#I don't know if I'm communicating it well
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I really hate how ads have taken over the internet. On one hand, I know that hosting a website costs money, right? And ad revenue is one of the simplest ways for free-to-use websites to cover their operating costs.
My question is-- and I would genuinely love an answer-- is this ever going to stop? Tumblr ran for a long time without ads. So did Youtube. I know that the cost of hosting so much media has gone up, but there are a lot of users on these websites that make the content that drives people to use the service that don't see any of the money generated by this revenue. On Youtube, there's at least a way for creators to make some money from what they do. For most, it isn't much, but the opportunity is there. On Tumblr, well... the ability to convert the visibility of my blog into any financial gain practically nonexistent, though they did at one point promise that users would be able to make money from ads run on their blogs (whatever happened to that, Staff?).
"You can pay to avoid seeing ads!" Tumblr says, as if the views on my main blog alone over the past few years have not generated more than enough ad revenue to cover the price they're asking me to pay, the person who is actively making content that brings eyes to their ads.
I'm not mad at Tumblr for hosting ads. I get that it has to happen because it's the easiest way to keep the site free, and honestly, I imagine Tumblr's staunch opposition to monetization has been a real obstacle for the team building Tumblr. But at the same time, it feels like yet another small concession in the usability of the site. I'm tired of ads that auto-play with blaring audio while I'm scrolling. I'm tired of adds that, if I touch them while trying to scroll past them, take me to an external site. Outside of tumblr, I'm tired of looking for information online only to get a webpage that's 95% ads and otherwise illegible. Hell, I recently got an ad on Discord. Was it unobtrusive? Maybe. But it was there, for the first time, and I know that won't be the end.
I know the first reply I'm going to get on this is "use adblock", and yes, that's a solution, but think about how much the landscape for media has changed in just ten years.
Popular forums are basically gone outside of reddit.
Youtube, without Red, is ad hell. You can't watch more than 3-4 minutes of video without getting sent to marketing hell.
Instagram, Tumblr, Twitter-- it's terrible. I firmly believe they've manufactured a worse experience through the implementation of ads to convince you to buy into their premium services.
Just Check out this video of Penguinz0 trying to watch a video on a third-party site.
There's discussion of putting ads into video games.
Remember when games didn't include micro-transactions? Blizzard is charging $70 for one mythic skin. You could almost buy Overwatch 1 twice-over at that price-point.
Influencers make a living by making their lives into advertisements.
Youtube has retaliated against users using ad-block on non-chrome browsers by artificially inflating the load times of it's videos.
What can we do about this? I imagine companies see it as an infinite money hack; users can't stop companies from hosting ads, and the action they could take to voice their displeasure-- leaving the site, using other competitive services-- has been all but obliterated thanks to the homogeneity of popular social media outlets. If someone is truly so incensed about ads, well-- it isn't like they have to engage with them, right? They can enroll in a cheap, auto-renewing service to get rid of ads entirely. Well, wait, the price of premium might just have to go up. Don't worry, it's auto-renewing! You won't even notice it. Oh, no, it's got to go up again, you won't even notice it.
There's no incentive for them to cap this behavior, and no way for us as users to pressure them to do so. We create these spaces; we fill them with color, art, activism, community, and the companies that ride on the tailcoat of the spaces we create tell us to give them more. What comes next?
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Workin Boys was literally the only thing that saved Hidgens from being flanderized beyond recognition
(Spoilers for Workin' Boys)
So what I think a lot of people don't give much thought to is how much Professor Hidgens as a character has evolved since tgwdlm, essentially becoming a parody of himself.
Think of Hidgens as a character. What are his defining traits?
Did you think about how he is a doomsday prepper who has been stockpiling supplies for 20 years? Because that's how he's introduced in Guy.
Did you try think about how he has a weird relationship with his Alexa? Or did we forget about that?
In fact, for the majority of TGWDLM, Hidgens' main character trait is that he says weird shit with a Doc Brown voice.
The whole concept of Workin Boys isn't even introduced until the last half hour of the show. That's where he reveals his real motivation: to live out the musical he wrote as a young man.
Actually, no, that's not right. Because his motivation was world peace, and Workin Boy's was just a convenient means to that end.
I won't disregard the fact that Hidgens clearly has an emotional connection to the show, but in Guy, it serves as a punchline rather than a driving force.
So now we have this lovely, morally-grey, multi-layered character that we can work with.
By the time we get to Time Bastard, the fandom is expecting a show stopping number reference, so of course we get that.
But at this point, Hidge is still that multi-layered character. Sure, showstopping number gets a callback, but we also get a callback to his strange relationship with robots. They make up an equal part of him as a character.
By the time we get to Honey Queen, we have lost several aspects of Hidgens altogether. He is no longer a doomsday-believing recluse. He is now active in the community and his only motivation is to get his show funded. He brings it up at every chance he gets, and his loyalties lie with whoever is more likely to make Workin Boys happen.
So how the hell do we come back from this?
Well, at first it seems like we're not going to. Workin' Boys (the short film) comes out, and it looks like we're leaning even harder into this aspect of his personality than before. But then we get hit with something we're not expecting: Hidge gets the Ted Spankoffski treatment.
I'm referring to Ted's backstory in Time Bastard, where we learn that all of his actions actually stem from a single, traumatic moment, which in his eyes forced him to alter his behaviour, so as to not go through the same trauma again.
Can you see where I'm going with this?
The backstory we get from Hidgens certainly puts things in perspective. No, it's not enough to explain why his behaviour has been so laser-focused on this one show, but it's a start.
Then comes the part that changes everything.
It's left up to interpretation whether these ghosts Hidge is seeing are actually there, or just hallucinations, but that doesn't really matter.
Hidgens had been through a horrible experience, so traumatizing that he is still literally being haunted by it decades later. For one reason or another, he believes that the only way he can relieve himself of these ghosts is by bringing honor to the loved ones he's lost and telling their stories.
This reveal recontextualizes everything we know about Hidgens as a character. Suddenly, this isn't a story about some guy who just really wants to put on his musical, this is a story about guilt. Of course it would be the driving factor in his life. Look at him apologizing to his boys. He feels like he is slandering their memories with everything that goes wrong for the show.
This is supported even more with the ending.
Henry Hidgens dies with a smile on his face, believing he's finally achieved his goal: to tell the real story of what happened that night.
It finally makes sense as to why we've lost those parts of him--we've retconned the character by revealing that all that simplification of his goals and traits wasn't flanderization at all, but a steady downward spiral of grief over his loved ones. It wasn't Hidgens getting a little too into being a playwrite, it was him descending into madness caused by the inability to please the part of himself (or the literal ghosts, if that's how you interpret it) that believes he's not doing enough.
And if not for Workin' Boys, he would have remained that one-dimensional character.
#starkid#hatchetfield#npmd#tgwdlm#hatchetverse#team starkid#professor hidgens#henry hidgens#jeff blim#nightmare time#nightmare time 2#nmt#nmt2#character analysis#analysis#rose rabbles#honey queen#time bastard#the guy who didn't like musicals
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hellooo, some reassuring words 🫶 so, i know the upfronts have us all gone crazy and i totally get it - it would be great for my mental health to get renewal news asap too. maybe you've heard that 3 body problem was renewed, a show that came out a month earlier than dead boy detectives (congrats to them). a renewal for dbd now would be veeery earlier (but appreciated so give it to me) - less than a month after the show has been released. they did say dbd is getting mentioned so if it hasn't been so far, who knows what's to come? the list on twitter mentioned shows that were gonna come out later this year. we know for a fact that we're not getting a second season this early so no wonders it wasn't included. the press release also didn't mentioned the sandman and we know that has been renewed and is definitely gonna come out.
upfronts aside, have you all noticed that every social media account - netflix, warner bros, etc. - have been talking about dead boy detectives season 1 specifically? now, coming from the lockwood fandom i can tell you that this is a very good sign. like very good. lockwood has been canceled about 3 months after its release with no mention on social media, they were trying to pretend that show never existed. keep in mind that we're just 3 weeks after dbd release and we are getting lots of interviews and social media posts. would've been great to get that before the show was released but at this point i take all that i can get. we've also all noticed that netflix has a shit record of canceling fantasy/ghost shows so at this point it seems like they may need to prove a point. a huge part that is worth a mention and may help us with a renewal is the big part of the queer community + variety of characters. what might also help is that people like sza or misha collins have shown love and support and actively asked for a second season.
views on the show may have not been what we hoped for but: have you taken a closer look at the top 10 for this week (may 6 - 12) specifically? 4th - 10th place have less than 5 million views. and remember, they're the top ten + most watched shows for this week. dbd had 4.7 million views in it's first week of release (april 29 - may 5) which is - again, lower than 5 million - but ranked top 3 with that. people have been very vocal about the fact they're reluctant to start a new show because of cancelation news. and numbers like this definitely show that and how hesitant everyone is. i'm pretty sure netflix is aware of that or has at least seen concern online. every comment section is filled, asking for season 2. and i'm sure a renewal announcement as soon as possible would lead to a major boost in views. it would switch from "i don't want to watch this show because i might not get more" to "i know another season will come out so i'm definitely gonna watch it now".
also, neil gaiman is included & it is part of the sandman universe. i don't think that needs further explanation.
i could very well mention even more but i do think we're good for now.
with love - your optimistic capricorn
#dead boy detectives#dead boy detectives agency#dbd#netflix#also we have a big snake a giant spider the night nurse angie the sprites AND#charles and edwin#to send their way#if i were them i would've announced the renewal before the show was out#ok thinking about this#maybe don't send edwin he'd be doomed#take it from george
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So, this is it. The end of Rooster Teeth. The end of something I spent half of my life watching. I got into RT through randomly stumbling across Season 1 of Death Battle by chance and I never looked back. I spent more than half of my life watching their stuff, laughing along with their jokes, and being inspired by the people who made it. They were a source of joy in my life, especially in times when I really needed it. The talent and passion of those that worked there always shined through on everything they did. To those who worked there, I'm sorry it ended the way it did, and I wish them the best of luck as you go forwards. I'll always remember the heart and soul they put in, the engrossing stories they told, and hilarious insanity you really can't find anywhere else.
But, while there was a lot of good, there was also a lot of bad. The crunch, the toxic bro culture, the sexual predator that worked there for 12 years, it was a mess. It is horrible that any of this happened at all, and to those who were effected by it, I am so sorry you had to go through that. I felt terrible about being sad it closing for this reason, but after some reflection, I think what I'm really sad about is how much it meant to people. Me, the other fans, and all the employees, anyone who saw the goodbye stream could testify to that.
From that shared meaning spawned a community that I was a part of. One that unquestionably had a lot of problems as well, (I'm definitely not going to miss the anti-woke grifters when they inevitably move on to the next thing), but a community nonetheless. I don't really talk about my personal life on here much but, I'm not good with social interactions or maintaining relationships with people I don't see daily. I haven't ever really had a job before despite my attempts to get one, and well, given that I want to work in the TV/Film industry and the state that it's currently in...yeah. I sometimes feel like a failure, wonder why I should even bother trying.
But with RT, I had a community of people who were like me. People who I could nerd out with and not really worry about alienating. People I could laugh and cry with. I felt like I had a place here like I never really did elsewhere. One of my big regrets is that I never had the opportunity to go to a fan event and meet others in my community in person. But the good news is, despite the company closing, the community is still going to stick around for a long time. The fanmade archives are a thing, and many of the shows are either already going to continue, or in talks to continue.
Tonight, I decided to watch one final thing on their website and I chose Red vs Blue Season 13, partly because it's one of my favorite, if not the favorite, things this media company ever put out. But I also chose it because of the ending. Because even when things are bleak, even when the future is uncertain, there will always be hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that your friends (and Rooster Teeth employees in this case) will all eventually be okay. In other words, because in the end, you just have to have faith. Ain't that a bitch?
Being a fan wasn't always easy, but I look around at everyone talking about what Rooster Teeth and its community meant to them, and I know that is why we were here. And I'm glad I was here with all of you.
❤️🤍🖤💛, 🟨🟨🟨🟨⬛, 🔴🆚🔵
#I just wanted to say thank you#all of you#for everything#rooster teeth#rwby#red vs blue#rvb#achievement hunter#camp camp#death battle#the slow mo guys#on the spot#rooster teeth animated adventures#< just wanted to list a few of the things I was into that was made by them#it really was a lot wasn't it#personal
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Hi - rereading DWTS au (which I love tremendously) and I'm curious - after the contemporary routine in chapter 8, Lena whites out and doesn't hear any of the feedback. Did you write feedback from the judges/do you know what the judges said? I'd love to hear it! (Especially since I think Cat knew the entire plot, including that they were fake-dating, and I'd love to get her public feedback in that moment.)
I had some dialogue sketched out, but I found it slowed the pace down a little too much so I took it out. But here's the gist of it!
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"Have we ever seen anyone kiss on this stage?" William says, turning to look at the crowd with a big grin. "I think this might be a first!"
Lena can hardly hear the applause. She can hardly even focus on William's voice - she's too concerned with how stiff Kara feels beside her. Kara's arm around her is usually loose, easy, comforting - now it feels like Kara is doing her best to touch Lena as little as possible.
"Incredible performance, and incredible chemistry as usual, ladies," Will says with an air of finality. "I guess you just get caught up in the moment when you're in love!"
Kara's hand twitches hard where it sits on Lena's waist.
"As soon as that setpiece came out, I couldn't stop thinking about whether you were going to do exactly what you did," J'onn says, his face cracked in a rare smile. "Not many would have the kind of trust it takes to do that move. But you did. And you did it well."
Lena chances a look up at Kara's face. She's smiling, but it looks fixed. Like a mask to cover the turmoil Lena can see behind her eyes.
"You two have been moving up and up, haven't you?" Cat says, with far more clarity and understanding than Lena would like. "Getting better with every week. But this week, something different happened on this stage."
The crowd cheers again, but Lena wishes they wouldn't. Cat's observation is too much, too observant, and she wants more than anything to sprint backstage and not listen to the rest. But she's anchored here at Kara's side, being faced with a woman she's never spoken to directly who seems to know exactly what transpired a few minutes ago.
"What you have is rare," Cat says, almost urgently. "So very rare. Keep that connection clear. Communicate with each other on and off the stage, and I'll kiss J'onn square on the lips if I don't see you here next week."
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I'm so glad you like it! Honestly, I'm pretty jealous as well. Though, I don't doubt he has the white noise generator and uses it on more than just those trips. Could you imagine Bruce and the other Bats going to the Supers, Clark, Kon, Kara, and Jon (who if I remember correctly has the best ears out of all of them) and when asked to track him down by sound, all of them are just like, "Red Robin? Oh no we can't do that." and when asked why, Clark gets nervous and says, "well. None of us have ever been able to hear his heart beat. We don't know what tech or magic he uses but *none* of us have ever been able to hear his heart. Not since he was 15. I asked you one time why I couldn't hear him and you just hummed at me!"
Meanwhile panic is rising in not just the hero community, but also the villain one. Red Robin has a *lot* of connections and if someone took or heaven forbid killed him? The Gothem Rouges remember what happened when the second Robin died, they know how bad Batman got. Now the Robin who saved them from him is gone? And now Nightwing and Red Hood and Spoiler and all the rest are on a Hunt, getting more violent like Batman did? Oh no, they are all going into hiding until this blows over.
Then there's also the villains connected to members of Young Justice. The Flash's Rouges Gallery hears that one of the Mini Speedsters is in a grief spiral and could end up seriously hurting them because one of his best friends has gone missing and is presumed dead? Fuck No. They are keeping their noses clean until it's done. So are the people who tend to antagonize Metropolis because Kon is *not* holding back. He grabbed Matallo and used his TTK to make him fall into thousands of pieces and then just stared down at him with a cold look of anger before leaving. Dr Light when to the ER when he tried to mess with the Teen Titans while both Dick and Damian were still on call and Tim was missing.
On day four of Tim being missing, Damian's head suddenly snaps up and he says, "I need to check a tracker." and the rest of the Bats follow him to the bat computer. When asked what he is doing, Damian admits, "a few years ago when I still hated Timothy, I put a tracker inside of his favorite camera, which he just so happened to bring with him on his trip. It may still be there and if he has his camera-" a few moments later, there is a ping on the screen showing the tracker is o the move, currently crossing the boarder from Kentucky into West Virginia. Tim has no idea what hell is coming for him, mostly because he figured that the Bats knew he did this every other month to unwind and relax. Traveling on a train for 4 to 6 days is his version of a vacation.
Glad for the add on. However, I think the angst reason for Tim "not having a heartbeat" would be because Kon died.
After Kon died, Tim created the machine to make sure no one else could hear his heartbeat (especially because Kon wasn't around for that anymore). When Kon came back, it was still a rough time for Tim. He was practically a feral and distrustful raccoon. Since he's still working on trusting people again, his heartbeat is still hidden (plus Kon hasn't brought it up, so Tim kind of forgot).
The stuff about the rogues is so true! That's why a few fanworks call Tim the "heart" of the batfam. I think all members play important roles and will similarly be missed. The heart comment is a cute nod to his role as a bridge and leash (he helped B obtain a larger support group and prevented him from killing people).
I like that this has Damian being the one to find out. Though Tim is grateful there's was a way for his family to find him while they were freaked out (he thought they knew about it), he's also exasperated at the tracker's existence. He probably pulls a prank on Damian for it.
Also, Tim 100% brings this incident back up with Bruce whenever the man complains about Tim's habit of overworking. He looks his father in the eyes and says, "The last time I took a vacation, you freaked out and mobilized the entire hero community to find me." They both know that's not what happened, but Tim is also not wrong.
#dc comics#tim drake#dc universe#thank you for the ask!!!!#dc au#damian wayne#bruce wayne#kon el superboy
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some updates for people so you know where we are here at desceros dot com:
i took the last couple days off of doing anything fandom-related to recollect myself, and i'm in a really good mindspace now thanks to my friends, my partner, and all of you. thank you, thank you, thank you.
i'm really itching to write again, which is super exciting! i have a brief collab that i'm doing with truffle, and i'm also going to be working on the next chapter of symphony. i think it's about time we hear about that history between viola-chan and alopex, don't you? ;)
also, i've got, like, holy shit a lot of messages of support in my inbox over the shitshow that rocked us all a few days ago. i'm not going to answer them because honestly i'm really tired of wasting brain cells on the whole situation and those people don't deserve more of my attention than they've already gotten; but know that i read every single one of them and i really, really, really appreciate everyone understanding my concern, supporting my new boundaries, and sending me such kind words. it really reinforces my thoughts that i made the right decision to stay. this is such a good community, and i'm glad i get to keep you :)
thank you especially to those of you that came off-anon. i won't ask you to do so in the future in order to keep interacting, and i will keep your identities secret, but i really appreciate the gesture of trust. i'm still keeping anon asks open since i know a lot of people are a bit shy, but it means a lot that you were like hey, this is who i am, i'm an adult, breathe easy.
anywho! barring someone hitting me between the eyes with a fic idea, after the next symphony chapter i'm going to be doing the house of leaves-inspired leo fic. that one's going to be really fun to write, and the people i've told little details about it have started vibrating enough to power a small country, so i think everyone's going to find it really interesting!! should be another symphony chapter after that, and then i'd like to do the leo fic for the dayjob au. that one is... well. teehee. :)
okay, that should give everyone an idea of where i am on working on things. i look forward to sharing all of it with you!! :D
#text tag#anyway. back to your scheduled desceros experience of turtle art text posts and deranged purple and or blue posting
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So. Basingstoke Comic Con.
This is going to be a rant. I'm German, so I have a PhD in a) complaining and b) being blunt. Perfect combination for this post. It's going to be long, so buckle up.
I give explicit permission to repost, reblog, screenshot and post to other websites, comment, tag, and add to this in any way you see fit. Feel free to write your own experiences and criticism.
It's a modified version of the feedback email I sent them. Since then, they have put out a statement which directly contradicts some of the stuff other people have told us (and have evidence for) and which blames everyone from attendees to guests to staff to the weather.
First of all, despite all the mess with the actual con, I had a ton of fun. I hadn't seen some of these people in 20 years. I hadn't met some of y'all before, and I talked to so many people this weekend. I don't regret a single meeting, hug, smile, or laugh. I do wish however for the organizers to step on legos for the rest of their lives.
Frankly, they had a huge business opportunity and they blew it. They could have established themselves as THE Stargate convention in Europe. People were taking 15-hour flights to be there. We were willing to spend hundreds, in some cases thousands of pounds. With that lineup, they blew every other current convention out of the water. If they had done this right, this would have been a huge success and an absolute no-brainer for years to come. They could have been one of those cons that sell out in minutes.
Instead, they let greed and poor organization guide them. They severely underestimated the size of the Stargate fandom. They didn't bother to learn about what the fans wanted and who the guests actually were.
A few things stood out for me:
Health and safety at the venue. No a/c, running heaters (!!) in some rooms, not enough opportunities to get water, way too many people for this size hotel. We are lucky there wasn't a panic or more severe injuries. Crowd control was non existent.
An impossible, ever-changing schedule. You can't put talks back to back, or meet&greets, or photo ops. Everybody knows you will run overtime and then the whole thing collapses. Changes were not communicated. Nobody knew what was going on.
Poorly trained staff. No staff meetings beforehand. Staff had no way to communicate with each other. Seriously, give them radios! Some of them didn't now the names of the guests or in which autograph group they were.
People could not get the things they paid for. Out of all the autographs included in my pass, I only got one, and only because a friend got it for me. [Marion, you're a fucking rockstar] I don't even want to know how many people will be attempting chargebacks on their credit cards in the coming days.
And the most important thing, the one that makes everyone I talked to the angriest: The way they treated the guests was appalling. They are such generous, hard-working people, and BCC shamelessly took advantage of that. Richard Dean Anderson was signing until after 1 am. A 74-year-old man who just wants to make his fans happy.
[BCC are now saying they were told he was a „slow signer“, aka someone who actually takes their time by talking to fans when signing autographs. Oh really? Then why did you continue to sell autographs well into Sunday when it was clear that there was no way he could get through them all in a reasonable time??]
David Blue was setting up his own autograph table. Several Atlantis actors went and got more of their headshots (by taking pictures in the photo room and printing them) because they ran out. Joe Flanigan tried to bring some order to the chaos more than once. He went full John Sheppard in the photo op room and took charge. We are lucky they're such sweet souls and didn't raise hell then and there. Nobody would have blamed them.
Staff were amazing and tried to make the best with what little support they were given. Kathleen, Finn and Nick (with the Stick!) especially, and so many others whose names I sadly didn't get. They worked so hard, never lost their humor, and tried to help as much as they could.
This disaster is entirely on management. It's a failure of leadership and an example of what not to do when you're running an event.
If you want to put on a convention, you need to go to people who have experience and listen to them. You need to attend several cons before even thinking about doing one yourself. And before, during and after, you need to take care of your people. You need to take care of your staff, of your guests, of the fans. You need to adjust the size of the event to the size of the venue, or vice versa. You need to actually be interested in this event beyond the money it will earn you. You need to know when you bit off more than you can chew.
I'm not hoping for a better one next year, because all of us said we won't be back. What I do hope is that hey sincerely apologize to the guests and at least double what money was raised for charity.
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Hello my lovely fandom :) I hope you are doing well. I can't believe we are at the first half of the finale it's unreal. For only having 10 episodes they've really made them count I will have to say. The writing has been so good this season. Killing me softly but so good. Can only imagine had we had a full season what they could've done. But tis not good to dwell on that ha Let us get started.
6x09 The Squeeze
Ugh poor Tim already breaking my heart 5 seconds into this. It's how he’s looking at the crime scene that gets me. Eric conveys so much with just a look. Always blown away by him. His look is saying so much as he looks on at the chaos. He is processing so much in this moment. Bless Grey showing up to break him out of it. Loving the hat btw Wade. Rocking it good sir. Tim letting him know immediately about his suspicions about Dr. London. Grey telling him to be careful with such accusations.
I love Grey protecting Tim with this friggin Detective Pearson putz. Coming in way too hot. No one I would rather have there to have his back though. Well other than Lucy. But Grey is the the right one to have there in this moment. Always protects his people. Hate this guy already. Wanting to crush Tim to advance his career. Just looks like such a weasel. *grumble.*
John was not ready the rant Lucy sent his way when he asked if she was ok. His face lmao Our girl has a lot of feelings ok? Lucy says she’s good. But you’re not my friend. That rant proving she is anything but ok. Sounds like she is trying to convince herself more than anything else. She is lost in life and where she really is emotionally right now. This scene is proof of that. I know people feel she is being isolated this year. I think the writers are doing this intentionally. I don't see it as bad writing which I've seen mentioned. I don't agree. Because it's very in character IMO. Feel like its setting something up as well. Also she is also the one isolating herself.
Even before Tim broke them up she was doing this. Look at her behavior the entire season. Especially after the exam. Handling everything on her own. Making rash decisions without input from anyone. Not even Tim. Hello Jeff Budney ...Just like Tim isn't open with anyone but Lucy she is the same way. Other than Tim she isn't very open with people about deep personal things. About what's affecting her. So this fits. She even shut Tim out of that situation in 6x04 in her decision making. Not since Jackson has anyone really made it in other than Tim. So this is pretty in character for her to isolate. People may feel it's more Tim but he's not the only one.
His is just showcased far more. Her's has been on display this entire season. Lucy and Tim are scarily alike in this way. She is a control freak and like Tim in the way she shuts people out. How she wants to handle it herself. I mean they have the same fatal flaw. It's why their communication became the problem it did. As much as Tim has growth to do so does our girl. That explosion of emotion just shows how very not ok Lucy is. I'm sure come summer or mid summer with the extended hiatus I might have a more fleshed out analysis of her. But she definitely isn't ok that much i can confidently say now.
I adore Angela calling Lucy to give her a heads up. Always looking out for both of them. Guardian Angel that woman. Friggin Nolan in the back asking what’s happening? She’s kinda busy John so hush. That concerned wifey voice is instantly present on the phone with Lopez. Her turning away from them both once it's about Tim.
This quickly became a personal phone call. Her reaction when she hears this. Oh my lord Closing her eyes. Taking in the severity of the situation. You know her immediate reaction was how he was. How was he feeling? Did he need her? The worry settling in and multiplying quickly.
The wifey vibe is continued when Tim calls John to be his union rep. Ugh killing me how worried she is for him. Concern seeping out of her in this moment. Despite everything that's her person and she still loves him so much. Her first instinct is to be there for him. My heart. Lucy asking Nolan how he sounded? Her tone bleeding worry.
Reason she asks is because Lucy can pull everything she needs to know from that alone. Knows him so well. Her innate need to be there for him. Regardless of all that has happened between them. Melissa killing it with the concern in her voice when asking how he sounded. *heart clutch* You can FEEL her worry.
Tim is so anxious waiting for Nolan. I wanna hug him. Jumps up minute he gets there. Telling him they’re gonna hang this around his neck. That now that Mad Dog is dead their scape goat is gone. Idk I would trust John alone for this. But Tim doesn’t have a lot of options right now.... I will say John proves me wrong later in this ep but my first thought was not 'Nolan should spearhead this.'
But look at Tim reaching out for help. Doing this so differently than how he handled Ray. I’m so proud of him. Taking a totally different approach on this one. Not isolating himself and reaching out for help through proper channels this time. Yeah Dr London sucks for being dirty but Tim has had some growth due to it. I couldn't be prouder of him if I tried. I really hope we continue his therapy journey in S7.
I hate this scene so very much. It was killing me to watch it unfold. She’s using his sessions against him and I wanna cry. It makes me sick tbh. And not even real info about his sessions either. It’s clear she doesn’t wanna be doing this though. Doesn't excuse her but you can see it's not something she is excited to be doing. Her conscience slowly eating at her. What do they have on her? I'm so curious.
This schmuck coming at Grey I wanna deck him. The look on Wade's face you can tell he does too. The amount of blatant aggression and disrespect making his blood boil. Telling Grey he favors his friendships over the city. Was making my Italian temper flare up so very much. Coming at Tim SO hard it was like he wanted to be found out. Bias little shit.
I love the minute Angela hears about Tim's admin leave she calls Wes. Angela saying he better give her a heads up if they're charging him. That she’s standing by Tim a 1,000 percent. Calling him family. Getting all misty over here. Angela loves him so much. He's very lucky to have someone so amazing in his corner. Love me some Angela Lopez. Loyal to a fault. Just like me fiercely protects and defends who she loves. Coming at her own husband to defend him. Adore this woman.
Can I just say I adore Lucy seeking him out. Not only that but making sure she has a private moment with him by pulling that stop button. Telling him she is still mad at him. That this doesn’t change anything. (and yet it changes everything IMO) Tim is so confused because the last thing he expected was this hug. Or her empathy at all. Hell when I saw the promo last week I wasn't either. It's the way he just MELTS into her like butter. His whole body relaxes. You can see the anxiety just drain out of him. Clinging to her like a life raft. Emotionally she is in this moment. Holding her as close as he physically can. He is so grateful for this moment to hold her again.
You can tell this is the first time in a long time he's felt whole. Felt peace of any kind just by being in her arms. This hug is so beautiful you guys. I'm tearing up just writing about it. The way she envelops him so completely. Such raw emotion in her voice asking if he’s ok? His answer makes me wanna cry. ‘I am now.’ Reminiscent of 5x21 when he said the same thing. He wasn’t ok till he heard her voice. The same thing remains the same here. He wasn't ok till he was holding her again. My damn heart. I love how she tightens her hold on him when he says this line.
Like she also can't get close enough to him either. They're just clinging to each other for dear life. This hug gave me so much hope. You can see how in love they both still are with one another. I mean my goodness the way she straightens his collar afterwards and touches his arm lovingly. Reminds me of the lint picking moment from 5x12. Still doing wifey things and can’t even help it. That wifey energy coming off her in waves. It's automatic when they part. Just seems so natural. After being apart physically since 6x06 .They easily fall right back into it. So damn nice to see. Feels like I'm breathing for the first time since 6x06 ended. I'm dying in the best way everyone.
Lucy then re-opens the elevator and they share some VERY loaded looks before she departs. I’m not crying you are.... God I love Tim and Angela’s friendship so much. She is willing do whatever for her bestie. She also is wanting so badly to be tagged in for this. To protect him in any way she can.
Tim seems confident in his play even if Angela doesn’t. Letting her know he's handling this one differently than Ray. Do love her saying different isn't her haha God he's lucky to have all these amazing women in his corner. I adore their friendship so very much. I need more of it in S7 writers I just do.
Really loving Lucy going UC for Harper and Lopez for this case. I think this is part of that setting something up I mentioned earlier. Lucy breaking my heart with the detective comment though. *sad sigh* But classic Lucy to have 8 covers ready to go. God I love her. The most Lucy Chen thing ever to have that many on deck. Not only that she's been growing them for months.
I love this human so very much it's insane. It's no wonder Tim is so damn gone for her. She is the cutest most prepared little nerd and I adore her for it. The look between Lopez and Harper is too damn funny. Tim would not be surprised by this info at all LOL Also her alter ego hitting close to home right now. 'A little lost in life....'
Really enjoyed this shot of Lucy and the nanny debriefing her before we head into the scene. This guy gives me the creeeeeeps. It's no wonder she didn't want to go back into that house. That dude looks like a sociopath. She can handle herself but good lord I hate her being near him. Dude has dead eyes too. The wife looks like she is a prisoner.... The whole scene made me uneasy and nervous for Lucy to be there.
Never thought I would say this....But I’m impressed with Nolan and how he’s handling this situation. That's right you actually read that. LOL You're not crazy. Or seeing things. He’s doing Tim some serious justice right now. Rattling all the cages of the potential dirty cops she’s seeing just by being here. Confronting her like this to see if it bears any fruit for them.
Having Smitty stakeout her office because he knows it'll make her uneasy and easy way to log who comes. Has Nell pulling data for him with police fails for last 6 months from dispatch. Also yay return of Nell. Love her. Honestly first episode in a long time I enjoyed his character. So well done John you pulled off quite the miracle here.
Love Grey in this scene. Hell in this episode really. Papa bear ready to devour anyone threatening his kids at it's finest. This scene was cathartic to watch after this putz had been stomping around. Acting like he owns the damn place. Smearing Tim's name all over the place in the process. Threatening Grey in his tirade. Wade's final straw is him coming after Nolan/Celina.
You can watch Pearson visibly shrink when Wade is done tearing him a new one. Doesn't say a damn word after he tells him to stay in his Iane. You tell 'em Wade. I was cheering him on this entire scene. Was a huge tell for Nolan and Celina as well. Nolan's tactic working very well. Outing him as dirty cop because of his outburst to them working Mad Dog's place plus confront Blair.
This scene makes me VERY nervous for Lucy. She did a really good job listening in till the damn toy. I mean she caught it before it hit floor. Unfortunately the friggin thing goes off with it's song. Giving away not only her position but her potentially her cover. Because he finds it on the ground and has a menacing look on his face. Dude gives me the actual creeps. Well done to the actor cause he makes me wicked uncomfortable.
I don’t like the idea of Lucy going back into that house. Like at all. Extra backup or not. I think her cover is blown and sending her back is like sending her into the Lion's den. She is very competent and can handle herself. That doesn't mean sending her back in isn't extremely high risk. Especially with Monica buzzing around now. We'll see how that shakes out next ep. Kinda hoping it produces some Feral Tim if it goes sideways while she's in there. A girl can dream right?
Prepare yourself. I was once again was very impressed with Nolan in this episode. He did a really good job leading Celina and doing what Tim asked. Was smart about his moves. Bringing Smitty and Nell into it and getting the info he needed. Shaking trees and getting fruit from it. Using everything around him properly even Smitty LOL She's got some balls on her asking for complete immunity and a new life. Also Idk Nolan can promise any of these things.....But it'll be interesting see how the second half of this unfolds.
Now Eric had mentioned in an interview post 6x06 about communication for them in the finale. So I'm excited to see what that'll mean. Will they have a real convo? Idk but i'm excited about it. All I want is them to be in a better spot before S7. I never expected things to magically come back together by seasons end. It shouldn't be that way. Also the season too short for that.
The SL deserved time to breathe and develop a bit. My hope is we will be on our way to reconciliation by end of finale. That hug was a damn good start to that goal. As usual thank you to ALL that like, comment or reblog these. Truly mean that every single one means so much to me. Excited to see how this season ends.
~~~
Side notes- Non Chenford
Harper and Lopez proving what a bad ass duo they were through out the ep. I need more of this in s7 writers. These two woman are dynamos and I need more of it.
Can’t say I didn’t Miss Tim the rest of the ep but damn was it good. I love when they do ensemble cast stuff flexing what a good cast we have as a whole.
Wes standing up to that heavy was impressive and pretty attractive. He’s grown a lot as a character was nice to see.
Loved the ladies nailing that crooked detective. Amazing. Grey getting to put HIM on admin leave. Suck it you schmuck.
#Caitlin's mini reviews#chenford#6x09 The Squeeze#the rookie 6x09#tim x lucy#tim bradford#lucy chen#lucy x tim#otp: doing my job#otp: unless it is#eric winter#melissa o'neil
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So Never Again. Just saw this post and the way she looks up at him there is on a level with Mulder’s famous Fallen Angel eyes and his reaction to her? He doesn't melt? He chooses violence and being a dick? Please tell me why.
i LOVE this question because it is so easy to see it from scully's perspective. it's her episode. but you really have to think about mulder's perspective.
for mulder, this seems out of nowhere, and in his mind she was extremely inattentive with his informant on a case he's taking seriously. he doesn't understand what she's really asking or what the problem is, and a big part of that is she doesn't exactly either. it's almost like she's blaming him for the stand still in her life, but at the same time wants to be seen & appreciated (in a way that she understands, can feel, can see). and i don't think she could have figured it out the way she needed to with mulder. she needed the safety of talking to a stranger, someone inconsequential to her life. (like there's no way she could have that "other fathers" conversation with him lol) so ed jerse is the one to give her that. (she does with ed what she can't yet do with mulder. something neither of them are ready for and she isn't brave enough to do yet. and like. idk i just think she needed this! regardless of mulder lol)
like: "this isn't about you. or maybe it is, indirectly. i don't know." the one thing she got right is "i don't know" lol so of course mulder is confused!!
if you place leonard betts first, she's contemplating what she's leaving behind. has she had any impact working on the x files? on mulder? who is going to remember her? what evidence of her life will be left? in that office...it looks like she's had very little effect. (but i do not subscribe to this one.)
if never again is first, which i like better lollll (it makes more sense to me. i understand why people like lb first, it's more clear cut. it puts a reason behind her behavior. but i just don't think it quite fits. scully literally doesn't know what's wrong. if she was already worried about cancer, i think it would come across differently. but she's frustrated & confused and she wants for something she can't admit, express, pinpoint, articulate? idk what word i'm looking for lol) scully's just hit that point in her pattern again, her cycle...it took her four years, and after some rough cases (paper hearts – she couldn't help mulder despite how she tried, el mundo gira – a dead end. and idk, so many of their cases. and she's always wrong, he always does the crazy thing, he's always hurt)...well anyway, at the end he's still asking "all because i didn't get you a desk?" he still isn't quite understanding, until she says it's her life and he almost says "yes but it's become mine." he doesn't say it, they sit in silence, and in leonard betts, he tells her she did a good job & should be proud. all his little jokes like he's trying to make her laugh, to get back to their usual banter. because he wants to make her smile. so he understood at least a little by leonard betts. but they also come to a silent understanding. i just love the way kae talks about it. and i think the end is kind of the explanation for the beginning. the end is the real answer to the whole episode, and what it took to get there...and this post here, kae just understands him and talks about him in a way that i feel. it's exactly what i see in a way i could never articulate. (and she does my favorite thing!!! connects different moments. the characterization is so good.) and she has such a special insight to both of them, different patterns, but to me two sides of the same coin.
and so, either way, at the beginning of never again, he's completely thrown because he doesn't know. this is when their bad verbal communication and personal issues/insecurities/fears take hold. they're both so good at taking too much responsibility.
we're seeing into scully's mind a bit, but we aren't really seeing into his. but he's afraid, he doesn't want her to leave (something he's feared for a long time), he thinks space is the answer to whatever's going on. but he's also kinda needy and he can't just say that. so he calls her and they misunderstand each other again and she makes a date. he isn't trying to be an ass but he's scared & defensive, and he gets like that when she makes him nervous. like whenever she believes (beyond the sea, revelations, all souls, en ami). it feels like that to me. he's afraid, but this time he thinks he's the problem, their work is the problem. and he kinda said the worst thing he could say to her at that moment. "you were just assigned" — he has no idea how she understood that, how it hurts her. (and she's not thinking about how he means it, what he thinks/feels/fears.) and really, it's because she sucks at just saying the thing as much as he does. it takes them a long time to work out their direct communication. their unspoken communication, the way they work on their cases doesn't translate to their personal relationship. as intimate as their partnership is, working through their own issues takes time and it's those things that hinder them moving forward for so long. ya know?
i think @randomfoggytiger talks about it beautifully here — in depth essay on never again. here they touch on mulder's fear/walls & scully's insecurities/needs. it's a journey!! which they talk about here. and i forget what this one was (lol) but i'm sure i saved it for a reason: a little master post. i love the way foggy breaks things down, especially visually. it's something i could never do.
i also reblogged some other never again posts. not completely on topic but it's all connected!! (you can definitely go through my never again tag to see more probably too!)
#calimanc#asks#never again#dana scully#fox mulder#LITERALLY I DONT SAY ANYTHING#READ THE LINKED POSTS#lmaooooooo#my brain is an ouroboros tbh#mulder and scully#the x files
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I think this blog is blocked by fewer people that have heard the rumors and lies going around. I hope you'll read this. There are three sides to every story-- yours, theirs, and the truth.
I deserve to get my side out there so people can make informed decisions about who to follow or block, or whatever it is you need to do. It's okay not to support me, but do it for the right reasons.
I also run sysmedsaresexist, and I'm currently being accused of harassing a minor and sending random ass asks left, right and center.
Listen, if you got an ask where the person didn't say, "this is SAS," it's not from me. I HATE asks. On the rare occasion that I send them, I always tell people who I am. I am well aware that I'm a controversial figure. I want people to know who they're interacting with when I talk to them. I am old. It's important that I'm honest with the people I interact with. A lot of people really stepped up to support me, but I would like people to stop. Unfortunately, it's doing more harm than good.
With every one of these messages people send in support of me, the rumors get worse.
I want to defend myself, but I don't know how.
Send a vent to a vent blog that just actively lied about me? They won't post it. (They didn't, I just checked)
So I'll post it myself. You can make your own decision. All posts I've made on the topic are linked here (it's 5, compared to the DOZENS AEV has posted)
This will be my last post on the topic, and I hope that the people spreading these rumors will leave me alone. You've done more damage and harm to me than you know, and without any remorse or apology.
Ask sent to @anti-endo-haven :
I'm SAS and I'm so hurt.
I have not sent ANY anons to AEV, at all, at any point. I have not ASKED anyone to help me in this,
I made 5 posts. They have made about 50 at this point, all cruel.
The first was to AEV on their first post, which was NOT as rude as people say. I said, look webmd and mayo clinic isn't going to hold up to some of the articles that endos are throwing at us. Try some of these. I said, look, you're going to get really tired of hearing the same endo arguments. Here's some points you can throw back at them.
NOT TO MENTION THE MISINFORMATION IN THE POST. Dissociation is only trauma based? Incorrect. Maybe you should reconsider whether you're ready to be in these conversations.
That response was hidden.
The second post, I was correcting an endo that DID wasn't a trauma disorder. I tagged AEV and said, "see, you can be nice about corrections, and these are the kind of sources you should use."
I was blocked.
THIS IS WHEN I CHANGED LABELS. I was so disappointed in the community that I said fuck that, that's not what I want to be, I don't support this behavior. That's another person that AEV turned pro endo. Good job.
Then I saw the anon saying I was an endo. I used my other blog to POLITELY say, "This isn't true, please stop posting about me like this." This post is still on JAS, I didn't delete it like people are claiming
The fourth post was me making my own public post saying, "this child is throwing a tantrum over corrections. Now l'm pissed and I have to make my own public post so people don't believe those lies." This was the first rude post. I called AEV a blemish, and here's why.
I just made a MASSIVE post about dissociation that is actively being spread within the endo community now. All because I changed my label. I don't care if you all want to block me, but don't pretend that you're all doing anything to help by making bad resources for an audience that already believes the same stuff (all these new antis). Now all the new ones are spreading the same bad sources that don't hold up, and we all (yes, you, me, them, the next CDD system in line) look bad for it.
AEV couldn't provide a single source that said DID WAS trauma based, only "usually" trauma based. AEV actually made antis TURN PRO ENDO, because they used so many sources that said "usually". I offered him sources that said it WAS trauma based.
I'm not kidding, you can find the people that changed sides on sophieinwonderland's blog. This is what happened. I don't need to be polite as pie to people inadvertently harming the CDD community, but I certainly wasn't rude about it
My final post, the fifth post, on the subject was the sad one. "My main was leaked." There are people that stalk my blogs. They send me threats and long asks about the things they'd do to me if they found me. When sophie first came to tumblr, I'd get asks about what people wanted ghost to do to me. In the past, every time a new doxxer comes out of their gross hole, I start getting doxxing threats. l've had people get close to my area.
My main being released means those people are one step closer to actually finding me. It means I'm now getting these kinds of messages in my only safe space.
And the anon who sent my main admitted it was done maliciously. We had a falling out like two years ago, because their asks were getting creepy. When I APOLOGIZED TO THEM for ever hurting them because of my own avoidance issues, and told them that on this post, their response was, "well I enjoyed sending them so fuck you." If I ever find that post deleted, I've got a screenshot. You were NOT a minor at the time, you're an adult.
... Nice, really mature. You're definitely safe for minors.
Hey, also, minors, if an adult you just met online calls you "my kiddo", don't respond with an ovo face. Run.
Adults, if you call a minor your kiddo and they're like, owo really, I'm your kiddo? Fucking run.
Anyways.
I haven't said anything since. What can say. My main is out and I'm getting threats on it. Currently. Not "in the future," like the person said. It's happening NOW.
What do all you people want from me? I AM trying to leave you all alone. Stop saying such terrible things about me, godDAMN. I am not harassing minors. I don't want to harass anyone.
WHAT DID I ACTUALLY DO WRONG? I don't understand.
You're not the good guys you think you all are.
Not anymore.
I don't know that you ever were.
#syscourse#anti endo#anti endogenic#endos dni#<<< all for reach#sysmedsaresexist#adults being creepy to minors and it's not me
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Writeblr intro post
So yeah when I first came here I didn't know this was a thing so I've been working on this in the background. Now that it won the poll, I'm making it now!
I'm going to edit this post as I go so it has more links as I make posts about my WIPs!
About Me
Hi. Call me Kaylin. It's a pen name but I like it. (Some people are just finding out this isn't my real name and y'all should've read the bio)
I'm an education major and do writing on the side and it's a huge passion of mine (hence why I want to teach literacy)
Asexual demiromantic sapphic (she/her) currently in a relationship - (I am comfortable within reason to talk about my experiences)
Love ask games and tag games and generally interacting with others
Love reblogging mutuals' writing talking about WIPs!
21+ but my WIPs are YA - I don't usually reblog anything with a mature community label (sorry in advance for mutuals who do), but when I do I mark it 18+ and I try to label content warnings (LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED SOMETHING)
I'm an educator by heart so I love giving feedback, know a lot about kids, and of course education psychology and theory
I have minor scoliosis, early start of arthritis in my hands, and chronic headaches and migraines attacks in control with medication if anyone needs to ask me about these experiences for writing purposes. I also occasionally use a cane due to knee pain from an injury.
I have an ultimate get to know me game here if you want to check that out
My asks are always open! Feel free to stop in whenever you want!
My WIPs
The Secret Portal
See linked intro post for more detail!
YA sci-fi/fantasy
Planned to be a five book series
Quick version: A bunch of adolescents discover a portal to a dimension populated by people with powers. There's also a war. Yayyy.
The first installment is currently in the process of being read by beta readers. Apply to be one here!
Tagged as #the secret portal, #tsp, or #teaspoon if you want to give it a nickname. #tsp updates and #tsp excerpt are used as well. All characters get their own tag and #alium will be used when talking about my world building
Ask to be added to or removed from the tag list! @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites
@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy
School of the Legends
YA urban fantasy fairy tale retelling
International school for people with gifts (born with), majicks (learn), and curses (given).
Currently in planning stage but five chapters have been written.
No intro post yet but I'm working on it!
Tagged as #school of the legends and #sotl. Also use #sotl updates and #sotl excerpt, though not as often as TSP
Ask to be added to or removed from the tag list! @illarian-rambling
Other Ideas
It Was All Just a Dream - high school senior gets an entire redemption arc via vivid dream
The Emerald of Secrets - temporary title for vague fairy fantasy idea
Perspectives - we watch the same event five times in a row from different perspectives
Eternity - temporary title for a supernatural detective story
The Others - temporary title for a sci-fi apocalypse story
There are more but these are the main ones
What I Post or Reblog
Updates on my writing
Tag games and ask games! I love them dearly but it may take a bit to reply! I have a lot piled up and not all of them are simple. But I will get to them!!
Writing from others
Writing advice
Beta requests, book announcements, and intro posts to help boost!
I try to keep things positive! If I see a negative post about writing I'll usually reblog it with some positive spin. Sorry if that's annoying but it makes me sad that people aren't happy about writing.
I always try to include image IDs to make my blog accessible - if something is incorrect or you have any suggestions for making IDs better let me know!
#writers on tumblr#writing community#writeblr intro#writers of tumblr#writing on tumblr#writeblr community#writeblr#the secret portal#school of the legends#my intro post#my introduction#tsp#teaspoon#sotl#taglist
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I thought I was gonna be mad at the breakup when it first happened because I was scared they were doing that thing where they don't know where to go after a slowburn so they just make them on again off again or just start the slowburn over in a way that could be solved with simple communication of "I want you back" but they're actually doing it really well. The breakup serves a narrative purpose of getting Tim into therapy for his pre-existing self esteem issues that naturally progressed into punishing himself by breaking up with Lucy, something that would be a realistic symptom of that existing source, they acknowledged that it wasn't his place to make that decision for Lucy, and now they're moving forward at a very nice pace.
Overall, I really like how they're executing this. It makes sense and strengthens their relationship in a way that was needed, drawing from the characters, as opposed to inventing problems as plot conflict is needed.
This episode especially, the elevator scene is what really made me notice, the situation is drama but all their behavior is so consistent and in character that I have no problem with it. Situations are what writers are supposed to write, then their characters react to them almost as consistently as in a simulation. If problems haven't been solved, that simulation exposes them and then they can be solved. That's what's happening.
I'm so grateful for good writers who know how to do a slowburn breakup. I understand and trust where they're going with it and what's MORE, I enjoy the episodes in between.
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🖥️🖱️Software Engineer's Goals for a Long & Healthy Career 🌷
i've been wrestling with this question for a long time: what are my career goals?
the problem is, this question easily becomes, "what should my career goals be?" which is the wrong question to be asking.
the more people i meet through my work, the more i see what different lifestyles and goals look like, and the more i'm able to crystallize my own ideal. this might change the more i learn, but for now, my main goal is to keep enjoying my chosen career path for a long time and here's how i'm going to do it:
🤗 be a people person
i'm an introvert-extrovert hybrid who can gain energy from both alone time and socializing, depending on the vibes, so i also want to improve my vibes that i give to people!
emulate the contagious positive attitudes of the mood-makers on my team — embrace the risk of awkward moments and silences, be curious! 😺
set up intros/catch-ups with coworkers again!! — i did this so much when i was starting out in my career that i think i burnt myself out a bit, but i want to slowly start back up again in a more sustainable way because there are some amazing people i've never reached out to because i've been too shy and now they've left the company, so i can't easily chat with them anymore 😭
improve my mentoring skills — i had such good mentors when i was starting out and continue to be positively influenced by my senior colleagues, and i want to be the same source of support for my juniors! 🙏
🤖 lead more projects
from my past leadership experiences, i've been on the fence about whether i want this or not, honestly. "the responsible one" has been such a big part of my personality for so long that i feel like rebelling against it and trying to be responsible for as little as possible, but on the other hand, i also think it's a good kind of stress that i can grow from and that this is exactly the kind of skillset that will serve me well even if AI takes over my job someday.
❓ check assumptions — i tend to default to being a big picture person, but the big picture is made up of many minute details that are important to keep track of, so i want to get better at this. i know i can't think of everything, but i want to slowly become more observant and thorough 🔍
💬 improve my communication skills — i tend to get flustered when explaining technical details and sometimes even when i think of something, i hesitate to speak up. maybe this is more confidence than communication, but confidence is such a vague thing to try to improve on, communication is more concrete ☺️
🎧 treat coding time more sacredly
i start to get really stressed whenever i multitask, but i continue to do it because oftentimes it feels like it's the only way i'll manage to get anything done. still, i don't want to make it too much of a habit or i'll just keep burning out. i want to see if i can still be productive while doing one thing at a time.
🎶 put relaxing music on when coding
⌨️ consider blocking off focus time or at least setting a heads-down status on slack
📱 if someone messages you and it's not urgent, for the love of god, stop dropping everything to respond immediately and schedule it for later
#that girl#it girl#goals for 2024#career goals#wonyoungism#level up#glow up#software engineer#codeblr#progblr#coding#programming#engineering#woman in stem#woman in tech#women in leadership#women in engineering#pink moodboard#pink aesthetic#motivation#inspiration#career growth#zesty's life#productivity#software development#techblr#social skills#communication skills#work life balance#adulting
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Okay so number one. Super cool that you wrote your paper on the American dream. Single-handedly it is my favorite antag from any season.
And two. Well it is true the back to back filming probably definitely made them have less nuance for this. I absolutely agree with your statement. If your players can't engage in a story something is probably wrong. Honestly I've just come to the conclusion that the reason that episode 19 felt so weird. Is because it felt more like it was the intrepid heroes killing the rat grinders. Instead of the bad kids killing the rat grinders. Like I don't know if I'm just going crazy here?? I know it happens where your characters blend together so much in your mind That it's hard to differentiate the character from the player. But things felt so mean spirited in like a unique way. Like a unique way that you can only get from hating a villain as the viewer. Instead of like the character. Because besides Kristen trying to see if Buddy was still in there. It felt as if, the bad kids. Who have notoriously all been put into difficult situations at different times because of various adults. Saw what is basically just them without the support system. And hit it with a nuke. It's not like a Johnny spells type thing where You can be like "this guy sucks. kill his ass." Cause besides Kipper Lily. We don't actually know any of the rat grinders motivations. Like people can say that the rat grinders were just power hungry All they want. But the more likely answer is probably, Porter saw a group of vulnerable children who were actively unsatisfied with the situation they had been put in. And prayed on that!
It's frustrating definitely. But there is always fix it fics. And these final episodes aren't going to stop me from loving the rat grinders. I do not care what anyone in the fandom says. Because half of the time they're just spitting the same misogynistic bullshit we got with saccharina frostwhip. I'm genuinely hoping That at least the adventuring party clears up some things??. But my hopes are low unfortunately. Mary Ann forever though. She got that dog in her
a) IT WAS REALLY COOL!! i also wrote a final paper in a different class about the cubbys . Communications is kind of fake as hell as a major (if youre thinking of becoming a comm major dont </3 its great for student athletes who dont need jobs. as for me. um. well. 1 year out of college no new job), but it meant I was able to write a lot of interesting papers and my professors gave me room to run with it.
b) That's a really interesting thesis, and I haven't thought about it before, but that honestly makes a lot of sense...? Like, in that Really Uncomfortable Speech that was given before Ruben died, he was blamed for wasting a season on him. Which is an extremely meta/IH thing. It makes no sense for Fig to say that. But it does make sense for Emily to say that.
#asks#fhjy spoilers#referring to emily is so weird bc thats my name#and i would full name her but then it'd show up in the name search#and i dont really want that
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[18+]Pesky Bunny (Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader)
WC: 4k
Warnings: Smut. Polyamory implied. Profanities. GhostSoap implied. Reader is a Barrack's Bunny. Some fun, unrealistic scenarios based on a C.Ai chat many moons ago(I wish I was in her place)
Ghost has a crush on the Barrack's Bunny.
It started small.
You were the newly recruited member of the task force, a communication specialist and infiltration expert, much needed talent among the towering men around you.
Ghost did not like you. You were loud, bubbly and, worst of all, promiscuous. Over time, you'd earned the infamous term of a 'barrack bunny', hopping from room to room during downtimes, letting everyone in Task Force 141 enjoy your company. Everyone except him.
It's not like he was jealous that you'd completely ignored him, it's the way you openly flirt with everyone of his team members, especially Soap.
Soap likes you. A lot. He could not reconcile himself with that fact, the thorn pressing on his sides every time he sees you disappear into Soap's room for your night of fun.
Worst of all, Soap really loves to talk about you to him the morning after. The positions, the exchanging of fluids—he's sick of hearing it. But he did not know why and didn't want to go digging into his brain for a reason.
"Has she ever come to you?" Soap asked as they were gearing up.
"No, Johnny. It oughta stay that way," he'd answered that question, and Soap never brought you up again.
Then you threw yourself in front of a targeted bullet for him.
"You idiot," his voice harsh as he pressed his hands against your torso to stop you from bleeding out, "We need a medevac!"
He still remembered you smiling as your eyes started to shut. "This is the first time we'd talked," you trailed off before passing out.
Why did he stay in the ward to wait for you to open your eyes? God fucking knows. He'd wanted to tear into you for being so careless with your own life. Wanted to know why you'd do what you did.
"Christ," you began the minute you were conscious, "someone come knock me back out with a baseball bat."
He laughed. It was a forced exhale of air through his nose, but what you'd said was enough to get that reaction out of him. Enough for him to start thinking why he'd thought your talking was annoying him.
He realized he might have had a teeny tiny thing for Soap then, when that damn man walked in with his fancy bouquet just for you, his eyes just for you, his attention-
Fuck. This was not his area of expertise. Thankfully, he could just leave the two of you, or, looking at the line by the door, to the emotional orgy that'd ensue, enough to make him want to stay fifteen kilometers away from the barracks and their favorite bunny.
You'd sit next to him on the way to your next mission. Quiet this time, an unsettling change that made his breakfast turn in his stomach.
"Cat got your tongue?" He asked, not bothering to look at you as he kept his gaze forward.
"I can be quiet if I want to."
This earned a surprise out of him, purely because you'd spoken those words with a waver of hesitance he rarely heard from you.
"Soap said you think I'm obnoxious," you explained, and it took everything in him not to beat Soap up then and there.
"Not a fan of talkers," Ghost answered with a pointed glare at Soap.
"Which is why I'm zipping up. So you like me better."
He rolled his eyes at your persistence.
"You don't need me to like you. Someone out there made it famous to 'be yourself'."
You smiled as you looked up at him, and he was suddenly too agitated to sit.
"This is me. It's nice to just cool down for a little. To have someone who appreciates it when I don't talk."
And then you were silent the entire ride there. And after that.
He'd adjusted to it too well. Got to know you better because you only calmed down around him, knew that the talking was a coping mechanism for you, that you liked being around him the most because there was no pressure for you to flirt and socialise.
And his wires got crossed, because soon enough there was that same bug in his stomach he had every time Soap calls out his name. And then it grew without him realising it.
"Ah, fuck."
It was the only thing he'd been able to say as he realised he had a thing for two people.
Two people who also fucked each other.
He didn't know what to feel whenever he saw you and Soap being all over each other. Jealous? Annoyed? Turned on?
Signals in his brain misfired all over, his next steps a blurry path.
He drowned himself in work. The only solution for him at the time.
If before, he was prone to isolation during downtimes at the base, now he was a hardcore hermit.
How long has it been since he'd seen you, or Soap? Hell, he hadn't even seen Price that much these days.
It was going well until you'd knocked on the doors to his private quarters with concern on your face.
"You been ignoring me?"
He answered with a grunt. You brought him some coffee, but it cooled undrunk on the table.
Your persistence was always one of the qualities he'd loved and hated about you; the latter now that you stood before him with arms crossed and your eyebrows knit.
"Why did you never go to me?"
Wires crossed. That wasn't the question he wanted to ask, but now that it's out, there's nowhere to go but forward.
"What do you mean?"
He really needs to sleep. If he knew he was prone to outburst when deprived, he would have never talked to you that day, never let you into his quarters until he could think clearly.
His hands were on your waist. You grinned.
"Don't pretend like you don't know. Everyone had access to you at some point, wh-"
"You make that sound dirty."
"Isn't it? You're basically free to use, aren't you?”
Then you slapped him. And left.
It wasn't until later that he found out that you weren't just room hopping for pure pleasure, but everyone in the task force liked you enough that you even went on dates with them. Do cuddly relationship shit with them. Was that why Soap seemed to like you that much?
"Did you fight?" The man of the question asked him one day several days after you'd visited him in his room. You weren't talking to him. It was clear that he'd hurt you with his words, and the reason was only apparent when he'd stayed to watch you with the others instead of instantly leaving when any flirting commences.
You were the unspoken pivot in the task force. He was so far behind any developments because he'd never taken the chance to get to know you. And always told Soap off whenever he starts talking about you.
"Why did you think that, Johnny? This is how I am normally."
Soap sighed as he leaned back on the wall beside him. Watching him clean his rifle like those fucking shoulder angels.
"She used to talk about you a lot. Now she never does."
His hands stilled on the mag chamber. What?
"She talked about me."
Soap sits down next to him, and he had to fight the devils whispering to lean and kiss the wits out of him, the thoughts of Soap squirming as he went deep-
Soap was grinning.
The boy fucking knows. What else explains the way he looked at Ghost's lips—well, the general area of it, anyway—and then licking his own lips as if the devils were whispering in his head,too?
"Johnny," Ghost swatted the whispers away, "she talked about me." It grew, again.
He smiled as he nodded.
"She talks about you to everyone. Even Price. Gaz asked when you'd be our honorary sixth."
Ghost tilted his head. All thoughts of cleaning disappeared from his immediate list of priorities.
"Honorary sixth?"
And that's when Soap explained to him about pivoted polyamory. Ghost's head was reeling.
"She's seeing all of you?" There was no way you'd have the time to dedicate that much of yourself to every single man without at least one of them feeling neglected.
"Mm. We tend not to get our expectations high regarding the emotional aspects of it, but there were no complaints so far. We can seek others if we want, too. But she only wants us on rotation."
Rotation. Pivot. Polyamory. Too much information, too fast. And Soap's saying things that implied Ghost were among the people in your rotation.
"Listen, you don't have to fuck her if you don't want to. But she clearly sees you both as friends. I don't like the people I care about not getting along with."
The way Soap said it sounded very much like there was another layer to his sentence. That the care he had for Ghost was that on the same level as it was for you. He chose not to dissect the statement, afraid of what he’d find once he did.
It didn’t sit right with him anyway, the way you’d left him that night. He hated to admit that seeing you upset did not, in fact, make him feel better. Or at least remind him of his indifference. Because, weird web of relationships aside, you were a damn good friend to him.
So the next week, in the break room, after everyone was just returning from another simple mission, he’d decided to apologise.
That glare on your face was definitely why. He would sooner have your bubbly self back than have to endure a glare ever again.
Soap was busy unclasping your gears, kissing every part of your body as he did, and Ghost couldn’t deal with how he wanted to be on both ends of that scene.
“Can I talk to you?” He asked. Figuring being polite could pave the way for a hitch-free apology.
You gave Soap a look. He nodded, kissed you, and said “see you after, darling,” before leaving you both some space.
“What I say before-”
“When you called me a whore, right?”
He sighed. There was no bunny this feisty in the history of bunnies.
“I didn’t mean to comment on your unique…proclivities.”
“You didn’t mean to call me a whore?”
Jesus. He didn’t even use those words anywhere in his sentences back then. His hands almost raised to your shoulders, wanting to give you a shake, but that won’t bode well for either of you.
“Hear what I have to say. I was tired, sleep deprived. I simply wanted to ask you why you’d go with anyone but me, but it came out wrong.”
Should his mask weren’t there to cover his face, you could probably see the age lines deepening with every moment he stood there trying to right whatever this is. Why’d he even bother?
Because you were a good soldier. Fantastic in your field, fantastic out of it. And you make his head spin. He’d assumed it was because he couldn’t stand you, but the persistent bug fluttering in his stomach—that felt a little too familiar—suggested otherwise. Just thinking about that made him seemed like a lovesick fucker.
“You never approached me.”
You’d brush something off from your shirt when you answered, like it was casual.
“Can you explain?”
You snorted. He wanted to wipe that look on your face with his cock down your throat. Okay, he had no idea where those sorts of thoughts came from. Maybe he needed to have himself shaken.
“Who’s pretending now? I only sleep with people who’d actually like me, Ghost.”
Now, how did you get that idea in that pretty head of yours?
“I like you,” he answered, short, despite the winded explanation he had ready; of how he’s like this with everyone at first; and you shouldn’t take his stiff demeanor to heart.
“You do?” Your eyes widened. Your ears, red. His words were having an effect on you. He wanted to add a snarky remark, but that’d be too jarring when the moment’s too damn intimate.
He sighed. Emotional vulnerability was not in his list of things to do today, but a certain bunny tends to stomp over his plans and demand he pay attention to her simply with her presence.
“You only think I hate you because I don’t like seeing you getting all cosy with Johnny.”
You sit at the bench, thinking. “Fair enough. You both do give out ‘fuck me’ energy around each other. Figure there was something going on.”
And you’d say that without an ounce of jealousy he’d harboured when he saw you flirt with Soap. Now he feels like a right twat.
“I don’t even want to ask.”
You pulled him to the bench. “You could just go to him in my place and he wouldn’t bat an eye.”
“Why are you speaking so casually about this?”
The way you’re talking, one could have easily mistaken the topic for something mundane, like the weather or how many paid vacations you’d have left this year.
“No need to wind this harder than it is, Ghost. Me and Soap both liked you. I don’t mind Soap seeing other people. And if you liked him, why deny yourself from enjoying what little pleasures we could’ve been having before a stray bullet capped us off?”
“And wouldn’t me liking you add another knot in the thread?” Plus the whole other harem you’d had in your rotation, which he won’t be bringing up today.
“You don’t like me that way. At least, that’s the vibe I’m getting.”
Once again, his hands found their way around your waist. “You have no idea.”
The widest grin broke out on your face. “You’re not joking?”
“Why would I be joking?”
Just to show you how serious he was, he pulled you into his lap. You straddled him easily, your hands clasped at the back of his neck.
“I don’t know how it works, with you and your rotations, but Gaz said something about the honorary sixth?”
You laughed, head dropping to his shoulder as you did.
“That was an inside joke. You don’t have to be anything you don’t want to.”
And here, he was already planning on doing those cuddly relationships shit with you. Of watching a scary movie with you. Having you cling to him for safety from jump scares. Cooking meals with you. Honey bees floating in his head. It was all so unnervingly sweet.
“I don’t know about anything else, but I wanted more of this.” He gestured at the way you were straddling him. “Sick of seeing the others get the same treatment while I wallow in my mud.”
You kissed him through his balaclava. He returned it. There’s that bug again. Christ, how big has it grown?
“Pick a day, Ghost.”
His eyes narrowed. “A day?”
You nod as you brushed the hair from your face.
“Six men, seven days a week. Necessary precautions, so I could spend time with everyone equally. The free day for myself, or if everyone felt like sharing. We share a lot, anyway, but some, like Alejandro, liked having no-share days. And that day he’d be the only one to have me. No ifs, ands or buts.”
And then you told him this schedule. Price gets you Monday. Gaz, Tuesday. Rudy, Wednesday. Soap, Thursday. Al chose Saturday.
“So I get Friday or Sunday.”
“I know it’s a little too much…” you picked at the dust on his shirt as you said that.
“Friday.” Just so you could spend Sunday for yourself.
“Friday,” you repeated, before leaning in to kiss him again.
The break room turned several degrees hotter as you grind yourself on top of his bulge.
“Today’s Thursday,” and that means Soap gets you for the day. But why are you moving as if you wanted him to fuck you here, where anyone could’ve easily walked in?
“He won’t mind. Besides, how long has it been for you?”
He knew you well enough to know what you meant by that. If he were to go forward with this, he might as well get used to you talking about sex like it was a basic need.
“Too long.”
Your hands hover over his zipper. “Can I?”
He made a point to nod in a deliberate manner, as his mask made it hard for anyone to see the movements. With permission, you lean a little back and away from him as you pull down his zipper in glee.
Your hands were warm as you palmed him over his boxers. He exhaled a sharp breath at how sensitive it was, arms holding you tight as you moved your hands up and down the length.
Just as he thought you were going to take him out, you hopped off his lap.
And began to take off your trousers.
“What are you doing?” The break room was a public room. Shit, he wasn't even sure if he could deal with his fly undone.
“I need you inside me, Ghost. You know how many months I’ve fucked myself with silicone, pretending it was you?”
He wanted to clamp his hands over your mouth then, for how casual you were talking about him fucking you. In public. Still, his cock betrayed him, waking up as if you were the sun trying to kick start its day.
“No one’s coming here. Soap knows to clear the way.”
“You’d plan for this to happen.”
You chuckled, your bottom half already bare, the evidence of arousal clear on your inner thighs as you pressed them tight. “No. I honestly thought you were just going to apologise. We both anticipated yelling and more slapping. Not you being in me.”
You picked up your panties and trousers. Fidgeted.
“I’m getting a little too ahead of myself again, aren’t I?” You chuckled.
He pulled you back so you could resume your position.
“No, need’s mutual. I’ll fuck you, but you need to keep your voice down.”
He took his cock out through the zipper. Pushed his tip to glide in between your shiny folds.
“Never met someone as insatiable as you.” His words sounded like he was disappointed, but he was fully enjoying the way you were watching him toy with you with your mouth parted.
There was no time to waste; this was not his day for him to put you through hours of foreplay.
He raised you and let you sink into his cock in one swift movement.
“Fucking hell, lass. No wonder you’ve got those twats following you around.”
You squeezed him with every movement, your slick alone wetting his cock until it shines under the harsh lighting. How could someone be this wet, this fast?
“You sure you’re not a succubus?”
Your laugh punctuated with your moans, the erratic reactions pulling a grin out of him. You shoved him, told him not to make you laugh this hard if he wants you to stay quiet.
Eventually, he stood up with you wrapped around him. Wanting a different angle, new depths. His muscles worked their hardest, moving you, fucking you on his cock, sweat sticking through the fabric to his skin. A lot of work before he was comfortable baring the entirety of himself to you, but you don’t seem to mind being fucked with someone in full tactical gear.
Movements were a bit stiff, but as long as your mouth kept letting out those sweet sounds, then he figured he was doing something right.
“Feel good?” He checked in as his cock continued to plunge, so sensitive from all those days of denial that he had to stop every so often to prolong this. Even if he was intending this to be a quickie.
“Fantastic. Love your curve. Hits me just right.” You winked, the praise unexpected and taking him off guard.
“You’re heavy as fuck,” he quipped the only way he knew, but then re-straightened his course because he’d meant that affectionately. “Wouldn’t want to have it any other way.”
“Good save, big boy.” You laughed, eyes already closed as your face contorted, the fluttering in your pussy letting him know you were close.
“Meant every word.”
You leaned in to kiss him hard when you came, airing the moan into his mouth like you were trying to share oxygen. He didn’t know why that was the hottest thing you’d done, because soon enough, he followed you over the edge, unloading weeks' long loads deep into you as his knees buckled.
You were both fortunate enough to have the bench beneath him when he slumped. His eyes looked sleepy after his release, the remnants of his orgasm traveled through his body in involuntary spasms.
The cum dribbled back out of you, past his cock and onto his tactical pants. He groaned.
“Be hell to clean this shit up,” he complained.
“Yeah, baby. You made me all messy.” You mimicked his tone, a tinge of mischief in yours.
“You begged me for it.” And he wanted more of that, of you begging him, wanting him, looking at him like he meant the world to you. Like you were doing right now.
“Only because Soap loves sloppy seconds.”
He stilled at your words. His damn cock wanting to hear more of what you had to say. That pesky thing.
“How much do you want to bet that as soon as I go to him after this, he’d throw me onto the bed and eat your cum out of me?”
Now he really did reach over to clamp a hand over your mouth.
“Shut up for a second.” He’d pass out from the heat his body was letting out under his gears.
You kissed his palm, the both of you acting like he wasn’t still inside you, stirring back to life at your admission.
“You think that’s hot,” you stated. Hell, if he could do this, have both you and Soap—share nicely—then it’d be nothing short of one of his dreams coming true.
“Which part do you think you’d like more?” You begin, and he already loathed the vulgar words you’d be saying because he knew his body would have had a reaction to it. “Having Soap eat your leftovers out of me,” you say as you begin to bounce on your feet, “or having him fuck your mess back into me after?”
“Fuck, lass. You and that mouth. You wanted me to fuck you again, is that it? Your cunt hungry for more of my load?”
You simply nodded, vibrating in excitement when he returned your dirty talk with his accent thick, as the release had lowered his inhibitions. The accent you’d tell him you loved.
He made a quick flip of your position, placing you on the bench with your ass pointed towards him, removing the extra effort of having to carry you, of you having to move.
“I’ll give you your cock, but you need to shut that mouth up unless you’re looking for a third load. Understand?”
“I won’t say no-”
“Today’s Soap’s day, love. I can give you as many as you want on Friday, but I’m not in the business of depriving someone of their chances.”
You nod. The dose of affection was what it took for you to yield. Then, you pushed back into him in invitation.
He took it.
He fucked you hard and fast, fueled by the image of Soap having to enjoy you after with remnants of him still in you. Fuck. He wanted to see that. Desperately.
It didn’t take long for you to bow your back, his name coming out in an airy moan as you clenched around him once more, your hands rubbing furious circles on your clit to help you there.
He kept moving after ensuring you’d come. Now, his pace was purely for his release, brutal as his hips pumped, grunting with every movement in the race to finish.
“You’ll pull your panties straight up after I’m done with you, sprint to Soap, and let him eat my cum out of you, understand?”
You moaned, your head nodded jerkily, as if that wasn’t your intention all along.
“And come Friday, you’re going to tell me every single thing he did to you as I pound the ever-living fuck outta you.”
“Now, whose mouth is filthy?” Your voice was breathy as you teased, and that didn’t serve as much of an impact as you think it did.
Ghost grunted, exhaling in quick successions as he pulled your hips tight against him, his cum jetting into you as he cursed.
You rush to put on your bottoms soon after, like he’d told you to, bashfully, as you hop into your trousers with the time limit on your head. Grinning as the post-orgasm flush made their way all down your neck, making Ghost wonder if he could just keep you here with him and make it up to Soap later.
“Go, quick, before I start thinking about putting one all over your pretty face.”
You ran after giving his lips a quick peck, telling him you’ll see him tomorrow.
It’ll be a long night.
#simon riley x you#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#smut#simon ghost riley smut#ghost cod#call of duty#fanfic
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