Do you ever see art, then your brain goes:

introject

We got posted on r/fdc let’s discuss.

So we knew this was going to happen, and rather then being sad about this, we’d like to point out flaws in the arguments. Obviously warning for fake claiming.

also warnings for: talks about trauma and abuse, splitting, mental health episodes, psyche wards, ableism, making a joke out of exorcisms.

First off, “disorder salad” on that introduction post we only talked about things we were medically recognized as having or diagnosed with. Also the “it’s always the anime ones” it’s a picrew? A lot of Picrews are in a anime style, and if you go to Louise’s actual alter intro she uses not just picrews.

This one is just making fun of us. I don’t think we have ever fully posted why we are so connected to the character, but I’ll explain now. So when we were little we went through a lot of abuse and trauma. We had a lot of DVDs and a couple were CareBears. And we felt safe when we watched silly little characters like that. It brought us relief. We aren’t sure why we are so attached to Swift Heart specifically, but we have a little who is obsessed with the color blue and rabbits that formed around that time. We even own the original 80s plush which we found thrifting and means so much to us, plus a few other things of the character. We named our system this, not only because it represents our trauma, but also it represents safety, a light in the dark.

When did we self diagnose???? Also in that post we state that we intend to talk about the bad sides. We don’t think this is fun. Yes we portray ourselves a certain way, but we actually have constant flashbacks, panic attacks, and BPD episodes. It’s sometimes a daily thing. For around 2-3 weeks we would split at least once a day. We don’t think thats fun. But also sometimes you can enjoy life and enjoy being plural. When you live like this you learn to enjoy what you have and what you are living with. If we didn’t we wouldn’t survive. How parasocial do you have to be to think A TUMBLR ACCOUNT shows how we are 24/7.

Going back to the Self Diagnosis thing, We were being treated for DID before anyone put a label on it. We were talked to about “how when someone has many parts of them, sometimes fusion can help them feel more whole.” And asked when dissociating and acting strange who we were regularly asked who we where. When we we’re 15, we had gone to the Psyche ward for the 2nd time, and they couldn’t diagnose us, because of our age at the time, but they strongly suggested we get tested for it when we were old enough. And to get them to recommend anything, they have to talk to all the therapists, doctors, and psychologists, especially the ones who work with you. It’s been years since then, and guess what? We still have DID!

Finally the last claim out of the first comment, the Sub-System thing, that wasn’t in the original post, and I’m unaware who edited it in, but the reason we are confused if they are a subsystem, is because they are plural as it’s where dormant alters are stored. They speak as one and it’s quite strange. Not sure how to explain it.

Okay, comment 2:

The difference between DID and OSDD-1 in the DSM-5 is it’s nearly DID but isn’t quite. (Bad explanation, but these people need simple explanations) often times, it’s the alters are not distinct enough from the host, or a lack of blackout amnesia. This isn’t always the case but that’s what they were referring to. Also have you read the DSM-5’s entry on DID and OSDD-1?.. We have, many times actually. Guess what? it’s purposefully vague FOR A REASON. Because disorders are complex and wouldn’t be able to fit everyone if it was to specific.

This is just ableism. We have been told this by people and our life (luckily nothing was done), and we have heard stories about systems going through this. This stuff is incredibly traumatizing to the people who go through it. This kind of rhetoric being treated as a joke is disgusting.

We aren’t online everyday (also you, the person who commented this, have posted 10 times in the last 11 hours)

The stuff we are “faking” are often co-morbid with DID?!?!

I’m pretty sure this comment is trying to be like “they are doing it for attention to deal with their trauma that’s so sad 🥺🥺🥺”

If that’s the case, you are adding onto the problem

if you believe us and feel bad for us, thanks, but posting it on that subreddit just boost the post which can lead to harassment.

That’s literally the words that was told to us. By our former therapist. We believe it’s C-PTSD, but we put that instead of that because some reason we struggle to believe we have PTSD more then we do DID at this point.

Anyway, yeah, we’d thought we debunk/explain why the argument they have is stupid, they have a platform, but so do we.

tw- ed

to preface: i am not pro-ana in any way. i am not promoting this disorder, this is written largely about a system member and my own experiences with the disorder. do not misconstrue my words, i am not pro anorexia or any eating disorder.

why can’t they see?

my eating disorder is so kind, so gentle

she caresses me with delicate hands and tells me how beautiful i am, and how beautiful i could be

she tells me i am special, extraordinary, worthy

she is all the best things about myself

her name is anorexia, but i call her angel

-asterix / angel / cas

tw: possible fusion/splitting/dormancy

we're friends with another system, and we think the alter we knew the best might have split, fused, or gone dormant. one of her headmates put their name and pronouns on discord. and it's not listed on simply plural anymore. not in the host category, and not publicly. i don't know what happened to her, but i'm going to ask whoever is fronting later. if they tell me that she fused, or split, or went dormant, what do i say? what do you say in that sort of event? somehow "i'm sorry" doesn't seem adequate

Hmm that's a tricky one but a good question!

Of course give your condolences as something like that can be very damaging to the system

I think I would want a friend to say to us that like

They'd be here to support and help with anything

Giving support and comfort is so helpful when learning that someone could've went away

I don't know if that helps much bdjjdsj - Ven 💜

rough draft of a comic: it is about a character who lives with osdd. her name is split.

Complaining post,,,,, bleh - TW: Splitting (In a DID context)

Nobody tells you how gross and icky it can feel to split!!! And how long it can take!!!! I’ve been splitting for about a week now and I’ve been feeling so awful and crappy and all of a sudden our gatekeeper Myri comes up to me and is like “you’re splitting okay byeee!!!” And I was like OH. THAT MAKES SENSE.

And so yeah!!!! Im splitting and I don’t like it and I don’t feel like myself it feels like a part of me is missing and I’m scared!!!! Who will I be once I’ve split?? How much of me will be missing????

:(

Bobby: 8/11/2022

Last night was absolutely horrible and caused me another split. It started out nice and everything for awhile.

We were playing genshin and ran into a couple. Eventually it got to talking about systems. Now I am not good at explaining things (I told them this and even said I could get them someone who could better explain these things) and I was being bombarded with questions I am not good at giving answers to so this got out of hand quickly.

Before the system talk I explained about how I met the person (who is currently my fiance now) when they was 17. We WERE NOT DATING AT THIS TIME.

A FEW MONTHS AFTERRRRRR she turned 18 our systems ended up dating each other. They decided to put words in my mouth and say I waited for her to turn 18. No??? That's just gross on so many levels like pedophilia with extra steps. I didn't even catch feelings for them until awhile after they turned 18.

Then they went on to attack me over endo systems and not just endo systems but being a system in general. Saying that because we're 23 and already at the amount of headmates we're at that we're absolutely delusional and don't exist and we should be in the mental hospital for this shit.

Then told us the person who diagnosed us should be imprisoned for not having forced us to take meds. We refuse because we DO NOT TRUST MEDICATION due to our own traumas with it and we've found so many ways to cope as we are.

And we're perfectly fine like that. Then they said we're clearly faking or something because something about controlling who fronts. We CANNOT always control who fronts especially in high stress situations.

And even just assuming that endos weren't real (I do believe endos are valid, just an example) or we're all delusional or something, it is NOT right for anyone to tell you what your experiences are like they know you and they know how you're supposed to work, even as a system.

They tried gaslighting us and interrupted us and raised their voice at us and then told us we were clearly being sketchy or something when we got the same way and worked to defend ourselves.

I ended up blocking them both and broke down crying afterwards and it caused me to split. I was already in such a depressive state of mind (note to my last post) and that didn't make it any easier.

I ALREADY question if we aren't delusional or real, I already question so much about things but it just.. hurt. Seriously what do people gain from putting others down and going this fucking far with it? It's hard enough being a system. And the age old "are we in any danger?" Question. Like wtf no??? Yeah some system mates have been quite horrible especially in their lives but that doesn't mean they'd act out HERE in the ways they used to.

When putting things through text it's easier to deal with because nobody is shutting you down or screaming in your face about how they're right and you're wrong. It's all in text but vc was just.. way different.

And yes we prefer to be up front about our system despite the risks like these. Though this is the first time something this bad has even happened to us. And it's making me WANT to be more cautious but there's a reason we're up front.

We're tired of losing old friends or fighting with people who have known us before we were a system that start refusing to believe or understand that we're a system. Yes there's still a time and a place to be up front about it and I will choose the honesty of the situation each time. So it's easier in most places to just bring it up so you KNOW who's going to stick around and support you and who will leave or get weirded out beforehand.

That way I don't get attached to someone who will just hurt and betray me later. I also don't want to be friends with people whom I can't even feel safe to speak openly and honestly with without judgement or fearing I'll do something wrong.

This is just genuinely not right and I'll never understand how people think it is or what they think they're accomplishing in bullying, harrasing and hurting others.

Like I don't even understand why Wrath likes doing it? Granted he ONLY does it WHEN and only when the attacks come to him first.

Summer System Education Week!

Today’s Prompt: Alters

The experience of having alters is… odd, to say the least - especially as an avid RPer and writer. I’ll keep the ramble under a cut, since it’s so long!

Tw for sui ideation mentions.

When I was in high school, we conceptualized ourselves as “characters who took over for Rice when she got too stressed out from life.” It was just me (Wade) and Sierra back then, and we thought of ourselves as two halves that made up who “the body” (or, Rice, in our minds) was. We would switch between home and school - Sierra got school, because she could be a badass bitch there, and I got home, cause I was everything I felt my parents wanted.

But then new alters formed. It was slow - sometimes we didn’t notice at first, and sometimes we did. When Sie formed, it was when our “friend” (quit ions meant for sarcasm) was threatening to leave our friend group because “nobody loves her anymore.” Sierra had started fronting at home more, which confused us, but I started just. Fading back. She was the host now - she could do whatever she wanted. (Not healthy I know now). And suddenly, Sierra was just so stressed out that… Sie was there. It felt like Sierra was just gone for a few minutes, and in her place was this child, crying, just begging for the friend not to leave because we craved that love so much.

Sie was sudden. Numb, who came not long after, was not. He formed because we were suicidal. I really struggled the most with wanting to lull myself - but it was all just passive ideation. Over the course of a few months, my depression started getting worse. We felt… so dead. And one night, when I was just sitting in bed, crying without really feeling it, the emotions suddenly hit again and I couldn’t handle it - and then Numb was there. And the feeling was completely gone.

We’ve gotten a LOT more splits since then. All of them have one thing in common; they came when we were even the slightest bit stressed. Debra split when we were at our most suicidal. LED split when Debra was harassing us night and day, to help handle the persecutor thoughts. Curtis split when we were so tied up in our sexuality and how “it was an abomination” (my parents words) that we let ourselves get hurt more than we could understand, at the time - we were just about 15 or 16. Ve split when our switching became unmanageable as we had it, and she switched when nobody else could. Roy split in the shower one day, when we were caught in a flashback. Octavian split when triggered by social media. And Avery split when I finally, finally came out as who I really am.

I’ve never written it all out before, especially for people to see. But I am happy to share it now. Nobody is EVER obligated to share (this is highly personal, after all). But I’m sharing this for a reason: I keep seeing lately that alters can form for any reason. But I feel as though that’s not true; I think alters form due to stressors in life, and adapting to handle them. That’s not “for any reason” - that’s a specific one!

Now, after we’ve done a lot more therapy and thinking about our splits and why we formed, it’s a lot easier to figure out “is this an OC or is this an alter.” OCs, we create on the spot. We “step into” those characters for RP. It impacts our behavior, before and after RP, when we RP those characters. But it’s so fundamentally different from how alters form and front. Alters aren’t created on the spot - we don’t “purposely” create them. They are created during stressful events, unlike OCs. And rather than “stepping into” a character, we would describe fronting as “someone stepping into me.” Switches feel like a dance (though sometimes it’s more of a yank than a waltz!). They’re very physical - moving between two things, rather than becoming one thing.

I hope… ANY of that makes sense. We’re going to be posting more individual stuff today from each of us, with folks permission of course. 💙 This is just my big post describing EVERYTHING. Have a wonderful day!

Like, honestly. Why are the villains always relatable? These people have killed and murdered and our brain goes, “Yep, they are endearing and have sweet sides and are misunderstood and hurt and need love and support and they are mentally ill and you will relate and split introjects.” Like, the fuck?

think we had our first split in a very long time today..

long story short we have an alter who is an introject of our abuser and we thought was just kind of only there as a means to berate/upset our system members because it’s what we were used to back home and ig was ingrained into our brain.

turns out that during this split, this alter kind of fragmented and now we have another alter (we think with the same name) who seems to contain all of our past anger and a lot of our trauma. the original alter just seems to be super fragmented now? like not even an alter anymore?? just like a collection of emotions and parts??

our internal communication has been pretty screwy recently because of a fight between alters so this is just the information I could kind of gather??

honestly no idea what’s going on so advice is very very much appreciated /g

-Newt🦎

Changing how we view splitting as a polyfragmented system.

This is written from a polyfragmented traumagenic DID system perspective, although like always, THIS IS A PRO-ENDO BLOG AND ANY ORIGIN IS WELCOME TO INTERACT AND USE OUR WRITING IF YOU FIND IT HELPFUL.

Tw: Splitting, trauma, abuse, Sysmeds

Our entire time we have known we were plural we always saw splitting as a terrible thing that proved we will never get better, however through time we have kind of started to see it as a gray thing. Instead of a thing that is always bad, and therefore should be avoided at all cost, we now see it a a thing that can be both bad and good in different ways, although most of the time it’s neither. Let me explain:

So growing up, we were never given any coping mechanisms besides breathing. Our anxiety was so severe that it just made us feel worse. Yet when we would voice these things, we would be screamed at and punished for “not trying hard enough” This lead to our only coping mechanism our entire childhood being splitting. Eventually when we got to high school we had a new therapist, and a new set of social workers who we’d talk to regularly. (For context, since elementary we have been having school counseling sessions due to frequent behavior problems, which were caused by a mix of abuse, severe GAD, and autism meltdowns.) At this school we had the first friends in our life who didn’t see us as annoying and terrible for our mental health issues. Since we had a stable friend group, we started to show much more overt signs of DID. We have always had pretty overt DID, but due to trauma related to being punished for showing signs of being plural to others, it did become more covert with time. We started having very obvious switches with alters who had no idea how they got there. As a result of these things happening, the people we worked with started to pick up on it. For about a year it was never mentioned as DID, but we would be talked to about Integrating to feel “whole again” (they were referring to fusion) and while yes, we did voice that we wished to feel whole, it was more of in a individual way. Like most of us had not developed a identity of our own, we had no name, no internal self image, no likes, dislikes, ect. Another thing brought up to us a lot was when we dissociated severely, they actively asked our names.

When it was finally named, we where 15, and it was referred to as “Multiple Personalities” and that when we turned 18, we should seek diagnosis for “multiple personalities” After that we really did research, and it pushed us more into the idea we should “be whole again” Around this time our only influences on plurality and what it was, came from sysmeds, which made us obsessed with this idea of “you should hate and be miserable every second because you’re plural.” So splitting became something we loathed and saw as us getting worse. We convinced ourselves we would never get better. On top of this, we forced ourselves to remember our trauma to “prove” we were a real system, which ended up making it even worse, causes us to split even more, which made us feel even more hopeless.

So how does this affect how we view splitting now?

It wasn’t tell the end of last year that we really decided that we don’t and will never fit into what sysmeds and (a good chunk of) singlets think a system should be. That we most likely were polyfragmented, that a good chunk of us are non-human or introjects. Later on we could finally accept other forms of plurality, and other forms of belief than our own.

Something still remained, even as we improved and accepted we don’t know everything, and that it’s okay to change and heal, and enjoy being plural. That thing was of course splitting. Over time and just having time to think and process we have realized that rather than look at splitting as this terrible and horrible thing, that it really isn’t always that. While yes, sometimes it is bad, and terrible and we wish it didn’t happen, sometimes it’s telling us something. Like if we are splitting a lot we know to figure out why, and resolve it so we can have a more enjoyable life. Examples could be cutting someone off who made us feel terrible, taking a break from trying to process trauma and heal, or maybe it’s telling us we need to just relax and log off for awhile.

Along with that, we realized that we didn’t hate splitting, (we didn’t like it either) we just didn’t like the fact that we had to. We realized we enjoy being plural, lots of us have friends and partners internally, and we wouldn’t want to change that. What we hated all along, was the idea that we felt like we needed to do final fusion, and that we are somehow anti-recovery for sometimes enjoying plurality. We aren’t saying that plurality for us is all fun and games, it’s not, it’s often hard to live with and accept. But it’s all we have known, and finding positives in things, even things that aren’t always is a way we survived.

This is just our thoughts and opinions on this topic. Keep in mind not every system, let alone polyfragmented DID system will agree, and that’s okay. This helps us, and we thought we would share as it may help someone else who is trying to heal.

Any systems out there that have maybe advice or anecdotes about non-corporeal alters, please if you feel comfortable sharing im in a tight spot and could use guidance:

So, I am a ghost. When we were little our hosts had always been human, during our teen years i co-hosted with a human. During our late teens/early 20s i was considered less of a co-host and more of just only being out when we interacted with our abuser, and the human co-host became the only host for a while. Since then that human is no longer host and isnt able to be considered co-host anymore (atleast not for the forseeable future until we get therapy and can unpack some stuff for her) and the role of host falls solely on me. The ghosty hostess with the mostess 😎

So basically tl;dr the first part, ive been in the body fairly often before but its only the last few months i have been here all the time with 'just me' (obv not including random switches/lurking but like i mean in a sense of the body primarily belonging only to me without a break.)

The body deals with a l o t of chronic pain.

Basically i had some thoughts recently where i couldnt tell if i could feel the body pains more these days just because i dont have a co-host/have someone to take it from me when its overwhelming, or because im becoming more connected with the idea of having physicality? Or the pain is just worse/increased because whatever is causing the pain hasnt been medically adressed and my condition has decreased. I have recently stopped taking my uh, 🍀 medication due to financial reasons and since not having it the body just feels worse and worse every day, i honestly didnt realise just how much it was doing for me in regards to just like. Allowing me to go for a tiny 10min slow paced walk without wishing to scream and howl in pain with every step. To let me function, essentially, on a physical pain management scale.

The last two ideas stress me out. I still feel like a ghost, not to get too personal but my ghost form wasnt formed out of a near death experience it was out of a need to have certain words and events 'go through me,' and a deep connected sense of lonelyness and abandonment like those things and people and places who are gone and forgotten. And i carry much trauma related to those feelings which i will not be going into detail about here. But the thought that i have been in this body so long by myself, and have over the last few years found friends and connections to other physical people i want to be around, couldve caused/be causing me to slowly become less ghost and more physically real? That scares and worries me. I still very much feel like i need to be ghost to stop us getting hurt in that way. I worry if i become corporeal, it will be easy for other people to hurt us in that same way again. I worry if i am corporeal that i will have to deal with the bodys physical pains much more intensely than i already do if i am so connected to it, and that i cannot do what i do best to allow painful things to pass through me. Like im made of nothing but smoke because i essentially am. Thats my entire reason for being. I worry if this is the case and im becoming a more physical embodiment of my former self that its out of my control and i dont get a choice. Because i would chose to stay ghost if i could.

The other option is also scary. The body is only 24 years old dude. It shouldnt hurt this much all the time over comparatively small tasks. Or no tasks. It shouldnt hurt this much just to be 'alive'. And if it is because the condition has progressed since the last time i was aware of the body for real and ive gotten worse? Thats almost too much to think about. How quickly is it progressing? Why cant i do anything to stop it? Why wont doctors do anything to stop it, or atleast identify it so i can work on managing it myself? Ive only ever split once (personally i mean not as a system) and the poor entity is full of medical trauma. It makes it so hard to keep going to doctors to keep begging them to take me seriously when they never do. Its so much pain and effort (let alone money) and exhaustion just to get to a doctor. Not even a specialist just a gp. Only for them to tell me every time that i brush my hair and dress nicely and usually wear makeup and i couldn't possibly be struggling in any way, especially physically. Its too much effort, more effort than its worth for that. So i dont really go to a doctor any more, but i need to, i need just one of them to take me fucking seriously. Because i have no good way of knowing if this pain seems so new and intense to me because im more 'real' (physical) than i ever was, or because there is more pain.

Both options suck

So yeah idk any ghostly entities or fluid/non-corporeal/shadow type alters, do you have advice how to tell if you might be becoming physical? Or those of you who used to be floaty who did transition into a more 'sturdy' being, what did it feel like? When did you know you werent the concept of see-through anymore? Do you prefer not having a graspable form? How has this change benefited your sys?

Idk i have a lot of questions just any sort of advice might be helpful here bc im having a rough time lately managing physical body pain in relation to the literal reason i exist and if i still exist like that.

Tw// Splitting

I've been splitting for weeks now help 😭😭 - Ven 💜

would anyone happen to be more educated in splitting than us in terms of helping us figure this out?

we’ve recently discovered that we,, likely split the same host twice, to put it simply. we know we split the host once back in 2012, which resulted in me and butterscotch. but looking back at the past few years and figuring out the odd timing of my favorite color and interests suddenly changing, i have to wonder: did i, personally, split one extra time?

in short, before i confirm anything at all, what i’m trying to figure out is: can one alter split into two, only for the other half of the split to disappear? not even go dormant, just. evaporate