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octoberautumnbox · 4 months

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Discordant Waltz: Juicy Juicy

Oh Sieun (Former IZ*ONE/Soloist Jo Yuri) & Male Reader

Categories/warnings: smut, public sex, blood, clothed sex, hair pulling, blowjob, cowgirl, friends with benefits, fuck buddy

Word count: 1.9k

| Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 (coming soon) |

a/n: i just really wanted to put this out, i think atp I can't write consistently like I used to before all this shit happened. we'll just see how it goes from now on but i swear i still have a bunch of fics i wanna write :))))

bathroom 3rd

sieun fckbd, 2:43 pm

pushy. omw

You, 2:43 pm

The warm, unconditioned air hit you like a brick wall when you first stepped out of the classroom, but with the cool breeze and shade, you really didn't mind any further.

You head for the rendezvous lazily, though it nags at you why she would want to see you during school hours.

Sieun was leaning against the empty bulletin board between the male and female restrooms when you found her. She was ethereal and fleeting, like a poster from a magazine you weren’t supposed to buy.

There’s no response from her as you took your careful steps towards her. She looked worried and lost in thought, like something shook her on a deeply personal level. Not that it mattered to you; neither of you were supposed to care about each other in that way.

"Can I help you?" She jumps and stares wide-eyed at you, evidently so surprised that she didn't even see you coming. Apologetically, you push up her chin and force eye contact with her, which pulls her back down to Earth.

"Great," she sighs, relieved, "you're here. Come on!"

You suddenly find yourself getting dragged by the collar into the women's restroom and shoved into one of the stalls. You're pushed and forced to sit down onto the toilet seat, and your fuckbuddy promptly gets into her own position, straddling you and wrapping her arms around your neck.

This isn't anything new, and by now you know what she's asking for. Place both hands on her ass, feel up her cheeks through the baggy PE pants she loves wearing for some reason. She dives in and captures your lips with hers, and savoring the feeling of your tongues on each other and swapping spit.

Carelessly you reach under her pants garters and under the waistband of her boxers, fully relishing how her smooth skin and plump ass feels in your hands. She breathes heavily under your touch, and moans spill from her lips with every squeeze.

"Sorry about the boxers by the way," she whispers, breaking the kiss. "I didn't plan on this."

You take her lips again, feeling her breath growing less and less stable against yours. "It's fine, baby. You okay?"

She tries to act tough with her retort, but her blushing gives her away. "Less talk, more getting your cock hard enough for me to choke on."

You estimate a solid minute of making out and groping her ass while she grinds on your clothed dick, making sure she feels you getting harder for her.

Once she's had her fun, she gets up and hurriedly unzips your pants. Meanwhile you work on stripping her of her own pants, yanking off her boxers at the same time. Her wet, pink pussy comes into view, and you place a thumb on her clit to rub while she works hard trying to strip you herself. Noticing she's fumbling and having trouble with your belt, you unbuckle it for her and get up, so she makes quick work of pulling everything off of you. You sit back down onto the toilet and feel the cold ceramic seat on your thighs.

“Thank you. Do you have any other questions?” Sieun asks, but her interest lies elsewhere. She eyes your stiffening cock hungrily while licking her lips.

Without waiting for an answer, she squats down between your legs and places the tip of her tongue right on the slit of your dick, giving it tiny licks. She allows her saliva to run down from her tongue, watching you watch her start to pleasure you.

She takes your cock in her hand and starts to jerk you off in long and slow strokes. Her lips hover over your tip, still letting her saliva drip down, and you feel her handjob getting slicker. Between the feeling of her spit coating your cock and the pure visual of her heavenly face in front of you, you grip the toilet seat to try and delay your orgasm just a bit longer.

Satisfied with her work and how your face contorted in pleasure to what she’s doing, Sieun begins her monumental task of taking you into her mouth. She kisses your tip before taking your head between her plump lips. She gives it a little suck before withdrawing, licking her lips, and going back for more. You notice her free right hand working between her legs and tweaking her clit, and just then she moans a small “mmh” onto your head as she goes deeper with her blowjob to half your shaft.

Unfortunately for her (or perhaps fortunately, you know how sick she is in the head), just half your shaft reaches to the back of her mouth. The sensation of her tongue tracing the veins around your dick sends a shock wave of pleasure up your spine, causing you to reach out and grip a handful of her hair. She looks up at you, expectant and pleading, as you watch her insert two fingers into her dripping pussy.

Instead of forcing your cock into her throat though, you pull her head away by her hair with a jerk. She gasps at the sudden rough treatment, but displays her submission by panting with her tongue out like a dog. She hasn’t stopped fingering herself, and this lets you know what she wants next.

Hand still tangled in her hair, you pull her up to your eye level. Take her onto your lap and position your cock onto her wet folds, and earn a groan from her as she relaxes onto you.

Sieun reaches under her jacket and, you guess, into her bra before pulling out a condom. Seeing you surprised, she smirks at you and rips open the packaging with her teeth.

"You always know how to get me riled up."

She expertly rolls the rubber onto your throbbing cock. She holds your chin up the way you did with her earlier, and she makes you watch as she lets a line of her spit fall from her tongue to her open palm. Finally she rubs it all over your cock, giving it a few pumps while making sure it's lubricated and ready for her.

You grab her by the hips, savoring how her smooth skin feels on your hands, and pull her back onto your cock. She gives in and, carefully but not too much so, she lowers herself onto your dick. She shuts her eyes as you feel yourself sliding into her, first the head, then the shaft, and even more after that, all the while you guide her down by her hips.

"Never fucking gets old, you stretch me out so well…" Her breathy and quiet voice tells you she's close. She bites her lip and tries to make eye contact with you again. In the split second that you do, you're reminded that Oh Sieun is gorgeous in her own right, and that you're lucky you get to have her like this at all. You admire her big brown eyes, how they shut as she lowers herself onto you, how her lips part as she lets out a deep sigh.

Sieun is dazed; you know she's getting even hornier with you. She's straining herself to keep quiet, knowing that just one mistimed yelp might be all it takes for someone to get curious, check out the bathroom, and catch the two of you red-handed. Despite that, she soldiers on, lifting herself up before letting herself drop again. As she does, you feel her velvet walls clench tighter around you, and you resolve to place your hand over her mouth. Getting the message, she goes for another bounce on your cock, more careful than anything to keep the sound of her skin on yours to a minimum. You hold back yourself, trying to match her control despite the mind-melting pleasure you get from her tight, needy pussy.

You watch as she lifts herself up again. You take a deep breath into your lungs, knowing that you can't hold back much longer: you need her just as much as she needs you. Hands firm on her mouth and hip, her head lolls back as she prepares to take all of you into her again.

She crashes down onto you like a meteor, sending waves of pleasure throughout both your bodies. With your common sense leaving you, you thrust up into her, reaching a depth she's never experienced in this life until now. She jerks her head in surprise to face you, and almost immediately her eyes point up and then roll to the back of her head. She groans against your palm before developing into a full-blown scream you both were lucky to have muffled. Her cunt squeezes your throbbing cock as it convulses through her orgasm, squirting her cum all over your crotch and waist.

Don't relent, she loves it when you don't. You thrust up into her again, forcing more of your cock into her heat and vying for your own release. Sieun struggles to scream louder into your hand as she loses her mind to the pleasure.

You thrust harder up into her, matching how tight she's clamping down on you. Inadvertently she makes up for it with how much of her love juice is spraying onto your crotch and lap. Snake a hand across her back and onto her shoulder, and with your other hand on her mouth, pull her down.

Her teeth find your palm an easy target, biting down and drawing blood. She could do nothing else, completely victim to the immense orgasm you were subjecting her to. Fight down your pain; just a bit more.

It arrives when you least expect it to, and you're sure deep down inside whatever's left of Sieun is thanking whatever god she believes in that you're about to let her go. Your dick throbs with each spurt of cum you shoot into the rubber, unintentionally also hitting her good spots even more. She leaks more and more of her juices onto your lap, and as you look up you find she's also started to cry. You almost feel sorry for her, if not for how unbelievably and blissfully elated she seems to be getting fucked out of her mind. Your blood shows itself, from your palm and dripping onto Sieun's jacket.

Both your climaxes end gradually, bringing you down from the highest of highs. Your arms fall exhaustedly to your sides and you lose all feeling in them. Sieun collapses face down on top of you, limp and out of breath, but still finds the tiniest bit of strength to nuzzle into your neck. Extend your last greatest effort, swing your arm over the small of her back and hug her.

“You good?” Your tone is casual, like she didn't just have the orgasm of her life. She weakly nods into your neck and puts a kiss right on your pulse.

~~~

You find yourself walking back to the classroom, unaware of how much time has passed. The sun hides behind a fair bit of cloud cover, and the breeze seems nippier than you remember.

Sieun is long gone, off to wherever she was before. Hopefully, nobody notices her limp, nor the red stain on her jacket. Above all, you hope nobody questions the hand mark over her mouth.

But deep inside, you kind of do. She wouldn't be able to say it, but she'll know it's because she gave herself to a man that makes her feel complete.

~~~

| Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 (coming soon) |

a/n: this was something i wanted to write for a long time, im really glad i got to do something like this now :) thanks for reading!

#girl group smut #izone smut #kpop smut #jo yuri smut

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uzis-dopeaf-hat · 2 months

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Analysis of Episode 7

[MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW]

So I wanted to talk about the latest episode of MD and it's really hard to find people to talk about this with (surprisingly?) and the one discord I joined was a bit of a mess so I'm just gonna come here and try to word vomit cohesively.

Wanna start by saying that yes, even though V is no longer in the intro, I HIGHLY doubt she's dead or gone for good. I think the new intro is likely just the start of a new arc or progression of the story. We aren't supposed to know what happens to her, so they're taking any signs of normalcy of her being present away. They could have also just wanted a new intro in general (which I love!).

I would be incredibly surprised if she was permanently gone. I guarantee she has a clone like it's stated J (stated in episode 6) and N (mentioned in this episode by Cyn herself) have.

What I can see happening, however, is V not being the same as before. If the V from the last episode is damaged beyond repair, Cyn will need to get a new clone out for her. Cyn states in this episode that she keeps their personalities. So I doubt V would act like herself from before her DD days (though I did play around with the thought). I can see something happening where Cyn tries to delete the memory files of V interacting with Uzi and the events leading up to here and now. I'm not sure how practical this would be depending on how long they're planning on making the season finale be. I feel it would be easier to just have someone retrieve her or try fixing her (unless she is fighting this entire time, which again we don't know, anything is possible). If it is the case of attempted memory deletion, I don't think Cyn will be successful. I'll come back to this later.

It's revealed that the one chained up in the trailers is in fact Nori, who seems to be taken over by the Absolute Solver, or Cyn. It seems that the company is actually trying to remedy the mistakes of their former colleagues on Earth. They have created a patch that is located in a USB drive inside what looks to be a crucifix.

There seems to be a huge religious aspect, though it is not apparent why. Our researcher Ridley here seems to be wearing a Mitre Hat typically worn by bishops. I'm not sure if they're meant to be wearing a specific type of miter, but it resembles an auriphrygiata worn during celebrations of the sacraments. If we were to put whatever is happening here under one of those sacraments, I'd say the closest would be an Anointing of the Sick (meant to help various states of sickness in religious ways such as prayer). I think a big part of the religious aspect may be superstition on JCJenson's part, but considering what we see of Cyn being a seemingly eldritch being, I can't blame them.

"LAB SPACE FOR RENT LEASED RSCH012 - 'CABIN FEVER' PRIME CATHEDRAL REAL ESTATE"

So obviously this is partly a joke, with a cathedral underground being for rent and all.

But a catholic church is where some sacraments are held. Once again I'm not sure why they believe they need this space, but I doubt Glitch would pick this setting "just because." (or maybe they would, you tell me)

Alice refers to Uzi as a "witch" in episode 6, saying she's dealt with them before, and then immediately stating that "she hasn't seen 002 since she's left us to die."

Cathedral churches had many reasons for existing, but one small purpose they served was to ward off evil, specifically witches.

A pentangle was one of many symbols used to deter witches or anything thought to be an evil entity. The candles surrounding them are likely meant to be Votive Candles, meant to seek help from the saints.

Of course, it also seems to be a giant magnet which may have helped them more than the candles in this situation. This is about all I have for this episode regarding the huge religious themes (aside from the episode literally being called "Mass Destruction.")

Our intern Mitchell seems to realize something is wrong after grabbing Yeva (aka 048). I am unsure if these revelations make a huge difference in the outcome of events. It seems that when Yeva does save Nori from The Absolute Solver with the USB drive, they are intimately aware of how dangerous it is, as Nori seems to want her to chop her arm off when they realize the solver is going out of control. These events explain what happens to Copper-9 as the planet's core implodes in on itself, creating a huge crater in the planet. The rest we know: the planet freezes over and only the drones remain.

We cut to who we now know is Nori, in her - as I'll call it -her "Heart" form. It seems she is searching for the correct cross shown with the USB and has been all this time, only supposedly finding it in this episode. We can presume she finds it after running into N since she tosses a cross away after inspecting it and not seeing any resemblances to the crucifix in the video. She has the correct one later when she runs into N, so the only time she could have found it was between her leaving to enter the mineshafts and her actually finding the DD.

I won't be going too much into the dynamics of all the relationships in this post, but I definitely will make a separate post for those (feel free to ask for some as well) -- so I won't focus on any in-depth character analysis here unless I believe it needs to be mentioned for this post to make sense.

After "Tessa" and unfortunately N scare off Uzi, N is trapped inside the collapsed mineshaft with his human counterpart nowhere to be found. Likely because of the list she needs to find and confronting Doll.

It is also revealed shortly after that Thad and Lizzie seem to be looking for someone, most likely the person being V. I've seen some points where it could be possible V sent out a signal, which may explain why this just suddenly happens. I wouldn't be surprised either if she found a way to send a signal to Khan as well -- unless he suddenly decided to be a good father and look for Uzi (who apparently seemed to be last on his list of reasons for disliking DD's) I think he got some sort of clue as to what was happening from V or another outside source. We already know he went through Nori's closet along with Uzi's blueprints for her railgun to get information.

Back to N, Cyn reveals that she lets his team keep their personalities because of him. Whether or not this is true is unclear, as she manipulates N and many others to sway things in her favor. It's almost as if she sees them as playthings for her entertainment.

When she shows N a memory from before, seemingly right after or around Earth's destruction, we can see a symbol come across his face.

"ACCESS DENIED CONTACT ADMIN 'DARKXWOLF17'"

I know many people have already seen this, but I believe that Uzi has either intentionally put a safety guard on both N and V from episode 5, or that she has unintentionally done this.

It would make sense if she made the active decision to do this, to prevent The Absolute Solver from trying to hijack V or N again. This is why I believe if Cyn were to try to erase or tamper V's memories, she'd run into Uzi's failsafe. I don't think she'd exclude V from her protection, but we really don't know V's fate for sure until episode 8.

N finally runs into Nori, and as previously mentioned she now has the correct cross. She mentions he looks familiar. It's not because he's a Disassembly Drone, she already mentions this fact a few lines prior. I still believe there is huge potential for N to have killed Nori. It seems to be long ago since neither seem to really recognize each other beyond Nori's statement.

DDs don't vary too much in model, aside from 'female' versus 'male' models. Along with that, the two had much more important events happening in their lives, and N looks vastly different in his "murder" state as opposed to his normal one.

We don't know what exactly happened to Nori that had her ending up down here. I have a speculation that she likely wasn't down in the research labs the entire time, or else she likely would have found the Patch much sooner.

Something I want to point out about Heart Nori is her attire.

She is seen wearing something akin to a mourning hat (aka a widow's cap). Clearly, she is alive (and she seems to be confident of Khan's state), so why exactly is she wearing this? The veil is meant for privacy for a woman's emotions while grieving, so what is she grieving?.

It could be Nori is grieving the life she once had or the life she could have had before Cyn came and destroyed it. She is mourning herself and her losses while trying to remedy them. I think the veil also symbolizes that she will likely be closed off to others, hence why she is so crass and straight to the point. Perhaps in the next episode, it will be removed when she potentially confronts Uzi.

It's clear Nori believes all the bad things in her daughter's life are because of her, as she states "I caused every horror in her life." But she doesn't just sit and wallow in her sorrows, she decides to remain pragmatic and address the situation as best as she can with her knowledge.

Back with Cyn, or "Tessa" as she claims to be, she is seen walking through the same area shown before where Yeva resided. It seems the drones experimented on were chained up for precautions, as we also see several magnets on each drone's head. One of the drones even seems to have its teeth out and oil-coated on them.

We see her entering into JCJenson's "Project Cabin-Fever Database" to find the list she had previously mentioned.

I won't lie, this part perplexes me. Cyn apparently wants to take these drones (and presumably any connected drones) down. I'm unsure if it means just the top two or the entire list. Does "corrupted" infer that the specific drone didn't survive The Solver? Or that The Solver actually worked on them? I'm assuming "No Effect" means exactly that: The Solver had no effect on them when trying to "infect" them with it.

Cyn purges the list after viewing this, perhaps because it says "PATCH.2.1.8" next to Yeva. She doesn't want anyone to find out about the patch. She presumes that both Yeva and Nori are dead, so this not being true doesn't contribute to the fact she purges this list.

Purging the list also seems to purge the entire room, as shortly after confirming the process the area explodes to pieces.

We have an interesting encounter with Cyn and Doll here. Doll obviously believes she is talking to a human, and she asks about the patch. Presumably, she knew about this patch for a long while, just needing the key bug that Uzi found in episode 4 to obtain it since it was located somewhere underneath Cabin Fever Labs. Apparently, Cyn also needed this key bug, as it seems she couldn't gain access with just Tessa's skin suit. She knew about the patch from her previous encounters with Nori and Yeva, so her goal was to destroy it.

She tells Doll she essentially doesn't need her to go through with her plans, insinuating it's already too late to stop Cyn. Of course, Doll doesn't know this and is attacked by Cyn's true form after this short altercation.

This is startling (not referring to the jump scare, though it did its job), as Cyn knows that she's close to completing her goal. She doesn't need Doll at all, she is just another obstacle to eliminate (which she does so gleefully).

We see the results of Cyn's attack on Doll. "Tessa" shows up quickly after, and uses that as a guise to kill Uzi. I don't think this is purposeful, as N and Uzi are already separated and unless Cyn knows N is approaching doesn't need to use Doll's death as an excuse to blame and kill Uzi.

Perhaps this bought Cyn more time if N showed, but I find it more likely as a happy accident, as N finds "Tessa" before she's about to pierce Uzi's core.

Although, I don't think Cyn actually expected N to kill "Tessa." I believe she thought that N and Tessa's relationship was too sturdy to have N ever consider hurting her, let alone beheading her. Along with the fact that Cyn no longer knows N as well as she previously did, especially since he met Uzi, she seems to have miscalculated N's priorities.

The following fight deserves a post of its own, along with the analysis of N and Uzi's relationship, so I won't go too deep into it now.

So skipping that entire section (for now) let's jump back to Cyn. After Uzi and N's hug session, we see Cyn take Doll's body, proceeding to eat the girl's heart (which is seen writhing before being consumed). We can assume that the host is not necessarily dead until their heart is destroyed -- likely a big reason Cyn gave the Disassembly Drones so many offensive tools and the capability to consume Worker Drones: she wanted to create as many opportunities as possible to prevent a heart from surviving.

This may also explain why Nori survived, and why Yeva is presumed to be dead. Unfortunately, this means Doll is gone for good.

Cyn is labeled as what looks to be 001 (or 1001). We know she's not labeled as one of the experiments on Copper-9, but what was she the first model of? A normal worker drone? She was at the very bottom of a huge trash pile in episode 5, so this plays out if she was one of the very first models, especially one that may have been disposed of improperly early on.

It's obvious that the Absolute Solver existed before Cyn, but was this the first time it was able to successfully claim a host? It seems that The Absolute Solver and Cyn are one, and always have been since Cyn reawakened. Humans must have had evidence of The Solver existing beforehand though, since Cyn was marked with an armband here.

Something else to note about episode five...

Other drones in this scene were also labeled 001 (or 1001) So I am assuming it's more of a batch number if anything.

Back to episode 7, it seems that Cyn had been in Tessa's skin for a long time. She likely died with the rest of the humans in the manor. It is intriguing how the skin hadn't rotted off, but let's assume that Cyn's Solver helps create flesh to keep up appearances and keep Tessa's skin... fresh. This can help explain the blood coming from "Tessa" in episode 6 when she's bitten by a Sentinel.

It seems that Cyn intends to consume both N and Uzi after revealing herself. She states that she's "Honestly starving," before disappearing down the flesh chasm made long ago.

We see Uzi after her sacrifice... somewhere seemingly in space. Let's assume that this isn't some sort of vision/dream/hallucination she's seeing and that Cyn isn't manipulating Uzi's surroundings.

What she's seeing is Copper-9 from outside the planet... this isn't a flashback, nor is it the planet exploding. Remember Copper-9's core imploded on itself and sent bits of the planet out, hence why everything there is frozen over. I think she's seeing the core of (or supposedly the lack-there-of-one) Copper-9 here.

What is the core supposed to be here then? I'm not sure if it's meant to be similar to Earth where the core is made up of extremely hot metals. But with it exposed there's less pressure to help keep the core from melting (again, assuming it has a similar structure to Earth).

Copper-9 is no longer habitable for humans, so the existence of these metals in the core doesn't make sense.

Let's take a look at the scene before this.

Me and a few others played with the idea that Uzi fell into a black hole at the bottom. While I think a fun theory, I don't think that makes sense. The yellow sparks likely have something to do with The Absolute Solver, and Uzi ending up hundreds (thousands?) miles away from Copper-9 and her loved ones.

The way the light sparks reminds me of when Doll would teleport from place to place. I think Uzi may have been teleported away by Cyn since it seems Cyn was planning on consuming both her and N. It may have been a fluke on Cyn's part, though of course, we won't know for a while. Maybe Nori was able to manipulate The Solver in some way to prevent Uzi's death. Or perhaps Nori is also going to be in space scavenging or trying to determine a way back to Copper-9.

That's all I have for now. I'm planning on making a separate post for N and Uzi in this episode specifically at some point, along with some other character analysis and some final moments for others.

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sentfromwolves · 2 months

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◈—⌈ SENTFROMWOLVES ⌋ writeblr introduction ²⁰²⁴

Hi everyone, and welcome to my writeblr 2024 introduction. My name is Eran (they/he & freshly thirty) and I've been on writeblr for awhile, so you might've seen me around. ( •̀ ω •́ ) This is my yearly post to introduce the projects I'll be working on this year, what I write, and who I am. I'll be keeping it short and sweet.

I'd love to meet more writers this year, so if you write any of the following, or just like these genres, or even just wanna shout about ocs together, come holler and I'll give you a follow!

◈ — sci-fi and fantasy of any kind! cozy fantasy, romantasy, epic fantasy, space opera? this is my bread and butter, and I love shouting about it from the rooftops with others! ◈ — found families, ot3s, complicated soulmates. I am almost always writing about soulmates who have either killed each other at least once in the past or are planning some sort of murder. Complicated relationships, especially found families that aren't all rainbows and butterflies, are right up my alley. ◈ — queer and trans protagonists, large queer casts! all of my wips feature trans/nonbinary leads, and I'm always looking for more queer writer friends to connect with! ◈ — hope at the end of the tunnel, but hell to get to. I write stories with hopeful endings, with the sun on the horizon, with the promise that something better might now at long last be on the way. I love seeing characters get put through hell, but I love it even more when they make it to the other side. (if you write tragedy though, please know I will still cry on your doorstep if you'll have me) ◈ — corruption arcs, redemption arcs, sometimes both! Deeply nuanced characters with messy attitudes, and even messier actions. I'm just as equally obsessed with cool worldbuilding as I am with character-driven things, and I will yell about ocs all day, and maybe draw them too >:3 ◈ — big, epic, and sweeping worldbuilding! I am a huge fan of delving into the worldbuilding aspect of my wips. I love building magic systems, cultures, geographies, and more. One of my 2024 projects is doing a worldbuilding experiment blog at some point. I am always down to clown over worldbuilding, whether to sound board or just holler together!

There's a lot more I could say here, but this post can only get so long! Σ(っ °Д °;)っ my dms are always open, and I will follow back most of the time! But just to get all of the basics outta the way:

◈—« here's a quick and dirty rundown of how I work! »—◈

➺ I interact and follow from @calamityeden, so if you see that username, it's just me.✌️I am most active on discord, and if we become friends, you're more than welcome to ask to add me there. ➺ I am open to being tagged in writeblr games! Just know that I am not online all the time, and might be slow to respond to them. 🐌 ➺ My ask box and DMs are open, just please be respectful. I love meeting new writers and talking about projects! I am happy to chat and make new friends. You're always welcome! 💌 ➺ This is a strictly 18+ writeblr. Please DNI with me if you are a minor and respect my boundaries.

🪄You can find my core tags here under my writing and my graphics, as well as writer reminders, game train and catharsis. (❁´◡`❁) And now onto the fun part! My 2024 main project line up!

I have my main four listed here that you'll probably hear me yelling about pretty consistently, but I've also got a lot of other projects rattling around in my brain. So if you're ever curious about a project that's not here, feel free to yell at me about it! >:3

Genre: Dark Urban Fantasy Standalone.

Status: First Draft Complete (117k)—Revising for beta round one.

There's a clock tattooed on Nemesis's wrist, and when it reaches midnight on his 21st birthday, it will kill him. It doesn't help that his mom is the one that cursed him, and the demon currently possessing his car ate her before Nemesis could convince her to break the damned thing. Thankfully, Judge came prepared with an alternative: help him break into a mythical living city and steal its heart, and in return, he'll shatter Nemesis's curse for free. Accompanied by a three-headed hellhound, a haunted holy sword, and an excommunicated exorcist, Judge and Nemesis set their sights on an impossible heist. But the closer Nemesis gets to the heart, the more he begins to realize that he isn't the only one under a curse. And if he doesn't find a way to break Judge's soon, his own life will be forfeit as well.

Genre: Space Opera

Status: 2024 zero drafting from scratch

Two hundred years ago, humanity expanded to the stars only to find a cosmos filled with graves. But then their children began displaying the strange ability to commune with the alien ruins scattered across the planets, waking ancient, extrasolar mecha from their sleep, and turned the struggling colonies of space explorers into the fledgling galactic nation of Sol Galatea. Now, Wren Akane is on the run from the whole galaxy, wanted for the strange alien powers throbbing through his veins. His luck runs out when he accidentally awakens an ancient Relic in the desert of his planet, only to be embedded with the memories of its last pilot and the revelation that the war that littered the cosmos with graves is far from over. But no one believes Wren when he tells them that continuing to wake the Relics will bring the hostile alien empire that destroyed them back to Sol Galatea’s doorstep. Only Wren’s rival pilot, Marek Khalid, seems interested in a word Wren has to say. But Marek doesn’t want to save Sol Galatea. He has big plans for what to do when the aliens arrive, a rebellion to lead, and if Wren isn’t on his side, he’s in his way. With time running out, Wren must soon decide how far he’s willing to go to save the people that never tried to save him—or if Marek is right, and he should let the stars burn instead.

Genre: Adult Romantasy

Status: First Draft (1k/100k)

Once a year, Celestials from all across the Lumina Kingdom gather together for Eventide, the season of courtship, hoping to win the hand of the most eligible star at court. Sirius knows the game they play all too well: by day, he is the forgettable, miserable daughter of the Lumina Family, least of his seven siblings and wanted only for the royal blood running through his veins. By night, however, Sirius is the Starweaver—the mysterious dressmaker taking the kingdom by storm. Everyone wants to know the identity of the one responsible for elaborate outfits that turn even the quietest Celestial in the room into the star of the show, outshining even Sirius’s luminous sibling, Diana. When the infamous King Beyond Midnight arrives with the intent to wed Diana, Sirius finds his secret in jeopardy when the condition for their hand in marriage is a simple challenge: reveal the Starweaver's true identity. There’s no outsmarting Octavian for long, and soon, Sirius will have to make a choice: give up on his passion and stay hidden forever, or risk everything to stay true to who he really is.

Genre: Second World Urban Fantasy

Status: Outlining

Something changes the day that Nakano Touya returns to the crumbling city of Soma Lux. It starts with voices in the radio static, blurry figures caught on camera, always out of focus. When a monster crawls out of Touya's television screen and eats him, the last thing he expects is to find a strange, shadowy otherworld lurking on the other side. But his biggest problem isn't the monsters of the otherworld that want to eat him, or the talking cat that saved him, now living in his apartment without a care in sight. Soma Lux is experiencing a strange new epidemic—one that Touya is completely unaffected by. But when his half-sister falls comatose, Touya knows he has to get to the bottom of it all to save her—and find out why he's the only one immune. Accompanied by his jaded ex-boyfriend, Touya’s nosy classmates, a part-time fortune teller, and a cantankerous old hag, Touya dives into the murky underbelly of Soma Lux, where the realities have begun to bleed together between his world and the next.

That's all for now! >:3 Here's to an amazing 2024! (also my actual blog is a mess right now please do not mind it ksjndfskfn)

#writeblr intro #writing community #writeblr #my writing #my graphics #hey all hehe i just decided i'll probs do a fresh one of these every year to make sure i can pin an accurate wip list to the top #especially as i change wips from year to year!#i mostly am on discord #but i want to be able to meet new writer friends here too especially as the community grows!#seriously feel free to holler anytime #i'm usually around somewhere :3

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parasytte · 1 year

Note

Omg I got 2 scenarios

1) what if Ivan (yan!gamer) and reader knew eachother irl? Like reader is like gushing about this new player whos super nice and talking about their fun experiences with them and Ivan knows theyre talking about him but he still doesn’t have enough confidence to tell reader its him cause it might make things awkward?

2) its similar to the first one but instead of reader gushing about Ivan, its another player? Like Ivan overhears reader talk about this sweet person who likes the same things as them and is always flirty, funny and overall just a fun person to be with? Then ivan gets jealous and stuff?

going w number 2 because i <3 jealous ppl ,, changed ur ask just a teensy winsy bit ,, also not proofread

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

it had become basically a routine now since you’ve got a new best friend - ivan.

everyday at a certain time of day, like clockwork, you’d call him and play a few games with him while talking about your day.

you really enjoyed this part of your day .. you might even say it’s your favorite part of the day - but do you know who enjoyed your little gaming/chatting sessions even more?

ivan.

every single day he’d sit at his gaming chair just staring at his pc. his leg would bounce at a fast speed while he picked at the skin around his fingers, waiting for your message.

his heart feels like it’s going to burst out of his chest when a ‘ding!’ comes from his pc.

“hi !! i’m home now :))) wanna call and play ????”

ivan types so fast he misspells, “yws plessee”, as he hits the call button before the message can even finish sending.

you answer almost as fast as he called god his heart fluttered .. you must be just as excited to talk to him as he is to talk to you !!!! and he even though he’s heard your voice a million times ivan will never, ever get sick of it.

the call’s usually always begin the same, you guys say a quick ‘hello’ and decide what game to play then take turns talking about your days, but this call is different.

ivan can tell just from your voice what your feeling; no matter how good you are at hiding it, and today you clearly aren’t doing a good job masking the giddiness in your voice.

he can practically hear the way your trying to bite back the smile he just knows is on your lips. it makes ivan happy, too.

he smiles, “c’mon, what’s got you so happy today?” ivan asks.

you respond with a coy “nothing!” but ivan isn’t fooled. god, you’re so cute. what has you acting this way?

“i’m not stupid, y/n,” ivan says back, “tell me? pleaseee?” he begs. you roll your eyes at this and let out a laugh, unable to bite back your smile.

“okay, okay! i’ll tell you …” you take a moment to gather your words.

“there’s this person ..”

ivan’s smile drops.

“.. and their just ..”

his heart stops fluttering.

“… so amazing.”

his heart shatters.

all of a sudden, ivan isn’t so happy you’re happy. what the fuck do you mean “there’s this person” ? the happiness ivan felt before has now turned into red-hot anger and the butterflies that were once fluttering lively in his stomach have now turned into rage-filled locusts that are trying to tear their way out of his throat.

he’s so angry about this person that he hasn’t even noticed that you were waiting for his response.

“ivan? ivan, are you there?” your voice snaps him back into reality.

“.. huh? oh, sorry! my discord has been so glitchy today.” ivan lies through gritted teeth. “you said something about a person, right? tell me more about them!”

at this you go on and on about this person you’ve been talking too lately- about how their so sweet, funny, and just oh-so fun to be around! is he not enough for you? - and as outraged as ivan is, and how bad he just feels like breaking something .. or, better yet, tracking down that pathetic, sorry, low-life bastard that he can’t even find the words to describe, and give them what they deserve, atleast, on the bright side, the more you talk about this person, the more he knows about them.

and the sooner he can deal with this home-wrecker.

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spicypopcornfromhell · 7 months

Text

IF I GET NERFED FOR BEING TRANSFEM MY DISCORD IS POPCORNFROMHELL (mutuals only) if not ask first

This blog is safe for systems and/or otherkin. Yall are valid idc what the feds say fuck em neopronouns are also fucking dope. Idc what you look like your hot and if you see this you get one (1) kiss and one(1)headpats. Also im like trans now. It took me 18 yrs but i figured it out

This blog is also pro therian(idk if spelling is correct)

If i say no animals yalls are excluded welcome to the blog

2024 jan 8th( i think)

I has a discord if mutuals wan it ig

Thanks for making me realise, a list of contributors:

Other trans ppl

Femboys

Furrys

Irl cis women ik

Egg irl

Traaaaaaa

Funny kink list( it dosent apply to you so if ur not into it I understand lol, a good example is my piss kink. If you aren't into that kink, I would avoid it whenever I talk to/reference you. Thus rather focusing on what your into if it fits my criteria)

Hell you dont even have to be horny here, this space exists as my "I'm a adult and interested in my own sex life" blog.

Last edit 2023dec

So I reblog alot of porn or written thoughts and sometimes memes. However it is like a cursed pendulum it changes at random the ratio I post and what I post. Today it has just been hentai. Tomorrow it might me horny thoughts of myself or other peaple please keep that in mind uwu

Before we begin:

Hiiiii it's me I'm pop but pet names and nicknames are also chill👍 I'm 89.9% submissive and I can top in a subby way though I'm mostly bottom ❤ I have they/them pronouns and such but use like any pronouns you'd like,(neopronouns welcome) HOWEVER pls pls pls try not to use masc pronouns bc I'm girl now heheheh yayyyyy!!!!!!

dude is gender neutral here👍

Oops I forgot to add I wanna try bottoming sometime lol bc am virgin

Dec8 update. Ok maybe domming is cool but im still a submissive bitch. Tho i can be a dom amongst subs

Dec19

Heyyyyy i saw other people say this but like

I struggle messaging first alot of the time and like im sorry mutualssssss

Hii yes you found my kink exploration and h3nt8i blog+y1ff so theres that

I like

Toys

Furrys

Furry toys (those tail things and cat ears and such)

Casual hj

Casual nudaty ( basicly only thighighs or such idk)

Good vibes in public (literal) app controlled lol

Mutually getting off casually

Calling my dominant master ( or any dom name idk)

Causal free use between partners

Biting( any participant)

Clamps

Fingers in mouth kink

Choking

tounge biting

Tied up with other subs (bc group activity is fun uwu)

2 domms but like at once

Watersportsss( both top/bottem)

freeuse( again, yes)

Being manhandled (rough)

Ear licking( I get the asmr now) + endogenous zone

Neck biting/kissing

Ik I missed ALOT of kinks so ye sorry bout that

Tbf I'm into most things kinky but I have my limits so discuss first uwu

I do not like

Transphobes ( dni like go die painfully )

Maps(pedos) ( no no no dni die)

Chasers (VERY FUCKING RELEVANT NOW)

Verbal degradation (do it physically rather ig)

Like you can call me slut and what not but bc of trauma dont like say I'm shit or not enough and such bc nah

Beasiality/zoophilia ( kids and animals dont belong in kink )

Minors( join my sfw blog but FUCK Off from here)

Age regressors are fine tho welcome hiiii

If you didn't get it the first time animals and kids do not belong in kink.

I'm putting down these limits because I want this to be a safe space for kinky (vannila is also chill)queer peaple and if you are a proper ally to lgbtqa+ then cis peaple are fine here but straight peaple are gonna struggle finding their stuff here . I mean ur welcome but like I'm trans, and if you cant be fine with the fact I'm trans then leave.

In other words, cis peaple are welcome. Respect my boundaries, i respect yours. Also respecting boundaries are hot btw

I talk alot about t4t and gay shit both ways. You wont find relatable stuff here (unless you're into the hentai/yiff) nothing personal ofc

Also also final thing is you can call me any pet names but please, try going for the more feminine complements and pet names and nicknames 2024 update no more masc terms byeeeeeeee am so trans it hurts

Do not call me this,(slurs) unless you are trans them we can be ironic about it

tranny

, if you are cis NO, i kick you. In crotch. The unpleasant way. Transpeaple that reclaimed this can be ironic about it lol

, sissy cuntboy or shemale ,

No. I kick you in crotch. The bad perma injury way.

Heyyy I did a thing yall

Also sorry for the mispells bc website flags words on posts I thinks

Aight this shit bout to get updated for my safety bc of what happend

Commandments of my dms

If ur lgbtqa+ ur chill come say hi even

I accept Cis ppl that are chil and accepting (chasers die)

If ur straight tho then this place ain't really for you (affectionate bc I have straight besties that actually are nice)

Do NOT just storm into dms with an exception of pics, being freeusse is a bedroom fantasy I do with CONSENTING peaple. If I havent given you a go ahead then you talk to me like a person

I'm here to make queer gay bi/pan and trans besties. Chill cis peaple are also chill because I realise that allies exist and that gay/lesbian/bi pan peaple also exist

Also If ur sapphic i do also reblog waifus so everybody profits from this blog, still do chat with me bc I like meeting new peaple. No being horny isint rlly a requirement bc I use this blog to Express my more sensual and sexual side sure, but like we can just like for example gush about our fantasies and traumadump to eachover.

Also I forget to mention if you are a mutual you basicly already have most of my trust

Anything below marked in red is mentions of trauma and venting ignore if you wish

I like shit when its consensual but I dont like rape, idk why but it's a serious topic for me .27nov2023 I saw someshit depicting it and not only did it kill the mood I legit felt shit the whole morning, I get cnc but non consent is fucked. It affected me when I was young , it still affects me today. I wasent touched and I may be a softie but having a bathroom door forced open while I was doing my stuff in there, even today I struggle to pee in public bathrooms oh and I got bladder infection from that. Long story short rape is fucked and if you condone actual rape I hope to whatever is out there you die. Once more I reiterate but cnc stuff is fine. Actual stuff is not.

Ty for understanding ig

This piece of shit pinned keeps growing huh

Hehe( vanilla means treat me like a prince/princess/gender neutral term for those)

Big words bc eng is my 2nd language. Idk what half of those means

I'm guessing hostility means I'm a brat uwu

If you red this far for some reason then I'm proud of youu❤ also even tho I'm a sub TOPS and dommes also deserve praise

Also 3 dec edit: ive been giving it thought and i knew i wasent cis, but im like, super trans. Its comforting knowing who i am after years of doubt.

Also new pronouns just dropped!!!!!!

@meandering-rook im not leaving that response to die in the tags uwu this is like top tear complements

Woah uwu

2023last edit 29dec

Ummmmm im trying a feminine alias

Call me poppy or Silova or any feminine name your brains conjure

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anamericangirl · 10 days

Note

You know, AAG (Can I call you Aggie?), I really wonder how people like that anon exist.

"Trump is a known rapist" Evidence: Honestly, I'm being genuine here, none. I have been asking for evidence for 4 years now. Apparently it's "Common knowledge" as I've been told hundreds of times, which means it should be super easy to find evidence, right?

So why can't I find it? It's not on Wikipedia, there's no evidence shown on any videos, anywhere, even in liberal Discords and liberal image boards and liberal discussion boards and Reddit and shit, I can't find ANY evidence of him being a rapist other than "A lot of people say he is and state it as fact."

Meanwhile: "Biden showers with kids" Literally saw the video. "Hunter fucked his niece" Saw the screencaps of it on 4chan. "Bill Clinton on Epstein Island with a very questionably aged girl literally on a leash" Seen the picture thousands of times now. "Hunter getting massaged by a bunch of children's feet" Seen it, that one's old, everyone's seen it.

Got evidence of those instantly, no questions asked. Didn't even WANT to see that evidence, I just had it shown to me against my will. Literally no discussion to be had about those ones, I just believe those ones. I promise you, if I saw any hard evidence that Trump was: - Racist - Homophobic - Genocidal against trans people - A Nazi - A rapist - Hiding under the bed right now mom please check again I know he's down there and he's making trans people kill themselves - Literally any other thing liberals call him

I would believe them. If they would just produce proof, I'd believe them.

But Aggie, to this day, not one of them has actually provided proof other than "What, you don't trust me?" or changing the subject into "Oh okay bootlicker bet that boot tastes really yummy bootlicker you just love eating Trump's fucking boots"

Bitch I don't even like Trump, I just like to know that when I'm being told someone is a rapist that there's evidence to back that fuckin claim up.

Not you, Aggie. Anon's the bitch. Libs are the bitches.

Well, I won't speak for you, if you wanna be a bitch you be the hardest bitch there you can be. At least capital BITC on that. I wouldn't go too far though, you could transform into one of those humorless women who loudly announces that they don't find jokes funny when they happen on a movie 12 other people just laughed at.

I'm high I'm sorry.

You can call me whatever lol.

And that's the thing leftists don't realize.

"Well he's been called a rapist/racist/homophobe/transphobe/nazi so that should be enough to convince you. If you need evidence that just makes you all of those same things!!"

If there was evidence Trump was a rapist it would be all over the place all the time. Everywhere. Like when he said "grab 'em by the pussy" 10+ years ago and people are still going on about it as if he committed a serious crime by speaking those words. So if he was a rapist we wouldn't have to ask them for evidence and they wouldn't have to launch their ad hominem attacks because it would be everywhere. It would be all any media was talking about.

Meanwhile you have Biden in office right now with substantial evidence of very serious crimes, we have photographic and video evidence of him being a creep to children and his own daughter's journal entry about "probably inappropriate" showers with him and they don't give a fuck.

But don't worry even high you're a lot more rational and level headed than the "trump is a rapist" anons lol.

#anon #answered

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babacontainsmultitudes · 4 months

Note

Ngl getting worried that "Sparrow doesn't like Normal" thing has been said so much on the show that the actual cast forgot that isn't true ......

Hi anon! Okay first of all, this was a very cathartic ask to receive, to the point that it kind of cracked me up when I first read it, so thank you, you were so real for this. I can empathize with this sentiment (though I had no plans on voicing it) and I've felt similarly for… A while honestly.

You sent this back in December (heh. classic baba.), and while I didn't forget, honestly I intended to answer this in a manner that's a bit more. Organized but… I sort of lost sight of where I wanted to go with things, to be honest with you, and I didn't wanna leave you hanging forever! Still, a couple notes and tangentially-related thoughts…

(Oh, maybe before we get into it- I assume based on the nature of this ask that you probably read this post of mine, but perhaps I'll leave it here as additional context for anyone who happens to find themselves reading this).

Okay, in Will's case to be totally real I've never confidently felt that he realizes that it's not true? If my memory serves, the first time the idea comes up at all is in episode 17:

Which irked me a bit at the time, in part because to me it feels pretty blatantly discordant with Sparrow's characterization- in general but also since he literally says this during the dance scene:

but even more so because it feels very inconsistent with Normal's degree of shock during this same scene. All the same, for a while I could still look past it, on the basis that y'know it's a very teenage thing to make mountains out of molehills and leap to increasingly cynical conclusions the way Normal tends to do, and so perhaps it was all intentional, and as both Sparrow and Normal went through a bit of growth and development, things would slowly turn out alright. :0 A bit willfully naïve, I suppose! But what can you do.

In Anthony's case… I've actually been pretty happy with what he's given us of Sparrow for the past little while, honestly. Sigh but still now and then Anthony will say things offhandedly like this (transcribing myself from episode 47 since the transcript isn't out yet):

Anthony: (…) The only thing keeping you together is the absolute ignorance you have of the fact that maybe the only person who ever showed you any real affection in the last couple years of your life is dead, and the fact that you don't know is all that keeps you going. But the only thing that keeps me going is [ADVERTIZEMENT].

And while that joke lead-in was very funny, it's also just. Objectively not true? Like even aside from all the instances of Sparrow being very affectionate with Norm (including in the dance scene), the other teens? Lark? Rebecca???? All of them have shown Normal affection in one way or another throughout the course of the show. Like, I get that he probably mostly did it for the joke but. Eh, still rubs me the wrong way I suppose.

As for the rest of the cast… It's hard to say, and I guess less important at the end of the day. The other teens' responses to Norm in the last episode make sense for the most part given their POVs imo, so while frustrating to a degree, I can't really fault them for it. Still… Hm, in Scary's case I briefly discussed what I would sort have wanted/liked to come from her own interactions with Sparrow after episode 37 here, and tbh I suppose everything outlined there is still more or less what my ideal scenario would have looked like!

So honestly I suppose that's it anon! I could talk more but I would most definitely begin to stray off topic if I did lol. Thank you kindly for the ask! 💜

#and I guess let's keep our fingers crossed that the finale is... alright 🤞#dndads #sparrow oak #sparrow oak garcia #dungeons and daddies #normal oak #normal oak swallows garcia #asks #baba babbles #if I actually used that damn talking tag consistently it might actually prove useful smh

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sewmice · 2 months

Note

Hai as a decently new utapri fan I wanted to ask your opinion on how new fans should get into utapri after finishing the anime. Should they play through the otomes games or maybe try listening to the Masterpiece shows instead?

Welcome to Utapri! I hope you're enjoying the ride so far! And as someone who has been here for 12 years, welcome to Utapri hell, this is your life now! (with love of course)

Since the Masterpiece shows are all alternate universes/acting, it doesn't technically matter? So the real question is, do you like the idol side or the romance side more? Idol side, go for the masterpiece shows. Romance go for the games. And honestly switch around as you please. Just get to SOME game knowledge at some point because that's where you really learn about the boys after all. Personally it's best to know at least a little from everything.

Also the next most important thing will be whether you know Japanese or not. Because currently the anime, movies, and Starish special are the only things available in English. So what you can enjoy is more limited. Shining Live was in English for it's lifespan, and has some archives out there. Live Emotion we can only hope will have an English version but we do not know currently.

Now my answer to assist gets real long so gonna put it under a cut for everyone's sanity.

If you know Japanese, absolutely go enjoy the otome games, all of which have updated ports on the Switch! The release order and thus suggested order would be Repeat, Amazing Aria and Sweet Serenade, Debut, All Star, and finally All Star After Secret. And one day we'll have Dolce Vita.

If you want Quartet Night, while you meet them in Debut, their routes start with All Star. Ringo and Ryuuya have routes in Sweet Serenade and All Star if you're looking for them. Mitsuo in Amazing Aria is well....you'll see.

If you don't know Japanese, I still suggest looking into the games, but your options are more limited. ShiningWonderland has a fantastic crew pushing out translations. They're working on Repeat for Starish and All Star for QN currently. Couple of the routes are finished for at least one ending and others seem to be nearing completion. But I can't speak for that team past that. They are all wonderful people though!

If you don't mind getting a shortened, not amazing experience. There are some old summaries floating around from Breadmasterlee. Those, plus some friends who could understand enough, were how I learned parts of the games back in the day. Not the preferred experience though.

You could also technically struggle your way through with like Google Lens translation? Definitely not recommended though.

As for the masterpiece shows, again if you know Japanese, just enjoy them. If you wanna know what order they released in, the sets were as follows: Masquerade Mirage, Tenka Muteki no Shinobimichi, and Joker Trap Bloody Shadows, Pirates of the Frontier, Every Buddy!, and Polaris Lost Alice, Trios, and The Forest of Lycoris Dreaming of OZ, Never Again Neverland, and Faust Last Cantata

I know that next to last set, the Shining Masterpiece Shows, have translations by Kanasmusings. You can also find translations for some other dramas there, and subtitles for a majority of the stage plays (you will need your own file or DVD/BD).

The most recent Dramatic Masterpiece Shows seem to be works in progress at the moment. I know utapri-translations-uuuu is working on Heavens! And the CDs can be found in my masterlist.

The older ones I don't know off the top of my head if translations exist at all.

There are also Discord servers amongst the community, some public and some private, with resources and amazing people. But I'm not sure on how appropriate it would be to post the public ones. They don't allow piracy so as much as I push buying legally, uh, understandably linking from my blog publicly feels wrong. You can very likely find said discords via the Twitter fandom. Or talk to me in DMs.

This is a lot of info I know. Trying to cover as many bases as I can off the top of my head! Enjoy Utapri!

#uta no prince sama #utapri

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blacktobackmesa · 7 months

Text

Circus Peanuts - a Half Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware Minific

It's the middle of the night, and one eldritch horror calls another to talk about that clown cartoon. Canon to the Streamman fanfiction continuity, but exists on its own.

Written as part of my personal NaNoWriMo challenge to work on fiction for an hour a day.

“You’d tell me if I was like Caine, right?”

“...whu?”

“I–I know it’s late,” The caller stammered. “Sorry. I saw you were up from your Discord… thingy. The… fuck, I don’t know works. Words. The green dot.”

“Status. The status thingy..”

“Yeah, you can tell I just woke up, huh? It’s nothing. Sorry–”

“No, no, don’t hang up,” the recipient cut in. “Commit to your bit. You wanted to ask about Cane’s.”

That made him laugh. Victory. “No, not Cane’s. Caine. The ringmaster guy.”

The recipient’s eyebrows furrowed for a moment, then raised to the brim of his bonnet. “Talking about the clown show?”

“Yeah, way to not make me feel goofy about it.”

“Fuck. No, that’s– didn’t mean to sound like that. That’s a real question. You mean the teeth from the clown puppet show.”

“Yeah, that. That’s the… wait, puppet?”

“Cartoons are picture puppets, y’know?.”

“We can unpack that later,” the caller decided.

“Was it a dream or just night thoughts? Or something else?”

“Dream.”

The recipient crossed one leg over the other and curled his finger around an imaginary phone cord. “You wanna tell me about it?”

“Mm. I don’t remember the whole thing, but I’ll tell you the important stuff.”

The recipient waited for a moment as his friend got his thoughts sorted.

“We were playing something together, the whole team. There were some parts where it was streamed? But other times that wasn’t part of it, and it was hard to tell who was the host. But I must have gone through the wrong door or something, and I ended up in the Amazing Digital Circus. The place, not the… the cartoon. I mean, I guess it was in the cartoon, since it’s about the place. It really depends–”

“Did that matter?”

“What?”

“If it was the place or the cartoon.”

“I don’t know.”

“Keep going.”

Yeah, he could practically hear the eyes rolling. “Alright. Well, I was there. The team wasn’t. And I was kind of in Pomni’s role– you know, the jester girl. But she was there, too, so it was more like I was just the new guy after her.”

“It’s your self insert fanfiction.”

“Fuck, yeah. That’s… that’s legiterately what it… that’s not a word. Literally, legitimately what it was.”

“Be cringe and free.”

“I wasn’t free, though!” He almost laughed. “That’s the whole thing about the circus, you’re stuck there. And that’s why Caine does the adventures, right? He’s… I mean, there’s lots of ways to interpret the pilot, but that’s what I figured: Caine does the adventures so that the people trapped there have something to keep them occupied and fulfilled and all that. He’s not exactly, uh, sane about it, but he’s not trying to hurt them, he just doesn’t understand what it’s like to be them, he knows they need something to interact with and just makes shit up so they have something to do with their lives–”

“Ohhhh.”

“You get it?”

“Yeah. That’s fucked,” he confirmed. “Now breathe before you pass out.”

From the sounds on the other end, that’s just what he did.

“So whuhappen?”

“It’s a little fuzzy,” the caller went on. “We had some task, but it changed through dream logic stuff. Something like finding keys in eggs. But my brain wasn’t fully locked into the dream logic, so whenever something changed it just fucked with me real hard. I was just freaking out about being stuck there, about not being able to go back home, what would happen to my kid and my apartment and…”

He trailed off.

“And what?”

He took a deep breath.

“You guys,” he finished. “What would happen to you guys if I was gone. That’s when… this is the part that fucked with me, I guess. At some point, even though they still looked and sounded like the cartoon characters, my brain decided that the circus characters were the Science Team.”

“Oh, cool. Was I the bunny?”

“Was–” he wheezed a little. “I don’t know. That’s not important.” “It is.”

“No.”

“Yuh-huh.”

“No, it wasn’t– it wasn’t a direct, one-to-one thing. It was more like the concept. The concepts got crossed. It wasn’t… I didn’t Kin Assign you guys.”

“Boo.”

“Ignoring that. It was around that time that Caine kind of disappeared from the dream, and I didn’t even notice until I woke up. Instead, I had to be the one who set up things to do to keep the circus team busy. And when I got into that, my mind kind of… stopped being about being trapped. The dream kind of morphed, the way dreams do. By the time I woke up, it wasn’t even about being trapped in the circus anymore. It was brainstorming for next week’s stream, just inside the circus. It happened so smoothly.”

There was a lull in the conversation. The caller seemed out of steam. The listener continued to twirl their invisible phone cord.

“You wanna play Carnival Games for the Wii next week?”

“...No, Benrey. Not really.”

“Why?”

“...I don’t know. Motion controls.”

“You use VR legiterately all the time.”

“Heh. Maybe.”

“Maybe yes?”

“Look, just… thanks for listening.”

“Mm. Thanks for talking.”

#hlvrai #hlvrai fanfiction #gordon streamman #the amazing digital circus #hey circus fans! hope you don't mind me using your main tag.

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emiliasilverova · 10 months

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A reclist of Tenshi's work (and some memories)

It's late here and my whole being demands sleep, but I promised to myself I'd make a reclist of my favourite things @slimysuckers/@tentacletenshi ever made for Tenshi day, so here goes.

As far as photomanips go, there's really one that immediately comes to mind: the hug in camo. I just love it, I can't tell you much more than that.

For fics, however, there are three of them I'd like to mention:

Welcome Home, You're No Longer Alone—I have a funny story about that one. See, I first stumbled upon it way before I joined the Café, knew Tenshi personally, or even shipped any combination of 00Q00... but the art struck me (I mean, it's uh, very striking indeed 🥵). I had to frantically search the whole Bond category on AO3 to find it again (maybe some people from the slack remember it?)... and yeah, I did find it. And you can be sure I'll never forget about it ever again.

Kisses Across Universes—aaaah, good, old-fashioned bondalec (and yet another amazing piece of fanart). If I dedicated my earlier post from today (A Time for Sweetness) to Tenshi, it's because of this fic. Tenshi really loved bondalec, and actually had commissioned the piece of fanart at the end before creating the fic itself. From our talks together, I can show you something she probably never showed the world before—the sketch she provided the artist to explain what she wanted (see below). It's just so sweet... reminds me she had a very extensive collection of bondalec/00Q00 fanart, btw. A real treasure trove I should download from Discord before it disappears forever (you can never be too careful these days).

And last but not least, Good Names Are Forever. I personally think this is her best (of those I read, that is). The premise, the characterisation, the plot, I love everything about it. In fact, now I remember telling her I wish I had enough skill to make a fanart of it. Considering how my art skills have dramatically improved as of late, I might just do it. I wanna bring to life this image I have in my mind: Q stands next to a sitting Alec, his hand on Alec's shoulder, and Alec gives his most Janus stare/smile and says something like "don't f*ck with my son". You'll surely understand reading the fic.

You were so shy, Tenshi... and yet, look at everything you created. Everything you brought other people to create, even. Looking through Discord messages, I see you were saying you've been in the fandom since LiveJournal days, that you've seen GE in theaters, and that basically you've always been there, even when you weren't creating yet. Even though you didn't start writing until 2020, I have the conviction you've always been there indeed. Perhaps I was seeing your name in comments, although I'll probably never know for sure. I'm so sorry you were bullied, you absolutely didn't deserve it. I'm even sorry for scaring you at first, all because of those firm Opinions I used to have. So I'll conclude with this:

*hugs the tentacle creature*

And thank you, as always.

#007 Fest #007 Fest 2023 #TeamBondVillains #Tenshi Day #alexis tenshi #slimysuckers #james bond #007 #alec trevelyan #q #quartermaster #james bond/alec trevelyan #bondalec #00q00 #fanfic #fanart #photomanipulation #rec list #my memories of tenshi

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elvenbeard · 10 months

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Then and now - shippy edition! 💜

Enabled and inspired by @pinkyjulien @humberg @arcandoria @breezypunk @kharonion and everyone else who's done something similar XD My little VP and modding journey featuring Vince and Kerry over the last few months!

So, I figure, most of you can relate to my disappointment when I realized at the end of my first playthrough that there's so little interaction possible with the main NPCs outside of their respective questlines. The text messages your LI sends you are adorable, yes. Being able to sleep in their bed and then waking up next to them? A+ game design, 100/100, every game with romances needs this. But where is my option to hug, kiss, spend time with Kerry? Rude!!

Still though, I was undeterred to create some shots for my new favourite blorbos with my vanilla game (I had never heard of AMM then (or at least was too chickenshit still to install it)).

2023/Feb/06

Behold, my first attempts at creating something shippy (and I do still like these a lot) - title: Kerry meets Nibbles.

The idea behind this is probably kinda self-explainatory XD I had these as desktop background for so long, it feels so nostalgic to look back at them now. I think I have some slightly edited versions somewhere but cannot find them for the life of me, but there's no big difference really, just some slight colour/contrast editing.

I was always a bit bummed out by the fact that Kerry's default outfit for idling at the villa is the one with sunglasses on (while over the progression of his questline he wears it less and less as he gets to know V better, as if he is letting his guard down). But oh well! Also yes, that was and still is my favourite photomode pose for V really, because it is very versatile:

But that's... really it when it comes to opportunities for shippy moments outside of the quests.

2023/Feb/09

I was yearning for more!! As you can see, these are only 3 days apart. I had done some research and learned about the "[NPC] Interactions Enhanced" mods that I highly recommend for the options to kiss and hug your LIs alone :3 And! More shippy shot opportunities, because Kerry will finally be somewhere else in his huge-ass villa besides the sofa or the bed, and take off those beloathed sunglasses:

Hhhh.... I can't tell you how happy I was about this shot. I remember yelling to my friends on Discord about it half in tears (none of them really knowing much about the game yet apart from my occasional screaming about all the angst and plot twists). I think I described it as "Vince finally feeling some actual, real happiness, daring to imagine a future", just content and relaxed, having a late night talk with Kerry. I still like it a lot, and because of the mod enabling me to take this pic I still low-key wanna look into quest-modding some day and see if I can make something in a "romance-enhanced" direction. The "Kerry calls V and wants help with cleaning up the villa" quest we all deserve xD

2023/Feb/12

Another couple of days later, and with one toe dipped into modding now, I finally installed AMM (I think, since this was around Valentine's Day, this must've been when I saw a tutorial by @pinkyjulien on how to pose your blorbos for kissing poses with AMM, and my mind was blown XD). My first attempt to even get anything accomplished was kinda frustrating though (because I wanted to do too much too quickly). In a couple of the other "then and now" posts I saw earlier that the more common approach for getting into AMM used to be "swap your characters with NPCs around the city" and I was like.... "oh, yeah, that would've made things a lot easier" 🤡 Nope, I went right in with spawning them in and trying to squish them together with poses that somewhat matched XD

The following were my first AMM-posed screenshots that worked how I wanted them to, and aösdhfdsaf I am somewhat self-conscious about them still. What is a "look at" feature? What are expressions?

I never shared these publically before but hhhhh... this is it, this is the moment where the brainrot started. They're at Dark Matter, talking about V's childhood in Charter Hill, musing about how it's insane how they both occupied almost the same spaces for such long periods of their lives and only never ran into each other due to their age difference. I'm actually still (slooooowly) working on a little comic with this scene/story as topic, cause it is so essential and important to me (based on a random spontaneous decision I made about V's past before even knowing the Dark Matter existed... right across from V's childhood home asdöasdhfjds. Setting the whole "we were destined for each other" trope I have going on with them so much in stone ;A;). This is one of the shoots I'd also really like to redo with my current VP skills... maybe when I've finished my hand-holding poses, cause yeah... hand holding ;__;

Speaking of which:

2023/Jul/13

Five months later, still stupidly in love with each other, still regularly back at the Dark Matter because the place is so gorgeous and important to them. Kerry's getting some more outfits slowly but surely (even with sunglasses!), I have a much better understanding of AMM and the VP possibilities in general now. These two unlocked completely new ways of creative expression for me that I wouldn't even have dreamed of possessing or wanting to follow. VP has become such an amazing creative outlet, for creating all those little scenes I wish I existed in the base game, or which I'd love for them to have in their future.

Am I crying about fictional pixel men too much? Maybe. But over a short period of time they've become so important to me, and I got to meet so many cool and inspiring people in this community after not really feeling part of or even drawn to creating for a fandom for a long time anymore. Can't wait to update this post some time in the future to see where my and their journey will lead to!

I feel like my progress is kinda slow, and I wish I had more time to dedicate to them and all my creative endeavours, cause they'd deserve it for all the joy they bring me xD But alas... Fingers crossed for more spare time and better time management in my future! Thanks for reading this far and coming to my blorbo talk 💜

#cyberpunk 2077 #kerry eurodyne x v #kerry eurodyne #vincent ezaki #otp: to bad decisions #cyberpunk vp #cyberpunk 2077 vp #virtual photography #cyberpunk kerry #cyberpunk v #cyberpunk 2077 spoilers #<- just in case for the aforementioned friends that didn't finish the game yet XD #my vp

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felinemotif · 3 months

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ik i could just ask this on discord but it’s not urgent so i didn’t wanna like. @ you or anything

i just had a couple of steph questions!! first: i swear i remember reading that steph was a vegetarian or had attempted being vegetarian at some point? but i can’t find anything about it & am starting to think i imagined it shsjjdkdjd

& then my second question: is she mentioned to like. enjoy any particular shows/movies or genre of shows/TV??

(these are for fics but like… minor, single sentence details so. def not urgent <333)

also feel free to throw any other interesting steph facts at me!! esp things you feel ppl forget / leave out 💞

ahhh you know i am always happy to talk about my girl <333 it’s after midnight for me so i am sorry that this isn’t the most eloquent answer and i am sure i am forgetting some things (i’ll add to this later/dm you if anything hits me) but to the best of my knowledge:

yes, stephanie is/was(?) a vegetarian. not sure off the top of my head if it was stated anywhere else but i dug up this screenshot from batgirls #13.

(for clarification this was when steph and cass body-swapped)

so no, you didn’t imagine it! though i can’t recall if she is still a vegetarian now, sorry.

now, your other question was much harder lol. i actually went and skimmed through all of the comics i have marked down as my favorite reads for her (+ a few non faves that i thought might have smth relevant) and most of the time when stephanie is shown watching tv or in front of a computer, all that’s ‘on’ is the news.

but! for you, livvy, i didn’t give up.

in nightwing #106, stephanie, cass and dick are all sitting down for their movie night. it’s cass’ pick that week but since steph did stay to watch, i think we can go on a limb and say that she at the very least doesn’t mind horror/sci-fi.

i know that she’s also referenced harry potter throughout her comics— usually just a throwaway line like ‘accio’ so from there we can infer that she does like fantasy/adventure as well.

(took some digging but i found an example in batgirl #18)

she’s referenced star trek as well, and at least in one conversation has been shown to know enough about game of thrones and star wars to joke about it with cass in batman: urban legends #5

i know that’s toeing the line of pulling at straws but given her more delved into interests in the action and fantasy genre i feel like it’s okay to assume that she does like those shows :) and if not who is going to tell me i’m wrong :) stephanie brown would love arya stark

all of this to say that stephanie has been shown to enjoy and understand pop-culture. a good portion of her civilian friends are alt as well, and i’d go so far as to say that given that, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume that she would enjoy independent films.

she’s a self-confessed music snob with an interest in art. i could easily see that playing into a joy for film festivals.

(didn’t include because this is already so long but after this panel — i already had it screenshot but i believe it comes from batgirls #1 — was her saying that they were looking for models and steph did consider it so i’d argue that she would enjoy fashion shows as well, though probably ones that are entirely student-run or by small designers)

(she hung that poster up on her bedroom wall next to her bed later on)

i know this isn’t covering everything, but i hope it’s enough to help!!! so excited to read your upcoming fics 🫶🏻 and as always if you have more steph questions or need a panel dug up, i am your gal

#tldr: she’s a nerd and a bit of a social butterfly with a rebellious streak a mile wide and her interests reflect as much #ladytauria #replies #stephanie brown #dc #edit; i am not personally crazy abt urban legends 5 but like… it was there so i felt it needed to be included

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generalallxsanjishipper · 2 months

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Icon made by: @kittycatasaurus

Hi! Welcome.

This is Generalallxsanjishipper's blog

(A long ass nick, I know.)

*stares at the (not many) but 100% "Yes" votes that was in the poll* (How the hell am I supposed to introduce myself? I have no idea, but okay, whatever—)

Killian here! It's not my real name, but it's my art name. I can be called Isa or Bibi as well. My real name is Barbara.

I'm from Italy and I'm a 2001 girl, She/her pronouns, bisexual, introverted, Virgo (too much of a perfectionist sometimes. Ops)

I am a Writer, a Screenwriter and an Artist. I even went to an art school, but the only thing that I learned there is anxiety. Yey.

I love reading. Like tons of books, but for whatever reason I stopped entirely reading books written in Italian and now I'm constantly binge-reading english stuff.

As a Writer, I create tons of Own Characters, yes. I have honestly so many OCs that it's hard to keep track of them between Original Works and Fanfiction. I have to admit that I never wrote as much fanfiction as I'm doing during those last years, mostly for bad experience with criticism in my first fics. But apparently I got over it after randomly starting to write little One Shots of a few different fandoms. It excalated, now.

To read my stuff, you can find me in AO3, Efp and Wattpad under Killian44peeta's nickname. Even as an Artist, you can find me with that nickname on Instagram. I DO NOT have TikTok and I DO NOT intend to have it. If I change my mind, it's gonna rain for months lol.

I have many, many fandoms.

Listing them all is impossible, but my obsessions usually stuck the most when I have a "main crush" in said fandom. If not, they are fleeting at best... And usually the same main crush is the one that I ship with most people (Not always though).

Yep. I'm a multishipper, pro LGBTQ+ and I love polyamorous relationships.

When I hate a ship, I just hate it. No matter how hard you try to change my mind. Still, I'm of the "live and let live policy" because, damn, ship wars are boring and if you dislike something, YOU BLOODY IGNORE IT.

YOU DO NOT STUPIDLY FIGHT SOMEONE AND SAY TO THEM TO K*LL THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY DO NOT SHIP YOUR PAIRING. THOSE PEOPLE YOU SHIP DO NOT EXIST. THEY ARE JUST A WRITER'S FANTASY. NO NEED TO BE SO STUPIDLY CHILDISH. JUST CALM DOWN.

*takes a deep breath*

Thanks.

A few examples of my main crushes:

Animated ones first.

Sanji, Corazon, Reiju and Vivi (One Piece), Douxie (Tales of Arcadia), Zuko (Avatar), Mika (Owari No Seraph), Levi, Jean and Yelena (Shingeki no Kyojin), Akashi and Kise(Kuroko no basket), Gwen (Total Drama), Megara (Hercules), Dark Bloom (Winx Club), Hijikata (Gintama), Hyoga, Eden, every Virgo Saint ever except Shun (Saint Seiya+), Shiro and Pidge (Voltron), Lust and Roy(Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood)

Not animated crushes (directly the person, not the role, because if not the list would be sooo much longer, ok)

Daniel Sharman, Danielle Campbell, Colin O'donoghue, Richard Armitage, Ian Somerhalder, Josh Hutcherson, Zoe Kravitz, Tom Ellis, Hayden Christensen, Bridgette Mendler

(am I forgetting someone? Probably. Sorry)

Welp. I dunno what else to say. Hope you have fun inside my blog? If you wanna be friends (chat here, on Discord, WhatsApp... ) and ask questions I'm okay with it? If you wanna talk with me about (my, yours) stories, I'm DEFINITELY okay with it.

:D I love to rant about fanfictions and original works. I love ranting about ocs and headcanon about characters. Yes.

(do not kill me if I don’t answer immediately, I have a life/I need time to draw/I need time to write)

Bye.

-Killian

#Killian'sthoughts #my blog #my post #artists on tumblr #writers on tumblr #intro post #introduction #blog #blog intro

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toomanyroleplays · 2 months

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Hey Gang

So to say the least I am ever so bored and looking to get some new roleplays up and running. First off the very most important thing to know about me is I'm 25 coming to you from the Cringy One Direction Roleplay era. So please please please be at least 18 but I would prefer 20 and up in a perfect world. I ONLY write on Discord in the third person. My minimum is two paragraphs and my max well she's all over the place typically around five paragraphs. I'm ghost and cringe-friendly. I love building playlists and interest boards for RPs and world-building and just all the OOC chit-chat you could dream of. I'm looking for romance and if all parties are comfy some spice in the plot along with everything else we could ever dream up within reason. I'm open to writing all pairing types and OCxCC or CCxCC but no OCxOC sorry! But I double! :) Fandoms and a little more about what I'm looking for in each one. Marvel/MCU/Comics: I am a die-hard Phlint shipper and I am always down to write them. I have hardcore missed this pair so damn much since Omegle left us. There are other canon ships I'm down to write as well the list is hella long and fluctuates with my mood so please ask and I'll happily supply you with that list and whom I write. I am also always down to write OCxCC for Marvel. I'm open to ABO and BDSM AU's in this fandom as well. Hobbit: I've kinda got a half assed OC/fan species idea but like fuck if I know. So like while I wanna say I would be down to write OCxCC I'm probably gonna lean towards CCxCC but you never know I might be in the mood to bust that sucker out. I'm all for Thilbo always have been. Have you read An Unexpected Addition by karategal on AO3? I've basically taken it as canon now. Anywho other ships also include Dworin, Dwori, and Boffins. WWE It's cringe I know but shit dude I love that silly wrestling. Ask me about it in the DM's if you're interested. We can work literally anything out. I love it all. Criminal Minds bring on the OCxCC or CCxCC would love to do a Marvel CCxCC crossover though I could be talked into an OCxCC cross over. Ships I kinda love em all for the sake of not making this post any longer I'll put in my top four but feel free to ask about others. Hotchgan, Demily, Morcia and Moreid Harry Potter Golden Trio I'm looking for OCxCC please don't ask me to play Voldy or like any Malfoy. Characters are 18+ so no Hogwarts sorry fam. Uh plots all I can say is buckle up I'm a little bit of a goblin. Marauders era OCxCC or CCxCC looking for alternate war endings. Rare pairs, and heavy world-building. Please do not ask me to write snape I can't go there.

Ok OK so last one and like this shit is hella specific so don't mind me I'm just being hopeful. Percy Jackson (TV series) I read book one years ago gonna start a read-through soon. I am Specifically looking for an AresxF OC of mine. I'm hoping to find someone flexible and willing to help me make sense of this cracked-out plot I've had bouncing around in my brain for weeks.

If any of this interests you please feel free to shoot me a message on Discord or interact with the post and I'll reach out.

pythonsmonty

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starz4valen · 5 months

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queers im fucking lost come save me

ok but in all seriousness,

despite labeling myself as aroace for a hot minute and finding comfort in that label and the community for a time—shit doesnt feel quite right anymore.

i have had ONE EX. one.

i genuinely think i was in love with him. i only felt what i felt with him,,,WITH HIM. nobody else. I felt the butterflies/giddiness, i loved his laugh, his smile, hearing him, his jokes, all the names he would call me, how much he said he loved me, our late night discord calls, having him around, just. him. when he rarely spoke abt shit that was bothering him it hurt me so bad, like i would hurt with him. and the mere THOUGHT of ME hurting him made me wanna sob.

as you can probably guess by the fact we’re exes, we’re not together anymore. it hurts. hell, my stomach tangled a bit as i typed that out. (could be cause recently someone who used to be a friend went and dated him and then got upset at me for getting upset at them but this ain't abt them.)

we broke up in like june last year, and i felt so fucking horrible about it bc it basically ended w him yelling at me over text at how horrible i am at listening and how i treated him more like a therapist—which i will admit i did. i sucked for that. it makes sense why tho, i was working through a lot of shit at the time, doesn’t justify it at all though. i should’ve treated him better. im desperately trying to fix it in my current relationships so that never happens again.

then again, he also treated me badly. he said things that really fucked with my sense of trust in people and just made me scared to get close with anyone like that ever again, or in general bc i was convinced everyone had some ulterior motive w me or secretly didnt give a shit abt me—but also i felt *I* was the problem. like every relationship im in is gonna end horribly bc im just that bad. its taken a lot to say that i feel loved by and trust my current friends, as well as trying to recognize that I deserve love, and im glad i can say that im getting better ^^

but,,,idk anymore

i concluded i was aroace almost a year after we broke up. there were a couple reasons. for one, i only really got that close w him. i dont really know if ive had a crush or what that feels like—in fact i think i faked one in elementary, the whole reason i got w my ex was bc he was flirting w me and it made me feel nice. (also bc i was worried he would be my only shot at love but i digress) i feel off when people talk about heading to poundtown or anything like that, the same with crushes—just crushes tho relationships i totally get—and i still struggle to wrap my head around attraction and how people just can look at someone without even knowing them at ALL and go “you. i want you.”

i wrote off how i felt when i was with him as simply some non-romantic form of attraction and called it a day.

but recently ive been reflecting on that, and i think i was wrong. the way that even now i get all these emotions by merely talking abt my ex says something. how upset seeing that "friend" going ahead and dating him after barely knowing him and just how angry i was says something. the way i cried seeing my best friend get a whole small crate of presents from their partner for their bday bc i was THAT JEALOUS says something. the way i yearn for affection and to be loved again says something. the way im starting to miss being in love again says something. the way i would always want some sort of relationship—even when i identified as aroace—but just never thought it would happen bc i didn't feel pretty enough, or mentally well enough, deserving of one, or like id ever be lucky enough to find someone who makes me feel that way again and how scared and sad that makes me,,,says something.

now in terms of poundtown—legit dunno. closest to that I've done w anyone was neck kisses from my ex, which i did really enjoy—but also i legit identified as ace like the whole time we were together and the few times he made jokes like that i felt uncomfy. plus the only way i feel i could be ok w going further w something like that is if its either excessively gentle or the most unserious thing ever. so tbh if i had to take a guess on how i feel abt that—not too keen on it.

I'm debating a couple labels, bi, aroace, bi and ace, demirose, and demirose and bi, but tbh i feel bi kinda fits the most? (maybe???) but also it doesn't. idk if its the fear of opening my mind to me being in a relationship despite my fear of intimacy and commitment or just that I'm aroace and this is my brain telling me to stop overthinking shit—but i know i wanna figure this shit out

if anyone has like legit any words of advice PLEASE send it my way. i will take even the tiniest crumb of guidance cause i am more lost than a child in ikea.

thanks to anyone who read all this <3

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #queer community #in need of advice #queer advice #aroace #aromantic #asexual #bisexual #questioning #help. me.#utterly confused 💥

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stalkersdiary · 4 months

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Sooooooooo you're single. Would you ever date a stan? You have fans from all over the internet so I gotta know! You're in music, youre on youtube, youre in local newspapers, youre a streamer, and you're an actor. You've GOTTA know how many people wanna date you. Are you looking for a fellow stalker? I SAVE ALL THE PICTURES YOU'VE POSTED ON THE ARCHIVE SINCE YOU TURNED 18! I'm in your public discord server! I follow all of your socials! I relate to you and at this point I don't know if I want to be you, or date you. XD hope this isnt too creepy lol~

Ah... I have been trying to figure out how to reply to this because you clearly did your research and I have to acknowledge that amount of effort. I'm impressed even if it's a little unexpected. I find it endearing. I think it's cute that you as well as people like you enjoy my content all over the world and that you feel so strongly about me. Especially in a positive sense. I'm happy that my content has been a safe space for you. ^^ I have no problem with dating a stalker. However... It depends on what kind of stalker we mean. I've had stalkers since I was in my very first commercial and to be honest, it scared me. (Though I was around 12 when someone tried to find out where I lived.) These days, I find it slightly annoying depending on the circumstances. Super fans/Stans/Stalker fans are the first ones to comment on how my "body language looked suspicious" in my videos/streams, or how I "look more tired than usual." I appreciate the concern but sometimes, I'm just unstable and I have a life that doesn't make a lot of sense. I love that people enjoy my content and even go so far as to talk to me in public. When I pick up my medication at Walmart or at an appointment with my endocrinologist, it's flattering, I love it. However, don't push your luck. I have at least one weapon on me at all times and I am not afraid to hurt someone if I need to get things done. If I dated a stalker, they would have to respect that I have a chaotic life. I'm constantly in the hospital, on camera, or recording lines and I need to be alone during most of those moments. They'd have to not try to make people dislike me because being an entertainer is my main source of income. If they were to be my new source of income, I'd have no problems, but that isn't very realistic. I'm about to be 23 now, and I kind of need to do what I can to make money. So- overall, I love the idea. I think it's really cute. However, it can easily go wrong and that worries me. I love my fans and followers too much to date them and make their lives harder. As for the "Do I want to date you or be you" mentality, I highly relate. I have so many styles, voices, and preferences that sometimes I don't know who I am versus what I want. I can say this though, if you want me of all people, really consider why. Do you want me to look like me and sound like me next to you, or do you want to look like me and sound like me regardless of where I am? Are you after me for the concept? Or are you interested in who I am as me? Do you want CEC? Do you want R? Both of my online personas? Would you still want me if I wasn't either version but a completely different person? Really consider what you enjoy about something before trying to claim it. Rate each thing about your interest from 1 to 10. That will help you understand how you actually feel. Or at least, it does for me. Good luck, and when I go back on tour or to a convention, I'd love to meet you. ^^ You seem nice. Thank you for opening the Stalker's Diary.

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