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#I’m september I think I’d like to try to read more …. and also just build my confidence in my career a little 😬

ros3ybabe · 8 months

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Language Learning Goals 🎀

because I’m just starting out trying to re learn and familiarize myself with the Japanese language again, it was hard for me to think of current goals I might want to achieve, and what time frame I’d want to achieve them in. I think I will begin posting a monthly goals list because as I learn more of the language, my goals are definitely going to change. Right now I have my long term goals for Japanese and then some short term daily/monthly goals!

🌸 Long Term Japanese Goals -

conversational fluency - I want to be able to have comprehensible conversations with native Japanese speakers, and be able to understand what they say and also be able to speak the language myself

understand Japanese media - I want to be able to listen to music and watch Japanese YouTubers and Anime without subtitles

understand spoken/written Japanese - again, I want to be able to know what other people are saying in this beautiful language and also be able to read it to some extent.

My main goals long term are to travel to different parts of Japan in the coming future so being able to speak, understand, and read japanese are my biggest concerns but I’d also like to have that knowledge of writing the characters and knowing proper stroke order too, just for fun and education!

🌸 Daily Japanese Learning Goals -

Use one type of media as a passive learning tool (music, tv shows, YouTube, anime)

Study Flashcards 2-3 times (currently using my hiragana Flashcards I made on Anki)

Minimum of 2 Duolingo lessons

Practice writing the characters in an app (again, currently re learning hiragana)

1 other app lesson used as a supplemental learning tool (renshuu, Bunpo, LingoDeer, drops, etc)

My daily goals are a bit broad as this is typically what I want to do on a day to day basis for about a month of two, and then I will incorporate using textbooks, workbooks, notebooks, and really dive into the self studying and learning more structurally.

🌸 Monthly Japanese Goals (September) -

Memorize hiragana characters

Begin learning basic vocabulary (~30 vocabulary words by end of month)

Begin studying katakana characters (make Flashcards, use apps, etc)

Practicing speaking and pronunciation skills (shadow speak: use YouTube and some tv shows)

Practice realistic listening skills (YouTube videos, tv shows, anime)

Purchase Genki I and Genki II workbook and textbook + Answer Key and chart bundle

Kept a minimum of a 7 - 10 day streak on Duolingo

Joined Japanese club at my university

These are my current goals for the month of September! As the weeks continue, i will assess my progress and build new monthly goals depending on my current progress levels. I’m really excited to be doing this and sharing this journey with everyone. The biggest thing about why I made this blog the way I did was to keep myself accountable for my goals and that is exactly what I plan on doing; reaching my goals!

I so deeply appreciate the encouragement and support you all show me on a consistent basis! It means so much to have this community to keep me accountable and just help keep me on track with my goals but also remind me to be kind to myself! You guys are absolutely amazing <3

Im gonna post a combined daily update for today and yesterday later tonight!

Til next time, lovelies 🩷🤍

***also, wanted to mention, none of the pictures I use are my own!!! I get them from Pinterest but I use them in my posts to keep me motivated to make my space and aesthetic in real life as similar as possible!

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wings-of-ink · 2 months

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First Devlog?

Hello everyone...boy, there are a lot of you already, still trying to digest that...

So, I gather that I should do these logs on occasion. I do not know how often, perhaps just when I have a few things to say. I will try not to ramble too much, but my fingies like to talk.

Anyway, I am working on chapter 3 right now. There’s some fun moments so far in it that I hope you’ll like, and we’ll get to meet Zahn, Duri'naan, and then Rundis. I’m trying not to rush because there are some exciting scenes that I’m eager to get to. I’ve outlined them to tide myself over until I get that far. There’s some quiet moments you’ll get to have as well, and right now I feel like that’s what I’m struggling with. Those areas of my story are like bridges to the next, more exciting, parts and sometimes I feel like they fall a little flat. But, I’m trying to keep in mind this is my first draft. I’ll go through it another time or two to perk things up. Those moments are still important for letting the MC get to know each RO.

My mind has been in a million directions lately too, and I’ve had a lot of ‘duh’ moments. I’ve done so much world building since I started this last year (around August/September I think), that I have pockets of important details that I kinda just forgot! So, I plan to re-read all the notes I’ve made and try to also put them into one place. I have some in my phone, in a notebook, and in no less than three folders on my laptop. It’s a wonder I have survived this many years…

What you can expect for coming updates…

-A couple fixes, of course – thank you to those who found some of those pesky buggy bois for me.

-A nicer front page, instead of being slapped with my ramblings, I’d like to actually have a nice start page. I’ll figure it out eventually, lol.

-I’ll be adding a name bank to the MC’s Nameday scene that will also show you what each name means, so if that is important to you, it’ll save you the internet search. If it tickles your fancy, the name selection will correspond in some way to the marks (names meaning "night" or "storm," etc.) so you can theme your MC a bit.

-Extra coding in case you decide to shorten MC’s given name to just “Ravi.” I did not once consider that anyone would do this, and my first play-tester – my own spouse – did….He told me about it since it made some dialog with Oswin make zero sense, and then I published the story without fixing it because I completely forgot about it.

-Different contrast color for dark mode links. I feel like I have drastically improved this with a new gold color. In retrospect, I don’t know why I didn’t use the gold before. I love it as an accent, I use it all over! The blue never felt 100% right, but my brain shut down after thinking about it too long. Here’s a sample and a (M) Zahn tease:

When can you expect an update?

I’d like to make my next update during the Amare Games Festival, ideally containing both chapters 3 and 4 since they go pretty tightly together. This will also insure that you meet the rest of the posse. It’s a tall order for both chapters to be submitted on time, and I don’t want to rush them either, but I’m going to try really really hard, lol. I will focus first on polishing chapter 3, so that no matter what, I can at least get it out in time.

Here’s a link to the post about it:

And this is the submission time frame: open from March 31st 2024 at 11:00 PM to May 1st 2024 at 12:00 AM

As a side message, should you want to read on…

I also wanted to give you all a big, like really big, heartfelt thank you. I have received so many kind messages and comments that I just can’t believe it. I am so happy (and honestly, genuinely shocked) that you’re enjoying my IF, and I’m motivated to work hard so you also enjoy each new chapter of your journey. There’s so many secrets I want to share with you about the world, and I am struggling to be patient myself, lol.

I am not usually a very open or social person, and I was scared for a long time to share anything I wrote. I reached a point in my personal life in the last few years where I just needed to embrace what I loved to do and share it with a community that shares in that love. I encourage you to do the same whether there is a story in your heart, music on your lips, or a paintbrush in your hands. Life is NOT about your 8-5. We may not be able to survive without it, but whatever moment you can, do what you actually love. Put away the those things that don’t matter, the things that stress you - including people, and make time for who you are.

Thank you all and take care!

~Lunan

#if wip #twine if #twine wip #interactive novel #god cursed if #if game #interactive fiction #gc if devlog #amare game #amare

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bg-sparrow · 13 days

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For the writing asks, do the 3s: 3, 13, 23, etc.

For this fanfic writer ask game!

3. On a scale of 1-10 how much do you enjoy incorporating romance into the average story?

I’d say 6 or 7. I’m a romantic, but I don’t really read romance? I’m more into the romance being a secondary or tertiary storyline. And a good romance, to me, is built upon the small moments of the big, hectic adventure of life, so that’s where I love finding it in a good story!

13. Talk about a writing experience that has pleasantly surprised you.

There Are No Roads (Time Circuits #2.5) was a huge surprise to me. In my OC x canon rewrite, it was meant to be this 10K oneshot of Doc’s time in 1885 before Marty showed up, and it turned in a 40K, 9-chapter fic where each chapter was dedicated to a month, the last of which detailed the timeline of September 1885B (if Doc had been shot at the festival/ Marty hadn’t shown up). I loved the minor characters that took on a life of their own, the subplots that flourished, and the exploration I got to do of the canon characters. I’m still, to this day, immensely proud of it and reread it often.

23. How do you deal with writer's block?

At the moment? Not very well, lol. For real, usually, getting out an actual notebook with a pen and just writing out “Why do we feel stuck?” and prompting myself like that leads to me talking to myself for a page or so until my brain untangles something. Or I’ll ask, “What part are we excited to write next?”, list a scene or two, then tell myself to just write a line or two for them right now (which ends up turning into a few hundred words). I still panic when it happens, though, like I don’t know if it will help.

(Also, apologies to anyone reading it, but I am a little blocked and lack motivation on Once Upon a Time in the North right now. But it will get done!)

33. Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

I guess the characters come to mind first with a vague haze of a plot around them. As I build one, the other fills out, and it’s a back and forth. Then, as I go on, it becomes, “how does the character react if I do this? What if their reaction is the opposite of what I expect? What does that say for their character AND the story?” They’re very co-dependent to me.

43. How did writing change you?

Writing grounds me. It’s the ability to have control and create order with words and ideas I lack in real life, especially as someone who went undiagnosed with severe ADHD until adulthood. I was always centered and focused the most when I had good music structuring a scene in my mind, and I love editing because of that control I have to form the narrative just the way I want.

53. When writing, do you have an outline? And do you stick to it?

For longer fics, definitely. I try to tell myself to adhere to the basic structure I’ve laid out, but I’ve moved stuff around, like moving scenes from the end of one chapter to the beginning of the next or, within a chapter, rearranging those scenes. After Time Circuits, I gave up the rigid outlining for a bit just to see how I’d fare, but I still end up with loose outlines in my notebooks when working stuff out.

63. What’s the best insult you’ve read in a fic?

I have no idea! That’s a great question! I can’t really think of one off the top of my head!

73. How do you visualize scenes? Do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

I’m a very visual person, so when I write, there is a movie playing out on the page. Then, once I have it out, I go back and fill in the introspection and detail the setting a bit more.

83. Less is more or more is more?

Less is more. God, I’ve been learning that lesson since I started taking writing seriously in college (again, because I tend to be wordy). Learning how to be succinct and hit people with just the right words is a lot of fun, and I like to practice that with the many drabbles I write throughout the year. They are great practice!

93. Do you hear other people’s writing styles when they talk?

So, and this might sound strange, but I don’t talk to a lot of writers to where I audibly hear them? I chat with fellow writers online, and I can see the similarities if I’m looking for them, but for the most part, this doesn’t really apply to me! I’ve never talked to/ chatted with someone where it was immediately apparent. Sometimes I think I’m that person, though!

Thanks for the ask!! :D

#back to the future #bttf #fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic writer ask game #ask game #answered asks

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the-himawari-otome · 9 months

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B’s-LOG September 2023 - Utakata no Uchronia Character Interview Translation [Awayuki]

What kind of mansion is the main character living in?

Awayuki: The mansion of the princess I serve is a quite a new building for a family with such a long history. It was rebuilt when it burned down 10 years ago. I make sure to keep it clean, including the rooms that are currently not in use. Besides taking care of my master’s personal needs, it is my job to ensure her comfort from assisting her in her official duties to managing the residence.

Although there are more servants than just me now, I try to do as much as possible for the princess myself. One thing I do is manage the food, and I pay particular attention to the ingredients. There are times when I shut myself in the kitchen for the princess who makes requests, saying she wants to eat this or that. But I don't mind at all. I want her to only eat foods that are good for her health.

Q&A - Awayuki and Hinagiku

Q1: What kind of person is the other?

Hinagiku: He has always been devoting himself to my family and I for a long time now. He even coordinates the other servants. He can truly to anything, so I tend to rely on him... He cooks delicious meals everyday, and he’s also skilled at sewing since he’s good with his hands. Moreover, he likes things clean, so he always keeps the house nice and tidy.

Awayuki: Ever since her parents passed away, she has taken over her family estate with the help of her guardian. For better or for worse, she’s full of curiosity. Despite being a noble, she enjoys strolling around town and chatting with the commoners. She’s more nosy than kind, and she can’t lie to save her life. All of her thoughts show on her face... I’ve been with her for such a long time, so I might be the only one who knows that.

Q2: What do you like and think is wonderful about the other person?

Hinagiku: He listens to everything I say... is what I’d like to say. But he doesn’t give me what I want and he scolds me for doing things that I shouldn’t do quite often. I know he’s strict for my sake though. And besides, if I truly beg him for something, then he usually gives in. All things considered, Awayuki is sweet to me.

Awayuki: Let me think... The fact she never refuses to try food she might dislike, and when she does have something she likes, it shows clearly on her face? I also think it’s cute that she makes all sorts of expressions as she reads popular novels. She works diligently everyday, and it’s impressive that she’s always bright and rarely catches colds. Well, even if she was someone who was full of flaws, there’s no way I would ever dislike her.

Q3: What do you dislike about and wish the other person would change?

Hinagiku: I’m a little worried that he’s too much of a workaholic. Work is the only thing on his mind from morning until night. While I appreciate his dedication as my servant, I think it might be better if he had more hobbies.

Awayuki: There’s nothing in particular. If she is living as she pleases, then that’s all... Ah, no. It’s not good that she wants to do everything herself. I am her servant, so it will trouble me if she doesn’t make more use of me. I even do her hair for her every morning... there’s no need for her to lift anything heavier than chopsticks, isn’t that right?

Q4: What do you think about the other person?

Hinagiku: He’s my servant, but he’s my family. I suppose he’s someone who will always be by my side no matter what. We’re always together, so I can generally tell what he’s thinking even if he doesn’t say a word.

It seems I’ll always be a small child in his eyes no matter how much time passes... but I hope I can be recognized as a splendid head of the household soon.

Awayuki: She is my one and only master. The one to whom I should dedicate my all. Her words are more important to me than Lord Taiju’s.

I’ll die if she tells me to die... Wait, no. That won’t do. I’m too worried to take my eyes off of her, so I can’t die even if I wanted to. My princess is helpless without me. You can see that, can’t you? I must stay by her side and take care of her, always.

Lastly, please give a message to the main character!

Awayuki: I think it's admirable that you're working hard every day to be a splendid head of the house. But you only just became an adult, so it's natural that there are things that you can't do. You don’t have to force yourself beyond your limits.

Oh right. Would you like to have milk agar jelly as your snack tomorrow? I already have some syrup-soaked fruit, so I’ll prepare it tonight.

---

[DO NOT USE OR REPOST MY WORK W/O PERMISSION, THANK YOU]

#Utakata no Uchronia #Utakata no Uchronia translation #Utakata no Uchronia Awayuki #I need more info about this gameee

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sugareey-makes-stuff · 1 year

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8, 9, 14 and 17 for the AO3 wrapped please :)

Hiyaaa! You've got it! :D Something tells me this is going to be a rambly fic rec list, so brace yourself! 8. Pairing you read the most for? For the first half of the year, I was creating things and reading at the same time, for multiple ships and multiple fandoms. I was reading everything for common ships and rare pairs, tbh. 📗 From my January TBR list, I’m reccing Licurici by louisfake | @lou-isfake (HP- Harry/Charlie/Draco, E, 133,092) because it’s amazing! I binged this in 2 nights, and it was so worth it! The world-building is phenomenal, and Charlie’s character is so well developed...I love how we see more than just a Weasley and a Dragonologist. He’s a person who’s complicated, has all the feels, and oh hey, he just happens to love the hell out two handsome blokes. A gorgeous read, and make sure to have tissues nearby because you’re going to need it! And I will always rec this fic again and again. You’re welcome. ANDDD, OKAY. From September up to now, I’ve been binging everything Sterek (pretty such every day), because that’s what happens when one is introduced and sucked into Teen Wolf. I quickly fell head over heels for them (it only took one fic ;D), and they’ve been a comfort ship for me ever since. 📗 It seems wasted now by DaaroMoltor (TW- Sterek, T, 48,618) is one of the first fics I read that made me want to explore this ship more. This is a deep slow burn where apparently Derek and Stiles suck at using their words and don’t know how to talk to each other, and the feelings that come up from so misunderstandings kinda just pull at the heart. (I think it’s very obvious now that all my fav fics seem to be angsty and make people cry, oops). I’d say Kelly Clarkson’s lyrics, “What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,” 1000% sums up what this fic is about, with Stiles trying to prove his worth to the pack, and of course I’m on board with anything that explores him being a Spark. Also, maggggic. 📗 Here’s one more rec: Blue Rocket by snarkatthemoon | @snarkatthemoon (TW: Sterek, E, 43,948) is a fic I couldn’t stop thinking about for dayyyys! There are so many things I can probably ramble on about from this fic, but Derek’s PoV is soooo on point, given his complex character, fears and expectations. The world-building is so well-thought out, the chemistry that Derek and Stiles have together is 🔥🔥🔥 and man, there are just soooo many layers to peel back. It’s gorgeous, heartbreaking, and yayy for Magical, Drummer AND Tattooed Stiles! Whoops, I guess that was a really loaded answer! 9. Favorite rare pair you read works for this year? What can I say? Perciver is always on my radar, so I’m always looking for new works to dive right into! They’re a ship I can come back to again and again, and ramble on about for infinity. I will totally talk read and talk everything Perciver in a heartbeat. 📘 A fav back from February is two cannot keep a secret by happynotdignified (HP- Perciver, T, 11,409). This story digs right into different PoVs of the Weasley family with each family member finding out that Percy and Oliver are dating. It’s bittersweet, and there are a lot of feels through conversations, letters and yeahh. Loosely follows the canon timeline while filling in some gaps, but gods, it’s so interesting to see how and what Percy’s family discover about him and Oliver and how that changes what they thought they knew about him, and how wrong they were. In terms of character development, we see how strong Percy and Oliver are as individuals and as a pair through different lenses. Love this to pieces, and it’s such a cool take on things. 14. Favorite AU you read this year? 📙 quite like us by alarainai (HP- Jegulus- T, 67,315) was such a fun read because that was how I was introduced to Jegulus and the awesomeness of text fic! Also, eagerly awaiting each update was super exciting when this was still a WIP. And this is probably the one exception I’ll make for fluff because holy crap, what a slow burn this is, but also, wrong number AUs always leads to great things, right? I have so much appreciation for Regulus’ snark and humour, and well, James is so gone for him, it’s not even funny. ♥️ 17. Did you leave any comments that had to be in more than one part? I usually like to keep things all in one comment just for ease. But if I need to ramble or break down all the things I appreciate in a work, I totally will. In general, if screaming and emojis can get my point across, that works too. :P Omg, just from the recs above, that’s already a lot of words read?! I have no idea what my actual wc for all of 2022 is (500k? Maybe more?), but I know it’s far more than what I read in 2020 and 2021 combined. 😅 Thanks for the asks!

___ Have more reader q's? Ask me via AO3 Wrapped [Reader Edition]!

#asked and answered #ao3 wrapped #sterek #perciver #jegulus #charlie/harry/draco #ask meme #fanfic #about me #hp fanfic #teen wolf fanfiction #fic recs #rec lists

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loveislarryislove · 1 year

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2022 Writing Reflection

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 18 (holy shit???)

2. Word count posted for the year: 107,382 (double holy shit?????)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, Critical Role, Tamora Pierce, The Old Guard, Percy Jackson

4. Pairings: Larry, BeauJester, Immortal Husbands, Shiall, Solangelo

5. Story with the most…

Kudos: I Can Build Your Heart A Home

Bookmarks: I Can Build Your Heart A Home

Comments: Hash Brown, Egg Yolk, I Will Always Love You

Hits: Your Skin On Mine (I'm Losing Control)

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

So I have two fics I want to shout out for this. First is Do You Think The Tides Know, which is a super personal concept to me and one I’ve been wanting to explore for a while. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever written before, and I’m not sure if I’ve ever read anything quite like it -- where from the beginning it’s clear that the main character won’t get the guy, where the endgame pairing doesn’t involve our POV character, where no matter what we’re rooting for we know it involves heartbreak. It’s complicated and it’s messy and it’s imperfect and it’s painful and I think that’s important, you know? That’s real. That’s life. And that’s okay.

I’m also really proud of my Reverse Bang fic, they say looks can kill (and i might try), which just posted this week. I’ve always been intimidated by worldbuilding, but the art and prompt from @haztobegood were just... so vivid and interesting and exciting, and I could feel the world begging to be explored. I was initially afraid I wouldn’t be able to do it justice and realize the ideas the way I wanted, but I’m so glad I did it anyways. I don’t think I did a perfect job, there are still gaps that I’m aware of as the person who created them, but I also think that overall I did a damn good job! Go me!

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

I’m also going to mention two here. First is my Emelan fic for Troped: Chapters -- I had some fun with the concepts but I just wasn’t feeling the romance that was the center of the prompts, and I wasn’t sure how to make everything play out effectively. Second is my Camp Half-Blood AU for Astrofest -- I had a much bigger, grander, more complex idea mapped out based on all the different positive and negative meanings of the card, but I just bit off more than I could chew in terms of time and energy, so the fic I wrote instead was a much simpler spur-of-the-moment idea. It’s a fine story, I don’t dislike it, but it wasn’t what I’d wanted to write initially. Still, I’m glad it nudged me to start exploring that ‘verse -- I wrote a PJO fic a month or two later and I’d like to write more! I might also revisit the more complex idea someday, I still think that it would be a super cool story!

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

I received a ton of wonderful comments and tags, but I think some of my favourites were the appreciation for the check ins and conversations around kink in fics like it's always me that ends up getting wet. We love boundaries and consent!!! Having that level of trust with your partner is what most interests me about kink, so it felt really validating and rewarding to see that reflected and appreciated.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Looking at my writing tracker, I only wrote like... 800 words in March, so I guess numerically you could say that was hard, since I didn’t do it.

In the other direction, in August and September I published TEN fics (totaling about 46k words), so that was. a lot of writing. why did I do this. I’m so proud but also kind of concerned.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Is it too unspecific to say “all of the smut”? Like wow, usually I don’t really write smut, but this year I was apparently VERY INSPIRED. And I kept writing such huge word counts in one go, wow.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Oh man, it’s always hard to pick just one piece (especially without it getting ridiculously long), but let’s go with this snippet from Do You Think The Tides Know, as Zayn says goodbye to Louis at the end of the summer:

Zayn pulls Louis into a tight hug, trying to memorize the feeling of his body, the sound of his heartbeat, the smell of his hair.

“Don’t be a stranger, yeah?” he says, trying to keep the catch in his throat from showing in his voice. “I know we don’t usually talk that much outside the summer, but… you have my number, if you ever, like, have questions or just… if you ever need anything. Call me.”

Louis chuckles. “I know,” he says. “You’ve always got my back. Thanks, man. You’re a great friend.”

Zayn squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, then forces them back open. “Good,” he says, stepping back. “And… good luck.”

A bright smile dawns across Louis’ face. Zayn wishes it was for him, wishes he could make Louis look like that. But failing that, he hopes that the person who does make Louis smile like that – he hopes he never stops.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

This is kind of unspecific, but I think just... being more willing to try things that are unfamiliar and step outside of my usual comfort zone. That willingness feels like growth, and doing that creates growth.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

Part of me wants to say writing self-motivated fics, stories I tell just because I want to and without outside boxes I have to fit into or people holding me accountable. But maybe the real growth would be acknowledging that those outside influences and motivations are valid, and if they work for me, that’s not such a bad thing.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

gotta be @alwaysxlarrie. I can always count on lauren to hype me up or help me brainstorm or get my creative gears turning or tell me if a sentence or moodboard looks weird or celebrate my accomplishments. and I love returning the favor! mutual brain furbies for life -- you the best!

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

The “weird holiday traditions” in The Streetlights Are All Saying Your Name are both real traditions that my family had when I was growing up

I work in a pet store, and so for All Ewe Need Is Lamb, I used information and products and even photos from my work

As I mentioned before, Do You Think The Tides Know is based on a really personal experience -- it’s not like 100% true to life, but the idea of dating someone while in love with someone else, and knowing that the relationship had an end date, but celebrating the happiness and fun and learning in the meantime -- that was real to me, and super meaningful. So grateful for everyone else who has connected to the fic as well!

And this is kind of the inverse and a slightly more spicy one, so look away if you don’t want to know, but. Writing for the @1dwatersportsficfest ultimately led to me telling my fiancée that I was into that. So. I guess that’s my writing showing up in my real life!

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

If you’re afraid of doing something because it feels out of your comfort zone or what you’re used to doing -- that’s where the growth is. Find people who encourage you to do it anyways, who make you feel excited to go there, who celebrate your achievements. It’s so much less scary with friends, and you’ll probably surprise yourself with how much you’re capable of.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

With the publication of my fic for the 1D Reverse Bang this week, I am officially finished all my current projects! Which isn’t to say I don’t have forgotten half-finished projects, but I don’t have anything I’m actively working on at the moment. It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time. What will I daydream about on the bus now???

I’m feeling called back to my Soft Established Relationship Vax’ilmore Fluff Series, so might write a couple of those next (then again, I said I’d do that last year, and that lasted about 8 days so. we’ll see). I’m also eyeing up some of the fests for this coming year (I need external motivation, it’s a problem) and @1dtourdeficfest @faithinthefutureficfest @1dastroficfest are all on my list of contenders.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read:

I’m not sure who all has already done this so apologies if I’m tagging someone who has already done it (or already been tagged a billion times), but: @alwaysxlarrie @haztobegood @zanniscaramouche @andfollowthesun @larry-hiatus @panye @littleroverlouis @beckydoesthings @finelinegynandromorph @paranormalbabydoll @thebreadvansstuff

#writing #mine #my fics

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hummingbird-games · 2 years

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Dev Blog #26

HEEEEEELLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Lol. I have no reason for shouting like that. Maybe I’m trying to compensate for the uh, somber tone of the last update? Y’all, at the risk of being too transparent, being mentally ill is a full-time unpaid job and I am broke 😭

To everyone who reached out in various ways after said last update, thank you. Truly. I know a lot of the community haunts the Twitter and Discords spheres, but it’s nice to find support here on Tumblr. Also also ALSO to the devs who share their struggles on here and get a little personal sometimes??? I read those posts and hug them to my chest and imagine I’m giving you a big hug too because wow you guys are awesome and you give me a little strength to be awesome too. Or fake at being awesome lol.

So. What’s good y’all?? I’m going to try and keep this HSDJY related but sometimes I get off track. As y’all are aware!

I finally through up an updated/cleaned up version of the demo that I believe truly reflects HSDJY’s current state and can now rest easy about not having to touch it again. I threw it up without fanfare, but I guess people noticed because the download number shot up???

I also got another beta build to my testers and I’m hoping to get 2 more before/within early August.** If anything, this process has taught me that Butler and the upload process are not the scary monster under the bed. What an actual relief.

Bonus content/epilogues that I mentioned I’ve been working on? Issa mess guys. I’m still in the same place progress wise I was whenever I last gave y’all an update. And with us shimmying over to August, and with me trying to have all my ducks in a row by September 30th (that is a hard set, self-deadline btw), it’s becoming a game of deciding where to divert my remaining energies. I’ve still got key art I need to straighten out with my artist, credits to finalize (beta testing is FUNNY because do people really not want to be credited for their efforts??? Some of them are scaring me guys, just gimme a fake name 😭 I was actually stressing out over this with my dad and sister, and my dad’s like just do a general thank you and my brain just 🤯 because he’s right.)

I haven’t done any hard work when it comes to marketing my game, partly because of Events, and partly because I’m chicken, but I’d like to start reaching out to streamers. I mean...if I put something in a dev log, now I’m accountable right?????

I think we’ll end things here?

- Gemini 💛

**pretend this is a footnote. GUYSSSS I was so anxious and physically sick about doing testing, that when I got the interest, I thought my crocodile brain had overreacted. again. well jokes on me because many of my fears weren’t unfounded and I had to reach out to others to ask if they had some time on their hands to help me out. I think the next time I enter testing, I will look to do it internally because...people have lives, things happen, and it’s a bit easier (to me) to follow up with people you’re acquainted with over strangers lol.

#gamedev #High School Daze: Junior Year #AmareDev #updates and rambles

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eumenidaes · 1 year

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I posted 14,506 times in 2022

That's 2,162 more posts than 2021!

157 posts created (1%)

14,349 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most: (breaking the @ so I don't have to show up in people's notifications lol)

@ possum-tooth

@ gxldandpurple

@ aspiringwarriorlibrarian

@ pinkyshy101

@ caspercryptid

I tagged 2,857 of my posts in 2022

#video - 336 posts

#kitty - 282 posts

#tag game - 215 posts

#space - 158 posts

#my posts - 114 posts

#chae-yeong - 102 posts

#ask meme - 94 posts

#ironwood - 81 posts

#rohan - 75 posts

#about - 57 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#james watching his wife beat the hell out of a man for disagreeing with her war crimes: hmm. think this might have awakened something in me

My Top Posts in 2022:

Rest of this is under the cut because some of them get LONG

gxldandpurple: Have you ever traveled to a different country? If you haven’t, which one would be the first you would go to?

eumenidaes: Technically I left the US once bcs I went on a cruise when I was like 5 and we stopped at one of the islands in the Caribbean, but I don’t remember any details of it or even where specifically we stopped. I’d like to go to South Korea one day tho, I’m part Korean but have always felt kinda disconnected to that aspect of my culture for a number of reasons (I’m a quarter Korean and white, American assimilation means I didn’t learn pretty much anything about my background growing up, etc). idk if going there would really help with that, but it would be cool to get to go there and like. Learn more about that part of my background, if that makes any sense

5 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

22 for the Spotify ask meme!

It didn't take nearly as long as I expected it would, but the short story's finished! Thanks for exchanging requests for art with our number 22 songs with me lol, this song is Oh No! by MARINA (tho for some reason it looks like spotify moved around some of my songs and it's not there anymore??? idk, I'm not changing it to be another song when that other one was also requested lol)

I tried to incorporate themes from the song of things like neglecting personal relationships due to a desire to succeed and make a change in the world/life. This is focused on my RWBY OC, Chae-Yeong Vermeil, and you can also read it on ao3!

“Miss Vermeil! Chae-Yeong!”

Chae-Yeong turns at the sound of her name to see the familiar cheery face of Ashley Linden making her way through the first floor of the Vermeil Foundation building.

The musician has become a familiar face at the charity’s headquarters over the past couple of months, and as much as Chae-Yeong’s inclined to believe people are good, she can’t help wondering if Ashley’s just here out of a desire to help people in Mantle. She’s well aware that Ashley insists on making her donations to the charity with Chae-Yeong personally, and that she’s been known to leave upon finding out that Chae-Yeong isn’t there today. It's clear that she doesn’t like staying in Mantle for long. That combined with how even now, Ashley casts a quick glance downwards towards Chae-Yeong’s chest makes her main intention for being here clear— she’s attracted to Chae-Yeong, and she wants to get close to her.

If she were twenty years younger and not used to people who don’t even know her pining after her, Chae-Yeong might be flattered. But she is forty-six, and Ashley is twenty-eight, and Chae-Yeong has long since moved past enjoying people she barely speaks to wanting to date her. There are far more important things in the world, like running her company, working on developing space travel, and trying to improve Atlas and Mantle for everyone in it.

But Chae-Yeong knows how to play nice. She has an image to upkeep, and whatever feelings she holds privately don’t need to be shared with anyone.

“Hi, it's Ashley, right? How are you?” Chae-Yeong asks. She knows exactly who Ashley is, but pretending she’s bad with names is all part of the act. It also might deter her from continuing to pursue her.

She hopes this won’t take long. She has work to do. Neither the Vermeil Foundation of Vermeil Industries run themselves, and even if her job as CEO isn’t meant to keep her involved with what’s happening in her company, she likes to be. Chae-Yeong would rather sit through mind numbingly boring meetings and seemingly endless emails than do nothing but play golf and only ever interact with people that are inordinately wealthy. Besides, her involvement in her company’s practices and its charitable offshoot means that she can make sure that everyone working for her is getting treated well.

“I’m great, for sure,” Ashley says. She fiddles with the end of some of her long blonde hair. “Actually, I was just looking for you.”

“Yeah?” Chae-Yeong prompts.

“Are you doing anything tonight?”

And there’s the question Chae-Yeong had been waiting for. Honestly, she’s impressed. It usually takes even less interaction with her for someone to get bold enough to ask her out.

The answer will, of course, be no. The question is how to phrase the rejection without upsetting Ashley too much or letting her get far enough to feel humiliated.

“I’ve actually got a date later tonight. I don’t know how well it’ll go, but I might be, ah, unavailable for a long while after that,” Chae-Yeong says. It’s a complete lie, but those can make the best excuses. Plus, it helps her to maintain the playgirl reputation she’s cultivated over the years.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were in a relationship,” Ashley says, and she’s mastered the Atlesian art of burying your feelings deep inside. There's disappointment clear in her eyes, but her expression remains bright as if she hadn't been hoping that Chae-Yeong was single.

Chae-Yeong is in a relationship, but that’s not something that anyone is supposed to know about. Everything between her and James is supposed to be private. If she were telling anyone about it, the last choice would be a pop star that would tell the tabloid’s that Atlas’ general and the CEO of Vermeil Industries are dating.

“It’s nothing too long term, just our second date,” Chae-Yeong says. It’s best to keep these made up relationships short, that way it’s harder to fact check.

“Yeah, that’s pretty early on,” Ashley agrees, and Chae-Yeong recognizes the way her eyes regain their light at the thought. With a short relationship, she sees opportunity. If they’re only in the getting to know you phase still, it could be brief. Maybe Ashley won’t try to ask Chae-Yeong out now, but she will again in the future, after this fictionalized relationship has fizzled out.

Chae-Yeong knows that she’s only creating an endless cycle with this by lying and acting like if she was single, Ashley would have a chance with her. But outright rejecting Ashley would only upset her. At least this option gives her hope, even if it is a false one.

“Sorry if you wanted to do something, though,” Chae-Yeong says.

“It’s fine, don’t worry. I hope your date goes well!” Ashley says, even though she definitely doesn’t hope it goes well.

“Maybe we can get a rain check?” Chae-Yeong suggests. “I should be free at… some point. I’d have to check my schedule, it’s hard to keep track of everything.”

It isn’t, and Chae-Yeong knows exactly when she’s free. But this is another part of her public persona, and it gives her a good way to postpone any future attempts by Ashley to ask her out.

“Yeah, we can figure it out later,” Ashley says. She rocks back on her heels. “I guess I should let you go, huh?”

“If you don’t mind. I have a lot going on, well, pretty much all the time,” Chae-Yeong says with a laugh. That’s not a lie, but it’s also a good way to get out of this conversation.

“No worries,” Ashley assures.

“Thanks so much.” Hoping to avoid getting caught up in more conversation if Ashley thinks of anything else to say, she starts walking towards the elevator. “See you later!”

With a press of a button, the elevator is called to the first floor. It arrives with a ding as Ashley says her goodbyes, and Chae-Yeong steps in, waving one last time before the doors close.

See the full post

5 notes - Posted December 2, 2022

If anyone wants to know how unhinged about Ironwood I am, I did a sporcle where you were supposed to write out his entire ultimatum and I was stumped bcs I had literally one word of it that I couldn’t figure out bcs the word I thought was supposed to go there was said to be wrong. It turns out it’s bcs I knew the monologue better than the quiz did

5 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

See the full post

5 notes - Posted April 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Love tumblr ads that clearly were not supposed to be published

29 notes - Posted February 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #my posts #here's hoping this doesn't still annoy people in their mentions despite me breaking that lol

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inkofamethyst · 2 years

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September 26, 2022

I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT I HAD MY FIRST CONVERSATION WITH A POTENTIAL ADVISOR AND I THINK IT WENT REALLY WELL AHHHHH

Now that my list of places has been reduced significantly (down to only seven from the twelve I was originally thinking about omg), I’ve got a plan for when I’m contacting people. I’ve got this, I’ve got this. I will admit that I’m working my way up to contacting the Ivy League Dude though lol. I need to be real intellectual for that conversation.

Also,,,, switching gears, Michael Giacchino has done it again. The Lightyear soundtrack was really quite good. Difficult to say if I’d call it memorable because I’m so biased towards The Incredibles and Ratatouille and Up and even Lost because those are iconic and they’ve had time to “age like fine wine.” But it was good, and the movie was cute (and Chris Evans has a hot voice). Honestly the whole ~gay kiss~ was sort of a blink-and-you-miss-it deal but I also understand that even that kind of representation is something that is fought for. Not every piece of representation can be as overly-dramatic as the first interracial kiss on television, and sometimes that’s okay.

Speaking of movies, I also finally saw Inception and I have a few comments. First, I really enjoyed it. It sits in sort of the same category as Tenet and The Matrix and I enjoy that type of scifi (unless it’s confusing just to be confusing which was the case with Tenet I think, but maybe I just need to watch it again). Second, the term “inception” literally just means the beginning of something. And I’ve known that denotation for a while, but culturally, when someone says that something is “like Inception” they mean that it is confusing or multi-layered. I didn’t find the movie confusing, but I did enjoy the layered aspect, and I think it’s really interesting how media can enter our lexicon that way. Same with The Matrix: “oh I’ve seen [something weird], that must be a glitch in the matrix” is something that I vaguely understood had to do with a movie, but I didn’t really understand the reference until I saw the reference material, just that the connotation was “the world as we see it is a little strange, and perhaps there’s more to it than meets the eye.” There was also the whole red-pill blue-pill thing which I’d heard but didn’t get at all until I watched the movie (I’m talking about the meanings pre-pillsphere, in case it wasn’t obvious). Third, apparently the Inception soundtrack (which I listened to a bunch in high school because I was into “epic music” then (like Two Steps From Hell type stuff)) was sort of the ~inception~ of the epic cinematic music genre which Hans Zimmer is so well known for. The hefty brass, the brazen percussion, the building strings, weightless climaxes followed by more brass... It’s really cool to contextualize such a defining piece of this genre that, truly, Hans Zimmer does best most successfully. That man is everywhere. Though, I do wonder if/when tastes will shift?

To switch gears entirely I’m not actively trying to date anyone right now (to be frank I’m going to be there’s a good chance I might be a miserable person until, like, March, and I don’t wanna put anyone else through that (this... this might be a manifestation of low self-esteem, actually, um, hm (I have half a mind to try my uni’s counselling center but I’m so busyyyy (and also I’ve got the whole “I’ll fix myself just you wait” issue which isn’t helping (and and and now that I’ve stated out loud that I’m going to I might be miserable ‘till March, this has really got me thinking that I might just get the whole seasonal affective disorder thing lol))))) but reading [_____] x reader headcannons for a fandom I don’t even really interact with much (showed up unprompted on my feed I promise) sure does have me feelin some kinda way (the kind of way that makes you want to pound on your desk, to be specific). Listen I understand entirely that those are idealized fantasies and real life doesn’t work that way. I like reading about the cute stuff but god help me if anyone lays a hand on me I might combust.

ANYWAY today I’m thankful that the conversation went well :)

[edit] It’s 2:30 in the morning but I sent my second potential advisor email out!!! Time for bed, finally.

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totaldramafan-lauri · 10 months

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It’s hard to believe that.....i-it’s coming up on one year since I met you.....

And.....it hurts to think of how.....at the time, I had thought that....we clicked right away....I-I really believed that I’d found a new, strong bond that would last a long time.....I’d found people that were on the same page as me, that I could talk to, have long conversations with, and simp together with....

In such a short time, I got attached.....I looked up to you guys....You inspired me to keep writing.....More than one of my fics wouldn’t exist without you.....You all helped me....feel....c-confident....in my writing.....so much that I kept doing it.....And I can’t thank you enough, for being the reason that I can go back and read the fics I wrote, that I.....feel.....g-genuinely proud of......

We had so many fun times, simping, trading ideas, rambling about our OCs and OC x Canon ships without being embarrassed.....m-making things together.....even just hanging out.....

To think that I’d be here a year later, by myself again.....

With so much to say, yet....not being able to.....

I felt so comfy around you......I felt accepted.....and that was wrong of me.....

I didn’t know what I was and wasn’t allowed to do, and....I-I really have no excuse for that.....I-I did things that other friend groups let me get away with, and....got too negative.....I-I got too into venting about fandom stuff I didn’t like.....I can’t even be mad that my words were misinterpreted as attacks, cuz I shouldn’t have said them in the first place....I could go on and on about things I should’ve known, or should’ve done, yadda yadda, but.....n-no matter what, it’s all over. It’s done. And.....lessons were learned.

September through the first half of December last year were the most miserable I’d ever been in years. Not only due to the guilt, and emotional trauma, but also.....being scared of myself. Of saying anything.....literally anything that could be negative at all....

But, again, lessons were learned. Misery builds character, and.....And now, I feel like I’m a better person after having gone through that. I know more about what not to do, and I’ve been avoiding it all since then.

Everything’s fine now, but.....

I-it still hurts.....it still feels like a part of me hasn’t moved on.

Cuz.....I know, that the talk I was promised, will probably never happen. I....w-was probably lied to. And that’s fine, cuz you never owed me anything.....I-I’ll never truly know just how hurt you were......I would never try to initiate that kinda thing with you. It’s your choice whether or not to contact me.

I-I just....REALLY wanted to talk.....an actual talk....a calm, rational talk......for us all to explain ourselves.....and for me to give an actual level-headed apology straight to you all. And....e-even if I wasn’t forgiven, at least I would’ve tried to lay out the facts.....That I never wanted to hurt anyone. I wanted to be believed, that’s all.....

What if I’d been given that chance? What if we’d tried to talk things out....? I’ll never know....

I can’t contact the two of you I looked up to the most, and that stings....Knowing I’ll never be able to make nice with you.....but, I hope wherever you are, that good things come your way, because you’re both such nice people and such talented writers.....

To the one who recently gave me kudos: You cannot imagine how happy that made me! Like, seriously! To see that, even if you don’t wanna talk, that you’re still around......and you don’t hate me enough to not let me know that.....Ugh, I was so happy that day....

I-I’m sorry I’m rambling, but.....y’know, that’s nothing new with me...My point is....

Thank you. Thank you all....I-I know we didn’t know each other for that long, but you really made me happy while I was there.....thank you for inspiring me, and thank you for the lessons you taught me. And, while I wish I could talk to you still, the memories we shared and the gifts you gave to me are still enough. I’m so, so, so sorry about everything I did that annoyed you....and I hope your lives are better without me. ^^

#lauri talks to herself

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marvelouspeterparker · 3 years

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professor’s sweetheart

pairing: professor!tom holland x student!reader

summary: professor holland teaches british literature at your university. you hadn’t expected much when you signed up for the course, but the experience is everything and more than you could have hoped for.

word count: 15.1k

warnings: there is smut in here but it’s not the main focus (wild, i know)

notes: uh yeah i’d say just don’t fuck your professor? this is purely fictional. be safe, you know how it is <3

also she wrote a professor!harry styles fic, but if i hadn’t read that (over and over) i probably wouldn’t have been inspired to write this. so check out @songbirdstyles !

i listened to this playlist while writing it if ur interested :)

give me feedback please!!

“What class do you have next?” Your friend, and roommate Liz asked. You were both walking out of the cafeteria. It was 1:15, you had just finished lunch and you had fifteen minutes until your next class. You pushed the doors open together and braced yourselves as the cool late September breeze hit you, blowing your jackets open. You put both sides of the jacket together in front of you and crossed your arms to block the cold out.

“Um,” you thought back for a moment, the cold temporarily knocking your senses right out of you. “British Literature.”

If you were being honest, you had taken this course because it fulfilled one of your requirements, but in the end it felt like one of the most rewarding parts of your college experience so far. The material was interesting, and instead of being bored out of your mind throughout the whole hour and a half of class––it was actually entertaining. You had your professor to thank for that.

“Oooh,” Liz twisted her lips to the side to suppress a knowing smile, but the look in her eyes gave it away. “With Professor Holland?” She asked, batting her eyelashes innocently.

You rolled your eyes and bit your tongue to hide your smile. “Yes,” you shoved her playfully to the side making her step in a pile of leaves, the crunch under boots loud as ever as it carried through the crisp air. “Shut up.”

You and Liz had been roommates since your first year at university and had now spent four, coming up on five semesters rooming together. Luckily, you really hit it off, and easily fell into a routine together, forming a bond as you ate lunch and dinner together, studied in the library, had dance parties in your dorm, and more. You knew each other inside and out, often having random late night conversations while you procrastinated your work or couldn’t sleep, about literally anything and everything. Bottom line is, you trusted each other, which is why she knew about your sort-of-crush on Professor Holland.

To be fair everyone had a thing for him, he was just that kind of guy. He was sweet and compassionate and funny. Professor Holland was one of those genuine professors who sincerely cared about their students and their well-beings. He was incredibly understanding. He’d schedule dozens of meetings with his students all in one day just because he wanted to help and make sure they were all alright. He liked to check in every now and then, not because he had to, but because he wanted to.

From what you could tell he also seemed like a people person. No matter who he was with, whether it was a student, his teaching assistant Jacob, or his fellow professors––he was always attentive, cracking jokes, enjoying the conversation. Everyone seemed to love him. But you could also tell that a part of him was just a tad bit cocky, but in a joking and love-able way.

All this goes to show that you spent way too much time thinking about him, and observing him, which could either be seen as really endearing or really creepy.

“Look I’m just saying,” Liz shrugged, “Enjoy the class.” She nudged you, “I know I would.”

Realizing you were approaching the writing and arts center, and Liz’s next class was in the building across the street, you sent her off. “Yeah yeah, okay. Bye.” You tightened your arms around you and scurried off, skipping a crack in the sidewalk and walking up the steps to the building. You opened the door and were immediately welcomed by a rush of warm air and let out a sigh, rubbing your hands together as you made your way to the lecture hall.

You pulled your phone out and checked the time, 1:22. You still had 8 minutes to spare. You were still walking and only glanced up from your phone right as you were about to walk into the door and were stopped suddenly when you crashed into a hard chest. You immediately felt two warm hands grasp your arms to steady you and were suddenly enveloped by the smell of tea and mint.

“Woah! I’m sorry, love, are you alright?”

You froze as you looked up, feeling very much like a deer in headlights as you realized you quite literally crashed into your professor. “Oh––um,” you swallowed, suddenly feeling like the air was escaping you. You cleared your throat trying to save yourself from anymore embarrassment. “I’m fine––I’m sorry, that was my fault. I wasn’t looking––” You paused when you noticed the small smile on his face, his warm eyes making you forget what you were going to say.

“It’s alright, Y/N. It was partially my fault as well, I was too focused on––” he seemed to snap out of some trance, straightening himself up as his hands dropped back down to his sides and into his pockets. “Uh, well that’s not important.” He pulled one hand out of his pocket––he was wearing those blue slacks that you thought made his thighs look great, respectfully, of course. He checked the time on his watch and you had to stop yourself from ogling the veins in his arms as he did so.

He looked up at you, brows furrowed playfully and you actually had to remind yourself to breathe. “You’re almost ten minutes early. You that eager to see me?” He ended his question with a teasing smirk and your mouth opened and closed a few times before you managed to string together a response.

“I––um, I just really like this class and you––you’re my favorite professor.” You blurted out, your cheeks heating up as you realized what you just admitted. You had to force your eyes to go back to their normal size after they practically bulged at the realization of what you said. “And I mean, I just happened to get here early so...I thought I might as well get settled in.”

Your professor cleared his throat, trying to hide his smile as he glanced down at his shoes for a moment then back up at you. “Well then.” He extended his arm, pointing towards the open door of the hall and stepped aside. “Please, after you.”

You gave him a small smile in return along with a quiet thank you and stepped through the door. But before you could walk over to your seat, you felt him lean over behind you to talk lowly in your ear. He was standing a respectably close distance, but his presence was so overwhelming it was as though you felt him everywhere. His breath caressed the smooth skin of your cheek as he spoke.

“I’m technically not allowed to have favorites, but I do appreciate that you enjoy having me as your professor, darling.” It shouldn’t have had such an effect on you, really, it shouldn’t have. But something about him referring to himself by his title really did something to you. You took a sharp inhale as you stood up straight, your whole body on high alert as you turned your head towards him, your eyes refusing to look at his and instead finding solace in the fabric of his navy blue button up––which he’d rolled up to his forearms.

“And if it means anything, I rather do enjoy having you in my class as well.” You snuck a peek at him, lifting your gaze slowly and only caught a glimpse of his soft lips as he smiled before walking over to his desk.

You felt your heart pounding in your chest as you walked up the steps to your usual spot in the middle row, near the aisle. Your legs felt like they were going to give out any minute, and the man hadn’t even touched you––well not in the way you wanted him to, anyway. But enough of that.

You checked your phone again, trying to calm down your heartbeat as you took in a deep breath, 1:28. People started shuffling into the class, the overlapping sounds of chatter and laughter rupturing the energy the room had when it was just the two of you. At 1:32 Professor Holland started the class, getting everyone’s attention smoother than anyone should be able to. You could almost feel everyone’s eyes focusing on him, some weren’t even listening to him, they were just so entranced by how good he looked and the way he sounded––his accent was just so endearing, you had to admit it.

The hour and a half went by rather quickly but today you were more aware of yourself, of Professor Holland––even more than usual. It seemed as though his eyes would travel to your direction more often, after he made jokes as if to see your reaction, or while he paused in his speeches.

At the end of the class, despite there being dozens of other students moving around you, you felt as though your professor was watching you as you made your way out of the room. But it had to be your imagination, there was just no way.

When you got back to your dorm, Liz still wasn’t back yet so you decided to take a shower and spend some time relaxing. You had already done your work for the next day and your other work for the rest of the week––well, you decided you’d do it later.

You changed into sweats after your shower and hopped on your bed, deciding to switch between your apps for an hour or so––honestly you’d lost track of time. Liz strolled in soon after, closing the door with a loud groan, throwing her bag on the floor.

You smiled, looking up at her from your lying position on the bed. “Hello to you too.”

She grumbled in response, finally looking at you. When she noticed you were already wearing your pajamas she pointed to you, her brows raised. “Good idea!” She immediately went to her drawers and picked out a random pair of sweats and an oversized sweatshirt, changing with lightning speed for someone who was sluggishly groaning not even a minute before.

She grabbed her phone and sat on her bed opposite yours, cross-legged, facing you. She looked at your face for a few seconds before squinting her eyes at you. “You have something to say. Spill.”

You rolled your eyes, a smile on your face.

She looked at you pointedly, “Well go on.”

So you told her about your encounter with the infamous brit today, how you bumped into him, what he said to you, the glances he sent your way. When you finished recounting everything you took a deep breath, “But––this could all just be in my head you know, just me overreacting.”

She stared at you with a dead expression. “Are you fucking dumb?”

“Hey!”

She ignored you, rolling her eyes while she tried not to laugh. “Dude he totally wants to fuck you.” She said nonchalantly.

Your eyes bulged, “W–What do you––What?”

“Oh please, it’s so obvious.”

You opened your mouth but when nothing came out, you paused and looked down at the carpet. After a few moments you looked back up at her to find her with a knowing smirk on her face. “Are you serious?”

“Of course I am, when am I not?” When you were about to speak, she interrupted you. “Don’t answer that. But look, it seems like he’s into you. I think you should hit that.”

“But we––that’s not allowed!” You paused, “Is it?”

She laughed, “A ha! So you do want to!”

“Oh shut up, you already knew that. Everyone wants to, it’s not a big deal.”

She made a face, “Yes, but you’re the only one who actually has a chance at getting it.”

You looked at her, a skeptical look on your face. “Even if that was true––he’s still my professor…”

She sighed, rolling her eyes. “Yeah but it’s not like it’s in the handbook or anything. Plus, you’re both legal adults, so. There you have it. You’re free to bone.”

“You did not just say that.”

“But I did.” She smiled, lying down in her bed. “You really could, though. Just don’t tell anybody.” When you didn’t say anything else, she spoke up. “Okay I’m gonna take a nap now. You have a lot to think about.”

You ignored the last part and went back to your phone, “Yeah you do that.”

Throughout the rest of the afternoon and night you couldn’t stop thinking about this whole situation. This was bad...Or was it? It seemed all too complicated, that was for sure. You weren’t even sure he looked at you or thought of you that way.

You fell asleep playing all the pros and cons of hypothetically getting with him, your mind an endless loop of your professor, his voice, how he sounded when he practically whispered that he liked being your teacher. This was all too much.

❊❊❊❊

All of your senses were in overdrive. All you could feel were the hands tracing every curve of your body, playing you like a toy they’d made themselves. The tongue, teeth and lips following and leaving marks everywhere the hands traced. All you could hear was that sweet, rough voice telling you praises and calling you endearing names as your whole body shivered from the pleasure. Your eyes locked in on the ones staring up at you with pure hunger and awe as you ground yourself down on his cock.

“That’s it darling, just like that. You’re doing so good for me.” His lips curved into that oh so familiar smirk. “I taught you well, didn’t I?”

You woke up sweaty, your shirt sticking to your torso, a wet patch on your panties, your nipples pebbled in the cool air of your dorm room. A sex dream. Of course you had a fucking sex dream about him. Fuck. You were just lucky that your next class with him was on Thursday so you didn’t have to see him today. Because that would not help you at all.

You checked the time on your phone, squinting at the brightness before turning it all the way down, 10am. You got out of bed with a groan and took your toiletries bag and your towel to the bathroom, deciding to take a shower this morning, instead of later on at night. Lord knows you certainly needed one. A cold one too.

You were frustrated, frustrated with yourself for feeling this way about your professor––sure, he was only a few years older than you, but it was the principle of the matter––frustrated that you were overthinking this entire thing, and most importantly you were annoyed because you were extremely horny.

When you got into the bathroom, you locked the door and set your stuff down. You put your hands on both sides of the sink and looked at yourself in the mirror. Who are we and what happened? You sighed and grabbed your toothbrush, brushing your teeth quickly and aggressively, since everything seemed to be a hassle this morning. You’d hoped that once you hopped in the shower, you’d calm down.

When you made your way inside, you sighed contently at the feeling of the warm water pattering against your skin, freshening you up immediately. Your nipples were still hard, between your legs still wet. So you brought a hand down between your thighs, the other to your breast as you stood under the water––almost as though the water was washing away the sinful act and thoughts right at the source. You laughed at the thought, nope, nothing can wash this away.

You squeezed your breast and tugged at your nipple, rubbing your sensitive bud just the way you liked. You were still sensitive from...your dream, so it didn’t take long for everything to build up. You couldn’t help yourself, your mind brought back the remnants of last night that you remembered, the way his hands gripped you when he steadied you, the way his arms looked, and you came with a whimper that was louder than you would have liked. You bit your lip, closing your eyes and resting your head back on the tiles as the water continued to fall on you.

When you came back to your dorm, Liz was on her way out but she stopped, raising her brows at you, “So have you come to a conclusion?”

You walked past her into the dorm, “Go to class, Liz.” You heard her cackle down the hallway as you closed the door.

You got dressed casually, not rushing since there was nowhere for you to go and decided to go to the local cafe near the school. You needed to clear your head and get some work done, and you definitely would not get any of it done in your dorm. Not today, anyway.

You checked the weather and seeing that it was a little warmer today, you put a sweatshirt on, grabbed your bag along with your phone and your laptop and you were on your way. The breeze felt refreshing this morning as you stepped out of your dorm. Your walk to the cafe was only ten or so minutes but it felt good.

Stepping into the little shop, you were immediately hit by the aroma of coffee and sweets, surrounded by the sound of light chatter and utensils clattering on the wooden tables. The warm light above you brought a sense of comfort as you made your way over to the counter. The line was rather short so you managed to order your usual drink and snack quickly. As you were waiting for the cashier to hand you your things, your eyes scanned the shop––the ambience was rather nice and the talking almost felt like background noises. You wouldn’t mind staying here to work.

As you gathered your things, you turned around in search of a free table––which would be the deciding factor in whether or not you would stay, you did not want to awkwardly share the small table space with some stranger. You took a few steps into the seating area and almost choked on your breath when you made eye contact with the last person you wanted to see today.

He smiled charmingly at you, teeth and all and quickly made his way over before you even had a chance to think of escaping. “Y/N!” He stood in front of you, his eyes bright. He was actually happy to see you? He was always happy to see everyone, it didn’t mean anything.

His voice snapped you out of your annoyingly loud thoughts. “Fancy seeing you here.” He nudged you playfully, “How are you?” He was wearing a very tight white button up that was unbuttoned until the third, showing a generous amount of his chest, a grey suit and pants, along with a messenger bag slung over his shoulder. It took you a few more seconds than it should have to process that there were actual words coming out of his mouth.

You forced a smile onto your face but the more you looked into his eyes, the more genuine it became, almost impossible to wipe off. “I’m good. Was just grabbing breakfast before I start my work. You?”

He raised his cup, “Same as you. Have a bit of time before my next class.”

You noticed that you couldn’t tell what exactly was in the cup and your curiosity got the better of you. You pointed to the cup clasped in his fingers, “Is that coffee?”

He furrowed his brows in mock offense, “I only drink tea, darling.” He leaned his upper body forward to whisper to you, his cheek almost touching yours, “I’d think you would know that about your favorite professor.” He tutted playfully as he stood up straight again, watching you, a look that you couldn’t quite pinpoint in his eyes as he watched you over his cup, taking a teasingly long sip.

You looked up at him, your mouth slightly open, not a clue what to respond. When he pulled the cup away from his mouth he looked down at you, his gaze drifting down and you’d never felt more exposed, despite the fact that you were wearing two layers of clothing. “I like your sweatshirt.” He smiled, glancing down at it before looking directly into your eyes, his head lowered slightly.

Your eyes widened in surprise and your head snapped down to see your spiderman sweatshirt looking back at you boldly. Oh––Oh. You lifted your head back up to find him still smiling at you softly, he didn’t seem to be teasing you at all. “Um thanks.” You could feel your cheeks heating up, despite the cool air that swept your legs as someone opened the door to the cafe. “Are you uh–– a marvel fan?”

He pursed his lips playfully, “Yeah,” his hand came up to rub the back of his neck, “Yeah you could say that.” He licked his lips and took another sip of his drink.

Your eyes, with a mind of their own, trailed down the column of his throat, following the vein on the side of his neck, the way his adams apple bobbed as he swallowed the warm liquid. The action almost seemed provocative, in both meanings of the term.

Suddenly you felt very hot and you knew that you had to get out of there before you made a fool of yourself in front of everyone, but most importantly him. You perked up, “I uh––I have to go professor, but it was nice talking with you. See you tomorrow!” With that you quite literally ran off, wincing as you turned around, having noticed the way his lips parted as if to speak, a furrow between his brows appearing out of confusion and concern. You really had to get control of yourself.

You practically berated yourself as you speed walked away. God, that was so stupid. And not to mention, incredibly rude! He’d probably be upset with you now, or maybe even mad. It’s just––unbelievable what he did to you, without even actually doing anything. It took you the entire walk there to realize that you unconsciously made your way back to your dorm––so much for the library. But you’d had enough social interaction for today, so you decided you’d stay there.

You got in your bed and buried yourself under the covers, deciding you needed the comfort of being hidden in your mattress after the embarrassment you’d just experienced. You lied there just staring at the plain, white ceiling for way too long until you let out a loud huff and sat up, before grabbing your computer to start your work.

Deciding to check your college email before you started, since they were incessant and it was easy to miss something, you scanned down the list of messages in your inbox. Your eyes skimmed through the boxes on the left of your screen, notifications that your professors left feedback on your assignments, the weekly newsletter, club events, a message from Holland, Tom––

You shut your computer immediately, eyes bulging as you held your breath. You swallowed thickly, as you stared into nothing in front of you, your eyes barely taking in anything, your mind a big ball of fuzz.

After taking a few deep breaths, and telling your overdramatic brain to calm down, you opened the laptop again. Biting your lip, you hovered your mouse over the message, reading over the small bits of information you could see in the preview.

Holland, Tom

Just checking in

Hi Y/N, I just wanted to make …

You could feel your heart beating through your chest. Oh God––Wanted to make sure what?? The sensible part of your brain said to just open it to figure it out for yourself. But the irrational, idiotic part of your brain was yelling at you to not open it under any circumstance. What if he wanted to make sure you didn’t get the wrong idea? Did he know how you felt about him? Were you that obvious? Maybe he thinks you’re clinically insane and wants to make sure you’re getting the attention you need? You did run off like a crazy person, after all.

You shut your eyes tight and groaned loudly into your hands. Liz walked in and whistled lowly, taking in everything in front of her. You looked up, confused and looked at the time, realizing it had already been two hours since you first left the dorm, meaning she was done with her classes for the day.

“What’s up?” She took a seat at her desk, propping her legs on the table as she leaned back.

You waved her off, deciding it would be best to let this blow over and ignore it for now. You’d go back when you were in the right state of mind.

She started telling you about her day and annoyingly, your brain decided today would be the day that it would not shut off. Your brows were furrowed as you tried your best to focus on what your friend was saying, but she wasn’t even looking in your direction, staring up into the air above her as she spoke animated, hands waving around, so she didn’t even notice you struggling to pay attention.

Your eyes kept flitting back to the screen of your computer, your fingers swiping across the trackpad to turn it back on when the screen’s brightness lowered every now and then.

Liz looked back at you and stopped her spiel. “Alright what’s up with you?”

You sighed deeply and looked up at her. “Sorry, sorry. I just––I saw Professor Holland today––”

“Already?” She interrupted you, a goofy smile on her face. “Damn, you work fast.”

You threw the nearest pillow at her, “Shut up! I didn’t fuck him.”

“You should’ve.” She pointed out, holding the pillow to her chest.

You glared at her until she raised her hands in surrender, then continued, your eyes bouncing from object to object in the room as you babbled.

“I went to the cafe and I saw him and he came over to me and we started talking––and he whispered in my ear and he was joking around with me and he sipped his tea and he was super close to me and super hot, and I couldn’t handle it so I basically ran off without giving him a chance to say bye.” You took a deep breath, “And then he sent me an email after I saw him and I still haven’t opened it because I’m scared and I don’t know what he said…” You took another breath and looked at your friend, blinking as she just stared at you.

After a moment, she spoke up. “Dude just open the email.”

Your eyes widened almost in offense. “Did you not listen to anything I just said?”

“Yeah you practically fucked in the cafe then you got scared and ran away.” She spoke nonchalantly and you could tell she was fighting off a smile. “Look, eventually you have to open the email anyway, you can’t just ignore it. So just do it and rip the bandaid off.” You were about to speak up when she interrupted you, “I promise it won’t be half as bad as you think. We both know your mind is absolutely filled with the craziest ideas.”

You huffed and fell back down on the bed, not bothering to argue since you both knew she was right.

“Shit, I’m starving.” She looked at the time, “Yeah it’s about time for me to eat food.” She stood up, “Come on, let’s go.”

“Can you please get something for me?” She knew you well enough that you didn’t have to tell her what to get. You gave her your best smile and shrugged your shoulders.

“Are you serious.” She looked at you, deadpan, standing like the little emoji of the woman standing in place with her arms at her sides.

You had to suppress your smile, “What if I see him?” You asked incredulously, lying further in the covers. “I’d rather stay in here and hide, for now.”

“You have class with him tomorrow––”

“That’s why I said for now.”

She cracked a smile, rolling her eyes as she grabbed her things, “You’re ridiculous.”

“Love you!”

“Yeah yeah,” she waved her hand and walked out the door.

A few moments passed after Liz left and you sat up yet again, putting your computer on your lap as you swiped the trackpad, making the screen light up again. You checked the time, it had been almost an hour since he sent the email, you really shouldn’t make him wait any longer. Not that he’s waiting at all, he probably didn’t even notice that you hadn’t responded.

You inhaled and exhaled slowly, swallowed your nerves and clicked on the email.

Holland, Tom

Just checking in

Hi Y/N,

I just wanted to make sure everything was alright. You seemed kind of stressed when you left earlier and I’m hoping it wasn’t because of anything I did. Can we check in tomorrow in my office? Hope everything is going well.

Warmest Regards,

Professor Holland

He wanted to meet tomorrow after class. In his office. Alone.

Oh, fuck. You could hear Liz in your head going Yes, fuck. But you quickly shoved her aside.

You read over the email about five times to make sure you weren’t misinterpreting anything, because that would be even more embarrassing. You clicked the reply button and slowly wrote out your response.

Hi Professor Holland,

Everything is fine, but thank you for asking, I appreciate the concern. I’m free tomorrow after class if you’re available then.

Thank you!

Y/N

You hit send and not even two minutes later, you received a response.

Hi Y/N,

Perfect! I’ll see you then :)

Warmly,

Professor Holland

How on earth were you supposed to focus on your work now? More importantly, how were you going to focus in class tomorrow?

❊❊❊❊

The next day, the butterflies in your stomach would not calm down. When you stepped into the class, he was talking to another student and you tried to sneak past to your seat unnoticed. You thought you’d succeeded but once you sat down and looked up, you made direct eye contact with him and you swear you stopped breathing. You barely even recognized the sound of everyone moving around you, getting ready for class to start.

He parted his lips and reluctantly turned back to the student still talking to him, snapping out of his daze, but not after glancing back at you. You swallowed and sank down in your seat. This was going to be a long class.

At 1:35, class started. Professor Holland stood up and clasped his hands, making his way to the middle of the floor in front of everybody, his voice reverberating through the room.

“Good afternoon everybody. Hope you’re all doing well.” His eyes found yours and you bit your lip nervously. You could see him swallow as he watched you, before moving his gaze elsewhere. Was that because of you? Surely, it had to be a coincidence. Maybe you made him uncomfortable. Oh great––

He went on, seemingly unfazed, eyes darting back to you subtly before continuing. The discussion soon turned to the book you’d just been assigned to read. The book was rather lengthy but there were always so many things to talk about within only a few pages––which you loved, so it was taking you all a while to go through everything together in class.

The conversations often took up a lot of the class time since Professor Holland simply loved talking and he always found everyone’s interpretations interesting and worth exploring––eager to hear our classmates perspectives. He also often said that he was not good at using technology, so he preferred to just talk and show rather than use his computer. Honestly, you found it endearing.

The conversations were always interesting to listen to, people never failed to give you insight on things you hadn’t even thought of before, but sometimes––some people were just a little stupid.

Someone brought up a slightly sexist point that made absolutely no sense but since you weren’t the one to call someone out in front of a room full of people, you stuck to your facial reactions instead of audibly responding. You turned back to the front of the class to see Professor Holland’s opinion to find that he was watching you, trying and failing to suppress his smile.

He put both hands in his pockets which you found ironic considering they would jump out any time soon––he loved to talk with his hands. His eyes got serious, the smile on his face a little less friendly as he addressed the sophomore who made the comment. “I don’t know if you’re aware of how ludicrously sexist that comment you just made was, but now you know.” He turned to the rest of the class. “Remember to think before you speak. This isn’t to necessarily call anyone out. It’s a warning. Senseless remarks will not only affect my view of you, but your grades as well.”

He went on and tried to shape the boy’s comment into something appropriate to discuss and you honestly couldn’t focus on anything else he said, you were just looking at him in awe and in shock. Sure, this was the bare minimum, but since it was so rare to see, it was very noticeable and even impressive when you noticed it.

God, you adored this man.

Near the end of class, he announced the next assignment, a paper you’d have to write about a comparison you made between any point in the story, a character, a theme, a hidden meaning, etc. and something in our modern reality, a social norm, a popular belief, etc. Your essays were always very open ended in this class, giving you room to write about almost anything you wanted to. Your professor knew that the assignments would be more enjoyable if there was some choice involved. He truly was good at his job.

“Look, reading’s hard sometimes, I get it. I’m dyslexic, so trust me, I understand. But I never let that stop me.” He paused to look around the room and it was so silent you could hear each other’s inhales and exhales. The power he had over a room full of around one hundred people was insane, and in a weird way, also turned you on. “I know the book is massive. Listen to the audio books if you have to, I don’t mind. But get the work done either way. It’s not for me, it’s for you. I want you to get the best grade you can in this class.”

“Bring me interesting material. I don’t want to fall asleep reading your work.” He joked and smiled proudly when laughter filled the room. “The essay is due in two weeks. Good luck.”

There were a few thank you’s and goodbyes scattered around the room as he sent everyone off, people scurrying from all sides to the exits.

You took your time gathering all your things and took a deep breath when the last few people made their way out, silence soon surrounding the both of you. You put your bag over your shoulder and walked down the carpeted steps, suddenly finding the dark grey pattern to be the most interesting things you’ve ever seen––and also watching your steps so that you don’t fall down them in front of him. You could barely hear the soft patter of your shoes as you walked down. When you finally got the main floor you looked up and saw him waiting for you patiently, things in his hands, a smile on his face.

“Let’s go then, shall we?” You nodded shyly and he led the way, his office only a hallway away from the lecture hall. You found it slightly odd that he didn’t try to make conversation on your way there, since he always loved to. But you tried not to think too hard about it. Maybe he was just tired.

When you reached his office, he opened the door and let you walk in first. Your eyes immediately scanned the room out of curiosity as you stepped inside, noticing his desk, the wood a dark mahogany which was covered with stacks of papers, picture frames, pens, and a few marvel funko pops––so he really was a fan. You’d never actually been inside of his office before. It was an intimidating thought for you to be in his office with him, alone. You just didn’t want to embarrass yourself.

You turned to him and gestured to the chair across from his desk, “Do I just––”

“Please,” he interrupted eagerly. “Make yourself comfortable.”

You took a seat and he set his things down next to his desk before sitting as well. His hair was coiffed to perfection today, curls sculpted nicely, a dark blue suit on his body with a black shirt underneath. He took off the suit jacket and put it on the back of his chair and you could see his veins and muscles bulging and shifting in his arms as he moved. He clasped his hands in front of him on the desk and wow he had nice fingers. You really had to get a grip on yourself––

“How was class today for you? Well, besides that one disappointing comment.”

You smiled, “I always enjoy the class, but yeah that was uh, disappointing as you said.

“I think your interpretations are always very insightful and very interesting. It’s almost a shame that you don’t share them with the whole class but part of me likes it that we keep them between us.” Oh? “Plus, I know how scary it can be talking in front of all those people. I almost shit myself first time I taught that class––”

You let out a surprised laughter and he couldn’t help laugh as well.

“Shit, sorry! I mean––” He sighed, “Language, sorry. I’m British.” He shrugged, “Can’t help it.”

You shook your head, “It’s okay. Personally I think curse words spice up conversations.” You smiled proudly when he laughed at your joke.

His smile radiated a more nervous energy after his laughter died off. “When you ran off yesterday, that wasn’t––was that because of me? Because if I did something to make you uncomfortable I’m so sorry.”

You tilted your head, trying to think of a way to explain. “No it wasn’t, well––it kind of was?” You had no idea why you would tell him this, but apparently your mouth was moving without agreeing with your mind first.

There was almost a pout on his face and you had the sudden urge to reach over the table and smooth it out with your lips. “It’s just, well––You make me just a little bit nervous, to be honest professor.” You looked down at your lap and back up at him timidly.

He raised his brows, “Oh––”

Your smile was strained and you wanted nothing more than to be swallowed whole by the floor.

“Well that’s not a bad thing, is it?” He looked at you almost, hopefully?

You laughed, “No trust me, it’s not.” Your eyes widened at the realization of what you’d basically just admitted to him and you didn’t know if you should feel embarrassed or relieved when the smirk appeared on his face.

But the words that he uttered next cleared that up for you. “Well, if I’m honest, you make me nervous too, darling. And definitely not in a bad way.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, almost teasing you with how good he looked.

You licked your lips, your mouth suddenly feeling dry, crossing your legs, your thighs squeezing together, and he definitely noticed, his eyes trailing down your body as he licked his lips as well.

The tension in the room was so thick but you found that you didn’t want to escape it, if anything you wanted to carve your way through it, stay for as long as you could until it snapped.

Your professor spread his legs, his hands coming down to rub at his thighs as he watched you and the sound of your heartbeat pounding filled your ears. It was almost as if there was an unseen force pulling the two of you together, but before it could there was a knock at the door.

The both of your heads snapped to the door to find it opening slowly. Jacob, Tom’s teaching assistant popped his head in. You had talked to him a few times, he was always very nice. He didn’t attend every class, but you guessed that he would be attending the next one. “Hey man.” He turned to you and smiled, “Oh hi Y/N.” You waved and let out a small hi in response. He turned back to the professor. “Your next class is starting like––” He looked at his watch. “Now.”

“Shit, sorry man. Lost track of time.” He got up and you did too, smiling sheepishly as you grabbed your things, getting up from your seat. “I’ll be right there.” Jacob nodded and closed the door.

You both made your way over to the exit slowly, still reeling from what maybe could have happened and what you both obviously thought of. The silence was loud around you, but it wasn’t scary this time.

“Let me know if you need any help with the upcoming assignment, alright? Don’t be afraid to stop by if you need to.” His gaze dropped down to your lips for a split second before reaching your eyes again. “For anything.” He looked at you with an expression you couldn’t describe but quickly tried to mask it with a smile as he opened the door for you, his eyes practically holding yours captive.

“Thank you, professor. I will.”

You stepped out and he watched you for a few moments before closing the door. You looked back, smiling as you caught his eye and as soon as he stepped back in the office, you practically ran out of the building and to your dorm, a stupid grin on your face.

“Holy shit.”

❊❊❊❊

When you practically burst into your dorm room, scaring Liz half to death before you told her what happened, let’s just say she wasn’t surprised in the slightest.

“I fucking told you!” She flopped onto her bed, still staring at you pointedly as she did so, a smirk on her face. She pointed at you before dropping her hand down dramatically by her side. “You like, owe me a soda now or something.”

You rolled your eyes but you were so giddy the smile still hadn’t dropped from your face. “Well I do owe you for getting me lunch yesterday, so maybe I will buy you one.”

❊❊❊❊

Over the weekend, you started working on the essay for British Literature and you were already about halfway done since the topic you chose actually interested you. But you found yourself questioning if you were writing it properly as you went on. You weren’t sure if it was because you wanted it to be near perfect since you’d found out he paid extra attention to you, or maybe you just wanted to talk to him again––you’d never know.

After discussing with Liz, you decided you’d stop by his office on Monday afternoon once you were done with your classes. You knew he liked to stay in his office until late at night sometimes, he always said we could stop by whenever, if we needed something. So you decided to take advantage of that, shoving down your anxious thoughts and doing what you wanted.

Liz may or may not have convinced you to wear a shirt that was––aesthetically pleasing, to put it, specifically in the chest area so you were more than eager to see your professor’s reaction. You were a little nervous, you didn’t want it to seem like you were trying too hard, but you thought you looked good in this shirt, and you had a right to feel good about yourself. Since it was a little chilly outside, you hid it under a sweatshirt for now.

You got to his office and found yourself staring at the dark wood, hesitating to knock on. After taking a deep breath you rapped your knuckles against the door.

You heard a faint Come in! And you took a deep breath and opened the door slowly to find him sitting at his desk, “Hi Professor Holland.” He was finishing some notes on a student’s essay but his head snapped up immediately at the sound of your voice.

He dropped his pen and sat up, “Please,” he motioned to the seat across from his desk and you smiled gratefully before settling down. “What can I do for you? Everything alright?”

His eyes looked sincere and concerned and you could feel your insides melting a little bit.

“I just––I really want to do well on this essay,” He nodded for you to continue, “But I’m just not sure if I’m going in the right direction.”

He nodded understandingly, “Well let’s have a look, shall we?”

You reached down to grab your things when he stood up and walked past you, your eyes following him in confusion. He gestured to the couch, a somewhat impish smile on his face. “Just thought it would be more comfortable––and easier for us to look together, of course.”

You nodded, a small smile on your face as you picked up your bag and sat next to him on the couch. “Right, of course.” It was a loveseat so there wasn’t much room for either of you to distance yourselves.

You got out your computer and opened up the essay. You had already opened it before you got there, not wanting to have to awkwardly wait for it to load. Yes, you overthought things but––it helped sometimes. “I see you came prepared,” he joked and you couldn’t help but smile. He really did notice everything, didn’t he.

“Well I’m really confident about the topic of my essay, I think it’s interesting. But I feel like I may be adding too much into the paper, and I’m not sure if I’m overthinking things or if I should take some things out.”

“I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. I meant it when I said I appreciate having you in my class, you know. I always love reading your work. You write well.”

“Thank you, professor.” Though you saw his eyes darken at the title, he commented on it.

“You can call me Tom when we’re alone, darling. No need for formalities.”

“But I like calling you professor––” Your hand shot up to cover your mouth and you spoke before he could, ignoring his smile, “I mean um. Tom––Okay I can try that.”

His tongue passed under his teeth, a devilish smirk on his face as he watched you squirm under his gaze. “No you know, now I think professor is growing on me.”

You pursed your lips, rolling your eyes. “Prof––Tom.”

He raised his hands in surrender, “Alright alright.”

“Why don’t you read it to me? It’s easier to see where you can improve when you hear it out loud.”

You swallowed nervously, nodding your head as you brought your laptop closer to you. “O––Okay.”

You started reading your paper out loud, voice becoming slightly steadier as you went on, two fingers scrolling up the trackpad. He made comments as you read, only praise––and with each compliment you felt yourself getting hotter. Very good. Always write so well. Nice point there. Mhm. Good girl, that’s an excellent point. He shifted his way closer to you gradually as you read on and when his thigh touched yours, you had to tell yourself not to jump from the contact.

He placed his arm on the back of the couch, basically around your shoulder and you had to smush down the urge to throw your computer and climb into his lap. His thighs did look very inviting with the way he was sitting, though.

He moved closer to you and you could feel his breath cascading down over your shoulder as he brought his hand to the trackpad, his arm over your thigh, fingers scrolling through to where he had a few suggestions.

When he finished his few remarks, you could hear the proud smile in his voice. “See, I knew it wouldn’t be as bad as you thought. You’re a good writer...” He paused and you turned your head slightly to find his lips mere inches from yours, his eyes trained on your mouth. His words were barely a whisper when he spoke up again, “A good student.” You both leaned in slowly and his hand came up to hold your cheek lightly. “Bet you’d be a good girl for me too.”

You gasped lightly and leaned forward, giving in and finally pressing your lips to his, both your hands grabbing his jaw. He moaned immediately, his body pressing into yours as you twisted to face him, his other hand coming around your waist to pull you in. You felt your laptop slipping off your thighs and squeaked, making the both of you laugh and pull away, flustered.

“Careful, love.” Tom grabbed the computer and put it down on the floor gently, confirming that you saved your work before pushing the lid closed.

The air in the room was hot, thanks to Tom in general, but also thanks to what you just did. So you pulled away and couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Tom’s pout when he thought you were getting up to leave. Since there wasn’t much space on the couch, you stood up to take your hoodie off and you heard his breath hitch when his eyes fell upon the shirt you were wearing. “Christ-”

“Now what’s this?” Tom said almost to himself, his eyes staring at you in wonder and awe. “Never seen this little number before.” He noticed the clothes you wore? His hands were already aching to feel you again, reaching out for you subconsciously and you bit your lip to calm your smile as you sat back down, letting your sweater fall to the floor softly.

“What, this old thing?” You joked, looking down at the shirt––yeah, you looked good. “You like it?” You looked up at him, a cheekily innocent look in your eyes.

He put his hands around your waist and pulled you into his lap, enjoying the gasp it elicited from you. You put your hands gingerly on his shoulders and the way he was looking up at you made you never want to leave this position ever again. You tilted your head and licked your lips and Tom couldn’t take it anymore, he kissed you again, hands gripping you firmly, anchoring you to him. He pulled away after a good while, wanting to look at you again, his lips parted, practically panting like an animal. You really had an effect on him, but he did the same to you.

His eyes were taking you in, basically capturing a mental image for later. “God, you look heavenly, darling.” You squirmed in his lap and bit your lip when you felt a bulge growing underneath you. He leaned forward and left a trail of kisses on the tops of your breasts, leaving a few teasing nips and sucks here and there. You squealed, your hands coming up to run your fingers through his hair. You pulled his head up by his hair and the look in his eyes looked absolutely feral––like he wanted to eat you.

You were about to lean in and kiss him again when a knock at the door surprised the both of you. You both jumped off of the couch as Tom threw out excuses. “Yeah just a second!” You straightened out your shirt as Tom did the same to his pants and you picked up your things.

When he saw that you were settled, he took a deep breath and answered the door. His colleague and best friend Professor Osterfield, was standing there, a grin on his face. “You div, are you ever going to be on time for our monthly meetings?––” He stood up straight when he noticed you standing behind Tom. “Oh, I didn’t know you had company.” He looked between the two of you and it seemed as though he pieced everything together. Maybe Tom had told him about you? If he did, you wouldn’t be worried Tom didn’t seem like the type to tell unreliable people his business––and they were best friends after all.

You smiled at him in acknowledgement as moved aside to let you pass. “Sorry,” you looked between the both of them, “I’ll let you get to whatever you have to go to.” You looked at Tom once you were out of his office, “Thank you for the feedback, professor.”

You could see him fighting off his smirk before he replied, “Of course.” His stare was impenetrable as he looked at you, “Feel free to come by whenever.” You could see the hidden meaning in his words and let the hint of a smile show, before nodding and walking off.

Harrison looked at him, a pitiful smile on his face. “I hope you know what you’re doing, mate. You should be careful, for the both of you.”

Tom sighed, not wanting to have this conversation. “I know, man. Let’s go.”

❊❊❊❊

You found yourself missing Tom as soon as you left. God, this was kind of pathetic. But at least your feelings weren’t necessarily one sided––he did say you made him nervous too after all. You doubt he’d say that if he just wanted to fuck you––he was better than most men. And sure you might be a little biased, but at the end of the day he had a good heart and he was educated. So bonus.

When you stepped into your dorm, your roommate was sitting on her bed, snacks in hand as she looked at you expectantly. “Now these,” she gestured to the food on her bed, “are either for a story time, to rebuild your energy or both.”

You laughed and changed into your pajamas, starting to tell your best friend about everything that just happened. She often interrupted with her reactions and comments.

Oh. My. God.

Shut. Up.

You’re fucking lying!

“But we didn’t fuck.”

“Boo––”

“Yes, boo.” You laughed, “Professor Osterfield knocked at the door and dragged him off to a meeting so.” You shrugged.

“Professor Osterfield...is that the hot blond one?” You nodded and she continued expressing her feelings for the man. “I’d let him teach me a few things––”

“Literally bye.”

She laughed, “What? Come on have you seen him––”

“I’m a little preoccupied with another professor to be honest.”

She nodded, handing you a bag of chips as you settled in your bed. “True. And oh how lucky you are.” You smiled in agreement.

❊❊❊❊

Today was the day the essay was due and though you normally handed it in at the beginning of class, for once, you didn’t and you could feel Tom’s gaze following you as you walked up the steps to your seat without so much as a glance in his direction. You’d stopped by his office a few times over the past two weeks since Harrison interrupted you, but you never did anything more than kissing and grinding. You were both too scared of getting caught, but that doesn’t mean you hadn’t thought about doing more in there.

Tom liked to have physical copies of the essays, just in case technology decides it’s against him (his words), so everyone had until 8pm tonight to drop it off by his office. You were definitely going to use that to your advantage.

You didn’t wear anything provocative to class, you didn’t really want that kind of attention today, plus you knew that Tom’s interest in you wasn’t solely based on your appearance. So you put the revealing items on under your clothing. And honestly, the thought that no one knew what you were wearing underneath it all only excited you even further.

You crossed your legs, relieving your tension and biting your lip as class went on, enjoying how flustered Tom would be every time he looked at you. You felt so submissive when you were alone with him, but when you were in public like this? Free to tease him subtly from a distance? That’s where you had all the power.

You had him blushing and stuttering throughout the whole class, though it wouldn’t have been easy for everyone else to notice, for you it was so obvious. He kept rubbing his hands together, pacing around as his eyes darted to you every few minutes. At one point he went over to sit down at his desk, which he rarely did while teaching––and you were fairly certain it was to hide a bulge in his pants. All thanks to you.

In the middle of the class, you felt your phone vibrate in your bag and pulled it out just to see if it was an emergency. You were pleasantly surprised and could feel your whole body react when you noticed who the message was from.

Tom: Having fun, are you?

Your eyes shot up to the front of the room and you bit your lip to contain your smile when you noticed him glaring at you.

Y/N: I always have fun in this class, professor ;)

You put your phone away afterwards and focused on the class, knowing it was killing Tom that you weren’t giving him more attention. Your heart was racing and your panties had a wet patch by the time class was over. You had a feeling he was going to try to keep you after class, so you hurried up and gathered your things, sighing in relief when a few students went up to his desk to talk to him.

You smirked to yourself and headed straight for the door, your head high on your shoulders. But just as you were about two feet from the exit, Tom spoke up.

“I assume I’ll be seeing you later, Miss Y/L/N?”

You turned around, eyes slightly widening as you noticed him, the group of students near him.

He smirked slyly, “To turn in your paper, remember?” His eyes were giving you a knowing look.

You swallowed, nodding as you smiled at him innocently. “Of course, professor.” You enjoyed the way his eyes darkened only slightly, only noticeable to you. “See you then.” With that you walked out.

❊❊❊❊

You practically skipped to his office at around 7:45, before knocking at the door, four knocks in a specific pattern––the code you’d made together.

“Come in, darling!”

You walked in and quickly shut the door, a chuckle escaping you. “You know someone could hear you from the outside one day, right?”

He shrugged, “I’ll just blame it on my accent. Could call everyone darling, they don’t know any better.”

You laughed. “Okay well––Professor Holland,” you said, loving the way he looked at you when you uttered his title. “I brought this for you.” You took out the printed essay and placed it on his desk.

He pushed his chair out, his eyes following your every move as he spread his legs. “Oh is that right?”

You took the invitation and took your reserved seat in his lap, linking your arms around his neck as you looked down at him. “Mhm, still want a good grade in this class you know. You are my favorite professor after all.”

He smirked smugly, licking his lips. “And you,” he kissed your lips before pulling away briefly, “Are my favorite girl.” He brought his hands up your back and pulled you into him as he kissed you again. This time, longer and deeper, wanting to feel you as much as possible. “Teased me so much in class today.” You smiled into the kiss and he continued, “Almost wanted to take you over my knee right there in front of everyone.”

You moaned audibly and he brought his hand up to your neck, gripping you softly but firmly, giving you room to pull away if you didn’t approve. When you leaned further into his grip, he grinned and pulled you closer. You started grinding down on him, basking in the desperate groans and sighs you were coaxing out of him, the way his movements became more frantic as he bucked into you.

After debating with yourself in your head for a moment––struggling to think properly with his hands all over you, you got off of his lap and smiled at the small whines of protest he let out before reaching for his belt. You made eye contact with him and noticed how wide his eyes were, hopeful, hungry, but hesitant.

His hands reached for yours, “You don’t have to, darling. If anything I should be doing this first. God knows I’ve thought about it.”

You pouted, trying your best to ignore his words and focus on the task at hand. “But I want to,” you kissed his cheek, “I wanna make you feel good, professor.” He nodded, barely able to speak.

“Yeah? You wanna be a good girl for me?”

You nodded eagerly, licking your lips as he pulled himself out of his trousers. “More than anything. Wanna make up for earlier.” You got down on your knees, mouth practically salivating at the way his member stood tall against his abdomen, his tip leaking with precum.

Your hand wrapped around him just as a knock sounded at the door. Professor?

The both of your eyes widened, the both of you looking around for some sort of answer before he ushered you under the desk, tucking himself back in hastily, pulling his chair as much as he could and sitting at the edge, hiding his unbuttoned and unbuckled pants. Luckily for the both of you, the back of the desk reached the floor, so whoever it was wouldn’t be able to see you hiding underneath. “Uh––Come in!”

The person walked in and you recognized the sound of her voice, she often spoke up in the lectures. You couldn’t remember her name, though. You do, however, remember that she often spoke up only to get Tom’s attention. You’d heard her gush about him in the halls just outside his class in the hopes of him hearing her. You couldn’t blame her, but the thought still irked you. “I just wanted to give you my paper. I hope it’s not too late.”

Tom checked the time on his watch, 7:58. “Nope,” he laughed breathlessly, trying to compose himself, “Not too late at all, in fact just in time.”

She handed her paper to Tom and he gave her a tight-lipped smile, trying his best not to think about the fact that your hands were trailing up his thighs and that he could feel your warm breath hitting the exposed part of his member––he really hadn’t payed attention when he tucked himself back in.

Before he could send the girl who’s name you still hadn’t remembered off, she took a seat across from him and he swallowed nervously, a little frustrated since he was so close to getting his cock in his girl’s mouth.

It seemed that you somehow read his thoughts because as soon as the girl kept talking for another two minutes, you pulled his member out and stroked him, licking up his shaft and he tensed, taking every ounce of self control he had not to look down at you. His hand reached down and held your cheek gently, just wanting to feel you. You nuzzled into his palm and he had to bite his lip to suppress his smile, not wanting the student across from him to think his endearing expression was meant for her.

You honestly completely tuned out all the words she was saying, your sole focus pleasuring Tom. But you didn’t miss the flirty and falsely innocent tone in her voice. You couldn’t see her but she was no doubt batting her eyelashes at him as well.

When she made a comment about how good his shirt looked on him, you couldn’t help yourself, you sucked his tip into your mouth with no warning, making him groan unexpectedly. You paused, eyes wide and playful as your mouth stayed around him.

“Are you okay professor?”

He let out a strained smile, “Yes, Emma, Sorry––” So her name was Emma. “I just uh banged my knee on the desk.”

She hummed a small okay and went on.

He caught your eye, trying his best to keep his expression neutral, but boy was it hard. Especially when you were looking up at him like that, with his cock in your mouth. You licked around his tip and lowered your mouth around him and he had to force himself to focus on the girl who was still talking to him.

You were not playing fair but quite frankly you didn’t care. You were making him feel good and yourself too. Your hand was pumping him, your tongue swirling around him as quietly as you could, while your other hand found its place between your thighs.

In the middle of Emma’s speech, Tom’s eyes drifted down and widened, his breath getting caught in his throat when he noticed your other hand, moving between your legs. He stuttered out an excuse, unable to tear his eyes away from you for a moment, “Uh, Emma I’m so sorry––I just have so much work to do, but feel free to come back––” he paused to swallow when you sucked harder around him in reaction to his invitation. “Come back next week if you have any problems or anything else you’d like to discuss.”

She hesitantly but respectfully said goodbye and was on her way, closing the door behind her.

Tom’s hands immediately shot down to hold your head, his mouth dropped open as he watched you, approaching his high. “Shit, that’s it darling that’s it. So fucking good for me.”

“I’m gonna cum––” he warned. You simply hummed around him and sped up your movements, feeling yourself clench as he panted, his hips bucking slightly as he came into your mouth. You unfortunately weren’t able to cum but you were sure there’d be other chances. You popped off of him and swallowed his load before licking up his length teasingly slow. “Fuck, such a good girl.”

He pulled his chair out and brought you up to stand between his legs, tiling his head to look up at you, his hands rubbing up and down the backs of your thighs absentmindedly. “Was someone a little jealous?”

You shrugged, trying to act nonchalant but failing to fix your annoyed facial expression. “Maybe.”

He tucked himself back into his pants and stood up, chuckling as he squeezed your cheek. “I’m yours.” He pecked your lips, before looking in your eyes, “And I’m most definitely repaying the favor when we get home. I mean––if you want to, of course.” Home.

You couldn’t help but smile, “Yeah––Okay.”

You’d never been to Tom’s house before so this felt like sort of a big deal to you, but you were going to try and calm your racing thoughts and heart. You and Tom agreed that you would go around the corner of the building for him to pick you up in his car, not wanting to risk anyone seeing you.

As soon as you were settled in, seatbelt on, Tom drove off and honestly the thrill of having to hide was exciting to the both of you. His hand was gripping your thigh throughout the whole drive and you could tell it was meant as a reminder that he was there for you, but also that he could barely contain himself.

Seeing Tom drive you, the flashing street lights illuminating his face, highlighting his jawline, his hand gripping your thigh––this was a sight you knew you wanted to see more. The intimacy of it all made you warm inside and the feeling of Tom’s fingertips digging into your skin only riled you up further.

You leaned over to kiss his cheek and he smiled at the feeling of your soft lips drifting over his skin. “Darling––” His words were cut off by a harsh moan when you trailed your lips down to his sweet spot, the noise almost too loud for the quiet, tense air in the car.

You teased, licked and bit at his skin, not afraid to leave marks. It was Friday now, if anyone saw them on Monday, they would just assume he’d had an eventful weekend. Honestly, the thought that no one would know that you were the one who left those marks excited you––it would be a secret between you and Tom, a thing for the two of you to share on your own.

Tom’s hands were now gripping the wheel and your thigh with force, trying to get his bearings. “You’re being very naughty today, love. Can’t say that I don’t love it though.”

You smiled sinfully into his neck, continuing your actions. Your hand slid over his thigh teasingly slow to rest on his bulge, fingers squeezing ever so softly and he practically jolted in his seat. “Christ––love unless you want me to crash this car I suggest you stop.”

You pulled away, satisfied with how much you’d riled him up. He almost whined at the loss of contact, subconsciously upset that you’d actually stopped. But as your hand reached back down to find its place between your thighs, his tone shifted.

“Don’t you dare touch what’s mine. That’s my job.”

You actually felt a shiver pass through your body and you squeezed your thighs together at the sound of his dominant voice, excited for what was to come.

When you made it to his apartment, you barely had time to take in the scenery and take off your shoes and jackets before he dragged you to his room. But from what you saw, the decor was simple but elegant, much like Tom. His bedroom was the same, but again, you weren’t too focused on it.

He turned on the dim light in his room, wanting to be able to see you as he pleased you. He stepped closer to you and placed his hands on your waist, looking deep into your eyes. “You still want this?”

You nodded absolutely certain. “Want you to take me.”

His pupils dilated and he pulled your shirt up and over your head, licking his lips, eyes widening when he noticed what you were wearing and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Christ, were you wearing this all day?”

You nodded again. “The underwear’s matching too. Wanna see?”

He got down on his knees, a teasing but desperate tone to his voice. “You’re a smart girl, don’t ask stupid questions.” He unbuttoned your pants and pulled them down along with your socks, mouth dropping open as he got to see the full set.

You ran your hands up and down your body teasingly as he stood up. “Do you like it?”

He shook his head, smiling in disbelief, “Again with the silly questions, love.” He leaned in to kiss you, pulling away to take off his clothes. “You look like a goddess, darling.” You could feel your skin heating up from his words and his stare. He pulled you in for another kiss before bringing you onto the bed.

You lied down in the middle and spread your legs, waiting for him eagerly as he lied down between them. “Can’t fucking wait to taste you, love.”

He pulled your panties over to the side and licked into you, his tongue softly swiping through your folds. His eyes rolled back as he moaned into you, “Taste just as perfect as you look.” He slid his hands around your thighs and pulled you in closer, smiling at the small squeak you let out.

His tongue was exploring you, finding all the spots and all the tricks that made your toes curl and your breath hitch. He was keeping this all to memory, memorizing the way you feel, the way you look. When your breaths quickened and your fingers tugged at his curls, he locked his arm around your stomach, slid one, then two fingers inside of you and sped up his movements, moving his head from side to side as he hummed onto your clit.

Your body tensed and you held onto him for dear life as the knot in your stomach gave out, the pleasure spreading all throughout your body. Your mouth dropped open in ecstasy, your neck craning back and Tom couldn’t look away from you. You looked like a painting and he wanted to commit it to memory.

He let go of you and kissed his way up your body, soothing you with his lips. Your legs were still twitching slightly, your stomach clenching and unclenching when his kisses reached your cheek. “Look so pretty when you come for me.” He kissed along your jaw, “Can’t believe you’ve deprived me of such a beautiful sight for so long.” He kissed your lips and tugged your bottom one between his teeth, before looking at you, eyes wide, “You gonna give me the privilege of seeing it again?”

You smiled, your hands coming up to hold his cheeks. “You can see it whenever you want. As long as you’re the one making it happen.” You pulled him to you and kissed him, the both of you moaning into the small gaps between your mouths.

He started to pull away but you whined and pulled him back making him smile. “I’ve gotta get a condom, love.”

He tried to get up again but you pulled him back down, “M’on the pill Tommy.” You looked up at him, pouting and he almost gasped––the effect you had on him was insane. “Just fuck me please.”

He didn’t need anymore convincing, grabbing a hold of his cock and swiping it through your folds, groaning out loud at how good your wetness felt. You bucked your hips and realizing you were getting desperate, he finally slid into you and all your senses immediately tuned into him.

Just like your dream––All of your senses were in overdrive. All you could feel were the hands tracing every curve of your body, playing you like a toy they’d made themselves. All you could hear was that sweet, rough voice telling you praises and calling you endearing names as your whole body shivered from the pleasure.

His eyes were watching your face, taking you in as he thrusted into you, making sure you were enjoying everything he was giving you. You felt absolutely amazing and so did he. “So perfect for me, darling. That’s it.” He bit his lip and sped up, making your jaw drop as you stared into his eyes, completely open and vulnerable to him. His touch was tantalizing, even better than your fantasies which only meant you’d become more addicted to him and what he could do to you.

He grunted, angling his hips when he found your spot, hitting it over and over, bringing his hand down to play with your clit. “Told you I wanted to see you cum again, pretty girl. So you’re gonna cum then I’m gonna fill you up. That sound okay?”

You nodded eagerly, eyes watching his every move as your hands gripped his arms, your thighs burning invitingly as they stretched around him with every thrust. Then you uttered that one word that always had him almost inappropriately weak for you. “Want to be full of you, professor.”

His jaw slacked and he paused for a slight moment before picking up his pace, faster than before, hips chasing after both your highs, fingers still rubbing you just the way he learned, just the way you liked. “Fuck-–”

A few more thrusts and flicks of his wrist and you were tensing under him, your pussy clenching around him as he let out broken curses and moans, losing his rhythm and releasing into you with a groan.

He rested some of his weight on you for a moment, the both of you smiling and laughing breathlessly as you took in the moment. Your hands came up to play with his curls and he sighed, leaning into your touch. He lowered his head into the crook of your neck and left a few soft kisses, coaxing some sighs from you as well.

After a moment, he rolled over and took you with him, making you nuzzle further into him, his arm wrapped around you, your leg slung over his waist. His hand was rubbing up to your ass and down to your thigh, lulling you to sleep while simultaneously riling you up again.

He kissed your forehead and you kissed his chest in response. “That was fucking amazing, love.”

You nodded and hummed in agreement, “Even better than my dreams.”

He pulled back to look at you, you could hear his heartbeat quicken and you tried to hide your face in his chest. “You had dreams about this too?”

That made you lift your head up to look at him. You could see in his eyes that he wasn’t joking but you were still slightly shocked. “Too?”

He smiled, licking his lips, “Well maybe we should discuss them, and try them out for ourselves.” His hand found its way between your legs again, making you moan but that didn’t stop you from responding.

You nodded, “For research purposes, of course.”

“Of course.” He grinned, “See, I knew I taught you well.” He leaned in to kiss you deeply, “My girl’s the perfect student.”

You spent hours exploring each other's bodies as you reenacted your dreams, both exceeding each other's expectations every time. By the time you fell asleep in each other's arms, it was late at night and you were sweaty, and tired, but overwhelmingly pleased.

❊❊❊❊

The next Friday, it was halloween. Liz had somehow convinced you to go to a halloween party with her. On top of that it was a frat party. And even worse, you dressed up as a school girl because it was all last minute and you didn’t have any time to get a costume.

“Oh come on Y/N, you look hot!”

You turned in the full length mirror to look at your ass that was almost visible in this mini skirt. “You think so?”

“Duh.”

And that’s all the convincing you needed to go out. You needed a little college fun. You hadn’t been to a party in who knows how long because you were always focusing on your work. You deserved this. Also Liz said it was a celebration of your “lay”, yes, she said lay.

“I’m just saying you cannot let me get with him again.”

“Liz it’s literally his frat house that we’re going to and we both know you have little to no self control.”

“Well damn. You couldn’t have sugar coated it?”

“What, you want me to throw a packet of splenda on you?” You joked.

She shoved you, “Dude shut up,” she laughed.

You looked down at your bare thighs that were only partly covered by your thigh high socks and rubbed your arms, regretting not bringing a jacket when Liz spoke up again. “Oh shit, is that Professor Holland?”

Your eyes shot up and made direct eye contact with him. He was wearing a hoodie and some sweats but he still looked great as usual. His eyes trailed down your body and soon your shivers were no longer because of the cold.

“I’ll just wait here.” Liz said suggestively and you walked over to Tom.

“H��Hi.”

He put his hands in his pockets to stop himself from reaching out to touch you, he didn’t know who was around. “Well hello to you too.” He looked into your eyes, a smirk on his face. You rubbed your arms quickly for warmth, and Tom had to control himself to not look at your chest, even though he could see your nipples hardening from the weather through your shirt. He wanted nothing more than to hold you in his arms and take you home.

“Any plans?” You asked.

“No, I'm just about to go home. I’m uh guessing you have somewhere to be?” His eyes traced your figure again.

“Yeah um me and Liz are going to a frat party.” You pointed back to your friend and gave him a small smile and shrug. “She convinced me.”

He wanted to kiss you so bad but he had to restrain himself.

“Be safe tonight, yeah?” His eyes were comforting, as they always were, but this felt almost more personal? Almost like he didn’t want you to go. And honestly, after seeing him, you almost didn’t want to either. You never defined your relationship with him, so honestly right now he was like a friend with benefits––professor with benefits, if you will.

You nodded, licking your lips nervously. “O––Okay. I will. You be safe too!”

His eyes followed you as you walked off, your friend pulling you along, obviously whispering to you, probably about him. You looked so fucking good and everyone else was going to see that too. It’s not like he owned you or anything, but part of him really wished he could claim you, openly care for you and be affectionate. His thoughts were a mix of wholesome and raunchy and he had no idea how to act.

He almost felt wrong but he couldn’t get the thoughts out of his mind, the way you looked up at him sheepishly, the innocent look in your eyes while you were wearing that mini skirt. His cock was bulging in his boxers ever since he first laid eyes on you. When he got home, he made his way to his bed, undressing almost immediately. Lying down in the middle of the bed, just where you were days before brought a flood of memories into his mind, only making his member throb even more. He tugged at his cock, spitting in his hand to make it slick.

Images of you were flashing in his mind as he sped up his movements, desperate for a release.

He was dying to get a taste of you again. The memory of the way you felt under his fingertips, the way your muscles clenched when he hit the right spots. The way you tasted when you were dripping onto his tongue. The way you looked at him when you came, your lips parted to release broken moans and whimpers. The way your fingers gripped his curls as your body tensed. It was all enough to make him spill over his hand, his breaths coming out in quick pants as his head dropped back onto the pillow.

“Fuck.” He really had it bad for you.

❊❊❊❊

Tom had texted you during class on Tuesday to meet him in his office when you were done with classes for the day. When you stepped into the room, he locked the door immediately, bringing you over to his desk, his lips chasing yours. Screw worrying about people hearing you, he wanted you. Now.

“God, just seeing you in that tight little costume––you have no idea how badly I wanted to ravish you. The thought of all those dumb frat boys seeing you in all your glory like that––I was absolutely beside myself.” So that’s what this was about. His hand came up to hold your cheek, his eyes fiercely staring into yours and you nuzzled into his touch, your hand holding his wrist softly and his eyes softened at the sight of you.

“I’m gonna absolutely devour you.” You gasped and he smiled, pulling your pants along with panties down. He sat you down on his desk and got down on his knees, licking his lips. “As soon as I got a taste of you, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go without it ever again.” He kissed your thigh, looking up at you. “You gonna let me have a taste again? Wanna make you feel good, lovie.”

You nodded, swallowing roughly, “Y––Yeah. Yes please.”

He chuckled breathlessly, “Such a polite little thing you are.” He kissed his way from your inner thigh to your center before licking a torturously slow stripe from your hole to your clit. You let out a sigh and gripped the desk, your fingertips becoming lighter at how hard you were already holding it.

His hands held your thighs open, putting them over his shoulders, holding you in place. His tongue was languidly licking you up and down, savoring your taste and your moans, coaxing them out of you one by one, nonstop. He looked up at you and your breath got caught in your throat, the look in his eyes fierce, almost as if he could see your bare soul and he clearly liked what he saw. He brought his lips to close around your heat after every other swipe of his tongue, passionately kissing your heat.

“So fucking good, angel. Always the best for me.”

You nodded, licking your lips, one of your hands coming to grab at his curls, making him growl into you. “Only for you, Tommy.”

He didn’t stop his tongue or his lips until you came, your back arching, fingers frantically grabbing for whatever you could hold, lip trapped between your teeth to muffle the moans that so desperately wanted to escape into the quiet air of the room. He kept going until you had to pull his head away from you, overwhelmed by all the pleasure and scared that you would scream and alert everyone in the building about what you were up to.

His hands were caressing your thighs, eyes looking at you in awe, almost too innocently for what you’d just done. He stood up between your legs and leaned in to kiss you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue and his lips.

He pulled away to look at you, hands holding your hips as your legs wrapped around his waist. You brought your arms up to link around his neck, looking up at him appreciatively and absolutely spent. “So do you think I should wear school girl outfits more often?”

He laughed, his hands holding you tighter, “If you do, my head is never leaving between your thighs.”

You smiled cheekily, batting your lashes at him. “Promise?”

He’d never gotten down on his knees quicker in his life. Let’s just say it took you another hour before you left his office.

❊❊❊❊

Over the past few weeks it had become a routine for you to go over to Tom’s office to seemingly “work on your assignments and review,” so it wasn’t out of the ordinary for you to show up unannounced Friday afternoon. Without meaning to, though, it seemed you showed up a little too early, and ended up overhearing part of Tom and Harrison’s conversation.

“I can tell Y/N means a lot to you, mate. Don’t lie.” Your heart dropped to your stomach as you skidded just in front of the door, about to turn the corner inside. You backed up and stayed pressed to the wall. Luckily no one really stopped by this side of the building at this time on a Friday, so no one would find you snooping around in the middle of the hallway.

“No I just––”

No. He said no––Okay you weren’t going to freak out. This always happens in the movies, and then the main character runs away before hearing the most important part and they overreact. So you decided to just...wait it out.

So you waited and waited. And the more the silence overwhelmed you, the louder it got. You could feel the tears starting to form in your eyes because you really thought your feelings were mutual. But just as you inched your foot backwards to walk away, he spoke up again, his voice quiet.

“She means everything to me, man. I––It scares me, honestly. I just don’t want to mess it up.”

This time the tears fully formed in your eyes, but for the absolute opposite reason. You smiled and wiped at your eyes, not even bothering to hide anymore as you turned the corner, surprising Tom, his eyes widening as he took in your appearance. Harrison turned around to see you and his gaze filled with concern as well.

“Tom––” your voice was quiet but there was a smile on your face.

“Darling––” He rushed over to you and grabbed your hands, wiping your cheeks with his thumbs to catch the few tears that escaped. “What’s wrong, are you alright?”

Your hands came up to hold his wrists as you looked into his eyes, “I heard you talking.”

His face dropped in realization and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

Harrison cleared his throat and subtly made his way out, “You guys have some things to discuss.” He put a hand on your shoulder and you both smiled at each other appreciatively before he walked out, shutting the door behind him.

Tom took your hands and brought you over to the couch. “I hope I didn’t scare you off, love.”

You shook your head immediately, even climbing in his lap to prove him wrong and he smiled gratefully. “No! It’s just that we never really talked, you know, about us.” He nodded and you took that as a sign to continue, enjoying the way his hands subconsciously slipped under your shirt to rub at your skin soothingly. “I like you Tom, obviously. But I like you a lot.” You linked your hands behind his neck. “I think I might be falling for you.”

His eyes started tearing up as well, as he smiled, “Yeah well, I think I’ve already fallen for you, darling.”

You looked into his eyes and your smile brightened, “Okay maybe I lied––I’ve definitely already fallen for you as well.”

You both laughed lovingly, pulling each other in for a sweet kiss.“Look,” Tom started, licking his lips. “I don’t know what this means for our future, but all I know is I don’t plan on letting you go any time soon.”

You kissed his lips softly, “Well I don’t plan on leaving any time soon either.”

“Good.” He looked at you and you felt as though your soul was out and open for him to hold and love. “Cause you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Y/N and I don’t ever want to lose you.”

You could feel your eyes tearing up again. This felt good. This felt like home.

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland oneshot #tom holland fic #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #professor!tom holland #professor!tom holland x reader #tom holland angst #for a sec tho lol #professor!tom holland imagine #professor!tom holland fic #professor!tom holland oneshot #professor!tom holland smut #professor!tom holland angst #professor!tom holland fluff

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flashflashhundredyarddash · 3 years

Text

Also, here are some of my favorite fics I've found over the years! These are going to be DC/Batfam fic recs.

Running Headlong into My Arms by gleesquid

"Bruce doesn’t like to credit one thing for saving his life, but if he did, it would be Haly’s Circus that Friday night in September, just as summer was beginning to die.

(He'll always be a sucker for kids with sad eyes, no parents, and more fight than the world knows what to do with.)

Or: in a universe where superheroes don't exist, Bruce Wayne finds his family."

Been a while since I read this one, but I remember thinking it was pretty good!

It All Started Fairly Normally by @kazyre

"When Wally doesn't show up at the cave one day for training, Dick immediately knows something happened to his best friend. The League is called in to help once they do find him. As well as the entire speedster family."

Probably one of my favorite fanfics EVER. I still to this day routinely reread the whole series

Robins and Other Flightless Birds by @ionalottabookmarks

"It begins with another Bruce, looking around his cave and asking, “So where are the kids?”

Bruce has never thought about having a family before. But once the idea occurs to him, it's hard to think about anything else."

*puts head in hands* This fic is just. So good. Bruce clearly trying so hard but also failing over and over again so hard. I love this characterization of Bruce so much.

Quiescent by kira892

"Wally wakes up to an empty bed.

He mourns the absence of warmth at his back and the familiar comfort of heavy, sleep-slack limbs draped over and around him before his brain processes the soft whisper of music drifting in from the left, in the direction of his desk. He cracks his eyes open and takes a moment to stare because the sight that greets him is certainly one to be appreciated."

A quiet, intimate birdflash piece that I really enjoy.

you lost the starlight in your eyes by @novaviis

"So, Dick collapses.

It comes out of nowhere. They’re in the kitchen one rare morning that they both have off. Wally is trying to follow his dad’s old recipe for French Toast, and Dick is doing the laundry. There’s easy banter and flirting and tired kisses with too much stubble because neither of them have shaved yet. Wally jokes about growing out a beard. Dick says he’ll leave him first - and easy on the sugar, he’s watching his hips. Dick goes into the laundry room and Wally calls to him down the hall about grabbing his phone or something from the bedroom.

No answer.

Wally calls him again. Dick walks out of the laundry room in a bit of a daze. Wally asks him what’s wrong. Again, Dick doesn’t answer. He just looks up at Wally and... drops."

I started reading it and just couldn't stop. Novaviis does a great job at building up the tension and really writing a strong, committed relationship, and the whole fic is incredibly cathartic.

Life Happens by @cdelphiki

"While walking home from an event at Wayne Enterprises, Tim and Damian are kidnapped and sent to an alternate dimension. In a world where superheroes are merely comic book characters and the idea of the multiverse is only a theory found within the pages of science fiction, how are Tim and Damian going to return home? How long will they be stranded on this strange Earth? And will the boys murder each other before they figure it out?"

This is a fic with a very interesting premise that is executed beautifully and is very bittersweet. A fantastic development of a Tim and Damian relationship.

An Old Lullaby by @faramirsblessing

"Tim and Damian are injured in an accidental explosion that destroys Gotham High and Gotham Academy. Damian's injuries are more severe than Tim's, leaving his life hanging by a thread, and the Batfamily struggles to come to terms with his injuries. They must learn to rely on strangers to help their littlest member while coping with their own grief, confusion, and guilt."

This fic is a WIP and I'm loving every update.

Watch This by snackbaskets

"Hal and Barry are worried about Batman's new partner. Being around the Batman all the time can't be good for a kid, right?

Robin insists otherwise, and for $15.36 of betting money, is happy to demonstrate."

This fic makes me laugh every time I read it, it's hilarious.

This post got long so part 2 is here. I also have quite a number of Star Trek, Marvel, X-Men, Haikyuu, and MXTX fics, so if anybody's interested in those feel free to send me an ask! Again, this is by no means a comprehensive list of all the fics I'd recommend.

#birdflash #dc #batfam #batman #fic recs #fanfics #long post #the burd squawks

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gotnofucks · 4 years

Text

Choose

Written for @darkficsyouneveraskedfor Halloween Challenge! This is my first time posting here, so be kind 😊

Character pairing: dark!Steve x Reader

Summary: Steve realizes he can’t let you go when you’re stuck in a safe house with him.

Quote: I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched

Words: 4.1k

Warnings: Non-con (implied), non-con touching, blackmail, coercion, 18+ only. Please don’t read if you don’t like.

MASTERLIST

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The rain was falling in torrents and how you made your way through it you would never know. It was only September, but the rain made it much colder and you were so glad that you were in a car with heating on. Steve was driving almost blind and if it were someone else, you would be scared, but it was him and so you let yourself sink into the seat and relax.

“Take my jacket, you look cold” He said as he shot your slightly shivering form a sharp look.

You nod and reach behind to take his jacket and wrap it around your body. You do it without hesitation and with no question. Always so trusting and obedient, at least, when it came to him. You were small, in fact positively diminutive when it came to the super soldier sitting beside you and seemed to drown in his jacket. He smiled when he saw you, and you smile back at his cheeky look.

“How long until we get to the safe house? I am hungry.” You asked, wiggling in your seat.

“Not long. It’s right in the middle of this clearing. Maybe 10 more minutes”, He answered, reaching over to pat your knee in assurance.

“You’ve been there before?”

“Twice. Nat and I set it up just after we took down Shield and then later crashed here with Sam and Buck around 2 years ago. It’s safe and cozy.”

You hum and played with your fingers. It was only going to be the two of you this time. It didn’t bother you all that much. You would rather it be him than anyone else. Well, maybe Tony, but after him you liked Steve the best. You were one of the younger avengers, having been recruited only two years ago by Clint Barton. You used to work for a covert government organization IMF where Clint was undercover for a few years and seeing your talent with a gun and a computer, he had once asked your help in one of his Avengers missions where you met Tony Stark who immediately took a liking to you and trained you under him.

You worked as Tony’s tech girl, helping mostly with recon missions for a few months. Then Natasha started training you for field missions and low and behold, you were kicking ass with them for nearly 6 months now. You haven’t done very difficult missions yet, and not a single solo. Mostly you’re paired with Nat and Clint or, as this time, with Steve. Tony assured you he’ll let you do a solo soon, but always lamented that ever since you got outside, he missed his lab buddy.

You loved these small missions with Steve. He was always patient with you and taught you the drills but didn’t hold back. He would let you take the lead at times and was always proud of even the smallest achievement. At first when you had met, you had been kind if intimidated of his aloofness, but it didn’t take long for you both to bond over cheesy 40s music and your mutual love for art.

“Y/n, we’re here” Steve announced and got out of the car. You followed, grabbing your small bag and ran through the rain to the porch. It was like a getaway cabin and you were so glad you didn’t have to stay in some dingy hole. You wanted warmth, food, and a comfortable place to sleep.

Steve shut the door behind you and took off his wet shoes, putting them upside down near the door. You take off his jacket and your shoes too, grateful to be away from the squelching soles.

“There’s no fireplace” You observe with a pout, and Steve chuckled.

“Y/n, it’s a safe house. The smoke would let people know someone is living here. We don’t want that now, do we?” He gave you an indulgent smile and walked through to the kitchen, starting to unpack the supplies and food.

“But I am cold!” You whine, and for that moment Steve realized your age gap. He gestured for you to come to him while he put the water to boil and you slowly approached him with small steps. Once you are in front of him, he looked at your damp hair and clothes, thankful that his jacket had prevented you from getting too wet.

“You cold, huh?” He asked, hooking a hang around your waist to pull you against his chest. You stumble and steady yourself with both hands against his massive shoulders, your head a couple inches below his shoulder.

“Yeah” You moan, wrapping your arms around his body. “How the hell are you always warm, eh?”

Steve chuckles again and continues to cook while hugging you with an arm around your body. This closeness isn’t new. He would never admit it, but Captain Steve Rogers is a serial cuddler and you are his favourite cuddle buddy. He would cuddle you on the couch during movie nights, he would cuddle you after returning from a tough mission and he would cuddle you when you get your period. Steve Rogers was your best friend, and you felt safe with him. But you didn’t know Steve Rogers wanted to be more than just your friend. He wanted you with him when he went to sleep and when he woke up, he wanted you when he cooked and when he took a shower. No, you had no idea that the National treasure of America was in love with you.

It wasn’t like he was hiding his feelings. He just never came out and said them out loud. Steve often believed that actions spoke louder than words and so he tried to tell you his feelings by doing little somethings for you. He learnt to make your coffee exactly the way you liked, he watched the movies you liked and read the books you read. He learnt to cook vegetarian dishes since you despised any kind of meat. More than anything, he tried to get along with Tony. Tony was your protective big brother/father, and he loved you enough to scare off every man who ever looked at your way. You were the only one in the team to have rooms on the same floor as Tony and you both shared a kitchen. Steve knew that if he wanted you to himself, he needed to get on Tony’s good side. So, he bit his tongue when he wanted to snap and gave his go ahead to things he deeply disapproved of, just to have to build back the old trust. It worked out, since Steve was one of the only people who were allowed a mission with you.

“Will there be hot water for a shower?” You asked, body being warmed by Steve. He looked down at your face, full of childish innocence and stripped off every hardness after a tired mission.

“Maybe, but definitely not enough for both of us” Steve commented. The vegetable stew needed to simmer for a while, so he sat you both down on the worn couch in the living room, your head on his shoulder and his arm still around you. He had hoped you would pick up on his feelings, since having you this close did things to him. Your soft body fit so perfectly into his large one that he never wished to part from you. Maybe tonight would be that night.

“I’ll call Tony and eat. You take that shower and save me some hot water if you can.” You said and took out your phone to let Tony know you were safe and would leave for compound in the morning as planned. Steve looked at you walk away, speaking softly to Tony and wished more than ever that the rain outside would turn into a storm just to prolong your stay. He didn’t get to have you alone a lot at the compound. There were always other people around, always Wanda wanting female company or Peter following you around asking how you impressed Tony. He liked it here in this little cabin, cooking a meal for you after a hard day of work.

“Tony says to leave early tomorrow so we can reach home by lunch. He wants to take me to meet Stephen Strange” You say suddenly, breaking out Steve from his domestic fantasy.

“Stephen Strange? Why?”, he asked, frowning.

“Tony and him and doing some weird wizard-avenger collab in that Nepal place- what is it called, Kamartaj- for a few weeks”, you answer.

“What’s that got to do with you?” Steve asked, slightly irritated and hands curing into fists.

“He’s taking me along. Says he doesn’t want me away for so long. Also, this wiz, Dr. Strange, he’s apparently some kind of genius. Tony says I can learn a lot from him. But I think it’s just a ruse. I’m pretty sure they are dating, and he just wants me to meet him”, You say with a fond smile. Steve doesn’t smile or say anything.

Weeks? You’d be gone for weeks? That too in another country without him. He didn’t like that. He didn’t like that at all.

“You wanna go?” He asked in what he hoped was a normal voice. He wanted you to say no, wanted to see that hesitation in your eyes as you thing of being away from him for weeks, maybe months.

“Sure, I think it would be fun. I wanna see the Himalayas and maybe I’ll visit India too. I’ve got a pen friend there who I’d love to meet.” Your reply was so nonchalant that for a moment Steve just stares, and then he is angry. Here was a perfect chance for you and him to spend time away from the overbearing presence of Tony Stark, but you would rather see snow covered mountains and meet a pen friend in India? He’d only thought you were being a little oblivious of his feelings, maybe deliberately trying not to acknowledge them as you wanted to take it slow. But it seems like you…it seems like you felt nothing beyond friendship for him at all. After all those months spent hugging and laughing together, and yet you would rather choose Tony over him. A rage settled over him and he needed to clench his jaw and curl his arm tight around the back of the couch to stop himself from grabbing you and…and doing things he had rather not do.

“Take that shower. Leave your wet clothes outside, I’ll see what I can do with them” Steve said suddenly.

“You sure you don’t want a shower too? We’ve got layers of grim from crawling through that tunnel.” You asked.

Steve looked at you for a minute, eyes rowing over your small face. He took in the little acne scars you were so self-conscious about, your slightly chapped lips and those beautiful eyes that reared him in. He nodded.

“Yeah, you go on. I’ll see if I need one” He said and went to the kitchen while you left for the bedroom with the connected bathroom.

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The bathroom was nicer than you had hoped, probably Nat’s doing if the products where anything to go by. You’d removed your wet clothes outside and stood naked under the stream of warm water, sighing with relief. It was a small mission but brutal on your body. It would have been heaven to have a tub in here, but safe houses were meant to be quick and effective, and this one was way better than others, so you didn’t complain. You were just going to wash your hair when the bathroom door opened, and Steve entered.

“Steve!” You shouted, hands covering your breast and turning so your back was to him. You looked at him with wide eyes, expecting him to sputter and leave but he stayed, eyes lingering on your ass a bit before meeting your eyes.

“Got any of that hot water left or have you finished all of it?” He asked, taking off his t-shirt and leaving his chest bare.

Your mouth opened in surprise as your backed yourself into the corner, trying to make sense of what was happening. Your best friend had just barged into your bathroom while you were showering and showed no signs of leaving.

“W-what are you doing, Steve?” You asked in a small voice, still covering yourself with your hands the best you could.

“Taking a shower. I told you we didn’t have enough water for two, so I thought I’d join you. You were right anyway, we are grimy.” He said and fumbling a bit, dropped his pants down too. You panicked, not understanding what was happening as Steve stood in his boxers, taking steps towards you.

“No. No no no no” You almost chanted that as a mantra, eyes going here and there, not knowing what to do. Steve reached your small body crowded into the corner and slowly, very slowly raised a hand to wipe away the dirty on your cheek. You started at his touch and quickly sidestepped, running towards the door. You didn’t know what had gotten into Steve, but you needed to get out of here. Now.

You’d taken only two steps before a hand wrapped around your waist and brought you back screeching to a hard chest, back against front.

“Stop. Steve, let me go. Please.” You said, your tears mingling with the water on your skin, one hand across your chest and other on his wrist trying to pry it off.

“No sweetheart, you need to take this shower. You’re dirty and tired. Come.” You hated his voice for being soft and soothing still, showing no indication of what he was doing to you. His voice was still your Stevie’s voice, calm, cool, a little commanding and full of affection for you.

“I- Steve, I don’t want a shower. Not like this, please.” You tried to break away, wiggling and crying but Steve didn’t listen and dragged you back and turned on the water again. You both were bombarded with hot water and stood under it for a minute before Steve turned it off again.

“Gimme that shampoo, I’ll do your hair.” He said, releasing you from his hold. But it wasn’t any good as you were blocked by the wall on your back and Steve at your front. You hadn’t turned around yet, but now you did. Sobbing, with thighs squeezed tight to hide you down there and hands inefficiently covering your breasts, you looked at him with betrayed eyes. You didn’t try running again. You knew his strength; you have trained with him. He could take you down in seconds.

“Why are you doing this? What is happening?” Your voice was small and broken, sending a pang through Steve’s heart. He loved you and didn’t want to hurt you, but you needed to see his feelings for you. He couldn’t risk you going away for months. He just couldn’t. His eyes slowly moved down from your face, taking in every inch of your body exposed, not touching, only looking.

“We’re taking a shower after which we will eat our food while we watch some stupid movie on that laptop of yours. Then, we’ll cuddle and sleep with you on my chest and tomorrow morning you will call Tony and tell him you won’t join him for his trip to Nepal.”

He was mad. He was insane, you were sure of it. Face burning with humiliation under his gaze, fire began sparking in your eyes. How dare this tall buff blond muffin think it okay to invade your space and demand such things from you? Just who the fuck did he think he was.

“No. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you, but you need to stop. Get out, or if you want to shower, let me go out. I’m done with whatever game you are playing.” You sneered at him. Steve had to smile at this, his little spitfire. He didn’t really expect you to give in easily, that’s not the girl he knew and trained. You were with the avengers because you could handle stuff others would wet themselves with. You were strong and he knew that. But he was stronger.

“What’s gotten into me?” He asked, closing the distance between you so you were against the wall and caged by his arms on either side. His face was inches away and your breathing sped up. He looked cruel and menacing, the blue eyes you loved so much taking on a much darker hue. “You have gotten in me. You got under my skin and in my thoughts and in my heart. Now I want you under me.”

He bent down and you were sure he was going to force a kiss on your mouth but he surprised you by pressing his lips softly on your forehead like he did when you had nightmares or right before a mission. It was a kiss of reassurance and love, and somehow, that just scared you more. Whatever Steve thought he was doing, he believed it was driven by love. And when Steve loved someone, he loved them without abandon. If he went against everyone to save his friend, what would he do to have you?

“Steve…please…” You didn’t know what to say or what to do. You wanted to get away from him and cover yourself up to get some control back. You wanted to talk to him and forget this ever happened and get back your best friend.

“You have two options. First, we both take a bath right now. I won’t touch you where you don’t want me to, we eat, and sleep and you go back with me to the compound like a good girl and tell everyone we are together. Or..” His eyes narrowed here, “Or, I could take you right here, right now and make you mine with little option. I could rail you deep and hard so you will feel me deep inside you for days on end. I know you’re not on birth control and I have no condoms with me, so if you get pregnant, you best believe I’ll have you tied down to myself with a ring on that finger by the end of the month. The choice is yours.”

Your heart sank. You looked into his eyes, your whole body shaking and knees ready to give up. He was serious! He was absolutely serious, and you had no idea what the fuck happened. Just an hour ago you were sure he was the person who made you feel the safest, but now that sanctuary had been torn apart and some possessive stranger had taken its place.

“You’re insane. You’ve lost it!” You cry, sliding down the wall as your knees collapsed, folding your knees to hide your nakedness. Steve followed you down and wrapped his arms around your small form.

“I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched. You own me, my heart and soul. And soon, I’ll have you too. How that happens is your choice. Choose.” His tone bore no argument. You had just one card to play.

“Tony would never stand for it. He’ll find out, I’ll tell him and then you’ll be done.” You made your tone harsh and full of venom. You don’t know what you expected him to do, but it definitely wasn’t laugh. It was an amused chuckle, like a daddy who was indulging his silly daughter, full of patronizing hilarity.

“Sweetheart, you don’t think I have a plan for that? Even if I spend months bringing you flowers and singing love ballads from your window, he wouldn’t exactly be convinced. He isn’t exactly fond of me, is he? I had a plan in place for months. I didn’t want to have to use it honestly, I wanted you to come to me of your own violation. But I just thought as a back up plan…” You screamed as he suddenly scooped you up in his arms, still wet and naked and carried you out to the bedroom. He deposited you on the bed and gave you a towel that you hastily covered yourself with. You looked behind you and the door was locked. It wasn’t any use anyway; he could outrun you in his sleep.

Steve got his phone out and showed you the screen, making your heart drop. There were numerous pictures of you with your family and friends from the past two years. Not just those, pictures of you with your previous team, the IMF, Ethan Hunt, and others. How Steve got these pictures you didn’t know, but it scared you.

“Everyone, every single person in these pictures has a target on their backs. I have had a sniper after all of them for over a year, mostly just to keep an eye on you and to make sure you are safe. But don’t think for one second that I will hesitate to take them out. There is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do to keep you with me.” He sat beside you on the bed and putting a finger under your chin turned your face towards him. “It doesn’t need to be nasty, sweetheart. I don’t want to be the bad guy. I have never been one and you can keep me from doing anything drastic. All you need to do is convince Tony that you are the one who wants me. You are the only person he actually trusts, so you need to make it believable. He has denied you nothing, and if you come to him yourself and tell him you want me…well…no one has to die, do they.”

This was a nightmare. Everything that has happened to you today is a nightmare. You didn’t want to believe Steve would hurt anyone, but then you didn’t think him capable of forcing him on you either. If there was even the tiniest bit of chance that he could harm anyone of your friends and family…no. You couldn’t let that happen.

“Option one”, You whispered softly, eyes downcast and lips trembling.

“What was that?” Steve asked, turning your face up again so he could look in your eyes.

“I choose option one. We- We eat and sleep and I call Tony I won’t go with him. Then we can tell everyone we are together.”

Steve grinned, his happy grin that everyone said only you brought out in him. It unnerved you that a man you loved and respected so much was doing this.

“My good girl” He praised, and then he leaned down and pressed his mouth on yours. The kiss was gentle and soft, his mouth lazily moving against yours. If it were happening any other way, you would have enjoyed it. He broke away and looked at you with eyes that sparkled. “You’ll love me too, one day. I am yours, and you are mine.”

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True to his word, you guys ate your dinner and watched a movie as you cuddled like you usually did at movie nights. Steve held you close, sometimes brushing his nose against the side of your neck or rubbing his hand along your sides. Afterwards, he laid down beside you, spooning your small body and holding it snug against his. He was warm, and you didn’t have anymore fight in you for today. The day was too fast and weird for you to process. You vowed to sleep now and to think of a way to get to Tony without arousing Steve’s suspicion. You weren’t ready to give up now.

You’d been asleep for only a couple hours before you felt cold air around your body. You woke up with a start and found yourself on your back, your t-shirt removed and Steve hovering over you, placing open mouth kisses along your bare chest.

“Steve! Steve stop!” You screamed, pushing against his chest. He looked at you with eyes blown wide with lust and taking your hands in one of his, he held them up while he tweaked your nipple with his other making you squirm. He bent down and swallowed your protests with a deep kiss, his tongue forcing its way inside your mouth and tasting you while he moaned.

“Steve please,” You were sobbing now, and trashing your legs which he held down with a strong thigh. “You…you promised. You said I get to choose. I chose option one”

Steve looked at you for a moment then kissed your cheek softly. Moving his hand between your thighs he murmured in your ear, “I’ve changed my mind. I can’t wait anymore”

#rooshalloweenficfest #steve x reader #dark!steve x reader #dark!steve rogers #dark!steve rogers x reader #dark!steve x you #dark!steve rogers x you #dark!fic

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ghostbustermelanieking · 3 years

Note

Jmart with 1?

so i made this prompt entirely too complicated. i've kind of had this idea for a while and used this prompt as an excuse to write it lol. i need to put more safehouse fics out in the world, right? also can be found here on ao3

1. things you said at 1 a.m.

It's too cold, after leaving the Lonely. It shouldn't be this bloody cold in London in September—it feels like it's below zero—and Martin's teeth are chattering as they walk back from the Institute. His fingers are freezing. Jon's shivering, too, clutching Martin's hand with both of his, leaning towards Martin as if he is a heater. It feels like they need winter coats, hats and scarves and gloves to block the wind, but the wind isn't blowing at all; Jon Knows, without even trying, that it's really just 10°C outside.

Martin hasn't completely shaken off the remnants of the Lonely yet. He's out of it, taking long moments to respond when Jon says anything; his eyes are still a faded gray. And he's shaking so hard that Jon can feel the vibrations all the way up his arm. He's tired. He keeps swaying into Jon's shoulder, unsteady on his feet. Hold on, Martin, Jon keeps saying. We'll be home soon. He squeezes Martin's hands. Numbly, slowly, Martin squeezes back.

They go to Martin's flat, because Jon doesn't have one and the Institute isn't safe. Martin's fingers are numb with cold (Jon Knows without trying), fumbling around his key without getting a good hold on it before Jon reaches for it and asks if he should do it. Martin nods, quiet, and Jon lets them in.

It isn't any warmer in Martin's flat. Not surprising, as deep as the Lonely had seeped into Martin, but it still hurts Jon a little to see, the cold seeping into his bones. They sit on the couch, vaguely speaking of dinner; Jon isn't hungry, but he knows Martin needs to eat, and so he presses the issue, thinking only of all the times in the beginning that Martin had pressed him to eat or brought him tea. He makes the tea this time, makes it the way he remembers Martin making it once, before the Unknowing, and brings the mugs into the living room. They never do make it to dinner; Martin is quiet, responding numbly, or not at all, to questions, and Jon isn't doing much better. Martin talks of moving to the bed—well, really, he tells Jon to take the bed and Jon says absolutely not, thinks It's your bed and I won't leave you alone —but it never happens. In the end, Martin falls asleep on the couch, his head tipped back against the back of the couch, his mouth half opening, shivering violently in his sleep, his tea going cold on the coffee table.

Jon finds every blanket in the flat that he can and piles it over Martin, practically cocooning him in them. It's clumsy work; Martin's comforter keeps sliding off, and the afghan from the couch gets tangled in the extra quilts. But it looks warm, and that's all that matters, that Martin is warm.

(There's fog in the flat, just a little, creeping over the floor. The Lonely is here with them, seeped into both of their bones, but it's sunk deeper into Martin, and all Jon can think is that he won't let him go. He won't let Martin be lost, not again. Not if he can help it.)

There are no blankets left. Jon pulls his own coat over himself, and then—trying not to feel too entirely pathetic—Martin's. It's large and warm, warmer than Jon's own; it smells like Martin, too, Jon's nose pressed against the collar. But Martin isn't gone this time, isn't off somewhere cloaked too heavily in fog for Jon to reach him; Martin is right here. Jon can hear his deep, shaking breaths, feel the comforting weight of him on the opposite side of the couch.

He fumbles through the layers of coats and blankets and finds Martin's hand again. It is the warmest part of him, as he's falling asleep, his hand in Martin's.

---

Jon and Martin sleep on the train to Scotland. They're both exhausted, both worn out, and both, somehow, still freezing. They shouldn't be this cold. Jon Knows they shouldn't be this cold.

Martin's brought blankets, and he insists Jon take one; he's been better today, more there, more… Martin, and he wasn't happy that Jon didn't leave any blankets for himself the night before. Jon's so cold—even in a jumper and a coat, and with the sun coming through the window—that he doesn't argue. (Well. Only a little, only to see Martin's face screw up in mock irritation in a way that might make Jon melt a little inside.) He takes the blanket. It smells like Martin, too.

They sleep, and Jon wakes up still cold, fingers still freezing, bones aching—except on one side, where he and Martin have slumped against each other, Jon's head on Martin's shoulder, and Martin's head against Jon's. The warmth seeps through the layers of blankets and coats and all of it.

Jon stays there, leaning heavily into Martin, for a long time after he wakes up, not ready to move away from the warmth.

---

There aren't enough blankets in the safehouse.

There is only one bed, which helps. One large bed—Daisy must have liked her space. But still: it makes the discussion over blankets easier. (They argue a little over who will take the bed; Martin tries to take the couch, and Jon tries to take the couch, and it begins to get ridiculous. It just makes sense, in the end, to share the bed.) Between the two of them, they pile the sheets, three quilts, and the blankets Martin brought on the bed. It still isn't enough. The bed stays freezing, and Martin stays freezing, too. He's been layering jumpers, scarves, even wooly hats, and pushing the same towards Jon; he looks like someone braving a blizzard, or sick with a cold, and Jon tells him so. He worries, afterwards, that he's crossed the line, made a joke about something distinctly unfunny (reverted back to a version of himself that he'd rather forget), but Martin just laughs a little and says, "If I'd known this would be the effect of working for Peter, I might've invested in more winter clothing." Jon laughs, too, and accepts the scarf and hat when Martin pushes it his way.

There's a box of firewood out by an old shed. Jon doesn't bother speculating what it might be for. They build a fire in the hearth, that first night, and that helps. Read books they've both packed on the couch, their knees touching through the layers of blankets, and it's the most peaceful Jon's felt in a long time.

The cold creeps back in, though. Even with the blankets, even with the ancient heating system in the house turned on, even with Martin in the bed with him ( Martin, who Jon has missed tremendously for seven months now). The cold and the fog and all of it; it creeps back in while they are sleeping, when Jon is too distracted to notice.

He wakes up sometime in the middle of the night, shivering, teeth chattering. There is a quivering in the blankets, a sort of shaking, and Jon knows that Martin is shivering, too. The fog is creeping back in; somehow, the Lonely hasn't left them yet. Jon reaches out and brushes his fingers over Martin's arm; he hisses a little at the contact. One or both of them are as cold as ice; he isn't sure who anymore.

His mind immediately begins racing, searching for any sort of alternative to the blankets and the jumpers and the socks and scarves. More jumpers in the suitcase, he thinks. The coats. Maybe they can conserve some warmth with the curtains, or some ridiculous thing like that. Anything to keep Martin warm. Somehow, two of the blankets have ended up on his side—Jon isn't sure why—so he attempts to rearrange them, pushing them over to Martin's side, and slides to the edge of the bed, ready to retrieve more things from the suitcase. But Martin's voice, rising blearily, sleepily from the other side of the bed—"J'n?"—stops Jon in his tracks. He hadn't realized that Martin was awake.

Martin yawns, twisting in the covers, his teeth chattering a few more times. "What… what time s'it?

"1:07 a.m.," says Jon automatically. He shivers hard a few times on instinct, wraps his arms around himself. "I-I'm sorry, Martin, I-I… didn't mean to wake you."

"Mm, wasn' really sleeping anyway…" Martin yawns again, rubbing at his eyes. They look bigger, somehow, without his glasses, dark and soft in the dim light of the room, and Jon loves him so much.

"I… I wanted to get you more blankets," Jon says, forgetting for a moment that there aren't any others—he revises, "O-or… something else to keep you warm. Something… y-you looked cold, I mean."

Martin blinks a few times in disbelief. Looks out at the blankets at the bed and pulls at the two knit ones from his own flat, like he can't believe they're there. "Jon, you… gave me the blankets back," he says, voice stiff thick with sleepiness.

Jon chews at his lower lip, shudders all over as another wave of cold hits. "Y-yes, well, they'd… ended up on my side of the bed, somehow, and you… you were cold, as I said, and I…"

"Jon, I g-g-gave them to you for a reason," Martin says, sounding more awake, and maybe a little fauxly put out; he's clenching his jaw as he talks in an attempt to keep his teeth from chattering. " You're cold, Jon. You were sh-shivering in your sleep!"

It's Jon's turn to blink in surprise now, caught off guard by Martin's words. "Yes, b-but you… you need the blankets more than I do, Martin… th-they're your blankets, and you've been freezing since the Lonely, a-and…" He looks out at the room. He can't see the fog anymore, but that doesn't mean it's gone. "I don't want to lose y—" he starts, stops. Martin might not be his to lose. Amends: "I-I don't want you to be lost, not again, a-and I…"

Martin makes a faint sound of what might be disgust. "This is ridiculous, Jon," he says, and Jon allows himself to worry for a second (Has he gone too far, saying I don't want to lose you, assuming Martin wants this kind of contact, when Martin only said he loved Jon, not love?), before Martin continues: "W-we were both touched by the Lonely… we've both been alone for so long, w-we…" He stops, rubs a hand over his face. Jon can feel him shivering from here, all the way across the mattress. (King sized. Why does Daisy need something this big?)

Martin lowers his hand. His eyes are wet; Jon can see, and he worries still that he's gone too far. But then Martin's reaching across the mattress, his hand extended towards Jon, and saying, "W-we should just… it'd be warmer if we, um…"

Jon slips his cold fingers through Martin's; Martin squeezes his hand, so gently that Jon's chest aches a little. He says, his voice soft and sleepy, "... C'mere?"

Tentative, Jon slides across the mattress, through the nest of blankets towards Martin's broad, soft chest. And then Martin's arms are sliding around him. Martin's embracing him, hands soft and just as cautious against Jon's back. And Jon can't help it anymore; he melts into the embrace. Winds his own arms around Martin, pressing as close as he can physically get (arms around his shoulders, face pressed into his neck). It's easy, too easy, because Martin has been gone for so long and Jon just only now got him back—he's thinking of the tapes and Martin slipping away down the hall, Martin being taken into the Lonely, Martin's voice saying he wouldn't be coming back, and it's all too easy to cling to Martin hard as he can. They're both still freezing, skin chilled to the cut, but… Jon can feel it dissipating. Something warm is growing between them, he thinks. Something.

"How did neither of us think of this?" Martin whispers. There's a quiver in his voice, just subtle enough that Jon can't tell if he's laughing or crying. "Two days we've been freezing, bundling up, a-and throwing blankets at each other like we're jumping onto a grenade… a-and neither of us thought of this?"

"I missed you," Jon whispers. He hears a sharp gasp from Martin, like he might cry, and it only makes him hold on harder. He's never held Martin like this before, never. (They hugged, before the Unknowing, but that was quick and awkward and over too soon, and Jon had foolishly thought there would still be a chance for this when he came back.) He's never held Martin like this before, but he knows he never wants to stop. He presses his nose against the hollow of Martin's neck and says again, "I missed you, Martin. So much. I… I don't think I can begin to tell you how much."

Martin takes a few trembling breaths. Ducks his head to press his lips against Jon's forehead—Jon leans into the affection of the touch, the warmth. "I've… missed you, too," he murmurs. "So much, Jon, I… staying away from you, a-after you came back… I thought I'd lost you, a-and it… it almost killed me."

"I'm here," says Jon, "I'm here, you're here," and he kisses Martin at the soft spot under his jaw. Presses closer into the bubble of heat they've created, threads his fingers through Martin's hair and adds, silently, I'll keep you warm.

When they wake, the next morning, the cold is gone, and so is the fog. Like it was never even there in the first place.

#thanks for the prompt!!#tma fic #jonmartin #the magnus archives #jm #i wrote this

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raith-way · 2 years

Text

Life Update

This post can totally be ignored, but I feel like it’s important to explain why I disappeared. Not making excuses, because I am sorry for going all ghost-like, but as a naturally curious person I like to know the why of things. It's very personal, very honest, so just a heads-up if you decide to read it.

There are triggers for mental health in this post, so I’m going to put it under a [read more]

Back in August and September, two of my aunts died. I was close to both of them, but they both got Covid and died within 30 days of each other. Which meant that in the month of September, I was meant to attend two funerals. There’s been a lot of death in my life, I’ve lost close friends and immediate family members, and funerals are like a trigger for me. Which is not a good thing because I repress my emotions. (Me and my therapist are working on that.) I still hadn’t mourned or even dealt with the first death/funeral before getting ready for the next one.

At the same time that all of this was happening, I was dealing with my own growing mental health issues. Years ago, I was diagnosed with clinical depression that contributed to insomnia and anxiety. At a low point, I started therapy and began taking medications to manage my depression. In 2020, my mother got sick and needed round-the-clock care. Making therapy appointments and affording medication became too difficult, so I stopped both forms of treatment and decided to simply “push through” my depression.

After over a year of going without medication or therapy, I realized that I was getting worse. Everyday stress became unmanageable, to the point that I buried all negative and positive emotions. I pushed away all of my support systems, because I hate worrying loved ones once I start to become lethargic and excessively angry. If there is no one around me that knows me, I can force myself to do daily tasks and won’t take my abysmal mood out on others.

[Trigger Warning: death, death of family.]

I have learned, after years of attempting to manage my own depression, to look for warning signs. My depression is expressed through insomnia and self-anger. (I say self-anger because I am always careful to never take my anger or frustration out on others. I am in no way violent to others, physically or verbally, and I don’t even raise my voice when I’m angry.) These emotions continued to build throughout 2020 and most of 2021.

When Aunt A was dying in August 2021, my family helped her as much as we could. I even spent time in her home, doing chores for her and sometimes just listening to her talk. For me, this was triggering because it wasn’t the first time I’d sat at a loved one’s side and watched helplessly as they got worse. It’s also important to know that I am the “strong one” in the family who doesn’t cry in these situations, so I am often asked to do things like this because I keep people calm by not reacting. (I react weeks or even months later, when I can’t keep repressing my grief.) My aunt died at the very end of August, the funeral was at the beginning of September. I went to the funeral, I held various family members as they cried, and a cousin even asked me how I could feel nothing after spending so much time with my aunt while she was alive and again as she was dying. I didn’t have an answer.

[Trigger Warning: self-harm, suicide attempt. Please stop reading here if either is triggering or upsetting.]

At various times throughout my life, I self-harmed as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions. It is not healthy, it is extremely dangerous, but in my mental state at the time I believed it was the only way I could handle what I was feeling. (I will not go into details about what I did.) I could have asked for help, you can always ask for help when you have thoughts of hurting yourself, but I was not thinking at the moment and only trying to control my emotions. Days later, I admitted to myself that I needed help. I had pushed my friends away to the point that I couldn’t ask them and my family was still mourning Aunt A as Aunt B was admitted into the hospital for Covid. I called my old therapist from nearly two years ago and got an appointment to come in, because I had realized that I needed help.

Before my scheduled therapy appointment, Aunt B started to improve in the hospital and then suddenly died. Less than 30 days since the last family funeral, we were preparing another funeral. In the days leading up to the second funeral, I couldn’t sleep. I’m not sure how long I had been awake on the morning of Aunt B’s funeral, three days at the least, and I remember feeling both numb and like the inside of my head was stuffed full. I remember going through the motions of getting ready, I remember looking down at what I call my funeral clothes, and then I remember being on the phone and telling someone that I was tired and just wanted to lay down. I remember being told not to sleep, to explain what was around me, and I remember telling the person on the phone to please wait because I needed to get a towel to clean up.

For me, mostly, that day is a complete blur. I have snatches of memories, things I remember saying and seeing, and the doctors explained that the memory loss and confusion was most likely caused by blood loss and shock. I spent a little over a week in a hospital, being monitored and getting help, and it’s one of the most difficult things I’ve experienced. Coming to terms with the fact that I could have ended my life, hurting the people who love me by extension, is something that I’m still working through. Since October, I have been going to therapy and have started taking medication again to manage my mental state. I have had to go into the hospital once, at the end of October, to help get my medication fixed. November and December were difficult, holiday seasons are especially difficult at times, but my therapist is patient and absolutely wonderful. It’s an ongoing process, but I’m learning to put my mental health first.

Part of that is doing things that I enjoy. I’ve been on regular walks when the weather permits, I go outside more, I engage in conversations, and I have written and planned stories during my tumblr hiatus. I’ve missed writing and I am looking forward to engaging in fandom again. To writing, planning, editing, and doing the things that I enjoy.

So, yeah, that’s my life update.

#raith speaks #life update #hi yes i am still here #trigger warning #triggers

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