#tw psych ward
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I've seen other people doing this, so I might as well. TW for suicidal thoughts and mental illness.
You can only tag up to 6 people.
If this gets to 500 notes, I'll start exercising and eating healthier again
If this gets 1000 notes, I'll try to fix what is likely a social media addiction
If this gets to 1500 notes, I'll fix my sleep schedule
If this gets 2000 notes, I'll tell someone about my OCD and depression symptoms
If this gets to 2500 notes, I will actually seek help for my suicidal thoughts
And if this gets 3000 notes, I will ask to be voluntarily admitted to a psych ward- yes, I know that people don't agree with this kind of thing, but honestly I need it. I don't want to be thought of as crazy for the rest of my life, but my mental health has gotten so bad that I barely get out of bed.
#rb bait#if this gets x notes#tw suicide#tw depression#tw ocd#tw mental illness#tw psych ward#tw addiction#so if I don't do it str#ooc#out of character.
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Can anyone please stop encouraging taking away the autonomy and safety of suicidal and other mentally ill people for FIVE MINUTES. DO NOT report vent posts or call the social services or cops on someone venting to you. If you can't handle it, block the tags, don't interact with that person, or if it's a personal thing try pointing them to someone that does want to support them. DO NOT forcefully institutionalize your "friends" out of "concern." After traumatizing them and contributing to getting their rights stripped of them, their blood will be on YOUR hands. Is this guilt trippy? I don't care. Don't be a narc. Watch out for your friends, filter out things you know you personally aren't equipped to deal with, arm yourself against this pervasive idea that institutions are here to "help." And don't fucking white knight for struggling people without being asked. No one likes that, the victim least of all. You are not some hero. You do not "know best and better than them." If you are pro-non consensual "treatment" and siccing dangerous systems onto already vulnerable people, especially if you've done something like that before, get off my blog and I hope the door hits you on the way out.
I am not joking. The moment you decide to stick your nose into someone's life and fuck shit up by bringing in all that horribly dehumanizing dangerous shit is the moment you have that person's blood on your hands. Even if the experience doesn't kill them-- any trauma they sustain because of what you did is in fact your fault. Any friends or opportunities they lose that makes their life worse is your fault. If they become homeless because you got them institutionalized? Your fault. And I hope that guilt makes it hard to sleep for you forever. I hope that whenever you have the audacity to eat your nice safe home cooked food you remember the kind of food that they could barely keep down because of you. I hope when you settle into your soft, blanketed bed-- you remember how they couldn't have even that because of you. I hope when you go out with your friends to a nice mall or park or bar you remember how you stole that freedom from them. All for the crime of being in pain and vulnerable. I hope that on your deathbed all you can think about is the people who you made sure could not be afforded such a peaceful death surrounded by loved ones because you just HAD TO make YOURSELF feel better and be the white knight no one asked for, never once stopping to actually think what that could do to someone. Fuck people with saviour complexes who ruin lives over their petty feelings. And I am so sorry to anyone who has been betrayed and so thoroughly fucked in this way. It is NOT fair, it is NOT okay, and you didn't deserve that. You deserve the softness, safety, and comfort that is afforded to everyone else. And I am sorry that others believe any different.
#anti psych#tw psych ward#tw institutionalisation#white knighting#savior complex#madlib#human rights#psychiatric abuse#tw sui ment#involuntary institutionalization#autonomy#madpunk#pro freedom#freedom for all#none of us are free until all of us are free#advocate for mentally ill people
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bpd culture is being framed for threatening suicide when you're at such a low point/in the middle of a breakdown and all you can scream is how much you don't want to live anymore meanwhile you're threatened to be locked away against your consent, having your (bodily) autonomy stripped away, getting your remaining sense of safety and comfort ripped away, getting most of your belongings taken away, not being able to piss/shower without people needing to watch you, being in an environment with other severly unstable people that can (and will) trigger you, having no distractions, being left alone with nothing but your thoughts, being with staff that are nothing but shit and refuse to actually help you, being thrown in the rubber cell when acting out(yes they still are a thing), being restrained when acting out, having no access to your phone, having no actual therapy, being in an environment that is most times a clusterfuck of abuse and potential abuse, and being severely traumatized again by staying in a psych ward.
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#I'm so sorry OP :(#borderline culture is#borderline personality disorder#bpd#bpd culture is#bpd culture#bpd safe#actually borderline#actually bpd#tw vent#cw vent#vent#tw ableism#cw ableism#tw psych ward#cw psych ward
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As someone who has ACTUALLY been in a psych ward due to self-harm and a suicide attempt, no this rich white neurotypical woman was not raised in an “asylum.” Being in a psych ward, whether of not you had a good experience, can be traumatising. It is disgusting Taylor Swift had the fucking NERVE to make fun of someone’s mental illness than say that? Staning Taylor swift is so 🔥not🔥 hot.
Fuck Taylor Swift. Not in the good way.
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what to expect when being admitted to a psych ward (this is from my own personal experiences of being admitted to a mixed involuntary/voluntary facility and a valuntary facility, both for adults, both holding people of all genders):
•when being admitted they are going to ask you a lot of personal questions (mental health history, drug use, triggers, etc), sadly you will have to get used to talking to strangers during your stay
• when they tell you the name of the facility try to remember it, you might be asked where you are later to check your awareness
•they will take your picture for the records
•they will confiscate your phone (this is to ensure that you cant take pictures of other patients)
•they will confiscate all other belongings you have on you and keep them until you are discharged
•they will confiscate your clothes and shoes and have you change into scrubs and the famous grippy socks
•you might be strip searched to ensure you arent hiding anything and to take note of any distingushing birthmarks, scars, tattoos, etc (in my experience this was done by someone who alligned with my sex assigned at birth)
• you will probably have a physical medical exam or just talk to a dr about you medical history and what accomidations or meds you may need during your stay, you may be subjected to blood and/or urine tests
•the doors will be locked and you wont be able to walk out anytime (even in voluntary you have to go through the discharge process before leaving)
•if you use nicotine, depending on the place they will either provide you with nicotine patches/gum or allow you to have cigarette smoke breaks (you have to provide your own cigarettes or have visotors bring them to you and they dont allow vapes because they cant monitor what is in them)
•obviously no recreational drugs or alcohol is allowed
•the place itself will feel bland and clinical (think hospital but devoid of anything you could hurt yourself with)
•you will probably have your vitals checked everyday like compression arm cuff, heartbeat finger monitor and temperature taken
•you might have to wear a face mask at all times in the facility
•if you have a wristband from a hospital you can ask staff to cut it off for you
•you may or may not be roomed with other people (i was roomed with a female since i am afab nonbinary, idk how they room binary trans people)
•the bathrooms will either have a curtain or a door you cant lock (this is for your safety)
•depending on the place and your risk, you will be monitered by staff (in the mixed facility they had to physically see me every 15 minutes, just come into the room and check off a clipboard)
•there will be a front desk that is staffed at all times, feel free to approach and ask for things, ask questions or even ask if they want to play board games with you
•there will be a schedule for meal times and activities, it will be the same every day
•the food will be cafeteria food, think hospital or school cafeteria or possibly worse, they will already be aware of any medical dietary needs of yours but from what ive witnessed they do not do the same for religous or personal dietary needs (like a friend i made in the ward asked if the food was hallal, the staff didnt know but encouraged her to eat it anyway) they will also let you opt out of the prepared meal for something like a sandwich or snacks
•they will also have snack times in addision to the meals, but if at any point you are hungry, ask staff and you might get an extra snack or sandwich
•there might be coffee, it will probably be decaf, and the hours they serve it might be limited
•there might be patients who scream, cry, swear or have psychotic breaks
•there might be patients who are detoxing that might gag, puke or cough repeatedly
•there might be patients with visible self harm/suicide attempt wounds or scars
•there might be patients who are violent and/or sex offenders (the staff should keep you safe, but a patient hurting you is a possibility)
•if you have an outburst or hurt yourself or others, you might be physically handled by staff, given sedatives agaisnt your will, placed in solitary confinement or all three (this should only be done when nessasary to keep you or others safe, if the staff do this without reason or otherwise abuse you, you should report it to police when you have the chance)
•if you cry you will probably be left alone, staff might ask if you want to talk to them
•there will be cameras inside the facility but not in bathrooms, and depending on the place not in bedrooms either (this is for safety, so in the event of abuse there will be proof, i witnessed a patient to patient assault in the ward and the police used the footage to convict the perpatrator)
•there will be landline phones you can use, there may be limited phone hours, and they may limit your time on the phone, the phones are placed by the front desk so staff will be able to listen in on your conversations, they will let you write down phone numbers while you still have your phone during intake so that you can have the numbers later when making phonecalls (in my experience the time limit depends on the staff thats around so some will let you talk as long as you like)
•the phones you use will not allow you to call 911, if you are having a medical emergency you should inform the staff if possible (they will treat you or take you to a hospital if nessasary), if you need to report a crime you should ask the staff to call the police or otherwise file the police report after discharge
•there will be communial TVs with limited hours, you will need to ask the staff to operate the remote (one ward only had cable and the other one only had DVDs and us patients took turns choosing the movie)
•there will be daily group therapy, depending on the place it could be manditory (in the voluntary ward i asked why i hadnt seen any group therapy like the schedule said, and they said no one was asking to go, so i asked and i was the only person in the group therapy lol)
•they might have activities like yoga, art therapy, craft time, music time or other things (if you see it in the schedule you can ask them to tell you when its happening)
•there might be outside time in a fenced off area or there might be no outside time at all (this is for safety)
•the windows might be frosted, tinted or have a dotted film over them (this is for privacy)
•there will probably be activities that you can always access like coloring pages with crayons and/or colored pencils, puzzles, board games and paperback books
•you will get your clothes you came in back probably the next day, they might wash it
•visitors can bring you clothes but it has to have no strings (like drawstrings or shoelaces) no metal bits, and no graphic or offensive prints on clothes
•jewlery is not allowed unless its a piercing
•visitors can bring you books as long as its paperback, and journals as long as it doesnt have a metal spine, and other safe activities like paint by sticker books
•visitors cant bring blankets or towells, that will be provided by the facility
•anything visitors bring has to be checked by staff before they can give it to you
•you might not be able to recieve calls unless the person has an access code that they will provide for you, so you have to call first
•there can be meetings with visitors, it could be limited to certain days of the week or certain hours, your visitors may be subjected to a search, and your visiting time might be monitored by staff
•you will be given your psych meds as normally perscribed, they may have you open your mouth and lift your tounge after you take them to show that you actually swallowed them, you might be able to meet with a perscriber to get a med change
•you will probably have short daily private appointments with a counselor, this wont be as in depth as therapy but rather a way to check your progress, it could even just be like "on a scale form 1-10 how depressed are you?"
•you can still have any phone/telehealth appointments you already had planned, just inform staff and you might be put in a private room with a computer
•ask staff for things! like deoderant, toothbrush, toothpaste, blank paper, to print out an image of something that can cheer you up, honestly anything just ask
•ask staff if you want to shave, clip your nails, or apply makeup, you will probably have to do it in front of staff at the front desk
•for showers ask staff for towells, shampoo, conditioner and maybe body wash (the shower usually has a soap despensor in it) the shampoo and stuff will come in little cups, also if you can, ask for extra towells to place on the floor for when you get out
•your shower time might be limited, the shower probably wont get very hot (to avoid people burning themselves) and it will probably be a timed button that sprays water for 30 seconds at a time so youll have to keep pressing it to shower long enough
•the bed will probably not be very comfy, like thin foam matresses and scratchy sheets
•you can ask the staff for over-the-counter meds like ibuprofen, laxatives, sleeping pills, etc
•the days will feel long, try to keep yourself occupied with activities and phonecalls
•i encourage you to talk to the other patients! you can connect and relate to people in simular situations, older mentally ill people with experience, and just to make friends while youre there (ive even witnessed two men agree to have a romantic relationship only during their time in the ward, they called eachother "hospital boyfriends")
•i encourage you to journal about your experience and feelings while youre there
•how long youll be there really depends on your situation, although both times ive gone they said the usual stay was one week or less and thats how long i stayed both times
•they may require you to do certain things before you are allowed to discharge like get a med change, improve your mood, set up appointments with drs or counselors in the future, get stabalized on meds or show recovery in other ways
•even if you are voluntary, you will need to go through the discharge process before leaving like signing paperwork, collecting your belongings, setting up a ride to leave, and confirming that you have somewhere to go (ive witnessed staff hire taxis, and help people apply and get into shelters)
i dont say all this to scare you or keep you from volunteering yourself into a psych ward, just to warn you about things so that you dont have to be shocked by a totally new environment all at once like i was
everyones experience in psych wards is different, every place is different, i didnt cover psych wards for people under age 18, or gendered wards, or addiction recovery wards or otherwise specialized wards because i have no experience there
but despite the bad parts, my time in psych wards has seriously helped me, it kept me safe from myself when nothing else could, literally saving my life twice, it gave me very important med changes, and it gave me experience with other mentally ill people, like the older woman who told me "as mentally ill people we cant always trust our insticts" and other advice that has helped me
it may feel bleak, it may make you feel trapped, you may feel like you dont belong there, but the bottom line is this is place meant to help you, even if just in the most basic form of keeping you safe, housed, fed and properly medicated
and remember youre still a human, you still have rights, if anything unjust happens to you there you have every right to report it to the police
#psych ward#psychiatric hospital#asylum#insane asylum#ik those are outdated terms im just tagging so people can find this#mental illness#nd#mental health awareness#mental health#mental health advice#tw psych ward#tw hospital#long post
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Intoxicating Fear (Xiii)
Family Time
Continued from // Masterpost
*~*~*~*~*
Kit’s palms were sweating as he walked into the hospital, stopping at the reception desk and smiling at the receptionist, Heather. She smiled with her painted red lips when she saw Kit. It shouldn’t have made him nauseous, Heather always had red lipstick on and it suited her. She was very pretty with her blonde hair and big blue eyes and red lips, but it just reminded him now of Ambrose.
“Hey Kit, you goin’ up to your old man?”
“Yeah, if that’s okay.”
“Of course, doll. Go right ahead.”
Kit thanked her and walked on to the stairs. He needed the stairs to give him the time to gather his thoughts. What was he going to say? How was he going talk to him after knowing exactly what Ambrose was like? When he knew exactly what Omen was capable of… and Kit was getting off light.
His mind was still somewhat in tact. How was he supposed to look at him, the man that took Kit into his house and raised him, and know that he had been spared?
The guilt bloomed like tar in his gut; pitch black, oozing and heavy. Fuck, his hands were shaking. What if his powers flared up when he was in there? He couldn’t control his red lightning that Ambrose kept bringing out in him… and it only happened when he was… well, angry, but —
Fuck.
Kit paused on the final step to Mentor’s floor. How much of himself would he see in Mentor now? How much suffering? Would he recognise the commands that Ambrose plagued his mind with?
It didn’t matter.
That was the thought that forced him up the final step and down the hallway to the psych ward. It didn’t matter what he thought or what he would see or face, because it was Mentor. If the roles were reversed, Kit knows that Mentor would be in here to see him— every single day, not every week.
The power-proofed psych ward was on the basement floor so if patients wanted to jump out of windows they could do it with minimal damage to themselves or others.
Kit hated walking up to the doors and pressing the button to be buzzed in. Hated how he knew that even if somehow Mentor got better miraculously, he wouldn’t be able to get out himself and come home.
Kit hadn’t been to Mentor’s house since the docks either, he should probably pay it a visit, put on the heat. The thoughts of the empty house getting damp and lonely… well, Kit just knew that mentor wouldn’t want that.
The door buzzed and Kit pushed it open. He walked down the hall, took a right at the nurses station and then stopped at the last door on the left. It was opened, so was his window. Mentor sat in his armchair staring at the birds as they sang a happy tune.
Kit paused at the door, just watching Mentor as he hummed softly back to the birds. He looked peaceful, wearing his favourite maroon sweater that Kit had gotten him one Christmas and his blue and red chequered pyjama bottoms.
Kit swallowed and stepped into the room, but where before Mentor would have noticed him lingering in the doorway, he didn’t even turn his head as Kit walked into the room and sat on the edge of his bed.
“Mentor,” said Kit softly. The corner of Mentor’s lips quipped up into a small smile at Kit’s voice, and Kit wanted to cry. He caught him on one of his rare good days. “How are you doing?”
“The birds are singing, Kit,” Mentor replied, his gaze dreamy. “The sun is shining. You’re here. I’m somewhat lucid.”
He turned his head to Kit, his warm blue eyes smiling. “I think I’m doing pretty great.”
Kit couldn’t help himself. It wasn’t a conscious thought, but he had crossed the short distance between the bed and Mentor’s chair to throw his arms around his— his family. He wanted so badly to tell him everything that had happened. Why he hasn’t visited in the last three months. Explain everything, tell him he knew what Mentor was going through because he was going through it too.
He settled for Mentor’s arms wrapping around him in their strong warm embrace, not at all cold like Ambrose.
“Hey kiddo, it’s okay.”
“I just…” the words choked on the way out, so Kit just squeezed Mentor tighter. “I miss you so much.”
“It’s alright. You’re here now, it’s all that matters isn’t it? Right now. We don’t have long before some nurse will give out to me for having visitors eh?” Kit laughed despite himself and pulled away from Mentor, nodding. Mentor didn’t let Kit’s arm go, he gave it a small, reassuring squeeze. “So we need to catch up on everything important, right?”
Kit nodded, his heart overwhelmed with joy. “Yeah.”
“Go on, sit down,” said Mentor, gesturing to the bed and Kit obeyed.
Mentor leaned forward and clasped his hands together, dropping them between his knees and fixing his features into a more sombre expression. Kit had the sudden feeling that Mentor somehow knew about Ambrose and his whole tragic ordeal, but then something glimmered in his eyes — an old familiar mischief that Superhero said Kit inherited from Mentor.
“Who’s top of the premier league? What have I missed? What about the rugby, and your car guys— what’re they called?”
“Formula one?” Kit asked with a startled laugh. He forgot he could be happy, but Kit wasn’t thinking about anything other than how good he felt.
“Yeah! Formula one, Ferrari and all them. I need all the updates because they only have the shit channels in here, and none of them are sports.”
Kit laughed again before he descended into a recap of all the sports developments he could think of recently. Well, almost recently if he discounted the last three month gap in his knowledge.
From sports they went onto movies, from movies they talked about the house and Kit’s apartment and then Mentor asked: “and how about work? Are you still in the Hero business?”
Kit could feel his smile fade at the question. That was the question of the hour was the it? Was he still a Hero? Could he even be considered one anymore?
He ignored the quiet voice in his head that asked: did he even want to be one anymore?
Instead Kit skirted around the issue. He told Mentor that Superhero had taken over as the new Superhero, that Kit worked closely with him. “Oh yeah. I always liked Superhero. He’s a nice guy, good moral compass.”
Kit told him that they were still hunting down Omen and Mentor’s eyes narrowed into points as sharp as daggers. “No.”
Kit blinked. “What?”
“No,” Mentor repeated. He got out of his chair and he walked towards Kit, grabbing both of Kit’s hands and squeezing them before kneeling in front of Kit. Kit stared down, his eyes as wide as saucers. “Kit promise me! Promise me you won’t go near that man.”
“Mento—”
“Kit!” Mentor cut in, his voice urgent, his eyes pleading with all his soul. “Promise me! You’ll stay miles away from him. He is only pain. I spent twenty years in the Hero business and I had never met a monster before him, Kit. You promise me!”
“I—”
“Promise me!”
“I promise,” Kit whispered. He didn’t mean for it to come out so quietly, but the urgency that Mentor was speaking with— Kit couldn’t say no to him. Not when he was like this. Tension released from Mentor’s shoulders as he let out a sigh, squeezing Kit’s hands again before letting them go and getting to his feet.
He put a hand in Kit’s hair and Kit froze, remembering cold fingers yanking his head up — but no! This was Mentor, not Ambrose. Mentor ruffled his hair affectionately in the same way he used to when he first met Kit and then withdrew his hand.
“You’re a good kid, Kit.”
Kit scoffed as he got to his feet. “Kid? Reckon I could still take you old man.”
Mentor’s eyes lit up with that glimmering mischief that Kit missed so much. “Oh yeah? Think you’re a tough guy now?”
“Tough enough to knock you on your arse.”
Mentor hummed like a monk, bringing his hands together in a pray before moving into a kung-fu pose, palm stretched out in front of him raised towards the ceiling. “You have much yet to learn, young Padawan.”
When Mentor flexed his fingers for Kit to give him his best shot, Kit smiled softly and walked towards him, finally wrapping his arms around Mentor instead. Mentor stiffened initially then relaxed and enveloped Kit in his warmth. “Hey Kid. It’s okay.”
It wasn’t fair, none of this was fair. Mentor wasn’t old enough to be retired, he was only… what? Late thirties? Early forties? He shouldn’t be here in this fucking psych ward, he should be at home with Kit. He should still be the number one hero. He should… he should have his own mind back. If it wasn’t for Ambrose, Mentor could still have his life!
“Hey… hey! Hey!” Mentor started shouting and Kit let go of him, stepping away. Mentor’s face contorted into fear and anger and disgust as he backed up to the wall, gasping. “Hey! What?! What did you do to me?”
Kit’s eyebrows knitted down into pained expression. “Mentor I—”
That was all Kit got out before Mentor was on him. Mentor grabbed Kit by his t-shirt and slammed him back against the wall, knocking the air from his lungs with a harsh hiss. “Mentor!”
Mentor’s fists curled in tight to Kit’s shirt, knuckles digging into Kit’s collarbone painfully. “What did you do to me! Huh! Make it stop! Make them stop!”
Mentor yanked Kit forward and shoved him back harder against the wall. Kit stared with wide eyes, frozen in shock. Mentor… he had never seen Mentor this bad before, where he didn’t even recognise him.
The screaming had alerted some nurses that came running into the room, yelling Mentor’s name.
“You ruined me!” Mentor wailed as nurses put their arms on him and tried to get him off Kit. “You ruined me! You destroyed me!”
“I—” Kit began but cut himself off, no words ready to flow from his lips in his defence.
“Mentor we need you to calm down and let go of Kit,” one of the nurses said.
Mentor shook his head, angry tears bubbling up on the side of his eyes. “You have some nerve showing up here, Omen. I would recognise you anywhere.”
“What?” Kit asked, breathless. His voice coming out so broken, choked. The nurses grabbed Mentor’s wrists and pried him off of Kit.
“Kit, you have to go. I’m sorry.”
“I—”
“Kit, I know it’s very distressing but please.”
He didn’t even look for the nurse who asked him to go. He just left in a stupor.
“Monster! Monster! You’re letting him go! I’LL FIND YOU ONE DAY, OMEN!” Mentor screamed, his voice echoing down the hall all the way to Kit’s ears. Kit flinched at the horrid sound of it, too broken and crazed and angry. “MONSTER! MONSTER! YOU’RE LETTING HIM GO!”
Kit flinched as a hand hit his shoulder. “Oh sorry, Kit.”
Kit turned to face a nurse who had a sad, pitying smile on her face. He was a little numb to it, he didn’t even smile back. “I just want to say he does that with us all,” he said kindly. “He calls us all Omen, and I know it must be shocking to hear it.”
Kit cleared the lump in his throat. “How… uh, how is he?”
“His lucid moments are getting longer, stronger, he remembers more.”
“And these moments?”
The pity in the nurse’s eyes said it all. “Longer, stronger, he’s… well, you saw him.”
Kit nodded because he didn’t trust his voice to speak. He gestured to the door, and cleared his throat and the Nurse nodded. “Yeah, I’ll let you go. Just… just don’t ruminate on it, Kit. That’s not him, that’s not the Mentor you know.”
Yeah, Kit thought, and even his thoughts sounded heartbroken to his ears. I know.
That was the real cruelty of what Ambrose did to Mentor. He took away everything that was Mentor, that made him the number one Hero, a father figure, an older brother. Omen sucked all his goodness out and replaced it with his own sick poison to try and diminish Mentor to nothing but a raving lunatic that had to be locked in a psych ward for his own safety.
When he walked out into the fresh air, Kit threw up in the nearest bin because: that could have been him. Ambrose could any day decide that he’s bored of Kit and then melt his mind like he did to Mentor, he could do it with a simple thought. Destroy him…
No, the nurse was right. Mentor isn’t gone. He isn’t destroyed, Ambrose missed that part even though it’s probably what he wanted. The lucid Mentor Kit hugged and laughed with and grew up with, that was Mentor. Ambrose didn’t destroy Mentor, and he wouldn’t destroy Kit either.
Kit ditched the idea of going back to his shitty apartment where Ambrose was no doubt waiting for him, or possibly waiting for him which was worse.
Kit’s mind went back to the rules and he smirked.
You can’t move apartment.
Ambrose never said anything about moving back home. Technically, Kit wasn’t even moving. He had some clothes back home, he could just relax there for a while. Take a load off. He wasn’t moving anywhere.
He stopped into the shop to grab some groceries before taking the metro back to his real home. Kit and Mentor’s home. It was a nice house, not too big or too small.
Kit remembers when he saw it for the first time, he thought it was huge and too much. The lawn was perfectly mowed, Mentor telling Kit that they would need to plant some flowers or something to cheer it up a little. The hedges around the wall surrounding it made it feel so warm and cosy.
Now the grass was overgrown, the flowers dead, the hedges needed a good chop. Kit frowned as he stared at the house, the stone walls with their big windows that they would throw open in the summer. It was so strange that Mentor wasn’t here with him.
If he was he would rock up beside Kit and pat his back, tell him: “it just needs a bit of work and a bit of love.”
With the drab Autumn weather, the house had an eerie glow to it, like it knew Mentor wasn’t coming home too. That suited him fine, maybe Kit and the house could find some comfort in each other.
He opened the heavy wooden door, the sound of the familiar lock clacking open took, what felt like, a tonne weight off of Kit’s shoulders. It smelled the same way it always did, he couldn’t quite put a name to it, but it smelled like home.
The first thing he needed to do was put on the heat cause fuck it was cold in here. He deposited the groceries on the kitchen island and his keys before waking to the utility room and pressing the heat on.
Please have some heat, please have some heat.
With a click and a whirr the heat came on and Kit silently thanked Mentor and his need to over-prepare for everything, because what if it gets cold in summer. LBetter to have it than want it.
Kit put the groceries away, almost robotically. He wasn’t hungry so he didn’t eat. He clicked the kettle on and grabbed his favourite mug, plopping in four teaspoons of coffee. Then switched the kettle off and left his mug on the countertop.
He turned, crossed his arms over his chest and leaned his lower back against the counter, worrying his bottom lip.
He didn’t really want to do anything.
He didn’t remember what it was like to want something.
Well… he did, he just didn’t— he had wanted to not be in pain. He wanted to not be around Ambrose, but after that? He kind of forgot what it was like to have a life of his own. What it was like to live before Ambrose had taken him and tortured him.
He—
He rolled his eyes and let out an audible, frustrated groan. He should go to bed, or, catch up on all the sports he missed. At least then when he saw Mentor again he would be able to tell him about the most recent updates instead of months old information.
Kit walked to the living room and settled down into his favourite seat on the sofa, fighting everything in him not to glance over to Mentor’s empty seat. It’s not like ignoring the seat made him feel any better, he still had that aching, gnawing in his chest that made everything feel a little wrong. A little off.
His phone buzzed in his pocket while he was flipping mindlessly through the sports channels, none of the programs catching his interest or attention at all. Did he really used to watch TV for fun? He could always look up the results or whatever, but it wasn’t really the same. He pulled out his phone, and stared down at the lock screen.
A text from Ambrose lit up the screen. Two simple words, that filled Kit with an unreasonable amount of anger. It hadn’t even been a day yet without the bastard there to torment him. He couldn’t even go a day without gloating.
Ambrose: Miss me yet? :)
Kit turned his phone off. It was dramatic, but it made him feel a little better. As if Kit was the one in control and not the other way around. Kit sighed and threw the phone onto the couch, leaving it there as he turned on off the TV and stood.
Today was just… too much of everything and anything and maybe, just maybe, if he slept tomorrow when he woke up he’d feel a little less like a zombie. A little more human. The idea pushed him towards his bedroom, ascending the stairs with heavy feet.
*~*~*~*~*
Continued here
Orphanage roll-call (lmk if you wanna be added or removed): @beatenbruisedandbloody @404lunar1216 @whumpyworld @nameless-beanie @andithewhumper r @annablogsposts @whumpasaurus101 @0eggdealer @rejectedbytheempty @sleepy-pearl @n3rv0usn0v4 @whumpatize-me-captain @sunshiline-writes @burningkittypoet @honeyed-euphrates @sacredwrath @theonewithallthefixations @acer-gaysimpstuff @m3rakii @xxgalgurlxx @princess-bubble-blossom @blood-enthusiast t @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @andtheysaidspeaknoww @dutifullykrispyland @mononeigbour
#intoxicating fear#intoxicating#fear#whump series#whump writing#whump story#psych ward#emotional whump#hero villain writing#hero villain snippet#hero villain story#hero#writing#villain#hero whumpee#villain whumper#intelligent villain#sadistic villain#intelligent whumper#cruel whumper#sadistic whumper#traumatised whumpee#mind corruption#mind control#tw psych ward#exhausted hero#tired hero#creative writing#writeblr
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Your sick little head, so brain damaged and lying in that hospital bed.
This art means a lot to me. It isn’t as rendered or polished as my other work, but I want it to look scrappy, messy, and still pretty. If you’d like to just read about the style and story of the art unrelated to myself, feel free to skip this section.
Last week I mentioned being in the hospital and the psych ward, and while I wont give extreme details, it was for an overdose. Recently after getting out I’ve been trying to act like nothing happened and it’s all going to go back to normal, but this is the 3rd time I’ve done it or been on the edge of it. Just last week I had to get rid of two of my cats just after I’d been discharged and that on top of the trauma of the whole situation I’ve just felt strangely empty. Overdoses don’t just come and go like that. The mental effects aside from whatever you took linger and hurt more than anything. “I’m doing better” really just means I’m not about to do it again, but those feelings are still stored somewhere deep inside me. For this specific piece I wanted to describe that feeling and wonder of “How would anyone feel if they found me? What will they do after?”
People don’t talk about Molly nearly as much as I think they should, but it’s understandable given that she has no set substance yet. For that reason I have made my own. The biggest thing I’ve mentioned before—in my Angel Dust headcanon post—is that I believe Molly is the one that found Anthony after he overdosed and called 911. The rest of his family was likely a bit worried, but I don’t think any of them cared as much as she did. Another headcanon of mine is that Anthony and Molly had matching rings with “AN” & “MO” engraved onto them. Molly sold her ring to pay for Anthonys funeral after his passing in the hospital and now wears Anthonys as replacement on her index finger which she eventually takes to heaven with her.
I don’t imagine she was able to visit him very often while he was in a coma but she still did when she could and would talk to him in hopes he could hear her a little bit before he left. It’d take a bit of a tangent but when sinners enter hell, in my mind entering hell takes as long as it did to die. So for Anthony it likely took him a week to a month to die during his coma from complications, and in turn, it took that same amount of time for him to full wake up in hell. Sinners to me are made and formed out of the ground in hell and wake up in a similar location to where they died. Angel Dust would’ve woken up alone in a hospital while his sister was now left alone and Anthony’s body likely already buried by then.
These are reasons why I included forget-me-nots and sweet peas as taped on decals. Their meanings being “Please don’t forget me” and “Goodbye, thank you for a wonderful time.” respectively. I also added the “M” wax seal over one of the sweet peas because I feel that it’s a sentiment that Molly held close to her heart and still does.
Molly’s body is torn from pink paper while Angel’s is blue paper. I intended for these to somewhat be seen as hands, like how the pink paper wraps over the forget-me-not when the blue paper lays beneath it to show Molly’s attempt to hold onto the memory of her brother while Angel is trying to remember his own life yet is unaware of what is happening to his sister now; unaware if she’s alive or not due to his poor keeping of time. Angel is also a scrap of paper glued above Molly’s hands to pretty genuinely symbolise they’re both in different dimensions now and can’t fully be apart of the same without the help of an external force. I also wanted to include more jumping spider elements so I’d like to think the string holding the tears is silk. Jumping spiders leave silk behind incase they fall so they can climb back up and when you put that in the form of a mentality I think Molly would fit into that very well.
I really hope we see more of Molly and I hope she had a good life and can see her brother again. Of course, she is a fictional character, but I can’t imagine the trauma she’s experienced in her life even without my personal headcanons. I love Molly a lot and just from how I personally interpret her she reminds me a lot of my mother.
Hopefully you can enjoy my ramblings and craze about these funny little spiders. 🩷
#hazbin hotel#hazbin angel dust#hazbin angel#angel dust hazbin hotel#angel dust hazbin#angel hazbin hotel#angel dust#molly dust#molly hazbin hotel#hazbin molly#molly hazbin#hazbin hotel rewrite#hazbin critical#hazbin hotel criticism#hazbin hotel critical#anti vivziepop#anti hazbin#tw overdose#cw overdose#tw vent#tw sui implied#tw sui talk#tw sui attempt#tw suicide#cw sui attempt#my art#tw psych ward#cw psych ward
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Hot take but idc what the DSM 5 says. It exists as the foundation of the psych system that incarcerates mentally ill and mad people. I respect people’s right to self identify.
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You look absolutely gorgeous, especially in that dress! And the pictures are absolutely beautiful…
Genuinely those pictures made me a little weepy, to see such pictures from someone who is like me, in terms of having BPD, makes me a little more hopeful for love and the future
Awe I’m so glad, anon!
I spent a lot of years struggling. I ended up in the psych ward multiple times. Attempted to end everything more than once. Hated everything. Thought nothing was worth it. I was so angry at the world. And at everyone. I’d lash out and accuse my loved ones of not caring. People kept leaving me because of how I was. I’d have breakdowns almost daily and in some cases, multiple times a day. And everything felt so dark and hopeless.
I am sharing this because I want to talk about how things can get better! And there is hope! There is so much hope!
Stuff isn’t perfect now but I’m overall happy. I haven’t attempted to end my life for 6 years or been in the psych ward! I haven’t self harmed for 7. I have a wonderful dog who is my world. I have a loving husband who goes above and beyond for me even more so than the most romantic men from romance movies.I have a best friend who my friendship with outshines even the best friendships in movies/shows. (Yes, even Sam and Frodo). And while I still have bad days, I am able to handle those bad days in a lot healthier ways which makes them not spiral as bad.
People don’t leave me anymore because I’ve learned to communicate in healthy ways and foster healthy relationships. Now friendships end because I realize they aren’t for me. Things like people taking advantage of my compassion and stuff like that. Which means I also stand up for myself and feel comfortable ending friendships because I’m not so scared I’ll be alone. I used to tolerate a lot of bad friendships because I was so desparte for friends.
Sometimes things do feel dark but I also understand that it’s temporary and things will be good again.
Sorry for the long ramble but I wanted to express that things were so terrible for me and now they aren’t. Things can get better. It takes a lot of work but it’s so worth it. And I’m happy.
I believe you can have a happy future, anon. I really do.
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Why would the hospital take everything from someone there for suicidal ideation. Like, ah, yes, let's make the kid who wants to kill themself have nothing to do but think about how to do it
#psych unit#tw suicide ment#tw psych ward#haha i had my second psych unit visit on two months#my meds were changed up#zoloft#abilify#trazodone
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So, y'know how I always talk about how Ades has these really traumatizing nightmares about being locked in a mental hospital almost every night?? Well, even if the theme does slightly vary between nights, naturally, I thought I'd still describe how they usually go:
(TW: chains, psychiatric ward, gore, angst, trauma)
Somnum Exterreri
Pleiades slowly opened his eyes, everything was blurry and.... sideways? His mind was fuzzy, sounds were muffled, until his vision finally cleared up a bit, but he still didn't have the strength to get up. What the Hell was going on?
He groaned in fatigue and slight aching, when he finally realized the huge trail of golden blood splattered across the ground, coming straight from his head.
The mere sight of the liquid was apparently enough to alarm him, as he, despite his condition, jolted up, now sitting. He placed two of his hands to the side of his cranium, gently rubbing it to explore the source of the pain and bleeding. He exhaled:
"..h..uh..?....h..ow...?.....wh...a...t...?..." his slurred speech sounded out his thoughts.
But before any other questions could come to mind, he was alerted by the steps of two mysterious guards coming towards him. It was then he realized he was in an almost empty cell. The only other things near him were chains and cuffs scattered all across the ground. He didn't know what was going to happen, but, still confused, his mind told him to run. Immediately.
A sense of dread washed over him, as he swiftly got up and tried to make an escape,
One step, two steps, three--
He hit something, someone. A guard held him tight while the other grabbed his hand and sliced the skin bare with an unfamiliar blade. He yelped in pain, but was quickly shut up by a sudden stab in the stomach; he, agasp, could barely manage to stifle whimpers of agony and shock, as the other guard then picked up the sample of blood from his hand with a cotton swab and placed it in a container, before nodding to the other guard and walking away. The latter quickly pushed him back in the cell, making him once again hit his head on the walls, stunning him; they closed the cuffs on his hands, one by one, and wrapped the bigger chain all around his torso, still bleeding from the stab wound. Pleiades was trapped and scared, now chained to the ground, he got up, and was quickly pushed back down. Why was this even happening? His questions were soon answered by the passing of multiple stretches down the corridors. Had he really snapped? Who did he hurt? Where were all the others?? They couldn't possibly have been...
The guard looked down at him in disgust, then said something through the radio device he had in his pocket:
"Yeah, Demigod's locked up. Analyze the blood samples and prepare for lobotomy."
His eyes widened, loud and fast palpitations followed; Ades was terrified. As the guard left the cell, he got back up and pushed his body forward, trying to pry himself free from the fetters and shackles, instead, hurting himself even more. Tears now streaming down his face, he pleaded:
"NO!!!! DON'T LEAVE!!!!! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE!!!!!!! LET ME GO!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
his cries were ignored as he kept on struggling, to no avail.
Pleiades had a sharp intake of air, before coughing out a few sobs and giving in. He bellowed.
#hhhh this is so bad AGSSHSHDBSJDJDJSH#kirby ocs#sir pleiades#tw nightmares#tw mental hospital#tw psych ward#tw screaming#tw blood#tw gore mention#tw gore#tw medical procedure#tw angst#tw chains
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TW: VENT ABOUT PSYCH ESTABLISHMENT TRAUMA
Me: Yeah I first developed an eating disorder at 5 and I still have remnants and relapses to this day
Psych nurses: LMFAO that’s so funny it’s like you completely let yourself go-from anorexic to obese (I was never anorexic)
Me: please help me im hearing a voice that’s not real and he’s telling me to kill myself. I think when I get home I’ll find the knives and medicine and double kill myself
Psych nurses: your hour of isolation isn’t over yet go back or we’ll lock you into the padded room
Me: Can I have underwear? I think I might get a yeast infection
Psych hospital: no we don’t feel like it
Me: I feel great! I’d rate my mood a ten! No, an eleven! I see the man and he’s always telling me to hurt myself but it won’t work because im actually a god! Yes, I can feel the demons I’ve sent to hell grabbing onto me through the floor but I worn die because im unable to! I could do anything, kill anyone!
Psych doctor: well you sound fine *sends me home*
And so much more :/
#🧩#did alter#endos dni#tw psych ward#psych critical#psych trauma#psych abuse#pro psychology anti psych establishment#psych ward trauma#medical trauma#medical neglect#medical abuse
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This is how I feel rn
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BPD + OSDD CULTURE IS GETTING VIOLENTLY FAKECLAIMED BY YOUR OWN MOTHER AND FATHER AND BEING THREATENED WITH A 72-HR ADMISSION TO THE FUCKING WARD BECAUSE YOU CAME OUT AS PLURAL VIA UNMASKING , AND IT PISSES YOU OFF SO MUCH YOU BASICALLY COMPLETELY BLACK-SPLIT ON THEM AND NO LONGER WANNA LIVE IN THIS HOUSE ANY LONGER THAN YOU HAVE TO OUT OF NECESSITY .
THIS COMBINED WITH THE FACT THAT OUR TWO PARTNER SYSTEMS ARE LIVING TOGETHER NOW , AND ARE STILL GETTING COZY WITH EACH OTHER WHILE WE'RE MILES AWAY , UNABLE TO SHARE THAT AFFECTION , AND YOU'VE GOT ME BEING FRONTSTUCK FOR DAYS AND EXPERIENCING A FRUITY EMOTIONAL COCKTAIL OF " BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS DISORDER EPISODE : THE WORST IT'S EVER BEEN " .
GOD . PLEASE . JUST PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY . I'M LITERALLY JUST A FUCKING BUNNYGIRL K-ANGEL FICTIVE . I'M NOT BUILT TO SURVIVE THE HORRORS LIKE THIS :(
I WANNA GO HOME TO MY PARTNERS. PLEASE . ANYTHING TO GET AWAY FROM HERE . </3
— 🎙🌠🎀
.
#i'm sorry op :(#bpd + osdd culture is#bpd + osdd culture#bpd + osdd#borderline culture is#borderline personality disorder#bpd#bpd culture is#bpd culture#bpd safe#actually borderline#actually bpd#osdd#osdd system#typing quirk#< tagging so if you dont wanna see it ya won't#tw psych ward#cw psych ward#- 🎙🌠🎀
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Can we talk about the fact that my old psych ward used to play psych2go videos like wtf
for context i am disabled and find a lot of their videos really disgusting, especially when mulitple patients in that place genuily belived things like "adhd comes from to much screen time" and shit like that
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literally the only reason i didnt hang myself in the psych ward bathroom or put a wash cloth over the drain and drown myself or drink the ink from my sharpie markers is because i didnt want them to remove the doors for the next person and take away even more of their freedom and privacy
#i only stayed alive so the next person wouldnt suffer even more.#just because i didnt do it doesnt mean it wouldnt happen.#not sorry but trying to prevent people to kill themselves is like..dystopia behavior.#cant have a potential employee or consumer being taken off the map! capitalism would crumble!!!#it's why socialist countries usually have assisted suicide. they genuinely do not see humans as something#the government is owed.#cw suicide#tw suicide#anti psych#cw psych ward#tw psych ward#anti psychiatry
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