#why? it’s not fair. it shouldn’t cause pain. I’m not ashamed or scared. people who love me shouldn’t be either. why is it wrong to openly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pure-kirarin · 3 years

Text

Slow & Steady [P6] [Sabo x f!reader] (+18)

A/N : Hello ! I wanted to start by thanking you guys for the AMAZING responses on chapter 5. This makes me want to continue investing in this story !! I read all of your messages and I cherish them, they make me want to continue. I'd also like to thank my beta reader for her hard work. I hope that you will enjoy this chapter as much as the others.

Please always tell me your opinion as it’s my kryptonite ! Also feel free to ask to get tagged.

Synopsis : Isn’t love a matter of timing after all ? That’s what Sabo has always thought. It was about finding the right tempo, making the right moves and hitting the right spot. Patience is a virtue after all, and he had a lot of it. It all started when your ex cheated on you. You were heartbroken, you needed someone and he was there. Was he always that hot ? You didn’t know. But after that night you have never seen him in the same way. Chapter Warning : Smoking (cigarettes) - mention of ex relationships AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/31877203/chapters/81748033

P I - P2 - P3 - P4 - P5 - P6

I made a playlist for this chapter but I suggest you listen to it after ! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3posJHlUg1XFJzQbPkjF0J

------

The crimson-haired man ceased to look at you, as if it hurt to do so. Your lack of response discouraged him. How could it be otherwise? You had created a narrative where he was a cheater, believed in it, ended the relationship - all of this without him knowing; without him even doubting it. It was ironic enough that he who saw so clearly in the future, he who knew how to read people’s moves so easily was totally blind when it came to love. Or maybe had he tried to blind himself? To overlook the fact that you weren’t answering your phone anymore? To find excuses upon excuses for you? He had always been that type of person after all. As a big brother, as a “responsible” person, it was second nature to him to bottle up his feelings and to never lose composure. And even in this moment, he couldn’t tell you how much your actions hurt him.

But for once, he accepted the fact that he saw a future that you weren’t a part of. Deep down, he knew that by overlooking the signs and hints, he has also played a role in the downfall of your relationship.

He saw it too clearly: you weren’t his anymore. Just like when you excluded him from the decision making, choosing to put an end to your relationship on your own - you didn’t even have the courage to tell him that yourself. He had to do the same: fill in the gaps and read between the lines. He remained silent for a moment. He got up from his seat when he gave up on you saying anything.

He moved towards the door, ready to leave all your shared memories behind his back.

People don’t always get the closure they need in order to move on, he knew that too well.

“Katakuri,” you called for his name weakly. He didn’t know if it was his imagination or if you had really pronounced his name. He turned his head towards you, unimpressed.

Your heart was pounding hard in your chest. You knew that if you let him go now you would regret it forever. You knew that you had to tell him about everything. He deserved it, after all. It was hard to be the bad guy of the story. But you had been a bitch and you had to face the consequences of your behavior. Wasn’t that what being an adult meant?

“There is something else that I think you need to know,” He seemed interested now. He was listening to you without turning your way.

“I apologize for everything that I have done and I know that you will probably not forgive me and honestly, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't either.” You took a deep breath before going on. “What I am going to say might be hard to hear, but I feel like you need to know it.”

You don’t know exactly how the rest followed, nor how you found the courage to tell him about everything. You didn’t get to any details, it would have been too cruel, but you told him what he needed to know.

“I am really sorry, but I think that it’s best for us to split up. My feelings have changed, I have caused enough damage as it is. I think that it’s better for both of us. I am really sorry I hurt you.”

You looked down and from this angle you couldn’t see his smile. It was bitter, the smile of someone that had seen all of this coming. And yet, he was relieved that you confided in him. It was the closure he needed after all. At least now, he could move on.

* * *

The cigarette trembled between your index and middle finger. Your head was clouded. It took too much effort to try and empty your head, to try not to think of what was going to happen. You had lost so much already and what you were going to lose was beyond repair. With every breath you took, you felt your stomach contract and your legs get weaker. It was one of those days when you wished you hadn't woken up. Despite all of this, a feeling of peace submerged you. Peace? Maybe because you had been honest to your ex, maybe because you were trying to be honest to yourself. What got you into this situation was your indecision after all. You didn’t want to hide anymore.

If you can’t see it, then it doesn’t exist. This mentality of yours had to change and you were going to change it tonight. It was the best opportunity, it had to happen, you had to grow. Maybe to some extent, your “romantic” failures weren’t all to blame on others, maybe you also played a role, maybe you weren’t ready yet. Didn’t Sabo say the same thing?

“I thought that you stopped a long time ago.”

A firm voice broke your trance. His hand snitched the cigarette from your lips before putting it out with the sole of his shoe.

“Hey!” You whined in protest, features softening when you were met with his dark eyes.

“I did quit. But I was stressed,” you tried to justify yourself. “I needed it.” You mumbled.

“Bullshit. You always have the choice.” He shrugged and took place next to you on the sidewalk.

Choices, decisions, you were already done with all of this. An awkward silence swallowed the atmosphere, but it seemed as if it was only awkward for you.

Now that you had nothing to do with your fingers and mouth, you started scratching at your wrist slightly - a nervous tic.

The ambience of the park offered you, however, a feeling of safety. The darkness hid your embarrassment. He was now sitting next to you and it was as if words deserted your mind. He didn’t want to pressure you, he didn’t say anything. Under the moonlight, his blond hair took on a silvery shade. He kept looking in front of him, hands in his pockets. Silence didn’t bother him, he knew that something was wrong, otherwise you wouldn’t have texted him to come to the park at around midnight.

Truth is, you couldn’t calm down, you felt like you had to come clear about this whole situation, you felt like you had to make a decision. You felt that if you let today pass, then you would find one hundred excuses and hide again.

It was now or never.

“Sabo,” you started.

“Y/N,” he mirrored your answer.

“I’m going to tell you something... But please don’t judge me, alright?”

“Have I ever judged you?” He arched an eyebrow, his eyes meeting yours, making you switch your gaze almost instantly.

“Well... You have... Like that time I used the microwave at your place…”

“Y/N, you microwaved a fork…” You fake pouted as you playfully punched his arm.

“Well, the fork was in the bowl and Ace was there and he didn’t say anything! Not my fault.”

“And you trusted Ace?” he smiled and held your wrist to stop you. “He’s a living disaster. You guys can’t do anything without me, huh?”

“Yeah, yeah. What would I do without my Mr. know-it-all of a best friend?” you laughed it off.

Best friend. That word reminded you of the reason why you contacted him so late. You coughed two times, trying to switch his attention to you. Laughing things off helped ease the atmosphere. You twirled a hair strand around your finger then started as if you were going to give a speech.

“Hey, I’m gonna try to... be decisive…”

“That’s some character development.”

“Sabo!”

“Sorry, couldn’t help myself,” he said with a sweet smile. You sighed and started bouncing your leg nervously.

“So If I called you tonight it’s not to have the pleasure of your company… and it’s not to rip you off your precious hours of sleep... It’s also not to... ”

Noticing that you were starting to diverge from the topic, he held your hand in his softly and gave you an encouraging look. Honestly speaking, he didn’t have much patience around others but he had loads of it with you.

“I called you for something else. And don’t you dare hang up on me next time! I want to have a serious conversation about…everything, about us, and most importantly about…” you sighed before continuing “About my ex situation.”

He took his hand off yours now that you seemed calmer. He was surprised by your willingness to talk about such matters. It was a pleasant surprise to him, it meant that you wanted to take things in hand, that you were growing.

“I’m listening to you.”

“I thought that it was only fair for you to know as well... that I fucked up pretty badly. I assumed that my ex cheated on me and as it turns out, he didn’t. I just learned it this evening so I feel very confused and bad. It’s a long story. It was just me, assuming things because I was scared and because I feared confrontation. Then everything happened so fast between you and me... I shouldn’t have... I feel very ashamed. For him, for you, for acting so immature.”

Your voice cracked and you couldn’t hold your tears any more. You looked down and started wiping your tears with both hands on your face. You didn’t want to cry in front of him because you had caused him pain as well. Sometimes not taking action is also an action and it has consequences.

You didn’t dare look at him, did he look disappointed? Did he stop loving you? After all, you didn’t even know the reason behind his love. Maybe he was “playing games” too as that anon suggested on Reddit. No, you couldn’t afford to assume things again now. You had to be honest, raw, vulnerable. You couldn’t see his reaction through your tears, but you felt his hand on the top of your head, gently bringing you towards him, resting your head on his shoulder.

“Wow, this really sucks.” You were surprised by his reaction, but the fact that it wasn’t one of disappointment as well as his easy-going demeanour released your stress. You started sobbing, shoulders shaking. He didn’t know how to react at first, but one thing he knew for sure: you came first, and he hated to see you cry.

“Shh... Here, here... It’s okay to cry... Let it all out...” He then continued “It’s going to turn out just fine. You can count on me, okay?”

“I was a really bad person. I should’ve acted differently. I should’ve at least told you... or Nami or someone... but I just... assumed things... I was so scared that you’d stop... that you’d stop being my... friend... And stop loving me…”

His grip tightened around your shoulder as he pressed you a bit closer to him. He offered you a warm smile as he spoke in the same light note.

“Well, whatever happened, happened. I don’t think that you are a bad person. You’re human and you made a mistake that you’re now aware of. I know that you had no ill intentions. At least you learned something, hm? And about me... Aren’t you underestimating me a bit?” He smiled in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Did you forget that I’m Luffy and Ace’s brother? I’m tough, you know.”

You were overwhelmed by his kindness, and this just made you realize that it wasn’t only about your feelings, you couldn’t count on everyone else to put up with you and clear up your mess.

“Sabo, you’re so kind.” Despite your mascara running under your eyes and you looking like a total mess, he found you incredibly beautiful. He felt proud, he knew how hard it was for you to go through all of this. He felt like it was worth it that he had loved you for this long, you were honest and strong, even if you weren’t aware of that strength, you had proven it in this moment.

“I’m not being kind.” He meant it; after all, his intentions weren’t all that innocent towards you, he had wanted you from the start. “I’m just being truthful, as your best friend.”

Maybe he wanted more, but he was content being your friend as well. Since for him everything needed time, he had no right to rush you.

Love is a matter of timing after all. Too fast and all of his subtle efforts would go to waste.

“About that... I mean... The “best friends” part...” He could easily see your chest heaving with your breath. Your heartbeat raising little by little until it was unbearable, your lower lip slightly trembling as you dreaded the weight of the words you were going to pronounce. He looked at you with genuine interest and curiosity; he laid off a bit, turning your way.

“I don’t think that we could act this way anymore...” You dug your nails into the palm of your hand nervously.

“I... told Katakuri about everything. I told him that I couldn’t be with him anymore because of how things have changed. I can’t be here and pretend that nothing happened when so much did…”

“Nothing has changed for me.” He said in a stable voice, trying to anticipate your reaction. Despite being sure of himself, of every step he had taken till now, he felt a hint of uncertainty, for this was a variable that he hadn’t taken into consideration.

“But everything changed for me, and I can’t ignore it. I can’t continue to play pretend... Of course it was convenient for me... And I didn’t wanna lose... Whatever it is that we have. But I didn’t realize that it had already changed. I can’t be your friend anymore, Sabo. Not like this. Not with these thoughts in mind. Not after…” Y our eyes flicked from his lips to his eyes and back. “After... everything we did.”

You didn’t give more reasons, but your eyes gave one hundred more.

We can’t be friends because I touched myself to the thought of you. Because I can’t help but think about being with you. Because I don’t stand the thought of you being with someone else. Because I love the way your arms fit around me. Because I love everything about you, from the way you say my name to these stupid blond eyelashes that reflect the light everytime you blink. And most importantly... because I love your way of loving me unconditionally.

As much as I want you...

As much as you want me back...

I can’t be with you, not now, because it would hurt me and hurt you even more, because I have to make a decision, because I can’t draw the line between love and lust and because I am afraid to wrong you in the way I was wronged.

But just for a moment, just for this time, you wanted to kiss him just one last time. You wanted to get intoxicated by that mint smell that you have grown addicted to. He looked at you as he drank your words, eyes reflecting the darkness of the sky. His piercing gaze seemed to understand your dilemma. Suddenly, the emptiness of the park felt too weighty and the air too heavy.

“Say something,” you pleaded, almost begging him to break the silence.

To words, he preferred actions. Before you even realized, he captured your lips into the kiss you were longing for. His hand was fast to encircle your back, pressing your upper body against his. Your fingers instinctively reached for the fabric of his shirt, tugging on it as to pull him closer. For him to kiss you so passionately, it only made you realize his burning desire for you. The more you kissed in an attempt to ease your craving, the hungrier you got for his lips, for his stupid minty taste. But it wasn’t nearly enough for you, the growing warmth and tingles created a desire that you were unable to appease yet. You pressed your legs together when his free hand gently rubbed your thigh. He kissed you deeply, almost willing you into giving up on your decision to give in to his embrace. He was indeed that good of a kisser, making you want to shift into his lap and have him inside of you. You whined at this thought growing more eager, tongue chasing his, teeth nibbling on his lips. But you eventually had to break the kiss, even when you prayed for the seconds to last for hours, it was bound to end. You took a moment to collect your breath again. His eyes were demanding, pupils dilated and greedy, yours were more modest, shifty.

“Looked like you were dying for it.”

He broke the silence, finger tracing your neck before lifting up your chin, making you lose composure as you looked into his deep gaze. It was too late to deny it, you were indeed dying for it. But instead of satiating you, that kiss felt like the promise of something forbidden. You only groaned meekly as an answer, feeling too weak to actively protest. You indulged in his embrace, resting your head in the crease of his neck. You breathed in his scent, even his hair smelled fresh like mint. As you took in a bigger gulp of air, you could inhale the subtleties of a thyme or violet underlying smell. What shampoo did he use? Another diverging thought that you discarded.

You closed your eyes. “Can we stay like this for a little longer?” you asked, and who was he to deny you so little? He revelled in your desperate need for his touch. He felt needed, wanted, but he knew that he shouldn’t get carried away, he knew that it wasn’t the right timing yet. So he just let you sink into his warmth. For now.

You peeled yourself off of him reluctantly. Your eyes avoided his. Nice progress ,he thought, but there was still need for improvement.

“I can’t be selfish, not anymore. I have to make a decision. I am sorry I can’t make up my mind yet.” Your voice cut through the silence, firm, yet not devoid of sensitivity.

You needed time, it was clear, but he was nothing if not patient with you. He was ready to settle for your friendship for now while he worked for your love, but he liked your idea more. He wasn’t one to push his emotions onto you, he was there to lead the dance, to toss a bottle into the sea. If good news came then good for him, if nothing came out then he had gambled and lost. But he wasn’t as detached and passive as things might have seemed, as he took multiple variables into consideration to place his best bet.

“Take all the time you need.” Not an ounce of annoyance was to be detected in his voice. It was steady, a rock that couldn’t be moved. He had what it took, he knew what he wanted and he was ready to wait for it because he had the deep belief that you were worth the wait.

“Why are you so patient? Don’t you think you’re too confident? Aren’t you scared? ” It was genuine curiosity, but you bit your tongue realizing that your words might’ve seemed cocky or doubting. His lips stretched into a roguish smile, making him devastatingly handsome. And here he was, a Sabo that you had encountered a few times between two eyelash beats. It was so destabilizing, the way he morphed into a totally different person from one second to another, giving you a strange feeling. It was something that you couldn’t fully place yet. He kept escaping from your grip while being totally still. He was like sand between your fingers and you were fascinated by the prospect of catching him.

“I thought that it was obvious, doll.” Here he goes again, calling you sweet names and raising the rhythm of your heartbeats. How did he make everything sound good? You would’ve scoffed at anyone else calling you ‘doll’, but that voice of his made it sound oh so appealing. Or maybe it was the seed of desire that he had planted in your core, that was now growing and blossoming, vines intertwining with your lungs.

He got closer again, black eyes scrutinizing yours.

“You can have all the time you need. What I want is simple, non-negotiable, immutable.”

At first he was startled; your ex appearing out of nowhere seemed like an inconvenience, but after giving it some thought, he realized that he was in luck. He didn’t have to make you choose, the choice was there for you to make.

“And what is it that you want?”

“You. But all of you.” He looked you up and down as he said this then got up. He wasn’t the type to settle for less. He wanted no compromises, no half-open doors, no half assed answers. If he wanted something then it was all of it, out of respect for you and for himself. Another reason was probably that he knew: the longer the chase, the bigger the prize.

He got up since he considered that the conversation was over now and it was also getting late. You looked at him, eyes wide open, cheeks aflame. His voice trailed off, cutting through the silence.

“No rush, I think that it’s better for you to focus on your exams for now. Will you manage without my help?” Another charming smile, shifting back to that playful Sabo you have always known. The mood felt less serious now.

“I think I’ll do just fine this time…” you smiled gently, following his lead.

“Good, then. Good night.” He put his hand on your head, softly ruffling your hair before turning back. He seemed a bit more distant now, like he was plunged into some deep reverie. You instinctively got up, looking intensely at his back slowly fading into the darkness. Before his silhouette got completely enveloped, you shouted.

“Sabo!”

He turned back instantly and you threw something in the air towards him. He was quick to catch it.

“I don’t think I need these anymore. Take them!”

He opened his hands, looking at the packet of menthol cigarettes and a blue lighter. He put it into his back pocket prior to giving you a proud smile. He then continued his way back home, leaving you behind. You felt both relieved because things had gotten a bit clearer, yet apprehensive since your feelings were still very much unclear. But maybe what you felt above all was exhaustion. You looked for a moment at your empty hands. Did you make the right choice? Whether it was good or bad, you couldn’t care less. At least you had acted true to yourself.

tag list : @chloenanami @mwls-garden @soanywaysistartedsimping @portgaslari @lofi-coffee @donvampiro @fishandfuck @vemuabhi @gabrielasalazar18 @kiriechanx

#slow and steady #sabo x reader #sabo the revolutionary #one piece x reader #one piece sabo #sabo #one piece imagines #one piece scenario #one piece fanfiction #sabo x you #sabo imagines #revolutionary sabo #charlotte katakuri #katakuri x reader

137 notes · View notes

monst · 4 years

Note

Uhh can i request for iida, momo, todoroki and bakugou (sorry if its too much you can just pick two) comforting their angry s/o after their so called "friend" betrays them/uses them etc... love your writing 💜

^.^ In order:

Tenya, YaoMomo, Todoroki and Bakugou x reader

Warings: None

Tenya Iida -

Tenya thought you were going to wear a hole into the floor with your furious pacing. You had barged into his office and had begun ranting. Your eyebrows were furrowed and your face was scrunched up in anger. “I still can’t fucking believe it!” you hissed. “The fucking nerve she has! After I spent so much time and effort on that campaign! She didn’t do shit! I was the one who worked my ass of for weeks and she just swoops in and takes all the fucking credit!”

After letting you vent Iida finally stood up. He sighed and stopped your pacing by grabbing onto your hands. You stared into his warm eyes and felt frustrated tears escape your lids.

“I-It’s just that, I didn’t...Why would she just u-use me like that?” You hiccuped.

“Shh it’s okay.” He drawled resting his forehead against yours. “This campaign why’d you do it?”

“F-for the children of c-course.” You sniffled.

“Then think of them. It sucks that she did something like that but at the end of the day the money raised is going to the neglected villain children fund.” He rationalized.

“I-I know that.” You sighed. “A-and I guess you're right. The money raised was for a good cause and.. It shouldn’t matter that she took all the credit.”

You felt much better after thinking of the ordeal with that in mind. “Tenya what would I do without you?” You sighed.

“Wear a hole through the floor?” You snorted at his answer. “Also.. You are aware that the check has our names on it right?”

Yaoyorozu Momo -

Your sobbed tugged at Yaoyorozu’s heart. You had finally calmed down after throwing a tantrum. You had tossed furniture across the room and tore apart every gift your so called friend had ever gifted you. But after you wore out your anger you were left sobbing in Yaoyorozu’s arms.

“H-he said that he’d never use my past against me.” You wailed hurt and anger lacing your wavering tone. “I-I trusted him b-but all he wanted to do was be fucking famous!”

“Oh (Name) I’m so sorry.” She frowned tearing up at the frazzled state you were in.

“I-I thought that telling him might inspire him to be better but he j-just used my story. Sold it to the fucking press for some quick cash!” You hissed.

“H-Hey, hey.” She called out swiping her thumbs under your eyes to brush away your fallen tears. “Are you ashamed of who you are?”

“N-no.” You muttered burying your face into her chest. Her fingers quickly went to your head gently stroking your hair.

“Your past made you who you are now.” She smiled. “And I couldn’t be any more prouder of who you are. You are amazing (Name) and when it airs everyone will know how strong you are. Ad there going to be so jealous of me for managing to snag your heart.” She hummed.

“Momo” You mumbled into her chest.

“Hmm?”

“I really love you.” You smiled.

“I love you too.” She paused. “You know. If you really don’t want it aired I could always make a call.”

“Seriously?” You asked looking at her in shock only to remember how influential she is. “Y-you’d do that for me?”

“That and more.” She smiled “Besides that asshole made you cry it’s only fair he doesn't get away with it.”

You snorted. Wrapping your arms around her tighter. YaoMomo cursing was always amusing to you and you knew she knew that...

Todoroki Shoto -

The beeping of the machine only served to tick you off even more. You had scared off three nurses already and Todoroki didn’t know what to do. When he had gotten the call that you were at the hospital his heart dropped to his feet. He raced to the hospital and expected the worst. Thankfully you weren’t injured bady. You had received stitches on your arm but the pain and meds didn’t quell your rage.

“I feel so fucking stupid!” You hissed gripping the t.v remote tightly.

“You shouldn’t. How were we supposed to know.” He tried to reason.

“I Should have known! He was my supposed childhood friend!” You snapped.

Todoroki really didn’t know how to call you down. After all you were also watching the broadcast on t.v. The moment in which your childhood friend stabbed your arm was censored but his words clear as day. ‘Without you I wouldn't have been able to steal this’. Todoroki felt sick. The image of the knife cutting into your skin would definitely haunt him. It didn’t help that he felt guilty as he was the one who told you to go ahead and team up with him for patrol.

“If there is anyone to blame it’s me.” He sighed.

“What?!” You shouted. “Hell no Shoto!! If it wasn’t for you telling me to go it would have been another unsuspecting hero sitting here or worse lying in the morgue!”

“I’m sorry.” He apologized. Your anger was quickly forgotten as you tried to comfort him.

“I'm telling you. It wasn’t your fault. I should have seen it coming. He was acting shifty the whole time but I kept playing it off saying that he was probably nervous since we haven't hung out in ages.” You sighed. “Maybe if I would have been there for him more. We just drifted apart and I never took the initiative to see if he was doing okay.”

“That’s not your fault (Name). People have freewill and he chose this. I- I’m just glad your okay.”

You both stood in silence for a while and a grateful smile crossed your face when Todoroki had spoken again.

“When your arm gets better, let’s own up to our mistakes and catch him okay?”

“Right. If this is what he chose then we only have one thing left to do.” You sniffled. “Our job.”

Bakugou Katsuki -

At this point you didn’t know who was more pissed you or Bakugou. Your so called friend had used you to get access to Bakugou’s agency. She said that if she didn’t get an interview and a tour that she would be fired from her job. She begged you to ask Bakugou and you felt bad for her and managed to convince him. The interview questions were half assed and you began to wonder if that was the reason she was about to be let go.

As she continued the interview with your lover you called the firm she worked at to ask if she needed any pictures since you had realized she was terrible at her journalism job. What they told you next surprised you. Apparently she had been fired three weeks ago. You wanted to help her save face and figured that you should bring it up the next time you met. ‘Maybe she’s trying to do this so that they can take her back?’

Sadly that wasn’t the case. As soon as she had left Bakugou had told you that one of his gauntlets went missing. You knew your friends quirk and were out of the door in a flash. After you had dealt with her you came back with a couple of scratches and Bakugou’s grenade launcher.

“The audacity of that bitch!” You huffed.

“Get a look at this.” He hissed pointing to his computer screen. “She’s been going to other agency’s and stealing hero props to sell.”

“Looks like she managed to snag Eijirou’s face guard at one point.” you rolled your eyes.

“Did ya call the cops.” He asked.

“Tch no.” You scoffed.

“And why not?” He sassed.

“I beat the shit outta her.” you responded.

“Oh… You still pissed?” He asked.

“Very?” You said grinding your teeth. “She just used me to steal from my man.”

“Wanna go blow off some steam.” He offered.

“The ring around the block?”

“Yup.”

#bnha scenarios #tenya iida #tenya x reader #tenya iida x reader #yaoyorozu momo #yaoyorozu x reader #yaoyorozu momo x reader #shoto todoroki #todoroki x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou katsuki #bnha insert #bnha fluff

709 notes · View notes

britishboystm · 4 years

Text

It’s Always Been You (Tom Blake Smut)

warnings: angst, smut, death

word count: 4,723

a/n: I can’t believe this is the first time I’ve written for Tom

•••

Tom had always been a good friend. His family did cherries and yours did apples.

Before the two of you were born, your fathers went into business together and shared a booth at the Saturday market in your town. Both your mothers were thick as thieves and had gotten pregnant around the same time, and you were born a month after Tom. It was safe to say you were never going to leave each other’s sides.

You did everything together, well until your father became worried that you were becoming too much like a boy by spending so much time with Tom. You’d fondly remember the times the two of you would go down to the river and stand in the water up to your knees trying to see who could catch the most tadpoles. The two of you would usually come back to yours or his farm around dinner time covered in mud and dirt up your waist. Your mother always complained that she couldn’t see your pretty face due to the muck that was often smeared on it. Because of all this you ended up being sent to a private girls school a few miles south, where you weren’t allowed to see Tom unless it was Christmas.

You secretly wrote to one another though during your time at boarding school and when his father passed away from pneumonia you were his only real support system other than his brother. His mother went into a bad depression after his father's death so he was left to grieve his father's passing alone.

Once your learning was finished, you did not hesitate to come home and help on Tom’s farm again. Tom’s mother would pay you to pick cherries since your father had sold his orchard.

But things had changed when you came home. Tom was no longer the little chubby boy who you could mess around with and make mud pies and pretend to eat with. His hair had darkened and his shoulders had broadened. Not to mention he now towered you. He was a man. And a handsome man at that. You never noticed that about him before.

The glances you shared now didn’t hold the same innocence it once did. There was something different in his chilly blue irises. His gaze would last a little too long when you would bend over to pick up the barrels of cherries and whenever the two of you rinsed them by the big well, he always found a way to sneak a small graze of your hand so you wouldn’t forget he was there beside you.

But those flirtatious moments didn’t last forever when war was declared in Britain. Almost immediately, Joe was sent off to fight for king and country. Tom didn’t need to but because Tom had to always be the same as Joe or one up him, he had kept saying he was going to enlist as well. You didn’t take it seriously until one day Tom came running down the driveway to meet you and his mom, who were depitting the last batch of the season.

“I did it, I did it!” You frowned in confusion at his obvious excitement as he hopped around with a letter in hand. His mother grabbed the letter from him quite quickly and nearly fainted after reading the first two lines. The two of you quickly grabbed her and called it a night, bringing her into the house.

His mother was in shambles and was now seated on the couch while she sobbed into her hands. She didn’t even have the desire to cook dinner. That’s when you knew things were bad.

“What did you do?” You say to Tom as he sorrowfully watched his mom cry.

“I enlisted, I’m leaving next week to fight in France.” It was now your turn to almost faint as you grab the kitchen table beside you.

“Have you gone mad?” You breathe out as you take a seat to steady yourself.

“No I haven’t. If Joe can do it so can I!” His voice raised in anger as he crossed his arms over his chest, obviously upset at the double standards that were set for him and his older brother.

“That is not what this is about Tom. Joe is gone, there is nothing we can do about that. But you? It was so easily avoidable but you’ve gone and ruined everything. How selfish can you be? Who will your mother have if both you and Joe don’t return home? Who will I have?” You begin to choke up near the end and let a single tear slip down your cheek.

Tom sighs and storms out of the kitchen, probably heading upstairs to freshen up while you prepare the dinner since Mrs. Blake clearly wasn’t well enough to.

You focused on making dinner as Mrs. Blake and Tom sat in the living room, not speaking to one another. What was there to say? Tom knew yours and his mother’s thoughts on it all and he was too stubborn to be convinced to not leave.

Once dinner was ready everyone sat at the table and ate quietly. Again no words were spoken and the tension was so thick amongst the three of you. None of you were able to finish due to the unsettling feeling you all shared so you finally gave up and collected the half eaten dishes and placed them into the sink.

“I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” Mrs Blake said as she slowly got up and weakly walked up the stairs to her room. She looked so frail and worn out that it made you even more mad at Tom for the pain he was already causing.

You stood at the sink and faced away from Tom as he stayed put at the table. The only sounds that filled the room was the clashing of dirty plates and running water.

This was all such a mess.

———-

Later that night you found yourself sitting on the haystack in the Blake barn with the doors wide open as you stared out at the navy night sky. Stars adorned the sky. They continued to shimmer, unaware of the fact that your world was falling apart at the seams. Funny how time and space works, you thought. So many other thoughts rattled around your brain, all of them making you want to cry.

You were so deeply focused on your little world that you didn’t initially hear Tom walk in.

“Couldn’t sleep either huh?” He said before walking up and taking a seat beside you on the hay.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” You don’t respond but rather stare out into nothing with an emotionless expression.

“The least you can do is talk to me.” He says, nudging you lightly to lighten the mood.

“I wanted to marry you.” You blurt out of nowhere in a montone way. There was a good chance he was never coming home so at this point you felt as though you had nothing to lose.

He bowed his head in shame and twiddled his thumbs, clearly trying to absorb this big bombshell.

“Really?” He says finally looking at you and trying to hide his excitement.

“Yeah but at this point it’s foolish to think like that, considering I may never see you again.” You finally look at him with hurt in your eyes which he matches almost immediately.

“Y/N I-“ He tries to say something but you are quick to cut him off.

“Why is this so important to you?” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair before getting more comfortable in his spot.

“I don’t know. I feel as though I have lived my entire life being the lesser of the two brothers. Joe has always been the golden child that I wanted to prove myself. That I can be courageous and brave just like him.” You bite your lip from saying anything that may hurt him. It made sense why he would do this but you still hated the idea.

“Aren’t you afraid?”

“Of course I am. I’m scared shitless. But I’ve been scared shitless my entire life.” You sigh and the two of you sit in silence for a while, nothing but the sound of crickets and the warm night breeze floating by.

“Promise you won’t laugh?” He says out of the blue, rubbing his neck in embarrassment. You nod in return, silently telling him there is no reason to feel judged by you.

“There is one more thing I’m scared of.”

“And what’s that?”

“I shouldn’t say. It’s so bloody embarrassing.”

“What? No! You have to tell me now! That isn’t fair!”

“Okay fine.” He sighs.

“Spit it out then.” You say with an urgency to your voice.

“I’m scared of dying a virgin.” Your eyes go wide and you look over to him to see if he is joking or not. When you see him looking down at his lap shamefully, a blush creeps upon your face. You had never really discussed those things before. Especially with him.

Girls talked about it when you were in private school but you didn’t usually have anything to contribute.

“Oh.” Is all that you are able to get out.

“I’m sorry, I should have just kept that to myself. Forget I said anything.” He begins to ramble, clearly trying to backtrack on his last comment.

“There is no reason to feel ashamed of those type of things Thomas. Those are normal worries people have.”

“You think so?” He says hopefully.

“Of course. I also get scared by the idea of never being able to feel that way with someone. It’s natural.” It was now his turn to blush. Oh to be the one to make you feel that way, he thought.

“Tom?” You finally say, bracing yourself for his response.

“Yes?” He says back.

“You know. If we both share this fear, we could always… get rid of it together.” He is speechless and his jaw drops as he stares at your nervous expression.

“Do you really want to?” He finally gets out.

“Well, we know each other and we are good friends. I also feel very comfortable with you which is important.”

“Right but we aren’t married.”

“At this point Tom I don’t really care about that. I need to vent all of these emotions somehow.”

“Oh.”

“What?”

“So that’s what this is about. You want to fuck out your feelings because I’m leaving?” He seemed a little hurt by this. Like this was simply an impulse or an itch that was aching to be scratched. That was part of it but it was mostly the fact that you’ve wanted him to be your first the minute you returned home and saw just how much of man he had become. You loved him and he was now giving you a free pass to finally fulfill your desires.

“No, Tom that is not it. I want to lose my virginity and to be quite honest, I couldn’t think of anyone else I would want to lose it to.”

“Really?” A cocky smirk came upon his lips as he leaned in and nudged you slightly. You rolled your eyes in response and scoffed.

“Okay you don’t need to get all cocky about it.” He laughed before trying to start something by catching your gaze in his.

And with no warning Tom pounced on you and began kissing your neck roughly which caught you off guard.

“Tom get off! What are you doing?” You squeal as you push him away.

“What? I thought you said you wanted to lose your virginity to me. I leave next week remember?” Your glare is piercing as you stood up.

“I didn’t mean here at this very moment! God can you at least give me a warning before you try and pull something like that?” He falls back a bit onto the hay bale with an exasperated sigh, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

“Sorry.” He says realizing his wrong doing. You weren’t just an inanimate object that could just be used whenever. Contrary to what your father always believed, you were a person of integrity and if you needed time, then by god you were doing to get the respect you deserved.

“I think I will go to bed now.” Your words are soft as you turn around and hesitantly head out into the vast land of the Blake farm. You couldn’t help but look back to see Tom sitting there, embarrassed. Millions of thoughts swam around but one kept finding itself coming back again and again. That specific feeling that came whenever Tom did chores around the barn that made his muscles flex was coming back and even though you had just rejected him, the feeling was growing more and more.

“Fuck it.” You say under your breath before you quickly turn around and plop down onto his waist in a straddle, causing him to let out a groan at the sudden impact.

He looks at you in confusion, and right before he could say another word you quickly attach your lips to his. The kiss was aggressive and feverish as your hands threaded through his hair, gripping it tightly to get him to part his lips. As a result he let out a small gasp at your fingers tugging at his roots and your tongue swirling around his mouth. This was your first ever kiss and soon to be first ever time so you weren’t going to hold back. Not if it was with Tom.

Everything felt so right in that moment. Just two nineteen year olds using the last bit of time together before probable tragedy. You had a gut feeling that Tom was never going to walk up that long gravel driveway ever again. You shooed those horrid thoughts away.

“Tom.” You sigh against his plush lips. He pulls away and intently looks into your eyes, worry evident on his face.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked. You couldn’t help but giggle at his puppy like demeanour.

“Of course not. You are being so kind Tom.”

Your gaze then suddenly becomes transfixed with his white button shirt. Then without a second thought your hands grazed up and down his covered chest before you began to unbutton the first three, exposing his sternum. You look up to see him intensely watching your actions, his breathing beginning to increase.

“Are you sure Y/N?” He says while his hands run up and down the sides of your basic grey dress.

“Only if you are.” You whisper back. Taking this as affirmation he flips you around and lays you gently on the cushiony yet scratchy hay that held the both of you off of the dirty ground of the barn.

“You know I have always, thought, you were, so beautiful.” He says in between kisses along your face. You smile softly at his words and sigh, allowing yourself to fall deeper into the hay.

“Thomas Blake you always knew how to make a girl blush.” He chuckles at this and stops kissing you, holding himself up above your body.

“You remember the time your parents invited the Darby’s to Christmas Dinner. How it was your first year back from St. Clares and because they were the richest family in town, your parents tried to set you up with their son Richard?” You roll your eyes.

“Tom what does this have to do with us having sex right now?” You were growing slightly impatient.

“Wait, let me finish love.” You sigh and shift slightly to grow more comfortable. This may take some time, you thought.

“I remember I was so mad because your parents wouldn’t let me play with you. They basically threw you to Richard and I had to watch them try to play matchmaker. At the time I believed that I was angry because I wasn’t allowed to play with my best friend since you had been away for so long. But years later I looked back at that moment and I realized that I was jealous. Jealous at the fact that you were paying all of your attention to Richard and not me. Of course your parents made you but I remember making Richard my sworn enemy that day. Stupid huh?” You smile and run a hand down his cheek.

“No not at all. I can’t believe you remember that.” His words made you think for a moment. He had been in love with you for so long and you didn’t even notice.

“Tom?” You ask.

“Yes Y/N?” Your body almost turned to jelly at his readiness to do anything for you. The adoration was so obvious that “in love” could easily be stamped on the slightly older boy's forehead.

“Would it be crazy to say I am, whole heartedly, absolutely, in love with you Thomas Blake?”

“No it wouldn’t.” He laughed.

“And would I be absolutely mad to say that I am, insanely, crazily, in love with you Y/N L/N?” You shake your head with a smile and with that he leans in once more and continues the eventful night with a loving yet lustful kiss.

His hands begin to have a mind of their own as they roam your body. After exploring most of your many curves, his left hand slowly made its way under your dress, lifting it slightly and beginning to touch you over your knickers.

“Oh my.” You gasp out as he places a tad bit of pressure on your clit.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, watching your reactions intently.

“Very tingling, ve-very g-good.” You try to get out in between gasps. He smirks proudly at this and begins creating circles against the fabric that covers your centre.

“Off. Off Tom, please.” You slightly beg. Wanting to make you feel good, Tom begins to slide your knickers down your legs and chucks them off to the side.

“Can I see?” He asks sheepishly. You curve your neck so you can see him down between your legs.

“Yes.” You respond. With a steady hand, Tom lifts your dress, dropping it up around your waist and groans at the sight of your exposed, glistening cunt.

“Wow.” Is all he can say.

“Tom!” You whine, unable to bear the throbbing feeling between your thighs.

“Sorry, just got distracted.” He mutters. Tom then leans in and lets out a hot breath. Your legs clench at this and Tom becomes aware with just how sensitive you really are.

“I’m going to kiss you here. Is that alright darling?” You nod weakly and with that his lips attach to your centre. A moan is drawn out of you almost instantly.

“Fuck. This cannot be your first time.” You blurt out, clutching his hair. He smirks against you before he sits up again and places a long kiss on your awaiting lips.

“Just you darling. It’s always been you.” You giggle in response and wrap your arms around his neck and pull him flush against you.

“Y/N I don’t know how much longer I can last without putting my cock in you.” He spurts out in pent up frustration.

“Charming words there.” you scoff before he begins to unbutton his dirty work slack and push them down his legs.

“Can I unlace you’re-“ you sit up, already knowing what he is about to say. Your hands swing to the back of your dress and you quickly begin to unravel the back, letting it fall off your upper body. Your breasts were perked to the air from outside.

“Christ.” He says before leaning down and taking one breast into his mouth. He is slow and gentle with his actions, clearly showing you how important this moment was for him. With small mewls leaving your lips every once in a while, you ran your fingers through his hair again. This time you made sure to be more soft on his scalp.

“I’m ready, are you?” He whispers as he moves his mouth up to your jaw, hands still caressing your bosom. You nod slowly which makes him smile. It was finally going to happen.

He brings himself up again and places his hands on either side of your head.

You take a moment to take in his member. The only time you had seen one was when you snuck an anatomy book from the library when you were in school. Seeing one in real life was a whole new experience

He notices your stare and smirks.

“Everything alright?” He asks.

“I don’t know. It’s so different from the books. This is all so new to me.”

“It’s alright darling. We will learn together.” You nod in response and before you knew it, he was beginning to insert himself into you.

The feeling was so forgein and awkward that you had to smack him to stop.

“Ow fuck, Tom stop!” He quickly removes himself and holds you into his chest.

“Are you alright? Did I hurt you?” You grab him tighter in thanks and lean away a tad to look at his concerned face.

“It feels so tight. Could you maybe use your fingers first?” He nods and slips a hand down your dress again. One finger is dipped inside and you let out a sigh of relief. This was a lot easier to manage, you thought.

“Oh Thomas that feels so good.” You say. He smiles and takes your praise to allow himself to enter a second finger. Your legs clench a tad as he moves his fingers in and out, every once in a while, spreading your increased wetness along your slit.

“I think I’m ready now.” You say. It didn’t take much for him to remove his fingers and lick off your wetness. Then he positioned himself the same way he did not that long before. His member slipped into you and this time around it felt a lot less uncomfortable. It still caused a pressure but not enough for you to scream bloody murder.

“Should I move?” He asks. You were doing it. This was no longer a dream or a fantasy. Thomas Blake was staring down at you with his cock inside at the hilt.

“God yes.” You moan while throwing your head back and closing your eyes. Tom began retracting his hip and then swirled them around before pushing forward again.

“Fuck me.” He cries out.

“I’m so happy we did this.” He says. You grip his shirt and open up the rest of the buttons, allowing the rest of his torso to be revealed to you. Your hands ran up and down his chest and soft stomach.

“Slow down.” You whisper gently. He nods and his movements start to calm. His eyes are entranced by yours and you can’t help but notice tears in his eyes.

“Are you crying?” You ask.

“I’m going to miss you so much.” He whimpers back, as he continues to move back and forth within you. Tears began brimming your eyes and as you both let tears fall through your orgasms, you pulled him flush against you.

“Come home to me.” You kept repeating.

“I promise.” He would say back with as much of a clear voice he could muster up.

And with that your legs begin to shake and you let out an elongated moan. His seed spills deep inside of you and as he removes himself from your core you can't help but feel it drip down your inner thigh.

“I love you Thomas Blake.”

“I love you Y/N L/N.”

———

You stared blankly out the kitchen window as you dried off the plates from lunch. The sky was a gloomy grey but no rain fell. Mrs Blake sat silently in the living room, knitting a small bonet with yellow yarn.

Your mind was somewhere else that you hadn’t initially noticed a car pull up and a soldier stepping out, letter in hand.

The plate you had been drying crashes in the soapy water beneath you and you quickly dry your hands on your apron as you attempt to run out the front door.

“Mrs Blake?” The man asks as you open the door rather frantically.

“No but she’s in. Iris!” You call out. She walks slowly from her chair and situates herself beside you.

“I’m Mrs Blake.” Her words were shaky. It was almost as though she knew exactly what was about to come out of the man's mouth.

“We regret to inform you that Thomas Blake was killed in action on April 6th. His belongings will be sent to you in the next couple of weeks. We are sorry for your loss and the rest of the information given will be found in this letter.” And with that the man looked down at your stomach and sighed with sorrow before handing over the letter and walking back to the car.

Your legs went numb instantly. The only sounds you could make were loud gut wrenching sobs. You clenched your stomach as you held onto the door frame for support.

“He’s gone Iris! My beautiful Tom is gone!” She grabbed you and mixed your sobs with hers. Myrtle and the puppies were now at your feet, grazing your calves in a calming matter, almost as though they had known what had happened.

“My boy!” She lets out.

“My baby boy!”

————

Dear Y/N,

I can safely say that this is one of the hardest letters I have ever had to write. I am sure you have gotten the news before this gets to you so I want to say that I am so sorry for your loss. Tom was nothing but a good, selfless man who cared for others so deeply. Before he died, his only wish was that I wrote to you and his mother. He talked about you every chance he could. The stories from when the two of you were little, how you were the most beautiful being that he had ever seen. How him replaying your laugh in his head was the only way to get him to sleep at night when things were tough here in the trenches. He didn’t die in vain. He died knowing that he fulfilled his duty of loving you each waking moment, even if it saddened him he couldn’t do it alive for much longer.

I remember his last words to me so very clearly.

“Tell my beautiful Y/N I love her. That I will always be with her.”

He handed me this picture of the two of you together. There is some blood on it but he would have wanted you to have it nevertheless. I hope this gives you peace during these trying times and god bless Y/N.

Sincerely,

William Schofield

“Mommy, mommy look!” A small voice calls out. You drop the letter and picture of you and Tom staring longingly at each other that you had read and looked at so many times before to see your son holding a small pool of water in his hands.

“What do you have there?” You call out. He then runs up from the river and drops down beside you under the willow tree you were situated at.

“I caught a tadpole!” He says proudly.

“That’s amazing Thomas!” He smiles at your encouraging words before running back down to the water. You watched him intently as he giggled in entertainment. Sometimes you had to let out steady breaths to stop yourself from crying. He was truly the spitting image of his father, a mini Tom if you will. The icy blue eyes and the chocolate wavy hair gave him away so easily. It pained you so much to wake up and see your Tom in him every day, but it was also a blessing in disguise. Even though Tom was no longer around, he had left you a gift that you could never thank him enough for. Tom Jr was so sweet and kind and loved making friends with everyone he came across, just like his father. He was your support system and you both adored each other. He was your best friend.

And for that, you were internally grateful to Mr. Thomas Blake.

#dean charles chapman x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #smut #Tom Blake #Thomas Blake #1917 #movie

60 notes · View notes

amour-salvatore · 4 years

Text

all is fair in love and war

Part 6

It’s just a bet babe - This sentence has been stuck in your head for a month now.

1 month since you saw Dele for the last time. The first week, he tried calling you many times but you didn’t answer and eventually, he gave up. He knew you good enough to know that you’re not going to pick up. It was just better than doing nothing. The hurt look on your face was still hunting him.

Thinking back, you shouldn’t have loved him in the first place but couldn’t help it. You knew that Dele was a player and he liked playing with girls, after all, it was just a game from the beginning. A game you lost. Still, it hurts like hell thinking of what you heard. The thought of him betraying you like this, just won’t get in your head. The Dele who wouldn’t stop teasing you, stealing glances, the one who made you feel so good. All a lie. He should have been an actor instead cause you believed every single lie.

In the last weeks, you tried to distract yourself with school work, going to the gym and then coming home exhausted only having the energy to shower and finally fall asleep. This has become routine for you and when you would come home, crying because everything was just too much, your brother wouldn’t ask about your puffy red eyes and let you go to your room closing the door immediately.

Tottenham had a game today which they lost. Dele was taken off the pitch after 30 minutes. He looked furious when the camera showed him. A part of you thinks it’s karma. You watched the game with your brother but you went straight to your room after it was finished because you knew his friends were coming over again, like always.

After 30 minutes of laying in your bed and listening to music, you hear people, talking, drinking and music being played from the speakers. It’s the fifth party this month. Not once did you leave your room, not even to get yourself something to drink. You just want to lay in bed and watch your shows, hoping it will distract you. But Dele hasn’t been to one either. He had never missed one before. Sometimes you wished he would come, so you could tell him what an asshole he is.

Laying in bed, listening to music you suddenly hear someone trying to open your door but luckily, it’s locked. Watching the doorknob move, you stand up, taking your air pods out of your ear and slowly walking towards the door, trying to eavesdrop on the voices outside.

“Mate, let her be.” You recognize your brother's voice. He sounds mad.

But the person is still, playing with the doorknob.

“I haven’t seen her in a month. I just need a little glimpse of her face.” Your heart drops. Dele is here? Your heart beats faster at his voice. You lean closer to the door, the music, making it difficult to hear if it really is Dele or you’re just imagining voices.

“If she wanted to talk to you, she would've answered your calls. Now go and drink some water. You’re drunk.” You hear your brother push him away. “She isn’t the easiest girl to love Dele. Y/N isn’t a one nights stand.”

“Don’t you think I fucking know that? Why do you think I can’t get her out of my head?” With that, his voice fades and he walks away. You’re tempted to open the door and confront him but you're scared of the other boy who's behind the door.

Your brother knows about you and Dele? Confused you stare at the floor, trying to find out how he knows about you two. Is he going to be mad? Great, another thing to worry about.

Leaning against the door, your thoughts are interrupted by a knock. Taking a deep breath you go through all the things you want to tell Dele. Slowly opening the door, it’s not Dele who is standing outside but your brother.

“I guess you heard that.” He leans against the wall across from you.

You nod, not able to say anything. He’s weirdly calm for someone who found out that his little sister had a thing with his best friend.

“I hate him for what he did behind my back.” His gaze is intense. “But I can’t ignore the fact that you’re both miserable without each other.” He shrugs, taking another sip of his drink. “It’s your choice now Y/N. You know how he feels.”

You open the door wider, gulping hard.

“He doesn’t feel the same way don’t worry. ” You don’t meet his eyes, still ashamed.

You feel him move closer. “Y/N, that boy is an idiot. He does stupid things but for the right reasons.” After a long pause, he gently nudges your shoulder.

“He’s outside.”

Thanking your brother you take your cardigan off the chair, walking through people drinking and dancing. Reaching for the front door, you take a deep breath, ready to find closure. Opening it you walk outside, getting hit by the fresh air.

Looking around the street, you finally spot Dele, leaning against his car his eyes fixed on you as if he knew you would search him.

He was waiting for you.

Heading towards him, you go through everything you wanted to tell him, again. But when you stopped in front of Dele, you couldn’t hold yourself back and slapped him across his face.

Your eyes go wide when Dele holds his right cheek and you realize what you did. “I deserved that,” he mumbles under his breath. You want to apologize but decide against it, I mean he did break your heart.

Looking up again, something flickers in his eyes. His gaze stopping on your neck.

You realize your fingers are playing with his necklace.

“I see you’re still wearing it.” He wears a small smile which doesn’t reach his eyes, still cupping his right cheek.

“I won it after all.”

After a long pause, Dele starts talking again. “Listen, I..” He tries to find the right words.”I know what you heard. and I hate myself for not explaining it sooner. You just believed everything so fast, doubting my loyalty so quickly. I was mad Y/N.” He runs a hand through his hair.

“How can’t you see that I won’t waste a thought about any other girl if she isn’t you.” He repels himself from the car, coming closer to you.

“If I told her I loved you, she would make your life a living hell and tell the media. I wanted to ensure you still have your private life.” Did he just say he loves you? You can feel your knees go weak, not even comprehending the rest of what he’s saying.

“Did you just say you love me?” You mumble looking up at him.

Dele chuckles. “Since the first time I saw you when I came over to play with your brother.”

He’s now standing just centimetres away from you, brushing a hair behind your ear. “I’m sorry for causing you so much pain, Y/N. The last month without you was hell.”

You look up at him, leaning into his touch. It feels so good to be near him again, to feel him and see his beautiful smile again. He really has you wrapped around his finger.

“If you give me another chance I’ll make it up to you.”

You want to believe him but a part of you is still very cautious. He might tell you the truth but he could have told you that a lot sooner.

“Let’s start over this time. No games.” You hold your hand out for him to shake.

“Deal.” He grins, leaning in for a kiss, instead. “Let’s seal it with a kiss ”

You roll your eyes. “So much to starting over.” You mumble but when he closes his eyes your turn your head so he kisses your cheek. “I guess I deserve that as well.” He chuckles a little disappointed.

“You have to earn it, babe.”

His hands move to your waist, pulling your body against his. Looking down at the necklace, pausing for a second “I had your initials engraved the next day you told me you wanted it.” His fingers glide over the chain on your neck, remembering the day.

Your heart starts beating faster again. You can’t put into words how much you love this boy standing in front of you. He really knows how to make you forget everything you had resolved for yourself. “I love you”

2 months later

“I’m scared Dele.” You squeal laying on a chair at the tattoo studio.

“Babe, it was your idea.” Yes, because you felt like it was the right thing to do, you think to yourself. He gave you the necklace so you felt guilty about it and wanted to give him something in return.

“You got this. It doesn’t hurt that bad.” He squeezes your hand, sitting next to you. He still hasn’t told you what it is. He wanted to surprise you.

You choose to have the tattoo on the left side of your ribs.

After 30 minutes of pain, it’s finally done. Slowly standing up you basically run to the mirror. Looking at it through one open eye, you gasp. It looks beautiful, it’s small and very delicately written over your ribs.

But you don't know what it means.

omne pulchrum est in amore et bellum

“It’s beautiful,” you mumble not looking away. Your first tattoo.

Dele appears behind you, his gaze fixed on the small tattoo he chose. His eyes are filled with love as he meets your eyes through the mirror.

“It means ‘all is fair in love and war’.”

@savingprivatecass

#tell me what you think #Duun dun the end 🥺#dele alli #dele alli blurb #dele alli imagine #football #football imagines #football imagine #harry winks #trent alexander arnold blurb #jadon sancho

104 notes · View notes

howtowhumpyourhiccup · 4 years

Text

The Stories Scars Can Tell

Summary: A 'Hiccup left Berk' whump fic. When Hiccup left Berk for Toothless' safety five years ago, he hadn't thought about how hard life as a solo Dragon Rider would be. He hadn't realized it either, until a year after his reunion with Berk and the new Dragon Riders want to learn more about his scars.

Rating: Teen and up

Words: 6 452

Author’s Notes: This was supposed to be a 'Hiccup left Berk' whump fic one-shot, but it got way out of hand. This part alone is already 6k words long and I have other parts in the works, all of which are about Hiccup's misfortunes.

Constructive criticism is appreciated.

Enjoy!

Ao3

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Is-is that from an arrow?"

Hiccup's honest question caused Astrid to take a pause. She'd been undressing herself, but she didn't get past her pauldrons before Hiccup asked her. They were left on the ground next to the hot spring they were planning on diving in.

Snotlout, Fishlegs, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut were all here as well and in several different stages of undress. Three of them pretty much threw their clothes off before jumping straight in. There were some surprised yelps of the water being too hot followed by Fishlegs chastising them for not taking their time to get used to the spring beforehand.

Usually, they'd be wearing nothing at all. Viking bathhouses were communal and these five young adults were familiar with each other as well. But having previously been somewhat hesitant to join them, this was the first time Hiccup was here with them, at one of the many bodies of water this island provided.

In the months since they came to live here with Hiccup, Toothless, and all the other dragons that called this place home, they had been trying to gain his trust. Hiccup's presence at the hot spring with them and without his very protective Night Fury was a sign that they were successful. As to not immediately scare him away again, the Thorston twins may or may not have compared Hiccup to a very skittish dragon more than once, they had decided to keep at least one layer of clothing on them.

It took Ruffnut a lot of convincing to go through with their plan.

It seemed to be working. At the very least, Hiccup wasn't wearing his armor, made out of Gronckle iron and dragon scales. His tunic and leather pants he did still wear. Much like his usual outer layer, they were dark in color. He had once explained it was because Toothless, a Night Fury, was a stealthy dragon. Hiccup just didn't wish to stand out on his back by wearing green or bright red.

That this was the first time was also the reason why he hadn't seen Astrid's scar before. It was located on her left shoulder, a very light pinkish line on her front. A similar one seemed to be present on the back parallel to the first one.

When Hiccup asked her about it, she glanced down at it.

"Oh yeah! In through the front and out through the back! Got it from some Dragon Hunter Viggo sent before the mysterious Dragon Master showed up to save Berk from his clutches." Astrid wasn't at all bothered as she talked about what was probably originally a very painful wound, sending Hiccup a smile when she mentioned this mystery figure. She even flexed her left arm and showed her scar with pride.

Hiccup smiled back at her, lightly shaking his head. Of course, Astrid would see her scars as achievements. That would be so like her.

The Dragon Master's war with the Dragon Hunters and Viggo uncovering his identity is what had lead him to Berk. The Grimborn brothers launching raids on the Viking village, capturing fishing boats, and cutting off their trading routes is what had then resulted in Hiccup returning to Hairy Hooligans for the first time since he had left it and his true self to be revealed.

Some hearts were broken, some were mended, there were some loud shouting matches, it had been a difficult few weeks for everybody, but in the end, Berk had been saved and Hiccup gained five new friends. Human friends.

The real reason behind the dragon raids and why they had suddenly stopped was known by now too and, needless to say, the Hooligans loved watching him come for a visit a lot more than they liked watching him leave.

"Must've been painful, though." Hiccup made a statement and cringed at the thought.

"Oh, it was! And... to be fair, I can't quite lift my left arm past my shoulder, but the kids on Berk haven't noticed. That is what matters." Nobody would ever think Astrid Hofferson, of all people, to be good with children, but the tiny Hairy Hooligans seemed to love her. A flash of regret did pass by on her face, but it was gone before Hiccup could speak of it and so he chose not too.

So that was somewhat of a sore spot to her, that she lost some of the range she used to have. She hoped her little fans would never find out their favorite warrior couldn't lift one of her arms all the way.

Astrid continued to work on the rest of her clothes. An extra pair of eyes did not make her waiver at all. She wasn't ashamed in friendly company she was close with.

An old crush and a want to still respect her decency got Hiccup to look away, even though she wasn't entirely in the nude.

This made Hiccup the only one still fully dressed. Something he was quite okay with, although he had agreed to join them at the springs this time.

Snotlout, soaked from head to toe, came stomping out of the water. Attempting to pretend like he wasn't freezing as he left the heat of both the hot spring and the steam, he took on a confident pose. Hiccup and Astrid's brief exchange had sparked inside of him the want to gloat.

"Pff! That puny thing? Let me show you a real scar!" He invited himself into the conversation. Propping a foot up on a nearby rock, he smugly pointed towards a jagged line on his inner thigh.

"Do you see that here? Got this one when I took a harpoon to the leg." Snotlout's ego simply oozed out of every spoken word. He was gloating and it looked like he had been waiting to do so for much too long.

"You did not!" Always ready to knock the Jorgenson right off the pedestal he liked to put himself on, the Thorston twins exited the spring as well. It was Ruffnut who spoke.

"Yeah, you got that scar when you accidentally destroyed that armory and that harpoon, that was just lying there, fell on you." Tuffnut followed swiftly.

"I did not! I-... Shut up, Tuffnut!" His pride hurt, Snotlout crossed his arms and looked away.

The twins grinned mischievously.

"Now check this out!" Both Ruff and Tuff pointed towards a particularly ugly-looking scar on the brother's side that didn't appear to be all that old. They were particularly happy with this one.

Walking closer, Hiccup couldn't help but notice something.

"Is that from... a Fireworm?" He asked, slightly worried.

"Uh-huh. Found some, tried to roll with them. You know how it is, being the feral dragon person that you are. Turns out they-"

"Have skin hot enough that it can melt flesh, yes, I'm aware." Tuffnut's exciting recount of the event did not help settle Hiccup's concern at all. If anything, he made a mental note to tell them which dragons to touch and which ones they should stay away from as far as humanly possible.

Or he should make that list in reverse. Knowing those two, Ruffnut and Tuffnut would absolutely seek out the ones they shouldn't ever come in contact with.

"And oh, Hiccup!" Ruffnut pulled on his sleeve excitedly before pointing towards her leg.

"And then there's this one I got on my leg from a fishing hook, that weird looking thing right here that I got when Tuff and I went Gronckle tipping-"

"That was you?!" Fishlegs' outrage was heard in an instance as Ruffnut decided to list each one of her own scars. Her body was quite littered with them.

"Yes, it was, Fishlegs! Pay attention!"

Hiccup didn't get to hear the end of their conversation as Astrid grabbed his shoulder to turn his attention towards her. She had taken note of Hiccup's stress levels rising significantly with each little anecdote Ruffnut shared and decided to save him before he bolted back towards his den where he could think of a way to "twin-proof" the island. She could see the want to do so on his face.

"You know, I had my suspicions, but they really haven't changed at all, have they?" Hiccup asked her, thankful for the save, and Astrid nodded.

"Unfortunately, they haven't. But don't worry about them, Fishlegs and I are keeping an eye out for them. And now you are too. They couldn't possibly be in any safer hands." Even after all of these months getting to know them after their reunion last year, Hiccup still wondered where this supportive side of Astrid had come from and why. He also wondered if she knew how much he appreciated it.

It made him remember that sometimes having other humans around could feel good.

There were the Defenders and the Wingmaidens, but Astrid, Fishlegs, Snotlout, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut came from a tribe that weren't originally on good terms with dragons. Dragon people were far and wide in between, at least in the far North, and sometimes a little reminder that the majority of humans weren't bad was a welcome perspective.

"I'll, uh, do my best to help." Hiccup gave her an awkward smile.

They had come here to live with him, after all. After some talking with their parents and Berk's Chief, they were here to help Hiccup and Toothless protect the dragons under their care and save the ones held captive by those that would do them wrong. They were living his life with the sole purpose of understanding it.

Although, Hiccup was well aware that there were some other, more hidden, intentions behind their actions. Hiccup knew for a fact, for example, that Stoick hoped his estranged son would reach out to him again. He wanted to reconnect, but so far he was respecting Hiccup’s need for space and time, which Hiccup was quite certain Gobber had something to do with.

"No! That one is so embarrassing!" Fishlegs yelped as he physically removed himself from Ruffnut and Tuffnut Thorston.

After the twin had run out of nicks and blemishes on their person, they decided to point out the Ingerman's. Ruffnut had taken this opportunity to say how "disappointingly untouched" he was.

It sent shivers down the spines of everyone present and Fishlegs already decided that he would spending that night with Meatlug in her nest.

"What about you?"

"Huh?"

Snotlout's question surprised Hiccup and he drew his gaze away from the three Riders.

"Do you have any scars?" Snotlout clarified his inquiry, he wasn't too happy that he needed to do so.

Hiccup was once again the center of attention, like he had been many times since the new Dragon Riders had come to live with him on what they called the "Better-than-Berk Berk".

Awkwardly, he gestured towards his prosthetic leg.

"Ugh, besides that! We know the story behind that one!" Jorgensons were often known for their temper and Snotlout was already annoyed.

Hiccup tugged on his tunic in discomfort, straightened it out as if possible crinkles mattered to him. They were all waiting on him and gazing at him expectantly. It had been a long while since he'd last felt this uncomfortable with his own body and yet the wave of embarrassment was a familiar one.

Dragons didn't care about his body. At least, the ones here didn't. He knew Toothless didn't. The Night Fury was never bothered by how weak and scrawny his partner looked, not even back when they first met. As a result, Hiccup never needed to care either.

But humans... Humans cared. A lot, from what he could remember.

"I don't..." Not even his hands quite knew what they were trying to say.

"You don't have to show us anything." Astrid decided to speak up as she took a step forward. Her hand was on his shoulder again.

"Oh, come on!"

"Is this about being scrawny? You're not that scrawny anymore! Honest!"

"And you're tall, H! Tall, handsome, and... Broad's not the word I'm looking for." The protest was instant. The only one who wasn't opposed to Hiccup listening to his boundaries was Fishlegs.

"Hiccup doesn't have to show us if he doesn't want to." Astrid hissed, unconsciously grasping for an axe that wasn't there with the way her fist clenched. She scolded the three of them. The other Riders muttered and two of them crossed their arms in disappointment. One even pouted.

Next to Astrid, however, Hiccup sighed and silently nodded to himself. He came to a decision and grabbed the back of his tunic to remove it.

"Hiccup?"

"You've shown me yours, I show you mine, right? It's only fair. And I'm doing this of my own free will. So don't worry about it." Though Hiccup tried to reassure her, Astrid's slight unease did not immediately fade away.

She felt compelled to look away at the slightest show of skin. It was unlike her, but as the tunic came off and all that remained was the leather pants, she didn't think there was any other choice.

"Damn, Haddock! Dragon riding did you good!" Ruffnut instantly piped up and Fishlegs even nodded in agreement. Snotlout was speechless, which was a feat in and of itself, and Tuffnut said something along the lines of having found someone even hotter than the skin-melting hides of Fireworms.

"Ah, thank you?" Hiccup hadn't expected any positive reactions, he'd expected neutral ones at best, but he would take it. It did his self-esteem some good. At least, for the time being.

Daring herself to look, Astrid finally willed her gaze to fall back on Hiccup and she saw what they all saw.

There were the tons and tons of freckles they already knew he had, but what was new was his figure as it was no longer scrawny as it was more toned instead. His muscles definitely weren't defined, but they were still unmistakenly there. Deceptively powerful in a lean and sleek design, that is what Astrid's keen eyes saw.

And something else that they knew weren't there before were the many, many scars on his body. For the amount alone, he had them all beat. Even Ruffnut!

As that sunk in, Astrid grew quiet while the others were delighted. Ruff, Tuff, and Snotlout in particular. As a warrior, she had numerous imperfections of her own, but she could at least say that none of them originated from a brutal whipping.

The marks on his upper back, she'd seen them before on other people and she'd heard their stories.

How vicious had it been that it created wounds that scarred? Like that especially? And more importantly, how old was he when he got them? The mostly straight lines were white, meaning they have probably been there a while already.

"So, huh, which- which one should I talk about first?" The overwhelming attention made Hiccup flush, hands not knowing what they wanted to do. And it was, for once, not in an entirely bad way. If anything, it encouraged him to open up to them even more.

Astrid pushed her new realizations to the back of her mind for the time being. She would approach the Dragon Master about them later. In privacy. The others didn't need to know that particular story in case Hiccup didn't want them to know. And if he didn't want her to know either, then so be it. She was willing to accept that.

Another reason was that Astrid didn't want this fragile trust he had in them now to break simply because they were asking questions for answers Hiccup may not want to give.

So she came to stand in front of Hiccup and scanned his body from head to toe, searching for a tale he may want to share.

Meanwhile, Hiccup needed to tell himself to breathe as she looked him over. Once upon a time, he had made himself believe he'd gotten over his crush on Astrid after leaving Berk, but her stay here certainly disproved that.

"Let's start with... These! On your hands!" Astrid suggested and took Hiccup's hands into her own. He splayed them open, palm up. They were certainly calloused from years of blacksmithing, a skill he had continued to sharpen as he did have his very own forge here on the island. But besides the callouses, the surface showed small burn scars as well.

"Oh, these!" Seeing them, Hiccup's awkwardness melted away and the biggest grin appeared on his face. It was the brightest expression they'd seen him wear thus far. Astrid and Fishlegs smiled in response.

"I've told you guys about the hatchlings Toothless and I sometimes take in, right?" They all nodded simultaneously. If there was something Hiccup liked to boast about it were his hatchlings. Some of which were still here on the island with them and others which occasionally dropped by for a visit.

"There was this one abandoned little Nightmare that we hatched and raised. She was late, so I think her parents had given up on her. This one day she discovered she could light herself up on command and... Well, I was holding her at the time." Hiccup chuckled at the memory. That same Nightmare was one of those that had taken up residence on this island.

"It scared her so bad because she thought I was fireproof this whole time and Toothless scolded her for so long! Ah, the burns were terrible, but I couldn't stay mad at her, you know? I named her Fiery because of what happened." He was going to end it there. If he didn't, he would still be talking about her hours later. He loved her so much, just like every single other dragon juvenile he'd ever taken care of and raised by hand.

But just because he wouldn't talk about Fiery, didn't mean he wouldn't talk about a different dragon of his.

"And this one," He pointed towards a bite mark on his right arm. It wasn't particularly big, but it looked like it must've once hurt, but the smile on his face didn't vanish. This one was another good memory.

"I got this one from Trouble, a Zippleback. They loved playing growing up, but then one of the heads got a little too playful during a play-fight and bit me instead of just nipping me. It was an accident, but they kept bringing me fish for an entire week as an apology." A joyous laugh escaped him.

"You could say he got a little... bitey." Snotlout was very proud of himself, but his pun was not a welcome one. Nobody laughed, they just stared.

"Shut up, Fishlegs."

"I didn't even say anything!"

"Still, shut up!"

Astrid rolled her eyes and Hiccup shook his head, but more so out of amusement. Meanwhile, the twins needed to be stopped before they started a contest of puns just to show the dishonorable Jorgenson who the real pun masters were. There was no room on this island for more than two masters in the art of wordplay.

"Ooh, what is this one?" Fishlegs was the next one to speak up. He only had eyes for the strange scarring on Hiccup's right. They looked like veins, or like red lightning etched into his skin. Like a tattoo. It started on his shoulder and went down his chest.

"Oh, that one! Yeah, I, uh, I got hit by lightning this one time when Toothless and I got caught in a thunderstorm in the middle of the ocean. Yeah, so... that- that happened." He was slightly more awkward about that one and Snotlout was wholly disappointed a mark as cool as that didn't come with an equally awesome story.

He muttered a silent "geez". That was how much he felt let down. A corrective punch by Astrid followed swiftly.

The twins were slightly more excited to have heard about that one incident that had turned their fellow Rider into a human lightning rod.

"Oh yeah, I imagine the two of you need to be careful. You both carry a lot of metal with you as you fly." Fishlegs added helpfully. Hiccup had told them of how metal was naturally attracting to lightning. It was something he had found out the hard way and more than once, apparently.

"So what about the scar here?" Tuffnut asked, pointing to the rather ugly one on the other's chin. Hiccup didn't know when the Thorston had pulled his pant leg up.

Or where his boot had gone for that matter.

Either way, Tuffnut figured Ugly marks were bound to have a nice and gruesome backstory.

Hiccup’s smile, that first appeared as genuine and then became more awkward, made way for a cringe. Just the thought of what had caused this particular blemish on his person made him wince. His slightly hunched posture told of his nervousness.

It was still very pink in coloration, indicating that it couldn't have been that old yet.

"Um, we, uh... We crashed. Some strong winds caught Toothless' wings. I broke my leg. The bone was out. Needed to set it myself, but couldn't. So Hookfang did it for me. It was very painful." There were no details, his sentences were short and to the point, and still, the faces of everyone present pulled into a grimace.

"That... could not have been a fun time," Ruffnut stated and the others agreed. Even she got goosebumps just imagining what that must've been like.

"Couldn't walk for so long. I actually just got back up on my feet when you guys sent me that T-mail asking me if you could come live here with us." Just thinking back to the time spent in bed simply because the dragons forbid him from getting up made Hiccup feel restless. Like he needed to strap the saddle to Toothless and go for a flight with him right this instance.

This, however, explained some things to the Riders. When they had first moved to the "Better Than Berk" Berk, Hiccup did seem to fatigue easily at the beginning of their stay and there had been no news of any recent rescue missions that had taken place before their arrival.

Usually, they heard about all sorts of rumors from seafaring merchants and such. That Hiccup needed some time to recover would be one reason why it had been strangely quiet on the grapevine concerning the Dragon Master.

"Is it...?" Astrid pointed to his leg.

"Oh, don't worry about it! It's good now! I'm good now! It just hurts when I run for too long."

"Define how much "for too long" is."

"Anyway, anything else you guys want to know?" Instead of answering Fishlegs' query, Hiccup gazed at three of the other Riders, who had been surprisingly silent.

Hiccup took a seat on a nearby rock. It most definitely didn't have anything to do with what they had just discussed.

Attempting to shrug away the tension that hung in the atmosphere, Snotlout and the twins circled him and looked him over. It was slightly uncomfortable for Hiccup, but if there was something they wanted to know, he was willing to share.

Fishlegs and Astrid had heard enough for the time being, though they did not leave.

"These!" Snotlout picked next.

Hiccup looked over his left shoulder to look at the scars Snotlout was referring too. He could barely see them, but he knew which ones the other was talking about.

"Got those from a dragon. Which I'm sure is quite obvious. This one time Trouble had wandered into a different dragon's territory and they weren't too happy about it. It was a Monstrous Nightmare and a very territorial one at that. She was about to nest and she didn't want any competition." Hiccup rubbed his shoulder. That Nightmare had found a good den and thought Trouble and Hiccup had come to steal it.

Many dragons Hiccup had met in life were good and kind beings, but there were some rotten apples he was unfortunate enough to come across. Most dragons did not hurt young juveniles.

So Hiccup remembered that incident with some unease, but Snotlout, meanwhile, looked back at those scars and was stunned.

They were claw marks that ran from his upper back all the way down to his hips. Had the claws responsible been just a tad bit more to the right, they would've taken Hiccup's spine.

Just like Astrid and Fishlegs, he was starting to have enough.

Hiccup seemed to notice. Snotlout didn't have any comments, he was now uncharacteristically quiet. But Hiccup had promised he would tell, so...

"What's this one?!" Ruffnut asked. Not having lost her curiosity just yet, she wanted to continue this interrogation as she poked at what once must've been a large gash on his right side, where his ribs were.

"That one I got from an axe, believe it or not! Got in over my head with some Dragon Hunters back when this one guy called Krogan was still alive. He was... a very cruel man. Said that, if I wanted to live like a dragon, I needed to be put down like a dragon. But I survived! So that's good!" Hiccup was slightly hesitant as he answered. His apprehension grew when he watched true horror appear on the faces of even the twins.

Suddenly, listening to Hiccup talk about several different incidents that each lead to horrific injury after horrific injury wasn't as appealing anymore.

Hiccup thought to himself that it was a good thing he wasn't naked, or they would've seen some other disfigurements he was still hiding.

Tuffnut raised his finger, as if he wanted to speak, but then lowered it again. It seemed like even he had enough by now. Hiccup wasn't kidding when he promised he was ready to tell them everything they wanted to know. And there were still quite a few scars they hadn't asked about.

Such as that thin vertical line on the right side of his abdomen. It wasn't all that short either. There were those odd spots on his lower back that looked like burns, but who knew what could cause a pattern such as that.

The Riders looked at one another, a look of new understanding on each of their faces.

Thinking of this lost Berkian as some crazy feral vigilante dragon-man had always been fun. After the years away, having fully devoted himself to dragons, he had adopted many draconic mannerisms. It was kooky, but amusing. As for the power he showed in battle, he and Toothless were like their own two-man army, you'd be an absolute fool to stand in their way. When he had first returned to Berk, they had been blown away by how much he had grown.

But now the Riders understood the kind of toll achieving such a strength and loyalty had on Hiccup, the pain he must've endured in his solo career as the Dragon Rider.

He had his dragons and they used their claws and fiery breath to keep him safe, but he didn't have any humans around. Each new injury Hiccup had to tend to himself, no matter how life-threatening.

He had human allies, such as the Defenders and the Wingmaidens, but they were never around. They didn't travel as much or as far as Hiccup did. In this manner, Hiccup was almost like their scout, their eyes in places they could not see. In return, they were a safe haven Hiccup was always welcome in, but couldn't always reach.

So Astrid figured the question she was about to ask was a fair one. Considering all their friend had gone through already in his short life, she didn't feel like she could rest easy without knowing that he was okay.

She came to stand before him while everyone else had moved away, her hand ghosting over a considerably large gash on his front that could only be caused by another dragon. It was another horrible tale, another stain on what they thought for so long had been a happy-go-lucky life without any care, stress, or worry. It would remain untold until the day the Riders got the heart to learn more.

Hiccup pushed himself back up on his feet, brows furrowed in concern.

"Hiccup... Are you sure you won't come back to Berk with us? Come back home? For good?" It was quiet at the hot spring. By now, they had all forgotten why they had come here in the first place. Something about going swimming and reconnecting with someone from their childhood.

Hiccup didn't know what to say as this question was asked. His gaze traveled to look at the others and he could see that they shared this sentiment with her. They wanted him to move back to Berk with them, permanently, and leave the home he had built here.

Some of these injuries were received after Hiccup had first returned to Berk. He could've been out there fighting with them, injured, and they would have no idea. He could've been suffering from fevers and infections while they had been in their cozy homes, enjoying the company of friends and family, of people with opposable thumbs who could help should trouble ever arise.

Tonight had been a revealing one for them.

But Hiccup already knew his answer.

"I... can't."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that evening, with the moon high in the sky, Hiccup sat on the ledge of the entrance to the den he shared with Toothless, a knee pulled up to his chest.

It was a considerably sized cave in the side of a mountain that they found when they had first come to this island. There were very clear signs of both a dragon and a human living here. While it stayed mostly untouched, there was a large stone slab covered with piles of fur, there was a wall covered in paper with sketches and blueprints, there was a desk filled with parts and tools, and so much more.

It was quite high up from the base and the way there was steep too. Without a flying reptile for a best bud, it was hard to reach. That is what made it so perfect.

Fully clothed again, Hiccup had retreated here after a very tense dip in one of the hot springs with his human friends. Not feeling like sleeping yet, at night he was usually awake after having grown accustomed to Toothless' way of life, he was instead staring up to the sky and the stars.

He contemplated the events of the day, the things he'd said, and the Riders' reaction to them.

He thought he was doing the right thing by telling them all they wanted to know. He kept his life the past five years mostly hidden even when the others had come, he thought finally coming clean would strengthen their bond as the Dragon Riders. Instead, he got them to worry for him.

Honestly, he had never realized just how hard life had been on him. Even with all physical reminders blemishing his skin.

Toothless dropping his head heavily on Hiccup's lap pulled him out of his thoughts. It had been done on purpose. He crooned in question and looked up to his Rider.

When he only smiled and then proceeded to stroke the top of the dragon’s head, Toothless figured a more direct approach was needed to get Hiccup to talk.

So he picked his Rider up and all but threw him off the ledge and into their shared den. Hiccup landed with a grunt. Dragons weren't known for their gentle nature. Especially when they happened to have a close of a bond as Hiccup and Toothless had and regularly played rough with each other.

“Toothless!” Hiccup rubbed his backside.

The Night Fury gazed at him and roared in protest. It was his way of asking him what was up.

Hiccup let out a sigh as he crossed his legs. Toothless moved closer to sit down in front of him. He was quite a bit bigger than the human. Hiccup looked like he was contemplating something and Toothless wasn't pushing him. He knew his Rider would tell him when he was ready. There was hardly anything the two kept from each other, even during times when what they wanted to say to the other could not be said.

Hiccup looked up to his best friend.

"I think I did something bad, Bud. It's- it's nothing serious. I was... I was just thinking."

Toothless gave him a look and seemed to be saying "when you think it's always serious." It was an expression Hiccup often saw.

"Okay, fair point. I guess." Hiccup shrugged.

“I-I... You knew they wanted me to join them at the hot springs, right? They asked me about my scars and- and it made them really worried for my safety and..." He grew silent again and swallowed a lump in his throat.

"Do you, um... Do you think we should go back to Berk, Bud?” Hiccup finally spoke what was on his mind. Toothless cocked his head to one side.

“I-I mean, we only went back because of Viggo. And then we kept coming back whenever they needed us and-and then whenever there was a celebration or a holiday and they asked us to come... And then the Riders decided to come live here and see things from my perspective… And...” He let out a deep sigh and looked back up to his dragon, who gazed back at him with a look of understanding. He was allowing him to let it all out first.

"We have it good here, Bud. We worked so hard on this place. We can't just leave it behind."

Toothless gave him a look and a purr. With his nose, he dove underneath Hiccup's tunic to nudge the long scar on his abdomen and Hiccup's sighed deeply. Another one he hadn't told the Riders about and it didn't have such a lovely tale either. It was the one Astrid had not dared to touch.

It was caused by a Skrill they once had a scuffle with. She had been exceptionally cruel, like a dragon version of Krogan, and had come to their island in search of trouble. She had come specifically to challenge Hiccup and Toothless, this pack's alphas.

The Night Fury and the Rider won, but it had been a terrifying battle. She had been big, strong, and relentless. The fight had not ended well for her, much to Hiccup's regret. Though, he knew she left them no choice.

Hiccup was beginning to realize nearly every scar's story was a scary one. Toothless was right, the Dragon Riders did have a reason to worry for him. Hiccup knew he would've if any of them got hurt as often as he did.

He pulled a knee up to his chest and wrapped an arm around it. He looked off to the side.

He shook his head.

"No, we can't leave. This is my home, Toothless. It's our home. I-I can't leave." Toothless was comfortable with that answer and he wasn't about to argue with Hiccup. Whether on Berk or here, he wanted to be wherever Hiccup wanted to be.

That was wherever he was the most comfortable and it was clear he wasn't ready yet to return to the human settlement he was born and raised in.

Hiccup's history with fellow humans was not a good one. Toothless knew this.

He brushed with his cheek against Hiccup's as an approving gesture. Hiccup smiled. He could count on Toothless for anything.

"I'm gonna go to bed, Bud. I'm beat." As if on cue, Hiccup let out a loud yawn. After getting used to Toothless' sleeping schedule, trying to stay up during most of the day for his Riders and then the night for his dragon was proving to be a difficult feat. He was tired, exhausted. For once, he longed for his bed.

Toothless seemed to agree. As Hiccup got up to his feet, the dragon pushed him forward with the flat of his head. The former chuckled as he made his way over to the furs and promptly dropped down on top of them on his back.

Lifting his leg, Hiccup undid his prosthetic before moving further up on the pile to curl up and Toothless, who had been staying up together with him, wrapped himself around the other. He was tired as well.

Hiccup smiled up to the Night Fury and received a lick on the entire right side of his face. He groaned, but it didn't wipe his grin away as he wiped the slobber off. Grabbing Toothless' chin, Hiccup briefly touched Toothless' forehead with his own and the latter closed his eyes and purred. It was their good night and their good morning.

Rolling back onto his other side, Hiccup rested his head on his arm.

He tried to close his eyes so he could sleep, but found that something was keeping him awake. Smile replaced by a frown, he couldn't stop thinking about his evening with the Riders.

He wanted to stay, he really did. This island was his home, a place for both him and his dragons where they would all be safe. It was high up, a place only those with wings could reach.

And yet, something was nagging at him. Something was bothering him and he wasn't quite sure what.

It wasn't necessarily moving back to Berk that troubled him. He wasn't so keen on doing so, but it wasn't his main concern.

Was it the realization that his life, so far, had been difficult?

He feared water because of the sheer amount of times he had nearly drowned so far. He still avoided many human settlements and even contact for all his bad experiences with them. Berk, at some point, included. His friends even compared him to a "very skittish dragon" when they thought he wasn't around to hear it. It was true that, for as much as Hiccup trusted the Riders, he was still often cautious around them.

Rolling onto his other side to face Toothless, Hiccup scooted up to him. Without a single word spoken, the Night Fury wrapped himself tighter around him. He was already half asleep, but Hiccup coming closer wasn't lost on him.

Once comfortable, Hiccup figured he should follow his lead, and yet he still found sleep to be much too far away, in spite of his exhaustion.

He didn't want to go back to Berk, he really didn't. But this wasn't his first sleepless night, even with Toothless there to keep him safe.

He had to admit, far too many stories had been engraved into both his body and mind.

49 notes · View notes

succubused · 5 years

Text

ber·serk

/bərˈzərk,bərˈsərk/ adjective out of control with anger or excitement; wild or frenzied.

Isa started to wonder if he had miscalculated.

It had been his idea. Triggered by the fact that she had already tried to use it once, and by the rage the he had seen in her during her moments of lost control, the rage he saw behind her eyes when she forgot to tug the edges of her expression back down over her face to hide it. He remembered turning, vision blurry and too saturated and too bright, blood pounding in his ears at a fever pitch to keep up with what he asked his body to do, and through the haze he had seen her, a clone of his own weapon balanced in the air behind her, practically bigger than she was. Eyes glowing, face twisted, and it was familiar. The frantic nature of her attack on Sora, the unthinking fury of it, had been familiar.

Xion had it in her, and the way she turned her face away just after the anger appeared told Isa everything he needed to know about how ashamed she was. When he had suggested, carefully, that he should be the one to teach her how to channel it, she had looked first surprised, then embarrassed.

Berserk isn’t an easy thing to control, he had said quickly in order to save her the stress of thinking of something to say. It will take some doing. But it’s a good skill to have, if you’d like it.

Her smile still broke his heart. Xion really was nothing more than a child.

“It can’t fight,” Xemnas said dismissively. “It is no longer of use to us. Dispose of it."

Vexen, locking eyes with Saïx across the circle, unable to speak without breaking his facade but equally as unable to hide the horror on his face. The look pleaded with him, once again he was being begged to do something, stop this.

You’re all that’s left, you’re all there ever was.

He shook his head. Xemnas’s words. Not his. He looked down at the puppet whose return he had facilitated, curled over on its knees. Shoulders shaking. It hadn’t been able to fight back. It hadn’t even been able to pull the weapon from the air.

“I’ll handle it.”

Five pairs of yellow eyes fixed on him and it was everything he could do not to break eye contact with Xemnas. He stared back evenly.

“I never expected you to be the sentimental type.”

“You know as well as I do that is not the case.”

Extraordinary that he had ever believed none of them felt. Even just between the five of them and the puppet the air crackled with it, the hope and fear, disgust and derision, bemusement, despair. Saïx couldn’t tell how much of any of it was his own.

Xemnas snorted. “If you wish to play with toys—”

“We are not,” Saïx interrupted coldly, “in a position to be throwing away such expensive ones. A great deal of research went into its reconstruction. With all due respect, I am not asking for your permission.”

For a moment he thought Xemnas was going to hit him. For a moment he wished he would, if only to end the charade early, but he simply blinked and turned away. Empty as always. He didn’t care. He didn’t have the capacity to.

Vexen hovered after Xemnas and the others trickled away, seeming to want to say something, but Saïx shook his head. Not now. Vexen nodded, hesitated, and mouthed thank you.

He turned to the small form on the ground before him. The two of them were alone now. He could just barely see the edges of the smooth, featureless face from behind the hood, and he shuddered.

Remember what he told you.

Saïx sank to his knees at its side and tried to pretend he was not speaking to a faceless creature with a soul he had been forced to accept the existence of largely out of faith. Lea had loved it. Her. That had to mean something.

Not it. Her.

“I’m afraid I’m no Roxas,” he murmured after a moment. “I don’t know how much I will be able to do for you when it comes to your keyblade.”

She flinched slightly at Roxas’s name but still did not raise her head.

“I can help you—Xion?” He hesitated, the name foreign on his tongue. He remembered hearing Axel and Roxas say it, over and over, until the very sound of it was a toxin to him. “It is Xion, yes?”

Slowly she turned and looked up at him and what Saïx saw made him sick for a new reason entirely.

No puppet. No blank, smooth face. A girl, couldn’t be older than sixteen, short dark hair, high cheekbones but the rounded cheeks of a child, and eyes far too haunted to belong to one as young as she appeared to be. They were still blue. Her heart was her own.

All this time, it had been her own.

He had been wrong.

Now, looking down at her sitting against the low wall with her arms around her knees, he wondered if he would be able to get through to her after all. She had barely been able to attack him, let alone draw on any kind of anger. She was pulling her punches. She was hesitating.

Isa slid down to sit beside her, and for a moment he let her stare into space, stone-faced.

“Xion—”

“Don’t,” she growled. “I’m not gonna give up.”

He smirked despite himself. She sounded like Lea. “You’re sure?”

“I don’t…it feels like…” She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry, Sa—Isa, crap, I’m sorry—”

“You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

Xion glanced up at him, but not before he hid the stricken look on his face. She didn’t need to know how much it still bothered Isa to know that people saw him and thought of his old name first, it wasn’t their fault, and for all his insistence to everyone else that they shouldn’t blame themselves for any of it, he was especially unforgiving of himself. He had invented Saïx. He had to live with what Saïx had done.

She stared up at him. “Saïx,” she said slowly.

“Yes.”

“I can’t fight.”

“I can help you,” he repeated.

“Why?”

The bluntness of the question caught him off guard. He had trouble looking directly at her, the pain on her face a punch to the gut in the way only that of a child can be. Doubly so given that he was painfully aware of how much of it he had caused.

“You…matter to someone who matters to me,” he said flatly.

“I matter,” Xion echoed.

“To him, yes.”

“Axel?”

“Lea.”

She blinked at him.

“That—it’s his real name.”

“Real?”

“From before.”

“What’s yours?”

Saïx hesitated. “Mine?”

“I’d like to know it.”

“I…” He swallowed. Tried and failed to remember the last time he had said his own name out loud. “Isa,” he said, the sound of it as unfamiliar as hers had been. “My name is Isa.”

“Isa,” Xion repeated. She rubbed a hand across her face, and he saw that it was shaking. “You always hated me.”

Saïx closed his eyes. Opened his mouth to respond before realizing he had nothing to say to that, because there was no point in explaining why, and he suspected explaining that he hadn’t hated her because he would have had to see her as a person in order to feel that way would be little comfort.

“Don’t let them see your hands shake,” he said. “Hold them together. Like this.”

She glanced down at them. “You used to sit like that.”

Saïx’s face twisted. He stayed silent.

Xion looked at him, then nodded.

“Okay,” she said. “I see.”

They weren’t all that different, in the end.

“What are you feeling?”

She looked down at her hands, folded together tightly as he had shown her back then. “I don’t know.”

“It’s all right, Xion.”

She winced at the memory of the last time someone had said that to her. Of course Isa didn’t know. He had barely even been aware of his own name. Sometimes she wondered if that was why she wanted to learn how he did it. To forget.

“Is it?” she mumbled.

“Berserker code of honor,” Isa told her. “We don’t tell on each other.”

Xion stared at him. “There’s a code of honor?”

“There is now.”

She giggled, looking like herself for a brief moment before the look faded into an equally familiar melancholy. “You’re…kind, Isa.”

He blinked. “I…”

“The whole time, and you were just…you cared too much, didn’t you?”

“I wasn’t kind to you,” Isa said flatly.

Xion frowned. “But you were still you.”

“Barely,” he muttered.

She uncurled her fists and as he had suspected, her hands shook.

“I feel like I should be happy,” Xion said, speaking too quickly as though she were afraid of losing her nerve. “We’re okay. Lea is okay. Roxas is okay. Naminé is okay. You’re okay. For the first time in my life I have everything I need to feel safe, and I still feel like—I feel like screaming. I keep remembering—and I just—I’m still scared! And I’m just angry at everyone sometimes, I don’t know why, and I don’t, it isn’t fair, it’s not—” She took a deep, shaky breath. “And that just—it makes me feel guilty. It makes me feel like I’m gonna throw up.”

Isa looked down at his own hands, noticing with some detachment that they were trembling too, and he wondered if it was really his place to be the one there for her now. If he had earned it yet. Xion’s eyes sparkled with tears, and his still-raw heart ached for her.

“Your whole life,” he began slowly. “Your whole life you were in danger. You were told your right to exist was something you had to earn. I am responsible for that. I have to live with knowing that I did this to you.”

“No, that’s not—”

He shook his head. “It is. Listen to me, Xion. You have every right to be angry. You have every right to be afraid. You were living a life—your mind may know that you’re safe now, but your heart knows fear more intimately than anything else, and it will take time to teach it a new way of being. You can’t blame yourself for that. Do you understand?”

“Do you get scared?”

Isa hesitated. “Yes,” he said after a moment. “I am afraid more often than not.”

“And Lea?”

“Yes.”

Xion stared out at the horizon, an unreadable expression on her face, knuckles white in her lap.

“I hated you,” she murmured, almost to herself. “I’m still angry at you, I think.”

Isa sighed in relief. “Well, thank goodness.”

Her head snapped up. “What?”

“I was worried you were never going to say it.”

“It’s not fair to you,” Xion said, nearly in tears again. “I know why you were—I understand now. What you were going through. So why—”

“Xion…” He rubbed his face with the back of his hand. “Just because there was a reason for something doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt you.”

“You aren’t who I thought you were.”

“And you aren’t who I thought you were.”

“I like who you are.”

“Doesn’t make what I did right.”

“But you didn’t even see my—”

“Still doesn’t make it right.”

“Isa,” she groaned, exasperated.

“You are allowed to be angry,” he repeated. “You are allowed to be hurt. Stop telling yourself otherwise. You will lose your mind.”

“You made me feel like I didn’t deserve to exist.”

The harshness of it took him by surprise, even as he recognized he had finally gotten through to her. She stared straight ahead, the poisonous flash in her eyes returning at last.

“I know,” he said as he got to his feet. He offered her a hand and she stared at it as though she thought it would electrocute her.

“You found what you needed.”

She nodded, jaw set. “Okay,” she said. “Show me.”

They stood facing one another, Isa watching her thoughtfully with his arms folded across his chest, Xion looking anywhere but at him as she clenched and unclenched her hands.

“What does it feel like?”

“Feels like there are rocks in my chest.”

“What does it make you remember?”

“Puppet,” she said through gritted teeth. “Called me a puppet.”

“Were you a puppet, Xion?”

“No. No.”

“But you never fought back.”

“What was I supposed to do?” She locked eyes with him and he saw, somewhere behind her irises, a faint glow was building. “Attack you?”

“You were helpless.”

Xion glared at him.

“So tell me,” Isa said, unfolding his arms and shifting very slightly on his feet. “Are you helpless now?”

He managed to move quickly enough to block the majority of the flurry of strikes she landed, having anticipated the timing of it all, but the sheer force behind it sent him staggering back a few feet, eyes widening in surprise. He stayed very still, the ring of keyblade on claymore still echoing across the courtyard. Xion stared at him, looking almost as shocked as furious, and the crimson glow that rippled from the edges of her form matched the light that shone from her eyes.

“Oh,” she breathed.

Isa smiled as his own eyes began to shine.

“There you are.”

He was stronger but Xion was faster, and it almost felt like sparring with Lea again, the way she outpaced him at every turn no matter how many times he repelled her. The difference being, of course, that her particular style of berserking seemed to be fueled by immunity to exhaustion. Isa had never gone up against someone who could meet him in the middle that way, and neither had Saïx for that matter.

She was strong. She was fast. She was angry.

She was terrifying, and Isa had never felt prouder.

Xion slammed her keyblade against his claymore once again, and Isa prepared to throw her off again, until he looked at the weapon for a beat longer than he had been able to before. His own fuel was beginning to run out, colors and speeds returning to normal, and he recognized, at last, what he was looking at.

His surprise made him hesitate, and his hesitation gave Xion the opening she needed to fling him back with a hit that he was certain would leave a bruise, although nothing like what Saïx had sustained at her hands back at the graveyard. For all her rage, she was under control. She had done it.

Isa barely maintained his balance, leaning on Lunatic in a motion so similar to his last concession of defeat that Xion slowed at last.

“Isa!” she yelped, rushing towards him. “I’m sorry—!”

He laughed and shook his head. “I’m all right,” he said, still out of breath. “Don’t apologize.”

They stared at each other as the unnatural light faded from their eyes, leaving blue to meet the still-unfamiliar green.

“Your keyblade,” Isa said slowly.

Xion looked down at it, raising one eyebrow as she saw. “Oh,” she murmured. “That’s new.”

It wasn’t Lunatic, more of a cousin, though close in shape and color, more muted and sleek with a half-circle striking end where his was full, but the grip her hands were still wrapped around betrayed it with little room for question. As the final traces of the berserk glow faded, they watched as it changed shape once more, turning back into the familiar plain key before disappearing.

“I always did like it,” Xion said, running her hand over one of Lunatic’s spikes. “Too big to be practical though. So this works.”

“Did you?”

She chuckled. “Yeah. It’s not like I was gonna say anything. I was terrified of you.”

“Seems as though now I ought to be the one running scared.”

“Sorry, but that—felt good.”

“Good. It does, sometimes.” He fell back against the wall and she took a seat beside him once more, looking up at the clouds stained red and gold by the setting sun.

“Should we go meet them?”

“If we don’t want to be berated for being late again.”

“We were only late last time because we were the ones buying the ice cream.”

“Of course.” Isa looked down at her, his heart suddenly heavy with an emotion he couldn’t name. “You did well, Xion.”

Xion smiled, and this time there was no sadness behind her eyes.

“Thanks.”

#kingdom hearts #xion #isa #saix #ive never written xion this much before #but you know i had to do it to em #kh3 spoilers #also if you tag this as ship stuff i will eat your spine #posts

281 notes · View notes

likeanemployee · 5 years

Text

Nightmares

White turned to red as the figure before her scattered on the breeze like flower petals. She reached out but the petals seemed to flee from her reach. When the figure had completely dissolved she collapsed in despair and the petals turned on her. They rushed her violently, filling her vision. Though she could see nothing but the red of petals the sound of wind rushed in her ears and she had a sense of the world moving, spinning, and flipping upside down. She shut her eyes tightly hoping she could make it all just go away and for a moment everything went perfectly pitch black. There was no sound, no sense of movement, nothing just a perfect empty void and then a light slowly grew and dawn arrived over the edge of a cliff. She found herself seemingly floating staring down at another figure just like the first but with a red cape instead of white. The figure kneeled over an open casket. As she watched she realized the figure was crying except they were no ordinary tears they were a deep blood red and they fell onto the body in the casket leaving bright stains in a beautiful perfectly white dress. Looking up from the stains she could just make out hair as white and pure as the dress. The dress and the hair seemed familiar but they were far away and indistinct a corner of her mind itched she knew that person but she couldn't tell who they were. The world seemed to zoom in focusing on the face slowly it gained detail a mouth, nose, eyes, a scar over one of those eyes. "Weiss!" She cried out and suddenly the whole world jerked Weiss lurched up reaching out toward her and seeming to cry out something but she couldn't hear it she was being launched away and suddenly the whole world disappeared into a tiny far way dot and Ruby jerked awake.

She sat up feeling a cold sweat covering her body and breathed deeply trying to calm herself. She had become fairly adept at dealing with nightmares she had them more regularly then anyone, even Weiss or Yang, knew but this one was particularly bad or at least unusual. The beginning was fairly familiar those images or ones like them had gone through her head on many nights and while they were still very painful repetition had made them, mostly, bearable. She could even sleep through them at least some of the time. The end though that was new and deeply unsettling.

Ruby had seen her fair share of nightmare material in her life and while she loved her mother and would never discount her importance a part of her had always wondered why her mother's death troubled her so much more then the destroy villages, the burned, mutilated and discarded bodies or the million other atrocities she had witness as a huntress. The human mind could be fickle though and there was no denying the loss of her mother had been a tragedy that defined much of her adolescence so it was hardly surprising it might cause the occasional or even frequent nightmare. Weiss though that was new and seemingly unwarranted

She looked down at her partner sleeping next to her. They had been together for years and in that time they had faced death both together and separately. It was part of their jobs as Huntresses and while Ruby would be lying if she said it didn't bother her it was something both had come to terms with and she had never had nightmares about Weiss before. It wasn't even like they had had any particularly close calls recently so why... she laid one hand gently on Weiss's arm as she thought taking confront from feeling that Weiss was there and safe. Weiss rolled over and looked up at Ruby as she felt her touch

"Oh I'm so sorry Weiss go back to sleep I didn't mean to wake you!" Ruby said as gently as she could when Weiss stirred trying not to disturb her and hoping she could quickly fall back asleep easily. Weiss just rolled all the way over and smiled a light comforting smile back at Ruby "you didn't wake me, or at least not by touching me. I don't sleep through nearly as many of your nightmares as you think" her tone was gentle and loving and that light smile remained but her eyes had an undeniable sadness behind them as she spoke. Ruby stared back speechless and a little confused after a moment Weiss explained "I know you don't want me to know about them, I'm not sure if that's because you don't want me to worry or because you think its something to be ashamed of or even just because its something you think you can handle yourself and don't want to bother me. To be fair, to some extent you do seem to handle them fairly well yourself and I try to let you have it your way because, well as ridiculous as it sounds, I didn't want you worrying about me worrying about you, but I do. I worry a lot and I want to help but I don't really know how to do that either. I’m here though and I want to help so, I don’t know, do you want to talk about it? It might help at least some.” as she spoke Weiss had sat up next to Ruby, leaned Ruby’s head against her shoulder and wrapped her arms around her.

Ruby sank into that embrace and for a while she simply sat there leaning against Weiss. She was still fairly shaken from the nightmare Weiss could tell and so she just sat and waited.... and waited holding her partner and best friend tight as she tried to process and deal with whatever it was she was dealing with. Finally, Ruby spoke quietly and without moving, still hiding deep within Weiss’s arms. “You were there.” she said simply. Weiss cocked her head slightly to get a better look at Ruby she moved slowly and deliberately trying not to disturb her nestled partner at all. She responded calmly trying not to react too much to anything so she didn’t scare Ruby away. “Is that unusual?” she asked and Ruby only nodded in response. “what happened?” she asked cautiously a little unsure if she should be encouraging Ruby to remember the events of the nightmare. “You were dead” Ruby cried and buried her face into Weiss’s chest. Weiss moved one hand to cradle Ruby’s head and held her as tightly as she could with the other, rocking slowly and whispering comfortingly “sshh shh it’s ok I’m here, I’m fine, I’m right here with you, everything is ok.” Ruby lean back just enough to see Weiss’s face and shook her head trying to smile but with tears in her eyes it only made her look even more pitiful. “I know” she choked out trying desperately to at least slow the tears “I know and I know I shouldn’t be crying, I shouldn’t feel this way. Normally I’m so good at controlling it but this time... It was you and you reached out but I couldn’t reach back and then you were gone, everything was gone and I just, I don’t know why. Why was it different? Why was it you?!?” she burst into tears falling back onto Weiss’s chest.

Weiss resumed her rocking whispering the occasional word of comfort while she tried to make sense of what Ruby had said. She had to figure out what she could do to help, what she could say, besides all these damn worthless platitudes, that would make Ruby feel better. She just felt so useless she had no Idea how to help the person she loved most in all the world. She would never leave Ruby she couldn’t think of a single thing which could stop her from being there for her in a time like this and that was something but it wasn’t enough. Every reassuring touch every comforting word felt as effective as forbidding the Atlisian winter from arriving. She’d do it, she’d tell all four seasons to shove off and demand the waves settle down too, just for good measure, if it was all she could do to help Ruby but she hated how useless she felt while she was doing it. She wanted for all the world to be able to wish Ruby’s nightmares away to take all that pain away from her. After all the good Ruby had done in her life surely she deserved at least that much but Weiss couldn’t all she could do was sit here hold Ruby and try to reassure her.

In time Ruby’s tears came to a stop, she sniffled one last time, and drew herself away from Weiss with a long cleansing breath “Thank you” she said with a smile that actually looked genuine and kissed Weiss “I love you so much.” she added laying back down “I love you too.” Weiss replied “but are you sure you’re ok? you don’t want to talk about it anymore?” Ruby smiled at her and kissed her again before drawing the blankets around her “it’s late, we need to sleep maybe in the morning” Ruby replied she sounded as though she didn’t really want to talk about it in the morning either, Weiss thought, she wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Weiss wasn’t sure how ignoring it could help but she wasn’t sure talking about was really the right solution either, maybe that would just force Ruby to relive the experience, make things worse. She wasn’t sure, maybe Yang would have some idea or maybe there was someone else she could ask. Someone on Remnant had to know something about nightmares there were certainly enough things out there to keep people up at night. In any case Ruby was right it was late and they did need to sleep so if Ruby thought it could wait Weiss supposed it could probably wait, she had been dealing with this sort of thing for years after all, but Weiss resolved herself to find out more to figure out what she could do to help the girl she loved.

#rwby #ruby rose #weiss schnee #rwby ruby #rwby weiss #whiterose #white rose #rwby whiterose #rwby white rose #rwby red like roses #nightmares #summer rose #rwby summer

79 notes · View notes

ashleyv6661 · 5 years

Text

Your Guardian Angel-Newt Scamander

Okay, here we go. I figured I’d start with this one. Fair warning, almost all of these are not finished and feature an OC of my own making.

This is literally so scary to do.

So my thought with this came from the song “Your Guardian Angel” by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. It’s not finished, but this is what I have so far. There are gaps hanging out in here of places I haven’t finished a thought yet, but that’s okay...Also, it’s long. I mean...really long...like...7,725 words long...so far. Maybe I’ll break it up later, but for now...

I guess trigger warnings should be mentioned? There’s some mention of blood and injury, nothing too dreadful though...Please let me know if there’s something else I should add.

When I see your smile

Rose Keddle was always told her smile could brighten any room. She shrugged off the compliment, blushing every time and rushing away from the situation. She wasn’t one to bask in the spotlight or even the glow of someone giving her a compliment.

Rose was always the first person to help someone in need, regardless of who they were. It didn’t matter to her. If someone needed help, she was there to provide it any way she could. Many people would take advantage of her kindness during school, and even in her adult life.

Tears run down my face I can't replace

Many times when she learned that the help she was providing one person, was to help that individual in hurting someone else, she couldn’t stop the shame and embarrassment she felt. The tears would come and she’d run off on her own. But there was always one person who would notice when she would run off, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Newt Scamander would notice, every time. He was enraptured by Rose and he couldn’t explain why. He was as enraptured with her as he was with all of his creatures he loved to study so much. Maybe it was her startling blue eyes. Or maybe it was the way her red hair seemed to sparkle in the sunlight, or the smiles she gave to everyone. Whatever it was, Newt had a difficult time keeping his eyes off of her when they were in the same room.

Newt chased after Rose when once again she hurried off, tears in her eyes, a bewildered Gryffindor unsure of what he did wrong left in her wake. Newt found her where he usually did, a scarcely used stairwell near the covered bridge.

“Rose.” Newt said softly, moving to sit next to her, throwing his bag down on the ground.

She quickly looked away from him, hiding her face in her hands. She was ashamed to be caught crying, when in reality all she wished she could do was smile to make him smile as well. Rose had always loved Newt’s shy, crooked smile he would send her.

It made Newt’s heart twinge to see Rose so upset, so out of her normal character. He gently laid a hand on her shoulder, rubbing his thumb back and forth to provide some comfort, to let her know that she’s not alone.

Rose sniffled and tried her hardest to make the tears stop falling. Sometimes she wondered why she was so kind to people she didn’t even know, to people she didn’t necessarily trust. When she first arrived at Hogwarts, it had been easier. Helping people made them feel good, which in turn helped her feel good and caused smiles to break out across people’s faces. But things changed as she got older, and people started taking advantage of her, but she still couldn’t say no.

A soft white handkerchief was pressed into her hand from next to her and Rose finally looked at the soft spoken boy sitting next to her. He gave her a small smile, to try and maybe bring one out of her as well.

“Rose, maybe...maybe you need to start learning how to say no to people who ask for your help...Maybe try and learn to trust them first?” Newt said, very unsure of his words. He knew that doing anything that wasn’t being kind to someone was difficult for Rose. It was just how she was. “I...I truly dislike seeing you crying because some bloody dimwit used you.” He confessed, his cheeks beginning to turn pink.

Rose wiped at her eyes with the handkerchief before crumpling it up in her hands and looking Newt in the eyes, her own cheeks glowing pink.

“Thank you Newt, for caring...It’s difficult to find that sometimes.” Rose said, her voice scratchy from crying. “But it’s difficult for me to turn someone in need away...But also, perhaps you’re right.” She said quietly, looking away and beginning to fidget with her hands.

“You’re a lovely person who wants to help so many people, but you also need to help and take care of yourself, Rose. All of these experiences are only going to make you stronger, but only if you learn from them. The way that I learn from my experiences with different creatures.” Newt began, trying to pep her up somewhat.

A small chuckle escaped from her light pink lips.

“You mean learning from experiences such as ‘Perhaps I shouldn’t have poked that Occamy with a stick’ or ‘Nothing to worry about! Just a small Murtlap bite!’ as the arm of your shirt is soaked in blood?” Rose mocked, a smile coming to her face.

Newt’s ears turned red as a smile graced his face as well.

“Well, maybe not those experiences in particular…” He mumbled, looking down a bit with the smile still on his face. He was elated that he was able to make Rose smile again. It was true what many people had said, her smile could brighten an entire room.

“Thank you Newt, you always know how to make me feel better.” Rose said, her voice back to its soft, soothing tone with a small smile on her lips. The tears had stopped falling and the redness was beginning to fade.

Newt only smiled and nodded, not trusting his own voice at this point. The sun was shining just so on her red hair, causing it to sparkle in the way that enraptured him so much. Was it just the sunlight, or was it simply just her?

And now that I'm strong I have figured out

How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul

As time went on at Hogwarts, Rose learned how to say no to certain individuals who asked for her help. She refused to aid in anyone’s attempt to hurt someone else. She would always help those who needed it with their homework, particularly in the Hufflepuff common room where she tended to spend most of her time.

Rose spent less time crying, and more time smiling her genuine smile while helping those who truly needed it. She had also discovered that not only could she help others by helping them study or by doing a few tasks for them, but could also help with small injuries they may get. A paper cut here, a bloody nose there, even helping with a sprained ankle. Thankfully, the matron of the school either didn’t mind or didn’t know she was working on healing spells.

Continuing to grow as she did, Rose learned how cruel and wrong the world could be. She toughened her exterior and her resolve when she said no to people, and people soon stopped trying to use her. She’d learned what Newt had asked her to, how trust people before lending her aid. She had learned to trust a few people and actually had started to form a group of friends, something she never really had, save for Newt himself.

There were many days Rose would spend her time with Newt as he studied any creature he could find near, or even in the Forbidden Forest. Rose came along to ensure he didn’t get himself too injured. On the days he did get a little more than a bite or a scratch, were the days Rose’s heart jumped into her throat.

One experience involving what looked to be just a slightly larger than normal spider turned very bad, very quickly.

“Newt, maybe you should let this one go for now...he doesn’t seem very fond of your prodding and poking…” Rose said warily, inching closer to Newt and the spider that was incredibly twitchy.

“It’ll be okay Rose, no need to worry. Look at it’s legs! The hairs are almost razor sharp! It’s incredible!” Newt said, not turning his attention away from the creature in his grasp.

Rose still wasn’t very settled by this. And soon she knew why. The creature had finally had enough of Newt’s examination and lashed out. Newt cried out in pain as the spider bit his arm and thrashed its legs to get away, causing numerous cuts and gashes to Newt’s arms, face, and even his chest.

“NEWT! Oh my god!” Rose cried, running to him and catching him before his head hit the ground. The spider scampered off quickly, happy to finally be free.

“Well, I suppose that didn’t go so well.” Newt said through gritted teeth.

“You don’t say? Goodness Newt. Here, lay still. Let me help you with this.” Rose said, trying to hide the tremor in her voice. She couldn’t voice it, but this scared her, seeing her very dear friend in this state.

Newt did as he was told, staying very still and watched with a hazy gaze as Rose removed her robes and rolled up her sleeves, readying her wand. She closed her blue eyes in concentration and started muttering different healing spells. Newt could feel as the cuts and gashes were fused back together, the blood no longer flowing from them.

Once the cuts were closed, Rose opened her eyes again and took a few deep breaths.

“Rose, are you okay?” Newt asked, moving to sit up.

“Don’t move Scamander. I’m okay.” Rose said, giving him a firm stare, before sending him a small smile. “Sometimes the healing spells tire me. But it’s nothing I can’t handle. Now let’s see about this bite…” She confided, moving her gaze to the still oozing bite on his right arm.

“Are you feeling at all light-headed? Nauseous? Cold?” Rose asked him, trying to determine if there was any venom in the bites of those spiders.

Newt was feeling light-headed, but he didn’t think it was because of the bite. He never truly realized how pretty Rose was, especially with her cheeks tinted pink from working.

“Newt! Answer the questions.” Rose said, poking his forehead to gain his attention back.

“S-sorry. No, no I’m not. I don’t believe there was any venom in the bite. I think he’s too young to have developed it yet.” Newt answered. Rose nodded and grabbed her wand again.

She held the wand over the bite and began chanting a new spell, the tip of her wand turning a warm orange, sending warming waves throughout Newt’s arm, and through his body. After a few more minutes of chanting from Rose, the bite had been closed and the glow went away, but warmth stayed with Newt.

“There. You should be all set now.” Rose said, falling to sit on the ground, feeling particularly weary.

Newt sat up and brought his knees to his chest. He rested his chin on his knees, while watching Rose. She closed her eyes and it was quite obvious how tired she was. As skilled as Rose was with healing spells and charms, some of them were still a bit advanced for her age and skill level. But that didn’t stop her from using and learning them if it meant helping, or even saving someone.

“You know, you truly are remarkable.” Newt said before his courage ran away.

Rose lazily opened her eyes to look at Newt. She rose one eyebrow while looking at him.

“How so?” She asked, moving to sit up a bit more, crossing her legs in front of her.

“Well, you know...you stay so calm, so collected in terrifying and hard situations...you are quite gifted and skilled at healing spells and charms...You are one of a kind Rose Keddle.” Newt said, cheeks beginning to burn. Rose’s own cheeks began to burn as an angry look crossed her face.

“I was absolutely terrified just now! Newt do you realize what could have happened if you were out here alone? If I hadn’t come with you? It could have been a whole lot worse! What if you hadn’t been able to make it out of the forest? Newt you are one of the only people who I truly, undeniably trust and care about. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you weren’t able to make it back!” Rose said, getting visibly upset, moving to sit on her knees. She opened her mouth to rant some more but before she could, Newt had wrapped her in his arms, hugging her closely to himself.

Shocked, it took Rose a second to comprehend what was happening. Once it registered, she happily wrapped her arms around his torso, hugging him back. This shy, awkward boy who had more of an interest in creatures than his regular studies and any friendships, meant so much to Rose. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing him, in any sense of the word.

“I’m sorry Rose. I’m sorry I scared you. I promise to be more careful in the future. I won’t be leaving you anytime soon. I promise.” Newt said, resting his chin on her head.

“You better not Newton Scamander. Because I’ll find you and it won’t be a very pretty sight.” Rose said in a timid voice, enjoying the feeling of being in Newt’s embrace.

Rose’s cheeks burned as she came to the realization that she wouldn’t mind being held like this by Newt more often. But of course, that couldn’t happen. He could never feel that way about her. And she certainly wasn’t brave enough to voice her thoughts and feelings about it to him, or anyone for that matter.

Rose wished that she could someday come out and say the feelings and thoughts that had been bubbling beneath the surface, but the thought of rejection scared her more than she’d like to admit.

Newt, unbeknownst to Rose, had the same exact feelings and fears. He wished to be the one to hold her and make her feel better every day. To chase away her fears and worries. He wanted to gallivant throughout the world with her, discovering new creatures and documenting their travels. Spending an adventure-filled life with the shy, timid, beautiful, amazing woman Rose was turning into. But he feared her rejection more than he feared being bit by a large spider.

Perhaps one day, they would realize their feelings for each other.

And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

And then the unthinkable happened. Something so terrible, Rose still had a hard time believing it.

Newt was expelled from Hogwarts. Rose’s best friend, a person she had become so incredibly close to, trusted with everything she was, had been expelled from school, for something he did not do. Newt was too kind of a person, and took the fall for someone else. And it almost cost him everything.

Professor Dumbledore stood up for him, and he was allowed to keep his wand, but could no longer continue his education at Hogwarts. Which, in a way was great for Newt. He was able to continue his studies in magical creatures instead. But he knew he was leaving something even greater behind. Rose Keddle. He knew how alone she was going to be, how heart broken. But this was a decision he made and he had to live with it.

He was given the opportunity to say goodbye to his friends, and especially to Rose.

Rose waited for him outside in the abandoned stairwell by the covered bridge, so that there wouldn’t be any prying eyes. She tried so hard to keep her tears hidden as she waited for Newt to come.

“Rose…” A timid, sad voice hit her ears. She whipped around, seeing a very crestfallen Newt standing in the archway.

“Newt…” Was all Rose could get out before the tears started falling. Newt said nothing, only opened his arms for her, and she rushed to him, wrapping her arms around his middle, as he put one hand on the back of her head and held her close to him.

“I’m so sorry Rose. I didn’t do this to hurt you. I promise. Oh Rose you are such a lovely person and I have been so lucky to have this time with you.” Newt said as he began to rock them back and forth.

“Newt, this isn’t goodbye. Don’t say this is goodbye. We’ll see each other again. We can stay in contact through owls. This isn’t goodbye.” Rose said, her voice thick with tears.

Newt chuckled and held her tighter.

“Of course. Of course Rose. I can’t wait to tell you of all my adventures.” He said, pulling back to look into Rose’s blue eyes.

She smiled at him, and even though their moods may be dismal, it still lit up her face, and the room they were in. It was a truly magical ability, Newt thought to himself.

“I want to go with you one day.” Rose told him, not removing her hands from his sides. He grinned at her and nodded furiously.

“Yes, yes I would like that very much Rose Keddle.” Newt said to her.

Rose’s heart was pounding. Did she tell him?

Newt’s heart was in his throat. Should he say anything?

“Rose...I want you to know...that I will make this up to you...You are so special, such a special girl. So special to..to me. You mean...well what I mean to say is...you mean a great, great deal to me.” Newt stumbled and stuttered through his words before Rose put a finger to his lips.

Her face was beaming with the smile she shared, eyes alight with happiness and excitement.

“Newt, you mean the world and more to me. You are the best friend I could have ever asked for, and this next year and a half of schooling could not go by faster. I look forward to hearing about all of your adventures, and...I’ll prove to you when I am done here, that I’ll be worth taking on your adventures with you.” Rose said, never once leaving Newt’s eyes.

Newt could feel his cheeks burning and he nodded at Rose. He looked forward to this next adventure, and even more so to the adventure of having Rose with him.

“I’m sure you will. But now, I have to go. I don’t want you to get in trouble as well. Stay safe, stay strong Rose Keddle.” Newt said, bringing her in for another hug. Rose tightly wrapped her arms around him, never wanting to let go.

“Stay safe Newton Scamander. Use those healing spells well.” Rose said just above a whisper before kissing Newt on the cheek, taking him by surprise.

Rose stepped back from him, a smile on her face as she continued to back away, knowing that if she stayed she would never let Newt leave. There was still too much unsaid, too much unknown between the two of them. But now was not the time.

Newt’s smile reached from ear to ear as he took one last look at the beautiful smiling face of Rose Keddle. Her vibrant red hair, her brilliant blue eyes. He committed the look to memory before forcing himself to turn away and leave the school grounds.

I will never let you fall (let you fall)

I'll stand up with you forever

Dearest Rose,

In case you never learned this in school, rain forests are incredibly hot. And very easy to get lost in. Also, it rains quite a bit. I suppose that makes sense with the name. The creatures here are so strange. Their habits, it’s difficult to make sense of them. But they are beautiful, and so unique. I wish you could see them.

I have acquired a new little creature that causes me more headaches than I’m willing to admit. It’s called a Niffler, and the little bugger loves anything that’s shiny. I’m sure we studied them in school, but to see one in the real world, it’s exhilarating. He escapes my case no matter how hard I try to keep him in. It’s quite frustrating, perhaps you’ll have an idea of how to keep him in there?

Your healing spells have become invaluable to me out here in the field. Earning the trust of creatures is as difficult as I thought it would be, but so worth it in the end.

Only a few more weeks until you’ve graduated, yes? I look forward to finally seeing you again. These letters are wonderful, but nothing compared to a true conversation with you.

I know that exams are coming up, and how stressed you can get around this time. Don’t let it get to you too much Rose. Take time for you, help yourself while you are busy helping others. I’m so proud of who you’ve become throughout the years. You are a beautifully strong individual and I’ll always be here to listen to you, for anything you may need...I mean anything Rose. Anyways...

I hope your studies are going well, and the terrible boys at that school have gotten the hint to leave you alone finally.

I miss you

I hope you are doing well Rose. Talk to you soon.

--Newt Scamander

Rose couldn’t stop the grin that came over her features as she read Newt’s latest letter to her. She looked over the small drawings he had sent as well of different creatures he had discovered. One of her favorites being the tiny Bowtruckles he discovered in Southern Germany. He wasn’t wrong, she was stressing as exams loomed ever closer.

Rose hadn’t picked a career to go into, as she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do. She knew two things; she loved to help people and she had an affinity for healing charms and even healing potions. But she had no interest in becoming a matron or a doctor at St. Mungos. She couldn’t bear the thought of being stuck behind doors all day.

Rose did begin looking into healing spells and charms for magical creatures, her search coming up very close to empty, as not much research had been done on the topic. She had been considering asking Newt what he thought about her doing her own research when she traveled with him, but didn’t want to burden him with this thought as he was dealing with potentially dangerous creatures.

Rose did take his advice to heart, making sure to leave time to take care of herself amidst helping her peers study for their finals as well. She studied hard and often, making sure to attend the last few of her classes. She kept Newt’s letters with her in her bag, reading them when she needed encouragement. It wasn’t the same as having his shy, crooked smile accompanying his encouraging words, but it would have to do for now.

Finally when Rose had a moment alone in the common room, the fire dying as a few stragglers were studying away, did she pull out some parchment and her quill and ink to write a new letter to Newt.

My darling Newt,

Your letters continue to raise me up and give me the strength and encouragement I need to continue my studies, instead of trying every attempt to run off and join you in your adventures. They sound absolutely thrilling!

I love hearing about all the wonderful creatures you’ve found. So far my favorites are the Niffler and the Bowtruckles, which are incredibly adorable by the way. I wish I had a solution to your Niffler popping out of your case so often. Maybe I can sneak in a bit of research among my studying.

I’ve been doing other research as time goes on as well, you know, to maybe figure out what I want to do, career-wise. It’s been difficult, I haven’t found anything that suits me very well. Perhaps you can lend your insight? Although please don’t let it distract you as you are out in the field, the less you get hurt the better. I’m glad to hear the healing spells are treating you well! I’ve sent a few potions with this owl, I hope these are helpful also!

I’ve been looking into healing spells and charms and potions that can potentially be used on magical creatures. There isn’t much research on this topic...I’ve been wondering if it’s something worth looking into when I travel with you? I mean...if that’s still something you would like to happen, of course.

Those boys have given up bothering me, realizing that I truly had no interest in whatever it was they were trying to offer. Also, I have far too much studying and research to do to waste my time with them.

I hope you are doing well out in the field Newt, I worry about you being out there alone. Make sure you’re eating! I won’t have you falling away to nothing Mr. Scamander.

I also hope you know how proud of you I am. I am so proud you are pursuing all of your dreams. You are becoming such a wonderful man and individual Newt. I’m happy to be a part of your wonderful life. Just know, I support you Newt. I’m always here for you. Always.

I’m counting down the days until I am done with school! So soon Newt, so soon!

Please take care, very good care of yourself and your wonderful creatures.

I miss you

Until next letter,

--Rose Keddle

I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)

Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Dearest Rose,

I hope this letter finds you well. Things have been getting...difficult to say the least. I could really use your guidance and support and one of your dazzling smiles. I’ve reached a bit of an impasse in my research with the creatures in Scandinavia. As interesting as they may be, they are not creatures of any habit that I have been able to discern as of yet. It’s really quite frustrating.

As far as the research you wish to pursue, I think it’s a wonderful idea! There isn’t much about healing magical creatures because most witches and wizards would rather have the creatures killed and taken care of that way. When in reality, most of these creatures are harmless if you know just the simplest things about them! Take Hippogriffs for example, if you already know that they are proud creatures, and know to respect their space and not just rush to meet them, you won’t run the risk of them attacking!

Honestly, I believe I want to publish a book about magical creatures. How to protect them, care for them, understand them even. A bit ambitious, don’t you think? But I think it would be beneficial for people to have…

By now, you should be just about done with your examinations, and on your way to graduation! I’m proud of you Rose. But more than that, I’m excited to see you again. Of course I still want you to accompany me on my adventures. There is no one else I would want with me.

We must arrange a time and place to meet. Somewhere in Britain, of course.

My dearest Rose, I can’t tell you how excited I am that you are graduating at last. These past two years have been difficult, but I’m glad to have had your support through all of it. I’m glad that you’ve been there for me. It means a great deal to me.

You mean the world to me.

To seeing you soon,

—Newt Scamander

Rose held the letter close to her, closing her eyes as she imagined Newt, hunched over a desk writing the letter to her, a look of distress on his face as he told her about his frustrations. How she wished she could be there to help him now, but she knew it would happen soon. She had one more exam before her schooling would be complete, and she was more than ready to join Newt out in the world.

Her parents were well aware of her plans for after graduation, and were willing to support her, given that she wrote them every now and then. Rose happily agreed to their terms and scribbled a quick note that day to Newt to let him know that she would definitely be joining him on his adventures.

Amidst all of the studying for exams, Rose didn’t have much time for her own personal research. It bothered her, but she wanted to do well on her last exam, and wanted to help others to achieve the same. When she had the chance, she asked the Care of Magical Creatures professor for suggestions on books to get concerning what she wanted to study. The list was short, but Rose would take anything at this point.

When Rose’s last examination was done, and she was finally able to relax for what felt like the first time ever, did she sit down to write hopefully the last letter to Newt before she saw him again.

My darling Newt,

Oh Newt, I have finally finished all of my exams as I write this to you. All of them! No more homework, no more tests, no more school! Now, I can focus on my research while adventuring with you. I have been waiting for this day for so long, and I can’t wait to see you again.

I can’t express how lonely it’s been at school since you left, but I did it! And I did it with your unwavering support of my studies. I don’t think I would have been able to finish if you hadn’t pushed me so hard to stay and study.

And Newt, of course I support you and everything you are doing. I’m sorry you’ve reached such a dead end, but perhaps taking a break from the environment will do you good? Who knows, you may learn something about those creatures from other creatures! We will just have to wait and see.

A book! That’s a FANTASTIC idea Newton! I agree with you, the public should be educated about these creatures. Not all of them are dangerous, especially if you know what to look for. I hope we are able to make a difference in the mind of others with the research we do. Mostly your research of course…

Now as for when and where to meet, June 20 at 1:00 PM, at Kings Cross Station in London, the entrance of Platform 9 ¾.

You had best be there Newt. I promise I will be.

I will be there no matter what.

You will never understand how much you mean to me

To seeing you in two weeks,

--Rose Keddle

Rose quickly ran up to the owlery, found her tawny messenger owl, gave the message to her and sent her on her way for the last time.

Rose had never felt quite so giddy before. She was more than ready to reunite with her best friend and accompany him on all of his adventures. She was ready to get him out of trouble, see all of his accomplishments, learn and grow with him as she studied her own field of magical creatures.

Rose would stand by his side, no matter the cost, or the mutual feelings between them, even if it was the last thing she did.

He meant the world to her. He truly did, and Rose wanted to tell him how she felt about him, but was far too shy to ever do anything of that sort. For now, she was content with being able to see him again.

Newt kept Rose’s letters close by at all times. He re-read them often when he was feeling particularly lonely or frustrated. They calmed him and made him feel connected to the human world on days he felt more like an animal, or days where he spent more time in his case rather than out of it.

Rose’s letters helped him get through more days than he was willing to admit. He always had a huge smile on his face every time her owl would find him, wherever he happened to be in the world at that time. He had stayed mostly in the continent of Europe, choosing to study the creatures closest to him first, before he moved on to the rest of the world. He also wanted to save some of the more exciting locations to explore with Rose.

He thought about her daily. Her striking blue eyes and sparkling red hair...he could still picture the way she looked the day he had left Hogwarts. Her eyes held tears but she smiled for him as he walked away. She was sad that he was leaving, but happy for him at the same time. He remembered the tint of pink in her cheeks and the way the breeze blew her hair off her shoulders. She was always beautiful to Newt, but for that moment, it was the most beautiful he had ever seen her.

The moment he received Rose’s letter, a grin spread across his face and his heart started pounding. He drank in every word and his heart almost stopped when he saw that she actually had put down a date and time.

“June 20...I’ll be there Rose Keddle. I promise.” He murmured to himself, eyes still rereading the letter. The only thing able to break him away from the letter was Pickett who tapped him repeatedly on the cheek.

“All right all right you little pest. I get it, you’re hungry.” Newt said to the Bowtruckle who gave a squeak in response.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay

June 20 finally rolled around. The excitement surging through Newt’s body was tangible, all of the creatures could feel the excitement pouring off of Newt as he tended to them in the morning. They were a bit more rowdy this morning, but Newt didn’t mind. After close to two years, he would finally have Rose back by his side. He would finally have his closest, most trusted friend with him again. He would get to see her stunning smiles that could brighten even most dark of places and be able to look into her crystal blue eyes. He continuously kept checking the time, watching as the hour hand slowly crept towards 1:00.

Rose bounced around her room at her childhood home, packing clothes, books, parchment, quills, ink, a cauldron and potion ingredients and necessities. Anything she could think of that she might need during this adventure. She was sure to try and limit the amount of shiny things she brought, particularly jewelry, so as to not entice the Niffler. She decided to use her Hogwarts trunk to pack all of her things, she could always shrink it to carry it easier. She was glowing with how excited she was to be seeing Newt again.

Rose couldn’t wait to see his cute, lopsided smile. His beautiful blue-green eyes and curly brown hair. Just the thought of seeing his freckled face brought a blush to Rose’s cheeks. Even after all this time, she still had certain feelings toward Newt that she had yet to admit to anyone else. She briefly wondered if he had met anyone else during his travels, but quickly pushed the thought away. It didn’t matter anyways. Newt was her friend first and foremost. Rose watched the clock as time slowly passed by as she spent the last few hours with her parents. They were proud of her, but wary of her travels. But Rose wouldn’t take no for an answer, she was going and that was that. 1:00, please come faster.

At 12:50 Rose stood up from talking with her parents and hugged them both goodbye. “Take care.” They told her, she promised she would. Her heart was pounding as she put her traveling cloak around her shoulders, tucked her wand in her pocket and grabbed her trunk. She waved to her parents as she apparated away to a secluded part of Kings Cross station.

It took everything in her not to run to the meeting place, trying to appear as normal as possible as she pulled her trunk behind her. Rose’s eyes darted from side to side as she looked anywhere for that familiar head of bouncy brown curls. She quickly came to the meeting place, heart still pounding in her chest even though Newt wasn’t there yet. She looked up at the nearby clock. 12:58. Newt always had a knack for being exactly on time. She hoped that hadn’t changed.

Rose anxiously bounced on her toes as she looked this way and that. The two minutes felt like an eternity to her.

Newt hurried to climb out of his case, seeing that the time was 12:55. He knew Rose would be waiting for him, she had a talent of always being a few minutes early. He closed his case, grabbed the handle and stood. He took a quick second to fix his jacket and vest before apparating to King’s Cross station himself. His heart was in his throat as he moved through the crowds of people towards platform 9¾.

Then, he saw her. Nervously bouncing, causing her red hair to bounce with her, her blue eyes searching the crowds. He stopped in his tracks as a huge smile crossed his features. She was as beautiful as ever and she was here, waiting for him.

Rose took another look at the crowds before she stopped on a familiar, lanky character with brown curls and stunning blue eyes. Blue eyes that were staring straight at her. She couldn’t stop the smile that came, along with the tears that sprang to her eyes. Newt came. He kept his promise and he came.

Newt took a few steps forward before placing his case down on the ground. Rose wasted no time running to him, wrapping her arms around his neck as he wrapped his arms around her middle. They were laughing, they were crying, they were happy. Newt picked Rose up and spun her around in the air, the grin on his face hurting his cheeks, but he didn’t dare stop smiling now.

“You actually came.” Rose said to him once he placed her back on the ground.

“Of course I did, Rose Keddle. Anything for you.” Newt said to her, watching as her cheeks turned pink from the compliment.

“Shall we then?” He asked her and she nodded furiously, moving out of his grip to grab her trunk, he moved to grab his case.

“Is that the case with all your wonderful creatures?” Rose asked as she stood next him.

“Oh yes. I can’t wait for you to see them all. They’re very rowdy today however.” Newt told her as they walked out of King’s Cross Station together, side by side.

Everything felt okay, everything felt right again.

Seasons are changing

And waves are crashing

And stars are falling all for us

Mom and dad,

The world is huge! There is so much to see and I feel as though I’ll never have the time to see it all. Newt and I are currently in the forests of Finland, scouting out some curious creatures that I can’t spell the name of. But Newt I’m sure could. He’s truly brilliant you know. He’s helped me gain more of an understanding of my own field of research I’ve decided to pursue.

These creatures are amazing, I’ve included...

Days grow longer and nights grow shorter

I can show you I'll be the one

The work soon became very exhausting. In Newts case we had acquired several different species, both aquatic and land creatures, even some pixies. They all required attention and to be fed and to be studied. And Rose needed to heal more than a few. Some of the creatures they had acquired were creatures that were rescued from traffickers, or creatures who were found hurt in the wild.

Rose did everything she could to heal the creatures from using and modifying spells to using potions. Newt had helped her find several different plants and herbs that grew in the wild that could be useful for potions and salves. It was a wonderfully close working relationship, and the two fed off of each others energy.

There were many a night when the two would fall asleep in the case over their notes and manuscripts. They would wake the next morning with stiff necks and sore backs, giggle at each other and promise not to do it again.

“We really need to stop doing this Newt. It’s definitely not good for our health.” Rose would say, her cheeks flushed when she would look at a disheveled and sleepy Newt. Was he always this adorable?

Newt would chuckle and agree, both knowing it wouldn’t be the last night they did this. Rose would pull out a small mirror she kept near her workstation and fix up her hair so she didn’t look like one of the creatures they were caring for. Newt would watch in silence, wrapped up in watching her hair shimmer in the dim light and the way her eyes were half shut with sleep. Had she always been this cute?

Some days went better than others. But some days were downright terrible.

“Uh Rose? I think I need your help…” Newt muttered, wobbling towards Rose who was checking on a Mooncalf’s injured leg. Rose looked up and couldn’t stop the gasp that came from her lips.

Newt was holding his arm, blood pouring from it and skin bubbling as though it had been burnt.

“Merlin’s beard Newt! What did you do? Sit down sit down! Now!” Rose fettered, rushing away from the Mooncalf enclosure over to Newt as he sat on the steps leading to the Occamy’s and Bowtruckle’s.

“Did you get in a tussle with the Erumpent or something? Goodness gracious Newton!” Rose asked, moving his hand away from his injured arm so she could look at it.

“Well...something like that...She doesn’t like being pet...don’t pet her.” Newt said, leaning his head on the staircase railing, closing his eyes.

“Newt stay awake or I promise I’ll kill you next.” Rose said sharply, pulling her wand out.

“Yes Miss Keddle…” Newt muttered, opening his eyes and watching her work. Before she cast any healing spells, she summoned her stock of healing potions and set them down next to Newt.

Rose looked through the different potions looking for a specific one. She grabbed a softly glowing purple potion and handed it to Newt before grabbing a red sparkling potion.

“Drink half of that potion, it’ll stop the burning. This isn’t going to tickle.” Rose instructed, watching as Newt nodded and tipped back the contents of the bottle. He gritted his teeth as the stinging sensation of the potion went down his throat, followed by a look of brief relief as he placed the bottle down next to him before Rose poured the red potion over his arm.

It took everything within him not to shout in pain, instead he let out a loud gasp, gripping the railing with his good hand.

“I’m sorry Newt, I’m sorry. I know it hurts. It’ll be gone in a minute, it’s almost healed.” Rose muttered, not taking her eyes off of Newt’s arm. She watched as the blisters healed and the cuts disappeared. Sadly, it did leave a few scars. Sometimes the magic in her potions wasn’t completely strong enough to rid the body of a scars. She tried, and tried, but it didn’t always work out with the magic from the creatures also.

Soon enough Newt’s arm was healed and there was only a small amount of the red potion left that Rose put away. Rose then took both of Newt’s hands into her own as she looked up into his eyes. He looked weary but thankful.

“Newt, we really need to talk about your destructive tendencies. You really need to stop injuring yourself so much.” Rose told him lightly, a smile playing at her lips.

Newt chuckled before squeezing her hands and sitting up more.

“I’m sorry Rose. I know it worries you. One day I’ll get the hang of this and won’t be needing you to heal me every other day.” He joked, smiling at her.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily Scamander. Whether you need me to heal you or not you can’t get rid of me.” Rose said, a smirk on her lips. Newt let out a real laugh this time, bringing a genuine smile to Rose’s face.

“I would never think of getting rid you Rose Keddle. You are too dear to me.” Newt said, not missing the way Rose’s cheeks glowed red at his compliment. Rose smiled at him before standing, removing her hands from Newt’s.

“Right..Now then, to bed with you. And not at your desk this time Mr. Scamander. Actual bed upstairs and out of this case.” Rose ordered, helping the lanky man stand. He only grumbled a vague ‘Yes ma’am,’ before walking over to the hut. He stopped at the door, like he meant to say something. He wanted to tell her to come with him, but stopped himself and hurried away out of sight.

Rose sighed watching after him. Newt Scamander was a mystery and a challenge to Rose. She still battled with the feelings she had for him.

#newt scamander #newt scamander x oc #fbawtf #fanfiction #songfic #please be kind?#literally terrified rn #newt x oc #newt x reader #newtxreader #newtxoc #fantastic beasts

6 notes · View notes

crimefightingspiderguy · 5 years

Text

raindrops

Summary: @literal-marvel-trash requested a Bruce Banner imagine showing his depression and suicidal thoughts. (NOTE: I’ve left out the suicidal thoughts part due to it being triggering to not only myself but others.)

Warnings: Maybe triggering, but I tried my best to make it as little as possible. Definitely spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War

Pairings: Bruce Banner x Platonic!Reader, Peter Parker x reader

Word count: 1,963

A/N: I really hope you enjoy this, it was interesting writing something like this since I usually try to write fluff. This is also my first writing for Bruce, so I hope it’s alright. Sorry I added my own little twist of talking about more than just Bruce’s depression. I wanted to bring in Infinity War and I figured most of the Avengers are depressed after it, so hopefully, this works.

Bruce had woken up covered in a thin layer of sweat and with a racing heart. He sat up, leaning on the headboard of his bed. Bringing his knees up into his chest and resting his head on top of them, he let out a long sigh of relief. The nightmares have only gotten worse since the snap. Before he seemed to only get them when he had turned into the Hulk earlier that day, but now they were every night. Knowing he wasn’t going to be falling back asleep anytime soon, he walked down to the living room with the plan of sitting down and just watching some mind-numbing T.V.

When he got there, he was surprised to not be alone. It was currently 2 in the morning so he expected everyone in the tower to be asleep, but not (Y/N). She was sitting on the couch, blankly staring at the turned off T.V.. Bruce carefully walked around to her, making his presence noticeable so he wouldn’t scare her. “I love this show.” Bruce jokingly said, motioning to the black screen. (Y/N) managed a laugh as best as she could, and Bruce sat next to her. “Couldn’t sleep?” Bruce asked (Y/N). “I haven’t slept in a week.” (Y/N) sighed, “Well, I guess that’s a lie, I’ve “slept” but it’s always interrupted with a nightmare.” Bruce nodded, understanding her pain. “Me either kid.”, Bruce said patting her shoulder trying his best to comfort her. “What is it for you?” (Y/N) asked him. He shrugged, “Mostly the battle in Wakanda. If I had just turned into the Hulk, maybe… maybe people would still be alive.”, a tear slowly slid down Bruce’s cheek. “Hey, don’t do that to yourself.” (Y/N) said, turning and giving him his full attention. “How can I not? We will never know if I could’ve done something more. It’s my fault that Peter’s gone, I’m sorry (Y/N).”. (Y/N) flinched hearing Peter’s name. “We don’t know that he’s gone. For all, we know him and Tony are on their way back to Earth right now.” (Y/N) said, trying to convince herself more than Bruce. “What are yours about?” Bruce wiped his cheek, trying to change the subject. “Peter.” (Y/N) sighed. “What about him?” Bruce asked. “They start out really good, it’s usually just memories of me and him. Then they slowly turn into us fighting Thanos together, or him leaving me to go with Tony, or him randomly disappearing like everyone else.” (Y/N) shuddered thinking about it. “I’m sorry (Y/N),” Bruce said again. “Stop apologizing to me. You lost people too. You’re a victim too. You don’t always have to be the “strong” one. You can feel pain and hurt, it’s valid.” (Y/N) looked him in the eyes, trying to get her point across. Bruce just shook his head, “It’s hard to think this is anyone’s fault but mine, which means I shouldn’t feel anything but guilt.”, tears began welling up in his eyes again, breaking (Y/N)’s heart. ��Look, Bruce,” (Y/N) sighed, trying to gather her thoughts was rather hard with how sleep deprived she was. “Not a single person is to blame, especially not you. The only one who is to blame is Thanos. This shouldn’t have been our fight, it’s not fair that he made it ours, but he did. What happened, was entirely his fault. No one else’s, so don’t continue to beat yourself up about this because damnit the only one who we should be pissed at right now is Thanos. Not ourselves.”

“Thank you (Y/N).” Bruce forced a smile, but it looked strange and unconvincing with the tear brimming over his eyes. “Come here, I wanna show you something.” (Y/N) got up off the couch and held her hand out for Bruce to take it. He did and allowed her to guide him to whatever it was she wanted to show him. She took him down to the basement, where Tony’s workshop was located. It looked different now, it was covered in paper from ceiling to floor. (Y/N) opened up the door and took Bruce inside. Bruce looked around, confused as to what he was looking at. “This is what I’ve been doing every day since the snap.” (Y/N) said, looking ashamed. “What is all this?” Bruce walked over to the walls and looked at some of the papers. “It’s every possible way that we could fix this, at least that I could think of.” (Y/N) walked up to a particular plan and pulled it off the wall, bringing it over to Bruce. “I even brought up time travel.” (Y/N) chuckled at herself. “Why are you showing me this?” Bruce asked, wondering if she had a solid plan all the sudden. “I wanna show you my time travel plan, to show you that this isn’t your fault and that no one thinks it is beside you.” (Y/N) handed the plans over to him and he skimmed over them. “You want to go back to the Battle of New York?” Bruce asked her, confused. (Y/N) nodded, “That’s where it started, that’s where the Avengers first interacted with Thanos. Granted, it was indirectly through Loki, but still. If you look, it says nothing about changing any of your actions.” (Y/N) showed him the part where she said exactly what she needed to change. “I wrote this plan in a sleep-deprived state, and I definitely would’ve written down anything my subconscious was thinking. If deep down, I truly believed you to be the cause, I wouldn’t have left that out.”. Bruce smiled again, this time a more genuine one. He looked up at (Y/N), pulled her into a hug and whispered in her ear “Thank you, I needed this.”. (Y/N) patted his back, “I know you did.” When they pulled away, (Y/N) said “Now, go get some sleep. If you ever need to talk about this stuff again, you know where to find me.” Bruce nodded and began to leave to head back to his room. He stopped when he got to the door, hearing (Y/N) throw her papers to the ground.

He turned back to look at her, “What’s up (Y/N)?”. “I just remembered something! This will help us find where Peter and Tony are!” Bruce perked up and walked back into the room. “What is it?” “FRIDAY…” (Y/N) commanded, clearing off one of the many screens she had covered in paper. “Yes, Miss (Y/L/N)?” “Play the last “baby monitor” footage you recorded from Peter’s suit on computer 4.” “Okay.” FRIDAY then projected a video on the computer showing him arriving at the fight, with Thanos’ goons, with (Y/N) while they were still in New York. “FRIDAY, fast-forward.”, it then skipped to the part where Peter was being beamed up to the ship with Doctor Strange. It showed (Y/N) on the ground yelling inaudibly after Peter. “The last time he saw me… it looks like I didn’t even try to help him. Stark yelled at me to stay put. It took everything in me to not chase him.” (Y/N) shook her head sadly. “I’m sure he knows (Y/N)” Bruce attempted to comfort her. (Y/N) returned her attention back to the screen when she saw Peter suddenly falling off the side of the ship due to lack of oxygen. “Oh my god, tell me that’s not how he died. The idiot.” (Y/N) shook her head, eyes wide at the scene. She let out a sigh of relief when Tony’s new suit saved him. She and Bruce continued watching, leading them to find out that they went to Thanos’ home planet. (Y/N) realized something, this video was different compared to his old suit’s. “Hey FRIDAY, why is this video switching between eye level and being lower?” “The new model of Peter’s suit has the baby monitor camera programmed into both his mask and his chest so that when his mask comes off, the recording isn’t cut off.” (Y/N) nodded, “Smart, every time Peter wanted to do something stupid in his suit without Tony knowing, he would take off his mask.” Bruce laughed a little at that. They returned to the footage and watched Tony, Peter and Doctor Strange fight these people who call themselves the “Guardians of the Galaxy”. They watched them team up, create a plan, then fight Thanos. When Tony got stabbed, both Bruce and (Y/N) gasped and jumped back a little. “Oh my god, is Tony dead?” Bruce asked. They both sighed in relief when they Strange saved him, but instantly regretted it when he handed over the time stone. Yes, they wanted Tony safe, but why did Strange quickly give up the time stone for a man he barely knew? “That doesn’t make sense.” Bruce and (Y/N) said simultaneously. Thanos then left, leaving them all alone on the foreign planet. “This must be when he came to Earth since he already had the time stone.” (Y/N) pointed out, Bruce nodded to agree. “Alright guys, pack it up, head back to the ship and come home.” (Y/N) encouraged. “(Y/N)… the ship is destroyed.” Bruce said, “Yeah, but one of the other goons has to have something, how else did they get there.”, Bruce shrugged. They then saw Peter helping Tony up. “Something’s happening” someone off camera said. (Y/N) grabbed Bruce’s arm, “This is it, the snap happened.” They then saw a couple of the Guardians disappear, followed by Strange. They then heard Peter’s voice, sounding in pain and scared, “Mr. Stark?” “No…” (Y/N) whispered and shook her head, tears forming. Tony turned around to look at Peter, who Bruce and (Y/N) assumed was stumbling because the camera was shaking all the sudden. “I don’t feel so good.” “You’re alright,” Tony said, sounding unconvinced. “I don’t… I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know…” Peter then fell forward onto Tony, cutting off their camera view. “FRIDAY, pause the video,” Bruce said, wanting to pull (Y/N) out of there. “NO! FRIDAY, play the video”, she wanted to know. “I don’t want to go, sir. Please.” (Y/N) winced, hearing the pain in his voice. “Please, I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go.” Peter and Tony fell to the ground and the last thing they heard before the camera got cut off was “I’m sorry.”. (Y/N) fell to her knees tears silently falling down her cheeks. “Kid…” Bruce got down to her level and tried to comfort her. “It’s gonna be okay, we’re gonna find a way to undo this. We’re going to bring him back.”

“This is all my fault. If I had just ignored Stark, I could’ve followed them. Maybe I could’ve helped them fight Thanos. Maybe I could’ve taken Peter’s place…” (Y/N) shook her head sadly. “(Y/N), you just got done telling me how this was no one’s fault besides Thanos. You need to believe that.” Bruce said. “How can I when I just watched my best friend die, and I did nothing to stop it.” (Y/N) said. “You didn’t do nothing. You fought Thanos with us.” Bruce rubbed her back, trying his best to calm her down. (Y/N) took in a deep breath, “Sitting here and crying won’t bring Peter back… it won’t bring any of them back.” she mumbled. Bruce nodded, “Maybe we could look over these plans together since neither of us seems to be able to sleep.” he lightly laughed. (Y/N) sniffled, nodded her head and stood up, “Let’s get to work.”.

Find more of my work here.

My work is exclusively posted on Tumblr by me, on this blog. If you see my work posted elsewhere, please reach out to me.

Thank you, xx.

#bruce banner #hulk #the incrediable hulk #bruce banner fanfic #bruce banner imagine #bruce banner fandom #the avengers #Avengers assemble #avengers imagine #avengers #avengers infinity war #infinity war spoilers #infinity war #peter parker spiderman #spiderman #peter parker #guardians of the galaxy #Thanos #doctor strange

12 notes · View notes

robininthelabyrinth · 7 years

Text

Unexpected Development - Chapter 8

Fic: Unexpected Development - Chapter 8 (AO3 Link)

Fandom: Flash Pairing: Mick/Len/Barry, Mick/Len (associated Mick/Barry, Barry/Len) Chapter 8 for Unexpected Development (Len)

Summary: “Sorry, kid,” Len says, sounding – and likely even being, knowing Len – sincere. “We gotta run, and it looks like you’re coming with us for a bit.”

“Oh crap,” the kid (Barry Allen, he said his name was) says.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Can you disarm the bombs in this area?” Len asks Charlie, nimbly evading the way Charlie keeps reaching out for his arm like he wants to link hands together. Like they’re on some sort of date.

Which – maybe in Charlie’s dreams. No way.

“I can do that for you, Len,” Charlie says, eyes shining.

“Good,” Len says. “I’ll go disarm the rest of ‘em in this area, tell the boys I’m double-checking them or something, and then I’ll –” ditch the hell out of you “– see what to do next.”

Charlie pouts. “I worry about you sometimes, Len,” he says. “You work too hard. Too much stress.”

“I thought you were supposed to stress meat,” Len says, because he can’t help himself sometimes.

“Only after it’s been prepared,” Charlie says indulgently. “See, this is why I like you so much – maybe we can discuss it at length later –”

Yeah, no.

Len makes his excuses to Charlie and then double-times it through his set of bombs – it takes barely any time at all, the bombs being almost pathetically easy to defuse – then head westward. He’s certain that Mick can keep an eye on Allen and Allen had definitely seemed smart enough to handle a few bombs; between the two of them, he can trust that that section will be handled, and Charlie – well, he doesn’t have to like Charlie to admit that, cannibalistic instincts aside, Charlie’s not totally incompetent. He’s certainly capable of handling the bombs, and he has no reason to double-cross Len.

Besides, Charlie knows how Len deals with people who double-cross him. He wouldn’t dare.

At any rate, the bombs are even more stupidly made than he’d hoped they might be. It has to be a Flash trap: even if the Flash wasn’t particularly expert with bomb defusing techniques, a voice in his ear could walk him through the basics - sure, there's a whole lot of them, but he could disable them all if he ran at top speed, or maybe a little faster, which fits in with Len's theory about it being about getting the Flash to go faster.

Len wonders for a moment how Mr. Banana knows that the Flash would have access to someone with the right expertise. Well, they probably went up against each other and Flash talked to his earpiece the way he had the first time Len had fought him, but bomb-defusing experience seems like a specialization that you wouldn’t think a hero would necessarily think to have on his team. As quick as the Flash is, Mr. Banana’s left him a hell of a short time frame to find an expert if he didn’t already have one.

Something to think about.

Now, however, is not the time to consider such questions. Len’s got a city to keep intact.

After all, this is his city.

The good part about the tunnels on the west side of the highway is that they extend out from where the raised central portion of the highway, under the mostly deserted slum buildings just adjacent to it. The tunnels go up until they’re basically nearly at surface level, under the highway and next to the buildings, so a bombing here would be bad but not catastrophic – far fewer structural supports to knock down.

Still, he’ll be damned if a single squatter loses his life to some stupid hero-obsessed villain. Not while Len’s around, no sir.

He makes it to the tunnels, which are already deserted – the people assigned to come here have already planted their bombs and gotten the hell out of dodge, which is fair – and he’s listening to the countdown clock in his head that tells him he has plenty of time, but he barely takes two steps into the main space when there’s a gigantic boom like thunder and he’s suddenly thrown back against the wall.

Ouch.

Okay, when did he end up lying on the floor? He doesn’t even remember that happening.

Len’s head hurts, and there’s dust everywhere. He’s a bit dazed, but not nauseous, which at least means he’s not concussed.

What just happened?

That couldn’t have been a bomb going off already: there was no heat. He's been Mick's partner long enough to know that much about explosions.

And also…

“I tawt I saw a puddy cat,” he says, blinking concrete dust out of his eyes and absolutely mangling the impression. “Or at least I think I saw Tweety Bird.”

He pushes himself up on his elbows painfully and sits up.

Len’s not in the tunnels anymore; or rather, one of the tunnels is now open to the sky, but not because of the dead bombs that lie scattered on the ground. And they are quite certainly dead, he can see that; these bombs have been ripped apart and their pieces scattered everywhere. They’re never going to grow up to be nice big explosions, and won’t Mick be sad about that? But they definitely aren’t the reason that there was now a big hole in the wall under the highway, letting the evening light – half fading sunlight, half glowing streetlights – shine in.

There’s another cause for that.

Len’s never actually seen Mr. Banana before, but there’s no doubt that the man standing before him, vibrating so fast that the air around him shivers like an optical illusion, is the one.

“Holy crap –” Len says.

Mr. Banana raises his head proudly and smirks.

“– that is the ugliest shade of yellow I’ve ever seen,” Len concludes.

Mr. Banana looks taken aback.

But seriously, damn. Tweety Bird would be ashamed to be associated with that color. Big Bird would teach the audience a very special lesson about embarrassment just to cover it. The Teletubbies would think it a step too far.

Len’s still a bit iffy on the whole ‘Mr. Banana’ name, but he’s got to admit that he can see the basis. He’d shoot him with the cold gun just on principle, except that it’s lying halfway across the street.

Len twitches a foot.

Looks like he's somehow got no other guns, either: not the spare he’d tucked in the small of his back or the secondary one strapped onto his ankle. Mr. Banana must have grabbed them when he’d rammed himself thought the tunnel wall like a human-sized super-fast sledgehammer and then threw Len across the room.

Probably doesn’t want Len interrupting him in the middle of his carefully planned out solo number. Len gets that.

Doesn’t mean he has to like it when it’s being done to him, but, well, he gets it.

Evil Overlord rules, you know.

(If Mick didn't want him to quote them, he shouldn't have given Len a copy for his birthday this year.)

“Well, well, Mr. Snart,” Mr. Banana says. His voice reverberates strangely. Vibrating his vocal cords, the way the Flash tried to do early on and then just sort of gave up on. Kind of adorable, actually. This guy clearly has more practice. “You have been an admirable enemy –”

“Have we even met?” Len asks, reaching for his pocket.

Mr. Banana smirks. “You don’t know me,” he says. “But I know you. I’ve seen the work you’ve been doing so far, and you've become quite an impressive adversary for the Flash despite not having any powers of your own."

Gee, thanks. Always nice to meet a fan.

"Unfortunately," Mr. Banana continues, lengthening his syllables into a disdainful drawl which is clearly ripped off from Len, "there’s a risk that you’ll interfere with my plans with the Flash, and that’s – what are you doing?”

“Texting,” Len says, typing on the phone he’s just pulled out. “Obviously.”

“What?!”

“I know, I know, I’m a bit old to be a millennial, right?”

“Put that away and listen to me!”

“Sure, mom,” Len says, clicking send.

There’s a burst of lightning.

Len blinks at the space where his phone was. His poor phone is currently being crushed to death in Mr. Banana’s hands. Mr. Banana’s mask is doing a poor job of hiding his irritation.

Len shrugs and pulls out another one.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Mr. Banana says with disgust.

Len holds up the phone and sets it to record. “Wait, lemme get a pic before you destroy this one,” he says. “Don’t worry, feel free to monologue; I swear I’m listening.”

Mr. Banana seems to be contemplating destroying Len's phone again, and possibly adding some pain for Len into the mix in the process; he crosses his arms and glares death at Len as he considers how bad the pain's going to be.

“Lemme guess,” Len drawls, intimately familiar with how to distract people in that sort of mood. “‘Put that phone away this instant, young man, or I’ll kill you even more dead than I was already planning to?’”

Mr. Banana struggles with rage for a moment – his eyes do this thing where they glow even more red and start crackling with sparks of lightning a bit, very Sith-lord – before he manages to rein it and smirk.

“I suppose you have a point,” he says agreeably, in the way rich people do when they think they have the upper hand and decide that they’re going to be all generous about it, just to rub it in.

If he survives, Len is going to find this asshole’s house and rob it, just out of spite.

It can’t be that hard to find. Look at this guy’s preferred color scheme! Definitely one in a million – his house has got to be the most garish collection of no-taste rich-guy stuff imaginable.

Len bets he has a chandelier.

Len's totally going to Phantom of the Opera the shit out of it.

“So, what’ve I been doing that’s been pissing you off so much?” Len asks. “Sorry, I wasn’t actually listening earlier.”

That gets an actual eye-twitch.

He didn’t even know that was a thing real people did.

“Captain Cold,” Mr. Banana says. “Your exploits against the Flash are impressive –”

“What time?” Len inquires, quite seriously. “The time I let his friends scare me off with a vacuum cleaner or the time he kicked my ass up and down the street? Really, I want to know; I’m keeping a ranking list on my wall and I can’t seem to decide which one should be number one.”

Mr. Banana probably thinks he’s joking, but Len really does have a list.

“They will be,” Mr. Banana says impatiently. “But I have decided that your interference in the Flash’s timeline is an unacceptable risk to my plans. As is such, regardless of my respect for you, I’ve decided to end your life. Are you listening now?”

Len’s brain processes the words that just got spoken, but he ends up with nothing but question marks and blue screens of death and gibberish. Nothing that just came out of Mr. Banana’s mouth makes any sense, but it also doesn’t seem particularly useful for the time being either, and therefore he’s going to put his questions aside for contemplation at a time when his life isn’t imminently in danger.

“You do realize I’m stalling for time, right?” Len asks instead.

He’s not too sure. Maybe Mr. Banana is like Charlie and thinks they’re having an actual conversation or something.

Mr. Banana smirks. “Your little friend won’t be able to help you –” he starts.

Len’s jaw drops.

Mr. Banana checks behind him. It’s a barely noticeable motion, but it’s there.

Ah, glorious paranoia.

Very useful – to the person trying to fuck with you.

“No, no,” Len says soothingly. “No ambush yet, relax. I’m just – that’s the first time anyone’s called Mick my ‘little’ friend. Have you met him?”

He gestures a bit with his free hand, a vague outline of ‘very large and intimidating man who is hardly little in any respect’. He adds in a 'if you know what I mean' gesture because really, Mick deserves it, and also it makes Mr. Banana look vaguely like he's bitten into a lemon.

Mr. Banana looks like he's going to say something - Len's really hoping for it to be a lecture on having some more class as a supervillain, he's always wanted to hear one of those - but speak of the devil and he appears.

Mick bursts through the tunnel entrance, heat gun at ready, but he’s still too far away to help if Mr. Banana decides to skewer Len. Allen’s at his heels, eyes wide in horror.

“No!” Allen shouts, even as Mick’s eyes narrow and take in the scene.

Len feels vaguely bad about that, actually. Poor, pretty little hostage – bad enough that the mission went south, but he shouldn’t have to see people who flirted with him die.

Assuming Len does die, of course. Len’s not quite willing to concede on that yet.

Mr. Banana’s face stretches into a smirk, like he was waiting for the audience to arrive for the grand finale.

There’s something’s ticking in Len’s brain.

Something he’s missed, though he’s not sure what.

Mick’d probably know in a minute; he’s always been better with people than Len, even if Len is better at plans and strategies and such.

Hell, Mick probably does already know – he’s been smirking it up like crazy the last few hours.

What is it?

“I do apologize, Mr. Snart –” Mr. Banana says, and Len’s been in enough fights – and watched enough bad movies – to know that Mr. Banana is gearing up for the final murder sequence, and all Len’s got is a bunch of bruises and no guns.

Oh, and his camera phone, still recording.

“–but I’m afraid our time – that is, your time – is up at last,” Mr. Banana says, eyes bright and his tone gloating. He holds up his hand and starts vibrating it as fast as a circular saw, which is a hell of a murder method if Len’s ever seen one, and he steps forward and –

His face when a lacey red bra smacks him right in the face is priceless.

And that would be the other ambush Len had planned via a little community chatting.

Len grins at his phone.

God bless the Internet.

#coldflashwave #dccoldwave #flashwave #mick rory #leonard snart #barry allen #unexpected development #my fic

47 notes · View notes

0newaytickets · 5 years

Text

They say communication is key. Communication has always been my flaw, until i made communication nearly perfect to the best of my abilities for him. I told him all my feelings, pain, my happiness, my day, about my friends, my past, my family, anything you can possibly imagine. He had my blog. I wrote him a letter almost everyday, sometimes twice a day. Letters after letters, about my day. I trusted him, i defended him. When everyone told me he’s not good, I said no he’s just going through something and he was..or I thought he was. Was he lying to me? I wish I didn’t have a brain thinking about everything. I defended him even when he dropped me off on the side of a building in front of all my friends on my 30th birthday. Thats how I remember my birthday. Letters always helped me. Communication does help, but i’ve gotten to the point that I’m just so scared of communication. I can’t make a conversation, i’m too scared to hear something as simple as “thank you” if i told you I liked you. I’m too scared of anything I might hear. I’m too afraid to hear about some girl, because I hate to break it to you, I like you more than a friend. The more you call me friend the more it hurts. It stabs me everytime, just like your “thank you”. Honestly you don’t have to say anything about it, but I thought you should know. This is how you hurt me, because I know i’ll never fix myself on time for you to like me. I can start now, but it will never be enough. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but i’m trying my best at communication here. This is me putting my walls down, this is me communicating. I can write you a letter everyday too, but it’s not enough. Even writing this, I feel i’m too much myself. Trust me, I know how I’m coming off which is why I suppress a lot of emotions. Sometimes it gets the best of me. So it’s not that I don’t want to put down my walls, it’s just i’m afraid to know whats on the other side of my walls because when I put down my walls before, my heart came tumbling down with it. I promise I trust you, but I need so much more than I just dont’ want to ask from you because everything is too much. I don’t even know what right anymore. Like, i see some girl from peru on your IG, and my head gets insecure, but can’t you blame me? I’m damaged that way and it’s not your fault. The reason I said I had no reason to even ask about it, because I am just your friend. I don’t ask my gay friend who he adds, who he’s on the phone with. Everytime you called me friend, i’ve instilled in my mind that we are friends, try not to have expectations and then the way you look at me hurts me. When you just want me to come put my feet in my pool, all my head thinks is why? why does it matter? So I hope that answers a lot of my insanity. You said when i made some passive comment on about adding someone on IG, “why don’t you just ask?” well, because i shouldn’t, so it comes out the wrong way. I’m absolutely sorry for that. I just need someone that tells me, reassures my insanity, which is the part I can’t ask anyone to do, because that is a lot to ask for and thats ok. I don’t expect anyone to just tell me where they are every second of the day, who their with, or even when theyre drinking a cup of water, but it might be something I need. I don’t have that sense of security because of what happened and I really don’t want to blame what happened as an excuse but it was. I wasn’t like this. My ex before broke up with me because I was too “trusting” to a point he said it seemed like I didn’t care about where he was what he was doing. He broke up with me because of it. So I tried trusting, and got ruined by it. I just don’t want to communicate because I don’t want to find out anything. So please just don’t tell me anything or tell me everything. There is no in between for me right now. I’ll admit i’m way too insecure for that right now, I need to be eased up to that balance again. I’m too far down a hole that I don’t know what it is to just accept and believe anymore. I still think your intentions are as a booty call. I’ve also built my mind to accept that. I accept all the negative than the positive. I can’t seem to fill my head with positive because I’m scared of things being too good to be true. So my brain is filled with so much negative thoughts, “he will never like you” “you’re not enough” “you’re too insecure” “He has plenty of girls” “you’re wasting your time” “you’re not smart enough for this job” “you’re never going to get promoted”, and so much more, and all I can say to it is, “i know”, “it’s fine”, “just be by yourself”, “leave him alone”. My mindset is, if its negative and something good happens, great, if it doesn’t, I prepared myself for the hurt. If i never get promoted, I saw it coming. If you didn’t respond for a few hours, “he’s probably with a girl”, I saw it coming. I promise I don’t want to think this way, it started happening a lot more with him. I thought life was not fair. I still think that actually. He gets to walk away with this beautiful smart girl and amazing paying job, and I get all the hurt, because he chose to sacrifice me instead of her. Did i do something to deserve it? I look back, and I didn’t do a single thing wrong, I never cheated, I sat at home all weekend waiting for him to respond to me, believed every lie, and even let him run me over with him car, and even let him ruin my birthday. But I don’t want to talk about him, what i’m trying to say is it’s not fair, i reflect that on you. I would never hurt anyone and me being who I am not will hurt anyone that comes near me. My coworker says it’s like the devil has taken a hold me. I see that. My mind isn’t at peace, therapy will not help me, pills will not help me. All I need is to be filled with trust, and security and immense about that no one can fulfill probably, but who knows. I don’t mean to be broken, I don’t want to be broken, but it happens. I’m way too scared to just feel that pain when i saw her picture. I lost my mind that day. I could not feel my heart. I could not work, I left early. I cried everyday and in the end I forgave him for him to just do it all over again but worse. Lucky me. So I’m sorry for being too much, and for this letter being too much, but I thought you should know. I haven’t given up, I just needing so much more. I need to know everything to eventually know that there is nothing to worry about. Will that ever be possible, nope, no one can give me that. You might say no, you need to fix yourself, go to therapy try pills. No I don’t want to. I don’t want to, because hurt will always come, then what? therapy again? and again? You can just put me in an insane asylum then. I don’t know how else to explain it to you. I can be this broken record player but I’m not going to waste you time. Just thinking now, i remember this time I was picking up my ex to go to the movies from work and this girl was at his work place he came out to get me and when we walked in to grab his stuff he let go of my hand really really fast. This is my life. People ashamed to be around me, and not being good enough to be around. So sorry, my comment come out passive, it’s more from experience, something I’m kinda getting used to by now. I’m not asking you to fix me, or pity me, or do anything for me but I’m asking you to understand and try not to take my words so harshly. I know I haven’t known you that long and you probably think god she’s completely insane. After everything I just said, just know that i’m giving you that power to hurt me now, i put my pride down, my walls down and made myself vulnerable, but if you hurt me now just know I might completely lose myself cause it doesnt’ take much right now. So please please don’t look at me like i’m this fool, she barely knows me and she’s like this. I just want you to know I never mean to attack you. All my words are doing, is trying to hurt me and my head, not you.

0 notes

maryenette-writes · 7 years

Text

Imperfect Pt. 4 [Batsis]

@kpkarlee @jadedhillon @dc-comics-imagines @cleopatra-isis @wtfisachoncexx @holywinchesterness @thestarsintheknight

A/N: THIS TOO FOREVER but I tried. I think I’ll focus on each brother individually... I hope this is okay...

Pairing: Brother!Jason x Reader

Warnings: Swearing?

Word Count: 1329

MASTERLIST

A gunshot ripped the silence of the night, signalling Jason that there was another attack. He hurried to the location, thinking it was another attempted murder. There were too many around these areas, he hated it.

Landing swiftly in the dark alleyway--really? Could this idiot get more cliche than this?--he surveyed the area, looking for the shooter. However, he found none except some bullet holes and signs of struggle.

There was a sign of movement, just a mere change in the shades of black on the ground, but a trained vigilante like him noticed. With his guns in his hands, he slowly walked deeper into the alleyway. He kept his eyes trained on the waste disposal, knowing in his gut that there was someone behind there.

He anticipated a retaliation, but what he didn’t expect was how skilled the assailant was. She came at him at a speed that rivaled the Flash’s, kicking him in the head and knocking him down. In seconds, he was on the concrete, staring at the barrel of a gun with her on top of him.

Jason glared at his attacker, but when he saw her face, the glare turned into a look of surprise for he knew that face. It was the face of his little sister, [F/N] Wayne.

Her brows were furrowed and fire burned in her eyes. She was panting heavily, sweat glistening against her skin as she studied him with those intense [E/C] orbs of hers, ones that were unfamiliar to him. He was so used to seeing them clouded with lust and alcohol, or youthful glee. This predatory gaze was something else, someone else.

However, the fire gradually died down into merely an ember. [F/N] visibly relaxed and removed the gun from his face. She murmured, “Oh… it’s just you.”

She got off Jason and and offered a hand to help him up. Instead of taking that hand, he focused on the red stain on her abdomen. “What the fuck happened to you?” He demanded, helping himself up.

She gave him a strange look, as if not realizing she had a gaping wound. She followed his eyes and mumbled a small ‘oh’ when she saw what he was staring at.

“Come on, we’re getting you home.” With that, Jason roughly took her hand and began dragging her out of the damn alleyway, not realizing that he was still in his Red Hood gear and she shouldn’t be able to recognize him. He wasn’t questioning why she was out there in the first place, where she learned how to take down a grown man twice her size or why she got a gun, he was too concerned about her safety. He may not like her presence now, but she was still her sister. She was family, and no matter how insufferable or revolting she was, she never really did anything wrong.

“Jason, I’m fine, really.” She protested, slipping her hand out of his grip with ease, as if she had done it a million times.

Jason spun around and glared daggers at her, his helmet making the look even more intimidating. “No you are not [F/N], and you know it. You’re going to get yourself killed!”

His sister stood still, staring at him in confusion. “With that tone and voice, it almost sounds like you care about me.”

“Well, that’s because I do.” He snapped, not in the mood for her sass. “No matter how irritating, how stupid or how disappointing you are, you’re still my sister, and I will not let you bleed to death.”

That must’ve gotten through to her, because Jason found that she didn’t struggle when he took her hand. They walked through the empty street in silence. If anyone bothered to look out the window, they would be greeted with a strange sight indeed, but the world was asleep. As for the cameras, Tim would take care of that.

“You do realize you’re still in your gear, right?” [F/N] finally spoke up.

“Shit.” Jason groaned and pulled his sister to the side, looking around to see if someone saw. [F/N] chuckled in amusement, but winced because the movement caused her pain.

“Don’t worry, no one saw. This street is practically a ghost town,” her face grew serious, “it’s why those assholes chose this place.”

“Assholes?” Jason shook his head, clearing it before thinking over about what occurred. After realizing things that should’ve been realized a while ago, the questions began. “Wait--how did you--since when did--does the others know?”

“Known all along, didn’t say anything.” She patted his shoulder. “I’m smarter than I seem, you know.” Jason opened his mouth to voice his other questions, but when he saw how her hand moved to cover her wound, he thought against it. The explanations could wait, [F/N]’s life was at risk.

“You know what, let’s get you fixed up first.”

Jason sat beside the bed [F/N] laid in, studying her carefully, trying to decipher the puzzle she created. Apparently her wound wasn't fatal, but she did lose a lot of blood, which was why she was asleep at the moment.

When he questioned Bruce, the older man explained everything to him, startling him greatly. It was difficult to see [F/N] as someone different but then again, she was part of this crazy family.

He felt guilty for being so harsh on her, but truthfully he was only harsh because he cared too much.

He recalled a time when they used to be close. It was before his death; she always sneaked into his room when she had bad dreams. She followed him everywhere and mimicked everything he do, wanting to be ‘as cool as her big brother’ as she worded it.

It was only after he came back did he see how much she changed. He hated the person she became, but more than anything he hated the fact that Bruce didn't stop this. He didn't realize it was all an act.

“You gonna keep staring at me like that?” [F/N] questioned, opening her eyes.

“How did you know?” Jason asked, surprised she was able to tell.

She sat up and shrugged. “I just do, I guess. It's a feeling that I get.”

Jason nodded understandingly. Years of training did that to people.

“They told you?” She inquired.

“They told me.”

“And you're not angry?”

Jason shook his head. “I’m impressed, but I am angry you didn't tell me. Thought we were best buds kid.”

“Didn't want to--”

“--involve me, yeah I heard all that from Bruce.” Jason waved a dismissive hand. “Still insulted.”

[F/N] laughed. “Of course you are.” She then glanced down at her hands, as if ashamed about something. “But I’m sorry, for lying to you.”

Jason’s eyes softened immediately. She was guilty for doing the exact same thing they did, he had no right to be upset. None of them did. “To be fair we did it too. You have nothing to be sorry for. If anything, I’m the one who should be apologizing for being an ass.”

A few tears escaped her eyes and she quickly wiped them away.

“Why are you crying?” Jason asked frantically, scared he did something wrong.

“N-No, I’m just happy.” She explained with a smile that reminded him of her younger self, the little sister he always knew, the one he loved, and still do. “Back then when you found me, I was so surprised you were so worried. I didn't think…” she laughed, shaking her head as if amused by her own stupidity, “but you cared so much, it really touched me.”

She gave him the brightest, most genuine smile he had ever seen appear on her face in years, and that's when Jason truly knew that his little sister never changed. She was still the same girl that sneaked into his room all those years ago when she had those bad dreams.

865 notes · View notes

survivorsupport · 7 years

Text

Submission from Anonymous

If this becomes long, sorry!

So April/May 2016, thanks to a newspaper article I get back in touch with an old friend. He asks me if I’m happy in the relationship I am currently in with my partner, I admit to him I’m not and I want out. Two months after this my partner goes on holiday to Florida with some friends, when he’s there he sleeps with other women and continues things once he’s back from his holiday. I find out, break up with him and move out. We had a dog and a cat together so we agree to take it in turns looking after them and have a plan in place as to who looks after them when. Things remain amicable but at the same time he starts bombarding me with a good few messages a day, then messages become phone calls, phone calls become visits to my new house. I tell him to stop and he does, for a short while. During our relationship, it was normal for him to lash out and lose his temper and project that anger to me, he also got jealous of me even having male friends.

With all this going on I go out with friends one night and attempt to flirt with this guy on twitter I talk to every now and again, who quite frankly I find cute as anything. We actually swap numbers and talk pretty much every day. We started out flirty then we both cooled as upon reflection neither of us are ready for anything, we actually built up quite a good friendship (I think anyway) quite quickly. Then because life got in the way we stopped talking and that was that. I did get a little down about it and my ex-partner picked up on it, and tried to find out information about who this guy was etc, at first it came over as concern as I was a little hurt by it all, then after a while I asked him to stop as it wasn’t fair on my friend.

A month or so later I am at his on pet swap day he has a housing problem (he still lives in the flat we shared) and is blaming me queue argument, I get a work phone call (I have two phones) so leave the room to take the call. When I return I see my ex-partner reading my messages on my phone, I can see that they’re the messages to the new friend. I say nothing as tensions are already high but take my phone and leave quickly.

Half an hour later I get a message from my friend saying that my ex-partner has messaged him with a message of ‘thanks for fucking everything up’, I obviously panic as I have no idea what’s going on, but I assure my friend it’s nothing for him to worry about, normal behaviour from him when it comes to anger etc. My friend assures me that he’s not going to do anything as he doesn’t want to cause problems for me and he worries as to what my ex-partner will do to me. I tell him I’m fine (thinking I am) and that it’s nothing to worry about. I think nothing more of it just thinking its my ex-partner losing his temper like he used to with me. It’s clear he read the messages between my friend and myself and is now trying to be an alpha male type figure towards my friend. I am however touched and humbled by the way it was handled by my friend and simply amazed by even though his privacy was invaded that all he cared about at that time was me.

Later that night my ex-partner visits my house as I left something of the dogs with me and he needed it. I’ve only just got in from a work meeting so still dressed in my usual office uniform of dress and tights. I go to my bedroom to get it and my partner follows me into the room. As I reach over the bed he goes in for a kiss, I tell him no, and he refuses to stop. His hand goes up my dress and he gropes me pushing my knickers aside. His fingers enter me. I tell him to stop and try to push his hand away. The next thing I remember is me being on my bed with him on top of me. I shout at him to stop but he doesn’t. I do the only thing I can do, and just try to use my body to get him to stop. He doesn’t. Once he’s done he gets up, says no one will ever treat you like I do, not even 'x’ (the new friend) and leaves like nothing’s ever happened.

I am in a daze, and in my head, all I can think about is my friend saying he’s worried as to what my ex-partner is going to do to me. I feel guilty and dirty, I’m also so ashamed and guilty for lying to my friend (well it feels like I lied to him) when I told him I was safe. I start to cry and all I want to do is to have a shower, I bin my dress and get into the shower. No amount of scrubbing will get me clean and I scrub till my skin is red raw. I look in the mirror and want to smash it as I see a failure looking back at me.

I turn to the old friend and tell him what’s happened a few days later. I ask for his opinion on if I should tell my new friend, he thinks if I see any form of future with him then I should but I need to pick my time. Even though my friend and I haven’t been talking I know I should tell him, but know its too late to tell him straight away as the worst is done.

I talk to my ex-partner a week or so later about if he did go through my phone and read my messages and in turn message my friends on social media. He denies it, but then asks if i have heard from x recently. Instantly the shame anfd guilt feeling comes back, I vomit. He knows I know but won’t admit it.

The phone calls, and messages continue and get more graphic in their nature. About three weeks after the attack I contemplate suicide. I get as far as writing the note, I write one to x telling him the full story. I feel I owe him that. Somehow I don’t follow through with the plan, I feel as though I need to get my control back.

I call the police and report the matter, they ask me as to the lead up to the rape (this is why I talk about my friend as the police say its a big factor), and who was messaged and why. I have to name my frend.

Even though we havent spoken in a longish while I tell him at first that hes been named in a report for harrassment. He’s not pleased but he’s happy to help me, I was so scared to tell him as I was expecting him to tell me to say not his problem to be dragged into. But thankfully he didn’t/

Then comes the day I have to give my statement to the police, it’s there they tell me it would be charged as rape, and my friend would have to be a witness to help describe my ex-partners behaviour and timeline of that day. I again have to warn my friend that the police will be needing him, and I need his help, I feel the shame and guilt rising again, but my friend has this ability to calm me down and it works this time too. He reminds me its not my fault, and my ex was the one who created the situation.

Days later, a phone call from the police, they’re dropping the case as the court would rip me and my story to pieces to make out it was consensual sex as he was an ex-partner and that we lived together for many years with no issues, also my friend could be brought into the argument as a rival to my ex-partner and it was simply jealousy. I let my friend know straight away so he doesn’t have the stress over his head. I feel so guilty and ashamed, and so angry, his reply was cold, I instantly felt like I should never have told him a thing and like I let him down. I contemplated suicide again, I felt so alone, and I feel as though no one believed me or my story. The next day I calculate how many pills I would need to end it all. That day was only yesterday. I haven’t slept since it happened, every time i lay on my bed I can feel his weight ontop of me and the panic kicks in again.

I feel as though I am to blame, I feel as though if I never got drunk and messaged my friend in an attempt to flirt with him this would have never happened. I feel like my body is simply a commodity. I feel like my word is a lie. I am questioning what happened in my own mind, and I can’t decide if its real or not. I feel like I am simply a body to be used for a mans pleasure. As though I can not make friends with men for fear of what it may mean. I know its rape, thankfully. But It’s not been seen as rape by those who help I need it from the most. I feel ashamed he’s allowed to get away with it scott free.

Sorry this is so long but I need to clear my head. I honestly want the pain and confusion and the hurt to stop

.................

It’s okay to send a rant, no need to apologize. Sometimes when you rant it’s good to use a hotline, but I can see that with a hotline it would be hard to get into these complicated details. I find it interesting that you and your ex “coparent” your pets. Not many people wind up doing that. It’s good that you know that what happened was rape. But you need to know that it was not your fault. It doesn’t matter if you told your friend that you were going to be fine. You cannot see the future, you did not know how your ex would actually end up being. You had no way to know that he would rape you. You fought him. You really tried to make him stop. You knew he knew that he was forcing you. There was no miscommunication. Rape cases often don’t go beyond police officers and cases are dropped quickly. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s the culture we live in. You’re going to have to think about how you are going to deal with your ex now that this happened. Think about the pets, think about your safety. If you want male friends in the future, to date in the future, you’re going to have to keep that information from your ex. You shouldn’t kill yourself. There is life to still be lived. It could still improve.

1 note · View note

assilxm · 6 years

Text

self-reflection

i am broken | i am nothing | i don’t want to exist

7 august 2018

i had a particularly bad day today. it seemed like the cherry on top of the many bad days i’ve been having these past couple of months. through inference of my previous journals, there seemed to be one common question i would constantly ask the universe - “what did i do to deserve this?”

my battle with depression and anxiety sprung when i was 13, after being continuously bullied in primary school by the people i called my closest friends. when i was 11 to 12, i was exposed to constant harassment and bullying. some examples of this included harsh cyber-bullying on my then blog’s chatbox, vandalism on my desk and property, abandonment and isolation caused by my ‘friends’ turning against me and spreading false rumours about me. i was confused, hurt and deemed fragile by my teachers who saw and understood what was happening to me, but did nothing to stop it, simply sending me to the school counsellor weekly for sessions to cure my ‘sadness’. the feeling of resentment to myself never went away from then on. it just kept on building.

when i was 13, i went to secondary school and found myself new friends, whom i am thankful to have in my life today. i never went back to the toxic group of friends i had before, and vowed to never let myself go through something like that again. i was trying my best to take control of my life again, to forgive and forget. little did i know what was to come next. i was 13, surrounded by my cca mates in a big group, when i found out that i was being ridiculed by some of the senior classes for videos i did on youtube when i was in primary school. mind you, these were harmless videos of me doing covers of songs as my form of self-therapy then, and they weren’t intended to be found. so imagine the shock i had when one of my seniors laughed in my face as she was telling the story of how her class found my videos and watched it collectively, publicly making fun of me with their teacher present, laughing along. i was so embarrassed, but i acted as if it didn’t completely destroy me then and there. i just couldn’t see how people saw my misery as something funny. i still don’t. when i went home, i deleted my youtube account and started cutting myself for the first time. i did not want to go to school the next day. i was so ashamed. i continued cutting on and off for the next couple of years, until i officially stopped last year.

when i was 15, my life was going as smoothly as it could capably go for someone as damaged like me then. i had a good group of friends, was topping the class in english and literature, enjoyed my cca immensely and became vice-president of the student council. i was starting to build myself up to become a fully-functioning person again. that was until my life backfired when (name redacted), a teacher who never liked me because of my academic status, decided to stir up trouble for me. context: she didn’t like the fact that i was vice-president of the school as i was in normal academic, and believed that people ‘as slow as me’ shouldn’t be in top tiers of leadership. it didn’t help that i help a leadership role in the cca she was in charge of as well, but that’s a story for another day. so anyway, long story short. she caused a ruckus, brought my parents into a small matter and had the school board shorten my leadership status. it was so dumb, that even the disciplinary mistress was on my side and deemed the punishment unnecessary. before this, i was cutting on and off, and could actually go weeks without having anxiety attacks. but this broke me. if you knew me back then, you would’ve known how hard i worked to get my leadership position, and how much it meant to me to be looked up to by my peers. i’m not saying this for the attention, it legit made me happy. it was all i had going for me. something i was doing right. and to have that snatched from under my feet over absolutely nothing broke me. the days after, i was forced to go to school assisted with a suicidal mentality on constant. i carried around a rosary with me in my pocket and prayed many times during the day for god to just take away the feeling of despair and the pain i felt internally. i closed off from everyone, except the friends i trusted enough to tell what happened. i lost myself that day. the cutting got worse.

after secondary school, i went to poly and made a couple of great friends, whom i also treasure dearly till this day. however, poly was the time period in which my depression and anxiety worsened. it did not help that i had also found myself to be (redacted - only some of ya’ll know this and i’m not about to out myself here). i was conflicted as to who i was as a person, and believed myself to be an utter failure to my friends and my family. i contemplated suicide almost everyday those 4 years. i self-harmed. i cried. so many times.

when i was about 19, my parents found out just how bad my mental health was. i had also officially come out and told them about the way i was feeling. i took medication, vitamins, and relied solely on television and music to get me through the wave of despair and self-destruction. my parents ended up becoming one of my biggest supporters to keep my head above the water.

when i was 20, i broke up with my boyfriend over the guilt of dragging him into my business with mental health. it was taking a toll on him, and on our relationship, and i knew i just didn’t have the strength to carry on a relationship so heavily one-sided. it wasn’t fair to him, or me. my mental health was destroying us both, and i knew he deserved better than what i was giving him. after this, i was lulled into a state of nothingness. i don’t even know how to describe it. i would cry. i would just stare. i would retract into my shell. i couldn’t even bring myself to talk about it. i was broken. and then i moved to melbourne.

since being here, i’ve been trying to find my ground. the depression and anxiety’s still very much here, and the friends i hang out with here know about my condition. i am still ashamed of what i am, and what i have. but i know that i can’t make it go away, that it’s always going to be with me. last year, i made the promise to myself to stop self-harming. so far i’ve only relapsed once, but i’m still going strong on that promise. i have been having a lot more attacks though. they’ve become way more public than i’d like, which leads to a lot of randoms asking me why i am the way i am. why i’m always so ‘sad’. well, the answer is, i can’t tell you why. i am not sad. i am depressed. when i have an attack, all i can think about are all my faults and the fact that i would rather die than to feel this way in the moment. i will say things that will scare normal people, like it did before. i will treat myself badly. i won’t have control.

all i ask is that you, my friends, don’t treat me any different. i don’t even know what i’m looking to get out of writing this post, but after the day i’ve had, i just had to type my feelings out. i need to get this off my chest. i need you to understand that i am not a victim. i did not choose to be this way. i am not coming out with my mental health status to ‘romanticise’ it. i just need a safe space to exude my consciousness as a means of cleansing.

in the mean time, i will promise to try my best to keep my head up. i will try my best to maintain a good level of satisfaction and dissatisfaction in my life. i will try to give life a shot. i even bought expensive anxiety reducing sprays from perfect potion as an attempt to control this. i am trying.

thank you.

0 notes

fangirlingnextgen · 7 years

Text

He is

It's another Friday night, and I am optimistic. My eye is somewhat better, the wound on my lip is almost gone, bruises have stopped changing colour and some are disappearing, and I had a goodnight sleep. I smile, as I walk on my way to the Cave, a bag of chips in my hand. Brandon and Collin are gonna meet me there, and because I came passed the kitchen, I got the task to steal some chips without Baguette noticing. I was always scared of Baguette, I will admit, but I've come quite good at it. So me and my bag of chips turn around the corner, when my eyes meet Adara, standing in front of the door leading to the Cave. "Hey Adara!" I greet her cheerfully, "Y-you hanging with us too?" Maybe I can arrange to sit next to her? Collin knows by now, so that should be okay right? Or maybe that would be too embarasing... constantly blushing. Crap! Don't start blushing now too! Stop it! Adara opens her mouth, but then shuts it again. "Umm, no..." she replies, fidgeting with her sleeves. She looks nervous. Adara? Nervous? I tilt my head at her. "What is it? Not a good flavor?" I ask, lifting the bag of chips, "It was the best I could- uh borrow from Baguette..." She doesn't meet my eyes yet still, and I wonder what would be the reason for Adara to act this way. Should I be scared of hopeful? "There's something I should tell you." I can't help but choose hopeful. I feel the heat rising towards my cheeks, which comes as no surprise. "Y-you do?" I say. Could it be? She closes her eyes in front of me, seeming tense, maybe even scared as she takes a deep breath. "I'm not sure of how you'll take it..." she speaks softly, "I don't want you to get mad." How could she think that? She has never met my father, she cannot see the resemblance I have to him. Did I give her another reason to think I would get mad? "Adara," I say, walking closer, wanting to wrap my arms around her and comfort her from what it is that's bothering her, "Whatever it is, I am never mad at you..okay?" I am not my dad. I hope I never will be. I smile at her, hoping to help with that being the only thing I can do. She looks up at me, hesitant, then quickly back at her feet. Those freckles look best on smiling cheeks, which isn't the case now. "I- umm- when- you were...your dad came by the palace a few days ago while you were here," she says. I clench my jaw instantly, my smile fading. I asked her dad not to tell Adara. It would only worry her. Sean saw me making my way to the gate, and came to greet me, in his way. I was lucky he didn't aim for my eye, which was still swollen then. Mister Schreave came in between, as he was getting flowers for his sick wife in the gardens. I'm ashamed to admit he hit her father. Worse, a sick mixture of pain and pride fills me when I think how her father hit him. He protected me. "Your dad told that huh..." I let out. I wonder if that's what fathers do. Tell their children everything, honesty and love. Her expression changes slightly, frowning just a second before continuing. "He came, when we were all out, looking for you...my dad...he confronted him. Told him to leave you alone," she adds, "Apparently... y-your dad didn't take it well." She looks anxious. But I do not understand. He came back once more? I furrow my brows, thinking of what has happened without me there to take the hits. "W-what's going on? Is your dad o-okay?" I ask confused. Then a sadness fills me in the form of rage, I always try so hard to push down. It's my fault. I wasn't there to take the punches. "What did he do to your dad!" I say loudly, scaring myself, trying to identify this emotion without letting it control me. Please, I don't want to be like him. Breathe. Please. "He's alright!" she answers quickly. It cools down a heat that was taking over me. "Just..just sprained his wrist," she mumbles. A hint of anger escapes me still in the form of a small growl. "I'm so sorry Adara...He's-he's..." I try finding something to say about him. Something to describe what he is. What he has ruined. Fracturing more than just an occasional bone in my body. He has broken so much more. Leaving behind so much more than bruises. How to describe such a man? A gambler? A father? My father? He's... He's... "He's in prison," Adara lets out.

My mouth simply drops, my eyes widen, looking at her, stunned. My father.

"He's what?!"

She shifts her feet, having trouble to meet my gaze. "H-He assaulted a royal member on the palace grounds..." she replies softly, trying to explain what my mind cannot grasp. She hesitates before she continues.

"He's in prison."

I stare at her blankly, my mind repeating her words over and over again. But it can't be.

Tears are slowly filling my eyes. They've been collected over the years, spared, hidden behind a gentle smile, jokes. All of them, apparently waiting for this moment. Waiting for it to be over. Though it never truly will be.

"He's in prison..." I whisper, tasting the words in my dry mouth. It should make it more real, but I merely feel like a hollow shell, still staring at the beautiful sunrise girl in front of me, tears blurring my vision.

I realise I've dropped the bag of chips I was holding, but didn't notice. I feel the urge to sit down next to it, hoping the floor would give any sort of protection. I've never expected this to happen, neither did I expect it would feel like this. Torn.

As I blink away the blockade in my vision, I find Adara frowning sadly.

"I'm...I'm sorry," she speaks softly. It makes the tears come back harder.

"It-It..." I stutter, for different reasons than I usually have. I start to stare at my shoes once again. I cleaned them recently. Now the first actual tear is landing on it. Such a small, delicate thing, destroyed by the touch of the leather shoe.

"I should be glad, shouldn't I?" I ask, finding some strength to look back up at her. I know I must be crying, but I don't actually feel it.

He's in prison. Behind bars. Caged up like an animal.

My father. My dad.

My pain. My wounds.

How do I feel them more than ever?

Every pain he's ever caused?

"No..." Adara lets out. She cups my cheek, her hand so softly on my warm skin. She makes me feel the tears as she wipes them away gently, making them feel a little less like an ache, but more as a soothing cleaning.

But the ache is there still when her own tears start to show. My fault. Yet I can't find the strength to do anything about it.

"H-He's still your dad."

My pain. My wounds.

My father. My dad?

"He wasn't," I reply with determination hidden behind my cracking voice, placing my hand gently on the one that's running circles on my cheekbone. "I always hoped...maybe my real dad would turn up, but that's him..."

I shake my head just slightly. If her hand wasn't on my cheek, she probably wouldn't have noticed.

He's my dad and he's not, at the same time.

Adara keeps bringing me back to reality, giving me lifelines, stopping me from drowning. She grabs my other hand, squeezes it. I won't drown. Her other hand keeps rubbing my cheek. I might even swim.

"It's okay," she says, her voice gentle and soft. A warm blanket after a rainy day.

Still, I clench my jaw at the cold shivers that seem to be running through my body. What if this is all a sick joke. What if he's waiting for me outside.

"Wh-why am I still scared?" I ask, though I don't expect an answer. Tears keep rolling over my cheeks and I should probably feel embarrassed for being so weak.

"You deserved so much better..." she replies, trying to lift my face with her hand, making me look into her hypnotising eyes.

"But you're okay now, he can't hurt you anymore," she says.

I wish it was true.

"Yes, he can.." I mumble back.

She grabs my face in both her hands, naturally against the predictable heat in my cheeks that's beyond my control.

She's crying. Because of me.

No. Because of <i>him </i>.

"He can't, Steve."

"I look like him Adara," I start with a cold voice in contrast to the warm tears, "She can't look at me, she can't spend time with me. In me, she sees him. She doesn't want me. She doesn't want me because of him. She never wanted me, but got me because of him."

She should know what I might become in the future. I'm scared beyond reason. Afraid of what piece of him I carry.

I don't ever want to hurt the people I love.

I don't want to hurt anyone.

But he?

"He will always hurt me..."

"Steve..." I can see her looking for words, but her face is only showing tears flowing relentlessly between the freckles on her cheeks.

Suddenly, she pulls me closer, as she buries her face into my chest, my shirt catching and absorbing her tears gladly.

A heat fight against the cold inside of me.

"That's not your fault. She has no right to hold any of it against you!" She hugs me even tighter, the warmth coming closer to beating the ice. "None of it! It's not fair!"

Her voice. Her voice sounds so genuine, strong, yet it breaks still as she continues. "You deserve so much better than this."

She believes I don't deserve it. Who am I to doubt her?

Adara.

My princess.

It weakens me, melts down the control to hold back any pain, fear, or sadness. So I close my arms around her tightly.

And I let it all out.

My shoulders shake as I cry embarrassingly loud. But I don't mind. I have her in my arms to care for me.

I don't know how long we stand like that. I do know that it helped. It calmed me down somewhat.

"Thank you Adara," I whisper, my throat somehow hurting, my voice sounding raspy.

She shakes her head against my chest, pulling me even closer while I didn't know that was possible.

"Don't thank me for my incapability to help, I-I've done nothing," she replies with sorrow in her voice. Her shoulders start shaking now, crying too hard for me to bear.

"I can't do anything to help you."

She can't be thinking that.

I close my eyes, hearing her sounds and feeling her movements of the sadness, as I try to make them go away by caressing her hair. She can always make me forget and focus on her instead.

Her hair is soft, the colour so bright, so hopeful, I can almost feel it with my eyes closed. I think once again of the ball, how we talked, danced. I think of the library, where I learned more about her and the book. The drinking coffee together. Her finding out about Sean, helping me get through it. Someday...

"You-you've let me fall in love with you...That-that made days better..." I say the words before I can stop myself, keeping my eyes closed for the reaction I can't bear to face. It's incredibly stupid to say it like this, right now. She will only pity me, with the stray tears still rolling down my cheeks.

She says nothing, and I can't see her reaction because I'm too scared to open my eyes still. Yet she continues to softly sob into my shirt, clenching her hands into fists around the worn out fabric.

I count the seconds, trying desperately to block out the thoughts of Sean, reaching up to 53 until her soft crying turns into a cute sniffle.

She looks up at me, as I finally dare to open my eyes.

At least I'll know she'll let me down easy. Slowly, I can feel her take on of her hands from behind my back, as she starts to wipe away her own tears. I watch her movements with fascination. Then, she cups my face with her elegant hands, her thumb graciously tracing the scab on my lip that's starting to fade, and I don't even flinch. She continues to trace my jaw, making me realise I should have shaved better for her, as she lets her finger rise over my cheek to end on my cheekbone. She covers her thumb with her sleeve, stopping some tears from rolling down. I didn't notice a single one of them anymore. There's only her touch, pushing away everything just so carefully. Her own eyes are still filled with tears, changing the colour of her eyes, surprisingly making them seem more bright. Again, her freckles and the pink on her cheeks blend into one, a soft smile on her lips. "Don't let either of your parents have that kind of power over you, Steve. They don't deserve to hurt you like that," she says, the smile persisting despite the tears seeming to win. Her words heal more than I thought they could. "They don't deserve the sweet, beautiful, kindhearted boy standing in front of me... and maybe they never will," she adds, staring up into my eyes, as I desperately try to read them. This scares me, but there's something in her eyes that I can't miss. It's enchanting, soothing, calming. It's Adara. "I can only hope I do right now." I can't answer her statement, as I'm unable to move under her touch. She places her hand behind my neck, a pleasing shiver traveling down my spine, before she pulls me into a soft kiss. I never would have expected this to be even better than I imagined. Her touch, her scent, her soft lips on mine. Yet she touched me with more, with her comfort, with what she is to me and showing she wants to be that too. I'm closing my eyes, though I know I'll miss out on seeing her beautiful face, but it's all I can do right now. Closing my eyes, holding my breath, and having this. Having her. When our lips part and my breath is my own again, though I wonder how much of that is true, I find my hand instinctively on her cheek, looking at the masterpiece in front of me while I gently let my fingers go over her cheek, touching her gorgeous face in disbelief. "How could you not deserve me...you are everything," I whisper back, almost hearing myself smile in the sound of my voice, but most of all, seeing her smile on return. I no longer have to hold back to kiss her magnificent face, so I don't, underlining my words with kiss as soft as a brush against her lips. "Everything..." I whisper faintly, letting my forehead rest against hers, my eyes still closed, waiting for my mind, body and heart process everything that's happened. The deepest downfall, her rising me to the highest high I've ever known, all in one day. When I open my eyes again, she's looking right into them, resulting in another flutter, most likely followed by a blush on my cheeks. But I don't mind at all. Yet her brows are slightly furrowed, which I do mind. However, the hand she's laid on my hand, which is still on her cheek, gives mine a short squeeze, reassuring me. "I hope I'm a good everything," she whispers.

0 notes