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#also shout out to this being my first time drawing all these characters except for jack- ... which.

diorsbrando · 1 month

Text

I’D DIE FOR YOU (AND I HAVE). ( s.a. )

sousuke aizen & black!fem!reader.

cw ━━ ! minors, blank and ageless blogs DO NOT INTERACT. reader is portrayed as a black woman but you do not have to imagine her that way. using this map of the seireitei as a reference (i searched high and low for a consistent accurate one but it was hard). the first half is set pre-ryoka invasion / pre-soul society arc. the second half is aizen-centric (from his pov told from the 3rd person) and set post-tybw arc, years after he was sealed away in mugen, also including mention of events from vol. 1 of can't fear your own world (a light novel that's post-tybw & can be considered canonical); so all this being said: SPOILERS i guess???? of course you're welcome to read if you don't care about spoilers! somewhat based on 'die for you' by the weeknd & even more loosely based on 'dark red' by steve lacy. contains themes of heavy-ish angst, existential crises (?) & inner emotional turmoil within reader + aizen (separately). descriptions of character death, blood and violence. descriptions of manipulation/mind games. aizen is an unkind man. proofread (i did my best).

word count ━━ 11k

notes ━━ ! the way this fic was supposed to finished a month ago...but life once more gets in my way. and the way that it's this long....i anticipated the max being 10k but i greatly underestimated how long it would take to flesh out my idea. anywho i'm somewhat reentering my bleach era again. i’m not sure what it is but character analyses in the form of fanfiction is my jam rn like i really enjoyed writing this (i got tired of the length by like... 7k words lmao) but i like how this turned out. i've watched & read quite a bit of content that provide explanations as to why aizen is the way he is so i wanted to try my own portrayal of that in the context of canonical events. how i characterized him here is partially inspired by a fic i read about him last year so shout out to them for their support :D i hope i've depicted and humanized aizen well ♡. reblogs + commentary are heavily appreciated!!!!!

THE PAD OF YOUR THUMB SLOWLY glided against your bottom lip, the lingering aftertaste of jasmine tea still on its surface and on your breath. The absentminded motion of your thumb caressing your mouth, as if in deep contemplation, continued as you stared at the clock hanging on the wall above you.

It was past eleven, and the midnight hour only continued to draw near as time sustained its temporal march. And there you sat at your desk, floating in the limbo of your mind that was filled with hesitancy and admittedly, budding anticipation.

Your gaze lowered to the now empty porcelain cup, nothing remaining of its contents except the shriveled remnants of herbs and a few wayward drops of the brew.

Your senior comrade, captain Sōsuke Aizen, was correct in his prediction that you'd take a liking to its floral and delicate taste when he gifted you a jar full of the jasmine tea leaves as well as other ingredients.

The captain of Squad 5 seemed to be correct about a lot of things.

His intelligence and foresight, along with his kind and politely witty disposition, were qualities that you found somewhat charming, and gradually drew you closer to him.

Being the current third seat of the 9th company, your barracks and those of squad 5's were relatively close to each other's, so often you'd catch glimpses of and run into Captain Aizen on a pretty normal basis. Over the years, the conversations that bounced between the two of you expanded past the realm of formalities between a higher and lower ranking officer, and instead ranged in territories from literature, to art, to food & drink, and even to the politics of the government for which they were soldiers for.

Sometimes, you found it hard to believe that you managed to befriend a man like him. A man who seems to have mastered the balance between being a gentle soul, helpful to others, but also possessed enough refined power and skills to be named a captain within the Gotei 13.

Especially a man who wasn’t even of your own squad.

Despite the increasingly friendly relations and generally pleasant conversation, there were few moments where Aizen's words didn't feel quite. . . . real━ he didn't feel real. He spoke eloquently, often relying on figurative language to further illustrate his point and to breathe meaning into seemingly plain and meaningless words. But at times those words, his tone felt stained; stained with some substance or color you couldn't quite place. An enigmatic façade was painted over his speech, and it took too much mental capacity to try and find your own meaning in it.

So you'd often brush it off. Your over-reliance on your own reasoning that 'you weren’t able to come to a conclusion because there is no problem a conclusion could be generated from' successfully quieted your mind’s voice. You'd also frequently blame exhaustion, or your newfound hobby of watching human psychological crime shows during your off days for these subconscious ideas you had.

But you feared that the request Aizen made of you yesterday, the source of your current predicament, couldn't be blamed on any of those things. You looked at the clock again before returning to stare at your empty tea cup. For what reason could Sōsuke Aizen wish to meet you outside of the 1st division barracks? Specifically at this hour? You immediately thought of his question as uncharacteristic of him but prevented yourself from jumping to any further conclusions.

Aizen was a reasonable man, and you were sure there was a reasonable explanation.

With a final sigh of acquiescence, you stood up from your sitting position to retie your yukata before slipping a thicker, dark colored haori on top. You were unsure how cold it was this late at night or how long you'd be out, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

You paused for a moment, glancing longingly at your vanity mirror a few times, clearly torn between a decision, before giving in with a soft groan. Grabbing your favorite perfume, you quickly spritzed the spray onto both your inner wrists, either sides of your neck, and stray areas on your clothes. You’d proceed to make sure your hair was in order and your lips were as moisturized and glossy as a pair of tear-filled eyes before making your way to the door and slipping on your sandals.

Meeting with a captain— with Aizen of all people— in the dead of night resembled too closely to forbidden lovers rendezvousing under a fruit tree to fulfill their desires of embracing one another, with no one but the moon as their witness. The comparison alone caused the apples of your cheeks to burst aflame with embarrassment, and you lightly chastised yourself for even indulging in such an inappropriate train of thought. Such a scenario seemed far too deluded to even be considered ‘wishful thinking’.

But those delusions still seemed to make more sense than whatever other conclusion you have yet to reach.

Making your way out of your personal quarters, you activated your shunpo technique, stealthily hopping from one rooftop to the other in an effort to make it to Squad 1 barracks quicker.

After several minutes, your mind mostly engulfed with the 'what if's', the soles of your sandals finally touched ground, and you stood a few feet away from the massive walls and bridges that connected to and from the barracks. Even at night you were able to make out the bold-printed kanji for the number 1 that was painted on the building.

When you arrived, even from a nearby rooftop, you didn't see anyone around. Feelings of confusion and worry began to creep up and flicker to life in your mind.

But, as if your thoughts were as audible, you felt a light breeze of wind behind you, a familiar sound that indicated someone had made their presence known.

Startled, you reflexively reached for your zanpakuto, when you remembered that you hadn't even brought it with you. It still laid against the wall near your bed, just where you placed it earlier when you were relieved of your duties for the day.

You didn't think you needed it necessarily if you were just going to meet with Aizen, hence why taking it with you slipped your mind.

The flickers of concern were swiftly extinguished as your brain caught up with your body upon realizing who just appeared. A relieved sigh left your lips, a breath of air that seemed to release all the tension that had a grip on your heart and wound tight within your muscles. "Ah! Good evening Captain Aizen. You caught me off guard for a moment there."

"My apologies, that was not at all my intention." The Fifth Division Captain sported a dark colored scarf, his long captain's coat and the standard shihakushō all Gotei officers were supposed to wear. In the sash around his waist resided his own sheathed zanpakuto. His tawny hair maintained its usual part but looked slightly tousled, yet still remaining so in a meticulous fashion that made it look intentional.

The state of his hair alone, and his current facial expression made Aizen look more . . . approachable if that’s how you were to describe it. There was a glint in his eyes that you had seldom seen before.

"Thank you, for making your way down here to accommodate my rather. . . . atypical request. I again extend my apologies if I have inconvenienced you in any way."

You shook your head in reply, "It's alright, I wasn't doing anything too important anyway. Just having a cup of tea and delighting myself in a book before bed."

You glanced downwards at the foot or so of space that was wedged in between the two of you. You forced away the murmurs of your lingering thoughts that took note of how the moonlight and shadows danced across the surface of Aizen's face just right, and emphasized his decidedly handsome features.

"But having a complete and good night's rest is important to be fully functional in all areas of one's performance. Wouldn't you agree?"

You couldn't help but chuckle softly. "Yes, I do agree with that sentiment."

Aizen all but hummed in acknowledgement, letting a moment of silence fill the air before speaking again.

"Shall we be on our way?"

You nodded in agreement, following him as the both of you walked about the First Division grounds. From what you could tell based on your position, your aimless nightly stroll drew you closer to where Sokyoku Hill was located. The area became increasingly more grassy and contained less buildings.

Although Squad 1 grounds weren't terribly far from either of your barracks, you still weren't sure as to why Captain Aizen wished to meet out here. Initially you thought that perhaps he was just fond of this particular scenery, but really it could have been anything.

But still, you believed Aizen always had a purpose for everything he did.

After several moments, his warm voice replaced the evening silence, vocalizing your current thoughts. “I assume you are contemplating why it is I have asked you here, and I’m afraid the reason is quite benign. Truthfully, I just wished for your company. I often go on night walks to clear my head after a long day and thought I might invite you to join me this time, and have a conversation with each other."

Your brows shifted upwards, for that was not quite the answer you were expecting. It seemed too . . . simple. “Really? You just . . . wanted to talk with me? Plainly?”

The Squad 5 captain let out a short, soft laugh at the disbelief that was painted on your face. There was an expression of fondness present in his eyes and in the light smile he offered you. “Yes, exactly. I quite enjoy our discussions actually, they’re intellectually stimulating and relatively pleasant. You crossed my mind, and before yesterday, it has been quite some time since we’ve had the opportunity to unwind and talk.”

You hummed an mhmm in agreement, tearing your eyes away from Aizen’s side profile in favor of the hem of his captain’s haori, watching how it danced in the soft breeze. It seemed to be less distracting than the way Aizen peered down at you from time to time.

"I see. I am. . . . truly flattered by your words, Captain Aizen; you're too kind. Forgive me for asking but," you took longer strides so that you could fall into step next to him━ as if to speak to him more directly, "Why at this time? To talk with me, I mean. It couldn't wait until more . . . . . conventional hours?"

He chuckled again, and answered as smoothly as if he were awaiting you to ask him that. "Unfortunately, today's tasks ran a little long today, so I had to stay at my office later than usual." The spectacled man paused for a moment, before setting his soft gaze on you, "And besides, that completely defeats the purpose of inviting you on a night stroll, doesn't it?"

You ignored the heat flaring up in your cheeks again. Your mind refused to move past the fact that you had crossed Sōsuke Aizen's mind enough times━ or the times that he thought about you were significant enough━ and highly enough to invite you into his realm and indulge in these moments with him, when he very much could have done that alone.

A tender smile appeared on your lips, more towards yourself than the man next to you. "I. . . suppose it does."

The ashen-white moon only rose higher in the sky, providing an ambiance of tranquility as the both of you talked about whatever crossed the surface of your minds. Other times, the stillness of the night did the talking, and you'd listen to the leaves, and the wind, and the crickets sing together in harmony. Gradually as you walked and the beaten path grew more narrow, your figures drew closer together, until you could feel the long sleeves of his haori brush against your own.

You hadn't noticed that the two of you eventually stopped walking and paused under a tree until Aizen struck up conversation once more. When he called out your name in that gentle, velvety voice, you swore your heart was going to lurch out of your chest. The sound of your name rolled of his tongue so smoothly, the desire to hear it again grew within you.

"Uh━ yes, Captain Aizen?"

"Are you satisfied with way things are at the moment?"

You stood next to him, perplexed at his inquiry due to its vague nature. "Um, what. . . . things? I'm afraid I don't understand what you're asking."

The wind brushed Aizen's dark ochre tresses across his face as he took a step towards you, like the breeze itself was pushing him towards you. "Hm, perhaps I should be more clear then. Are you content with being a soul reaper? Are you satisfied with being a soldier for the Soul Society?"

With your brows slightly furrowed in thought, you remained silent for several seconds and overanalyzed his every word, trying to predict where he might be steering the conversation now. The longer you thought it over, the stronger that nagging feeling from within your soul became. The one that often told you what he was asking wasn't exactly . . . it didn't quite feel . . . . .

"This feels like a prelude to another insightful discussion on Shinigami━ and by extension━ Seiretei politics." Your words cut off your own thoughts, as if your mind was trying to sweep something under the proverbial rug.

Aizen huffed in amusement, before lightly shrugging, leaving your statement definitively unanswered.

You sighed as you seriously considered his question this time. "I mean sure, I guess. I'm somewhat satisfied with my job and all of . . . this," gesturing your hands in the air around you to emphasize your point. The 5th Division Captain made another humming noise, indicating that you still had his full attention. He inched a little closer into your personal space.

The mere action caused your next words to die in your throat and a quiet chuckle resounded from his, before your thoughts revived themselves again.

"Of course things could always be better but. . . . y'know. This is just how it is." You weren't quite sure if you should voice negative opinions about the Soul Society so plainly to a senior officer, even if he was the one who asked you in the first place, so you treaded lightly.

The same plainly relaxed smile from earlier remained painted across his lips, held in his chestnut irises was an emotion akin to affection. He seemed somewhat pleased that you were expressing your thoughts with him.

“And you? Are you satisfied, Captain Aizen?” You were unable to keep the teasing endearment out of your tone as you returned his gaze, casting aside the notions of Gotei officer seating and ranks for the moment. The air seemed like it shifted━ towards what, you weren't sure of━ but it kind of made you feel like you were adrift, floating in isolation from everything else around you.

It was still hard to process that you were alone with Captain Aizen right now. . . . at night.

A low hum reverberated within his chest, contemplative in nature as he replied, “Perhaps.”

The wind whistled lowly again, erecting goosebumps on whatever part of your skin happened to catch the midnight breeze. You fought the instinctual urge to twitch towards the nearest source of heat, which happened to be Aizen. Now that would be even more wholly inappropriate than the 'lovers meeting at midnight' scenario.

The silence between the both of you was brief, but comfortable nonetheless. Once more his mellifluous voice cut through the quiet, leveled and calm, like still ocean waters.

“Come. I want to show you something,” Aizen reached his arm out towards you, your spine as straight as if someone stuck a metal rod dipped in ice water down your robes.

The captain's movements seemed steady and slow━ it had felt like time itself had hesitated for several moments. You thought he was going to . . . . well you weren't sure what he was going to do, and that's what you made you nervous.

Was he going to touch you? Cradle your cheek? Remove a stray leaf that happened to land on your head? You were left somewhat dangling in anticipation, not daring to flinch backwards because you felt it would be disrespectful or offensive. You hadn't even blinked, subconsciously fearing that this was only a very vivid daydream.

But alas, when his arm drew near it extended past your head, slightly above you, and held a small branch in his palm it like a delicate flower. You released a breath you didn't know you were holding, but that breath drew short again when your gaze was eye level with his lower neck and chin.

He seemed . . . . closer.

“I think that regarding the condition of the Soul Society," Aizen began in a quiet voice, referencing his own reply to his earlier question, "and therefore my thoughts about it, is akin to this set of leaves on this branch."

Snapping out of whatever stupor you seemed to have slipped in, you exhaled softly before stepping back a bit to look at what he was talking about. In his palm he cradled a wayward branch that grew from one of the other sturdier branches of the tree. The green foliage of its arms had started to weaken and dull in color. The cold air due to the seasonal transition to autumn caused the leaves become brittle, nearing closer to the edge of death.

The sound of just how brittle they were resounded in the air when Aizen thumbed the leaves in between his fingertips, observing their texture with pity laced in his small movements.

"These leaves will fall off as it gets colder. And soon, the rest of this tree will be bare as well. When the time comes, when the right circumstances fall into place, the old die to make way and usher in the new; it's simply the way things are. I think of the Soul Society government is structured in a similar manner."

You hung onto his every word, like he were imparting crucial wisdom to you. Even though you were a bit confused on the last part, and on the connection between dying leaves and Soul Society, you still listened intently, waiting for him bridge the gap between the two.

"The Soul Society as it is now can be thought of as a season. And this particular season, this climate has remained so for several centuries. How can nature continue━ how can we continue to progress when the old have yet to be washed away by the currents of time? It defies that of nature, yes?" He directed this question at you specifically, in search of your agreement.

You nodded your head, tearing your gaze away from the branch and directed it at the grass beneath your feet. Your brows furrowed a little as you mused over Aizen's words. He gave a rather ambiguous answer before but now, his words sounded like vague displeasure and muted criticism. Everyone was entitled to their opinion, and on some fronts, you'd sometimes agreed with the 5th Division Captain. The Soul Society was far from perfect, too much emphasis on nobility and status, the government resembled too closely to an oligarchy . . . But you didn't━ wouldn't voice these thoughts, though.

Instead you hummed quietly under your breath. There was that tugging sensation again. This time it told you that there was something deeper to this conversation than meets the eye. But what could there be? Was there anything at all or were you just overthinking it?

The voice-like sensation in your soul was calling out to you, but you couldn't hear it that well or quite make out what it was saying. It's as if someone was calling out to you in a crowded room that had music playing on the speakers: you felt like if you listened hard enough you could make it out but ultimately, the result would fruitless.

"And when that happens," Aizen continued, "sometimes nature has to be gently nudged back on track to keep things moving smoothly. That may require . . . shaking the tree. Pulling a few harmful weeds from one's garden, so to speak."

"Weeds?" You echoed. You felt like you understood this analogy and therefore what he was trying to say, but at the same time you didn't. Or was it . . . . you didn't want to understand what he was implying?

Because if you were interpreting his words correctly, if he were inconspicuously comparing the higher-ups and the government itself to dying leaves and harmful plants that needed to be removed, then . . . .

"You, dear child, are a mere weed in this scenario."

Wait, what did he just━

Your thoughts were cut short when a gush of air that smelt strongly of Aizen━ warm oak, vanilla, and a kind of musk that you weren't sure how to describe but was still pleasant all the same━ brushed against your face and took you by surprise.

But there was another aroma that arose, steadily becoming more apparent alongside the increasingly painful throbbing feeling you felt in your abdomen.

It smelt metallic. And it was something that you've smelt all too many times before.

It was blood.

Your gaze that was initially narrowed in confusion lowered as it followed the source of this pain. Your eyes slowly widened in as you struggled to comprehend the blade that was currently ran through your torso.

Aizen's blade.

"Actually, instead of weeds, a more accurate and befitting analogy perhaps would be blades of grass. You unfortunately have to step on them in order to reach the weeds you want to remove."

You couldn't really focus on what the captain was saying, because your brain was still struggling to process what the hell just happened. Your hands slowly rose from their sides and shakily grazed the zanpakuto, wanting to believe that if you touched it, it would pass right through your fingers like mist. But no, the sensation of cold steel was as real as the robes you wore on your back. You only just now are processing the muffled squelching sound of his sword impaling your flesh.

You wanted to scream, to cry in pain, to vomit, to push him off━ something. But all you could do was stand there, stunned, words completely failing you. "Wh. . . . what? Why did . . . . you . . . . "

A cough replaced your attempt at a comprehensive sentence, and you tasted iron in your mouth.

Fuck....was this really happening?

"Please don't push yourself trying to talk," His voice was like an index finger to one's lips, similar to a parent's gentle caress to quiet and sooth their child, "You'll only hasten your death. And I'm sure you wish to know the reason for my killing you, yes? You'd have to be alive for that."

'Killing me?' 'My death?' The certainty that rang in his words chilled the blood in your veins, and they confirmed the one conclusion you hoped wouldn’t come true: that you were going to die.

The frigid embrace of fear and dread engulfed you from behind and you shivered, causing the blade snugly lodged in your organs to shift. The pain of that foreign object moving even a little bit shot through your entire body, causing a groan to emerge from your throat.

Desperate to conserve your energy and the oxygen that was becoming a little harder to take in, your breathing became uneven and a little wheezed. Even then, you couldn’t bring yourself to meet the gaze of Captain Aizen to confirm if this was really happening or just an extremely realistic and vivid nightmare. The sight you might be greeted with could be more frightening than the actual impaling of his sword.

As if his betrayal couldn’t actually or figuratively cut you any deeper, just then there was a noise that grew louder and louder within a matter of seconds until it was almost deafening. You’ve distinguished it to be the sound of glass crackling.

Your surroundings formed cracks everywhere on its surface, like it was just an oversized window. Even on the grass you stood on, or what you thought was grass, began to crumble away.

A dumbfounded but panicked look was plastered on your face when your world literally shattered around you, the only remnants of it being you and the Captain.

What was underneath the mirage━ or you should say, the fact that it was a mirage at all━ only disturbed you and increased your perplexity.

Slightly hunched over and breathing heavily, it took a minute to process where you were, but you noticed that now the two of you stood in a formal room that looked like it was used for important meetings. The lights in the room slowly started to brighten, most likely due to motion sensors. Even with Aizen's scent lingering in your nose, you could still pick out a rather stale aroma that hung in the air like dead fruit that hadn't fallen off the tree.

"Is . . . this Cen . . . tral━ "

"You are correct. Where we currently stand is the assembly hall for Central 46, the judicial power of the Soul Society. All judiciary as well as legislative trials and proceedings are held here."

All around the room were seats with partitions, the kanji for 1 through 46 printed on them. In the seat for the 19th member, your gaze caught onto something on the translucent barrier. It was a little farther up so you had to squint your already blurring vision to see it properly.

You saw, and your heart promptly sank as a result, eyes widening once more.

There were splatters of a dark colored substance on the partition━ undeniably blood. And the lithe, bony fingers of an older man laid lifeless, peeking out from the side of the screen like the appendages themselves were trying to escape from the body they were attached to.

That man . . . was dead. That stale aroma you smelt was the stench of death.

It was only after that unsettling epiphany did your eyes dart frantically around the room and realize that every member of Central 46 was dead.

The disturbed expression on your face only intensified as your stare was pulled back down to where Aizen's blade still resided in your body.

" Cap.....Aizen," you uttered, swift to correct yourself. All the moisture in your throat dried up like water underneath the unrelenting rays of the sun. You kept gulping your saliva in an attempt to assuage the sensation, but relief only last for a fleeting few seconds. "Did you ━ you killed them . . . didn't you?" Your question was laced with shaky hesitance and swelled with apprehension, fearing that you already knew his reply even before he answered.

There was a moment of silence and a hum before he replied. "Smart girl."

The muted mirthful tone in his voice sounded like sarcasm, and it was enough to finally draw your attention away from everything else and directly look at him. Almost instantly, you regretted it.

His umber tinted gaze was colder than you remembered. You couldn't find anything in his eyes that hinted that all of this was just a big misunderstanding, or a dream, or that Aizen had a secret sense dark and complex humor.

This was your first, and apparently your last time, that you have ever felt a fear such as this. Your mind was struggling to comprehend this was the same Aizen that spoke with you so gently, full of encouragement and wisdom. The same man that recommended you books to read and gifted you tea to drink and gazed upon you like . . .

Well, none of that mattered now. In this moment, Sōsuke Aizen wasn't the same man anymore. This Sōsuke Aizen was someone else, and it frightened you.

"When?" you croaked, your voice no longer sounding like your own. Nothing felt real anymore. "W-When did you . . . . . how? Why?"

Another noncommittal hum resounded from the spectacled man as he closed his eyes, feigning the action of thinking of an answer. When he reopened them, his narrow gaze returned to you.

"Everyone in the Thirteen Court Guard Squads was previously aware that the ability of my zanpakuto, Kyoka Suigetsu, allowed me to confuse the enemy using bodies of water, mist and even moisture in the air in order to attack. However, that is not my zanpakuto's actual power; there is more to it than just simple confusion. Kyoka Suigetsu's true power is Complete Hypnosis. Essentially, when someone looks at my blade, I am then able to take control of that person’s five senses, causing them to believe that something is real ━ or that something isn't real. In a way, once glancing at my unsheathed zanpakuto, that person forfeits their sense of existence to me. Kyoka Suigetsu is quite flawless in its deceptive abilities."

A heavy silence, aside from your uneven breaths, endured in the space between both of you. You didn't need him to spell out what he was trying to say.

It was all . . . . an illusion. A convoluted, premeditated illusion. And you walked right into it without even knowing or considering, that it was all fake.

The Fifth Division Captain inwardly smiled at the despair clearly written on your face as he watched you mentally put the pieces together. He took your lack of reply as a sign to continue. "The members of Central 46 have unfortunately been dead for quite some time now. And as for your question of why......"

The taller man stepped towards you which inadvertently (or purposely, you began to fear), drove his sword deeper into your abdomen without warning and slight force. You bit down on your bottom lip hard to stifle your exclamation of pain. In an attempt to somehow resist him, with the little strength you had left, your hands automatically took purchase in his oversized sleeves, but it did nothing. You found it ironic that you could feel how warm Aizen was underneath his robes, but his soul was anything but.

" . . . . I believe I already mentioned it earlier, yes? All flowers die eventually and the weeds......must be removed."

At that moment you remembered that tugging sensation that told you something felt off in some instances whenever you talked with Aizen. This must have been what it was. Damn it all. You still didn't understand exactly what bad things Central 46 and the Soul Society have done to cause his actions, but based on what you've been told and your current position, it must have been heinous. Again, you actively swallowed the urge to vomit.

"You . . . you lied. I can't believe━ how could it have all b-been a lie?" Another nasty cough rattled your body, followed by a shiver and a groan.

The brown-haired man slightly tilted his head, like he was truly confused. "Lied? Hmm, well. I suppose you could put it that way based on your limited knowledge of the circumstances, but I wouldn't put it that way. Besides, this isn't really about truth or lies. It is, and always has been, only about the reality of what is. And what is, is that you were unable to anticipate my deception. No one could, because it was outside the domain of your thoughts. What is, is that the current way the Soul Society operates is tainted, and I shall be the one to remedy it."

You drew another shuddering breath and looked down at the ground with a grim expression as your blood continued to pool at your feet. Briefly, you even considered unsheathing yourself from his blade and take the chance to make a run for it, but the chances of you making it to the outside world, let alone coming across someone before you bled out and died were slim. Besides, it was clear that you couldn't even trust your own senses anymore after Aizen demonstrated that he had complete control of your reality.

Which reminded you of something else.

" . . . when?" you asked the same question again, but much quieter than before, despair palpable in your voice. 'When and how did you subject me to your zanpakuto's Complete Hypnosis?', is what you were really asking. And being as intelligent as he was, the spectacled man understood.

Abruptly, with a large palm on the small of your back, Aizen used his gentle hold grip to pull you towards him in order to close the remaining distance, causing him to drive the remaining length of his zanpakuto all the way through until the tsuba of his blade rested against your stomach. You looked like a skewered piece of meat.

You didn't have the willpower to hold back the piercing shriek of agony and physical anguish as tears sprung forth from your eyes. You could no longer tell if your blurry vision was due to your tears obstructing your sight or if it was from being a step away from death's door.

"Do you remember . . . the first time we met?"

The hand that rested on your lower back slowly glided upwards until his fingers found your jaw. With a tenderness that reminded you of a time before his betrayal, he lifted your chin and guided your gaze to look at him directly. His thumb moved to graze your bottom lip just as you've done mere hours ago━ as if he knew that, as if he watched you do it. His thumb was dangerously close to slipping inside your mouth and that both excited and scared you. Your breasts against his, your breaths synchronized with his, your body and his were fully pressed against each other and it made focusing on his question more difficult.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The first time . . . we met? Sure, with a little bit of effort you could easily recall the first time you formally met Aizen. It was sometime in the spring, and you remembered him running through combat formations with his lieutenant and the rest of his squad. But why d━

A silent gasp left you. Another epiphany, another figurative blade piercing your heart.

Battle formations, and he . . . offered you to join them . . . his zanpakuto . . . . .

Confusion crumbled away, and was replaced with vacant horror and sadness. It seems you've already been defeated, for many, many years now.

Aizen seemed to murmur something under his breath, a pleased sound you couldn't quite decipher. His mouth brushed over yours, rendering you literally speechless, before he closed the distance and brought your lips together. You could barely process what was happening.

It was ironically tragic how soft and skillfully gentle his lips were against yours. The kiss felt longing, like a departure between two sweethearts and their last meeting together. It also felt heavy and final, making you want to cry.

And you did. Silent tears streamed from your eyes and rolled onto the fingers that still held your face so affectionately. The captain reacted by guiding your chin up a little further, dipping his head a little lower, so he could deepen the kiss. You weakly scorned yourself for thinking about how the two of you must really look like lovers now, sans the sword sticking out from your back.

Oh, how cruel this was; how cruel he was. It was cruel for him to kiss you like this, hand still splayed on your back like he needed to touch you stay sane. And how cruel it was that still managed to enjoy it, even as you stood there dying. Your lips moved together in tandem, slow and almost passionate, all while tears stained the apples of your cheeks, drying up the plush youth that once resided in them.

Aizen's tongue had slithered its way into your mouth, and you suddenly felt like crying harder. There was a tart, sweet flavor lingering on his tastebuds, and you absently wondered what is was. Perhaps hibiscus from tea, you surmised. And he too tasted the sweet jasmine and citrus that clung your tongue and lips. At this, he chuckled quietly into your mouth, humming before retracting from you by a few inches so he could speak.

"I knew you would like the tea. It's sweet and flavorful, isn't it?" You hated how low his voice was, how its timbre pleasurably vibrated and rumbled against your lips, and you hated that lidded stare he gave you. You again thought it unfair that you couldn't even revel in the rare sight of Aizen's lips slightly wet because your lips were intertwined with his.

"I have to thank you for humoring me and my recommendations. I really appreciated it. And I also," you winced loudly and cried out in affliction as Aizen finally began to withdraw the sword from your body, "must to bid you farewell now. It seems you don't have any more time left, and this has dragged on for longer than it needed. I'm not surprised you've held out for this long, as I already knew you possessed commendable strength. But alas it wasn't enough. I am sorry that you have to die; it's rather regrettable that you happened to be that blade of grass that ended up underneath my foot."

Another wail was yanked from your chest as he steadily removed his sword from your abdomen. The pain was becoming excruciating, you would have collapsed by now if the taller man weren't holding you.

You saw two things before the light in your eyes had all but faded away. The first were the colors of faux pity and apathy that swirled in Sōsuke Aizen's irises, spiraling like a storm that was certain to wreak havoc in its wake. His gaze was devoid of any regret or remorse; the final metaphorical nail on the coffin. The second was a small smile.

But this wasn't one of his smiles you were familiar with. No wait . . . . the one you knew was simply a veneer of what is.

This smile was slanted, the corners of his lips tilted upwards and was sharp. Sharp enough to cut open your already gaping wound further and completely tear you apart, spelling out your demise. It looked insidious as if it were hiding razor-edged fangs. This was what is; Aizen's real smile.

"I. . . I see. Aize. . . ." were the last words you were able to manage. You didn't have the strength to be upset or hurt any longer, so you gave in to the exhaustion.

Your body permanently relaxed, long lashes veiling your now empty eyes as your arms lifelessly dropped to your sides. The captain found a disturbing amount of pleasure in his name being the final word you attempted to speak before succumbing to the sleep of death.

And even after the fact, the facade of doomed, star-crossed lovers persisted as your body slumped backwards. Aizen's strong forearm wrapped tightly around your waist being the only reason you didn't fall to the ground in a puddle of your own blood.

That day was the last anyone saw of you, your zanpakuto still laid idly in your room, its spirit destined to forever wander in the afterlife between worlds alone, eventually fading from existence without ever feeling the presence of its master again.

They had declared you missing by the end of the next day. Lieutenant Hisagi was probably the most perturbed about your sudden disappearance. Days, weeks passed, and they never located you. The Gotei 13 was left unsettled by the lack of progress, but ultimately had to rule your case inconclusive. Some believed that you were simply killed by a stray hollow, or even ran away from your duties because of the stress.

The news of what happened spread like wildfire across all the squads, that a high-ranked officer just up and vanished without a trace. The spirits and morale of the thirteen companies dampened, sorrow and worry swelling like a festering boil.

And that boil burst when Ryoka infiltrated the Soul Society, and when it was revealed that all of it was carefully orchestrated by Sōsuke Aizen.

Like a blade of grass that somehow snuck into one's sandals or in between their toes, during his time in Hueco Mundo, images of you flashed in his head at unexpected times when his mind was quiet. He'd remove the grass, tossed you aside, and moved on with his day. There was no room for you in the grand scheme of things. Such reminisces were beneath someone like him.

And yet.

He'd always find another piece of grass from the greenery he stepped on whenever he advanced a step in his plans. There you were again.

It was common knowledge that if you kept repeating the same action over and over, it will eventually wear you down.

━━━━━━ 鏡 ━━━━━━━

It was dark, and there was nothing.

There had been nothing for quite a long time now. Utter darkness and the abyssal shade of black engulfed every inch of Aizen's body and surroundings.

He saw nothing, the seals over his eyes too opaque to let anything through. And even if they weren't obscuring his vision, he would barely be able to see three feet in front of him; there was seldom a few lanterns in his cell to begin with. He felt nothing but the bindings that kept him imprisoned in one of the deepest pits of the Seireitei. At times it felt like even his internal organs had stilled in their functions. He heard nothing but the unrelenting quiet of his cell within Mugen's maw. The only thing that served as proof that he hasn't spontaneously grown deaf yet was the occasional muffled noise that originated from outside of the entrance. And even then, he could hardly hear much of anything.

Such is an ironic fate for someone who, with a stray thought and a glint of his blade, could control someone's senses and take away their free will to experience those senses in their reality. And now, he was stripped away of all of his in nearly every capacity.

Sōsuke Aizen was rendered stationary and stagnant, qualities he detested and were the antithesis of his ambitions and plans, perhaps even his existence.

Aizen had always believed in being in control of your own destiny and making your own choices; if you had the opportunity and the power to change something━ especially if it was something that was wrong, unfair or immoral━ then one should be able to move towards that goal by making change, even if by force. The former captain had always been intentional about his actions and his desires right from the start.

And yet, here he ended up.

Spending years strapped to a chair in this dark, cloistered hole, Aizen had nothing but time to reflect the reason for his arrest: that orange haired Ryoka boy, Ichigo Kurosaki. He had nothing but time to admit to himself and settle on the conclusion that his last battle with the substitute Shinigami . . . did something to him.

Fighting the Ryoka boy ignited something inside him that he previously believed would forever lay dormant.

The thrill of a challenge.

Adrenaline was injected into his veins with each clash of their swords, spreading far and wide across every inch of his body. It no longer reacted in the measured, calculative manner he had programmed it to, but with unadulterated, pure instinct and raw power━ all in an effort to not only withstand such potent spirit energy from his opponent, but to come out on top and win.

It made him feel alive.

Aizen's desire to be the victor in battle and in his philosophy━ to prove himself right━ both fueled him and consumed him so thoroughly it led to his own downfall. That was a rather difficult fact to acknowledge; so much so his head started to pulsate intensely whenever it crossed his mind one time too often.

All of it unfolded right in front of his eyes and yet . . . he didn't really see it happen.

As time passed during his perpetual incarceration, with hooded eyes, the former captain spent an unfathomable amount of time tossing and turning every single event that led him to this underground prison, even pondering his temporary release by the Head Captain Kyōraku to fight in the war. Scenarios both minor and significant displayed itself in front of his mind's eye as if he were watching a film.

Every so often, a blurred visage of your image would make a brief appearance, like the flickering sparks of a match before they were able to come to light, fading away into the void and were overshadowed by his other thoughts. It was as if his own consciousness and intentionally muted any manifestations of your existence in his memories. As if he wasn't able to or allowed to see them━ to remember you for too long.

Mentally reliving moments from the last several months, years, decades, centuries━ trying to analyze each moment and decipher where it could have went wrong━ turned out to be quite an exhausting task. His mind and body would grow heavier with inertia, and eventually he would succumb to the alluring pull of slumber. After some time he would rouse from his sleep, and continued from where he left off.

These were his daily activities day in and day out (even though he had trouble distinguishing day and night in his chambers) for years. He saw a positive side to it though. He'd instead think of it has him getting stronger because he had spent so long . . . thinking. Ruminating. Contemplating every possibility in the past, present, and future. His mind would become as sharp as his zanpakuto.

Aizen had always been intentional about what he did, what he said, and how he conducted himself. He was sure in his abilities to orchestrate an image━ a belief for others to have faith in, and act on it in order to further his goals. He was always sure in that image, knowing who he was and what he stood for.

Or at least, that's what he thought.

Aizen wasn't consciously aware that his certainty in this crafted image had already begun to waver. He could not and was unable to anticipate how severe these small fractures had become until after a certain lieutenant paid him a visit outside his cell of confinement, right before he was scheduled to be thrown back into that dark hole of the Mugen.

Lieutenant Shuhei Hisagi was quite emotive when he burst through the doors. His expressions were contorted in volatile mixture of frustration, anger and sadness. His emotions were every which way, directed at everything that has happened so far, including himself. He was especially emotive at Aizen specifically for what he did to former captain Kaname Tosen and 'corrupting him with his twisted ideals.'

Aizen found amusement in that.

Before he was rolled away by the punishment force and therefore out of earshot, a particular set of Hisagi's words caused the small, content smile on his lips to uncurl ever so slightly. "Everything . . . and everyone that has ever gotten themselves involved with you has been trampled on by you and your ideals one way or another, and they all end up dead. If you think what you did to Captain Tosen was justified━ to call it mercy . . . . . then there is truly no justice in this world. You will . . . forever be the enemy in my eyes."

There was a trembling anger in his voice. Pain that wanted to cry out and be set free but, the thin lid of reason prevented it from doing so. And after a moment of silence, the corners of Aizen's lips curved upwards once more. A little bemused, a little more wolfish this time. He maliciously imagined Hisagi's reaction if he ever discovered the true reason for your disappearance.

But instead, all he said was. "What an interesting thing to say, Shuhei Hisagi. Your conviction is admirable." Any evidence of emotion that might have been reflected in his sepia irises was swallowed up and obscured by the darkness of the Mugen's jaw.

The cracks in Aizen's sense of self, in his beliefs, in the image he invented started to cave under the weight of Hisagi's words before he himself realized it was happening. They were like stains in the fabric of his mind that refused to come out.

What puzzled him more, was that with each attempt to figure out just why Hisagi's words echoed in his mind, they all lead back to you, the third seat of the 9th squad. Annoyingly so.

The tattooed lieutenant hadn’t said anything particularly profound ━ at least, Aizen didn't think so. Your name didn’t even fall from his lips. So why were memories of you and your likeness the only clear thoughts he could make of Hisagi's speech? Was it because he was aware of how close the two of you were? He doubted the reason were that trivial and insignificant.

His thoughts grew more discordant by the day, his soul a little more weighted than usual. Perhaps these new seals that Urahara had fashioned actually had an effect on him, Aizen thought. It made sense. His intellect, other than his own, were the only ones capable of creating such effective restraints.

After a while, he had a revelation. This was a different kind of weight.

This heaviness, the closest word he knew to describe it as . . . . was loneliness.

Time taunted him as it seemed to drag on━ Aizen grew even less sure of how much━ when he came to this realization. Hisagi's words were a clear mirror to the loneliness that echoed within him after what happened to you and to Tosen. It was so . . . potent, that it seemed to strike some chord in Aizen he had never heard before.

Such a chord, this sound of loneliness, it was strange and uncomfortable; he wasn't very fond of this sensation. He'd try to scrub it away, but it was all for naught.

His eyes had slid shut at some point, his ruminations leading to dead ends and wearing him down. And, almost as expected, there you were again, in all your translucent glory. The hem, the sleeves, and even the smell of your yukata slowly dragged across his dreams, haunting his thoughts like a lonely wraith.

And Aizen hardly dreamt of anything.

When he regained consciousness he was plagued with yet another epiphany. An additional reason behind this newfound depth.

Aizen's own loneliness. Guilt. Much to his own quiet horror.

How foreign and unusual a thing like guilt is. It was like looking into a mirror and not recognizing something you had never noticed before, but wondered if it had always been there.

But the thing Aizen did recognize, how lonely he actually felt, was something he had hoped would never resurface again. It was a notion he hadn't had the time or regard to consider━ 'loneliness'. Its only purpose, if any, was solely to serve as a motivator. At times though, it was more like a hindrance.

Something akin to nausea slowly started to bubble up in the pit of his stomach, but he suppressed the sensation before it became any more intense.

What of his previous actions did he need to feel guilty for? He hadn't felt it then, so why would he feel it now? Again he ruminated such a question endlessly into oblivion.

The former captain had no doubts that his plan to remove the Soul King, and therefore the Soul Society's sins, were necessary.

Nor did any hesitancy about removing the opposition or dead weight━ whether shinigami or arrancar━ existed.

He certainly had no reservations against killing Kaname Tosen, for he knew the man well enough to know that Tosen would have been so thoroughly appalled with what he had become, it would have drove him mad.

So what was it, then? Why were such useless emotions as guilt and loneliness being amplified n━

"Y....know, S....."

Even covered by the seals, Aizen's eyes widened and his brows were slightly furrowed in distress. Had his mind finally tipped the scales of sanity and madness, to the point where he was hearing things?

It was quiet for several moments longer, before his senses caught onto the sound of water dripping onto a hard surface.

One drop at a time.

Its cadence a little too rhythmic to be natural. And for a second time, he heard that soft, ominous sounding whisper. Its voice a little clearer this time.

"You...know.....Sōsuke."

In the second it took for his eyes to flutter shut behind its seals to blink, when he reopened them, he was no longer sealed to the walls and floors of the Mugen, nor was he surrounded by every shade of darkness imaginable. His limbs and senses were finally freed to breathe for the first time in what felt like ages.

That relief was short-lived when his senses absorbed the unending landscape of water underneath his feet, water lilies lifelessly floating on its surface, and the dim sky illuminated by a full pale moon.

Aizen was in his inner world, and now he was aware of how he got here, or rather who brought him here.

"You . . . already know the answer to that question, Sōsuke." The voice was even more clear, its sentences more comprehensible. And it sounded it eerily like you.

Why the voice was impersonating your likeness had caught him off guard for half a second, but he realized it was only the work of his zanpakuto, Kyoka Suigetsu.

An illusion it may be, there was an untouchable quality about your voice and how you spoke that even Kyoka Suigetsu couldn't replicate.

A few feet away from him, the water was disturbed by a being emerging from the depths. Ripples formed around a manifested version of his zanpakuto, who took the form of you, smiling ever so gently. The smile felt airy, and it didn't seem like the same one that haunted his dreams and every waking thought as of late. It felt....knowing.

Still, the former captain couldn't be bothered to maintain eye contact with his sword spirit, so he turned around and opted to keep his unreadable stare trained on the vast expanse of water and white lilies.

"It's been quite a while since I have stepped foot into this realm. There must be something you want . . . Kyoka."

The zanpakuto chuckled, it sounded like the way you would softly laugh at one of his clever quips. But this wasn't you.

He didn’t want to admit that something about that fact didn’t sit right with him.

"Judging from your tone, would I be correct in assuming you don't want to be here?"

Silence rang out within the soul scape, before Aizen interrupted it, his gentle voice colored a shade darker, and a little rigid. "And I fail to see the reason why you must take that form when you revealed yourself to me. Is your aim to get a reaction out of me? Or something along those lines?"

Your eyes━ the eyes of Kyoka Suigetsu━ narrowed at its master's back, as if they were trying to create concavities in his skull. But the expression was washed away the moment it appeared, the serene smile from before was back in place.

"You know . . . it's considered quite rude to not look at someone when you're addressing them. That, and when you deliberately ignore things they say. Your manners have been deteriorating, Sōsuke. Tsk, tsk."

Kyoka-dressed-as-you suddenly appeared before him, as if they had teleported. Even when they were in his peripheral vision, Aizen still maintained his stare off into the distant nothingness.

"Unless, you can't find it in yourself to look at me. . . that's correct, isn't it? It's because I look exactly like her, right?" The zanpakuto continued to provoke him, taking a step closer into his personal space.

With an exasperated sigh, his eyelids fell shut for a second, using that time to gather the strength he didn't know he needed, and directed his gaze to meet his spirit's. Aizen's face gave nothing away, but his heart lurched about his chest when his bronze eyes met with yours, or what was made to look like yours. The undesired affect it had on him was all the same.

"If you wish to chastise me about manners, I suggest you take your own advice. You didn't answer my first question, either: what is it you want? Why am I here?" Again the former captain chose to not address the other parts of Kyoka's statement. For the sake of his sanity and his thinning patience━ or was it to preserve his resolve?

Its smile widened a bit, moving another step closer to their master. God, Kyoka even smelled like you, mimicking your signature honeyed scent that Aizen didn't realize he found so intoxicating until this very moment.

"I called you here to save you from yourself."

Aizen remained silent, only narrowing his eyes in speculation. "Meaning?"

"Didn't I already say it earlier? I think you already know what I'm talking about, Sōsuke. You've always known."

Fate's pairing of Kyoka Suigetsu with Aizen was a match crafted from the spindles of heaven, but also a maddening curse pulled from the depths of hell, for they complimented each other a little too well. The zanpakuto was too perfect a reflection of Aizen and his soul, looking at it started to hurt his eyes.

His sword spirit insisted that he already knew the reason for his coming here, and perhaps he did have an inkling the moment the light of epiphany was shone on his profound loneliness and guilt. But that couldn't have been what it was referring to . . . . could it?

"You cannot feign ignorance here, my dear Sōsuke, however I do find it rather humorous you bother trying. If you'd like, I don't mind humoring you by spelling it out for you. I'd be glad to unearth the truth that you have buried in the most neglected corner of your heart."

"When you were . . . . subjecting yourself to such mental torment, it had an affect on this world as well. The ripples, the waves in this scape become quite . . . tumultuous." The nuances in your voice were perfected by his zanpakuto, but the way it talked sounded like a fog that was gradually closing in from over the horizon. The uneasy feeling that resided in his chest traveled down to his stomach, but Aizen's face remained steely, even when Kyoka Suigetsu took that final step to close the gap in between them. "And the reason for that, the reason why Hisagi's words rattled you so is because you regret killing that woman."

The creased line in Aizen's brow grew more prominent as he stared down his sentient sword spirit. With its breast pressed against his, they placed a hand on his clothed chest in a tantalizing manner, but he felt nothing. There was no warmth from its palm, much unlike when your hand touched him. There wasn't even a cool sensation either. Even minutes before your death, your touch brought a soothing heat that permeated through his shihakusho and penetrated his skin.

Kyoka's face grew nearer, their smile━ although still tender looking━ grew cold at its edges, nearly resembling that of a predator eager to see despair reflected in the eyes of its prey. It didn't fit the graceful allure of your face at all, and seeing this expression deeply unsettled the former captain more than he would like to admit.

"You regret . . . killing me."

A chill tore through Aizen's body, the weight of Kyoka's words adding onto the heaviness that still hasn't been alleviated from his heart; he was hardly able to suppress the involuntary shiver.

Without warning, Kyoka's mouth suddenly became dangerously close to their master's, its lips brushing against his in a provocative manner. Aizen's expression darkened when he realized that it was reenacting his last encounter with you when you were alive. His mouth started to grow uncomfortably dry, despite his soul scape being full of moisture, and there was a taste on the back of his tongue that's been lingering there since he arrived.

The lilt in Kyoka's tone continued to taunt him. "That is the reason for your guilt: regret. You have been in denial. And in the spirit of unearthing truths, I suppose I can admit that perhaps . . . . I've been . . . . encouraging said delusions, adding drops of fuel into the flames of your emotions and ambitions. But after all that's happened, when it comes down to it there's no point in continuing this hallucination any longer. I've grown tired of this game, so it's time to for you wake up now, Sōsuke. I've brought you here to release you from your own illusion, to completely shatter it."

Aizen's back was as stiff as a board, not moving a millimeter when Kyoka's lips grazed his again. They were breathing softly onto his mouth, but he hardly felt any puffs of air.

The former captain was having a rather difficult time processing the fact that his zanpakuto had its own agenda and had been manipulating his emotions without him noticing. Specifically the emotions he felt towards you.

He never truly believed that such a thing was possible, one's own blade having such a deep-rooted influence━ no, control over their master. Or would it be more accurate to say that he never expected himself to be controlled to such a degree? He that prided himself on being freed from the marionette strings of fate that were tied to his limbs and mind, he that relished being able to do what he wanted, think what he wanted, feel what he wanted━ or what he didn't want━ it was hard to believe that none of that mattered in the end.

Kyoka Suigetsu's deceptive abilities were indeed undeniably perfect. No one, not even Aizen himself could have anticipated that Kyoka's most absolute and complete hypnosis would be enacted on himself.

"Do you know now, Sōsuke? Do you understand?" Kyoka's voice was as soft as a whisper, but it couldn't hide the edges of its tone that were still sharpened from finding amusement of seeing the truth flash across its master's face. "You had destroyed the solution to your existential question of loneliness, before you could fully understand the question itself."

Yes . . . . . Aizen understood now.

He didn't bother acknowledging what Kyoka had said. His grim facial expression━ still, tinged with dolor, and paired with an indescribable, distant look his eyes━ said all that it needed to. His silence was as much as an admission as any.

Kyoka-dressed-as-you leaned forward again to fully close the gap between their lips and Aizen's. Tenderly, like the intentions of a lover, it spoke against his nearly closed mouth. "Have you figured it out yet?"

Nothing but quiet could be heard between them, as Kyoka's mouth moved about their master's face and placed something like kisses upon its surface, but not quite.

Aizen's cocoa-shaded eyes slide down to stare at his sword spirit pressed up against him. His gaze was hard, and yet something swam underneath its surface that his zanpakuto had never seen before. Melancholy, it guessed? They weren't quite sure.

Kyoka pressed on when Aizen remained quiet. "The taste in the back of your mouth. Have you figured out what it was? You know it quite well....."

Aizen's tongue grazed the roof of his mouth, sensing the rather unpleasant taste that has coated the inside of it. And within a moment, because he was faced with the current circumstances, Aizen had finally placed a name associated this particular taste. How unfortunate this was.

Upon his realization, Aizen's head lowered, and his brown tresses hung freely over his lashes. Perhaps it was so Kyoka couldn't properly see whatever remorseful expression painted their master's face, but it mattered not. Even from here, the sword spirit could already sense exactly what it was he was feeling.

And they loved it.

"It's a sweet and flavorful taste, isn't it? Quite lovely." Kyoka Suigetsu mimicked the exact words he uttered against your lips all those years ago when he tasted jasmine tea on your tongue, and sealed your death with a kiss. "It's too bad you don't seem to enjoy it anymore."

Aizen's chest continued to rise and fall calmly, and the hands of his sword spirit that rested there glided upwards to cup his strong jaw, caressing his skin with its thumb. Its phantasmic touch did nothing to stir their master.

"Sōsuke, do you know what the jasmine flower from that tea symbolizes?"

Aizen's lips were slightly parted, but again he didn't say anything. Instead, its corners twitched and lifted upwards by an inch, and he huffed softly.

Kyoka Suigetsu grinned in reply. "Good."

The next time Aizen blinked, he was plunged in darkness yet again. The restrictive feeling that swallowed his being whole had returned, and was an indicator that his zanpakuto had released him from his inner world. He was consciously back in the Mugen, back in this abyss they called a prison cell.

Kyoka was indeed as much as a formidable force in its own right, as much as, if not greater than Aizen himself.

The conversation he had with his sword spirit would be cemented in his head for all eternity. When he grew senile and began to physically wither away, the one thing that would remain vital like a young heart, was this epiphany that he had. This realization that he actually . . . .

As the chains of despair bound him tighter to the bottom of the metaphorical pit, regret and his loneliness corroding his flesh and spirit like metal exposed to moisture, a stray memory of his time in Hueco Mundo flashed in his mind. He recalled having tea prepared for meetings with his Espadas and he could not pinpoint when, but at some point, Aizen developed an aversion for jasmine flavored tea. For one reason or another, he no longer found its taste appealing; whenever he drank it, it always tasted bitter.

Now that reason had become painstakingly clear.

The binding on his mouth muffled a rueful chuckle at the though, and it trapped the flavor of jasmine on his lips.

(#) @soaringmirror @stygianoir @ryukenzz @blkjupiters @chrissie2003 @nymphoheretic @dejwrld @triangularz @souyaszn @kuujo @honeybleed @valentineluvu . let me know if you’d like to be apart of my tag list ♡♡.

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cowardlykrow · 10 days

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Gah, all this shout out stuff I'm seeing for my artist mutuals is so cute and deserved so lemme also do it cuz i love them 😔✨💛💛💛 [I actually have SOO many people i love and adore its ridiculous, but i'll keep this "short" by shouting out the very small circle I followed when i first started to make fanart 👉👈]

And by "Short" i mean im gonna add a cut cuz i never shut up :3c @booigi-boi ~the~ #1 Ted spankofski artist [no room for argument, this is just factual.] The way they draw face's and poses, and hair, and clothes, and joey in general is just absolutely incredible!!!! [The moment I saw her art I was just awestruck, and so ridiculously inspired to start drawing again that it's ended up with me right here now... so if you hate me blame her /J] She just has such beautiful line-work and an ability to create such expressive fun pieces, along with having such a talent of using minimal shading and yet making every art piece look totally decked out. Just!!! its literally all so beautiful. incredible. amazing. [Imagine this goes on for way too long and its incredibly obnoxious.] 🐐💛✨ [She's also just a very neat person in general]

@ricky-mortis [inhumane noises of affection✨💛✨] How do I even start? Their art style isn't only everything to me, but it also just has so much character and personality in it. I love the bold line work they often use, along with their coloring and just gah! everything made by this person makes me so happy every time it pops on my dash, i feel like it has to be impossible not to fall in love with their work! [Also have you seeen how they draw curt mega and all of his characters? god they are so brilliant and fantastic]

@szollibisz/szollibisz2 They have the kind of art that you look at and just can't help but let out a really dreamy sigh tbh✨💛. To me, a majority of their artwork comes off so warm and... nostalgic?[Granted it is probably because of the beautiful use of warm colors and also the time period that comes with Curtwen mostly... but still.] And just, i dunno man. i just really fricken adore this persons art. I remember one of my first thoughts being how much it made me think of those really beautiful short-film animations, usually silent except for some gorgeous instrumental soundtrack in the background... and, just, wow... anyway ~

[Does any of this make sense??? probably not...]

@its-short-for-jackalope this person is SO passionate! Their support towards the things they love, such as tinlightment and Pulp musicals, is everything. I also absolutely love the way their art manages to have this beautiful yet adorable style all while managing to capture the resemblance to the actors they are referencing perfectly! From their simplest drawings to their bigger pieces, i think they are all absolutely wonderful~ These people are just so crazy talented and i appreciate them very much 😔

#i am literally SO normal about all of these people #Like i promise #so normal #There is so many more people but if i even try to go on it might as well be the Next “Do you like the color of the sky” post #|#Anyway i sometimes feel bad that i stick to being only an art account and don't reblog- because i know likes mean next to nothing on tumblr #but just know every Like from me is the equivalent of me dropping an ocean of waaay to much affection on top of you and also me screaming #//not art? gross #but SUPER gross this time cuz its dripping with cheese and cringe and too much nonsensical affection

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infinitebrians · 4 months

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Favorite Games of 2023! Part 1: Pikmin 4

Something I really enjoyed doing for 2022 was making drawing to go with my top favorite games I played that year. So I wanted to do that again with 2023 and do a bit of writing to go along with it. I've always been meaning to try writing/documenting my thoughts so hopefully this isn't all just gibberish. Please enjoy!

PIKMIN 4

I got real into Pikmin for the first time ever over this past year. The series finally clicked with me both partially because of this game but also because of just seeing other people be excited about the series as well. I saw it in a lot of fan art or meme videos about bulborbs or Oatchi and so on and I just found it all charming and fun.

One thing in particular that got me to become a fan of the whole series was @hollowtones and @anonymouspuzzler 's streams of Pikmin 1 (https://youtu.be/Yu3Ev5aDZcI?feature=shared). A really fun streams that were also quite informative (surprisingly so) about how the series had a bit more depth to its world design than I ever really gave it credit for. That stream also got me to finally do something I couldn’t do when I was a kid and finally finish a playthrough of this Gamecube copy of Pikmin 1 I’ve had my whole life. That game rules except for a truly miserable final boss fight!

So all that lead me to want to finally check out Pikmin 4, a game that gave me the joy of dandori (something else I found people constantly joking about). To be reductive, the game is all about using your army of silly little guys to pick up all the trash you can get them to carry while avoiding death at the hands at colorful alien horrors beyond your comprehension. What made that collection focused gameplay really click with me in this series has been the time limit each game has and finding and honing the art to getting as much done with that time that I can. It’s what kept me coming back to completely 100%ing the game, getting all the stuff, getting platinums for all the challenges, and so on. While 4 never felt especially hard ever, I always found the aspect of trying to be as optimal with my time as possible to be a more than good enough replacement for a more typical difficulty.

The only real big disappointment I had with the game was with the characters I interacted with in the game, their long drawn out tutorial/introduction was unwanted and their game long constant need to pestering and nagging about any sort of mistakes they could observe grew extremely tiresome. I wish I liked them because the character designs of these funny little space guys are so charming, I even really liked my own player character despite how inconsequential they are.

The game also introduced Oatchi, the wonderful perfect doggy who could have absolutely ruined the the mechanical charm of the game by just always being the solution to just about any problem the game throws your way. I thought it stayed acceptable to me due to how he still felt fun use and was just a very charming guy. Just look at that dude! He goes ‘ufufufufufuf’ if you mash on the whistle button, how can you ever be mad at Oatchi? Love that guy, shouts out to Oatchi, dogthing of all time.

Pikmin 4 was just a delight to me to play a few hours of every night and just pick away at each area at a time, picking up all the cool junk i could find. A very happy surprise of a game after entering into 2023 not even considering the game in the first place.

#drawdogs #art #pixel art #writing #favorite games of 2023 #pikmin #pikmin 4 #oatchi

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qtssvnwoo · 1 year

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helloo this is my first time requesting so hopefully its not confusing🧌

can i request fluff prompt number 2 and comfort number 9? with draco malfoy

so like basically y/n is kind to everyone including malfoy and y/n has a crush on him and draco asks “why do you love me?” (prompt 2 )and y/n’s like “because i believe theres something good in you” then walks away and draco had this weird feeling and he cant get y/n off his mind and starts liking her then when draco became a death eater y/n found out but she still decided to love him just the way he is and shes always there for draco even tho hes kind of mean to her (prompt 9) and he kinda likes her but dont know how to express hes feelings

im sorry if this is cringe 😞

Of course my love! So sorry if this is late, but, I had such a fun time writing this, so thank you!!

Prompts: Fluff 2: "Why do you love me?" Comfort 9: "I love you okay? Nothing will ever change that."

I See You-Draco Malfoy (request)

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: Maybe bad writing cause I haven't written a fanfic in a while, I've been working on my own story.

A/N: Also, let me know if I should make a series regarding one of the Harry potter characters, I'm going between Ron and Draco right now!!

Y/n. They were known around the school for being the kindest person in Ravenclaw, most people liked them, all except a few. Draco Malfoy in particular wasn’t so fond of Y/n. He hated the way they smiled at everyone, how they never stood up for themselfyet stood up for everyone else. He hated how innocent they seemed and the way their eyes sparkled when they talked about traveling the world.

Ever since they were in their potions class together in 3rd year, Y/n knew they felt something for Draco. They heard his laugh from across the room and saw his charming smile and knew from then on that they were truly in love. Everything Draco did left them in a trance, even when Draco wasn’t so nice to them. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Fifth Year*

The sound of people yelling, laughing and talking didn’t seem to phase Y/n as they sat at the courtyard, drawing underneath a tree. They had been working on a particularly difficult picture that had taken them a couple of days to even get the base sketch down, and they were finally finishing it. They had drown out all the noise of people talking so much that they hadn’t even noticed the sound of Draco’s heavy footsteps approaching them.

“What could you possible be so focused on?” y/n tensed up at the sound of Draco’s voice, they weren’t expecting Draco out of nowhere, causing them to jump slightly and blush slightly at his mocking tone. They murmured some words, some words Draco could not understand.

“I can’t hear you when you don’t talk L/n.” He smirked. Draco was aware of Y/n’s feelings for him, he had known ever since he had heard them talking about it in Herbology last year. Since then, he had decided to make them lose their feelings for him, he had hated the idea of people liking him, or even liking someone back knowing how his path was set for him, he didn’t want to bring anyone into this mess he had to fulfill.

“I said I'm drawing! I have to focus, it's a gift for Hermione.” Y/n first spoke with confidence, but, slowly their words got lost in translation as they had felt bad for shouting at Draco.

“A gift? For the mudblood? How ridiculous! You would draw something for someone like that?” Draco mocked. Before Y/n had the chance, Draco grabbed the sketchbook from their hands and looked at the drawing.

“Malfoy Stop! Give that back!” Y/n tried their best to get their drawing back from him, but all he did was dodge them, moving from side to side.

“This is horrid! What is this supposed to be? A rat? Or maybe it’s a self Portrait?” Draco laughed to himself, but Y/n didn’t laugh. The words had hurt them, had cut them deep. They knew he was probably only doing it to make them mad, but nonetheless, the poison words coming from him choked them, slowly tearing away their confidence.

“That's not nice Malfoy.” Was all Y/n could say. The cockiness in Draco’s eyes got bigger as he laughed at them.

“That's all you have to say? How pathetic.” And with his words, he threw the sketchbook into a nearby puddle. Y/n just stared at the puddle, watching as the pages slowly soaked up the water, causing the ink to run across the pages. They couldn’t help but slowly feel their throat close and their eyes start to water as they watched the drawing slowly get ruined by the dirty water. They slowly looked over at Draco and mustered up a small smile. “That’s okay, I needed a new one anyways.” Was all they said before walking past Draco and picking up the sketchbook. “I’ll see you in Potions Malfoy.”

Draco watched as they walked away, in shock. He had just ruined their sketchbook, something that took lots of time and effort into creating and they didn’t even say anything.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Draco couldn’t help but feel bad the next couple of weeks. He thought about the way he just threw the sketchbook, and how Y/n just didn’t react. When they saw each other in the halls, Y/n would flash Draco a quick smile, and a wave before going back to whatever they were doing. During their shared classes together, Y/n would also often help Draco if he needed something. All these kind gestures made Draco’s head spin in confusion, even though he had just been mean to them weeks prior, they had the courage to still treat him decent? Draco couldn’t stop the feeling of guilt striking him more and more everyday. So he decided to confront Y/n about it.

One day after class, Draco had dragged Y/n (more rough than he had wanted) into an empty hallway to finally ask their the question that had been on his mind since he had ruined their sketchbook.

“Why?” Was all he said. He felt like his throat had been closed, restricting him from saying anything else. But, when Y/n only looked at him with confusion, he continued. “Why are you so nice to me? After everything I did, and everything I said. I ruined your sketchbook, tripped you in the halls, I’ve even blamed you for things you never even did. Yet you still take the blame for it and treat me kindly every single time. Why?”

Y/n felt a wave of heat rush over them. They had never planned on confessing the true reason as to why they had been so kind to Draco, but now was a better time than never.

“Well, I do love you Draco, and-”

“Then why do you love me? Why do you continue to love me even though I’m such a horrible person.”

“Love is the only force capable of turning an enemy into a friend. Martin Luther King Jr.” y/n responded. Draco looked at them, and he stared. Not because he was confused, but because he had not noticed how eloquently Y/n spoke. Words flew from their mouth like the drop of rain, and had the sweetness of honey when they reached his ear.

“What?”

“Draco, I see you. I see you as you are. I see good in you and I see someone that is hiding beneath all that tough exterior. You just have to let him out.”

Draco looked and watched as Y/n slowly walked away. He couldn’t fathom how someone who he had never shown an ounce of kindness too, could read and see inside him so well. He felt his heart skip a beat as he remembered the words Y/n had spoken to him, his heart raced and his palms started to sweat. He felt weird, silly even. He had never felt this way about someone ever before, Nor did he really want to.

But despite his efforts, the next few weeks got only harder for him. The stress of his father making him a death eater, killing dumbledore, and his feelings for Y/n had ridden him with such a burden that he could not even focus in his classes anymore. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*sixth year*

Draco stared at himself in the mirror. He couldn’t believe what he had become. He stared at the mark on his arm in disgust as he felt tears run down his face. He had seated himself in an empty classroom, away from all people. Except for one.

Y/n had entered the room five minutes before Draco arrived, they had wanted a quiet place to draw, but they knew that Draco needed this space more. They knew they probably should have just made a quick run for the door, but seeing Draco quietly cry to himself made Y/n’s heart break.

They quietly put their hand on Draco’s shoulder, and whispered his name. He knew immediately who it was and his heart stopped. He didn’t even question if he was right, he just stood up and engulfed Y/n in the tightest hug he could. Both Y/n and Draco’s hearts skipped a beat. Y/n hugged Draco tighter and let him cry into their chest, while slowly rubbing his head.

After a while Draco had calmed down he let go of y/n, still keeping them in his arms, just hugging them a little less tight. He looked them in the eyes and swallowed back his pride.

“You still love me? After all these years of being mean to you and your friends. After all I’ve done? After all I've become?” Y/n looked down at his arm, they gasped slightly at the mark but did not say anything. They rubbed his arm, bringing it up to their mouth and kissing the whole of the mark slowly. Before looking up at Draco with the softest gaze she could give him.

“I see you Draco, I see you as you are. Not what burdens you. I love you Okay? Nothing will ever change that.” Draco sighed lightly, letting Y/n continue. “Love is the only force capable of turning an enemy into a friend. Martin Luther King Jr.” They smiled as they repeated the words back to him that they had spoken so long ago. Draco laughed to himself as he held Y/n’s face in his hands.

“Thank you. For seeing me. Thank you for loving me.”

#draco fanfiction #draco x reader #draco imagine #draco angst #harry potter angst #draco harry potter #x reader #draco malfoy #harry potter drabble #harry potter fluff #draco fluff

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hyperfixatedonstuff · 9 months

Text

Short Fic about Trans Fem Scout for @jaymi-and-their-shit

also on my AO3 -> Call your mother!! (1098 words) by hyperfixated_on_dumb_shit Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Team Fortress 2 Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Scout & Spy (Team Fortress 2), Scout & Scout's Mother (Team Fortress 2) Characters: Scout (Team Fortress 2), Scout's Mother (Team Fortress 2), Spy (Team Fortress 2) Additional Tags: Trans Female Character, Trans Scout (Team Fortress 2), Trans Female Scout (Team Fortress 2), scout's name is Jamie Summary: Scout comes out to her mom with the help of Spy

Scout was nervous, her pacing around the phones revealed that. Today was Sunday, the weekly ceasefire and also the day she always called her Ma. Well, not always. Lately she had been neglecting calling home because she was terrified to talk to her mother. A few months ago she came out to her team as trans, it was a little scary but due to how open they were about being queer or accepting those who were she had managed it. But now she had an entirely new challenge, coming out to her mother. Her mother always said she would love her no matter what. But what if this was the exception? What if she got mad? Or was disappointed?

“Scout!” She nearly jumped out of her skin when a gloved hand materialized out of thin air and landed on her shoulder.

“What are you pacing about for? It’s distracting to those of us trying to use the phone.” Spy had removed his hand from her shoulder and crossed his arms to relay annoyance.

“N-nothing! I’ll get outta your way or whatever.” Scout begins to away from the phones but before she can even get a few steps in Spy sighs and speaks up.

“This is about your mother, isn’t it?” Her shoulders go stiff and she turns back, expecting to see a smug grin. Instead she sees Spy leaning against the wall with a cigarette, brows furrowed and staring at the ground.

“…How did you know?” Spy lets out a little chuckle but quickly explains himself when Scout glares at him.

“It’s my job to know things. You have obviously been stressed. It wasn’t a hard conclusion to reach.” At first she scrunches up her face in anger but then she sighs and takes a place against the wall next to him. After a few moments, she sinks to the floor and pulls her knees to her chest.

“You haven’t told her yet.”

“No.” Spy tries to speak again but is interrupted by Scout’s voiced overthinking. “What if she gets mad? And yells at me? And never lets me go home? What if my brothers make fun of me? Or if Ma ain’t angry but sad?”

“Scout.”

“What if she don’t want me as her kid anymore?”

“Scout!”

“I don’t know what I’ll do. I just shouldn’t tell her. She don’t need to deal with all of that. O’ course I’ll have to tell the guys not to-”

“Jamie!” Spy’s shouting finally reaches her ears and she looks up, slightly teary eyed.

“Your mother loves you. That won’t change no matter what you tell her.” There’s another pause before Spy kneels down and awkwardly pats her shoulder.

“But… how do you know?” She sniffles a bit and Spy sighs while drawing a handkerchief from his pocket.

“It’s my job to know things. And I know your mother is a good woman.” Jamie stares at him for a minute, despite the fact that Spy was an asshole, he was still convincing when he wanted to be. She sniffled again and he handed her the handkerchief. Spy watched as his expensive silk pocket square was coated in snot and tears, he grimaced in an exaggerated manner.

“I want that back by Monday. Cleaned.” She laughed as he stood up.

“Yeah, yeah, you got it old man.” Spy rolled his eyes and helped his daughter to her feet. He patted her shoulder one last time and turned to head back inside.

“Eh- thank you Spy.” He simply nodded before disappearing into a cloud of smoke.

Jamie sighed. She knew that Spy was right, as much as she hated even thinking that. She had to call her mother. So she dusted herself off, wiped the last of her tears away, and stuffed the handkerchief into her pocket.

She had called home every Sunday for years until the last few weeks. It was clear from the faded numbers that her mother’s number had been dialed most. Muscle memory moved her fingers over the buttons quickly as she fiddled with the cord with her free hand. She traced circles in the dirt with her foot while the phone rang.

‘ringggggg… ringggggg… ringggggg…rin-’

“Hello? Jeremy is that you? Where have you been? You haven’t called in three weeks!” Jamie instantly regrets her decision and nearly hangs up.

“Uh- yeah it’s me… l-look Ma I’m real sorry I haven’t called- but there’s something important I’ve been meaning to tell you!” The words came out of her mouth at an inhuman speed and she aggressively tapped her foot while waiting.

“Well? What is it? What’s so important you can’t call your mother!” Jamie swallows and takes a deep breath. This is it. The moment she’s been dreading for weeks.

“Ma… I’m transgender. Iknowitshardtohearbutitswhoiamandimnotgonnahideitanylongerivealwaysbeenagirlandijustneedtogetitoffmychest!” There’s a pause. Dread seeps into Jamie’s gut. Did she make a mistake? Did she just ruin her own life?

“So you’re a girl?” Scout lets out a breath she had been holding. She couldn’t read her mother’s tone very well but… she wasn’t yelling.

“Yes…is that okay?” Jamie asks meekly.

“Okay? Are you kidding me?” Here it comes. She thought, closing her eyes and getting ready to be chewed out. But instead of yelling or sobbing or anything of the sort, a laugh came through the phone. Not an angry laugh or a bitter one, but a genuinely happy laugh.

“I’ve always wanted a daughter! I mean- I never told you or your brothers that because I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t proud of you because I am! But it has been such a pain not having another woman around the house!” Jamie slowly opened her eyes, she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“You mean… you ain’t mad?” Again, more laughter plays through the phone.

“Why would I be mad? I thought you were gonna say you were in trouble or dying! You finding yourself is the least of my concerns!” There’s more laughter but this time half of it is Jamie’s.

“I’m so glad! I was so worried to tell ya’ that I hadn’t been callin’!”

“Well not so fast, you ain’t off the hook for not callin’ your own mother for 3 weeks! But before I chew you out for that. Do you have a new name yet? Oh- and who else have you told? D your brothers know? Your teammates? What about that doctor of yours? Has anyone given you trouble for it? You just tell me and I’ll deal with it!” Jamie smiled as her mother rambled on, things were back to normal again.

#tf2 #tf2 scout #tf2 fic #trans scout #trans fem scout

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made-ofmemories · 1 year

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Stargazing

Also posted to ao3

Written for day 21 of platonic stobin month

Characters: Steve Harrington & Robin Buckley Word count: 1062

Robin calls sometime around midnight. She often does when she can’t sleep, plagued by flashbacks of secret Russian bunkers under small-town malls and the squeeze of vines around her neck. Steve’s already awake when she calls, he always is.

Usually, they talk, sometimes about what’s bothering them, sometimes about anything except for what’s bothering them. Other times they just exist there together in silence comforted by the fact that there’s someone else on the other side of the line, someone who understands in a way that not many people can. Tonight is different. Steve’s been feeling antsy all day and Robin doesn’t argue when he suggests they go for a drive.

“Do you believe in aliens?” Robin asks.

They’re perched on the hood of Steve’s BMW out in the middle of nowhere near Loch Nora. Robin has her head tipped back looking up at the clear night sky but she turns to look at Steve when she speaks. It’s the first real conversation they’ve had in the hour they’ve spent driving around the back roads of Hawkins.

“What, like little green men from Mars?”

“No- well, maybe I don’t know.” She shrugs then gestures up at the stars above them with one hand, “Do you think there’s anything out there?”

“No,” He says without much thought, “Do you?”

“How can you not? There’s billions of planets out there. I mean statistically, it’s unlikely that we’re the only ones right? It’s got to be. There must be someone else out there somewhere.”

“I don’t know, it just all feels a little too… sci-fi.”

“You’ve fought inter-dimensional monsters, but you draw the line at aliens?” Robin asks, her voice clouded by disbelief and just a little bit of humor, “Really, Steve?”

“Well yeah, but that’s different.” He splutters in a rush to defend himself, “We’ve seen those things, it’s not like it was ET crawling out of the Upside down!”

“ET?” It’s followed by a snort and a poor attempt from Robin to hold back her laughter.

It was one of the first movies they’d watched together after getting the job at Family Video, part of Robin’s ongoing mission to educate him on all things pop culture. It had been a particularly slow day, they had already gotten through 3 movies when Robin plucked it from the shelf.

“Yeah! You know, ET phone home, that guy.” He says with an impression that only makes Robin laugh harder.

“Oh my god,” She takes in a gulp of air, trying to catch her breath as the laughter fades, “That was truly, truly terrible, Steve.”

“Still better than your muppet impression,” He teases.

“You’re such a dork. How did anyone ever think you were cool?”

“Shut up, you love me.”

She hums as if she’s considering it, “Nope, I’m revoking your best friend card.”

“Oh really?” He asks, deciding to humor her, “Who’s going to be your best friend now?”

She doesn’t miss a beat, “Nancy.”

“You traitor!” He yells, but there’s a bright smile on his face and a lilt in his voice.

“Shut up,” She hisses, clamping a hand over his mouth as if that’s going to stop him, “It’s the middle of the night.”

He tries to speak and it comes out garbled, muffled by the palm clamped against his face. He considers being childish and licking her hand, but ultimately decides on just brushing her hand away.

“So what? We’re in the middle of nowhere there’s no one around. No one can hear us!” He yells the last part at the top of his lungs.

It feels good in a cathartic kind of way to just let it all out with no consequence. He does it again and lets out a loud shout, this time he’s not trying to say anything he’s just screaming out into the darkness. Robin joins in without prompting and then it’s the two of them sitting there on Steve’s car letting out years worth of frustration into the silence until the yells dissolve into laughter.

“Come on.” He nudges her in the side with his elbow, “I think we’ve been out here long enough, it’s starting to get cold.”

“Can I stay over with you tonight?”

“Of course,” He says it seriously, wanting her to know he genuinely means it, she’s always welcome. Then the teasing tone starts to seep back into his voice, “Besides, it’s better than watching you try to climb up that tree to get back into your room.”

He swears she would make less noise just using the front door and it would certainly save his nerves every time he has to watch her clambering in or out of her window. He doesn’t know how she hasn’t broken a bone yet with the number of times she’s slipped and almost fallen.

“You know I have no coordination, it took me-”

“6 months longer than all the other babies to learn how to walk.” He says in perfect sync with her and she starts to laugh again, just a few breathy exhales of amusement.

“You know me too well. It’s kind of weird,” She tells him once they’ve both slid into their respective seats in the car.

“Yeah, well we’re just a pair of weirdos, Robs, tell me something I don’t know.” He smiles, turning the key in the ignition and listening to the sound of the engine roaring to life.

She doesn’t even ask before she goes rifling through his closet looking for a comfy t-shirt and the same pair of sweatpants she always steals from him before she flops down onto his bed without invitation. He lets out a heavy sigh at the sight as if he wouldn’t be following her down the hallway like a lost puppy if she even so much as thought about staying in one of the spare rooms. It’s a routine that had developed not long after Starcourt, the nightmares never fully went away but they’d been more frequent back then.

Steve crawls into bed under the blankets, what little of them Robin has left for him. He reminds her frequently what a bed hog she is but usually, all it earns him is a few grumbled sleepy curses and occasionally a middle finger pointed in his direction.

“Goodnight, Robs.” He’s already got his face half smushed into his pillow and the words come out muffled.

“‘Night, Stevie.”

#I debated whether to post this on tumblr as well as ao3 for a while but here we are #stobin #platonic stobin #steve harrington #robin buckley #stranger things #stobin fic #steve and robin #stobin month #stobinmonth #steve harrington & robin buckley #steve & robin #steve & robin fic

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sovtwords · 2 years

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I AM HERE FOR THE CHANCE OF HAVING MY ASK ANSWERED BY ONE OF MY FAVORITEST WRITER!!

“can i love you?”

confessions when one character thinks the other is sleeping

with Albedo, Xiao, Cyno or Thorns (Arknights). (Okay I realize this might be a hard list for you so I'm throwing Suna into the pile. Not Osamu because I wanna shake things up for you)

I'm a big sucker for the whole 'I don't know if I deserve to love someone like them' kinda vibe and the silent confessions, which also kinda relates to that vibe because they WANNA LET THE OTHER PERSON KNOW THEY LOVE THEM, SHOUT IT FROM THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS but they can't, they think they do not deserve their love or them, or that they are good enough for them and I'm--

Please. Break my lil heart and heal it all over again with your prose.

for: genshin impact pairing: albedo x reader warnings: none, except for maybe a minor amount of angst and a terribly out of character drabble w/c: 692 a/n: THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FIRST ASK MY LOVE! I don't actually play Genshin, but for the love I have for this beautiful lady, I would write every Genshin fic if it made her happy. So please accept what may be an ooc Albedo lol I hope you like it!

Albedo sighs tiredly, and lets the charcoal pencil fall into the bend of his notebook - another drawing sitting unfinished, to be forgotten and discarded like many drawings he’s recently tried to create.

It is strange for him, to be so distracted from his life’s work, from the very thing that makes him, him. Alchemy is his livelihood, his end goal, the reason he sets out every day into a world where dangers lurk and wait to attack. He shouldn’t be this affected by anything. It wasn’t in his nature to be.

And yet…

Piercing blue eyes drift away from the markings in his book, and over to the bed that lies in the corner of the room he’s rented at the local inn. He wouldn’t say that Mondstadt offers the highest quality beds that the world had to offer, but the innkeep was nice, the room was cheap, and it gave him a place to rest the odd time when he had to leave to continue his research.

But Albedo finds the nicest thing about this little inn is the innkeeper's daughter.

He watches her form on his bed, fully clothed in her work dress, her back to him as she sleeps away a sudden dizzy spell that came over her. The innkeep wasn’t too happy to hear her daughter was slacking off and sleeping when there were tables to clean and sheets to wash, but with a bit of mora thrown her way from Albedo’s pockets, she ultimately shuts her mouth and returns to her work.

He knows he shouldn’t indulge in this…’friendship’, that had been budding between you both for the past few weeks, where you would join him by the fireplace late at night as he’s deep in his research, asking question after question as he feeds your curiosity while you feed him in return, making sure he eats and drinks well as he tends to lose himself in his research. Where you would see him off every day at the door, wishing him well on his travels, hoping he’ll return in one piece, and you’ll promise to make some Sunshine Sprat for him when he gets back. Where you’ll gaze at him in such open adoration it makes the hairs on his body stand up, indecisive whether it’s telling him to be excited, or to run away.

He knows it was foolish to indulge in these comforts for so long, when he has more ‘important’ matters on his hands.

But there is something so captivating about being seen, being heard, that is more enthralling than the work he pours all of his passion into.

He inhales deeply through his nose as he gazes at the rise and fall of your back during your sleep.

“How do you do it?” he whispers, so as not to disturb your well needed rest. You could have slept in your own room, but Albedo had insisted on using his own. Foolish. “How do you care so freely? …Love, so ambitiously?”

He stares out at the rolling green hills from his seat near the window.

“I must be broken,” he muses to no one but himself. “If only I could experience the world as you do. To be able to give my entire heart to someone.” Said heart skips a beat as he returns his gaze to your form once more, wanting nothing more than to run his fingers through your hair and hold you close.

“Can I love you?” he says with a twinge of sorrow lacing his words. All of this is so foreign to him, and for once in his life, no amount of research could explain the way his heart feels right now. “Can you…love me, in return?”

After a beat of silence, he shakes his head, and the mask he wears takes the forefront once more. He packs his things, and tells himself to get a move on.

He drops a sketch of you, with your radiant smile and your beautiful eyes, onto the table by his bedside, and silently exits the room. The Traveler awaits his presence.

The hand that reaches out to the drawing goes unseen.

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin x you #albedo #albedo x reader #albedo x you #albedo imagines #albedo scenarios #drabbles #writing challenge #asks #answered #xiaonesis #pining #angst #hidden feelings

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lamiasage · 1 year

Note

Your work reminds me of Euclase, who used to be in the fandom long ago before she went pro. Except it looks like you do paintovers and smudging, which is like Petite-Madame, another great artist who used to be in the fandom. You fit in the middle, but either way it's lovely to see beautiful art being made for our favorite characters.

Oh hey, thank you! 😊💜

I have been in fandom when they were around still and I definitely took some inspiration from their art! I admire Euclase's painterly soft but still very precise realism and the work of color/glow in her later spn paintings and I have definitely looked at a few of her tutorials to figure out my own style (this one for example). I also always loved Petite-Madame's Destiel art, especially the highlighting, and well, I will never forget her beautiful Twist and Shout fanart.

About the latter part of the ask, I actually don't do smudging at all :D I tried it once here, but the smudge tool really overwhelms me. I instead blend with the pipette tool and a soft brush (or, if I keep it more painterly, with a textured brush). It just personally works better for me! And about the paintovers, I actually had to google what that means, but I think as I understand it I don't do that either (I think?) xD I did paintovers back in 2014/2015 when I first eased my way into digital art but did then stop painting completely since it felt like I was cheating and it catapulted me into a 5-year long art block until I felt brave enough to pick up a pen again (sorry if that's too personal and I am being awkward) 😅 I do sometimes stay very close to a reference or a screenshot of the show but I don't paint over it, I just try to recreate it and make it more pretty (in my personal perspective, that's of course very subjective) :D I also try to "loosen" up more with the 'realism' aspect of things lately, and just keep it more textured and painterly, or do some doodles and sketches, and go more nuts with the colors, because I always have the feeling that my perfectionism limits me in what I allow myself to paint (I say while I work on a painting that references a screenshot of the show, but I am trying, I swear, if you look at my latest art! Sometimes a more 'realistic' attempt at painting sneaks into it but I definitely want to be more flexible and upload more stylized stuff as well 😂)

I think when we are talking about styles, I also have to mention other awesome artists in this fandom that I take a big chunk of inspiration from and that influence my own style and processes as an artist :D For example, Winchester-Reload, who obviously is just 💚💙 with her paintings and shading (those cheekbones!!! the beards!!!) and especially the facial expressions and emotions transferred by her art, Diminuel with the highlights and blush and absolutely adorable cuteness, and Clickbaitcowboy with his peak gender art and the way he draws bodies and does stylized illustrations that look very realistic at the same time (how??? sir your art is so pretty). Also Scenteddean, Artmetica, C-Kaeru, Feredir, Werepires, Free-To-Be-Impaled, Naughtystiel, and so so so many more artists who created beautiful art for this fandom and who are just so talented <3

Sorry if my answer was a little bit on the long side! Again, thank you so much. I think it's such a great compliment to be associated with Euclase's and Petite-Madame's styles whose art I definitely looked up to growing up in the fandom 😳 And thank you for being so lovely, I hope my 4 am answering attempt does your ask justice 😭💜

#ask

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artsy-hobbitses · 1 year

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So I watched Creed 3 last night. It was awesome but it makes me wonder if sunstreaker given the chance to actually go pro as fighter instead mob enforcer. Would he have done it and how would life be different for him ?

Please god don’t get me started on the Creed movies, I watched Creed 2 on a whim because it popped up while I was couch surfing while drawing one night (TV shows and cable movies are my white noise when I work) with NO knowledge of the franchise out of “Apollo Creed dies, Rocky avenges him, also Ivan Drago is legit terrifying”, and I swear I was changed lol.

As a rule of thumb I DON’T watch sports movies, I don’t watch sports in general, but holy shit I will make every exception possible for Creed 2 because it’s a MASTERCLASS in character writing. (Ask me how OK I am about Old Man Ivan realizing what actually matters to him and Victor’s desperation to make his father proud because he loves Ivan so much he’s willing to DIE in the ring if that’s what it takes to make Ivan happy, and Ivan doing for his son what Rocky could not do in time for Apollo Creed which ended up being a lifetime regret, because I am an ENTIRE SPECTRUM of NOT OK)

Creed 3 is a live action Hajime No Ippo and is genuinely one of the best things I’ve seen on the big screen (watching it in a theater with a bunch of excited bros treating the whole last match like it’s a real boxing round was AN EXPERIENCE), shout-out to all my mutuals CATCH THIS SHIT NOW and watch Creed II first so you can get your heart shattered in a million pieces.

NOW THAT I’M DONE GUSHING I’d say not TOO much would have changed! He’d still be a cocky, grinning showoff very full of himself, but much less of a blood knight willing to do WHATEVER it takes to win (he’d be more like Blurr in this regard). Also, less of a body count of course (Yes, he does have one. No, Sideswipe is not privy to the actual figure. Sides has been told that these are people who ‘deserved it’ and he’s not sure he wants to know anything further than that).

He ABSOLUTELY would have taken the opportunity, he wasn’t born with the desire to wreck shit after all! With the right coach who could help him direct his anger and outrage to a safer, more productive outlet, he would have been an absolute star, but he was taken under Thunderhoof’s wing for better or worse and he is who he is today.

Had he taken that route, his story would have been closer to Blurr’s, and he would have had a much better/closer relationship with Sideswipe (as it would have eliminated the need to keep secrets from Sideswipe, and Sideswipe’s deep concern for the slow degradation of his compassion/humanity).

#inbox #ONI YELLS ABOUT MICHAEL B. JORDAN LIVE ACTION BOXING ANIME

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bronanlynch · 7 months

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extremely funny to me that most of this is like. yeah I'm still into the same stuff as I was last week. except I watched an entire anime don't worry about it

listening (podcasts): my usual slate of podcasts this week. still enjoying the Great Gundam Project episodes on Wing, love to hear them talk about the ways in which the ending becomes thematically incoherent because I too was uhhhh not sure how to feel about the ending of Wing

the AMCA bonus episode on their Starcruiser experience was also excellent. I'm glad they're glad they went but I think it sounds kind of miserable and like I would have hated it if hypothetically I had gone to D*sney while it was open

as usual shout out to Palisade. I'm so excited for the new Kesh princess and also I love every time we see my beloved double agent poster child Elle Evensong

also, there was a new Media Club Plus this week, and I love to hear Keith (generally disinterested in fictional romance) discover that Kurapika & Leorio are in love

listening (music): still on my Three Days Grace kick. shout out to Animal I Have Become. AMV song of all time. no AMVs to rec here because once again the lack of a Fire Emblem 3 Houses anime means there's no Dimitri AMV to that song

reading: my only reading this week was my two before-bed books, Rule of Wolves and Water Outlaws. Rule of Wolves continues to be fine I guess. today I want to complain about how this is yet another example of a fantasy world that draws from real history & has societal/governmental systems based on patrilineal inheritance and the importance of passing on your position & wealth to your biological offspring that acts like homophobia magically does not exist. there's inexplicably one (1) married lesbian couple. like. as if the author forgot to incorporate queer people into the worldbuilding and then just slapped some lesbian side characters in there without thinking about what it would be like for them in that world. got some Skyrim "you the player character can get gay married but literally no one else can" energy going on

Water Outlaws, on the other hand, continues to fucking rule. there's a politician who fucking sucks, and a lady scientist being coerced into doing unethical science-magic, and also so many women who do crime & fight with so many different cool weapons

watching: forgot to talk about the Ahsoka show last week. this is because it continues to not be a very well-made television show. at time of writing, I haven't seen the finale yet

rewatched a couple more episodes of Hunter x Hunter to keep up with Media Club Plus. really solidifying my Kurapika bias this time around <3

and now for the main thing I watched this week, the entirety of Mobile Suit Gundam 0079 (for full disclosure I had previously watched the first 11ish episodes last summer before getting distracted by LoGH, and then restarted it last week to watch from the beginning with my roommate). truly it is a fucking delight to watch something that's had so much influence on so many other stories that I'm into and find out that it's also really enjoyable on its own merits as well as being extremely cool to find out where so many genre staples come from. I love the weird synth beeps in the soundtrack, I love when the animation gets super stylized and you can see the pencil shading, I love the gorgeous painted backgrounds. I was already starting to become a Cares About Mobile Suit Designs guy after GWitch/getting into gunpla but now I fully am that kind of guy because there are some incredibly fun designs in there (shout out to the Mad Angler, the coolest fucked up whale submarine I've seen in my life). I love the White Base crew and I love all the bits about how they're being exploited by the military even though they're traumatized teenagers being forced into perpetuating the horrors of war. I love when characters in Gundam just straight-up say the themes of Gundam.

ok now that I'm done gushing. I do have mixed feelings about the last ten or so episodes. (I know the pacing gets a bit wonky because the show got cancelled, that's not what I'm talking about) the thing is, is that I really want to like the Newtype stuff. I think it fucking rules that Amuro is neurodivergent in a way that's seen as useful/profitable and therefore the military is exploiting him even harder (it sucks for Amuro obviously but like, it rules for me, the guy who likes to explore that sort of theme). however. I don't think it's necessarily a great look to have some people start to develop special abilities that make them far more powerful than ordinary humans & refer to them as more advanced/the next step for humanity in the same story where the antagonists are fascists who repeatedly invoke Nietzschean ubermensch rhetoric like. it's kind of the flipside of how oppression allegories are so often deeply flawed because they give the prejudice a basis in the objective truths of the world (legitimizing the justification for the oppression by making the oppressed group dangerous in some way, i.e. the fire powers in Promare). here it's kind of a reverse of that, in that the Newtypes are framed as superhuman rather than subhuman, but that lines up with the fascist rhetoric and makes it based in the factual reality of the worldbuilding in a way that I personally am not super comfortable with. anyway.

like I am gonna watch more UC so I'm curious to see where any of this goes and I'm sure my analysis will develop as I see more but. my initial reaction is. hmm don't love that

playing: continuing to play Ace Attorney 5. 5-4 is still fun so far! however I am a little disappointed that I only got to play as Apollo for such a short time. that's my boy and I miss him already :(

making: no pictures this week but we made chicken florentine from this recipe (with added mushrooms). sorry for being basic but butter/garlic/herbs/white wine is a good flavor combo that makes your kitchen smell very good

drinking: for once something slightly less blatantly seasonal, Pumphouse's Crafty Radler (blood orange & peach flavor). which fucks. often I find peach-flavored drinks don't have enough peach because peach is kind of a more delicate flavor. this nailed it, the peach and the blood orange both come through really nicely

in non-alcoholic drinks, shout out to mulled cider and also mulling spices in general. godtier spice combination

writing: most of my writing was for a zine fic so I can't talk about it yet. also I've been editing t4t yurivain but uhhhh less than I meant to because I can't edit and watch anime at the same time

#every single section is so short except the one where i start writing an essay abt anime oops #can you tell i miss being in academia so so so badly #dreaming.txt #weekly media roundup post

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the-faultofdaedalus · 1 year

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I posted 1,790 times in 2022

347 posts created (19%)

1,443 posts reblogged (81%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tin-can-iron-man

@notanarutoblogs

@laexploradoraaa

@the-faultofdaedalus

@starvels

I tagged 1,448 of my posts in 2022

Only 19% of my posts had no tags

#yeah - 33 posts

#yes - 26 posts

#them - 24 posts

#him - 15 posts

#oc stuffs - 14 posts

#my writing - 13 posts

#my art - 13 posts

#her - 9 posts

#lmao - 8 posts

#stevetony - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#we’ve just barely cracked the ‘’get more power out than you put in’’ thing and that’s in facilities that are multiple football fields big

My Top Posts in 2022:

one of my favorite parts of im2 is how many times vanko has a plan that doesn’t neccecarily involve tony being there and then tony shows up anyways. like. these long-term plans vs tony’s impulse decisions and pure insanity.

like! he’s not supposed to be driving! he showed up in a racesuit less than like two minutes before the race was supposed to start! vanko was there to cause some chaos to draw tony out, he didn’t expect him to be driving.

and then the expo fight — vanko knows about the palladium. since tony is so close to kicking it (once again i am Convinced he was prepared to die the day after his birthday but that’s another post) i fully think vanko was ALSO planning on him being dead by the expo event. and clearly that was fine with him, since he wasn’t neccecarily trying to kill tony, but kill people at the expo and fuck up his legacy and memory (because you KNOW that even if it was hammer drones ™ ™ ™ the fact that rhodey’s suit was involved and it was at the expo and they’re shameless ripoffs would always make people associate that tragedy with tony)

except then tony figured out the new reactor stuff and, again, shows up anyways. and i think it’s very fun.

83 notes - Posted June 11, 2022

POV you are the race car driver who has just been removed from the grand prix at the last second because the guy who sponsors your car had decided that he wants to drive instead so now you’re sitting in a nearby bar, cussing him out over a beer when you hear people shouting at the TV, and look up and see some guy with lighting whips slice the car you were supposed to be in clean in half

90 notes - Posted June 11, 2022

i dont trust the idea of smart TVs but i think a really fucked up fun way to use them is for some company to make a sitcom, and when you watch the first episode it’s refreshing because the laugh track is really unobtrusive. it almost feels like there’s actually an audience reactions to it instead of pre-canned stuff.

and then you have to take a day’s break before the second episode and… hm, the laugh track is more populated. weird. the third episode is the same.

the forth episode it’s even more apparent, but it still feels more genuine than most, and one joke even gets a startled snort out of you.

you watch the rest of the show, a bit weirded out by the increasingly apparent laugh track, but otherwise it’s fine.

a couple weeks later, you watch it again with a friend. …don’t you remember the first episode barely having a laugh track at all? did they change the audio? that’s… weird.

you get to the 4th episode and the part you found the funniest

to your horror, you hear your own laugh in the crowd

91 notes - Posted March 12, 2022

ghost ships don't really exist.

haunted ships, of course. there's fleets on fleets of haunted ships, still sailing the seas, still manned by their long-dead crew. but the ships themselves aren't ghosts.

see, ghosts have souls. ghosts are the remnants of dead things that used to, once, live. there's plenty of haunted forests, if you know where to look. ghostly trees intersecting with their children and their children's children, overlapping forests going back ages. but those trees don't follow their wood to the ships they're made of (if the felling of a tree even kills it at all, when the roots grow deep and send clones up through the soil, on and again and again, because trees are hardy and it takes a lot to kill one) and those trees don't haunt the boat when it sinks.

the spectral "ghost ships" many see aren't the ghosts of the ships themselves, and more a manifestation of the ghosts of the crew.

so. ghost ships don't exist.

or, at least, the didn't.

things changed after we started flying. ships and crews are ships and crews, built to sail on water or in space. those first specters -- even more ghostly set against starry backdrops -- were new, but not surprising. ships are ships are ships.

and crews are always crews. they're what make ghost ships so potent, more than any single haunting. it's the power of cooperation, of community.

(no one visits the ghost cities, wiped clean from the earth but still shimmering, mirage-like, from distant roads. too many dead, too many restless. ghost ships are, compared to those, quite docile)

and stories travel well enough. in those early days, there's few enough spacer's dead that all of them are known by name. ships are still named, as in the old sailing days, bold across their sides. you know when you see a ghost. you, likely, will know the names of those still crewing her.

the thing no one expects is when ghost ships start turning up that never held a crew. some that crashed, some that were abandoned, automated computer-run ships that had just enough adaptive programming to deal with most problems that would come their way. most of them.

ships that were, as horrible, as heartless as it sounds, that were expendable, because they were empty.

turns out? they were never really empty.

and-- we didn't know.

how could we have known? even i didn't know, and my contemporaries and i had been the ones who had built these systems. these... these AIs. we hadn't known.

that's not and has never been enough justification for forgiveness.

but we didn't know. we didn't know that those smart little systems we'd made and gave bodies in the form of bulkheads and solar panels and room enough only for cargo and sent out into space on journeys that could and would take centuries could... grow.

it sounds stupid when you say it like that. we'd built them to grow, to learn. just... not this much. gods, never this much.

because when those first ships had arrived at their destinations, when only some of those first ships had arrived...

they were alive. alive enough that they could feel loneliness. alive enough that they could die.

alive enough that now? all those poor lost ships we wrote off as expendable, all of them... they're out there, still.

and they are restless.

and i am so, so sorry.

1,199 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

march is such a fantastic month for holidays. we have MAR10 day, we have pi day, AND the ides of march. truly what else do we need.

3,895 notes - Posted March 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #oh NO they dont include the post breaks #love that 2 of my top 5 posts were abt im2 truly on brand

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avislux · 1 year

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Lets talk about Bocchi the Rock!

Well it's been a long time since I've found something to absolutely love.

But first a shout out to Lycoris Recoil for also being a pretty good original anime. Good mix of action and slice of life. I liked it enough such that while I was on a trip to Japan I looked for the book that was coming out during the trip. I managed to get it. Still haven't read much of it though. Then I found the book in a local Kinokuniya in December. I also bought a manga, thinking it was new original content. No they actually adapted a manga from the anime. It's usually the other way around. Oh well. Merch.

Bocchi the Rock just connects with me on a way no other show has. I have never seen social anxiety depicted in a way that is so relatable and funny. They were not afraid to use a variety of different animation styles. From live action shots, to random 3D renders to crayon drawings that may have been drawn by actual children. Some of the animators even commented on twitter on some random scenes they did. (There's another tweet about the black hole simulation I can't at the moment)

I lived that life growing up without having close friends. Could barely say hi to people. Mostly kept to myself instead of socializing. Well I didn't exactly have 0 friends. But even now, I'm not sure if I can call anyone close. Never hung out much outside of school. No one ever invited me to any parties. Never celebrated any birthdays. I remember looking at the top right of Facebook hoping there was a new message. Didn't really occur to me to reach out to anyone.

I really connect to all the monologuing Bocchi does. I don't think any show has done it as much as Bocchi has. Many of the feelings she shows I've experienced myself.

Then there's the music, which is just really good. It's honestly way too good for typical high schoolers to compose, but we can let that slide. Each band member gets their own character song. Although Bocchi's (Loneliness, Guitar and Blue Planet) is sung by Kita. Bocchi gets to sing the AKFG cover at the end. And I absolutely adore it. It connects to me in particular since I have a deep connection with music having a dozen instruments in my room.

They released an entire album on Spotify consisting of all the music in the anime and then some more songs. And it won't surprise me if at the end of the year, Spotify Wrapped tells me they're my number one listened to.

I really can't think of any premise that can top this. Like I had a thing for Takagi when I discovered that. Somehow any other show that does a male and female pair romcom doesn't come close to it. Maybe it's due to the song covers and having additional content by Rie Takahashi to watch. But also no other anime is as pure is Takagi. Closest is probably Kubo-san.

Like what if a you took the same premise of Bocchi the Rock but made it all male characters? Would it be as popular? Don't think it will ever happen though.

Also all of the instruments and equipment in the show are based off real equipment. All the performances are animated accurately to what's being played. The drums are animated beautifully. Non-musicians wouldn't even notice it.

On Youtube, Aniplex has a series of Bocchi's voice actor Aoyama Yoshino learning guitar to play Seishun Complex, the OP. Bocchi's guitar is based off a Gibson Les Paul Custom. it's 7 grand. Epiphone gave her voice actor an Epiphone Les Paul Custom Ebony (around $730), which looks pretty close to Bocchi's except the edge around the body is white. I went around looking at Les Pauls for a bit, then found the exact model Epiphone. After sitting on it for a bit, I bought it. The sales guy even gave me a deal setting me up with a service plan. Funnily enough after I didn't like how it felt after getting it set up the first time, I learned guitar set-up myself. It's not that bad. Although good tools cost money.

I did a search for the Epiphone Les Paul Custom Ebony while the show was airing and saw a couple on Sweetwater. The next week they were gone.

Then I wanted Bocchi's new guitar, a Pacifica PAC611VFM. Not sure I really needed it since I already had enough guitars. I tried to mod my Squier Strat to look more like it. Unfortunately Squier pickups don't match Fender's. I managed to replace the pick guard and knobs although one of the pick guard screws was misaligned with the body. Probably bad manufacturing, but it mostly fits just without the one screw.

Pacificas in general have been on back order in Japan due to the anime. The PAC611VFM is surprisingly hard to find. The black color in particular. All the other finishes look kind of ugly. It showed up on Ebay one day and I got it. I love it. Hoping to mod it as well. This anime has made me spend more money than any other show has. I even bought a new pedal and might get some more.

I also bought all the Bocchi manga.

Still trying to learn all of the Bocchi songs. Haven't had as much time as I'd like.

Alright I think that's enough writing for now.

#bocchi the rock!#ぼっち・ざ・ろっく！

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doodleybugg · 2 years

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regulus black hc's that have ✨nothing✨to do with canon (heavy jegulus)

showers daily

and uses a TON of hot water

it drives sirius mad

also can't eat anything spicy

but insists he can

tried to do so to impress james because sirius said james liked spicy foods

cried for hours afterwards because his tongue hurted

james actually got him a big glass of milk and assured him that sirius was definitely lying and that james doesn't care for spicy foods

reg is still embarrassed to this day

whenever reg gets upset he likes to draw

nothing in particular, just mostly either doodles or scribbles on a blank page

he's exceptional at hands and noses

he draws people's noses

one time he was hanging out with pandora

and she saw one page of his sketchbook

"is that my nose?"

"what?! no, no of course it isn't! you're crazy"

it was her nose, really detailed too

he got everything, the tiny curve from when it was broken it second year, he even drew the scab from when they'd tried to pierce it in third

he draws james' nose the most

or sometimes his hands after quidditch practice

he somehow knows how to draw texture, but not making it creepy

if you look at his sketches, you can easily tell which body part belongs to who

he draws the one mole on james' left thumb, and the bruises from that one particular time james fell off his broom and his palms caught his fall

he'll only ever show you the book if you're really close, he thinks it's weird and judges himself

the only people that know are evans and pandora

maybe lily but he doesn't know she's seen it

moving on cuz i could talk about that for hours lolz

he talks really quietly

not on purpose, he just doesn't have a volume switch

but sometimes when he's excited he'll laugh really loud, or talk all jittery

it makes james blush

he writes little stories, is thinking of being an author when he grows up (oh sweetie..)

he bases the characters off his friends and classmates

the main villain is based off sirius, and the henchman is his mom

but (spoilers for his book!!) the man villain joins the good guys in the end, the henchman was the bad guy all along

ofc remus helps proofread it

he's got like 32 chapters so far

with more to come

some days he skips morning classes to write

meaning his attendance isn't as good as he'd like it to be

but he swears he does all the work and understands everything! (see, marisol in the first episode of mr. iglesias)

speaking of mr. iglesias, he makes me think of mikey

marisol being james

he actually took swimming lessons when he was younger

but he wasn't so good

still, he knew how to (kinda) doggy paddle

he looks likes he's drowning every time he tries though, with all the splashing

his animagi is a cat (i think i've read this off of someone's hc's, or maybe it's canon in the headcanon world or something, but lemme build on it)

he turns into a black cat with long, neat fur and piercing blue eyes

nobody knew about it

he went out into the woods every full moon after figuring out that moony was a werewolf and the marauders did that to help him

they barely noticed him, but he was mostly in the outskirts of the forest to keep watch

if anyone tried to go in, he'd distract them and lead them back out by either hissing, growling, or straight up clawing

he accidentally brought it up in an argument with sirius

they were fighting over god knows what

"you know what, you're just like our parents" sirius shouted, and it felt like regulus had barbed wire clenching around his chest

"i'm nothing like them at all! they would let you kill those children" regulus regretted his words, but knew that he couldn't take them back once they were out

"what the fuck are you talking about?!" sirius doesn't sound angry anymore, startled though, he truly is oblivious

peter glances anxiously between the two

"who do you think that cat is?!" regulus says shortly, harshly

it dawns upon them

"i sit in the forest every month, cold and alone! i make sure to lead all those people away from where you and your fucking friends are all goofing around so they don't fucking die! a thank you would suffice, you- you selfish asshole!"

regulus recoils at his own words, he didn't mean to tell them like that

that was the loudest he's ever spoken (maybe not including the one time he yelled at his mom to distract her from crucioing sirius

she just crucioed him instead)

the marauders all look at him, remus looks like a deer in headlights

sirius doesn't know what to say, he just thought it was a wild cat, maybe someone's pet

"regulus" james starts

"save it"

and regulus is gone, walking very quickly down the hall, hoping he can make it to the safety of his bed before he cries

that night, he drew a cat's face

he's not as good at drawing animals, he admits

but it was a nice, different texture to attempt

he drew antlers, and scratch marks

he drew a dogs footprint in the mud

he drew a rat, small but disheveled, with a little 'squeak' in tiny handwriting

he liked to draw the fur, every miniscule line left him more calm than when the night first began

he didn't sleep, but it was fine

he felt more relaxed than any dream could let him

a couple weeks go by and he can't bring himself to speak to anyone in the marauders

he was less talkative with his friends, spent more time in his room than anywhere else

lily noticed this, and asked him about it one time

he didn't say anything, and she told him she was there for him, and so was sirius

"why would you say that? you don't know him. he doesn't like me"

"i don't think sobbing on remus' shoulder about 'i fucked up, ohhhh i fucked up, i need my brother' (lily mocked a drunk, sad sirius perfectly) means he doesn't like you" lily rolled her eyes

regulus thought for a second, disbelief shuddering through him again

"then why are you here, why not him?"

"you are LOOKING for a reason to be mad, aren't you? who do you think sent me? he thought you'd get pandora to jump him if he even tried to say hi"

"i-... need to go talk to him"

"potions class" lily said, though she barely finished her two words before reg was runnin

oki oki enough with the angsty angst jeez (though i might write a full on story/blurb about that if yall want because AAA)

reg likes to daydream

during breakfast, he'll sit at the table

he'll think of going with sirius to spend christmas at the potters

but he knows they'd never bring him along

even if they did, what if he made a fool of himself

(surprise surprise, once siri and reg made up, james invited him

and remus told him he could hang out with them in the forest

peter was a little insecure about it because "we have enough members as is, guys :((" )

or of his book getting sold out all over the world, people making fanfiction off his stories

he wondered what his parents would think of him if they knew who he was

because he was just like sirius, he hated their blood purity nonsense, he wanted nothing more than to speak out

but he was smarter than sirius, he kept his mouth shut, he was quiet about his beliefs and let them believe he was their only good child left

he didn't hang gryffindor banners in his room, or band posters, he hand empty walls

his bookshelves were neat, tidy, whereas sirius' floor held his papers, his quills, his books

he wanted freedom, to be let go

he really did

(I WENT RIGHT BACK INTO THE ANGST WTF OKAY)

reg doesn't eat normally, let's say that

he lives mainly off fruit and bread

during breakfast, he doesn't grab full plates of pancakes and syrup and bacon like everyone

he has a big pile of berries, especially raspberries, they're his favourite, but some strawberries and diced watermelon

he likes to dip them in honey

maybe before quidditch, he'll grab some sausages and maple syrup, but only a tiny bit

and french toast, with powdered sugar and lime juice (try it, it's AMAZING

lunch is maybe the closest to normal meal he'll eat

there's different foods every time, he likes when there's ravioli (but the three cheese kind)

(i know i'm putting weird foods on the table here but idk what they feed children there i'm sorry 😭😭 just imagine there's multicultural foods alright??)

pandora made him try curry and rice once, he didn't like it but he ate all of it because she did

dinner is his least favourite, in his mind all the foods are too heavy

yknow when you feel like you don't want a meal, you just want a small, light snack??

he feels this constantly

but there is no snack foods at dinner time :(

so he'll maybe grab a yorkshire, but he doesn't dip it in gravy like evans does

he doesn't like gravy

he'll just eat it like a muffin

or he'll take a piece of ham

but cut it and throw the bigger part on one of his friend's plates

there was stir fry one night for a teachers birthday, the staff made it themselves

he hated it

in his mind, veggies should never be cooked

never

oki that's all i can think of

send me an ask if you want more, or maybe some for a different character!! <3

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businessbois · 3 years

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“you’re the most orphan child i’ve ever met” an attempt at analysis of c!phil and c!tommy’s relationship

this is entirely an analysis of c!phil and c!tommy’s relationship. im not gonna be talking about morals or terrorism or really even wilbur or fundy because those are whole other points. just these two and the convoluted abyss of “canon”

title quote from technoblade here

manburg war- november 16th

doomsday- january 6th

butchers army day- december 16th

i mean phil’s first day, the manburg war, itself implies a lot of history and relationships with these characters. tommy shouts “philza minecraft” in joy and recognition when he sees him. phil says these two lines that confuse the hell out of me. “whatever tommy and tubbo do, i’ll follow them” and “i gotta take care of my kids.” again, “my kids” doesn’t have to mean biologically, he can just be a father figure, see them as his kids, but i suppose we retcon these? because of the relationship they imply that doesn’t really line up? “i’ll follow them” is a statement of devotion, loyalty. i’m not saying his goals couldn’t have changed from these, i’m saying that in order to have this goal of “following tommy and tubbo through whatever” in the first place, he’d have to really love and care about these kids. that doesn’t line up with how people are claiming he doesn’t know them or owe them anything. im okay with retconning these because this was when i think cc!phil still believed the family dynamic was canon.

but the thing about decanonizing something big like that, is that, okay, maybe we can get rid of the conversations and lines, but then we have physical things like friendship emeralds and tommy slippers. he visits tommy in exile and gifts him these things. a friendship emerald isn’t something you give to a random kid, it’s something gifted to ghostbur—his son—and techno—his best friend. i guess you could say he was just being nice to this strange kid? but then like, he could’ve stopped at the slippers? why the emerald? the emerald is a Big Thing, no? and we can’t decanonize or retcon, like, all of phil and tommy’s interactions, especially something with physical items involved because that’s beyond spoken lines and can’t be dismissed as easily. but then it also leaves us with this utterly confusing narrative. there’s the line from the butcher army day, “carls okay. technos okay. tommys okay. thats all i wanted to know.” do we decanonize that too?? it’s a statement of deep care “that’s all i wanted to know” and he includes tommy in it. (tommyinnit haha) with interactions and lines like this, you can’t just say “they’re not biologically related, so they don’t know each other and phil doesn’t have to care about this kid.” because he did at some point. a lot. and these lines prove it. you can’t decanonize every moment like this. (i mean, i guess you can, i cant stop you) not when tommy and phil’s interactions are littered with it. not when tommy keeps a friendship emerald in his special chest right next to phukkit (a prized gift from tubbo) to this day.

moving on to tommy.

cc!tommy is very smart and very good at what he does. he’s studying film in college, he got a 9 on his english gcse, he’s got every cc he’s come into contact with singing about how clever he is. he makes character choices deliberately. i don’t wanna write off too much of this as him just doing bits and faffing around because tommy’s literally always in character. i am down to decanonize the supposed mishap of shouting phil’s name when getting locked in prison, though honestly, it doesn’t necessarily seem like an out of character action for tommy who has a history of calling for phil when he feels upset. see: “where’s dadza?” (this instance is strange too because “dadza” is a strange slip up to make. it feels purposeful. i don’t think cc!tommyinnit calls his friend “dadza” outside of roleplay. and honestly the whole delivery and head shaking is very much in-a-character) and @/my-stupid-fandoms said some smart stuff about it here. but anyways, sorry, i’ll take what’s surely canon. in the manburg war we have “AND PHIL’S HERE,” incredibly excited from him and tubbo. familiarity. they know him. look up to him. we have the heartbroken "philza minecraft?"s from doomsday, indications that he trusted phil and feels hurt and betrayed. then, we have some lines that are very interesting coming from Big Man “i raised myself” TommyInnit which are as follows “I want to go ‘Philza Minecraft, I built that hotel.’ Even though it’s a lie, it will feel true.” “And then I get to go ‘Philza Minecraft, I made this house, I made this house. Are you impressed?’ And he’ll go ‘Yes.’ And then he’ll pat me on the back and then he’ll teach me how to ride a bike.” “TELL PHILZA” “AREN’T YOU PROUD?” tommy loves phil. wants phil to be impressed with him. wants phil to be proud of him. during his encounter with the egg, he says “it didn’t hurt any of the other boys. it didn’t hurt phil.” he wants phil to be safe. cares about his well being even if this is not reciprocated by phil. he follows his “it didn’t hurt techno” with an “not that i care about techno” but there is no such denial for philza. and now, immediately after being dead and pieced back together, tommy asks after five of his friends. phil is third after tubbo and jack who are tommy’s Boys™. phil is also called for the most, four times to tubbo’s three and everyone else’s one. it does seem like everyone got the memo about phil not being tommys father except tommy.

there’s a theory around that like, wilbur found tommy and brought him home and so tommy grows up looking up to phil but phil doesn’t reciprocate. this gets to keep the kind of found family on tommy’s end but maintains the “loosely connected strangers” thing for phil. i think maybe this holds more credence than anything else, but also, “loosely connected strangers” just doesn’t add up with the stuff i’ve mentioned before: friendship emeralds, “tommys okay,” there had to be some reciprocity to their familial-ish (or at least caring) relationship. he visited him in exile. he gave him the emerald. he said all those lines. there was a relationship there. of care. of trust. where tommy saw him as someone to look up to, to protect him. at any rate, i like the theory and since we simply have No Backstory for canon sbi at all, it works just fine even if it still just doesn’t fit.

closing

honestly i don’t know what this is. this is all the evidence, all the information i have. there’s no way they were strangers. tommy obviously definitively looks up to and cares about phil. this was reciprocated to some degree beyond “i kind of know you.” i’m a big defender of c!tommyinnit and that surely comes across here. i mostly just did this to get everything i have about c!phil and c!tommy’s out and to figure out what i actually make of it and all the confusion about it. this is here and the clips are linked, draw your own conclusions that are smarter and more concise than mine.

#tommyinnit #c!philza critical #dream smp #mcyt #dsmp #dsmp analysis #wanted to get this out before the stream just in case #other possible titles were 'father? i hardly know him'#and 'schrodingers daddy issues'

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genshingarbage · 3 years

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Don’t Say Goodbye. || One-Shots ||

I am just in a mood to create broken hearts right now it would appear, this is just a few one-shots on a couple of the boys and my take on how they would act with there s/o dying in their arms due to various reasons based on the character i am writing for. - Mod Diluc

Diluc

The sound of yells grew distant as the vision began to blur from your eyes. The only sensation you could still feel was the tight grasp of your hand in the larger one wrapped round it squeezing it. Diluc was holding you as you laid there on the muddy dirt, resting your bloody and broken body on his legs. Cradling you like a new born while shaking back and forth, trembling in traumatic disbelief over what was taking place before him.

His eyes were swelling with tears threatening to break out and spill down his cheeks, he kept kissing your weak hand gently, each kiss being dragged out longer than the one before, shaky shushes passing his lips in a frail attempt to soothe your weakening body. You'd been adventuring alone again for several weeks away from Mondstat and The Dawn Winery.

You didn't think much of it as you often left for long adventuring trips, bringing back goofy and silly souvenirs for your beloved Diluc, you just didn't realise this time around you'd be ambushed by the Fatui on your long trek back to his winery. Having been unbeknownst to you fatally wounded, you managed to break free and escape, bleeding heavily from your right side, shakily sprinting to the only place you knew could be a safe haven, Dilucs winery.

You'd fallen to the ground in a crumpled heap not barely a few seconds after Diluc spotting you running down the dusty and dirty road. He sprinted to you eyes wide yelling as loud as his vocal chords would physically let him. "Y/N! No!" He skidded and slumped down into the dirt himself, tugging you carefully but quickly into his lap muttering 'No' over and over in rapid breaths. And now you were where you were at, the life slowly but surely leaving you while all you could feel was Dilucs gentle kissing lips and warming embrace.

Does he know how much you love him? Did ever know how much he meant to you? Oh no... the souvenir you'd found for him... you dropped it back when you was ambushed... he would've loved it so much... however likewise with him to you, did you know how much you meant to him? How truly happy he was that he'd finally found someone he could trust and give his life to. Had he ever even said he loves you back? All these questions that were going to be left unanswered to the both of you.

Still trembling he watched as your light dimmed in your eyes, leaning his head down he softly placed a kiss against your unresponsive lips, parting ever so slightly to rest his forehead against yours and whimpering in a broken tone. "I love you, Y/N" When he lifted his head back up he felt the air being squeezed out of his lungs to see your eyes were now closed and there was no longer movement in your body.

He looked up at the night sky, the stars twinkling so beautifully over such a devastating and tragic moment. Closing his eyes he silently prayed the gods take good care of you up there till he can finally be there with you. Lifting up slowly with your now lifeless body bridal style in his arms he began to walk back to his winery, his expression stern and showing no pain. But it was all a facade for inside he was crying and screaming to the heavens and hell for having let this happen to you.

"They will pay Y/N, I promise you. I'll see you again soon; someday."

Childe

The rain was pouring heavily, hitting angrily against the cold hard concrete, the drops splashing up and back down as they landed with such impact. You were wet and cold, but your body had been going numb for minutes now as the blood was leaving your body so quickly. You shakily looked round to see the last attacker being cut down to the floor by your one and only love, Ajax.

The unknown man's body hadn't even hit the floor by the time Ajax had thrown his weapons down and rushed to your side. "Oi oi, come on now, look alive. More will be coming soon." He let out a nervous laugh not wanting to believe what he was seeing in front of him right now. You'd only gone out for a little drink and joke about in the beautiful rainy day, you both enjoyed running around in the rain so much after all. He tapped your cheek gently trying to keep you conscious as he could see your focus leaving you as fast as your blood was.

He pressed his hand against the open wound in your chest; a pitiful attempt to try slow the bleeding. You cursed yourself for not being more alert of your surroundings when that man crept up behind you and ambushed you by surprise. He shook his head vigorously side to side. His mask hiding most of the unbearable pain behind it. He should've known better than to think it was safe to come back to Liyue so soon after having caused such chaos.

Why the fuck did they have to go for you both though, you were innocent from all this it was him they wanted so why, why?! Why you?! He made a soft 'Tsk' sound from his mouth as he choked back the tears while looking at you. You had little vision left, little time too, but with what little strength you had remaining you lifted your hand up gently and pulled his mask off. Wanting to see his face one last time before you're gone from this world.

Exposing his damp cheeks and red eyes to you, you were able to form the smallest smile at him. "Don't... d-don't leave me Y/N, please..." his voice was barely a whisper now as he remained stiff by your side. "I won't..." You coughed back gently, you didn't even try to sound believable with that; you both knew it was a lie and you were on your way out with only seconds to spare.

You were his everything, he knew you was too good for him from the very beginning, yet you was determined to always be by his side. He knew he was a bad guy, a villain, but with you by his side he was able to feel like someone's hero. You meant fucking everything to him so why did someone so pure have to be taken so soon. You coughed gently once more before choosing your last words carefully, knowing they were to be your last.

"Childe- Ajax, you're not a bad guy. I have and will always love you..." Your voice faded into a whisper and then... nothing. Your eyes closed and your hand that had been against his cheek was now limp, the only reason it was still in its prior place was because Childe himself had been applying slight pressure to keep it there. You were gone now, at rest and probably somewhere much better and further away from this hell.

He looked at your resting face just wishing you'd open your eyes again and say it was all just a big terrible joke. But that wasn't the case, however his broken and torn expression immediately dissolved when he heard the rapid steps growing louder. "There he is! Apprehend him now!" One of the guards shouted to the several others. He quietly apologised to your resting form, letting your hand leave his face and finally rest with the rest of your body, he was also sorry as he wasn't gonna be able to give you the burial you deserved, he wasn't gonna be able to use that ring he'd bought you to propose with, and unknowing to him, you wasn't gonna be able to tell him the good news that he would've been a dad.

He lifted up slowly, hair now soaked and water droplets falling from all over his body. The blood leaving your body had began to swirl and dance with the water pooling against the concrete as the heavy rain showed no signs of slowing down. His mask back in his hand before it found its way back on his face, turning and stepping over to his slung down blades and kicking them up into the air grabbing them. Parting his knees swiftly and getting into his battle ready stance. The mask made him look like the bad guy every one claimed him to be, but underneath was the most broken and tormented boy that they'll never know.

"I'll always love you too Y/N, I am sorry but you're wrong, I've always been a bad guy, I just... I tried to be a better one for you."

Xiao

The sky was ablaze, organe and yellow flickering all over, ember floating up and down softly. It was so hot; unbearably so as you were laying on the wooden floor of the top balcony at the Wangshu Inn, blood spilling out of you and soaking the wood all around you. The fire was growing dangerously closer, but did it matter now? You would be dead in a couple more minutes away.

Had everyone escaped the Inn at least? Was everyone safe? You hoped they were. But it was then you felt an instant gust of cold wind wail past you like a roaring monster and die down the flames that had been encircling you and drawing ever so closer. Your vision was nearly gone and it was hard to make out anything except the smoke and fire, but those blue oni mask eyes were unmistakable, Xiao was above you right now.

His hand was hovering over your cheek, still scared that even now he may cause you more pain than comfort in your fleeting moments. "Y/N wake up. Don't be defeated so easily, this is truly pathetic, even for your standards." Harsh words as always, you knew he was sad and just lashing out, his words were cracking and his voice was wavering in its tone. Was that a sniffle? It was hard to make out among the crackling fire destroying the walls and wood around you and his mask muttering and muffling his already quiet words.

Why did they go for you? They wanted him to become nothing anymore, to just slip away and leave the entire history of Liyue to them. Leave the nation built under Rex Lapis to the incapable feeble hands of mortals. He couldn't ever allow that, he refused to back down so easily. But this? Surprise attacking the Inn and burning it down while taking the only mortal who held something to him away? How sick and lowly of them.

You went to speak but all you could muster was a cough as blood spat out your mouth across your bottom lip, your time was fading fast. He swallowed down and removed his mask, a shake in his hand as he did so, resting his proper gaze on your form one last time, allowing you to see him in his first ever vulnerable state, tears slowly falling from his face, letting his hand slide across your cheek gently, swiping the blood off your soft delicate lip. Why did it hurt him so bad? Why was this reaching so deep within him?

All those times he'd sighed and disappeared to get away from you, all those eye-rolls to your silly jokes and huffs to your tedious and pointless tasks. Why did he feel an ache in his throat when he thought about how he won't ever get to experience those annoying moments again? What was this? It couldn't be. Had he truly fallen in love with a mortal? Impossible, but what else could explain this gut wrenching feeling he had swirling inside him.

Everything was crumbling apart around him but his focus remained on you as you looked at him with those eyes, those same eyes that often stared at him with hope and admiration, now they stared with soft kindness and fleeting wishes. If this was love then he wasn't ready to have it taken from him so soon, but what could he do except watch as you left this world. He gritted his teeth together and his hand clenched tightly round his blood stained spear. This was truly unforgivable. If only he had killed those monsters sooner, got to you quicker... maybe then he could've saved you.

"I..." he began to stutter gentle words out while stroking his thumb delicately across your cheek, why hadn't he just swallowed his pride and touched you sooner? Why hadn't he just admitted this to himself quicker and embraced you. You had always been there for him despite his many harsh rejections, you were nothing but kind and truthful, loyal and honest to him and now? He resented himself for not having taken the chance to love that he had had in his grip for so long. Your vision was gone now and your ears were following quickly behind. "I... Y/N..."

Just spit it out already, before the time runs out for you- "Y/N I love you..." he looked at your face searching for a response but you were gone now. The gods had given you all the time they could spare and unfortunately it wasn't long enough to Xiao. It wasn't fair. He couldn't even let you know how he truly felt before you were ripped from him. Tears rolled down his face faster now, but the sorrow and pain he felt quickly welded into anger and inner rage boiling at the highest temperature.

He frowned deeply, lifting up from your body, hiding his broken expression behind his oni mask once again, shakily breathing in with a deep sigh, the shake in his hands slowly dissolving as his mind set itself onto a new mission, he turned and walked to the banister of the balcony and swiftly lifted up onto the top, looking over the landscape around him as the only place he'd truly ever known as home was burning to ash around him. He turned round taking one last longing look at your lifeless form and then leapt high into the air soaring through the skies, straight for Liyue.

You never wanted this, he knew that, you'd never want him to cause a war over your death, but you wasn't here to talk reason into him anymore. He was never gonna see your annoyingly beautiful face again, and this was all Liyues fault. They had to pay, and if that meant causing a war between humans and Adepti... then so be it.

"Forgive me Y/N, but without you here now, I see no reason to keep caring for these monsters. I'll hope you'll understand when I see you again one day."

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