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yumjunniie · 2 years

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“can you teach me” | sim jaeyun

synopsis; virgin!afab!reader wants to try to learn abt sex and always wondered what it feels like so she convinces her best friend! jake as to why he should help her.

warnings; smut (mdni), handjob, fingering, boob play, making out, dirty talk, name calling [princess, good girl,baby] no p in v, spit?

a/n; if there’s any typos or mistakes it’s because none of it proofread or anything or i’m sorry that 😭 but other than that please enjoy n lmk what u think. this will be two parts. mayb 😭

you have been overthinking ur virginity for a long while, maybe too long. you always thought abt what if you never did it right, or what if you jerk them off and you don’t satisfy them. you even thought badly abt ur body, what if your boobies look weird or if your pussy doesn’t look or taste or feel like others. you shared these thoughts to jake your best friend since 5th grade.

you could trust jake w/ anything. sharing your feelings, taking care of you when your sick, letting you cry on his shoulder after you got dumped, blasting music and dancing like crazy ppl. and then you thought ‘maybe i should ask jake to help me.’ honestly to you this was genius, a hot guy friend to help you w/ your dick stroking game. you were definitely asking him when he comes over in a few.

30 minutes pass and you hear jake yell “y/n! i got take out!” “coming!” you run down the stairs and jump into his arms for a hug. “woah i saw you yesterday what’s with the jumping and hit smile?” “i have something to ask you” you chuckled. “okayyy” he says after taking a big bite of his noodles. after like 5 minutes of just downing your food you ask jake. “can you teach me how to have sex?” jake chokes on his food, punching his chest and drinking some water. “what?!” he looked at you as if you were crazy. “do you know what your asking? i cant do that!” “why not?” “y/n we’ve been best friends since the 5th grade” he brought up. “yeah and that gives me more of a reason to do it w/ u, would you want me to give to some dude while i have zero to none experience?” “i mean no but” he sighed.

“pleaseee jakey” you plead as you toy w/ the drawstring of his sweats before moving your hand lower to his thighs. sitting up to your knees and grabbing both sides of his face. you don’t know what got into you, but this was your chance, and you were incredibly horny. kissing his cheeks before giving him a quick peck on the lips. “you’re the only guy i trust to touch me, please? for me?” jake never thought he’d see the day you’d beg for him to touch you. he’s not blind, you’re a very attractive lady. ever since y’all started puberty, he couldn’t help, but to give a few a lot of glances at your tits. he stroked his dick thinking abt how you could take his dick or how your lips look wrapped around it. and the way your playing w/ his drawstring isn’t saving his act right now.

kissing down his honey tanned neck. “please?” “o-ok, i-i’ll do it” he stuttered. “i’ll teach you, but don’t beg like that for right now, your gonna make me cum in my pants.” you jumped in excitement. “where do we start first? can i touch you? should we kiss?“ throwing a bunch of questions at him. ‘she’s rlly excited for this, better not disappoint then’ he thought. “can i kiss you?” you nodded. “no i need you to be verbal w/ me princess” he ordered. god, the moment that pet name slipped out, your stomach wobbled around. “y-yes” your cheeks gone pink. “cute” he whispered before placing his soft plump lips onto yours. he takes the lead as he patiently waits for you to follow him, pulling your head closer, rubbing your forearm, before intertwining his hands into yours.

the kiss gets deeper and the room gets hotter but you guys don’t stop. at this point, you’re straddled on his lap, grinding down his crotch. he pants “fuck.” “ar-are you okay?” concerned it sounded like you hurt him. “n-no it felt good” he looked down at his crotch. he’s so hard it hurts. the tightness compressed in his sweats and briefs is killing him. “i’m going to teach you something now, okay?” you nod. “words baby” he reminded. “yes ok let’s do this” which wasn’t rlly convincing, considering you were fiddling your fingers around. “hey it’s ok i’m right here” jake reassured. you smiled and nodded as jake continued to take off his sweats and briefs.

looking at his dick just caused your pussy to have a tsunami. he wasn’t big but he wasn’t small, girthy tho, and it was actually super pretty to look at. you look into jakes eyes for permission. he nods. you wrapped your hand around him, hearing him gasp at the touch. then you look at him confused bc you don’t know the next step. “here i’ll show you” he says before spitting into his hand and putting onto his dick, rubbing up and down in circular motion. throwing his head back, groaning, and biting his lip as you watched. your underwear felt sticky, you were so wet, and he hasn’t even touched you. “y-you try” he pants.

you spit a bit onto his dick before stroking him up and down in circular motion like he demonstrated before. his chest going up and down as his breathing spiked faster, his eyes fluttering closed, his slight whimpers, and gasps. he looked so sexy like this. “gonna cum oh don’t stop” he moans out. as you went a little faster, white ropes of cum spurts out. you don’t know what got into you but you just had to take the tip of him into your mouth and swallow the last few spurts. jake bucks his hips into your throat at the stimulation, taking his final breathes and pants. “fuck y/n you did so fucking good, but now it’s your turn” he smirks.

he lights pushes you down the sofa. “can i take your clothes off?” he asks. “y-yes” without hesitation, you lift up your hips so he can take off your shorts and underwear. as he throws them somewhere in the house, you take your top and bra off, but still covering yourself a bit. “don’t cover yourself, you look beautiful y/n” he reassures. you drop your hands. “can i touch you?” “yes” your voice is kind of shaky but you still trust jake w/ your body. his hand makes his way to your tits, softly massaging them, making you whimper. his hand travels from your stomach to your pussy. he takes a finger a rubs once against your slick folds, making your legs open more. he barely done anything and you can’t even think straight. toying with your pussy before slowly entering your wet slick.

his finger fucking you deliciously, between your moans to how fucked out you look just from his finger, he couldn’t wait to add another. a long salacious moan exits past your lips as he added another finger, fucking your faster, rubbing your clit with his thumb. the pleasure was so much, your legs were shaking. your hands travel from your tits to jakes wrists gripping them so he doesn’t stop. he bends over to your ear and whispers, “you look so gorgeous like this princess, your gonna cum for me like a good girl right?” you nodded and plead for him to finish you off. “words baby, ask permission to cum for me” he smirks. “please can i cum?” your hand goes up to jakes hair to caress him all the way to his cheek. “please can i cum, i’ve been good” you gasp. “go ahead my love cum for me” he permits. your mind goes blank, everything went black for a second. “are you ok?” you nod and smile. “thank you jake, feels so good” you watch jake clean you up, put your clothes back on you, and then his before you drift off to sleep. “i love you” jake says as he lands a kiss on your forehead before cuddling up next to you.

a/n; thank you guys for reading! hope you enjoyed my first enhypen smut :) many more coming but i need to sleep it’s 1:26 am rn 🧍🏻leave feedback if anything!! also thank you guys for 324 followers seriously i love all you guys!!

©yumjunniie | do not copy or plagiarize my work

#enhypen smut #sim jake smut #jake smut #sim jaeyun smut

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delusional-mishaps · 23 days

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well guys. since i missed epic's birthday (devastating) have some headcanons :)

he is one of those weaboos who learned japanese so he can watch anime "the authentic way" (his words)

so he's fluent in japanese 💀 he literally only learned it for anime but dude was DEDACTED

he's so cringe guys 😭 i can say that. he's my boyfriend i love him

he would adore those cute anime girl v-tubers. like not in a weird way but he'd watch a lot of them

HE PLAYS GENSHIN 💀 he'd probably main beidou or raiden shogun/ei.. maybe run a full electro team with miko and fischl too 😭 (fischl is his fave character he loves her backstory and her bird thing idk i dont use fischl 💀) he loves the electro characters for some reason idk

HE HAS THE WORST LUCK ON THIS GAME THO. bro has c6 diluc (me too ☹️) and all his artifacts SUCK ASS even tho he'll grind every day

he has to spend money on every banner because he always loses his 50/50 and only gets high pity

ok enough genshin headcanons he's cringe we know this

im here ranting about a game i hate because my dumb boyfriend plays it so much

he hangs out with cross a lot ofc BUT

whenever he hears the word cross used in any context he turns to cross like "CROSS????? BRUH THATS YOU!!" (i always make these jokes. im projecting)

cant believe jesus died on his best friend fr... LMAOOO

he speedruns minecraft. he's NOT GOOD AT IT. but he can do it

he's had his speedruns ruined by creepers like 7 times

one time he somehow got into the deep dark and got killed by the warden??? idk what bro was doing down there in a speedrun dawg 😭

sorry he's a gamer in my head but hes really bad at every game he plays (just like me fr)

he sleeps under like 6 different weighted blankets in the hopes that he wont thrash around when he sleeps but he's too strong and ends up tossing them all off his bed 😭

bro needs to be CRUSHED to fall asleep!! he literally cant fall asleep without the weight

not that he likes to sleep anyway because of the nightmares but whatever. hes gotta do it. unfortunately.

he fights in his dreams ofc thats like canon but bro is throwing punches in his sleep fr

if he gets a partner (me fr!!) they gotta sleep in a different ROOM 😭 he is taking NO CHANCES and tbh thats so fair i wouldnt wanna wake up being beaten up by my bf

he is so ipad baby-core <3 he'll just watch youtube on his ipad all day if u let him but he's an old man and needs his spectacles otherwise he's holding it at arm's length 💀

don't forget bro is literally a doctor?? he's SO smart but he uses his goofy persona as a cover up

im convinced like most of the people that know him actually dont know this. they all think hes dumb as bricks 💀

them he'll casually say smth super smart and everyone is like ???????? HELLO??? SINCE WHEN DID UR BRAIN WORK??

i love drawing epic with glasses guys he looks so cute. but he has old man reading glasses

this the typa shit he wears

AND HE FUCKING. anime glasses 😭

like yk how ppl in anime push glasses up

him fr

AUUGH WHY IS HE SO CRINGE I NEED TO CRUSH HIM

he actually needs his glasses all the time but he doesnt like to look like a NERDD so he doesnt wear them

he makes cross read everything for him

they go out to eat and gotta make him read the whole menu otherwise hes holding it 2cm from his face 💔

"whatd that sign say i cant read it"

"dude the letters are huge how cant you read it"

"oh lol i need my glasses my bad bruh"

"YOU ARE DRIVING A CAR RIGHT NOW????"

actually he cant legally drive. because thats funnier than if he could

id still be his passenger princess <3 i refuse to get my license

anyway guys isnt my boyfriend so silly

im so tiredni needto seelp goodnight smooork mimimumumu

its 3am i neednto get up in 5 hours naioiiooooooo

goodbye guys enhjoy my boyfrien mdgrf

#count how many times i project onto epic challenege #headcanon #undertale headcanon #epic #epic sans #epic headcanon #bruh idk how to tag stuff i dont make real posts anymore 😭#jester writes

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onetimetwotimesthreetimess · 1 year

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the party doesn't start until i walk in LCBAB reaction let gooooooo

He put on a nice sweater, one without holes in it, and fluffed his hair a bit. He wanted to look nice but also not make it apparent that he had made some effort.

oh alec you virgo (is there gonna be any reaction to your fic where i stop mentioning alec virgo ass? maybe not)

It should be normal to think constantly about your friends 24x7 without it having any romantic intent.

the word alec is looking for is obsession. it always romantic feeling with friend and never a job

Alec wanted to meet the person who introduced the word beautiful. He wanted to ask that person what or who made them use this word and then tell them that beautiful was nothing compared to what Magnus looked like.

dont raise the dead just so you can be a simp its against the death code, dead ppl HR gonna have your head

Magnus jolted awake at that and started screaming. He took out the knife from under his pillow and launched it at Alec.

“Don’t come near me or I will kill you.” Magnus shouted.

when magnus keep a knife under his pillow its revealing detail on him and his background. when i keep a knife under my pillow im a danger to society????

“2nd May.”

no way in hell magnus is a Taurus at least pick a Scorpio date

And Alec was just—Alec.

and water makes things wet. we all know this

“I’m sorry.” Magnus said earnestly and it was all it took for Alec to forgive it.

alec needs to STAND UP i know he can. no virgo should forgive forget that easy stand UP

“Are you really using your childhood trauma to get out of being punched for saying stupid shit?“

Jace pretended to wipe fake tears from his face. “Is it working?”

the fact that you are making me relate to jace...evil?!?!?!?

Because how the hell was he supposed to survive without talking to Magnus for an entire week.

stream midnights by taylor swift it such a good album i know right

“Why does it matter to you? What the fuck does it matter when it is?” Magnus asked angrily.

me when im writing every essay. alec should have replied with "nothing" purely for the aesthetic

i was gonna make a joke about birthday as birthslay but my brain not functioning

Magnus held his face gently and Alec leaned into the touch. “I love you, Alexander. I’ve been in love with you since the day you had that law test and you forced me to quiz you for 48 hours and I hated absolutely every minute of it but I still did it. I love you more and more every day and I don’t know how to stop. And even if I knew, I wouldn’t want to stop.” Magnus breathed.

again stand UP

Alec was 32, and if he was being honest, he didn’t know why people had to work too.

actually nobody knows this it is another Bermuda triangle

“He is in a meeting with Abigail, right now. But he should be free any time now. I’ll just check in.”

um the amnesia au tease? are we okay?

Alec was fine with other people having a thing for Magnus. As long as they don’t act on that desire.

oooh amnesia au gonna wreck alec, serve him right for being a simp we cant be all too lovey-dovey around here

“I tried for ten years and these three convinced you in one night?” Alec said petulantly, bringing a chuckle out of Magnus.

maybe if u stop thinking with emotion and start thinking in strategic mode

this fic is just angst + trauma + alec being mega whipped to the point he can start a whipping cream brand + ari being the cutest + tease for hiadt when alec got dumped and his ex-husband moved on with his ex gf. again LAYERS

“Don’t raise the dead just because you want to be a simp” sent me. Your reactions like always are superior anh>>> I cracked so hard at the entire thing

Simp Alec would never stand up for himself and if you think it’s bad in LRHWY, wait till you read about HIADT Alec getting walked all over himself lmao. Also yes!!! Loved throwing that lil bit of amnesia au tease lmao.

I have honeslty no idea how this fic ended up being as angsty as everyone is saying it was lol. That’s what I’m saying—I can never tell which chapters or fics are going to be angsty and which ones are not. I’m in this with you homies jsjssjsk

P.S. Ari really do be the cutest I am love only one girl

#LCBAB

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izukult · 3 years

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what they get you / what kind of gift they get you for valentine’s day :D

idc ab valentine’s day whether i have a partner or not but i would geek ab it for these mfs

warnings: swearing!! fluff 🤢

characters: hinata, kageyama, oikawa, suga, tsukishima, bokuto, akaashi, iwaizumi, matsukawa, atsumu

hinata shoyo ♡

this ray of absolute sunshine would see smth from tiktok and be like: yup. perfect. he’d get you like the chocolate box of crystals !! and be like “look at how pretty they are- this one looks like my hair!” and he also gets you some homemade ring from etsy and makes this big deal ab how “HES NOT PROPOSING BUT HE WOULD BUT LIKE- LATER ON BUT HES NOT PROPOSING AT ALL ITS JUST A PRETTY RING” he gives me secondhand embarrassment sometimes. really tho gets so giddy seeing you wear anything he buys you and if anyone ever compliments the ring he loves hearing you say “thanks! my boyfriend got it for me for valentines:)”

kageyama tobio ♡

he gives you this ratty ass old ass volleyball and you are trying your best to give him a convincing smile, but you’re really, really confused? it wasn’t the fact that it was volleyball related, it was just the fact it was so old. he rolls his eyes and turns it in your hands to show the tape on the other side of it. ‘kageyama t. grade 4’ MF GAVE YOU HIS FIRST FUCKING VOLLEYBALL PLSSSS that’s so goddamn cute i’m gonna throw up. you cried idc

oikawa tooru ♡

oikawa tooru is an overcompensating bastard man. no matter what he’s doing, he feels the need to prove himself. he kind of goes too hard for valentines LMAO. flowers and chocolates? yea. a teddy bear? i wouldn’t be surprised. a jersey? you betcha. romantic picnic at night? if you want. a playlist? probably. a necklace? maybe so. your favorite part, though, is the little note he writes you talking about how grateful he is for you that he slipped in your (his) jacket pocket at the end of the night. neither of you bring it up tho- bc emotions 🤢

sugawara koushi ♡

old fashion sweetheart i sure do love this man. i’m sorry to be so vague for this one, but his gift is definitely some very niche, partially homemade idea of some inside joke of yours. he wants you to know it’s personal to him, that he really put a lot of thought into your gift and that he loves you. a cute little stay at home kinda date, and you two make dinner together as you listen to your favorite playlists and laugh. very good fella. love him sm.

tsukishima kei ♡

his gift is that he doesn’t insult u all day😁🤝 no. no it’s not. he still insults you you’re not fucking dying why wouldn’t he? he burns you a cd and then realizes that’s kinda not cool and so he just makes you a playlist. actually explains the reason for each song (not verbally, though) and he brings u strawberry short cake bc he is convinced it’s the pinnacle of desserts he does not care if you like smth more take the gesture.

bokuto kotaro ♡

this lil dummy is so doting. starts your day off by bringing you your favorite coffee or tea and a lil kiss. he buys you guys something matching LMAO like maybe some bracelets or smth and while i am not a big “matching” fanatic and i don’t think bokuto would necessarily be an avid bracelet wearer, but he will not take that bracelet off unless it’s like a tournament game. definitely takes you out to some fancy dinner and also probably gets you kicked out of the restaurant

akaashi keiji ♡

akaashi is very down to earth. so, he knows what you’re going to want. he also knows what he wants to give you. so let’s say you’re really really into smth he rly rly hates, he’ll listen to you talk about it absolutely, but he might not spend money on it? in his eyes, the gift would be just like your relationship— a mutual understanding where two separate people come together. i cant say what it would be specifically (i’m sorry D: if u want my generic answer it would be: a lamp), but it definitely is a representation of what the two of you are together.

iwaizumi hajime ♡

he gives you something disgustingly meaningful. like the kind of nice that makes you want to gag yknow? but you don’t really know how meaningful it is at first?? he gives you like this little “photo book” esque thing, and you KNOW oikawa gave him the idea LMAO. it’s already so cute but at the end there’s just a little piece of paper with a day on it and you’re like what? and he shrugs and goes “wonder what that is? hmm” and you know he’s teasing u so u kinda joke ab it but he won’t tell u. then at the end of your date when he’s dropping you home he kisses you and he’s like “oh yea, that paper??” and you’re like omg yes finally and he looks so nonchalant when he says “yea, kinda weird that i remember this, but that’s the day i fell in love with you🤢” and he nods and laughs and you’re just Staring. you are STARING loss for words but he fucking leaves before you can ask him ab it. this made me physically sick to write bye

matsukawa issei ♡

simpleton scrub. buys you a gag gift or pretends he doesn’t remember. starts breaking out laughing when you try to hide ur disappointed look (it’s ok to punch ppl sometimes😁‼️). his real gift is kinda cliche, but i feel like he really has no idea what he’s doing for like actual relationships even if he tries to hide it. he just gets you like one of those rectangle bar necklace, and he does get his initials on it bc he’s kind of a braggy fuck, but he only does it on one side so you can choose whether to show it or not.

miya atsumu ♡

this man is absolutely a perfectionist. he is so loving, absolutely, but he’s also kind of immature? so, he’s a little nervous to give you a gift because what if yours isn’t as good. LMAO it sounds rude, but he always wants to be pushed to be better and do better, and even tho this is a declaration of affection, he can’t help but attaching competition? so he buys you two gifts- a mediocre one and what he thinks is really good. the mediocre one is just like a stuffed animal and the really good one is personalized, and well thought out, and it just Screams that he loves you. it definitely centers on a passion of yours so i can’t get like a specific example but if you play guitar he like bought you a fucking case youve wanted for months kinda vibe LMAO. also, truth be told, bc he’s a sucker for you, no matter what u get him he’s gonna give u the “mediocre” gift and the other one as well.

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sunarinexe · 3 years

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haikyuu boys looking after their sick s/o ♡

ft: oikawa t. , bokuto k. , kenma k. , atsumu m. , kuroo t.

tooru oikawa ~

omg caring boyf!

very lightly scolds you for not looking after yourself, to which you look at him like 😐

boy cant say shit

overall very good at looking after you and knows exactly how to cheer you up!

gets pouty when you say you cant cuddle because then he might get sick :(

it was lowkey tooru's fault that you were sick in the first place. you were supposed to meet him at the school gates after his practice. when you arrived there were a few grey clouds in the sky but you didn't think much of it as you weren't supposed to be waiting that long.

But after about 10 minutes of waiting, you felt little rain droplets land on your head. Not even 5 minutes later, the light rain had turned into a full blown storm. You ran to a shelter, but your uniform was already soaked. You could already feel shivers running up your spine as you tried to dry yourself and preserve your body heat.

By the time Tooru found you, you were shaking from the cold but you're cheeks and forgead were burning up. "y/n-chan! oh god, are you okay? you're soaking!" you were so frustrated with him for taking this long but all you wanted was to go home. you looked up at tooru as he brushed your damp hair out of your face. " i was waiting for your practice to end but you were probably doing extra practice again, weren't you?" you challenged him. tooru's eyes widened and he pulled you into a hug. "come on, let's get you home baby".

As soon as you walked throught the door, you were stripped of your damp uniform and ushered into a warm shower. You felt a little better afterwards but your nose and eyes were still pretty watery and your fever wasnt going down much.

Tooru wrapped you in a blanket burrito for your shivering body and pressed a cool damp cloth against your forehead for your fever. With some of your favourite snacks next to you on a coach and a cheesy sci-fi movie on the tv, you leaned against Oikawa with his arm draped around your shoulder. He patted your head every now and then with the occasional head kiss until you fell asleep.

(side note: he carried you to bed and tried to cuddle up and nap with you, but you woke up and told him he wouldn't be able to play volleyball if he got sick. that shut him up real quick but wouldn't make his pout go away 🥺)

koutarou bokuto ~

would be SO pouty if you didnt show up for school one day bc u were sick

leaving poor akaashi to deal with his slump :(

originally tried to leave school to come see you but you said you would lock your door if he left 🥺

he just wants to help

would literally BOLT to your house as soon as he could

"BABY WHERE ARE YOU?!"

You were woken from your nap to a bang of your front door and Kou shouting for you. However, due to your sore throat you couldnt really answer, so you sort of just waited for him to find you like a puppy. You could hear his heavy footsteps running around the house, opening every door looking for his beautiful s/o.

When your bedroom door flew open, you saw a disheveled Bokuto, his uniform a mess and his hair droopy. His eyes lit up when he saw you and a big grin formed on his face. "BABY! OH MY GOSH I WAS SO WORRIED ARE YOU OKAY DO YOU NEED ANYTHING??" he yelled rushing towards you and jumping onto your bed next to you to embrace you. Not hearing an answer, he looked up at you with some confusion. "Baby?". You sighed and pointed to your throat, indicating you couldn't talk without it hurting. Don't worry because Bokuto is a firm believer that kisses and cuddles are the best medicine for any sickness! He talked your ear off while holding you close, chatting about his day and his teachers and how he landed a killer spike in practice, all the while you hummed and traced random shapes on his chest.

(side note: dont even try to tell kou you cant cuddle because you're sick. this man will NOT listen)

kozume kenma ~

pls he probs wouldnt even notice you werent watching their practice until kuroo or lev pointed it out

that's weird you caught the train to school with him this morning?

he'd text you after practice asking you were you were to which you replied "oh i went home bc i threw up in the bathroom lmao im ok tho 🥰"

he didn't believe you were okay for a second you just didnt want him to worry.

hed stop by a convenience store on the way to your house to pick up some snacks and drinks you like for when you feel better.

and just rocks up to your door unannounced 🤪

"kenma? what are you doing here?" you asked the boy stood awkwardly at your front door. kenma knew he was right, you definitely didnt look okay. you were pretty pale and wrapped up in layers of jumpers and blankets but you looked sweaty at the same time.

without saying anything, he gently pushed you to your bed after shutting the door behind him. he took off his backpack and school blazer and v-neck, laying them on your desk chair. he took out the bag of goodies and his game from his backpack and sat against the headboard of your bed, all without saying anything. you were about to question him again when you were pulled backwards and laid down in between his legs, your back against his chest and his head sat softly atop of yours. gently wrapping his arms around you, with his game in his hand, you watched him play quietly, sometimes asking questions about it which he happily answered and even offered you a go as long as you didnt mess up his score. every once in a while, hed feed a snack into your mouth while watching you play in his lap. <3

atsumu miya ~

this dude turned up at your front door like he did every morning to walk to school with you and samu.

however, when you came outside in your uniform, he immediately noticed you were most certainly NOT well.

mother fucker hoisted you over his shoulder and walked you back inside, all the while shouting to samu to 'cover for him at school'

the audacity of this bitch

after realizing what was happening, you started punching tsumu's back and ordering him to put you tf down. "sorry doll, but i wouldnt be much of a good bf if i let 'ya go to school sick, now would i?". you just went limp in his arms and accepted your defeat.

he took you into the kitchen and sat you on the countertop, giving you a quick peck on your nose before turning round and rummaging around in cupboards to find medicine. after finding the right one, he coaxes you into taking it because apparently "'ya may be his baby but 'ya cant act like one when you're the same age as him" (🙄).

proceeds to try and cook you some nice food but apparently he doesnt share his twin's cooking talent. so he sheepishly orders delivery after you convinced him to give it up. carries you up to bed AGAIN even though you tell him you're perfectly capable of walking up the stairs. throws pyjamas at you and orders you to change while he just changes it to what was supposed to be today's practice clothes, which reminds you to scold him for ditching school. pulls you onto his lap and shuts you up with a kiss. keeps trying to make out with you but you tell him you cant because you're sick. acts SUPER pouty about it but practically chucks you off of his knee onto the floor when he hears the doorbell for the food.

tetsuro kuroo ~

was high-key very worried when you didnt show up at your date as planned.

got scares and ran to your house to see if u were okay

(has a spare key aw)

he quietly called out your name to see if you were there.

not getting a response he cracked open your bedroom door to see you curled up under the covers fast asleep with the curtains closed despite it being 1pm.

after rubbing your eyes to wake up properly, you checked your phone. you tensed up after seeing the time and loads of missed calls and texts from 'tetsu <3'. you slapped your forehead, cursing yourself even though it wasnt really you're fault. you just get extremely tired when you're sick and tend to sleep a lot.

you jumped up out of bed, trying to ignore the dizziness in your head as you frantically searched for some clothes. however, darkness clouded your vision for a few seconds and you fell out cold onto your bedroom floor.

you woke up for a second time to tetsu's worried face and him shaking you awake. you stared back groggily at him. "tetsu... TETSU?!" you cried, your eyes shooting open. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY IM SORRY FOR BEING LATE WE CAN STILL GO OUT RIGHT?". Kuroo looked at you super confused. "kitten, why are you apologising? you can't help that you were sick and no absolutely not we cant go out you're staying here you clearly need rest." he said while picking you up bridal style and tucking you back into the bed covers. "now wait here, i made your favourite, let me go get it before it does cold"

babyed you when he came back, blowing on your food if it was hot and feeding it to you. constantly giving you little pecks. when you finished he put the dishes in the kitchen sink, opting to wash up when you fell asleep again which he was determined to be in his arms this time <3

#oikawa headcanons #haikyuu imagines #kenma fluff #oikawa fluff #oikawa x reader #kenma x reader #kuroo testuro #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo scenarios #kuroo imagine #kuroo tetsurō #atsumu scenarios #atsumu fluff #haikyuu!!#haikyu x reader

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oikawasass · 4 years

Note

IM A BAKUHOE CAN U PLS DO 74 OR 76 WITH BLASTY ASS 🥺🥺🥺 - midoriya anon

hi I did both cause they were cute.

also new posting format baby lets goooo 😎

its also like almost 3am and this is half-ass edited so forgive me but I hope its alright

prompt 74 : “You’ve shown me what love can feel like.”

prompt 76 : “I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

reassurance.

‣ pairing : bakugo x fem reader.

‣ oneshot.

‣ synopsis : bakugo finally confronts his girlfriend on why she’s been so distant.

‣ wordcount : 2.1k

‣ warnings : swearing, angst if you squint.

a series of heavy knocks could be heard on the other side of her door, immediately alerting her of who exactly it was. there was only one boy in the u.a dorms who could knock like he was about to punch straight through the wooden panel, and that was, of course, bakugo katsuki.

(name) shut off her phone and pulled her pillow over her head, dreading the conversation she knew would come about if she let him inside. so naturally, she ignored the knocks in hopes that the blonde who was about to start throwing down with her door would go away.

but we all know katsuki is far too stubborn for that.

another series of much louder knocks erupted from the doorway, as bakugo grew more and more impatient from the lack of response.

“oi, open up already dumbass, I know you’re in there.”

truth is, (name) had found herself in a bit of a rut, and had been feeling rather insecure for the past few weeks. the first little while she’d been begun feeling that way, she was able to bite the bullet and keep going about her life, pushing most of her negative thoughts aside as best she could. but now, for the past 5 or so days she’s been completely cut off.

talking to her boyfriend about things wasn’t hard for her. she trusted him and didn’t find it too difficult to open up when something was bothering her, but this was different.

insecurity was something bakugo typically didn’t acknowledge and quite frankly, looked down on most of the time. (name) didn’t wanna find herself bothering him with something she knew he most likely would think is annoying, hence the multiple weeks she had kept quiet about it, hoping it would go away on its own or she’d be able to figure it out herself.

unfortunately for her, things didn’t go quite according to plan when she continued to spiral downwards.

she’d been quiet in her classes, noticeably dodging bakugo and her friends, not sticking around for lunch or after training like she normally would, and everyone noticed she was off. everyone including katsuki.

he wanted to give her space to ‘sort her shit out’ before he began pestering and questioning her, as normally he’d want the same thing, but now it was coming up on a week and they’d hardly spoken. a few mutters of (name) saying “cant, homework.” or “sorry, I’m tired.” was all that had been said that week.

so naturally, bakugo got tired of all the silence and went to do what he did best. confront her. he wanted to know what the hell was going on, he was tired of pulling his hair out trying to figure out what he did wrong.

(name) didn’t answer the door once more. she knew she had fucked up pretty bad by ignoring him, but she didn’t know what else to do. and now she had to confront whatever problem she may have caused, which only made her want to curl up and hide more.

alas, when she heard a much softer, much quieter,

“please?”

coming from the hallway, she broke.

standing up with a heavy sigh, the (colour) haired girl stood up from her bed, rubbing her eyes and walking over to unlock the door, immediately going and flopping down into her mattress afterwards.

katsuki walked inside, shutting the door behind him and shoving his hands into the pockets of his black sweats. scanning over her figure, he took note of her tired eye bags, messy thrown up hair, and these fuzzy black penguin patterned pyjama pants which he knew she only wore when she was upset. paired with one of his hoodies she had stolen, of course.

“you look like shit.” bakugo grumbled, going and sitting down on the end of her bed, sinking into the soft (colour) duvet on top.

“good to see you too, babe.” (name) replied sarcastically, turning and shoving her face into a pile of her pillows.

there was an uncomfortable silence hanging over the room for a moment as katsuki figured out what he wanted to say, and it was obvious that (name) wasn’t gonna say anything first. with a heavy sigh, the blonde ran a hand through his thick, spiky hair and spoke up.

“did I- did I do something or whatever the fuck?” he asked, his words a bit harsh but his much quieter tone helping to deliver them much easier.

(name) bit the inside of her cheek gently, keeping her face hidden in the pile of sheets and freshly washed pillows.

“what makes you think that?” her response was mumbled by the fabric practically eating her face.

“don’t play dumb, shithead. you’ve been dodging me all week. you’re normally all- all clingy and shit and you never cancel plans.”

clingy. that one stung a bit.

“so if I did something to piss you off just- just fucking tell me already cause I’m getting really damn tired of-“

“you didn’t do anything, alright? chill out.” (name) cut him off, rolling onto her back so now the couple was making eye contact once more.

bakugo tsked, throwing his hands in the air a bit and letting them fall onto his lap.

“so then why the hell have you been blowing me off all week, huh?”

(name) sighed heavily, rubbing her eyes and sliding her hands down her face as she struggled with how exactly to articulate that she’d been feeling incredibly insecure and didn’t wanna be a nuisance to him without sounding like an absolute moron.

“I just- I’ve just been feeling shitty lately and I didn’t wanna bug you with it while I sort things out, okay?” she explained vaguely, nervously fidgeting with her fingers while she avoided his gaze.

when she mentioned she hadn’t been feeling well, bakugo softened up a little bit. he knew sometimes she got like this, having periods of time where she just wasn’t herself, but normally she came to him herself and told him what was up. so he couldn’t quite understand why this time was different.

bakugo sighed and stood up to go lay beside her, propping himself up on his elbow while resting his cheek in the palm of his hand.

“well why did you just say that in the first place, dumbass?”

he wasn’t a great advice giver, and he wasn’t great at comforting, but when it came to things like this he was a pretty good listener, so he always offered up his ears when (name) was feeling down.

“what’s got you down, huh? talk to me already.”

the girl beside him continued to fidget and play with her fingers, debating on whether she actually wanted to explain to him her feelings, or just shrug him off and do her best to convince the blonde it was something else.

she was ping-ponging back and forth. lie and most likely not get away with it but still not sound stupid, or tell the truth and have your boyfriend think you’re an idiot. a wide variety of lovely choices she had to choose from.

yet, in the end, she decided it would be best to be honest with him. oftentimes, nothing good came out of lying in these types of scenarios, and she surely didn’t want to fuck up more than she already might have. sure, katsuki wasn’t mad for the time being, but that boy’s temper can switch on and off like a light sometimes. so she still approached the situation cautiously.

“I feel just- annoying and like I’m a bother to you with this shit all the time so I didn’t wanna throw all my problems or whatever into you again, alright?

you’re practically this idol student who’s so damn cocky and confident in himself, so when….”

she sighed, trying to find the words once more.

“when I start feeling gross and insecure, or when I’m starting to completely flop in some of my classes, I just- i feel like I just become this huge weight on your back and..” she swallowed, slowing herself down as she felt herself begin to rant.

“…and it’s embarrassing! you shouldn’t have to deal with me feeling like an idiot, you have enough on your plate as it is and- and I should be able to deal with this kind of shit on my own, not immediately run to you whenever I feel-”

(name’s) midoriya-muttering speed ranting was cut off when a familiar pair of plush lips were pressed up against her own, immediately shoving all her worries into the back of her mind. she hadn’t realized how much she missed something as simple as a kiss from her boyfriend in the week she’d been distancing herself from him.

after a moment or so, when bakugo was sure she would be shut up enough for him to speak, he pulled away.

rolling onto his back, bakugo waved her over to him, using his other hand to prop up his head from behind.

“come here, just be quiet and listen for a sec will ya?”

(name) was not hesitant to cuddle right up into his side, tangling her legs in with his and resting her head atop his toned chest. after wrapping an arm tightly around her shoulders, rubbing her back slowly, the boy began to speak.

“it’s my job to be here for you, okay idiot? as sappy as it sounds, when you’re upset, I’m upset too. I don’t like seeing you down, it makes me feel like a shitty boyfriend for not bein’ able to help.” he leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

“you shouldn’t be embarrassed to tell me shit, doesn’t matter how stupid you think it is.

nobody’s perfect, alright? get that through your head.” bakugo said, flicking her forehead gently. (name) chuckled quietly.

“even you?”

“only sometimes, but that doesn’t leave this room.” bakugo answered, smirking to himself.

“listen, I know you’re a badass, and you can get through shit on your own. you’re strong as hell.

but that doesn’t mean you can’t take it. speaking from experience, sometimes it’s better to just bite your tongue and accept the help from people that care about you.”

(name) listened to every word that he said very carefully, letting them sink in as she processed them. it was rare that bakugo got like this, but when he did, it was rather impressive how easy he was able to make her feel better. his advice sucked half the time, sure, considering “blasting the fuckers to hell” isn’t always an option, but this kind of advice was something she’d keep with her always.

“you’re damn special, you know that? you’ve done somethin’ even better than getting a decent grade on your stupid chemistry test.”

bakugo stated, leaning his head back so his gaze was fixated on the ceiling, closing his eyes with a sigh. (name) furrowed her eyebrows together slightly, tilting her head up to look at her boyfriend.

“wait, but what did I do exactly?” she asked, curiosity lacing her tone. bakugo placed a hand on top of her head, ruffling her hair a bit.

“you’ve shown me what love can feel like. somethin’ I thought i’d never know or go through. so to do that, you’ve gotta be pretty fuckin’ incredible.”

(name) smiled up at him and leaned up a bit more to kiss his jaw, returning to her comfy spot on his chest right after.

“I’m sorry that I get like this. I’ll work on it, ‘kay?” (name) said quietly, still feeling a bit bad that bakugo had to go and tell her all this, though she can’t deny that it made her extremely happy to hear.

“shut up with that already, will you? you know I wouldn’t change a damn thing about you.”

and that was enough to reassure (name) almost completely, that her negative feelings and emotions weren’t as bad as she had been painting them out to be.

with a soft smile, and a slow close of her eyes, (name) nuzzled closer up into bakugo, her cheek squished up against his chest.

“I love you, you big softie.”

“yeah yeah, whatever. I love you too.”

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reachfolk · 3 years

Note

Sorry but Borkul the Beast? 👀 i need more information! and Bothela!! I love her so! Does that mean Lexi knows Muiri?

OOOHH BESTIE U CANT JUST ASK ME THAT, i will go on about it for ages!! i have SO much to say about alexi's childhood in markarth and some pretty detailed notes on her relationship with a lot of the residents of the city, ESPECIALLY bothela who's like her #1 role model and one of the most positive influences in her life. this is my (failed) attempt to keep my ramblings short.

so when it comes to borkul the beast, i actually have a long ass fanfic in the works explaining the details of how they met, but the gist is: her uncles (thonar and thongvor silver-blood) have always wanted to get rid of their eldest brother/alexandria's father and his whole side of the family because of his marriage to a reachwoman. alexi pretty much spent her entire life with a target on her back, and a complex set of circumstances basically ended up landing her and her siblings in jail when she was 17 and robin & marceline were only 12 years old. it was there that she met all the cidhna mine prisoners, and it took a while but they eventually got on everyone's good side. borkul was the hardest to convince, but when lex threw up a fire cloak spell and tackled him to the ground because he was scaring her siblings, she earned his respect lol. he ended up insisting to teach her how to throw a proper punch. this is the promo for the fic btw:

as for bothela,, oh my god i love her. she and alexi's aunt from her mother's side, ursula dain, are an old lesbian power couple. they took on alexi as an apprentice, with bothela teaching her alchemy and ursula teaching her magic. & alchemy is such a core part of lexi as a character; it shapes the way she looks at the world and is why she has such a strong connection to namira. the fact that even the most repulsive things, including bugs, flesh, blood, and organs can be used for alchemy makes her inherently drawn to namira's sphere of all things gross as shit lol. but that's a whole post on its own!! the point is that all of this is largely thanks to bothela's teachings. alexi wouldn't be the same person at all if not for her. i have a lot of headcanons about how she is as a teacher and tons of little stories of her interactions with lex!!

as for muiri !! the light of my life <3 i hc that she's a little younger than lexi and only hired as an apprentice after alexi left home. when she does finally visit bothela again (disguised so as to not alert the guards), she's already an expert alchemist, and muiri only recently started. alexi makes a joke about how, "bothela, i can't believe you'd replace me like this!!" but she's super sweet to muiri. they kinda have that dynamic of "alumnus that graduated with straight A's and the struggling freshman they help out." when muiri is having trouble remembering what different ingredients do or how to make a certain potion, lex happily offers to give her the old notebooks she filled when she was just starting and gives her all sorts of tips. bothela is a very harsh teacher, but alexi assures her that she's only that harsh with people she sees potential in. they definitely would exchange letters every now and then!!

#oc: alexandria silver blood #ur an angel for humoring me lol i just love talking abt my girlie!! esp about her childhood home 😭❤#cozy answers #cozy writes #tesblr #bothela #muiri #borkul the beast

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hey-hamlet · 5 years

Text

BNHA AU Ideas: Power Transfer

Also on AO3!

TL;DR:

One for all is a power that has been passed down for generations. Turns out the most recent generation can afford to be a whole lot more liberal with his sharing. Also turns out sharing quirks runs in the family.

An AU where Izuku can share OFA full cowling with multiple people at once.

shared power ofa,

izuku giving aizawa 5% of one for all durring the usj or izuku giving toshinori 99% of OFA durring the last fight

cause consider the world never finding out about small might, all might retires but izuku knows

the rescue team all having the max amount of ofa they can use, which is around 2% each, cause a lil sparking team of heroes

izuku using kirishima to give bakugo some too n them using it to get away

izuku having two quirks is my favourite goddamn thing bc him being able to share his quirk but not having anything to share is great

he gives bits to allmight, like a constant 1% so he can teach classes and do press stuff

some rando wants to do an "all might" where is he now segment and it spans a good few months so izuku is continuously in the background just

conspiracy theory starts that izuku is a villain or allmights son

a villain and all might's son

izuku has no double toe joint but the doc cant find any evidence of a quirk? so he tells them izuku is either quirkless or has an invisible quirk. something subtle, or specific enough to have not activated by now

bakugo kinda,, is chill with izuku. he was waiting for izuku to develop a quirk till he judged him, but he never did so he kinda withheld judgement long enough for them to become decent friends

anyway, izuku likes to ramble about different things his quirk could technically be, bakugo likes to join in. they can go at this for h o u r s cackling about stupid hypotheticals

they workout together, they both do boxing and try out random moves they see on the internet on each other. they have a pile of gym mats in the woods like the weirdos they are

bakugo is like,, convinced izuku's quirk is actually an intellect up but he just shrugs

izuku has to grab something before he heads home so he takes the underpass and we get basically episode 1 from there. all might says no, the villain gets away, attacks Bakugo. izuku runs in, throws dust in the villain's eyes and pulls at bakugo's hands. all might jumps in, saves the day yada yada

some background for u about all might bc his past is a touch different here. during the battle with afo, afo was distracted. all might sustained the same injures but won more easily.

night eye never looks into his future because "my purpose is done, nighteye. let's live like everyone else, no fate of the world on our shoulders" he never looks into all mights future again at his request

they stay together

so instead of the big argument they go get ramen and get drunk because they don't have to be superhuman anymore, they can relax now

back to the main timeline-

so izuku is already fit, cleans the beach in 8 months, nighteye supervises

all might gives izuku the quirk 2 months before the entrance exam, nighteye is there to "oversee" (he wants to see izuku choke on a hair and laugh at this kid hes become pretty fond of)

also mirio! is izuku's bro because i love he

izuku eats the hair and gets the quirk like, instantly which?? is confusing nighteye and all might. nighteye has like,,, hidden behind a car because hes the only person with self-preservation

allmight touches izuku and the lightning climbs up his arm and he just pOofs out into swolmight. hes ShooK, so is izuku

anyway, he manages to turn it off and izuku is just standing there like "oh my god what the fuck"

"izuku,, what,, happened there"

",,,, one for all??? leaked out??? into allmight????"

...

"nighteye come over here."

"izukU nO"

"STAND STILL NIGHTEYE I JUST NEED TO TRY SOMETHING"

nighteye is forcibly given a little of ofa and regrets a lot of stuff

anyway, izuku breaks an arm trying to use ofa and hes muttering trying to work out how to use it, nighteye basically says "well, think back to how ofa came about" and izuku is like ",,, what"

and nighteye screams because TOSHI YOU DIDNT TELL HIM?????? and allmight ",,, o o p s"

so izuku gets to hear the story of all for one while hes being driven to UA for recovery girl hes,,, really quiet for a second

"when did you fight him?"

"six years ago, april?"

",,, this has to be a coincidence"

hisashi went out on a "business trip" 6 years ago and they haven't seen him since. he calls, but hes never visited and izuku has this terrible feeling

because izuku cant calm down and because nighteye thinks this kid might be on to something they call tsukauchi and he agrees to meet them at UA

izuku gets treated, naomasa is in v quickly afterwards before he calls his dad he turns to nighteye, allmight and Naomasa

"i've never been able to lie to my dad. i thought he was just really good at reading me but,,"

"if hes afo he might have a quirk"

"yeah. so i'll just twist the truth. im good at that, but thats all i'll be able to do"

anyway, he calls up his dad and slaps this big grin on his face. the phone is on speaker

"hey dad!!!!" "izuku! is something wrong?"

"oi, cant i call my dad for no reason?"

"you, willingly calling someone? dont make me laugh"

izuku giggles despite himself

"anyway, you'll never guess!!"

"did youuuu,,,, hmmmm, meet all might?"

they freeze but izuku just laughs

"yeah,, but thats not the most exciting thing!!! my quirk came in finally"

"oh?"

"yeah! imagine the worlds most basic power enhancer, but i can share the energy! you have any idea where that could have come from?"

"no! i can't think of anyone in our family with a quirk like that! sounds crazy!"

naomasa looks grin, and mouths "liar"

izuku pales but keeps his smile

"do you think you could visit, id love to show you!! oh, maybe we could test it together! you always had the best ideas for my quirk notes"

"id love to izuku, but im stuck in america for the near future, you know it is. i'll see what i can do tho, ok champ?"

naomasa shakes his head again "lying" izuku looks like hes going to be sick. nighteye is pale, all might looks stunned. izuku grits his teeth but his voice is still light and happy

"i'm gonna make it into UA so you can watch me kick butt from america! you better cheer me on!"

"im looking forward to it. say hi to your mother from me."

naomasa nods. hes telling the truth. that makes nighteye feel the sickest

"love you izuku"

",,, love you too dad"

izuku hangs up the phone and retches into the bin. nighteye is shaking. all might storms out. naomasa punches the wall

izuku looks up with tears in his eyes

",,, does my mum know?"

nighteye wants to cry

"i dont know kid"

izuku tells katuski that his quirk finally came in! but,,, in the worlds biggest mess of a way

basically hes lying in bed, trying to work out why he can't use it without breaking bones but the people he shares it with can, he bolts upright

"POWER MODULATION OH MY GOD"

he runs out his door all the way to bakugos house and climbs in through his window, grabbing a sleeping bakugo by the shoulders

"KACCHAN ITS POWER MODULATION"

"IZuKU whAt tHE fuCK"

"my quirk!!! i was breaking bones because i wasnt modulating it!!!"

",,,,q QUiRK/???/?"

",,,, oh yeah oops"

mitsuki runs in with a frying pan ready to murder a villain but its just izuku

"carry on"

izuku doesnt tell him its ofa but he explains his quirk has finally showed up, bakugo asks him if hes registered it yet

",,,noooooo"

"wait what? you, breaking the law? mister "i cant kill an ant because all might himself will call me a villain""

izuku, w the most shit-eating grin, explains that you only legaly have to register your quirk when it shows up, or after you are tested when you are five, whichever happens first so, legally, he doesnt need to register because it would be seen as voluntary updating

cut to the enterance exam

aizawa is holding the papers for the kids hes observing right then

"quirkless? that kid doesn't look quirkless"

and yagi sighs

"of course he didnt,,,"

"all might? do you know him?"

"NO NO IDEA WHO MID- THAT YOUNG CHILD IS"

",,,, r i g h t"

“aizawa listen i have never seen young midoriya in my life ever”

basically, izuku is hiding the "transfer" part of his power from most people bc hes stubborn and thinks it could be useful

also,,, in this au shinso makes it in on hero points thanks

bakugo is about to rush the 0 pointer but shinso can see its going to fall on him shinsou yells

"HEY FUCK FACE"

"HA-"

"MOVE MOVE MOVE GET OVER HERE BEFORE YOU FUCKING DIE OH MY GOD MOVE I DONT WANT TO SEE SOMEONE DIE TODAY"

shinsou and bakugou are the type of friends that flat out have no love for each other but would punch anyone who says anything bad abt the other. like shinsou walks into school and bakugou s just

“dammit i thought u fucking died smh”

“i wish i did then i wouldn’t have to look at ur ugly ass”

in this au shinso and izuku bond when they are standing outside they door bc izuku looks like hes gonna fucking cry hes so scared and shinsou is like "wow big mood"

shinso is not shinson in this au! bc izuku is gonna do a soft

basically, quirk test? shinsou is s w e a t i n g bakugo looks a little worried for his new friend but no one would notice if they weren’t izuku

shinsou turns to him like "my quirk is mental im going to fa I L"

izuku grabs his hand and he feels this rush of energy, you can almost see it dancing along his skin. izuku grins

"i think you'll find you do just fine"

(izuku gave him like,, less than a full 1% but hes like doubled in strength and speed and hes??? shook?? bc whats happening)

aizawa is lost bc shinso has a mental quirk he shouldnt be doing this well, so he tries to cancel it

nothing happens and aizawa is so lost??? bc shinsou is kinda reedy and not super fit but hes placing solidly in the middle

and he noticing that shinso’s eyes seem to be glowing and so are they eyes of the kid coming in second and gives a big "hm,mmmm"

anyway, ball pitch, he cancels izukus quirk and turns to look at shinso, his eyes are dim. izuku looks sheepish but also like hes ready to throw down and its an interesting look

aizawa just sighs "you know what? just throw the ball."

izuku g r i n s and yeets it into next year using more of his quirk than he like,, really should have? to prove a point (his finger is bruised, not broken. he used 25%)

anyway aizawa shows the results, shinso is in the middle, izuku second, hagakure is last and sadly shes not getting expelled bc plot reasons – im sorry I have a thing against her shes perfectly valid probably im just still convinced shes the traitor even tho its totally a teacher

he calls izuku out on it but does admit he didnt say you couldnt help eachother, so its kind on him. shinso looks like hes going to pass out with relief

Hagekure is the traitor in this au though, 100%

during the camp she is at the pick up zone, hiding. izuku pulls bakugo out of the way, they all seem safe

but

she pushes izuku in through the portal as it closes

fyi afo takes her quirk and leaves her braindead in the nomu factory bc shes not useful anymore. also because now he needs to have a really awkward conversation with his son he was hoping to avoid

also usj? is really melodramatic

he gives aizawa 4% which is the max nighteye could hold without it hurting

aizawa takes a hit from the nomu and he reaches out his hand

izuku cries as he gives him an extra 4% and aizawa gets free but he can see bruises forming with every step his teacher takes

#bnha au #bnha #aizawa shouta #aizawa #eraserhead #midoriya izuku #Izuku #Midoriya #shinsou hitoshi #All Might #yagi toshinori #Nighteye #bakugou katsuki #Class 1A #power transfer au

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mistymark · 5 years

Text

nct dream as classmates

renjun

carries like 346342 things in his pencil case

is constantly drawing in his notebook and textbooks

leans over to doodle in the margins of your pages

his notes are really messy tho

rolls his eyes at ur much neater, more aesthetically pleasing notes

but is always willing to give u coloured pens and pencils to keep to a colour theme

is probably shocked to find out he's top of the class and thinks its a joke

but boy is just smart af

but all his word documents are titled like ‘redox fucking reactions’ ‘what the fuck is a chloroplast’ ‘??????????’

sends u all his notes tho

texts u at midnight all the time for no fuckin reason

it always starts with ‘yo are u still awake’

and ur like ‘yeah whats up’

and then he’ll respond with the most RANDOM shit

like what goes through that boys head

‘do u think I should use yellow or orange for the next part of my project’

‘idk send me a photo’

‘no just pick’

‘uh yellow’

‘im gonna go with blue’

either rocks up to classes looking like a god or an absolute mess theres no in between

marches through the halls with his hair a mess and doesnt give a shit

lowkey terrifies the younger students lmao

but will help them out if they ask for it

jeno

good student

studies enough but doesnt stress that much

he's just here for a good time

throws snacks at u when u frown at ur work until u look up at him and smile

lowkey worried about ur mental health

that shy kid that everyone expects to be average at all his subjects but u catch a glance of his tests and theyre all A+

owns a planner

uses it

what

I know

keeps track of a lot of school events bc he has a lot of extra curriculars

tries to get u to join more

(no)

probably knows ur schedule better than u do

‘hey jeno what do u have next’

‘calculus’

‘...’

‘that means you have chemistry’

ur always yelling at him through the halls like ‘OI JENO WHERE U GOING’ to try and find out what subject u have next

walks u to classes even if theyre in the completely wrong direction to his own

you really only have study hall together

but u had a lot of classes in common last year and ur habits of studying together just carried through I guess

has really good fashion sense

lowkey dresses like a fuckboi

donghyuck

sometimes you just wanna punch him in the face tbh

‘hey y/n can I borrow a pencil?’

‘do u have spare paper?’

‘can we share ur textbook’

but ofc u love him sm and he's ur study buddy

studying together mainly ends up with him lying on ur bed throwing a ball up in the air while u sit at ur desk and actually study

is so willing to quiz you with ur flashcards tho

beams so hard when u get something write while he's quizzing u

claims he’ll treat u to coffee afterwards but never does lmao

makes up songs and rhymes to help him remember formulas and equations

recites the quadratic formula song whenever u mention math (even if it has nothing to do with what ur learning)

always suggests going to cafes and parks and stuff to study then spends the entire time doing the opposite of studying

‘come onnn y/n u need to relax a bit’

texts u in the morning to ask u to bring him a spare calculator or something for a test bc he forgot his

claims u to be his life saver

probably has ur contact in his phone as ‘lifeline’ or something equally cheesy

really appreciates u tho

jaemin

literally the #1 study buddy

brings heaps of snacks whenever u study together

when its late he’ll text u and tell u to go to sleep

has every single study tip crammed into his head and regurgitates them all whenever u complain about having to study

furrows his brows when u say u didn't get enough sleep but doesnt say anything

he's probably popular af

flirts with the teachers and laughs when u elbow him to stop

soooo well known ?? like even people at other schools know him ??

has aesthetic notes tho

probably has his own studygram

wears soft sweaters to classes

literally just looks like he has his life in order

gets one bad grade and studies his butt off to improve

‘life is all about improving y/n we cant all be amazing at everything straight away’

keeps u sane tbh

like literally how has he not had a mental breakdown yet its the middle of the year

youve had four just this week

‘do u want me to bring u coffee this morning?’

chenle

studies with u all the time

but he doesnt actually study

he's just waiting for u to finish so u can go catch a movie or go out to eat

stays up late playing video games

*sips coffee* “I havent slept in six days”

doesnt even like the taste of coffee

all the teachers love him tho

like he's playful and cheery but is super respectful too

he's just really good w adults ?

sends u texts during class and u wonder how he hasn't been caught

probably has never had a detention

but has been close to getting one 1289823 times

that kid that carries around one 5-subject notebook and two pens and thats literally it

brings his own lunch but trades it for jisung’s lunchables

sneaks food off ur plate all the time in the cafeteria

smiles at everyone in the hallway

offers u a ride home as much as he can

or he catches the bus with you

and shares his headphones with u

jisung

probably that kid that takes aggressive notes in the back of the class

tells u to shut up during class (and its not so he can focus lmao)

tries to get all his work done in class so he has no homework

groans whenever the teacher gives u activities

makes a face whenever a new slide pops up on the board

lots of question marks in his notes

‘to find the derivative of an exponential, it stays the same?’

‘aerobic respiration occurs in three stages: ????, the Krebs cycle and the electron transport chain’

invites u over to play video games the night before a big test

‘its self care’

shut up jisung we all know u just need an excuse to hang out

the teachers convince him to sign up to be a tutor

makes u come to all his tutoring sessions

you go out to eat afterwards

and just chill on a park bench and eat food truck food until its getting late

offers u his jacket on the walk home

has really red cheeks that are ‘from the cold’

theyre not

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fart-gate · 4 years

Text

SG1

Season 2 episode 5

"NEED"

Notes by me

- heard this episode was some good shit with lots of cough whump cough here we goooooo

- the goauld are collecting raw naquada. What do they need it for

- oh I love the pyramid ships their so cool

- *Daniel runs off recklessly*

"Wish he'd stop doing that!"

- its a cloaked lady!

- when she turns around and sees Daniel for the first time. 404 cloaked lady has stopped working

- Jack is so aggravated at Daniel for being too nice

- OKAY what the fuck dude. Get your disgusting hands off my Sam or I'll punch you in the throat

- I dont think theyre gonna listen to reason Daniel

- miners!

- Sam can sense worms??? She got worm radar ????

- "I get a weird feeling when im around tealc"

"hey who doesnt"

- ITS BREAK OUT TIME

- "lets go daniel!!"

"I'm coming!"

So innocent 😭

- shit is he dead again👀

- that must have hurt like a mother fucker yikes. Reminds me of the episode of BBC Merlin when the rockslide came down and separated him and arthur

- gurl not even a minute ago you were gonna commit suicide and now you want to take over after your dad? Make up yo damn mind

- a sarcophagus! Oh its Daniel

- NICE OUTFIT

- no glasses!Daniel

- she says she dressed him in new clothes while looking him up and down like lady what the fuck. You taking peeps at my boy? You wanna fuckin fight?

- "personal responsibility for you" basically shes saying she owns you now buddy you better run

- wait how many times has he used the sarc now? Its about 3 times I think

- "glass circles" lol

- damn theyre cracked. Makes me think how many times daniel has broken or lost his glasses and had to get new ones.

- whys she so goddamn CREEPY

- why is she so fascinated with trees my respect for her goes down with every second

- she wants to hit that and you know what? She's valid

- "youre my destiny"

"BLEHGR ......what???"

On all levels except physical, Daniel is barfing so hard right now

- also ???? Destiny??? Ok george mcfly

- this psycho: anyway so me and my mom....

daniel: can we back track for a sec I have some thoughts

- "surprisingly difficult to kill you isnt it?" You got no idea Jack smh

- "nice dress"

- sg1 as slaves is something tho 👀

- I'm laughing theyre throwing a feast for Daniel while the rest of them mine coal. Tough luck guys

- 700 years old YIKES

- "I dont think you understand what they mean to me" ❤💕❤💕❤💕❤☺❤☺❤❤❤❤☺☺☺💗💗💗

- daniel being treated like the princesses boy toy lol

- honey.......dont sleep in the sarc

- what possessed him to think that this is a good idea

- jack, tealc, and Sam update: still in the mine!

- DANIELS HAIR IS POOF

- hes LOST his marbles

- "and look!!! No glasses!!" Hes so excited

- hes getting obsessed with this thing

- 9 or 10 times in the sarc???

Jack: hes drunk as fuck

- hes definitely considering marrying her. Bro youre already married. Did you forget

- Temper!Daniel

- ok so hes totally brain washed!

- he felt out of place on earth :(. You know what? The Sarc is bringing out his deep down thoughts and feelings. Things he wouldnt ever tell anyone bc when hes in his right mind, his logic counter acts these thoughts. But his logic is gone so hes just voicing everything he normally wouldn't

- sams memories of jolinar telling her whats what with the sarc! 💪

- its taking his SOUL WHAT THE HELL

- lounging!Daniel "HI JACK!!"

- hes LOST IT FOLKS THATS IT. HES AN EMPTY VESSEL NO THOUGHTS

- kicking his little feet

- of course he wants to marry a woman he met 4 days ago

- "he cant live without me anymore" OH THIS GIRLS A BITCH. SHE DID THIS TO HIM ON PURPOSE. ALRIGHT LADY SQUARE UP SOMEONE HOLD MY BEER

- "we offer the friendship of our world"

".......well thanks"

Jack is having NONE of her shit and I wholeheartedly agree

- awkward kissing!!

- jittery!daniel

- sir that is no way to talk about your wife. So what if shes different when u get her back! So are you! People change! God not having a logic filter in your brain must be exhausting

- concerned!Sam

- ALRIGHT when you start knocking shit over on purpose its time to sit in the corner on time out

- hes having withdrawals. Didnt I already say this man has been thru Enough

- Jack literally jumps on him to hold him down. Did he crush daniels pelvis or what

- Sam is right they need to let him go thru it 😩

- how the hell did he pull fraiser all the way over him lmfao hes not that strong

- oh boy! Crazy!Daniel

- 🚨the archeologist is loose🚨

- "I know what its like" oh???? Jack has dealt with addiction????

- caretaker!jack

- this is heart breaking

- when he just hugs him. Just holds him. The acting from both of them is making me sob

- P3H826 is ready to be sg1s next mission!

- daniels okay!!!! He got thru it ✊😌

- P3R636 is the planet with the Sarc and princess dick face.

- "id like Daniel back on the team" 😤😤😤😤😤😤

- I dont care about you! Stupid bitch! Manipulative ass hat

- Daniel step away from the sarc

- clearly you have no idea what love is if you think its just keeping ppl hostage

- he literally tells her to stop using it and she IMMEDIATELY picks up a staff weapon and blows it to hell like it took zero effort to convince her

- welp! Cry all you want! Youre a dumb bitch and I hope i never see you again lol

- Let Daniel Rest 2k20

Whump under the cut

Daniel jackson whump: threatened, gunpoint, sore, nervous, crushed by rockslide, healed by sarc, addiction, brain washing, jittery, withdrawal, anger outbursts , passing out, hospital scene, red eyes, sweaty, pleading, restrained, losing his mind, crying, breaking down, caretaker Jack.

Jack Oniell whump: kicked, hit with staff, coughing, fight with daniel

Whole team whump: forced kneeling, dirty, tired, weak, forced to mine

No glasses!Daniel for 90% of episode

🎶listening to Happiness Is A Warm Gun from Across The Universe Soundtrack🎶 for daniels struggle with addiction

🎶listening to Gone by Bazzi🎶 for Daniel being so confident that he was fine

#stargate season 2 #whump #jack whump #daniel whump #this had SO MUCH IT WAS SO GOOD #thank you stargate gods #no glasses!daniel

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indigopurple · 4 years

Text

Episode review! Oh no.

Its almost 1am on a school night in finals week and I've decided hey let's do a "quick" review! I might regret this but I have zero hope or belief that I'll do well either way so whatever. LETS GET STARTED ON THIS SHITSHOW NOW SHALL WE?

Ok I must say, as someone who hasnt rlly seen any of the manga besides some panels here on Tumblr, episode 914 kinda surprised me (which was just the icing on top of the huge cake that is fucking hype and stuff obviously). We some uh, behaviour we don't rlly ever get from Luffy. Not much of it anyways. This episode was kindof a mix of impel down and dressrosa. Exhibit A.

Ok so we see hes horrified. The castle was fucking obliverated along with possibly his and Law's crew and their allies. And so he gets mad and punches the tree (which BTW that was rlly cool, he just hit it without any haki and it fucking split in half. Laws just watching him throw a tantrum like holy fuck how strong is this kid honestly)

Also! Note that I said horrified. That's not anger at first. Gee I wonder what else it could be.

Exhibit B. A few times luffy used conquorers haki, and

Whoa. Holy shit like this was so fucking cool. Hes so mad, and the art and the colors and I cant even show how fucking great this was in these few screenshots. So, so fucking cool.

Anyways! He's using conquorers haki WAY MORE than he ever has before in a fight. Like, dude he just mindlessly used it to shit up those guys standing by Horselina (speed) without caring. He's never, ever done that before, he always thinks of who is surrounding him first like 'oh i shouldnt knock out the innocent bystanders'. He did that like one time ever, in fishman island, and apologized while doing so. And entering the city, AFTER learning that the guys surrounding them were all bad guys, he used haki on them. Im not sure why he cares so much (maybe ill write abt that later) but he does. ANYWAYS...

Exhibit C. *sobs*

He (tries to) convince himself that his crew is okay. Hes really not sure tho; he NEVER QUESTIONS STUFF LIKE THIS, EVER. HES ALWAYS SURE. THIS IS COMPLETELY NEW. MORE FEUL TO WHAT ILL SAY LATER, BUT...FINALLY.

Exhibit D. Finale. More crying.

He's mad at himself. He blames himself. Has he ever done this before? Maybe. He never rlly said it out loud but I high key believe he does blame himself for stuff like this, with bon kurei and ace n etc.

Which means a lot of whats happening and how he reacts is at least mildly influenced by the war. Now.... I can finally say what I've been building up to. If its not obvious enough.....

Hes scared. Okay? Hes terrified. And hes so good at hiding it behind anger (and it USED TO BE CONFIDENCE BUT THAT WAS KINDA RUINED POST-WAR). He doesnt know if his crew is alive, his friend(s) might be dead, hes supposedly all alone (law isnt rlly on his side rn, he just wants to run away which is perfectly logical and good lord Luffy needs to calm down but he fUCKING CANT-), everything is out of his control. And he doesn't know how to beat kaido.

Which currently doesnt matter to him because all luffy can feel is rage (fear that oh my god everyones dead i couldnt protect them its happening again).

I cant add any more pictures sadly, but theres the thing where luffys like 'he got our friends. They might be dead. If I beat kaido right now, it'll be over, right?' To which law doesnt actually answer, he just gets this look like 'fucking dont oh my god we're so fucked stop it u rubber ball of anger issue's and then Luffy gets this whole cool scene of announcing his presence, jumping across the rooftops, gear third as he leaps like 200 feet into the air (could he do that before? I think he did it on accident in the fight against karakuri. Strong thighs.) and falls back down, screaming and anger as he costs his arm which is 10 times his entire body's size in haki. And he punches as hard as he fucking can. And it seems to work. God that scene was SO fucking COOL. Also throught this I think he's got conquorers haki coursing through him cuz it seems to have just been, constant. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a mindless self defense mechanism. Again, He's scared, and mad, and going all fucking out. Of course he would.

Ok im done rambling. I rlly need to sleep. Think I'll just wake up and cry til im at school and then I'll just feel nothing for the rest of the week. Ah, finals.

#review #episode 914 #one piece spoilers #one piece #monkey d. luffy #kaido of the beasts #kaido one piece #straggler.txt #long post sorry #cries #sobs #FUCKING SOBS EVERYWHERE #sorry

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vivaciouswriites-blog · 5 years

Text

gauze and band-aids

pairing- marcus x reader

tw- mentions of blood and fighting

gender neutral reader

author’s note- this is my first type of headcanonish thingy?? lemme know if i should do more! enjoy :)))

_______________________________________________________________

- everyone knew about the ‘child killer’ arriving at kings and quite frankly you were really uneasy.

- the first couple of days you kept an eye on the new kid, and being associated with the rats you had to take him in due to the patriarchy at kings

- you were kinda uneasy at first but he seemed nice and was kinda funny

- even though you were hesitant at first, you guys became friends pretty quickly after a couple of days of knowing each other

- probably like 4 days after u guys become really really close friends he gets into a fight

- you insisted that he should just let it be, said that people are assholes and they cant change unless they decide too, but nothing you said could convince him to not throw punches at the dickwad

- although the person he was fighting was a complete asshole and deserved it, you didn't want marcus to get hurt

- you didn’t think marcus couldn’t defend himself, but you were more worried about the person he was fighting going to far and seriously hurting him or possibly killing him

- you watched him walk into the fight, completely terrified

- after the ordeal, you probably saw him all bloody and battered, shaking your head in disapproval before offering a hand up

- marcus insisted that the wounds would heal on their own and getting an infection wasn’t a thing for him plus that you were being too nice

- despite his complaints, the least you could do was patch him up so you snuck him into your dorm’s bathroom

- he was still shaking and being completely honest, you were shaking after watching the fight happen and you were nervous about helping marcus patch up, the amount of blood concerned you. you weren’t sure if the blood was a normal amount or too much or if it was marcus’s blood or the opponents.

- luckily, none of the wounds looked too concerning after the blood washed off, so some hydrogen peroxide, alcohol pads, gauze, and bandaids saved the day

- It was silent while marcus sat on your bathroom counter while you treated the various wounds on arms and face

- as you moved up to the wounds on his face marcus couldn’t help but get a bit nervous, he had never felt more vulnerable since he arrived at kings, but this time he wasn’t scared

- something about you tending to him, out of care and not obligation meant a lot to the boy, he realized that he trusted you with his life

- sadly, despite how much you hated marcus getting into fights, it happened and you repairing him became a routine over the next couple of months

- a couple months after the first time, it was the same thing he got into a fight and you patched him up

- these little meetings had brought you guys a lot closer.

- conversation while you stitched and disinfected marcus up was normal. small talk drifted into deeper conversations sprinkled with some jokes between the sometimes dark subjects.

- marcus and you became inseparable

- this time, there was tension in the air, marcus had gotten in a fight about you

- as many fights marcus got in, he had never had to fight for you before

- petra told you that viktor said something along the lines of you being a whore and marcus completely snapped, resulting in him being covered in blood on your bathroom counter

- this is probably one of the nastiest fights marcus had gotten himself into

- normally, he would be ranting about the fight or you guys would be talking about whatever was on your mind, but this time an unsettling silence was in bathroom

- the silence was killing both of you.

- you wanted to talk about what just happened, but inside you were screaming, your crush on marcus wasnt helping. you were a complete and utter mess

- marcus was trying to formulate a good sentence to explain what happened while you worked on cleaning the wounds on his knuckles

- he pulled away from your grasp, you looked up at him confused. Marcus opened his mouth to speak, “i-”

- “I know, don’t worry” you interrupted him

- marcus grabbed your hand and continued, “no, i just- i care about you, a lot and i couldn’t let him talk shit about you,”

- “marcus, i know, petra told me, thank you for doing that marcus”

- “you don’t know everything, y/n, petra didn’t tell you everything. i like you y/n” marcus confessed in a rushed and exasperated tone

- you were completely stunned, out of the things you thought would happen, you didn’t think this would happen right now

- “i- i like you too, but right now can i patch you up before you bleed out onto the counter?” you chuckled with a smile on your face.

#marcus lopez arguello #deadly class #deadly class imagine #deadly class x reader #marcus x reader #marcus imagine #marcus arguello #marcus arguello x reader #marcus arguello imagine #marcus arguello headcanon #marcus arguello lopez x reader #marcus arguello lopez imagine

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lenin-it-to-win-it · 6 years

Text

the lorax, but everytime a character appears its bnha and every time u read it u want 2 die

summary: oh you know damn well whats coming, sweetie

notes: its 2:35 am. i spent over an hour writing this. pls clap.

*****************************************************************************************************

it was a suny day in thneedville and the sun was shining but it was COLD and DARk in dekus hart as he gazed sadly off intot he distance. “mommm wy doesnt todoroki senpai-san NOTICE me???”” he lameneted to his mom.

“maybe its ur ugly little pissbaby child face” inko suggested as she cooked up a spaghety for brekfast.

“how can i impress him??” deku questioned

“try lifting, cucklord” said his grandma recovery girl as she casually bench bressed 600 pounds of rocks.

“how bout i find him a plant insted?” deku sugested thinking about the tre todoroki painted on his house. he had asked todoorki if he liked trees and he sed ‘ya sur i gues’. “bitches lov plants”

“yeeee i kno wat u mean giv him some *lettuce*” recovery gorl winked

“wat a bout a tree” “but TREEs are DEAD” inko exlciamed! she threw the spagheti on the floor for dramtic effect and cltuched dekus head in his hands. “Son do not SPEAK of such things or The All For One’HAre Corporation Copyright TM wil BUST thru the ROOF and kill you! Now sit down and eat ur capitalism! Consumerism is god hallejeuluah amen!”

“tree” deku whisperd

the hose exploded and every1 died but they were okey. avaracious all-for-one’hare, a tiny liitle with a shiny bowlcut and tiny little man feet bitchslaped deku across the face. “NO TREES ALLOUD!!1!” he shrieked. he bloo a kiss ot dekus mom “that plate of capitalism u have is cooking upped looks lovly mam”

inko blsuhed. “thanks”

“just make sure to keep the kiddo here away from any” all-for-one’hare, lowered his voice, which was hard bc he was already so short and low and close tothe flor. “trees”

inko gASPed! “of CORSE! i wil keep him away from the place where the trees once were by the Forbindden WAll u buildt with ur money to keep out the Bad COmmunist SentimentsTM”

recovery girl made shifty suspicious looks on her face “sure yea me too”

all-for-one’hare, was convinced. “I AM CONVINECED” he sed “by felicia!” he hopped on his hoverbord and hoverborded away.

inko cleaned the spaghety off the flor and recovery girl pulled deku by the leg into the backyard. “YO FUCKER U BETTER RUN UR ASS OVER THE COMMIE WALL AND GET A TREE SO U CAN START SLINGIN SOME MAD PUSS”

“but gramma im gay”

“then start slingin some nuts my d00d the POINT is get a TRE e” she scremed. “when i was, a yung boi, my ffather, took me over the wall, to see a bunch of trees, he sed son when, u grow up, dont kill them , the trees, and bring the nonbelievers, to come and plant new trees”

“k”

she siezed dekus sholders “GO FORTH CHILD BRING THE TREES SO WE CAN MAKE THEM GROW ANEW AS THE PROPHECY HAS FORETOLD, OUT BEYOND THE WALL LIVES A MYSTERIOUS MAN CALLED THE ONCE-FOR-ALLER, FIND HIM, HE WILL TELL YOU HIS TRAGIC TALE OF TREE AND BRING NEW LIFE TO THIS BARREN CAPITALIST HELLSCAPE, NOW GO”

“k” deku hopped on his totaly radicel scooter headed 2 the wall. a robot cat watched him forehsadowingly.

it was hella empty over the commie cuck wall with not even a bORger king in site!!!1! tree stumps covered the flor and clouds of smonk from a thousand vape pens darkened the sky. a ded bird lay deadly on the ground while its bird children cried over its bird corpse. it was sad. deku took a sad face selfie with the ded bird then did a sick ollie over the corpse and headed toward the mysterious shack in the distants.

the shack had a bucket in front of the dor labeled “piss”. deku hopped on in the piss bucket “YO ONCE-FOR-ALLER U GOT KIK??” he cried. wind wistled past his ears and he coffed from the vape smoke but then the pis buckt got pulled up on a ROPE and deku found himself hOISted up to a wINdOW!!!! he stareed face to face at a pair of black eyes with blue spots in the middle like limpid tears and some long bony arms with glvovs and yaoi hands reached out to slap him.

“WHAT” he yelled “ARE YOU DOOING” he leaned closer “IN MY SWWAAAAAAMP!????”

deku wet his pants and criied. “i sutjj,,, i jstu wann, t a t;rree,,” he said sobbily. “i,m tr yiyng to get s enpai , t o noticnse me,, an ,n and i thgout,, i fi got, hima t,r,ree, he wo uld liek me”

“fucken millenials” snarled the once for aller “its always senpai this, thrussy that, my neck my back, my snapping-chat, wy wold i giv u a tre??”

“b-because i,, i brought u a SPAGHETTY” deku exxclaimed, pulling pounds of spagheetyi out of his pockets

the once for aller slorped up the spaghetti hongrily “ya ok i gues i can tel u my storey now. its a dark and trageic tale of capitalism, like the star wors preqols” a tear ran down his bony old cheek. “but insted of jar jar binks thers only me, booboo the fool”

there was a crossdissolve and suddenly they were in the once-for allers past where he was a big bara man with bara tiddies and twinky skinny geans no where near the size needed to accomodate for his phat dong. he rode along in a cariege puled by a single muel

“FASTER AIZAWA KUN” cried the once-for-aller hapily. “those proletariats arent gonna exploit themselves!”

aizawa the mule grunted sexily and plowed on, workin that tight little mule ass.

the once-for-aller started shredding out a sick nasty solo on an elextric guitar and it was RAD AS HELL as he blasted out the opening cords to jake pol’s magmnum opiss “its everyday bro”. “we gotta dab on those haters aizawa kun” said the once-for aller with a very gay wink

aizawa the mule grunted in annoyance. he could not dab, for his sexy mule bodey had no arms.

they fond a metric shitload of trees and there were like wildlifes and shit running around. bears (like endeovor) froclikced int he woods with their hairy bara nippels exposed 2 the world, tsuyu and her frog pals swam in the woter, and tokoyami the borb boy floo in the sky wich was pure and clean without a single trace of vape smoke. the tres looked fuckable so the once for aller busted a nut against one trunk then wipped out a glock and started shootin them down “YEHAW fuCKERS iTS HIGH NOON” he screamed in texan, his native language, as he mowed downt he trees the way present mics sexy voice mows down the pussey.

sudenly DANY DEVITO IN A FURSOOT APEARED. he was tiny and magestic and orange and so fucken valid. also he was grand toledo. “CUNT” he yelled kicking the once for aller in th e kneecaps. “THIS IS THE ENVIROMENT!!!!1! YOU CANT JUST START WEED WACKIN THES TREES WITH YOUR YANKEE DONGLE DANDY AND SHOOTING THEM WITH GUNS!1! THAT IS BAD AND WRONG! CAPTIN PLANET DIED FOR OUR SINS”

the once for aller looked down at the tiny orange man then down at his own big bulgin bara tiddes “i cold crush u 2 deth with my tiddys, maybe u shuld stay out of my way dude’

dany deveto gasped angrely. “how DARE!!1!” he screamed, punching the once-for-allers big toe. “BUDDY I WILL PERSONALLY FUCK YOUR GRAVE WITH MY OWN TWO ASSCHEEKS IF YOU SAY ONE MORE FUCKING WORD, I DEFY U TO TALK SHIT, COME AT ME SCRUBLORD IM RIPT”

“try me gardfielf” the once for aller laffed “iv ben drinkign plenty of nut milk so my boneses are helthy and Stronk”

daney devito pulled out his 20 inch thunderdong and beat the once for aller in the head with it until he was past oout on the ground. the woodland crreatures danced hapily around the bodey but then he woke up

“u kno wat” he moaned “mabye capitalism isnt so good, lets al liv together in communism and friendship, and i wont cut and/or fucc any of the trees”

danny deveto was mostly appeased. “ya ok, but if u try anymore fuckin shit ill go back in time and cuck ur grandparents.”

dannneie dievoto tried to hav the once-for aller killed on at least 10 separate occasions and the once for aller did slip in some clandestine tree fuckage now and agein, but other than that the communism and friendship was good. but everything changed went he fire nation atteacked, they defeeted endevor esily but then the once for allers slutty, sluty family showed up to REEK HAVICK :0 !!!1!

the once for allers ugley mom, sir nighteye, stepped out of their cheap car and did the anime glasses thing “toshi u commie thot” he said with distaste “stop being poor”

“but MOM” the once for aller wined “i HAV to be por! its good for the envorionemnt and my new animal frends and if i dont dany devito will beat me over the head with his massive meaty man-canoe!”

“dont b lil bitch, do a capitalism.”

the once for allers loud cosin hizashy jumped out of the wagon. “YAINT” he shrieked at 1000000 decibels, killing 90% of life on erth. “ARE WE GON FUCK SOME TREES OR WHAT”

the once for aller looked at his disproving mom, then at his loud cosin, then at the very fuckable trees. his eyes lingered on a sexy sap hole. “yea we are” he said, pulling out his gitar sexily. “how bad could it posbiley be??”

the answer was prety fucken bad as it turned out. a metric fuckton of people paid to watch the once for aller and his family fuck trees to deth by throwing moneey at them like they were stripers, but then al the tres were fucked ded!!11! the bears starved into ity bity twinks, unable to maintain the THicc, tsuyu and the frogs choked and coffed up water ful of human piss as they peed in the water while laughing in delite at the once for allers antics, and tokoyami and the birbs coffed out their organs from the clouds of vape smoke filing the sky.

soon ther was no one left. the once for allers familey left with al the money, aizawa the fuckable mule was ded, and it was just the once for aller allone in the rouns of his former capitalistc glory with only the bright yellow banana suit on his back to remind him of those days.

dani devioto looked at the once for aller with sad eyes before kciking his own ass so hard he got sent rocketing thru the stratusphere, leaving behind an imapct crater with a single word

“cunt” deku whispered softly in the present as he gazed into the crator.

the once for aller sighed sadley. “iv wondered for years and yeers wat he ment by that, but i think i understand now. unless some1 like u stops being a cunt, then nothign is gona get better, u nut”

“shit fam thats deeep” sed deku

the once for aller looked at dekus pissbaby child face. “i lost evrything to capitalism, my friends, nature, my family” teers rolled down his cheks “i even sold my organs to buy cocane and strippers so now i hav a total of 2 orgens in my hole bodey.”

“kinky”

“but we can change that!” cried the once for aller passionetely. “i am going 2 giv u a tree to plant in thneedvil so communism can return and bring back the life stole from this world with my big stick diplomacy. go now, young midorieya-shonen my boy, GO FORTH IN THE NAME OF COMMUNISM AND UN-CUNT THIS MISEREBLE WORLD!!1!”

ther was an epic radicel chase seen wher deku had to fite the The All For One’HAre Corporation Copyright TM and his grandma recovery girl did sik triks on her moped and deku almost but not quite got to kis todorki senpai but they made it to the town square.

deku held todorokis hands and tenderly put the baby tre in it “here” he sed “take my seed”

todoroky noded solemly. “i hav never wanted anything more than to be given ur seed midoreya” he was about 2 plant the seed in the ground when all for one’hare appered! “NOT SO FAST FUCKHOLES” he yelled capitalistically. “this TRee is COMMuNISM!!1!” he cried to the townspeople. “do u RELLY want to be FILTHY COMMIES???”

“Commies hate micdonaleds!!1” screamed one impassoned townsperson.

“LETS BOIL THEM IN OIL” some one else agred.

“but guys wait!!!” deku cried “dont u want like, nature n shit?”

“CAPITALISTS WANT TO REPLACE EVERY REMOTELY FUCKABLE PERSON WITH A TREE” all for one’hare screamed

teh twonspoeple gasps, thens tarted chanting for deku todo and grandma to get boiled in oil

deku sweated nervosly “um but,, treees,, r good?”

“OIL OIL OIL”

“BACK IN MY DAY WE FUCKED TREES AND WE LIKED IT” recovery girl rored!

that was acomeplling argument. the boil in ooil chanting slowed

all for one turned to his henchperson stain “STAIN” he yelled “TEL THESE HIPPY DIPPY COMMIE TREE FUCKERS WHAT WE REALLY THINK OF THIS CAPTEN PLANET B-ROLL BULLSHIT”

stain cleered his throt and burst into magnificent song “let it gro let it gro, so we can have trees to bone” he sang. he was The Ultimate ChadTM so every1 agreed with him imediately. they throow all for one’hare into a pit of spiders where eh was eten and killed and planted the seed in the fertile butthole of the earth wher it could blosom and gro.

in the folowing yeers trees started groiwng beyond the wals and the once for aller crawled out of his shame sahck to water them with his nut as an act of penanc.e

slowly, magesticsally, danny devito in a fursewt flew down from the sky. “ya done good cunt” he grunted, tenderly slapping the once for allers boney ass with his furry orange old man boner. “ya done good.”

they both floated up to gay heaven by their ass skins wher the once for allers big bara past self greeted them with open arms. “all of ur trubles are ogre” he whispered tenderly in their tidditlyated ears.

the once for aller caressed his past self “oh oncey” he whispered sweetly “are u shure we should do this?? can u even,,, oh, how can u love me in this broken down form??”

past once for aller smiled and did the kabedon thing with his future self who whimpered arousedly and blushed carnelian. “its not who we are on the outside” he shoved his entire arm up his entire ass“its who we are inside”

danney devito cheered the once for allers on as they fucked together for all of eterneity and it was very communiest teh end

#bnha #all might #deku #lorax au #selfcest #i managed to work it in #at the very end #i Had TO

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therainroguefanfiction · 4 years

Text

🔥 ℝise Ⱥbove I̾t ◈ Chapter 010 [Unfairness]

📑 Table of Contents | ◂Backward

Word Count: 2,552 ☁

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

〈“There’s a demon inside. Just like Jekyll and Hyde. All this anger inside.” Five Finger Death Punch, “Jekyll and Hyde”〉

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

I could feel a presence hovering over me. “Don’t even think about it,” I muttered, opening my eyes to glare at Toshi. His hand was hovering by my cheek, ready to smack me awake.

“Oh, you’re already awake?”

“Unfortunately,” I muttered, rising up like a corpse from a coffin. “I barely slept.”

“Excited?” he grinned.

“Something like that,” I glanced at the clock as I stood up, heading for the bathroom.

“I must be going!” he called. “I will see you at school!”

I flushed the toilet, heading over to the sink to wash my hands. Man, I look like shit. I splashed my face with cold water, hoping it would help to wake me up. Toshi was gone by the time I made it back to the couch. My phone buzzed on the table and I grabbed it, glancing at the clock again. It was only five o’clock and class didn’t start until eight-twenty-five. I took a shower last night so I just had to brush my teeth and get dressed. The phone buzzed again, then again a minute later.

With a scowl, I opened up the gaming app. There were five messages, all from Murder and sent within the last twenty minutes.

‘Oi, extra’

‘Wake the fuck up’

‘I cant sleep’

‘ARE U FUCKING IGNORING ME’

‘ILL KILL U BITCH’

Damn, this kid has some serious anger issues. I settled down under the covers, putting on my headphones and turning on some rock music before replying to him, ‘Keep ur damn panties on. I can give u the name of a good therapist seems like u need 1’

‘Fuck u’

I laughed, ‘When is ur bday? I can send u a diary to vent all that repressed anger fam’

‘FUCK U TACO!!’

I laughed again, tossing my phone onto the table. I closed my eyes, intending only to relax for a bit and listen to some good vibes, but the rock music thumping in my ears lulled me back to sleep.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

I winced at the bright light shining directly on my fucking eyes. I really hate those sheer curtains. I pulled the headphones off my head and yawned, reaching for my phone. Eight o’clock. I yawned again, standing up and stretching my arms above my head. I hope there’s some Dr. Pepper left. I need to stop by the store after… school…

My eyes widened as the realization hit me.

School, fuck! I’m gonna be late on my first fucking day! Tosh is gonna murder me, ugh! I got dressed as fast as I could and ended up stubbing my big toe on the fucking coffee table which received an angry kick in retaliation, flipping over onto the floor with a loud thud. I grabbed my phone, shoved my feet into my sneakers and rushed out the door, only to rush back halfway down the stairs because I forgot to fucking lock the door.

It was eight-twenty-one when I made it to school. I stifled a yawn, tugging at the red tie around my neck. Every school I had ever attended was a public school with barely any rules regarding clothing – as long as no one showed up naked, anything was fair game. Being stuffed into this stupid ass uniform made me feel uncomfortable and even a bit claustrophobic, but at least Toshi had convinced Nezu to let me wear the boy’s uniform. I’d fucking drop dead before getting caught in that short ass skirt the girls have to wear.

“You’re late,”

I turned around and deadpanned. Aizawa was standing in front of me, his body completely hidden within a yellow sleeping bag, save for his face which was framed by fluffy black hair. “What the fuck are you wearing, Aizawa? That can’t be the proper apparel for a teacher.”

“‘Sensei,’” he corrected, hopping down the hall like a bunny.

I followed, stuffing my hands into my pockets. “Do you know how stupid you look, though?” When he sent me a glare, I added, “Asking for a friend,”

“Can you at least pretend to take this seriously?”

Bitch, I ain’t the one hopping around in a sleeping bag, okay. I shrugged at him, looking away from his penetrating gaze. “Hey, Aizawa.”

“What,”

“I’m sorry,”

He stopped hopping, but I continued on, rounding the corner. A boy with a mop of messy green hair and a bright red face stood in front of the open classroom door, a round-faced brunette girl geeking out about some punch or some shit. One-Punch Man? Did that even exist in this world? I should head to the book store and see, cause that manga is lit.

I stopped in my tracks, feeling dread settle in my stomach. Wait, maybe it’s just because I didn’t eat breakfast. I noticed movement by my feet and sweatdropped at Aizawa as he inched along the floor like a fucking worm, stopping behind the two. No one noticed him until he spoke up, and the look of horror on their faces was priceless.

“If you’re just here to make friends, then you can pack up your stuff now. Welcome to U.A.’s hero course,” he sighed deeply, tugging down the zipper just enough so he could drink from a pouch of juice.

Aizawa, you’re a literal child and I fucking love it.

He stood up, pushing the zipper down the rest of the way so he could step out of the bag. “It took eight seconds before you all shut up, that’s not gonna work. Tims is precious. Rational students would understand that.” He waved his hand to me and I entered the room, glancing at the seating arrangement pinned to the board.

I’m in the very back row, an odd number. Guess that makes sense. I threw my bag onto my chair before leaning against the desk, my eyes scanning the room. I didn’t recognize anyone but two people. The first is Fumi, who wasn’t paying attention to me. And the second was that damn prep from the exam. Damn, why did he have to be put in this class?

“Hello, I’m Shouta Aizawa, your teacher.” He dug around in the bag and pulled out a gym uniform.

Okay, seriously – what is with the U.A. staff and having endless space? First, it’s Granny with damn endless gummy bear supply and now this fucker with an endless amount of space in a sleeping bag.

“Right, let’s get to it. Put these on and head outside.”

The students hesitantly headed to the locker rooms to get changed into the new uniform, which looked like something you’d wear to the gym. The first thing I did was check to see if the pants had pockets.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

Aizawa looked over the group, looking as if he wanted to be anywhere else but here. “We’re going to be doing a quirk assessment test,”

“But… what about orientation?” The brunette asked. “We’re going to miss it!”

“If you really want to make the big leagues, you can’t waste time on pointless ceremonies. Here at U.A., we’re not tethered to tradition. That means I get to run my class however I see fit. You’ve been taking standardized tests most of your lives, but you never got to use your quirk in physical exams before. The country’s still trying to pretend we’re all created equal by not letting those with the most power excel. It’s not rational. One day, the ministry of education will learn.”

That’s pretty deep, fam. I closed my eyes and grabbed my chin. I guess in a way it makes sense. It’s like participation trophies back home. Even if you didn’t do jack shit, you still got a trophy for participating, so even if you lost you still ‘won’. It prevents kids from trying their hardest to reap the rewards.

“Bakugo, you managed to get the most points on the entrance exam.” He looked at the red-eyed blonde. “What was your farthest distance throw with a softball when you were in junior high?”

“Sixty-seven meters, I think.”

“Right. Try doing it with your quirk.” His eyes followed the blonde as he stepped into a circle drawn onto the earth with white chalk. “Anything goes, just stay in the circle. Go on, you’re wasting our time.”

“Alright, man. You asked for it.” Bakugo stretched his arm, clutching the modified softball. “DIE!!” The ball took off into the sky with an explosion propelling it.

Damn, son. That was a bit excessive but mkay.

“All of you need to know your maximum capabilities.” Aizawa’s phone beeped. “It’s the most rational way of figuring out your potential as a pro hero.” The screen on his phone showed 705.2 meters.

I whistled, folding my hands behind my head. That’s kinda impressive. I wonder how far I can throw it?

“Woah, 705 meters, are you kidding me?”

“I wanna go! That looks like fun!”

“This is what I’m talking about. Using our quirks as much as we want!”

Aizawa narrowed his eyes. “So this looks fun, huh?”

Oh boy, he’s about to get all dramatic again, ain’t he?

“You have three years here to become a hero. You think it’s all going to be games and playtime? Idiots,” He smirked, but it looked kinda sadistic. “Today, you’ll compete in eight physical tests to gauge your potential. Whoever comes in last has none, and will be expelled immediately.”

Called it.

Everyone started to freak out at the statement and I sighed, looking up at the clear blue sky. I had grown to know this man pretty well after spending every single day with him for months and I had no doubt in my mind that he would expel anyone he deemed unworthy. It sounds cruel, but I know he has his reasons, whatever the hell that was. I feel like, more than anything, he’s just trying to ruffle some jimmies. And it’s working.

“Like I said, I get to decide how this class runs.” He pushed back his bangs with his hand. “Understand? If that’s a problem, you can head home right now.”

“Pfffttt,” I tried so fucking hard to hold back my laughter, I really did, but the bitch looked like a little kid trying to act tough to intimidate someone older. He snapped his glare to me and I quickly turned my back to him, trying to control myself.

“Is there a problem, Winchester?”

The way he said my name told me that I was definitely going to get hit later. I coughed a few times, banging on my chest before turning around with my hand covering my mouth. “Ah, no, not at all, sensei.” cough cough. “Sorry, I’m recovering from a cold, don’t mind me.”

The other students were staring at me with a mixture of disbelief and amusement.

“Wait a minute, you can’t send one of us home!” The brunette exclaimed. “I mean, we just got here! Even if it wasn’t the first day, that isn’t fair!”

Oh no. She said the F word.

“Oh, and you think natural disasters are? Or power-hungry villains, hm? Or catastrophic accidents that wipe out whole cities? No. The world is full of unfairness. It’s a hero’s job to try and combat that unfairness. For the next three years, U.A. will throw one terrible hardship after another at you. So go beyond -”

“Plus ultra style,” I stepped forward with a grin, locking eyes with him. I had heard the ‘fairness’ speech before, shortly after we started training together. He hated it when I used that word against him, and he always repeated the same thing each time, drilling it into my head that the world just isn’t fair. That isn’t something parents tell kids when they can’t have their way, it’s a real, life lesson that kids gotta learn the hard way.

He nodded at me, the corners of his lips twitching. He totally almost just smiled. “Show me it’s no mistake that you’re here. Now then, we’re just wasting time by talking. Let the games begin!”

“Jen~!”

I turned just as my vision was overtaken by a black and purple blur. My eyes widened, body seizing with fear as I remembered the darkness surrounding me. My breathing grew heavy as Gramp’s lifeless face flashed in my mind, my body beginning to shake as my skin grew hot. I could hear muffled voices, but only one stood out to me.

‘I have come to bring you home, Jen Winchester.’

“Jen!”

A familiar feeling settled over my body, like someone had slammed the door shut before my power could escape. My vision started to focus, settling on Fumi who stood in front of me in a defensive posture. Shadow hovered behind him, tears in his eyes as he stared at me in fear. I glanced to the left, scanning the scared and wide-eyed expressions of my classmates. And then I met Aizawa’s red, glowing eyes. He’s using his quirk… on me?

The block on my power ceased and Aizawa speed walked over to me. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding, a small puff of smoke escaping my lips. My body was trembling, the pendant around my neck like a block of ice against my skin. He put a hand on my arm and helped me to my feet. When had I fallen to the ground?

“Go see the old lady,” he ordered into my ear.

“What? But – the test -”

“You don’t need to take it, just go.”

“I-I’m fine, really, Aiza -”

“I wasn’t asking,”

“Sensei, I can take her.” Fumi’s posture relaxed a bit as he stepped forward.

Aizawa was quiet for a moment. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,”

Fumi held his hand out to me and I hesitantly took it, feeling confusion bubbling within me. Did I… try to attack Fumi? But why the fuck would I?

He gently tugged on my hand, leading me toward the school building. I could feel everyone staring at us as we left and I just wanted to disappear. When we stepped into the building, he turned to me with soft eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Did I… try to hurt you?”

“I’m not quite sure…” He held his hand up to his mouth. “I believe Dark Shadow startled you and you blacked out temporarily. Your quirk may have activated as a self-defense mechanism.”

“Did you get hurt?” My eyes scanned his body, but he looked unharmed.

“No, I’m perfectly fine. You just startled Dark Shadow.”

Great, I’ve got fucking PTSD now because of that stupid ass shadow man. I put my hand on my face and huffed. “Sorry, Fumi…”

“No need to worry. Dark Shadow shouldn’t have rushed at you like he did.”

“I’m really sorry…” Shadow mumbled sadly, sticking close to Fumi’s shoulder.

I forced a smile, holding my hand out to him. He looked at it for a moment, looked at Fumi, and then back at my hand. Slowly, as if not to startle me again, he placed his clawed hand on mine. His cold body was calming against my warm skin. “Forgive and forget?”

He nodded happily, rushing toward me only to stop and shake his head. He approached slowly, nuzzling his head against my shoulder. I smiled for real this time, patting him before we continued on to the nurse’s office in comfortable silence, Shadow lingering between us.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

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deadgwen · 7 years

Text

IT IS A HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GOAT

@fucshias @jiilys MY LOVE GOATY. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GOAT. MY SUN. MY STARS. MY BEAUTIFUL HOOVED CREATURE OF GOD. I HAVE ARRIVED TO SAY SOME IMPORTANT THINGS BUT FIRSTLY I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU U R READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW DUE TO A VERY IMPORTANT REASON AND THIS IMPORTANT REASON IS THAT

*CHOKES BACK TEARS*

IT IS UR BIRTHDAY.

*SCREAMING*

OK OKI DOKI BEFORE I START: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HERE BUT DO NOT BE D I S E N H E AR T E N E D BC I JUST DONT HAVE WIFI BUT I PROMISE U SOMEWHERE OUT THERE I AM SULKING AND FIGHTING A WALL AND ALSO SETTING OFF FIREWORKS BC !!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS UR FUCKING DAY AND IM SORRY I COULD NOT WISH U BUT I LOVE U SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH I AM HERE W/ U IN SPIRIT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT TURN THE FUCK UP HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U UR EXCELLENT AND I LOVE YOU AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK BINCH HOW ARE U SEVENTEEN TODAY U ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT U KNOW WHO) WHO ALLOWED U TO BE LIKE THIS AND ALSO I LOVE YOU. AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE UVE DONE THIS. UR LITERALLY SEVENTEEN TODAY I AM NOT ALRIGHT AND I NEED U TO HOLD ME BECAUSE I AM GOING TO COME OVER AND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING A DRAMATIC BITCH I WILL FAINT IN UR ARMS I AM 100% NOT ALRIGHT

like,,,, HONESTLY u are so. fucking. great. WHERE DO I EVEN START.

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANNA SAY I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FOR UR BDAY I LOVE YOU GOATY I AM SO PUMPED THAT UR SO OLD ITS RIDICULOUS @ ME FUCK OFF ALRIGHT BUT. JUST. I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GOAT UR BEYOND INCREDIBLE

UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN UR YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY. *SMASHES OPEN MY WINDOW AT 12 MIDNIGHT* SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

SO OH MY GOD. I AM CURRENTLY YELLING BECAUSE??????????? LIKE???????????????? YOU'RE SEVENTEEN??????? HOW DID WE EVEN COME TO THIS POINT ITS INSANE LIKE HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SEVENTEEN WE'RE ALL JUST STILL TINY SMOLS WHERE ARE U GOING WHY ARE U GROWING OLDER STOP IT PLS ALRITE I DO NOT LIKE. MY PRECIOUS GOAT SUNSHINE WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL PAJAMA CONSULTANT A REAL SOLID BUSINESSWOMAN WHO DRIVES AND SHIT AND COULD PROBABLY RUN ME OVER AND IS 6'3 SO IF U WOULD SIT ON ME I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DIE UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN AND I AM CRYING

but in all seriousness I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i am FOREVER AND EVER glad that i met u LIKE I FUCKIN HATE U GODMDAN FUCKIBG GOAT MAKING ME REBLOG THIGNS FUCK YUO FUCK O FF but like????? apart from that UR FUCKING BEYOND FABULOUS and i have decided to compile a list of reasons why u are unbelievably great and have earned ur title of being a dancing queen/brilliant goat/actual love of my life. bc u are excellent. AND IT MUST BE WRITTEN OUT HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I LOVE YOU.

OK OK OK SO HERE WE GO BINCHES. PREPARE URSELF. THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER LENGTHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT AND I AM GONNA DO A 'ON THE JELLICOE ROAD' WORTHY REVIEW OF U BUT LIKE A SHITTIER VERSION SO U BETTER FUNKIN BUCKLE UP BITCH

LEZGO:

IS OBVIOSULY FABULOUS

IS A REAL LIFE GIRAFFE

WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ROAM OUT OF CAPTIVITY LIKE............. WE ARE STRONGLY BLESSED

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH

CLAIMS TO HAVE 'barely any leg but a huge torso' and interpret this how u want bUT i just wanna say u r the most fucked up giraffe ever ok what the fuck WHO HURT YOU

apparently dis binch owns a bunny AND NEVER TOLD ME SHE DID

owns a problematic rabbit bc it pees everywhere

said problematic rabbit likes to pee everywhere so much its ridiculous it has no respect for the value of items of modern society and thus in my opinion should be sent to COURT

@ rabbit U NASTY OK PLS GET UR PRIORITIES SORTED???? THIS HAS BEEN A MOTHERFUCKING PSA THANK U (CAROLINE I AM TRUSTING YOU TO SHOW THIS ON UR PHONE TO THE GODDAMN BUNNY I NEED IT TO KNOW)

is 100% excellent at looking after drunk people ALRITE literally THIS WOMAN IS A SAINT who has saved REAL LIVES tbh where would that poor child from your old intermediate be if u hadn't SAVED HIS ENTIRE LIFE from all that tequila he would DEAD thats fuKCIN RIGHT U DESERVE ALL THE MEDALS A TRUE HERO AMONG NEW ZEALANDERS. A NATIONAL ICON. SO BRAVE I AM SO PROUD I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

AND ALSO PULLING DRUNK MAKING OUT PEOPLE OFF EACH OTHER I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT UR EFFORTS ARE SO VERY RECOGNIZED BECAUSE ONE TIME I DID THAT AND I GOT PUNCHED IN THE THROAT I THOUGHT I DIED BECAUSE I SAW JESUS BUT IT WASNT ACTUALLY JESUS IT WAS JUST A POSTER TAPED TO A FRIDGE I WAS SCAMMED

her own mum has called the police on her and was 100% ready for some quality fun family jailtime

ALSO ONE TIME GOATY ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP SOMEONES REAR MIRROR AND THE VICTIMS OF THE INCIDENT DID NOT GIVE HALF A FUCK HOWEVER, HER MOTHER GOATY REPORTED SEVERAL FUCKS TO THE POLICE AND FILED AN ACCIDENT REPORT AND THAT WAS THE DAY MY GOATY BECAME A DARK CRIMINAL

*OMINOUS MUSIC*

I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE DAY I WALK MY BUTT INTO COURT AGAINST UR MUM COVERED HEAD TO ASS IN $3 PLASTIC BRACELETS BACKED BY UR UNEXPECTEDLY KLEPTOMANIAC SISTER AND A BASKET OF STOLEN WOMANS DAYS AND ALONG WITH BLING BLING JIMMY WE WILL RESTORE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LACK OF CONSCIENCE ON THIS LOVELY EARTH

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGHT ABOUT UR MUM LIKE ACTUALLY ALL UR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WILD AND..... I AM AFRAID

OK OK IT MUST BE SAID CAROLINE HAS THE MOST AMAIZNG VOICE ????? EVER

like i love her voice sm SO FUCKING MUCH I TELL U i have never heard anything like it and i want caroline to like read me books for hours AND HOURS AND NARRATE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE because i love how unusually deep and shadowy her voice sounds like deep flowing river water or smth like i LOVE IT SO MUCH it. Is.So. Strange BUT I LOVE IT IT IS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING THROW A BUCKET AT ME I LOVE YOU

HAS A VIDEO OF HERSELF DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND I KNOW I HAVE PRAISED IT FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW ALREADY LIKE @ ME PLZ CHILL BUT i will not i will NEVER it is solid entertainment a+++ QUALITY I AM LAUGHIGN IM LAUGHING I AM LAUGHING FOREVER those beautiful hops of pain across ur backyard ARE THE LAST THINGS I WANT TO SEE BEFORE GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH

WRONGFULLY FRAMED ME FOR HAVING SHIT DICK TENDENCIES AND THEN YELLED AT ME AND CALLED ME A GARAGE WHAT A BINCH I AM IN LOVE

loves yellow flowers AND ALL THE FLOWERS AND HEAVY ROSES AND IS A FULL OUT FLOWER HOE

IS DESPICABLE TEEN WOLF GARBAGE LIKE.... ive been scrolling through our fanmails AND MY HEART HUR T S G O A T Y hOld mE we were sO Y O U N G and like no lie i shit u not 80% oF THE FUCKING MESSAGES ARE U YELLING 'STYDIA IS GONNA HAPPEN THIS SEASON' AND 'OH MY GOD DID U SEE THAT STYDIA SCENE' AND DECLARATIONS OF LOVE FOR LYDIA MARTIN AND THE OTHER 20% IS U ASKIN ME IF IVE SEEN THE NEW TEEN WOLF I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY TEEN WOLF KEEPS DISAPPOINTING US BOTH BUT STDYIA IS. DEFINIETELY. GONNA. HAPPEN. THIS. SEASON. IT HAS TO OR I WILL FUKIN FITE ALRIGHT GIVE US STYDIA OR GIVE US DEATH I LOVE UR TEEN WOLF LOVIBG ASS

anyway caroline is an utterly excellent person

if u were an ncea paper i would grade u with excellence

*FINGER GUNS*

like ?????deals with my stupid yelling ALL THE TIME

whenever i had a problem and went to my goaty she was so very understanding and patient AND DID NOT CALL ME A DUMBASS WHEN I DESERVED TO BE DECKED

TOLD ME THE TRU DEFINTION OF THE PHRASE 'SHOT'

TWO YEARS OF UTTER CONFUSION. ERASED FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENTLY.

MY SKIN?? CLEARED . MY FUTURE BILLS ??? PAID MY HUSBAND MARRIED MY STATUE FOR CAROLINE FULLY ERECTED

ok but like i can never say this enough goaty IS SO NICE TO TALK TO PLETAHE TALK TO ME FORVER SHE IS FABULOUS??? it blows my mind constantly that someone this incredible and special walks along this earth NONE OF US DESERVE THE GOAT

also ???? WHAT IN THE FUCK HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THIS YET CAROLINE IS THE BEST WRITER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE SHE IS SO TALENTED EVERY TIME I READ ONE OF HER FICS I END UP THINKING ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS FOR 958495894 YEARS ALRIGHT THEY FUCK ME UP THEY WAY SHE HANDLES WORDS FUCKS ME UP HOW CAN YOUT TAKE FUCKING LETTERS AND THEN SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS LIKE THIS I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I am Not Strong Enough For This

i am not even kidding ok THE WAY U HANDLE WORDS IS IN.FUCKING.CREDIBLE whenever u use them its like?? u turned them into something precious and all your writing have this feel to it like as if im holding a delicate bouqet of a thousand yellow flowers like im holding a butterfly in my hands like im holding a box of eggs and i am scared shitless to drop it bC MY DAD WILL PERSONALLY CRUCIFY ME

I AM AWFUL AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT I HOPE U SEE WHAT I MEAN. LIKE. IT IS SO *SCREAMS* MINBLOWING DECK ME WITH ALL UR WORDS EVER

I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT NEVER OKAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WRITE IT HURTS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT

ok ok this hoe right here has written THREE fics with a dedication for me at the beginning and like.............. ..... do u ever just cri

i have 'the glorious everywhere' printed out and FUCKING PINNED TO MY WALL WHERE I CAN SEE IT FROM ALL CORNERS OF MY ROOM ALWAYS back in my apartment in russia like it is legitimately the best thing. i love everything about this piece it should be adapted into a novel or a short film like PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT W/ IT OK the imagery and REALNESS of this fic gets to me all the time and im crying im crying im crying I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT PLS @ CAROLINE WHY ARE U SO TALENT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT FUCKIG I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAKE UP FUCKING LOOK ' You see her hair dripping down her head and spinning out over the seats in the back and lighting them on fire. You see her pale skin and electric veins as she puts her hand out the window and tries to catch the sky and stuff it up her sleeve. You hear her voice, “Just drive James, you’ll know where we’re going when we get there.”

REALLY I AM NOT FUCKIGN Okay CALL AN AMBULANCE CALL IT NOW I AM UNWELL I AM SICK I AM DYING FUK ME RITE UP

i am fully convinced this is the greatest thing thats ever been written.like. How. the. FUCK. tbh i want this paragraph ENTIRELY TATTOOED ON MY ASS I AM ZCRYING @ CAROLINE YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND I AM SO VERY GLAD THAT IT EXISTS

i will not go into depth abt yelling about ur fics bc tbh i think u Know but I JUST WANNA SAY 'oh darling i have coloured blood (that i stole from you)' is the most iconic piece of literature to this day ever the and i zcri all the time because you are a goddamn bloody genius and you shine in colours beyond my comprehension and i love you so so so incredibly much

MY LOVE IS SO FUCKING TALENTED I AM YELLING I AM YELLING I AM YELLING

DOESN'T EAT FRIED SPERM

writes the BEST emails in history

UR SO LOVELY U GIVE ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SPELLING ERRORS FOR ME TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENJOY I AM GIGGLING *GIGGLES* IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY WHEN U FUCK THINGS UP

tbh it is how fried chair came to life like it was actually in one of your first fanmails to me u said that two years ago and to this day it remains the Most Iconic Thing Ever

STRONG SUPPORTER OF WEETBIX

LOVES WEETBIX

FOUGHT TIGERS AND LIONS FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS SAVED BY WEETBIX AND WEETBIX ALONE

ACTUALLY HAD A THING CALLED ‘WEETBIX DISCOURSE’ ON HER BLOG LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HAPPENED A REAL THING THAT OCCURED AND WAS PASSIONATELY ARGUED ABOUT AND I HAVE SEEN THINGS THAT CANNOT BE UNSEEN

RIGHTFULLY SO BC WEETBIX >>>>> JONAH GRIGGS I AM SORRY IT IS THE RULES

FUCK THE H8RS

like ??? is hilarious af QUEEN OF HUMOUR AND MAKING ME SNORT MY GODDAMN CHOCLATE MILK LIKE CAN U NOT BE SO EXCEPTIONAL U HO HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION U LIL BITCH but YES a++ top notch QUALITY storytelling skills in both fic writing and tequila struggles I APPRECIATE IT TO DEATH

ok ok ok also the most beautiful person ever??? LIKE ???????????????? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHO ALLOWED U

THE MOST PERFECT HAIR. ur hair is like waves of a golden ocean cascading from ur hEAD AND IT IS SO MAGICALLY FITTING B/C U R AN ETHEREAL BEING AND THE FACT THAT U HAVE AN ENTIRE WILD SEA RAGING ON UR HEAD JUST PROVES TO ME THAT U ARE A GOD AMONG MORTALS. UR HAIR IS SO PRETTY OK OK OKAY FUCK ME UP. STRAIGHT UP GORGEOUS. SO SOFT TOO AND SO SHINY AND IT FITS U SO WELL I AM FOREVER SCREAMING

THE MOST ANGEL FACE. GOATYS FACE LOOKS LIKE GOD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE CARVED IT OUT OF ROSE PETALS AND MARBLE LIKE. IT. IS. TRULY. THE MOST GORGEOUS THING ur face is softer than clouds tbh AND UR SMILE SAVES MY LIFE ITS BRIGHTER THAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONDENSED AND SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE UR SELFIES I HAVE TO GO GET LASER EYE SURGERY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN B L I N D E D

U R SO UNCONSIDERATE TO MY FRAGILE HEALTH HOW DARE YOU

SO. GODDAMN GORGEOUS SLAY MY ENTIRE LIFE I BEG U ID PAY U TO SIT ON ME WITH UR HUGE BONES AND SLOWLY CRUSH ME INTO AN ENDLESS DEATH I HAVE $4 LEFT OVER FROM MY LIFE SAVINGS DO IT BAE

has the best taste in music omg WHAT A BLESSING WE LIKE THE SAME SONGS AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARES ME B/C IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AND THIS DOES NOT HELP MY CONSTANT STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

HAS THE BEST TASTE IN BOOKS and adores skam as much as i do AND LOVES CHRIS/EVA AS MUCH AS IDO AND WROTE A FIC FOR THEM AND THE SNIPPET FROM IT ????? MY SOUL. GONE.

so tol and will never stop accusing me of being smol but listen up aight. imma FUCK YOU UP. REAL GOOD. ONE DAY. WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A LADDER. UNTIL THEN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BINCH BC I AM COMING TO GET U

and is also the smartiest smart to ever smart LOOK AT MY U GO WITH UR EXCELLENCE ENDORSEMENT when i buy that ladder I WILL CLIMB IT AND HOVER AROUND UR HEAD LOTS SO I CAN ABSORB UR POWERS AND ALSO BREATHE THE FRESH AIR UP THERE WHICH IS NOT AVAILABLE TO GROUNDED PEASANTS SUCH AS ME

AND IS THE BEST COOKIE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE IF THIS ISNT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT CAROLINE IS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR OUR GALAXY THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF PLS OK

like honestly,,, MY LOVE I COULD GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND CENTURIES UNTIL MY TEETH FALL OUT AND I GROW SENILE WITH MY LOVE BUT THE POINT OF THIS HOT STEAMING LAME MESS IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BLOODY PIECES UR SO F U C K I N G INCREDIBLE I AM SO GLAD I MET YOU AND THAT YOU TAlk TO ME AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER AND I AM BLESSED THAT YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AND THAT FREID CHAIR LOVES ME AND THAT U R MY GOAT BC UR MY ONLY GOAT AND UR THE BEST ONE THERE IS NO SHADE @ ALL OTHER GOATS BUT LIKE. IM SORRY I CANNOT TELL A LIE

IT IS THE COLD HARD TRUTH.

and like??? i did a /search/deadgwen ON @jiilys BC I WANTED TO LOOK AT ALL OUR OLD STUFFS FROM 2015 and I Regret it I Regret it So Much theres a selfie from like when i was 14 and an idiot still on Ur blog and I look like an actual tragedy I Want to Die we have known each other for so long its RIDICULOUS UR STILL AS AMAZING AS U WERE BACK THEN AND I AM MORE OR LESS CURED OF MY CONDITION OF BEING AN EMBARASSING DIPSHIT AND ITS CRAZY HOW MUCH YOUNGER WE WERE THEN LIKE UM WTF BUT UR STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND 9384930X TIMES MORE AND I STILL LOVE U BC UR PERFECT AS EVER AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

NOW. I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU A PRESENT LIKE I REALLY DID BAE I TRIED SO MUCH SHIT ITS HORRIBLE BC LIKE ??? I WANTED TO MAKE YOU A PRESENTATION ON UR GOAT SUPERIORTY LIKE I DID LAST YEAR EXCEPT Like i am a fucking asshole™(COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE MAN TEH MYTH THE LEGEND) who cannot do shit FOR SHIT it turned out so Awful and i cANNOT GRAPHIC BABE I TRIED TO MAKE YOU THIS EDIT AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS Bad AND FOUGHT MYSELF FOR SIX HOURS AND I CANNOT WRITE AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE GIFTS EVER BUT I AM TRULY AWFUL

*ZCRIES*

I KNOW IM LAME AND MY ONLY TALENT IS YELLING FOR HOURS ON END I WISH I COULD HAVE MADE YOU SOMETHING REALLY COOL BC ITS UR SEVENTEETH AND 17 IS THE BEST NUMBER AND UR LOVELY AND I LOVE YOU SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BAE FOR BEING AN ACTUAL GARAGE ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE EXPERIENCE) SHIT DICK 100% TERRIBLE DICKFLUTE OKAY I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NEVER IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD YEAR LIKE FUCK SHIT UP BAE UR GONNA BE IN YEAR 13 ITS ALL GONNA BE SO AWFUL AND WE WILL ALL DIE aND WERE SO O L D JESUS CHRIST IF HEART ATTACKS DONT TAKE US OUT NCEA LEVEL 3 WILL BUT I HOPE THIS WILL BE A SUPER GOOD YEAR FOR U IN REGARDS OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT I HOPE THINGS WILL LEAD UP TO U GETTING THAT APARTMENT IN NEW YORK AND ALL THE HIGH HEELS THAT U WILL WEAR AND ALL THE YELLOW FLOWERS THAT U WILL BUY AND UR CAREER AS A LIFECHANGING LITERARY GENIUS OK OK I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE

ok ok ok but.

ONE MORE THING.

LISTEN.

THE FUCKING

*CLECNHES JAW*

REBLOG FIASCO

*FLINGS MY ASS INTO THE SUN*

WHEN IT IS GOOD AND DAYLIGHT. U HAVE UNTIL THEN. LIKE I KNOW THIS IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH AND I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF HWO COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU I FUCKING FUCK JUST FUCK YOU FUCKING DICK i will RIOT

OKAY BABE ITS MIDNIGHT AND ILL BE UP IN ABOUT SIX HOURS AND LIKE. ANYTHING. ANYTHING ELSE FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISH OK BABE IM GONNA FUCKING DIE THIS IS IT THIS THE END I WILL GO DOWN SWEARING PROFUSELY WITH A HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND U WILL BE WATCHING AND LAUGHI G ANF @OFFICALTALL FUCK YU FUCKDUCKUD CUDCKUD DNUSJNDJF FUCK U @GOATY FUCK. UFCN WHERE IS UR HOOF WHY ARE U NOT FEELIN THE TEMPERATURE ITS EBOLA ITS GOATBOLA I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL DAWN I WONT SEE THE SUNLIGHT GOATY I CANT *FAKE CRYING SOUNDS* I WILL DIE. IT WILL HAPPEN. AND I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT U ARE THE BITCH THAT KILLED ME. *MORE FAKE ZCRYING SOUNDS* I MUST SEND MESSAGES TO ALL MY DEAREST KIND FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKED ME LIKE THIS ALRIGHT *FAKE COUGHING* TELL THEM THAT I *MORE FAKE COUGHOGN* LOVE THEM *THROWS KETCHUP PACKET EVERYWHERE WHILE UR NOT LOOKING AND BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH* AND I WILL REMEMBER THEM EVEN IN DEATH

ANYWAY HERE IS MY WILL:

WHAT U GET:

nothing

u get nothing

bINCH

zero. zip. nada

0 potato 4 u

U CAN HAVE THE SALT FROM MY KITCHEN SO U WILL BE PERPETUALLY REMINDED OF MY LAST EMOTIONS TOWARDS THIS LIFE

maybe like the one half a potato that was randomly in my drIVEWAY THAT ONE TIME

M A Y B E

WHAT GOOD KIND LOVING FRIENDS, SUCH AS MILS AND FRIED CHAIR AND ELLIE AND OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLES WHICH I SHALL ADDRESS IN CLAUSE 4.20 OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY WILL, GET:

actually mils is a hoe and can choke but u r the evil here rn aND FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE WILL PRETEND THAT I LIKE MILS

ANYWAY. REALLY GOOD THINGS I OWN

I HAVE SOME SOCKS I DONT WANT U GUYS CAN HAVE THEM

AND LIKE

MY DUVET

SEE GOATY THESE ARE THE KIND OF HEART TOUCHING POST DEATH GIFTS U MISS OUT ON WHEN U MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD

ALSO NO TOUCHING MY MANGOES THAT I BOUGHT TWO DAYS AGO BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO EAT THEM AND IF ANYONE EVEN BREATHES IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL BEAT THEM UNCONSCIOUS WITH A TELEPHONE THIS IS A T H R E A T

I HOPE UR TAKING NOTES AND I HOPE U FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A 6′3 KILLER BECAUSE UR AN ASSHOLE ™LIKE UR ASSHOLIER™ THAN THE REAL ASSHOLE THAT IS JONAH GRIGGS™ THE LABEL™ (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS™ THE ANT MURDERING HOT PIECE OF ASS™) BUT I WILL DIE FOR U MY GOAT *strokes ur pretty face* BC IT IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME TO SUFFER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U THEREFORE . DESPITE THIS SICKNESS *FLAILS* I. WILL. BE. BRAVE. I WILL REBLOG THOSE TWENTY POSTS I WILL FLATLINE BY THE THIRD POST AND MY BLOOD WILL BE ON UR HANDS *CAREFULLY ARRANGES MY STUNT GOAT IN POSITION* AND I WILL BE YELLING CURSES AT YOU IN THE TAGS BUT I WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF HONOUR I WILL GO DOWN AS A GOAT NEVER HAS BEFORE

BUT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC I AM SO HAPPY U EXIST. HAVE THE BOMBEST ASS 17TH BIRTHDAY BABE I HOPE UR PARTY IS LIT AND HAVE FUN GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING ALL THE BANTS AND LAFFS AND ALSO I WILL SEND U THE AWAITED EMAIL IN A FEW HOURS WHEN MY INTERENT IS BACK ON BECAUSE IT IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS BULLSHIT WITH SOME STRUCTURED DISCUSSION AKA WHAT THE FUCK DO U HAVE AGAINST SMIRNOFF ICE how is it not HARDCORE enough for u IT IS LITERALLY FLAVOURED VODKA DOES IT NOT KNOCK OUT UR 6′3 ASS OR WHAT EXCUSE ME

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION.

HAPPY. SEVENTEENTH. BIRTHDAY. MY. CHUM.

*BLOWS U A KISS*

*PUTS ON TWO FÜR COATS TO REMAIN UNDETECTED*

*STEALS ALL UR WEETBIX AND RUNS AWAY TO ALASKA NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN*

*still replies ur emails tho cuz i love u bitch y u do dis to me*

#I LOVE YOU SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT MY POINT STANDS #ALSO SORRY FOR THE SHITTINESS AND IF SOMETHING LOOKS WEIRD BC I EDITED IT SO MANY TIMES IT IS PORBABLY MOST DEFINITELY FUCKED UP SOMEHWERE #@ MYSELF I DONT TRUST U #fucshias #jiilys #I LOVE U BAE HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY HAPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY #*SINGS* HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU #my BIG GOAT UR 17 NOW I AM ZCRYING RN I SWEAR I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY

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