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onlycrumbss · 8 months

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I wanna post some health and appearance tips because I seen someone else on my tumblr do it.

These are actually mind blowing tips that I’ve tried and tested, actually have science behind them, and make the overall process much easier, i may not have alot of followed and it’s pretty long but please read because these are actually some revolutionary tips like the type of tips that people gatekeep. But that’s not me

Some of these products might be expensive/out if the way I’m sorry, I’m 19 and live alone have been working full time since I was young. I don’t have tips for hiding anything though since I live alone and when I was at home my family never really cared anyways these are mainly tips on how to upkeep your looks while restricting so that way you can look healthy while getting skinny, but I do have some prouducts that will raise less suspicion for anyone who lives at home still.

✨ Tried and tested ✨

Hair~

Hair breaks when you’ve been restricting for a long time but these products have really helped and now I don’t have split ends. Their fine hair friendly as well, just remember shampoo your roots and only condition and oil your ends

Olaplex conditioner and the Olaplex hair oil

shea moisture Manuka honey and manfura oil intensive conditioner

Amika soulfood deep conditioner

Any shampoo with rosemary (makes your hair thicker and has been proven to be as effective as rogaine)

Tessa peays (you can find her on tiktok and YouTube) hair oil recipe and hair oil routine

Body care~

Skin gets really dry sooo

Olay body washes (literally any kind will work their so hydrating, they have a niacinimide one which works to brighten up your skin)

Any lotion with Vaseline in it (Vaseline will lock all moisture in and is the most effective humectant on the market. I don’t recommend using straight Vaseline Vaseline though because that will get all stick, just use a Vaseline brand lotion)

Body scrub once a week

Skincare~

Moisturizer. When your restricting you need to invest in a moisturizer, keep your skin hydrated

Sheet masks 1x a week. I like to use ones that are specifically food themed cuz in my head it’s giving my skin the nutrients I don’t wanna give to myself

My favorite kinds are: the tony Molly “I am-“ ones. Mediheal placenta sheet mask (my skin litterally glows after the placenta one) innisfree honey sleeping mask

I don’t recommend doing diy skincare but the only thing I will ever recommend along the lines of diy skincare is a honey and avacado face mask, makes my skin so hydrated and plump

Foods~

(Some of these might be a fear food for alot and can be a little calorie dense but they help with your appearance)

Berries: especially blueberries and strawberries (have highest antioxidants, which help your apperance)

Cherry and pomegranate juice (antioxidant thing I mentioned above)

Avacados and chia seeds (kinda high in calories I know! But they have lots of omegas and healthy fats and chia seeds are full of omegas and proteins, these will keep your skin dewy and keep your hair nice, chia seeds will also keep you feeling fuller for longer and are a natural laxative)

Eggs: protien+good for your hair

Health in general+ weight~

Quit nicotine. I know that nicotine is like a staple in our community and I myself and on my journey of trying to quitting smoking but after years it catches up to you, and it causes acne. If your not eating your body isn’t going to put that nutrients to upkeeping your face, I already have faint smokers lines around my lips. plus it makes working out easier

(If ur a girl/have female parts) you need to get a probiotic in and get regularly tested for bv and ye⭐️ast infections. You will be prone to bv and yeast “imbalances” while starving and they can cause a lot of problems from stomach bloating to lack of desire and pain and a lot of times are asymptomatic. This happened to me and caused alot of mental anguish because the pain made me question my gender identity and the bloating made the mental aspect of my e d worse and I didn’t even have any symptoms

Don’t use miralax, it’s really bad for you. Drink senna tea, it’s less suspicious and actually works faster and better than laxatives. Plus it doesn’t destroy your organs like miralax

Don’t use trendy diet pills. If your going to take anything get “Garcinia Cambodia” supplement and take it with an apple cider vinegar supplement. Get the acv pills instead of drinking actual acv becsuse it’s better on your teeth (have to be taken together, a study was done on this combination plus it’s been really helping me)

Fast instead of ⭐️ve: I’m not going to get too deep into the science of it all because I’m bad with my words and explaining but basically when your restricting I t’s actually more harmful to your metabolism, makes you crave more food and makes your hungrier making everything harder because that’s what actually puts your body into starvation mode is a constant input of extremely few calories. When your fasting your body goes into “modes” that are actually benifical to your body,metabolism, cravings and feelings of hunger. When you focus more on not eating anything for a long period of time (fasting) vs “I can only have x calories today so I’m gonna eat x and x and x” -(restricting), you’ll find it makes you not only loose weight faster but also make it feel easier

Which is why I see a lot of ppl on here say things like “I can fast so easily but restricting is so hard” well that’s because there’s literally a science to it. And a little secret, after you do general fasting a few days (not for days straight but more so one meal a day like 24 hour fasts and 16+odd hour fasts) it gets easy. It is litterallt so much easier than plain restricting

Take collegen supplements if it’s something your not afraid of because their very good for supple skin and also for hair as well recent studies and random experiments I’ve seen on YouTube have shown

Take biotin~ for your hair

Drink “sparkling ice” drinks. They 5 Cals and have vitamin B’s which are good for your metabolism

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I will be adding anytning I might’ve forgotten becayse I kinda rushed this because I rlly wanted to share all of these with everyone in the community after I got inspiration from the post I saw earlier. Feel free to comment or dm me any questions about the products and the sciences

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catmask · 3 months

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hey! I remember you talked once about how you write things that you can’t talk about with other people / things you don’t want to post to your public tumblr in your physical journal, and i wanted to ask: does that actually… help? like, does it feel good to get the words out on paper? bcuz i have a lot of strong feelings that i don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone irl or online about, and was wondering if writing them down would actually help. thanks, hope you have a great day! 💙

it does actually. i dont know if its evident, but ive been using tumblr less as a personal diary lately... i think because if i really want to let something out of me, it cant come with the flinch of 'but what will everyone else think?'

writing things down allows you to give concrete form to the feelings your experience, and for me at least, its a release. i want to be a patient person.... i dont think patience means you dont get angry. sometimes, i get so angry it feels like i can hardly see whats in front of me anymore. i think.. patience is learning how to release your anger and return to a situatuon once youve allowed yourself the proper enviroment to experience it. not repressing it.

that and, journal is much more forgiving than the internet. words that arent meant to be seen by anyone else cant hurt anyone else either. you can burn them once youre done, if youd like. or you can keep them and read back on them once youve changed into someone new.

so, yes, it does help. i think everyone should make a habit of it... its a lot friendlier to your ability to feel things fully, and grow out of those feelings too.

#mailbox

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urfavoritesecretadmirer · 4 months

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I love you systems who

• I love you systems who thought you were genderfluid at first. This is actually really common, and same.

• I love you systems who are/were in denial. We were in denial for the longes time.

• I love you systems who have accepted it. We are also learning to accept it and we understand it is difficult, you got this.

• I love you systems who’s first therapist didn’t understand. Our therapist didn’t understand at first. It may be hard to find a therapist at first but that’s okay.

• I love you systems who are diagnosed. You guys are so brave and I’m so proud of you.

• I love you systems who don’t want to be diagnosed. That’s completely fine and I understand, I’m still so proud of you.

• I love you systems who are self diagnosed. Great job on all your research over these past few months/years. I’m glad you finally know how you’ve been feeling now.

• I love you systems who are now in a safe environment. I’m so happy for you, continue to settle into this environment. I’m glad you’re safe.

• I love you systems who are still in toxic environment. I’m so sorry, it will get better I promise. You’ll get out one day, and until then we are here for you.

• I love you systems who were misinformed about some things at first, it’s okay. You are still learning and you should not be shamed because someone else misinformed you.

• I love you systems with high alter counts. You are not any less valid than other systems, and I understand the struggle of high alter counts.

• I love you systems who have low alter counts. It is still difficult, and I know you all will push through. I believe in you.

• I love you systems who love being a system. I know how you feel, you don’t feel alone anymore. It’s okay to love your headmates. It’s okay to see your system as a cure rather than a curse.

• I love you systems who hate being a system. This is totally okay and it’s natural to feel this way. As well as it’s okay to think of being a system as a cure, it’s okay to think of it as a curse. Being a system is hard and I understand your struggles.

• I love you systems who are neutral about being a system. It’s the same for us, it’s okay to not love or hate it. I’m here with you.

• I love you systems who are newly discovered. First of all, welcome to the system side of tumblr. Second, we are all here with you. Make sure to do your research further and if you want, try communicating with your system. I’m glad you have discovered yourself.

• I love you systems who thought they were endogenic at first because you didn’t remember your trauma. I’m sorry you went through that, and I’m glad you figured out how you feel.

• I love you systems who fit the demonized stereotype. This does not make you any less valid and it doesn’t make you all bad people. Media is bad sometimes, trust me we love you and you are valid.

• I love you systems who don’t know their head count. It’s okay to not know everything about your system, and as sad as it is, you may never know everything. But that’s okay.

• I love you systems with really good communication. Being able to communicate is a very big plus to being a system, and I’m so proud of you that you can do that. (Can we maybe have some communication tips? /nf)

• I love you systems that have low/no communication. That’s okay, and you are not invalid. If you want to work on communication, that’s great. If you don’t, that’s great too. We’ll be here for you all the way.

• I love you systems who are still in MS/HS. I know how rude kids can be, and I know it may be scary to tell kids your age you’re a system. You will get through this.

• I love you systems who mask/hide your system for any reason. You don’t have to explain to anyone why you hide being a system. I understand. And I’m with you.

• I love you systems who use hyper specific labels. That’s totally fine and I understand. Labels can make you feel organized, and it’s a very helpful thing to use.

• I love you systems who use no/some labels. This is okay, not using labels can make you feel less stressed and it may just be easier.

• I love you systems who don’t present their system online. This is okay, privacy and safety is an important factor to everyone’s lives.

• I love you systems who have whole accounts dedicated to your system, this is okay and really cool that you’re helping people learn about systems.

• I love you systems who are introject heavy. Whether it’s factives, fictives, fuzztives, you are valid. You can’t control what alters are in your system and that’s okay.

• I love you systems who have alters from “problematic” sources. You are still valid, again, you can’t control what alters you do and don’t have. You are loved.

I love you

#actually osdd #osdd system #did osdd #actually did #did system #osddid #osdd #osdd 1b #actually traumagenic

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homunculus-argument · 27 days

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hey there! this sounds like a bit of a silly question, but as a trans guy, you’re one of the few trans people i’ve been following almost since i joined tumblr, so based on your other anon ask and answer i figured i’d pop in and ask if you have any advice? if you want to answer, ofc :) — i foresee this being a bit long, so i totally get if not

so i’m also a trans guy, but i haven’t been able to take any steps toward medical transitioning before since i live with my parents. but i’ll move out soon, and i still can’t decide if i should take any of these steps even once i do. i’ve never felt like i particularly wanted to medically transition (i don’t really care about how my body looks + i’ve never really cared about changing any of it), but i would like to be seen a guy — i don’t mind if not so by strangers, but maybe so by like, my friends. but i can’t help but feel like i’d be laughed at for wanting that — i’m not naturally androgynous or masculine looking to others and i have never been mistaken for a guy, because i have really long hair, d cups, and curves. and without medically transitioning, i also kinda feel like i’m… betraying the trans community, since i’m not really putting the effort into my transition and so i’m just ‘pretending’, even though i do know i’m not.

so my question would be: as a trans person who has transitioned, socially and medically, do you think people are more understanding than i think they are currently? do you know of any trans people who don’t want to medically transition, and do you think it’s possible to live fulfilled that way? or even: do you think it would be easier for someone like me to just live a lie? i usually tell people i’m a lesbian, because they definitely would not look at me and assume ‘straight guy’, but also, as a trans person who doesn’t want to medically transition, i’m just always worried that i won’t be taken seriously. i feel like your experience of being trans and probably interacting with the community is much more than mine, which is why i ask this last one — i would try being open myself, but again, i’m still living with my parents unfortunately.

I'll be honest I don't actually really know much "community" save for former art school classmates. I've only known one trans person irl who chose not to medically transition - at the time, Finland's trans law was still shitty and required sterilisation for legal sex change, and all that. She didn't want kids or anything, but refused to engage in the process as her own little personal civilian protest. I don't want to paint some caricature picture of some Sharp Dommy Tall Scary Goth Trans Anarchist, but I was deeply impressed by the way she didn't do a single thing to try to seem smaller, softer, or in any way submissive or docile to be ~feminine~ the right, socially accepted way.

She wasn't just taller than most men but usually the tallest person in the room, and she stood out in a crowd of cis women like a crane in a chicken coop - a bird just as much as they are, but a different kind of bird. And I remember thinking that I could never do that, being so unflinching and unhesitant about standing out in the crowd because assimilating and muting yourself is beneath your dignity.

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you about being openly trans without transitioning medically, save for that it takes more guts than being able to just go stealth. I had physical dysphoria about the way my body was, and was desperate to get top surgery just for the sake of my own physical comfort, and I like the convenient anonymity of being able to just be Just Some Guy who doesn't attract anyone's interest or curiosity.

It's a smart move to not come out to your parents before you're out of their house and not relying on them for anything - this is something everyone should use their own judgement for, but I stress it to every queer kid to not take the risk if there's any chance that they'll react poorly while they still have power over you. But living your whole life in the closet - "living a lie" is a good way to put it - will corrode you from the inside.

It's better to live in peace with yourself and against the world, than in peace with the world against yourself. There is absolutely nothing in your power that you could do to change the minds of people who have already decided that they don't respect you, and if they try telling you that they would, if you only met their approved criteria, they are lying. That's bait they're dangling in front of you, and there's no "earning" the respect of such people.

Stay true to yourself and be good to people, and you'll have the respect of people who are capable of respecting you. Don't waste your time and energy on people who won't respect you, every thought and effort you spare them is wasted on them.

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prodshima · 11 months

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love language scenarios 𖤐

warnings: i wrote this a couple months ago and i just realized that it doesn’t really fit their languages but i’m too caught up to rewrite the whole thing :(

pinned: just cute scenarios of 2 of my baby boys that’ll hopefully get me out of writer’s block :) also, is haikyuu tumblr still alive? lol :p

click here for: part two

ATSUMU MIYA - physical touch.

“baby, where are you? i’m home” atsumu drowsily calls out from the front door, kicking his feet out of his shoes before hastily hanging his coat on the rack when he hears you call out his name

with fast strides, atsumu rushes to the bedroom and shoves the door open, his heart immediately melting at the sight of you all cozy in his shirt. you look so cute and he just can’t help but jump on you to bury himself in your warmth (which he’d been looking forward to since he left for work at 7 in the morning) —oh how he missed you so so much.

“hi there my baby, how was work?” you ask him as you run your fingers through his hair gently, untying the knots in the process before bursting into muffled giggles when he lets out a groan

“ ‘s okay but i missed ya” atsumu whispers and glares at you teasingly when you tell him that the both of you just spent the whole weekend together, he knows it’s true but he doesn’t care.

as a comfortable silence envelopes the bedroom, atsumu peppers feathery kisses on your jaw, soft sighs leaving his lips when your gentle hands stroke his cheek in circles, suddenly feeling overwhelmed after facing a lifeless computer for almost 16 hours

“wanna have dinner, tsum?” you ask him after a few minutes of silence, suddenly remembering that you prepared a small meal for him to eat because you figured he hasn’t eaten yet

but you’re weirded out when silence envelops the room so you look down and there welcomes you your boyfriend lying on your chest who’ve never looked so fragile with his head resting on your chest, his legs tangled with yours, and his arms wrapped around your waist

“i love you so much, tsum” you whisper as you feel your own eyes closing as well, the both of you left to enjoy each other’s warmth, finally letting the night past.

TSUKISHIMA KEI - quality time.

for someone like tsukishima kei who’s used to always spending his free time studying before he came across you, he cherishes every moment the both of you spend together because he knows he’s not good with his words— whether it’s spent on little dates, staying at his dorm and snuggling while watching cliché movies, or even just listening to music together, it’s a thing he’ll never admit it though.

“tsukki, wanna walk me home?“

tsukishima turns around to you batting your eyelashes in attempt to “lure” him to walk home with you— he thinks it’s kind of stupid though because you know he’ll do even if you don’t ask him to, he’d never make you walk home alone this late in the afternoon especially knowing that you’re tired from all the lessons you had to take in

and of course also due to your hectic schedules kicking your asses these past few weeks as finals come to a close, the both of you don’t see each other much in campus except during lunch breaks

“of course i have to, i don’t trust you enough to walk alone” tsukishima says with a fake sigh as he looks forwards, avoiding your eyes, but you decide not to tease him any further about how he just won’t admit that he wants to be with you just a little longer but instead, enjoying this side of him

as the both of you walk together silently with his earphones shared, listening to the playlist he made for you, well that he denied making, his hand suddenly grabs yours hastily, but still somewhat gentle and buries it in the pocket of his hoodie, catching you by surprise and pulling you closer to his side

you can’t help but smile at him sheepishly, that of course goes unnoticed by the tall man, judging, he looks at you with an eyebrow raised all while trying to keep his own unfazed aura because he knows exactly what’s running on your mind

“what are you looking at? hurry up, we still need to study when we get home” he scoffs softly, attempting to remove your hand from his but you don’t budge, gripping his hand tightly as you gaze at him in surprise

“huh?! are you staying with me today? you’re not going back to your dorm, tsukki? tsukki? tsukki !” you whine, swaying your hands together as he grins widely, turning around to leave a quick peck on your lips and pinching your cheeks together

“yeah, i am so get used to it because i’ll be doing it a lot more”, he admits and you tug his arm lightly, smacking him as you repeatedly ask what he meant by that

this is perfect, he thinks.

yeah it is.

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andreafmn · 1 year

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Speak | Chapter 9

Word Count: 3.6K Story Description: Bella Swan was a disaster when Edward had left. Deciding she needed a little help, Charlie Swan receives with open arms his younger daughter (Y/N) Swan. She helps Bella during her depression and becomes inseparable from her long-lost friend Jacob. What she didn’t expect was falling for a hotheaded short-tempered silver wolf. Chapter: 9/? A/N: one day I'll upload early, y'all. but I am truly trying to keep to the schedule I posted, as hard as it is. But thank you for bearing with me. You guys have no idea how much it means to me 🥰🤍 My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts to support me and my love of writing or buy me a coffee TikTok • Instagram • Business | MASTERLIST If you’d like to be tagged in this or any other story: click here Make sure you have my notifications on so you know every time I post! Taglists for Twilight get filled quick and Tumblr only lets me tag up to a certain point. Notifications are your best bet.

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Chapter 9

The Swan sisters had been raised with a misconstrued idea that the new year meant a fresh start, a clean slate. That it could magically erase any and all afflictions the year before had caused. That it truly was the first page of a new chapter.

And maybe that’s all that (Y/N) was hoping for that New Year’s Eve. That the coming year would be the first page of her new chapter in Forks. That whatever was happening with Paul would die that December night. That Bella would finally turn over a new leaf and forget Edward. That she could move forward with her relationship with Jake.

Because that’s what she wanted.

That’s what she had always wanted.

The thing she most needed was to get over whatever fluke it was that had made its way into her life. Whatever breach into her timeline that had decided to make her heart flutter out the sound of someone else’s name. It had been too sudden and unexplainable to not be a mistake.

Paul Lahote had no business settling into her heart in the way he had, and she would stop at nothing to pluck him as quickly as he had attached himself. Even if she looked forward to seeing him in her dreams at night, even if her heart skipped a beat at the mere thought of him, even if all she wanted was to get as close to him as possible.

(Y/N) wanted —at least she thought she wanted— to go back to being excited that Jacob had finally set his sights on her. She wanted the same thrill she got about Paul with Jake. He had been the crush that had withstood the trials of time. It could not be trampled over by a guy she barely knew.

Yet, she could not stop thinking how his favorite color was red, how he moved to La Push after his parent’s divorced when he was eight, how he didn’t remember much of his mother even though he had been old enough to, how he had never been in love but desperately wanted to know what it felt like. (Y/N) could not stop picturing the way his eyes would shine under the warm glow of the setting sun, how his smile would grow as he listened intently to every word she spoke. Nor could she shake off the feeling of his warm skin against hers, how soft his hands had felt where she believed they’d be rough and calloused. He was everything and nothing like she had thought, but she knew that was as far as she could go to know him.

“Well, don’t you look mighty nice?” Charlie’s voice broke his daughter out of thought. “I think you’ve been to more bonfires this month than I have been to in years. People might start forgetting the sheriff’s face around there.”

“I doubt that’s even possible, dad,” she chuckled, smoothing over a piece of hair that had been unruly for the better part of the day. “Really wish you could join us, though. Since Bella won’t be making it out there, I wanted a Swan there for moral support.”

“This about that Paul fella?”

The question took (Y/N) aback. She had thought no one but Jake knew about that whole fiasco, and she was certain he had not said anything to her dad. “How do you…?” she stammered.

“Bella muttered a thing or two about him. Said he was the one you had been with the other night,” her father said. “Something happen with you and Jake?”

“Nothing happened,” she muttered. “I’m just making new friends seeing as my stay in Forks might be longer than anticipated.”

“Well, that’s a good idea. Just be careful of the people you keep in your company.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Jake might have mentioned this Paul Lahote character is not the greatest influence,” Charlie added. “He thinks he might not have the purest of intentions with you, (Y/N). I just don’t wanna see you get hurt.”

“Well, I can tell you right now that you have nothing to worry about,” (Y/N) smiled comfortingly. The last thing she wanted was for her father to worry about her when his other daughter was still no more than a statue in their home. “I have only hung out with him that one time and I don’t think it’ll happen again. But thanks for checking in.”

“Just wanna make sure your transition back here is as smooth as possible, kiddo,” he responded warmly. “I know it’s gonna be hard to settle back here after being with your mom for so long. Forks might be a bit slow but it’s truly home.”

“I’m actually excited about staying. Even if it wasn’t the plan originally, there’s something about this town that’s just begging for me to stay,” she confessed. “Even if I came to help with Bella, I’m glad I decided to stay. It will also keep mom from taking us both back to Florida —at least for a while.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” The older Swan said before she nodded in response. “I’m just glad you two wanted to spend time with your old man. Even if I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“You’re doing good, dad,” (Y/N) chuckled. “I will say you got the shortest end of the stick having to be the one dealing with this breakup but I know you’re doing the absolute best you can. Hopefully, this new year brings us all the fresh start we so desperately need.”

“I hope so too, kiddo,” he sighed in defeat. “But have fun tonight, (Y/N), and make good choices.”

“Have I ever done anything else?”

“Very funny, kid,” Charlie chuckled. “Well, I’m off to work. I’ll probably not be here yet when you get back, so happy new year, (Y/N). And have fun.”

“Happy New Year, dad.”

Everything in Forks seemed to move at a punishingly fast pace, even if at times it felt like the town was stuck in time. But (Y/N) had been there almost four weeks which had already felt like a lifetime.

In comparison to living with Phil and her mother, in the midst of travel and adventures that she had loved for a time, (Y/N) had forgotten the calmness of remaining stagnant, of going to sleep and waking in the same home. She had forgotten what walking the halls of a school felt like, of having a group of friends that lasted more than a year.

Forks would give her that opportunity, or at least she hoped it would. The town had already started to change her and given her more than she could’ve hoped for. And that night she truly believed would set everything in the correct motion. Everything she had wished for with no more flukes.

An hour later and from the street she heard the honk of a horn. She gave herself a once over, not feeling completely comfortable with the way she looked that night. In part, she felt it was merely the nerves of seeing Jacob after the altercation with Paul.

But there was another part, the bigger part, that knew it was because of Paul. There was a calming thrill to him that she couldn’t explain. Even the juxtaposition of the thought made no sense to her. As much as she wanted to stay away from him, she wanted to get closer. It scared and excited her all at once.

Yet, the person that was waiting for her was not him. It was Jake, waiting impatiently behind the wheel of his truck.

“What took you so long?” Jacob grumbled as (Y/N) got into the car. “We’re already late as it is.”

“Sorry, Jake. I couldn’t find my jacket.”

“It’s fine, (Y/N). It’s just that Quil came back from his trip, and I wanted to catch up with him before school starts,” he said. “I also haven’t seen Embry since last weekend since he was with his mom visiting some family.”

“Yeah, I get that,” (Y/N) responded meekly, sinking into her seat. “At least we have the rest of the night to hang out with them.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he smiled forcefully. “What about Bella? Is she not coming?”

“No,” she said through gritted teeth. “She wasn’t up to coming. Still bummed about this Edward guy.”

“What a shame,” Jake sighed. “Being around people would be good for her.”

“Yeah, maybe,” she mumbled. “But I can’t really force her. This guy did a number on her and nothing dad and I are doing is working. I’ve even decided to…”

“Maybe you guys don’t know her as well as you thought,” he blurted. “I mean, no offense but she’s not the same girl that left Arizona. She’s not even the same girl that came to Forks.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t help her, Jake. And that’s what we have been doing this whole time. Still, we can’t help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves.”

“I’m not trying to start a fight, (Y/N),” he grumbled. “I’m just saying that maybe your efforts have not worked because she’s not the same Bella you knew.”

The girl remained quiet, anger filling her body instantly. Bella remained a sore subject in the new relationship, always being brought up by Jacob, reminding (Y/N) that he had liked her sister first –and, deep down, she knew he probably still did. Still, wanted to remain in the delusion that he had chosen her for as long as she could.

“It’s fine. Let’s just drop this, okay?” (Y/N) pleaded. “I just want to enjoy tonight. Please.”

“Alright, yeah. Whatever.”

The rest of the ride went by in silence, a heavy tension filling the air and suffocating her. At that moment, more than ever before in her life, she needed to believe that the new year was truly a fresh start. A new beginning for her sister, a new beginning for her relationship, and a new beginning for her life in Forks.

As soon as the truck rolled to a stop, Jake was out of the car and heading to the beach, mumbling something to (Y/N) that he was gonna see his friends and that he’d catch up to her soon enough. Then, he left her in between the small sea of cars that lined the border of the beach.

The younger Swan was left dumbfounded, completely perplexed at Jake’s reaction. His outburst had made her feel small and unwanted. And as she stood frozen at her spot, watching the community celebrate before her, she wondered if there was any reason for her to be there. Because maybe the best thing she could do, for everyone, was leave.

“I’m glad you came, (Y/N),” a voice startled her. “You look beautiful tonight.”

“Paul, hi,” she blushed, looking down at the black jumpsuit she wore under a white coat. “Thank you. You look great too. Especially with my sweater.”

“Oh, it was cold tonight and it was the first thing I grabbed,” he chuckled. “I promise I was gonna bring it back to you, not use it like it was mine.”

“Honestly, it looks better on you than it does me. Sometimes I feel like I drown in it.”

“I’m sure that’s not true. Your look great in a paper bag,” he grinned. “But I really am glad you came tonight.”

“And why is that, Paul Lahote?”

“Because I wanted to apologize for the other day. I never wanted things to end the way they did,” he said. His eyes searched hers in the darkness, wanting nothing more than for his hands to reach her, to feel her skin against his once more. “I’m sorry if I caused any trouble between you and Jacob. The last thing I would have ever wanted was for you to be blamed for my actions. You don’t deserve that.”

“Thank you, Paul,” she smiled, her hand unconsciously reaching for his, giving it a comforting squeeze. “But it’s not your fault. I was the one that agreed to spend time with you knowing that Jake would blow off the handle. If anyone is to blame for what happened that night, it’s me.”

Paul couldn’t help himself as his free hand flew to rest on her cheek, cradling her face in a soothing manner. “Nothing that happened was your fault, (Y/N),” he said. “Jake simply showed you who he is. You never did anything wrong. We didn’t do anything wrong.”

In that split second, (Y/N) remembered Jake’s words. She broke away from his contact, as though his touch had burned her skin, turning away from the enchanting trance his eyes held over her.

“What’s wrong?”

“It's just that Jake said something about you and… your past,” she sighed. “He said I was just an attempt to make your body count higher.”

“I hope you know how untrue that is,” he said, seething on the inside but not daring to show it to her. “You are special, (Y/N), and I would never do anything that would make you feel otherwise.”

“But why, Paul? What is so special about me? To everyone, I’m just Bella’s little sister.”

“You have to know that that is the least interesting thing about you,” he said. He reached out to her, needing to look her in the eye again. “You’re funny, you’re kind, you’re smart and witty. And that’s merely the tip of the iceberg. I may not have known you for long but I know there’s so much more to you than you let on. And all I’ve wanted was to learn about those parts that you hide from everyone else.”

“I still don’t know why!” (Y/N) responded, frustration pooling beads of tears in the corners of her eyes. “How can I trust someone that somehow says everything I want to hear but won’t give me a straightforward answer? Why me, Paul? Out of all the people in the world, why do you want to know me?”

At that moment, he felt he would spill everything. He wanted her to know just why it was her, why the universe had decided that it had to be her. Paul wanted to confess what bonded them and would keep them for the rest of their lives.

And he would have, but the fear of putting her in any danger could not let him say the words. He could not bring himself to utter any of the words that would throw her life up in shambles. “Why not you, (Y/N)?” he asked her, biting his tongue to keep what he wanted to say from spilling. “Is it so hard to believe that I could have seen you and be intrigued by you?”

“You saw me for a split second, Paul. Someone you’ve never known of cannot be worth all this trouble.”

“You are worth it, (Y/N).”

“And you are frustratingly vague,” she finally cracked a smile. “Why can’t you just answer me? What is it that you’re hiding?”

“You’d never believe me if I told you,” he copied her smile. “And isn’t a little mystery fun?”

“It could be if it didn’t get me in trouble with my boyfriend.”

“That could be fixed by breaking up with him, you know,” Paul teased. “A lot of things could be fixed if Jake was gone.”

“Are you threatening my boyfriend, Paul Lahote?”

“I would never,” he laughed. “But I still believe that he doesn’t deserve you, (Y/N).”

“Will you ever let that go?”

“Don’t think I can.”

And maybe she knew he was right but it was too hard to admit it, to him or to herself. She had wanted Jake for the better part of her life and one night could not change that. She wouldn’t let it. “Then you’re gonna have to if there’s ever gonna be some sort of friendship between us,” she said. “Might be hard to spend time with someone that’s always trashing their boyfriend.”

“I mean, you’ve only got a couple more weeks before you have to go back to Florida, right? I think I can control myself in that time.”

“Actually, I decided to move to Forks with my dad,” she smiled. “Bella isn’t getting better and I’ve honestly gotten attached to this town. It might be that some people have made this place so enchanting.”

“Then I guess I’m gonna have to work harder on pretending that I like Jake,” he grinned. “But I am glad you’re staying. The town wouldn’t be the same without you.”

“I’ve only been here for three weeks, Paul,” she laughed.

“And nothing has been the same since.”

“You’re something else.”

“I could say the same about you,” Paul added before noticing Jared calling him over. “And on that note, I will have to leave you. I’ve got a couple of things I have to do. But not before you give me your phone number.”

“My number?”

“That way I’d we ever wanna see each other it doesn’t have to be by me showing up at your house or running into each other at a bonfire.”

“Right,” she chuckled, handing him her phone. “That’s smart.”

“I’ll see you around, (Y/N),” he smiled before kissing her on the cheek and disappearing down the beach.

As soon as he was out of sight, (Y/N) looked around, hoping that no one had witnessed what had just happened. As innocent as everything could have been, in such a small town, everything was known.

Once she had calmed down, she finally walked toward the commotion of the beach. Feeling as confused as she had been since meeting Paul, but at peace. Being around him made her feel serene, tranquility spreading through her veins. Though he made her heart race, he didn’t make her chest feel tight. It was a feeling that made her feel equal parts uneasy and calm.

“Where were you?” Jake asked as she joined him and his friends, a hint of annoyance dancing between his words.

“Just around,” she smiled. “I was actually planning to get something to drink. Do you guys want anything?”

“We’re good,” Embry smiled kindly. “But thank you.”

“Just hurry,” Jake added before becoming more interested in the conversations he was having before she had gotten close. “And bring me back a water, thanks.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

(Y/N) left him quickly, needing to compose herself before heading back toward him. She could feel how annoyed he was at her. Ever since that afternoon with Paul, Jake had become distant and rather cold toward her but she could understand why. As much as it pained her, she knew why and that she had to do something to make it up to him while keeping what angered him a secret.

“It’s good to see you around, (Y/N),” Billy said as he joined the girl’s side at the refreshment table. “I was wondering when I would see you again.”

“Hi, uncle Billy,” she smiled. “I’ve been meaning to go by the house but I’ve been busy these couple of days.”

“And things have been heated between you and my son.”

“How did you…?”

“Small town,” he smiled softly. “But I’ve already had some words with my son about his behavior toward you. It was completely unacceptable.”

“It might have been an overreaction but it was warranted,” she said looking down. “I knew what I did would anger him but I still did it.”

“That doesn’t mean he can chastise you in the middle of town. My son is young and can be quick-tempered,” Billy sighed, taking one of (Y/N)’s hands in his. “He says and does things that he doesn’t know he will regret one day, and you don’t deserve to be in the receiving end of that.”

“Thank you, Billy,” (Y/N) smiled, squeezing his hand reassuringly. “But I’m sure he’s sorry for that night and we’ll work through it together.”

“You know, I love my son, but he can be quite stubborn when he wants to. Even at his own detriment. Still, I hope this new year brings you both clarity and growth. Both personally, and if the gods want it, in your relationship as well.”

“I hope so too, uncle Billy.”

“My son is lucky to have you by his side. Even if he doesn’t know it.”

(Y/N) felt a new surge of confidence as he joined Jake and his friends once more. Knowing Billy was watching her back made her feel stronger about her relationship with Jacob and that it was worth investing her heart and time into. She knew her heart yearned for Jake and all she felt toward Paul was a strong sense of friendship.

As the hours passed and the tension between her and Jake seemed to dissipate, her resolve simply solidified itself. She would do anything possible to fix her relationship with her boyfriend and keep her friendship with Paul separate from Jacob.

But there was the smallest part in her that replayed Paul’s voice. He kept telling her how she deserved better and that Jake was not the right person for her, even if that was who she had wanted for so long.

Still, when the clock struck twelve, Jake was the one she kissed, and wished things would work out between them. She wished for him to only see Bella as a friend and finally give his whole heart to her. Wrapped in his arms as they cheered the new year, she begged the universe to give her the chance to have everything she had wished for.

Yet as her eyes found Paul’s in the crowd, she doubted if it was what she truly wanted or if she was holding onto a silly childhood dream.

Next ->

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musings-of-a-rose · 5 months

Text

Pairing: Lucien Flores x f!reader

Word Count: 5700+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.

Notes: I know. We have 2 pictures and a one-sentence movie description. And yet, here I am, being a slut for this man’s characters. @rhoorl, this is for you!

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**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Lucien Flores Masterlist

Great. Another dinner party. I swear my roommate is trying to kill me.

“Come on. It'll be fun, Decaf!”

“You know I hate that nickname, right?”

Claudia chuckles, reaching out to squeeze my arm. “Then stop being so-” she gestures with her free hand “-blah.”

“Ouch.”

Claudia sighs. “You know what I mean. Ever since Dan you just haven’t been..the same.”

I stiffen at the mention of my ex’s name. “He put me through hell, Claudia.”

She nods, placing her hand back on my arm in a placating gesture. “No, of course! He was an asshole! But you shouldn’t stop living your life because of him.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, exhaling loudly. “I know that. But I just…need some time. And having a dinner party every other weekend is not helping.”

She blows a raspberry with her tongue. “You know you love my parties. Besides, they help you loosen up.”

They don’t. I pretend to drink while my friends get drunk, eventually leaving when the party gets too much to handle. It’s not that they’re mean or anything. I just don’t enjoy being the only sober person in a room full of inebriated people.

“And besides, Marcos specifically requested your famous tiramisu for dessert!” She gives me a pointed look, a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“I don’t-”

“We can go shopping tonight! Maybe Marcos can come over to uh, help.” She winks at me, and that smirk finally pops up.

“I’ll make the dessert but I’m not going. I mean it this time, Claudia.”

I sigh, looking at my reflection in the mirror as I smooth down my simple black dress. I say no and somehow I always end up going. How does she do that?

The doorbell rings and I hear the faint excited tone of Claudia welcoming someone in. I do one last quick hair check and force a smile on my face, taking a moment to look in the mirror to make sure it doesn’t look too forced before I head downstairs, closing my door behind me.

“Decaf! There you are! Marcos is in the kitchen. Why don’t you help him with the wine he brought?” Claudia turns to put Marcos’s coat and umbrella on the coat stand, Marcos anticipating the rain that’s forecasted to come at some point.

“Wine isn’t really my-”

“There she is!” Marcos pops his head out of the kitchen, flashing me a brilliant smile. “Could you get the wine opener for me?”

Fake smile affixed, I nod. “Sure.” I follow him into the kitchen, turning to glare at Claudia over my shoulder who smiles and gestures towards Marcos before turning back to answer the next knock at the door.

I grab the automatic wine opener from the drawer, Marcos smiling at me as I hold it up. “Thanks so much, D!” Well, at least it was better than Decaf. Even though I knew he knew where the opener was.

“Of course. Do you remember how to work this thing?”

“I think so.” He takes the wine opener from me, gently brushing his fingers against mine in a not so subtle hint of flirting. He affixes the opener on the bottle and presses the button, watching as the electric opener does its thing.

It’s not that I don’t like Marcos. He’s attractive, nice, deep hazel eyes, and obviously likes me. He’s smart too, starting up his own bio med tech company with just an idea and a promise. I could be content with him, I guess. If it wasn’t for this odd feeling at the back of my brain about him, something I could never pinpoint exactly. Even so, I’m just not attracted to him no matter how hard I tried. And I promised myself after Dan that I wouldn’t settle just so I didn’t feel lonely anymore.

“You look beautiful tonight, D. That dress fits you perfectly.”

I smile, knowing it doesn’t quite reach my eyes. “Thanks, Marcos. How’s work? The prototype coming along?”

He smiles and launches into a long winded explanation of what exactly was going on as he follows me around the kitchen, helping me set the food on the table while Claudia pours wine and passes out hors d'oeuvres for the other guests - there are about 12 of us total. He’s cute when he talks so passionately, but again I don’t feel any connection. And the feeling at the back of my brain scratches at me again, but I push it down, putting another smile on my face.

Dinner starts, an appetizer of vegetable soup ladeled into bowls. Claudia is every bit the chef her mother is and more, making even the simplest dishes delectable. When the roast comes, a recipe passed down several generations in her family, another knock raps at the door. Claudia looks around at everyone, mentally counting before looking at me, her eyebrows raised in a are you expecting someone? Question. I shake my head, Claudia starting to push her chair back but I stand, placing my napkin on the side of my plate.

“I got it, Claud.”

Conversations resume behind me as I leave the room, walking down the hall to the front door. A quick glance out of the peephole shows me a man, silky button up shirt with a print of random brushes strokes stretching across his broad shoulders as he puts a cigarette out on the front steps, pushing his shoe into it. I slide the lock back and crack the door open, his eyes snapping up to my face and the air rushes from my lungs when I meet his gaze. Dark brown eyes bore into mine and he cocks his head slightly to the side, smiling slightly. Oh shit is he wearing two chains?

“Good evening, miss.”

Oh shit I hadn’t said a word.

“Oh. Uh, hi. Can I help you?”

He smiles a little wider, tossing his thumb over his shoulder. “My car stalled and my phone is dead. Could I come in and call someone?”

I don’t entirely believe his story, but something in his eyes makes my brain go fuzzy and a warmth I haven’t felt in a long time start between my legs.

“S-sure. Come on in.” I open the door wider and he smiles at me, nodding as he walks past.

“Thanks. I wasn’t sure anyone would be home. Seems a lot of people are away for the weekend.”

“Oh not really. People around here don’t actually live here. It’s their second homes.” In fact, ours was Claudia’s parent’s second home. Which is the only way I could afford a place this nice.

“Ah. That makes sense.” We stand in the entryway, his eyes scanning my face with that little smile still playing at his lips. It’s several long moments before I realize I’m the one who should be talking.

“Oh! Uh, can I take your coat….” It’s then I realize he doesn’t have one, not even carrying one.

He chuckles. “I think I’m good. But thank you for the offer.” The lights hit the chains around his neck and I swallow hard, wondering what it would be like to feel those chains smack me in the face over and over and-

Laughter erupts from the dining hall and..oh shit I never asked his name.

I tell him my name. “But you can call me D.”

“What’s that short for?”

“I…don’t want to say.”

“That bad, huh? I’ve had some bad nicknames in my time.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. But my name is Lucien.” He extends his hand and I shake it, melting internally as I feel how large his hand his, how warm, and my brain wanders away on the thot train of exactly what I want those hands to do. Another round of laughter from the dining room breaks my trance and I give my head a little shake, dropping his hand.

“Dinner party,” I gesture down the hall towards the dining room.

“Ah. I thought you just dressed beautifully for fun.”

I can feel the heat in my cheeks and I glance away, tucking hair behind my ear before looking back at him. “I uh…you said your phone is dead?”

“Oh. Yeah.” He pulls it from his pocket, turning it to show me the blank screen.

“I have a charger. Come, I’ll let you use it and then you can come have some food if you’d like?”

“Oh I don’t want to impose.”

“It’s no bother. Really.” I let my hand rest on his arm, giving it a small squeeze. Who even am I right now?

His eyes flick between mine before he nods. “Lead the way.”

I yell to Claudia that I’m getting my charger and she doesn’t question it, diving right back into whatever story she’s telling as I lead Lucien up the stairs. To my bedroom. What am I doing right now? Before I can think further, I’m at my door, opening the handle and crossing to my night stand, pulling the end out of my own phone and extending my hand. “Here. Let me charge it for you.”

He hesitates a moment before placing his phone in my hand. “I appreciate it, D.”

I plug in his phone and open mine. “Do you have a preferred mechanic?”

“For what?”

“Y-your car?”

“Oh! Right! Uh sure. Can I just?” He makes to grab my phone and I let him, hiding a smirk when I notice that the tips of his ears are red. He taps away at my phone and holds it up to his ear, ordering a mechanic to his car.

“Hey, what neighborhood is this?”

“Destiny Falls.”

“Destiny Falls….great…thanks.” He taps the screen and hands me back my phone. “Thanks.”

I take the phone from him, feeling his fingers touch mine, a chill running down my arm and straight between my legs. “N-no worries.”

He stares at me for a long moment, his eyes moving down my body and back up. “You mentioned dinner?”

“Shit! Sorry! Yeah, uh this way.”

He follows me back out and down the stairs. I can feel his eyes on my ass and so I put an extra emphasis on my walk, an extra sway in my hips and I swear I hear a small groan coming from him.

“Hhhm?” I ask.

“What? Oh, I uh, I’m hungry.”

I open the door to the dining room, Lucien following me in. Everyone turns their heads to look, Claudia’s eyes moving furiously between us both before she stands. “Who’s this, Decaf?”

I widen my eyes at her, willing her to never use that nickname again. “This is Lucien. His car broke down a couple blocks away and no one else is home. His phone died so he couldn’t call anyone. He’s going to wait here for the mechanic.”

Lucien holds up his hand. “Hi. Thank you for allowing me into your home.”

Claudia smiles, waving him up. “Of course! Are you hungry? Let me get you a plate.”

“Oh I don’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense! Decaf, could you get him a plate and a chair? Marcos, scootch down a bit and we can put Lucien’s chair at the end.”

I look over at Marcos, who’s eyes are narrowed at Lucien, a hard look in them.

Men.

I roll my eyes and turn towards the kitchen, motioning for Lucien to follow me. “Come on. I need those hands.” It’s not until we’re in the kitchen when I realize what I said.

“So. You need my hands, doll?”

“I meant for the chair, but we’ll see if I can find another use for them.” What the fuck did I just say?

He chuckles, his eyes darkening. “I’m sure you’ll find me more than willing to help with whatever you want me for.”

Fuck, he’s looking at me and he has to know what he said. Lucien takes a few steps towards me, stepping inside the comfortable distance between strangers. Does he know that the heat between my thighs is almost unbearable at this point? I’m tempted to get him seated and go take care of myself before I get into trouble.

“I-”

“Hey, D. Need any help?” Marcos had come through the door. I jump back, startled. Why do I feel guilty? I don’t owe Marcos anything.

“Hey Marcos. No, I think we got it.”

“Here, Lucien. Let me show you where the spare chairs are.”

Lucien looks down at me and winks before following Marcos. “After you.”

I make Lucien a plate of food and bring it out to the table, the conversation still moving forward. I set the plate down and go back to the kitchen to get him a drink when I hear raised voices from the back storage closet where the chairs are. I can’t make it out but they’re definitely arguing.

Ugh, men.

Then the storage room door pops open and Lucien exits, carrying a chair. The look on his face is hard, anger etching into his face, but then he sees me and it disappears immediately, giving me a smile. “Got the chair.”

He walks towards me as Marcos takes a moment to close the door. “Everything ok, guys?”

“We’re great, D.”

“Because it sounded like you were fighting.”

“Nope. All good.” Marcos’s voice was flat, not his normal charismatic, charming tone he uses to win everyone over. I don’t believe him but it’s not the time to press him.

Lucien sits at the table and everyone starts asking him questions, his face animatedly answering all of them. The conversation pauses, everyone stopping to drink or eat or talk between themselves. Lucien shifts in his chair beside me, his leg brushing against mine and I gasp, trying to hide it as a small cough. But the twinkle in his eye tells me he heard me and knew exactly what I did. Not even the glare from Marcos at Lucien could ruin the mood for me. Lucien presses his leg into mine further, taking a sip of wine as he cracks a joke and everyone laughs, the ring on his pointer finger sparkling in the light from the chandelier. I can’t take it any more, the throbbing between my thighs is so intense I swear everyone can hear it. I need to get out of the room.

“Excuse me. I’ll uh…I’ll go check on your phone.” I hastily stand, pushing my chair back.

“Do you want help, D?” Marcos asks, halfway to standing himself.

“No! Uh, no. I can check a phone myself, thanks.”

I walk calmly from the room, waiting until the door closes behind me before I take the stairs 2 at a time, closing my bedroom door behind me and pressing my back against it, feeling the coolness of the wood seep through my thin dress, but it does nothing to dull the ache between my legs. I sit on my bed next to my night stand, legs on the floor and put my hands over my face. Get it together. A quiet knock makes me jerk and snap my head up, moving my hands just enough to speak.

“Who is it?”

“Lucien.”

Shit.

“What can I do for you?”

“I uh, just need to check on my phone?”

Oh right.

“Come on in.”

As Lucien opens the door, I lean back slightly, placing my arms behind me and lean on them. Lucien gently closes the door and crosses the room, his pant leg brushing against my bare knee as he reaches for his phone and presses the power button, light shining in his face. I press my thighs together in what I hope is an inconspicuous manner.

“Only 15%. This phone takes forever to charge. Do you mind if I charge it a little more?”

“Not at all.”

“Thanks.” He sets the phone down and turns his head to look at me, his eyes flicking to my thighs that are currently jammed together so tight even water couldn’t get through them.

“Let me help you with your problem.”

I swallow hard. “P-problem?”

“Yes. Your problem.”

“I..I don’t have…” I lose all track of what I was going to say as his eyes darken, slowly raking over my body before landing on my own darkened gaze, smirking at me.

“I’m an excellent…helper.”

“I..I d-don’t have a p-problem.”

“No?”

I shake my head, not even convincing myself. But then my voice catches in my throat as he gets on his knees in front of me, his fingers gently swirling a random pattern across my knees and lower thighs. My skin sears where he touches me, and I can feel how soaked I’m getting. He gently wraps his hands around my knees and slowly pushes them open, the cool air not doing much to cool me down. My chest heaves as his eyes move up my legs, his gaze disappearing under my shortened dress, honing in on where I need him.

“I think I found your problem.”

“Y-yeah?”

He slowly slides his hand up my thigh, my breath coming out in little spurts the higher he gets. His hand disappears under my dress and then I feel him, his finger sliding up the middle of me still over my underwear and my hips jolt, immediately betraying all sense of logic in my brain, the side of me that’s screaming this is a stranger!

“Good news. I can help fix your problem.”

“Y-you can?”

“Do you want me to?”

I’m still propped up on my elbows, gazing down at this man who is kneeling between my legs, hand up my dress, rubbing tiny circles into my inner thigh with the tip of his finger, his eyes nearly black with lust, my logic side screaming at me to tell him no, to tell him to stop, to play it safe.

But I’m tired of being called Decaf.

“Yes.”

He smirks, sliding his hands up further, fingers pinching the fabric of my panties before he slides them down and off, tossing them behind him without looking. He gently places my legs over his shoulders, pushing my thighs open wider with his broad shoulders.

“Show me,” he says it calmly, but it’s also commanding and I shiver.

I grip the bottom of my dress and pull it up over my hips, exposing myself to him. His eyes move to stare at my cunt, darkening the rest of the way. He moves his fingers to spread me and I gasp at his touch as he takes me all in.

“Fuck!” I yell out as he quickly dips his head and licks up the center of me, his tongue curling around the bundle of nerves. My thighs try to jam against his head but he is so damn broad that all they do is weakly twitch against his shoulders as he works me open with his mouth, moaning into my cunt.

“Oh shit, oh fuck, I-” words tumble from me in an incoherent jumble. I feel one of his thick fingers swirling around my entrance before he pushes it all the way in, the cool metal of his ring brushing against my skin. My mouth is open in a silent scream, but then he pulls his finger out, adding another, his head lifted to watch as he fucks me with his fingers, the lewd squelches filling the quiet room.

He moves his head back down, gently sucking on my clit and my fingers fly to his head, twisting into his beautiful curls and gripping it as I moan his name, his fingers curling inside of me, slowly stroking at that spot. I can feel myself tightening, pulsing around his fingers as he pushes me closer to the edge. But then he pulls his hand out, his mouth leaving me and I huff.

“What the fu-”

He stands, undoing the buttons on his shirt before taking it off, tossing it on the floor. He’s not 6 pack fit but he’s trim, a small tummy poking out by his pant line that I desperately want to bite. His large hands work open his pants and before I know it, he springs free, heavy and ready.

“Take off your dress.”

It takes me a moment to tear my eyes away from him, nearly ripping my dress in half in my haste to rid myself of it. I unlatch my bra too, tossing it wherever it lands. Lucien pushes my legs open, settling himself between my thighs, pressing his chest against mine. I think he’s going to say something but then all words leave my brain as he pushes inside of me, splitting me open, hand clasped over my mouth as I scream into it, hands flailing around simply because I don’t know what to do with them. He burns me slightly from the stretch but I don’t even care. He bottoms out and just sits there a few moments, his own chest heaving with self-restraint.

Without pulling out, he thrusts further in, pressing at a spot inside of me I didn’t even know existed. A whiny yelp escapes me before his hand clamps over my mouth again, his eyes finding mine as he continues this slow assault. He tentatively removes his hand, my mouth hanging open as jolt of pleasure radiates out from my cunt with every thrust of his hips.

“Do you want me to fuck you into this bed, doll?”

I nod frantically, my hands gripping his ass in an attempt to move him faster.

“Tell me.”

“Please. Please Lucien, fuck me into my bed I-” he clamps his hand over my mouth again, his hips picking up to a rapid pace as he fucks into me, lifting my leg over his hip to change the angle. Then he somehow gathers my flailing hands in one of his large ones, pinning them into the bed above my head as he continues to snap his hips into mine, each thrust driving me rapidly towards the edge he had already brought me to earlier. The thin chains he wore brush against my face with every thrust, and I moan into his hand.

And then I fling myself over the edge, each thrust of his hips carrying me further and further into this bliss. I’ve never experienced this, not in this way, not this intense, rolling waves of pleasure pulsing over my entire body. I feel his hand loosen their grip, no longer over my mouth and they squeeze my hips, flipping me over so quickly my head spins slightly. I bury my face in my blankets and moan as he thrusts into me, his fingers digging into my hips as he sets a rapid pace, pushing my back down to curve my ass up further. To my surprise, I feel one of his hands snake around me, finding my clit and applying the perfect touch, perfect amount of pressure as he drives me towards the edge again at a rapid pace. He pulls me up, my back flush against his chest, his arm wrapping around me to continue touching me while the other holds my hair tightly and I come, his name gasping from my lips as I feel his hips sputter against me, a mix of hard and soft grunts in my ear before he loosens his fingers, letting me drop back to my hands.

He pulls out with a grunt and I immediately feel light, empty, and a little sore but in a good way. He looks at me and I point to my en suite bathroom, still trying to catch my breath. He disappears for several moments before coming back out, a wet washcloth in hand. He looks at me, still in the same position he left me in and moves behind me, pressing the cloth to my sensitive skin. I twitch and hear a low chuckle as he continues to clean me up. He helps me lay on my back, his finger tracing circles around my nippple before giving it a little pinch.

“We better get back to your party.”

“My what?” I’d completely forgotten there even was a dinner party happening. He laughs, his hand resting on my stomach.

“Your dinner party. Surely your friends will wonder where you are.”

“Maybe. Or we could just stay here, naked, and see what happens?”

His eyes darken again and he leans forward, pulling a boob into his mouth and sucking on it. I gasp but then he drops it, sitting back up.

“As much as I’d love that, we should probably get back downstairs.”

I’m hurt, but he’s right. Soon enough my friends would send a search party. And I don’t want any of them to see this complete stranger, balls deep inside of me. Although if you asked me when he was actually balls deep, I wouldn’t have cared at all.

Lucien dresses first and heads back downstairs, winking at me before he closes the door. I quickly rinse off, careful not to wet my hair before trying to fix it to what it was before. I smooth down my dress and hope no one notices the difference. I decide to check the power on his phone before I head down, just to give him an update, expecting it to not be any higher than maybe 20%. But when I light the screen up, my eyebrows furrow together. It was fully charged. Why did he lie? Was it just to fuck me? I wouldn’t have cared if his phone was fully charged.

I take it from the charger and head back downstairs, sounds of laughter echoing up the stairwell. I sneak in through the back door, grabbing another bottle of wine on my way in as an excuse for taking so long. I realize I have no idea how much time I’d spent upstairs, but people were just finishing eating, so it couldn’t have been too long.

I feel eyes on me, but none more than Marcos. His eyes bore into me, hardening the longer he looks at me. He glances between Lucien and me as I hand him his phone, a look of realization settling into his features. Before I can say anything he abruptly stands up, mumbling something about a cigarette break before heading out on the back porch. A moment passes and Lucien pats his pockets, asking Claudia if she thinks Marcos will let him bum a cigarette off of him. She smiles and tells him he definitely will. Lucien gets up and excuses himself, heading out the back door to find Marcos.

Claudia keeps looking at me, her eyes narrowing but a smile forming, like she’s starting to piece together what happened. Before she can ask, I excuse myself, heading towards the backyard to find Lucien and Marcos. But when I open the door I hear raised voices coming from further in the backyard.

“You need to fucking leave, Lucien.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you give me what’s mine, Marcos.”

“It’s not yours anymore, I told you that!”

“That’s because you fucking stole it from me, asshole!”

What the hell are they talking about?

“You say stole, I say borrowed-”

“It took me forever to find you and now you don’t even have the balls to admit you stole from me?”

“Fuck you!”

“No, fuck you!”

I hear the sound of fists landing and I close the last several steps, their fighting bodies moving into my view.

“What the fuck is going on here?”

They both stop, pushing back from each other and looking at me. Marcos tries to put on his normal charming smile, but that nagging feeling about him roars inside of me. “Hey, D.”

“Don’t hey me, Marcos. What’s going on?”

“Oh uh Lucien and I were just messing around, right?” He looks at Lucien who glares back at him.

“No. We were not. You stole from me.”

Marcos narrows his eyes. “And how could I have stolen anything from you?”

“You were my intern! You worked on my project and then you stole it to start your little start up!”

“Wait, what?” I look between them, confused.

“D, he’s crazy. He’s just some guy off the street. You don’t even know him-”

“Oh she knows me plenty.”

My jaw drops as Marcos looks between us.

“Wait…did…did you sleep with her when you went to get your phone?”

I can feel my cheeks heating up but Lucien speaks before I do. “Yeah. I did. I fucked her good. Had her screaming my name. Begging me to fuck her.”

Marcos’s mouth opens and closes, anger flashing in his eyes and I can feel tears pooling in mine, a mixture of anger and embarrassment as Lucien continues to speak.

“Doesn’t feel good, does it Marcos? To have something you want so badly taken away from you? I knew the moment I saw you look at her that you wanted her. So I fucked her first. You take something from me, I take something from you.”

Marcos stands there fuming, looking furious at Lucien, but no longer even looking my way. “You can’t just come in here-”

“I can. And I came in her too.”

SLAP!

My hand stings with the force of contact but I swallow any cry of pain. Lucien brings his hand to his cheek, turning to finally look at me, an odd expression on his face.

“D, listen. Marcos isn’t who you think he is. He-”

WHAM!

Marcos’s fist collides with Lucien’s face and he stumbles backwards. He rallies quickly, swinging for Marcos. I yell for them to stop but I may as well have been talking to the wall. The men fight, throwing themselves at each other, yelling insults that I can only halfway make out. But then Lucien pins Marcos to the ground, pounding on his face. I run up to him and grab his arm.

“Stop!”

Lucien looks at my hand on his arm and then at me before glancing down at Marcos who had just passed out. He looks back at me, his face softening as he lowers his fist, slowly standing up with a series of tiny grunts.

“D, I’m sorry, I-”

“Did you just fuck me to get back at him?”

He’s quiet for longer than I’d like, and I hate the tears that start to fall. I’m not delusional. I know nothing would come of it. I didn’t even know the guy. But a part of me had held onto some idea that maybe it was something more, could be something more.

“Not…not at the end.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He gestures to a couple of chairs. “Can I explain?”

I sit, I probably shouldn’t have but good decisions went out the window a long time ago. Lucien sits in the chair across from me, shifting his weight forward to be closer to me.

“Years ago, I hired Marcos as my intern. His name then was Juan. He helped me with my research. I had a bio tech lab and was working on some ground breaking tech. But then one day, I come in and everything is gone. He’d stolen everything, all of my years of research just gone. And then I see his face being put up as the new man to watch in all of the science and tech magazines and I see it, my tech being claimed by this imposter.” Lucien spits on Marcos’s body.

That explains the weird vibe I’d always gotten from him. He was a lying cheat.

“So what about tonight?”

“Ah. Well it had taken me years but I finally tracked him down. And every time I tried to get close, to get him to confess he would somehow weasel out of it. But then I saw him connected to a social media post about a dinner party. I hired a PI to figure out where and I..well I knocked on the door.”

“So your car?”

“Isn’t really broken down, no.”

“Your phone was fully charged.”

“It was already at 87% when I first plugged it in.”

I sit with this information for a few moments. “So what about…me?”

Lucien’s face softens as he looks at me. “Then there was you. I didn’t expect to see anyone here I actually was intrigued by, but there you were. I pushed it aside to get to Marcos but then I saw how he acted around you, the way he looked at you, the pure desire in every inch of him. So I flirted and got close. You were hot and I figured I could fuck you to make him get super pissed. But then you took your dress off so easily and I could tell you weren’t really that kind of person and I just… lost myself a bit when I was inside you. By the end, I was hating myself for using you. I…I’m sorry.”

Well. There you have it. I was right about Marcos being too charming for a reason, a reason he had now confessed to, recorded on Lucien’s phone no doubt. I’m mad, I want to hit him but I also get it. And damn was he the best fuck I’ve ever had.

I lean forward, curling my finger around the chains on his neck as I pull him closer.

“Wanna go for round 2?”

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astroismypassion · 1 year

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Astrology observations 🌌🌌

Credit goes to my Tumblr blog @astroismypassion

🌌 Virgo MC can’t really get away with “bad decisions”. For example, if they don’t eat well, overindulge, they are more likely to get backlash or criticism from people.

💙 Retrograde Mars people can often percieve themselves as not enough sexually desirable. They might think people don’t want to have sex with them.

💜 People with Capricorn Moon or Moon in the 10th house and other Earth Moon feel like their mental health starts get better if they just begin doing chores.

🌌 Neptune in the 4th house and Pisces IC native is that family member that can’t ever be blamed. Family members might even fear hurting this native due to how innocent they are and that they have the most unconditional love out of all family members.

💙 Gemini Suns are scared of gossip. Because they are aware of the fact that even a made-up thing can be turned into “a fact” too quickly and that people can end up taking a misconstructed thing as the whole reality.

💜 To me Virgo Venus has “minimalist” aesthetic, Taurus Venus “quiet luxury” aesthetic, Pisces Venus “coastal grand daughter” or “cottagecore” aesthetic and Capricorn Venus “preppy” or “dark academia” aesthetic.

🌌 I noticed Scorpio Moons most often only have one active social media account. Like they would use JUST Tiktok or just Tumblr, just Instagram and nothing else.

💙 Neptune in the 1st house women enjoy colouring their hair and changing colour. This is even more prominent if they also have Uranus in the 1st house.

💜 Women with Virgo Mars might have a husband that is gluten or dairy free. Also, your partner might have really nice skin if Virgo Mars is located in the 9th house or the 2nd, but if it’s in the 8th house or aspected with Pluto, he could actually struggle with keeping a healthy skin, could be prone to acne.

🌌 Musicians who have Gemini North Node or North Node in the 3rd house were discovered on Youtube or on a social media platform.

💙People with Scorpio over the 12th house or Pluto in the 12th house might help or serve ill people, such as granting the wish of critically ill people.

💜 You might buy food, food brands or meals from people who share your Moon sign. As an example: if you are Taurus Moon, you buy food items made by Taurus Sun people. If you are ans Aries Moon, you support food brands made by Aries Sun.

🌌 Leo Rising hair always stands out. Even if they are bald, have buzz cut, thin or frizzy hair. People tend to remember their hair the most.

💙 Gemini Mercury loove saying “fun fact…”. 😂

💜 Sagittarius Mars natives might really like their first time (having sex).

🌌 And also a side note, I noticed a pattern that people tend to describe their first time mostly with their Mars sign traits. If it’s Cancer Mars, they felt really comfortable and it was probably with someone they really, really liked and had a crush on for a very long time. Virgo Mars could point that it might have been a quickie or you paused and had a second round. It could also mean that you first started with a hand job, oral. Taurus Mars could also mean your first time started with a blow job (Taurus rules throat). Like 8th house sign also comes into the consideration.

💙 Taurus Moon people love having a drink with them. They love a cup or glass in hands. Such as grabing a smoothie, a cup of coffee, tea or a matcha. It just comforts them.

💜 Pisces Venus looks really good in emerald green clothing.

🌌 I noticed that one MC that is really common among celebrities that almost never (or very rarely) receives hate is Taurus MC celebrities. Real life examples would be Emma Chamberlain, Selena Gomez, Emma Stone, Margot Robbie, Eddie Redmayne, Blake Lively, Gemma Arterton etc. These people are really, really loved by the public. Also sometimes Capricorn Venus or Venus in the 10th house, but not to the same extent as Taurus MC. They can’t do wrong in the public’s eye. It’s like it’s very NOT to like them.

💙 Virgo Lilith women enjoy wearing bows and ribbons in their hair.

💜 People with Gemini Descendant or Gemini over the 7th house often talk down on their own beauty. They might have really glowing skin, but would still say “Yeah, but it’s still not *perfect* looking skin”. Or they might point out more their “beauty/appearance quirks” (uneven teeth, frizzy hair etc.) just so that people don’t end up idealizing them too much or build expectations for them.

🌌 I noticed Capricorn Moons with time love more luxurious pieces, otherwise in younger years (before Saturn Return) they quite love rather cheap stuff.

💙If you have Gemini over the 7th house people can often question the character of your spouse, committed partner. If you have Gemini over the 4th house people can question your mother's character or that of your loved ones, close friends.

💜 Men with Libra Moon often feel threatened by beautiful, conventionally attractive women. However, they also have this deep need of satisfying perfect beauty so they often pick models as their partner or women that look well-balanced, harmonious and have striking physical features, which sometimes intimidates them even more.

🌌 Pluto in the 8th house people or Scorpio over the 8th house might have regrets if they quit a sport they were really passionate about. They have more guilt than others of not sticking with it.

💙 I can’t stress enough how important is for Cancer Moons and Moon in the 4th house to stay in touch with the things they grew up with. It soothes them the best and it really benefits their emotional and mental wellbeing. If you have this placements, watch movies or series you enjoyed when growing up, build a pillow fort, listen to top hits from that time that remind of childhood/teenage nostalgia.

💜 The public and people always want Virgo MC to leak that daily routine👀 Like people are so interested in how they spend their day and what their day-to-day life looks like.

🌌 Virgo Moon (but also Gemini Moon to a certain extent) can act very stingy in their home. They would keep the lights off just so that the electricity bill will be smaller.

💙 I noticed people that are the most consistent with daily work outs tend to have Capricorn Moon or Moon in the 10th house. Because they can detach from feelings, even when they don’t feel like working out.

💜 Leo Risings often end up doing a job, profession or have a career that doesn’t really feel like a regular job. It’s like one of their hobbies for them. They also are found in jobs where they entertain, not necessarily on stage, it can also be on a social media platform.

Credit goes to my Tumblr blog @astroismypassion

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isalisewrites · 13 days

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A Deep Dive into JKR's Terrible, Amateur Writing - Reflective Interlude

Hello and welcome to my ballsy series where I will prove to you, dear reader, that J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series and resident Twitter TERF, is actually a very, very poor writer.

And when I say ‘poor writer,’ I’m talking about her prose, her sentence structure, and her scenes in the Harry Potter series. I am not going to discuss anything about the HP world nor the overall plot of the books.

This is all about the nitty gritty in the craft of writing itself.

Part One Link.

Part Two Link.

However…

Hiya! *waves* I’m Isa, the author of this… Actually, I dunno what to call this series anymore. Anyway, thus far, you’ve heard a very satirical tone from me in the previous two posts, but that’s not my normal tone. I’m a rather laid back kind of gal with a side of sarcasm and deluge of emoji usage.

I have used quite a confident, even bombastically obnoxious tone in the effort to be entertaining and engaging with these posts. It was meant to be playful and sarcastic. It’s the internet, so I’m aware everyone’s attention is… kind of like a commodity, unfortunately. Look at TikTok or YouTube. How long does a 30s video hold your attention before you’re scrolling to the next? It depends for me, I’ll admit. People don’t have the attention span for long style posts such as these and that’s fair. Sometimes, I don’t either.

Thus, I used repeated ‘catch phases’ to maintain a rhythm and a thematic style through the series with a controversial title meant to hook a reader. I repeat the opening, even in this post. I repeat ‘Class is in session’ to show the beginning of the major section of the post.

However, in this interlude, I’ve toned it all down because I wanted to give you a window into my heart, my purpose, and my intent in this series. It is a reflective post that ends with writing motivation to you, my dear reader, as well as links to writerly resources.

I’ve had a lot to think about this week and I realized that many writers (and other creatives) have to battle against an enemy found within themselves. This enemy often torments many with cruel, destructive thoughts; they burrow their way into so many writers’ minds. It whispers: “Can you really do this? Are you really sure you’re any good? Aren’t you just fooling yourself? They’re going to find out you’re just a fraud. So… why bother?”

Whose voice is that?

Let’s talk about the destroyer of creation, Imposter Syndrome, why I refuse to let the bastard infect me anymore, and why my confident tone in previous posts has grated nerves.

Remember: take what resonates and leave what doesn’t.

(This means I write my posts with the honest acceptance and expectation that not everything will fit with your style, your vibes, or your personality. That’s okay.)

All right, let’s buckle up, my dear writing friends. Grab a snack. Hydrate. Let’s begin. And yes…

Class is in session on this little Tumblr post… should you wish to attend.

Having confidence or pride in one’s work seems to be taboo. Any brief moment in time where I tried to be proud about my writing or say, Hey, I’m a good writer, I was always told to be humble. “Don’t be prideful. Be humble.” It would often chip away at my self esteem. I could be a good writer, but I couldn’t allow myself to feel like a good writer.

But no more.

I have only given myself permission to be confident about my writing within the past month. This is why I started this series in the first place. I wanted to share knowledge and in an entertaining way. I make a bold claim that I’m a better writer than JKR; I analyze her writing to both improve my own understanding and to help others as well.

However, this does not mean I’ve ever been under the delusion I’m perfect. Absolutely not. God, that’s so fucking laughable! I am not perfect. I am not a perfect writer. I definitely don’t know everything. Someone once corrected me, informing me that snakes are venomous, not poisonous. Bless them, wasn’t aware of that. Immediately fixed that. One of the recent reblogs said geodes do not contain emeralds. God bless, I didn’t know that, though in the case of how it was used in TBG, I won’t be changing it since it’s within a character thought.

Sorry, Tom. I guess you need to take a geology class, too.

Ugh, and I have so many godforsaken typos. My soul withers when I catch a typo after I’ve posted a chapter. I miss things all the time. I repeat things because ‘that’s my thing’ and I don’t always catch them in my edits. I forget things all the time. Thank GOD for Dede, someone who loved TBG so much she spent countless hours archiving data from it, where she caught a number of inconsistencies and alerted me to them. I still haven’t been able to fix them yet, but I’m so grateful to her. I’ve noted them all down. Harry’s height often is incorrectly implied to be taller than it should be because my brain isn’t wired for imagery. My brain forgets TBG Harry is a short king at 5’4” while TBG Tom is 6’2” and I need to go back to fix all of those.

I am not a perfect writer and I don’t claim to be.

My goals with this series are to study/learn for myself, teach/share knowledge with others, and learn some more from this experience. I love this kind of analysis. But there’s difference between my analysis of JKR’s writing and a number of those who have retaliated with an analysis of my writing.

Instead of looking at my imperfections with the desire to learn from them, they were illuminated in the attempt to ‘take me down a notch.’ To those who put in the effort to make counterpoints, I do thank you for your contribution to this series. It is appreciated, even when given impolitely and with the intent to ‘put me in my place.’

Despite all of my errors and imperfections, I still stand by my statement: I am a better writer than J.K. Rowling.

Do you know who else is a better writer than her? I could list thousands of them. They’re fanfiction writers. They’re indie authors. They’re other traditional published authors. They are so many other writers that, yes, I do think are stronger writers than JKR.

And you’re a better writer, too, so long as you wish it.

I sincerely want you to believe that.

Why? Because it’s clear within the Harry Potter series that JKR did not make attempts to grow as a writer. She just wrote. Perhaps she was under deadlines, but the lack of editing is pretty apparent to me. When you write a lot, you will inevitably get more skilled over time, but you have to actively be seeking improvement to see drastic change in your own skill. It is this lack of drive that I see within her work. She’s not making attempts to push the boundaries of her abilities and skills with each new book.

I’m not at the end of my journey of learning. I never will be. I love expanding my skills. I’m even learning during the process of writing these posts, too. I’m seeing more weaknesses in my own work and I’m now thinking on ways to strengthen my writing even further.

That’s the point of this series.

In the end, it’s not really about me. No, really, it’s not about me. I truly think it’s about the jealousy of seeing another writer be confident in their work. You see, I’m not supposed to be confident; I’m not supposed to act like I can help and teach others to write. How dare I. Posting anything about my work is an act of attention seeking. I’m supposed to be ‘humble.’ I’m supposed to be silent. I’m supposed to wave a shy, dismissive hand at compliments.

Why?

Why is being proud of one’s work and loving one’s own work such a controversial idea?

Imposter Syndrome often cripples creators. There’s already so much self doubt and anxiety in the world, but Imposter Syndrome can really wreck with a creator’s mind. It’s a poison. It stops you from creating what you love most. When you believe you aren’t good enough, then it becomes harder to try. Your belief becomes truth to you, whether or not it was true in reality in the first place. Perhaps, you sink into depression. You become anxious about sharing anything, for fear anyone might say even the slightest negative comment. The heart becomes fragile and brittle, and the muscle which builds skill atrophies over time. You see your work through a lens of self hate. You can only see flaws.

“I will never be good enough.”

When you’re in this state of mind, it’s hard to see the truth about your work.

But let me promise you something: your writing is far more beautiful than you realize.

In spirit, all creative writing is perfect to me with all of its typos and mistakes (yes, even all of the Harry Potter books!), but no single work is objectively perfect. There will always be room to improve your creation because you’re constantly growing. It’s why so many aspiring novelists fall into an endless cycle of editing their first few chapters. The more they write, the more they improve; thus, when they go back to their earlier chapters, they get stuck trying to update those chapters instead of pushing forward to the finish line.

Your work is valuable, no matter what. It’s beautiful. You’re allowed to love your work. You’re allowed to see the good in it and you’re allowed to have confidence in yourself. You’re allowed to say to yourself and to others, I’m a damn good writer.

You deserve to have love, for yourself and for your art.

I have often sincerely complimented other writers and, many times, after they respond with their thanks, it becomes clear to me they’re not confident in their work, yet they have still bravely shared it with us.

I’m so proud of them. Thank you for your bravery.

My heart breaks for them, too. They’re such good writers—such damn good writers. And I wish they knew and believed this.

I will always do everything in my power to encourage others.

How do you feel about your writing? Do you like your writing? You should. You really should because it is good. You created it, after all. There will always be space to grow and refine your craft, of course, but you are a good writer now. You’re going to be a better writer tomorrow and the next day, so long as you desire this growth in yourself. There’s no destination, though. There’s no magic level you have to reach before you’re allowed to have some confidence in yourself and your abilities. The only trap to avoid is remaining stagnant. Writing is a skill. Writing is a craft. This means it gets better through study and practice.

You can achieve that.

I know it’s hard, though. There are so many naysayers in life. There are so many people waiting to attack and bring others down, both on the internet and in our own families. How many precious fanfics have been lost because a writer received horrible, hateful comments? How many writers have disappeared from the internet because of this cruelty? We have lost many in all fandoms. That is unacceptable to me.

Uplift others. Spread love, not hate.

You’re allowed to be proud about your work, imperfect as it may be. Please, I beg you, don’t let the negative voices of others—including your own!—drag you down and steal the joy of creating. I know it’s so very, very hard to stand strong against such voices. Words have power, but you have more. Resist the naysayers.

What you have to offer the world is precious. Please lift your head and acknowledge that what you create is good. It’s great. It’s amazing. It’s fucking fantastic. You’re not an imposter nor a fraud. No one can offer what you can to the world. No one can write the stories you have in your head the way you can. Your style is unique to you. You’re allowed to love it as it is now and you’re allowed to love it whatever form it takes in the future.

Imposter Syndrome is a thief; toss it into jail and throw away the key.

My writing is not perfect and it never will be, but I’m a better writer today than I was ten years ago. I’m a seeker of my own growth. I’m often reading books on writing and watching YouTube videos on writing. I absorb it all because writing is my truest love and passion. My style has evolved from reading endless amount of novels and fanfics. I devour both.

But I wasted a decade thinking I didn’t have what it takes.

And life is short. I can’t waste anymore time.

Don’t be like past Isa, please.

There’s a difference in refinement between an episodic fanfic posted over the course of years and a traditional novel published in whole, but I still stand by my work. I recognize my style will not be enjoyed by all those who read it. It’s okay if you don’t like my style. I’m eternally grateful for the many readers who do love my writing. I’m humbled and honored by the sheer volume of people who have commented, bookmarked, and have left kudos on my work. Thank you.

My style has evolved into what it is today due to a combination of two things.

I have ADHD. It’s why my style uses smaller paragraphs as a whole.

I have aphantasia. I lack a mind that can visualize pictures. I literally cannot see anything in my mind. When people say, “I can picture it in my mind,” that’s not me. I cannot at all. When there’s a lack of description in prose, it feels blank and empty to me. This is why I use vivid descriptions in the way I do because otherwise I feel nothing from my work.

It’s okay if this style doesn’t work for you. I love my style because it caters to what I need. I also love other styles that don’t use as much description; however, I can’t always follow what’s happening because of the wiring of my brain. I can get lost sometimes, but I still appreciate their style because I can’t effectively do what they can.

If you find no value in my style and what I offer in this series here, then that’s okay. I’m not offended. This series is for those who benefit from it. For you, there are so many other writers out there from whom you can learn and I’m more than happy to send you in the direction that benefits you the most.

Here’s a list of YouTubers you might find interesting.

ShaelinWrites has been working on many unpublished projects through the years and has lots of great discussion videos on writing.

Abbie Emmons is a self published author with solid writing advice in all of her videos.

Alexa Donne is a traditionally published author with great insider information into the traditional publishing world.

Ellen Brock is a professional editor. She knows her stuff.

I hesitantly suggest Jenna Moreci and her content on YouTube because I think she has some major weaknesses in her writing. Many others have seen this about her books. However, she is a successful indie author and her YouTube content has a lot of value.

Brandon Sanderson has an entire college course in a playlist on his channel. It’s a fabulous free resource if you vibe with his style of writing. Highly recommend.

Here’s a list of writing books I recommend.

Elements of Fiction Writing, a five book series. My TOP recommendation is Elements of Fiction Writing - Beginnings, Middles & Ends.

Sin and Syntax: How to Craft Wicked Good Prose

Let the Crazy Child Write!: Finding Your Creative Writing Voice

Novelist's Essential Guide to Crafting Scenes

All right then.

Thank you for sticking around. I hope you accept this post in the good faith it was given and was always given in the previous posts. Next post, I’ll be returning to my playful satirical tone. Hehe~!

Please do the world the greatest of favors and write. Create. Share your fanfiction. Become best selling authors, traditional or indie. I promise you’re far more capable and skilled than you realize.

Until next time.

Isa

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writing-for-life · 2 months

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Right, okay, I’ve thought long and hard whether to write this:

A squick (even a strong one) is not the same as a trigger.

Emotional discomfort, even emotional discomfort that leads to low-level physical symptoms like e.g. mild nausea, is not trauma. Unfortunately, TikTok pop psych has done nothing to help people understand the difference, because the trend to perceive (even strong) emotional discomfort as equivalent to a trauma response is worrying and neither helps people with nor without PTSD. I don’t wish it on anyone to actually find out the difference if they haven’t yet (disclaimer, since this is unfortunately necessary these days because everything gets misconstrued: I am not talking about individual experiences, because only you can know about those. I’m talking about wider trends in an often young audience with not enough background info to be able to tell apart sound medical/psychological info and viral BS created by “influencers” for some kind of personal gain).

What people in the current fandom spat want to have tagged as “triggers” are overwhelmingly squicks. And we’re probably all guilty of quickly saying “that triggered me”, myself included (and I’m a licensed psychotherapist, shame on me). It has become somewhat of a shorthand for “extremely annoyed or grossed out”. But when it gets used in the context of tagging, it’s good to remember that no one owes us a tag list the length of our arm just because we don’t like certain things. Even if we strongly dislike them.

And even on the occasion someone else’s yuck or yum is an actual trigger for us, it is impossible to cover for every possible trigger, because in theory, EVERYTHING has the possibility to trigger someone somewhere.

E.g., a certain smell in a supermarket holds the rare possibility of triggering someone, but do you see disclaimers at the supermarket door that say, “May smell of 484 different things, which are in detail [list of 484 things] and might be different tomorrow. Plus, we might have a customer today who smells of that perfume that brings up your triggering childhood memories. Or maybe we won’t, but just on the odd chance we do, we thought we’d rather cover it”.

There might be one person with a very specific trigger that does literally nothing to the vast majority of people. Do we expect everyone on Tumblr to tag for “eyebrows” or “white T-Shirt” because of that? How about that person just puts “eyebrows” or “white T-Shirt” in their content filter instead?

Do we really suggest to put that type of responsibility on creators? More importantly: Who are we protecting that way? All we do is put people into bubble wrap and shift responsibility for our mental wellbeing away from ourselves to others.

We are trying to tell other people what to do for our own comfort. That’s controlling.

If we’re squicked out by something, there is a simple solution: we can stop looking or reading. We can use content (not tag) filters. In the worst case, we can block. We don’t have to put that type of responsibility for our personal sensitivities on creators (or people who reblog, for that matter).

We can tag for certain things as a courtesy, I’m all for it. I love being able to filter out stuff I’m not into, and I sometimes wish people would tag better or not tag a certain way (getting ship tags for a ship you’re not into slapped on your character-metas is annoying 🤣). But I don’t die, neither does it cause me unbearable distress, if I see cows where I don’t expect them. Scroll past or block. And if I’m worried about mature topics like nudity or violence: Tumblr has a community label for mature themes you can (and in my view should) use if in doubt. Funnily enough, many people don’t do that though—maybe because they worry about reach?

Of course we should include content warnings where they are due, no one says we shouldn’t. It’s also fair if a creator doesn’t wish to do that beyond general warnings (no specifics) though because they might give away, say, major plot points that way. In that case, general disclaimers like “contains depictions of violence”, or whatever it might be individually, are a good idea. And if that’s not specific enough for us despite knowing that “violence” in general might also contain our personal trigger, we might need to make the decision not to read it to stay safe, but we shouldn’t have a go at the writer for not tagging very specific things that might be considered spoilers.

Long story short: If we assume people are “triggered” by werewolves with vulvas or non-human characters, it might be worth thinking about whether we’re just talking about squicks that very much fall into the category of “personal responsibility”. And there are plenty solutions to that at our end—we don’t need to put that on creators…

#fandom problems #fandom entitlement #fandom stuff #squicks #vs #triggers #tagging #being grossed out or strongly disliking is uncomfortable #but it’s not the same as being triggered

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dostoyevsky-official · 15 days

Note

hi i have followed the letby case very casually for years but yeah - casually - so i might not be up to date. for what its worth the post you made about the case was very illuminating, however i do believe that one of the biggest pieces of evidence was her journal where she wrote about how she's a monster because she killed the kids? again like ofc i agree that people write weird shit in their journals for whatever reason but i do remember that this was like. a big thing in the case. idk i thought its worth mentioning.

this was brought up in the article

The police spent the day searching her house. Inside, they found a note with the heading “NOT GOOD ENOUGH.” There were several phrases scrawled across the page at random angles and without punctuation: “There are no words”; “I can’t breathe”; “Slander Discrimination”; “I’ll never have children or marry I’ll never know what it’s like to have a family”; “WHY ME?”; “I haven’t done anything wrong”; “I killed them on purpose because I’m not good enough to care for them”; “I AM EVIL I DID THIS.” On another scrap of paper, she had written, three times, “Everything is manageable,” a phrase that a colleague had said to her. At the bottom of the page, she had written, “I just want life to be as it was. I want to be happy in the job that I loved with a team who I felt a part of. Really, I don’t belong anywhere. I’m a problem to those who do know me.” On another piece of paper, found in her handbag, she had written, “I can’t do this any more. I want someone to help me but they can’t.” She also wrote, “We tried our best and it wasn’t enough.” After spending all day in jail, Letby was asked why she had written the “not good enough” note. A police video shows her in the interrogation room with her hands in her lap, her shoulders hunched forward. She spoke quietly and deferentially, like a student facing an unexpectedly harsh exam. “It was just a way of me getting my feelings out onto paper,” she said. “It just helps me process.” “In your own mind, had you done anything wrong at all?” an officer asked. “No, not intentionally, but I was worried that they would find that my practice hadn’t been good,” she said, adding, “I thought maybe I had missed something, maybe I hadn’t acted quickly enough.” “Give us an example.” She proposed that perhaps she “hadn’t played my role in the team. I’d been on a lot of night shifts when doctors aren’t around. We have to call them. There are less people, and it just worried me that I hadn’t called them—quick enough.” She also worried that she might have given the wrong dose of a medication or used equipment improperly. “And you felt evil?” “Other people would perceive me as being evil, yes, if I had missed something.” She went on, “It’s how this situation made me feel.”

In an interview two days later, an officer asked why one of her notes had the word “hate” in bold letters, circled. “What’s the significance of that?” “That I hate myself for having let everybody down and for not being good enough,” she said. “I’d just been removed from the job I loved, I was told that there might be issues with my practice, I wasn’t allowed to speak to people.” The officer asked again why she had written, “I killed them on purpose.” “That’s how I was being made to feel,” she said. As her mental health deteriorated, her thoughts had spiralled. “If my practice hadn’t been good enough and I was linked with these deaths, then it was my fault,” she said. “You’re being very hard on yourself there if you haven’t done anything wrong.” “Well, I am very hard on myself,” she said.

if writing strange thoughts down was good enough evidence to convict, half of tumblr's userbase would be in prison

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wangxianficfinder · 1 month

Text

Fics Still Missing part 5

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These fics are still missing suggestions!

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1. Hello~ For the next fic finder I’m looking for this wangxian modern au fic. Established relationship and there’s also background xuanli. I don’t remember exactly how but a-yuan dies and the fic deals with what happens after (a-yuan is a toddler in the fic). Wwx takes it very badly but they slowly start to heal. I would be really really glad if you could find it for me! Thank you and have a nice day ♡ @/vntaebun #6 of post

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2. Looking for a fic where Wangxian starts dating because LWJ sent an anonymous ask to a Tumblr blog, which WWX saw. I think the blog was the xxx-culture-is type blog? #11 of post

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3. Hello! I was wondering if any of you know a fic where during the Cloud Recesses Arc, WWX was working on some arrays? And I think QHJ has been the one to help WWX with them since he himself specialised in arrays but I don’t remember if it might have been a time travel fix-it or not, sorry that I don’t have much details :( in the event of not knowing which fic this is, do you happen to know any fics where QHJ emerges from seclusion to be more proactive in the story without him being portrayed negatively? Thank you for all your help, have a good day, mods! #16 of post

FOUND? the time traveling letter series by MichelleFeather (G, 26k, WangXian, LSZ & LWJ & WWX, LWJ & QHJ, Time Travel Fix-It, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Sad LWJ, Genius WWX, QHJ Lives, Parents WangXian, Not Jiāng Family Friendly, First Meetings, Love Confessions, Love Letters, Wangxian say 'fuck it' and leave the cultivation world, Requited Love, Not LXC Friendly, Not LQR Friendly, kind of, Good Father QHJ, Angry LWJ, Married WangXian, Established WangXian, LWJ & WWX Are LSZ's Parents, QHJ Lives, Good Father QHJ, WangXian Wedding, Sunshot Campaign, Abusive Jiang Family, Jiang Family Dynamics, Not JFM & YZY Friendly, WWX Creates a Sect | Yiling Wei Sect, Kinda) in it QHJ emerges from seclusion to be more proactive and in the second story he uses arrays

FOUND? The Tamed by Escheria (T, 459k, WangXian, LWJ/XZ, WYB/WWX, YiZhan, WIP, YLLZ WWX, The Untamed (TV) References, Overpowered WWX,XZ is WWX, Canon Divergence, Transmigration, Isekai, Demonic Cultivation, Genius WWX, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Fluff, Soulmates) the search for QHJ and him being a master of the CR Arrays, i am 99% sure, its The Tamed, the huge story that is at 460,000 words and ongoing its this story, from chapter 56 ff on, he appears at the end, WWX and QHJ, they both bond over the arrays, that they created to protect CR.

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4. hello! for the next fic finder, can you guys help me find this fic where wwx is in lan sect after sunshot with lan qiren researching about something (i forgot if lqr knew about his core, i think they’re’re searching scrolls abt cores, idk) then there’s a specific scene where they accused wwx on putting the hundred holes curse, then i think someone demanded that wwx should open his robes. lan qiren defended him that wwx is with him that past few days and that he’s not the one who put the curse. #17 of post

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5. Modern au too I think? I only remember Lwj saw wwx burying a dead body (i think it was wen chao) and assist him on it. #7B of post

NOT FOUND! release me from the present by merlinnn

FOUND? 🔒 The inherent romanticism of hiding a body together by Aki_no_hikari (T, 4k, WangXian, First Meetings, Love at First Sight, Modern, Corpse Desecration, Corpse Disposal, Pigs, dark Wangxian)

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6. Hello! Good day! I hope you can help me find this fic. I don’t know if it is a time-travel fic or not. All I can remember is that Madam Yu got pregnant and the sect leader, jiang yanli, jiang cheng, and wwx were happy. But eventually they learned that madam yu cheated (i forgot if its a wen or not) so the baby is actually not sect leader jiang’s child. I think they learned this after the masscre of lotus pier when madam yu ranaway. #19 of post

FOUND? 💖 A Chance by CorkaHadesa (M, 86k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Sunshot Campaign, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, Canon Divergence, Established WangXian, Married WangXian, Secret Marriage, OOC, Second Chances, YLLZ WWX, Homophobic Language, but only from YZY so it's not that important because she's a bad person, i don't agree with her words, Minor Character Death, Happy Ending, Mpreg, Not Everyone Dies AU, the dead ones are the bad ones)

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7. Hi!! There is this fic I want to reread, it’s post canon 5+1 ish (???) fic but I remember only one scene, which is in some female lan disciple’s pov where she joined wangxian with other lan disciples on a nighthunt (and she was very happy to join cuz nighthunt with wangxian = good learning experience), it goes well but wwx gets some scraps on his hands (I think) and when it was all done and they were going to rest she sees how lwj kisses wwx’s fingers, wwx swoons, the female lan disciples gets flustered over how sweetly in love wx are and wishes she would get a partner that would care for her the same way (or just wishes to find a love like that idk) #4 of post

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8. Hello! For fic finder, can you help me find a fic where WWX time travel to the past before massacare of lotus pier. It’s a short fic that i only remember the part that close to ending. After the war, the jiang fight other sect to let WWX live in LP. He is depressed and only start smiling when a-yuan who just a newborn crying non stop and WWX volunter himself to try calm down a-Yuan. Since then he start healing. I think it has 4 chapters and YZY dan JFM lived (i'am not sure about this). Thank you!!! @/idontknowwhattowriteforusername #7 of post

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9. Hi hello, can you please help me find a wangxian fanfic wherein lan zhan was forced be remarried to a girl? (I’m not sure) after their marriage lan zhan rarely comes back to gusu because of that his relationship with his new wife is cold he don’t acknowledge her and he doesn’t talk to her, then wei ying comebacks lan zhan knows that this is his wei ying because he played wang xian, lan zhan brings back wei ying to gusu and wei ying finds out that he is married and was devastated #14 of post

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10. Hello, I can’t find a fic that is a retelling of svsss with mdzs characters that I’ve read last year. As far as I remember the fic was from wwx’s pov, and there were a lot of interactions with ‘the system’. The 'novel’ is not the same one from svsss, but is mdzs itself; and wwx has to try to not die as the yllz(?) I think. @freetospreadwywings #15 of post

FOUND? Achievement Unlocked 🔓 by UseMyMuse (E, 85k, WangXian, A/B/O, Transmigration, Crack, Sassy System, Canonical Character Death, Reincarnation/Transmigration, Bamf WWX, From twitter to AO3, mild to major violence briefly mentioned, Mild/brief mentions of torture, Kidnapping, Accidental Child Acquisition)

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11. I remember this fic where Yu Ziyuan left Jiang Fengmian and took Wei Wuxian with her, and I think it was Madam Yu/Madam Jin and JFM/ two others I think?? I could be remembering the pairings wrong, anyway I was hoping to find it again and maybe even other fics where Yu Ziyuan leaves and takes Wei Wuxian with her if there are any 😺 #20 of post

FOUND? @/ireallydontknow made a new post by sadlybeans (M, 50k, WangXian, JC/NHS, LXC/NMJ, LQR/WRH/JFM, WQ/MM, YZY/Madam Jin/Madam Lan, SL/XXC, MXY/XY, JYL/OFC(s), JZX/SS, Crack, Fluff and Humor, Modern Cultivation, Social Media, NHS is an influencer now (or trying to be), NMJ wants to trade brothers with LXC, Mutual Pining, Light Angst, Trans Male Character)

FOUND? 🔒 go forward slowly by LadyKG (Not Rated, 47k, YZY/Madam Jin, WangXian, WIP, YZY and madam jin run away together, and take all the kids, like ALL the kids, and become better mothers, they find themselves again, and their happiness, Happy Ending, lots of night hunts, Lots of mysteries)

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12. Hi, I was wondering if you could help me find a ff. It’s one where Wei comes back to the past with his memories and saves his parents from the night hunt and he works w/ his parents to prevent the war and prevent Lan Zhan’s mom and dad from dying. from what i can remember wei ying doesn’t become close to the jiang fam this time around and they make the burial grounds into like a sect or something similar because his father owns the land. And they meet his father’s family. Thank you!! @/thepaththatleadsyouhome #3 of post

FOUND? Time Charm by Jenrose (E, 141k, wangxian, later queerplatonic LWJ/WWX/WQ, LXC/JGY/2nd Madam Mo, time travel fix-it, post-canon, everyone lives au, genius inventor WWX, BAMF wangxian, first time, pregnancy, childbirth, asexual character, aftermath of time travel, telepathic bond, slice of life)

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13. Hey, can you help me find this fic? I think it’s called “Breathing Underwater” and it was a rare pair ship b/w Black Water Sinking Ships and Yilling Louzu. He Xuan used to call the later his LianHua. @utxqia #4 of post

FOUND? 🔒 Breathing Underwater by Suzoomie (G, 7k, HX/WWX, WangXian, TGCF Crossover, Canon Divergence, most mdzs characters appear or are mentioned, Possessive Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Multiple Pov, Rarepair)

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14. Hi! I don’t know if I have the right to ask it here since its a comic fic. But I’m really desperate to find it. (A fic is a fic 😊 ~Mod L)

The comic fic is about Alpha LXC and Alpha JWY. I remember the two have a thing and they have a proposition that once they met their fated mate, they will end what they have. I remember in the end it turns dark since LXC actually killed his fated mate and JWY fated mate (secretly) to be with JWY. #9 of post

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15. Hi! I’m sorry for the bother. I would like to ask if you this fic. I only remember briefly about it. Wei Wuxian and Jin Ling are in Lotus Pier. I remember Jiang Wanyin gave lotus pork soup to both of then and wei wuxian commented that the soup taste like Jiang Yanli. Jin Ling was shocked because he didn’t know that the soup his jiujiu makes for him was actually his mom’s recipe. I also remember (not uste if it right) jiang wanyin saying to them that he tried to perfect them for his own comfort and for Jin Ling. Thank you very much #15 of post

FOUND? two million naturally occurring sweet things by theheartofthekoko (T, 3k, JC & WWX, JC & JL, JL & WWX, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, love and grief in the form of making soup)

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16. Hi! I’ve been looking for a fanfiction where wwx time traveled in the past but he didn’t know and he just woke up in lotus pier and he roamed around for a bit and noticed a crack or something on the floor which wasn’t there before because lotus pier was renovated and then jiang cheng called him and the he hugged him cause apparently he died in a night hunt and i can’t remember the next. Can you help me find it? Thank you #4 of post

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17. Fic Finder: The story has WWX wheelchair-bound (because his legs are weak from his days being a street orphan) he eventually makes himself some cool mech legs (inspiration from past Jiang elders, in this story the Jiangs have a lot of disabled leaders. I remember there’s a blind elder using war fans and another using something similar like an assassination chord, another also lost their fingers/limbs thus made themselves mechparts). I know i said mech a lot but it’s not mech, i remember the story said it’s made of wood or something else.

Xue Yang is also in the family as WWX’s brother/guide/bodyguard and they went to CR for the teachings, the Biling Lake still happens and WWX (like a true diver he is) went for a swim and his mech legs kinda absorbs the resentful energy? The details were that his mech legs has glowing yellow runes, and it turned red after that incident. #10 of post

FOUND? Injuries Won't Hold Him Back by Cinder46231 (T, 32k, WangXian, WIP, Wheelchairs, WWX is in a wheelchair, XY is WWX's brother too, Paternal YZY, We have genius children)

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18. WWX was married(?) to WRH but it was from NMJ’s pov. WWX helped the SSC secretly, but still thought he would be killed. #16A of post

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19. hiiii i’ve been looking for a fic i believe it was omegaverse but im not completely sure

all i remember was that wei ying was betrothed to JC but then their engagement was dissolved and eventually wangxian got engaged

i remember there was a scene in which wei ying was staying at lotus pier and jiang cheng and madame yu try to burn wei ying alive because they don’t like that he got engaged to someone else.

thank u for all ur help🫶🏼 #18 of post

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20. Hello there, sorry to bother all of you again, but I’m searching for this one fic

It’s set in modern time. So it tells the story of like WY was in a abusive relationship with someone who’s older than him and he got out of it.

The story begins like how he was jn the hospital because of it. Lan xichen was his doctor. And i remember that he was admitted because he was hit with a wine bottle i think.

In the story WY was like not allowed to go outside of his abusive boyfriend apartment and there’s a little bit grooming.

And this boyfriend was JYL friend, he’s an original character i think.

And the story continues with the recovery and there’s this scene where Su She grab his hand at a supermarket? and it reminded him of his ex and i think he panicked.

If you can help me I’ll be really happy. Thank you @lil-dusty-rose #20 of post

FOUND! daffodils to ambrosia by AvoOwO (M, 83k, WangXian, JC & WWX & JYL, WQ & WWX, NHS & WWX, WWX/OC, LXC & WWX, LXC & JC, WIP, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Modern, Florist WWX, Flowers, Language of Flowers, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Manipulation, Emotional Manipulation, Abuse, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Grooming, Past Sexual Assault, Past Sexual Abuse, Domestic Violence, Tenderness, Blood, Violence, Crushes, Blushing, PTSD, Trauma, Hurt WWX, Soft WangXian, Gentleness, Recovery, Healing, Dissociation, Chronic Pain, Headaches & Migraines, WWX Has PTSD, WWX Has a Crush, LWJ Has a Crush, LWJ Has Feelings, Good Sibling JC, Protective JC, Good Sibling JYL, Forehead Kisses, Panic Attacks, Neck Kissing, Dubious Consent, Memories, Abusive Relationships, Kissing, the love of flowers, and healing with time)

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21. Looking for a vampire WWX/Hunter LWJ fic, that started with LWJ kneeling for the marriage ceremony and being bit, then the rest after that involved LWJ trying to keep away from WWX for his own good before they both get together. LWJ stays human. I think I found it on AO3? @/bcaugust

It’s not the right one(though it is one of my favorites and really close to the same vibe.) I also remember that the vampire bite would scar to indicate a spouse, if that helps anyone. #9 of post

Not FOUND! I Think Sunshine Would Treat Me Kind by vassal101

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22. Hi!

So I’m looking for a fic that I can’t find where I can’t remember what exactly happened, but it goes something like this;

Lwj and Wwx are sleeping, Lwj gets a nightmare, and he doesn’t tell Wwx about it, but he figures it out anyway and then Wwx waits to see whether Lwj will go back to sleep or have sex. They have rough sex in which Wwx specifically requests that he doesn’t want to come. And then they talk (I think it was just outside on a porch or something?) And then Lwj fingers him and gets him off.

I’m sorry I don’t remember more, I think it was one chapter and I’m really desperately trying to find this fic. If you could find it it would be much appreciated!!

Thank you! #10 of post

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23. I think wwx was a ghost, & found himself at the Cloud Recesses in the aftermath of lwj’s punishment. Lwj was in bad condition and almost died (a couple of times?) Eventually there was some sort of ritual to bring wwx back into a physical body, & he was in the adjoining room bc he was also very weak. (NB: this is not the fic where wwx is actually astral projecting from Baoshan Sanren’s mountain, it’s a different one). #17A of post

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24.

Looking for a fic where the focus iirc was more on LWJ teaching/raising lan juniors to express their emotions healthily.

Sorry, I don’t think it’s To be of use, I remember it being something shorter. Also WWX came back towards the later part of it. #20 of post

not FOUND! To be of use by Erisette

FOUND? Gathered Herbs & Sweet Grasses by hansbekhart (Not Rated, 19k, LSZ & LWJ, WangXian, dad wangji, LWJ’s Questionable Parenting Skills, Grief/Mourning, Recovery, Injury Recovery, Hopeful Ending, Canon-Typical Violence)

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25. Hiiiiii thanks for everything you do ✨✨ I’m looking for a fic where LWJ is an angel and WWX was his partner but he is believed to be dead (after a mission??) but he is actually in the burial mounds with (WN and WQ??) and A-Yuan and he give him his « light » to save him??? Also something is trying to kill him or the wen. It’s a bit confusing I’m sorry can you help ??? 🥺✨ @/ihaveasoftspotfora-yuan #2 of post

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26. Hi! I am looking for a WangXian fic on AO3 that (honestly I don’t remember much because I read it a long time ago) but it was a gathering of some sort and wei wuxian wasn’t feeling that well ( u know when his magic is on edge), and something triggered it to go haywire so he started to run but like it had already gotten out of control n everyone was watching him in pain, trying to control, n how Lan zhan helped him. @/nisooom #4 of post

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27. Hi! Thank you for all your hard work!! I’ve been searching for MONTHS for a fic that follows the general first scenes of WWX’s resurrection, except because LWJ is so quick to bring him back to Gusu, he assumes LWJ and MXY were secret lovers? Or assumes that LWJ likes him, and has to wrestle with what that means to him? If anyone knows this story, I am BEGGING for the link :’D #6 of post

FOUND? Love Song In Reverse by timetoboldlygo (T, 237k, WangXian, Amnesia, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Falling In Love, Slow Burn, agressively mixing and matching novel and cql canon, No Homophobia, Mentions of Starvation, Parental WWX)

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28. Hello! I dont know if I should label this as fic finder or ITMF or maybe both. its a fic where lwj and lxc compete for wwx’s heart. i know that ive read one like this but i cant find it anymore [its a series where wwx died right, then when he came back, lxc said to lwj that if wwx chose him before, lxc will stand beside him (talking about the siege)] #8 of post

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29. Hello again. I’m hoping to find a fic of someone transmigrating into Yu Ziyuan. WWX calls her “Spirit Auntie” and she works to help him overcome his fear of dogs by getting him a bunny named “Dog” and a puppy named “Bunny”. If it was deleted then, oh well. Thank you for helping anyway. @/gwencaer #15 of post

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30. For the next fic finder - I’m looking for a fic where LZ (unintentionally) was harming wwx (I think mostly by reputation - maybe for seemingly being promiscuous or disparaging his demonic cultivation?) and NHS yelled at him. I wish I remember more but at this time I think i’ve mixed it up with like 4 wildly different fics. I mostly just remember writing the review that I was pleased someone had finally clued LZ to the harm he was doing and that I was excited to see him try to fix it. Thanks! @/math-is-magic #17 of post

NOT FOUND! Story-Shaped by lingering_song

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31. hello! I’m looking for a WIP, abo, royalty au fic where the main pairing was lsz/jl with background emperor!lwj/empress!wwx. the summary was that o!jin ling had been warned away by jc from the royal fam his entire life bc of empress!wwx’s supposed role in jyl’s death, but, when he goes to the capital, meets and starts falling in love with a!prince!lan sizhui (to his own displeasure). in one scene, jl is going through his heat, lsz smells him and drops his sword running away. wwx and lwj had three kids, and one of the later chapters revealed that wwx was pregnant again. i’m pretty sure it’s been deleted/hidden bc it doesn’t come up in any of the relevant tags, but I’d be deeply grateful if someone has a link to it on the way back machine or something similar. thank you for your help! #18 of post

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32. Hi, looking for the fic where LZ and WY are in college. Lan Zhan is engaged to Jin Zixuan, Wei Ying valets at a party at the Jins. He helps a drunk LZ who was attending it drive home and things develop from there. They don’t know each other personally but do after that night. I read this fic once couple of yrs ago, can’t seem to find it again. Pls help, thanks! #19 of post

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33. For fic finder: It was set in canon era, WangXian. Golden cores were literal orb-like jewels that could be cut out of a cultivator’s chest, thus creating the opportunity for an illegal poaching trade. There was a scene where Wen Chao gleefully cut out Jiang Cheng’s, and I think he also took Wuxian’s. During the Sunshot Campaign when JC and LWJ get their swords back they also find the room of stolen cores, and are shocked to find WWX’s. Anyone know this one? Please! #20 of post

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34. Hey, I’m looking for a fanfic in which LWJ assuming that he somehow impregnated WWX in his dreams when WWX says that he birthed Wen Yuan, I remember reading this fanfic on ao3, but I can’t find it. There’s a fanfic that looks like the one I want. called Taking Responsibility, but it’s not what I’m looking for. please if anyone knows, help me 😭😭😭😭😭 @/narablackpotter #1 of post

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35. Hello again!!!

I need help finding a fic please!

I don’t remember much but I know that wwx and the juniors were on a night hunt or something when they came across some type of dog-like yao. Wwx fought it by himself even though he was scared shitless and I think he did something to restrain or protect the juniors so they couldn’t help him. I think he got injured and all the juniors were worrying over him. Sorry if this isn’t descriptive enough. It’s all I can remember 🥲 thanks in advance!!! @jikcf #11 of post

FOUND? heroic aftermath by Last_for_Hell (T, 5K, LSZ & WWX, JL & WWX, LJY & WWX, OYZZ & WWX, JL & LSZ & LJY & OYZZ, WangXian, Aftermath of Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt WWX, the juniors love wwx and he loves them too, Guilt, References to WWX’s Cynophobia, Implied Sexual Content)

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36. hi hi! Im trying to look for a wangxian fic but i barely remember anything of it.

the only thing i remember was the near ending where wwx is in a hospital bed and mutters “fuck me” and lwj “maybe later”

that’s all i remember i’m so sorry 😔 #12 of post

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37. Hii! For the next fic finder can you help me with this fic where after WY resurrection lWJ is happy but at the same time has moments where he’s annoyed by WY but then he also feels guilty about it cause he should just be happy WY is back after all. It follows the canon, mostly, it just has more LZ POV #14 of post

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38. I’m looking for a fic where the night after Wei Ying tries to run away and is brought back by the Jiang children, someone (either Madam Yu or the Head Disciple) mentions they’ll need to talk to the night watch, because 'three children shouldn’t be able to slip away at separate times without being noticed’ (Not quite a direct quote but alpng those lines.) #17 of post

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39. Hi, I’m looking for a fic where Wei Ying has amnesia and thinks hes a ghost who haunts lotus pier and is really out of it and convinced hes dead. Good ending, just cant find it. @quxxnrandonmness27 #18 of post

FOUND? can't find a way home by KouriArashi (M, 109k, WangXian, JC & JYL, JC & JYL & LWJ, LXC/JGY, WWX & WQ, JYL/JZX, JC/WQ, Canon Divergence, Angst, Family, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Politics, Family Feels, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Developing Relationship, Canon-Typical Violence, canon-typical political bullshit, Mental Health Issues, Eventual Happy Ending, Descriptions of suicide,(caused by dark magic))

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40. I am looking for a fic for a while. It would be really great if you are able to find it. There was a scene where a a baby Lan sect disciple challenges LWJ for a duel to marry WWX. It was an adorable scene where the lan child confuses WWX platonic cheek kiss and concludes that he has to fight for his Wei-qianbei’s honour (even though he is intimidated by Hanguang-jun). Thank you in advance!!

Hello it’s the requester for no. 19 from the recent fic finder. Thank you so much for the quick response. The fic you found was really similar to the one I was looking for and I enjoyed it. Although it was not the fic I had in mind(I guess it is a scene from a larger work or it may be deleted). But, nevertheless I really a thankful for the mods and others who are so enthusiastic and helpful!!! I hope you have a great day!! #19 of post

not FOUND A Small Love by JTHM_Michi

NOT FOUND could be a scene in 🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 803k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement)

FOUND! A marriage duel. by satans_dolly_boy666 (G, 2k, WWX & OC(s), LSZ & LJY, WangXian, WWX-centric, Shameless WWX, Duelling, Marriage Proposal, Marriage, Same-Sex Marriage, Married Couple, Married Life, Married Characters, So Married, Gusu Lan Sect, Gūsū Lán Disciples, Cute Kids, Teaching, Senior WWX, Gusu Lan juniors, Gusu Lan dialect, Misunderstandings, LQR is done, Cloud Recesses, Post-Canon, Husbands, Innocence, Gusu Lan is needed of sex education ASAP, Teacher-Student Relationship, Students, WWX living in the Cloud RecessesH, e is loved by everyoneee, Protectiveness, Protective Husband, LQR will die someday because of Wwx, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Romantic Comedy, Love Triangles, but not really, WWX is a Lan)

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41. hello! for fic finder, may i ask for a great tumblr meta that i cant find anywhere? (i feel like i should disclaim that ppl should read what they find hot. i just saw a recent mxtx interview that said like the exact same thing as the meta and thought it was cool)

the meta talks about how mxtx specifically choosing to write lwj as a top WAS the gnc option. i think op was just frustrated about some people insisting that switching/top wwx was ‘less heteronormative’ (as a justification for liking it??). i think op mentioned that this seems like a western take on mdzs?

basically, in the meta, they expand on how lwj is gnc-coded. like how touching lwj’s headband equals staining his honor like how a cdrama man kissing an unmarried woman would be (this is what mxtx also said herself in the interview), and a bunch of other things (handling money, etiquette, lwj keeping track of wwx’s tastes as opposed to wwx buying him spicy food, the incense burner domesticity, and idk more stuff i cant remember)

i *think* they wrote something like “all mxtx couples come with the gnc already built in” which was a cool point imo (one example is hc flipping the gege kink), but i tried searching for that and i couldn’t find it for the life of me. thank you! (Huh, I feel like I remember this one faintly 🤔 ~Mod L) #2 of post

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42. This fic is a modern au, I think that both LZ and WY are cultivators, WY specifically is kind of a witch (?), he messes with dark magic and lives in a haunted town or something like this. There’s a reencounter between the two (I don’t know if by chance or if LZ tracks WY) and at some point LZ gets worried that WY is sorrounded by ghosts/resentful energy, but he is aware of the situation. I think WY even has a pet crow/cat, but I’m not sure. And the plot may envolve him being isolated, running away or being expelled because of his methods of cultivation. Also, I’m pretty sure there’s a fanart featured in the story that has Wangxian and the haunted place WY lives/takes care. #4A of post

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43. hiii it’s me again I’m sorry I can’t seem to find anything rn and you guys are literal lives savers I’m looking for a fit where lwj was raisin A-Yuan and I just remember that they were talking about wwx and lwj compared him to a butterfly going in a dark forest to bring back treasures for other but each time he made the trip he lost some of his light until one day he couldn’t come back. that all I have can you help ???🙇🏼‍♀️ thank youuuuuu✨✨ @/ihaveasoftspotfora-yuan #8 of post

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44. Hiya, im hoping you guys can help me find this fic? The only things I remember is it was canon setting, lwj pov, where he kept hiding/fidgeting with his hands in his sleeves and the author kept bringing attention to it to show him being nervous. It was also complete and definitely longer than 10k at least. Thank you! #12 of post

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45. Hi! It’s me again. It’s for fic finder. On this fic, Qin Su dies and Jin Rusong lives. Before QS dies, she told JRS to never trust JGY and a few days after she said that, she dies because of drowning (i think). That happen in the flashback. And JRS indirectly help NHS in his revenge. Thats all i can remember. Thank you!!! @/idontknowwhattowriteforusername #15 of post

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46. This is a modern au fic again a oneshot ig? The only thing i remember is that lwj was a fashion icon here and very sassy . Oblivious Wwx as usual ! i think wwx implied lwj like mianmian and later lwj talks to his brother and says “ brother do i not look gay enough?” .I do not remember anything else . Also it had good friendship dynamics with almost everyone.No angst but again i can be remembering wrong . Also !!!!! Lwj wore heels ( it wasn’t a genderbend fic ) #4B of post

FOUND? Turn the Other Cheek by Minyoongiisacatuwu (E, 19k, WangXian, Unreliable Narrator, Modern, Oblivious WWX, Panties, LWJ flirting very hard, Rabbits, Rimming, Mutual Pining, LWJ is a top in a Thong, LWJ in heels, Fashionista LWJ, Friends to Lovers, Aftercare, Porn with Feelings, College/University)

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47. I was wondering if you can help me find a fic. It was so long ago I’m ngl. I remember it was stormy and the cultivators had to seek shelter or they saved someone. In return that someone a ‘fortune teller’ could show the future. I remember I think Qiren was wary. She showed the future to the previous generation like cangse sanren and lan qiren. I think she also showed the future to Wei wuxian generation. It might have been in Portuguese or spanish maybe. It could have been in english. @/whitewoodwalker #7 of post

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48. Hello mods!! I’ve been looking for a very specific fic for a while now but I can’t find it with the usual tags. It’s wangxian, post canon and mpreg, where LSZ, studying the gold cores, tries to help WWX form a new one by dual cultivatition (with LWJ) but instead accidentally gets him pregnant. I hope you can help me and thanks in advance! @/jenaerith #11 of post

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49. This is a bit of an obscure one but I’m trying to find a fic: I don’t remember if it was time travel or something else but something happened that led to Lan Zhan having to immobilize Wei Ying like Wen Qing did to him after Qiongqi Path, despite Wei Ying telling him he wouldn’t survive it if it happened to him (again?) and then when they meet again they have to deal with the fact that Lan Zhan did it anyway. I can’t remember the context so hopefully someone recognizes it anyway @vulpestars #14 of post

FOUND? If You Forget Me by DivideTheSorrow (Not Rated, 189k, WangXian, JYL/JZX, YZY/JFM, WIP, Time Travel, Fix-It of Sorts, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Build, Relationship(s), Canon Divergence, Eventual Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Alternating, Original Character(s), Angst)

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50. For FF, I can’t recall if it was time travel or not, but the scene I recall: CR arc, WWX refusing to copy his punishment texts in the library. He confessed to LWJ that he wasn’t planning to complete the copying because the punishment was unfair. He said something like: it takes more than 1 to cheat (I think it was the cheating bit) but I’m the only one being punished. And that opened LWJ’s eyes for the punching JZX scene. Can’t remember where it went after but I really want to read LWJ’s realization again. @/mreisse #20 of post

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#Wangxian Fic Rec #The Untamed #wangxian #MDZS #wangxianficfinder compilation post #long post #mdzs #wangxian fic finder #wangxian fic search #the untamed #wangxianficfinder #missing fics

73 notes · View notes

autisticlancemcclain · 10 months

Text

Keith comes over for Lance’s fifteenth birthday. Hunk is still in Hawaii, but he Skypes, and the three of them talk for two hours. It’s nice.

After Hunk hangs up, Lance decides he wants to make his own birthday cake. Keith decides he wants to help. Neither of them have ever baked by themselves before, but they figure it can’t be too bad.

And it isn’t – they make their way to Wal-Mart, buying six boxes of Betty Crocker’s yellow cake mix, because they don’t know if the box is telling the truth and it really does make a whole cake, so they figure a few extra boxes won’t hurt. They also buy eleven cans of icing, along with a bunch of blue food dye and sprinkles.

The next thing they do is try to put everything together. (They do, at this point, realise they have way too much shit. They only end up using two boxes for the cake, and one to eat the batter. And Lance will take no criticism on that – cake batter is fucking delicious.) That goes pretty well, too – they measure the ingredients and mix ‘em together. Easy. They even remember to grease the pan.

The… troubles, so to speak, come when they pop the cake in the oven and set a timer. Lance hoists himself up to sit on the counter while Keith does the dishes, because Lance is the Birthday Boy™ and is thus exempt from chores.

“In what world does being alive on a certain day mean you don’t have to do dishes,” Keith grumbles. Lance sticks out his tongue.

“In this world, where I am currently Queen of the Day, and you are subservient to me. Scrub the dishes in silence, mullet.”

Lance watches as the challenge visibly sparks up Keith’s spine. He straightens immediately, hands stilling. The sounds of scrubbing cease. Keith turns slightly to him, eyes dark and narrowed.

Lance gulps. He’ll deny it until his dying breath, but something stirs in his gut.

“What was that?” Keith asks carefully.

Lance has never been one to back down, even when he’s knee-deep in a pile of trouble. Especially not to Keith’s bitch ass, as objectively attractive as it may be.

“I said chop chop, get to work.”

Keith moves so fast he’s practically a blur. Water splashes everywhere, but Lance hardly notices. He’s too busy shrieking at the top of his lungs and vaulting over the counter. He sprints up the stairs, on all fours like an animal.

“Someone’s never seen a horror movie,” Keith growls, voice closer than Lance thought he was, and Lance chants in his head that it is not hot, it’s not, it’s lame and stupid and horrible and Keith is the worst. He is.

Lance finally makes it up the stairs and tears down the hallway, swinging into Veronica and Rachel’s bathroom and slamming the door shut milliseconds before Keith can follow him in. He turns the lock, panting heavily as the adrenaline hammers through his veins. The doorknob jiggles for a few seconds, as Keith turns the handle, but then stops abruptly. Footsteps fade as Keith walks away. Lance narrows his eyes. Since when does Keith give up so easily? (Once, Lance lied and said that he’s never once posted an embarrassing picture online and he has been carefully curating his online image his whole life. Keith pulled an all-nighter tracking down his old Tumblr account from when he was 11, and he didn’t even have his name on that thing. To this day Lance has no fucking clue how Keith found it, and lives with the constant shame that Keith has seen a picture of him posing in his room at like 3 in the morning, in front of his old Naruto poster, crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue with the caption ‘im SO random XO RAWR XP’. If he thinks about the situation too much he feels like crawling into the nearest ditch and letting nature take him, so he shoves it quickly out of his mind, because it is his Birthday and he refuses to feel shame on his birthday.)

Suddenly the footsteps return, rapidly this time, and the handle jiggles again. A mounting horror washes through Lance as he remembers, abruptly, that the locks in his house are weird and every single one of them can be opened from the outside with a coin. Lance barely has time to even squeak before the door slams open and Keith comes barrelling through, colliding with him and sending them both tumbling to the floor. By the time Lance orients himself again, Keith is straddling him, pinning his shoulders to the ground and smirking at him.

“Who’s queen now, huh?” he taunts.

Lance swallows.

He swallows again.

He desperately prays his cheeks aren't as red as they feel, but he doubts God loves him that much.

“What’s the matter?” Keith asks, leaning closer. “Cat got your tongue?”

Lance isn’t even sure his brain is still working, let alone his fucking tongue. All he can feel is the length of Keith’s body pressed against his, the tensing of his muscles as he pins him down, the borderline fucking smoulder in Keith’s expression, two inches from his face –

A shrill beeping noise makes them both jump. They look around, then look at each other. What the hell is –

“Is that the smoke detectors?” Keith asks, and then they look at each other in horror.

“The cake!” they yell at the same time, and quickly untangle from each other and sprint back downstairs to the kitchen. The stove is billowing grey smoke, and a lot of it. Lance grabs a dishtowel and starts waving it back and forth, hoping to dispel some of it.

“Open the windows!” he shouts, and Keith rushes to comply. While he does that, Lance holds the towel in front of his face, slipping on an oven mitt with his other hand, and carefully opens the oven door. More smoke blows in his face, and he coughs, eyes burning. He blinks to clear them, and sighs in relief when he doesn’t see any flames. He carefully grabs the glass baking dish.

“Can you open the back door?” he asks. “I’m gonna set this outside, see if that clears the smoke a bit.”

Keith nods, and Lance rushes over to set the pan down on the concrete stairs. Luckily, the glass doesn’t crack. They go back inside, closing the screen door behind them, and take a moment to stare in hopeless silence at the hazy kitchen in front of them.

“So much for that cake,” Keith says.

“Mamá is going to kill me,” Lance breathes. “I am going to die at fifteen.”

Keith grimaces. “Maybe we can scrape off the burnt parts?”

Lance thinks back to the block of char currently sitting in the backyard, and imagines him and Keith with a butterknife each, desperately scraping off the black in a vain attempt to find even a sliver of edible cake before Mamá gets back from work, and the image is so ridiculous he bursts out laughing. Keith was already cracking up a little at his own damn suggestion, and loses it when Lance doubles over. That’s how Mamá finds them, in a smoke-filled kitchen, leaning on each other, struggling to breathe from both their laughter and all the fucking smoke.

“Lance, must you make a mess every time you have a friend over,” she sighs, and Keith and Lance just laugh harder.

“You and Keith are cleaning this kitchen from top to bottom. No exceptions. I don’t care if it’s your birthday, or that Keith’s a guest. He’s here enough that that’s hardly true, anyway. Dios.”

She walks away muttering, and Lance doesn’t even correct her about his and Keith’s friendship status. He finds that he truly doesn’t want to.

To be fair, Keith is about to spend the next couple hours helping him scrub the kitchen after they basically set it on fire. That’s something friends do, he’s sure.

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hwadess · 1 year

Text

[00:28] stoner!yunho (s)

this is actually my first fic ever on this account and i haven’t really kept up with writing since like 2019??? lol… here goes nothing! i did not fully proof read this so if there are any errors pls let me know 😭 also, i feel like this goes without saying but obviously i know weed is NOT legal in south korea, but this is a work of fiction and i like having fun. i am 100% projecting. yep! anyways,

warnings are underneath the cut!

MINORS DNI, YOU WILL BE BLOCKED!

remember, tumblr’s algorithm works off of reblogs. i love and appreciate likes but please reblog my work as well if you like it ♡ much love!

warnings: reader has female anatomy and is called gendered terms associated primarily with females, !!!usage of marijuana!!!, dom!yunho, some light stoner terms, reader tells yunho to stop but doesnt mean it, size kink, use of nicknames/pet names/titles (baby girl, tiny, angel, doll, good girl, yuyu, sir), obv strong language, unprotected sex (please always stay safe during sex!), creampie, fingering, cunnilingus/oral (f receiving), degradation, humiliation. if i forgot any i will add!

word count: idk i edited it in app and lost track (jk update its 3,479!

your friend group was definitely a crazy one, hosting escapades you could never imagine by yourself, making so many memories. all of your firsts were with your friends by your side. hell, you would be with your friends every single second of every day if you could, but today when yunho came home talking about how he had someone in the group find some really good weed, you knew you had to try it alone with him. even though you knew you’d definitely hear from wooyoung about it later. yunho told you that he was sworn to that it would create one of the best highs you had ever faced.

god, you were hoping that his friend was right. you knew how you were when you smoked, you were excited. of course, the two of you could not waste such an opportunity, right?

your head is filled with warmth as your body started feeling floaty, the harsh coughing from the first hit of this third blunt really helping the feeling set in. the drug began to hit you even harder at this point, turning your entire world into a dizzy, yet comfortable daze. you look over at yunho, eyes half lidded from the effects of the bud, bright with the reflection of the led lights that outlined the corners of your bedroom walls.

you took a second to absorb every single detail of his appearance, his hoodie somehow big on him, making you wonder how you’d look wearing it, remembering how big he is already. he was wearing sweatpants, the string on it tightened just enough to hold them loosely around his hips. the weed had the gears in your mind grinding even harder than usual, he looked fucking amazing.

you don’t know if it was the overwhelming urge to be close to him, or what got into you, but before you knew it, your leg was thrown over his lap, and you were there, straddling him on the sofa in the bedroom. taken back by this a bit, yunho breathlessly laughs before cocking a brow at you, head lolling back lazily along the back of the couch from laughing. you take your almost completely cashed blunt, placing it in the ashtray beside the two of you, immediately bringing light kisses to the part of his neck thats barely exposed by the oversized hoodie. fuck, he was so perfect.

that’s all it took, his body began to react what seemed almost instantaneously, his hips subconsciously pressing against you, starting the process of getting hard, as he grabbed your waist for leverage.

“ooh what’s this, pretty girl,” he cooed out, pushing your hair back out of your face, exposing all of your features even more to him. you were so pretty, “some weed got your little pussy wet?”

“no, you did,” you barely managed, the breath barely leaving your lungs. he smirked at you before tapping your side, automatically remembering that’s his sign for wanting you to raise your arms to sneak off your shirt.

“well, i’d better take care of this little problem i created, don’t you think doll?” with large yet gentle hands, he eased you off his lap on the sofa to take you to the opposite side of the room to his bed.

the room was coated in a haze of smoke as the bed creaked ever so quietly underneath the weight of you two. the harsh smell of this particular leaf clung to your senses but you were used to it, the smell didn’t bother you as much as you thought. even if you weren’t used to it, you weren’t sure how much you could even pay attention to the smell of anything when your tall boyfriend was pulling off his sweatpants to reveal his semi-hardened cock. your mind was full, the thoughts mixing in your head, enough to make you fucking dizzy. the effects of what you smoked had long since taken over, you were feeling so much.

“you wanted to start this, so go ahead.” he said, moving back onto the bed with you and then laying down against the bed, head on the pillows, gesturing down with his chin.

you knew better than to act stupid. your whole body shuddered when you looked up at him and saw him wearing the cockiest smirk you swear you had ever seen in your life. he was gonna be the death of you.

you crawled on top of him, taking the same position you had on the bedroom sofa, but this time you took his thick cock in your hand, positioning the tip of him at your entrance.

“wait, angel” he interjected, grabbing your wrist to make you release his cock. your swear your need was about to boil over any second now, mind burning with the thought of how close he was to filling your needy hole up.

“do you think you can take me like this?” he asked, looking at how big his cock looked next to your cunt. you stared back at him, blinking blearily, you were overtaken with confusion and the empty feeling in your chest having the pleasure of his cock that was so tantalizingly close ripped away from you, so hungry for his cock buried in you.

“just a couple more things, doll,” yunho adjusted in his spot, putting pillows underneath the back of his head, so he was laying up a bit more. he brought one large hand to your waist to stabilize you so you stayed still on your knees above him while his other hand slid between your thighs, spreading your folds to run his finger down to find your wet entrance. when he felt the arousal seeping from you just by gliding his fingers through your slit, he hummed softly, sinking two digits inside you which drew a pathetic cry from you.

his fingers were coated in your wetness as he pulled them out, but he still took a moment to tease you by brushing the pads of his fingers along your clit and dip his fingers in just an inch or so a few times until he was satisfied enough with how worked up you were. it wasn’t until yunho retrieved it that you realized he had his unfinished blunt tucked behind his ear, licking off his fingers coated with your juices before grabbing the lighter on the nightstand and lighting it, unexpectedly blowing all the smoke right into your face, making your eyes burn with tears. if they were from the smoke, or from need, that you weren’t too sure of.

“alright pretty baby, you should sink down for me,” he ashed his blunt before looking back at you, cocking an eyebrow at you, making you shiver.

his eyes were on your shaky ones as you eagerly positioned him at your entrance. the moan you let out as every single inch of thick cock grazed against against your walls menacingly slow was absolutely sinful. the neediness in your moan made yunho’s cock twitch inside you as you slowly worked him deeper into your wet cunt.

“now that’s a good girl, huh?,” yunho groaned out, one arm beneath his head on the pillow and the other gripping your waist. between his lips was the blunt, smoke going up in a helix from the burning tip and the corner of his mouth as he panted, feeling your tight walls squeeze him, filling up your little stretched out cunt.

your body was so sensitive to every touch, every single feeling running through your body. you could feel yunho’s cock everywhere. it was so overwhelming. all you could think about was how delicious it felt that his cock was ramming into that one particular spot that made you feel like you were going to pass out right there on his dick splitting you open.

your whole body was so sensitive from the pot, so much so that you found yourself on the edge quickly. your body began to tremble harder than you have before and you gasped out to your boyfriend, hands reaching to bring him closer,

“fuck. i’m gonna cum.” yunho laughs, feeling your cunt clench around his cock, “already, huh?” he mocks you, taking another hit while he watches your trembling fingers leave the grip on his shirt to find your swollen clit to hurl yourself into your crashing orgasm. your hips spasmed uncontrollably and your cunt was squeezing him as you came all around his thick cock, but you continued to ride him, abandoning your clit in favor of going back to grabbing onto his hoodie for leverage.

“fuck, tiny, you’re so good,” he grunted, rutting his cock up into you deeper. “yuyu, y-your c-cock is… s-so g-good,” you barely managed to choke out, bottoming out and grinding your clit against the base of his cock as you felt another orgasm already building in your tummy.

“gonna cum again?” he laughed this time, making your cheeks sting with humilation, but if anything this fueled you working yourself over the edge for him until you were trembling on top of his cock once more.

“fuck!” you yelped out, focusing on your bouncing to aim his cock to brush against the spot that feels the best. you didn’t even give yourself a break, eager to find your next release, eager to make him cum. you just wanted to be so good for him, all you wanted him was for him to fill you up with his cum.

yunho was basically panting, skin glowing shiny under the blue led lights in the room as a light coat of sweat coated his forehead, and he couldn’t deny that you looked so gorgeous right now. he adored when you were so insatiable to the point where you lost your mind on his cock, using him as your toy to make yourself cum. he was more than happy to sit there and let you take what your body needed.

and you, you were a sight for sore eyes. sweat beading over your body with your head thrown back, as you ground down on him with your little cunt filled with his long cock. you had already cum so much already, and you weren’t sure how much or what time it even was. time was a blur at this point, and it was the last thing you were gonna think about. the creases of your thighs, as well as his were both covered in your cum, creating sloppy, loud wet noises every time your skin met.

you were positive you had stained the bed beneath the two of you now, there was no way it hadn’t. it was filthy and you both fucking loved it.

“fuck, yunho!” you pathetically wailed, holding yourself down as deep as possible once you bottomed out, reaching down with a desperate hand to brush against your swollen clit gently enough to initiate the most toe-curling orgasm out of yourself that you think you have ever experienced. yunho groaned, pulling the blunt out of his mouth to blow a lungful of smoke back into your face as you gasped for air from cumming so hard.

“god, i can fucking feel you cum like that doll,” he groaned, tucking the rillo back in his mouth in to grab onto your tits, relentlessly pinching your hardened nipple between his fingers.

“jesus fucking christ,” you groaned, placing your hands behind you on his thighs, using him for leverage as you began to bounce onto him again. you had no idea how the burn of your thighs wasn’t bothering you as much as it should’ve been, but you just equated it to the thc flowing through your system. “you feel so fucking good, yuyu, fuck!”

“what was that?” something shifted in him, watching you through dark and heavy eyes as you lost yourself on his cock. his cock twitched in your cunt so hard, “your tiny cunt’s so fucking sensitive, couldn’t stop cumming even if you wanted to, huh?”

“fuck. yuyu, i’m gonna cum.” the nickname took his breath away, he loved how pathetic and small you looked while hungrily bouncing on his cock, calling him such a cute nickname. he could never admit it but the nickname made him fall apart, but he wasn’t going to admit that. yunho hisses, feeling your cunt clench around his cock that he swears has never been this hard before.

your head went blank, everything was subconscious at this point, digging your nails into the skin of his thighs, grinding your clit against the hilt every time his cock filled you to the brim.

yunho scowled, seemingly unsatisfied that you weren’t answering him. he sat up slightly, tangling a hand into your hair and gripping a fistful tightly to force you to stop bouncing on him, making your eyes meet his worriedly.

your pupils were blown, eyes shining with tears of need. your body was trembling above him as a sign that you were desperately close to another orgasm, and he stole that from you. this was the first time he had really moved since you got onto the bed, and the sight of him taking another long, thick hit, tapping off the ash off the side of the bed carelessly, and then blowing the smoke right into your face with a blank expression had you clenching pathetically around him.

“hmm, i asked you a question, angel,” he cooed, speech a little mumbled as he held the blunt between his lips again to free up both of his hands. wrapping both hands around your waist to shove you onto his cock the deepest it could possibly reach.

“i, i didn’t hear what you asked…” you whimpered, his cock making contact with your cervix from the angle he was sitting at now.

“i know that. poor thing,” he loosened his hold on your hair to move to cup your face almost a confusing amount of gentle, “so fucked out on my cock you can’t even think? is that what’s happening here?”

“y-yes sir,” you whimpered, the attempt to grind down against him unnoticed failed as your clit throbbed so painfully from the neglect.

“sir, huh? cute. sir fucked you dumb?” he smirked, reaching up and taking away the blunt completely now, putting it fully in the ashtray that was at the nightstand.

“y-yes,” it was a small reply, not able to get anything out that was more than that. you just wanted to cum for him again.

“my stupid little baby girl,” he chuckled, his lips against yours. you immediately responded, the pot aftertaste lingering in his mouth. you wrapped your fingers in his hair, deepening the kiss as you began to bounce on him again.

“fuck,” you cried, feeling close as you ground your clit against his pelvic bone every time you sunk down onto him. yunho lowered himself back down against the pillows again, but this time, he wasn’t letting you take control in any sort of way this time. he started to fuck up into your dripping cunt instead of leaving the work to you completely.

“rub that clit tiny, cum on my cock again,” he panted out, grabbing your free hand, which had been busy playing with your nipples, to press your fingers against flush your clit. “fuck that’s it,” he praised when he felt your pussy flutter around him, watching you gently circle the bud as you rode him to your high.

the sight of you just using his body for your own pleasure while feeling your warm cunt wrapped around his throbbing cock was beginning to become too much, he could feel the heat of his own orgasm beginning to sneak up on him. the amount of self control he’s able to show after all this time was still astounding to you, and you just wanted to break that and let him paint your insides with his cum.

“fuck, fuck, i’m cumming again,” you got out in between broken words and gasps for air, thighs trembling as your high washed over you so hard it almost hurt. this time, the force from the orgasm was so intense you were unable to hold yourself up and you leaned down to rest your face against his chest as you panted and trembled through the aftershocks of your orgasm.

everything happened way too fast, and suddenly you found yourself on your back with yunho towering above you. his cock slipped out of you in the process, making your hole clench pathetically when you realized you weren’t full anymore.

“what are you doing…” you whined, arching your hips in a lazy attempt to get him back inside you.

“im gonna eat you out,” he mumbled, instantly lowering on the bed until his head was between your thighs. “oh fuck, you’re soaking,” he used his thumbs to spread your folds apart, exposing your entrance and swollen clit to the chilly air in the room. “how many times have you cum?”

“i don’t remember,” you muttered almost lifelessly. it felt so nice to be lying on your back again and giving your legs a break. you were so gone at this point, how could you remember?

“what a slut,” he growled, dragging the flat of his tongue against the tip of your clit, before shoving his tongue into your hole, coating his tongue in your delicious juices. your hands shuffling to yank at his hair when he used the tip of his tongue to graze your clit gently.

“holy fuck, that feels so good,” you whined out, arching your hips to grind against his tongue, making him chuckle.

it was unfair, how fucking good yunho’s cock felt in you, and how he had a sinfully good mouth. the feeling of his tongue licking over your swollen bud and you remembering how good his cock felt filling you up just minutes ago had you you cumming so much, spiraling into another screaming orgasm. this time, however, as your eyes rolled back and you let out a shriek of his nickname that he loved so much, you felt yourself utterly gush against his tongue.

“fuuuck,” yunho growled, sitting back on his heels before immediately sliding into your embarrassingly wet cunt without a second thought. the noises that came when he sunk into you would have embarrassed you if you not for the weed and the adrenaline pumping through your system.

“c-can’t anymore, yuyu, please stop,” you whined, but made no attempts to halt him as he began pounding into your sopping wet cunt.

“fuck. i. got. you. babygirl,” he whispered through grunts, attempting to give your lips little pecks although his deep and rough thrusts offset them a bit. “can you cum once more for me?” he panted out, eyes scanning over your fucked out, dumb expression.

“if you cum in me,” you compromised, drawing a dark change in his eyes from him as he nodded.

“anything you want, tiny,” the two of you fell into relative silence aside from your whines and moans mixing with his grunts and the wet sound of his cock fucking so deeply your cunt. he licked his pretty fingers before reaching down to spread your lips open and found your swollen clit, brushing against your bud softly as he knew how sensitive it would be and it felt like someone was shooting electricity down your nerves.

he continued to fuck you until you reached your last high, thighs clamping and trembling around his waist and your hand ripping his away from your throbbing clit. with a handful of powerful, deep thrusts, ropes of his thick cum were filling you up, and a long drawn-out groan came from his sweet lips.

the both of you were still for a minute, just sharing a moment to take a few deep breaths as his cock softened inside you before he pulled out, making you gasp from the realization of how spent your hole was. his cum leaked out of you, dripping down onto his blue comforter. he sighed, before catching it with his fingers. he brought his wet and soiled fingers to your lips, and you eagerly took them into your mouth with a small whimper; the bitter flavor of his cum spreading over your tongue.

watching yunho sink his exhausted body down to force your thighs apart wasn’t an uncommon occurrence when the two of you were done. you were tired but you sighed, letting your eyes gently shut as his tongue slid between your folds to catch the mixture of both of your cum thats leaking out of you profusely at this rate, while being gentle enough to not even brush against your clit anymore tonight.

“i love you,” yunho pets your head, fingers combing gently through your hair, “so good for me.”

“i love you, yuyu,” you hum. you don’t think you’re ever smoking with any of your friends present ever again.

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