#Tw psyche ward
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I'd honestly argue that self-diagnosing in some cases is absolutely crucial for someone experiencing something that they themselves don't know about. It's so important to do your own research into what you're experiencing BEFORE you go to the doctor about it - because so many doctors, in my experience, are incredibly quick to throw medication that you don't need at you and in some situations could cause actual harm to you or make you worse both physically AND mentally.
In worse cases, speaking to a doctor about troubling experiences (like thoughts of hurting others, or experiencing hallucinations) - and I'm not saying that this is the case all of the time - have you potentially be sent to a mental hospital or a psyche ward. Which... is where you want to be the least if you don't know anything about your condition yet.
In general, self-diagnosis, or doing research on your own health, shouldn't be shamed in general because due to the way the health system works - it's necessary in order to keep yourself safe until you're able to bring it up to a trusted doctor or physician.
It's common sense, everyone does it at this point, and it's because we know our own bodies better than most people that trusting your own gut and intuition is better than having yourself potentially be under a hundred different medications that limit and setting back your own health.
#pixie.txt#mental health#doctors#self diagnosis#self diagnosing#long post#i know all doctors aren't bad but it's better to be safe than sorry imo#until you can get a doctor you trust to talk about this sort of stuff#it's best to research as well. know what you're reading about#ask yourself ''does this really apply to me? does this happen on an almost daily basis?''#there's also overlapping conditions too! read everything u can find. some of this is actually genuinely interesting too#tw mental hospitals#tw psyche ward
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Monster March Day 19- Mermaid- Par t 4
Not The Only One
Because sometimes the most comforting thing can be learning that you're not alone. And that you're not the only one suffering in silence and that when you call out, you should be heard and that call should be answered.
Part 4
Not The Only One
And then just as your things got delivered to your new “room” from your old one. You were unpacking when you heard a male scream out. And you stood as straight as a needle.
It was the same ‘Just cut it off! I don’t want it!’ And you didn’t think- you just swam to the source of the sound to see another micro- being strapped to the chair like you had been days earlier.
“You shouldn’t be here!” Another nurse yelled at you but you ignored them and burst into the room.
“Wait! Don’t! Stop! Don’t inject him! Please! Don’t do it! Please! Just talk to him! Just explain to him what’s going on! He’s overwhelmed and he’s alone and he’s scared! Please! Just wait. Just give him a chance to calm himself down!” You pleaded as the nurses who were about to inject him with more medicine left the syringes to try to pull you out of the room before he got a hand free and used the syringe like a weapon and instead injected all the other doctors and nurses just as you were pulled out of the room. And in a flash he overpowered the two nurses trying to take you away and instead grabbed you up and swam with you. You didn’t know who or what kind of micro he was, but he was one hell of a good swimmer before the hospital went on lockdown as he tried to find a way out of it before you recognized the room you had once left and simply pulled him into it before he used one of the scalpels he had taken from the operating room and cut an opening into the corner before he pulled you both into the corner to hide under the sea sponge, specifically in the little space that the sponge laid on as you both crammed yourselves into the space and simply hid as he at least had pushed you in first and kept himself between you and the opening he had made and thankfully the pump had pumped in enough water into the tank that the water rushing into the pocket didn’t show on the level of the water in the room for more than a few seconds.
But the position that you were in, wasn’t a comfortable one but the door was opened and you both froze and didn’t dare breathe as the room was given a once over before the door was shut a few moments later. And once it did, you could hear the click of the room locking before you both blew out a breath of relief before you both finally slumped against each other in the corner.
“So? I take it you got the curse of the three dots?” You whispered.
“Yeah. You could say that.” He hung his head.
“Me too. It sucks- don’t it?” You mused before he huffed a laugh.
“No kidding.” He shook his head.
“I’m Ellie.” You introduced yourself.
“Zach.” He offered before you managed to find each other’s hands in the dark and shook hands before you both couldn’t help but giggle a little.
“How long have you been here?” You asked.
“Pshh. I don’t know.” He shrugged.
“Me either. I have no idea how much time has passed. It feels like I was in my home tank only a week ago or so. But it’s probably been longer. They’ve had me drugged for most of it. So who knows how long it’s really been.” You confided.
“Same.” He murmured.
“So, back there, you were asking them to explain things to me. What’s going on?” He asked after a moment.
“There’s a big celebration that’s coming up. Apparently, there was a huge search for micros- didn’t matter the kind or subspecies. Just- any micro with that damned three spotted pattern. We were all supposed to be unveiled in a huge tank. And smile and waive to the masses of people who would want to take our pictures with the marks, but alongside other micros who are apparently trained professionals at that fishshit.” You revealed.
“Well, that’s going to be a disaster.” He muttered which got you to snicker a laugh before your laughter was infectious.
“Yeah, apparently the professionals are, from my experience, either really nice, or really awful. I have yet to meet anyone in between.” You admitted before you noticed that he was struggling to keep his head up. And still fighting off the drugs they had already managed to inject into him.
“Here, lay down, that stuff is brutal. Sleep. I’ll make sure we stay here and aren’t seen.” You offered to him before you moved so that he could at least lay down over you.
“Here, in case they come back.” He offered as he found your hand with his free one and put the scalpel in your hand before he laid down, with his large, and frankly, very well muscled arms around your waist and used your lap like a pillow and was asleep in no time. So you simply cut little “breathing holes” into the sea sponge which worked so fresh oxygenated water flowed through the little space so you could both breath easy before you stuck the scalpel up into the other sponges so you didn’t have to keep holding it but wouldn’t have to worry about it accidentally cutting you or him before you laid over his back and unbraided your hair so that it would lay over the both of you to help keep you a bit warmer.
Come morning though, you were still more or less tangled up in him but he had his back to the corner itself but held you to his chest as the two of you curled in on eachother while your heads were closer to the large opening to breathe even easier. But you awoke the feeling of him petting down your hair.
“Hey,” you whispered before he moved his face from looking at the opening to looking at you as that little bit of light gave you both enough to at least see each other better.
“Hey.” He mirrored as he looked down and offered a small but grateful smile.
“How much do you remember about home?” He asked.
“A lot. It was huge. I grew up in a huge tank. Hundreds of gallons. But thousands of micros. All of them of different kinds. Then as a kid we went to school, only instead of going for part of the day. We went and then never left to go back home. We had our own dorms we would sleep in. And your classmates became your new friends and family. The girls on one side and the boys on the other. I grew up..very… unspecial. All the prettier girls were marked as “special” and separated and given extra lessons and the longer that happened the more especially bratty they became. They had this whole- superiority complex. Just because they were pretty according to the huge people who keep us, that, that somehow makes them better than everyone else. When we have no control over what we look like. All of that is determined by genetics. At my school, we shared everything, books, school supplies, hair ties being the most common. And then like, a week before the special ones were supposed to be taken away, apparently the people who came who were supposed to come and buy them, came early, and took one look at the special ones and I guess dismissed them at a glance and I had never seen those girls more devastated than that one rejection. Not getting a bad grade, not getting in trouble with your parents, not sneaking out and getting caught. Nope. Just a human shaking their head no was enough to break them.” You began.
“And then my owner, he had all the “mentors” gather all of us up, divide us by kind and then shoved us into a room to “show off” to the buyers. I had gotten the stupid overlapping dots only a week before. And didn’t think anything of it. But the moment those humans looked at the dots, the dots meant something to them. So I was bought. On the spot. I was given a new name. A new pedigree, a new everything. Apparently, in order for micros to travel, they have to get special medicine but it’s supposed to be given over a long period of time. I got mine all at once. And I immediately got sick. But my new owner, who I have yet to even meet or know their name or anything. But armed guards were put into the tank to escort me back to my bunk to get what few possessions I had. And then I got a whole stack of new books and was told to read them and gain their knowledge as quickly as possible. And then it took forever to get…wherever “here” is. But once I got here, I was put into quarantine. But they had me train while I was in quarantine, all alone, I had two neighbors, one on each side of me. A beta on one side who was, well, for betas, I guess average- very pretty but stuck up and aggressive. Then I had a huge discus on the other side of me. Neither of them wanted to be friends with me and then they got out of quarantine way before I did. And I just couldn’t hack it by myself, and then the more I thought about these damned stupid dots on me, the more I hated them and wanted to take them off, so I tried to cut them off, with a pencil. I failed. Because it broke, but I was determined. And that’s when what just happened to you- happened to me.” You explained.
“It wasn’t until a nurse, a guppy micro- came into this room. Only I was at the opposite corner, and she just…talked to me. And explained the significance of the dots and the pattern why I was in the situation I was in and why…I can’t go home now.” You began to cry before he hugged you even harder to let you cry into his chest and somehow, these arms of a stranger was the closest thing to comfort that you had gotten yet.
“Only now, I know that the damned dots, are a recessive pattern. And now, I’m told that my family might be coming here to me. But for breeding purposes, trying to nail down and then reproduce the damn recessive gene that just happened to express itself on me. And I can not begin to tell you how much I really don’t want to do that. Like I miss my family so much. But I really do not want to mate with any of my brothers, or my dad, or uncles or grandfather or…ugh!” You shuddered and made a gagging noise which got Zach to grin crookedly at you.
“So, what about you?” You asked once you got recomposed.
“Something similar. Only. I’m a hybrid. My mom is one kind of micro and my dad is another kind of micro."
“What kind?” You asked.
“Well, my dad is a guppy.” He began before he hesitated.
“Oh, I’m sorry, is your mom a beta?” You asked with a wince.
“Yeah. only, she’s beautiful but she’s not- very “classic” beta, at least according to the other beta’s I know, who are, in all honesty- the classic- very pretty but very vain and very aggressive.” He admitted.
“So when did you get the damned dots?” You asked.
“As a kid. So, like you said, I was one of those “special kids”. But the pressure to be special and spectacular, all the time. Always flashing your fins for whoever would come to the tank is…” He began.
“Exhausting. Because how we wear our fins is usually based on mood or based on movement. So to have them extended but be stationary is unnatural.” You supplied.
“Yes! Exactly. And I just…when I got here. I was thrown into a tank of other betas, all of them bigger than me and more impressive than me but because I had those damned dots. I was still given “special treatment”. And all it did was make everyone else hate and resent me. And I just..I don’t want to be special anymore. I just want…I just want the life my parents had, you know?” He confessed.
“Yes, I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same way. Now granted, looking back, part of me wishes they never saw it or I called out sick that day to class and stayed in my bunk and wasn’t seen and released back into the tank. But then- no matter who I would have ended up being mated to- if any of my kids had these damned dots on them. They would have gone through what I just did. And I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. So, either way. I feel like I lose.” You murmured.
“What about you? What do you remember about home?” You asked him.
“It was just my parents and my siblings in our tank. It was…honestly a paradise. Not so big that it felt empty. But big enough to play in. Big enough for us to all stretch our fins and play tag and race and stuff or have our own small quiet space. But small enough to still be cozy. But when I got these spots. My parent’s owner got a picture of me. And apparently it got so popular that the people here reached out to her and offered her a deal she couldn’t refuse. And so before I could actually go with my siblings into the pairing tank, I was taken out a week early. And the buyer came and told me a bunch of pretty lies to get me to agree to go willingly. And while my old owner had already been giving me medicine on a set schedule, I still ended up getting a new injection that hurt like hell. And I had to live in a black out box for- I don’t know how long. And then when I got here, they put me in with the other betas who were bigger than me and much more aggressive than I could handle and they were just…so mean and then all the girls of course were in the next tank over and the moment they heard I was a hybrid, they wanted nothing to do with me. Even one who had the same exact pattern as me, who was apparently bought just to be my mate. She claimed she’d rather jump out of the tank and air drown than be with me. And when the other guys began to threaten to skin me that’s when I had to be taken out. And then I was put by myself again, and I just…I couldn’t take it.” He admitted.
“Solitary confinement sucks. I’m sorry they were mean to you.” You consoled him with a bittersweet smile.
“It’s the worst.” He readily agreed with a smile to fight back the tears that were coming to his eyes.
“Thank you for rescuing me.” He offered.
“You’re welcome. It was when you yelled ‘just take the damn pattern off, I don’t want it’. I knew I had to come. Because thats what I screamed right before they gagged me and injected me with enough of that medicine it put me out and when I woke up- someone was on me, pushing my chest. Like my heart had stopped. And I’m pretty sure they did end up over dosing me to the point my heart stopped. But for what this place paid for me, they apparently couldn’t afford to lose me. So then they gave me another injection and I felt like I had the energy of a toddler just learning they can jet swim and jet all over the tank. And I was so angry they revived me. They put me in this…dress. It wrapped my arms around my waist but tied up in the back so I couldn’t get out of it on my own. And tied it so tight I could barely breathe, let alone move and definitely couldn’t swim. Then I was put into this room. And I had to crawl to the opposite corner on my belly to simply use the sloap of the corner like a pillow. And when I woke up again. I was in a different dress. It restrained my hands so I could only bring them up to my mouth if I bent over half way to eat from my own hands. But otherwise had a collar around my neck to keep me from strangling myself and they tied my hair up so I couldn’t use that to strangle myself with either. And it protected my body from trying to claw these damned dots off of me any more than I already had. There’s a little box they tried to feed me a baby bit with. Small enough that I wouldn’t and couldn’t choke on it. But I had too much medicine in my body and was too depressed to eat. And then a nurse came in and explained everything to me. What had really happened behind the scenes and why it happened and predicted what was going to happen next. But that if I promised not to hurt myself or others again, I could get out of that damned outfit. And get my hair back. Which I did. And that’s when they let into the other side of the hospital with the other patients, the ones who hurt themselves on accident instead of on purpose. And I was never asked about how I got hurt and so all the others assumed I got hurt how they got hurt. Which was something about- 'being a newbie' ? And 'over-zealous in tryouts'?” You recalled.
“And while I didn’t confirm it, I didn’t deny it either. And at least the food in the cafeteria was… decent. Extra nutritious to help injuries heal faster.” You allowed.
“So it tasted like snail slime?” He guessed with a grin and an eyebrow raised before you both snickered a laugh.
“Oh my goodness! Yes!” You confirmed in a hushed murmur.
“Give me baby bits over that crap any day.” You allowed. But at the mention of food, both of your bellies began to growl.
“Do you still think they’re looking for us?” He asked.
“Probably. Who knows what they’ll do when they find us though.” You sighed.
“You’re my first real friend I’ve found here. I’d hate to lose you so quick.” You offered.
“Likewise.” He offered.
“Here, let’s see if we can try to sneak out of here and get back to the other side of the hospital. Maybe they have something like what you have that I can put on and we can try to blend in with everyone else.” He offered.
“Well, let’s make sure the sensors and things in this room aren’t still on.” You offered first before you grabbed the scalpel from it’s hiding place and cut out a hunk of it and handed it to him to throw out of where you were hiding. And nothing happened.
Then he opened the opening a little more for him to look around before you wedged yourself between him and sea sponge to look around the top edges to see that the motion sensors weren’t even on.
“Ok, I think we’re ok. There’s usually a blinking light at the top of the tank over there. It’s not blinking. And the lights are off. I think we’re safe.” You whispered before you slowly emerged and waited to see if you would be seen or noticed by anyone or anything. And to your relief, you weren’t. So you swam to the door and peeked out to see if anyone was in the halls and then looked further into the window to make sure no one was there before you looked through the “mirror” in the back of the tank and no one was in the little room meant to serve as an observation room.
“Zach, you’re ok, You can come out now.” You told him as you could see he had that scalpel firmly in his fist before he came out of there and you could see how he was all gold. Except for the black three dots on his body and fins in the same ‘mouse ear’ pattern. But you quickly looked away to swim to the top where the sea sponge ended and the water stopped as you used your hold on the sponge on the wall to pull yourself up out of the water to peek over the “wall” of the room and down into the hallway before you saw others swimming up and down the corridor. And recognized your nurse! She would surely help.
“Zach, hide again. I need you to hide again!” You told him before he dove into that crevice but tried to take you with him.
“Wait, just wait. There’s a nurse. Let me talk to her, and see how we can get us out and back to the other side? Ok? Just a theoretical, ok?” You offered.
“But what if…?” He began to ask.
“Then take me as your hostage if push comes to shove ok?” You offered before you kissed his cheek sweetly then got to the door and waited for her to come walking by before you knocked on the window.
“Oh my gills! Ellie?! Oh you poor dear! How’d you get stuck in there?” She said as she quickly unlocked the door before you hugged her while you subtly brought her inside and pulled the door shut as you did so to give the two of you some privacy.
“Oh I was so worried about you! I heard you got kidnapped by that hybrid!” She said.
“No, that’s not what happened. We split up but because I knew this room, I saw it and dove for this room and then it locked on me.” You explained.
“Oh ok. Well, that’s a good thing you did. Last I heard he was armed and dangerous. So he didn’t hurt you?” she asked worriedly.
“No. Not at all. Far from. I just…I heard him say the same thing I said when I was first…injured. And I, just followed his voice because I didn’t want what happened to me to happen to him too. Especially if he was like me and didn’t know which end was up.” You explained.
“Oh you sweet thing. No hun. You and him are nothing alike. He’s known exactly what was going on from the start. He just…he was having a really rough go of it too.” She tried to waive off.
“So let’s get you out of here and back to the other side. You’re probably starving.” She said.
“But what about Zach?” You asked as you tried to gently resist her trying to get you out of the room.
“What if I can find him and make him promise the same things you made me promise you? About not hurting himself or others?” You asked before she gave you a curious look.
“Well, for one, I’m just a nurse. How his profile is set up in the system. I don’t have the clearance or authority to change it to what you have.” She offered.
“Who would?” You asked.
“A doctor. And all the doctors who know about him will want to make sure he goes through de-threatening training.” She asked.
“Well, what if we went through it together? If he’s gone through a fraction of what I did. I’m sure he’d be ok. He just shouldn’t be left alone for more than he already has. He looked and felt…guppy to me. What if he may look more of what he is on the outside but mentally, he’s just a guppy like me?” You asked before she narrowed her eyes a smidge.
‘I’m going to say one thing and sign another, could you keep up?’
“Well that depends.” You returned.
‘Yes.’ You signed ack.
“How long did you get a chance to stay with him? Just long enough to run and hide and get his name or a little longer that that?” She asked.
‘Is he in here with you?’ She signed.
“Long enough for both of us to tell each other our sob stories and connect guppy to guppy.” You answered as you signed- ‘yes’.
“So would you trust him to not harm you?” She asked.
‘Does he still have a weapon?’ She signed.
“Yes I trust him to not harm me or others. But I think he’s like me. He was pushed past his breaking point just like I was- and just doing all he could to survive when he couldn’t self destruct.” You answered.
‘Yes but only in self defense.’ You signed as you said that.
“I see, Well, let me keep you in here for now, just to be safe. Let me get the feeding tube to at least feed you, while we look for him and when we find him, I’ll come and get you and you and me and a doctor together can talk to him and see what we can do.” She offered.
‘Please go get these clothes for him so he can come with me to the other side of the hospital. Please, I know he’ll be good if we stay together. Please don’t separate us. Please.’ You signed pleadingly.
“I’ll see what I can do.” She offered before she left and locked the room back up. But turned the room so that you’d at least get light and food in there before the feeder dropped in a pile of baby bits that you hurriedly used your tail to push over towards the corner so that he could start to collect them in the corner and eat himself as you grabbed four of them, two in each hand while you pushed the rest over to him.
“The motion sensors and I think the cameras are back on. So you’re gonna have to stay in there ok?” You murmured quietly as you put your body next to the slit to cover the view of the baby bits being pulled into the pocket he had made for himself.
“Do you think she bought it?” He asked.
“I hope so.” You offered.
A few moments later the nurse came back with a few sets of the special outfit you were wearing, but bigger to fit him.
“Ok, it’s a good thing I like you as much as I do. If you’re going to take this leap of faith for this guy. I’ll at least try to help keep you safe while you do so.” She offered.
‘I’ll trade this for his weapon.’ She offered.
“Thank you. I really appreciate it.” You offered.
“Well, for now, let me give you these, just in case you find him before I do.” She offered as she set the outfits in your arms.
“Now let me go back and get my pad and my scanner so that when we find him together. We can change the settings in the system ok? And change him from dangerous to nice, just like you.” She offered.
“Ok.” You nodded before she left again.
“Ok, I made a deal, if you give me the scalpel, and get changed into whichever of these will fit, and then when she comes back, we will trade it for you to get changed in the system when she scans your chip in your tail ok?” You offered.
“How’d you manage that?” He asked.
‘Through sign language.’ You signed to him with an apologetic look.
‘Ok. Smart.’ He signed back before he finally emerged and began to try on the various ones and only fit into the largest one she had brought.
“How did the two of us fit into that corner?” You gently teased as you helped him put it on the way yours was put on.
“Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” He managed to say before he seemed to stretch out and then reached back into the space and grab the scalpel and handed it to you just in time for her to come back.
“Well look at that, you two must have hidden in opposite corners.” She smiled smugly before you handed her the scalpel back before she wrapped it in a special cloth and put it into the pocket of her own smock.
“Ok, so let’s scan you, and make sure everything is squared away.” She began before she scanned you and then used a code she was given to change you over from “hostage” to “lost” and then from “lost” to “found” and then “returning patient to dorm”.
“Ok, now, you sir. Can you promise, and swear to me- on your mother’s life- that you will never harm this sweetheart next to you or any other, especially yourself from now on?” She insisted as she rose to look him firmly into the eyes.
“Yes.” He nodded.
“Good. See, if people just knew how to treat guppy mircos right, we wouldn’t get into messes like this.” She tsked before she swam down and scanned the chip in his tail and immediately shut off the alert and began using codes she had written down on her arms to change things in the system as much and as quickly as she could before the system accepted the new settings and stopped giving off an alarm.
“Ok, back to the other side. Just play along with me as I escort you back ok?” She urged before she looked out into the hallway and made sure the coast was clear.
So you took Zach’s hand and left the room with him.
“Come on you two, the psyche ward is no place to play hide and seek.” She “scolded” you as she escorted the two of you back to your room before she put Zach in the room across the hallway. Because your roommate was still in yours.
“Hey, I’m Blaze.” Blaze introduced himself when Zach came in and got assigned to the other bed.
“What’cha in for?” Blaze asked.
“Same as me.” You piped up as you hovered in the hallway to make sure that Zach would settle in ok.
“Oh, another over eager newbie?” Blaze supplied.
“Something like that.” Zach nodded before someone else came and finally delivered his things from the tank Zach was in before.
“Woah, that’s cool.” Blaze noted as he looked at the things that Zach was choosing to unpack from his bag.
“Thanks.” Zach said as he put the beautiful blanket on his bed that still had the names of all of his clutchmates and his parents woven right into it so he would never forget where he came from.
“Ellie!” Missy said once she saw you and nearly tackled you in the hall as she hugged you.
“Oh my goodness are you ok? I heard you got kidnapped! And then held as a hostage! Are you ok?” She loudly crooned.
“No! No. No, I didn’t get kidnapped or held as a hostage or anything like that.” You were quick to reassure her and all those that seemed to come around when they heard it.
“You see, I saw my friend Zach and I was so happy to see a familiar face we immediately started playing a game we always played as kids. And we both ended up getting lost and we unfortunately both chose too good of a hiding spot that we got locked into it. So we weren’t around for…any of that.” You tried to dismiss as you gestured to Zach who simply nodded along with that story.
“Oh well then you missed out on quite the story! Apparently a super fancy beta hybrid went on the rampage and took out a whole team of doctors and nurses and then took on a hostage. I just heard that he was found with his hostage. And the poor hostage must have gotten stockholm syndrome because now they can’t even be separated but are in solitary together. That poor girl. But I’m so happy that wasn’t you! So, come on, finish unpacking, you’re probably starved from being locked up during all of that.” Missy urged you as she pulled you back to the room across the hall where you finished putting away the few scant items you had before she shut the door to help you get changed into another smock that would fit you as you had bloomed and blossomed overnight again as what you were wearing was super tight and squishing your bosom all across your chest as Blaze was more interested in watching you do so before the door was shut and he looked back to Zach to see how he was settling in.
“So speaking of beta, obviously, you’re a beta too, what kind are you?” Blaze asked once you and your roommate went to the mess hall to eat.
“Gold chameleon.” Zach answered.
“Ah, makes sense.” Blaze nodded.
“How much stuff did you bring from home?” Blaze asked as he looked back to see Zach pull more and more things out of his bag.
“Too much apparently.” Zach said as he realized he still had too much to fit into the space before he packed up his non-essential items and put them in the cupboards and the most precious things under the bed.
Then the door opened to reveal you in more appropriately fitting smocks as it was pretty obvious you were maturing more and more by the moment.
“Well damn.” Blaze muttered under his breath as Zach snapped his head over to see you as his eyes as well as Blaze’s seemed to go up and down your body as Missy was hauling you down the hallway.
“So you both were taken in from the same home tank huh? Were all her sisters as blessed as her?” Blaze asked.
“Yup.” Zach nodded.
“All of them as nice as her too?” Blaze prodded.
“Yup.” Zach nodded.
“Cool.” Blaze nodded just as Zach finished before Blaze showed him around the place to see you already in a school of other guppy micros. All of you crowding around the table and practically eating off each other’s plates and all of you talking to each other while also talking over each other as he could appreciate how you seemed to both blend in with the others but because, with the smock, you were actually pretty ordinary, and if anything, a bit drab compared to the others. But that only made you stand out even more and he could only smile fondly as he went through the line and got what he could from the food options.
“How come you’re getting guppy flakes?” Blaze asked as he looked Zach curiously.
“Oh, it was a big tank with lots of kinds. We all got to try everyone else’s food. And I just…got a taste for them.” Zach lied, going along with your back story that you had told him.
“Are they any good?” Blaze asked before Zach broke one of the flakes off and handed it to him.
“Eh, they’re ok I guess. But if it’s a taste of home I could see why you’d want them.” Blaze shrugged off before Zach simply followed Blaze with the other males he hung out and introduced him to the other larger males as Zach was relieved there weren’t any other males he recognized that could “blow his cover” so to speak.
“So? How was being locked in with goldilocks over there?” The other girls asked once they lowkey watched Zach cross the cafeteria, his beautiful gold fins catching every bit of light and practically glittering and glowing gold. While his hair was braided gorgeously, the long Silky gold strands plaited beautifully
“It was fine. It was minnows in a hole kind of hide and seek and we were the only two minnows in a hole I’m surprised he fit into apparently. But where there’s a way right?” You tried to say as you tried to keep your blush down.
“So he’s the cute boy next door for you huh?” One of the girls teased.
“You could say that.” You had to admit as your cheeks grew more flushed.
“Ooh. Too bad he’s a beta though. So pretty, but I’ve heard they’re really territorial and possessive.” Sissy offered.
“Well, that’s the thing, he’s a beta hybrid. His mom is beta, but his dad is guppy and he may look very beta but he acts pretty guppy, at least to me.” You volunteered.
“He’s a hybrid? Well damn. Ok, you know what, yeah, I see it. Most of his features are beta, but if he has the mind and personality of a guppy, that’s practically the best of both worlds.” The girls giggled.
“Yeah.” You nodded as your own sense of possessiveness started to come to life.
After that, you and Zach as well as the other “newbies” were called to the learning annex to continue with the training you and all the other injured “newbies” had to do. But you were thankful and grateful to have Zach right next to you. Although his “training courses” were very different than yours. And suddenly you felt sick and the sinking feeling of dread that you wouldn’t be able to stay together for very long.
“Everything ok over there?” Zach murmured as he went through his courses.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” You tried to deflect.
“I can feel your anxiousness from here. Are you having trouble with the lessons?” He asked.
“No. The lessons are fine. It’s just…a lot of repetition.” You answered before his tail fin ever so gently moved over so that a tip of his fins laid over yours and suddenly, that one touch seemed to calm you as you subconsciously blew out a breath of relief before Zach simply reached over and put his hand into yours as it laid in your lap as you laced your fingers with his and held on tight.
“So what’s really wrong?” Zach asked.
“Your training is different than mine. We’re not going to the same place.” You confessed.
“Not necessarily. All of this is just anger management and emotion regulation. Because I’ve already gone through what you’re going through now. This is all just- how to play nice with others. For you, it’s instinctual. For me, it’s something I get to learn to deal with.” He answered.
“But you were fine today with the others. Or were you anxious and just hiding it well?” You asked.
“Well, it’s all an adjustment right now. I’m still adjusting.” He admitted.
“Me too.” You confessed.
“Likewise.” You offered as you were much happier and more content to do the work, simply holding Zach’s hand with one and and use the other to touch the screen on the interface as instead of frustration and boredom, you felt happy and content to take in the lessons as Zach was happy to do the same as you both seemed to finish the work at the same time.
“I thought I was going to go crazy all alone. And then in here, it’s been overwhelming after being on my own for so long, I like having friends, but it’s like I’m an imposter among these guys. And like I don’t belong among them. They’re all so bold and flashy and colorful and grew up in really rich tanks and always had the best of everything and I’m just just a drab guppy from a micro mill with this stupid pattern. And I either stand out for it but not in a good way, like, the micros who do actually notice me, frown to see how drab I am then patronize me for somehow getting the right connections to be allowed in here and not on my own merits. Or I blend in with the furniture and nothing in between.” You admitted as he gave you a reassuring squeeze of your hand.
“Well, then that makes two of us. We’re both imposters in this place. But don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.” Zach offered which got you to huff a laugh through your nose but smile appreciatively.
And after, you got to bring Zach into the friend circle you had made as they finished with their physical therapy for the day. And while Zach was the largest micro in the group. He seemed much more comfortable and at ease among them as opposed to the others he had been with at lunch and he never left your side. Which always made you feel more happy and comfortable. That you could keep this “act” that you belonged up- since you knew he was doing the same. And together you were able to build more of a “backstory” that had touches and flourishes from both of your childhoods involved as you were able to excuse the fact that you went to boarding school and didn’t get to see him much and the two of you were simply “catching up”.
#Monster March 2023#Monster March#Monster March 2023 Day 19 - Mermaid#Monster March 2023 Day 19 Part 4#Tw psyche ward#tw suicide attempt#tw self harm#tw suicide#tw depression#tw intervention#tw metal illness#tw mental breakdown#tw nervous breakdown
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not that people who've been to the ward are immune from being pro-psych, but if you've never been to a psych ward*, i sincerely don't want to hear about how psychiatry/psychology is good because you've had such a good experience with X provider, or X medication saved your life. *i also don't want to hear about how the forced treatment was what you needed or how the ward you went to let you have your cellphone etc. etc. i genuinely do not want to hear it.
like. the first hospitalization traumatized me so bad, i became dangerously delusional, was re-hospitalized, and sent to state. when they transferred me, i was strapped down into a gurney at all points on my body, *head and neck included*, and loaded onto an ambulance. my parents lost most of their parental rights; i was a ward of the state and had near zero rights. when i got there, they made me choose if, "if necessary," if i wanted to be wrangled down and forcibly injected with a sedative... or wrangled down and locked in a padded room all by myself (but at least i had a choice, right?). i signed consents and paperwork that i did not fucking understand. then i was told i'd be locked inside for 2 straight weeks (which yes, they followed through with). the psych ward was remote, nothing but barbed fences and trees around us. cant even see the sun through the heavily tinted windows. that was the *start* of the stay. i'm sure you can imagine nothing good came after.
so like. if you walk out of a place like that thinking it was good for you, then i can only imagine how traumatized you are and i hope you heal someday. but if you've never faced the destruction of your autonomy like that and go around being like "oh this is good actually" then shut the ever living fuck up.
#julian rants#this is okay to rb but im mainly venting#psych ward#psych survivor#psych ward tw#abuse tw#sanism#ableism#antipsychiatry#antipsychology#antipsych#psychiatric abuse#psychiatric trauma#trauma#psych abolition#psych hospital#psychiatric hospital#inpatient
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what the mayor of new york is doing with psych hospitalization is not a new application of the way psych wards are used--psych survivors know this and we've been talking about it for decades the way that involuntary hospitalization is used as a form of social control, and the power and danger that a mental illness diagnosis holds. what is frightening about the way the mayor is talking about this is the way he is giving this quiet rhetoric legitimacy and a voice. psych professionals have been using involuntary hospitalization as a form of incarceration for a long fucking time, and as psych survivors know, you can get hospitalized involuntarily for Many things beyond just "being a danger to yourself or others." what's making me nervous right now is that this likely will lead to more interactions between police and homeless people where police feel emboldened to enforce even more options of incarceration. I think it is important to understand that New York is not the only place doing this and in fact this is the way involuntary hospitalization generally operates. New york is not an aberration: the whole system is intended to work like this and is completely fucked, which is why we need to be fighting for psych abolition and building in mad liberation to our understanding of prison abolition.
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Sometimes i wonder what the people at the psychiatric hospital did with the cords from my pants. i wonder what they do with all the tings they take from us. do they just get thrown away like they are nothing? i cried over losing the cords from my favorite frog pajamas i wonder if the nurses knew i would cry about that.
#they probably dont think about it#antipsychiatry#antipsych#anti psych#anti psychiatry#antipsychology#psych survivor#psych abolition#psych critical#psychiatric victim#psych hospital#psychiatric hospital#psych ward#mental heal hospital#tw psychiatric hospital
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Hi, Viewer Discretion:
This AU is about a nonexistent fictional mental health condition. There is imagery of straitjackets and other restraints, as well as mention of discrimination based off of health conditions. If you are uncomfortable with this content then please feel free to click off and enjoy something else. Thank you.
Dressing Sketch
Uniform Sketches
League Party sketch
Sketch dump for Battle Addict! This art has been gathering dust for a few months 😭 only just remembered to post it here.
These sketches are from Ver. 3 of Battle Addict, aka Battle Addict Twins, where both of them get the HCCM diagnosis.
The base idea for Battle Addict is that while most people enjoy Pokémon battling, there comes a certain point where one's love/obsession for battle starts bleeding into the rest of their life and becoming detrimental to their everyday life. This is usually called Combative Mania (CM), which is present in a large part of the population (40%-60%) hence why battling is so popular and so many different forms of it are made to keep people satisfied. The extreme form is Hyper-Competitive Combative Mania (HCCM), wherein a person spends so much time and energy for battles that it starts to affect their physical/mental health as well as their social life, since they neglect them in favour of their obsession.
Often what divides CM patients from HCCM patients is what they're willing to give up for battling and the extent of their knowledge regarding battles. CM patients usually only have a casual interest in battling or just enjoy the thrill of battling, but operate normally and have other interests outside of battle. They have basic to intermediate knowledge of battling, and can often partake in research or battles.
HCCM patients will often forgo food, water, sleep, school, work, and relationships in favour of researching and competing in battles. It is the only thing they find interest in and they devote most of their time towards it. Patients often memorize entire charts of statistics and different strategies and counterstrategies for battle, with different patients often having a certain subject they specialize in. Most patients with HCCM are unaware that they have it, they either assume that they have CM or that they are completely normal and just enjoy Pokémon battles. They often go into fields that work directly with researching Pokémon or battles, such as professors, scientists, gym leaders, elite four members, league workers, battle facility operators, and so on.
Ingo and Emmet do not know they have HCCM. They engage with battle and researching battle in a way that they think is typical for a hobbyist. Ingo tends to read on academic papers, textbooks, and study guides regarding the statistics and capabilities of Pokémon, whereas Emmet takes a more hands-on approach in studying Pokémon anatomy and battle strategy. Ingo often charts and studies natures, EVs, IVs, stat spreads, abilities, moves, and their properties. Emmet sketches anatomical diagrams and studies of Pokémon, including skeletal structure, musculature, organ systems, and physical appearance, highlighting pressure points in the body for executing the most damage and for keeping his own Pokémon protected. He also tends to read into psychological studies as well as conducting his own long term tests to predict a person's strategy in different situations. The two feed into each other's interests, teaching the other of their own discoveries and celebrating breakthroughs together. As a result, their total knowledge of battling is immense, which led to them becoming Subway Bosses straight out of college.
The two lived and worked fairly normally; they were very passionate about their work and it provided a way to sate their need for fighting on a regular basis, as well as giving them the space to experiment with different fighting styles and analyze others' strategies. Of course they still continue their studying outside of work, which often leads to them trying different methods or revisiting recorded battles to see how they could improve. The twins still believe their hours long discussions, piles of notes, and stacks of study materials littered around their house are perfectly fine, only stopping to reconsider after a comment from a coworker highlights how they must be crazy or incredibly disciplined to have as huge of a win : loss ratio as they do.
They end up taking the issue to a psychiatrist after dwelling on the idea for a few days, which is where they get diagnosed after a few tests and a description of their lifestyle and interests. Their case is considered moderate but could easily escalate into severe if left unchecked, though the main concern is whether this would make them a threat to other people due to their work and prominence. Obviously they don't want to lose their jobs, but this kind of thing could get them removed from the League Council if it got out, so they have to consider whether they share this information with their employers or not. Ingo thinks it'd be best to keep it under wraps, but Emmet fears that this could be used as blackmail and argues that they need to release this information themselves before someone else ruins their lives with it. Eventually they do take the diagnosis to the League Council and it gets out to the public.
Emmet takes the fall for Ingo, claiming his case is severe whereas Ingo's is mild so that the League Council will be more distracted with him to bother Ingo. That ends up with Emmet getting a new restraining uniform because the League no longer trusts him to handle himself in public based off his diagnosis. Neither of them are particularly pleased about this, but Emmet tells Ingo to look on the bright side. Emmet actually starts to find the jacket to be more of a little challenge than a hindrance, as it adds an extra level of difficulty to battles that he's been looking for, but Ingo still thinks it would be better if he hadn't had to wear it at all. This unfortunately extends to League parties where he has to be restrained to even be allowed entry, which he is much less happy about.
This post is getting ungodly long as it is but there's also a branch off of this concept where Ingo and Emmet land in Hisui together and Emmet's uniform looks like this. He deconstructed the uniform he was given to modify his jacket since by that point he had a bit of a sentimental connection to it and didn't want to just swap it out.
(Bonus fun fact: Ingo and Emmet decided to pull the biggest gag on the Pearl Clan when they first land by pretending to be one person under the alias Eki. Ingo is the polite one in the dark coat by day, and Emmet is the energetic one in the white coat by night. "Day Eki" is more popular with other Wardens and older clan members, whereas "Night Eki" is more popular with the village children and insomniacs.
The whole Warden Eki concept is technically its own AU in the background but it did originate from Battle Addict. Also I already drew Emmet in the Pearl Strait I can't take that back)
Anyways uhhh there's more let me see if I can condense it:
The twins went to a University specifically focused on battle (Champion's University), where they ended up studying subjects in their specific interests. Emmet took psychology of battle and Pokémon anatomy to learn about the weak points in trainers and Pokémon, and Ingo took general statistics and study of moves which are exactly what they sound like
The twins use the Vs Recorder all the time, both to track their own progress and to observe how passengers fight. It's often stuck to the glass windows to catch the Pokémon in the middle of the car, though they have considered buying Rotom Drones expressly for this purpose
Emmet actually has a stack of different studies on weak points in the human body but he doesn't share that with anyone, not even Ingo
Emmet's study of trainer psych has led to him often predicting tactics before they happen and dodging/countering them with his Pokémon. He often challenges himself to predict a person's team, moveset, and strategy based on appearance, gait, and body language, sharing his guesses with Ingo in case he makes any useful observations
Ingo and Emmet are possibly the first instance of causing "learned HCCM" in their Pokémon because after the training that they do together, the Pokémon have developed their own independent bloodlust and have started memorizing the move strategies that the twins have them use
Sometimes to celebrate fully completing a study on a particular set of Pokémon, the twins will eat one. This is mostly as a treat and an inside joke, but they will research what's in season/allowed and go hunt for one. Ingo is usually the one to catch it, and Emmet is the one to cook it. There's some really goofy shitposts about them going after pseudo-legendaries overseas, or Palkia's leg in Hisui
The twins can perform full medical care on any Pokémon and can often grind for hours nonstop since they can heal their teams themselves. They also save a lot on healing items this way
After releasing their diagnosis, the perception of the twins have gone in wildly different directions. Some people treat them as subhuman or as monsters, some people don't care, some people call them psycho yandere boys on twitter. Emmet tends to get more of the negative connotations, Ingo tends to get the more "positive" ones. Emmet also tends to get a lot of stares due to his restraint and status as a crazed fighter, which he pretends doesn't get to him
I think that's everything, I'm going to go collapse. Hope you guys enjoy 👍
#tw straitjacket#straitjacket#tw mental health#tw mental illness#submas#submas au#au#ingo#subway master ingo#ingo pokemon#nobori#emmet#subway master emmet#emmet pokemon#kudari#Version 1 is Emmet being absolutely deranged and Ingo getting him locked in the psych ward out of fear for his reputation and#Version 2 is Ingo being crazy and throwing Emmet under the bus when he almost gets discovered#for those who were wondering. Version 3 is best because they get to be obsessed and they drag each other further in together ♥#honestly this probably outranks Severed for my riskiest AU so I wonder how this is gonna turn out#hope this won't be the end of my career#anyways fun fact: this song is inspired by an old submas song!#Maniac Man led to me making the first version‚ then eventually I kept sketching until we got here#oh I just remembered‚ there's one scene from this AU that I think would be really funny to draw#The subway gets an overcrowding warning one day because they're holding a special event and passengers keep coming in while the twins are o#they were STARVED for battles that day though‚ so they call a Code Indigo and essentially turn the Multi lines into a 2 on 6 to get through#more passengers faster. They were absolutely exhausted by the end but damn if they didn't have fun messing around with the passengers
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I've seen other people doing this, so I might as well. TW for suicidal thoughts and mental illness.
You can only tag up to 6 people.
If this gets to 500 notes, I'll start exercising and eating healthier again
If this gets 1000 notes, I'll try to fix what is likely a social media addiction
If this gets to 1500 notes, I'll fix my sleep schedule
If this gets 2000 notes, I'll tell someone about my OCD and depression symptoms
If this gets to 2500 notes, I will actually seek help for my suicidal thoughts
And if this gets 3000 notes, I will ask to be voluntarily admitted to a psych ward- yes, I know that people don't agree with this kind of thing, but honestly I need it. I don't want to be thought of as crazy for the rest of my life, but my mental health has gotten so bad that I barely get out of bed.
#rb bait#if this gets x notes#tw suicide#tw depression#tw ocd#tw mental illness#tw psych ward#tw addiction#so if I don't do it str#ooc#out of character.
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If I had a nickel every time I got genuinely traumatized by my dreams, I could buy a yacht
Like holy shit I thought it couldn’t get worse and then? It fuckin did????
#it knows our traumas better than I do and sure makes the most of it 💀#khaotic#yea last night was. not good#I once went to the psych ward bc of my dreams lmao#dreams#tw nightmares
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i understand that being inactive can worsen mental health but the way a lot of mental health ‘recovery’ discourages rest makes me so fucking angry. like. age 12 i used to get dismissed from the er because they couldn’t find me a bed to admit me and then like. go back to school. not like the next day, i mean i used to be driven straight from the hospital back to classes and be in history class an hour after nearly being admitted because the doctors told my parents that the last thing i should be doing is missing school. In highschool, at the theraputic program i was at, missing any school at all, even for sick days and medical reasons could make you lose all the points you earned towards like. stupid glitter stickers and all that shit that made us forget why we were there. And as a fucking adult in college now i never miss anything ever, the thought of missing class sends me into a panic attack. When i’m sick and can’t go, i call my parents sobbing because i feel terrible about it and i can’t help but feel that maybe theres a corralation there. That the discouragment of time off may not be a genuine effort to improve my mental health and maybe just another sneaky ploy to stamp out my mental illness to make me a better worker, yknow.
#god its all a fucking joke#i hate mental illness but i hate mental health recovery systems just as much#im not saying it didnt make my life a little better and i still see a therapist and will probably forever#but like. it did fuck me up and im frustrated about it#mental illness tw#psych ward tw#ask to tag?#vent
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Can anyone please stop encouraging taking away the autonomy and safety of suicidal and other mentally ill people for FIVE MINUTES. DO NOT report vent posts or call the social services or cops on someone venting to you. If you can't handle it, block the tags, don't interact with that person, or if it's a personal thing try pointing them to someone that does want to support them. DO NOT forcefully institutionalize your "friends" out of "concern." After traumatizing them and contributing to getting their rights stripped of them, their blood will be on YOUR hands. Is this guilt trippy? I don't care. Don't be a narc. Watch out for your friends, filter out things you know you personally aren't equipped to deal with, arm yourself against this pervasive idea that institutions are here to "help." And don't fucking white knight for struggling people without being asked. No one likes that, the victim least of all. You are not some hero. You do not "know best and better than them." If you are pro-non consensual "treatment" and siccing dangerous systems onto already vulnerable people, especially if you've done something like that before, get off my blog and I hope the door hits you on the way out.
I am not joking. The moment you decide to stick your nose into someone's life and fuck shit up by bringing in all that horribly dehumanizing dangerous shit is the moment you have that person's blood on your hands. Even if the experience doesn't kill them-- any trauma they sustain because of what you did is in fact your fault. Any friends or opportunities they lose that makes their life worse is your fault. If they become homeless because you got them institutionalized? Your fault. And I hope that guilt makes it hard to sleep for you forever. I hope that whenever you have the audacity to eat your nice safe home cooked food you remember the kind of food that they could barely keep down because of you. I hope when you settle into your soft, blanketed bed-- you remember how they couldn't have even that because of you. I hope when you go out with your friends to a nice mall or park or bar you remember how you stole that freedom from them. All for the crime of being in pain and vulnerable. I hope that on your deathbed all you can think about is the people who you made sure could not be afforded such a peaceful death surrounded by loved ones because you just HAD TO make YOURSELF feel better and be the white knight no one asked for, never once stopping to actually think what that could do to someone. Fuck people with saviour complexes who ruin lives over their petty feelings. And I am so sorry to anyone who has been betrayed and so thoroughly fucked in this way. It is NOT fair, it is NOT okay, and you didn't deserve that. You deserve the softness, safety, and comfort that is afforded to everyone else. And I am sorry that others believe any different.
#anti psych#tw psych ward#tw institutionalisation#white knighting#savior complex#madlib#human rights#psychiatric abuse#tw sui ment#involuntary institutionalization#autonomy#madpunk#pro freedom#freedom for all#none of us are free until all of us are free#advocate for mentally ill people
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Been thinking about this lately but after my suicide attempt what I needed wasn't to be locked away and have my bodily anatomy taken from me for over a week but a hug, actually
#suicide mention#tw: suicide mention#tw suicide mention#anti-psych#anti psych#anti psychiatry#mental hospital#psych ward
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and here is the thing. all psych wards are bad. every single one. I don’t think there is such a thing as a good psych ward—I’m willing to believe that there are some good people who work in psych wards, who have good intentions, and who might end up helping some people. but the psych ward as a whole? There are no good psych wards. The structure of a psych ward inherently prevents it from being good. Even if you personally think you had a good experience in a psych ward, most likely what that means is that the abusive practices weren’t used on you. But those things are still there. even if you weren’t put into solitary confinement, it is extremely likely that your psych ward still had a room for that. even if you weren’t drugged without your consent, it is very likely other people were being drugged without consent!! even if you weren’t strip searched, or tied to your bed, or starved…it is VERY likely that your psych ward has protocols for all these things and regularly does them to many people who come through the ward! And it is vital to think about how your race, class, and other identities affected your experience before making broad claims about things “never happening” in psych wards.
Psych wards are inherently violent, oppressive, and unethical based solely on the fact that they are a form of incarceration, but even beyond that? If a psych ward is committed to enforcing compliance and incarceration, it is going to have some of those abusive measures that I listed above, and that is going to be standard protocol. Even if there are good people working in a psych ward, their reach is going to be limited—the power of the institution means that they constantly have to weigh the decision to break the rules and help someone, or to follow violent protocols. Most clinicians and staff will choose not to lose their job and even if they find it personally distasteful, will still choose to enable these types of violence. Good people on the inside are not able to fundamentally change the reality of what psych wards are and what they can do.
I strongly believe that people who say they have good experiences are the outlier and also are likely to be white and rich. Even if people don’t think that their experience was abusive, a lot of people generally find it boring, unhelpful, and mediocre. And so, so many people are experiencing abuse in a daily fucking basis in these places. Even if there are individuals who manage to escape the worst of a psych ward, the fact that the psych ward has the power, structure, and protocol to do these things to anyone is a problem.
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you've heard of death before detransition, now get ready for death before institutionalization. trans and mad rights, til the bitter end!
#softspoonie#julian rants#antipsychiatry#antipsych#mad pride#madlib#madpunk#trans rights#disabled rights#death tw#mentally ill#mental illness#serious mental illness#severe mental illness#transgender#human rights#psych ward
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I might be biased because I am currently suicidal because of a depressive delusion and because I've harmed other people and myself because of delusions and because I've been in the fucking hospital because of delusions but the way everyone is turning the idea of being delusional into the memejoke of the month is disgusting and I'm not laughing
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bpd culture is being framed for threatening suicide when you're at such a low point/in the middle of a breakdown and all you can scream is how much you don't want to live anymore meanwhile you're threatened to be locked away against your consent, having your (bodily) autonomy stripped away, getting your remaining sense of safety and comfort ripped away, getting most of your belongings taken away, not being able to piss/shower without people needing to watch you, being in an environment with other severly unstable people that can (and will) trigger you, having no distractions, being left alone with nothing but your thoughts, being with staff that are nothing but shit and refuse to actually help you, being thrown in the rubber cell when acting out(yes they still are a thing), being restrained when acting out, having no access to your phone, having no actual therapy, being in an environment that is most times a clusterfuck of abuse and potential abuse, and being severely traumatized again by staying in a psych ward.
.
#I'm so sorry OP :(#borderline culture is#borderline personality disorder#bpd#bpd culture is#bpd culture#bpd safe#actually borderline#actually bpd#tw vent#cw vent#vent#tw ableism#cw ableism#tw psych ward#cw psych ward
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As someone who has ACTUALLY been in a psych ward due to self-harm and a suicide attempt, no this rich white neurotypical woman was not raised in an “asylum.” Being in a psych ward, whether of not you had a good experience, can be traumatising. It is disgusting Taylor Swift had the fucking NERVE to make fun of someone’s mental illness than say that? Staning Taylor swift is so 🔥not🔥 hot.
Fuck Taylor Swift. Not in the good way.
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