We're forced to do so much that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things and we're too tired from it that we rarely stop to appreciate and actually experience the scope of our existence, both who and what we are.

I will make time to live. To be me.

make a girl smile today.

give her a sword.

new hbomberguy vid moodboard

found this on pinterest CHAOTIC EVIL GANG STAND UPPP

grabs your face with both my hands. you guys understand that deconstruction of the binary means that the experience of one group does not automatically indicate the reverse experience of another group, right? like. if something happens to trans men it does not mean trans women experience the same but opposite. they are two separate groups who do not intrinsically replicate the experience of cis people. and nonbinary folks can have experiences that both and neither trans men and women have happen to them. the binary is false and so are all implications of it. tell me you understand this.

I’ve been thinking a lot about late-deafened Steve, and what that actually would have looked like. Because the thing is: I love this head cannon. Boy got bashed around so much, ESPECIALLY on his left side, theres no way he didn’t come out of that with some long term damage. And I’ve been thinking about what that means for him, when his hearing starts to go, and how isolating that would be.

Except. Then I keep thinking about Robin.

Give me child-of-Deaf-adults Robin. Robin whose parents met at Gallaudet. Who were confused and upset when the doctor said, relief clear on his face, oh thank god, how lucky, your baby is normal, she can HEAR. Robin who grows up a in a Deaf home with a Deaf family. Who learns ASL before she learns English. Who never learns to be quiet because at home it doesn’t matter, so she can blast trumpet all day long to no complaints, and forever feels uncomfortable in places where she has to try to keep it down. Robin who grows up learning ASL and English and thrives, loves the way her brain works when it’s parsing languages, and starts teaching herself French and Spanish too, blasting day time Spanish soap operas constantly whenever she’s at home, shouting along with the screen. Robin who interprets for her parents, taking on burdens no seven year old should when she’s the one who has to tell her mom the cancers back. Robin who, four years later, gets to tell her dad that the surgery worked. The cancers gone. Moms gonna be ok. Robin who, at eleven, doesn’t know the sign for remission but she signs CANCER-one hand eating at the other like the disease that almost took her Mom-and signs FINISH, signs NONE, signs MOM-OKAY, MOM-SAFE, and is glad her dad can’t hear how loud her sobs are because even she’s embarrassed at the noises she’s making. 

Robin who doesn’t quite fit at home, the loud little girl in the odd quiet house (not that her house is ever quiet: if you dont realize you’re making noise you don’t do anything to tamper it), and who doesn’t quite fit at school, when she shows up in kindergarten signing instead of speaking and all the other kids make fun of her for years, call her spazzy Buckley and imitate the signs, crude and heartbreaking and she can’t even cry here because everyone can hear her. Robin who teaches herself to speak without signing, sits on her hands and tries not to internalize the hatred, but her fingers still twitch constantly along with the words. Robin who thinks she’s never going to fit in, and tries to separate out the two different parts of herself because it’s easier, most days, to pretend to be “normal” even though that feels wrong too.

Give me Robin, who knows Steve inside out and who knows what it looks like when someone can’t hear you but pretends they can. Robin who clocks Steve immediately, even though he tries to brush her off like he’s been doing to everyone. Robin who finally takes him home to meet her parents, explaining it all in the car (into his right ear, which is better than the left though still starting to fade). Robin who gives Steve the gift of understanding and hope for the future. Who holes up with him and teaches him sign, slow at first (because Steve has never been good at grammar, and he constantly furrows his eyebrows despite her pleas that eyebrows are important in ASL and he needs to use his face more or he’s going to confuse everyone, it’s the visual equivalent of lilting your voice up like every sentence is a question and it’s weird, Steve!) and then faster as he starts to realize how useful it is, starts to bring her lists full of signs to learn, starts to lean on and cherish the experience of this new way to communicate. Robin, who helps him practice lipreading even though she’s terrible at it. Robin, who finally convinces him to get a hearing aid and lets him sob into her shoulder when the doctor says it’ll help for a few years, but long term there’s probably nothing they can do, and then tells him to buck it up because there are way worse things than being a little deaf and besides, now the Buckleys will just have to adopt him for real because they did always talk about adopting a deaf child or two, if there was ever one in need.

Give me CODA Robin, whose never felt like she belonged until she nearly gets murdered by Russians with her best friend. Who brings Steve into her life, shows him Deaf culture, gives him a place where he fits. Robin who finally realizes that this is her place too, and it’s so much sweeter for getting to share it with the people she loves.

And then, after, give me Eddie knocking on the Buckley door and begging to learn ASL too. Give me Robin’s mom, somehow roped in to teaching him and the party, as they try to learn in secret to make Steve’s life easier (and their own, because ASL is god tier for pulling pranks from opposite sides of a high school cafeteria). Give me Dustin, excitedly telling Miranda Buckley to FUCK-OFF every week for months because he thinks he’s saying THANK-YOU and she finds it too funny to correct him. Give me Eddie trying to surprise Steve and ask him out on a date, but instead of signing HUNGRY, WANT YOU&ME GO AFTER WORK? he signs HORNY, WANT YOU&ME GO FUCK?

And give me Steve, who thinks about it for a long minute (partially because Eddie totally botches the grammar, but partially because he looks so hot, standing there nervous and trying to communicate with Steve in a way that will make him the most comfortable) before he smirks and signs back YEAH, and takes Eddie on the best goddamn first date of his life. 

Not to sound insane but I cannot stop thinking about the inherent tragedy of the scene between Kerry and Marcia. How Kerry is so obviously a victim. So clearly exploited. And yet every little part of the elite world Marcia exists in, every cog of the life she lives, requires cruelty of her in order to survive in it. She is an outsider by sheer virtue of who she is, constantly on the precipice of losing power, of being the exploited. And w Logan gone she can’t even take him down w her. She must remain the widowed wife. Even a shred of kindness to Kerry would legitimize her claim to Logan and would threaten Marcia’s very existence as it stands. It could not have happened any other way. :^/

MMMMHMMG CLINGY KONIG IS JUST NGH~ HOLD SHITTT AND IMAGINE HAVING A DOG WITH HIM 😭😭 (dog's name is chevy)

(enter whole ass word vomit)

POOR KONIG GOING HOME TO YOU. imagine just a huge man falling on top of you, trying his best not to crush you but the poor lil guy is jusy too tired to even move, his gear pinching you but you dare not say anything to your tired boyfriend.

A couple minutes pass by of this and you finally get the courage to ask.

"Kön, you should take off your gear or-"

"Just a little bit more meine liebe, please?"

You let out a sigh, giggling and hug him back, your dog jumping up on you both making you grunt at the heaviness of them both.

"Okay enough both of you down!"

you let out a chuckle as chevy licks your boyfriend's mask, pulling chevy away from your boyfriend.

--

Konig who's just so tired and clingy that he HAS to hug you to fall asleep properly, poor guy wont be able to properly sleep during missions and has to pull horangi to hug so he can actually sleep.

Having to call you late at night to hear your voice so he can sleep peacefully.

GIVING HIM STUFF AND SENDING HIM YOUR HOODIES WITH PERFUME SPRAYED BECAUSE IT HELPS HIM WHEN HE SNIFFS YOUR SCENT </3

crying once again over cole's symbolism

death being tied to him, the earth ninja, makes so much sense. all that comes from the earth (students, children, mothers) someday return to it in a never-ending cycle. not even cole, a manifestation of the element of earth, is free from it

and the fact that his initial weapon is a scythe, a farming tool,

and is ANOTHER symbol of death and mourning hits me so fucking hard because this was NEVER intended in the beginning of the show but naturally evolved from it

and then transfering his weapon to a hammer, a symbol of revenge and justice, building up to master of the mountain where he truly comes into his own, avenging his mother AGHHHHHHH

and despite the fact that he is the strongest, has the most to be angry and vengeful for, cole chooses to be good and kind. just because his mom asked him to, because he knows the good he can cause:

"I will always stand up to those who are cruel and unjust."

AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON DAD COLE. ON THE SYMBOLISM BETWEEN COLE, THE EARTH, NURTURING AND GUIDING YOUNG WU, HES ARGUABLY THE BEST WITH CHILDREN, AND DOMESTIC WORK REGAURDING THEM, UGHHHH

even just between cole and his own mother; keeping her son grounded and whole, despite her passing, the fact that decisions she made as the earth elemental master had ripple effects that long outlived herself, the fact that she lived on not only through her son, but through her reputation among the mountain inhabitants and the good she did for them--

their NAMES, even! Cole -> coal -> victory, or literal charcoal black.

Lilly -> lily (flower) -> passion, rebirth, purity, abundance. literally white flowers.

she was the flower that nurtured a victorious coal.

I think Clark’s just goofy enough and grounded enough that he just goes with the craziest stuff sometimes. So when Bruce, him and a new, slightly obsequious JL member go out on a stakeout and Bruce orders Clark to be ditzy and stupid, Clark agrees without a second thought, even if the new recruit thinks Superman deserves a more distinguished disguise. Clark engages in the most batshit crazy stuff and the new member is aghast like we have statues of these people?! while Bruce is remembering all the reasons he loves his lying asshole alien who just squirted hot sauce into the eyes of the man trying to grope Brucie Wayne.

some pride thoughts

I am envious of people who knows how to live. Doesn't matter if they are rich or poor, they have traveled the world or stayed in their hometown their entire life, are famous or unknown...they just know how to live. They are content and unapologetic. The ones who are convinced with their decisions and does not require validation. The ones who have glow of genuine happiness and joy on their faces. I chase this feeling of contentment, to be happy right where I am in life. The feeling that eludes so many of us. I just wish I knew how to live.

Ghost x Reader (if you squint)

warnings?: fem!reader, sorry but brief mention of pregnancy (i swear this isnt a pregnancy au thing, just the consequences of actions...), ghost is a red flag and reader is a damn bull, word vomit

a/n: below is just a short drabble about how Ghost x Reader and they’re unhealthy relationship. his characteristics are slightly exaggerated and it's like sorta angsty? hurt no comfort, idk what to call it. sorry for not writing and uploading but imma try to balance and post more from now on :3

Ghost isn’t someone you can up and go date with. he’s a dead man with a target on his head, and as long as he’s still alive, that statement stays true.

he won’t approach you, a civilian unrelated to any of the missions he’s been assigned. so what, you approach him? he isn’t the easiest to approach either. you'd have to be persistent, to the point of annoyance, for even a chance. and even then, what after? he won’t let you close. he won’t let you within arms reach. why? because as long as he’s breathing, anyone who knows of his existence instantly has their safety jeopardized.

say you do get past his emotional barriers and that perhaps he does care about you. it’s not like he’ll say it. maybe his actions will show for it, but even then what good are actions when they’re accompanied by berating words degrading you for simple mistakes.

so you ignore all his signs, all the red glaring flags. even he'd admit he isn't and will never be close to a good partner, not even a decent partner. say you do make the first move. you touch him. you offer yourself. you whisper things in his ear that you shouldn't. and what is he supposed to do? Ghost may be a dead man but he's still a man. he takes you up on your offer.

then maybe you'll have a blissful few weeks that you were dreaming of. but when your stomach hurts, you feel sick in the morning, and, god no, the pregnancy test shows positive. what? you think he'd bother with all that protection nonsense? he's chasing after his high. you and him were nothing more than each other's stress relief. he tells you to "get rid of it" with bitterness lacing his words. will you?

you choose to get rid of it. you're lucky you did before it grew too much, too developed. because then, you risk growing attached to the little thing inside you. Ghost is reluctant to keep going with this- whatever you two had. you convince him. you'll go through this cycle until you can't anymore. he'll think about 'it' and hate it. eventually, Ghost will leave. he'll suddenly cut all ties with you and leave you emptier than you were before. you think you'll find him again if you try? wrong. he can disappear from your world in an instant, and there's nothing you can do.

oh, so you decide to keep it? that makes it easier for Ghost to decide. he leaves. it was already risky, you associating with him. so he breaks off any relation he had to you now that there will be a child that's a mixture of him and you. soon, you and that child will be but a memory buried somewhere forgettable in his mind.

no matter the choice, you and Ghost are not meant to be. don't waste your breath on a dead man.

the way that their first kill had to be passive! the way that they could barely look her in the eye when it came time to slit her throat, but stood back when he “just happened to go under”…

they will do anything to justify the hunt and make it as though the wilderness “chooses,” when their unwillingness to face their victim and take any sort of responsibility makes it all the more evil.

they aren’t reduced to their most primal state out there, they are reduced to the ugliest thing that a person can be. a carnivorous animal doesn’t hesitate or discriminate - it goes for what it can find, and it goes for the jugular. they chose carefully, and they waited.

natalie has seen shit that none of them could possibly imagine. on top of that, she spent hours in the cold every day looking far and wide for this young boy when none of the other girls would. she is the rational one when they start to go off the rails. she is the one having to go out and kill for them, and they are thankless. they owe any ounce of good fortune to the wilderness.

they may be choosing the cards at random but in that moment, she is willing to sacrifice for them after what she’s had to go through. travis is the only one who stands up for her. javi is the only one willing bring her to safety. so she accepts these acts of kindness that she is so rarely met with and runs, only to lose the young boy she spent months searching for to the people who blindly chased her down for slaughter until they realized who they were hunting down.

they let go of the moose that could’ve fed them all, denied the notion of lottie’s plea altogether, and preyed on an easy target - travis’s only remaining family out there, no less. they put themselves and particularly natalie through the very worst, time and time again.

bruh is this the cost of human survival???

what will their “devoted queen” make of this???

this isn’t anything new but gooodddd heart it so good. sam killed himself, dude. he killed this version of himself he believes he’s destined to be, and he cried for madison and for himself and for dean, too, because is this what it’ll be like? for his big brother? to have hope in someone you love, to trust they wont corrupt, won’t change, and then they’re growing claws & fangs & now u have to shoot them fucking deaaaaddd??? what!! and dean watching and crying bc he’s sam and sam’s madison and theres a familiarity in it bc he’s probably dreamed about this before. about what it’d be like to tie his brother up and put him down like john said he might have to. and his heart breaks for sam, always for fucking sam. goooddd. shut up shut up shut up

me staring at my blades every time something goes even remotely wrong