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johannestevans · 4 months

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Where do I find the queer people?

Making friends and finding social & community spaces as an LGBTQ+ adult.

Originally published with Prism & Pen. Also on my Patreon.

Photo by Brett Sayles via Pexels.

A friend and I recently went to a Queer Open Mic night after I saw it advertised on the same afternoon. While we were on the way back, she asked about how I’d found it.

“I just feel like you always know loads of queer events that are on,” she said, “and I don’t know how to begin to find them.”

I sat down with her a few weeks later and showed her some of the ways I find events, regular or otherwise, and where I look for others — especially given that on social media in the past few days I’ve seen a few people talking about the difficulty of finding and meeting with new queer people when not online.

I thought it might be useful to put it together here.

It’s quite hard with the pressure on and elimination of many third spaces to go out and easily meet people, and given that most of us use a lot of online socials and dating apps, it can feel difficult to seek out and engage with in-person spaces without knowing exactly what the protocol or format of the event is going to be.

Especially given that many people are still more isolated than they were before the start of the Covid pandemic, and/or struggle with seeking out events for themselves having finished school or university or other more structured environments, there can be a lot of anxiety about attending events or meeting new people. But it’s worth it to remember that pretty much everyone else is in a similar spot, and there’s nothing weird or unusual about wanting to make friends or have social time with others.

I am based in the North of England and generally go between the UK and Ireland. So this guide might be less useful depending on where you are. Obviously, in countries with more repressive legislation on queer identity, community groups will by definition be far more underground. Even in areas where this isn’t the case, some of these suggestions might be more viable than others depending on how densely populated your area is, how accessible different venues and events are, and how active your local queer communities are. So, just take what’s good for you and leave the rest.

Finding Local Queer Community Groups

In your search engine, put in simple search terms — [queer] [group] in [my area].

If you can, narrow your search to websites updated in the last 6 months to 2 or 3 years — you’ll sometimes find a website from six or seven years ago where the events haven’t been running for half that when you were already excited about it.

Search your town, city, or county first, and then widen your search — I normally initially look for Bradford and Leeds respectively, but then might broaden my search to West Yorkshire or even North England depending on the time of year and if I’m more willing to travel for certain events, e.g. looking up summer events around Pride, or specific holiday events if you’re looking at Halloween, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.

Combine:

“Queer”, “LGBT” or “LGBTQ”, “Trans”, “Gay Men’s”, “Lesbian”, “Transgender”, “Transsexual”, “Gay Rights” or similar terms

With:

“Charity”, “Support Group”, “Social Space”, “Community Space”, “Meetup”, “Society”, and similar terms

Swap around the terms and find what language seems to be used in your area — remember that depending on the age group and demographic you’re looking at or for, there might be terms you prefer.

I personally search for a lot of gay men’s groups because the average age tends to be a lot older and focused more on the experiences and social spaces of men who love men rather than general queer spaces, which I find can be a bit too young and fast-paced for my speed.

In general, I find that there’s a loose separation between younger trans and queer social groups, which tend to be a mix of differing identities and ages but with a big emphasis on young adults in the 18–25 area, and then specific gay men’s or lesbians’ groups, which will have a wider swathe of ages and might be a little bit less online.

I understand the fear some people have of these spaces being more transphobic than younger spaces — that’s not personally been my experience, as transphobia and lateral bigotry might happen in any social space, but unfortunately, you just don’t know the specifics of an event or a group until you get there and actually meet and talk to the people.

Some charities or community groups that run a variety of spaces might have specific age or identity guidance on group titles — some might be particularly for younger or older people, be for trans people more than cis people, and some might focus on particular sub-communities, such as BIPOC queer groups or specific religious or ethnic meetups, disabled queer groups, etc.

You also might find meetups that are centred around certain hobbies, professions, or interests — boardgames or Magic the Gathering, Doctor Who or fantasy novels, medical professionals or blacksmiths, etc, depending on how big the area you’re in is and how populous it is.

If you are already a member of an institution or society, whether that’s your school or university, your union, some workplaces, your temple or other religious institution, etc, you might find that there are already events running for you!

Finding Queer Events Online

There are almost certainly queer events on, and they’re probably advertised, but where do you find them?

What’s annoying about the Internet as it exists, corporate online spaces and otherwise, is that most events will be posted in one or two spaces out of hundreds. The good ones will sometimes be hard to find because there’s a bunch of shitty advertising in the way, and because individuals and small charity or community advertisers don’t necessarily know about things like search engine optimisation or how to make a good, searchable post. There will be really cool events that are advertised online, but just aren’t tagged or easy to find.

This means that it’s worth looking often but keeping it casual — glancing through the top page for events that might be coming up or meet some keywords, but if most of what you see is ads, just leave it and move on. Digging through for the good events in busy areas that are also ad-heavy can take ages and might not even turn up much.

If you find socials for local community groups or charities, even if they don’t run events themselves, they might regularly share other local events or cool ones, so it can be worth following them!

Ditto for other queer people in your community — follow local artists, performers, academics, creators, public speakers, craftspeople, or any local community leaders or public figures, and see if they share and boost local events.

They might boost special interest events that are of interest to you if you follow people who share certain communities or interests. If, for example, you have an interest in lolita fashion and follow queer lolita dressers in your area or in areas you can travel to, they might post events that are of interest to them and maybe to you — whether that means specific lolita events, other clothing and fashion events like gothic or steampunk markets and shows, or even anime cons or renaissance faires or whatever.

Obviously searching on social media can help — looking for keywords like “queer event” or “LGBT social” on one site or other can be especially good if it’s a site where you can localise your search results, such as Facebook or Instagram.

With that said, Facebook and Instagram are increasingly difficult sites to use given how much they’re overwhelmed by sponsored and corporate posts as well as spam and bot posts. So, it’s generally worth it more when you focus on either events in smaller and limited areas, such as small towns, or when you’re looking for crossing over of different areas of interest, such as particular queer hobbyist or interest groups. When you start looking for broader spectrum events in a busier or more populous area, you can get inundated by spam and copy-and-paste duplicate ads that have all been promoted. But it’s still worth it to have a glance and see if anything is up at the top!

Sites and apps like Eventbrite or TicketSource, or equivalents in your area, will often let you search for specific events . As with social media, these sites can have the same problem of sponsored events coming up first, and annoyingly you can’t block particular event providers or organisers to make sure they don’t show in your search results if they’re not your thing.

Use every option that comes up and see if you can cross search where you can — pick a particular location or area, click on free or paid events, pick events at certain times, pick a certain kind of event, add in tags like LGBTQ or similar if it’s a site that allows it, etc.

If an event comes up that you like the idea of, note it down, then look the organizer up on social media and see if they run or share other events.

Looking for local tourism sites will let you search for other local events as well — especially if you live in a city or regularly visit one, they’ll often have a What’s On page or a Visit [Blank] website or equivalent, and you can search through that — most of them will have cultural events or a specific LGBTQ section you can glance through.

Here’s the Visit Bristol site, for example:

What’s On in Bristol — VisitBristol.co.uk Click here to find out What’s On in Bristol!…Get the latest information on the latest Events, Festivals, Carnivals…visitbristol.co.uk

For obvious reasons, sites like most of the above will focus on paid events, especially evening and party events. Pub quizzes, drag events, bingo nights, balls, drinks offers, parties, etc.

These events aren’t for everybody — and if they’re not for you, focus on events that take place, if not in cafés and restaurants, then in libraries, universities, museums, and other public buildings.

Queer Events Locally Advertised In-Person

Wait, do people still do that?

Look for poster and notice boards in:

Libraries, museums, community centres, university lobbies

Vintage and alternative clothes stores, music venues, etc

Your temple, church, or other religious institutions

Gay bars, queer cafés, LGBTQ centres, queer bookshops

Doctor’s offices, GUM clinics, and sexual health clinics

Anywhere else you see a noticeboard with events showing!

Also look on flag poles or in windows around your local gay bars or businesses if you have any, generally around the gay village if there’s one to go through.

How do you know the events are good? How do you know they’re legit?

How old does the poster look? Do you see many copies of it around?

Look for dates for the event(s) they’re advertising on the poster, and then look up the venue the events are meant to happen at. Do the dates match? Is it a regular event? Is the event showing on the venue’s website or social media?

Is the event run by a local group, collective, or charity? When you search them, do they have socials or a site of their own? Do they seem active?

If a local queer poster gives you socials, check those socials out — do they have any followers you’re familiar with? Do they post their venues publicly and have defined and public meeting times? Do they seem to have active and engaged commenters? Is there a face or faces behind the social media, or are they anonymous?

If an event is run by anonymous people, or if it seems like they don’t have many followers on social media or very active ones, that might be a bit more suspicious — ditto if an event just gives you a phone number but not any further identifying info.

It’s not inherently suspicious for a queer event to be at an undisclosed location, because of course people do want to ensure some safeguarding and vet people before they come, but if it’s an undisclosed location in combination with anonymous organising, that might be a bit suspicious, and should probably be avoided.

Finding Queer People in Specific Hobby or Other Community Spaces

You don’t have to go to queer-specific events to meet other queer people — any hobby or community you can think of, there’s probably queer people in attendance.

If you’re in a busier or more populous area, say there are 5 events that centre around the same hobby — of those 5, some of them will have more queer people than others, and it might be worth checking them out just to see if you click with anyone there.

My partner and I attend queer-specific board-game evenings that are run out of gay bars or by queer clubs, but pretty much any board-game night is likely to have one or two queer people knocking about, whether they know or would identify themselves as LGBTQ+ off the bat or not.

While there are obviously more open queer people at the queer events, I would say that when we went to a local board-game night run by older straight guys, about a quarter of the attendees were older queer people.

Of my queer friends, pretty much all of them have varied interests and attend different groups or clubs with a lot of other queers knocking about without them being labelled or explicitly queer events — knitting and crocheting, computer coding, electronic music and DJing, fandom, blacksmithing, glassblowing, stand-up comedy, improv, cooking, gardening, board games, cosplay and historical costuming, LEGO, live-action roleplay, tabletop roleplaying games, Magic the Gathering, Yu-Gi-Oh, and other trading card games, poker, burlesque, sports games and clubs, swimming, cycling, fishing, photography, book clubs, bug collecting, birdwatching, weaving, painting, sculpture, pottery, video games, singing, songwriting, poetry…

The list goes on.

Hell, half the people I know seem to go and meet new dates at the local climbing wall, where it seems like all the lesbians and gay guys are crawling all over one another. Another friend of mine attends their local WI, and have met other queer people there.

Other Tips

Remember you can meet people on dating and hook-up apps and that doesn’t necessarily have to be for sex and relationships, whether that’s Grindr, Her, Lex, etc — or you can ask hook-ups and casual dates where they go or if there are local events they think are good or fun. Poly people are particularly useful for this, because they’ll often have a whole network of regular events crossing over and diverging.

If you’re nervous about going to an event alone and you don’t have anybody to go with you, it can be worth checking it out on socials first and see if you have any mutual friends with people that are going — if not, it’s worth heading along anyway, because people might well speak to you before you have to open the conversation with them.

Community groups will often have icebreakers or sessions where people swap names, pronouns, and basic introductions, and that can ease the way into getting used to the space.

If you see somebody else on their own who seems nervous to talk to people, they can be good to approach and say, hey, I also don’t know anyone here, what brings you here? And so on. Remember, other people are pretty much always in the same boat as you.

For me, one of the biggest anxieties about going to new events alone is the fact that I’m disabled and dependent on public transport, and that combo can make it tough on me if I get to a place and it’s inaccessible or just not my speed, and then I have to sort of immediately turn heel and leave, but wait ages for a bus in the meantime. I’ve missed more than one event I was really excited about just because transport didn’t line up for me.

Some considerations to keep in mind when you look for events:

Is the event free or paid? Is this clearly marked? Do you need to buy tickets in advance?

How recent is the posting about the event? Is it posted on a web page or a social media page? Are there recent comments or engagement on the entry? If there is a contact for the event, is it active and responsive?

Is this event regular or recurrent? Is it for a special occasion, and does it have sister events or concurrent events?

Is the event exclusively online, exclusively in-person, or do they change between the two formats? Would you prefer to attend online before you attend in-person?

Do you want to go to a closed and more private group — for example, one that has you message them for the time and location, seems to have capped attendee limits, seems to have a regular community. Or do you want to attend a more casual event in a larger, open space where people might not notice as much as you come and go? Is it going to be very crowded or more spaced out?

Where is the event located, and will you be comfortable in that venue? Is it in a community building such as a charity space, community group, religious institute, school, or university? Is it in a café, restaurant, pub, bar, club, or late-night venue? Is it an explicitly or dedicated queer space? If you are not out to other members of your community, will going into this space reveal that you might be a member of a queer group?

Is the venue age-restricted, and will it require ID? If you must provide ID, will providing your ID in a dead name or in a different gender presentation to your current one be anxiety-inducing or a potential problem for you?

How accessible is the venue to you? Is it walkable, on a regular bus route, or does it have appropriate parking for you? Does it have ramps or elevators? Is it well-ventilated, and does it have a HVAC or other air filtration and purification protocol? Is masking enforced, and/or are masks provided? If you might be watching something together, is there a hearing loop, will there be subtitles on a screening? Is there a first aider at the event? Does the venue serve food or drink, or provide refreshments?

If you are attending alone and have specific needs or requirements, or might need to leave abruptly, is there someone you can let know at the event, such as a first aider or community leader? Are there regular buses, a taxi rank, or online taxi access if you need to quickly head home? Have you let someone else know where you are going, just as a safety concern?

Is the event activity-based, or is it a space where people just sit and talk? Would one or the other of these feel more natural or comfortable to you? Do you have to bring your own activity, such as with a craft or knitting circle, or are supplies provided, such as boardgames or a screening?

Does the group or host for the event(s) have social media? Do they advertise the regular events on socials, or have a newsletter, or some other helpful reminder system?

Most community events will be free, but if it’s an activity group or society, or if it’s a private event, especially one where they buy equipment or supplies, there might be an up-front ticket or access fee, a membership fee or a collection jar or similar — most events will tell you in advance if there is a fee or if they might request a donation.

Most importantly, like… Have fun.

If it sucks, hit the bricks — there’s no obligation to stay anywhere if it’s not fun or doesn’t satisfy you in the way you were hoping.

There’s always other events out there, and you’re very unlikely to truly be the only gay in the village, even if it sometimes feels that way. Good luck!

#musings #queer pride #lgbt #gay community

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genericpuff · 8 days

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I've been seeing you say/speculate Rachel Smythe has been cut loose from webtoon, could you elaborate what you mean by that?

It's only a tinfoil hat theory that people should take with MOUNTAINS of salt (seriously, I'm more likely to believe that Rachel really is just done with LO), but there's a general suspicion that LO wasn't meant to end here and that Webtoons decided to cut the cord. I've made a post about it before but some new stuff has surfaced since then.

1.) The announcement the series was ending was made quietly at NYCC and not shared to either Webtoons' socials or Rachel's socials.

The only way fans initially knew about the series ending was through a screencap from the Discord where someone else who had been attending NYCC passed on the info from a Q&A that LO would be entering its final arc.

For a good while the only other way to know the series was ending was through the Discord, a Cosmopolitan article, and my own post.

Though it sounds odd for a series to get cancelled halfway through its third season, it's not uncommon for Webtoons to suddenly axe series while they're on their midseason hiatuses, it's happened before. So there's a general suspicion that Rachel may have found out during NYCC that LO would only be given one more arc.

2.) The actual finale announcement was made in a text post on Instagram that suddenly announced it would be ending on May 11th, despite the fact that there was still lots to wrap up in the story.

What this implies is that Rachel was given one more arc, with no concrete end date... until Webtoons told her to wrap it up in a limited number of episodes, hence why despite us knowing it was in its final arc, the end date still felt too soon. This is also supported by the fact that her initial announcement was vaguely "early/mid 2024" - she couldn't give a more accurate end date because she didn't plan for the actual ending.

3.) Things that Rachel has said implies that she was either hoping for the final arc to go on longer, or that she didn't think LO was going to be ending now.

(that "nothing is set in stone" quote further supports the theory that she may have been hoping to get renewed in spite of the lukewarm ending announcement - that the only reason the announcement was so quiet was because WT hadn't fully committed to it yet and wanted to see how the series would do upon its return; now that they see it falling behind to other series, it might mean WT became more sure in their decision to cut it and gave her an actual deadline to wrap it up by.)

4.) Webtoons has stopped promoting Lore Olympus despite it ending.

Any promotional spots that it has gotten have been stuffed into the dead zone of the banner reels (seriously, anything past the 3rd spot is practically useless because it takes actual committed scrolling to get there vs. the first 1-3 banner spots which can be seen as soon as you open the app/site) and the banner art itself does not in any way advertise the series being in its final arc. These banners also only seem to be appearing for a day at most, compared to the days upwards of weeks they used to get.

Webtoons also hasn't been doing any sort of promoting on their socials for it. Considering The Mafia Nanny has been consistently beating out LO in the top rankings for weeks now, and that LO's rating and view count is still dropping, it appears that Webtoons has finally given up on shoving it down people's throats and put their focus elsewhere.

Again, this is all tinfoil hat speculation, so take it with massive doses of salt. Considering this is Webtoons, I wouldn't be surprised if they finally decided to put LO out of its misery, but this is also Rachel and I wouldn't blame her in the slightest if she finally wanted to be done with it after the past two years of people clowning on it. And I say that knowing I, myself, am a clown LOL

Either way, I feel like either outcome is plausible in its own ways, but whatever is the true reason, it doesn't change the fact that LO is ending and has 3 episodes left to wrap itself up. And whatever comes after will likely involve the launch of Inklore which was estimated for the spring.

#lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus #lo critical #anon ask me anything #anon ama #ama #ask me anything

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tokidokitokyo · 24 days

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My Favourite Japanese Children's Shows

My son is 3 and I have watched a lot of Japanese children's shows with him (screen time is family time!). Here are some of my faves and why. These shows are all from NHK E-TV. Would I recommend to use these for personal study? I am using them to help teach my son Japanese, and for this it works doubly well as I learn how children's society operates in Japan and how Japanese people learn Japanese as well as social etiquette. If you don't have a child, you might get bored easily from these as they are not designed with an adult audience in mind, and you can find much better resources online. You also need a subscription to NHK somehow to watch them, which could be difficult or costly to obtain overseas. However, I like the stories and the characters, as well as the little things I learn from watching them. If you are thinking of teaching your child Japanese this might be a useful resource.

いないいないばあっ！ Inai inai baa! (Peek-a-boo!) This show is designed for very young children and features the beloved dog Wan Wan, played by the same actor since it first started airing in 1996. Wan Wan is accompanied by a young girl, played by various actresses in a succession over the year, and other fun characters. There is singing and make-believe and crafts, as well as short segments featuring nature (animals, plants) or short animations. It's very slow as it is made for infants and toddlers, but that makes it very cute. A group of specially selected young toddlers appears for the dances and songs. Why I Like It: The animation is fun and visually appealing, the activities are play based and you can do them at home, and you learn some new vocabulary. Age: Infants to young Toddlers Clip: DVD Advertisement

おかあさんといっしょ Okaasan to issho (With Mother) This show is designed to be watched with mom (it comes on in the mornings and evenings on NHK E-TV). There are a male and female singing talent, and a male and female athletic talent, who participate in singing and acting clips. There are also a group of costumed characters that have a short story that is continued each week. It has a variety of songs, short skits, a collection of human and costumed actors, and a predictable flow that changes slightly based on the day of the week (e.g. teeth brushing days, story days, etc.). It also shows real kids doing real activities, which kids like to watch. Why I Like It: The songs are easy and catchy, the stories are easy to follow and the words are spoken clearly and precisely. Age: Infants to Toddlers/Preschoolers Clip: DVD Advertisement

アンパンマン Anpanman (Anpanman) This cartoon is a long running cartoon for children (since 1988!) with an incredible line of every toy imaginable to supplement your love for the red-bean bun man (anpan = red bean bun pastry). The story lines are simple and predictable, there are a variety of "fairy" characters that are composed of different Japanese food items, plants, utensils, and animals; and in the end the villains are just really hungry. Anpanman works to help people who are in trouble or hungry (sometimes even the villains), or being bullied by the hungry villains and the story always ends well. Why I Like It: The plot is easy to follow and you can learn about Japanese food and drink specialties via the endless supply of characters, and the songs are catchy. Age: Infants to Toddlers/Preschoolers Clip: Ending TV Theme Song

ピタゴラスイッチ Pitagora Suicchi (Pythagora Switch) Pythagora Switch is a 15-minute long show involving devices (Pythagora Switch) that are equivalent to the American Rube Goldberg machine and the British Heath Robinson contraption - basically, a sequence of events made from household objects that end with (usually) the words ピタゴラスイッチ being revealed. The idea is to encourage children to augment their way of thinking and to solve or understand what the machine will do before they see the movements happen. There are also other segments in which mechanisms are explained and shown visually. And usually there is rock-paper-scissors via a Pythagora Switch where you work out what the device will throw and try to beat it! The language in this show is more complicated because it is geared to a wider, older audience. Why I Like It: It helps me to think and enthralls my son with the moving parts. It's puzzle solving and sparks interest in the way the world works. Age: Toddlers to Elementary School Students Clip: 4 3 2 1 2 1 そうち

#japanese children's shows #いないいないばあっ！#おかあさんといっしょ #アンパンマン #tokidokitokyo

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sgiandubh · 8 months

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It's all fake, anyway

Oh, my. The last two or three video snippets in Marina del Rey. The revolt. The pearl-clutching. The hate.

Again, you know nothing, Jon Snow. It's all about the medium being the message, again: carefully calibrated snippets of information, destined to a captive, deeply divided and (how can I put that without sounding offending, I wonder) unexperimented (yes, that's decent enough) audience.

During the last 24 hours, we've got the Marina del Rey gin promo & MPC teambuilding (hardly an orgy, btw) and C's MUA (or is it hairdresser? irrelevant) hinting on Instagram about a photoshoot at a gin distillery in a #beautifullocation, somewhere on Earth, presumably in Scotland - given her last IG follow. No further details, of course. Very probably a (late-) latergram, too, when she finally got the green light to publish it. Implying nothing, but leaving a boulevard bandwidth for people to infer whatever suits their own narrative. Expect FMN news soon? I highly doubt that and stand corrected: the last photoshoot (with McSideburns, in London) was on May 3rd, when she needed to somehow show the world the Two of Them were continents apart. Identical modus operandi. And always, always via tertiary players.

As for the Marina del Rey teambuilding, if you think that is 'S living his life' you are: a) living in a remote mountain/island area or under a rock; b) an impenitent Mordorian with an agenda to boot or c) incredibly incompetent with the way of the world (or at least, that world). Allow me to translate?

It is alcohol promo, duckies, disguised as teambuilding. The intended message is aimed at a younger, non-OL related audience (as I already warned you) and it roughly goes like this:

'we are a fun loving, no nonsense, start-up business in the spirits industry. Because we don't have a huge advertising budget, we're testing the waters with a cheap, reality-TV snippet to better evaluate the number of social media clicks and new followers and help gauge & calibrate the next step'.

Was it poorly executed? Yeah, you could say that, but then what to do, in a very restrictive, highly regulated tobacco & spirits advertising market, hum? Is it my cup of tea? I don't drink, therefore this type of message touches one ball without really moving the other.

Yes. Start-up business: if we take into account the COVID logistic delay, I believe we're still in that three-years frame. And this detail is essential in order to put context around a very forgettable snippet. Selling a brand-new, more democratic product. Selling it clumsily, in an effort to build relevance, because even bad advertising is, ultimately, good advertising. But make no mistake: it's nothing more than that and it is all they can do, in the current context.

This brings to mind another aspect of the charade, namely the fact that after the Remarkable Week-end (and with the exception of some carefully scripted 'slips'), released and available information progressively became (at least) two-tiered.

First tier: information carefully calibrated for immediate release and general consumption, primarily but not exclusively by the fandom. This includes: spirits shilling, innuendos galore, look-here-not-there latergrams. It also entails less direct interaction with the fans on socials and delegating the media management to secondary players (often called to the rescue, too).

Second tier: public information with a limited availability (you have to take the plunge and pay), for sleuths able and willing to go the extra mile. They paint a very different landscape. And draw two copycat timelines of people who are investing, buying and selling property and overall branching out of their primary source of income with a plan.

I am not a photo sleuth. But with a little bit of time on my hands, I am a decent paperwork analyst. Accounting is not my forte, but legal and business is. I saw what I needed to see and it holds.

So before you start screeching (bad idea, right?), remember this (credit given to @dillon7fan, thanks):

Not really: it is doctored make believe. Bless your heart, honest guy.

Next stop, Tehran. Yes, you read that correctly.

This evening or tomorrow, at the latest. Because context is everything and this fandom severely fails at this.

#fandom #BoozeWars

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roo-bastmoon · 1 year

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The Long Game

First, let's acknowledge some major mismanagement by BigHit. Then, let's talk about what I think *might possibly* be their long game.

These are just guesses I have right now--I'm not stating facts and my opinions are subject to change as new info becomes available. But come with me for a few minutes...

In early 2022, Jimin's mail was "omitted" four times by BigHit employees, which lead to late insurance premium payments, which led to an on-paper "seizure" of his apartment. The press sat on that news for three months until the day his With You OST dropped and the scandal overshadowed his release. Jimin went to ground, avoided all social media for months. At this time, Jimin's personal information was leaked on the internet, and that was the last time we saw Jikook hang out alone that we know of.

Now in 2023, since Jimin's album FACE dropped, we already know about the sabotaged sales and streams by Hanteo, Billboard, YouTube, and Spotify. There was the issue with his in-ears not working properly during an encore. On top of all that drama, BigHit didn't get all the physicals shipped in time, they didn't playlist his songs for several days, they never sent his songs to radio (that we can see), they made one tweet to acknowledge Jimin's #1 on Hot100 but nothing else--not even a cake like the other solo albums got, they didn't let him film more than two music videos when they did that for their new groups, the press releases about their stocks going up after Hot100 also credited their new groups, and Jimin only had 9 days of uninterrupted promo between other members' works.

Now I am not a conspiracy theorist. I well understand that the military enlistment compressed schedules, and that each member had say in their creative works and promotions. I'm not a manti. But none of the above is a good look. Add up all those fumbles together, and you could make a solid case for mismanagement.

And now today, we see PD Bang on the cover of Billboard (which, OF COURSE, mentioned Blackpink in the same breath).

JUST LOOK AT THE WAY THE STORY IS BEING SHAPED FOR AMERICAN READERS. You see what's happening here? You think SM is gonna get a cover story for their side of the corporate shakedown?

And then there's this little gem:

"If your question is about the possibility of creating an artist like BTS again, the answer is no. However, if you were to ask whether there would be a K-pop artist from HYBE that tops the Billboard Hot 100 chart, my answer would be yes. [Jimin became the first BTS member to achieve this as a solo act on April 3 when his single “Like Crazy” debuted at No. 1.] The experience of managing BTS and operating different labels gave us access to powerful networks, infrastructures and experiences. With these, HYBE can repeat its remarkable results with the help of talented artists.

Okay so before everyone starts rioting online, take a moment, pause, reflect, think about what all might be going on here, behind the scenes, in this very political world of the music business.

Do I think Bang PD screwed Jimin over to score points with Billboard? No, I do not. But neither do I think Jimin's solo effort is anyone's priority but Jimin's.

"HYBE is primarily focusing on leveraging its accumulated expertise in managing and producing acts that consist of multiple members, rather than solo artists or mixed-gender groups in K-pop."

I think no one ever expected Jimin to make it to #1 on Hot100 and industry insiders felt pretty sure the West wouldn't let him stay in the top 10 the next week. Why? Well, partially racism. But mostly it's bad for their bottom line.

If your entire business model is that people pay for radio play and that gets them on your private chart and the private chart leads to more advertisers and awards... and then someone comes along and DOESN'T pay to play and gets to the top of your chart? Nobody needs you. So you HAVE to sabotage them. You absolutely have to change your rules. (I'm just sitting here waiting for Jimin to release his other songs so that Billboard can change their rules to say you can't be on Hot100 if your name starts with J- and ends with -imin.)

Now, it might have been satisfying for us as fans to see BigHit come out swinging and put Billboard on blast for his sake and ours. But they have ZERO. LEGAL. RECOURSE.

Billboard is privately owned and they can make whatever rules they want. They are part of a larger media company that has connections to every media outlet; no one is gonna publish an exposé any time soon, I promise you. We got exactly ONE English-speaking website to write about it and that was it. Everyone in the industry knows what is going on, and no one has the power to do anything much about it.

So what does that mean for the future?

Well... Bang PD just recently paid a HUGE mark up of $26 million to buy Trevor Noah's home out in LA.

And now he's on the cover of Billboard. WHY? Neither of these things will result in any immediate payout for him.

It's a long game.

And frankly, a very old and honored way of doing business. It's how they went up against the big three and it's how they are gonna go up against the West, I feel it in my gut.

Bang PD is getting a home on US soil. He will be paying US taxes. He's making in-roads by being nice with Billboard folks. He's making contacts; he's already had phone calls with Pharrell and Bieber and Grande and Laroi. Some of those are already shaping into collabs. We already know Hybe has set up shop in the US with Scooter at the helm.

Meanwhile, BigHit is adjusting in real time to the new rules around the charts (culling is happening to Yoongi too, so they changed up the check-out process of the BTS US Store). Suddenly there's plenty of focus on promoting via TikTok and other viral social media. They are dipping their toe into AI. They are discussing their own in-house ticketing option. This company is looking toward the future and hedging its bets.

Do I know with any certainty what's up their sleeve?

Absolutely not.

Do I trust any corporation very much?

Nope.

Do I have faith in BTS?

Probably more than anything else in my life, at this point.

So while I have no insider info, I just feel like the company is making very intentional and methodic footholds into the West. They are not complaining or screaming or suing or threatening anyone. They are not badmouthing competitors or whining about unfair deals. They are laying ground on complicated, political in-roads, one step at a time.

The Expo is in 2030. I'd wager by that time, BTS will have conquered the West and have some radio play.

And I think the company believes that in order to do that, they have to make their new groups profitable while BTS serves. They have to survive for the next two years.

When BTS is back, and their dues have been paid, I think they will be unstoppable. I hope they get to work on solo projects AND group projects. I think they will take over every corner of the world, if managed properly.

They just need to do it in a way that also assuages the Western music industry. The American Powers That Be have a chokehold on music and they will demand their pound of flesh somehow.

I strongly suspect BTS will never pay to play. But they will build relationships and find a way to become so interwoven in the cultural fabric that to deny them a place in Western spaces is to be left behind. And they will do it politely, and gently, and come out smelling like a rose.

So before you go off on social media and scream the walls down about neglect (and there WAS some, in my opinion) and abuse (we don't really know that), just take a moment to consider--if they had no legal recourse against Billboard, how can they beat them at their own game?

The best way to defeat an enemy is to make them a friend.

I'm just guessing here, but I think if fans stay loyal, BTS just might have the last laugh, here. I think they got radio scared as hell.

It sucks that Jimin didn't get fair treatment at this time. He is my bias and I feel it like a knife to my own heart. But he DID make history with his #1 and they can never take it away.

So I say give it time. All the people sniggering at him and BTS right now are going to sing a different tune in the future.

My best guess is that this is a long game, and it will require sacrifices that are totally unfair, but in the end... well, as long as BTS has ARMY, they cannot be denied.

Apobangpo.

#jimin #bts

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pomodoko · 10 months

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Go to Help Center, select Contact Support, and send in your Feedback.

Here’s my own feedback for @support @staff @wip @changes “The latest tumblr dashboard update is wholly unnecessary at the least and extremely confusing, enraging, and difficult to navigate at the most. It is also infuriating to see how Tumblr's trying to push to become the next Twitter, when Tumblr's advertised itself as a unique microblogging/social media platform that none other is like. Why are you trying so hard to please the few new users by violating the experience of the mass? Whatever happened to "when in Rome"? The navigation, notification, messages, etc... bar are extremely distracting. The "Create" button sticks out like a sore thumb and over all I am nauseated by the unfriendly user interface. This also feels like you are pushing for Tumblr desktop to be like Tumblr mobile, which is a terrible decision, because the way users navigate on mobile versus on desktop are completely different and there should be different UIs for the change in environment.

I have said this before, but I will say it again, as a long time user since 2012, I have always tried my best to support and love Tumblr for what it offers in unique experiences compared to other social media. There's nothing quite like it that still exists today, and it is disheartening to see our CEO and staff gut what makes it different to push it into conformity like other websites. From what I've seen, the majority of Reddit and Twitter users who arrived here after they found dissatisfaction with their own sites also enjoy the features Tumblr has to offer, like a clean, uncluttered dashboard, and reblog chains (that Tumblr itself is trying to take away). How well do you think this site is going to function when it's doing its hardest to alienate and drive away their long-term userbase?

I have canceled my on-going subscription for Tumblr ad-free. I will speak to my friends and followers that there's nothing for us to look forward to in this site anymore. As these changes roll in without any thought of the damages they do to the users, I see no reason why we should be supporting your platform monetarily, as it is clear Tumblr holds very little care for its userbase.”

[Screenshot courtesy of @barbex]

#tumblr #tumblr update #tumblr feedback #NO CRAB DAY FOR TUMBLR #NO MONEY FOR TUMBLR #MAKE THEM BLEED #pmdk talks

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thefearandwonder · 5 months

Text

Truth

An old friend of mine has retreated into social isolation, which I could have taken personally. But we've been through a lot together in our lives and I refuse to take anything he does personally. Have to give grace if you want to get it.

He said he wants to get away from the self so influenced by other people and find his center. I think that's a great idea. I'd like to do it myself, but it's a scary thought; even when I'm alone, I'm not truly alone. I reach out to people, I meet new people in virtual spaces, I write stories with others, and always look for social stimulation.

How much of me is 'me'? But, is 'me' something worth defining?

Because for a long time, I've seen myself as a hollow shell battered around by the world, filled up with its energies, emptied, charged up, wrung out, and again and again. I don't like to see myself, because myself is a dragon, a towering egomaniac, a striving and suffering lunatic who hurts herself with the intensity of her ambitions.

The only thing chasing ambition has ever gotten me is pain; I slam into walls and doors, and the faster I'm running, the harder the impact. The smarter I'm being, the further into trouble I get.

My forays into the jungle of American civilization are never productive. They start out hopeful, then end in mutual misery.

You know, I was driving through San Francisco at night last week. I saw billboards advertising not just AI, but digital solutions for AI-generated-image-detection services. Anti-AI. In a sea of lights and concrete, I saw a targeted advertisement as I sat in rush-hour traffic, telling me that I could literally 'find truth' with a product.

And earlier that day, I'd been walking through Yosemite, where the ravens flew by the dozens like bands of kings, with their hooked beaks and proud eyes, their manes of spiky feathers on their chest -- they looked at me and I looked at them. We saw each other, and there was truth there.

And the people who call themselves 'realists' will tell me of the meaninglessness of that experience, that the creature is somehow beneath me, and my deranged mind is deriving meaning from nothing.

Or, if my interpretation of the raven's symbol pleases their vanity, they will feed me scraps and lift me up like a treasured Bug a la some Jack London-esque short story and make me their favorite poet-propagandist. I'll be their truth maker.

And I woke up this morning with the insulin catheter in my abdomen ripped free, something that's never happened before. It was 4 AM. I replaced it without making too much noise and went to write a poem about wanting to sleep that made me cry -- a poem I wish I could share here, but it's going into a collection I intend to publish and therefore in order to sell the rights to print it exclusively it cannot appear in other media.

Well, after writing that poem, and crying, I went back to bed and held my wife. We slept in each other's arms and that's the truth.

Then we were woken up by a call from an unemployment benefits adjudicator who asked very pointed questions about why I left my previous job, opened up old wounds around confusion, anxiety, discrimination, being targeted by malicious parents, and feeling unprotected by admin or HR.

I told my story (again). I told the truth. They, who agreed not to 'contest' unemployment benefits (I suppose that means not filing an appeal for the approval decision) will also tell their truth. But they did not tell me the whole truth when I made the agreement to resign in grace rather than work somewhere I was made to feel so unwelcome. They kept many truths to themselves.

So what is the truth. The truth is that more and more I feel like a gasping animal caught in a net of buzzing light that Just

Won't

Stop

My truth, the thing I know inside me so true and deep, is that when I die, I will hear the sound of wind in trees. It will get louder and louder, until it overtakes me. It will transport me. It is the holiest sound I know. It sounds like the sea. It sounds like the hushings of a loving Universe.

It sounds like the Moon waking me with her light, to kiss me on the brow, and guide me back to sleep, to let me know I am safe and small. Truth.

#truth #religion #reality #forgiveness #nature #hope #kindness #lies #my truth #anthropology

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bzhitstruth · 8 months

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A little about the types of "candy"

I apologize in advance for my English - this is not my native language, I do not speak well (and maybe sometimes I speak like Master Yoda).

Recently, there has been a wave of outrage among the turtles on Tumblr, because from time to time there are malicious anti-accounts that try to devalue our fandom and “wash” candies. This pissed me off and I decided to write a post.

But now this is not about these accounts.

I want to organize (mostly for myself) candies and arguments that we all love so much and look for in every GGDD action.

I am of the opinion that many of the candies are probably really wrong, but this is very individual, and if many people are happy with candies that seem unconvincing to me, they have every right to be. I also have candies that I strongly believe in and, in my opinion, they can not be "washed".

Maybe my "organization" will help someone better understand and also determine for themselves what kind of candy are more reliable, and which ones can be "washed" over time (and are really unintentional).

And one more thing: all these my fabrications are completely fantasy and fake, I just talk about all sorts of nonsense, in reality this nothing doesn't exist! 🤡🤡🤡

There are a lot of materials in Yizhan's world, I will give only a few examples. You don't have to agree with me at all. Everyone has their favorite “candies”, if you are so interested of GG and DD that you want to follow their life and work, then on this way you will find many exciting and intriguing details that you personally will like.

1. "Numeric candy" in social networks — kadian

I like kadian very much. I won’t talk about what it means and how to use it, many already know, and who doesn’t know, there are many materials on this topic, for example, there is good post of @rainbowsky.

Before, when I first became a turtle, I counted everything that was published by GGDD, but over time I realized that this is not worth doing. It is unlikely that DD, GG or their teams bother counting the date and time numbers in each post. It's just absurd and no one busy person would do that. But I think they make sure the numbers look neutral and won't post every day 28 or 23 knowing full well what it mean.

On the other hand, I believe that the direct kadian (for example, the time 18:33 or 23:38) wasn't made by chance.

Sometimes I believe in kadian with counting numbers (for example, 1+8+5+9 = 23), and I have reasons for this - sometimes they both publish such kadian (for example, 28 and 23) on the same day, and that reduces the likelihood of coincidence.

If someone is trying to "wash" kadian, then his argument can be only one thing - "this is an accident." It is impossible to prove intentionality or unintentionality of numbers. In this case, you'd better just decide for yourself whether you believe it's an accidentally or not. Look at the type of post with kadian (it is most less likely in advertising and it absents in posts on social and political topics), what circumstances preceded it and what happened after it. And if you understand for yourself that in this case it is quite appropriate, then no "washing" is valid here - kadian, by definition, cannot be "washed", it's just a matter of probability and faith.

I will give a little example, when the kadian in the ad looked suspicious, and I am inclined to believe in it - this is the time of the publication of GG's advertisement at 10:18 on March 26, 2023. Yes, this is just an advertisement that GG constantly publishes in the morning. But firstly, the timestamp :18 is completely atypical for him, secondly, he knows perfectly well what it means and what kind of reaction may follow, and thirdly, the accompanying circumstances. This post appeared on the morning after the ambiguous Weibo Night, they were in the same city, and in the morning GG was leaving, and bad rumors and gossip spread immediately after the event. I personally believe in this kadian, because for me the circumstances are convincing, but in each specific case, everyone decides for himself.

This category also includes GG's posts of 18 (actually 33) or 12 (actually 28) photos with which he periodically pleases us, 18 photos, including 8 “movie tickets” from GG. It is impossible to prove whether this is a coincidence or not. Look at the likelihood and yourself decide. I believe in this kadian.

2. "Numeric candy" (kadian) that GG and DD demonstrate personally

These are the hands and numbers on watches, the numbers on the sleeves, above the head, spoken verbally personally by GG and DD etc.

I noticed this most often with DD: the numbers 31 and 5 on DD's jacket before GG's birthday, 21:33 on the clock above DD's head in Los Angeles, 32-33 on DD's sleeve on June 21, “2nd row 30th place, 3rd row 20th place” at a fan meeting in Qingdao, and the like.

As for the GG, he has an episode in the vlog on February 7, when someone stops the radio dial at numbers 8 and 3. Although GG himself is not in the frame at that time, this is still his vlog, and it seemed remarkable to me. GG makes it more elegant and not so obvious (the picture can be enlarged).

Can it be "washed"? Some of this, of course, can be controversial and it can be explained as coincidence. For example, a clock display in LA could show a random time. Or DD not chosen the clothes with numbers by himself, but the brand insisted on this (I believe that this is DD's choice).

But how do you "wash" what DD said personally twice at the fan meeting if he and the whole world know perfectly well what those numbers are? If the anti's claim that he "disapproves bjyx" were true, then this just could never happen.

And Y.-Off. posted on Instagram that photo from LA with 21:33, and in fact they could easily not have done this, but they did.

3. Specific things that are pretty obvious

One example of such things is the glowing BJYX sign posted on Weibo by DD's team on October 29, from the final of SDC5. This photo was placed in the very center, and the light sign could be easily cut off or simply erased, and a million photos were taken at the final, but this was chosen. Try to explain why the person who allegedly "disapproves bjyx" did this. This is the very reliable and loud candy.

The same category includes DD's “sneakers and ice cream”, “give the scorpions to WB” (GG's food vlog in Qindao), UGG shoes in GG's vlog June, 7, the text “heart with a mole” in DD's Weibo post on April 26, 2023, and the like.

Something can be "washed", for example famous GG's "rainbow" umbrella, which many considered as such for a couple of years, turned out to be black, we had seen this in his recent July vlog.

You can try to “wash” UGG, refer to the fact that DD was not yet a brand spokesperson when the vlog was filmed. But going back to the previous point - GG KNOWS who the brand ambassador is now, he KNOWS how it will be perceived, other things in the room are blurred and hidden but shoes are on display. It is unlikely that he and his studio did this publication in a state of clouding of mind.

4. Very subjective things that are perceived emotionally and awaken the imagination

These are meaningful words in the songs, the “wedding” outfit on Weibo Night, mention of lychee and camping, a certain arrangement of photos, GG's photo with the dog, DD's T-shirt with the dog. Where DD looked and how smiled, how GG greeted DD's colleague in a special way, images and allegories that GG shows in vlogs and uses in interviews. Jaw and finger DDGG (which pops up again and again and haunts turtles! I'm agnostic about this "candy"). GG's drawings, DD's dances, "I'm out of the habit of spicy food", voices of GG and DD behind the scenes, birthday greetings to DD, sunset, moon and so on.

And our favorite bone necklace also falls into this category, because no one knows exactly where it comes from and what it really means for DD. We can only believe or not believe.

This is the most vulnerable category due to its extreme subjectivity. This is purely a matter of faith and individual perception.

Sometimes such candy are "washed" by GG or DD themselves. If you remember, in November 2022 GG posted several photos, and among them one with incomprehensible blurry red-blue stripes. Many have decided that this is blurred photo of Lego "Titanic", which GG bought for DD. But in the December vlog, GG showed that those were streetlights that he filmed from the car. He sometimes advises us to hold our horses.

I really love things of this kind, I like to look for strokes in the drawings and peer into the photos of GG, guess what this or that emotion can mean, and what DD wanted to say with his dance. GG especially likes to make such riddles, his vlogs are special works of art, I always really look forward to them and find a lot of secrets in them.

It is very difficult to confirm these things. It is unlikely that GG will ever come forward and say what he really meant by drawing two boys on the beach … But I hope at least a small part of this will someday be clearer. Let it be so.

5. Timing of actions

After a long silence on social networks, the posts of both appear one after another. Or after a suspicious period of time - for example, after 13 or 85 minutes, or after 3 hours and 28 minutes. Same posts style. Simultaneous arrival in Beijing after the Hong Kong concert, supposedly from different cities. IP addresses from the same location. The gestures that DD made at the "water show" on July 10, GG shows us the next day in his vlog.

The simultaneous disappearance of both from the field of vision (August 4, 2023), GG being late for work during the DD's illness. This can be “washed” if you prove, for example, that there were definitely other reasons for being late or absence.

An example of such "washed candy" - many thought that GGDD were together on DD's birthday in 2022, but later it turned out that this wasn't.

6. Clothes

I put this in the separate category, because this section is quite large. These are fun candies that many turtles love (myself included). We've already lost count of the same brands that GG and DD wear. It is difficult to "wash" such candy, because that they both wore We11done, Alexander McQueen or Maison Kitsune is a fact. This is observed very often, and sometimes things of the same brand appear after a short period of time.

If I'm not mistaken, once was counted about a hundred matches in GGDD clothes (now there are probably more), and it was noticed that DD's employees used things those brands are represented by GG and on the contrary.

7. Acquaintances, colleagues and friends

These are a few people who sometimes hint to us that they know something. This is “Uncle Lan”, other CQL colleagues, DDU brothers, songwriter and her comics, colleagues from the industry, I won’t tell names, they are known among the turtles.

Sometimes their hints are quite transparent, and we are always happy to see that GG and DD are supported by other people in their circle.

To refute it is the same as to assert that all these people have conspired and are fooling us for some reason for years. Agree that this is absurd!

In addition to all this, beyond any categories, we have BTS of CQL, Rumor Houses and BottledJoy. There's been a real circus going on with BottledJoy lately, so it will be very interesting to see where this all leads, and it's a very funny to watch them performances.

Perhaps I forgot something important and didn't mention some categories, because there are too many materials regarding Yizhan. And this is great, because even if a few candies are "washed off", we will not lose anything, we always have many others!

And no antis can cope so much evidence that we believe in and that tells (and sometimes just screams) to us, that BJYXSZD💚❤️.

#bjyxszd #yizhan #cpn #bjyx #just imagination #GGDD my love #yizhan forever

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vanessaroades-author · 10 months

Text

Let’s look at what happened from June 13th to July 13th. (ARCs, Preorders, Sales, Marketing!)

Note: I’m not talking about costs here and likely won’t ever. However, my author buddy JAL Solski has an awesome write-up on the costs, tax considerations, all sorts of numbers, of publishing their sapphic fantasy duology! I’m also very fond of Ros’s write-up on expectations and goals related to post-publication.

Before you start–some disclaimers on my experience

First, expect very little! These numbers will not impress you and honestly there’s a part of me that’s pretty embarrassed, like I'm advertising that I'm a big dummy who can't write. But all in the name of honesty & transparency!

Something I hear a lot from other new authors is, “Am I doing pretty good? Am I doing really badly? I don’t know.” Well, here’s another batch of numbers to consider!

Deep Roots is currently only available as an eBook & through Kindle Unlimited.

I’m not writing anything trendy. By a long shot. I can throw “queer fantasy” on it but that’s kinda the most I got. (When’s the last time you saw a runaway indie hit that didn’t have a ton of romance?)

I’m not popular on social media (260 IG followers with on average <10% engagement and <200 TikTok followers).

I have so many friends in my corner. Someone should stop you at the gate to the Indie Publishing Amusement Park of Hell and tell you, “Listen, if you want any hope of staying sane, make author friends.” Besides helping you navigate tech questions or giving second opinions on your cover, and, you know, understanding and empathizing with you, your friends will be the ones who comment on your posts, repost them, tell their friends, add you in their newsletter, read, and review. That can mean sales…but that also means having people lift you up and celebrate with you.

Advance Reader Copies

I began posting about ARC sign-ups April 4th, sent the first round of eBooks ~May 5th, and closed applications on June 2nd.

I didn’t use a service like Booksprout or Booksirens, just plain old BookFunnel and email (therefore my reach was entirely reliant on my social media efforts). I was most talkative about it on Instagram. I only posted like once or twice on Tumblr and TikTok, but they went really well for my standards.

Sign-Ups: 51

Reviews/Ratings:

By publication day I had 4 ratings/reviews on Goodreads, 1 on Amazon, and 1 on StoryGraph.

After 31 days I had 6 reviews and 10 ratings on Goodreads. 1 extra rating on StoryGraph; Amazon stayed the same.

Note: I was really lax with my ARC team about when reviews should be sent in. I was clear that I didn’t care if they were pre-publication (partly because well…I read ARCs a lot and I know I can’t always get to things on time, and partly because I didn’t decide a publication day until fairly late in the timeline).

However, from what I’ve seen for other authors, a pretty low return on ARC readers isn’t entirely uncommon? Kind of a kick in the confidence regardless.

Preorders

Total of 7. I don’t remember when I opened preorders, but I believe it was around the same time as the ARC application.

Marketing (sort of) from June 13th to July 13th

I ran a small (kinda last-minute) campaign for extra merch & an extra story for anyone who preordered or purchased during release week. I said that I would re-run this campaign for paperbacks.

These are my Tired Girl numbers:

Instagram: 5 posts specifically about DR. 2 non-DR related.

TikTok: 7 videos specifically about DR, most getting ~300 views, though one broke 1k. (Notably, I didn’t post about the release week extras on TikTok at all.). 2 non-DR related.

Tumblr: One post I would send spinning around the block every once in a while. Definitely lowest priority.

Release Week Sales

eBook: 3

KU: 15 pages read

Release Month Sales

eBook: 4

KU: 594 pages read

Future Plans

*Releases one giant sigh* I’M FREEEEEE

Once the book is written and done, cover made and words edited, there’s only one thing left in your control: marketing. Everything else is up to chance (honestly, marketing is up to chance a lot of the time, too).

But I pretty quickly decided to take it easy on social media. A wave of burn-out that had been chasing me since last summer finally caught up, and I don’t think I’m alone in saying that when I saw like no return on investment for my posts or chatter, I was like, “Okay, I’m going to rest, instead of pushing this boulder up this hill, then. I deserve it.”

One plus of having paperbacks come out way after the eBooks? I get release day Part 2! (With fun new props for pics and videos!) I have a good list of video ideas & drafts, but I would always look at them and think, “Wouldn’t this be better to do when the paperbacks are around?” And soon, they will be!

As for blog posts, I want to continue being transparent with things like this. I will (hopefully) catch up on the numbers again near the end of August, as by then I’ll be making the decision to keep Deep Roots in KU for another three months or not.

Until then, lower your expectations! It’ll keep you sane out here. Thanks for reading and hanging out.

#vanessa.txt #writeblr community #writeblr #indie publishing #indie books #self publishing #self publication #book sales #this is allowed to be reblogged

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teaveetamer · 1 month

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I really don't want to be rude and I'm sorry if it appears that way, but why are you still engaging in all FE discourse? It's clearly not making you happy.

There's many cool project to focus on for FE ( there's a Blue Lions fanzine coming up!! ), and even outside of FE, I'm sure there's many games that could be to your taste? Idk if you already played it, but Baldur's Gate 3 has nearly everything cool FE have while being a really good game!

Discourse make us all miserable and we often end up doing things we regret, if not just for the time wasted talking to asshole. I know how it is, I was there before.

Blocking people and tag then moving on sometimes is for the best ( even asshole like Raxis, he might have stalker-ish behavior but the best that can be done is ignoring him ). I was sad to see your profile bc of random discourse, I would love to find you the same way but this time for speaking of something you love.

Anon I’m going to take this in the best possible faith here, and no I’m not assuming you’re being rude

1) I do have a blog which is ENTIRELY dedicated to just talking about things I love. It’s called my main blog, which used to be linked to this one, but I had to remove that link after one of the more deranged members of the fandom chose to follow it and comment pro-genocide stuff on my fun polls about which PNG is the sexiest. I also still write fanfic, livestream, participate in niche-r discord severs, and run several side blogs and accounts for events and tournaments, none of which I advertise heavily here because, again, a subsection of extremely deranged fans of a particular character seem to take it as an invitation to be extremely deranged.

2) I made this side blog explicitly to quarantine fandom negativity from my more positive endeavors, and frankly I have been trying (key word trying) to wind down its usage for years now because, frankly, I have better things to do and I don’t have that much more to say about 3H itself anyway but…

3) I have blocked the losers who are engaging in this kind of behavior. The problem is that they do not respect that block and continue to stalk, harass, and repost the things I say anyway to various social platforms, which has led to death threats made against me (among other things) because they are unwell beyond anything a block button can fix.

And 4) since I am not the only one these people do this kind of thing to, I figure the least I can do is warn people of their deranged behavior by using what little platform I have here.

So anon if you want to see me do something I enjoy, chances are you’ve already seen me doing it even if you didn’t realize it was me. And if you would like to see this blog stop posting, I highly encourage you to call out dangerous fandom behavior such as stalking, death threats, false accusations of pedophilia, harassment, etc. when you see it.

And sorry this took me a few days. I spent most of the week with a nasty sinus infection and I spent all my energy Thursday on going to work and class

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virtueisdead · 11 months

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tumblr is the only corporate social im willing to use at this point, purely because of how vastly different it is from its contemporaries, structurally and culturally, but they're very clearly doing something that is quickly turning me away. for lack of less sensitive term, staff is practically gentrifying the platform. (forcing shit from other socials that tumblrs lack of were the only reason i still used it)

given i use spacehey daily, im sure youre already aware that im not a big fan of the contemporary concept of the "social media". i wont go on my whole pedantic/esoteric rant about distinguishing the definition of a social media and a social network because thats a whole other essay for another time and its not worth the argument given im already trying to discuss something else at the moment. (ive literally written a research paper about this because i seriously am that obnoxious about the subject)

so; one of the most substantial changes that happened to social websites in general over the past 2 decades was the introduction of algorithmic feeds. for those unaware, tumblr is in fact the very last major social platform that still doesnt operate (primarily) off of algorithmic content, and this is direly important to the continued use it receives from older bloggers. the majority of people who regularly use tumblr today and have for years are still here because it is the last bastion of chronological dashboards. this also plays a huge role in why theres such a dramatically different atmosphere on tumblr compared to other platforms.

reblogs are literally the only way that things can "go viral". posts do not ever spread if people dont actively decide "i want to share this with my friends" and hit the reblog button, as well if their friends dont think the same. whats especially important is that this system is entirely end-viewer-oriented; it does not particularly favor reactionary content like an algorithm does. on a platform like twitter, any kind of engagement at all (replies, likes, qrts, etc) will be taken by the algorithm as an indication that the post is likely to resonate with people in some way, regardless of whether the post in question is receiving positive or negative engagement, and regardless of whether or not it is thoughtful or warrants that- not to mention how this problem is even further exacerbated by the character limits on microblogging social media platforms like twitter.

so people love tumblr for the fact that posts that you wouldnt share with your friends simply will not garner any popularity most of the time. this fosters a far more unique and interesting community and types of viral content, but youll notice that a little while ago, tumblr quietly added the "for you" page. realistically, nobody who actually has used tumblr since before that tab was added would ever even touch it because it is a spit in the face of what makes people love the platform. but they they knew most people dont vocally give a shit like i do.

the first problem arises when you consider that new users from places like tiktok and twitter will naturally assume the tab was always there and likely use it as their primary means of discovery. they wont learn or understand the way that the proper system tumblr uses of follows and reblogs actually works, which is steadily creating an enormous and frankly insurmountable divide between new and old users of the platform. its already fostering the kinds of passive interaction from people who dont understand tumblr's mechanics that is honestly genuinely harmful to the community overall. people misusing the tools that the platform has due to not understanding their function or assuming similarity to things they already know from other platforms. honestly, this in itself would not even be that much of an issue because we could simply ignore the new users who refuse to make the effort to understand how to use the app and fall for the advertising trap that is the for you page...

but the problem is getting way bigger as tumblr is slowly but surely pushing the "for you" page onto other dashboards. youll see posts with a little "based on your likes" banner at the top crop up more and more. theyre quite literally trying to subtly force an algorithm into place where there wasnt one before. (ive been made aware you actually can turn this off from within an entirely seperate settings menu from the regular one that you open on the notifications screen for some reason?? the fact that i didnt even know this after using tumblr for this long is wild, but it doesnt invalidate my argument in that they turned it on automatically without asking or telling users) its not egregious enough to make me leave yet but its definitely been happening more and more frequently to the point that i am seriously doubting if i should consider continuing to use the website/app. this is the biggest structural issue, but its not the only example of what im talking about where tumblr is trying to pretend to be like other contemporary social medias in order to lure in new users without teaching them how things work so that they can use them as advertising guinea pigs.

another example would be the abrupt and frankly pointless introduction of tumblr live, which is entirely unnecessary and has received near unanimous criticism from older users. but a bigger one is something that a lot of people, especially newer users, mobile only users, or those straight other platforms have probably not even noticed- the completely silent removal of subdomain urls. (which is why people here call usernames urls in the first place) this one is way more apparent of an issue as far as my questionable use of the term 'gentrification' goes.

if i asked you the question "what is tumblr?" what would you say? more than likely, you would answer that its a social media- and to be clear, you would certainly not be incorrect in that assessment, but thats not the important part. as far as i can see, thats the first thing that comes to mind when they think of what tumblr "is" in its contemporary state. but if i asked somebody that a decade ago, they would likely give a completely different answer; they would say its a "blogging site". that's because fundamentally, that's what tumblr actually is and is supposed to be. a social blogging host platform. the dashboard and tumblr.com screen was always only half of it as far as the functionality went.

everyone used to have a personal website for their blogs, and people would often hook their tumblr blog up with its own custom domain as well. tumblr was first and foremost simply a blogging platform with social elements. while that subdomain (personal website) functionality does still exist, and you can see it on my blog because i customized my blog's css themes, they actually completely silently added a switch that gets rid of it, and they automatically turned it off for anyone that hadnt fully configured that page already which slowly consolidates everybody towards the exact same uniform tumblr-blog style like what you see on the mobile site. it forces a uniform visual aesthetic and functionality, which is one of the things i hate the most. in the first place, the enormous number of people who hadnt set up their page properly is largely because tumblr has for a few years now actively discouraged, hidden, or obfuscated the 'personal website' aspect of the service for whatever reason they may have using a method ill get into in a moment. it may be because they thought it was too convoluted for newer internet users who dont understand, or it may have been a more calculated effort to abandon older infrastructure and replace it with replicas of more contemporary systems like are used in other social medias, but it doesnt make a difference to me.

blogging is all about self-expression, and restricting that defeats the point so fucking hard. on the mobile app, my page will look something like this.

though this screenshot is taken on desktop. the url here is "https://www.tumblr.com/virtueisdead". this is an entirely separate and pretty recently added functionality called the profile view, which is entirely different from how the website used to operate, which is demonstrated for clearly by the fact that this is not what my blog is actually supposed to look like. in fact, you cant even see what blogs are supposed to look like on the mobile app at all. if you open your browser and go to my actual blog url, "https://virtueisdead.tumblr.com/", you can see the intended design, which is very similar to my spacehey profile.

im honestly not unconvinced that they intend to eventually completely distinguish the old blogging system (akin to wordpress and blogger) from the social media aspect of the site entirely, though thats more of a crack theory. the fact remains that they began to silently get rid of people's actual blog pages, slowly forcing uniformity with the mobile app. (this is less important, but another part of that that drives me up the fucking wall is that i cant even use the tumblr website in my main browser anymore. they made it so it only works in certain browsers, and im sure i dont need to explain why that is absolutely insufferable behavior)

tumblr is absolutely trying to mimic other social media platforms like tiktok and twitter in order to attract users from them or give them a more 'familiar experience' and its absolutely a detriment to the experience for people who use tumblr specifically because it isnt like other corporate social platforms. this is a separate gripe, but...

ive said before and will say again, twitter users should not look for an alternative to twitter, they should just stop fucking using it. thats like going from smoking a cigarette brand that uses slave labor to one that doesnt. youre a more ethical person but youre still giving yourself lung cancer.

#kingvirtueisdead #tumblr #tumblr etiquette #how to tumblr #internet #tumblr changes #tumblr live #tumblr blogs #twitter #algorithms #tumblr algorithm #algorithmic content #web 2.0 #web2 #corporate internet #corporate web

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pb-dot · 8 months

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Let's talk about the MBTI

If you've heard me speak on the subject before, it may not shock you to hear that I'm not a huge fan of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or as it is more commonly known, the MBTI. For those that haven't had the pleasure yet, I find the MBTI to be little better than a horoscope, what descriptive power of one's personality or mental processes are concerned. It's a reoccurring weakness of psychology, frankly, that we seem to struggle so hard with finding any reliable metrics for measuring the human mind, maybe that's a feature and not a bug.

The one factor that the MBTI that I find personally useful, though, is the Introversion/Extroversion dichotomy. I, myself, am pretty introverted as these things go. I need time to decompress after being social, I'm not particularly outgoing as these things go, that whole situation. That said, I don't consider myself antisocial. I love people. I love talking to them, learning from them, figuring out how they tick, or just shooting the breeze and spending some time outside of my own head. I've always scoffed at self-declared "ambiverts" because it appeared as self-evident to me that introversion does not mean being asocial, and that being somewhere on the scale between the two extremes was quite normal.

As I read up on the damn thing, though, it appears I have been too charitable with the MBTI. As it turns out, the MBTI operates on the assumption of a bimodal distribution, which is to say that the majority of test scores would fall close to the two extremes, and not be distributed evenly around the mean as in a Standard Distribution

Where I'm from, there's a satirical observation, or perhaps a very dry joke, stating that "There are two kinds of people. People who own a boat and people who don't." (my translation) This is meant to mock binary sorting systems, as even the untrained "folk psychologist" can plainly see that any such dichotomous categorization of the human animal is plainly ridiculous. And yet, here is the MBTI telling the same joke but four times over and meaning it every time.

Me and my interpretation of local witticisms is, however, not the only one to have picked up on this little inconsistency between the model and what we can observe in reality. A conga line of researchers, see this and this for examples, have looked at the MBTIs assumption of distribution of results and found the dichotomies to be considerably less dichotomous than advertised.

So, without even getting into the other criticisms of the model, let's just say this thing is shaky as fuck from an actual scientific perspective, and the model doesn't have many, if it has any, defenders among the labcoat crowd.

So, why is this important to me at all? Partially because it annoys me on a personal level when junk science circulates in a field I actually know enough about to pick it up, but also because I find it shady as all fuck how this test still lives on in the popular conscience. Part of it is mine and younger generations desperately seeking identity footholds to cling onto in this post(-post?)-post-modern world we flounder around in, but our dearly hated nemesis Late Stage Capitalism also has its share of the blame. You see, while the Tinder profile-havers and Ted:x talk-enjoyers of the world do their part to keep this particular piece of failed psychometrics going, it's a comparatively small push compared to recruiting and business factors.

Businesses love Metrics, and it's easy to see why. In a world where everything is about increasing one number, namely the bottom line, it's immeasurably easier to evaluate the effect of actions and choices if they come with their own tidy little numbers. If spending X dollars on this or that decision ends up increasing the profit by Y%, that's a considerably easier piece of math for evaluating whether doing this was a good idea than if there were no numbers attached and you had to go partially by gut feeling.

Hiring and other personnel decisions are tricky from a business perspective partially because there are considerably fewer good metrics by which to evaluate an actual person than, say, a change in office supplies. Psychometrics is a notoriously tricky field, and although there are some metrics that supposedly covary with productivity or other words the C-suite likes hearing, many of these can be pricy to administer and generally give results with more nuance than fits comfortably in a spreadsheet.

In that context, I can easily see the MBTI standing out as a more attractive option. It doesn't take long to test for and it gives everyone a convenient combination of letters that you can tell yourself means something significant. Granted, it doesn't really tell you anything useful and has terrible test-retest validity, but that's apparently not enough of a deterrent, and if that doesn't tell you a lot about how nuts recruitment has gotten lately don't you worry, I have plenty of other thoughts about the matter.

Those are for another day though. This little rant was originally going to be about introverts and extroverts and how there should be room in a healthy society for both, but then I came across the actual state of the MBTI while making sure I knew what I was talking about, and then that was suddenly all I could write about. Life takes you on some journies at times dear friends, and sometimes you just have to buckle up and ride it out.

#peebs thinks #gripes #psychology #in which peebs uses his modest higher education for once

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starvinginbelair · 12 days

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this is just a thought for the moment, but, i'm wondering (and processing through writing, it's not a full fledged idea) if there's like. a chance if the greater outraged people/suspicious atl fandom could somehow. have a lawyer in their midst and make an offer of their services publicly to the girl who claimed things on twitter and it could be like a fan effort? obv it's a big thing to try coordinate but i'm in the mood for some movie style vigilante shit and i'm just. entertaining the possibility (even though i am definitely not a lawyer). but when i look at things fans have come together and coordinated it def does feel smaller than some things that are outright unhelpful yet people came together for

while i think this would be a better idea than what's currently happening, and of course done with good intentions, i genuinely do not think something like this would never come to fruition, mainly due to the online nature of the allegations and simply how much would actually have to be done on the legal side alone by even the most organized groups of fans.

pls note i'm not an expert on us law. i'm also still in my undergrad, and NOT a law student, but here's how i see it based on my knoweldge of that system.

firstly, i'm not even sure you can bring a legal case on these accusations to a court. i mainly focus on the criminal side in my degree, so i know a lot about this stuff, but because this case was not one that was reported to/investigated to the police (by my knowledge), there's nothing a criminal court can do. this case wouldn't even be brought up there. the reason all time low is able to sue in civil court is because they are suing on defamation charges, and not criminal charges. however, the victim, because they remained anonymous in the original post would not be able to countersue for the same issue. so that's the initial challenge, that i'm pretty sure there's not even a charge that the victims could sue all time low for, it would have to process through a criminal legal avenue.

the only thing i can imagine on the civil level is potentially something to do with not advertising their shows at 18+? but at the same time, it's really hard to think that there's any substantive argument coming out of that, considering there's no us regulation against not advertising 18+ on tickets. and while i don't necessarily think that what all time low was saying at their shows was appropriate, i don't think that it was out of the realm of "acceptable social behaviour" especially for bands in their genre at the time (which they would definitely use as a counterargument for their behaviour)

even if this case somehow did get off the ground, there' still so many other barriers to getting justice for these victims through the legal system. while of course the number of 97 has never been officially confirmed by anyone, there were still a lot of accusations against the band. the difficulty here is that there is no guarantee that all of these people live within the same legal jurisdiction or even the same country. that would likely mean trials in several different areas, which the victims probably would not be able to afford (even if there was a lawyer in the midst of atl fans).

most lawyers don't often do pro bono work, in the first place, and i've personally never heard of it being done across countries like that. logistically, it sounds like a nightmare, because the legal system is so much more than just going to court and pleading your case. it's discovery meetings and motions to dismiss and very much so requires in person or at least consistent online interaction between lawyers and their clients. very rarely do cases actually go to court, with most settling far before it even gets to that stage. and because so much of this broke online and on twitter, with very little other than just stories from victims, it wouldn't be worth it to try to fight it. any lawyer considering picking this up would know that the judge would probably dismiss the case, on the basis of lack of evidence about a year into the process. i say lack of evidence btw, not as away to say i don't believe the stories, but that court admissible evidence is very different from what the average person considers to be evidence. it has to follow a very strict set of guidelines and anything that does not fit the bill is striken from record. and with tiktok and twitter information especially, very rarely does all of it pass through within any issues whatsoever.

anyways, the lawyer would likely realize then that they'd pretty much be wasting a year of everyone's time and money with this case, and simply just not pick it up. it'd probably have to be a very invested lawyer to pursue it in the first place, with more evidence and what they believe is an iron-clad case. but solely on what broke online, i just don't see enough for anyone to want to go after it.

this is also why a lot of sa vicitms don't go to the police or to the courts with their stories. because the system is simply not set up to benefit them, or to get them true justice. they are asked time and time again to prove to the courts that they've gone through this intense trauma, and so much of the time, it is not acceptable just to say that it happened. there has to be stacks on stacks of evidence, and even then, the court can rule against them based on whether or not they truly believed that the defendant did the things they were accused of. it's really tough, and while i would say some places are getting better at adapting their legal system to accomodate these issues, the us is definitely not one of them. with the current way their legal system is set up, it's hard for any victim, with even mountains of receipts and testimony, to receive justice. much less with how little admissible court evidence there would be in this case

#ask #it is never as easy as they make seem in the movies #also the likelihood of this ever going to court and not just being handled with a settlement is near none

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qwuilty · 1 year

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Hiii, if i get this right, this should be posted right at 12 AM here meaning it’s officially my birthdayyy (feburary 1st) and for my birthday im posting more postal 1 dude headcanons and no one can stop me on my Special Dayyyyyy >:)

His mental collapse in Postal 1 is mostly due to a progression of several events in his life, but mainly due to a sort of midlife crisis escalating his worsening mental health.

I kind of take the advertisement quotes as a kind of semi-canon, which includes the “His classmates voted him most likely to succeed” one as well. I generally kind of think of him as being not a very popular kid (mostly due to his ‘strange’ behaviors and lack of social prowess) nor a very athletic one, but he was a Smart kid.

Being Smart meant he got told he was doing a good job, that people were proud of him, so he had to keep being smart, even if it killed him. And it worked through elementary to middle school to high school, however he completely crashed and burned once he couldn’t stretch himself any further.

The lack of a more rigid class schedule, the stress of expectations, his candle of mental energy being essentially a charred pile of wax embedded to the table, his worsening mental health and lack of medication, it all lead to him having a pretty bad breakdown and dropping out shortly after with everyone else kind of keeping their distance from him due to his “sudden” freakout.

From there he stagnated heavily, having to watch everyone else he knew make it and do what, to him, was supposed to be easy. Everyone expected such good things from him, and in his mind, he failed to go over the last hurdle at the finish line watching everyone else run right past him and over his exhausted body. Now he was stuck back at home in a dead-end job after already taking so long to get out the nest already.

The feeling of being watched started as the feeling of persecution from his peers due to his perceived failure, then paranoia that they were going to harass him, then delusions of a sudden intense increase in violence that spread as he left for college mixing with paranoia about world events and government surveillance, which well... You know how that ends.

I personally don’t know what I headcanon his major as, usually i default to an english major however i have seen other headcanons i like, so admittedly it's kind of in the air for me. However, even if it's not his major, I think he’d enjoy english and writing often. He's got a good flair for melodrama.

Because he’s paranoid of any potential issue happening, he’s self taught in first aid care either for himself or others as well as several other essential skills like hand-sewing. Both to keep himself busy in that downtime after his plans fell out and because of the fear of the worst case scenario that eventually became reality.

This one is more just a fun one, but I like to imagine he was a dinosaur and dragon kid growing up, he just kind of has that energy to me. Another fun little note is that actually, Postal 1 was released on November 14th, which is exactly nine months before Valentine's Day! I just think that's neat. :) (It’s also National American Teddy Bear Day!!)

Prone to compulsion and repetition, it provides the feeling of something familiar to him with the uncompromising spontaneousness of life. Some are simple, quick ones and some are more complex, some even potentially harmful but he greatly fears the consequences of not following through. Probably superstitious as well, things like knocking on wood or avoiding walking under ladders still get him even as an adult.

He’s not as judgemental of other people dealing with similar delusions and issues as he is to himself. He does panic a bit when confronted with a breakdown as he usually has no idea how to help in the moment, but he tries to be helpful how he can, even if that’s not very much. At the very least he tends to be more sympathetic towards people he notices struggling like he does.

Simultaneously fascinated by and terrified by horror movies, he finds the theming and cinematography of them very enjoyable but he’s also very prone to insomnia afterwards. Y'know the whole “watched a horror movie before bed and now i’m afraid the horror monster is in my hallway” deal, it’s a nasty cycle. </3

His love language is acts of service, he likes to feel useful to others and doing tangible things for them partially so he can feel worthy of love at all. In terms of receiving he prefers quality time, but for those who aren’t used to him it’s hard to tell what he even qualifies as “quality time”. Since he grew up mostly by himself either hiding in his room or with his parents out, he’s been alone for a good while and mostly just wants someone to physically be there even if you don’t do anything.

He’s picked up woodcarving as a small hobby, he’s gotten better at it over the years but perfectionism leads to little abandoned projects left behind before they’re ever finished. He’s fairly creative and has a sense of wonder under all that grunge, just not the energy or confidence to really pursue anything with that.

He needs some kind of music or sound while he sleeps, mostly through an old CD player resting on his nightstand. He’s got a small folder of easier listening cds he’s gotten from thrift stores as well as the ones he already has, the kind you find that are heavily discounted in the back. They’re in fairly bad condition and it’s definitely not helped by him constantly having to replay them, but it’s better than laying in complete silence.

He’s gone through a few jobs, especially after his college time trying to keep afloat. Most jobs he left were ones he had to quit due to the stress or he ended up being let go due to complaints of his uncomfortable behavior. Mainly unintentionally disturbing staff members and being fired for unaffiliated reasons on paper so they can just let him go and not have to tell him why to his face. It’s not even that he does a bad job or that he’s rude, it’s mainly his height and mixture of quietness, muttering, and lurking around the area that gets him written up.

He greatly prefers winter to any other season, partially because it allows him to layer up more without overheating to feel a bit safer and partially because he isn’t as sweaty when it's colder. But during summer he usually cycles through a couple old band shirts that still mask his form well enough, the boots are all season though. He’s also generally grumpier during summer, even having grown up in Arizona the heat bothers him as well as how bright it gets outside.

What doesn’t help him with that is how easily he burns up in the summer, partially because he still dresses pretty heavy even with his “warm weather” clothes, but also because of how pale he is. It’s like he freckles a little and then it’s all pain from there. </3

He doesn’t have a proper driving license and never learned how to, which adds onto his feeling of being far behind where he ‘should’ be. He did use to have a bike he rode to and from work but it got crushed under one of his neighbor’s cars and was completely irreparable, meaning he had to walk to and from work leading to him eventually stopping showing up at all.

Prone to zoning out, either lost in thought or just kind of a gap where he really isn’t there. He enters a state of auto-pilot, his mind either unraveling a thread that got too messy or trying to boot back up, it can lead to him accidentally hurting himself by either tripping over something or if he’s doing something like needlework, partially why he doesn’t cut his own vegetables very much.

In addition to that, he’s got a lot of small nicks and cuts on his hands, it’s not that he’s klutzy, just sometimes unaware of his surroundings. The only time he’s been fully, 100% there and in the moment instead of fretting over the past or future was during the events of Postal 1, and even then it was more because he was in a state of a very high adrenaline rush trying to stay alive. He most likely had to be hospitalized by the end of it, considering how far he’s walked as well as the inevitable blood loss and bullet wounds even if he’s using first aid kits.

When he’s unemployed his sleep schedule is a rotating nightmare, he starts with waking up incredibly early and progressively sleeps at later and later times until he ends up getting up by nighttime and falling asleep in the morning. When he isn’t, his sleep schedule is a bit better, but due to bouts of insomnia he sometimes has to run on basically nothing for the entire shift. At this point he could probably sleep standing up, or at least start to before waking up in a jolt of panic.

I feel like as a kid he was pretty gullible, though that was half because his parents didn’t teach him better and half because the world seemed so strange already, it was hard for him to tell lies from reality. As an adult he’s gotten better about being skeptical, fool him once shame on him, but you won’t fool him twice. At least if he can help it you won't. In exchange however, this has made him very skeptical of genuine things as well, even positives.

Even before The Incident he had an interest in guns, as I said in my previous headcanons post I imagine he was taught how to use them by his dad, but he’s mostly fascinated by how they work. Maybe a little too curious for his own good towards them. He could find himself staring endlessly at something like a handgun trying to figure out how it worked and looking into its different mechanisms and little design quirks.

If he wasn’t afraid of accidentally blowing his arm off and of the government tracking his package orders to get parts, he probably could have made his own firearms. It doesn’t help either he finds this an incredibly hard hobby to just discuss casually to others especially considering his already ‘off’ look to others, so he often just keeps his mouth shut about it and enjoys it in the privacy of his own home.

He’s had a couple relationships, some mutually, some more one sided through his own ideas of the person and how their relationship would be. With new partners he tries to give an impression of being ‘normal’ VERY hard, almost walking on eggshells because he’s worried about them seeing his true colors. In a way, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy as he starts to burn out on having to mask his actual personality, leading to a very sudden cold shoulder and often the relationships were dropped right there as the expectation of how he was suddenly broken and they had to see him at his worst.

For the ones he imagines, it’s always from a distance as he finds it incredibly hard to even initiate contact with someone he’s into, incredibly petrified of coming off as weird. Still, when he crushes on someone, it becomes a small bout of fixation until they either get freaked out by him and distance themselves or the daydream fades away. He had tried lying about being in a relationship with a past crush of his, but she eventually found out and was well, frankly disturbed and disgusted by his actions.

He’s partially a romantic, at least compared to the other dudes, however it’s mostly in theory and far less in practice. He has a lot of thoughts about romance and doing grand gestures, but as mentioned before actually getting that off the ground is practically impossible if the person doesn't know how he is going in. If they do get past that initial crash, he does try to be traditionally romantic, just not entirely well. He got you flowers. Or well, a single flower. That he hurriedly yanked out of his neighbor’s garden so he wouldn’t notice him so it’s kind of crumpled up. There’s also still a clump of dirt stuck to the stem.

He had tried to go to therapy, mostly at the insistence of family after noticing his isolation and volatile nature, but he finds it very hard to open up to health professionals. There’s a feeling of disconnect with him and them, either with his past therapist or the psychiatrists evaluating him at the end of Postal 1. It’s hard to open up, even harder to do so to someone writing down things about you like you’re a lab rat in a test, or at least that’s how he feels about it. Eventually due to being busy, visit rescheduling was forgotten and he figured it was best to not remind them.

His dreams tend to be very strange and slightly unsettling when he can remember them, semi lucid at times but in places he REALLY does not want to be conscious. He figures it’s best to avoid thinking about them, trying to parse any meaning from them just leaves him panicked about what it could mean for his future or what it means inside his head. Usually sleeps curled up in a sort of fetal position, he snores but in very long gaps, so you may be a little worried seeing him laying there and breathing so softly it looks like he isn’t alive until he lets out a loud snore.

Not actually much of a drinker, he already deals with fairly frequent headaches and the thought of getting black out drunk and doing god knows what worries him. He’s mainly only a social drinker to try and get that ‘liquid confidence’ but since he’s not really getting invited out to drink or inviting anyone IN his tolerance is pretty low.

Drink of choice is really just shitty canned beers, it’s what he can afford and while he hates the taste, when he needs to be drunk it gets the job done. I don’t think he’s on the same level of drug cocktail that Postal 2 and onward dudes are on, but he’s probably experimented with some pot before. Hallucinogenics would be a fucking awful idea though, don’t give him those.

His hallucinations tend to get worse and worse the more tired he is, he mostly experiences visual hallucinations as well as audio-based ones, but also some physical ones too. It’s kind of a sign that he needs to book it to bed once he starts noticing them ramping up worse and worse. Sometimes he does not get the luxury of being able to go right to sleep though, those are his least favorite times to be awake.

He can be pretty protective, both of his things and people in his life. In terms of his belongings, he’s worried about them getting broken leading to him kind of hovering over people who borrow things from him and making sure they aren’t too rough with them even to the point of coming off to others as obnoxious about it. It’s not that he means to come off as rude, he’s just very worried since he has to kind of hold onto them a while and gets attached.

In terms of people however, it’s a mixture of his brewing savior complex and desire to keep those who can stand him from getting hurt on his watch. Mostly in terms of making sure something won’t fall on them with his height advantage, stepping in to do more dangerous things, it can come off a little patronizing but he means well. If you come at him gently about it and explain he’ll back off, but there’s still that air of anxiousness to him, that fear of something terrible happening extending outwards to others as well.

Very much prone to a black and white view of the world. Good and bad, right and wrong, he was taught over and over what they were, so breaking from that is hard for him. And he wants to do good, he wants to do so much good and make others happy, but the world is a messy shade of gray that he just. Can’t comprehend sometimes. Good people are supposed to protect others, not harm them, he knows that. But sometimes you have to hurt a few to protect the many, at least that’s his justification for it all.

And to end this on a kinder note i wanted to share things that reminded me of him but i don't want to potentially spam to random tags cause tumblr search is weird, so small collage of stuff that makes me think of him

#postal 1 #postal dude #postal #postal headcanons #thats right this bitch is even LONGER than my last one. i scratched back in my brain for these ones <3 #holding him gently babygirl you may have no canonical story but im writing so much shit for youuuu #he has firmly buried himself right in my brain and im thinkin about him very very much #and i hope yall enjoy my ramblings <3

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themagicfolf · 1 year

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Hi, I'm Stella A college student at SWIC this is the first paper I worked on while attending It covers Transphobi and mainly how it affects Trans Youth. I hope you all get something out of this ^w^

See my Citations and supplementary material here

The Rise of Transphobia in the U.S.A and the Effects it Brought

______________________________________________________________________________________________________First I would like to preface this by stating my biases. I support the rights of transgender people

| I also feel the need to mention that I myself am a Trans woman. Meaning I support Trans rights_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

In recent years there has been a noticeable rise in anti-LGBTQIA+ legislation and hate crimes, particularly targeting educators, health care providers, trans-youth, and transwomen of color. Though harmful, this legislation and these attacks are only the surface of the deeper issues within our society. We as a people have a fear of the unknown. This fear has historically been weaponized by those seeking to gain or maintain a level of control. By demonizing people they don’t understand, politicians, religious leaders, and “activists'' are able to gain an audience and turn a group into a problem rather than a people.

I want to explore this and show the corrupting nature of these actions tracing them back to the source. In my research, I discovered many activist groups, businesses, and political organizations have disguised their close-minded views and hateful rhetoric as beliefs grounded in scientific study and the harmful actions they take as well-intentioned actions taken to defend the defenseless. They claim to be informing the public when they are both denying scientific studies and attacking the defenseless for their own personal gain. To more effectively combat this we need to understand when and who set these events into motion.

My analysis starts in 2015. The House had just passed the Mariage Equality Act, anti-LGBTQ+ groups were airing homophobic advertisements more than they ever had before, and Barack Obama's second term was about to end. This was a year of both celebration and protest. It is my belief that during this year due to homophobia becoming less socially acceptable, anti-LGBTQIA+ groups began to lean harder into opposing the right of transgender and non-binary people to live as the gender they identify as. Because of this, these groups began introducing new policies dubbed “Bathroom Bills” ' meant to restrict transgender and non-binary peoples' usage of public facilities such as restrooms and locker rooms.

These “Bathroom Bills” on the surface appear to be only a minor inconvenience but in areas where they were signed into law proved to be detrimental to the physical and mental well-being of transgender and non-binary students in the area.

These bills had a multitude of negative effects, the most prevalent of these is increased stress, anxiety, and depression due to the uncertainty of finding a restroom they are legally allowed to use and the abuse they may face when using the restroom corresponding with the sex they were assigned at birth. Another effect was an increase in UTIs due to transgender individuals “holding it” due to a lack of or inconvenient location of appropriate facilities. These claims are corroborated by an American Medical Association report which can be found here.

Another type of bill that saw an increase in recent years is the banning of trans women from women's sports. For more information on the topic see the TUE Physican Guidlines as presented by The World Anti-Doping Agency. As I am not qualified to speak on this I will only be speaking on the effects these bills had on LGBTQIA+ individuals. Banning Trans athletes from competing in sports aligned with their gender identity harms the mental health and safety of transgender athletes. For many, these bans can be dehumanizing, and isolating, also putting those who swap teams in danger. These bans can make people feel isolated because they separate friends from each other and lower the visibility of transgender athletes thus making it harder for transgender individuals to find other athletes they can relate to. These bans can also put transgender athletes who decide to stay in sports by joining a team not congruent with their gender identity in danger due to a raised risk of bullying, harassment, and assault as shown by this study from the American Psychology Association

More recently the U.S. has seen an increased push for a total ban on gender-affirming care for transgender minors. This push has been mainly made by Conservatives, Religious Organisations, and Politicians of the Republican Party. A common claim by these groups and individuals is that “Most children who think they are the opposite sex will grow out of this delusion before adulthood” stating “By mutilating children with these chemicals and surgeries you will be ruining their lives” citing this outdated and heavily contested study.

Another common claim made that focuses on gay youth is that “Most trans kids aren't trans and just suffer from confusion or internalized homophobia.” Another is that ”Kids with Autism aren’t mentally capable of making such a drastic and irreversible decision.” This claim disregards the autonomy and mental capabilities of neurodivergent people. They also tend to cite the heightened risk of suicide in trans youth. To back this up they don't normally cite any specific studies but many of the statistics they use and claims they make come from these studies.

Most studies that back their claims up are old, outdated, rescinded, or debunked. Even when the studies don’t line up with their claims they bend the truth, misinterpreted the data, and use it out of context. An example of this is one study from Sweden.

This study focused on the results of Swedish citizens post-SRS over the course of 10 years. It does show a heightened mortality rate for transgender individuals. The main problem with this study is a lack of a control group containing individuals suffering from gender dysphoria. This study also lacks vital context involving environmental factors such as transphobia, financial hardship, discrimination, and political discourse and is mainly used to attribute the increased risk of suicide directly to transitioning rather than the social stigmas around it.

When making their push to ban Gender Affirming Care for Minors they also appeal to a sense of urgency and responsibility in their arguments claiming “Gender-affirming care for minors is child abuse.” In many cases, these arguments have convinced a large enough number of people to support such bans. Since 2015, a number of states have banned gender-affirming care for transgender minors such as Alabama, Arkansas, Texas, and Florida while Arizona has enstated a ban on any gender-affirming surgery for transgender minors. Recently Michigan *among others, have begun their fight to ban Gender Affirming Care for transgender minors as well

These bans and claims are harmful and go against The World Health Organisations' recommended treatment plan for gender dysphoria. In the states where these bans have been enstated courts were able to temporarily block investigations of families supportive of their transgender child. But many living in these states still feel as though a dark cloud is looming overhead, and that it’s only a matter of time before these bans take full effect. This feeling is echoed in these quotes. As shown by multiple studies, withholding access to gender-affirming care from gender-diverse youth has a long-lasting detrimental effect on their mental and physical well-being.

These individuals see increased rates of anxiety, depression, feelings of hopelessness, fear, stress, self-harm, and attempted suicide. This can be caused by a multitude of factors. Gender-diverse youth who are denied gender-affirming care are a majority of the time forced to watch their bodies change and morph into something that ‘on a deeper level’ feels wrong while knowing these changes could have most likely been prevented. Due to these changes, they are also more likely to be bullied for physical characteristics not typical of their gender identity. They may also feel hopeless as though they may never gain access to gender-affirming care. Most of all, gender-affirming care has been proven to be an effective treatment of gender dysphoria so without gender-affirming care it is left for the most part untreated.

These consequences are primarily why I find it important to understand why and how these events take place. The rights and Lives of LGBTQIA+ Children, Teens, and Adults all over the U.S. and The World are at stake. The best way to combat hate is through knowledge and in the knowledge we find truth, I urge you if this topic interests you look into it further and speak out.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________Paper written and researched by: Stella Cox

For questions and inquiries contact me at [email protected]________________________________________________________________________________

Testimonials

Parental Testimonials on The Fear of Anti-Trans Legislation ______________________________________________________________________________________________________

“It would mean that my son would go back to hating himself every month when he began to menstruate again. The thoughts of hurting himself would return.”

(Mother of a transgender son from Illinois) Source ______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Without hormones and surgery, my teen would probably have committed suicide.

(Mother of a transgender son from Connecticut) Source ______________________________________________________________________________________________________

“My daughter tried to harm herself at an early age due to her misery of having male parts. She only got hopeful when her doctor told her she wouldn’t go through male puberty. Male puberty would kill my daughter.”

(Mother of a transgender daughter from Ohio) Source______________________________________________________________________________________________________

“If she had been younger, and been told that she couldn’t get the hormones, the medicine that would help her overcome this problem, she would have been devastated. The message would have been that she is so very wrong, disordered, hopeless that she isn’t even worth treatment. And that leads to profound mental health issues and suicide.“

(Mother of a transgender daughter from Ohio) Source______________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Even if they don’t pass, just the news cycle letting him know that people hate him, despise him, and have no larger concerns than to dispose of his very existence is a very trying experience.“

(Father of a transgender son from South Dakota) Source______________________________________________________________________________________________________

“The very existence of these laws, regardless that they are in other states, renders my child less safe. They encourage and legitimize hate. The idea that the government can raise children better than the parents is absurd. “

(Mother of a transgender daughter from New Jersey) Source

Testimonials From Gender-Diverse People on The Fear of Anti-Trans Legislation

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Kids, or just people supportive of trans youth, see the news reports and understand some of the content, and think that if this passes the restrictions will immediately go into place. They’re going to immediately close up, stop talking to counselors, etc. That’s where the harm begins — where the unhappiness begins.” “My main question to people trying to pass this bill is: How can you make decisions for trans people when you don’t even know us? We live in communities everywhere — as students, coworkers, friends, family — and deserve to be heard just like anyone else.”

(Jeremiah - age 17 from Alabama) Source

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

“The issues they’re making laws to protect against don’t exist; instead, they’re creating problems where there are none. These bills will have a really bad effect on kids like me everywhere and are just going to hurt people if passed.”

“It’s hard enough being a trans kid, not knowing if you’ll be bullied at school, but to have politicians who supposedly have the good of the people at heart do this is so upsetting.”

“Know that we’re here for you, I’m here for you — I hope everyone finds that person who will always listen to and believe in you no matter what.”

(Adam - 8th grade from Tennessee) Source

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

“I’ve met so many of my close friends by playing basketball and they’ve really become a support system for me throughout middle school.”

“To all the parents out there, my main advice is to listen to your kids. When we share something with you, it’s because we want to be seen and heard. It’s important for trans people, and

especially trans kids, to have our stories heard so that others can get to know us for who we are.”

(Daniel From Arizona)Source

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