.

hi!!

so i’ve known ab subliminals, manifesting, shifting for a while, but always had minimal success. i was never able to get the ‘big’ things i wanted.

but since being on tumblr, i learnt about STATES. which i had previously known about when i had read the power of awareness by neville goddard. unfortunately, that didn’t last long as i started watching manifesting gurus on youtube and got clouded with information again. (no hate to sammy ingram) But i watched her a lot. and i never got that much movement even tho i was consistent, it would make me feel guilty if i was t affirming enough. and i would beat myself up, saying to myself “if u really want this, u need to affirm more”. i would do the 10k challenge, 10 min stuff, but it was soooo overwhelming. so much stress because i wanted so many things, and i felt like i didn’t have enough time, i had other stuff to do, so even tho i was consistent, i would stress myself out, wondering if i was doing enough, doing it right, etc.

this mindset was toxic, although i didn’t realise it then. i just would get so upset because i trying to hard. which is why it also took me a min to realise.. that i shouldn’t be trying that hard to get something … u either have it or u don’t! so anyways, one or two weeks ago, i came on here because i was done. i wanted my desires. enough. At first i got swayed by the void stuff, which made me put it on a pedestal . which made me angry, i was like bro not this shit again. i don’t wanna waste another months or years. and somehow i stumbled across states. i’ll admit it took me a second to grasp. i re read the power of awareness. and realised it is simple, once i understood it, i deleted tumblr and focused on my life, while occupying my ideal state.

One thing that i’ve been wanting a lot is to travel this year. I travelled last year a bit with my friend and spent 3 months in another country during the summer and it was phenomenal: i wanted this again for 2023. I want to live my life yk.

Well this morning my mum woke me up to tell me we are going on 2 holidays. one next month and one in easter. Athens, Greece and Verona and Venice, Italy.

i was like omg this is amazing ?? we had talked a bit about it and every time we did i was like “yes. we’re going” in my head. and today we booked those holidays.

Now what’s so special about this? Well i made a pinterest board end of 2022 with places i wanna go def this year!! every time i looked at this board i was like “it’s done” [just the way i think ab every desire, because it is done, it’s mine, it literally comes from my consciousness so it’s inseparable to me]

and yeah!! i have 2 other places on this pinterest board but it’s literally the 31st of January 2023 rn and we’ve already booked for 2 of them so that’s a fucking success. i’m so confident more than ever about my power and how the 3D truly is just a reflection of my consciousness/ state i dwell on often!!!!!

yeah as u can see i literally have athens, venice, paris and amsterdam pics on here as a vision board :))))

i want to thank @0t0mie @lotusmi and @angelsinluv (also to twitter users that explanation states v well and posted motivating content . i don’t rlly use twitter for loa stuff cus my irl friends follow me there but there’s a community over there i would lurk on that encouraged states and helped me understand that the mindless affirming in aim to TRY and get ur manifestation was pointless)

anyways i cannot wait to post more loa success stories. this way of manifesting not only makes so much sense once u grasp it. it literally is so fucking easy and effortless 😩 cannot believe it took me this look to figure it out but honestly its fine. my desires are already mine now. that’s all that matters 😎💪

Hangover J.S- Part 3

Find chapters 1 and 2 here

I finally found the effort to rewrite this part because originally i had it written andddd tumblr deleted it

soooo PLEASE READ BELOW

I really contemplated if I was even going to post this or go with this storyline. It’s just such a touchy subject and such a dark one at that. It’s horrible what people go through in their own homes and I didn’t want to post this originally on fear of upsetting anyone, but at the same time, maybe this can bring light to an evergoing problem and hopefully the resources I attached might spur someone on to think about reaching out for help.

If this is not well received, I have a plan B for a storyline that isn’t as dark, so please comment your thoughts, good or bad. Thank you for taking the time to read all of this pre-story information.

I love you all dearly, stay safe and don’t be afraid to reach out to me. I am always here for anyone of you need to talk. 🤍

This chapter is kind of heavy, it’s a deep dive into why the reader is the way they are. Please please PLEASE read the warnings before continuing on. This chapter is NOT MANDATORY to read due to the darker story line i chose to go with.

Warnings: Mentions and scenes of DV, mentions of cheating accusations, a lot of fighting, yelling, cussing, mentions of mental illnesses and SH!! Please read at your own discretion.

Warning (but not really): Jake being really protective and sweet over you despite you still hating him, it’s kinda adorable (towards the very end)

If you or someone you know is dealing with DV or SH, please use these resources below to seek help, it’s never too late.

DV Hotline: 800-799-7233

SH/Su!cide Hotline: 988

Please reach out and seek help. Talk to someone, whether it be a friend, family member or someone you trust. Stay safe, I love you all. :)

On with the story….

Taglist: @pono-pura-vida @cosima289 @startrekfangirl2233

Rooster took some convincing before Jake was able to pry your address from him. He was determined to apologize for upsetting you. He loved you and wanted nothing but to see you happy, especially if he could make you happy. The drive to your house was tense. He kept trying to figure out if he should just turn around and go home. Maybe, he thought, it would be weird for him to just magically pull up to your driveway late in the night to apologize for his behavior at the bar. Watching you walk out so upset made his heart shatter and he wanted to make up for it.

He thought over what he might say about a million times, or maybe you weren’t even awake anymore. He couldn’t dare wake you up this late.

Finally he decided, he check of the lights were on, and if you were even home.

Pulling up to your house, he noticed your car, and a truck that he knew deep down wasn’t yours. Were you staying with a friend? A family member?

He pulled his car up and noticed one light was on, presumably your bedroom. He walked up to the door and knocked. He waited for a couple of minutes with no reply, and he was about to walk away until he heard your voice cry out in what he could only assume was pain. His hand shot to the doorknob, praying to himself it was unlocked.

It was.

Entering your home, he noticed it was awfully dark except for some dim lighting coming from up the stairs. He went to go check on you and follow the source of the noise when he heard doors slam and make voice he didn’t recognize book through the house.

“Stop following me.”

Your voice followed up his demand, and you didn’t sound like yourself. “Please…I’m sorry! I’ll do better! I’ll never go out again! Please come back to bed.” You sounded defeated, tired. He could hear the pain in your voice like you’d been crying.

“No, you know how I feel when you go out. You dress like a whore, flirting with all those coworkers of yours. I’m not sleeping next to you until you finally realize that I’m the one that gives you a roof over your head and puts food on your table!”

“You don’t understand!” You were pleading at this point. “I moved away for you! I can’t help it that the Navy wants me back here. I could get in trouble!! I could lose everyth-“

Before you could finish, a loud smack rang through. Jake’s blood boiled at the sound of your cries.

You had been hit.

He wanted to step in, tell this douche off but he knew it’d only make things worse for you. “Look at what you made me do!! Don’t talk back to me!! There’s no excuses for what you’ve done. I know that one pilot was there, the blonde. He only wants in your pants!! Talking to him and egging him on is cheating on me!! Don’t even get me starting on that bird guy! You cry to me that he’s your best friend and that’s why he texts you all the time. I know what you did with him!! Don’t play dumb with me! You slept with all of them didn’t you?!” He was angry and Jake knew it. But he was so wrong. Jake didn’t want in your pants, he wanted to marry you, love you for the rest of your life!

“No! I’ve told you it’s not like-“ Again, you were cut off. A loud boom this time, and Jake’s guess was that this guy shoved you against the wall.

“Stop talking back.” Jake heard footsteps coming down the stairs and he quickly dicked behind the couch.

“Please don’t leave.”

No response.

You and this guy were in the living room by the door now. He was at the door, hand on the doorknob, with you standing at the bottom of the stairs.

What you said next, broke Jake.

“You’re going to see her aren’t you?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Yes it is!!! I’m your girlfriend!! Seeing another woman is cheating!!” Jake thought he’d turn around and hit you, but instead this man just walked out the doorway.

Jake listened as the truck started and left, and the only sound left for him to hear was your crying. Jake sat behind that couch for what felt like years before you finally went upstairs.

He stood up when he knew it was clear and thought about heading home.

But before he could decide, he was standing in front of your bedroom door, your sobs sounding from the other side.

He hesitantly knocked and heard you startle. He listened as you approached and when you opened the door, you looked like you’d seen a ghost.

“Seresin!! What the fuck are you doing here?! Get the hell out of my house!!” You went to shut the door but Jake caught it. You jumped at his quick movements and that’s when he realized he’d have to take a different approach.

You backed up, “How do you know where I live? You’re a fucking psychopath!! I will call the police! Get the fuck out!” Your voice was filled with hatred, venom dripping from every word.

“I’m not here to hurt you.” Jake put his hands up where you could see them, his motions slow.

“I don’t care! Get out!!!” You were pushing him now, but you weren’t strong enough to move him from his spot.

“Listen to me, I’m not here to hurt you. I heard what happened with that guy. I want to help you.” You froze at his comment.

“You? How did you-?”

“Please relax. I promise I just want you to be safe.” Jake took a step forward towards you. “Tell me who he is. Who is doing this to you?”

“That’s none of your business! Get out of my house!”

“Y/N, listen to me. I don’t care what I have to do to get you to tell me, but I want to get you out of here. Tell me his name.” Jake’s voice remained calm, as to not startle you or make you think he was going to yell or hurt you.

“That’s none of your-“

“Yeah, you just said that. Y/N, what he’s doing isn’t okay. You can’t keep living like this. Let me take you somewhere else, Phoenix’s? Roosters? Any family out here? You say where and I’ll take you right now.”

You stood there looking at him with disgust. “Get. Out. Now. I will call the police on you.”

“Go ahead.”

Your eyes widened as you picked up your phone, and you froze as you saw something Jake could only assume was a text. “Please, let me help you. You do not deserve this treatment. All I ask is you pack a small bag of what you need, and you tell me where you wanna go.” Jake took another step forward. You looked up at him from your phone with fear written all over your face.

“He’s on his way home. You have to leave!!”

“Come with me.”

“I-I can’t!! Get out of here!! Please!”

“Come with me.”

“He’ll kill you!!”

“Come with me.”

“I-he’ll…” your voice trailed off as you met eyes with Jake. You noticed he was crying. Jake had been crying for awhile. Seeing you like this was something he couldn’t handle.

Jake lowered his hands, and took another step towards you, closing most of the distance. “Please.” He was pleading with you to take his hand and let him help you. You stares at him, watching his every movement, and he took the time to note every injury on you.

Something particular caught his eye though. Just below your shorts, where they’d ridden up, he caught a glimpse of what looked to be wounds of your own doing.

You had been hurting yourself just as much as your boyfriend been hurting you.

Jake looked up at you again and your phone buzzed again. You looked at it quickly before returning your gaze. Jake felt a ounce of hope when you sighed.

“We have 7 minutes.”

Jake helped you pack what you could into a backpack and got you into his truck as fast as he could before he took off.

“Where do you wanna go? I can call anyone you want.”

You both agreed for you to leave your phone behind so you couldn’t be tracked. “Rooster, please.”

Jake nodded and without another word, Roostee was suddenly on the line. “Hey Brad, I know this is weird and odd but I need you to have your house open and unlocked and be outside and ready to go in 5 minutes.”

“Uhh, you do know it’s like midnight right?”

“I don’t care, I have Y/N and she needs somewhere to stay so please do what I say.”

“I’m up.”

Without any other word from Rooster, he hung up. Jake knew you’d known Rooster for years, and that you felt safe with him, you trusted him. Jake also felt safe about you being in Rooster’s care.

“Jake-“ you spoke up.

“You don’t need to tell me anything-“

“No, I feel like I need to apologize. You shouldn’t have witnessed that.”

“I’m glad I did.”

“He just gets so mad that I’m around you guys all the time. He thinks I’m cheating with you, he’s seen tou flirt with me. Everytime he finds out I was somewhere you also were, it gets worse. He wasn’t always like this, it started during the Uranium Mission.”

“Y/N…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“No, I feel like I need to-“

“We’re here. There’s Rooster.”

You went to get out of the truck to get to Roostee, but you paused and looked to Jake. “Thank you Seresin.” With that you hopped out and Jake watched as Rooster waved before hastily taking you inside.

Jake had no clue if Rooster knew of your situation or not, but he knew you’d be in good hands.

His drive home was deafening with silence.

He felt like he had a part to play in the shit you went through. He had to stay away from you, for your own safety.

Not for forever, but at least for awhile. He was the reason you were being hurt.

Hiya :) I was wondering if you could do hcs (or whatever!) with Bakugou where reader is having a rough time because they finally talked to an adult about *buse that they went through in the past? This week I found the courage to talk to the police about the gr**ming and ab*se a former friend did to me and wouldn’t mind some fluff but if this is uncomfortable please feel free to delete this!

You are so strong dear! It’s not easy to open up about that sort of thing, I’m soooo sosososoo proud of you!!! 💕 I hope this puts a smile on your face, dearie, even for a second. Thank you for your request too, this was the first headcanon I've done, and it was really refreshing to write this way! Xoxo

ps. I don't want to overstep my boundaries, but if you ever need to talk, I'm here! I'm a stranger on the other side of the screen, but I'll listen well to you, scouts honor. This invitation is open to everyone: if you need someone to talk to, message me! Ily.

Bakugo with S/O who’s down because of opening up about past abuses

Everyone, say hello to super soft, extra supportive Bakugo.

Generally, Bakugo is soft and affectionate with his gestures towards you, but his words can sometimes be harsh: this boy cannot use his words pls understand this 😖

But in fluffy times like these, this man is sweeter than candy to you

He’ll notice something is bothering you instantly, like

Why the hell are you so quiet?

Your smile and laugh are off... why the hell aren’t you making eye contact with anyone?

Your eyes are distant, downcast; ugh he’s so worried he can’t stop glancing at you throughout class.

Shifting a bunch in his seat, super uncomfortable and can’t get his mind off of you: why the hell do you look like you’re on the verge of tears?

He’s in agony, trying to remember if something he said recently could have upset you.

Poor mans is tearing his hair out trying to put two and two together and come up with a game plan.

Great strategist in school but when it comes to you he doesn’t know what the hell.

Usually goes with his gut, flying by the edge of his seat, not knowing what the hell he’s doing in a relationship but he low key loves it.

Anyways, he’s got no dice in trying to figure out if he upset you.

He does what any normal boyfriend would do: he holds your hand.

But that makes his alarms get louder; you pull away slightly before realizing it’s him, and then relax your hand into his, drifting off to wherever the hell you’ve been again

“That’s how you wanna play it, Y/n? Fine, I’ll play that way” he thinks in a rage as he pouts slightly and let’s out a huff of air.

This guy is such a baby he will throw a fit whenever you stop snuggling him, holding his hand, hanging on his arm, etc

Bakugo acts like he doesn’t like PDA but literally blows a gasket when you stop holding his hand I cannot be swayed on this concept.

You stayed after school a little bit to talk with Aizawa, and Bakugo was in action mode:

He buys snacks. Buys your favorite meal from you favorite restaurant, high tails it back to the dorm and shows up at your door with a blush on his cheeks and bags lining his arms.

“What are you doing Katsuki?”

“I got you snacks.” He grumbles, “What the hell does it look like I’m doing?” He knows you’re down, and he’s responding with the best way he knows how:

Actions.

His love language is acts of service can’t convince me otherwise.

He quickly pulls out the meal and sets all the snacks and side dishes set up like a buffet.

Side note: this man would absolutely peel your clementine's for you, would also make you a five star meal in the middle of the night if you asked just be ready for some mumbled insults...

“I’ve been down today haven’t I?” You’re the one to bring it up...

Bakugo respects boundaries, and is a firm believer that you will talk to him when you’re ready.

“Yeah...”

“Sorry-“

Absolutely not.

“Don't apologize for having emotions... it’s stupid” he adds, but scolds himself afterwards for being harsh with his words again... “You needta talk?” He quietly asks over food.

“Yeah...” You explain to him why you’ve been so out of focus; opening up about your past abuse to an adult is scary, it’s vulnerable, and your freaking out to say the least.

For some reason you felt ashamed, helpless, that you couldn’t stop it.

Again, he’s not having it.

“It’s not your fault.” No ifs, ands, or buts; it’s not your fault. “They took advantage of you, you trusted them and they used it against you, the fuck-“ he bites down on his lip and tries to blink away the frustrated tears in his eyes.

Sure, he’s trembling with rage, and he’d knock the person out if he ever saw them, but more importantly, he’s so heartbroken for you

It broke his heart that you have to live with those memories and emotions, he wanted to shield you from them but he couldn’t and he knew it...

“I am so damn proud of you.” He will hold you gently, resting his chin on top of your head, which is cradled to his chest.

From then on, Bakugo communicates his support in the way he best knows how when you get into this mindset:

If your room gets a little cluttered, he cleans it without saying a word.

If you don’t feel like doing your laundry, he sits you down with your favorite book and does it for you.

Don’t feel like leaving bed? Worry not! Bakugo loves cuddling you and could do it all day.

Did someone say breakfast in bed? Favorite comfort movie? Check and check, Bakugo is always ready to respond to your emotional state.

Absolutely insists you take a shower, at least to wash your body.

“You’ll feel so much better after baby.” Totally has favorite pair of pajamas and a snack ready for you upon your return.

Will absolute fight anyone who won’t leave you alone about it.

“Y/n you’ve been so quiet lately...”

“Oí, y/n doesn’t wanna talk about it, yeah?” Fire burning in his eye, very intimidating.

Gets a little sassy but that’s okay.

“You owe me dinner and a movie after you feel better.”

Always grumbles while making food for you, “what am I? Your personal chef? A maid?”

“What’d you say? Sorry I couldn’t hear you...”

“Nothing. I love you.”

Seriously he’s the best in these situations.

This mans adores you, and will support you through every up and down. His words may be a little harsh sometimes, but his actions get his point across:

Bakugo loves you and will be there every second, through every up and down, supporting you.

taglist: @zeyyackerman, @chibiiichann

Marvel Smuts & Such: Why Wattpad Sucks

I’m so upset... wattpad has deleted everything I’ve worked so desperately to create without a rhyme or a reason. I had over 300,000 reads on a BWWW Marvel insert reader story and a very active community... For the last two years I have been posting and updating whenever I could, and when I did I always gave it my entire being. 

Back story: I created this book in the summer of 2019, it was BWWM for all the people like myself who never get to see themselves inserted with an Avenger. THE READER WITH CURLY COILS AND DARKSKIN!  But of course anyone could read, I never once singled anyone out because it was all so inclusive! I even stated that anyone was free to read and people of all races and colors did! I also stated that it was 18+ in the bio and the story was under “Mature content” so I am totally unsure as to why it was deleted. Now mind you the age for users on WP is 17+ so it is not against the norm to have smuts related stories on that app (THERE ARE SO MANY SMUTS ON THAT DAMN APP) I wrote about Steve, Tony, Bucky, Loki, Peter Q,Thor, Pietro etc... Inserted with a black reader (Y/n)...Smut: Sexual Such: Fluff. I wrote more fluff than smut as of recently tbh but besides that's besides the point...

 I log-on after posting a small fluffy part last night and my entire story is deleted!!!NOWHERE TO BE SEEN! My heart is broken- just when I finally felt like I belonged and my writing mattered. I was heavily depended on this community I created to help me through this troublesome time and hopefully do the same for others. I literally just began to feel like my self because I have been battling with depression and anxiety because of this pandemic and the circumstances we are in. You have absolutely no idea how traumatizing that is when you work so hard for the support you receive and now everything is just gone EVEN THE MAJORITY OF YOUR WORK. Now I literally have nothing. I reached out to customer service hoping they would be able to help, but still have yet to be responded back to. 

 Now I have always loved reading fics on Tumblr, it is my preferred platform, but writing on Wattpad was easier....So I guess I’ll come on over here to Tumblr and try and write for fun, but I’m overly exhausted. I  feel like I will never have the support that I had on WP and it just HURTS, it really breaks my heart that something I worked on so heavily, my baby, is just gone without even a simple goodbye to all of the people who have supported me. I have no back up of my old writings and my drafts are completely gone. I was literally pouring my soul into a Bucky x Wakandian Princess story and was so excited because it was about 40 pages (according to Wattpad) long and really was cannon to FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER.  I was NEARLY finished and ready to post, I probably would have posted it today... UGH!  I spent soooo many hours on that app, dedicated so much time just to be shitted on. I m crying as I am writing this because I wasn't even warned that my material would be deleted. I feel so alone and left in the dust. WP is so glitchy and impossible it is ridiculous! And the fact that they WANT people to pay for premium reading WTF... I do not get how they can take someone else's work down without a warning. This is probably all over the place, but I AM PISSED and heart broken! 47 parts DOWN THE DRAIN + the 7 Drafts that I had been working on.

IDEK what to tag 

How I felt about the Ducktales ending:

Okay first off, Ik I’m late! But oh well! XD

Anyway!!

I loved the finale, sorta! I loved the full circle moments, the callbacks! All the characters! Etc!

But what I didn’t love, was Webby being a clone!

And related to Scrooge, one of my friends explains it well, so you can go to Soph’s blog for that!

But like, this has nothing to do with shipping for me! Like, I didn’t think of that, not until someone brought it up!

The main thing that bothers me is that Webby was never real to begin with?!

Like, APRIL?! Yes you can have your opinion, but don’t bash on mine when I say that was a terrible move! Like, the fact she isn’t real is the main reason I’m upset!

Like, technically speaking, we never had a Webby to begin with if you really think about it!

Why couldn’t they have just kept Daisy’s nieces, as her actual neices, with nothing to do with Webby!

Not to mention a few things in the final weren’t fixed! Like Webby being upset with Lena, and not really getting a moment between Beakley and Webby.

I’m not mad, I’m just a bit disappointed I guess. Don’t get my wrong, I loved the finale, but the Webby parts of it made me sad for her, AND FOR HUEY!

Like, poor Huey guys! He really got played! Webby took over. I wanted a Webby season if there were to be a s4! Not like this! If no s4, don’t try to make the finale of Huey season, about Webby. Just don’t. It really wasn’t needed.

Anyway! Ik people will send me hate anons/ask becuz that’s how terrible this fandom is, so guess what, I’ll just delete those dang ask cuz I really don’t care about how much you hate me, cuz guess what, I bet you I hate me more then you hate me! So don’t wate your dang breaths on me, go somewhere else! Block me for all I care! I’m fed up with how this fandom is, and if you aren’t, ha...

Also! About the Debbigail thing, I honestly don’t know what to do! 😅

Like, I made so much content on them, not to mention I also have a fic in the middle of being written! XD Soooo...

Part of me wants to be like my Voltron self, and ignore canon, at least that Webby twist. But gosh will you guys think I’m terrible for that. I wouldn’t ignore that ending if it wasn’t so...bad?

But the fact that it was done poorly, like s8, I might ignore it. Like in my fics l’ll warn people like, “In my fics, the Webby twist isn’t real”, ya know?

It’s my fanfics after all! You don’t have to read them! Tho tbh, it’s not like I’ve been writing much lately either!

I might just move on officially to writing for MHA! XD I’ll see!

Anywayyyy...

Overall, I am gonna miss this show! It was my first fandom that I was involved in, and I first started writing fics becuz of it! And edits!

Gosh...I gotta question, would it be weird to change my Icon soon? XD It’s like that icon is me! Ive been having it for years!

Im not good with change, so I might change it in a month! XD

Anyway! Goodbye Ducktales, thank you for the laughs and cry’s and so much more you gave us! We’ll miss you and your lovable characters!

I’m definitely gonna watch the Darkwing reboot!

Gonna miss this...

Why I like Kevan Miller, Steven Kampfer, Trent Frederic, Torey Krug, Tuukka Rask etc and why I will continue to like them.

(Sorry this is soooo long but it’s the only way I can explain)

So last night I got an anon ask and the person was asking why I like Kevan Miller when he’s a republican and I mentioned how I would make a separate post explaining my reasoning better and now that I have the time and its no longer 3 am, now seems like a good time lol.

So I’m gunna give a backstory about the players above that I mentioned and why a lot of bruinsblr doesn’t like them (so people that may not be aware know the context of why people are upset/dont like them). Most of bruinsblr doesn’t like Miller or Kampfer because they’re republicans. Everyone on bruinsblr is allowed to dislike them if they choose to. I recognize I’m in the minority on this app when I say I like and support Kevan Miller and Steven Kampfer. People on here also don’t like Torey Krug for the same reason and because he follows/followed Trump’s twitter account (since trumps account got deleted, torey now follows the “trump archives” account). People on here don’t like Tuukka anymore because over the summer, during all the blm stuff in the bubble, Tuukka went on tv in the bubble for an interview with a hat that said “Boston police” on it (the interview also aired right after the Bruins Organization posted about how they stand against racism, so people ended up calling Tuukka a racist hypocrite.) Last night, people on here found out that Trent Frederic follows Trump supporters and republicans on social media, which is why he’s losing some fans on this app. There are probably more stories about other players that I’m not aware of as well but these will be the ones I’m focusing on for now.

I am NOT going to start talking about my political opinions or my position on social issues. My account is called IntoAFandom for a REASON. So I can escape the real world and go “into a fandom” and have some peace. That’s why i never reblog or like or post about any real world events or issues. I want my blog to be solely about things, fandoms, and people that I love and care about. I don’t wanna come on my blog and see how a bombing happened or if someone got shot or this president signed this executive order etc etc. i wanna come on my blog and fangirl about Bucky Barnes being a sweetheart with kids or how amazing Matt Grzelcyk is at “tight turns” etc etc. Hence the name “IntoAFandom.”

I’m getting a lot of questions as to why I still support these players and I’ll definitely answer those questions in this post. Just so my mutuals know where I stand on this.

Now obviously it would be super easy for me to just go “well the player is super nice so i dont care about their political views.” And while that’s partially true for me, its not the only reason. For me, the reason is much deeper than that. I’ve never mentioned or talked about or even said it out loud. I touched upon what I’m about to say in that anon ask I got last night, but I’m going to go into detail now. It’s kind of hard to explain and the only way I can describe it is to tell you about my hockey journey up until this point, and specifically the 2018-19 season.

So one day in April in 2018, I was on school vacation and I was very bored. There was literally nothing on tv. However, as I was scrolling through the channels, I saw that a bruins game was on. I had never really watched hockey before in my life and the only experience I could remember having with it was when my mom was obsessed with them in like 2013 and how she set up this whole contraption to try and watch a game when a snowstorm made us lose connection. So with nothing else on the tv, crippling boredom, and being a Massachusetts native, I put the game on. It was literally just starting and the national anthem was about to start. We were playing the leafs lmao and it was game five or six of the series probably. I cant really remember because I didn’t think I would care this much about hockey at the time of watching it. But what I do remember was how CREEPY Tuukka looked😂 He was just standing there alone with a huge spotlight on him, head down, wearing these huge pads and looking straight up terrifying. I literally started laughing because of how creepy he looked. And then he put his cool ass mask on and right there I knew he was my favorite player. And to this day he is still my favorite. Tuukka was the first hockey player I EVER knew and could remember by name. I gotta admit, at first I thought his name was “Tuuk Arask” because that’s what it sounded like whenever the announcers would say it, specifically Jack Edwards lol. But then I was like “wait is it Arask or Rask” and after looking at his jersey like 3 games later I finally realized it was actually Rask lol. And I was like “Tuukka Rask. So freaking creepy lol. He’s my favorite.” I also have to mention that I’ve always been a sucker for people that play positions that no one else wants to play. Like for example, when I first started watching football in like 2014, my first ever favorite player was Stephen Gostkowski because he was the kicker. He was super good and he was instantly my fav. That’s what Tuukka was like for me. This huge, tall ass, creepy ass, goalie who was playing super well. How could i NOT like him. I didn’t really bother to learn any other players on the bruins team since they got eliminated in the second round. I remember saying to my mom “I don’t want them to be out. I wanna learn more.” I wanted to know more about the game and 6 games, or however many it was, wasn’t enough. So for some reason, I followed them throughout the offseason and in late September/early October I started watching a ton of their older games on YouTube. Not super old obviously, but games from like 2013-2017 ish. Just whatever I could find. And it was so interesting. I tried to only watch games where they actually won so I wasn’t wasting my time lol, but not having to worry about the score helped me start learning the game and some of the rules, like what an icing was for example. So then preseason games started and I got more into it. And then the beginning of the 2018-19 season started. I still didn’t really know any players besides Tuukka, even though I was watching YouTube games. The YouTube ones were more for me to learn the game and the rules rather than players (however, looking back, I did notice that Kevan Miller was a freaking beast, but I just didn’t acknowledge who he actually was. I just saw a player going absolute sicko mode and being like YEEEEAAAAH). The second player I could actually remember by name was Danton Heinen. I noticed he was playing really well and I was like omg who is that and I learned his name and he became one of my favorites with Tuukka. Next was Anders Bjork. I remember I was texting my friends and was trying to make it seem like I wasn’t a complete amateur at hockey knowledge, so I was like “hey guys, Bjork is back in the line up😃” and so I always remembered his name. Next was Ryan Donato because he was literally AWAYS smiling. Every time he was on camera he was SMILING. I loved it so much he was like a little bean. And so he was one of my favorites and i had a top three with him, heino and tuuks.

Now I was watching games and slowly learning important names like Chara, Bergeron, Marchand etc but it wasn’t really on my radar to actually learn all the players because I hadn’t even done that with the patriots who I had been watching and loving for yeeeears. But that was until I decided to watch a behind the b episode. And I was HOOKED. I instantly began to love and care about every single player on the roster. This was in like February of 2019. And that’s when I started trying to name everyone on the team, including their numbers. I made it a mission. I remember writing out lists in math class because I was so bored and would rather try to memorize hockey players. And that’s when I found bruinsblr. It was march by the time I started to post hockey stuff. And i made an instagram account so I could started editing them. I’ve had this blog since 2014 and its seen many phases, but march of 2019 was when I changed it into a mainly bruins blog. And I remember not knowing what “bruins lb” was and i never wanted to tag it because I thought it was like a club or something that I would be intruding on😂 So I started posting and reblogging bruins stuff and posting sucky bruins edits on here and on my insta account. And I started watching every single behind the b episode from every season and I was literally obsessed with the team. And then Donato got traded and i was heartbroken cuz I loved him and I was like Coyle is gunna have to wow me to get me to like him and he DID and i LOVE HIM. But then I decided to have a top five instead of a top three. And it was Tuukka, Krug, DeBrusk, Pasta, and Marchy. They were the players I noticed the most. And Marchy started LICKING people how could i not choose him😂 So then the playoffs come and we beat the leafs in game 7 AGAIN (and I literally missed the first two periods because I was at my confirmation) But I finally understood all the memes about the leafs and I finally understood hockey and hockey culture by this point. I knew the rules, the players, the memes, literally everything. And then we make it to the finals and get lil nas x singing old town road before game 1 and we get JD wearing that stupid hat😂 and the two people from The Office (one of them wanted the bruins to win and the other wanted the blues) and it was all just amazing for me. Then we lost and i was devastated. And we had to see pictures of CMac sobbing on the ice and JD sitting alone in his stall crying and all of them were so sad and after that journey we just went through i was fvcking crying too. We didn’t win, but that 2018-19 season is SO special for me.

The people on this roster (minus gemel smith and lee stempniak) are EXTREMELY special to me. They TAUGHT me hockey. They turned me on to an entirely new culture. I got to experience my first real bit of hockey. I got to experience EVERYTHING about hockey with them (besides the cup) in this ONE season of hockey. I saw the preseason games in china, the halloween visit to to the hospital, Chara bringing pies to the homeless, them buying toys for kids in the hospital at Christmas then visiting them, the new years game outside against the hawks, trade deadline crushing my heart, every round of the playoffs, players pushing through crazy injuries, loving players, despising other teams, all the memes, all the jokes, all the players. Everything. The 2018-19 season is SO incredibly special for me because it’s the first time I ever experienced real hockey and watched an entire season. The people on that roster mean so much to me because of that. Now take a look at the names on that roster. Rask. Krug. Miller. Kampfer. Frederic. They all helped me experience my first year of hockey. Freddy in his first freaking game, getting into a fight😂 Miller and Kampfer were BEASTS on the ice. Krug being a SPECTACULAR little defenseman, quarterbacking the pp and sticking up for himself and SLAMMING thomas. Tuukka Rask being the brick wall. There is no way that I could ever dislike the people on that roster unless the did something suuuuuper bad. I don’t know if you would call it hero worship or whatever, but those people on that roster are so fucking special to me. Even ones like JFK and Vaak and Colby that didn’t play that many games. They still made an impact for me as a hockey fan. THAT is the main reason why I will never stop liking and supporting tuuks, krugger, kampfs, millsy, or freddy. Everyone on that roster has a special place in my heart and I’m not going to let their political views change or tamper with the incredible experience they gave me during that 2018-19 season. I wont ever love another team as much as I loved that specific roster. And no one is going to change that for me. I dont care about their political views or whatever. For me, the experience and the feelings they gave me trump anything i may or may not disagree with. That roster is so special to me, I cant bring myself to dislike any of those people. I will always like those players, no matter how republican or democrat or whatever. Political views dont matter to me when it comes to those players.

Now besides all of that and the experience they gave me, I do believe that they’re still good people even tho they may be republican. I wanna start with Tuukka because it literally doesn’t make sense to me. Tuukka is not even AMERICAN. I dont think he cares that much about American politics since im pretty sure most his family lives in Finland. People got mad at him for wearing a Boston police hat. But I think those people are forgetting that Tuukka has been in boston for soooo long. There have probably been multiple occasions where the police had to help him or the team for some reason or another (they are technically famous after all). Tuukka wearing a hat that says Boston Police doesn’t make him a bad person. He was probably just showing support to the people that helped support HIM as well as his family and teammates. I follow Tuukka on insta and he literally NEVER posts anything political. Probably because NEVER actually posts ANYTHING at all lol. Tuukka had been my favorite from the start and theres almost nothing he could ever do that would make me dislike him.

As for the other 4, and any other players on the team that may be republican (honestly i bet most of them are because 1) most hockey players are and 2) a lot of the guys are christian/catholic and most christian/catholic people are republican as well) I choose to believe that political opinions dont make you a bad person. I like to believe that it depends on the circumstances for every individual. Now I’m not gay or black or anything. Im an 18 year old, straight white girl. So obviously i dont know what its really like for someone to hate or disagree with my race, sexuality, etc. I saw someone say (sorry I forget who it was) that they keep thinking “well what would that player say about me because im gay. What would they actually think about me. I cant support them.” And honestly that’s extremely valid. I never thought about it that way before. So if Kevan Miller for example was out here posting a bunch of homophobic stuff like “i hate gays” or “gays are all stupid” or anything like that, then yeah my opinions on him would probably change in some way. But I follow him on insta and i know the stuff he post about. I have NEVER seen him say anything like that. Ive never heard any bruin say anything like that. From what I’ve seen, they all seem like super nice, sweet, supportive people when they’re off the ice. (I think it’s also important to mention that I follow EVERYONE on the 2018-19 roster. I follow all of their instas. Most of them dont have twitter, but I follow all the ones that do. It’s part of the whole “that roster is incredibly special to me” thing). I choose to believe that following republicans or being one yourself doesn’t automatically make you a bad person, especially when you consider the different circumstances that every individual is under as humans. We all experience different things and that always plays a role in how you act or the opinions you have or the people you support. Someone’s political opinions have never stopped me from liking people. Ive clearly shown that I don’t mind republicans at all, but that doesn’t mean im going to dislike democrats either. Most of the actors/ singers that i like are democrats. And it just happens that most of the athletes i like are republicans. The political stuff doesn’t matter to me. I just dont want it being slapped in my face 24/7. I dont care if you’re a republican or democrat as long as you aren’t constantly talking to me about politics or social issues or trying to change my mind on stuff. Hopefully you can try to see my point of view on this and UNDERSTAND why I like them. Again, I’ve never told my hockey story to anyone so please don’t try and invalid my feelings about the season or the players.

Please, I beg, please don’t comment on this calling racist or something. Please dont try and change me mind. Please dont tell me i need to educate myself. I know WHY i like these players. I know where they stand politically and who they support. But these players are too special to ME for me to actually give a sht about if they like trump or not. Honestly tho, feel free to give your opinion (especially if you’re gay or black or anything) cuz i dont mind hearing other standpoints as long as you aren’t mean about it or try to change my mind. If i change my mind, which i probably wont, I want it to be on my own terms. Please remember that we ARE still a hockey family 💛🖤💛

(Also I’m NEVER talking about this again. If anyone ever asks or something like this comes up again im just gunna link/ reblog this post)

(Also, thank you to whoever made it this far and actually read all of that. ESPECIALLY if you’re someone that doesn’t agree with me. Its good to hear multiple standpoints on this stuff.)

Lips are Chapped and Faded

SOOOO I did it again, accidently deleted the text, WARNING FEELS AHEAD. Hope you enjoy this quick fic, can anyone name where the title came from?

The Master: Master List

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When he first saw her again she looked broken, she was hunched I’ve the bar with a glass of bourbon, not her usual drink. “Angel?” She sat up straight and looked up at him, her eyes red and puffy from crying. 

“Oh hey Damian,” She greets, throwing back her drink before wiping her mouth and eyes, smudging her mascara. 

“What’s the matter? Why’ve you been crying?” He asks, taking the glass from her hand. She stands, wobbling a bit. 

“Oh nothing just drunk crying. Have you ever done that before? Nah! You wouldn’t do that,” Marinette says, falling forward having tripped on her heels, luckily, he caught her before she could hit the ground. “Oh wow! You’re sooo strong! Have you been working out! You must be. I’m tired.”

“Then let’s get you home,” Damian says, unphased by her drunken chatter. 

“I love you ya know? I shoulda asked you out when I got the chance,” Marinette giggles, putting her head on his shoulder. They walk, in Marinette’s case, stumbling, to Damian’s car. He opens the passenger door, wraps his coat around her shoulders, and buckles her seat belt. He sighs and drives her to his apartment. 

When they get into his apartment, with some difficulties, he gives some food and water. “Here, or you're going to regret it in the morning.”

“Thankssss Birdie,” Marinette says, taking the cup. 

“Come on, I’ll help you get situated,” he says, helping her stumble down the hall. He sits her on his bed and takes off her heels before grabbing a shirt from his draw. “If you want to get changed here’s a shirt, and a pair of shorts that one of my sisters left over here sometime.” He hands them to her and she starts to lift the hem of her dress. He quickly turns around, giving her privacy and hiding his blush. 

“Damiii I’m all done, your turn!” Marinette says in a sing-song voice. 

“Angel, just lay down,” Damian sighs. 

“Why! I’m not tired!” Marinette says, crossing her arms. 

“You are and you’ll fall asleep when you lay down.”

“Will you lay with me?”

“Marinette, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Pleaaaase Birdie only until I fall asleep,” Marinette pleads. 

“Fine,” Damian huffs, laying down. She follows, slipping under the sheets beside him. Not too long after, she falls asleep. He gets up to get changed. He pulls on clean sweatpants and pulled off his shirt and was going to put on a different one, when small arms wrap around his chest. Feather light kisses dance across his back. 

“Dami you left me,” Marinette whispers, her breath making the butterflies flutter in his stomach. 

“I’m just changing, lay down, I'll be back in a second,” Damian said, his breathing a bit uneven. She let go of him and padded back to the bed as he finished pulling on his shirt. He evened out his breath before climbing back in bed he laid on his side, facing away from Marinette. They fell into a comfortable sleep. 

He woke up the sheets being thrown on him, followed by footsteps running down the hall. His bathroom door crashed open and puking followed. He got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. He held back her hair and rubbed small circles in her back as Marinette threw up everything. 

After she finished she leaned up against his tub and looked up at him. “Ibuprofen,” she panted. “Please.”

He nodded before rushing to the kitchen. He filled up a glass of water and grabbed her two tablets, before heading back to the bathroom. “Here ya go, feel any better?”

She took the pill and gulped down water. When she finished she said, “much.”

“You want breakfast?”

“Sure, pancakes?”

“I could manage, but after your done eating we have to talk about the message you sent me yesterday, you know considering I haven’t seen you in months,” Damian said, holding out a hand, she took it and he helped her stand up. They walk to the kitchen and Damian grabs out the ingredients as she sips more water from her spot at the island. 

“Could you remind me what the message said?” Marinette asked, putting her head on the cool countertop.

“I’ll play it,” Damian says, pulling out his phone. ‘Hiiiii Dami! I’m in Gotham for a month or so and I would love to spend it with you hanging out and doing stuff ya know?’ Her voice filled the apartment. 

“God, what the heck is the matter with me?” Marinette said, rubbing her face. 

“So it’s not true,” Damian asks, flipping a pancake, his disappointment hidden because his back was turned. 

“No! No I do, I just didn’t want to ask drunk, ya know?” Marinette said quickly. 

“Uhhh… yeah, here’s the first one,” Damian says, plopping a pancake on her plate. “Sure It’d be fun to hand out with you, just let me know what you wanna do ok?”

“Cool, this is a really good pancake, can I have another one?”

“Sure.”

A week later is when she called him. “Hey Damian, wanna meet up at out cafe for lunch?”

“That would be fine,” Damian answered, looking over some papers before checking the time, ten thirty. “Eleven-thirty?”

“Yep! I’ll meet you then,” Marinette responds cheerfully before hanging up. He sighs, running a hand through his previously styled hair. 

He decided he wasn’t going to get anymore work done before leaving so he just left early. Their cafe doubled as a boon store so he looked around a bit till he saw Marinette. She wasn’t looking good, her hair didn’t look as full and she looked pale. 

“Hey Angel, are you feeling alright?” Damian asks, pulling out the seat across from her. 

“Oh umm I’m fine I just don’t get a lot of sleep and I forgot to put in makeup,” Marinette quickly explained. Not wanting to upset her, he didn’t touch the excuse. 

Their lunch was lovely, they talked about what they would do the incoming week. Half way through they were interrupted by a call. 

“Sorry, this is really important I have to take it,” Marinette said, standing up quickly. Not too long after she rejoined Damian. “I’m sorry that was a client, they had to reschedule a meeting so I’m going to meet them. See you later!”

“Bye Angel,” Damian says, hugging her before she rushed off. As soon as she was out of sight he plopped in his chair and ran a hand through his hair. 

Over the next two weeks, they did a bunch of activities such as going to the arcade, walking in the park, Six Flags, dancing under the stars, and dinner among other things. The day before she was supposed to leave it was almost midnight when he got a call. 

“Hey Damian, I hope I didn’t wake you,” Marinette’s voice, which has progressively gotten worse, came through the phone. 

“No I was finishing up some things for a meeting next week,” Damian said. 

“Can we meet up for a star gaze?”

“Uhh sure I’ll pick you up?” He said, throwing on a sweatshirt. “I’ll see you in a bit, bye.” When he pulls up to her hotel, she gets in the car silently. She was wearing a sweatshirt as well and she looked awful. They get to the park and he lays out the blanket he pulled out of the trunk. 

“It’s hard to see them, but I like laying with you,” Marinette said, her head on his shoulder. “I should’ve dated you when I had the chance.” He sat ip and looked at her. 

“Marinette whatever it is, whatever it was we can work through it,” Damian says, looking down at the girl who’s a shell of who she used to be. “Why didn’t you before?”

“When you asked me I was heading back and you were ready to come with me. But I couldn’t do that to you, you love being Robin,” Marinette said, placing a hand on his cheek. 

“But I loved— love I don’t know you more,” Damian states. 

“Damian, you wouldn’t have been happy,” Marinette says, letting her hand fall to rest beside her. 

“What about now? I know you're not well but let me help you,” Damian says, pulling her up into a hug. 

“I love you Damian Wayne, but I can’t be with you,” Marinette cried into his shoulder. 

“Please let me help you, we can solve this together,” Damian says, rubbing her back. 

“We can’t solve this, no one can, but you made these last weeks amazing,” Marinette said. “Can I kiss you?” He didn’t respond, just leaned forward, it was a short kiss, but that spark everyone talks about, it was there and now it is too late. “Can you take me back to my hotel?”

“Of course,” Damian says, standing before helping her up. He picks up the blanket and they walk to the car together. The drive back was silent and when she got out she left an envelope that had his name on it. It also had instructions to not open it until tomorrow. He wanted to open it and disregard what it said but he couldn’t, it was what she wanted. He sighed put his head on the steering wheel for a couple of minutes to collect his thoughts and feelings before driving back to his apartment. 

It was midday when he got a call half expecting it to be Marinette he picked it up. “Hello this Gotham Hospital, is this Damian Wayne?” an unfamiliar voice came. 

“Hello, yes this is he, what’s the matter?” He responds, leaning back in his chair. 

“We have you as an emergency contact for Miss Dupain-Cheng,” he continued. 

Damian sat up quickly.  “What happened?” He asked, standing up and grabbing his coat. 

“She was brought in after collapsing, she’s on life supports and there’s enough time to come say goodbye,” the doctor says, as Damian is running down the hall before clicking the elevator button multiple times. 

“I’m in my way,” he says, curtly as the elevator descends. He runs his hand through his hair as he sticks a hand in his pocket, he feels a paper. He pulls it out and his breathing hitches, her letter. He tears it open. 

‘Hey Birdie,

I’m sorry that you had to find out this way, but I’m dying of cancer. I found out a couple of weeks ago and by the time the doctors found it, it was too far along to do anything but make my last weeks of living less painful. I decided to fly to Gotham to spend them with you, because even though I rejected you, I loved you more than I could ever express. Thank you for the lovely weeks. I really hope I got to tell you this in words but I love you and I would have loved to have a relationship with you. 

You deserve everything I can’t give you, love,

Marinette.’

The elevator opens on the first floor and there are tears rolling down his face. He gets odd looks but he doesn’t care. He needs to see his Angel. 

He rushes to the hospital, it’s a miracle he didn’t get pulled over for speeding. He ran to the entryway, giving his keys to the valet. “Marinette Dupain-Cheng please” Damian’s breathe out. 

“Down the hall on the right fourth door down,” she says nonchalantly. 

He rushes into the room and sees her there, truly a shell of who she used to be. IVs attached to her arms and breathing on a ventilator. 

He walks to the foot of her bed and falls to his knees. “Angel, why didn’t you tell me? I love you please stay, I can’t live you again.” He whispers pleas and promises of love to her, he hopes she can hear him. Not to long after he got there and started pleading with her to stay the deafening flat line rung throughout the room, leaving a now free Angel and a broken-hearted boy to pick up the pieces she left him with. 

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Hope you enjoyed!!

Permanent Tag:

@ash-amg @bee-wrecker @damianette-is-life @mjisntme @i-will-be-your-ace

Hey ya’ll! For some reason I ended up thinkin’ a lot about past experiences in school and figured I’d write about a couple of ‘em. Since it might get long-ish I’ll put it all down underneath the cut, but in the meantime, unless you don’t mind me sharing my personal thoughts and stories at random here, I might make a separate blog for this stuff. We’ll see! o3o At any rate, those school stories!

I dunno if ya’ll know about this since I rarely ever mention it but I went to SCAD for college (Graduated like a year ago). And as much as I absolutely loved the majority of my time there, there were a couple of instances I don’t look back on fondly. :/

Aight so this first story was my first year in SCAD, and I was in my very first animation class. I fuckin’ loved this class, it was so much fun, we had to learn the old-fashioned way animations were made with flip-techniques and light tables and what have you. It was overall a good time. I met some good people there too, but I usually sat in the back corner and ended up talking with a group of folks the majority of the class. Keep in mind, we were allowed to have conversations while we worked.

I’ll admit I can get pretty loud; my voice just naturally carries and can raise in volume more than what’s normal, I guess. But at some point the professor decided the back corner was being too rowdy and instead of addressing everyone in that corner, she would specifically single me out. The first time or so I understood ‘cuz maybe I was being too loud and forgot to watch my voice, but the next couple days continued like that even when I wasn’t really talking and focusing more on working. It eventually lead to me just not talking all-together or keeping my answers short and low to avoid being singled out, but even then it still happened.

It eventually led to one day, before class starts and I hadn’t even set my stuff down that my teacher pulled me aside and asked if I could move to sit closer to her to “try something out”. She said it was to make sure I wasn’t “getting a rise out of my peers” or some shit like that, but I didn’t understand why she thought I was the source of it, but I complied anyway. Infuriated me and was so embarrassing to basically be made to sit in an isolated corner, so much so I remember calling my mom during class break in my car to avoid anyone seeing me upset.

Well lo-and-behold, a few days go by with me sitting in that little space and speaking to basically no one until class was over, and the corner carries on as loud and as rowdy as it had been without me. Professor can’t single me out this time, I’m not over there, so she addresses the entire corner. Eventually I’m allowed to sit wherever I want when she realizes, ya know, it isn’t me making all the noise or “getting a rise out of people”, but even after that she never singled anyone else out, or pulled anyone else aside. Didn’t even attempt to talk to the other people in the corner, just kinda. Left it at that?

Ever since that specific incident I kept to myself during class for the most part, but she had started calling specifically on me after that to share my thoughts to the class on whatever we were doing. Always said “I wanna hear what you think, Ashante’.” at some point during discussions. I don’t know why though, she hadn’t done anything like that before; maybe her strange way of apologizing or something. She eventually stopped, thank god, but it had bothered me for a while after, even after I passed the class.

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Another story in college that was sorta-kinda of the same vein happened I think still my first year at SCAD. This time it was in a different class, like a semester after the previous story, and it was a computer graphics class. I wasn’t very fond of this class but the teacher seemed okay, if a little boring. 

Uhhhh but anyway. We had an animation assignment and the first step of it was for everyone to do a storyboard of what we wanted to animate. I loved this project, it was the only real enjoyable one of the class, so of course I finished my storyboard and all that good stuff. The entire class turns the assignment in and we have a critique, like not one person missed this assignment and we all went up and presented what we had and we discussed. Two facts I want ya’ll to keep in mind is 1. the assignment was required to be turned in digitally so we could present it via projector, and 2. the professor participated in the critique, so he saw that literally everyone in the class did the fucking assignment and turned it in ON TIME, I need to stress that.

So, a few days pass, we’re working on our animations, and our grades are up for us to see on the online board thing; can’t remember what it was called but you were able to check whenever you want to keep tabs on your grade. So, I sit down at my computer and check my grade before class starts. I had kept a consistent high-B in this class, so imagine my complete shock when that shit was at a fucking D. My grade dropped from being like a 89 to a 69 in one week, and the only assignment that was turned in that could have affected it at that point was the storyboard one. So I look at that grade. It’s a fucking 0. I got a 0 on it. There’s no explanation, just a blank 0 staring back at me and I’m deeply confused.

That’s when my friend next to me asks “hey uh, what’d you get for your storyboard??” I told her, and she tells me she got the exact same thing. The dude next to us overhead and was like “wait, you too??? My grade dropped so low, what gives?” We end up asking the entire class and EVERYONE. GOT. A. ZERO. On this assignment. Everyone. So, we’re flabbergasted and there’s almost visible question marks above our heads, then the professor waltz in. We’re all kinda clambering for an explanation but he’s like “hold on, I need to say a piece before we start class”. After he sits his shit down he goes on to say “how disappointed he was” at us for not turning in the previous assignment and talks about how he’s never experienced having to fail an entire class like that before over one assignment. And of course everyone’s like ????????? You were there?? We had a critique?? YOU WERE ABLE TO ACCESS THEM ON YOUR COMPUTER????

And then he basically says “well, computer’s are never wrong, and as far as I see no one turned it in, so I’m afraid everyone will have to get a 0. Do better next time.″

So, we’re furious, but there isn’t a lot we can do when he kinda refuses to hear us out and starts the class. So during break, I tell my friend that I’m gonna try and talk to the professor. A few others decide to join me and about 6 of us approach him about it. I distinctly remember my friend hiding behind me when we proposed the possibility that, ohhh I dunno, the drop-box system glitched or some shit. Keep in mind that DropBox, which was a shared stashing system the professors made students use to turn their work in, is notorious for losing files. Every other professor I’ve had up to that point has warned us about it, some even barely trusted it to the point of just recommending us turning our work in via email.

He, again, refuses to hear us out because he claims “the computer doesn’t spontaneously glitch like that” DESPITE EVERYTHING. We’re arguing for a little bit before he doesn’t wanna hear it anymore and we’re told to basically drop it, and the group disperses. I’m the last one to try my luck with it, and he says if you have such a problem with it, we can talk about it sometime this week during my office hours. So I tell him absolutely, i’m not about to take a zero when I know I turned that shit in.

The day comes and I get to his office, and it isn’t just him in the office but also the Dean of that specific department. It catches me off guard a little but still, I’m thinkin’ alright, well maybe if he won’t listen the department head will. But I barely get a chance to talk, because before I really say anything the professor basically goes “so I’ve had a discussion with our dean here, and we’re both in agreement with my decision, but in case it’ll help you feel better he wanted to tell you in person.”

And the dean proceeds to say, and I quote, “Computers are not living entities who decide to delete things or have tiny little evil viruses that magically wipe away data. They do not make mistakes like people do. If the computer says you didn’t turn your assignment in, then you didn’t, and I need you to let go of the idea that something went wrong here because it didn’t. Okay sweetie?”

It’s one of the few instances I distinctly remember being spoken down to like I was a fucking idiot. He had his head tilted down and his eyebrows raised and he was kinda standing over me like he was trying to talk down a child and I hated it. The professor was off to the side just kinda nodding his head and it felt really strange to be in the office at that point. I didn’t wanna be there anymore so, I said thank you for your time, and the head just kinda smirked at me and left. I think it kinda shook me cuz I remember trying not to shake too much. The professor pulled me aside before I could leave and was apologizing for getting his supervisor involved, and said he hoped it answered any issues I may have had about the assignment problem.

I told him it did, then said “If I won’t get help from either of you, I’ll just take it to the president of the school.”

He said something along the lines of “if it makes you feel better, then okay”, and I left feeling some type of way. I hated it.

Soooo I do, I send an email to the president explaining the situation about the whole class being failed on this specific assignment, we trying to reason with the professor, him not trying to do anything about it and how the dean was equally unhelpful, and I can’t remember exactly what I said in the email but it was basically me asking her what steps I should take in order to rectify the issue. She didn’t actually reply to me, but not even two days after I sent the email the professor pulls me aside and basically says that he “gave it more thought” and made a point to say that, while he still stood by what he said about computers not being capable of glitching the way it had, he’d “give the whole class the appropriate grades” we deserved since he finally acknowledges that we did have a critique he was fucking present for.

My overall grade jumped from a 69 to a 90-something after I was given my actual grade. Everyone else’s grades came back up too. I’m almost sure i’m the only one who pursued it since he seemed to be pulling only me aside, but it’s awful convenient he changed his tune right after I emailed the president of the school, so I think she must’ve talked to him and the Dean at the very least.

I really didn’t like that professor after that.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Sooooo yeah. A couple of stories from school that really stuck in my memory despite it being years ago. I have a couple more I might share, most of them silly and fun but a few not so fun, but we’ll see! Maybe after I start a journal blog for the sole purpose of reblogging stuff and talkin’ my thoughts. I dunno, though. o3o

BUT in the meantime, feel free to share your own college/school experiences! I’m always interested to hear about how ya’ll went about school. O:

That Krispy Cat: A Warning, part 3

The last of the images cause I don’t want this bitch on my computer anymore. 

Knowing tumblr I kept the images hidden JUUUUST in case no one reads the fine print and can’t tell I’m being critical of this and gets me in trouble.

VVV ((Just in case you thought the JewishGriffon piece assured everyone that Crispy couldn’t POSSIBLY hate people of color, some of her earliest Nazi art had her character Klaus beating up Amigo Bear. She also made Amigo into a liberal strawman. )) VVV

((Dialogue to one of her TROLLARIOUS pictures that featured Amigo:

Amigo Bear: *muttering* "Your leader was a !@#$% little #@%^!@$^*!, you fascist feather duster..." General Klaus: "Fräulein, Ich vant you to cover your ears und shut your eyes as tight as you can." Crispy: "How come, General?" General Klaus: "Klaus ist about to say und do very bad sings zhat he does not vant his little Edelweiß to see or hear." Crispy: "Alrighty!" General Klaus: "WHO SAID ZHAT ABOUT DER FÜHRER? WER DIE FICK GESAGT? WHO'S ZUH SCHLEIMIG LITTLE COMMUNIST-SCHEISS SCHWANZLUTSCHER DOWN ZHERE, WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH VARRANT? NIEMAND?! GOTTVERDAMMT STALIN SAID IT! HERVORRAGEND! VHICH VUN OF YOU VANTS TO BE ZUH FIRST TO FIND OUT ZUH HARD VAY VHY MEIN FEINDE CALLED MIR DER BUTCHER BIRD?" ))

^^^ ((BUTOPHERARTISGOODSOYOUCAN’TCOMPLAIN

also the disc. for this pic before it was deleted had a ‘joke’ about cooking Jews in ovens. Oh and yes, that IS Hitler she’s giving that ugly ass cupcake too.))

^^^ (( - Thanks dA I never would have known I had a notifications unless eclipse blah -

This is one of her rants about how #Triggered she is that Starlight be compared to the Nazis when she runs a communist cult. Because A) that’s the real problem here and B) I too get upset when people say my OC is based on Jeffrey Dahmer when he’s so CLEARLY based on Ed Gein, Bwwwaaaah D> D> D> !)) ^^^

VVV ((Ugly art of her friend’s awful OCs.)) ^^^

VVV ((Crispy showing off why no one wants to be a patriot in our country.)) VVV

((FYI, Crisp, that attitude will make the Hamilton fans stronger so just keep that SJW-flinging coming you little SJW.

WHAT?! Social Justice is a broad term and as Crispy’s plainly demonstrated, you can circle it around and make a majority-class sound like the real underprivledged if you have enough fancy frou frou know-how and furries. Also, if a Social Justice Warrior constitutes someone who takes their cause soooo seriously that they’re annoying/petting/cruel/stupid about it....idk I think Crispy qualified.))

^^^ ((Crispy and her friend muse about what other races occupy the world of MLP in her headcanon. This, more than any other dA disc. and picture shows you her brand of “Segregationist-Nationalism is OKAY” thinking, cuz the art of these different races isn’t super offensive or cruel and neither are the characters. BUT if you scratch under the surface you’ll find that Crispy really likes these different people staying in their place and not in “someone else’s” country.

THEN, this same kind of thinking is used to convince you any mix of cultures is just cultural appropriation, again acting like she and her Nazi-stans are the only ones standing up to actual bigotry.)) VVV

^^^ ((Crispy makes the world a worse place by bringing up actual decent points; like how Americans dress Thanksgiving up as progressive and for the natives when we all know that’s not true...all to better her worldview.

fyi, GET OUT whenever you see a selfproclaimed Nazi fawn over Native Americans, because: Nazi Germany had a deep fascination with American Indians and used their struggles about their land being taken away from them to justify their eugenic genocide.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy laughing it up on Furaffinity how she couldn’t be banned from her Furaffinity and then mysteriously never using her site there wowie.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy complaining about SOPA cause her freedom of speech and blahblahblah.

Freedom of Speech is important. Unfortunately what people like Crispy don’t understand or care for is there’s no freedom of consequence. )) vvv

VVV ((LOL Joseph Mengele was such a stinkah let’s tell blithe jokes about him. At least WE AREN’T LIKE HIM!!!)) VVVV

VVV ((Early onset eugenic BS from her Spyro stuff that would be easy to miss if you didn’t know what this woman was talking about)) VVV

((Crispy admitting she thinks gays are pointless cuz they don’t reproduce but apparently loves them anyway. Also big shock Crispy’s seen Hetalia.)) VVV

VVV ((Crispy probably wanting Weeaboos to attack her cuz aren’t Japan’s animations so laaaaaaazy?!!?!? GUUdd think’ I’m a naziaboo! Germany’s never made any shitty animation evah. You know what, I lied. She doesn’t deserve Hetalia. She just doesn’t.)) VVVV

VVV ((Crispy dragging Brazil down with her as the apparent “Best South American Country”. Yikes.)) VVV

VVV ((More “it’s trolling ergo it’s not harmful” shit. Bulgarians probably do deserve their own Care Bears, but they certainly don’t want yours Crispy.)) VVV

VVV ((Disc. for her Richard Spencer bear art)) VVV

------

I know, I know...this isn’t what you wanted to read today, guys. I know it’s offensive and I’m sorry if it made you ill. I also know I’m putting my own blog under fire by showing these images here but I think that should say something about dA’s bad policies that this art gets a filter slapped on it and nothing more when the artist is blatantly pro-fascist.

Crispy resonates with me so much - and no it’s not cause I DARED to be “triggered”.

It’s because, for one, she was talented. I MEAN I HAVE EYES! That’s some nicely drawn digital stuff I’m not gonna deny. She had some cool rewrites and sequel ideas that, had it come from someone else I would have eaten up and faved to hell and back onceupona2012. But I didn’t, where a ton of MLP and furry fans did because they undervalued their own talents and would say “well it’s pretty who cares about the message?” 

Unlike so many commercial+published artists, it’s REALLY hard to separate the art from the artist here because the artist is so connected and a part of her art and storytelling. If you fav her art, even if you didn’t like her, that was telling Crispy she’d won. It’s so defeating to have other artists say their gonna ignore their gut for the sake of prettypretty-Don-Bluth style art. And yes, that stigma DOES affect my view on 2D purists btw.

Crispy was so holier than thou’, and that attitude also was appealing to dA folks, not to mention her knowledge of art history by the time she dropped off the radar. Crispy was the kind of person who’d make long, detailed, justified rants against the design and color choices in Hazbin Hotel and then a bunch of antis would eat her redesigns up only to learn the awful truth later and embarrass themselves cuz they were so taken up by the craft they didn’t know they were reblogging a fucking Nazi.

Not to underplay Viv’s wrongdoings of course, but I’m sorry; the two aren’t comparable on the problematic artist meter. THAT’S HOW BAD CRISPY WAS.

If this somehow was just a faze and she’s come to her senses or doesn’t really think this shite she preaches...I don’t care. She said some vile shit and fuck no I’m not forgiving her. It’s like KenDraw or Shadman. You’ve changed your life around and realized you’ve done/drawn nasty shit that’s done real harm? Cool....I’m still not talking or ever promoting you, ya dingbat. You ain’t no Roman Polanski or Doug Tennaple. You’re a singular internet artist and any support of the project has to go to you - and you suck!

ThisCrispyKat was a wakeup call that showed me these people not only still exist but will be allowed to get away with it. I was very touchy bout this kind of thing back in the day. Fuck, I STILL AM TOUCHY. The rabbit holes I found thanks to Crispy opened up to reveal communities where people think my hair color’s going extinct. People would detail how much they wanted to rape me - a natural blonde - and kill my friends and family for not looking like me. That they want to jerk off in my naturally curly hair and see me in glowy German princess gowns preparing them dinner.

Crispy and other Nazistans would look at me; a blond-haired blue eyed Polish/German American woman and think I need to be “fixed” because I DARE to repeat propaganda that the Nazis were bad. They’d call me a traitor for thinking that celebrating the Nazi party ISN’T German pride.

HOW DARE YOU TELL ME THAT’S GERMAN PRIDE! I’LL SHOW YOU GERMAN PRIDE YOU EGOSTROKING-LIMPDICKED ATTENTION WHORES.

People like Crispy make it 1000x harder to actually show interest in German things. Because I AM interested in German shit btw.

Like for real: it’s a country I’d love to visit one day (at least the black forest, which is where my mom’s fam comes from). I love German art and German fairytales slap. I really do want to explore my heritage through art and stuff.

But guess what? Much as Crispy would argue to the contrary I DO know my WWII history and beyond and FUCK YOU if you honestly think jerking it to cuddly Nazi-furs is empowering or just “showing your interest in history”. Take your own advice and read a god-damn book.

TL;DR: I DO NOT have to be proud of Nazis to enjoy German culture and if you think otherwise, FUCK YOU. It’s a slap in the face to everyone even if you are ‘just trolling’ and it in no way values actual German’s feeling on the matter. It’s annoying how people undervalue real people just for the sake of fan art.

The Nazis were evil. They were racist, eugenic-genocidal idiots who killed over six million Jewish people, Romani, Slavs, Jehovahs Witnesses, disabled people, Poles, homosexuals and prisoners of war. They would have killed my dad’s side of the family if they were in Poland at the time. They made bullshit tanks that killed the people making them and didn’t work on the battlefield. Their leader was a fat, farting one-testicaled bastard who preferred animals to people.

They ruined everything for everyone and then took the easy way out, leaving the Germans that were left in the hands of the also-genocidal Soviets and Americans. Germany is still paying their war debts and now, 70-80 years later everyone else wants to laugh off this dark period of history with memes and forget what they did, and as such, are forgetting the victims of the genocide.

I have 0 tolerance for Nazi things for the sake of HUMANITY, let alone the individual groups they target. I don’t have to have German ancestry or know a single Jewish person to tell you any of this. It’s fucking history.

Eat shit.

ooo! how was playing? what do you think about the event? i’m really enjoying it actually... always nice getting new daily things to do hehe.

yeah i think everyone knows The Cover now. i still can’t believe they did that... not complaining tho... oh really? you’re absolutely right and judging by the way they’re taking the story it seems like those two will have a lot more growth to their relationship. who knows maybe we’ll even get a part where bakugou apologizes or even talks about their past etc. one can only wish. YEAH i’ve seen both the movies and i love them!! they’re super fun and such a nice break from everything that happens in the anime sjskjssk kiribaku in the first one was so gay i.... we get it boys y’all in love fhjsjdjfk (THE SIDEWAYS TODOBAKU SMILE... one of my favorite moments ever) i am all caught up now.. waiting for s5... :(

no clue!! it’s just my theory so it might be wrong. the blue one was cute too so was the pink one.... they’re all cute why do we have to pick just one :( HEY you do know how to draw 😡 pretty amazingly too! but i’d love to see that in your style chongyun is so precious.. <3

omg i gotta hustle hard for AR 35 then i already miss him. i’m at 26 now and god.. it’s getting more and more difficult i can’t imagine how it is at like 45... 😭

oooooh!!! honestly barbara healing is godsent if you don’t get him you should consider it (hopefully you do though!!) IVE SEEN VIDEOS OF OCEANID AND HE LOOKS SO SCARY CLUNA.... no thoughts head empty only boy scouts party. looking at others with amazing parties: ok but do you have boy scouts party?

i mostly have sword users! but like i mentioned i’m starting to fall in love with book users (and even bow users) shskfhdkd so i might consider investing in those some day idk they just shoot of attacks and it’s so sexy. no hands dirty. ningguang seems so op 😭 plus geo is so nice!! like an all around element.

HE’S TALL? he has a short person voice...

i’m making a twitter i wanna see some fluff 😭 wait really? even this fandom is shit? why 😭 i sometimes see yt comments and the thing i’m iffy about is how people talk about spending money on it etc but is there more?

i’ve never heard anyone do that that’s so interesting!!!! do you write it down in the same doc and then delete it or do you write it separately?

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS!!! i’ve had so many ideas come to me before bed and i always think that i’m gonna remember them but i never do it makes me so upset. especially if it’s an idea of how to continue a story i’m stuck with... god it’s the worse. writer things 🤪

“stan loona” aka bane of my existence. i don’t usually tell ppl i used to stan because of that reason sksksj. god that was the worst sheesh. anyway. yelling at ALL of these!!! ofc i know daddy issues slowed!!!!!!!!! it’s like one of the most popular slowed songs we’re all just a sad horny bunch loving sexy vibes huh. i listen to slowed songs a lot when i write actually it sets the mood. it doesn’t even have to be anything racy sometimes it’s just calms you down. do you listen to music while you write? also i don’t listen to any of those you mentioned except troye 😭 i’m sorry 😭 but if you’re have recs i’d love to hear them ofc!!

“after school” time that’s so cute. it reminds me of when you’re younger and you run back home and eat a snack and watch cartoon (i say that as both of us still watch cartoons... yee) speaking of crying; would you consider yourself a crybaby? (such a random question hskshdjdfhhd)

before i leave; let me blow your mind with a little something... https://twitter.com/primo_fates/status/1347780975078506496?s=21

hehe... mwah. ;)

it was good!! i tried to get some ominous masks and weathered arrows, but drop rates are always shit lolll. and i think the event is alright! i don’t love it but yeah as you said it’s fun to have something more to do every day.

ikr omg... it’s such a good cover LMAO. omg a bakugou apology 😩😩. what did you think of deku vs kacchan part 2?? i regularly rewatch clips of it and cry LMAOOO god bakugou.. “why did i become the reason for all might’s end?” heart broken wow. NICE!! yeah i remember everyone freaking out over the kiribaku scenes in the first one and honestly,,,, how else do you explain it LMAO. (AND THAT SIDEWAYS SMILE!!! holy shit i watched the movie like the day after i got into todobaku and that scene obliterated me.... absolutely destroyed!) aw nice! but yeah now it’s just the waiting game i guess lol welcome to the club 🤪

IKR??? i saw the “once you pick one the others are gone” and i was just nooooooooooo whyyyy. you can’t give us all these options then don’t actually give us an option 😭 AHAHA thank u but i always joke that i can only draw well like once every 10 tries so... yeahhh we shall see! i have this thing envisioned in my mind but i am unable to execute it fskhfkdsjfs

yeah omg when i reached 45 i was like “wow i’m gonna have to do the ascension quest soon” but it’s taking me so long to reach ar 46??? yikes how am i meant to get the experience with no quests fkhdsfkjsd

i use barbara a lot in the fire domains and with the pyro regisvine!! it’s kinda funny that i’m bringing a level 40 into a level 70+ fight LOL but yeah she’s good! AND YEAHHH OCEANID LEGIT GIVES ME NIGHTMARES I JUST. as soon as i had an actual team that could beat it i grinded it as much as i could before my world level went up and it became impossible again.... but since mine might go up again soon maybe i should grind some more... and maybe i’ll be able to level up both xingqiu and barbara lol. EXACTLY!! can they pls interact in game somehow omg.. we need a bennett story!! and more razor!!!! and chongyun too!! i forgot he hasn’t actually appeared in game hfsdkjfds. and ofc xingqiu <3

fdfjlsjfs are you gonna go from a no long range team to an only long range team ahahah. and you like geo??? omg no... i hate it bc it’s so like. inert FHKDJFSD. but i guess the shields are really nice!

HE’S 172 CM!!!!! he has a baby face too so it’s pretty wild fhskdjds

ooo wdym how they talk about spending money? i don’t really look at youtube comments tbh lol. and i haven’t really seen people talk about spending money much on twitter? tho some content creators i follow open commissions for money for the gacha fhsdfksj. if you do end up joining genshintwt i hope you have fun!! 

same doc and then i delete! but sometimes if the plan is really long i’ll make a new doc so i can see both at the same time (but recently i’ve just been opening the same doc again so i can see both that way lol). do your dotpoints go into the same doc as your writing one?

LMAOOO yeah i’m always like “hnghhh okay it’s fine.. i will Remember... trust myself” and then i never do and it’s just like welp goodbye to that amazing idea. but also bc it was thought up at such a weird time maybe it isn’t actually that good after all LOL

oh nice!! yeah slowed songs are soooo good. and i usually do listen to music! it’ll depend on what i’m writing bc i like the songs to have a similar vibe, but sometimes it’s too distracting so i put on lofi or something so there are no words ahaha. oh rippp LOL! hmm well badlands by halsey was my klance/voltron album writing soundtrack for a really long time.. i wrote a few fics with that in the background i think! melanie martinez’ k-12 album has a whole free movie to go with it! if you wanna check that out. bastille’s pompeii was really popular but i also really like flaws and of the night from them.. a lot of these are older bc i don’t listen to new stuff fhsdfkjds. and hmm pentatonix (they’re an acapella group!) do a lot of covers so maybe you can find one of a song you like and check them out that way? ahah that’s a lot feel free to not listen to any!! no stress at all lmao

oh fun fact melanie has a idk what to call it character? and song called ‘crybaby’! so very coincidental you asked. but yeah i think i am? LMAOOO like if i’m alone in my room watching something and it’s sad i Will Not hesitate to cry.. like sometimes you just gotta get it out you know? and sometimes maybe it’s a little boy singing a korean cover of colours of the wind but it’s so ethereal you just burst into tears but that’s fine! FHDSKJFHDSFKJS. how about you?

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD!! i legit. my jaw is dropped. i. oh my god 😭😭😭😭😭😭 FHSJFKHSKDJF1!!!! 😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is so atmospheric and cosy and warm 😭😭😭 i can go at peace now.. fhskfhdsjf

thank you always!! - c.r. xoxo

iwaizumi hajime needs more love soo a scenario with him please. Pronouns: she. He is classmates with this girl and she got a text from her friend that her current boyfriend cheated on her in class so she cried iwa saw somehow iwa and this girl fell in love and the cheating ex comes back for her again. Thank you so much if this make sense. I love your readings soooo much! Have a lovely dayy ^^

this is kinda self indulgent, and i changed the ending from the request a bit, i hope that’s okay!

this ended up becoming really personal - and i thought about not posting it, but writing it helped me feel better. putting my own experiences in my writing is, in my opinion, what makes my writing worth reading. real feelings can make writing better. so, please enjoy a (possibly too accurate) reenactment of what happened to me a month ago (except for the part where a beautiful boy saves me from heartbreak.) and remember, if you’re going through something similar, you deserve better. 

- 

It felt like the breath in your lungs was just forcibly removed. Like someone was sitting on your chest, blocking all airways. 

It felt like your boyfriend - or, ex-boyfriend, now - took your heart out of your chest with his own hands, showed it off to that girl he’d been seeing for so long, and then plunged a knife straight through it. 

It felt like a joke. It felt like it wasn’t real. 

The two of them cornered you, maybe without even realizing it. You had opened your social media to find you had two messages. 

One from him. And one from her. 

I can’t keep doing this. I have someone else who I’m serious about. You know it’s hard for me to be honest with you. 

Hi Y/N! I’m sure you know who I am by now based off of your ex’s message, but please, stop talking to him. We’ve been dating for six months now and I ask that you respect that.

...what?

Is this a joke?

Is this really happening?

You didn’t even know where you were anymore. But you got up and you ran out of class, you ran away from the people around you, you ran until you were alone. 

But you couldn’t run away from those messages. You shouldn’t have brought your phone with you - it’s not like you were okay enough to reply to the texts, anyway. 

You tried. Your fingers hovered over the screen but fuck, you were shaking. 

You didn’t know what to say. What were you supposed to say? 

You wanted to close your eyes and force yourself to wake up from this nightmare. You wanted to realize you were dreaming, so you could control things like in a lucid dream and have both of them say never mind.

Is this real? Is this real? 

“Y/N?”

You couldn’t catch your breath. You couldn’t see through the burning tears. You couldn’t think. 

I have someone else. 

Six months. 

Can’t keep doing this. 

“Is this real?” 

The man you had called your boyfriend for years was seeing someone else for months. And in the end, he made you out to be the bad guy. He scolded you for giving him a hard time. And immediately you regretted all the times you endured all of the fights and bad nights and bullshit. 

This was fucked. This was all so fucking fucked and you expected to look at the time and see 12 hours had passed. 

But it’d barely been a minute. 

“This can’t be real.” 

“Y/N, are you okay?” 

You sank to the floor on your knees, you covered your head with your arms, you carelessly let your phone fall to the ground.

You didn’t even want it anymore. You didn’t want to have to delete all those pictures of him, anyway. 

“No,” you cried. You were crying - you hadn’t even realized you were crying so hard. 

The guy knelt next to you. “What happened?” 

Iwaizumi. It was Iwa. The perfect boy who sat next to you in class. The one who you couldn’t take your eyes off of. The boy your boyfriend told you to stay away from. 

No, ex-boyfriend. 

You and Iwaizumi developed a casual friendship, anyway. And he was so nice - so much sweeter than the boy you forced yourself to be with. 

“I can’t I - I can’t.” 

You wanted to tell him what happened - you wanted to tell anyone what happened. You wanted to get your phone and show him the messages. You wanted to calm down and deal with this rationally. 

“I’ll stay until you’re okay, Y/N. You’re not alone.” 

You’re not alone. You’re not alone. It’s okay. You’re not alone. 

“Iwa?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Can I - please, I - can I hug you?” 

You couldn’t see it, but the boy’s eyes widened. And immediately he sat down, leaned against the wall, and pulled you into a tight hug. 

“He cheated on me.” 

“He’s a fucking idiot.” 

“I know.” 

- - -

You walked into class, tired eyes toting dark bags, and you dropped your books on your desk lazily. 

“You look like shit.” 

You snorted. “Thanks, Iwa.” 

“Were you up all night or something?” 

You sighed loudly. It perked Iwa’s ears. “Yeah.” Then, you turned to face him. “I’m dating an asshole.” 

He raised his brow, silently encouraging you to keep going. 

“We were fighting all night. He doesn’t seem to care when he makes me cry, or when I’m upset over something. God forbid I take a glance at another guy, though. Then it’s world war 3.” 

“He sounds like a dickhead. Why are you with him?” 

“I… love him, I guess. I dunno.” 

- - -

Why did he have to think about that now? 

So the pretty girl who sat next to him in class was dating an asshole. It was the cliche to beat all cliches. And yet, it still pissed Iwa off. Which made no sense to him. 

But he’d had dreams of having a beautiful girl to love and care for. Dreams of cherishing the woman destined to be his soulmate. In some of these dreams, your face is the one who plays the part of the soulmate. 

And in reality, those dreams don’t matter much. He’d had the same dream about the hot teacher he had in Year 1. But oh, how he longed for the days when he didn’t know you had a shitty boyfriend. When he could look at you without thinking of how much better you deserve. 

Now, that pretty girl from class was crying in his arms over her piece of shit ex. Another cliche. He’s sure he’s read this same plot in a manga, and now he was living it out. 

But it didn’t feel as nice as he thought it would. After all, the pretty girl has another guy on her mind. And she’s crying - how could he feel good with a girl crying on his shoulder? 

You were holding him tight. Your face was pressed into his neck. You were crying loudly.

And he was pissed. He wanted to find the guy who did this to you and teach him how he’s supposed to treat a girlfriend. He wanted to make him feel as awful as you felt. 

“It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.” 

Your arms tightened around his neck at his words, and he hoped that meant he helped a little bit. 

The two of you didn’t sit there for long. Ten minutes passed when you slowly pulled away from him. 

“You look like a mess.”

“Shut up, Iwa,” you said with a small laugh. 

Then, you grabbed your phone and showed him the messages. 

“Will you delete these for me?” 

He nodded. The messages pissed him off even more, but he deleted them for you. 

The rest of the day, he stayed by your side. You ate lunch together on the roof - Iwa ate, but you didn’t have an appetite. And he even walked you home, because he was that worried about you. 

Later on, he texted you. He asked you how you were doing. You didn’t know, so that’s what you said. And then he talked about how volleyball practice went. 

You were thankful to have someone to talk to. And you texted Iwaizumi all night; he made you laugh, he distracted you from everything, and it was easy. 

Talking to him was just so easy. You weren’t sure how long it’d been since you talked to someone with such ease. 

You figured you should tell him how thankful you were. It was only polite. 

thank you for everything. thank you for caring about me. youre so fun to talk to and i’m so glad you were there for me today. thank you so much, iwa. 

- - -

It didn’t take long for the two of you to get close - and it was so nice to have someone else to think about. For the month that followed, you spent every day at school with Iwa, and all night texting him. He even invited you to his home, which is where you were now, laying on his bed with him next to you. 

“That movie sucked. I’m picking the next one.” 

“You just have shitty taste in movies, Iwa.” 

He scoffed and you laughed at him. The man was grumpy today, for reasons you didn’t know, and he spent half of the movie laying on his side with his eyes closed - and he still hadn’t moved from that place. 

“Whatever.” 

You turned onto your side to look at him, waiting for him to open his eyes. 

“You can call me my first name, you know.” 

“Oh, my god, you are such a tsundere.” 

That caused his eyes to shoot open, “no, I’m not!” 

“I’m Iwa and I hate the movies you pick out but will you call me by my first name?” 

“Shut up - ugh, I shouldn’t have even said anything.” 

Even though he was grumpy, you had hardly stopped smiling since you’d been laying there next to him. 

“You’re such a grump today, Hajime, do you need to cuddle or something to make you feel better?” 

“Shut up.” 

He threw his arms around your waist anyway, and he pulled you into him. His heart was pounding - he was sure you heard it, but he didn’t care. All he wanted was to be close to you, to hear you say his name again, to hear your heart pounding as strongly as his. 

He held you tightly. He was nervous and scared but this felt so nice. 

“You’re cuddly.” 

“Like a bear?” 

You giggled, “yeah, just like a big warm bear.” 

You held him just as tight.  

- - -

Both of you lived for your movie nights. You agreed it’s what kept you going through the week. 

This time, it was Iwa’s turn to pick the movie. And of course he’d pick a scary movie, just so he could pull you close and be your protector - a direct quote from him. 

“This isn’t scary. I don’t think I need to be held.”

“Yes you do, shut up.” 

The movie couldn’t end quick enough, and when it did, you turned around to face the big spoon behind you. 

“You’re never picking the movie again.” 

He had trouble arguing his point, because he couldn’t deny that the movie absolutely sucked. “It’s because you rushed me to choose!” 

“You were taking 30 minutes!” 

“It would’ve been worth it,” he replied, rolling his eyes. 

His eyes were soft, though, and he was holding you gently. You’re sure you could lay there in his arms forever. 

“I… really like you, Hajime.” 

You weren’t sure why you said it - maybe it was to fill the silence. But you had a feeling he wouldn’t mind hearing it. 

Slowly, you moved closer to each other. 

“I really like you, Y/N.” 

It happened slowly - Iwa let you lead the way. And you pressed your lips to his and nothing was rushed or forced or uncomfortable. It was soft -  you put your hand on his cheek, and his hand rested on your waist. 

You pulled away only to kiss him again, gently and carefully. He pulled your body even closer to him, he took a deep breath through his nose, he was careful in his movements. 

Nothing could ruin that moment. You were the only people in the world - those four walls were your world. And you’d cherish this first kiss for a long time. 

You didn’t think you knew how to love someone else. You were with your ex for over three years, and he was your first everything. He was definitely your first love. 

And it feels like he had stolen that from you, along with a string of other firsts that you’d give anything to have back. You’d give anything to have a different body - one that hadn’t been touched by a man who promised passion but delivered a selfish touch with controlling hands. Hands that were only gentle in warning, that quickly became destructive and calloused. 

You wanted those three years back. And you wanted those firsts back. You wanted to give them to someone more deserving - you wanted Iwaizumi to have them, because you knew he’d be more careful with you. 

But the man in front of you showed you that loving someone else is possible. And it’s better than you ever thought it’d be. 

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

(4/9) Stray Kids as Apple Employees AU

okay, ik what you’re gonna say.

“wtf mari, why apple employees?”

honestly, i don’t have a good reason.

i literally came out of my shower and was like, “pffft, they’d make funny apple employees,” then this AU was born.

i might continue this, i might not. depends on my itty bitty brain when it comes up with content.

i also sort of wanna do a stray kids as baristas at starbucks but idk

anYWAYS let’s do it.

CHAN!

aaaaah our beloved leader is the technical support advisor who basically helps people with troubleshooting.

he’s the dude you contact when your stupid device isn’t doing what you want it to but you’re….calling from home.

he always has his headset on him. (fyi, it’s a headphone thingy with a mic attached to it.)

Like alWAYS

woojin asked him once why he literally wore it like his life depended on it.

probably because it did

his response was simple, “so i can take calls and help customers while making sure jeongin doesn’t burn the store down at the same time.”  （︶︿︶）

woojin didn’t ask any further questions bc he understood all too well.       ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°)

(don’t worry, i’ll explain later.)

chan was super good at his job lmao.

he effortlessly engaged with people, explaining step by step solutions with patience and had an approach tailored to each individual customer.

papa steve jobs would be v proud indeed

he had difficult responsibilities too bro

imagine getting yelled at for a whole day by people you didn’t even know, because they were angry at a device you didn’t even mAKE-

when they say, ‘patience is a virtue,’ they rlly mean:

pATIENCE

IS

A FUCKIN

VIRTUE

ლ(ಠ益ಠ)ლ bc most people would probably grow annoyed after the other person in the phone line keep shouting & blaming.

but not chan. no. no.

he’d be tolerant with the customer, and continue to provide the best customer service possible. ╮(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)╭

… i mean… unless the person was getting too aggressive for his liking, then he’d just remove the headpiece, scroll through the company website, and wait till the person has cooled down before proceeding to help them with a positive attitude. (꒪ཀ꒪)

Hyunjin

his job title is literally, ‘Genius,’

i kid you not. i looked this shit up.

jeongin thought it was a legit at first

like they all joined the company at different times but jeongin was the last to hop on the apple train.

hyunjin’s name on the schedule board would be beside the word, ‘genius,’ and for like… two whole months, jeongin thought hyunjin was the mastermind behind the whole apple operation

i cannot tell you how many times hyunjin was approached by jeongin with a problem that he didn’t have the knowledge to help with

luckily, seungmin was feeling nice and explained that, ‘genius,’ was just the name of hyunjin’s job.

why?

seungmin didn’t know either

okay  baCK TO HYUNJIN!! his job is to quickly diagnose product issues on the spot, explain what’s wrong with the device to the customer. after determining whether repairs can be done or a replacement is needed, he’d offer solutions to help get users up and running again.

now don’t get me wrong, hyunjin loved his job bc he liked helping people and fixing devices bUT!!!!

after working in the same store for almost a year, these group of girls would literally be there every w e e k e n d to get “help,” from him.

he was flattered and all about the female audience but it was getting stale.

some girls would breAK their devices on purpose just to have an excuse to talk to him.

the convo’s they’d try to initiate wasn’t even about the faulty device anymore.

this rlly bothered him bc it took his time away from helping ACTUAL customers.

eventually, chan banned them from coming in to disrupt the peace of the store and to protect hyunjin from their beady eyes and weirdness.

jeongin mostly came to hyunjin for help with something (bc he knew the older dude wouldn’t tell chan)

& these two doods would try to fix the problem together!! hopefully before chan finds out about the problem bc

oof

then mr. advisor would be streSSED AF and

they’d get a scolding from mother!woojin

Jeongin

our bby boy is the technical specialist who helps people get started with using their devices.

gets excited with you when you get your new phone or computer.

knows all the tips and tricks on getting the most out of your device

is especially patient with the elderly and first-time users.

he knows!! that technology is difficult to understand and work around when you’re barely starting out so he’ll take as long as necessary to help someone understand how the phone or laptop works.

but...

y’all…

don’t let this boi anywhere a fire hazard area

i mean, he doesn’t mean to start fires

they just...happen???

like, they have this small employee mini kitchen in the upstairs breakroom (literally the whole 2nd floor could be a one bedroom apartment)

and of course when there’s a kitchen, there has to be SNACKS!!!

and jeongin was hungry during his shift.

so he goes up during the non-busy hours of the day to get himself some fud

(✿◠‿◠) a growing boi needs his nutrients!!

chan had left briefly for a coffee run, woojin was downstairs trying to fix a malfunctioning monitor. the other boys were either sick, out for lunch, or hadn’t clocked in yet.

jeongin put in a bag of popcorn in the microwave, and checked the box for instructions

it said, “for 5,000 watt microwave = 2 min. for 500 watt microwave = 4 min.”

he checked the microwave and it was 1,000 watt :-)

uhhh he didn’t really know at what time to put it in as so…

he typed in 3 min.

he didn’t mind having some burnt popcorn bc hey!! he just wanted to eat something.

he took a seat in front of felix’s computers and started scrolling through the security tapes in hopes of finding one funny footage of a customer.

:-) it started smelling like smoke for some odd reason.

mmm yep that was the smell of smoke for sure.

wonder where that’s coming from?

he thought.

he turned around to look for the source, and

HOLY SHIT THE MICROWAVE WAS ON FIRE

the panic in his body went from 0% to 100% real quick.

jeongin couldn’t just turn off the damned heating machine bc it was in flames, but he just couldn’t let it continue to get bigger and bigger.

he grabbed the pitcher of lemonade at the table and yEET that juice all over the microwave.

it did like minimal help.

he could hear chan entering the store, calling for woojin to help him bring the cups upstairs to the break room

oh no

he was in the break room.

he grabbed a wash cloth from the sink and began smACKIN at the flames

cue the parents walking in.

chan: (.•̵̑⌓•̵̑)

woojin: ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

without wasting another second, woojin yanked jeongin away from the fire bc it was starting to get really big and he could have gotten hurt ( ˘︹˘)

while chan got the fire extinguisher from beside the fridge

was that always there? jeongin asked himself

and chan used it to stop the fire.

poor bby jeongin got a massive scolding from both parents and told him to be more cautious next time.

then they all cleaned up the mess before the rush of people came in the shop!!

the next day, the other boys walked in to woojin spraying the SHIT outta this air freshener all over the break room bc it reaked of burnt popcorn & metal.

windows were all open to the smell out and the beloved microwave was nowhere to be seen.

chan was sipping on his morning cup of coffee when minho asked what happened.

“jeongin nearly burned the store down so there’s no more microwave.”

“oh. okay.”

Felix

ahhh okay so his job isn’t anything tech related really, except for when he watches people through his cams

he was the security guard of the store uwu

he has so far prevented 7 fights from happening and 6 of those 7 were between minho and seungmin lmao.

he was the perfect man for this job bc on the outside, his face is like:  (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

but when he’s upset or angry, mr. security guard mode is activated  (ง’̀-‘́)ง so he has to remove people from the premises.

he uses his SCARY voice when dealing with overly aggressive people and it usually does the trick when he asks them to leave

but when lil kids are just so excited and curious about the devices, he uses his soft uwu voice to converse with them about their day or what they’re doing in school

overall the cutest & dependable guard ever!!! 11/10

once changbin kept trying to fiddle with felix’s computer and he was like, “bro.. you’ve been trying to guess my password for like 2 hours. it’s not yngbok01.”

and changbin was soooo frustrated with this and he looked at felix like   (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻ “PLS JUST SIGN IN!!”

a smirk was on the guard’s face as he asked why he should.

changbin looked defeated and finally said, “i was locking up the store last thursday and was doing my own version of karaoke and i… tripped on the cords, and my jeans ripped open as i fell. If that blackmailer minho gets his hands on that footage, i’m dONE FOR—”

felix nearly toppled over from laughing so much as he watched the clip of what happened while changbin was visibly on edge, looking for any sign that minho was in the room

he still deleted the clip tho bc he’s a good friend  

( 。・_・。)人(。・_・。 )

Survey #238

“crimson calligraphy written on the trees, creature from the grave, headless and hellbent for me.”

Have you ever played golf? Like, mini-golf. Is there a lake near your house? No, but there's two small ponds down the road. Have you ever made your own pizza or pasta dough? No. Have you ever watched an entire season of a tv show in one day? Uhhhhh how long are the first few seasons of Supernatural? Because Jason and I fucking binged it, and I honestly think that's partially the reason I don't even enjoy TV anymore. Like I liked the show, but jfc it became torture at some point. Not his fault at all, I just never pointed it out. BUT ANYWAY, it's definitely possible we did. What did you have for dinner tonight (or last night)? A ham and cheese hot pocket. Do your parents do things that ‘embarrass’ you? This is so mean, but my mom makes the cringiest jokes and such imo that gives me mad secondhand embarrassment. Do you like any Bon Jovi songs? Yeah, a decent handful. Who was the last person you were in a car with? Mom. Do you give people second chances? Ha, more than "second." How’re things between you and your most recent ex? We're totally great. Really as if we didn't even break up, considering I mean... nothing emotionally has changed. We just know that being together right now isn't the wise decision. It's frustrating as hell, though. We've already established we're not going to "wait" for each other, but neither of us are actively looking for a new partner, either. I want her, and from what I can tell, she wants me, too. We kinda just... don't talk about how unfair it all is anymore because we both get too upset. I was even supposed to go up there with her and her fam for her birthday and Christmas, but that's changed because she and I agree it's too soon after splitting, making it only more difficult to be around each other. We'd want to cuddle and kiss and such by instinct, so we're trying to wait until the wound isn't as fresh. Though honestly, I don't know how visiting period would go consider as said, there has been zero change in romantic attraction. Ugh yeah I just hope she figures out what she wants and all and we can get back together. Have you been to a wedding this year? No. I'm going to my half-sister's next year, though. Are you an aunt or uncle? Yes, and another niece is on her way. :') Do you expect to be married in the next two years? Probably not. What season is your birthday in? Winter. Have you ever been hunting? Fuck that shit. How often do you walk around barefoot? Always in my own house + in other houses if I'm allowed to take my shoes off. When you eat take-out, do you just eat it out of the containers provided? Usually, but it does depend on what food it is. Ex., those little boxes that have rice in them from Chinese places? I'm using a bowl. From the container is just messy. Would you need to sleep with someone before considering marrying them? Nah. Do you carry condoms? No. Would you date someone who has a hearing aid? ... Yes...? "No" is just... so rude?? Like that is something the person absolutely cannot help, nor is it a HUGE thing. It's just a hearing aid, dude. How organized are the files on your computer? Pretty decent. Folders and such. Could be better still, probably. Have you ever been to a strip club? Nah, not my scene. Have you ever brought home a stray animal? Pleeeeenty of cats. Are you physically strong? No, especially not my legs. I've got a newborn fawn's legs, jc. Still working on building the muscle back up. Would you date someone with braces? Oh my god, fuck off. Yes I would. I was the person with braces dating someone without them, so 1.) I obviously can't say shit, 2.) they're taking care of their goddamn teeth, and 3.) I dunno, wearing braces has no goddamn impact on personality???????????? Does scuba diving interest you? Not to an incredible degree, but it'd be cool. Would you ever ask your parents for relationship advice? Maybe for certain topics. Do you think people look up to you? Y'know that "oh no hunty WHAT is u doin" meme??? That's me if someone does. How often do you have trouble sleeping at night? *blinking* There are people who don't??????? Do you blush easily? Ohhhhhh yes. Do you get angry at yourself or at others more often? Hm. Not sure. Can you name five current world leaders? AHAHA nope. How many times have you had the flu? Zero. Do you think imagination is valuable? Oh hell yes. We would be NOWHERE CLOSE to where we are as animals without it. Who or what are you most impatient with? I don't know. When was the last time you mowed a lawn? Never. Have you seen all of the Star Wars films? No; seen only the first three with a friend and saw zero appeal. He didn't either. How about all of the Harry Potter ones, so far? I haven't even seen one. Jason and I started the first one together but. Paid way more attention to each other than the movie lmfao. What part of the newspaper do you typically enjoy reading? None. I collect my school's papers now though 'cuz I'm the photographer for it. :') Have you ever made a website, even a simple one? Four that I remember. The ancient and now-defunct ones were back when I think this site called Wetpaint was a host for simple sites, and a lot of us RPers posted our mob info and stuff there. I had one for Talons, one for Connrads. Ha, out of curiosity, I think I looked for them not all too long ago since I never actually deleted them, but I think the site itself was re-purposed. NOW, I have a Wix site for my photography, and then Kalahari Manor is a ProBoards-hosted site. Which was better: your childhood or your teen years? Jfc, childhood. Teen years were a chaotic and rancid cesspit in terms of mental health. What was your reaction to your first time falling in love? I truly imagine that realizing I was *in love* with Jason surpassed what a high probably feels like lmao. What does it take for someone to win your heart? I'm actually putting thought into this one and I think what appeals to me in a person most is just being friendly with a good sense of humor and obvious, shameless concern for others. AND JFC, HAVE EMOTION. Don't be a brick wall with me. Lacking an emotional side, positive or negative, is such a turn-off to me. I'm not attracted to robots. Being a gentle person is important, and for me personally, you need to actually act like you're into me. Not just between us. Do not make me a secret. AND BE CREATIVE AND WEIRD AND FRESH!!!!!!!!!!! There's nothing wrong with more "vanilla" people, but just for me myself, I need someone who stands out for some good reason. lol okay this answer's actually getting kinda long, I'll stop. There's a number of ways. What is one thing you would rather be doing? Ha ha yo real talk, Sara and I are getting all emotional and deep into our relationship, platonic or romantic, and I want me and her in her bed right now tearing each other up alsdkjfla;kwejre I love her a lot ok. When was the last time you changed your mind about something? OKAY SO I started a new birth control, right? It. Sent. Me. BACK. With my PTSD. How? Idfk, but I was suddenly obsessing over Him again, badly. I stopped that shit, and wha'd'ya know, two days later, I'm like "lol wtf I don't want him why did that just happen hunty was u ok????????". SO YEAH, that was a trip. Do you know anyone with a lisp? I'm not sure. Possibly. How much weight can you lift at once? No clue. Not a lot. Do you ask guys out, or wait for them to ask you out? I've never asked a guy out, but I wouldn't say I wouldn't. Do you like the last person who showed interest in you? I love her. Describe the last person you stared at? I have no idea. Do you like dating one person at a time, or multiple people? I'm personally monogamous. Have your experiences made you more or less sympathetic to others? MORE. Do you find smoking unattractive? I do. Have your parents ever searched your personal belongings? Mom has. Where did you get your last bruise from? ... Well. This is uh. Awkward. Tying into when I was on that medicine that made my libido fucking uncontrollable (thank the fucking lord I'm back to normal), my breasts are lookin rough, sister. Are you looking forward to anything? Nothing in the VERY near future, I think. A bit further off, Christmas. I can't wait to see the kids so excited again, and for once, we come together as a true family. Plus my #1 wish is to have my Mark tattoo improved at an amazing parlor, and I'm pretty sure that'll be happening, just obvs. not on Christmas Day itself. I'll just be fuckin STOKED when I *know* it's happening. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yes. How much money did you spend today? $1.25 for something from the vending machine. I didn't have breakfast, so I was really hungry. When you’re bored in class, what do you usually do? Try to not doze off. If we're not doing anything, then I'll play around with my phone. Have you ever had a song stuck in your head for more than a day? Oh, definitely. Ever walked into the guy’s bathroom? HA as a stupid elementary school with her friends, we sure did during a work day (my mom used to work with special ed kids at school). We thought we were soooo rebellious. How many wives or husbands do you want? One. What happens if you fall in love with your best friend? Ha, did. I still am, and we hope to be back together someday. Has a teacher ever flirted with you? Not that I know of. Thankfully. Is it okay for friends to kiss each other, as friends? It's not my thing, but sure, if it's consenting and both are aware it's platonic. Do your wishes ever get granted in the worst way possible? Probably in some way at some point I don't recall. How do you feel about your naked body? NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO Have you ever been called obnoxious? I don't think so, anyway. Do you wish you had a bigger family? No. Which friend would you kiss full on the mouth, no questions asked? Sara. Can you do a split or stick your foot up next to your ear? Nope. When was the last time you complained about something? I was venting some mild frustration to Sara earlier tonight. What is your favorite color combination? Favorite is probably pastel orange and light blue. Love it. Then there's pastel pink and purple. Okay pretty much any combination is about the pastels When was the last time you spoke in front of a group? A month or so back when I had to do my Lifeline presentation in FYS. Do you like group projects, or do you prefer to work alone? I strongly prefer working alone. There's no disagreements, compromises, incompetent partners, etc. Have you ever been told you were going to Hell? Yup! (: Indirectly, but. How did you respond? I don't recall, but I wish I did. Who is the most argumentative person you know? She's not in my life anymore partially BECAUSE of that shit. Do you know anyone who is crazy about proper grammar? Yes, but she has OCD as a valid reason. I'm pretty particular about it too to a degree. Who was the last person to make you feel special? Oh my gosh, my therapist told me she was so proud of me and the progress I was making that I just entirely lit up and became a total beaming ball of giggles and "thank you"s. Would you feel funny if you kissed somebody of the same sex? No, I'm bi. If your best friend grabs your hand, what do you automatically do? Squeeze it. What’s something you can cook or bake like a pro? Cheesy and spicy scrambled eggs, man. Also known as the only thing I can properly cook lmao. Do you tend to flirt a lot, even when the person isn’t single? Fuck no, if they're not single. I'll flirt with my s/o when I see it appropriate or relevant, and in a case where we're both single, I'd be very subtle about it because shy. What’s something that you think is really cute? Off the very top of my head, the Ewoks from Star Wars, oh my fucking god. They were the only thing I enjoyed in the movies. What’s a pretty bird? I mean... pretty much all of them. BUT, can we take a moment to appreciate the bearded vulture? like???? they're fucking BADASS???????????? Besides sleeping, what do you do in bed? Almost... everything. It's the reason I endured/am still recovering from muscle atrophy in my legs. Have you ever hacked into somebody’s account? Playfully, back when that was a thing for friends to do and post lovey-dovey stuff about them everywhere. Megan and I, and I believe Mini and I as well, did it to each other. Possibly more. Is having to pee really badly worse than being really thirsty? Oh hell yes it is. The former can get to a point of hurting. Have you ever touched a Qu'ran? No. Do you love animals more than most? Oh definitely. Why do you eat fast food? It's easy to grab when on the run, and Mom has almost zero time to cook. Then we both have school. Most often I just warm things up in the microwave or grab something substantial enough in the fridge. Is there always going to be that one person you and a friend makes fun of? I guess you could say indirectly, yes. Just something she said in a certain way became an inside joke. Her as a person, no, I wouldn't do that. What is a bad habit of yours that you’re actually trying to fix? Having terrible eye contact. I have a very hard time maintaining it, but I've been trying to keep that weakness in mind when talking to people. Do you write out your feelings? That's one reason why I take these surveys, yes. Do you have bills to pay yet? It's embarrassing that I don't. Not saying like, I want to pay bills, what madman would, but I do want to feel more like a proper, independent adult. Will you be changing your hair any time soon? Not the style, but one thing I'm asking for Christmas is a professional to dye my hair silver. I say pro because my hair does NOT hold color, and because of the bleach needed, Mom's concerned I'll damage my hair if I put my trust into anyone less qualified. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? I don't think so, but she looks UNCANNILY like her firstborn daughter. It is SCARY. Is there something you wish you could learn to do? There's loads of stuff. Probably above all, cook. Or stop procrastinating. If you could be amazing at ONE thing, what would it be? Drawing precisely what I see in my head. Because of how important they are to me, I would pay BIG FUCKING BUCKS to get how my 'kats look onto paper. What do you wish people would pay you to do? Complain about my weight. :^) I'd be able to just pay for surgery to fix that within a day. Do you take good pictures? I personally think I do. I mean I wanna be a professional photographer. How would one go about impressing you? It depends on the subject and difficulty of whatever. What probably impresses me most would be someone maintaining a mature, peaceful attitude when there is reason to act otherwise. Self-control, that's it. Do you automatically apologize if you walk into somebody? Duh? Tell me a memory of this summer: It was fucking scorching and I hated every minute of it. What’s something that you don’t need, but really want? Hmmmm. OH, HELL YES. IF I had the proper body to even remotely pull them off, I. Would wear. NOTHING. But corsets. Jesus FUCKING Christ they are so hot. What do you draw more than anything else? Just about all I draw is meerkats. What’s the most favorite class you’ve ever had? The Digital Photography course I took in high school. Or Art Honors my junior year. I really enjoyed the stuff I made. For each person you’ve kissed, describe your feelings in one word: Jason: melancholy; Tyler: dramatic; Girt(?): loyal; Sara: ideal. How do you react when you trip or stumble? Gasp and carry on. If it was a more serious trip, I look around at who saw. Are you good at “biting your tongue”? NO. Why do you love the one you do? She's been there for me without fail, has undying faith in me, supports me through everything, is honest, she's funny and very unique, her adoration for animals shows a great level of compassion, she trusts me so much despite her history, she stands extremely firmly for what she sees as right and wrong... okay I can honestly write an essay on why I love her. Would you rather get [another] tattoo or piercing? GIMME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 THE TATTOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111 Do you have long or short legs? I'd say they're normal, idk. When do you listen to Nickelback? *shrugs* When I wanna? Would you rather make the first move, or your crush? Them. I'm shy.

A Different Tomorrow: Pt. 3

Hwang Minhyun x OC

g: angst, slice of life

summary: being someone who only went home twice a month as a teen until your early 20s, you never fully believed in a second chance at life, nor did you even believe in love. once you meet a young man near the park, your whole life could possibly turn into 180

w!: prostitution (only mentioned, not shown/written in action), profanity, mildly suggestive

A/n: again i am sosososo sorry this took so long. i rewrote this three times already and i wasn’t satisfied with the first two drafts, and once i was satisfied with the third my pc broke down and deleted over 10 of the others stories i had already premade so i am trying my best to get to a lot of others up within the next days ;; for those who haven’t read this yet, i suggest reading part 1 and part 2 first before continuing with this one. will make sure to get back on track very soon! <3

You slowly opened your eyes, having enjoyed your sleep as you sat up and noticed Minhyun wasn’t around anymore. You got off the bed slowly, walking towards the kitchen to see a bowl. You opened the rice cooker and saw that there was a new batch of rice made by Minhyun earlier, untouched. You smiled as you saw the note on the refrigerator, grabbing it as you read it

“Made rice because I finished the extra from yesterday, sorry. Just reheat the food if you want, but use a plate and the microwave. Be back at 10. Don’t forget to clean up and get ready!”

You chuckled as you looked at the clock, mortified as it was already almost past 9am, and you hurriedly grabbed the bowl and a plate to get some rice to eat breakfast. You remembered that you both were planning on going shopping, mostly just for him since you already bought so much stuff. You hurriedly ate on the dining table, noticing you made a bit of a mess, but you were really in a rush since it was already 9:30. You put all the plates on the sink right after and grabbed a towel to get to the bathroom, hurriedly taking a shower before it turns 10

“Why am I so slow” you complained, rushing while washing your hair

Minhyun arrived just exactly a few minutes after 10, looking around to see if you were already ready

“Y/n?” he called out

“Hold on!” you replied as you walked out of the bathroom already ready, wearing something more decent compared to your almost worn out outfit from the first day. You sat on the sofa and grabbed a small bag on the side and brought out a lipstick you bought, using your phone as a mirror while applying it

Minhyun couldn’t help but smile as he looked at you while he was by the sink washing his hands, checking if you had cleaned up the plates you had used that were put to the side. He nodded in approval as he noticed you did, and walked over to you, still finishing up your makeup

“Red looks good on you.” he commented as he walked over, making you feel heat from your cheeks

“T-thanks… but I think it’s too much.” you pressed your lips together in hesitance

“No, really. Red seems like a timeless color. Everyone looks good wearing it.” he nodded as he sat next to you

“So do you want to wear red lipstick, then?” you looked at him in curiosity, making him chuckle

“Thanks, but I don’t want to.” he shook his head

“Where were you, anyway?” you asked as you raised a brow

“I had to get my paycheck at work since I forgot to get it yesterday.” he smiled as he looked at his phone, making you suddenly feel guilty again for selling his keyboard

“A-are you thinking about getting a new keyboard?” you asked, almost becoming hesitant

“Nah, maybe next time. I’m not in a rush to get a new one.” he shrugged

“I swear, I’ll find a part time job to pay you back.” you clasped your hands together, pleading

“Y/n, it’s fine. I’ll wait downstairs, okay? I have to check the mail. Just bring the key since we’re both heading out.” he smiled as he pat your shoulder and walked out of the apartment, leaving you in the apartment again, sighing as you knew you really messed up

-

Minhyun was able to find good deals on some new clothes while you both were walking around the streets of Myeongdong, often trying to find clothes for you as well. But you politely declined, telling him over and over that you are fine with the clothes you bought for yourself yesterday and didn’t want to be a burden for him to spend more money on

“Here, try this pink sweater.” he said as he eyed it and tried to examine if it would fit you

“No, please. I’m good with the other sweaters I bought.” you waved your hand in decline

“Are you sure?” he chuckled

“Yes.” you beamed

He ended up buying only a few clothes here and there and you looked at him as he brought only two bags with a few clothing pieces, wondering if he did it on purpose or if he was just picky for his own clothing

“Are you on a budget or something?” you snickered while looking at the bags he brought

“I don’t think there are a lot of good clothes out at the moment. Or maybe I was too late on finding ones I like?” he smiled while looking at you

“What are you talking about? There’s tons lot of clothes here that would look really good on you!” you put your hands on your hips and stopped walking, making him turn to look at you with a smile still plastered on his face

“Soooo are you saying I would look good in basically anything?” he grinned

“W-well yeah? I mean-“

“So is that a refined version of you saying I am good looking?” he crossed his arms and smirked, and you opened your mouth in shock

“You… you’re just…” you couldn’t complete your sentence, and he laughed a bit while he thought you were cute while stuttering

“Fine! You’re handsome!” you raised your hands and walked away as he kept looking at you while laughing, shaking his head a bit and following you shortly

-

Minhyun looked at you chomping down on the bibimbap you ordered, which was bigger than you expected. You were already hungry from all the walking and you definitely needed something that had a bigger serving than how much you usually ate. Minhyun, on the other hand, couldn’t help but grin and chuckle to himself often times when he glanced at you, wondering why you became so hungry all of the sudden

“You don’t eat this much at home.” Minhyun said while taking a pause from eating

“I got really hungry from following you around.” you said while chewing on your food, not even looking at Minhyun

“If you want more we can order some others.” he chuckled as he started going back to eating

“Minhyun I don’t want to be a burden to you when it comes to money so it’s fine.” you smiled and waved off

“You’re not a burden to me.” he opposed

“But I feel like I am and it makes me even more guilty because of the fact I sold a precious belonging of yours without your consent.” you stopped eating, raising your head to look at Minhyun. He could only look at you back blankly, but he eventually burst into a soft chuckle and reached out his hand to wipe off a grain of rice from the side of your lip, then pulled back his hand as he rested his elbows on the table

“I won’t bother you with anything money related, then. I don’t want to make you even more upset.” he let out a sigh, smiling as he continued to eat

You looked at him, both mixed with a bit of fault and confusion because you couldn’t understand why he treated you like this. You felt like nothing but a nuisance to his already organized life and you didn’t want to end up being the one who would mess it up. Was he just holding back his anger towards you? Was he just being nice in the beginning? Was he restraining himself from kicking you out of his place? Something inside you, though, is telling that he’s just really good-willed. But you wanted to find out why he was like this, despite the fact that you’ve developed some sort of liking.

After eating and doing a bit more of window shopping, you both decided to head home early. You stood by the subway as it was close to sunset and you waited for Minhyun since he excused himself to go to the restroom. He came back in a hurry, seeing the crowd become bigger as he realized it was already close to rush hour

“We need to go.” he said as he grabbed the bags beside you and pulled you by your wrist, running down the stairs to get to the next train that was to arrive

“Hold on! I can’t find my card!” you said as you rummaged through your small purse with your free hand, finally seeing your card and yanking it out of the pocket

After scanning your travel cards, you both waited for the train that was announced to arrive in two minutes. You stood next to Minhyun and raised your head a bit to look at him, slowly noticing a pair of eyes was staring at him and eventually looking back at you

“Yes?” Minhyun asked with a smile

“T-thank you.” you slowly smiled back

“For what?”

“For… everything…” you shyly said and looked down. He snickered a bit and ruffled your hair, then brushed it back once the train had arrived at a full stop

-

A couple of days had passed and it was filled with much joy to you, since Minhyun literally treated you as if you both were just roommates together. Somehow, it did make you feel giddy inside whenever you were able to see him even when he was almost not around due to his work. He’d properly say goodbye to you when he was to leave and whenever you were still asleep, he’d leave a small note in case he was able to cook and so. This somehow made you feel special as a person, as if you were cared so much that it made your heart skip a beat.

While in the middle of cleaning, you looked at Minhyun reading a book at the sofa and just stared at him for a while. Minhyun began to notice your eyes glued to him, and he just gave a slight smile without looking at you

“What’s the matter?” he asked, still looking at his book

“Sorry.” you mumbled, about to turn to the side

“No, really. What’s up?” he said as he put the book he was reading to the side and finally looked at you

“Well.” you sighed, turning to look back at him

“I’m just wondering why you aren’t dating anyone. I mean… you’re really sweet and easygoing. You would make a good boyfriend—no, a husband! You’re really handsome too.” you admitted, to which Minhyun just widened his eyes a bit and slowly looked down, becoming quiet

“Oh, wait… Did I say something w-“

“I’m not in a hurry when it comes to dating. I just want to have proper feelings with someone before committing.” he sighed, nodding

“But… don’t you have experience?” you raised a brow in question

“I do. I just don’t show it.” he stood up and walked over to the other side of the room to check on his laundry, and you just turned to wash your hands and walk back to your side of the place before Minhyun could come back to check up on you

“I might as well be staying home tomorrow, by the way. I’m taking a day off and I have no class since the school is having an event.” he said as he walked over to you, smiling

“Aren’t you gonna attend?” you asked, turning to look at him

“Nope. Attendance isn’t needed.” he shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets

“Alright. Good night.” you nodded

“Good night.”

You both looked at each other, you often pursing your lips as Minhyun just waited for you to go to your bed and sleep as he were to finish cleaning the rest of the place. Somehow, you took a few steps forward to walk up to him, and Minhyun also took only a step to go to you as if you both were magnets. You suddenly tiptoed a bit and kissed him on the lips as you close your eyes, him not even refraining you from doing so. The kiss wasn’t over the top, nor was it somehow like those romance novels and shows—it was rather sweet and innocent. His lips, pillowy and soft as a cloud you would describe in your mind as if you were in contact with a sweet bubblegum cotton candy piece. You finally broke the kiss yourself and stood back straight, looking at Minhyun who slowly opened his eyes from what just happened and appearing to be a little bit dazed.

“Um…” Minhyun scratched the back of his head, looking to the side

“I’m gonna go ahead.” you said, taking a few steps back and then walking to the bed where you usually slept

Minhyun couldn’t speak much and instead walked out, going to the balcony of the apartment complex  level where he often frequented and looked around.

You laid down on the bed and tried to get a grip on what just happened. You kissed Minhyun; a stranger, just some random guy who let you stay over because of his caring heart, and finally, in your admittance, someone whom you have fallen for. Sure, it had only been days, almost a week, since you both met. But he was different—he took care of you, made sure you felt right at home, and definitely made you feel safe. 

You touched your lips, trying to remember how his lips felt like on yours. It was beautiful and pure of a feeling, it wasn’t like any other person you’ve kissed before. It was like you were in your earlier years again where you had supposedly found your first love, a rather innocent kind of love.

“Love?” you thought loudly, hoping it was something that you were open enough to admit to. You had never fallen in love before, you always hoped for a happy ending and you always wanted to find the right one. You grinned, biting your bottom lip as you closed your eyes in hopes that you could fall asleep in such a pleasant mood

Minhyun, on the other hand, stood at the balcony of the apartment level and just looked at the Namsan Tower that was from far away, sighing as the cold wind seemed to rush past his jacket and into his body. But what made it extra chilly was the feeling of what just happened moments earlier.

He had kissed you, even though he wasn’t the one who initiated it. He was feeling confused but also mellow, afraid of hurting you since he didn’t want to either. He couldn’t admit to himself, and to you, that he wasn’t ready to find someone to love yet. But he knew he was close to being ready, only finding the right time on when he can find that certain someone he can call his own.

Like what you had done earlier, he also touched his lips and tried to reminisce what just happened—and it made him slightly elated. He felt at ease and it somehow didn’t feel awkward to him. No particular feelings were in the moment, but it was as if it was about to rise up as time passed. 

Chuckling to himself, he thought of what had happened again and couldn’t stop from chuckling lightly to himself as he took a couple of deep breaths before turning to walk back to the apartment, hoping you were finally asleep before you could notice from his expression on what he actually felt from the kiss.