#(honestly i think just. past that first press conference even before the interview he finds himself unwillingly charmed) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

duuhrayliegh · 3 years

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Fuck Misogyny

request: Bucky uses his newly gained knowledge of feminism to squash misogynistic interview questions. @ptrs-prkrs

warnings: language, creepy men, feminist!bucky

a/n: hey babes!! i hope this lived up to what you wanted! i couldn’t find the exact video you were referencing but i know what you’re talking about, so i drew inspiration from a few others.

p.s.: my requests and tag lists are open!!

xoxo ray

full m.list

The set up was simple. A long row of fold out tables covered in black fabric, microphones in front of each seat. Black papers were taped to the backs of the microphones with each team member's name. Bucky had told Evie that he wasn’t going to be able to work out with her today because of this so it better be worth it. The PR manager for the team, Amanda, had set everything up. Hired the mediator, notified the press, everything. Ever since they announced that they were going to be hosting an Avenger’s Q&A Panel, the internet quite literally broke.

Of course Bucky had been doing lives on TikTok with the group of five for the past couple of weeks now, so he was becoming quite comfortable in this format. He’s become increasingly active on his social media accounts, gaining more and more followers everyday. Granted, there were still haters, as Freddie called them, but Bucky ignored them for the most part.

Bucky was actually excited for this press meeting. He was finally gaining traction in the media and he knew how to correctly answer their questions. As Amanda had explained, there was going to be several questions from the mediator, tons from the press that they had invited, and then some fan questions as well. They apparently were going to be live streaming the conference on YouTube allowing them to read the comments and questions as it went on.

“Okay, everyone. You have two minutes until we start.” The team was in an empty board room in the Hilton hotel. Tony didn’t want everyone on the compound’s grass because he just had it fixed. Bucky scanned his fellow teammates. It was impossible for everyone to dress for the same event. Steve was wearing a shirt that was almost bursting at the seams with a pair of jeans and sneakers.

Tony was wearing a lovely Tom Ford, three piece, two-button, of course. Natasha and Wanda were wearing ripped jeans and casual tops. Vision was wearing a sweater vest and slacks, Bruce was clad in slacks as well a jacket covering his shoulders. Sam was wearing a button-up shirt and pressed jeans and he couldn’t find Clint anywhere, probably hiding in the rafters again.

Bucky had his iconic leather jacket donning his shoulders, a pair of slightly ripped jeans. His outfit was picked out by Cassie and Penny. “You need to look like you care but like you don’t at the same time.” Is what they said, the phrase made Bucky shake his head. His hair had finally started growing back and he wasn’t quite sure how he felt about it.

He had gotten help from Evie before he left Cassie’s apartment. She had pulled back the top half, braiding back two sections into the bun at the back of his head. There were pieces dangling in front of his eyes, “to accentuate the facial features, trust me they’ll love it.” Was Evie’s explanation as they pushed him out of the apartment, so he wouldn’t be late.

“Alright guys! They’re calling your names!” The team filed out of the board room and into a large ballroom. Bottles of water were placed beside each placemat. Tony went out first, followed by Steve, then Bruce, Natasha, Clint, Wanda, Vision, Sam and ending with Bucky. They all settled into their seats, Bucky peeled his jacket off himself, placing it on the back of his chair. His black short sleeved shirt highlighted the gold inlays of his vibranium arm.

“Oh, I see we’re showing some muscle today huh, Buck?” Sam teased as Bucky took his seat next to him. Bucky groaned in realization, covering his microphone so it didn’t pick up what he planned to say.

“Good God, is this what it’s going to be like the entire panel? You just bugging the shit outta me?” They shared a laugh making the rest of the members look at the pair. The audience clapped as they were introduced and continued clapping as they assembled before them.

“Thank you. We would like to welcome everyone to the first, of hopefully many, Avenger’s Q&A Panel.” The female mediator, Stacey, read the assigned lines off the sheet on her podium. “We are going to start with questions we curated for the team and then open it up to the members of the press. After that we will turn to our live stream and answer some viewer questions.” The press rustled in their seats, pulling out pens and journals as well as their phones to record. “Okay, starting off with a question directed at the Avengers in general. How are you feeling about coming before the media in this type of format?” Glances were exchanged between the members, not sure on who was going to start.

“I feel that this is a great way for the general public to learn a little bit more about each individual team member.” Vision was the first to respond and Steve added on.

“Yeah, I definitely think that there’s a common misconception that we don’t want to engage with the media or the general public. We do, unfortunately due to the amount of research and training that we are doing behind the scenes, it just goes to the back of our minds.”

“Right. So Tony and Bruce, we all know that you two are geniuses. What are your feelings on expanding the teachings of STEM courses to not only high school, but as far back as elementary school or even kindergarten?” The pair thought about the question before answering.

“Well, I definitely think that offering STEM-based classes at a younger age would be beneficial, especially if we were to allow the kids to continue to switch what they want to focus on.” Bruce started. “It’s incredibly anxiety-inducing for teenagers to have to decide what they’re going to do with their life right before they are thrust into an unforgiving world.”

“Yeah, I’ll never understand why we do that to our future leaders, it’s honestly baffling. Why do American schools wait until high school to require our children to learn foriegn languages, they aren’t going to retain that information. The same applies for such comprehensive courses like STEM-based ones. If you wait until their brains are already developed so far, then they’ve already decided what they think is interesting and if they don’t find those courses interesting then they aren’t going to pay attention.” Tony finished Bruce's thought before nodding to each other smugly, obviously proud of themselves for answering the question so well.

“Interesting that you see it that way. This last one goes out to everyone and then we’ll open it up to the reporters. How do you deal with the stress and anxiety that comes with being an Avenger? Do you feel a certain amount of pressure to always do the right thing?” Stacey shuffled her papers, tapping them twice on the podium.

“We all have our own routines and ways that we decompress after missions so that really just depends on the person. Like I think that Bruce listens to opera music, and Wanda mediatates, Tony tinkers. It depends on the person.” Natasha answered concisely, making Bucky nod his head. He could recall all of those things to be true.

“Oh definitely, and it doesn’t hurt that we have a former VA Trauma Counselor on board to help us work through the harder stuff.” Steve added a gesture of his head to Sam.

“Speaking of that Sam, just a quick question before we open it up. How difficult was it for you to transition from regular Air Force missions to Avenger level missions?” Sam made a face at Stacey before answering.

“Um, I mean, it’s not that different. You’re always fighting one of the Big Three-- aliens, androids, or wizards, no matter what department you’re working with. The only transition I had to deal with was the Tony Stark-erized suits. Now that I think of it, Tony, can we make it tighter?” Sam quipped making the room laugh with ease.

“Alright, well now we’re going to open it up to the reporters. Starting with this gentleman in the front and then if we could also give a microphone to someone on that side of the room. Okay, thank you.” The first reporter stood up, holding the microphone in one hand and his phone in the other.

“Hello. John from Huffington Post. The Avengers inspire almost everyone around the world, so we would like to know who inspires you? Who do you look up to in terms of your idols?” He sat back down as the team contemplated their answers.

“Gandhi.” Bruce said, Tony snapped his fingers and pointed at him then added. “Pepper, she’s so amazing.” Steve looked down to Bucky, who shrugged.

“I would probably have to say that my sister, Sarah, inspires me. She raised her two sons, Cas and AJ, by herself after the Blip and was able to keep the family business going.” Sam’s answer made Bucky smile. Sam had brought him to their house in Delacroix, he remembered waking up to Cas and AJ playing in the kitchen, happy giggles filtering through reminding him of his time in Wakanda. By the time that Bucky had refocused on the conversation they had moved on without his answer. Several different questions went by, all directed to the team at large, until Chad.

“Hi, I’m Chad for the Daily Mail. My question is for Wanda and Natasha.” The pair of women perked up, excited to have a specific question. “Do you find that your equipment hinders you in doing your job as well as your male counterparts?” Stunned expressions settled over the womens faces, then annoyance. Bucky’s brows shot up to his hairline, appalled that someone had the balls to ask that. Wanda and Natasha handled the question with grace and much more restraint than Bucky would have.

“Well for me, I am able to move things with my mind so I can throw things randomly at people even if I’m not in the room. I’ve been very fortunate to work with Natasha who has Widow training, so my hand to hand combat is improving immensely. And being able to work with Princess Shuri in Wakanda to learn how to fully control my powers. It’s an ever evolving process that I’m always excited to take on.” Bucky nodded and turned his attention to Natasha.

“My favorite thing is training with either Steve or Bucky because they push me to do my best. We all have our specialties here and it’s nice to learn new skills or improve old ones with people who support you.” Natasha sat back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest, throwing daggers with her eyes at Chad in the audience, waiting for him to say something else. Chad stood again, yelling so he could be heard over the crowd’s commotion.

“That’s great, ladies, but forgive me, you didn’t answer the question I asked.” Bucky pushed forward in his seat, leaning into his microphone.

“I’m sorry, I think I misunderstood what you asked them then. I would like for you to clarify what you mean by equipment.” Chad balked, not expecting a male’s voice to respond.

“You know what’s implied by equipment, sir.” Bucky’s jaw clenched at the man.

“Did you just ask two of the most capable women that I’ve ever known, if their equipment, which I’m assuming you’re referring their breasts, made it to where they couldn’t do their job as good as the rest of their male counterparts. Just to be clear, that’s what you’re asking?” Chad stuttered as he answered yes.

“Right, well first off that’s disgusting. Just a bit of background for you, Wanda is the strongest Avenger here, plain and simple. As for Natasha, she’s the smartest woman I’ve ever met and she can take down every single male here.” Bucky took a breath before continuing. “So, what I think you really want to know is how they encourage their teammates to keep up with them.” He dropped his head to look at the two women down the line.

“Don’t worry Chad, I’ll ask them the right question, since you can’t quite seem to understand how to respect women.” The team was holding back snickers at Chad’s reaction. “Wanda, Natasha. Chad wants to know how the hell you push your male teammates to be just as good as you are. What are your strategies to keep us on our toes while training?” Claps sounded from the women press members and Bucky awaited the pair's response. The next press member stood and asked a question.

“Hi, I’m Chloe from Vanity Fair. This question goes to everyone on the panel.” Bucky settled in for another question that didn’t matter. “How do you continue to be aware of things happening in our society today? Do you keep up-to-date through new channels, or social media?” The answers were rather generic from the team, all of them rather uncomfortable from the tension that Bucky and Chad had created. Stacey interrupted after Chloe’s question.

“Okay, we’re going to open it up to viewer questions from our live stream.” An iPad was placed on the podium in front of Stacey and her eyebrows rose. “Okay, there’s quite a variety here. Here’s one for Steve and Bucky.” Bucky perked up, nervous to answer because his adrenaline had worn off.

“One viewer asks, ‘Steve and Bucky, being from the 40’s, women were treated like second thoughts and were talked about like objects. Now, you’re in the 21st century, not much has changed. What have you been doing to support feminist causes?’”

“I just want to say that everyone should be answering this. It’s true that during the 40’s women were not treated the right way, and they still aren’t today. An 18 year old can’t walk down the street at nine o’clock at night without being catcalled. I am a proud feminist, as everyone should be. I think that as a team we are doing pretty well in that department. As far as what I’m doing to support feminist causes, I’m doing as much as I can. I actually recently enrolled in online classes to expand my knowledge on many subjects, seeing as how I am from the 40’s and all.” The crowd laughed along with Bucky.

“Almost all of my classes have to do with either psychology or gender studies, it’s a fascinatingly haunting subject. One book that I’m reading right now was suggested to me by my friend Cassie, it’s called Hood Feminism: Notes from the Women that a Movement Forgot. The author doesn’t let up and I’m only halfway through it. Look, I’m still educating myself, but I’m a strong believer in doing what is right for everyone, so I’m trying. Thankfully I have a few people keeping me in check as far as my actions.” Bucky thought his response was well thought out for being an on the fly question. He was new to the concept of feminism but that didn’t change the fact that it made total sense.

“I’m with Bucky on this. The 40’s were a rough time. I remember the first time I met Peggy Carter, I was astonished that a woman could be in such a powerful position. One of the first things she did after I met her was punch out someone who made a sexual comment to her. I’ve been supporting feminist causes ever since working with Peggy.” Steve added, a sad smile spreading on his face reminiscing Peggy.

“This one says, ‘As a total fan of all of you, I love seeing what you post on your social media accounts. When are the rest of the Avengers going to follow Bucky’s lead and download TikTok?’” Bucky’s head flew back into a full body laugh. Tony shifted forward in his seat, pointing his finger at the laughing man down the table.

“I would just like to say he didn’t get that approved before doing it. However, it did go over really well, so we’ll consider it.” Wanda’s mouth rolled inwards, stifling her laughter.

“We’ll consider it, you’re such an old man. Most of us have TikTok already, we just don’t make content on it like Barnes over here.” Sam said, tossing his head in Bucky’s direction.

“I’ve got like three videos on there!” Bucky and Sam began bantering back and forth.

“Yeah and one of them is dancing to a Cardi B song! Who even showed you that? I thought you only like 40’s music?” Bucky made a face at the man.

“Uh, just because I didn’t like your suggestions for music doesn’t mean I don’t have taste. My Spotify playlist is filling out quite nicely, Wilson.” Bucky and Sam didn’t quit fighting from then on, just little jabs at each other under the table.

“Here’s a good one,” Stacey had a smile on her face, “Are you allies of the LGBTQ+ community?” Bucky responded quickly with no hesitation.

“Yes, many of my friends are members of the Alphabet Mafia. Why wouldn’t we be?” Wanda nodded at his question, laughing at his use of the phrase Alphabet Mafia.

“Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I’m dating a fucking android, I’d be pretty hypocrictal if I wasn’t an ally. Nat, Clint what about you?” Clint bobbed his head in response.

“Oh yeah. We all are, even the Star Spangled Man with a Plan.” Steve’s shoulders shook with laughter at Clint’s nickname for him. The team broke out into laughter, joining Steve. Stacey cleared her throat, commanding the attention of the room again.

“Alright, everybody! That’s it for today.” She glanced down at her papers. “We would like to thank everyone for coming out today and joining the Avengers Q&A Panel. At this time we are unaware, if we will be conducting another one of these, but the odds look good based on the response.” The team filed out of the ballroom and into the empty boardroom. Bucky was the last to get into the room and he was approached by Natasha and Wanda immediately. Wanda wrapped her arms around him in a bear hug.

“That was so sick, Bucky!” She stepped back and Natasha offered him a side hug as well. “Where’d you learn all that? And since when are you taking online classes?”

“That guy was being an asshole, he needed to be put in his place. I hope you guys didn’t feel like I overstepped or anything.” Bucky hung his arm over Wanda’s shoulder, leaning his weight on her. “And I started about two months ago. They’re going really well, I’m learning a lot and enjoying it surprisingly. It’s a good thing to do in my free time since I’m not always on missions.”

“I’m proud of you James, that was impressive.” Natasha complimented him, she wasn’t usually a woman of many words so that was a lot. Bucky smiled at her, nodding his head. His phone began buzzing in his back pocket, so he excused himself from their conversation. His screen displayed one of Evie’s senior pictures, signalling that she was calling him. He pushed the green button and brought the phone to his ear to answer her call.

“Hello?” She ignored his greeting with a squeal.

“Check your Twitter! Bucky, you’re trending! Here I’m putting you on speaker, we’re all here Buck!” Shuffling noises were heard through the speaker as Evie began reading the tweets to Bucky. Laughs from Cassie, Freddie and Penny could be heard behind Evie’s voice.

“Oh my gosh Eve! Just let the man get back to what he was doing!” Freddie yelled at an excited Evie, who retaliated with a scoff.

“Okay, okay! Just remember we have a movie night tomorrow! It’s Penny’s turn to pick so we don’t know what to expect.” Evie mumbled the last part into her phone speaker. Bucky heard the impact of a pillow hit Evie, causing her to grunt in pain. “Okay! We’ll talk to you later, Buck! See you soon!” She hung up the phone before he could get a word in edgewise. Bucky shook his head as he shoved his phone back into his pocket. Amanda approached Bucky asking to speak with him privately.

“So we’re getting a flood of interview requests from networks and papers. We would like to start running with this. We’ll have to go over everything with our PR guy, Ryan, but it should work out. As long as you’re comfortable with all of this.” Bucky smiled and nodded, following after Amanda as she continued explaining what would happen going forward.

He was nervous, of course, but he could tell these nerves were coming from a place of excitement instead of fear, which was a new sensation for the man. It wasn’t unwelcome, it was the same as when he first started hanging out with Cassie, Penny, Freddie and Evie. It was the same when he went on his first mission with the team. Bucky was ready to tackle this next adventure, whatever it would entail.

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stxrrywildflower · 4 years

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brother

pairing - spencer reid x reader

summary - you lose your brother to the hands of a killer

warnings - cursing, blood, injury details, character death (not major, just mentioned)

word count - ?

note - this was kinda just a little idea i had and wanted to write it :)

the team walked into the conference room on monday, ready for whatever case was presented. once sitting down, everyone seemed to notice that you were missed.

“where’s y/n?” morgan asked, looking over at spencer for answers. he shrugged, “i haven’t talked to her since last night.”

the second strange occurrence was that hotch motioned for garcia to sit down. he took the remote and stood in front of this team. all eyes were on their boss as he took a deep breath.

“i have to warn you, this case is going to impact us all emotionally,” hotch spoke. just as he hit the first button, pictures of two victims appeared on the screens and tablets; one male and one female. “is that?” j.j. started.

“lake placid, new york. two victims, clara smith and benjamin y/l/n. yes, this is y/n’s younger brother. she took the first flight out this morning upon hearing the news. we were called in due to the fact that benjamin had y/n’s name carved into his right arm.”

with the information presented, the team felt like a bomb was dropped on them. everyone met benjamin at least once. for spencer, he had met benjamin on multiple occasions.

“of course y/n is going to be affected by this, that is obvious but we need to be there for her. she is also most likely going to bring her in for questioning. then, she can pick whoever she wants to talk to and we go from there,” hotch spoke before adding, “wheels up in 20.”

after the team briefed on the plane and got their assignments, spencer moved away from the team and over to one of the seats in the corner. derek noticed the younger agents absence and sat down in the seat across from him.

“what’s on your mind kid?” morgan asked.

spencer rubbed he bridge of his nose before speaking, “y/n, she lost her brother to a killer. we saw how that affected hotch, i can’t imagine what’s going to happen with her.” derek leaned forward and rested his arms on the table between them.

“kid i know you’re worried about her, and you have every right to be. and i know you lost someone too, don’t act like i don’t know you and benjamin were friends. but right now, we really just need to be there for her and catch this unsub.” spencer presses his lips together and nodded. he thanked the older agent before going back to his own thoughts.

the team arrived in lake placid an hour and a half later. j.j. and hotch were going to the police station to set up, rossi and spencer were going to the morgue to look at the first victim, and derek and emily were going to where the latest victim was found. the body of benjamin remained there due to how little time had passed since he was found as well as the markings on his arm.

derek and emily pulled up to the hill overlooking the lake where benjamin was found. a couple local police officers were scattered around, checking for other evidence. however, they noticed a familiar figure, squatting down by benjamin’s body.

you stood up upon hearing a car pull in on the dirt being you. you then turned around to see derek and emily stepping out of the suv. you kept your eyes on the grass hill as the other two agents took in your appearance.

you were dressed in leggings with a white simple tank top and your black combat boots. a tan knitted cardigan that fell long down your back and was a little oversized in the sleeves. your eyes were red and puffy, no doubt from crying.

emily took a hesitant step toward you as derek moved past you to the body. no words were exchanged between the two of you as emily pulled you into a hug, cradling your head with her hand as you pressed your forehead into her shoulder.

“why don’t you go to the car. we’re going to the police station after we are done here,” emily spoke in such a calm and reassuring voice that you followed her orders and sat in the back of the car.

the other two agents made their way back to the after just a few short minutes. the body was being brought to the morgue for further inspection. the drive back was painfully long. as emily drove, derek noticed you in the back seat visible shaking. your head was pressed up against the window as you bounced your leg.

once arriving at the police station, derek jumped out of the car to alert the team of your presence as emily helped you out of the car. she kept her arm around your waist as she led you into the building. you felt all eyes on you as you walked in. you pressed your lips together and slowly looked up at your team. off to the side you noticed your parents, talking to one of the police officers. honestly, you weren’t close with your parents at all and you already greeted them.

spencer was the first to notice the tears begining to fall down your cheeks. he tossed down the file onto the desk before slowly walking over to you. “y/n,” he spoke in a soft voice. you didn’t say anything but instead wrapped your arms around him. he pulled you into a tighter embrace, not caring that his shirt was getting wet from your tears.

the team watched on as spencer whispered something in your ear. it was inaudible to them but upon seeing him lead you over to a chair before sitting down and pulling you into his lap was explanation enough.

“when she’s ready we’ll see who she wants to interview her. for now, morgan and j.j. interview the parents. find out what you can on the personalities and social life of these victims. rossi, head down to the morgue and find out the similarities. everyone else, victimology,” hotch ordered.

it took you close to a half an hour for you to fully calm down. rossi was just walking back in the doors when you had told spencer you wanted to do the interview.

“i’m ready,” you told your boss with a slight smile, trying to put on a brave face.

“alright who with?” hotch responded. you looked around the room at your team who were all doing their own things. “you,” you responded.

hotch nodded before leading you to the interrogation room. once entering, you took a seat as your team gathered in front of the window to watch your interview. they wanted to get better information but at the same time, wanted to be there for you.

“alright y/n, just for record, what is your relation to benjamin y/l/n,” hotch asked first. “older sister,” you simply stated.

“why don’t you start out with telling me anything about benjamin. then we will go into actual questions, okay?” you nodded to hotch’s words as you mentally prepared yourself.

you took a deep breath before starting, “benjamin and i were always close, practically best friends. since we’re two years apart, a lot of my friends were his friends and the same with my friends. we never had the cliche of not wanting to be around each other in high school. when i committed to nyu, he was so proud. prouder than my parents i would say. i was just so scared of leaving him. we really relied on each other. but deep down i knew he would be fine. benjamin wasn’t exactly popular but he was so nice to everyone. kinda became what he was known for,” you let out a slight chuckle at that.

“and then when i was 20, he committed to university of south carolina. being so far away from my brother was difficult but we made a habit of talking two or three times a week. and that stuck to today. when i told him i was applying and then got accepted into the fbi acadamy, i wasn’t sure who was more excited, me or him. he told me that he knew i would be such a good agent because i loved helping people. i moved to washington, d.c. and him to new york city. i didn’t get to visit him as much as i would like but again, we called. he was only supposed to be up here on a visit. he loved meeting the team so much. him and spencer got on so well because they both had such similar interests. and it really made my so happy to see them bonding,” you spoke.

“deep down you always have a fear that this job is going to take someone you love. whether it’s a significant other and a family member. i just never thought it could happen to benjamin and i don’t know what to do. should i be mourning him or jumping right back into work? nothing feels right. i just feel so fucking guilty that he’s dead. the killer wanted me here and took away my brother because of that. my own name was carved into his arm. i just don’t know what to do,” you managed to choke out. hotch stopped for a moment, moved slightly by your speech. before he would have to ask you the tough questions, he decided to give you advice.

“when i lost hayley, i felt like there was such a big gap missing. foyet took away someone i loved. but, i had jack and the team. both kept me going and helped me grieve but also move on and continue a sense of normality. the team is all here for you as well as your parents,” hotch said to you. he was about to respond but stopped when you rolled your eyes and laughed slightly. “i doubt they really care,” you grimaced.

“excuse me?” hotch responded, confused on your comment.

you leaned forward and rested your elbows on the table. “you know know deep down you have the feeling someone doesn’t like you? with both their body language and words? that’s how benjamin and i felt growing up. our parents made sure that they were around just enough that was legal and allowed but they never really seamed to care about us. when benjamin and i both went to college, they absolutely didn’t care. didn’t get a goodbye either. didn’t even show up to our graduations. they always hated us for not visiting but benjamin and i agreed that we wouldn’t unless we both felt that it was right to do so. i’m shocked if their mourning right now,” you revealed.

derek suddenly stepped away from the integration room just as hotch was asking you more questions and went over to the phone. just as the team followed, they heard him ask garcia for records on your parents.

“i think we need to look into y/n’s parents. i got a bad feeling from them when interviewing and i think what she said might be a key,” derek spoke in a hushed voice. from there, the team dispatched.

you and hotch exited your interview twenty minutes later. you were mentally exhausted from having to recall all these memories about your deceased brother. j.j. was the only one in the station. you heard her tell hotch where each individual member of the team went. you sat down at one of the desks and looked at the case file of the first girl. she was a high school senior, you had no clue who she was or why she was the first victim.

you decided to do some digging and dialed garcia number. “hey pen,” you spoke softly into the phone. “oh y/n, how are you feeling lovie?” the technical analyst responded. “i’m coping. this is just a curiosity question but did clara have any siblings?” you asked.

“she had an older brother. he moved to los angeles from new york and is currently on a flight back home,” garcia informed your. “alright thank you penelope, you’re the best,” you said as you hung up.

“hey hotch,” you spoke softly, gaining the attention of your boss. “clara had an older brother who moved away from home. i think that this might connect our victims,” you informed him. hotch obviously didn’t like that you were doing work but he dismissed it and looked at the file. “maybe he’s punishing the older siblings for leaving their younger sibling,” you suggested. hotch nodded and with a quick ‘good work’ to you, he was on the phone and out of the room.

days later, the team had a lead. your parents had rushed to the police station upon hearing this. the unsub wasn’t working alone but if they found one, they could find the others. as the team was begining to grab their gear, you reached to your side to make sure your gun was there. instead, you found nothing but an empty holster.

“hotch where’s my gun,” you asked sternly. hotch glanced up and motioned with his head over to where rossi stood. the oldest agent had your gun secured to the other side of his hip. “you aren’t coming,” was all hotch said as a response.

“like hell i’m not!” you exclaimed.

hotch as well as the team looked at you. “you are too emotionally invested in the case. we do this to any agent who is directly linked. stay here and we will be back soon.” with that, the bau team rushed out the door and to the cars.

you collapsed into a chair and put your head in your hands. all you could do was wait.

an hour later, the team walked into the station holding a man in his early 20’s. he held a wide smirk as morgan pushed him in. you stood up, stoned face with shaking hands.

“he did it?” you asked morgan, your voice barely above a whisper. derek nodded grimly.

“oh so you must be ben’s older sister! shame mommy dearest had to kill him. i don’t blame your parents, it really was your fault after all,” the unsub taunted.

your parents? you turned around to where your mom and dad were now standing. the pieces slowly clicked in your mind. you stormed over to your mom, pushing her into the wall and holding her neck against it with your arm.

“you killed him?” you asked sharply. your mom didn’t respond but you instead pressed your arm further into her neck. “answer me!” you yelled, tears welling in your eyes. the team had never seen you so angry and aggressive before.

j.j. and spencer rushed forward, pulling you away from your mom. spencer wrapped his arm around your waist and led you out of the police station. once in a more secluded area, you broke.

sobs racked your body as tears openly fell. spencer kept you in a tight embrace the entire time. you cried for your bother. you cried over the fact that your parents had murdered their own son. you didn’t even consider them parents anymore.

it had taken you awhile to calm down. spencer’s phone had started ringing, causing you to pull away. you managed to catch a glimpse of the caller i.d. and once seeing your bosses name, you nudged spencer. he shot you a smile before standing up and answering the phone.

a minute later, he returned. “hotch wants to know if you are staying here or returning back to d.c. with us tonight,” spencer spoke softly. “d.c.,” you responded blandly. your boyfriend spoke to hotch again briefly before hanging out.

“i don’t think i ever want to come back here again.”

on the jet that night, the team was in one corner, talking quietly amongst themselves, while you were in the other. spencer was convincing you to try and sleep. he stayed by your side, rubbing soft circles on your thigh as you slowly drifted off. once you were fully asleep, spencer stood up and took a seat next to emily.

“you think she’s going to be okay?” morgan asked.

spencer sighed, “i don’t know. her brother was murdered and she found out it was by her own parents? there’s a lot of trauma there.” hotch looked at his team. “i’m making her take two weeks off minimum. then, after a psych evaluation, she can return,” he informed them. they all knew you wouldn’t want to take a longer break than you had to.

spencer looked over at your sleeping figure before standing up. he was satisfied with the teams short conversation and made his way back over to where you slept, taking a seat next to you. you immediately leaned into his side as his arm draped around you. j.j. tossed spencer a blanket, smiling at the two of you.

spencer sighed, content before shutting his eyes and drifting off beside you.

#criminal minds #criminal #spencer reid x oc #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid #derek morgan #aaron hotchner #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #david rossi #penelope garcia

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robthomissed · 3 years

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Some thoughts on Jordan Binnington that no one asked for but I found his contract press conference very interesting

Okay, just gonna get this out of the way. Is Jordan perfect? Hell no. Has he made mistakes in the past? Absolutely. Will he make mistakes in the future? Almost certainly. But I do believe people can grow and I think Binner has that capacity. This is not an effort to redeem or defend him but merely me making observations and sharing my thoughts.

I just watched through the press conference and noted things I thought were interesting and tried to keep track of time stamps if you want exact quotes because this man's speech pattern can be hard to transcribe

2:00 – asked about how there are other goalies that make more money and haven’t won a cup but Army mentioned that he got the feeling from Binner that he wanted a good contract but was willing to maybe take a little less if it meant keeping a good team around him.

- Roughly paraphrased: “being on a competitive team matters to me. I’m not looking to crush the bank, it’s not all about money to me. At the end of the day what you look back on and feel in your heart is the memories made, competing, being successful, going through tough times and getting out of them, and being there for your teammates.”

3:00 – Asked if he has been able to reflect on his journey he took to get here

- First call was to parents/grandparents and talked to his girlfriend

- He then goes on to talk about taking a drive by himself around St. Louis and stopping and looking at notes in his phone that are from different times in the past few years about his mental and physical struggles

- He drove down to Enterprise just to reflect, then he drove past the Hilton by the ballpark where he stayed when he first came into the league, he thought about the baseballs games they went to during development camp, he drove past the restaurants where him and Eddy and the boys would eat dinner a lot. He talked about how those are the memories that stick out to him now and how proud he is of himself and the people around him who helped him.

5:00 – “I’m proud to be a St. Louis Blue. We already have so many memories made and I am very happy here in St. Louis, the people are so genuine.”

- This just made me happy. I have always thought that Jordan was happy enough here and wouldn't mind staying here but would maybe want to go somewhere else. Just the tone of his voice when he said this really struck me. He seemed to really mean it and it is nice to hear that he enjoys being here and that the people here are at least a small part of that.

6:50 – asked about his calculated personality and how sometimes he feels that he needs to do something like he did in San Jose

- He feels like reading situations and adapting is part of being a leader and sometimes you have to mix things up if stuff isn’t going your way

- It’s something he enjoys about his position. He sees that as an extension of his role as a teammate

- I personally love how sometimes Binner will just kind of lose it like that. He did it at least once before in juniors and so he knows when and how to do it. His teammates and coach love it and he knows that even if he is having a bad night in net that he can at least do something for the team. He has also said in the past that he believes that hockey is supposed to be entertaining so if he just doesn't have it that night then he should still do something to put on a show. I can respect that. Do I wish he didn't take a penalty for it in San Jose? Yeah. But in the end, I like what he did.

7:50 – Panger says hi to ask what kept Binner motivated throughout his struggles in the minors and Binner says hi back. It was just a nice moment and that is something I notice that happens with Panger a lot. The boys really respond to him and I think that speaks very highly of Panger.

8:58 – this man makes web diagrams which is so nerdy and I love it

- He talks about taking notes in his phone and putting in the work to get better. He seems really into introspection and reflection which I love. He acknowledges that it took a lot of work and meeting the right people along the way. All the simple things add up seems to be a theme in his life

10:00 – He talks about how the money isn’t what drives him it is more about making people realize that they should want to pay him that is his motivation.

- He talks about how he ended up in Providence with the Bruins organization because the Blues had nowhere for him to play. He talks about how good that was for him and how much he learned about himself and what it took to get to the next level there. The way he talks about us not having a place for him really stands out to me. He doesn’t seem upset or anything but it just feels like that put a fire in him to prove that we needed to make room for him.

12:00 – Asked about how if the contract hadn’t gotten done now that it probably would have been tabled until the end of the season

- “you’re in or you’re outright?” he would have been willing to go prove himself again and fight it out but he felt like this was a good deal.

12:45 – What is his motivation now?

- His motivation constantly changes. Lots of small goals that lead to bigger ones

- “We already have built such a great history in St. Louis, I wanna make the city proud. I want to continue to make my family proud. Just keep pushing myself to be the best athlete and person I can be I think that’s what keeps you alive”

Now I have been on record saying that I didn't think Binner had much loyalty to St. Louis or the Blues in the long term. Sure he would compete hard and be all in while he was here but I fully expected him to want to go somewhere for more money or where he might be able to be more of a spectacle since he enjoys the spotlight sometimes. But after hearing him talk here and some other interviews over the past year or so I think maybe he does realize how special it can be here. He is the goalie that brought us a cup and when you do something like that you are a hero forever.

I think Jordan is a little misunderstood sometimes in terms of how he emotes and the decisions he makes. he is very calculated about what emotions to show and when to use them. We call him Hockey Roomba for a reason. He reminds me a lot of a really good friend from high school who didn't look very exciting but once he trusted you it was a different story. I guess what I am trying to say is that Jordan is more emotional than we give him credit for he just controls them and channels them where he wants to.

Jordan also mentions respect a lot in this interview which was interesting to me. He seems to put a lot of emphasis on being a good teammate and having the respect of the people around him. He actually reminds me a lot of Jack Flaherty. They both have a high level of self-respect and compete from that mindset. They both aren't driven by money but expect to be paid what they believe they are worth. They both focus on staying in the moment and controlling what they can control and finding that inner fire to fuel them. And honestly, those are the kind of guys I want playing for my teams.

So congratulations Binner and I am happy you are here. Can't wait to see you keep growing as a goalie and a person.

#i just had a lot of thoughts watching that interview #my counselor brain kinda took over #this is a lot of word vomit so forgive the rough writing style #jordan binnington #st louis blues

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kevkesblog · 4 years

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Translation: Julian Brandt Interview for BVB Podcast (March 31, 2020)

ATTENTION LONG POST: probably the longest post on my blog so far. The interview went for about 32 minutes! He talks about how he spends his time at home now during the Corona-Virus, how people in his environment cope with the virus, how training goes in these special times. He also talks about the salary-cut BVB players agreed to and donations from football players and that story where he got badly sunburned in Spain once.

You can listen to the Podcast (Episode 4) with Julian here.

Well Julian, we are many meters apart. It’s a difficult time right now. How bored do you feel right now as a professional football player?

Ju: Thankfully I have this talent – where I can always find something to do within my own four corners. I did buy myself – long before everything started – a new grill. So I trained myself to become my own grill master. And just recently I started to mix songs on my computer…. Which is something I completely suck at!

Ok, ok… first of all: how do you train yourself to become a grill master? And you really weren’t talented in the beginning at all?

Ju: Well sure I‘ve grilled before, but I’ve never had my own grill – neither when I lived in Cologne nor here in Dortmund. Well the weather has been good here in the past one or two weeks. And so I had this great idea – to get myself a grill, as long as I was still able to…

So you got yourself a grill for 2000 euros with five burners….

Ju ….no, no, no. It has at least three burners (smiles).

Three burners?

Ju: Yes, three burners. Well no, I mean we aren’t at a TV cooking show here but… yeah it has a nice look.

Well you picked the topic. You have to get through it now. What stuff do you grill?

Ju: Everything possible. I got… burgers! Really good!

That sounds good…

Ju: I mean if I would do this as a franchise, I would say „Five Guys“ could wrap everything up and leave (laughs).

(laughs) Ok. Well you just made some great burgers. So if you guys out there want some great burgers go to Julian Brandt.

Ju: Now let’s talk about music, because it’s something I can also do…

Awesome! Music is something I’m interested as well. I’m not fully into that topic, but what are you mixing? Tell us!

Ju: Yeah, I mean I’m in contact with some guys who are at home. And we send each other many funny videos which has gone viral. And there was one video we saw with an awesome mix. It was from a young lady. Perhaps she was a DJane herself – I don’t know her though. So we thought it was really cool. And then I made myself a task and tried to replicate that mix at home. Because I had nothing to do. Yet, I reached my capacities pretty quickly… but I felt how I had developed… so yeah it was really cool and that’s where I started. Then I called one of my friends via Facetime… because I made it. And so I continued doing it.

Well we are still desperately looking for great content for YouTube, so if we can get some images of you grilling burgers, half-naked with your mixtape playing in the background…

Ju: …with an apron, where you can see my bare ass, right?

Not that I would personally approve…

Ju: (laughs)

(laughs)… but who knows. It will bring at least some clicks I guess.

Ju: Well I don’t know. I have to let that go through my head.

Go head. Now seriously though: today was training. But only in pairs, with some distance to each other, so that we are following all the current rules right now. Maybe you can take us with you and explain how that works and if this is a small step forward?

Ju: It definitely a step forward for me. It works like this: you will get assigned into a group of two. And they will appear at different times – and in different places. We have very big… how big is it? 15…

15 hectares, I think…

Ju: …15 hectares terrain. And we have some extra space now, because the youth teams and the academy are completely shut down at the moment. So we are split up: in the youth building, in our building and we have an extra athletic tent. And we also have the footballnaut. They are all split up from each other. So that’s how the groups are split up then. In that way, we are able to get all pairs through the day. I was there at… I think 2:30pm with Tobi Raschl. We spent two hours there, and it’s definitely something different instead of doing exercises at home. But it’s absolutely better for you – for sure…

Because you need a certain pressure, when somebody is watching you? I mean it’s something different for me when I run as a hobby on my own or in a group.

Ju: It’s a bit of everything. I mean honestly, sure: if you say I do some sport at home you do your schedule. You run. Perhaps you do some exercise… but in the end you finish after an hour or an hour and a half. Today we did a – actually more than two hour session and you have much more things you can do. I mean you have a huge pitch just for you. Sure you can do stuff with the ball. I mean I can’t do that at home here, I would shatter all glasses… and that’s also not fun at all (smiles)… So for us I would say it’s better than just being at home all the time trying to keep yourself fit.

Let’s play „make a wish“. In a situation like now where the entire country seems to be in a shutdown, with many people having fears about their livelihoods. Fears which you don’t have as football players, let’s be pretty blunt about that – but if you could play “make a wish” about your job situation, what would you wish?

Ju: With my job situation!?

Yes. What’s your wish for next weeks ahead? How should everything continue?

Ju: Well I can make a general assessment and I wish that everything stops very quickly. That everything goes back to normal. The baker can bake his breads; people don’t have the fear of losing their livelihoods. It’s something I would wish everybody. It’s not about my job – it about everyone‘s job. But sure, for us as football players – and I know I’m complaining on a very high level, I’m fully aware of that – but: we live for football. We’re not doing anything else. And sure we want to play again. I wish I would play in front of a full stadium again, sure! I think we have all accepted that this won’t happen anytime soon. I hope it will go forward – parallel to football. That generally people in our society can leave their flats and houses again – and return to their normal life which is something everybody is looking for right now.

How do you view your environment, your friends in this situation? How stressful is it for them right now?

Ju: It’s actually okay. Many of my friends are students. So they’re doing a lot of video conferences right now. I saw that with my brother. It’s possible. Sure it’s different than sitting at Uni and learning there and you can’t go away – usually you get more distracted at home. Yet, I would say: the situation is easier for them at the moment. They can learn at home as well as at university. My brother can combine both – he studies in Cologne, yet he can also visit my family in Bremen. Or he has time to see my parents – or our parents. I mean they are also his parents (laughs)… I really don’t feel the current situation it with them. But sure, I know a lot of people who are car dealers for example. Or restaurant owners. That’s really something different with them, yes.

Now: it’s not like you decided to play golf or tennis – an individual sport, but a team sport instead. You are being forced now to work out individually though. What’s the sort of thing within the team you miss the most at the moment? I know, you can’t even get dressed together at the moment. Even after every session you have to take a shower at home – so everything that makes up team sports, even training together, is now gone. What do you miss the most?

Ju: (thinks)…hmmm…. Yeah, what you miss the most is sure the chatter with the other guys, being among people, communicating. Everybody tries to stay at home. I live alone. I like to be alone – (smiles) – that is even an advantage for me! But sure – I don’t know, just a few weeks ago you could sit in a café – today you can be happy just to see six, seven or eight guys at training and chat with them. Those are things you miss after a while. And I’m quite sure, that’s how many other people are feeling at the moment, because they have to stay home. Yeah, but I’m just missing being among people, chatting, having an exchange… that’s something that revives a person. Especially for the elderly, for seniors. I mean it’s something fundamentally important, to talk with their grandkids – or children. I really have to say that’s something missing right now. But we are all in this together and you have to follow the rules.

Sure, I mean if I look at my three sons, they can play among each other and they have a garden they can play in, but there are also many people living in a three-person 60 square meter flat and can’t get out at all. And they are basically sitting on each other for such a long time now….

Ju: …yeah definitely! Definitely!

A salary cut – a topic that came up a couple of days ago. I want to talk about this head on. How did you follow that topic and how did it all played out?

Ju: We met on Monday last week, in two separate groups. So not as a whole team, but rather one group of German-speaking players and another group whose language is primarily English.

At the media center of the stadium, right?

Ju: Exactly. Not at the training center or the dressing room, but at the room where the press conferences usually are, because the room is much bigger. As well with a minimum-distance by the way… (smiles)

Oh really!?

Ju: …we were all sitting apart from each other. So not next to each other. And so we were discussing different stuff. It was not about the salary-cut first. It was more about: how the current situation is, what is planned. We can’t really plan anything. We are still looking from Monday to Thursday… from Thursday to Monday. We don’t really have a real plan as well. We try to plan the week ahead as good as we can. Now we train in pairs until Thursday. We then have to look again after that…

And if I can just jump in: I think the foreign-players also got a briefing about the medical situation in Germany. How many intensive care beds we have in comparison to other countries. Do you feel well accommodated? How does it look in your home countries? Has this also been a topic at your meeting?

Ju: Well, I wasn’t there of course. But there has been medical information shared. This wasn’t so much of a topic with us, because we were already pretty much informed about. But sure, it’s important that our guys from Belgium, France or England are being told about the current situation. And… I mean you really honestly have to say: the medical standards here in Germany are very, very, very good compared to other countries in Europe. I think it’s important for our foreign players to know, because they got families and you can comfort them in a certain way. In the end, we – of course – talked about that topic „salary-cut” as well. Aki Watzke made the suggestion – and it was very clear for us that we would do this. That we will do this. In the end it’s easy: basically we players are there to help the club on the pitch. To score, to prevent goals, winning titles… but we are also there to help the club in general. And it’s the same now to help them financially in the same manner as it will be on the pitch in a couple of weeks or months, hopefully. So in the end, we want to help in the best interests for the club.

I can imagine the current situation is not very easy for a professional football player, from a communication standpoint. There are basically two paths: one is I donate. I give something to society and make that public. And then I look through the Instagram comments and most followers write stuff like „ohh well, that’s the amount of money he makes within 18 days or 20 days. Now he has to elevate himself into the public – does he really have to do that?“ The other path is: I donate. I support people who are in need right now, and keep it for myself. That’s something totally fine as well. But the danger is: because nobody talks about it, people say „Those millionaires! There aren’t doing anything!“ How do you classify that for yourself?

Ju: (thinks)… hmmm….well we have in some way talked about it already. With me it’s more like – I prefer the second path. Let me be honest: I heard about the #wekickcorona which Leon Goretzka and Joshua Kimmich launched. He texted me and asked „hey are you interested in this? We will fully disclose about where the money goes to. Do you think it’s a great thing? So I wrote him after ten, fifteen seconds: „I’m in!”. That’s kind of a no-brainer for me in a certain way – like many people are demanding. However, I don’t have the feeling to be in every newspaper and make myself to some kind of hero because of it. That’s not who I am. I rather keep stuff like that to myself. Sure the fact I joined was made public by the „wekickcorona“-page – the amount of money was not mentioned.

Yet you haven’t done anything over your channels…

Ju: I put it into my stories for 24 hours. Because sure, it’s about generating more interest onto the page. You help the guys doing that. Yet I haven’t made great postings or announced „I’m in it with so and so much money“. It’s a thing with me, where I say: I have a good feeling for myself. Of course you will always have people, saying „I never read anything from you. You never post anything, therefore you don’t do anything and that’s why you are a guy who doesn’t show any solidarity with others and who doesn’t want to help others!” You will always have those people. And it’s okay for me. I’m totally at peace with myself. We just donated 2,5 million euros with the national team. And that’s not from the DFB bank account. It came from us players as well. Again, I don’t want to make this a bigger issue…

Well I have actively asked about it, you haven’t told me I should ask you about it, so…

Ju: In the end, the fact that I do something is important for me. It’s generally important to do something! We just had that topic. If it’s about helping people who are helping other people. Or people…. The bakery, the best example… helping them. Or the barber, in order for them to continue their businesses. It’s important. But this sort of self-staging is nothing for me.

Let’s get back to football. You talked about the national team. There is an important tournament missing now. It’s hard isn’t it?

Ju: Yeah… but it’s later now.

Doesn’t it make any difference?

Ju: Whether we play this year or next year… I think it’s good; we have some sort of buffer for the league right now. And honestly that’s my personal opinion - everybody can have a different viewpoint: I think it’s important for us to finish the Bundesliga season! If possible! If the circumstances are right. If everything develops into a positive direction. Perhaps, if the local health agencies also approve everything – I would deem it as important to finish the Bundesliga season. Not because I want to play football again. But rather because it’s about keeping the league together! So that clubs can stay around. I think it’s important for people in general in Germany….

Perhaps a bit normality…?

Ju: Definiately. But also that we won’t run into a situation with only eight Bundesliga teams – and other traditional clubs missing out because they haven’t survived. Of course, you have to assess everything carefully, of course, health is more important than football. But that’s why I say: if the local health authorities say „okay you can play football with empty stadiums“ I would think it’s important for us to have enough time in order to finish the season in May or June. That’s why I think postponing the EURO was the right decision.

Now as you probably have seen, there aren’t many employees here at the BVB offices. Everybody works from home now. So we asked some of them if they have any question for you. Of course, I would like to do that. Even if it’s just three or four questions. You can be seen on Instagram with a dog sometimes. Is it yours?

Ju: It’s our… the dog… I mean it’s not MY dog (smiles)…she is with my family, yes. But it’s our family dog. Can you say that? A Family dog?

Family dog, yes. What race is the dog?

Ju: A mix. A labrador-hovawart… very, very sweet! „Nala“ it’s a girl. Very, very sweet.

Good. What’s your favorite spot in Dortmund – apart from the stadium? Perhaps a spot you visit with your dog…

Ju: I like the spot around Phoenix-See.

I guess there are more people around that area doing sport than on our own training ground.

Ju: I haven’t been there too often yet. I was only there three or four times since I moved to Dortmund, seven, eight months ago. But if you know the history around the area and how they transformed a former steel mill into this nice area – it’s impressive. Having a café there is something I will look forward to.

Okay. Who among the guys do you miss the most right now? Now I’m curious to know whether you are still within in the Dortmund team or if you leap over to Leverkusen…

Ju: (laughs)… ehmm… Can I do both. I mean I do sit next to Marco in the locker room. I mean, he was annoying – quite often (laughs).. it’s really something I missing sometimes I have to say.

Marco is annoying? How?

Ju: Yeah, he is really a crackhead. We do and try to cheer each other up once in a while. There was this one situation which I really celebrated myself – even though I was the victim. I left my cellphone at the pitch one time, while I took a shower. And this idiot taped my cell phone onto my locker, switched the video on and left. So I my phone was filming all the time I was gone – for like 15 minutes… and it’s like total nonsense stuff all the time with him. It has no purpose. (smiles) Yet that moment was funny. And yeah… it’s something that is missing.

We had ritual at ice hockey in the past: whenever there is a new player on the team, the other teammates well how can I describe it – they basically peed into one of his shoes.

Ju: Well, okay those were the really hard times… (smiles)

You haven’t felt anything, and so you dove into your shoe and… it was just disgusting. Those were the times. Something like this doesn’t exist anymore, right? Like team rituals?

Ju: If those existed, I wouldn’t tell you…. (laughs)

Aha, well you’re not as open as I thought (smiles)…

Ju: Yeah, but sure there are a lot of guys I’m missing. Guys I want to see again. Sure there are some guys I haven’t seen for a while now in Leverkusen, a few friends in Bremen. One friend of mine is stuck in Munich right now. A guy from Bremen is stuck with his girlfriend in Munich (laughs)… he can’t leave. It’s sad.

So because you weren’t as open as I thought, you will get two heavy questions.

Ju: Okay.

Okay. Let‘s start: „We read that you are a great fan of musicals. The Lion King is one you like. Is that true? Why? And can you sing something for us?“

Ju: First of all: that’s correct. And – it’s the most awesome musical out there! It’s the only one I have ever seen, but I’m pretty sure it’s the best musical of all.

Favorite song?

Ju: (thinks)… ehmm…

I think, I only know „Hakuna Matata“…

Ju: That’s awesome, right… „Er lebt in dir“ I would say. But I won’t sing it. (smiles)

Aha okay…

Ju: Because then I have to do like cool voices, since that’s what they also do in the musical and then I would look like an idiot.

Okay. Too bad. It wouldn’t have been bad.

Ju: But… you have never been to a musical right?

Me? Well, I mean I have been to musicals, but not „Lion King“.

Ju: Well, then you have missed something huge in your life (smiles). Something REALLY BIG!

But I always have to watch the movies with my kids.

Ju: Yes, but your kids… I’m telling you… they will jump in a triangle when they see this!

Really? Okay…

Ju: Yeah, there is even a new musical out now. Harry Potter. In Hamburg. It was supposed to open, but it’s canceled because of the virus. Unfortunately.

Oh well, you gave me some recommondations to go to, whenever everything is over. The second question: „You are one of very few football players, without any tattoos. Is that still the case?

Ju: That’s still correct, yes.

Why? And why still?

Ju: Still? Well because I have no idea what the future will hold. Sometimes I have wild thoughts, but I haven’t planned anything yet. So I think it will stay like this. Why? It became sort of a „running-gag“ now here in Dortmund. Especially on Instagram with many people wanting to see me and Marco Reus next to each other in the summer. Because we aren’t really football players who look terribly tanned, in comparison to others.

Are you sort of the guy who goes on a vacation and after three days you are totally sunburned?

Ju: Yeah, I have a sun burn the first two days; then it peels of and then I really look like chocolate! (laughs)… or half-chocolate (laughs)… my skin always likes to peel off (smiles)… like really bad. I remember having a really bad day once. It happened during my time in Leverkusen. We had just qualified for the Champions League two games before the season ended. So we – let me guess – had four or five days off. So I looked to [Bernd] Leno and said: „What would you say, if we just go to Mallorca for two days!“ Just to lay in the sun, of course. We stayed close to the airport. So we caught a really early flight. We went to the hotel. Just like a small hotel, where you can sleep. We went to the beach – and I fell asleep – ON MY BACK!

(laughs) awesome… the „crab“ on your back!

Ju: I tell you: you can’t imagine what was going on on with my feet! They were totally burned! I couldn’t get into shoes for three straight days. I was walking around Mallorca with bare feet. The problem was: at some point training started again! It hurt like hell when I was shooting! (smiles)

And the coach was…

Ju: Roger Schmidt. Funny story: he was also on the same plane with us (laughs). So I had to go through the whole „peel-process“ again and everything was fine.

How did we end up talking about this?

Ju: I don’t know…. How did we end up talking about this?

I don’t know! David is sitting next to us.

Ju: Read the question again!

[talks to David]

Ju: Oh yeah… tattoos! Because I’m a bit like a „light-skin“. Well, my mom sits in my neck once in a while. It’s what I said it once or twice in newspapers already.

Oh, and she says „No“!?

Ju: She doesn’t say „No“, she says „You can do whatever you want“. But she thinks it’s shit. She says „Believe me, everybody gets a tattoo right now! In the future you will be the only one without a tattoo and you are something special then.

It’s absolutely innovative! I mean imagine: in 50 years from now you will end up in a seniors home and you are the only one without a tattoo!

Ju: Up until now there is nothing planned – independently from the question whether it would fit to me or not.

So that’s it I guess. Is there anything you’d like to tell us?

Ju: No, but I really like chatting with you. But otherwise I would drive home, sit on a chair and stare against a wall. Is there something you like to add?

No. But I can give you grill tips.

Ju: Yeah!?

Direct grilling, indirect grilling… pizza on grill…

Ju: Awesome!

- END -

#julian brandt #julianbrandt #bvb #borussiadortmund #bundesliga #dfb #diemannschaft #German NT #bayerleverkusen #german football

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nightklok · 4 years

Note

51 for chickles for the kiss prompts!

76 Kiss Prompts [Open]

This turned out SO long and I’m sorry-I was able to use an idea I had been wanting to use for such a long time so thanks so much!!!!

51. Public kiss Word Count: 1920

Pickles was a jealous person and he had to admit that if it wasn’t obvious enough. Most of the time, it was over stupid things he’d regret later on when he had a clear head. Though he couldn’t help but feel that this jealousy (or envy?) was justified with the fact Nathan had publicly announced his new girlfriend for possibly the umpteenth time this year alone. His girlfriend of the month was Trindle and while she seemed nice enough,it most likely wasn’t going to last.

He wasn’t jealous of Nathan’s relationship at all and in fact, quite glad to not be in that endless loops of dating and breakups to try and find someone. He was purely jealous that he could just announce his relationships so openly without a care in the world.

He was happy with Charles and had been from the moment he met him to being able to actually date him. He wasn’t as stuck up or cruel like dating other celebrities would be but he had one rule on their relationship; it couldn’t go public.

The reasoning was understandable. Dethklok was just taking off and if they had even announced such a thing, it most likely would mean the end of the band or Charles’ job as their manager. It would appear too much like favoritism, would be too unprofessional, etc, etc.

But that was at the start of their career and many years, awards, and record breaking sales later, Pickles had to wonder if that rule had become outdated. Surely the reasons they had to keep their relationship private just simply wasn’t necessary anymore.

He ended up asking the question when he was hanging around his office, waiting for him to finish up work for the night. He sat down next to him, laying his head on his shoulder as he watched him type something up on the computer.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Charles asked. He didn’t even need to look at him to tell he had something to say.

Pickles fell silent for a few moments, “When can we go public?”

He didn’t look at him but he did stop typing. His answer came just seconds later after trying to ponder about it, “I’m afraid we can’t anytime soon, Pickles. It’s just...not ideal.”

“Well, why not?! Nate can announce a girlfriend every damn month and we can’t announce we’ve been dating this whole time?”

“It’d appear more as ah...a conflict of interest to the public if we announce that. Nathan mainly dates celebrities or regular people so it wouldn’t be as controversial compared to us.”

Pickles couldn’t help but grow more frustrated, “But we’re past the point of that, Charlie. We’ve been dating way longer than a month!”

“I know but even then, this would have to be something carefully planned out. But where did you get this idea all of a sudden?”

Like rolling waves, whatever frustrations he was slowly pouring out calmed over, “I guess I’m just tired of having to say I’m single in every damn interview. We’ve been together for years and it’s not fair I can’t even hold hands with you in public. It just sucks, I guess.”

“I understand how you must feel but when the time comes, I promise we’ll take that opportunity. We just have to be a bit patient.” He answered. He turned to him and took his hands as he kissed his temple, “I promise it’ll be worth the wait.”

He couldn’t stay mad at him for long. He knew how to calm him down. He kissed him on the lips this time and used one hand to pull his chair just a bit closer, “It better damn be. Now you should finish up that work now so you can relax tonight.” By relaxing, it meant more along the lines of doing anything but as the word intended but it was more than enough to let the conversation end on a high note and be quickly forgotten about.

______

It was months later and while he was a bit disappointed nothing had ended up changing, Pickles was content enough to just be with him. It was Snakes N’ Barrels’ anniversary and magazines were coming out with special editions on the band alone. Familiar photos mixed with new photos that somehow never got released were published in the pages as old and new articles about the band were displayed. There was one particular photo however that ended up getting surfaced and quickly became the hot topic around the band.

Photos of Pickles (or any of the band members, really) kissing men wasn’t even a noteworthy story anymore and well known at this point. It was one newly discovered photo of him kissing some familiar guy that ended up becoming the discussion.

It was a photo from their earlier days, possibly their first tour. Someone took a behind-the-scenes photo of backstage after a show. Crew members were walking around, a reporter talking to some of the members or another seen with a random chick by their side. It was as normal as it could be but a detailed zoom in revealed the true reveal of it. Pickles’ red hair was easy to see a mile away, off in some corner of the wall where no one was paying attention to him. He had his arms wrapped around another man’s shoulders as he kissed him. The other had his arms wrapped around his waist, seeming to pull him closer.

It didn’t take long to find that man because quite frankly, it was easy thanks to the internet. All it took was online sleuthing and looking at other photographs and the man was revealed not long after the magazine published that photo. They recognized it as none other than Charles Offdensen himself. With the fact Charles’ college yearbook had shown him in the exact hairstyle and jacket in some of the clubs he was on, it was incredibly hard to even deny it.

“So, what do you wanna do?” Pickles asked once the magazine got in their hands and they were staring at the page with the photo in it.

“I guess a quick press conference would be necessary firstly. To try and answer questions and make sure this doesn’t get as out of hand than it already is.” Charles answered. Even though he did look neutral, it was easy to tell he was just a bit nervous about it. It wasn’t like with the other scandals that could be so easily brushed under the rug. It was a photo, clear as day, and it couldn’t be denied. Any thought, possibility, outcome he had for an excuse on the photos was quickly shut down by his own logic. Telling the truth was the only route.

Pickles knew that most likely Charles was going to give some bullshit speech that it was true but they weren’t together. It hurt but it was something that had to be done and there was no denying it. He knew he was still loved; it was just simply a bad time to be a famous celebrity dating his manager, “Well, we did look cute in that photo.” It was really the only thing he could say.

____

The press conference was scheduled a few hours later and the room was already packed with reporters from all over the world.

Honestly, Pickles was prepared to give off some rehearsed speech that whatever they had then didn’t carry over to the present and they had a strictly professional relationship and more words he didn’t really believe in. But Charles didn’t even give him a piece of paper to read off on or tell him to do anything.

He didn’t even had note cards or paper or anything to read off on for himself. He simply kissed him gently, “Just trust me on this.” And that was the only thing Pickles had to do.

He walked alongside him to the stage, reporters quickly flashing cameras and shouting questions that couldn’t be heard. He stood alongside him as Charles stood behind the podium and adjusted the mic.

“I realize by now my word isn’t even needed anymore but the photo that’s been circulating around recently is authentic.” He began. And just like that, reporters quickly began shouting. He waited for them to fall silent for him to continue, “But I would also like to add we have been in a private relationship for quite a while now. It has never affected how I treat the band and with how successful the band has become over the years, I think that should speak for itself.”

He at least was decent enough to allow a few questions and once Pickles found his tongue, ended up answering some as well. Mainly about how they met, when they began dating and other trivial questions.

“We’ll be taking in one more question.” Charles said and picked out one person in the back row.

“This is a question for both of you; How do you two see your future together going forward now that it’s public?”

It was a simple question but it was one that held a lot of weight.

They doubted their relationship would really change; they had already spent years building to a close relationship. It was simply how they would behave in public around each other.

“Uh, maybe more aquarium dates?” Pickles answered for himself, “I uh don’t think it’d really change much to be honest. Other than it going from like a few people to now millions knowing about us.”

“We’re past that point about being concerned about how others may perceive us. It’s just simply not necessary to have to keep this relationship a secret like we have for years before. I think we have proven that we’re able to keep this That is all the time we have. Thank you for your time.”

Charles took Pickles by the hand to pull him close, and kissed him, cameras flashing and people shouting in disbelief. Even Pickles was surprised at first but didn’t protest. He closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around him as they shared a deep kiss that would end up blasted all over the internet by the time they walked off.

Eventually they pulled away and walked off backstage without another word to the press.

Pickles was all sorts of emotions but that didn’t stop him from being to able to articulate a thought, “Dude, what the hell?! You really must’ve ruined your reputation out there!”

“We’re a part of the world’s largest band. Even if my reputation was affected, I don’t think it’d even cause a dent in our sales or reputation in general. Besides, I think we’re just confirming what everyone else thinks.” He answered, “This is probably the only opportunity we really have to be public, so why not take that chance?”

He couldn’t help but laugh. It felt so unlike him to take such a risk but at the same time, it was possibly a carefully thought out risk, “I thought it was me that had to do that kind of shit.” He had to admit though that it was nice. He finally didn’t need to hide that part of himself anymore. The part that truly loved Charles. For all the hell his past brought him, this had to be one of the few things that wasn’t bad at all. He didn’t want to let this go. He hugged and kissed him, looking up at him, “So about that aquarium date..”

#offdensmith #Caffeinated Insomniac Writings #my writing #not on ao3 #metalocalypse fics #charles foster offdensen #pickles the drummer #chickles #Thanks so much again rowan!!! <3

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yandere-daydreams · 5 years

Text

A little Yandere!Viktor (Yuri!!! on Ice) for the lovely @k-doodles-stuffs . I’m not terribly familiar with this character, but I hope that y’all will find this as fun as I do.

Word Count: ~1000

You’d always liked interviews.

With someone as flashy as you, a camera an over-enthusiastic host was an excuse to tease, and brag, and avoid serious questions in exchange for flirting with whatever audience member you found cute that day. It was fun, and you never had to give too much away. Privacy was something you held close, after all.

Well, privacy was something you used to hold close. Before Viktor came along and tore it away from you. Just like he’d torn your family away from you, and your friends, and your career. Your personality would’ve been done-for too, but Viktor had to leave something behind. Just the thought filled you with contempt, and seeing him smile, draping an arm over your shoulders and leaning into the loveseat behind you, only strengthen your desire to wrap your hands around his throat and squeeze. But, you could barely muster anything but a few shy waves and a hesitant smile.

Despite your obvious anxiety, the host just smiled, falling into a single seat and propping her feet up on the table between you. Her hair was trapped in a ponytail so high, your scalp hurt just from looking at it. You only noticed her jacket once she turned to face you, a mass-produced version of the one you would’ve worn a year ago. A fan, obviously. Maybe that was why Viktor choose her.

“So, the lovebirds…” She trailed off, smirking in your direction. With a dismissive nod, her normal grin returned, only scaring you further. “Go ahead, I know you two don’t like to be that far apart.”

You opened your mouth, ready to tell her that you were already as close as you could be, but Viktor didn’t give you the opportunity. You could feel his arms wrapping around your waist. By the time you realized what he was doing, you were already in his lap, Viktor’s chin propped on your shoulder with an unearned familiarity. In a more private scenario, you would’ve just made some excuse or pushed him away, but you didn’t want to know what he’d do if you embarrassed him like that in public. Playing along, you kicked off your shoes, melting into his chest. You could hear Viktor purr, choking down a compliment you were sure would make your skin crawl.

“Sorry about this,” He chuckled, nuzzling further into your neck. You flinched, but it couldn’t have been visible. You were being held too tightly for that. “I just love my little angel so much… Did you know we’re getting married, soon? I can’t wait for you to see how lovely she is in a wedding dress, and more importantly, how beautiful I’ll be in a suit.”

The host rolled her eyes, like the very topic of something so gushy disgusted her. You were tempted to join her, honestly. “Believe me, I know. Who do you think is planning to crash the party?” Cue a laugh from the audience, and a worryingly dark glare from Viktor. She gestured vaguely to the sickening display of affection in front of her, regarding you more fondly than she had Viktor. “How’d he manage… this, anyway? I’d never pinned (Y/n) as the sentimental type. I’d thought she was going to focus on recovery, considering your last press-conference.”

“I’m not,” You mumbled, letting the statement slip-out before Viktor could answer for you. Still, you corrected the mistake quickly, letting out a light laugh and swinging your legs happily. “But, this guy managed to pry his way into my life. He refused to leave me alone until I agreed to let him coach me, and eventually, he managed to seduce me with all his training regiments and diet plans.” You shuddered at the things Viktor made you do, pulling you in with promises of improvement only to break you down, until your confidence replied on his approval. Most days, you worked yourself to exhaustion just so he’d do something besides eating away at your skills. “Didn’t make him go easier on the sprinting, though.”

“As for her leg,” Viktor continued, gesturing towards the injured limb. The bandage wasn’t visible beneath your jumpsuit, but you could still feel hundreds of eyes burning into your skin. “I’m afraid recovery isn’t a possibility, anymore. Her Achilles tendon was completely severed.” He paused, his tone too apologetic to be innocent. But, you were long past caring about who’d actually cause the ‘accident’. It didn’t matter who dropped that skate, or who sharpened it so jaggedly, there was still a scar stretching from your ankle to your knee. One that Viktor assured you wouldn’t heal, if you were lucky. “It’s a tragedy. On the bright side, you’ll never have to jog again, dear.”

The host laughed, along with the majority of the audience. But, her hyper, high-pitched voice managed to catch you off-guard. “And I’m sure this whirlwind romance isn’t popular with your fans. You two were rivals a few months ago, I mean. And didn’t (Y/n) call you a ‘delusional, goddamn stalker’ many, many times before you got together, Viktor?”

You cringed, already regretting being so… open with your feelings. That clip was one of Viktor’s favorites, the one he’d play as he held you in his lap, telling you that he’s so glad you changed your mind. During his ‘private training sessions’ (a more romantic name for the times his words weren’t enough to keep you in place), he’d have you recite those three little words until your throat was sore, if only to give him the resolve to carry-out whatever he had planned out. Even at the small reminder, you could feel Viktor growl against your skin, pressing a quick, toothy kiss into your jugular. When he spoke, his voice was lower than it had been. More serious. “People change their minds. It’s human nature. Someone was just a little scared of me, at first. Did you know she used to be one of my biggest fans?”

Used to be. But, you shrugged, trying to brush this off as casually as you could. “I guess I was intimidated, and I might’ve said a few things I didn’t mean.”

“Then you seem to have a type, Mr. Nikiforov,” She chuckled, pausing to lean forward. “Tell me, do you always date your students? Between (Y/n) and your last partner, Yuuri, your only pick-up line seems to be ‘Hey, wanna win gold?’.”

“If it works,” Viktor replied, pulling you closer. You didn’t have time to object before his lips met yours, forcing a drawn-out (albeit soft) kiss onto you. By the time he pulled away, your fists were clenched at your sides, the imprints of your nails carved into your palm. But, you smiled, resting your forehead against his and stringing your arms around his neck. “But, we’re going to be together for a lot longer than Yuuri and I were. And with that injury, I think I’ll be taking very good care of my fiancée, for a very long time.”

You frowned as his grin widened, fingertips trailing delicately over your scar. But, you took his hand regardless, the coldness of his engagement ring burning your skin. “Til death do us part, right?”

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paradisobound · 5 years

Text

Behind Hazel Eyes: Part 2

Summary: Dan’s known Lucas since college and he’s never been so convinced that two people are meant to be together. He loves Lucas more than anything. But when news report of a serial killer striking around the town, Dan begins to notice signs in Lucas that leave him nervous. With the help of his newfound friend Phil, Dan pieces together the parts of Lucas that he somehow missed before anyone else loses their lives–and before Dan loses his own.

Warnings: serial killer, blood mentions, horror, disturbing content. Please heed all warnings

Word Count: 2.8k this part

**READ ON AO3** | **READ PART 1**

“How did you find out about our library?”

It’s a few days later and Dan is sat across from Phil, a set of hand-written questions on the notepad in front of him. He feels like he should have been more professional about this but he didn’t have a lot of time to prepare. Lucas had called him just as soon as he left the apartment to tell Dan he left his important Law textbook in their bedroom. So Dan turned around and went back to grab it before driving to Lucas’s campus and making his way back to the library.

By the time he got there, he was late to opening the doors of the library―not like anyone was there to notice, it was Mary’s day off. And there was never anyone busting down the doors to get in. Most of the time, their only visitors were people who came in for a second to pick up a loaned book and then they’d leave without looking at anything.

Nevertheless, Dan was still short on time and now here he is, sitting in front of Phil, with scribbled notes on his piece of paper.

“Well,” Phil says, his voice a bit higher in pitch than Dan’s, which Dan had to admit was catching him a bit off guard. “I saw your ad on Facebook asking for summer help and I thought I would check this place out.”

Dan nods. “Be honest,” he says with a laugh. “Is this what you expected?”

Dan knows that the answer is going to be no. The library is dust-covered, cobwebs in the upper corners that neither Dan nor Mary are bothered to get. The books haven’t been touched in months. Their computer is even rendered so old that it can’t be updated. They don’t even get funded by the city much anymore because the library is so underused. The only reason―or so Dan’s heard―that the library is even still open is because of the city’s ordinance that there needs to be at least one public library within the city’s limits and this is the only one.

Phil shakes his head. “Not really. But it’s quiet. And I respect that anyway.”

“We don’t get many people who come around here,” Dan says. “I don’t know why but I feel like it has something to do with the fact that most people can just find their resources online and not in a library.”

“Have you ever thought about holding some Summer events?” Phil asks. “I mean, I apologize if I’m stepping out of line or if I seem ignorant because I don’t know much about the library. But maybe hosting events for children or teenagers to go to will show people how much a library actually means?”

Dan cocks his head and looks at Phil, finding their eyes meet in the middle as Phil gives him a puzzling look―almost as if he’s not sure if what he said was okay. “That’s actually a genius idea,” Dan says. “But I’m not sure if we can find the funding. We’ll have to look.”

“Well, if I’m given the position,” Phil begins. “I can work on organizing events? I feel like I’d do quite well at that.”

“That would be amazing!” Dan says, immediately forgetting anything else about the interview and the questions he was supposed to be asking. “I’m not even bluffing, I just think that could really help us out. I know Mary would really like that we did that while she was gone.”

Phil smiles at Dan and as Dan catches it out of the corner of his eye as he turns his head off to the side to set the notepad down, he feels his breath catch in his throat. There was something kind of amazing about Phil’s smile. He couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was…but it caught Dan off guard for a moment and he found himself wanting Phil to smile again just so he could see it.

“So…”

Dan snapped out of his haze and immediately sat up straight. “Oh! I actually believe you’ll be perfect for here.”

“Great!” Phil says, his voice genuinely sounding happier than it had when he arrived here.

“If you want to hang around a bit, I can work on your paperwork and honestly, we can set up your times to come in? I know you’re supposed to be a Summer position but I’m honestly okay with you starting earlier and helping me plan some events? I really did love those ideas.”

Phil nodded and they both stood up from their chairs in the conference room. Dan motioned for Phil to follow him out into the library and just as they walked past the doorway, into the main area, Dan stopped dead in his tracks to see someone standing in front of the counter, his fingers tapping against it.

“Lucas?” Dan asked, his voice an upward inflection as he looked at Lucas standing there. “What are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t stay on campus any longer so I thought I’d come and visit my favorite guy.”

Lucas’s smile was wide as he walked around the side of the counter and cut through the opening to Dan. He opened his arms wide and wrapped them tightly around Dan’s waist, pulling him in close.

“Did something happen on campus?” Dan asks.

Lucas pulls back and presses a kiss to Dan’s cheek…then another one…and another one…and finally, he kisses Dan’s lips, slotting them together with practiced ease. “Just was stressed and needed to take a break.”

“I’m sorry,” Dan says, genuinely feeling that way. He does feel bad whenever Lucas says he’s stressed. He doesn’t know how it feels to be going through all that he does with studying Law but he has a feeling that it’s much more than he should be put through. But it’ll be worth it in the end when he gets to watch Lucas’s face as he gets word that he passed his Bar Exam.

“Thought I’d come here and destress a bit,” Lucas whispers. “But I see you’re not alone.”

Dan blushes. “I’m about to work with a new employee.”

“Hm…too bad.” Lucas comments, biting down his neck a bit. “Was looking forward to fucking you on the counter.”

“Lucas!”

Lucas snickers and pulls away. “I should leave you alone so I’ll see you at home. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Dan sees Lucas out and then when he comes back, he immediately feels embarrassed. Phil is still stood behind the counter, trying to look around and not make it obvious that he was feeling awkward about the entire situation.

“I’m so sorry.” Dan says. “My boyfriend likes to come into the library every once in a while to see me.”

Phil just waves it off. “No bother.”

Dan forces a smile and walks behind the counter again, bending down to pull out an old dusty binder and standing back up to pass it to Phil. “Here is the code of conduct if you want to read it.”

Phil takes the binder with a huff at how heavy it was and sets it off to the side as Dan snickers to himself.

***

When Dan gets home, Lucas isn’t there and while Dan normally doesn’t think anything of that, it does kind of bother him a bit that Lucas wasn’t back. As he walks into the living room, he notices that the pile of papers that he had adjusted yesterday were back to being a scattered mess.

His need to straighten up the papers precedes anything else so he drops his car keys into the bowl next to the door and walks over to fix them. He sits down on the couch and moves to the edge, grabbing the piles of papers and adjusting them to be straight again. Dan nearly has them all in a perfect pile again when he notices a clipping from their local newspaper.

He takes it in his hand and looks it over. He doesn’t even remember the last time he’s even touched a newspaper because aren’t they pretty much obsolete? He pulls the paper through his fingers and sees quickly that it is an article on the serial killer. It’s a statement from the police begging for people to come forward with any information that they may have.

Dan feels his heart swell a bit in his chest and his stomach tighten. Why did Lucas have this? It felt so out of character for Lucas to have this clipping in his pile of law work. Unless he needed it for a class?

Dan looked it over again and then set it back down in the pile, choosing to ignore it. He honestly didn’t want anymore reminders that that person was running around and slaughtering people. He didn’t want to think about that as he sat alone in his apartment, waiting for Lucas to get back from wherever he has gone to.

Dan reaches out and grabs his laptop that he had left there from the night before. He opens up his screen and wakes up his computer, logging onto social media to see what was happening. He went onto Facebook to scroll through his feed since his mom still is eager to post there and nowhere else. He makes it through just two posts when a news story pops up on his feed and he feels ready to shut his computer.

“Police say that victim has DNA under fingernails from the killer. Could be the first new lead in weeks.”

Dan feels simultaneously relieved and also stressed at the same time. These news headlines were making him uncomfortable and he wished he would stop seeing them. However, this breakthrough is enough to tell Dan that maybe this nightmare would be over soon and everything could go back to normal in their town. He can’t help but notice how nothing seems normal anymore around here since the killing began.

In actuality, Dan wishes that Lucas would be done with college so they could move away from here and start fresh somewhere else. He really doesn’t like living here, but he only moved here because Lucas got accepted into their law school and he and Lucas wanted to live together.

He continues to scroll through his feed to see pictures of people from high school with their kids or overly expensive dogs that they got from breeders. He finds himself getting bored and he closes the screen of his laptop and reaches for the remote to turn the TV on. This time, as soon as the news begins to play, he presses the buttons for 176 and makes his way to HGTV instead, watching Chip and Joanna flip more houses. He honestly cannot wait until he and Lucas have their own house one day.

It’s a weird thought, Dan says to himself in his head. He’s still young, just 25. But he still feels like he’s too young to be an adult. He’s been out of college for four years now but he still feels like he should be enrolled in classes. Lucas is going on 26 now, and although they were apart in age, Lucas was still completely focused on his studies to pass the Bar exam. He’d been preparing for it for so long now, it was actually kind of crazy to think about.

They met in college at a frat party, as cheesy and cliche as that sounds. Dan laughs about it now, but at the time, seeing Lucas stood outside of the crowd with his red plastic cup in hand and his brown hair perfectly styled made Dan feel a certain way. And maybe the alcohol flowing through his veins helped a bit as well when Lucas took him to bed that night in some random bedroom in the frat house. It was the first and only one nightstand Dan had ever had, or so he thought at the time. But they slowly found their way back to each other over and over again, Lucas always wanting sex and Dan always being more than willing to give him it. How it led to a relationship still blows Dan’s mind a bit but God, he feels so lucky that it did. He feels so grateful that one night, after downing a whole large pizza during finals week, Lucas kissed him and asked him to be his boyfriend.

Dan has seen Lucas at his highs and at his lows. He’s seen Lucas cry because his grandmother passed away. He’s seen Lucas laugh so hard he’s cried over something he saw on TV. But he’s also seen Lucas get quiet, and not speak to anyone for weeks. He’s seen Lucas push him away. They’ve been on the verge of a break-up, ready to give up and move on. But that doesn’t happen because they love each other. They’ve been together for 6 years now since Dan was 19 and Lucas was 21. Dan can’t honestly see his life without him anymore. And yeah, they have no plans for a wedding or to buy a house until they’re financially stable, but that doesn’t mean Dan can’t dream about it.

Dan doesn’t even realize he just sighed out loud to his own thoughts until he hears himself. His cheeks flush and he directs his attention to the TV, pulling his knees up to his chest and sitting back on the couch, ready to have a night to himself.

Lucas comes back not that long after, his backpack slung on his shoulder and his sweatshirt a bit crumbled. Dan can’t help but feel like he looks really disheveled and not well put together.

“The rest of your day okay?” Dan asks.

Lucas looks at Dan and just shakes his head, not even speaking a word. He bypasses the couch and heads into their bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Dan jumps a bit at the aggressiveness of it but shakes it off. A few minutes later, he can hear the shower running so he lets the tension leave his body and he settled back into the couch again.

When Lucas comes out a bit later, he’s freshly showered and wearing a pair of old college sweatpants and an old gym shirt. He makes his way over the couch and falls down onto it beside Dan, reaching up and running his hands through his sopping wet hair.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Dan asks.

Lucas lets out a loud sigh. “I―I just don’t know anymore.”

“Don’t know about what?”

“This,” Lucas says. Dan’s heartbeat picks up speed. “Like, my professor today was speaking about some fucking law that I needed to know and I just…I’m suddenly having doubts if I’m even cut out to be a lawyer.”

Dan lets out a breath. “You’re going―“

“―yeah, yeah. I’m going to make the best Defense Attorney…I already heard you tell me that before.” Lucas snaps.

“I’m sorry,” Dan says, pulling his legs closer to his chest. “I just want you to know I’m here for you.”

Lucas turns his head and looks at him. “I know, baby. I know.” He reaches out and strokes Dan’s knee. “I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just really overwhelmed right now.”

“I know. It’s okay.”

Dan doesn’t say anything more but Lucas begins to open his mouth to speak when he catches sight of the papers on the coffee table. “Did you touch those?” Lucas asks, whipping his hand away from Dan’s knee.

Dan looked down at them and felt his breathing stutter. “They were a mess so I picked them up?”

Lucas groaned. “Don’t touch my shit, Dan!” His voice rose in anger. “I have important papers in there! You can’t be touching all of that and screwing them up.”

“I’m sorry!” Dan quickly apologized. “They were literally thrown all over the coffee table and I picked them up.”

Lucas leaned back on the couch before promptly standing up and grabbing the papers from the table, holding them in his arms. “Don’t touch these, Dan.” He snarls. “They’re not your business.”

He stomps off angrily to their bedroom and slams the door behind him. Dan remains on the couch, his eyes watering and his vision blurring. Lucas has never done that before, get mad at Dan for something like that and yell at him. He feels like a reprimanded child who got in trouble for touching his parents’ things. He lets a few tears fall and then the sobs come next. He doesn’t know why but his heart even breaks a bit too.

He’s still crying on their couch when Lucas finally comes back out a few minutes later. When he sees Dan, he immediately rushes over to him and wraps his arms around him, holding Dan tight as Dan cried into his chest. “I’m sorry, Dan. I didn’t mean to yell at you. You didn’t know how important those were to me. I’m sorry. Don’t cry. You know I don’t like it when you cry.”

Dan takes comfort in Lucas’s chest and he remains in that position for the rest of the evening until they go to bed for the night.

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #smut #fluff #angst #princesslexi763fics #tw serial killers #serial killers tw

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hockeysrus · 5 years

Text

Kick Open The Closet Door

Reader: M Player: Jamie Benn (Dallas Stars) Rating: T

Ask Box: Open

☆ The first time you came face to with face with Captain Jamie Benn was outside a restaurant in Dallas.

☆ “Hey,” you said, “I thought I was going to be the only person out here.”

☆ “Too many people.” Jamie shrugged, “Needed some air.”

☆ “Not a big fan of crowds.” You inquired.

☆ Him simply nodded his head.

☆ You two soon struck up conversation and by the time Tyler and Ben came to get him, he had asked for your number, “It’s hard to find good conversation.” He said.

☆ You gave up your number easily, you told him good night and headed back in the restaurant yourself to finish the meal off with your family.

☆ You two talked often, texting, DMs in Instagram, calling, skyping, you did it all. You two watched television over the phone, o he sent you clips he wanted to analyze for the next game.

☆ You weren’t super into hockey so you weren’t starstruck by him, you guessed that’s why he liked talking to you. You treated him like any other guy, not the captain of a team heading to the semi-finals of the playoffs.

☆ You honestly couldn’t even tell him which other teams were playing, “Um.. Boston?” You said unsure.

☆ “Actually that’s right.” He chuckled.

☆ You two kept talking long after the season ended, sometimes he went dark for a few days, but you didn’t mind.

☆ Until one night you rolled over to look at your buzzing phone, it was a series of text messages.

☆ Jamie: [Y/N], I don’t know what I’m feeling, but when I think of you I feel happy.

☆ Jamie: I’ve never felt this way for another man

☆ Jamie: Am I gay?

☆ You called him, and with a yawn you said, “You’re not gay, you’re bi. And are you into me?”

☆ “Yes.” It was the smallest Jamie ever sounded, but you thought it was sweet. This vulnerable voice that he never showed to anyone, but he trusted you enough to see it.

☆ “I like you too, Jame. God, I really do.”

☆ “What do we do now?” He asked. The captain never asks like that, but right now Jamie wasn’t the captain. He was Jamie Randolph Benn, he was just a man. And he was a man who has realized he has feelings for another man. And that other man was you.

☆ You spent the rest of the night trying to talk out what happens next. You told him he didn’t have to rush coming out and when he comes back home from Boston you’ll talk out what to do next.

☆ When he came back to Dallas you two had a long talk, some wine was poured,some kisses were shared, but overall it was a discussion about what to do next.

☆ “Don’t ruin your career for me.” You said.

☆ “Nothing you do could ruin anything.” Jamie assured as he kissed you once more.

☆ You two kept your relationship a secret for a good while, just playing everything off as friends since everyone saw him as “single”. You even got more into hockey, watching every game that Jamie played in. Cheering him on in the jersey he gave to you.

☆ You visited him in his hotel room in L.A., you were there on a trip and he invited his boyfriend to visit him.

☆ “Oh Captain.” You said, pulling off your shirt and letting it fall to the ground. Jamie simply put his hands behind his head and grinned, it was the first time you saw him grin like that. All teeth. It wasn’t for the cameras or the reporters, it was all for you.

☆ You went down on him that night.

☆ You often talked about what it meant being together, what it meant for him to come out as bisexual and how your lives would be changed. You didn’t pressure him in any direction, you knew what it was like to be the only gay person on a sports team as you player hockey in high school.

☆ “I love you.” He said one evening after a game, he held your hand gently under the covers.

☆ You kissed him on the forehead, “I love you too.”

☆ It took two years of dating before he decided on taking that risk. He had come home from a game and wrapped his arms around you, “I think it’s time.” He was locked in a contract past 2020, he was the captain, he was at the top of his game.

☆ “You’re worth the risk.” He whispered into your ear.

☆ You couldn’t help but cry in his arms and holding onto him tightly, you never thought you’d ever hear those words.

☆ Jamie wasn’t going to make some big press conference, he wanted to come out in his own small way. When sitting in the locker room being interviewed, the interviewer asked, “Anyone special in your life?”

☆ He answered, “Well there’s my parents, my brother, my niece, all of them. But there has been someone extremely important in my life. We’ve been together for a while. His name is [Y/N] and he uh, means a lot to me.”

☆ You watched at home with tears in your eyes, you weren’t one to pray but for the first time in a long time you hoped that nothing bad would happen to him or his career.

☆ Things went, well, interestingly. His teammates were supportive, even Tyler apologized for trying to hook Jamie up with women before, Jamie simply said, “Well I like both.” with a shrug.

☆ The media was both supportive and unsupportive, most questioning if Jamie could be the captain is he looked at men, that way. But, now there was a new following of fans for the team, many seeing Jamie as an inspiration and often that weighed out the negative press.

☆ After a while the press circuit moved on, but you still had Jamie. He still came home after every game to you, he still kissed you, you two still cooked together, you two made love in that big California King Bed. You two still had one another, and nothing was going to change that.

#m reader #jamie benn #jamie benn imagine #nhl #nhl imagines #nhl oneshot #nhl hockey #nhl playoffs #hockey imagines #hockey #hockey oneshot #dallas stars imagine #dallas stars

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dnkaus · 5 years

Text

Fateful Visions | Chapter 33: Closure

Namjoon x Reader (OC)

Summary: We learn about the villian of this story. Maya and Namjoon face the mental repercussions of experiencing trauma and come in terms with their own selves and their relationship.

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Previous Part: Chapter 32

2 years after Maya’s Kidnapping

It had been a few years since the kidnapping. The case had closed about a year and a half ago and the decision was that Maya’s infamous kidnapper would go to jail for 15 years. But there are two sides to each story. Up till this point, you had gotten to learn a lot about Maya and Namjoon. But you may be wondering, who was Maya’s kidnapper? Who would be so cruel to hurt another human in such a way? Why did the previous chapter end the way it did? Well, it’s time for this story to shift attention. Let’s meet the villain of this story. Let’s meet Kim Ree-Mi, the woman with the red dress that Namjoon met in that dark room.

Kim Ree-Mi is the daughter of a well-known businessman in Korea. She has an MBA from Harvard. But besides being very well-educated. Ree-Mi is also quite generous. She volunteers at the homeless shelter every Saturday and donated a considerable amount of money to BTS’s #EndViolence campaign. Ree-Mi also used to have a fansite before the kidnapping incident. Yes, her fansite was dedicated to Namjoon. As mentioned in her conversation with Namjoon, she had known about BTS’s music even before they debuted. She went to almost every event and dedicated her life to BTS. You can say, she was in love. A love that was so strong that she often couldn’t understand how to process her feelings. Every second of her life belonged to Namjoon and BTS. She barely slept at times, making sure Namjoon was sound asleep.

You may be wondering, how did she know whether Namjoon was asleep? Well, these things are so easy to find out nowadays. Tracking phones, cameras, and easily influenced staff members, all helped Ree-Mi keep her eye on Namjoon at all times. No matter what part of the world Namjoon was in, Ree-Mi was there too. Money can get you anything in this world...well, almost anything.

Some consider Ree-Mi as a saesang. And she would proudly admit that she was. Her love for Namjoon wasn’t the stupid superficial type like the other saesangs. Her love was real. And there was nothing in this world that could change her mind about that. She did stop keeping an eye on Namjoon after going to prison. But even during that time, she would often write letters to Namjoon asking how he was doing. He never responded. But that’s okay.

To get to the point, Ree-Mi only had one motive to kidnap Maya. Ree-Mi wanted to see how real Maya’s love was for Namjoon. Was Maya even capable enough to be with Namjoon? To find out Ree-Mi had kept an eye on Maya’s every move since Maya and Namjoon went on their first date and in the end she had concluded that Maya and Namjoon had some deep connection. That would be the only possible explanation of why Namjoon would risk so much for someone so ordinary such as Maya.

Ree-Mi wasn’t jealous of Maya...Okay, maybe she was a little jealous. But honestly, she was mostly intrigued by Maya. She was intrigued by the way Namjoon would look at Maya. Ree-Mi often imagined what it would have been like if Namjoon had looked at her the same way he looked at Maya.

But alas, he never did. So, in pure frustration and anger, Ree-Mi began to bother Maya with those threats. Initially, those threats weren’t meant as anything. They were just meant to ruin Maya’s day. However, one day when Maya and Namjoon did an interview for the Huempathy campaign and Ree-Mi saw the way Namjoon defended Maya, a part of Ree-Mi sort of collapsed and she gave in to her urge of hurting Maya. That afternoon when Maya went back to her dressing room, Ree-Mi had left her a note.

“You have two choices. You can either leave this campaign and Namjoon right now or suffer the consequences”

Maya stupidly chose to run to Namjoon and she forgave him for hurting her. In fact, Maya and Namjoon even spent the night together after that press conference because Maya was afraid she would die soon, if the threats were true, and wanted to spend whatever time she had left with the love of her life. But at the time, Ree-Mi thought, by choosing to become closer to Namjoon, Maya was asking for a war.

And so the war began. A war that had a very dissatisfactory ending. Ree-Mi ended up hurting the one person she wanted to protect. Her weapons ended up hurting Namjoon more than anyone else. She can never forgive herself for that. She will never forget the pain she caused Namjoon and the guilt that she knew would eventually consume her.

To cope with the guilt, Ree-Mi spent the first few months in prison thinking about ways to apologize to Namjoon. That was why she had written the letters. But when she didn’t receive a response, she knew she had to choose another way of dealing with the guilt. During her time in prison, Ree-Mi also reflected on her actions towards Maya and realized that if she truly loved Namjoon, she would also respect his love for Maya.

That’s why Ree-Mi decided to write a story.

The story that Ree-Mi wrote was about a woman and man that were meant to be together and they would have visions about the future when they touched and looked at each other. But due to fate, they suffered various obstacles to be together. Ree-Mi hoped that Namjoon would read this story and realize that Ree-Mi had come to the realized that she had no place in Namjoon’s life and that was okay. Ree-Mi will always view Namjoon and Maya as prime examples of soulmate.

With that, I announce that I am Kim Ree-Mi, the writer of this story.

Each and every word of this story is just my perception of Maya and Namjoon. This story represents my love for Namjoon and the love of his life, Maya. Everything you read so far was just my take on Maya and Namjoon’s relationship. Me, a saesang and also the villain of the story. You must be wondering what I gained out of writing this story. Well, actually I gained a lot.

These past several months have really made me question what it means to be a fan. Do I hold even a little space in my idol’s heart? Does it even matter whether my idol knows who I am in the grand scheme of life? If the idol and fan relationship means nothing, then what is the meaning of everything I worked for these past several years? Is it Namjoon’s fault that he didn’t fall in love with me even though I was there in front of him this whole time? Or, is it my fault for believing that I could be with him without ever truly knowing him? Who is Kim Namjoon? Who is Kim Ree-Mi? What is my identity outside of being a terrible saesang that almost killed her own idol? I thought I would ponder these questions until my last breath. But writing this story made me realize, there was no right answer. I started as a fan of Namjoon’s music, but along the way, I forgot my own identity in the process of loving him. This story made me realize, I was only an outsider in Namjoon’s life. That is what we’ll all always be. Only Namjoon and Maya would know themselves.

In the end, Namjoon and I could not be together in this life, but maybe in another, we’ll end up together. I hope Namjoon and Maya both live a peaceful life and I apologize for the trouble I have caused. May they both live happily ever after.

Publisher’s note: Kim Ree-Mi passed away right after submitting her final draft of this story to us. Please note that we did not know she would take her life when she had began writing the story. We pray she rests in peace.

———--END OF FATEFUL VISIONS————

Epilogue

Note: This portion of the story is not written from Kim Ree-Mi’s perspective and is not a part of “Fateful Visions.” This is the real Maya and Namjoon.

6 Months after Namjoon was released from the Hospital

It had been some time since the incident. It had been a while since Namjoon had been inside that dark room where Maya was kept. But those images still felt fresh inside his head. Namjoon held on to his desktop mouse tightly as he felt a sense of panic come over him suddenly. He was just sitting at his computer, working on a song, when a random melody triggered the panic. For some reason, the melody reminded him of the incident and that elicited the stress. Namjoon gripped the mouse tightly, trying to take deep breaths. The images of Maya being stuck in the room, the feeling of getting shot, both kept lingering inside his head. Namjoon felt like he couldn't breathe.

He felt like he was about to faint. His back brace, from the physical rehabilitation center, was starting to feel tight suddenly. Like he was suffocating in his own skin. He clenched his jaw, trying to fight the feeling, fight himself, and turned off the speaker. The melody stopped playing and suddenly felt a wave of relief. He tried to breathe again. Soaking in the silence.

All of a sudden he heard the door to his studio open and heard footsteps followed by someone setting something on the table behind him and suddenly someone covered his eyes. Namjoon was about to panic again until he realized the softness of those hands belonged to none other than Maya.

“--Maya” Namjoon mumbled.

“Happy Birthday, Joon” Maya tenderly replied.

“Thanks...sorry, I was just working on a—” Namjoon’s sentence was cut off as Maya held up the object she had placed earlier on the table behind him. It was a small cake.

“Don’t be sorry...I am sorry for barging in like this, but I wanted to get here earlier before our appointment so I can give this to you.”

Maya handed Namjoon the cake with a small candle on it. Namjoon smiled and took the cake into his hands.

“Didn’t we already celebrate last night?” Namjoon asked in confusion. Last night Maya had kept Namjoon awake, so that as soon as the clock had struck 12, Maya and the other BTS members could surprise Namjoon with a small party. It was just in BTS’s apartment and it was really just them, but still, the party had gone on till the early morning.

“Well, that party was more for the boys. They planned that whole thing and I was just a device to keep you distracted.” Maya laughed. “You can say I am selfish and I wanted us to have our own little celebration,” Maya added. “That’s hardly selfish…I wanted to spend time with you too.” Namjoon nodded and calmly responded.

“Okay now blow out your candle before the candle wax ruins the cake!” Maya urged.

Namjoon closed his eyes and blew out the candle, making a small wish.

“...Happy Birthday to you!!! Yayyy!” Maya sang the birthday song with just as much enthusiasm as she did last night.

Maya took the cake from Namjoon’s hand and handed him the knife so he can cut the cake. Then they both shifted over to the couch in his studio, feeding each other a bite of the cake.

“This is nice…” Namjoon stated suddenly.

“Yeah, it is…” Maya replied. “So, should we head out for our appointment?” Maya continued.

Namjoon sighed. “yeah, let’s just get it over with”

“You are still afraid…” Maya responded.

“I just hope you don’t leave me after talking to the therapist.” Namjoon was only half-joking.

“That’s not how it works, Joon!” Maya retorted with a slight eye roll.

“Good!” Namjoon said.

Maya helped Namjoon settle into his wheelchair and rolled him out of the studio. Namjoon was still recovering and so he was still using a wheelchair to get around. For the past 6 months, he had been visiting multiple physical and occupational therapists, learning to walk and move around again. Maya was also recovering. Physically she was in much better shape than Namjoon, but mentally both Namjoon and Maya were not doing as well. Things like this change people and their relationship.

A couple of weeks ago, Maya’s younger sister had come to visit Maya in Seoul. Through conversations, she suggested that both Maya and Namjoon go see a therapist. Not only for themselves but for each other. At first, both Namjoon and Maya were hesitant but eventually agreed to give it a try. Han Bi recommended the name of a therapist and both Namjoon and Maya decided to make an appointment.

As Namjoon and Maya arrived, Namjoon was asked to wait in the lobby by the assistant and Maya was led to the doctor’s office first. Maya paused and stared at the door of the therapist and noted the name. Dr. Park Jia was written on the door. Maya took a deep breath and knocked lightly. She was not ready for any of this. But she also knew if she didn’t do this now, the emotional and mental wounds would fester even more.

“Come in” someone inside replied.

Maya opened the door and walked inside. First thing Maya saw was dark wooden furniture and an enormous bookshelf that was filled with what seemed like textbooks.

“Hi…” the lady sitting at the desk replied. The woman was beautiful. She looked like she could be an idol or a model. Her eyes were warm and friendly, yet if one looked closely the may see some sort of sadness within them. Perhaps, it was listening to other people’s sadness, that had impacted the woman to this extent. The woman smiled as she made eye contact with Maya. Her smile seemed familiar to Maya.

“...I am Dr. Park. But you can call me Jia…” Jia, the woman at the desk continued. She spoke in fluent English.

Maya smiled in return and made her way to the desk and responded in English. “Hi, I am Maya.”

“Nice to meet you Maya, please have a seat,” Jia replied.

“You speak English?” Maya asked as she sat down and noticed that Jia barely had an accent.

Jia blushed slightly and replied. “Uh...yeah, I studied Psychology in America...plus I wanted to make you feel more comfortable and thought it would be easier if I spoke in your native language.”

Maya laughed. “At this point, I feel like my Korean is better than my English, to be honest. But thank you for being so considerate.”

“Well, that must be true, since you also wrote your book in Korean.” Jia laughed as well while speaking in Korean.

“Where in America did you study Psychology?” Maya asked.

“I went to UC Berkley” Jia responded.

“Wow, California huh? I am from there too.”

“Oh really? I always heard you were from Arkansas.” “Well, no, that’s where I did my graduate degree.”

“Ah! I see.”

Both became silent for a second.

“How do you know so much about me?” Maya suddenly asked.

Jia laughed again. “BTS and Maya Shroff are pretty famous in Korea. I don’t think there is anyone that doesn’t know you all.”

“Ah... yeah... you are right. I guess I am still not used it...” Maya slowly responded, suddenly remembering the cost she had paid for this fame.

Jia awkwardly cleared her throat. “So, anyways, today, I wanted to sort of create a structure for how we want to do this. I can help you as much as you help yourself and so the question is really what would you like to attain from your time with me? Or, what are you having trouble with?”

Maya was surprised by the question. She had no idea what she wanted from her therapy sessions. She hadn’t given much thought.

“Honestly...I am not sure.” Maya responded after a few seconds.

“That’s okay. We can figure that out today. But for that, I may have to ask you some questions that you might feel uncomfortable answering. Is that okay?” Jia smiled again. It was strange, but every time Jia smiled, her smile reminded Maya of someone she knew. She couldn’t pinpoint who.

Maya nodded.

“So, let me ask you, what do you usually do nowadays? Are you working on another book?” Jia asked.

“Uh, no...I have just been I guess resting recently. My family visited recently, so I have been spending time with them as well.”

“Ah, yes do you have any siblings?”

“Yeah, I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters” Maya stared at her hands in her lap as she responded.

“Woah, that’s a big family. Are they all in America?”

“Right now, yes…”

“Hmm, do you miss them sometimes?”

“Sometimes, yes…”

“I always wondered, how did you get interested in Korean literature?”

“I think the language is beautiful and the stories are always fascinating. I guess I just feel like I can express myself better in Korean.”

“In what ways?” Jia probed.

“I am not sure...it’s just easier for me to write in Korean and sort of articulate my emotions through Korean words. I guess I never thought about why that is. Maybe I was meant to come here so my heart always gravitated towards the language.”

“Ah, that makes sense. Does that mean you believe in fate?”

Maya didn’t respond at first. She turned towards the small window in the office that was on her left.

“I think I do.”

“Does this mean you believe that your experiences are your fate?”

Jia’s words sort of rung inside Maya’s ears. The last time she had really thought about fate was when she was receiving the threats.

“I mean it has to be some form of fate for me to meet Namjoon or to have my blog become so big or to...even experience what happened six months ago, don’t you think? A tear escaped Maya’s eyes. She quickly wiped it.

“What about your choices? Don’t they play a role in your outcome?” Jia asked.

“It’s not like I chose to fall in love with an idol or have a stalker following my every move”

“No, you didn’t. And you definitely did not choose to experience the pain you are feeling right now.” Jia replied. “...But, it does not mean you do not have a choice now.”

“What do you mean?” Maya asked.

“I guess we don’t choose the outcomes, but we choose our path that leads to different outcomes. And we can choose our responses to those outcomes. When I asked you if you believe your experiences are due to your fate, your first response was to jump to the conclusion that I was referring to your relationship with Namjoon or the kidnapping incident. But honestly, I was just referring to your experiences in general.” Jia replied.

“Maya, you have suffered through something that is beyond traumatic and your feelings and your pain are absolutely valid and normal. But you have your whole life ahead of you. You can either choose to define the word ‘experiences’ with your kidnapping or you can change your definition of the word ‘experience’. I think we have found your goal. What do you think?” Jia asked.

Maya paused to think about Jia’s words for a second. For the past six months, everyone around Maya talked about the same things, the same incident, and the same problems. The police, the media, the company, the fans, everyone wanted to remind Maya of those few days in that dark room. But the truth was, Maya couldn’t remember much from those few days. She was always drowsy and tired and numb. The things she did remember were just the weapons that they used to hit her and the hands that had touched her body. Even in those moments, the sensation of pain was almost foreign, as her body would freeze, almost working as an anesthetic.

“Yeah...that would be nice,” Maya answered.

“It might be a lot of work though. Will you be willing to do the work?” Jia asked.

Maya nodded.

“Good. So let me ask you, have you felt anything different since coming out of the hospital?”

“Like what?”

“Like do you feel safe? Do you feel in control of your body?”

Maya thought back to the previous night. She was sitting and watching TV with Namjoon, but she flinched when she heard the doorbell. It was just Seokjin dropping off some food, but even that doorbell had forced Maya to break into a sweat. She knew that was not a normal reaction.

“Sometimes, I get scared by the most trivial things. It used to be that I was only afraid of someone raising their voice with me or when someone made sudden movements towards me. But nowadays, I get scared even by a doorbell.”

“Oh really? Since when did you become scared of people raising their voice around you?” Jia noted something down in a notebook.

“I guess ever since I was little, but more so after I met my ex...he was...not the nicest person…”

“Do your parents know about this?”

“Ummm...no, not really…”

“Why do you think this started when you were little?”

“I am not sure... I guess my family and friends say I was always a scared little girl. I remember I was so nervous to move to Arkansas.”

“Sometimes fear is really just a mechanism to protect us from more danger. We can help alleviate the fear by showing you instances where sudden movements, doorbells, and loud sounds don’t always mean danger.”

Maya nodded.

“I have a question for you, Maya. Please feel free to say you don’t want to answer it right now. But I must ask, why do you think you didn’t tell the police earlier about the threats?”

Maya pursed her lips. This was a question that everyone had been asking her for the past several months.

“I had received my first threat after I went on the first date with Namjoon. I have never told this to him because I know he would feel even more upset if he ever found out...And then the threats stopped for a long time. But then they started again when I got back in contact with Namjoon. Also, I decided to do the Huempathy campaign because I felt like women like me don’t have a voice sometimes. Honestly, Namjoon and I were not on good terms when we started the campaign. We weren’t even together at the time, we were just pretending. I had told Namjoon about the first threat, and that’s why I had the...the bodyguards. But then, I felt like if I told him about the other threats, he would have forced me to step back. And I didn’t want to step back. So I didn’t. Besides, I didn’t think something would actually happen.”

“Wow, you seem to have a lot of thoughts about this. Have many people asked this question?”

“It was the only question that I have been getting these past few months.”

“Well, I have a task for you. I want you to think of all the times in your life that you remember feeling unsafe or you flinched and write it down, that way we can talk about it and process it together. You might have started to associate everyday things with fear or you may have started to associate Namjoon with feelings of unsafety. We can try to work through that together so you can change your thoughts about it.” Jia replied.

“It’s not that I associate Namjoon with feelings of unsafety. He is the only person I feel safe around, to be honest...I just notice that something feels strange between us ever since the incident.” Maya admitted.

“How so?” Jia wanted clarification.

“We haven’t talked about the incident with each other since it happened. I mean at least not one on one.”

“Hmmm...do you think you are afraid of having the conversation? Or do you think he is afraid?”

“I think it’s both of us.”

“Do you think you are afraid this incident has taken a toll on your relationship?”

“It has. But I don’t know how to fix it.” Maya finally broke down.

“How about you write down what you want to say to him. Sometimes writing it out is easier than talking and if that doesn’t work, you can practice talking to me. What do you think about that?”

Maya nodded. She hadn’t written a single word in the past six months, but hearing Jia saying this gave Maya at least some motivation to open up her laptop again.

“Yeah, I will try writing it down.”

“Alright, Maya our time is coming to an end today. But I do want to say that you are already doing an amazing job handling this. You know what to work on now, and that’s the best place to start. It won’t be easy, but I think you can do this. You can do anything. Right?”

Jia handed Maya a kleenex and smiled. It was strange but looking at Jia comforted Maya. Maya stood up from her seat.

“Thanks Jia. It was nice meeting you.” Maya bowed and prepared to leave the room.

“Yeah, same here,” Jia replied and stood up from her seat, following Maya to the door.

Jia came outside with Maya and followed her to the lobby where Namjoon was sitting with a notebook and a pen in his hand. He was writing something.

When Maya went up to Namjoon, Namjoon looked up. Namjoon gave Maya a smile and put his notebook in his pocket. Then Namjoon’s gaze shifted towards Jia.

“Hi, I am Dr. Park Jia...you can call me Jia.” Jia introduced herself and bowed.

Namjoon was still in his wheelchair and still wearing his back brace so he bowed only slightly.

“I am Namjoon. It’s nice to meet you,” Namjoon replied.

“Shall we go in?” Jia suggested.

Namjoon nodded and tried to wheel himself towards the office. However, Jia went behind him and helped him instead. “I can help.” She said.

Maya sat down in a chair in the lobby while Jia helped Namjoon with the wheelchair and rolled him into her office.

When he got inside the office, the first thing Namjoon saw was the bookshelf. It was massive and was filled what seemed like textbooks. He also noticed that there were 3 copies of Maya’s book Wan Blue Night. Namjoon felt a surge of guilt. It had been months since Maya’s book came out, and to be honest, he had not read it. He should have read it. But he couldn’t. Every time he looked at the book, a sense of pain would take over him. Seeing Jia have 3 copies of his girlfriend’s book made him feel even more guilty.

Jia noticed Namjoon looking at the books, so she went over and held up one of the copies.

“Ah, I can’t believe Maya Shroff was in my office just now and I forgot to get her to sign my copy! I can’t believe myself! I’ll have to remember it next time I see her.” Jia took the book over at her desk and set it on the corner and looked over at Namjoon.

“Uh yeah...it’s okay, I am sure Maya would be happy to sign the copy for you,” Namjoon replied.

“Yeah, she is quite sweet.” Jia agreed.

Namjoon finally looked over at his therapist, Jia. And it was crazy but he felt like he had met her before. Jia’s face and smile were abnormally familiar. It was like he was experiencing Deja Vu. Or, perhaps it was Jamais Vu.

“I am sorry but have we met before?” Namjoon suddenly asked.

Jia was taken aback by Namjoon’s sudden question. She laughed. “Uh well, if being at your last year’s stadium concert counts, then yeah I guess we’ve met…”

“Oh, you came to our concert?” Namjoon blushed and asked. All these years and he was still not used to having fans in the most ordinary places.

“Yeah, I have only been to one of your concerts, but it was great! I thoroughly enjoyed it!” Jia exclaimed.

“...but to answer your question, I don’t think we’ve met. And don’t worry, I am not an ARMY by any means. I am definitely Maya’s fan.”

“Oh it’s...it’s not a big deal. I mean…” Namjoon didn’t know how to word his concern.

“No, it’s okay... I know it would have been uncomfortable if I was an ARMY. But I assure you, I only know as much as an average person might know about you and Maya.” Jia assured.

Jia’s guess was right. Namjoon was worried that if Jia was an ARMY, that would completely change his dynamic with her. In the past few months, Namjoon was feeling quite unsure how to react around fans, considering everything that had happened with Ree-Mi.

Jia saw this as a way for her to find an in towards Namjoon’s feelings.

“How are you doing Mr. Kim Namjoon?” Jia asked directly.

“I...I am doing okay.”

“I am asking Namjoon how he is doing, not RM.” Jia clarified.

Namjoon looked towards Jia, her eyes were warm and comforting, but Namjoon also noticed some form of sadness in her eyes. He wondered what the sadness was about.

“ I am not sure what you mean…” Namjoon asked.

“I am asking how you as a human being outside of idol life are doing? What have you been up to? Any hobbies? Or plans?”

Namjoon knew what Jia was asking, but truth be told, he still didn’t have much of an answer.

“I am doing okay. Just recovering and working on music. It’s really hard to do anything with this back brace and wheelchair…”

“That’s understandable. What activities did you use to do before…?”

“Before I got shot?” Namjoon was direct. Unlike Maya, he hated when people tried to beat around the bush about the kidnapping incident. He didn’t want sympathy from people. Namjoon and his girlfriend had enough of that already. He wanted justice. He was still angry.

“Yeah...before you got shot.” Jia picked up on Namjoon’s anger from the way he said the phrase.

“I mean I used to like going to the Han River and biking. I also liked going to exhibits, but I honestly never really had time to do much of that once we started doing more tours and albums.”

“Do you think you as Namjoon would like to do that now?”

“I am not sure. I feel like things are just different now.” Namjoon replied.

“Why is that?” Jia probed.

“...I think I just don’t find those things as much fun anymore.”

“That’s okay. People change and we start developing new hobbies. But for that, we have to give ourselves some time. You mentioned you started working on music again? How is that going?”

Namjoon remembered the panic attack he had experienced earlier in the day. His motivation to produce music had depleted. He was only using music as a distraction from his own thoughts, and he knew that.

“It’s going well I guess…”

“Oh really? Music is really powerful. It can be healing at times, but it can also actually be quite painful at times if you start listening to the wrong songs.”

“I have never heard that before…” Namjoon gave Jia a puzzled look. “I don’t know if this is true in your case, but I know that for a lot of people listening to some melodies can create panic. Has that happened to you before?”

Namjoon sighed. “Yeah, it has.”

“Do you know why you feel this panic?”

“I don’t know. Every time I hear the melody I am working on it reminds me of that woman. Maybe the intonation of her voice that my brain sort of associates with this melody.”

“This might not be something you want to hear, but have you thought about just taking a break from music.”

“I mean I can’t just quit music. I have obligations that I am already not fulfilling. I can’t perform for a year at least...It’s unfair to my members how much time I am taking away from performing. I have put them through so much already…”

“Yes, maybe...but don’t you think it’s more of an inconvenience for them to see you in pain?”

“I feel terrible seeing them having to perform without me. They already have so much going on and on top of that, I am not there…” Namjoon sighed.

“What kind of relationship would you say you have with your group members?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean do you talk to your members about your personal life?”

“Oh...of course, I remember when I first considered dating Maya, the first person I told was Yoongi hyung…they are the most important people in my life. They are my family.”

“Okay, well here is another question, what do you see when you look in the mirror?”

“A man with a terribly broken body,” Namjoon responded bitterly.

“Well, I see a miracle. I wasn’t aware of what was going on at the time when you were shot. But I remember the morning they took you to the hospital, the news were saying you were dying or would be dead soon. And they were showing millions of messages on SNS and other fans crying in videos. It felt terrible to think that we would never see you…and I barely even know you”, Jia paused and folded her hands together, adjusting her posture.

“...Since you were direct with me earlier, I will be direct with you. Namjoon you just came out of a near-death experience. Your family, your girlfriend, your parents, all almost lost you. But all those things aside, you didn’t die. You are alive and well, sitting in front of me, against all odds. If you had died, there would not have been a BTS leader RM or Kim Namjoon. But you didn’t. So now what? You are getting a second chance. So what do you want to do with this chance?”

Namjoon thought about it for a second. “I am not sure…”

“And that’s okay. That’s what we are here to figure out. Your body might heal quicker than your mental wounds. In a year maybe you might physically feel better and think you are ready to perform, but mentally you might not feel ready, and that’s okay. If your members are your family, they’ll understand. Because you would understand too if they had been going through the same thing, right?”

Namjoon nodded. Jia wasn’t scolding Namjoon, but the way she was talking to him made him feel like he was talking to an old friend, rather than a therapist. He needed someone to talk to him so candidly. Someone who wasn’t going to sugar coat things or try to show sympathy.

“I guess I am just worried because I am the leader…”

“Or, maybe you are afraid they won’t need you if you are gone too long…” Jia had hit a sensitive nerve inside Namjoon that he had never even noticed he had. “Your biggest pride is being the leader of BTS. Without it maybe you don’t see yourself as valuable…”

Namjoon pursed his lips. He was not ready to hear that. Was he so easy to figure out? How had Jia figured him out so easily?

“I am proud of BTS. I am proud of RM.” Namjoon clenched his jaw and responded. He knew that the answer was terribly superficial, but that’s all he could say.

“And what about Namjoon?” Jia asked.

“RM is part of Namjoon. A very important part.” Namjoon responded.

“But it’s not the whole picture. From what I am seeing, you have mentioned your music and your obligation as the leader. But have failed to mention your other aspects...such as yourself and even your relationship with your parents or your girlfriend.”

Namjoon was irritated because he knew Jia was right. He thought back to the night at the Grammys when he found out that Maya was missing. He stayed there at the event, and for what?

“Are you saying I am not a good son or boyfriend?” Namjoon asked in between short sobs that erupted out of nowhere.

“No...I am saying you are too good of an idol and leader. You are so good that you forgot that you are also a human.” Jia got up from her seat and walked up towards her bookshelf again. This time she picked up a small picture that was inside a photo frame.

“This is my dad. He is the CEO of Fortune Entertainment.” Jia handed Namjoon the picture. Namjoon looked at it was shocked. He had no idea about Jia’s background. “When I was young, I wanted to be an idol, but I decided to become a therapist after my mom passed away in an accident. My dad still wishes I had taken over his business, but I grew up in that environment and after my mom passed away, I was severely affected and realized that I needed to go down a different path.” Jia paused and went back to her seat.

“...The reason I am saying all of this is that I understand what it is like to be an idol. I understand the demands of this industry. But I think you are in a position to change that mindset, just like you and Maya are doing with racism. You could be the idol that promotes mental well-being.” Jia looked at Namjoon, hoping he would say something.

But his response was not what Jia expected. “I didn’t know you were the heir to Fortune Entertainment.” Namjoon tried to change the topic.

“No, I have already given up rights to the business...but you know that’s not the point”

“What I am saying is...I feel like your love for music and your love for your members has stopped you from loving yourself...despite that being your campaign slogan.Your map of the soul currently consists of 90% RM, and that little 10% Namjoon wants a second chance.”

This was when Namjoon finally burst into tears. Jia’s words stung deep inside Namjoon. And to be honest, it felt terrible. It’s not like he hadn’t tried to keep his Namjoon side alive. But when BTS started gaining popularity, it had become harder and harder for him to be Namjoon. Even that night when Maya went missing, his RM side had won. He had almost lost Maya because of that. He almost lost himself.

“What should I do? Tell me...how do I keep this side of me alive without giving up RM?” Namjoon pleaded.

“Get to know yourself and go spend time with yourself and family and people outside of the company. You can also always come to see me. I promise I am not always this headstrong.” Jia laughed as she offered Namjoon a kleenex.

“I feel like I have to share this with you because I don’t have the courage to talk to Maya about this…” Namjoon replied.

“Sure, what is it?” Jia asked.

“After finding out that Maya was missing, I went on with the Grammys even though I should have gone and looked for her.” Namjoon felt almost relieved to say those words out loud.

“Do you think Maya doesn’t know that?” Jia asked.

“Hmmm?” Namjoon was confused.

“Have you wondered why Maya didn’t tell you about the threats?” Jia asked in return.

“Wait, did she tell you?” Namjoon was suddenly curious.

“I can’t tell you what she told me. But as far as I got to know her today and what I have read about her, I can say, she knows you Namjoon. She knows your map of the soul and she knows you will always pick BTS over her.”

“That’s not fair. She should be mad at me. This is absolutely terrible” Namjoon clenched his fist in utter disappointment.

“She can’t be mad at you when she doesn’t even choose herself,” Jia replied.

Namjoon was awestruck by Jia’s sentence. It had never occurred to him that Maya was in the same conundrum that he himself was in. Both were putting everything else above themselves.

Jia suddenly brought Namjoon out of his thoughts as she handed him Maya’s book that she had set on her desk. “But I think you can both change that. Change your fate. You know?”

“Yeah...I know.” Namjoon took the book and opened the page with the acknowledgments where Maya had dedicated a section to Namjoon.

2 Years Later - 2 Months after Ree-Mi’s book “Fateful Visions” was published

Namjoon and Maya continued their therapy sessions for over a year. During that time they learned to heal themselves and they learned to heal each other. Some things were harder to heal than others. Soon, Namjoon was able to start performing again. BTS revamped their whole identity and began promoting themselves a music group, rather than a boy group. With this new identity, Namjoon and Maya also launched their own duo with the title “Wan Blue Sounds.” Under this name, they released their first song that Namjoon began working on before the incident and Maya ended up writing the lyrics for the song.

Ree-Mi’s book “Fateful Visions” was released posthumously (after her death). The book created a great roar in the world, but it did not fulfill Ree-Mi’s last wish because Namjoon never read it. Namjoon did, however, read “Wan Blue Night,” multiple times. It became one of his favorites of all time, not just because Maya wrote it, but because he was in love with the story itself.

Namjoon began reorganizing his life and started to create boundaries between his role as RM and his role as Namjoon. BTS started taking longer breaks to spend time with their families and friends and to give themselves space. BigHit also filed complaints against saesangs or any fan that crossed boundaries. Plus, they did strict background checks from any security professional that they hired, making sure they were trustworthy. Maya also started her own self-development journey. She began writing again, but this time for herself. She also started taking self-defense classes, wanting to build her own self-confidence.

In February of 2022, Maya and Namjoon finally attended the Grammys again. This time not only was BTS nominated, but also the song that was released by Wan Blue Sounds. The media and world watched as Maya accompanied Namjoon to their seat, and later when BTS won, she also went up to the stage with Namjoon and the boys. Namjoon felt like he had somehow completed an incomplete task after all this time. He was finally able to let go of that incomplete wish.

After the Grammys, BTS decided to go to an unexpected place. They wanted to go back to Maya’s parent’s lake house where they first went when Namjoon and Ji-hyu’s pictures had surfaced. It had been years since they went there, but when they arrived, they felt right at home. This time Maya’s parents also came to visit Maya and also meet the boys. One afternoon, Namjoon was sitting in the backyard reading something, when Maya’s dad suddenly approached him.

“Hey!” Mr.Shroff said as he sat down in the chair next to Namjoon.

“Oh, hi…” Namjoon said. Ever since the kidnapping incident, Namjoon and Mr.Shroff had met multiple times. Maya’s parents came to visit him when he was in the hospital and after Maya and Namjoon began their recovery process.

“What book is that?” Mr.Shroff asked.

“Oh...it’s ummm...it’s actually Maya’s manuscript for her next book. She wanted me to give her feedback.” Namjoon replied. While Namjoon and Mr.Shroff had met multiple times, things were always a bit awkward.

“Oh really? She didn’t tell me she finished the draft of the book.” Mr.Shroff responded as he took a sip of his tea.

“Yeah, I think she just finished it on our way to the award show.”

“Well, it’s not like she would tell us anything anyway.” Mr.Shroff huffed.

“I apologize for my candidness, but it’s not like you have that relationship with her.” Namjoon retorted.

“Fair enough...so, I guess I’ll get to the point then. Maya’s mom wanted to know when are you going to marry Maya? You are both almost 30…”

“Oh...wow...umm, Maya and I haven’t talked about it. Honestly, I think we are both happy with the way things are right now. ”

“But you can’t just live like this forever.” Mr.Shroff gave Namjoon a ridiculous look.

“Why not?” A sudden voice replied behind Namjoon and Mr.Shroff’s chair. It was Maya. She came up and sat down next to Namjoon.

Mr. Shroff glanced at Maya.

“I am sorry, dad, but why can’t Namjoon and I live like this forever if we wanted to?” This wasn’t the first time Maya’s parents had mentioned the topic of marriage to Maya. They had been bugging her ever since she got out of the hospital. But this time Maya was more irritated because she realized they only wanted to spend more time with her and Namjoon so that they could bug Namjoon about it as well.

“Listen, I know you young folks want to be edgy and don’t believe in the institution of marriage, but trust me, when you get older and the legal ramifications start making sense to you, then you’ll understand,” Mr.Shroff said.

“I don’t think we are against the institution of marriage, we just haven’t considered it and don’t want to be forced into it,” Maya replied. “Namjoon and I want to do things our own way and I hope you and mom can respect that. We are both really happy together and very much in love, and if things go right and we both think we are right for each other, when the time comes, we’ll get married. Right, Joon?” Maya looked over at Namjoon, seeking his approval.

Namjoon nodded. “Absolutely. Sir, I just want to clarify that I do really care about your daughter and I will take care of her whether or not we are married. I hope that you can give more credit to her and her decisions.”

“It’s not that I don’t respect your decisions, Maya. I think you need to understand that the rules of the society are in place for a reason...you are just being stubborn and you’ll regret it” Mr. Shroff responded.

“And I think that the reason doesn’t apply anymore in this modern world and in our situation. Namjoon and I have our personal goals we want to accomplish and then we’ll think about marriage. But thank you for your concern, dad.”

Maya grabbed Namjoon’s hand and took him inside. Maya felt like she needed to explain to Namjoon why she said what she said to her dad. She took him to her room and Namjoon didn’t question her.

“Hey, let me explain...that whole situation— ” Maya said as soon as they got to her room. But before she could finish explaining, Namjoon wrapped his arms around her.

“I am so proud of you, Maya,” Namjoon said hugging Maya tightly.

“Why?” Maya mumbled against Namjoon’s chest.

“You stood up to your dad. That requires courage. I am so happy right now.” Namjoon let go of Maya and cupped her face in his hands, gently kissed her forehead.

“Yeah, I guess did, didn’t I. I just don’t want you to think I am desperate to get married.” Maya put her hands over Namjoon’s hands, looking up at him.

“Don’t worry, I don’t think that...but I do have a plan for us…”

“A plan?” Maya questioned.

Namjoon let go of Maya and reached in his back pocket, pulling out his phone. He then began searching on his phone for something. When he found what he was looking for, Namjoon handed the phone to Maya.

“Will you go to Bali with me?” Namjoon asked with the most sincere tone.

“Bali?” Maya laughed out of surprise as she saw the tickets to Bali on his phone.

“I wanted to take you on this trip before the whole Ree-Mi incident happened, but I couldn’t…” Namjoon explained.

“But what about your album...don’t you have to prepare for that?” Maya was surprised by Namjoon sudden initiative. It’s not that he didn’t do romantic gestures for Maya, it’s just she was surprised by the timing.

“Don’t worry, I will do that when I come back. I just want us to get away from everyone for a while. Just you and me...what do you say? Please! Will you give me the honor of spending a week with you in a resort in Bali?” Namjoon jokingly kneeled down on one knee, holding his phone towards Maya.

Maya laughed. “Let’s go to Bali, Joon.” Namjoon got back up wrapping his arms around Maya again, kissing her lips sweetly. If Namjoon had read Ree-Mi’s story, he would realize that Ree-Mi could never quite capture in her story just how deeply Maya loved him.

The next day, Maya and Namjoon went on their private trip to Bali, away from the requirements of the world, enjoying their time together, enveloped in each other’s arms and soaked in each other’s presence. They were learning to take charge of what they wanted and learning to speak for themselves.

Years later, during one interview at an award show, Namjoon and Maya were asked if they thought they were soulmates like they were described in Ree-Mi’s novel.

To that, Namjoon had answered, it didn’t matter if they were soulmates or not as long as they enjoyed being in each other’s life. Maya added that fate and destiny are just words to describe the consequences of our choices.

Choose wisely.

———————THE END——————

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ninetyonekz · 6 years

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Interview from guys to the the-steppe.com portal. 23/08/2017

August 24, to the big screen will be presented a film by Askar Uzabayev, in which the events of the formation of the famous Kazakhstani group are recreated: strong pressure, threats from envious persons and opponents and, of course, the path to fame. About how the film was filmed, is it hard to play yourself and why fans should see the movie Ninety one, the musicians told in an exclusive interview to Aray Amankulova.

- I remember the moment when the press reported that Ninety One will be shooting a full-length movie very well. Then it seemed to me that the audience was divided into three or even more camps. Someone was intrigued, some thought it was not serious, but there were those who vehemently poisoned your team. But despite the different opinions and comments, the cinema was shot, edited, and the outdoor advertising around Kazakhstan is full of your posters, tomorrow there will be a big premiere. What was your first reaction when you were announced shooting a movie?

ALEM: My first reaction was a surprise. I was shocked. Of course, being a child I dreamed of doing a movie, to develop like an actor. But in reality, it scared me a little.

AZ: As an Eminem fan, I sometimes fantasized that it would be cool if NINETY ONE would shoot a movie like "8 Mile", but when we were told about the shooting, I thought that it was too early for us to film our musical story, that we have not reached the required level yet. Although, perhaps, these doubts were caused by the fact that we are not an actors. ZAQ: I was against it, not only that I did not see in myself acting abilities, I also do not really like the camera. It is even hard to me to make a selfie. I'm camerophobic, it's difficult for me to act in clips, I break myself, try to close or not to notice that they are shooting me.

ACE: I was certainly surprised, and for a second it even seemed to me that we were being pranked, especially after those events when our concerts were cancelled and various comments were sent to us. BALA: And I thought about is there anything we could film a movie on? Then we conferred with the guys and with Yerbolat-aga (the aga means older brother, it’s also often used to the older male person you have close relationship with but he is not a family member. Also, if someone doesn’t know Yerbolat is producer of the band.) and realized that we have something to tell and share. Well, I also thought about the acting courses (smiles).

- Filming in clips and in TV shows definitely give good experience on the camera and relieve the fear of the public, but the big movie is a completely different story. Tell us how you prepared for the shooting and where there any difficulties ? BALA: We, in the period of preparation for the shooting, have passed a small course of acting skills from the remarkable actress of the Lermontov Theater Olga Landina. AZ: Yes, her classes have always been very fun. And despite the fact that the lessons were in Russian, and I do not have a good knowledge of the language, I was comfortable, I did not feel constrained, I gave my best in the program and completed every task. It was a great experience.

ZAQ: And I did not expect that the lessons of acting can be so interesting. Every time I was on the scene, I discovered something new in myself. To be honest, I could not overcome the fear of the camera, although I feel much more confident today.

ALEM: Because of the tight deadlines, Olga taught us on an unusual system. We went from the most difficult to the simplest. In general, everything was upside down (laughs), and it was then that I realized that sometimes playing something simple is the most difficult task. I mean, Olga says: enter to the room and say hello to the guys, I go in, follow her directions and it's somehow not natural, although you understand that you just have to say hello, but in fact, it sounded artificial.

Ace: I think a lot of worries caused that. Inside ourselves, we were very worried about the upcoming shootings. The fact that we will work with a team of professionals who have shot a lot of films, and because we are not actors, we could fail the film crew, ant expectations of our producers and our fans.

- But as far as I know, this was also an interesting experience for Askar Uzabayev, when all the main characters on the scene are non-professional actors. To avoid a conflict , he invited actors to supporting roles without much experience too. Those who watched the first version of the edit noted that this director's decision gave his zest and made the picture live and honest. You believe to the movie! And what was your aftertaste when you first watched the movie?

ALEM: Honestly, when we went into the hall for the preview, we expected that this movie will stop us from wanting to communicate with the cinema for ever. We all objectively understood that we are not actors. However, when we looked at the first version of the edit, we were in shock. We a hundred times, probably, thanked the director and producers for the fact that they still decided to shoot this film. AZ: When I watched "NINETY ONE", I had a shivers through my body, because we played ourselves in the past, so many things changed, people, events, and, most importantly, our world perception, we were completely different. Indescribable feelings.

ZAQ: I'm self-critical: I saw all the shortcomings of my acting, all my mistakes. I noticed where I could act better, but I did not. I saw where I had not act enough, I did not say enough. It's great that the film inspired us so much that after watching, we immediately went to the studio and recorded the soundtrack (song is called Mooz). We have not had such a thing yet.

- And what do you think, what will be the reaction to the movie from your parents and friends?

BALA: Honestly, I do not know. Many moments of my life I have not told to my mother, I did not want her to worry. She is very sentimental, I'm sure she will cry. And my father will be proud, because it was he who taught me love to the art. ALEM: I know that my parents will be happy for me. They are aware of all the events in my life. First of all, they will be happy that their child has achieved something, and he is on the big screen.

ACE: My family will be impressed, I'm sure of that. They will learn that I have not told them everything. The main thing, I hope they will not cry. Otherwise, it is good to buy a lot of napkins. (puzzled) AZ: Mom will definitely cry, and Dad will mentally ask me a question: "Son, have you really gone through all of this?

When I arrived to Almaty, I had no money, no relatives, no friends. There were moments when I stayed on the street, not finding where to sleep, I had to sleep in round-the-clock diners, right behind the table.

My mother is one of those women who feel their children. When I was ill, she always called and asked where I was, do I have money, do I need help. But I always said that I'm all right. Thanked for attention and again fell asleep where could.

ZAQ: When my family will see this film, they will be shocked, because I haven’t told them the whole truth - about the complexity, about my experiences. In any case, the film does not reflect 100% of the whole truth, the film has moments that are smoothed.

- The shooting of the film "NINETY ONE" consisted of 91 scenes and lasted 3 weeks. 21 shooting days without breaks and weekends. After such intense days, was it hard to return to your usual life?

ALEM: Right after the shooting of the film, we were loaded with studio work. Wrote songs, made clips. Then we began to prepare for the concert tour. After, to the shootings in the series, but still, the time that we spent during the shootings of a full-length film is a kind of little life that you will always keep in your memory.

Initially, we were told that it was difficult to act in films because everyone will argue around, and the director will shout at everyone. However, our experience was completely different. The director was very kind and delicate. He often joked, pranked us, told interesting stories, so when the shooting was over, it was even a bit sad. We have become friends with the crew so much that now we embrace each other as if we were relatives. AZ: Cool, when you are surrounded by creative people. Artists, director, cameramen, administrators, writers ... Even though, I am closed person, however the film crew became to me such native, that now I miss them very much.

- After you made your debut in the cinema, did you change your attitude towards it? ACE: Of course, I have changed the attitude towards cinema in general. Now I look at films differently: from what angle are they filmed, what plan is chosen, how actors pronounce dialogues, how much they are believable. ZAQ: I used to enjoy the movie, but now I'm constantly looking at it. Recently I watched horrors, they did not frighten me. I looked and started imagine how the cameraman comes with the camera to film the actor in makeup (laughs).

BALA: It seems to me that every person who has been on the set, will not be able to watch films, as before. When you know how it's done, how many times many details are important and how much effort and labour is invested in every scene. ALEM: While watching the movie I can completely lose the thread of the plot, distracted by the work of cameraman, costume designer, artist (laughs). I do not know if this will work out, but I really want to link myself to the cinema, at least in part. This is my childhood dream. Now I only know the basics of this profession. But I want to learn, grow, learn more and more.

BALA: Well, since we have already started talking about dreams, my dream was to become an Asian version of "Spider-Man". I love this movie from childhood. And would love to play with Kirsten Dunst (smiles)

- It seems to me that you are gradually realizing all your dreams. If you drop various incomprehensible comments and situations, your life is like a fairy tale. You are being admired many people, millions of girls go crazy over you, you create great music and work with super producer Yerbolat Bedelkhan. In addition to musical history, the full-length movie was created about you shot, where you were the protagonists of the picture. Today, if you look back, what advice would you give yourself 4 years ago, when you just stepped on this thorny and difficult creative path?

BALA: Do not be afraid, do not stop, do not be lazy! Do what you love. And do not get distracted by anything. If I gave these advice myself then, 4 years ago, then the present Daniyar would be much better. ALEM: Be yourself. No need to adjust to anyone. Do not try to please everyone, because it is just impossible. You have to be honest and do not lie to yourself. If I understood this then, my path of development would be faster.

AZ: Believe in yourself and give yourself to work! Keep going till the end! ACE: Azamat, be true to your sincere desires, follow your heart and know that everything that's done is for the best! ZAQ: Be confident and do not be afraid of anything. Fear hampered me, I realized in years that the person who is going to the intended goal, will never fail.

- Well, summing up our conversation with you, why does the viewer still have to watch the movie NINETY ONE?

ACE: I want that this movie will help to look at us from different angle, people will look at us and our creativity from different perspective. BALA: I think that this movie will answer all the questions that constantly hang around our team. Because there are no answers, people are divided into two camps. And from the film it becomes clear that we are simple guys from the simple Kazakh families

ZAQ: My sister was a fan of K-POP. I did not recognize them before, I looked and thought: strange boys with makeup, dressed incomprehensibly. Then my sister showed me a TV show about them. And I was imbued. I realized that this is art. AZ: Often, our image and opinion about us is made up of rumors and gossips. I think after watching this movie, many will change their point of view. As a child, I was told, rap will not bring you money, it's a hobby, you need to do something serious. And I still believed in myself and my dream. We are children of not rich parents, we have achieved everything by ourselves. I, for example, once worked as a loader. And only because of perseverance and purpose I have - I am today the one who realizes his desires and deals with his favorite business.

ALEM: Maybe for motivation. Motivation is one of those things that everyone needs in order to achieve their goals. I want to motivate young people. Not to dye your hair, no. The main moral of the film: "Guys, never give up, and boldly go to your goal." Our film will help people to look a little wider at this world. Do not set limits and boundaries for yourself

Hope you enjoyed it, me myself while translating have learnt a lot of new thing about guys. Also,as soon the movie will be uploaded to the internet i’ll try to translate it. xoxo

#ninety one #ace #az #bala #zaq #alem #interview #qpop #q-pop

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starsandnines · 6 years

Text

So recently I promised that I would share my new brocdes “headcanon” with you all, so here it goes. I will try to express myself as best as I can but I won’t promise anything because I kinda have lots of feelings about this.

So this new headcanon/theory thing came after I closely analyzed Nico’s and Lewis’ behaviour this year. But before I start, I think it is for the best that I share what had been my originial theory about these two up until now.

First of all, looking back at the rivalry of these two, I always assumed Lewis was the one who was kind of an asshole towards Nico and that’s why they drifted apart. I thought this not because I think Lewis is an asshole or anyting but because let’s be honest he is the one who can be the more dramatic, and the one who is more likely to make a hurtful comment or the one dissing the other. It is just the way Lewis is. Nico is always, ALWAYS diplomatic or at least he tries to be, he tries to keep this composed, calm and collected facade up. That has always been his coping mechanism. So all this led me to believe that Lewis was at fault mostly. And let’s be honest I always had a soft spot for Nico so who knows I might have even been a little bit biased and automatically didn’t blame him. Anyway, on to the next point. After analyzing their personalities even more deeply, I think Lewis’ behaviour is immensly misunderstood in this fandom most of the time. And it makes me sad because Lewis is often treated like this arrogant asshole who always makes rude comments about other drivers. However, Lewis is more complex than that. I’m not saying his statements and comments about Nico are not hurtful because they are. But life and people are not black and white I’m afraid.

Let’s go back to the time after Nico’s retirement. Nico said that he and Lewis didn’t get on after a while because they obviously wanted to be treated equally in the team. He said that as long as one of them didn’t accept to be the number two then they couldn’t maintan a friendship. Now obviously the one who was always forced into being the second best in the team was Nico. Nico obviously didn’t want to accept second place and honestly why would have he? Now, I’ve always assumed that Lewis, already having championship titles, didn’t take this behaviour from Nico smoothly and I can’t blame him either. He rightly thought that he is the better driver (proven by his titles) and of course there was his competitiveness which naturally every driver has. So when I looked at these facts I believed that Lewis was the one who pushed Nico away and treated him like shit because of his own massive ego. Now, from Nico’s point of view. He must have been furious many times regarding Lewis’s behaviour with the team orders and of course Mercedes (even tho they always said otherwise) kind of wanted Nico to be the second driver. And Nico due to being diplomatic and composed about his feelings in tense situations could easily give people the impression that even tho he wasn’t happy about the drama and the tense rivalry with Lewis and his comments he still seemed to accept it somehow and learnt to roll with it. What I didn’t take into consideration is how hurt Nico must have been all the time. He must have felt like shit being treated like that and honestly just beacause he didn’t show his feelings to the cameras he might have been absouletly cold towards Lewis. Just look at how Nico reacts here (x) to a question about being friends and rivals with Lewis at the same time and how Lewis was just trying to make Nico laugh about it almost as if he already knew that Nico didn’t like the situation. So what I’m trying to say is that Nico mght have been the one who started to drift apart from Lewis because he was hurt and couldn’t bare being treated in such way in the team.

(I hope you can still follow me because I haven’t even started the main theory yet :D)

So now comes a little psychology lesson even tho I’m no expert. Nico has always been very consistent with what he said about his and Lewis’ relationship during his time in the team. If you look at press conferences, post race/quali interviews he used to say the same thing all over again, sharing very little with the media, rambling about the ‘base respect towards each other” etc… Right after his retirement however, he immediately started to open up. He emphasized many times how he wanted to make things right with Lewis because he was not in the team anymore so it should be easy right? At first I was like, sure that’s the right thing to do. As this year’s season went on, Nico somehow always talked about Lewis on twitter or in interviews. Bordering on being a little too pushy in my opinion. Now I get it that he is still connected to Mercedes as he is the ambassador of the team and I guess he still has to suppport them and that means not talking shit about Lewis. But I always thought that he could have tone it down a lil bit if he wanted to but he seemed honest and genuinely happy for Lewis’ succes and race wins this year. So we saw Nico’s behaviour and after this gifset (x) where Lewis didn’t even look at Nico’s direction even tho he touched his arm, and this post (x) where they have shown a picture of Lewis and Nico to Lewis and he simply didn’t want to do anything with it, he didn’t even want to say a word about it, almost like wanting to forget that he and Nico have ever been friends. Now these passive vibes coming from Lewis almost immediately, being hugely in contrast to Nico’s kind and open approach towards Lewis, had been criticized by many in this fandom, saying how petty Lewis behaves and how he “can’t let go of his rivalry with Nico”. But in my view, that is not how people work. Lewis had many rivals in the past before Nico, I don’t think I have to specify these drivers. Nonetheless he still moved on and still can be civil with those drivers. Which leads us to the conclusion that NO Lewis is not childish and not petty and not miserable. He is hurt. Which leads us to another conclusion which is that Nico might have been the one who was at fault in their relationship turning for the worse. Furthermore to support this idea, Nico can be easily open (like I’ve mentioned a few lines above) and forgiving towards Lewis because of this exact reason that he was the one who started it all. Rightly so he is the one who should initiate the making up. Speaking from experience, my mum when she argues with somebody, tends to forget it really quickly and she always thinks that after like 5 minutes everything is forgotten without her ever apologizing. If you read what Lewis has said recently here (x) you might start to see my point. Lewis basically said that he loved Nico and so he tolerated everything but he realized that it was unhealthy for him and so he distanced himslef from Nico. I find this really tragic. I know how hard it can be to do this, when you love someone but you know that your relationship with that person is not good for your mental well-being so you move on.

I think if Lewis was such a pathetic and petty driver who cannot move on from old arguments then he would be like this with everyone. However, Nico is the only person who Lewis “treats” this way and that’s why I’m basically writing this post because it made me think about how hurt Lewis must be from the fight with Nico. And that is because Lewis is not hurt by the championship title taken away from him last year or the previous years’ dramas. He is hurt because it was NICO who (might have) hurt him. And let’s just consider the fact that they have known each other since they were kids. SINCE THEY WERE KIDS. Like, can you imagine what that feels like?

I am not saying that Nico is the one who is the asshole here. I love both of them with all my heart. I’m just saying that recently their behaviour has put things into different perspective for me. And I also think that Lewis might be waiting for Nico to truly discuss things and he doesn’t make do with twitter mentions and what not. Or he might be so hurt that he doesn’t want to do anyting with Nico for now. Who knows. So this is it. I feel like I just poured everything that I think into this post and I’m not sure if this is comprehensible so let me know what you think or if you need me to explain some parts then write me and I’ll try my best :)

#brocedes #lewis hamilton #nico rosberg #f1

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supremeuppityone · 4 years

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Written for Klaroline Valentine's Day Bingo 2020 @kcvalentinesbingo

Prompt: “The candles caught what on fire?”

Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here.

Warning: Smut. Angst.

Please review here.

It was shameful how quickly Caroline’s heart dropped when she spied the delicate vintage earrings in the black velvet box Klaus gave her. There’s no reason to be disappointed, she chastised herself. The diamond and pearl chandelier earrings clearly had been chosen based on her tastes, and knowing her boyfriend, he spared no expense. Except she’d briefly thought it could be an engagement ring.

It had been more than a year since they started seeing each other, and it seemed as though they’d been moving toward a bigger commitment over the past few months. They’d even discussed the possibility of finding a place together when Caroline’s lease was up later that year. Maybe they weren’t ready. “Klaus, these are beautiful. Thank you,” she quickly told him, reaching up to give him a soft kiss.

Klaus pulled her close, deepening the kiss with a low growl of approval. “You are beautiful,” he murmured, playfully nibbling on her ear. She felt the hard line of his cock through his trousers, and suddenly didn’t care that they were in his office where anyone could interrupt. “You’ll have to be quiet, sweetheart. I can’t recall if I locked the door.” Roughly pushing up her skirt to cup her mound, his smirk was delightfully wicked. “And it seems my fingers are quite busy.”

She spread her thighs, inviting him to play. He loved to play. There was a sweetness to his movements, and the way he curled his fingers inside left her panting for more. “Just a bit more,” he urged, increasing the pressure until she bit down on his shoulder, leaving a rosy lipstick smear on his charcoal pinstriped dress shirt.

As Caroline came down from her high, she attacked his zipper, anxious to feel all of him. “Fuck me, Klaus,” she panted against his lips. This. Just this. His naughty grin, the heat in his gaze — it was all for her. She wrapped him up in her fist, taking her time with those smooth, hot strokes that made him grunt and sigh into her neck.

Klaus lifted her against the tall book case, driving into her as she clung to the top. His guttural moan lit a fire inside and she already could feel her thighs shake with need. “Caroline,” he gasped, gripping her thighs until they bruised, riding them both to completion.

While she couldn’t deny the sex was explosive, it was the moments immediately following that felt the most intimate. He gathered her up in his arms, settling them both into his enormous chair and pressing a gentle kiss to her temple. “New Orleans.” At her questioning eyebrow, he explained, “Let’s take a long weekend. I’ll have Greta book us a suite at the Hotel Monteleone.”

“I was supposed to write a brand analysis brief and review the product team’s competitor playbook strategies,” Caroline commented with a sigh of regret. At his shameless puppy dog eyes, she lightly brushed back the damp curls from his forehead, telling him, “You are a terrible influence. And I love you for that.”

Dropping a kiss to her nose, he promised, “By this time tomorrow, we’ll be drinking Armand de Brignac with raspberries.”

The last time they’d gone to New Orleans, they only left the room to visit an art gallery opening. The time before that, they didn’t leave the room at all. Caroline fought down a blush when she started thinking of all the delicious moments in their future. “Then I should race home to pack after my last meeting.”

Her phone interrupted them, forcing her to break off their celebratory kiss with a groan of frustration. The screeching in her ear was so garbled, she only caught a few disconcerting words, prompting her to yell, “Wait — the candles caught what on fire? Seriously?!” Hearing mostly muffled cursing and random crashes in the background, she quickly said, “Never mind — just try to keep everyone calm until I get there.” She ended the call with an irritated huff, explaining to a confused Klaus, “That was Rebekah. Apparently, Kol got drunk at the reception and knocked over several candle centerpieces, catching the stage on fire right before the keynote speaker’s address.”

“Was anyone hurt,” Klaus asked sharply, pulling out his phone to start engaging the correct combination of security, maintenance, and lawyers to handle yet another one of his idiot brother’s fuck-ups.

Caroline shook her head, straightening her clothes as she headed toward the door. “Just Kol’s ego. I’ll head over there and get the situation under control.”

“Honestly, it’s moments like these that I truly question the ‘family above all’ motto my siblings and I share.” With a frustrated sigh, he blinked at his phone, adding, “I’ll be right behind you — Enzo wants me to stop by legal to discuss something urgent.”

“What’s more urgent than your brother setting a fire at our quarterly sales meeting?”

Running his fingers through his disheveled curls, he replied tiredly, “I’ll let you know, sweetheart.”

_________________________________________

She’d expected a stampede of angry, hysterical people, but Caroline had overlooked one indisputable truth: The sales department never attended a quarterly meeting sober. Instead, she was greeted by boisterous laughter as several groups decided to head down the street to a karaoke bar while the company sorted out the mess Kol had made. Kol had the audacity to grin cheekily at her as he slipped out with the crowd before Rebekah could chase after him.

She loved Klaus and admired his business savvy, but his inability to recognize that nepotism was running Mikaelson Inc. right into the ground would be his downfall. Their downfall unless she ever found the courage to tell him.

“Finally,” Rebekah called out when she spied Caroline. “I’ve no time to handle this absolute rubbish.”

She eyed Klaus’ sister critically, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Why not? Hot date?”

Stumbling in her heels, the woman scoffed. “You know as well as I that my brother’s bumbling mishap wasn’t the worst thing to happen to our organization today. Salvatech’s unexpected product announcement couldn’t have come at a worse time.”

Pausing to give instructions to security to finish locking down the area while waiting on maintenance to begin cleanup, she considered Rebekah’s words. She wasn’t wrong — Salvatech, their biggest competitor, had announced earlier that day their plans to unveil a new product six weeks ahead of schedule, which meant that Mikaelson Inc. would be scrambling to get their latest release ready in time for the global tech conference. She could picture the Salvatore brothers’ slimy grins they no doubt wore when they gave that interview, pointedly giving the reporter soundbites that were subtle digs at Mikaelson Inc.

She’d already pulled most of her team to start working on their own press release, something to pacify their stakeholders while also energizing the market base. No way was she letting those sleazy Salvatores have the last word. “Tell me your plan,” she asked Rebekah, thinking it was time they set aside their petty differences and get their teams working together to salvage this latest media mishap.

Green eyes widened in alarm as she whirled around to face Caroline. “My plan?”

“Seriously?! Rebekah, you’re the creative director for external marketing. If you don’t have a plan to fight the Salvatores’ latest bullshit, then you should march your skinny ass down to HR and resign. We only can handle one incompetent Mikaelson at a time, and it’s apparently Kol’s turn. Again.”

Rebekah seemed to visibly relax at her words, her lightly condescending tone returning to normal as she scoffed, “Of course I do. My staff is finalizing our verbiage now. They like to deliver a flawless marketing plan. Unlike others I could name.”

She refused to take the bait. Klaus’ sister clearly was referencing the time Caroline had allowed Elena the intern to write a section of web content only to learn after it was posted that she’d pulled stats from their archives rather than the latest projections. “Good. Then my team will need less overtime than usual to make your team’s messaging coherent.”

Before she could trade more barbs, she received a text message from Klaus. “My office. Now.” Taken aback, she frowned, wondering what could’ve happened with legal that he’d be so abrupt with her. She took a quick glance around the room, somewhat satisfied that the workers had Kol’s mess under control, and then she left, not bothering to give Rebekah an explanation.

Before she pushed open Klaus’ door, a part of her wondered if they’d continue what they started earlier. They tried to keep office trysts to a minimum, but the temptation to be a bit naughty in such a buttoned-up environment was too hard to resist. Unfortunately, the smile dropped from her face as soon as she saw him. She’d witnessed his fury during meetings, and always tried to smooth over the rough edges of his temper with his subordinates when she could. But she’d never been on the receiving end before.

“What’s wrong,” she asked tentatively, instinctively taking a step toward him because he’d never seemed so far away.

Fists curled at his sides, the look he threw her was pure loathing. “What’s wrong is that legal just told me the most peculiar tale. About you. Perhaps you’d like to hear it, love?”

“What are you — I don’t understand.”

“The Salvatores’ new product is suspiciously similar to our microchip prototype. In fact, it’s so similar that our legal department is convinced they only could’ve built it if they first acquired our product schematics,” Klaus seethed, his voice barely above a whisper. “After a bit of digging, it appears that you’ve been emailing Stefan Salvatore for quite some time.” At her astonished expression, he chuckled darkly, adding, “How long has this been going on, hmm? Tell, me what dirty little deeds did that talentless wanker have to perform to get you to betray this company? To betray me?!”

Caroline shook her head, trying to make sense of Klaus’ accusations. She’d only seen Stefan across crowded venues at tech conventions, but had never spoken to him, much less engaged in corporate espionage or something more intimate. She’d been set up. “Klaus, I would never, ever betray you or this company. I don’t even know Stefan! Clearly, my emails were hacked; someone’s setting me up!”

“A likely story,” he replied, storming over to his wall safe and angrily spinning the dial. “I keep the USBs of all prototypes in here as a security measure. None of our staff has access until the plans have been finalized. But you’ve been in here numerous times when I’ve opened the safe. It’s not much of a leap to imagine you’ve manipulated countless interactions with me to gain access to the combination.”

“You don’t put much stock in my loyalty, do you?! First I’m a thief and then I’m a whore? Fuck you, Klaus! I don’t steal and I certainly don’t whore myself out for the sake of my career,” she spat, just barely fighting back angry tears. How could he turn on her like this? How could he think so little of her?

Klaus pounded his fists onto the top of his desk, pushing off everything in a furious swipe. Over the flat beeping noise of his phone knocked off its hook, he raged, “You knew you were about to be exposed! It’s why you acted so peculiar earlier when I gave you the earrings! I imagine you and Stefan had quite the laugh about how you scored yet another fancy bauble from me!”

“Stop it! None of this is true! I’ve never cheated on you and I didn’t steal company secrets,” Caroline yelled, her heart little more than a painful, cold little lump as the truth sunk in — Klaus didn’t trust her. He never did.

Her voice was a harsh whisper as she revealed, “And the reason I was acting weird when you gave me the earrings is because I thought you were going to propose.” She angrily wiped away tears as she flatly said, “Obviously, that was stupid.”

Klaus looked momentarily stricken, but quickly masked his expression, running a hand across his jaw. In a hollow voice, he said, “Miss Forbes, you’re on administrative leave pending a formal review of the allegations. Security has cleared your office of all Mikaelson Inc. property and will escort you downstairs once you’ve gathered your personal belongings.”

Caroline couldn’t stop staring at the rosy lipstick smear she’d left on his dress shirt. Only hours ago they’d been so happy. It was a careless, giddy moment immortalized in that lipstick smear and undoubtedly he’d have his assistant take that suit to the cleaners as soon as possible. Or, he’d just toss it out. Like he did to her. She managed to march out of his office with her head high, pausing at the threshold to tell him coldly, “Go to hell, Mr. Mikaelson.”

_________________________________________

So much for that suite in New Orleans.

Despite the photographs and colorful art on the walls, her office had never seemed more cold and impersonal. Maybe it was the fact that her laptop was missing, or the fact that she knew security had been in there without her permission. She hastily started packing up her items, not wanting to be there any longer than necessary. Caroline allowed herself a final look out her window, the soft glow of the security lamps outside illuminating the landscape enough for her to see the centuries-old rock bridge that curved across the White Oak River. When she’d first been promoted, it had been quite the ego trip to move into this corner office with its impressive views, and she’d felt a sense of accomplishment that nearly rivaled when she first received her degree. Now what?

A sudden movement caught her eye, and she noticed two figures holding hands as they walked along the bridge. They paused briefly to share a kiss, and Caroline let out a gasp of surprise when she realized it was Rebekah and Stefan.

So much for family above all.

#kcvalentinesbingo #uppity bitch fanfic #klaroline fanfic #klaroline #klaroline aesthetic #aesthetic #wow did this story take me in an unexpected direction #klaroline does angsty angst angstness

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