#cw psych ward | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hazshit-hotel-hater · 1 month

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Your sick little head, so brain damaged and lying in that hospital bed.

This art means a lot to me. It isn’t as rendered or polished as my other work, but I want it to look scrappy, messy, and still pretty. If you’d like to just read about the style and story of the art unrelated to myself, feel free to skip this section.

Last week I mentioned being in the hospital and the psych ward, and while I wont give extreme details, it was for an overdose. Recently after getting out I’ve been trying to act like nothing happened and it’s all going to go back to normal, but this is the 3rd time I’ve done it or been on the edge of it. Just last week I had to get rid of two of my cats just after I’d been discharged and that on top of the trauma of the whole situation I’ve just felt strangely empty. Overdoses don’t just come and go like that. The mental effects aside from whatever you took linger and hurt more than anything. “I’m doing better” really just means I’m not about to do it again, but those feelings are still stored somewhere deep inside me. For this specific piece I wanted to describe that feeling and wonder of “How would anyone feel if they found me? What will they do after?”

People don’t talk about Molly nearly as much as I think they should, but it’s understandable given that she has no set substance yet. For that reason I have made my own. The biggest thing I’ve mentioned before—in my Angel Dust headcanon post—is that I believe Molly is the one that found Anthony after he overdosed and called 911. The rest of his family was likely a bit worried, but I don’t think any of them cared as much as she did. Another headcanon of mine is that Anthony and Molly had matching rings with “AN” & “MO” engraved onto them. Molly sold her ring to pay for Anthonys funeral after his passing in the hospital and now wears Anthonys as replacement on her index finger which she eventually takes to heaven with her.

I don’t imagine she was able to visit him very often while he was in a coma but she still did when she could and would talk to him in hopes he could hear her a little bit before he left. It’d take a bit of a tangent but when sinners enter hell, in my mind entering hell takes as long as it did to die. So for Anthony it likely took him a week to a month to die during his coma from complications, and in turn, it took that same amount of time for him to full wake up in hell. Sinners to me are made and formed out of the ground in hell and wake up in a similar location to where they died. Angel Dust would’ve woken up alone in a hospital while his sister was now left alone and Anthony’s body likely already buried by then.

These are reasons why I included forget-me-nots and sweet peas as taped on decals. Their meanings being “Please don’t forget me” and “Goodbye, thank you for a wonderful time.” respectively. I also added the “M” wax seal over one of the sweet peas because I feel that it’s a sentiment that Molly held close to her heart and still does.

Molly’s body is torn from pink paper while Angel’s is blue paper. I intended for these to somewhat be seen as hands, like how the pink paper wraps over the forget-me-not when the blue paper lays beneath it to show Molly’s attempt to hold onto the memory of her brother while Angel is trying to remember his own life yet is unaware of what is happening to his sister now; unaware if she’s alive or not due to his poor keeping of time. Angel is also a scrap of paper glued above Molly’s hands to pretty genuinely symbolise they’re both in different dimensions now and can’t fully be apart of the same without the help of an external force. I also wanted to include more jumping spider elements so I’d like to think the string holding the tears is silk. Jumping spiders leave silk behind incase they fall so they can climb back up and when you put that in the form of a mentality I think Molly would fit into that very well.

I really hope we see more of Molly and I hope she had a good life and can see her brother again. Of course, she is a fictional character, but I can’t imagine the trauma she’s experienced in her life even without my personal headcanons. I love Molly a lot and just from how I personally interpret her she reminds me a lot of my mother.

Hopefully you can enjoy my ramblings and craze about these funny little spiders. 🩷

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swagging-back-to · 3 months

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literally the only reason i didnt hang myself in the psych ward bathroom or put a wash cloth over the drain and drown myself or drink the ink from my sharpie markers is because i didnt want them to remove the doors for the next person and take away even more of their freedom and privacy

#i only stayed alive so the next person wouldnt suffer even more.#just because i didnt do it doesnt mean it wouldnt happen.#not sorry but trying to prevent people to kill themselves is like..dystopia behavior.#cant have a potential employee or consumer being taken off the map! capitalism would crumble!!!#it's why socialist countries usually have assisted suicide. they genuinely do not see humans as something #the government is owed.#cw suicide #tw suicide #anti psych #cw psych ward #tw psych ward #anti psychiatry

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lovecatsys · 4 months

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ah yes i think very hard about a character and suddenly someone thinks i am a danger to myself or others due to a mental illness and need to be institutionalized. this makes perfect sense

#cw mental hospital #cw psych ward #what the fuck.

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everswift · 8 days

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cw for everything ig bc i don't even know what to tag this but like

a big push for reform in mental health institutions in brazil happened after it became known just how abusive some of these psych wards were and a very big one in particular took out all the teeth of every single patient the moment they were admitted so like. i know she is talking about circus animals but the "they took out all her teeth" line just makes me go a bit 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

#cw mental illness #cw teeth #cw psych ward #tbf this album has. a lot of triggers for me #also i have a phobia of teeth (unrelated) that does not help

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icannotgetoverbirds · 2 months

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Severe fucking content warning

Content warning for literal fucking torture and abuse. everything else should be tagged. If I miss any content warnings please for the love of all that is holy tell me so I can fix it.

Psychological torture. Those are the words bouncing around my head this morning.

Did you know that sleep deprivation and social isolation are often considered to be tied for the worst tortures known to humankind?

Let me give you some more context. When I left mormonism, I lost everything in regards to my social safety net. Mormonism and my mormon friends and family were all I had.

It's by design, too; how is someone supposed to leave if their only safety net disappears when they do? Why would they even consider leaving if that safety net holds them perfectly because they can conform?

But when you can't conform, you fall through the cracks. As I did.

I didn't just lose everything, though. I didn't stop there. I also gained a neighborhood full of watchdogs who I was sure would herd me back to the cult at the first opportunity.

Going outside on foot was no longer an option - if any of my many mormon neighbors saw me, they would have Questions. If I gave any worrying answers, there was bound to be Visits. I wasn't strong enough to handle that.

Besides, I lived in suburban hell. Fifteen minutes just to get out of the neighborhood on foot, another fifteen to get to the nearest gas station. My depressed, broke self wasn't about to spend an hour walking for a round trip to the fucking gas station when I could barely handle doing my own laundry.

So I was trapped inside the house unless my parents or someone else with a car deigned to bring me with them on a trip. But it was fine at first, because I had an internet connection and multiple online friends; plus, I'd managed to forge one irl friendship with someone between deconverting and graduating high school.

My parents weren't happy about this for some reason (I have a working theory as to why and I'll get to it later). Their justification was that it was just generally bad for me to be spending as much time online as I was.

Of course, I wasn't doing great mentally, but they refused to believe that they could be at fault for that with their "mild" transphobia. Surely refusing to accept my newfangled, sinful identity on the basis of a false moral high ground couldn't possibly be the most significant source of my suffering; surely deadnaming and misgendering me couldn't be doing that much damage.

Surely refusing to assist the transitioning process in any way shape or form couldn't be a good enough reason for suicidal ideation. Surely I was just an undermedicated psycho for considering lighting myself on fire just to get them to understand my pain enough to... help me with the process of buying a binder with my own money.

Surely I just needed to get my act together and get over myself.

So, ever since that psych ward visit that treated me better than they did, they decided that I could only have internet access if I did enough of my chores around the house.

Doesn't sound too unreasonable until you remember that 99% of my friends were online. I tried telling them this, and their response was to encourage me to get back in touch with my old ward member friends. You know, from the cult I had just escaped. That, granted, my parents were still very much a part of.

(Remember that theory I was telling you about? That little tidbit is an important piece of evidence.)

So I was cut off from the world with significant regularity, having nothing but a flip phone to contact the one supportive friend whose phone number I had. That friend kept me alive and sane enough to stay that way for nearly a year as this hell dragged on.

At some point, my brother and his girlfriend moved back in with us. I guess they weren't a fan of all the sinning I was doing, because my parents had multiple talks with me about how I needed to give them more space (aka stop existing in the same room as them).

So, eventually, I was all but confined to my bedroom, since I could never sit them down to have a conversation about what times I was allowed to be downstairs and what times they would be occupying that space.

This all built up to the breaking point. I had just developed a new medical condition that left me basically bedbound in pain. I was forced out of bed anyways, because nobody was going to take care of me (probably due to the nature of the condition being considered 'sinful'). I did what I could as I could, as I always have.

There had been a misunderstanding about chores. My brother and his girlfriend were in charge of one bathroom, i was in charge of the other. Except I thought I was in charge of the wrong one. So while the downstairs bathroom stayed clean (despite me not doing much to maintain it), the upstairs bathroom became absolutely filthy.

It all came to a head when my brother yelled at me to take care of my responsibility. I finally figured out what had happened and explained to him why I hadn't been doing it, as well as why I wasn't about to start until I could actually, you know, stay standing for any significant amount of time. He yelled at me more and threatened to tell our mom.

I told him to go ahead, as any rational person would take one look at the situation and agree that I needed to rest. My only mistake was assuming that my mom retained any rationality for me.

So she called me and attempted to chew me out. mind you, i was ill and in debilitating pain already, so I put my foot down and asked her to save it for later. But I knew what was coming when she said we were going to "have a conversation" when she got home. She was going to take away my flip phone to force me to do as I was told.

My flip phone, 99% of the use for which was to call my one and only friend that i could access. My one and only friend who was the sole support in my life. The only person, the only thing keeping me sane.

That was going to be it for me. If she did that (and she'd done it before, so there was precedent), I was going to fucking kill myself.

So I locked her out of my room that night and tried to get a good night's rest in preparation for what would have to happen in order for me to survive.

At about 4 in the morning the next day, I packed up everything that i could carry and i walked out the door.

Every single thing I have been through since that day has been worth it to get out of that hell. I am still homeless over a year later and the only thing I wish I did different was to leave sooner and prepare better. Maybe get a nice duffel bag and do my laundry first instead of hauling all my dirty clothes in trash bags. I could've saved myself a lot of trouble by getting my documents together beforehand.

anyways. Befoer I came out as trans and not a mormon, my mother seemed fully supportive - or at least, like she was supporting me as much as she was capable of doing.

Afterwards? She never looked at me the same way again.

And so I have to wonder how two changes to my identity and lifestyle could wrench her away from kindness like that. How they could possibly cause such a significant change in how she treated me.

Here's the working theory.

Mormons prey on vulnerable people. Their missionaries are literally told to seek out the meek and weary and poor to "give them rest." This is also how they bring people back - they find out which inactive members are struggling without their safety net (which they often remove for the sin of inactivity/deconversion/etc) and those are the ones that they grasp at to try and bring back. Those are the ones that they reach out to, that they check in on.

So, how better to take advantage of someone's vulnerability than to make them vulnerable yourself? How better to make them vulnerable than to take away all of their safety nets? How better to tear them from their sin than to tear their sinful friends from them?

How better to break an apostate than to back them into a corner and bring in the walls? How better to turn someone towards your god than to give them no other choice except to be crushed?

And if they'd rather die than return to Jesus, well, then, at least you're sending them straight to the afterlife. Then they'll HAVE to see the truth. Then they'll HAVE to repent.

After all, all my mother needs to do to keep our family together forever is to keep me righteous. She already gave me a body. What loss is the rest of my life compared to the rest of eternity?

Better to die young than to live in sin. Better to be forced to come to Jesus than to choose to live free of him.

She wasn't a bumbling fool incapable of listening to me when I told her she was hurting me. She knew exactly what she was doing.

She abused me, TORTURED me, entirely on purpose. Entirely for the purpose of bringing me back to her god.

I have been tortured. I have experienced psychological torture. I probably have fucking brain damage from said psychological torture.

https://solitarywatch.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/SW-Fact-Sheet-5-Neurological-Effects-v230613.pdf

So, all that said, is it any wonder that I thought the streets would be better? Is it any wonder that I never want to see her again unless it's to use her grave as a gender neutral bathroom?

She nearly killed me. I think that was an acceptable outcome to her, too.

Certainly, the last thing she expected was for me to put my back to one wall and my feet to another and clamber out of that trap she made. Should've put a roof on it, I guess.

Anyways. If it seems like I've been less online/chipper than usual, it's because I've spent the past week coming to terms with this shit.

I love you all so, so much. Thanks for being there for me. Here's to staying alive; to escaping the trap; to finding our own families and leaving our abusers behind in the dust.

Here's to all of you. Y'all were worth the trouble of being homeless, easily.

#byrd chirps #byrd's business #cw abuse #cw torture #cw captivity #cw isolation #cw cults #cw cult abuse #cw religion #cw religious trauma #exmo #exmormon #byrd is an exmo #cw ableist language #cw self harm mention #cw suicidal ideation #cw psych ward #okay to rb #cw homelessness #oh and this isn't even mentioning that they pulled the money card after that psych ward visit #literally they were like #'okay sweetie we're gonna pay for it this time but Next Time this happens you need to Show Some Responsibility and pay for it yourself'#which was the tipping point for me realizing that me not making it out of there alive was a perfectly acceptable option to them #because i know them and they may be stupid #but they're not stupid enough to believe that forcing me to pay for my psych ward visits would keep me from needing the psych ward #mind you these people are affording rent on a very nice 4 bedroom suburban house #and they keep fucking guilting me about how much money i'm costing them?#anyways. it was fucked up.#the worst part is i honestly think the lack of acceptance was more painful than the social isolation #if they hadn't isolated me i still don't know if i would've been able to tolerate their transphobia

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anotherfagontheinternet · 1 year

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here's a list of things that have greatly improved how i feel physically and mentally!

-drinking water first thing in the morning -going to sleep and waking up at the same time each day -getting a solid 8 hours of sleep -eating meals at roughly the same time every day -taking my meds at the same time every day, with food unless you're supposed to take it on an empty stomach -TAKING MY MEDS PERIOD. even if you're late, even if you forgot to yesterday and the day before, TAKE YOUR MEDS -don't cancel that doctor or therapy appointment if you can afford it. you need to stay healthy, physically and mentally, and your doctor(s) and therapist(s) exist to help you do that -not making demeaning jokes about myself even if they're funny as hell (i'll admit, i still do this but i'm working on recognizing when i do and cutting back on the self-deprecation.) -basic hygiene, yes even when you just want to go to sleep or sleep in. wash your face, take a quick shower, comb your hair or whatever basic hair care you need to do -go outside, even if you're just getting the mail or standing on your patio for ten minutes -speak to another human, even if it's just to say hello, even if it's not face-to-face or verbal. talk to someone on the phone or on discord or facebook or whatever you use to communicate with people.

i know for a lot of people, depression, anxiety, work schedules, money, physical disabilities, and other shit get in the way of doing this stuff, but if you're capable of doing it, DO IT.

i've been to the psych ward multiple times in the last three years and since i started taking basic care of myself, i've felt so much better mentally, and it's been over a year since i was last in the psych hospital. like yeah, the physical feeling improves too, but the mental improvement was SO beneficial for me.

please take care of yourself as best as you're able to whenever you're able to.

#cw psych ward #cw psych hospital

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rory-moment · 1 year

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literally just a vent

haha but seriously i think i need to check myself into the ward i literally cannot handle the slightest disagreements anymore, the slightest mishaps or failures. i am literally slowly dying. its not even funny haha anymore i am literally decaying. i am rotting from the inside.

i am dying and its my fault.

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xxinsertuserherexx · 2 years

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cw: suicidal ideation, psych ward ment., involuntary admission

did i even tell youse guys about how i got put in baby jail (the psych ward) in the first place

i was thinking about sewer slide constantly for 2 weeks straight but felt okay on friday (9/16). i wasn’t sure if the okay feeling was going to stick around though.

i tell my therapist this in confidence

she, per policy, calls my psychiatrist in

my psychiatrist "evaluates" me (spent less than a minute asking me leading questions; literally asked “you’re suicidal, yes?”)

she leaves and come back in about a minute with a pink slip (involuntary admission slip)

she gives me 2 digshit options 1) call my parents and have them take me to the er or 2) get taken to the er via a 911 call

i don't want to go at all. no one cares what i want.

psychiatrist calls 911 and 2 police officers show up to take me to the hospital.

i sob uncontrollably

i'm taken in the back of the police car to the emergency room, where the doctor sees i'm pinked and only asks me leading questions

i answer that i'm fine, but because they see i'm pinked and that my psychiatrist wrote that i currently have poor insight and judgement, they admit me to Baby Jail

btw i found out yesterday that an ambulance was supposed to show up, not the police, and both me and my therapist are pissed about this info

#cw suicidal ideation #cw psych ward #cw involuntary admission #had a bad time and whatnot #but i did soooo much coloring #btw i've been calling it baby jail because everything was baby proofed #i couldn't even have markers!! >:(#or an extra blankie!!!!#or my stuffed animal even though someone else had one so what the fuck man

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horygory · 21 days

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The Cabin in the Woods (2011)

#the cabin in the woods #horror movies #horror fans #movie night #scary movies #horror #scary #horror aesthetic #cult classic #haunted hospitals #asylum #nightmare nurse #creepy #psych ward #surgical #surgery #surgeon #cw blood #horror films

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with-the-flickers-of-light · 9 days

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oh fucking hell i just realized i've been saying "i wasn't in the psych ward for that long" but you know how long i was there for? LITERALLY A FORTNIGHT. so. i'm just gonna. go have feelings. uh. right. bye.

#anti taylor swift #<- honestly i feel like it's. not really anti. but something something tagging is important so people can filter their experience #cw psych ward

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borderline-culture-is · 2 months

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BPD + OSDD CULTURE IS GETTING VIOLENTLY FAKECLAIMED BY YOUR OWN MOTHER AND FATHER AND BEING THREATENED WITH A 72-HR ADMISSION TO THE FUCKING WARD BECAUSE YOU CAME OUT AS PLURAL VIA UNMASKING , AND IT PISSES YOU OFF SO MUCH YOU BASICALLY COMPLETELY BLACK-SPLIT ON THEM AND NO LONGER WANNA LIVE IN THIS HOUSE ANY LONGER THAN YOU HAVE TO OUT OF NECESSITY .

THIS COMBINED WITH THE FACT THAT OUR TWO PARTNER SYSTEMS ARE LIVING TOGETHER NOW , AND ARE STILL GETTING COZY WITH EACH OTHER WHILE WE'RE MILES AWAY , UNABLE TO SHARE THAT AFFECTION , AND YOU'VE GOT ME BEING FRONTSTUCK FOR DAYS AND EXPERIENCING A FRUITY EMOTIONAL COCKTAIL OF " BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS DISORDER EPISODE : THE WORST IT'S EVER BEEN " .

GOD . PLEASE . JUST PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY . I'M LITERALLY JUST A FUCKING BUNNYGIRL K-ANGEL FICTIVE . I'M NOT BUILT TO SURVIVE THE HORRORS LIKE THIS :(

I WANNA GO HOME TO MY PARTNERS. PLEASE . ANYTHING TO GET AWAY FROM HERE . </3

— 🎙🌠🎀

#i'm sorry op :(#bpd + osdd culture is #bpd + osdd culture #bpd + osdd #borderline culture is #borderline personality disorder #bpd #bpd culture is #bpd culture #bpd safe #actually borderline #actually bpd #osdd #osdd system #typing quirk #< tagging so if you dont wanna see it ya won't #tw psych ward #cw psych ward #- 🎙🌠🎀

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hazshit-hotel-hater · 1 month

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Guess who is back from the psych ward !! Genuinely the worst fucking experience of my life. Anyway still expect a bit of a break im recovering from a lot of stuff 💔

#raimble #tw psych ward #cw psych ward #tw mental hospital #cw mental hospital

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lovecatsys · 4 months

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those fucking hospital standard masks have turned into a PTSD trigger for me because i associate the smell with my time in psych wards since we had to wear those at the time and now whenever i wear one i start getting panicky and reminded of those times :/

#cw psych ward #cw institutions #cw mental hospital #my mom is making me where one whenever i leave my room right now

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ghosts-cyphera · 3 months

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I don’t want to scare you, I really don’t. But listen to me: in terms of going to a psychiatric ward, Lo, are you absolutely sure this is what you want?

I speak as a survivor of the psych ward myself. I was twelve when they put me unsupervised in a room with violent individuals twice my age. They fed us rotting food. The orderlies didn’t even try to help us, or keep the violent patients from hurting themselves or others. I was lucky- I spent two weeks in outpatient, not a lot of time all things considered, but it was such a horrifying, traumatic experience that I still have nightmares about it to this day. There are whole days I can’t recall from that time because I repressed so much of it.

I know not all mental hospitals are like this, but I’m far from the only one with a horror story. These places are not meant to help people. I have spoken to many people both online and in person whose experiences were just as bad if not worse than my own. I don’t want you or anyone else to suffer like I did.

I don’t mean to be out of line, I don’t. But I care for you Lo, not just as an author I enjoy but as a fellow neurodivergent and a writer, I want you to be safe and happy. You deserve safety and happiness. And those things are seldom found in the psych ward. I just want you to be aware of the risks you may be taking. The last thing I want is for a place of healing to turn into a place of suffering for you.

Please, Lo, consider this even if you delete this message (which you absolutely can, no hard feelings whatsoever). Seeing you on my dash makes me smile and the fandom would be a little bit colder without you. But as a survivor of a psych ward, I need to impart my experiences so that others can protect themselves where I was unable to. I don’t usually speak about my trauma regarding the ward on Tumblr, this is a first. But I wouldn’t be able to live in good conscience knowing I had the opportunity to warn you and didn’t take it. Take care of yourself, please. You deserve all the light and softness in the world and more.

Oh my goodness, my darling!

I’m so, so incredibly sorry about what happened to you. This breaks my heart, and I’d give anything it takes to heal your trauma if only it worked that way. You did not deserve any of this, and the fact that you were only 12 too is sickening. I’m so, so sorry.

But to ease your anxiety, I’m not going to a psych ward, sweetheart! 💗 I have a referral to a psychiatric hospital but once I finally get in, I’ll be in outpatient care. I’ll still be living at home, but I’ll be monitored, likely given medication, and I’ll be seeing a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist to help me with my depression.

I hit a point a couple of weeks ago where I momentarily had to consider if admitting myself to a hospital/psych ward was what I needed to do to keep myself alive, but after watching every tiktok video about psych wards I could find, I promised myself to not admit myself whatever it took. Maybe some places are better than others, but the stories I’ve heard are heartbreaking. Yours, for example.

Again, I’m so, so sorry for what you had to go through. You did not deserve any of it. I’m also sorry for giving you a scare tonight. Thank you for caring so incredibly much about me and for looking out for me. I’ll never forget this. 💗 )-:

#lo answers #my heart is hurting so bad for you #I hope you’re doing better nowadays #you deserve so much more than what they put you through #cw depression #cw psych wards #cw suicide #suicide #depression #psych ward

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