#sui implied
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every night i go to bed hoping i don’t wake up in the morning
#cvtaddict#cvtt!ng#988blr#sh cvt#i want to cvt#depressing shit#styr0twt#styroblr#cvt#sui ideation#sui implied
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what you don’t realize is that if i get “embarrassed,” my first thought is “kill yourself.” i’m not like.. “oh haha silly me my mistake..” NOPE.. my initial reaction is “i deserve to rot in hell.”
#tw self destruction#vent#tw self destructive behavior#tw sui ideation#tw selfhate#sh#sui implied#sui ideation
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Any way you want it, that’s the way you need it
#Yeahhh 20 bucks says House lives long enough to bury Wilson and then that’s it#house md#house md spoilers#house spoilers#gregory house#james wilson#jim wilson#hilson#sui implied#tw sui implied#tw sui ideation#Toxic AND doomed yaoi#Ain’t that fucked up#my art
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can i be freaky on this blog
#aph#geritapan#germany aph#japan aph#italy aph#tw sui implied#sui implied#tw gun#idk how to tw shit mb unc#freaky tag
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kangel and nagisa is a pair I need to see be friends 🙏 ( if you want some info on nagisa I will gladly dm you a paragraph ^_^ )
they’re friends and he teaches her to how to be an assassin or something idk i’ve never seen assassination classroom
sorry for late response i was busy looking at. Men
#assassination classroom#nagisa shiota#needy girl overdose#kangel#needy girl overload#needy streamer overdose#needy streamer overload#doodle#my art#nso kangel#omgkawaiiangel#sui implied
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#tw depression#d3pression#sorry for being depressing#self destruction#tw self destruction#kinda depressing#tw depressing stuff#tw depressing thoughts#tw self destructive behavior#bpd#this is depressing#s3lf harn#sui implied#tw sui ideation#tw sui implied#su1cide
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the urge to just kill myself right now, i might just do it at this point
#cw vent#word vomit#vent post#self mutalition#vent tag#self h@rm#tw self destruction#cvutting#tw self destructive behavior#tw s3lf harm#tw sui vent#sui implied#tw depressing thoughts
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(You wake up.)
(You. Are awake.)
(Ahah- aheh! It-It was just a dream!)
(A dream! A memory! That happened crabbing forever ago now.)
(You place your hand to your chest.)
(Its. Its fine! Hehehe! Its fine! You're alive arent you?)
(You're with youre family! With Nille! It's okay youre okay stop crying-)
(A sob escapes your throat despite you trying not to.)
(it hurts still.)
#hmmm funny bonnie loops thing i wrote in discord last night#to make up for no art !!#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#bonnie looping au#sui implied#dagger...#pastell speaks#in recipes and repetition
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sometimes I think it would be better if
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You know you're not doing well when you're looking up "least painful ways to die"
#trauma#traumacore#vent#venting#trauma vent#ventcore#mental illness vent#tw sui ideation#sui implied
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Just so everyone is very aware of why I've been reblogging so much negative shit lately (aside from that being how I am):
In Oklahoma, a non-binary teenager was murdered by a group of girls for simply existing "wrong". The media, including queer media, opted to use words like "fight" instead of what it actually was- a hate crime.
Trans women are being wrongly banned from Tumblr because Photographic Matthew sucks ass. A not insignificant number of Tumblr transfems have decided to go hard on blaming every transmasc ever for every problem a transfem could ever face when we are objectively not each other's enemies.
The USA is trying really hard to pass KOSA, a bill that will affect the entire internet and make everything worse for every minority.
The aforementioned Hell country currently looks like this:
Everyone is too busy fighting among each other and making jokes to give a fuck about the fact that there are, in fact, actual fucking problems.
If I fucking die soon, you know why.
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My friends have started to hate me, and have started telling me (seriously) out loud, and my boyfriend of three years feels the same. They are tired of me saying I'm suffering. I'm going to try to kill myself again soon I just need to take care of some things. I have finally realized all my dreams are fictional and unobtainable. I'll be posting a bit more here before I die. Bye guyz
#sui implied#self h@rm#self mutilator#styroblr#baby cvts#988blr#988twt#beansblr#made of styro#s3lf mutilation#self h4te
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Tragic Yaoi
Trigger warnings: Mentions of past suicide attempt
Satosugu angst with no happy ending
“Cause when I’m with him I am thinking of you. Thinking of you-”
A groan filled the car and the radio was turned off with a click. Why did everything have to remind Satoru of… No. Don’t think about it. It was better if he didn’t think. It was better if he just numbed his mind with the never-ending highway before him.
This wasn’t even his car, wasn’t even his clothes. He turned his head briefly to the woman beside him. She was blabbing and giggling at him, talking about something he didn’t even care about—some celebrity.
This date wasn’t worth it. This night wasn’t worth it. Nothing was worth it. All Satoru wanted to do was crumble into his bed and sob. But no… it had been two weeks. He needed to get out. The lights across the sky shined in his vision. He couldn’t tell if they were just blurry or if his eyes were watering from his worries.
The cigarette he had been smoking hung from his bottom lip. He didn’t like to smoke. But after everything that happened, he thought he’d give it a try. Just one puff, he said. But now Satoru couldn’t go a day without at least three.
He didn’t know how Shoko could even handle smoking a pack a day. It was toxic. The smoke engulfed the car and he was surprised that girl didn’t seem to care. She was in her own world, right?
He rested his hand on the top of the steering wheel and leaned back. Where was he even going? The GPS was pointing him to go … back to her place. Of course. It was a meaningless dinner with meaningless sex afterward.
“Satoru?” She asked after a moment when everything fell silent, putting her hand on his leg. His eyes snapped to hers and briefly, he saw the humanity in her eyes.
She was a girl who didn’t know about his life and he didn’t know about hers. He’d ghost her and they’d go their separate ways. It was shitty but it was how the world worked.
How could he do that to someone when it was done to him?
“Suguru! Just… Stay. Stay for me. Please… I’ll do anything to get you to sta-”
“What,” he asked blankly, putting his other hand overtop hers. For a second the girl thought he was going to be sweet, but instead, he led her hand back to her lap and put his on the steering wheel.
“Are you even listening to me? The story was just getting good!” She complained, leaning her head against the window of the passenger side of the car.
A sigh escaped his lips and he used his free hand to take the cigarette from his mouth. He was no better than someone who killed regular people, was he? Using women for their bodies and leaving them as soon as he felt like a person for even half a second. Then he’d repeat the cycle and hope for one godforsaken second he’d be okay.
But Satoru would never be okay, would he? This would continue and continue until he’d have the balls to end it all like he was going to that night.
“I was listening,” he muttered, pressing the cigarette into his open mouth and inhaling the sludge-tasting smoke. It was like pure oil going back into his throat and coating his insides in tar.
“Really? Then what did I say? See! My friend was right. You’re just an ass. You didn’t even pay for the meal, we had to split it. What kind of guy makes a girl pay on a first date?” The woman began, reprimanding him as if he wasn’t the one driving her fancy car because she insisted it would be romantic.
As if he wasn’t Satoru Gojo… the strongest.
Satoru Gojo… The strongest, who couldn’t even get over the fact the love of his life had walked away just like that. And he let him.
He sat there in silence as she kept digging deeper. Hitting every nail in every spot until his coffin was sealed and buried five feet under. Then she kept going. Deeper and deeper. Going at his appearance, his height, his face, the way he wasn’t even interested. She knew what she was getting into and yet she still chose this date. And still chose to yell at him.
“God will you-” Satoru began, swerving the car into the farmost right lane and stopping on the side of the highway. The woman gasped and grabbed onto the side of her car, calling him crazy and insane as he did so, “-Shut up!? You’re fucking… useless!” He yelled, slamming his left hand into the horn. It blared a few times as he continued to hit it.
The strongest can’t get over his best friend.
“You won’t shut up! You won’t fucking shut up! What the hell do you want? A gold fucking star for annoying the hell out of me!?”
She stared at him with hollowed eyes as he kept going. All of his anger, about everything, just came out.
“I hate you! Why the fuck do you shit at me when all I’ve done is be nice to you!? I’m sorry! Okay!? I’m sorry that I don't care about your shitty life because… because… I hate you! Just, leave me alone! I’m sick and I’m tired. I haven’t eaten. I haven’t slept,” his blue eyes bore into her soul as he screamed, “in three fucking weeks! I see him everywhere I fucking turn! You think this is easy? Being the strongest? You think this is easy? Being the one who has to deal with all this shit!? You think… you think it’s easy being the one who has to watch as everyone around me dies and I’m left sitting next to some slut who doesn’t wanna pay for fucking dinner!?”
For a moment, instead of that woman, he was transported. It was a busy street and he could see his best friend's face. It was devoid of color and emotion. He was so close yet so far. One move and he would shatter the beautiful glass sculpture in front of him and there would be nothing left. Nothing left of the remnants of his happiness. He was completely and utterly alone.
The strongest was alone.
“Why… why did he have to leave… what did I do? What the-” he hit the horn again, ‘-fuck did I do to deserve this shit!? What the fuck did I do to have to watch him leave!? Every day, I see him in my room and I reach out, and he fucking leaves…” Satoru’s voice cracked.
The world around him was getting blurry. Was it from the fact his cigarette was blaring smoke in his eyes or the fact he was crying? Was it from the fact that the lights along the highway were bright or the fact he was sobbing?
“Satoru…” The girl whispered, shattering his vision of Suguru and bringing him back to reality. This wasn’t about her, was it? It was never about her. And she knew it. His anger, his screaming, and his crying.
The mourning of a relationship wouldn’t ever be an easy one and she could tell. Even being a dick herself she had basic empathy. A hand rested on his shoulder, trailing to his back to rub a small circle on it.
“It’s okay. I’m sorry…” She cooed as he gasped, resting his head down against the steering wheel.
“I… I want to die. Why the fuck can’t he come back?” He cried. Satoru’s circular sunglasses broke from his face and fell into his lap. His body shook as another loud sob escaped him.
Mourning a relationship hurt as much as it did to be sad. In the cavern known as his chest, he felt a pounding and squeezing feeling. It was sadness. He was dying from a broken heart. He gasped and coughed, choking out another strangled cry. The tears stung against his under eyes and he truly thought this was the end.
It hurt more than that day. Because that day was replaying, over, and over, and over, and over again in his head. He could see Suguru walking. He could see how hurt he was to leave and he saw himself do nothing.
Why didn’t he do anything!? Why didn’t he move!? Why couldn’t he move!? Why the hell didn’t he move!?
There isn’t a happy ending to this. Not in this lifetime. In this universe, Satoru Gojo was destined to watch his life fall apart every time he closed his eyes.
#angst#mentions of attempts#tw sui implied#sui implied#gojo angst#jujutsu gojo#jjk gojo#gojo saturo#gojo satoru#heavy angst#jjk fanfic#fanfic#fanfic angst#hurt no comfort#jjk satoru#satosugu#tragic yaoi#yaoi#mlm#fanfic heavy angst#garfunklefield writing
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Suic!de been heavy on my mind and I’ve only just got out of bed
#scizophrenia#self£harm#bpd vent#s3lf mutilation#self h@rm#cvutting#self mutalition#tw self destruction#bpd thoughts#cvtaddict#sui implied#tw sui ideation
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I never asked to be born so why do I have to deal with all the bullshit that comes along with it? What’s the point? Why bother with life, everyone will die eventually so why not just die now so I can at least not have to deal with all the problems and pain of the future. My grades, my mental health, my friendships, my relationship, everything just seems to be going downhill and I don’t know what to do. I just want to escape from everything, I want to run away and avoid all my problems. Life is such a burden.
#suicudal#tw sui ideation#sui ideation#sui implied#tw sui implied#tw depressing thoughts#tw depressive#tw depression#deppresion#depressiv#tw depressing stuff#sorry for being depressing#depressing shit#self destruction#sewer slide#sewercide#sewerslidal#tw sewerslide
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To commit to the ending
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