new Olen song!!! have you heard it? what did you think?

OF COURSE IVE HEARD THE NEW OLEN SONG. HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEW OLEN SONG ? IT’S CALLED WAFFLES, BY OLEN. IT’S A NEW SONG FROM OLEN. IT’S CALLED WAFFLES

i am being so for real when i say that waffles is genuinely one of my favorite songs right now ever. like it’s just so chill and quiet with an interesting beat and such well constructed lyrics and that is soooo everything to me.

also, he announced in a live last night that waffles is part of a year long project called “i made you a mixtape” in which he will release a song a month. im vibrating with joy as i type this

thanks for listening to my favorite guy, definitely keep a look out for him for the rest of the year!!!!

☆ erm, let's not do that ☆

requested by anon! Hi there! So i would like to request The overblot gang with a S/O who likes to pick on their fingers whenever they are stressed and considering what Yuu have to go through, they would have a bloody hand if it werent for the fact they use gloves when they are really stressed out. (They dont wear gloves often because it will look weird when it doesnt fit the outfit but will wear it if necessary). So what are the overblot gang (seperate) reactions when he learns why his S/O pick on their fingers and wear gloves? P.s. you are an amazing writer and i love your work, keep up the good work! Hope you have a lovely day/night!

a/n so it's been awhile... how have you guys been? i've been okay, been dealing with post graduation fatigue and depression. been wondering what the hell am i doing with my world and wondering if things are really worth it. i miss bts, i miss jin and hobi and most of all yoongi. i miss the person i used to be. i miss the person that was my rock for a good few years. i wish this whole life thing wasn;t so hard, but! twst makes my brain go brrrr, so that's good i guess lolol. i'm working on stuff dw! and i'll try to post more, so thank you all so much to those who have been waiting! i love you all!!! <333

characters mentioned: overblot boys!

!tw! blood, would this be considered self harm? (an actual question btw)

Riddle Rosehearts <3

⋆ He’s so concerned. Honestly, when he saw the state of your hands, he gasped like some Victorian man seeing an ankle for the first time.

⋆ He’s not the type to beat around the bush, but he’s gentle about it. He’s quick to voice his concern for your health and if there’s any way for him to help you. 

⋆ Knowing that he is part of the cause of your pain, sorta sends him spiraling somewhat. It really makes Riddle want to become a better person after seeing the after effects of his tyranny.

⋆ Whenever Riddle sees you picking at your hands, he kinda swats at your hands like an angry cat. A disappointed pout on his soft features. He really tries okay. 

⋆ Riddle will patch your hand up. He’s so gentle about it too. Holding your hands as if they were blessed by the Queen of Hearts (honestly there’s probably a rule about it)

⋆ He’s taken to holding your hand when you're together. He stutters out a quick ‘I-it’s to help you!’ before dragging you away to study. When you're alone, Riddle has the habit of kissing your hands, mumbling sweet words. 

⋆ Overall, Riddle is concerned but willing to do anything to help you.

“If you ever find the urge to harm yourself, no matter how small, I ask you to seek me out. I will always spare you a moment. Afterall, I care about you, please don’t forget that.”

Leona Kingscholar <3

⋆ He noticed the state of your hands the moment he met you, but didn’t mention it until you grew closer. Like Riddle, he doesn’t beat around the bush. But unlike Riddle, Leona is so incredibly blunt.

⋆ After you tell him it’s a habit you’ve picked up after certain events, Leona drops the subject. The both of you are too awkward to keep it going. Afterall, you both knew what events could have led you here. Guilt was quick to snag Leona’s heart.

⋆ He’s not upfront about his emotions. Leona’s quite bad with vocalizing his worries, but he’s always been a firm believer in actions over words anyways.

⋆ Expensive gloves, creams and ointments from his land, heck even fidget toys he’s seen Cheka play with, shows up at your door. Anything he believes that could help you, he’s getting.

⋆ If you’re together and your hands get particularly bad, he’s dragging you to the infirmary to patch you up (he ends up snagging/buying bandages to keep on him just in case after) He doesn’t really talk much, but the sentiment is there.

⋆ Like Riddle, Leona will hold your hands to stop you from picking at your skin. His grip is tight, but not in a way that seems like he’s scolding you or mad, but tight in a way that's comforting. As if saying ‘I’m here.’

‘Oi, stop that… Yeah, I’m aware, but I’m here now. Let’s find other ways to deal with your stress, yeah? (whispering) I think I’ve got a few ideas, if you’re up to it, herbivore~’

Azul Ashengrotto <3

⋆ He beats around the bush. Azul is weirddddd about it.

⋆ On one hand, he’s worried about you. On the other hand, his capitalist side wants to find some way to profit off it. Somehow he manages to quell both sides. (he ends up making hand cream/ointment using like floyd’s mucus thing, rip floyd)

⋆ Azul, despite his incessant need to bottle up his emotions for others, finds it hard to ignore the state of your hands, and likewise state of your health, any longer. He doesn’t know how to approach the topic. Does he ask right away? Should he ease you into it? He, for the first time since his overblot, is lost for words.

⋆ He does eventually get the guts to ask and oh boy, he never knew guilt felt this bad.

⋆ Azul kinda sucks at helping you, he won’t hold your hand (only in private) and he’s kinda frivolous with money (so no expensive gifts) but he’s good with his words. And when he sees you starting to pick at your hands, he immediately starts running his mouth. And he can talk for hours. And he’s entertaining too. Leaving you so enraptured by his words that you forget about the need to pick at your skin.

⋆ He’s always good at always keeping you busy. And no this isn’t some way to get free labor out of you. Typically you help him with paper work, just you and him in his little office.

⋆ Azul may always be boasting about how kind he is outloud, but you both know his true kindness is always quiet.

‘Ah, that’s enough paperwork for today. How about we go to the lounge for a few drinks? There’s plenty more I wish to share with you about the stock market.’

Jamil Viper <3

⋆ He doesn’t notice until you’re hissing in pain from something spicy touching your tender skin (listen i know this does make sense, but trust me, it hurts) He’s confused and worried at first and confused and worried after.

⋆ Jamil scolds you for working without some sort of protection while he tenderly washes your hands.

⋆ I feel like Jamil also has some bad coping habits, so he’s quick to put two and two together. He doesn’t ask, but there is a noticeable shift in his behavior. Jamil is a lot more gentle, not in a demeaning way, but in an awkward ‘I want to help you, but idk how, just please appreciate my efforts’ sorta way.

⋆ Since he still has his duties as Vice Housewarden and Kalim’s aid, he’s pretty tight on time, but he tries his best to spare you a few minutes. And if he can’t, you’ll always find a lunch box sitting on your desk.

⋆ Jamil is always willing to bandage your hands if they get particularly bad. He’ll use healing ointment that smells like home and is as gentle as his voice.

⋆ And while he can’t give you extraordinary gifts or talk for hours on end, Jamil is always ready to lend you a hand to heal your own destruction like how you healed him.

‘Stop squirming so much, I’ll mess up your banadages. -sigh- You really have to start wearing some sort of gloves… Mh? What was that?… You like it when I bandage your hand? E-eh- ahem, well if you like it so much, I might as well start charging you. …Ahaha, I never said thuarmarks, did I?”

Vil Schoenheit <3

⋆ He takes one look at your hand and instantly brings out a 12 step hand routine.

⋆ Listen, he doesn't care if you do it out of stress, he’s going to fix your hands while helping you find better ways to handle it.

⋆ He rubs like this gel liquid thing that tastes bad to prevent you from biting away the skin near your nail (it’s an actual thing don’t worry) He’s pulling all the stops to prevent you from injuring your hands even more than they already are.

⋆ Vil often walks the fine line of being really gentle or really strict about it. And it doesn’t stem from his perfection issues, he is just kinda bad at expressing his emotions in a way that is both productive and compassionate. He does care, you’ll just have to look for hidden meanings in his long lectures.

⋆ No doubt, Vil is getting both of you matching gloves with your signature colors as accents.

⋆ The whole 12 step hand routine actually does become routine for the both of you. Typically taking place at Pomefiore, you’ll both talk about your day. Vil sees this as a way to check off all three boxes.

⋆ He gets to do his nightly hand routine.

⋆ You're improving day by day from talking about your emotions with him.

⋆ And he gets to spend one on one time with you!

⋆ It's a win-win situation! And your hands have never been softer!

‘And Epel just had to prove his point, which ended up with him casting a Zip Tight Spell on him. Despite not even being able to move his mouth, I could tell there was so much anger running though his little body. Goodness, how ridicu-hm? Did my little spudling fall asleep? How rude~ -sigh- Sweet dreams, darling~’

Idia Shroud <3

⋆ It’s Ortho that brings up your problem. Worry evident in his voice as he showed pictures of your hands to his big brother.

⋆ Despite being gaming buddies, Idia really never paid attention to your outer appearance. Too preoccupied in his desire to beat you at every game you both play.

⋆ And poor Idia, guilt grabs him by his long ass hair and flings his lanky body across the room multiple times (not really, but in Idia’s head that what's happening)

⋆ Unlike all of the others mentioned, Idia’s way of help is rather unconventional. He’s not good at talking nor is he good at physical touch, but you know what he is good at? Yeah, making things.

⋆ After a long night, Idia shows up at Ramshackle holding a small box. What is in the box? Well your own personal health robocat! This cat is kinda like Ortho just to a lesser degree (think of the robocat seven made mc!)

⋆ Listen, he knows he’s severely lacking in multiple departments of this whole dating, heck even friend, thing, but he is trying! And RoboCat is the ultimate form of his love! It’s quite romantic really.

⋆ Is Grim happy about the new intruder? No! But your health is more important than his feelings!

⋆ Idia swears he died of pure happiness at your expression. His two favorite things together!? Eek! It’s too much!

‘A-and next time you find yourself in trouble, just c-call for Robocat and she’ll come flying!… A laser beam like Ortho? Good idea! I’ll make sure to add it in her name update!’

Malleus Draconia <3

⋆ His heart aches to see the pain you put yourself through. If it was up to him, he’d simply whisk you away to a place where no stress could muddle your beautiful mind. If he could, he would kill stress itself.

⋆ But alas, he can’t kill something that doesn’t have a physical form, how sad~ (lilia had to convince him not to go after Crowley)

⋆ Malleus is doing everything he can to help you. Just name it and he’s doing it.

⋆ Multiple gloves made of the finest materials? Got it!

⋆ Healing ointment from the farthest land made from an extinct organism? Done!

⋆ The heads of your enemies? Why didn’t you say so sooner!

⋆ He’s so silly ahahaha.

⋆ But seriously, Malleus sorta never feels stressed (he does, just thinks stress is a human emotion that only humans can feel) but he’s always willing to listen to you. Afterall, you’re always willing to lend your ears to him, it’s the bare minimum.

⋆ Advice? It’s so-so, sometimes he comes off vague but that really just because of his faeness. But he tries and is actively trying to be better, trying to be more intune with your emotions and his. (lilia has been great help, and surprisingly enough, watching silver and sebek on a more friendly level has also helped him be more in tune with emotions)

⋆ You shouldn't have to suffer in silence and he’ll make sure you never will for as long as the universe will let him.

‘You’ve been such a good companion, my dearest child of man, so please let me return the favor. Allow me to see the deepest parts of your soul, of your mind and heart. If you fear that I will cast judgment, do not. I could never judge the soul that has welcomed me with an open heart.’

Em, lovely Em, how are you? Let me tell you I'm super proud of your progress so far <3

Soooo I'm here with a little proposition, two options for you to choose from...

1. (Low key) Princess treatment

2. Late night drive

With who else than the love of our lives SUKUNA RYOMEN!

-With love starlet★

A/N: hi hi hi, starlet, i am doing pretty good actually except for the new crack in my phone screen, but thanks for asking! and i really appreciate that — hard choice, but i choose option 2

The wind rushed through the open windows and pervaded the car. Your hair blew and billowed. And Sukuna watched you through the mirror as the moonlight fell upon your face, gracing your already blessed features, and goddamn, Sukuna thought you looked absolutely ethereal in the night.

The music blasted from the car’s built-in speakers, but he had already stopped listening an hour ago, more focused on staring at you.

“You cold?” Sukuna asked, in that deep, raspy voice of his — that you had grown accustomed to after these last few weeks.

“Mhm. Just a little,” you nodded, leaning onto the head rest behind you and turning around to face the man himself. Sukuna laced his fingers through yours on the console between the both of you, a warmth fluttering in your stomach in an instant.

This whole arrangement between the two of you. . . It all happened like a blur. You guys had met through a mutual friend at a college party and had hit it off ever since. What started as innocent tutoring sessions turned to friendly hangouts. Consequently, those turned to dates, and those dates led to now: present time — where you two were in relationship. A secret one, at that.

The mutual friend was Itadori Yuuji. Let me rephrase that, he’s your friend. But not Sukuna’s, because, well, they’re brothers, actually.

You didn’t mean to hide this whole thing from Yuuji, you just didn’t know how he’d react if he found out. Would he think you two were going behind his back? Would he accuse you of using him to get with his brother? You weren’t, and you never would try to get between the Itadori brothers. It’s just . . . you felt guilty about this whole relationship thingy. You loved Sukuna, you really did. And you loved Yuuji, as a friend, of course. But, you didn’t want to cause any misunderstandings or any problems, so you and Sukuna came to an agreement about keeping this under wraps.

However, unlike you, Sukuna couldn't care less if his younger brother found out about the both of you. But choosing to respect your wishes — like the good boyfriend he was, he would keep things low key, just for you.

So, late night drives like these were one of the only opportunities the two of you had to have time to yourselves, without having to worry about any younger brother finding out.

Sukuna pulled up into an empty parking lot; you guys usually drove around for an hour or two, listening to music, before parking the car and chatting to your hearts’ desire.

“So. How was your day, baby? Anyone bother you? You don’t look too happy. Do I need to kick somebody’s ass for ya?” Sukuna turned to face you, but like always, you shied away and avoided his gaze.

“Hey, look at me when I’m talking to you.” Sukuna hooked a finger under your chin and lifted your head to meet his eyes.

“That’s better. Keep your eyes on me, pretty girl.”

You complied, though your eyes flickered between each of his, contrary to his unwavering stare.

“My day was fine. I just . . . I’ve been thinking about your brother: Yuuji, and—”

Sukuna rolled his eyes; you paused. “You’re seriously thinking about another man right now? Even when I just asked you how you were doing? Can’t believe this shit.” Sukuna scoffed, though you knew he was only joking. Or so you hoped. . .

You cheekily giggled. “C’mon, ‘Kuna. Don’t be that way.” You cupped the side of his face with your free hand; he leaned into your palm, placing a tender kiss upon it.

“Anyway, as I was saying.” You cleared your throat. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea to continue what we’re doing . . . together.”

At this, Sukuna lifted his face away from your palm, his hooded eyes staring back at yours, waiting for you to explain yourself.

“Fuck you mean this isn’t a good idea?”

“I—how would Yuuji feel if he found out? If we told him now, he would probably ask why we didn’t tell him earlier. And then what would we say? That we didn’t even plan on getting into a relationship in the first place? And we were just friends with benefits?”

“Do you want to tell him?” Sukuna pursued.

“I . . . don’t know. I mean, we were just fucking around earlier. And then we got exclusive. And . . . I thought you weren’t really looking for an actual relationship. As boyfriend and girlfriend, I mean.”

“That’s complete bull. Don’t let me catch you saying that crap ever again.” Sukuna grabbed your face in his hand when your eyes started to drift elsewhere. “You’re the only girl I would ever even think about dating. You hear me? So get that shit out of your pretty little head.”

“Okay.” You nodded. “Okay.”

“Now that’s what I like to hear. Anywho, go on. Tell me about your day. I’ve been longing to hear your voice ever since I started my shift.”

“Oh, please.”

“Deadass.”

You started to talk about your classes, your annoying professors and their annoying assignments, your lunch that took ten minutes to arrive at your door, you told Sukuna everything. Well, you were planning on that. But then, out of the corner of your eye, you saw a figure start to approach the car. Though they were still a long distance away — fortunately — they were getting closer, and Sukuna didn’t seem to notice. He was too busy listening to you speak your heart and mind.

Your eyes widened, and you shook Sukuna’s arm, as if to get his attention. Which, in that case, did nothing, really, because his undivided attention was already on you, but maybe you forgot. Silly you.

“Babe—babe, I think there’s someone in the parking lot.”

“No shit.” Sukuna let out a laugh.

“No, like, besides us. I think they’re getting closer to the car.”

Sukuna rolled his eyes, assuming your eyes were just playing a trick on you, but then he saw it. He saw what you were talking about.

There was indeed a person — a man? Perhaps so. And they were quickly approaching the vehicle. In the light of the posts, it could be detected that he was wearing nothing other than black and dark colored articles of clothing.

What the hell?

All the shops and restaurants in this area were closed, save for the 7-Eleven, but that wasn’t as relevant. There were no cops or cop cars, nothing, so who was this person? And what did they want?

“Kiss me.”

“What the what? Are you okay?”

“Damnit, always making me have to do everything these days.” Sukuna grabbed your face in his hands, squishing your cheeks together in the process, and messily slotted his lips against yours.

Your lipgloss smeared across his mouth and even added a little shine to it, but neither of you paid attention to that.

And albeit a little surprised at first, you melted in Sukuna’s hands and kissed back sooner or later. You guys moved against each other like rabid animals in heat, well—Sukuna did, you were a little more civilized than the pink-haired man. Which wasn’t a new thing.

But could you really blame Sukuna? When he tasted you against his lips, he nearly went feral right then and there. You were as sweet as the day you guys first indulged in something like this together. The real reason he started calling you ‘sweet thing’ in the first place.

While trying to catch your breath, you murmured against his lips, not yet pulling away, “Is he—is he gone now?”

You felt Sukuna smile against your lips, the corners of his mouth quirking upwards.

“Been. Been gone, sweetheart. For probably a few minutes now. Coward turned into a straight pussy. I saw his face; he looked ‘bout ready to piss himself when I shoved my tongue in.”

You pulled away — emitting a disappointed groan from the man — to fix your messy hair and overall disheveled appearance altogether, before moving to wipe the remnants of lipgloss off Sukuna’s face. He, in turn, only pushed back his hair, not really caring about how he looked on the outside.

Let people know, let people know he just made out with his favorite girl. If he really felt like it, he would even make a full PSA for the world to see.

“So. . . You still want to stop this thing between us?”

“Oh, shut up.” You delivered a light slap to his arm, before attempting to stifle your growing grin.

Taglist: @beyond-your-stars @sad-darksoul @mochimoee @r0ckst4rjk @lillycore @deepchromatose @yinyinyinyinyinyin @fivehoneyharg @desihopelessromantic @taiyakii @hannas16 @acroso @msvalsius @call-memissbrightside

İn sagau au, genshin,

İf you tell them you have other worlds (games) you visit they are going to call you

THE CREATOR OF THOUSAND WORLDS

İts time for my monthly brainrots with my little to no English.

They are going to give you some cool names based on your personality traits and you cant stop them. İt can be as stupid or as cool as you think they would.

For stupid ones, we have:

-you were having a stroll with Thoma, the boy who is so popular that at one point he had more fans than you (imposter au lol). When you mentioned him that you love animals he HAD to make you meet all of his stray friends. Those little guys always need some attention afterall and maybe getting the divine creators blessings will help them be more lucky in the harsh wild.

(no he is not talking about your acolytes what do you mean?)

"this one reminds me of my favorite villager from animal crossing" you mumbled, not realising he can hear you.

"Animal... What?"he said, confused.

"ah its one of the ga... worlds... İ created."

Thoma looked even more confused. Villagers? Animals??? Animal villagers???? Crossing what???

He realised how you got a bit anxious from the question so he did not pushed you to answer. Maybe it was a touchy subject for you, so you did not want to talk about your own worlds that you created.

But he did talk to others about it, people were exited to know about other worlds, let alone the worlds YOU created! Alot of people tried to understand what that world was about and maybe add the things you like about it in their own world so you will be happier in this world :D

And that is the story on how "animals' lover" became one of your titles. (Zhongli's idea, he tought it should be something that Suits your all loving heart)

-it was a nice day in your abode. Birds were chirping happily to prove your point, the gentle breeze was moving the leaves of the trees as if its dancing with them. Other than that İt was quiet... Too quiet... The realisation of how unusual for your not-so-secret-anymore hiding spot to not be filled with your acolytes and alot of noise while you would be having a nice relaxed tea is sending chills down your spine.

Oh no.. things are usually worse when theyre silent for a long time... You decide to check up on them.

Upon going back inside, it wasnt much hard to guess why they were busy not bothering you, they were on eachothers throats.

As they usually do on their free time.

The first thing you see is Nahida, trying to fix a vase that has been broken, with vines she created from her hand while Trying to desperatly make the other people in the room calm down.

You also see Zhongli and Al haitham, theyre chatting about something and you can see that the atmosphere is tense. You can feel that the only thing from keeping them from eachothers neck is the starter of the fight will look bad infront of you. What an interesting duo huh..

You see Ei, xiao and kujou sara, weapons out, chasing venti. Ah so the culprit was him. Better stop this nonsense as they might just kill the poor bard.

Your voice ecoed down your abode .

"ENOUGH"

And with that the whole caos seem to stop for a moment. Everyone in the room looks at you. Hehe, works everytime.

"Tell me what happened here" you demanded. And they told you the story you already guessed with just a glance through the room. (Poor nahida got scared the most ;;)

Venti was singing your praises, well... Mostly praises, he also used this opportunity to show off how much he is liked by you. Zhongli and Ei got angry, how dare he spit LİES and blasphemy about you and ruin your image?!

Zhongli kept his composure but it wasnt the same for Ei. Al haitham made a remark about his silance and that lead to the convertion you saw them have.

Nahida tried to stop Ei but it only fueled her more. The breaking point was when while venti was singing, and using his power to make affects, he accidently pushed over one of the most expensive ornaments, and told them you would forgive him anyways ehe.

You sighed, "why did this turn into that one scene in DDLC (doki doki litterature club) where Yuri and natsuki fight.."

"Your Grace, please tell us the truth, do you favor this bard more than us?" Ei said in desperation. But all you could see was Yuri, panicing over you not liking the poem more than the others.

Al haitham couldnt act like he didnt hear you, however, "Forgive my interruption... But what is.. DDLC?"

"DDLC... Hmmm... İ think i heard this one" Nahida speaked up. She knows???? Oh god she has been in your computer she knows....

"İf im not mistaken, İts a litterature club that is sentient. They are aware of the creators appearance from the start and theyre... Hmm.. quite friendly with your Grace"

To that, venti panics, "Y... YOU DO NOT FAVOR THEM MORE THAN US DO YOU?!?!"

You blush "WHA- N-NO?! WHAT DO YOU EVEN-"

"Could this be... That they created that world for them to be their courts?" Zhongli thought out loud, clearly more interested in the worlds purpose than the fact that you had lovers in other worlds.

"NO?! Well kinda??? bUT NO İ-" You panic, that WAS a dating simulator afterall, but you downloaded it for the spooks rather than... Well kind of that to.

You hide your face in your hands, somehow, you feel like you are being interrogated rather than interrogating them, "ima pull a sayori if this keeps up" you said between your hands.

Days later, you walk in the streets of Mondstat, and you overheard the rumbling of drunkards that are leaving cat's tail.

"Did youui knoo dat our beloved creto *hic* creted a world.. dats full of deir LOVERS?"

"Maaaannn i wish i was the creatoorr.... Having a whooolleee world as their court?! Now thats something."

"İ think we can call them.... Litterature fucker-"

....... You want to be mad.... But that was funny.

So you call yourself that now :P

Feel free to add your own :D

Zipper Extra V

Read the rest of Zipper here

@jhughesangel (I hope this is you, I think you changed your Username on me since the last time I posted about these cutie pies) I hope you like this, I think you're probably my #1 Zipper fan so it's most important to me that you enjoy it specifically💕

This part is based on this ask from my amazing 🐱-anon, but I lowkey struggled as usual so it turned into Harry being whiny again but I gave her a full blown sob-fest. So hopefully I got it a little right--maybe a little more than normal anyway.

~4.7k words

Warnings: fluff, angst. Maybe a little bit of 18+ stuff but don't blink or you'll miss it.

(Maybe listen to Lover for some ambiance if you feel like it.)

He should have asked her out the moment he met her. They should have been one of those couples that had known since grade school they were destined for each other. It shouldn’t have taken Harry twenty years to come to his senses.

“Are you sure you want to be with Harry?”

It happened while they were at dinner with friends. Her friend Sarah had been wary of their relationship essentially since it started. Harry wasn’t supposed to hear their conversation, he was seated a few seats across and down from the pair of them. It was a hushed whisper and honestly, he had to strain to hear anyway while the guys in the group chatted about something else. Another pair of ladies were off getting drinks at the bar. Leaving Sarah and his angel to chat.

“What?” She nearly laughed. It was a joke, surely, that one of her best friends would say such a thing. Of course, she was sure. In fact, she wasn’t sure of much else in her life. Christmas was on the twenty-fifth, Australia was wider than the moon, nine times four was thirty-six, and she was in love with Harry. It was a fact of life.

But whatever the guys were talking about was irrelevant. Harry was focused so very hard on hearing every word of her conversation—especially when he heard the beginning of it. “I just worry you’re settling,” Sarah whispered. “You don’t have to, you know. You shouldn’t.”

“I really love Harry,” she affirmed. That made Harry feel marginally better.

“But he was an asshole,” Sarah reminded her. “Like...for a really long time,” what hurt more than them talking about this while Harry was in earshot...even if they thought he wasn’t paying attention was that Sarah was right.

“But was he?” She smirked like it was a joke. Surely it was a joke. Sarah loved Harry. She loved Harry. They had a rough start. A different start than most love stories. But it didn’t mean that he didn’t love her any less than if they had a normal approach to their romance. Harry worshipped her now. He wished he always did. He would probably regret it for the rest of his life.

“Babe, he should have kissed the ground you walked on for the entire time you knew him. Yes. He was an asshole.”

“He is not an asshole,” she said softly. Bless her gentle heart for defending him. Harry wanted to kiss her and thank her for being so kind even though she was wrong. Sarah was completely correct. He should have kissed the ground she walked on all the time. For as long as he knew her. He should have asked her out the moment he met her. They should have been one of those couples that had known since grade school they were destined for each other. It shouldn’t have taken Harry twenty years to come to his senses.

“Look, I love Harry,” Sarah said. At least she knew that much. “I just...don’t want your heart to get broken because Harry’s already showed exactly who he is.”

Harry knew that he had a lot to make up for still. But she always reassured him that it wasn’t necessary. It wouldn’t stop him from trying to fix the years of heartache he caused. Harry still thought about the sound of her perfect voice cracking when she asked him why he didn’t like her. Back when he was feeding her Chinese food because he was so worried about her health and how sick she looked from working herself so hard.

Maybe it would never be enough. But Harry wouldn’t let her slip away. Not after wasting all the time of their childhoods, teens, and early adulthood. Harry would never stop proving that this was good, they were meant to be. It was why she instilled confidence in Harry when he seemed like the shittiest boyfriend in the world: forgetting her birthday, giving her the silent treatment when he was frustrated, or when he accidentally ruined her white T-shirt with one of his blue socks. She felt—no, knew—that they were meant to be.

So why wasn’t she telling Sarah exactly that? The pause in their conversation was deafening. Even over the laughter of their friends. Sarah was sipping her drink. Like she was grateful she got through to her. Harry waited anxiously for her to say something.

But she never did.

Sarah didn’t bring it up again or press further. It was all Harry could think about. He wanted an answer. He wanted to know why she paused. Why wasn’t she defending him? Was she...agreeing? The other ladies returned from getting more drinks and the conversation looped back into everyone chatting away.

But Harry felt terrible. She seemed to notice almost instantly. Of course, she did. She always noticed the change in Harry’s demeanor. Always worried about him. She was perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect.

Without fanfare, she got up to change seats to get closer to him; people shifted silently allowing her space. She perched gently on one of his legs, leaned forward, gently kissed his cheek. “You okay, baby?” She asked quietly, nosing at his ear.

No. Not at all. “M’fine,” he grabbed her hand and wrapped his fingers between hers. It didn’t make sense that she would suddenly feel like Sarah was right. Their fingers fit together perfectly. It was fate. They were...perfectly...imperfect.

“Wanna leave so we can go make out?” She asked with a smile.

It was hard to be frustrated when she was adorable. He wished that he had gotten his act together years ago. “Yes, please, kitten.” She pecked his cheek again.

*

The ride home was quiet. She didn’t pay much mind to it because she got a little sleepy after having wine. Harry took the time to think about how terrible he was as a boyfriend. What her silence meant. Was he making this a bigger deal than needed? He should have asked right then.

But they arrived home and made out for a significant amount of time before falling asleep. Harry had his hands in her hair and his lips devoured hers. His tongue searching for the answer to a question he didn’t ask out loud.

His hands slid down her body and back under her shirt. It made him moan against her lips while she kissed him. An involuntary shiver coursed through her body as he touched her. She dreamed of Harry like this more often than she cared to admit. More so when they started working together. Ever more so when they started being friends. She dreamed of Harry’s voice in her ear whispering to her while he kissed her, touched her, slid into her, and made her whimper, begging silently for a euphoric release. “S’matter, kitten?” His lips touched the curve of her ear making her turn to mush in his hands. “Y’worked up?”

She shook her head. “Just...really happy,” she whispered back. He smiled into her skin. He forgot about Sarah’s question. Forgot about how she didn’t say anything to defend him. It wasn’t the time to worry about it. Right now, he wanted to focus on her beautiful body, her soft lips, and just having her in his arms where he felt she belonged most.

Harry’s cologne made her dizzy, made her feel so safe and warm. She didn’t think about what Sarah said. It wasn’t a thought in her mind. Harry wasn’t her settling. He was worth the wait. No matter how painful it was at times. He was hers now; that’s all that mattered. Even at his worst, he was just a bit grumpier than she would have liked.

If not being friends for so long of their lives and not being a couple for just as long—if that brought her to him now, then it was well worth it. She would redo it over and over again and not change one thing. Harry was perfectly... imperfect. Their life just got stuck for a minute. Like when a zipper gets caught on something. They had to clear up the issue and start over from the spot it stuck. But they fit together... perfectly. Snug together zipped to the top. This is where she was meant to be. She wasn’t settling. Not even a little.

*

Harry was unbelievably nice following the night out. She wasn’t complaining in the slightest. It was just a little different. Not quite out of character, but the behavior usually followed a missed date or something that irritated her slightly.

He had to have gotten up an extra hour earlier to bring her coffee and walk with her to work. He held her hand and massaged his thumb on the back of her hand. During lunch she spoke rapidly about her cases, the book she was reading, a new recipe she found and wanted to try. He nodded eagerly at everything. Harry hardly spoke as she filled their lunch hour with just her voice.

But the way he gazed at her made her feel so warm and fuzzy. He had this smile that made half his face quirk up at an angle that made him look like an angel. She loved him so much it made her stomach twist. “What?” She asked wiping her hand across her face. “Do I have something on my face?” He chuckled, shaking his head. Silently, he walked around his desk, pulled her to her feet, wrapped his arm around her waist, cupped her hand in his, and began to slowly sway to the music playing from his phone. Her heart felt like it wasn’t whole up until that point but suddenly it felt like all the pieces snapped together. She looked up at him curiously, a laugh falling out of her mouth as she did. “What is this, Harry?”

He shrugged. “Jus’... I love you, a lot,” he murmured into her ear, pressing a kiss on her temple.

“Enough to dance in the middle of a lunch break?”

“Especially,” he nodded firmly. As if it was obvious, as if it was the only thing that made sense. If this was what everyone did when they worked.

She tried to remember if she had forgotten his birthday. Or their anniversary. But nothing popped into her mind. They were in work clothes, uncomfortable shoes, and her hair was tied up, so it was out of her face. It wasn’t her best look. It wasn’t necessarily what she would consider a good time to dance. But Harry never ceased to amaze her with how romantic he could be.

“Harry Styles, I love you so extremely, much,” she whispered. The sigh that left him sounded relieved, but she didn’t think much of it. She was happy to be in Harry’s arms in the middle of work and dancing like it was the most natural and normal thing in the world.

Even if it wasn’t, she thought it was because of him.

*

But just a few days later Harry practically ignored her. They were watching a movie together and Harry was more engrossed in his phone than the characters on screen.

“Harry?”

“Hmm?”

She blinked in surprise. “Um... are you mad?” He shook his head, but it felt like the opposite. Frowning, she turned her attention back to the movie. Maybe it was work. There was no way he could be mad at her over something. Nothing came to mind. “Upset?” She asked without looking at him.

“Everything is fine, love.”

She reached out for his hand, he held it lightly, brought it to his lips, and then dropped it back to the couch. Maybe she was reading into it. But dancing in the office in the middle of the week couldn’t have meant nothing and it certainly couldn’t have reverted to this standoffish tone and behavior in a matter of days. Harry scrolled through his phone again silently. “Are you sure—”

“Kitten. M’fine.”

The frown on her lips and between her eyebrows deepened. She was sad that Harry was upset. Even if he wasn’t admitting it. But more so she was worried that it was something she did. Sometimes she had to piece it together because of the knack Harry had for not telling her when something bothered him.

After a few moments of silence, a few moments longer of him ignoring her, he put his phone back on the coffee table. Carefully he pulled her into his lap, so she straddled his waist and he smiled at her like he did right before they danced together. “I adore you,” he murmured bringing her mouth down to his.

She forgot any worry she had when he did that.

*

It was impossible not to notice that Harry was still acting...weird. Since they started dating, he had always been more loving toward her, of course. Especially compared to the decades he wasn’t dating her. But this week...he was nearly attached to her hip. It was like he was nervous to leave her alone or move from her side. Maybe it was something in the air; they were approaching their second anniversary. Maybe Harry was trying to actively remember it this year. It wasn’t his fault—not really. He forgot her birthday again...and their first anniversary. But he warned her from the very beginning that it would happen. She didn’t mind. He always made it up to her and it wasn’t like he...meant to forget it. He set reminders and everything, but he kept managing to be busy.

Perhaps he was starting with the romance before he forgot it so it would lessen the blow.

But then he switched to that off-putting behavior like when they were watching a movie. It switched so rapidly back and forth. Hour by hour. It was like she had two different boyfriends.

After dinner, Harry was in his silent phase again. He was nearly ignoring her. She hated it. “Um...I’m gonna head home, baby. Do you need anything?” She asked.

“No, thank you, kitten.”

He didn’t even try to stop her. Didn’t worry about her Ubering across town alone. Nothing. It was completely different than the guy that begged her to stay the night—that he would wake her and dress her while she slept all in the name of snuggling with her until the morning. Sighing, she rubbed a hand over her face, grabbed her bag and kissed Harry on the cheek as she left him on the couch.

Certainly, she would have remembered if she did something to upset him. She tried to remember every interaction over the beginning of the week when his weird behavior started. As she got into her Uber her phone rang, alerting her that Harry was calling.

“I booked us a weekend getaway,” he murmured.

Blinking at the window, she bit the inside of her lip. “Oh?”

There was a smile in his voice. “Booked us all kinds of pampering, kitten,” he said excitedly.

Oh, he was the most confusing man she had ever met.

*

Their dinner was eaten in silence. Right after they watched another movie without really watching because Harry was busy melting her into the couch cushions with his lips and hands. Harry started clearing his own dish and silverware before she finished eating.

It was enough. She got out of her seat, leaving the plate on the table and followed Harry to the kitchen. He kept his back to her, so she had a moment to look at his cozy frame, draped in a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. It made her dizzy to be around him when he looked so cozy. It made her sad she had to bring up something that might upset them both.

But she needed to be an adult. They needed to talk. “Harry, what has been up with you? You’ve been practically suffocating for half the week, and now you’ve all but...stopped talking to me. We’ve talked about this; you have to tell me when things bother you. We can’t use the silent treatment.”

Harry hated the way she said “we”. He hated it because she meant it so kindly—they were a partnership. They would get through it together no matter what it was. Even though everything she said was all on Harry.

But she didn’t tell him what she was thinking either. That much was made clear by her conversation with Sarah. Maybe she resented Harry more than he thought. More than she let on. Maybe that was her issue. But Harry didn’t want her to have an issue. He wanted her to be her—she was perfect. Truly. But sometimes Harry thought she didn’t push back. Maybe if she did when they were younger, things would be different. They would have gotten together sooner. At best, that was joint blame. But at worst, of course, that was Harry and his unapproachable nature the entire time he knew her.

But Harry didn’t speak.

“Is this just...some... trick? So you don’t forget our anniversary? I already told you I don’t care—”

“Jesus Christ, that too,” he muttered to himself and ran a hand through his hair. Just another thing that he was bad at. Another reason she was just settling for less than she deserved. She watched his head fall lower. His shoulders slumping forward. He needed to do something about the important dates.

She sighed, feeling exasperated by his reluctance to tell her what was wrong. “Harry, I’m trying to help, but—”

“Why didn’t you defend me?” He asked. His voice cracked as he spoke.

The sound of distress in his voice made her stomach violently ache. She had never heard Harry so sad before. It was heartbreaking. “What are you talking about, Harry?” She tilted her head and the annoyance in her voice was gone. Harry was clearly upset, and that broke her.

“Sarah said y’settled,” his voice was so sullen. Sad. The poor thing. He was leaning against the sink, facing away from her. Harry was tall and fit. His shoulders were broad, and she never felt as safe walking down the street at night as she did when Harry was beside her.

Right now, he looked so small and broken. His tall frame shrank under the weight of whatever he was feeling. But she didn’t even know what he was talking about; what did he mean about Sarah? “What... when did Sarah say that?”

“When we were out with everybody,” he mumbled. “Last weekend. Y’jus’... sat there,” he couldn’t face her. Because of course Sarah was right. Harry didn’t deserve her. She was too good.

“Baby,” she whispered softly and touched his back. She felt him stiffen beneath her touch. She frowned. “I don’t know—”

She was going to make him say it. She was going to make him say the very words that plagued him since the dinner conversation he overheard. This was worse than just thinking about it all week. This was punishment for everything he had ever forgotten. Every moment of those twenty something years accumulated into this one moment of absolute anguish—and he had to say it out loud with his own words. “Sarah said y’settled for me. And... that y’shouldn’t be with me.”

There was a flurry of activity in her brain trying to place what he was talking about.

“Harry,” she tried to keep her voice quiet and soft. She didn’t want to say he was ridiculous because it was so obvious, he was upset, and she didn’t want to minimize that feeling. Harry had a lot of emotions for someone who rarely expressed how he was feeling (except for grumpy—he was good at that one). “Baby, please look at me,” she whispered.

“No,” he muttered grumpily.

She sighed. “Baby, please,” she pleaded softly wrapping her arms around his waist. “S’okay,” she promised. “We’re fine.”

“We’re not fine,” he sounded so broken. Her heart thudded in her chest. This felt bad.

“Harry,” she tried again. He tried to push her away. It felt so awful. It was like... an ending. Her heart was breaking. “Harry, stop,” the tears sprung to her eyes. “Please,” she begged but her voice made this shaky cracking sound so loud and so sharply Harry thought she broke a bone—it was the only thing that could sound so sad like that. Harry nearly forgot why he wasn’t looking at her. He spun so fast to face her. He examined her for injury quickly scanning her from head to toe.

“Kitten?” He asked. She sniffled and Harry frowned, pulling her toward him and kissing the top of her head. “S’matter, love?” He whispered. As if he hadn’t just broken her heart.

“I should have defended you,” she croaked. She should have. Even if she didn’t remember the conversation now. Harry was sad. It made her sad. This was so bad. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Harry. I don’t... Sarah was just looking out for me... I don’t know—” she hiccupped.

“Kitten, s’okay,” he murmured comfortingly, rubbing his hand up and down her back soothingly.

“You’re gonna break up with me, aren’t you?” She asked.

His mouth dropped open releasing a surprised gasp. “Baby, of course not. No,” he squeezed her tightly. “I may be an idiot, but m’not stupid,” he kissed her forehead, his lips lingering on her forehead for a long period of time.

“Why wouldn’t you look at me? You said we weren’t fine,” she continued to snivel and ruin Harry’s shirt. His cologne was so comforting it was hard to remember why she was sad. Maybe that was his plan. She would forget that they were having an adult conversation. That it would lull her gently and he could break up with her.

“Kitten,” he sighed and brought his hands to her face. “I love you with m’entire being.”

“But...” she sniffled finishing his thought.

“Y’don’t think you’re settling? Sarah was right... I was so mean t’you... and I should have worshipped—”

She sniveled more. “I don’t care about that.”

“Please stop crying, love. You’re breaking m’heart.”

“I think you want to break up,” she repeated, her voice shaking with every word.

“Angel, m’never letting y’go,” he promised. “It took me a while...but m’never gonna lose you. Not ever,” he brushed his thumbs below her eyes swiping away the tears that had fallen. “Baby,” he murmured. “I jus’... I feel like m’going t’be groveling forever and I should...but s’hard. I want t’be the best for you.”

“But you don’t need to grovel. You are the best.”

“I don’t think y’believe that...s’why y’didn’t answer Sarah,” he smirked sadly. Like he knew her own thoughts better than herself.

“Harry,” she whined. “That’s not true.”

Harry kissed her forehead. “I’ve loved you for s’long… I was too stupid t’realize it.”

“You said you weren’t breaking up with me!” The silence was deafening. The sound of her tears and sniffles were the only thing that could be heard. “Baby,” her voice cracked again.

“I think you should break up with me.” The sobs that left her at that moment were so loud. So full of anguish, it broke Harry’s heart. “Kitten,” he whispered. “S’okay.”

“I hate Sarah.”

“No, y’don’t, angel. Not at all,” he murmured. “She’s your best friend. She loves you. She wants what’s best for you.”

“You are what’s best for me.” He didn’t say anything in response. Why didn’t she just defend him last weekend? Why did Harry overhear? “You’re just gonna give up?”

“No love, of course not. Jus’ told you m’never letting you go.”

“So why are you—”

“Kitten, y’need t’know you’re a queen,” he returned his hands to her face a rubbed away the tears again and pressed a kiss to the center of her forehead. It felt like the pressure of his lips was seeping right through her skull and easing all the tension in her brain. “You deserve so much more than me.”

“I don’t want it,” she sniveled. “Please stop telling me what I need,” she whimpered. Harry didn’t speak. She tried again. “Were you mad...all week?”

“Not at you, m’love. At myself. Y’did nothing wrong. Y’jus’...brought it t’my attention. I wanted you t’defend me...but I... I didn’t really do anything worthy of defending myself,” he shrugged. After a few moments he spoke again after contemplating the week. “I guess I was pretty mad with myself,” he admitted. He wanted her to defend him. But she couldn’t. Subconsciously or not. There was no reason to defend him and his shitty performance as a person growing up in her life. Forgetting her birthday, their anniversary, or just...anything. His grand gestures didn’t matter. She was an angel in every meaning of the word. His perfect angel. It was infuriating. But she just...didn’t have it in her to tell her best friend that Harry was worth it. It made him mad. It wasn’t fair, it didn’t make sense, but it made him mad, nonetheless.

She frowned, the tears slipping over his thumbs faster than he could push them out of the way. She felt helpless. It was her fault it was like this. It was her fault that Harry wanted her to break up with him. It made her sick to her stomach. “I don’t want to. Please don’t make me,” she sniffed again. Harry had never seen anything as sad as the tears in her eyes. “You make me whole, Harry,” she cried still, and Harry felt like he was really making this worse than he wanted it to be. He just wanted her to be sure. She deserved every bit of happiness life had to offer... and part of Harry thought that might not be him.

“Hmm?” He smirked sadly. That piqued his interest though. “How’s that, baby?”

She inhaled shakily and Harry saw the tears start to settle. She swallowed trying to regulate her breathing so she could speak quietly. “When you danced with me at work,”

“Oh?” He asked.

“That was the most…romantic thing I’ve ever experienced,” she looked at him through her wet lashes. Harry thought that even when she was sad, she was the most gorgeous thing he had ever laid eyes on. It pained him to think he was ever anything but sweet to her. That he didn’t cherish every moment with her like he wouldn’t get another.

Smiling, he wrapped his arm around her waist and cupped her hand in his again. “Yeah?” He asked, starting to sway just as he had the other day. It felt just like it did in that moment. Her heart seemed to stop and start at the exact same moment. She wished with everything in her that she had fought Harry and told him that he was an idiot back when they were younger. Not because she was mad—just that she wanted more romantic moments like this. All the pieces of her heart snapped together. Her cheek smushed against his chest listening to his heartbeat. “Like this?” He whispered.

She nodded silently. “You’re the most confusing man I’ve ever met.”

He chuckled. It was a warm, gentle feeling and made every nerve in her body feel like it was melting. “M’sorry, baby,” he kissed the top of her head.

“I don’t want anyone but you,” she whispered. “You bought me all those flowers, all the getaways, the way you get medicine for me when I don’t even know I need it. You always check to make sure I ate lunch. And when I fall asleep on the couch you always take the hair elastic off my wrist,” she reminded him. “I’m sorry. You are so worthy of being defended.”

Harry chuckled quietly, his breath getting lost in her hair and warming the top of her head. “Then s’enough for me,” he twirled her beneath his arm, wrapped her back into his embrace and dipped her to kiss her so sweetly she thought her heart would totally give out. She wasn’t sure she would ever get over the electric feeling of kissing him. She hoped she never did. “M’sorry I didn’t tell y’what I was feeling. I won’t bring it up again. If y’want me, I won’t question it.”

She pressed her face back into his shirt and clung to him like she would somehow fall out of his hold. “You never need to. I love you so much,” her voice was firm.

“Good,” he nodded. They danced quietly for a few moments in total silence. Her breathing evened out. He kissed her hair again. “In case I haven’t said it in a while and it wasn’t completely obvious...I love you so very much too, kitten.”

--

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Hi, I need some advice from a sister-in-Christ please.

It's a boy. Yeah, I know, all bad stories start like that but hear me out. I'm pretty good mates with this boy, he's an amazing person, so kind, really thoughtful, his heart is on fire for Jesus, he's funny, just a great bloke.

I was at a worship thing with him, and I just started sobbing on the floor (good times), and he prayed for me. Anyway, while he was praying, I just "heard" this voice, and it just said "This man is your future husband".

I've prayed about it a lot since, and I always get that same response, yes, you are going to marry this man. And that's all good and well, Your will be done Lord, but like, it's not going to be happening anytime soon... because like, I'm a young teenager, he's a few years older than me, his mum is my teacher, and I just don't want to ruin our friendship. I'm sure that God has a plan, so I'm not going to rush anything, His timing is perfect, but I just would like some advice for like waiting - because I might be waiting 10 years, I might be waiting 30 years, you know?

first off I wanted to thank you for being comfortable enough to reach out to me and thank you for trying to seek advice. now, I don’t personally know you so my first suggestion would be to continually ask for advice from other women in your life who are strong in their faith and able to offer sound advice.

I did notice you mention you’re a young teenager and this guy is older, I don’t know the specifics of course but please try to be careful in situations like these, especially at that age, a few years can make a huge difference then compared to later on in life.

as for the waiting, I can completely relate to you! I have a situation of my own with a guy I like. There’s a lot that I’ve applied to my life that I can pass on to you. The first is to let him lead, don’t try to make any of the first moves yourself:

'Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.' Song of Songs 2:7

This has always been a helpful scripture for me because it reiterates that it is not on my timing and, therefore, I shouldn't try to take charge of it.

Also, even with him leading, it must come from God. If his actions towards you seem in any way impure, talk to someone you trust about it and seek advice. A scripture that I always keep in mind when it comes to the guy I like is this one:

Jesus said to his disciples: "Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble. So watch yourselves." Luke 17:1-3a

This has such strong imagery, especially coming from Jesus! It makes me super aware of my actions and those around me and how we must always strive for the purity of not just ourselves but everyone who sees us too.

More on the waiting: I know it can be hard—so hard! I struggle a bit with it myself, and it’s good that you’re reminding yourself that God’s timing is greater than ours! What I’d suggest is taking the time to be content with yourself and with God. You have to love and seek God with all your heart first and foremost above everything else (if you want, I can tell you some more about seeking God). Something that's been told to me before that stuck is: how can we love someone who's imperfect (aka other people or partners) if we can't completely love the one who is perfect (God)!

Here's some scripture about seeking God and I would also highly recommend reading the rest of Psalm 119!

'Blessed are those whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord . Blessed are those who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart—' Psalms 119:1-2

Also, strengthen your relationships with other sisters too! Don’t focus so much on spending time with the guy and I’d also advise against spending time alone with him. Remember, our purity matters, and we are also influential to other people as I mentioned earlier. Here's another scripture to help with that!

'“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others. ' 1 Corinthians 10:23-24

I’d also advise against building up expectations or a fantasy of him, especially since you are set on believing he’s your future husband. This goes along with seeking God first because you don’t want to get to a point where you begin to idolize this guy and constantly think about him or a potential future relationship (you don't want to spend more time on him than your relationship with God). Live in the here and now! The future will come just as God has promised <3 (and just one last scripture to reaffirm the idolatry point):

'Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry. ' 1 Corinthians 10:14

There’s so much more that I can discuss, and please feel free to reach out to me again if you need clarification on anything or wish for me to elaborate. I wish the absolute best for you, and I’ll be praying for your situation!

i might not be able to ocpost in form of a new drawing today (fucking damnit) but.,,,, have this more than a year old drawing of the oc lore mc,, (his name is yaku, or okazaki yaku if you wanna use the full name). pls hold this little critter as i try to give some tiny bit of oc lore info about this guy and the main antagonist below the cut

Yaku is more of a confused and anxious guy at the start as he literally knows nothing (he just died and got to afterlife, let him have a moment to adapt). Which then gradually turns into being more serious and (mostly) collected in specific situations, while also being a big overthinker that is nervous about anything sudden happening. He is a 20 year old man that slowly forms a family bond with like. everyone at his now "forever" job (Except for a few). That same job being fucking hand-picked out of the billions of people out there to become one of the warriors at the top company of what would be "Hell" to take on many different tasks and requests, as well as the protection of the world he now belongs to. Though at the same job, Yaku is considered as 𝘵𝘩𝘦 weakest employee/warrior, literally weaker than the fighter that is a child (All because of a certain lore mechanic for those same warriors or fighters but it is,,, too much to explain in one post). All the employees were supposed to be blessed by the Gods as to truly be worth of the role that grants great responsibility for the billion of souls living in the same world they are in, and Yaku did get his blessing, Blessing of Thunder.

Moving a bit further from that, Yaku has very big attachment issues in a way that he will get emotionally attached to someone a bit toooo hard if he truly enjoys their company (literally what happened with him and all of his coworkers he loves them all so much). The problem is that one of those of coworkers is quite literally the main antagonist, Kenix or Yi Dal if you prefer his real name (has lore mechanics attached to him based off one of the Deadly Seven Sins). Yea Kenix's and Yaku's relationship is fucking complicated, especially since Kenix is Yaku's uncle (i don't have the time to explain the confusing family tree okay)

Kenix has a brain rot going on, in the quite literal sense (He is cursed and with each day, he loses his sanity and detaches from himself more and more to the point of not being able to have full control over his actions if he is just. a tad bit more insane than usual), so he treats Yaku very badly in the first story arc. He wants to feel guilt over his actions, he desperately wants to be able to feel empathy for his nephew - but with every passing day, he is forgetting about his morals as he is losing 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧. Despite all that, Yaku is already way too heavily attached to Kenix as he is his relative (some heavy found family shit is going on), so he tries to see the best in him, give Kenix a new chance each time to prove that he can get better. But that is not happening any time soon, Yaku,,,,

anyways ending the ocpost at this. I am sorry if this is a cringe premise for the lore but i swear. i poured my heart into this for more than two years and it means so so SO much to me it is my most comfort thing ever, it will make sense later on with more posts like these [screaming and crying] (and if you wanna,,, you can send asks about specific oc lore parts you want to know or just the ocs in general,,, just saying)

GOOD OMENS SEASON 2 SPOILER AND ME TRYING TO COPE WITH IT

Long text, don't bother reading, I just literally have NO FRIENDS to talk to right now, bc mine are still watching...

Analyzing the S2 finale:

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You know, I love both Aziraphale and Crowley, ofc sometimes I tend to go a liiiiittle bit more to Azi, but I can't like, "pick" one of them. And I'll tell you what, I think it's completely possible to keep loving a character and not agreeing with everything they do.

But when it comes to the end of season 2, I swear to you guys, I really got deep down hurt by Azi's decision, at first, and thought that he was marked forever in my heart negatively. Buuuut I knew what was going to happen BEFORE properly watching it, so I could like, process it and see it from another perspective, which I'll explain now.

I like the modified coffee theory, but as much as it BREAKS ME to say this, I believe more that yes, Aziraphale wanted to do what he did by his own, uninfluenced choice. Why? Because we can see - multiple times - that he has never actually left Heaven behind. It's a very central part of his construction as a being, I would say, specially his personality. He can acknowledge how Heaven's decisions are not always, in his judgment, alright, but he firmly believes this is something "ineffable". He is oblivious, and, as Crowley himself say, "pure of heart", and considering Crowley never actually told him how Heaven treated him when they switched bodies, I find it very hard to believe he could see any harm in them, or anyone actually, specially Crowley for all this years, even though he is a demon.

And he is extremely positive. I don't think this is bad, I just think that his optimistic point of view doesn't allow him to see that he is not a savior, that kindness doesn't always change things, that Heaven isn't this good and that Crowley isn't willing to be good, or bad, he just wants to be himself and mind his own business. Azi saw Crowley pre-fall so brightly, passionate and excited that he believes he can't be completely happy as a demon, because this shows a contradiction that is not easy to deal with if you believe everything is "fixable" and will be fine in the end (what does this even mean?). He takes actions believing in it, plus the fact that, like Maggie and Nina said, they don't communicate, at all, like in a proper way, exposing their beliefs and not just supposing what the other one is feeling, or thinking.

That is why I believe this finale brought a very necessary emotional impact, which, IF GOD ALLOWS A SEASON 3 (amen) could lead to a very interesting explore of this plot, character growth, and the acknowledge from both parts that they have a past, and a personality constitution that goes way beyond just their relationship. They have feelings, beliefs, and just the awesome love they feel for each other isn't enough to make things work, just like any relationship, you've got to deal with hard contradictions. I think both of them will suffer to understand that, and so will all of us, but I also believe that, even if love itself isn't enough to make everything okay, it's also a compass that leads you to remember that, if you love somemody so much, you also have to know how to let go of some things that are yours, and make it work.

Sorry about all that long talk, I feel better now. Maybe I should've written it in a diary only for my own personal suffering and coping, and it probably would be easier in my NATIVE LANGUAGE, but anyway, if you read it 'till here, may God bless you.

That's too harsh, padfoot | James Potter x r.blacktwinsister!Y/n

Warning : none, slytherin y/n, walburga and orion is a bit nicer

Summary : James fell for y/n, sirius's sister

"Shit! " You said after walking down the hallway. Finally finishing the last class. "Sorry! " You said. You bumped into a guy. Slick hair, familiar facial features, glasses. James Potter. He kneeled down to help you but you covered your face with your hair, but he knew.

"Are you sirius's sister? " James asked. "Yes, I'm technically his cousin too" You chuckled. He huffed "I can help you with that".

"Weren't you supposed to be rude to me? I reckon my brother hates me and reg" You wondered. "I'm not your brother" He smiled. His face in realization lit up, and he said "sorry, I didn't mean it like that, I can still help you, though".

"It's alright, James, and you can help me, if you insist but I can carry it on my own, you know? " He immediately said "it's no problem, I don't have anything to do anyways". "Alright, uhm, let's go to the dungeons, then" You grinned.

He carried your books all the way to dungeon. Your impression of him turned from asshole to an absolute sweetheart.

"Well were here, thankyou so much, James" You said, taking the books and supplies. "No problem, y/n, and g-good evening! " James said. No way he is James Potter. James Potter is a very confident bloke and never stutters.

"Good evening, james" You smiled, and got into the slytherin common room. "Oo James Potter, sis? I smell 'I fancy him' incoming" Regulus smirked. "No, Regulus he was just being nice, anyways I'm going to my dorm" You said, ignoring his asshole friends.

You felt uneasy. James Potter? No, can't be. You've only talked twice, on your first year and just now. James Potter isn't it, is he? No. You cant be falling for him, he's your brother's best friend, and your brother hates you.

The pattern of 'accidentally bumping to James' became more often, it couldn't be some random accidental things. You felt like you were hopeless, but blessed at the same time. James potter, you were falling for him but his heart belongs to lily Evans.

It was a thursday evening, you didn't go to your common room, instead going to the library. "Hullo" Someone said. You flinched. "Jamie! " You smiled. "You need help? " James asks. "Of course, transfiguration has been killing me inside out" You sighed.

"Lucky for you, I'm James Potter, the master of transfiguration" He said dramatically. "Show me then, James Potter" You said.

Transfiguration is still hard, but it's better with James. You yawned. "James, I think I'm tired". " It's alright, you've been great, and you do look sleepy" He chuckled.

"I'll carry your books for you" James said, organizing the books. "I would've looked like a zombie if I had to carry my books, I usually try to not make you do this but I'm sorry, I'm really tired" You said. "A very gorgeous zombie" James joked.

When you Were infront of the Slytherin common room and took the took from james hands. "Thankyou so much James, love you" You slipped. You immediately blushed. "Goodnight, y/n, love you too" He smirked and left. The common room was quiet because no one was there except for excited first years.

You went upstairs to sleep. But you barely slept, you were thinking of 'love you too'. Is that a platonic thing? Or is that more than friends type of thing.

You woke up the next day, Friday. Boring day. You met James but, he was with sirius and his friends so he couldn't come to you.

You knew not to interact with them especially when there's sirius, that's like immediate no. James didn't tell sirius about you, nor remus and Peter.

"Class dismissed! " Slughorn said, everyone left the room. No james, it was boring, so you went to the library.

Until James's head popped up. "Holy James, couldve said a hello instead of spooking me! " You knew about his cloak. "I know I know, but you just look so adorable when you're shocked" He giggled.

He sat next to you, dangerously close. Then it happened. You kissed. It was comforting. Until..

"Y/n" A voice said. Sirius. He looked mad. "Sirius, I swear I don't mean to ruin your fri-" You immediately looked at him. "No, y/n, stay away from my brother" He said. "You say he's you brother but you barely speak to your actual siblings, Sirius! " You stood up.

"Atleast I'm not going to be mum and dads carbon copy! You guys are bad you know that, and you don't deserve James! " Sirius said. "Sirius we're never going to be mum or dads carbon copy cause we don't want to! Were not as brave as you, you still have a smile on your face when they're mad at you, but we were sobbing when mum and dad were mad at us! You immediately left us after we got into slytherin for what, not all of us are bad! " You said, tears falling. "And maybe you're right, I don't deserve him, he's too good of a guy anyways" You took your book and left to the common room. You heard James calling your name but, you left anyways.

You cried on your way to the common room. And there was Regulus. "Wait y/n what's wrong? Is it james" He immediately asked. You hugged him tightly. "No, it's Sirius" You answered. He knew best not to ask you more question, instead saying "go to bed now, alright, sis? Everything will be alright, I just know it". You nodded as a reply, and went to bed immediately.

Next morning. Saturday. You went to the great Hall with Regulus, he was really your only good friend. You caught eyes with james, but immediately looked away, not wanting another breakdown in the great Hall. "You alright? " Asked Regulus and you nodded. You ate quickly before saying goodbyes to Regulus, snape, Evan and the others.

Immediately first place in mind was the library. You took the good old fantastic beast book. It was not thick but not a thin book, it was perfect. You read it, not looking at the clock, it was five.

"Hello" A voice said. "What do you want, James" You looked back and it was confirmed, it is James Potter.

"I'm sorry for yesterday" James said. "It's not your fault, nor Sirius's, it was mine, I'm sorry, and what he said was true, I don't deserve you, you're too nice for me, James" You replied.

"No, y/n you did nothing wrong, you know I love you, but, do you love me back? " James asked . "I do James, but we won't work anyways, Sirius will hate you," You said.

"Why wouldn't we work? " He asked. He looked hurt, but you didn't mean for him to get hurt.

"I'm a part or the black family line, and, I know you're a pureblood, but Sirius told mother about you, and she sorts of.. Dislike you" You look down. "Hey, look at me" James said "what they think doesn't matter, it's you that matters" You looked up.

"I love you, alright, I really do, and you do too, and your parents isn't going to stop us from loving each other, you know what? You can stay in my house Regulus included, my mom loves having many kids around just please," James sounded like he was begging. "James, I'd love to stay with you, with Regulus too, but what about Sirius, or your parents? " You doubted it'll happen.

"First my mom loves kids, and she'd love to have a girl in there, and second Sirius doesn't hate you, nor Regulus, y/n, he loves you but he try to avoid you, and I swear, after that fight thing we had, he regretted it and he was like sobbing and I was a bit too, and moo- remus and Peter had to calm us down, I-i just never loved someone this much, I'm sorry" James looked down.

"Maybe, we can sort it out, slowly, I'll tell reggie, work with Sirius, and maybe he'll accept us" You smiled. "That's my girl" James got closer and closer and smashed his lips onto yours.

"I love you" You said.

"Mhm, I think we both know I love you more" James sarcastically looked up, and you giggled.

my kaeya brain rot is strong rn he's revolving in my mind like a rotisserie chicken at this point. Anyways, spare reverse comfort for our boy? in those fics it's often the character comforting us rather than the other way around. I wanna tenderly hold kaeya as he cries I want to kiss him and wipe his tears <3 I want to take care of him I wanna make him feel better <3333 why did god have to make him fictional?

it’s going to be okay.

kaeya x gn!reader

hurt/comfort + little bit of fluff at the end

1.7k words

warnings: all lowercase + not proofread + mentions of blood and injury + small spoilers for kaeya’s backstory + mental health struggles

a/n: aaahhsjkjslaak i love this idea sm anon :,) the kaeya brainrot has been severe lately and the thought of comforting him just makes me honestly happy because the poor guy needs it :( i haven’t written something this long in a really long time so i hope it pleases your wishes!

you were woken up abruptly in the middle of the night by a knocking at your door. looking at the small clock beside your bed stand you read the time: “2:36am”

“who on earth is at my door at this hour??” you muttered quietly, slipping out from under the covers and making your way to the front door. you knew you should’ve probably put on a robe since all you had on was a long t-shirt and shorts that looked nonexistent under the shirt, but you were too tired to care.

upon opening the door you were beyond shocked at what you saw.

in front of you stood kaeya, your lifelong friend and also boyfriend, covered in cuts and bruises leaning against your doorframe. you also noted that he was soaking wet and most likely freezing from the torrential rain that mondstadt had been having lately.

“i didn’t- i didn’t know where else to go,” he muttered out between breaths. you looked down and noticed he was holding the left side of his abdomen, blood spilling between his fingers caught your eye. you quickly pulled him inside, closing the door with your foot.

you ushered kaeya over to your couch, grabbing a random dish towel to try and stop the bleeding while you went to grab some supplies. you told your boyfriend to apply pressure onto the wound the best he could with the towel. after that you jogged to your bathroom, pulling a first aid kit out from under the sink. you knew this kit would come in handy someday.

returning to the living room, you kneeled down in front of kaeya and slowly removed the towel from the wound to try and see what you were working with. the cloth was already soaked in blood, which was never a good sign. you told him to keep holding it there for another minute. it was hard to do anything with all the layers of clothing he had on, so you quickly but carefully stripped off his jacket and undershirt. usually in a situation like this kaeya would make a scandalous joke, but he remained silent which told you he was seriously in pain.

once kaeya no longer had a top on you focused back onto the stab wound. reaching for the pack of gauze on the ground next to your legs, you quickly replaced the blood soaked towel with a fresh bunch of gauze. kaeya winced under your touch as you applied more pressure, causing your heart to ache. you hated seeing him like this so you were doing your best to get the bleeding to stop as fast as possible. moments like this you wished you’d been blessed by healing powers like barbara and not this blasted hydro vision.

looking up at the rest of his bare torso you noticed multiple other slices on his body, but those all looked like they were barely flesh wounds and weren’t bleeding as badly as the one to his abdomen. you had so many questions running through your brain— what the hell had happened??

after a few minutes along with slight prayers to the gods under your breath, the bleeding finally calmed down and you were able to remove the gauze. next you grabbed a bottle of disinfectant and poured it onto a new gauze.

“this is going to hurt like hell but i’ve gotta clean the wound, okay?” your gaze flicked up towards kaeya. he had his forearm resting across his eyes, head leaned back up towards the ceiling.

“okay,” kaeya sighed in response. you could hear the exhaustion and pain in his voice. once you found out what happened you were going to hunt down the bastard who did it and give them a beating they’d never forget.

with a small countdown as a warning, you ran the disinfectant-soaked gauze across the wound. kaeya sucked in a quick breath through his teeth, before exhaling slowly. you whispered about half a dozen apologizes as you continued to flush the wound out, making sure there was no way for any infection to form.

once that was all finished you got another wad of gauze, putting it back onto the wound. then, you grabbed a bundle of medical wrap to use to secure the packing. after you spun the wrap around his torso a few times you checked to make sure it wasn’t too awfully tight before securing it completely.

afterwards you quickly walked to your kitchen, washing your hands before grabbing a few painkillers and a glass of water. you brought it back to the living room with you as you sat down next to kaeya.

“here, these will hopefully help take the pain away for a little bit. they’re not the strongest in the world but y’know,” you handed him the pills and glass, watching as he popped them into his mouth and flushed them down with water.

you two sat there in silence for what felt like hours. many questions hung in the air and it was making the air almost suffocating. you had no clue how kaeya would have ever ended up in a situation like this— the last and only other time he showed up at your doorstep like this was the night that crepus died. he’d came to you that night after the fight with his brother, tears spilling from his eyes as you helped patch those wounds. for a moment your eyes flicked down to the burn marks on his ribcage, wrapping around to his back.

gently, you intertwined your fingers with kaeya’s. he looked down at your connected hands, then looked up at you.

“tell me what happened,” you spoke softly, afraid if you were too loud he’d break. you could see just in his one visible eye that he was on the verge of breaking. “please.”

with a long pause, kaeya finally began explaining.

“treasure hoarders. i was supposed to be doing a mission, but i accidentally pissed some off at the tavern and didn’t realize they’d followed me out. next thing i know i’m getting ambushed, didn’t even realize the knife through my abdomen until they’d left,” he stopped for a brief moment before continuing again, “i know i should’ve went to the cathedral and got checked out by the nurses there, but i just couldn’t. i didn’t feel like getting scolded by jean for getting drunk on a mission and possibly even get in worse trouble. i knew you’d also scold me. i also knew that i could trust you with this, since…”

“… we’ve been here before,” you finished his sentence as he began to trail off.

“yeah..” he gulped, looking down at the floor. “i’m- sorry for disturbing you tonight. it’s ok if you’re frustrated i just-“

“i’m not upset with you,” you cut him off, squeezing his hand gently so he’d look back up at you. “i’m just glad you’re alright. i couldn’t even bring myself to be mad at you over this, you know i’d do anything for you. even if that meant becoming a doctor at almost 3 in the morning. just please know i’m here for you, i can tell you’re struggling with something and i’m willing to listen whenever you’re willing to talk.”

with those last few words kaeya completely broke down. you were quick to wrap your arms around him, pulling him into a warm hug. you rubbed small comforting circles into his back as he cried into your shoulder. your heart broke while listening to the cries that came from his mouth. as much as you wanted to say something, you figured it was best to just let him cry it out for now.

“i’m just so fucking tired with everything right now,” kaeya mumbled into the crook of your neck between cries.

“what do you mean?“ you knew damn well what he meant, but this was your way of getting him to talk instead of bottling it up and tossing it away. playing dumb so that he’d have to explain was one of the only ways to get him to actually open up.

“i- i have no motivation for anything anymore.. going to work and doing my duties there feels more like a chore than anything now. i’m sick of having to put on a façade every single day and pretend that i’m happy in order to please the public when in reality i’m being pulled back under by an anchor,” kaeya’s voice cracked once again, more tears threatening to spill from his eyes. although everything was muffled since he had his head buried, you could hear it all clear enough. “… i get no sleep anymore because every time i close my eyes i see demons of my past lurking everywhere. i’ve went back to drinking because that’s the only way for me to not feel all of this— and that’s why i ended up bleeding at your doorstep.”

you felt tears of your own threatening to spill at his words. although you and kaeya have both dealt with a majority of each other’s issues together, every time he opens up to you you can’t help but want to cry for him.

“kaeya- look at me,” you whispered softly, hoping it was loud enough to hear. he slowly pulled back and faced you, his one exposed eye all puffy and red from crying. “you’re going to get through this, okay? i’m so terribly sorry that all of this is happening and i should’ve caught on sooner but i’m here for you. i promise. you know i don’t break promises, especially to you. i love you so, so much and i won’t leave your side at all,” you reached up to cup his wet cheeks, brushing away tears with your thumbs.

“thank you,” kaeya leaned into your touch, giving you a sad smile. “i don’t know what i’d do without you.”

“you don’t have to tha-“ you were cut off by kaeya leaning in and igniting a soft kiss between the two of you. you moved your hands from his cheeks to running your fingers through his hair. you felt as his hands slowly wandered down until they found your hips, stopping there and squeezing then gently.

“i love you so much,” he whispered between kisses.

“i love you more,” you responded, pulling away from the kiss and wiped more tears off of his face. you leaned in again and gave a few kisses to his cheeks, almost like you were “kissing the tears away.”

“it’s going to be okay,” you reassured, pulling your boyfriend back into another hug. he tightened his grip on you this time, like if he were to let go you were going to slip away.

“it’s going to be okay.”

Dave Sholin: "In 1975, John Lennon and Yoko were blessed with the child they'd wanted so badly — their son, Sean Ono Lennon."

John Lennon: "He was born on October the ninth, which I was, so we're almost like twins. The funny thing is, if he doesn't see me a few days or if I'm really, really busy and just sort of get a glimpse of him, or if I'm feeling depressed without him even seeing me, he sort of picks up on it, and he starts getting that way. So it's like I can no longer afford to have artistic depressions, which usually produced a miserable song, but it was something I could use. So if I start going really deep, sort of wallowing in a depression so I kind of enjoy it as best I can, he'll start coming down with stuff, so I'm sort of obligated to keep up. But sometimes I can't because something'll make me depressed, and there's no way I can deal with it. And then sure as hell, he'll get a cold or trap his finger in the door or something will happen. So now I have more reason to stay healthy and bright. I can no longer wallow in it and say, "Well, this is how artists are supposed to be, I suppose. Write the blues, you know..."

Dave Sholin: "John told us he didn't want to repeat his macho mistakes of the past. He wanted to be a true father to Sean, an around-the-clock daddy."

John Lennon: "A boy was really programmed to go in the army. That was about it, you know. And you had to be tough, and you're not supposed to cry, and you're not supposed to show emotion. And I know Americans show more emotion and are more open than English people. But it's pretty similar over here. There's that Calvinist, Protestant, Anglo-Saxon ethic, which is don't touch, don't react, don't feel. And I think that's what screwed us all up, and I think it's time for a change."

Dave Sholin: "Lennon obviously realized that he could never be called a typical father; his fame and wealth made that label absurd. But the love in John Lennon's heart for Sean, and the desire that love created to spend as much time as possible with his boy, led to some deep thinking on raising a child."

John Lennon: "I took the time... Any famous star... and I'm not going to name any names, but many of them have had problems with their kids, either killing themselves or in various ways. I don't buy that bit about quality over quantity. You know, like an hour a week of intense rolling in the hay together is better than twenty minutes every day of you being bitchy and just being yourself around him. So I don't try and be the God Almighty kind of figure that never... Is always smiling and just this wonderful father. Nobody knows about children, that's the thing... You look in the books — there's no real experts. Everybody's got a different opinion. You learn by default in a way. I made a lot of mistakes already, but what can you do? I think it's better for him to see me as I am. If I'm grumpy, I'm grumpy. If I'm not, I'm not. If I want to play, I play. If I don't, I don't. I don't. kowtow to him. I’m straight with him as I can be. Yes, I can afford to take the time, but anybody with a working wife might be able to afford to take the time if they've not got a working wife because they're poor and they both have to work. But I know lots of dads who aren't working that hard, who are just sitting in an office all day anyway to avoid life. They're sitting behind desks, and they're doing nothing, just shoveling paper, right, waiting for lunchtime to get a cocktail. But I don't buy that "My career is so important that I'll deal with the kids later" bit, which I already did with my first marriage and my first child. I kind of regret it. My other son by my first marriage is seventeen. I don't remember seeing him as a child. It didn't even enter... Like most guys of twenty-four, twenty-five, they're too intent on their career, really."

John Lennon for Dave Sholin in December, 1980 (Published on December, 14, 1980). ㅡ From the book "Lennon On Lennon: Conversations With John Lennon" by Jeff Burger.

People who said that lestat is simply acting like a "bad person" sometimes or claimed that lestat is a totally different Guy in the vampire lestat (1985) probably just never understood who he is as a character and aren't interested in understanding him either. This is not about the dictonomy of good and evil, this is about what being trapped in pain does to people. Lestat is dead! What is good and evil to a dead person! Lestat functions the same way a vengeful spirit does: he died from traumatic death and couldn't moved on, so he continued on wrong and trapped in their own pain, bound to inflicting death and suffering on people around them!

if you pay attention to how he's portrayed in IWTV, then you'd see that the vampire lestat does not actually contradict its text in any substantial way. Louis never cared to understand Lestat as a person--he said that numerous times at the beginning of IWTV--but from his outside perspective, he did spot something about the way Lestat behaved as a vampire that better explains what makes him tick as a vampire/undead. Now, not to quote Tom Cruise of all people, but after Anne Rice yelled at him, he did seem to understand Lestat a bit better; he said that lestat did everything from a place of love and longing (check mark, correct), but he did them with sadism (bad phrasing, only pointed out the symptom not the cause, ultimately incorrect). Now, in life Lestat was a good and loving person, and in death, his actions were tainted with pain, vengeance and resentment--not sadism. Lestat died way too young, with too much hope in his heart and with too much love left to give. Lestat and Nicholas, the young man he was in love with, saved each other in Paris. Lestat was full of so much hope pursuing a life doing something he was passionated about. He ran away from his abusive family with the blessing of his mother, and now finally he could breath. And then boom, just like that, out of nowhere and for no reason at all, all of that went up in smoke. Lestat suffered a very traumatic death at only the age of 21, and he was forced to make an impossible choice: walk into the sunlight and embrace agony and true death, accepting the fact that he died and he had to leave his beloved Nicki, his friends, and his life full of promises and hope behind, or, he can continue as a vampire/a undead and try to make life works for him in this new and horrible state of being. But like all human being, he feared horrible pain and he could not let go of earthly attachments. He knew his death was not fair, that it was not just, and that he suffered death for no reason at all. If life could be taken from him for no reason, why shouldn't he take the life that he needed to continue his existence? Why should he suffer for something he was not responsible for? It is not theft if you are taking what should have been yours anyways, right? Sadly, no, It's selfish to wantonly inflict misfortunes on others just because you yourself have suffered tragedy, but Lestat was in pain, and he could not stop mourning his unjustly stolen life, so he must avenge such injustice with the lives of others. It's very hard to care whether your actions are selfish or not when you are in pain.

I think it kills Lestat to admit how apathetic and cruel he's become just to cope with/numb the pain and horror of having to take the life of others to sustain his own. He claimed that he tend to claim the lives of those who has done "evil", but such justification doesn't really stand on its two legs, it is just an excuse he made up to avoid facing the sort of person he has deteriorated into in death. With no way to understand his own capability for violence, Lestat likes to think himself as "the devil", as inherently evil, because he could not understand why he would kill over and over again to feed on people as a vampire. This rigid model of "good" and evil" doesn't help him to understand himself as a person, or help him to act like a more human and better version of himself. Honestly, such model doesn't really help you to understand him a character either.

@tenkoseiensei asked: ' i don't know anything about magic, ' he begins, ' but i'm sure i could take at least a dozen wizards in a fight. ' nerds versus jocks! or something like that, right? no, seriously! ' with people like me, havin' a good teacher's just about as amazing as bein' good at somethin' yourself. so how the hell does it work for you guys? is it innate? some kinda power drawn from the heart bullshit? ' it'd be pretty embarrassing to hear that spell slinging was welled up deep within everyone, but even then, yan qing was sure he didn't need it. being dead and incomprehensible was enough. ' seems like y'could make just about anything happen. power struggles must get big, sometimes. '

❛ You are born with it. ❜ So, you suppose "innate" is correct in a way... but saying "you are born with it" feels wrong as well. Yet, you can't help but laugh at his question. Ahh... yes... magic is drawn from the heart, isn't it? Or rather... it's drawn from positive emotions for all others. Things like love or happiness are the strongest emotions to create magic, yet curiosity, excitement, wonder. Things like that work as well. It's a learning process, yet you are inherently broken. ❛ If you are not born a mage, you can never learn magic~ Humans have tried in every possible way. Swallowing mana stones, many magical weapons that run off of mana stones, or even praying to gods and pretending that gives them divine powers... ❜

Though, all of those times that someone claimed godly powers were false. They simply had a item that was enchanted by a mage of some sort. Perhaps it was cursed, perhaps it was blessed. You don't make it your business because it's boring. Humans are dreadfully boring unless you are tormenting them. They are weak, like wooden puppets that barely are hanging onto their pathetic strings. Still, you weren't expecting him to ask such a question and it lets you finally have a smile stretch across your face as you consider how to answer more and more.

❛ You make it sound as if it's something you despise. Is the heart hard for you to understand? ❜ Well, you aren't much different. ❛ A typical witch or wizard would use their heart to cast magic. Though, it's because emotions are the strongest medium you can have to have magic flow out of. That is why we love festivals, we love to sing, dance, and make merry... it makes our magic stronger when we are happy. ❜

You aren't very good at explaining this, Especially since this isn't even how your magic works. You aren't sure why it got all twisted and wrong for you, but everything is wrong with you. You are backwards, broken, wrong, worthless. You shouldn't even exist, you shouldn't be alive. Yet, at some point you weren't to live so badly that now you can't die.

❛ Though, That's just how normal wizards cast magic~ For some reason, I don't. I have to feed off of terror, fear, chaos~ That's how I gain my power. ❜ and you have done everything you can do to be strong and to be a factor in the power struggles that do exist.

❛ Power struggles... They are frequent- Rather, they are constant. Even know, I'm sure that idiot Mithra is trying to plan how to kill Oz again. ❜ You sigh. You know that he has no clue who either of them are, but he is asking so you are going to talk! ❛ Oz is the strongest Wizard alive~ And he does nothing with that power. All he does is brood away in solitude all day long. He's gloomy, creepy, and annoying. I hate him, but Mithra isn't much better. He's aggressive, violent and unpredictable. All he does is kill me because he knows I won't die. ❜ Even if you do exactly what he tells you to, he'll still kill you sometimes anyways because he's just in a bad mood! Or if he asks you for help he still attacks you sometimes because he reflexively gets defensive. You seriously can't stand him. Oz is hardly better though, because you can't die he'll torture you.

Ahhh, this is annoying you now.

❛ Northern wizards like myself are the strongest there are~ Raw power is all we need. Oz could split the whole world in two if he so felt like it, so I suppose some would thank him for being so passive. Even for someone 1000 years younger then I, if they were trained properly then they could easily wipe out a large city with ease. Wizards die all the time in the north~ It's a constant struggle simply to survive... You either submit to the most powerful, or hope you are crafty enough to survive and become powerful. ❜

Thanks for converting me into a stunticon enjoyer. Because of you, I was able to imagine Motormaster being miserable. They’re the embodiment of “be gay, do crimes and I love them for it.”

i don't know if i'd call them the embodiment of "be gay, do crimes" - motormaster, especially not. They're trying too hard. They may be gay and they may do crimes but they're authoritarian losers and they do not have The Vibes. The Combaticons, though... they are be gay do crimes.

(the MOST be gay do crimes of all the combiners on the decepticon side are probably the terrorcons but i know them the least so shhh we're gonna ignore that for now, but they're like outcasts by choice as well as by nature and they eat people and are gay and sweet with each other so. they win)

anyway because i said i'd be writing essays I'm gonna break down exactly why i think that and you can't stop me. no cut because either you have post shortening on at this point or you can suck it up and scroll for a few moments <3 this is a pvp enabled zone and i am in control

A big part of my read on Motormaster specifically is that he is a goddamn tryhard and he doesn't know how to fucking chill. He wants to be perfect and he wants his team to be perfect and he wants everything they do to be better than everyone else and he will not take no for an answers. And he wants Megatron's approval. You can and should make a case for the Decepticons as a whole doing crime, but I don't think "desperately trying to follow instructions and reacting with over the top violence when his teammates won't" really qualifies as being gay and doing crimes. It's in the wrong vein. If you're only committing crimes because your daddy told you to and you're gay because it never occurred to you otherwise you're still an authoritarian follower loser without an anarchist bone in your body, and Motormaster (bless his heart) has absolutely never once in his life considered that the hierarchy he was built into could possibly go literally any other way.

Drag Strip would be be gay do crime if he weren't so much of a tryhard loser also. He wants approval soooooo bad, it doesn't work. He can't be anything but a poser because the minute you tell him he's doing a decent job and you think it's cool he will go full hog into doing whatever the fuck that is so hard that it immediately loops back around into being a painfully desperate attempt at not being worthless and that is very lame of him and embarrassing. If he were doing crimes and then stopped and then you complimented him enough for stopping he would immediately go take the straight and narrow road so hard that you'd be calling him Ultra Magnus 2 within a week. The vibes are wrong. He's too fickle about it and it doesn't work.

Wildrider could be be gay do crimes if he weren't too busy being a hyperactive destructive whirlwind of a guy. i love that for him but the vibes are different again. he's not an anarchist he is an arsonist. I think he's the closest, though.

Breakdown is gay but do you believe this man has ever comfortably committed a crime of his own volition. Do you think this guy goes out and does crimes for fun. Do you actually.

I like Dead End but like the same thing applies. I do not believe this man would shoplift and I do not believe this man would go out and do graffiti or even cheat at poker or something because I strongly do not believe that Dead End goes out for fun. And if he does he goes to like poetry readings or some other shit like that where he's not doing crimes unless the crime is "listen in from outside while being a car." Boring. He is not be gay do crime, he is be gay listen to Keats

OKAY now to the Combaticons. It still doesn't work so well because they're obviously not anti-authoritarian anarchist assholes (/affectionate, I am) EITHER but like at least they don't want approval from anyone but Onslaught. They had to be put in chains to be brought around to the Decepticon side in g1 and i am never ever ever ever ever letting that go, you cannot stop me.

Onslaught is not be gay do crimes. He is in charge and he likes being in charge and therefore he doesn't qualify but also this is not a guy who recreationally commits crimes because I don't think he knows what "recreation" is and if you asked him what he does for fun he would ask you why you think he is so pathetic as to do things for fun. Very boring. Totally wrong mindset. He is not be gay do crime.

Blast Off could be gay and do crime but unfortunately he also doesn't go out doing dumb shit for fun because it's a waste of time and he'd rather do something else that isn't a waste of time. and also hes a little too straightlaced to be Be Gay as opposed to just be gay. if you get me

Vortex is be gay do crime. His crimes are like "murder for fun" and "torture for fun" but they're still crimes done for fun and because fuck your authority and you can shove it up your ass. First one to qualify.

Brawl is also be gay do crime but his crimes are like "bar fight" and "blow up building without prior authorization" but they're still for fun and not because he just looks at a building and needs to see it be on fire immediately like Wildrider. Wildrider and Brawl together are totally be gay do crime though. also they should hold hands and maybe k*ss idk, one day ill finish that fic

Swindle would be be gay do crime if he weren't too busy being a salesman but instead he is like the 30 year old older brother of be gay do crime, be gay do unethical business practices. he is a mlm mlm (multi level marketing man loving men)

ever since i saw a post about the idea of sonic (jokingly) being a sort of wind god, i’ve had so many thoughts in my head abt an AU that goes like:

Ok so an AU where Sonic IS a wind god who lives up in, idk, God Land w/ some other gods.

Anyway, one day he decides to drop down to the mortal plane for fun and to experience the world he’s helped create, bc sitting around blessing mortals n stuff gets boring after a while.

Basically, mans skydives outta god land without telling anyone & its all fun and games until he crash-lands in a field head first (& surprisingly does not lose his memory).

From there, he’s found and rescued by Tails and his magical golem. Sonic wants to hide the fact that he’s a god, so he feigns complete amnesia… until Tails decides he wants to try and help him recover his memories. Then Sonic claims to have recovered some memories the next day. He makes up a very odd yet mundane story abt his life. Is his tale believable? …Ehhh if you squint hard enough🤨.

And eventually a plot begins where someone in the story needs, or is trying to get, the 7 Chaos Emeralds or something. idk. Is it Eggman trying to get them for nefarious means? Is it one of the good guys getting a prophecy to gather the 7 emeralds? Someone else entirely? Dunno.

Anyway some lore stuff I have cooked up:

This is basically a fantasy rpg-like setting with magic and kingdoms and all of that. Technology would probably exist, but it’d be magically fueled u know? Like a “phone” being a specific crystal fueled by mana that allows voices to travel long distances or smth.

Tails is a self-taught magic scientist. He’s gone as far as to create a Golem from scratch in his off-time by the name of Emerl. Emerl is seen as odd for a golem, as he wasn’t built with a personality or directive in mind, rather, he was built to form his own personality & directive by observing others. At the start, he mostly takes after Tails & Tails’ friends. Now he also gets to take after this odd, lackadaisical, cocky, yet soft-hearted stranger by the name of Sonic. Yippeeee!

Amy is a paladin (thanks SF:SB) who is the retainer to Princess Blaze of Soleanna. She’s got an eye for strategy (shoutout to whatever Forces was trying in that regard) and presents a more level-headed exterior in the public, but is truly just a peppy, bubbly girl on the inside (& off the clock). She hangs out with ppl like Tails & Cream when she can.

Silver is a mage and oracle-in-training who’s the retainer to Princess Elise of Soleanna. He’s usually cheerful, naive and optimistic, but also has low tolerance & respect for people who bother him (stares at the Sonic Rivals Duology Silver. I love that little punk).

So yes, Blaze & Elise are related here. I mean cmon SOLeanna? SOL dimension? SOLaris??? BOTH CHARACTERS RELATE TO FIRE IN SOME WAY???? CMON!!! Anyway Elise & Blaze are step-siblings & Elise is a bird.

Anyway, there could possibly be a “kingdom” for each of the gods?? I could see characters who’d fit as important royal-like figures corresponding to each elemental god, but im not sure of that yet. At the least, we got the Soleanna Sisters

There are mortals who’ve been blessed by certain gods. Some examples are Tails being blessed by “Sonic” [whatever Sonic’s god name is], Blaze + Elise by Solaris, & Knuckles by Tikal.

Speaking of, so far, the gods I’ve thought of are:

Sonic (Wind), who looks like Super Sonic in his god form & any mortal depictions of him. However, he disguises himself in a different form (that’s just his normal blue self in-game/media) when dropping into the mortal realm.

Tikal (Earth), who looks like her usual in-game self. Also, those blessed by the Earth God are the only ones with notable healing capabilities. While anyone who’s blessed by a god has better self-regeneration than those not blessed, only those blessed by Tikal are can directly heal others.

Chaos (Water). aka the God of Gods. Almost never seen by the other gods unless its something important. Sonic, being the youngest of the main gods, has never actually seen Chaos in any way shape or form. VERY picky about who gets their blessing. Probably doesnt even bless people anymore, actually.

Solaris (Fire), who im not sure what looks they’ll have. Maybe literally how they look in 06 (which i think is just some weird… bird-like shape of light? Or maybe they look like Crystal Mephiles? Or a bird anthro? Maybe they shapeshift when they feel like it? Can Solaris split themself into Iblis & Mephiles or is Solaris just one entity? Much to think about.

??? (Light). There’s a “Fallen God” who was once known as the God of Light. After a certain incident, they were branded as the God of Destruction and banished to the mortal realm with his memories wiped. The God of Light is hardly known or worshipped in the mortal realm after most traces of their existence have been removed. These days, those blessed by the God of Light are few and far between, to the point where it’s become a mark of misfortune to have such power. Hmmmm I wonder who this Fallen God could beeee 🤔

& there may be another character or two who could fit the role of a god but idk off the top of my head.

…& I think thats all i’ve got for now. Listen this has been cooking in my head for days and especially last night for some reason. lmk what yall think bc its a fun little story idea thats been swimming in my brain hgkgh. Or if yall wanna shoot off some ideas n stuff that’d be fun too.

Jumbled Thoughts: The Accidental Power Paradox

So what do I mean by accidental power? Well, it’s actually what it sounds like. “I have great, cosmic power! Power beyond comprehension! Reality is my bitch and I can do it all before even a cup of coffee! The drawback? I can’t control it. It works when it works and it doesn’t when it doesn’t.” There is a lesser version of this that’s also “The character’s ability is luck.” Especially when it comes to bad luck and there’s a reason I highlight the bad luck more than good luck ability actually. In both cases though, the explanation is supposed to be that randomness and chance are a major factor in the outcome. That for as hard as they may try, they can never force it. Which... On paper sounds great. It’s a rough position for a character to be in to know that the next time they cast a spell, it could just not work. Or do something they don’t want it to. Or any of a million possibilities. But let’s evaluate from a story perspective how that manifests. What the possibilities for it are as written: 1. It never fails when it’s needed. The character’s bad luck makes them lose twenty bucks but when they need something to keep itself together just long enough for someone to save them, it does. The magician couldn’t fix the bar that his barbarian companion destroyed because the aetheric currents said no but when the dragon was about to roast them all, he summoned his magic and didn’t just make a shield, he actually turned the fire to his will before using it against the dragon itself! The hero who sometimes has his powers couldn’t save himself from bullies but after chanting to himself, screaming to the heavens and running there depowered anyways, he transformed just in time to save his girlfriend! And... This is how it goes every time. We never see the trauma or tragedy that would befall them if the coin hit tails when everything was at stake. This is the most common honestly for the power side of things. And, as a subsection 1. B: I’m clumsy! But not in a fight or a way that matters. It’s weird how many characters get clumsiness as a trait, especially when they’re meant to be formidable or the like. It makes them out to be a bit of a goofball, lead to some silliness and from time to time might make it so they slip in battle before then spinning on the ground and taking out three guys while they’re laughing. Because... That’s totally a downside to a character and not just a visual gag. The problem for this one is also the most obvious. It stops feeling like there’s a drawback if there are never consequences caused by the drawback. And this admittedly goes for ANYTHING. You have a stamina or mana system? Then when you say a character is out of mana or something takes a fuckton of energy, it better actually be the case. If they manage to somehow draw up enough dregs of energy to cast a ninth level spell or come back as if they just had a twelve hour nap in five minutes, then you’ve broken your own rules. You’ve exposed the lie. That the rule was only ever in place for when it was convenient. When the plot demanded it. Even worse for this archtype when it NEVER goes wrong is that you never even get the angst caused by... Well, wait for it. Oh, and this goes triple actually for the ‘bad luck’ character who never gets in real trouble. Quick story about a really bad anime: A friend of mine told me to check out Tenchi GXP with him because we’d just watched Tenchi Muyo and I’d loved it. When they told me the main character had ‘bad luck’ though, I asked if it was actually good luck and they called it bad luck. My friend said no. My friend, bless their heart, lied to me. The moment this just shattered like glass (and it was pretty bad before now too in really egregious ways) came when the main character warps into a new part of space and suddenly space pirates by the DROVES start warping on his location. Their warp drives just... randomly brought them there. How unlucky! He has no way to fight them after all. Problem was that GXP stands for Galactic Police and they were hot on his trails for his shenanigans but still on his side so suddenly all these pirates now had to deal with a fuckton of police. It’s a rout, the main character is awarded the bounties of some of the hardest to ever catch criminals the force has ever found and given a captain spot and his own starship specifically so they can track him, wait for his distress beacon to proc, and go find the pirates because this is THAT PREDICTABLE A SITUATION. That’s not bad luck. That’s good luck. 2. It ALWAYS fails when it’s important. Oh, you’re a side character! Maybe a one off where the characters meet you, your life is sad and miserable and either the main characters figure out why you can never save the ones you care about and fix your problem or just go on after a “Sucks to be you!” 3. It sometimes fails. In all situations. Congrats! This sounds like the right outcome, correct? This is what it’s supposed to do after all. Right? Right?

Well... Now it’s time to talk about the paradox side of this. Because this was inspired by a friend of mine pitching that a character’s magical powers were meant to be random and by accident and that they didn’t know how they work. As I said at the beginning of this: That’s good in theory. In practice, you’re the writer. YOU know how it works. And if your excuse for why it doesn’t work or not in a given situation is random, it’s not. It’s what is commonly referred to as “The Hand of the Author.” Because you had to make a decision. You had to decide whether or not it worked and the consequences for it. That’s the biggest problem with this sort of power. You could even try to go full D&D on this and use dice and what not to decide when it works or not and you still won’t escape it. The dice say that as a blade comes down, their shield doesn’t activate? Well, randomness just decided that character is dead. OH but what about that romance subplot you’re really invested in? Wait, what if their shield fails, their life flashes before their eyes and then suddenly their new life stops the blade just in time to save them? Isn’t that romantic? Isn’t that such a sweet way for such a harrowing moment to go well? But you also just cheated your concept. And... That’s fine. You’re the author. End of the day, you’re in control of the characters and plot. Everything you have at your disposal to tell your story should be used. The question is if your audience is going to be okay with your reasoning when it happens. Because let’s say that we’re back at that sword stroke. You roll the dice and you stick with it. The character is dead, romantic subplot be damned. You made it random and stuck to your guns on it. And then people on Twitter or Reddit or in general LOSE THEIR SHIT. What about the time he stopped a friend from being torched by a dragon? Why couldn’t that guy die instead? Come on, his powers failed that morning when he had to fix a barbarian’s bar room brawl! He earned having his powers work this time! And you notice that readers do drop off after this. Maybe not a lot... But some have discerned the lie. Or shown that, honestly, the lie was never a strength of your story because if your only explanation is cosmic fate... You control that cosmos. And some people are going to realize and have an issue with that when something theoretically is 100% in your control hurts them. Now, you might reasonably ask why it matters if this is in the author’s control if they’re god in a story. Isn’t everything their decision? A character makes a mistake and you’re the one who told them to make a mistake, right? Well... 4. The power was never accidental at all. This is an option. The character themselves may think it’s random but it wasn’t. Let’s take that wizard. He was annoyed at his barbarian friend and didn’t want to help him. When he cast the spell, instead of just failing, it shattered the tables! It made the damage worse and he didn’t rightfully no why. The barbarian and the innkeep both scream at him, claiming it was on purpose, and so he goes out for a stroll. He’s sad, questioning his abilities and wishing he had answers for them. When a pack of assassins come for him, he tries to ward them off with magic but his heart isn’t in it. The one he loves recently had a fight with him and things have just been terrible in general. A small part of him honestly just wishes things would stop being so bad. And that small part wins out when the blade comes down, unlike against the dragon when his friends cheered him on! Told him how great he was and how he had to simply believe himself! They all that day were scared but they believed they’d make it out somehow! Someway. The only one of them that wasn’t scared was the mage. He believed his friends after all so why did he have anything to fear? All he had to focus on was how the dragon would be felled. Preferably by his hands. A savvy audience could put together the rules that the wizard never did. That even if they didn’t understand it, both the author and the audience did. It had rules. It had reasoning. It just could feel random because those rules might influence the outcome. Emotions can do a lot after all so having a spell be more powerful or more destructive than hoped for when influenced by them? Actually pretty good and a fun bit of flair rather than simply authorial intent. And that’s how you avoid the ‘god’ claim. When a character makes a mistake, if it’s rooted in the character’s flaws and the like, then you as the author can mostly only be blamed for putting the character in that situation and giving them the flaw. What they did in that moment simply made sense for them though. That’s how you get things like Greek Tragedies. When everyone is acting as they should according to their character and everything goes wrong. Because hey, this thing you have to make in a way that can be understood by people having logic to it weirdly benefits from having logic to it instead of just trying to mimic reality. And is there an upside for people who’s ability is luck? Well, weirdly enough: 4 b: Their power is based in good luck. This isn’t even a joke. Anyone who read the Halo Book “The Fall of Reach” might even be humming to themselves with a smile. After all, Master Chief in the books was not the best Spartan because he was the strongest, smartest or fastest. Cortana states that what makes him special is that he’s lucky. And most main characters are. They run into the right people, have patrols on the right cycle, have the right rainy days that put them under a bus stop with the girl they like, etc. like that. Suddenly, you’re giving an in universe reason for all those coincidences. Does that mean you should have them find a billion dollars or win every lottery they enter? No. That’s asinine unless that’s the point of the story. It’s also why you very rarely have characters who stick around long term with luck anything. It’s a bad mechanic in a story. Plain and simply. Conclusion: “There is no such thing as coincidence.” In life, I don’t agree with that. A Twitter algorithm happened to show you a piece from an artist you end up being friends with because you liked it so much that you start following them? That’s coincidence. You find twenty bucks on the street? Awesome. You forget the soda you put at the bottom of your shopping cart? Sucks. But it’s not some cosmic deity deciding today is a good or bad day for you. That is not the case in a story. No matter what an author says, or the characters in universe say, there is a deity deciding everything for them. It may be good and listen to them as characters but it still makes the final decision. And before anyone tries to be a dick: Coincidence in a story has its place. If a character was ‘just in the neighborhood’ but vital to continuing the plot, that’s okay. Sometimes momentum and emotion can be better than pure logic. In fact, commonly, a little bit of bending is best. But don’t try to tell me something will be easy to drink from when it’s a two foot long crazy straw. The moment it becomes annoying to drink with, I’ll start asking why it isn’t straight because at that point, the curves won’t be worth the trouble anymore.