#IM SO SORRY i dont know how to do a read more on mobile | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

321sluggie · 8 months

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mentions of weight loss in tags

#sorry I don’t know how to do a read more on mobile but this might be a lil distressing to read idk #I haven’t bought a scale nor have I looked at one in months. but a friend had one and I used it #and I’ve lost more a those lbs #I just. look fucjing frail now #I’d suspected maybe I’d lost a bit. but not nearly as much as I have #every time I eat now I get horrible cramps. I thought I was managing it but I guess I’ve been avoiding more than I thought #I keep telling my doctors and they keep saying that unless I feel bad I’m fine #and like. I do feel bad. lol #and so they just tell me to wait until my follow up in October #I’m glad it’s not too far now but I just feel like none of these people care #I dont know why but no medical professional I’ve spoken with has been concerned about my weight loss but like.#I’m 6’ and 120lbs. this isn’t right #I think it’s just fatphobia. like these people will tell a healthy fat person to lose weight no matter what #and losing weight is always ‘good’#the surgeon who did my top surgery just sent me a survey about body image and I don’t know if I should fill it out #I’m so glad I did top surgery. but the rest of me is just. skeleton featuring débilitating pain #I DONT FEEL VERY SEXY DOCTOR IM SORRY

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fagboyfriend · 3 months

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i rlly like ur composition, i wanna know about your process :D

thank uuu !! yeah so like. composing a scene for me generally begins with a vague idea that i want to get down as quickly as possible- and for me that usually starts with finding a setting. I knew that i wanted to draw a) a group of roomates gossiping in a crowded kitchen and i wanted there to be b) one figure in the extreme foreground and c) lots of plants. i do use some tools to figure out perspective, mainly the csp perspective ruler. Usually i start by finding a picture i like similar to the vibe im going for- but instead of referencing anything else- im purely interested in perspective. sorry to anyone who is shocked i dont generate all of my perspective purely by myself- i can draw in perspective fairly well but i struggle to make straight lines and this is easier to make grids with than the line tool lol ^_^ i try to use it kinda more like spellcheck on typos than like something to fully rely on. this is the video i learned this trick from:

i saw the left photo and realllly loved how the cabinets alligned with the wall- so i used my ruler tool to draw out my inital plotted points from the image- basically the linear movements i was most interested in and then i turned off the image layer and worked with those lines and the ruler tool to move on. eventually i had this:

which was enough for me to put my characters in for the inital round. if you notice- i made a looot of further adjustments as i go on. this sketch is not a final layout, its so my characters have somewhere to be! i cannot draw someone standing on a floor if theres no floor, nor leaning on a table that doesnt exist. i can’t draw my characters without a background, but i also cant finish my background without accounting for how my characters can comfortably exist in it!!

this was the like.. very basic start. i knew the positions of two characters- but i needed to change a lot not only to fit them better but to allow for the other two figures i had planned.

okay.. a little better. i widened the kitchen, closed the fridge door.. added a chair and fit in all the figures.. but this is waaay too dramatic. only two figures are actually interacting- and they are at wildly different energy levels!

this is where things started to make a little more sense characterwiss, so i was ready to refine backgrounds and figures and unite the two.

inital base sketch. much better layout.

okay- this is where im getting my footing but things seem.. really really off. You can see me working on my framing here- theres some good linear movement from left to right here- but not vertically. It’s hard to notice the figure in the far back, so i need to redirect the viewers eye to move upwards as well!

this is where i decided to zoom out, add an interesting vertical element to the left of the image and make it clearer whats happening in the foreground. i had to account for some stuff by adjusting the cropping, but i paid attention to that as well.

annnd- thats what a clean sketch looks for me! i have all the elements of my scene accounted for, and things are clean enough to read.

the next step for me would be transfer! essentially- I print the image of my sketch out, resizing and taping pages together so my sketch matches the size of the paper i want to paint on, and then i use a lightboard to transfer my sketch with pencil onto my paper. Then i refine the sketch a few times on paper before stretching my watercolor paper (essentially just prepping for painting) and inking with a brush and colored ink before going in with watercolor, gouache and ink, then usually finishing with marker, colored pencil, pastel and ink. it’s a lengthy process but a lot of fun lol. but sketches for me can be like.. 15 layers of different roughs until im happy with just the sketch. there were more images but im on mobile and theres a 10 image limit 😭😭 im a bit masochistic but i believe that if i dont have a good sketch i dont have a good painting!!

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kame-writes · 1 month

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Concerning the media overlords au:

First of all: I love it! Thank you for sharing the idea with us <33

Second: Does Alastor live in the tower with the other Vees? And does Alastor still move into the hotel? If yes, on a scale of one to absolutely how sad/pissed/jealous is Vox after receiving this info?

3. I'd like to imagine Velvette's fingers are constantly itching to get ahold of that handsome deer man, who doesn't know how to dress himself properly or trendy, and give his wardrobe an upgrade. Could you imagine this happening? (Maybe with lots of alcohol involved. So that he would at least temporarily let her experiment with his clothes. Bonus points if she is able to take picture too. Vox would obviously make himself some copies for.. private reasons...) Do you see my vision?? Can you see it??

4. Can Vox convince Alastor to do more audio features within their network? Like podcasts or interviews and the like? Or are they just screams as well? (I recently discovered a podcast about cooking, where each week they talk about one ingredient and explain a recipe with it. I think this would fit Alastor's preferences very well.. tho the ingredients might not be as commonly used now that I think about it... anyhow... now I can't stop thinking about Hannibal and Alastor hosting a food podcast.. oops.. sorry, but not really)

5. You mentioned that Husk still works in his casino, if he isn't needed. Do you have any headcanons for Niffty's whereabouts?

Anyway that's all for now! Have a lovely day/night! <33

p.s. Sorry if this ask is intrusive. For some questions it's pretty clear that I've already imagined something for myself that may or may not fit with your vision of this au. If you feel like I overstepped, feel free to ignore this or send me an alastor_fuck_u. gif :D

Im am very happy to have questions asked! You have no idea how many ideas i have and dont know what to do with xD

I'd love to see other peoples headcanons and ideas for this universe, if anyone does anything for it then please tag me so i can see ^^

This is gonna get long so I've put it under a read more

2: No one is really sure if he lives there or just works there. He HAS his own suite in the tower, but he's not always there when they go look for him, and not being able to find him is very a common occurrence, made more frustrating because he refuses to carry or awnser the mobile phone they forced on him. He hangs around in the common areas like the kitchen and living room sometimes. And if they do manage to rope him into something like a movie night its a huge hassle, because he will insist on a black and white or silent film if he HAS to engage with the tv, and Vel and Val hate those.

The whole top of the Tower is dominated by his large Radio tower though, its slightly seperated from the rest of the building, suspended above it with a staircase/ladder to enter the hatch. Valentino is usually not brave enough to check there for Alastor.

Its the same with the hotel. He does move into his own room there, but goes back and forth a lot, and doesnt have a schedule. Vox tires to pretend hes fine with it at first but often ends up the hotel to be a pain in the ass to Charlie, and getting kicked out by the staff of Alastor. Hes convinced himself that Alastor will lose interest sooner rather than later, and the others just tune out his whining at this point. No one buys it when he claims he didnt even notice Alastor was gone as soon as the Radio Demon gets back to the tower.

3: I may be planning to draw this haha He does let her dress him up ocassionally, he has a few differant suits he's approved of and kept, but does wear his original the most the time. Velvette has a line of 'Vintage chic' clothing that partly started as a way to get Alastor to agree to changing his 'ratty ass old man style' by appealing to clothes that were updated takes on his era. He still very rarely leaves the tower in anything but his own usual attire.

He does on rare occasions allow photos to be taken of him by the vees (and once, later on by charlie, under strict instructions that she keeps it to herself) but no video. And none under any circumstances are allowed on social media. He has blown up a few phones that have attempted, both the Vees and employees.

4: Alastor has agreed to be on a podcast a few times, but its rare, and only if its somehting hes really interested in talking about. It's one of the few modern things he approves of since its just a version of a radio talk show. Same with interviews, he keeps them even more extremly rare, and the mystery of the radio Demon keeps sinners in fear more than him being in the public. Vox always wants him to do more since the ratings sky rocket when Alastor features.

When Alastor has done an interview it is with his back to the camera, and sitting in a large wingbacked stupidly over the top ornate chair, that hides him from being seen, except maybe the top tuffs of his ears and antlers. And he doesnt reveal much about himself when he does. The chair is partly to hide him, and partly to stop the equitment form glitching too much. He likes to pulls faces and makes gestures deliberatly made to make Vox falter and look stupid on camera, since hes the only one who can see him in that chair.

He has teased on his own radio show that one 'lucky' sinner may get the chance to be on both a guest star on his radio broadcast AND a livestream if the mood takes. Valentino had to inform him that what he's referring to is called a snuff film

5: Niffty gets moved to the hotel pretty much full time once Alastor gets involved, Husk is a part time employee, but ends up spending less time at his casino as time goes on.

Valentino is happy Niffty is gone because she creeps him out, she ocassionally hung around his studio during work hours, especially if theyre doing a scene with 'bad boys'. Vox isn't bothered. Velvette is not happy, especially that Niffty is reduced to a maid/janitor for the hotel, and makes that very known to Alastor. Velvette loves Niffty, they are chaos sisters and work on very sketchy sounding potions together, and gang up against the boys.

Niffty is also a great seamstress herself and brings her designs to Velvette like an excited child showing off their latest art project. Almost none of these get used, but Vel has fun forcing models to parade around the studio and work in something Nifftys made, they often include bugs and bodyparts, Velvette finds this halarious.

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remylong · 7 months

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hcs for what the px11 characters look like? if you don't mind

is this the same anon as last time?? im not mad im just confused there are like five of us in this fandom (excluding mr and mx gaymurdermusical ofc) if i have to do the teacher thing where i make people stand until their name is called i will.

okay. so. i actually made sims of the px11 characters once upon a time but I can't show them to you until November because I banned myself from the sims until my exams are over lol

SO. i don't really have solid solid headcanons but im going to try and fight the tumblr web mobile on this let's go.

REMY this is like The remy fit in my head literally look at it the collar the tie everything 😭😭 i need to put this woman in qing dynasty clothes expeditiously... also in my head when i was writing the remy fic she was coded like neon blue like squip bmc blue? because i was desperately trying to dragoncode her and didn't know how. when i read that line in superhero debut about [ditch that blue] i was personally attacked. before that i think she was q y2k pink in my head? i remember like the very very first edit i made of her was pink

JAY i will be honest w you i don't actually know that much about alt fashion so im worried im misrepresenting her but for everything on fire i would have looked at maybe 70s early punk aesthetics? like black and red! leather jackets! spikes! truly incredible hair that takes like seven hours and an ozone-destroying amount of hairspray to accomplish!

side note a bunch of americans with suitcases just got on the bus WHY are you here

MARK the canon description says it better than i ever could. i don't have it on me right now but come on. Most Outfit Of All Time. for everything on fire... well... Woe. Hippie Be Upon You. beads and fringes and patchwork jeans made of stolen clothes you name it he has it. i think 70s mark would have an outfit so insane he doesn't even need to kill people the tie dye would do the killing for him. also i think he would have a mullet

DAISY colour! colour! colour!! lots of pastels, lots of crochet, lots of knit vests. i would say that in everything on fire she's super mod like go go boots and flares and short skirts and all... omg you know those 70s cartoon daisy buckles 🥺🥺... in canon i think she's a 2016 kidcore niche meme arthoe who wears like overalls and butterfly hair clips

sorry this is like mostly fashion i dont really have like more detailed headcanons other than the official art X_X

#ccs adventures in procrastination

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thevoidisscreamingbackatyou · 1 year

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i dont know why i had this idea but: sentient batmobile.

THINK ABOUT IT ITD BE FUNNY

imagine just going up to dc and being like:

sentient batmobile. reason: funny.

honestly tempted to do that tbh

more imagining under the cut bc this is gonna be lonnggggg

so. bruce would build it bc hes lonely and wants friends but is too broody to try and make them. dont ask my logic pls but yeah batmobile would be friend

alfred would simply sigh and be nice to it bc like,,,first granchild technically. if tony stark can claim FRIDAY and DUM-E as his children the Batmobile can be bruces child ok

i honestly dont know the right characterisation for dick as a kid anymore but imma assume he felt a little off-center, especially if bruce treated the batmobile like his kid bc yknow,,,new older sibling but its an AI fr. however hed probably end up trying to wheedle the mobile to let him drive even when bruce said no. and the batmobile would install seatbelts all by itself bc tiny child.

once again my view of jason is,,,kaleidoscope but based on the "innocent nerd child" hed be freaked out at first and not know how to deal but would eventually start reading books in the batmobile in his free time bc "the batmobile shd learn too". the batmobile would also be the second to gain his favor after the whole laz pit thing, as alfred would obviously be first.

tim would just be intrigued and the two would debate about electronics and the morality of AI's(fun way not problematic way) and yeah

damian would probs try to kill it at least once but eventually would join dick in his wheedling ways

cass would be a little weirded out bc its a car, so not rly any body language but theyd probs just end up mutual existence-like

and steph would so use the fact that the batmobile sees like 90% of what goes on

babs would be the same as tim

and duke would just chill

i dont rly know any other batfam im sorry T-T

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beetroot-merchant · 1 year

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Tell me about the anatomical traits of bipedalism this is not a joke I really want to know

REEEHEEHEE lucky me!! this is gonna focus on (the rise of) human bipedalism (pun intended) because i dont know jackshit about any other animals! ALSO im going to link everything i mention to its wikipedia article as further reading 4 those interested :3

also, pleas keep in mind i have zero formal education on this whatsoever i am literally just a hyperfixated child

Before we get straight into it, a brief word on evolution, since I include some human ancestors here- if you see a scientific name rather than a colloquial one like chimp or gorilla, that's a human ancestor. The reason the ancestors in question look like they're transitioning from chimps to humans is because chimps and the rest of the great apes haven't begun their bipedalism journey, and human ancestors did! We're more derived than chimps from our common ancestor :3 that's all thank you

The skull // foramen magnum positioning

OK SO i have no idea how to ease into this so im throwing it all at you raw. This is a human skull from the bottom view with the jaw removed:

Aside from looking freaky as hell, it's also got that big hole right in the center. It's called the foramen magnum, and it's the hole where your brain connects to the spinal cord- AKA, where your neck is. Cool, but what's this gotta do with anything? Take a gander now at this gorilla skull:

(Image src: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Gorilla_Male_skull_base.png)

See how much closer to the back of the skull the gorilla's foramen magnum is? This is because gorillas primarily walk quadrupedally!

(Image src: https://origins.swau.edu/papers/man/hominid/index.html)

Here's also an example of the changing of its placement as bipedalism evolved- from left to right, that's a modern chimpanzee, Australopithecus africanus, Homo erectus, and a modern human.

If you're having trouble imagining how the placement of the neck could indicate how a primate walks, try getting on all fours and looking around you- you have to tilt your head up almost as far as it can go just to see forwards, and you can't see directly above you like you can when standing on your legs. If you try to maintain the position for a while, you'll get exhausted- and a majority of the mobility in your neck is now useless, because who cares about seeing the floor from twenty different angles? All of this is taken care of by just making the neck come out a lil closer to the back of your head. Behold my incredible artistic explanation:

The placement of the neck is uh, a LITTLE exaggerated, but you get the gist. Or at least, I hope you do, 'cause I'm moving on now.

The curves // spinal structure

Ok I'm going to come clean about this i think the spine is the most boring aspect of primate bipedalism to talk about because it's biophysics and its like whats the point of biology if you're just going to make it physics again, I came here to escape! But FINE, I'll talk about it.

also my sources here are probably the least reliable in the whole post because i had to go refresh my memory on fucking QUORA because i completely zone out whenever someone starts talking biophysics. SORRY FOR RAMBLING FOR TWO ENTIRE PARAGRAPHS it will happen again

Behold the curves in the spine for this chimp vs. this Man.

(Image src: https://www.quora.com/Why-do-human-spines-zig-zag-unlike-other-apes-How-is-it-not-detrimental)

And you should immediately see the differences. I mean, the red line's right there for you. C'mon. That dip inwards at the neck is called the cervical curve, the bump outwards at your ribcage is your thoracic curve, the final dip inwards between the ribs and the pelvis is the lumbar curve, and the tailbone-ish bit at the pelvis is your sacral curve! And quadrupedal apes have none of it.

The reason, in short, is gravity. It's painfully difficult to find an image that shows this that doesn't look goofy as hell, so please have this hilariously crunchy picture because it's the best I can do short of making my own.

(Image src: https://efossils.org/book/lumbar-vertebra)

This is where we get to the physics bit that I'm really not confident about whatsoever and I could be completely making up but AS FAR AS I UNDERSTAND:

Essentially, the weight on either side of that line has to be somewhat equal, but the dot it comes out of cannot move. Whenever a chimp like in the images or something similar stands up, it has to exert constant muscular effort to remain upright, because there's an imbalance. There isn't a demonstration of this I can think of like we had for the foramen magnum, but just imagine doing that Michael Jackson lean stunt or being bent over at your hip constantly. Physics bit over.

So, to keep us from being Anatomically Hunched Over Forever, we developed the lumbar curve- but because just inverting the curve in our spine was basically just as bad because now our ribs would be weird, we also got the thoracic curve to make up for it- but because our head being bent forward with the thoracic curve would also be weird (it'd create the same issue as discussed above with the foramen magnum), we ALSO got the cervical curve to make up for that. Do you see now why I don't like this? Funny as hell, don't get me wrong, but man.

The ass // pelvic structure

Can you tell my maturity is rapidly declining? The pelvis, as you can probably guess, is really indicitave of whether a primate was bi or quadrupedal. Feast your eyes upon the pelvis bones of a chimp, an Ardipithecus ramidus, and a human respectively.

(Image src: https://www.researchgate.net/figure/The-Ardipithecus-pelvis-at-44-mya-was-already-more-human-than-chimpanzee-like-Three_fig4_280721011)

Take a look at that side view in the first row- it's wild how different those shapes are! If you're having trouble picturing this in 3D, a human pelvis is more bowl-shaped whereas a chimp's is kind of flat, like a road sign. This allows for two main things, as far as I can tell - one, our pelvises literally serve as bowls for our internal organs, just as extra support, and two, this broader, wider area gives more space for the ass muscles to attach, which makes standing on one leg easier- a problem quadrupeds obviously don't have.

A second change you might notice is that the pelvis obviously shrunk along with changing shape! This is to bring the sacral curve closer to the hips to create sort of a ⊥ (upside-down T) shape, which makes everything way more stable than if it was a ⅄ (upside-down Y) shape. This matters because the ball-and-socket joints we walk on are actually relatively unstable to balance on, we needa make things as stable as possible, to put less muscular effort into balancing!

Another, far, faar more subtle difference is the size of the hip joints (check the side views in the first row again - not the holes! The little circular imprints above them) has gotten bigger! This is because when you half the number of limbs that are supporting your weight, you double the weight each limb is carrying- so our bones need to be thicker and stronger than a quadrupedal ape's down there!

The legs // knee structure

I'm not doing this. No more physics please no more physics

The feef // inline big toes and arches

Let's kick (lol. lmao) this bit off with some human-chimp comparisons, as always!

The big thing here, as you can guess, is the weird big toe chimps have (although we gotta keep in mind that we're the more divergent species, AKA the weird ones!) which you probably already know is for climbing trees! As our ancestors left the canopies we slowly lost need for a big toe like that and now we've got lame ass feet.

One thing we did gain, though, is three arches in our feet- y'know, that inwards dip in the "palm"? Chimps and other quadrupedal apes don't have that, and are flat-footed! It helps with walking and stuff. I dunno.

God, that's a lot! If you read all the way here, um, thank you! Hope you learned something or at least thought this was cool ^^ I'd be happy to try and answer any questions :3!!

#cw animal bones #tw animal bones #animal bones tw #animal bones cw #do they count as animals colloquially if they're hominidae? who cares! gnarly bones!#bones tw #bones cw #cw bones #tw bones #skull tw #tw skull #skull cw #cw skull #no id #no description #[IF SOMEONE WOULD BE WILLING TO WRITE IMAGE DESCRIPTIONS FOR ALL OF THESE I WOULD LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EDIT THEM ONTO THE POST !!! TY]#🐞 || asks #🐞 || beetle's bad biology

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apolliss · 9 days

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making it its own post because no one is powerful enough to stop me

idk how to do the continue reading rhing on mobile so its long im sorry

our inner world/headspace!!

so for the most part its just a big house/apartment/hotel

like its mostly one building, we've heard of others having towns or villages n stuff. we have The House (tm)

the outside:

the house is purple, the front has a lawn with a little kids playground and a big (like huge) oak tree with 2 swings (tire and wood seat) as well as a flower garden, and the windows arent see through, and are warped and blue. like youre looking in a pool and not a window.

when you first walk in, theres a hallway that goes to the left and a sitting room to the right. the long hallway leads to a dining room (like a fancy ass restaurant tbh) and someons room. idk whos. their doors locked all he feckin time.

you go forward and youre in the kitchen. and more dining area. and then theres the main room. theres another hall to the left. and theres multiple stories, theres like a patio/window enclosed section of the second floor hanging over that hallway. i physically cannot go down that hallway.

theres stairs to your right and they are not conntected to the window area to the left. those stairs go to the endless corridor of rooms. everyones bedrooms. id say the order and describe everyone's rooms but thats their preference to do.

I'll describe mine, im rika btw. my room has blue walls, and my be is a loft bed. i have guitars and a music writing station. i also have a treadmill and scale under my bed. i have my own bathroom, i dont need it. i dont know why it exists. but i have it. its orange. also my room is connected to the littles playroom kinda. vals room is between us, ahe has doors to mine and the littles.

theres also a pool behind the house out glass sliding doors. its a giant pond more than a pool. you can swim. quinny has animals in it.

and the woods that no one can go in afaik.

i have a storytime about those woods!

-Rika

(@owo-writing-man tada)

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variousincorrectxreader · 1 year

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Random 10:17 am SDR2 scenarios

part two of this post

Note: I fucking hate Hiyoko but it felt wrong leaving her out because because I’m a completist. Also the format is different bc im writing on a REALLY bad mobile phone.

Warnings: Mentions of a sword in Pekos part (the first one) Mikan being Mikan, Hiyoko being Hiyoko, Talk of dead bodies in Sonia's part.

Can be read as Non-despair in some parts, reference to despair canon in Mahirus part

rest under the cut

Peko Pekoyama: she teaches you sword fighting techniques so you can better defend yourself. In reality, she just wants to be able to spend more time with you, so she reaches for an excuse. It helps that she has to touch you to correct your stance.

‘’Widen your stance, lower your body a bit more… yes, that’s perfect, Bun. You’re doing well.”

Akane Owari: on occasion she has been known to share her food with you, shocking I know, but if she knows you like what she’s eating she’ll offer you a little bit of it. (Emphasis on little but it’s the thought thatcounts.

‘’ Sup, babes I have some f/f! Want a crumb? Yes of course im willing to share?!?’’

Hiyoko Saionji (😒): Gives you some gummies and doesn’t insult you as often as she does the others. Admittedly she only gives you the lemon flavored ones because she hates them but she usually throws them out so be grateful

’S/o!! You big dummy, you’re late!! A-anyways… here’s some candy…’

Sonia Nevermind: lets her hair down (metaphorically) around you, knowing you wont judge her for her interests in serial killers, in return she’ll listen to you rant about your interests all day.

‘’…and that’s apparently how they dealt with the bodies, enough from me, how have things been with you, recently my love?’’

Mahiru Koizumi: constantly dotes on you, whether it be wiping your face after eating or holding your hand and pressing soft kisses onto them.

‘’S/o!! Theres no need to be scared, cmon let’s go and cuddle, okay? Will that make you feel better?’’

Ibuki Mioda: dedicates songs and albums to you, all the song titles compliment you somehow and the album probably has an equally as flattering name.

“This goes out to Ibuki’s soulmate! Its called, Flaming Hot Cheeto’s arent as hot as my lover!”

Mikan Tsumiki: she feels so safe in your presence, so much so she lets you braid/style/play with her hair. Due to bad experiences with people in general its heartwarming to hear her ramble about things while you play with her hair.

“A-and after t-that I decided to u-use the n-non-stick bandages! AH!! Im rambling again im so- huh? I dont need to be sorry? Huuuue…”

Chiaki Nanami: Genuinely tries to stay awake during long conversations with you. Poor baby is just so sleep deprived, but you can see shes making an effort to listen to you while you talk about your Ultimate. Its only fair after all

“Hmmm. Im sleepy… but dont worry, you can… finish the story *yawns*”

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strawberrybabydog · 5 months

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Hey! I’m not sure if you even take asks anymore, since the last time I sent one was over a year ago, but I have a question if its alright.

So, I have a lot of joint & muscle pain, heart & breathing problems, general fatigue & stiffness in my body, etc etc. im not sure if i would consider myself physically disabled, but I definitely consider myself disabled physically (if that makes any sense?)

Anyways, something I’ve talked to my therapist about before & something that she encourages I do is how in the characters I create that I base off myself, I tend to take things like my mood swings and such and exaggerate them.

I think I mainly do this because it makes things like my emotions feel more real, or feel as strong as they do when I experience them.

One of those characters I created recently holds a lot of my physical problems/pain/and so on, and I wanted to know wether it would be okay or not/inappropriate to make them use a mobility aid like a rollator or something else more fitting sometimes? At this point in time I do not use any mobility aids, so I definitely do not want to do anything wrong/inappropriate if I don’t have to.

Sorry if this was a bad question to ask here!! I didn’t know who else to ask as most of the people around me are not disabled in any way, so It didn’t feel appropriate to ask them, and If I remember right I think you use a cane.

yeah taking asks as long as its open :0) i prefer more personal ones now though, reading about other peoples psychosis all the time is probably terrible for mine

hell yes give em aids! my only request is please give your characters cool customized aids - like, mine has stickers and keychains because i love those, some people have sarcastic stickers like "i can see you staring!" "questions are $5!", some people have spikes on their aids so strangers dont grab them, etc. our aids are extensions of our bodies so some people like to "dress theirs up" to reflect our personality

depending on how complex you want this part of your character to be - research different cane and rollator grips, tips, different styles of crutches, whether or not your character's wheelchair would have handles for someone to push, consider especially their budget and what they have access to, etc etc. fantasy physical aids are also super awesome in my opinion, as long as theyre based on how real aids work!

also, do they use aids at home? a bed railing, lay-down pillow, shower chair, stair lift, compression socks, i could go on! physical disability doesnt always start and end with a mobility aid :0) if you need inspiration, look up home care stores and pharmacies and see what they have and what would improve your character's quality of life (and again, their budget and what they have access to, which is typically the biggest barrier)

thanx for asking, i desperately want to see more disabled characters ♡ when i see characters with canes or rollators i black out and next thing i know op is calling me out for spam-reblogging their blorbo ive never even heard of

#not dog #asks #doggybility #personal

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slashuz · 1 year

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you asked me this like a while ago but thoughts on a komahinanami zombie apocalypse au? I like the idea that they just keep seeing eachother that they decided to just stay together lol

AHHHH I LOVE ZOMBIE AU OMFGG zombies r my faveeeee the potential is ENDLESS. THEM RUNNING INTO EACHOTHER SO MUCH THEY DECIDE TO TEAM IS SO FUNNY AND CUTE I LOVE THAT SM AHDJDHFJ .i have so many ideas for zombie au art but i just havent gotten round to it yet. I love the angst of it all LOL. i like it when its rly gritty like kind of TWD energy. i want people to get bit, i want CASUALTIES! my favourite zombie cliche is someone getting bit and their loved one having to put them down before they turn... UGH harrowing love it. sorry for the long post im on mobile and idk how to format this shit so its under a drop down pls forgive me 😭

my personal au for kmhnmi zombie au is that hajime would be immune (but he doesnt know that until he gets bit real bad) and a great fighter. hed be the tank. the main slayer if you will. hed be the hero too. like theres always a second of deliberation when he sees or hears someone in trouble but he just cant ignore it and he will always help even if it puts him in danger, and when he doesnt make it in time to save them or theres nothing he can do.....man....

chiaki has a lot of useful knowledge from playing a lot of zombie games so shes good at coming up with plans including safe places to stay/what to prioritise for survival/scavenging and crafting (she sooo read zombie survival guide and world war z by max brooks and took it seriously no i am not projecting). she can FIGHT too do NOT be fooled by her short ass, but i dont think shed be super inclined to fight. i feel like shes more a tactical escape person and shes very good at stealthing it

nagito i think would be super out of his depth bc hes not very strong and while being smart is super helpful in a zombie apocalypse - u cant run forever and if u cant fight ur dead. his luck could only carry him so far in that scenario. hed be great to have around tho because hed come up on amazing shit like a delivery van full of canned food, a truck with the keys still in the ignition, an abandoned house that still has running water and mains electricity, like oh my god. i also think hed be quiet and sneaky like chiaki is but i think hes a little more clumsy and a bit less careful than her so he doesnt always get away w it, esp w his luck. i think hed have to rely on hajime and chiaki a lot to protect him and i think thatd fuck with him a lot just bc of his nature and i also think it would be really cool if he snapped one time to save chiaki and bashes a zombies head in with a porcelain toilet tank lid until it was just unrecognisable brain mush and then never does it or mentions it again

#long post #sorry HDJDDHH #you activated the sleeper cell in my brain that ignites my obsession w zombies #slashuzask #TY FOR THE ASK BTWWW <3

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sparksnevadas · 1 year

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Oh my god I’m so normal about this chapter Sparks I am soooooooooooo normal. Incredibly normal. Oh my god. Look at me I’m so normal. The way you used the flashbacks to slip back and forth between them talking about their plan and what really happened was SO good it’s one of my favorite things in writing. AUGH.

And also just. KERALIS! DOC! AUGH. Their powers are so COOL and I love them so much. You got their voices so well. Keralis is such a Guy. The SHADOWS are so COOL augh. And the METAL form Doc augh yes yes yes. They are so. You got em in one.

Also I have to say it again, so sorry, but why is Scar holding Doc hot what did you put in the water dearest SparksNevadas.

And then Mumbo and Grian having to remember to use their code names over their real names is so. The way Grian almost slips up. The way him and Mumbo work to get back to Scar but Mumbo is more worried about Grian in the moment. They make me WEAK. GOD.

Keralis calling Grian chicken nugget is absolutely sending me. Fyi. Oh my god that’s so funny. I love your keralis so much. And Doc being Ducky I just. Keralisisms give me life and you write them SO well.

And the way everyone goes back to their weird semi-friendly but only sort of rivalry they have when Grian passes out is so interesting to me. The dynamic is everything. The fact that Doc is more worried about the party being ruined than anything. AUGH.

Scar calling Doc ‘Doctor Hothead’ is ALSO hilarious im. Head in hands its just so funny. Especially considering he’s trying to negotiate an alliance I think it really speaks to Scar’s charm as a person that he gets away with that nickname in this scene tbh. I just. It’s so cool to see Scar be so in control and then to lose that control when Keralis revealed that little scrap of paper. THEY’RE BROTHERS. AUGH. CUB. AUGH. AND THE FACT THAT RENS THERE TOO WHAT IF I JUST FLOATED DOWN A RIVER AUUUUUUUUGH! AND MUMBO DOESN’T GET WHY THE BROTHER THING IS SUCH A BIG DEAL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH WHAT IF I SCREAMED!!!! ITS!!!! THE WAY YOU WRITE IT IS SO GOOD I LOVE IT SO MUCH

The description of Scar’s office is fascinating too – it paints such a picture of him as a character. How he has all the stuff about him and mayor but then he has those two honest photos of cub on the wall its. He’s painting a certain picture of himself but then also like, displaying this honest relationship he has w cub as his brother im. AUGH. AGONY.

AND THEN THE SCARIAN KISS. The way it happened. The way Grian just basically said fuck it and went for it im. THEY. AUGH. AGONY BUT LIKE GOOD AGONY. Clawing at the walls of my enclosure I have waited so long and I need everyone to know that SPARKS MANAGED NOT TO LET IT SLIP OUT AT ALL. THEY KEPT THAT COMPLETELY A SURPRISE. THAT’S SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. AAAAAUGH ITS SO SWEET AND SOFT AND I CAN JUST SEE IT IN MY MINDS EYE AND IT. ITS EVERYTHING IVE HOPED FOR FROM THE MOMENT I STARTED READING GIHASM. AUGGGGH. IM IN LOVE WITH THIS CH GOOD CH!!!!

oh my god belle this is a whole essay and a half, dude,,, (<3)

you dont need to be normal about the chapter. please be abnormal with me,,

that little experimental flashback and such was decided very last minute! i thought it was too soon to reveal ren last chapter where it was supposed to go, and honestly, good decision methinks. :) I liked having doc be just a big metal guy. thought about giving him a redstone power like others but i think its neat if his whole arm was partially constructed by his own power. a metal mobility aid :) I DIDNT THINK THAT IT WAS--- I AM SPRAYING YOU WITH WATER!!!

they love each other SO much. i like making all the characters feel human so i give them little quirks and slip ups-- something im so worried about myself doing irl that i barely speak lmao. of course its hard to switch to a new name when you still use the old name in private. and of course, mumbo isnt usually on the scene for fights, and he's never really seen grian fight too much, so he doesnt really get it that grians bleeding and continuing to fight. im rambling, anyways--

the thing about keralis is that he says the weirdest things. even trying to write him, he'd still manage to say weirder things in videos. he's such a Guy

Doc immediately calls a time out basically. he sighs and lets them wash off grians wings, and then keralis leads them to his office where hes been stewing about his bruised pride. he's a silly wet cat

who knew such a big persona could be brought down with a piece of paper smaller than a finger?

he loves his brother. if theres anything you should knoow about scar, is that cub is his pride. i mean. he got the city to fund a statue of them, of course he loves him. he loves cub so so so much for what theyve been through. he cant wait to annoy him over board game night and never complain about his cooking ever again.

I WANTED IT TO BE A SURPRISE!!! :D i kept telling everyone they were going to come kill me after the chapter (mostly, yknow, about the cub thing) but in the back of my head i was just >:3c and wait until you get to that last scene, my pretties

i mean, ash @polyamquackity was live reacting to me in the dms and i KNEW exactly when they got to it because he just texted

which was exactly the reaction i wanted everyone to have :) Got a lot less dts (/friendly) than i was expecting though!

#its belle!#talking to friends #gihasm

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infxnatum · 1 year

Text

Blog Info (Rules and Such)

First off, apologies for how rough this is...I’m not very good at this kind of thing. And honestly, I’m pretty chill.

Basic Info

This blog is an 18+, Multiverse, Multimuse OC Blog with a few select canon characters from other blogs. I have many characters that I’ve developed for more than half my life at this point.

The main Universe of this blog is a story I’ve written (on paper, sorry you can’t read it). And while it will be referenced regularly, very little interaction will happen there.

I interact with many fandoms, though primarily Pokemon, Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel, and Sonic.

And last, I am 99.9% mobile bound. I just find it easier, honestly. And because I can use it at the same time as doing just about anything else. As such, trimming is not exactly easy for me.

Rules

Do not Follow or Interact if you are under the age of 18. If you do and I find out, you will be blocked. This is a heavily nsfw blog, both for dark themes and smut. I tag things and will often readmore when I feel like I should, but I dont like the idea of minors even potentially seeing it.

The above does also include intermittent reblogging of NSFW art, though mostly artistic nudity and such. Often sensual rather than outright sexual...but sometimes the latter if I particularly enjoy a piece.

I am Selective but not mutual exclusive. I’m willing to give just about anybody a chance, but I do have limits and standards. And I do favor Mutuals over non-mutuals, as well as anyone I consider a close friend. I most often dont follow someone as a means to keep my dash clean.

I do block on site anything that even remotely seems like a bot. Super weird names, no icons alongside an empty blog. I think at this point most of us readily recognize them. So if you are interested in following, make sure you do at least the basic steps to show you are a real person.

I am pretty chill, and there’s nothing that really bothers me trigger wise. However, like many, I have no interest in drama and callouts. Keep me out of your problems, I’m here to have fun. And as someone who has suffered a lot because of false accusations and bandwagon culture...I just want to do what I do.

I can write anywhere from one liners to multi para, I do my best to match when the mood sets in. I’ll do any sort of threads, and have basically no lines (outside the obvious) to what kind of content might be involved. Smut, light violence (i.e. pokemon grade), fluffy threads, and crack are the most prominent.

I try my best to respond quickly, but muse comes and goes. I’ll draft when I dont reply, and as long as a random hiatus doesnt hit me, I should reply in a relatively good time. Please don’t bother me too much about it.

Unless otherwise specified, like something tagged for someone specific. Any ic post is free to be responded to.

I accept IMs, but only for OOC. And I don’t rp on Discord...the format just burns my brain out.

Not sure if there’s much else, rules wise that I can think of. Like I said, I’m not good at this, and I’m chill.

A little bit of mun stuff

I go by Raven, though I also accept Eclipse and Dusk as names. I am a 30+ mun, Cis-male, homosexual and mixed-ethnicity between Caucasian and Native American (a near 50/50 split).

I am autistic, have various forms of anxiety and depression, and adhd. I try my best to do what I can here, but it’s not the easiest sometimes. I have been known to go on long hiatuses and lose muses entirely for periods of time. It’s not on anyone but myself when that kind of thing happens.

I’ll be working on getting my characters moved to Posts so that I can link them better, since I know many people are mobile these days, and browser page links are iffy at best. Posts work better...when they are ready they’ll be below here. I’ll also give a list of my more important non-character tags when I’ve compiled them

----

Zenni - Main Muse, Most Active alongside Primal.

Tags: Renegade Raven [Zenni], Renegade in Hell [Goetia], Primordial Powerhouse [Primal], A Shadow’s Commentary

Aurora - Lower activity muse

Tags: Queen of Ice [Aurora], Glacial Commentary

Descartes - Relatively Active Muse

Tags: Gilded Angel [Descartes], Gilded Commentary

Anarak - Fairly Active Muse

Tags: The Living Paradox [Anarak], Quantum Commentary

Ruby - Highly active muse

Tags: R Rated Rabbit [Ruby], A Lover’s Commentary

Siegfried - Low Activity Muse

Tags: Steel Commander [Siegfried], Commanding Commentary

Glitter - Slightly Active, Pokemon OC

Tags: Silent and Sweet [Glitter], Silent Commentary

Lion and Rosebud - Divergent Lion from Steven Universe + Anthro AU (Normal and HH/HB)

Tags: Cotton Candy Caretaker [Lion], Wayward Warrior [Rosebud], Every Rose Has Its... [Thorn]

Discord - Fairly active. Canon divergent MLP muse

Osirus - Slightly Active, Pokemon Only (For Now)

Tags: The Archivist [Osirus], Gathering Information

Toril - Low Activity, Pokemon OC

Tags: Psionic Prodigy [Toril], Psionic Commentary

Lux - Low Activity, Pokemon OC, Mostly commentary

Tags: Galar’s Light [Lux]

The Twins

Damien - Helluva Boss OC

Tags: Soul Betwixt Worlds [Damien], Keeper of Balance [Neutral], Divine Adjudicator [Celestial], Heart of Hellfire [Infernal]

#information post #pinned post #important post #long post

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bodylanda · 1 year

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🏳️‍🌈♣️✨ chodark for tha ask game ^_^

God this ended up long and kinda rambly OOPSIES… SORRY

Also idk how to read more ok mobile without possibly breaking the post so 🫡 im sorry, but thank u again for sending this ask!!

Link to the list of questions: [click here]

🏳️‍🌈 what’s some queer headcannons you have? (Can add a specific character in ask)

I think i have some pretty simples ones all things considered? And they’re all pretty fluid/all exist at the same time but for these

Chosen: made with they/them in mind -> experiemented with she/they/he -> had a crisis abt it -> she/her at the end

Dark: started we they/he -> she/they at the end

This isn’t really a queer headcanon (maybe?) but i do think theyre soulmates in a “whatever souls are made of, yours and mine are the same (insult)”, which is probably the closest thing i have to a queer headcanon LDNWOODOW.

I typically use they/them when discussing them in general tho!

♣️ angst headcannons? (Can add a specific character in ask)

I got a bunch here but not sure if it counts as angst? Makes me 🥹 so i’ll count it as such

Headcanon 1: Chosen knew about victim

-The moment chosen was born she immediately started being a hater. She threw the first punch (fireball?)! Why’d she do that? The moment second was born, they seemed more curious and inquisitive, but none of that curiosity happened to chosen.

-i know the popular theory is that its bcs chosen’s a virus (considering she was beaten by an antivirus in ava 2 + in a way so is tdl and tsc) but idk, they were made by alan (maybe tsc is a virus but thats a theory for another time), but i also like to think its more that chosen knew about victim in some like, unfathomable way?

-like the avatar in ATLA hahaha. Is this angst? I’m not sure. But this is why i think she immediately started going sicko mode

Headcanon 2: Chosen is the tragedy of a stick born without love

-honestly just took this one from kirby

-Chosen’s creation was definitely intentional, while Second’s wasn’t. Why are they so different? Its not like second got that much love either initially, but they did manage to get some free time.

-Second was less a literal second coming of chosen and more of a “history could repeat itself again”

-this is. Getting into second & chosen territory Moving back to chosen/dark APDJOWKFOWKDP

Headcanon 3: Dark has nightmares about killing chosen

-well she was made for it wasn’t she? Sometimes the directive just takes over for a bit

-a lil like wall-e

-Will isolate herself during these moments

-Shrugs it off after the fact but kind of always has this lurking lingering fear that one day her programming will take over and try to kill chosen (even though their friendship handshake thing and also their literal friendship in ava 3 kind of nerfed it a lil to the point that it can’t actually make her do that.

-in the end she discovered a new fear; She actually choose to fight Chosen and it wasn’t some divinely mandated/program forced thing.

✨ fluffy headcannons is you have? (Can add a specific character in ask)

SIKE I DONT ACTUALLY WANT DARK DIED

More AU than headcanon: Dark survived!

-Sees error of her ways

-Still awful

-Actually doesn’t she just doesn’t want to get her ass handed to her again by a fucking kid that was pretty embarassing

-Morality gained through wanting to avoid getting an ass whooping. Like “Hmm i think today i will make a virus- no i wont. That fucking orange kid’ll beat me up somehow”

Headcanon: They both have their own way of communicating

-Both can technically speak in the same way Second can speak, but chooses a different method almost always.

-the way they communicate is so completely all over the place. Its a mix of formal (actual proper typing/Some kind of sign language (stick version of it? Body gesture language?) used correctly) and informal (impact text font memes like fucking philosoraptor format)

-Kind of a contrast to tsc and color gang’s communication method that is also all over the place, but older memes and refs bcs they’re an older generation

-Dark: Back in my day the best cat on earth was longcat and now everycat can just be i can haz cheeseburgers…. Tch this used to be a respectable career

Yellow: (what the FUCK is she saying…….)

-Chosen being gaptek is something thats actually so near and dear to my heart and also a lil bit of jadul chosen. She gets sent some really gen z memes on stick whatsapp by second or color gang and just squints and shows it to dark like “what is she saying” and dark just gags

#long post #text #Gosh this ended up so long #i was writing snd then i black out bcs of my sickness and now im awake finishing it

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dissociativedreadtheatre · 8 months

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Were currently struggling to accept help. Its been hard and confusing but our whole lives anytime anyone (doctors and therapists included) try to validate us or even when reading other peoples experiences that we relate to our stomach twists up, our mind gets fuzzy and our chest feels like its getting stabbed.

Something stops us from being able to relate to people, to feel valid and safe. The feeling of warmth and safty always gets ripped from us. Its isolating to say the least. We know that at one point we were seen as some godlike entity or that one could talk threw us? So were not "suppose" to have anything wrong with us and were really not "suppose" to relate to "normal people" but this often leaves us feeling like we have nothing wrong with us and so arnt allowed in victim spaces if we dont idetify with anything having happened to us even tho we do logically know it did.

Even when doctors tell us somethings wrong with us we cant believe them. Even when we DO logically believe them its like no matter how much I want to I just cant. I can get blood tests to come back positive on illnesses and STILL cant get myself to believe any of it.

I know we have programed parts set to not take medications and not listen to medical or social cues unless approved by someone of power. Im not sure if there are just more programs then we know about or if one just kinda permeates all of it. We recently left the family behind but the mother was the only person our programs listened to. Were just not sure what to do anymore. We want to join your discord, we want to access recrosses, we want to be able to take our medications, we want to believe our doctor when they say we have a chronic illness and be able to use our mobility aides. But we just cant...something stops us each and every time and it hurts and im at my complete wits end over it all. Sometimes its a spinning feeling, sometimes its a painful feeling, sometimes someone else fronts and they stop us, sometimes fragments stop us, its all just so much to much to type up. We have no way of finding a therapist for help to break any of this down. At times me and my system cant help but feel like failures. Before finding all of this we use to think we were a really shitty system for how disordered and debilitating our systoms with DID are. People say you can live a healthy plurl life and you can work together if you just work on it and splitting happens less and you can send out alters to help were you need it and like...we try our hardest we all really do. and i love my system for everything and yes we have been able to work together but also we just split more and more and more and the nightmears and hullusiations are so sary and we cant get ahold of ourselves and we DONT work like a big team there are to many of us and so many people ahve to split up their prioritys betwene parts and honestly were just to damn tired. were just to exsaughted to keep doing this alone. oh im so sorry :( we didnt mean to rant like this were sorry

You genuinely have nothing to apologise about, you are allowed to use our asks in such ways to yell and scream because it means that you are getting it out rather then keeping it in.

The first step in healing is acknowledging the fact that how you're existing at the moment needs to change. It is the want that is really important, you want to have access to resources and take medical aids that will help your quality of life. That is the first step, and you've admitted that to us, which means you genuinely want to change the way things are.

Deprogramming is something that can not be forced, yes therapy and medical settings do help for a large sum of people however sometimes that privilege is not there and sometimes therapy doesn't help. It is understandable that accepting help is difficult, especially if you have been programmed to quite literally not accept it. However right here and now, you have reached out to us, that is a really big step in the right direction of healing! That is genuinely incredible and you should be proud of yourself!

For systems who are survivors, when you're just starting to realise the trauma you went through, even listening to other survivors is daunting, and horrifying. It takes time to realise that what happened, is not your fault, you didn’t have any control over it, and you can't change what happened. Living in denial is a coping mechanism that can be incredibly harmful, however if it is what you need to do right now to exist, there isn't anything wrong with leaving the trauma processing to another day.

It is a hard battle between you logical and mental thinking, often logically you know so much but attempting to convince you irrational thinking? Your emotional thinking? That is incredibly difficult and hard to change, and it definitely will not change over night, it takes time, and energy. So instead of attempting to fix it all ASAP, take your time, take your time in the world because attempting to rush your healing, will make it infinitely worse.

A part of programming is denial programming, a failsafe for your thinking process that is used against you to make you believe, and truly believe, that none of your trauma happened. None of your hurt that you feel happened. It is an incredibly hard program to over come because you logically want to heal and take steps forward but you feel dragged back by other parts. It sounds like a lot of the things you exhibit such as spinning, and a painful feeling, are all forms of programs that I and several others exhibit.

It is hard to believe that you are not alone in this battle, but I promise, you've reached out to us, and that is incredible process. Incredible process to begin healing. To recognise that what happened, happened, and the responses you get now are valid because what happened, was fucked up, and it majorly effected you. Take you time, I know I am sure as hell not going anywhere, we will always be here, take your time with healing. You healing will take as much or as little time as it needs.

Take your time, you're not alone, take deep breaths, and know, you are allowed to not be okay, its okay to not be okay. I believe in you, you've got this.

#ramcoa #ramcoa server #tbmc #dbmc

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rawrtriesagain · 1 year

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Long post incoming idk how to do Read More on mobile, sorry. Tldr: just a post abt my writing as usual and stuff about my interest in lwa (nothing crazy)

I know I talk abt my old fuckin fics all the fuckin time (like Jesus theyre old enough to be considered toddlers now) but anyway this is my vent blog and y’all will never hear the end of it so guess what still has an absolute GRIP over my mind after 3 years

Its forest of arcan- im jk its dreamer of stars lmaooo. I reread it right now for the funsies after months of forgetting abt it, and each time I read it I think “surely I am over this story and can move on with my life” and like the first half of the story its like yea I kinda am over it haha but then the second half just obliterates the thoughts and runs me over and I just lay in my bed and contemplate my life and go into like a State of Emotions and simply have to talk about it (but it also could be because its 4am at the time of writing this)

I do think it mostly has to do with nostalgia though. Truthfully I’m probably not able to write smth like that again because it was 100% written completely on emotion and quite actually everything bad Diana was feeling in the story was smth i was also going through so it was easy to… write a vent and disguise it as a fic LOL. But I was also running on the high of being in love with my best friend which also really easily translated to everything going on in the fic blah blah nobody remembers it but me so this means nothing to anybody and im being cringe and gay on main (not even my main)

ANYWAY the point of my babbling here is that honestly I miss having that intense amt of emotions that would spur that level of creative writing? Like yea forest of arcana (not updated in over a year) is fun and all but it definitely isnt written on a personal level like dreamer was. I also just genuinely miss writing lol and its like ok bitch why dont you write then and then its like good question why dont i?? I probably still enjoy writing more than i do drawing and i know my blogs say otherwise but the two mediums are both definitely different outlets for my life. Maybe i would change my mind the day my art is actually good tho 😛

Im laffing rn seeing me talk abt this “deep” different outlets of life cause like when u think abt it im also literally just Currently describing little witch fanfic and fanart since thats all i do LOL. Not that theres anything wrong with lwa being my Muse of course, but it just adds humor in whatever the emo hell im going on about

Another side sad mini vent but i dont think im as into lwa as i used to be which also waters down my interests in doing things, but im literally not interested in any other media or fandom rn either so lwa stays my hyperfixation. Plz dont be alarmed lol im not saying im NOT into lwa anymore since diana is still a fuckin god to me like 10/10 chara design and vibes, but its definitely not as strong as it was when i first joined the fandom 3 years ago. And you know what maybe it has to do with me not watching little witch academia in full in those entire three years after i first watched it lmao. Most of the friends ive made in the fandom are pretty much gone too which is sad but is what it is. Sometimes i get a burst of seratonin when i think about smth diakko and definitely like now when i reread my fics i also remember the Emotions i had for these Gays and it like floods back for a bit like a buff.

I think something im very interested in for both the spark of writing and also the revitalization for my love for diakko is that i wanna do like a oneshot slice of life series for diakko. Just something easy, cute, subjectively funny, and a vibe. I still fantasize abt diakko shenanigans even if mundane and i wish i could also capture it more in my art but im not at that level yet, so writing it is. First i probably need to rewatch lwa in full since ive forgotten most everything except for key diana scenes haha oopsie And sucy world episode that was a good fuckin episode.

Anyway thanks for reading this far if you did lol sorry for the LONG ASS NONSENSE POST. Sometimes i see how i type in my blog and to people and compare it to my writing and its like where the hell did my comprehensive english go. Sorry if this was just hard to read from the lack of grammar and punctuation but thats showbiz anyway stay tuned for the next diana content ttyl bffl rofl xD zomg

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dissociativediscourse · 2 years

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unfortunately i have come to the realization that i am possibly polyfragmented due to Recent Happenings and the fact that i learned a lot of my parts are actually just a bunch of fragments in a trenchcoat (like part a will have four or five fragments inside, part b will have one or two, some have none, then there's some subsystems that i absolutely have no access to at all and total blackout amnesia and it's just layers and layers of bullshit [insert tired emoji])

i cannot begin to count them all (it's impossible since a lot r so underdeveloped and just hold like one single thing almost like they're fragments or smth lol) but i am curious if u have anywhere to start in terms of like. find brain something other than split to do when only minor trauma happens so i can be a little more stable.

my therapist has not been good for me lately and im actively searching for a new one but it's taking a bit. i have a good psychiatrist but i just want to be able to try and help myself a little beyond just getting meds straight yk? and i look up to ur blog since ur well-read and stuff <3

sorry for anon just dont want to out myself as more traumatized than i seem bc Scary

also u definitely do not have to reply, ik u put a lot of time and work into writing and u may not have it atm!! ur very cool and i hope ur having a wonderful day

Hey, anon. I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to get to this. I have severe issues getting things done until it just Happens, sometimes and I hope you’re doing okay. I completely misremembered this ask as well and had come up with a plan to respond to it a certain way only to realize that, I don’t need to do any of that. Whoops.

Splitting happens often in polyfragmentation because the child begins to dissociate very young. Like, pre-mobility young. This can be from something like stressful things in the environment/yelling/really anything that would stress a baby to the point of triggering fight or flight. Which is a lot of shit. It does not always have to be from direct abuse.

The reason this is a factor is because at that time in a child’s life, they are unable to make use of any coping mechanism or response that is NOT dissociation, especially when they don’t receive appropriate comfort from a caregiver.

This effectively means that if you’re polyfragmented, your first and possibly only coping mechanism for a while is dissociation and therefore splitting. The best way to work to break this cycle is to develop new coping mechanisms and work to stabilize, whether that’s in therapy (recommended once you find a therapist that works. I would be up front and honest with any therapist you talk to— don’t want to end up with a therapist that doesn’t work for you. Trust me, it works wonders) or on your own.

This means CBT. This means DBT, sometimes. This means removing yourself from certain situations you know are stressful to you when you’re able, until you’re able to handle them. This means being extremely mindful of your behaviors and why they happen and how you can change them to be healthier, without getting down on yourself and spiraling. This means cutting out unhealthy patterns and unhealthy people and finding new things to do that can help you rather than hinder you.

Finding new coping mechanisms when it comes to something like dissociation isn’t really easy. At all. But it’s necessary to heal. It’s not something that happens fast, but it’s worth it. A great step towards this is grounding when you’re stressed and notice yourself starting to drift off, when your vision starts to get blurry or when you start to feel detached. This requires a lot of mindfulness and practice, which really mainly consists of paying attention to your behaviors without assigning any value to them. Just making sure that you know what you’re doing. It’s extremely important when it comes to trauma responses, and can be very revealing and help you to be the best you that you can be.

You can use whatever grounding technique you like, but a few of my favorites are:

Looking around the room you’re in and naming/talking about objects (out loud helps) and maybe even their stories and how they relate to you. Whatever comes naturally.

Remind yourself of the exact date and time. Year, month, day, time. Your location. That whatever has happened is not happening right now, and that you are in the present and safe.

Run your hands under ice cold water/feel something cold/shit, I have put ice cubes in my clothes before. I’ve stepped out into the snowy weather before. Sudden, severe temperature change can jolt you back to reality.

Splash cold water on your face. This actually triggers an instinct that humans have called the Plunge Response, and will force you to breathe deeply and a few other things that are amazing for grounding. It works.

Remember that meds are only part of the solution. You won’t get far with just medication, as it seems like you know. You need to first stabilize on your own and in therapy and develop healthy coping mechanisms, and then you’ll be able to process the traumas you’ve experienced safely. Without stabilization, this is unadvisable. I did trauma processing before stabilization when I was younger. It fucked me up. I split, certain alters became known to me that I wasn’t ready for, and I was stuck in that place for a long time. Be careful and don’t deep dive until you’re ready. The therapist you have needs to know how to treat complex trauma and stabilize you, and you need to work towards stabilization on your own as well.

I hope I explained everything well, and if you have any more questions at all or I left anything out that I might not have caught, please feel free to DM me or send another ask. I promise it won’t take nearly as long as this time. And again, I’m extremely sorry it did take this long. I hope you see this and are doing well!

#asks #polyfragmented #pf-did #polyfragmentation #dissociative identity disorder #did advice

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