touch at this rate was no longer sustainable. For her best interest.
I think of my younger brother back home, my older sister, our family of 5. When I went back home there was so much to catch up on and eventually, apologize for. I had missed out on so much of my family’s life because I believed I needed to leave to grow. Well, life sure handed me a lot of lessons but I needed to go back home to plant them and let me grow.
Harry stirs beside me, nuzzling my neck in his sleep. I feel myself go teary eyed for no reason.
I wondered if this was just a one-night thing. If we would see each other again while I was in London. Did I want to see him? My heart sings yes immediately.
Damn.
What was it about him that pushed my emotions to the highest highs and lowest lows. How did he know every button to push and every bruise to kiss. This had to be toxic, we couldn’t just take our great big baggage of a past and see each other casually while I was in London. It couldn’t be that easy.
What if it was, hope whispers. I squirm. Could I forgive Harry for everything he’d done?
“Y’sleeping?” Harry mumbles to my left. Shit.
“Yeah,” I say which invokes a throaty chuckle from him. I check the time, it was nearly 4. Double shit.
“Liar,” he tugs on my hips and I turn to face him. “Talk to me.”
I couldn’t. Half of my thought were about him. And how could I tell him I was thinking about my ex after spending the night with him. So I just shake my head.
“Please?” He brushes my cheek with his thumb. “You need to sleep.”
“I-“ I try to say I can’t but the words get stuck in my throat. The emotions of everything I’d been thinking in the last couple hours threaten to dislodge the words from my throat so I close my mouth. But it doesn’t work.
A sob bursts out of me and before I can reel it all in the floodgates swing open and it carries all the pent-up sorrow and confusion, grief and anguish I had bottled up.
Harry freezes for a moment, probably very confused to wake up and have me reacting this way. But he recovers and pulls me into his warm chest.
“What is going on in that head of yours love,” Harry murmurs. Love. I sob even harder.
He murmurs reassuring words whilst stroking my back and I cry an embarrassing amount in the same bed where just hours ago I was blissed beyond comprehension. Life moves fast.
Finally when I gain enough composure I lean away, covering my face because crying into him was one thing but seeing my ugly cry face was another.
“Here,” I feel his body move and then tissues pressed into my hand. I’m grateful for them but I wasn’t going to blow my nose here. I sit up and try to dry my nose. His hand reaches out and the tips of his fingers rest on my spine like he was tethering my lost body to him. Somehow even that is reassuring.
“Don’t go trying to kiss my nose this early on again,” I try to joke through a stuffy voice.
“I wouldn’t dare,” he tugs my arm a little and I fall back beside him. He holds me in both his arms and I watch in horror and affection as he kisses the tip of my nose.
“Stop being so nice,” I laugh and cry a little too.
“You’re actually complaining about me being nice?”
“No I just—I’m not used to it,” I press the tissue to my eyes again.
“Well get used to it,” he peels the hair off of my face and pushes it back. “I don’t want to be the one hurting you. I swear to never ever be the reason you cry like this to anyone.”
“Don’t say those sorts of things if you don’t mean it.”
“I do,” he caresses my face. “You’re breaking my heart y/n, I don’t know who hurt you but I never want to see you like this. Especially not because of me alright? I’m sorry if I ever-“
“Stop,” I put my hand to his mouth. Which is kind of gross since I just blew my nose but I’m pretty sure him kissing my snotty nose means he didn’t care.
“But-“ he says behind my hand.
“I’m embarrassed right now,” I admit.
“You have seen me in every compromising situation,” Harry says. “And we have been through too much together to be embarrassed right now.”
“Fine,” I sigh. “It is tiring.”
“Maybe you can finally sleep now that it’s…almost 5?”
“Sorry,” I sigh. “I hope you don’t have something early?”
“Nope,” he kisses the top of my head. “And even if I did it wouldn’t matter.”
So we both try to go back to bed and I manage to fall asleep, all of those tiring racing thoughts washed away by a good cry. I feel warm and cared for and vulnerable and protected. A stark change from how Harry has made me feel before. Maybe this was temporary or maybe this was the start of something new. I’m just taking it minute by minute while all I can think is Do I or Don’t I?
***
It’s my final week in London and if you’d asked me a couple weeks ago if I was looking forward to going back home I would have said without hesitation yes.
But that night at Harry’s and putting my past to rest brushes away an old and tired film I had been viewing the city with since I landed.
We had seen each other a couple times a week since—I’ve been cautious despite my body saying otherwise. There were many days I had been free but I had made up some excuse not to see him, I was scared of getting too attached and having to leave.
But I can’t deny how nice it was to be with Harry without any labels. Most of the time I went over to his, it was tricky going out somewhere too public and risking getting papped. Together we just talk about life and work, my life back in America and my relationship with my family, his life growing up and his relationship with stardom. We watch movies and listen to music and make jokes and I open up a little about what had been weighing on my mind that night.
Winnie teases me that I was lighter than she’s ever seen me, that London looked good on me. I tell her she’s crazy. But even Oretta admits it when Winnie brings it up to her.
Harry makes the effort to make up for how he acted until it’s not just words. I believe what he was saying. And I admit to my faults too.
We still get under each other’s skin.
The thing we argue about the most is an opportunity Harry tries to get me to sign off on. The link he texted me when I was in Cambridge was an upcoming single one of his friends was releasing and he wanted to get me to bid on executing a music video for it. I tell him he was nuts and that I had no experience, plus I had a job. But he persists. He thinks I should explore putting my creative skills to use and not just my organizational skills. The arguing continues.
I have a date with him tonight, at the same bar we bumped into each other that first night. I have a question I’d been meaning to ask him.
“You aren’t actually a regular here are you?” I ask when we’ve settled.
“Of course I am,” he says but I know he’s lying. I raise my brow and he looks everywhere but at me. “Fine. I’m not.”
“So how the hell did you end up here that night?”
“Coincidence.”
“Liar.”
“I’m an honest man.”
“Truth please?”
“You’re embarrassing me here let’s move on.”
“Nuh-uh,” I’m enjoying his bright cheeks and darting eyes. “Did you stalk me or something?”
“I…I knew this was a local spot for you. Or was.”
“Really? How?”
“You mentioned it a few times? And I dropped you off here once after work.”
He might’ve. I’d met many friends and especially Gray here. I motion for him to continue.
“I might’ve known you were in town, might’ve found out you were here and…”
“So you did stalk me,” I gasp. “Oh my god ladies and gents he is obsessed.”
“That’s a strong word.” He argues.
“You. Stalked. Me.”
“Oh fine, I’ll confess: I’m used to the stalkers and I thought it was high time I did some stalking and see what the fun was all about,” he joins in on making fun of himself.
“Someone get me a restraining order,” I say just as someone approaches our table with drinks. As soon as they leave we burst out laughing.
“So have you given the music video any more thought?” Harry asks as the evening continues.
“Can we not talk about this right now?” I ask.
“I just think you should give it serious thought. I know you want to go into PR, be somebody’s Graham, but you have a really good eye for this thing. Before you pursue what you think you want, try this out.”
“You’re one dude,” I say again. “Who believes I can do this. You want me to throw away the career I’ve worked on for years to dabble in this and potentially waste time instead of getting to where I want?”
“Firstly, if you love doing something it’s not time wasted. And secondly you only ever need just one person to believe in you, angel.”
His fingers brush mine on the table, the familiar electricity courses through me just through the small touch. And of course, his use of pet names always turned me to putty. I hated how malleable he made me.
“Consider it. Just write a proposal y/n, it’s not betraying Oretta or anything. I can talk to her if you want if they choose your idea.”
It was scary putting myself out there for something I didn’t believe in myself for. But my echoes of burnout grow towards the idea of doing something less demanding than being an assistant just like a sunflower to the sun. It basks in letting my creativity flow.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Not for too long,” he taps my fingers again. We were cautious about being too touchy in public, even in a place like this where people genuinely didn’t care who he was. “Proposal’s due at the end of next week.”
When I would be back home in America. Away from here. Him.
We hadn’t talked about it, if we would try to keep in touch. I can’t really imagine a long-distance thing with Harry. Not at this stage. Mostly we enjoyed being in each other’s company and I was scared forcing labels just because we would be apart would ruin this fragile thing.
“Fine.” He’d worn me down and I submit. “Fine I’ll get something in for you.”
He pulls back with a shocked expression. “Did I just convince the stubborn y/n y/l/n to do something she didn’t want to do?”
I scowl. “Don’t get used to it.”
“I won’t,” he laughs, waving his hands around him like he was fanning in an aroma. “I’m soaking this in though.”
“Whatever,” I say with a smile.
“You make me work hard,” he smiles back. “For everything y/n. That’s one of the things I l-I-that I really like about you.”
We ignore the near slip of something far too serious for what we had going. We move past it but it sets my heart racing.
“So this friend of yours,” I change the subject. “With the music video. Didn’t you guys have like, beef when you were on tour? All that article stuff?”
“You of all people should know not to believe what you see online. It was all manipulated and put out of context.”
“I know but you were all moody for all your shows afterwards. I remember Jeff and Graham complaining. I assumed the articles had worn you down a bit.”
He raises a brow like he’s waiting on me to figure something out.
“What?”
“Really? You think it was the artcles?”
“Well what else happened that-“
Oh god. Was I that stupid?
Of course it wasn’t the articles, it was me! Us.
A smile stretches over the contours of his face as realization dawns on mine, “Twice in a row I’ve got you today, I should buy a lottery ticket.”
“I’m off my game today is all, don’t get used to it.”
I can’t believe it. Not that I didn’t believe Harry after the last few weeks but I—that night—really meant that much to him that his feelings over it had affected the rest of his tour? I had affected his tour?
“Why didn’t you say anything if it was weighing on you so much? If I recall I tried to talk to you a couple times.” I ask.
“What could I say,” he snorts. “You were engaged and my loss of control was why you cheated. Then you were quitting and I knew if I said anything you might have stayed. I didn’t want to keep you where you didn’t want to be.”
His words tug at my heart. He really had thought up a storm.
“Harry,” I lean back. “Gray and I broke up before I joined you guys on tour again. We weren’t cheating.”
His forehead creases, “What?! But you were together at my London show. I thought you two broke up after you moved back home?”
“No,” I guess in the last few weeks I’d just mentioned we broke up a long time ago. He didn’t know any specifics. “We were fake-together because he hadn’t broken the news to his sister then. But that’s why I was all…y’know in Barcelona-“
“Fuck me,” he groans. “No wonder you thought I was an ass for pulling you away-“
“Well you were-“
“Yeah alright-“
“Why did you really pull me away though?”
“I…I was feeling a bit possessive.”
“What?”
I wasn’t expecting that to come out of his mouth. He smiles sheepishly, “I thought we already came to terms with that.”
My stomach does a few somersaults. Until tonight I don’t think I’ve really focused on the magnitude of how Harry felt back then. Parts of my mind were still remembering him as a prick just because it was easier to remember my side of things. But this spins things in a brighter light.
“I was just your assistant though.”
“Y/N,” he tilts his head to the side. “Did I not already tell you what I thought about you that night in my flat?”
“Yeah but-“
“I’d never met anyone like you, I really liked you. I couldn’t have you though and I had to push you away constantly. And that drove me a bit crazy sometimes.”
I let out a noisy breath, wondering if how he felt about me was just as intense now as it was then. A part of me knows it must be. Feelings like that didn’t fade. But here I was, barely knowing what it was I felt for him. All I knew was that it was nice when we were together.
Why me, I want to ask. But I hold back. It wasn’t a question I could ask my ex-employer current-lover part-time-asshole.
“Sorry,” he apologizes. “Was that a bit strong?”
“No,” I sigh again and he laughs. “Fine. A little. But it’s fine, I’m okay.”
“Okay,” he believes me. “So you broke off your engagement and didn’t tell anyone?”
“Kinda, we weren’t in a place we could come back from. We decided that mutually after things blew up. He didn’t even know I was leaving the country actually.”
Harry whistles. “You ran out on all of us.”
I scratch the side of my head, “Maybe?”
“Well I’ve enjoyed having you again, here.” He says with sincerity. “I’m really relieved to be able to get to say everything I wanted to your face.”
I agree. Neither of us mention I was leaving later in the week.
Even by the night before I’m leaving London we still hadn’t discussed a thing. But there’s a heaviness to us as we have dinner at his, as we pretend to watch a movie only to cuddle on the couch. We lay there facing each other and I trace his eyes, his nose, his wonderful mouth. It’s so odd to me that this was the same Harry Styles performing in sold out venues and on the walls of teenage bedrooms. That I got to have him in these quiet moments and be present.
I feel so grateful for this. That I didn’t have to carry around these draining stories within me anymore, that it felt like it happened to someone else. In a way even if nothing came from all this, I got closure. I was able to move on now.
I imagine my heart and it feels like when you take a stroll mid-March and realize nature was healing from winter’s blues. Warm and blooming the earth was growing again—my heart was growing stronger. Now the idea of a date or a partner didn’t seem so daunting and exhausting. I would never have guessed that it would take the man who almost broke me to come into my life again for me to see how to fit those pieces back in place again.
“I don’t know what I’m gonna do not having you in town anymore,” his lashes flutter as I run my hand through his hair. It was still shorter than I was used to but it had grown in the last three weeks.
“Oh you’ll be fine,” I say. “I’ve worked on your schedule before: meetings and studio sessions and photoshoots and interviews.”
“A busy life isn’t always a full one,” he whispers. And it’s the closest thing to a confession we were going to get to. I cover his mouth with mine and we indulge in each other one final time.
There is a symphony of unexpected but undeniable intimacy woven between the beats of our entwined hearts. I know I would probably never feel this way with anyone and I don’t think I’d want to. Being with Harry was passion. It was losing myself and finding myself at the same time. It was being vulnerable and guarded and cherished and known.
My flight out tomorrow is around noon but I can’t stay the night as I’d have to help Oretta in the morning to make sure everything gets to the airport in time. Harry walks me down to his lobby and we stand there for a few, just holding each other tight. He doesn’t ask me to stay and I don’t ask him to come.
“This isn’t goodbye y/n,” Harry says when we part. His hand rests on his heart. I know the feeling, mine aches so hard I want to press my hand to it just to tell it everything would be fine.
“No,” I shake my head. My eyes had been teary ever since he squeezed me to him. “We’ll talk soon.”
“You’ll be directing music videos soon.”
I roll my eyes, “I’m still working on the proposal.”
“I have a good feeling about it.”
“That makes one of us. But…thanks for believing in me.”
“Thanks for believing in me,” he whispers. “Even when you didn’t have to.”
I’m glad I did. The only time in my life not paying attention to the warning bells had paid off.
“I’ve been working with this new producer and he wants me to come out to a studio in Cotati?” Harry mentions. “How far is that from where you are? Are you still in m Burbank?”
“Burbank’s where my parents are,” I shake my head. I look up what he’s talking about and feel a thrill when it’s less than a couple hours. Still, I try to maintain neutrality. “A little over an hour?”
“Well,” he brushes my hair over my shoulder and keeps his eyes looking just over it. “Depending on what you’re doing—maybe if you’re free…we can see each other again?”
I would love that. My heart is bursting just thinking of getting to have him in the place I called home. Of this meaning something. Of him wanting to see me again.
“Of course if you have a boyfriend by then and he doesn’t want you to see me that’s…I mean, live your life and if it works out we-“
“Yes,” I cut him off. “Yeah. Let’s see but that sounds good.”
He meets my gaze and I laugh a little, he was nervous and that was rare.
“Good,” he smiles with. “Until next time.”
“Until next time,” I step into his arms and it’s a quick affair before he steps away. I turn to head out the door, shielding my eyes from him. Not wanting him to see that this was stupidly hard to say goodbye.
He waves me off and I head back to my hotel with a heavy heart. But I think about him asking to see me again. Who knows when that would be. And I know this wasn’t the end of our story.
***
I’m happy to land in SFO the following evening, happy to busy myself with Oretta’s business, happy to have Winnie chattering away. I spent parts of the flight I wasn’t sleeping working on my MV proposal and it awakens a familiar passion inside of me I’d been afraid I’d lost.
I send out a silent thanks to Harry for knowing what was good for me.
I think of Harry often, Gray even less until I don’t think of him at all. I dream of London weekly; I missed it this time around. And as life resumes again I anticipate the change I sense on the horizon.
So when life gives me lemons I stop asking Do I or Don’t I. If one thing the last year has taught me was I had to listen to my gut and look at the signs. I had to start asking what I wanted and go after it. Even though Harry and I barely talk, I remember the lessons he’s taught me.
I stop looking to others to make decisions. There’s no guidebook or lists to help me make my decisions either. I take deep breaths and I believe in myself.
I build a new life on the remains of my old. I don’t let it dictate what I did anymore, I simply leave it as the foundation to elevate me even higher. I reach for the sky with my feet planted firmly on the ground. And I grow with reckless abandon.
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TAGLIST: @boomitsallie1 @indierockgirrl @ndunad @jerseygirlinca @sunshinemoonsposts @ninasw0rld @love-letters-to-uranus @mayamonroem @sassamanda77 @harryspirate
🤍
#writingsfromhome#harry styles x reader#harry styles fic#harry styles#harry styles fanfic#harry styles imagine#harry styles angst#harry styles fluff#musician!harry#harry styles series#harry stylesxreader#enemies to lovers#dos and don’ts#this is DONE#I HAD THE MOST FUN WRITING THIS I REALLY POURED MY HEART INTO IT#IM SO HAPPY ITS DONE#AHHH#I LOVED WRITING THESE CHARACTERS#EVEN THE FRUSTRATING ONES#fic#<3#i considered an epilogue but firstly not enough space and secondly idk if this open-ish ending suited the series?#if you didn’t like the ending I’m sorry just consider the alternate ending to be right after the grad dinner#but listen distance and experience provides perspective so nobody stay mad#okk byee#love ya
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I had a rough time growing up and ive never relaxed around anyone, i was wondering if maybe i could request a little thing with eddie where theyre cuddling and hes helping the reader relax and helping reader learn to trust him, that shes safe now, that she can let go.. nothing bads going to happen..
maybe alittle bit of subspace too?
And she tells eddie that she loves him while shes all doughy eyed and relaxed ❤
Softly and slowly. Eddie Munson x female reader. Angst/fluff. Blurb.
Ty for your request, I hope this is okay. It’s a bit self indulgent but I hope it helps you feel better. My DMs are open if you ever need to speak to someone impartial<3
“You’re okay. No need to worry doll. You think anyone’s gonna hurt you? No chance. They’ll have to get through me, and do you think anyone’s gonna try and fight the freak? Nah. They’re scared of me. So you, little princess, are so safe here.” Eddie mutters, breathing his words into your ear as you lay on his chest. His hair curling over your forehead, he looks down at you with a reassuring smile. You knew you belonged to him. He never treated you like his property, but like you were the most precious crystal he’d ever found. As if you were washed up on the shore just for him to find and polish.
“I promise you. I got you.” His smile beaming from ear to ear, your heartbeat begins to slow and return to its normal pace. Something about being on Eddie’s chest became the most comforting thing for you. It’s like when a baby is born and they lay on their parents chests almost immediately after, soothing the crying to a holt. With your father absent for most of your life, the daddy issues really came to life when you met Eddie. The sort of guy you’d bring home to your parents to piss them off, I mean look at him. A metal head, a stoner, tattoos and in a band called “Corroded Coffin.” You knew your mom wouldn’t approve, she barely approved of you. Always criticising everything you did, putting you down at every given opportunity. But Eddie? He was almost paternal to you.
“They can’t hurt you anymore.” He whispers, running his hands through your hair, scratching at your scalp. His hands massaging your head melted away all of the thoughts, all of the trauma memories that came to light in the panic attack. Eddie knew your past, he wasn’t the sort of “don’t kill yourself you’re so sexy!” Or “don’t do it again.. for me?” Whilst rubbing your scarred skin kind of guy. He was patient, it took years for you to open up to him and he waited. Never pushed for information, never tried to force you to open up about your childhood. He just comforted you, held your hand through the panic attacks, cuddled you through your nightmares and sat in the therapy office waiting room for you every Thursday while you worked on yourself.
“I’m here for you.” He kisses your forehead. The act is so simple yet so intimate. He was right too. He was there for you. He sat with you for hours at skull rock when you got the news that the dad that left you when you were just seven years old had passed away. He was there for you when you were finally diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder, and he wiped every single tear that fell down your cheek. But the best part was, he never expected anything in return. Eddie never tried to cash in on his emotional support to you with sexual favours. He didn’t see you as a doll that you could use when you wanted her. He saw you for who you were, a little damaged but a huge heart with so much love to give.
“Nothing bad is gonna happen to you now baby.” Eddie mumbled as he cradled you, swaying your body from side to side. You let yourself breathe, the breath came out harshly. Mustering up all of the energy you have left to lift your chin up from his tattooed chest, your head feeling a little hazy from the second hand smoke of his joint. You see him, half smiling and brushing the hair from your face behind your ears.
“I love you.” Your voice was breathy and insecure but you knew you meant your words. They didn’t come from your throat, but from the depths of your heart. You lean in, planting a gentle peck on his lips, feeling him smile against you before he agreed, “I love you too.” He’s honey-eyed and his facial expression so gooey and soft for you. Time slows as you stare at each other, so innocently in love with each other. He loves you gently, softly and carefully. You know your heart is safe with him.
#stranger things#mine#eddie munson#eddie munson au#eddie stranger things#eddie blurb#eddie x reader#eddie munson x fem reader#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x reader#fluff#eddie munson x fem!reader fluff#angst#eddie x fem reader#fix it fic#eddie munson blurbs#fluff blurb#eddie munson fluff#eddie the freak munson#eddie the banished#eddie munson one shot#eddie munson stranger things#Eddie Munson comfort fic#comfort fic#eddie munson imagine
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Tell Tale Signs
MINORS DNI +18 Only
“Is daddy gonna make it?” Isabella your daughter asked as she watched you put on your makeup
“Yes he is baby”
She looks down at her tablet “There’s only 1 hour left”
“Do you want to call him?” you ask not wanting to be pestered until Rio finally made it home
“YAH!” She nods excitedly
You hand your phone to her letting her take the lead. She puts in the code and proceeds to call him via facetime.
“Y/N” He called your name this being the first time you called him in 2 weeks he was hoping you were waving the white flag.
“DADDY!”
“Ah princessa how are you baby girl?”
“Daddy where are you?”
“I’m on the way see?” He shows the cars passing by on the highway
“HI UNCLE NICK!” she greets Nick who was driving
“HI ISABELLA!” he greets with the same enthusiasm
“Daddy it’s getting late and we have reservations at 6:00”
Rio chuckles “I know princessa, I’m right around the corner I’ll be there in 15 minutes I promise”
“Okay” Isabella beams happy with his response “You wanna talk to mommy?”
“Let's let daddy and Uncle Nick drive okay? Drive safe see you when you get here” you say dryly before hanging up the phone. You didn’t want to hear what he had to say; he just needed to be on time.
“Go check on your brother tell him daddy will be here in 15 minutes”
“Okay!”
You chuckle to yourself as you watch her skip out the room.
Keeping true to his word, he arrived in 15 minutes you had already put out the clothes he was going to wear. Nothing was said between you two when he arrived he simply stripped out of his normal jeans and tee attire and put on his formal clothes minus the tie. By the time he stepped out of the room you and the kids were in the car waiting.
“Daddy are we gonna make it in time?” Isabella asked just as he opened the door to get in
“Yes Bella(Her nickname)”
“Okay good!” Isabella had picked up her fathers neuroticism over timeliness so much so that she was prompting you to start getting ready 5 hours before you were to leave the house. You and Marcus being the ones who would often drag or be late.
The car ride is filled with Marcus and Isabella telling Rio about their week, when that died down and the kids retreated back to their phones/tablets Rio turned to look at you. No matter how angry he was at you, he still never ceased to be amazed at your beauty.
“Hanging up on me now?” He asked
You look up from your phone and at him you shrug and continue with your Sudoku game. Maybe if you remain silent it won’t fuel this battle you two had going on.
You two had gotten into it 2 weeks prior over the fact that you accused him of prioritzing his business more than his family. The only reason you said that was because he had been gone for a little over 3 weeks, and no matter how much you urged him to come home even for a day he would always say he couldn’t and he would be home soon. So as soon as he walked in your home the tension was so thick, it didn’t take 10 minutes before you two were going at each other. You accused him of putting his business first over you and the kids, he accused you of having such an expensive taste for clothes and shoes that if he didn’t ‘prioritize the business’ you guys would have been out of home and food in a month. And from there you two have been at odds. Him withdrawing from you and you doing the same. The tell tale signs when Rio is mad at you, is when he withdrew his words of love and affirmation, he treated you like a business partner straight to the point. ‘No hey mama, baby, reina, nena, straight Y/N.’ The tell tale signs when you are mad at him is when you withdraw your kisses, hugs, back scratches, cuddles, etc but you were still willing to talk to him and say I love you even if he didn’t want to at the time.
Dinner goes well, the kids didn’t realize that you two hadn’t said more than 10 words to each from time you all left the house to your return back to the house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Mommy can I watch minions?” Bella asked
“Yes babygirl, but after you gotta go to sleep”
“Awww” she pouts
“It’s late Bella it’s 8, it’s technically your bedtime now”
“Thanks” she smiles showing her toothless grin you kiss her on the forehead before you leave her room.
“But mommy”
You put your hand up and she stops “You can watch minions but to sleep right after”
Rio and Marcus had retreated to the backyard where they were playing soccer. You look at them through the kitchen window and smile while you put the food away. Marcus had become so skilled he was now beating his dad at 1:1 games.
By the time their game was over you had gone to the basement to your entertainment room and put on a movie to watch. When you hear Rio walk down the basement steps your stomach knots up. You were hoping he had found something to entertain himself with, far away from you.
“I don’t even know, weird hard to follow” you comment refusing to look at him.
“What you watching?”
“Dune”
“Is it good?”
“Feet hurt?” He comments noticing you wiggle your feet back and forth under the blanket
He takes a seat on the other side of the sectional, “Mind if I rewind it?”
“No might help me understand what the fuck is going on”
He chuckles and picks up the remote. You offer some fruit off your fruit bowl before you get comfortable on your side of the sectional.
“A little” Louboutin's are definitely not made for walking
“Want me to rub them” he offers
“No I’m good” you shut him down immediately
“Y/N” You hear your name
He sucks his teeth. This is his way of extending the olive branch, plus he is reaching his limit of touch deprivation. You don’t even think to react to that as far as you were concerned, he hit below the belt. You would never shop till he ran out of money, you would never put your kids lively hood at risk over a fucking shoe or bag. In fact most of the time when you did go ‘shopping’ you left without anything, but since he was gone so much he wouldn’t know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hmm” You hum realizing you were asleep and had no interests in waking up
“Lets go to bed”
You clear your throat “I’m good here” you adjust slightly pulling the blanket higher to cover your arms
“Why’d I buy that big ass bed and expensive ass mattress if all you wanna do is sleep on the couch?” he complained because the past few days you were sleeping in the basement.
You hear him suck his teeth again, “you want me to carry you?” he asks getting ready to scoop you up
You open your eyes “NO!” you turn to look at him, he now had a brow raised with a confused look “I mean, no” You pause “I’m good here thanks” it’s not that you didn’t want to but if he did carry you, you would have given in and you simply were willing to die on this hill that was fortified with evidence and facts. Rio had been prioritizing the business too much lately and it was affecting you and the kids.
You glare at him before speaking “I’ll pay you back then, first thing Monday morning your money will be in your account” you turn over “bout to nickel and dime me over every little thing” you mumble, not low enough though because he hears it
Rio scoffs in disbelief and looks away from you, turning his body away as you wiggle your way deeper into the cushions. When he turns back around without a second thought he lifts you from the couch.
“Christopher, I said I don’t want you to carry me! Put me down!” you complain as he starts walking “CHRISTOPHER PUT ME DOWN!” you demand this time hitting his back. A sharp gasp exits your lips from the stinging sensation you felt on your ass cheeks
“OW CHRISTOPHER!” Another slap this time you move your hands to cover them, thinking more slaps were coming your way
“Shut.the.fuck.up Y/N” he warns with a stern voice
You decide its best to do so until you aren't in a vulnerable position. You look at your house as he carries you to your bedroom, making mental notes to get batteries for the clock on the wall, and have the kids remove their excess shoes from the door.
When you make it to your room Christopher drops you on the king sized bed, hard enough to cause your body to bounce, before you could even react, he had grabbed your ankle roughly tagging you to the edge of the bed hovering over you, his hands holding your wrist against the bed.
You huff and puff as you look up at him “can you let me go?” his nostrils are still flaring, the vein on his forehead still present indicating he was pissed!
“Check your attitude” he speaks slowly
You roll your eyes “I don’t have an attitude, if you had just let me sle..”
He cuts you off “You know we need to talk!”
“Hey Marcus everything okay?” You ask as you straighten up, playing coy, this wasn’t the first or the last time Marcus and/or Isabella would interrupt something intimate so you both had enough practice to fool the kids that nothing of the sorts was happening.
“Okay say what you gotta say?” you ask curtly
“Y/N, I’m not doing this shi..” before he could finish there was a knock on the door, both of you turned to look at it “Come in!” you yell causing Rio to shoot you a look, before getting away from you. The door opened and Marcus stood by it.
“Yes, I was wondering if it would be okay for me to get on the game dad”
Christopher looked at the clock “Yea its cool buddy, only an hour though its 11, if you’re not off by 12am I’m taking it from you for a week”
You had used Marcus’s interruption to your advantage and moved from the bed to the closet where you were beginning to undress and change into your night clothes.
“Yesss! Thanks dad good night love you both”
“Love you too!”
“Can I help you?” You ask as you glare at Christopher through the mirror
You huff and roll your eyes “Fine”
“We weren't done talking”
You remove your earrings “I have nothing to say to you”
He sucks his teeth again “So what? You want us to stay together and not talk to each other or touch each other”
You turn to face him “I’m not the one that was away for almost a month, you asking the wrong mother fucker” the next second your back hit the wall with a small thud, Rio had grabbed you by the arm when you were walking away from him. “OW WHAT THE FUCK CHRISTOPHER!” you were exaggerating he didn’t hurt you but he did startle you.
He pulls you close to him, so close you can smell the pineapple in his breath. Through a clenched jaw he reminds you “What your fucking mouth Y/N”
“No” he cuts you off again
“We gotta talk about this shit Y/N” he stresses
“I know that!”
“So why you avoiding it?”
“I’m not! You said what you had to say, I made the decision it’s best for me to look for a job, part time and th..”
You sigh “Christopher,”
You take a step back “No? What do you mean no?”
He releases your arm and steps back as well “You ain’t gotta do all-a-that”
“Y/N”
You throw up your arms “Well what do you want me to do? I’m funding my luxury habits, so I don’t get what the big deal is?”
“Okay” you respond dryly no need to go back and forth, the decision was already made, you sit down on the small bench in your shared closet
He rolls his shoulders back “I said no Y/N”
“Why?”
“You don’t need to that’s why”
You hated how everything just had to be his way. He had to be in control of everything. Even the kids picked up on it and sometimes would ask him permission to do things before even informing you, only telling you after the fact that ‘dad said no or yes’.
He looks at you for a bit before sitting down next to you glad that you went ahead and bought the bench even though he had protested against it “We need to collaborate here, lets both compromise mama” he speaks in a much more loving tone
You turn to look at him “What’s your compromise going to be? You won’t prioritze business? For how long? Like maybe 3-4 months then it’s back to business as usual? I don’t care if you ignore me, I don’t matter, I’m an adult. I am fine, but when you don’t come back for almost a month. The kids start asking questions about our relationship status and how they know kids whose parents aren’t together and..” you look up at the ceiling to stop the tears from slipping, you turn to look at him “Just think about the kids okay?” It wasn’t only the kids that were concerned about his whereabouts, you were too. You know this business, you know it comes with long days, nights, hours, you know that eventually it will be hard for him to resist temptation because a man is a man, is a man, no matter who the man is. So for him to be gone for so long with barely any communication from him had your mind racing through all types of scenarios. Maybe he’s dead and someone took his phone, maybe he was injured, maybe he was with another woman.
He dropped his head and looks back up at you reaching to wipe the single tear rolling down your face “I’ll do better mama,” he promises
You offer a smile “Thanks that’s all I ask, and I won’t shop so much" you offer hoping this was the end of it and you two could move on
That caused Rio’s chest to tighten. He didn't want you to compromise that much, and you were right it had bothered him that there was a new box of Louboutin's, Gucci, Yves Saint Laurent, Jimmy Choos, or whatever luxury bag/shoe/jewelry was in the closet, every time he came back. He didn’t mind you having expensive taste but he wouldn’t lie at some point he was convinced you were gonna shop him into the ground. But to sell the things that you liked, he wasn’t about to go for it.
He looks “Nah you ain’t gotta do that”
“You said it cause it bothered you or you wouldn’t have said it at all, really it’s okay Christopher, I’m running out of space anyway” you look around your closet “Might sell a few things also”
He nods as he looks around a slight chuckle leaving his lips as he notices you were starting to encroach on his side of the closet. He turns to look at you and you smile at him.
“Nah don’t do that either”
You sigh, he was now making things complicated “I honestly don’t mind there are shoes in here that I haven’t worn or hate now so I can just sell them, no big deal” you shrug
“Okay I’m gonna remove my makeup” You announce before getting up and walking to the bathroom.
“Are we okay now?”
He nods a smile spreading across his lips “yea we good”
Rio had followed behind and undressed, heading straight to the shower since he had no time to freshen up.
You absentmindedly complete your skin care routine humming a song you heard on the radio. By the time you were finishing up, so was Rio that man never took long showers.
“Mmm look at you” he comments as he comes up behind you with a towel around his waist pulling you closer so you were flush against his already semi hard dick.
“Look at me, look at you!” You flirt as you look at him from the mirror. Water dripping down his chest, down to his abs, then to his v-line, his dick causing the towel to stretch.
“I missed you reina”
“Missed you too” you say softly as you watch his hands meticulously glide down your thighs, a grab here a grab there, Rio pulled you even more flush against him releasing a deep moan from the sensation. His hands start to inch their way up grabbing at your breasts, Rio rocking his hips into you before he slipped his hands under your tank top. You watch as he dips his head by your collar bone, heavy breathes in your ear, inhaling taking in your scent before he starts to give you wet kisses on the neck traveling from side to side, sometimes pausing to lick and bite down before moving to the next spot. You watch as he pushes your underwear down your thighs, you complete the rest of the task and shimmy off of them, you watch as he pushes the tank top up pulling it off of your body, leaving you naked. He takes a step back and hits your ass one time before resuming position, this time minus the towel. You watch as he caresses your body he’s so caught up in what he’s doing he doesn’t know he has an audience. Hell you didn’t even notice how turned on you were getting until his hand dipped between your thighs and grazed over your sensitive clit almost making you collapse. You whimper as he proceeds and a grunt comes from him as he feels just how slick you are.
“Gotta lot of making up to do mi reina”
You whine as he applies more pressure that was enough for him to look up and see you biting your lip scratching at his arms. You nod in agreement. That’s all he needed and with that he kept his word, the next day all those mental to-do lists that you had told yourself were simply not getting done. You spent the majority of the day on the couch or on the bed.
#rio x reader#rio x you#Brio#rio good girls fan fic#rio good girls imagine#nbc good girls fic#nbc rio good girls#nbc good girls#rio drabble#good girls drabble#good girls nbc#manny montana fic#Manny Montana#manny imagine#manny montana imagine#manny montana drabble
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MEDIA MANAGEMENT — JACK HUGHES (PART SIX)
one — two — three — four — five — 5.5 — six
notes: first photo was taken and sent to me by @/bellaxward on twitter, so creds to her! also, i’m sorry, i feel like this update isn’t the best but i’m running on like 3 hours of sleep and i was writing this bit by bit while super busy!
y/ndevils00
liked by tmeier96, ehaula, and 37,519 others
y/ndevils00 heyo! welcome back to my postgame boyfriend show! tonight the njdevils played against the spawns of satan (not trevor)! or.. i mean.. the new york rangers.
we start tonight’s recap off with a very cute picture i got of my boyfriend and his best friend (again; not trevor) talking about how much they love me during warmups!
we also have da sun showing me that the tooth fairy came to visit him awhile ago! i bet he got lots of money for his toofer, however i wouldn’t know because he’s stopped letting me steal his wallet.
our first goal of the night was a tip in by mr. haula at ya! followed up in the same period by a goal from timo time! notice how he made the post this time? that’s because unlike most of these idiots (i’m looking at you, marino 👀), timo takes me seriously!
however, immediately after timo’s goal, haulaback girl was placed in the sin bin for tripping. i was very disappointed and he got a very strict talking to during first intermission and assured me he wouldn’t get another penalty. he lied.
he got a penalty in second period for the exact same reason that he did in the first. i cannot promise i was as nice to him in the second intermission.
we got a few scrums in this game, but my personal favorite one was in third period and ended much too quickly for my liking. BOO, REFS!
and finally, we have some pictures of my gorgeous, talented, sometimes annoying babygirl… my boyfriend!
tagged jackhughes, dawson1417, ehaula, tmeier96, ryangraves27 and vitacz15
dawson1417 y/n, i never LET you steal my wallet. you would take it from my pocket and count my money and then give it back, like a thief that’s really bad at their job
y/ndevils00 i’m just a very curious person! i like to know everyone’s business, all the time. and you never told me to stop 🤷♀️
jackhughes if i remember correctly, dawson and i were actually discussing our plans for the off-season
y/ndevils00 you remember incorrectly
jackhughes did you just call me babygirl
y/ndevils00 you’re so babygirl
jackhughes thank you?
john.marino97 why does everyone else get normal penalty reactions but me?
user52 wait, did y/n ACTUALLY just talk to Haula?!
john.marino97 @/user52 yes!
user52 OH MY GOD JOHN ILY
y/ndevils00 because you’re my bff and i only want the best for you
john.marino97 every day i rethink why i decided to become one of your best friends
y/ndevils00 you love me
trevorzegras did you seriously just specify that you weren’t talking about me when you said spawn of satan?
y/ndevils00 i didn’t want anyone to get confused!
trevorzegras i don’t like you
y/ndevils00 wait really???
trevorzegras wait no y/n i’m sorry. i was just joking
y/ndevils00 📸 caught in 4k
trevorzegras i hope both sides of your pillow are hot tonight
tmeier96 i made the post!!
y/ndevils00 you did a good job with my demands 🫡 i love my blankie
ehaula second intermission… you’re scary
y/ndevils00 remember that.
ryangraves27 why did you have to do me like this?
y/ndevils00 idk what you mean 🤭
user6 y/n is a menace and i’m here for it
lhughes_06 do i get to be in these posts when i join?
y/ndevils00 moosey, you’ll replace jack as the star of the show
jackhughes now hold on! let’s not get ahead of ourselves here!
y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes i said what i said.
lhughes_06 @/jackhughes can we keep her?
jackhughes i intend to
nicohischier no feature for me tonight? i feel betrayed
y/ndevils00 i only have 9 picture slots bud, idk what to tell ya 🤷♀️
y/ndevils00 make a goal next time or something
nicohischier i’m gonna steal your cat
y/ndevils00 you wouldn’t!
nicohischier i probably wouldn’t even need to steal her. i bet jack would just give her to me.
y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes TELL HIM HE’S WRONG!
jackhughes …. no comment
y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes you’re sleeping on the couch
jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 that only hurts you babe. every time you say that, you end up dragging me in to the bed at like 2am because you can’t fall asleep without me
y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes you can’t cook broccoli.
jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 yes i can! i can now!
#media management series <3#jack hughes#jack hughes x reader#jack hughes blurb#jack hughes fic#jack hughes imagine#nj devils#new jersey devils#dawson mercer#john marino#trevor zegras#luke hughes#ryan graves#nico hischier#nhl imagine#nhl blurb#nhl fic#faithlynn’s insta edits <3#faithlynn’s writings <3
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all of the bachelors are hot. actually
simmyfrobby
elite sport misused towards idolatrous ends
honoringthor
Honoring Thor
lady-modest
Tanya S.
jiwataiko1
urut badan kuantan