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#and think 'should I try to get some sort of diagnosis?'

payasita · 7 months

Note

Good job getting ADHD medication! I’m so proud of you :D

thanks so so much im very happy and so hopeful for the first time maybe ever but also it TOOK ME LIKE. A YEAR. A YEAR.

like yall for real?? for real. for real i have been diagnosed since i was like six. (funny story my teacher thought i was on the spectrum so my parents get me tested with the nodes and shit and according to mom, who loves this story, my neurologist did all that and talked to me and then just turned to my mom and went "she's not autistic. she just hates the other kids" but they DID find an adhd diagnosis in there so net win for all of us)

diagnosed since i was SIX. on stimulants until i turned 8, and you know why i got off em? my pediatrician retired. we could not find another who would take our low-income insurance. so i just had to rawdog The Rest Of My Fucking Life. diagnosed when i was six. legally neurodivergent for 20 slutty slutty angry years.

and it still took me like. a few months to get a psych appointment. a few weeks to reaffirm my diagnosis as an adult. a few more weeks for another appointment for meds. he doesnt Want to do meds first, because i must have been doing fine without them if its been two decades, right? i got a job and a car and everything. well gee fuckin shittickers Dr. Brain Guy, just WHAT was my alternative? would you prefer i be maladapted to the point of incapacitation; is that what it takes for someone to be considered? i cheated my way through school. every day after work i sit for an hour in my car because i dont have the executive function to stand up and walk the ten steps to my house. garbage just appears around me. i have three empty bags of hot chip and two cans of sprite on my desk as we speak, neither from today. at that point i hadnt had a debit card for six months because that would have required me to Drive To The Bank, a location that was new to me in this area, so i just did everything on credit. is this all normal? is this fine? am i GOOD, actually, Dr. WeirdBrain?

so we cordially agree that yes i should probably be medicated. i want to do a stimulant. he does not want to put me on a stimulant. "stimulants can mess with your heart," he says, "and you're young, you don't want heart problems." i say ok because i dont want to make him think im just looking for narcotics. even though i am. because they WORK. i agree to try some kind of antidepressant.

the antidepressant gives me tachycardia. i go to the emergency room after reading a heartbeat of, oh, 140 bpm, which is about like double what it normally is and juuuust below the You Are Having A Heart Attack threshold. i get to the ER and the doctor there is very obviously convinced i'm a local addict having some sort of episode. it is the most ironic experience i've had all year and i feel an abrupt and all consuming kinship with those birds in australia that will swoop you and peck at your face for seemingly no good reason.

so yeah, we narrow it down to the antidepressant. as it turns out, these particular meds are known to, semi-commonly, Mess With Your Heart. i have my next appointment with my psych and somehow refrain from pecking his eyes out. he puts me on a noreprinephrine inhibitor(iirc) that isnt actually FDA approved to treat ADHD specifically(i DEFINITELY rc) but it IS given to smokers to help them quit. i dont smoke. i may very well fucking start before this whole ordeal is at the point where someone listens to me

it obviously does a combined total of jack and shit, and the man waffles with this one because he has "had success" using it as treatment for other ADHD patients. he ups the dose. twice. three months on the smoker meds, which are also apparently notorious for destroying your appetite, but they didnt even do THAT. no change to the average amount of hot chip on my desk.

he wants to try quelbree after that. i finally tell him i'm tired of this shit and would like to have more than two hours of usable daylight to function before it all falls to uncontrollable youtube shorts binges and a daily experience i like to call The Weighted Nothings and i would very much like to PLEASE. TRY A STIMULANT.

he's been friendly enough with me over these past four or five or whatever months but at this he gets suddenly very very business-baseline. gives me the whole spiel about the north american shortage. gives me a spiel about how i absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, lose or sell this medication, because they will not refill it if i do. i am sitting here wondering if he he's telling the truth about having other ADHD patients at all like ever in his career, and also, am i nuts or should the "don't sell your prescription drugs" bit apply to EVERYTHING? i dont fuckin know man i just live here

he says he wants a urine test first. its scheduled for two weeks out. i take it.

"hey uh, your piss came back with cannabis in it" "well it'd be weirder if it didn't, we are in california and i am a kitchen manager" "you can't have weed if you want adderall" "fine i'll stop" "we'll schedule you another test in a month" "aight bet" it didnt go exactly like that but this is kind of what the vibe between us has devolved into by this point.

anyway i wait a month and get a good grade in piss. i get the meds prescribed. i go to fill out the prescription

all i really need to say to you are the words "prior authorization error" for most of you to get what happened next.

the psych isnt even aware. i wait another month for our next meeting, which was yesterday. i do not yell at him. he tells me to take it up with the pharmacy, and yell at them. i am going to yell at them.

so i go, and guess what, it actually went through a while ago! NO ONE TOLD ME OR DR. FEEL-BAD OVER HERE. but we can't fill it right now because its a controlled substance so come back in a few hours. hey it's ready where the hell are you? TAKE YOUR METH AND GET OUT

anyway i started it today, reorganized my pantry, and fixed the fire alarm in my hallway that's been chirping at me for a week. i no longer have to wear earplugs to bed.

and with my newfound executive function superpowers, i will be spraying my weed-free piss all over Reagan's grave.

#personal #anyway thanks for the kind words anon #i am going to go lie down #ADHD #long post

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craycraybluejay · 3 months

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apparently it is morally wrong to have a crush/sexual feelings for anyone in general. Like. the whole 'dont sexualize literal people ewwww.' i really really wish less teens were on the internet because of this kind of stuff. we are mass-producing mental illness and i am not kidding.

like imagine being 15, having a crush on someone in your class, going on the internet, and being bombarded with all sorts of people saying its wrong to experience sexual thoughts towards people in your peer group. its wrong for adults to have sexual thoughts about other adults. its even more wrong for you, a teen, to have sexual thoughts about your classmates.

you are 16 now and very lucky to be in therapy with a well off enough family. you confess to your therapist how evil you are for wanting to touch or look at that one girl in your class. she looks at you with confusion, like how your mother looks at you when you ask her why you have a computer and your friend doesn't. why is it fair. everyone's confused about you and you are confused too. you're evil, you must be, because you have dirty disgusting feelings. you deserve to be mocked online, says dogluvr15089. you're an evil monster, says @Official Priest of West California. you're a pervert and sexual predator, says fandom_m0m321. they have stupid names and no faces-- but if all of them are saying it then it must have some truth to it, right? your therapist is saying something but you don't hear her, you're in your head wondering if you should punish yourself, how you should punish yourself. when you're back in the room with her you ask her what's wrong with you. she writes you a diagnosis for ocd and anxiety. you take the drugs, like the good, righteous, pure teenager you want to be. they make you feel weirdly empty, and not very hungry, and kinda sleepy. they might give you dementia in your 50s but who cares. you deserve it for being gross. you look through the comments even on other people's stuff, the comments telling them the same thing you were told. you're still punishing yourself for natural feelings-- seeking out the same degrading bullying when you don't get enough of it. you don't tell your therapist you are doing this; because you know she would tell you to stop and you don't want to stop. it's a compulsion. you talked about those last Tuesday.

you're 17. you haven't asked anyone out. by some miracle, a girl who likes you takes the initiative. you stumble through the date awkwardly and anxiously, trying not to touch her, flinching away when your fingers brush over a cheap burger. she asks if you're okay, and then asks, "don't you like me?" She asks, "why do you look like you're scared of me or something?" You stay silent. But then when it happens again, she gets up to leave and the rejection causes the dam to break. You try not to cry, because that's Emotional Manipulation. You choose your words carefully, because you don't want to accidentally Gaslight her like the evil thing you are. You stumble through it but you tell her you're sorry, you tell her you've never had the chance to date. You tell her, shaking like a leaf, like a dumb idiot, that you really really like her and she's very pretty and you're scared to say Hot or Sexy so you don't. And you tell her you're scared. You're really scared she'll see you're a bad person and leave you for someone more pure and good. You try really hard to phrase it like a PR team would. She tells you that's ridiculous, laughing like sunshine and kisses and god, sex. But most of all you've never heard someone so flippantly tell you how ridiculous of a notion that is. She makes you feel brave. You tell her what people have been telling you, scared that you're Trauma Bonding her but pushing through. She, with more surprise, again tells you it's ridiculous. She's not laughing anymore, but you want to make her laugh. You ask with a voice too small for your age if its okay you think her laugh is really sexy. She smiles so brightly its blinding, and says she thinks you're sexy too. You hold hands when you leave together. You go on more dates later, and the two of you talk about your problems and your dreams. And she shows you how to yell at "internet dumbasses." And you still go to therapy except this time you think it's working, because this time you Get It. You get it's ridiculous, and you're happy enough to try to heal.

And you know what? You're one of the lucky few that got that chance. Many teens struggle with mental health problems due to the internet. Not all of them are caused by this purity bullshit. Some of it is body image-- accounts that encourage eating disorders and low self-esteem. Some of it is trends and feeling lonely and unlikeable. Social media doesn't just excaberate mental illness. Sometimes it really and truly produces it and this fact needs more awareness.

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

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WIBTA for inviting my cousin to an LGBT meet up?

Cw: mentions of suicide and transphobia

I (18M) am a trans man and my cousin N (21F) is a lesbian who is very masc presenting. We're the only queer cousins in the family (at least in our generation) so weve always been good friends and shes been one of the biggest supporters of my transition, defended me from bigoted family members and always corrected family when they used my deadname/old pronouns. I lowkey hoped she would come out as a trans man or nonbinary as well. We dress in the same style which makes it so when were hanging out together one of us is gonna get misgendered since people asume both of us are trans men or masc girls. When N is the one being misgendered she doesnt bother fighting it since its more trouble than its worth but looking back i think it really annoyed her.

Earlier this year N was severely struggling with her mental health. I apologize for the wording i may have since i dont know the proper terminology for this stuff or any specific disorder diagnosis she may have (other than autism). She was having some sort of manic or depressive episode. She was dead set on pushing people away and making them hate her so she could take her own life without regrets.

I visited N once to give her my support during a struggling time but i stupidly told her there was nothing she could say that would push me away. She told me not to test her but i kept pushing it and i admit what happened next was my fault. She told me in a very cold voice that she was a terf, though that she didnt want me dead but that "we" (im guessing she meant trans ppl) made it so much harder for her to exist(???????). I didnt let her keep talking just and left her room, said my goodbyes to her family and just cried while driving home.

Im still not sure if she meant it or if it was part of her mental episode and just a way for her to hurt me and push me away. On one hand ig it explains some of her behavior? N sometimes complained when she got asked for her pronouns or being misgendered like I mentioned before. On the other hand, I gen do not believe she has been a terf all along esp with how supportive shes been of me. If she was a terf youd think she would try to subtly talk me out of it, but that has never happened. My friends have nicknamed her schrodinger's terf lol

Anyway, i went no contact with N for a few months for my own wellbeing. During this time i heard that she tried to kill herself a few times, which got her into a mental hospital. She was given higher doses of meds and seems to be doing way better.

We had a family reunion this week and i decided to approach her. N seemed a little hesitant to talk to me but stayed polite. I tried testing her and talked about the effects T has been having on me but she acted like she always had and congratulated me and even complimented me on how deep my voice has gotten. I wasnt satisfied cause i wanted an apology for what she had said to me so i pushed it more. She did end up apologzing but it was a very surface level apology. At this point i didnt want to keep pushing in case it set her off again so i just took her apology (plus i wanted my best cousin back) and spent the rest of the day hanging out with her.

On the way home my mom said she was happy me and N had made up and that i should invite her to the lgbt club meetings Ive been going to this year. It seemed like a good idea to me, she lost a few friends during her episode and she could make more queer friends here. If N is trans and just in denial it could help her get the resources she needs to feel comfortable coning out. If N IS a terf maybe having more positive interactions with trans ppl could change her mind on it. Overall i thought it would be a win for her.

I brought it up to my friends and some of them blew up at me. Their argument was that itd be exposing the other trans ppl in the group to a terf and putting them in danger. I truly hadnt considered this angle so im kinda conflicted now. She had never felt like an unsafe person before and now that her episode is over she feels normal again. Even if she is a terf i dont think she could actually cause harm? I want N to get better but i dont want to put my trans friends at risk.

So tumblr, WIBTA for inviting N to my lgbt meet up?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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peggy-sue-reads-a-book · 1 year

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How To Be a Safe Person to Menstruate With

You can be private without expressing disgust. Just step away politely or be honest that you are embarrassed. Neither of these choices shames women.

The reverse is also true. Like I said, just because someone doesn’t want to talk doesn’t mean they’re lame and ashamed.

Compliment girls wearing on their self-expression like red jewelry or watering a Venus flytrap with their menstrual cups.

There are lots of sustainable products now but accessibility is not equal. Not everyone has the water resources to wash reusable products so don’t get preachy.

If you shit on someone else’s choice of birth control, by God I will come for you.

Vote to protect birth control

Do not tell someone they’re gross for using pads and cups that require washing.

If you have found a trustworthy gynecologist, spread the word

If a woman tells you she feels ill, in pain, or like something is wrong believe her

Do not tell her to lose weight or consider therapy. If you do, I will hit you with a fish.

Take hormonal diseases seriously

When someone tells you she has endometriosis, interstitial cystitis, cancer, or PCOS, do not come at her with medical expertise you suddenly think you have.

Offer to buy pads and tampons but make sure to ask what kind — some have allergens.

You can always get someone a glass of water.

If it’s a trans guy you’re talking with, validate his body without treating him like one of the girls. If you don’t know how, just ask.

Do not try to guess if someone is on their period. That’s rude.

I have an alpha period. If we hang out, you will sync to my period and we can all be unhappy together.

If you bleed monthly and are talking to a woman who doesn’t, you aren’t better than her. You define your period. She can define hers.

If someone is confused because she started her period and got a positive pregnancy test, take her to the hospital and defend her with your life. She is miscarrying and needs an ultrasound. If a doctor dismisses her as just having a difficult period, make ape noises and then threaten him with arson.

If after all this you are still angry, DM me his name and I will personally come for revenge. I am pregnant and very powerful.

For that matter, my husband will sort him out for you.

Take black women seriously. Respect that WOC face medical discrimination and gaslighting on the daily.

Advil is valid. Homeopathics are valid. Do not assail your friend with essential oils when she’s asked for a Midol.

If your friend shares some concerning symptoms with you, do not freak her out with an armchair diagnosis.

But you should definitely validate her pain and encourage her to get help. Or even help her get help. Throw her in the car and personally drive her to the doctor.

If your friend confides in you that she has an STI or you are able to guess that she has an STI, be nice to her because if you don’t I will find you and I will yeet you away into the night like Batman.

Educate yourself about periods. Learn the correct anatomical words.

And for God’s sake, you still have to wear a condom.

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wa-kaizen · 2 years

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channeling you and your soulmate | PAC

art credit; tono @/t0no idea credit; my violet @the-wild-candy

this idea does not belong to me but to violet/elly!

I thought it's a beautiful and very sweet idea! i never saw anything like this before so i would like to try it! keep in mind these can be both a platonic or romantic soulmate! if you feel called to multiple don't be afraid to check out each. this will be focused mainly on conversations and the way you two will interact.

with this I will use tarot as a guide not as a base for the reading! so instead of the usual 50%, this one will be 80% intuition, so take it as it resonates.

PAID READINGS ♡ masterlist

꒰ piles ꒱

→ 1 , 2 ,3

→ 4, 5, 6

sections ༉˚

‐ conversations

- moments

- random things that come through

- media that might be relevant - songs/movies/shows -

- things that connect your soul to one another

- your differences & things you share in common

- signs before you two met/will meet

꒰ welcome ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

— have fun!

꒰ pile one ꒱

black and white lady cats on a walk, facing each other

cards the hanged man, queen of pentacles, seven of swords, dove, cow, bear, archangel mary, seraphim seraphina, archangel haniel

cocoon of white light - rest in perfect love, understand oneness, shower of blessing, - open yourself to receive, pay it forward, caring community - participate and belong, enrich your life

↳ ❝ [ conversations ] ¡! ❞

green will be feminine and pink will be masculine.

" Should I get this checked out? " " For the third time I am no- Oh God, that looks ugly as hell "

" If I would be a star among millions of others would you look at me? " " I would search the sky just to find out where you went "

" Why don't you go? " " I want to see your face for a little longer "

" I think I might be bipolar " " babe, we already got the medical diagnosis "

" Hey Stacy- " " I am NOT listening to that joke again "

" Have you ever heard about this theory of- " " Yes, I am listening "

↳ ❝ [ moments ] ¡! ❞

these are visions.

The wind brushes their hair onto their face as they smile at you looking forward yelling cheerful nothing as you are in a good mood causing them into slowly falling in love with you.

Them walking home in the dark, in winter, snow surrounding the street they are walking in, which happens to be small. Warm street light shines on their face when they receive a text from you which will either result in; crying, running to you or feeling loved. The message you will send will depend on how your day will affect you.

Two people dancing to the ketchup song in some sort of gathering in a house, being silly and enjoying their time together. It possibly being morning or night time since both people look comfortable rather than dressed up.

Soup being cooked on a stove, person in charge of cooking making their heart's loved one taste it. - It's a traditional reddish looking dish and has potatos if I might add. -

Laying next to one another, listening to music while sharing earphones/airpods, feminine having eyes closed and relaxing being unaware of masculine watching with adoration in their eyes, full of love. - Hearing dandelions. -

Painting together, cheeks messy from black paint, both holding the same brush while trying to make strokes on a white canvas. - this could be a symbolism for some. -

↳ ❝ [ random ] ¡! ❞

these will be things that could happen to end up being relevant.

greys, sunflower seeds, oversized shirts, a white puppy, 80s, death of loved one, sneakers, a place! a rock in front of a river surrounded by trees but not quite a forest, ants?, culture - you two have different ones most likely -, swimming, live savers, old 2006 camera - grey with stickers, apple stickers?, hay hat, fair?, theme park, 'aim well and win!', the ketchup song - y aserejé-ja-dejé de jebe tu de jebere seibiunouva majavi an de bugui an de güididípi aserejé-ja-de jé -

↳ ❝ [ media ] ¡! ❞

these could happen to end up being things you both love or hate, just anything you could connect over.

mr krabs memes, tiktok, gen z, food accounts - saw girl eating dumplings - , dumb humour - disrespectful at times disgusting, very much gen z humour but not 'quirky' one hidden as secret desires, y'all are just both weird -, gangnam style - ? -, '🐱 clean 🐱 tight 🐱 fresh' - get help /j -, joe jonas - ??? -, disney, stereotyping, social judment, cultural apprication, 'dumb truck', hot in here by nelly, rocks - music & and literal rock -, electric guitar, lot of blacks & neutrals, cold play, 'if happy ever after did exist'

↳ ❝ [ soul connection] ¡! ❞

these could end up being; past life connection, soul family, destiny together, just whatever that relates you two to one another.

You both went through a kind of lesson that have pained your soul a lot in the past, and possibly still affects your trust. This is for sure love related, someone close to you two hurt both of you in ways so similar to each other.

It can be related to friends, parents but for most of you this is a romantic love interest who happened to cheat on you.

For them while this made them more appricative of what they have and may go out of their way to show affection due to trauma, they also have trust issues and might be insecure even though they try to hide it. They are very calm & gentle, their aura is very pure too. While for you this experience made you very paranoid and emotionally aggressive, I can see you accusing them while yelling. This is due to a mis --- understanding. This will be the root of the problem in this relationship. They are the calm and gentle earth while you are the explosive fire capable of destroying it. I know this is a hard to swallow pill for most of you however, for the majority of you the toxic - or hurtful - person in the relationship will in fact be you. Not saying you aren't able to love them, I sense many many love here, however you need to do heavy shadow work to regulate your emotions in a healthy manner.

Trigger warning; Mentions of R4P3

I know, I know, that sounds scary for some of you, but it's fine, it is indeed not for all of you. If you have been betrayed by a friend there's a huge possibility they have been betrayed the same way as you if not the exact same.

That betrayal could have been them sleeping with your ex or crush, them befriending the person who raped you, them hurting a little sibling of yours by bullying them, them disrespecting your mom.

Literally anything you can possibly think of. They have went through the pain you do, and they understand, they want to talk and they know you want to talk as well.

Here, there is no anger, no explosion, just two hurt souls connecting over what was supposed to turn out love yet turned onto a knife in your back.

I got a vision of you two laying on your back, outside while looking up at the sky, talking about all the things you two experienced, shedding tears and talking about how none of you deserved to go through that. - and I agree, you didn't. -

Otherwise, the rest is people who connect over trauma from their parents who were equally bad in raising them. Maybe mental health problems as well.

Such as depression or anxiety. Or who separate ones, who "compliment" one another. - For example, your weakness being their strength and vise visa, thus helping each other grow in specific eras in life. -

What came to my mind upon that is ADHD and Autism, but of course, you should rather take this as an example and not as a fact.

↳ ❝ [ two sides of a coin ] ¡! ❞

You two, to no surprise share a lot in common.

They share your fashion style - although they are more fashionable -, your humour, love language, level of intelligence, societal understanding, morals, political views, joy for things in life and even the things you two hate.

Anything that could be the core of your being.

Your sense of self could be the same, however your nature could be the complete opposites. I would say almost as if you two are twin flames. - Do not take my word for it though. -

They are gentle, sweet, understanding, good with words, charismatic, someone who always has control over their situation.

You are passive, think with your emotions, impulsive, assuming, judging and can misunderstanding situations.

That is of course not the core of your being, but in this reading that's what came through.

It's the sun and moon, bringing out the best of one another.

Nurturing and protect, comfort and bravery.

You might think you are the moon, but in reality they are.

↳ ❝ [ signs ] ¡! ❞

Rocks near rivers and trees, greys, crabs, - old - memes, 'sweets and kisses' - you will know better than me what this means, blues, anime, clouds, soft cybercore, friends, water, swimming, downing - in movie/show -, old music, reggae

Thank you for reading.

꒰ pile two ꒱

ginger cat lady holding an umbrella, girl in blue dress next to her, them holding the hands of multiple young kittens

cards four of wands, five of wands, the sun, panda, ant, llama, archangel muriel, guardian angel, archangel roquiel

listen to your heart - awaken your spirit abilities, tune in infinite, mahatma energy - build your light body, accelerate your ascension, unicorn portal - focus your light, listen for a message

↳ ❝ [ conversations ] ¡! ❞

green will be feminine and pink will be masculine.

" Partners in crime bestie! " " C-Clair/Clarence? Clair/Clarence I am trying to focus "

"Choose th- " " Kisses " " I didn't even finish " " I need a kiss "

" You can be James and I will be Jessie "

" Anyway, and then she slapped him! " " With those nails?! "

Y'all would gossip quite a lot, nothing harmful though.

↳ ❝ [ moments ] ¡! ❞

these are visions

Feminine being speechless, standing and staring at masculine with an open mouth while wearing a brown suit. - No, it does not show what shocked you. -

Shorter person in question crying while looking up at the taller one, wearing a white form of top wear - hoodie, zip up ect - being hurt and mad, being hugged by taller person after a comfort smooch. - Not a sensual kiss, only pureness -

Both people in question laying next to a pool on white beach chairs, feminine in striped - white and blue - bikini and the masculine in black shirt with darker pool shorts. Just vibing.

Feminine playing with a white dog at an open space - those typical chained up dogs who are usually outside -, masculine secretly adoring while drinking soda. - For some of you it will be beer. -

Feminine tracing images on the back of masculine while their shirt is off in a dark room at night as they are drifting off to sleep.

Two people laying on a cold floor, smaller person hugging the arm of the masculine tightly, both sleeping. A very sad atmosphere as you both experienced some kind of loss.

↳ ❝ [ random ] ¡! ❞

these will be things that could happen to end up being relevant.

green, beans, peas, pretzels, bees, breaks, neck, massage, chipped nail polish, blue balloon, 'pretty', safe, ling, boys, animatos, lemons, ping pong, papers, assignments

↳ ❝ [ media ] ¡! ❞

these could happen to end up being things you both love or hate, just anything you could connect over.

Jessie and James from pokemon, games? genshin?, cosmo and wanda, fairies, fairy core, mermaids, law firm, pandas, competitions, baby daddy - sitcom -, vampires, studying ?, hits from the 70s, harry potter books

↳ ❝ [ soul connection] ¡! ❞

these could end up being; past life connection, soul family, destiny together, just whatever that relates you two to one another.

Most of you already know this person and just tried to see how accurate I could get, thus already knowing your connection.

There is some part of you that just know it intuitively, yet won't trust yourselves with it.

This is for those who have no idea, so please listen carefully. You have spent life times together, however not much. It's three, this one being the third of it. So, this far, you have been friendly rivals turned lovers in each.

What I am getting is mostly 1400s and sword fights, so in a past life you two fell in love during a friendly sword fight for sure. Just had to get that out of the way.

So far with each life times your mission is to bring out the best in one another, but in a honest and truthful way without sugar coating anything like most people around the both of you would do so.

The raw and honest truth, without anyone getting offended in the process, it's something very rare and you both know how to communicate perfectly with one another.

That is very rare to experience, especially since most humans have a sensitive ego, but in your case you both can talk honestly with one another without your confidence falling down the drain.

You are both open to criticism without falling a victim to it, without being fragile when hearing certain topics.

You are like two center puzzle pieces, it doesn't make sense until you see the full picture and look between the details.

↳ ❝ [ two sides of a coin ] ¡! ❞

things you have in common and differences!

You share a difference in hobbies, interests, media, bedding?- that's very random but it's what came through, fashion, triggers and needs in conversation

The energies here are very closed off, but you certainly don't differ from one another besides how you treat your own ambitions.

It's the way you treat like rather than core things, which will allow you both to grow and learn, have a wider perspective on things.

↳ ❝ [ signs ] ¡! ❞

whistle, appa - as in, the bison in avatar -, lydia - ? - , snakes, pac man, bread, japanese flood vlogs, anatomy, the word 'why', blood, drawing on skin, white statues, yellow butterflies, caves, random technology glitches

Thank you for reading!

꒰ pile three ꒱

the focus being on a black and white kitten, one sitting on the bed as they are chatting while a third one is sleeping and as a ginger is backfacing them in the dark

cards two of pentacles, ten of wands, the moon, donkey, parrot, giraffe, archangel sammael, archangel sandalphon, archangel chamuel

enlightenment - look from the highest perspective, see the divine in everyone, violet flame - invoke the cosmic diamond violet flame, transmute all that is not love, shower of blessings - open yourself to receive, pay it forward

↳ ❝ [ conversations ] ¡! ❞

green will be feminine and pink will be masculine.

" Does it feel good? " " I mean I never had someone step on my back- "

" Laradidadi~ " " Sing this melody babe~ " " Is that how it goes? " " I have no idea "

" Soobin Soobin do you know- " " Please stop quoting it- " " Do you know Soobin? "

" You know, if we die one day, I want to share my grave with you " " If- ? "

" Do you love me? " " Did you even pay attention to what I just did?- "

" You smell so great " " It's my new perfume! "

↳ ❝ [ moments ] ¡! ❞

these are visions.

Sitting across one another at a small table, head and arms resting on it, looking into each others eyes. This being in a smaller european style kitchen.

Standing in the rain watching as someone lays on asphalt and laying next to them.

Decorating a Christmas tree together in a small apartment.

Sleeping next to each other in a car, blankets wrapped around one another. It's during a stop on a road trip, heads resting on each others shoulder and head.

Tracing things on each others hand while holding each other.

↳ ❝ [ random ] ¡! ❞

these will be things that could happen to end up being relevant.

creation, rainbow bracelet, white, hello kitty, summer hit, 'boho', chains, ice, back cracking, boots, cyber goth fashion, depression, poems, hades, flames, contact lenses, eye drops

↳ ❝ [ media ] ¡! ❞

these could happen to end up being things you both love or hate, just anything you could connect over.

k-pop, hell - the energy drink -, make up, true crime, theories, fairies, dragons, trends - focusing on piercings here -, fashion, design, materialism, memes/quotes, food shows

↳ ❝ [ soul connection] ¡! ❞

these could end up being; past life connection, soul family, destiny together, just whatever that relates you two to one another.

note; someone did definitely drown here, however the situation is different for everyone reading this. the half with thalassophobia is the one who happened to drown in these past life connections.

So, I can see people being confused upon reading the note, or even saying 'but we both have thalassophobia!' - which is the fear of larger bodies of water - and that's okay! There is more than just one things coming through.

I can see specific situations here, I will need you to use your gut and trust yourself to know which one applies to you, alright? You got this.

What I want to get out of the way is that while you are definitely soulmates there was a lot of hate in the past life you two have shared. It's the most recent one for all of you, something went wrong which caused a lot of hate. You two met at a time where you weren't ready yet. In your life time both yours and their mission is to forgive and treat one another nicely, have love and peace in yourselves, be apologetic and gentle to one another.

For a few of you, I can see your soulmate being victims of the titanic. Of course, you were there too. You were saved from dying in the cold water, while you had to watch them drown. You could have helped them, but you simply didn't want to do so, you had no intention of doing it.

There is guilt surrounding this and an apologetic aura, however you were not sad. You didn't love them, thus you didn't save them. You didn't appreciate all the things they did for you in their life towards their death. About two months before their death they fell in love with you.

They were in the process to fix their wrongs and you decided to keep on putting them down.

Now for those who can't relate - which I am sure it's a lot of you - an event similar to this took place for a lot of you. In a forest. Expect, you sat on a rock seeing them drown in the night. There is a lot of fog and it was possibly a full moon, however I do not understand why you watched? Your spirit guides do not want to tell, so try to communicate with them! Though, in the life time you two shared after it, he was the one who watched you drown.

In all of these there is a huge sense of melancholy, emptiness, lack of emotion, but there is one I got which is full of anger.

The one full of anger has zero romantic relations, in each life time you will be born as a family in a way or another.

If you are sensitive please do not read this paragraph! For the ones who feel like this is a family member, you two shared a past life together as a mother and son, in which the son ended up being drowned in a bathtub by the mother due to poor mental health.

I understand this can cause anxiety in some of you, but this life time will be very peaceful, this is for healing and loving one another. I do think that here you will be inseparable and live together in perfect harmony, a one of a kind bond with deep adoration. This is the life time where little to no things will go wrong, the calm after the storm. - yes, after. -

↳ ❝ [ two sides of a coin ] ¡! ❞

things you have in common and differences!

These is not much differences here, you both remind me of the cold wind on a cloudy gloomy afternoon, reflections of each other.

↳ ❝ [ signs ] ¡! ❞

melancholic feeling, a lot of blues and whites, messy hair, old music - 1920 -, france? french?, caffeine, days going by slower, chill air no matter the weather, no energy

Thank you for reading!

꒰ pile four ꒱

ginger cat with three young kittens in front of a cottage

cards the world, knight of cups, two of cups, archangel michael, archangel raguel, archangel charity, bear, llama

open your heart - love yourself, dare to be vulnerable, the freedom of truth, be who you truly are, magical crystal cave - switch on your inner light, bring forward your gifts

note; this pile is the one with the least information, so incase you were drawn to another pile go ahead and read that one as well! This one is very short because the connection is fragile as of now. ♡

↳ ❝ [ conversations ] ¡! ❞

green will be feminine and pink will be masculine.

I am sorry, but nothing comes through here, your spirit guides are very closed off, and the ones of your soulmate even more so. Please look at other piles incase you were drawn to more than one! ♡

↳ ❝ [ moments ] ¡! ❞

these are visions.

a girl on grey carpeted floor lying in black lingerie, recording herself as another person does something funny and both laughing.

two people taking mirror selfies in a public bathroom, but a rather fancy one.

two girls playing on golf grounds, possibly in a - golf - club.

two girls racing to get to talk with someone.

↳ ❝ [ random ] ¡! ❞

these will be things that could happen to end up being relevant.

black, cats, sapphic flag, red lipstick, m&ms, sunglasses, instagram, 2014, tea, air filter, white, acrylic nails, blues and purples, babies, baby powder, carpeted floors

↳ ❝ [ media ] ¡! ❞

these could happen to end up being things you both love or hate, just anything you could connect over.

best friend by doja cat, old money aesthetic, swimming competitions, rom com teen movies, make up brand testing, gossipping - about celebrities-, photoshoots, the kardashians, fake nails, vlogs!, directing

↳ ❝ [ soul connection] ¡! ❞

these could end up being; past life connection, soul family, destiny together, just whatever that relates you two to one another.

Power duooooo!! Go best friends!!! Leo and Capricorn energy!!!! No but for real, regardless of the root of this connection, you will be the bestest of friends.

The closest ones to one another.

Although you two are sharing a life together for the first time, you two are from the same soul family, there is no doubt about it.

You two are very close to one another and definitely understand each other in ways no one else is capable of doing so.

A very beautiful connection.

↳ ❝ [ two sides of a coin ] ¡! ❞

things you have in common and differences!

Not much differences here besides how giving and big your hearts are. You are much more cautious and they are much more empathetic.

↳ ❝ [ signs ] ¡! ❞

money, sugar baby tiktoks but with comedy - ? - , readers posting signs, purples, leds, chilly air/trees being more reactive to wind, white lilies, scooby doo, ice cold water

Thank you for reading.

꒰ pile five ꒱

ginger cat with three kittens holding a lavender umbrella on a flower field.

cards four of wands, nine of wands, seven of wands, hyena, deer, rhinoceros, archangel preminilek, archangel dorenka, archangel hope

oneness - look for the common humanity, invoke lemurian light, cosmic ruby - be a peace ambassador, practice cosmic mastery

↳ ❝ [ conversations ] ¡! ❞

green will be feminine and pink will be masculine.

" What do I remind you of? " " Fire " " Because I am destructive? " " No, you are beautiful, warm and light up my times when there is nothing but dark "

" I am in love with you " " I am in love with you more "

" If we would be a fictional couple, who would we be? " " Eren and Mikasa "

" Who do you love more, me or- " " You. " " But I- " " I don't need to know, the answer is you. "

" Thank you. " " For? " " Just for existing... You know... for being you, being here, without you my life would be hell "

" Sunshine! " " Don't call me that " " Too late, you are my sunshine "

↳ ❝ [ moments ] ¡! ❞

these are visions.

Second to last conversation being as the masculine is drifting off to sleep, eyes already closed, holding the feminine in their arms. Feminine holding back crying, to not wake them as they fall asleep after what they have said.

Both of you spinning in the rain outside of a house, rocks on the ground, not caring at all what anyone has to say. Maybe being barefoot. - I am sensing a spirit guide being mad at me for not telling you to take care of yourself here, lmao. Especially if you are black, an ancestor of yours is telling you to please wear shoes. -

Making desserts together, you making them try out a chocolate melt you have just made. Them frowning and saying it's good even though it's sour.

Two kids playing doctor, a little girl pretending to use tools to open the head of a little boy who calmly snacks on s'mores as none of them is hurt, the parents looking at them in almost horror. - I feel like, for some of you, you will have children together, if not, it will happen with little cousins of yours. -

Laying in a bed together, facing each other and staring onto the eyes of one another while smiling, stroking the cheeks of one another.

Watching netflix together on a couch, holding hands and enjoying the silence in the dark. A comfortable kind of love.

↳ ❝ [ random ] ¡! ❞

these will be things that could happen to end up being relevant.

meditation, bone cracking, yellow, bass music, spotify, the number 9, sharp nails?, braces, mint, lemon, zig zag, hair bands, pretzels, sea salt, nail strengthener, balls - the TOYS -

↳ ❝ [ media ] ¡! ❞

these could happen to end up being things you both love or hate, just anything you could connect over.

You both do not consume enough media for this to be a whole section, the only things coming through are cable tv shows relating to health and arts, possibly some cartoons.

↳ ❝ [ soul connection] ¡! ❞

these could end up being; past life connection, soul family, destiny together, just whatever that relates you two to one another.

Okay so, while I pick up a bit on their energy as well, I pick up more on yours because they are an incredibly closed off person. Very private.

Trigger warning, mentions of sa and trauma

So, what basically, this person has been sent to you by your guides, by the universe. You might at first not trust them because of trauma in your past.

You could have been sexually assaulted or betrayed by someone you deeply loved and trusted which could cause trust issues inside your heart. - which is very valid. -

You could believe - or could have - that they are horrible and will hurt you as well, thus having a hard time opening up your heart and trusting them in a healthy manner, in a moderate amount.

For a lot of you, there was no trust in the beginning at all. - or will be - Which, most highly, your soulmate will be aware of.

Though! They will be very fine with that, as they have a very pure and understanding heart, especially in your situation.

It could be due to them going through something similar, or possibly someone close to them. - this could be a mom or a younger sister. - So they already know how to deal with a situation similar to yours in a lot of aspects.

Though, even if no traumatic events happened around them, they have a very high emotional intelligence and can handle whatever way you react, even if you might think that's not possible due to insecurity and subconscious trauma by how certain people have treated you in the past.

This person is nothing like them and has a very high amount of balance inside themselves, very loving and always does their best to not react in a hurtful manner, rather try to he the best version of themselves.

So, no matter what, they would love you with their whole heart. - just heard 'to the moon and back' -

This will be healing for both of you, but your guides focus on you, because you need to know that there is something amazing is waiting for you. - said with their words. -

This will be very healing for you!! You will feel so so loved in a type of lovely way you have never been loved before. Nothing fragile and very pure intentions, this person just wants the best for you in every way possible.

This connection reminds me of pure white snow, just after it had freshly fallen. A white canvas to start everything over.

It's something that will make you feel like a human again, that will allow you to feel alive without having to worry about basically anything, at all. Where you can just be yourself.

Some of you have been through abusive connections in the past and it has taken a big toll on you. You had to constantly explain yourself, have been controlled, maybe hit even? Not for all of you tho, manipulated and a lot more only you could know about.

It's very understandable that this would make you build your walls up and push others away, which a lot people don't seem to understand.

But they do, and they will. You will have to relearn how to have a healthy relationship again, and it could be hard but they will be very patient with you and understand your heart.

It will go well, maybe even more than just well.

↳ ❝ [ two sides of a coin ] ¡! ❞

things you have in common and differences!

You are the unstable sea, which moves to any difference, who hides many deep things inside themselves and can be destructive or welcoming.

They are the wind that will support you, calm you down but also lift you up. Which will move you in ever way they can, which will support you and never leave your side.

- pisces & libra , cancer and gemini -

↳ ❝ [ signs ] ¡! ❞

white doves, chocolate kisses - the dessert not kissing actual chocolate -, wood door, icey water, water balloon, red nails, the sound of keyboards, sound sensitivity, bubblegums, strawberry flavour, red balloons, dominos

Thank you for reading.

꒰ pile six ꒱

ginger mama cat decorating christmas tree with her young kittens

cards death, the moon, page of wands, kangaroo, rhinoceros, bee, archangel zadkiel, archangel azriel, archangel mariel

creative solutions - think outside of the box, view things from a higher perspective, soul healing - align with your essence, see your true colours, cocoon of white light - rest in perfect love, understand oneness.

↳ ❝ [ conversations ] ¡! ❞

green will be feminine and pink will be masculine.

Nothing is coming through due to your spirit guides not allowing me to tap into your energy, if you are very curious you can always choose another pile or send an ask and I will be answering you privately! - please remember, anons cant be answered privately -

↳ ❝ [ moments ] ¡! ❞

these are visions

I am sorry, but nothing came through here, because you possibly could focus on your feelings more than the possibility of a better future.

Though, you can always try to choose another pile, this one is quite weak!

↳ ❝ [ random ] ¡! ❞

these will be things that could happen to end up being relevant.

Fever, butterfly, 'chapter', chapsticks, dry lips, oil paint, crying while laughing, yoga !!, horror movies, fashion, screaming matches then immediately making up, yellow roses

↳ ❝ [ media ] ¡! ❞

these could happen to end up being things you both love or hate, just anything you could connect over.

so sick by neyo, 'the boy is mine', the boondocks, yoga channels, amazon, 80s shows, make up influencers

↳ ❝ [ soul connection] ¡! ❞

these could end up being; past life connection, soul family, destiny together, just whatever that relates you two to one another.

No, this isn't your ex and that will never work out. You need to do some shadow work because if you keep being stuck up on them, you will never experience real love or a healthy relationship. They are in the past, it's time to accept that. There is a new chapter waiting for you but with the current mentality you posses you will be the problem during each hardship you will have to go through.

You have a hard time accepting this, even though you know it's true.

You keep being stubborn and ignore every sign you get that tells you to move on and healing from that connection.

While your soulmate will help you become a better person, you will either be a blessing or lesson to them, and currently it seems to be the latter. So, for the sake of both of you, work on yourself.

It does not matter if this soulmate in question is a friend or not, it applies all the same.

There is definitely something here you need to let go off, and it's a person. Ex s/o, ex friend, just some kind of ex.

↳ ❝ [ two sides of a coin ] ¡! ❞

things you have in common and differences!

They are much more emotionally aware than you are, but you possess more social intelligence than them.

You two will balance each other out in this aspect.

↳ ❝ [ signs ] ¡! ❞

00s songs, lip gloss, too much notifications, looney tunes, old cartoon network, earpiercings, passing by one another often, leopard print, white & pink & grey

Thank you for reading.

#pac #pick a card #soulmate #romantic #platonic #whichever ngl idc #tarot #astrology #astroblr #tarotblr #so many wands y'all #this was both fun and both draining #hope y'all like it <3

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shrimpathizer · 3 months

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this is just a theory (i haven't looked into this bit that much) but I feel like the reason that misinformation is so wildly rampant in online communities about ADHD (probably also autism) is in part because of how inaccessible actual professional information about it is.

Like, I remember before I got my diagnosis (what started off this whole thing a while back), I was looking at the CDC website description of symptoms of ADHD with my mom and. If you thought you were neurodivergent and were looking at this thing trying to see if you should get tested, its basically saying "screw you. you're either a child who is going to be here because of their parents, or an adult who is also here because of another neurotypical."

one of the criteria was literally "is often 'on the go' acting as if 'driven by a motor.'" that means absolutely nothing. you are using undefined expressions to explain something to someone who historically is not good at understanding unexplained social norms (such as expressions).

plus, its incredibly subjective. "on the go" could mean something wildly different for one person then the next. and "often" could mean "all the time every day" or "only at school" or even "every other week." not to mention the memory issues that at least a lot of the people who I know with ADHD struggle with.

someone who might have ADHD has no way of knowing if they "often have trouble organizing tasks and activities" or if that is a normal amount. there is no way for them to easily know if they "often do not seem to listen when spoken to directly."

so it seems obvious to me, that they would turn to other people with ADHD. and the easiest place to find them these days is online. thats how I started wondering if I should get diagnosed. they're probably trying to find some other way to understand or know. and since its social media and social media is rampant with misinformation, of course they are going to be fed misinformation.

people are going to tell them "you see this weird thing that you do? I do that too. and its actually because of this much larger thing. trust me." and people will. because there really isn't much of another place for them to turn. they are going to self-diagnose with every disorder under the sun to make themselves feel at home and feel like they aren't weird or wrong.

maybe i'm way off here but I think that if you want people (teens in particular) to stop turning to social media for comfort and information, you should give them other resources that are accessible. that they don't have to pay to see, that they can understand clearly, that acknowledges all the weird things that they feel bad about.

and sort of as a side note: i remember in elementary school, early on (this might have just been my school/city/state), the school set up one of those mobile classrooms on the yard and would pull kids out for like a good couple months to do eye exams. because we've normalized that kids also have eye problems and thats normal. and maybe, could we also get a small little assessment. just to see if we can find neurodivergent kids early on and get them help so that they don't suffer for years and years.

and i'm not talking as someone who has had it hard. i have had it so easy compared to so many others. i have supportive parents and get good grades, and yet, i am constantly burnt out. i constantly feel horrible. not just because of depression. maybe i'm being too radical here but i feel like i shouldn't need a 504 plan to say that if i'm having a panic attack i can leave the room. that if i'm having trouble focusing i can go to the library or somewhere else. that i can get extensions on due dates. that i can see a copy of the notes or lesson for reference. i don't know maybe i'm just incredibly radical that i think people shouldn't have to be expected to work four times as hard to get anything done and then get blamed when they don't live up to the expectation. whether or not they are neurodivergent.

#miso speaks #vent post #rant #adhd #adhd things #adhd problems #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #neurodivergence #social media #misinformation #long post

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soo-won · 1 year

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Rereading the beginning of the Eunyung's Home arc right now and yeah...when Eunyung's mom tells him "why don't you just apologize? Why do you bring up the school play event again after so many years?" it really connects with what Eunyung says to Haejoon in ch201, huh. That it would be so nice if he was nice like Haejoon and could accept everything and not be so hung up on things like that. Maybe if he was like Haejoon his relationship with his mother could be better?(I don't think so. but Eunyung maybe does).

But in parallel we also see how this aspect of Eunyung, being hung up on things and staying angry can also be helpful. It's because Eunyung is like that that he doesn't let Haejoon apologize to his mom when he shouldn't have to. It's because he is like that that he makes Haejoon have a medical diagnosis after his homeroom teacher hit him. It's because he is like that the bullying situation in the Marie arc could be resolved as well. As Haejoon says, it's also thanks to Eunyung that he could sort out things with his uncle and receive more allowance. This side of Eunyung that every adults around him try to make him suppress is good and healthy. It's this anger that causes change. It makes things harder for him and it causes more ruckus, sure, but Haejoon's acceptance in these moments is hurtful as well, it doesn't resolve the issue at hand, it just makes him carry all the burden. Haejoon grew up wanting to cause the less problems and worries possible to his mom (and now his uncle) and avoids confrontations with adults as a result (also a direct consequence of when he lost his mother probably), while Eunyung grew up fantasizing about his parents receiving punishments for all their abuse. The consequences were so bad to him when he tried it's the one thing he gave up on though, so it's no surprise he lashes out whenever else he can.

When you think about it it's also connected to their level of trust in adults. Haejoon relatively trusts adults. If you take the New Dorm arc, Haejoon was planning to tell other adults about the situation there, before Eunyung told him not to (pretty violently lol) because he can't trust adults to deal with it or believe them. So Eunyung uses his own way to deal with it and it works! But Haejoon trusts adults to deal with other adults and yeah. That's how it should be and go. But Eunyung presents the "but" of this. That's how it should be, but in some cases it doesn't work because adults are douchebags, and for Eunyung it's the majority of them. Haejoon grew up with a good(even if not perfect) mom getting angry for him so he knows good adults exist. He also was moved by Juwan's mom's kindness as well(even if that makes him embarassed too). Eunyung doesn't, though, so he has to rely on himself and get angry for himself, because otherwise who will?

Writing all this I'm like....yeah No Home is all about balance. Haejoon and Eunyung searching for the right amount of distance and closeness in their relationship. Searching for the balance in their distrust of adults too. Eunyung can't trust adults for very understandable reasons, but the arc with Haejoon's uncle shows us that adults are simply struggling sometimes and trying their best, even if they're clumsy. It's true Haejoon's uncle was drinking, but he's not an irredeemable piece of shit like his father either. But it was a situation where Haejoon couldn't rely on any adults either, after all his uncle is basically his only family left. And that's why Eunyung's point of view was so helpful.

Idk man I just love the hundreds of layers in this manhwa so much. Like it's not just "the best is not to be extreme <3 not too much not too little" it's "sometimes you have no choice but to be too much. Sometimes it's destructive, though. But sometimes it's the only solution. And /sometimes/ you need a bit of the two. Sometimes both solutions work equally well. Sometimes the consequences are bad and sometimes everything ends well" like yeah life really be complicated and unpredictable like that. There isn't one guide to follow and that will work no matter what, you constantly have to adapt to the situations and people around you. Something something Eunyung and his father but if I don't end this post now I never will.

#no home manhwa #txt #ch201 gave me severe no home brainrot im afraid #please read no home if you havent!! i say this every day i know but it's really .so good #i can't put it into words #but it changes your brain chemistry #Wanan the god of storytelling fr #I swear I didn't plan to write so much but I kept having new ideas and new things to say...#So scared to post this in the wild. Afraid to be cringe #But I'm free!!!#This is my default mode btw. I fight constantly the urge to talk non stop like that 7/7 and sometimes i lose.#no home #lumen rants

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system-of-a-feather · 22 days

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Man, this will go a bit into syscourse probably, but I was just watching Monkey Man and it really had me thinking (and internally groaning) about how gender "weirdness" is really something that is not weird at all in a lot of non-white non-european cultures. Shiva in Hinduism is a great example.

It's just when you get weird white people who come in and say "well you see, my understanding of gender is actually correct and the right way to think and talk about gender and I am inherently the most correct and right and smartest way of talking about gender and everyone else is just a cultural / spiritual game and should stay within their culture because its wrong but we 'respect' it and let it be wrong"

And it really got me internally ranting about how honestly - and I was trying to be a bit subtle about this cause I know it'd probably get back lash - but as a person of color from a culture and spirituality / philosophy that has plurality and variants of it normalized - the fact that people claim that the only way a person could experience themselves as more than one being due to trauma really really upsets me, because its a very white / western / european way of thinking about the concept of self, identity, personhood, and the soul.

In some cultures, people are understood as inherently many or inherently parts of a whole. It is just something that is just a part of the culture - may that be subtly and in a non-spoken manner, or in a more direct manner in the way that animism and buddhism talks about it. People can and do experience themselves as more than one and have been doing so since long before people were really aware of what psychology even was.

The fact that people talk about how individuals experience themselves inherently in a white, western, euro-centric cultural perspective that writes off "not identifying as one singular person" as something that HAS to come from trauma just really.... kinda pisses me off.

And if the argument is "well they shouldn't be called a system cause its a totally different thing than what people with DID / OSDD have" like... really, why are we getting so hot and bothered over the fucking word "system" and two... I can't delineate where my DID and my cultural plural-adjacent experiences begin and end. And also three, if we are getting so protective over the word "system" then why aren't we getting mad at the guy who developed IFS too??

It's also just so frustrating that people look at people who identify as more than one and inherently go "oh they are only doing this because they looked at my disorder and said they wanted it" when??? no??? Sure there are some I'm sure, but again, this is something people have been experiencing for centuries - hell more than a millenia.

As someone with DID / OSDD, I get the need for protecting the medical label and the diagnosis and all that because yes, while the psych system sucks, the medical labels are medical to get help, aid, and all sorts of stuff - absolutely.

But going around stating that anyone that experiences themselves as more than one is inherently either traumatized or maliciously lying and trying to actively co-opt a disorder is just.... ugh. Not it.

Please consider that there are other cultures and perspectives to identity, self, and spirit that impact how one identifies and engages with their own existence before you start sounding like a colonizer.

-----

Anti-endos are welcome to respectfully discuss and engage.

Arguments and debates are not welcome and will be blocked.

This is partially me venting about white / western people. Do with this as you will.

#alter: fei #alter: riku #syscourse #syscourse tw #vent #vent tw #pro endo #endo friendly #endo safe

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seidigardensystem · 1 year

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Your Words Matter

Dear Therapists,

I had just logged into a Zoom session for my Diagnosing Pathology class and my cohort was in deep discussion with one particular student as we all waited for our professor. This student in particular was already working in some sort of clinical setting, not yet giving therapy, but a new client profile had come across her desk with a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. She didn’t know much about the diagnosis herself, but she was concerned because her boss said, “Whoa, good luck with that one. Borderlines are very difficult to work with.”

Difficult. It’s not the first time I’ve heard that word. Every time I hear a professional utter the word, “difficult” when referencing a client it stings. Is that how you really see us? As patients/clients that are stuck in a downward spiral whose struggles are too much for you to handle? Don’t you believe in what you do and that there is hope for us?

My heart breaks for whoever this person is that has borderline personality disorder because the cards have been stacked against them before they’ve even gotten started. One of my school assignments required me to write about working with a difficult population and this was my response:

“If we get the idea that a particular diagnosis or population is difficult to work with it feels like we are setting ourselves up for failure. Maybe we will treat them differently or have lower expectations or refuse to work with them because we have a negative perception.”

In 2022, I attended the Healing Together conference hosted by An Infinite Mind in Orlando, Florida. I was sitting in a session where I could hear and learn about lived experiences with dissociation and an excerpt from a book was read aloud as an example of how some clinicians view dissociative identity disorder. The presenter who read the excerpt was sad, the audience was sad, and I felt infuriated. The gist of the excerpt talked about how a clinician should be wary because clients with dissociative identity disorder are difficult to work with and that they bring unsolvable problems to therapy.

Unsolvable problems? Listen, if a client’s problem was easy to solve, they wouldn’t need therapy! Of course we are bringing our unsolvable problems to you. We believe in your ability to help us. We were trusting you enough to share our struggles. When we hear you call us difficult, challenging, resistant, and a myriad of other words, you break our trust and confidence.

My ask of you is that you reframe your perspective of difficult clients. My therapist always says that behavior is communication, so when you find a client’s behavior particularly difficult, ask yourself, “What is my client trying to tell me?” “What does my client need right now?” Seek out peer consultation or supervision without passing judgment on how difficult a client is for you.

I’ve always carried around my own judgment about myself as a client in therapy. I used to tell my therapist, “Thank you for putting up with me” and her response was, “There’s nothing to put up with.” When I had the opportunity to watch her present at a conference once, I went up to her just before it started to tell her she’d do a great job. She just smiled and said, “Everything I’m presenting today, I learned from you.” I thought about that for a long time. Not once, in our years of therapy had she ever shown any indication of frustration, feeling challenged, or felt I was difficult. She simply adapted her interventions as needed.

The NICABM posted back on June 11, 2022 on their Facebook page a quote from Pat Ogden, PhD; “When we call clients resistant or difficult, it’s because our interventions are not working and we feel incompetent.” As clients, we don’t think you’re incompetent. We think there’s something wrong with us and we believe you when we hear you say we’re difficult. So, please, choose carefully. Your words matter.

Sincerely,

A DID Client

References

NICABM. (2022, June 11). What may at first seem like opposition or resistance can often signal a client’s deepest struggles. [Status Update]. [Image attached]. Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/NICABM/photos/10159170676011314

#DID #dissociation #dissociative identity disorder #trauma #mental health #trauma therapy #borderline personality disorder #counseling #healing #talk therapy #complex trauma #ptsd recovery #healing trauma #mental heath awareness

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donniesexceptionalmind · 5 months

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Hello there~ I’m currently in the process of getting diagnosed (or at least checked out for) autism. Also anxiety and adhd, the former I definitely have, and I think I may be some form of AuDHD. My parents were very traditional growing up and my father still thinks being neurodivergent is “bad” and the main emotional manipulation in my relationship with my parents comes from my mom. I came out to them around this time last year as bi and that was an emotional rollercoaster. It took me almost two years of asking to finally get a therapist (after I told my school counselor I was feeling really, really really really bad, and she intervened) and another half year for my therapist to convince my parents to get a diagnosis checkout. I was wondering if you had any tips for autistics (or possible autistics) with non-supportive parents, like subtle ways to stim or deal with meltdowns without getting yelled at,

And my parents aren’t bad all time around— it’s sort of like your relationship with Splinter where you crave his approval more than life but also know he could be a bit of a better dad, except maybe worse bc my parents are like Mother Gothel. Emotional manipulation is… nice

Sorry for the long rant lol— I just went on an hour-long rabbit hole about your tips for autistic peeps and figured I’d try an ask of my own. Have a peaceful day, and remember you’re so amazing! Seriously, I’ve developed so many stims and mannerisms from you and it’s been one of my hyperfixations for months now. I’m rambling now. Ok thanks byeeeeeee! 💜

There's no need to apologise for a long rant! I appreciate the trust & the courage it might have taken to actually reach out! /g YOU ARE VALID.

First:

"Every human, in the entire history of the universe, stims."

So, stim away. If you need it to feel regulated & calm - then DO IT.

Personal note: All stimming behaviours besides harmful stimming should be respected. There should be no right stim or wrong stim. Of course, if a certain stim is hurting another person (say because you are chirping like a bird & it's hurting their ears, then you should stim another way).

STIMMING SHOULD NOT BE FORBIDDEN AS IT IS VITAL FOR THE AUTISTIC PERSON.

Moving on.

Subtle ways to stim:

Tapping your foot/ leg (its a stim many people show when they are nervous, it's "a common behaviour"

Clicking a pen (careful, it can be annoying)

Wiggling your fingers/ toes - I like to call it finger dancing

Tapping your fingers

Soft humming

Chewing gum

Rubbing your hands together (can be seen as a sign of being cold as well)

Fiddling with your clothes

Twirling your hair (if you have long hair) or just touching your hair

Fiddling with a keychain, anxiety ring (those are not pricey & they can help a lot!) or other jewelry

Having a small comfort item with you to touch, maybe a textured stone or a smooth one

There are also many small fidgets which can be hidden in your hand or are very quiet:

Again, the anxiety or fidget ring

Stress balls are always a good option (just don't use the ones with air or orbeez inside, those make noises - I enjoy them)

Marble & Mesh, tangles

Bike chain fidgets

Acupressure rings or bracelets

Moochis (these squishy little animals, things)

Rainbow hedgeballs

A fidget pad (I have one in the shape of a gaming controller, so good) or a fidget cube

A Rubics cube - YES I know, it's a puzzle AND big, but you don't have to solve it (it's easy), just twisting the blocks around can be a good way to stim too. There are also smaller ones available that you can put on a keychain, though I prefer the original

#donnie answers #donnies exceptional mind #donnies special interests #autism #autism awareness #stimming #neurodivergent stuff #autism things #rottmnt autistic donnie #rise autistic donnie #autistic donatello #stimming is normal #neurodiversity

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slightlyaggressiveaffirmations · 1 year

Text

So, Slightly Aggressive Affirmer, what's your whole deal?

Great question, Clive.

(Sorry, I thought you were some sort of chat show host called Clive. Let me readjust my worldview)

Great question, friends. Why did I write Aggressive Affirmations in a consistently reliable, ritual manner for 5 years and then stop doing it and constantly keep coming back and promising to start again and never making good on it?

Well. There are actually 3 answers to that question.

Answer #1

To begin with, let's reposition our worldview - just as we did with Clive. Now, let's change the way we see me, The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer. What if we put a new filter over me - we'll call it the "Autism Filter". I haven't got the money to go through the diagnosis process but it's looking pretty likely.

With that filter on, look again at my being absolutely focused on writing affirmations for 5 years and then stopping to suddenly focus obsessively on my research work for the next 2 or 3 - except for the two months I took off to sit on the porch every single day and write a medieval romance novel.

Now I want to get back into affirming again and I try to - I still feel it's important and I keep saying to myself I'll do it - but I just don't have that obsessive drive to do it anymore.

I think if we look at this with the autism filter, it starts to paint a pretty clear picture of what might be going on here...

Answer #2

It became more and more difficult, and more high stakes to write affirmations, as the number of followers kept growing. There are now 15000 - although who knows how many of you are still on Tumblr? But that's a lot of responsibility and it became very stressful to keep making sure SAAs are for everyone and that no one feels excluded by them (excepting people who should always be excluded, like Nazis). When it was just a few random people reading affirmations, it was much easier to chuck in a few and whatever. But the more the blog grew, the greater the stress.

Answer #3

I started writing Slightly Aggressive Affirmations for myself. I was the only one following the blog and it was set to send ME reminders of my own value - in the kind of aggressive language necessary to get through to me - because I was extremely low on confidence and needed real force to get it in to my head. But then things snowballed.

Thing is - I don't need them any more. It's harder to think of the kinds of things I should write, because I know longer need them myself. I have Slightly Aggressively Affirmed myself to a really great place, in terms of my self confidence and self love. I still have bipolar, and right now my life isn't going so great, so I get depressed but I do not believe fundamentally, at my core, that I am bullshit trash.

My primary emotion nowadays is possibly worse! I'm driven by anger a lot of the time - I've got a lot of deep rage, caused by long ago trauma. (I'm in therapy, don't worry). But I think most people would agree that I'm a fundamentally different person to who I was pre-pandemic. I'll tell you more about it some time. But I am drastically different - and definitely more than SLIGHTLY aggressive most of the time.

In conclusion, I believe affirming used to be an autistic special interest of mine and now it is not - but I'd love to make it one again! Especially now my two-year long, 65 000 word research project is finished. But it's much harder to get back to where I was, because the number of followers I have now is different, Tumblr is different and I am hugely different as a person.

Thankyou for reading this short essay/memoir. I'll see what I can do about a little affirming tomorrow.

Always remember that YOU MATTER!!! YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!! YOU ARE THE ONLY FUCKING YOU IN THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD!!! THINK ABOUT HOW FUCKING MAGICAL THAT IS!!!

#admin note

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bunnyseahorse-blog · 2 months

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I don’t feel like my therapist is listening, so I fired him, and I don't even feel bad.

I have half a dozen serious mental illness diagnosis and medical issues. When I applied for disability I was approved in three months (usually takes longer from what I'm told) and almost immediately moved from their metaphorical “she might get better” to “she’s going to be receiving benefits for life” pile.

The doctor I saw from age 7 to 30 advised me not to drive because of my condition that causes me frequent fainting.

She suggested I not live alone because I have delusions, mood swings and sometimes need to be hospitalized. I saw this doctor for 23 years, and also went to other specialists that agreed with her. I saw her until she was retired.

My general doctor says that even though I am overweight she is pleased with my glucose and cholesterol levels. My old, and also my new psychiatrists agreed with her.

My parents say I can live with them and have support. They are actually creating an expansion on the house so I can live on my own sort of and still have them nearby. My eldest sibling is inheriting the house when my parents die and they will rent to me until I die. We don't always get along, but I am trying, and we are navigating our unique dynamic so we can make it work.

This new therapist I’ve been seeing keeps insisting I go off disability, get a job, move out of my family’s house, live alone, and lose weight. Because I’m too old to “mooch off my parents.” He made comments from the get go about my weight. I am overweight yes, but he's not a doctor or nurtritionist. I am not experiencing any health issues because of my weight, which is partly due to my medical conditions and my meds. He made a comment once that i should show some pride in myself and not wear a beanie to sessions "do something nice with my hair." He told me once my shoulders looked smaller and I must be doing better. I was thinking.... do I have fat shoulders too??

I am going to a session today to explain to him nicely that he needs to let me set my own goals, and also educate him on how my life really is. I don’t think therapists should require educating. If he doesn’t get it, I’m leaving the session but I’m giving it a shot anyways.

I’m scared and I’m angry. Wish me luck? I don't want to be a project for him. I want to talk about things in sessions that i need to, not what he considers on his own agenda.

EDIT: I went to the session and voiced my concerns about he got a little defensive, but eventually seemed to see what i was saying and switched his focus to what I told him my goals were. However... I wanted a therapist to help me work through my abandonment issues and trauma, not a life coach to push me. I think i might find someone with a different focus is good. (plus him getting defensive isn't a great sign to me) he also insinuated that my little sister, who he has heard off, never met and never examined, is mentally handicapped because of one of her birth parents. We've had her tested, and everyone seems to be saying she's very sharp and doesn't have what her birth mom has. He also asked what my doctor of 23 years even did for me. I was like... diagnosed me with everything I have? Oh but according to him, diagnoses aren't relevant. I have a condition similar to schizophrenia, and yes you should know if you have that....

Also... I signed something saying he could have access to the last notes of my previous therapist, since I have extensive history but he apparently never got it, never told me he didn't get it, and wants me to go through the process again. I feel like the office dropped the ball, because I signed it already.

I think it might be time to move on... I canceled my next appointment. I feel like I should be able to find someone who listens better, and is there to help me, not fix me into things I am not capable of. Having him insist I am wrong and lazy for excepting my limitations, after the long grieving process that came with becoming permanently disabled at 26, has been upsetting, because I keep doubting myself, even though I know I have done the right things.

#Therapy #Personal post #mental heath #disability

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sophieinwonderland · 1 year

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if pretending to have autism is okay then why isnt pretending ur dog is a service dog okay?

why isnt it okay to pretend to have severe intellective decifit okay.

by your logic i could just pretend or "identify" as having a disorder that affect motor skill and that would be okay.

If i pushed someone or made them fall then i could just say it is because of that one disorder and not bc im a massive asshole or a big clutz, and that telling me otherwise is ableism.

same goes for trans autism, i could claim i have autism and then be mean for no reason and blame it on my autism.

i can fake being anything or identify as anything, but its so privileged and so unfair to peoples that cant change or "identify" as something on will.

you do not get to claim something you didnt and wont ever experience, and thinking otherwise is extremely privileged.

that take suck, and i would love to say im surprised of such a bad take but honestly, while im disappointment, i didn't expect better.

same goes for trans autism, i could claim i have autism and then be mean for no reason and blame it on my autism.

Yes! One of the privileges of autism. Being able to be rude to people and blame it on your autism. /s

If your way of going after trans-autism is by repeating ableist stereotypes... maybe just don't?

This whole post gives off the same exact fear-mongering vibes as transphobes arguing that men will be dressing up as women to go into women's bathrooms.

And honestly, I think that if someone legitimately doesn't understand social cues, people should try to be understanding of that. Don't give someone a pass, but if there's honest confusion, I don't think we're more deserving of second chances than anyone else just because we have an arbitrary medical diagnosis. And normalizing autistic behaviors exhibited by allistics would normalize those behaviors for us as well.

Obviously, we and many others with ASD need support, but I find it really gross to imply that because we have ASD, we have some sort of "get out of taking responsibility free" card that's exclusive to us, and makes wanting to pretend to be autistic beneficial.

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epithet-beloved · 7 months

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hihi um. i love the platonic sylvie imagines here,, could i request autistic sylvie hcs and/or sylvie with a reader his age whos special interest is also psychology…….

AUTISTIC SYLVIE THOUGHTS!

synopsis… Autistic traits Sylvie exhibits, and how he bonded with someone with a similar special interest!

ft. Sylvester “Sylvie” Ashling, Molly Blyndeff (mentioned)

tags… fluff, autism headcanon, i don't know anything about psychology save for basics oops

word count… 728

a/n… uhmmmm hiiii do you guys remember us… being an adult is difficult guys why do we do it. anyway. autism. i am not OFFICIALLY diagnosed myself (to which my friend immediately went "you were stimming so hard at the movie today bffr"), but i suspect i am and i also relate to sylvie so a good bit of this is projection ✧ 🦝

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Lovingly, have you seen this kid?

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 It goes without saying that no one in Epithet Erased is neurotypical but we’re not here to discuss that today.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Sylvie was diagnosed fairly early in life, some amount of time before he jumped a few grades.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 He doesn’t really like acknowledging his diagnosis. Unfortunately, upon getting diagnosed, the most exposure he had to autism was his uncle, and characters that fit the "genius" stereotype on TV.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 So, of course, Sylvie absorbed the pretentiousness from these sources trying to learn about himself.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Like, is it not just canon that he uses the “neurodivergent and a minor” excuse to everything online?

“Huh–?” Molly blinks at Sylvie’s phone screen, opened on social media, but the way he chose to phrase the reply… “Sylvie, I-I don’t think you should say that sort of thing!” “I’m literally neurodivergent and a minor. This ‘adult’ is the one arguing with ME!” Sylvie defends himself with a huff, missing the way Molly gives him a look that’s a mix between disappointment and disbelief. Isn’t Sylvie always the one saying he isn’t a kid?

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Sylvie didn’t really have a lot of friends as a child, considering how he tends to act around others. Pretentious and defensive – it’s hard to get through to the Sylvie that’s more vulnerable and actually nice. He’s mostly in environments of predominantly neurotypical people, and he finds himself in conflict of whether he should mask or not.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 He finds his stims embarrassing for example. His most common ones are fiddling with and pushing up his glasses, pacing, talking to himself, and messing with his hair. He also flaps his hands when excited but tries to stop himself from doing so, calling it ‘childish.’

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 His biggest stim of all? Playing with his yo-yo. It’s also a comfort item. When commuting places or even just needing to do something with his hands, he’ll find himself using his yo-yo. He tries to say he wouldn’t die without it, but he’s definitely more tense if he can’t use it.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 His special interests include psychology (duh) and epithets. Things he can study. However, he has a hyperfixation on card games that comes and goes when it feels like it. Sylvie can be really distracted by games like Horizontal Pilot Command, so much that he can procrastinate on work, making him feel bad about it afterwards.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Meltdowns are “shamefully” common for Sylvie, and he needs a lot of time to ground himself. He usually keeps to his room and uses his sheep to rest on or surround himself with. The fluff is therapy sometimes.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 So socially, Sylvie struggles, it’s true. He knows it, but a little worm of denial in his head tries to say it’s because he’s superior to these people, or something like that. So, meeting someone who's similar to him means the world.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Sylvie with low empathy, and a friend who has high empathy? Dynamic duo. Sylvie can wonder if he’s just a jerk due to his low empathy, and he can seek reassurance for it. A friend can help him feel less like a terrible person.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 His favourite joke is when someone asks him for something, he goes “no,” while doing exactly as asked.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Sylvester meeting someone with a psychology special interest? He’s in literal heaven. Two little nerds keep talking about things that make even full grown adults feel dizzy listening to.

“Ah, like Pavlov,” you say with a nod when Sylvie finishes his study help suggestion. The chocolate in hand is an incentive to finish the page you’re scouring through. Sylvie perks up. “Well, yeah! Behaviourism is really important in Pavlov’s theory. The more a behaviour is repeated, the more it affects the mind.” “Mhm! Although I do like B. F. Skinner’s suggestion too,” comes your reply, and Sylvie feels his jaw fall slack at the fact you even know his name. “Stimulus first, then response, then reinforce that response.” “Exactly!” Sylvie sits up, louder than you ever heard him. The study session was quickly brushed aside in favour for now bringing up the founders of behaviourism.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Sylvie doesn’t know anyone else his age with his diagnosis, so it really opens his eyes being with you. And, not to mention, he finally has a friend who really gets him. Where would he be without you, eh? Or, so he jokes, but you can tell he’s serious.

#WE'RE SO BACK (maybe) (we'll see) (perhaps)#𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 request !#🦝's writings #epithet erased #epithet erased imagines #epithet erased x reader #sylvie ashling x reader #sylvester ashling x reader #sylvie ashling headcanons #sylvester ashling imagines #sylvie ashling #sylvester ashling headcanons #sylvester ashling

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