#this has been in my drafts forever but i think its time to post
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ੈ✩‧₊˚ TALES OF CANDOR (LN4)
pairing: lando norris x f!author!reader
summary: lando’s girlfriend has a secret identity. she’s not quite the girl next door everyone assumed, and he might just be the inspiration for more than just her instagram captions.
warnings: some hate comments
* faceclaim: mélanie, aka wailcester on ig (please imagine her as you see fit)
ੈ✩‧₊˚ landonorris just posted a photo
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landonorris some days @ home
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user i hope ur enjoying ur time off!
user no hate but like what does his gf actually do?
user literally nothing she’s jobless💀
user it’s giving🏅👷♀️
user lando i love u but half naked pics of ur girl isn’t helping how much we dislike her…
user what’s she reading!!!
yourusername a thousand splendid suns by khaled hosseini!!
user ofc u are. i totally believe u acc read well written books. u probably just read gossip columns but want to seem interesting🙄
ੈ✩‧₊˚ musingsofcandor just posted a photo
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musingsofcandor biscuit approves of the final draft🤍
👤 tagged acatcalledbiscuit
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user HELLO??? CANDOR DOES THIS MEAN WE R GETTING A NEW BOOK
user i love that we know more abt candy’s cat than we do her…
user can’t wait to read it🥹🥹
rickriordan has to be my favorite thing you’ve written!
user RICK’S READ IT??? OH YOU KNOW ITS GOOD
user lando norris in the likes he’s just like all of us fr
ੈ✩‧₊˚ yourusername just posted a photo
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yourusername ‘when she finally got the camera film developed, seeing his face made it all come rushing back’🦋🫧🧚🏻
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user im sorry i know we r meant to be supportive but she annoys me sm. is she just living off of lando’s money?
user omg the caption!!!
user i recognise it, where’s it from?
user it’s from ‘tales of peter rourke’ by candor!!!
user 🤢
user we get it… ur dating someone rich. now get a job!
ੈ✩‧₊˚ mclaren interview
[captions:
interviewer: what have you been up to in your break?
lando: a lot of lounging around with my girlfriend. read a few books too!
interviewer: anything good?
lando: i’m really into magical reality at the moment! that kind of it’s all normal till it’s not stuff, you know?
interviewer: any good recommendations?
lando: if you like that same genre, i recommend ‘the right side of upside’ by candor! it’s pretty recent, i finished it last week.]
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user he likes candor??? he’s so real for that
user KNEW I COULD TRUST HIM
user bad taste in women good taste in books
ੈ✩‧₊˚ musingsofcandor just posted a photo
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musingsofcandor thank you for all the love lately on ‘the right side of upside’. insane seeing so many of you recommend it, biscuit and i are eternally grateful. love, candy🤍
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user QUEEN DID YOU SEE LANDO RECOMMENDED IT
user CANDY HAS A MAN???
user love u forever ur so talented
user CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU DO NEXT. CANT BELIEVE WE HAVE TO WAIT NOW
musingsofcandor it might be sooner than you think ;)
user UM. candor is this a soft launch?????
ੈ✩‧₊˚ landonorris just posted a photo
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landonorris got some super helpful race advice today
👤 tagged acatnamedbiscuit, musingsofcandor
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user OH MY GOD MY WORLDS ARE COLLIDING
user LANDO WE NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING IS SHE CUTE I FEEL LIKE SHES CUTE
user break up w ur gf and date candor when
musingsofcandor biscuit says he can’t be held responsible for the outcome🐾
landonorris can i hold you responsible instead, candy?
user UHHHH WHATS GOING ON HERE
user i just know y/n is feeling THREATENED
ੈ✩‧₊˚ yourusername just posted a photo
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yourusername all mine
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user LMAOOO U STARTED SWEATING HUH
user candor could steal ur man if she really wanted to
user GIRL YOU’RE SO OBVIOUS
landonorris yours🖤
user STOP LYINGGGG
ੈ✩‧₊˚ an exclusive interview with candor : entertainment weekly
interviewer: so candor! tell us how it really feels having the world at your feet!
candor: [laughing] honestly quite normal! it’s a blessing and a curse, really, not having my identity revealed. i get to live my life without those pressures, but i don’t get to see anyone and thank them for reading!
interviewer: do you ever get the urge to approach someone reading one of your books?
candor: all the time! whenever i go browsing in book stores and see someone looking at or buying mine, i have such a temptation to scream THANK YOU at them!
interviewer: do you see a future in which you reveal your identity?
candor: maybe! there are a few of my fans who know who i am, those who attend the secret events and signings, but i’m very lucky that they all respect my privacy and haven’t shared anything further. perhaps one day soon i’ll finally let everyone in on the secret.
interviewer: and we can’t talk to you and not bring up your cat — or rather, who your cat met the other day…?
candor: oh! i’m assuming you mean lando norris? yes! he’s a pretty good friend of mine, he’s been a big support over the last few years and we found some time in our schedules last week to meet up.
interviewer: so you’re a formula 1 fan?
candor: huge fan! i’m a big mclaren girl so lando and i met through their events!
interviewer: oh fantastic! see folks reading this, she really is just like us!
ੈ✩‧₊˚ yourusername just posted a photo
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yourusername cars going vroom vroom makes my heart go boom boom
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user lmao posting before and after candor’s interview. girl ur not subtle.
user im so sorry but ur clearly so threatened it’s hilarious
user i don’t get all the hate in here??? she’s just in love n happy?
user shes a gold digger
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ੈ✩‧₊˚ musingsofcandor just posted a photo
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musingsofcandor told you it wouldn’t be long🫧 ‘thomasin jeffe, the cat, and the diplomat’ will be with you next friday. a lot of love poured into this one over the past few years, i just couldn’t wait any longer to give it to you🤍
already a member on my website? check your emails🦋
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user WHDHSJSJSJSJS
user OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING
user THE EMAILLLLL🥹
user candy omg where do you live that looks so pretty!!!!
musingsofcandor monaco !!
landonorris 🖤
user lando using the black heart and candor using the white… i’m sorry to his gf (not really) but they’re meant to be
ੈ✩‧₊˚ user just posted a photo
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user the best day of my life!!! thank you so much candor for being the absolute sweetest human and taking time to talk to each and every one of us! i cannot wait to read thomasin jeffe, the cat, and the diplomat🥹🤍
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user YOU MET HERRRRE???
user WHO IS SHE TELL TELL TELL
user candor asks us not to share her identity so i’m gonna respect that but LET ME TELL YOU I WAS SHOCKED
user i recognise her from just that inch of her face but i can’t tell whERE FROM
musingsofcandor it was WONDERFUL to meet you! i hope you enjoy the story🤍
user wish people on twitter were as kind as this,,, there’s photos of her going around :/
ੈ✩‧₊˚ f1wags just posted a photo
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f1wags the internet has been in PIECES after famous author candor’s recent book signing. photos have emerged of the popular anonymous author from the event, revealing her to be none other than LANDO NORRIS’ GIRLFRIEND, Y/N! turns out, she has a job after all👀 (pictures taken from y/n’s instagram!)
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user i… cannot believe this
user see. when y’all were hating on her you were secretly worshipping her
user @ everyone who was an arse to y/n… KARMA IS A BITCH!
user WHAT????
user HOLY SHIT LANDO HAS BEEN DATING MY FAV AUTHOR THIS WHOLE TIME????
ੈ✩‧₊˚ yourusername just posted a photo
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yourusername well. the secrets out. it’s been a long few years, but it’s nice to not have to hold it in any more.
both my accounts will remain active for separate purposes, but i’m excited to be able to introduce you to candor as she is in her whole truth — just like her name suggests🤍
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user ironically this is exactly how i picture marian elsie from thomasine jeffe looking. full fairy
user i am. so sorry. so so so sorry. i know nothing can ever compare for the things we said but i really am
yourusername thank you. no hard feelings on my end🤍
ੈ✩‧₊˚ landonorris just posted a photo
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landonorris my candy. it may not have been how you intended, but i’m glad i get to show off how proud of you i am.
i’ve watched you as both candor and y/n for a while now, and i love both versions of you entirely. i cannot wait to see what you do now you have the freedom to be whoever you want to.
and hey, pretty cool to be able to say i’m the inspiration behind some of your characters, huh?🖤
ps. so glad i can finally share photos of mY CAT. even if he does hate me biscuit is MINE as well
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user love the clarification that the most important thing to lando is sharing photos of his cat😭😭
user MORE PICS OF BISCUIT PLEASE
user i’ve always been in love with her i can say that confidently
user oh so you’re a successful fanboy
yourusername biscuit told me to tell u ur smelly for using him for likes
landonorris you literally said to me omg i can post about biscuit now YOU FEEL THE SAME DONT LIE
ੈ✩‧₊˚ musingsofcandor just posted a photo
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musingsofcandor i’ve had a bit of inspiration for some time🤍
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user MOM AND DAD
user i can’t believe this. my worlds are colliding
user I KNEW CAPTAIN ROURKE FELT FAMILIAR IN THE TALES OF PETER ROURKE
user i can’t believe my fav ever love interest is based on lando….
landonorris i love you. thanks for immortalising me🖤
————
a/n: hello hello! another one whilst i recover!
so this was based on an anon request and i have had so much fUN writing it!!!! whilst i don’t normally do requests generally due to being overwhelmed easily, this one stood out to me as i Love books so i was inspired. to the anon who requested, i hope this is what you imagined🤍
in terms of further requests! whilst i can’t promise i’ll do them, if you have any pressing ideas you think would work with my style , do feel free to send them in ! i always love to hear your ideas (and any thoughts on my works!! please send feedback as well!!) and will try gradually to get through some🤍
fun fact: all the book titles are based on actual books i have written hehe
fun fact pt2: yes her pseudonym is chosen bc i watched divergent last night
taglist (found in pinned post): @idkiwantchocolatee @vellicora @alessioayla @bborra @crimeshowjunkie @minkyungseokie @paolexsstuff @celestialpato @champagnelovers101 @loxbbg @hobiismyhopeu @tsukishitm-a @moonypixel @champagneproblems17 @ironmaiden1313 @lqvesoph @sunflower-golden-vol6 @six-call @skatingiswalkingincursive @peqch-pie @m0cha-bunny @woozarts @he6rtshaker @iluvvmeeee @goldenalbon @izzy-marvel @lucyysthings @lichterfee @tallrock35
#f1 x reader#f1#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#lando norris au#mclaren#lando norris blurb#lando norris scenario#lando norris one shot#lando norris smau
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give us some dbf!hotch i’m begging 😫😫
A Little Help
Warnings: Smut, dbf!hotch, oral (fem receiving), slight sir kink, pet names, vaginal fingering, gagging, masturbation (male and female), Hotch sends you a nude photo 🤭, age gap (both are consenting adults), not proofread, I think that's all!
Word count: 1.2k
Pairing: dbf!hotch x fem!reader
A/n: I've got some dbf!hotch in my drafts that I have yet to finish but maybe I can do a little something real quick 🤭.
Forever tags: @greg-montgomery @boredelle @hotchsdoormat @ssahotchnerr @criminalskies @beardedhotchh @hotchnerbau @ssamorganhotchner @mrs-ssa-hotch @canuck-eh @luvehotch @callm3c0nfus3d @ivyflowers13 @randomuserrs
Hotch: @14buddy22 @pastanoodles11 @htchnr
Let me know if you want to be added to my tags 🫶
This post is nsfw minors DNI****
You are in your bedroom when the party starts and you're having some trouble finishing yourself off so you can hurry up and get downstairs. Aaron had been on your mind and it was creating a problem between your legs that you couldn't ignore no matter how hard you tried, but once you got your hand between your thighs it seemed like you just couldn't quite get there. Not without help anyway.
You could hear the noise downstairs as the party your parents were throwing started to get a little louder and you could tell there were plenty of people there to distract your parents from your absence.
You continue to rub your clit as you try to bring yourself over the edge but it seems like every single time you might be getting closer, your body doesn't let you get there and it's more than frustrating for you. A few more minutes of this continue and you sigh at the frustration. It's right then that your bedroom door opens and you jump in surprise and move to cover yourself but you stop when you see Aaron walk through the door with a smirk on his face as he closes it behind him.
"Aaron!" You whisper shout at him and he chuckles a little as he sees what you've been up to. "So this is what's keeping you from the party? I'll have to come up with a different excuse for your parents. They asked about you but I think they're distracted by the new guests that keep talking their ears off." He stands there with that smirk and his arms crossed over his chest as he looks you over and you just lay there frozen as you look back at him. Your hand is still between your thighs but it has stopped its movements.
"You sounded frustrated before I came in, princess. Do you need some help?" His voice sends more arousal straight to your core and you lick your lips before nodding. He smiles and climbs on the bed and you instinctively spread your legs for him. Aaron situates himself between your thighs now and swats your hand away from yourself. He kisses and nibbles on the insides of your thighs, licking them and sucking on them.
Finally he gets his face right where you need it and he licks up some of your slick from your folds which immediately pulls a groan from him, thankfully it's muffled by your dripping cunt. The vibrations feel like heaven and you let your head fall back against your pillow as your hands tangle in his hair to keep him in place.
Soon enough Aaron is lapping at you. It's been a few weeks since he's tasted you and you've both missed it. He has felt starved from you and it is clear to you as he eats you out like he's desperate for it. His tongue flicks your clit and you moan at the sensation but a quick slap to your thigh quiets you down.
"Keep it down, princess. I love your sounds but right now we have to be quiet, okay? Can you do that for me, baby?" Aaron plants a soft chaste kiss on your aching bud and you whimper at him but nod. "Yes, sir." Another kiss. "Good girl." He moves his tongue to your hole and starts thrusting it in and out of you and he moans into your cunt as he gets a better taste of what he's been missing the last few weeks.
You have to cover your mouth with your hand when Aaron brings his hand up and starts rubbing your clit with his thumb as he continues to lap at your pussy. He quickly brings you your first and much needed orgasm of the night which causes another moan to slip from your lips but he lets it go for now so he can ride you through your high.
As soon as you finish, Aaron reaches for your lace underwear and grabs your mouth. He stuffs the fabric in and you look at him with wide eyes.
"You can't keep yourself quiet so we had to fix that." He quickly moves back down and wastes no more time before pushing two of his thick digits into your throbbing core. He brings his mouth back to your clit and starts licking and sucking and flicking it in a way that has you closing in on your second orgasm faster than you would have thought possible after how long it was taking you to just get your first one earlier by yourself.
Aaron pulls his mouth away briefly to speak. "Come on, angel. Be a good girl and soak my fingers. I know you can do it." As soon as he gets his mouth back on your sensitive bundle of nerves, your second orgasm crashes through you and you are both thankful for the underwear that is muffling your moans.
As soon as you come down from your second high, Aaron ceases his movements and pulls the underwear from your mouth. "I would love to stay and cuddle you but need to get dressed and get downstairs before someone else comes up to find you. And I need to go take care of this." Aaron gestures to his throbbing cock that is currently pressed against your hip.
You nod and he helps you up before handing the underwear back to you. You don't take it though. Instead, you push his hand back towards him. "Use it to get off. I have plenty of others." You smile at him and he just grins at you. When he kisses your lips you can taste yourself on them and it nearly makes you say 'fuck it' and decide to stay but you know you can't take any longer to join the party. So you reluctantly pull away and dress yourself as you move with wobbly legs.
"I'll see you downstairs then?" You ask him and he gets a little shy as he blushes and nods. "Yeah, in a few minutes. Tell them I had to use the toilet if they ask where I am." You nod your head and kiss him again, palming his member through the fabric as you do and he moans against your lips but you pull away and he sighs. "Okay, go before I change my mind and keep you up here with me. We can have more fun later but right now you really need to make an appearance at the party." You kiss him one last time before walking over to the door.
"Have fun, Aaron. Send me a photo. I want to see your cock wrapped up in my underwear as you get off with them." You wink at him and grin more which only makes him blush even more. He nods and you finally leave the room to join the party which you can't even remember the purpose of. Sure enough, a few minutes later you hear your phone chime and you sneak a glance at it to see a picture from Aaron. His large hand and your soaked underwear wrapped around his dick as he strokes himself in your room. It nearly makes you moan but you manage to suppress it and focus on the party once again.
You know you'll both be having some more fun later. You'll coincidentally have plans and have to leave shortly after Aaron does. And then you'll end up in his bed as he pounds into you and your moans will fill his ears as his fill yours.
#anon🩶#aaron hotchner#hotch#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner x fem!reader#aaron hotchner x female!reader#aaron hotchner x you#hotch x reader#hotch x fem!reader#hotch x female!reader#hotch x you#aaron hotchner smut#hotch smut#dbf!hotch#dbf!aaron hotchner#mon answers🩷#hotch🌜
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helpless - GR63
pairings: george russell x hamilton!ensemble!reader (fc: ella kora)
summary: george ends his softlaunch with a cast member of hamilton on the westend
authors note: sorry for not posting in forever but ive had no motivation and i cant find the want to finish some of my drafts so have a brand new smau thats been BREWING in my brain ever since i saw hamilton the other week. its literally one my favorite musicals so you know i had to incorporate my two interests, you dont need to have seen hamilton or know about the story for this!
important: rg63 is george’s private instagram
masterlist
georgerussell63
liked by alex_albon, yourusername and 366,450 others
water, sports and sunsets☀️
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user7 shirtless george is back!!
user10 hes so…
user45 THE SOFTLAUNCH HAS TO END SOON RIGHT😭😭
user12 i miss when george wouldnt make me feel single every post😔
yourusername oh myyy🫠
yourusername
liked by jakeh_j, lilymhe and 235 others
smiles (mostly) all round this summer☀️
tagged: rg63 and jakeh_j
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rg63 miss you darling🤍
yourusername miss you too love💜
jakeh_j dinner soon?
yourusername yes!! g is coming to a show soon so we can do it then :)
jakeh_j sounds good👍
user6 cant wait to see you in hamilton!
yourfriend cutie🫶
georgerussell63 and alex_albon have added to their stories
yourusername ahhh cant wait to see you all💜
f1updates
liked by user72, user1 and 2367 others
george, alex and lily with fans today in london
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user1 im the one in the third photo, they were in a rush as they had to go to the theatre but they were all so sweet and took the time to sign a hat i had!
user10 was anyone else with them?
user1 there wasnt! i dont think george was with his girlfriend but she could’ve been waiting for them somewhere else☺️
user72 idk why them going to the theatre together is funny but it is😭
user5 right?? it feels so random😭
user53 i can’t believe they watched hamilton before me
georgerussell63
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i have been with you since the beginning of your incredible journey of living out your dream of being in the west end. i know how much getting this part in hamilton meant to you and getting to see you on stage brings me so much joy, forever proud of you darling🤍
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yourusername george☹️i will love you forever and ever thank you soso much for being by my side💜
yourusername you have no idea how happy it makes me to know you are in the crowd
alex_albon thanks for being my friend so lily can see her favorite musical😁
georgerussell63 yeah no worries man👊
yourusername alex i hope you know its me she loves to see, not hamilton🤨
alex_albon your wrong.
lilymhe shes very much correct🫶
user7 WHAT IS HAPPENING
user5 HARD LAUNCH HARD LAUNCH
user25 WAKE UP GEORGE POSTED HER AHHHH user6
user6 OMG I LITERALLY SAW HER THE OTHER DAY😭
user10 this is so cute (im sobbing)
user8 wow the highway is such a good place to stargaze!!
user83 i cannot cope why is this so🫠🫠
lewishamilton 💜💜
yourusername
liked by georgerussell63, lilymhe and 6273 others
i look into your eyes and the skys the limit. georgie my love for you is timeless, each day i think about how lucky i am to have you by my side and how lucky i am to get to be the one to love you. you have changed the way i view the world and myself and my life will always be better now youve entered it, and no matter what this chapter in our lives will stick with me forever and always💜
tagged georgerussell63
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georgerussell63 i am so grateful you have come into my life
georgerussell63 i love you so much darling
yourusername i will never stop loving you🫶
lilymhe when will i get posts like this☹️
yourusername yours is next lovely🤭
alex_albon babe?? i post you all the time
lilymhe and yet you havent used a lyric from hamilton🤨
user16 oh i love them so much😭
user45 my😭love😭for😭you😭is😭timeless😭
user12 hahhaa im so happy for you😭😭
jakej_h i hate people in love
yourusername you love us really😁
user9 MY HEART CANNOT TAKE THIS
user7 OH MY GOD GEORGE LOOKS SO GOOD🫠
liked by yourusername and others
user101 george is so boyfriend🤭
user62 that first picture😮💨
user99 they are so in love😭
#george russell x reader#f1 x reader#f1 instagram au#f1 smau#f1 social media au#formula 1 insta au#formula 1 social media au#social media au#george russell imagine#george russell smau#george russell
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the mindset journey
So hi.
My mindset has been evolving a lot ever since I started this journey, and I thought I'd lay it all out in one post. Subliminals, mindless affirming, scripting, visualization, states. I've tried so many things out, and I think I've finally figured out what works for me.
TLDR:
Stop “trying” to manifest or checking the 3d, you already have full results, creation was over like since forever.
Sure you know that you’re God, as the posts and everything you’ve seen tells you, but have you really embraced that internally?
It doesn’t matter how many posts you read, it’s up to you to actually change your mindset.
Logic is literally useless, be delusional (don’t you just wanna go ape-shit :), go get your fucking desires)
Time is not linear, and means nothing when manifesting.
Revision is so powerful, use it.
It’s just so easy guys, please just make sure you’re actually applying the information you see instead of just passively scrolling through.
And the rest is under the cut, happy reading <33
I started off in the subliminal community in Oct 2020 and just had so many limiting beliefs, it was sad. Not to shit on the community or anything, some of them are wonderful people and most of them have changed their mindset as well, but my initial knowledge prevented me from getting to this point until now. But, now I’m here, and a day after I wrote this in my drafts, I literally manifested my ideal life. I originally started this blog to collect advice from loa blogs, but honestly, I don’t need any of it anymore. Though I do like helping people, so if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an ask.
The Initial Mindset:
I always read through countless posts that say “You’re God” and “You literally can get what you want without even trying.” While I understood the text and adopted the mindset, I still did little subconscious things that contradicted it. While I affirmed my self-concept was perfect, I would also cram-study for exams and worry I would fail. I would say I look perfect, but then also worry about the way my body looked. Also, the way that I literally became obsessed with loa media? I spent hours watching Sammy Ingram videos, looping subliminals, and reading tumblr posts on “how to manifest faster and better”. During this phase of my life, my mind was plagued with intrusive thoughts and my self-concept was slowly getting better, but still absolute shit. I would manifest things here and there, but nothing life-changing.
The main problem however, was the fact that I would treat manifesting like a task I HAD to do. Now that school was back in session, I literally would zone out during specific classes on purpose and just affirm to myself. I would feel bad if I hadn’t listened to my subliminal playlist for the day because I “wasted time in getting my desires”. There’s nothing wrong with vainly affirming or listening to subs if you believe it works, but for me, treating manifesting like a task meant that I was looking for an outcome. Clearly, now I know better, that everything is always done and that there’s nothing to complete, but back then, this was probably the main reason why I struggled to see full results easily. I was acting out of desperation and didn't believe manifestation already was done.
When Everything Changed:
I know that it’s different for everyone, but my “aha!” moment was probably when I read this post. Seriously, go read it, it made me realize that I was going about it all wrong. Now, it wasn’t learning how to perfect my manifesting, it was learning to pull out the tiny limiting beliefs that had burrowed its way into my subconscious.
For example,
“I need to do xyz so that I can get my manifestations.”
Why would I would need to do anything if I already have all of my manifestations hmm? It’s literally already done. Like there’s no need to put in that effort into something that’s already perfect right? So why do I need to even need to try? I literally get whatever tf I want without even trying. This doesn’t mean that every method out there is useless, but in the end, you are the one doing the manifesting, not the method.
“But... this makes absolutely no logical sense! How would this even work?”
I know that STEM me loves finding the logic behind everything, so that’s why I struggled a lot with the logic and time aspect. But darling, it doesn’t need to make sense. There are literally so many things in the world that scientists to this day can’t explain, including just how powerful and complex your brain is. Not to mention the fact that concepts such as logic and science are literally man-made too? What’s the point in trying to deal with logic? Just let go and have fun.
“I affirmed so hard, and I believed it. But then it never showed up when the time came.”
First off, your time spent affirming means nothing, sorry to break it to you. It’s about the mindset(your state if you will) you currently exist in that truly makes a difference. And just because it didn’t show up today doesn’t mean that you missed your window of opportunity. Revision is still manifesting, because time is not a linear concept. Anything at any time can just change with a snap of your fingers. You want to change all of your test scores? Bam, it’s done. you wish WW2 never happened? Bam, it’s done. You want to relive the past 5 years of your life? Bam, it’s done. It doesn’t matter what the event is, what time it is, or that you “didn’t do it before the deadline”. Whenever you do get it(which is instant/soon if you're persisting properly), it will be there, seamlessly blended in with your 3d. You don’t need to worry about a damn thing, your subconscious will take care of everything for you.
“Oh no! I just had intrusive thoughts, did I just mess up my manifestations?”
Why are you giving intrusive thoughts the power to do anything? Sure, you may get them, but that doesn’t mean that they have any effect on you. It’s the doubt they make you feel in your mindset that truly messes it up. Don’t give in. Acknowledge the thought, accept that it literally means nothing, and continue to persist. Your thoughts only have the power you give them.
“Nah, everyone has to be lying, this doesn’t seem real.” / ”Manifesting must just be a coincidence, there’s no way this is real.”
Oh? So you’re saying, the amount of posts you’ve seen, all of the success stories, all of the followers and comments, are you saying every single one of them is lying? No. I’m not saying that every single one of them is truthful, but there’s no way that every single one of them would lie and put this much work into something that’s not real. If you find yourself struggling to believe in the law, I’d suggest you try to manifest something small, and then build up your belief from there. I sure as hell didn’t believe in any of this from the beginning, but then, I manifested consciously for the first time. Again, and again. It became easier, and my life got better. It soon becomes apparent that literally everything you think happens. I always used to wonder how things I randomly thought in the back of my head always happened even though I literally didn’t do anything about it in the 3d. This proved to me that your mental state is more powerful than it seems.
“Can I manifest-”
Yes. Just yes. You’re GOD. GOD. Why tf is God asking some random loa account if they can manifest something or not? Ofc God would know that they can manifest whatever the fuck they want instantly. Do you think when God said “Let there be light”, he first asked people around him if he could? No. He took that shit and just fucking ran with it.
“But-but, what if-”
Uh-uh. I don’t want to fucking hear it. Like I said in the previous section, stop overthinking everything you do. Just go. Run with what you already know and manifest the life of your dreams. You don’t need to keep looking for new information, some specific post that changes everything for you. All they can do for you is steer you in the right direction. You’re the one who’s going to have to figure out our mindset and pull yourself together, no one else can do it. Take back your power, embrace it. I don’t care if you unfollow every single loa account or delete tumblr, just stop looking for the next post. Why would you need more information when you already have everything you need?
I wrote down everything I struggled with, forgot about it, and continued to persist in my new mindset. I ignored any negative 3d circumstances, and just vibed in the feeling that my desires were already here, that feeling of contentment someone has when everything in their life is just amazing. The main question I asked myself was, what would a person who had ____ think, and I went from there. Soon the things I wanted just started popping up in my life, just as I knew it would. I feel like the things I’ve said in this post are pretty much the same concepts you see all over loa tumblr, which is why it’s so important that you actively take in the information that’s being given to you and actually apply it. I was obsessed with tumblr and kept on scrolling through countless blogs and posts, and I was only able to fully manifest after I stepped away from all of that. There is no big secret. There’s no miraculous method that will fix everything for you. There’s just... you. And your subconscious. Whatever you tell your subconscious, goes. As simple as that.
How about, instead of scrolling to whatever next loa post you were about to see on this app, you close tumblr and just go live your best life? Don’t overcomplicate it and just do whatever feels natural to you. I hope this post helped, happy manifesting!
-cinna
#self concept#motivation#loa#law of assumption#manifestation#subconscious#success story#mine#mindset#neville goddard#manifesting#loassumption#law of manifestation
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Domesticity ♡ Jonathan Crane (smut)
pairing: Jonathan Crane (Nolan Verse) x Reader
summary: Jonathan really wants to get you pregnant, it takes a little convincing for you to take it seriously.
warnings: somewhat possessive behavior from Crane, talk of pregnancy, smut, female reader, just the usual stuff! also, it's not really a warning, but its a pretty simple fluff-smut fic. It's kind of out of character lol.
a/n: sorry for not posting very often, i've been doing really important stuff and definitely not just rewatching the Sopranos again... anyways, I'll probably start posting again since I'm out of a creative funk and have like a million drafts in my docs right now. thanks!
word count: 1.7k
It was soft and gray outside by the time Jonathan got home. The sky was full of clouds and the house was quiet. He put down his briefcase and untied his shoes as he walked into the quiet apartment he shared with you. He could feel this distinct sense of neediness for you he’s become accustomed to when he has a long day. Something was comforting about you, something he couldn’t place his finger on, but you made him happy. It was what most would consider love, but for him, it was all too new for him to name it.
You were laying on your stomach with your elbows perched on the mattress of your soft bed as you read some book Jonathan had recommended to you. You wouldn’t have noticed Jonathan had returned if he hadn’t dragged your attention from the book laid out in front of you by clearing his throat as he walked into your shared bedroom. You looked up at him with that same doting smile you had whenever you saw him and made your way to him. He glanced over at you as he began to take off his tie but your hands quickly replaced his.
“Wait,” You said as you stood in front of him. “Let me do it.”
“Whatever you want.” He replied as if he was doing you a favor.
Truth be told, he liked your desire to do small things for him. There were little things you did that meant you cared about him, despite how cold and cranky he could be occasionally. He would find his glasses cleaned after going to shower or you would get his favorite suits dry cleaned without him even saying anything about it. All those little acts of domesticity he admired in private. He had his acts of fondness as well, he’d stop and pick you up a small treat on his way home and sometimes if he was feeling especially romantic, he would place a vase and flowers out on the kitchen table for you. There were plenty of silent acts of a proper home life that you both devoted time to.
“How was work?” You asked him once you finished taking off his tie and placed it on the dresser.
“It was fine.” He said before giving you a quick kiss on the forehead.
He hated talking about work with you, it was better to keep it vague and short. Anytime you prodded for more detailed responses he would brush it out with a simple, ‘patient confidentiality.’
“I missed you today.” You softly murmured as you wrapped your arms around him and rested your head on his chest.
“Likewise.” He said while slowly caressing your hair.
It was easy for him to just think about you during these moments, with your warmth enrapturing him in a spiderweb of affection. He could put off his alter ego for a night of your intimacy and during these nights, he often thought about how easy it would be just to enjoy you and enjoy the life you could have together. Seeing you so sweet on him made him want to keep you like this forever, something more binding than just living together.
“Thought about you all day.” He softly murmured against your neck as he pulled you over top of him on the bed.
“Yeah?” You asked with a teasing smile. “What in particular?” You asked.
“Thought about you just like this,” He replied, pulling you closer till there was practically no room between you, chest to chest. “You look so pretty.” He added.
You loved his praise, even the simplest of words made you get butterflies like how you did when you first met him. Knowing he was known as cold and bitter to most made it all the more special to hear him speak so fondly of you. You kissed the side of his neck and let out a content sigh as his hands slipped underneath your shirt and fondled your breasts for a moment. You let your neck fall back as he began to kiss the side of your neck and worked his way to your jaw. His teeth sunk suddenly into your jaw which caused you to hiss.
“I was thinking about another thing too,” He added as he pulled away for a moment. “I kept on thinking about how much prettier you’d look with my come in you.” He mumbled the last bit and it made you blush deeply.
“Jon,” You said with a small smile, your hand grazing his cheek. “We’re not married yet, you already wanna knock me up?”
“Don’t be so old-fashioned,” He said as he quickly maneuvered your body to be under his. “It’s just an idea.” He replied as he buried his face into your neck and began to kiss it with a certain amount of passion.
“I’m not against it.” You said quietly as your hands ran down his shoulders. “Just… Are you serious? That’s a big step for us.”
“Of course, I’m being serious.” He says as he pulls from your neck and gazes at you. “I gave myself a hard-on today just thinking about what’d it be like to see you pregnant with my kid.”
You couldn’t help but smile at the declaration. You always had figured he wasn’t one to even think about settling down, that just didn’t seem like him at all, but here he was, talking about having a child with you.
“Never thought I would hear you say something so affectionate.” You giggled and kissed his cheek.
“Can’t help myself.” He murmured as he kissed your lips and then pulled back. “Maybe I just want to marry you and get you pregnant. Have you here taking care of our kid and being a good little mother.”
He kissed you harder than before, clearly getting worked up over the thought of you as a mother. You didn’t mind the thought he had. It made you feel desired beyond just sexual attraction, to want to procreate meant something deeper than moving in with each other or having a pair of his shoes next to yours in the closet.
“Do you want me to dress up in a pin-up dress and wear pearls too?” You asked with a giggle, to which he bit your lip for.
“Don’t tease.” He reprimanded.
Based on his growing erection, he probably did want you to wear the dress and kitten heels, maybe not all the time but just to take it off. Jonathan got needier as he felt you through your clothes. He took your shorts off and discarded them carelessly before rubbing you through your panties. You grunted and pushed your hips to his hands.
“You do want it,” Jonathan mused as he felt your soaked panties. “You just wanna be a housewife with your cunt full of my come, hm?”
“Jonathan,” You mewled. “Just wanna make you happy.”
“You are making me happy,” He said with a small grin as he slipped his hands underneath the seam of your panties and pumped two fingers into you quickly. “It would make me a lot happier to see you nice and pregnant though.”
Jonathan loved how he barely had to touch you to get you into a whimpering mess underneath him. Your face always flushed into a pretty shade of red and your hands held onto him tightly whenever he gave you his fingers. Little moans and whines escaped your lips, no matter how hard you tried to conceal them. His hands left you for a moment as he took off his belt and then took off your shirt, making another short moan of neediness escape your lips.
“Can I come in you tonight?” He asked as he touched the bottom of your stomach, already imagining a phantom bump. “You’d make a great mother.”
Frantically you nodded, hands falling to his chest and pulling off his shirt. He worked on his pants and tossed them to the floor. You kissed him swiftly once he was as bare as you were and felt him hold your leg by the back of your knee as he teased you with more small pumps of his fingers.
“Tell me you want it as bad as I do, sweetheart.” He told you in a hushed voice.
“I want it,” You replied in a whisper. “Wanna have your baby.”
He didn’t need much confirmation after that. Hastily he moved your legs over his shoulders, knowing this position would let him get deep inside of you. Jonathan lined himself up and slowly filled your cunt up with his cock. You quickly inhaled and grabbed his shoulders for some support as he rocked into you. You moaned and felt tears in your eyes from the pressure in your cunt. He sneaked his hand to clit and rubbed it quickly, making everything seem a tad overwhelming. With your orgasm building sharply, you closed your eyes tightly as your cunt clenched around him, making both of you shiver. His hand kept circling your clit making feel more than overwhelmed at this point.
“That’s it,” He grunted from over the top of you. “Gonna make you a mommy, make you full.”
You inhaled in response, his hips coming down into you faster and faster. A few curses tumbled from your lips as another orgasm approached. Sweat began to form at your temple and once the separate orgasm came and went, your legs trembled.
“I’m so close,” He warned you in a hoarse voice. “Fuck, just gonna fill you up with my come and make you mine completely.”
You were too overstimulated to really hear what he was saying, everything blurred together at that moment. He gave you a few more unforgiving thrusts and then came inside of you, holding himself still for a moment to keep it all there. You caught your breaths together and kissed you on the forehead.
“Thank you.” He murmured as he lifted off of you and laid down beside you.
You smiled and then gave him a small kiss on the lips and went to the bathroom, feeling a bit shaky but strangely content with this new declaration. After you cleaned up you went and laid back down with him. He seemed miles away again, eyes fixed on the drawn blinds of your window. You couldn’t tell if he was feeling guilt or maybe a tinge of worry after all of that but you just nestled your head into his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
#jonathan crane x reader#jonathan crane smut#jonathan crane#jonathan crane x you#jonathan crane fanfic
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The best things in life are better with you - (Pierre Gasly x Reader) ⭐️
This has been in my drafts forever and I just found it again 😅 so please enjoy 😂🙈
Pairing: Pierre Gasly x Reader
Word Count: 941
Summary: Pierre and you have a little secret.
Warnings: Teeth rotting fluff, Cute Pierre, might make you feel incredibly lonely
Pierre and you went way back. Your mothers had been friends, so the two of you grew up best friends as well. It was quite usual to find one in the others house when you grew up and even now it was unusual for you two to be far from each other. Well, unless he was in the car of course.
"I'm back.", you heard Pierre speak as he entered the room of his driver room after the media duties of the day. With a smile you locked your iPad and looked up at him.
"How was it? Did they have rumors again?", you laughed referring to the enormous amount of times the press had speculated that the both of you were in an intimate relationship.
"None this time.", he chuckled and sat down on his bed. "What're you watching? Please tell me its not that weird crime show again..."
"Excuse you?! Criminal Minds is a wonderful show and Dr. Spencer Reid is really hot!", you gasped jokingly. This was a recurring topic for you two, he jokingly bullied you for your taste in television shows and you returned the favor with his hobbies.
He rolled his eyes but had a grin on his face still. "Have you done anything nice today?", he then questioned kicking his feet up to get a little more relaxed after standing around for long doing interviews.
"Not really. Edited a few photos, scheduled some posts, replied to comments, you know, the usual.", you shrugged and got up to sit beside him. "Oh! I did read a new joke! What lies on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?"
"I don't know Y/N, but I'm sure you will tell me soon.", your best friend tilted his head watching you.
"A nervous wreck.", you replied with a giggle. It took a moment but Pierre did grin after a bit.
"Where do you always find those?", he laughed and shook his head.
"Online.", you grinned and pulled on his shoulder so his head landed in your lap. Raising your hands you started gently playing with his hair. You knew he loved that and it always helped him calm down.
"You really have to sleep more.", you mumbled and shook your head.
"I know I know... But you know I always sleep better with you beside me.", Pierre whispered back and looked at you out of the corner of his eyes.
"Text me then, I'll come over! You know, for purely selfish reasons... After all I don't want your mum to hate me if you have an accident because you're too tired.", you smiled and kept stroking his hair.
"Of course, we do wanna keep my mum happy.", he smiled knowing you way too well to believe your reasoning.
Ever since you were teenagers both of your mums hoped you would end up as a couple and well, it slowly did start to look that way.
"They tease me, you know? Daniel, Lando, even Lewis.", Pierre whispered after a while. You had actually thought he was asleep, but apparently he still had something on his chest.
"About what?", you frowned after he didn't continue speaking.
"You.", he laughed quietly confusing you even more. "You and me to be exact. They think we should be together by now and I obviously didn't tell them the truth. They would never let us hear the end of it."
"Do you think so? I think they would be happy for you. For us. Plus, I really just want to hold your hand and kiss you when we are around our friends.", you smiled softly making him look at you wide eyed. So far it had always been you that was against telling everyone of your friends, excluding Charles. Both of you just couldn't hide anything from him.
"Are you sure?", he asked with a small smile that widened further once he saw your nod.
"If you want, I'm ready to share us with the world. I love you and I know you love me too, so whenever you are ready.", you explained and gave him a gentle kiss.
"Do you think our mums will hate us if I post yesterdays photo on Instagram and don't tell them first?", he chuckled pulling his phone out of his pocket.
"I don't think so. I'm pretty certain they've known for months.", you laughed and kept stroking his hair while he typed on his phone.
Liked by y/n_dubois and 287.409 others
pierregasly: Two years, five months and 27 days. Not like I'm counting. I love you y/n_dubois
y/n_dubois: I love you so much mon amour <3
danielricciardo: I KNEW IT! HA! FINALLY!
-> landonorris: Mate! Read the caption!
-> danielricciardo: WAIT! What the hell?! You fooled us!
yukitsunoda0511: Couple goals! All the best for you two!
-> y/n_dubois: Thank you Yukino <3
-> yukitsunoda0511: You spend too much time with him.
charlesleclerc: My ship has sailed! pierregasly y/n_dubois
lewishamilton: Aww! All the best for you both! You are so cute together!
pyry.salmela: Congrats! This is no excuse to miss training though.
and 598 other comments
"Okay yeah, from the comments they are absolutely not going to let us see the end of this.", you chuckled while he still laid there with his head on your legs.
"Probably not, but at least we can show everyone how happy we are now.", Pierre smiled and gave you a soft kiss when the both of you heard a knock on the door. "Come in."
"Hey you two lovebirds.", Charles spoke as he entered the room with a grin and sat down on one of the chairs. "So, finally public hm?"
"I guess so.", Pierre laughed without sitting up and looked at his best friend.
"Charlotte was really excited when she saw the post.", Charles smiled and pulled his phone out of his pocket to show you the messages she had sent him earlier.
"Awww, this is so cute! You two really are our number one supporters.", you giggled after reading the texts and handed the phone back. "Should I also post something? What do you think?"
"That would be so cute ma petit fleur.", Pierre smiled only to hear Charles fake throw up besides the both of you.
"Disgusting.", he laughed only for you and Pierre to join right away.
Liked by pierregasly and 4.731 others
y/n_dubois: You are the people that have made me who I am today. The best things in life are better with you by my side. pierregasly Charles_leclerc charlottesiine
danielricciardo: I don't know which post is cuter. Your's or pierres
landonorris: How the heck were you able to hide this for so long when you are this cute?!
->y/n_dubois: Crazy right? I wonder myself honestly
charles_leclerc: disgusting.
->charlottesiine: 😂
->y/n_dubois: 😂
-> pierregasly: We love you too mate
lewishamilton: You two are really sweet together. Cant wait to see you more often!
#f1 imagines#f1 imagine#pierregasly#pierre gasly#GAS10#pierre gasly x reader#pierre x reader#x reader#f1 imagine x reader#fluff#fluffy#fluffy imagine#fluff x reader#x reader fluff#pierre gasly fluff#social media imagine#social media imagines#f1 social media
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Unspoken words — Wanderer x GN! Reader
Summary: Trying to finish your commission as fast as possible you get sick, walking to the place of the closest person you know.
A/N: Forever thankful with my friend who offered to proofread this for me <3. This was in my drafts since a long time ago and I decided to post it after getting Kabukimono cat plushie. Please enjoy!! ^^
Wanderer takes the wet towel from your forehead with his hands, submerging it into the basin of cold water next to his bed to then wring the excess water and placing it back in its original place.
He has been doing the same thing over and over for the last few hours, or maybe days? Your mind is too clouded by the fever to know how long you have been in this miserable situation, envying the people you hear through the window walking on the streets of Sumeru and going on with their day by day, ignorant of the suffering you are enduring.
His movements are monotonous but precise, almost delicate. It is as if he had done this multiple times in the past, something you wouldn't expect from someone like him. And maybe it's that silence and acceptance on his part that brings so much uneasiness to your thoughts, slowly consuming you until they simply become impossible to ignore.
"Come on, you can say it." The words fall weakly from your mouth, worsening the burning pain in your hoarse throat that feels like your vocal cords are being torn apart one by one. Still, you try your best to hide it from him, failing miserably. It would be almost impossible not to notice it when the simple act of breathing hurts so much, responding you instantly.
"Stop talking. You will make it worse." You don't know if it's because you've been too focused on your own misery to pay him any attention during all your stance, yet this is the first time you've heard him speak since you got sick, the words barely making sense in the moment that reach your ears. Yet, although for any other person in your situation the pain would be enough to listen to his words, his response does not completely satisfy you, ignoring them just as he was expecting.
"I know what you are thinking. Just say it." He sighs, already knowing where this conversation is going. "What would the point of scolding you now?" "I don't know, you are an expert on it."
Wanderer finally stops his movements and looks back to you. It's something so insignificant and small but it's enough to let you know that he is at least listening to you. However, the silence between you two after it is so loud, spreading throughout the room as you two stare at each other. You've seen that look in his eyes before, like he's analyzing every little aspect and movement of you. From your shallow breaths to the way your body keeps sending shivers from the ferver.
"It was your choice to stay late on the rain to finish your commission, not mine. I'm not responsable for your own well being."
"Then why are you taking care of me?"
"Nahida would have scolded me if I had just left you outside in the rain, but now I'm starting to wonder if letting you be on your own was the best choice."
Despite the pain, you can't contain the laughter that forms in the back of your throat, which quickly turns into a dry cough in response to your lungs desperately seeking oxygen to keep themselves functioning. This seems to bother him even more, averting his gaze again and pouring water into a glass cup. It's hard to know exactly what's going on in the deepness of his mind, this whole situation bringing up memories from the past that he had buried long ago.
"Drink this." He hands you the glass of water, helping you lean on the bed so you don't end up choking on it. It's rare to see Wanderer worried about anyone, much less caring about them. It feels wrong to depend on him this much, but you still can't help but feel the warmth of the moment spreading through your chest, selfishly basking in the attention he gives you.
While you drink the water, your eyes follow his gaze, observing the last rays of sun softly entering through the window and the wind running through the curtains. Despite everything, the world continue without waiting for anyone, everyone walking to their houses to finally end the day. All pain is temporary and it is possible that in a few weeks you will end up forgetting about this moment, so you try to get the best out of it, enjoying Wanderer's company in silence.
And when you were finally going to lie down in bed again and try to sleep your pain away, he whispers something one last time. "Just rest. You'll be fine."
It feels like the words are more for himself than for you. You still can't tell what is going through his thoughts, but you know that even if you ask him he will probably brush it off. So instead, you take a different approach to the issue, reaching his hands and holding them with your own. Your hands are still shaky and sweaty from the ferver, but when you talk the words come out strangely soft, trying to reassure him in some way.
"I will."
#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#wanderer x reader#scaramouche x reader#genshin fluff#wanderer fluff#comfort
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Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: KinnPorsche, and Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist Edition (Part 1)
[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, in a two-part series, I offer my thoughts on KinnPorsche, my very first Thai BL, and the impact that I think KP has had on the Thai BL industry since 2022.]
Hot damn! It has been a MINUTE since my last OGMMTVC review, so I'm glad to be back. I've been very much looking forward to writing my thoughts about my recent KinnPorsche rewatch: I enjoyed this ENTIRE process, especially in regards to watching KinnPorsche in the context and chronology of past Thai BLs, and man, did I ever see KP WAYYYYY differently than the first time I watched it.
Why's that? Welp -- *KinnPorsche was my first-ever Thai BL*. (Not my first BL drama ever; that award goes to the GOAT, Kinou Nani Tabeta?/What Did You Eat Yesterday?)
But when I joined Tumblr officially in July 2022, just about a year and a half ago (in the heat of passionately obsessing over Old Fashion Cupcake), my dash was awash, AWASH, in KP posts. AWASH.
I had no idea what the fuck the algorithm was telling me.
I went into KinnPorsche knowing absolutely NOTHING about Thai BL tropes, the history of the genre, the actors in the roles, what made KP so innovative by way of its storyline, NADA. Dudes -- I'm half-Malaysian, and I had never even watched a show from the Southeast Asian region, let alone Thailand, and I was unaware of how prolific the Thai drama industry was (at least compared to the Korean drama machine).
When I first watched KinnPorsche, my perspective was that I had watched a pretty good show, and I was left surprised back then in particular by the No Homophobia Bubble (well, almost no homophobia, Big) that I now know is so much more common in Thai BLs than I realized.
It was through KinnPorsche that I discovered Thai BLs, and it was subsequently through Bad Buddy that I realized that I NEEDED to understand the development of this national genre -- so back to the history annals I went, through my OGMMTVC project, starting from 2014's Love Sick, and here we are at this moment of the timeline, the hot hot late spring and summer of 2022, enjoying the ✨vibbbeeezz✨ between Mile Phakphum and Apo Nattawin, and leaving me wondering why there was a national shirt button shortage in the midst of a Thai mafia crime drama. I'm glad I have history on my side now as I think about KinnPorsche as a standalone drama, and as I also think about the impact it has had on the Thai BL genre and fandoms prior to its premiere, up to today's moment in time.
I took my time to draft this piece partly because I was busy watching Be On Cloud's second and latest serial drama in Dead Friend Forever. I think BOC is doing something very interesting by way of their acting and contracted scripting choices, which I want to ponder by way of the context and aftermath of KP's airing. As such, while I had intended to write just one post about KP, I have a bunch of thoughts that'll spill over to tomorrow. So here we go, a quick overall outline for the lovers for today and tomorrow on my ruminating thoughts:
1) My critical thoughts on KinnPorsche as a standalone drama in the context of the history of previous Thai BLs,
2) My thoughts on how new arrivals to the wider Thai BL fandom shaped the perception of KP vis à vis older Thai BLs,
3) How I think KP has impacted how other studios approach, market, and write Thai BLs now, and
4) A quick passing thought on BOC's own continued influence on the Thai BL genre and industry since 2022, particularly by way of Dead Friend Forever.
I'm going to concentrate on numbers 1 and 2 in this piece, and they're actually going to be a touch conflated, because I want to lean into a now-obvious fact that the BL Elder community knew all along about KP when it first aired in 2022: there was not much that was new about what KinnPorsche was doing. (This is not necessarily a bad thing, as I’ll get into below.)
When I was a newbie on Tumblr, and the algorithm was feeding my dash, I remember seeing posts about how Be On Cloud, the studio behind KP, was doing things differently than the rest of the Thai BL field -- I recall posts about the studio hiring the best acting coaches, how the cinematography was nothing like what we had seen in other shows, and how Be On Cloud was committed to creating safe environments for its actors, particularly Apo Nattawin, who had reportedly faced discrimination in his past acting career, reportedly leading him to leave the Thai drama industry for a number of years.
While some very early Thai BL studios were known to not have the safest or friendliest environments (the filming of What The Duck comes to mind by way of this lore), by the time of KP's airing, GMMTV had strongly established itself as the leader of Thai BL productions, and other players, including New Siwaj and Cheewin Thanamin, had produced quite the number of dramas under each of their respective studio outfits. The industry, by 2020 and 2021, when KP was in its development origins, wasn't new anymore. Acting coaches, such as Aof Noppharnach, were now also regularly writing, directing, and producing original shows, and major BL studios had introduced workshopping as a regular step to production. On the artistic end, studios and writers had established expected artistic tropes -- 2018's Love By Chance is the first example that comes to my mind of when the Thai BL genre crystallized in a structurally derivative piece of art by way of containing and using prior trope references and dynamics.
Be On Cloud, in picking up the KinnPorsche script from Filmania during the pandemic (I use these posts here and here for my non-primary sources of KP lore) clearly knew it had something innovative on its hands by way of producing the genre's first mafia-based BL romance.
But 2020's Manner of Death had already introduced crime and mystery to BL, and 2021's Not Me continued a multi-genre perspective somewhat successfully around romance. And regarding sex and heat: KinnPorsche didn't do that first, either. MaxTul brought it first in 2017's Together With Me, and MAME has owned this corner since 2018's Love By Chance and 2019's TharnType. (Props to MaxTul for being in both Together With Me and Manner of Death; MileApo owe those dudes some beers.) By way of cinematography, which KP does extremely well: we had already begun seeing prestige cinematography in 2020's I Told Sunset About You, and 2021's I Promised You The Moon and A Tale of Thousand Stars.
It was natural, I think, for much of the KP fandom to think that KP was innovative in a lot of these categories, because, like me -- KP was our first-ever Thai BL. By way of money clearly spent on the show, the directorial purview of the show, the utterly gorgeous cinematography (man, that nighttime pull-away shot when the guys are in the roof pool, oof, why couldn't I find a gif), a new fan might think, geez, this has never been done before! But it had, and not just in Thailand, but for years prior in Japan, and more recently in Korea.
This is ALL not to say that KinnPorsche “suffered” because of what I'm uncovering by way of KP's misunderstood innovation. I think a perception of KP being entirely “new” in the BL field has contributed to its lore and enduring influential status. On this rewatch, I appreciated the mafia-based storyline as a support system to the central KinnPorsche romance. Yok being centered as an important mentor to Porsche, played by the inimitable Sprite Patteerat, was refreshing to see. Porsche accepting his bisexuality, especially with Yok's support, without the typical BL head-spinning queer revelation, was a welcome element to the show. And, frankly -- I had, on my first watch, missed, of course, the clear references to Thai BLs of the past in this show, references that I really loved seeing this time around.
From the old school, we got Kob Songsit, the OG BL dad, no longer Tong's dad in the seminal movie, The Love of Siam, nor Dean's dad in Until We Meet Again. This BL veteran is now a damn dad don, weapons and all.
We've also got Na Naphat, who played important side characters in IPYTM and UWMA. We have former BL lead guys in Jeff Satur and Perth Nakhun. We've got guitars and singing, we have underwater smooching, we have a cute-cute first date. We arguably have questionable kabedon in Kinn's and Porsche's first intimate moments. We have cooking for your lover, we have feeding your lover, we have the towel-drying of the hair. KP, by 2022, keeps up with Idol Factory's Secret Crush On You in prominently featuring a femme-presenting side character in Tankhun, PHENOMENALLY ACTED by Tong Thanayut, who we had seen previously in TharnType.
KP was, in part, directed by Pepzi Banchorn, who served as an assistant director on 2019's Dark Blue Kiss and 2021-22's Bad Buddy, and had a quick guest spot in 2022's The Warp Effect. KP was also, in part, directed by Khom Kongkiat, who played Uncle Tong in Bad Buddy, and subsequently directed The Promise in 2023. AND, finally, one of the KP screenwriters is Bee Pongsate, who has co-written so much flippin' BL: Last Twilight, Bad Buddy, Dangerous Romance (😬), Vice Versa, My School President, A Tale of Thousand Stars, 2gether and Still 2gether, and that's not even scratching the list -- you get it.
KP's supporting cast and crew was simply stacked with BL vets, who clearly knew the scene, and who helped to support Mile Phakphum's rookie acting and Apo Nattawin's return to the screen. I'd posit that this group of people knew EXACTLY what references they were putting into KinnPorsche, from actors to tropes, and also knew when, where, and how to innovate around those references to still make this show unique.
Certainly, KP's approach to sex and heat -- by way of Kinn's and Porsche's first drunken encounters (hi again, MaxTul), the uncut intimate scenes between them, and Vegas's and Pete's union by way of, well, semi-torture and/or kink -- was bold enough to be overall quite notable. But again: Thai BLs had been pushing that envelope for years past, and it has continued to do so in shows like MAME's Love In the Air and GMMTV's Only Friends.
In other words: after this rewatch, with the history of the older Thai BLs I've watched under my belt, I don't see KinnPorsche as firstly innovative. But I appreciate the show differently now, in particular for how very obvious it worked to include past Thai BL references in its production, and I actually gained a different appreciation for it.
I also want to made a quick tangential note about Apo and Tong specifically by way of innovation. Dr. Thomas Baudinette, a long-time BL fan and academic researcher on Thai and Japanese queer media, notes in his book, Boys Love Media in Thailand, that an ideal trajectory for a Thai BL actor is to debut in BLs in order to transition to more popular primetime het Thai dramas, as Gulf Kanuwat of TharnType, and Ohm Thitiwat and Kao Noppakao of UWMA and Lovely Writer, respectively, are notably doing at the moment. Apo Nattawin did this the other way around: he had established his career in het lakorns, most notably in 2015’s major hit drama, Sut Khaen Saen Rak, and subsequently left the Thai drama industry after reportedly being discriminated against for his skin tone and fashion choices. And his way back to the industry was through BLs. Taking the lore of Mile Phakphum recruiting Apo for KP out of the picture for a moment: I think this indicates a shift in how BLs are increasingly perceived in Thailand, and even globally, as being a career-worthy genre of content on its own for actors. (Apo's exploding fashion career is proof of this.) And BOC has now recruited another lakorn vet in Jes Jespipat for its third upcoming drama, 4 Minutes.
As well, Tong Thanayut’s very public coming out after the conclusion of KP’s airing is notable for how Be On Cloud has continued to center Tong in its productions after that fact, most notably in 2023’s film, Man Suang, while other out BL actors are not as lucky by way of guaranteeing and attracting future work.
I have a lot more to say about KinnPorsche's and Be On Cloud's impact on the current Thai BL industry, and how I think that impact has affected the marketing and creation of more recent shows like 2023's Only Friends, and 2023-24's Playboyy. But this first post has gotten long, and I actually haven't written much about the actual show itself, HA. So let me say this:
I think it's notable that the first shows that played around with themes outside of romance, like 2020's Manner of Death, and 2021's Not Me, were not perfect shows. We see now how multi-genre BLs are just exploding, what with Dead Friend Forever and the upcoming slew of vampire BLs that are going to drop (and let's not forget the first omegaverse BL drama in Pit Babe -- or should we forget it, I dunno). Not all of these shows are perfect, but the genre has only been around for a decade. There's a lot of time, and a tremendous amount of interest and funding, that upcoming shows can leverage to become better, especially these multi-genre shows that we're seeing more of.
KinnPorsche as well, was not a perfect show. I have some thoughts particularly on VegasPete to offer tomorrow, and I think, overall, that KP could have easily been a shorter series with more impact.
But I'll still give the show some of its flowers, because I think, unlike MoD and Not Me, that KinnPorsche did a better job of centering the Kinn and Porsche romance for dramatic effect, particularly by leveraging comedy. Were there many moments of hibbly-jibblies? Oh, totally. Dudes, also, Kinn fucking forgot about Pete! Pete coming back to the house and reminiscing about Vegas while holding his neck? Eeeeyikes, no thanx. There were a number of these weird bumps that I think could be explained by way of intentional camp (which I think KP did pretty well), but I do believe the show could have been tighter with more editing.
But, I gotta admit: I had a great time re-watching KP. That says something. Was it the heat that tiddled my dopamine cycles? Probably, somewhat. (No shame in my game.) Or -- a more reasonable theory, ha, is that Apo, as a veteran actor, demonstrated more range than I originally remembered. He can really do comedy well, and he timed his comedy perfectly for the absurdities that peppered KP through the series (the bread crawl, the constant throwing of hands, the jumping-on-Kinn when the ghost of Pete showed up, oh shit we're in the forest now, etc). Apo and Tong, in particular, stayed true to the bit many times during the show, and I think the series benefitted greatly from their collective comedic talent and timing -- which I thought was nicely refreshing for the genre.
With that, I'll have more ruminating tomorrow about the show itself, about how I think the impact that KP and BOC have had on the genre after KP's airing, and other thoughts about the cultural moment that KP demarcated when it aired -- see you tomorrow!
[MORE MORE MORE KP tomorrow! And I'll have more thoughts about the watchlist then. But for now, here's the classic OGMMTVC list for you to chew on!
1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here)
2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here)
3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here)
4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here)
5) Make It Right (2016) (review here)
6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here)
7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here)
8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here)
9) Together With Me (2017) (review here)
10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here)
11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here)
12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review)
13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here)
14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here)
15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here)
16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review)
17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here)
18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here)
19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here)
20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) (and notes on my UWMA rewatch here)
21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here)
22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here)
23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here)
24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (review here)
25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here)
26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (re-review here)
27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review here)
28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review here)
29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review here)
30) Not Me (2021-2022) (review here)
31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here)
32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) (review here)
33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch (Links to the BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series are here: preamble here, part 1, part 2, part 3a, part 3b, and part 4)
34) Secret Crush On You (2022) (review here)
35) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here)
36) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For the Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist
...interrupting the OGMMTVC list here to watch War of Y (2022) (watching) in chronology to decide if it gets listed...
37) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here)
38) The Eclipse OGMMTVC Rewatch to Reexamine “Genre BLs” and Internalized/Externalized Homophobia in GMMTV Shows
39) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL)
40) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023)
41) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here)
42) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here)
43 La Pluie (2023) (review coming)
44) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) (I’m including this for BMF’s sophisticated commentary on Krist’s career past as a BL icon)
45) Wedding Plan (2023) (Recommended as an important trajectory in the course of MAME’s work and influence from TharnType)
46) Only Friends (2023) (tag here) (not technically a BL, but it certainly became one in the end)
47) Last Twilight (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as Thailand’s first major BL to center disability, successfully or otherwise)
48) Cherry Magic Thailand (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as the first major Japanese-to-Thai drama adaptation, featuring the comeback of TayNew)
49) Ossan’s Love Returns (2024) (adding for the EarthMix cameo and the eventual Thai remake)
50) Dead Friend Forever (2024) (thoughts here)
51) 23.5 (tag here) (2024)]
#kinnporsche#kinnporsche the series#be on cloud#mileapo#mile phakphum#apo nattawin#kinn x porsche#porsche x kinn#tong thanayut#bible sumettikul#turtles catches up with old gmmtv#turtles catches up with thai bls#turtles catches up with the essential bls#the old gmmtv challenge#ogmmtvc#pond krisda#dead friend forever#kinnporsche meta#kinnporsche the series meta
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Man it's been a long time since I've done an ask cluster! Let's see if I can get some down...
He's an extremely fun character to write for and play with! So in that sense I'm fond of him, haha. He's such a huge disaster of a person, there's always something fun to do with him. Well "fun" in a relative sense.
I don't have anything to forgive him for, he didn't hurt me. |D He hurt the brothers!
I do have an idea for a cute feature inspired by Six-Eared Macaque! I should really sit down and do that already... and finish the one I half started but never finished...
I don't think my opinion on any of them changed! I love them all, haha. Which ones I drew comics about just depends on which ones I get ideas for really. Sometimes I get Alphys ideas and sometimes I get Goatparents ideas! Inspiration is fickle!
I don't have any solid plans or anything. :B Just gonna keep chugging along with silly comics and art! Work on Defrag and such. I'd like to finish a Ladyverse comic I've had lying around forever, and I had vague plans for doing a doujin for them too I could work on... and also seeing if I could format Handplates into a book format... I've always got a bunch of projects, haha.
It works on that level! It wasn't intentional though. |D
I do enjoy speculation! I don't really have much of my own though, I didn't predict anything in chapter 2 so now I'm assuming I can't predict anything in the future chapters either, haha.
Emesis Blue is great! Some really beautiful visuals in there, very striking! Love the mood of it too and a lot of the surreal imagery. I think it helped spur me back into TF2 again, haha. Medic and Scout's relationship was so cute.
I have thought about this! It has its share of challenges though... I outlined them more in this post. A pdf would be more doable though... could even include some extra stuff as well! Hmm...
I can see that! He'd probably spend as much time out in the rain as he could just doing whatever to stay outside.
It was pretty much always going to end like that. I always wanted it to end on a hopeful note! Which might seem weird with how dark it is at the beginning. I DID for a brief period at the very beginning of Handplates think about stopping with the Pacifist run, but that was only because I thought going where I wanted to go would take too long and already the project seemed so dauntingly huge at the time, haha. But it was always going to end in a positive way!
Gaster talks about what he originally intended to create here, and he explains a bit about the physical experiments he runs on the brothers here. They aren't really a solution in and of themselves so much as tools to try and find a way to break the barrier. Really though, Gaster got stuck in the sunk-cost fallacy lol.
I don't really have opinions about what canon Gaster would be like. |D Handplates Gaster is his own thing really. Canon Gaster, who knows! Deltarune Gaster, who knows! I will say I hope Gaster stays a mystery in Deltarune and never actually shows up but I think the odds of that are really low at this point.
I thought about doing a script along those lines! I did a few rough drafts of one, but it never really went anywhere... it'd end up dead-ending or kind of meandering off. I might see if I can get an actual script down for a side-comic or something in the future... it might be better suited for a fic.
I was just thinking about this lately! I was picturing Gaster totally forgetting about that until he sees Papyrus squinting and is like OH GOD YOUR EYES THAT'S RIGHT D: and goes to get him looked at lol.
I couldn't come up with a good idea for Flowey which is a shame, I do like him, haha. If one comes to me though I might make a little side comic about it!
Gaster's LV is complicated... his stats in-game are ludicrous if I recall correctly. Did he carry the damage from his murders into the void, even if those murders weren't his in the new timeline? Deep thoughts.
He fed them anything he could find, haha. Which is why sometimes they just ended up with chocolate bars (which he intended as dinner for himself). He probably fed them more often than he fed himself lol. He did feed them fairly regularly though.
Not about skeletons, probably. |D
Man I know I had an explanation for this but it was so long ago... it's hard for me to remember. It could be that the Riverperson is just weird and has weird insight into elements of things, had a prophetic dream... I don't know! It bugs me now that I can't remember this, haha.
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Ok before i sleep im gonna drop this here cause its 2 am and the thoughts of this man is hunting me :
After all the chaos,vash wont let reader go. They'll lay side by side,their foreheads still touching,while vash clenches to reader's hand while she sleeps.
Vash doesnt sleep that night. He only listens to the soft sounds of the love of his life breathing,alive,and lets the warmth of her hands seep through his own,and his eyes tracing the bloody bandage that he wrapped around reader's arm
Vash doesnt sleep. He stays awake,and whispers how he loves her until dawn comes and their eyes meet again
Ok, gonna pass out now.
(2 am and i have class at 7 am tom...lmaoo)
I AM SO SORRY. this has been in my drafts for a while now but i never got to posting it due to some personal issues hhahahf.
anyways this is a sequel to this
Vash holds onto you like a lifeline, head leaning against yours. You’ve fallen asleep hours ago, the adrenaline in your veins finally wearing off.
He stares off into the distance at the shadowy silhouette of the ruined town. A few hours ago it had a different silhouette, a few hours ago it was a bustling settlement.
He tries not to think of the what-ifs, of what he could have done, what he shouldn’t have done and what he should’ve done better. If you were awake you’d (lovingly) chew his ass out for doing so, he thinks.
Still, he thinks of it, repeating and repeating his brief confrontation with Nai and the destruction that happened after.
His hand brushes on your bandaged arm and he lets out a breath.
Stars, you could’ve died earlier had he–he holds you tighter.
He doesn’t want to think about it.
He checks the gauze for blood.
Thankfully, there aren’t any.
Knowing he didn’t screw up dressing your wound relieves him of the sinking feeling that settled on his stomach for the past few hours.
Gently, he intertwines his hand with yours.
“I love you,” he whispers, the words escaping the prison that was his throat.
Vash could never bring himself to say, feeling undeserving to do so but after today…he’ll let himself be a little selfish.
“I love you,” he says, intently this time.
He repeats the phrase, each syllable rolling off his tongue with a foreign familiarity. Pressing his forehead against yours he closes his eyes and breathes out a sigh.
You’re safe.
You’re alive.
Eventually, Vash is lulled to sleep by the sound of your steady breaths and the soft gusts of wind blowing through the desert. Vash’s world is still, neither is he running from his problems nor facing them.
Right now it's just you and him huddled together under the night sky, silently, he wishes that this moment could last forever.
#hi im back again ig#^asks#trigun x reader#trigun stampede x reader#vash the stampede x reader#tristamp x reader#vash x reader
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WIP Tag
Thanks for the tag @kay-elle-cee, @alittlebitofeverything23, and @isahorcrux !!! This is such a fun one. :)
List the titles your top five priorities for WIP updates (link your fics for new readers!)
An upcoming scene, event, or detail in each fic that you're looking forward to writing
Bonus: make a poll for your followers to vote on which top 5 WIP they are most excited to see an update on!
Then tag 10 writer friends
Titles
Kindly Stopped for Me: Chapter 33. Lily lives AU, where Lily falls into a coma on Halloween 1981 and wakes up at the end of GoF. Lots of angst and family feels.
The Joker and The Queen: Chapter 3. A Jily fake-dating fic. Shenanigans abound. An "Idiots in Love" kind of story.
James Lives AU (Title TBA): Outline & Chapter 1. Basically a James version of Kindly Stopped for Me. James survives Halloween 1981 in a way that I will not spoil for you, and wakes up later on when Harry is a teenager.
Forever is the Sweetest Con: Short multi-chapter. Jily as con artists who fall in love while trying to con each other.
Fragile Little Flame: A post-war Hinny fic! Most likely a one-shot, but we'll see what happens.
(I’m not including the KSFM Missing Moments that I’m working on in this, since I don’t post them on AO3, but just know that I haven’t forgotten them!!!)
Upcoming Scenes, Events, Details
I've been making some minor changes to my outline for KSFM, so the exact numbers may change, but looking at it from a birds-eye view—Chapters 35 and 39 are two of the angstiest chapters in the entire fic😅 So...in preparation for that...I'm giving you all a slight break from the heaviness of this fic with chapters 33 and 34. I'm hoping it won't feel like a crazy tone switch after the previous two chapters, but I'm excited! Chapter 33 is a bit of a transition chapter (setting up some important things!) so maybe won't be the most exciting thing to read. But it will include Lily watching Harry in a Gryffindor Quidditch match for the first time and the gang celebrating Sirius’s 36th birthday!🎂🎂🎂 So hopefully you all will enjoy that!! And then Chapter 34 will be a Harry POV and will feature some good old-fashioned teenage romance drama😅
Chapter 3 of The Joker and The Queen has taken soooo long to write because it's something I sort of have to be in the right mindset for. (I still don't have a full outline for it because I posted the first chapter impulsively before I really thought about the plot very much lol) But I'm hoping it will be worth the wait!! The chapter will feature Lily meeting Fleamont and Euphemia (and possibly some Potter extended family members too) for the first time. I've never written James's parents before, so I'm excited!
Oh man, oh man. What can I say about the James lives au?? I'm currently drafting multiple vague outline ideas as I work through the timeline that I want it to take place in. But, despite what I've said previously, I'm finding myself starting to lean towards setting it in the OotP universe after all. (but no promises yet!) I'm staying kind of vague about the plot of this since it's still very much under consideration, but I'll just say that Peter's betrayal and its ramifications will be a major focus. The betrayal will happen slightly differently than it does in canon (as some of you have already guessed!), and I expect it to be devastating😈
Forever is the Sweetest Con is a fic that has been percolating in my brain for a WHILE now. I haven't officially outlined it yet, but I already made the banner so it's officially happening! It will be canon divergent, and I'm excited to explore the cat-and-mouse dynamic that I envision when I think about this one.
Fragile Little Flame is a fic inspired by Taylor Swift's "I Know Places" and is also one that I already have a banner and title for, but no outline. It'll be a post-war Hinny fic (I've been wanting to return to writing them!) and will take place in the 19 years between the end of DH and the epilogue. I haven't really thought about the plot in detail yet, but it probably won't be epilogue-compliant. Harry will (probably) be a Quidditch player rather than an Auror, and the fic will explore Harry and Ginny recovering from the war and rebuilding their relationship amongst the chaos of both grief and fame.
Apologies if you've already been tagged! But here's a no-pressure tag to: @suzyq31 @nena-96 @uncertainwallflower @turanga4 @takearisk-ao3 @annasghosts @practicecourts
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Devlog #11: Localization and Organizing Notes
Hello everyone! Welcome to this month’s devlog!
If you just stumbled upon this, I am Adrienne, also known as insertdisc5! I’m the developer, writer, artist, main programmer, etc of the game. The game being In Stars and Time, a timeloop RPG, which is the next and final game in the START AGAIN series, following START AGAIN: a prologue (available here!). You can find out more about In Stars and Time here!!!
LET’S GET TO IT. This month's devlog is about localizations and how I organize my notes!
The month of January has, once again, been all about bug fixing. My producer once told me QA and bug fixing would take forever and I didn’t believe her, but it is true. You kill one bug and three take its place.
Bugs aside, the first pass of the localization of the game into Japanese has been completed (thanks Kakehashi Games!) ! Wait did we even mention officially that the game will be in English and Japanese at release. Well there you go! In Stars and Time will be released in both English and Japanese!!!
Now that the first pass is over, it’s time for the very time intensive work of adding all that translated text into the game, as well as translating any illustrations. And after that, the localization team will take over QA, and will play the game from beginning to end in Japanese, making sure everything works well in context!
I can’t wait for Japanese speakers to try out the game as well!!!
Oh! Also, speaking of words, I wrote a post on how I approach worldbuilding, more specifically expressions and swear words and about how Jesus Christ is not canonical to the ISAT universe. Mayhaps it could tickle your fancy?
Uuuuuh this devlog is so short. I feel bad. Well uh (thinks very hard) how about you come with me on a journey, and look at how I organize my notes? Yeah? YEAH!!! (This section will feature: blocked out text) (Also: I realized after writing all this that I did talk about my writing process a bit in my #2 devlog. Well uh you get writing process: 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
I use OneNote for all my ISAT notes! I use it because quite frankly this was the first software I tried and it works. I like how it has tabs within tabs within tabs, so I can easily (ISH?) find any notes I’m looking for!
If you look at the colored tabs, the first one is “demo”, which is everything related to START AGAIN: a prologue (aka: has not been looked at for a year). It contains all the text in the game, as well as general gameplay notes and musings like “hey wouldnt it be fun if I used rock/paper/scissors.” You might notice the text here isn’t in the correct order. That’s a feature not a bug, thats just how my brain works OK!!!!!
The second tab is “Game”, which is the big In Stars And Time tab. It’s divided into a lot of sections, including:
General Dev Notes, which contains general reminders (“ADD MORE PUNS”).
Random Dialogue Corner, which, as the name implies, contains a lot of random dialogues between the characters. They’re also divided into different sections, depending on what kind of dialogue it is- is it a funny scene, or a more serious one? Is it between characters, or just Siffrin going on a big monologue? Etc. This dialogue may or may not be in the game, its main reason for existing is “hee hee I like when my little guys talk in my head”.
Gameplay and Stuff, which is all about the rpg part of the game. What are the skills? How does each enemy behave? What quests are available? How does the game over screen work? Etc
And finally, a big section filled with The Story, which is divided into acts. From the very start, I knew ISAT would have very delimited story beats, which made it easy to just go “ok, this scene goes into Act 3”, etc. For the text, I make sure to keep all the different drafts I had of a specific scene, partly because I sometimes lose a nugget of Fun Stuff by rewriting a scene, and partly because it’s fun to see how a scene has evolved. I tend to write important story scenes 3 times, each time without looking at earlier drafts to see what comes out, and then frankenstein the scene from what I have.
In general I try to keep as many of my notes as possible, because I deleted a lot of my notes for START AGAIN: a prologue and it makes me sad I can’t look at my thought process on a lot of things anymore. KEEP YOUR NOTES KIDS
Going back to the big tabs, next we have “World”, which is everything related to worldbuilding, relationships between characters, the general timeline, more detailed notes on the culture, etc. I used this tab a lot less as time went on, but at the start it was very useful to be able to refer to it, especially for all the city names and their spelling…
After that, we have the “Devlog” tab, which is my own private devlog! I find it very useful to keep a private devlog for myself, because it helps me see clearly that YES, the game is coming along. Every week, I try to write down where I’m at, any problems that I have, as well as screenshots of what the game looks like.
I also give myself space to write how I feel about the game! How is it going? Is it fun to work on this? What do I think about the story, about this character, about this development? I think it’s important to write those things down in the moment- I always keep in mind this post by Wreden, the creator of the Stanley Parable- in it, he talks about the reaction to the Stanley Parable, and how getting so many Thoughts thrown his way about what his game means meant that he lost sight of what his game meant to him. In Stars and Time means a lot to me, and I want to make sure future me remembers why!
Next is “meta”, which is mostly coding references. The way rpgmaker (and, I guess, most video game software???) works is by using variables to keep track of quests and whatnot, and so I used this tab to write down “if this variable equals 5, it means we’re at that point in this quest”! I also used it for code I always use but can’t be bothered to remember, like the conditional code that checks if a switch is ON or not. Aka the simplest most basic code. LISTEN I DON’T WANNA REMEMBER CODE OK
After that is the “To Do” tab, which is pretty self explanatory. I try to divide it into chunks like “To do (localization)”, so I don’t have a massive to-do list, but instead lots of small ones, teehee. This is also where I keep my changelog, to write down any changes I make between builds.
And last, but definitely not least, is my “Messy File” tab! This is where I put ALL MY NOTES. It needs different parts because I made a new part every time opening a tab made my computer chug like crazy. Because it has so many words.
I get an idea for a scene in the middle of the night? GOES INTO THE MESSY SCENE. Oh, I realized when I was grocery shopping that I should fix this small bug by doing this! MESSY FILE. Hehe what if I drew Siffrin baldMESSY FILE. Everything goes there, and then every couple weeks I go through it and put all those little nuggets of ideas into their actual tab. I find it useful to have a file that is allowed to be messy as hell, so the other tabs can be clean and neat!
The Messy File tab also contains the “Entire Story”, which is something I wrote in August 2021 when I started thinking I had no idea where I was going. I took like 4 hours to write down the entire story, from beginning to end, and if I had no idea what would happen, I would just make it up on the spot even if I thought it was bad. And guess what. After that, I knew where I was going. CRAZY!!! I did that a couple more times when I felt stuck at a specific point in the story, and it helped me every time. Would recommend.
And, that’s it! That’s how I organize my notes! I hope! This was! Insightful! Somehow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s all I have to say for today! Let me know if you have any questions, or if there’s any aspect of the game development struggle you’d like me to talk about! See you next time!!!
AND DON’T FORGET TO WISHLIST THE GAME ON STEAM ALSO IT REALLY HELPS BECAUSE STEAM’S ALGORITHM IS MORE LIKELY TO SHOW OFF GAMES WITH A HIGH AMOUNT OF WISHLISTS THAT’S THE REASON WHY GAME DEVS ALWAYS ASK TO WISHLIST!!! OKAY BYE!!!!
#devlog#in stars and time#start again start again start again#game dev#indie game#indie dev#reference
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Alright folks, final Qsmp post of the day (--will have mentions of the Forever situation fyi--)
The prison event was very fun and I got some good laughs (especially from the therapy session). I'm glad to be back and have broken the ice after being radio silent for like 3 weeks.
Going forward, I don't think I'll be as emotionally invested with the lore as I was before with Forever's content, and him not being here is still weird for me. There's moments that feel so much like he should be there, and references that I know would've been made if the server wasn't collectively ignoring his existence. I understand why they're doing that, and I'm not saying they shouldn't. I remember seeing some posts after the initial blow up saying it would probably feel off for a while before the server found a way to fully move past it. Its completely understandable, just like I hope its understandable that people like me still feel sad and hurt over the loss. That'll take a while, and I'm sharing this cause I hope this can resonate with anyone who feels the same.
Oddly enough, this whole situation gave me the opportunity to step back and learn a lot about myself. Hyperfixations are a big deal for ND people, it can be life consuming, and as much as I stand by the fact that everything would've been astronomically better if this never happened... I do think it helped me analyze my own brain in a way I didn't before, issues I had been ignoring or hadn't realized. There's a lot to life, and sometimes you lose sight of that when you're zeroed in on one thing 24/7. I'll still think about the cubito and consume content of him until I naturally lose interest (shout out to the other former Forever fans who are doing the same, separating character from CC of course), but from here on the Qsmp is something I'd like to just have fun with. Something for creativity and culture, but as a fun hobby rather than a serotonin lifeline. This may sound dramatic, but you never know what's happening in someone's life, and what they use to keep themselves going when nothing else is going right for them. Its why this kind of content exists, and I'm thankful for what this server provided when I was still figuring myself out. Even with the situation, I don't want to forget about any of it. But I think I'm ready to take a new and healthier approach this time.
Having said that, I'm glad I could be here for today, and I want to continue being in this fandom until the server itself is ready to end. The Prison Event, whether planned in advance or last minute, was honestly a really great way to give a bit of a blank slate for people still feeling weird about Forever's absence. It brought a new premise disconnected from him and gave people like me a reason to come back to livestreams. I'm glad to have broken the ice and to know that I can come back to the Qsmp fanbase and content, even if its different this time, I'm glad its there for me to return to when I feel like it.
There's a billion drafts for other fandoms and topics that I want to get through, and I'd like to be more consistent with them since my Qsmp hyperfixation has calmed down a bit. But I'll be here, sometimes blogging, sometimes just vibing. Its good to be back, I missed all of you a ton. See you at the Inmate Crucifixion <3
#personal#mcyt#qsmp#forever situation#bit of a vent post#hugs to anyone who feels the same#and thanks for taking the time to read#love you to bits#<3
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Why I, Tumblr User Completely-Real-And-Normal-Human, Am a Monsterfucker: A Non-Exhaustive Manifesto
I’m not even sorry.
First of all: Micheal Distortion, from TMA. Fuck-Hands Mc Mike. Mikey-What-Those-Fingers-Do. He of the gaping corridors, and hopefully gaping holes. What on earth is he doing behind all those closed doors? Or, as the case may be, who is he doing?
the answer is me it’s me he’s fucking me
(Art by CountSlimula on Twitter)
I don’t really think I need to explain myself here. But in case I do, there are two main things I find remarkably attractive about Micheal (that I can adequately articulate): its voice and its hands.
Let’s start with his voice. Micheal’s voice is static-y and warping and always slightly amused. Now THAT is the kind of voice I’d want whispering sweet nothings in my ear. And that’s without even mentioning his laugh — god, can you even IMAGINE what his moans would sound like? Perfection.
Then there’s his hands. You can’t really see it in the first picture, so here’s another one.
(Art by Creativelea2 on Twitter)
He has fingers. I have holes. Enough said, I think.
Next, also a character from TMA, we have one Jared Hopworth. The Bone-Turner. Maker of Menacingly Meaty Murmurs. A man who owns, in all likelihood, a briefcase of carefully selected cocks.
(Art by @neonjawbone)
I’m sure it comes as a surprise to no one that I thoroughly enjoy a good pair of pecs. Jared probably has more than one pair, actually, so that’s several plus points right there. Here, finally, is a man who does body-building right.
As with Micheal, there is also the question of his voice. It’s deep, rumbling, gravelly… the kind of thing I want to hear when he’s busy splitting me in half, you know?
Finally, there’s the multiple limbs. He’d know what to do with all those hands, I’m sure. They’d hardly be lying idle.
Onwards! This time it’s Yaretzi, from Hello From The Hallowoods. Starwolf. Covenant of Tolshetol Who Guards A Thousand Suns. Loving coparent of a large metal son.
(Art by @cotton-glass)
She’s a werewolf, which maybe puts her more into ‘furry’ territory rather than ‘monsterfucker’, but we ball.
Firstly, while Yaretzi is an undeniably sweet person, she’s also fairly terrifying. And ‘women who could kill me’ are fairly high on my list of attractions. Secondly, her voice (again, I know, but most of the media I consume are podcasts so deal, I guess). It’s just the right shade of deep and soft. Amazing.
Also I want her to bite me.
There are more examples, but we’ll be here forever if I try listing them, so I’ll leave it there. I could go into detail about the deeper meaning behind my attraction to these beautiful beasties, but I’m going to see how the masses respond to this first. Besides, this has been in my drafts for entirely too long and I just want to post it at this stage.
(Shoutout to @zombieesc. Thanks for the monsterfucker hype, my friend.)
Edit: I’m a minor, so feel free to rb this post talking about how much you like any of the characters I’ve mentioned, but keep it reasonably PG.
#micheal distortion#micheal shelley#tma#jared hopworth#hfth yaretzi#hfth#monster fucker#here it is my lovelies#enjoy#aubrey says stuff
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HOT DAMN ITS BEEN A MINUTE! I know I’m sorry y’all life has just been all up in the way for the past couple weeks/months but I’m back now! It’s late where I’m at so I will get started with the Matchmaker post as soon as I can but for now please enjoy this head cannon thing I wrote for y’all, it’s been in my drafts forever now but I figured sure why not, let’s finish it up and post part 1! Terribly sorry about my sudden disappearance but I have found that nothing quite fills the void more than being on here and sharing experiences with all of you! Thank you for you patience I do apologize once again, you have all been tremendous and I love you for it.
Without further ado let’s get in to it!
Recently I went to the fair and the entire time I could only think about how the Hashira would act. Therefore I decided to write and I hope you all enjoy. (Me from the future here, went to the fair and had an amazing time! Enjoy some pictures! More at the bottom)
Btw this is all based on my opinion and has no actual evidence to back it up.
Warnings: Sanemi traumatizes entire fair. But no seriously like heights, someone almost falling off a ride. That’s it tho.
PLEASE ENJOY!
The Hashira at The Fair
Part 1!
Kyojuro Rengoku:
I love Rengoku, everyone knows that. He is my comfort character, my baby daddy, if you will. So maybe I am partial but I think he would be one of the funniest characters at the fair, let me elaborate.
In my belief, he would be in charge of the entire operation. He buys the tickets, he organizes it, he rallies everyone together, but most of all he is there to ensure that everyone has a good time AND a safe time.
“Seat belts everyone!” *in ms. Frizzle’s voice*
Think I’m playing? Absolutely not. Rengoku is on the ball when it comes to height requirements and restrictions, too tall or too short that’s too bad.
Seatbelts? Don’t make me laugh. Before the ride starts Kyojuro is running and making sure all seatbelts are up to code and are fastened. He does not care if you battle some of the most violent and horrid demons there are, you will be safe at the fair.
Will question the structural integrity of the rides themselves.
Kyojuro. They are consistently taken down and put up in a span of a week, there will be stuff missing and there will be issues. It’s best not to ask.
Nevertheless he does end up having a good time. He throughly enjoys the rides that are as follows: The Scrambler-you get into these little booths and it moves around really fast in almost a star shape pattern. Whole lot of fun, one of my favorites. The Alien Abduction- it’s just an alien ship shaped building that spins around really fast. The g force sticks you too the wall. Really fun, kinda dizzy afterwards (much like sleeping with Kyojuro). And then finally The Nitro. It’s essentially a huge swing, but it’s like a swing on steroids. It’s really fast and sends you really high, this one is prolly my favorite.
Kyojuro is pretty tame when it comes to trying all the rides and when it comes to others being too short or too tall for one of the rides, he feels that he should stay beside them and keep them company so they don’t feel left out. He really wants to make sure everyone had a good time.
On terms of food served at the fair, I think he would really enjoy funnel cakes. That isn’t to say he didn’t eat atleast one of everything. (Him and Mitsuri spent a lot of time trying the fair food. They ate 6 funnel cakes. The poor people working at the food trucks were beyond stressed with how much they were eating and buying. The lemonade guy couldn’t keep up😔).
On the subject of games, Kyojuro enjoyed the darts and ring toss. Extremely good at both and as a result came home with a ton of stuffed animals. The biggest one being a stuffed sloth. Very much enjoys his sloth and let’s it sit next to his bed. (Cuddles with it sometimes, but nobody knows). Won a ton of prizes for Shinobu and Mitsuri. Gave a bunch to Gyomie as well for the kids at the orphanage. After a short talk it was decided that they come back the next day to bring the kids.
In conclusion these are the same people and you can’t tell me otherwise. 12/10 had a great time and will be coming back.
Uzui Tengen
Oh man, Uzui Tengen and his wives at the fair. Be still my heart.
Number 1. BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT HOW GOTDAMN CUTE THIS SHIT FINNA BE.
Number 2. Let’s not lie to ourselves or anyone else by denying that Tengen and the girls are literally the cutest relationship I’ve ever seen.
So y’all already KNOW that they gonna be having the most fun, well almost. Let me explain.
Ok so we know that Suma can be a little skittish, and Makio kinda makes it worse if I’m not gonna lie simple because when Suma does get nervous Makio can be a little harsh.
Which then results in Tengen feeling more of babysitter rather a husband taking his wives out for a fun evening. I know you maybe wondering where I’m going with this but please, bear with me.
The Ferris Wheel. A staple of the amusement industry, all with its bright lights and soaring heights, it’s no wonder it’s one of the most iconic and recognized piece of fair equipment. That being said, if you have never riding on a Ferris wheel, I do not recommend it for the faint of heart. Not it is not fast, and no it doesn’t sling you around like some of the rides, but if you have a fear of heights or just not prepared, the ride itself can be a bit jarring.
Therefore, when Tengen and his wonderful, beautiful, lovely wives all got on to the ride, it was at that moment Suma had begun to sweat. First the booth went up and then stopped, and then again, and again and again, till they were at the very top of the ride. Of course Tengen wasn’t nearly as impressed because he could jump higher than the peak of the Ferris wheel but still he acted as if he was enjoying himself. Everyone was except for Suma.
Suma clung to Tengen’s arm, this in return caused Makio to fuss. As the two of them got into it, the booth started to sway back and forth. This of course caused Suma to become even more scared.
The rest of the ride was spent trying to calm both of them down.
Btw Kyojuro was sweating the entire time as they were not adhering to the rules of The Ferris Wheel.
Absolutely shameful.
Eventually the Ferris wheel ride ended. Suma in tears, Makio still fussing all the while Hinatsuru and Tengen desperately tried to separate the two.
Rest of the evening went off without a hitch, every one of the girls got a large stuffed animal. (Tengen won these at one of those strength games. Yk the one with the big hammer and a bell at the top). (He broke it).
They all four took really cute pictures together, in fact they got several with all the hashira! 11/10 wonderful evening will definitely be coming back to the fair, next time he will be prepared for if and when Suma gets scared on the Ferris Wheel or other tall rides.
Gyomei Himejima:
Oof alright.
So.
He’s a big man, like a VERY big MAN.
7 feet 2 inches and HALF! THATS A BIG DUDE.
And I’m sure you could already understand that yes, he unfortunately wasn’t allowed on many of the rides. But☝️. He found other ways to enjoy the fair!
Let me tell y’all, this man is a BEAST at fair games. Ring toss? Boom, undefeated. Darts? Bodied. Cornhole? Didn’t even faze him. Dunk the clown? Dude shoulda just stayed in the water bc either way he was gonna get there with Gyomei throwing strikes every time. He was doing so well that carnies were getting mad. Not only that a crowd had eventually formed around him; watching in utter astonishment as the giant man (blind, giant man, was ABSOLUTELY BRUTALIZING THESE GAMES).
More specifically…the dart throwing incident.
Let me set the mood for ya. Kinda give you a bit of a visual explanation as to better explain the where, when, who, for this scene.
The sun had long set, the cool night air filled with laughter and excitement as the fair continued into the evening. Lights, music, the cacophony of peoples voices, and the smell of fried foods are what make up the atmosphere of the game booths and rides. Except for one game at the far end of a long and winding path of fair games. There an unusually large man stood with three darts in his hand. One by one he carefully picked them out and threw them towards the board. Each bullseye had a little red balloon in the center, every line had a number of prizes one could win. But if one were to hit directly in the center they would win a large prize. You had three chances to win a big prize, the target to the left, the target in the middle, and the target to the right. If someone were to hit all three bullseyes they would not only win three big prizes but they also win an extra three chances.
Kyojuro explained the rules to Gyomei and handed him the darts. Not a moment after that three distinct pops could be heard ring out in the surrounding area.
A hush fell over the people who were waiting patiently behind him, even the woman who ran the booth seemed amazed at Gyomie’s win. She allowed him to pick out three large stuffed animals and handed him the darts back.
Once more balloons were blown up and set into position, Gyomei played again.
POP!
POP!
POP!
The woman turned to see that once again all the balloons had been popped, all three darts sat perfect in the center of each target. She was flabbergasted! She couldn’t even speak, it was rare as it was seeing someone who could hit all three targets but dead center 6 times in a row?!?! She shook her head looking at Gyomei and then back at the board, once more at Gyomei and then again back at the board.
Once she regained her composure she removed the darts, filled the balloons again, and handed the darts to him.
“Well done! Let’s see if you can do it a third!” She said, she eyed him closely as she was sure something was amiss.
Now the line of people behind him turned into a small group surrounding him, they all whispered and talked amongst themselves as they watched him carefully.
Silently Gyomie picked out his darts and threw them one by one.
POP!
POP!
POP!
The crowd erupted in cheers! He had done it again! The woman now clearly sweating as Gyomie had only spent 1 dollar and had won 9 prizes! Suddenly the people that stood next to him began throwing dollars and quarters at the woman, screaming that she give him the darts and let him play again.
As more commotion began to erupt, more people were gathered to the booth to watch him play. Some of the other fair goers even went as far as placing bets on Gyomie, wagering when the woman running the booth would eventually kick him out as she was running out of balloons and prizes.
Gyomie played a perfect game 6 times before Kyojuro thought it best to go play another game. He won 18 prizes from that game alone😐. They went to the ping pong in a bowl game, he won 12 goldfish.
At the end of the night Gyomie had more prizes THAN ANYONE IN THE HISTORY OF FAIR GAME PLAYERS EVER WON. So many in fact he stood next to the Caterpillar roller coaster for the kids and gave out a toy for every kid that came by.
That night Gyomie became more than a Hashira. He became a martyr, a light for those who had been burned by sleazy fair games, never again would they lose hope as it was he who came and won them all.
13/10 he had an amazing time, but cried when the lady said he was too good and needed to play another game. He felt bad and later came back to apologize and she gave him a hug. He cried once again.
Sanemi Shinazugawa
He is immediately kicked out.
Jk jk but like fr tho👀 he acted a fool.
Not even gonna lie to y’all, yall see this man, no but do y’all really see this man. He is 5 foot 10 inches of pure malice. (He’s soft baby on this inside but this is not important to the story). Straight menace behavior, DO NOT TELL ME IM WRONG.
He cut every line, and when people tried to protest to this he only turned around and glared at them with his cold eyes🥶 most people would stare back and tremble in terror, one man even began to weep as he looked into Sanemi’s eyes. The man later mumbled that he had peered into hell and hell peered back. (The man was traumatized for lack of a better term, needed therapy, he’s doing better now tho).
Sanemi rode every ride and played every game, he even got into a fight with one of the clowns! (In Sanemi’s defense the clown had it coming). But besides all that Sanemi found most enjoyment out of terrifying the other participants on the rides. In one instance, he turned to the woman sitting next to him and offhandedly mentioned that the seat she was sitting in didn’t latch all the way. As it was theses seats for this specific ride had a bit of give to them when you pushed the pull down part of the harness. She instinctively pushed the bar and it moved a bit before clicking, she turned to look at him and before she had the chance to alert the ride operator, the ride began to swing.
Once the ride had finished the woman was convinced her life had nearly ended due to a faulty ride harness. She immediately got off the ride and ran into the crowd, but her fear wasn’t entirely that of the ride’s seats, it was partially because as she started to scream and beg for dear life, Sanemi erupted in laughter. The scariest part was being seated next to him for the entirety of the ride.
This some how only fueled his behavior. Next he wanted to take it to the next level. He wanted to scare everyone, the people on the ride, the operators, even those who weren’t riding. Each ride he got on he made an effort to terrify everyone. Whether it be him yelling that ride was falling apart or dropping pieces of nuts and bolts close to the operators. This only aroused his hunger. He needed to take it one step further.
There is a ride called The Umbrella, The Octopus, The plane ride, whatever you want to call it, it’s the same ride. It’s giant tower that has a bunch of swings hanging from it, first it starts of slow and low to the ground, it is then risen off the ground and high above the pavement in which it begins to swing faster. This is a VERY tame ride compared to others as it isn’t extremely fast and it’s also not extremely high when compared to the Ring of Fire (one of Sanemi’s favorites although it did make him slightly sick) and the Ferris Wheel (got bored and started throwing nuts and bolts off the side, surprisingly didn’t hit anyone but as people noticed what they assumed were parts that had fallen off the ride, left the line in search of something “safer”). Sanemi cut to the front of the line and went to find the perfect swing, one was wrapped in caution tape and the seat belt was no longer there. Quickly and quietly he removed the tape and sat down, wrapping what little remained around his waist as it then would appear he did have a seatbelt on. The operator came by and only glanced at Sanemi before going to start the ride. He sat back and chuckled knowing he was going to enjoy this more out of any other he had been on that day. Slowly the ride started and before long he was hoisted several meters from the ground, swing softly through the cool air. He took in a deep breath to savor the moment, it was relaxing being so far up from the chaos, listening to the music and watching the bright colorful lights. Without a moments notice he slipped from the seat and began to scream.
The people below looked up to one of the most horrifying sights there was to see, up in the air a man hung from his swing, his hands gripping to one of the chains that held the swing. He writhed and kicked his feet as he yelled for someone to help. Most if not all began to scream and point. Others got the attention of the operator who hurriedly tried to lower the ride. Every passenger aboard that night gripped their seats and cried. Soon the whole fair watched with bated breath, parents shielded their children, others ran to get help, most stared in shock. The whole while Sanemi cackled in between screams.
The authorities were notified and by the time they arrived with paramedics on scene, the ride had ended and Sanemi was nowhere to be found. This was because he fled and hid himself within the crowd, he caught up with Kyojuro and Gyomie. He played several games with them, all the while Kyojuro was blissfully unaware of the Sanemi’s failure to abide by the rules of the fair rides the main one being, KEEP HANDS AND FEET INSIDE THE RIDE AT ALL TIMES. (Truth be known, Sanemi did in fact have his hands in the ride with the only exclusion being his entire body).
(Sanemi also wanted to play the strong man big hammer game but Tengen had broken it earlier so it was still under repair. He was a tad disappointed and this is what I choose to believe started this entire fiasco).
10/10 had a glorious time at the fair and might come back again someday, he narrowly avoided being escorted off the premises on several occasions so the fact that he didn’t is considered a win in my book. He also single handedly traumatized, horrified, terrified, and scarred an entire group of people spreading to several rides and the riders, operators, as well as the people below the rides themselves. All of this, without being caught by Kyojuro. Truly inspiring.
#demon slayer#demon slayer requests#hashira x reader#demon slayer x reader#hashira headcannons#gyomei x y/n#kny gyomei#gyomei imagines#gyomei headcanons#demon slayer gyomei#gyomei x you#gyomei x reader#yandere kyojuro rengoku#kyojuro rengoku x reader#kny kyojuro#kyojuro x reader#rengoku kyojuro#sanemi shinazugawa head cannons#sanemi hcs#sanemi shinazugawa x reader#demon slayer sanemi#sanemi x reader#tengen x you#tengen uzui x reader#demon slayer tengen#tengen x reader#uzui tengen x reader#kny uzui#uzui headcanons
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born to die ꨄ haikaveh
art by @/mezudy678 on twt!!
tw | suicide ideation, death, alchoholism.
word count | 1,424 words
★ genre | angst, mentally ill kaveh, mental illness, major character death, au where haitham dies and kaveh is sad basically, kaveh is delusional, like in the traditional sense, depression/depression-like symptoms, me monopolising on lana del rey's lyrical genius<33
a/n | this has been sitting in my drafts for i kid you not over 6 months i think?!?! so yeah i just thought i should post it before the new year! i ruminated over the ending for so long but yknow new year new me so i just posted it. idk why i always make kaveh suffer but here is he suffering again. enjoy!?!?
link to my masterlist/how to request!
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“I’ll be waiting for you in heaven, my love.”
The firm grip on Kaveh’s hand loosens as he feels his lover’s strength wane, taking not just his own, but Kaveh’s life force with it too.
No, no… just a little longer, please.
“But heaven is a place on Earth with you,” the blonde sniffles, embracing Alhaitham for the last time, “Don’t leave me…I still need you.”
A chuckle erupts from the man next to him, and at that moment, Kaveh wishes he could loop that sound and listen to it forever, to keep Alhaitham in a world of his own design, where they could live together in the grandest of castles, all designed by Kaveh himself.
He would construct them the most convenient house. Two study rooms for when they want to keep their distance from each other, a private library for Alhaitham, and a garden filled with all of Lesser Lord Kusanali’s creations, the plants being residents of the home just as much as Alhaitham and Kaveh would be.
Kaveh sees Alhaitham, chuckling as he does now, smiling at Kaveh, his face aged a little with time, small folds of skin wrinkling around his eyelids as he beams, his happiness radiating, forcing Kaveh to smile along with him. If only time would permit it. Alhaitham is smiling at Kaveh, and he thinks he’s never seen anything more beautiful in his life. He wants to sketch this moment to make it permanent. To cherish the final moments he has with his lover.
“You’ll be fine, Kaveh,” Alhaitham puts a hand under Kaveh’s chin, forcing the older man to meet his deep green eyes, “I love you.”
By this point, Kaveh’s vision is white, and he barely notices Alhaitham pull him for one last kiss until their lips touch. The kiss is gentle and delicate, too delicate for Kaveh’s liking. The lack of strength only serves as a reminder of his lover’s fading energy. Kaveh pulls away for breath, his golden locks now in disarray across his face, the crimson hairclips that once kept his elegant plait together now in mayhem.
“I love you too.”
Those are the last words Alhaitham hears before his vision fades, the silhouette of the man he loves the most looming over him, a teardrop the last thing he feels before he slips into the calming embrace of death.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
Thoughts race across Kaveh's mind like a marathon, as if each thought had something of utmost importance to attend to, leaving the blonde highly disoriented. Even more disoriented than he would usually be at times like this, because at the moment, Kaveh has downed enough litres of alcohol to provide the weekly water intake of a family of 6.
It’s at times like this when he can’t keep his thoughts at bay. Kaveh tries his best. He really does. He tries his best to seem okay. To maintain the façade of normalcy ever since that fateful night. He goes to work, completes his commissions on time, eats all of his meals, and speaks to all of his friends. He meets Cyno and Tighnari every Saturday at Lambad’s tavern for a round of Genius Invokation TCG, his thoughts steering clear of the empty seat to his left. The seat which nobody would dare take after the loss of its original occupant.
Kaveh really does try.
But on nights like this, he can’t help but crack. When he comes home to nobody, no annoying, shrill voice to welcome him, nobody to nag him about his health or his rent. These are the moments when he feels truly lonely, the only reliable friend he can turn to being a tall glass of wine.
He sits alone in their usual spot. Top floor, at the back, so that people are less likely to find them. He knows Alhaitham can’t take people coming up to him after his work hours. Kaveh doesn’t mind. But this is just one out of the long list of habits Kaveh has kept after Alhaitham’s passing. No matter where he may be, heaven or hell, Celestia or Khaenri’ah’s ruins, a part of him will always live on through Kaveh. Always.
At some point, though, Kaveh stopped being alone. He started hearing him again. The gentle words of his lover wafting through his eardrums. At first, it was subtle. A few comments here and there.
“That client is a jackass.”
“Go to sleep, Kaveh.”
“Come on, love, you’ve got a meeting soon.”
But then it became ubiquitous. The sweet, honey-like voice of his deceased lover followed Kaveh around wherever he went. At first, Kaveh thought he was going insane. Now, he doesn’t care enough to worry.
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough, love?” A gentle voice fills his eardrums in an instant, a deep chuckle resounding with it, “Though I’d love to hold you again, I’d like you to live a long, full life before then. Preferably not dying of alcohol poisoning.”
Kaveh scoffs and crosses his arms, “I don’t have to listen to you! What are you doing to do anyway?”
The blonde hears a deep sigh, “I suppose you’re right. I can’t force you to go home, but it would make me very happy if you did.”
Kaveh, in his drunken stupor, actually considers this. With a clear head, Kaveh never would have considered this a valid argument. Kaveh will do what he wants. But alas, the hurricane engulfing his mind causes a lapse in judgment.
“Fine,” he says, begrudgingly, “Only if you cuddle with me when we get home.”
“You’ve got yourself a deal.”
Kaveh then gets up and stumbles out of the tavern, paying the bill off his own tab this time. He supposes a benefit of Alhaitham’s passing was that his wealth and estate were passed on to Kaveh. Though this by no means makes up for the gaping hole in Kaveh’s heart, he is happy with the convenience his newfound wealth has brought him.
The walk home passes in a daze, Kaveh blames this for his lack of comprehension, as by the time he's come to his senses, he’s tucked into bed, wrapped in the arms of Alhaitham once more.
He looks into his lover’s eyes. The orange islands in the sea of green standing out more than ever before. Alhaitham’s arms wrap around him protectively, and he feels the safest he has in months.
“Haitham,” Kaveh sniffles, “It’s been so hard without you here to guide me… I miss you… so much. Every time I think about you it feels as though somebody is ripping my heart out of my chest and stabbing it repeatedly with a knife.”
“C-Cant you come back to me?”
The soft sound of Alhaitham’s honey-sweet voice drips through Kaveh’s ears, “I’m here now, love. I’m here with you now, aren’t I?”
Kaveh groans, “I suppose so.”
“Let’s go to bed now,” Alhaitham whispers soothingly in Kaveh’s ear, “You have a big day ahead of yourself tomorrow.”
Kaveh lets the diluted voice of his lover lull him to sleep, his eyes getting heavier until they slide shut, and Kaveh surrenders to the deliria of dreaming for the night.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── ·
The sun streaks through the gap in the curtains, its rays hitting Kaveh’s face, illuminating his vermillion eyes as they blink open, the fatigue of sleep dissipating. The first thing he feels when he comes to his senses is the utter lack of warmth in his bed. The very bed itself becomes a black hole, Kaveh stumbling over himself to get as far away from it as possible. The very bed that was once the safe haven of him and his lover, turns into the very thing that seems to trap him.
H-He was just here.
The soft embrace of death feels more tempting than ever now. It would be easy for Kaveh to sink into it; his thoughts being engulfed by a soft lulling whisper, convincing him to let go of this world and all the pain it has caused. Nonetheless, he gets up. Brings himself to his feet. Walking towards the bathroom, he surveys the empty walls of his once lively house, accepting the soft, lonely numbness that has become a hallmark of his existence.
#kaveh#kaveh genshin impact#alhaitham#alhaitham genshin impact#haikaveh#kavehtham#genshin impact#haikaveh au#alhaitham x kaveh#kaveh x alhaitham#um idk what i was doing w the ending I just ended it and posted I'm so sorry everyone#why do i bully kaveh like this#i am sorry kaveh#angst#haikaveh angst#genshin angst#alhaitham angst#kaveh angst#kavehtham angst#soft alhaitham#alhaitham dies#kaveh dies inside#sorry#ok bye now#kazumaple#kazumaple's haikaveh works
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