#postal headcanons
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i have a lot of postal dude headcanons, so ive split them up.
so heres my postal 1 dude headcanons
p1 dude has a special interest on the jets and weaponry used in ww2 and the vietnam war, but also the U.S military as a whole. he specifically likes to collect vintage U.S military memorabilia and propaganda. he can go on for hours about the faults of the government and government greed and corruption, he hates the system. he also knows a lot about JFK assassination theories and will go on for hours about them.
oh yeah. postal 1 dude is autistic.
he also has a spin on guns. he knows them all by name and loves to learn about different manufacturers and how each one are built. he knows how to deconstruct them and put them back together. he even has some guns he's made himself. legal? probably not. he doesnt care.
p1 dude also prefers reading in books for information instead of searching the web for them, so amongst the mess of his house is just piles upon piles of books.
p1 dude also is great at poetry. he loves writing too, which is why i think he started his diaries.
he also loves drawing! he loves going out and drawing scenery the most, he also likes drawing nude figures. he finds the human body to be interesting.
p1 dude is religious. im divided on if i see him as someone whos spiritually aligned closer to catholics (though i wouldnt call him a straight up catholic, he doesn't like the church.) or pagen.
talking about pagen dude, correct me if im wrong, i dont know much about pagenism (but ive been trying to learn more as of recent), but he specifically worships greek gods. out of the gods, his favorite is ares.
he hangs around poostall dude a lot. they arent really friends, they're kinda opposites of each other, but poostall looks up to him as a mentor in philosophy among other things.
he used to be active in his local punk scene when he was younger. he has a lot of cds and tapes of obscure bands that almost no one has heard of.
he loves metal more then anything though, and he also has a large collection of horror films (all on vhs, a few of dvd. he doesnt have his dvd player plugged in so he only uses it if he has too. also refused to buy blueray. if its the only option he burns it onto a disk himself.).
his favorite genres of metal are melodic death metal and prog metal. i would also say dsbm but i feel like thats too corny. he loves opeth. also death.
he's non-speaking most of the time by choice. the older he's gotten the more he started to isolate himself, and he usually chooses to ignore people when theyre talking and not respond at all, mainly just people who ask for directions and stuff on the street he'll just ignore. he just doesnt feel the need too, he likes to stay invisible.
talking about that, he hates leaving his house. it used to be because of anxiety but it slowly became due to his other mental health issues getting worse, especially his fear of everyone being out to get him/everyone else being demons/whatever your interpretation of his reasonings behind postal 1 is.
3 in one shampoo. also uses hand soap to shave instead of shaving cream. also uses hand soap to wash his face...
he needs glasses. his sunglasses also has his normal prescription lenses in them, his eyes are sensitive to light so he chose to make them sunglasses too (i believe this is possible. if its not, well it is now). he also has a 2nd pair that are just normal glasses, he uses them only to read or when he's walking around his house at night. (this is totally not me self reflecting with the realization that i just found out i need glasses..../s)
I DONT KNOW HOW I FORGOT TO MENTION but also has a special interest on nuclear disasters, nuclear power plants, and radiation. theyre not separate theyre all apart of one fixation that branches off the core idea of nuclear power. like he cant have one without the other. if that makes sense.
also uses he/they. he doesnt out right say it, he doesnt use social media so its not like, in a bio or anything. he just naturally picked it up. will also accept she being used to refer to himself, but is not something he states publicly or asks people to do. he was surrounded by the queer community growing up as most of his highschool friends were apart of the community so he just one day realized he wasnt opposed to it being used in reference to himself.
he is an ASSHOLE. he used to be more considerate in his youth but the older he got the grumpier he got. he is SCARY when he insults someone. like he will have an entire ass speech of him just degrading someone until they literally have nothing left to say for themselves.
doesnt get angry though. he's calm when hes upset and frustrated, or will straight up just make fun of and make harsh jokes about the situation (i mean that like. if he gets into a disagreement with someone on the street he will laugh at them and mock them by teasing them. thats what i mean.)
#sorry i love p1 dude so much. like so much.#i think about him way too much.#im so not normal about him#please correct any incorrect info in here crying emoji#postal#postal dude#postal headcanons#postal dude headcanons#postal 1#rws#running with scissors#p1 dude#postal 1 dude
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Postal 4 boyfriend Headcanons
(Guess who found about how to do a buillted list insides of manually putting dots :D)
Mans is probably in his early 40’s and feeling every second of it.
He’s not much a romantic, but he knows how to love. Like he knows he’s supposed to give you gifts, listen to you rant, support you in anything, hug you, give affection and words of encouragement, the whole sha-bang. Is he good at it tho? Kinda,,,
You probably met him during his ‘job hunting’, when he was running around this a sign that said something along the lines of “Willing to do something strange for a bit of change”. Caught your attention IMMEDIATELY
You thought he wasn’t too bad looking, something of a roughed up silver fox. He was pretty toned for someone his age, forearms are pretty big and that’s just what you needed. You ended up taking him up on his offer and made him clean out your gutters. You just sat there and watched as he worked himself throwing out heaps of wet leaves and random junk from your gutters.
He came out obvious dirty so you gifted him $40 and a shower. It’s like heavens light shined upon him when he heard the words “You can take a shower here if you’d like?” fall from your mouth was enough for him to marry you in that moment.
Postal Dude has been raw dogging it homeless style for a couple months up to this point, so any kind of reward he came across was a fortune to him. Gladly accepting this kind gesture, he was still thrown out for the rest of the day. You both came upon an agreement that he could stay the nights on your couch, but he still had to go ‘job hunting’ during the days. Didn’t matter to him, he still accepted it. As long as he had a safe place to sleep with Champ.
Side note, you loathe Champ being around during the day since he digs holes everywhere in your front AND back yard, so you make Dude take Champ with him everyday. Dude doesn't mind since Champ is kinda like an attack dog so homie very useful when Dude's walking around
Once your relationship with Dude has reached it's peak (dating), he becomes very attentive and energetic. Where he was once tired and reclused, he's now got some energy in him and filled with affection
Dude loves to be around you and touching you. Biggest love languages are quality time and physical touch, sometimes words of affirmation if he's feeling extra sappy. He's probably been through the works of brutal relationships, so he really wants to settle down, which leads me to my next thought
Mans is getting old and creaky. Sure he's still got muscle and all, but they're honestly just for show. He couldn't hold back Champ from attacking someone he isn't supposed to even if his life depended on it. So, he's staring to wear down and just wants to find someone to relax with.
Red flag time, he's talking about marriage about 2 months into the relationship and tries to move his scrap in without you noticing, which usually fails. It's not that he's using you for your home, Dude just wants to feel like he's finally in a normal relationship. No bitchy attitudes being thrown around, no constant nagging for something stupid, no arguing over small things, no constant threats, just y’all being in love together
Eventually your gonna have to let Champ wonder the house and train him to be a guard dog rather than just an attack dog. You’re definitely the one to look up dog training classes and making Dude go with you to these said classes.
Even with how much he loves to be around you, there are still times when his mental and physical illnesses make him ill 😔 but he still tries to snap out of it
His main problems are most likely his chronic muscle pains and his auditory schizophrenia. (I think all the dudes are some sort of schizo, it’s just that p1 and p2 are the strongest showing ones)
Being older means his body is slowly deteriorating. Sure he’s not that old, but with how he lived in his golden age, he should really be dead. Constantly on the run from the government, having to stay sharp to kill, and fucking his way through Paradise and Edensin, he’s ready to just lay down and let the earth reclaim him
Having a long history of schizophrenia in the family and his own lifetime, it’s thankfully dwindled down to just hearing voices randomly. Since he can only hear these voices it doesn’t scare him as bad as it used to. All he can really hear is a distant conversation that he can’t make out the words to, it’s sort of like a mumbling between a woman and a man. Many times you’ve found him franticly wondering the house with a confused look on his face saying “I thought there was people in here?”
Overall, he’s an old man who’s been through enough and would just like to relax. Give him kisses, give him cuddles, feed him, and talk to him, and he’ll love you for eternity (so gay)
#postal#p1 dude#running with scissors#postal 4#postal headcanons#postal dude x reader#postal game#postal 3 dude#postal x male reader#postal x reader#x reader
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hcs of what Postal Dude has done in the past and WILL do again if not monitored
Eaten glass
Touched fire with his bare hands.
Tried Champ's dog treats and food before. (had to get his stomach pumped, rip)
Has pissed on public property (obvs)
The Cat Incidents™
Stole pennies from many, MANY fountains and wells.
Tried, and failed, to catch a bird with his own hands.
Attempted to cow-tip but couldn't push the cow over and had the cops called on him.
Attempted to throw his own jarate at people, TF2 style.
Attempted to eat a whole dill pickle and failed, he is NOT the throat goat.
Eaten out of Champ's food bowl because he didn't want to do dishes.
Stole, and continues to steal, Krotchy dolls from any Wal-Mart he enters.
He's probably escaped jail before, I don't know and at this point I'm too afraid to ask.
#postal dude#postal#postal hcs#postal headcanons#postal dude headcanons#headcanon#headcanons#postal fandom
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This could apply to all the dudes but I’m thinking specifically P2 here.
A lot of Dude’s acting out seems to be in retaliation a lot of the time. Someone pulls a gun out on him, he does the same. Someone insults him, he does the same. Even just being mildly inconvenienced makes his brain go on the attack. It’s almost like he’s never learned to brush things off, although he believes that’s what he’s doing. He can take pain and trauma easily supposedly, but in reality he really isn’t. Something to do with his hatred of vulnerability, can’t be seen as weak and just being hurt over and over like a stress toy so he’s always gotta hit back harder. Brush aside the things that would normally make others scared and afraid, and use violence as the answer for everything.
It’s a lot of repression I think. It’s his response to everything because maybe before that was never an option for him. He wasn’t allowed to choose his response, always forced to be a doormat if his relationship with the Bitch is anything to go by. It’s like a child who’s been told they can punch the bobo doll if they want and no one will stop them. And Dude doesn’t seem to care about consequence enough to believe in anyone stopping him.
Peace and forgiveness isn’t a concept he’s all too aware of I think. He’s capable of it and even prefers it, absolutely, but he’s so quick to accept violence and getting revenge that I’m guessing he’s been hounded by the same people in his past over and over and being told to not fight back never solved anything. But fighting back does. Fighting back makes other people afraid. And I think he likes people being afraid of him. It’s safe.
I think its very easy to overlook P2 sometimes from a psychological standpoint simply because he’s very good as masking how he really feels. And he’s very good at painting himself as just a nutjob everyman who responds to every situation however he wants. But its never really been explained why. And I don’t think its just taking too much bullshit and snapping. He’s done this before, just perhaps to less of a degree than the week in Postal 2. Siiiigh my brain suffers from terminal Dude brainrot
#postal#postal dude#postal 2#postal headcanons#ramblings#i could spend all day picking apart the Dudes my god
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Also something ive been stirring on a little but mini headcanon post, what i imagine the main dudes (+ movie dude) wearing besides just Their Fit
I list their time of release since i generally imagine the games take place around the same time (also i dont know brands but like. Assume theyre wearing a knock off if there is any |D)
Postal 1 Dude (1997):
He naturally gravitates towards shirts with longer sleeves, baggy army style pants, and anything that obscures his form more than reveals it. Hes one of the more prone to body issues group out of the dudes, so its just better for his comfort.
Though Postal 1 takes place in 1997, i imagine his fashion sense kind of lags behind the trends for three main reasons: 1) Costs too much to keep up, 2) He legitmately doesnt really understand whats "in" until its already "out", and 3) he tends to buy a lot of his clothes second hand anyways.
Postal 2 Dude (2003):
Postal 2 dude has probably one of the smallest closets out of any dude, hes the kind to wear the same outfit for several days, spending excess money isnt really his thing. (Thats good health pipe money after all.)
What he lacks in amount compared to p1 he makes up for in being more comfortable in his body. Comparatively so at least. He wears a lot of old band t-shirts, tank tops, band shirts turned INTO tank tops. The nicest pair of shorts he owns are those tripp style ones, and thats because he stole them off of a guy who tried to mug him once.
Also yes. He wears those socks AND sandals at the same time.
Postal 3 Dude (2011):
For this one i get to explain how i imagine Postal 3's place in the canon, yay!
So i imagine Postal 3 as sort of an eternal repeating scenario in 2's head for that time in the coma, a sort of never ending adventure in a looping sandbox for p3 until he woke up. And while p3 does get that bonus of wearing whatever he'd like as more of a mental being... It also means he's got eternal 2011 fashion.
He wears a lot of cheesy shirts of the time, probably being one of few Dudes youd ever find in skinny jeans. His clothing choices are a little "douchey" to explain the vibe, but he enjoys it at least. If more so thinking about him showing up around p4's time, he shifts to more of a Step Dad type feel.
Postal 4 Dude (2022):
In a better mental state after divorcing his wife (in a rather.. explosive way and all) and calming down more in his later years, p4 has picked up a very "Fuck it, we ball" approach to fashion. He mixes and matches with little regard for appearance, more so how it feels on him. A lot of his clothes are also thrifted, and he loves picking out the more... interesting ones.
I couldnt find it on the editor i use, but i imagine him and p2 would wear those kind of shirts you find with an airbrushed on copyrighted character and someones name on it. And no, its not even his name.
Postal Movie Dude (2008):
And finally as a little bonus, i imagine movie dude's fashion is one of the more "normal" ones. He does a lot of walking for errands so he tends to pick lighter, more sporty clothes and he trends towards lighter colors.
His fashion is also partially due to Uncle Dave's influence, more 70s inspiration, tiedye shirts, maybe even a bracelet or a necklace from Dave for helping him out here and there.
#postal#postal dude#postal 1#postal 2#postal 3#postal 4#postal movie#thats a lot of dudes#mind you im not a Fashion Expert but maybe that just makes me more qualified to say what these guys wear >>;#postal headcanons
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Hello :D do you have any p1 Dude headcanons?
hi hi.
oh boy, I thought I had a few, but after I sat down to write them just realized I might have a bit too much more than what I’ve expected, haha.
POSTAL 1 DUDE; headcanons
first of all! some headcanons make reference of how he was before the first game, so trying to apply them to the guy who’s terrified, sitting on the floor while hugging his gun would be pretty useless
also, if instead of a hyphen there’s a star it’s to address DID in Dude (I don’t have DID myself and I’m not close to somebody who has DID, all I know is from research I’ve done myself, so if there’s something wrong please tell me.
if you’re not into the DID idea just ignore the stars.
anyway, here we go:
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
— Before what happened in 1997 I think he was still a disaster, but a bit more functional.
I’m not gonna dig a lot into how he was while growing up, but he’s an only child that comes from a christian yet dysfunctional family, so after he finally had enough saved money and the legal age he moved to another city (not Paradise) to start again and never looked back, probably with a bit of help coming from Uncle Dave, the only family member that cared about him.
★ P2’s been with him since he was a kid/pre-teen. P1 doesn’t really knows who or what P2 is and at first is pretty much afraid, thinking he’s a demon of some kind. But after a while and seeing how he stands up for him (when he’s unable to defend himself, make friends, etc) and he’s not really trying to harm him he relaxes for a bit.
— He’s always been pretty much a loner, but not to the point to isolate himself completely. He had a tiny group of friends who were also as “weird” as he was who were also into the alternative/goth subculture. Those were probably the best years of his life.
But still, following the last point, I also think he’s one of those people that when they feel bad they isolate themselves for some time and then come back like nothing happened. It usually worked, until it didn’t.
— I have no idea of where I readed I don’t know if it was the Wiki, TV Tropes, in a reddit comment or somewhere else but I think that during the development of “Postal” the Postal Dude was around 27 years old. I don’t know if it’s true, but I’ll go with that.
And, to add some more flavor, I don’t remember if it was Tumblr or Reddit, but somebody had the headcanon that the 14 of November, the day the first game begins, it’s also the Postal Dude’s birthday.
I can’t remember who had such a good idea but I love it way too much, I love angst with all my heart so now it’s my headcanon too.
(if I see the original headcanon again I’ll give credits to the person)
— [ tw // mentions of drugs ] Definitely smokes both cigarettes and weed, but the last one just from time to time. Has tried acid or mushrooms but rather stick to weed.
He hasn’t done crack or anything too heavy, not before 1997.
— He has little to no idea of how to cook. He can do some basic stuff to survive, and he has tried following a recipe in the past, but it’s definitely not his best . Not like he enjoys it either.
— His body: pretty tall. He has a bit of a complex with his height, finding clothes of his size can be complicated and it’s a bit awkward too.
His body is a bit built (he does some work out because of the idea that somebody can attack him at any moment is enough to make him try to learn some self defense alone in his room). Compared to P2 he's has more corporal mass, but not as much as P3 would have. He's an in between. Not skinny but not fat either.
He’s also pretty pale. Not because he can’t get tanned or anything, but because he would rather go out when the sun is already setting or during night or, in general, prefers to stay at his house.
In general he’s one of those people you see on the street and catch your attention: it’s not always that you see a really tall guy with long ginger hair.
— He doesn’t cut his hair because he likes how it looks on him but also because he’s too lazy (and anxious) to go to a hairdresser. He sometimes cuts it himself, and since he has no idea there have been times it ends up disastrous, but since I think his hair is a bit wavy it doesn’t look really bad.
He also doesn’t maintains it really well, he only uses shampoo and, maybe, one of those 3 in one bottles and that’s all. If it’s really cold he dries it with the hairdryer, but rarely does so.
— His handwriting is HORRIBLE. Not like if it’s like hieroglyphics, you can read it, but it’s just really ugly (the diary/war journal entries is how he writes, but since he was pretty stressed and scared it’s a bit more agitated). Also makes too much pressure, not to the point of ripping of the paper but you can feel it on the other face of the sheet surface if you brush it with your hand.
Likes to write for himself, it’s therapeutic and the best way to cope, the less harmful to himself too.
— Following the last point he also likes to make some doodles, especially when bored. Nothing too serious though, the typical thing you do when you’re in class bored and you only have a pen in hand and a paper. You’ll see plenty of them that decorate his notes and diaries. They’re a bit chaotic, his traces being a bit messy.
— If he was accepted in RWS he might have some knowledge about the videogame industry or related. Not sure of what, probably graduated in some studies about it. Maybe a programmer? I dunno.
— Definitely neurodivergent. Either autistic or ADHD. Or both.
His main interests being weapons, movies and videogames. Predilect genres? Terror and horror. He’s not much of a reader though.
On a side note, easily overwhelmed with people he’s not close with touching him (or in general, he’s not opposed to it but would rather if the other person asked for permission) and large crowds, and the main reason he wears he started wearing sunglasses it’s because sensitivity to bright lights.
Still, he’s undiagnosed so he has no clue why he’s like that and why can’t he be normal, sometimes thinking he’s a bit dramatic. His group of friends also had other neurodivergent people who he could rely on so he didn’t feel that bad after all.
— He hated going to clubs for that same reason, even the more alt ones. Too much noise and people. He probably went there because of his friends and enjoyed it for a little while, but would’ve rather been doing anything else.
★ P2 liked it more than him, so when they made plans with their friends he was the one who was in control most part of the time.
— He’s the kind of person that I think would listen to pretty much everything, but definitely his favorite genre is hard rock and metal and its sub-genres: goth metal, black metal, grunge, industrial, you name it. Maybe nu metal it’s not really his thing.
Still, he jams pretty much everything so you could catch him singing a Spicegirls song and he would deny it with his life.
★ It’s in fact P2 who prefers nu metal and wouldn’t care what he’s listening to. Would probably tease P1 about it though.
P2: “You’re listening to Madonna? I thought you didn’t liked pop”
P1: “...shut it”
p2: “Whatever you say edgelord… "LIKE A VIRGIN JUST, LIKE THE VERY FIRST TIME- ♪"”
— He’s bisexual, but still in the closet and pretty deep in there. He has done a few things with other guys but nothing too serious or further than making out probably. Partly because he has some internalized homophobia from the family he comes from (in himself! would never judge or care is one of his close ones was in the queer community) and because generally he sucks at dating.
★ Again, P2 is more open about it than him, and probably the one who had those interactions with other guys, but since P1 was not really uncomfortable with the subject he never went too far.
P2 tried to talk to him about it, but P1 just refuses.
— Also, how did I forgot to mention this? Religious trauma.
Now, he has a weird relationship with his christianity and beliefs, his morals, and how he views himself since he was teached to be a good christian, and he kinda wants to be good at the eyes of God, but at the same time he’s into too many stuff his parents told him they were satanic and bad. He has mixed emotions about it, it’s like he wants to let it go, but he’s unable to do so.
To him the cross he carries around his neck is not for the aesthetic, but he’s not because he’s a good christian either. And when he’s feeling at his worst? It’s like a dog collar, reminding him how all the trauma his family beliefs have harmed him, but at the same time he cannot let it go for some reason. It’s like an abusive relationship both with himself and with his religion, if he even believes in it. It’s complicated to understand? He’s just as confused as you are.
Maybe the problem it’s not the religion itself, maybe it was his family and now because of them he can’t really feel comfortable praying (even if he sometimes finds himself doing so on the nights of rough days) or having a normal relationship with his christianity. Whatever it is, he’s traumatized.
★ And P2 doesn't helps either. He just does not cares about it and when he sees P1 having a breakdown about it, knowing how hard the subject is for him, just prefers to not to get involved, because, anyways, what can he do to help him? He just does not know either, it’s something he has to resolve himself. He cannot help him in everything.
P1 sometimes has called P2 a demon during his attacks, and even if he just ignores it it’s true that it can get annoying after all the times he has tried to help him, and every time they had a fight about it P1 ended up worse, so P2 decided to not get involved any more time for that too.
— I think he’s both shy and introverted, but don’t misinterpret me; not shy in a cute bean who gets all nervous and blushy. No. More in the staring at the person like if he was a deer in front of the lights of a car type of shyness, trying not to get too nervous, and after a few seconds he responds to whatever that person said or asked, hoping it wasn’t too cringy or awkward. He usually gets like that when he’s interested in a person (doesn’t matter if it’s platonic or romantic) and doesn’t want them to get weirded out by him
More introverted than shy, that’s for sure.
— If he’s having a good day his neutral face just looks tired, in his worst I doubt anybody would be able to get to see him because in those days he locks himself in his house and refuses to go out, but if it’s the case (probably the clerk of a shop because he ran out of food) it’s a mix of anger and fear (mainly due paranoia and hallucinations, trying to put and angry face to make the others don’t bother him).
— He could be INFJ (Ni Fe Ti Se) or INTJ (Ni Te Fi Se). If that was the case I think it would be due to Se grip.
I could go more into details because I really enjoy MBTI and see how its functions work on fictional characters.
★ Not the same as P2 of course, but that's a story for another day.
— Pretty much stoic, but on the inside? A mess of emotions he does not know how to untangle correctly. He can get emotional when he’s alone, but that’s a part nobody would ever see of him. He’s not going to let anybody see him in such a vulnerable and weak state.
— Now, returning to the main point. I could really go into details of what or why I think it could have happened for him to literally go postal, but I think the main point is that he moved to Paradise trying to escape from his life. And you may ask “but you said those were the happiest years of his life!” yep, completely, but there can be a few things that alone could have been bad but tolerable, but too many of them make them unbearable: maybe he distanced himself from his friends, had to move somewhere cheaper because of money, his mental health going downhill, etc.
The thing is, he moved to Paradise, and it was probably his worst mistake.
Uncle Dave lived there, that’s why he chose that city, but even with that he had almost no contact with him besides the first few days? He was on his own, alone again.
— Ironically, I think he actually worked for a post office. It’s the only job he could find.
— Both his physical and mental state got way worse. He’s never been a really healthy person, but still tried to take care of himself at least a bit. Going out only when heavily necessary and, after a while, not even going to work anymore. That's when he really ran out of money and got the terrifying letter: he got evicted of his “safe place”. Was his house even a safe place at this point? He couldn’t feel safe anywhere anymore.
He could have called Uncle Dave, but at this point? He was just so disconnected with reality he didn’t know what to do.
★ P2 saw him fall and had no idea of what to do at this point. He was tired of trying to help him so he just ignored. P1 felt so bad that, even if he find P2 annoying at times it was the last thing he needed, the last familiar thing he had disappeared hurts him to the core.
— [ tw // mentions of self-harm ] Even if writing in his journal really helped him to calm down during bad days it doesn’t mean he didn’t do other more harmful things to himself when he was at his worst. Before moving to Paradise he handled it better, he was able to tone it down pretty much since he moved from his parent’s house, but after everything got so overwhelming again? He doesn’t know any better. And the worst part of it? Finds it both comforting and thinks that he deserves all this suffering. For everything. For moving away from his parents, maybe they were right after all. For being a bad christian, God, if he hasn’t done it already, would probably turn his back the day he has to pass Heaven's gates. For after being so happy and having friends and thinking he was getting better and how he throwed all out the windows. It’s all his fault, and he knows it, but he can’t bring himself to do anything, not even therapy, and cannot call his friends. Nothing. The world’s still going on without him. He just feels like when he was a kid, but worse.
★ And here’s where he appears: the Other Dude (to me not the same as P3). He’s shows him his most intrusive thoughts, those who make him feel sick. OD slowly persuaded him to do horrible things not to himself, but the others. He’s twisted and manipulated everything, every little hope he had. P1 confused P2 with OD at this point, and was the one who made P1 get out of his house after a really long time, but with a gun in his hand, ready to kill everybody who made him feel so miserable and worthless. At this point he’s just gone.
At first, ironically, P2 tried to get in the middle of it, a bit confused of what or who OD was. Why he was so similar to himself? How long has he been there? But even OD persuaded him at some point.
Both P1 and P2 were tired of the way they were living and feeling. So why not change it?
I’m not sure who’s the one who got out of the house ready to cause a massacre, if P1, P2 or OD, but the thing is they all agreed at some point.
— I know this is going to be a bit weird, but I don’t think the whole game stages are real? It sounds weird, but let me explain: you really think a guy who has been locked inside his house for so long, having horrible hallucinations, almost no sleep (and if he had any, probably full of nightmares), not taking care of himself is really going to go too far? It does not matter how many weapons he may carry, it’s practically impossible.
Maybe the first 2 or 3 stages, but not much more before the police/militars/whoever it was got him at some point. The others only happened in his head, his mind going ahead of him, overthinking, and lately, his guilt getting over him.
By this I’m not saying he’s less of a horrible person, he did what he did and it’s sickening, it does not matter how bad he was feeling, killing people who have nothing to do with you and your problems is not the answer. Even if they were the cause, it’s not the solution.
— Leaving aside that all the “Postal” games are usually a parodies of real life and black humor (asides from the first game and “Postal Redux”) and taking it for something more serious, I don’t think “Postal Dude” it’s the name of the Postal Dude.
It was a nickname given both by the survivors of the massacre and the media.
— Also, after what he did he was everywhere. In the newspapers, in the TV, in the radio. That’s how Uncle Dave and the group of friends he had back in the city he lived before found out. But how could he? He was such a nice, quiet guy… he wouldn’t hurt a fly!
His group of friends, who since he moved without saying anything, didn’t pick up their calls and in general ignored them and decided it was for the best to just let it be.
Uncle Dave, on the other side he was worried. What the hell happened during all those years they were separated? It couldn’t be something he decided overnight, there had to be something more, right?
— He got his hair shaved at the asylum. After that he didn’t had it that long in his whole life.
— He got locked in the asylum, and being locked in there, alone again with his thoughts, it was dead of him. Metaphorically speaking.
★ P1 went dormant, refusing to think of what he has done, or at least accepted to do. He couldn't take all that blame, it was impossible. Every time he remembers it he wants to puke. He now really want to be dead. There’s no way he can redeem himself from that, God definitely has abandoned him. OD also disappeared. He just provoked all of this and now what? He accomplished what he wanted, where is he? He bring out the worst part of P1, was he trying to corrupt him and breaking him was not in the plan or was the plan breaking him from the start?
Whatever it was left P2 alone, also feeling guilty of what he has done. He does not feel as bad as P1 but he also cannot feel happy as OD probably feels. What they’ve done it’s horrible, but how OD manipulated them to do it? Even worse. Even for P2 whose morality is more gray-ish than P1s.
He hates it, he’s locked in there with the hallucinations and barely speaks to P1 because he’s completely broken and refuses to do so. Now it’s the other way around. He’s growing resentful to him too for that, they’re both cupid, can he at least make him some company? Like he did when P1 was a child too? It’s unfair.
He has something clear though: if OD ever shows his ass again he will NOT let get on him like he did. And even if he’s annoyed at P1, not even him.
— After some time Uncle Dave brings himself to visit him. At first it was so grim. Dude felt so horrible for his actions he couldn’t bring himself to even look at him, but after some more visits, therapy and meds he started to light up a really tiny bit. It was something.
★ It was not really him, P1 was pretty much not wanting to know anything from the external world, it was P2 who decided to take the lead. P1 didn’t wanted to live anymore? Fine, he would take his chance then. To live the life he never could since he’s always been on P1 mind, rarely being the one in control.
Maybe he was pretending, or maybe he genuinely wanted to get better, but the thing was: he wanted to get out of there, if there was a chance to do so, he would try it. At first do what the workers said, and if that didn’t work he would escape. He does not care. He wants to try to live.
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
okay I got a bit too carried away- I’m sorry-
hope you liked them! I’m not really skilled nor do I have practice when it comes to creating headcanons about characters even if I have a few ideas.
I’m thinking about posting a few more in a future,, but school work is killing me-
#postal#postal 1997#postal dude#postal headcanons#idk#I hope I get him right#honeslty I'm kinda anxious#I kinda want to explore a bit more why he did what he did#and I also crave for dude with an actual stability in his life TuT like if he was in a slice of life anime that nothing too big happens#EDIT: posted this when I was about to go to bed so now I'm doing some corrections#postal dude headcanons
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Postal Doe x F!Reader HC's
(I fell in love with her from the moment I saw a poostall royale playthrough, she's like a smelly ferret to me (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡)
🏷️: SFW & NSFW, Established relationship, Just really deranged topics...
SFW
-Doe is really protective of you, she won't outwardly show it though but you can definitely catch it through her actions (having her arm around you, giving everyone else but you a mean look, ECT)
-She's gross. Super gross. If you're with her you're either gross too or into it. Doe can go like maybe 1 week and a half without a shower, realistically she would only shower more frequently to impress you
-She watches LiveLeak videos for fun and also has a shit ton of gory movies on DVD, if you're into that then she'll always invite you to her trailer to watch some but if you aren't she's cool with watching normal stuff or movies at the nearby theatre
-Doe has the shittiest diet known to earth, if you get with her you'll probably feel real bad and start cooking her homemade meals, a major upgrade from her dollar store tv meals (she thanks you in many ways)
-She likes to sleep a lot, longer than you at least, it gives you the opportunity to tidy up her place and maybe do her laundry. Doe has a knack to neglect herself but you do try convincing her not to.
-Despite being pretty deranged, Doe actually has really decent advice if you're struggling through something. She takes both logic and emotion into consideration and does try supporting you and your decisions
She encourages you if you're prone to have self-esteem issues, she tells you just how wonderful and amazing you are and how she's lucky to have someone like you
-Super big on pet names, she calls you a bunch of random things but her main ones are, "Sweetheart", "Darling", "My Girl"
-She likes showing off her dumb arm tattoo thinking it makes her 10x more badass and cool (it does not)
-Doe has really light green eyes, she's kinda insecure about them so that's why she always wears her signature sunglasses. When she has them off she's always squinting and darting her eyes around, not even trying to make eye contact
-She's a smartass, and pretty sarcastic. Sometimes you can't tell if she's fucking with you or not so 70% you're taking her bait, by the time you figure out her deal you've already spiraled into a dumb meaningless argument,
"You know, sometimes we shouldn't take things for granite"
"...You mean granted?"
"What? What are you talking about I know what I said"
-Something so god awful and traumatizing can happen to her and she'll chalk it up as "just not a good day", Doe frequently comes over to your place with a shit ton of questionable bruises and wounds, you patch her up distraught but she kisses you and strokes your hair telling you not to worry
-She likes popping all your hand and toe joints despite how much it hurts, it's a bonding activity
-Play wrestling with you all the time, either at her trailer or your apartment the bed is gonna need to be refitted, you always get your ass put in a headlock but you're not a sore loser. Afterwards you always tell her she needs to get on WWE ᕙ( : ˘ ∧ ˘ : )ᕗ
-She loves pickles on her burgers, if you hate them and make it known sometimes she eats like 5 of them at once and french kisses you with the pickle flavor on her tongue, it makes you gag so bad but she cackles like it's the funniest thing ever. If you do love pickles though then she gives most of hers to you (she's such a good gf)
-Doe is definitely taller than you, her boots just add more to her ridiculous height, she likes to carry you and give you piggyback rides...it's fun until she trips and lands face first on the floor with you (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)
-When you tell her she kinda looks like that one chick from resident evil she either has passionate sex with you or beats you to a bloody pulp no in between (she's crazy)
NSFW
-Doe is definitely into public humiliation, she'll touch you whenever she wants wherever... your reactions and sounds are really cute to her and she'd want to elicit more from you. One day she gets you to wear vibrating panties, it was probably one of the most exciting days of your life
-Shes willing to kill anyone you want gone, of course she wouldn't go crazy or anything but if there's a coworker at your job you've been complaining about for ages she'll ask you if you want them to "disappear" for good. You're well aware that this woman needs to be in an institution but it just makes her sexier
-Doe has a good gun collection, and a gun kink. If you're into it and down to try she'll fuck you with the barrel of her favorite handgun, threatening to pull the trigger and make a fucking mess that you'll be alive long enough to feel and witness
-She's down to try anything. Like, anything. If you have a kink you want to do 9 times out of 10 she's willing to try it out, anything for her sweetheart
-Piss kink. Did you seriously expect any less? The 3rd time she went down on you it was crazy, you begged her that you had to go to the bathroom but it just encouraged her to hold you down by the thighs and coax the piss out of your overstimulated cunt, she made sure not to spill a drop as you bucked and whined against her relentless mouth
-Doe has way too many toys, some you're pretty sure you haven't seen ever in your life... she'd rather blow her paycheck on something crazy she found on Reddit rather than groceries (you give her a bunch of shit once you find out)
ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
Hope you guys enjoyed, not enough people make content about this crazy doe...she deserves love too (人*´∀｀)｡*ﾟ+ .... Definitely not done with her, planning to make an X reader drabble eventually
#i heart women#poostall royale#postal#postal doe#postal doe x reader#postal headcanons#postal x reader
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Postal Headcanons:
P1 Dude has shoulder-length hair. It's really messy because he doesn't know how to cut it, Brush it or wash it.
When he's with the other dudes, he's really silent and rarely even talks, but at home he always talks to himself or to champ.
He falls asleep crying sometimes.
Everytime a parade goes infront of his house, he starts covering his ears and just screams "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP, PLEASE! SHUT UP!!" And starts crying because of his trauma.
P2 Dude is an animal lover. If he finds a deadly scorpion or any rabid creature he brings it home and just asks his dad or his wife if he can keep it. He found Champ the same way.
P3 Dude doesn't know how to express his love towards his partner so he either flirts with them or just holds their hand or grabs their waist and hugs them close.
if P4 Dude stumbles upon a lost kid somewhere, he keeps looking for the kid's parents until they show up. But Meanwhile they are searching for the parents, P4 acts like if the child was his own and tries to make the kid as happy as he can. He's the sweet uncle type, you know?
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i like to think p1 dude has a pet axolotl that he bought from a pet store that was closing and offering extreme discounts on fish and stuff :]
#postal#postal 1997#postal 1#postal headcanons#headcanons#postal 1 dude#urge to draw this#maybe just maybe it will get attention.... maybe...
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y'all ever think about them and feel a little warm and runny inside
#postal dude#postal fanart#champ the dog#postal 2#running with scissors#my personal headcanons are that dude picked champ off from the street when he was a stray pup who got abandoned for being too aggressive#and at first taking care of a young pup is obviously difficult with how many times dude got shitted and peed on by champ but it also become#a test for his patience#this is very applicable to pacifist dude okay . ty for coming to my ted talk (taps mic into an empty room)#i have more in my head but that's for another day
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From the journals of the late Prince Absolver:
I can now say with utmost certainty that a firescales's inner blaze gives their scales that blistering brightness. Witnessing Jailbirds physical degradation over the ten years of having her is more than enough proof that the inner blaze is linked to not only appearance but general health and wellbeing: The worse the dragons health and wellbeing is, the weaker their temperature. (And the duller their appearance, and so forth)
To corroborate above points refer to smelting records and compare the melting times of ten tons of iron from 4562 PS to 4572 PS.
She no longer even turns to look at me
The current location of this firescales is unknown
- Rainwing Emissary Mangosteen
#as i like to call it: the Crimson to Jailbird pipeline#wings of fire#wof#wings of fire design#wings of fire oc#wof oc#skywing#skywing wof#firescales#wof firescales#wings of fire art#fridge draws#crimson#jailbird#fpc#the flying postal company#worldbuilding#wof worldbuilding#wof headcanons
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dude headcanons?
- P2 is the shortest of the Dudes (6'2)
- P3 is the tallest (6'8)
- P3 is also the token cis man of the group
- Champ acts as a service dog for P1
- P1’s least favorite texture is velvet, he will gag if he touches it
- Speaking of sensory issues, none of the Dudes are neurotypical
I genuinely can't think of more right now, brain fog's a bitch
#these are all entirely canon#my source?#I am P2#/hj#fr though these are just source memories#which I guess count as headcanons in a way#postal 1#postal 2#postal 3#postal game#postal#postal dude#reply
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I cannot sleep and having postal brain rot 🫶
Postal 1 Dude Boyfriend Headcanons
• Homie has been living alone with his borderline psychopathic thoughts since he was about 19, absolutely 0 social skills. But he kinda likes it like that, although it’s not good for him, but when has anyone ever liked what’s good for them???
• It was a miracle that you ever saw him to begin with. This man hasn’t left his run down home in 3 weeks and you just so happened to catch him at the grocery store buying ‘supplies’ as he calls it. You had helped him find a certain canned item (he doesn’t eat a lot so he needs something that will last for a while) and also helped him at the check out.
• Romantic love is a very foreign concept to him. As someone who doesn’t feel a lot of emotions other than fear and confusion, anything that makes him happy is something he so desperately wants to keep around. So meeting you was like a breath of relief
• It’s very hard for him to understand what he’s feeling, the constant mood swings don’t help either. One minute he’s spiraling downward, but when he thinks of you, he’s suddenly overwhelmed with this warm comforting feeling. For a while he’s convinced you must’ve put a spell on him, before you finally visit his house
• Champ, his baby boy, immediately takes a liking to you, his strong tail hitting against and knocking things over around him as he approaches you to give you sloppy kisses. Since Champ is sort of like a emotional support dog, Dude trust his judgement which ultimately leads him to be more comfortable around you
• It takes a longgggg time before Dude even thinks about getting into a relationship with you. He’s never felt this way about someone and it terrifies him. Being anti social and all makes him very skittish, so you’ll have to ease him into such a intimate relationship
• As the relationship progresses, you really start to see why no one ever talks to him. He’s weird. Like, he has a concerningly large dead animal collect, even feeding them to Champ if his food gets too low and Dude is too paranoid to leave the house. Dude also has a large weapons collection with some military grade stuff. Not to mention his expansive knowledge of the human body after death and the various ways to skin various animals (and humans, but he hasn’t told you that yet)
• Since this whole relationship thing is new to Dude, he has no idea what to do or how to do it. He never plans dates, doesn’t give you any big gifts, and hardly ever says “I love you”. Although he does love to have you around and hold you when he’s comfortable enough with it.
• The amount of illness this guy has baffles you. It’s like he’s nothing but a sick mind and weak mindset. Good luck trying to give him any sort of medication, he will run away and lock himself in the bathroom with Champ. Fully believes that any sort of pill will make ‘corrupt’ him, especially if it’s from a pharmacy.
• Having to deal with this guy during any sort of episode is EXHAUSTING. Yes you love him, but everyone has their limits. His schizophrenic episodes are the worst of them. They usually force him into a paranoid and clouded state, his mood becoming fragile and his actions more aggressive. Usually during these episodes he believes that there are people out to hurt him, to kill him, so he has to kill them first. It’s a doozy and a half trying to stabilize Dude, desperately trying to tell him he’s safe in a his home and getting Champ to sit with him.
• It’s very hard to get Dude outside of his house. His paranoia always gets the best of him and drives him right back inside the familiarity of his run down walls. Wanna go for a walk around the city to bond with him more? Good luck with that. Wanna go grocery shopping with him because he’s been living off the same can of peas for 3 days now? He’d rather starve. Wanna go shopping for his wardrobe? He has enough clothes. Although you could probably lure him out with the promise of bone hunting with him in the local forest area.
• There aren’t many dates with Dude. The entire relationship is mainly just you two relaxing on his couch watching tv. Of course y’all still do ‘fun’ things like playing board games and helping him clean up around his house, but it’s mostly just sitting in peace with him. It may not seem like a lot to you, but to him it’s the most calm and relaxed he’s been in years
• Dude doesn’t give many gifts, but he likes to give you little wooden figures he’s made. Living alone for years and having nothing but free time really gives you the ability to learn a new skill. He took up widdling and wood carving as a hobby to make hard chew toys for Champ since those rubber bones never lasted and the real bones were too expensive. Dude will give you little shiny rocks he found around the house too. He’s kinda like a crow, shiny attractive
• Trying to cuddle or hug Dude is a task. Due to his childhood, he thinks anytime someone is going to touch him it’s gonna hurt. You’re gonna have to ask him, and then slowly reach out for him. Any sudden movements will make him nervous
• Despite all these bad traits, he’s rather clingy and possessive of you. Sure he doesn’t want you to touch him a lot, but he still wants you around. Just having you in his house is like having his own personal angel. Anytime you want to leave he gets incredibly sad and starts to make up excuses of why you can’t leave. “The evil ones, they’ll hurt you if you step foot out there! Stay here with me, where it’s safe.“
ok that’s all I can think of I sleep now
#postal#p1 dude#running with scissors#postal x reader#postal 1 x reader#x reader#postal x male reader#postal Headcanons#headcanon
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Postal 1 Dude x Reader headcanons part 2
- Kisses the back of your neck a lot, usually when you’re doing something or in your own world
- He does it to remind you he’s there
- Tries to get your attention a lot, he’s pretty insecure sometimes
- LOVES to praise and be praised, especially the latter (Again, he’s pretty insecure)
- He usually finds someway to touch you, like playing with your hair or holding your hand
- Gets jealous REALLY easily, but he’s gotten good at hiding it
- He doesn’t try to separate you from others, but he does make up excuses for you to spend time together
- He’ll pretend to be sick to get your attention, nine times out of ten he’s healthy, he just wants to give you a reason to take care of him
- On a related note, he will take care of you when you’re sick, but he gets really paranoid that it’s the worst case scenario, so he’ll be extremely attentive to you. He doesn’t care that he might catch what you have, he’ll cuddle up in bed with you because he’s paranoid about something happening to you.
- Will most definitely kill for you if he hasn’t already. You might not want him to but he doesn’t really care. His philosophy is “No one hurts my soulmate, no one.” You might never find out if he does, he’s good at hiding things.
#snowysfics#yeah random comeback I know#postal dude#postal 1 dude#postal dude x reader#postal 1#postal 1997#headcanons
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I can’t,,, see P1 dude going to college. I think he would have barely scraped by high school with his mental health issues and aside from his small interest in history and science I don’t think he’d really find any course worth doing for three years, plus with his homelife situation being not the best the funds just wouldn’t be available for him.
Finds it easier just picking up jobs, hopping around retail and bar jobs, at one point he manages to work in a alternative nightclub and that’s how he finds his social life for a couple years with the goths/punks during the 90s. They love his trench coat and he’s just happy to be treated kindly for once, though he doesn’t last very long due to sensory issues and his temper with customers.
Somehow manages a job at the local library/bookstore and he’s sooo happy about it, he starts being a bit of a bookworm, and he’s excited when he finds books on conspiracy theories and UFOs and shit like that. His few friends still stick by him, they sometimes convince him to come along on nights out to varying degrees of success.
It doesn’t last though because his mental health starts tanking when his schizophrenia begins to manifest along with the death of his (step)father and his mother casting him out of her life. Uses his obsessions to comfort him, gains access to chat messaging forums and boy that does not help him At All. Start of his paranoia and gradual shut off to society, as well as his hoarding of guns. From the outside its like he’s just disappeared from everyone’s life. For him its the start of everything changing.
These are just ideas I’m toying with, not sure if I’ll stick with them or not :p
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Hiii it's morning and time for more postal 1 dude idea vomit <3
This one is much more headcanon territory, treading and elaborating on old ground, so forgive me if some of it sounds a bit like repetition. I'm mainly going over stuff like his thought process, morality, and some family stuff! Also, sorry for the awkward wording cause i wrote most of this while i was trying to sleep. |D
Dudes sense of morality is very strange because he esentially had to make it himself based off of learned experience. Growing up undiagnosed and gullible with a overly prideful mother and an apathetic father divided meant neither instilled particularly strong values in him.
Instead he had to learn from his peers, whatever bits and pieces of influence he could get from family, things he got punished for, and just pure lived experience with all the confirmation bias and incorrect conclusions that comes from it.
There is an Uncle Dave equivalent in my headcanon idea of Postal 1. However, with the tone difference, he's a little different. A relative from Dude's mother's side, he's part of a similarly extreme view of God in a similar tone to Postal 2 Dave (God is good, guns are good, god gives us guns, those who dont want us to have guns are bad and against god) though he hasn't gone full compound. He probably goes more by David, but lets Dude call him Uncle Dave.
He's probably one of the people who were the most kind to Dude, but due to his extremist views and awkwardness, truly speaking and relating to him, it led to some bad influence. I think he would have tried to write to or see Dude once before when he got the insanity verdict, but gave up and was unable to face him with the feeling of guilt for not "seeing it coming".
Dude's view of God in general as a figure is complicated, being given three contradictory accounts from his family.
To his mother, God was to be listened to, never to be questioned. His judgment was always what was right, even if it was cruel, as they must have deserved it in some way. He was the judge of all men, and whatever sentencing he gave was final, no matter how inconsequential the "crime" was.
To his father, God was a cruel bastard who threw you out to the wolves, made you figure things out on your own, and never was there for you when you needed him. He was no better than any man on earth and deserved to be questioned and derided for his poor judgments as well.
And to Uncle Dave, God was benevolent, kind, and always watching over his children. Always there to listen, there to answer your prayer, and always there to see when you were acting up. So Dude had better watch his back unless he wanted to have a lot to answer for at the pearly gates.
Dave had likely meant it in a more joking manner to get his nephew to stay out of trouble, but the image of God as a constant surveying force burrowed itself in pretty deep in Dude.
Along with conflicting ideas about God, he has his own strangely built idea of trust from life, mainly related to people. Having grown up different neurologically and physically from his peers, even on a smaller scale when he was young, wasn't easy. He was subject to teasing and bullying at a young age, beginning a lifelong alienation from his peers that lead to his unfortunate fate.
Because he never could trust those who looked nice to not be talking behind his back, it lead him to have an instilled distrust of anything conventionally "kind" or "pretty", associating those things with people trying to hide their true nasty nature. He wasn't mean to others because of it or even really hated them for it, it just made him very distrusting, as if he was bracing himself for a rug pull or being dropped. It caused his guard to rise more, feeling like they were trying to compensate for something and catch him off guard.
This instilled distrust of the "normal" in life also carried onto his life outside of school, from things like advertisements with happy smiling people on them (especially ones that looked at the camera), traditionally loved animals like golden retrievers or butterflies, others with almost condescending tones, and homes that felt a little too nice. When at the peak of his paranoid state, just seeing normal people walking around or talking made him start to worry.
In reverse, however, he's less scared of the uncanny, the "if X is true, then there's the opposite Y" mindset he built meant anything strange was just being honest. Plus while he doesn't think about it purposefully, he thinks of them as being similar to him, sort of underdogs and scary for the "normal" ones. To him, if they display their unsettling part on the outside, there can't be much of any on the inside, whether that be something simple like goth people (I like to imagine him adopting the look when he's more comfortable with himself, sort of a reverse where the more goth he is the happier he is and the more casual he is the opposite follows) to outright horror figures being slightly comforting.
P1 Dude's mindset is paradoxically very complex and incredibly simple.
He knows plenty of strategic ideas, writing techniques, big words, and bits and pieces of his past school life still stick with him. He tends to think very deeply about things he does, about life around him, stories, and even more philosophical ideas. Some of it he writes down, and some he lets go. He also enjoys learning new things and sharing those things he learns, even if he does so a little strongly.
Dude does at least try to keep himself somewhat grounded in his thinking, mostly to keep himself from getting trapped in any harmful thinking, hurting the innocent (as far as he can when he's not deep in a bad mindset), and giving too much time to more "out there" conspiracy stuff akin to faked moon landings, aliens, cryptids, or the typical "(insert group of people) caused everything bad ever" ideas, but he tends to get caught in a loop in his thoughts.
He worries about something, because he worries about it that something comes to fruition, that fruition leads to a reinforcement of the idea, and that reinforcing leads back into worrying. It's an awful cycle, and with no real learned way to cope, it only got worse and worse with age. When he's allowed to think, it rarely stops, and though he is self aware at moments, he has no way to correct the behavior.
He's also incredibly prone to a black-and-white idea of the basics of life. Good people and bad, there is no identity behind them, but they're incredibly concrete ideas to him. Some people protect and some people hurt, and he is meant to protect others, at any cost. He has problems handling the idea of a grey, the idea that most things in life aren't binary. It scares him, the idea he can't do good for everyone, and that even if he tried there will still be those who are hurt or unhappy.
A lot of his self-worth was built on the idea of what he did for others, getting good grades, being kind, never complaining, and doing what was expected of him, but when he wasn't able to keep that up his world crumbled below him and no matter what he did he only ended up falling further. Even during that horrific survival state, he had the base idea of keeping those outside safe, deciding he had to handle the infected police force and act as the one to take those suffering out of their misery. It's both selfish and selfless in a way. He wants to do good for others and save everyone but also decides he is the one who gets to decide the fate of those around him to do so.
Part of the simplicity is that "if X then Y" thinking, following almost a rudimentary idea of justification and reasoning. The biggest part of it is him in the moment of combat, focusing on trying to keep himself alive to continue the fight, and it still lingers in the moments in between when he hides in the woods or in abandoned buildings to patch himself up. If he keeps at it he'll have to find a conclusion, there has to be a reason for the wrong, and if there is a source he has to be able to end it, however even before he was still a victim to it, if I do what others want then I'm doing good, if I look normal people will like me, if people like me they won't hurt me anymore, if I become what they want then I'll truly be loved.
It's just not how the world works, no matter how much he wants it to be true.
#postal 1#postal dude#postal#postal headcanons#my relationship with P1 dude is omg i love you so much youre so cute omg anyways time to deeply analyze your flawed thinking <3<3<3<3#like yeah ill write up a whole post about how i think he has a very surface level view of morality. and then ill give him a little kiss 💋#thank you that one autocorrect thing my phone installed on an update for fixing it up a bit <3
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