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#abuse mention tw
sailor-brunette · 6 months
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I am sick and tired of seeing shit takes from people about how characters like Sawako (Kimi ni Todoke) and Miyo (My Happy Marriage) are "unfeminist" because they're shy and soft-spoken. When Miyo is literally that way as a SURVIVAL TACTIC because SHE WAS FUCKING ABUSED And Sawako is showed to have social anxiety and the other kids are shown to kind of bully her. But both girls gain confidence and strength as both series progress. NOT ALL WOMEN HAVE TO BE STONE COLD BADASSES TO BE STRONG!!! Geez…
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uncanny-tranny · 3 months
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The first mistake I see people make is assuming there are completely "nonviolent" ways to be transphobic. It seems like some people conceptualize transphobia as being either violent (which is always physical in some way) or nonviolent (which is "simple" emotional, verbal, or psychological abuse)
It seems, also, that people presume that when somebody has "noble" intentions for their transphobia - "I'm trying to save you!" for instance - it is suddenly nonviolent. Consider, though, how a transphobe would "save" a trans person. Would they allow that person to exist unadulterated (including being able to transition), or would they prefer to put them through conversion therapy, or revoke their access to bodily autonomy, or force them to have children, or anything that will prevent them from transition or even identifying as trans or otherwise tying them down with the obligations that prevent transition or identifying as trans?
There is no true "nonviolent" way to be transphobic because being transphobic relies on denying one the ability to autonomy and personhood. Fundamentally, even the transphobes who "want to save us" only do so in their own self-interest to save them from the horror of knowing that more people than they are alive and thriving.
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mariaiscrafting · 29 days
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Jack responded, here are some key points:
He stands with Shelby 100%
Although he has his own experiences with abuse, he never experienced anything with Wilbur
He finds it upsetting to see people online speculating about if he had been abused, too
This came as a big shock for him and he likely won't say anything more on the subject in the future
Here's the link to Women's Aid that he provided in chat: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
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greensaplinggrace · 8 months
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yeah you know what? I'm going to get into this. "don't humanize villains"/"this abuser is a monster" is some of the worst character discourse in fandom. abusers are not other. abusers are not always easy to recognize. othering someone who's done terrible things from humanity is an arrogant, poisonous idea.
that is a person who is doing those things, and you want so badly to be unable to fall into such patterns of harm and abuse that you will force that person into another category of species altogether, and in so doing you spare yourself from introspection and you give yourself a pretty little pedestal to stand on and you shame everybody who fell for a red flag that is surely so easy to recognize. and you give into prejudice you assign moral values to attributes outside of yourself and you think you are so above doing harm that you could never act in such a way, even as it is a capability within all of us to do so.
get off your self righteous high horse for a moment and use your fucking brain. I'm sick of people in fandom claiming to be the most moral members that are the "only people willing to discuss this" and then every statement out of their mouth is harmful and pervasive word vomit.
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lostcitysystem · 3 months
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My heart goes out to other systems who have to spend the holidays with their abusers.
You will be free from them some day.
You are not to blame for their actions.
You are doing your best.
You are loved.
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thelaboratorysguilt · 1 month
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Why I don’t want KOSA to become a act: A message to those who support it
I have a non-binary friend who likes women. I have a transgender friend. Their parents don’t know this. And they are not good. If they were found out, their lives would change for the worse.
They would possibly be sent to conversion therapy, be shunned, be abused, they would be hurt, they would be disowned, be forced to be someone they aren’t.
If you want safety for the people. Why do you want it to be your very own, sanitized world full of nuclear families who have unhappy parents because they have been forced into the american rules. Why do you want that kind of world where we watch football while people are dying. Why do you want silence, not freedom? I thought this country was a free country. This country is a horrible place, and I can’t with this. We’d lose friends we made online, we would lose them and we can’t get them back, we can’t do that. Because the government would have eyes and ears all over, the content we watch would be dictated. The media would have to be approved.
We live in a world that can’t listen. We live in a world that is soon to become a dystopia if we don’t act. We live in this horrible world.
Signed, a Aromantic asexual. Someone who may get exposed to the government if this bill gets passed by the law.
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deadboysheart · 24 days
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was thinking about this recently and i just don't get the appeal behind sticking john with that One Kid Who Will Not Be Named/any mainstream dc magic character (like billy). in order for it to even work, it involves completely butchering who he is as a character and reducing him to surface-level (and often exagerrated) traits.
his relationship towards children and young adults in hellblazer is very complex. it isn't something as simple as 'he likes them' or 'he doesn't like them.' there are so many factors that come into play (such as his father's abuse towards him during his childhood & what happened with astra) that influence this view. it's displayed through the various interactions he has in the series, prominently with gemma, mercury, syder and ivy, shona [#27], timothy hunter, etc. it's one of the parts of him that i genuinely enjoy seeing written, and it really does suck when he gets reduced to 'Funny Drunk Magic Mentor/Dad.'
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yusiyomogi · 11 months
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honestly i don't like the idea that dutch never actually loved john and arthur. aside of what you define as "love", i think dutch truly believed he loved them and had a strong feeling of affection that parents usually have for their children. it's just his love means nothing in the end and that's what important.
his love wasn't unconditional. like many self-centered parents, he loves his children as long as they are obedient or at least act in a way he approves of. and when they don't agree with him, it's like an act of ultimate betrayal to him, something that twists his feelings into "i loved you but you've changed" sorta mindset (along with "you're ungrateful little shit"). and this is much more horrifying than "dutch just pretended he cared about them", because it's so real, so palpable to many people who grew up with self-centered and abusive parents.
and that creates such a complicated dynamic between all of them, it's truly painful to watch. hell, even after dutch left him for dead, left arthur for dead and turned back on his family, john still can't bring himself to kill dutch. even though john was always rebellious one, free-thinking one, he's still conflicted in the end. and that's so fucking sad, because this kind of wounds can never fully heal.
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howtostandinsilence · 9 months
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how does it feel to know that the author that created the character you’re defending outright called out the pro darkling fans and actually used their arguments against them in the king of scars duology? you know something’s off when even the AUTHOR says you’re wrong lmao
I don't respect Leigh Bardugo enough to care about her opinions. Sorry 🤷🏽‍♀️. She speaks about issues she clearly doesn't understand and acts like she's the authority on the subject, she wrote a story "against abuse" that somehow made the message worse, and she infantilizes her female fans as well as her female characters. Her writing supports oppression and racism, and has a pretty heavy theme of assimilation and conformity. She cheapens real oppression, abuse, manipulation, and grooming with her heavy handed attempts at writing them when she's so clearly ignorant.
The King of Scars duology is so badly written it's almost laughable. Zoya's rise to power is highly offensive, especially when it comes to how the persecution of her people is handled. Leigh Bardugo doesn't actually use Darkling fan arguments against them in the KoS duology (or prove them wrong) because she doesn't seem capable of understanding what they're even saying. She can't effectively argue against or disprove something she cannot even a) properly address, or b) understand at it's most fundamental level.
Even so, what she has to say about the subject is simply wrong. She clearly doesn't even know how cults or religions work, and the levels of finger-pointing in the KoS duology are so extreme as to be comical. You mean the Darkling that was dead all this time is somehow the cause of the problems the main characters created? He is somehow manipulating them even now from beyond the grave? At what point do people realize they're just using a convenient scapegoat?
"You know something's off when even the AUTHOR says you're wrong" - Look I'm sorry to burst your bubble Anon but authors aren't actually an authority on anything, and especially not on very serious issues like persecution and abuse. Would you take HP Lovecraft's word about the morals in his stories? I doubt it. Because the author will always have prejudices outside of their writing that they incorporate into it, and Leigh Bardugo clearly does.
So no, I don't feel much of anything on the subject, because Leigh Bardugo has proven to have nothing important to say on it. In fact, she generally only has very harmful and ignorant things to say. And in true echo chamber fashion, so do her fans and Darkling antis.
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anti-ao3 · 2 months
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we all know this, but the way social media is trying to protect kids nowadays is rlly not what should be done.
like youtube completely disabling comments on videos "for kids", or tiktok (and others such as instagram) forcing users to censor words like "kill" or "death" - and instead replacing them with "unalive".
yes, the internet definitely needs proper moderation, it needs to protect kids better. but this is not how you do it. you can't sanitize things like "kill" or "death", especially now with what's happening in gaza and many other countries like yemen or sudan. you can't just pretend these things don't exist to protect kids. you can teach them without exposing kids to graphic content.
besides, censoring words or disabling comments entirely won't protect kids from being groomed, abused and/or harassed on the internet.
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niche-writings · 7 months
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hunter wittebane-noceda - general hcs.
this man loves physical touch (not that kind y'all nasty mfs)- hand-holding, hugs, shoulder pats, etc. he's touch-starved as hell. he'll probably cry on you if you hug him, but only if he's well-rested enough not to fall asleep instantly.
hugs from people he trusts are really the only way he feels safe... even when he's by himself, he's always on edge. it feels good to know somebody has his back.
that's probably why he's so tired all the time tbh. never been well-rested a day in his life because he just doesn't feel safe enough to let himself relax. dude probably has muscle knots for days.
became the golden guard at thirteen. his hands were very badly scarred on his first mission (like in the moringmark comic) when he had to dig his troop of scouts out from underneath a landslide. he ended up with bad nerve damage from the cold of the mountains, and his hands still shake pretty badly, even when he tries really hard to hold them still. he wears compression gloves to help combat this.
never been in a relationship and never had any friends. the closest thing he ever had to a friend was steve, and the age gap was frickin' enormous, so they never really connected in the same way as hunter would have connected with others his age. still, he sees steve like a big brother and a friend at the same time. steve is fond of hunter in the way a teacher is fond of a pupil, but definitely has no idea how much hunter worships and looks up to him as a person, and he definitely has no idea hunter has never experience any sort of love or affection before.
has legitimately no idea that what he went through with belos was abuse. thinks that he deserved every scar, every bruise, every injury, because he thinks that's just what parental figures do when you fuck up.
has panic attacks over seemingly very small things, and experiences deeply traumatic flashbacks if/when he has to walk through the palace again later in life. even though the flashbacks aren't necessarily noticeable to the people around him, he does have to find an excuse to leave so he has a chance to recompose himself in private.
probably has a mild eating disorder. comes from a similar place to his lack of sleep (aside from not being able to relax) where he has this idea in his head that he needs to be able to survive off of as little as possible and take up as little space/resources as possible.
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uncanny-tranny · 5 months
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It's weird how people paint "daddy issues" and even "mommy issues" as, like, a joke or a failure on part of the person who has those issues, rather than recognizing that daddy and mommy issues stem, for so many people, from abuse. What this all is is just abuse apologia, and nobody seems to either notice or maybe even care.
When somebody with daddy or mommy issues opens up about the "why," I can't ever seem to shake the fact that they tend to have gone through a ton of abuse and bullshit as a child. It's just crazy that other people would look at that and see a joke or a failure of the once-child who was abused.
#abuse#abuse tw#abuse mention tw#child abuse#child abuse tw#mental health#it really goes to show (to me) that people either can't or don't WANT to acknowledge that parents can be the ones to have fucked up#if all the blame is placed on their child/ren then you can maintain the illusion that the parent is always right...#...that parents know what is best and they will always do what is best for their child/ren#it's just weird to be somebody with parental issues and all that gets steamrolled into 'mommy issues' that then become a Big Joke...#...especially because i'm a man (and because people are misogynists who think it's just so funny that women are people)...#...i find that my own issues are expected to be treated as a joke or a punchline or something i must whisper in the dark...#...so that others may have the luxury of pretending to not hear it or to have the luxury of forgetting in the morning...#...and it just sucks because that leaves me to remember and grieve and doing that with the knowledge that my abuse Is A Joke at My Expense#if you wonder why so many abuse victims/survivors become unsavoury: this is why#i'm too bitter about this topic specifically to care about the comfort of people who don't get it and don't WANT TO...#...because it is THEY who are uncomfortable with the very NOTION that abuse happens#if you can't acknowledge that abuse happens WITHOUT downplaying to for your sense of comfort you will NEVER help abuse victims/survivors#you will find that you start prioritizing YOUR sense of comfort over the safety and continued survival of victims/survivors
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irondad-defensesquad · 5 months
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based on my last drabble...
tony has only had one pet in his entire life, when he was a kid. when it died, howard made him feel guilty for it, and he also shamed tony for crying (this actually happens in the comics, howard calls him a sissy).
so years later, when peter brings home a stray cat, tony initially refuses to take care of it. just like he was likely afraid of hurting peter, he's also scared he might kill another pet. with peter's insistence, tony allows the cat to stay one night.
peter says the cat reminds him of tony. and indeed, the cat can be grumpy and a little shit. but he's very cuddly and he loves peter.
in the end, tony allows himself to love this cat. and in a way, himself as well.
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greensaplinggrace · 7 months
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🔥 Aleksander's mommy issues and if that plays a role in his relationships
I will say until I die that aleksander's relationships with others are defined by his relationship with immortality and thus with his mother - who not only taught him everything about it, but who has also been the only consistent presence in his life for over four hundred years. this is the woman that developed an emotionally codependent and incestuous relationship with him as well as groomed him into the type of man she would wish to have a partnership with, which further defines the ways he views himself, the world, other people, and his connections to them.
all of this correlates to his many relationships, but especially his romantic one with alina. he mirrors his traumas with his mother and therefore with eternity in his dynamic with her. he is simultaneously the perpetrator and the victim. where he spent hundreds of years forgiving his mother for her abuse of him because the alternative is eternal loneliness, he expects of alina the same level of forgiveness for his actions based on that same latent despair - because he was taught at a fundamental age that a dichotomy exists in the universe, and the only way to find anything good at all - safety or happiness or connection - is to center all needs around the threat of inevitable punishment. not punishment in any physical sense, but punishment at a transcendental level.
the reason baghra did this was to groom him. the reason any parent does this (and it is especially prevalent with religion and cults) is to control their children and guide them toward the ideal path (which is always the path they themselves are on).
like most abusive relationships, baghra relies on cult tactics to develop a dynamic with her son that erodes all boundaries and erases any attempt at creating them further down the line - effectively taking ownership of his personhood and growth. she redefines his emotional associations to link them all to herself, and she even takes possession of his body in a variety of ways, until she has molded the perfect partner. one who shares all of her values and so will never leave her side - and who is entirely and completely isolated through both a lack of consistently stable connections and the lack of ability to create them.
baghra has always, after all, had her control threatened most by two things when it comes to her son: his idealism - which drives his moral compass away from her - and his desire for other connections. which means that to truly have him as a partner, she must take control of these narratives herself. so, she must destroy his ability to connect, and she must mold his morals to fit alongside her own. meaning constant and consistent contact with him and every part of his life.
similarly, we see even this reflected in aleksander's dynamic with alina. aleksander attempts to relate to her in the only way he knows how: by exerting control and by guiding her down the path he is on - by claiming to know what is best for her. in the exact same way baghra has continually tried to repossess him throughout the years by leading him down the 'best path for him' - one that she defines as redemption through inaction. one that she knows could allow her to control him again through reestablishing his existential relationship with punishment, loss, loneliness, and fear.
she seeks to do this because she needs him walking beside her again, easily pliable. because while time has furthered him from her, she is at least still in his life holding some of the reins, but nothing has threatened her grasp on her son as much as another prospective partner. one that won't harm him the way she has and one that could easily reveal exactly how much of himself he has lost to his mother in her claims about living eternally. one that could prove to be a real, stable relationship for him - unraveling all of the threads she so carefully wound.
like baghra did with him, aleksander fosters a codependent relationship with alina, because he was taught that such a relationship is the only way to survive immortality (and that this is how relationships work at all). he desires alina to be his immortal companion, in the same way his mother desired him, because he longs - probably without realizing - for a relationship that is not defined by constant abuse. but he has none of the resources to break free of the cycle of abuse, because he cannot even conceptualize that the things baghra taught him are abusive.
everything baghra taught him, he repeats to alina. every lesson about immortality, he repeats to alina. the possessiveness which defines his relationship with his mother - the ways she controls his interactions with others and isolates him completely - this he mirrors also with alina. because the only framework he possesses for a long-lasting connection is his relationship with his mother, and he is so starved for real connection that he craves it.
he craves it because baghra made him crave it. because she starved him of affection and made him reliant upon her as his sole provider for it. then she destroyed any other source he might find. she did this because she wanted to ensure he would always come back to her and forgive her. additionally, they are in the position of being entirely unique, which only further provides another tool for abuse. it is so so easy to neatly isolate someone when they are already othered completely and have no reliable means of long-term connection but you. it is so so easy to starve someone and lead them to believe they are gorging themselves when there is no other source of sustenance.
but then comes alina. who is also immortal. and who is quite capable of not only walking down aleksander's path, but having aleksander walk down hers. and alina will give aleksander the sustenance he needs. alina will give a long-lasting relationship with real happiness and affection and touch and love. alina will make him realize that the ways he tries to fulfill his cravings - the ways baghra taught him - are wrong.
which brings the situation to the plot.
alina's moral conflict is falsely dichotomized into two things:
a) kill the 'monster' and believe the true social issues that caused it can be solved through inaction.
or b) give in to the latent 'evil' that comes with being grisha, reveling in power, greed, and selfishness.
baghra as the author's mouthpiece supports the former, which means alina's 'enlightenment' must eventually follow this path - for the true moral message to be conveyed. and this path leads her away from the darkling. thus, it is inevitable within such a narrative that she would have to do so.
however, contextually, baghra's actions when putting alina on this path are those of an abuser losing control of their victim. while she operates within a narrative role, she acts in a way that is easily identifiable. the very specific way in which baghra confronts aleksander's relationships with others in both the books and the show (especially his relationship with alina) is that of someone who wishes to remove outside influences from the perfectly tailored environment of their victim. if alina begins to trust aleksander and start a relationship with him, then this environment will be disrupted - possibly destroyed - and he will be removed from baghra's influence forever. baghra, as an eternally lonely person, cannot let this happen.
but she has a new way of living, now. one that her son rejects, because he is finally trying to become his own person and create his own path. so, she molds alina into exactly what she is and ties alina to her completely, effectively ruining her son's chances for any connection outside of her ever again. not only that, but she severs any future attempts at connection between them by taking control of the narrative about aleksander. meaning alina will defer to baghra about him, about morals, about what paths to walk and what actions to take. she will defer to her about anything that leads in aleksander's direction, because she must 1) do so for narrative purposes (and baghra is first and foremost the narrative compass) and 2) reject all associations with his character completely.
so aleksander is now trapped in an abusive cycle with both women, and the options are either alina, who is not only his abuser’s mouthpiece, but someone who has been cut off from any attempt at a connection with him completely. or his mother, who is in many ways relying on alina's treatment of him to drive him back into her arms.
aleksander, who cannot conceivably understand why he longs for another partner, must focus on alina. but as someone who was brutally stripped of any ability to connect healthily, he can only communicate with her one way - through possession, control, fear, and manipulation. and because she now erects the same barriers baghra does and walks the same path as her- well. the pattern of abuse continues.
so yeah. I think he mimics his relationship with baghra in his other relationships. he attempts to connect in the only ways he knows how, and when he tries to move outside of the box and connect in his own way, baghra intervenes. he is a centuries old abuse victim that will literally never gain the resources or outside connections required to develop healthy relationships. and sab is lauded as a narrative on the side of abuse survivors. lmfao.
send me a 🔥 for an unpopular opinion (x)
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dykefoolish · 1 month
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how do i explain that sending me asks demanding that i speak about important situations just because i use to speak about the dream situation is fucking ridiculous and the reason i have not is because i 1. have not been keeping up with any of this stuff 2. i didnt even know some of this stuff happened 3. i have personal stuff going on in my every day life which makes coming online emotionally taxing 4. i am a victim of abuse and grooming. i am not required to make statements for every little thing that's going on. leave me alone.
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Cluster b culture is spending your entire childhood getting abused and traumatized and you survive it and then the entire world gets mad at you for not driving it “the right way” for having coping mechanisms that aren’t pretty or cute
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