#8. oh fuck I’ve got another submission due
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(1) Daze of Pollen
(Work in Progress - 1 of 8; Slow updates)
Daze of Pollen Materlist
Pairing: (cis)fem!Reader x Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x Sam Wilson
Words: 1800+
Warnings: None except language?
Summary: Bucky, Steve, Sam and you are in the safe house post mission when a retrieved Hydra device activates, releasing a kind of pollen you don’t know of, but the effects of which are soon discovered.
A/N: To all my horny bitches out there, I’m sorry the first chapter isn’t smutty. I didn’t plan on keeping the entire first chapter as the intro but it just...happened. Also, This is my submission for @buckyssoul ‘s Rae Hit 1k Marvel Writing Challenge. I’m sorry for the delay. Hope you like it!
It is a strange concept, really. We don't always get what we want. But if we do, it's when we least expect it, in the most strangest of ways as well.
Call it your good luck, fate, destiny, a simple mere coincidence, or whatever. You were grateful for that night in the safe house regardless. For the first and the last time, you could say that you were thankful for a little Hydra contraption.
It all started during a peaceful dinner. You and your group of friends were relaxing after a successful mission, treating yourselves with any and all comfort food available in the safe house. The mission was anticipated to be much harder than usual; the only reason why Bucky and Sam had asked you and Steve to accompany them. Quite unexpectedly, the mission went smoothly and it seemed there was no need for the extra help they had requested. But considering the mission consisted of scoping out an abandoned Hydra base, being overly cautious was preferred than being overconfident. One never knew the levels of villainy Hydra truly possessed.
Oh, you were about to discover the truth in that statement just fine.
Bucky sat across from you on the dining table, Sam to your right. The duo played catch with a balled sheet of paper, their half eaten meals abandoned on the table. You and Steve conversed with them while enjoying your respective sandwiches.
It was true that Steve had given up his Captain America mantle to Sam, a man just as deserving of the title, but hadn't completely retired. He didn't get out on the field anymore, but used his excellent strategic skills in planning the missions sometimes, especially if it included Hydra.
All of you would have been enroute to the Compound had Rhodey and Scott not hogged the quinjet. None of you minded though. With the four of you together, it was very much like a quiet night in with close friends. Unbeknown to you, it wasn't going to be particularly quiet much longer.
"Does it smell funny to anybody else here?" Bucky asked, pausing midway while rocking his chair. Squinting his eyes, he glanced around himself to locate the source of the smell, a deep frown etched onto his features.
Steve took a tentative whiff, you and Sam doing the same. "No pal, I don't smell anything."
"It's…" Bucky closed his eyes, taking in deep inhales. "It's faint but it's there. I'm sure of it."
You and Sam glanced at each other, a raised eyebrow followed by a shrug. Suddenly Bucky sat up with a start, his gaze fixating on a corner of the room. Following his line of sight, you found the hard black stacked containers with the Shield logo which held the Hydra files and devices you had retrieved from the base earlier in the mission.
"It's coming from there, I think." Bucky stood up and reached the stacked containers in only a few long strides. Before any of you could stop him, he lifted the cover to inspect its contents.
Immediately a puff of bright yellow powder-like substance was released from the inside, as if a smoke bomb had been triggered. Bucky coughed as the coloured dust hit his senses. It didn't take long for the particles to dissipate in the air. Soon the clean air around you was shrouded with the yellow dust, leaving all of you a coughing mess.
"What is it?" You wondered, one hand waving in front of your face to get rid of the dust while the other protectively covered your nose. It was no use though. It was everywhere, the particles so fine they slithered through the gaps between your fingers. You could do nothing but inhale it as you coughed helplessly. The particles stuck to the insides of your mouth. You couldn't feel them on your tongue or the roof of your mouth, but the dryness that followed was a sure shot indication. The tangy scent of it overwhelmed your senses, making you wonder how could you have missed it.
"Look inside the container, Bucky. See what released it." Sam instructed with broken words in between the coughs.
"Fucking Hydra," Steve muttered under his breath.
Following Sam's orders, Bucky peeked inside and pulled out a wooden cube. It was small enough to be grasped in his palm. One of its faces had the ugly red symbol of Hydra painted on it. The cube was heavily cracked along the sides. Had Bucky not held onto it firmly, it would have fallen apart right then.
Sam, you and Steve drifted closer to Bucky as the yellow dust gradually dissipated into nothing - or rather as the most of it was already inhaled by you all. The cube appeared to hold some carvings in a language you supposed was Russian.
"I...don't...understand…" Bucky's fingers drifted across the letters as he tried to make sense of it. "Fuck!" With widened eyes, Bucky retraced the words, confirming what he had read. Throwing the cube across the room, he started pacing the room, his head hidden behind his palms.
"Come on, man, you're scaring me." Steve said, approaching his friend.
"You should be!" Bucky yelled, all his frustrations coming out on the wrong person. He loudly groaned, rubbing his forehead, "I'm sorry. It's just that…"
"What is it, Bucky?" You asked.
Bucky looked at you, his gaze sweeping over your form. He bit his lip, an almost remorseful look coming over in his eyes. In a much softer voice, he said, "I don't know how to explain it. I don't know where to start."
"Do you know what the yellow dust we all inhaled was?" Sam asked.
Bucky replied after a long pause. "It was a sort of pollen which Hydra had engineered."
"Hydra modified...pollen?" You asked. The idea sounded as bizarre to you as snow in the Sahara. "What?"
"No- Well, um, yes," Bucky took a deep breath before he started explaining. "Hydra could never replicate the super soldier serum they used on me. But they needed more super soldiers. It hardly ever happened that anybody else would succeed in recreating those serums so that Hydra could steal. They decided that if they couldn't transform using the serums, they would...breed super soldiers. That's when Project Growth started. These pollen were engineered to assist in it."
"How did the pollen assist Project Growth?" You asked, confusion dripping from your voice.
Bucky glanced at you but quickly diverted his gaze, unable to keep the eye contact. "Project Growth was about using super soldiers like me and those four others to... impregnate willing women. Conception with super soldiers is harder than usual for some reason. So they came up with this pollen to aid the process. It's an aphrodisiac. They called it sex pollen, because well, it increases one's sexl drive... by a lot. So much so that it might be fatal if the person exposed to it doesn't, you know, climax."
"What? Are we gonna want to fuck like rabbits then? Become Hydra's breeding bitches?" Sam asked, crossing his arms in front of him.
"The experiments were never successful. They did it a couple of times and it never resulted in a pregnancy. This box," Bucky gestured to the broken cube lying on the floor, "I don't know how or when but it got activated somehow." He shrugged helplessly. "I have no idea if the pollen inside it was a sample of those failed experiments or if that of a new one. Either way, we don't have long before the effects would start showing."
There was a lull in the room, the implications of what Bucky said sitting heavy on everyone's minds.
"We can keep ourselves locked in our separate rooms until it wears off to...get ourselves off." Steve's cheeks were tinged a deep shade of red as he proposed the idea.
"It's not that easy. Trust me, I've been through it." Bucky looked at Steve. "It's something about needing another person's touch; a sense of intimacy. No matter what you do on your own, it won't ever be enough. It would send you in a daze of lust, where the only thing you could focus on would be to anyhow satiate yourselves. You would desperately want another person to touch you, no matter who or what gender. You'd need them to touch you." He glanced at each one of you. "I'm sorry, but it's going to be nasty."
"So what you're saying is, it's basically fuck or die?" Sam said.
"When you put it that way…" Bucky tried to think of a better phrase but finding none, he replied, "-Well, yes."
"I don't know what to say," You crossed your hands in front of your chest. To say that you were shocked was a massive understatement. You couldn't even begin to believe that any of it was true.
Unconsciously, your gaze drifted over each of the men in the room. They all stood with a hard look on their handsome faces, lost deep in thought. You weren't sure if it was you or the pollen due to which you felt yourself get wet, your panties gradually dampening and sticking to your form.
Truth be told, you had always wondered what being with these men would feel like, what fucking them would be like. Would Sam choke you in a sensual manner with those bulging arms of his? Would Bucky keep you pinned to the bed with his thick thighs? What would gripping America's Ass feel like when Steve would be pumping his length into you?
You bit your lip, your mind conjuring up a train of lewd images. You wondered if it all would come true that night. Though you had considered them insanely attractive since the day you had met them, you never dared to act upon any of your desires with either of them. They were your close friends, and you'd be damned if you'd destroy it for a night of pleasure.
Now though, you had no other option but to fuck them if you valued your life. On any other day you would have laughed boisterously had anyone suggested such a thing, but it was your reality right then.
You realized it didn't have to be a necessarily bad thing though
Huffing dramatically, you stood straighter, hands falling by your sides. With a newfound confidence, you asked, "Well then, what are we waiting for?"
"What?" Steve asked, dumbfounded.
"At one point or the other, we would eventually go crawling to someone. I don't think we'd be in control of ourselves if it would make us that desperate. Avoiding the inevitable makes no sense. It's better to start it while we are still able to make conscious decisions and consent to being with each other. At least I'd prefer that."
The men looked at each other, a silent conversation happening amongst them. Bucky asked, "Are you sure, Y/N?"
You smiled. "I am, Bucky. If it's gonna be this way, then I'm glad it's the three of you. Are you guys sure though?"
Bucky glanced at Sam and Steve before smirking, "You bet we are, babydoll."
You walked closer to Bucky, standing on the tip of your toes as your arms curved around his neck, excitement thrumming through your veins. "Let's get this show started then."
Chapter 2
Blog’s Main Masterlist || Tag lists
I’m taking requests if you want a particular kink to be featured. Send me an ask or text me for the same or to be tagged.
Thank you for reading!
#bucky barnes x reader#steve rogers x reader#sam wilson x reader#bucky x reader#bucky barnes#bucky#steve rogers#sam wilson#bucky barnes x you#steve rogers x you#sam wilson x you#bucky barnes x y/n#steve rogers x y/n#sam wilson x y/n#sex pollen
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hi! wanted to tell you that i absolutely love your writing skills, it’s so different from the others that i've read and it makes me feel so warm inside. keep up the good work! i'm really looking forward to seeing more
if you don’t mind, i'd like to request for a poly nagito x sweetheart reader x kokichi where they’re still in the crushing/pining stage and being confused about their sexuality. thank you, have a good day/night!💙
Phew! I finally did it! My fingers kinda hurt from typing all this haha! But I loved the request a lot! I played around with the concept you gave me as well, so it’s a story that branches out into multiple styles of writing. I do have to warn you though, goodness is this one long! But I hope you enjoy it all in the same! <3
I’m so sleepy lol
quick trigger warning beware! : There is a scene in this where a character goes through mental hysteria that contains some panic attack like symptoms. If you are sensitive to that writing, please, skip the the fluffy scene that if used for comfort right after :) (Or just don’t read it at all, don’t worry! Harmoni understands!)
Nagito Komaeda x Sweetheart Reader x Kokichi Ouma! Pt. 1
Also can we just talk about this gif? It makes me so happy...This artist is so good too like WHOA! Check them out!
“No…“
“1, 2, 3, 4-“
“NO-“
“5, 6, 7, 8!” Nagito finished, moving the silver, dog-shaped play piece across the board in rhythmic taps.
“NOOOO! BOARDWALK, NAGITO?! FUCKING BOARDWALK?!” Kokichi shrieked in a fit of rage, slamming his Panta drink onto the table, while standing up and causing an absolute fit.
Nagito was chuckling at the enraged boy, who was now standing on the kitchen counters, stomping in pure fury. Kokichi was a huge brat. A clingy, competitive, always-begging-for-something, whole-hearted brat. Though, Nagito would have to admit that he could never stay mad at Kokichi, in fact, he would have to say that he barely gets mad at him. Ever. He reminded the white-haired boy of a playful puppy, bounding and bucking happily when getting what it wants. It made Nagito’s heart melt, evaporate, then simply melt again, even when he was a cursing mess stomping on the granite countertops, getting scratches all over it.
“Woah! Nagi, that’s amazing! You got Boardwalk really early in the game, that’s so cool!” You smiled, while also laughing at Kokichi’s ferocious cursing as ambiance. Your smile drove Nagito’s attention away from the angered boy, and his heart went through overdrive once he saw your sweet smile, radiating so much contagious joy. It’s almost as if he was on a roller coaster that contained a different track each and every time he rode it. One minute, his heart would be doing loops, and the next, it excitedly go up again.
. . .
Now, this is where the problem begins. Well, the one of three problems that plague the three individuals all playing a simple game of Monopoly on a Sunday night. This is Nagito’s problem: Whenever he has an effect on Kokichi, making him oh-so-lovable in his eyes, his heart swells and fills his chest to the brim. Oh, was this feeling that was so incredibly foreign to him feel so wonderful when it dawned upon him for the first time.
Nagito could always draw the memory back within his vision in surreal detail. Kokichi and Nagito were loitering in the hallways of Hope’s peak, with the shorter purple-haired boy dragging the pale, frizzy haired boy by the hand to apparently “Conjure up the biggest most awesome-est prank Hope’s Peak has every witnesses since built into existence”. Honestly, how could Nagito say no to something that holds so much potential hope and despair, all contained in one big gift-wrapped surprise of a prank on the whole school?
After planning for a few hours, Kokichi seemed to have a fuse broken in his brain due to thinking about a truly fool-proof plan. The somewhat drowsy prankster reached into his schoolbag and pulled out two twin bottles of grape Panta, sliding one over to an unsuspecting Nagito. The purple plastic bottle bonked into Nagito’s forearm, knocking the bottle down from the force.
“Nehehe, I guess you really are the Ultimate Lucky student, huh? It just so happens I packed an extra today, Shamrock! Make it up to me sometime soon, okaaaaay?” Kokichi giggled, teasing the lanky, somewhat socially-awkward Nagito who was sitting across from him on a desk within a totally abandoned classroom. Nagito thanked the other, though, Kokichi really couldn’t respond due to being in the middle of chugging his favorite carbonated drink.
Nagito turn to his own bottle. He wasn’t the biggest fan of old-fashioned artificial grape flavored things, but it wasn’t the worst. Plus, it would be quite rude to refuse a drink from a friend, right? So the white haired boy simply picked up the bottle, and twisted the cap off, as per usual etiquette of opening a soda bottle.
Splash
It didn’t take too long until Nagito knew what was going on. The drink had exploded everywhere. The bottle of soda was basically empty by the end of the grape-geyser showcase, and poor Nagito was left drenched in purple, sticky, sugary liquid. The drink already was starting to dry into a thin, sweet crust on his skin, making the boy on a whole other level of uncomfortable. Though, it was kind of expected that Kokichi would be absolutely laughing his butt off in the moment, sounding like some sort of hysteric hyena mixed with a duckling quacking at some breadcrumbs. It was a laughable sight, no doubt, Nagito literally looked like the embodiment of a sad, wet dog.
But then Kokichi settled down after a bit, controlling his breathing from the pathetic sight. After doing so, he got up out of his seat, and knelt down to scrummage through his bag, revealing a regular branded water bottle. He then made his way over to Nagito, and without hesitation, sat himself on his soda-soaked lap.
“Aww, really going for that kicked puppy look, are you now? Well, since I’ve had all my laughing fun from this, I guess it’s only natural that I help you out, hm? Or would you rather just stay just like this? Oh, now, I wouldn’t mind it if we did…though it seems your eyes beg to differ…well in that case, let’s clean you up, shall we?” Kokichi hummed, teasing the ever living daylights out of the wet and miserable boy.
Kokichi then did something that made Nagito’s heart pound harder than it ever had before. The teasing boy reached behind his neck, untying his beloved checkered bandana. He then carefully opened the water bottle, and poured the contents onto the fabric. Once ensuring it was thoroughly soaked, Kokichi started to wash off as much of the stickiness he could. to Ruffling Nagito’s hair, from gently washing his pale cheeks, which were now sprinkled with specks of rose, and finally gliding the cloth along Nagito’s clothes and hands.
A few things in Nagito’s mind had clicked into place after Kokichi had handled him with the care equal to that of a lover. Well, ironically, Nagito had caught feelings for his tiny little prankster brat of a friend. Was it a huge surprise? Not really, based on the track that Nagito was on.
Another piece of the puzzle had snapped: Kokichi was a a guy. That was something really to think about. Never had Nagito found men attractive, but…
Finally, the last, and most worrying puzzle piece out of them all: Kokichi wasn’t the only one he has fell for. His heart has become torn in that moment, with every day becoming more of a wrestling match to the death rather than a silly tug-of-war between feelings. The other side of his heart was unsure, and fell for another person that had lifted him up through his lowest lows, supporting him like a much needed pair of crutches when having a sprained ankle.
And that person, was you.
. . .
“Ok ok ok ok ok! Listen here you little damn shamrock you!” Kokichi huffed, now sitting back on the ground, leg crossed, “You and I both know that I have Park Place, right? Right! Now, my dear little clover, I want to make a deal with you, if you will?” Kokichi smirked with evil intent clear within his irises.
“Ooo! Deals! Nagi, I think you should listen to Kichi, making profitable partnerships is pretty much his specialty.” You giggled, basically becoming Kokichi’s personal little advocate. He let out a quick “Yeah, what she said!”, causing Nagito to laugh and nod, gesturing for an explanation of the deal.
“Well, personally, my little clover, I feel like we should team up, you know? We could completely dominate over sweet our little gumdrop over there, making them drop to their knees in submission to us. You know, I have a feeling you and I both would enjoy it...” Kokichi shuffled a little closer to the platinum blonde, voice dropping, “We could rule them over together, as equals, or even make them surrender if they ever have the chance-“
“Sure! Though, you should probably get out of jail first.” Nagito chuckled, making the other boy grumble.
“OH YOU-“
“Heeeeey! I wanna join in too! It sounds like you guys are having fun and stuff, while I’m all alone…” You puffed out your cheeks, sadness dripping in your voice.
Both of the boys shot up to look at your somewhat downcast features, and oh, how it wreaked their hearts in one fell swoop.
Kokichi automatically shot up from his position, puffing out his chest in preparation for a new speech.
“O-ok! New deal! We ALL join evil forces TOGETHER, and absolutely destroy the game with all of our property, while reaping in the greedy rewards of the capitalist regime!” Kokichi loudly proclaimed, chuckling at the end of his new deal.
You gasped, “Deal! Deal! Taking over a money-based board game with my two favorite people ever will always be a yes for me!” You laughed, smiling at the thought of the three of you taking over Hollywood streets with a pose of limos, while using bags stuffed with pure cash as weapons made it ten times funnier.
Kokichi smiled, resting his hands behind his head, “Yeah! Let’s end it here and just say that we kicked so much millionaire ass that we now have control over the whole economy!”
. . .
This is the second problem, Kokichi is so undeniably confused. About what? About himself. He was sure as all hell about how he felt about you, he always went soft and squishy for you, and not to mention he would be extra clingy when it had to do with you. Headpats? Common, and always appreciated. Cuddles? Been there, done that with you.
But, then there was Nagito. Kokichi would never say this out loud, but he thought that Nagito was so…pretty. And god, Kokichi was a huge sucker for pretty people. Though, once he realized that his feelings didn’t go to just one person, that’s when he started to panic.
He had to take in multiple things at once, trying to accept it all at once, but it was just so incredibly difficult. He has spent the whole entirety of his life to perfect the art of lying, and one thing that he learned constantly manipulated his own mind and thought process, tearing it into metaphorical shreds.
In order to pull out a lie that everyone can believe, you have to lie to yourself, and proclaim your own illusion of your truth.
Did Kokichi want to believe he was immensely attracted to Nagito, who just happened to be a guy? No, he really didn’t. It wasn’t normal.
Did Kokichi want to believe that he had fallen so fucking in love with two of his closest friends? Hell no. In society, you had to pick and choose, it’s one or the god damn other.
Right?
One night, all of these feeling and thoughts rushed into the boy’s conscious all at once, building immense pressure within his head and chest. Was this a nightmare, or-
Suddenly, his throat started to close up on him, making him gasp out in agony, wheezing on the covers of his bed, tears brimming at the corners of his eyes.
Instinct kicked in within the speed of light. Kokichi shakily reached over to his phone, grasping onto it, and quickly set up a group call. Almost immediately, the two people he was panicking over had picked up.
“Hello? Kokichi? Is there anything you need?” A raspy voice rang out. It seems as if Nagito was awoken by the sudden calling.
“Yeah, Kichi? Is there anything wrong?” You softly spoke through the phone. It calmed Kokichi a little just hearing the two of you guy so worried over him.
“I-I know It’s out of the blue-“ Kokichi gasped for air “B-but can you guys please come over?”
And oh boy, did you and Nagito get there in record time.
After just a mere ten minutes, you and Nagito were outside of Kokichi’s bedroom door, and the both of you could hear the desperate hiccups and gasps of your poor friend.
The both of you had no doubts, nor questions. You just wanted the struggling boy to feel safe.
“We’re coming in.” You said, affirming your actions with light knocking on the bedroom door.
When the both of you came face to face with a Kokichi with puffy red eyes, clutching his heaving chest, and thick tears rolling down his face, it felt like the both of you just got shot in the heart, the weight of it sinking down into the stomach, emitting a feeling that could only be described as pure pity. But the two of you automatically got to work.
Sooner rather than later, You and Nagito were cuddling Kokichi from either side, supporting him, as well as being his shield for protecting his small, delicate frame from his own cruel thoughts. You had started to run your fingers through Kokichi’s hair, causing his breaths to become fuller, and not nearly as hitched. Nagito also wanted to contribute in his own way, so he decided to mindlessly draw messy shapes and squiggles into Kokichi’s side, hoping that what he was doing would be of any help.
After only a mere five minutes, Kokichi had passed out from exhaustion, but the two of you kept on doing what you were doing, wanting for the boy in-between you two to have sweet dreams about all of what he desires all night long.
Kokichi has never let go of that memory, and never will for the rest of his life, and it’s a constant reminder on how much he had lied to himself. He actually wanted the truth out of something for once in his life, and that was how long it would be in order for the loves of his life to live without restraint of societal chains. Whenever it was, he would always be ready. Always, with arms as open as the horizon.
. . .
“Why in the world are we watching Big Hero 6 again? Didn’t we watch this, like, a month ago?” Kokichi trudged from the microwave, to the plush couch, bowl of buttered popcorn in hand.
“(Y/N) wanted to watch it, is there a problem?” Nagito tilted his head, holding the remote, about to press play. You were bouncing in anticipation, because this movie was just never a disappointment.
“Hm, well, I GUESS there’s nothing wrong with it….just don’t be surprised when you hear me snoring.” Kokichi huddled up beside you, placing the bowl of popcorn on you lap.
“I deem you the popcorn peacemaker! Your job is to make sure no one’s being a pig.” Kokichi snickered, while you giggled at your new role in life.
“Nagi? You like popcorn, right? Here!” You placed the bowl on his lap, causing him to smile.
“Hey, HEY! NO! That means I have to reach my WHOLE ARM over to to Lucky boy, JUST SO I CAN GET SOME POPCO-“
“Sh sh sh! The movie is starting!” You giggled, shushing the purple haired boy, while you heard a little chuckle from the white haired boy who was next to you.
. . .
The last problem was you. Your heart bubbled up in joy whenever you where around these boys, making your face erupt like a volcano whenever something slightly suggestive is aimed at you when it has to do with either one of them. You liked both of them, a lot, and you gave everything in order for the three of you to flourish in bountiful friendship. Yeah, that’s the problem, it was friendship.
Oh, how desperately you wished that everything could be easy! If life were like an infinite rolling of crashing waves, things would be flawless, predictable even. Unfortunately, life really likes to give you the short end of the stick, and this was honestly one of the shortest sticks someone like you would have never asked for. The loving of two men, both equally, and having an intense desire to treat them as lovers. What would they do as lovers? Where would they go as lovers? The questions and possibilities are endless…
The only time where you felt as if the friendship could’ve resembled anything somewhat romantic, was a summer evening trip to the beach.
The water was the perfect temperature, the ocean was as clear as glass, and the sand didn’t burn the soles of your feet. The boy’s were in their swimming trunks, having their own little fun. Nagito was afraid of getting to deep into the ocean, so you always stayed in the shallow end, trying to capture as many tiny fishes as you could with your bare hands.
Kokichi insisted that him and Nagito bury you in sand, leaving your head poking out of a sandy little cocoon. When the sun started to set, you got some supplies that you brought, and lit the fire that the group planned to create. Everyone gathered around it, cooking hot dogs on sticks, and crafting tasty s’mores that we fed each other.
One could say that that night might be the most casual and platonic friend trip ever, but something was off.
Everyone looked at each other differently that night. When looking into their eyes, it was oddly intimate. It was like all of the stars in the night sky reflected off their eyes conveyed so much...love.
That night, you felt so adored, so cherished and cultivated to the brim of your existence. You felt something, and maybe the other boy’s did too, but that feeling has changed your life.
Thanks to these stupid boys; These stupid boys that you’ve given so much to, you don’t think you could ever love any other.
One you’ve helped get out of a terrible degradation cycle, another you’ve helped to not lie to himself, and not as much to others.
And thanks to your down to earth humility, your heart has been stolen, and it was going to stay taken by those lovely, unique boys who have helped you out of so many ditches, and so many of life’s cracks and dents. God, how could you not fall?
Their lives were precious to you, but you had no idea how they would feel about an actual relationship, so you’ve always been terrified. Petrified and paralyzed to the bone to ever think of what may happen if you were the cause of the fracture of the friendship. You didn’t want to ruin something that has taken so long to build, yet can be torn all down due to a selfish desire.
But, maybe, just maybe, if they went to you first, confessed everything that was bottled up inside, dittoed on how you felt…
Then you might just be the luckiest person to live on this earth, there’s no doubt about that.
#danganronpa#danganronpa fanfiction#danganronpa x reader#danganronpa x y/n#nagito#nagito komaeda#nagito x reader#nagito x y/n#nagito komaeda x reader#kokichi#kokichi oma#kokichi x reader#kokichi x y/n#Kokichi Oma x reader#poly romance#nagito x kokichi#nagito x kokichi x y/n
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"More about his kinks? His rich history of sexual assault and how that messes with him? His hang-ups around physical attraction and emotional attraction? Something else that I’m forgetting to list?" ALL OF THE ABOVE! Seriously, if you wrote an essay on each topic I'd def read it, LOL, I'm so on board 🥳
I’m so sorry for taking forever to answer these. I felt like I wasn’t really giving the topic the due it deserved—I still think I could say more, and say it better, but here’s what I’ve got for now!
TW for talk about general sex stuff and sexual assault.
Section 1: Who is Loki attracted to?
Loki is bi/pan (not a label he would apply to himself, but I’m going to use it as shorthand). This is something he’s known about himself since his early adolescence. He probably was more aware of being attracted to women, just because, you know, heteronormativity. I head canon that queerness wasn’t totally accepted on Asgard when he was young, but there was a wide range of opinion and there were certainly many people that were totally accepting (amongst them, his family). And by the time of the MCU timeline, my hc is that attitudes are largely accepting. So young Loki is aware he’s attracted to men, and he’s willing to pursue that, but he’s still nervous about making it widely known. A lot of that is tied up with not feeling like it’s Asgardian enough, it’s not the kind of masculinity that Asgardians seem to prize.
My personal head canon is that Loki has been attracted to more men than women.
Section 2: When is he attracted to them?
I sometimes think that I sort of head canon Loki as demisexual (again, not a term he’d use). I see Loki’s libido becoming further and further separated from his capacity for emotional intimacy as he gets older. He gets to a point where he almost never feels attracted to someone unless he’s got that emotional connection...but he doesn’t like admitting to an emotional connection. So he’ll be like, ‘Oh, I just think he’s hot, no biggie. He just pops up in my sexual fantasies all the time, exclusively actually, and I regularly get off to the thought of him undressing—but it’s just physical! I don’t actually like him!” Like he’s fully aware that for other people, this is a thing that can be true. But it’s not true for him. In order for him to be really sexually attracted to someone, he has to have that emotional bond. Which again, he’ll deny. It’s a really healthy emotional cycle.
Section 3: Idk if it’s really sexuality but his genderfluidity
So again, I don’t think genderfluid is a term Loki would use to describe himself, and I also don’t think it’s quite the right word to use to describe what he is (just my personal hc, I of course do not have any issue at all with other people using the term to describe him). I definitely have Loki’s shapeshifting as part of his character, though I write him in his male form 95% of the time for a number of reasons, some of them related to canon, some of them more as a personal response to fanon. That’s out of scope for this ask, haha. I write him as identifying as male in his male form and female in her female form.
Section 4: Compartmentalization of sex as separate from emotional intimacy
Loki views sex, and his body, as a commodity. It’s another tool in his arsenal. He sees it as diplomacy, as a way to get what he wants, to save his life, whatever. He can and will use sex as a bargaining chip.
It’s maybe as a result of this, or maybe the other way around, that Loki doesn’t really feel sexual attraction to people unless he’s already got an emotional connection. He’s completely compartmentalized these two aspects of intimacy, to the point where he really fears the emotional intimacy that would lead to him feeling actual sexual attraction. Because he sees sex and sexual attraction as something he can control, it’s the less scary of the two. So sex is preferable to love. With sex, he can be in control (or tell himself he’s in control) of the situation, in the sense that he has consented to it in some way. But love? He didn’t consent to that. He doesn’t want to feel that. He can’t stop himself from feeling it and he can’t control who he feels it for.
Section 5: Sub/Dom?
I covered this in an earlier ask but I might as well talk about it again! My Loki is very very sexually submissive most of the time. Likes being put in his place, controlled, held down, told what to do, etc etc. He can be dominant sometimes, if the mood strikes him, but his preference is to be submissive.
Related to his nervousness around coming out, Loki very much felt like as the prince, as an Asgardian Man, there was like...a right way to have sex. If he was going to have sex with men, he was going to top. Only top. And he was going to be dominant about it. He had to be in charge, even though this really didn’t come naturally to him. So in his early sexual encounters, that’s what he did, even though it wasn’t what he wanted. This led to him having a lot of unsatisfactory sex as a young man, haha.
He also spent a decent portion of his life being ashamed of the kind of things that turn him on, because again, he thinks it’s bad optics for who he is.
Section 6: Kinks
My Loki isn’t Kinky™, he’s actually pretty vanilla. His favorite position is getting it from behind, and his second favorite position is missionary, and if he only did those two things for the rest of his life, he wouldn’t have a problem with it. He does, however, have kinks, and they are: authority and humiliation. This is kind of where the ‘very very’ comes from in ‘very very sexually submissive,’ ha. He likes feeling degraded, he likes being ordered around. Dirty talk is good, and preferably he’s being told about how bad he’s being and how he needs to be punished.
Caveat with this, which leads into my next point: he only really likes it if it’s with someone he loves. Because...
Section 7: Those kinks have fucked him up!
So part of me can’t help but think that the reason I see Loki with an authority kink is because of his daddy issues, haha. He pretty clearly has a deep need to please his father (not sexually, ew), and I think he then ends up being drawn to powerful authority figures. Thanos and the Grandmaster come to mind. I don’t head canon that anything sexual went on with Thanos (though I could be pretty easily persuaded to write some fucked up fic about it happening), but I absolutely head canon that stuff went on with the Grandmaster.
My head canon is that the Grandmaster was trying to get into Loki’s pants pretty much from the moment Loki showed up in front of him—constantly flirting, way too handsy, orgy invitations, parties with drugged drinks, the whole shebang. Loki was able to get away with not actually having sex with him, though, and always holding it out as a possibility in order to stay in the Grandmaster’s good graces. But when Thor and the Hulk fight in the arena, Loki offers sex in exchange for Thor’s life being spared (I have a fic about this, it’s called Lacuna). The sex is...not good for Loki. There’s definitely BDSM involved, and he is not into that. The Grandmaster rapes him. Repeatedly.
And...Loki is into humiliation and authority. So when he’s degraded and humiliated by the Grandmaster, and he gets off, he goes into this shame feedback loop. This is the kind of thing he likes, and if he likes it then there’s nothing wrong with what happened to him, and he put himself in the position anyway, and if he climaxed then it wasn’t assault, etc etc. He gets this way about non-sexual situations as well; like he definitely feels he deserved what he got with Thanos, and that he deserved to die on Svartalfheim because he feels responsible for Frigga’s death. He has this way of pushing blame off himself and never taking responsibility for his actions...until he does, and then he blames himself for everything.
Section 8: Yes I head canon Loki has a rich history of sexual assault
Oof, guys, Loki has been assaulted so many times in my head canon. His first experience was as an adolescent, where he almost gets gang-raped by two security guards. There were definitely other dubious to nonconsensual experiences in pre-Thor 1 times.
There are some traumatic times after his Fall:
He does some time at the Kiln, and he allows a prison guard to pretty much do whatever he wants to Loki. Loki uses this to escape.
Eventually, Loki ends up getting captured and sold into slavery. He ends up in a sex trafficking market, where he’s raped repeatedly, including gang-raped. He’s heavily drugged during this time to keep him from escaping but still has some memories of it. This is where the Black Order picks him up. They repeatedly remind him that they ‘saved’ him.
Then, of course, there’s the aforementioned stuff with the Grandmaster.
Section 9: Not that he'll ever call it that
Oh yeah but Loki will never in a million years call any of this ‘rape.’ In almost every assault, he’ll tell himself that he actually never said no, so actually, he was in control. He could have stopped it, but he just didn’t, because of Reasons. So it’s not rape. He had it under control. He did. Seriously. There’s no trauma.
He just tries not to think about the time in the sex trafficking market because he can’t really contort that into anything but what it was. If he has to think about it, usually he figures he deserved it.
I mentioned this in an ask recently, where I think one of Loki’s deepest fears is losing control. I think he really fears losing control over a situation, but his biggest fear is losing control over himself. In my hc, Loki really feels as though his grasp on his sense of self is tenuous at best; that he isn’t in control of his own mind (hello, Mind Stone, you didn’t help); that he might just do something that he didn’t plan or want to do. You know that feeling you get where you look at a window and think, What if I just jumped out? Loki really, really fears that feeling, because he’s not sure he can stop himself from actually following through. And stripping him of his bodily autonomy with sexual assault is just another way to fuck him up. Having him deny what it is because he’s so terrified of losing control adds a delicious layer of toxicity to the whole brew.
Section 10: But I still think he's capable of finding The One and having a great sex life and an unbreakable emotional bond
Having said that! Loki’s sexual trauma doesn’t actually hamper his ability to have sex. It does hamper his ability to fall in love, because falling in love is another form of losing control. I think that he could definitely get triggered by certain sexual things, but of course, I write him with Stephen, who is basically the kindest, most considerate lover ever, haha. I talked in another ask about how Loki’s humiliation and authority kinks, coupled with his lack of communication skills, lead him to expect Stephen to be a mindreader, and to just kind of...do the stuff that Loki wants him to do. But of course, Stephen isn’t going to do something that could actually cause Loki physical pain without being explicitly told to do so and receiving Loki’s enthusiastic consent. But Loki doesn’t want to communicate! Loki thinks it’s hot to just get ravaged.
My fic is about a lot of this stuff, not necessarily explicitly the sexual stuff, but a lot of the issues that are bound up with it—the control issues, the attraction to authority figures, the difficulty forming emotional bonds. Through the course of my main series, Loki is really picking away at getting better about all of this, and the endgame, of course, is that he’s able to accept being loved, and loving in return.
I feel like I didn’t articulate any of this as well as I wanted to, but I didn’t want to let this ask sit in my inbox forever, and I’ve been picking away at this now for like two weeks. So, I hope that was a satisfying essay! I could probably go on tbh, but I’ll leave it at this.
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The Gateshead Engine
If you bought the itch.io game bundle for racial justice and inequality a month ago, one of the games it contains is a single-player ttrpg called The Gateshead Engine by Adam Roy (Follow the link to buy and play yourself!)
The basis of the game is simple: It is Victorian England, and you have been commissioned to built a steampunk mech. You flip cards from a tarot deck to give you situations for your diary entries, and you can finish...basically whenever you want.
I enjoyed it greatly, and wanted to publicly share my game. Content warning for a bit of body horror and minor surgical stuff at the end? It’s not like, explicit though. Anyway, I haven’t stretched my horror muscles in a while, and I love how this game started vs where it ended. Hope y’all enjoy!
Starting Questions:
—Who are you, and why did you agree to build the Engine?
I am Loreley Weisel, German thermodynamicist on the brink of bankruptcy. Europe is corrupt, and my will careens towards destruction.
—Who is your patron, and what, if anything, do you know about them? Why did they tell you they wanted the Engine?
My patron is an English aristocrat, Thomas Boroughshire III. All I know is that he has deep pockets and a fascination for thermophysics. He wants my Engine as a mechanical marvel, a party trick for a boy with too many years behind him.
—What is your community like? What do they value and what do they fear?
The community is wealthy. Large estates line a well-kept road. Dogs are bred. Horses are shoed. Foxes are hunted. Gardens beg for release from their clipped restraints. The air itself is made of brick. They value stability, power (or the projection of it), and greed.
—What will the Engine do when it’s completed, and what will it change? (This may shift during play; for now, decide what you think the answer is when you agree to build the Engine.)
My Engine is a herald of death. The aristocracy will be beaten into submission, and England will follow France in the march towards the guillotine.
My Engine:
Diary:
Monday, April 26, 1880—
I do not belong here, in this kingdom, in this estate, in this…garage. Hope’s Paradise is far from the largest house in this community, and His Highness can barely provide enough space for me to work. He does not respect me, nor does his staff. Dinners will be cold on nights I work late. There will be no hot water when I go to draw a bath. They do not want me here.
Fitting enough; I do not wish to dwell here any longer than I have to.
The neighbors are no better. Squire Duncannon of Blah Blah Blah invites me to speak German whenever he harasses me with what he calls conversation, but refuses to use the tongue himself. His wife has never uttered a word beyond her scowl. When I pass by Covington Place, the children stop and watch, twittering among themselves. I wonder what the Duke and Duchess have told them about me. I would not know, for I have never been allowed inside their gates.
England will burn, and this wretched grove of greed will be the tinder.
Wednesday, April 28, 1880—
That godforsaken child has entered my workshop again. Grease smeared all across the floor. Handprints of coal dust cover every box and bench. Every fire hazard should come at the cost of a finger. The little brat will have nubs by week’s end.
Friday, April 30, 1880—
Saturday, May 1
A song. Melancholic, but strong. Thunderous, but ephemeral.
How many hours have slipped by tonight? Dream grips my mind like a starving urchin with hardtack. Maybe these gears and pipes are singing me a lullaby.
Oh for heaven’s sake it’s half two. To sleep with me.
Tuesday, May 4, 1880—
Fucking Third of Family horseshit-brained fool. Every thief with deep pockets thinks themselves a scientist just because they bought opium from one once. I know how to build my Engine. Fuck off with this talk about gas compression. My math is sound, and changing one element means redesigning the entire boiler system.
His Highness has been placated with some minor aesthetic downgrades that better cater to his asinine tastes. For now.
Wednesday, May 5, 1880—
Fucking Third of Family horseshit-brained fool. If it weren’t for the coal dust handprints, I’d think he was the child ransacking my workshop with relentless fervor. Instead, he has simply decided to rearrange my supplies to the garage entrance. My ankle will heal in a few days, but I cannot work on my Engine until it mends. Time is money, and he has more money than I have time.
Sunday, May 9, 1880—
The ankle works.
Monday, May 10, 1880—
His Highness invited his dearest, most important friends to dine in his atrociously cultivated garden. The Wells boy snuck off and found me in my workshop. I have never met another child like him. His curiosity is insatiable, and he knows more about thermodynamics than most learned men I’ve met.
He asked me a question I could not answer: “If this machine is meant for war, how can you fight a navy with it?”
I suppose this will be a larger problem when the revolution hatches from England and threatens the mainland. For now, I must keep focused on this single-minded task. If we make it that far, I will find an answer.
…Perhaps I am naïve and misguided.
Wednesday, May 12, 1880—
The entire community has decided to roll their porcine asses to the south of France for holiday. Such a shame I contracted a bit of a cough and elected to stay here to recover. The travel would have been much too hard on my delicate frame.
Two weeks of uninterrupted work begins tonight.
Friday, May 14, 1880—
For. Fuck’s. Sake.
Her Highness fainted at the pier moments before they were to board a ferry across the Channel. Feared she had come down with the same pestilence I had contracted. Now the entire extended Boroughshire rabble is returning posthaste.
The quiet? Gone. Their need for attention? Only I can sate it. My Engine? Still incomplete, and will be for some time.
If I drown myself in enough whiskey, the mystery of my death should keep their tiny minds occupied for at least a week.
I intend to refill my lamps and work as long as I can tonight. May their arrival home tomorrow wake me at noon for all I care.
Saturday, May 15, 1880—
I was awoken at nine in the morning. Forty minutes of unrestful rest.
Tuesday, May 17 18, 1880—
Knocked the fucking lamp looking for my pen. Lucky I didn’t burn this entire estate to ash.
…Perhaps unlucky.
He even haunts my dreams, touching my Engine and reducing it to rust at the moment that should have been my victory. What Hell of idiocy have I gotten myself into? Fucking aristocrats standing in the way of their own downfall by sheer incompetence. Back to sleep with me.
Tuesday, May 18, 1880 (again)—
I’ve read a number of fascinating papers that I received in the mail today. While I admit I know little of the burgeoning field of electrical engineering, the work being done in the States is fascinating. I intend to take a short trip into London to seek more research (And get a right stein of beer; this house and its occupants are worthless.)
Friday, May 21, 1880 (London)—
I have been granted access to ~~Royal~~ archives. Despite my distaste for locking knowledge away from the public, I am nonetheless grateful for this opportunity. All the kingdom’s brightest minds (what few there are) have recorded years of research on every possible thread of science.
Galvanic principles are fascinating to me. To think, all these thousands of years, we have had electricity inside us! Thoughts percolate, but I do not yet know to what end.
I shall return to the cursed Golden Land in the countryside tomorrow. Between my notes and a few papers, I have been allowed to abscond with, I am reinvigorated with hope for my work.
Saturday, May 22, 1880—
I should extricate and boil every last one of their tongues!
The entire community’s patriarchs were waiting in the living room of Hope’s Paradise (Clearly not my hope.) Word got out of my project, and every cock-waggling primitive decided that this was a matter that required ending their holiday early. While their offspring splash in the Mediterranean, their sagging eyes are now fixed on that fucking garage.
I don’t know who is merely curious, who else feels inadequate enough to lie about their scientific credentials, or who wants to break my Engine merely because I’m a woman. Too many men in my workshop. Had I less restraint, an axe may have been all I needed to solve this annoyance.
Hopefully the dullards bore sooner than later. I may need to beat Mr. Duncannon with a German dictionary regardless.
Tuesday, June 8, 1880—
Between the constant need to shun nosy men from my workshop and the actual work itself, I have not had the constitution to keep my diary.
But today…ah, today! The control platform appears to be totally functional! I have toiled too long to have failure spring from my fingertips. Rotational velocities are stable, cranks and gears are greased and mobile, the Gatling guns are…gatling.
For the first time since I began my work here, I feel like I have accomplished something great. The aristocracy’s days are numbered.
Monday, June 14, 1880—
Work continues to sap my focus. Boiler…not cooperating. I fear I will lose all the work I’ve done on it due to some unforeseen flaw. A redesign at this stage would be costly, but so would continuing with a faulty boiler. Either way, I’m taking tomorrow off from work to clear my head.
Thursday, June 17, 1880—
Time off has proved productive. I finally finished reading the documents on loan from the ~~Royal~~ archives, and there is a fascinating bit of research by a man by the name of Frankenstein. His work on galvanic sciences from earlier this century are far beyond anything I’ve found from English archives in the last decade. This even only seems to be his initial work; perhaps I can track down his true masterpieces of intellect. Maybe I don’t even need to redesign a boiler…
One blight on my day over lunch: that coal-handed bastard child has returned. I think it’s Constance.
Wednesday, Jun 23, 1880—
The Andersons down the way lost one of their bitches last night. She was a beautiful hound, but her memory will live on in my diary. I wanted some hands-on experience with Frankenstein’s work, so I was able to procure the corpse for a small fee (to His Highness who is paying my bills).
Wondrous! Such are the things I learned. A body, made of muscle, controlled by electricity. I suspect I may need to seek out an anatomist or some other scholar of the biological sciences to continue this research.
My mind is alight with so many ideas…
Wednesday, June 30, 1880—
June ends and takes the boiler with it. My Engine shall have a grand new design. Thomas has been placated by promises of surprise. “The most groundbreaking work in thermodynamics!” I lied. His is a mind easily led astray by spectacle.
Sunday, July 4, 1880—
Constable came round today. Mr. Duncannon hasn’t been seen in three days. He left for an important business meeting in Paris, but missed his boat. Coach is missing too. It’s all very curious. I did everything I could to keep that sniveling pig out of my workshop. Given the way his nose recoiled into his skull, it seems the stench of grease and ozone was enough.
In more academic news, I received notice that more of Victor Frankenstein’s research papers are being released from an archive in Switzerland. I should have them by week’s end. My excitement radiates like the sun.
Friday, July 9, 1880—
Wolfgang. Heinrich. Fuchs.
At my forsaken door. With my forsaken research papers.
How the fuck did he find out I was working on galvanism? Who is he still connected to? Which one of my friends betrayed me (besides him)?
He was in this fucking house asking me fucking questions about my fucking work. Fuck him. He better not stick around. After what he took from me…fuck.
Tuesday, July 13, 1880—
Chaos reigns.
Wolfgang has shacked up with the Andersons. He swings by almost daily. When I’m not actually busy, I try to look it.
Constance has gotten her hands into the coal again (I haven’t disposed of it for appearance’s sake.)
The Duncannons are planning a funeral for…whatever his name was. I don’t think I ever bothered to remember anything about him other than when he would finally leave this hellish corner of England.
Thomas has been migrating in and out of Hope’s Paradise. Something about a trade deal in India. It sounds very important for a man who makes riches off the backs of foreigners.
I could use a big stein at a small biergarten.
Sunday, July 18, 1880—
Widow Duncannon speaks! Her first words spoken to me in the months I’ve resided her are accusations that I have something to do with the death of her husband and his driver. Utter nonsense. The police found the driver at the bottom of a pint in a pub last week. The way gossip echoes around these families, however, I won’t be surprised if they begin to turn on me.
My work must accelerate.
Thursday, July 22nd, 1880—
Widow Duncannon, Duchess Byron. Mrs. Boroughshire. All the Andersons. None of them will speak to me. They glare if they see me, so I try to keep to my room and my workshop as much as possible. I’m lucky Her Highness is so subservient to Thomas. This house would be unbearable if she had any willpower over it.
Tuesday, July 27, 1880—
Celebrations are in order! I have poured over work by Golgi, Frankenstein, and Schwann. Every guide I could find on electrical engineering. Trial after trial, failure after failure. And yet…
And yet.
It’s not that I have hope my Engine will work, it’s that I have knowledge that it will. My designs are so clear to me. My protypes are all working as planned. The path to revolution has been laid out before me. Now it is up to me to walk it.
Tomorrow is the beginning of the end.
Wednesday, July 28, 1880—
Coal hands. Inside my workshop. Inside. My. Workshop. And this time, ha! This time, I have a culprit.
I made it very clear to Constance that she will not be loitering in my laboratory anymore.
Saturday, August 7, 1880—
What have I become?
Why did I begin building my Engine? Something about a war? Who can say. Time marchers onward. My Engine will march with time. Every experiment has made it clearer to me that I have stumbled upon the greatest discovery of this era.
No one celebrates with me. Not Thomas. Not Her Highness. Not Constance, nor the boys, Timothy and Franklin. Even Wolfgang is silent (at last).
The neighbors have stopped visiting. I wave when I pass them by, but they just sneer and hurry past. Finally, I can work in peace and silence. Finally my genius can become reality. Finally all of Europe will know what Loreley Weisel is capable of.
I have become the herald of great change, a conduit of the very building blocks of existence.
Tuesday, August 10, 1880—
A toast to the Duke and Duchess! May their patronage live forever in my greatest work! Soon I hope to bring the Andersons into this project as well.
Wednesday, August 18, 1880—
The Engine lives! The support of this community has been invaluable as the final construction has occurred. Everyone has poured their hearts into my work, and it’s truly a masterpiece that could not have been built alone.
My galvanic calibrations have been finalized. My circuits have been tested. It is nearing time for me to put all of myself into my work. I will see success.
Saturday, August 21, 1880—
The loneliness is getting to me. Not even the dogs bark anymore. I talk to my Engine, but its flesh is silent.
Monday, August 23, 1880—
The constable returned. With six policemen. He had questions about His Highness and the Duke and Duchess and Widow Duncannon. I told him the truth: I could help him find them.
I cooperated.
I have a surplus.
Wednesday, August 25, 1880—
Why shouldn’t I? It worked for them. Shouldn’t it work for me? All the principles are the same. They’re muscle. I’m muscle. They’re electric. I’m electric. Why shouldn’t I be in control?
Thursday, August 26, 1880—
Wolfgang, that bastard! He said he knew everything that I had been up to. That is outrageous! He knows nothing!
I have destroyed my room in rage. Fucking Fuchs! What does he think he knows? Who has he told? I should have killed him. Why didn’t I kill him? He doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve my creation. He covets it. He wants it for himself. I know it. He got me kicked out of university, he got me run out of Germany. He is jealous. Jealous! He knows I’m better. He knows I’m smarter. He wants what I have, my Engine, my child. He can’t have it. He can’t. He won’t. Where did he go? Fucking Wolfgang I will fucking kill him. He knows nothing. He’s bluffing. He just wants my success. My genius. He is nothing. He will be nothing. Nothing. Nothing. He nothing. Nothing. nothing nothing nothing noth
Sunday, August 29, 1880—
This will be the final entry to my diary. The morning air is heavy with the musk of summer. It’s strange to me how calm I am given what I am about to do.
My Engine has come so far from its days as a sketch on a piece of parchment. Veins of red pulse behind the metal. Sinew, steel, and lightning working in harmony. Every stitch and every suture as perfect as the one before it. So many died for its creation, and so many more will die when I am finished today.
I expected my hand to shake more as I inked the incision lines across my skin. I expected my mind to be foggier as I tried to remember every nerve that would need work. Even the pain I am about to endure has not shaken my resolve.
I am uncertain what the scientific community will think of my work. Of the sacrifices I made. But I have proven a radical truth: All the money in the world does not stop one from being built from the same parts as another. And that’s all we are: Animals with organs and muscles and electricity surging through us. If machines can harness that energy, why can’t we? If new machines can be invented, why not new humans?
All I can hope for now is that my composure holds through the entire procedure. Once I am integrated into my Engine, I will command a mind and body unseen by man. Unparalleled by any of God’s creation. Magnificent in its genius. My genius.
Today I will change humanity forever.
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lordseochangbin’s jype series smut: music producer
requested: daddy kink
you shoved your face into the pillow, crashing onto the couch as you seemed to fail yet again at making a beat for the new track you were walking on. you dressed well today, a tight black skirt with a black denim skirt that hugs your waist but it didn’t change your mood nor your ability to make music.
honestly speaking you were new to the studio, starting off other producers saw your potential and decided to have you be the main producer for one of jyp’s newest girl groups.
this was an amazing job, considering you had left america to pursue a career and you felt you had zero confidence in actually making it in. but now here you were, having a mental breakdown in the studio after getting two hours of sleep trying to cram in a nice track before the deadline.
it was stressful.
you managed to keep your eyes open in front of the computer screen fiddling with some last minute adjustments before you could here one of jyp’s music directors come in.
considering he didn’t speak proper english and it had only been your second week into your korean class, it was hard to communicate back and forth.
“how is your work?” the director asked confidently.
you turned around in excitement from the english, not sure if you understood correctly due to the accent.
“i haven’t finished it yet, im so sorry. just give me another 2 hours ill get it done!!”
the director glared at you in confusion but by your expression figured what had happened.
“argh!” he exclaimed, “i can’t work with these american producers!”
your eyes started to tear up. this was the downside of being in korea, you always felt left out. of course korea is open to visitors but living here felt like an outsider in a different world and the fact that you had no time to do your korean classes didn’t help much.
as you whipped your tears you felt a tall blonde enter the room, his confidence gleaming almost as if he owned the room. “did you need my help?” he peeked in whispering to the director.
his hair was wet, his shirt damp of sweat from practicing with the rest of his group. it was bang chan, the leader of stray kids. part of the musical group 3racha, whose beats you had always admired.
the director came to chan and whispered a new words into his ear before turning back to you and waving goodbye. “take care...”
chan stood there for a few seconds, then walking about to the couch and sitting down. you turned around to view him from the front of your recording set.
“hi, my names y/n”
“haha, i know. i’ve seen you around! nice to meet you”
“you too!! wow im really sorry to interrupt you during practice i know it’s probably hard to cram in all this stuff an-“
“don’t worry about it. id love to help you” bang chan interrupted, pulling out his laptop.
you sat next to him as he pulled out some tracks, “here let me show you some 3racha tracks that i have.. just the music”
one of the tracks started playing causing your jaw to drop, “dude!! that beat is sick!” you praised.
bang chan’s eyes widened as he tried to pause the song, “wait this track-” you listened attentively, wondering why bang chan wouldnt be proud of it
“chan what’s the problem?” before chan could pause the track you heard the sounds of heavy moans added to the background, causing you to bite your lip
chan shut down the laptop, looking towards you in embarrassment.
“i..i’m sorry about that y/n”
you laughed as his cheeks turned red, “pfft, sorry? that’s exactly why girls are on their knees for you chan. you’re literally the hot shot of stray kids”
chan raised his eyebrows at your response, “you think so?”
“pfft.. don’t get too flattered. that’s everyone else’s opinion”
he placed a hand on your knee, pulling himself closer to you almost inches away from your face. “maybe i could change that”
you placed a finger under his chin, pulling him even closer. “the only thing i need help with...” you pushed him to the side before continuing, “is my music”
“oh come on!” he exclaimed, grabbing your hips making you fall onto his lap.
chan pulled back from hair from your face before staring lustfully into your eyes, “y/n.. i think the first thing you need to do is get rid of that stress.”
you pulled away from his lap, lying on your stomach as you buried yourself into the pillow. you were unconvinced that chan could help you with just that before he gripped his hands onto your shoulders, massaging them gently.
it was a few seconds of heaven as he rolled his palms on your back, “chan.. that feels so good..how did you-”
chan removed his hands, laughing as you turned around. “chan.. why’d you stop?”
“i dont think i can continue to help, you said i wasn’t the hot shot of stray kids” he shrugged, putting his laptop away.
you watched as he stood up, is he being for real?
“no wait chan-” you sighed, rolling your eyes. you approached him slowly, covering the door so he couldn’t leave
“you are.. the most hottest, sexiest, cutest member of stray kids” you continued sarcastically
“i think you forgot talented.” he said
“i think we can leave that out for today” you grabbed his hand, guiding him back to the couch.
“now help me.. pleaseeee” you pleaded.
“honestly speaking, i think you need to find some sort of inspiration”
“what’s yours? sex?” you spurted out
chans jaw clenched, making you stutter a bit. “l-look sorry i tend to be a little-”
“no..” chan interrupted, his voice low. “i get it. you think you’re funny right? flirty? with you skirt so close to your cunt.. i could fuck you over in seconds. i’m gonna tease you everyday until you break”
you laughed, slapping your hand onto his chest. “chan.. or chris. i know i’ve only been here for a few months and you might think of me as inexperienced in music, but i have to confess i am much more experienced in other things.”
you grabbed his hand, placing it under your skirt as he grabbed your thigh. “so if you think you’re ‘turning me on’ right now, or whatever the fuck you think you’re doing chan, try again” you smiled widely before standing up to grab your things and left the room.
perhaps you could say you took chan’s breath away. he had never met a girl as sexy as you. compared to the way you looked when he came to now, it was almost like you had a switch to you. you realized it to, how did his presence bring you such confidence?
chan kept his word. with every interaction he found some way to get his hands on you, some way to keep you distracted, some way to get you riled up. but you contained all of this distress until you got home, determined to make sure he doesn’t get what he wants.
but the dildo didn’t help.
should you give him a shot? you wondered to yourself
the question got you thinking about bang chan all night in bed until you decided to text him.
me: chan.. it’s y/n
bang chan: aw babygirl, feeling needy now?
you read the message smirking as you imagined bang chan at your door. you thought about it, maybe he was as sexy as his fans put him out as.
your reply said nothing of the sort.
me: no, i just needed up with music
bang chan: are you sure it’s just music y/n?
your legs started the grab the comforter, no longer being able to take the heat in between them
me: no.. i
me: i just cant stop thinking about you in between my legs. i want you so bad
bang chan: y/n.. now thats what i like to hear
bang chan: i swear to you one night i wont stop fucking you until your legs are shaking and the neighbors know my name
you gasped at the text, throwing your phone on the floor and grabbing your pillow. your cheeks flushed red at the thought of bang chan, what he was capable of. that night you went to bed thinking about him right next to you, he was even in your dreams. you had fallen in love with bang chan.
~~~
the next day around 8 am when you arrived at the jyp building you walked down the hall full of studios, interrupted by a hand that slammed you hard against the wall.
“missed me?” bang chan asked
you scoffed under your breath, “you wish” you replied before continuing the walk. once you opened the door to the studio you were off the floor and inside the arms of bang chans’.
“this outfit of yours is really nice, for whom? i wonder” you wore a white crop top with a black and red plaid skirt, along with some combat boots to complete a cute school girl look, which obviously turned him on.
“chan..chan the music” you responded, realizing the director might come soon.
“ok i finished editing the track you need to show to the director, he should be here in 30” he said, carefully putting you on the black leather couch. 30 minutes...would that be enough?
the second he sat on the couch you couldn’t hold back anymore. you trapped him against the cushion, thrashing your lips against his, rolling your hips on him, your hands exploring all over bang chan. you wanted it all.
the kiss took him by surprise, his hands picking you up from the bottom of your thighs and lifting you onto his lap.
your core felt like soaring fire at this point, and it being pressed against his cock didn’t help a single bit.
“daddy please.. i need you right now. all i can think about is you. you teased me enough please” you whimpered.
“i’m sorry.. what did you call me?”
“d-daddy. please fuck me” you panted, the feeling of member growing under you was taunting. you couldn’t stand it anymore, and bang chan loved that.
“fuck.. look at my babygirl” he said, his thumb sliding across his cheeks before he could harshly grab your chin. “y/n is so good and submissive.. and its 8 in the morning, i can only imagine how much sleep you lost last night”
he forced two digits to pass your lips, “suck”. his thumb held your face straight, his eyes dark and full of need as you grind on his hips, him jerking into you every once in awhile.
soon he dragged his fingers away from your lips, leaving them to part as he removes his t-shirt and soonly after both of your clothes and thrown onto the hard floor.
“chan.. he’s coming in 25 minutes we’re gonna get caugh-”
chan sealed your worries with a kiss, his fingers playing around your folds as he felt your bare skin against his.
it was weird, you thought, to see him bare naked under you. his member was massive as well, the thought of it inside you leaving you to drool.
chan’s member brushed against your entrance making you grip tighter on his arms. “chan” you pouted, “just fuck me already”
your actions resulting in a few spanking from chan however, “what did you call me babygirl?”
his voice made you whimper, your voice stuttering as you replied, “d-d-daddy... please i need you so bad”
chan smirked, “you’re not such a good girl anymore huh? always in need of daddy’s big cock”
“my daddy is the bestest” you replied innocently, taking chan by surprise when you get on all floors, yourself in between in legs as you lick a strip of his member.
“y/n...” he softly moaned your name, giving you motivation to suck on his dick.
his hands grabbed your hair, pushing you closer to him and fucking your mouth. chan smirked as you looked up to him, the way you made him feel, like he was the most blessed man on this planet.
“you’re so beautiful” he praised as you sucked on his tip, his hips bucking as he fucked you harder. you leaned back this time, your core throbbing on inactivity, your fingers not helping a single bit.
it was about time when you got on top of chan, sinking down on his member slowly. your teeth gnawed onto chan’s neck as you felt your walls being stretched to his size, “you’re so big daddy”
chan sped up his pace with no warning, giving you no time to adjust. your hands gripped onto his shoulders as your heard chan say, “i-i think i’m gonna cum. you sucked me off so well babygirl”
“let’s ride it off together” you said in a shaky voice. seconds later, both of you released on each other before you could hear a few knocks from the door. frantically you jumped from chan’s lap, throwing him his clothes and putting on yours.
“i’m coming!!” you replied.
“that’s what she said” chan replied with a smirk, you sending a deadly glare at him as you forced on your skirt.
“help me with this?” you asked chan, gesturing at your zipper.
“are you wearing no underwear?” your eyes glowed as you shut his mouth, running over to answer the door. you felt relieved almost, despite your job being at stake if the music wasn’t good enough. you opened the door to see the tall man with a suit on.
“how’d she do?” the director asked chan as he walked into the studio.
“y/n.. she was perfect.”
#hotsirracha jype#stray kids bang chan#stray kids chan#stray kids daddy#stray kids smut#bang chan#christopher bang#bang chan smut#kim woojin smut#lee minho smut#hwang hyunjin smut#seo changbin smut#kim seungmin smut#han jisung smut#skz smut#skz dom#skz blurbs#skz hot#stray kids dark hours#stray kids
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December 2019 Writing Update
-looks at last update-
APRIL 2019
oof, sorry. Life got mad into the way and with the semester in which I couldn’t afford to fuck up. Almost everything leisure had to take a bit of a backseat. But I’m good now so I hope I can keep up with this more consistently. No promises since I’ve shaking off nearly 8 months of rust.
Word Count: 912
Notes: This is like super rough and choppy since it’s one of the first things I wrote since my hiatus. It’s from my project my friends and I affectionately call “untitled cultfic”. This was after one of my other updates in which the MC got accidentally drugged and her caretaker finds out who did it.
“Be safe.”
The line went dead afterwards. Alex removed the hood over his head, revealing short black hair. He ran his hand through it as he looked over his notebook. Filled with hasty scribbles all over its lined pages. Notes from his day to day works. Anything that could be used for this investigation. A brisk knock took him out of his thoughts. He put away his notebook before putting the hood back over himself.
“Yes?” he asked while opening the door.
“Your presence is needed.” said one of the followers.
Alex was clearly confused. He wasn’t due to report in for another few hours. The member held no visible indication of the reason for it. Alex gave a brisk nod before following them. It became apparent that they were being led to, if Mikahl’s form wasn’t any indicator. He paused as he stepped foot into the small room.
It was devoid of any decorations, not even a window.
There was only a ceiling light, which bathed the room in a warm glow. Mikahl turned towards Alex, giving him a look. Alex could feel something was different from the young man.
This wasn’t the mild-mannered Mikahl he was used to seeing.
“Oh,” Mikahl roughly spoke, “You’re the Intel guy who kept watch over our lamb.”
A quick peek over Mikahl’s shoulder showed the true intent of his being here. Bound to a chair was one of the members. Their hood was down, revealing a ragged appearance. Their face littered with bruises, with more quickly forming among the swelling skin.
“Lamb?” he asked.
“Yes,” Mikahl answered, “she’s special to us. Mother gave me the authority to personally oversee her journey to salvation. You stayed by her side and stopped this trash from causing her further harm.”
Mikahl placed his boot on the side of the chair before kicking it down, sending the follower crashing.
“I decided to reward you.”
Alex watched as Mikahl pressed down on the follower’s shoulder. Their painful groans amplifying as he pressed harder. Alex stilled at seeing his actions. He noticed the look of satisfaction that Mikahl had on his face at the follower’s pain.
Seemingly welcomed it.
“Tell me what I should do with this trash?”
Alex was silent.
“She told him it wasn’t necessary.” he continued, “But I see it differently.”
Mikahl knelt down to the ground as he stared at the follower. His eyes narrowing at the mere sight of them. He tsked as a gloved hand swiftly went across their face. It didn’t muffle the harsh slap.
“You ruined a first that should have been ours.”
“Master Mikahl, have mercy.” the follower spoke.
The plea was met with a hard blow to the head.
“Trash don’t speak.” he sneered.
Mikahl let out a small sigh. He turned towards Alex. The guarded look in his eyes gave him pause. He supposed it was a shock to see him like this. His more submissive self was what everyone was used to seeing.
“I suppose I should get to the point, she should be waking up soon. Thanks, I hope you don’t have to come to her rescue again. But I would appreciate it if you kept out for our lamb when she’s allowed to roam again.”
“Me, Mikahl?”
“Yeah, She has a future here and I will not let trash jeopardize that.”
Mikahl pulled a container from his pocket. It was filled with a gray fluid. His eyes widened at seeing the follower struggle. He popped the cork off of the container as he swirled it, letting the fluid slosh against the glass.
“This was one of our prototype cleansing catalysts. It was deemed too unstable in our testing. Mother wants the transition to be as painless as possible. Perfect for trash.”
Before the follower could speak, he forced the container in their mouth. The chair shook from their violent shaking. Mikahl kept his grip strong as the thick liquid was slowly consumed. Moments ticked by before the shaking quieted into stillness. He grinned at the glazed look on the follower’s face. He stood up, dusting the dirt off his clothes.
“My lamb should be waking up soon, he has to go to her.”
He started walking, stopping when he was beside Alex. The stiffened posture gave all Mikahl needed to know. An indirect warning if this one were to slip up.
Once Mikahl was out of the room, Alex let out a breath. He went over to the follower and undid their bindings. Not as if the follower even knew he was doing such a thing. Whatever was in that mixture had completely overloaded the person’s senses. Upon closer inspection, the follower was alive, to Alex’s relief.
‘Of course I could have used that catalyst as evidence and it’s all be ingested.’
Despite that, Alex picked up a few possibly important details about the encounter. One, Kailyn was important to their plans for some reason. Two, they couldn’t afford for her to be converted the same way they usually do their followers. Most importantly, only a few people were allowed to be around her.
His nature to help others earning him a bit of a spot.
Alex walked out of the room, notifying a medical team to the follower. Something was moving to happen. The appearance of this girl, Kailyn, was the key in some way.
He needed to put trust that they could figure out what it could be before she’s put into more danger.
#shit writing#writing things#writing update#monthly writing update#december 2019#dec 2019#original writing
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Episode Review - 14x01 - Want, Everything, Sunshine, and Beyonce
Hellatus is over everyone! Put away the crack memes and shit posts and bring out your meta caps because we are back in business! Oh boy are we back in business!
Right before @tinkdw came over to watch the premier with me, we discussed our expectations and both agreed that whilst our expectations were pretty much in our boots, we would consider the episode a success if it was even remotely meta. We wanted to be able to see clearly constructed themes both as a continuation of what had come previously and as a foundation for a strong season going forward. We were both hoping that at least from a meta perspective, that the episode would leave us happy and thirsting for more.
Dabb did not disappoint us.
It was such a strong episode meta-wise. There is a lot to pick apart that is ripe for discussion and I seriously hope that Dabb will keep a close eye on the other writers to ensure that these themes continue throughout the season. Plot-wise it was a weaker episode, but then again Dabb has always focused on the character emotional arcs more than the actual plot points in recent years, and I am grateful for that. The second half of season 13 felt stagnant to me simply because there was little to no character development and from a meta perspective it was also extremely weak. I went into this hellatus feeling negative about the show simply because I hadn’t actually enjoyed an episode properly since 13x12. However, the season 14 opener was most definitely enough to quench my thirst and get me excited for the coming season. Fingers crossed it goes from strength to strength.
Long review under the cut
Michael!Dean - What Do You Want
Straight in after the introductory Nyoooom of Baby (driven by a grim looking Sam and a pretty impressive swap from title music to diegetic music), we are introduced to the angel of the hour.
8 Things about Michael:
1. I am not sure how I feel about Jensen’s performance right now. He is playing Michael extremely straight and whilst I can see how this cold, calm portrayal can come across quite terrifying, it’s not a carry over from Christian Key’s performance. I don’t want to be too critical, because we only saw him in a few scenes so far, but when I compare it to how Tahmoh portrayed Gadreel alongside Jared, and the way Misha pretty much nailed Mark P’s performance (and greatly improved it), I guess I’m still waiting for Jensen to WOW me in the role. The one thing I will say is that he did terrify me and managed to come across creepy when acting alongside his own WIFE. So he's doing something right I'll give him that. When Jensen wants to have chemistry with someone, he does.
2. I like the fact that Michael’s goal right now seems to be to educate himself on our world. He’s not running around causing terror and mayhem like Lucifer, he’s learning how best to go about “improving” the world. He also appears to be inspiring people with his words: “Holy men, leaders, killers” and we have seen the effect he had already on Kip the Demon - who was inspired to run for King of Hell until Sam Fucking Winchester ruined that plan. I wonder if we will be seeing the fallout of Michael’s specific type of inspiration throughout the season.
3. “What do you want?” Obviously this question is an important one. It was repeated like six times throughout the episode, though never to the main characters. It looks like this is going to be the theme of the season and as far as TFW’s personal journey’s go, this is now the question we are asking them and the question being explored. What does Sam want? Or Cas? Or Dean? This has an endgame flavour to it that has me extremely excited.
4.Michael’s own personal want of “A better world” is a follow on in a way of many of the villains that have come before him. For seasons now we have been exploring this concept of improving the world for the better. We had it first in season 8 when the brothers had the goal to do the trials to make a world without demons, in season 11 Amara’s vision was to destroy so she could reshape the world to her own blueprints that she saw as better than Chuck’s. Dabb era has been even more obvious, first with the goal of the British Men of Letters being “a world without monsters” which was shared by Mary wanting a better world for her boys, and then in season 13 Jack’s arrival floated the idea of “paradise world” to Castiel. I don’t think Michael is gonna fair any better than any of these others, and wonder exactly where all these escalated versions of “a better world” will end up. It's all exploring the notion that nothing is black and white, but in fact a grey area.
5. I already discussed Michael and Sister Jo here. Cas mirrors... Cas mirrors everywhere... I also side eye the "pretty things" line because it reaks of Dean and his whole sublimation thing. In that sense it seems Dabb is making Jo a mirror for both our boys. I'll be keeping a close eye on her from now on.
6. ”Why would he say yes to you?” “Love”. OH DEAN. Just, Dean wasn’t in this episode but my god did we feel his presence RIGHT HERE. And to think there are people out there that still think this is a macho mans show about macho manly men. I’ve never known another character with more heart than Dean Winchester. This show is about LOVE above all things. I wish people would stop trying to deny that fact.
7. Radioactive Pigeon:
Look I’m not trying to be critical okay it’s very pretty and this is the FIRST time they have attempted showing an angels true form and that is amazeballs and all, but still. He has little pigeon wings and a bent halo. Pfft.
8. The Purity of Vampires. I actually love this. I think it comes across a bit silly on the surface, but the whole idea of monsters being pure is a massive callback to purgatory and season 8 and anything that calls back to season 8 makes me happy.
Sam Fucking Winchester
Excuse me while I scream HELL YES. I have been waiting for Sam to take on the leadership role for AGES. Honestly this was always my dream endgame for Sam. To organise and lead the hunting community. There’s your better world guys. It was something that the writers flirted with in late season 12, but at the time Sam only took on the position with Dean’s approval and encouragement to go ahead. Sam has always stepped back and let Dean take the lead throughout the show as the big brother and parental figure. I think this was always a role he was destined to fill and something that has been building in the subtext for a long time (much the same way as the toxic codependency has been shown to hold Sam back.)
What’s of interest here is what will happen when Dean comes back and is fighting fit. Will Sam relinquish his leadership position to Dean? Or fight for it? Will this cause conflict? I read this amazing meta on this which turned into an epic discussion and I highly recommend reading it. My HEART.
Sam’s state in the episode is one of constant motion. He cannot stop for a second, always being pulled from one thing to another. He doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t get to change out of his hideous blue and orange shirt (which is officially now my favourite Sam shirt), he doesn’t even get to finish his soup. I know Jared said that Sam had a ‘grief beard’ but Tink and I are adamant that the beard is simply due to the fact that Sam doesn’t get the time to shave. He has taken so much weight on his shoulders and in amongst that has to deal with horribly traumatic things such as face the face of his abuser and actually be a healer to him. Sam doesn't get a moment to himself and spends all his time concerned about others. It's very noble of him, but he's going through the motions.
Sam is the contrast here to both Cas and Dean, who are physically and mentally stuck in their awful situations. Sam is also stuck in a way, stuck with no time to actually contemplate the situation he has got himself in. Stuck without a moment to breath, or to grieve his brother. Stuck holding the weight of the world on his shoulders as every other single character looks to him for support, help and guidance. Sam is the motherfucking Beyonce of the episode, that is for certain.
He is also calling the shots on hell now...
(x)
... I find it amusing that back in the early days Sam's destiny was to be the boy king of hell, and it's almost like he's fulfilled that destiny, not by being king, but by being gatekeeper and in a position powerful enough to scare the demons into submission. This is probably what Crowley intended. Sam probably owns the moon now.
About Nick - Well, first of all, I TOLD YOU SO. I did say that I could tell the guy from the back of his head and I was damn right about that. Learn to trust me guys I am occasionally good at this stuff. Okay, now that that is out of my system, let’s talk about this. Round of applause for Jared in this scene. Because he takes Sam’s hell trauma extremely seriously and made sure that every nuance, every twitch, was picked up by those camera’s. I loved that. Potentially Nick could be a good way to help Sam heal in the coming season, as Sam has finally freed himself from Lucifer’s grasp. Is it fair that he should have to look after the face that tormented him for years? No. Not at all, but could it prove somewhat cathartic in the end? Maybe.
At the end of the day, Dabb must have considered Nick to have a purpose beyond “I want to give Bucklemming something to play with so they don’t fuck up my actual story” and “We need to keep stroking Mark P’s ego for some stupid reason”. Because otherwise I am really worried about how limited his power must be, and refuse to entertain the thought that he was overthrown by Singer and his horrid wife. I can see the potential in Nick being a dark mirror for Dean following his freedom from Michael’s possession. How Nick deals with the post possession trauma could be an indicator to how Dean is really coping even when he buries it.
At the same time, both Sam and Cas have been possessed by Lucifer, and therefore have all the experience between them to help Dean’s recovery without needing Nick to get involved. So I dunno guys. I’m trying to see the positive in something I otherwise despise.
Anyway I thought Jared was fucking superb in that scene and pretty much the whole episode and want to give him a round of applause because it is rare that he truly gets to shine on his own without Jensen by his side.
Now all we need is for Sam to get some sleep. How he is still functioning by the episodes end I will never understand.
Castiel Everything Winchester
(x)
Look at him. So defiant and done. You can almost imagine that fire behind him burning in his eyes as well. He’s such a dom.
Several things about Cas in 14x01:
1. He is 100% done with every demon on the planet and doesn’t give a fuck. Honestly though. The way he says “Oh God” when Kip walks in. The way he rolls his eyes. I wonder if he had Dean’s voice in his head saying “You know who wears sunglasses indoors Cas? Douchebags.”
2. He is making desperate choices in order to save Dean, which is certainly typical for him. The fact that he spends the entire episode stuck in a chair is a fantastic metaphor for his whole feelings on the situation, a metaphor then reinforced through a mirror at the end when he speaks with Jack (we never get anything explicit with Cas do we?). The fact that Cas can’t save Dean right now is weighing on him, but he is determined to do whatever it takes. The conversation he has with Sam at the end is a brilliantly short but important moment:
“I should never have gone to those demons”
“Cas no I don’t blame you. honestly I wish I had thought of it first. If it meant finding Dean I’d work with.. I’d do anything.”
The takeaway here is that actions speak louder than words. Sam HAS been distracted being leader of the hunters and having to face his own nightmares thanks to Nick, but Cas has literally been doing anything he can with a soul focus on saving Dean.
It's an intimate moment between them. In a bunker now bustling with life and movement this is the only time in the episode that it really seems still. The library has always been Sam's private space, where he feels most at home - like the kitchen is for Dean. But here he and Cas sit as equals together weighed down by their shared grief. It's the soft moments like this that I love the most about this show. They are both willing to do anything they can, but the difference is that whilst Sam is being pulled in lots of different directions, Cas’s sole focus is Dean. Note that heaven wasn’t mentioned once. It hasn’t even crossed his mind.
3. Everyone Knows, but Cas doesn’t give a shit.
“How is it you lost Dean, I thought you guys were joined at the... well you know, everything.”
It is an extremely explicit nod to Destiel. It is also the first time a line like this has made it into an episode since season 7 I think. The difference now being that we’ve had years of steady subtext and narrative building on the love story, hence the line has a different weight to those previously. It was very carefully written, careful not to imply that Cas was joined to BOTH Winchesters as the line was specifically about Dean. It was written by the showrunner, who would have known the significance of such a line, it encourages the view that all of heaven and hell have made their own assumptions about Dean and Cas’s relationship, and in case anyone wants to argue that the missing word was “hip” like the saying goes, the gesture and nod by Kip goes to prove otherwise. In other words, there is no platonic interpretation. Which is delightful.
Cas’s completely stoic silence is even more delightful. God I love him.
4. He can’t see demons true faces anymore. Like everyone else, Cas not realising those people were demons really threw me for a moment. Tink and I both agreed that the scene should have had Kip snap his fingers and have the demons smoke in and possess all those people instead - still catching Cas off guard but not making it seem like he is just super unobservant. I personally feel like this was just an error Dabb made. I have no desire to try to meta explain that one and I accept it as the error it is. I do like that it took an entire room of demons and 4 sets of enochian hand cuffs to overpower him though...The fact that he had to sit there and watch his family be beaten and almost killed around him whilst he was helpless again, is an excellent parallel to Dean’s current situation and what he will most likely have to face in the coming episodes, and also a reflection of Cas’s mental state (as mentioned above), Coming out of this episode it seems like this will be another season where Cas and Dean mirror each other and walk similar paths in terms of growth and development - if only those paths would meet with a kiss!
5. He’s the bait. Tink found this line hilarious straight away, where as I had to blink and ask why because I obviously took offence. But once we started discussing it and realised the quadruple entendre it is I found myself applauding Dabb on his genius. Cas IS used as bait, by the SPN PR people. Because he’s Mister Popularity. He’s also the character who causes the most conflict in fandom, with those who love him so much they are bitter and mean and those who simply hate him often complaining about the exact same things but in different ways - leaving the regular fans stuck in the middle (Tink explained this to me with delight - how both anti’s and bitter!cas girls alike will latch onto that line for completely different reasons). He’s also potentially a queerbait depending on how you look at it. But anyway. Cas’s epic eye rolls in this episode were almost enough to rival Sam’s bitchfaces. I am impressed.
6. He takes no pleasure for himself. I am forever going to obsess over Cas’s relationship with human food and drink:
“Coffee has no effect on me.”
“Me either, not anymore. But its like with saltwater taffee or infants, you know I just like the taste”
Although we can argue his refusal is out of stubbornness to not give the demon the satisfaction, even when accepting drinks from the Winchesters he doesn’t usually bother, or will stick with water. Even if he is seen ordering coffee it is usually only to avoid looking suspicious in diners. We know Cas enjoys some food and drink, but Cas rarely allows himself the pleasure. Even in 13x14 when Dean offered him a beer, it remained unopened. A symbolic metaphor for Cas refraining from indulging in other pleasures? This is why I am so so desperate for Michael to ask Cas what it is HE wants. Lucifer stated that Cas was a “pleasureless dullard” and I want to see this theme continue. Cas uses his grace as an excuse not to indulge and I consider this linked to meta about the “sacred oath” of heaven and Cas being duty bound and numbed by his grace. But these are all elements for a bigger meta at another time and the moment in this episode is just another snippet of that.
7. He looks awesome framed in fire. I just really liked the set up of Motown Meats as the new hang out for hell, with its fire pit and orange glowy bar. There is a lot of general symbolism there but I enjoyed the flames framed behind Cas in every shot he was in. Because even though he was mostly stuck in this episode, that fire raging inside him didn’t burn out once. He WILL save Dean. Just as he promised to Jack at the end, even if he get’s battered, beaten and bruised, his determined stubborness to save his husband will win eventually. Cas is no longer the broken thing of seasons 11/12. He well and truly rose like a phoenix in season 13 and now it’s showing through, as it’s a mission fueled by his own passion and love.
Jack Winchester (AKA my nougat son)
Poor Jack, like his father he hasn't had it easy in 14x01. He is struggling with his humanity now, his usefulness, in such a clear mirror to Cas that it kinda hits you in the face. He is desperately seeking guidance from those around him. First in the form of AU Bobby who has clearly bonded with Jack following their experiences together in apocalypse world.
It is great to finally see the Bunker gym! A room we all have ingrained in our fandom hive mind thanks to a 100 destiel fanfics. We all know what's gone on in there. >.>
Throughout the episode, Jack seeks out guidance first with Bobby, which goes badly, then with Sam, which is interrupted, and finally with Cas, which is when he finally gets told what he needs to hear. I am really happy that whilst Jack has so many father figures now, it is Cas who truly holds that torch and is able at least somewhat give Jack what he needs near the episodes end. If only he had damn well given his son a hug!
I loved the conversation so much that I transcripted it here:
JACK: I’m fine.
CAS: You did well
JACK: All I did was get punched. In the face
CAS: To be fair we all got punched in the face
JACK: That’s not - Before when I had my powers I could have done something
CAS: Jack you don’t have your powers, and your grace should regenerate in time, but until then..
JACK: I’m useless. I cant kill demons I cant find Dean and Michael is in our world and I cant stop him.
I can’t do anything. I don’t have anything.
CAS: Oh Jack. That’s just not true. You’ve got me. You have all of us. You have your family.
And we are going to find dean and we are going to beat Michael and we are going to do it together. Because that’s what we do.
This whole conversation was PERFECT. Every line chosen so specifically and weighted with meaning. Urgh Dabb I fucking love you for this.
Jack starts with “I’m fine” which Cas knows by now means you are not fine but he has also learned to recognise that sometimes it doesn’t mean “leave me alone” as Jack was crying out for guidance and support here.
The mirrored “got punched in the face” calls to attention the fact that Jack is a reflection of Cas himself here and everything he has felt both now and in the past.
Jack’s complaint about being useless without his powers is a fear Cas has carried with him since his fall in season 9. It’s something that still weighs on him and whilst Cas now knows his place by the Winchester’s side, knows that they are a family and that he is not just a hammer, I think that fear of losing his power and being cast out is still well and truly weighing him down. It will be cathartic for Cas to see the family accept Jack as one of their own even if he is “useless” and human.
Cas’s “That’s just not true” when Jack says he is useless - his voice breaks and you KNOW Cas has had those exact same thoughts.
“you’ve got me, you’ve got all of us. You have your family” compared to You’re my family, I love you, I love all of you” compared to “We're family. We need you. I need you.” The difference is there is no ambiguity in the word ME. Dabb turned it around, but had Cas clear it up. It’s the same line every time. The only difference is the placement of each individual statement. If this isn’t yet another clear example that the “I love you” was specifically directed at Dean I don’t know what is. THIS IS A CONTINUING PATTERN PEOPLE.
The determined promise to save Dean at the end, right after he specifies the singular and plural because obviously Dean was on Cas’s mind at that point - Mister I Don’t Get Words Wrong over here knows exactly what he means.
I love this whole conversation, but as I said above, it drums home the fact that whilst the Winchesters and others may be sources of guidance and support for Jack, he only has one true father, and I think Dabb wanted to make that clear in this episode. Remember:
Fingers crossed for more father/son bonding between these two in future episodes.
Mary and Bobby
(x)
Baring in mind I was expecting 1 small Destiel moment in the episode in the form of a line from a demon. You have NO IDEA how happy this moment between Mary and Bobby made me. If anyone saw that inktober pic I drew for premier day of me and Tink gasping in shock at the screen, it was for THIS moment. My face lit up in delight.
I said at the start of this long review that Dabb picked his moments well. With every second counting from a meta perspective. This was one of those.
Tell me, anyone, when watching that moment, would you deny that there was something between Bobby and Mary? As homework I'd like you all to play this scene to your heteronormative friends and family, or even be brave and ask a bibro. Would ANYONE deny that it was intended to be romantic?! I highly doubt it.
And yet there was nothing textually explicitly romantic about it. There was NOTHING in this scene that hasn’t been filmed a thousand times between Dean and Cas. The fact that Dabb chose to write this extremely small seemingly unimportant moment, in the kitchen, and for Bobby to use THOSE EXACT WORDS. As I have mentioned several times already, Dabb doesn’t fuck around when using well known moments from past canon in order to reinforce the importance of a thing. Dabb LOVES parallels. He wrote Bloodlines after all. He also knows the fandom hive mind and the things we pick up on and latch on to. This was a very smart calculated decision to include this in the episode and I am LIVING that he did it. GIVE ME ALL THE BOBBY x MARY/ DESTIEL PARALLELS.
...
I actually really liked Mary in this episode. There is so much discourse in fandom about her and whilst I find Sam Smith pretty cold and wooden, I have never understood the utter hatred of Mary as a character. Hence why I praise Dabb’s genius at this moment:
(x)
Because this line literally sums up her entire arc since her return. Tink and I paused the episode and basically flailed at each other because this is EXACTLY what Mary has been trying to do. She was in HEAVEN, with her BABIES and suddenly she is back on earth with two grown men who are strangers to her, telling her they are hunters and have suffered a life of HORRORS without her. So she ran. Hell, I would have ran too. She shoved herself into hunting because all she could think about was trying to make things GOOD for her boys. Trying to FIX her mistakes the only way she knew how: by HUNTING. She was drowning in the bad. So she found focus in trying to make things good. Like in this episode, she reassures Sam so much that he snaps at her. He doesn’t want to be reassured, and that’s fine. But my god this felt like the first time Mary has truly had a voice. I really weren’t kidding when I said that Dabb made sure every word counted.
OTHER THINGS
I am unsure how I feel about the title card:
Tink called it. I think it looks a bit odd, a bit too clean. I like the title cards to be grim and dark. Black angel wings though! And hey, at least the fiery halos in the title cards are perfectly spherical... so we know they CAN do it right...
*side eyes SFX team*
Kip as a wannabe Crowley was kinda fun for a one off episode but I am glad that they are stressing now that wannabe Crowley’s get killed. The last one we had was Bart in 13x08 who was very much the same flirtatious queer coded demon. I’m fed up with the villainous queer coding by now. It’s been done too often. Give me another Demon like Alastair or Ramiel or none at all.
“Asmodeus Kentucky Fried” DID ANYONE LIKE ASMODEUS OTHER THAN BUCKLEMMING? This made me LOL.
The fight scene at the end was really weird and overly long. I dunno why they decided on so many random slow mo and wooosh shots. the whole Mary slow mo throwing the blade at Sam was cringy. I wish they’d stop being experimental and stick with what they know! You think they’d learn after 13x23!
Maggie was a bit annoying. Why bring her along if she can’t fight? Also the random cuts to her reaction after Jack was angsty had me reeling. simply because in het couples that’s a brewing romance and that is a massive NOPE from me. I like her as an individual character, I DO NOT like her as a love interest to a 1 year old, and I certainly wouldn’t like some pining story for her where she falls for an unavailable guy. It’s not fair on her character. The one thing I did like was the “pointy end” comment. It reminded me of Charlie for some reason.
The throw away line about Ketch being in London looking for the golden egg Lucifer/president extractor. Nice closing of a plot hole there Dabb.
I liked the Jesus weapon expert hunter dude. He seemed quirky. Dead man’s blood bullets are an excellent idea.
DETROIT. Why does everything always happen in Detroit? I swear one day they are gonna reveal that Detroit is like a central universal power hub where the walls between the dimensions are thinnest or something. I could go on about this but I am sure a better meta writer elsewhere already has and this is waaay too long so I’m leaving this here.
If you got this far. Kudos and thank you for sticking around to read my thoughts. Feel free to ask me anything about any of the above. If I could hand out cookies through the internet I totally would right now.
Basically I enjoyed the episode. I have since re-watched it a dozen times and it is really the meta of it all that makes me love it. The story IS weak, and there ARE moments that are a bit odd, or infuriating depending on the way you look at it, but the heart of the episode was classic Dabb. All character driven and full of meaning. I am extremely well fed after this meta feast, perhaps even enough to get me through the horror show that will be Bucklemming’s 14x02.
So long as Cas continues to look like a sexy beast I’m sure I’ll get through it.
I’ll just leave this here:
God he’s such a dom. :P
#supernatural#spn meta#castiel#destiel#michael!dean#sam winchester#dean winchester#mary winchester#jack the nephilim#nougat winchester#episode review#14x01#spn spoilers#season 14#stranger in a strange land#andrew dabb#god bless andrew dabb#my review#my meta#my thoughts#mirrors and parallels#destiel dreaming#season themes#season what do we want 14
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Pitch Perigee (8/14)
Valeba couldn’t say she didn’t expect this to happen. Even if the ball had restrictions on the level of blatant hemospectrum supremacy, to assume every name-calling, obviously hemoist, stuck-up-their-own-ass high and midblood avoided the ball was ridiculous. Even Sandyhorn -- a city almost wholly composed of low and midbloods -- had major issues. She walked in anticipating the weird looks and hushed whispers she got walking alongside Mayola toward the VIP area. And if she were being honest with herself, they seemed more respectful here. Back in her first village, she had to deal with accusations of pailing up the hemospectrum due to her choice of quadrants - first Dontoc for a moirail, who gave the immediate impression of a stuffy highblood; then Ardeen, who barely counted if you ignored his access to normal cooking ingredients. The insults darkened her outlook on others, but it did also thicken her skin.
That all being said, the douche hadn’t called her rust, or gutter, or fudge, or dirt or even mud. No, they went for shitblood. They yelled shitblood down a ballroom, over top the music, overtop everything. If her bow were readily available, there wouldn’t even be a pretense of civility at this point. Dontoc may hold the idea of do no harm, but Valeba stood by the idea of take no shit first and foremost.
But she didn’t. Valeba settled for spinning rapidly on her heel toward the sound of the voice. One fist balled itself, but the other held steady right at her waist, ready to grab a knife if the moment called for it.
She found herself standing face to face with a smaller seadweller with equally small, basic looking fins and impossibly spiky horns. All her long, shaggy hair parted off to one side to give that shaved look on the other and only kept out of her eyes by virtue of the star clip in her hair. Her dress was portioned off into two sections thanks to an absolutely gaudy amount of garland around the waist: the top being relatively normal with a plunging, v-neckline held only together by yet more golden plastic-looking beads, and the bottom being a complete mess of what Valeba swore were real tree branches to make a spiky, painful-looking asymmetrical skirt.
“Oh goddamn, I cannot believe.” Valeba raked her eyes up and down the monstrosity of a dress. “I honestly thought a living tree was walking my direction, but no. Trees don’t have fins.”
The pointy thing crossed her arms around a barely covered chest, upper lip curled in a distinct sneer to show off a full row of miniature fangs. Her fins flexed in rhythm. An intimidation tactic, and not even a good one at that. “Yeah, says the troll wearing what? Black and brown? You know the rest of the rainbow exists for a reason, right?”
Valeba drummed her fingers on her belt. “Last I remember, your kind doesn’t exactly appreciate me wearing colors outside the my caste, but sure. Let’s assume it’s my lack of fashion sense. Now, are you just here to test my patience or are do you actually have something…” she paused, freeing up the balled fist only to gesture into the air “...worth what little time I have on this planet?”
“Yeah, I do.” She stepped closer to Valeba, making the brownblood reflexively step back. “I don’t appreciate the gutters like you being so up close and personal with the rest of us.”
Valeba narrowed her eyes. God, did she wish for something to tie her loose hair back in. Her own wasn’t down by any means, but despite being pulled up in a tight bun and held with bladed hair chopsticks, Valeba still felt loose strands tickle the side of her face. It meant in the event of altercation, this troll held the apparent advantages: sharp claws and short hair. Valeba wasn’t planning on pulling the knife out unless this troll touched her. She was going as the Heiress’ kismesis. The last thing she needed to do was reinforce negative stereotypes right now. “Then step away,” she said. “Or is that too hard for you?”
The seadweller pointed a sharp, noxiously pink claw in Valeba’s direction. “You’re the one who should be leaving,” she said.
She almost couldn’t believe it. She’d ran into plenty of true hemoists in her time. She’d pailed a hemoist or two in acts of desperation to avoid the drones, played dumb and submissive to get them to take her in for a day. They generally had a smug aura about them that set them apart from your regular trolls who just listened to what was spoon-fed to them or straight up lied and said they went with it, despite privately following their own system. Some, she’d venture to say, might even get this dramatic. But this? Valeba may as well be in a cartoon.
“And you’re going to, what? Cull me?” Valeba let out a harsh laugh. “Seadweller or not, that’s gonna be a harder one to do quietly with no weapons.”
The seadweller took another step closer, curled lip giving way to an increasing amount of menace and teeth. Valeba took another step back. Was anyone paying attention to them? It was hard to tell. Probably not. Trolls already get wrapped in themselves pretty easily without their quadrants and decadent food nearby. “I don’t need weapons to get you thrown the hell out like you should be,” she said. “I just need to remind everyone here of the gutterblood’s barbaric nature--”
“Barbaric nature?” she snapped. “It’s not lowbloods who have violent tempers, last I fucking recall. And it’s certainly not a fucking lowblood who yelled a slur across the room.”
The seadweller leaned in close, pointing that stupid claw closer to Valeba. Valeba balled her fist tighter, her own claws digging into her skin. “Don’t you compare us to those filthy Faygo drinkers. We’re far more pure and like, way more sane than any air breather.”
“Then if you’re so sane, I suggest leaving me the fuck alone,” she snarled. “There are plenty of other fucking lowbloods to pick on.”
“Yeah, but like, not all of them just give off that feel of trouble like you do.” She put her claw down, but came closer to get up in Valeba’s face. Valeba could smell the distinct fishy smell from the troll’s dinner as she breathed cold air up. “Who tips their hair mutant red for a highblood ball? Filthy hemorebel extremists looking to bomb a place she doesn’t belong in, that’s who.”
“I suggest you get out of my face now before you do something you regret,” she growled. A flash of brightly colored movement caught in the upper corner of her vision and she flitted her gaze for the briefest second up, but it was gone by the time she looked.
“Oh yeah, like what? You can’t even look at me when you threaten me. Bet you’re all talk and no actual game like the rest of you filthy rusties. Bet I could just…” The seadweller’s gaze went up and down, studying Valeba like a piece of meat on display. She slipped a hand underneath the waistline, tightening the grip around the nearest knife. She let out a slow, silent exhale. Only a matter of time now.
It never came. That flash of color returned to her vision, closer now. It wasn’t a flash anymore, but a tall man in a patchwork suit and dark sunglasses looming over the seadweller. He had an odd set of horns: one curled tightly around his ear like Vodnik’s, but the other hooked up and appeared broken off right where it would have curved downward. He gave the two of them a wide grin as he fished around his upper pocket to pull out a white case.
“You must be Siroet,” he said pleasantly. Before she had the chance to say something nasty, he opened up the case and hastily pulled out a small card out. One of them he handed out to the seadweller. Another one fell right on the floor. “Gonzor Tenerg, Trolling Stone. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
Siroet’s face melted into calm passivity. She gave Gonzor a dainty-looking hand to shake. “Oh yeah, Careen mentioned you. You were the one looking to talk to her,” she said sweetly.
Valeba scowled. Figures this troll seadweller was somehow wrapped up in the Heiress. It certainly explained the outfit, anyway. She’d seen more than enough of some of the outfits, between the pictures on her Chittr she posted nonstop and the photos Dontoc texted her when they stopped paying attention to him.
He gave Siroet a pleasant, if empty, smile. “You could say that, yes. I’m looking to write a story on the Heiress. Really get a feel for not just her, but the people she keeps around. Helps give the people a whole sense of who may one day take down the Empress.”
She nodded vigorously. She took her free hand in his, delicately clasping it. “Oh, yes. Yes. I understand completely Mr. Tenrig. Please, come with me. Let’s sit! I’ll give you everything you need to know.”
“Oh yes, oh yes.” He glanced at Valeba to give her a quick nod before sliding his hand out from Siroet. Right when he tipped her head up to look at him better, she slinked silently back into the crowd. She only just caught the oliveblood looking back toward her direction with a knowing grin as the crowd engulfed her.
Time to go find her kismesis.
#12th perigee ball 2018#homestuck#fantroll#fanfiction#long post#not a starter#my writing#valeba#siroet#misspellings of tenerg's on purpose btw#a tale of 12th perigee
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OC interview meme
Tagged by: @dirthara-mama thank you <3
And of course for my bb
After Trespasser
1. What is your name?
Evelyn Lavellan.
2. What is your real name?
It’s cause it’s a shem name isn’t it? Don’t worry, it’s Evelyn Lavellan still.
3. Do you know why you were called that?
Mother was a city elf and a human named Evelyn helped her escape and my ma was inspired so here I am.
4. Are you single or taken?
Very much taken. See this necklace? Half of a dragon’s tooth, The Iron Bull has the other half.
5. Have any abilities or powers?
I mean...I have the genetics to harness magic and I’m good at that so... Well, I’m a Dreamer as well, and can-used to close demon rifts. Also studied rift magic and that’s why the missing part of my arm looks like a translucent green hand.
6. Stop being a Mary Sue.
Pal, I have a shit load of issues I have to deal with on the daily. Mental shit, physical shit, social shit. Do not even start with me.
7. What’s your eye color?
Pale forest green. Mother had green eyes, Father had heterochromia with one brown and one green.
8. How about your hair color?
Red with brown undertones. Sometimes it looks red red other times it looks brown, depends on the lighting.
9. Have you any family members?
Only child, Mother and Father got divorced cause my mom was emotionally abusive to me. She changed, though I’m still weary around her and happy she doesn’t push anything. I have chosen family from the Inquisition and my old Keeper. My father and I are really the only remaining Lavellans. We are a direct bloodline from Lavellan themself as well. Other than that, not much, but we’re close.
10. Oh? What about pets?
When I was little I had a pet rabbit and was best friends with a Halla. Now I have a pet dragon-well, she’s imprinted on me, I’m her mom. And I have a dracolisk that chose me as well.
11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me something you don’t like.
The way you phrased that statement at the beginning is a good start. I have a long list, you have to be more specific. People who are ignorant and arrogant piss me off, so there.
12. Do you have any hobbies/actives you like doing?
Well they wouldn’t be a hobby if I hated it now would it? Yes, reading, writing, hanging off of things, instrument playing, singing, art as well.
13. Ever hurt anyone before?
Oh plenty. And I hate myself everyday for it. Each time I’m forced to kill someone I know that that person had a family and friends, maybe completely innocent to the situation. And they’re going to receive a letter that says their loved one died, and it’s hard. I feel like I’ve let people down multiple times due to being ignorant and naive. Yeah sure, saved the world the weight should be off my shoulders right? Nope. It lingers like fade pain. Haunted by so much. The fact that Thedas could still be destroyed because the Veil falls, doesn’t help matters much because now I feel like I did everything for nothing so...
14. Ever...killed anyone before?
Many. I always try to do it in self defense and only if the killing is necessary.
15. What kind of animal are you?
Watch it. And if you don’t know any better don’t ever ask that question to anyone, especially elves. Though, I feel like my familiar would be a fox or cat or OH, gargoyle cat if they only existed past sculptures.
16. Name your worst habits.
I’m oblivious. I cry a shit load, so I always seem over sensitive or over emotional when most of the time I’m not. Guess who’s never taken seriously? Um, I put others needs before my own, which might not sound too bad until you realize I cannot truly help another person until I know I’m fully able to by prioritizing myself first.
17. Do you look up to anyone at all?
My father. And a few of my friends.
18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?
Pansexual.
19. Do you go to school?
Taught by my clan, first hand by the Keeper. Yes and no.
20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?
Marriage is important to help put who I am in stone. Like, another document that says I was an elf mage. And of course for legal reasons if Bull and I wanna do things economically speaking. But, I am infertile and have zero motherly type instincts. And no, caring for safety of others doesn’t guarantee that I have said instincts, just means I care.
21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?
Probably.
22. What are you most afraid of?
Abuse. And any of it’s synonyms and connotations. Being like my mother was.
23. What do you usually wear?
Clothes. Um, easy things to put on or take off. I stray from pants when I can. Hate those bastards.
24. Do you love someone?
I killed dragons in his name, yes I love someone. And platonically or family wise I also love others.
25. When was the last time you wet yourself?
Diaper years.
26. Well, it’s not over yet!
Lovely.
27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class)
High class now. I hate it. I try to give away all the money I can to charities and people who need it but for some reason I keep getting fucking paid and I want them to stop because I’m fine, it’s everyone else that needs the money.
28. How many friends do you have?
Around 15ish. But like, my closest best friend group is around three. Yes, I count Bull amongst them.
29. What are your thoughts on pie?
Fucking love it. Blueberry pie is my favorite and I can make it and ugh, i need one now.
30. Favorite drink?
Alcoholic wise, I prefer rum, but I actually don’t drink much and don’t really enjoy it all that much but I can tolerate a few rounds for fun. Bull is respectful of that. Otherwise, it’s a tie between apple juice and hot chocolate.
31. What’s your favorite place?
I have pillows in the corner of my room I snuggle in a lot and it’s my safe space kinda. But, I really enjoy Crestwood, I think the scenery can be beautiful.
32. Are you interested in someone?
...yes. The Iron Fucking Bull.
33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?
Um...small? Bull describes it as the size of medium oranges. Don’t ask how we got into that discussion because it was really a random topic that just came up.
34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?
Well, I really like how calm lakes can be. But I do feel a sort of calling towards the ocean. I think that’s because every few years or so, my clan would go to a coastal/island clan and exchange stuff and have fun. My father actually is half coastal and half Lavellan blood, so I have a bit in that in me. Though I’m like 200% sure because he has vitiligo and my ma had really sun sensitive skin, I can’t tan or be out in the sun very long even with protection.
35. Whats your type?
Intelligent, that does not equate to book smart by the way. Open mindedness, humorous, playful but can be serious in serious situations, kind, someone who can match my morals. Good chemistry.
36. Any fetishes?
Not by the true definition of one, no, but I have a shit load of kinks. That’s for another discussion if you wish. I’m not ashamed.
37. Seem or uke? Top or bottom? Dominant or submissive?
I’m a submissive brat about 90% of the time, sometimes I have a craving to be dominant, though, but I know Bull is extremely uncomfortable in truly submissive positions so we try and work things out, compromise.
38. Camping or indoors?
Both.
39. Are you waiting for the interview to end?
Yes.
40. Now it’s over!
Thank you.
Tagging: I’ve seen a lot of people do this recently so idk! If you see this and want to do it consider yourself tagged!
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Has Anyone Heard of The Left/Right Game?
by NeonTempo
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 (Final)
Hi Guys,
Firstly, I want to apologise for not being at my laptop for the past few days. I had to attend a wedding in Scotland for one of my uni friends. They booked it in mid-week and, between you and me, I don’t think it’s going to last which means not only have I neglected you guys, but I’ve also wasted money on a rental suit and a John Lewis tea set.
As always thank you for your help in my ongoing attempt to find Alice. I’m now in full contact with the radio show she was working for, and they’ll be sending over Rob’s submission to the show as soon as they can. I’ve also looked up every town named Jubilation and have contacted residents from each of them. None of them have the particular junction mentioned in the previous log, “Sycamore Row” and “Acer Street”. I even combed google maps to make sure. I’m not sure what town Alice passed through last February but it doesn’t seem to exist on public record.
The guy who promised to retrace the route from the mirror shop came through, and has sent me a few possible addresses for Rob. He also mentioned looking into the game itself more. I’m not sure what he means by that but I want to be clear, please don’t play this game on my behalf. I don’t want that on my conscience.
Ok, without further ado, here’s the following log.
Thanks again.
The Left/Right Game [DRAFT 1] 10/02/2017
(Possible Opening) (I want to address you, the listener, for a moment, with an advance notice concerning the following episode. I’m sure it’s not been lost on you that every installment of the series so far has played host to some strange, unexplainable occurrence, and spanned a great many miles of travel. It goes without saying this has been by design. I’ve been summarising the countless hours of uneventful meandering and taking extra care to document the strange phenomena we’ve encountered along the way. I wanted the story to be fast moving, to have a real feel of progress with every chapter.
If that sense of exploratory intrigue is why you’re listening to this show, I completely understand. I’m certain it’s a primary draw for almost all of you; the twists, the turns, the mysterious, strange encounters along an impossible road.
But if that is the case, I feel it’s my duty to inform you that, apart from a few notable exceptions, there will be almost no ground covered in this segment, and the monsters we encounter will be all too human; stress, divisiveness, discomfort and, as one might imagine, grief.
If you want to read the synopsis of this episode on the website and wait for the next part, then you’ll be all caught up and I’m sure we’ll be back on our way, heading once more into the great unknown. But I feel it’s important to give the aftermath of Ace’s capture its own episode, in part due to the significance of the revelations that are unearthed in its wake, but also as a gesture of deference to the man we lost.
This is the story of our second night on the road.)
As we make the left turn, the horrifying space behind us is quickly replaced by a quiet emptiness ahead. The Wrangler crawls, defeated, toward the waiting convoy. The remaining four cars are parked haphazardly, taking up more than half the road. Rob drifts to the far end of the tarmac, looking to overtake and resume formation. Both of his hands rest on the steering wheel, his eyes fixed on some distant point in space. It’s not hard to imagine that behind the focus and the quiet control, there’s a man in turmoil, a man who can’t bring himself to say anything, in fear of saying too much.
AS: This is Bristol to all cars. We’re heading back on the road. Get yourselves in formation and make way for those around you. We’ve got a while to drive before we stop for the night.
LILITH: Bristol where’s Ro… Ferryman?
AS: Ferryman’s here.
APOLLO: Where’s Ace?
AS: Ace is… Ace didn’t make it across.
APOLLO: Uhh what?
LILITH: What the fuck? Bristol where is he?
It would be simple to describe what had taken place, or at least summarise the barest facts; what happened to Ace, where he is now, why he isn’t coming back. But for some reason, I can’t utter a word about what's transpired. Something about the event itself makes it impossible to retell, as if the requisite phrases have been locked behind glass.
AS: We need to get to the stopping point. It isn’t safe to stay here.
Shortly after we’d turned the corner out of Sycamore Row, Rob implied that the rest of the days’ drive would be uneventful. Had he waited just a few minutes longer, he would have been entirely correct. We’re on the road for another four hours, both of us quietly attending to our own preoccupations as the forest gradually thins out. The landscape gives way to rolling cornfields, that stretch out beyond the horizon on both sides.
Nothing notable happens, which is ironic, as I find myself typing up a lot more notes than I need.
With the sun descends through an orange sky as we pull into a clearing, beside a wild grove of apple trees. Rob turns off the ignition and the two of us sit in silence. Rob’s need to concentrate on driving had been a good excuse to stay quiet, a good excuse to not face each other. Now the wheels aren’t turning however, and the true reason for our mutual reticence is all too clear.
AS: Do you think he’s dead?
ROB: I don’t know.
Rob’s response isn’t reassuring, and I’m oddly grateful for that. There are no comforting words he can give me, and any attempt would have seemed horrifically insincere, a mockery of the situation’s onerous gravity. Anyway, given the circumstances of Ace’s capture, I’m not even sure which answer I want to hear.
Lilith appears at my window, rapping her knuckles against the glass with an aggressive impatience. I’d expect nothing less about now. Everyone in the convoy has been made to follow a unilateral order, my order, without explanation. They’ve been travelling for hours accompanied by the glaring absence of another human being. Looking in the wing mirror, I glimpse the rest of the convoy, standing by their cars, watching the Wrangler expectantly.
Rob’s hands still haven’t left the wheel.
With a sharp intake of breath, I push the door open and step out onto the grass. The ground is soft below me as I walk over to the group. There’s recently been rain. I begin to address the rough semicircle, it almost feels like one of Rob’s briefings.
EVE: What’s happening Bristol?
APOLLO: Did Ace turn back?
I meet Apollo’s eye. For the briefest of moments, I consider telling them all exactly that. Maybe it would save them from the slow, heavy ache that’s currently weighing down my chest. Maybe it would just save me from a difficult conversation. Either way, I know I can't lie to them. They deserve the truth, however unpleasant.
AS: No he didn’t turn back; they crippled his car.
LILITH: The tow truck? Did he get out?
The answer doesn't come easily. I’m being pressed to say the words aloud and, in doing so, to fully acknowledge what happened. It feels like I’m being driven to a funeral, like I’m being verbally marched towards an open casket.
EVE: What happened to him?... Bristol…
ROB: He’s dead, Eve.
I hadn’t heard Rob step out of the car when he reaches the group. It’s hard to hide my relief as he takes over proceedings, addressing the group matter-of-factly. Now it really is like one of his briefings.
ROB: Two guys in the tow truck coming outta Jubilation. They got him. They took him back with them to the town. Way they were treatin’ him he won’t last long.
BONNIE: Oh goodness…
EVE: What? Rob what’re they going to do to him?
ROB: I can’t tell you. Nothing like this ever happened before.
LILITH: Well we need to go back.
ROB: That ain’t gonna happen.
LILITH: We’re not going to fucking abandon him.
AS: Lilith…
LILITH: We’re going back!
ROB: No we’re not.
APOLLO: Me and Rob can go. You know the place right Rob?
ROB: The kid’s dead Apollo.
LILITH: But he was alive when you last saw him?
ROB That’s right.
LILITH: So what point did you decide he was dead?
ROB: When I saw him being carried away with a fucking tow hook sticking out his mouth! Goddamn it.
Rob shouldn’t have said that. I understand his reasons of course; he wants to convey an important truth, that nothing can be done, or could have been done, to save Ace. His ghastly choice of words does the job, but it also sends a ripple of disturbance through the crowd, planting in everyone’s minds the gruesome image I’ve been trying all day to uproot.
Bonnie covers her mouth in shock and sorrow. Eve turns noticeably pale, and even Lilith, who is intent on leading the questioning, is taken aback.
LILITH: Did… did you see this Bristol?
I nod solemnly. The group bristles at my affirmation.
AS: I saw enough. I had to close my eyes when it happened, Rob tried to save him until…
Before I can finish my statement, my words are cut off by something truly unexpected. In spontaneous response to my words, a harsh outburst of mocking, sarcastic laughter rings out from within the convoy. One by one, we turn towards its source, until we all find ourselves staring at Bluejay. Her unapologetic chuckling fills the silent night air.
AS: Is something funny, Bluejay?
Bluejay tries to speak through her, all too slowly, waning laughter.
BLUEJAY: It’s just… you call yourself a journalist… Hah you closed your eyes, my god… there it is! There it is.
AS: I’m sorry?
BLUEJAY: Do you close your eyes for magic tricks too?
EVE: What the fuck Bluejay?
APOLLO: Come on, this isn’t the time.
BLUEJAY: Oh the time is well fucking overdue. Seriously are you all morons? The Left/Right Game is a hoax. It’s fake! Rob Guthard’s played you all like fucking children! Ace is fine, he’s probably an actor! Like the hitchhiker was an actor and those towns people too. I mean, come on.
The group is taken aback by Bluejay’s incredulous tirade. She’s clearly been holding her tongue since day one; our reaction to Ace’s capture representing just one step too far.
AS: I saw Rob shoot one of those townspeople with a hunting rifle. I saw the wound. It was real.
BLUEJAY: It was a blood filled squib. The rifle was probably loaded with blanks. You can buy both from any good theatrical retailer. Seriously what the fuck is wrong with you people?
LILITH: Ok firstly, I don’t like your fucking tone. Secondly, have you noticed that we’ve been the only cars on the road for almost two days? And what about Jubilation? Are you suggesting Rob hired out a whole town? That would be fucking impossible.
BLUEJAY: Oh yeah sure, THAT’S impossible, but it’s totally believable that we’re driving on a magic road. Maybe this is the highest budget scam I’ve ever seen but that’s all it is, a scam. And Al Jazeera here is giving him all the publicity he wants. I mean these people are sheep but you, you’re a fucking sycophant.
My mother used to tell me that you can’t strike a person from the high road. Staring down the barrel of Bluejay’s darkly self-satisfied grin, I’m more than tempted to make the descent.
AS: Ok Bluejay fair enough. I’m not going to pretend to know what’s going on here, for all I know you could be right. But why would Rob spend the production budget of a Hollywood film to trick a radio journalist and two vloggers. Trust me, our website does not get enough traffic for-
BLUEJAY: Oh don’t be so self-important. It’s not YOU he’s trying to fool.
Bluejay turns to Rob, fixing him a glare of pure, unadulterated triumph.
BLUEJAY: Admit it Rob. Admit that this is all a fucking farce. Admit that you knew who I was before I even got out of my car.
Rob’s face looks like it’s been carved from granite. The group looks to him for an answer, but he delivers his response directly to Bluejay, his eyes locked with hers.
ROB: It’s true… … I know who you are Denise.
The atmosphere changes, and for a moment, the night erupts into a foray of whispers. Rob’s answer clearly means something to everyone but me.
EVE: Denise?
LILITH: Denise Carver?
APOLLO: No. You serious?
AS: Sorry, who’s Denise Carver?
LILITH: She’s the biggest killjoy in the hobby.
BLUEJAY: Oh fuck you, you fucking air-head.
ROB: Denise here is a member of the Skeptics and Rationalist Institute of America. She likes to get herself invited on ghost hunting expeditions under a false name so she can debunk them publicly. You may've gathered she don’t believe in the supernatural.
BLUEJAY: Actually I do believe in the supernatural. I believe that it’s a billion dollar industry built on selling comfortable lies to the gullible, and it thrives on shitty journalists and attention whore bloggers who are willing to spread whatever shit they think will get them clicks.
AS: That’s why you took so long getting around the pine tree. Even when the truck was coming for Ace. You didn’t think any of it was real.
BLUEJAY: Uhh… did you?
As condescending as her delivery may be, her words spark a sudden realisation. It’s true, that with an unspeakably high budget and a few deft stooges, you could probably replicate most of what we’d seen on the road. Yet, without realising it, I’ve found myself agreeing with Rob’s version of events, personally defending the Left/Right Game’s validity against its decriers. I’d set off on this journey much like Bluejay, as a staunch, confident skeptic, but somewhere between the tunnel and this moment, I’d become a believer.
Bluejay notes my lack of protest, and turns back to Rob.
BLUEJAY: I’m flattered you went to all this trouble. I didn’t know my work was so offensive to you.
ROB: I admire your work Denise. Always have. That’s why I brought you along.
BLUEJAY: That is bullshit. Tell your friend Ace he can’t act for shit.
Bluejay pulls a pack of Marlboros out of her coat, lighting up immediately, and goes to sit on the hood of her nearby car. Her demeanour clearly signals that her part in the conversation is over, though her words leave a bitter aftertaste for everyone involved. To sympathise, it must be exhausting, spending two days with people whose opinions are diametrically opposed to your own, having to listen in silence while they corroborate their own seemingly preposterous views. Having said that however, I’m incredibly glad she’s stopped talking. It reminds me of a time when we got on much better.
The next question comes from Eve, her voice quivering.
EVE: Can… can we die here Rob?
The quiet force of her words turn everyone’s heads back towards Rob. It’s clear that others have been thinking the same thing, and they’re looking to Rob for an answer.
ROB: It’s possible. The road ain’t ever killed no one before. Not so long as everyone followed the rules.
LILITH: But you said in your emails it was dangerous.
ROB: That’s right.
LILITH: But you didn’t feel like telling us that we could die out here?
Rob turns to Lilith, clearly offended by her accusation.
ROB: In the 1920’s Jon Ebenrow killed 36 people and violated their bodies. In one of your videos, you guys went to his home in Virginia looking for the man’s ghost. Bonnie & Clyde once spent $500 to stay at the Iowa Murder House, a place that’s supposed to possess its victims and force’em to kill each other.
ROB: If you all honestly believed in what you were chasing, you should be accepting death as an outcome every time you step out. We are looking for evidence of another world. What we’re doing here has the scientific significance of the moon landings, the cultural significance of Columbus reaching the Americas and a whole lot of people died doing both. If you accepted the risk chasing down the ghost of a two-bit serial killer, you should be willing to accept the risk for this.
Lilith looks like she’s been scolded by a parent. There’s a fire in her eyes as she observes Rob, meeting his criticism with scorn.
LILITH: Oh so it’s Ace’s fault? He should have “accepted the risk”?
ROB: He did accept the risk. Ace made his decisions. He saw the dangers of the road first hand and he kept on goin'. I told you this place could be dangerous, and maybe you didn’t take that seriously. But you are NOT gonna treat me like I lured any of you here under false pretenses.
We stand for a few moments in the uncomfortable void left by Rob’s words. No one’s quite sure where to look.
APOLLO: Well what do we do now Rob? Do we turn around?
ROB: I ain’t gonna make that decision for you. If you want to split off and head back, I suggest you wait till mornin’ and stagger your leavin’ times by an hour or so. I ain’t never seen nothin’ like what happened back there before, but this is the most people I ever played the game with. Maybe that’s doin’ somethin’.
AS: What do you mean by that?
ROB: Well it’s the only thing that’s changed. Truth is, this ain’t our world, by all rights we shouldn’t be here. Even when it's one car the road always tries to discourage you. Maybe it’s like bacteria in a vein. One or two might slip by unnoticed but once it hits a certain point it’s like a uh…
AS: Like an immune response. You think the road’s pushing back on foreign objects?
ROB: And the bigger the group-
AS: The more violent the response…
It makes sense, until Bluejay laughs once more. Hearing her reaction, I reassess what I'm saying and I can’t help but feel a little foolish at the idea.
ROB: Maybe. It’s just a theory... I don’t know.
Rob collects himself, regaining his composure.
ROB: Either way, you all have the morning to decide if you want to keep on the road. Bristol, if you want to go home, you gotta find someone to take you. I ain’t ready to head back yet.
He turns away from the group and marches to the Wrangler. I don’t see him again for the rest of the evening, and I have no intention of bothering him. Eve and Lilith immediately crowd around me, asking if I’m alright and taking it in turns to disparage Rob’s actions. I can’t bring myself to join in. All I can bring myself to say is…
AS: Can I charge my phone in your car?
The group has very little to say for the rest of the night. A deep solemnity hangs in the air, dampening any semblance of good cheer like wet leaves on a dwindling fire. No one offers any conversation, Apollo’s reservoir of quips has run dry. Everyone’s wondering where they’ll be going from here, pondering the sort of person they are in circumstances such as this. Do they press on towards danger, or back towards safe and familiar ground. It’s a question they’ll have to figure out for themselves, ideally before sunrise.
I already have questions of my own.
About an hour after Rob’s departure, bidding fair well to the rest of the group, I walk over to Lilith and Eve’s car. My bag is resting on the front seat, a black wire leading inside from the charging port. I’ve decided not to tell the pair that I’ve been charging the detonator for a military grade explosive less than ten metres away from them. Perhaps it will come out during broadcast. If you’re listening to this, sorry girls.
I pick up my bag and, checking that no one’s looking, make a beeline for the apple grove. I march through the small wood, the air growing still, the sounds of the convoy quickly fading behind me. In the late evening darkness, with the moon shrouded by legion of crooked trees, I’m puzzled that I’m not more afraid. I’ve seen what happens on this road and, as I pass through the grove and into the neighbouring field, intentionally isolating myself from the rest of the group, I'm quite aware that help won’t be coming for me. Even so, as the corn rises up in every direction around me, I find myself almost incapable of fear. The day's events have drained me of emotion, and I'm now with everything else pulled away, I’m left with only one driving directive; an overpowering urge to figure this road out, regardless of what that entails.
Judging the distance I’ve traveled to be acceptably out of range from the convoy, I take the block of C4 out of my bag and place it on the ground. Gritting my teeth, my body cringing with self-inflicted dread, I press the power button on the Nokia and wait for something to happen. My worries of instant disintegration are allayed slightly as the grainy image of two outstretched hands comes into view, swiftly replaced by a menu screen.
I work fast, the words on the brown paper package constantly reminding me of what I’m putting at risk with every passing second.
Firstly, I type my number own number into the phone, assuming, or at least hoping, that the mechanism isn’t activated by outgoing calls. A few seconds later my cell phone rings, giving me the Nokia’s number. Checking the call logs, I find a second, different number, which seems to have made a call to the phone three times in quick succession. If I were a betting woman, which I sometimes am, I’d suggest that this number belongs to whoever built the bomb, the calls representing an attempt to test the trigger prior to its implementation. If I’m right, then this should be the personal number of whoever was driving that crashed car.
My third discovery, is a little bit more puzzling. No texts have been sent from this phone, however there is one solitary message residing in the phone’s inbox. It’s from a third, separate number, and it reads thus:
“Please don't do this Rob.”
I stare at those four words, the new information grating uncomfortably against my already preconceived theories. If this text is to be believed, and my previous deductions are at all accurate, then that means Rob Guthard was driving the car. That the C4 in the trunk had belonged to him. All this time I thought Rob may have been responsible for something terrible, but what if he was run off the road himself? If that is the case, it leads to an entirely new question… who was responsible for his crash?
As I begin to think it over, the air explodes around me.
I’m jolted out of my examination by a powerful, echoing voice which reverberates the very air. The corn is thrown into a frenzy as the noise echoes from every direction, as if spoken by the air itself.
VOICE: I’ve watched you questioning.
Without a second’s hesitation, I turn off the Nokia and throw the block into my bag. I jump to my feet and scan the cornfield for whoever spoke the words, backing away towards the convoy. Suddenly, realising how far I am from my friends, I break into a run, my boots pounding the dirt as I flee back to the woods.
Less than a minute later I burst out through the trees, my bag swinging with the weight of the block. Everyone’s in their cars, seemingly fast asleep. I’m starting to think they’re onto something. With no one to talk to, and a long day ahead of me, I suppose there’s no further recourse but to catch my breath, write up my immediate thoughts and then, finally, get some much needed rest.
I feel a dull pressure behind my eyes as I step towards the Wrangler. Quietly opening the back door next to my sleeping area, I carefully hide the block under my luggage. Then, silently closing the door again, I wander around to the passenger side, where my notes are waiting to be typed.
I reach out and grab the handle, gripping it tightly. I don’t open the door. In fact, after a moment staring through the glass, I let go.
The pressure behind my eyes gives way, and before I know it I’ve slid down to the damp ground, my back against the cool, hard metal of the door. A whine catches in my throat as ugly tears stream down my cheeks. My breath shudders as I inhale, and my attempt to breathe out plays to the world as a quiet, declining sob. The tears take me by surprise but I don’t wipe them away. In a bittersweet way, they’re welcome, necessary even. They carry with them a familiar sense of heartrending release. By the time they’ve run dry, I feel like I might just be able to move on from the events of the day. The sounds in my head are just a little quieter now I’ve paid them their due.
BONNIE: Are you ok honey?
I’m picking myself up when I see Bonnie walking carefully over to the Wrangler. I brush myself off, a little embarrassed at being caught.
AS: I didn’t know you were awake.
BONNIE: I’m a light sleeper, and Martin… Clyde snores. Do you need someone to talk to?
AS: I think I just need to sleep. Thanks Bonnie.
BONNIE: My name’s Linda, if you’re wondering.
AS: … Alice.
BONNIE: That’s a beautiful name. Well Alice, I know I don’t talk much, but I know how to listen… if you ever want me to.
For the first time since the pine fell, I find myself smiling. It’s a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless.
AS: Thank you Linda. I might take you up on that. Have a good night.
BONNIE:** Have a good night.
Bonnie starts to walk back to the car, before pausing and turning round. One last piece of comfort to offer.
BONNIE: And remember, everything will all be alright once we get to Wintery Bay.
I frown a little, unsure what Bonnie means. She smiles back blankly, then resumes the path back to her car. She’s mentioned that place before, upon leaving Jubilation, in what seemed like a moment of idle reminiscence. How she mentioned it just now doesn’t seem like reminiscence at all.
After everything that’s gone on, all the suspicion I’ve been directing at Rob, all my worry for Ace. Is something the matter with Bonnie?
Perhaps I’m misunderstanding, perhaps Bonnie misspoke, but all the same, the brief comfort her words afforded me has already faded away, leaving a familiar feeling of confusion and paranoia in its place.
I let myself into the passenger side, type up a few pressing notes and then climb through onto the air mattress. Sleep doesn’t come easily. I close my eyes and try to convince myself that tomorrow will be better than this harrowing day. Yet every time I make that particular argument, a voice in my head responds:
“That may depend on which way you turn.”
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(yoonseok) - trust my heart when it beats for you
ao3: (x)
Summary: Jung Hoseok has had an awkward Thing for Min Yoongi for four years of his school life. He is certain that the only thing that gets in the way of them and everlasting love is the fact that Min Yoongi doesn’t know he exists, but that all changes due to one drunken text message: a pick-up line.
Ready to flee to another country under a false identity in mortification, he finds himself ruining their blossoming friendship and confessing when Yoongi asks why Hoseok had tried to flirt with him. However, things take a turn after his confession when Yoongi starts to (awkwardly) flirt back.
Pairings: Yoonseok, Taekook and Namjin
Chapters: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5), (6), (7), (8), (9), (10), (11), (12), (13), (14), (15), (16), (17), (18), (19), (20), (21), (22), (23), (24), (25), (26)
Chapter Twenty-Seven - what does it mean when i think of you and my heart is revived?
Jung Hoseok: yoongs
Min Yoongi: hey :)
Jung Hoseok: wow! An emoji!
Jung Hoseok: i just wanted 2 say thanks 4 today
Jung Hoseok: it was amazing
Jung Hoseok: you were amazing
Min Yoongi: so were you
Min Yoongi: there’s no need to thank me
Min Yoongi: Am I not allowed to show my happiness? :(
Jung Hoseok: NO
Jung Hoseok: I MEAN YES
Jung Hoseok: yoongs ive been meaning to ask u something
Min Yoongi: yes?
Min Yoongi: You can ask me anything
Jung Hoseok: when i called u baby
Jung Hoseok: did u mind it?
Jung Hoseok: i only realised I said it after everything
Jung Hoseok: its only cuz we talked about kinks and u said it was weird
Jung Hoseok: so im really sorry if i made u uncomfortable
Jung Hoseok: i wont do it again
Jung Hoseok: im sorry
Min Yoongi: Oh
Min Yoongi: I didn’t think too much into it, I thought it was just a pet name
Min Yoongi: I assume you mean the daddy kink
Min Yoongi: So I guess you do have a daddy kink then?
Jung Hoseok: NO
Jung Hoseok: well
Jung Hoseok: idk
Jung Hoseok: i just like being on top??
Jung Hoseok: i like it when you're submissive i guess
Min Yoongi: right
Min Yoongi: Let’s talk through this, okay?
Jung Hoseok: if ure okay with it
Min Yoongi: it’s fine
Min Yoongi: what do you mean you ‘don’t know’?
Jung Hoseok: idk
Min Yoongi: Very helpful
Jung Hoseok: AHHHH im sorry!!!
Jung Hoseok: i just mean that i get why ppl think its weird
Jung Hoseok: cuz of the whole ‘dad/dy’ thing
Jung Hoseok: IM NOT INTO INCEST
Min Yoongi: Seok, I know that you don’t want to fuck your dad
Min Yoongi: I know what the daddy kink is to an extent
Min Yoongi: It’s not that weird to me, so don’t be embarrassed
Jung Hoseok: AAAAAA that made ME LAUGH BUT IT SHOULDNT HAVE!!!!!!!
Jung Hoseok: thanks Yoongs :)
Min Yoongi: it’s fine, Seok
Min Yoongi: tell me why you think you might have a daddy kink
Jung Hoseok: ok, ok, this is probs gonna be rambley so sorry
Jung Hoseok: so
Jung Hoseok: I like being in control, like i like being assertive and knowing how to make someone feel good
Jung Hoseok: i like watching someone feel good, i want to see how they react to what i do to them
Jung Hoseok: i like giving pleasure and knowing how to do so
Jung Hoseok: i like someone who gives into what i want and lets themselves feel good by my hand (or tongue or whatever) but also isn’t totally submissive
Jung Hoseok: ive never really thought about kinks before but ??? idk being with u is making me think about sexy stuff and then idk
Jung Hoseok: I think about u calling me daddy when i do stuff with u
Jung Hoseok: i want to take care of u, to make u feel so good, to make u moan, to make u think of no one but me on top of you
Jung Hoseok: it turns me on
Jung Hoseok: you turn me on
Jung Hoseok: sorry
Jung Hoseok: this took a turn, sorry
Min Yoongi: no
Min Yoongi: it’s fine
Min Yoongi: I never knew you felt like that
Min Yoongi: You probably have a daddy kink, Seok
Min Yoongi: Or you’re just an assertive top, I guess
Min Yoongi: I don’t really know that much about it
Jung Hoseok: oh
Jung Hoseok: I might maybe do
Jung Hoseok: yoongs
Jung Hoseok: if i do, is this a problem?
Jung Hoseok: obviously I won’t bring this onto you
Jung Hoseok: i don’t want u to be uncomfortable
Jung Hoseok: i’ll control myself
Jung Hoseok: are you okay?
Min Yoongi: Seok
Jung Hoseok: yes??
Min Yoongi: today
Min Yoongi: when you called me ‘baby’
Min Yoongi: I liked it
Jung Hoseok: kfge
Jung Hoseok: iowohh
Jung Hoseok: sirry
Jung Hoseok: u think u liked it?
Min Yoongi: it’s okay
Min Yoongi: I know I did
Min Yoongi: I liked you being on top, you knew exactly where to touch and what to do
Min Yoongi: I liked it when you looked at me, made me watch what you were doing
Min Yoongi: I liked it when you called me baby
Jung Hoseok: oh
Jung Hoseok: wow
Min Yoongi: yeah
Jung Hoseok: so
Jung Hoseok: do you
Jung Hoseok: maybe
Jung Hoseok: have a daddy kink?
Min Yoongi: I don’t know
Min Yoongi: I’ve never thought about it
Min Yoongi: I don’t know if I have any kinks
Min Yoongi: you’re the first person I’ve ever been with so I don’t know
Min Yoongi: I just like it when you’re in control
Jung Hoseok: oh
Min Yoongi: Seok
Min Yoongi: this doesn’t change anything, you know that, right?
Min Yoongi: You can call me ‘baby’, I don’t mind
Jung Hoseok: thanks, yoongs
Jung Hoseok: i don’t want to gross you out
Min Yoongi: you could never
Jung Hoseok: even though i swallowed????
Min Yoongi: wow
Min Yoongi: yes, even though you swallowed
Min Yoongi: Seok
Jung Hoseok: :)
Jung Hoseok: yes yoongs??
Min Yoongi: when can you next come over?
Jung Hoseok: umm I think not next week but the week after?
Jung Hoseok: why? Wanna go on our first date???
Min Yoongi: Oh, okay, cool
Min Yoongi: I hadn’t even thought of that
Min Yoongi: Yes, I’d like that
Min Yoongi: very much
Jung Hoseok: yessssss!!!!!! Ill start planning it!!!
Min Yoongi: Thank you, Seok, I can’t wait
Jung Hoseok: no problem!!! :)
Jung Hoseok: wdym u hadn’t thought of it? :(
Jung Hoseok: why did u ask when i was free??
Min Yoongi: oh
Min Yoongi: I want you
Min Yoongi: when you described what you wanted to do to me and what you liked
Min Yoongi: I got turned on
Min Yoongi: I want you to touch me again
Min Yoongi: but I can wait
Min Yoongi: I’ll do anything for you
Jung Hoseok: yoongs
Jung Hoseok: you’re making me hard just thinking about you
Jung Hoseok: I touched myself when I went down on you
Jung Hoseok: you tasted so good, you had a shower didnt you?
Jung Hoseok: you look beautiful naked
Jung Hoseok: you look beautiful clothed
Jung Hoseok: I want you to touch yourself
Jung Hoseok: I’m there with you, my hands on your body
Jung Hoseok: you feel that?
Min Yoongi: yes
Min Yoongi: yes i do
Min Yoongi: what about you?
Min Yoongi: I didn’t pay you back
Jung Hoseok: next time baby
Jung Hoseok: you can dream of what ure going to do to me
Jung Hoseok: I’ll dream of you
Jung Hoseok: I always do
Jung Hoseok: I love your voice, when you moan for me
Jung Hoseok: are you moaning now?
Jung Hoseok: you could be a singer with that voice
Jung Hoseok: but I don’t want u to share it with anyone other than me
Jung Hoseok: youre not replying but youre reading
Jung Hoseok: I can imagine you, are you laid back on the same bed I touched you on today?
Jung Hoseok: Imagine my hands on you baby, my mouth on your skin, marking you, making you mine
Jung Hoseok: do you want that? Do you want everyone to know youre mine?
Jung Hoseok: then say my name, don’t be embarrassed
Jung Hoseok: im picturing u touching yourself Yoongi
Jung Hoseok: I want to watch you do it
Jung Hoseok: I want to help you
Jung Hoseok: god look at what youre doing to me yoongs
Jung Hoseok: you made me cum today without touching me and now you’ve got me hard
Jung Hoseok: im thinking of u baby, thinking of your face when I touched u down there
Jung Hoseok: u were so wet for me yoongs, it was so hard to hold back
Jung Hoseok: im touching myself yoongs im thinking of you losing control
Jung Hoseok: stroking yourself with your top ridden up your hair a mess
Jung Hoseok: god I want to be there hearing the noises ure making
Jung Hoseok: I should have stayed
Jung Hoseok: yoongs I want u
Jung Hoseok: so much
Jung Hoseok: look at what ure making me do yoongs
Jung Hoseok: I cant believe u thought id leave you
Jung Hoseok: im nothing with you yoongs you mean everything to me
Jung Hoseok: when you cum I want you to say my name
Jung Hoseok: because you’re mine
Jung Hoseok: not jinsoos not anyone elses but mine
Min Yoongi: I came
Min Yoongi: just now
Jung Hoseok: I haven’t yet
Jung Hoseok: yoongs
Jung Hoseok: send a pic
Jung Hoseok: I don’t care of what, anything will do as long as its u
Min Yoongi: it’s embarrassing
Min Yoongi: but you helped me, so I’ll help you
Jung Hoseok: thank u
Jung Hoseok: did u say my name?
Min Yoongi: yes
Min Yoongi: I’m yours
Min Yoongi: (picture attached)
Min Yoongi: it’s embarrassing
Jung Hoseok: oh fuck
Jung Hoseok: is that u right now baby?
Jung Hoseok: lying there all messy
Jung Hoseok: its not embarrassing its hot
Jung Hoseok: youre so hot yoongs
Min Yoongi: you’re hotter
Min Yoongi: do you want me to stay with you until you come?
Jung Hoseok: yh
Jung Hoseok: say something
Jung Hoseok: dirty
Jung Hoseok: record it
Jung Hoseok: please
Min Yoongi: (voice attachment)
Min Yoongi: my voice is gross, sorry
Jung Hoseok: yoongs do u know how hot your deep voice is?
Jung Hoseok: didn’t know you thought like that yoongs
Jung Hoseok: I like it
Jung Hoseok: im almost there
Min Yoongi: when you come, say my name
Min Yoongi: you’re mine
Jung Hoseok: I am I am
Jung Hoseok: id worship you Yoongi fuck look what ure doing to me
Jung Hoseok: i came
Min Yoongi: you’re perfect, Seok
Min Yoongi: I’ll be there next time
Min Yoongi: I’ll pay you back
Jung Hoseok: yoongs youre too good to me
Jung Hoseok: I feel icky
Jung Hoseok: but really good
Min Yoongi: ‘icky’?
Min Yoongi: so do I
Min Yoongi: I’m going to clean up
Min Yoongi: thank you, Seok
Jung Hoseok: it’s a valid word!!
Jung Hoseok: same here
Jung Hoseok: thank you, yoongs :)
Jung Hoseok: yoongs
Min Yoongi: yes?
Jung Hoseok: why didn’t we call each other?
Min Yoongi: oh
Min Yoongi: I forgot
Min Yoongi: you were typing and I read it in your voice
Jung Hoseok: oh hahahaha
Jung Hoseok: this way ull have it forever
Jung Hoseok: so if im not there and ure lonely u can read it :)
Min Yoongi: gross
Jung Hoseok: im joking!!!!!!
Jung Hoseok: I’ll always be here
Jung Hoseok: anything for you yoongs
Jung Hoseok: you know that right??
Min Yoongi: yeah
Min Yoongi: yeah, I do
Min Yoongi: thank you, Seok
Min Yoongi: I’ll always be here for you, too
Sunday was fairly uneventful. Yoongi’s parents didn’t return until late at night, and his brother was still at college which left Yoongi to his own devices with no distraction from Hoseok to provide him with any real entertainment. He spent the majority of the day watching make-up tutorials and researching piano score sheets to practice on his own. It was refreshing to play again, he felt like he were a little kid whose biggest problem was that he didn’t like the fruit that his mum packed in his lunchbox. However, this time he tackled practice with a matured and more determined attitude, although he still may have cursed when his fingers slipped.
It was early Monday morning when he received a text from Jeongguk, Yoongi was just about to clamber onto the school bus. He headed towards his usual seat in the middle of the bus, and positioned himself next to the window before opening the message.
‘Tae said he wants to talk to me? he wants to meet after school at that western restaurant me and u used to go to. Do I say yes? He’s ignored me for over a week’.
Yoongi frowned in bewilderment. Taehyung was reaching out to Jeongguk after so long? What was the purpose behind it? He had the sudden urge to grill Hoseok but refrained from doing so as he knew that Hoseok would probably rather die than betray his friends’ secrets.
‘Ask him what he wants first. It’s weird he’s messaging you now’. Yoongi replied with and then eagerly awaited a response.
He didn’t have to wait too long. ‘Okay, i just did, and he said ‘to apologise’. Yoongs what do I do?’
Yoongi found himself at a loss, Taehyung wanted to say sorry for his behaviour which most likely required an explanation. Jeongguk had nothing to lose and everything to gain, from his perspective at least. ‘Agree to meet with him and demand an explanation.’
‘Ok ok ok I just did and he said he’ll tell me everything. I’m oddly nervous. He makes me so nervous I almost forgot holy shit.’
Yoongi guffawed and had to hide his laughter into his hand. ‘make sure you turn up then. And don’t worry, you probably do the same to him.’ It was a struggle not to correct ‘probably’ with ‘definitely’.
Jeongguk responded with a variety of emoji’s which Yoongi interpreted correctly to be satire. He smiled and shook his head at the younger boy’s attitude as the bus halted at the bus stop outside of the school. Yoongi remembered that he had agreed to meet Hoseok near the courts before the bell rang and his heart folded inside of his chest.
Everything that Hoseok had confessed to him on Saturday had been replaying on his mind consistently. His heart throbbed almost painfully with the fondness that Hoseok held for him. It was entirely overwhelming and completely staggering to be showered with adoration from a boy who was the definition of perfection itself. Yoongi wondered whether Hoseok knew how amazing he was, how much he occupied Yoongi’s mind and heart. Hoseok had re-kindled the spark of passion in him for music, a passion that he had let die, and had also aroused a ravenous hunger for Hoseok and his touches. Yoongi pondered whether Hoseok was aware just how much he meant to Yoongi - he wanted to show Hoseok, whether it be through words of through actions. Hoseok had re-birthed him into someone he was profusely happy to be.
Suddenly, inspiration cascaded over him, bleeding into his veins and feeding his heart. He had an idea to show Hoseok how much he meant to Yoongi, he would need time, though. And a lot of patience. But he was certain that he could do it, after all, Yoongi had told Hoseok the truth. That he would do anything for him.
“Hey, Yoongs!” Namjoon called him over to the courts when he was walking past the field where Jeongguk was playing football with a group of people in his year. Yoongi’s eyes drifted past Namjoon and focussed on the figure next to him. The same figure that had undressed him and had leant over him, causing him pleasure that was sapped from heaven itself and bestowed it onto him. Hoseok was watching him and Yoongi was fairly assured that Hoseok was thinking along the same lines as he was as he spied through the mesh fence that Hoseok had licked his lips whilst watching him.
Yoongi entered the gate to the courts and approached the two, removing his earphones from his ears and wrapping the wire around his phone. “Don’t be so loud in the morning, it’s not healthy.”
Namjoon simply smiled at him, raising a visible eyebrow over the frames of his glasses. “I think you just don’t want me to be happy.” Yoongi raised an eyebrow back at him as if to say, ‘you’re exactly right’. Namjoon laughed, nudged him with an elbow.
Yoongi returned a smile, his heart warm. He was over the moon that he and Namjoon had managed to restore their friendship ever since he and Hoseok had begun their relationship. He had confided in Namjoon first, not wanting to seem as though he were dragging Jeongguk’s face through the dirt by confessing that he was in a relationship whilst Jeongguk struggled with his situation involving Taehyung. After Yoongi admitted to having taken Namjoon’s advice, Namjoon’s face had broken into an unbelievably wide grin and had pulled Yoongi into a hug, congratulating him on his bravery.
Yoongi was significantly aware that Hoseok was watching he and Namjoon jousting. He could feel Hoseok’s eyes running over him and could hear Hoseok’s quiet intake of breath when Yoongi turned his head to look at him.
“Hey,” Yoongi greeted, a shy smile seeping onto his face when he heard how quiet his voice was and noticed how intense Hoseok’s gaze was.
“Hey,” Hoseok responded, his tone equally as soft but his smile wide and his eyes warm, latching onto Yoongi’s as the golden sunshine poured down on them.
Yoongi had almost forgotten that Namjoon was standing in their proximity. “I was just telling Hoseok about this weekend - Jin told me that he was going to meet up with Taehyung and Hoseok, and he asked if it would be alright for all of us to officially meet.” Namjoon smiled, but it was too distant to be directed at Yoongi. “He’s really interested in meeting you guys, he didn’t get to last year so he wants to make up for lost time.”
It was strange to see the cool, calm and collected Namjoon be so completely love-struck, but it was refreshing as well.
“It sounds great, Namjoon,” Hoseok said earnestly, ripping his eyes away from Yoongi’s long enough to direct his attention at the person he was talking to. “I honestly don’t mind it. It’s the first time we’ve all hung out, and I want to get to know Yoongi’s friends better.”
At Hoseok’s words a bright smile had flashed across Yoongi’s face which Namjoon caught instantly. Namjoon smiled back, a knowing glint in his eyes. “Thanks, Hoseok, that means a lot – and I’m sure it means a lot to Yoongs, here, as well.” Hoseok turned to Yoongi with a gleamingly bright grin, Yoongi turned his back slightly and made to observe the football game Jeongguk was partaking in that was playing out on the field. “Does anyone know if Jimin will be available?”
Yoongi caught Hoseok’s uncertain glance and he cast his eyes down at his shoes. “I haven’t heard from him. I think...” He paused, mentally deciding whether he was allowed to tell Namjoon the truth. He realised that Namjoon was Jimin’s friend too, and would definitely want to be in the know as to whether Jimin was alright. “I think he’s trying to sort himself out.”
Namjoon watched him carefully. “So, I take it that you’ve talked to him, then?”
Yoongi registered the slight hurt in his voice and words blundered around in his mind trying to shove themselves together to form an explanation.
“We both did,” Hoseok jumped to his aid. “We weren’t purposefully trying to leave you out – Jimin wanted to talk to Yoongi, probably to apologise about what had happened at the club, but I wanted to come with; I wanted to know why Jimin was avoiding all of us.” Namjoon nodded slowly, and Hoseok continued. “I’m sorry, I should have invited you – and Jeongguk, too. You’re both Jimin’s friends, you both deserve to know what’s going on. But, I don’t think me or Yoongs can tell you.”
Hoseok was standing close enough to touch, to cling onto his hand, but he refrained from doing so. His heart was jumping wildly inside of his chest as Hoseok had lent him support without him asking. Hoseok really did care about him, and although he very much appreciated Hoseok telling him so, it was rejuvenating to hear it through different means. Yoongi very badly wanted to do the same for Hoseok and he found some comfort in the fact that he already had an idea how to do so.
“‘Seok!” Someone was calling for Hoseok’s attention. The three turned towards the noise and found a rather frantic Taehyung on the opposite side of the fence, gesturing desperately for Hoseok to join him.
Hoseok waved back and yelled at him to ‘wait up’. He turned to them rather sheepishly. “Sorry,” he smiled weakly. “We should make a group chat? To talk about this weekend?”
“Oh, god,” Namjoon groaned and Yoongi snickered, getting at what he was insinuating. “This is going to get messy.”
Hoseok laughed in agreement. “Exactly! I can’t wait! I’ll make it tonight.” Yoongi’s hand received a familiar warmth. He looked to find Hoseok gazing at him, adoration woven into his smile. He squeezed Yoongi’s hand. “Talk to you in History.”
“Yeah,” Yoongi breathed out, his hand tightening around Hoseok’s before loosening his grip and allowing Hoseok to leave, his eyes never leaving Hoseok’s. “History...” He murmured faintly once Hoseok had quirked his lips into his signature enthused smile and waved goodbye before running out of the courts to meet Taehyung.
There was a brief silence before Namjoon guffawed and then let out a burst of laughter. Yoongi glared at him but couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. “What?” He demanded, struggling to keep down a laugh of his own.
“Nothing, it’s nothing,” Namjoon bluffed, his voice coming out in gasps before his laughter sobered. He shot Yoongi a sheepish glance. “It’s just I’ve never seen you so – so...”
“‘So’ what?” Yoongi challenged without threat, his smile imminent.
“So soft,” Namjoon finished, reaching to pinch at Yoongi’s cheeks. Yoongi tried to scowl but feared it came out in a grimace and moved away. “It’s adorable, really. The way he defended you was impeccable! He really likes you, Yoongs.”
Yoongi flushed. “I know. He told me.”
Namjoon’s eyebrows rose and impressive amount of centimetres. “Wow. I’m really glad you’re being open about your feelings. You said it back, right?”
“Of course!” Yoongi defended, and then pretended not to glow when the bell rang as it signalled two whole hours he would be spending with Hoseok.
“So, how far have you two gone?” Namjoon asked casually once the two exited the courts and was out of earshot of any potential eavesdroppers. Yoongi spluttered with shock, his face turning ruddy at the aptness of Namjoon’s questioning. How had Namjoon known?
Namjoon laughed again, poking Yoongi in the ribs. “You don’t have to tell me. It was just so obvious! The way he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you, and the way you greeted each other like young lovers – I feel like I’m in a rom-com.”
Yoongi fell silent in mortification, thrown at Namjoon’s interpretation of the briefest of their actions. He was glad that Namjoon’s goal was to become a psychologist; that way Namjoon would be too busy reading other people to pay attention to him. Namjoon’s interpretations of others were no longer a thrill to listen to; they were becoming too accurate. Scarily accurate.
Yoongi hadn’t expected the school day to be that stressful but as he arrived back home with a stack of homework and the lectures from his teachers about applying to the right university, he resigned himself to sitting at his desk the whole night with stress surging through his system.
He had finished his Science homework and had begun researching universities, silently having a breakdown because what the fuck – he had to decide his whole future now? What did he even want to do with his life? Fortunately, his phone began buzzing persistently and distracted him from his existential crises. He checked the caller ID and was pleased to see it was Jeongguk – someone without the pressures of having to decide their fate in a span of a few months.
“Hey,” he answered, grateful for the distraction. A mutilated screech filled his eardrum and he gasped in pain, holding the phone away from his ear. “What the fuck?”
“YoongsIdiditIaskedTaehyungoutIcan’tbelieveIdidthat-”
“Whoa, whoa, what?” Yoongi tried to get Jeongguk to slow down. “Was that even a language? Did you meet up with Taehyung?”
A shuddery breath was breathed into his ear as he leant back on his chair. “Sorry, Yoongs. I kinda don’t know what to do with myself.”
“Start from the beginning,” Yoongi instructed. “Did you go and see Taehyung?”
Jeongguk, on the end of the line, must have collapsed onto a chair as there was a sound of furniture squeaking. “Yes, I did. I was thinking about it the whole day, and I had figured out what I was going to say and everything, but when I met him after school at the bus stop all of the words just – I didn’t know what to say.” Yoongi snorted and Jeongguk shushed him.
“He said that it was nice to talk to me again, and I realised that I had no idea what I was doing but it was okay because I was with him – does that make sense?” Yoongi felt a stirring in his heart as the image of Hoseok flashed across his mind, but he didn’t get a chance to agree as Jeongguk continued on. “So I said, ‘likewise’, and he laughed. Have you ever wanted to drown in someone’s laughter because it’s the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard?” Yet again, Jeongguk didn’t give Yoongi the opportunity to answer affirmatively as he swiftly carried on with his story.
“Tae was really nice from the outset, he paid for my bus ticket to town and he kept telling me stories about his family and stuff that his dog does. It was so calming just sitting there and listening to him, I could have sat there forever. He has this little smile when he remembers something funny, and then he would turn to me and that smile would get bigger and I wanted to kiss so badly him, Yoongs, but I couldn’t.” Yoongi smiled and didn’t dare interject; he knew that feeling all too well and had only first started to experience it a few weeks back.
“So, we get to town and we’re walking so close together – at one point I think he’s trying to hold my hand, but he’s trying to stop my phone from falling out of my pocket. And when we get to the restaurant he holds the door open for me, and I don’t think I’ve ever been in more pain, his smile was – was – ethereal.”
“Oh, nice word,” Yoongi commented, running his eyes over a prestigious university before clicking off the page. There was no way that he would ever acquire the grades to be accepted, he would have to aim lower.
“Thanks, Yoongs. Anyway, after we order he tells me that he’s been wanting to talk to me for a long time – and that he’s ‘really, really, really glad’ that we started talking in the first place, to which I agreed with – but he couldn’t talk for the last few weeks because he was ‘going through a situation’... He told me about Jimin, Yoongs.” Yoongi remained silent, unsure of what to say. “It’s okay, Yoongs, don’t feel bad. I know you couldn’t tell me. But Jimin told Tae that he could tell me, so Tae said that he barely talked to anyone because he was stressing about Jimin. That’s what he said anyway.” Jeongguk didn’t sound convinced.
“You don’t believe him?”
Jeongguk sighed and Yoongi’s phone shuddered at the plosive volume. “I don’t know. I’m not sure, it’s just when he was telling me he seemed... off? Like, there was something else he wasn’t saying. Anyway, he said that he was extremely sorry and that he would do whatever it took to restore what ‘we had’, if I was willing.” There was a note of tension in Jeongguk’s voice and Yoongi tensed in anticipation. “One of the things I noticed was that he didn’t say ‘friendship’ was the only thing we had between us, and I remembered when we went to that club and we were dancing – the waywe were dancing, it just didn’t... It didn’t feel platonic.”
Yoongi hummed in agreement, recalling a fragmented image of how Taehyung and Jeongguk had been practically wrapped around each other on the dance floor.
“So...” Jeongguk started and then let out a nervous bout of laughter. “So, I thought to myself: I want him, and right now I think he wants me, so what do I have to lose? Obviously, I was ignoring the soul-crushing fear of rejection.” Yoongi laughed loudly along with Jeongguk and then silenced himself, looking forward to hearing the continuation.
“I...” Jeongguk sounded hesitant, then he cleared his throat and Yoongi heard the squeak of a chair. “I asked him what sort of things he had in mind to make it up to me, and he said ‘anything’, so...” Yoongi awaited eagerly with baited breath. “I told him, ‘how about you let me take you on a date?”
Yoongi let out a low whistle and Jeongguk laughed into his ear. “I didn’t know you had lines, ‘Guk.”
“Oh, be quiet,” Jeongguk teased. “I haven’t got to the best bit, yet, so don’t interrupt!” Yoongi mock-tutted at Jeongguk’s attitude but abided by his request. “Right, so after I say that – and then wanted to die because that was probably one of the most cringe-y things I’ve ever said – he just looked at me for a solid five seconds before leaning in, and smirking, and he said, ‘how about we not wait and count this as our first date?’”
“Wow,” Yoongi drew out in disbelief, excitement bubbled within him as he imagined Jeongguk’s incredibility towards the whole situation. He was ecstatic that things seemed to be moving forwards between the two of them; they had been smitten for years.
“I know!” Jeongguk practically yelled, his voice breaking. “Somehow I managed not to faint and I said, ‘I’d like that’, and that I’d pay because he paid last time. And then he smiled, and we started talking about everything and anything, really." He paused. "Yoongs,” he started, his voice muffled.
“Yeah?” Yoongi answered, intrigued.
“He told me that Jimin moved back into his parents’ house after he met up with his mum. I think... I think it’s going well for him.” Happiness seeped into Jeongguk’s voice which caused the same emotion to fizz within Yoongi at the news.
“I’m glad to hear that. I was worried,” Yoongi admitted. “I’m really happy for you, ‘Guk, I’m glad that Taehyung feels the same.”
“Well, I don’t really know,” Jeongguk began, his voice hesitant. “We talked about our next date – which is this Sunday, the day after we meet up with Hoseok and all of his friends – but we didn’t talk about our feelings. I don’t know if he feels the same for certain.”
“Oh,” Yoongi floundered, his mind stuck. “Message him.”
“You said the same thing about Chunhei,” Jeongguk chuckled. Yoongi’s mind scampered to place the name with the person and remembered, Jeongguk’s ex-girlfriend. Oh. Right. “It’s impersonal. I’d rather do it in person, so I’ll try on Sunday.”
“Still, it’s something, isn’t it?” Yoongi offered to try and redeem himself. “He turned your meet up into a date and agreed to go on another one. Don’t think about it as getting your hopes up, and think confidently. He likes you, ‘Guk.” It was advice that he wished he could have believed in when Hoseok had first confessed his feelings to him, Yoongi had second-guessed every single one of his own actions when he had begun to like Hoseok back.
He didn’t need to see Jeongguk to know that he was smiling. “Thanks, Yoongs. You’re a good friend.”
Yoongi was sure that the warmth in his chest had nothing to do with the heat radiating from the radiator in his room. He felt extraordinarily blessed by every person he was surrounded by. Yoongi longed for a future where it could be so, him and Hoseok happy together, along with Namjoon, Seokjin, Jeongguk and Taehyung. It felt right. Like it was meant to be.
(Jung Hoseok formed a chat)
(Jung Hoseok has invited you, Kim Taehyung, Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Jeon Jeongguk and Park Jimin to the chat.)
(Jung Hoseok has named the chat: saturdays loser-fest)
Kim Seokjin: I’m not a loser :(
(Jung Hoseok has named the chat: saturdays cool-fest minus Jin cuz he’s a loser)
Kim Seokjin: we haven’t spoken in a month and this is how you treat me?
Jung Hoseok: maybe if u werent such a loser id be nicer :)
Kim Seokjin: It’s been a month and you haven’t learnt grammar. This makes me sad
Kim Namjoon: I can’t believe you ever held such grand expectations for him.
Kim Seokjin: I didn’t, I lied ;)
Jung Hoseok: GET A ROOM!!!!!!!!!!
Jung Hoseok: and RUDE!!!! :(
Kim Seokjin: We were on our own chatROOM until you interrupted us!
Jung Hoseok: fine go back to it then i didnt wanna see u this saturday anyway :)
Kim Namjoon: I take personal offence.
Jung Hoseok: Namjoon pls stop with the fullstops it makes me nervous
Kim Namjoon: Why.?.
Kim Namjoon: Does grammar offend you so badly?.
Kim Namjoon: .
Jung Hoseok: i rate you the worst out of yoongs friends
Kim Namjoon: :(
Kim Seokjin: hey, back off of my man!
Jung Hoseok: thats not how young ppl talk
Kim Seokjin: Okay, now I remember why I didn’t talk to you for a month
Jung Hoseok: ????? why ever not im an angel :)
Min Yoongi: you’re really not
Kim Namjoon: ooooohh drama
Kim Seokjin: brb I’m getting popcorn
Jung Hoseok: u guys are officially the worst, u deserve each other
Jung Hoseok: yoongs why are u being mean????? :(
Jeon Jeongguk: Hoseok, why can’t you type?
Kim Seokjin: OOOOH! SHOTS FIRED
Jung Hoseok: again thATS NOT HOW YOUNG PPL TALK!!!!!!!!!!!
Kim Seokjin: Joon, please hit him when you see him tomorrow
Kim Namjoon: Will do, I’ll defend your honour
Jeon Jeongguk: Just a warning for Joon, if you send any of your poetry on this group chat, I’m leaving
Jung Hoseok: POETRY????? JIN U DIDN’T TELL ME THIS
Jung Hoseok: also don’t worry Jeongguk ill kick them out if they do
Kim Seokjin: It’s not my job to tell you every detail of our relationship, dear :)
Kim Namjoon: You just confirmed it on purpose, didn’t you?
Kim Seokjin: maybe :)
Kim Seokin: maybe I want everyone to know how sweet my boyfriend is :)
Kim Namjoon: the amount of smiley-faces tells me otherwise, it tells me you want me to suffer.
Jung Hoseok: NAMJOON PLEASE STOP WITH THE STOPS
Jung Hoseok: yoongs don’t think i cant see u lurking and not replying to my question: why am i not an angel????
Min Yoongi: I was just reading the messages
Jung Hoseok: did u see them all ganging up against me?????
Min Yoongi: yeah
Jung Hoseok: :)
Min Yoongi: I laughed
Jung Hoseok: :(
Kim Seokjin: PAWWWWNED
Jung Hoseok: i will kill you
Kim Namjoon: and I won’t stop him.
Kim Seokjin: Why is my boyfriend so mean?
Jung Hoseok: why is MY boyfriend so mean??????? :(
Jeon Jeongguk: wait, are you guys officially dating?
Min Yoongi: oh, shit, Guk, I’m sorry
Min Yoongi: I didn’t tell you
Min Yoongi: I’ll tell you why on private
Jung Hoseok: oops
Jung Hoseok: did i fuck up???
Min Yoongi: No, Seok, don’t worry, it’s my fault
Min Yoongi: I’ll be back soon
Jung Hoseok: ill miss u
Kim Seokjin: GET A ROOM!
Kim Namjoon: GET A ROOM!
Kim Seokjin: Joon, care to explain why you’re stealing my words?
Kim Namjoon: That freaked me out, too.
Kim Namjoon: Maybe it’s because I know you so well?
Kim Taehyung: I come online to find everyone flirting, can I join in?
Kim Seokjin: No
Kim Taehyung: ...t a problem??? WOW THANKS! <3
Kim Taehyung: Seok you looked really nice today ;)
Kim Taehyung: Jin I didnt see you but I assume you looked nice today ;)
Kim Seokjin: Is this how you flirt with that kid you told me about a year back? It’s disgusting
Jung Hoseok: Jin can u send us some poetry that Namjoon sent u
Jung Hoseok: Namjoon do I have permission to call u Joon cuz we’re defo gonna be bonding after this
Kim Namjoon: Jin, if you do that I will break up with you.
Kim Namjoon: You can, but that sounded very ominous.
Jung Hoseok: omfg no please dont break up Joon might write some sad poetry:(
Kim Namjoon: Any chance of us becoming close just crumbled away.
Jung Hoseok: im sorry!!!!!
Kim Taehyung: Seok, why dont you tell everyone that haiku you wrote about Yoongi in the fourth year?
Jung Hoseok: i fucking hate u Kim Taehyung
Kim Taehyung: thats a shame because I love you <33333
Kim Namjoon: Oh? You know what, Hoseok, you should share your haiku.
Jung Hoseok: JIGKW I HATE U ALL
Jung Hoseok: u know what??? Fine, I will!!! Im not ashamed of it because I love
Jung Hoseok: love it
Jung Hoseok: I love the haiku because it’s nostalgic
Jung Hoseok: and im not ashamed of it being about yoongs because yoongs is my bae
Kim Seokjin: That’s not how young people talk
Jung Hoseok: I curse you and your work-out routine
Kim Taehyung: omg, Seok do you still have it??
Jung Hoseok: should do
Jung Hoseok: but heres the deal!!!
Jung Hoseok: if I send the haiku, Jin sends one of the poems Joon wrote for him!!!
Kim Taehyung: oooOOH I love this!!!
Kim Namjoon: Jin. If you want me to come to yours on Sunday you will not give in.
Kim Seokjin: (Picture attachment)
Kim Seokjin: Oops! My hand slipped!
Kim Namjoon: WHY.
Jung Hoseok: O H MY GODODODO
Jung Hoseok: ARE U SEEING THIS TAE???
Kim Taehyung: sorry, I blacked out after, ‘you’re the only one, it’s you my heart has won’
Jung Hoseok: (Picture attachment)
Jung Hoseok: ACTUAL PICTURE OF ME RN
Kim Taehyung: oh MY GOD, ARE YOU CRYING???
Jung Hoseok: OF LAUGHTER
Kim Taehyung: I’m so glad! I was gonna say if you liked this you’re so weird
Kim Seokjin: Oh? Really now?
Kim Taehyung: SHIT
Kim Namjoon: For the record, I wrote that a year ago.
Kim Taehyung: I’m sure you can do loads better now!
Jung Hoseok: omg tae are u trying to win Joons favour? JIN!! TAES TRYING TO STEAL YOUR BOYFRIEND!!!!
Kim Seokjin: Put your hands up, Tae!
Kim Taehyung: NEVER!
Kim Taehyung: while we’re here, the real question is: Jin, did you ever write poems back?
Jung Hoseok: there is silence
Jung Hoseok: OJIGKN HE DID!!!
Min Yoongi: We’re back
Min Yoongi: What’s going on?
Jung Hoseok: yoongs I missed u
Jung Hoseok: SCROLL BACK UP OKRGLW
Min Yoongi: I missed you, too
Min Yoongi: Okay
Kim Taehyung: holy shit, you two are married
Jeon Jeongguk: you two are so whipped
Jung Hoseok: whOA, the telepathy twins are here!!!!
Kim Taehyung: hey, ‘Guk :)
Jeon Jeongguk: hey, Tae
Jung Hoseok: is it just me OR IS IT GETTING STEAMY IN HERE
Kim Taehyung: Hoseok shut up.
Jung Hoseok: oh sorry
Kim Seokjin: Joon, you still are coming to mine this Sunday, right?
Kim Namjoon: It depends.
Kim Seokjin: On?
Kim Namjoon: Will you wear what I bought you?
Jung Hoseok: O EWIUFJKNK
Jeon Jeongguk: Is this kinky? I think it’s kinky
Kim Seokjin: Of course, I’ll wear it
Kim Namjoon: Then I’m all yours
Kim Seokjin: I’m yours
Jung Hoseok: WOW OH JEEZ PEOPLE WE HAVE MINORS HERE
Jung Hoseok: Jeongguk look away!!!!
Kim Namjoon: It backfired, Hoseok. My poems worked.
Jung Hoseok: ?????
Kim Namjoon: Question, Hoseok: Did your haiku get you laid?
Jung Hoseok: O MY GODDDDOOODOD
Min Yoongi: it might
Jung Hoseok: YOONGS GET OFF THE CHAT NOW
Kim Seokjin: I think he’d rather get you off, Seok
Jung Hoseok: choke. Actually choke
Kim Namjoon: Oh, I’ve got that covered.
Kim Taehyung: I feel like I’m reading R 18 smut
Jeon Jeongguk: Am I watching porn right now?
Kim Taehyung: oh
Jeon Jeongguk: hi again
Kim Taehyung: we need to stop doing this hahaha :)
Jeon Jeongguk: We should, but I guess our minds are connected now hahaha
Jung Hoseok: IT KEEPS GETTING WORSE
Jung Hoseok: YOONGS???
Min Yoongi: yes?
Kim Seokjin: Now your boyfriend’s here, Seok, I think it’s only fair you keep your part of the bargain and send your haiku :)
Kim Namjoon: God, I love you, babe.
Jung Hoseok: ok i think this its time that u two GO AWAY
Kim Namjoon: Never.
Min Yoongi: Seok, you should always keep your word
Kim Seokjin: Yoongi, I don’t know you very well, but I love you
Kim Seokjin: [your picture is so cute, by the way, I can see why Seok likes you :)]
Jung Hoseok: ummm excuse me but stop flirting with my boyfriend!!!!
Jung Hoseok: also yoongs is so much more than his beautiful appearance u loser
Min Yoongi: Thanks, Seokjin
Min Yoongi: You were always the most handsome guy in your year, I remember that
Min Yoongi: Also, Seok, trying to butter me up won’t change anything
Min Yoongi: you owe me a three year old haiku
Kim Seokjin: aww, you know just what to say, thank you :)
Kim Taehyung: Seok, listen to your boyfriend and send it
Jeon Jeongguk: I agree, please do
Kim Namjoon: Do it.
Kim Namjoon: Yoongs, make a threat.
Min Yoongi: If Seok doesn’t actually want to send it, he doesn’t have to
Min Yoongi: I don’t want to make a threat
Jung Hoseok: SORRY IM BACK I FOUND IT
Jung Hoseok: (Picture attachment)
Jung Hoseok: aww yoongs its fine i want the people to see how much I love
Jung Hoseok: love this haiku and the memories it brings :’)
Kim Taehyung: what the hell, Seok
Kim Taehyung: I don’t remember it being this sweet??
Jeon Jeongguk: that was actually pretty good, Hoseok
Kim Seokjin: Jung Hoseok. You never told me about this talent!
Kim Seokjin: It’s good, isn’t it, Joon?
Kim Namjoon: I’m
Kim Namjoon: You
Kim Taehyung: SEOK! I THINK YOU BROKE NAMJOON!!
Jeon Jeongguk: Namjoon is currently malfunctioning
Jeon Jeongguk: Okay, we need to stop saying the same thing
Kim Taehyung: hahahaha :)
Kim Namjoon: That was good.
Kim Namjoon: I’m being serious, Seok – can I call you that?
Kim Namjoon: That was three years ago and you liked Yoongs that much?
Jung Hoseok: wait what really all of u like it
Jung Hoseok: ?????
Jung Hoseok: ah sorry yes Joon you can call me Seok
Jung Hoseok: i cant believe this oh wowooo
Min Yoongi: Hoseok
Jung Hoseok: oh god
Kim Taehyung: THE FINAL JUDGEMENT IS HERE PEOPLE
Jung Hoseok: hi yoongs
Jung Hoseok: please don’t dump me im so sorry its so cringey and really weird
Min Yoongi: I love
Min Yoongi: it
Min Yoongi: your haiku was really good
Min Yoongi: I’m really impressed
Min Yoongi: I didn’t know you could write like that
Jung Hoseok: oh
Jung Hoseok: you really liked it??
Jung Hoseok: that makes me so happy
Min Yoongi: I didn’t know you felt that strongly back then
Min Yoongi: I don’t really know what to say
Min Yoongi: I wish I could repay you
Kim Taehyung: Um Namjoon
Jeon Jeongguk: It looks like the haiku CAN get Hoseok laid
Kim Taehyung: ‘Guk I’m convinced that we were separated at birth
Kim Seokjin: I think that would be incest
Kim Namjoon: Maybe I should start writing haiku’s.
Kim Seokjin: You don’t need to do that to get laid, just say the word
Kim Seokjin: Where’s Seok?
Kim Namjoon: You can’t just say things like that and expect to get away with it.
Jeon Jeongguk: this is getting kinky again
Jung Hoseok: Yoongs, you honestly don’t need to do anything in return, having you is enough already, I’ve got everything I’ve wanted for seven years and that’s never going to change. It means so much to me that you like my cringey haiku, it means so much to me that you care about my feelings when you said I didn’t have to send it. You mean so much to me, I want you to know that, Yoongs, and I can’t wait for our first date next Saturday, I really hope you’ll like it. And I was thinking that if you still wanted to, you could come to mine on the Sunday after the date? I’ll do something about my parents and my sister, so it’ll just be us. I want you in my room, Yoongs, I want you on my bed and I never want you to leave
Kim Taehyung: UM
Jung Hoseok: IWOPJWEK OH MY GOD
Jung Hoseok: WRONG CHAT HOLY SHIT
Jung Hoseok: I WAS LITERALLY ABOUT TO SEND THE SECOND PART OF THAT MESSAGE
Jung Hoseok: TAE YOU SAVED MY LIFE
Kim Taehyung: there wasn’t much to save
Kim Taehyung: I need to clean my eyes
Kim Seokjin: Joon, forget about the haiku’s and the dirty poems, can you write smut like Seok was about to?
Kim Namjoon: Why write it when I can do it to you, babe?
Jung Hoseok: I HATE YOU GUYS OMFG YOONGS IM SO SORRY
Jung Hoseok: YOONGS CAN U EVER FORGIVE ME
Min Yoongi: Seok
Min Yoongi: I just got your other message
Min Yoongi: Go onto private
Min Yoongi: Now
Jung Hoseok: oh god yes
Kim Taehyung: oh, that’s disgusting
Jeon Jeongguk: gross
Kim Seokjin: Joon
Kim Namjoon: Yes, baby?
Kim Seokjin: Private, now, please? :)
Kim Namjoon: Finally.
Jeon Jeongguk: is it just us left?
Kim Taehyung: And Jimin, but I don’t think he’s been using his phone
Jeon Jeongguk: Oh, I see
Jeon Jeongguk: No one even talked about the time we’re supposed to be meeting up at
Kim Taehyung: They’re hopeless
Kim Taehyung: It’s up to us! What time are you free?
Jeon Jeongguk: We should all go for lunch, so I’m free at 12 :)
Kim Taehyung: okay, 12 it is
Jeon Jeongguk: Are you definitely free then?
Kim Taehyung: I have this thing, but I can reschedule
Jeon Jeongguk: are you sure?
Kim Taehyung: yeah, definitely
Kim Taehyung: if you’re coming then I definitely am not gonna miss it
Jeon Jeongguk: :)
Jeon Jeongguk: are we still on for Sunday then?
Kim Taehyung: I wouldn’t miss it for the world <3
#yoonseok#yoonseok fic#yoonseok fanfic#yoonseok fanfiction#sope#sope fic#sope fanfic#sope fanfiction#taekook#taekook fanfic#taekook fic#taekook fanfiction#namjin#namjin fic#namjin fanfic#namjin fanfiction
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I’m not proud of myself.
Today, I finally blew up at my roommate- soon to be former roommate. For me, it had been a long time coming. Living with her hasn’t exactly been a walk in the park. Though she stays gone much of the time, usually not coming home before 9 or 10 PM and leaving before 8 AM, when she is home, she treats the apartment like it’s her domain. You ever met someone who wants everything done their way, or it’s a problem? She’s this way.
She’s belittling, undermining, and controlling... and per our conversation today, and the last time we had a big discussion like this a month ago, manipulative. (She loves to turn my complaints around on me, or twist the conversation into me somehow being in the wrong.)
Here’s the thing. She isn’t a bad person. In fact, I think if we hadn’t ever lived together, we could’ve been friends. She and I enjoy some of the same things, and she has a jovial attitude, when she’s... not in her “do as I say” mode.
The major problem is that she just sees herself as the boss of the apartment. I believe she sees it as her apartment, and I’m just the person she let live with her. It’s my fault, though. For one, when we secured the apartment last summer, I hadn’t yet moved up to Brooklyn and had no intention of doing so until my semester started at NYU. So, she actually found the place (which is nice, but is in an area I hate), and she moved into it before me (though we signed the lease at the same time, and I paid rent and all deposits even before I got there.) I was assured that these things wouldn’t be a problem, but they were. The first few months I lived there, I felt like a guest. Not like.... she was treating me with hospitality and with courtesy. Like, I was a person invading space that belonged to her. Space that I paid equal rent and utilities for, mind you.
Then, as time went on, she became more and more of a control freak. It was blaming me for not taking out trash or washing dishes, it was manipulative lies about “not feeling like I(she) should have to clean up after someone.” It was “I just feel like if you use my dishes and don’t wash them right after, it’s disrespectful.” When I moved in, she and her mother insisted that she had all the dishes and appliances we needed, and I didn’t have to buy anything. When I expressed discomfort with that idea, they assured me it would be fine. I knew it would become a problem, and it did.
My biggest mistake, thought, was getting hooked up with her in the first place. Her family is friends with my aunt’s family. They knew we were both headed to New York around the same time, her for work, me for grad school, and everyone was suggesting to me that we should move in together. Something inside of me said that wasn’t a great idea, but I did it, anyway. It was convenient and I figured it couldn’t be a bother, because I was mostly focusing on school. Now, I’ve told the girl off, and my only worry is for my aunt’s relationship with her friend.
My final straw came today. I’m back home with my family, and my roommate, like she does, sent me a Venmo charge for the electric bill. Which is fine. What isn’t fine is that she kept sending me reminder notifications. Which she’s done in the past, which I’ve asked her not to do. Then, I texted her and asked her not to send me reminders. She responded “Please me then”. I don’t know what she meant by that, and I sort of think it was a typo meant to say “pay me then.” But either way, it was rude and ugly and my LAST STRAW. Mind you, I pay all of my bills on time. I pay other bills than the measly one(s) we share together. This bitch has been trying to mentally paint me as a deadbeat who doesn’t pay bills for M O N T H S, which is fucking annoying, because I PAY ALL OF MY BILLS ON TIME. I pay 1 credit card, 1 cell phone, 1 medical payment, 2 insurance bills, Hulu, Netflix, HBO Now... EVERY MONTH. Not including the rent, electricity, and internet we pay together. (Oh, I also sponsor a child every month.)
Now, this fucking electric bill. I have actually never seen the actual bill. I never see how much the fucking bill costs. I have never seen when it’s due. I just take her word for it when she sends me a Venmo charge. And I pay it. Usually not that exact second, because I DON’T HOP TO for anyone and it’s Venmo, and the bill is PAID to the company, which is what matters most- essentially, I’m just paying HER back for it. Which is actually not a mode I like, and I didn’t tell her to set it up this way, and I’d much rather send money directly to the electric company than pay her back, but whatever. Mind you, I asked her months ago to tell me WHEN the bill was due and how much it was so I could determine my half and pay it to her on my own. I don’t need anyone to remind me to pay bills. I’m actually adult af, I’ve been paying bills on my own for Y E A R S. She has never shown me a bill nor told me when it’s due. She also claims she Venmos me on the same day every month, which is patently false.
So, yeah, usually by today (the 28th-ish of each month) I’d pay rent and electricity and internet at the same time (meaning I’d pay rent to the landlord, and pay this roommate over Venmo).
So, anyway, she texted me “please me then.” Which was a fucking weird ass text. So, I text back “Wtf. How about you sent me an actual copy of the bill. This shit is annoying af.”
Then she called me. She called me, thinking she was gonna “Queen Mother” and manipulate me into submission. But little does she know, the week I left to come home (the day after my birthday, May 18), I vowed that she had ONE MORE TIME to try me. And she caught me on the right day. When she started out her mouth with her bullshit, I LET HER HAVE IT. I READ HER FOR FILTH. And she kept trying her manipulative “no, you’re the problem” bullshit, but every time she came out her mouth with some shit, I read her even more. She even tried some “I don’t see what’s the problem with reminding you about a bill that’s PAST DUE”, to which I said “HOLD UP, sis, I PAY MY BILLS ON TIME. And you never told me when this bill was due, EVEN WHEN I ASKED YOU TO, so don’t even start that bullshit.”
And, like... I’m happy that I stood up for myself, and let her know that I’m not her doormat, I’m not her underling, and I don’t need her nor answer to her, but I’m sad that it had to come to this. Because I know she’s going to cry to her mom, and it’s going to get back to her grandma, and then to MY AUNT, and it’s going to be a whole thing.
And I know she’s going to lie and say “my roommate never wanted to pay bills and stuck me with everything.” Because, she said similar things about previous roommates when we first moved in together. She said she’d had problems with roommates in the past. Which is a red flag. Which I ignored, because ... I don’t always trust my intuition. But I guarantee her problems with roommates in the past is because she’s a bossy, manipulative person who wants everything her way and thinks people are supposed to fall in line after her. Which... is not me. Could never be me.
And, like, it SUCKS because my aunt is really good friends with her family. Like, besties with her grandma. And also, I’m NERVOUS about my social interactions with people, and never wanted to have a roommate because I think I end up making everyone hate me (which isn’t really true, but you know... the few bad times always stand out.) And, like, I have one more year at NYU, and I have to have one more year of having roommates, probably, and I’m really scared to have another situation like this.
And New York City is so expensive that living by yourself is hard or impossible. Like, unless I find some kind of really well paying job that is willing to allow me time to finish my classes, getting a place by myself isn’t really an option, or is a very unlikely option.
ALSO, I think living with her was so stressful it was making me physically sick, and making my body have really adverse stress reactions, so there’s that. (Seriously, like... I was having a lot of stress-related health issues that ARE GONE AND I’VE ONLY BEEN HOME A WEEK.)
So... anyway, if any of y’all read this and care... please wish me luck in finding comfortable, nice housing in a nice area so that my home life can be comfortable and my only stress can be finishing my thesis so I can graduate next spring. And please send me “great roommate” vibes! I’ve heard of so many people finding roommates that become like family, and I need that in my life....
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3 Movies, 3 Flaws
I have personally very much enjoyed each of the new Star Wars movies thusfar, but I must admit that I have three major problems with each of them, and I will list all of them here.
The Force Awakens:
1. Terrible Set-Up - OK, what the Hell is going on!? The movie, right from the start, throws the audience into a situation devoid of any real context. Why is the Empire back, in the form of the First Order? Why is the military fighting it called “the Resistance” if the Republic is still in charge? What is the link between the Republic and the Resistance? Who the fuck is Snoke and how do Luke, Leia and Han know him? None of this is answered, and it’s left to supplementary materials like novels and comics. I know that the original Star Wars was similar in this regard, but that was the first movie in the series, so we didn’t really need to know the context behind the Empire and the Rebellion. This, however, is supposed to be a sequel to Return of the Jedi, so going from that film to this one creates a huge whiplash effect due to the sheer lack of explanation as to how all of this came about. Oh, and speaking of the original movie...
2. An Old Hope - Probably the most often derided aspect of the movie is that it’s essentially a beat-for-beat remake of the original Star Wars: A New Hope...and yeah, I can’t say I don’t share this criticism. I understand Abram’s reasoning behind this, but I just can’t agree with it. The number of similarities between the two films is ridiculous, and it doesn’t feel like “rhyming” (as Lucas liked to say), it feels like rehashing and nostalgic pandering. It’s pretty much the entire genesis behind the “Memberberries” from South Park in its disastrous 20th season. Jakku didn’t need to be a desert planet, BB-8 didn’t need to be carrying anything, Maz didn’t need to be running an alien cantina, and we really did not need yet another Death Star in the form of Starkiller Base. This stuff is too distracting and thus hinders the viewing experience.
3. Mystery Boxes - Many people are angry at The Last Jedi for wasting the set-ups from The Force Awakens. I disagree - I blame The Force Awakens for even setting all that up to begin with, when it was blatantly obvious that Abrams, who didn’t think he’d be directing another Star Wars film, didn’t know the answers to any of it. This is something he always does - set up “Mystery Boxes” where he doesn’t actually know the solution. He had no idea who Rey’s parents were, or who Snoke was, or what Luke was up to, or what the deal was with the Knights of Ren, or how Maz got Anakin’s old lightsaber...all of these were questions he posed with no answers in mind, and I hate people who do that. You don’t need a definitive answer in mind when making a mystery, but you need at least some solid ideas and possibilities about what the answer might be. If you don’t, then you only risk cheating the audience when you or someone else comes up with the answer on the fly, which is exactly what happened here. (See also: Tetsuya Nomura and the Kingdom Hearts series.)
Rogue One:
1. Doomed Characters - The heroes of this movie were fated to die by the end of it. If the filmmakers had gone all out and make the audience very emotionally attached to them, it would have been a real gut-punch and added more weight to the movie. But instead, they seemed to deliberately hold back. They didn’t want the characters to become too developed or emotionally-involving - they wanted them to be likable enough that you enjoy following them in their adventure, but not deep enough for you to get too torn up about their ultimate fates. This is a disappointment and honestly reeks of executive meddling. The film could have been even better if you actually were allowed to be truly sad about the heroes’ end.
2. No Suspense - Like the Prequel Trilogy, there’s a problem in that the outcome is predetermined. Everyone knows exactly how this story is going to end - the rebels are going to obtain the Death Star plans, kicking off the events of the original Star Wars. As such, the climax relies purely on excitement and spectacle (which it does excel at, admittedly), since there is no question that the heroes are going to achieve their objective, even if they die.
3. The Sluggish Pace - The first two acts of the movie feel really slow. I’m not sure what it is...maybe it’s the locations used for the majority of it - way too much time spent on a dull gray-skied planet or a dull Arabain-themed planet or a dull (and dark) rainy planet. It’s only in the third act, where the heroes officially become Rogue One and go to the much more vivid location of Scariff, that things really pick up and become phenomenal.
The Last Jedi:
1. Terrible Set-Up - My God, this time it’s even WORSE than in The Force Awakens! There is no time jump, we literally pick up right where the last movie left off...and yet the events just don’t line up. The first thing we’re told is that “the First Order reigns”, and that their bid to overthrow the Republic was a successful one just because they blew up its capital system. Huh!? Wasn’t the whole point of the Resistance destroying the Starkiller Base to save the Republic from being bullied into submission through fear of the superweapon? And suddenly the First Order is bombing the shit out of the Resistance base, not at all reeling from what was supposed to be a great defeat? And why is Poe Dameron suddenly such an impulsive, belligerent asshole? It makes no sense, and unlike with the previous movie’s set-up, there is no way for supplementary materials to fix it due to the timing.
2. The Subplot from Hell - The moment Poe Dameron is dubiously demoted by Leia, a subplot progresses throughout the first and second acts that is just...not good. Leia survives in space and even fucking flies through it, a character we’ve never seen before (Vice Admiral Holdo) is appointed leader and refuses to share information with Poe for no good reason, Poe allows Finn and Rose to enact a stupid plan on a stupid planet which results in many rebel lives being lost, Poe enacts a mutiny against Holdo only to get literally shot down by Leia, and the whole thing just doesn’t add up and only distracts from the more interesting plots of Luke, Rey and Kylo Ren. It ends well enough - with Holdo’s epic heroic sacrifice and Poe shaping up as a leader after having learned...some kind of lesson, but surely there were better possibilities to take for a subplot than this.
3. Good is Dumb - The First Order was dubious in The Force Awakens. Kylo Ren and General Hux certainly showed potential, but Captain Phasma was a waste, Supreme Leader Snoke was an uncompelling CG piece of shit, and they were way too much like the Empire, without enough differentiating factors. In this movie, Snoke and Phasma get axed, Kylo and Hux get elevated, and the First Order becomes far more interesting as a result. But on the flip side, the heroes, who were so good and enjoyable in the first movie, got the shaft. Rey, Finn, Poe, Rose, Maz, Holdo, Ackbarr, Leia, even Luke Skywalker and fucking Yoda...they all have problems in how they are utilized in this movie. I love what happens with Poe and Luke in the third act, but aside from that, yeah...I’ve got issues with each and every good guy.
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“I knew it!” [PART 2]
Genre: Drama, angst?, a bit fluff, smut(eventual).
Pairing: idol!Jungkook x Reader (ft. Yoongi and Taehyung)
A/N: Hey y'all! This is chapter 2 of “I knew it!” Thank you for reading and liking the first chapter :’) This fic is going to be very eventful. I just hope it carries out the way I want it to. Appreciate the love and support! xx
Warning: Swearing, sex.
Plot: You are a member of your school’s student council and a major event pops up in the midst of your last year of high school. Managing studies, extra curriculum activities, social life and now this extravagant pain in the ass. There is no way this could get worse. Or is there?
Part 1
“Could you hurry up? I have things to do y'know?”, you say loosely.
“It’s not like I’m fixing a minor bug. How did you even manage to fuck the circuit this bad?”
“Hey! I didn’t do this”, you say while having flashbacks to this afternoon.
Aria took the responsibility to keep your group’s working model safe. Obviously, she couldn’t live up to her words. She won’t live up to anything if this isn’t fixed. She won’t live. Period. ‘I will kill her’, you think because tomorrow is the deadline for the submission of your physics project.
“I really appreciate these magnificent moments we spend together Ron, but how much more time do you need?”
“An hour.”
“Fine”, you reply to Ron while texting Taehyung to see if he is free right now.
Taehyung: Always free for you. ;) Room no. 428 on the 7th floor. See you in 20?
You: You got it.
‘Hm, I didn’t expect him to invite me up to his room.’ You think for a brief moment.
You knock twice on the door with 428 on it. This hotel seemed really fancy to you. Well it is not that big of a deal as one of the most famous K-Pop groups is staying here.
Taehyung opens the door with a sweet smile inviting you in. He was barefaced with no makeup on and god did he look beautiful. He was wearing sweatpants with a black hoodie which looked amazing on him. ‘What a great outfit. Why can’t I look like that? Ugh he is so beautiful. And hot. And beautiful. Did I mention beautiful?’
“Y/N?”
“Uh-yeah?”
“I asked why were you out this late?”
“Oh my friend fucked up our physics project and it is due tomorrow. Had to get it fixed.”
“I see. Physics. Are you like a nerd or something?”, he says with a scrunched nose and playful smile while standing on the opposite side of the room leaning on the wall.
“Oh you have no idea.”
“I don’t like nerds”, he says with an intention to tease you.
“Nerds don’t like you either”, you respond while stepping back because Taehyung was walking slowly towards you while looking at the floor which made you nervous yet excited.
“I know one nerd who likes me”, he says smugly still walking across the room getting closer to you.
“Are you sure?”, you reply while trying to find his eyes that were still glued to the floor. Was he shy? He wasn’t shy before at the dorms.
“I’m certain”, he says finally looking at you with not much distance in between.
“Well I-”, you’re cut off by Taehyung jolting you towards him. He closes the distance between you two by pulling you forward with a firm grip on your waist. No space between your bodies and only an inch keeping your faces apart. He leaned his forehead on yours. “What do you want me to do?” he whispers while looking into your eyes almost making you wonder if he could see your soul.
You move to meet his lips with yours but he shifts avoiding your kiss.
“Say it.”
His hands were never still and kept traveling on your back. Up and down. Grip getting a bit hard. Hinting a bit desperation.
“What do you want me to do?” he repeats himself getting impatient.
“Me.”
And that was it. His lips crash into yours with a significant force. Your arms wrap around his neck involuntarily and his hands find their way under your t-shirt. You flinch at his touch which was oh, so soft. He lifts you up and you wrap your legs around his waist perfectly never breaking the kiss filled with lust. You were adjusting yourself and you accidentally brush your crotch on his which made him groan loud while still kissing you. Shit that was so hot.
He sits on the couch with you straddling his lap. Your hands were unbuttoning his shirt while your hips were rolling on his to an inaudible rhythm.
“Oh fuck Y/N”, he says with his eyes shut close, “Stop doing that or I’ll be done right here.”
You chuckled while cupping his face to kiss him. His hands were on your back now sliding down slowly in your black jeans.
“Ah shit!”, you heard a man exclaim.
You both turn your head to your right following the voice coming from a similar figure who now had his face turned around.
“For fuck’s sake Jungkook!”
“I didn’t plan to walk in on you! How about a heads up next time you have a girl over in OUR room?!”, he says with a tone of disgust.
You were now sitting besides Taehyung on the couch while fixing your clothes.
“I’m so sorry about this”, he says while looking at you with an apologetic smile.
“No it’s okay”, you say with your already flustered face completed with a somewhat genuine smile.
“PD-nim wants to talk to you and Namjoon hyung about your song”, he says without turning around.
“Great timing PD-nim”, Taehyung mumbles to himself, “I’m sorry Y/N. This is a bit important so I have to go.”
“It’s okay Taehyung, I’ll just go-”
“No no. Please stay. What are you going to do for another 40 minutes anyway at this time of the night? Feel free to hang around. I’ll try to come back as soon as possible.”
“Yeah, okay”, you say giving him a warm smile.
“See you in a bit”, he gets up and opens the door. Before stepping outside he looks at you again and winks. ‘Flirt.’
‘Well, this is weird. Jungkook was it? Yeah probably.’ He settled himself on the side sofa chair and started browsing through netflix as if you weren’t sitting on the adjacent couch. What is even happening?
“Mhm, nope”, you hear a faint mumble. ‘What am I doing here again? What is he doing here again? What is with these Korean guys and their breathtaking looks? Such great skin. How. The. Fuck. It is imp-’
“What?”, you hear the man say. ‘Was I staring? Oh well.’
“You have nice skin.”
“I know.”
“Cocky much?”
“I’m cocky? I don’t scream at strangers.”
“I was really sleepy.”
“Sure, love.”
You scoff at his reply.
“You don’t waste time do you?”, he says with a chuckle at an attempt to tease you about Taehyung.
“What’s the fun in that?”, you say with a wink directed towards the person who is now a bit confused at your unpredictable reply.
“You’re a good dancer”, he muttered with the most neutral expression while staring at the screen of the television in front of him.
“When did you see me dance?”
“I saw some of your performances earlier today. Ms. Cooper had them in her drive. She is a difficult woman”, he says with a sigh.
“She definitely is. Thanks though.”
“I mean you’re good but you could be better you know? You’re holding something back. Something is holding you back. Either one of these. I don’t know what it is but I’m sure you can find that out yourself. Let everything go when you’re dancing.”
‘What? What is he saying? I am completely open to criticism but is this criticism? What does he mean? I am holding something back? Something is holding me back? No one has ever said this to me. Sure, they’ve pointed out areas in which I could work on but how am I supposed to work on this, this, um, mere observation?’
‘You know what? I didn’t sign up for a therapy session. Time to run away from my problems’, you think.
“Uh-huh, gotcha! Okay got to go, bye!”, you say while standing up and walking at a fast pace towards the door.
“Did I say something wrong?”, Jungkook is completely puzzled at your reaction and is still blank when he sees you leaving and shutting the door on your way out.
“Alright guys, let’s start! Choose a partner”, Ms. Cooper screams in the dance hall filled with the dancers of our school, bighit and of course, members of BTS.
“Y/N! Go pair up with either Hoseok or Jungkook”, Ms. Cooper says.
‘Well shit, where is Hoseok? There! You take in a breath of relief but it’s long gone when you see him pairing up with someone else.’
‘Fuck.’
“Can I get a different partner, Ms. Cooper?”
“No. You’re one of our best dancers and we need to put up a solid impression. Go on now!”, she says while checking something off on a white sheet.
‘Ugh. Why is she even here? She can’t even dance. Where is Ms. Dallas? She is our dance teacher right? God save me from this confrontation.’
You walk up to Jungkook who is sitting on the floor tying his shoelaces.
“Hey”, you mumble.
He looks up to you and then looks behind him where there is nothing but a wall.
“Who? Me?”, he says with the most innocent face you’ve ever seen.
“Do you have to be this extra?”
“Can’t help it. Also, can we not run away from each other every time we meet?”
“No, no, it’s not working. You have to give in or this choreography won’t look good. Founder’s Gala is no joke! From the top!”, Ms. Cooper screams yet again.
It’s 8:45 pm. ‘We’ve been practicing since 1:30 pm. My limbs are ready to fall off because of this draining choreography I’ve to do with Jungkook. He is an amazing dancer. Along with Hoseok and Jimin, of course. This a 3 piece performance where you and Jungkook are supposed to dance the last and final segment. And you have to end it with a bang.’
“Okay, enough for today. You both need to work harder. Get some rest.”
Everyone leaves except you and Jungkook because he had the idea of staying back and practicing for a while. ‘What is with him and his need to be perfect at everything?’
You pick up your water bottle and lean against the big mirror-covered wall where Jungkook’s eyes are glued as he is trying to perfect the choreography.
“Calm down for a minute yeah? We can do this. We just need some time”, you say softly while sipping water from your bottle.
“Yeah right. This is a complex choreography where the two individuals have to be in complete sync and showcase their chemistry. I can’t do that alone but I can at least perfect my part.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“This is clearly not important to you because it is not worth your time right? Your movements are distant and don’t even get me started on the fact that you can’t even look me in the eye”, he says without any hint of anger but a bit annoyance while his eyes are still fixated on his swift moves which has a bit contemporary touch along with freestyle.
“You think you know everything? How about not assuming shit the next time you can’t figure out another person’s situation? I’m trying here so cut me some fucking slack yeah? It is not easy switching back and forth between this and studies and loads of other shit. My future isn’t set like yours. I have to get into a good college, do what I’ve been planning to do for years, and actually be the person I want to be!”
His expression is shifting. Shifting into.. anger? His jaw clenches as he stop his moves and stands there with his eyes closed.
“What is with you? Why do you have to be so difficult? You aren’t this difficult to deal with around other people. You’re not the only one having a tough time. This isn’t easy for me either okay?! I haven’t seen my family in the last 5 months. I miss them. Am I whining? No, because it won’t do anything.”
“Do they miss you?”, you say. This caused his eyes to soften a bit as he walks towards his bag to get his water bottle.
“Yes, they do. My dad tries not to show his emotions but it’s pretty much clear. It’s kinda cute though. Why?”
“Nothing, just wondering how it’s like have a family that loves you. My only family is my mom. She is a blessing”, you say with a smile while you picture your mom smiling.
“What happened to your dad?”
“Nothing. He’s just an asshole. Left when I was 7 to be with my mom’s best friend and kinda forgot that I existed. He has a son now. Cool right?”
“I’m sorry to hear that. You both deserve better than this”, he says now standing next to you with his back leaned back on the mirror just like you. You both keep looking across the room without saying anything for a few minutes.
“Are you okay?”, he breaks the silence still looking at the wall opposite to you both.
“Yes. Are you?”
“Yep.”
“Okay.”
“Look, I’m sorry about what I said yesterday about you not giving your hundred percent while dancing. I think that might have to do with the fact you’ve been distant all day. I still think you are holding something back and honestly, running away from it won’t help either. Just let me explain what I’m trying to say.”
He walks to the centre of the hall facing the mirror and urges you to join him by raising his eyebrows.
“Trust me, I won’t bite.”
You walk up to his side and get in your starting position.
“There’s no music”, you say while facing him.
“Doesn’t matter”, he replies while looking at you with determination in his eyes. You can see similarities between him and a toddler who is trying to get his shoelace knots right.
“Five, six, seven,”
You start with the first movement of your hand to your side on shoulder-level. Jungkook stands behind you with almost no space between your bodies and mirrors every move of yours. In between a few steps he holds you and makes you reach farther as if you’re trying to get a hold of something out of your reach.
“It may be impossible to reach but you have to go as far as you can”, he says in a low volume close to your right ear. He grips your left wrist and make the steps flow out in such a breeze stepping sideways twice. The next part of the choreography involves both of you. You turn around to face him and hold his right hand in your left.
“Just look at me the whole time. Do not break eye contact okay?”
You nodded. What followed was something you’ve never done before. This was the first time you had no other thoughts while dancing. Only your movements. Turning, twirling with synchronized foot work and hand gestures was all that mattered in that moment. As you did the last spin you had to land in Jungkook’s arms while your back is pressed to his chest and his hands wrapped around yours. You haven’t tried this part out in practice all day but this time, everything happened so smoothly that God knows how you got into the perfect end position.
You both stayed in the same position while breathing heavily. You look into his eyes in the mirror and give him a huge smile expressing your gratitude towards him for doing this.
“You get what I’m saying now?”, he says softly as you turn to face him. Your hands are pressed against his chest and you can hear his heart beating at a very quick rate. Your eyes are now looking down which results in him trying to find them by leaning his forehead against yours in an attempt to lift it up while his hands are on your shoulders. You finally give in and look into his big doe eyes and mutter a very faint thank you.
You both keep looking into each other’s eyes as if you’re waiting for something. Waiting for something to happen. You both are still out of breath and your heavy breathing is the only thing echoing in the dance hall.
“You did great”, Jungkook says without moving a muscle. Your faces were so close that when he spoke, his warm breath hit you which intoxicated you with his aura. Both of you crash your lips into each other’s almost at the same time.
This kiss had a very passionate vibe as you both were slow and steady yet ready to burst with the tingly feelings you were getting all over your body. The kiss got bigger and bigger as you held onto his shoulders to lift yourself a bit up to reach him completely because you did not want to leave any part untouched. His hands were on your waist gripping the sides firmly. He bit your lower lip in anticipation of what might happen next.
Suddenly, your mouth felt empty as he broke the kiss.
“Aren’t you and Taehyung a thing?”
“No. We’re not dating or anything”, you assure him.
“Then what are you doing?”, he asks you.
“Um..”
“I’m just messing with you. Fuck buddies right?”, he giggles.
“Fuck you”, you say while slapping his shoulder.
“You’re about to”, he says with a very prominent smirk across his face.
He resumes kissing you without any warning. This kiss is more feisty and demanding. You tug his white T-shirt’s end and pull it over his head revealing his bare chest. He lifts up your crop top and tosses it on the floor. You slowly start going in the direction he is walking in, towards the wooden desk placed in the corner of the hall. He lifts you up and sets you on the table without breaking the kiss. His hands are on your waistband which are now pulled down to your ankles. You kick the cloth off of your ankles and start unbuttoning his jeans. He left your lips and started kissing your neck with very light bites which were going to be easily visible the next day.
You hear a buzzing sound coming from your pants on the floor which turned out to be your teacher’s call.
“Yes, ma’am. I’m on my way. Yes ma’am”, you say into your phone while wearing your shoes.
“Raincheck?”
“Yeah”, he replies with a pout.
“I’m sorry Jungkook.”
“No it’s okay. I’ll deal with you when you get back. Come by my room when you’re done.”
PART 3
#jungkook#jungkook smut#jungkook x reader#jungkook fanfic#jungkook scenarios#jungkook one shot#jungkook hot#jeon jungkook#jeon#bangtan#bts smut#bts series#bts hot#bts scenarios#bts#bts v#smut#tae#taehyung smut#yoongi smut#jimin smut#jung hoseok#j-hope#kpop#kpop icons#kpop scenarios#bts fanfic#bangtan fanfic#fanfic#kim namjoon
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DSOD Differences between ENG and JP
These are just my observations from watching the DSOD movie in English twice, then once in Japanese (Here’s where I watched the sub, so credit the fan subber! Also remember to support the official release of the JP with subs when it is fully available! -- https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3pKUWJ9VACyR2RueEN0ZS15R0k/view ). Feel free to add stuff/your own thoughts. I don’t know Japanese, so I’m going off the fan-sub.
SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT, DUH.
· Yugi's not like "I wish I could have told him what he meant to me" he's just like "we're in our own worlds now..."
· Omfg the short bully guy has a REALLY DEEP VOICE I love it
· and he's like to Aigami "Well, you are CUTE..."
· He's like "I'm gonna make you famous...the theme this time around...IS PAIN HAHA"
· I forgot that Kaiba calls Atem ‘Yugi’ in the JP
· "Leaving Yugi behind like a COWARD and vanishing without a trace made it difficult to track you down..." (In the Cathedral)
· ORE NO TAURN
· I forgot that the music from the jp is pretty cool--very orchestral--rather than GUITAR RIFFS
· Already makes more sense with the duels—they mention sacrificing monsters more often thank god
· The mirror absorbs neo 3 blue eyes whatshisfuck and sends it back at Kaiba. It doesn't deflect it and then send a new attack like the dub implies
· Kaiba doesn't mention any coiffed hair but says "I even replicated his provoking personality"
· Jounouchi, you're fired! Instead of NO CLOWNING AROUND
· More explanation about the Plana/Planners--ok so 7 items found, Pharoah goes back home, and it opens up that new dimension where they've gotta keep the order or something like that
· They want to get rid of the old world to make room for a new order? And they gotta eradicate evil?
· "We've been waiting for you" instead of "You've graced us with yer presence sIR"
· Still has the "Ok but it took Yugi 8 years..." "Yeah, but Yugi has the brain of a child" KAIBA SAVAGE
· Kaiba's jp voice is so much more intimidating just a reminder
· "Even though I didn't register my deck or duel disk anywhere, you still knew where I was. You're quite the control freak, aren't you?" - Diva
· "I hate dangerous murderers like you, you see...so I think I'll need to erase you from this dimension." -Diva, with gun at back
· They're actually talking about the connection between consciousnesses. Which relates to that 2 chapter prequel manga (Transcend Game).
· Diva's like "Kaiba, you know all about the human consciousness, don't you? Everything done in this world is done by the unconscious mind...all of which are linked together...even you, the dictator of this city, are powerless to control the consciousnessesses of all of Domino…let alone the world."
· I’m not going to bother spelling consciousness right anymore
· Because Kaiba had to use the consciousnessess of all the children combined playing his VR prototype to catapult himself up into the afterlife the first time in the manga
· So to keep everything in order you need those links to be balanced, too.
· It’s in the ENG too but if you watch the children that Diva summons are all connected with these golden darting lines and now that makes more sense THX
· He's borrowing the power of other people's consciousnesses (all those children) in order to have enough energy to wield his powers by using the cube
· So in the other dimension that he sends the gunman, the gunman is no longer connected to the consciousnesses of everyone else in the world anymore
· In the JP then too Diva explains that he is using the power of the Plana, but also the Plana's Mind, which makes the control of his consciousness (and by extension the links to everyone else) 7x stronger than everyone else's
· Instead of saying "NOT SO FAST/etc." when he's not disappearing into the other dimension, Kaiba goes "DON'T WORRY, MOKUBA” BIG BRO IS HERE FOR U AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT
· So the reason why the power didn't send Kaiba to the other dimension is because his ego is SO INFLATED and thus his consciousness and intellect are so great that he's on par with Diva's Plana Mind
· With his duel disk connected to his brain--which if you remember is connected to that Cloud Network--he's got enough connections with other consciousnesses in the cloud to combat Diva's powers??? I think
· "Kisama no TURN..." sounds so cool like damn
· JP also explains why he can summon shittons of blue eyes
· JP explains the spell cards better
· I think they left out the monster noises/screams in the ENG? Someone should confirm that for me
· "I was the one who had to bury Yugi, no, Atem inside of me. His ghost continues to wander in my unfulfilled consciousness. Yugi!" – Kaiba
· The eng music slightly is based off the jp music but with 10x more guitar riffs and zero chill
· As for why the fuck he could summon Obelisk—in the JPDiva says there's residual energy left in that place due to it being where the Pharaoh left the world, and that Kaiba must have picked up on it. And Diva says that Obelisk is only a servant to the pharaoh. I think Diva missed that whole Battle City thing tho and doesn't realize that other people were wielding the god cards too
· Still got "IT'S NOT A MONSTER. IT'S A GOD."
· No "I NEED TISSUEEEEES" thx
· Still got "Pharaoh can't come back if we get rid of his vessel" gotta kill Yugi
· The big duel tournie takes place at Kaibaland
· To put the puzzle back together quickly he needed his machine to be in space to utilize zero gravity—still extra
· "Enough of the boring Flattery. // My Apologies, Mr. Kaiba" No "I'm programed to remind you of your genius" darn
· Yugi says he's keeping the Dark Magician in his deck and is like "I wonder what Aigami's gonna use in his deck" instead of "You got me out of a lot of jams!" Suggesting Yugi actually knows how to fucking build a deck wow shocker
· Shadi was supposed to collect all 7 items so he could send Pharaoh back to deadland and Yugi was a necessary vessel that had to have been chosen to help the Pharaoh get there out of the puzzle and shit
· Yugi shares a consciousness wavelength with the Plana people because welp he let the pharaoh live in his bod
· Instead of Joey just losing his memories in the dimension it's more him struggling to find out what's real and what's fake because he also can’t trust his own memories. And the idea is that he's not connected to the consciousness of the rest of the world so he's only seeing what he has ever seen. But if he does forget things then he does lose everything because he's relying solely on his own consciousness
· Shadi's eng voice is VERY similar to his jp voice nice
· Diva asks about rulers and how they aren't afraid because they have everything and never have anything taken from them. And so Shadi is like "Yeah but then they take everyone from others"--makes sense given that Diva tries to control everything so that he loses nothing. No talk about how easily manipulated children are like in the ENG. Just talk about power/loss/fear and loss/loss and fear
· Shadi says an evil thing lives in the ring and has already chosen a master, and that you have to surpass a trial to be able to wear it. Obviously that doesn't end well for him.
· 3 items are for justice, 3 have evil presences inside them, millennium puzzle has both
· Shadi says that there will be a young boy that will become the vessel for the pharaoh, and then says that he's the same as them (the Plana children--meaning he's probably just got strong connection powers or whatever/spiritual powers)
· "Oh, did he finally croak? You guys are an eyesore" -Yami!Bakura
· "I'm going to paint this world in darkness" – Yami!Bakura
· Diva doesn't know that Bakura doesn't have evil dickmix in his blood anymore
· "But...I killed someone very special to you, didn't I?" -Bakura. No "I also lost someone very important to me that day..." though obvs his dad is dead AF
· Joey was able to come out of the dimension because his bonds with his buds surpass dimensions--which is fucking intense given that going to a different dimension is supposed to prevent that in the first place friendship is sTRONG
· No "My cardio stinks", just "Bakura-kun..."
· Kaiba's under the impression that the afterlife is still connected to the puzzle--sorry Kaiba
· He really wants to resurrect pharaoh to face him again welp
· Also Mokuba isn't like "HEY YUGI, LOOKIN GOOD!" He's like "Hey Yugi! We've already got the game shop covered for you!" So that's nice. No worries about G-PA getting snatched in the meantime
· Diva says even with Kaiba's tech it's impossible for them to go into another dimension (inside of the cube to get the puzzle piece)--obvs Kaiba's not gonna be havin that later...
· Your body is a flesh prison for your soul and when you die it's free but until then you're stuck in flesh prison and even when you win murderous wars and fight needlessly you are still in yer flesh prison.
· So through Kaiba's duel disk he wants to allow people to go beyond the flesh prison to eliminate language/barriers/need for fighting/etc.
· So it's a lot more than just "PLAY MY CHILDREN'S CARD GAME"
· he legit says flesh prison
· Shadi's always been able to go through dimensions as a priest of the Pharaoh?
· Shit. "Yugi, I'll remind you, that you're just a vessel! -Kaiba
· "It looks like you won't summon the pharaoh...until I duel you into submission!" Ok kaiba
· No lemons being sour jokes
· No "You really hate dragons...don't you?"
· Kaiba does have a very dramatic line about Deep Eyes coming to live from the blue abyss
· "No you gotta let him go" but "This is the reality...he's no longer in there..." Yugi's like "I've accepted it and you gotta accept it" but nah
· But yeah the idea was to open a new dimension and drag the world into it with the 8th millennium item (cube).
· But, if you bring it into a dark world like Diva was going to, it would only bring the chosen ones into the new dimension, eliminating everyone else
· Still says "Kaiba, why? // Because of him. Yugi (the pharaoh)"
· Still has "Call him." But also has "Call him to you."
· Yugi just says "Draw...I'm sorry...everyone..." because there's no heart of the cards bullshit in the jp. So Yugi is convinced that he's failed instead of hoping in cards
· No epic music when Atem comes back so it's definitely more unsettling. Kind of underwhelming but makes it weightless. Which I can appreciate because it's basically like "Diva literally has so little power that there doesn't even need to be epic music because Yami just wipes the fucking floor with him"
· Instead of saying "DID HE ASK ABOUT ME?" Joey says "I saw him too!" And Yugi goes "I knew it!" So Atem did pay him a visit to get him to come out of the weird dimension. That’s cool
· "So he did really come here then, Yugi." - Kaiba
· "I had all but given up, Kaiba. But you still believed."
· "I don't know about that. Farewell, Yugi. You were indeed a proud duelist." - Kaiba
· So instead of being like "I got my thing with the pharaoh, bitch. And you got yours." it's more like hey we saved the world together, and I recognize you as a good, strong dude. We can be 'friends' now…in Kaiba's own way
· "Kaiba, I really have to thank you." -Yugi
· Mokuba’s like "Are you sure you want to do this?"And Kaiba says, "Once this is completed. It will create a new type of duel as we know it."Then Mokuba does say that this new prototype using the dimension emulator (different than the VR used earlier) is too dangerous.
· Kaiba isn't like "I leave everything to you...Mokuba..." He's like "Watch over everything while I'm away." Implying he plans on coming back.
· Thus this version of the movie is definitely less "KAIBA HAS NO CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!! BATTLE PHARAOH ANYWAY" It's a lot more that he develops even further in his technological goals. So he still wants to battle the pharaoh but he's using him more as a guinea pig for testing his transdimensional duel system rather than saying "fuck everything I'm gonna go duel dead people ANYWAY BECAUSE I'M AN EGOTISTICAL ASS” tho maybe he still wants some pharaoh dick who knows
#DSOD#dark side of dimensions#yugioh#yu-gi-oh!#seto kaiba#this is your captain speaking#I've seen this movie thrice now jesUS CHRIST
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