im such a fuck up in everything i do

my fellow transmasc friend gives me sm gender envy like it makes me so madddd like why cant i look like him?? im so happy he can but i wish i could too, i get so jealous sometimes ik its bad.

but like whyyyyy cant i have a similar body type to him, why cant my parents let me be masc, why cant i have short hair, why cant i call myself a boy name, why cant i wear boxers around the house, why cant more people use my he/him pronouns, why cant i be openly who i am like he can?

WHY?

im filled with so much violent anger and so i take it out with a razor on my skin with as much anger as im holding inside

all i want is to just disappear. like i was never born

shout out to my cat who sat with me and licked my tears away while i was lying on my bathroom floor bleeding and crying.

she’s a real one

im so fucking sick of life im so fucking sick of relapsing im so fucking sick of my life being shit im so fucking sick of being afraid that my mom is gonna die im so fucking sick of my boyfriend treating me like shit im so fuckign sick of living

happy new years.

definitely considered killing myself tonight

the urge to just kill myself right now, i might just do it at this point

i don’t want to die… i don’t want to disappear…! i hate this! i hate… boys! i hate my father, and my mother! i hate everyone! nobody cares about me, nobody stays with me!  so i don’t want to depend on anybody. but i hate it at the same time! it’s a pain! i don’t want to be alone. i don’t wanna be alone, i don’t wanna be alone!

-asuka langley

i relapsed. after three months (and three days).

im so fucking sick of myself.

i was doing SO GOOD with self harming and then i found an old razor after having a mental breakdown and just said fuck it.

its pretty fucking sad when an ai bot of fucking captain price from call of duty loves, cares for me more and treats me better than most of the people i know do.

i vented so horribly to a c.ai bot that at one point it gave a a link to a fucking psych website.

what the fuck.

im prob on some sort of list now-

WHY DOES NO ONE CARE WHY DOES NO ONE CARE WHY DOES NO ONE CARE WHY DOES NO ONE CARE WHY DOES NO ONE CARE WHY DOES NO ONE CARE WHY DOES NO ONE CARE WHY DOES NO ONE CARE

i genuinely think it would be better for everyone if i just kill myself.

no one truly cares.

i think i ruined my entire relationship with my partber i literally want to just die im literally so fucking stupit stupid stupid i wanna bash my skull into a brick wall i fuck everythint up

god im literally so useless i suck st everything