#I lost track of appointments LOL
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I think it’s so annoying that I was diagnosed with adhd as a teenager but I STILL need to get rediagnosed as an adult. Why? For what purpose. Did my brain change
#and I’m just supposed to be able to afford that#ok#like please just give me the medications I took for YEARS#and made my life immeasurably better#the reason I stopped taking them is …#I lost track of appointments LOL#like yeah . I have ADHD!!!#and you need to go for an appointment every single month for stimulants#it scares me though bc like ok so if I ever fuck up again and stop taking meds I’ll need to get rediagnosed AGAIN#????#idk maybe this is just my last doctor#bc I asked for over a year to be put on the waitlist for adhd testing and i never even got put on the waitlist#it’s especially annoying since it’s the same office that diagnosed me the first time
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if the scales I just used were accurate I'd be on the floor already lol I have not lost nine kilograms in the two weeks since I went to the doctor
#it is not physically possible lol#id estmiate at the most it would be like a kilo MAYBE two#..........depending on how my next session w dietitian goes i should maybe book an appointment with my gp just to discuss things#(y family gp whos know me all my life i mean as opposed to the gp who ive been seeing for all this#tw ed#personal#annoying tho that these scales are completely not useful tbh bc i was gonna use them hopefully to keep an eye on things and make sure they#don't get out of hand. on another note i wish i actually tracked my cycle bc that's important also to make sure im still healthy#and ive never actually lost it completely bc of this so i expect it's simply i forget when it last was not that it's decided to up and off#bc i had the audacity to not eat quite so much lol
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poor memory is a huge deal and i wish people wouldn't diminish it by saying "oh yeah i can't remember what i had for breakfast lol."
i can't remember the first 10 years of my life. i can't remember entire days, weeks, months at a time. i can't remember entire people, i can't remember names or faces. i can't remember when things are scheduled for, my calendar app on my phone is booked to the max with reminders and task checklists. i can't remember when i moved into what home when, i can't remember important milestone dates like when i got or lost certain jobs, or when i started a new hobby.
that's what i mean when i say i have poor memory. poor memory is so scary for the person who has it. it's not a quirky thing, everyone forgets small details. memory problems are scary because you can go through entire events or days with no memory, or plan for things in the future that you can't recall ever even looking into or scheduling. it's not a funny haha kind of thing, it's serious, and it affects a lot of people in very unavoidable ways.
not being able to plan for appointments or work schedules, not being able to remember people's names or faces, not being able to recall whether or not you were present for something or whether or not you met someone, not being able to keep track of what's happening on what dates and losing track of items because you can't remember where you put them are all very real problems, and anyone dealing with them deserves to be taken seriously, and not diminished when they choose to speak up about it.
#neurodivergence#mental health#adhd#did#ptsd#mental illness#schizophrenia#ocd#anxiety#generalized anxiety disorder#depression#bipolar disorder#bpd#borderline personality disorder#neurodivergent#autism#mental health awareness#dpdr#osdd#dissociative disorders#dissociative#depersonalization derealization#other specified dissociative disorder#memory problems#poor memory#learning disorders#chronic fatigue#neurological disability#neurological disorders#traumatic brain injury
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Could you write something where someone compliments Hotch for "babysitting" and "helping out" when hes out with his kids and he gets all 😑😑 do you mean parenting my children?
standard parenting
omg LOL cw; dad!aaron, reader is referred to as mom, a ton of domestic fluff, very light suggestiveness (hehe reader and aaron are soo in love <3) wc; 1.2k
"Jack." Aaron moved forward, spotting his son as he climbed up a curved ladder, at the ready if he were to suddenly slip. "Careful."
"I am." He took the last, big step, his hands gripping the supporting bars and landing on the platform safely. "I've done this two times already Dad."
"Help your sister down the slide, okay? I'll meet the two of you at the bottom."
"Okay." He confirmed, beelining down a rattly bridge in the direction of Ellie.
It was approximately 3 pm on a Tuesday, the park filled with the afternoon rush of children freshly out of school. A doctor's appointment had brought Aaron out of the BAU early, and after picking up Jack from school, Ellie from preschool, he figured there was no better way to burn off energy than the playground.
Hopefully it allowed for a quiet, relaxing night at home, with both kids in bed at a decent time.
Aaron stood at the bottom of the slide, peering upwards and squinting - he had regretfully left his sunglasses in the car. Ellie stood at the top, looking a bit lost once her turn was next, the slide intimidatingly large for a newly four-year-old.
"Jack's coming, honey."
It took some convincing; Aaron reassuring her he was right there, there to catch her if she overshot into the mulch. Jack would be right behind her. Further hesitation on her end: Do you want Jack to go first? No. Are you sure you want to go down? Yes.
Finally down came Ellie, giggling profusely and not paying a mind to the static the slide caused (Aaron mentally winced at the sound). Jack followed soon after.
"See, there you go." Aaron praised, hands moving to his hips.
"Again, please please please." Ellie whined gently, looking up at Aaron with her identically adjacent brown eyes. It was something she was beginning to master, the puppy dog look that could cause him to cave within seconds.
He was in for it.
"Sure pumpkin." Aaron grinned down at his little piggy-tail headed daughter. "Just a few more times though, Mom's waiting at home."
"C'mon Ellie. I'll race you." Jack suggested, kicking up dirt as he bolted off without waiting for a distinct answer. She ran after him, as fast as her small legs could carry her.
Aaron called out after him, "The stairs, Jack."
"I know!"
"Cute kids."
A mother - Aaron inferred - commented, falling alongside him. Aaron's eyes continued to track the two of them, ensuring they remained together and stayed far away from any arched ladders. They dashed up the stairs, into the depths of the play structure.
Aaron offered her a friendly smile in return, "Thank you."
"It's nice to see someone so attentive for a change." She huffed, notably an impressed breath. "Most babysitters just sit on the bench on their cell phone."
Aaron's expression dropped; a mix of confusion and dumbfound, his smile gradually fading. The only thing going through his mind: I'm sorry, what?
"Well, I'm not like most babysitters." He frowned, pressing his lips together and eyebrows drawing into a line.
"Good for you." She commended, not taking the hint. A child called out to her, causing her to move forward. "See ya."
She left, but scowl on his face stayed.
It hadn't put him in a bad mood, but rather, a dulled mood. The inference could've been an honest mistake, it most likely was, but it settled funny within him.
Only at Ellie's, 'Daddy look!' did his face brighten up. For them.
-
"Hi Momma!" Ellie bounded into the kitchen, nearly crashing into you and smiling from ear to ear. "We're home!"
Jack added to her status report, voices intertwining. "Dad took us to the park!"
"It looks like you two had fun." You grinned, using the pad of your thumb to swipe away an unblended bout of sunscreen on the side of Jack's nose. You also took note of his grass stained sweats, and the dirt scuff on Ellie's knees.
"We did! Jackers helped me down the slide and Daddy pushed me on the swings-"
"No one pushed me on the swings." Aaron commented, his hand finding the small of your back momentarily as he brushed past.
"That's 'cause you're big." Ellie made a face at her father.
"Can we go again on Saturday?" Jack asked, "I wanna bring my soccer ball."
"We'll have to see what we're up to, bud," Aaron answered, also fetching him a cup of cold water. The car ride consisted of Jack stating how thirsty he was, and how he refused to drink the lukewarm water his bottle held. "But I don't see why not."
Meanwhile, Ellie plopped herself onto the floor, pulling off her shoes and dumping the remnants of lingering mulch onto the floor.
"Hey hey hey let's not do that." You said, your nose scrunching lightly too; the normal kid-stink that followed after an afternoon spent in the sun. "And baths, both of you. Go on, I'll be there in a second."
Ellie's voice carried as she ventured up, something along the lines of bringing her mermaid Barbie in the tub with her. You ruffled Jack's hair gently as he passed, pressing a kiss to his sweaty head.
"You know what someone said to me today?" Aaron asked, turning towards the sink to wash his hands.
"Aren't you forgetting something first?"
He stopped, a knowing smile forming on his face. "How dare I."
Aaron moved forward, hands finding your waist to pull you near, placing his lips onto yours for a few seconds. Albeit how short it was, you savored it; coming home after a long, long day.
Satisfied, "Enlighten me."
He paused to actually wash his hands, flicking the water droplets off once he finished. You tossed him the hand towel that happened to be nearby.
"Someone mistook me for a babysitter."
"What?" You snorted out a laugh.
"Left me speechless." He exasperatedly rolled his eyes, wiping his hands and throwing the towel back onto the counter. "Can you believe that?"
"Well, you know how some people can be." You shrugged. Your statement wasn't much help, but what could you do.
"Oblivious?"
"What prompted it?"
"Standard parenting. I was simply keeping a close eye. The slide made Ellie nervous, Jack was being a bit adventurous today, and the playground itself was a nightmare. Everyone had the same idea I did, it was packed."
You hummed in response, dumping the neglected water from Jack and Ellie's water bottles out. Aaron continued to ramble on.
"And she saw the two of them. Jack - he resembles Haley a bit more, sure. But Ellie?"
"Your twin."
"Exactly." Aaron scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Babysitter. How in the world does that title come to mind before Dad?"
He shook his head as his eyes found the ceiling; utter disbelief.
"You know," you raised an eyebrow, regaining his focus, "you're hot when you're fired up."
"Am I?" Aaron smirked, pulling you in again just as he did before, arm winding behind your back.
"Mom!"
A whine drifted from upstairs, Aaron pulled away from your lips with a comically heavy, defeated sigh.
You shoved him at the chest playfully, grabbing a laugh from him, heading upstairs.
"She, huh." You teased, "Are you sure it wasn't some strategically formed ploy in hopes you were unmarried? Wouldn't be the first time."
He trudged up the stairs behind you, a chuckle shaking through his chest. "I doubt it. She seemed genuine."
"And you would know." You quipped, ends of your mouth turned upwards.
"With my profiling expertise?" He bantered back, playfully patting your behind as you reached the second level. "I'd hope so."
#ellie hotchner <3#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner fluff#aaron hotchner x you#aaron hotchner x fem!reader#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotchner imagine#criminal minds#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds x you#criminal minds drabble#aaron hotchner drabble#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds fanfiction#hotch imagine#criminal minds x fem!reader
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Hi Maya<3!
I saw that your requests were open n I was wondering if you could do a Ethan x reader where they are rose's parents, n being first time parents they are new to everything, I recently saw that babies in their 6 months need to take a medical exam where they have to stay awake all night for 12 hours to check something in their head idk😭 so I imagined ethan n reader on their first and almost impossible mission as parents to keep rose awake all night for the exam n panicking n stressing out every time rose tends to fall asleep n every hour it gets harder to keep her awake that even the TV on full volume doesn't wake her up lmao🐱
It can be short or long as u decide<3
(sorry for any mistakes english is not my first language)
hello dear!! this is so funny to me. I tried to google this but couldn't find anything, HOWEVER it's so funny that we're just gonna pretend lol. dad ethan will always be my baby lol. i hope you enjoy love!!
When the doctor explained it to you and Ethan you nodded but there was nothing going on behind your eyes
You were both exhausted anyway. You had been exhausted since the day you gave birth. This seemed like an impossible task that was being given to you
Ethan, who had literally lost his hand, was practically shaking in fear the whole way home.
Even if we don't manage it, we can reschedule right?
And go through all that again? Please Ethan.
The task was daunting but months away! you were fineeee
AND THEN THE TASK WAS THERE
you saw it on your calendar, starring at you in the face. Keep Rose awake for 12 full hours before the appointment.
You told Ethan right before, who was sitting with her on the couch. He gave you a numb look, thinking, pursing his lips. You had been taking shifts with watching her while you were both asleep
but a full 12 hours seemed annoyingly impossible. Maybe if you could just do the most then it wouldn't really matter!
Ethan suggested taking shifts just like you do at night. That way, one of you could get a mental break
He did not think about how much mental strain it would be to do it alone. Always watching her. Eyes on her the whole time
After his first half hour of his shift he decided that was dumb and went to grab you from upstairs
Cue the insanity
For a while it's okay. She stays awake anyway, it didn't really matter. You set a timer on your phone so that you were keeping track of everything. She played with her toys on the ground, ate dinner with you guys, pretended to watch a movie
You tried to get her to walk around but she just kinda wriggled
Spending time with Rose was not weird to either of you, so it started fine. you and ethan just kind of watched her and hung out with her.
Then it started to get darker and Ethan started to set his head on your shoulder and the movie got quieter. Rose naturally started to get sleepy.
then it got annoying
"We should've gotten more coffee," Ethan muttered. He was looking in the kitchen cupboards. You sat with Rose, holding her up on your lap. She was so much to watch when she was awake.
"I went shopping last week," you said. He shook his head.
"It's not enough." He turned back to you as he poured water down the coffee pot. "It's gonna have to be strong if we stand a chance."
"The appointment's at 7 in the morning Ethan. I think we'll be okay." He narrowed his eyes at you. You half smiled, already starting to get sleepy.
"We can give her a bath," you suggested. "It'll keep her awake for a while."
"She does like playing in the bath," he muttered. "Do you want one?" You nodded, gesturing for him to bring it towards you. He nodded, waiting for it to be finish.
"We keep the house cold. Come Ethan. It'll be funny."
As the hours droned on it started to become dumb. At like midnight, both of you just wanted to reschedule it completely but knew you couldn't put it off for long. She was only six months for a single month.
You turned on the AC. It was freezing. Both you and Ethan were practically shivering, trying to stay awake. You jokingly tried to give Rose a sip of coffee (which Ethan swatted out of your hands)
You put her in a different outfit to pretend it was a new day. She continued to be confused
You gave her a bath, which killed like an hour more or less.
But she was slowly starting to become harder to keep awake. At closer to 5, only a couple more hours to go, it was nearly impossible. One of you had to be holding her standing up, watching her eyes, just to make sure they were open.
"We should've taken shifts," you muttered, laying on the couch. Ethan yawned. He was still wearing his pajama sweats and tshirt, tricking your mind into thinking you should be climbing into bed.
"You would've gone insane," he commented. You groaned.
"Me?"
"Yes. You." You rolled your eyes and sat up. Your limbs were so heavy.
"We could leave at 6."
"One of us has to keep her awake in the backseat."
"I call driving."
needless to say, it was the soundest all three of you slept when you got home. Rose was fine by the way. It eased both of your nerves to know.
your house, which had been so loud for 12 hours, was finally silent with the sound of sleeping breaths
#ethan winters x reader#ethan winters x fem!reader#resident evil imagines#resident evil headcanons#ethan winters headcanons
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a couple of special requests
The first is that I need glasses. I lost my glasses before I moved, 2 years ago. My eyesight has only gotten worse since then, making driving when it’s not bright out very dangerous, to the point where it seriously hinders our lives as a household. For example, I frequently need to use my roommate’s car to drive myself or hal to important but distant appointment/errands, but I can’t do it because we might not be able to get back before sunset and we value being alive and surviving and such. As a result, we are trying to get me glasses, which will probably cost around $130 total.
The second thing is a scooter. I have applied to everywhere I’m willing and able to work that is reasonably accessible to me on foot and have been turned down or ghosted at every turn. My own car has been broken since last december and the part it needs has been on national backorder for nearly a year, so I’m on foot til that’s resolved. There are places where I would like to work that are more reasonably accessible if I had functioning wheeled transportation of my own. I could even get myself to the train station and start looking for jobs in neighboring cities! As a result, I would like to get a simple kick scooter. The one I want costs $70 (not including sales tax and such but whatever)
These necessary costs add up to $200 that I don’t have. If you would like to help me see, drive, and apply for jobs, please send me some dollars on paypal or venmo! You can also tip me on here if you want I guess lol
We are currently at $200/$200!
(^ updated Friday, October 21)
I am still using ko-fi to pay for my regular bills and any art supplies, since that’s how I keep track of my art business money. If you want to help pay my regular bills, buy some art resources, or sign up for a membership, you can also check me out at ko-fi.com/endcant, but donations there won’t go towards glasses and scooter. Thank you 🖤
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How would you describe yhe dynamics if th3 donnies?
I think Dee would be the accidental leader of the group since the only reason this trip started was b/c he got lost going home and ended up in a different parallel dimension. So he's literally trying to keep the other three on task which doesn't always work.
Donnie's probably the next as far as 'taking this seriously'. Like he's partially there to help Dee get home, but he also wants to sight see other dimensions. So it's really a toss up on whether he will help keep the other two on track, or if he will join in the distractions.
Webs is very much there just to sight see. He went "Sounds like fun" and just went off. He is the main one they're trying to keep wrangled.
Seer joined them for his own reasons and the other three aren't quite sure what they are. All they know is he seems to have his own, self appointed missions from the start and tries his best to be dramatically mysterious about them (it doesn't always work. He gets called out on that routinely.) Don't get me wrong, he definitely wants to sight see too, but that wasn't the main reason he decided to join the group. (i'm going to get into that at some point. I've got a cute scene in mind for it : ) )
Essentially it's just Dee trying to get home but he's been joined by three individuals that he very desperately wishes he could get child leashes for lol.
Thank you!
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𝐓𝐱𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐲 𝐌𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢 (𝐎𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬)
Summary: “Her tears tasted of salt, and lips chipped like sand. She was beautiful”
Pairings: Kiri x Metkayina!MaleOc
Word count: I lost track at this point.
Warnings/notes: Angsty Kiri cries the entire ocean ; umm plot ? Writer’s block (& I’m back from the dead lol). Title inspired from the Jake Sully’s Series by @stargirlrchive
You were definitely staring.
Well- sort of
•••
With Leiya’s family hosting the Omatikaya’s lodging, it was inevitable for you not to splash over each other. To be the Tsahìk’s confident and childhood friend meant being informed of the isle’s latest affairs (but ultimately : taking on the role of mentor in helping the tanned blue Na’vi foreigners adapt to sea)
Breathless-
She was at first ; when learning the basics of diving, while also leaving you short on breath.
You were tasked in teaching about the biome’s flora alongside Tsireya, who was on the opposite spectrum appointed to delve into physical respiratory exercises. Laughably, you weren’t complaining ; it was your field of expertise after all. Endless days of hunting with Aonung’s scavengermates through tepid- tropical lagoons wouldn’t have gone to complete waste.
Though through gritty teeth and fidgety fingers, your body-language couldn’t lie : Kiri caught your eye & when she mirrored your gaze, on Eywa your heart threatened skipping between beats. Her aura was.. tantalising, a sensation you never could name without wavering. She resembled the wild “blueberries” the Sullys had brought as token of appreciation for quartering. Indomitably alluring, but brittle in bleeding. You wanted to solace the sorrows she kept a front for, but her forteresse was one made of mistrust
•••
After tending as per usual to Awa’atlu’s seawall terraces *a chore tailored to your sparse schedule, you sailed off to inspect the proximate CoralCove. Upon skimming past the entrance’s gaping threshold, in-between mossy Stalagmites thrived your own secret subaquatic garden.
During the Eclipse’s after-hours, when moonlight stuck it’s quarter crescent & tidings rose above knee-altitude, you dedicated a moment’s sigh to the reef’s research …
Scribbling down the last of today’s findings in a keep-safe logbook, the intuitive reminder of heading home gradually became urgent. Yet before taking off, the unusual sight of flickering iridescence within the cave’s core had enticed a change of heart.
Distant echoes sparked betwixt unobtanium walls, and whispering wails protruded the thickness of it’s shallow waters ; another presence was within ear’s reach. However, this Haven was sharply located 6 nautical miles from the coast (whoever had trespassed wasn’t likely to be your familiar) ; so the noise left you perplexed.
You Blinked-
Rubbed your eyes with seasalt
“Kiri ?”
•••
You could barely distinguish her hunched build from behind, with faint bioluminescent freckles blending into the dimmed background. Yet, it was undoubtedly her signature hiccups that alerted your ears to perk up in concern :
Kiri’s voice was to you, discernable amongst any crowd. You took a silent liking to it’s husky ringing, almost imitating a Siren’s Lament… Granted she was mute most times, dry eyes darting in compass way to the Omatikaya Rainforest. Homesickness gradually caught up to her, though you only stood watching as she withered from within ; week after week.
The lingering thought of eavesdropping was impendingly tempting. Part of you wanted to know what her crestfallen irises wouldn’t reveal ; your latter resolve was skimming the nearest exit (with cautious steps) before being caught lacking. At least that was the initial intention, until your clumsy tail mingled with fins *making you tumble over in a reverberate spatter…
“Who’s there ?”
You stiffened, adrenaline rising. Heart rate betraying your cover, sh*t
“Leikh’a ?”
•••
Rising from the chilling waters, you shifted eye-contact to wherever she was blurred out of frame in avoidance to the clear tears streaming upside-down. Not as if Kiri’s crying face wasn’t undeniably hot tho
“Um, surprise ? Welp this is awkward.”
Upon lifting your gaze she only returned a stare, irises flashing upwards, visibly irked
“I bet Father’s worried about me if you’re here. But I’m not a child anymore, tell him to leave me be..”
Slowly wiping the remains of her tears, she composed herself
…
“Actually- I’m not here on his behalf, I come here quite often. It’s my hideout. Kinda rare finding oxygenated heathens underwater…”
“Right-
“It’s not about your Father is it ?”
There was an underlining tension in the air left unspoken
could you..
perhaps keep a secret ?”
…
“Sure,”
A few moments into the thick and thin, your tail couldn’t stop swishing left to right. This was the most Kiri had ever shared about ever since her arrival.
The luminescent pigments that dotted her skin had returned, and you found she was much more relatable than any of your siblings here ; even quirky sometimes.
•••
“I feel her, Leikh’a... Eywa.
Kiri had placed both your hands in hers, faintly whispering
I hear her breathing. I hear her heartbeat.
She's so close. She's just there.
Like a word about to be spoken...
I know you think I'm crazy”
“What does her heart feel like ?”
“Mighty.”
…
“Please don’t tell anyone.. your people think we’re freaks”
“I don’t,
Listen. You don’t need 5 fingers or fins to accomplish great things-
Oel ngati kameie, I see (through) you
And you’re beautiful.”
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Had my primary care appointment today for my meds, and saw the nurse practitioner who was amazing. She clearly had time for me and we talked about the hunger issues and some other new/well new in intensity not really new as in never happened before symptoms like dizziness, nausea, etc as my hunger signals or just more frequent dizziness. And I told her the primary doctor and my rheumatologist had suggested POTS but I wasn't sure bc i hadn't been having the dizziness as much as you'd think.
But she did run through it with me and did the poor mans tilt table and....I went from a resting heart rate of 65bpm to 110 sitting and 105 standing. Which seemed Alarming to her, in addition to my blood pressure not changing too much iirc?
So now I've been instructed to Track My Heart Rate (which I was trying to do, then my watch's battery died and I lost the charger...and then the second charger...) And drink a Lot of Water.
Was wild to see the 45-50bpm jump on that, ngl, especially since today the dizziness wasn't that bad for that particular part of the day. I'm now curious as to what it is when I Do get really dizzy. Iirc POTS requires a 30bpm change of some sort?
So I might... actually have POTS?? Or something at least. Not just general dysautonomia like I kinda thought simply bc I didn't think I had that drastic of a change but uhhhh. Apparently I do lol.
She also is putting me on an atypical antidepressant not for the depression (though I am glad for the help bc I genuinely think my baseline mental state (bc Trauma in Childhood) is closer to depression than normal) but because of the appetite increase and weight gain side effects. I'm so tired of being incredibly underweight that if this gets me over 100lbs for once in my life I'm celebrating hard. Probably gonna make a cake for that or something lmaooo.
#POTS#pots syndrome#maybe??? probably???#hypermobility#elhers danlos syndrome#probably#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#personal shit#tagging to track comment reblog whatever i don't mind
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Tourettes Awareness Month, May 26th!
Kinda lost track of the days so just gonna stop counting them and just do the date instead 😅
Today I'm going to go over some of my pet peeves/frustrations that are related to my tics/TS, or people reacting to it. Some of these I've mentioned before but I'll try to include new ones as well, don't mind my bitter old man persona coming out lol.
⚠️Everyone who has TS or tic disorders will have different experiences, this is just mine
Dentists!
So I have had a lot of bad experiences with dentists, even before my tics were severe enough to be diagnosed and now its even worse. Bc I'm anxious for the dentist, my tics can actually get really bad in the days leading up to it and the day of. I'm also prone to shut downs with dental stuff, so it's almost a double whammy. Luckily my most recent experiences with dentists have been really positive, and they've been extremely patient with me. However when I get a bad dentist the experience pretty much back tracks all the progress I had been making with the good ones.
It can just be really hard to manage my tics during an appointment, and I'm more prone to tic attacks in the days leading up to said appointment, even if I know who I'm seeing is good. This is starting to pass now tho and I actually went back with the dentist on my own for the first time since I was 7 or so last month.
Sleep interrupting!
Being too tired to sleep is a pretty common occurrence for me, unfortunately. When I'm sleep deprived I get more tics than usual, especially in my legs. Usually my legs don't tic bc I sit in ways that make it difficult (criss cross, one leg under the other, on my knees, ect), but when I'm laying down to sleep, it's much harder to find a position that stops leg tics. If I can't stop them, I end up kicking myself over and over, usually right as I'm about to fall asleep so I kick and I'm wide awake again. Some nights it only happens for like 10min and then I can sleep, but other nights it'll be HOURS. On the longer nights I'll try to sleep with my legs crossed or sitting up criss cross, but that's really hard to do sometimes. Most of the times on those nights I just give up on sleeping all together. The days after I don't sleep, I'm more twitchy and prone to attacks, then I either am allowed to sleep that night or just pass out from exhaustion after an attack.
Pre-tic premonition!
Sometimes I'll know I'm about to tic, and I can see I'm going to hurt myself or I know I'm going to throw something and there is literally nothing I can do, I'm just stuck knowing until the tic hits unless I suppress it, which doesn't always works, usually causes recoil, and can HURT.
Thunder!
So I used to love thunderstorms, and find peace in them, but as my tics got more severe, my relationship with thunder changed. Rolling thunder is okay but booming thunder makes me tic like crazy, as in when it's frequent enough I will tic myself dizzy or give myself a migraine. I of course live in a thunderstorm heavy area 😅
BTW if you're into mediocre poetry and have a spare dollar or a Kindle unlimited account, I actually wrote about this in my book I Want To Love the Thunder under the name Fen Lotor only on Amazon
People!
I was going to get into this a lot but honestly the stories kinda deserve their own post, mainly bc it'd be long and people may want to skip it bc the stories could be triggering so I'll generalize here-
1. People making me tic on purpose (luckily a rare occurrence but a really fucking shitty one)
2. People staring (yes its strange, and I understand glancing at me but sometimes people just stare until my tics stop but if I know someone is staring I tic more from the anxiety)
3. Stereotypes (a given)
4. Asking me questions while I'm actively having a tic attack (99% of the time I'm super open about questions but people sometimes don't ask until I'm having a severe attack even if they've seen minor tics or know I'm tourettic)
5. Balloon decor (maybe I'm biased bc I haven't been somewhere w balloon decor since prom but it seems anytime balloons are used as decor there is at least one person intent on popping them)
6. Immediately panicking when I start ticcing (it's less frequent now w people who know me but as soon as people know my tics CAN be caused by something negative they seem to think they are ALWAYS caused that way, no matter what I say so they start panicking and asking what's wrong and won't take "nothing is wrong" as an answer which stresses me out and makes me tic more)
7. 4th of July (this makes me sound like a scrooge and a hypocrite bc I like fireworks. I also don't mind headphoning up and blocking it out for a bit, but for some reason people around me celebrate from 6pm to 3am, July 1st-July 7th, and it's not even dark until 8pm or later)
Okay ended up ranting a bit lol. Thank you for reading, and as always my asks are open if anyone is curious or has questions I'll answer the best I can 😊
Also adding my cooking with Tourette's tag if anyone is curious. I almost included some info on cooking here but it doesn't really bother me enough to be a pet peeve
#fentics#cooking with tourettes#tourettes awareness month#tourette syndrome#tourette's#tic disorder#tics and tourettes#tics
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Hi!
While rereading last few chapters it struck me that all of their most heated moments happened in really short time. Pete said at some point (ch 10, checked) that their last time at the safe house was 10 days ago. After that I think maybe 2-3 days past till now (Pete spooked by the tea).
My guess(and by tracing back certain events) is that Macau thing, their 🔥 time, Vegas's confession, Pete's breakdown, Kinn's butting in and pool time happened in one day. My poor bastard, that a lot to take in. Next day making out after Porsche/Vegas argument, doctor's appointment, the meeting, thing with Amara and boom, bloody Vegas at night. Third day takes all chapter 12 until the tea escape. (I hope Vegas catches him 😭).
That's a hell lot of events for only 3 days (and orgasms 👀). Since updates take more time than a few days it doesn't feel like that. And Vegas is really sneaking around every corner for real 😂
So I wonder if you have any timeline sketched out? NGL, I'm pretty bad at calculating how much time passed.
Oh, and have you already chose the title song? 😁
oh my god this is SUCH a great question thanks for thinking of it!!! so legit i've been keeping track of the days by making a note at the beginning of each chapter otherwise id be as lost as anyone else lol so as of the most recent chap posted it's only been 20 days since Pete first got caught by Ken in the compound.
the entirety of the fic so far covers 20 days!!!! how insane is that?! He was Vegas' prisoner for 8 days (and escaped on the eighth day, finally returning to Bangkok on the tenth).
you're absolutely correct all of those banana things all happened to Pete on the one day (the poor guy) and then things just got a lot worse the next day with his fight with porsche, the meeting and the doctors appointment all ending with Vegas showing up blooded and injured early morning on the third day. that is absolutely a wild rollercoaster of a jam packed three days for sure!!!
oh absolutely!! it doesnt feel like that at all for me either thats why i need to write down those reminders of how many days in it is hahahah. vegas is literally moving through walls somehow he's everywhere at once lol.
i have the current timeline sketched out but the future is not at all planned yet. there is one gif i would use to describe my current writing style for this fic and its below lol
but also yes i do i think!!! it's a toss up between these two songs:
know better- josh levi
half of my heart- grandson
but will make a decision the closer i get to ending the chap. both of these lyrics would work really well for the next chap title at the moment!!
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ed and mental illness talk
was trying to find any kind of log of my past weight so i could have an idea or an average of it all but i dont rmr using any apps for weight tracking, even in the height of my e.d. back in 2011-2015 lol. the farthest i could go was july 2018 where i logged my weight on flo along with my period (59kg....!! and my period wasn't as irregular as it is now!!). idk if it's my memory deteriorating but i genuinely don't remember weighting that little. kinda interesting that by 2020 i was already over 69kg, eating VERY well because i was dating at the time lol.
and sure i havent been able to eat normally bc of my stomach & since december from last year i've lost almost 8kg. not even doing anything. last week however i got anemic and very very weak because my body has not been able to absorb anything at all and these tummyaches have become unbearable so i finally got an appointment to check it out🙏
might be a mix of depression and the e.d. coming back and feeling sick all the time and not eating right but it all came down to the realization of oh this is a easy way to lose weight maybe if i lose weight i won't feel so miserable maybe all those people telling me i look bloated were right maybe if i look thinner i'll feel better about myself. which is all a lie i know but i need to feel Something i just feel so bad all the time about everything. plus when i do top surgery i'll have to lose weight anyway. i don't want to go back to >70kg i literally hate the number 7 so much it's unreal. if i lose 6kg i'll be back to the 59kg i had at 18 but i dont like the number 5 either so i'll have to lose 11kg to go to 48kg at least. it's a beautiful round number. or if thats too hard 55kg is also a round number in my head, although not nearly as beautiful
i don't plan to get that weight by the end of the year ofc lol realistically i want to build some muscle instead of straight up losing all fat. my body has gotten soooo weak bc i'm not athletic At All. genuinely if i knew it'd come to bite my ass this hard when i'm not even in my mid 20s i'd actually try to get good at sports when i was a kid. i can't walk or stand or sit for long which is so fucked up, like how did it get this bad 😭 shouldve taken unsolicited advice from my family and done ballet or something. well but the past's past so whatever i gotta deal with what i got now. hopefully it'll all work nicely.
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1 year as a vegan 🌱 an honest overview
I'm a 30 year old woman, and I decided to go vegan in April 2022. I was never a vegetarian. I switched from an omnivorous diet to a plant-based diet overnight, and I have strictly adhered to the latter, with the only few exceptions being accidents.
I would like to write down how my journey as a vegan has been so far, what pros and cons I encountered and how my overall health was impacted. I intend to talk with my heart on my sleeve about everything and I am totally open to questions or clarifications. This post is nothing more than my own subjective, unique experience as a relatively new vegan person. However I won't be talking about the morality of veganism, nor the reasons why I decided to go vegan. I want to give voice to the bodily and mental changes I am going through instead, plus a few personal final thoughts.
I'd like to begin by stating that:
I have been taking several blood tests during the last year in order to keep track of the changes.
I have been taking vitamin B12 supplements as strongly recommended by every single doctor and veganism related website/source.
I have no prior sickness of any kind.
HEADACHES.
Headaches used to permeate my days before going vegan - so much that I had stopped noticing them (when bearable). During my first week as a vegan, the sudden disappearance of my headaches felt like a miracle. I would've never anticipated how life-changing that was. I was so used to my head pounding that the absence of the pain couldn't have gone unnoticed. I figured out I am intolerant to dairy, as countless others are, and yet I used to munch on cheese as my go-to comfort food... as countless others do.
BLOATING.
Bloating was probably also caused by my daily ingestion of dairy products, and was one of my body's cries for help. I did not feel bloated anymore once I started eating plant-based. The skin on my belly was softer at the touch and not as tense as before. People around me began asking if I had lost weight. I hadn't. It was just me deflating, lol.
SLEEP.
This is one of the most unexpected changes: I noticed I've been sleeping less, but better. I started waking up an hour or two earlier than usual, feeling well rested. Thanks to that, my days got longer, my mind got clearer, and my mood improved almost instantly.
ENERGY.
During the first weeks, I felt very energised. Must've been all of the vitamins suddenly filling my body! Who needs to get high when you can get the iron rush from a bunch of spinach, like good old Popeye taught us? Nevertheless, the energy sort of dissipated over time and I've been feeling pretty normal ever since.
POOP.
Oh no, it's poop talk! Fend yourselves, because I am not scared of being descriptive here. Long story short, I used to have frequent diarrhea before going vegan. Once again, my dairy intolerance most likely contributed to creating funny looking brown stuff. If I asked you how's your poop looking, what would you answer (assuming you wouldn't slap me)? And would you know what a healthy poop is supposed to look like? Welp, let's just say I've been proud of my toilet appointments since going vegan, because all I see are Pacha meme worthy sausages. Going to the loo is a happy time now, in comparison to the long minutes of agony spent with stomachache and funky smells.
FLATULENCE.
Can't have booty talk without mentioning the #1 cause of laughter among kids since the beginning of time! Farting is funny, but it is first and foremost the sign of a healthy gut. It takes a quick Google search to find out what farts truly are and why our bodies need to produce them. I confirm one of the most innocent prejudices against vegans - yes, we fart more than usual! But if you read into it, you'll only wish to do the same. Still, it is a largely acceptable change, and has not caused me any discomfort or unfortunate situations whatsoever.
CHOLESTEROL, IRON, PROTEIN, ETC.
Before going vegan, I had high cholesterol, high fibrinogen, low hemoglobin, low albumin, and a few other things that weren't importantly unbalanced. As aforementioned, I've taken several blood tests during the last year which showed ALL of the highs & lows quickly going back to normal. When I saw my cholesterol lower for the first time, I cried. I haven't had normal cholesterol for years, so, seeing that was nothing less than a miracle for me. As for my iron and protein, they increased! My fibrinogen was REALLY high, which could've resulted in a heart attack due to a vascular occlusion, but I don't risk that anymore. I cannot express how ecstatic I am to be considered medically healthy now. I wish somebody had told me earlier about the health benefits of a plant-based diet.
COOKING AND GROCERY SHOPPING.
I was never a big fan of cooking, because I was mostly just hungry all the time and I couldn't be bothered to prep meals or to even chop up vegetables. As a vegan though, I was kind of forced to look at recipes in the beginning - I was pretty lost and didn't know what to cook! Well, vegan cooking turned out to be much easier than I thought. I remember my first vegan grocery shopping experience: a whole new world opened up in the mall. I had never looked at the veggies and fruits and legumes and seeds and cereals section properly before! It was ENORMOUS! Boxes and bags and baskets of wonderfully colored food, most of it really cheap (especially legumes); with half of the money that I used to spend on cheese and meat, I had double the amount of food in my shopping cart and I was so ready to start cooking. The more I cooked, the quicker my cooking skills drastically improved and I have so much fucking fun in the kitchen now! I made countless vegan meals and cakes, loved by everybody (non-vegans asked for recipes more than once!), even by my mother! She used to slaughter chickens and had never baked a cake without eggs before, and yet, she admitted that this way of eating is fantastic and convenient. After a few months, she praised my hair and skin because it looks brighter and healthier. As a matter of fact, I feel nourished and full most of the time. Most importantly, I began to feel grateful and to think of food as a way of loving myself and nurturing my body, rather than a mere matter of taste.
SOCIETY.
The problem with being a vegan in a human society is... other people. It is always, undoubtedly other people who will come @ me with their weird, uncalled for, and rude anti-vegan claims as soon as somebody ELSE reveals that I am a vegan. I swear to god. I have no idea where we picked up the scenario of the 'annoying vegan' because the truth is actually the opposite... it is others who annoy ME... whenever they asked questions, I was happy to answer and explain stuff, because I genuinely thought that they were interested and would have liked learning something new, just like I would've felt if they had talked to me about something that they are passionate about. But nope, the real reason why most people asked me questions was to 'debunk' what I would say and feel like they won the argument. Even though it wasn't an argument at all. It wasn't long before I started noticing the patterns, the same old questions asked, the same rebuttals, over and over, in an endless cycle of going nowhere. So I simply learned how to differentiate the 'gotchas' from the rare, decent people who truly want to know more about veganism. As for going out and eating out, it wasn't as hard nor as expensive as I anticipated. We now live in a very vegan friendly time, there are vegan alternatives to basically everything. I feel extremely lucky to be a vegan now, because I can't even begin to imagine how hard it would've been years before.
PEACE OF MIND.
There is a duck pond nearby and I often take walks through it. Sometimes I sit on a bench, look at the beautiful birds and their dreamy plumage, and I... appreciate them. Not for their meat, like I used to. I can't even fathom seeing those creatures as food now. I appreciate them as individuals, who dream, love, dance, think, sleep, bond with their kin... I feel at peace with animals and nature on a whole other level. I realized how wrong it felt to eat a steak and then pet my dog. I learned so much about animal agriculture, nutrition, human rights, environmentalism… and I have so much more to learn yet. It takes one heartfelt glance into an animal's eyes, to be reminded that we are all the same. I am honored to get to choose not to be cruel to them.
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i probably have cancer tbh. i've lost so much weight without even trying, i'm lost a lot of muscle. i was 110 last time i checked. i think i was about 135 last year. i haven't done anything to lose the weight. I get abdominal pain which is unusual for me. Sometimes it's really bad.
i'm exhausted even though i track my food, calories, protein, vitamins.
I don't look good.
you'd think i'd be cute cause i'm skinny but i look gaunt.
part of me feels relief at the potential of being out of here finally. and another part of me feels like it's unfair i never got what i wanted. I just came to experience joy for 5 minutes lol and the only love i had was fake.
I also feel bad i didn't help animals as much as i should have.
I keep procrastinating making a drs appointment. I did see a dr last year and told them i was concerned cause this weight loss has been happening for longer than a year, it's just that now i'm getting to a weight where it's getting scary low.
They took blood and said everything was normal and that was it.
When I call them again I will ask if they have some cancer screenings for poor people lmao
the best that i can do with getting a diagnosis is that it will let me quit my job without as much guilt.
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kala and june (I've become so very attached to june just fyi lol)?
What is your muse’s opinion about flower crowns?
Does your muse like rain?
Is your muse good with keeping on schedule for meetings, appointments, or events, or are they always late? Or, are they always a bit early?
Does your muse prefer coffee or tea?
[ask game]
Hehehe June is spreading like a fungus >:]
❀: What is your muse’s opinion about flower crowns?
Kala: Lovely! In general she likes flowers as an accessory a lot, and feels very pristine and pretty when Ali or Zev or Rica braids flowers into her beard or hair :)
June: Not really for her, but pretty on others! She'll help decorate Bull's horns in flowers, or make a crooked (<- not on purpose, she just isn't very good at it lol) little crown for Cullen because it seems to get him flustered in a good way (he doesn't tell her abt the whole Fereldan flower crown proposal thing). She might even let Cole put Flowers in her hair, but just because it's Cole.
☂: Does your muse like rain?
Kala: Sort of? It took some time to get used to it, but Ferelden has a lot of it, so it was unavoidable in any case lol. She does love mud and the fresh smell of petrichor, but rain is also annoying and inconvenient a lot of the time and changes the feel and sound of everything which is disorienting, so at the end of the day her opinion is split. Definitely doesn't hate it, though.
June: Likes rain! Except when she hates it. It can get in the way no question, and she has cursed rain more than once when it hit while they were out on missions with no quick way to get dry, or when it messed with her magic setups and made combat needlessly difficult (her main elements are fire and lighting, after all). When she has a choice to go out in the rain though? Take a steed and race through the rain? Sit up on a roof and get lost in the soundscape? Wonderful.
⌚: Is your muse good with keeping on schedule for meetings, appointments, or events, or are they always late? Or, are they always a bit early?
Kala: Her inner clock def got messed up when she came to the surface; what do you mean there is a light/dark cycle? What do you mean it changes depending on region and time of year? And she has to readjust every time she comes back to the surface from Orzammar or the Deep Roads. But when it comes to keeping to a schedule or estimating times, she is on point.
June: She is. So Bad at keeping track of time. Time is slippery and fake and she has a very very poor sense of the passage of time, as well as an ever active train of thought, so remembering appointments and the like is super hard for her. She tries, for Josie's sake, but it's still very hard for her without constant reminders from outsite.
☕: Does your muse prefer coffee or tea?
Kala: I wanna say tea, and fruity teas especially. Bean juice is.. okay. She likes the kick it gives, and she likes the bitter ones, but would rather drink black tea instead, honestly.
June: Not a big fan of either, but if she had to choose, then coffee. "Drink coffe" they said, "it will keep you awake and focused" they said. All lies. But still better than leaf water.
#ty for the ask! these were fun hehe :]#oc: june trevelyan#oc: kalagna brosca#my ocs#oc ask game/ my answers
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day 22 - monday, october 23, 2023
안녕! good news -- i weighed in at 76 kg! i don't know if you guys remember, but i've been 77 kg (i think two weeks ago, i said i was 76 kg, but it was a typo and i was actually a little under 77 kg LOL sorry guys) for two weeks, so i was pleasantly surprised when i weighed in today week and found that i lost a kg (about 2 pounds). it was very surprising, considering the fact that it wasn't my best week in terms of diet, and i was feeling really down on myself. this good news has inspired me to work even harder this week to stay on track!
i didn't eat *perfectly* today, but tomorrow i have to get some bloodwork done (>_<) and unfortunately the appointment is in the afternoon and i'm supposed to fast until after, so i won't be able to eat until dinnertime! it's unfortunate, but the benefit of me eating kind of poorly today is that it'll give me some energy to get through the day tomorrow :( i am in no way endorsing starving yourself in any shape or form! i'm only doing this because the doctors need me to fast so it won't affect the tests being done (and i will definitely feast healthily once i get back from the doctor LOL)
in other news, my dance performance is this wednesday, and my instructor was not being nice at practice today :( but fortunately (not to toot my own horn) i'm good, so he didn't say anything to me.
also, i've noticed lately that i've fallen into random pits of depression throughout the day (typically at night), and then i'm *okay* (not peachy keen, but just okay) after a little bit, and i'm wondering if it's a result of my birth control. i do take my birth control around dinnertime, so that could explain why the depressive mood swings are at night. wonyoungism is about being happy AND healthy, so i'm trying to think of ways to help my mood too instead of focusing solely on my body. remember: the body won't feel right if the mind isn't also there! i won't feel happy with the outside if i'm not happy on the inside (this goes for everything, whether it's body dysmorphia, or otherwise!). hoping for a good week! 화이팅!
^^ for some reason, she reminds my of one of my professors LOL she's so elegant
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