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glitteringobliteration · 8 days

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Something bugged me about what Brennan said about Fabian’s new gold maximum legend tattoo: he’s now immune to Dragon Madness.

Why would that matter? Yeah, it’s probably great for Fabian’s future adventures but why would it be relevant now? The Bad Kids already got rid of all the gold they received from Kalvaxus’ hoard, right?

Please bear with the red-string bulletin board-making side of my brain while I talk through my theory:

It’s always struck me a bit odd how much attention is being paid to Fabian’s finances this season. I totally get that it’s partially due to his parents being gone all year/turning 18 and gaining access to the funds left by his papa, as well as the general arc Fabian is going through of navigating going it alone for the first time, but it feels like there’s more to it than that. Fabian has never wanted for money before, and it hasn’t really factored into this season either (for him. points about Adaine being broke are irrelevant rn.) beyond the handful of conversations (and one altercation lol) we’ve seen between Fabian and his banker, Alston Hughes. A couple of things that Brennan has mentioned feel very much like breadcrumbs, and I’m not sure if the Intrepid Heroes have clocked any of it yet (as of Ep 15: The Last Stand).

Fabian banks with KVX, which Alston Hughes tells him has gone through a shift in management since their board of directors were smote by the Council of Chosen. Their branding and logos have changed from Kalvaxus red, to blue.

I also find it worth noting that we did discover Alston Hughes to literally be a member of The Harvestmen. 👀

This brings to mind the subject of Oisin.

Oisin is a blue dragonborn in his junior year at Aguefort, the conjuration wizard of the Rat Grinders. We learned at the shrimp-jump party that he’s descended from a blue dragon, who’s said to live atop a great hoard of treasure.

Oisin offers to help Adaine get some of her much-needed spell components, and she turns him down.

Aelwyn tells us that Kipperlilly can’t use Oisin to get the material components she needs - hence why she’s using Aelwyn. Kipperlilly says she needs to protect Oisin.

Why?

I’m willing to bet that his family has something to do with the new management at KVX. I’m also willing to bet Kipperlilly knows exactly how to protect herself from Dragon Madness.

And Fabian’s new tattoo is gonna save everyone’s asses. True Maximum Legend.

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ladylightning · 7 months

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supernatural s2 is SO GOOD because every decision has more weight because the after life is still unknown to us. we know there is something after death but we don't know quite what that is. the season starts with tessa the reaper begging dean to come with her. to where? she cannot say. when john dies it’s devastating to the brothers that he’s no longer here but elsewhere. but it’s even more devastating as they come to the slow realization that elsewhere is probably hell, whatever that looks like. sam and dean don't know anything more than the audience does about hell.

there is an effort to exorcise the possessed and save them instead of letting them die because there is no promise of heaven to be made. the ghost in roadkill wants to know what happens when she crosses over and sam and dean just don’t know. where do the monsters go when they die? are there angels? is there a god? sam and dean don’t know. sam more than anything wants to believe. and secretly dean does too. but they just don’t know.

when sam dies where does he go? dean doesn’t know. we never get to see it. and more than that. does dean truly believe that he would be sent to the same hereafter as his brother after everything he has done? all dean knows is that there is a way to damn your eternal soul to hell and there is a way to bring his brother back from the unknown and he will choose that path without hesitation over and over and over again.

the second the angels are introduced we lose that sense of unknown. while the stakes are higher in seasons 4-5 the second we can see behind the curtain it’s over. yes you can damn the world and start the apocalypse but at least you KNOW. you know there is an afterlife. a heaven. a hell. a hereafter. and all the people who die will end up will end up where they belong so how guilty can you feel using a demon knife to kill an innocent? how wrong is it to drain the host for blood? they’ll end up in heaven after all. no more pain. and that is how only the winchester family drama becomes important to the brothers, because they KNOW the end is not the end. there’s more than just ghosts and demons and reapers. there is a heaven. and if there is a heaven every wrong bad thing in the narrative can be brushed away by the characters or the audience as “well at least they are at peace in heaven now.” they do this to jimmy novak and ash and pamela and lord knows who else.

season 2 sam and dean don’t have this opt out. every choice they make is so much heavier because they just. don’t. know.

#long post sorry #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #sam winchester #spn season 2 #supernatural season 2 #for the record I LOVE Castiel and the angels add a lot to plot #but undeniably it forever changes the show on a molecular level #sometimes good sometimes bad #but season 2 is one of my all time favorites #so many back to back banger episodes #great dean moments dealing with john dying and sams psychic stuff #GREAT sam moment holy shit an amazing sam season so many gems #also a ton of stupid little dean outfits this season

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chewydolls · 7 months

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🌅 mikusreal 🔁 peterparkoier

🦈 sharkboyetlavagirl Follow

doing an ethically dubious autopsy on Schrodinger's cat

🦈 sharkboyetlavagirl Follow

everyones a critic these days

😈 whatintheshamemery

Are you new here

⚪ WD568179 Follow

?????

None of this is remotely okay to joke about?

🚇 tubbohell Follow

Now the guy with a deactivated ass looking url is gonna preach to us

🕸 peterparkoier

Everyone's clowning on D man but his takes are literally backed up by research

🔪 notacatboy

I hate this fucking website

🙂 justhumanthings Follow

Great post everyone

😈 whatintheshamemery

This is a free website

🦈 sharkboyetlavagirl Follow

hey guys just so you know ops a fed apologist

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This post has filtered tags

#cucuroier #suggestive #cellbo dont look

🧪 aquimicaehloka

This edible aint shit

🧪 aquimicaehloka

I cna smell thh universe

1 note

⚠️ pactriggerwarning 🔁 aquimicaehloka

🚇 tubbohell Follow

Hey don't cry... 10 train emojis on mobile okay 🚉 🚄 🚋🚈 🚆 🚅 🚃 🚞 🚂 🚇

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❄ felpolé 🔁 WD568179

⚪ WD568179 Follow

The lack of sensibility of some people in this website astonishes me

Tag. Your. Freaking. Autopsy. Jokes

🌸 bagriela

Expert on cat's behaviour here! It's a common misconception that felines who underwent an autopsy will have trauma about the procedure. In fact, they will be too dead to care

❄ felpolé

The joke was fine lol

⚪ WD568179 Follow

And what's your expertise on the subject?

❄ felpolé

They did an autopsy on me once

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#qsmp #long post sorry

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elidiscoe · 3 months

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No Lilith is not "Evil" or a "Bad Mom"

I said what I said. We don't know what happened to Lilith, we don't know why she and Lucifer split, and if you saw the pilot, you would know Charlie choose to confide in HER about her worries and fustrations. That is a clear sign that as the queen of hell, the woman whose songs brought hope to the demons in hell, had more confidence in her daughter than Lucifer was afraid to have. I saw a post that said "also how bad of a fucking mother does lilith have to be to ignore her daughter for 7 years jfc". As if that is the only reason Charlie hadn't heard from her? Not even a possibility something bad might have happened or had really very important business to deal with as the queen of hell?? And it's even more bizzare how people just assumed that flashback was her "keeping Charlie away from Lucifer". Like hello, it's called putting your child to sleep? And also

Does this really look like a vile woman to you. Did you really see this portraits and went "Oh yeah she hates her husband," NO THAT IS FUCKING IN LOVE WITH HER HUSBAND! SHE IS HAPPY WITH HER CHILD, SHE IS PROUD OF HER FAMILY AND KINGDOM, SHE WANTS NOTHING MORE THAN TO BE WITH THE MAN WHO SHOWED HER MORE LOVE AND COMPASSION THAN BITCH ASS ADAM, AND STUCK WITH HER FOR MILLENIUM AFTER BEING CASTED OUT OF HEAVEN. EVEN WRAPPING HER ARMS AROUND HIM AND CHARLIE

Fautisse, the person whose been at the birth of Hazbin Hotel, even believes Lilith adored her husband just the same as he to her. But shit happens, and something caused her to leave. For reasons WE DON'T KNOW WHY! But unfortunately for her as a female character, the fans and even anti fans have reduced her to another "Stella". Despite the fact Charlie confides in her, and despite Lucifer having pictures with her in his office and still has his wedding ring on. There is a definite reason Lucifer acts this depressed, otherwise he would be acting like Stolas, someone who actually hates his wife.

#Also Lilith is like.. super gorgeous #Yah I'm gay simp so what #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #Hazbin hotel rant #long post sorry #Helluva Boss #lucifer morningstar #lilith morningstar #charlie morningstar

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babsvibes · 11 months

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#babsbles #bob’s burgers #boblinweek23 #boblinweek #boblin week #bob belcher #linda belcher #bobs burgers #this was originally a video but the file got all messed up so now it’s screenshot city #enjoy boblin kisses!#long post sorry

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euryalex · 8 months

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Baldur's Gate 3 Tav Ask List

May contain spoilers!! Please reblog!

• Origin & Class 1. What is their backstory and why did you choose it? 2. What is their class (+ subclass) and why did you choose it? 3. Do they multiclass? Why (not)? 4. Is there a reason why your Tav starts out as Level 1? 5. Does your Tav have family members? Are they close? 6. Does your Tav have any friends from their past? Are they still friends? 7. Does your Tav have connections to other characters (I.e.: NPCs)? 8. Where did your character live before the events of the game? 9. Does your Tav have a different class/race/origin than in the game? (I.e.: Your Tav is Aasimar, fisherman backstory ...) 10. What was your Tav like as a child?

• Prologue 11. What goes through your Tav's head when they wake up on the Nautiloid? Are they scared or do they push those feelings aside to focus on escaping? 12. How does your Tav feel about Us? Did they free them, maim them or leave them behind? 13. What was your Tav's first reaction to Lae'Zel? 14. What was your Tav's first reaction to Shadowheart? 15. Does your Tav use their Arcana knowledge to free Shadowheart or do they use the rune found in the next room? 16. Does your Tav help the mindflayer against Commander Zhalk or do they run straight to the helm? 17. Does your Tav's starting armor reflect them? If not, what would they wear instead? 18. If you could, would your Tav see any of the other companions? If so, how would they react? 19. What's your Tav's personality like at the start of the game? Does it change as the game goes on? 20. Finally, what does your Tav feel as the Nautiloid crashes? Are they scared? Are they thinking of a way to survive?

• Act 1 21. Which companion do you get first? If you get Shadowheart first no matter what, who's the second one? 22. What is your Tav's first impression of the other companions (Astarion, Gale, Karlach, Wyll ...) 23. What's their opinion of Emerald Grove? Do they help the tieflings or side with the druids? 24. How does your Tav feel about Mol and her friends? 25. What does your Tav think of Aradin? 26. What does your Tav think of the Raphael? 27. Does your Tav adopt Scratch and the Owlbear cub? Did you name him? 28. What does your Tav think of Auntie Ethel? What do they tell Mayrina? 29. What does your Tav do about the Goblin camp? Do they free Halsin or side with Minthara? What's their opinion of them? 30. Who does your Tav think of when they go to sleep at the goblin/tiefling party? Or are they lucky and do they get to spend the night with the person they want? 31. What does your Tav think of the Underdark and the Myconids? 32. Does your Tav help Glut or do they fight him? 33. Do you bring the potion ingredients to Omeluum and, if so, did you drink it? Did you barter for his ring? 34. Does your Tav react to the Sussur flower (Sorcerer) or how would they react if it affected them? 35. Do they deliver Nere's head to the Myconids and save the slaves? 36. Did your Tav fight the Forge Protector? How did the fight go for them? 37. Did your Tav go to Creche Y'llek? Did they know something was up with the healer? 38. Did your Tav deface the portrait of Vlaakith? 39. Did your Tav get the Blood of Lathandar? 40. Did your Tav agree to kill the Guardian or did they go talk to them instead?

• Act 2 41. Which way did they take? Did they run into Elminster? What was their opinion of his news for Gale? 42. How does your Tav react to the shadow curse? Are they scared of the dark? 43. What does your Tav think of Jaheira and the Harpers? 44. What does your Tav think of Isobel? 45. Does your Tav help Mol win against Raphael? 46. Does your Tav help Astarion make a deal with Raphael? 47. Does your Tav help Markus or do they warn Isobel? 48. Does your Tav steal the moonlantern from Kar'Niss or do they fight him? 49. How does your Tav react to Ketheric Thorm? What about his family (Gerringothe Thorm, Malus Thorm ...)? 50. Does your Tav save the tieflings & gnomes? 51. What does your Tav think of the Gauntlet of Shar? 52. What does your Tav think of Dame Aylin? 53. Did your Tav help Art Cullagh? 54. What did your Tav tell Arabella about her parents? 55. Did your Tav reunite with Us? 56. What did your Tav think of the Mindflayer colony? 57. Did your Tav free Zevlor? Did they free Mizora? 58. Did your Tav complete the Brain Node puzzle? 59. Did you use the Minds you find on the head near the brain node puzzle? 60. Did you clear Moonrise Towers of the shadow curse?

• Act 3 61. How does your Tav feel about Baldur's Gate? Is it their home? Is it their first time in the city? 62. What's their first impression when they enter Rivington? 63. If Shadowheart got a new haircut, how does your Tav react? 64. What does your Tav do with the trapped kids' toys? 65. Does your Tav go to the circus? Do they like the activities? 66. Does your Tav help with the murder investigation? 67. Does your Tav meet Tara? What's their opinion? 68. What does your Tav do with the Mindflayer in the windmill? 69. Does your Tav run into Orin? If so, what's their first opinion? 70. Does your Tav make a deal with Raphael? 71. Does your Tav 'spend time' at Sharess' Caress? 72. How does your Tav enter the city? 73. Do they free Florrick? 74. What do they do at Gortash' coronation? 75. What does your Tav do with the serial killer running rampant? 76. Does your Tav tell Dame Aylin about Lorroaken? Do they help her fight him? 77. Does your Tav go to the House of Hopes? If so, do they sleep with Haarlep? 78. Does your Tav help the Wavemother? 79. Does your Tav rescue the prisoners in the Iron Throne? 80. Does your Tav free the slaves from Steel Watch Foundry? Do they side with the Gondians or with Wulbren? 81. If you saved Oskar in Act 1, did you meet him again? If so, did you help him? Did you side with the Mystic Carrion or with Thrumbo? 82. What does your Tav do with the Counting House robbery? 83. Does your Tav reunite with Mayrina? Do they fight Auntie Ethel? Do they save Vanra? 84. Does your Tav find all of Dribbles' body parts? 85. Who did Orin abduct from your party? 86. Did your Tav complete the trial of Bhaal? 87. Did your Tav side with Gortash or did they agree to kill him for Orin? 88. Does your Tav successfully resist the Nether Brain? 89. Does your Tav side with the Emperor or do they free Orpheus? Do they become Illithid to use the Nether Stones or does one of their companions do it? Do they give the Nether Stones to the Emperor/Orpheus? 90. Do they betray the Emperor/Orpheus/their companions for the Absolute?

• Epilogue 91. Does your Tav get a happily ever after? 92. Where does your Tav end up after defeating/siding with the Nether Brain? 93. What do you think happens to the party, afterwards? Do they go for drinks? Do they go their separate ways? 94. Years after the game, what do you think your Tav is up to? 95. What do you think of your Tav's development throughout the game? If you compared them to who they were at the start, what would be different?

• Companions 96. Does Lae'Zel remain loyal to Vlaakith, or does she follow Orpheus? Or neither? 97. Does Astarion kill Cazador? Does he remain a vampire spawn or does he complete the ritual? 98. What does Gale want? The crown for himself? For Mystra? Or has he given up on chasing power? 99. Did Wyll get freed from Mizora? Did he save his father? 100. Did Karlach get upgraded? Did she turn Illithid? Did she return to Avernus? If so, did Tav join her, or Wyll, or both? 101. Did your Tav recruit Minsc? What's their opinion of him? 102. Did Shadowheart turn to Selûne or did she remain loyal to Shar? Did she free her parents or let them go? 103. Did Tav help Jaheira with the Harpers? 104. Who did your Tav romance? How did this romance develop throughout the game? What happened at the end?

105. Anything you want to say about your Tav! Give a random headcanon, answer a random question, say whatever you want!

#Baldur's Gate 3 #Baldur's Gate 3 Spoilers #BG3 Spoilers #Ask list #OC Ask list #long post sorry

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biologyluv · 2 years

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Atelocynus microtis

This odd-looking canine is called a short-eared dog. They are so elusive, though, that they are often called “ghost dogs.” Sightings of them are very rare, which makes research on them difficult.

There’s been a lot of confusion over what the short-eared dog is. It used to be in the lycalopex genus with the zorros and the cerdocyon genus with the crab-eating fox, who it resembles, but now it’s in its own genus- atelocynus.

Short-eared dogs live in the Amazon rainforest in Peru, Columbia, Ecuador, Bolivia, and Brazil. They try to live far away from people, making them highly susceptible to habitat loss. Because of this it is suspected that their population is decreasing, but because sightings of them have always been rare it’s hard to estimate how many are left.

Studies of short-eared dog scat suggests that they eat lots of fruit, rodents, and fish. The fish in their diets along with their partially webbed feet could mean that short-eared dogs spend a lot of time in water, similar to the bush dog.

Much of what is known about these elusive animals comes from one short-eared dog named Oso, who was found when he was a puppy by a logger. He was then raised with pet dogs until a wildlife veterinarian named Renata Leite Pitman took over his care. By observing how Oso found food and interacted with other animals, Pitman learned about parts of the short-eared dogs’ life that scientists previously knew almost nothing about.

Before Pitman’s work with Oso, virtually nothing was known about short-eared dog vocalization, or the sounds they make. The veterinarian observed that Oso was very quiet but whined or “roared” when he was uncomfortable, and he occasionally made an unusual call that was “similar to some species of owl calls.”

When Oso was around 4 years old he was released into the wild with a tracker, allowing researchers to continue to learn about short-eared dogs.

I rate these very mysterious ghost dogs 13/10. They have a very distinctive look.

Photo credits:

(1) Galo Zapata-Rios (2) Owlcation (3) Renata Leite Pitman (4) Renata Leite Pitman (5) eMammal

#short eared dog #animal #animals #nature #wildlife #canine #wild animals #world #canid #dog #South America #South American animals #short-eared dog #canines #long post sorry

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driftwoodwolf · 1 year

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hi everyone! today I present to you fake insta post clear card designs ft. thumbs up mizuki, sparkle on date, and ryuki losing it, probably :)

I know clear cards are kinda niche but they were on my merch bucket list and I'm excited to see how they turn out!! stay tuned~

find me on twitter @/driftwoodwoof

#aitsf #ai the somnium files #aini #ryuki #kaname date #mizuki okiura #kuruto ryuki #aiba #nirvana initiative #nirvanai #my art #fan art #merch #clear cards #long post sorry #I made some other designs as well but these are the only ones w/ new art

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nutmeg-cider · 5 months

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guillermo’s job description includes “other duties as assigned” such as:

- helping your boss design and attain the ideal dick

- your boss subsequently thinking about you every time he uses the dick

- being your boss’s best……..man

- being your boss’s “heart guard”

- being your boss’s closest companion of 13 years

- having homoerotic physical altercations with your boss

- agreeing to take a knee by the river while your boss bites your neck

- your boss clinging to one of your sweaters like a comfort blankie while you’re missing

- your boss violating multiple highly venerated vampiric customs in one day just to see you happy

- your boss literally constructing an intricate ritual that involves him tenderly tying a cape around your shoulders (paralleling what you have been doing for him for years)

- cuddling with a hand sewn plushie version of your boss when you miss him

- circumcising your boss

- giggling and kicking your feet while your boss literally flies to outer space to impress you

- having a crazy high kill count just to protect your boss from harm

- loving your boss most out of everyone because he’s the queen bitch

- your boss only being alive because you let him live

- your boss leaning over to rest his head on your shoulder

- your boss’s wife, who is essentially spellbound to like everything he likes in the most literal sense, kissing you all over your face and telling you she doesn’t know what she’d do without you

- your boss, after putting himself in a position of vulnerability while you hold a weapon to his throat, whispering in 2 languages that you can kill him if you think he’s lying to you

- your boss gently cradling the head and touching the hair of what he thinks is your dead body

- you boss keeping and a card you gave him 13 years ago and knowing by heart the message you wrote on it

- returning to your boss and intimately caring for him no matter how much he hurts you because you can’t shake your feelings of undying devotion to him

- also kind of getting off on the power you have over him by carrying the household on your shoulders so effectively that things devolve into chaos when you leave

#but he’d never fuck his boss #long post sorry #i got carried away #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #nandermo #brewing cider

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bloodandwhump · 5 months

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Doctor Baker: But you'll mend fast. You'll be up and movin' around in a week, 10 days. Mr. Hanson: Yah, the rest will do you good. Charles: I can't spend a week in bed. I've got a lot of work to do. Mr. Hanson: You do what the Doc tells you! I will talk to O'Neil. Charles: It's not just stackin' the grain. I've got plowin' to do. I've got work in the barn. Doctor Baker: It will have to wait. I'll check back in a couple of days, Mrs Ingalls. Caroline: Thank you, Doctor. I'll see you out. Mr. Hanson: You stay in bed.

Little House On The Prairie S01E01 "A Harvest of Friends"

#western whump #vintage whump #whump community #little house on the prairie #lhotp #i made this gif #re-uploaded #LONG POST SORRY #i can't help it i just like it when the gifs are big

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noonaracha · 8 months

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happy birthday to the han and only ★★★★★

#my little quokkanut #han jisung #stray kids #bystay #3rachasource #han #han jisung gifs #mine #long post sorry #tw flash #5 star skz #hannie day

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neathyingenue · 8 months

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thanks to @the-avaricious-meddler's journal i can now explain just a few reasons WHY this es is so bad!!! brought to you by my not-even-that-extensive knowledge of maya history (my dad is central american, i majored in spanish, and i spent a semester in mexico)--

(1) the jaguar is not a villain just because it's a carnivore! it's a symbol of power and beauty made even more poignant for indigenous people in the wake of the conquista!

(2) the lords of xibalba weren't seen as these great guys! in fact, the popol vuh, the mayan creation myth, features the heroes defeating the lords of death (xibalba) in a ball game!

(3) yes, there were ritual killings in the pre-conquista americas, but they were way rarer than colonial history would have you think. also like literally every culture has ritual killings, it doesn't make a culture inherently violent

(4) holy shit the idea of a deferential indigenous leader who turns out to want your blood is so pervasive in racist conquistador accounts (if you haven't read hernan cortes's journals, don't, they are disgusting) holy shit

tl;dr the es puts its own assumptions onto maya culture! like thinking jaguar=scary=bad, or existence of underworld gods=people worship those gods=people worship death=people are bloodthirsty, or colonial-era accounts of indigenous people=how it actually was back then. at best that's ethnocentric, at worst, it's white supremacist!!

(anyway i'm a sensitivity reader on the side so failbetter hmu if you want to do BETTER and not FAIL (ba doom shh) )

#fallen london #long post sorry #es spoilers

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fightbee · 9 months

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I’m never finishing this animatic but I figured someone out there would want to see some tftbl content so here are some stills I like

#tftbl #rhys borderlands #rhys strongfork #rhys tftbl #tales from the borderlands #handsome Jack #handsome Jack tftbl #I still wanna make an animatic just for a different song hrm #my art #long post sorry #ai jack #ai handsome jack

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maxsix · 5 months

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#seonghwa #park seonghwa #ateez #long post sorry #but it was difficult to pick which shots to use #i had to scrap so many good ones #looking straight out of a film noir #he has very classic features #like from another time and era #some faces just look like they know what tiktok is

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ram-like · 5 months

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I've seen a lot of people posting on the RAMCOA tag about feeling as if they still hate some of their parts for what they've done, and don't believe that all of their parts will ever recover (or be able to recover, or deserve to recover, etc), and frankly - this makes me really sad.

I don't blame any individual person. I completely understand where it comes from, completely. It makes me sad because it reminds me of the way that I used to think about my own parts, and how unhealthy it was for me in both the long and short term.

In general: I know it is hard. I know it is so very, incredibly hard to stop seeing these parts as people who hurt you, or connecting them to people who hurt you. I know that it doesn't happen without lots of time, and effort, and strength, and work and intervention. But it does happen - I have come to realise that to be completely and entirely honest the only thing that has genuinely made a measurable difference to me in the short term (and long term) is fully coming to terms with the fact that my parts are all parts of me, and we all experienced the same thing. It's easy to see some parts of yourself as victims, and others as perpetrators, and I know that sometimes that can help - being able to have someone to blame in the here and now, who'll always be there - but this isn't really the whole truth.

All, every single one of, your parts, as a trauma survivor, is a trauma survivor. They all went through what you did in some way or another. Your parts who are the "perpetrators" in the modern day are just more victims, really, of your genuine abusers. And so I know that these parts can do terrible things, but they're still trauma responses. I have done terrible things as a trauma response and I have hurt people around me and I have done wrong. But I am still a victim, and I am still a survivor. None of these things disqualify me from deserving to heal. None of these things disqualify any of my parts from deserving to heal.

The single thing that has helped me the most in my recovery is treating every single one of my parts with genuine compassion, and acknowledging everything that we do is out of a continual need for survival.

Some day, I hope that all of my parts can feel comfortable enough to stop reenacting this trauma, to stop carrying these thoughts and feelings and to stop echoing abuser sentiments. But for now, all I can do is love every single one of them from the bottom of my heart, and continue to treat them as such. Even if they can't do the same, not yet.

#long post sorry #trauma survivor #cult survivor #oea #oea survivor #ramcoa #ramcoa survivor #tbmc #did system #programmed system #programming survivor #did #osddid #actually did #ramlike-speaks

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kangals · 5 months

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some of it is definitely just Cope but I am, begrudgingly, grateful that Stellina and I have ended up having so much time together on our own. going from 2 dogs down to 1 (and the reverse) is a bigger shift in dynamic than I think a lot of people would expect.

obviously i love Stellina and we’ve always had some sort of bond, but my suspicion - which I now think was correct - was that she always was more attached to Boone than she was to me. it was very stark in the first few months after his passing what a big hit her confidence took. a lot of her more silly behaviors - the honking at the cat, wriggling around on the ground, sleeping belly-up, demand barking - immediately vanished. and it wasn’t that she wasn’t still an overall happy and content dog, but that she was just… less loudly so. she started choosing to sleep in her upstairs crate that was far out of the way of activity. she got exceptionally nervous around the cat and started getting fearful of doorways. just small behaviors like that that were easy to disregard in the moment but now looking back seem like a much more obvious picture.

it’s on me, too. while i took her on plenty of solo outings, we’ve definitely always had a more shallow bond than I had with Boone. and there’s lots of reasons (I had him much longer, he was an anxious one-person dog, he liked physical touch more). and it always kind of felt like while I “spoke” fluently with Boone, Stellina was more of a “well it gets the point across” proficiency instead. it’s really only in the last month or so that it seems like things have finally fallen into place. that she’s back to being wiggly and mischievous and loudly so. and that I’m starting to look at her and call her and feel that same bone-deep fondness as I used to have with a very different dog. a little echo of love from another time.

It took me years to get to this point with Boone too - I always used to say that I liked him better every year. and I know at some point down the road I’ll be repeating this again, with a different loss and a different bond. but it’s just been a nice realization to see that both of us will come out the other side and be better for it.

#long post sorry #sitting on my patio on a warm November day realizing 6 months have almost passed #staring at the spot where i saw him last #listening to the happy little grunts of a dog rolling around and kicking up grass behind me #something something grief and love are intertwined something something

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